#I barely have people I consider friends
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Maybe my want for crime is actually just wanting an opportunity to bond with someone other then my cat
#Slight slight vent#But like I dont really have many people irl I'd consider friends?#Like I call almost anyone I'm friendly with and see regularly a friend#But im not close to 90% of them#And it's kinda alienating#I have nothing to do after school almost ever#I'm just kinda wasting away in my room wanting some kind of human connection and never getting it#I barely have people I consider friends#Let alone someone who's my best friend that I can tell them everything#And it sucks#I've drifted away from all my old friends#I struggle to make new ones#Anyway#I dont really like venting online#I just don't have therapy for another week and have no one to talk too#And needed to get this off my chest#Feel free to please ignore this
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(apparently) controversial opinion but I don’t think being into this:
makes you a Monsterfucker™️. maybe, maybe, Monsterfucker Lite™️ because there’s a chance of grimmjow trying to rip your intestines out with his teeth.
for me, personally, you gotta be into something more like this:
to really qualify.
#king’s court#bleach#grimmjow jaegerjaquez#grimmjow bleach#ichigo kurosaki#brought to you by someone once described as an honorary monsterfucker by a friend#because I have no desire to fuck the monsters myself but I can sure appreciate what other people are into. especially when applied#to fictional characters I like#aspec monsterfucker at your service lmao#no but really grimmjow is like the vampire of monsterfucking for the most part#looks mostly human. sharp teeth. claws. homicidal urges#vasto lorde ichigo is more where it’s at in my opinion#intelligent but clearly more relying on instinctual cues. barely considered human-like despite physical appearances#anyway#discuss?
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i read part of the first chapter of sea glass gardens a while ago but decided to come back once I knew more about the characters and world building of jjk. Anyways and I watched jjk 0 and your telling me he actually blew up the school with the power of love??? Like full on textually the power of love??? He straight up used the power of love to nuke Geto and subsequently the school??? Are you kidding me?? I'm losing my mind. What the fuck
my boy has powerful love within him and also incredible and indiscriminate violence. what more could you want from a character.
#it never once occurred to me that people thought I was joking about the power of love#like I was aware that people who were not in the fandom were reading it#I did not consider that people may not realize it was explicitly the power of love and it did in fact level his school#he fucked a grown man up with that#like it caused a mushroom cloud of pure love#god I love Yuuta#he’s so insane and violent#someone hurt his friends and he was immediately like ‘that adult man needs to fucking die’#Geto came there to commit premeditated murder and out of the two of them YUUTA showed much more dedication to beating the other to death#with their bare hands. he wanted to fuck that grown man up. canonically did not care about anything else. he needed to die and Yuuta would#die to make that happen. god he’s so insane. I’m obsessed with him.#*sgg spoilers in this tag* the RCT absolutely caused his unbalanced emotional state but the violent impulses are all Yuuta#look he Cares A Lot and sometimes he may have to kill people about that#jjk0 is the greatest movie of all time to me#I don’t even know how many times I’ve watched it#it simply enchants me#I drove across the country and listened to specifically the song on the soundtrack that plays during Yuuta’s Fuck Off Love Beam on endless#loop. you’d thing I’d get tired of it but nope.#sea glass gardens
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Good fucking riddance to this job. I can't believe the amount of disrespect I've been conditioned to just put up with.
#aside from everything that happened before#I had a TON of work dumped on me overnight and my managers and the person who took over this account were fucking useless when I wanted hel#I had to reach out to one of my work friends who thankfully decided to help me out because she's awesome#everyone is also treating me pretty coldly considering that it's LITERALLY MY LAST DAY AND THEY PROBABLY WON'T SEE ME AGAIN#my friend who's in a different department who's also leaving is being treated way more kindly#the only people who seem sad about me leaving are a few of my work friends#and the national account managers who I worked very closely with#the NAMs actually DID make me feel like I'll be missed and that I was a valued worker#with everyone else it's like I'm barely here#unless they want something from me#like sorry it's just really hard NOT to feel bitter and hurt over this when I already have a lot of trauma from being excluded#whatever I should be happy they're making it easier for me to leave#personal
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i realize how little i have in common with my peers simply because im not constantly on tik tok/instagram/facebook 👴
#first i just dont get 80% of the references bc i simply dont engage with them/im not curious enough about them#second new people or those that i know cant go 15 minutes without scrolling on their phone or texting#the few friends who would let me stay at their house would always sit on their phone the entire evening not really engaging with me#or trying to engage with me by showing me something they found on their phone.... girl-#i broke up with my last partner bc they were chronically online and wouldnt go to sleep without at least 1 hour of phone time in bed#im mainly complaining about the bed time phone usage thing bc it used to drive me crazy as an insomniac#and considering how many people do it just makes me completely disinterested in sharing a bedroom with other people#i am old so that must be it tho#i barely use my phone that thing can last 4 days on one battery charge (it's a good battery but still) despite my occasional yt usage#i like in person talking and i just think people lost touch with their social side the last few years :(#and it's hard for me to feel like im having an engaging conversation with someone if they're constantly checking their phone#it makes me feel really lowly of myself it hits my self-esteem hard bc this behavior shows me im too boring to have their attention#even tho they were the one to invite me over/go out with me... bro.#personal#delete later
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Hrmm... put together a roommates quiz finally after years of thinking it would be an interesting idea lol.. Though obviously not meant to be taken super seriously, I just like thinking about this aspect of personality compatibility. Like yeah, maybe you could get along with someone just chatting with them, but living together is such a different thing. .. curiouse...
#Not that I think that many people would really care since I barely know anyone on tumblr in real life and would never live with random#internet strangers lol but... idk.. I made this to give to friends from time to time and thought... why not post it here too#just out of sheer curiosity if anyone takes it what the most common results would be and etc.#My initial assumption is that most people would probably fall into the 'maybe' category and that either extreme of 'best roomates'#and 'worst roomates' would be the least common#very long also since I like to be thorough I guess#THOUGH... upon second thought... tumblr is home of the like Weird Introverts Who Sit Inside All The Time.. so maybe it's more#likely to come across compatible poeple on here. given that many of the questions are about how meticulous#people are with their scehdules or how often they invite friends over or if they like to mostly stay inside etc.#(since personally I think having a roommate coming and going and bringing random people over all the time would be too chaotic#lol... I need a peaceful quiet household)#Also I kind of don't like the way uquiz seems to do results. I was hoping it would be a number tally? I used some sort of quiz making site#before where you weight the question responses with a number (so the 'Best' response is worth a 0#The worst is worth like 5 points. and all the in between are like 1 - 4 points or something). So then it is actually possible to have a#''perfect score'' category (someone who gets a literal 0 points). and also you could weight some EXTREMELY bad answers#to add like +10 to the score instead of just +5. And someone who got the MAX possible points would be the WORST compatibility. etc.#But uquiz seems to just be like ''which category did you score towards the MOST'. So someone can give some pretty bad answers#that are VERY non compatible. but as long as MOST of their answers landed in a 'compatible' category#then they would still be listed as compatible despite still actually having some dealbreakers in there. Which is also possible with the#'every answer is a number amount' ranking system too. but I feel like that one does allow for a little more customization#and accuracy (like making the dealbreakers add like...+40 to the score or something so that#there's basically NO way that someone could answer with one of those and still get a good score. Or the ability to have a literal#'perfect score' (getting a zero) etc.#BUt anyway lol... inchresting.. inchresting... curious to consider maybe making a uquiz#for the characters in the gameI'm making like.. which npc are you type quiz or something#now that I've made one and seen how it works.. hrmm hrmm....#(< game will not even be done for like another year but still thinking about nonsense like this lol)
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I DID MY COMEDY PERFORMANCE TODAY!!! in front of like 200 people!!! and i didnt stutter or forget what to say!!! and people laughed!!!
#i wasnt THE funniest other performances got better reactions but that was largely because the people performing were popular#point is people laughed !! two girls i barely know came up to me after and said i was really good! (thank you nikita and i forgot your name#and according to one of my friends some mullets were making fun of me during my thing and then a popular girl behind them was like#hey stop dont do that#so thats cool#and the girl whos lockers next to mine also complimented my comedy thing after so that was nice#+ one of the other ppl performing who i used ro be super good friends with (years ago) was very engaged and laughing which was nice :-)#we may not be close friends anymore but yk its nice to still get along 👍#also two of my friends also performed and they did well too ‼️ it was very cool#anyway im very proud of myself for being able to perform in front of that many people cos i have literally never done that#the last time i spoke to an audience of more than 30 people was year 4 assembly and that was like 100 ppl max#so yea im very happy lol. especially considering that the past three years weve been doing persuasive speeches instead of comedy#(comedy was introduced this year to try it out instead of persuasive speeches)#and for the past 2 years ive done my speeches to just the teacher and a few friends cos i dont like giving persuasives to the whole class#(which i still feel tbh) but like. i can do comedy and play a character in front of an audience! which is pretty awesome
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Tuvok-Chakotay dynamic should have gone from two people who are always poking at one another to two people who are always joking with one another - in both cases this is an unspoken thing. They’re playing a game of chicken that gets steadily less hostile. From “I’m not trying to be difficult here.” (lie) to “I’m not trying to be funny here.” (lie)
#let Tuvok have relationships outside of being a mentor to others#let him be so annoying and accidentally have fun#also I believe in this platonically like the show could have really done this canonically if they cared to#but also lets step into my smooth and brilliant mind for a second and consider them kissing about this#A trait of Tuvok's that I like is that he likes teasing people and giving them a hard time...being difficult for the sake of it#(when it doesn't matter of course) and I think if Chakotay discovered that he'd love it bc he is also shown to like that sort of thing#Tuvok and Chakotay having a conversation that they're pretending is serious but is 90% joking around ... yeah -nodnodnod-#The two of them just trying to be barely civil to one another ... Chakotay especially bc that's the woman he likes' bff ... but then#becoming actual friends (or more - both options please me equally) with one another outside of Janeway.... yeah!! -nodnodnod-#[VERY OFF TOPIC] Wouldn't it be funny if Chakotay finally kissed Tuvok and when he opened his eyes slightly to see what Tuvok looked like#Tuvok was just staring at him with his eyes fully open and Chakotay first was startled but then just couldn't stop laughing....#w HY are your eyes open.....(Why did you close yours?)#Tuvok and T'Pel stare at one another while kissing he doesn't know why humans close their eyes when doing their spitty gross version#<- that isn't part of this post I just didn't want to make a whole other post about it (embarrassed)#st voyager#Tuvok#Chakotay
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hello! i have a question abt your toxic megumi fic :) ! it may be a stupid question if so i apologize and you don’t have to answer this but it’s been on mind since i’ve read it, so megumi doesn’t love the reader if not how does he feel towards her? sorry once again if it’s a stupid question 😭!
Hi lovely! Not a stupid question at all thank you for asking this 🥺
He actually is very much in love with the reader but it’s such a toxic and controlling love it can definitely be misconstrued as other feelings. Megumi is very very very insecure in that particular story I wrote because he knows the reader is very beautiful and popular and worries she’ll leave him eventually. But he’s also very smart and because of his manipulative nature he knows how to get her exactly where he wants. He wants her to need him and be addicted to him and she unfortunately plays right into his hand every time. They both cheat on each other bc they are both super toxic but in the end he knows he can get away with murder when it comes to the reader because she’ll never be able to give up on him and how much she loves him. It would take a huge influence to make her leave him, it’s more or less impossible. He cheats bc he knows she’ll be angry but ultimately it scares her more than anything that she’ll lose him. She’ll cheat as an act of revenge but she and Megumi both know she’ll never find a good enough replacement for him no matter what.
So yeah in short, he does love her and he’s just a horrendous prick about it.
And if the end of the fic is the part that confused you, he didn’t say it back because he rarely does! He’ll say it at random times that give her hope that they have a good relationship but it’s, again, just to keep her under control. She worries when he doesn’t say it back to her and makes her want to make him love her back. So it’s just a never ending cycle really 😭
I Hope that was clear I’m sorry if it didn’t help or was a bit rambly, feel free to ask me anything you’re confused about! I love answering asks about my stories so this was very welcome 🥺🥺 thank you!
#💌 — luxe mail#toxic!megumi#such a good question nonnie thank you for this!#i never considered that people might think he doesn’t love her!#it’s so toxic but I just assumed it made sense that they loved each other#but no of course it makes total sense that it seems like he doesn’t love her#he cheats and he barely makes an effort to make her feel loved and he’s very scary and so so sooo mean to her#if I had a friend irl in a relationship like theirs I’d be HORRIFIED#but in my little fantasy land I’m like hehe toxic megumi uwu 👉🏽👈🏽#anyway yes thank u again for this wonderful ask!#i hope ur having a nice day and a good start to your week xx#take care of urself and drink lots of water <333#mwah mwah mwah 🥰
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#idg the ppl who make fun of ppl who label bullying as a trauma#my mum was bashed every day at school as a kid#then had to go home to deal with religious/cult brainwashing#i was bullied during 'no tolerance' beginnings so they just learned to jab at my appearance and ostracize me#im still deeply affected to the point where i cant form relationships without feeling on some subconscious level#that im actually being manipulated#and then i do end up getting manipulated#(there was other bullying going on but that was 95% of what they found they could get away with)#so basically im rly struggling with still feeling like a joke and like im someone whose only worth is to be fucked with in every conceivable#way as i hold no value in being seen as beautiful or lovable or likable or smart or funny or a complete person#because basically 90% of the people whove been in my life have treated me with active hostility#the other ten percent include people who were paid to not be hostile#one person out of all ive gone on more than one date with#and three friends i have now#only one of whom is willing to emotionally support me when im telling them IM STRUGGLING#anyway bullying solidified that i was a worthless pos to everyone on the planet and i dont know what kind of charmed#life these ppl have lived to not have bullying be the piss flavoured icing on the shit flavoured cake that was their childhood#okay the bullying got so bad for me that i ended up going thru psych abuse further familial abuse#a really shitty 'friendship' i had which futuer entrenched how worthless i was#which made me anthropophobic which was an horrific nightmare#i barely left the house for almost 7 years!!!!#THIS is why pplthink theyre autistic#no actually im just deeply confused as to why you would ever tell me the truth about anything#as i KNOW that im worthless and should die#the shits who laugh at bullying being considered a trauma to some come off as tho yhey were a bully...
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it's so fun when the people who took everything from you claim to be the real victims. like, y'all want to dump a years-long friendship in a dumpster fire just cause you're in a romantic relationship and that's the only thing that matters to you, go fucking ahead. but don't pretend to be the victim when you were the one who destroyed it.
you don't get to take literally everything from me and claim that you were the real victim when the only thing you didn't take was the skin off my bones.
#sunbun speaks#i keep having nightmares/memories of the 3-ish people who literally left me with nothing but the clothes on my back#and kept asking for more because it wasn't enough#or the fact that every single one of them basically turned into whoever their partner wanted them to be and would ditch their own parents#if their partner told them they didn't like them anymore#using me as a scapegoat whenever they had negative feelings and accuse me of being the source instead of a voice of reason#or just straight up getting pissed at me when i wasn't going to play their toxic game#and by the end of it all i had nothing: no clothes or any of my stuff no money nowhere to go and no friends#they destroyed my life while i was barely a blip in theirs#people who grew up with wealthy parents are fucking pricks#because yeah that's another thing they all had in common other than being codependent af: they all grew up with upper-middle class parents#they just took and took and took and tossed me aside#cause btw it's really hard to get back a lifetimes worth of stuff in only a few years with no money#i still remember everything they took from me and not just material possessions#and in the end they wanted me to apologize to them for being inadequate in filling my role as emotional punching bag#only for none of them to feel any remorse and get mad at me for implying they did anything that i didn't deserve#even looking at my life now i only have my partner and my kids#as much as i try i can't fix the fact that I'm autistic which means i will always struggle with human interaction#so it's not like it's easy to make friends#especially not friends who don't religiously devote themselves at the alter of toxic monogamy and view anyone else as 'extra' and disposable#in a matter of three years those three people took everything from me and despite it being 6 years later i am STILL recovering what i lost#how can you destroy someone's life who never did anything to you and still consider yourself the victim
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@enchantingllamathing
I mean this when I say this I literally would not be around as much as I am if it wasn't for the wonderful people in this community who not only entertain my shenanigans but also geniunely enjoy it enough to discuss it or share it. Getting to make other people happy with my silly content is the reason I am Thriving, so thank YOU for being around. T_T
#nonitxt#the immortal science of sos#considering i was also making content for a big ship where i barely have friends#and a ship where there's like maximum 10 people who care#this is the best of both worlds
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some girls i know just did their turning 20 ceremony (japan) and asked me what i did for mine. ......T_T
#look up 20 year old ceremony kimono T_T theyre so beautiful#i love kimono. this particular style you only really get the one chance to wear.#the photos online dont really do it justice#my friend wore a bright teal one with an orange obi. but you could barely tell because of how patterned it is#jaw dropping#i live nearby a great second hand clothes place that ive gotten a couple of little things from. im considering making a bigger purchase#before going home. either a fox pelt (with a face and everything) or an old kimono#just to have#a lot of japanese people thing its nice when foreigners wear kimono in japan but i couldnt do it when i get home i dont think#im not saying theres a rule book about what to do im saying i would feel uncomfortable doing it#i would be buying it just to have. i already own a kimono its proper silk and embroidered.#maybe i get an obi#who knows. i love the store so i want to give them more of my money before i go#anyway i was jealous bc i havent celebrated my birthday since i was 8 bc my friend didnt invite me to theirs and i got confused so i stoppe
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Having a post get popular enough to be independently reblogged by someone you follow but aren't mutuals with is. Wild
#yes it was the sex poll obvs#given the person is a minor i'm very glad they picked answer one lmao#like i do think minors in general are allowed to want and even have sex (with each other obvs) but when it's a minor i personally follow it#would just make me feel pretty weird lmao. like on a personal level ya feel? i mean when u reach an even closer level it becomes not weird#again like my dear friend ness (17yo) who afaik doesn't actually HAVE any sex but occasionally wants to and i support her hot girl summer.#but as stated this person barely knows i exist i just follow his blog (i used they earlier but this was incorrect but tumblr won't let me e#edit the tag 😔) and he's 16yo so seeing him talk about wanting and/or having sex would have been. uncomfortable. like obvs he'd be allowed#to because my personal discomfort is no indication of morality but you get it. like if my big little cousin (she's 15 now by god the years#don't stop coming) were to talk about sex and stuff to me or within earshot i would ummm. throw myself out the window? but like i'd still t#try to be supportive and if push comes to shove then yes i would give her condoms 😔 cuz like if a minor wants sex i will not be able to sto#stop them lmao but i can at least try and make it somewhat safe y'know#actually i remembered i have literally given a 15yo a condom before lmao she's prolly over 20 now but like as the adult dormmate it was alm#almost like a responsibility y'know like what do you want me to DO?? let her get pregnant?? anyway enough tangent lmao#btw all this is also why in the poll i included 'too young' but didn't specify an age cuz that's individual y'know. some people are p late#bloomers (i was one) while others choose to have consensual sex by 14 y'know. not something i like to think about but that doesn't mean it#won't happen ya feel. i mean what am i the american education system? lmao. so some ppl have interpreted being 17 as too young but there's#also folks like this who clearly consider 16 old enough and that's defo ppl's good right. and again i usually don't mind just the fact that#he in particular is someone i already knew made it uncomfy. but anyway yea back on topic it's very interesting in general when your post#gets big enough to independently make it to ur dash thru a non mutual lmao. love the hellsite honestly where else amirite#personal#mine#ok to rb ig#like the actual body of the post anyway. i'd be pretty uncomfy if said person saw my tags on this cuz y'know it's kind vagueing even if it'#not negative but anyway. anyway#*kinda
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and all of a sudden I don't think I want to leave any more
#my brother and sister in law are considering moving a few hours away. there's a part of me that wants to go with them#but there's another part that looks around at the community I'm finding around myself and for the first time in my lif3#life*#I think I have a reason good enough to keep me in one place longer than a couple of years#I knew when I first came here it wasn't going to be church the way it was before. that was the only place#that ever felt like home to me. I love the people I know who make up my church here but they aren't family or really even#very close of friends the way I had before. I never expected a reason to stay.#I can barely conceive of not leaving honestly. but hey *shrugs*#living in liminalities#sometimes I think I could write poetry#Lu rambles
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A friend of mine is graduating, but she knows i won't be able to be there cause I'm flooded with exams until january and she just
messaged me saying she's gonna print a picture of me and take it so i can be there with her i???? the honor?? 😭
#im so exhausted ive barely been able to process but just#im so grateful like#we've been apart for so long now but she still#orz#man having friends is such a rollercoaster idk if i can take it#being tossed aside by 10+ friendships over their recently acquired boyfriends#meanwhile someone i spent a year with is doing this#i took some time away from most cause i needed to focus on my studies and also bc so many of them disappointed me#in a way or another#meanwhile there is her and#one that i havent talked in a while messaging me to gift me art for my birthday#honestly :')#the majority of what i considered my friends making me want to give up on friendships#meanwhile 3 people holding that falling building#i wonder if they noticed#if i manage to get out of this hole#these 3 will have been my lifeline#my last line of defense#it's so interesting#the ones holding me rn arent the ones i expected#im so grateful#i hope I'll be more grateful in the future#rn it's tough#geez this got long#i used to live trusting friendships but i realize i cant do that#but it's nice to have them#personal#i should probably delete this later
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