kitsuki-blog

[enigma-absolute]

…

[max-is-tired]

It’s Fine By Me (If You Never Leave)

Pairing: Dukexiety

Characters: Remus Sanders, Virgil Sanders

Words: 2.062

Warnings: Sympathetic Remus, swearing, crying, kissing

Notes: I... might be starting to grow lowkey in love with Dark Sides ships sdkjvnsjkfvn 

Anyway!! here is a new fic, not even a week after the last one I posted -miracles exist apparently. A big thank you to my boyfriend @afulldeckofaces for catching the mistakes that slipped past 3am me skvnsfjv you’re the best babe <3

I hope you guys like it!!

Commission me!!  Buy me a coffee!!  Join my Discord server!!

If you had told 15 years old Virgil that one day he would’ve fallen in love with none other than Remus Grimm, he would’ve probably ended up cracking a rib or two by laughing too much.

And yet, look at him now -19 years old ad head over hills for his best friend, who just happened to have had to move two towns over because of college.

God, feelings sucked.

Virgil groaned in frustration, letting his forehead hit the textbook lying open in front of him with a muffled thump.

He was tired. He was so. Fucking. Tired. Tired of college, tired of this stupid crush that kept stubbornly refusing to go away, tired of his stupid anxiety and tired of having to deal with all of this without his best friend by his side.

Yes, he was grumpy because he hadn’t seen Remus in more than a month, sue him.

As if sensing his worsening mood, his phone buzzed, breaking Virgil out of his thoughts. Letting out a series of annoyed grumbles and half-assed curses, Virgil snatched his phone from where it was lying on the desk, Remus’ wild grin staring back at him from the screen.

It was a photo they had taken that summer, just before Remus had had to leave for college. Roman had been the one taking it, the day Patton had decided to drag -for some more literally than others- their entire group out for some ice cream.

Remus had thrown his arm around Virgil’s shoulder, proudly showing off his chocolate mustache as the other fumbled with his cone to keep it from falling to the ground.

Virgil remembered glaring daggers at him for a total of two seconds before Remus’ waggling eyebrows did him in and sent him in a snickering fit.

Virgil remembered the weight of Remus’ arm around his shoulder, his warmth seeping through his shirt in a way that somehow, didn’t make him uncomfortable -he had never felt uncomfortable with Remus, not once, not even under the hot summer Florida weather in the middle of July.

He only saw that photo for the first time later that night, staring at Remus’ wide grin and sparkling green eyes as his heart hammered in his chest.

The realization had crashed over him like a tsunami, every thought in his head screeching to a halt as he slowly became more and more aware of the fact that he was very much in love with his best friend.

”Of course,” Virgil remembered thinking, staring at his phone with wide eyes, ”who else could it be?”

And boy if that thought alone hadn’t scared the living shit out of him.

For a moment, Virgil let his mind linger on the memory of that sunny afternoon, a soft smile stretching on his face.

Then, he swiped up and clicked on the notification.

”You up for a little chat?” read Remus’ message, followed by a string of random emojis Virgil didn’t even try to decipher -he knew it would probably be useless since they rarely made sense in the first place.

Virgil frowned, threw a considering glance at his textbook and the various papers still scattered on the desk and shrugged -it was not like he was getting anything done anyway.

“sure, why not”

Not even ten seconds later Virgil’s phone lit up with an incoming call, the first notes of My Immortal filling the room.

“Hey there Spider boy!” came Remus’ voice from the other side of the line.

Immediately, Virgil felt some of the tension leave his shoulders, relaxing back on his chair as he pushed himself away from the cluttered desk.

“Sup, Trashman,” he answered, not even bothering to fight down the tired grin tugging at his lips -Remus was not there to tease him about it anyway, so.

“Wow, don’t sound too excited to hear from me.”

Virgil snorted, his smile turning more and more genuine as the seconds passed.

“Fuck you.”

“Maybe later. But really, you sound like shit -everything alright? Are there some bones that I need to break?”

Virgil groaned, leaning back as he pinched the bridge of his nose. Now that he wasn’t panicking over his homework exhaustion was slamming down on him full-force, making it very hard for him to string together a coherent thought let alone think about filtering whatever shit was coming out of his mouth.

“It’s just… fucking everything, man. College is kicking my ass, my anxiety is kicking my ass and I’m just- I’m just tired, you know?”

From the other side of the line, Virgil heard Remus hiss in sympathy at his words.

“Yeah, shit, that sounds rough as hell.”

A beat of silence, and then-

“I can drive over and burn down your campus if you want. No college, no classes. Boom, airtight.”

Virgil couldn’t have stopped the amused snickers leaving his mouth even if he’d tried, shoulders shaking with his laughter as he fought to stifle it down.

“Thanks for the very tempting offer, but I think I’ll give it a pass for now.”

Then, he sighed, feeling his smile slip away as he stared at the ceiling, his sadness starting to creep up on him again. “... I miss you,” he whispered -he hadn’t exactly meant to say that out loud, but he had and now just couldn’t stop.

“I just- I miss our daily escapades and you sneaking into my room at the oddest hours of the day because you decided for some reason that simply using the front door was too mainstream.”

Virgil took in a ragged breath, distantly feeling his eyes start to sting with unshed tears.

“I miss being able to just call you when everything gets too much with the knowledge you’ll be knocking at my window in five minutes max. I miss having you physically by my side every day, I miss my best friend and I feel so fucking bad about it because you’re following your dreams and I’m proud of you, I really am but I also want you right here by my side and-”

Virgil audibly snapped his mouth shut, pressing a hand over his lips to stifle his sobs as tears streamed down his face out of his control.

“I’m sorry,” he whimpered, moving the phone away from his ear.

“Virgil-” Remu voice called, sounding worried and maybe a little desperate. but before he could say anything more, Virgil hung up, letting his room fall back into silence before throwing the phone somewhere on his bed.

Virgil bit down hard on his lip, but he could do nothing against the sobs that kept bubbling in his throat. One escaped, then another and soon Virgil could do nothing but curl up with his head hidden between his knees, yearning for the one person that could not help him the way he wanted him to.

+++

Virgil didn’t exactly remember when he fell asleep, his memory being somewhat hazy in-between the tears that seemed to never end and the way he kept feeling like something was trying to squeeze him to death from the inside-out.

What he did remember, however, was waking up to a very familiar sound -one he’d thought he wouldn’t get to hear again in quite some time.

Initially, during those few moments floating between dreams and awakening, when reality hasn’t quite set in yet and sleep still hangs heavily from your eyelids, Virgil had almost believed he was still dreaming, his own vain hopes playing cruel tricks to his brain.

But the seconds kept ticking and Virgil kept hearing the goddamn sound, so there were only two possible explanations -either someone was trying to break into his room, or-

Virgil bolted up, almost tumbling off the chair he had fallen asleep on -which, ouch- in his haste to get to the window.

And sure enough, there Remus was, with his signature manic grin as he waved at Virgil from the tree branch he was perched on.

Virgil stared, hands moving almost on their own as they went through the familiar motions of unlocking the window to let his best friend in.

“Thanks, it was starting to get chilly out!” Remus chirped, climbing in with practiced ease and plopping himself down on the bed.

“What the fuck,” Virgil answered, still trying to process what was going on.

“I- you- what???” Virgil felt like his brain was about to implode, his gaze flickering from Remus to the window and then back to Remus again.

“Dude, what the hell are you doing here? It’s fucking two am or something like that and you live like, three hours away!”

Remus shrugged, shuffling around so he could sit cross-legged in the middle of the bed.

“My best friend is hurting, why would I not come?”

“It’s the middle of the week, you have classes tomorrow,” Virgil weakly pointed out, starting to feel a little choked up with all the emotions coursing through him at once.

“It’s Thursday, or Friday morning is you wanna be accurate,” Remus easily countered. “I know for a fact that neither you nor I have anything important going on tomorrow and the weekend is class free, so I’m going to crash here until Monday morning since we both have afternoon classes. And no, this is not up to debate. It’s happening, Spider Boy.”

Virgil blinked, staring at him with wide eyes as his heart hammered in his chest.

There was a tingling sensation running through all of his body, electrifying in the best of ways. It felt like fire and ice and water altogether, filling him up and up until-

“I love you,” Virgil blurted out, unable to stop the words from tumbling out any longer.

Remus stared for a second before a dazzling grin took over his face.

“I love you too!” he chirped, grinning so wide Virgil distantly worried if it didn’t hurt to pull at the muscles that much.

“No, uh-” Virgil stuttered, all too aware of how flustered he probably looked at that moment.

He bit his lip, pondering his next course of action. He could still salvage this, just let it go and make Remus believe he meant it in a platonic way and nothing more, burying his feelings in the deepest and darkest corner of his heart. But on the other hand… did he really want to do that?

“I meant in a romantic way, Remus,” he finally admitted, looking everywhere but at his best friend, “I love you as in I want to be your boyfriend and kiss you and stuff.”

Silence fell, filling the room as Virgil kept carefully avoiding Remus’ eyes.

God, he’d ruined everything, didn’t he?

Then he saw a familiar hand reach out and grab a fistful of his hoodie, firmly tugging him forward before he could express his confusion.

Virgil let out a startled yelp, stumbling towards the bed until he found himself face-to-face with his best friend. Still grinning, Remus winked before leaning in, erasing the last few inches separating them as he kissed him square on the lips.

Virgil froze, eyes as wide as saucers as he tried to comprehend whatever the fuck was going on. But before he could do that, Remus pulled back, slowly letting his eyes slide open again as a small, soft smile tugged at the corner of his lips -it was such a strange expression to see on Remus’ face, but Virgil found that he didn’t mind it at all, as long as it was directed at him.

“I know what you meant,” Remus chuckled, pecking Virgil on the lips again for good measure, “and I love you too. Now, are you gonna actually get on the bed and cuddle or do I need to drag you under the covers myself?”

Virgil let out a startled snort, feeling like he was reeling from the last five minutes alone. Still, he dutifully climbed on the bed and flopped down, feeling his exhaustion start to creep back on him again.

Remus grinned, laying down beside Virgil and immediately cuddling as close as humanly possible.

“Comfy?” Virgil teased, moving his hand to gently card it through the other’s hair.

“Hush boyfriend, pillows don’t talk,” Remus grumbled, already halfway gone as he somehow snuggled even closer.

Virgil hummed, leaning down to leave a kiss in Remus’ hair.

Boyfriend, uh? Well, it did have a nice ring to it.

[screensirenfic]

Black Leather - Chapter 31

If those fucking things were heading where I thought they were heading; I’m not sure we’d have enough fire power.

Still, suicide mission or not, Steve and I had taken it upon ourselves to right the wrong some dumb kid had started by adopting a space slug.

So; now me, Steve and our impromptu scouts troop were walking through the woods, working on getting our tracking badges by following monster blood trails.

“You positive that was Dart?” Lucas asked Dustin, because apparently the imagination of children had died and been replaced by cynicism.

“Yes. He had the exact same yellow pattern on his butt.” Dustin stated; clearly getting tired of everyone not believing him.

“He was tiny two days ago.” Max pointed out, and I was beginning to wonder why none of these kids had figured that keeping this thing as a pet was a bad idea in the first place.

“Well; he’s molted three times already.” Dustin replied; the picture not sitting comfortably in my head.

“Malted?” Steve repeated; once again sounding the idiot in a gang of thirteen year olds.

“Molted...” Dustin corrected him as if he was the child here.

“It means he shed his skin, dumbass... like a snake.” I informed him; knowing it was best to keep things in simple terms for Steve.

“Well; when’s he gonna molt again?” Asked Max, pointing out the very likely fact that this thing might get even bigger.

“Well; it’s gotta be soon. And when he does, he’ll be fully grown, or close to it. And so will all his friends.” Dustin told us ominously, making that less than metaphorical ticking time bomb a little more real.

“Yeah; and he’s gonna eat a lot more than cats...” Steve commented darkly.

“Wait! A cat?! Dart ate a cat?!” Lucas exclaimed, stopping Dustin dead in his tracks.

“No! What? No!” Dustin blustered, and I could already see where this train wreck was going.

“What are you talking about? He ate Mews.” Steve pointed out; once again reaffirming that he was the biggest idiot in the party.

“Mews? Who’s Mews?” Max asked, clearly knowing even less than me about all this.

“Dustin’s cat.” Steve answered, still not getting the point that Dustin was lying to them.

“Steve!” Dustin exclaimed angrily.

“I knew it! You kept him!” Lucas honed in on Dustin as the truth slowly came tumbling out.

“No! No; I... I...” Dustin floundered, suddenly running out of lies to tell.

“He missed me! He wanted to come home!” Dustin finally relented; coming out with perhaps the stupidest thing I’d heard all night, and that included Steve’s outbursts.

“Bullshit!” Lucas shot him down like a clay pigeon, and I was beginning to get real tired of their bickering.

I did not sign up for this.

I didn’t sign up for any of this, really. Steve had dragged me along like his obligatory plus one without an ounce of thought on whether I wanted to be involved with all this bullshit.

And now these kids were dragging up slights long past, because apparently petty wasn’t solely a Hopper trait, and Steve was just standing there like a life sized Cindy doll; and now I had no choice but to play referee and break this shit up.

“Alright! Alright! Alright! That’s enough!” I yelled, stepping in between the two boys, just in case they decided to turn this argument into a cage match.

It didn’t seem to matter; boys so intent on being boys that they elected to continue to ignore me and bicker like fish wives.

“He wasn’t trying to eat us!” Insisted Dustin; and no wonder Steve liked the kid so much, he was a certified idiot.

“Oh; so he was just gonna say hello?” Lucas called indignation, scoffing at Dustin with disbelief; and I was beginning to like this ki—

“Guys!” Yelled Steve, cutting through the arguing like a hot knife through butter, and we all turned our heads to see what the hell he wanted.

I was about to snap at Steve that he wasn’t fucking helping, when a loud screech echoed in the distance.

I turned towards it, listening to the utterly inhuman pitch and already knowing exactly what it was.

Steve gave me that look again, and I knew we were both about to do something incredibly stupid, both of us heading in the direction of the noise; the two boys following in our stead.

“No, no, no. Hey guys; why are you heading towards the sound?” Protested Max, but her complaints fell on deaf ears; Steve, the boys and I heading towards where the tree line became thinner.

We found ourselves at the edge of a overlook, staring straight out at the entire landscape of Hawkins, lit solely by twinkling street lights.

“I don’t see him.” Said Dustin, pointing out the obvious as we looked out on a dark Hawkins.

Lucas lifted up his binoculars, scanning over the town to find the source of the sound.

“It’s the lab...” He said; his binoculars settling on the building in question, rising high above distant tree lines.

“They were going back home.”

—————————————————

Twenty minutes and a very steep hike later, we were finally descending to the lab, traipsing between the trees down to what could possibly be a massacre.

I questioned the wisdom of bringing three thirteen year olds with us to this showdown, but it wasn’t like we could abandon them in the woods; bears and other common critters a very real threat in Indiana woodlands.

“So what’s the plan?” Steve asked as we scaled down a steep hill; illuminated only by torchlight.

“What plan? I thought you were the one with a plan; genius?!” I scoffed; feeling quite sick of everything falling to me when it came to reason and responsibility.

“Come on; Lola. We all know you think my plans are bullshit; so what are we gonna do?” Steve asked; for once admitting his incompetence in the potential face of death.

“Just... keep behind me...” I instructed; really struggling with finding a sounder strategy than point and shoot, and maybe I was turning into my dad.

“That’s it?” Steve asked; his smile of disbelief doing little to hide his genuine nervousness.

“That, and pray we don’t all get eaten.” I muttered under my breath, noticing the trees thinning again and abandoning Steve to scout ahead.

I think I could hear voices; arguing maybe, and I pondered the wisdom in shouting ahead.

Then again; who knew who could be trying to get in the lab at this hour of night,

Probably government, and if there was one thing we didn’t trust in my family, it was men in suits with mysterious I.D.s.

I held back, deciding I’d rather try and asses what we’re facing before running headfirst into a potential firefight.

Steve clearly didn’t share my reservations, already beginning to walk straight out into enemy territory.

“Steve...” I whispered hoarsely, but either he didn’t hear me, or was still pissed off for the genius comment; but either way, what he was doing was near suicidal.

“Hello? Who’s there?” A voice sliced through the darkness, and I swore I recognised it, but was too busy trying to flank a speed walking Steve before he got us all killed.

“Who’s there?” The voice shouted again as Steve led us out of the woods with all the subtlety of a helicopter; bright torch beam shining out into the darkness.

“Steve?” A woman’s voice accompanied the first as we emerged.

“Lola?” The first voice exclaimed, and in the harsh glow of Steve’s torchlight, I recognised who these wannabe intruders were.

“Nancy?” Steve stared dumbfounded at his girlfriend standing just outside Hawkins lab, dressed for some serious breaking and entering.

“Jonathan?” I said; recognising the lanky awkward form stood slightly in front of her, ready to heroically protect her if needs must.

“What are you doing here?” Nancy asked, making a beeline across the grass towards Steve.

“What am I doing here?! What are you doing here?!” He retorted; his face a mixture of confusion and anger.

“We’re looking for Mike and Will.” Nancy answered reasonably, but I could tell by Steve’s facial expression, he was already wracking up for a fight.

“They’re not in there; are they?” Dustin interrupted, derailing the argument before it could even happen and drawing all our attention back to the lab.

“We’re not sure; why?” Jonathan asked, suspicion colouring his face; only to be whipped away by a loud screech emanating from the lab.

We all turned towards the sound, finally realising that we had no choice here. Kids were in danger and we were the only ones near enough to help.

We already knew what we had to do.

[let-it-raines]

hi !! I was thinking that there aren't many fics where Emma and Killian are in an established relationship, living together, etc. and have a fight, but a real fight, you know, screaming, crying ... so I was thinking if you could write something like that? I want angsty!!!! hahaha

Hi, Anon!!!! First, I just want to say that I was PUMPED seeing that someone sent me a prompt. Like, it made me smile. Everyone send me all of the prompts! And then I read the prompt and was, like, oh shit, I don’t know if I can do that. lol. I’m not a big fighter with yelling and screaming in real life, so I struggle a bit writing it. I can write about things I’ve never experienced before no problem, but with this, I drive the struggle bus.

Anyways, I still wrote you a little something that I hope fulfills all of your angst needs because you’re awesome! :D I may have tried to resolve some of it by the end, though, because I can’t write something without a hint of a happy ending!

“No.”

She crosses her arms over her chest and plants her feet firmly on the ground, not backing down on her position in the slightest. She’s stubborn as hell, but so is Killian. They’re likely in for a long night, in more ways than one.

“What do you mean no?”

He looks genuinely confused, and he’s smarter than that, can usually read her better than she can read herself, so why the hell is he confused?

“I mean, I don’t want to go to your brother’s for Thanksgiving.”

Liam’s an asshole who she doesn’t want to be around, but Killian thinks he’s basically God himself. And as much as she usually puts up with that because she loves Killian, she doesn’t want to do that this year. She doesn’t want to deal with Liam and his snide remarks about her and her relationship with Killian like the two of them haven’t been together for half a decade. It’s too fucking much, and she’d much rather spend time with the people she loves, even if that’s selfish.

“Yeah, I got that, Swan.”

“Then why the hell did you say ‘what do I mean by saying no?’ Did the wordsmith in you forget the English language?”

“No, I meant why would you say no to doing Thanksgiving with my brother and his family this year when we’ve gone to Mary Margaret and David’s house for the past three years?”

“I said no because we always go to their house. It’s tradition. And I don’t want to spend an extra day with your brother right now.”

“Yeah, well,” he seethes, his eyes squinting in anger as his jaw ticks, and they’ve gone past argument to fight in the blink of an eye. Her breath hitches, and her stomach aches at the look on his face. “I want a new tradition where I get to spend it with my family.”

“Am I not your family?”

“Not officially because you won’t fucking marry me.”

For the first time in this entire stupid conversation she blanches, her heartbeat increasing so rapidly that she thinks her blood may be hot enough to be set on fire and to burn both herself and Killian. Tears sharply sting in her eyes, and she tries to blink them away before Killian can get the satisfaction of knowing just how badly those words hurt her.

Not that he doesn’t already know. He said them with the intention of hurting her, now didn’t he?

“How dare you,” she spits, backing away from him until her back hits the wall, a hanged portrait of the two of them shaking at the force of her impact. “You know my reasons behind that because I trusted you with that information. And how dare you say I’m not your family. Fuck you, Killian.”

She sees the moment his words to her really hit him, his stupid blue eyes widening and his lips parting, and even if he already feels remorse, she doesn’t care. She can’t deal with him tonight. Not after that.

“Swan, I d – ”

“Don’t. Just…sleep on the couch and I-I’ll, um, you can go to Thanksgiving with whoever the hell you want, but I won’t be there.”

“Emma please.”

He takes a step closer to her, and she puts her hand in the air to keep him away.

“Not tonight. Or tomorrow. You know what, I’ll tell you when I’m okay with speaking to you again. Or if I am.”

She sees his lips part again like he’s going to try to say something else, but she doesn’t want to hear anything else from him tonight. He fucking hurt her, and even if their argument was the lead up to his words, he was still the one who said them. He was the one who said she wasn’t his family, and after almost five years together, that’s like being stabbed with a knife and left to bleed out. So she hurries into the bedroom, their bedroom, and slams the door behind her, the sound of the wood clicking in its frame reverberating throughout the entire apartment, before resting her back against the solidness of the wood and sliding down to the ground as the sob that’s been stuck in her throat finally escapes. She can finally breathe again, but it’s not really worth it as her breathing is heavy and stilted, air hard to capture as her chest heaves and her body shakes with these awful sounds she hasn’t made in a long time emanating from her body.

God, why does crying make you feel so bad? If you’re crying it means you’re most likely already feeling awful, and then what? It had to somehow be made worse? With salty tears puffing up your eyes and making you feel tired and snot coming out of both your throat and your nose? Like, what the hell? She feels bad enough as is. Why does it have to be made worse?

The more she thinks about tonight, the more she sobs. The more her heart absolutely aches. Physically aches like it’s constricting. She can’t…she can’t do this. She can’t breathe again, and when she puts her head between her knees and circles herself in the smallest ball that she can make, her arms wrapped around her knees, she only feels a little relief as she rocks back and forth in front of the door, the floor hard against her ass.

She and Killian don’t fight. They just don’t. Not like that with raised voices and anger that practically radiates off their bodies in harsh red waves. Yeah, they get into arguments or disagree. But it’s not like this. They don’t throw out insults that they know will hurt the other’s insecurity and emotional scars.

And it’s not about Thanksgiving. It’s really not. It’s about the fact that she’s a bit selfish making them do everything with her friends because she doesn’t get along with his family. She doesn’t have a family, not one she’s related to, and it took her a long time to find one she was okay loving. With all of her past, the heartbreak and betrayals and lost family, it’s been difficult to trust anyone. But she trusts David and Mary Margaret. She has for a decade now, and adding Killian to that trust was the hardest thing she’s ever had to do. But she did it, allowing him into her life piece by piece until he practically held all of the pieces of her heart.

Right now that feels like a mistake, but she knows deep down that it’s not.

Killian’s a bit selfish, too, though. He knows about her relationship with Liam. If anything has ever almost broken them apart besides her walls, it’s Liam and his protectiveness of Killian. Yeah, she knows that David is the same way with her when it comes to Killian, but she made David see reason and stop being such an asshole about things. She appreciates the concern, but just like Killian is a grown-ass man who can take care of himself, she’s a grown-ass woman.

God, they probably could have compromised by doing two Thanksgivings, and then none of this would have ever happened. Hindsight is twenty-twenty. And she’d spend every day with Liam if it meant she could be with Killian instead of whatever the hell this is. 

They both fucked up, but right now, Killian is the one who took it too far.

Killian is everything to her, and she’s miserable being mad at him right now, the sobs only stopping a bit so that she can breathe. Because she doesn’t think that she was breathing for a minute there.

She wants to go out there and talk to him, maybe yell some more, but she doesn’t know if she has the energy to, everything drained from her the longer she stays on the floor. He’s probably asleep anyways. She hates him a bit for that because there’s no way she’s going to be able to sleep tonight.

God, how did this even happen?

She was just supposed to come home for them to eat dinner and go to sleep…together…and somehow it’s come to this.

“Emma.”

His voice on the other side of the door shocks her, and her head falls back against the door, hitting it harshly and making her entire head sting. She really did think he was asleep. She wasn’t prepared to have to hear his voice again tonight. It’s too much.

“Go away.”

“Love,” he pleads, his voice cracking the slightest bit, “I will, but you didn’t take your vitamins today. They’re still on the counter.”

Shit, she never did take them, did she? She has to take those. Scrambling up from the floor, her legs shaking a bit having to stand after being curled in on herself, she moves to the door, her hand barely grabbing onto the doorknob because she knows that Killian’s on the other side of the door.

Before she’s ready for it, the door swings open to Killian leaning against the wall with his hands covering his face and his hair sticking up all over the place like he’s been running his hand through his locks. He only does that when he’s nervous or anxious or upset, and at least he seems to feel some remorse at their argument.

“I’m sorry for disturbing you.” He reaches back to scratch behind his ear, and his eyes look a little puffy as well. Maybe he’s more upset than she thought. “I debated on it for two hours, but even if you’re pissed at me, and rightfully so, the baby needs you to take the vitamins. And you didn’t take them this morning, so I…uh…”

“No, you’re right, Killian.” She forces a smile, and it feels pained. “Thanks for reminding me.”

She walks down the hall until she gets to the kitchen, her vitamins sitting on the kitchen counter just like Killian said, and she tosses them in her mouth before she somehow forgets again. God, this entire day is fucked up. She just wants to be over.

Suddenly she realizes Killian said he debated on coming to get her for two hours, and what time is it? She swears she was only in the room for a few minutes, but when she looks at the clock on the microwave, it’s three in the morning, several hours after they’d argued.

“Are you, uh, are you okay?”

“No,” she admits, her eyes filling with tears again as she looks up at the ceiling to try to stop them because she just can’t take anymore. She should be out of tears. “I can’t believe you said that.”

“I can’t either,” Killian admits, and her resolve to not cry again keeps breaking.

“I thought you loved me.”

“I do.”

“But then why would you say I wasn’t your family? Why would you bring up the marriage thing again? I thought you were okay with that decision. I thought we’d made it together.”

“We did. And I am okay with it. One hundred percent okay with it. I was being stupid, and I’m sorry.”

Oh shit. She wants to blame the hormones, and maybe they’re to blame a bit, but she’s about to fall apart again, the stupid waterworks fully starting, and she doesn’t want to be upset anymore. But she is.

“But then w-why…why would y-you,” her lips quiver as she rests her hands on her still flat belly, “s-s-say i-t-t?”

Killian’s just a blurry mess right now. He doesn’t even look like a human being.

“Sweetheart, I don’t know. I fucked up. I fucked up for taking that argument too far, and I don’t know why I said what I did. Yeah, I’d love to marry you, but us being married doesn’t change who we are. We still love each other, don’t we?”

She furiously nods her head because no matter how pissed she is, she loves him. She doesn’t think she’ll ever stop loving him. “Of course we do.”

“And you’re my family always. You’re the mother of my child, and even if you weren’t, even if you were simply my girlfriend for the rest of my life, nothing would make me happier because it means I’m with you. And that’s all that matters to me, okay?”

“I’m still pissed at you.”

“As you should be.”

“And I’m still not decided on what we’re doing for Thanksgiving.”

“Okay. That’s fine. I know that we can talk about it more when neither of us are pissed off and we’re more rational than not.”

“And I’d really like you to hold me right now because I hate you and I love you and I don’t want to be by myself right now.”

His face softens, the slight scowl she could make out through the tears turning into a soft smile with understanding eyes, and as much as this probably isn’t over, she really just needs him to hold her right now. She was alone for so long, and she doesn’t want to be alone again, especially now that she’s pregnant. She doesn’t want to be by herself when she has someone who loves her and who she loves and who she wanted to have this baby with.

“Of course, love,” he admits, moving forward and wrapping his arms around her waist as she does the same to him, holding onto him like her life depends on it. Maybe it does a bit. She almost sighs in relief at feeling close to him again, and as he buries his face in her neck, practically inhaling her, she starts sobbing again, but this time in relief.

“I love you, you asshole,” she cries into his t-shirt as he rubs soothing circles up and down her back, and she swears he kisses her neck through her hair. And that only makes her cry more.

“I love you, Emma. And I love our cygnet. You two are my family now and forever. No matter what.”

“No matter what.”

[spacecaced]

Can you please do prompt #59 with Billy? Thank you

honestly thank you for the ask! I’m trying to work more with dialogue and I used this as a bit of an exercise. I just went with the first thing that popped into my head and ran with it so! hope you enjoy – 

#59: “I could punch you right now.”

Steve wasn’t really looking for a job, it wasn’t like he needed the money, but with the house to himself most of the time and nothing to do it would have been ridiculous to just sit around doing nothing. Plus, no matter how absentee his parents were for extended amounts of time, Steve still had trouble justifying spending their money.

Of course, the choices for jobs in Hawkins were slim – unless you counted the frequent openings at the arcade which, no, just no – in the end it was a help wanted sign pinned to the local diner that caught his eye.

He started work on a Wednesday and became fast friends with Robin, another waitress, by that Friday.

After working at the diner for half the summer things were starting to get predictable for Steve.

On Monday mornings there was little to no business in the except for a few regulars who wanted a cup of joe while reading their paper. Tuesdays were meant for Nancy and Jonathan, who came by to split a basket of fries and a milkshake, always perfectly timed with Steve’s break so he could join them. Wednesday was uneventful but every Thursday there would be a booth in Steve’s section teaming with rowdy kids – because apparently the party have nothing better to do than bother Steve while he’s busy at work – and then there’s Saturday.

“Your usual is here, Stevie.” Robin’s voice calls from the cash register.

He can practically see the shit-eating grin on her face.

Steve glances up from where he’d been sorting everything behind the display case – like maybe Robin’s just teasing him again like she tends to but sure enough his regular is right on time – and sees Billy Hargrove sitting in his section pretending to look through the menu like he doesn’t have it memorized front to back.

As soon as Steve gets to the table he immediately picks up on the scent clinging to Billy, the faint metallic and vaguely oil heavy smell from working at the auto shop in town, it always annoyed him that Billy seemed to come straight from work for the express purpose of disrupting his day.

Robin liked to call it romantic, Steve calls it a pain in the ass.

“Any chance you’re just going to give me your order?” Steve asks, hopefully.

Billy gives him a look, one that conveys a lot all at once but mainly the saying yeah right in all its sarcastic glory, and Steve’s last remaining hopes die, “Could I hear the specials?”

His voice is sugary sweet, and Steve has the blinding urge to stab him with the pen he uses to jot down orders.

But he actually likes having a job and a clean criminal record and both would be utterly tarnished if he snapped right here and now, so he reads out the specials through clenched teeth with a fake ass smile that makes his cheeks hurt – it’s not like Billy doesn’t come in every fucking day at the same time, it’s not like he hasn’t been doing this for months, it’s not like he doesn’t know the whole menu from front to back – and Billy just looks up at him with that lazy grin of his.

“The specials are on the back of the menu, Billy.”

“My eyes are tired.”

Steve takes a deep breath, wants to pinch the bridge of his nose and toss his hands up in surrender, “God, I could punch you right now.”

“Kinky, could you read me the specials first?”

The diner is pretty empty right now, Steve swears that’s the only reason he gives in to Billy’s request – it has nothing to do with the fact that he looks like a puppy with those wide eyes to counter Steve’s unamused stare – the specials are the same as they are every Saturday morning but Billy listens on like he’s hearing it all for the first time.

“Satisfied?” Steve asks once he’s rattled off the memorized list.

“Sure am,” He says with a wink, handing Steve his menu, “you’ve got the prettiest voice, Harrington, anyone ever tell you that?”

“Just you, every Saturday.”

It’s like Billy has a new routine of flirtations to try out on him but of all the things that change, that genuine little comment stays the same. Steve can’t deny that it does soften him up just a little, but still, just because Billy is annoyingly cute sometimes it doesn’t mean he’s gotta like being interrupted at work.

“So,” he says after a moment of Billy not bothering to add anything else – just staring at him with those blue eyes, “the usual?”

“Please.”

“Comin’ right up.”

Billy’s usual is easy to remember and by the time he makes it over to Robin she’s already getting out the apple pie from behind the display case. “You know, I’d kill for someone to visit me during work; I’d even settle for someone even half as hot as him.”

Robin never minces words, it’s one of the things Steve appreciates most about her, but right now he just wants to stick his head in the microwave, “You want him? You can have him.”

“You know you don’t mean that, plus you two are cute with all the flirting. It’s like, my only form of entertainment between getting Mrs. Jeffries her coffee and switching the tv over to the sports channel for Benny.”

“Billy just loves to come and bother me at work. I think it’s his only joy in life.”

“Don’t forget the apple pie and free coffee refills.” Robin chips in as Steve grabs a mug.

Steve fills the mug and adds two sugar cubes and a splash of creamer before grabbing the plate of apple pie from Robin. “That’s fair, pretty sure he’s going to be diabetic at the rate he’s going though.”

It’s not like Billy’s the only one who has a sweet tooth in town, so Steve’s used to serving slices of pie and hot coffee to numerous customers that come in.

The apple pie is fresh and warm, with a flaky crust packed full of cinnamon syrup drenched apples, and the it doesn’t take much for Steve to balance the plate and the mug of coffee, depositing them at Billy’s table with haste as more customers start to filter in.

“What’s the rush, can’t you spend a little more time with your favorite customer?”

“You’re not my favorite, you hardly even tip that well.” Steve accuses, sliding him the mug of coffee and watching as Billy almost immediately burns his tongue by taking a sip.

He looks offended – both at the coffee cup and at Steve simultaneously – “Now that just hurts.”

“It’s okay, you seem the type to recover quickly. Now, can I get back to my job?” Steve asks, eyeing the two tables he hasn’t greeted yet, but Billy grasps his wrist before he can move away.

“Before you go, I was wondering, you got any plans tonight?”

It’s not the first time Billy’s asked that question.

“Actually, yeah. My boyfriend’s taking me out after my shift ends.” Steve’s response never varies, and Billy doesn’t look surprised either, just thoughtful with that same playfulness shining through.

“Huh, lucky guy.”

Steve feels himself smile, more on instinct than anything else, he just can’t help it, “I think I’m the lucky one though.”

Billy is taken aback, eyebrows raised but the smile stays, “Yeah? He must be pretty special.”

“You have no idea.”

With that, Billy lets him go and Steve pulls on the fakest most nauseatingly cheerful smile he can muster for the remaining tables he has to wait on. Distantly – while the family take the chance to ask damn near a million pointless questions – he can hear Robin making small talk with Billy as she refills his coffee and Steve feels slightly less overwhelmed as he seats newcomers and takes orders, refills waters, and reads out the specials five more times.

When he finally makes it back to Billy’s table, already wanting to go home, Robin had already given him his check. On the table is a tip and a napkin with a cheesy line scrawled on it in Billy’s neat handwriting. Steve rolls his eyes, even with no one around to see, and gets back to work, losing himself in the lunch rush as he waits for his time to be over.

The clock ticks so loudly it’s almost deafening, the second hand seeming to drag as Steve’s eyes remained glued to the movement while he aimlessly sweeps the tile flooring of the diner. He always does a shitty job of cleaning up, but with just him and Robin on closing duty Steve can feel free to slack off a bit.

In his defense, it’s hard to focus on anything but the idea of getting out of this fluorescent light bulb hell. Steve’s got someone waiting for him and that’s the only thing he can keep his mind on for long.

He keeps sweeping though, until it’s time for him to clock out and Robin grabs the broom from Steve’s hands, already shooing him towards the door, “Dude I got this, wouldn’t want to keep lover boy waiting.”

And Steve, he really adores her, “You’re the best.”

Robin waves him off – because really, she doesn’t need anyone to tell her that – “Oh I know, now go on live for the both of us!”

He doesn’t have to be told twice before he’s clocking out – Steve really likes his job, but there’s something he likes a bit more, maybe even loves – and heading out those double doors to absolute freedom.

The night sky twinkles with the faintness of stars and the flickering lamplights in the parking lot are no less creepy than when Steve first started working at the diner, but none of that matters when he spots the midnight blue Camaro.

“Are you ever going to stop annoying me at work?” Steve asks as soon as he slides into the passenger seat of the car.

Billy doesn’t even have the decency to apologize, “Nope.” he pops the ‘p’ sound and leans over to steal a kiss that Steve’s been craving since he saw Billy licking the cinnamon syrup off his fork.

He tastes like home and smells like Steve’s cologne – the same cologne that Billy has complained about multiple times since it doesn’t smell all fancy like his own – and his lips are warm, his hair just a little damp from a shower and Steve just, god he melts into Billy each time.

“Admit it,” Billy says, lips still brushing against Steve’s, “you love it when I tease you.”

“I admit absolutely nothing.”

But just saying that admits everything.

The truth is, Steve loves that Billy never seems to tire of being around him, even if it was at work and they had to keep up appearances – Robin being the only one who knew about them – it always makes his heart beat that much louder and his pulse quicken whenever Billy shoots him one of those disarmingly warm smiles.

“You were admitting a lot earlier though,” Billy teases, as Steve sinks back against his seat but keeps his fingers laced with Billy’s rested and linked together over the center console, “you think I’m special,” he sings, drawing out the word even as Steve groans.

“You totally led me to saying that you jerk.”

The grin on his face gives away how happy he is though, even as he turns away to stare out the window, trying and failing to hide his smile. It doesn’t last long though since Billy’s purposefully driving slow enough to catch nearly every red light at this time of night, with hardly anyone out on the road, bringing Steve’s hand up to kiss the back of it with each stop of the glowing red lights.

Whenever Steve gets off work Billy’s always there to pick him up in the blue Camaro that’s just another piece of the world they share together. In this car going at whatever speed Billy sees fit, they’re completely untouchable, just them and the road. Most of the time they go back to Steve’s house, the one that’s so empty even his quiet thoughts sound like yelling in his head, but on nights like this Billy just drives and drives, Steve completely content to go along for the ride.

Sometimes they make it all the way to Chicago and other days they barely get to the next town, just find somewhere to park and lay on the hood of the car with their hands held and their thoughts out in the open. They have similar dreams and Steve thinks, the more time passes, the more he cares less and less for the idea of where he’ll be and the more he tries to make sure that Billy, no matter what, is there beside him.

“You know,” Billy says, once they’ve passed their third stop light, “I think you got it wrong earlier though, pretty boy, you might think you’re lucky but me? I struck gold with you.”

Steve’s face heats immediately, a gut reaction even after all the times Billy has left his heart out there, it still catches him by surprise, “Babe…”

For all the teasing and all the games they play, Billy’s still the one who can pull out something heartfelt and keep Steve floundering. It’s so ridiculous how every word just falls out of his mind. Usually Billy just admires how caught off guard he looks – makes a comment about how pretty he thinks Steve looks when he’s speechless – but tonight isn’t like that at all.

Steve knows just what to say, squeezing Billy’s hand as they keep driving, “I don’t just think you’re special Billy, you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

He’s sure Billy could possibly wreck the car with such a declaration, but instead his eyes shine under the night sky and they both pretend that they’re not emotional wrecks ready to cry over it. They just hold each other’s hands a little tighter and know that whatever they say, however they say it, whatever it sounds like, it all means the same thing.

I love you.

[wonderfulworldofwinchester]

The Angel Is Off His Rocker

Characters: Sam x Reader, Dean, Cas, Jody 

Warnings: language. (I’m horrible at these. If you see something that should be added, please let me know :D)

MASTERLIST 

A/N: This is unedited, so please excuse any grammar/spelling errors. Also, it autocorrects sometimes when I type too fast, so please excuse any weird words. I think I caught all of those, but just beware haha. 

Based on this imagine: imagine going to Jody to vent after Cas says he thinks you are in love with Sam. 

“I don’t hive a crap anymore. Just do whatever the hell you want.” You snapped, slamming the book you had in front of you closed. 

The boys exchanged a confused look for the umpteenth time this week. The truth was you had been having these little outbursts over nothing the past few days, and it wasn’t like you could exactly tell them why. Hell, you didn’t even know why. You were constantly on edge. Everything ticked you off. 

“Y/N, what’s going on with you? Did I do something to upset you?” Sam inquired, genuine concern filling his eyes. He hated seeing you so upset, and not being able to do anything about it. 

You stood up from the table, gritting your teeth, “I’m fine. Just tired I guess.” 

“Y/N, If you need to talk-”

“Goodnight Sam” You said a little more forcefully than you had intended, but you also wanted to make a point. Once you made it to your room, and changed into a baggy sweatshirt, you crawled straight into bed. Thoughts swam in circles, and you chased them, desperate for some sort of answer. The boys inevitably annoyed you from time to time, but that was different. It was expected, and it had a clear cut answer for what they did that pissed you off. This past week, all Sam had to do was breath funny, and you were ready to rip his head off. 

Wait. That was part of it right there. Dean had ticked you off, yes, but more often than not it was Sam. That’s odd. Out of the two it was usually the elder one that rubbed you the wrong way. Most of the time, you got along great with Sam. Why the sudden change? What happened? You couldn’t put your finger on it. It’s not like he had done anything to make you mad in the last week. 

The boys stayed in the library, continuing their research, and discussing the previous events that had taken place that night. Dean cleared his throat, “Man you really pissed her off this time. it’s been a long time since I’ve seen her get that upset over something so small.”

“That’s just it, Dean. I didn’t do anything. Hell, she hasn’t given me much of an opportunity to do anything recently. She gets miffed, and walks away if i even look at her, and god forbid we get left alone somewhere.” 

Just then Castiel popped in, bringing back some info for the current case. After he relayed his message, Sam decided to ask him if he had noticed anything different about you, or if he knew something they didn’t. 

“I have noticed that she seems to be angrier. I do not know the reason why.” He stated. “I will see what I can find out.” 

“No, Cas, don’t-” too late, he was already gone. 

You were still sitting in bed, mind racing, unable to get to sleep, when Cas suddenly appeared at the foot of the bed. “JESUS, Cas. We’ve talked about this. You can’t just appear in my room. Please land outside the door, and knock next time.” 

“My apologies. I will try to remember that next time.” He walked around to the side of the bed, “Y/N, Why are you angry all the time?” 

You rolled away from him, “Ugh, Cas, I don’t need a shrink. Go away.” 

“I don’t understand why Sam makes you angry. If you are in love with him, shouldn’t he make you happy?” 

Oh the innocence and curiosity in his tone was so cute. WAIT. WHAT? Did he just say what you think he said. “Excuse me?” You rolled back over to him. “Did you just say that I was in love with Sam?” 

“That is correct.” 

Your threw your hand up over your eyes, “Cas, get out.” 

You spent the next hour mulling over what Cas had said. He’s crazy, He has lost his little angel mind, Was all you kept telling yourself. You so wished you had someone to talk this through with. Someone you could just vent to. Normally, you would have gone to Sam, but that would be a little awkward, given it was about him. Also, you were still a little peeved. 

That’s when it hit you. JODY. You had gotten really close with her over the past year. Trusting her to the things you couldn’t tell the boys, there wasn’t much of it, but she was there when something did come up. 

It was around two in the morning when you went traipsing through he bunker, duffle in tow, heading for the garage. 

“Where the hell are you going?” Dean’s voice boomed through the air. 

“None of your damn business Winchester!” You bit, not stopping your journey. 

Sam heard the commotion, and rounded the corner, almost running into you, “Woah, where are you going? It’s like two am.” 

“What am I child? You don’t have to keep tabs on me. I can handle myself, thank you.” 

Sam grabbed your arm, “Y/N, you don’t have to give me all the details, just tell me where you are going, okay? Please.” His eyes were laced with the kind of worry and concern, that can only be described as Sam’s. 

You yanked your arm away from him. After you got over the initial jolt of anger from having him grab you, you didn’t look at him any longer, but still answered. It came out as a soft whisper, far from the bitter hiss that had been your most used tone lately. “Jody’s. I just need a couple days away.”

In only a few short hours, you were at Jody’s door, just in time for breakfast. You had texted her a heads up, so you didn’t feel like you were just barging in on her. She had given you a key to her place a few months back, so you rapped your knuckles against the door a couple times, then inserted the key, and let yourself in. “Hey Jody!” You called out, making sure you wouldn’t startle her, if she hadn’t heard you come in. 

She was in the kitchen making some pancakes and bacon. Yum. “Hey, Y/N! hope you’re hungry” she smiled, making her way over, and wrapping you in a warm hug. Those had been something you’d also grown to love over the time you’ve known her. They were something that made you feel at ease, like you were at home. She loved you like family, and you never doubted that. You wanted to say she was kind of like a mother to you, but at the same time, she was way too cool, and calling her a mother figure, kinda made you feel like you were calling her old. She was kinda like the cool aunt you got to pal around with, but still had a few years on you, so she could give you the advice you needed. 

Most of the morning was spent laughing and catching up over breakfast. These were the moments you enjoyed with her most. It was nice to see her happy and carefree for a while. She had so much on her plate, and wears doing her best to raise the girls she had taken in. “So, don’t think I’m going to let you get off that easy. What’s got you in a tailspin missy?” 

“What are you talking about, Jody?” Truthfully, you hadn’t told Jody why you were stopping by, other than you just wanted to have some girl time. You had pretty much abandoned the thought to telling her what Cas had said becuase it was just too crazy.

“Oh come on. I know you well enough to know when you’re caught up on something, so spill” she said as she got comfy in the chair, propping her chin on her hand, giving you that grin. “Out with it woman.” 

You plopped down on the couch, letting out a frustrated sigh. Why did you think this was going to be a good idea. “Well, let’s see, where do I begin? I mean I have been a bitch for no apparent reason over the past week and a half. Seriously I have no idea why. Everything just sort of pisses me off. I have almost bit the boys’ heads off serveral times. You’d think it was Dean being an ass that was making me this way, but shockingly, Sam has been the one who seems to trigger it. He hasn’t even done anything either.” Good lord, once you started talking, it all just came out, like a dam had broken. “Oh and don’t even get me started on Cas’ theory.” 

Jody was having way too much fun watching you explain this. You were so animated, talking with you hands, and making all kinds of facial expressions. Of course she knew all along what the problem was. She was able to spot it from day one. You may not have always been in love with him, but you were always close with him, and she knew it was only a matter of time. 

“So after he pops in in announced, he decides to tell me he thinks I’m acting strange because I am in love with Sam.” You were up pacing in front of the couch at this point. “The angel is off his rocker. I mean come on, where does he get off telling me how I feel. That’s just nuts. Sam is like a brother to me. It would just be weird. I can’t be in love with my brother. There are laws against that, you know.” Jody couldn’t help but let out a small chuckle at that last part. “Jody, seriously? This is no laughing matter. Please help me figure out why I am going nuts, so I can prove to him, that that’s not the reason.”

The longer you went on, the more comical it became. It seemed more like you were trying to convince yourself that you he was wrong. Jody was trying to wait to see if you’d get there on your own. “I’m serious. Like can he please just mind his own business, and stay the hell out of my love life! There are far more pressing issues.” When you stopped pacin , you were standing directly in front of her on the other side of the coffe table, hand on your hips, “Where would he even get that crazy idea?” 

Jody sat up a little, cocked her head to the side, giving you that signature Jody smile, “Is it really that crazy?” 

Your arms dropped, and your eyes widened, “You have got to be kidding me. You think I’m in love with Sam too?” 

“Are you?” It was a simple question. Yes or no. You should have been able to give a response in seconds, but something about it seemed so hard to answer. After all that convincing you just did, you couldn’t say no. But you also couldn’t bring yourself to say yes. You back down on the couch. Every now and then you’d open your mouth to say something, only to have nothing but a small sound come out, sollowed by immediate closing of you mouth. “You’re thinking too much. Stop trying to rationalize everything for a moment. Just relax, and let yourself feel instead of telling yourself how to feel.”  She gave you a couple seconds, “Are you in love with Sam?”

You sat there just staring at the coffee table for a second, letting yourself stop racing around inside your head for the first time in a long time. After what seemed like an eternity you had come to a conclusion, “Holy shit...” you said, slowly looking up a Jody. Little did you know, while you were zoned out, she grabbed your keys off the table. 

She quirked an eyebrow at you, holding them up, “Go.” 

If you want to be added to one of my tag lists, just ask :) I have 3 main tag lists: The Anything and Everthing, The Sammy Boy, and The Deano. Feel free to ask about being tagged in any other character as well, or just in certain types of fics. I love y’all! 

The Anything and Everything Tag List: @tillielynn16 @fandomaskedstuff @naruko88558855 @hillface89 @saltysamgirls @unusualcorn

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[emmettspeakz]

Out of the Dark - Carry on chapter 61 (Klance AU)

Out of the Dark

Lance POV

I couldn’t sleep. For some reason, being so far away from home, worried my family thinks I’m dead and I’d been kicked out of the garrison even though I was away fighting evil, made me restless. I decided to talk a walk around the castle, hoping to clear my head. I hadn’t expected to see Keith trying to take a pod and disappear into the night.

“Keith?” I call out to him. He reacts like he hears me but doesn’t stop putting his stuff in one of the pods. I want to shout but I can’t risk waiting the others up. Still sort of drowsy from lying in bed, I half sprint half stride over to the pods. Keith seems to keep ignoring me.

That’s it, I think and I grab his arm. He looks up at me like an innocent little boy getting caught trying to steal a candy bar. “Where do you think you’re going?” I ask, my teeth clenched, annoyed I had to go to great lengths to get his attention. “I’m leaving.” He says simply, as if it was as mundane an activity as breathing. “You’re what?” I realize my voice has risen and I lower it immediately. “You’re what?” I repeat, belligerent. “We have a mission tomorrow you ass hat! Like you’re supposed to go with Shiro to that planet to get supplies so we can defeat Zarkon, remember?” Keith wrenches his hand away from me. “I just have to go, okay?” “You’re a fucking hypocrite you know that? You laid into Pidge about wanting to leave to find her family and now you’re deserting.”

Keith ground his teeth at me while I spoke. “This is different-” I cut him off. “Oh different huh? What makes you so special? What makes you and Pidge different?!” I demanded angrily. I wanted to wring his neck, grab him by the collar and scream in his face but that would do nothing. He’s too much of a hot-headed, asshole. As much as we didn’t get along, the team needed Keith, needed us to try to get along. Keith rounded on me, his eyes slits, but there was no anger there, just sorrow. “Because Pidge isn’t half galra.” He said quietly. At first I couldn’t tell that’s what he said, the words were barely a whisper. “What-what does that have to do with anything?” “It-” “Do you believe in the galran cause? Are you gonna go look for your galra mother? Betray us like the other galrans?” “No, it’s not like that at all but-” “Then what?” Keith let out a hard sigh. “Allura doesn’t want me here. I’m part galra, the galra that destroys lives, that destroyed her planet, her family. How can I ever look her in the eyes now? How can I–” Keith paused, looking like he was going to cry. I’d never seen Keith like this. I was genuinely concerned. “Hey, it’s not your fault you’re galran-” I try but Keith won’t hear it. “Spare me Lance. I don’t need that from you right now. Your family is waiting for you at home, you have a purpose here, I don’t have a family that will miss me if I’m gone. Both my parents are dead and I’m an only child. My mom would hate what I am and I would hate what she was…hell I don’t even know what I am, what social group I belong to. I’m hated for one part of me, and loved for the other. I’ve never fit in and now I know why. I don’t belong anywhere. I might as well be dead.”

It took a moment to register what Keith intended to do and when it did, my eyes widened and I took a step back. I realized I didn’t like Keith talking like this. I’d never heard him talk like this before, but I hated hearing it. I didn’t mean to offend him but he looked back at me with tired plum-colored eyes.

“Even you hate me. I’m a monster.” For some reason I hated when he said that too. No matter what happened between us, all the rivalry, all the teasing and anger, I cared about him. We were part of a team. We all relied on each other.

“You’re not,” I say, but it comes out unsure. “You’re not a monster.” I reiterate, more confident this time. “You’ve never killed anyone.” “Fuck you.” He growled at me, climbing into the pod. I rushed forward, determined to stop him. “Get the fuck away from me!” He’s almost shouting now, the rest of the team could probably hear us. “No. What were you gonna do? Fly into the sun?” “Good idea.” 

*3rd person*

Keith shoves Lance out of the way but he fights back, crawling back onto the pod. “Get off. This pod is for me only. You need to stay here.” “So do you.” Lance grunts, grabbing him by the ankle. “Fuck off McClain!” “No!” “I’m better off dead! Everyone hates me now! If you hang onto this pod, it’s going to kill you! That’s not what you deserve! ” “Well it’s not what you deserve either! And I don’t hate you!”

Keith blinks at him, surprised to hear lance say that. But his face hardens again and he activates his bayard.

Keith POV

I’m going to have to rip the boy’s arms off to save him and our stupid rivalry will be over in the most bloody of ways. My mother would be ashamed of me. I look at lance, as if in slow motion. His hair is tussled from sleep, but his eyes are wild and bright, almost fiery, full of determination to stop me. He’s staring me down as I stare at him, our eyes lock for seconds that feel like hours. The boy I’ve had nothing to do with until now, who has been trouble since we met, the boy who I thought hated me and would gladly wish I was dead so he could be a fighter pilot…is the one person trying to keep me alive right now. He’s so full of life, of spirit, of mind. He’s grabbed ahold of me and I don’t want him to let go. I don’t know what would be happening right now if he hadn’t shown up.

“Lance-” I say, wanting to pull him towards me but he leans in instead and kisses me.

Lance POV

The kiss didn’t last long. I pulled away before either of us thought too much about it. But I did it because I didn’t want Keith to pull away. I wanted him to stop talking like that, like he didn’t matter just because he was related to the race that was systematically wiping out the universe. He can’t help where he comes from, he can only embrace it and move forward. The team will accept him in time, as I have already done. That included allura. I want to assure him of that, but right now neither of us want to talk. Keith grabs hold of my cheeks and pulls me in close, enveloping me in his arms.

I’ve never kissed a boy before. It’s wet, it’s sloppy almost, but I enjoyed the warmth now pooling inside my stomach at the feeling, the very thought of kissing Keith Kogane. My entire body fills with this warmth, like a cloak of protection. What did this make us now? Did this make us friends? Lovers? I didn’t care. None of that mattered right now. I just wanted to keep Keith close to me. I had pulled him out of the dark and I never wanted to let him go.

He stayed holding me into him, for minutes that ticked away like seconds. He grabs my shirt collar and pulls me in even closer. I don’t protest, I’m just here to comfort him. Then he releases my lips, which are now swollen from kissing him and I move to press a finger to them. He flashes me an apologetic look but I merely smile at him. He smiles in return, then sticks his head into my chest and lets out a huge exhale–of relief, of sorrow, I’m not sure but I don’t move away from him to look at his face. I play with a bit of his black wavy hair, smoothing it down, coaxing him to calm, hopefully to sleep. I just sit in the pod with him, his hands folded and curled behind my back, his hot breath on my chest and stomach as I stroke his neck.

I feel as if saying anything would ruin this moment we’re having but I have to say what something before we both fall asleep and forget or act like this never happened. But what do I say? “You called me Lance.” I say instead of anything profound or cliché. It’s something, I guess. “No I didn’t.” He mumbles, sitting up straight to look me in the eyes. I forgot how beautiful his eyes were. Amethysts, twinkling like midnight stars. I chuckle. “You did, Keith.” He pouts at me. “Fine, whatever.” He grumbles, and I pull him back up to my lips. I don’t want things to change after tonight. I wish we could always do this. I want to kiss Keith every night until I’m just cosmic dust.

“Come on.” I say, backing up to get out of the pod, legs first. I hold out my hand to him. He seems hesitant at first but doesn’t protest, eventually taking my hand as we both climb out of the pod, still clinging to each other as if that’s the only thing keeping us grounded. “Hey, I don’t care if you’re Galran.” I start eventually. I cringe at the change to the earlier topic that had driven Keith to the edge but I had to address it. “I don’t care where you came from. You’re not like those selfish savages okay? You’re part of our team. You’re the red lion of Voltron. You’re still just Keith.” Keith nods slightly then grins. “Just Keith?” I bite my lip nervously. “I didn’t mean it like that but I just–you’re my Keith uh I mean like you’re the same Keith who got kicked out of the garrison and I mean I–”

Keith cuts my babbling off with another kiss. “Stop talking McClain.” He tells me, kissing me again. I smirk at him. “Call me Lance.”

We walk in the direction of our rooms, hand in hand. I don’t know how long it’s been since I initially got up and right now I couldn’t care less. “I’m glad I couldn’t sleep tonight.” I mused absentmindedly. He just beamed back at me. “Me too.”

We kiss again in front of my door, neither one of us wanting to leave the other. “Will you be okay if I leave you?” I ask Keith reluctantly. We have a big day tomorrow and we have to get sleep. Keith doesn’t answer, but he looks like he wants to shake his head. “Just tell me to stay if you need me to.” I tell him, resting my chin on his head and breathing in the scent of him. I liked our height difference, it made for an easier hug. “Okay, stay.” Keith replied softly and I let him lead me into his room. His room was dark and warm and smelled so much of Keith I thought I might suffocate. But I got used to it in moments. It smelled good, of cherries and leather like the gloves he always wore and other smells intermingling with each other that I couldn’t place. It smelled like home, like safety.

He laid down on the bed, pulling me with him and I lay down beside him. I wrapped my left arm around his torso and the other by his neck and turned so his back was against my front. He sighed into me, a relaxed, calmed sigh that gave me the last reassurance I needed that Keith wouldn’t leave me here if I fell asleep. I saw Keith smile at me, then turn so the back of his head faced me. The last thing I saw as I fell asleep was Keith’s wavy black hair as it settled deep into the pillow next to me, the familiar sound of snoring filling my ears.