#I am just really excited about a lot of things atm and my plants are one of those things

[newtafterdark]

Speaking of the plants that were disrespected by my landlords -

A good chunk of them have grown back in & that makes me so happy! :D

Especially the big bushy (currently not blooming) ones in my big planters that are for bees & other insects during spring & summer!

But also my strawberries!! Both the wild one on the bottom stacked in the back on the two big bottom planters & the two "proper" ones hanging high, which will get their own terracotta planters soon!

[sonohban]

Oh this is something I'm awfully excited to ask you but I keep on forgetting!! But anyway, if you'll create an alien race based on bugs in dragon ball how would you go about it? Like what would be the most important detail do you think they should have? (I want to ask you about specifics of that race too but I don't want to pressure you on answering since I'm sure that would be long. Just an idea of what an alien bug race can be would be awesome!)

THIS IS SUCH A GREAT QUESTION..... because it makes me think so hard i can't think of anything conclusively :') first up is- would this insect race be one species? one family? one order? or just a mix of all different kinds? there's literally around a million insect species and almost 30 orders that are INCREDIBLY diverse in form. i don't want to paste every single example here but here's just the silhouettes to give you an idea!!

(deep longing sigh, a graphic from one of my favorite papers by misof et al. 2014)

but also i could just. make up a new bug entirely?? 😳 like just smash together my favorite characteristics from across the insect world... what sounds good to me atm is cool wings (i like plain membranous more than the scaly wings of butterflies/moths, you can get cool patterns with them too), the general horse shape of a mantis/snakefly and sound producing organs (insects make noises in different ways! crickets stridulate by rubbing their wings together, cicadas expand/contract their tymbals, hissing roaches compress air through their spiracles). i like the idea of insects singing to communicate, it's pretty much only to attract mates or scare predators but i think it's a generally romantic idea :'3 i also think it's cool to consider aspects of physiology, like insects have an open circulatory system (their organs are bathed in hemolymph instead of supplied by vessels), they have a more decentralized nervous system (can still get around despite lots of their body missing), they can overwinter, among other things. oh i think i'd also like them to be holometabolous (larva>pupa>adult rather than a nymph that gradually sheds into its adult form) because i want to see proud parents holding their cute little worm babies :3c

in terms of dragon ball i can say what i won't do- toriyama i'm making a callout post on tumblr dot com- there are insects other than cicadas (although i LOVE cicadas) but i am tired of these things

it is a real structure found among the true bugs (order hemiptera, includes aphids, leafhoppers, cicadas, etc.) called a cibarium which basically houses the big muscles the herbivorous members use to suck up plant juices. SUCK, you say?? yeah these things don't have chewing mouthparts so shut your weird beak mouth, cell. you're supposed to be sucking up people with that instead. their mouths have been modified into straw things called a rostrum which you can barely see under the cibarium of that cicada. if i had to make an alien race based off these kinds of bugs, their mouths would remain rostra and i'd definitely have them communicate through sound production only. that would be hella cool.

(also while we're on the cell callout train, cell's wings are based off the shell of a beetle which are technically called elytra but THERE'S ALSO SUPPOSED TO BE MEMBRANOUS NORMAL WINGS UNDERNEATH! insects typically have two pairs of wings and the shell of a beetle is just the hardened first pair.)

hehe sorry that went on for a bit. take some bonus doodles that this inspired although i wouldn't consider these examples of a sentient alien race. i really like snakeflies and think they're adorable OTL

[stars-tonight]

hi ho i would like to ask for a matchup pls! i'll be using this emoji 🧺 :D

1. long matchup pls!

2. romantic!

3. agender and i go by they/them, no preference in gender!

4. not rlly picky when it comes to partner but i think the most important thing is that they treat everyone else with equal kindness no matter what, doesn't look down on ppl and ig someone who's authentic to themselves

5. i'm quite cheerful, i'm also rlly loud LMFAO and i am the world's biggest yapper‼️ like talk your ear off kind of yapping 🔥 i also am interested in a lot of things so i love talking and listening about different topics!

6. i do a lot of stuff... LMFAO i do anything that interests me so i have 28262937 hobbies and i'm always at the next one 💀 i would say the current ones i'm doing are drawing, taking walks, cooking, building gundam models and listening, discovering and curating music/playlists :>

7. love languages wise i enjoy both giving and receiving all 5 of em, tho if i had to rank them quality time would be my first and physical touch would be my last :]

8. i think location wise it doesn't matter (well except like idk near a nuclear plant of somewhere dangerous) but i would enjoy dates where we can talk about everything under the sun or just enjoy each other's presence :D whether that would be at a park, museum, aquarium or even at home! i personally think place doesn't matter as long as ur with someone u love <3

i hope i got everything down! sorry if they're not in order (my memory is failing me atm LOL)

headcanons

🥛 when you first think of kind characters in hq you might not think of tanaka because he's more known for . . . other things

🥛 but if you look into his character you can see that he's actually really nice

🥛 let's not forget that tanaka was the one to sneak kageyama and hinata into the gym for early practice at the beginning

🥛 he's also really supportive and protective of his teammates and isn't afraid to stand up to others who are mean

🥛 and he's super protective of those he like likes, like kiyoko in the series

🥛 (we're pretending like they don't get married here)

🥛 and tanaka's also not ashamed or insecure about himself

🥛 he actually doesn't strike me as a yapper even though he gets excited and fired up really easily

🥛 but once he's excited he's really energized and loud (even if it's in public, man really has no filter)

🥛 he'd love doing a bunch of stuff with you and trying a lot of things; anything you like to do, he'd gladly follow you while you do it

🥛 while tanaka may fawn over kiyoko because she's pretty, his giving love language actually doesn't strike me as physical touch

🥛 (nishinoya would be more physical touch in my opinion)

🥛 tanaka's giving love language probably something more like words of affirmation

🥛 he'd be the first one to praise you and call you hot lol

🥛 although he'd also be obsessed with giving acts of service

🥛 you could ask him to get you an ice cream and within seconds he'd be kneeling at your feet with ten different types of ice cream bars in his hands

🥛 he just wants to take care of you and do everything for you

🥛 would probably unironically call himself your "servant"

🥛 although tanaka's receiving love language is definitely physical touch

🥛 every time you touch him he probably starts screaming about how hot you are

🥛 since you're not as big on physical affection, he'd actually treat it as a sort of challenge

🥛 he thinks of it as a win or a reward when you hug him

🥛 but it's okay if you don't give him hugs because it "turns him on" anyway. . . (ew, i cringed so hard when he said this in the show)

🥛 tanaka suits high energy dates more, so think amusement parks (more specifically the bumper cars) or sports matches

🥛 but just like you said, he's happy anywhere he can be around you!

runner up for you was akaashi keiji! (two very different options i know haha)

A/N: there you go 🧺anon, i hope you liked it!

[brilliantblossomingcoordinator]

♡ Hello ~ Introduction Time! ♡

My name is Alstroemeria~ Yes, long I know, just call me Meria. It would be easier for everyone involved. I'm 16 and go by she/her! I happen to take after my name, with a great love of flowers, I think they are the pinnacle of beauty! After all, I am originally from Alola, where there are gorgeous plants aplenty! I do say 'originally', because I havent been there in a long time... My parents moved to Unova for work when I was a small child and I have lived here ever since. In Castelia, to be precise. I do love living here very much, and the city life is much more my speed truthfully, but I'm quite proud of my origins too! I say both are lovely and I very much embrace all parts of me.

Now I'm sure you may have already assumed from all that, but I do in fact attend Blueberry Academy. It's Unovas finest, after all! With that being said, I really don't mind battles you see, I'm no amateur. It's hard to be when you attend Blueberry, really. But my interest lies elsewhere! My dream is to become a true contest star! Yes, the spectacles in Hoenn may well be the most inspiring thing and truest display of beautiful greatness I've ever seen! And so badly do I wish to show that greatness to everyone else, too. Such a wonderful activity should not be so elusive, I say every region should enjoy the art of contest spectaculars and here I shall start! My blog here is merely a part of this journey to spread the art of Pokemon coordinating~

That should do for the time being yes? Excellent! Do join me in coordinating sometime, won't you~?

Attached is a picture of me in one of my most recent coordinating outfits (I have many! Fashion is another great interest of mine~) and my most lovely Pokemon!

(OOC below)

My main blog is michellekyura and you can find more info about me there! As for basic info I go by she/her and am 19, even though I am an adult this OC is not so no NSFW. Anything else is fair game do whatever if it's appropriate

Though I love rp and pokemon Ive never really done pokeblog rp before but it seemed very fun and my kinda thing, after all its two things i love a lot so i wanted to give it a go with my latest and currently most loved oc; meria being pretty much all my favorite things both in general and in pokemon rolled in one character (and somewhat based on how i see my violet player!), and thus shes quite dear to me atm i felt like she would be the perfect starting point! (and btw her ace is clover :] ) ♡ that should be it for now, excited to be here!

[sparxwrites]

i'm slowly circling around hermitcraft (i keep telling myself i'm not going to get into another minecraft smp thing, i did my days in the yogscast mines) and it's so compelling. i won't lie. what would you, personally, suggest as a starting point for someone who hasn't watched any of these people before? even without knowing these characters, your hermitcraft fic is so good that i want to learn more about them

yeah see, i told myself that too and then dsmp and 3rd life and hermitcraft happened and. here i am. back in the pits again!! having the time of my life about it ngl.

so, okay, my first caveat would be: fandom does a lot of heavy lifting re: it having a plot. like... i'd say they're less plotty than the yogs were, with season 8 being an honourable exception. so don't go in expecting that my fic has uhhhhh. really any relation to canon lmao. (though to be fair, it didn't really in yogs either, so...)

first option: watch an episode of Hermitcraft Recap (a channel that does a weekly "what happened on hermitcraft this week" highlights video), see if any of the things mentioned take your fancy, and then check out the channel of the hermit that did it. this is good if you're hunting for someone doing a specific Thing in minecraft, rather than streamer personality.

second option: see the rec list below, and check out one of those people's season 8. season 8 is now over, but it was very short compared to regular seasons - so a lot of the excitement gets compressed and amped up, and it's a good way to really get an idea of what people are about. it will give you an unrealistic idea of how plotty hermitcraft gets, especially the end, because they went absolutely off the shits with that one, but it's a great season.

third option: see the rec list below, and jump straight into season 9 - either at the beginning of someone's series, or at the current point, or skip around through various people's things. we're like 20-ish eps in, depending on the person, but honestly it's pretty easy to dip in and out; we just had a big Plot Development with rendog getting crowned king of the server, so it's a good time to start! rec list (biased to the people i watch, obvs! the others are great too, but these are my faves), to help you decide who to pick:

Literally unhinged impossible redstone, constantly on his villain arc, (and tomato plants?): DocM77

Very good redstone, also extremely funny: TangoTek (also makes excellent noises), MumboJumbo (on break atm. i miss him :( ), Zedaph (he's doing. weird shit this season, but i support him in his quest to be a lunatic)

Incredible building, but also chaos-gremlin energy: BdoubleO100 (excellent noises pt.2), Grian (main character energy, tumblr's fave), PearlescentMoon (i am kissing her s9 base directly on the mouth)

Incredible building, really nice voice: GoodTimesWithScar (tumblr's other fave)

Building but also like. weirdly chill-but-horny vibes: Keralis (deliberately), Rendog (on accident)

Literally no idea but you should watch him: Joe Hills (very odd, currently hyperfixated on pinball machines, i find him very soothing for reasons that escape me, writes haikus for his episodes????)

fourth option: some of what you've seen from me will be from 3rd / last / double life, a bunch of semi-hardcore "death games" series run by grian and involving a bunch of hermits (plus some other friends, including inthelittlewood from the yogscast!). these are great, and i watched these before hermitcraft, and then based who i was watching in hc on what i'd seen there. double life is happening rn and we're only 3 eps in, so it'd be easy to catch up! it's basically a soulmate au but in minecraft, because grian is insane; i'm really enjoying BdoubleO100, PearlescentMoon, Tango, Rendog, and Grian (Scar is on a weird zookeeping arc, godbless, so he's in my bad books until he starts killing again. otherwise, the go-to rec is Grian or Scar's pov of 3rd Life, which sent me fucking insane.

[nxtsnw]

🪐!! hehe

— i prefer for a friend to have a good sense of humor since i am prone to telling bad jokes LOL, someone who has similar interests as me, someone who’s kind. just all around someone i can have a good laugh with and isn’t toxic :)

— i literally can’t think of any funny stories atm :0 uhhh….i started the ass cult HAHA, i’ve read smut in a southern accent to my friends because it’s funny, i’ve tried to run through a screen door, i got fckin yeeted off an electric scooter into the middle of the road in front of a lot of people, i snorted really loud in a dennys and one of the servers came and leaned over our table glaring at me and my friend who were laughing, and then just started snorting at us really loud

— kazubun (kazutora x bun); kazutora and i are dumbasses together. kazutora, after a shift at the pet shop with chifuyu in the winter, has run up to me to hug me but face planted in the snow just short of me. he got too excited and the snow covered the uneven sidewalk. i tried not to laugh at him when he looked up at me with snow lightly covering his face, but the pout of his lips was too cute. when i walked over to help him up i slipped on the slippery part of the snow and ended up face first in it too. we were both covered in snow walking back to our apartment, chifuyu witnessed everything, and we caught colds the next day.

i hope i’m not too late with this!! :)

hii pretty!! don't worry I read about your preference, thanks for specifying it :))

your platonic soulmate is... rindou haitani !!

OK WAIT LET ME EXPLAIN. I asked for some advice(bel ilysm) for who was really "funny" in Tokyo revengers, but few give me the vibes of having good humor-

I'm sure Rindou could make you laugh in any situation, even if a little awkwardly, he would.

He has his way of being nice, but I'm sure he'd do anything for you. He lives life day by day, so I think it's impossible to get bored with him-

A platonic relationship with him is something truly special; in any case, he will put you first<3 (mhm if ran says something, I beat him)

Rindou's a bit of a landslide as moral support, but he would try- You'd probably end up dying of laughing then-

He's maybe a little jealous, but he'll never admit it, and he leaves you all your space when you're dating someone :)

YOU HAVE DONE SO MANY FUNNY THINGS FDNIALNADLANWF YOUR FRIENDS ARE LUCKY

PLS I LOVED THE SELF SHIP PART SO MUCH (your writing is gorgeous). You and Kazu are so lovely- hcs: he's the type who thinks he's close to more when he gets sick((even for a simple cold), but knowing that you're there too he'd be more reassured-

[itsclydebitches]

Discredit Pt. 2: More Recommended Reviews For A.Z. Fell’s

Alright, folks. Some notes first: 

1. You all rock. I’m sending out 20k+ virtual hugs for all the notes I NEVER expected to get on this nonsense. 

2. This is probably the final section, just because I’m not sure I can adequately follow up part one and it might be foolish to attempt it here. Let alone twice. But for now, here we go. 

3. Kudos to the anon who reminded me of Aziraphale’s cash-only policy <3 

4. Nicole Y’s review is based off an actual comment I read years ago, but heaven only knows where online it was. I’ve got the memory of a goldfish. 

5. Trigger warning for the use of a queer slur in this. It’s the same review as above, number 5 if you want to avoid it. 

6. There’s a text-only version of just the reviews at the end, after all the images. I’ll upload that to my Sparse Clutter collection on AO3 in a bit. 

Bonus 7. People thinking this is a real shop deserve all the good things in this world. 

That’s all I’ve got. Hope you enjoy! 👍

****************************************************************************

I’m a simple guy who likes simple jokes. If there’s a whoopee cushion I plant it. I will call you up to ask if your refrigerator is running and then tell you to go catch it. (Actually that one died out so thoroughly it’s actually capable of a comeback now!). Yes, I’m a dad and yes, I have a t-shirt that says Dad Jokes? I Think You Mean Rad Jokes! which I wear un-ironically every Saturday. All of which is just to say that my wife was well prepared for my stupidity when I walked into Fell’s.

I? I was not.

You see the bibles when you walk in? The ones to the left? Let them be. Don’t even look at them. Definitely don’t pick out the fanciest one you can find and absolutely don’t walk up to the owner with it held in your pudgy little fingers, grinning like a loon, cheerfully asking whether this should be in the fiction section. Just don’t. Mark my words you’ll regret it. Though your wife won’t. She’ll get a great old laugh out of it all.

In conclusion: it’s quite possible that mama did raise a fool and he just got his ass verbally whooped by a guy in a bowtie.  

***

Shout-out to Mr. Fell for being the only decent bloke in this city. I’ve popped in and out of his store for years—including before I started transitioning. So he knew my dead name, dead look, whole shebang and I was definitely nervous to play the ‘You know me, but this is what’s changed and are you gonna throw a fit about it?’ game.

You know what he said? “Oh, Rose! What a lovely choice. Crowley dear, why aren’t you growing any roses? Some white ones would look splendid next to my Henredon chair.”

That’s it. He just went straight into dragging his partner for not giving him roses. So hey, Mom? Next time you’re snooping through my social media why don’t you explain to all these nice people why the 50+yo book seller accepts me in ways you won’t. Don’t go telling me age is an excuse or that you’re ‘Stuck in your ways.’ I’ve watched Fell dress in the same damn clothes since I was ten!!

Yeah. Sorry. Rant over. Fell’s a gem. That’s my take. Rose out.

***

Anyone else in the shop when that guy started yelling about buying pornography? And then got escorted into the back room for some ‘private conversation’? Well done, Mr. Fell! Didn’t know you had it in you.

***

Alright alright alright alright I am TOTALLY calm about this.

Went into A.Z. Fell’s last Thursday. Not because I knew anything about the place. Just because I’ve been hitting up every bookshop within a twenty-mile radius, asking if they’re hosting any book signings. Long story short I self-published my novel Blight last month—which you can get for a mere £5 here but I swear this isn’t a promotional thing I’m just BROKE—and have been looking for networking opportunities, tips, stuff like that. So the owner listened politely as I explained all this. Then said he didn’t do anything of that sort, which didn’t surprise me given the shop’s vibe.

But then? Then??? He offered to let me do a signing there??????

As said. Totally calm about this. This man either plans to kidnap me or is actually giving me my first shot at an audience outside my blog. AKA totally worth the risk.

Tuesday the 9th. 7:00pm. Just in case anyone’s interested ;)

***

holy sweet baby jesus i was tripping balls last week you tryin’ to tell me that kING KONG SIZED FANGED FUCK SNAKE IS REAL

***

Witnessed the most perfect exchange the other day:

Grumpy Dude With No Manners: “You. Boy. Where’s the man I spoke with over the phone?”

Mr. Fell’s Partner Who Knows Damn Well Only Two of Them Work There But Clearly Doesn’t Like This Guy’s Tone: “Did this man give you his name?”

Grumpy Dude: “Might have. Don’t remember. Sounded like a fairy though.”

Me: “....”

My girlfriend: “....”

This Poor Sweet Startled Kid On Our Left: “?!?!?!?”

Fell’s Partner In The Drollest Voice I’ve Ever Heard: “None of us have wings. Out!”

***

This shop gets full stars simply because every time I walk in they’re playing Queen.

I mean, I’ve walked in once, but once is enough when you’ve got Crazy Little Thing Called Love blasting full volume.

***

Okay, I’m still kind of shaken up but I needed to write this out somewhere and this seemed as good a place as any.

I spilled my latte on a book. Just tripped on thin air, popped the lid, and chucked a venti’s worth of coffee all over a very expensive looking text. I didn’t mean to, obviously, but it happened and I just started bawling on the spot. Full on sobs because this semester has been absolute hell, I ruined this guy’s antique, there’s no way I can pay for it, I can’t even sneak away because I’m drawing the whole store’s attention...just all the things all at once. I really was straight up panicking and was seconds away from pulling out my inhaler. I couldn’t breathe.

And then Mr. Fell showed up.

Jesus it’s embarrassing to admit but I think I hit him once or twice. On the arms I mean, because he was trying to touch me and I figured, I don’t know, it was a restraint or something. He was going to call the police and hold me until they got there. But then he managed to start rubbing my back and I lost it like I hadn’t already been bawling my eyes out in this shop. Ever cry into a perfect stranger’s chest? I have! But if Mr. Fell seemed to mind he definitely didn’t show it. Just kept holding me while I probably ruined his shirt and then took me into the back and made me a new coffee in this cute little angel mug. He let me stay there while I called my sister and waited for her to arrive.

She’s a good twenty minutes outside of Soho, so we talked for a while. It’s not like Mr. Fell could fix my shit roommate or bio classes, but I guess just talking about it all really helped. I was a lot calmer by the time my sis arrived and Mr. Fell insisted I come back any time I wanted—for browsing or more coffee.

Of course, sis offered to pay for the book herself. I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone look so surprised in my life. “Certainly not!” he said. “Contrary to popular belief, no one should pay for their mistakes. It’s what makes you all so wonderfully human.”

So yeah. Thanks, Mr. Fell.

***

This little shop must have started a book club for kids! Lately I’ve seen the same group of children hanging out at Fell’s. Three boys and a girl. They’re a bit rambunctious at times, but who isn’t at that age? So wonderful seeing literature passed down to the next generation. Even if some of it is rather questionable looking...

***

It’s an honest crime that more of you aren’t talking about what a wonderful bookstore this is.

I’m a book lover at heart and Fell’s always makes me feel like I’m coming home. I just arrived somewhere safe and familiar after a particularly harrowing day. I’ve slipped under the covers of my bed after dinner and a bubble bath. It’s something like that, but with an element of surprise too. One of the reasons why I adore private and used shops over chain stores is that little touch of chaos. You walk in and sure, there are general sections to browse, but everything is just a little bit disorganized from people leafing through books and then putting them back somewhere else. There’s no real record keeping, you’ve just gotta head to one particular corner and hope for the best. It’s not the sort of place you go to if you want something specific because the chances of them having it are slim—that’s just how the universe works—and even if they did no employee knows where it is anymore.

But if you wander the shelves for a while, crouch down low to get a look at everything on the bottom shelf, pay attention to the books that don’t have easy to read titles or any summaries to speak of... you just might find something you didn’t know you were looking for. That’s Fell’s: the comfort of the familiar and the excitement of the unknown.

*** A lot of people might assume that these stories are embellished or outright made up, but as a bookseller myself going on twenty years I believe every single one of them.

That being said, I accidentally moved a rug and found chalk sigils that look like they belong in a cult. Make of that what you will.

***

There’s a special place in hell for 21st century shop owners that only take cash. Who carries cash anymore? Not me! I haven’t bothered with that nonsense in years! You can get a card reader for 15 pounds on Amazon. Or you know what? Be stingy and pay 7 for the little attachment on your phone. This place is nuts if it thinks it’s going to survive much longer on a cash-only policy, especially with some books that look like they’re worth hundreds or thousands of pounds! Yeah, yeah, just let me pull out this giant wad of bills for you. I’ll carry them around a crime-laden city because there’s no ATM near you either.

I mean jesus, you’d think this guy didn’t want to sell anything.

***

I walked in. There was a man screaming at a fern while another threatened him with an umbrella. I walked out.

5 stars do recommend.

***

I once walked in on the same (?) guy yelling at a book for daring to fall on the owner’s head. I think that’s just a Thing over there.

***

Like a lot of people here I didn’t actually go to Fell’s for any books (flat tire, Angel Recovery taking forever) and ended up staying three hours (not because of Angel). No, I wandered towards the back and found this ancient CRT set propped on a table of books, the kind that my Dad used to watch Twilight Zone on. This lanky guy had a marathon of Gilmore Girls going... though how he was managing that with a broken antenna and no DVR, I really don’t know. But yeah. He told me to pull up a chair and I did. Guy gave me popcorn.

I wish I’d paid a little more attention to his name. Charlie? Curley? I really can’t remember, but thanks for the enjoyable afternoon, man.

***

I BOUGHT A BOOK HERE

Not sure how though. Just kinda happened. First edition of Just William. Frankly I didn’t even want the thing, but the owner basically shoved me out the door with it when I took two seconds to look at the spine. Odd that he was so willing to part with this one.

Update: ... hold up. I didn’t buy a book because I never actually paid the guy. ‘Basically shoved me out the door’ was literal. Do I go back??

***

This page has really gone feral the last couple of months so I’m just gonna bite the bullet and say it:

Anyone notice that Fell’s snake and Fell’s partner are never in the same room together?

***

I really don’t like the implications of this…

***

This is precisely why the Internet has turned into a cesspool. You all should be ashamed of some of the stuff you’re writing here. Can’t two men just be friends anymore? Two real life men? These guys aren’t some characters for you to ‘ship’ or whatever. Quit making outrageous assumptions about their sexualities and use this website for what it’s actually for: reviewing the bookshop. Honestly I’m so sick of this sort of this shit.

***

Dude. They run a queer-focused shop together with a flat on the second floor. Fell calls the guy ‘Dear’ and he’s always calling him ‘Angel.’ People have literally seen them kissing. If you want I can give you the number of my physician. He might be able to help you pull your head out of your ass.

***

What the hell is your problem? I’m literally just reminding people to stop making assumptions. It’s gross and insulting. These guys check their Yelp page. You really think they’re gonna be okay with this stuff?

Also: I’m not the five-year-old relying on insults, so.

***

Making an account purely to set the record straight: I’m the hot twink in question and I married that angel. Peace

[anxiouslyfred]

Worst Type of Madness

For @dukexietyweek‘s prompt ‘High School’ I’m loving protective Remus atm and was out half the evening so that’s what I went for

Summary: Remus learnt to stand up to the bullies and is effectively his schools anti bullying policy. After their summer break he find out there’s been a new kid getting bullied and finally has the time to try and find where it’s happening and stop it.

Warnings: bullying, useless teachers, mentions of fighting, spider mentions

/\/\/\/\/\

Teachers don’t like it when Remus points out films and TV shows are wrong to suggest the bad boys are bullies. The outcasts were the ones to get bullied and bad boys always came that way from being bullied and learning how to stand up against them with violence when teachers ignored the problem.

Then again Remus have lived the process and knew how useless it was to make teachers hear anything they didn’t want to. He was loud in class so of course he had to have been the bully, not the kids attacking as a team, or showing up with things that had blatently been his the day before.

He had made sure that after the bullies decided he was too much trouble to keep going after he’d bring the trouble after them, protecting any kid he learnt was being bullied for whatever reason.

Some of those kids didn’t want to stick around him and that was fine. Remus didn’t really care beyond making sure they were safe and generally Roman would work on befriending them then. Others would follow him around occasionally, close enough to be called friends, but really just finding comfort in the maniacal safety he presented.

The point was that there hadn’t been any bullying he’d failed to stop before it escalated for half a school year, but with the return from the summer holidays there was talk of bullying problems again. All the friends in his protection had muttered something about making a new kid meet Remus but hadn’t managed it yet.

Remus wanted to meet whomever it was, but he’d made a deal with the art teacher that he’d take a role as a student assistant so he could have more time spent working on his own projects in the art classrooms. That had been taking up a lot of the time he’d usually fill with anything his mind came up with.

On Fridays he could still wander the school, searching out the messiest areas to “bask in the filthy gloriousness”, always leaving it tidier with hand dug flower beds by the time breaktime finished. Instead today he’d decided to seek out the beaten and the damned.

If the bullies weren’t already damned then he’d definitely be correcting that one at least.

The easiest way to find where anything could be happening was listening for a teachers yell to move along. The first time it was just for some kids messing about with the latest tradable toy to become a trend. Remus paused to increase his collections of the ones everyone hated for being too common.

Another yell had him wandering towards the vegetable garden, only to snicker at the sight of Janus trying once again to introduce native climbing vines to the trellis. They’d have a plant or two free for anybody who let them talk about the importance of native plants long enough but Remus had already been banned from bringing more plants home, no matter how well he looked about them.

With the third yell Remus found them, all cheery smiles and over friendly gestures as the group walked away from where a teacher was stood. Apparently the teacher couldn’t recognise the shaking, terrified boy in their midst.

“Oh, Troy, I keep being told I need to get introduced to the new kid, looks like you get the pleasure of introducing me.” Remus bounded over to them, going straight for the guy who had tried beating him up for the longest even after he first lost the fight.

“Remus. I’m fairly sure Virgil knows who his friends are, but sure, New kid, this is Remus the school pest.” Troy was frowning at him, clearly wanting to tell him to get out of there but held back by pretence with the teacher still nearby.

He hadn’t glanced back to look at Virgil as he made the introduction, although Remus was still watching him. Watching as one of the group muttered something with a snide grin, throwing an arm over Virgil’s shoulders, and as the boy hunched in, flinching away from the touch.

When faced with people that had failed to beat him up plenty of times Remus felt like he was parting the red sea as he moved forwards, closer to the new kid. “You know, if someone were to touch me in a way I didn’t like I’d hiss at them. Snakes, cats, racoons and badgers all agree if someone ignores a hiss the appropriate response is to bite.”

The immediate hiss directed at him just made him beam. “Pretty sure spiders suggest the same, although I’ve yet to find a version of Spiderman that hisses.” He added, recognising the character hidden under the boys hoodie now he was a bit closer.

“I’m not as fast talking though.” The first words he’d heaerd Virgil say yet were barely more than a mutter, punctuated with cautious glances around at the group near them.

“Bet you know some awesome songs though. You could quote them until you’re ready to fight back using your own words if you don’t just want to hiss all the time.” Remus suggested, finally glancing back at the sour expressions being thrown his way. “Kinda curious though. What was Troy’s little gang of popularity chasers asking you to do?”

“English homework. I get poetry according to the teach.” Virgil shrugged, clearly not believing the words.

Before Remus could respond at all a disgusted sigh interrupted them, “Guys lets just bounce. We’re not going to get anywhere now the trach has gotten involved.” Troy announced, turning to march away.

“Bet he’s left you in the trash more times than the reverse though.” Virgil snapped, pushing to be in front of Remus where they’d been standing, meeting the glare thrown back at him directly.

Remus just started snickering, “And here you seemed to be two steps from panicking when I came over. I thought I’d need breathing exercises when they left, not my camera for someone joining me in fighting back.”

“Panicking is part of fight or flight. It’s pretty easy for me to swap into fight when I can see the way out of an area. Are you the guy all those timid kids keep saying to find?” Virgil groused, rolling his eyes and hunching back down now it was just the pair of them chatting.

“That’s me, Remus. Was Troy telling the truth when he called you Virgil or am I changing your name in my head now?” He’d wanted to ask that from the start. There were a few other outcasts who the school knew by one name but as soon as Remus asked a second time said something completely different.

Virgil just shook his head. “Virgil or Virge if you like I guess. You able to teach me any self defence beyond the hissing and biting thing or should I just read up on spiders?”

“Oh I like you Virge. First time someone has actually asked to learn self defence rather than rely on my protection. So long as I don’t manage to creep you out by weeks end, this is the start of a messy complicated friendship!” Remus was cackling at the request, excited to have the chance to share his fighting skills.

Virgil narrowed his eyes, “Pretty sure you’re meant to say beautiful friendship though that would definitely be a lie.”

“And I leave lying to Janus when someone asks how a climbing plant started growing in their garden. Friendship is messy, complicated and the worst type of madness. Want to see if we make good friends?” Remus repeated the offer, fairly sure if he just insisted that was for Roman to claim not him he’d get a blank look.

Virgil snorted at the description at least. “I guess you can sign me up for the worst type of madness then.”

[karajaynetoday]

hello pals! i was tagged in this by @redrattlers @pxrxmoore @calumrose @rebelwith0utacause! sorry it took me a little while to respond!

feel free to answer all of them or just some of them or just ignore this all together, whatever you’re comfortable with, and then tag however many people you want!

1. what was your first encounter with fanfiction?

i want to say it was probably harry potter fanfiction on mugglenet back the day... love me some draco malfoy redemption arcs in fic 

2. your favourite creation of your own of all time if you create stuff (feel free to link it)?

probably the first part of it’s not the pain they’re getting over, it’s the love - which ironically is the first ever piece of 5sos writing i posted but maybe I peaked early lmao

i also wrote a prose called all he had was a letter when I was 16, and always intended to write a novel based on these two characters i have in my head called tom and ellie... maybe one day I’ll get around to it! 

3. what vibe are you going for with your home decor (or what vibe do you wanna go for one day, if you don’t have your own place atm)?

ooooh i love this question! so i moved back in with my parents this year after 8 years out of home, so at the moment i’m very much just chilling with whatever decor was already in the spare room. when i move back out again, i’m so excited to have lots of colourful art on the walls, natural tones, cosy and warm vibes. i’m not good at looking after plants, but i like my home to be bright and cheerful and welcoming for anyone that comes to visit :)

4. first fandom you ever joined? what was it like? on what platform did it happen? 

harry potter again! on mugglenet, and listening to the mugglecast podcast every week! beyond that, i was first active in the 1D tumblr fandom which was mostly fun, i did lowkey get friendship catfished by someone though which was hella weird but oh well lmao

5. what are your sun, moon and rising signs, and do you think they make sense in relation to how you know yourself?

okay so i know ZERO about the meaning of my signs so if anyone has any thoughts pls tell me bc i am VERY curious haha

i am an aquarius sun (hello calum our birthdays are two days apart), and then my moon and my rising (is ascendent in costar the same as rising? lol) is also leo so idk what that means. i like swimming? lol

6. if you write and/or read fiction (original or fanfiction), do the tropes/plots/character types you typically seek out to read and/or write about reflect something about you as a being or how you see the world?

 i am a SUCKER for friends to lovers and there’s only one bed. or family fics. i think it reflects that i yearn for and value relationships based on love and support and comfort and trust and knowing someone so well you can tell what they’re thinking. 

7. what is the hardest obstacle you’ve had to overcome so far in life?

one time i worked in a call centre with awful bosses and aggressive customers and my anxiety became so bad that i basically had a mental breakdown and had to quit. i came home for a month or so to recover, and then i was unemployed for about 6 months-ish and spent that entire time job hunting and trying to understand and manage my anxiety. that was the biggest thing i’ve probably overcome.

my other one would be when my grandfather passed away - i love all my grandparents obvs, but he was my absolute favourite human, and he passed away almost six years ago - i miss him often and deeply. in this house we have the loungeroom chair he used to sit in and read the paper, and sometimes i do the same. 

8. what is your all time favourite song(s)?

this is FAR TOO HARD to decide sorry but if you want to listen to the pod i do lots of song recs on there haha 

9. what do you look for in a person you wanna keep in your life, be it a friend or a romantic partner or anything in between?

i look for trust, respect, and a willingness to care for someone at the same level that they care for me, if that makes sense? especially this year with moving away and then covid, i’ve learnt some valuable lessons about the people that i do want to put love and energy into having friendships with and the ones that i honestly thought would do better that haven’t. i don’t have the time anymore for negativity or fixating on friendships i’ve lost, i want to focus on the ones i have, because i love them. 

10. this is a bit of a difficult one, but have you ever had a moment of clarity, a conversation with someone that made you go “oh!”, or anything along those lines?

this is gonna sound cheesy as fuck but in july of this year i stepped into a classroom and taught a lesson for the first time, and afterwards i had this moment of clarity of like yes this absolutely is a career i want to pursure - and that feeling increases with every lesson i get to teach. so that’s really exciting and rewarding, because i basically quit a full time career at the charity of my dreams in melbourne in jan of this year and packed up my life and moved back to the country to study teaching, so it’s a nice feeling to be confident in the decision i’ve made i guess!

this was a good lil brain workout haha

i shall tag @spicycal @irwinkitten @cakesunflower @clumsyclifford @tekweela and @sexgodashton only if you fancy it, no pressure! 

hope everyone is having a lovely day! 

[sanchoyo]

I'm not sure if you want to talk about Tokyo Mew Mew among what I'm assuming is something big happening in BNHA but I'm curious. If the Guys we know ie Masaya, Ryou, Keiichiro, Kisshu, Pai, and Taruto were infused with endangered animals what would it be?

Oh I ALWAYS wanna talk abt tmm dhajdkkak ive just been busy with work and my brain can only focus on one thing at a time to be excited abt. But I will always always love tmm even if I don’t seem hyped atm 😭

So!! Here’s my headcanons for them. Giving several options bc I’m indecisive and would love to hear which people like best? :3c

Ryou- already canonly has cat dna, I always assumed it was also an iromote wildcat but an Iberian Lynx would be fun!! I love their lil ear tufts 😭

Keiichiro- red panda and I have no idea why but I feel so strongly about this one ahsksajdj no alternative just gentlemanly red panda

Aoyama- oh I have SEVERAL IDEAS for my FAVORITE TMM BOY 😤 my first gut one was to say some kind of dog (paralleling ichigos cat and his outwardly friendly/popular demeanor!!) but.. some kind of jellyfish might be fun (the SYMBOLISM. Some jellyfish being long-lived, mysterious, live in the “deep blue” LMAO maybe I just like sea creatures)

Pai- Polar bear or wolf!! Like an animal ppl usually think of as cold and smart (or if u like him/retatsu a fish would be a fun parallel! Like maybe some kind of eel?)

Tart- BUG BUG BUG he’s TINY and uses mostly plant chimeras!! Something with wings, a butterfly or smth!! Or a beeee uvu imagine the fluffy bee costume and the matchy yellow/orange scheme with pudding aaa

Kisshu- aye aye. Resemblance uncanny.

(I’m kidding, I’m kidding..................or...am I....🤔) a fox of some kind would be a good fit bc he’s mischievous and can be silly but actually really smart?? As much as a joke at his expense boy pieces things together miles before anyone. He’s clever af

Thank you for asking, this was a lot of fun to answer!! I would love to hear what other people think!! (Also, @spectralreplica has actually drawn them as mews before, so go look at that 👀)

[very-salty-popcorn]

Animal Crossing New Horizon

After Watching the Trailer and Gameplay demo I have a few thoughts on what more could be within the game. It’s clear that people have already pointed out small things that caught their eyes, but I have some theories about some of the changes and returning features in New Horizon.

(This is a long read, You were warned)

I was overjoyed when Animal Crossing: New Horizon was showcased. I was surprised when they used a voice-acted cutscene to introduce the game. After all the franchise does not typically use voice acting, which leads me to believe that what was shown in the trailer will not be in the opening scene.

While I would love to think that the opening scene plays on an airplane, I believe that the opening scene will be more along the lines of obtaining your ticket to the island, where you answer a survey where you either (and I hope) pick the features for your character, or are randomly assign features based on your answers. This opening sequence will also be where you pick the name of the island as well as the name of your character.

It’s clear that the game will utilize obtaining resources to construct much of the furniture that you use to decorate your home or island. I enjoy this change because it’ll make the game feel like your actually building up your community instead of just paying off a community service project (though I expect them to return in some fashion, I’ll elaborate a bit later). 

Obtaining DIY recipes from villagers sound like it may be a hassle, but at least you can rest assured that you’ll be able to buy them from the Nooks. Something interesting to point out is the type of things you’ll be able to make. 

Shown in the gameplay, it seems that (in the order shown) players will be able to craft, tools (shovels, fishing rod, etc), furniture, drink containers (or maybe drink concoctions?), hanging furniture (to put on walls), Wallpaper and flooring, and flower crowns (maybe even hats in general?).

The last two icons have me stumped to what they could clearly be, though if I had to guess, the hammer is either a community service project (from New Leaf) or an amenity (from Pocket Camp). The star could also be used for these, though I would guess that it would represent special items. Maybe items that you interact with (Like ballons, poppers, candy, cake, ect).

something I am glad is in the game is the what seems to be the ability to see how much of a certain material you have in your wardrobe to create an item. It seems that in this version of Animal Crossing that it’ll come in handy.

Continuing the discussion about crafting items, it seems that you may not be the only one who can. At least that’s my hunch. in the information shown to us, it seems that not only can villagers have workbenches int their homes, but they can also be seen carrying items. 

It would be great if not only animals gifted your furniture, but also the recipe for it. It would be even better if you could share recipes with other players!

Though an upgrade that villagers are clearly getting is one in style. It seems that new clothing items such as dresses will be able to be sported by your characters. I doubt that your villagers will change their outfits season, but it is a possibility. 

A new fashion sense isn’t the only thing that villagers are getting but it seems new furniture and houses are coming to Animal Crossing.

The style of the homes seems to be going back to the house from Animal Crossing: City Folk. It also seems that door decoration will be available to not only players but also villagers. As for the exterior, I believe that it will be selected by the player themselves. Not only will the player choose what the houses look like, but I also believe we will finally be able to choose the locations of the houses.

In the gameplay, we spot two tents, which aren’t really addressed at all. We also only see two villagers. These two tents can also be seen in the map (in the right bottom corner) during the gameplay demo. At first, I thought these were to be developed shops, but looking at the little sign on the right of the blue tent, it’s clear that these belonging to the villagers. Because these two tents are strangely close together (something that would almost never naturally happen in Animal Crossing: New Leaf) it leads me to believe that players will select where Villagers will live. It also shows that the island will progressively be inhabited (though you may start with 2 villagers). 

As for selecting the exterior of the homes, which lead me to believe this is the fact that we have new home exteriors. Not only do we have the wooden lodge, we also have a more beachy looking home:

The tents and home exterior also show that you’ll not only have to develop the island and build up your own home, but also the home of your villagers. 

Concerning the type of villagers that will come to inhabit your island, I believe that it will be random, though you may be able to select the villagers via amiibo cards (at least I hope, that way I can have a bunch of cute villagers). 

Homes don’t seem to be the only thing that will be in development on the island. I’m assuming that you’ll also be able to develop a central plaza. In the gameplay, we are shown a map, in the center, there is a squared (well rectangle) off area. 

It’s in this area where we can access the community center (Where Nook is) and the message board.

I believe that this area will grow as the island does. Unlocking new shops by either collecting materials or getting bells (or a combination of both). This is will act as a town square, or at the very least, the community center will grow and we’ll see some familiar faces. 

(I also want to point out that on the map, you can see the airplane, and an area in lighter green (lightly to be an area that’s alleviated and cannot be reached unless a staircase or a ladder of some sort is built)).

As for right now, it seems that besides crafting, selling, and buying things there are two other things available to you. 

First, there’s what seems to be an ATM. It’s likely to operate as a place to store your bells, but it may also function as the place to trade in your Nook Miles (if not then that may be the function of Tommy or Timmy, or maybe even Tom Nook). 

(I should mention that I feel like the Nook Miles will fully replace the badges, which sucks cause I like the badges on the player card....)

Then there’s the box, which I believe will act like a lost-and-found. I’m almost certain because the icon of a mitten (an item that is lost by Villager in Animal Crossing: New Horizon) is on the box. 

Timmy and Tommy will sell and buy items, while I think Tom Nook will function to pay off your debt and maybe even help you in developing the homes of your villagers. 

Something that I’m excited for is the return of old functions with new additions. It’s clear from the gameplay that fishing and bug catching will function the same, with the addition of bait (as discussing in the gameplay demo). While we know clams can be used as fish bait, it’s likely that honey may be used to catch bugs (obtained from flowers?).

Something that I’m not too happy about is pockets...from the demo we see a very limited pocket space, which is likely to be remedied with backpacks (or purses) but how we obtain this extra storage is unknown.

Something that is interesting to look at is the Nook Phones. Through the phone, we have access to the Camera, Nook Miles, DIY Recipes, The Map, and calling friends (for local multiplayer).  While there doesn’t seem like a lot, it’s likely that as we continue to play the game, we’ll unlock more apps for the Nook Phone or we’ll have to buy them). 

While the demo displayed the camera feature we saw the emotions the player can use, and it’s likely Dr. Shrunk will return to allow us to react even more.

Here are a few small things I noticed in the trailer besides all of the above, such as:

Fences! (no more planting hedges!)

You can move your mailbox? (or more maybe that’s just how it upgrades?). Also, look at that new exterior!

FINALLY ACTUAL DIRT PATHS (No more depending on QR codes!)

Vaulting?? (I know this isn’t a small thing, but I’m super excited! though I’m certain we’ll eventually be able to unlock bridges!)

Mushrooms! They seem to spawn naturally in the fall! (no more ugly stumps)

Finally, I fully expect certain features (such as furniture or amenities) from Animal Crossing: Pocket Camp to show up in the game, or at least we’ll see some familiar faces from the mobile game.  

Everything that I’ve written is mainly a hypothesis, so I may end up being wrong about a few things. Feel free to message me and tell me what you think or tag what you think! (It’s also likely that I missed a few things, feel free to make your own post! After all, this one seems to be long enough! haha!)

[delyth-thomas-art]

5 Things

Tagged by the wonderful @niuniente

If you get tagged in this you have to reblog this with 5 things you love about yourself that you worked hard to acheive. Like your art skills, hair, knowledge of owls, make-up, etc. Then tag 5 people.

1. It's been nearly a year since I lost my job due to my boss firing me over bringing in a sick note due to being accessed as chronically depressed / suicidal. In that time I've started up my art business again and have now managed to just about cover my bills (Thank you my loverly Patrons!), Letting me heal and return to my passion of art. Depression is still a fight I am knee deep in but with determination and the support of those around me I'm no longer drowning.

2. I've had to conquer some of my big anxiety issues to get my art off the ground. Such as using emails to contact clients, ring strangers to deal with orders and apointments and leaving the house to meet local creators.

3. I've really dived into raising a mixture of plants, both house, garden and fruit / veg. They have helped me find a satisfaction I've missed in life but also remind me too also take of myself so I don't wilt or let mental weeds sprout. My Sundew plant is my prize baby atm and currently has 3 flowering stalks.

4. I put together a Discord server to spread positivity and to help fellow arts grow and flourish, where a range of skills come together to teach each other and support one another. Recently I put together a fun weekly art challenge to bring the group together and see how we approach the brief.

I always get excited to see how everyone grows and learns.

5. I've become far more honest about myself and who I am. I spent a lot of my life shouldering expectations from family, teachers and friends. Shamed for many things I enjoyed. So I've shed those chains and dived into what I love, drawing for myself, working on my fantasy novel and playing pokemon among other things. I no longer feel ashamed being nerdy or dressing un-lady like. I'm me, and everyday I'm discovering something new to love and share.

I shall tag @shinonart @lumaris-blog-blog @cthelmax @jiko29 and @yasuohatsu

[lovebunnie]

all of them :))) ✨🌟

oh dear lord mads

Crimson - What was an event that’s shaped you to be who you are today? - i would probably say when i took my speech classes, as it really grew my love of public speaking and speech writing :>

Light Pink - Do you have stuffed animals? - yeah! i have a plush elephant, a green dinosaur, a small lamb, and a plush tweek doll from south park. they all chill with me and i love them

Blush - Are you single? - indeed i am!

Amaranth - What’s your favourite emotion? - im fond of :3 and :p

Cherry Blossom - How are you feeling right now? - kind of nervous for camp but overall really excited! and sleepy but thats unrelated

Hollywood Cerise - What are your ambitions? - i want to become a speech teacher or an english teacher and teach people how to find their voice in public speaking

Razzmatazz - Favourite TV Show? - …hannibal…

Rose - Where do you feel most comfortable? - in my room, with a laptop on my bed and my cat next to me, just fuckin Chillin

French Rose - What is your favourite flavour? - lemon!!

Cameo Pink - Favourite movie? - dead poets society, all day every day

Buff Orange - Would you consider yourself athletic? - not at fucking all. i used to be but not anymore :[

Burnt Sienna - Favourite smell? - roses and peaches. hell fucking yeah.

Melon - Do you like to dance? - sure! when i get ready in the morning and at night i dance to random music in my pajamas 

Carrot - Do you bake? - i make shit from boxed things, but from scratch no

Copper - What is your favourite kind of day? - a rainy day but not a thunderstorm and its saturday and i just got out of work and i have lots of money from it :3

 Orangeade - When do you feel alive? - gonna keep it real with u, i cant really remember the last time i felt really alive. im just kinda here exisiting 

Gamboge - Where do you want to travel? - id love to go to europe or back to san francisco or new york city!!

Peach - Favourite texture/s? - lace…

Vermillion - How brave are you? - not brave at all! im such a coward!

Bittersweet Shimmer - What is your favourite memory? - when my best friend visited from maryland and we hung out all day. thats the first that comes to mind.

Flax - Do you like going to the beach? - i fucking hate the beach

Wheat - Who can you trust the most? - i have a lot of trust issues but i really honestly can trust my best friend irl, @sarkisianns, and @g0bbleb0ners. i luv dem.

Laser Lemon - What kind of phone do you have? - an iphone 6

Gold - Are you high maintenance? - i cant really say for sure but like, probably yeah im a mess

Mellow Yellow - How calm are you? - im never calm literally ever i have an anxiety disorder

Unmellow Yellow - How high energy are you? - i used to be super high energy but recently ive been tired all the time :[

Papaya Whip - How honest are you? - i try to be as honest as humanly possible. i see honesty as the best way to go always, no matter what.

Transparent Yellow - Would you consider yourself to be special? - id like to imagine i am but honestly probably not

Canary - Favourite song? - atm its souk eye by gorillaz, but in the past its been ‘american pie’ and ‘viva la vida’

Reed Yellow - Do you play an instrument? - used to play drums, but not anymore! so no

Pear - Where do you feel rested? - in bed

Olive - What is your favourite food? - sushi is mmy fav its yummy

Fern - Favourite plant? - roses!!!!!!!

Moss - Are you quiet or loud? - depends on who you are. if i know u, i never shut up. if we dont know each other, im really silent. 

Tea green - How do you relax? - i try to sleep or i watch drew gooden on youtube

Celadon - Dream job? - in a perfect world? speech writer or professional public speaker 

Harlequin - Can you act? - im not really a theatre kid, but i am taking theatre next year so like who knows maybe ill find my calling

Malachite - Do you speak more than one language? - god i WISH but no

Mantis - Favourite animal? - kitties or sloths :3

Seafoam Green - Do you like water? - i fucking love it so much if i didnt have it, id LITERALLY die

Sky Blue - Would you ever want to fly? - sure! then id never have to drive which is ideal

Periwinkle - Would you want to breathe underwater? - yeah why not

Powder Blue - Or control the weather? - prob not i wouldnt know what is best for all the plants so i might kill them. but maybe to move all the hurricanes so no one dies……… yeah lets do that

Liberty - Become the president/prime minister? - id rather be shot in the chest

Space Cadet - Become an astronaut? - even tho i was known as ‘space kid’, space is terrifying so no thank u

Celeste (lol it me) - Have perfect pitch? - nah i like singing badly

Eton Blue - Become invisible? - YES PLEASE!!!!

Indigo - Become immortal? - no thanks, i dont want to see my mom die ever

Iris - Grow plants at will? - ROSES EVERYWHERE!!!!! THATS THE DREAM!!!!!!

Whispering Blue - Or teleport? - HELL YES!!!

Lilac - Would you want kids? - no way no how

Lavender - What is your favourite time of day? - early morning with the soft sunrise!!

Mulberry - Could you betray someone? - this is ominous as fuck but probably…. not… i mean, id like to think i couldnt

Eminence - Favourite sounds? - music and my kitty purring and making my friends laugh :3

Palatinate - Do you think you’ll make it to 100 years old? - probably not lbr

Prune - Do you ever think about dying? - everytime i enter a car or a movie theatre or walk alone i think about dying

Fandango - Do you spontaneously start singing sometimes? - YES. ITS MAGICAL

Thistle - If you could become wise, rich, or intelligent, which would you rather? - rich so i could give money to people who need it since rich people refuse to fucking do it

Mauve - What would you name your kids/pets? - id name a cat neil and a ferret either milo or bilbo

Royal Purple - What’s your favourite emotion? - …happiness…?

Cream - If you had 1 day left to live, what would you do? - probably sit in my bed and sob uncontrollably

 Silver - Are you a good person? - i dont think so, no

Ecru - How do you feel about the world today? - i think its in a very scary place rn and sometimes its hard to see good but if u look or it, it will always be there

Auburn - Favourite colour? - pink or red :p

White - Do you own lots of makeup? - i wish i owned more but im terrible at makeup so not really no 

Black - What is the greatest success of your life so far? - probably getting my blackbelt

Bronze - Would you follow my blog? - u silly goose….. i already AM!!! :DPink Nectar - What’s your aesthetic? - roses and peaches and softness and angels and sunshine and heart shaped objects and kitties and everything girly and delicate 

Sepia - Do you like photography? - sure! but im bad at it but i like looking at it

[taibu]

Genyatta - KARAOKE MAYHEM 2.0 (Genyatta Week 2018 - Day 1)

Well! Here we are! Let’s hope I’m doing this right haha! Super long and really badly written, sorry. But my arm was literally falling off near the end so I needed to finish it fast! Enjoy!

WARNING: VERY fluffy. Like. Holy fuck. Obviously gay shit. OOC mostly because I'm still new to the franchise haha. Also headcanons. Loooads of them. Mostly for Zenyatta tho.

Other things to note: Most characters not seen in this fic are either working for the Talon or haven't joined Overwatch yet, or in some cases are just away atm. Mostly because I can't be fucked to add them ALL in the fic, there is like, gazillion of them, Jesus. I'm already pulling my hair with the amount I have uuuugh Iris embrace me...

Oh! Here’s also a Youtube-playlist to all the songs used in this fic! Listen to it for effect! 

OVERWATCH - KARAOKE MAYHEM 2.0

"Seriously?" Genji asked, lowering the paper Hana had just handed him. "Yup!" Tracer chirped, jumping a bit. "I thought it would be fun to do something for the coming New Year and what better way than to revive the good old Karaoke Mayhem!" Genji let out a groan and threw his head back over-dramatically. Zenyatta, gently floating next to him, chuckled warmly as he took the paper handed to him. It was an invitation to the party Tracer had named Karaoke Mayhem back in the good old days of Overwatch. It had been when Genji was in Blackwatch, still young and hateful towards life, vengeful against his brother, lost and lonely. Back then he had stayed in the party just for the free drinks and snack, but as McCree had started singing Cotton Eye Joe he had locked himself in his room to brood. And McCree had been the THIRD to sing. But now things were different. Genji had found piece, he was full of life, and his relationship with his brother was getting better by the day now that Hanzo too worked to Overwatch. He mostly showed negative emotions for humoristic effect. But part of him still begged him to only go for the free food and NOT to sing anything. "It's a completely free-for-all experience!" Lúcio said. "I know there are some who will refuse to sing at all, but the invitation is always open and we have the whole night to use! So if you change your mind about wanting to participate of the stage, just hit me up and I'll find the songs ya need!" "The earlier you make your choice, the better, but no pressure!" Hana giggled. The tree said hasty byes to the two omnics as they still needed to give the invitations to many other members and to plaster the posters reminding everyone of the party in every free space on the walls. "Last time I wasn't able to enjoy any of it, mostly due my own discomfort with myself..." Genji said as he looked at the invitation, printed on bright pink paper, probably designed by D.Va. "What was the other reason then?" Zenyatta asked, folding his own invitation neatly and putting it in his pocket. "McCree's singing." Genji said with a smirk that was hidden by his mask, but Zenyatta laughed warmly which made Genji's heart flutter. "Well hopefully you'll stay long enough for my performance!" the monk said calmly, with a hint of excitement in his voice. "Whoa! You're going to sing, master?" Genji asked, positively surprised. He had known Zenyatta would participate, mostly to spent time with the team, but to actually go on the stage and sing? That made Genji's mind go all wild. He had never heard Zenyatta sing, and they had been spending a LOT of time together since they first met, and more now that they were with Overwatch. They trained together, their rooms were next to each other, they meditated every day for hours, Zenyatta would join the team in the cafeteria despite not needing to eat himself... yet not once had Genji heard his master more than hum occasionally when tending his plants or when cleaning. The thought of Zenyatta's warm and calm voice bursting into a full on song made Genji's legs shake. "Why yes! I am planning to. Just one song though. I'm quite rusty after not doing it for a while, but it will feel good to use my voice for it's original purpose after such a long time..." Zenyatta said, holding his hands together on his chest, clearly exited, despite his voice being so calm. "It's original purpose?" Genji asked. Zenyatta had mentioned that he was originally made into a worker for a restaurant, thus his calm and collected composure and lean and sleek build. He, and his late brother, had been replaced with the newer models soon tho and were abandoned, thus giving them all their time to experience tranquility. But where would Zenyatta need a good voice for if he was just a waiter? As if he was reading Genji's thoughts, Zenyatta answered: "Serving wasn't the only job I had in the good old joint... I also had to provide our guests with entertainment on occasion." "So you used to sing to them?" Genji asked, sitting in a lotus-position on the ground in front of his master to show that he was interested enough to sit and wait for the omnic to finish the story. Zenyatta floated slowly down until his body touched the ground. "Indeed. There was a stage in the restaurant where me and my brother often gave our best performances to our visitors. Many found it quite enjoyable. I had few admirers too!" Zenyatta let out a chuckle. "A young girl with short blonde hair once even asked for my autograph! I didn't have a name back then, so I just gave her a serial-number." Genji laughed, it seemed he wasn't the only fan his master had. "Did you enjoy it? Performing, that is?" he asked. Zenyatta let out what could have been seen as a happy sigh if he was a human. "Yes. Very much. Part of me misses it..." "Though not everyone found it that amazing. Some just didn't like omnics, but many also said that we were just build to spout songs out of our systems. That is not true though. Just like with humans, you need more than a good voice to sing! You also need to understand rhythm, leveling your voice, pitch... It takes some time to learn. Luckily I had all the time to learn in the kitchen while washing the dishes for the evening. My then boss heard me, and actually complimented me! Next week he pulled me off my own duty to cover for a singer who's voice-box had overheated suddenly. After that, I sang every once in a while to our guests." Zenyatta let out another sigh. "I... kinda miss those days." He lifted his hands in his lap, staring at them. "The late nights of me alone in the kitchen cleaning and singing to myself. My somber and dramatic performances. The "Happy Birthdays" I would sing to the children. The performances I would pull off with my dear Brother to make our guests laugh... I wish you could have heard him, Genji. Mondatta's voice was truly something else. If his speeches gathered crowds, his singing would have brought the world together in an instant!" Genji wanted to take Zenyatta's hand in his own. The omnic very rarely spoke of his late brother, especially like this. Last time the conversation had turned to Zenyatta overheating and hiccuping, only to excuse himself and lock himself in his room. Genji didn't know if Omnics could cry, but he was sure that was what Zenyatta had been doing for the following hours. Loosing Mondatta had been a huge blow to him. And Genji understood him perfectly. When his mother and father had died he had felt the same. Instead Genji decided to hold his hand on his master's shoulder instead. "I'm sure I would have enjoyed his performance greatly." he assured his master. Zenyatta lifted his head a bit, and even if he was physically unable to, Genji was sure the omnic was smiling to him. "What about you, my student? Will I find you on the stage as well?" he asked then, clearly ready to not think about his only family-member he had lost so painfully. Genji was taken back by the question. "Ah, I don't know... I've been in karaokes before, in my youth, but Hanzo said I sound like a dying whale when I sing..." Zenyatta laughed warmly. "That would be spirit-lifting!" "I suppose. And embarrassing." Genji sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. "But... If I got few laughs out of people, it would be worth it!" Genji meant to say "few laughs out of YOU" but changed it last second, not wanting to seem too forward to his master. "I'm glad you think of everyone else before yourself, Genji!" Zenyatta chimed. "It only proves your progress. I'm proud of you, Sparrow" Genji felt butterflies in his stomach as he heard those words. Zenyatta had told him he was proud of Genji before, but every time was more magical than the last. Genji was glad he had his visor on, otherwise Zenyatta would have seen the deep red shade his face took on these words. He simply bowed a bit and muttered a hasty "thank you master". --- Rest of the day Genji walked around base and thought about his master. His sensual voice bending into rhythm of the music and finding the perfect pitch for every word. But no matter how hard he tried he could not imagine it. He had to hear it. And he would, in few days. But the wait felt abysmal... "Yo! Genji!" Cyborg turned to see Lúcio skate to him, carrying something that seemed like musical equipment. "Yo!" Genji said waving his hand. They would have done a high-five but Lúcio's hands were too full for that. "You seem busy with the preparations." ninja said as he started walking alongside his friend. "Yup! I've been keeping track of everyone's music-requests, putting up lights, preparing the back-drops... Now I'm little worried we won't get everything done before the big day!" Lúcio huffed. "If there is anything I can do, please ask!" Genji said. He needed something to do anyway, he might as well help his friend in need. Genji found that working with Lúcio, Lena and Hana was more play than work. Everything was a race with Hana, Lúcio would spew out jokes and give them appropriate music to work for and Lena just had that halo of happiness that shone wherever she went. Genji let out a content sigh. He was happy for friends like these. He felt bad for acting the way he did in the past, and would work his way to be better person for everyone! But he would not be this way without his master... At one point Genji saw his master talking with Lúcio. He thought about going and saying hi, but saw that their matter seemed personal, and concerted on his work, or at least tried to. Twenty minutes later Lúcio returned to the others, reading trough the notes he had taken when talking to Zenyatta. "Your master sure knows what he wants from his show!" Lúcio said, flipping the book close and stuffing it in his pocket. "I hope he isn't too demanding?" Genji said, laying down a box filled with old microphones. "Not at all! I actually prefer people who know exactly what they want and need. It helps preparations a big time!" the ebony man said, smiling. The four then started testing the mics. They needed multiple, some for people who wanted to sing together, some in case some would break during the mayhem itself. They got seven working mics and threw the rest in Lúcio's room for spare-parts. "So what about you, ninja-boy?" Lúcio asked once they were walking back to the stage. "Are ya gonna sing?" Genji chuckled. "I've never had such a good voice... Ask Hanzo." "Dude, he's your brother! Of course he would think you sound like a stuffed elephant! Maybe you're just little... rusty." Lúcio snickered, gently elbowing Genji's arm. Genji let out a wholehearted laugh. Just few years before, he would have strangled Lúcio for making fun of his looks, but Genji was okay with his new body now. He knew Lúcio didn't mean to make him feel uncomfortable, and if he ever did, he would be sure to apologize in a heartbeat. Zenyatta had told Genji that in order to learn how to truly laugh, you first needed to learn to laugh at yourself. "Maybe so. Want to help me wash it off?" the cyborg asked. "Sure man! And if you're more comfortable with your local songs, just ask and I'll find them for ya!" "Sounds like a plan!" --- Last few days Genji helped his friends to put up the stage, and they got it done just in time. In between preparations, Lúcio would give Genji some voice-training. He helped Genji to find a good pitch for his voice, follow the rhythm and even some sick dance-moves. Hana and Lena were an excellent audience, giving cheers as he did something right, and laughing wholeheartedly when he missed a mark or made a funny noise, most just to make the girls laugh. Lúcio was a great teacher. Patient and filled with optimism. It filled Genji with a feeling he could only describe as friendship. Genji would think of his old "friends" he had in school. Most were jerks that only wanted to hang out with a rich kid. Rest were ass-kissers and air-headed cheerleaders Genji kept around for looks. He had never had this much fun with other people, not even his own brother when they were kids. And it made him feel safe and content. "You're making good progress, bro!" Lúcio chimed happily. "Tho in my opinion you still need some practice to be perfect. Unfortunately we don't have time to perfect your act before the big moment, but I know you'll do great none the less!" "All thanks to you, man!" Genji said, lifting his hand and Lúcio high-fiving him gladly. He then looked behind Genji and chimed a quick hello to someone, running past the cyborg. Genji turned around to see that Zenyatta had entered the room, carrying a box of some kind. He whispered few words to Lúcio, who smiled and nodded, taking the box. Zenyatta waved a quick goodbye to Genji and the girls and left as swiftly as he had entered. "So when you gonna tell 'im, luv?" Tracer asked suddenly. "Hmh?" Genji hummed, barely turning his head. "You know. That you like him?" D.Va added, smirking. "Who?" Genji asked, confused. "Zenyatta!" both girls and Lúcio who had walked to them shouted. "WHAT!?" Genji felt his voice glitch with surprise. "How do you- I mean when- I mean-" "Genji. Buddy. Everyone knows." Lúcio said, holding the box on one hand and landing other on the cyborg's shoulder. "Everyone expect Zenny apparently." Hana giggled. "How... long have you..?" Genji stuttered. "Ever since you almost took a bullet for 'im on a mission." Lena said. "Ever since you gave him, "The look" to him on the dinner on my first week here." Hana said. "Ever since ya put so much effort into your new move just to make 'im proud." Lúcio said. Genji let out some steam from his seams. "Tho-those could all be seen as platonic things, you know!?" "The fact you said "could" kinda sealed the deal, luv." Tracer said, landing her hand on Genji's arm. Genji groaned and slumped on the near by sofa. Lúcio took the box under his desk and joined him and the girls on the sofa soon after. "So. When?" Hana continued where they started. "Never. He's too good for me." Genji said matter of factually. "What!? Luv! You're perfect for 'im!" Lena gasped. "He is calm, collected, sweet, you're loyal, brave and strong! You complete each other!" "Lena's right, dude. Besides, I'm sure he likes you just as much!" Lúcio said. "Really?" Genji asked, trying to keep another puff of steam in, failing. "Well I mean... I can't really read 'im, no face and all that, but he talks about ya a lot!" he answered. "True! Every time I talk to him he says how proud he is of you!" Hana chimed in. "Yup! Even when the conversation has NOTHIN' to do with you!" Lena laughed. Genji let out another puff of steam to hold himself from overheating. Zenyatta... really liked him back? He could scream. Indeed, he might actually just do that! "Who talks about who?" Hanzo's voice chimed in just when Genji was about to let out a glitched scream of excitement. "Zenny about Genji." Hana answered. "Ah, that. Yeah, he does. A lot." Hanzo sighed, rolling his eyes. Even Hanzo confirmed it! Genji no longer felt like screaming, he felt like crying. With happiness. "What, we talkin' 'bout Zenny and Genji-boy?" McCree asked walking in. Where did all of these people keep coming in!? "Yup." Hanzo simply said. McCree laughed hard. "It is a surprise ya'll aren't all over each other yet! He totally has a thing for you, partner!" Now Genji didn't know what to feel. Happiness, embarrassment, annoyance, glee... It all manifested with a steady stream of steam that finally escaped his vents and a deep sigh. "So... not planning on telling him?" Lúcio asked, landing his hand on the cooling shoulder of the cyborg. "I don't know anymore... I just... want him to be happy. I want to make him laugh. I want to... make sure he lives every day of his life in bliss..." Genji sighed. Thinking about Zenyatta and his warm voice, his cute laugh and sweet embrace made Genji momentary forget where he was, but luckily for him, he was surrounded by friends and family who were happy for him. "By the dragons, you ARE in love!" Hanzo exhaled with clear surprise in his voice, but soon smiled and put his little brother in a arm-lock. "And here I thought I'd never see the day you settle down!" Hanzo laughed, ruffling his brother's hair gently. Genji was surprised of his brother's sudden showing of love, but took it gladly. "I think you should tell 'im, luv. I'm sure he would like it a lot." Tracer giggled, glad to see the two brothers so close all of the sudden. "I know. But... I'm not sure how yet..." Genji said as Hanzo finally let him go. "You could do it in the Karaoke Mayhem! With a help of a song!" Hana nearly squeaked. "Oh God no!" Hanzo yelled, over-dramatically. "Zenyatta's audio receptors will burst!" "Hey man! Genji's gotten better with his voice by the day! He may not be perfect, but at least Zen won't need to be repaired right after!" Lúcio chimed in, putting his hands around Genji's shoulders proud of his work. "Still, I think a song would be bit... over-dramatic..." Hanzo said more seriously. "No it would not! It would be romantic!" Hana giggled, stars in her eyes. "I would love if someone I liked sang to me!" "You're a romantic tho." McCree said. "Zenyatta is more... down to earth. I'm sure just stating yer feelings will be enough to 'im!" "You blokes are boring!" Lena scoffed. "But Genji, it's your call. Sing to him or don't, that's your choice to make, luv." Genji thought about it a long while. Finally he laughed a bit. "I'll tell him of my feelings, but not with a song. I... want to think about this trough with more time. I want it to be perfect. For now, I only want to make him laugh and enjoy himself." cyborg finally said. He looked at Lúcio with a smirk under his visor. "I know what song I'm going to sing at the party. Will you help me with the backdrops?" "Ya don't even need to ask, my dude." Lúcio said, smiling widely. --- The evening begun with a low techno-tones booming from the speakers as people started gathering in one by one. Lúcio visited each, welcoming them and asking one last additions to their performances, possible song-changes etc. Tracer flashed around making sure everyone had enough drinks and snacks, and D.Va paced around both exited and nervous of her performances. She had taken two songs, one at the very beginning, one near the end. Genji's turn was around the middle, just before Hanzo, and the two brothers, sharing table with McCree, tried to guess each other's songs. Genji was glad none of their guesses were right. When it came time to guess McCree's song, both brothers simply looked at each other knowingly. McCree laughed and tried to convince them that Cotton Eye Joe was not his choice for the first song this time, and although Hanzo let out a sigh of relief, Genji knew Jesse better than that. When Zenyatta arrived, Genji waved to him and invited him to sit with them. Zenyatta complied happily floating in the chair next to Genji. "It's good to see you in such good spirits tonight my student." the omnic said happily, talking bit louder than usual to make his voice audible over the rumble of the techno. "I can't help it! We've made such an effort for this to be as perfect as we can, the least we can do is to enjoy it ourselves!" Genji laughed, and was delighted to hear Zenyatta join him. "I suppose you're right. Although I must confess I feel bit jealous of you friends who got to spend so much time with you during these few days." the omnic then said. Genji felt flustered. Zenyatta was... jealous? For him? He then realized that during the last three days he had been spending less and less time with his master, in helping his friends and the singing lessons from Lúcio. He barely had time for their daily meditation. "I'm sorry I've left you alone like that, master. I never realized our time together meant so much to you..." Genji said, leaning closer that Hanzo and McCree, engaged in a heated debate over which was better; sake or beer, would not hear them. "Don't apologize, my sparrow." Omnic said, clearly smiling despite the lack of mouth. "It has been a bliss to watch you interact with your friends. I'm glad that you share your friendship with other people as well and not just you old boring master." Genji blushed. He wanted to tell his master that he would always have time for the omnic, that spending time with him was such a bliss he would never trade it to anything else, that his master was the only one he let see his most hidden things of his personality... but he took a silent breath and simply replied: "You are far from boring, or old, master. You're ten years YOUNGER than me." Zenyatta laughed again, but before he could answer, they were interrupted by Lúcio stepping on the stage with a mic. "Thank you all so much for comin' to the Karaoke Mayhem 2.0!" he chimed, followed by a wave of applause. "The list of the performances is on the wall over there" he pointed at the wall near the tables "so feel free to get yourself ready for your own while you wait. For now, let's stop talking and start singing!" Applause again. Before they died off, Lúcio, deepening his voice a bit, mumbled in the mic: "Ladies and gentlemen... It's Mambo N. 5!" Cheers followed as a familiar song started to play off the speakers. Lúcio sang with his great voice, making dance-moves that would have seen impossible for any other person. As the chorus came, they soon noticed he had changed the lyrics a tad bit... "A little bit of Angela in my life A little bit of Mei by my side A little bit of Lena is all I need A little bit of D.Va is what I see A little bit of Zarya in the sun A little bit of Ana all night long A little bit of Fareeha here I am A little bit of you makes me your man" Everyone cheered and laughed, all the girls in the base having a different reactions to their names coming up in the song. Mercy blushed, Mei even harder, Tracer laughed and gave a thumbs-up, Hana, who was recording the performance with her phone simply smiled, Zarya gave a cheeky smile and took a sip of her drink, Ana gave the man a toast, Pharah covered her face embarrassed. There was a huge roar of cheers and applause as Lúcio finished, bowing. Hana was next. Much more braver than before, she jumped on the stage and a jumpy K-pop-song started booming from the speakers. Hana's high-pitched voice started singing in Korea some song Genji had never heard but enjoyed none the less. Next up was Tracer. She flashed on the stage and laughed. Soon the familiar beat of "Wannabe" started playing and everyone cheered again. Lena would flash back and forth in time, singing the whole song by herself, using different pitches for each spice, sometimes Genji would swear he saw more than one Tracer on the stage at once, but cheered for her like everyone else did. Next up was Fareeha who sang her version of Cher's Believe. Her performance was not as jumpy as the three others, but it was a nice change of pace after so many exiting songs. McCree was next, and Genji was little surprised that he was singing Country Road instead of Cotton Eye Joe. But everyone seemed slightly disappointed when he didn't. Not that they said it out loud. Reinhardt was next and he sang an old German ballad, tearing up at the end so much he could hardly breath anymore. Genji could feel the old-timely nostalgia the crusader must have felt when singing and found himself misty eyed as well. He clapped to Reinhardt louder than the others so far. Winston was next, and sang Man on the Moon. Knowing Winston's past with the said space-rock, it gave his song a nice twist of irony. Tracer had her second turn after that, singing MMMBop, now much more calm performance, jumpy and happy yes, but without flashes between time and space. Genji was little shocked to see his name pop up next on the big screen. He got up, embraced the cheers and applause he received, and jumped on the stage, taking the mic from Tracer who winked at him. She must have heard from Lúcio what he was about to sing. He nodded at the ebony man, who turned his music on, and the lights off. When the ambient chimed in, some "woo"-ed a little, recognizing the classic instantly. It wasn't until the electric voice on the background first sang "Domo arigatou, Mr. Roboto" did Hanzo groan so loud it almost drowned the music. Genji smiled under his mask, and started the song. Thankfully the song didn't require amazing voice or perfect pitch, so he went overboard and acted out and dramatically on the stage, making everyone laugh. Except Hanzo who had hidden his face in his hands in shame for his blood-relative. With those cheers and laughs Genji heard his master's voice. The omnic would have dropped from his chair if he wasn't floating. That made Genji so happy he finished the song with as grace he had left, replacing the ending's "I'm Killroy"s with "I'm Genji!"s. Everyone cheered and clapped, Zenyatta even getting on his feel and standing to applause him. Genji was beaming under his visor. He had made his master laugh. His night could not get any better than this... "That was delightful, Genji!" Zenyatta said as Genji sat back on his spot between him and Hanzo, who still was hiding his face. "I didn't think you'd do it, but darn it boy, you did!" McCree chimed in. "I have no brother." Hanzo muttered getting up and making his way to the stage. Hanzo's song was much more serious than his brothers at least. Genji didn't remember the name of the song, but he recognized it as the same their father had often sang while driving, cooking or having a drink with friends. Tho Hanzo sounded much like their father (let alone LOOKED like him), Hanzo's tone was much more serious, somber, sad almost. Genji didn't even notice the tears that made their way down his face until Hanzo finally finished to the sound of loud applause. "At least one of us has some dignity left." he then said, sitting down on his place and taking his drink. Genji laughed a bit, noticing his voice cracking a bit. Hanzo noticed this and watched as his brother took of his visor to clean off the tears. "It's the song father used to sing, wasn't it?" Genji asked, still cleaning his face, Zenyatta handing him a tissue, wherever he pulled it from. Hanzo hummed and nodded. The elder brother smiled just a bit as he wrapped his arm around his younger brother's shoulder. "Didn't mean to make you cry tho." he said, almost as an apology as Mei began Donna Summer's Power of One with her meek and quiet voice. "You didn't. I got dust in my eyes." Genji lied, knowing he would not be believed. Hanzo laughed just a bit, holding his brother closer. Genji smiled back, his face exposed now and putting his mask on the table. With a content sigh he listened to Mei sing, getting braver by the word, soon going so strong and high that she seemed like a completely different person. If he wasn't so fixated on watching Mei's performance, he would have noticed how Zenyatta was looking at him, head bend slightly to the left, shoulders up, as if he was smiling... Angela and Zarya had almost refused to sing, Mercy due being embarrassed, Zarya because she didn't care, but Ana had been able to coax them into singing "I feel like a woman" with her, and all three seemed to enjoy the experience quite a lot, even having a group hug at the end. Maybe it was just because both Ana and Zarya were bit drunk and Mercy was just happy she had sang after all, or maybe the girls had forged a whole new friendship on the stage, Genji was eager to see. Ana's second turn was right after her first, and she embarassed her daughter by Singing Meredith Brook's "I'm a Bitch". Everyone else found it quite fitting however. Lucio would then sing one of his first singles, getting everyone pumped up again. Barely after Lúcio had finished, a familiar sound of bass started blasting off the speakers. Hana was standing on the stage soon, singing one of the most well known songs of her homeland. Gangnam Style. Most of the watchers got up to dance with her while Hana used her chirpy voice to make even Hanzo smile, despite no-one having any idea what she was saying. The beat and Hana's dancing was enough to get them pumped up. Even Genji got up to dance, and pulled Zenyatta to dance with him. The omnic was bit confused at first, but soon danced in perfect sync with his student. All too soon the song was over. When the party people finally calmed down, Genji saw Zenyatta's name pop up on the screen. His heart missed a beat. He had almost forgotten that his master would be singing too! And he had already thought his night would not get any better... Zenyatta's motor whirred louder than usual, and the omnic slowly got up, checking on his robes to make sure they were straight, and levitating his orbs on the table. "Watch over them while I'm on the stage, Genji." he whispered to him, making his way to to Lúcio who was holding the mic for him while everyone else cheered. Genji watched Lúcio whisper one last thing in Zenyatta's audio receptor, the Omnic nodding and taking the mic, slightly bowing. Ebony man bowed back and made his way back behind his desk. Zenyatta turned to face the crowd, seemingly eager to get to singing again. Genji didn't notice how he was at the edge of his seat, holding his breath. Slowly the lights dimmed to almost none at all, the only thing making light was Zenyatta's forehead-lights with their cold blue gleam. Silently the music started, and Genji recognized it soon as Owl City's Fireflies. Every time a little chime ringed in the song, the backdrop showed a colorful flash, adding more and more, until the room was filled with light. As the song kicked up, Zenyatta brought the mic to his face... and sang. "You would not believe your eyes If ten million fireflies Lit up the world as I fell asleep 'Cause they fill the open air And leave teardrops everywhere You'd think me rude but I would just stand and stare" As the omnic's synthetic voice calmly made out the vocals of the song, Genji felt shivers on his back. Master's voice was... like that feeling you get when you see snow for the first time in your life, or when a bird lands on your hand to feed of the bread-scrums you're giving it, or when the first gleam of sun breaks its way trough the clouds after a rainfall. He watched the slow, subtle movements Zenyatta made while singing. Those small moves that were in perfect synch with the rhythm of the song. "I'd like to make myself believe that planet earth turns slowly It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep 'Cause everything is never as it seems" The first chorus was sang quietly, almost as a whisper. Whisper Genji wanted to believe was only for him. Just to his ears. "'Cause I'd get a thousand hugs From ten thousand lightning bugs As they tried to teach me how to dance A foxtrot above my head A sock hop beneath my bed A disco ball is just hanging by a thread" The second verse was much more pumping that the first one, Zenyatta moving much more openly, almost like he was dancing to the beat. Genji beamed, watching his master enjoy every step he took, every word he sang, every movement he made in the rhythm of the song... Genji knew that the second chorus was louder, almost booming, knowing it would be the "Wow"-moment of the song. Genji held his breath and waited to see what would happen. He noticed Lúcio bending under the counter and opening the box Zenyatta had given him earlier that day. What came out made more than just Genji gasp in awe. "I'd like to make myself believe That planet Earth turns slowly It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep 'Cause everything is never as it seems (when I fall asleep)" From the box, thousands of small balls of light flew out, surrounding Zenyatta like fireflies he was singing of. They circled him like the orbs he had left behind just moments ago. Genji looked up to them fly around the room, and around the audience, gasping with wonder. As one landed on his nose, Genji saw that it indeed WAS a orb, just much, much smaller than the ones resting on the table right now. The light came from the shining symbols carved on them with great care. Genji wondered how long it had taken Zenyatta to make all of them, and where he had gotten the materials. He then noticed Mercy whisper something to Ana. Genji wasn't as good reading lips as Hanzo was, but he thought he saw her say "It took many hours to finish these little buggers. I'm glad they turned out so well!" Genji smiled. Of course. Angela would seem like a person with time, know-how and materials to help Zenyatta make all of these little things. "Leave my door open just a crack (Please take me away from here) 'Cause I feel like such an insomniac (Please take me away from here) Why do I tire of counting sheep? (Please take me away from here) When I'm far too tired to fall asleep (Haha)" The song went back to calm and collected again, Zenyatta now returning back to his more subtle ways of movement, interacting with the "fireflies" around him. All of the echoed lyrics in the background had a woman singing in them, and for a moment Genji though he could recognize the voice... But he brushed it off his mind as Zenyatta turned to face him on the stage. "To ten million fireflies I'm weird 'cause I hate goodbyes I got misty eyes as they said farewell But I'll know where several are If my dreams get real bizarre 'Cause I saved a few and I keep them in a jar" All throughout the verse, Zenyatta was staring straight at Genji, face expressionless, but voice with a slight hint of thousand feelings all mixed into one. Pride, happiness, sadness, glee... Genji was only half listening to the words themselves and just staring at the Omnic with wide eyes and a gentle smile on his face. Zenyatta was singing JUST FOR HIM right now... those words were just for him to hear. Now the things everyone had told him were confirmed to be true. Zenyatta did have feelings for him. Genji felt his heart burst with joy as Zenyatta turned back to the other audience to finish the last chorus. "I'd like to make myself believe That planet Earth turns slowly It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep 'Cause everything is never as it seems (when I fall asleep) I'd like to make myself believe That planet Earth turns slowly It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep 'Cause everything is never as it seems (when I fall asleep) I'd like to make myself believe That planet Earth turns slowly It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep Because my dreams are bursting at the seams" As the last words disappeared into the night, Genji found himself standing and applauding as hard as he could, alongside everyone else on the base, cheering and whistling to the most amazing performance they had seen in a while. Even Zarya smiled and gave few genuine claps and a toast to the Omnic. Zenyatta simply bowed and thanked everyone on the mic before handing it to Lúcio. "Master... that was... absolutely amazing!" Genji gasped, taking the omnic's hands in his own without even realizing it first. "Thank you Genji. Your words mean a lot to me." Zenyatta said, sounding bit winded. He quietly squeezed Genji's hand, making the other notice he was indeed holding them, and quietly freed his other, waving it few times, gathering all the wandering orbs and retreating them back to their box. After he was done, he took a deep breath and sat down. Controlling all of those small orbs at once must have taken some wind out of him, Genji though, sitting back to his place. Hanzo smiled warmly at his brother, seeing how he was still holding on to his master's hand. But McCree had disappeared. "Thank ya all for coming tonight! You all made this night amazing!" Lúcio spoke to everyone trough the mic, and everyone cheered. "Now feel free to stay behind and enjoy the great company! But before we wrap the karaoke-portion of this night up, there is still one more song we have to hear for this party to truly be seen as a Overwatch's Karaoke Mayhem!" he continued, smirking. Genji put two and two together; McCree was nowhere to be seen, and there was still one more song to. "Nooooo" he groaned. And just few seconds later, Lúcio jumped off the stage and McCree's voice started residing the well known words of Cotton Eye Joe. The crowd either groaning, laughing or cheering with tears in their eyes. Some were happy to hear Jesse's gravely voice sing the old classic, and some could not believe he actually did it. Genji turned to Hanzo just to see him mouth "We're done!" to Jesse. It happened to be a silent moment in to song and McCree mouthed away from the mic "But baby, I love you!" looking heartbroken. Hanzo simply blushed and looked away. Genji felt a wash of realization over him. How Hanzo and McCree spend most of their time together nowadays, how Hanzo interacted with the cowboy much more different than anyone he knew, how they even spend most time in this party! Genji almost threw himself to Hanzo to hug him and tell him how happy he was for his brother, when Zenyatta tugged his arm. "Can I speak with you in private?" He whispered. Genji's heart skipped a beat. "Sure." he muttered, as they left McCree finish the song and Hanzo to blush. --- "I can't believe I didn't notice before!" Genji gasped as they walked outside the base, the faint ending notes of Cotton Eye Joe on the background. "Notice what?" Zenyatta asked. "Hanzo and Jesse! They've been together this whole time! And I didn't notice until now! Haha!" Genji laughed, grabbing Zenyatta from his waist and twirling them around a bit. Zenyatta yelped, but laughed them as Genji let him down embarased. "Sorry. I'm just so happy for them! Jesse was my best friend back in the Blackwatch days and Hanzo... well, is my brother! And I thought he would never find anyone he would be happy with! And they are perfect for each other!" cyborg said, walking around, not able to keep himself still. "Hanzo is serious, loyal and smart, but bit too grumpy at the times. Jesse is funny, laid back and strong willed, but has a bad habit of forgetting to work before play! They are made for each other!" Zenyatta chuckled. "I'm glad to see you so happy for your brother and friend. It really warms my motor to see you so happy for someone else." "Haha, about time I suppose..." Genji laughed, stopping his pacing to face his master. He took a silent breath. This was it. He didn't care anymore! He would tell his master his feelings, here and now! All he needed was an opening... "So. What did you want to talk with me?" Genji asked, taking Zenyatta's hands in his own again. Zenyatta sighed happily, lowering his face a bit, as to smile. But he lifted his head soon and said: "You're ready Genji." "Ready?" Genji asked. "Ready to face the world as who you are. You are happy, you are one with your new body, you have friends and your relationship with your brother can only get better from here. You're ready now." Zenyatta said, happily. But then he lowered his face again. This time he wasn't smiling. "You... don't need my teachings anymore. I... have no more to teach you. You're... ready." Genji felt his heart sink. THIS was what Zenyatta wanted to tell him? That he was no longer the cyborg's master!? Genji felt his breath shorten, and only then remembered that his mask was still on the table alongside Zenyatta's orbs. "Ma... Master?" Genji began, but Zenyatta lifted his hand gently to stop him. "Just Zenyatta will do from now on, Genji." "Z... Zenyatta? Does this mean... you won't be my teacher anymore?" Genji stuttered. "I'm sorry this affect you so badly, Genji. But that is only bigger reason to let go now..." the omnic sighed. "It's... okay..." Genji said, taking a deep breath. Zenyatta had been more like a friend to him for months already! In bigger picture nothing much would change. Plus! Now they would not have an awkward teacher-student-thing to get over once he would tell about his feelings! This was a good thing! "We... we can still have our daily meditation, can't we?" Genji laughed. His remaining skin scrawled when Zenyatta didn't laugh with him. "I'm afraid not, my friend. I'm... leaving the Overwatch tomorrow." Everything went dark in Genji's mind. He could not process the words he had just heard. On the background he could hear a somber love song, as if to mock him. "... no..." was the only thing Genji could say. "No, master... Zenyatta! You can't go! I- We need you here!" "I'm happy you wish for me to stay, but the world needs me out there, not here." Zenyatta said, his voice clearly somber with sorrow. "I'm a monk, Genji, not a fighter. I wish to return to the road, find more people to help, more students to give my time to. I can't do it here..." All of the sudden Genji's mind went back to the night they had just spent together: Zenyatta saying how he felt jealous to his friends, how Genji had ignored Zenyatta during these last few days, the words of the song when Zenyatta was singing only to him: "I'm weird 'cause I hate goodbyes. I got misty eyes as they said farewell"... Zenyatta had been planning his leaving for a long time already... "No, nonono, Zenyatta, you can't leave now! I... I..." the words got stuck in Genji's throat and were replaced by sobs. Zenyatta seemed like he wanted to take Genji in his arms, but in the last minute backed off. "I'm sorry Genji..." he sighed, walking away slowly. He didn't return to the party, and instead headed for his room, only levitating his orbs back to him. "I'll leave first think tomorrow. I... would like it if you came to say goodbye. But I understand if you feel too angry to." the omnic said, stopping for a second. With a shaky voice he finished: "If I don't see you anymore; I'm proud of you Genji. Goodbye..." Genji fell on his knees as the tears came hard. This was not how this night was supposed to go! He was supposed to make Zenyatta laugh and happy! He was supposed to tell how he loved him! He was supposed to LIKE him! Why was he pulling away!? "Genji?" he heard Lúcio's voice near by and soon felt his arms around him. "Genji! Man, what happened!? Where's Zen?" the ebony man shouted, trying to get Genji to stand up. "You were wrong. All of you were. He doesn't like me... He... He's leaving Overwatch tomorrow!" Genji almost screamed, tears flowing from his eyes. Lúcio let out a gasp, and called Hana and Lena. The two girls, alongside Hanzo, McCree and Angela were soon there. "Brother!" Hanzo shouted, seeing Genji on his knees on the ground. "What happened?" he asked, wrapping his arms around his little brother. Genji sobbed something about Zenyatta leaving, and Hanzo looked up to the others who all turned to each other, not believing their ears. "That... doesn't make sense..." Hana sobbed with tears in her eyes. "Zenny was so happy when talking about Genji! They were supposed to get together and married and---" the rest was choked up by the girl sobbing and crying and muttering something in Korean. Lena hugged her and sobbed herself. "I don't believe any of this!" she sighed sadly. "This is not how it was supposed to go!" "Actually..." Mercy whispered and everyone turned to her. "When Zenyatta and I were working on those orbs, I asked how he felt about you, Genji. He said so many beautiful things about you. In such a voice that could not be mistaken to anything else but undying love!" Angela sighed with tears in her eyes. "But... he also said something that made me worried... He said he was not good enough for you." Genji lifted his head from his brother's shoulder and looked at Mercy with confusion on his face. "He also said he misses the monastery, the road, the buzz of big cities, smiles of the people he has helped... He misses his old life. But he could not see how he could fit his old life and his love into one life. I told him we would find a way together, but he said he already knew the answer... I though when he sang to you and then took you out that he would confess all this to you... I... I'm sorry, I should have talked to him more..." Genji felt like he was more torn between happiness and sadness than ever in his life. More than when he first met his brother after their fateful fight, more than when he first joined Overwatch, more than when he first met Zenyatta... He wanted to go and take Zenyatta in his arms and tell him how much he loved him, leave Overwatch with him and travel back to the monastery... He also wanted to let Zenyatta go, wanted to let him live his own life in piece. He wanted to go to Zenyatta and yell at him for even thinking that he wasn't good enough for him! All of these feelings fought inside him while the others around him sobbed, cried or simply looked sad. Hana was wailing in Lena's arms, Jesse had tipped his hat over his eyes to hide them, Lúcio was pacing back and forth not knowing how to feel, Hanzo was still holding him, eyes hazy with tears, Angela was swallowing back her's. That was when Genji realized that these people cared for him as much as he cared for them, maybe even more! They wished happiness for him, and when it was stolen from him, they cried with him... Genji took a deep breath, wiped his eyes, nodded at his brother, showing he was fine enough to be let go of, got up and looked at his friends. "I know what to do." he said quietly. "But I need your help." "Anything, man!" "Of course luv!" "U-*sniff*-Uh-huh!" "Whatever ya need, partner!" "Tell us what you need Genji!" "Anything, brother." Genji smiled. He spew out simple commands to each. Hana and Mercy to wipe their tears and go get Zenyatta back to the party as soon as they could. Hanzo and McCree to sit him down and make sure he would stay put. Lena and Lúcio to follow him back on the stage and help him out to put up a show just for Zenyatta. --- It was fifteen minutes when Hana and Angela rushed trough the door, dragging confused Zenyatta between them. Hanzo and McCree gave the omnic a cold stare, pushing him down on his seat and sitting on his both sides to make sure he would stay there. Zenyatta looked around confused. Hana and Angela had just broke down his door, Hana, with red eyes and raspy voice, had screamed something in Korea that Zenyatta's translators now processed as "heart-breaker" and "Dumb monk" along many other not so nice words. Angela had just been quiet and asked Zenyatta to come with them once Hana was done screaming at him. Now Hanzo and McCree were giving him cold looks as if he had killed someone. When Zenyatta noticed Genji on the stage, the sorrow he had felt before the girls came bursting in came back to him. Genji was holding the microphone in his hand, and Zenyatta knew what would happen next... part of his was afraid... and part of him wanted to burst into tears with joy. A soft piano started to play on the background when Genji came to the light to everyone to see. Many were surprised and confused to see Genji on the stage. Wasn't the karaoke over already? But when they noticed Zenyatta sitting on the middle of the room, they all gasped softly and nailed their eyes to see what would happen. Even Zarya took a better position to see what these two weird omnics were up to... Genji started to sing, in Japanese, but thanks to his translator Zenyatta understood each word. So far only him and the Shimada-brothers could understand the words sang on to the air, and that was exactly how Genji wanted it to be. "I'll become a happy butterfly, and ride on the glittering wind I'll come to see you soon It's best to forget the unnecessary things There's no more time to be fooling around" Genji had partly chosen this song because it had Butterflies in it, and he knew Zenyatta loved them. "What do you mean, wow wow wow wow wow? I wonder if we'll reach the skies But, wow wow wow wow wow I don't even know what my plans are for tomorrow" On the chorus many recognized the song. "Hey, isn't this from that super old anime?" Hana asked from Lena, whispering over the music. "Yeah, sounds like it. But It's a pretty song, so, I think it'll work!" Tracer answered. "After an endless dream, in this world of nothingness It seems as if our beloved dreams will lose Even with these unreliable wings, covered in images that tend to stay I'm sure we can fly, on my love" The words "on my love" were in english, so everyone could understand exactly what Genji was singing about and a quiet "aaw" washed over the room. Zenyatta was still as a stone, optics watching Genji. "I'll become a merry butterfly, and ride on the earnest wind I'll come to see you where ever you are Ambiguous words are surprisingly handy I'll shout it out, while listening to a hit song What do you mean, wow wow wow wow wow? I wonder if it'll echo through this town But, wow wow wow wow wow There's no use anticipating" The slow tone of the song didn't really give Genji much free will to dance to the beat, not that he wanted to. Most of his concentration was on the words and not to burst into tears in the middle of the song. Not yet. Maybe at the end... "After an endless dream, in this miserable world That's right, maybe not using common sense isn't so bad after all Even with these awkward wings, dyed with images that seem to stay I'm sure we can fly, on my love" Zenyatta was as still as when the song began, but from the slit's of his optics Hanzo and McCree could see something clear, like tears, slowly fall on his face. It was coolant. Many omnics would start "crying" it when their feelings got them overheated. His internal cooling system was swirling hard, and the Omnic seemed to be slightly shaking. "After an endless dream, in this miserable world That's right, maybe not using common sense isn't so bad after all Even with these awkward wings, dyed with images that seem to stay I'm sure we can fly, on my love" Genji let out a gasp as the song was over, dropping the mic down in his hands. He looked at Zenyatta with tears flowing from his eyes. Neither of them moved an inch for what seemed like a minute. Everyone, even Zarya, were on the edge of their seats... Finally, so fast neither Hanzo or Jesse could react, Zenyatta got up and started running. But not away. Towards Genji. The cyborg let out a happy sigh, opened his arms and let the omnic run into them. Everyone started cheering wildly. McCree even took out his gun and shot the cealing few times. Genji held the shaking Omnic in his arms so tightly, as to never let him go. "I'm sorry..." was the only thing coming from Zenyatta's voice-box. Repeating over and over, more sad, more somber than before. "Don't apologize. You're confused. You don't know where you belong, where you should go. Should you stay or leave. You have no reason to apologize..." Genji reassured despite his own voice cracking multiple times. "Genji... I don't deserve you..." "And I don't deserve you." "I don't want to leave... you or any of these amazing people..." "You don't have to..." "But... I miss home... I miss my life..." "We can always visit monastery! And take holidays to travel together!" "You... how can you come up with the answers to all this so easily?" "Because I love you." Genji held Zenyatta's shoulders and his forehead against his own. "I love you Zenyatta. I love your laugh, I love your voice, I love you the way you are. I'll live my life making you happy, protecting you, and if I ever let you go, I would not be able to live!" Zenyatta let out what sounded like a cry. Burrying his face on Genji's shoulder he sobbed. "I'm sorry Genji... I... I thought you didn't... I was so lonely... I'm sorry... I love you. I love you too my Sparrow! I love you so much!" "I'm sorry I left you alone for such a long time. I promise I'll never leave your side again! I promise... I love you..." The two Omnics were the only ones who heard the words they exchanged, only few words slipping trough the team's cheers and roars. Hanzo tried, and failed, to keep tears in, and McCree gave him his hat to hide his eyes with, openly crying himself. Lena, Hana and Angela were hugging, jumping and creaming with joy. Lúcio played some calm love-music on the background, fighting back tears. "Oh my god, just KISS ALREADY!" they heard from the audience. Everyone looked up to Zarya who had shouted it. Zarya looked down on everyone. "What?" she asked, lifting her class. "That's what everyone I waiting for, right?" and took a sip from it. Genji chuckeled, melting when he heard Zenyatta join him. He lifted the Omnic's face straight to his and pressed his lips against the seam on Zenyatta's face. Zenyatta pressed gently against him as the team cheered and clapped for them. Genji swore he could hear his brother wailing with tears of happiness, suddenly muffled by something, most likely Jesse's shoulder. But he didn't turn to look. All he cared for now was Zenyatta. END So yeah. here ya go! Some fluff for you all! God this took whole day to write! And it suuucks and is super cheesy haha! XD If there are typos I don't care lel Before you say that Zenyatta was being mean or out of character, please remember that you only read Genji's point of view here. I didn't do that good of a work to explain how Zen felt about this, but I might write a mini-fic about it if enough people whine about it lol.

[lavender-montgomery]

ramble tw: ed,depression, psychosis and anxiety mention

Really hating being at home at the moment, I take any excuse to go out for as long as I can. I just stayed two nights at my best friend’s house, I wish I stayed longer. There’s this chick I’m talking to who means a lot to me but I can’t see her atm bc of the virus. She doesn’t have it (thank god) she’s being careful which is fair enough, but it’s hard not meeting up with her when all I wanna do is be around her and be cute and hear her voice. 

My Mam is really unwell and it’s not looking good, I am very anxious about it. I can’t see her or talk to her much at the moment. 

I’ve decided to finally do stuff I really wanted to do that my ex didn’t allow, such as more piercings (I took most of mine out) and FINALLY getting a mullet. Also planning my next tattoo as it has been so long since I’ve had new ink. Feels good to be getting back to how I used to look, feels like me again, I changed myself so much for my ex and I just wasn’t me at all

It also feels good to not be denying my sexuality anymore, it used to get me super down

I’m in a really weird mood at the moment, I feel empty yet sad and heavy and anxious. About me mam, my ex, I’m worried I’ve fucked up with someone, sad about my sister, anxious about living arrangements 

That’s another thing, living arrangements. I’m really looking forward to living alone and doing what I want with my tiny ass flat, but the building itself and area I live in is dangerous so living here alone is scary. I’ve become very jumpy especially at home, if someone even unlocks the door it scares me a lot and I am constantly on edge. A lot of bad stuff happens here which has given me this extreme anxiety of being here. I know I could move, but I love the flat itself and it’s near places I wanna work. I suppose I’ll see how it goes living by myself and if it’s too bad then I will look at moving. I’m not gonna lie, my building looks like the crack den Cumberbatch’s Sherlock was staying at. It’s a mess. But my flat itself is nice so I don’t mind.

I just wanna be alone, listen to music, do some art and cuddle my cat.

The lass I’m talking to got me a Pooh plush which made me stupidly happy and I’ve not put him down

I’m getting fish soon and more plants, turning my flat into my happy place

You ever get days where your mental illness just hits you full force? Today is one of those days with my depression and my psychosis and anorexia has been bad again. It’s my own fault, I’m not taking my meds and my ex would get angry at me - but I’m not taking them BECAUSE of my psychosis, my main hallucination which I posted about on here when I first started this blog. It’s a tough cycle that I know I gotta break, I just don’t have the strength or willpower to do that right now.

It’s weird when my anorexia gets bad. It’s very sad, it controls me, I feel physically unwell and it brings my other mental illnesses to light. At the same time, it makes me happy, when I go a while without eating and I feel that burning in my chest and throat and I’m shaky, I feel like congratulating myself for doing so well. It makes me happy knowing I can do it again, and honestly? The only bad thing I can see happening about living alone is my anorexia properly returning long term. I’m torn, part of me is so excited for that, but I’ve also done so well these past few months with my eating. It’ll be worth it when I look better. I wish I looked how I did when I was 18, looking at old pictures makes me sad. I was so, so skinny. I looked ill, my skin was white, I was so weak. The worst part is I’d get praised for how ‘fantastic’ I looked and people would ask me for weight loss advice, which of course only fueled it. Why did no one help me? Why was it unnoticed and not cared about? I couldn’t shop in town as barely anywhere sold my size clothes and the few times I would find my size the range would be so limited. I had to get my clothes sent over from Japan or wear stuff oversized which only made me look tinier. At the time I didn’t want help or for people to know, but looking back I’m wondering why the fuck no family or close friends other than my ex said anything or helped. It got to the point I would be wearing clothes for nine year olds, which I was incredibly proud of. Yet another thing I’m torn about, it was one of the worst times of my life dealing with that but at the same time... I looked the best I’ve ever looked. Skinny, pale, short hair, piercings, getting tattoos, I dressed nice. I still dress the same I suppose but it doesn’t look as good because I’m fat. Despite it being an awful time, I’d give anything to go back to it overnight. I’ll get there, it’s gonna be slow and it’s gonna take a lot out of me. I’ll look like me again eventually. Do I wanna do it? Who knows. 

I’ve been having sensory overload a lot more recently, it’s starting to become an issue. It doesn’t help that my ex gets angry at me and yells, doesn’t let me have quiet and makes it worse. I almost cry begging him to just please don’t talk to me and don’t move near me, but for some reason every time it happens he insists on yelling and swearing at me, getting in bed next to me watching videos on his phone, moving about on the bed messing about with the duvet and he brings his cat who gets in my face and has the loudest purr I have ever heard come from a cat. All this when I am having a sensory overload moment is a nightmare, it’s so frustrating and he makes me feel so stupid for it. He tells me I’m stupid and pathetic. Maybe I am, I don’t know. I’m not diagnosed autistic or anything but apparently I show a lot of traits of it. My ex tells me I’m autistic, he uses it to insult me. Even now, I’m trying to distract myself posting this as I haven’t had a long vent about everything for ages, I’ve asked him to just give me a few minutes to myself and he’s going on at me to clear the bed so he can get in it as he ‘wants bedtime’. It’s 5:30PM, he could always clear the bed himself but he makes me do it. 

Ah, my disability. It’s getting bad again - what isn’t? I’ve only used my wheelchair once since the breakup because I’m unable to push myself in it, I need someone to push me, but it isn’t Lukas’ thing to do anymore. He pushed me the other morning when we went to ASDA. I’ve been in a lot of pain recently, my ex has a go at me for going out if I’m gonna come home in pain and not do things like make myself food when he says or clear the bed for him. He tells me I need to prioritise. I tell him I’m not gonna just never go out and have no social life incase my disability plays up, right now it isn’t even that that’s the issue, I’m in pain because of the cold. He didn’t accept that. What does he expect me to do? It’s the end of December, it’s cold, I can’t just stay inside until spring. Recently I asked him to pass me something off his desk he was sat at because my back was bad. He lost it, called me a lazy cunt. Says he’s in pain too he shouldn’t have to ‘do everything for me’. I told him the scissors are a foot away from him, it makes sense for him to just pass them to me, any normal person would do that. Of course he didn’t accept that so continued swearing at me. This happens a lot.

I told him no more sex. Despite breaking up over a month ago we are still living together while he finds a new place and he is often in the mood so we were still having sex. It was consensual, but I told him no more.

Today’s a bad day and there are some bad things going on, but it’s not all bad. The past 2/3 weeks I’ve been doing better than I have for a long time. Making plans for living alone, returning to bar work which I love, planning to visit my family in Essex and my friends in Bristol. Sorting my appearance out again, embracing my sexuality, getting back in touch with friends. And her. I’ve already mentioned her a few times but man, I can’t help it. She makes me smile like I haven’t in a long time, we talk all day/night, she’s adorable. I’m not gonna get my hopes up, I don’t think I’d make her happy like she deserves, and she deserves so, so much, more than I could ever be; but I’m happy with how it is now even if only temporary. She makes me feel less alone, feel wanted, appreciated, cared for, happy. She’s someone from my past I never thought would be in my life again but I am really happy she is. What a blessing  ♡

[moiraineswife]

Can you expand on the Geralt, Regis, and Philippa being autistic? I'm intrigued...

Yes friend. Yes I can. As it happens I’ve already talked about Phil at length here, but I got distracted by…Life before I could get to the boys. So I’ll do that now. Much like Phil’s this isn’t going to be very ordered….Or detailed, unfortunately, bc I can’t remember everything I wanted to say on the subjects, and I don’t have the spoons to go trawling through the books atm. 

This is all, also, entirely book based, because I’ve never played the games (I just occasionally reblog gifsets here bc a)- pretty, b)- CONTENT and c)- oh look nice visual representations of my children) but idk what’s going on there. 

Regis: 

Regis presents some potential vague problems with the autistic thing bc he’s not human…but as I’m not suggesting all higher vampires are automatically autistic, and because I love my dear awkward bean, I don’t really care and we’re pressing on with haste. 

-Okay, okay, the biggest/my favourite thing for this hc with Regis is his habit of infodumping/overexplaining EVERYTHING. He either just gets really into it/excited about Sharing His Knowledge, or else he can’t filter what of all the many things bouncing around in his brain are actually important (bc they are all important) so he just says everything meanwhile the hansa are all just ‘Regis pls we got the point ten minutes ago STOP TALKING’ And he knows he does this, and he’s tried so many times to get a hold on it and stop but it just…It’s not happening. 

-Regis having special interests in herbs/plants, particularly if they can be used for medicinal purposes…Or making moonshine. He’s had several lifetimes to Indulge this interest and he pretty much knows everything about everything. 

-He has a pretty distinctive pattern of speech. And I like the idea that his Extreme Authentic Regis-Flavoured Politeness that’s a fairly staple part of his character is something that’s developed over the years, first from a coping type mechanism bc the politer he was, the harder it was to accidentally say something wrong and offend someone, and eventually transitioned into an internal rule so this is now just the way he is/has to be. 

-Kind of a combination of the above point and the first: Regis explaining things in ways he thinks are very clear and explicit (while also maintaining the necessary politeness rules) but everyone around him is just ???? regis wut???? 

-Regis calling himself a coward when it comes to combat situations because he doesn’t know how else to explain the fact that he freezes up and panics in these situations (the dude basically cannot die, okay, this isn’t a mortality fear, but there’s something going on). The truth is, though, that battles are sensory hell, too much noise, too much feeling, too much visual stimulation too much and he can’t deal with it (sweet bean) 

-I like Regis being on the other end of the empathy spectrum to, say, Philippa, and being hyperempathetic (which I think fits him fairly well - I mean….The guy is an immensely powerful, centuries old higher vampire….and he spends his time chilling, making moonshine for passing strangers, and being a bloody barber surgeon and helping people with his vast wealth of Knowledge. And also the way he responds to, say, the girl in the village when he performs the whole fire miracle thing to save her, despite the fact it’ll expose him, because he just nope, not having this. And he feels things so deeply, he CARES so much, he’s such a good soul, this suits him well) 

-Okay but in contrast to that Regis is pretty fucking unflappable. He doesn’t really do big displays of emotion very well, and tends to approach most things with Logic. (See: that moment in LotL when Geralt is like ‘okay ppl we have a job we are LEAVING’ and the hansa just explodes into action and rushes off to hop to it. Meanwhile Regis sits there, chill as you please, just like…yes, okay Geralt, an explanation if you please, I require Reasons before I leap into action thank you very much) And he’s got that expected ‘comes across as pretty withdrawn/composed’ thing going on too.

Geralt: 

Geralt, like Regis, presents a few slightly thorny problems bc a lot of the things that read as traits for him are muddled up with the whole witcher mutations…but again…i Relate too much to care, and I’m too tired to get into a debate with myself concerning this, so onwards and upwards… 

-I feel like he’s somewhere in the middle of the empathy spectrum. Like you’ve got Phil who’s just…None and doesn’t give af, Regis that’s just like *feels everything so much and vibrates with it* and then Geralt’s in the middle where he….Can’t really read people’s emotions very well, but there’s also a fairly large heaping of compassionate empathy in there, in that he WANTS to help people he just…Doesn’t quite understand them very well? So he’s like…Trying His Best on the empathy front. (bless) 

-Geralt kind of going the opposite direction that Regis went with the talking/socialising thing. Where Regis is really polite/long-winded to kind of compensate and attempt to cover all bases, Geralt is just...To the point. Blunt. Says what he’s thinking/what he means. Doesn’t have time for anyone who does anything other than that. He gave up trying to riddle out manipulation/lies long ago. Either talk simply, or don’t talk at all. 

-Geralt repeatedly being like ‘what is this feeling I am experiencing?’ *prods it uncertainly* which has a name: alexithmiya, and is Great Fun btw. 

-Let’s be honest here, he’s really not the world’s biggest emoter. That isn’t to say that he doesn’t have emotions/doesn’t feel (ofc he does) he’s just really not very good at showing it. 

-Absolutely less than zero, well into negative figures here, interested in politics. There’s too much lying, too much manipulation, too many games, too many exhausting little factions and social rules and nuances to try and figure out and he is decidedly Too Old For This Shit. 

-Same vein: hates spies/spying. Can’t be doing this with all this under the table, betraying, two-faced bullshit. Wasn’t made for it, can’t be fucked with it, stop doing it, please and thank you. 

-Geralt transcending the typical autistic realms of same!clothes/same!food and heading into the territory of same!name: every horse I have ever, or will ever, own is called Roach. Nice and simple. 

-His witcher medallion ending up being a comfort object because of how constant/present it is. It’s a nice weight, and it probably doubles as a stim toy tbh because the spiky bits can get rubbed between fingers. 

-Geralt having very set Internal Rules/demonstrating black and white thinking. He’s very firm about these sorts of things in the games, things along the lines of not killing dragons/intelligent beasts etc, etc. But also his views on neutrality/not taking part/wanting to be removed from what’s happening (these do change slightly, but it takes a damn long time) 

-I can make an argument for Geralt being change resistant/struggling to adapt without too much trouble. He does the same thing day in day out and has done for years, and doesn’t seem in any great hurry to stop doing that. 

-Literally every speech Geralt makes to the hansa is just...Geralt. Child. Ur trying. But lead by action, okay? 

I could go on but...that’ll do for now. (also this took 16 years to answer and I apologise for that I hope your intrigue didn’t die in the intervening time D:)