#I am not always good at translating myself even if I understand myself really well

[twilightmalachite]

Esu Sagiri - Idol Story 2

Author: Akira

Characters: Esu, Subaru

Translator: Mika Enstars

"Hehehe… But you know, even though I was crying like an idiot just by watching… You were smiling up until the very end and did your job perfectly as an idol, Senpai."

[Read on my blog for the best viewing experience with Oi~ssu ♪]

Season: Spring

Location: Cemetery

Second year of ES’ establishment. At a secret cemetery somewhere in Tokyo…

Subaru: (Dad.)

(I’m sorry I visited you so late this year as well.)

(I’m getting busier and busier year after year, you know? Although in Trickstar’s case, it’s more like there’s no leisure for the poor...)

(You wouldn't angry at that, would you though, Dad? ‘Cause you were much busier than I was, day in and day out.)

(Nothing could be done about that, though. You were a super idol who carried the industry on his shoulders, after all.)

(You never gave up, though. You never complained, and on holidays you would even be sure to come back home with a smile on your face just to make your family happy.)

(You sure are amazing, Dad. I’ve always admired you. And I’m now in the same position as you—I’ve become an idol.)

(As time passes, I’ve slowly realized more and more just how amazing a person you were.)

(It made me happy. It made me happy to be able to understand you, Dad.)

(Hey, Dad, I wonder if I’ve become an idol worthy of your praise.)

(If possible, I’d like to have you say “Wow, you’re amazing, Subaru!” if you were alive.)

(And I wish you could ruffle up my hair like I was a dog, just like you used to too, but…)

Esu: NwaaAAAAAAH!?

(thunk)

Subaru: …?

Hmm? Umm, are… you okay…?

Esu: Ah, It's okay, do not mind me! My arms are just outta shape, as it’s been a while since I’ve climbed! I bit off more than I could chew!

I took a dangerous route to get away from this creepy guy, and accidentally slipped from somewhere high—

Esu: —Wait, you’re Akehoshi SubaruuUUU!

Subaru: Yup. Huh, are you a fan of mine?

(This isn’t good. I didn’t really want my fans to know where my dad’s grave was.)

(Although his reputation’s been restored to an extent, there’s still a lot of anti-fans who believe those rumors and consider him the worst idol ever…)

(I don’t want that. What if his grave gets vandalized or something?)

Esu: Oh, no no! It’d be presumptuous for someone like myself to call myself a fan!

Presem… Presim, prisum… Huh, is “presumptuous” correct?!

Subaru: Yep, that’s it.

Esu: Was I right? Got it! Good, good, hip-hooray! I mean, that was very kind of you! This debt of gratitude will not be forgotten even if I am reborn seventeen times over!

Subaru: Seventeen times over, huh? What’s with that oddly specific number?

You’re a strange kid.

Esu: Huh, you think so? I find myself to be normal, though! Maybe I’ve become a little out of touch with the world after having been cooped up for a while?

If I do anything that feels off, do feel free to point anything out! I’ll correct it!

Subaru: Alright. Well to start, it’s looked down upon to cause a ruckus at gravesites.

Esu: You’re right~! My bad! I’ll quiet down! I’m a man who has often been told “You’re so cute when you keep your mouth shut, Esu-kun!” by his inconsiderate classmates!

Subaru: So your name’s Esu, huh?

Esu: Yes! I am Sagiri Esu! My name’s pretty tough to read, or excessively sparkly rather, so it’s okay if you don’t remember all of it![1]

You’re free to just call me something like “Ecchan” or “Sacchan”!

Subaru: Ecchan reminds me of Eichi-senpai. Sagiri—I feel like I might’ve heard “Sagiri” somewhere before…

Esu: Oh, so you recognize it? My father used to be real popular! He was even called a super idol at a point!

Subaru: Ah, that’s right! There was a super idol who showed up sometime between the times of Hokke~Papa—Hidaka Seiya-san and my dad, right?

His name was Sagiri. My dad said that he looked up to him, so I remember.

Esu: Ahaha~, although it was all downhill for him once the next super idol, Akehoshi-senpai’s father, made his appearance.

Subaru: Well, my dad did become the talk of the town for many things, both good and bad… Those from around that time aren’t talked about as much anymore, with Hokke~Papa being an exception.

It’s like it’s all been balled together as a dark past to be forgotten, thanks to all that’s happened.

So I dunno how things are now, but, umm you—Sacchan, what’s your father doing now?

He’s not active anymore… right? I feel I’d know about him if he were active.

Esu: Oh, my father died.

Subaru: …Is that so? Sorry, I didn’t know…

Esu: Nah, if you didn’t know, you didn’t know! He passed away three years ago, and by the time he’d already turned over a new leaf as just an ordinary man.

Just an ordinary man, just with a bit of a nice-looking face.

Could at least look ugly… Wouldn't have to be followed around by that pervert then…

Subaru: Pervert? Had your father been targeted by some weird stalker or something, like mine was…?

Esu: No, no, this pervert has nothing to do with my father’s death. Sorry if I’m being difficult to follow! My communication skills aren’t all too great, after all! Just terrible!

My father died in a plane accident. Just a common—well, it’s not common, but an ordinary accident with nothing to do with idols or anything like that.

I was involved in the accident too, and although I managed to survive, I’ve been in the hospital up until recently. So, I've been in the process of rehabilitation for about six months, as of now.

Subaru: Is that so… I probably wouldn’t have even known three years ago. In the period before I entered high school, I would shut myself away from any and all information.

All of the information that would drift my way… I wouldn’t wanna hear any of it.

Esu: I totally get you~. It feels like anything and everything is an attack on you when your heart is weak, doesn’t it?

Even though nobody in the world probably spares a single thought about you.

Ah, but you’re an idol, Akehoshi-senpai, so tons and tons of people pay attention to you, of course! I was really moved by the SS from two years back![2]

It was like—and sorry if this sounds disrespectful—but your father also passed away… I felt like I could relate with you in some ways.

Like, “Ahh, this person, he’s me.”

Subaru: … …

Esu: At the time, I understood the expression on your face, your voice, everything, as if they were my own—I empathized! I was no longer able to distinguish between you and I!

I was in the hospital, lying in bed watching your performance, and I cried so hard that even the nurses became seriously worried about me.

Esu: Hehehe… But you know, even though I was crying like an idiot just by watching…

You were smiling up until the very end and did your job perfectly as an idol, Senpai. So, I thought you were real amazing—

Esu: Ahh, I can’t find the right words! Hang in there, my vocabulary!

Subaru: It’s okay. I understand you.

Thank you. For watching my performance.

You cried in place of me, didn’t you? Maybe that’s why I didn’t have to show a shameful sight like that upon such an important stage.

So… I know it sounds weird, but thank you. Really.

Esu: Oh no no, I seriously didn’t do anything! I don’t know what to do being shown gratitude like this?!

Oh, shoot!? I hear Fuyume’s voice! He hates exercise and isn’t all that good at it either, but caught up to me through sheer determination…!

I-I’m so sorry, but I gotta go now! It’s over for me if I’m caught!

Subaru: It kinda feels like you’re in danger… Do you need me to hide you?

Esu: Ah, that’s very kind of you, but I’m alright! This is a problem I gotta resolve on my own…!

But if you’d like, do offer some incense at the grave over there, the one decorated with cutesy goods.

That one’s my father’s grave.

Subaru: Right. This cemetery is for those in the industry that need to be kept secret from the general public. Both your father and my dad rest here.

It was through some sort of fate I was able to meet you, and hear your words that made me happy, so… Yeah, I’ll be sure to offer some incense.

Esu: Thanks! I’m sure our fathers are happy too! It doesn’t seem like they were on good terms when they were alive, but everyone becomes a Buddha when they die, right?[3]

I’m sure all those concerns and karma have been thoroughly purified!

—Eek, his voice is getting closer! Maaan, I wanted to have a nice and quiet visit to his grave after all this time!

But, well, I also caused a ruckus for no reason, and disturbed Akehoshi-senpai’s visit to his grave! That makes it sort of a mutual karmic retribution, right!—kinda?

Subaru: It’s fine. My dad always liked it when things were lively.

I’m sure he’s standing beside your father, watching over with a smile on their faces—over us.

[ ☆ ]

story directory

A sparkly name (キラキラネーム) is a term that refers to a recent phenomenon of giving names that are over-extravagant and notably very difficult to read. Esu's name is written with the kanji 笑主, which is both very unrecognizable as a name (it uses the kanji for laugh/smile + the kanji for lord/master), the reading is also very unnatural. The phenomenon is similar to the one where people will name their babies stuff like "Mhackenzeigh" or "Lakynn". Since knowing that 笑主 is read as "Esu" doesn't come instinctively, it would be difficult to remember; hence Esu saying there's no need to remember it all.

Referring to the SS where Trickstar won, back in ! era. If you aren’t aware of what happens to Subaru and Trickstar during the event, I highly recommend reading SS - Friendship 14 until the end of the event story, else this entire scene won’t make as much sense.

Esu uses a lot of Buddhist terminology here. If you’re familiar with the idea of reaching enlightenment, once you reach enlightenment, you let go of all worldly possessions, realizations, attainments, and achievements. This is what is referred to when one becomes a Buddha.

[five-thousand-loaves-of-bread]

Hi. I read your post about being an "unreliable narrator" of your own life and I am having Feelings about it.

You said at the end to not respond with "relatable" if not friend/mutual etc. and so I am not doing that.

I am here to say Thank You, because you have given me a new way to describe an experience that I sometimes have.

Of course, my experience is very, very small compared to yours. I can pass as "normal" if I want to.

But still, you shared "Unreliable Narrator of Own Life", and so I would like to share "Executive Function Burnout" with you in return.

Thank you so much for sharing. Really. We are not the same, because no two people are really the same, but I see myself in you, and because I love myself and want myself to be happy, I also want the same things for you.

You are welcome to use "Executive Function Burnout" as a way to explain a thing.

I know words are hard sometimes (not always, but sometimes), so:

Executive = Decision Maker

Function = Capacity

Burnout = Used Up

I like finding connections between words, and translating complicated words into simple words.

I hope you have good rest, whatever that looks like for you. And I'm sorry I put so many words here.

Thank you for sharing. 💜

hey so. you nice about it so do appreciate, n think this problem caused by me not realize need elaborate what count as “say relate,” so that on me, n you tried respect that based on your interpretation, so am also gonna try be calm n nice about it

(tone tag is not mad. i think. well, if am mad it not your responsibility worry abt it)

by “don’t say relate” not just mean don’t say word “relate.” mean include saying anything that can be see as relating—say we similar, borrowing words, say see self in me, etc.

because often am describing level of severity that, unless you also go through, people don’t realize can affect that basic of thing. so people misunderstand to mean something milder. n that frustrate me because am try best to explain self as clear n work with communication disabilities. n history of be speak over by people…. for lack better term less severe in community.

now, don’t know how you (both actual you + general you for non mutuals) actually experience, don’t know how you actually understand. maybe you actually understand perfectly severity + actual experience. am have no way knowing unless know you more. and exact because have no way know unless that, n majority of people have met who do this don’t actually understand n experience, just ask people am not familiar with in general, not to tell me if they feel similar, if they relate.

to illustrate.

“burnout” very very. so very different from what am experiencing what am describe. have been very adamant in “do not call me burnout” because been repeat instances. if you not follow me for while, may not know that. n that okay not know! is why say “don’t say relate,” to prevent me see that.

& “executive function/dysfunction”, in way neurodivergent community typically think n talk about term, not describe what am experiencing.

n reason why say “don’t say relate” is, am can’t control how you feel. you (general you) can’t even control how you feel. can only ask you not do action. so ask you not do action. “relate all you want just don’t tell me.” kind of thing

again, do appreciate you be nice. n do appreciate you mean well, n want give me something in return. misunderstanding from miscommunication n that okay. hope you good day.

may borrow some of what wrote here into new post explain what meant by “not say relate if mutual / friend who experience this”, & why. please know it not target at you, you not only one, it something been thinking about do for while because it kinda unusual.

[zoe4math]

Recently, I found this picture:

I am sure that there must be some wonderful stories in it.

However, I know this picture is not clear, and neither my English nor Japanese abilities are good.

So, I will try my best to translate this picture. If you have found some grammar problems, please let me know, and I'll improve it. 🥹

【Geordo】

Dear Catarina,

It has been a month since we became lovers. Although I stayed by your side as your fiance, when I accomplished to tell you my feelings, and the time you accepted it… do you know how joyful I was? I believe if I hadn't known about you, I would never understand those feelings.

From now on, I want to go to various places with you more than ever and spend time together. I want to know more about what you like.

I love you, Catarina.

Geordo Stuart

【Keith】

You may not notice, but since I met you, my daily life has changed incredibly. Knowing you makes me understand that such happy feelings really exist, and being accepted is such a wonderful thing. I will definitely protect you well from now on. I hope you can rely on me more.

And…if possible, I want to do something a little more like lovers with you…though, I don't really know what kind of things lovers do…

Anyway, I love you.

Let's always be together.

Keith Claes

【Alan】

To Catarina.

Becoming…becoming lovers with you is still unbelievable to me…but yes, we really develop to this kind of relationship. And it reminds me of one thing: I care about you more than caring for myself.

When I look up at the sky, I would think of your eyes’ color, and at the concert, I often choose to perform the songs you like. I can't take my eyes off of you whenever we meet, and if I am ignored by you, I will get mad as a child. I feel like thinking about you all the time is a little weird, but every day, I feel happy.

Catarina, I am grateful for the days with you.

Let's make these great days continue.

Alan Stuart

【Nicol】

To my beloved Catarina,

Honestly, sometimes, I am still afraid that this mysterious reality is only a dream. I have hidden my feelings since I was little, and I thought that I should be satisfied with protecting your smile.

However, you who are already by my side are neither a dream nor a longing, which really made me delightful.

Please stay by my side from now on. I love you, and I will surely make you happy, I promise.

Nicol Acsart

【Rozy】

To Catarina.

I am eager to know what you are doing. I am thinking about you all day, and even Silva is arguing with it and asking me not to think about you so often. But I miss you so much that I think my feelings are going to burst out, that's why I am writing this to you.

I love you, Catarina. I want to hug you right now. You always blush and make a little embarrassing face when I hug you. You are so cute and make me want to hug you even more.

…I love you, Catarina.

I am looking forward to the day we will meet.

Rozy Lind

【Silva】

I think writing a letter is not wasting time, but…well, sometimes doing things like this isn't bad, is it? Especially you, always forget things quickly. Now you can read my letter to you and think about me during the time we can't meet each other.

You are precious to me. Of course, I am saying this is not as a friend but as a lover.

I love you…l won't leave you. That's it. Make up your mind now that you will be by my side forever.

Silva

[hopefull-mindset]

Finally understanding Beast Mori (as Asagiri intended)

Hello everyone, I am hoping you’ll be nice about me talking about Mori for two seconds and express my thoughts about such a guy like this. This isn’t going to be some fancy analysis picking apart stuff like I’d usually want to or even me addressing every trait he has because I definitely don’t go into everything. This is me finally being at peace with Mori’s humanity.

Before you say anything, I’d just like to share my own peace of comprehension. So if you were similarly confused the way I was, I think you’d appreciate this (Or if you’re looking for a different approach on Mori).

Im sure most of you have read the manga adaptation, so just to let you know, I am going to be using passages from the official Light Novel translation and if anyone needs it, I can send it to them!

For anyone who’s decided to read, hello! Nice to meet you. I’m sure we’ve all shared the same confusion when confronted with Beast Mori’s difference in personality and approach. Thoughts like “Why is he so much nicer?” Or “Why does he care much more about how kids are treated, when he himself has treated kids the same way he describes in the past?”

How could this person be the same guy who was Mori the Port Mafia Boss? The war veteran who used Yosano the way he did? So we came up with many idea of why he’s different to justify it, but here’s the thing: Mori is the same person he always was, this is a universe where everything is the same, but different where Dazai chooses to intervene.

After a few days, I was able to recognize it but I couldn’t hold myself to acknowledge it. It’s hard to see a man who represents the dark, the Port Mafia, to the Armed Detective Agency’s light. I couldn’t wrap my head that such a controlling, manipulative man could have humanity like the rest of the characters.

Why was this so hard for me to see? Well two reasons— the fandom and how the anime cuts down Mori’s emotions when adapting canon material. This happens to Dazai too, but people are much more willing to talk about it compared to Mori. Now the fandom really does love blaming everything on Mori and that’s not the most constructive thing to do when talking about abuse narratives. I can’t blame anyone for taking this route when it came to Mori because of Asagiri’s poorly thought out choice with him…. we all know what I’m talking about. Elise.

However, I need some of you to understand that abuse narratives are never as simple as “oh, it’s all this persons fault because they’re a horrible person, so [character] is resolved from any guilt or responsibility”. This not only dumbs down the situation and seriousness of it, by mischaracterizing the abuser, you’re also mischaracterizing the victim as well and what they’ve gone through. You’re putting their story in jeopardy.

Bungou Stray Dogs is a story about human beings, morality, and what it all means. Mori, and in turn Fukuzawa, are important to understand Bungou Stray Dogs because they are in two pinochle positions that start this discussion of Morality. I am baffled that a story like this, one that approaches these topics with so much appreciation for humanity and nuance, has a fandom that doesn’t want to talk about what it has to offer.

Asagiri’s poorly thought out writing decision of a joke is going to have lasting effects with how Mori is going to be approached forever and I see this, but I think the little girl jokes are the least important thing to talk about because they have as much impact as the Tanizaki siblings do. He’s also written to be not a good person either, so you can dislike him easily, but how many of these characters are traditionally good people? Kouyou, for example, is not a “good person” and emotionally abusive in example to how she treated Kyouka. That doesn’t stop people from liking her friendship with Chuuya and making content with her.

So this attitude toward Mori had me lost when it came to him because I could see how much thought Asagiri puts into writing him the same way he does with so many, but I’ve seen so many disregard his humanity that I had no way to express any of my thoughts to sort out what to think about through anyone else when faced with Beast Mori. Everyone was as lost I was, and the people that weren’t never explained it in a way I could break that barrier.

So what finally made me wrap my head around Mori? It was exactly one conversation I had with a friend and it wasn’t even about Beast Mori in particular, it was just about Mori and his poor humanity while navigating how to lead. Everything just clicked with that.

(Dazai, Chuuya, age Fifteen)

This right here is where Mori tells us what he thinks his position means after the struggling we visibly see him go through. Is it an inherently correct conclusion to make? No, but does it make sense as someone who’s a leader of a huge, dangerous underground criminal organization? Yes, it does.

We have no backstory on Mori, but his poor humanity is easy to explain when he’s been in positions that require him to disregard his own and everyone else’s humanity for years now. As someone who’s seen war up close and a physician, these jobs require him to take control of the other person. Well in his mind at least, he sees these jobs and chooses to the route that’s most efficient.

It’s never positioned to be for himself though, he doesn’t take glee in what he does for self serving purposes, it’s always for the country, the city, the organization. His thought process is never the power hungry yearning we see everyone mistake it for. It’s never that he wants it, it’s that he needs it for everything to go well.

That’s exactly how he treats Yosano because even though it’s creepy to base your abilities looks on a little girl, that doesn’t stop him from seeing her use before her age and humanity.

His clinical utilitarianism is his core trait but also most disliked one from what I can tell in the fandom, and people tend to misinterpret it to make the more non-favorable view of him. But again, he’s not supposed to be the greatest guy ever and you can understand where these traits started forming. And again, to paraphrase another’s words: he’s cunning, but not power hungry.

He’s also not disliked by his subordinates and actually respected, he respectively enjoys the company, but there’s a mixed answer to that and that it is… nobody is going to listen to you if you don’t treat them with decency. Why would you expect a tool to work if you break them? One of his earliest lessons he learned with Yosano and leadership.

(Dazai, Chuuya, Age Fifteen)

For example, we all know this scene is manipulation. He’s baiting Chuuya with information while still treating the teenager with respect and enough honesty to form a bond. Chuuya is perfectly aware that he’s being used in the present and in the past, but he respects Mori as a leader objectively after his own considered failure and lack of control over the sheep, even if he didn’t consider himself one. I don’t think this honesty comes from nowhere because that quote, “only a Diamond can polish a Diamond”, came from Natsume in reference to himself and Fukuzawa.

He sees himself and Fukuzawa in Soukoku fondly, but I tend to rethink this quote time to time because at first it comes off as a quote about partnership and building off of each other’s good qualities to perfect their own, but the way Mori uses it here feels as though it’s positioned to mean that one of them comes out perfected and the other weared down. Pretty competitive if you think about it.

(Bungou Stray Dogs BEAST)

We’re finally at the part you’ve been waiting for guys! So what was my point for analyzing canonverse Mori? So as I said before, these are the exact same guy and all that word jumble? That was an extended version of what was communicated with me to finally get what was going on with Mori in this universe and why he’s suddenly in an orphanage.

Now I couldn’t tell what was going through Beast Dazai’s mind and where this decision came from instead of actually killing him like the rumor’s implied, but I can come close. I think that Beast Dazai recognized this potential of change either from the multitude of universes he was able to witness or recognized it in his own considering canonverse Dazai never does anything against Mori (even if he visibly dislikes him).

Possibility is one thing, the why is another. It was either that he saw potential and good that could come out of this in the long run, Mori’s intelligence and expertise still proves usefulness, less dangerous for Oda in the long run if he let Mori stay there instead of the Mafia, or all three.

I can say for sure though that this is better for Mori because after the years of being in atmospheres that require so much of him intelligently and exempt of any emotion involved for the sake of efficiency, being able to rekindle his humanity where nothing is expected of him except to raise kids in a non-exploitative context sounds really freeing to me. Considering he’s been there for 4 years, I find the development understandable.

Okay I’m hearing what you guys are saying again, “What about him saying he wanted to save Dazai? That doesn’t seem like typical Mori.” And I’m gonna say something really controversial: Well maybe he did.

Really though, I think he did care about Dazai and not because he saw a child struggling (think about Yosano and Q for 3 seconds), but because he saw himself in Dazai, which ultimately changed way more about their relationship than you guys think. There’s a lot of comparisons to Yosano and I understand where they come from because I think there’s a lot you can see similarities in, but Dazai is not purely a tool for Mori the way she was.

The avoidance of letting him die do come from his use and overall importance to the original plan of becoming the new boss, but I don’t think he would’ve left Dazai alone like that for 4 whole years after leaving the mafia if he didn’t care in some way way. What strikes me the most is how Asagiri decided to add “the man who raised Dazai”.

For Beast Mori, I think he’s had enough time to actually feel guilt and regret for Dazai as a person like a normal human being does. Oh I guess Elise is important too. Her aging up just meant that Mori has become less controlling and not like the little girl who he literally sees as a tool since kids are easier to manipulate. Can’t bring that energy to an orphanage, nope!

There’s better stuff out there about Mori that I think if you’re more open to thinking about Mori after this, you should check it out, these are just my thoughts recently. To end this off, here are two links to Asagiri’s own thoughts on Mori.

[hunieday]

Momo i-HAKE! Rabbit TV - Part 3: Gentle Closeness

Episode 1 - Episode 2 - Episode 3

Please note that I am not a professional translator and I'm only doing this to share the side materials to those who cannot access them, if you notice any mistakes please let me know nicely. Enjoy!

Drum beats, don,don, don! KA-!

Momo: Sei!

Town People: Haa!

Nanase Riku & Yaotome Gaku: Sei!!

Town People: Haaaa...!!!

Momo: Ahaha! You’re all perfect! Thanks for joining in with the shout!

Nanase Riku: Next, let's raise our fists together!

Yaotome Gaku: Come on, keep it up...! You guys can shout louder...!

Town People: Waaaah...!!

Elderly Board Member: Haha, it's the first time we’re shouting along with the drums. It's so much fun.

High School Boy: It's like shouting at a live concert!

Female Office Worker: ...No way!? A backflip…!?

Little Boy: Wow...! Amazing...!!

Middle-Aged Man: What incredible power... I've seen a lot of performances, but this is completely new! 

Don, don, don, kakakaka...!!!

Town People: Waaaaah...!!!

Momo: Huff, huff…Thank you everyone…!!!

Momo: Our Japanese drum performance was a bit different from usual... How was it?

Town People: Waaaah...!

Middle-Aged Man: It was great!!

Momo: Ahaha! I'm glad...!

Yaotome Gaku: We consulted with the drums teacher and the youth group to add our own flair!

Nanase Riku: We wanted to bring a unique performance since we were invited to perform on this special day, it’s something only we as idols could offer. So we hope you enjoyed it!

Momo: The town's drum performance is so cool! We made sure to respect the tradition while adding our own touch!

Momo: This performance is for all the people who have cherished the Autumn Leaves Festival throughout generations...!

Town People: Waaaah...!

Momo: Thank you so much for letting us participate in the Autumn Leaves Festival...!  We'll be performing with the youth group next! Let's keep the excitement going until the very end!!

---

Yuki: Momo of Re:vale, you're the best.

Yuki: I felt not just the quality of your performance, but the respect you showed for the Autumn Leaves Festival.

Yuki: The townspeople must have been delighted to have their beloved festival cherished by you.

Momo: Ehehe! Thanks! I feel like I could grow wings anytime you praise me, Yuki...!

Momo: Maybe I should open a bottle in my secret wine stash to celebrate? The delivery should arrive later.

Yuki: Sounds good. Let's do it.

Momo: Yippee!

Yuki: By the way, I haven’t been to your place in a while, it’s properly tidy.

Momo: I cleaned like my life depended on it! You said you were coming over out of nowhere!

Yuki: I felt like it. It’s been a while since we both had the day off.

Momo: I stuffed all the laundry and luggage into the closet... It was hell.

Yuki: ...Is that considered cleaning? Maybe I should visit more often if it gives you a reason to tidy up.

Momo: Ugh... I'm torn between being happy you’re here and annoyed at having to clean...

Yuki: Half and half?

Momo: ...70/30.

Yuki: And the happiness is 70, right?

Momo: ...I'll just keep visiting your place from now on!

Yuki: I knew it.

Momo: W-Wait! Having Yuki over is extremely special to me...!

Yuki: Hmm. So I'm like your personal Autumn Leaves Festival?

Yuki: Once a year is enough?

Momo: Ahhh, even sulky Yuki is handsome...! ...I mean!

Momo: Any time I spend with you is always special to me!

Yuki: Then that’s fine by me ...Hehe. Momo, you're really good at making me happy.

Momo: That's my number one best skill!

Yuki: You're good at making other people happy as well. You understand what people value and show subtle consideration for them.

Yuki: I thought it was amazing to witness in the Aihake VTR too.

Momo: ...Huh? What’s this about?

Yuki: During the drums practice. You noticed our juniors were overworking themselves and took them outside for a break because you were concerned, right?

Momo: ...No, no! I just wanted to take a little break for myself.

Yuki: But it must’ve also been refreshing for Riku and Gaku themselves. I’m pretty sure they noticed how much you cared for them.

Momo: Ahaha... Yuki sees right through me. I doubt those two noticed, though—

Ding!

Momo: ...Speak of the devil. I got a message!

Yuki: From Riku and Gaku?

Momo: Yeah. We made a group chat for the three of us during Aihake.

Momo: ...Just as you said… They said "Thank you for your consideration!”...

Yuki: Hehe. See?

Momo: Ugh! That’s embarrassing...! I thought I was subtle and cool, but our juniors noticed…!

Yuki: It's not embarrassing, it's cool.

Momo: You think so...?

Yuki: You’re cool even when you’re rough.

Momo: Yuki...! 

Ding-dong

Momo: Ah! Delivery's here! I'll go get it.

Momo: I ordered a ton of organic vegetable dishes! Eat as much as you like!

Yuki: You think I can eat this much?

Momo: It's fine, it’s fine! Let's have an especially fun time tonight!

End of Episode 3.

[cirilla-fiona-riannon]

Even if I Become a Ghost (1)

This is simply a fan translation and is not intended as a replacement for the game. Expect grammatical errors.

Misfortune always comes unexpectedly, perhaps even at this very moment.

Mai: "Huh?"

Before I knew it, I was standing in the familiar hallway of the trading post.

Mai: "What was I doing again?"

(I remember I was sewing in my room, and then...)

Kicho's voice: "Mai..."

(Kicho?)

Suddenly, my thoughts were interrupted by a voice coming from Kicho's room.

(It's not yet time for him to return from work.)

(Did something happen?)

For some reason, the door was left open, so I entered the room.

(Huh?)

Kicho: ".........."

He was sitting on a chair next to the bed, gazing at someone lying down.

Mai: "Kicho?"

Kicho: ".........."

I had a bad feeling about his oblivious reaction to my voice.

(Who could possibly be in that place?)

Filled with indescribable anxiety, I approached the bed and gently peeked.

Mai: "No way..."

I staggered in shock at what I saw.

It was undoubtedly someone I knew too well.

(Why am I in the bed?)

Kicho: “Why?”

He looked down at me, lying on the bed, and furrowed his eyebrows tightly.

Kicho: “Mai, please wake up.”

(Is this a dream?)

The situation was too much for me to comprehend.

Mai: “Um, Kicho…”

Even though I called out in confusion, my voice was drowned out by hurried footsteps.

Subordinate: “Lord Kicho, excuse me.”

I turned around, and his subordinate, who had entered forcefully, approached right in front of me.

(He’s gonna bump into me!)

(Wait, what!?)

For a moment, I didn’t understand what had happened.

However, his subordinate, who should’ve collided with me, was somehow behind me.

(He just passed through my body.)

(Is that even possible?)

I quickly checked my own body and realized that my feet were transparent.

(What is this? What happened to me?)

Subordinate: “---?”

Kicho: “What’s wrong?”

Subordinate: "I just suddenly felt a chill. It was probably just my imagination."

Subordinate: "More importantly, regarding your recent appointments, I was able to reschedule everything."

Kicho: "Good work. What about the business negotiations?"

Subordinate: "Generally, there are no problems. However, when dealing with foreign merchants..."

Kicho: "Yeah, considering the language barrier, I have no choice but to go myself."

Subordinate: "I apologize for not being able to do more."

Kicho: "No, it's enough. You may leave."

Subordinate: "Yes, sir."

Once the subordinate left and closed the door, silence returned.

Kicho: "Sorry for the commotion."

He looked at me with a stern expression. His gaze, filled with bitterness, made my heart ache.

(This isn't a dream. This is reality.)

(But why is this happening?)

I desperately tried to remember everything that happened.

During the day, I was happily carrying the kimonos.

This was because I had made plans to go out with Kicho tomorrow.

------------Flashback-----------

Kicho: "Mai, it's sudden, but can you clear your schedule for tomorrow?"

Mai: "Yes. If I finish my work by the end of today, it should be okay."

Mai: "Is there any work that I can help with?"

Kicho: "No, I checked the schedule to invite you to a date."

(What? A date?)

Mai: "But you have work scheduled every day, right?"

Kicho: "I adjusted my schedule."

Kicho: "I know you're busy too. So if you don't want to go, I'll respect your decision."

(No way!)

Mai: "I'll go! Of course, I'll go."

Mai: "I'm really happy that you invited me."

Kicho: "I see. Then, let me take you to a newly opened shop at the harbor."

Mai: "Okay!"

I couldn't help but smile as he narrowed his eyes and smiled.

(Kicho's really kind to adjust his schedule just to invite me for a date.)

(I need to finish my work and prepare for tomorrow.)

I walked down the stairs, carrying the kimonos, when一

(Crap!)

---------Flashback Ends--------

My foot slipped, and my body floated in mid-air. Then, a sharp pain struck me, and that's when my memory was cut off.

(Did I become a ghost because I fell down the stairs and died?)

I didn't want to believe it, but I was undoubtedly lying on the bed.

With trembling hands due to shock and fear, I reached out to him.

My fingertips passed through him, unable to touch or grasp anything.

(No, I don't want to believe it.)

(I'm here, right now, by your side.)

Mai: "Kicho!"

Kicho: “----!”

I leaned over to cling to him, and he turned around.

I stepped back in surprise, and Kicho stared at me intently.

Kicho: "Weird. I felt like Mai called me."

(Did he notice?)

Mai: "It's not weird! It's me! I'm right here!"

Kicho: "........"

I shouted, but my voice didn't reach him.

Eventually, he shifted his gaze back to me, lying on the bed with tired eyes.

(Why? My voice reached him earlier.)

(Oh, maybe...)

Timidly, I placed my hand on top of his.

Mai: "Kicho, can you hear me?"

Kicho: "Mai?"

He stood up, looking around in disbelief.

(I knew it! I knew I could reach him this way.)

Mai: "Yes, it's me! It might be hard to believe, but I'm right in front of you. It looks like I became a ghost a little while ago."

Kicho: "A ghost?"

Mai: “I'm still confused myself.”

I told him how I fell down the stairs and found myself in front of his room.

I also clarified that my voice couldn’t reach him unless I touched him.

Kicho: “So, you’re touching me right now?”

Mai: “Yes, our hands are touching.”

Kicho: “I see.”

His stern expression slightly softened, and he wrapped both of his hands around mine.

(Usually, I could feel Kicho’s warmth, but...)

My fingertips remained cold.

Mai: “I still don’t want to believe I died in this way.”

(I still want to continue living with him.)

My voice trembled, and he raised an eyebrow.

Kicho: “What are you talking about? You’re not dead.”

Mai: “Huh?”

Kicho: "You're still alive. Your breathing is weak, but it's still there."

(Alive?)

I nervously put my face close to mine, and sure enough, my chest was moving up and down.

Mai: "You're right! Thank God. I'm still alive."

Kicho: "Yeah. You fell down the stairs yesterday and hit your head hard."

(It's been more than a day since then.)

He let out a small sigh and shifted his gaze towards me, sleeping in bed.

Kicho: "The reason you won't wake up is likely due to the severe impact."

Kicho: "But since we're in the Sengoku era, we can't really use modern technology to examine your head."

Apparently, he'd adjusted his schedule and had been constantly by my side since I collapsed.

(So I'm like a wandering soul separated from my body.)

It seemed unbelievable at first, but experiencing it firsthand left no room for doubt.

Mai: "I can't believe something like this is happening, but I'm glad I'm not dead."

(If I'm alive, I can still return to my body.)

I felt relieved, but Kicho's expression remained stern.

Kicho: "You're right. But you can't let your guard down."

Kicho: "Unlike the time you came from, this is a turbulent era where even IV drips are nonexistent."

Kicho: "Surviving in a state of unconsciousness has its limits."

(I see, so there are no devices or medication to maintain my current body.)

He reached out and gently stroked my cheek as I remained unconscious.

Kicho: "If what you say is true and you're speaking through your soul, then we need to return you to your body as soon as possible."

Part 1 ╎ Part 2 ╎ Premium ╎ Epilogue

[henrywintersdearestgirl]

I wrote this for my dearest friend @arinewneanias03

I hope you’ll like this piece, Bunny🐇 ily

After class

Reader’s point of view:

“And that is all I have planned for today!” Julian said and all of us slumped back into our seats, today was a long day. The others were even more keen to leave, it was a friday night, so the twins were rushing to the grocery store along with Francis, who just enjoyed cooking, before I blinked they were already out the door. Bunny and Richard already left, god knows where. I reached forward to finish my tea, and I stood up to get my coat on like everyone, but Julian had stopped me.

“Y/N, I wanted to talk to you about your latin translation.” This made me sit up straight, I kind of was expecting this given the fact that I did it last minute. “It wasn’t bad, but you missed the point on why Caesar had returned to the kingdom. So.. Henry!”

Henry, who was helping Julian by collecting the mismatched teacups, peeked out of the backroom. “Yes?”

“Could you, please, put on boiling water for two?” Julian sat down at his desk and motioned me to sit in the armchair in front of it.

“Of course, but… didn’t you mention that you have a meeting with the Dean today?” Henry said, leaning against the doorframe, he did say it when we started the lecture a few hours ago. I let my eyes linger on Henry, he always looked so good, especially with his crisp black trousers and white shirts, I wished I could tear them off of him. It always lit a flame in me when his shirts accidentally pulled a bit up, exposing his toned abs and sharp v-line, while he stretched his limbs out during our lessons.

Julian checked his watch and his small eyes widened a bit. “Oh dear, you’re right, I didn’t even notice how time went by so fast. Umm… The question is, what do I do with you, lovely Y/N?” He was already reaching for his coat.

Henry stepped forward and said, almost eagerly. “I could explain the text to the lovely Y/N.” He smirked when he caught me blushing.

“That is a good idea, thank you.” He put the keys down on the desk and he shot Henry a specific look that I didn’t understand, before stepping out the door. “Stay as long as you need, you’ll give me the keys tomorrow, I have a spare one at home.” He turned to me” You’re in good hands, Y/N. Be good, children!” With that, he left. We heard his footsteps until he completely left the lyceum.

Henry snapped me out of my thoughts. “Tea?”

I was nervous to be in the same room alone with him, but I had to get myself together. “Yeah, thank you.”

“Mint, a lot of honey and a little lemon?” I heard the kettle whistle, I was surprised that he knew exactly how I drank my tea.

“Exactly.” I smiled at him and he smiled back at me, more like smirked at me.

He made us tea and we moved over to the big couch, we sat with our knees touching. I could feel his manly and musky scent and warmth consuming my body. He took my translation and his from the table and analysed them for a few minutes. “Hm, the translation is almost perfect, it just seems that you used the wrong person for the accusativus, which changes the whole meaning.” He put the papers down and looked deeply into my eyes, I felt a blush creep up my cheeks again and a smile creep up my lips.

“To tell the truth, Henry, the reason that I messed it up is because I was rushing with it and I wasn’t really paying close attention to the text” I rambled.

“Tsk tsk, well that is not really nice, well… I see, but I am not letting you leave.” I was relieved and not at the same time. The past week was a long one and all I wanted was a long Friday nap, but I was about to spend quite some time with Henry Winter in a somewhat cozy office space.

“You know what lovely girls who don’t pay attention deserve?” He leaned closer and he started toying with the ends of my hair, I hoped my thighs pressing together wasn’t too noticeable.

“No?” My breath was stuck in my throat.

“We’ll go over Caesar’s story.” He whispered, almost seductively. “Be a doll and get it from the big shelf.” He commanded. With a quiet groan, which made him chuckle, I got up and went over to the massive bookcase. I looked on every shelf, but for the life of me I couldn’t find it. “Try looking on the top shelf!” He said from his position on the couch. So, I did, I couldn’t find the ladder that was usually there for the ceiling high bookshelf, so I stretched my torso as much as I could. I felt that my dress was riding up my thighs way too much, just below my butt or maybe even higher. Suddenly, I felt a pair of strong hands lifting me up by my waist to the highest shelf, and he did it so effortlessly, as if I was light as a feather. “It’s the dark blue book.” I saw it and I reached for it. I took it and I felt him turn me around in his arms, now we were face to face. I was still up a bit higher, my hair was all around our faces, but his big hands felt pleasant on my waist. Our faces were inches apart, his scent was stronger now. Out of instinct, I wrapped my legs around his waist, and he welcomed me in as if we had done this a thousand times. I was now completely in his warmth, I was so close that my breasts were pushed against his neck, and it made me blush that he was probably feeling them. One of his hands was supporting me on my lower back, and the other one reached up to caress my face. I looked closer at his face, his clean shaven jaw, his raven dark hair, his lips, the scar he had and those icy blue eyes of his. I have never seen a pair of eyes so beautiful, the scar made him ever more beautiful. I saw his eyes roaming around my face, he never saw me this up close, whatever he was looking at he felt the need to stroke with his finger. At first, he brushed my hair off my forehead. Then, he ran his hands along my cheeks, the curve of my nose, under my eyes and my lips. “What divine beauty you possess…” My breathing got heavy, which meant that my chest was repeatedly rubbing up against him. He looked down between us, and took in the sight of my cleavage with a barely audible groan, it was prominent given the fact that I was a bit leant forward in front of him. His eyes wandered from my breasts to my neck, until he looked me in the eyes again. “And this sweet scent of yours… It drives me crazy.” He took a step forward and pushed me up against the bookshelf, as he did, his hips pushed in between my spread legs, right into my centre. I felt a bit of shame at the low moan that escaped from the back of my throat, but quickly washed away when my brain registered that he also grunted at the contact.

The tension was electric. Suddenly, he took the book out of my hands and he dropped it on the floor. His hand went on the back of my neck and pulled my head close to his. “Fuck Caesar.” And he claimed my lips eagerly, I, of course, returned the kiss just as eagerly. He pushed me more and more into the bookshelf, I could feel his erection through my underwear. He pulled me closer, while still kissing me deeply, and went over to Julian’s desk. His big hands pulled my knees apart so he could nestle himself between them, my dress rid up to my waist. I was breathing heavily and on complete display for his hungry eyes.

“You’re a very sweet girl, aren’t you?” He kissed down my neck and jaw, occasionally biting and leaving marks on my untouched skin. He made his way down to my collarbone and my chest, my breath quivered from his teeth. “You’re so responsive to my touch, and just to me in general.” He pulled my arms out of my dress and slowly pushed it down to my waist, I mentally patted myself on the back for choosing a cute bra for the day. He looked like a starved man at the sight of my barely covered chest. “Beautiful, what pretty lingerie, but I want to see you without it. Show yourself to me, sweet girl, and I will do the same” His fingers motioned me to arch my back, so he could unclasp my bra. I got shy and embarrassed when my breasts were no longer covered by my lace, even if I wanted to be seen by him and taken by him, I quickly shot my arms up so I could cover them, but Henry was having none of it. His lusty gaze shifted to a softer one in a mere second, he caressed my arms that were covering my torso, his touch made me shiver. “Lovely lovely Y/N, you are the prettiest creature I ever saw, I knew this the very first time I had the pleasure of seeing you. And you do not owe me anything, if you don’t feel ready for me, I understand. But, I want to show you what a goddess you are, for I will be your devotee.” I slowly put my arms on my sides, my breasts were bare for his eyes. What he said made me feel comfortable, and so fucking in need for him. I needed him, and I needed him in that second. He had the time of his life kneading and sucking my boobs, but I grabbed his hair and pulled him up.

“Baise moi.”

His eyes had a sort of devilish look in them, and he chuckled darkly while unbuttoning his trousers. “Fuck you? Dirty girl…” He pulled his manhood out and my eyes widened, he was so thick and long. Veiny and dripping for me, he was fully hard, he was already hard when he was pushing me up against the bookcase. “And I wanted to take my time with you.” His hands wandered to my underwear and he slowly pulled it down, but he noticed how it clung to my skin due to my wetness.

“So wet already?” He had mockery in his tone.

“So hard already?” I shot back.

“Touché.” He yanked my underwear down. He pushed my knees up and spread my legs. His tip was begging to be inside me, the throbbing of it proved it. Henry took his pointer and middle finger to circle at my sensitive clit. “I should have known you were going to be this naughty… Walking around here, acting so sweet. But, I could see you. These short skirts and dresses, that only rid up your thighs and revealed your barely covering panties, when I was looking. Coincidence, dear?”

He slowly slipped into me and we both gasped, when he felt me get used to his size he started pounding into me relentlessly. We both had a lot of pent up sexual tension towards each other. “Oh, Henry! Please!”

He slowed down out of teasing. “Please what? Please fuck me harder? Deeper?”

“Deeper!” I moaned out loudly. I thought that he was going to spread my legs wider, so it was a surprise when he leaned down closer to me and threw one of my legs over his shoulder, my other one he wrapped around his waist. When I felt him hit that sweet spot inside of me, I was a mess, I felt even more wetness gather around him.

“Well, well…” he said in a low voice, his constant moving taking on a strain on his voice, but he still toon the effort to talk dirty to me, knowing that it turned me on. “No one ever hit that spot inside you, huh?” I nodded with closed eyes and a thrown back head. My throat was completely exposed for him, and he took advantage of it and kissed my skin, my eyes rolled into the back of my head. “Oh my, you are making a mess on me, lovely Y/N, what a gorgeous sight. Will you let me make a mess in you?”

Even if I was on the pill, I never let a man ejaculate inside me, but with Henry? Gladly. “Yes, please! I want to feel it!”

His thrust slowed down, only so he could stab more deeply into my cervix. He brought his head, so now we were eye to eye. “Ever had a man come inside you?” His eyes were soft. I shyly shook my head, as shyly as I could while getting fucked on a desk. He stroked my hair. “You will like it, most women tend to enjoy the feeling of getting filled. Don’t you worry, my sweet, I will make sure to really fill this sweet pussy.”

He reached down between us and rubbed my clit, which dropped me over the edge in seconds. When my walls clamped down on him, he let out a guttural moan and I felt the hot sensation of his seed painting me from the inside. Feeling so close to him, I reached up and pulled him down into an embrace, he wrapped his strong arms around me and we just stayed like that until we could breathe properly.

“If that what I get for fucking my translation up, maybe I need to do it more.” I chuckled.

His hand suddenly wrapped around my throat, yeah, that shut me up quite quickly. “The sweet Y/N wants to get punished, oh… You have seen nothing yet.”

He pulled out and kneeled before me. He watched as his own seed dripped out of my entrance like it hypnotised him, when it nearly dripped down he gathered it on his fingers and pushed it back. My legs twitched at the sudden contact on my sensitive parts. He looked up at me with a sly and smug grin, slowly he dived down. “Henry-what are yo-“ he pushed my now correct translation into my hands and wrapped his arms around my thighs to keep me in place, while giving my clit a little kiss.

“You are going to read it out for me. If I hear a tiny mistake, mispronunciation or even a moan, you are starting from the beginning.”

[tessenpai]

Kono Oto Tomare Chapter 128 Scans and Rough TL

Disclaimer: Please DO NOT use this translation to make your own TL of the chapter!! The KOT TL group works very hard to give you the most accurate translation, that does as much justice to the original script as possible. This is a ROUGH translation. That means is faulty and there must be mistakes in certain places. This is just for impatient people like myself to get a grasp on what is going on in the chapter! You can REFERENCE my TL if you want to discuss the chapter but never USE it as it was your own.

Scans: https://klz9.com/jxsh-kono-oto-tomare-raw-chapter-128.html

Page 1

Sign: Judge's Waiting Room.

Side Text: It's Tokise's turn. The competition's second day begins...

Chapter Title: #128 Dull Footsteps

Judge Tatsumi: !

Judge Tatsumi: Agata-sensei, Kurokawa-sensei. Good morning. You are both early, I see.

Page 2

Judge Agata: No, we just arrived ourselves.

Judge Tatsumi: Did you get enough rest yesterday?

Judge Agata: Well, yes.

Judge Tatsumi: I was so excited I didn't sleep a wink!

Judge Tatsumi: To think high school clubs would display such high level!

Judge Tatsumi: And today Ichiei, the best in the nation, will play. I truly can not wait.

Judge Kurokawa: Certainly, they have won for 5 consecutive years.

Judge Tatsumi: Exactly! That is amazing---

Judge Kurokawa: Then again, Ichiei's members are all children who aim to become professionals, so it's to be expected that they are at a completely different level.

Judge Tatsumi: You may be right about that but... Yesterday's Meiryo and Chibana's performances were perfect

Judge Tatsumi: I can't imagine what could possibly surpass that.

Page 3

Judge Tatsumi: ---Also, there is one school that has picked my interest.

Judge Kurokawa: !

Judge Kurokawa: Aah, you mean that problematic school...

Judge Kurokawa: They are out of the question, I would say.

Judge Kurowaka: How could they cause such a commotion and not get suspended?

Judge Tatsumi: They did explain to us that the students weren't really at fault for the incident.

Judge Kurokawa: Where there is smoke, there is fire. It's detrimental to the other students as well.

Judge Kurokawa: At least we, the judges, should give a proper and fair evaluation---

Judge Agata: Are you not planning to judge them solely based on their performance?

Judge Kurokawa: Eh...?

Page 4

Judge Agata: Excuse me but, it sounded to me like you are planning on lowering your rating over areas irrelevant to the performance, so…

Judge Kurokawa: ...I'm sorry you see it that way. To begin with, I don't believe you can separate the performance from the performer.

Judge Kurokawa: For instruments and music... Attitude. Courtesy, Respect... I believe those things are included in the performance.

Judge Kurokawa: And I will most definitely consider them in my judgment.

Judge Kurokawa: --Well, I don't know if you would understand this, Agata-sensei, since you are a musician who always does new things, like collaborating with other genres and using unusual performance methods without respecting the traditions.

Page 5

Judge Agata: I have never disrespected tradition.

Judge Arata: I am trying to explore all of its possibilities while cherishing it.

Judge Tatsumi: Now, now.

Judge Tatsumi [thoughts]: Man... These two are a pain in the ass as per usual...

Judge Tatsumi [thoughts]: ---Then again, the school in question... I feel sorry for the Tokise kids.

Judge Tatsumi[thoughts]: Even in the unlikely event that they make it to the top

Judge Tatsumi [thoughts]: I can clearly see the bashing we would receive from other schools and their parents.

Judge Tatsumi [thoughts]: I want to avoid that kind of hassle.

Page 6

Judge Tatsumi [thoughts]: But that doesn't mean I wouldn't be conscience-stricken if I lowered my ranking because of that.

Judge Tatsumi [thoughts]: At the end of the day

Judge Tatsumi [thoughts]: It will be fine as long as Tokise's performance is not that good.

Judge Nanba: Good morning---

Judge Tatsumi: Nanba-sensei, Iwagaki-san, good morning.

Judge Tatsumi [thoughts]: --My... to think I could be so calculating and cowardly.

Judge Tatsumi [thoughts]: I think I have become one boring adult.

Page 7

Isaki [thoughts]: I was a bit late to leave. I wonder if I can still ambush Takaoka-kun.

Isaki [thoughts]: Also, I wonder if Uzuki will be waiting for me

Isaki [thoughts]: If not… well, that's the path he chose for himself.

???: Isaki.

Page 8

Isaki: Eh?

Tetsuki: ...

Tetsuki: ...Whatever, I've already gotten used to it. This pattern.

Tetsuki: Alright, fine. I will get in.

Page 9

Isaki: ...Takaoka-kun, sorry.

Tetsuki: Eh?

Isaki: For every time I've taken you forcibly on a drive, I have not once felt an ounce of regret about it. If anything I enjoyed seeing how much you hated it.

Tetsuki: What?

Isaki: But today

Isaki: I regret it from the bottom of my heart. I'm very sorry.

Tetsuki: What's with that, suddenly? I'm scared now.

Isaki: Well, first off, get in.

Tetsuki: I reaally don't want to...

Isaki: Just do it

Tetsuki: Whaa---...

Page 10

*No text*

TL/N: Welcome to spooky season.

Page 11

Tetsuki: ----... Uh... umm...

Tetsuki [thoughts]: Don't... tell me

Tetsuki [sfx]: Turns

Isaki: Yup, as expected you are quick on the uptake.

Isaki: -----

Page 12

Isaki: That's Chika's father.

Chika(?): No joke, the air is so crisp and clear the moment you arrive at the venue!

Mittsu(?): It feels like something is about to happen

Satowa(?): Aren't there more people than yesterday?

Chika(?): Ah, you are right.

Suzuka: Well, it's Ichiei's, the Nation's number one, turn. Also--

Page 13

Student 1: Aren't those the Tokise people?

Student 2: Woah, they are.

Student 3: They do kinda stick out like a sore thumb...

Student 4: They really came...

Sane: Ri... right...

Suspicious men: Did you take it?

Chika: !

Satowa: Kudou?

Tsukaji: Hello, you guys!

Tsukaji: How are you feeling?

Page 14

Chika: Old man!

Tsukaji: Did you get proper sleep yesterday?

Chika: Ye- yeah

Suspicious guy 1: Who's that dude. Get outta the way---

Komaki: Whaaat---

Komaki: Are these Peeping Toms what I'm seeing here? Oh gosh, scaaryy-

Tsurugi: Security, over here--!

Suspicious guy 1: Shut up. What the hell!

Suspicious guy 2: Hey, let's just go.

Tsurugi: What? You shut up!!

Tsurugi: Are you ok?

Suzuka: I'm sorry. Thank you very much.

Student 1: Even voyeurs.

Student 2: Well, isn't this their own fault?

Page 15

Student 3: Isn't it because Tokise has come that people with no civility have gathered here?

Student 4: This is really bothersome.

Tsukaji: Ugh---

Chika: Old ma...

Sane: It's all good, Tsukaji-san.

Sane: I don't mean to brag here, but we are used to playing in hostile fields

Page 16

Mittsu: You really are bragging---

Satowa: Well, we have certainly got used to it.

Satowa: To people (audibly) talking behind our backs and being looked at with disdain.

Takezou [thoughts]: They really do have thick skin... Should I be happy about that...?

Hiro: Hozuki-chan is growing so fast.

Takezou [thoughts]: Ah but, what about the first years---

Atsumu: I used to get bullied! The fact that you guys are with me now makes me feel so at ease!

Natsu: I don't care about other people.

Takezou [thoughts]: Aah, so strong.

Sane: Wahaha we know, Momoya.

Page 17

Sane: Well, that's how it is. So you don't have to---

Tsukaji: I'm so touched...

Sane: Whaat--...?

Tetsuki [thoughts]: ...Isaki-san.

Isaki [thoughts]: ...Yes.

Page 18

Tetsuki [thoughts]: What is this ride from hell?

Isaki [thoughts]: Sorry. I'm really sorry...

Isaki [thoughts]: My brother didn't even contact me, he just suddenly appeared...!!

[flashback begins]

Chika's Father: ---Isaki

Isaki: Eh?

Isaki: Wai- what!? Bro- brother!?

Isaki: Wha- no way. Why are you here!? Don't tell me you came to listen to the performance!?

Page 19

Chika's Father: ...

Isaki: Ah, no.

Isaki: Sorry, I totally thought you were not coming. You gave me a start.

Chika's Father: I'm going back.

Isaki: What!?

Isaki: Now, wait a second. Why are you so bent out of shape over this? Didn't it take a lot of determination to come here!?

Isaki: And didn't you come all the way to where I'm staying hoping I could give you some room with Chika!?

Page 20

Chika's Father: ...I haven't really thought about something like that.

Chika's Father: I don't want to see him.

Isaki: ...Then why did you come all they way to this place.

Chika's Father: ...

Chika's Father: ... ....

Isaki [sfx]: Pissed

Isaki: Whatever, I gotta go pick those two up. For the time being, just get in the car, Brother!!

[end flashback]

Isaki[thoughts]: Maybe I was too reckless---

Page 21

Isaki [thoguths]: No, but if I let him like that, I'm sure Brother would've gone back...

Isaki [thoughts]: Even so, this atmosphere is so heavy---

Tetsuki: Um.

Tetsuki: Is today perhaps... your day off from work?

Isaki [thougths]: Takaoka-kun...

Chika's Father: No...

Tetsuki: Ah, that means you took a vacation day to come here, then.

Chika's Father [sfx]: Glare...

Tetsuki [thoughts]: Woah

Isaki: Hold on!! You drop that rude attitude towards Takaoka-kun right now, you stupid brother.

Chika's Father: !

Page 22

Isaki: He has always been beside Chika supporting him, and the reason he is able to smile now is because of Takaoka-kun!

Isaki: Instead of glaring at him shouldn't you be thanking him?

Chika's Father: ...I ...See.

Chika's Father: ... ... Sorry...

Tetsuki: Ah, not at all...

Isaki[thoughts]: A man who won't say"Thank you"...

Page 23

Chika's Father: ...Are you also his... friend?

Tetsuki & Isaki: !!

Uzuki: ...No. I'm...

Uzuki: The person who vandalized Chika's Granpa's place and then framed Chika as the culprit.

Tetsuki & Isaki [thoguths]: Geh....!!!!

Page 24

Chika's Father: Wha...

Uzuki: Also, recently, to make Chika look bad, I edited a video where he was helping out a kid from being harassed, posted it on social media, and it became trending.

Tetsuki: He- Hey, Uzuki Are you serious...

Chika's Father: ..Wha

Chika's Father: What... Are you saying...?

Chika's Father: You mean that incident, it wasn't the guys he hung out with---

Isaki: I don't know how many times I've told you, Chika had nothing to do with it.

Chika's Father: But... The fact that he was the cause of it is true, isn't it!?

Isaki: ...Trying to become happy... He grabbed onto Dad's hand, that's all.

Chika's Father: Hu...

Page 25

Uzuki: Fu ...If you had really looked at Chika.

Uzuki: You would have easily known that.

Isaki: Uzuki-kuuun?? You are right, but that is not something you should be saying, is it?

Isaki: You have no right to reproach my brother.

Page 26

Uzuki: ... I'm sorry...

Tetsuki [thoughts]: ...What is this ride from hell... (Second time)

Isaki [thoghts]: I promise I will invite you to eat expensive meat.

[flashback]

Chika's Father: You are a disgrace!!

Chika's Father: In your 3rd year of middle school, and you can't tell the difference between what is right and what is wrong to do!?

Isaki: Wait, Brother! Stop it, we are in front of Dad.

Chika's Father: You stay out of it!

Chika's Father: What's with those eyes. If you have an excuse, then say it

Chika: ...Nah, not really.

Page 27

Chika's Father: What did you say?

Chika: Whatever, I don't care.

Chika [memory]: Dad

Chika [memory]: Dad

Chika[distorted]: D a d...

Page 28

Chika: I don't give a shit about what you think about me anymore.

Chika [memory]: I'm sorry for being born.

[end flashback]

Page 29

Chika's Dad [thoughts]: Even if there is a person right next to me who framed my son for a crime.

Chika's Dad [thoughts]: Even if that person spits sarcasm at me.

Page 30

Chika's Dad [thoughts]: The right to be angry about such a thing.

Chika's Dad [thoughts]: I don't have it.

Sane: I'm glad we can sit together.

Kota: Riight?---

Page 31

Takezou's Mom: Takezou! Takezou!

Takezou: Ah

Chika: Your mom and dad?

Takezou: Yeah...

Chika: Wahaha You look just like your mom!!

Page 32

Assistant: Ichiei High School, you have 10 minutes before leaving.

Kifune-sensei: Yes, thank you. Ok, guys, let's get ready to leave---...

Page 33

Kifune-sensei: Mi...

Luka: Miran, it's time.

Page 34

Akira: If I remember correctly, Ichiei was playing 4th, right?

Suzuka: Yes.

Akira: Um... Did you notice? Ichiei's parts. Before, they---...

Suzuka: Aah, yes.

Program:

Solo - Luka Chevalier

1st Koto - Hoshou Sao

2nd Koto: Hanahata Imari

3rd Koto: Saotome Miran

17-Stringed Koto: Takamura Togo

Suzuka: Apparently, they have no intention of giving up first place this year either.

Side Text: The new interpretation of [Tomfoolery] that Luka and Miran's exchange has sparked is---...

---Kono Oto Tomare! will continue on the next issue!---

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

As per usual, I was talking to a client this week about autistic cognitive processing and I felt the sand shifting under my feet. So I come here to you Tumblr to do my own autistic cognitive processing in the hopes of better serving myself and my clients.

I have known for a long time that I can't process my thoughts and emotions verbally. This is what sometimes leads to me getting frustrated, "stuck," and increasingly pressurized towards my meltdown threshhold when I'm trying to express a half-formed thought or need. This is why I often choose to process my cognition in writing. It allows me to sift about in the sands of my mind, sliding to and fro, checking and rechecking, until I find what I need.

There is something to the capacity to shape my communication more freely and without the preesure that I put myself under which often leads to stammering, stuttering, aphasia, confusion, and my inability to hold something as ephemeral as language in my head long enough to manipulate it like clay with my hands. Words are not my brain's mother tongue in the first place, and it can be a welcome relief to truly take the slowed pace I need to translate my thoughts into a language others will understand.

Some others. I am well aware of who I learned my translation process from and of how that has made my translations inaccessible to some of the very people who share my brain.

The thing is, to learn to speak at all when your brain processes this slowly takes enormous effort. To learn to CHANGE your speech is back breaking. I have been trying for fifteen years.

Autistic cognitive processing pace and the disabling ramifications aren't things we talk about often. It's one reason some of us become obsessed with having back up plan upon back up plan (because we literally cannot think fast enough to keep up with the demands of our lives). It's one of the fastest paths to burnouts and meltdowns. It's part of why we are unable to keep up with the demands of social interactions, especially in large groups (too many social cues moving too quickly to be processed at pace and we drop the ball in the moment even if we realize later).

Because the pace of our cognition is chronically slowed, we are chronically disabled socially, emotionally, cognitively, etc, and we are forced to spend an incredible amount of mental and physical energy either compensating for that, recovering from it, or both. That is energy and resources neurotypical people get to spend on other things in their lives, maybe a project or hobby, a relationship, hell, just relaxing.

There can be upsides to it. This slowed cognition seems to be related to how the process of bottom-up analysis functions during cognitive processes in Autistic folks' brains. That bottom-up analysis is a really interesting cognitive processing style that seems to be responsible for increased pattern recognition! So a lot of how we're able to analyze, learn, understand, mimic, etc based on pattern recognition is thanks to this processing style. It helps us take in a holisticly detail oriented view of the things we look at, which can (with support) make us great researchers, investigative journalists, and inventers.

But while the upsides have become more discussed as we've become more willing to see Autism itself as neutral (a very good thing in my opinion), we sometimes forget the other side of the coin.

I often find myself trying to brute force my way through my processing pace. It always ends badly. And that's really the trouble. I can talk most of the time, but I can talk A LOT faster than I can process my thoughts. So most of the time my words are just. Garbage. Sounds. If you ask my to speak to you, you are asking me to fill up soundwaves because realistically my brain moves at about 25% of the speed of the conversation.

It's why as a clinician I have to be so incredibly careful what I do and say and how I hear my clients because I *truly* am processing what the tell me at auch a significant delay. It can sometimes be days later when the information truly settles into place.

The same is obviously true in my personal life! It can take me days or even weeks to figure out what a single thought or feeling means in the context of my own life because I have to process that often entirely alone or just on paper. Not because no on one WOULD help me I have people in my life who would be willing but because by the time talking to someone would be any help, I would have basically figured it out enough to just say it out loud and I don't really need their help by then. There are rare exceptions to this when I do definitely seek help but it can be so frustrating to be trapped, voiceless, in your own emotions.

I don't have a framework for this, only the suggestion to embrace the slowness. I have found that when you are not constantly fighting against it all the time, it feels a little more like home, a little more like it's working FOR your instead of AGAINST you.

[nightghoul381]

Nokto 3rd Anniversary Event

A Beast's Dream Realized by Beauty

Premium End

This a fan translation so it is definitely not 100% accurate. I do not own anything related to Ikemen Prince. Support Cybird by buying their amazing stories!

Part 1 | Part 2 | Premium End | Epilogue

Licht was always cheerful and always had a smile on his face.

I was the one who stole Licht’s expression.

At that time, it was difficult to be in the court and I couldn’t stay sane--.

I chose to run away as soon as possible so I didn’t have to look at Licht, who had lost his emotions.

--Past—

Sariel: “A short term, study abroad program in Benitoite?”

Nokto: “Yes. As a prince, learning the basics of business is by no means a bad thing.”

Nokto: “Please, Sariel.”

Sariel: “…I understand. I’ll ask His Majesty the King.”

Sariel: “By the way, are you going alone?”

Nokto: “That’s what I mean to do. I don’t need an attendant.”

Sariel: “…”

When I talked about the short term, study abroad idea, I couldn’t look Sariel in the eye.

At that point, it was like admitting there was something to regret.

Woman: “Prince Nokto, aren’t you enjoying studying abroad?”

Nokto: “What…?”

It was a question that came up suddenly when I came to Benitoite and got used to life.

The couple, who were young at the time, had agreed to take care of him at the request of His Majesty the King of Rhodolite.

They were always concerned about the young prince.

Nokto: “It’s fun. It’s fun to learn things you don’t know.”

Woman: “I hope so… we have never seen you smile.”

Nokto: “…That’s not…”

Woman: “Yes, it is. And not once have you laughed.”

It was a shock.

Unlike Licht, my expression was still alive.

At least, I thought so.

But that was my imagination.

I panicked and peered into a nearby window.

My face reflected was empty.

Man: “Boys around your age laugh like idiots, play around, and act naughty.”

Nokto: “…”

I still can’t forget the pained faces of the couple.

On the day Licht lost his emotion, it seemed I had lost mine as well.

I don’t know where I left it, or if I could even find it…

However, such an excuse is not allowed.

“That day”, I was protected by Licht.

There’s no way I should lose my emotions while being protected.

Licht should not be burdened anymore… I thought so at least.

Nokto: “…Smile, me.”

I stood in front of my mirror and tried to move my facial muscles.

I didn’t know what kind of face I should make. I force myself to move them as if they were clearing up the sins I had been running away from.

Day in and day out, everyday—I practiced and practiced.

Woman: “Prince Nokto, you’ve been smiling recently.”

Nokto: “Sorry for worrying you. Maybe it’s because I’ve finally gotten used to life.”

Thus began the liar’s smile.

--End Past—

Benitoite’s annual antique market was bustling with people, left and right.

It’s good that Emma suggested I help out at the stall that the elderly couple is opening.

Silvio: “What are you doing here?”

(…and here comes trouble.)

I had been preparing myself for the possibility that he might come, but…

When faced with the continent’s richest man, who exemplifies the dreams and aspirations of merchants, one can’t help but sigh.

Nokto: “Can’t you see?”

Silvio: “I’m askin’ because I don’t understand. It’s like you’re a different person.”

Nokto: “A different person?”

Silvio: “I’ve been watchin’ for a while, but you don’t always look like you’re lying when ya laugh.”

Silvio: “It’s the first time I’ve seen you play like a kid, ya fox bastard, and it gives me goosebumps.”

Nokto: “Huh? I’m not playing around that much.”

Silvio: “Should I hold up a mirror for ya? You’re a lot more cheerful that you think you are.”

(…I didn’t know. I guess even I can get carried away sometimes.)

(No, there are a lot of times. Ever since I met Emma I’ve been thrown off kilter.)

Not only Silvio, but even Emma, who is supposed to be on my side, is smiling.

Apparently, I really am in high spirits.

I used to only be able to smile to ‘lie’, but now I’m having fun.

(It’s my first time doing business like this that had nothing to do with public affairs, but I guess I unexpectedly like it.)

(“I want to be a merchant” The beginning of my dream wasn’t a good one.)

--Flashback—

Licht: “Hey, Nokto. Do you think mama will be kinder after you leave the castle?”

Nokto: “I think so, because it’s all the castle’s fault.”

Nokto: “Mama looks sad and we’ve been told lots of things…”

Nokto: “If there’s no more things to torment mama, surely…”

Licht: “…That’s true. Well then, I’ll find out where I want to go from mama.”

Licht: “I want to run away to a place mama likes anyway.”

Nokto: “Then I’ll think of a way to earn money.”

Nokto: “I need money to escape… should I become a merchant?”

Licht: “You’re smart Nokto, so you can definitely become a merchant.”

Nokto: “I guess so… I’ll try. If I make a lot of money, I’ll buy sweets for you, Licht.”

Licht: “Really? It’s a promise!”

--End Flashback—

(I’m sure Licht remembers, too.)

(…It’s an ordinary dream, but for us it was heavy.)

The earnest wish that clings to the dream of becoming a ‘merchant’ is not something that can be said out loud.

(At first, it was still good, but one day ‘ becoming a merchant’ meant ‘escaping from Licht.’)

(I’m a coward.)

(…I’m a shameful coward.)

(I thought so, but I didn’t realize it was ‘fun’…)

Emma: “…The current Nokto doesn’t want to run away, does he?”

The antique market closed with great success and I walked with Emma on the beach dyed in the twilight.

In the end, the antiques prepared by the old couple were sold, and a strange sense of accomplishment was in my heart.

Perhaps it was because of such a feeling that I became light-hearted.

When I told her the other reason for my dream of being a ‘merchant’,  Emma hugged me without saying a word.

Emma: “The Nokto I know forgot to take a break because he’s such a hard-working person.”

Emma: “So I don’t think you need to beat yourself up about it now.”

Nokto: “Yeah, I guess so.”

(Even if you blame me, the past won’t change.)

It’s true that he didn’t run away. You don’t need to blame me.

(Thanks to Emma, I learned that ‘wanting to be a merchant’ wasn’t just about ‘wanting to run away.’)

Maybe it’s because I’ve lived my life with my expressions and emotions covered with lies.

Perhaps even the pure interest I had as a child had disappeared.

But over time, I met my true self that Emma had found.

That is terribly heartbreaking.

(The fact that I wasn’t studying abroad just because I wanted to run away is, in a sense, a salvation for me.)

(…Licht is the one who should be saved.)

Nokto: “…”

(The reason I had Emma meet the old Benitoite couple was because I knew I couldn’t hide my cowardice from them.)

(I brought you here because it was just the right opportunity, but actually…)

(…maybe I really just wanted someone to forgive me for my past weakness.)

(No, the more I think about it, the more I hate myself…)

Nokto: “Hey, don’t let me think anything right now.”

Emma: “…okay.”

When I asked her for it, Emma cupped my cheeks in her hands as if she knew everything.

Our lips pressed together feels so good, and once I taste it, I want it endlessly.

I was so absorbed in it, I forgot to breathe.

The more I try, the more the pain fades.

(I’m better now because of Emma.)

(I don’t want to run away, and I want to atone for my sins in my own way.)

(That’s why I’m often overworked.)

There are times when I can’t see it myself that Emma takes care of me and suggests vacations.

Emma: “Are you okay…?”

At the end of the long kiss, Emma’s eyes met mine.

Nokto: “I’m sorry for that.”

(Maybe it wasn’t a pleasant kiss.)

When I stroked her hair with the intention of apologizing, Emma suddenly narrowed her eyes.

Emma: “Nokto, you’re making a face that tells me it’s still not enough.”

Nokto: “Oh, you understand?”

With a deceptive smile, a thin finger caressed my lips.

Emma: “…Okay. Kiss me until you’re satisfied.”

Nokto:” I don’t know if someone will come, is that okay?” 3103

(You said no in the city for that reason.)

Emma: “There’s no one right now. If it’s just a kiss…”

(You’re so sweet, you probably know how I’m feeling right now.)

(…)

(…just for today.)

(Tomorrow, I’ll do it properly again.)

Relying on Emma’s kindness, she takes my breath away again.

I bit her lips, entwined her tongue, and tasted every inch of her mouth…but I didn’t feel like stopping today.

[loemius]

hi! just wanna say that your blog looks super interesting and i'm glad i came across it 😊 i'm wondering if you have any advice for someone new getting into hellenic polytheism. i have been really delving into my views on spirituality and religion for the first time in my life over the past year. i've been venerating Hekate a lot because of the deep calling i feel towards her. i've been thinking more and more about properly worshipping the other gods in the pantheon as well. i've always been very interested in all the mythology too. it feels right to start on so many levels but i am also so nervous at the same time :')

khaire!! thank you very much for your ask!! i'm very touched that you enjoy my blog so much and would ask for my advice. i'd love to give you some, with the caveat that i am absolutely not an expert or an authority and still have a lot to learn myself. i'm literally just a guy who loves the theoi a lot and does my best to worship them and honor them. this got very long so im gonna put this under a cut

first, i would encourage you to work past your nervousness. remember that historically speaking, children worshipped the theoi! there's plenty of evidence of this, from the rituals that youths would do as they became adults (such as cutting a lock of hair and offering it to the river [see iliad book 23 and pausanias 2.32.1 for primary sources on this, as a starting point]) or epithets like kourotropos (roughly translated to 'child nurturer', many theoi have this epithet, including hekate!). don't be scared of them. the theoi are gracious and good, and imo, they're very understanding. when i first started out, i prayed and basically said 'i'm new to this, i want to jump in and do my best, but i'm still learning. please be gentle and understanding to me as i embark on this path, and please guide me to worship you as you see fit.' i think being upfront about it really helps. i see a lot of people say that they want to worship but don't feel like they've done enough research or aren't ready for whatever reason. but you also have to start somewhere, and experience is a valuable tool on this path. it enriches your research to be doing it with a purpose, imo. you have to start somewhere yknow? as long as you're respectful, the theoi will be understanding, imo. i would highly, HIGHLY suggest you spend a lot of time researching. theoi.com is an invaluable resource. i also suggest perseus.edu, which is a digital library that has a wide collection of primary sources, including the epics and plays. i personally suggest the homeric hymns as a starting point, as most of them are rather short and approachable and make fantastic prayers to read aloud. i also suggest reading the epics and plays if you're able. secondary sources are also good. greek religion by walter burkert is a good source. i also suggest understanding greek religion by jennifer larson. people have a lot of divisive opinions on this one, but i think household worship by labrys can be a helpful source for what to do when it actually comes to doing your own worship and rituals. i also like hellenion as a source. use your discretion and critical thinking with all these sources. no one source is perfect. compare and contrast, look for biases, cross check. also, get interdisciplinary with it! look into theology, archeology, anthropology, philosophy, classics. don't be afraid to look in multiple places for information to piece it all together.

another suggestion i have is to spend some time immersing yourself in greek culture, both ancient and modern. religion and culture are deeply intertwined, and understanding the specific ways in which greeks view things will help you greatly. and look outside of greece too! ancient greece had a lot of contact with other areas of the world like italy, the middle east, and egypt, even india, and this absolutely influenced the religion and culture. be respectful to mediterranean people, and listen and elevate their voices. i very much like the blogs @/gemsofgreece and @/alatismeni-theitsa. you're not just learning about a religion, but an entire culture that still exists in the world today. here's my general worship advice: cleansing is important, but it doesn't have to be anything more than washing your hands before an offering or ritual. if you have a space for the theoi, try to keep it clean. offerings can be as simple or grand as you like. i find a lot of beauty in the simple things. a glass of water or sharing a meal goes a LONG way. clean, fresh water was a very coveted thing in the ancient world, so sharing a glass of water is honestly one of my favorite offerings. you can share your meal by praying over it and inviting the theoi to eat the steam/smells of the meal, or you could set aside a little plate for them if you wanted to (NOTE: traditionally, it is considered taboo to share offerings with kthonic deities. they were traditionally buried, and libations were poured onto the ground. in the modern day, i think setting things aside to be appropriately disposed of later or pouring things down the drain can be an acceptable substitute. its fine to share with ouranic deities!). really, just find little ways to involve them in your day to day life. pray. pray a lot, about anything, big or small. express gratitude to the theoi for the things you appreciate in your life, and share your struggles with them. it doesn't have to be formal (but it should be respectful). nurture your connections with the theoi and allow them to nurture you right back. do not feel obligated to share every part of your practice, especially online. keeping things to yourself or a close group of trusted friends can really be beneficial to you. truthfully i only post like .5% of my practice on this website. inherently, polytheistic practice in the modern day is a very personal practice. what might be a sign to you might not be to others. imo, the theoi reach out to us in ways that make sense to us, with the context and knowledge we have available, and that means its not always going to make sense to others. your practice should be for you and nobody else.

when it comes down to it, i suppose my advice is simple. research and just reach out. realize you're going to make mistakes sometimes (i have!) but as long as you have good intentions and respect the theoi, you'll be just fine. mistakes are a part of growing. don't beat yourself up over them -- use them as an opportunity to learn. we're only human, and the gods know this. your practice is going to change as you develop relationships with the theoi and learn more about them. things you might have resonated with at one point might not hit the same later on down the road, and thats okay! embrace that as a feature of polytheism, not a flaw. i realize i've given a lot of advice and this can be rather overwhelming. i've given you multiple places to start researching, and i absolutely was overwhelmed (and still am sometimes) with just how much information is out there. that is a blessing in hellenic polytheism. not every polytheistic religion has that wealth of information available, so take advantage of it, but do it in a way that's approachable for you. since you're interested in hekate, i would highly suggest you start with looking into deipnon . tldr its a monthly holiday on the new moon that honors hekate and her role in leading spirits, as well as purification for a new month. cleaning and purification of your home, food offerings, and charity acts are all great ways to honor this holiday. from there, you can easily incorporate noumenia and agaithos daimon (holidays to celebrate the beginning of a new month, usually devoted to zeus and other household gods such as apollon). ive really went off on a tangent here, so i'll cut myself off here. thank you again for asking a fantastic question, and i hope my answer can be of assistance to you and anyone else who might be in your position. may the gods bless you and look after you, and guide you with a kind hand as you embark on this journey. and have a great day and a fantastic meal friend <3

[beauty-and-passion]

I think I perfectly know what you’re talking about, so let me tell you some trivia.

When someone acts very defensive about something, in Italy we say that they have “la coda di paglia” (which can be translated as “they have a straw tail”). This saying comes from an old tale of a fox, whose tail was cut off by a trap. The animal was so ashamed, that its friends decided to give it a straw tail, so beautiful that anyone could never have suspected it was fake.

But one day a rooster let this secret slip away and once the peasants knew about the straw tail of the fox, they lit fires near the chicken coops, so that the fox could no longer steal their chickens anymore: straw catches fire very easily and so the fox was forced to stay away.

From this story comes the expression “having a straw tail”, which means fearing any kind of criticism for a behavior they are well aware of. If you have a straw tail, if you have bad behavior or did something wrong, you know it. And so, you act defensive to hide it.

Thomas is doing exactly that. He’s getting very defensive over simple questions, he’s making childish excuses in a desperate attempt to show how good he is, but all he’s doing is showing us he knows he’s in the wrong.

So here are the tweets you (probably) wanted me to talk about and yes, I will talk about them both (special thanks to @transfemlogan​​ who posted them on Tumblr first).

Those are both very recent tweets, but let’s start with the first one dated October 2022:

Okay, let’s recap everything Thomas did wrong here.

1) That person was not pressuring nor threatening him. They asked a simple, genuine question and they did it very politely and very calmly. This wasn’t an angry fan. And yet, Thomas went in full passive-aggressive mode, as if that person was insulting him. This is the best example of what “having a straw tail” means.

2) “Keeping people posted” means giving real updates, not a vague “working on the script” written months ago. It means telling people how much has been written, if he’s close to the end or not, how long he thinks it will take to reach the end, what his plans are, even if he’s just working on the actual script or not because he’s doing other stuff. Those are updates.

3) “Updating to the extent that I feel comfortable doing” is just a more convoluted way to say “I do not have any real update, so I am giving you crumbs, because this is all I have”. But he’s hiding it behind the excuse of “I’m taking care of myself”, which could’ve worked years ago, but after three years it’s not so convincing anymore.

4)  Pressuring someone to deliver content is not healthy nor productive, but if someone is clearly doing nothing, some pressure makes the work done. As a writer, I learned long ago that, if I want things to get done, I have to do them. I won’t enjoy the whole process and there will be times I don’t really want to do it, but it’s the only way to do stuff. You can’t wait forever for the inspiration to come because, flash news, it won’t magically fall from the sky.

And sure, taking care of yourself is important too, but using your well being as an excuse to always postpone is just laziness.

5) Since Mr. Sanders is thirty-three years old and not five, I think he is old enough to accept someone asking him what is going on with the season finale and not overreact like he did. I could understand if he was a teen, but when you’re 33 you’re old enough to deal with something as simple as a question.

Oh and since I’m here talking about this post and since Mr. Sanders didn’t do it, I would like to formally apologize to the person who wrote that question. You did nothing wrong, dear. Your question was valid and polite and I am sure that another, more mature person would’ve given you the proper reply you deserved.

And if any of you is curious, would you like to know what the real answer to that question was? “The season finale is not here at all, because I am barely working on the script. And I am barely working on the script, because I don’t know how to handle it. And I don’t know how to handle it, because I am not a writer - but I want to write it anyway”. Here’s your answer, you’re welcome.

Believe me, I hope to be proven wrong, but this is what I got from Thomas’ over-the-top reaction. And if any of you think I am too hard on him, then sorry again, but it pisses me off to see a grown-ass man whining like a child because someone just asked him something he doesn’t want to talk about.

And here is the second tweet, dated December 2022:

Not only this is another textbook example of what “having a guilty conscience” means, but Mr. Sanders’ reply is - if possible - even more childish: I work very very hard! See how hard I work? I am right and you are wrong! And If you keep saying these bad things, I will tell mom.

In addition to that, he wasn’t even clever enough to turn the topic away from him. That person said that his supporters got nothing in turn and are more excited than him? He could’ve said that this was offensive towards his supporters, because if they are trusting him it’s not because he’s forcing them to do it, but because they like what he’s doing and want him to create these things he’s passionate about. But nope, he was too butthurt and he clearly knew that person was right, so he overreacted like a child.

This also proves that, sadly, he doesn’t believe his supporters are following him out of trust or because they like everything he’s doing. He’s probably very aware that the reason most people are following him is Sanders Sides - and that puts him in a difficult situation.

Why? Because he’s not able to handle the series. And he's aware of it: he knows he’s taking too long with the script, he knows there are no real updates, he knows he has nothing to give. And yet, this series is his main income: there are people, merch, contracts. He can’t just drop or cancel it.

And so he keeps everything as vague as possible. If everything is vague, people will still trust him, they will think he’s working on the series and patiently wait for the next episode.

This can work with kids. But when kids grow up or teens grow tired, they start to rightfully ask questions. And if you don’t have answers, you end up replying like this - thus involuntarily showing how aware you are of your situation.

And now, let’s take Sanders Sides out for a moment, because this isn’t about the series, but about him.

This behavior is very, very disrespectful. Adults should be an example for younger people, they should be someone the next generation will look at and take inspiration from, to grow into even better adults. We can’t pretend kids are better than us, if we are not the first to show them how to be better.

Thomas isn’t just an adult, but a public figure, so he’s not just an example for his friends or relatives: he’s an example for a lot of people. He should show them what a proper, mature, adult reply is. What he did instead was attacking with a lot of passive-aggressiveness an innocent fan who just asked a question and a more sarcastic one, who just poked him.

Do you know what he could’ve done instead? Not reply at all. Or just grow a pair and reply like an adult. He could’ve thanked the first fan and said that, unfortunately, there are no real updates on Sanders Sides for now, because he’s working on other stuff - and added that he hopes they will like this stuff too. While to the second person, he could’ve said that people are following him for more than just Sanders Sides and that he’s sorry that person thinks he did nothing, because he worked on different things. Was it so hard to do?

This is not a good way to handle criticism. And I hope he will grow up a little: all he did now was showing us how long his straw tail is and how easily it catches fire.

[a-canceled-stamp]

20 Questions for Writers

Thank you @motleyfam, @crows-murder and @selkienight60 for the tags! ^.^

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

22

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

157,488

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Mostly DC, but Star Wars, Marvel, Malevolent (Podcast), Good Omens, and MHA make appearances too.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Long Way Down (To The Bottom Of The River)

Then Came the Morning

A Leap of Faith

Talk To Me

There Are Softer Oak Trees

5. Do you respond to comments?

I used to respond to every comment fairly quickly but recently I just haven't had the time :(( I appreciate every single comment though, they bring me such joy 🥹

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

That would be cardboard box - the first (sort of) hurt no comfort I've written >:D

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Probably There Are Softer Oak Trees :)))

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not yet

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I do!!!! Or...I'm giving it a shot at least. Not for DC, but for Malevolent. Might post something real soon :3

10. Do you write crossovers?

Nope!

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I didn't even know this was a thing before today. That being said, I don't think so??

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, but I would love to collab sometime :3

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

I cannot pick one because I don't really have A favorite. But Stucky (Marvel), DinLuke (Star Wars), Merthur (Merlin), SuperBat (DC), TimKon (DC) and Science Girlfriends (Orphan Black) are all ships I enjoy.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you will?

Dying Is Easy, Living Is Harder. I have many ideas for it but unfortunately, I'm not obsessed enough about the characters to fulfill them lmao. Also An Unexpected Visit bc similar to the previous one I have a lot of ideas, but I just don't think I am talented enough to actually write those ideas.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I've rewritten this answer 10 times, but no version felt right. At one point, I decided I was just gonna skip it. BUT NO. I'm gonna stop worrying about other peepz opinions and just say what I actually believe. And here it is.

I know how to make my writing more immersive with various details like sounds, smells, sensations etc. (and I LOVE doing this. The only issue is I sometimes do it either too much or too little ahdjkhsd)

I am VERY nitpicky. This can seem more like a flaw (and it is), but it has also helped me grow and understand what I like and dislike about my writing. It also means I spend a lot of time editing which makes posting SO much more satisfying (tho sometimes I gotta get those shorter fics out there for the instant serotonin boost lol)

I'm not a huge fan of characters who say/do things that don't make sense considering the genre/plot. Spending more time on this is challenging since I both dislike and SUCK at writing dialogue (why is English so HARD??), but it is also a lot of fun bc I think I am getting better at it.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Well, that part about being nitpicky is obviously a lie bc I didn't realize question 17 was gone ahdjshdkj. But I was the one who noticed it first among my friends so...maybe? Nope lol

English grammar. I have to double check every time I write a message to online friends to make sure what I've written is actually a sentence that makes sense.The thing is - I think I'm pretty good, but I actually suck. One time, I wrote mold wine instead of mulled wine in a fic. Never living that down. This is I think why it takes me so long to edit lmao.

Being too harsh on myself and not allowing myself to feel proud about my accomplishments/comparing my writing to other people. Yes, compared to other fantastic writers I suck, and it will always be like that. It's something I'm still struggling to accept, but I'm getting there!

Writing quickly. Like shutting off my brain and just writing doesn't work for me. I have to be there and edit every single sentence that I don't like, and I think this is why it takes so long for me to finish the first draft. Def gotta work on this!

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Hmm. Instinctively, I think it makes more sense to write something like, "Person A said something in a language I didn't understand" than to write in that language. It's more fun that way. And if both the pov character and I don't understand what Person A saying it makes me sympathize with the pov character more.

That being said, if I ever see someone writing in Swedish in a fic, I will be immensely happy (and horrified)

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Rise of the Guardians on ffn. The fic is still there and is still hot garbage, but I did have a lot of fun writing it.

20. Favourite fic you've written?

I know what my LEAST favorite one is hjkahdsjk. Nah but for real, I love all my fics for very specific reasons. Like I have a sort of emotional connection with all of them depending on where I was in life, how I was feeling emotionally at the time, etc.

My top 3 would probably be Long Way Down (To The Bottom Of The River) bc it was the first fic I put a lot of thought and effort into, There Are Softer Oak Trees bc it makes me soft and fuzzy when I think about it, and cardboard box bc the comments made me fkn cackle.

It feels impossible to tag people who haven't been tagged yet but imma go with @miles2g0, @lurkinglurkerwholurks, @they-reap-what-we-sow, @liverobinreaction, and @bonesbuckleup. No pressure ofc!

[smutinlove]

You were my light (Part 3)

Carl Grimes x Reader

Warnings: Angst, reader says bad bad shit to carl, depressing stuff, mentions of killing (let me know what I missed)

☽ Author's note☾ Oh, God. This one is really messed up. And I think y'all will see why. There's also a few Taylor Swift references cause why the hell not? Anyway. Back to the messed up shit. SO. Uh, don't hate me but the messed up shit is yk really messed up. Oh god. I'm scared. DO NOT STEAL, COPY, OR TRANSLATE MY WORK.

Thank you for reading! Reblogs, likes, and comments are very much appreciated!

Part 1

Part 2

Part 4

Part 5

≿━━༺❀༻━━≾

Summary - The daughter of the now dead Negan Smith is walking in the woods. She thought she was alone. But she wasn't.

❝ I didn't have it in myself to go with grace 'Cause when I'd fight, you used to tell me I was brave And if I'm dead to you, why are you at the wake? Cursing my name, wishing I stayed Look at how my tears ricochet ❞

≿━━༺❀༻━━≾

And then they "detained" you for being violent. So, no. Your plan to kill Carl Grimes did not end well.

And, for everyone's safety, they moved you into a white room, far away from the Alexandrians, but still in Alexandria.

The bed was white, the floor was white, the chair was white, the table was white, the door was white—I think you understand what I mean.

Slowly, you were going insane. White, white, white.

You felt like you were going to have another panic attack. Which was not good.

Maybe you were dreaming. Maybe you were imagining it all. Carl, Rick, the saviors, your dad, Alexandria—all of it was just a dream. But it wasn't.

And you knew that.

The truth sucks, doesn't it?

"Knock, knock. It's me, sweetheart." The door opened, and you saw your least favorite person, Carl fucking Grimes, holding a plate of food.

It was dinner already, huh? Time flies when you're fucking stupid enough to get captured by the 'enemy.'

"Can you stop calling me... that?"

He laughed. "No, I don't think I will. And I like making you all mad and pissed off, sweetheart."

He placed the plate of food on the table and sat down on your bed. "Fuck, this is so comfy! I might just sleep here," he joked.

"Can you stop?"

"Can you loosen up a little? I'm messin' with ya, babe." It was sickening. 'Babe.' What is this? 2010? It might as well be.

"Just leave," you muttered. "Oh, but where's the fun in that, huh?" He got up from your bed.

He walked over to you. "My, you are so beautiful, darling," he complimented. Carl planted a kiss on your cheek. "You like that, don't you? You like my touch. You secretly adore me, baby. I just know it!"

Don't give in. Or... maybe. No!

You slapped him. "What the fuck!" You heard.

He was taken aback. "You fucking bitch! You slapped me!"

You rolled your eyes. "Oh, wait, I did? Oh, Carl! I am so sorry. Do you want me to do it again?" You snickered. That motherless son of a bitch deserved it. He had been horrible to you. He fed you dog food!

"You deserve it. I hate you! You think you're so fucking cool. But you're not, Carl. Go... kill yourself or... whatever."

Without another word, Carl quietly left. And then you realized what you'd said. "Oh, my God."

You did not mean that. Sure, you wanted to kill Carl. You hated him. But telling him to kill himself was messed up. "Fuck, fuck..." You whispered as a tear slipped down your cheek.

"I'm—" You couldn't even form a proper sentence. "God, what have I done?"

≿━━༺❀༻━━≾

"Carl!" Rick called out. "Carl!"

"Get back here!" Rick shouted. Carl finally stopped and turned around. "What?"

Rick looked at him in surprise. "Carl, are you—you're not. Son..." He brought Carl into a hug, and he sobbed into his father's shoulder.

"Dad..." He cried out. "I know, son. I know."

≿━━༺❀༻━━≾

Carl never came back. It was always Rick, Daryl, or a woman named Rosita. Sometimes, you'd just glare at the plate of food they'd bring you.

It was better than dog food, but you missed Carl, his stupid jokes, his gorgeous face, and his taunting smile, but you would never admit that. Never.

"You hurt him a lot, Y/N," You heard a woman say. It wasn't the Hispanic woman, and it sure as hell wasn't Rick or Daryl. You had seen her before, during the war. But you never heard her speak, and you barely saw her.

The woman in front of you had a sweet smile on her face. "What?" You finally said.

"Carl. You hurt him a lot. I don't know what happened between you too, but that was a horrible thing to say, you know?" She explained.

You scoffed, but it was true—it was horrible. What you said was cruel and stupid. "What? Are you his mom or something?" You laughed.

"Don't," she warned. "I'm gonna bring you to him. And I want you to apologize for whatever you said, okay?" The woman said sweetly.

"No."

"It wasn't a question. You will apologize to Carl. But first, eat," she ordered. The woman stared at you. She was waiting for you to pick up the spoon and eat.

And you did just that.

You finished eating. "Happy?"

The woman chuckled. "Very."

≿━━༺❀༻━━≾

She let you out of the room, and it felt great to finally leave. You looked up at the blue sky. You missed this life. Alexandria felt like a dream. It was so magical. It was like the old world, but it also wasn't. It was different.

The people here were scarred and broken, but they hid those scars with happy smiles and went on with their day like everything was normal. That no one died.

Pathetic.

The house with the yellow door. You were dying to see how this would end.

You stared at the door. "Knock," she ordered. You sighed and knocked on the door. "I'm Carol, by the way."

"Nice to meet you, Carol." You smiled.

She left, leaving you standing on the porch of the house with a yellow door. The door opened. "Hey—what?" Cold.

Torture. Love. Warn.

"I'm—" You put on a brave face and stared into Carl's eyes, well, eye. "I'm sorry, Carl. I was horrible, and what I said was not acceptable, and—"

"I've heard enough."

"Carl, I am sorry. I—"

"I know. Go," he demanded.

≿━━༺❀༻━━≾

Some of the Alexandrians, one of whom was Rick, were starting to lose hope in you. But Carol vouched for you. She begged Rick to let you stay.

Now, you could walk freely in the streets of Alexandria. A part of you wanted to run away. Alexandria was weird. People pretending to be okay.

You pretended to be okay.

Look. Dream. See.

Thing. Crash. Look. Style. Walk.

Dreamt. Crashed. Watched. Stunned. Walked.

Okay...

Fine.

Free.

The safety of Alexandria was something you wouldn't take for granted. But after being out there for so long, you just wanted to run. Run away from everything.

Carl avoided you. But it seemed like there was another reason why he was avoiding you. But hell, you couldn't just march up to him and ask, "Hey, why are you avoiding me?" You could not do that. You would not.

Sweet smile. So right. Arms. December night.

...

Part 4?

[alchemicaladarna]

Well...Happy 1 year of QSMP I guess...

There's just no easy way to say anything about everything that's been happening the past few weeks and everything that's happened since yesterday because it's a fucking dumpster fire and I'm just so tired of it all to be honest...

But this post isn't about that.

I still want to celebrate this server's first year anniversary because of how much it means to me personally. I made a post talking about how I initially started watching the qsmp (two days early 💀) but I'll reiterate what I've always said:

That despite all the problems of the server, despite all the damage that has been done, never forget what it has managed to achieve and hopefully continues to achieve in the future, under better conditions.

The QSMP's mission was to unite people from all over the world to play together and be friends despite speaking different languages and having different cultures. It united communities and formed friendships across the globe. Personally, achieving that takes more than just sticking random people in the same room together because it's about making genuine connections that could last a lifetime. And the qsmp achieved that. I'll never stop saying this because despite all its glaring problems, the qsmp is revolutionary for all the good it has managed to do.

Ok, like think about the translations alone. I'm using Bad as an example because he's the only one so far that I've seen do this but, BBH has set up live translations of multiple languages on his screen so non-english speakers can still understand his streams and his vods even if he's not playing on the qsmp. That wouldn't have happened without the QSMP's influence. That's fucking incredible!

Think about all the CC's and admins that became friends after meeting on the server. Former admins like Lumi (Pomme) and Shade (Dapper) still talking to Bad on his chat and watching his stream. That's still really awesome! Not to mention all the amazing collaboration projects with many qsmp members outside minecraft like Ordem Paranormal and Liar Liar, to name a few.

Look, the last three weeks have been extremely difficult on everyone. I myself am tired of the situation and scrolling through the tag, especially after yesterday, just makes me sad tbh. For the first time since these weeks, I felt so despondent and shocked about everything. It got to the point where, after Shade and Lumi announced their departure, I called my mom and broke down sobbing and vented about the whole admin situation. And bless her heart, my mom actually listened and I'm going to share the advice she gave me:

"Let them fix the problem. Let the company do the restructuring they need to do because right now, it sounds like they have a lot of problems to fix. It's going to take a long time before things can go back to any sense of normalcy, so while they do that, focus on yourself for now. If you're so invested in all the problems of this online world, maybe it's time to step back for now. Maybe it's time to focus on the real world."

And well, she's right. I've been so upset about the situation that my mental health wasn't faring well because of it. Yesterday was kind of a wake up call for me I guess?

I've been in this fandom for 10 months now. It's the longest time I've been invested in a community and qsmp has and will always have a special place in my heart. But I think it's time to let go and move on for now. I'll keep my hopes up and hope that the future is bright, and the qsmp will continue because it has so much potential to achieve more greatness, but I'll leave the project to rest and focus on other endeavors for now.

I'll be posting art and checking in on stuff from time to time, and of course, I'll be watching BBH, but it might be time to depart and say, "Thanks for everything, and I'll see you later."

Most people will be ashamed to mention the fandoms they've been a part of when they were younger, but 10 years from now, if anyone ever asks if I was a part of the qsmp fandom, I'll gladly say yes and tell all the good stories I have about it.

I love the community we made here on qsmpblr, and if I trust the QSMP's mission of uniting people, then I trust that, no matter what happens, this community will be here when I return.

Because...Despite everything, it's all about love, right? And no matter what happens, the love is still there, and will always be.

Thank you for the journey <33

[hetr0ph0bic]

love it here

tag: shuri x riri

wrd cont : 3.5k

content:  hunching im sorry, vibranium strap, mirror sex, choking kink, cream pie, scratching 

summary: backshots in the mirror, thts the reason.

translation   my love sthandwa   - love thando   -baby usana-

riri stirred awakes from the queen size bed in the capital palace. covered sheets are black with small golden specs, she looks around the sleek room in search of a clock. 6:01 am great 4 hours of sleep, the engineer rolls her eyes at the lack of sleep. she unravels herself from the fluffy sheets, padding over to the closet and pulls out a black classic wakandan two-piece. sluggishly pulling the long sleeve crop top over her head, slipping on the leggings and sliding on black shoes. taking one good look in the mirror, she heads off to the lab. 

it takes her a while to get to the lab, still not completely understanding the route or how things operate here. despite the confusion and the building of a headache, riri is glad to be here. a wonderful way to spend her winter break.

 “so ri is it true that the american kids have weeks off of school for christmas time?” shuri sat in a lab chair twirling around and around.

“uhh yeah we do…. do you have something planned?” riri had stopped folding her now clean laundry to look at the phone.

‘‘well I was thinking you could come to wakanda for the break or like one week, so you can spend time with your family also’’ shuri gave a nervous smile

riri rolls her eyes  “oh please catch me there for the 2 weeks shuri”

 as she steps into the lab, it's dead silent. not a single soul is to be found, all alone, she goes into her assigned work area. She has been working on several projects. updating the iron heart suit and kimoyo beads. trying to make the beads smaller and in different colors, and her suit faster and longer lasting. as she pulls out all the blueprints and clean sheets, the time reads 6:30 am. she is so deep into her brainstorming that she doesn’t notice the lab doors open. in walks the princess in a similar two piece just like riri’s just in a dark purple. 

“hmm I had a feeling you were gonna be in here”  shuri smiles bright making her way over to the small girl 

“yeah I couldn’t get any sleep, so I just came in here, might as while spend my energy doing something” riri stacks away all the blueprints and notes. shuri circles around her, picking up the kimoyo beads blueprint.

 “ohh you have ideas for my beads” a hit of disbelief in her tone.

 “ well yeah I was thinking what if they changed color to blend in more with clothes or skin and what if they were slimmer to be more undetectable. and what if they have certain versions for the regular citizens and the dora milaje and then what if they had something to detect namor or talokan using the vibranium they wear” shuri has a proud smile platted on her face as riri rambled on about ideas to better improve wakanda’s technology.

 “hmmm seems like you have a lot of ideas with wakanda technology” her eyes sweep over riri’s face.

 “well yeah” she nervously chuckles, body moving towards the window to look over the city.

 “I really love it here, it's safe and…. warm and peaceful it's just…. nice” she smiles looking back at shuri. “speaking of safe, I do have another task for you” shuri grabs riri’s hand gilding her to sit down at her desk, the royal leaning on the table.

“what did i mess up with something” ask worry set all over her face.

 “what no love! you've been doing good with school, great grades as always and even staying off the radar with the government. you’ve been so good, I just need you to learn how to fight well. it's honestly for myself to help me sleep at night” 

“oh whew, i have no problem learning how to fight- i mean i already know how to defend myself, but im not gonna block more lessons.” riri’s hand is on her heart, chest moving up and down rapidly 

“wait but who gonna teach me? please PLEASE! dont say okoye you know she hates me.” riri pleads with shuri.

 “no um i guess i can teach you since we have the time, and i can show you around some more” cleaning up the lab they head to the practice rooms. 

“you know above is it the kitchen and if you continue this hallway it goes to the courtroom where all the meetings are held.” placing her palm on the scanner the door opens. the pair walking in to a sleek gray room. a big ass mirror covering the north wall from top to bottom. in the middle of the room on the floor is a mat. spears for the dora’s and other skilled set weapons cover the wall. the original lighting in the room changes to warm bright yellows. riri looks around to find shuri playing with the lighting in the corner. at alas, she is satisfied, she struts over to riri in the middle on the mat.

“okay so i want to really get going with close range fighting. so go take your shoes off.” they slip out of there shoes and socks. as they stand in the middle of the mat 

“okay so im some big bad man wanting to hurt you and i start running towards you what are you going to do”

 “well what time of day is it? are there people around? what am i wearing? is it heels? are we on a hill or grass”

 “riri it doesnt matter, what are you going to do?”

 “ummm umm” she cant think straight and sweat’s now collecting on her forehead.

 “i dont know how about you teach me while acting it out”. with a nod shuri jogs up to riri about to tackle her to the ground but the smaller places her hands under her neck and pulls up, successful locking her in a chokehold. 

“okay good nice hold! okay now what if i come from behind you and place you in a chokehold.” shuri arms snake up to her throat and applies pressure, not enough to hurt but enough to feel real. internally, she starts freaking out, vision getting blurry at head hurting. riri tries to pull her arms from her neck, sparing a look in the full mirror against the wall she sees their bodies. looking into shuri’s eyes, she balls up her fist to deliver a light punch to her thigh. as shuri looks down to the hit spot, riri then uses her elbow to push the panther back.

successfully causing them to break up, “did i do good?” 

“yeah riri that was good real good” shuri  answers, she then without warning tackles riri down to the floor. shuri places her knees on riri’s arms and hands so, riri’s face is fully at the princess mercy. 

“what are you going to do riri.” shuri begins to pinch her cheeks, repeating the question. riri swats her head left and right trying to avoid the attacks but failing. she then twists her whole body to the attacks, she then lifts her body on her knees in a bowing position. using all her strength, she stands up from the cradled position. 

“okay, you got out of that one but-” before shuri could finish the sentence, the engineer is pushing her down in a similar position. but arms holding herself up on shuri’s shoulders, her thighs straddling the princess.

“I wanted to be the attacker for once”

 “oh I bet you did, too bad I'm better than you”

 “what” as riri questions, shuri answers by bucking her hips causing her to fall forward. she barely catches herself, thanks to shuri helping stabilize her, arms around her waist. shoulders now above shuri’s head, causing her breast to fall in shuri’s only point of view. 

after seconds pass by “ummm hello earth to shuri”

 “oh my bad” she resumes by lifting riris hips and placing them on her waist. shuri then easily sits up. shuri now flips riri, so that the smaller’s back is to her chest. placing the engineer in a strong chokehold, nothing like before. riri whimpers, her neck  such was a sensitive place for her.

 “yeah, we have a lot of work to do before you think about leaving me again” shuri looses the hold just to place one hand on her neck.  soft whimpers flow out like a river. trying to mold riri’s body to sit down, she fumbles her body, causing riri to flop down on shuri’s lap. impact causes a weighted “ahhh” to flow from riris mouth. her and shuri freeze, riri eyes clamped shut and tight. wishing the earth would open up and swallow her. literally. 

sliding her hands up to her jaw, shuri forces riri to look at her.

 “look at me” eyes shakily open “ you okay” riri hesitantly shakes her head approving.

“i didn’t hear you” “its okay” “do you… like it” “i need it- please”

shuri closes the space between them sliding her hand back down to the smaller’s throat. riri kisses her so hard like the yearning and painful pushes of urges are finally worth it. they slowly shift so riri is straddling shuri. the kiss is powerful, down right sinful. loud nosies coming from each other. tongue lapping and lip biting. shuri at one point fully sucks on riris bottom lip, just to bathe in the beautiful whimpers. they break for needed air after centuries. shuri grips riri shirt and tugs her back up to her and they continue, shuri’s hands dipping lower on riri till she’s palming her ass. rocking her back and forth on her thigh as riri breaks apart to voice content.

 “mmmm fuck” okoye bust through the practice door.  the two lovers jump off each other. shuri shoots daggers at okoye, while riri shameful hangs her head low hiding behind the princess. having completely caught them in the act okoye clears her throat.

 “ahh ms willams i knew you loved wakanda and now a special wakandan” she showcases a blinding smile

 “there’s a thousand practice rooms, you just had to pick this one” shuri gives a nasty side

“oh please like i went looking for something to make me throw up”

 “also this” she waves to the practice room “is how you want to swoon ms riri? INCORRECT!”

 riri speeds walk away from the general while shuri just spares are a look 

“lock the door next time princess”

shuri jogs to catch up to the engineer “where are you going riri” she doesn’t even spare her a glance just continues, shuri hops in front of riri.

 “where are you going?”

“ um um i just need a breath of air yeah, i just need air that’s all”

“well you're going the wrong way” shuri grabs her hand. riri feels like her hand if going to melt off as the princess slowly leads her to her room. they stroll pass by the big bead, they file to the balcony. riri hastily grabs unto the railing, watching the sun slowly going down. wakanda is so beautiful god she loves it here. looking over the warm capital, she is able to see the people come out getting ready for the nasty nightlife. it calms her down. shuri is sitting down on the chairs with the nice outside patio. she springs up as riri walks closer to her, placing a kiss under her jaw riri leans on shuri’s chest 

“thankyou” 

“sthandwa what for”

 “for being here with you and just allowing me to experience wakanda” shuri cups riri’s face and smothers her with pecks

 “i truly enjoy you being here with me” ending the pecks with final kiss on the lips. 

it starts off light and sweet. easily being able to breath and laugh at the actions. but they each grow hungry. shuri swipes her tongue over riris bottom lips, pulling it in to suck on. the royal’s hands somehow find their way to the smaller’s neck again. riri tangles her hands in the royals hair, gripping and pulling on it. the actions cause the princess mouth to fall open, riri quickly attaches lips again drinking any sound or need from shuri. the others hands mold the younger girl onto her lap again. hands dipping lower and lower till they find riris core. she experimentally swipes her hand over riris clothed pussy. tongues now dancing and applied pressure to the sensitive part. the burning need to explore each other with tongue is morphed into more need. shuri picks up riri showcasing her strength since she took the herb. she places her down on the california king bed. shuri kisses her senseless while running hands all over her body. hands groping and rubbing her breast, and lower tummy. she then pushes riri back on the bed, slotting her knee in between her legs. riri gasps as she bucks on the knee, rutting up and down she begs.

“please shuri please baby” riri grips at her clothed body, back arching off the bed.

“please what princess tell me what you want” tears start to build in the younger’s eyes.

riri she cant fucking think straight, head is spinning “i cant - i don’t know i- i just need to feel you” taking pity on the girl shuri damn near tears the clothes off their bodies. she leaves riri in her panties, wanting to see and feel the wet spot. she goes back to pleasing the other. sucking many deep marks on the others neck, riri begins to shake in her hold. littering her body she slowly, harshly makes her way down from the neck to her the erect nipples. she cups both, nipping and licking one at a time. the princess leans up to meet riri once again. she then sneaks her fingers to touch her lips, after the graze riri opens her mouth obediently. with no hesitation, she swirls her tongue on the fingers and sucks on the two digits. once the spit is dripping pass her knuckles, shuri pulls out. using one arm she pulls off the underwear and bends riri’s body. she pushes the legs of the small girl, opening her wide up. riri’s feet is touching her own shoulders, shuri then dips her hands down and plays with riri folds. she rubs two fingers between her lips. a soft smacking fills the room. as her index finger plays with her lips and clit riri grows impatient. trying to meet the touches, shuri pushes her hips to the bed.

“more baby” shuri doesn't give in, she actually lightens up the pressure. no more than a sometimes soft graze. riri grunts at the playful need and grabs the olders hand. she presses shuri hands down to her core and ruts against her hand. finally she sighs at the long awaited pleasure.

 “ready my love” “yeah”

shuri then slowly eases her fingers inside riri, after seconds she slowly pumps in and out. building up the speed and weight, riri then cant control the pants and moans. as she is working her fingers, shuri then begins scissoring her and curling, wanting to feel a certain spot. once she finally finds it she constantly abuses the delicate tissue. making riri run up the bed tears falling down her pretty brown eyes. it feels so fucking good. 

“ shuri baby im gonna cum” shuri rips her hand away in an instant.  

“what what no please shuri” she chases after her hands 

“ shhh wait one sec usana” placing a peck on her lips, she shrugs over to a black dresser and pulls out a strap and a dildo.

“which one” shuri throws them on the bed. riri then sits up to examine the two options, one a double-sided, clear dildo. her hand instantly goes to it, stopping with she sees light out the corner of her eye. she looks over to the other toy. purple and black meets her, the strap is glistening? the veins are so detailed and intricate. purple glowy veins run all the way to the tip. riri pokes the toy, shooting her head up at shuri she shakes her head.

“so you made us a toy?”

“what no i didn’t” she rubs her neck. clearly lying 

“right, since you didn't make it, you couldnt tell me what things it couldn’t do right?”

silence fills the room as the have a eye staring contest

“fine i made it!” shuri move to sit next to riri on the bed, picking up the toy she explains “ umm so it like changes sizes and adjust to the person and part? we both would feel the impact or like pressure. also who ever is wearing it, it shoots out their cum” the quickly explains 

“how long did it take- actually i dont care put it on, now” shuri slips on the strap. the taller drags riri over to where the mirror is next to the bed. they then slot into the same position as earlier. riri’s back to shuri, and riri sat on the princess lap. angling up correctly, she enters riri. she doesnt feel anything about to question if shuri put it in. then she can feel something expanding in her, growing. shuri then begins slowly thrusting so she can get used to it as it grows to her body. as the toy nears the full size when riri leans down placing her hands on the bed, feeling full. harshly the princess grabs the jaw over her lover looking at her in the mirror. she snaps her hips up at full force, shoving full the toy into riri’s tight hole. the nasty sucking and squishing sounds echo the room. using her strong thighs, the smaller tries to relive the impact of the other. 

slamming her back down on the toy

 “stop. fucking. running.  come on thando doesnt it feel good” shuri whispers the last part in her ear

nodding hysterically “yeah yeah baby feels so good” shuri grabs her neck and in the right hand she grips riri’s waist, using the leverage to slam her down and up on the strap. riri screams as shuri hits the soft sponge part inside her. tears pool down her face as her back arches in a perfect way. her eyes roll back as she grows hungry. “harder princess, fuck me harder” placing her hand down on the hand that grips her wrist, riri then starts bouncing fully on shuri. shuri nips and bites riri’s neck, a failed attempt to hide the moans spilling out from her mouth. riri locks her legs around shuri’s as she rocks her body harder into them. the recoil, sending hits directly to shuri’s abused clit.  they both are meeting each other's movements with power, haste, and need. nothing but slaps and wet sounds. their soft pants gradually developed to deeper, drawn out cries and pleads from both lovers. 

“fuck ri” she grabs riri face making her look at the princess in the mirror

 “you close” a soft breath “yes” comes out.

 shuri pulls riri up by her throat. riri scrambles for a new placement, she puts her hands down in front of them, she grips the sheets tightly, knuckles going white. bouncing from behind, she turns her head to look at the princess, shuri tuts at action.

“ no sthandwa look at me in the mirror, when you come you are to look at me” shuri begins to fuck up into riri. with deep, powerful, long strokes while her other hand rubs against riri’s clit. pinching and slapping the sensitve nerve. lifting up the hood and rubbing riri’s clit one last time does it. withing she lets go the sheets, leaning back up she arches her back. hands going to dig her nails in shuri’s neck. 

“yes just like that mama, thats it just like that” the smaller scratches up shuri tatted arm as she is sent over the edge. she still continues, meeting shuri thrust. flopping down on toy causing intense vibrations. causing the royal to go over the edge. shuri’s legs spasm as ecstasy over takes her, her thrust sparking and erratic . the toy collects the juices and shoots them into the engineer.

“mmmh baby i feel it in me” with riri fucking shuri into overstim she can see the mixed cum on the toy as it seeps to their tangled limbs. white juices spilling into the thick covers.riri finally slows down exhastion taking over her body. as shuri slips out she slips out of the toy. they both lay backs on the bed as they catch full breaths.

 “you good” shuri turns toward her

 “hmm hmm” seconds pass, riri in deep thought “shuri…. i still want to use the other toy”

“i had a feeling you wasnt going to let that go”