#I am not open to discussions with close minded haters

[pinkaditty]

Pervert Pt 3 (Newspaper Club; Obey Me!SWD)

ohhhh my GOOOOOOOOOOOD i finally did it. it's over it's over it's over i did it i did it everyone enjoy this. holy shit

a/n: PERVERT PART THREE AS PROMISED WOOOOOOO!! i finally finished i promised id deliver and here we are!! some of these may be out of character because im slightly unfamiliar with these characters BUT i hope you all enjoy regardless. please let me know if you enjoyed! next, im working on all these asks that keep pouring in...

cw: fem!mc (undergarments such as bras and panties are mentioned, but mc could be a crossdresser), fem undergarments, perverted behavior, underwear stealing, etc. let me know if i missed anything!

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT, AS USUAL. PLEASE RESPECT MY BOUNDARY.

Mephistopheles:

He immediately startles and drops the panties to the floor. His lips twitch downwards into a frown and his gloved fingers curl into fists. His face burns red with embarrassment. Poor guy. The richest, most prestigious, most prominent noble of the entire Devildom, known for keeping his cool and being as haughty as a King… is frozen in place, here, watching you with wide eyes, after being caught rooting around through your laundry, for what anyone could assume were less than pure intentions. 

It’s not a very good day for him.

If he wants to say something, he can’t. You watch as his mind spins, trying to come up with a notable retort, but you are both well aware that by the time he does, the tremendous pause in your discussion, already quite long and stifling, will have rendered it useless. You are both at a standstill, you clearly with the upper hand. But you know Mephisto, and how he’s not one to back down. But it’s not like you will, either. 

When you take a step towards him, he jolts back, broken out of his frozen trance. He sputters indignantly, desperately coming up with something to say in response.

“F-First of all!” He’s practically spitting the words out at you, furious red blush across his face. You wait for him to speak, but he appears to have trouble getting anything out. All that he can get out for a few moments is nothing but false starts, angry sighs, and mortified groans. Then, he finally speaks. “If you so much as mention this to anyone else…!” 

You want to say he’s already bluffing without hearing the rest of his threat. What could he do to possibly save his reputation from such an incredible embarrassment? He’s far too honest to paint you as a liar, and far too kind to blame you, anyway. If anything, the only thing he would do is refuse to admit the truth and never speak of the topic. Which, honestly, was probably the best that could come out of this… If he was willing to leave it behind, at least.

You were admittedly more curious about what drove him to this level. He had never been too slow to show his obvious disdain for humans, especially you for your closeness to Diavolo. He was plenty kind, but he wasn’t nice, and that was that. So, after showing nothing short of polite dislike for you… What was he doing here? Part of you almost couldn’t believe it. The human hater himself… chasing after a whiff of human pheromones? Sexual ones, at that?

You only realize he was lecturing you on keeping quiet when you return from your thoughts. 

“-And quite frankly, I believe you owe it to me to keep quiet. It’s not every day I open my doors to anyone - a human, no less - and allow them to stay temporarily simply because the demon lost his temper.” He turns away and huffs, crossing his arms. In his rambling, his blush had significantly lessened, and his embarrassment faded. “I am only doing this for the sake of Lord Diavolo.”

Yeah, right. 

You decide to be teasing. The amused expression on your face turns into a questioning one, eyebrow raised and lips quirked downwards. “Which part are you doing for Lord Diavolo’s sake? Taking me in or stealing my intimates?”

He sputters immediately at your question, looking at you incredulously. “I-!” He starts, and you can almost tell he was going to say something along the lines of ‘I beg your pardon!’ and then realized he was in no position to say such things. “You…!” He points at you, as though to get a point across, then falters and retracts. He is visibly fuming, clearly very angry that he is unable to get a proper retort out. It takes everything in you not to laugh at him. “Ugh!” He turns on his heel and begins to walk away, and almost manages to, before you toss the panties he dropped right at the back of his head. He stops in his tracks, curling his hands into fists at his sides. He is absolutely seething, and you can tell. He plucks them off of his head and grips them tightly, as if to send you a threatening message. You only laugh.

“Come back to me when you’d like a fresh pair!” You giggle at him and walk back into the laundry room to finish your chore. As you complete your wash, you hear his grumbling and stomping all the way down the hall. He does not return the panties. 

Raphael: 

Wordlessly, silently, he startles, staring at you like a deer in headlights. His eyes widen like saucers, but his lips remain closed. The longer he stands there, idling, the more you wonder what exactly he's hoping to achieve. He doesn't so much as twitch. 

After you think you've been standing here long enough, waiting for him to move, you roll your eyes and harden your gaze on him. 

“Gonna give them back or not, pervert?” You crook an eyebrow upwards and tilt your head at him. He looks down, almost visibly deflating. His reaction is almost unexpected. He looks genuinely sad, looking pitifully down at the panties he held in his hand. 

You got the slight feeling that this was probably an act, but you didn’t comment on it. You simply shook your head and held out your hand, motioning for him to hand them over. Politely, he does, gently placing them in your hand and bowing his head, pursing his lips. “I… I apologize, MC. This won’t happen again.”

You sigh, shaking your head. “It shouldn’t,” you said firmly, turning away from him to move to complete the wash, before continuing, “At least, not without my permission first.”

You hear his sudden intake in breath, but decide not to pay it any mind. The weight of the realization on him hangs heavily in the air, joined by absolute silence except for your movements, putting your laundry in the wash. You have to wait a while before you hear him open and close his mouth a few times, clearly conflicted on what to say, before he finally stammers, “Wh-What are you saying?”

“I’m saying,” you start, turning to him, holding another lacy pair of panties in you hands, “that I wouldn’t mind if you needed my pheromones so badly for a fix. You just have to be a good boy and ask.”

He sputters indignantly for a moment, his eyes widening, and a blush spreading across his face. You only smile, and turn back to your chore, wordlessly continuing to put them away. He shuffles in place before helping you, probably attempting to sweeten the deal before he asks. You don’t mind, however, and let him assist you.

When the chore is finally done and the wash is going, he turns to you. “I know you probably don’t have any I could use now…” He speaks slowly, as though carefully considering every word before it comes out. It must be a difficult request. “But, when they start to pile up, would it… be alright, if I borrowed some?” He doesn’t look at you. He can’t bear to. He doesn’t need to, though. The embarrassment is painted quite clearly all over his face and ears, a deep shade of red. He’s looking down at his clasped hands and worrying his lip between his teeth. Was it this important to him to be able to indulge himself? You find yourself more and more surprised at the attitudes of these demons and angels day after day. 

“Sure.” You simply sigh, amused by his shyness. Your face twists into a smirk, however, when an offer comes to mind. “In fact… Maybe when the day is done, I can give you the pair I’m wearing now. How does that sound?”

He’s practically frozen now, the blush across his face the only thing capable of melting him. He swallows roughly and stiffly nods, walking away robotically to leave the room. You only watch him, amused, thinking about how the ending of your day would go.

Thirteen: 

She yelps, jumping ten feet into the air in surprise at your sudden appearance. She fumbles the panties in her hands, looking guilty as ever. Her eyes flick from you to her hands nervously, as though fearing judgment. Before you can say anything, she clenches her hands shut, squeezing her eyes shut tight, and begins apologizing profusely. “I’m sorry, MC! This really shouldn’t have happened, I just got way too curious and I had to-! Well…” She trails off, biting her lip. “I hope you aren’t too mad at me… I still do want that soul of yours, y’know.” She says this innocently, as though you’ll forgive her if she widens her eyes and pouts her lips. Which, honestly, would be tempting, but it’s less so tempting when you glance down to the panties she still clutches in her grasp. She notices this and hides them behind her, a blush creeping onto her face. 

“Hey… you wouldn’t mind me keeping these, would you? Your soul is nice and all, but…” She pouts, very clearly for show, and looks at you with wide eyes, begging without saying anything. You’re ready to call bullshit on her, and quite loudly at that. However, you simply sigh, exhausted, and hold out your hand.

“Come on. Hand them over.”

She sighs begrudgingly and hands them over, plopping them down in your hand. “You’re no fun.” She struts away from you and plops down on a nearby chair, sighing dramatically and laying across the chair in a fainting pose. “Could’ve kept something of my beloved’s for when they inevitably return to the underworld, but no. I’ve got to sit here and long for them.” She sighs dramatically again, melting into the chair. You roll your eyes and walk over to her, peering down at her.

“How about I come back? Visit with a fresher pair?” A wicked smile grows on your face as you say this, the thought of the offer stirring you with mirth.

She shoots up at once, her light blush deepening into a cherry red. She looks at you with wide eyes and her mouth slightly parted in shock.

“...Do you mean it?”

“Sure.” You say, shrugging, and stepping back from her. You smile at her, as though waiting for her to take the offer. Of course, she snaps at it. 

“Hmm. I still want those ones. They’re pretty and purple.” She points to the ones you’re holding, a wide smirk on her face now. You only roll your eyes again.

“Fine. But only if you wash them.”

“Deal.”

a/n: woooooooohooooooooo! it's finally done! im so, so sorry for making you all wait so long! thank you so much for being so patient with me! please, enjoy this, and don't be afraid to leave a comment, reblog, or sumbit an ask! i love to know what you all think of my writing!

[fallingsunflower]

I am not trying to change your (or anyone’s) mind about how they feel about Harry atm (lord knows it has been a looonnng 3 years of some nonsense). I will say that’s why I always try to keep some distance generally bc we don’t know this man, really - the good or bad parts. I do worry some people unstanning now (not you, specifically, sunny!) might fall into the trap of being a hater stan - still interested, but now thinking that everything about Harry is fake and his sole mission in life is to pretend to be nice while actively intentionally hurting people, only caring about money, etc.

All celebs live in a different reality and some are truly gross and depraved people/criminals but I don’t see that Harry deserves those labels yet. I’m actively willing to be wrong about Harry - but I’m ok for now knowing there are shades of gray in all of us and pressures/forces/things hanging over his head I don’t know about or understand so I’m giving him some grace but keeping my eyes open. And as for his industry friends - I mean, I don’t think he and lizzo are close friends (just promo buddies) and the azoffs are his friends but with their working relationship they also know a LOT about him so that also becomes tricky for me because the power dynamic at least when he initially became friendly with them was way off. Same with James in some ways who is rude/off putting/annoying but also to my knowledge not a creep or absuser. Let’s hope his non-industry friends are lovely 🤞

I’d like to clarify that I don’t hate Harry and I would never turn into a hate account for him.

For me, I’m tired. I enjoyed the 1D days. There was something a little carefree and boyish I liked about him. He seemed a bit more down to Earth, even when he started getting involved more with fashion and high profile celebrities etc. I feel as if he carried himself kind of similarly through 2020, with of course changes but I was willing to accept those (ie the shroom story in RS).

In my opinion, there was some kind of shift in 2021. I’m not pointing fingers at Olivia btw although I certainly think she was inadvertently lumped into it. I spent literally like 2 years defending this man lmao and I stand by it. I don’t think he’s an awful person but from then until now he’s carried over a bit of that shift in personality (from what I can observe - again this is just MY opinion) that I thought would disappear. And tbh, I’m tired of it.

I don’t want to waste my time talking about how “well even though Harry does this it doesn’t mean he’s terrible”. I agree but there are some patterns he hasn’t gotten rid of and I don’t want to defend him every day when I literally did that for like 2 years. He doesn’t deserve my energy. It’s tiring to defend every single thing. I think most of us are on the same page anyway so rehashing everything (like who he’s friends with or why he’s doing pap walks) is tiring.

Tbh I’d rather discuss other things. Things that make me happy. Doesn’t make me a hater of Harry but he’s just not my favorite right now and that’s okay

[rexaleph]

Fruit pt 1 lmao

Back when I was first getting into perfume my assumptions around what was gonna work for me were in the vein of traditional men's fragrances from like when I was a kid and vague ideas around freshness and perhaps coniferous woods. However I'd come across a discussion of Byredo's Pulp and the way people spoke of it as this super strange, polarising, borderline unwearable art piece got me interested, so I tossed a sample of that into my cart, intrigued but expecting not to get it. Ofc I fell in love instantly. It was in fact the only fragrance I ended up liking out of everything I picked going by vibes and word associations, probably bc all of the others smelled of air freshener for the car. So i was like ok, it's fruit for me now, I am a fruit perfume person, and have looked p widely into that fragrance family since. Fig was always a note i was interested in bc it is allegedly central to Pulp, and its plant-like, soft-green juiciness is attractive to me in concept. However! As i started looking towards shifting my lifestyle away from a million samples and decants into a small number of truly beloved bottles, I came to the realization that the only even fruit adjacent thing I was immediately interested in having in a large volume is the fucking grapefruit cologne from Zara. And they don't even usually count citruses as a fruit! So fruit ended up not being my thing in practice, but the thought of it still haunts me. I feel like there should be a fruit for me out there. So i want to spend some time thinking abt the fruity scents that I've tried and maybe figure out where to go from here. I am about to get deeply weird once again.

So to start at the beginning - Pulp by Byredo.

Byredo is a brand with a deeply unappealing aesthetic. When I picture their bottles it is on a glass and gold tray in an influencer's white interior and that is not something I want to associate myself with. But given that the first perfume I fell in love with was one of theirs, I still pay attention to their line.

So Pulp is a very intense, tart, barely sweet fruit. The haters have often said that the fruit smell is fermented and rotten, but I perceive it to be on the other end of the sour fruit spectrum - green and underripe. It suggests maybe an inedibly hard pear. Another major feature - I keep saying "fruit" without specifying, because I struggle to discern anything particular. People will say apple, blackcurrant, citrus, fig. I do perceive the intense opening blackcurrant and maybe apple. Besides the that I get cedarwood, and i guess that woody-green-sweet effect could be a fig note. Pulp does not feel like it evolves much as it wears, but what it does is first fill the space around itself and then settle within minutes, which I think is a quality created by like carrier molecules. (I know of iso e super, which allegedly improves longevity but that would be the opposite effect i think, though i feel like it's in here as well. What i experience w Pulp feels like theres sth that increases volatility, momentarily dragging scent molecules into the air w it. Or theres just a lot of the cassis top note ingredient and much of it evaporates off quickly.)

This room-filling effect is what brings me to the haters' 2nd point that sticks in my mind: Pulp is less like a perfume for a person to wear and more of a large scale air freshener, not even for your home, but for hotel lobbies and shopping malls. And I think this is how I ended up feeling about Pulp - beautiful scent, but I don't want to wear it. There are other perfumes in this post I consider unperfumelike and don't want to wear for their industrial chemical quality, but those actually smell bad to me. I'm not generally concerned w wearability (outside of like not wearing strong or irritating things where people will be forced close to me), I don't think of perfume in terms of daytime vs evening or seasonality, but there is something about Pulp, however much I like it in theory, that makes it unwearable to me. Like whatever I'm looking to wear, be it sweet, fresh, complex, natural-produce-like, loud - Pulp is never the answer. I think what drew me in at first was it's brightnness and intensity, and how different it was from any perfume i had experienced before. I'm wearing it now and it is still impressive, mostly a powerful, mouthwatering blackcurrant; leaves, berries and wood sap. There's another strong natutalistic plant perfume I love - Vetiver Extraordinaire by Frederic Malle. I tried to articulate the vibe i get from it as "you can't fuck me, I'm a tree". Which, I love that for a cold deciduous tree trunk you can't get your arms around. To me right now Pulp also has a strong you can't fuck me aura, though I used to think of it as insanely attractive (the mouth-watering aspect, confusing different kinds of intense sensuality). But i guess being high-pitched, juicy and ultimately friendly and food-like, this is not the unfathomable remote unfuckability of nature; "you can't fuck me i'm covered in berries" is not sth i want to embody. I used to really love the idea of scent-as-art in a vacuum, but now I probably am more concerned with what a perfume can do to create me as i present myself to the world. That mostly excludes unpolishedly naturalistic plants at this point. (Btw a 20 y o coworker who is just starting to get into perfume told me that someone introduced him to Pulp and he loved it so much! It is a good entry point to unisex niche perfume - beautiful, approachable but characterful, different from most designer scents, especially as marketed to men. I'd probably still it like very much on someone else.)

Having spent 4 notes app pages on Pulp I'll be brief on the fruit shampoo types: Kirke by Tiziana Terenzi, Antigua by Phaedon, Eau de Rhubarbe by Hermes, Sirio by Mendittorosa, I wanna say Cedrat Boise by Mancera. The widely recommended fruity one by Mancera anyway. So turns out banana flavored candy isn't weird bc it's based on an extinct breed, it just uses a single flavor compound out of the bouquet found in real bananas, so the flavor comes off distorted. This is I think what people mean when they use "synthetic" as a criticism in perfume. I assume that for shampoo they mix individually made molecules, which is what causes unnatural-seeming compositions, even if the ingredients themselves aren't in any way worse by being synthetic. All the above fragrances have that screechy, fruit-scented toiletries/household chemicals vibe to me, plus Kirke and Antigua at least have some kinda sickly musk note that I don't get along with. I've also encountered it in a number of of woody-fresh cologne type scents. So these fragrances are all widely beloved (except maybe the Mendittorosa on account of being less well known), I think because of what I outlined with Pulp - they're bright and friendly but still fairly unusual. Common notes i believe are lychee or rhubarb - tart, juicy and sweet, which I guess is what most people look for in this type of fragrance. I'm just particularly sensitive to their type of dissonance. Eau de Rhubarbe i think is the most successful one of these - only inelegant, but for the most part I find them fully unpleasant.

Speaking of unpleasant, let me briefly return to Byredo. Mixed Emotions vs Amouage Jubilation XXV

So after my first unsuccessful run at Amouage with the florals I held off on trying their big iconic scent for years. The way people spoke of Jubilation it's this amazing layered masterpiece of resins, woods and fruit, meant for like distinguished gentlemen. Obviously I never felt like I could pull it off, but earlier this year I decided to have another go at Amouage as well as figure out fruit, so I finally tried it out. And yeah it's alright. I think what I'm realizing is that these niche fragrances massively popular among men are always gonna be on the safe side, but spoken of as hugely transgressive bc they smell a little bit outside of menthol shaving foam. Jubilation is soft, deep, smooth and resinous, with like an overtone of sweet-spicy toothpaste freshness I'd put down to blackberry, orange zest and tarragon. Very attractive, would not feel incongruous on any age or gender, for sure not a mature man kinda scent. I went on two week-long trips within a month in August/September and wore it throughout for like professional and leasure occasions and it never felt out of place, I never wanted for anything else. Dudes online are big mad abt alleged weak reformulations, idk abt that, however I will say it is kinda subtle and I wouldnt pay Amouage money for it.

So given that 15 years ago Amouage came out with this hugely popular cult hit, why would Byredo in 2021 make basically the same thing but worse? Black currant for blackberry and birch smoke and mate for all the woods and resins, Mixed Emotions to me is just a loud, unbalanced version of Jubilation, though idk that i've seen anyone else make the comparison. It's very northern forest, tree sap and berries, which is kind of an obvious combination and doesn't make it feel less heavy-handed. Junk by Lush feels adjacent, which is not a compliment. A recurring review phrase is cough syrup. The fruit is scratchy and cloying, overconcentrated. I kept trying to get myself to like Mixed Emotions, but given that it feels like basically a worse version of something that's just pretty nice but not worth the money, it's probably time to give up on her.

So do I hate a scratchy, cloying preserve-like fruit? Not necessarily.

Mendittorosa Rituale

I am a mark for Mendittorosa. I feel like i can still tell when they really don't work for me, but I probably exaggerate how special the ones i do like are. Anyway.

The vibe is nectar: flowers, blackcurrant, pomegranate, raspberry, honey, beeswax. Its heavy and sweet while having a rough scratchy quality (down to beeswax, patchouli and hyrax I'd guess) that can give gourmands a real kitchen-y feel. Mugler AMen has that imo, as well as El Born by Carner Barcelona, both of which suggest rustic dessert to me. Rituale is not really like them them with its big heady floral and fruit elements but that effect is the same. It's like when you have a very sweet pastry with black coffe. Rituale puts me in mind of traditional desserts that use preserves, honey and rose water in a way that doesnt get along with my modern milk chocolate sour gummy palette, so it is a little bit challenging. Going off the notes alone, I was very excited but also apprehensive about this one, I expected it to be either breathtakingly beautiful or just fully disgusting. Especially lavender can really fuck things up for me when it goes nauseating soapy-sweet potpourri. And some of that is there: i notice the lavender and the whole composition teeters on the edge of sickly, but never quite goes there. The actual flowers throughout its middle stage (rose, jasmine, narcissus, what do daffodils even smell like?) give me this high-summer orchard honey bee fantasy. Raspberry is i think the most prominent opening impression, maybe pomegranate, quickly overtaken by floral honey. That's probably the way to discuss the florals in here - not flowers but the way e.g. linden honey can smell of flowers & pollen. Beeswax is also discernible from the very beginning. As it sits and the fruit recedes it goes from nectar fantasy to complex rosewater dessert while always maintaining that little bit of low-pitched roughness you usually get with honey fragrances, just enough to keep things interesting. It's all a whole lot. The very end is a rounder mellower sweetness, feels like vanilla to my nose, but might be some combination of the woods, resins and beeswax. I wish I perceived more of the hyrax, some people complain about it being crazy animalic and i just don’t get that at all unfortunately. I love dirty animal shit :( On the other hand it already has borderline too much going on.

If Mendittorosa made small beautiful bottles Rituale would be a no-brainer to get. It is a very special combination of rich and opulent while also consisting of what to me reads as basically all food-like botanical notes. Real nectar and ambrosia vibes. Very different from those fresh effervescent unisex fruits, a very cool take on the genre imo. And like, yeah, if I'm so bored of fruits, maybe my one fruit perfume to have should be the one that's unlike any of the others. But even with this one, I'm not sure that I want to smell like this! There is again an air of botanical unfuckability about this one that makes it a little emotionally confusing. Not sure what mood I'd want it for, especially if we're talking about getting a bit expensive bottle. I think I wore it for my 29th or 30th birthday, she's festive and attention-grabbing but doesn't necessarily make me feel attractive. One idea I'm holding out for is that if I tried it from an atomizer instead of the shitty dabbing wand sample and got a more accurate idea of how it wears from the bottle, there would be more hyrax and that'd swing it into something more obviously my style. As is it may or may not be my one fruit but for sure points to some directions to continue thinking in.

Putting here so I don't forget my other fruits to discuss: Un Jardin sur le Nil, Pomegranate Noir, Wilde, Bitter Peach, Peau de Peche. And then the figs.

[lily-orchard-gossip-blog]

Can I share a story somewhat simillar to Lilly's abuse record and Mikayla situation? It's not LO related and abuse hints are more explicit, but it keeps bugging me with disturbing parallels at nights.

I won't provide links, names, etc. 'cause I have reasons to keep them anon.

So, there are two queer ppl living in homophobic state, not much is known about them. Mx R, a skilled artist who draws ordinary stuff. And Mx L, R's manager and lover. There are debates among fans whether this pair is fake or real. One thing is undeniable - they made a spectacular perfomance out of their relationship which draws way more attention then just drawings (and it worries them to the point they regularly ask audience for money they believe should earn through art). How R&L present their pair seems loving and open-minded, both practice poliamory and teach fans how important it is to discuss their feelings and preferences. A little paradice in the middle of homphobic hell - it seemed.

First bellring for me was L's humilating and strait up devaluating public(!) comments about R, which R would defend as "family inside jokes" and L would always rage out on fans who dare to say "why are u so rude toward ur loved one?" - only to then complain why fans won't interact much with R&L content. Later a thought stroke me that poliamory was more an L's thing while R is more focused on art work. I mean, when they were close to break up, R made an entire comic as an apology! It felt like R had no one to turn to if they were really to part ways. And yes, there was a honeymoon 'til another "you're worthless without me" comment came from L. One more disturbing thing is that L uses their mental problems as an excuse to both their behaviour ( a.k.a. "I'm afraid R would turn away from me like others before, but R should improve on communication, not me") and their rage towards fans (a.k.a. "don't you dare poke an ill person that I am!").

It's such a shame R got stuck with L - I really like their artwork, but their relationship as a brand blends into drawings to the point I can't enjoy them knowing how L behaves and that R defends them. I really hope L doesn't controll R's finances (there was a hint, yikes) and I shamefully admit I want them to break up despite whatever problems L had in their life. It's not an excuse to be so shitty, it never is.

Even that it's happening in homophobic state isn't an excuse not to break up! (L won't shut up how they fears die alone if R leaves and that both will get in trouble looking for another partner. Excuse me, how da f*ck u found poliamoric partners then!?) I'm not queer myself, but even I'm aware how to find a close queer society to try and meet someone else. Gosh.

P.S. Speaking of Mikayla and her rushed art for Mummy video - I believe a couple more vids like this and she'll start suspecting same thing that Lilly's former partners came up with. It's the hard way, but effecient. Unfortunately, I'm not expecting same progress in R&L relationship for reasons -_-

Part of me can't help but wonder if the online world makes it harder for some victims to leave, especially the public ones.

You spend time building a "brand" together. The abuser leverages your public image to their "fans", making you the "good" one, or the one™. Everyone is just going on about how perfect you guys are, adding another level of pressure to stay together.

And then you see people saying that the relationship is toxic, and that the partner seems to be abusive, and I feel like that can cause victims to want to double down. They don't want to prove the "haters" right. Everything is fine.

Sometimes I worry that Mikaila will refuse to leave just to spite a bunch of random internet users, and discussions like this just add fuel to the fire.

[gduncan969]

What Does God Expect of Us?

Malachi 6: 6 - 8

“6 With what shall I come before the Lord, And bow myself before the High God? Shall I come before Him with burnt offerings, With calves a year old?

7 Will the Lord be pleased with thousands of rams, Ten thousand rivers of oil? Shall I give my firstborn for my transgression, The fruit of my body for the sin of my soul?

8 He has shown you, O man, what is good; And what does the Lord require of you But to do justly, To love mercy, And to walk humbly with your God?”

I’m finding it very hard to believe what I saw on a video posted by Jesse Watters of Fox News last night. The judge currently hearing the civil case against Donald Trump regarding his supposed tax-avoidance has just posted pictures on the internet showing HIMSELF HALF-NAKED in his bathroom?? NOTE: not pictures of Donald Trump or anyone else but pictures of HIMSELF! Is this for real or is it some kind of “AI” creation meant to destroy the judge’s reputation? I’ve watched Jesse Watters’ show many, many times and I’ve never felt he was being deliberately dishonest in his assessment of current affairs and he generally goes to great lengths to verify what he broadcasts so despite how hard I find it to believe, it very likely is true: the 70+ year-old judge just posted half-naked images of himself on the internet! Wow! The discussion panel on Watters’ program rightly concluded the judge has simply gone insane—there can’t be any other explanation. This is the same judge who, at the start of the trial, appeared laughing and smiling before the court cameras and the world watched as he gleefully opened his notes to begin the trial being prosecuted by an admitted Trump-hater who ran her entire election campaign to become District Attorney on her promise to “get Trump”. Today, the news media announced the results of the Virginia State elections and yet again I am dumbfounded by a story arising from it. The Republicans did not do well but there was one seat they won from the incumbent democrat, a married woman in her late 30's/early 40's (I guess) and they won it by the slimmest of margins. The astounding announcement is that she lost her seat because the Republicans found several pornographic videos of her and her husband having sex together which they posted on line and made available to the public—for a fee! Lost by the slimmest of margins?? Who in their right minds would vote for such a perverted candidate?

Corroding Standards

Over the last few decades, we’ve all seen a serious corrosion of the moral and independence standards of our courts and legal profession but nothing even close to this has ever happened. How should the American people respond to such a disgusting act by a sitting judge? We all agree that our courts and especially our judges should maintain a rigid standard of fairness and strict impartiality, as well as a great deal of decorum. Judges must be free from any outside interference or political influence but these criteria seem to have evaporated in the current woke climate and they’ve been replaced by a political correctness and partisanship that has destroyed our confidence in the system. Once again, we are left crying out, “Lord, what on earth is happening?” It surely doesn’t matter if you hate Donald Trump or love him, no one deserves to be judged by such a perverted judge. We expect far, far more from our legal authorities and I hope I’m correct when I say we generally still get it but my confidence has been seriously shaken these days when I hear that cell phones of two Ottawa police officers called to give evidence in the Truckers Convoy trial currently underway in Ottawa have been “accidently” wiped clean and their contents therefore are not available to the defense team, or the blatant lies that are being proffered by our politicians, presidents and prime ministers who’ve been caught with their hands in the cookie jar; or, the police in the UK arresting for the third time a woman found silently praying near an abortion clinic—after a judge had already thrown out the first two charges. These are just a few of the many instances where we’ve been left utterly disheartened by the corruption that seems to abound all around us. We expect better!

What Does God Expect of Us?

At the heart of the matter is not so much what we expect of others but what does God expects of us? It is not helpful for us to immerse ourselves in the corruption of others and get thoroughly depressed until we have a clear picture of how we stand with the One who counts the most, Jesus Christ. He is the best cure for our depression. Dwelling on all the other stuff that’s going on only leads to discouragement and that’s not where the Lord wants to lead us. So, at a fundamental level, what does God expect of us? Malachi spells it out in the three verses above.

First, He doesn’t need or want our material and intellectual assets. No matter how rich we are or how clever we might think of ourselves, we cannot purchase His favor with either of these even if we were to include offering to sacrifice our nearest and dearest just to prove how serious our allegiance might be. Throughout human history, misguided people have cut themselves, bled themselves, flogged themselves and sacrificed their children all to prove to God how faithful they are to Him. Even the Old Testament Jews perverted the animal sacrifices God ordained as a covering for their sin to a “show of allegiance” to merit His favor. They even tried the trick of using the Ark of God as some kind of talisman that would guarantee victory in their battle against the Philistines (1 Samuel 4) when by their very lifestyles they denied the allegiance to God they claimed to have. Closer to the present, Christians have bankrupted themselves to the prosperity preachers to show God how serious they are in proving themselves worthy of His favor with the added hope of a 100-fold bonus on their investment.

Second, God is not impressed by such a show of allegiance when it stems from a rebellious mind rooted in a corrupted heart. He will never play the role of an Aladdin who answers the call to do our bidding if He’s rubbed the right way. Through all of this He’s calling out to His people, “Choose you now this day whom you will serve..” (Joshua 24:15) because He is fed up with our vacillating performances between living for Him and living for the world.

Third, we have no need to ask Him what we must do to get back on track because He has already made that very plain to us: “..to do justly, To love mercy, And to walk humbly with your God” (verse 8). It would seem that many have no idea what these terms, "do justly, love mercy and walk humbly" mean. We as a race are on a very dangerous precipice and unless our God intervenes, we are about to fall off into the unimaginable Hell Jesus describes in Matthew 24. We’d better be found hanging on tightly to His irrevocable promises for our dear lives if the world continues on its present course. If this blog has scared you, know that if you’ve committed yourself to Him you are safe and your future is secure but remember to keep doing justly, loving mercy and walking humbly with Him.

[anothersebastianblog]

Decided to already declare the “annabelle is such a problematic person you should not like her while seb is the best and can’t do no wrong” debate CLOSE because honestly i am T I R E D of this topic. Every sigle time we always end up talking about the same tiring shit. Stop. How do you guys still have the energy?

Everyone has different opinions. The thing you should keep in mind before acting embarrassing is that nobody is perfect, Sebastian included. So if you support him don’t come for people who doesn’t want to hate on Annabelle for a like. Hold them accountable and go on and have a life for fuck’s sake. And try to read between the lines because when that anon said “i support annabelle” it was a way to say “i am not one of those jobless hater” while talking about a totally different topic. And yet YOU decided to open the whole fucking Pandora vase. As if we haven’t discussed this since the day she liked that post.

I indeed will read what you send to me but i am not posting the asks. Because i am genuinely annoyed.

I am not posting the ones i agree with more nor the ones i do not agree with. So you can’t accuse me of posting just what i want.

👍🏼

[flesh-and-silk]

I wish all dense people especially here and on TikTok to understand that it's alright to dislike a character's vibes/personality/whatever. What ISN'T alright is to ignore a character's complexity and lore and treat them like an inherently cruel animal or a joke just because they're white/straight/a man/whatever.

When you're all "anti" a character that shows clear and very accurate symptoms of mental illness, you're being dehumanizing of people that struggle with such things.

Also, no, I'm not saying that mental illness can excuse being an asshole. I'm saying that no one's born "evil" and y'all need to understand it is possible to love someone AND hold them accountable for their actions at the same time.

How about not being such an ableist?

Kindly, a disabled person.

[slightlymore]

the cave

fratboy!jeno x fem reader

Genre: One-shot | Smut | Haters (kinda) to lovers (kinda) | a little fluff

Words: 5.7K 

Warnings: rough and dirty, semi-public setting (car)

For my 🍓 anon ❤️

It was late afternoon and you were in Jeno Lee’s car. 

Yes, that Jeno Lee. 

How did that happen and where were you going? You had no idea. 

Just a few minutes ago you were walking through the parking lot, fuming and wanting to fight him. You had a stupid presentation for a terrible class and not only you were paired with him but you also did the majority of the work alone since he was “busy”, and he didn’t even show up.

This was the time you would choke him. 

You heard the voices of his friends first, loud and obnoxious, then you saw him. Sprawled on the hood of his car, Jeno Lee was smiling with not one single worry in mind. You tightened your fists. 

The chatter slowly died as you approached them like a bolt, and Jeno sat up, putting one leg down and keeping the one up manspreading as if he was the king of the world. 

God, you hated him. 

“Why didn’t you come to class?” you hit his foot with yours. 

A chorus of voices reacted to that with loud “woo”s, laughing, hitting each other in the ribs like children. The only one with a poker face was Jeno himself as he looked down at his now slightly dusty shoe then slowly at your figure. 

You were standing there, arms crossed on your chest and furious eyes. When he reached them he smiled. 

“Why? You missed me, doll?” he asked instigating a new flood of giggles. 

You rolled your eyes. 

He wouldn’t be so snarky without his group of frat boys to shield his back. 

You looked at them one by one, with their matching leather jackets and their friendship bracelets, with their weird chants and intricate handshakes, and you really wanted to hate them. 

And you did. 

But it would be a lie to say that they weren’t also somewhat intriguing. 

You would follow them with your eyes as they walked around the college campus, untouchable but weirdly friendly with everyone. Thoughts about their secret meetings and discussion topics would roam your head at night, as well as thoughts about - well, Jeno, because you hated him - and the main thing everyone was curious about: the Cave. 

The Cave was a place, god knows what kind, where they would spend most of their time when not illegally racing with their flashy cars in the city or flirting with girls at some party. 

The Cave was almost a legend, talked by all students and even professors. No one really knew what they were doing there but the rumors were wild: they had a giant trampoline, they had a fighting ring, they did blood sacrifices. The boys never tried to make them die and you were almost sure that they secretly created some of them themselves. 

“I don’t think you’d be so carefree if I told Mark that you messed up with his car last week,” you said nonchalantly while lazily picking at your nails. 

The chatter died. You smiled satisfied.

No one knew anything about the Dreamies but somehow everyone was aware of their first three rules. 

1. No one besides the Dreamies can know the Cave’s location. 

2. No one besides the Dreamies can enter the Cave. 

3. No one can touch Mark’s car. 

This Mark guy was the Dreamies’ leader but took off a semester for some family business leaving Jeno in charge. They’ve been good for a while, following the rules and behaving as usual. It was not until last week that you accidentally - or not so accidentally - overheard them talk about their plans to use Mark’s car for that day’s race. 

“But we didn-”. One of the guys, Chenle?, started to talk but Jeno stopped him by lightly hitting his chest with the back of his hand before he could complete his sentence. 

Then with a fluid movement, almost like a cat, he descended from the hood, landing on his feet right in front of you. 

Your breath hitched and you definitely jolted. He was as close as to kiss you if only you raised your head to look at him. But you kept it low, staring at his throat instead, trying hard to not step back and look intimidated. 

Jeno wanted to look at you in the eyes though, and he did as he pleased, dragging one of his fingers along your jaw before placing it under your chin and lifting it up to meet his gaze. 

His eyes were dark as one has when aroused or angry. The sudden tingle in your stomach indicated that you secretly wanted for it to be the first case but as soon as Jeno spoke, you knew that it was the latter one instead. 

“I can recognize a threat when I hear one,” his deep voice said almost in a whisper. “What do you want?” he asked soon after. 

You gulped. 

Staring at him like that you realized you lost your voice and if only he let his hand fall down to your neck Jeno would know just how fast your pulse was. 

“T- take me to the Cave,” you sputtered out trying to sound confident but ending up stuttering. 

The boys starter to chat loudly again, surprised and shocked, trying to convince Jeno to not do it. 

“Listen, what’s worse? Breaking the third rule or the first one?” one voice asked, probably Jisung. 

“Why are we even having this conversation? Tell her how to behave like a good girl,” the only lazy and unbothered voice said, definitely Jaemin. 

While the others yelled Jeno’s expression didn’t shift. His eyes stared at you as if trying to read something deep inside yours and after a while you found yourself sweating. 

“So?” you spoke up. “What’s your decision?” you asked faking fearlessness. 

“Ok,” he simply replied letting your chin go and stepping back. 

Everyone yelled, even more, surrounding both of you. 

“Jeno, I swear, you’re fucking dumb sometimes,” Renjun said crossing his arms on his chest. 

“Sometimes?” Haechan raised one eyebrow, amused. The boy hopped off the hood as well and smiled at you. 

“Let him do it,” he added getting closer and walking around your body until stopping behind you. 

“But...” Haechan placed his hands on your shoulders and leaned in as if wanting to whisper in your ear, “...we’re going to break only the second rule,” he added and from the tone of his voice, you could tell that he was smirking. 

Jeno, still standing in front of you, smiled as well looking at whatever expression Haechan was making. 

This was not a good sign. 

“Hop in the car, doll,” Jeno suddenly ordered, and before you could make a step Haechan was already pushing you towards the passenger’s seat while Jeno opened the door of the driver’s side. 

You looked at everyone’s expressions and by now, they were all smiling knowingly as if the message from before passed to their minds telepathically. Was this also a Dreamies thing?

Sitting down, Haechan put in the seatbelt for you. 

“Safety first, love, remember it,” he winked and in a second the door was closed and you were on the road.  ______

You’ve been driving in silence for a few minutes. The car was warm from being under the sun the whole day but the air conditioning kicking it gave relief to your hot cheeks. You’ve never been in a guy’s car before and you’ve never been alone with Jeno Lee. You dared him to take you to the Cave but you didn’t think he’d accept. You’ll go there and see it, then what? 

You shivered, feeling uneasy. 

Jeno was looking straight ahead and you weren’t able to decipher his expression. With the corner of your eyes, you kept on staring at his profile then quickly glancing at his hand placed on top of the wheel, then even quicker as if not letting even yourself notice it, at his thighs. 

Oh God. 

You looked away. 

You gulped down and breathed in and out to calm your nerves. 

Fuck, his car smells just like him. 

You closed your eyes annoyed. 

“Seriously, why didn’t you come to class today? I had to do the presentation all alone,” you said suddenly, hoping that talking with him would prevent your mind from roaming to dangerous places. 

“I wanted to make you angry,” he replied with a little smile. 

Your head snapped towards him. 

“And are you satisfied now?” you asked irritated. 

“I am very satisfied,” he glanced at you for a split second but it was enough for you to see his flirty eyes. 

You opened your mouth to continue with the bickering when he suddenly pulled over to the side and turned his whole body towards you. 

You felt your eyes widen and you looked outside the window. 

Finally. 

The Cave. 

“Is this it?” you asked gazing the anonymous buildings running along the street. But then you felt his body getting closer and the first thing you thought about was worrying that your breath wasn’t fresh enough for him to kiss you. 

You turned your head towards him and placing a hand on his chest you stopped him, embarrassed. He looked up surprised. 

“I’m-” you stuttered trying to say something, unable to look at him in the eyes. 

He chuckled and placed a hand on top of yours, caressing it for a second, pressing it on his body - and those were definitely some hard pecs - before forcing it down on your thigh. 

“I need to get-” he said leaning towards you again and moving your legs by touching your bare knees, “-this,” he finished the sentence as he opened the compartment in front of you and retrieving a black scarf. 

You jolted at his touch and jolted again when he straightened his back, getting behind the wheel and making you feel the soft material on your skin in the movement. 

“I would never kiss you without you asking me, doll,” he smiled seeing your embarrassed expression. 

“What?” you asked as a reflex, the hope of him not noticing that, vanishing. 

“I said,” he repeated slowly, “I would never kiss-”.

“I heard what you said,” you interrupted him.  “I meant, why do you think that-,” you went on with your question but Jeno talked on top of you as well. 

“Because I can see it”. 

Your words died in your throat. He was staring as if ready to eat you all up, with those eyes of his and that fucking smirk. 

“Well, it’s not true,” you finally replied then you cleared your throat. “What are we doing? Is this the place?” you added trying to deviate the discourse from kissing, looking around you, but Jeno didn’t budge.

“Tell me again”. 

The silence became the protagonist for a moment after he said that and air got suddenly warm and thick.

“What do you want me to say?” you asked. Your voice, previously high, imitated his tone.

“Tell me that you don’t want me to kiss you,” he explained. 

“I said it already”.

Jeno placed one arm around your seat and leaned in again, this time close to your ear. 

“Tell me ‘Jeno, I don’t want you to slowly taste my lips then grab my sides as I whine into the kiss from wanting more and I don’t want you to slide your tongue into my mouth as I climb into your lap and sit on those thighs that I definitely didn’t stare at the whole drive while your hands fall down to my ass and press me down hard as I start to grind-’”.

You kissed him. 

Yeah. 

Just like that. 

You pressed your lips on his and you liked the way his breath hitched for a split second. 

He was teasing you and you hated him so much that you had to do it. Because he was irritating and mighty and obnoxious and you hated him. You would look at his long legs under the class desk or at his back, you would look at his hands twirling the pen on his long fingers, you would hear his laugh on the university corridors, you would look at his bare arms as he played basketball, and you hated him. 

So fucking much. 

But then the kiss didn’t go into the direction you hoped it would go. 

He broke it off after a little while making it more like a longer peck rather than kiss. 

You looked up at his face surprised and flustered. 

“Put this on your eyes,” he gave you the scarf. You looked down at it confused. 

Uhm? Hello? We were kissing. 

“I’ll show you the cave but you can’t know where that is,” he explained. 

You looked up at him again. 

Okay, but what does that have to do with you kissing? Was he playing? He just wanted to see you all worked up for nothing just like he wanted to see you angry? 

Yes, you hated him. 

You slid the material from his hands in a single movement, trying hard to not let him know how embarrassed you were from trying to kiss him while he refused. 

You stared him down daringly while bringing the scarf to your face and knotting it behind your head. 

“Is this alright?” you asked irritated mostly because you were feeling embarrassed out of your fucking mind and acting angry was better than letting him know just how weak that peck made you.

But Jeno didn’t reply. The only sounds were your breaths, yours - quicker and sharper, his - deep and relaxed. 

"Jeno? Are we goin-" but he shut you up by brushing his lips with your again instead, this time wrapping your jaw with his hand and placing the other one on your side, touching the bare skin on your lower stomach that the t-shirt revealed. 

You whined surprised putting your hands on his chest and whined again as you felt his velvety tongue on your bottom lip, nudging at it for you to open up, and you did, letting him slide inside, playing with your tongue. 

Fuck, you were kissing Jeno Lee. 

His fingers caressed the side of your face before letting them fall down to your shoulder and down even more. Wrapping your waist with his arm he pulled you closer and you let out a little yelp as you let yourself be dragged towards him. 

You sat down on his thighs and unable to see, you brought your hands up to feel his lips, caressing his neck and face in the process. 

You heard him chuckle as his hands went up and down on your back, sending shivers all over your spine. All of your other senses got sharper and your skin shivered under his touch, your ears picked up the notes of his voice, you breathed in his perfume feeling dizzy. 

When you finally reached his lips you couldn’t do anything but lightly moan as your finger got wrapped by their softness, sucked in, and played with. 

“Jeno,” your voice trembled surprised. He hummed back as a reply. 

You let him circle it with his tongue then kitty lick the tip and you were almost ready to deadass ask him to eat you out just like that when the car made a weird noise and you fell on his chest with a high pitched scream. 

“Jeno! Don’t recline your seat so suddenly,” you whined, sensing what just happened. 

Jeno chuckled on your lips and wrapped his arms around your body before kissing them again. 

“Say my name again just like that, doll,” he whispered. 

Your knees got weak. 

You were panting, adrenaline kicking in making your limbs trembling. His presence was so strong, overwhelming you. You were sitting on Jeno Lee's hard cock while he was making out with you and suddenly you remembered that you were supposed to hate him. 

Whining as he bit your lower lip and as his hands palmed your ass cheeks you broke off the kiss just enough for you to whisper. 

“Give me a reason to call your name like that,” you replied feeling brave, like a challenge. You wanted him to feel weak and hopeless in front of you as well. You wanted him to whine and moan as you made him feel good. 

But you regretted it the same second as the last syllable left your lips when Jeno’s fingers draped your stomach and got underneath the fabric of your jeans. 

“Jeno!” you shifted your body surprised. “Wait-” 

Jeno’s fingers stopped right on top of your clit. You moaned softly under your breath and hid your face in the crook of his neck at the sensation. 

No, no, this was no good. You had to stop. 

"Fuck, oh fuck, wait-" you mumbled. 

“Doll,” he chuckled, “you have to let my hand go if you want us to stop,” he added. 

You gulped realizing that his hand was trapped under your body weight and you tried to collect all the force you had to lift yourself up and just stop whatever he wanted to do to you. 

But your hips just started to move on their own and you whined fighting with yourself. 

Jeno chuckled again and nibbled at your neck. 

“Doll,” he warned you still keeping his hand still, “you said you didn’t want this,” he added as you rocked on his fingers slowly. 

“Shut up, I want this but you make me so angry so I hate that I want this,” you breathed into his ear. 

“Oh, so you hate me?” he grabbed your hips with the other hand stopping your motion while the other started to circle your clit slowly, getting in charge of the action. You buried your face into his neck even more to muffle the sounds you were starting to make. 

Fuck it felt so good. 

“Yes,” you replied. 

“Because I make you angry?” 

“Y-yes," your voice trembled. 

“Do you get this wet every time someone makes you angry?” he nudged with his nose at the side of your face before placing a kiss there. 

“No, it happens only with you-” you whined stretching the last word in a high moan as Jeno slid one finger inside of you with a soft groan. 

You had no idea why you were so honest with him. You dreamed about that situation happening so many times but you had no idea how good you would feel by having your body pressed on his, one hand caressing you while the other pumping slowly inside, touching places you didn't know could make you feel so dizzy. 

“You get so worked up that you want me to fuck you? Huh? Perhaps I should have taken you right when you came up angrily at me, in front of everyone,” he said and you moaned as a reply, not stopping your mind from imagining all of that, you bent over the hood of his car, Jeno thrusting inside of you-

“Oh, you like that? You want everyone to watch?” he added a second finger as he felt you clenching, making your whole body shudder on top of him. 

You nodded and he let out the air through his teeth, picking up the pace and ending up rubbing himself in the process as well. 

He pumped hard inside of you, letting his other hand rise under your t-shirt and palm your breasts on top of your bralette. He definitely liked the thin material of that as a second soft groan escaped his lips while rolling one of your nipples with two fingers. When he pinched it and sat up to reach it with his teeth you let your head fall back and intertwined your fingers in his hair. He pulled your bra down and sucked on your nipples, biting down, then sucked on the skin above that, then on your soft neck. 

“Jeno- I’m about - I’m - I think - fuck,” you stuttered about to cum but you probably shouldn’t have said that as he retrieved his fingers from you in the same moment. 

You gasped about to whine for edging you like that but you didn’t manage to as he shoved his fingers inside your mouth. You sucked on them, tasting your own arousal. 

“Get back to your seat,” he ordered. 

“Jeno-,” you lifted your hands to your face as to remove the scarf from your eyes but he stopped you by grabbing your wrists. 

“Be a good girl and maybe I’ll make you cum.”

“But-,”

“You wanted to see the Cave, now you’ll going to see it.”

In a second your ass touched your own seat and the engine of the car rumbled indicated that Jeno started to drive. You still couldn’t see but you were sure that you were going very fast. 

“If you touch yourself I’m going to spank you,” he warned you seeing one of your hands glide between your legs. You were so close before that your mind was all foggy. You didn’t stop at his words and let out the dirtiest moans instead fingering yourself on the passenger seat. 

“Perhaps I would like that,” you replied breathlessly. 

Jeno swore quietly and you would have loved to see his expression. 

“Doll, stop or I’m going to lose control of the wheel.” His voice was low and threatening. 

“Then stop driving and fuck me,” you replied, and right at that moment, the wheels screeched and you heard Jeno getting out of the car slamming the door. 

You were breathing so heavily from edging yourself for the second time and for the excitement of what was about to happen. 

You jolted as your door got opened and your wrist grabbed by his strong fingers. Jeno dragged you out of the car and made you walk hurriedly into a certain direction. As a door creaked after the sound of keys and the air suddenly changed - leather and men - you knew you were entering the Cave. 

You walked a few steps on what seemed concrete then the sound of your shoes got muffled as you stepped on something resembling a rug. Jeno pushed you towards what seemed like a couch, your face met a leathery surface, your jeans got dragged down and your ass got spanked, all in a second. 

“Here you go, doll,” he groaned after the second slap making you jolt. "Do you like this? Hm?" 

You clenched your jaw and you felt your core dripping. 

After the third slap, his hand wrapped your ass, kneading the softness of it and his fingers slid inside of you again. This time he didn’t play, and finger fucked you the way you wanted. You whined, the new angle making your whole body quiver. You felt exposed, unable to see and it was an assault on all of your nerves. 

Your toes curled just like his fingers did inside of you and he drove you insane until your body trembled and your throat hurt from moaning his name, coming all over his fingers. 

Trying hard to catch your breath and come down from your high you whined when Jeno suddenly took the scarf from your eyes. You narrowed them, hurt by the sudden exposure to light, and tried to focus on what was around you but didn’t manage to see anything as Jeno made your turn around and sit down,  coming up in front of you, hands slowly unbuttoning his jeans. 

You sat upright, looking at his face first, showing how fucked up you were, then at his fingers as they dragged his boxers down and wrapped his hard cock. Jeno let out a relieved moan, stroking it slowly for a few seconds then with the other hand he cupped your face. You opened your mouth, staring at him and letting your tongue out. 

"Fuck," he swore through his teeth as he made his cock bounce on your tongue a few times, hitting it lightly. You let him do that then licked the tip, slowly and delicately, teasing him. He hissed, breathing sharply through his teeth. 

"I've always wanted to see you like this," he said, caressing your cheek with his thumb as you had his cock like a lollipop. “Teary-eyed, fucked dumb, sucking me off,” he added caressing your skin. 

You whimpered and took him in as much as you could, giving him a deep suck and he reacted just the way that you wanted, eyes closed, head fallen back, a low moan escaping his lips. 

You went on fast, wanting to drive him insane just like what he was doing to you. 

"Slower, doll," he breathed out and seeing him like that, with hooded eyes, you knew that you could break him if you wanted. 

Or so you thought. 

Because after you ignored his order again he yanked your face away and grabbing your wrists he made you stand in front of him before turning you around. Your bare ass was against his cock and his arms wrapped you tight, bending you down until your hands reached the couch arm and you pressed your fingers into it to sustain yourself. 

"I said," his dangerous voice sending shots of adrenaline through your body, "to slow down. If you're so eager I'm going to fuck you on my terms," he slapped your ass again and you felt your back snap as a response. 

Jeno dug his fingers into your flesh and slowly slipped his cock between your thighs, right below your dripping pussy but without touching it. He groaned and held your waist, thrusting slowly, fucking himself. 

You whined clenching.

"Jeno," you begged him. 

"You want my cock?" he groaned and you nodded. 

"You should have been a good girl and I might have let you bounce on it," he added, accompanying his words with another slap on your ass. You moaned again feeling him so close yet without giving you any friction and you shifted your body to grind on it but his fingers kept you in place. 

"Stay put doll," he warned with a low voice. You ignored him again and slid one hand on your stomach, directing it towards your clit, aching for release. 

Jeno growled and grabbed your arms, making you hit your face on the soft couch not being able to sustain yourself anymore. He held your wrists with one hand and put them behind your back, his hips never finishing chasing his high, rubbing his cock between the soft skin of your thigh, and - fuck - it was so hot, it was driving you insane. You were feeling it, hot and thick, and looking down, you could see how the tip of it would poke out, wet thanks to your dripping pussy above it. 

"Jeno, I hate you," you whimpered. "I want to cum." 

"I don't think you hate me, doll," he chuckled with a short breath. 

"I do," you replied tightening your legs around him and making Jeno moan deeply for the first time.

He grabbed your ass and in a second he was on his knees. You shivered in anticipation as his fingers caressed your lips, opening them up and licking a long stripe along your core. Your lips parted in a silent moan.

"You still hate me?" he asked and his breath on your plump pussy made you shudder. 

"Yes," you replied with a muffled voice as you were pressing it on the couch. 

Jeno clicked his tongue as if disappointed and suddenly buried his face into you, eating you out just the way he sucked on your finger before. 

You were fucking gone. 

The moans you let out were the dirtiest you've ever made and the wet sounds of your arousal mixed with Jeno's saliva made you light-headed. 

"I love it, yes, fuck, I love it, Jeno, Jeno-" you cried out, your hands gripping the couch until your knuckles got lighter from effort. 

You came a second time, trembling hard, and Jeno didn't stop. He fucked you with his tongue through your orgasm, making you jolt, making you scream, then he got up leaving you a second to breathe, too short for you to get down from your high. 

You wanted to look back, to see his face but he grabbed your arms again, pushing your body into the couch, filling you all up with his cock until his balls hit the back of your thighs. 

You cried out, almost sobbing. 

His thrusts were deep and quick loading the air of your moans and his grunts. Your whole body was bouncing and the side of your face was rubbing on the rough leather of the couch. 

"Do you hate me, doll?" he groaned, moving his hips in short and controlled hits. 

"I don't," you replied weakly, all force leaving your body. 

He hummed pleased and slowed down with a deep rumble of his throat making you feel every inch of his cock. 

"You've been frustrated for a long time, right, doll? You wanted my cock so badly, didn't you?"

You nodded. "Yes, yes, please" you wailed. 

"Is this why you wanted to come to the Cave? To beg me to fuck you?" 

Your body shivered, aching for him to go faster. 

"Yes," you breathed out. "Fuck me harder, please". 

“Shit, you’re so fucking hot,” Jeno mumbled. 

He yanked you by the arms, lifting your torso again and holding your wrists with one hand he wrapped the other around your throat. You moaned as he picked up the pace, finally letting himself go, messily thrusting into you. 

You screamed as you reached your third orgasm, this one even stronger than the others and your voice got accompanied by Jeno's groan as he released into you as well. 

You were on the verge of passing out when he pulled out slowly, limbs weak and blood boiling. 

He let go of your arms gently and you sunk into the couch on your stomach, breathing heavily.

Jeno was panting as well as he sat down beside you, letting his head fall back to catch his breath. 

You both rested, with closed eyes until you were able to raise your head and look at him. 

"I didn't notice you were wearing a condom," you said with a hoarse voice and Jeno opened up his eyes to look back. 

"Of course I would wear a condom, you silly," he replied quietly. His voice was tired and soft while his hand approached your head to caress your hair slowly. Then it went to your swollen and abused lips, touching them delicately. 

You felt your cheeks heat up. 

Both empty and burnt-out, you suddenly felt embarrassed for everything you've said before. Also, you've never seen Jeno like that, with no smirk on and without flirting. Your heart fluttered seeing him with rosy cheeks and feeling his fingers play with your hair like that. 

"Well, I-" you started but got embarrassed even harder trying to get up, unsure of what to do next. 

He smiled and pulled you closer to make you rest your head on his lap, then leaning down he pressed his lips on yours. 

"Why? You wanted me to fill you all up with my cum?" he whispered and you froze for a second before lightly hitting his chest. He chuckled at your reaction. 

Yeah, you still kinda hated him and no, he wasn't soft at all. 

Jeno was about to open his mouth to say something snarky again when the sound of multiple cars made you both look towards the door. 

"Must be the others," he just said unbothered. 

"Fuck," you sat up in a hurry and grabbed your jeans. 

Your legs were all wobbly as you tried to get dressed before the boys entered the cave. Looking at Jeno you rolled your eyes. 

"Hurry up!" you ordered and he chuckled again, lazily buttoning his pants. 

The sound of the Dreamies' voices made you turn around your head. Your heart was pumping blood at a crazy speed. 

"Knock knock, may we come in?" Renjun asked amused. 

You sat down beside Jeno as he replied that yes, they may, and tried hard to stop yourself from panting. 

The boys entered laughing and looking around curiously. 

"Everything alright?" Haechan asked with a smirk. 

You acted nonchalantly. "Yes". Your voice came out too high pitched for it to be considered casual though. 

Haechan raised his eyebrows once at you then looked at Jeno. You jerked you face to Jeno to see his expression, afraid that he would give everything away, but whatever face he made it was already gone as he looked at you as well with an innocent face. But Haechan was satisfied since he chuckled. 

"I hope that seeing the cave was a nice experience," Jaemin sat down on the couch beside you. 

"Oh yes, I had a good time," you replied, suddenly unable to carry on a normal conversation. 

The others spread around the room and you looked around, finally being able to see what the Cave was even about. A garage, full of the weirdest things such as expensive motorcycles and arcade games, but also normal stuff, a low table, chairs, food, empty bottles of beer, a fridge, a guitar, drums, blankets, videogames. No trampoline, no blood. 

You had to admit, you were a little disappointed but it was definitely a cozy place. 

You were about to relax, listening to the boy’s chatter as the conversation went away from you when Jaemin looked down near his foot, keeping it up a few centimetres from the ground as if not wanting to step on something. 

"Oh, I bet you had a good time," he commented amusedly. 

You looked down as well and you felt your world collapse as you noticed the used condom. Haechan turned around and laughed at the scene. 

"I'm glad you took my advice," he joked. 

Everyone giggled. 

Fuck. 

You sat up, dying from the embarrassment and mumbled that you had to go. You made a few steps as everyone tried to stop you. 

"Y/N, wait," Jaemin spoke up. You turned around. 

"You forgot these," he smiled with your panties draped on one of his fingers. 

Your eyes widened and in a second you yanked them from his hands. Jeno had the courtesy of looking embarrassed as well. 

"Oh, they're still damp," Jaemin commented rubbing his index and thumb together. 

"Shut up!" you said putting them away from their eyes. 

Jeno chuckled and got up. "Leave her alone Jaemin," he straightened his pants and walked towards you. "Wait, I'll drive you," he said to you. 

"I don't need you. I can go home alone," you crossed your arms on your chest. 

Jeno's smile didn't flatter and he took your hand, pulling you towards him. 

"This act is useless now. I know you don't hate me, doll. On the contrary," he whispered on your temple before placing a kiss on your forehead. 

Fuck it. 

You bit your lower lip and let him wrap your shoulders, walking towards the door showered by the Dreamies' cheers. 

[ggukkiedae]

Protective Best Friend

notes: it’s like one in the morning where i am sooo SURPRISE ATTACK lmao :p it’s been a while since we’ve heard from yoonmi’s soulmates daehwi and somi :p this is just them bonding and discussing daehwi’s way of protecting his two soulmates

also keep in mind soulmates can be platonic :p i feel like a lot of people forget that amsjfjf

enjoy! feel free to leave a suggestion, request, question, reaction, or anything really, my askbox and pms are always open!

-c

reminder: any dialogue writen in italics is spoken in english

WARNINGS: hints of insecurity, mentions of bullying and misogyny

Yoonmi lightly tugged at the ends of her hair while watching the music video. She loved it, of course. Seeing her members in the fun normal teenager kind of environment made her smile. She just felt off to see that she definitely was on the thicker side in comparison to her members. Maybe she should go on a diet alongside her physical activities.

“Hey, princess,” Jimin knocked on the open room door, “you’ve got some visitors.”

Yoonmi looked up to see Daehwi and Somi walking right into her room. She jumped up and ran over to give them hugs. Her best friends came over after how long of not seeing them! (That was an exaggeration, she saw them in school just the other day) She brought them over to her bed while Jimin closed the door behind them. She offered them some cookies she had stored on the desk.

“Look at you, Miss Comeback,” Daehwi lightly teased while tussling her hair. “Your hair is finally free.”

“I still think there was no point in the school making you wear a wig,” Somi laughed.

“So do I,” Yoonmi agreed, “but how are you guys? We only ever talk about school now. What’s up with Brand New Music, Hwi?”

“Woojin hyung and I transferred together,” Darhwi shrugged. “I like it there. I have more musical freedom to work on my own stuff.”

“It must be nice knowing how to make music,” Somi sighed.

“You can learn,” Yoonmi reassured her, “I’m sure you’ll be great at it!”

“I might have to put that off for a while, though,” Somi smiled sheepishly, “I’m going to be on another survival show.”

Yoonmi and Daehwi’s jaws dropped. They looked at each other then back at Somi.

“Wasn’t Sixteen scarring enough?” Daehwi asked. Somi shrugged.

“Management told me yesterday,” she began, “They said something about promoting me more. I agreed, and filming starts on Friday.”

Yoonmi recalled her mental calendar. It was Wednesday, meaning it was only a few days until she had to go through another survival show.

“That’s in two days!” Daehwi shouted, “Is JYP crazy? They’re giving you so little time to prepare!”

“I’ll get through it,” Somi waved it off, “It’ll somewhat be like Jisung oppa winging his monthly evaluations, but I’ll be more prepared. Anyway, Yoonmi, let’s watch your music video!”

Yoonmi raised her eyebrow at her trying to end the topic. She knew how it felt to want to end a conversation, so she relented and took the laptop she had borrowed from the company again. She could hear Daehwi muttering to himself about how JYP was doing Somi wrong. They sat in silence, only reacting every now and then to the music video.

“You’re literally so cute,” Somi pinched Yoonmi’s cheeks when the video finished, “I wanna squish you.”

“You’re gonna bruise her cheeks,” Daehwi laughed.

“But, Hwi,” Somi said, “she’s so lovable!”

“Which is why I think her haters are stupid,” Daehwi scoffed.

“Daehwi,” Yoonmi began.

“No,” Daehwi cut her off, “Yoonmi, you don’t hear what they say about you in school. About Somi, too! It’s either they want to befriend you guys for your fame or they take any chance they can to shoot you two down.”

Daehwi quieted down after the mini-rant, and Somi was looking everywhere but at Yoonmi. She tilted her head.

“Did I miss something in school?” she asked.

“I got suspended for a week,” Daehwi grumbled. Yoonmi was about to speak when Somi started recounting the story.

“Daehwi overheard some guys talking about us in a weird way,” she started, “and he may or may not have cursed them out.”

“Daehwi,” Yoonmi scolded him, “I appreciate it, but you got in trouble! Where was Somi when this happened?”

“I was in class,” Somi clarified, “and, well, at least he wasn’t the one who spilled rotten milk in a bunch of people’s lockers.”

There was a silence. Daehwi leaned against the wall with a smirk on his face. Somi and Yoonmi exchanged looks.

“I regret nothing,” Daehwi shrugged when the two girls turned to him. “Those boys were being misogynistic over you two, and I wasn’t about to let them go free. Wait until they see the school’s anonymous page tomorrow morning.”

“You’re terrifying, did you know that?” Somi asked him.

“I have to defend my two soulmates,” Daehwi defended himself then pulled both girls into a hug, “because you two are amazing.”

“You’re acting like such an oppa,” Yoonmi shook her head while wrapping her arms around her two friends.

“Well,” Daehwi teased, “I am practically a year older than you, Yoon.”

“Okay, oppa,” Yoonmi laughed, “Putting the kinda sad things aside, Somi! What are you planning to perform?”

Silently, the three of them agreed to not bring up the public’s view of the two girls and just spend the rest of the day catching up with each other.

[imagine-that-one-thing]

Her Majesty. || 9

Morphine.

Pervious Chapter || Chapter Eight.

Anastasia’s POV 

Growing up, my life wasn’t simple but it wasn’t exactly disastrous as it is now. Growing up, I would run through the gardens and fields, I’d love travelling through tunnels and secret passages, I’d enjoy the carriage rides and royal duties, now, I sort of despise them. 

I feel like life is on a downward spiral and there’s nothing I can do to stop it. There’s nothing I can really do to fix any of the situations that have arisen from the last few days. 

I haven’t been able to see Harry since we landed a few days ago, once my family got into the palace to get a few personal items, we were moved to Windsor Castle and Harry was taken to the emergency room. Matthew has done his best to keep me in the loop; Harry had surgery on his dislocated shoulder, and that’s as much as I was told. My father has us on strict lockdown, I’m not allowed to leave, even with security. For the most part, I’m not even allowed to roam the outside of the castle in the areas where the public eye can see me. I’ve had Oliver on my services, the poor fella is doing his best to learn the ropes as quickly as possible, but after the boat incident, he’s shaken up.

If I’m being honest, I am too. Oliver hid me down in the galley of the vessel, he shoved me into a small area and closed the door. I felt suffocated but I knew I had to stay tranquil. I could overhear footsteps and mumbled breaths before the scuffling of bodies caused me to hold my breath. I could detect Oliver in some sort of altercation, suddenly, a piercing gunshot silenced the altercation. I gasped and grabbed the gun Harry had given me, I wrapped my hands around it and began to silently pray, not only for my safety but for Oliver and everyone else’s. “Princess,” Oliver whispered before he reopened the door and crouched down to my level, “Hey, we need to get off the boat quickly, I’m going to ask you to close your eyes and I’ll carry you. You don’t need to see this.” Oliver softly informed, “I’ll tell you when you can open your eyes, but keep that gun in your hand, okay?” Oliver commanded, gesturing to the gun as my hands shook, “It’s okay, you know how to use it, right?” 

I nodded my head, abruptly realising that this is real. My life was truly in danger and I have to rely on Oliver to keep me safe. If I had my choice, I wouldn’t have him to be the one keeping me safe at this moment, I prefer if it was Harry, I know I can trust him. But, I have to leave my life in the hands of a stranger. I barely know him but I am left vulnerable and in his hands. “Okay, close your eyes, I’ll carry you out,” Oliver directed and I did just that before he picked me up and carried me out. 

I’m not sure what Oliver had to witness, I can only assume the gunshot was him killing his antagonist, but I’m grateful I didn’t have to observe the aftermath of it. I’m shaken up over it all and I’m not the one who had to fire the gun and cripple someone. 

I stroll down the bleak hallways with Oliver, administering small conversation in an attempt to pass some time, for the first time in a long time, I don’t have royal duties to tend to. I haven’t had to take calls or have meetings, I haven’t even had to reply to letters. My father has completely given me some time off. And as much as I appreciate it, I’m wholly bored without Harry. There’s only so many occasions I can wander the grounds with Oliver before I know he’s getting weary of me. 

I grin as Matthew rounds the corner and begins to make his way to us. Matthew glances at Oliver and nods, “Go watch the monitors for the east wing. I’ll take the Princess from here,” Matthew instructs, and Oliver immediately begins to walk off. 

Matthew watches Oliver walk away and round the corner before he beings to speak, “I don’t suppose you’ve found Harry yet, huh?” Matthew beams at me. 

I shake my head, “I don’t know where my father has hidden him,” I respond in all honesty. I have no clue where Harry is.. Since Harry’s surgery, for some reason, my father transferred Harry into Windsor. But to which section and room, I’m unaware of. Nobody has been able to tell me, the staff don’t know anything, my mother couldn’t give me any answers and Matthew has been in and out of the grounds trying to get things under control.

“Come with me,” Matthew directs, leading the way. 

We talk for the length of our journey, essentially discussing the events of what has occurred, what will happen and he also briefed me on the fact that at any given time, I can be put into an entire lockdown due to the high risk of an attack on the family. It’s scary to imagine that for some reason, the family is being targeted. I’m not sure what my father has done, but it seems as though he has done business with the wrong people. I don’t want to know the details at this point. My mother is beginning to feel the aftermath of everything, she has secured herself in her room for the last two days because, she too, has no understanding of what is transpiring. I don’t think she can wrap her head around everything either. She was fortunate that she didn’t chaperon the event on the boat. Part of me queries if she is getting ready to go into the shadows and turn against the royal duties she has. Her assistant has been handling everything, taking phone calls, responding to emails and letters, probably teamed up with my assistant as well. 

My mother is a strong-minded character, she is never truly silenced, she has nevermore before locked herself in her chambers and dismissed all duties, but whatever is happening at the moment is destroying her, it is destroying us. She has dealt with a lot when it comes to life as a Queen, she has been followed by the press, she has been scrutinised and dealt with a few haters, she has learnt many languages and always been by my father’s side no matter the cost. She makes it all look easy, being a Queen, but deep down, I know it has to be taking a toll on her by now. It is all taking a toll on my father, he still wants to step down as King and hand the crown to me in just a few months, but I don’t want it. I don’t want the strings that come with it, I don’t want the constant fears of having to look over my shoulder any more than what I already have to. 

This is not how it was meant to be, this is not what it is like in all the stories my parents told me. This is not how they told me it would be when they announced I would be taking over soon. 

This is not a fairytale. This is not a happy ending.

Matthew and I reach a door and he turns to me, “He won’t stay awake long, he’s getting groggy, I’ll be right here if you need me, okay?” 

I nod my head before Matthew unlocks the door and allows me into the room where Harry is. I step inside the relatively small room with white walls and gold-trimmed ceilings. There is a fireplace in the corner of the room and right in front of the bed there is a dresser that has a few candlesticks on it and a glass box, from afar, I can assume it is a jewellery box of some sort. Along the walls, there are various paintings. I am not sure what it is but Windsor has more paintings than I think I can count. 

I observe Harry in the bed, half up with pillows propped against his back and neck and a pillow under his left arm that is encompassed by a sling. Harry opens his eyes and gives me a meagre smile as I shuffle closer to him. “Hey,” he breathes out. 

“Hey, heard you got that morphine you asked for,” I smile, attempting to lighten the mood while I kiss his forehead. 

“Mhm,” he hums, “Jus’ enough to knock off the edge for a bit.” 

“How’s the pain?” I question, guilt tugging at me while he does his best to conceal his discomfort. 

He might be in a comfortable bed with godawful portraits staring at him and morphine at his request, but it doesn’t make me feel any better about the situation as a whole. 

“They still have me on morphine, so not bad. Your father has your doctor watching me. I don’t know why you don’t like her.” Harry answers with a smug grin. 

Whenever I have the doctor, she doesn’t give me pain meds, she tends to sit and watch me while hooking me up to Iv’s and taking my blood. Unlike him, I get a different treatment. Then again, I have yet to have an incident where I need strong pain meds. When I broke my ribs, she did put me on some pain meds but she made sure it was nothing strong.

I’m shocked my father has the private royal doctor looking after Harry, just as much as I’m surprised my father didn’t let Harry go back to his own private area at Buckingham, but instead made sure Harry was at Windsor with us. I don’t know why my father is being so generous, but I won’t challenge it. 

I playfully roll my eyes, “You just like the pain relief.” I respond, resting on the edge of the bed. Harry takes a breath and shifts some of the covers, revealing his arm before he reaches over with his right hand and intertwines his fingers with mine. 

Harry lifts his lips into a small smile, “I love you,” Harry sweetly breathes out while his thumb grazes circles on my hand.

“I love you, too. You worry me though.” I sigh. 

“Why?” 

I lift my shoulders into a shrug, “You… you put your life on the line for me and Dad, you could have died.” 

“Jus’ a bad shoulder, Anna.” 

I shake my head. It wasn’t just a bad shoulder, he put his life on the line when he went back for my father while leaving me to get off the boat with Oliver. “It could have been worse. I think we should get married.” 

“We are getting married,” Harry tiredly smiles, drifting towards the ring on my necklace. “Hey, don’t cry, I’m fine.” Harry murmurs, noticing my eyes beginning to well up with tears that have been threatening to fall for days. I have kept myself together for the last few days, mainly because I don’t want anyone to see me breaking or to ask questions. After all, how am I meant to tell my parents, who have no clue about the relationship, that I am petrified of losing Harry? I am terrified of what is happening and the fact we are in danger. I am scared for us all. I never thought all the protocol and the hypothetical emergency situations would come true. 

I can’t help but worry and believe that things could have been a lot worse with Harry. Things nevertheless could be a lot worse. Harry still has to defend me and do his duty, we never know when something critical could transpire. 

“No, I want to get married soon. No waiting.” I inform Harry of my thoughts. 

I don’t want to wait and plan a long drawn out wedding, there is no need to have some lavish wedding and spend years planning it. All I need is him, all we need is to be happy and in love. That is all it takes.

I don’t even need the dress, all I require is him— to take me as my wife. 

We can get married, have a somewhat normal life together in the castle and ultimately have children, although, I am not quite sure I want my children to be subject to the royal mess that I have had to go through. The concept of children has always been iffy with me, part of me wants them but the other part doesn’t want them to grow up in this lifestyles. 

But, if I do not have children, who takes the crown? 

Which extended family member takes it? 

“Anna… darling, ” Harry begins, “I can’t have this talk right now.” 

“Oh..” I trail off, assuming he no longer desires to get married and is reconsidering everything. 

I don’t blame him for aching to revise his proposal and concept of marrying me. I wouldn’t want to marry in this life. His life will never be the same again once anyone discovers that we are married. He will invariably be followed by the media— he won’t just be a bodyguard— he won’t just be my husband. 

“No, no, I mean… Anna, I’m getting sleepy... I’m seeing double of you… I want to marry you,” Harry immediately reacts, reassuringly. 

“Can I stay here with you?” I softly challenge, not wanting to appear needy. 

It isn’t that I’m being needy, it’s more the thought of losing him doesn’t settle well with me, I was left in the dark for the first few hours he was at the hospital. Nobody told me much information and it pained me. It distressed me not knowing. If I’m here, I’ll know, I’ll be informed and I won’t be left in the dark. I know he is okay and recovering from surgery, but I don’t want to just leave him by himself. 

Harry shakes his head with heavy eyes, “I can’t.” 

“Why?” 

“Anna, I can’t let you stay with me. If-if something happens…” Harry takes a moment to take a few breaths, “I can’t protect you or get up quick enough.” 

“Matthew is right outside.” 

Harry shakes his head, “I’m sorry, I love you.” 

I heavily sigh but respect his wishes. I lean down and kiss his warm cheek, “I love you, too,” I whisper, smiling at him as he nods his head and closes his eyes. “Get some sleep, I will be back later.”

I unobtrusively step out of the room where I’m welcomed by Matthew. “He won’t let me stay with him.” 

Matthew nods his head before closing the door behind me and commencing to walk with me. “He’s groggy, Anna.” 

“But I don’t see why I can’t stay? You’re right here.” 

Matthew sighs, “If something happens, he doesn’t have the strength to get you to safety or to fight someone off.” 

“What could possibly happen? It is the middle of the day.” 

It is midday, if an attack on the family is going to happen, I believe it would be more logical if it was to occur at night. I would say the castle is moderately safe at this hour. 

“Princess, a lot of things. It’s for your safety.” 

Everything appears to always be about my safety, it is like the world revolves around me— but it doesn’t— there are other people in this world. “And what about his safety?” 

Matthew sighs and takes a moment of quietness, “Princess, he signed up for this. He knew his life could end up on the line. We do our best to make sure we are all safe, but you are the priority and so are your parents, not us.” Matthew tries to explain, but I don’t want to listen to it. 

I know that Harry signed up for this job, but it doesn’t mean he should be compromised. “He should be a priority, too. He’s going to be my husband.” 

“He’s the bodyguard right now until he’s the husband and no longer on the service, he can’t be the priority. It’s something you’ll need to take up with your father. It isn’t my decision. I can’t compromise you in order to protect Harry.” 

I roll my eyes and heavily sigh, attempting to understand Matthews point. Matthew isn’t in a position to make decisions when it comes to me and Harry, at the end of the day, I am the one Matthew has a responsibility to protect. He is the head of security, as much as I am Harry’s responsibility, if something goes wrong, it will all turn out to be Matthews fault, he is the head, he has the overall say and power when it comes to what Harry and Oliver do.  “Do you think you could help pull off a wedding without anyone knowing?” I question, curious to whether he can help me.

“I swear you are determined to get me fired,” Matthew laughs, “For you and Harry, I’ll do my best. What do you have in mind?” 

I lift my shoulders into a shrug, “I don’t know, but I want to marry him as soon as I can.” 

“A shotgun wedding… you know that doesn’t look good, right?” 

“What?” 

“Princess, a shotgun wedding makes people think you’re pregnant.” 

I shake my head instantly. “I’m not… and nobody will know, it’s a private wedding for just me and him. You can be the witness and make sure nobody sees.” 

Matthew side-eyes me as we continue to walk the tranquil and aged hallways. “Is Harry onboard about this?” 

“Uh…” I trail off, “Well… maybe? He’s a bit groggy and said we should have this conversation when he’s feeling a bit better.” 

“Mhm, I can see why,” Matthew laughs. “Not a conversation to have while on pain meds and in and out of sleep.” … “When he agrees to it, I will see what I can do. Until then, your assistant wants you, I will take her to you before I have to go check the systems, if you need me, you call me, okay?” 

I nod my head in agreement. 

The most salutary thing about Matthew is that he is sort of like a second Dad. If I ever need him and I can’t get ahold of Harry, a simple call or text and Matthew will be at my side as soon as he can, it doesn’t matter what time of day it is, he will be there. 

Harry’s POV 

I gradually come to terms with the fact that someone is speaking. I can’t entirely hear the words he is saying, I don’t understand them. It takes me a moment to adequately open my eyes and recognise the voice that echos the once peaceful room. 

The king relaxes on a chair with his back to me, his hand pressed to his ear. I do my best to adjust my focus, a little confused as to why he’s talking to himself, but then I realize. He’s on the phone. 

“No, this eye for an eye ends now. I’ve paid my debts, you don’t get my daughter…. NO! You listen to me, you piece of shit, don’t come near my family. You have gotten the money you wanted, you got some of the assets, I am not giving you any more. You don’t deserve them and your son doesn’t deserve to be a royal or King. I don’t know where you evil wife is, but if she comes anywhere near my family, I will make sure my security team doesn’t let her leave with her life” The king is stern as he speaks to whoever is on the other end of the phone, I can only assume it is the Ace’s family he is talking to. 

I am not sure why he doesn’t have Matthew deal with them, I am sure that there is a way to have them silenced. If I had a say, I would have their heads, mainly because they are endangering Anastasia. Unfotiently, I do not get a say, I do not get to make the commands, all I can do is listen to what I am told. If the King doesn’t want us to deal with them, there is nothing I can do. “No, I did everything I could; I changed the will and testimony as you insisted, there is nothing more I can do. If you want the wedding, get your son to sweep my daughter off her feet, simple. Don’t think I forgot that he is the reason she broke her ribs. I ought to have had Harry kill him right there and then for that stunt.” 

Great, they’re nevertheless attempting to marry Anna off to that prick of a prince to accommodate the fact that his family saved the Queen. If someone saved Anastasia from dying, I would be eternally grateful, but I would be damned if I was to let some ignorant want-to-be sit there and threaten me and my family. This eye for an eye wouldn’t fly for me, I would be putting my foot down—— more so, I would be pulling the trigger on whoever was threatening my family. The king is a powerful man who knows various people, surely there is a way to settle this. There is no way this family has better ties than the King of England. 

“Oh, please? What more can you do to me? I have the top security there is, you cannot get past them….. NO! You listen to me, I don’t care that you’re part of the mafia or have mafia affiliations, the only person who will be swimming with the fish will be you, I will make sure they drown you with concrete on your feet, do you understand me? You as much look at Anna the wrong way and I will have you killed. This is over.” The King’s voice booms like thunder causing me to wince and hold my hand to my head. 

Fuck, I did not need a loud voice to ring through my ears.

The King turns to face me as I move amongst the sheets, he hangs up the phone and steps closer to where I rest. I blink at him a few times, striving to wrap my head around what he has said. I only wish I got the rest of the conversation and woke up sooner. “How are you feeling? How’s the pain?” the King challenges as he clears his throat, perhaps hoping I didn’t hear his phone call.

“Like shit,” I respond honestly, “I have a horrible headache and I’ve had pain for a while, just in and out of sleep from it.” 

“When was the last time the doctor was in here?” 

“Hours ago, I think this morning?” 

I’m not quite sure what time it is now, all I know is my head feels as though I have someone hitting it with a brick, it almost takes the pain away from my shoulder. 

The King nods his head and starts to type on his phone, “The Doctor will be back up here in a few minutes.” 

“Sir, where is Anastasia?” I softly question. 

The king stares at me and raises a brow, “I uh— I actually don’t know,” he cocks his head to the side, “Why?” 

“I’m not on her service, jus’ making sure she has someone watching her.” 

I might be stuck in bed and in pain, but I want to make sure she is still being cared for and looked out for, I know Matthew can be trusted, as for Oliver… He is called Eageltte for a reason, he is the baby in training.

The King nods his head, “I will get ahold of her.”

♔♔♔

Anastasia begged me to let her stay with me for the evening, once she started crying again, I couldn’t tell her ‘No’. I can’t sit and let her cry, the minute she has tears I become putty in her hands. I can’t do it. That is the easiest way for her to win an argument with me, I cave once she cries, every single time. 

I felt bad for her, tear-stained cheeks and puffy eyes as she explained to me that she hadn’t been sleeping the last few nights, she has been stressed and I gather she is still shocked from what has happened in the last few weeks. From Henry pulling his stunts to what happened on the boat, I don’t blame her for not wanting to fall asleep alone. I don’t blame her for not wanting to fall asleep without myself or Matthew standing at her door on guard. 

Unfortunately, she doesn’t feel safe anymore unless I or Matthew are around. There was once a time she would request me to give her time to herself without being observed because she hated all the security, now she is begging me not to make her go to her room. 

Against my better judgment, I let her stay. I allowed her to crawl into bed with me on the conditions that Matthew stayed outside. The last thing either of us needs is for anyone to walk in and see us. Whether it be the doctor or the King himself. I can’t trust that he won’t try to use my room as another private call area. 

I’ve been in and out of sleep, mustering enough energy to check to make sure she is still asleep beside me before falling back asleep. By the time I manage to sit up and glance at her, I am about ready to knock back out again. With each time I wake up, she has shuffled closer to me, I don’t mind, I find it endearing. I will never complain about her wanting to be close to me in the bed, I will never complain that during the night she finds ways to place her hand on me. I will always do my best to make her feel safe and protected with me, and I will do my best to make sure that she has what she needs in this life. I will make sure she has the husband that she needs and merits, someone to be there for her, to support her. She deserves the world and I will do what I can do to make sure she has the world. I love her with every being in me; at the risk of seeming cliche, I love her and intend to love her until my last breath. She truly is everything to me, she is the daydreams of all daydreams. 

I wake up immediately as I discover the door creak open, I force myself up immediately and reach to the side table where my pistol is, “Don’t shoot, it is me,” Matthew powerfully whispers, “Get her up and in the tunnels, the alarm has been pulled,” Matthew directs, and my heart rapidly begins to race. 

I swear at this point, there is not a moment where something isn’t happening.

“Anna, Anna, darling,” I mildly brush Anastasia’s arm, drawing her from her sleep without causing her to panic.  

The last thing I need is for her to panic, she already has enough trouble sleeping as it is. The poor girl doesn’t need to be woken up in a horror of a stir. 

Anastasia sighs and groggily glances at me, “We need to get in the tunnels, get up,” I instruct, forcing her up and out of bed without explanations. “Matthew take her,” I command, grappling to get up quick enough as she grabs a blanket and wraps it around her. 

Anastasia shakes her head, “I’m not going without him.” 

“Now is not the time to be stubborn, Anna,” I mutter, taking a deep breath and pulling myself to my feet, “Matthew, pull that mirror and dresser, it’s the hidden opening,” I gesture towards the gold-trimmed mirror and dresser that I have had the privilege to stare at a few times while in and out of sleep. 

“Fuck, Harry, it’s stuck,” Matthew grunts.

I step around Anna, “Anna, baby, move for a second,” I gesture for her to step away, using my good arm to help Matthew with pulling the secret compartment open, “This is why I didn’t want her staying with me,” I grunt, not too pleased with the fact that if she had of stayed in her place, she would already be safe and sound in the tunnels. “Fucking hell,” I murmur, using all the strength I have to get the passage open a little further. 

“This will have to do, we can fit,” Matthew instructs. 

I glance towards Anastaisa and she steps closer to me. I place my pistol in the waistband of my sweatpants and she slips her hand with my own, “Go, I’m right behind you,” I assure her, “And Matthew is behind me, we are fine,” I continue, supporting her through the passage before she freezes at the vibration of Matthew closing the passage door behind us.

“Harry—” 

“It’s okay, just the door. Here, I’ll go first, it is dark and you’re already startled,” I benevolently tug her behind me and I take the lead. 

I am familiar with the tunnels at Buckingham, Windsor not so much, we are infrequently here and we never utilise these tunnels, we have never needed to, not to mention, the tunnels are remarkably old and dusty.  If I had to decide which tunnels I would prefer to be escorting through, it would be Buckingham’s, at least I know the tunnels there are clean. There is no telling what is down in this chilly, sullen and old passage. 

I can tell these tunnels haven’t been accompanied in years, there are cobwebs everywhere, broken stones and rodents scurrying around. “Harry, this place gives me the heebie jeebies,” Anastasia whispers, gently pulling back on my arm. 

I nod my head and turn to her, “I know, sweetheart, I know,” I respond. 

There is something very unsettling and eerie about the tunnels we are walking through. I can’t quite put my finger down on it, but there is something not right.

The castle started to be built in 1070 and it took sixteen years before it was complete. Over the years, many King and Queens have adjusted the structures and design, for the most part keeping the stone foundations. The castle wasn’t built to be of a Royals residence, it was built specifically for a fortress, and for the most part, it has done exactly that. Windsor Castle has been in the royal family for almost 1,000 years and 39 monarchs have graced its halls, I am not surprised the tunnels are starting to decompose and are in horrid condition. This castle is meant to be one of the safest castles, after all, it has survived the bombings of World War II. 

With the fact that St. George’s Chapel is the burial place to deceased monarchs and not all of them were buried at peace, some were beheaded, some poisoned, some killed by natural causes… I wouldn’t be surprised if this castle and the tunnels were haunted. Perhaps that is the eerie feeling that wraps around us as we walk. 

I can’t help but feel as though we are being watched, and I know Anastasia feels the same way. 

Matthew takes my attention from focusing on walking forward with the little light that we have with the flashlight on our phones. “Harry, do you know where you’re going?” Matthew questions.

“Honestly, no. We’ve never used these tunnels.” 

“Thought you had a photographic memory?” Matthew mutters.  

I stop in my tracks and turn to face Anna and Matthew, “All due respect, Matthew, I’m coming off a morphine-induced sleep the king put me in, we’re lucky I’m walking.” 

Anastasia heavily sighs as she let’s go of my hand and puts a little space between us, “I can lead the way, I used to run around these when I was younger.” 

I glance towards Anna and shake my head, “No, we can’t see a thing, the last thing we need is for a surprise attack with you in front.” I respond and she looks towards Matthew for his response, “Don’t look at him, I made the decision that it was safest for you to be in the middle.”

Anastasia raises a brow and I know by the ways her eyes stare at me that she is far from amused by my comment. I don’t tend to be dominant too much with her, I try to let Matthew make the decisions so that it doesn’t cause arguments with her and I. “Says the one who is in front and has a slow reaction time.” 

“Anastasia—“

“Harry,” she cuts me off, “You two don’t have a clue where we are, that’s unsettling.” 

“And you know where we are, Princess?” I question, adjusting the sling as she crosses her arms over her chest.

“Don’t talk to me like a Princess, you know I hate it.” 

“And you know I hate when you make my job harder than it needs to be, so let me and Matthew figure it out.” 

“You’re being an asshole.” 

“Yeah, well, I have bigger things to worry about than you calling me an asshole.” 

I don’t want to be an asshole to her, it is not my intentions, but right now, I need to figure out how to get her out of the tunnels securely and in one piece. Matthew and I are both compromised, he doesn’t know these tunnels, and I can only remember parts of the map that I glanced at weeks ago while attempting to uncover a map to the castle in Ireland. 

“Are you two done bickering? At any moment we could get attacked,” Matthew questions with his arms crossed over his chest. 

I nod my head, “We came in on the far west side, very back corner of the manor, we took a right because there were too many rocks closing off the closest exit on the left which would have to lead us under the church and out into the river street car park,” I begin to retrace our steps, “Which means, we’ve been walking for around fifteen minutes which puts us around about near the kitchen. Which implies we should be travelling towards East Terrace Lawn and will come out at Queen Victoria’s walk.” I notify Matthew, attempting to retrieve the map of how Windsor is set up, but my thoughts are still a little hazy. 

“There’s another entry and exit, Harry,” Anastasia familiarises me, “It’s this way.” She motions to the right where there’s a small hole in the wall. 

There is no way I want her following a hole in the wall, and there is no way I want to manoeuvre my way through the small hole. 

I shake my head, “There were only two on the map.” 

Anastasia rolls her eyes at me and huffs, “I’m going this way.” 

“Anna, you’re going the wrong way, can’t you just listen to us?” 

Anna disregards me and manages her way through the space, prompting me to glare towards Matthew. “My future wife is highly fucking stubborn.” 

“Are you going to go after her?” He asks, unsure of what to do. 

It is a fine line between us bickering as a couple and bickering as a Princess and a security guard. 

I shake my head, “I need a minute,” I respond, resting against the wall, “She won’t walk too far without us, she’s partially scared of the dark still.” 

Anastasia didn’t want to sleep without me, I highly doubt she will walk too far in the dark on her own. She wants to prove a point, I understand, but sometimes she needs to just listen to us, we know what we are doing, we were hired in these positions because we are damn good at our jobs. Up until now, I have never questioned our ability to keep her safe.

“She’s right though, it’s another exit.” 

I close my eyes and take deep breaths, my shoulder throbbing with pain. “Near the dungeons,” I nod, “But it’s dangerous to walk through, it leads out to the River Thames, and I don’t know about you but I’m in no position to swim for my life again,” I respond, acknowledging that Anastasia is correct, there’s a hidden tunnel that isn’t on the maps, but it doesn’t mean it’s the most trustworthy option, in fact, I’d say it’s the most dangerous. “It is cold, I don’t need her swimming in cold water either.”

“Fuck me,” I huff, adjusting my shoulder in my sling. “Matthew, call her back, if I do it, she’ll walk further just out of spite,” I command, not wanting Anna to wander any further towards the River exit. I don’t want to have to swim after her because of her being stubborn and I also don’t know what is down that tunnel. For all we know, the walls’ could cave in.

At the moment Matthew goes to open his mouth, a high pitched scream sends chills down my back. My eyes widen and I accelerate off the wall immediately, forcing my way through the hole. 

[mimiplaysgames]

in the shape of a star (4/5)

Pairing: Terra/Aqua Rating: T (for mild sexual content) Word Count: 8,615

Summary: Terra apologizes to Aqua for the Guardian. Now, they have to tear down that massive wall between them, brick by excruciating brick. Forgiveness is a subtle and long-neglected friend.

Read on AO3

A/N: I CAN’T EXPRESS THE AMOUNT OF THANK YOU’S TO @holyteapotofrussell​ !! For this project, it was important to me that I had a beta who was neutral to Terraqua. I didn’t want to be swayed by shippy bias, nor did I want to listen to haters either. The entire situation with the Guardian left me with a lot of explosive feelings, and I wanted to find a way to make peace with them. That’s why this fic exists. I hope you enjoy it, this has been a huge passion project, and it’s so weird that after more than a year of working on it, I finally have come to this point. Thank you all so much for your support!

~*~*~*~*~

guardian

Her eyes were crusted shut.

Aqua rubbed them open to the sunshine beaming through her curtains. She was sluggish, at best groggy and light. This was the sort of sensation that came with heavy sleep - not the restful kind, but not the fitful, either. Her bed was cold, and that fact made her ache in all the worst places.

She wasn’t alone, though.

Chirithy watched her, casually standing on her nightstand as if waiting for eons.

“That was a sweet dream,” it said, not as a question, neither as a statement. “Or should I say savory?”

She blushed.

“Cheers?” Aqua grumbled, pretending she didn’t hear anything. The image of Terra grazing her thigh stayed on her mind, and she brought her hand to that same spot under the covers to see if it was indeed warm. It wasn’t. She hid her disappointment. 

It wasn’t that spicy of a dream, but nothing she’d want Chirithy to see. A sea of stars in the dead of night, Terra by her side. He smirked. He chased her, and she ran so fast she flew, the grass blurring beneath her feet.

Despite that, he caught up. He grabbed her by the hips. He brushed his fingers against her skin, and he had nothing but smiles on his face, like bad news was something only good people wanted to hear. Like their argument last night never existed. 

They floated and spun as if underwater, him holding her close by the waist, forehead to forehead. He looked up towards the sky. The star he plucked out was tiny, but it was bright, and he offered it as a gift. 

“Well, you’re welcome,” Chirithy said, rubbing its snout, and she blushed to the point that she couldn’t bear it.

Aqua thought to ask if Ven sent it over but she was distracted. Not having Terra’s touch there now hurt more than she prepared for. 

“Are you the only Chirithy in the castle?” she asked quietly, scared of the answer.

It perked its ears and cocked its head. “Of course I am. I would know if there were others.”

The answer pleased Aqua, but it worried her. If she was hallucinating, then something was really wrong.

But Chirithy fumbled with its next words, growling like it was arguing with itself. She didn’t think her question bore that much weight. 

“Keybearers,” it said, choosing its words carefully, “all have the capability to be with a Chirithy companion.” 

Aqua’s heart punched violently. “Capability?”

“Not everyone can talk to their Chirithy, for their Chirithy needs to be physically made into this world,” it said, again so tender with its words. It was like Aqua had put it into a compromising position, even though she knew better than to pry into its business. 

Bile bubbled in Aqua’s throat, and she swallowed it. “Do they all look the same?” 

“Chirithy looks like whatever Chirithy is needed to look like.”

She sighed. For what it’s worth, she didn’t want to get to know hers.

“I did you a tremendous favor,” it said, paws on hips. It had meant to be sniding, but it came out weary. “I chose to help you last night because… well, it was easier than helping Terra.”

A shiver crawled on her face. Aqua threw her covers over, and fixed her robe over her shoulders. She slept with it on. “Is he awake?”

“No,” it scoffed. “He’s lazy.”

That didn’t describe Terra despite how messy his room was. Aqua gracefully bolted out of her room, keeping her footsteps soft and light on the tile. Ven’s door was already open. Most likely, he was in the kitchen. 

Aqua tried the knob on Terra’s door. It wasn’t locked anymore. 

Maybe he got up and never bothered to greet her.

No, he was asleep on his stomach, still in his clothes with his armor intact. His snores ground like an engine, sputtering grunts, and he strangled a pillow in his arms. His brows scrunched together, as though the dream had him in a headlock.

Two nights ago, when he had her in his arms, he smiled while he slept. 

Chirithy strode its way through heaps of clothes scattered on the floor, worn and unworn, before hopping onto the bed and climbing onto Terra’s shoulders. 

It poked him at the cranium. “Wake up.” When he didn’t stir, Chirithy tried again. “You’re such a bum, get up.”

Aqua didn’t dare come close, clutched under a feeling that she was trespassing.

Terra snarled from the prodding. His eyes snapped open and his pillow crumpled under his fists. Looking over his shoulder, his gaze only hardened. 

He grabbed Chirithy by the face and buried it into the mattress, throwing all the sheets into knots in a fury. Once finished, he rubbed his face as the tension left his body. 

It was time to leave, but Aqua watched Terra lug his legs over the edge of the bed and hang his head. Chirithy rustled under the bedsheets, getting lost in looking for a way out and squeaking for mercy after it had been given. 

Terra didn’t say anything, but he knew she was there. He glanced everywhere around his room: his dusty nightstand, his open dresser, his covered mirror. Everywhere but her. 

If she left, she’d spare him worse. His eyes were puffy and red from hours of crying. The more he realized he wasn’t dreaming anymore, the more he grew defeated, as though he was convicted and was meekly waiting for his sentence. He repressed some shivering but did a poor job of it. 

Aqua had her hand to her mouth and only realized it now. She removed it to speak.

“I’m late,” Terra said, his voice grainy. 

He dragged himself into his bathroom. Aqua stood her place, listening to the water gushing from the sink. He was washing his face. She tried to think of something to say, but her mind was blank. She wanted to shrink as small as possible, just so she wasn’t invading his space.

Terra stepped out and went straight for his shoes, one tossed upside down. Then he aimed for his satchel, closing the flap over his unfinished crystals. 

All that was left was for him to exit, without saying a word or looking at her. 

“Terra?” she gasped, her fist to her heart. It hurt to breathe. 

He stopped, and finally looked at her with his red-rimmed eyes. Whenever he cried, his deep blue irises looked dead, like waste at the bottom of the sea floor. They were panicked, and his legs trembled, like it took all the grit he had to face her.

Without a word, he hugged her with one arm - tightly, crushing her against his chest. He smelled not of soap, not of sweat, but of himself, something earthy and baked in yeast. 

He let go. He left, his shoulders turning over his doorway. It all happened so fast, and she couldn’t hear her heart beating. It was possible it stopped, and the only thing keeping her alive was the hope he would turn back. 

Chirithy found its way out of the labyrinth of overturned sheets. Instead of muttering about how rude Terra was, it opted to take a moment of silence.

The best thing to do, the only thing left for her to do, was simply to live the day like it was second nature. Aqua performed rhythmically and cooked breakfast like normal, not registering anything between cracking the eggs and serving them to Ven.

She gathered books from a specific section in the library about dreams, but didn’t read more than their titles. All she thought about was Terra’s shoulders disappearing. 

She repeated words to herself, words that spoke of why the past didn’t matter now that they had a future to look forward to, words that would make it all okay whenever Terra eventually came home at sundown. 

But he never did. He wouldn’t for days. 

~*~*~*~*~

Aqua brewed flavorless tea. She stopped caring about brushing her hair, and while she thought about seeking some new adventure in a world she’d never seen, Aqua wasn’t ready to close all doors yet. She always left one open for Terra. She hoped he knew.

She trudged through her days with practice, like getting her smile right so Ven wouldn’t worry. Her saving grace was staying busy, and she found her biggest challenge in establishing the Land of Departure as a school for new Keyblade wielders. 

There was a lot riding on her shoulders now: choosing which books to assign, scheduling a strict list of combat techniques based on rank, and organizing an entire curriculum of political science, astronomy, and history that her Master subjected them to years ago. She burned hours planning chapters, assignments, discussion topics...

And then some. She had no idea if Darkness should be taught formally in her classrooms. There wasn’t a single book about it in the library except for a witnessed history of demons of the past, before Heartless and Unversed. 

Sitting at her vanity table, her curtains drawn to let the sunlight in, Aqua held an unappreciated copy of Affairs of the Heart by the Master of Masters, and wondered if it was worth the misery of assigning. She wondered what Terra thought about it. She wondered how often Terra thought about her. Against her better judgment, she missed him every hour.

Ven knocked on her door even though it was ajar. Chirithy rode on his shoulders, paws in his hair.

“Everything is finally done,” he sighed, and counted on his fingers. “The new small library is set up and ready to go; I made every bed in the eastern wing - and very neatly like you asked; we now have three classrooms instead of two; and I emptied some of the lounges so they can be renovated into studios for private practice.”

He had shallow bags under his eyes and a tired smirk. “If you ask me to move one more piece of furniture, I swear I will dye your hair black.”

“Well, I did realize an hour ago that we need a cafeteria,” Aqua hummed.

His face fell.

“I’m joking, Ven.”

“Don’t test me.” He looked over her shoulder at her detailed plans, spotting the aforementioned book and glowering. “No. Not that one.”

Chirithy hopped onto her desk, and Aqua straightened her posture. Ever since that particular morning, she aimed to seem as professional as possible. It stood next to a piece of parchment with a list of considered texts. Affairs of the Heart had a question mark next to its title. 

“These are the most important teachings,” it said. 

“She should cross it off and pretend it never existed.” When Aqua didn’t, Ven scowled. “Don’t you want your new students to like you? Why torture them with it?”

Because it was the root of all theory relating to Keyblades and hearts. Because that was where all books written since had started. Looking back on it now, maybe only half of it was relevant, and its archaic language made it a drag… but it still felt wrong to act like it was useless.

“I won’t assign the entire thing,” she said, bringing her hand up to swear in honor. She had to admit, it was entertaining to see how deeply disturbed he was about this. 

“If Terra was here, it’d be a tie.”

Aqua’s heart plummeted, and the sight of it softened Ven. 

“...How is Terra?” she managed to ask. 

Apparently, he found living arrangements - between Radiant Garden and Twilight Town, living with Riku and Isa. Aqua heard through the grapevine. 

“He’s fine,” Ven drawled, a question of Why don’t you ask him? patiently sitting in the weight of his voice. Pulling his Gummiphone out of his pocket, Ven scrolled through some photos, handing it over when he found what he was looking for. 

In the picture, a penitent Terra tried to comfort Merlin, who lurched backward with a bulging, frozen expression of shock and anguish at the bursts of fire that gripped his long, white beard. It was taken at the worst time, capturing everyone at bad angles. 

Ven chortled. “It was an accident. He was trying to get those crystals to work.”

“Those crystals-”

Ven waved his hands at her dismissively. “Whatever you think they are, trust me, they aren’t.”

It pained her to see how much he knew that she didn’t. 

When she didn’t laugh with him, Ven gently put the Gummiphone away. “Don’t you ever send him messages?”

“I did.”

He gaped at her.

“Terra doesn’t always answer. When he does, he says he’s fine,” she continued.

He rolled his eyes. 

“All I did was ask how he was doing,” she finished.

“You know Terra is kind of an idiot.” Ven palmed his face. “He reads too much into things.” 

“I made sure I didn’t push it. I don’t want to ruin his peace.”

“Maybe that’s exactly why he’s being distant. Maybe he thinks you’re better off without him.”

“Did...  Did he say anything to you?”

“You mean about the night before he left? No. Nothing.”

So there were still things Ven didn’t know. Had it always been like this, where two held onto something the third didn’t belong to? 

Aqua nearly said something about it, but shut Ven outside that particular door. 

“It’s not really a big deal,” she said.

“You’re lying-”

“I’m not.”

“To yourself,” he said, swallowing hard. Twelve years ago, he struggled to face her directly when he was afraid of offending her. He glanced at her vanity mirror, covered by a dull, white sheet because Aqua never took it off even to wash. 

She hated how much it nerved him to be honest with her. 

Chirithy replied without prompt, “Go on, Ven.” Only around Ven did it sound that cute and sweet. “Tell her what you’ve been thinking about.” 

With that, Ven rummaged through her top drawer and pulled out a hairbrush. “I don’t have the same mind-reading grace Terra has with you, so can I stick my neck out here and ask if I can take care of you for a little bit?”

She huffed, closing her eyes.

“You’ll feel better afterwards,” he continued, flipping the brush in his hand like it was a toy. “I want to make you feel better, I just don’t know how.” He almost whispered, “I want to be a good friend now that Terra’s not here.”

He said all the words that made her want to vehemently deny she needed any help, and nearly kicked him out of her room. He said he wanted to be a good friend, and he always, always was when she needed him to be. How could he think he was useless?

Wordlessly, she straightened out in her chair and brought her hands to her lap. Ven was a bit too excited. 

The brush caught several knots, really sticking to the back of her head. Ven tried to be careful, but it stung anyway. 

Aqua had lost count of the days she decided to let it all go. Ven never said a word about her condition or her appearance, letting her spar with him and make commands about the future of their home without questioning her sanity. 

If Terra was here, he’d tell her he was proud, and the thought wretched at her insides. Again, she remembered his shoulders, walking away.

“Terra is still your friend,” Chirithy chirped up, surprising her. “He can’t forget that. It’s his duty as Keyblade wielder to remember his friends and stand by them.”

Ven snorted. “Terra and Aqua are so much more than that.”

Aqua blushed, her breath shutting to a halt. She quickly shook her head. “He’s exaggerating-”

“Did you know they’re married?” Ven asked Chirithy. 

“We are not. Where did you get a crazy idea like that?”

She turned her head to glare at him but he held it steady. She expected him to say something embarrassing like, Have you seen the way you act around each other? Or, You bicker like you are. 

But he said, “Terra told me.”

If this was supposed to be funny, it wasn’t clever. “When did he say this?”

“Shortly after I started talking again.”

Ven had to have been eleven. “Clearly, he was joking around with you.” 

“No, he wasn’t. He was totally serious!” Ven continued his brushing, hiccuping on a laugh. “He made me promise not to say anything because the Master didn’t even know.”

“A secret marriage,” Chirithy pondered. “That’s quite a bond like no other.”

Ven guffawed. 

Aqua held a finger up, and the entire room quieted, leaning in as if anticipating doctrine from her hand. She was at a loss for words. Of course she and Terra shared a close, unbreakable bond, but this was the wrong idea. 

“That’s a little inaccurate,” she started.

“So it’s true?!” Ven stopped brushing.

“No, we were children.” 

“Huh?”

“We used to make believe we were adults sometimes, and pretended all sorts of things, like running a store, or being at war,” she said, melting into chuckles. The memories came to her like a bedtime story, vivid and warm. “I was maybe eight years old.”

Ven put down the brush on her table. “So because adults got married, it made for good role play?”

“Exactly. It wasn’t real.” She remembered the awning weaved of loose sticks in the woods. He wore a black cotton shirt and she didn’t have a white dress, but a cream one. She had one wildflower in her hair, and a bouquet of pretty weeds. “We exchanged plastic rings I had as toys,” she laughed, “and we thought the kiss was disgusting.”

Terra had blown raspberries and spit slobber into the dirt, sticking his tongue out. She had wiped her mouth with her forearm, wincing. Neither of them understood why adults thought it was a good idea.

“I bet he wouldn’t think that now,” Ven said and dodged her elbow. 

Chirithy held a paw to its chin. “Did you exchange vows?” it asked, and Ven sniggered.

“We took a book from the library and read off of that,” she said, like it was the most logical thing they could have done.

“That makes it official,” said Ven.

“I agree,” said Chirithy.

“I bet it was her idea.”

Aqua swallowed, and held her chin high. “I don’t remember,” she lied.

Ven scoffed. “I think Terra still considers you his wife, and I don’t know anyone who would object to that.”

If that was true… Aqua wasn’t sure she’d object to that so openly, either. She focused on the grooves on the wood of her desk, willing away the heat in her cheeks. 

“What do you think?” Ven asked Chirithy of her hair. A change of subject couldn’t come quickly enough.

“She looks better already,” it said bluntly.

“Cheers, don’t be rude,” said Ven, but his voice quavered with giggles.

“Well, you do,” Chirithy said to Aqua, like she needed the reassurance.

Aqua shifted in her seat. She didn’t appreciate being spoken to like she needed a description of herself. 

It would be such a simple gesture to tug the sheet down, and shake off the dust.

Ven moved over to her side with a pep to his step, grabbing a chunk of her hair. “Can you teach me how to do braids?” 

“Oh, my hair is a bit short for that...” She stopped. She couldn’t disappoint such an eager face. “Well, you split the portion into three parts. You cross one - doesn’t matter which one - over the middle. Then you take the opposite side and cross it over the middle. And you keep going. That’s it.”

Ven bit his tongue as he worked, staring holes as he pulled at her hair to his eyes, following her instructions too deliberately. She never noticed it before, but Ven enjoyed fussing over her.

“I’ve played with dolls before,” Ven said, “but this is more fun.”

Aqua’s nostrils flared over the comparison. A smile on his face was worth it, she told herself.

“I need practice,” he mumbled, opening her drawer to pull a white ribbon out and tie it off. He grabbed another chunk of hair behind her head. 

She wished she could see what he was doing. Ven always smiled with such feverish enthusiasm that it was contagious. She tried to crane her neck and use her peripheral vision, but he nagged at her to stay in place.

“I’ll take a pic when I’m done,” he said, pulling a red ribbon out of her drawer. 

Aqua gripped her fists. This was getting a bit much, being treated like she was delicate and volatile. 

Her boys acted like freedom was such an easy thing to grasp. Tapping her fingers on her desk, she trepidly reached over and grabbed the sheet over her mirror.

“Aqua?” 

She let go. Trying too much too fast was probably a bad idea. 

She wondered what they assumed. They handled her quirks with such nervous anticipation, it exhausted her to watch them tread on eggshells so much. 

“Sorry,” she sighed, crossing her legs and arms, lacing that desperate need to keep composed all the way to the crown of her head. It wasn’t necessary to worry him so much.

Ven stopped his braiding anyway, and she waited long enough for him to get the idea and continue. 

She said, “That was dumb of me. There’s no telling what it would do.”

“What would what do?” Ven asked with a nervous shiver. She couldn’t tell if Chirithy was even hearing the conversation.

“My reflection.”

Ven paused before remembering the black ribbon pinched in his fingers. 

Aqua had to scoff at herself. “The Realm of Darkness-” Where should she start? 

Ven listened, twisting and tugging.

“My reflection would… say things.”

“Was she scary?” he asked in a voice so soft, it was like a small hug.

Aqua didn’t know how to answer that. Fighting an enemy was always a risk, but the high she experienced when she won was addicting, and made it easy to pursue perfection in the battlefield. 

They were all raised to brave the onslaught, but real bravery was listening to herself whisper terrible truths and keeping faith on the contrary. 

“She was strong,” Aqua said. “She was everything about me, but worse.”

“So would a piece of cotton stop her from crashing in here and killing us all?” Chirithy asked, lordly tugging at the sheet and letting it go. Ven inhaled sharply.

“It wouldn’t. I know it wouldn’t, I know.” Aqua splayed her hands at her desk. Being so afraid of something that didn’t exist anymore was nothing to be proud of. And she reminded herself of this so many times, how could they not see that? 

Ven used green to seal a braid, before gently taking another sliver of hair over her other ear. 

“Don’t hate me for asking, but,” Ven said, weaving weakly so that this one limped, “does she still hurt you?”

“Sometimes.” It sounded false coming out of her mouth. She didn’t mention the nights she listened to tap tap tap on glass, or to scratching when she didn’t reply. 

“Then I should beat her up,” Ven said with a tough edge to his voice, wrapping this last braid with lavender. 

Aqua let a half-smirk hang on her face. “That’s the easy part.” 

“I’m not intimidated.” He had fists on his hips, puffing his chest out like he was supposed to imitate Terra or something.

Was he trying to humor her? 

She played along well so far, might as well continue. “Good. We’ll be together. It won’t be so bad this time.”

Encouraged, Ven grabbed a fistful of the sheet, waiting for her signal. “Just say the word. We got this.” 

Her heart skipped a beat. This was too fast. She nearly followed instinct and yanked his hand away but stopped the moment she choked on a sob. Ven was earnest, the same glint in his eye every time he dared them to a duel, even when he suspected he’d lose. 

It didn’t matter if they both knew there was nothing on the other side, he was ready to fight with her. 

After two long, shaky breaths, Aqua glared at the fabric. Grabbed a handful of her own, and threw it off. 

She didn’t blink. She didn’t look away - that was most dangerous when facing an enemy. The moment she met herself face to face, she gasped, blue eyes on blue eyes, the same dark circles, the same upward curl of her brows, the same exhale that melted into hot tears that birthed the tiniest laugh.

Ven gesticulated at the reflection, giving it a grand entrance. “What is this? I was expecting a real challenge, but she looks ridiculous.”

She really did look like she was trying to be a clown with all the mismatched ribbons. The braid that stuck out from behind one ear was thicker than her finger, pulling at her scalp. The other limped like a rat’s tail. Touching the back of her head, she felt a lumpy one that was uneven, another short and stocky, and the fifth one curved and twisted. 

Part of her wondered if this was Ven’s plan all along, but he didn’t have that kind of foresight. 

Didn’t matter, she never felt this marvelous in front of a mirror before. 

“Thank you, Ven,” she whispered, the joy she felt suddenly whiplashing into more tears. The taste of freedom was salty.

Ven hugged her around the shoulders, his cheek to hers, his tears cold. Aqua gripped his arms, prompting him to hold her tighter. Neither of their counterparts moved a muscle they weren’t supposed to, smudge-free.

“Glad you’re back,” Ven sniffed, and she nodded.

Even Chirithy was moved. “Turning nightmares into dreams,” it said to itself, nuzzling its snout. 

“Come here, Cheers,” Ven said, rubbing his eyes with his forearms. “Your Gummiphone, Aqua?”

It was in her pocket. Ven opened it, swiping his thumb all sorts of directions.

“I promised a picture.” With Chirithy taking its place on Aqua’s left side, Ven pointed the camera directly at the mirror and leaned toward her right. “Everybody smile.”

For him, smiling came natural. Aqua thought she looked so weird - was it the smile that changed, or did she forget what she looked like? 

If anything, she looked tired, her braids drooping more by the second. 

Ven handed the Gummiphone back. “You should send it to Terra.”

It sounded closer to a command than a wink or a nudge in the right direction. Aqua kept her mouth shut. She had no idea what to write. 

Throwing himself onto her bed, Ven stared at her ceiling and went quiet, as if he was giving her space. Chirithy soon joined him, charging onto his stomach and into his trusting arms with squeaks and giggles. 

Aqua opened her phone to their last messages, and stared. There was no proper follow up she could think of from their short mutual archive. 

From two weeks ago, just after he left:

Aqua

I don’t know how to fix this

Come home and we could talk about it?

Please

Five days ago:

Aqua

I want you to know that I’m not angry with you

Okay? I just want you to know

Please hear me

The day after:

Aqua

I’m worried about you

Finally, he responded:

Terra

Working with the others dont worry

They know to call you if something happens

Attaching Ven’s picture to an empty message, Aqua hovered her fingers over the keys on the screen. She didn’t want to beg for his attention.

Aqua

Made some strides today

She sent it with the picture. It still felt like begging. 

Long minutes passed. She knew not to expect anything; he was probably talking to someone else, or spending time alone absorbed in that crystal project. 

She knew to swallow and set the phone down. She knew that hearing nothing could have meant many things, but her heart sank anyway, withstanding the pressure of ten oceans from the mere thought of bothering him.

Then a ting, and Ven stood up, his eyebrows energized by the signal of a message incoming.

Terra

Good look for you

She stared wide-eyed at the screen. The words sounded normal. But was he just as nervous as she was? Was he trying to make her feel better at his expense? Without looking into his eyes, it was so hard to tell.

Aqua

Think I should keep it?

Terra

absolutely

That was the end of that conversation.

~*~*~*~

Night rain streaked her window. It was the only indication that she was still home, in her real bedroom, in front of a real mirror, and she depended on it to last a while so she wouldn’t forget.

Naked and with smoothly brushed hair, Aqua studied her skin. The Realm of Darkness preserved her. The scruffs on her arms were from distant years of training, and whatever hordes of Heartless trashed on her no longer left a reminder, as if the last twelve years never existed, except in her mind. 

That was the only difference: her face. Darkness left its only mark there.

Aqua looked over her shoulder to make sure there were no witnesses despite knowing she was alone. Facing the mirror with the reassurance that she’d keep her respectability, she twerked her lips, narrowed her eyes, and flared her nostrils; there was no way a menacing enemy would make these ridiculous faces. The reflection mimicked her. 

At least her face was still hers. 

Her eyes were still blue, but there was an empty, faraway look that she couldn’t bring back home.

Her smile was still warm, but it strained with the weight of a ton.

Did she look like this every single day? No wonder her boys expressed concern.

Try as she might to practice her smile, she didn’t know how to fix it. Slowly, she pulled on shorts and a cotton shirt for the night. Her reflection looked tired - not tired from a whole day spent, but tired like she was done. 

Aqua braved one final test: waving at herself. It was foolish to beckon something so dangerous, but she had a strong Keyblade, and a stronger need to make sure.

Her reflection waved back, just as frightened. 

Still, there was a tiny, weary gasp in her heart that stayed suspicious. Sighing, Aqua draped a clean sheet over it, and cast Reflega. Like locking the front door to ward off strangers, it was a small and life-saving measure. 

A knock on her door. 

She was ready to explain her decision to Ven when she opened it, but she had to look up. 

“Terra,” she breathed, her heart worming up her throat.

He was dressed but barefoot, leaning on her door frame with his face half-hidden behind the wall and his hair on its way to getting dry. Eyes on the floor, he raised them to her shoulder, a well-worn frown on his face.

“I’m ready to talk.”

She wanted to throw her arms around him. She wanted to shake him senseless. She wanted to slap his face. 

But Aqua simply smiled - no control over the way it stretched to her eyes and how it made her cheeks throb. “Of course. Please.” She opened the door further to allow him to step through, then closed it. 

Terra gazed around the room with his arms crossed, finding a belittled spot for himself as he leaned onto her vanity table. He caught sight of Affairs of the Heart and it brought him a scoff. 

Aqua stood across from him, hands to her chest to keep her heart in place. Which is silly. Looking dignified was always the last thing Terra ever noticed about her. “Brings back memories, doesn’t it?”

He shook his head as he inspected the front and back cover. “Stupid book,” he muttered. 

“No argument here.” 

He didn’t return the nostalgia in her voice. Instead, he kept his gaze low, cradling the book in his large hands and spinning pages. “Sometimes, I thought about this book and how it said we needed to balance our vulnerability to be strong.”

“Yes.” She fiddled with her fingers. Talking about this book was the last thing she wanted, but if it was a way to get him comfortable, so be it. “How we should wield the Light to illuminate the way forward if we ever wanted to free it from the Darkness.”

“No.” His shoulders swelled with confidence in picking at her words, like they were back in the classroom. The Terra she knew crept into his eyes inch by inch. “The point was to illuminate the pain inflicted into our hearts from the past. It wasn’t about freeing it. It was about living with it.”

That was nothing like what the Master taught them, even though the Aqua of today agreed with that statement. 

“I think you’re mistaken,” she said, crossing her arms. “The pain of our past is fuel for Darkness. Prioritizing the Light over what had a hold on us proved our strength.”

“It didn’t actually say that. I think this whole book was really a misdirection.” The more he spoke, the more invested he became. “Our ability to make Light out of our past was the only way to see through the Darkness coming at us.”

“Are you sure you and I read the same book?” 

The challenge encouraged him, and she smirked. They were falling into their natural groove, something embedded deep within their understructure that couldn’t be torn down. Aqua found comfort in that.

“I’m going to find the passage,” he said, scanning with his finger, “and when I do, I’ll rub your face in it.”

“Or bet me ten nights of dishwashing.”

“Twenty. And you’d like working for me. I’m not picky over the spots.”

He finally locked eyes with her, his laugh meek but genuine. Then the realization of where he was and who he was looking at washed over him. Aqua, too, lost her resolve to keep her smile plastered to her face. 

They were only a few paces apart - she could lean over and touch him - but the wall between them spread for miles. 

“I’ve missed you,” she said.

“I’ve missed you, too.” Whatever kept him calm wavered, a dam near bursting. “You have no idea how much.”

Her mouth hung open. He surprised her with such vulnerability, and she never thought that he’d be the braver one between the two. She wanted to tell him that she missed him more, out of a habit of one-upping him every time he tried to beat her at her own game and out of this desperate breath that struggled to be free, like a goiter clogging up her insides. But those words stayed buried where they were. 

Terra leaned back, taking notice of her ceiling. He shook his head once. He shook it again and he choked. “This is harder than those damn crystals.” 

Aqua stepped next to him, brushing the pads of her fingers against the wood of her table. She listened.

“I don’t know where to start,” he continued. He curled one fist, the other hand not sure whether to grab at his face or hit something. “I don’t know how to explain what exactly happened between us.”

She spoke to him the only way she knew how when he was like this: by lifting his spirits. “Remember when the Master told us to ‘Put our heads together’ when we were stumped with a lesson?”

His groan wrestled a chuckle. “How long has it been since we’ve tried that?”

“I was probably ten so…” A solemn truth came to mind. “Twenty years ago.” 

Terra let out a long, slow exhale, brushing his hair back. 

Aqua held his elbow, and there was the faintest trace of a flinch. “You want to try?”

To know someone for so many years meant she could recognize the lowering of his defenses the minute she asked. He was tempted to raise them back up. 

“Sure.��

She led the way to her mattress, and they faced each other cross-legged, his hands on his lap before taking hers. They brought their heads together: forehead-to-forehead. Aqua hoped that this way, they would finally tear that wall between them, brick by brick - they only needed to know which one to pull out first.

He smelled of foreign shampoo, sharp like citrus instead of the alluring musk he preferred. His lashes were so long they grazed his cheekbones, and his eyes darted in all directions, finding her, her lips, her window, her carpet.

“Close your eyes,” she whispered, her breath rustling his bangs. He’d feel more comfortable that way.

For a while, they brought the silence to a standstill. She thought about questions she could ask, and he thought hard, trembling. 

His breathing became ragged, his nostrils flaring in and out. His voice shattered. “I don’t know how you can stand to be around me.”

Such a statement ravaged her. She fought back her tears - she shouldn’t have expected anything less from Terra.

She had to start the conversation for both of their sakes.

“Why?” she gasped. “Why did the Guardian attack me?”

“I was following orders.” He shrunk away, and she held him firmly. “No, no, that sounds awful.”

“Terra…” The lump in her throat was a warning; she was going to fall apart and when she did, he would tumble all the way down with her.

“I- I…” He licked his lips. “I spent so long - only the stars know for how long - sitting in the Darkness. There was nothing, you know? Nothing. When I finally heard a voice, I asked him - I begged him - to help me.” 

She clenched every muscle in her body. She couldn’t fall apart.

Terra continued, “And he had answers for me. He said if I could take enough Light, I could free myself… I just didn’t know what that meant.

“Most of the time, I didn’t know where I was. It wasn’t like I could see anything. Sometimes I heard other voices, and their presence made me hesitate. But when I did, he’d lash back at me for not obeying. I can’t describe it, I was being sliced at my fingertips by something on fire, or...

“I don’t know, Aqua. I was exhausted all the time.” He lost half of his voice, his eyelashes chunky from the tears cascading down his face before dropping onto his lap.

He went on, “And I was angry. Nothing worked. Anytime I had Light in my grasp, it never helped. Everything I knew about the Light, I started to question. Why did it abandon me? Looking at it infuriated me, and sometimes I went after it without having to be commanded. Which pleased him… only to end up empty-handed and dejected for all my efforts. Sometimes I went after myself to repent to the Light. It never replied.” Terra gave a hollow, sickly chortle. “That pleased him just as much. Nothing I did was ever enough, and I stayed being his hound dog. 

“I thought maybe if I was angry enough, if I hated myself enough, I could gather enough Darkness and turn on him,” he sobbed. “But every time I cursed my own stupid mistakes, he had a stronger hold on me. Every time I fought back, I was set on fire. If I screamed, I had a needle and thread ready to sew my own mouth shut. I can’t tell if he actually made me punish myself or if it was him all along. It became easier to listen to him than to fight.

“But you…” He took a breath. “I didn’t know, I’m so sorry.”

With her thumbs, Aqua rubbed circles into his palms. “What did you see?” she asked softly, afraid that if she asked too loud, it would scare him into a frenzy.

He trembled.

“It’s okay,” she said. “Please.”

“A bright light, the brightest I’ve ever seen. I thought this time, surely, it would all be over, if I could just have it.”

He exhaled before he continued, “I knew something was wrong the moment I tried to hold it.”

With that, he finished. He had an urge to pull away, his teeth locked and holding more sobs in. 

Her hands squeezed his. He didn’t have to be afraid of what she had to say.

“I don’t blame you for this, Terra.”

A sharp inhale. “Why not?”

“Because I understand what it’s like-”

“Because of me.”

“You have to listen to me.” She pulled away from him and held his face, staring hard at his red and swollen eyes. “I watched you break those chains. I watched you pull apart those bindings, and tell Xehanort that you’d protect us.”

She shook his stunned face to make sure he got the message, and continued, “I couldn’t do better. I needed Sora to beat me on the head with his Keyblade before I could let go. He did everything for me.”

Aqua hated this. She only ever thought of falling apart as something that left her vulnerable to a predator. 

“When I was under,” she said, leveling her voice because she was going to pick herself up, whether her body produced a waterfall of tears or not, dammit. “I wanted Riku and Sora to feel every single ounce of loneliness that I felt. I didn’t care about their feelings or if they hurt - it wouldn’t have compared to what I went through. I was ready to pull them by their hair strands and drag them into the ocean. No one understood what it was like, and I needed someone to know. I needed someone to listen to me.”

She scoffed with the taste of something poisonous, and said, “What would the Master have said about me? I only held myself up because I thought I was worthy enough. He deemed me so. I couldn’t be weak and let go, but standing tall left me wobbling any time I was breaking… If it wasn’t the Guardian, it could have been something else. It could have been me. I thought about giving up so often.

“Going under finally gave me an outing I denied myself. To let it all out. I didn’t think I could stoop that low, but I was angry, too. There was no reason I had to suffer that much for that long… And how dare they waltz in on me when it was already too late.”

Terra gaped. “That doesn’t sound like you,” he whispered. 

“Ha,” she tisked. “Using me for your own gain - hurting me at all - doesn’t sound like you, either. You’re gentle, Terra. You strut like you could break marble, and maybe you could, but you couldn’t truly hurt me in your right mind. You’d never. I believe that. There’s nothing for me to do but to know that.”

He looked away. “Aqua…”

“I’m Keeper of the castle because of tradition.” She stroked his face. “But the Master asked you to look after us.” 

He winced. “I’m not the favorite-”

“It’s not about that.” She gripped his shirt with her fists. “It’s because of your heart, Terra. You know that, you know it deep in your soul. 

“And if you don’t know it,” she stabbed at his chest with her finger, “I’ll make you know it. Your sweetness, your need to protect: it’s the only reason why you breathe. I know this because everything you’ve ever done - even if it was down the wrong path, even if it was undeniably stupid - was to help us.”

When she unraveled, she let loose an avalanche, weakly beating his shoulder with a fist. 

It was Terra’s turn to hold her face, to wipe her tears with the back of his fingers, again and again. They wouldn’t stop; she didn’t know how to stop them. Everything about this felt like she snapped a bunch of wires that held her up.

“You survived,” Terra said softly, shushing her weeping. “You can’t put all that strength onto my shoulders when you were the one who carried Ven home. In a twisted way, you carried me to safety, too. There was no way I could have made it in the Realm of Darkness. You’re the strongest one. Always.”

She sobbed. Her nose was so stuffy, she couldn’t breathe. 

Aqua threw her arms around his neck. They were buttresses on wood rot, shakily propping up whatever was left of each other. Every once in a while, they gasped for breath like their bodies had neglected the tears, but together they endured, waiting until their emotional intoxication dried out. 

“I survived to get my family back, my home,” she said in broken pants into his shirt. “But I can’t have that if you’re gone.”

All the bricks were undone. Aqua now wanted to rebuild, but instead of between them, around them. A shelter.

He heard her this time, and though she hated to let him stray an inch farther from her, he pulled away to ask, “Can I stay here?”

Nothing taught her that it was possible to smile with so much guilt. He would’ve had better sleep where he stayed, in a sound, dark room. “The lights…”

He rubbed her arms. The growing smile on his face, though it sprouted slowly, was genuine. “You did good with the mirror earlier.”

She paused, unable to look at him. “I spent so long in the Realm of Darkness, I don’t know how much of me is still there. I don’t think there is anyone or anything that knows me better now. I can’t tell what’s in a shadow.” Or where that other Chirithy was, she thought. “They’re in every room, where I can’t see them. What if they’re waiting to claw me back down?”

She shivered. She sounded crazy. 

“Let me do something for you.” When she started to reject him, he leaned forward and reiterated, “Please. I have to make amends.”

“Terra, that’s not necessary.”

One look told her he wouldn’t relent.

A sinking feeling deep down knew he was going to throw himself into a lifetime of atonement, and she didn’t want to be the harbinger of such a fate. And it knew that if she wouldn’t do it to him, he’d do it to himself anyway. If she wanted to build a new foundation with him, she’d have to let him go for a little while. Maybe she could stop him before it went too far.

“Okay.”

His final line of defense melted. “I’ll be back.”

When he left, the room had nothing but a soft rumble of thunder from far away. Aqua wiped her face and raked her hair with her fingers, straightening out her shirt. She had enough of unraveling for the night. 

When he came back, he brought with him the shuffling sound of something heavy and the clinking of metal dragging on the tile. 

He threw a bundle of fabric on her and she yelped, searching her bed underneath for shadows now that she was blocked from both her ceiling light and her table lamp. 

She could see well enough. She was safe.

“What are you doing?” she asked. 

“You’ll see.” There was a tease in his words. He was slowly going back to normal. 

It was a tent. Setting it upright by tying rope at the peak, Terra stood on her mattress; the only thing he could attach it to was her ceiling fan. 

Then he crawled around her and tied the ends to the four corners of her bedpost, stuffing them with pillows to make walls out of them, giving her plenty of room to stretch out her legs. The opening flaps of the tent hung against her window. 

He meant to make her space smaller and easier to manage, and she had to admit the filter from the sharp glare of her ceiling light was already coaxing.  When what became a formidable pillow fort was finished, Terra pushed through the fabric from the outside, ruffling her hair. 

“I’m going to turn off the light,” he said clearly. Feeling her jerk, he said, “We’ll keep the lamp on your nightstand on. That should be enough to let you see.”

She didn’t say anything in return. He waited, anticipating permission to continue. 

“If it’s too dark,” he said, “I’ll turn it back on.”

“‘Kay.”

She held her breath as his footsteps shuffled across, gripping her sheets and on the edge of calling her Keyblade for the dreadful sound of her light switch flicking. 

There it went. Aqua whirled around for something Dark creeping in. But everything in her tent existed as they should in the presence of soft light. The sheets folded in twirls, and the wood of her bed posts was exposed by complicated knots. She was fine. There was a swooshing sound and a rush of beams as Terra conjured a Reflega over her bedroom door. 

Again, the fabric bent inward. Terra took his time before touching her hair to let her know it was him.

He crawled under the back wall of the tent that faced him, a satisfied smile on his face. “What do you think?”

“Job well done.”

“I think you’ll sleep much better this way.”

“... I feel so silly.”

“Nah. You’re just a handful.”

Her lips went dry. She loved him. “But there’s nothing between us and… everything else.”

“Are you talking about the shadows?” That smug look she missed so much finally made its appearance. It was strange to think such a dazzling smile was meant for her. “They’ll have to go through me first.”

She was aware of his hand on her thigh, warm and gentle. With it, he pulled her towards the bed, tucking her in. Leaning on his elbow, Terra held her closer by the waist, which rattled the thumping in her chest just as hard as she expected. 

Yet it brought her solace. She was home. 

“I hate to nag on your hard work-” she started.

“You nag anyway.”

“But you built it backwards.”

“Nope.” The hand on her waist left her, to her disappointment, and pulled the opening over her window. The glass was blurred by water. “In case you want to look at the stars before you slept.”

After all the crying she had today, it was easy to have a go again. She almost did, watching his faraway look over the clouds that made up the night sky tonight. His jaw was always this strong, his hair always an impeccable mess.

“I love you.”

Terra came back to her, his eyes too dark to be blue in such dim lighting. He traced her jaw with his finger, and now she had a sudden electricity at her core, begging to ask him to touch her more.

He wasn’t even shaken by her words.

She questioned him with a look. As he brushed her hair out her face, he flashed an embarrassed smirk. 

“There’s no way I could deny that,” he said, that faraway look coming back, but boring into her. “You plunged into Darkness for me.”

Aqua swallowed her heart back in. 

“When I said that you’ve never stopped lighting my way back,” he continued, “I meant it. There was this tiny, little light that I was never able to touch, but it stayed with me every second. My own private star. It was the only tether I had that helped me remember my name.”

His thumb grazed her bottom lip, and she breathed. “You’re saying-?”

“I’ve loved you for seventeen years.”

His kiss was tender and careful, his desperation withdrawn until she parted her lips to let him express something more needy. He was warm, he was careful, he was shaking. When he took a breath to realize what he just started, he saw that she needed more, and went for it again. She let his hand trail down her collarbone while he let her fingers dig into his thick hair. He murmured into her neck, and the frayed threads that strained to keep her together came undone, making her forget everything that existed outside their shared space. All she heard aside from his quiet whimpering were his words. I’ve loved you for seventeen years.

They didn’t know how to touch each other, but they learned so much within an hour, foolish to expect sleep to come any sooner.

Shelter wasn’t made of bricks or even of this tent, but of his body caged around her: his lidded gaze on her, his nervous chuckles hot on her face, his hands on her waist, his smile into her mouth, his fingers knitted into hers, his weight on her bare thighs, forehead to forehead. 

Their bodies pressed tighter, clasping a delicate secret they exchanged in gasps.

[dopescotlandwarrior]

Bluegrass-Chapter Six

                      A special thanks to @statell​ for all your help and wisdom

Previous chapters on AO3

Chapter Six

Jamie walked into an empty house feeling immense relief Isobel was gone. He didn’t know where. He never knew where. Was that because he didn’t ask or because she didn’t tell him? He didn’t know or care. It was time to have a talk with Isobel and decide what to do with their future. Each time he brought it up she would snap at him, they had to pay off her father and then sell the business and split the money. The thought of giving the business up made him feel sick inside, he couldn’t do it. He built this business from the dirt and three years later he had an honest shot at the Derby because he made the right match of DNA. She would force him to sell without an ounce of guilt because she had ice in her veins.

Jamie suggested Isobel go back to Scotland because she hated Kentucky. Her father had closed the discussion of marriage, much to Jamie’s relief, so it was nothing more than a business arrangement with her father. She wasn’t needed here, she did nothing for the business except keep Jamie from it. She refused to go for reasons unknown, so he was stuck with a pouty, controlling bitch, who seemed determined to make him miserable. Jamie grabbed two beers because the first would go down fast and walked upstairs for a shower. The first bottle hit the trash can before he stepped under the water.

He built a sundeck off the master bedroom because Isobel wanted a tan, and in three years he had never seen her on it. He loved it because he could see the entire compound and the sight from up here was peaceful. His eyes swept the landscape until he saw the spot where Claire had cried earlier. When she thought her actions with that asshole Chad would hurt him somehow. She was ready to leave because of what she did. Christ, that kind of heart and integrity were so rare in the people he had met in Kentucky. He wanted to build a team of people with a moral code like his, but the influence of haters and greed were holding him down like he was chained. Isobel was part of the greed, Chad was one of the haters, and there was someone out there that was evil enough to kill his prized horses in their prime. All the negativity he had lived with for the last three years had sapped his strength, his joy, and almost killed his dream. Then, in walks a pure heart to shed a brilliant light of hope and miracles to his battered soul.

Jamie tried to quiet his mind because he didn’t like where this thought process was going. Once Claire was in his head it would torture him and make him miss her every minute she was gone. He leaned back on the lounge and dozed with his two-beer buzz until he felt his phone vibrate. His eyes bugged out when he heard Claire’s voice.

“Sassenach, to what do I owe the pleasure?”

“I have a list of things we need to talk about, do you have a few minutes Jamie? Perfect. Number one, I am doing a new Facebook page and I would like to feature the colt, now that he has filled my dance card. What do you say about that?”

“Yes.”

Number two, if we don’t make any progress tomorrow with a rider on the colt I will ride him, he won’t hurt me.”

“No.”

“I’m sorry Jamie dear but I heard yes, otherwise he might be held back. Number three, what kind of riding is required before the first race and which race will that be?”

“Running and galloping as a group to get them used to runnin next to other horses and build up the shins. Hours and hours of galloping, every day. Yer double-dipping lass.”

“I’m sorry, what is that exactly?”

“Two questions in one. So play fair. I get to answer each question before ye throw another one out. Deal?”

“Yes, yes, deal. Do you know anyone who can teach me to ride a race?”

“Aye. Start with Nick. He knows everything about training, racing, jockeys, everything. The guy was raised on the track. That’s why he’s so taken with you. He has ne’er seen what you do before, so he wants to watch you every second.”

“If only he were twenty years younger and unmarried. Sorry, I digress.”

The second part of her sentence was laced with giggles and Jamie heard something different in her voice. The thought made his heart pound.

“Doctor Beauchamp, are ye drunk?”

“Certainly not, Oh, thank you Molly. Now, where was I. Did I ask my next question yet?”

“I canna be sure, which question was that?”

He heard a slurping straw and decided she just finished the drink Molly brought her. He heard giggling in the background, female giggling.

“I am waiting Mister Fraser.”

“For what?”

“Your answer of course.”

“Sorry, my answer is no.”

“Well, that is ridiculous, so I heard yes.”

“Why that comment about Nick being twenty years younger and unmarried Sassenach?”

Jamie waited through a long-drunk pause, wanting her to open up to him and share her secrets, wanting her to let him in.

“I need love in my life. I am so done with holding myself to a higher purpose, that would be my practice. Do you know how long it’s been since someone touched me? No, of course you don’t.” She giggled. “Men like you could never ban sex from their life, and if you tried, they would ratify the constitution or something.”

“Men like me Sassenach? Ye mean angry men?”

“No”

“Mean men.”

“No.”

“Controlling, manipulating, selfish men.”

“No. It means men who take a girl's breath away when you look at them. Cure cancer by smiling at someone, walk with the authority of the privileged few.”

Her speech was dreamy sounding and Jamie wondered if she would remember any of this tomorrow.

“I wanted it to be him but it’s not.”

“Are ye talkin about Chad or Nick, Sassenach?”

“What? I need to finish my new Facebook page, so I have to go and find Dusty. No word yet.”

“He’s fine Claire. He loves school and really misses you. Before ye ask, I don’t know why he friended me, but I think it’s because he missed you so much. Let him reach out to you when he’s ready. I will let you know if I hear anything important. Okay? Claire?”

Jamie heard the soft rhythmic breathing of a passed-out Sassenach and smiled.

“Goodnight sweetheart, I’ll think of ye tonight.”

Jamie clicked off the call and looked at the rising moon. For just a minute he replaced Isobel with Claire and he instantly wiped it from his mind and jumped off the lounge chair. I need to pay bills, he decided, so what if it’s three weeks early. Before he reached the door into the bedroom, he saw a truck on their access road and wondered who could be coming to the barn at this time of night. He hit the light and was bathed in darkness as he watched someone walk away from the truck into an outbuilding. The truck pulled away and out came Isobel’s Cadillac turning toward home.

Jamie’s heart was pounding. What would she have to be so clandestine about? He certainly didn’t want to tip his hand and jumped into a sleeping position in their bed as he heard the front door open. Several minutes later he could hear her moving around the bedroom and then into the shower. She crept into bed with extra precaution not to jostle him and then she was still.

Jamie was angry and forced himself to lie still while his brain crunched the evidence of Isobel’s secret life. He didn’t care about her; he didn’t even like her. But while he was torturing himself with a wall between he and Claire, Isobel was helping herself to whatever she wanted. Time for you to go Isobel, he thought, I am missin out on a beautiful life and it’s time to change that. If I win the Derby, you and yer father are paid off and I keep my business. He prayed for the opportunity, he prayed for luck as he drifted off to sleep. His last thought…get ready colt, time to get serious about winnin that race.

Claire spent the night between nightmares and vomiting and wanted to kill Molly as soon as she surfaced. Her yoga poses helped a little, but she would need much more to mount the colt if it came to that today. She had a vague recollection of Jamie calling her sweetheart. She pounded several mugs of coffee and threw back four aspirin before Molly came bursting out of her room with a huge smile and all the energy that Claire lacked. Claire glared at her before climbing down the steps to the truck.

“Claire! Catch.”

She reached for the falling keys and caught them before settling in the passenger seat. She had her nose in a medical book when she heard her door open. Her head jerked up and she stared at Molly.

“What?”

“Move over, let’s go.”

“No.”

“No problem. I’ll get comfy in my car. I’ll be on Facebook with Dusty half the day anyway.”

With that, she unlocked her car and threw her stuff inside before getting in to set up her laptop.

“Dustin?”

Claire was mad at Molly, and her new friend for getting her drunk last night. It was reckless to give her two drinks and she would pay the price today. She was also very hurt by Dustin’s avoidance. She went on autopilot and started the truck leaving Molly to jump in as she backed out. Claire’s mind was grinding the facts as she easily negotiated the highway entrance, lane changes to the exit, and dropping onto the dirt road leading to the compound. She parked in the usual spot and walked toward the barn, still grinding the truth about her old assistant, Dustin.

The colt recognized her footfall now and started kicking the corral bars, impatient to see her. She didn’t notice that his happy mood evaporated as soon as he saw her, and he stood in the corner of his stall.

Claire started to brush and curry the colt but ran out of energy in the first five minutes. She threw her arms over his back and rested her head on his warm fur. She felt herself falling but could not wake up to save herself until she felt Jamie’s chest against her side and realized he was carrying her.

“There ye go, lass. He sat her atop of the wall separating two stalls and pushed her back gently until her back found the support of the back wall. She exhaled and felt a bit better.

“Now laddie, we must talk about yer day, yes? There is much to do, tack and lunging and gettin ready to run in the field. I know yer gonna love it and yer old mam Angus has agreed to ride ye. Don’t want to hurt ole Angus so ye do as he says. Right! Yer lookin dapper, like a true gentleman. Jamie left to grab his tack giving the colt time to rest his head in Claire’s lap. She felt him cry and sat up to touch his cheeks. She saw an image of a handler flying through the air and felt the colt cry.

“My sweet boy.”

She pushed his hair aside and looked into his eyes.

“I just realized that you’re an orphan like me and that makes you afraid people will leave you alone again, doesn’t it?”

She kept seeing the handler in the air and realized he knew what he did was wrong, and it made him sad.

“It’s okay, love.” She sent images of her on his back while he ran. “I am afraid of falling off of you so promise not to buck.”

Claire wrapped her arms around his neck and yawned seeing the handler in the air and her on his back. She giggled into his neck.

Jamie stood stock still draped with the colt’s tack. He listened to what Claire told him about being an orphan and he wanted to wrap her in his arms and just hold her. Yer extraordinary Sassenach, he thought before walking into the stall to tack the big colt.

“I see ye makin eyes at my girlfriend. Ye find one of yer own kind because she belongs to me.”

Claire looked for the evil woman to walk up on them and considered dashing to her truck to avoid confrontation.

“I need yer promise lad, if she rides ye be gentle wi’er. Let’s go.”

The other nine yearlings were warming up, going through the gates and giving their handler all that was asked for.

When the sunlight hit Midnight Runner, his dark coat turned purple and Claire would swear he had a swagger this morning. She kept watching for Isobel.

Angus walked quickly out of the barn, head down, very preoccupied with barn business. Claire stood next to the colt and didn’t like what she was feeling.

Hey, Runner, what the hell?

She tried to get his attention to warn him of bad behavior, but it was too late, he would eliminate Angus by whatever means necessary. The colt snorted and pawed the dirt like a bull and then jumped forward getting between Angus and Claire. It looked like he wanted to tear Angus apart.

“Angus, stop. Keep lookin at the ground and back out of the arena.” Jamie’s voice was clear and strong.

Angus suddenly walked backward, still looking down until he was safely away. Claire looked miserably at Jamie, knowing it was time to put her money where her mouth is.

When Nick gave her a leg up she sat frozen in the saddle, waiting for the explosion she had seen with the other handlers. She looked at the colt’s ears and they were facing forward like nothing weird was happening. Her foot reached to find the stirrup and she heard the colt ask if she wanted him to run now.

“No!”

Nick and Jamie looked at her like she suddenly developed Turret’s syndrome and she smiled and shrugged her shoulders. Nick guided her feet to the stirrups which were a foot above where she was searching.

The colt seemed to get serious about his training after that, even when Jamie was around. When Claire was on his back it was all business, and for the rest of the week it was hours of galloping, Claire’s legs were so sore she could hardly walk for the first three days and Jamie wanted so badly to help her but that would be inappropriate, so he bought her an hour massage at a place that specialized in training injuries.

Claire worked with the other handlers for positioning herself over his back during sprints, how to stand in the stirrups to reduce the strain on her back and how to hold him back to conserve strength.

Nick worked individually with all the horses. He adjusted Claire’s position and returned her to the track. That was all the attention she and Runner got, while the others spent more time with him and were watched more closely when they ran.

Claire wondered if Nick was discounting Runner and the thought made her angry. I promised he could race the others dammit and I will make sure I keep that promise, she thought.

At the end of the week, Claire felt like she had been through a meat grinder. She limped toward Jamie’s office for their meeting.

Jamie watched her walk into the office and his heart rate jumped, his face flushed, and his sentence stopped abruptly like it always did. He had watched her torturous week wishing he could help her and feeling so grateful for what she was doing. She was so comfortable on the colt, she worried more about her ability to stay on him than anything he might do.

Nick looked around the room and gave the bad news. Three retired jockeys, good friends of his, had come by to watch the colt so they might relieve Claire, but they had all turned him down. These men were the most experienced riders in horse racing. They all turned him down for life and limb. Runner had put on weight over the summer and grown an inch. He was big and powerful and very green. None of the three wanted to risk their retirement with a broken neck.

“We train on Monday and then Tuesday we race the ten horses in a sprint. I guess this is where the rubber meets the road. If no one will race him this has all been for nothing. I will keep looking and get someone to say yes over the weekend.

Claire spent the weekend on the porch and thought about the magnificent colt and what he needed. She wondered from time to time if her motivation was just the colt, or was it the man who walked taller than any other. She would feel the sadness flood her body because she was incapable of seeing him as anything else than the best man she had ever known and he would marry that witch, eventually.

On Sunday afternoon, she sighed in her lounge chair and listened to Molly and her new friend giggle like eighteen-year-olds do, wishing she could go back to her uncomplicated life. She picked up her vibrating phone and saw Jamie’s name while her heart rate shot into the stroke zone.

“Beauchamp.”

Sigh, “lass ye have to at least pretend ye want to answer my call.”

“Sorry, habit.”

“Ye sound like yer at a sorority party.”

“Molly and her friend are leaving. All they seem to do is giggle.”

“I have thought of nothin else this weekend than you ridin the colt and what to do now. I need to talk to ye, face to face, it’s time to make some decisions. Will ye meet me somewhere? Any place close to where ye are since ye’ll be drivin yerself.”

“It’s a long drive but you could come here.”

“It’s a drive ye make every day, lass. I think I can manage.”

Claire was already moving through the house trying to tidy up. Molly was such a neat-freak there was little to do with this old cabin-home. She gave him directions and asked him to wait thirty minutes before he left.

A dash into the shower, casual clothes, and twenty minutes blowing her hair straight. She used the flat iron like Molly taught her and emerged looking like the other Claire, the one who wanted to be seen. She knew it was wrong trying to look nice for someone else’s man. It was a worthless argument, so she gave up and applied a light coat of mascara.

She wondered how the time had passed so quickly working for Jamie, and why she was forced to make a decision that would affect so many lives? It didn’t seem fair, nothing seemed fair at the moment.

Jamie parked where she directed him and stood outside the truck looking for a house when he heard her giggle from somewhere above him. He reached the top step and looked around at the gorgeous view. Ten seconds on the landscape below, the rest of the time on Claire. Her hair was down, falling softly around her shoulders making her look almost exotic as it framed her whisky colored eyes.

Claire grabbed a bottle from inside. It would be her courage when she told Jamie she was done riding the colt. The decision was long in coming she would say, but risking her life to race him was never part of the plan. She would have to watch his heartbreak and wondered how long it would take her to get over that. Jamie wanted the colt to race because it would make his life with Isobel that much better if he won any of the big three races in the spring. It was understandable but her risking her life was not. The weekend of soul searching had exposed many truths, including how his presence motivated her decision to work with Runner and eventually ride him. It was all for Jamie but enough was enough.

Jamie struggled to look calm while the storm raged within him. The colt had the potential to win the Derby and the 1.86 million-dollar prize would free him of Isobel and her father forever. He would be free to pursue Claire with the interest that had turned into a cyclone of desire that spun his head and stole all thoughts when she was near him. It was all for Claire in the end, but she had to agree to ride.

Claire watched him from the open Arcadia door and her heart squeezed seeing his beautiful face locked in a worried expression. How can you ask me to risk my life? Do you care so little for me? Yes, that would be the right thing to ask after she told him. She handed him a glass of whisky and sat opposite of him wondering if this was the last time.

“I am so conflicted lass. If you were anyone else in the world, I would do what was needed to get ye back on the colt for the race on Tuesday. I might argue the importance with ye, calm yer fears, tell ye he needs ye, or a thousand other things to make you do it.”

Jamie exhaled the breath he was holding and lifted his head to look at her causing her insides to melt.

“The truth is…”

Jamie looked out at the expanse of bluegrass stretching out far and wide. In that moment his truth came out. Softly like a whisper on the breeze.

“I’m in love with ye Claire and that love rules my world now. The importance of the colt is nothin in comparison except he can free me from the nightmare life I’m in.”

He reached for her shaking hand and looked at her startled eyes.

“I’m sorry lass, I’ve added to yer burden and scared ye. If this is where our road ends, I just wanted to tell ye, I love ye, and if ye ever need me for anything, I will come. I fear this love is now a part of every organ, blood vessel, brain and red hair on my head. I walk with ye now, even when ye forget who I am, I’ll still be right next to ye.”

He had not looked away from her face allowing her to see the anguish of his truth.

“Stand up.”

Jamie exhaled the defeat he felt but he stood up and in the next second she embraced him, wrapping her arms around his middle like he was a rope to a drowning girl. She felt his arms come around her and got dizzy with the contact against him.

“I am still in shock Jamie and all I can think to say is me too. I love you.”

“One more time lass,” he whispered.

Claire looked at her dream man coming to life and gripped him to stay on her feet.

“I’m in love with James Fraser and here he is, feeling the same. I love you.”

When his mouth came down to her lips, he stopped, “can I kiss ye Sassenach?” Her mouth on his was the answer and Jamie took a deep breath to feed his ramming heart.

Jamie picked her up and carried her inside toward the couch. She pointed to her room and they laid next to each other as the kisses threatened their sanity with the need that was building inside.

Jamie was about to come apart at the seams. She said she loves me, he thought, and here she is in my arms, kissin with the passion I feel for her! His head was spinning when she pushed her tongue into his mouth and softly danced with his. He broke the kiss and sat up panting. He couldn’t look at her and not kiss her again, so he waited for control.

Claire ran her hand up his back, startled at the muscles bulging under his shirt.

“I am quite sure you said whenever I need you. Well, I need you, Jamie.”

She pulled the shirt out of his pants and over his head, gasping at the sight of him as he twisted and pushed her down with a mind-blowing kiss. He loved the feel of her hands on his skin and he was locked in the sensation until he felt her shirt come off. He looked at her and wanted to burn the image into his memory.

His kisses got hotter and needier as he carried her away to a place only the two of them existed. She wanted to go, her body begged to go as he covered her neck and chest with kisses. When he pushed her bra aside with his chin, she felt his mouth cover her nipple flicking with his tongue while he rolled her slightly to reach her bra clasp. When he pulled it off, he stared at her breasts, long arms, and tiny waist. He seemed frozen and staring.

“I want to see all of ye Sassenach.”

He kissed her stomach and belly button while he pulled off her jeans and thought his heart would crash right through his chest. He was mere inches from her skin and let himself see every inch of her.

“I had no idea,” he whispered. He ran a soft hand down her arms, breasts, stomach, hips, and legs while he watched the skin flush. He softly pulled his hand up her breast to the nipple, teasing her and making her pant.

“Under all that mud, and scrubs, and hairpins, yer a beautiful girl, I’ve never seen yer equal lass.”

“Take them off before I bite right through them,” was panted out as her eyes raked over his exposed skin.”

Jamie pushed out of his jeans and laid next to her. He wanted to tease her and make it memorable, but he was way passed that kind of control.

“You look like Atlas the Titan.”

“Who?”

“He carries the world on his shoulders, he’s a Titan, his name is Atlas, he’s a god, …Greek mythology. Oh Christ Jamie… that is…”

That did it. His resolve to go slow shattered he moved between her legs and pushed up against her, feeling her legs open and lift to his sides. He pushed further into her and to his horror found resistance knowing it would cause pain if he forced himself into her. It was what he needed to get his control back and he kissed from her mouth to her neck, slowly circling her nipple before sucking it into his mouth feeling her arch her back forcing her breast farther into the wet warmth.

His kisses continued to her belly as his hand ran down her body slowly feeling the places he had only dreamed of, pulling his warm hand up the inside of her thigh and hearing her moan. When his tongue pushed into her body, she gasped almost missing him growl with his own need. The sound he made tipped the scale as she fell into her orgasm seeing bright sparkling lights behind her eyelids and moaning with the pleasure and intensity.

He whispered in her ear, “give me yer body love, I willna hurt ye.”

She felt him between her legs and when he eased into her, she grabbed his butt and pulled him into her heat until he could go no further. Her eyes went wide and her body stiffened making him stop until she relaxed and adjusted to his size. She could feel his heart pounding against her chest as he kissed her deeply. It was building her heat again and her hips pressed against him looking for friction. When he eased out of her, she pulled him back with a groan until he was gliding in and out of her, pressing into her clit before another stroke.

Jamie felt her legs press open and her back arch against him. She gripped his shoulders and threw her head back panting. He was over the edge with this beautiful girl but held himself in check while he moved into her faster, watching her face as her rapture pulled her into a second orgasm. He pushed into the quivering muscle and lost himself to an orgasm that shook him like a rag doll.

They held each other as they drifted back to her bed, both panting for their lives, drunk on love, feeling their spirits freed from their secret. Jamie dropped to his side pulling her with him, wanting to stay inside of her as long as possible.

“I am a betting man and pride myself on knowin the field, but I never saw this comin lass. When you said ye loved me all the sadness and uncertainty vanished. I thought my truth would condemn me to a lonely life without ye, but here ye are. Never has a woman’s secret made me so happy.” They laid in each other’s arms and talked and kissed for over an hour. After spending every day together for the past month there was still so much to say and ask.

“Ye have more whisky lass?”

Jamie got up and walked out to the porch to fetch the bottle and glasses. Claire watched him move, staring at his thigh and butt muscles flex and his magnificent back.

“Holy shit,” she whispered. She was leaning over the bed trying to see him and jerked back when he filled her door frame again. He stood next to her and poured her a glass, so relaxed, so in command of the space he inhabited.

Jamie threw his whisky back and slid into bed next to her pulling her down to feel her skin next to him. When he kissed her, he took the glass out of her hand and placed it on the table next to the bed so she could use that arm for better things.

“Can we keep the rest of the day for us Sassenach? Please. There will be time tomorrow to discuss what to do with Runner.”

“Who?”

[oranjis-shipping-mess]

ABC Challenge ~ Jihan H is for Haven (I know its crazy, but marry me, part 1)

"Babe? You're home early." Joshua smiled from the couch where he was sitting, book in one hand, cup of tea in the other. He placed both on the table as he got up to greet Mingyu with a kiss. "I'm only here to pick up some files that I forgot earlier." Mingyu went to his little office to get the files he needed. "Hey Mings, I saved dinner for you, you can take it with you?" Joshua smiled as he handed Mingyu a bag with the food. "I'm not hungry. Look, I need to go now. Don't wait up for me." Mingyu ranted as he made his way outside again, followed by Joshua, who waved him goodbye, bag still in his hand. "I love you, Mings." Mingyu was already back at his car, "bye." Was the only thing he said before he got in and left.

Joshua sighed as he put the bag with food away, he figured he could just have it for lunch tomorrow. Sitting down back at the couch, turning the tv on, trying to find something intresting to watch. Mingyu had been tense lately, it was only three days before their wedding, and ofcourse, Joshua was nervous too. But he barely recognized Mingyu anymore. Maybe it was because Joshua didn't feel comfortable hosting bachelor parties, and Mingyu was still angry over it. Or maybe it was because Mingyu's boss was giving him a hard time at work. All by all, Joshua wasn't sure, and he wished that Mingyu would open up to him about it.

Barely an hour had passed, and it was still early in the evening, too early to go to bed, that was. So Joshua got his phone and called Jeonghan. "Hey, my love. What's up?" The older answered, loud noises coming from the background. "Jeonghanniee, are you really busy tonight? Maybe we can watch a movie together?" Jeonghan had his phone on his shoulder, pressed to his cheek, as he tossed several drinks to the costumers. "Aah, Joshuji, I am very sorry, but its incredibly crowded tonight. I can come after my shift though? Or you could come here, if you want." Joshua shrugged, even though Jeonghan couldn't see him. "Maybe. I'll think about it. But we're still on for tomorrow, right?" Joshua had turned off the tv, as nothing intresting was on. "Yes, ofcourse. 8:30, your place. I can take breakfast with me from that place you like, but let me know if your soon to be husband, will be joining breakfast." Joshua bit his lip at the mention of Mingyu, "ya, I'll let you know, Han. See you in the morning, maybe tonight." And they said their goodbyes.

Joshua and Jeonghan had known each other since kindergarden. From the very first day, no one was ever able to seperate them. Through the years, they would barely pay attention to anyone else, as they knew they had each other to count on. At an early age, Jeonghan already knew he was in to boys, and he wasn't afraid to be open about it. He didn't care about the haters, and only cared about the people that were close to him. As for Joshua, he had always been more confused. He respected Jeonghan so much, but he could never see himself like that. Be openly gay and okay with it. He was afraid of the judgement and the haters, that was, untill he met Mingyu. He was head over heals for this guy, and Jeonghan had helped him with everything, from asking Mingyu out for their very first date, to how Joshua had proposed. And Jeonghan was happy for Joshua, even though he was broken inside. He always knew that Joshua was special to him, as when they grew older, he fell in love with him, but didn't want to ruin their friendship. They even kissed, more then once. Usually on nights when they were out, clubbing, and too wasted to remember it the next day. But that came to an end when Joshua and Mingyu started dating. But untill this day, Jeonghan was still in love with Joshua, and in just a few days, he would be the best man at Joshua and Mingyu's wedding.

Now, Mingyu was a very different person compared to Jeonghan. Where Jeonghan was outgoing, not afraid of anything, Mingyu was a very closed person. He would barely talk about his emotions, and he definitly was a work-a-holic, meaning that sometimes, or most of the time, he would prioritize his job over Joshua. And Jeonghan hated it. He absolutely hated the way Mingyu treated Joshua. He would sometimes fantasize about what could have happend, if he had told Joshua about how he felt. They could have been a perfect match. A match made in heaven, as they called it. And that one time, when he did feel ready to talk about it, Joshua had come to him, asking advice on how to get Mingyu's attention.

But now it was three days before Joshua and Mingyu were to get married. Tomorrow they would go to the venue they had hired. It was a very large building, beautiful garden in the back. That's where they'd hold the ceremony, the party would follow inside the venue. Now, tomorrow they were gonna start on the decorating, but Mingyu had to cancel due to work. So Jeonghan, Joshua's best man, was to accompany him, together they would decorate everything the way that Joshua and Mingyu had discussed.

Joshua looked once again at the time, it was still early, but he didn't feel like going clubbing, neither did he feel like staying up till God knows what time for Mingyu to get home. So he decided to take a warm bath, scented candle on the side and just go to bed after.

"Mingyu?" Jeonghan mentioned his name, suprised to see him in the club. "Where is Josh?" Mingyu shrugged, looking like he wanted to die at that exact moment. "Home, sleeping? I don't know. Now get me your strongest drink and mind your own fucking business." Jeonghan rolled his eyes as he got Mingyu his drink. "You do realize that you're getting married in less then three days, right? And that your fiancée is currently stressing about everything, alone." Mingyu took hold of the glass, "what do you not understand about minding your own business? Anyways, what time does your shift end? Or am I stuck to you for the rest of the night?" Jeonghan rested both his hands on the counter, "not that it is any of your business, but my co-worker should be here any minute, and I'm free to go." Mingyu nodded as he made his way through the club, ignoring Jeonghan's answer completely.

"What the fuck?" Jeonghan looked at the two man in front of him, one of them definitly being Mingyu. "Mingyu!" He screamed as he ripped the two appart. "God damn it, Jeonghan. For fucking once, can you just mind your own business?" The other guy just stared at them, not sure what to do. "I wanna say i'm sorry, but i'm not." His voice was stern as his fist made its way to Mingyu's jaw. But Mingyu was quick to respond and took hold of Jeonghan's arm. "Now, here is what you'll do, Jeonghan. You will turn around, walk away and forget that you saw us, okay? Oh, and if you even think about telling Joshua about this, think again." Jeonghan tried to get out of Mingyu's grip, "ofcourse I will tell Joshua, how long has this been going on, Mingyu?" Mingyu grabbed Jeonghan by his collar, "if you really must know, this is Vernon, my fiancée, and we've been together ever since highschool." Jeonghan's jaw dropped in disbelieve. "Then why are you with Joshua? Do you have any idea how much he loves you? How much he cares for you? And now you're telling me you have another fiancée? When are you gonna tell him?" Jeonghan struggled to get his feet in the ground, as Mingyu's grip was tight. "Simple, I'm not gonna tell him. And yes, ofcourse I know how much he loves me. He promised me, that when we're married and grow old together, and if he were to pass away first, he'd leave me all his money, and the big villa out of town that his parents left him. So, guess who's gonna have to plan a funeral soon? No worries, I'll invite you, so you can say your last, pathethic goodbye." Mingyu chuckled as he let go of Jeonghan, who immedeatly pushed him. "You fucking asshole, what are you planning? You can't do this! I will tell him everything, you're not gonna get away with this!" Mingyu stroke Jeonghan's cheek, "you can tell. But who do you think he's gonna believe? His fiancée or his pathetic friend? Oh, and no, don't worry. It won't be painfull for him. Cause of death? There probably was something wrong with the food on our honeymoon." Jeonghan couldn't believe anything of what Mingyu was telling him, he looked at Vernon, "and you are okay with all of this?" The guy just nodded, "its not the first time one of us got married while we were already happily engaged." He explained, as he smiled at Mingyu. Jeonghan felt like he was gonna pass out any time soon, "you're both fucking twisted." He managed to say as he finally made his way outside, in need for fresh air.

The next morning, Jeonghan was at Joshua's place at 8:30 sharp. Breakfast with him, as promised. Joshua smiled tiredly as he opened the door and greated Jeonghan with a hug, "I missed you, Hannie." Jeonghan hugged back tightly, "I missed you too, Jiji." Jeonghan had been awake almost all night, not sure how he had to tell Joshua, because he knew this news would crush him, and he couldn't bare to see that happen.

Over breakfast, they had small talk, but Jeonghan couldn't help but notice how tired Joshua looked. "Josh, isn't Mingyu joining for breakfast?" It almost looked like Joshua had stopped breathing for a moment, "uhm, no. He already left for work before I woke up." Jeonghan sighed, "when we finish, you should get dressed soon, so we can go to the venue. Did you already try on your suit? Because if anything needs to be changed last minute, we have to get it to the store today." Joshua nodded, "I'll try it on quickly before I get dressed."

Jeonghan quickly cleaned whatever was left from breakfast, as they made their way to Joshua and Mingyu's bedroom. Jeonghan sat down at the edge of the bed, waiting for Joshua to get his suit. As Joshua removed his tshirt, Jeonghan's eyes immedeatly fell on the bruises on Joshua's back, "Josh, what's that?" Joshua immedeatly turned around, "what?" Jeonghan got up and stood behind Joshua, placing his hand on Joshua's hips. "Did Mingyu do that to you?" Joshua sighed, "he was just a little pissed off when he got home during the night. Jeonghan, its okay. He was gentle this time." Jeonghan carefully hugged Joshua from behind, "gentle? Josh, I'm sorry, I really didn't want to be the one to tell you this. But you can't marry him." Joshua frowned as he turned around, Jeonghan's arms still around his waist. "What are you talking about? If its about the bruise, its nothing to worry about. Its just a small one." Jeonghan shook his head as he gently stroke Joshua's cheek, "Joshua.. Can't you see it? He's not good for you. This was not the first time he hurt you like that. He didn't-", Joshua shook his head, "no, don't worry. We didn't have sex. You know that. Mingyu knows how important it is for me to wait till the night of the wedding." Jeonghan sighed, "that's literally the only promise he's keeping, Josh. Joshua, last night.. Last night I caught Mingyu making out with someone else. And it apparently wasn't the first time." Joshua frowned, "what? Jeonghan, what are you talking about?" Joshua started feeling hot inside, waiting for Jeonghan to explain.

They were both sitting on the bed now, Joshua was crying, Jeonghan comforting him, arms around him tightly. "But J-Jeonghan, what do I do now? He's about to get married to someone else? But what about our wedding? I can't cancel everything, I just can't.." Jeonghan slowly stroke his hand over Joshua's back, "simple, you let everything go through. You won't even tell Mingyu that you found out."

"What? Jeonghan, I c-can't do that. I don't want to marry him. What do you want me to do?" Joshua wiped his tears away as he looked in to Jeonghan's eyes.

"Marry me, Joshua Hong."

[lizbotw]

Okay. I think I’ll finally confess, because I’m way too excited for us to have matching themes. (Also gonna put that you’re my “buddy” in my description if we are gonna match themes lmao👀)Since you’re favourite character is Reiner, mine is........

......

......

......

.....Bertholdt!!!!! :DDD You’ve guessed right this whole time but it was hilarious watching the entire progress of my keeping info away from you and leaving you in the dark😌ALSO PLEASE TELL ME YOUR THINKIG PROCESS AND HOW YOU ALREADY HAD AN IDEA OF MY “TASTE” WHAT-you have idea how hard it was to keep it from you without bursting into my endles compliments I have for this tall precious boy who deserves the world🥺 I’ve been having some ideas but also wanted to let you guess..however it was too painful to wait because you were RIGHT THERE ON THE SPOT but you still were unsure and thought it might be Marco or Reiner still aha, and none of this would’ve even been possible if I never mentioned the name because apparently you didn’t even remembered that he existed in the anime😭 So underrated.....Okay I was thinking of changing my quote in the blog name to one of Bert’s quotes and maybe you could do one too? Not to mention matching icons?🥺It sounds like so much fun but idk if you’re up for it..?? 😌Anyways you’re response to my ask was so soft, I’ll just go happily cry in a corner while doing my hw-

KRISTY ISTG I’M GONNA PUNCH YOU I FUCKING KNEW IT as soon as i saw him i was like “i just KNOW kristy is heads over heels for this fucking man” what other guy would you like!!! the answer is none of them!!! only him!!! okay the rest is under the cut because this was an entire journey and a half smh but you ASKED FOR IT

my thought process? whooo this is messy but okay. also if i say it now i won’t have to say it later so i’ll just unload everything here. much easier than ranting in ur dms. also you don’t have to like... reply, you can just read it because i am just delivering what you asked for

okay i’ll confess too, i wasn’t unsure about my answer AT ALL, that was just a cover up 😭 IDK AJDNSJAJ i was so SURE it was him, but there’s always the chance there’s someone else but also literally could not see you liking anyone else. i 100% knew it wasn’t marco bc um... he’ll be gone soon ❤️ idk when but soon. so he’s not exactly a good choice for a long-term fav, but i was like let’s just add him in for some ~mystery~ and also tbh you kinda exposed urself that it’s not him when you said a long time ago that ur okay with jean-marco matching icons but that you still really want me to figure out ur fav

i was trying to figure out how to say it ¿¿¿ as soon as i saw him i was like this is it. i’ve got to tell her. but i didn’t know how to word it AJJSJDJSJ “why do i feel like you like bertholdt 🤡” “ur in love with bertholdt aren’t you 😐” “bertholdt” (that’s right. just his name. and then i’d see how you react.) “him” “reiner’s bff... u like him don’t you” ALL OF IT and we weren’t as close then so i was like AJSJJSJDJ HOW TO WORD THINGS- the amount of times i almost said it but was like hmm... nvm let’s go back to discussing eren, that’s the safest thing to talk about rn. grrr i was just “it’s bertholdt, u like bertholdt u ABSOLUTELY LOVE BERTHOLDT I KNOW IT 🤡🤡🤡” like i could not figure out how to... convey. it was just 😐🤡😐🤡😐🤡 bc it’s HIM. but i was like ur gonna hate me if i say it like that but those were my emotions BC IT’S SO OBVIOUSSSSS

AND WHAT REINER????? nooo i absolutely KNEW you did not like him, plus you said you already had ur reiner phase smh kristy u are so obvious. SO OBVIOUS KRISTY IT HURTS but you also said you were being very careful and not giving me clues??? so i was thinking maybe i’m looking at things too surface level here. I AM NEVER SECOND GUESSING MYSELF AGAIN

i knew it was a guy even tho you kept saying “they” bc YEAH INTUITION 🧘‍♀️ only maybe i’d think you like christa or whatever but idk she’s like... not the first choice. hmm WAIT LMFAO ALSO YOU ALREADY SAID HANGE WAS UR FAV FEMALE CHARACTER kristy the things you say... the clues were enough to confirm my initial suspicions 😈 man me mentioning bertholdt = opening the floodgates for you YOU WERE SO EXCITED

let it be known that i was onto you from the start 😠 if you told me it was someone else i would be like “okay... lies” but in the back of my mind i would have known you must have an intense bertholdt phase at some point. it’s him. it’s always been him.

okay let me explain my relationship with bertholdt because i didn’t forget him ENTIRELY nooo don’t think that 😭 so he shows up with his buddy reiner and talks to eren ❤️ instantly is on my radar bc talking to my boy??? already am like “kristy vibes.” cut to jean existing 🥰 am only focused on him during trost arc bc eren died :( see reiner and annie together, so cute 💞 but where is bertholdt? i decide to write a thing about my thoughts on all the characters. i end up writing a paragraph on why bertholdt is sus bc he’s all but disappeared at this point 😐 felt bad bc it felt like i was slandering him unnecessarily and i knew i should be nice to him bc you like him and i didn’t want to hurt your feelings. i stare at the draft for weeks. decide to go back and look for bertholdt bc i felt like i had missed him (this brings us to current times). i see him, think he’s an okay guy, however seeing him also just leads to me gathering even more evidence that he’s sus. am panicking bc i want to share my thoughts but i don’t know how you will react. this leads to me tentatively telling you about how i think he’s pretty cool so you can see that i am NOT a bertholdt hater. slowly start mentioning my suspicions of a few different characters, etc. you know how it goes from there. i wanted to say it was bertholdt when i sent you that message but i chickened out idk so i was like “haha, this is NOT my official guess okay <3” 😍 grrr the fact that rn i was just going to be like “it’s bertholdt kristy. i know it and you don’t have to tell me i’m right because i already know i am” because i was like okay, we’re good friends at this point, anything i say will be fine <3 plus i was tired of living with this burden of knowledge AND NOW YOU’VE TAKEN THE REVEAL AWAY FROM ME that’s it, i’m going to find a new fav and not tell you about them and make you guess who it is. this is what you deserve.

he’s always been vaguely on my radar but anyway the point is i kept trying to figure out where he was but i’m blind so therefore i assumed he was up to no good. now that i have looked for him and seen him, i still believe he is up to no good (I MEAN THIS IN A NICE WAY PLEASE DO NOT HATE ME). omg i have things to say about him but i still don’t want to be mean 😭 he must have redeeming qualities bc you like him??? but. he gives me certain ~vibes~ LIKE LITERALLY LOOK AT HIM just standing there with reiner (speaking of which reiner is not off the hook either)

gahhh okay i should really just show you the theories thing okay it’s not so much theories now that i look at it but more so my thoughts on the characters i wrote bc slowly it’s becoming more and more irrelevant the more we talk so like... give me a sec and i’ll show you. ugh you know what i won’t even bother to edit it, you’ll see my RAW thoughts 😭 they haven’t really changed much anyway because i haven’t watched much aot lately. just use ur intuition and you’ll be able to tell which thoughts have changed for me 💆‍♀️ (read as: anything i say about “where is bertholdt” = he was there all along but i accidentally ignored him) he’s so endearingly cute tho... i am infuriated because i cannot love all these characters. this show... how does it do this to me. also you said you really hope i like whoever it is and i feel like for all the other characters it’s very obvious i’d like them bc they’re all so AKDKDKDK. plus i talked about how much i loved most of them anyway, he was one of the few i barely discussed my feelings about 👀

when we were talking about him i just KNEW you wanted to scream about how much you love him. i was like “do it kristy DO IT prove me right” but ur self control is unmatched, i could never. like you sprinkled in some praise for the other characters but i knew who you were REALLY thinking about ;))))) I STILL CAN’T BELIEVE YOU TOOK AWAY THE CHANCE FOR THE REVEAL AWAY FROM ME this is the equivalent of instantly knowing the answer to a question as soon as the teacher says it but then someone raises their hand faster than you 😐

hhhggg this is getting long but you wanted to know your type as i see it? (okay i just noticed you said “taste” actually but whatever, same thing) dude, bertholdt is the BLUEPRINT for all the guys you like rn. so sweet... like ur suga selfship. it’s so clear. potentially will do something i don’t want to say evil buuuuut, like hello??? DABI. there’s more but you get the point. the day you tell me you don’t like someone like bertholdt is the day i give up on eren. HAHA THERE’S SUCH A PATTERN plus the fact that bertholdt is legit all of those qualities rolled into one??? perfection. also before i even watched the show i saw pictures of him and he looked like someone you’d like so i kind of had that idea in my head from before to look out for him but i kept forgetting his name bc i can’t spell so i was like “who was that guy again” AND I COULDN’T SEARCH HIM UP BC I DIDN’T KNOW HIS NAME... oops? wowww if i wasn’t so shy and scared of you telling me i was wrong and then never talking to me again we would have been done with this whole thing a looooong time ago damn

matching icons yes omg reiner 🥰 he’s all mine now 🥰 damn wait i just changed my icon and i kind of like the vibes it gives off for me. hmm tbf i’ve been meaning to change up my theme and make a new header but i’ve been lazy. it was going be a cute dark blue/purple halloween theme but </3 yeah. i even had the pictures ready and i just had to edit them akjajsjsj. so if you have a bertholdt quote that means i should have a reiner one right? 👀 well he’s said eren’s name before right? so i’ll just keep my current title 🥰 JKJK AJSNSJAJJA i’ll go look for something. hhhggg wait okay can we do them for november? i know i’m going to want a change when november comes 😭 it’ll be like cleanse from october bc man is life kicking my ass rn. plus if i do it rn i’m going to be obsessed with making the new theme PERFECT and i just Do Not have the time to be busy graphic designing my blog 😭 I’M SO EXCITED FOR THEM TOO but ahhh man i love designing things like this so i’m going to be so focused on that. the fact that i briefly considered changing to an eren icon at one point but then i thought you would judge me </3 yes i have a problem with my obsession, what of it also we are more than just buddies, we’re practically aot soulmates at this point because we keep liking the different halves of all the iconic pairs. jean/marco, reiner/bertholdt... um okay well only those two but yeah i’m just kidding, buddy is good hehe that’s so cute omg pls use that 🥰

okay i hope ur happy, i have just exposed all of my thoughts. this is what you deserve for your precious boy so here ❤️ also i was feeling bad and was about to ask you if it’s okay to be sus of bertholdt because he’s truly a cute baby to me plus he has ur heart so maybe he’s truly good :( but then i remembered you like the villains in bnha so i wouldn’t put it past you to like someone who may or may not do something... suspicious. so i will be deciding myself who’s sus and who isn’t 😠😌 no criticism allowed this man is UP TO SOMETHING it’s always the quiet ones

ALSO I WAS GOING TO GO BACK AND LOOK FOR HIM EITHER WAY I SWEAR not just bc you mentioned him!!! 😭 he was always in the back of my mind ❤️ well i didn’t know exactly who he was but i was vaguely like okay the tall soft one... need to look out for him for kristy’s sake. okay maybe you DID influence me in some way to go look for him because technically i only ever even considered him bc he stood out as someone you’d like. but ur right, so underrated 😭 lo siento bertholdt u are actually too cute for this world and i am a dummy for not realizing that sooner :(

anyway now back to our regularly scheduled program of me talking about the armored titan ❤️ whoever you are mr. armor pls hmu ily ❤️ poor reiner watching me be unloyal rn. so weird that i’m going through a phase for both of them but here we are. this stupid titan is the only thing i’m looking forward to in the rest of the trost arc and if he doesn’t show up i’m going to wail pls,,,,,

mwah yes do ur hw kristy very good. i will not do mine but that’s okay ❤️ ur the responsible one out of the two of us also the fact that you said my response to your last ask was soft and now here i’m boderline yelling at you about bertholdt... duality please talk to me about how much you love bertholdt now or else ❤️

[polygamyff]

41. Part 5

I hate interviews, I really fucking hate them so I am glad I can be not there and just here “Maurice Davenport, thank you for taking some time out to speak to us” Dominic said at CNBC “pleasure is all mine, I am sorry I couldn’t be there but I made sure we could still speak” I said “and we thank you, news just broke. Davenport Hotels has taken over Hilton in America? Are we seeing this right?” he said, I mean it was all rumours but now it’s real “well yes, we have been in talks for a year now behind the scenes, it wasn’t so easy at all. I mean it is hard to even let go of your business but when you see something not working the only thing you can do is ask for help, I respect Hilton so much, I love their hotels. They knew what I could give, it was a lot of coming and going but we have gone in partnership. I know in a business perspective it’s me taking over but Hilton still have their hands in this, they still have some input in this but they will run under my ownership” I have no idea what to say but least I can smile. Sex has made me very happy “so will we see Hilton or Davenport hotels on the signs? So can I still use my loyal points?” Dominic said laughing which made me laugh “I can assure you that yes, but the bonus is” I said still laughing “you can now use the points with Davenport Hotels also, so customers can use it in any of them. Hilton has of course got their hotels still in Europe and the rest of the places internationally, they do own themselves so when we spoke on it I said to make it was easier for our customers, I want to make sure they can use these points in either, so if you do go overseas and go to a Hilton owned hotel you can still use it” shifting in my seat “that sounds great, I mean for myself I will travel around and get all of these points which I would like to use, I do like that” he pointed “so how much do you own in regards to the hotels in America, how much did Maurice Davenport get?” rubbing my chin laughing “now, that would be telling. Dominic, I can’t be telling you that now” I chuckled “come on, it will come out eventually?” he said “well, when we discussed what we wanted and what they wanted. I think they can agree on this, but it ended up being, eighty, thirty. Eighty is mine of course, we helped them at a time of need because they know my name alone sells, and with my hotels being so famous for size and structure, they want that. I know there will be loyal Hilton customer so I won’t be changing layouts, but the name and quality will just get better. Prices no, I won’t do that” I thought I would answer that before he did.

I didn’t think this interview would be this long, it’s still going on “how does it feel to be thirty and a billionaire in your own right? I ask this because you never give the best answer to me, you’re so calm” I shrugged “it is what it is, I think it was only time. I would eventually get the company, but I just did my own thing and pushed this all further. But I am blessed, I am happy to be here, and I can only thank god. I like to stay humble” I laughed “true, so to end the interview. There have been many negative news coverages in regards to your private life, your family. Things coming out about you, how does that affect you in business?” I suppose he was going to say it “in life, when you’re doing good there will always be haters and that does include your family, we work on it. It’s all good, I think it comes with that life. I am just most blessed to have my daughter and if god plans that I am here, I can see her sitting here telling the world that we own every hotel in the world” Dominic and I laughed “well Maurice, we always said this. I said your children will be most blessed, we need to catch up soon. And the home in New York? Was that on the Hilton deal?” he asked “erm that was bit of both, I had to treat my other half with her moving here, you know how it is” I had to slide that in, I want people to know we are together to be honest.

I am so glad that is done with “who is your other half?” Robyn asked “not you anyways, my third wife” I held three fingers up, she hit my hand away “you’re so annoying, I am so proud of you. Like this is so big of you, to be doing this. Like I didn’t think on what you were doing was that big but hearing you speak on it, hearing him say those things. You have done something so big, and Maurice you will be here to see Reign grow up. So proud of you” Robyn got up from the couch “thank you, appreciate it” hugging Robyn “also I need to speak to you” hugging Robyn close “what is up?” I said as I pressed a kiss to Robyn’ cheek “my mom text me, she said that I need to go back. Reign won’t settle and she sent me a video too” letting out an oh, I don’t like to hear my daughter is struggling “then we go now” I said, not my daughter “Reign is sucking her thumb Maurice, you should see her” stepping back, watching Robyn go on her phone “I don’t want my daughter stressing, come. We can go now” I am not about that, to know my daughter is upset “look at this” Robyn turned the phone to me, taking the phone from her. I poked my lips out, Reign is just staring at herself on the phone with her thumb in her mouth “take that out, say hi mommy and daddy” Terry said, Reign is not happy I can tell “look at her, she is sad Robyn. She needs comforting” Reign placed her thumb back in her mouth again “oh god, she is too cute doing that. My daughter is stressing, we got to go” I said shaking my head, holding the phone out to Robyn “mhmmm I guess but then how does it work?” Robyn said, furrowing my eyebrows “does what work?” I questioned “me and you?” I said “well yeah” she is here wasting time when my daughter is stressed “I need to go to New York, you go to California. Then you come to New York forever? You want this yeah?” Robyn nodded her head “but I want you to spoil me again before claiming me” Robyn pouted “I will, you just need to move to New York, you coming to me yeah? All the dick?” Robyn snorted laughing “you’re stupid but this is forever, you know that? That means you got a wife?” I gasped “so you taken me back? Wow! That was quick” Robyn laughed “no, I said you got to be faithful!” she stuck her tongue out at me “forever Bonita, I will be” I ain’t ever going to fuck up.

I am upset that we have to cut the time away short, but Reign is not settling, I rather go back then stressing Reign out “Santiago, I promise I will come back. Sorry it was so short” I said to him in passing “you must come back sir, you are most welcome” he said back to me, I just smiled opening the bedroom door “are you ready yet?” I asked Robyn, she’s been a while “uh yeah, just a few more items to pack” walking into the room “you mind if I sit?” I asked, “you are acting like you need permission?” I sat down smirking “you know me well enough, I just wanted to ask how you feeling?” I need to know where her mind is at right now “erm, I feel very happy. I feel very relaxed, I feel like we needed this Maurice, I saw your vulnerability. I saw that you knew what you did was wrong and I think we can move on, I want to move to you to New York with Reign, I think we can work through this because at the end of the day Maurice, I can’t see myself with anyone else, hand on my heart. I want you and I to be together forever, I love you and you do love me. I think mistakes were made but we can move on from this, you know what you could lose and I am happy you know this now. Don’t get it twisted, got it?” Robyn glared at me, nodding my head “I got you Robyn, I know what I want. I want you; I love you Robyn. I want you to come to New York as soon as possible ok?” Robyn is glaring at me; she is trying to make sure I know, but I do “I promise” I repeated “promise what?” Robyn said “promise to give you dick to shut you up, you know what I mean Robyn, I am not going to fuck up” I shook my head “and last night was one of the best nights I had, I just want my family back. Seeing Paula, she knows and she knows you’re a great girl so I go by her word. And I don’t want to be like my dad, on god I don’t want to be. I just need you to come to me, and I may be not well for a few days, heat gets to me but it’s all good. I be taking my medication and stuff you know but it’s all good, I will get better” smiling at her “well I need to see my mother, and I will be there with you. You know I am like supposed to be starting work in New York next week, I didn’t cancel anything, I am also supposed to be going back to work in Cali, I need to sort myself out too” she is crazy, she ain’t done shit “well you do that, I will be waiting for you. I ain’t even seen the home yet, I am waiting on you and Mi Amor” I want to do it together when we see the home.

I watched the video again; I couldn’t help myself seeing it. My baby girl is sucking her thumb, but she doesn’t look happy at all “you really like the video don’t you?” Robyn said, I grinned “it’s just the way she puts her thumb in her mouth, it’s too damn adorable. Her tiny little hand, like I can’t even deal. I miss her a lot, but I don’t want Reign sad, so you need to go back” my phone started to ring on the table, it’s my dad “it’s like he sensed I am coming back to New York” I said while passing Robyn’ phone to her “or Paula said it” Robyn said it so fluid, I shook my head answering the call “dad” I answered “dad” Robyn mimicked me, she thinks she is funny “you disappoint me then you come back making me proud again, Maurice to see this kind of deal is amazing. I am so proud of you, I can’t really gift you anything else because you have it all, I am speechless. The family are happy, we are drinking to you, so proud of you my boy” I chuckled “when people like you shit happens, I just be getting deals done but you know what is next right?” Robyn is right, I should be getting what is mines “you bringing Reign to Texas?” he said “soon but handing the company to me, officially. Like I know I messed up, but I am cleaning the mess, I have reflected on what I did wrong and making it better. I want the company on my name now, so I can know my daughter will get it” Robyn smiled at me, she wants me to get what is mines “fine, I will get that to happen but did you do what you need to do in Spain huh?” my dad asked, he knows why I came here “it’s been good dad, I can say things have been good and I saw Mami” I paused before I said anything else “your mom doesn’t like you saying that but is she ok?” my dad asked “she is well and I am happy to have seen her, Robyn met her and she adored Robyn so much. Anyways, I got to go. Spend some time with Robyn before we land, speak soon yeah” disconnecting the call “look at you pushing for the company now” Robyn said “for you, you said I should push for it. So I am” Robyn grinned at me “I want you to do that, you’re well within your right to get what you deserve” it’s funny to see Robyn wanting me to push for it now.

Robyn turned the phone to me “what is it?” looking away from my laptop “well while you’re answering emails I was doing my own thing so look” taking the phone from Robyn, looking down at the phone “when did you take this?” I don’t remember this photo “I put a filter over it” Robyn said, seeing the black and white picture of me staring down at Reign, she was so tiny here “Robyn she has grown so much, I mean from seeing this she is growing so quick and I hate missing out on her, I love this picture. I look like I got muscles too, you sure you want people to see me topless? I know I look sexy like this” Robyn groaned out “be quiet and read it” Robyn said, scrolling down and pressing more and reading it out “I am so proud of you Maurice, you have done something people doubted you on but you have really made me so proud of you, I know your struggles and you work so hard for it, for us and for everyone around you. Mi Amor is so lucky to have you as her dad and I am so happy to have you as my man” looking up at Robyn “mhmmm what!?” I spat “what? That is for the gram, you need to still do more” Robyn ain’t shit at all “wow, look at you claiming me for the gram but not really, wow!” I chuckled “thank you Robyn, I want to make you proud, you and Reign. You both are the ones that mean the most to me” passing Robyn’ phone back “well I want you to make sure you look after yourself and you do not start going back to work, you need to rest ok?” nodding my head, I will obey her.

Landing back in JFK, this will be the last time I let Robyn go like this, she will be with me next time. I am not going to fuck up, I know she is saying that she is testing me but she wants me as much as I want her “when you get back, I just need you to make sure the house sale goes through ok? And I will see you back yeah? Tell your mom that she is most welcome here, she can move here. You know that” Robyn smiled at me so wide “you’re so kind but who told you I made a decision?” shaking my head as I got up from the seat “right, ok. Fine. I will go then” she keeps playing “I am joking, I will. Just going to be hard to leave her in California but I will try my best to say to her come but she won’t, you know I want you” watching Robyn get up from her seat “then why do you like to be funny?” Robyn shrugged as she tiptoed up, wrapping her arms around my neck “we will be joining you soon, you may need to get me a removal truck. You know me, I have a lot of things” nodding my head “I will get you anything you want, you know this” nuzzling Robyn with such a smile on my face “I love you so much” Robyn said “I miss you already though” it was short lived being in Spain, it was sad to leave so quick.

[incarnateirony]

Queer meta writer DrSilverFish asks, "So is Dean’s bisexuality still subtext, after this episode?" and answers "Yes, given that out there in the fly-by-night froth of mainstream entertainment journalism, it remains (as far as I can see, in my admittedly brief trawl) unremarked upon in 15x07 episode reviews." Guess she's an idiot or a hater, huh? Couldn't be she's just being realistic about what is happening. And that 15x07 didn't make Dean bi in canon. Tough luck. Maybe next time!

You mean the blog I indirectly without naming to be tactful and not directly drag my fellow LGBT community members mentioned previously liking (and, frankly, probably formerly the blog I engaged most?) and boycotting for regressive language so as to not elevate that kind of voice? Like… you know, the reason I voluntarily even said I was going to stop posting meta that brought related traffic? That one? Might as well clear that one up now if we’re playing this game. Already on it. Already, apparently, far more alert to you about it lmao what are you like a day or two late.

Queer people can in fact use regressive language and be misguided. That’s what years of gaslighting does to people. But nice tokenism of slinging someone out there by employing their sexuality, there’s plenty more saying the opposite, that isn’t how that works. Stay woke though sweetie.

Stand for something. For. Fuck. Sake.

And standing doesn’t involve using LGBT people with your preferred opinion as a token to sling at others and throw them under the bus while you hide on anon when you can’t actually broach or address the actual related queer history discussions or any of the other angles about why it’s problematic. I may be avoiding supplying traffic to the blog right now while truly believing them misguided, but you have already jumped past several pales with this one, Nonnie. 

The exploitative self-demonstrating faux activism just JUMPED out. If you wanna slapfight over throwing tokens around, the 50~ new followers I just got in the topic would probably like to have a word, or… probably not, because people like you are why they’re hiding their commentary in reblog tags. Me, a niche blog, who can sometimes go days or weeks without a follow.

h o w do you not realize how self-contrarian you are

(and frankly if anybody’s been sitting on the fence wrestling their bullshit use this anon’s methods as an insight on some of the driving minds behind anywhere from anti-ism to what some people think is activism)

and I swear to god if the thought even flitted across your mind to go crawl those tags just to shake them down too, you’re either too far gone to even know what activism or representation look like or an anti playing cute manipulator.

So you know, if that stealthed through your brain, that’s a you thing.

Shit like the call I chose to make wasn’t easy. I hope to some day go back to corresponding with them when they aren’t cycling regressive dialogue unintentionally. I just refuse to give destructive dialogue, no matter how accidental, platform. Nobody wakes up and goes, “You know what I want to do? I want to stop visiting my favorite blog for an indefinite amount of time and stop posting my favorite topic that is like the one avenue I have to speak about something fundamentally important to my real life as well, that’s what I’m going to do, I’m going to STOP EVERYTHING I enjoy.”

You do it because it’s the right fucking thing to do.

Try it some time.

Cuz this? This is an exhibit in what not to do. What even is this, some attempt to start some cancel culture bullshit between LGBT sections of fandom? Intentionally causing excess infighting where you think you sense weak spots? Do you even have a motivation beyond clutching bitterness and bad definitions? Like all the above problems with your actual action minded, if you’re not an anti stirring shit, what do you even gain by trying to pit highly connected bloggers actively against each other?

Yeah okay, total activist right here, gold star. Certainly has a great idea of how to interact in progressive discussion. What’s next, calling people snowflakes? Cuz right now your redefinition line designed to oppress queer people which, I am SORRY, no, *are* the majority *you* are going around and pissing in the blogs of while literally bullshitting and inflating your presence by claiming them to oNlY bE a fEW. As much as people think this word is overused, this is TEXT. BOOK. GASLIGHTING. And if you’re reliant on that as your entire method, you don’t even have a point or a place at this conversation table.

You know what I see only a few of you, actually. I’d estimate enough to roughly fill a group chat even. Maybe 2! In that way half of the people in chat 1 are also in chat 2. (listens to the sound of distant knee jerks inside of digital boxes). Niche nerd blogs about stats and near dead religions don’t just blow up overnight and get a bajillion new followers because the people you’re stalking and bagging down are the mInoRiTy. That isn’t how that works. That isn’t how any of this works.

I’m curious, in your time of probably bitter pissy blogging on your own corner, how many follows have you gained? Or lost? …How many notes do you have compared to the progressive facing end of this conversation? Because I am yet to find even a mildly popular post from your angle, or at least not one that stood on its own as much as – for example – what was in fact otherwise a pretty beautiful silverfish meta I almost reblogged myself, went so far as to open the reblog draft launcher thing and then, realizing the language, closed out. So yeah, posts like that get traction by this fandom’s content addiction, even I almost fucked up. And yes, circulating it is fucking up. 

So I guess we’re back to: outside of anons and like a dozen failed posts on tumblr that get less traction than a Lucifer/Ketch/Donatello fic, where are you, this giant assed majority of whoever that you’re voiceboxing from anon, which coincidentally is a basic bitch method of inflating the appearance of your own numbers, especially to people who don’t have statcounter installed?

Normalized queer text or even real people erasure isn’t somehow okay. It’s just normalized. In fact, that’s worse. Just like normalized tokenism of LGBT people, a long term issue frequently breaching on my blog – that very mindset that sent you here with this wild-assedly bass-ackwards angle – is not somehow okay, it’s just normalized.