#I am also loosing it at people saying this situation isn’t hard to educate yourself on! Read a book!

[rotzaprachim]

fundamentally the combinations of unhinged anti Arab racism and antisemitism that paint middle eastern people as inherently suspicious and crafty have fused with modern anti intellectualism under a nouveau-faugressive banner to say take the “in conditions of war all journalists are presenting particular sides, compounded by both press and national interests and the confusions of mass violence” (very true) to Therefor I Can Distrust What Every Journalist And Government Reports and go by Analogies to My Personal Experience and Vibes Alone (terrifying)

[asexual-abomination]

Plat!Yan!Chrollo x Autistic!Reader x Plat!Yan!PT - Soulmate AU Part 1

This is largely self indulgent writing, as I know that very little of this niche exists, if any. The reader here is largely based on myself and my own thoughts of the world, but I hope others enjoy my writing. I have no formal education in writing, so if you have any advice for my writing style, please feel free to send it in.

This idea was largely inspired by the lovely @kiame-sama, who wrote this concept with a romantically yandere Chrollo, though I am aro-ace and changed it just slightly for my own writing. I hope to continue this series with more parts, but they may not all follow the same story thread.

This part just includes the body swap.

-----

You were never going to make the best impression on your soulmate. Or at least, you could never make the best impression on their friends, and that was what mattered largely to you. Talking to people would never be your strong suit, but at least on your end you had many months and other friends to keep your soulmate entertained. Waking up in a stranger's body, talking to other strangers about all details of their life? Horrible.

It should have been a comfort that there was a small yellow flower tattooed just below the date on your back, indicative of a platonic soulmate, but the idea that you would likely be expected to spend time not just with your soulmate, but with their friends as well threw you off so incredibly. Your soulmate would surely need the patience of a saint to deal with you, at least according to most people you speak with about your soulmate.

Your preparations for the switch were over now, all things embarrassing put away for now, some good food prepped, and a letter you had written taped to the inside of your bedroom door. For now, you were going over the final rules for your friends who were under strict instructions of exactly what they could and could not speak about with your soulmate. Even though they chuckled under their breath about your extreme caution, at this point you had to trust that they would follow what you said, since your switch was just minutes away.

Your closest friend, Jo, assured you that they would keep the rest in line. Knowing their authoritative personality and intimidating aura, you were much more reassured that things would go well. Even as you got up to leave, they were giving everyone their famous evil eye to keep them quiet.

Heading into the bedroom, you laid down, only to realize that your breathing was coming short and there seemed to be not enough air getting in your lungs. Were you seriously having a panic attack just before your switch? You tried to calm yourself with the breathing exercises you had been taught, but there was little you could do, which only made your panic grow faster.

You had only seconds to spare, and the reality of the situation hit you with the force of a freight train. Keeping your eyes open, you took one deep breath to hope you wouldn't ruin everything on the spot.

Everything changed in an instant, the position of your body, the tension of your muscles, the temperature and smell of the room. And the last thing to hit you, the fact that your soulmate decided to switch while driving on a highway.

Internally, you felt a massive surge of panic, outweighing the mild anxiety you had been feeling by a landslide. Until you realized that the body you were in appeared to be functioning on its own.

It was common knowledge that during the switch, there was no change to the body's ability to understand and speak languages, though you wondered if you were among the first to find the same thing applied to driving skills.

Slowly, you brought your breathing back to a calm, knowing that a meltdown right now could spell things much worse than humiliation. Once you felt ready enough that you wouldn't cry the second anything moved a moment to fast, you looked up to the rearview mirror to take in the inhabitants of the car.

Seeing the body you were in -- your soulmate -- was jarring, but he didn't appear immediately scary in the mirror. He had slicked black hair, wide eyes the color of granite, and wore a black trench coat with white fur that was open to show his bare chest underneath. But your attention was quickly drawn from his reflection to the fact that there were others accompanying you in this car.

Sat next to you in the passenger's seat was a woman with bright pink hair and a stony face, staring straight ahead at the road, who didn't appear to have noticed that there was any difference in her driver's behavior. Taking up the back seats were three men, one blond with a babyish smile, another blonde much taller than the first with a toughened look about himself, and a man with long black hair tied back looking grumpily out of his side window. All of them gave off intimidating vibes, almost putting you off of speaking at all.

After a few moments of quiet driving, it became apparent to you that these people weren't going to notice you until you spoke up. You were grateful for the time to prepare your first words, but with the menacing energy all these people gave off, you had to put your minimal understanding of conversation to its maximum.

"Ah... This wasn't quite what I was expecting..." Not the best opening line, but at least you had begun to announce your presence.

It was the pink-haired woman next to you who first responded with a questioning hum.

"I'm not sure who this is, but whoever they are, I'm their soulmate." That seemed to incite a reaction from the entire car.

"Soulmate!?" The black haired man jumped from his position, his grumpy mood dissipated and replaced with confusion mixed with excitement. The two other men were looking between themselves, while the woman's face somehow got even tougher, glaring towards you with something that you assumed was suspicion.

"Hah... I'm about as surprised as you are!" You tried to add some joy to your tone, hoping that matching their excitement would somehow dispel the situation faster. However, they continued to glare at you, and you began to wish that you could sink away into the seat, though there was very little that would help with at this point.

It's almost deathly quiet in the car for just a few moments, before all hell breaks loose. The others in the car were yelling questions at you, and yelling in general at each other.

"Would you lot calm down!?" The woman seemed to be your ally here, "If you keep this act up, we're gonna scare his soulmate off before the switch is even over!"

"Why wouldn't the boss have told us about his switch? This isn't like him in the slightest!" The black-haired man was clearly upset, though you weren't sure if he was angry at 'the boss' or at you.

The woman hushed him by saying that 'the boss' likely meant this as a test, which only served to confuse your perception of these people further. After a few moments of whispering between themselves, they finally turned back to you.

"So, who are you?" The rougher looking blond asked, not exactly setting a good tone.

It took you a few moments to even notice that he had even spoken to you, as the realization that your soulmate made seemingly no preparations for your switch hit you hard. Even though the day he would switch with you was embedded on his body, he had let you wake up in some random moment of his life, while you had spent months working around this day to get the best outcome possible.

"My name is (Y/N)," you introduced yourself carefully, not quite sure if you wanted to give your full name away to these people, "And who might you be?"

The four looked between themselves, completely ignoring your question. "No-one we know by that name."

They went further into their suspicious act, but were kind enough to also give their own first names before continuing their own interrogation. It was the baby-faced boy in the backseat, Shalnark, who asked the majority of the questions, he seemed to be very pushy and tricked you into giving answers multiple times.

The conversation was very one-sided, as you tried every trick you had ever been taught for keeping interactions equal, only to eventually realize that all four of them were working against you, using tactics for talking that you had never thought of before.

You were quick to become frustrated with their incessant questions. There were no spaces for the others to talk, leaving you feel like bug under a microscope as they stared at you. Eventually, it seemed that they were happy with the information they had gotten from you, which was a lot, including the full name you hadn't wanted to give them earlier, your home nation and your line of work.

Whoever these people were, they were good at interrogation, Shalnark especially good at tricking you with simple questions that he insinuated much greater answers from, which worried you for what these people could do for a living. If your soulmate was their boss, could he be even better at this type of talk? You didn't think you could handle conversations with a man that potentially intelligent.

Now that they were being less interrogating, you tried to take the opportunity to add your own questions, but you could only glean a few things from the way they answered. For one thing, the highway that you were currently on was on the same continent that you lived on, but a few countries over. For another, there were many more members of this group that worked for your soulmate.

Asking questions about your soulmate got a strange reaction each time, all of the passengers of the car taking a moment to look between themselves before giving you vague answers. His name was Chrollo, and as their boss, they didn't feel it was right to tell you too much about him, or so they said. You found that he was well-read, though they still refused to tell you much about precisely what he read.

It felt useless to try and pursue the conversation further, as you were nowhere near their level of smarts in conversation. To try and alleviate some of the tension you were feeling, you attempted to bring up lighter topics, asking them for funny stories, which they somewhat complied with. Although their style of telling stories seemed odd to you, as they left out a lot of details without prompting, but you were at least happy that the focus was off of you.

They told you stories of traveling around the world, and how they saw some of the worlds most gorgeous sights and expensive luxuries nearly everyday. You had to assume that they were embellishing most of it, but they made their lives sound rather fun, and you wondered if your own friends were giving Chrollo anywhere near as good an impression back home.

It had to have been at least an hour before another fear hit you, one that plagued you nearly everyday. From your perspective, everything was going well, they were laughing and telling stories not just to you but with each other, which indicated that they were happy with how how you acted. However, the fear that plagued you from inside told you that they weren't happy, that you had done something wrong and now they were laughing at you. Looking back on every word you had spoken, you felt almost physically sick, seeing every flaw in your word choice and tone in hindsight.

The passengers were looking and laughing between themselves and talking, so they didn't notice right away that there were tears gathering in your eyes, for which you were grateful. Just as suddenly as you were sat there, surrounded by happy voices with tears in your eyes, you were back home, sat amongst your own friends, who laughed perhaps even louder.

Once you came to and realized that you were no longer driving, and in fact were sitting on your own couch with your own friends, the tears really started to run. The letter that you had spent so much time carefully writing was clutched hard in your hand, but not so much that it would crumple or bend.

You quickly stood while mumbling an excuse, rushing to your room as your friends called after you. It felt odd to be back in your own body, the smells and sounds of everything hitting you horribly clearly. There was very little you could do to keep yourself from getting overwhelmed.

Your friends had already been prepared for what to do if you were overwhelmed coming back from your switch, but that didn't stop their concern for the way you were acting.

"Hey, (Y/N)? You okay in there?" Jo's voice came through the door, and you were grateful that your closest friend was here for you. "The others are all gonna start heading home now, but I'm gonna stick around. I don't want you to feel alone at the moment."

With a quick confirmation from you from behind the door, Jo headed to get some rest in the living room. Practically falling into your bed, you pulled the weighted blanket you had gotten as a gift over yourself, staring up at the ceiling as all of the feelings of excitement and fear finally crashed down on you.

-----

Thanks for reading!

[collectivefandomstuff]

Hey mom! I’m stressed at 1am, any advice? I’m having trouble in school via studying sometimes it feels like we’re going from 0 to 100. And I need better study habits, do you have any advice? Bc sometimes it feels like I’m so afraid of failure that if I do study to my full potential (sounds weird) I feel like I loose the excuse of saying oh I got a bad score bc I goofed off. Like if I actually do all my effort to study and do bad, then is there something wrong with me??

(A/N: this answer is so long I almost feel ashamed to post it. I’m very sorry everyone. Anyway, if you’re looking for the concrete tips they’re at the end :) )

Hey :)

This doesn’t sound weird at all because I’m the exact same way. This way of thinking is actually more common than you’d think, and is often a part of the cognitive profile of perfectionism (btw, perfectionism isn’t that apt a name but I digress. Also, this way of thinking doesn’t mean you’re a perfectionist.). Anyway, I know a bunch of people who’ve experienced this, and the common factor isn’t fear of failure, but rather what it is you think you’re failing at. For example, I once told my therapist that I was super stressed over a bunch of stuff and I also had a paper I had to get done, and he asked me what would happen if I didn’t turn it in on time and I was like “academically? nothing. mentally? I wouldn’t be me anymore.” And that’s the stitch.

The people I know who struggle with this are often (though not exclusively) girls, and often people who’re pretty smart. They spent their childhood being told over and over that they were gifted, intelligent, and good at school. And back then, that was easy to live up to. They danced through the first few years of school without any issue, and enjoyed it a lot. They did their homework, understood stuff, and were usually “good kids”.

Now, we’re always growing and re-shaping our sense of self, but the foundations are lain when we’re children. So, when people around you keep identifying you as a smart/good student, then we start identifying ourselves like that too. Especially if it is being reinforced by your actual achievements. And then, suddenly, getting good grades isn’t about doing well or working hard, it’s about identity. It’s about who you are at your core. Thus, the stakes become infinitely higher. If you fail at a math test that you really studied for, then that means that you don’t have what it takes, and that means you are no longer yourself- the intelligent kid who’s good at school. A test might not be that anxiety-inducing, but losing your whole sense of self is. So, in that case procastination makes a lot of sense, because as long as you don’t fail while doing your best then you never put your identity on the line.

(This also applies if failing at school has become synonymous with being a failure, i.e. if you’ve been taught that doing well academically is the only way to be a successful/useful person in society, or if academic success has merged with the idea of a happy future so it feels like failing autmatically leads to an unhappy life. Essentially, mental structures that lead to a misconception of the stakes involved in a single exam/paper/task.)

That said, I do have some more practical things to say here. First off, sometimes we’re in a situation where we can’t do our best and that’s okay. I’ve failed exams, tests, papers, you name it and I still have my degree in the end. It’s never the end all of things.

Now, my own biggest freak out like this came when I started uni. My first paper I went completely insane and procrastinated like crazy, and I failed. And then the though crept in “what if I can’t do this? What if this is it. I can’t handle higher education, even if I try my hardest?” The anxiety was... big bad and mad.

I should say for this next part that my therapist once told me that I have a strangely aggressive approach to handling anxiety. Moving on. I sat down and said to myself “what is worse, to try my hardest and fail or half-ass it and never be able to live the life I want?” Since the answer was pretty obvious, I got to it. I had about 5 weeks until the next exam, and I sat down and planned every single hour until then. I studied for that damn test like I’ve never studied before, and whenever I felt anxious I would tell it to FUCK OFF and focus on the task I had planned. I didn’t allow myself to think beyond that first planning session, I just did what was next on the agenda. What am I supposed to do right now? read these 10 pages? Ok.

I’ve had two exams during my studies where I failed (the second due to the situation I was in) and ended up in this spiral. And here’s the funny thing: I have a small number of courses in uni where I got a higher grade. They include 1) courses that I found extremly interesting and 2) those two courses.

Okay! I know this is already so fucking long but I want to give you some actual tips too. Number one is obviously to plan. Take a whole day, sit down and plan the next month. Consider all your assignments, when they’re due, what you need to do to study, how long that’ll take and when that is done most efficiently. Plan everything in your calendar. Give yourself enough time for each task that you can do it even if you’re not super super focused. Do not study outside these hours. When you’re done for the day you’re done for the day. This way, there’s a clear, reachable end to each study session and you don’t feel as compelled to postpone tasks. When you sit down to study, don’t worry about the other stuff you have to do, or other subjects that you haven’t done yet. They’re all in the plan, all you have to do is what is in front of you. As long as you keep doing that you’ll make it. (If the plan goes to shit for some reason, take a day to plan a make a new one. It happens).

Some things to consider:

Different subjects are best studied in different ways. I used to set aside 15-30 minutes every day in high school for Italian, where I’d sit down and read the chapter we were working on out loud. I didn’t even focus that hard, I just did it every day- the chapter and the glossary. I STILL remember some sentences from that book. Math is best done in longer stretches, but not too long. 1-2 hours preferably. Think about how YOU work. Do you best read a textbook in one go or in increments? Do you learn better in a coffee-shop or your room? Silence? Music? This can also change depending on your subject. Plan accordingly.

For reading, time your reading speed for the book. Read a page at normal speed and clock it, then multiply that by the pages you need to read to see how much time you’ll have to plan for. Round up to give yourself room for spacing out.

Plan for breaks. Think about your normal need for it, but the uni standard is 15 minutes for every 45, making an even hour. Find a break activity that’s has a specific end, for example making some more tea/coffee and snacks and doing some stretches, or maybe playing one race in mario kart. Avoid things that you can get stuck doing beyond the alotted break time.

Buffers. For every five hours or so, plan one hour of buffer time. This is time that you can use if something takes longer than expected. If you do everything as planned, this is surprise free time! :D If you have a long study session, plan 30 minute buffers every two or three hours to be used for extra breaks and to keep panic at bay. Buffers will save your life.

Make a chart with different tasks and have little boxes that you get to fill in with fun colours when you’re done. If you have to read 100 pages, do a bar with ten boxes, that way you can see your progress visually.

Plan for days/evenings that are free. Plan what you’re going to do those days, like “movie night with X”, “play videogames and eat cupcakes”, “take a long bath and read a good book”. That way, you use your free time well and can use those days and evenings as incentive.

Prioritize your work. If you have too much to do, make a list of what’s most to least important and focus on doing the important stuff first. This includes studying tasks. What’s more important, reading that text for the third time or really understanding integrals?

Drink lots of water and eat sugar. It’s brain food. I usually bake before an intense week. That way when I feel myself going down I can go get a cupcake instead of taking time to make something to eat, or worse- try to soldier through which never works.

I hope this helped a little at least :) Good Luck! I believe in you! 💙💜

[littleoddwriter]

Embarrassment | Roman Sionis x Victor Zsasz | ZsaszMask | Smut

"if requests are open can i just get zsasz being really dumb but with some praise and/or daddy kink thrown in?" anon

A/N: I hope my interpretation of this is alright with you. I went with ZsaszMask here, since you didn't specify who Zsasz would be with; and since he wasn't exactly listed as a character for Reader fics, I assumed you were just asking for ZsaszMask. I really hope I got that right. If not, let me know, please! 

summary; Victor commonly mispronounces words, the wrong person hears it and mocks him for it to Roman’s face. Roman gives his boy a treat and then praises him because, yes, he isn’t very skilled when speaking, but he is still such a good boy for him! With it, smut ensues.

notes; TW // Implied Murder (non-descriptive); Very quick, throw-away mention of Child Abuse in the first paragraph. KINKS: Daddy!Kink; Praise Kink; Slight pet play, too; Anal Sex; Quick Prep. PWP/Loose plot; Lemon; Smut; kind of Emotional Hurt/Comfort, too, but like, they are ZsaszMask, don’t expect too much; A little softness in the end, too.

Roman absolutely hated it when someone mispronounced words in any way, shape or form. It made his blood boil. Mostly, he believed, it was because of his parents. If he had said something wrong, even if it was just the pronunciation, then he would be punished. Obviously, he tried to avoid that at all costs as time went on, which made him hyper-aware of when other people butchered a word or even an entire sentence, as a side effect.

Unfortunately, his partner in crime and lapdog had a rather slurred way of speaking and mispronounced a lot of words. He still wasn't sure if he was just stupid and wasn't educated, or perhaps he really was just lazy as all hell.

Either way, it happened multiple times a day that Zsasz would say something wrong. Roman has stopped being truly annoyed with him for it after a while. By now, he just corrected him and moved on. Of course, he had tried to teach Victor, but he just didn't really catch on to it; and frankly, he had better things to do than teach a grown man to speak properly.

Now, usually it wasn't even a big problem anyway, since Roman was basically the only person Zsasz really spoke to. So no one normally witnessed Victor's poor speaking skills. If anything, they were his staff anyway, so it didn't matter, they wouldn't dare say something about it.

Until, of course, one day the wrong person had heard it after all.

Roman had been conversing with a potential business partner, when Victor came back from running an errand for him. It was like clockwork; when Roman was talking, he wasn't to be interrupted, so he waited until he was done to tell him anything important that might have happened on the errand. He only ever interrupted him when it absolutely couldn't wait.

Obediently, Zsasz stood next to Roman and waited. When he was done talking, he lifted his hand and excused himself to the man he was speaking with, so Victor could tell him whatever was burning on his tongue.

"Boss, Johnson's guys have defiantly got the message. Expecially himself. He's retreating now and trying to get on your better side again, but I doupt you want that. D'you?"

Roman didn't even bother to correct him, though he clenched his fists to try and stop the urge to do it anyway. They were in public with someone he didn't trust and he didn't want to humiliate Victor like that. He knew that he tried at least a little, after all. Especially when they were with someone he didn't know.

Before Sionis could even reply anything, a terribly mocking cackle sounded from his right. It was that fuck he had been trying to get a deal with.

"Is he really that fucking stupid or does he just act like it, huh? God, that's embarrassing. I can't believe you let him run around talking like that, Mr Sionis," he sneered.

For just a split second hurt was reflected in Victor's eyes. It was like a punch to Roman's gut. Zsasz was basically never hurt by anything or anyone, only few people, among which was Roman himself, could achieve that.

Zsasz straightened up and acted like he didn't hear anything, assuming his usual position behind where Roman sat, so he could watch over him.

"Well, I believe that business deal we had planning to get going is over now. Thank you so much for coming in, but it's time for you to leave, 'kay?" Roman said clasping his hands together and a big fake grin on his face, his tone strained.

The other man sputtered. "Excuse me? We were just in the middle of-"

"Yes, yes, I am aware. Anyway, I do not want to keep talking to you any longer. So get out!" His anger became more palpable by the second.

Some of his men escorted the fake fuck out, after he whispered to one of them to knock him out and bring him to their closest warehouse.

Then Roman turned around to face Victor, who looked rather dumb-founded.

"Boss?"

"C'mon, baby. I'm having him brought to the closest warehouse we own. Then you can go and have some fun with that stupid fuck, hm? How's that sound, my boy?"

His eyebrows climbing up his forehead in surprise, Victor nodded. Obviously, he knew that this deal was actually a little important to Roman, but nothing seemed to be more important than his pet being happy.

Sometimes, he really despised that.

They went to the warehouse, when it was all set up and he gave Victor all the freedom he could have wanted with the other man. It was beautiful, a sight to behold, really. The way Victor freed people from this awful world was always breathtakingly stunning to him. But when he was also upset by one of those people and had creative freedom? Just marvelous, a true masterpiece that came out of it. Such as the tally, that now sat in the crook of his elbow, always visible, always a reminder.

Eventually, they arrived back at home, aroused from the beautiful way this fake fuck has been slaughtered, and Roman also had the urge to indulge his little boy and praise him for always being so good for him. So he was set on doing just that.

As soon as they came into the bedroom, he grabbed Victor's wrist and turned him around to face him, smashing their lips together in a searing kiss. Zsasz moaned into it, opening his mouth a little. Roman slid his tongue into the other's mouth immediately, fucking it in and out of Victor's mouth, playing with his tongue.

After doing just that for about a minute, he broke the kiss, leaning his forehead against Victor's, panting.

"Be a good boy for Daddy and undress yourself and then lie down on the bed, 'kay?" Roman rasped, kissing Zsasz once more before twirling his finger to signalise him to get going.

Sionis kept watching his boy, while he undressed, folding his clothes and putting them on a nearby chair. He had taught him so well. When he was completely naked, Victor lied down on his back on the soft mattress of their bed. Then he looked at Roman, waiting for further instructions.

Getting rid of his shoes, socks, blazer and gloves, Roman climbed onto the bed and over Zsasz. He was only wearing a plain black shirt and his dark blue suit pants, now. He lifted Victor's legs, spreading them, and kneeled between them, situating them over each of his thighs, pressing his hard cock against the other man's ass. Then he leaned over Zsasz, bracketing his head between his forearms with which he supported himself on the bed. Their faces were merely half an inch apart, breathing each other's air.

"You're my good little boy, aren't you?"

Victor could only nod for a moment. Roman nipped his ear and grinned against it, his lips brushing his ear shell.

"Yes, you are. And you know what? I'm very proud of you, baby. You're always so good to me, always so good for Daddy, hm?"

Zsasz keened in the back of his throat, pushing up his hips. Fuck, he was so easily desperate when it came to being praised by Roman.

"Soon, baby. Be patient, 'kay?" Another nod, another keen. "Use your words, baby, c'mon."

"Yes, Daddy!"

"That's my good boy," he murmured.

Then he leaned back a little again, so he was able to really look at Victor. It was hell on his back, but he didn't care, as their chests and stomachs were pressed together, feeling each other breathe heavily. Victor's hard cock was poking his abdomen, just like his own was pressing against his crack.

"You've done something truly remarkable with this asshole, y'know? What a work of art! Oh, Victor, I'm so lucky, baby."

"Thank you, Daddy," Victor replied the way he was taught to, and fuck, it had Roman's cock twitch.

Roman smiled at him, fondly, adoration clear in his eyes. "I always appreciate how dutiful you are, how you know exactly when to do what, when to speak, what to say. You're so good at it, my boy. Such an obedient little doggy, aren't you? Yes, you are, of course you are."

He leaned down to press a couple of sweet kisses to his lips, smiling into them. Victor gripped onto his bicep and back, trying to keep him as close as possible, unable to not touch him.

"Didn't I disappoint you, though?" Zsasz asked, looking so unsure and like a kicked puppy.

"No, no of course not. Oh, baby, my sweet boy, never you. He was a stupid fake fucking fuck, 'kay? He didn't know you, didn't know to respect me and my assets. And now he's paid for it, hasn't he? Then you mispronounced some fucking words! Now what? He had no fucking reason to talk about you like that, especially not to me. Fuck, I wish we could kill him again, baby. The fucking audacity of this fucker!"

"But I embarrassed you."

"No, you haven't. The only embarrassment there was this fuck thinking he was being funny and saying something of value. Like I said, baby, you're so good for Daddy. Always."

He kissed him again, and again, and again. Then he finally got rid of his pants, underwear and shirt, before diving back in and devouring Victor's mouth with fervor. While he was doing that, he was blindly retrieving the lube from the bedside table and clicking it open, squirting some onto his fingers.

Roman shifted a little, so he could reach down and insert one lubed up finger into Victor's behind, making him moan into the kiss with it. He moved it in and out quickly, stretching him enough to insert a second finger, sicossoring them to stretch his rim for a third finger. It was a quick preparation, as Victor was used to it, but also really liked it when it burned, so they made sure to stretch him enough to not damage him or Roman, and then they were ready to go.

Sionis grabbed the lube once more and spread it on his hard cock, slicking it up thoroughly. Then he guided it into Victor's stretched hole, pressing in slowly but surely. When he was fully sheathed inside of him, they both moaned in unison into their still connected mouths.

Then Roman started thrusting inside of Victor, pulling out and shoving back in, in a quick, brutal rhythm that drove them both crazy.

"Such a good boy. Oh, baby, you're so good for me, look at you. Taking it so fucking well, hm? Ah, fuck! Yes, so tight even after I've been fucking you almost every day for the past decade, huh? Fuckfuckfuck, you're so good, such a wonderful little boy. Just for me, aren't you? You're only my good boy, aren't you? Say it!"

Victor's eyes rolled back, as Roman repeatedly hit his prostate, but he still tried to get out a sentence in-between desperate little moans, "Y-yes, ah, yes! Only yours. Your good boy. Ah, yours! Daddy!"

"Fuck, shit, Victor, ah, I'm gonna come. Oh, baby, I'm gonna fill you up so good, huh? Because my baby deserves the best, hm? Fuck!"

As his thrusts became increasingly erratic, Roman grabbed Victor's cock in his hand and jacked him off in quick movements and a tight grip, making him paint his own chest and stomach after just half a minute. Zsasz moaned loudly and completely unintelligible as he came.

Roman followed him soon after, pressing inside of his partner and staying there, filling him up with his warm, sticky come, moaning and groaning loudly and almost like a porn star.

After a few seconds, in which either of them caught their breaths, Roman pulled out and collapsed next to Victor, their legs tangled, their faces an inch apart and panting.

When they've come down from their orgasmic highs, Roman stroked over Victor's chest, smearing his come over it and rubbing it into his skin, smiling. The scars made it a unique and pleasant sensation to him.

"Don't let that fucker get to you, 'kay? You aren't embarrassing. I don't care that you butcher most words that come out of your mouth. It doesn't make you less of a good little boy for me, alright?"

"Okay, yeah. Thank you," Victor rasped, pressing a kiss to the other's lips.

It was all so fucking soft.

Under different circumstances, it would make Roman feel sick; but even he had a soft spot, which apparently only consisted of this human lapdog called Victor Zsasz. 

[imagine-loki]

strangers

TITLE: strangers CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: 6/? AUTHOR: hiddlemediddles ORIGINAL IMAGINE: Imagine being a psychologist set to question Loki during his incarceration in Stark Tower. Initially, he scoffs at the prospect of a ‘psychological examination’. However, Loki grows quite attached to you and complies to each and every programme you have in store for him. RATING: M NOTES/WARNINGS: What is a real conversation, anyway? Rife with sexual tension here hehe ;) x The book I refer to in this chapter is a real one and I urge ALL OF YOU to read it! We live in uncertain times and it is essential that we educate ourselves :) x - And you succeeded. The next meeting between you and Loki would also be cut off from the audio. Thor had to do some convincing along with you. You said that it would be a continuation of the last session on his fears, but Thor knew better. When you were both alone, he was curious to know what was going on. You sighed, knowing you might be putting your position on the line. But you trusted Thor, despite his many faults. “Loki wants to speak properly. He wants to talk like you and I would talk, basically. He asks me questions just as I ask him. He then agrees to tell me everything I need to know.”

Thor raised his brow. “And you are.. comfortable with this arrangement?” “What do you think? Of course not. But if it means getting deeper inside of his head, then I suppose it’s a risk worth taking.” Thor nodded in agreement. He thought the best course of action was to only indulge his brother enough for him to give them all they needed. His psychological state. “Look, Thor, I want Loki to see Frigga. By depriving him of his mother, I think it makes all of this worse rather than better. They clearly want to see each other. It would be wrong to stop them.” Thor bit his lip. “Fine. I will bring her here on Midgard. She is eager to speak to you, anyway. She wants to know how he is faring. The mortal scientists can only give figures on how much energy from the tesseract has escaped his body, but it doesn’t tell her anything about how he really is mentally. At least she knows that the forsaken stone’s effects are leaving his body.” Sighing out in relief, you thanked Thor and proceeded along the corridor towards where Fury was standing. “It would be helpful if you trusted us a bit more than you do, Robin.” said Nick Fury. “You’re an organisation of spies. Isn’t it quite natural that I have my suspicions?” Nick Fury didn’t reply, he simply raised his eyebrow for emphasis. You recalled Loki’s words on trust. Trust is an illusion, he said. Perhaps he was right. You made your way through to see Loki once again. It had been weeks and each time it seemed to get harder and harder to see him. Outside of it all, you thought about him far too much. You occupied yourself with other clients and buried yourself in work. Finding it difficult to read those books on the mysterious heroes and romance books in general, you worked instead. You were working overtime to keep the man out of your head.

Yet there he remained. In your head. You fell asleep at night with his green eyes seared into your psyche. You despised arrogance generally, but when it was in him you almost found it attractive. Loki was attractive, no doubt, but you needed to stop yourself from obsessing over him. It was when he opened up about his vulnerabilities that you found it difficult to not think about him. That was what you found the most attractive about him. He was also a naturally intellectual man, which was another weakness of yours. Intellectual people were incredibly attractive. He was sitting in his chair again. Loki, yet he wore black robes. Like night robes. Thankfully, he had the mind to keep a pair of loose black trousers on. You immediately raised your eyes to his face, knowing that focusing any lower would be dangerous. He was broad shouldered and the black garments only emphasised that. Yet, focusing on his face didn’t help either. It was just as attractive. Those eyes.. “Miss. Croft. A pleasure to see you again.” he said, standing up to greet you with a bow. “Do sit, Loki.” Loki smirked at your forwardness. It was something he admired the most in you. You considered keeping your gaze lowered as he asked you his questions, yet you knew it wasn’t in your nature. You would meet his gaze without faltering. Just as you would in any other conversation. “My faith in mortals has been seriously shaken as of late, Miss. Croft. I have read an incredibly detailed account of the state of the planet’s climate.. A book called ‘The Uninhabitable Earth’ by a mortal named David Wallace-Wells. Midgard is burning to a crisp and you mortals all act as though everything is fine and dandy. How much more ludicrous can this world get?” You nodded your head. “Well, Loki, I am glad you have been occupying your time with reading. Though perhaps I’d recommend reading some more light-hearted literature on your road to.. Well, let’s say recovery..” “Are SHIELD’s ears wagging as we speak, Miss. Croft? Or did your string pulling work?” Loki smirked. “Speak as openly as you wish, Loki. You don’t need to fear in that respect.” Loki’s eyes displayed the rare spark that glimmered in his eyes. His eyes would lower briefly before rising with that spark there to meet your eyes. It was accompanied by a look of utter bemusement. Life was just a game to him. That much was clear to you. Everything was amusing. In reality, it infuriated you. But it wasn’t your job to be angry at him. “Are you alone, Miss. Croft? Can you relate to my predicament?” You gazed into his eyes in silence. Of course you could. Couldn’t anyone? But perhaps you, more than the average person. “Being alone doesn’t mean you are lonely, Loki. Like I said, they are separable things.” “And you persist in your former dialogue. Do you speak to your mother like this?” You betrayed your first smile. “The setting is making me revert to my job. If we were in a cafe.. A bar.. I don’t know.. I’d find it easier to speak to you as you want me to.” Suddenly, the entire room turned. You stood up in panic as you whirled around to see the entire room become.. A cafe. A cafe in New York that you actually had frequented once in the early days of arriving in New York. “LOKI.” A speaker yelled. It was Thor’s voice. “NO ILLUSIONS.” You were mesmerised by the detail. The level of detail that he had conjured into thin air. Loki watched you closely as you observed the room. “Now, are you comfortable?” Loki asked. His voice was softer than usual. There was the usual teasing lilt to his tones. You turned your head to face him. He chuckled at your widened eyes. The chair he had been sitting on was now like the chair in the cafe. As was your own. “Ah. No table. There we are.” Loki said. A table appeared out of thin air between you. Where the glass stood between you. “No chance of reaching across that table, mind you.” You sat down on the chair. It felt exactly the same, only it looked different to the eye. Remarkably, you felt at ease with this new scenery. You rested the tension in your shoulders and gazed at your client with the backdrop of a busy little cafe in New York. There were even people sitting around you, a cashier giving change to a customer. Bustling people in this bustling little cafe. “How did you do this?” You whispered under your breath. “A little thing called.. Magic.” Loki chuckled. “Tell me about yourself, Miss. Croft. No performance. Just.. you.” Your stomach flipped. “I live in an apartment in New York on my own and well, you know my job.. I see various clients about various things. I love reading, taking walks around parks and.. I love cafes. Tea, hot chocolate. If I’m tired, well then - coffee it is. Just simple things in life I suppose. I’m big on mindfulness and yoga. I - I don’t really know what else to say..” Loki absorbed the information like it was water to a sponge. He latched on to every detail as though his life depended on it. “Ahh.. solitude, Miss. Croft. So you know something about loneliness.” “As I said, Loki, just because you are alone it doesn’t mean you feel lonely. I’m completely happy being independent.” “You have a lover, then, presumably?” Loki smirked. Your cheeks betrayed your embarrassment at the question. “That is none of your business.” “No lover? How intriguing, Miss Croft. But even someone like you needs to be.. satisfied. Don’t we all?” You were riled instantly. “I can satisfy myself.” Loki felt the fire erupt in the pit of his stomach. “But there are certain occasions where.. connection.. is the most fulfilling. I’m sure you would agree, Miss. Croft. As you said, human connection is a part of who we are. That applies to all aspects of our lives. Our need for physical touch.. contact.” “Do you feel as though you have been deprived of that?” “Naturally. That and also my privacy. Quite an unfortunate situation. Tell me about your parents, Miss. Croft.” “My mother is.. Well, my mother. I love her but she makes life quite hard sometimes. She has a temper worse than anything you will ever have seen, even after you have seen Thor’s. I lost my father to cancer around five years ago, which wasn’t easy on her. She’s seeing someone else, but I think it’s some attempt to dull the pain. “Even after all of these years, she’s still grieving. Her partner is nice enough, but I fear my mother is with him for the size of his pockets and not the size of his heart. She has always craved financial stability and an ‘easy life’ as she terms it, but I can’t say anything. She lives her life and I live mine. She lives with her partner in England, a fancy little country house in Wiltshire where she spends her days tending to her garden and having friends over for picnics. I’ve only been there once, but she seems happy. Or at least I think she is.” You said. Loki watched your eyes drop as you spoke about your mother. You seemed to realise that you were babbling a bit so you trailed off into silence. How was it possible to be so calm in the presence of this man? Loki thought that what you described was almost a similar predicament to himself. A rocky relationship with his mother but he loved her all the same. Cared for her deeply, even when they had their disagreements. No doubt she would have words to say about everything he had done. His involvement with Thanos, how he almost destroyed an entire city with an army of aliens. New York was still recovering from the destruction. You yourself would walk along the streets and see scaffolding coming up. It had been months since the attack and New York was rebuilding itself from the ground at a remarkable pace. “LOKI.” The speaker said. Thor again. “I SAID NO ILLUSIONS.” Loki stuck up his middle finger to the camera and you chuckled. You turned to the camera and stuck up your thumb as if to say ‘Everything’s OK’. “What a tiresome person. Do you have.. siblings?” Loki’s mind skimmed to Thor’s voice in the speaker. “I was supposed to be a twin, my mum told me. Two girls. My twin died during childbirth. Not enough.. oxygen. I was the twin who survived.” You trailed off again. “Robin. I - “ “Look, Loki, I want to do my job. Can I at least do that for the rest of our time today?” Loki felt an involuntary twist at the pit of his stomach. He had touched a nerve, precisely as you had touched many of the nerves in his past. “As you wish, Miss. Croft.” he said silently. He lowered his head and the cafe vanished before your eyes. Detail upon detail of things, people.. Gone. You felt sullen to see the cage and the basement-like surroundings return to your line of focus. “Ah, does that mean without the cafe?” You smiled gently. Loki grinned. The illusion returned, but this time it was a park. This was another scene you recognised from New York. You had been for walks in this park very frequently. You were sitting on a bench this time, with Loki on his own bench. “How do you know.. ?” You asked. “You live in New York, I presumed that you would know these places.” “But how do you know them?” “Through my brother. He once frequented the cafe with his former partner, Jane. They also walked in that park once. Thor simply projected the mental images to me. I remember them clearly. Magic is rather good at things like that.” “Mental images? You can.. Read minds?” Loki laughed. “Don’t sound too horrified. I have not ventured into your mind. I would ask permission first, Miss. Croft. It is rather rude to enter someone’s mind without asking them first. Rather like breaking into their house. It isn’t exactly an expression of decorum.” Relief waved over you, but a question niggled in your mind. “Would I know if you entered my mind?” “No, you would not. Therefore, you need to take my word for it.” Loki smirked. You shuffled in your seat slightly. “Right then. Seeing as we have fifteen minutes left, I’d better get cracking. How about I keep it simple? Tell me exactly how you’re feeling.” Loki was silent for a short time in contemplation. You wondered if he was choosing not to answer, but his answer did come. “I feel as though I am the passenger in a vehicle that SHIELD are driving, but I am ignorant to where we are going. They are driving the vehicle and keeping me in it, I am bound to their ride and they are controlling the.. strings. I am becoming increasingly morose at the prospect of continuing to stay in this forsaken facility. On top of it all, as you have seen from my.. outburst, I am frustrated that I am unable to see my mother.” Loki’s eyes drooped as he spoke. As though he were ashamed of it all. He was missing Frigga terribly. “It is as frustrating as it is because you are used to being in control. You are, in effect, conflicted. To retaliate would be to lose your freedom for longer, meanwhile remaining stagnant is just as frustrating.” Loki smiled sadly, his eyes still on the floor. “If only you could pull those strings to get me out, Miss. Croft.” You gave him a slight nod and stood. Loki stood and moved. His hand raised to the air of the illusionary park. Once his hand made contact with the glass, the illusion disappeared and you saw him touching the glass. He moved his hand from the glass and gazed down at you with an empty expression. It was as though he were completely absent from the room. “Until next time, Miss. Croft.” x

[shellygurumi]

I just submitted forms to officially withdraw from school.

It’s a weird time to do it, considering all the schools are closed, but I actually decided to withdraw BEFORE all hell broke loose on the world and school got cancelled etc.

For anyone not familiar, I was in culinary school for a baking and pastry certification. I am working in a bakery now, and I’ve had all the classes I really need/want for my own personal education. The only class I was taking right now was advanced baking, and despite baking being my passion, every day I just did NOT want to be at school. I would have preferred to be at work. I didn’t ever want to do my homework. I just didn’t want to be there or do it anymore. The last day I was in class, I ended up crying twice (once while hugging my friend in the walk-in freezer, and once just tearing up trying to keep it together while washing dishes). 

I realized that I just... am not loving school anymore. I was thinking, “Well, school is hard work, it takes effort, it’s not always fun” but at some point it occurred to me that this isn’t just me being lazy and not wanting to. This was me actively being unhappy with my situation and needing to make a change. I know I can power through school in hard times. I graduated from my undergrad program in university and got a bachelors degree, while suffering from severe depression because my dad died while I was in school. I gave myself an ulcer from stress, I went through a lot of shit, life was fucking hard, but I still graduated in 4 years, despite dropping some classes due to stress and having to take extra classes in the summer to make up for it.

I didn’t just graduate, I graduated while keeping my GPA up for my scholarship and working part time. I was also, you know, in my early 20s, but stress, anxiety and depression don’t give a shit how old or young you are.

Anyway, point is, I made the decision after a lot of crying and talking to a friend whose opinion I trust. I also talked to my mom about it cause no matter how old I am, my mom is important to me and her opinion also matters.

I learned a super important lesson during all of this. Quitting is not the same as Losing or Giving Up.

Sometimes quitting is the hardest thing to do, sometimes it takes strength to quit. No one would say to someone quitting something unhealthy (alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, etc) is weak or a loser. At least, no one good and kind would say that. It takes strength to quit those things. It also takes strength to quit a job that makes you miserable. I have learned that in life, too. Honestly, deciding to leave school was scary. I worried about what people would think of me, what people would say or feel. But what matters is what I feel. I feel so much better having made this decision. Also I don’t really need to tell anyone, cause it’s no one’s business but my own, but this whole schools being shut down thing makes life easier, cause I can just be like “yep, not in class today because it’s cancelled.” 

But that’s all besides the point. The point is, I’m here to tell you all that quitting does not make you a failure or a loser or anything negative. Sometimes, it makes you strong. Sometimes it takes strength. And you should do what’s right for you and your mental health and emotional stability. Society might make you think you should do something a certain way, but that’s not always the case.

Also, I’m here to tell you to talk to people about stuff, don’t just hold it in. Sometimes it’s scary, but it helps to get it out and get another perspective. Talk to someone who you trust, someone who you respect, and someone who is kind. If there’s someone who will make you feel terrible about yourself, don’t talk to that person. I chose my one particular friend cause she’s strong and level-headed and smart and thinks about things from the right kind of perspectives. She actually surprised me by supporting my decision to leave school and not convincing me to stay just for the sake of staying. 

Anyway, this is a lot longer than I intended it to be. But maybe someone out there needs to hear it. And a lot of you are quarantined and bored anyway. :P So maybe someone will read it, too. 

Totally random time in history to be talking about this, but life goes on despite everything crazy happening in the world. And everything still matters.

[slytherpuff9]

Things I Cannot And Will Not Believe Anymore

1.People are inherently evil.

2.People deserve the apocalypse/hell.

3. Women are responsible for the sexual impulses of men/can control the sexual impulses of men.

4. Men deserve authority over women.

5. Doubt is the devil using my spiritual gifts against me.

6.I owe sex to my husband/other forms of submission or obedience to my husband.

7. LGBTQIA+ are confused/evil/led astray -- their orientation/identification is wrong or invalid and forcing them to change/deny this about themselves will be good for them.

8. Women should not be in positions of leadership/roles that are considered to be traditionally masculine. Certainly not over men.

9. Jesus is the only absolution you need for sins that hurt other people.

10. Self-worth is pride/arrogance/vanity.

11. Religious values should dictate secular laws/civil rights.

12. Intimacy (psychological OR physical) that I share with men I love before I meet/marry my husband cheats my husband out of elements of my sexuality/liberties upon my body to which he is entitled.

13. Mental illness is merely a soul crying out for God and professional help is a scam to steal your money and lead you away from God.

14. People in unfortunate situations must have done something to deserve it/bring it upon themselves.

15. Women who have abortions want to kill their babies/hate children/are cruel and callous and loose/would choose murder over living with consequences of their presumed promiscuous lifestyle/believe abortion is the only form of birth control.

16. Men cannot and should not be expected to control their sexual impulses toward others on their own. (see #3)

17. Evidence supporting scientific/medical/psychological advancements that clash with a literal interpretation of the biblical account should be ignored, boycotted, banned, and impeded or even outlawed.

18. Sexual confidence (real or perceived) cheapens one’s worth as a person or invalidates one’s spirituality.

19. Teens cannot be trusted with an actual education in safe sex. In fact, I should deliberately mislead my daughter about birth control until FOUR MONTHS BEFORE HER WEDDING. There’s no way that could backfire spectacularly, cause damage to her health, her marriage, or even my ambitions to have grandchildren one day. (NOT ON YOUR LIFE, NOT FOR MANY, MANY YEARS!!!)

20. People who are not “with” me -- who believe what I do without question -- are “against” me -- militantly attacking me personally. The people “out there” are out to get me. They want to tear down my faith and send me and my children to hell.

21. Teens and unmarried women cannot be trusted with freely available contraception. If we make contraception available, they will do ALL the sex! O.O *gasp! horror! clutches pearls!*

22. It is okay and an expression of Christ-like love to demand that other people forsake their lifestyle, religion, and worldview, but feel personally persecuted and threatened when they question mine.

23. Teens cannot be trusted.

24. Women cannot be trusted.

25. Men cannot be trusted.

26. Doubt is selfish/dangerous/a slippery slope and means I’m not really sincere in my faith, or my faith is weak, or can grieve the Holy Spirit and take away my faith completely.

27. The Bible can and should be used to enforce anti-immigration policy. (see #11)

28. The Bible can and should be used to shame/denigrate victims of police brutality.

29. Unfortunate accidents/hardships that happen to me or my family can and should be seen as signs that God is punishing or testing me.

30. Disobedience -- even psychological disobedience (i.e. skepticism) -- casts into question or completely invalidates my morality.

31. It is okay to rail against affordable healthcare, actively impede it in the polls, then slander health organizations like Planned Parenthood and shame those who accept their help ... all without providing a viable alternative but claiming that the church can do it better.

32. “You just need to have faith”, “It’s a mystery”, “That’s a good/hard question, I’ll get back to you” (but he never DID), or “That’s the Old Testament Law, Jesus freed us from that” (when so many other O.T. laws are quoted and used to define sin, just sayin’ ...) are ACCEPTABLE and SATISFACTORY answers to questions about the 100% literal, true, God-breathed verses explicitly prescribing stoning or marrying rape survivors to their rapists ...

10/10 FELT SO SAFE AS A TEENAGE AND YOUNG ADULT CHRISTIAN WOMAN!

33. People who reject the evangelical message are just butt-hurt, pouty, selfish, petulant liberals who don’t want to face hard truths.

34. People who believe differently or celebrate different religious holidays in winter should be forced to use my seasonal religious greeting and failure to do so indicates a vitriolic antagonism to everything I stand for. But it is unreasonable to expect me to extend the same consideration to them.

35. It is okay to deny/limit/discourage my child’s access to the level of education required to succeed in the world we live in (even with the caveat that it clashes with my beliefs/worldview and I believe it to be false) because I do not trust my child to discern my interpretation of the Bible in the face of a single chapter in their no doubt riveting 10th grade biology textbook. I’m sure they’ll just breeze through that in college.

36. Children are also not to be trusted with intellectual/psychological/spiritual autonomy.

37. Not a single word of this book could possibly have been mistranslated, misinterpreted, metaphorical, made obsolete with time, or simply penned by a woefully misguided human being. (see #32)

38. If I open my mind enough to really understand the person I am trying to reach, my brain will fall out.

39. To seriously question these things is to deny my faith/attack that of others.

40. It is okay to train a child to be a soldier in my culture war.

41. It’s okay -- virtuous and caring, even -- to tell someone who is struggling or grieving that this life is meant to be a trial and their lot will improve drastically after they die.

42. There was a point in human history when water covered Everest by 22 feet of water, and scientists are actively hiding the geological evidence because they are in league with Satan and want me to go to hell.

43. Obedience = protection. “If you just follow God’s plan, nothing bad will ever happen to you.” The Bible is Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth and if you just do what it says, you’ll live a long and successful and fulfilling life.

44. Bad things happen to good people because omniscient God has reason to question/test their devotion. They are just being petulant or are deluded about their secret sin/doubt/disobedience, and if they search themslves and the Bible, they will see that God is well within His rights to hurt their families/hurt them/cause this hardship. (see #1,2,5,10,14,18,20,26,29,30)

45. It is okay -- advisable, even -- to tell someone who is struggling that they are being prideful/sinful/selfish, and they need to “die to self”. That can in no way be interpreted as a message of “just get over yourself or die already.”

46. In fact, just the whole ANY death imagery should be considered kind and appropriate dialogue with a human being who might be thinking of suicide. They should just know that isn’t what I mean at this turbulent point in their life. I have no responsibility to consider any other interpretation of my words or the biblical jargon/verses I use. I have no responsibility to examine what those words/jargon/verses really even say.

47. A survivor of abuse or assault has a civic duty to come forward to keep me and my daughters/children safe, but I have NO civic duty to believe/accept their account if:

a. I know the perpetrator.

b. They know the perpetrator.

c. They wear clothes I disapprove of.

d. It’s been a certain period of time.

e. They behave in a way that I disapprove of.

f. They are “sex-crazed/rebellious” teenagers or unmarried young adults.

g. The perpetrator is a public figure I approve of.

h. They “allowed” themselves to be alone with the perpetrator/somehow “put themselves” in this situation.

i. They continued a relationship with the perpetrator.

j. They are married/related to the perpetrator.

k. I am THE authority on what is abuse/assault, and believe their account does not qualify.

48. Not only do I NOT have a civic duty to believe/accept the accounts of abuse/assault survivors, I have the right to slander them publicly when I don’t. To shame them. To question the veracity of their account in the same breath that I demand why they didn’t jump at the chance to defend the women I actually care about in the wake of their trauma. They are the problem here.

49. It is impossible to have a fulfilling spiritual experience/personal contentment in life if I do not believe all of the things on this list.

50. It is certainly impossible to have a fulfilling spiritual experience/relationship with compassionate and unconditionally loving Christ if I do not believe all of the things on this list.

51. I have a spiritual and civic duty to force society worldwide to conform to my specific beliefs. (see #11)

52. It is okay to tell an underage girl that her clothing is distracting grown men in the congregation, but NOT tell the grown men in the congregation presumably raising these complaints that their “distracting” sexual thoughts are predatory and constitute pedophilia, or even incest in some cases. Similarly, it is okay to tell these girls that their clothing is distracting boys their age, but NOT tell these boys that their “distracting” sexual thoughts are predatory and sexually objectifying their sisters in Christ. It is okay to put the onus of males’ sexual sin/distraction on underage girls who presumably have better things to do (like stress about their skirt and posture and bra straps) than listen to the sermon the men are blissfully enjoying.That isn’t at all distracting or distressing to the underage girls, who need the message ... less?

Will add more as they occur to me. If you feel personally attacked by any of these things I no longer believe, please know that was not my intention, but perhaps you ought to bring that to God and find out why it is so offensive to you that I do not believe it. I was taught all of these “values” in a church by wonderful people who know not what their doctrine really says to the children they are raising and the people they are trying to reach.

[couragetaught-archive]

31 Things I’ve Learned in 31 Years

This is gonna get long, so I’ll put it under a cut, but these are some things I’ve come to realize through my own experiences. Thought I’d share them with all of you, too. <3

1. Stop comparing yourself to other people. Wait, let me say that again: STOP COMPARING YOURSELF TO OTHER PEOPLE. It’s pointless, and it never leads anywhere good. I absolutely promise, everyone you’re comparing yourself to is busy comparing themselves to other people -- or maybe even to YOU. It’s way easier said than done to give this up, I know, but it’s well worth the effort. 

2. If someone in your life is constantly depleting you of your positive energy and never giving anything positive back to you, they do not need to be in your life. 

3. Letting loose and being a little silly now and then does wonders for your overall happiness. 

4. Therapy/counseling isn’t just for those with mental illnesses, it can benefit everyone. We all deal with things like grief and trauma to varying degrees and in different ways. We all go through phases of life where we question who we are and what our place is in the world. No matter who you are, it can always help and doesn’t hurt to talk to someone objective about whatever you’re going through. Erase the stigma. 

5. Speaking of mental illness - if you have never personally dealt with it, educate yourself and again, erase the stigma. Mental illness is no different than any other illness. Education and compassion are key factors in understanding, especially for those who’ve never experienced them firsthand. https://www.mentalhealth.gov/ is a good starting point.

6. Live music is the best music. Change my mind. (You can’t.)

7. Apparently, paper made out of stone is a thing that exists in the world now, and it is glorious.

8. It’s important to have an open dialogue with people about subjects you differ/disagree on. Even if you never reach full agreement, it’s mutually beneficial to understand as many points of view as you can, and it’s entirely possible to disagree with someone and still love and respect them. 

9. My mother has a seemingly magical ability to cheat--I mean win at cards and Farkle all the time, and she didn’t pass the ability down to her eldest daughter. This isn’t advice or anything, it’s just rude. (Just kidding mom, love you.)

10. Writing down your feelings might seem like a middle-school-ish thing to do, but it seriously helps. I recommend it to everyone; even if writing isn’t your thing, it will almost certainly help you out in some way if you really give it a try.

11. Also, finding the humor or the good in stressful situations is kind of essential. Look for it, even if it’s hiding and hard to find, it’s always there somewhere. 

12. Sometimes the best days happen when you don’t have a plan and just go with the flow.

13. But also, planning is important sometimes! I mean, I realize I am the Virgo-iest Virgo ever so the need to plan is just inherently part of who I am, but still. Sometimes things need to be planned out, sometimes you can just take a leap. The key is in learning the difference and achieving balance.

14. There are SO MANY hidden treasures in my home state that I had no idea existed. Do more exploring! You don’t have to drive very far to see some unique and amazing places. 

15. Most TV shows will disappoint you. I’ve found the best way to cope is to just go ahead and rewrite them yourself. Hence roleplaying. 

16. One show that will never disappoint me is Lost, and no I will never stop talking about it. It’s a decent length investment time-wise, but it’s highly worth it. 

17. Female friendships are so valuable! I mean all friendships are, obviously, but there’s something special about friendships between girls/women. There’s this ridiculous stigma that all girls are “too catty” or “too much drama,” but I’ve found that the vast majority of women I meet are amazing and talented, and I’m better for knowing them. 

18. Do your best to refrain from pre-judging people; oftentimes, you’ll be pleasantly surprised (and probably humbled a little bit, too).

19. Try to learn a new skill at least once a year. YouTube is a great resource for how-to videos, and there are also apps like SkillShare that house a huge variety of video classes on just about any creative subject you could ever want to learn. 

20. “Don’t let anyone, ever, make you feel like you don’t deserve what you want.” (10 Things I Hate About You is one of the best movies of all-time, by the way, no question.)

21. Consuming books via audiobook or ebook is just as valid as reading a physical copy. 

22. While we’re on the subject of books, if I haven’t said it enough, please read something by Neil Gaiman at your earliest convenience, he has a lot of books to choose from and they’re all fantastic, okay, thank you for coming to my TED Talk. 

23. Skincare is so important. I wish I had sought more knowledge on it earlier in life. 

24. Life is too short to NOT dye your hair a fun color once in a while.

25. Gratitude, compassion, and humility are some of the most attractive human qualities in existence.

26. Nature is a beautiful and wonderful thing. Get out and appreciate it as often as you can, and do your part to ensure that it stays as beautiful as possible for as long as possible. It doesn’t take much and the benefits are truly endless. 

27. When I say “nature is beautiful and wonderful,” I’m not including mosquitoes. WHY? Just...why? Anyway, there are lots of good & natural ways to ward them off. Essential oils are no joke, man. 

28. Kids are cute, but not for everyone. I much prefer spoiling them rotten and giving them back to their parents...my siblings better watch out if they ever make me an aunt. 

29. Karma is a real thing, and she’s like the Hulk--you won’t like her when she’s angry, so do unto others and all that. 

30. Speaking of superheroes, superhero movies are super overdone I’M NOT SORRY PLEASE DON’T @ ME. (Just kidding, love what you love.)

31. BE NICE TO PEOPLE! 

[imaginedolanscribbles]

A heart’s journey [2/10]

Part ONE

warnings: forced marriage

words: 2.672

summary: you finally meet the twins

tagslist: @graydolan12 @sweet-dolans

TWO

When you join the breakfast table the next morning, the Duke has already left, and the Duchess and a lady, you guess to be her eldest daughter, are talking closely. All you can hear is the Duchess saying “… just outrageous!” and her daughter replying with: “But how is that her fault at all?” They fall silent when you enter the room and the girl stands up to curtesy in greeting. She has beautiful long hair that is dark at the roots but turns into a honey colour at the ends, and she isn’t wearing a dress but loose trousers and a beautiful dark jacket, lined with black fur and covered in fine silver lines.

“Good morning, my lady”, she says with a small but earnest smile. “I hope you slept well? I have been looking forward to finally meeting my future sister-in-law.”

You curtesy as well and try hard not to blush. “Pleasure to meet you, my lady.”

“You can call me Cameron”, she says and shrugs. You notice the fine silver lines on her jacket are actually hundreds of fine, small ‘V’s. “Since we’re going to be family anyway.”

You nod and carefully decide you like her. She seems like a genuine person. You sit down opposite to her, on her mother’s other side, and start eating as soon as you remember how hungry you are. The Duchess doesn’t say anything as she finishes up her breakfast, but you can’t spare her any thoughts. As long as you mind your table manners, she can’t have anything to complain about.

It’s probably good fortune they don’t turn up until you’re nearly finished. You hear them before you see them, but you don’t realise what it is you’re hearing until the door is already thrown open and the same person walks in twice.

“Hey, mum, Ethan says that… oh.” The first one interrupts himself as he notices you sitting next to his mother. His eyes are dark, almost as dark as his hair. Despite the cold temperatures out here his skin looks almost golden, contrasting sharply with the white tunic he’s wearing, tucked carelessly into his black pants. You notice something silver dangling from his ear but you can’t identify what it is from this distance.

The one that entered the room second looks exactly the same, only are his ears pierced with simple black stones, instead of the one silver dangling one. His tunic is dark blue, which is maybe why he seems paler than the first one, and it is tucked neatly into his trousers. Since the first one spoke of him in the third person, the one in the darker tunic must be Ethan. Interestingly, apart from his shiny belt buckle and the earrings, none of them are wearing any jewellery.

You stare at him for a long second, not completely grasping that this is the person you’re meant to marry, and he stares right back at you apparently equally lost for words. He’s … well, he’s unbelievably gorgeous, that’s what he is. Obviously. You’re not sure if you’ve ever seen anyone as attractive as him. Apart from his brother, of course. They look like they belong on an oil painting, something unreal, the depiction of an artist’s imagination of perfection.

It’s just that … you can’t believe yourself. Your future husband is perfect, around your age and good looking. That’s more than most girls your age can say. But still. There’s nothing, no connection. Yet, you remind yourself. You haven’t even exchanged one word, the connection will form eventually. You probably read too many romantic novels, somehow you seem to have gotten up some misguided hopes of an instant connection. Then another thought sobers you up, as well, putting Ethan’s ridiculously pleasing appearance in the background: you don’t know him, yet. He might be cruel, or mean, or violent, or all of the above. He might also be kind. The bottom line is, you don’t know. Yet.

It’s only when the Duchess clears her throat dryly that you snap out of it and scramble to your feet in such haste, you almost trip over your dress.

“Your Graces”, you croak nervously as you curtesy to the brothers. “I apologize for – “

“None of that, I’m Grayson”, the one with the silver earring says, frowning slightly. “And he’s Ethan. He really doesn’t need an extra title, just because he was born two seconds earlier.”

“Pleasure to meet you”, Ethan say and reaches out to brush his lips against your knuckles shortly.

“The pleasure is mine”, you reply automatically as you get your hand back. After another awkward pause, the Duchess has all of you sit and a heavy silence falls over the table for what feels like eons.

“Well, since we’re all here already – except for your father, but when is he not somewhere else in the important moments? – let’s make some things clear”, the Duchess starts and while she talks like she’s addressing the whole room, she only looks at you. “The wedding will take place in two months, just when winter should be in full swing. This time frame will give everyone the chance to get to know each other, it will give you time to familiarise yourself with Taoiseach Hall and its etiquettes and become an integral part of the Dolan household. The official invitations will be sent out in two weeks, but of course everyone important has already been notified to keep the date free.”

There is no question in her voice or mannerism, so all you can do is nod and try not to look too overwhelmed. You knew the rough time-frame, of course, your father told you most of this already. Two whole months in preparation are unusual when the engagement is already finalised, as you well know, but your father said it’s probably a northern custom and not to question it. The Duchess’ eyes assess you carefully. “Tonight is the welcoming banquette, where you will meet everyone significant from around here, and you will also need to go to the tailor as soon as possible.”

It takes you a second. “Oh, for the dress?”

The Duchess frowns. “Well, obviously. But also, and much more pressing, is the fact that you don’t have anything befitting the Frysk winter and we wouldn’t want you constantly sick now, would we?”

You blush at her insinuation of you living such a sheltered life, never leaving home far enough to realize how things might be different up north. You not packing the right kind of dresses also puts blame on your parents, who didn’t prepare you sufficiently, meaning they’re either too disorganised or ignorant. The worst part is, you can’t tell her how she’s wrong, because you would have to explain to her your family doesn’t have the financial means to afford you a brand new set of warmer clothes, at the moment.

Embarrassment flaming high on your cheeks you lower your eyes and stay silent.

      ++++

           The tailor notes down your measurements and hurries off immediately to start working on all the pieces, the Duchess ordered. Later that day you get a fur lined coat delivered to the rooms you’re staying in. It reaches down to your ankles and is made from a very light midnight-blue material, the weight of the clothing item stemming mostly from the silky-soft, silvery fur. The coat fits quite well with a grey dress that you brought with you, so that’s at least your outfit for tonight’s banquette decided.

You don’t see any members of House Dolan until that evening, when you finally get a chance to get to know your fiancé a little. Strangely enough you’re sat not simply next to your future husband, but you are positioned between the brothers. At home in Lausanne, this would be a scandal, especially with the two of them looking so similar. There would be no end to the talk about the seating and how it did not signal clearly which twin you were to marry and which one you weren’t. You decide against speaking up about it, though. Maybe it’s another northern custom you don’t know about in the south.

Instead you do your best to smile politely at everyone approaching your table and introducing themselves you the duchy’s heirs and you. Cameron doesn’t seem very interested in most of them, her attention wanes quickly until she resorts to nodding at people in recognition, maybe tipping her glass of wine to them and otherwise talking to the people sat next to her who seem to have lots of entertaining stories to tell her. You watch her laugh loudly, her hair loosened already, beautiful smile and perfect teeth on full display as she listens to one story after another, no care in the world – and you wish you could switch places with her. You’re not at ease in these kinds of situations and while the younger twin appears to have no problem finding something to talk about, Ethan hasn’t spoken to you since asking politely whether you liked your food.

“So, I heard you’re quite the soldier?”, you ask him when the latest suitor has retreated to their table.

Ethan nods, one corner of his mouth pulling into a lopsided smile. “I fancy myself quite apt at some military disciplines, you could say that, yeah. My father has always thought it very important for us to be educated in military strategies and all it entails. Kind of comes with being a member of this family, I guess.”

“Well, from what I’ve heard, ‘quite apt at some disciplines’ is a huge understatement”, you reply, relieved it appears you picked the right topic. “Supposedly you’re a brilliant strategist, a legendary leader, and an outstanding soldier.”

There’s a scoff from your right side and you turn around just quick enough to catch Grayson rolling his eyes. “Yeah, right. Half of that praise should go to me, since I am definitely the better soldier and at least as good a leader as you are. The strategist part … well, he’s alright at that. Better than me at least.”

“Is that true?”, you ask intrigued and turn back to Ethan, who shrugs.

“We pretty much do everything together. I’m not sure we know how to function without the other one, so he is kind of right. All the positions I’m holding, I share with Grayson. We make all the important decisions together, at least half of ‘my’ accomplishments are his, really.”

“That is so interesting. I didn’t hear it like that at home, but that’s probably because of the long way these stories travel. We don’t know much about the north in general, I’m not surprised some things get lost on their way to us”, you reply.

Their bond seems to be extraordinarily strong which makes those accomplishments all the more impressive in your eyes.

“We don’t know that much about the south, either”, Grayson admits shrugging and pours himself some wine. “There’s some names, of course, the usual rumours at court, and the cultural differences. But it’s all neither here nor there, to be honest.”

“What cultural differences do you mean?”, you question, carefully. This is thin ice you’re walking on. If you’re not careful, you might offend them or the other way around. Of course there are differences, Drottningen is a big kingdom, but you never heard of specific cultural traditions or customs of the north and you wonder what they might’ve heard the other way around. All you know are rumours about a slightly different way of living, but all in all it’s supposed to be the same culture.

“Well, your people are pretty stiff and set on etiquettes and tradition”, Grayson starts listing immediately. Ethan doesn’t say anything but the way he shifts subtly in his seat next to you, tells you he’s uncomfortable. He is probably aware of how this could turn very easily into an argument, or at the least into someone being offended. “You’re supposedly quite soft and spoilt, but I always thought that’s just the envy we harbour speaking, since you guys get to have nice weather and a warm sea instead of miserably low temperatures, dark days and icy lakes.” He frowns thoughtfully and there’s a pause. Ethan slowly starts eating again, judging the tense moment to be over, just when Grayson asks: “What stories do you guys have about us?”

He looks genuinely interested, his eyes open and wide. Grayson appears to have been able to hold on to his naiveté, as opposed to Ethan who seems much more serious and careful. That’s probably the advantage of being the younger sibling, you assume, comparing him to your Livia and Tatiana. They have a lightness to them, a carefreeness glowing behind their eyes that you have never known. It draws you in and you find it hard to look away. You want that, too.

“Not many”, you reply and avert your eyes with more difficulty than you like to admit. “They’re not really stories, either, more … they’re assumption more than anything.” You cut the meat on your plate into bitesize pieces and wait for an indication they’re interested in hearing more. Ethan doesn’t react but you can see Grayson nodding eagerly out of the corner of your eye. “Well, word down South is, Northerners are hardened and don’t know how to enjoy things – I suspect that’s similarly related to the climate like your assumption about us. You like to solve conflicts by fighting and violence, rather than diplomacy. And your culture is a strange juxtaposition of conservativism, seeing as your female descendants cannot inherit any land, property, or money, but at the same time you’re quite open, uhm, physically.”

Another pause, Ethan tensing up even more next to you, then Grayson snorts loudly into his cup. His eyes are all crinkly, betraying the smile dancing behind his twitching mouth. “’Physically’”, he repeats. “You mean sexually?”

You can’t help it, you blush deeply and hide behind your food. That word is not to be said out loud, just as the whole topic is supposed to be skirted around. Some friends of your mother have made it an art to talk about it, without ever saying anything even half as crass and forward as Grayson just did. You’re not sure if you’ve heard that word spoken out loud more than once in your life.

“I think she’s referring to the fact that we don’t teach our children to be ashamed of their bodies and desires”, Ethan jumps in, no trace of amusement in his voice. When you glance at him, he doesn’t appear to be laughing at your discomfort. His face is a perfectly neutral mask, with just the right amount of softness around his mouth to seem empathetic. Grayson is the complete opposite, he is actually giggling. You’re not sure which twin you find more frustrating.

“That is true, we have a … a less flexible sense of propriety”, you agree, trying to word your incomprehension of their culture, while not offending them too much.

“We don’t base our women’s worth on their sexual innocence, yes”, Grayson shrugs with a dry snort and there’s that word again. You feel your cheeks burning.

“Since women cannot own anything, anyhow, might as well give them physical freedom.” The words are mumbled, but they’re still out. Horrified by your own rudeness you tense up, staring blankly down at your half-eaten plate. You tried so hard to stay diplomatic and now you messed it up during the very first real conversation.

Grayson’s eyes are narrowed, but Ethan’s expression has remained neutral. He shrugs. “Women also get to choose whom they want to marry, if at all, since a family’s fate is not bound to their spouse. That balances things out a little, doesn’t it?”

You only nod and don’t look at Grayson for the rest of the night, but you can feel his eyes burning into your temple throughout the entirety of the banquet. Great. You brother-in-law already hates you. Way to go.

Part THREE: you get to know the Dolans a little better and there’s a mysterious guest.

Masterlist

[diamond-song42]

Pone Reviews 66: School Daze, Part 1 and 2 IT'S HERE! Welcome back to Pone Reviews. I have been so excited to share my thoughts on our new season opener with you. I won't leave you waiting: Here's my take on "School Daze!" To start, the moral. "Everything is unique, so the way we teach must be adapted to be unique as well." The episode stresses this with friendship specifically, but it's really applicable to any subject. Learning "by the book" isn't a great way to learn for many people. The simple classroom format with blackboard lectures and workbooks can go over people's heads. That's why each subject that is taught should be changed depending on the subject. Look at the School of Friendship curriculum, for example. It's hard to instill kindness when it is on paper and not hands-on. Teach it with cute animals! Laughter is similar. Can't do enjoyable activities like games and magic tricks when you're just reading about them. The whole situation reminds me of how traditional colleges don't mesh with some people when trade schools, beauty schools, or liberal art schools would do the trick. And I appreciate that the show is up to the time. They're not shunning traditional education: They're showing that different things work for different people and different teaching methods work for different subjects. Thanks, show! Now, the plot. Turns out the world is more than just Equestria... let's open a school! I'm going to get really philosophical here, guys. If anything, I believe this episode is actually a political commentary on racism. Chancellor Neighsay was insistent on going by the book, which is understandable with his organization basically being the all-mighty school dictator. His big problems were rooted in how he saw the yaks, dragons, griffons, hippogriffs, and Changelings. Neighsay believed the non-pony creatures were lesser than the ponies and thus undeserving of the same lessons. He partially based his decision to close the school on how the five non-pony students "attacked." Of course, the leaders were pissed, but he stood by his opinions. Neighsay's behavior brings to light a sad but real truth our world faced (and still faces). I am having trouble formulating words to describe this situation as it is such a strong subject. What was our nation's mindset that we thought lesser races weren't full people? It is an especially important message in this political climate. Somehow, we still think we have the right to be cruel to people of other races, genders, and sexualities. If anything, we should treat the character of Chancellor Neighsay as a reminder not to be that way again. We *can't* go back. As the song said, friendship always wins. It's moments like these that remind me how much I love and appreciate this show. (Seriously though, if you are a white supremacist, get the hell off my blog. I don't want trash like you near anything I create. Back to the review.) Here are some more moments from this episode that are going into the yearbook: *Ocellus. Every time Ocellus was on screen. She is a gem and must be protected at all costs. She is so pure. I love her so much. This blog might be converted to an Ocellus appreciation blog. *Gotta hand it to the students for thinking of the Castle of the Two Sisters. It's isolated and has tons of areas to live in. Also the students running away together has to be one of the sweetest things I've ever seen in this show. *DANG STARLIGHT! That pep talk was incredible. Mad props. *"STAIRS!" Silverstream is basically a bubble child. You know Cameron from the Total Drama series? She's the female equivalent of him. Her finding out about all these outside things may be a bit annoying to some, but I find her enthusiasm absolutely delightful. *Maurice LaMarche as Chancellor Neighsay everypony! For those unaware, Maurice is a voice acting god. He has done roles in animations like "Pinky and the Brain" and "Zootopia." So seeing him here is a great surprise. And he'll be back! Don't suppose we could get Rob Paulsen to do a role alongside Neighsay next time? *THE MOVIE IS CANON, FOLKS. THE MOVIE IS CANON. *The Gallus puppy dog eyes kill me. PWEEZ GWAMPA GWUFF *Gotta get an appearance from our favorite grey Pegasus... what was her name again? *The students' plan to reappear during the Friends and Family Day party is... actually pretty good. I like logic and the logic makes sense. Good on ya. *PUKWUDGIES! Another Harry Potter creature emerges in the Poniverse. *Love the busts of the Pillars of Old Equestria. They essentially formed the Mane 6's partnership - it would be right to give them some love at the school! *Oh, what up, Pharynx! I love the look on his face - he's just as confused as the rest of us. *CUPCAKES ARE BEST CAKES!!! And here are some moments from this episode that are getting an F: *Gotta love how Twilight says that the school is for every creature when Yona, Silverstream, Ocellus, Gallus, and Smolder ARE LITERALLY THE ONLY ONES OF THEIR SPECIES ATTENDING THE SCHOOL. (Spike doesn't count as he isn't a formal student.) *"They're gonna think I'm an egghead!" You admitted yourself in "Read It And Weep" that you're an egghead! *Is Grampa Gruff the grandfather of every griffon? We know he's at least Gilda's grandfather, but Gallus calls him Grampa, too, making Gallus and Gilda either siblings or cousins. It's all so confusing. *Poor Thorax being the only foreign leader who cares about peace. *Is Sandbar an orphan? He was the only significant student without an escort. *"Not even a princess can do whatever she likes when it comes to shaping young pony minds." Yeah, but... you're an all-powerful princess. Isn't that kinda the point? *How did that school building get put up so fast OH SCREW THIS *Fluttershy, I love you, but your gullibleness never ceases to amaze me. *The FRIENDSHIP School exercises corporal punishment! Also, they're fighting after what seems like a few days. Maybe it doesn't take that short of time for lessons to sink in? *Geez, Twilight shot back from her grief unusually fast. It's almost a bit unsettling. *Though the fight says a lot about how the Mane 6 aren't getting across to the students, it is a little brash to fight in a friendship school. *Chancellor Neighsay might be a big priss, but some of his points regarding the other creatures are valid. The Changelings, though they've been reformed for some time here, have only been nice for a little while in Equestria, not to mention Chrysalis is still on the loose. Meanwhile, Flash Magnus and the Royal Legion fought dragons in the past, with the dragons attacking first. And the yaks literally DECLARED WAR after the ponies didn't quite get their traditions right. *Twilight's kinda right - party cannons in a classroom might not end well. To close it out: An educational episode with outstanding political messages and adorable Changelings. Excuse me while I buy all the Ocellus merch. 4.5 out of 5 rainbows 🌈🌈🌈🌈% Thanks for reading my first Season 8 Pone Review. Come back Saturday for another throwback episode featuring a map adventure! Let's do this, Season 8! Diamond out!

[livinginlavender]

Monsieur Rock, meet Mademoiselle Hard Place

Have you ever heard the expression, “Stuck between a rock and a hard place?” Generally, it means that you’re caught between two options that both suck, or maybe two options that you don’t like. You end up feeling like you have to choose between the lesser of two evils, trying to figure out which one is going to end up being less detrimental in the long-run.

I graduated from college in May of 2017 with a B.S. in Marketing, as I’ve mentioned on this blog before. I had (stupidly) decided not to follow in my sister’s footsteps in regards to applying for jobs long before I graduated because… I guess I didn’t think I needed to. It was so easy for her to find a job, why should it be any different for me?

It was different. Very different.

She graduated with a double-major in Marketing and Supply Chain Management, and the latter degree was what got her a job right out of school. I hadn’t given myself that option, deciding to focus on marketing because I was good at it and it came easily to me. What I was really doing, however unknowingly, was limiting my options.

So I graduated and eagerly entered the job hunt, sure that someone would see my resume, call me in for an interview, experience my sharp wit and bubbly personality, and decide to hire me soon thereafter. After all, I have the degree, some experience, and I’ll quickly pick up the rest, right?

Rose-tinted glasses don’t suit me very well, I’ve found.

I searched and searched all summer, applying for any and every job I could. I continually modified my resume, tailored my cover letter, trying to find somewhere that would hire me and allow me to use my sparkling new degree. A couple companies talked with me, but it ultimately came down to one thing: they wanted a candidate with more experience.

How am I supposed to get experience if no one will hire me?

I spread out my search even more. I started applying for temporary positions and internships, even ones that didn’t pay very well. Most of the temp positions never even got back to me, and the internships didn’t want to bring on non-students, which I now was. The rose-tinted glasses faded to clear, and I felt myself begin to panic.

I temporarily moved in with some friends in Michigan in hopes that being in the state would help me more easily find a job. I’d be closer to interview or apply in person, I thought, but I never made it past the resume screenings.

As I mentioned in a previous post, my mom spontaneously got me a job at a Curves in Michigan. It was loosely marketing-based, but I only worked for maybe 20 hours a week. The job challenged me, but not in a way that would help me grow; I began to deeply doubt my abilities and self-worth. I was severely depressed, but I stuck it out for four months before deciding it would be more detrimental if I stayed, and so I left.

I moved back home. My dad started reaching out to his connections. I realized I didn’t really have any, which was a huge part of my problem. I kept applying for jobs, gaining and losing hope a lot more quickly than I did before. And that’s mostly what has led to my current rock-and-hard-place situation.

It’s like a deadline has been slowly approaching and the last year of my life has been wasted; there will be oceans of new graduates in the next month-and-a-half to two months, and I’ll be left in the dust. Who wants a college graduate with only four months of working in the entire year since they graduated? Who wants to hire someone who looks to have been sitting on their butt doing nothing, despite all of their unsuccessful efforts to get a job in that time?

It boils down to this: my rock (the need to get a job before new students graduate) and my hard place (going back to school once this month and a half is up) have the potential to be very positive depending on how I view them.

If I go with the rock (which is my personal preference), I’ll have a job, be gaining experience, and be working with people. But that, of course, is assuming there’s someone out there willing to take a chance on me; just because I know who I am and what I’m capable of doesn’t mean that anyone else can see it by looking at a piece of paper detailing my achievements.

If I go with the hard place, I’ll be furthering my education (which I planned to do anyway), and I’ll potentially set myself up for a great job in the future. But my parents saved up and paid for my undergraduate degree with the agreement that any further education I’d want would be out of my own pocket. Without a job that has a reimbursement program, I have no way to pay for furthering my education without taking out loans, and…well. With it getting harder for students to pay back loans (hello, interest rates), and the cost of higher education inexplicably increasing year by year, it may not be my most plausible option, even if it’s all I have.

I always expected that life was like a flow chart: if you do A, it takes you to B. If you do B1, you’ll get to box C. If you do B2, you’ll get to box D. But sometimes, you do A, and magically pop up at box Q. Or you skip A, but somehow find your way to D. There isn’t one way to go through life, or be successful, or get to where you ultimately want to go.

That can be frustrating for a structure-loving planner.

So here I am, caught between two options with entirely different sets of pros and cons, wobbling back and forth in an attempt to decide which to fully commit to. There’s technically no right or wrong answer, but the pressure to make the “correct” choice is weighing me down like a ton of bricks. Or feathers. Really, just a ton of any solid object that seems to be subtly suffocating me with the way gravity is pulling on it.

If you’re a current college student, or even if you’re currently advising college students, this is what I hope you take away from my experience: I spent a great deal of time in college focusing on classes and grades, which is good. But the four most important factors to getting a job after college are these:

1. Do internships. Do as many internships as you can. I don’t care if your university tells you that one is enough, or if they don’t require an internship at all; take any opportunity you can to get formal experience.

2. Make connections. Stay in touch with the people you intern with, join clubs on campus, join organizations off campus, whatever. Get in contact with people, stay in contact with people, and utilize those peoples’ connections to expand your network.

3. Get some “leadership” experience. That doesn’t mean, “Go be the president of six different clubs!” You can head fundraising and event committees. Be an intramural sport team captain. Be the treasurer for a club on campus. Get that informal experience!

4. Keep a portfolio of ALL of your work, good and bad. You can always weed through it later, but you can only weed through the work you decided to keep, so keep all of it!

If you’re currently in a similar situation to mine, I have something to say to you too: keep your chin up. It’s incredibly easy to put yourself down and beat yourself up over the extra mile you could have gone, or the decision you “should” have made. Channel your inner Elsa and let it go; THE PAST IS IN THE PAAAAAAST!

But seriously. Chin up. Eyes forward. You can’t change your past decisions, but the future is in your hands. Start a blog (like me!), make an Etsy shop (also...like me…), or get into freelancing (which...I’m trying to do, I guess?). It’s easy to sit on your butt and apply for jobs day in and day out. In the meantime, work on yourself, personally and professionally. Find your focus, hunker down, and hone your skills.

We’ll get there. We always do.

[imaginemycroftholmes]

Mycroft Form Submission

Name: Destiny Nationality: American Age (note that if you below 21 your scores may be lower until age of legality): 31 Personality Type: INTP (according to the Meyer-Briggs personality test) Level of Education: Associates Degree ; Studying for BA Best Subject: Creative Writing and Art Worst Subject: Math Favorite Subject: Art and Creative Writing 5 Hobbies (if applicable): illustration, fanfiction writing, running fan blogs, video games, photography Favorite Genre of Music/Movies/Books: Music –> Anime & Video Game Soundtracks, Movie Soundtracks, some modern music, 90’s / Early 2000s R&B, but I’ll listen to almost anything else to try it. Movies: –> I am a Marvel Movies junkie. I’ve watched almost any kind of film. I hate horror films they make me startled and panicky. Classic films are great “My Fair Lady”, “Gone With The Wind”, “Rosebud”, etc. Books: –> Self Help Books, Romance Novels, Mystery Last song you listened to on repeat: Track 9 from “Princess Maker Soundtrack” Last phrase you said to another living person: “He is full of sh**.” (He is a liar.) How many blankets do you sleep with: I start with a blanket then kick it off if me in the middle of night 7 note worthy skills: I can be mature and professional when required. I can shut off my emotions so it doesn’t interfere with work. I am proficient in Adobe Creative Suite. I can smile in the face in my enemies and not lose my temper. I have a survivor’s mentality and will overcome any situation. I never stay still for long while at work. Yo hablo un poco de Español. 7 noticeable sins: I have been abused and I have also been an abuser. I am sometimes obsessed with erotica. I judge people behind their back. It is hard for me to forgive people. I overeat either because I want to or because of emotional eating. I have anger issues. I am Christian but also have a borderline Misanthrope attitude towards people (hypocrisy). Allergies/impairments/illnesses: Hashimoto’s Disease, Dairy Allergy, Medically Obese Level of Intelligence on a scale of 1 to 5 (1 being dumb, 2 being below average, 3 being average, 4 being above average and 5 being genius): 3 Level of Fitness on a scale of 1 to 5( 1 being obese, 2 being overweight, 3 being average, 4 being fit and 5 being skinny): 1 I am medically obese Level of Attractiveness on a scale of 1 to 5 (1 being Anderson, 2 being below average, 3 being average, 4 being above average and 5 being Mycroft): 3 ½ Feline, canine or both: Canine Confidence Level on a scale from 1 to 5 (1 being nonexistent, 2 low, 3 average, 4 above average and 5 Sherlock): 2 ½ Position in the Family (oldest, youngest, middle): Oldest Eye Color: Green Hair Color and Length: Brown, Short touching bottom of ears Combat level on a scale 1 to 5 (1 being useless, 2 being somewhat capable, 3 being average, 4 being more than capable and 5 being expert): 2 Your normal dress: A loose top with dark colors or a floral print, jeans, dark shoes How well you take rejection on a scale of 1 to 5 (1 being temper tantrum, 2 being vindictive, 3 being average, 4 being can take it like a man, and 5 being like water off of a duck’s back): 4 Languages known: English and some Spanish. Studying Italian and French on the side to learn differences and similarities in romance languages. Cleanliness of your bathroom on a scale of 1 to 5 (1 being a crime scene, 2 being messy, 3 being average, 4 being pretty clean and 5 being perfectly spotless) 2. I clean once a month to make it spotless but on average its messy. How big is your circle of friends on a scale of 1 to 5 (1 being nonexistent, 2 being very small, 3 being average, 4 being large, and 5 being a massive social network) 2. It’s better to have a few trusted friends than hundreds of fake friends. How would you rate your mental health on a scale of 1 to 5 (1 being very poor, 2 being poor, 3 being average, 4 being good, and 5 being prefect): 2 ½ Opinions on the current Holmes family members ( Siger Holmes, Violet Holmes, Sherlock Holmes and Eurus Holmes): Sherlock fascinates me and amuses me. I would probably piss him off laughing at his humor and fascinating way of solving a case (deductions and such). Eurus I honestly feel sorry for. She is insane, no doubt. But she is also deeply wounded and misunderstood. I would visit her with Mycroft and family from time to time to listen to her and Sherlock play music together Siger Holmes I don’t know too well. I would try my best to get along with him. Violet Holmes I would have a problem with her if she openly criticized Mycroft in front of me. She is Mycroft’s Mum so I would try my best to get along with her. She would secretly have an immediately dislike to me since I am an “ignorant Yank” but I know she would be polite. Any passive aggressive insults or direct I would ignore or say “I’ll keep that in mind.” The biggest problems we’d have is that she would wonder why on earth her son has associated with me on any level. Please bold the following below that applies toward your submission: Friendship Mentorship Relationship Partnership

The Question portion: Please note that you do not have to submit the pictures within your submission (save the puzzle) but you must answer them honestly and do so without cheating. (I’ll answer the ones I can do and skip the rest) 4) Center of the chest. 5) Cross out 555 and put in correct answer of 20 6) OCD. He has a ritual he MUST follow or he panics. 7) I’d leave the door open to the other room and test each switch until I see the light come on. 8) I would watch body and eye language (assuming the gods have human form) and the one that always lies I’d be able to tell right away. The one who randomly lies would be more difficult. I would cross examine and ask same question in different ways to see if their answer would change 9) Get a locksmith to open the lock. 11) The blue house owns a fish. (blue for color of water) 12) Alexander should go to shore of island and wait out the fire and hope it rains. 13) Cannot be determined 15) 0 17) Joyce 20) Michelangelo or Leonardo daVinci 22) About 400 people 24) There are two photographs of two different dresses. So both. 25) The paragraph is written like dialogue.

Mycroft’s answer:

It would seem that more than your namesake brought you here didn’t it Destiny? My lame attempt at humor aside if it should help with your studies on the romance languages they do share very similar structures which allows them to be interchangeable in some situations while still being understood in the opposing language. It’s a bit strange that despite learning these languages you wouldn’t recognized the true artist behind the painting (as the hail from one of those romance languages) but recall that the American education system isn’t on par with that of Mother England’s. I must confess that sometimes I too emotionally eat when Sherlock is being particularly stressful with his ‘ hobbies’ but I am currently trying to beat those bad habits through therapy and healthy coping mechanisms. I would presume that you too are also doing your best to overcome your inner demons as am I for great people must struggle a great deal to achieve their means. It is a reoccurring pattern to find so many artistically inclined submissions whose Achilles hill is mathematics. I confess that I only find the subject more entertaining when it pertains to my interests rather than the dribble of uninspired problems presented. I have no doubts that if you put 100% into yourself as you do your education you can overcome any of your obstacles. I know it may sound like something out of a dime store card but it’s true. Sometimes the truth is that simple and sometimes we need someone to remind us of those simple truths (John, Sherlock, Mrs. Hudson, etc.) when we forget to remember them. Should you require my services or a listening ear I am readily available for that. You don’t have to call me, oh no, trust me, I have my ways of knowing. Just have the courage to answer the phone.*

*Also I promise not to do the whole ‘mysterious act’ like I did with the good doctor so be aware that I will call and leave a message on your home phone or cellphone as Dr. Watson says that it is “Creepy as hell you twat and call like a normal person! No wonder you have so few friends!”

Friendship: 7.2/10

Relationship: 3.9/10

[bumblingseabiscuit]

Tumblr made me think a lot today, and I am going to do my best to try and tackle a pretty heated conversation. I apologize if I do not cover everything, this is something with over 300 posts and very “at opposites” sides. 

“Half-Breed” / “Halfling”

I start this off by addressing the main context of the conversation: “Is the use of the word half-breed racist?”

In my personal opinion, I will say: yes. 

“Does the use of the word half-breed make someone racist?”

In my personal opinion, I will say: no.

I’m going to do my best to explain why I can acknowledge the difference.

Presentation: I’m of the opinion that starting a discussion on the offensive will always place people on the defensive. This means, they shut their ears, they close their eyes, and they feel like they first and foremost need to shield themselves from your ‘attacks.’ 

Now the argument can be made here that’s, “Good, they should feel attacked like we do every day.” Unfortunately, that. . .  isn’t quite how it works. I’d argue it’s a touch hypocritical. You’re trying to escape that hate, you know better than anyone why it’s important to not put it upon someone. 

It also closes people down to viewpoints and means more people turn away from your side. Does that make this racist? I don’t feel like I’m qualified to decide that. Honestly, I think it’ll depend on who you talk to. I do think that it’s hard to understand hatred. I do think it’s hard to join the side of someone who is attacking you. I do think self-preservation is coded into all of us. Whether or not that excuses their actions can remain up to the individuals involved.

There will always be those who will scream and shout in argument to whatever point you may bring up because of their racism or their privilege (or honestly both), but in trying to educate, in trying to change the narrative, you need to appeal to those that have privilege and just don’t understand the other side. Who haven’t been shown the other side. These people aren’t inherently evil, racist, or against you. But if you approach them on the offensive it’s easy for them to go on the defensive. 

I don’t feel like people who use the word “half-breed” are inherently racist because:

Privilege: they’ve not experienced the other side

Language barrier: it’s been pointed out why this may be the case

Privilege:

I want to buffer this to my followers: Privilege is not an evil word. It’s not an offensive word. It’s not a word used to insult you. I know in some cases people use it that way. There are extremists in every movement who will taint terms with their outlooks. However, I want you to take a moment and acknowledge that here, right now, I’m not using this as a word to attack you.

Instead, I’m trying to explain things the best I can.

Privilege is the lacking experience of social situations or hierarchy because of your religion, your skin color, your gender, or your sexuality. It means that you don’t inherently experience the world in a darker light. It means you don’t face having to consider:

whether or not to wear your khimar 

how to style your hair for a job interview

whether or not the outfit you wear is “too skimpy”

if you can hold hands with your lover

These are just some examples and there are hundreds upon thousands of alternative examples that explain how you may have the privilege that others don’t, and why those other people may have aches and pains you may not understand.

So here’s where that comes into play for “half-breed” and “halfling.”

Many of you who have experienced the term, “half-breed,” outside of biracial communities, experienced it in an online fantasy world. From D&D, to WoW, to XIV, Dragon Age, Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, and a plethora of other worlds where racial / species mixing is possible. However, I encourage you to apply critical thinking in these situations.

In most cases, when the term “half-breed,” is used in a fantasy realm, it is being used in a derogatory means. Example:

“Ack! A half-breed your kind aren’t welcome in my bar!”

“Did you see that man. Yes! The one over there! The half-breed. I can’t imagine how he ever got work at Lady Amarth’s home.”

“She’s a mudblood, filthy she is.”

XIV in particular shows that mixed races are treated poorly. They’re kicked out from their tribes, they’re disowned by their family, they’re cast to the slums. Half-breed is rarely used as a “positive” or “neutral” descriptive in fantasy narratives. When it’s presented in a neutral fashion that’s often because the setting has already been shown to not have socially progressed. Calling someone a “half-breed,” is as ‘natural,’ as more inappropriate insults were before our society progressed.

Still with me?

When we apply critical thinking, we can see that the term “half-breed,” is in most cases a racist term supplied by fantasy creators to set a negative mood. So we can see in our fantasy settings how this term is considered derogatory. And at this point, we’re forced to recognize the fact that this term is meant to be racist (and thereby is racist). It’s meant to split a character apart from the “purebloods,” because the pureblood are viewed as “superior.”

This is something that, as a privileged person, you can grasp onto with a level of tangency. It’s a good step into progressing you into the further outlook of why the term, “half-breed,” is racist. And that’s because:

It’s used to insult biracial human beings. 

Privileged people only hear half-breed in correlation to a dog, a cat, or another animal. It’s important to remember that many people don’t and are treated not unlike animals. Many colored communities are still treated as if they’re less than human and those communities face a plethora of insults in the form of racial slurs that you, as a person of privilege, would never have flung at you. One of which is, half-breed, and as such (as you can see from the discussion) it’s very hurtful to those who are and have been part of those communities.

Language:

This has already been touched upon by @nightmaze into why some people may not recognize the derogatory term. I will say that dismissing this point entirely isn’t quite fair to non-English speakers and non-American inhabitants. English, in of itself, is a mess of non-grammar, non-infliction words that develop connotations through historical use more than linguistic design. Our language is a mess. 

People from entirely different countries, with far less knowledge of American history, who have words that loosely translate into what we perceive here as insulting should not inherently be deemed “racist,” or their points invalid. That being said, this is meant to be a bridge to understanding and not an excuse. Mistakes will always happen when you learn a different language. The important part, for you as a bilingual speaker, is to understand and educate yourself on why a word you thought was fine, isn’t.

Does your mistake make you inherently racist? Nah, heck no. In fact, it’s probably going to happen a lot (especially growing up in a completely different country from where such drastic history was held). How you handle the mistake reflects on you, though.

(*I will note “you” here is being utilized in a general way and not targeting Nightmaze specifically)

ALL RIGHTY. So now we tackle some general miscommunications.

“I’d never say this word in real life. It’s my character who is racist!” That’s fine. If you use this term and acknowledge the fact that it is racist, and your character is being racist, your character can face the in character consequences of their actions. However. There’s this idea that “IC=/=OOC,” is this great holy black-and-white rule and it’s not. Your pretendy times is not more important than my mental health. Your pretendy times shouldn’t be more important than our friendship. Not blending IC and OOC is always a good idea, but sometimes, people are just made incredibly uncomfortable by an action or word and they’re allowed to be uncomfortable. They’re allowed to ask you to stop, or not do that thing or use that word around them, and if you have any respect or regard for the player on the other end of the screen I’d hope that you would consider a level of empathy. 

An example I can provide is rape. If your character is a rapist, and you 100% acknowledge that is evil and that your character is evil, that’s on you. You do you. I’d ask for you to not play that character around me, not try to rape my character, or bring up rape around me/my character. Because while it’s in character for yours, I am personally made uncomfortable. Sure you can scream, “IC IS IC!” but honestly why does that matter at this point? I’m uncomfortable, it upsets me, and you’re telling me to, “Just get over,” my real world feelings for your fake world pretendy fun times. 

If you’re one of the people that prefer to protect the sanctity of your writing and roleplay over the sanctity of a person’s thoughts and real world emotions I’d suggest for you to do some critical self-thought, and look into yourself to see why that is.

“I’ve never encountered half-breed as being racist!” And now you have! And I’ve tried my best to provide reasoning as to why and I’d hope you consider using a different term. 

“This seems blown out of proportion.” That’s because you’ve likely never been on the receiving end of constant hate. What may seem silly to you is extremely hurtful to others. And isn’t that what’s more important here? People are hurting. It’s really easy in this case to be empathetic and make an effort to see they don’t hurt by removing a term from your vocabulary. 

At the end of the day folks, that latter point is what this comes down to. While I think going around and name calling, being on the offensive, and generally getting really heated is not going to be how this subject educates people I do understand why it’s a snap-reaction. A lot of you have experienced heartache. A lot of you have privilege. Those two things combined with no proper foundation creates a rocky discussion platform and I feel like more people came out of this on the defensive when they should have come out with understanding.

I hope that, at the end of the day, this helps to create a more neutral and understanding conversation going forward. I’m sorry I couldn’t tackle everything, this is already extremely long. I’m not going to spoiler this because honestly it’s really important to read. So instead, I’m just going to apologize for, “The long post.”

[privycommblog3p18-blog]

Audience Studies (3P18) Blog Post #3

Throughout this blog, I will be discussing how I have been an audience to social media and seen the way it frames stories. I watch as it takes information, manipulates it, and makes people believe things that are both deceiving and ignorant. This happens in all types of media but I find that this happens most specifically when referring to news and politics.

Lately I have been feeling really frustrated while being online. Part of the reason is because I am, more now than ever, realizing how much of a minority opinion I have in comparison to what is being most broadly showcased through social media. This would not be such a big issue if I felt my voice was, in some way, being heard. The problem, is that my opinions are not heard and I can guarantee I am not the only one who feels the way I do, yet I seem to be one of the few people that is willing to stand up against this. Earlier in the year we discussed a topic called spiral of silence which is essentially the idea that people will stay silent when they do not share the opinion of the majority. This not only leads to people’s voices not being heard, but calls into question how democratic our society truly is. I think that a big reason why this could be happening is because of the transfer from “producers” being the dominant producers of content, to “procumers” who are the consumers who are also influencing the production. This is very much related to symbolic patronage which provides one measured example of a way in which audiences now have a greater ability to influence production and industry decision-making (Navar-Gill, 2018). By giving people the ability to control content, we loose the ability to censor what is true and what is not.

Even though I do not agree with the way that our media is evidently one sided, I am still able to understand that in order for producers to be successful and for them to be able to continue putting out their content, they need to be producing for the masses. With this means producing for the dominant ideology in society. This is unfortunate for me because it will in turn make me feel like my opinion is not valid. On the other hand, it is unfortunate for the masses because they are now only being exposed to one side of things which limits their ability to have a fully rounded view of the topic.  

Going a little further into my rant about how frustrated I am, I want to talk about the idea of Alchemy. Alchemy is when “A base metal is being transformed into gold, or at least mundane data are being transformed into a virtual currency unit” (Athique, p. 64). This is important in audience studies because it is our ability to create value from our essentially worthless data through aggregation of details. The reason that this relates to my topic, is because it exemplifies the idea that people are able to take useless information that no one is affected by, put a twist on it and make it blow up on the internet framed as something it isn’t. Antique expands on this and is able to relate it to how people use this for advertising, marketing and consumption purposes. Just because I love ranting SO MUCH.. I am going to give a personal experience with this. Two weekends ago, I had the honor of attending the Provincial Conservative Convention in Toronto as a delegate representing Brock. With being a delegate came the responsibility of voting on proposed constitutional amendments and other possible propositions. One of the things that I had the chance to vote on was Policy Resolution R4—Education and Community Safety. Essentially what this was trying to get across was that as of right now, the educational system teaches and promotes “gender identity theory”. If it is nothing but an ideology or theory and not fact, it is not something that the conservative party wants to be taught until it is defined so that there is no confusion to the children who are learning it. If Gender is defined more clearly then the conservative party would fully respect it being taught, but an ideology is not enough for them. When the media got a hold of this policy resolution they went crazy. A big thing that we learn about in our Audience Studies class is the idea of framing, which is “the selection of certain aspects of reality in order to make them more salient in a bid to promote a desired interpretation” (Entman, 1993). With this specific situation, framing is what completely misconstrued the masses. The way that people began to see this story was that Conservatives hate LGBTQ which is not true at all. More specifically I saw a post that a woman made on Facebook as seen bellow. She utilized the theory of Recontextualization which is when gaps are filled in texts by adding in stories or missing scenes (Good, Lecture), She did this by making her own content up to give a false context. When I saw what she wrote, I was filled with rage because I am beyond tired of seeing people who are not educating themselves on topics, becoming prosumers and putting false information out to the world. When people do this, they often use a catchy title and draw people in. The worst part is that people who are using social media are often not interested enough to do research or explore the topic and they believe the headline which is almost always exaugurated and opinionated, not fact. In this situation, the woman is attempting to say that Conservatives are trying to erase people’s existences which is so incredibly far from the intent its actually comical.  I attached my response to the post to give you guys an idea of how I tried to interject while staying somewhat respectful.

I believe that the comment I made could add to a potential moral realignment. This is when the original narratives moral universe is inverted. What happens is the villains’ adapt their own stories and become the protagonists (Good, Lecture). By me being respectful and showing her that she can not blabber on, I opened up the doors for her to change perspective and possibly do some further research. I, being the villain here, because I share a different view, could now become the protagonist because I have made a stance that could entice people to look further into me and other things I believe in.

Feeding off of this post, I want to briefly mention “SME” which stands for social media editor’s. Overall, “SMEs emphasized technology and human interest stories while downplaying the conflict and economic impact frames” (Wasike, 2013). Evidently this woman could not be more clear with acting as an SME.Going away from my own example but looking at the topic as a whole, SMEs can relate, especially when talking about politics, the stories that make it big on social media are based entirely on progressive issues relating to people and technology. The second that economic impact is brought in, the story becomes boring or seen as ‘ignorant”. This is why it is so hard to talk about facts online. To quote my favourite political speaker, Ben Shapiro, “Facts don’t care about your feelings”. The reason that I love this quote so much is because I believe that people today are way too hung up on the way that they feel and become micro aggressed by everything that they see to the point that people are ignoring facts to compensate for the way that people feel. This can become dangerous, especially online because it increases the chance for false information to be spread just because it makes people feel good.

During lecture, we discussed data mining and how “The primary motivation of the data-mining process is to create value through the aggregation of details which in their raw form are largely worthless” (Good, Lecture). I find this idea really interesting because often when there is a lot of information on a topic, the pieces that seem the most interesting or shocking become the main focus similar to clickbait. This is done by combining several smaller points to create something bigger. The problem with this is that a lot gets left out and people become uninformed.

At this point I know I have been ranting quite a bit but I want to finish off this rant by discussing a few more issues that really urg me at times.

A big part of the Navar-Gill article was understanding the difference between transformational and affirmational fandom. Transformational fans are primarily those who want to celebrate women, queer or minorities who feel underappreciated by the media (Navar-Gill, 2018). Affirmational Fans are seen as male, white and heterosexual. These are people who are unaware of their own media privileges (Navar-Gill, 2018). Right now, there is a big push in the media to see only the progressive voice, but a question that I must raise is “at what point are we progressive enough, and when are we going to far?”. I understand that transformational and affirmational fans are using generalizations to define them but it bothers me that we are told that being male, white, and heterosexual also means that you are unaware of your privileges. As if it is impossible to have a different opinion. The point I am trying to make here is that this leftist ideology is even in our education system. Refocalization, which is when the focus of the character shifts to secondary or minor characters, is often done to allow minorities and women a chance to be heard (Good, Lecture). It is something that I am happy that has been implemented to allow those voices to be heard. I will not argue that we need to be accepting and celebrate our minorities as the transformational fans do, but I do not think that this should mean hating on affirmational fans as they each serve a different purpose.

My rant is over, but I just want to leave you with something to think about. Please, when you are on social media, do not allow the first thing you read to leave a lasting impression of the topic. Do some research and educate yourself to give yourself your own opinion and a voice. Stand up for yourself when you see people spewing false information and only share factual information.

[pastordorry-blog]

The Job of Savior has been Filled

“I Believe in Jesus the Son”

Apostles Creed Series, Week 3

Luke 15:25-32

January 21, 2018

           Last week we read the first part of this story which is often called the Parable of the Prodigal Son.  We used it to take a look at what it tells us about God the Father.  Perhaps a better name for this famous story is the Parable of the Faithful Father.  

         This week we're looking at the end of the story and considering it from the older brother's point of view.  I've been wondering this week, what do you think it was like for the older brother while the younger brother was away?  If the two brothers were close, it might have been very lonely for the older brother.  But, just about every story in the Bible that involves brothers, the brothers have trouble getting along.  Isaac and Ishmael.  Jacob and Esau.  Joseph and all of his brothers.  I think the people who originally heard this parable would have assumed there was some degree of rivalry between these two brothers.  So maybe the younger brother walking away came as good news to the older brother.  No more younger brother, no more sibling rivalry!  No more fighting over sharing the bathroom sink, or getting the bigger slice of cake for dessert, or which one of them was the father's favorite.  

         No more younger brother meant no more fighting.  But we can be sure there was anything but peace in their home.  Last week we talked about how it must have been hell on earth for the father, to not even know where his son was living.  He must have been worried sick.  Talk about a hollow victory.  Finally, the older brother has his father's undivided attention--only now, the father is so upset and distracted, he still cannot focus on and celebrate the older son.

         It must have been awful, during that time, to be the son at home.  How could he enjoy his life, knowing his father was grieving the loss of the younger brother?  How could he be happy if his father wasn't?  I am sure the older brother would have given anything to heal his father's broken heart.  But nothing the older brother did would have plugged the hole left by the younger brother. The older brother was powerless to make things better.

         Have you ever been in a situation like that with your family?  Powerless to make things better?  It's awful, isn't it?  Our son Wes is 23 years old and got the flu right after Christmas.  I had to keep reminding myself, he's an otherwise healthy young man, he will be fine.  Even though he's all grown up, we still worry!  And then his flu turned into pneumonia.  Within ten days he was fully recovered, but wow.  I don't know how parents cope if they have a child who is seriously ill.  There is something in us that cannot rest until our kids are well.

         As much as parents want to heal our kids, it might surprise you to hear that kids always want to heal their parents, too.  Growing up our parents are the people we love the most in the whole world. We want them to be completely well so they will have the energy to love us well.  As we get older, we form other relationships, and our parents may no longer be the people we love the most in the whole world.  But still, we always wish we could heal our parents. We hate seeing them suffer. And we still want them to be completely well, so they will have the energy to love us well.    

         Imagine, then, how hard it must have been for the older brother while his younger son was gone.  There was nothing he could do to fix his father's broken heart.  Even if he did back flips across the whole front yard, it would not have solved things.  He could be the very best son ever, and it wouldn't have taken away his father's grief.      

We can understand his resentment, then, when the younger son comes home.  The good behavior of the older son didn't make a dent in the father's grief, but the younger son---who had the audacity to ask for his inheritance early, who squandered his share of the family's wealth on loose living, who tarnished the family name by hanging out with hogs--this reprobate, no good, swine feeding "this son of yours", his coming home made all the difference.  He made the father so happy, the father ran to meet him!  He made the father so happy, a party was immediately planned.  They might as well have made a podium and put the younger son on it, and declared him the winner of the sibling rivalry contest.  

The younger son succeeded in doing what the older son could not do:  heal the father.  And the older brother hated him for that.  Apparently he did not just wish his father would be healed--he wanted to be the one to heal him.  Perhaps that is true for all of us.  We not only want to see our parents get healed--but we also want to be the healer. We wish we could be the savior.

But none of us is the savior.  When I was in seminary, I did a year of field education, like Lexi is doing now, at a church down the road from my house.  My supervisor was named George Tigh.  He's retired now, but some of you may know his name because he served for many years at Scottsville UMC near the Neshaminy Mall. He told me once, "Dorry, the job of pastor has been filled.  You didn't get it.  I didn't get it.  Jesus got it."

It sounds so simple to say that, but it is not easy to live out.  Last week we talked about our belief in God the Father, who not only created the heavens and the earth, but who invites us to partner with God to make heaven come to earth.   We get to be collaborators with God to bring about God's kingdom.  Isn't that amazing?  But as Jim Mershon will tell you, co-captain is not the same as captain. Collaborating is not the same as getting to do it by yourself and get all the credit.  We say we believe Jesus is our Savior.  But then we worry and work as if everything is all up to us.

As I have thought about this scripture passage this week, the word that keeps coming to mind is surrender.  There is an AA group that meets here now on Saturday mornings, and the place is packed.  They are a witness to us, that  the very first step required for healing is to surrender.  To admit you are powerless over alcohol and call on your higher power for help.  The younger brother looked around and realized, he had no power to make things better where he was.  He was starving, he was broke, and he could not figure out how to make it better. So he surrendered his dream of living on his own, and headed for home.  What he didn't realize is, he didn't need to come home as a servant or slave.  The Father would be so happy to receive him, he would come home as a beloved child and friend.  That is what God does for us if we come home. God looks upon us and sees, not our sin, not our deficits, but our belovedness. Christ's brokenness makes us whole. That is what our Savior will do for us if we surrender our wills to his.

The older brother found himself also in a situation where he was powerless.  He could not heal his father's broken heart.  But instead of asking for the Father's help, he just kept trying harder. He kept working harder and harder, but it got him nowhere.  Have you heard the saying, "Keep your nose to the grindstone, and all you'll get is a short nose?"  Work is important.  Rule following is important.  But it did not get the older son the closer relationship with his father that he wanted all along.

Both brothers are men in need of a savior. The younger brother needs to be saved from his sin.  And the older brother needs to be saved from his pride.  Oh it would be so nice if we never needed anyone else, if we could solve all our problems by ourselves!  Wouldn't it be nice if each of us would be enough to heal our parents, or heal our world? We are special, we are important--but we are not all that.  The job of savior has been filled.  I didn't get it.  You didn't get it.  But thanks be to God, someone got it!  And that someone is named Jesus.  He became our savior, in part because he was born to be our savior.  But he also became our savior the same way we get saved: by surrendering.  He surrendered his will to the Father's, and because of that, the world began anew.  

Each of us is like the younger brother, in need of saving from our sin.  But my guess is, each of us is also like the older brother, in need of saving from our own private desires to be the savior.  What might happen if we would surrender our wills to the Father's?  As we recite the Apostles' Creed today, let us do so pledging our loyalty to JESUS as our Savior.  Amen.  

  �^uo�

[thoughttwelve-blog]

7 Decisions I Made This Summer That Changed My Life For Good

1. To truly love myself

What an abstract thing it is to love oneself. At least I always thought so. I never understood how rewarding it is to feel complete while being on your own. I believed that loving yourself was about looking in the mirror without make-up on and feeling beautiful, but that is actually about 10% of this long and tedious journey. Because letting go of my obsession with appearance was a lot harder than I thought it could ever be. Yes, I'm fine with the bags under my eyes, my soft belly and my tiger marks, and yes, I feel beautiful with or without make-up. But loving yourself, and I mean to truly love yourself, comes after you realize that you are imperfect in every way. We make mistakes, we hurt the ones we love and we make poor decisions. We are human, and in order to love our self, we have to forgive our self. I can't say I've forgiven myself for everything I have ever done wrong but I can say that I try every day to redeem myself and to learn from the pain I've gone through. Forgiving yourself is VERY hard and it can take a life time, all you can do is learn from your mistakes and don't make the same decisions the next time around, and trust me, you will have the opportunity to make these bad decisions again sometime in your life. When you love something or someone you don't want to see them in pain, right? Of course not, the same thing applies to you. Loving yourself means that you will not put yourself in situations that will ultimately hurt you. For example, being unfaithful to your partner, it may seem fun and harmless at the moment but nothing and I mean nothing stays a secret forever. But while it's a secret, if you have a conscience, you'll feel that weigh on your shoulders until the truth is out, and when it's out you'll feel the horrible pain of seeing someone you love loose every inch of trust towards you and in many cases, walk away from you. If you are doing anything secretive that you wouldn't tell your partner about, know that you are ultimately causing pain to yourself FIRST and anyone else later, therefore, you do not love yourself. Loving yourself is not about Me, Me and more Me. It's actually the opposite, being selfish does not mean you love yourself, it means you're full of yourself. When you love yourself you know your worth, which means that you won't let people take you for granted but true love has no limits, as you have love for yourself, you should have love for others. Be objective and try not to take things personally when faced with insecure people or difficult situations. 

2. To pray/meditate

I learned to love myself when I found myself completely alone. My boyfriend and I had broken up, I had no friends or family members around, erased my Instagram account and no longer had to go to school. My social interactions went from 15-20 times a day to 3-4 times a week, and most of the time it was my dad calling me to talk about school stuff. I learned that loneliness is quite powerful and can dangerous thing. I fell in a deep depression for two weeks straight. No sleep, I barely ate and I sobbed through every other hour of the day. In desperation to be heard, I began to meditate. I would sit on the floor first thing in the morning and explain my pain to God. I'd literally beg Him for peace of mind; the pain was unbearable. The guilt that I carried was holding me back from moving on with my life. Talking got me out of my depression. I'd talk to myself in the shower(I still do), I'd do constant interventions to myself, wake-up calls, I'd tell myself the ugly truth, I'd sometimes shout it to myself and it helped. Understanding why I did the things I did pushed me to work on becoming a better person. At first what really motivated me to change was the love that I still felt for my ex, I wanted to prove to him that I was different but that changed when I realized that to love someone else you have to know and love yourself first. And as cliché as that sounds, it's completely and utterly true.

 3. To be patient

 Patience is a beautiful quality to possess. It's also the hardest quality to acquire. I can say with certainty I have not been patient in my life time. Not to burst any bubbles but I think it is safe to say that patience isn't on the top of Puerto Rican greatest traits. However, when you hate yourself for pushing someone you love away and when you're on the path of finding yourself, patience is crucial. Being obsessed with control drove me to loose exactly that. I needed to have control and authority over every single detail of my relationship, and I would get hysterical if I ever felt like I didn't. I'd have a necessity to be in charge of my life and his, yet I realize that I had neither. My obsessions were caused my own insecurities and so were the decisions that I made during that time. Control is a great thing to not have sometimes, to let life take its course and focus on the things(and people) that make you happy is my new goal in life. I've learned to be patient in a lot of ways, from small things, such as waiting long hours for that one text message(from him) in the day, to more significant things like finding peace in unsettling situations. For example, living in a dorm for two and a half years was torture for me, having to sign people in, not having my own bathroom or kitchen, living next to a hospital in the city, where all reasons that would get me angry and eager to move out. Yet right before I was about to leave I realized how lucky I was to have lived there. It was extremely cheap, secure and right next to the fuzz of lower east side. I realized that if I had been for patience and positive about where I lived, it could have changed my whole experience there, I could have met new people instead of judging them in spanish and locking myself in my room. The beautiful thing of being patient is that you always know it's the right thing to do in any situation that is out of your control. I live in Queens now and I couldn't be happier with my new apartment and my new neighborhood. Everything seems to be falling into place but let me you this "smooth waters don't make good sailers". Being happy and content with life is mostly about patience. We are always looking ahead, to better opportunities, a better job, we always want more and if we are patient and work hard we just might get it. In my case, waiting for someone to trust me again has been the hardest test of patience of my life. Waiting for uncertain things to come to you life test your faith, test your core and challenges your patience on a day to day basis. This is why being patient is a lot easier when you know and love yourself enough to do it on your own.

 4. To appreciate the little things

I can't believe I'm about to write this but...I'm a morning person now. Those who know me will understand what I big deal this is. I was one of those people that would be in a horrible mood when I opened my eyes in the morning and never for a good reason. To appreciate the little things is nothing more than to be grateful for life. I feel that we get caught in our busy life way too often and most of the real beauty in life just passes us by. I've motivated myself to really think about the things I'm most grateful for, I try to do this every day. Something that I think about a lot when I do this is my parents. My parents aren't perfect either ya'l, we bicker constantly and we are too much alike for our own good. But boy am I glad their mine. Both of them have gone to the moon and back for me and I will forever be grateful for them. Family is something that we commonly take for granted. Just by having a family that loves you, you are already blessed and there is a reason for you to be grateful every day. Call your parents, your aunts, your uncles, cousins, stay close to your family because they won't be around forever and there's nothing worse in life than living with regret, you can trust me in this. There are a million things in life to be grateful for and if you can list at least 20 things you are truly grateful for you are carrying a lot of remorse and anger and it is time you love yourself enough to work on that. When I was in a relationship I would always want more from him. More attention, more of his time, more of anything he could give me to be honest. This obviously became a problem because the relationship revolved around me and my lack satisfaction. Looking back, I understand why I felt like I needed more and it was all unresolved issues within myself. When you are unsatisfied with life and constantly complaining about whatever situation you are going through, odds are you are making your life 90% harder than it has to be. You need to let go of the things you can't control. Understand that you a stronger than your situation and that your pain, depression, anger, hardships do not define who you are. You have the power over your emotions and you can decide to see the beauty in life even when it seems hopeless.

5. To write love letters

Let me throw something out in to the wind, if you guys haven't figured it out already, I am not a writer. I'm a visual artist, and have been for more than 11 years, I have an education in fine arts and everything so it's not just a hobby. So why am I writing? You see, I was born an artist. Growing up I tried a couple of different art forms, jazz dancing, belly dancing, singing, playing guitar , acting and of course, drawing. I always stood out when it came to visual arts so I stuck to that and have been doing that ever sense. Writing was never my forte and I never really saw the art in writing until I found myself not being able to say one word without breaking down or making a complete fool of myself. Time after me and my love broke apart and I went through some major changes within myself had an uncontrollable urge to explain to him how I felt at that moment, how my eyes had finally opened. But talking never seemed to do the trick, we'd end up fighting, crying, hanging up or walking away. When talking to myself felt like I was going insane and talking to him was utterly impossible, I decided to write how I felt for him in the most detailed form possible. Calling out things I've done in the past and taking every inch of responsibility for the harm I've caused. The letters weren't a confessions booth, they were the flat-out truth about everything I felt for him, the good and the bad. And even though they were directed towards him, they were for me. Those letters got me through some tough times of loneliness and reject. They helped me understand where my pain was coming from and guided me to single out each and every immature or corruptive attitude within myself so I could then begin to change them. I wrote and sent him over twenty letters in the months of June and July, I would tittle them "thoughts". Little by little we began talking simultaneously as I wrote the letters, he would sometimes comment on them vaguely but we never actually went in to talk about the feelings I had poured into them. And honestly, I wanted it that way! I felt those letters were only for our hearts to feel and whether he believed me or not I could feel I was getting through to him, even the littlest bit with each letter. Listen, I'm not saying that love letters are magical and that by writing them you'll get your sweetheart back for sure, but that's the whole point, when I began writing I didn't have a master plan, I actually never thought he would speak to me again. The letters guided me to understand myself, by being real, honest and emotionally naked, a side of me that I nor him had ever seen. Not to get all romantic with you guys but it really helped that this kid is special. The letters would have meant nothing if they were directed to anyone else but him. We were inseparable as a couple and that connection, as damaged as it was at that time, was still there.

 6. To cook

Finding things to do for myself that didn't come with the emotional baggage that came with making visual art was tough. But I had to eat and cooking slowly turned into my favorite thing to do when I was alone. As I made clear before, I find the beauty of art in almost anything. My medium metamorphoses with my life experiences, I can have a deep, emotional connection to a drawing I'm making, as well as to a song I'm singing, as well as to a dish I'm cooking. My mind is constantly growing and adapting to new stages in my life and so is my art. Cooking helped me find beauty when I was in a very dark place. It brought back that passion had to make something good and be successful by myself. Honestly, it wasn't all chopping onions from the beginning, I tried to cope with my pain destructively before discovering the power of me time. I drank a lot of wine, went out almost every night to avoid being alone and made a lot of "friends". But all of that got boring and meaningless really quickly, I could feel my soul begging for more. I felt completely disconnected from who I am, trying to cope with heartbreak like we're thought by Hollywood growing up. Being depressed and lonely usually blinds you from seeing any beauty in life, but doing things for you helps quite a lot to distract the mind and with time you might fine there's actually more to life than beating yourself up. 

7. To shut the hell up and listen

I've found that a good way to move on from a depression or even common hardships of life is to get out of your own head and be objective. If you're anything like me, you tend to be proud and enjoy feeling like you've won an argument with whomever. This is especially harmful when it comes to having arguments or disagreements with loved ones. I was the kind of girlfriend that would be thinking of what my counter argument was going to be WHILE my boyfriend was stating his, so obviously, I wouldn't listen and normal relationship issues wouldn't get resolved. Unfortunately, normal relationship issues pile up when the communication is defective. After parting ways and slowing beginning to interact again I decided I wasn't going to repeat my mistakes so I'd constantly remind myself to go with the flow. It's not as easy as it sounds, having an attitude for years that you thought was correct and then realizing that you were going about the relationship all wrong takes some adapting because it comes natural to you to be, well...you. But when you're pushing yourself to be a better person, everything is new and a learning experience, you will make mistakes and your old self will try to sneak out in difficult situations. This still happens to me from time to time and I know it's completely normal, but I have to stop myself immediately and remind myself of all I've already accomplished and that acting like my old self will only backtrack everything I've worked for. When you decide to change something about yourself you have to be extremely aware that YOU DON'T KNOW EVERYTHING, which means that you need to ask and look for advise on how to deal with this overwhelming sea of emotions. Talk with people who love you and maybe a phycologist, but only them. I actually became closer with my mother after all of these series of events, I went to her for advise when I found myself frustrated and alone. She would tell me the truth to my face and it wasn't always easy to hear it but that tough love helped immensely. I learned to listen and I'm particularly proud of myself for this. There's so much to get out of life with just listening.