#I can't believe it's been 4 years since i started supporting you on your journey of being an artist :( good luck for everything love

[jihoonstuff]

Pink princess Jihoon ending 2022 ; it was a ride indeed.

So much happened this year. The comeback after one year of hiatus, losing two members, both being his closest friends in Treasure at that time : yedam being his late night talk buddy and mashiho his only roommate. Then having a comeback and going on a tour immediately after. You have worked hard this year sunshine.

I hope 2023 brings you luck and all good things in the world. I am always looking forward to see you achieve your dreams one by one.

Happy New Year Jihoon!

[crescencestudio]

๋࣭⭑ Devlog #44 | 8.29.24 ๋࣭⭑

why did august feel so long and so short at the same time

And hot girl summer finally comes to an end! Can you all believe we're already getting into September? That's..... crazy.

Before I get into the devlog this month, I want to make a small announcement! It's a bittersweet one, but overall, I do think it's more exciting than anything.

Crescence is FINALLY CLOSE TO GRADUATING!!!!

It's crazy to be able to say this. For anyone who's an OG fan of Alaris, you'll know I basically started game development at the same time I started my Ph.D. program. It's been a wild ride having to balance game development throughout this entire journey. Funnily enough, when I started Alaris, I saw many game developers say a game that was around the same length as Alaris would take about 4-5 years. So at the beginning of my program, I remember thinking, "Ahh... So even though it sounds so intimidating to work on something for 4-5 years, that basically means by the time I finish my Ph.D., I'll be done with Alaris, right? Might as well start then! If I'm going to spend those 4-5 years getting a degree, might as well also use that time to make a game :D"

*Graduates before I finish Alaris alosjdfliasdifj*

inserts a little fanart montage of recent fanart players have made to break up the text

Anyways, it's crazy that I've been on this journey for both parts of my life as long as I have. Both my dissertation and Alaris have equally tested my sanity, but words can't describe how rewarding it is to see the finish line finally in sight for both projects.

The thing is...

If I want to graduate this semester (which I so, so, so, so, SO desperately do), I have to write my entire dissertation (about 60k words) in about..... a 1-1.5 months, haha.....

On the bright side, it's feasible (Crescence says delusionally). On the not-so-bright side, it's going to test my sanity. And if there's a 5% chance I'll be able to make those deadlines and graduate this semester, that chance goes to 0% if I try to balance Alaris on top of that.

Which means...

I'll be taking a two month break from Alaris development, which is the first time in all of development that I'll be taking a break that long. For those who have followed me on this journey, you may know I've worked on my firstborn baby almost continuously since I first started this project. While I've balanced other games during development and sometimes taken short breaks where I don't make as much progress, I've never just Not Worked on Alaris. So it's a bit terrifying to imagine two months not working on Alaris at all.

But graduating this semester is important to me, and at the end of the day, as much as I love game development, it's very much my hobby. I don't talk about my IRL obligations on here too much, but I do have them, and finally getting my Ph.D. degree is one of my biggest IRL obligations and priorities.

So it's with tears in my eyes that I say Alaris will be on a break until the end of October. I'll still be around to answer questions (thank you to everyone who has been sending them in and showing sm curiosity and love for the cast!), and the Patreon will still be up for those who want to play Druk's beta. But aside from that, I'm taking a Full Break on Alaris so that I can buckle down and focus on the final stage of my degree :')

I know this may come as a disappointment to some of you, especially those who have followed me for a while and/or are eager to see the full game release. It pains me to have to step away from Alaris for such an extended time, especially since the weight of full game release does weigh on me with each day lmfao. I want this game out just as badly as the rest of you, and especially because so many of you have trusted me with your money, time, and support, please rest assured that this decision didn't come easy. It's my biggest hope that when I return to game development after finishing dissertation matters, it will be full steam ahead now that I'll no longer have degree obligations hanging over my head.

With that out of the way, let's go into this month's devlog! I'll try to make it as juicy as possible for you all as a thank you for your patience and support while I Get That Degree <3

Thankfully, this past month was much more focused in the writing department! While there was some small editing happening in Fenir and Druk's routes, it was minor changes compared to July. Most of my attention was on Kuna'a, and I'm very excited to say that the first draft of his route is OFFICIALLY FINISHED!!!

THAT MEANS ONLY ONE ROUTE IS LEFT FOR ALARIS TO BE WRITTEN!!!!!! It is so crazy to finally reach the last stretch of script writing. While I'm sure there's much editing to be done, the idea of having the base drafts finished is honestly hard to believe considering how endless script writing has felt.

A sneak peek of Kuna'a's route to celebrate

With how plot-centric the last three routes feel, it's also rewarding in a different way to officially write out a lot of the main plot details into the script, instead of just dropping bits and pieces here and there.

It makes me sad to pause Alaris development right when we're getting into the last meaty bits and pieces, but hopefully this just means when I return to development, I'll be hitting the ground running after missing working on the game ^^

Art has also been making lots of nice progress this month! I finished about half of Druk's CGs and our current CG counter is.... 25 out of 54! Which means we're just about reaching the halfway mark with CGs as well ^^

One of the CGs was so hot, it broke my iPad and almost lost ALL MY ALARIS ART ASSETS!! ha!! ha!! ha!! That was a fun part of this month!!!! Anyways, this isn't the CG in question (that one would be too spoilery to show, though it is on my Patreon for those who want to see it, heh), but this is a CG that I'm particularly fond of that I finished recently---Sneak Peek!

What lipgloss do you use, my man

CGs, aside from sprites, are the last main art assets that need to be done for the game. So knowing that they're just about at the halfway mark really shows that we're getting into the last stretch of the game's development!!

Finally, in extremely exciting news, we launched Druk's beta recently! WHICH MEANS..... HALF of the routes are beta coded for the game!!! WHAAAAT!!!!

Obviously, I'll be going in later to fix up some things, add in more sprite expressions, the CGs, etc. at a later time for these routes. But the fact half of the game is basically coded is so surreal...... I remember when these updates were just me telling you I was still writing and that was literally it LFJALSDJF.

Now, we're here on our third route to be beta tested!!!

everyone thank @minthe-drawings for drawing our beefy boy in all his beefy glory

Druk's beta will be up for a while since I'll be on break from development, but if you'd like to play his beta, sign up for Hydra on my Patreon!

This month, we've also started including drabbles to the Patreon for free members. So if you don't have funds to support through paid tiers but would still like some extra content, I've started writing drabbles that are free for anyone following my Patreon to read ^^

Finally, as one last thank you before I go on my break, we recently reached this milestone on itch.io!!! Y'all have downloaded Crescence games 100k times and played my games over 200k TIMES.... (we technically reached 200k plays a while ago, but I wanted to wait until the downloads number was a pretty 100k).

not to mention the other milestones we've hit. thank you all for your support ;_;

It's crazy to even see this kind of number on my page.... I remember I used to see other amazing devs post these kinds of numbers and I could only dream that one day I'd be able to experience that kind of engagement. And so seeing that number for myself.... it's just really humbling to know you've all supported me for this long and to know I've reached the amount of players that I have <3 Thank you as always for the support and love you've all given my games. One day I will reward you all in kind and release Alaris....LFMALSDIJF

For market research this month, I have been trying to play Fields of Mistria in the small pockets of free time that I have. March and Eiland my beloved. But what I really want to highlight this month is...

No one is surprised that I am, once again, telling you to support @ravenstargames

Lost in Limbo is a phenomenal dark fantasy VN that just released their demo and went live with their Kickstarter. The team is made up of some of the kindest, funniest, most hardworking, and talented people that I know, and I can't recommend the demo enough. The cast is diverse and has so much character (I literally love every character). The writing is beautiful, and the art is absolutely stunning. It's the team's first game, but you wouldn't know it from how polished, immersive, and breathtaking the demo is! Please consider supporting the team, whether it's playing the game or backing the Kickstarter. They deserve every ounce of success they get, and if you're a fan of fantasy and stunning storytelling, you will LOVE THIS GAME!!! Envy stans RISE!!!!

That's all for this month (and for the next two months.... wah.... don't forget about me everyone...)! Hope everyone stays well and warm as we enter fall, and I'll see you all in November <3 I'll miss you all dearly (I say this as if I won't still be around to answer asks), and hopefully when I return, I'll be making my debut as DR. CRESCENCE!!!! \o/

[yamigooops]

I posted 1,147 times in 2022

13 posts created (1%)

1,134 posts reblogged (99%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@bfbkg

@prettyboykatsuki

@kingkatsuki

@miggiisdumb

@orirocks

I tagged 123 of my posts in 2022

#cel saves - 59 posts

#cel screams - 41 posts

#cel suggests - 27 posts

#cel sobs - 25 posts

#bakugou x reader - 24 posts

#cel speaks - 20 posts

#bakugou katsuki - 14 posts

#cel simps - 10 posts

#soft bakugou - 8 posts

#bakugou smut - 5 posts

Longest Tag: 103 characters

#i kinda wanna replace his fingers with mine on the carb and make him take a fat fucking rip on the bong

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

I have yet to put last year’s sticker on anything bc I’m too hesitant and feel like I’ll regret it, so you best BELIEVE these popsicles ain’t goin anywhere yet… it has to be perfect because they deserve nothing left 😌💕

Thank you so much for these @birfart I literally can’t wait to hang them in my new apartment when I get it (mind you I haven’t started looking but I just graduated so it’ll happen soon hopefully lol) The prints will be front and center on my anime wall 🥰🥹✨

15 notes - Posted August 8, 2022

#4

Chapters: 1/? Fandom: 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia Rating: Mature Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Todoroki Enji | Endeavor/Reader Characters: Todoroki Enji | Endeavor, Reader Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Dragon King Endeavor, Queen Reader, Arranged Marriage, Alternate Universe - Arranged Marriage, War, Todoroki Enji | Endeavor Redemption, Soft Todoroki Enji | Endeavor Summary:

When a chance to end the 100-year-long war sits itself right at your feet in the form of a 7-foot-tall dragon king, you can't help but accept. Little did you know where you'd end up...

Hi lovelies!! So I’m writing my first ever series (though I have another in the works hehe) and I wanted to share it with you all. I’ve decided to post it to Archive Of Our Own instead of Tumblr, but I may cross post it here in the future, depending on how well it does over there. I hope you’ll all consider reading it, because I have big plans for it. Chapter 1 isn’t any nsfw, but that’s coming very soon! 

20 notes - Posted January 3, 2022

#3

Y’all Shinsou really ain’t that nice of a guy in the show, and he’s so driven by the need to prove to both himself and others that he’s not a villain that sometimes I wonder if he really wants to be where he is, or if he just feels obligated to prove that everyone’s expectations that he’ll be a villain are wrong.

It makes me kinda hurt for him bc sometimes he seems unhappy with his journey to becoming a hero, but at the beginning I thought he was just as competitive a person as Bakugou, only super cold instead of explosive. But now, high and on my third rewatch of MHA, I feel like he just feels obligated to prove everyone wrong, whether or not that is what he really wants to do with his life.

Idk, I feel like he’s a really open-for-discussion character when talking about him canonically and I kinda love that about him. If y’all have thoughts about him and his character, lemme know bc I just love this boy so much and truly think he’s severely underrated

is this opening the possibilities for a shinsou hurt/comfort fic? maybe it is maybe it isn’t I guess you’ll have to wait and see huh?

24 notes - Posted November 3, 2022

#2

Hey I know you beta’d for Gnarlypunkassbitch for Our Enigma. I noticed she’s deleted her ao3 account and her Twitter, do you know what happened or if she’s ok?

Omg yes! Ok so she DMed me before deleting and let me know that she’s had some ongoing issues with both her physical and mental health. I’ve known about them for a little while, as that is the reason she hasn’t updated the story since like February I think?

Essentially she had been feeling a tremendous amount of pressure over not having the time, energy, or inspiration to write and/or update the story. Despite readers’ support and reassurance for her to take her time and prioritize her wellbeing, as writers online we can often get caught up in the trap of thinking that just because we have a story that might be successful, which I would absolutely consider OE successful with tens of thousands of reads, we have to update on a constant schedule or our readers are going to get mad.

I know when she first started it she updated regularly, but from what I know it was supposed to end a while ago but she kept extending it bc readers wanted more. She eventually had to prioritize her well-being over the story, since she lost inspiration. And while this happened a few weeks ago, she still felt the pressure from AO3 and Twitter, so she decided that a full cleanse would be best for her.

However, we are still in contact, so she hasn’t completely vanished. I’ve emailed her in response to the DMs she sent me before leaving Twitter, and expressed my support for her to take care of herself first. She did say in the DMs that she may come back and repost the story in the future after she’s worked on herself, but that’s completely up to her. I do still have the beta read documents, and she still has the originals, so the story still exists, just not publicly right now. I was also talking with her about releasing a podfic of the story, though I hadn’t planned to even start recording it until October.

As of right now, she hasn’t responded. I emailed her on April 6th when she left, so it hasn’t been super long since then. But I expressed that she didn’t have to respond or anything if she needed a full cleanse from everything. Though I did express that I was sending her good vibes and thoughts, as well as my willingness to act as a channel for her to communicate with all the fans of OE in order to update you all on her state, as well as share your support and love for her.

I just feel so incredibly privileged to have been a part of this story, even if the work I did never got shared publicly. Because I got to become friends with a generous, kind-hearted, marvelously talented woman, while also sharpening my editing skills at the same time. Like I literally kept a cry count throughout this fuckin fic and the first read through I cried 15 times, and by the end of the beta it was up to 27. If a writer is able to make you cry even when you know what’s coming next? That’s true mastery in my opinion. So like wow. I just…. I’ll never shut up about this fic y’all. Never ever. I wish I could share the beta docs so y’all could still read it, but that would be a breach of her trust since she took it down publicly and hasn’t responded to my message yet. So I unfortunately won’t be doing that.

I’m also honored that people have come to me to ask after her. Like wowza. I’ve had numerous people do so, and I just can’t get over it. The love that has already been shown just in the past 6 days is astonishing. She impacted so many in such a profound way, and I am more than happy to act as a bridge to you all now. Though I will say that if you’d like to send her love and/or we’ll wishes that I won’t be contacting her again until she responds to me. Because we all need to respect her journey to healing, and if that means never hearing from her again, I hope you’re all willing to accept that and still wish her well.

So really all we can do now is sit together in our love for her and the story, send her positive energy in her road toward healing, and cross our fingers that she will one day bring this masterpiece back to life. But the decision is completely up to her, and I hope you’ll all support her just as much as I do. Keep an eye out for her possible return, maybe check like once every month or two. I will also make an announcement if she does return, so let’s do what we can right now to get her those good, healing vibes 🥰🥲

Below are my true feelings regarding the (hopefully temporary) loss of this absolutely incredible writer and friend:

See the full post

64 notes - Posted April 12, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

good luck charm

synopsis: when you decide to get a little cheeky and put on a cute cowboy’s hat you get a lot more than you bargained for

warnings: strangers to lovers, slight size kink, overstimulation, multiple orgasms, unprotected sex, Katsuki’s a playful bastard (if there are any I’m missing let me know lmao)

length: 9.7k

inspired by an ask submitted to @kingkatsuki by @thecowboykatsuki-anon and featuring art based on the same idea by @jozstanko-art​ we’re all just whipped by this fucker and want to put his hat on and have him fuck us silly

Rodeos weren’t particularly your thing, considering you had grown up in the suburbs your entire life. College had introduced you to people who had grown up with lifestyles contrary to your own, including your best friend Mina, who had grown up in a small rural town. Where she had grown up everyone knew each other, and things like farms and town fairs and rodeos were commonplace among the population.

So, when she invited you to one of said rodeos after your junior year had ended you were intrigued enough to oblige. She had told you about them for the past three years, and you were somewhat curious after all the hype she had placed on them. So about two weeks after the semester ended you found yourself in her hometown. It was a small town, with a main street that consisted of about three blocks of bars and independent shops that provided everything from boutiques to ice cream parlors.

As the day approached dusk on your summer vacation you found yourself at the main fairgrounds for the (apparently monthly) rodeo and trying not to entirely mentally check out. You genuinely had no idea what was going on, despite the fact that Mina had spent the hour and a half drive from your university apartment to her childhood home explaining everything that happened at a rodeo. All you could grasp was that there were three events and which ones her friends competed in. One competed in two, while another competed in the other.

The third friend competed in all three events and was recognized area-wide as exemplary in all of them, and by the way Mina described this man he was incredibly attractive. So, you spent your free time on the drive imagining how this man looked. You only knew he had blonde, spiky hair, red eyes, and a near permanent scowl. However, considering he participated in all three of these events you had to assume he was in peak physical condition. Something about Mina’s description of him made your stomach flutter.

As she pulled into the parking lot of the arena you realized just how popular this event was. It seemed as though every person in town was here, and the parking had spilled over from the actual lot onto the field surrounding it. Once you had parked in the closest possible spot, you and Mina made your way over to the competitors’ area.

Since she knew so many of the participants the two of you were permitted past the gate reading “Competitors and staff only.” She led you through a light crowd of men and women, many of whom were decked out in full cowboy regalia. There was also the occasional horse, bull, or steer being led to their pens to await their turn on the arena floor.

Coming to a pair of young men, Mina bounced on the balls of her feet and tapped a red-haired man on the shoulder. He turned around questioningly before lighting up at the sight of your best friend.

“Well look who finally made it,” boomed the man. He towered over you, absolutely built but attractive in a big puppy kind of way. His smile was infectious, and as he pulled Mina into a bear hug, you found yourself smiling as well.

“Eiji, I missed you so much!” Mina practically jumped onto her friend, her arms clinging around his neck. So, this must have been Kirishima. Now that you heard his name you could recall several stories Mina had shared with you about the red-haired giant. She had also shared with you, in confidence of course, that she’d had the biggest crush on him since middle school, but never worked up the courage to ask him out.

“Missed you too,” he murmured, his face buried in her neck. If you didn’t know any better, it would have looked like the two were already dating. The thought had you chuckling, as it was quite obvious that Kirishima felt the same way about Mina. You supposed it was probably easier to see as an outsider.

“God, get a room, will ya?” came a gruff voice from behind the pair. You shifted your attention from the closeted lovers before you to the man standing just behind them. Sure enough, based on Mina’s description of him, you assumed it was Bakugou Katsuki. Only he was so much more attractive than you had expected. His garnet eyes were piercing as they moved from Kirishima and Mina over to rest on you, and you found yourself blushing and looking away under his intense gaze. “And who are you?”

“Oh, guys this is my best friend and roommate Y/N,” Mina supplied, releasing Kirishima from the chokehold she had him in and moving back to your side to prompt you forward. “She finally agreed to come see you guys compete!”

“Wow, that’s awesome. Thank you so much, and it’s nice to meet ya,” grinned Kirishima as he held out his hand to shake yours. He was the picture of gentlemanly perfection, and you found yourself instantly drawn toward him.

“Absolutely, I figured I should come see what all the hype is after this one talked it up so much for three years,” you chuckled and gestured toward your pink-haired friend. “She talks about you guys all the time.”

“Better be good things,” grumbled Bakugou, crossing his arms over his chest. The action had his black, green and red plaid shirt pulling tight over his biceps and chest, drawing your attention to the rest of his physique. His thighs were massive, though you supposed that was from years of training to ride bucking animals. His leather chaps had imagery of explosions down the sides, and flared out at the ends along with his dark jeans to accommodate his leather cowboy boots. Atop his head sat a well-loved black cowboy hat, beneath which his spikes of ash blonde hair peeked.

“Oh, only the best. I hear that you guys are some of the best riders around,” you nodded. His slight scowl didn’t budge, and in that moment, you decided you’d make it your goal to get him to smile by the end of the night.

“Aww, thank you Mina,” Kirishima crooned, throwing his arm around the smaller girl.

“Of course, I’d say good things, ya doofus. You guys are my best friends.” Mina’s cheeks were darkening from the proximity to the “love of her life,” as she had put it so many times. 

You chuckled, watching as the childhood friends caught up with one another. There were two more that joined, named Sero and Denki, and as the conversation continued and the crowd shifted, you found yourself shoulder-to-shoulder with Bakugou after a while. You chimed in every once in a while, but mainly let Mina catch up with her friends. Bakugou seemed to have a similar approach to the conversation, watching as Mina and Kirishima cluelessly flirted and teased one another. 

“Are they always this oblivious?” You kept your words quiet as you directed them toward the blonde beside you.

“Those two have been doing this shit for years,” he sighed. “We keep tryin’ to get em together, tell them that they’re into each other, but they’re about as dense as two blocks of concrete.”

You snorted, “Must be exhausting having to watch that for so many years.”

“You ain’t got a clue.” He let out a puff of air through his nose, and when you peeked up at him through your lashes, you realized it was a chuckle. There was a shadow of a smile on his lips, and you felt your chest glow with pride at having gotten even that out of the stoic man.

“You should smile more,” you said teasingly, bumping your shoulder against his, though it was admittedly more against his bicep than anything.

“That a command, little missy?” He turned those burning eyes on you once again, and you felt something tighten deep within you. Feeling a surge of confidence roll through you as you captured his attention, you reached up and plucked his hat off his head before plopping it down on your own. It was warm and smelled like his shampoo, something deep and spicy. His lips slowly slid into a sly grin as you tilted your head back slightly more than before to be able to see him under the brim of it.

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2,759 notes - Posted October 29, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[applepawbot]

Raves and Reviews for A Starless Clan

I just finished up my journey since June to reread the entire series, finishing up with A Starless Clan #2: Sky! I was lucky to get it delivered early from Indigo, and I've got to say, the newest arc is shaping up to be juicy. Spoilers under the cut!

So, I will admit I haven't fully read through River and Sky. Once I finished TBC, my uni semester started up, and I've been a bit busy. However: Nightheart is one angsty boy. I feel like it's a bit crass of Bramblestar to have named him Flameheart, initially, because we all know how he struggled with being named Brambleclaw. This whole series has revisited the concept of legacy and familial burden a lot through the years, and I just thought Bramblestar would've had more sympathy for poor Flamepaw. I guess not.

I was a bit taken aback by the Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde transformation we see Finchlight go through. In River, she'd been defending Nightheart at his warrior ceremony for rejecting the name, and in the first few chapters of Sky does a complete 180 and starts belittling him. Way to be a supportive sister!

Something I have noticed, though, as I've been in the business of naming cats for 4 years, is we're getting up there with -heart suffixes all around. We have Brightheart, Cinderheart, Lilyheart, Alderheart, and now Nightheart. I already thought having Cinderheart and Lilyheart as sisters with the same suffix was... interesting, it wasn't totally brand new, we'd seen it with Bluefur and Snowfur way back when. But it can start to get confusing, with the sheer number of dialogue-less background characters. Not to even mention the other Clan cats with -heart names: Berryheart and Grassheart of ShadowClan, Blossomheart of SkyClan, and Breezeheart of RiverClan. Don't get me started on the number of cats with -tail suffixes.

Can we appreciate for a second how cute the names Finchlight and Sunbeam are? My middle school oc-creating self is dying of happiness.

In Sky, I was surprised by the ending, when Nightheart asked to join ShadowClan and become Sunbeam's mate. I saw that coming a mile away, but I didn't think the Erins would do something so easily predictable. In this house we dislike Blazefire.

Imo, it's not Lightleap's fault that Blazefire chose her over Sunbeam, but she could be less... snotty about it. In Sunbeam's chapters when they're first travelling to the twoleg nest for catmint, some of her internal monologue is downright snotty too. These cats need therapy.

Frostpaw my beloved. I know Mothwing doesn't believe in StarClan but it isn't fair to put all that on Frostpaw's shoulders. All this "oh we can't let the other Clans know we're weak. We must be strong" garbage is too much for an apprentice to handle. It's okay to admit you need help, RiverClan. My god.

I hope Frostpaw's full name is Frostwillow, in honour of Willowshine, and cause Frostwillow sounds banger. Here are my thoughts:

Frostshimmer/glimmer (a bit out there for Warriors, even though we've had names like Ambermoon and Billystorm)

Any suffix starting with s, -shiver, -stone, -storm, etc (the sts sound can be a bit hard to pronounce)

Frostpebble (sounds super cute but unlikely)

Frostbite (imagine the pun potential)

Frostfern (sounds super cool but I doubt it as we have two living cats with the Fern prefix, Fernsong and Fernstripe of ThunderClan, and one cat with the -fern suffix, Fallowfern of SkyClan)

Frostfur (SEVERELY DOUBT they would do this, but we've had cats with the same names before, ie Ashfur of ShadowClan vs Ashfur of ThunderClan, Larksong I and Larksong II, both of ThunderClan, but the former being an elder in Bluestar's Prophecy and the latter being Sparkpelt's mate)

I can make some more of these analysis posts if they're your thing, let me know!

[this-is-mdness]

sending you positive vibes and good luck for your interview tomorrow 🤗🤗 I've been rooting for you since your med school app days and now I can't wait to see you succeed in residency!!!

Oh my gosh, this is so sweet. Thank you!! I'm incredibly nervous right now so I really appreciate the good vibes and well wishes!

Also can't believe you have been here since the start?? I have grown so much over these last 4 years (holy moly how has it been that long). Thank you for sharing this journey with me and supporting me from the sidelines.

[eagles-translated]

Answering Eagles questions before the season 3 finale (Part 2/2)

I've received a bunch of questions since 3x08 and 3x09 dropped, so I compiled all the questions into two posts. I had to split them up because Tumblr only allows 10 images per post. Anyway, keep reading to see my answers and enjoy! 👇

There might be some kind of collaboration between Amie and Ludde like last season—we have only heard snippets of Ludde's song submission to the music school and it wouldn't surprise me if we saw Amie perform the song in its entirety in the last episode. I touched on this a little in part 1 of answering these questions.

It seems like Amie singing at the end of the season has become kind of a recurring theme. She performed “Follow” in 1x08 and “Second Sight” in 2x10 (on the radio, but my point still stands). I wouldn’t be surprised if they followed this trend by having Amie perform a new song in the season 3 finale.

I'm not sure if she'll recommend Ludde to the record label, though. I honestly still feel like Amie's whole storyline with sending in a rather basic demo written by two teenagers with little to no experience and then getting praised on it with comments such as "it's going to be a real summer hit" felt so unrealistic to me. Maybe they only said that so Amie would accept their offer or something, but that's still very strange because she would have still said yes without a doubt.

I can understand that they thought Amie was marketable as a person and there was this bonus with her having gone viral before on Felicia's Instagram, but that demo did not seem good enough for me to be immediately released as a single and then have them decide on the spot that Amie would be given a contract.

I mean, come on. It never felt earned because we never really saw Amie struggling with her songwriting journey to achieve this dream. Sending in one demo to one record label and having them immediately want to make a whole album with you just doesn't happen in real life unless the song is extremely good or you have a very unique voice. Amie is really talented but there are hundreds of people just like her, if not thousands. I was never convinced by her getting signed so quickly in season 2.

I understand that they wanted to establish her as a successful artist, but that felt so rushed. I was so sure that the record label would screw her over and steal the song rights to record it with another artist who was already established, and that we'd have to see Amie work even harder to achieve her dreams. But we didn't get that at all. Where was the struggle?

Anyway, I'm getting a little off-topic here. To be honest I have a lot of problems with the writing sometimes, even if I still love the show and its characters. Of course I wanted to see Amie achieve success (and I was happy when she did), but the journey there was so bizarrely easy.

She didn't start to seriously work on making her music career become a reality until season 2. Amie had dabbled in music prior to that, like when she auditioned for the school band and did that performance of Follow, but she didn't truly start to work towards it until season 2 when she decided to have her work sent to professionals in the business. And then, just five episodes later, she gets contacted by the record label in Stockholm.

To put this into context—season 2 took place somewhere around March, and episode 5 around three weeks into April. So when Ludde first started helping Amie it took less than two months for her to get signed. You could argue that the song was just that good or that Amie is just that talented, but it never felt like a realistic storyline to me.

So, back to your question! I need to stop getting so sidetracked while answering these haha. I don't think it would be realistic for the record label to hire a teenager with no professional songwriting experience, likely a very small portfolio of his own work in both size and variety, having a criminal record, and on top of that being infamous in the press for abusing his ex-girlfriend. If Amie offered the ultimatum to her label that she'll only return with Ludde, who has an incredibly bad reputation right now, it feels like she would be running the risk of losing the contract entirely.

There's only so much her label can put up with. We've seen Amie ignore their calls with no intention of reassuring them that she's coming back soon. Honestly, with the way things are looking right now it makes the most sense for the contract to be dropped. By Amie or by the label, I don't know.

The episode description for the season finale says that Ludde will get some sort of justice and it could be about his music (or something related to whatever Andreas is doing).

I believe Amie will be doing a live performance of Ludde's song at a New Year's Eve party in episode 10 but I doubt that Ludde will be picked up as a producer. If he actually does I would find that to be a very unrealistic plot point, to be completely honest with you.

This is an issue I had with 3x08 and 3x09 as well. I had a hard time actually enjoying the moment between Felicia, Klara, and Amie knowing that her family was getting increasingly worried for her and even thought for a short moment that Felicia was lying dead at the bottom of the ocean. All that could've been avoided.

To add, it didn't make a lot of sense to me that when Klara finally decided to call someone she called Amie instead of Elias. An ex-friend of Felicia's instead of her brother who could've helped a lot more. What was Amie supposed to do when she showed up at the hotel, exactly?

I know there was the thing with Klara only knowing Amie's number off the top of her head, but there is no reason why she couldn't have gone down to the reception while Felicia was sleeping and asked to use a computer just to get a quick message to Elias. Like, "hey, Felicia attempted something bad but she's safe with me, we're at this hotel in this room but she didn't want me to call anybody, I don't know what to do". That would've been so much better than keeping quiet about the situation for nearly 24 hours.

I know that Klara probably has trauma from leaving her dad at the hospital after his suicide attempt and that she probably didn't want to go against Felicia's wishes. I understand the first part 100%. But Felicia was in a very bad place emotionally and was thinking that her whole family hated her when that wasn't the case. I feel like in a situation like that you kind of have to be the bad guy just to ensure the family that Felicia was safe. Even if everything turned out alright in the end, it could've gone so much worse if Felicia had wanted to be kept hidden for longer.

The ending of 3x08 was super tough to watch and I can't imagine the feeling of thinking your only daughter/sister drowned herself after you just yelled at her and showed no support. Klara couldn't have known any of this, but I feel like she should've at least contacted Elias if she wasn't taking Felicia to a hospital.

Elias calling Amie would've been an easy solution to this whole debacle but we would've lost the drama. It's still somewhat of a plot hole though, like you said.

Thank you for reading that whole post @detectivejulesohara!

The clip you're referring to was posted on Yandeh Sallah's Instagram account, so not in a trailer for this season.

I think that was either just fanservice or it will appear in season 4 since it was posted in May of this year, and I believe the filming of season 3 had already wrapped by then.

It might indicate that Elias and Amie will be a couple by season 4 (this actually seems very likely regardless if this is actually part of a scene or not).

I think Elias is getting increasingly frustrated with hockey and the fact that he doesn't really have any other ambitions to strive for. He was raised with nothing but hockey surrounding him and it's in his blood. Elias got drafted to the US at around the same age as Mats, but Elias left after a year because he just wasn't progressing.

That must feel like a huge step back, and on top of that Mats was probably thriving in his successful career around the age that Elias is now. It's a tough difference in success to have weighing on your shoulders when you're in a team that's second to last in the rankings.

There's even the accusation in the press that Mats paid for Elias to advance in the rankings, and I'm sure that's going to affect his career negatively.

I think Elias overworking himself could also be the result of him feeling like he has to prove that returning to Eagles—a small club that is probably having their worst season ever—was in fact the right choice and not the death of his elite hockey career. That choice was very questionable from the very start and his agent advised against it. Even Mats found it strange. Elias said that he didn't really have a choice most likely because of the clause in his contract, but then he also claims to Mats that things just turned out that way.

Ludde: You don’t regret coming back [to Eagles]? Elias: I didn’t really have a choice.

The idea that he didn't have a choice in the matter doesn't seem accurate. His agent told him there were other alternatives like Jokerit (a professional ice hockey team based in Helsinki, Finland) and that they could find something better than Eagles. Elias seemed kind of defeated already and the decision to return to Eagles didn't feel thought-through at all. It's almost like he just didn't care.

Agent: [...] Jokerit has called and I’ve had a great conversation with them, so they’re on. Elias: You know what? Let’s skip all the trouble. Let’s go with Eagles, it’ll be great. Agent: What? Elias: I’m so tired of moving all the time anyway, plus I’ll be close to my family. Agent: Wait, I thought that you— Eagles has big economical problems, and… Sorry, but their season started awfully. We can get a better team. You understand, right? Elias: Yeah, but we can’t get a team that needs me as much. Plus— If they say they want to see development, I’ll give them that. Agent: Wait— They’re under the line. We’re talking about qualifying down directly. You can’t in earnest believe you’ll change that on your own. Elias: It’s perfect. I’ll only go up, as you like to say.

It also seems like he's maybe realizing that hockey isn't everything and that there are other things he might want to explore and pursue in his life. I think Elias is feeling kind of stuck right now. He's been training his whole life for one purpose which is a professional career in hockey, and maybe he feels like Mats wouldn't allow him to quit. That option doesn't exist to him.

Like you said, Mats had that comment where he labeled Ludde a "quitter" and Elias stressed the fact that there shouldn't be anything wrong with losing interest and deciding to pursue something else.

Mats: Can you imagine that he’s just quitting? I mean, I’m completely— He really didn’t strike me as a quitter. So fucking close. [...] Elias: [...] Ludde, he’s… He’s not a quitter, he’s just didn’t want it anymore. That should be fair.

However, quitting is seen as failure to Mats. Mats dropped everything when he got drafted. He left his relationship with Petra seemingly without a second thought, because hockey comes before everything for Mats. Felicia even mentioned back in season 1 how her father was just a voice in a telephone for most of her childhood. He barely had any presence in her life because he was busy with hockey.

When Klara tells Elias that he's always putting hockey first, he gets angry but he doesn't outright deny it. In fact, he kind of changes the subject to shift attention away from Klara's claim.

Klara: This— You haven’t changed at all. You’re always putting yourself first. Elias: Excuse me? Klara: Yes, it’s either you or hockey. Elias: Stop! What the— Klara: I can’t take this. Elias: Are you leaving now? I wasn’t the only one you dumped. You’ve been acting like shit to Felicia. Yeah, and Amie and Ludde too, for that matter. You haven’t thought about that? So don’t come here and say I’m the egoist.

This is kind of an interesting thought—that maybe Elias subconsciously knew that was Klara is saying is true to some degree and that he has been putting hockey first. He decided to get on the train to the draft combine in Seattle instead of staying with Klara, and a year later he realizes that things didn't turn out the way that he'd planned and he returns to Eagles.

Maybe Elias is trying so hard to be someone who he just isn't, and it's affecting so many aspects of his life negatively. He lost Klara, he had to repeat almost his whole last year in high school because of moving to the US, and now he seems to be stuck in Oskarshamn. He's previously expressed to Amie that this isn't necessarily where he wanted to end up.

Elias: [...] Hey, is it just me or is there something about this town that… It sort of feels like no matter how much you try to get away, it… It pulls you back somehow.

It's kind of strange that he doesn't want to be in Oskarshamn, and yet he was the one who chose to return. Maybe he somehow feels like he has some purpose there because it keeps pulling him back. He just doesn't know what that purpose is.

Elias tried coming back to Eagles to turn things around for them, and they did win a game against the Capitals but that victory was later tarnished by the fight that broke out between the two teams (and to add to this, the loss of Ludde who used to be one of the star players and Klara as a sponsor). That kind of overshadowed their whole victory. Elias was very determined to do something to help and it very much feels like he needs Eagles to succeed—he needs to sort of "redeem" himself.

Elias: [...] Can I do anything? Can I go talk to— I could go talk to the sponsor. Mats: Let’s deal with it later. I’ll solve this. You have to go to school now. Elias: But we can finish talking— Mats: You can— No. Try to think of something else. Alright?

I think that Elias's desperation for Eagles to do well could absolutely lead to him eventually deciding to be a coach. He doesn't really seem to want the life that Mats had after seeing how success turned out for him—a broken family that he barely cares about because hockey occupies his mind more than caring for his children or repairing the relationship with Leila.

I think Elias being a hockey coach could suit him, but I would also love to see him exploring things outside of hockey—maybe even his interests outside of sport entirely.

I kind of agree with you on this. Klara has apologized to Felicia and been forgiven, but we've never seen her properly apologize to Amie for filming that video of her and posting it on social media. Amie and Ludde were in the wrong, yes, but that video being posted was humiliating for both of them. They had to deal with the ramifications of that for months after with the whole school judging them in silence.

To be fair, the video was posted a long time ago in the show's time frame (nearly two years ago if I'm right?) and they all kind of moved on from it. To add to this, maybe she felt it would've been kind of awkward to apologize with Felicia in the room.

Felicia was so hurt by that video being posted and I think it would feel very weird for her that Klara would apologize for posting the video when it's the sole reason Felicia found out what had been done to her. Without that video, she would've probably gone a few more months without being told what happened at the Halloween party.

I'm waiting for a Klara and Amie reconciliation in this season finale. I feel like this is something that should be discussed between just the two of them, and maybe they'll sneak in some blessing from Klara with the whole budding Elias and Amie relationship? I'd be happy with just a reconciliation, though, but I'm unsure if we'll get one. I have a feeling they'll start the season finale with a time jump and I don't know if Klara is even going to be in Oskarshamn by that time.

If we don't see them reconnecting in the season finale I will be pretty disappointed, to be honest.

Thank you! I really appreciate you too @lunawedlers (your gifsets are absolutely magical)!

This question was sent in a while ago but as season 3 had just started airing I was very excited to see the development of Elias and Amie, mostly because the director had been hinting on Twitter that something would happen between them this season. I've been really interested in them ever since 1x03 and so far the wait has been worth it.

I think all episodes have great visuals, but if I had to pick one I would probably say 3x06. All those shots of Elias and Amie on the walk through the park, the drone shots, and then the view from that bench spot were so gorgeous visually. That answer is more of a scene rather than a whole episode haha, but I think they really made the beauty of Oskarshamn stand out in those shots.

I think Amie will have some sort of performance in the final episode of a new song and that Elias will be watching her! After reading the episode description for the final episode and seeing that there will probably be some New Year's Eve party going on, I have a feeling that Amie will be performing. She's always had a performance of a new song in every season finale and this one should be no exception.

They tricked us a little in the season 3 trailer with us thinking that Elias would be at one of Amie's concerts in Stockholm, but now I'm sure that this scene fits in at the New Year's Eve party.

I think we should keep our expectations low for a kiss between Elias and Amie. They just started developing their relationship, and I like the slow pace they're going in. They're not rushing anything. I also have this feeling that their development has deliberately been so slow because they're sort of "saving the best for last".

Elias and Amie are fan favorites and their relationship has been very talked-about from the beginning. I can see the writers maybe having decided to push their relationship more towards the end of the show, which is why we haven't really gotten any Elias and Amie content until now. That's frustrating if you're impatient and I've seen some people thinking that maybe Elias and Amie won't happen at all, but I don't think we need to worry at all. The fact that Elias and Amie's development has been so slow should indicate that they're much more likely to be endgame.

A kiss in episode 10 could definitely happen, but I don't know. Maybe they'll drag it out further. As I've said before, if they don't get one in season 3 they will absolutely be getting one in season 4. I've noticed that it's always best to keep your expectations low when it comes to this couple.

The episode description for the season finale said this about Elias, which some have interpreted to be about Amie.

New Year’s Eve is here. [...] But is Elias brave enough to say what everyone else already knows?

This could mean anything, really. I'm actually leaning more towards this being about an individual thing rather than Amie being involved. It could be about Elias admitting that he's been overworking himself and not eating properly, or coming clean about the fact that maybe he doesn't want a career in hockey. This is something that everyone else already knows, so I think it might be about hockey.

Felicia has observed the overworking, Mats has told him to stop with it, and Ludde might've had some inkling about it while he was still on the team. Even Amie has probably also noticed that he's been spending a lot of time at the gym lately.

I could absolutely be wrong about this though.

Thank you for the question @lunawedlers!

This is a hard one because season 3 has had so many strong episodes already, and usually my favorite episode ends up being the season finale because it's basically the culmination of the whole season. I really loved 2x10 for this very reason since the ending montage was so well done.

If I had to pick between 3x01 - 3x09 though I would probably have to say it's a tie between 3x04 — Date night and 3x05 — Wounds! These two episodes showcased what Eagles should be all about so well, which is relationships plus the struggles you go through as a teenager in a small town, and then of course hockey. The hockey game episodes are really good, even if I don't think 3x05 topped 2x05 (the game where Ludde got tackled and knocked out).

I loved the contrast in Date night of the budding relationship between Elias and Amie and then that fight between Felicia and Ludde on the cliff. That whole scene between Felicia and Ludde on the cliff was actually really beautiful, especially when the sun had gone down.

It was interesting to see how this sweet gesture from Felicia turned into a fight between the two of them. I thought that was very realistic, because no matter how big of a gesture Felicia made to apologize there were still underlying problems that they needed to talk about.

I also loved the "non-date" between Elias and Amie in this episode. It was cute to see them goofing off before the movie started and then talking about it on the way home. I liked how Elias could connect to her on how they had both returned to Oskarshamn.

The recent episodes that dropped last week (3x08 and 3x09) were very strong and discussed some important subject matters, but I had a few problems with them that I discussed in a question above. They were dark, but not necessarily bad because they needed to happen.

However, I have to say that I prefer Eagles when it's about hockey and teenage relationships. 3x04 and 3x05 made me kind of nostalgic for season 1 and I liked the vibe they both had.

I agree, but I think we could maybe get a combination of both! Relationships can have all these romantic and sweet traits like you described, but also be more passionate and show public displays of affection.

I think Elias and Amie fit the more laid-back and sweet characteristics, but we have yet to really see what Amie is like in a relationship. We've seen her with a crush on Ludde and we got a glimpse of that thing she had with Robin (which was apparently a relationship but I did not pick up on that at all), but we don't really know what Amie is like in a relationship. Maybe she's never really had a "real" one, either.

Nevertheless, I'm excited to see what's in store for Elias and Amie. I'm very positive that they will eventually become a couple in season 4.

[fashournalist]

Conquering the Crown: Who Will Be The Next Miss Universe Philippines 2021?

Are you ready, Universe?

Tomorrow, the next Miss Universe Philippines will be crowned in Bohol, and I'd like to share my bets with you (as well as my thoughts on more candidates other than my Top 6. :)

But first, I have to admit I do have a bias for Cavite, Aklan, and Laguna because

1) Cavite is my birthplace and where I spent the first 16 years of my life;

2) Aklan is where my five dear brothers are from;

3) Laguna is where I spent seven eventful years as a UPLB student.

However, these biases aren't the sole reason I'm rooting for these representatives. I believe Victoria Velasquez Vincent, Leren Bautista, and Christelle Abello are really among the best candidates of this year's batch! VVV is actually my top one, followed by Katrina Dimaranan, Maureen Wroblewitz, and Ayn Bernos.

One of the smartest and most eloquent candidates of this batch, Victoria Velasquez Vincent from Cavite has emerged as the Interview Challenge winner, and rightly so. But she caught my attention even before that phase; her Runway Challenge was really impressive as well. As a heritage conservationist and architect, she's committed to solving environmental problems across the globe.

I really wish the winner would be a pure Filipino, but it so happened that VVV impressed me the most. She's half-Irish and half-Filipino, raised in New Zealand.

Now this one's a powerhouse. A pageant veteran, model, actress, and television host, I think (and thousands of others think, too) Katrina Dimaranan from Taguig is the most prepared of them all. She was appointed as USA's Miss Supranational 2018 and finished as 1st Runner Up at the world stage. She was also one of the title holders way back in Binibining Pilipinas 2012.

Kat's charming, authentic personality captivates anyone watching her or listening to her voice. You can see this through the way she nailed the challenges. And though she grew up in the US, she is a pure Filipina.

This woman needs no introduction--Maureen Wroblewitz, the winner of Asia's Next Top Model Season 5. Born in Saudi Arabia, she's a half-Filipina, half-German model and actress who is now representing Pangasinan as she fights for the crown. She has emerged as the Casting Challenge winner, but aside from that, all the results of the other challenges prove how excellent and enthralling she is as a model. Her intelligence can also be seen with every answer she delivers during Q&As.

The most inspiring candidate of all, Ayn Bernos of San Juan, proves that barriers can be broken and stereotypes can be shattered. Proudly standing at 5'3 with morena skin, Ayn represents the majority of Filipino people who are not influenced by foreign blood. I've closely followed her journey from the day she submitted her pageant application, and I'm so happy for her every step of the way. Her millions of followers on TikTok surely feel the same. We feel seen, we feel represented, we feel inspired to also reach for our dreams--no matter how impossible they may seem.

Ayn is a natural Filipina beauty, and she glowed further as she embarked on the road to the crown. Her wit, intelligence, and cheerful personality radiate in every appearance she makes, whether it's an interview or a commercial special by some of MUPH's sponsors.

With enchanting eyes, a driven attitude, and several beauty pageant titles under her belt, Leren Mae Bautista of Laguna is one of the most prepared candidates to represent the nation at the Miss Universe pageant this December.

I started knowing her through the tarpaulins in LB eight years ago. I was still in college, and Leren just won the crown of Miss Los Banos. She conquered the Binibining Laguna title as well. Since then, I knew this classic Filipina beauty and brain would one day captivate the world. Years later, she has placed as a 2nd Runner Up in Miss Globe 2019 and won in other pageants, too. Today, she's aiming for the universe and we all know she's ready.

Armed with an unstoppable grit, this dreamer put her life in the US on pause to once again fight for the crown of Miss Universe. Christelle Abello of Aklan has placed in the top 16 of last year's MUPH, and she has come back stronger this time around. Though she wasn't part of the Top 7 in the Interview Challenge, I think she's one of the most fluent and confident candidates.

Although she was born in America, she embodies the beauty of a real Filipina. I have to mention that I'm not a fan of her evening gown's design, but she still carried it well.

So there, now you know my Top 6! :) They've been my Top 6 for several weeks now, but this doesn't mean I'm not impressed by other candidates.

Michele Angela Okol of Siargao Island nailed the Preliminary Interviews! I haven't watched all the interviews since the KTX pass is just too expensive for me, but I was able to see a few on YouTube. And of them all, Michele's answers were the best. She was certain with her answers. Ingrid "Sam" Santamaria of Paranaque and Chela Grace Falconer of Misamis Oriental are some of the smartest and most fluent candidates as well. Sam placed second in the Interview Challenge.

The Filipina beauty of Janela Cuaton of Albay, Maria Corazon Abalos of Mandaluyong, Mirjan Hipolito of Angeles City, Simone Nadine Bornilla of Marinduque, and Princess Krista Singh of Pasig are some of the most outstanding in their batch. But I think the most outstanding beauty of all, is Jasmine Umali of Manila. She's like a living Mulan, or Barbie. And all these phenomenal women are smart and graceful, too!

Anyhow, if Gianne Asuncion of Cagayan Province wasn't diagnosed with COVID-19, for sure she would make it here and she'd be one of my bets. I hope she comes back next year, same with Maica Cabling Martinez of Nueva Ecija, who didn't make it in this year's Top 30.

You might be wondering why I haven't mentioned Steffi Rose Aberasturi of Cebu Province yet.

Honestly, I can't deny she's gorgeous from head to toe, well-prepared, talented, and confident, but I just cannot stomach supporting someone who supports Rodrigo Duterte. If she wins tomorrow, I will not bash her--I can see why she's one of the frontrunners--but I just cannot see myself rooting for her because of her political stance :( If she was not a DDS though, she would easily be one of my top bets, maybe my top 4 or top 5.

Steffi carries every outfit effortlessly, and her beauty can go from sweet and endearing to regal and fierce. I wish, before the national elections, her eyes would be opened to the atrocities of Duterte's war on drugs. (I also find Bea Luigi Gomez beautiful, but she said during the preliminary interview that the government is doing well. So, I'm afraid she might be a DDS, too. I hope not)

I know, people tell us to separate the pageant from political views, but the thing is, when a DDS gains more influence, they can influence voters to support Duterte, too. That's a real danger our country can no longer afford.

As for Kisses Delavin of Masbate, I'm inspired by her drive to pursue her dreams, not letting bashers stop her. But I just cannot see her wearing the crown, sorry :( I'm not a basher, I acknowledge she is beautiful, sweet, talented, kind, and smart. But I just don't see the fierce, palaban aura that we all need in a Miss Universe candidate. Never thought being baby-faced could be a disadvantage.

But anyway, if Ayn is slaying while breaking barriers and stereotypes, why can't Kisses, right? Kisses did well in every interview she handled. Although, I really didn't like her runway challenge where her hands were stuck on her waist. Good thing her walk improved in the swimsuit competition. Despite getting bashed and doubted, she fights with courage and passion, and that's something we can all learn from--whether we're part of Kissables or not.

Who will win tomorrow? I just can't wait to find out :)

I really wish I have the budget for a KTX pass so I could watch the coronation night in real-time. Sigh. That's 600 pesos! I'd rather spend it on samgyup. HAHA my love for food beats my love for pageants, even when I once dreamt to be Miss Universe myself lol.

How about you, guys? Who are your favorites? Who are your bets? Comment down below :) (wow youtube lang? haha)

Regardless of who wins, let's support her way to the crown. :) Go, proudly raise the Philippine flag, Miss Universe PH 2021!

PS. Photos came from Miss Universe Philippines' page, Philippine Star, and PeoPlaid. And I thank MS Paint because that's where I combined some of the photos haha.

[hoaxexistence]

How I Met Your Mother.

This show inhabit a special place in my heart, and that is why my first show review here will be about it. The most controversial ending in the 21st century television. I'll start. Spoilers alert obviously.

Season 1 - We were introduced to this life of Ted Mosby. We got to know his friends, Lily, Barney, his best friend Marshall, and Robin. In this season, the audience's sympathy and feelings were with Ted. The feeling of finding someone to love and to have their feelings reciprocated equally. At some point, we were all Ted - stupid, indecisive, hopeless romantic. He's smart, supportive and loving and we saw that in the first season.

Season 2 - Since Ted is stupid, he cheated on someone for someone who isn't sure with him. Yes, last season, he cheated on Victoria for Robin. Crazy. Still, he's a great friend anyone could ask for. He never leave Marshall when Lily left and supported his sadness. In this season, I saw Barney's heart. He is more than a womanizer that he always wanted to portray. He does care. Takeaway in this season, I realized that love is something that most people search and never find that's why when you find that person you feel like you want to spend your life with, you do something about it and you keep them. Lily and Marshall proves that. And that it's not bad to chase your dreams as long you know how to weigh things. And art is life.

Season 3 - "it's funny how sometimes you just find things." In this season, Lily and Marshall started to build their own life by owning their own house (kinda redundant but who cares?). Ted, who still believe in love, dated again. Robin tried to live her life in the way she thinks suits her. The takeaway in this season is that when you have a dream, you gotta hold on to them. It can be hard, there will be obstacles along the way and we should face them because those can be the path that can lead us to where we supposed to be. Risking is not that scary if you know you got the right people with you.

Season 4 - Finding your purpose. I'm not one to talk about this topic because I personally have no idea about mine. But in this season, I felt the same way with Ted (I totally relate to him and I hate it) about what he wanted to do. It was a bumpy road for the gang in terms of their personal life and career, but in the end, Ted decided to teach (damn it, just to be clear, I never wanted to be a teacher, oh fvck, what if I end up like him?) Anyway, season takeaway: if you feel like you do not fit in to something, probably, you have to leave. Some things may be waiting for you to discover and you just haven't found it yet because you're stuck trying to push yourself into something you're not for. And you may be doing other people a favor by doing so.

Season 5 - "You can ask the universe for signs all you want. But ultimately we only see what we want to see, when we're ready to see it." A good season. Lily and Marshall's character were growing. Barney, kept his awesome self but his character keeps on showing softness which can be visible every now and then. Robin, well I personally don't like her (probably because I see myself in her, dammit) Ted, on the other hand, never stop believing in love tho he did doubt it when Stella left him at the altar and in some parts at season 2. But he's Ted Mosby, he'll start believing again. My personal favourite episode in this season I think, is 'the last cigarette ever', I don't know, I just love the friendship that was shown on that episode. Anyway, season takeaway: when you ask for a sign, that's already a sign. And you can't force your way out into something because you got to deal with them at some point.

Season 6 - "Sometimes things need to fall apart to make way for better things" yea that's the exact quote but I like to say it this way: some things fall apart so that better things can fall together. Same thought but better right? Yea, whatever. Lol. This season is full of emotions. Like a lot of emotions. I can say that the writers really outdid themselves. Marshall's father died, which I never saw coming. And tell you what, I've seen the show four times and I still cry on that scene. And Barney, he met his dad, and that scene on his dad's court, that broke me. Neil's acting was superb. Season takeaway: forgive people. Forgive yourself. Enjoy the little things. Appreciate each moment. Cherish the people who make you feel loved. Never hurt other people intentionally and make wise decisions. That's quite hard, but I guess doable.

Season 7 - "Not because something needs to be said, does it mean it needs to be heard." I don't know why I chose this quote for this season but I just did, so. Anyway, this is a good season, I loved this season, tbh. Lily gave birth to their son, Marvin. New beginnings, but Ted, somehow was still unable to settle his feelings. (I don't want to elaborate, just watch the damn show) And I hate him for being so dumb. There's this episode entitled, 'symphony of illumination' and 'tick, tick, tick' yea, those bummed me. I love how those episodes tugged my heart.

Shoot, two more seasons. Lol. Okay, FYI, it has been more than a year since I last saw the show, so everything I wrote here is based on memory and a little bit of help from ecosia so that I don't misquote them. Lol. Continue.

Season 8 - oh! this season, one of the best. The most elaborate proposal that I have ever seen. It was a blessing to the people. Jk. But, that proposal was so perfect I freakin cried. In this same season, Ted had a very touching imagination. He looked for his wife. He gave the lines - which I memorized, and told what he felt at that time and I just bawled like a baby the whole scene. It was perfectly sad and heart tugging. It was a premonition that I didn't see coming. Season takeaway: trust is important.

Season 9 - The season where most of the people were left unsatisfied. This whole freakin season revolved around Barney and Robin’s wedding. Yes, that was basically it. Jk. In this season they build up Barney and Robin’s love and then they give us the mother. It was great. Up until the last two episodes. The writers failed me. The love that they built up ended up with divorce. WTF ryt. Then the mother died. And that montage scene of her and Ted together, ugh I had nothing else to do but to let my tears flow. It was heartbreaking. Takeaway: things may not always go according to plan, life goes on and we move forward.

All in all. I was disappointed. The writers tried. And I salute them for trying and giving the audience a streched and realistic ending. Just like what I said before, It's not the destination, it's the journey. And still I love the show, all its plothole, all its bad side, all the inconsistencies, and all its flaws. I've learned a lot of lessons from it. The show has a lot of quotable life quotes. I discovered beautiful songs (the ost is superb). Discovered new shows. And it taught me how to appreciate life more. And for that I am so thankful. Here's a final quote, tho I'm still not fully confident with this:

"Because sometimes even if you know how something’s gonna end, that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy the ride."

[m1serere-n0bis]

Anyways. I don't care what the rest of you all have been doing during this but I have been trying to listen better and pray more.

For those of you who don't think that's "enough"... Sorry but I don't owe public opinion shit. The only person I owe an explanation to is God. I don't owe anyone information on what I'm doing in private. I don't owe anyone information on what I am/am not supporting financially or otherwise. If your personal opinion is that I'm not making adequate use of my voice or platform then that's rough buddy, but my voice is not the one that needs to be heard right now and also what platform? As a society hyperfocused on social media ESPECIALLY NOW DURING THIS PANDEMIC we have to come to terms that we all have lives outside of it and we don't "owe" each other ANY information about that in spite of what our culture tells us. Like if this is what "community-based policing" means, I can already tell you I hate it and it's oppressive.

For those of you who think this is a political power play, I would say those concerns are valid but there IS a REAL problem that will still be there when all the political pandering and posturing is done. And we need to fix it. Part of the reason I haven't been hyping what everyone has been telling me to hype in the name of activism is pretty much this:

Do I think it honestly matters which political party is in charge for changes to happen? No, because I do not trust the SAME GOVERNMENT BACKING THE POLICE to take the money THAT IS STILL TECHNICALLY IN THEIR POSSESSION and funnel it into the communities that need it in any way that will actually address the racism inherent in the system. HOWEVER, that doesn't stop me from listening to what my brothers and sisters in Christ are telling me are their experiences not just in a society that is supposed to have progressed past racism but in the BODY OF CHRIST itself. Because it's there, everyone. Yes, it's not overt. Yes, not everyone is actively engaging in it but if we are truly One Body then we owe it to each other to make reparations for sins that aren't ours. It's what we've been doing for the child abuse scandals, is it not? The majority of us were not involved but do we not still carry the burden of that sin simply because we're Catholic, because one part of the One Body committed this massive hurt?

So anyway. The goal of this post is not to make anyone feel bad and it is not an invitation for people to pile on me because I haven't vocally supported x, y, z. This is an invitation to listen and to pray... which should always be the first step, EVEN WHEN THERE IS AN IMMEDIATE NEED FOR ACTION. (Maybe ESPECIALLY when there's an immediate need for action.) And holy shit are we not good at that or what? 😂

1) Fr. Mike Schmitz' homily this week was an invitation for us to listen to God and let Him tell us who He is because only by doing that can we see the image and likeness of God in each other. We've lost that in our wishy-washy prayer lives that inevitably end up with us trying to force God into an earthly construction in which He doesn't belong. We try to tell God who He is because the world is too noisy for us to hear Him tell us about Himself. And that inevitably trickles down into us trying to force each other into boxes before recognizing the human dignity instilled by God in all of us. The internet feeds into that by making us faceless virtual entities, thus making it that much more difficult to recognize our humanity. I can read faceless stats for days but if I don't have ANY CONTEXTUAL IDEA where those numbers are coming from, they're empty. They're easily manipulated into whatever whoever is selling me them wants me to think of them if I don't have someone LIVING THOSE STATISTICS giving me context. Right now the media wants us to feed on the controversy surrounding BLM movement without telling us that these communities have been MARCHING IN THEIR COMMUNITIES FOR YEARS AGAINST THE VIOLENCE THEY INFLICT ON THEMSELVES and it is the same media blackout as any March for Life. The media doesn't care unless they have drama they can use to stoke more division and that's the tea.

2) Fr. Josh Johnson is on fire right now, everyone. Like him and Chika Anyanwu are two voices I wasn't listening to before that I'm thankful to be hearing now. If you're wondering how God can be good even in the midst of chaos, turmoil, and pain, this is it. If you're struggling to separate the Black Lives Matter Organization from the heart of the issue, this is how God is doing that. The Church needs to hear these voices. They have real experiences to share. They are part of the Body of Christ, and they are really hurting through these thousands of small cuts.

I would recommend listening to the Jeff Cavins Show episode Distance Amplifies Difference where he has a conversation with Fr. Josh. They both have tremendously unique WORDLY perspectives to bring to the table on the issue (Jeff Cavins is a white man but has children who are black and they live in Minnesota and are literally witnessing the heart of this first hand in the trenches, and Fr. Josh is the son of a black former chief of police) but ultimately discuss how we as a Church can work towards fixing it.

Fr. Josh and Fr. Mike's dialogue on Ascension Presents is also really top notch. I still have to finish watching it, though. 😅

I can't believe I wasn't following Chika before because as another single Catholic woman, I feel like I've found a sister in Christ experiencing the same ups and downs of Catholic singlehood (her Instagram Highlight was like HILARIOUS and also a truth 😂). Her family's small business got looted during the rioting but I believe they've since been able to shut down their Go Fund Me since people gave them enough support to get it back up and running. Anyways, I'm glad this amplification of black voices brought me to hers.

3) Fransican Friars of the Renewal Fr. Agostino and Fr. Pierre Toussaint discuss their hopes for the movement from their perspective as people of color and as servants of one of the poorest neighborhoods in NYC, the South Bronx. Their dynamic is great because Fr. Agostino is like a Gryffindor on fire and Fr. PT is like a soft-spoken, phlegmetic Ravenclaw. I understand that energy. 😂 (I'm also a phlegmetic Ravenclaw) One of my takeaways was Fr. Agostino's opinion that we can't just posture and leave it up to the government or orgs with ulterior political motives to make things right because he's seen firsthand how well THAT goes. However, all that means is that we as people of God have to dig in and do the work our own dang selves. They're also hopeful that this discussion of the police force being built on a foundation of racism will eventually lead to the discussion of Planned Parenthood being built on the same. They said that 42% of the pregnancies of the predominantly black and Latino population in the South Bronx end in abortion. 42%!!!!!!!!!!! If that is not a wake-up call that systemic racism is alive and well and we are abjectly failing women of color as a society Idk what is. But also their analogy that society is a MESS of a dilapidated house and we have to pick ONE place to start and stick with it if we really want to fix it up is also the truth.

4) Did y'all know about Our Lady of Kibohe? This is a Vatican-approved Marian apparition that appeared to three teenaged girls in Rwanda a little more than a decade before the genocide (which she warned them about). There is no one in Creation demons and Satan hate more than Our Lady, and there's no better weapon against them than the rosary. There has been a call from our brothers and sisters to rend our hearts and even if you don't see, think, or believe there is still racism within the Church, will you not pray for Mary and St. Michael to help continue keeping it that way, then?

Our Lady of Kibohe encouraged us to take up the practice of praying the Seven Sorrows Rosary. I tried it for the first time last week and I have to say, even with my super basic limited knowledge of black history in the United States, it was not hard to see how their suffering could easily be united to the sufferings of Christ and Our Lady.

I guess my conclusion is this: I have my own misgivings about blindly supporting any ol' cause that happens to be trending on whatever. The Black Lives Matter ORGANIZATION has a manifesto touting things that are contrary to the Catechism for SURE, but when my brothers and sisters in the Church are telling me they are in pain RIGHT NOW and saying, "Hey, listen... They're right about some things... These are the things and we've experienced it IN the Church..." then they deserve to be heard. We owe it to them to listen because they are a part of us. We need to expose these sins to the light instead of denying they exist or claiming to be past it. We ALSO need to be charitable to those in different parts of their journey. Is it FAIR to bear the burden of others' sins and make reparations for them? Heck no! But we do it. Jesus did it for us. We do it for our brothers and sisters in Purgatory. What's the difference for bearing it for our hard-hearted brothers and sisters on earth? Nobody is perfect but we all are made in the image and likeness of God and thus inherently carry human dignity.

[himetoryu]

Favorite Female Anime Characters, Part 1

It's inevitable to fall in love with certain characters especially when we can relate to their feelings and what they're going through or we just admire them for their kindness, strength, beauty, etc. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing myself in those I watch and I just can't help it. I'm into anime ever since young (if I'm not mistaken I started watching when I was five) and I still recall everything like it only happened yesterday.

And for today's special post I'm gonna share with you these ladies who brought much impact to my life (in the order of when I watched them). Enjoy your read!

1. The Priestess

InuYasha: Higurashi Kagome

Kagome is one of those kind-hearted characters you'll ever encounter. Whenever she's compared with Kikyou especially about their archery skills, priestess powers and InuYasha I can feel so much her pain. I remember clearly her scene on the well with him admitting that she can't compare with Kikyou because she's not dead, but at the same time saying "my heart is my heart (kokoro wa watashi no kokoro)". It must be hard accepting you're someone's reincarnation and if that's the case, telling everyone you're still a different person. But Kagome endured and continued her journey to fight alongside InuYasha even though during that time he wants to protect Kikyou, too (two-timer hmp). In the end she was able to fulfill her task of destroying the jewel of the four souls (shikon no tama).

As a 15-year old it must be hard for her as well to fight demons in the feudal era and go back to modern day Tokyo to fulfill her duties as a daughter and a high school student but in the end still managed everything and even graduated! So you see, she's not only kind and strong but also eager to finish her studies haha!

2. The Karate Champion

Detective Conan / Case Closed: Mouri Ran

What I admire so much about Ran is her patience for Shinichi. You see, she's always wondering where and what he is doing even though he's only under her nose. And on those moments she and Shinichi are together but he has to leave because the antidote to APTX-4869 wore off, she's always left hanging. Remember when they were in the Beika Hotel? Ran cried and even covered her ears because she's tired already of his excuses. But of course we all know Shinichi is only doing that to protect her. I'm just curious though on how and when she'll be able to fully discover his secret hehe (a lot of times Ran made suspicions but our boy is just clever).

Ran is faithful and trusts Shinichi so much. Normally when we don't hear from someone for a long time we just give up on them and forget them. But in her case the love just grows stronger. We can learn from her how to not give up on the one you really love.

Ran is also a supportive friend, we can see that clearly to Sonoko and Kazuha. And she's positive about her parents, doing her best to set them up believing that someday they'll be together. Lastly, Ran is a karate champion but she's humble. She knows that being strong is to protect and help people and she has saved Conan, Haibara and the Detective Boys a lot of times. She's everything!

3. The Flame-Haired Fiery-Eyed Hunter

Shakugan no Shana: Shana

I can't say much about Shana but the reason I included her on the list was because I remember back in high school I was obsessing over her because of her red eyes and hair (favorite color hahaha)! And she is a tsundere so it felt like I was watching myself! She's also a sword wielder (I have a thing on that and if given the chance I want to learn) and it also hypes me every time she turns from being a cute melon bread eater to a serious flame haze! Who wouldn't fall in love with these burning eyes and hair?!

4. The Celestial Mage

Fairy Tail: Lucy Heartfilia

I know a lot of fans call her useless and it really makes me sad because many don't understand that Lucy is a work-in-progress. Born from a rich family wanting the attention of her father after her mother died, meeting Natsu and being introduced to her dream guild, seeing her friends being tortured by a dark guild because her father wants her back, and bravely forgoing her luxurious life and choosing the path of being a wizard, she has been through a lot. Lucy may not come off strong like Erza and Mira Jane but we should realize that strength is not only measured in combat. Lucy is actually smart and loves to read books and don't that make someone interesting?

Lucy may not be the strongest but she's getting better and I'm convinced it's because Natsu supports and believes in her so much. Also she values everyone in the guild, even her celestial spirits, to the point that she won't give up even if beaten to death (remember what Minerva did on Grand Magic Games). Fans call her weak because she wasn't able to fight back but on the other side, she risked her life for her friends and if it's not courage for you then I don't know what is.

5. The Gangster Teacher

Gokusen: Yamaguchi Kumiko / Yankumi

Tentenenen! Tenten! Hahaha!

One of those few that I've read the manga, watched the anime and the live action because I got hyped! I've seen this back in high school but didn't finish and thought I should finally spend some time on it last year and it didn't disappoint!

So why do I love Yankumi? Because she's a silent killer until everyone found out that she's from a yakuza family lol and that always catches my attention. Also she's an understanding teacher who is always there for her students. She has been ignored and rejected a lot of times but she didn't give up. She was focused on making her students graduate on time and did everything to win their trust on finding again school a fun place to be and making memories with their classmates. It's the reason she has changed other teachers' perspectives, too, and made an impact on everyone around her.

It may be old but you should give it a try, though I highly recommend the manga and the live action because Yukie Nakama is cool (and also, don't forget your tissues).

So that's it everyone! Do we have the same favorite female characters? Share them with me, too, and I hope you enjoyed my special post for today!

04.28.2019

ctto

[thefreshfinds]

UNDERGROUND CONCERT SERIES:

To define the Underground Concerts Series as just an "event" would be an understatement. In fact for the last 4 years, it has seperated itself as a whole from the rest because of the commonality the artist & crowds share. Still, its biggest distinction is that everyone brings something different to the table. They fully believe that support goes a long way & the proof is in the pudding when you're on the outside, looking in. The atmosphere screams "underground." From it's subway inspired sign, to the lighting and close space -- it hypes one up & assures that the artist performing are the future. Every artist, even poet leaves you in awe. It's very similar to those you see on the side when hopping on the Metro, straight admirable. Because no matter what walk of life appears, they will always leave impressed and a bit more inspired. The UGCS shows that no matter what, the talent will always be surreal. But most importantly, everyone is always welcome to have a space. I was allowed to interview some awesome acts during June's second segment of UGCS. including the COO, Miss Defined and creator, King Cosmic. Which I must add made me feel apart of hip-hop's history.

1. KING COSMIC: King Cosmic self-identifies as a royal commander for the Underground Concert Series. Despite hearing "hip-hop is dead" as he was growing up, Cosmic knew that Brooklyn is the voice of hip-hop. And so he created the Underground Concert Series 5 years ago in hopes that he could shake the hip-hop world up/become apart of history. What gets Cosmic up is knowing that he has a movement behind him. He also rises because of the people who have his back. Equally important, Cosmic's biggest inspiration is his past experiences. He finds an artist's persistence the most admirable, "It takes alot to develop yourself as an artist." Cosmic adds "To see someone who can reach and dig in deep, then put that on the front stage is amazing." His word of advice to those looking to create their own event is to "..find something unique & passionate about. Don't give up." Cosmic is also a business management consultant. He loves seeing entrepreurs grow & says "What better way to help entrepreurs then to put artist in a position to win."

2. Miss Defined: An outspoken women who derives off self-worth, courage, truth & intellect -- Miss Defined self identifies as the COO of UGGS/Host/Behind the Scenes. Her journey began 4 years ago on the same stage she performed at prior to our interview at Starr Barr. VJ told her to get on stage. And even though she was reluctant, she went there anyway. Then Miss Defined went from being an audience member to joining the team, host then COO. With a vibrant, positive aura Miss Defined is also able to connect with people through poetry. She says it's been a long journey but wouldn't change a damn thing. For her, the poetry she writes always start with a song. Then in random moments, she'll have an ephiphany & say "I need to build a poem around this line." Likewise she finds their concept through her playlist. She'll mostly stumble on artist like SZA & The Weeknd. Other times, it'll base off old school melodies. Since she's a Brooklyn Girl, she finds its melting pot most admirable. "You'll find many diverse people." Miss Defined adds. Despite living under a rock, she's going to be starting a podcast which will highlight her journey, ratchetry and wild antics. Her advice to others is to work hard, "No matter how awkward, weird or stange you are, there's someone out there who loves you."

3. Rah Sauce: Rah Sauce is that rapper who gets everyone lit. Despite his party oriented persona and genre-defying music style, Rah Sauce's main goal is to bring everyone together. One who self-identifies as a MC who comes from Brooklyn & Harlem, Rah Sauce says he got trapped into music as he was growing up. Rah Sauce certainly can't listen to a song if its too mainstream or old so he's always searching for new music. Then out of the blue. he decided to make his own. Although he's been rapping for a year, Rah Sauce still has a lot of things in the works. "I want to build a community because we need a good way to reach people." Rah Sauce adds. Speaking og his community, he admires that his doesn't take B.S & will tell someone about theirselves right away. If he could change a certain aspect of music, he'd make it more lyrical and less sonic. His word of advice is to not care about anyone else's opinion. Rah Sauce is inspired by A$AP Rocky & Chief Keef. Make sure to bop to Rah Sauce's track "In The Pit."

4. Ni-Emah Bugg: A sprinkle of Erykah Badu & Jill Scott, but moreso lots of Harlem Funkadelics with Janelle Monae & Chaka Khan, Miss Ni-Emah Bugg brings the funk & soul. Her vocals are enough to pluck a heartstring, yet they also can get a crowd into the groove of things. At most, an eccentric & very passionate woman -- Ni-Emah Bugg started singing since she was out the womb. But it wasn't until she was 18 when she started to take it more seriously, "My heart has always been about singing." she goes on "There was a quote I read where the man asks the woman: why do you want to dance? and she says I dance because I need to live." and thats what singing means to me. You’re only here once so it’s best to live your dream." Likewise she gains inspiration from 70's music. She resonates with a line from an unreleased song which goes, "Never give up, never give in. Watch what happens if you keep going." "Sometimes we're afraid of the outcomes, but "what if" can be a positive thing too if we just go for it." she adds To stay positive, Ni-Emah Bugg drinks tea, says a Buddhist prayer and prays for her loved ones, even enemies. Her advice to upcoming artist is to have fun with music, sing what’s on your heart & to be fearless. "Be a little different. Embrace your uniqueness because there’s only one you. Never give up & love yourself as best as you can." Stay on the lookout for her upcoming tape called, The Green Tape.

By - Natalee Gilbert

To follow the movement go to:

1. Instagram - @undergroundconcertseries

2. Website - www.ugcs.us

[mooosicaldreamz]

(1) help! i don't know if i'm gay or not!! i don't have anyone to talk about this so im so sorry to dump it on you. you might not even answer this and that's ok bc i can't expect you to feel comfortable in answering. i won't be offended. i just need someone to read this. i read so much wlw fanfiction. i feel so comfortable being in fandoms that support wlw. when i masturbate i see myself as the guy pleasuring the girl.

(2) that line in your latest fic “animal” really stuck out to me, the one where lena was in the club and she goes “there was no disgust, only wonder.” that line is how i feel towards the lgbtq community. i have a few gay friends but i feel like im supposed to have more to be considered a “true member.” i feel like im a fraud bc i don’t dress like a gay person bc i don’t even know what that means. but i love being around women. i want to be around women for the rest of my life.

(3) i feel more comfortable around women than i do men. i’ve had a boyfriend in the past and that was not a good experience and ive been told i can’t jump to conclusions just because of one boy. i always want to kiss a girl and be with a girl but i feel like my attraction isn’t valid bc i haven’t been with a girl ever before. im so fucking shy. it sounds strange to say but i feel so goddamn ugly. too ugly for any girl to want to be with me. i just want to know that im not crazy.

(4) sorry for the spam! tl;dr, i feel in my heart of hearts that women have a special priority in my life that i just can’t put into words. i just don’t know how i fit in with the lgbtq community or if they’ll accept me, because i don’t “look” gay and i don’t have a lot of gay friends. if i want women to be my priority in life, does that make me a lesbian? gay? i like men bc sometimes they’re pretty, but that’s it. what the fuck does this mean? i’m terrified of being wrong about myself.

(5) for now i have no label for myself. i’m not straight. but i don’t even know if i’m allowed to be gay. thanks for reading. i know this was a lot. i don’t want to feel so confused anymore. i reached out to you bc i love the way you wrote lena’s journey in the “animal” fic. i feel like i have a lot of wonder for the lgbtq community as of now, but i’m dying to know if i have a place there or not.

i’m going to break down my response into little digestible numbered chunks which are hopefully somewhat helpful/reassuring

1) okay first i think i’d probably like to say that i am by no means an authority on what it means to be gay or bi or in general of the community~ so you know. don’t take me as word of god or anything.

2) you don’t have to know if you’re gay or not. when i was about 16 i started reading wlw fanfiction and realized i was like……super into it and it spiralled out from there for me. i’ve known ppl who have known they were for certain gay or bi since they were 10 and i’ve known ppl who’ve figured it out in their 20s and 30s. you don’t HAVE to know a damn thing. and it’s okay if you’re not gay too. people grow and change throughout the entirety of their lifetime and you have time to figure yourself out always and forever.

3) there are no rules to being gay (there are also no rules to being straight), so you don’t have to be a certain way ever and if anyone tells u you have to be then they’re stupid. you don’t have to dress a certain way or act a certain way to be anything. you can be you. you don’t have to fit into an exact category to be gay. you don’t have to have gay friends to be gay either. when i was working thru my major identity issues while i was a teenager, i didn’t know anyone who was gay either. there’s no rules in this way.

4) you don’t have to have been with a girl, either - theoretically, at some point, every gay woman has never been with a girl, but that doesn’t mean that who they are and how their attractions work aren’t valid. the very existence of your feelings mean that they exist and are valid. if anyone tells you you can’t be gay because you’ve never been with a girl tell me their address and i will punch them.

5) people who say that you shouldn’t base your opinion on dating dudes on one experience are stupid and are misunderstanding the root issue. if you want to date dudes, date dudes, and if you don’t, then don’t. that’s how simple it is. if you want to date women, then date them. you don’t have to have an exact label. just do you.

6) on a similar note, i can’t label you for you because that would be dickish! it sounds to me like you’re struggling with your identity and i support you exploring and understanding yourself. idk if you wanting women to be a priority in life means that you’re gay because only you can define that for yourself. ftr, i also think dudes are pretty. i would maybe date one 1 out of 10 times, but i still pretty much define myself as gay. and that’s cool. 

7) i want to address specifically your sentence "i’m terrified of being wrong about myself” because i really truly believe that no one can be wrong about themselves. you are yourself, you are the one who gets to make the rules about you and what you are and who you are going to be. you literally cannot be wrong. there are stupid ppl in this world who might tell you you have to be a certain way to be any one thing, but that is false. you can be what you are. that’s that. for real. i know i sound like a fuckin self-help book but i don’t care, it’s the facts. i understand about societal pressures and shit but when it comes to your mind and body, you are the owner of you. so you can’t be wrong about it.

8) you are super allowed to be gay. there’s no test. no one checks you at the door at pride and makes sure you fit in.

9) it’s okay to be confused. i, a person who has been pretty aware of my interests since i was 15, am still confused. you don’t have to know everything about yourself before you let yourself try something. in fact, there’s a likelihood you won’t know a damn thing until you try. i recently learned that i like red peppers! i thought for YEARS that i hated red peppers. i thought for a long time that dating a girl would be weird and uncomfortable because i thought - stupidly - that dating a girl would just be different than what love or dating was supposed to be. and it’s not. i tried it and i like it and i’m happy. but you also don’t have to like it once you try it.

10) the tldr version of my response to your questions is this: you can be you, whatever that is. you don’t have to fit a label or pass a test. it’s okay to be uncertain and anxious and confused; there are tons of people who have gone through things like what you’re going through. i’m one of them. so don’t be afraid. there is a place for you in the lgbtq community if you want a place. 

i have NO idea if that was helpful. but for real, i’m with you and support you, okay? you are valid whatever way you are. 

[gammaprimesmw]

All My Worthwhile SMW Hacks - Now on GBATemp

For those who have perhaps wondered where the SMW in my screen name comes from, it comes from my long history in the Super Mario World ROM hacking scene. It's something I originally discovered all the way back in 2006. Back then, I quickly fell in love with the ability to change levels. I could make the most annoying levels of the game a bit more bearable. (Looking at you, Tubular!) Before long, I had joined Acmlm's Board and attempted to pass a collection of blatant level edits off as my first SMW hack, only to be shot down rather quickly. I briefly quit, only to start again. This time, I tried to make my own levels, only to eventually break something in my ROM. I almost gave up yet again before finally producing my first passable (at the time) hack late that year. I intended to follow that up with another hack called Super Mario Bros. 5, but ended up burning out sometime in the following summer. I then left hacking behind until late 2010. That's when what I consider my real SMW hacking journey began.

By late 2010, a lot had changed about the scene. New utilities now existed, and new custom assets could be inserted that the average user wouldn't dare to mess with in 2006. Custom music, blocks, and sprites could be inserted whether or not one knew 65c816 Assembly. Meanwhile, I was getting better at pixel art, allowing me to make my own graphics from scratch. Before long, I had decided to resurrect Super Mario Bros. 5, recreating the whole thing practically from scratch. The result would be Super Mario Bros. 5 Roborn. It wasn't easy to pull the hack off, even with new skills and tools. I'd suffer from bouts of Hacker's Block, which is like a writer's block or artist's block, but it affects the ability to create new levels. I'd also run into technical problems and the inability to find the right resources to do everything I really wanted to do. Learning to make my own custom music helped somewhat, but I would still be dependent on the ASM people to either code what I needed or fix bugs involving whatever custom code had already been inserted. Sadly, requests for custom bosses were seldom, if ever, fulfilled. This fact would eventually kill a sequel to SMB5R known as Mecha-Bowser's Revenge. I wanted custom bosses that didn't exist and lacked the patience to learn the necessary ASM skills to make them myself. After canceling that hack and honing my level design skills a bit, partially thanks to a great tutorial written by AxemJinx. I entered my first Vanilla Level Design Contest in late February of 2012. While my level didn't win or even place in the top 5, it didn't place at the bottom either. A very critical hack reviewer called XKeeper, who I remember being one of the people to lambaste my earliest attempts at SMW hacking, gave the level a 4/5 when he played it during a Twitch stream. The time was fast approaching to try for another full-length hack. I tried my best to manage my ambition with this one. I'd keep the story simple. Bowser kidnapped the Princess (again). Koopalings would be the World bosses, and the existing bosses and boss templates made custom Koopalings feasible. I decided to draw all the foregrounds and backgrounds for this project. Only one thing really posed a threat to this project: Hacker's Block. It would get so bad sometimes that I'd question the morality of ROM hacking, believing the blocks came from God/my conscience trying to stop me from promoting the "sin" of downloading ROMs. Thankfully, friends like imamelia would reassure me that it wasn't. The hack was finished just as 2012 came to a close. This is the oldest hack that I felt worthy of going on GBATemp.

It was game on from there. I'd produce several more hacks. Each one would receive mostly positive reviews. The most frequent complaint I'd receive would be that my hacks all felt the same. I was, and still will be should I return to hacking, a traditionalist hacker. I tried to make my hacks feel like official Mario games. I eschewed the typical ROM hacking practice of making something significantly harder than the base game. I'm the first person to test the levels, and I'm not the greatest at video games. Lost Levels-tier difficulty curves aren't my thing, and Kaizo definitely isn't my thing. The latter fact suited me just fine. Up until about 2015, Kaizo hacks were banned on SMWCentral. That would start changing that year. A little thing called Janked Up Mario Party (AKA JUMP) was released, and it began changing the very culture of SMWC. Kaizo hacks were now permitted, thanks to them being popular with Twitch streamers. I kept going for several more years, even as popular opinion began turning against my "safe, homogenized" hacks, and Streamer Kaizo hacks began taking over the hack database. Let's Plays and streams of my hacks became more and more sparse, and my overall motivation to hack slowly dwindled through 2019. I burned out so back early last year that, for a couple weeks, I became thoroughly convinced that ROM hacking was a sin, regardless of what people like imamelia said. That conviction would bring me to tears every time I thought about everything I had created. I was still proud of it. These hacks were still available. I could've very easily asked a staffer on SMWC to take them all down, along with all the other resources I created. Being seen as crazy, and the fact that I could never truly erase what I'd done, ultimately held me back. Eventually, I gave into temptation, popping into a friend's stream while he was streaming a hack called Return to Dinosaur Land. That night, I also had a chat with Daizo Dee Von, and he finally convinced me that I was wrong about the whole "ROM hacking is a sin" thing. I salvaged some levels from the canceled Chocolate Collection I was working on since late 2019, threw in a few contest entry levels, and built a few new levels to create a much smaller collection hack simply called "Ten." I could've been done there. That could've been my send-off to the world of SMW hacking. Then COVID-19 happened, inspiring me to start another project inspired by the various conspiracy theories surrounding the pandemic. Unfortunately, I didn't have enough inspiration and motivation to see said hack through, and it was canceled. I decided then that I was pretty much done with hacking. I'd been doing it for a decade straight. That was probably the real reason I was burning out, rather than some divine intervention. I was burned out, and SMWC's culture was no longer one that really supported my style of hacks. I was no longer the one whose hacks could generate hype in large swaths of the community. I was now known as someone who just put out a string of very similar hacks. I even wondered if a sufficiently-trained AI algorithm could make hacks like mine. Maybe that thought can go two ways. I could see it as meaning I'm more like a machine than a person when it comes to designing levels, or the hypothetical AI could be seen as passing the ROM hacking equivalent of a Turing Test.

Anyway, here are the rest of the hacks. You will need a Super NES emulator and a Super Mario World ROM to play these. I can't tell you where to get the latter, but I can recommend using snes9x as your emulator of choice.

KAMEK'S ISLAND (2013)

MARIO & LUIGI: KOLA KINGDOM QUEST (2014-2015)

SUPER MARIO WORLD: BOWSER'S CATACLYSMIC TRAP (2014-2015)

SUPER MARIO LAND 3: TATANGA'S RETURN (2015-2016)

MARIO IS MISSING DONE RIGHT (2016)

SUPER MARIO BROS: THE EARLY YEARS (2016-2017)

SUPER LUIGI LAND (2017-2019)

SHORT BUT SWEET This is a collection of 4 mini-hacks I made during this time. These were usually side projects I did to keep my skills sharp and still do some hacking without burning myself out on the larger projects. Often, these would incorporate levels I had made for various hacking contests. One of them, Oiram's Invasion, is actually a contest entry itself, created for the 2013 12 Days Before Christmas contest. It's my highest-ranking contest entry on the site, having made it all the way to 3rd Place.

[mythharvester]

Over the next three weeks I intend to journal my dreams and use the info and my interpretations as the basis for a short story entitled Walking In My Shoes. Each day I will probably be a chapter and I will eventually post each chapter.

Chapter One DAY ONE - What A Year.

He woke to the ping of his mobile phone going off. Resisting the urge to immediately check the phone Cassidy tried to centre himself. He must have nodded off reading, his Ipad was next to him. The room was dark and peaceful but the pull of technology got to him and he reached over to check his messages. It was 10:30, he had a new message. "HAPPY New Year! Not quite there yet, they probably decided they won't make it to midnight so triggered the message early.

Still it was 10-30 on December 31. 2020 was all but done, a year that will go down in history no doubt, a year that even the youth will remember, the year the world shutdown. As he lay in the dark an urge popped into his head, he Laughed at the notion that even his thoughts had a Scottish accent. (say a wee prayer for everybody big yin don't be shy, its been a hard yin for everybody, it's no goin tae dae ye any herm ). He Laughed again at the fact he was having a debate with himself then he closed his eyes and asked for the right words.

Thank you heavenly father for the challenges you have provided us this year. Please accept our brothers and sisters who have departed us into your loving arms. Continue to shine your light on those who dedicate themselves to providing support, assistance and solutions to those who require their attention. Thank you for guiding us to a working vaccine. Lastly holy father, please continue to shower us with your holy spirit so that more of us can walk a path of empathy, understanding, compassion, forgiveness, humility and unconditional love. Thy will be done.

Ping, whose this one from? Happy New Year.

He dragged his attention away from the phone and focused his thoughts on reflection. "The year that was! How did he feel about his year? Was he happy how it unfolded? What were the main changes he had noticed? Did he feel like he moved forward?

As he pondered over the year he felt a shift almost like a synchronisation as he connected with his truth.

Overall it had been a fantastic year. Ok, that book is still not written, but from a spiritual point of view he has moved forward dramatically and he was writing blogs and maybe honing his skills. He felt happy and at peace. The first shift he recalled Happened in May. It creeped up on him a bit, and he did not realise it till September when he was reading about it. He stopped worrying about stuff. Kay serra serra. The second shift happened in October, the power of intention at work. 10 months of setting intentions to, be a beacon of light, be kind, compassionate, forgiving, non-judgmental and he noticed himself consciously stepping around insects, his natural instinct to seek to kill any fly or spider in the room was gone. No longer squashing ants that find there way onto his office desk. Being in tune to the oneness of nature.

So what now its a new year, 2021, a new beginning, where to now? Honestly he thought I'm still a long way from Enlightenment and truthfully he was not sure he wanted to get that high up the mountain. Fact is he would be satisfied if in 2021 he reached a level of joy, of unconditional love, the level of healing.

As he Lay on his bed, the room still dark, breathing deeply, relaxing he could feel the Project Manager in him butting into the room.

Lets map out what worked for you in 2020. So the list began.

His four anchors:

• Maybe- the importance of acceptance, detachment from

outcome. Good news, bad news, Maybe, smile, this

too shall pass. Good fortune can also change so make it a simple process to release stuff. Live life with a mind open to anything.

• Frozen-emotions can be really powerful chains to

break away from. If we hold a glass of water at arms length it is not a burden, however 6 hours Later our arm is shaking, emotions are worse if we hang on to anger, jealousy, resentment we get bitter. Frozen is the cartoon-its about the song. Let it go. More of Wayne Dyers 10 principles, "There are no justified resentments and you can't give what you don't have. (if you squeeze an orange you get orange juice, squeeze an angry person you get anger.) Fill yourself with love what will come out when you get squeezed? Let it go! Forgive and moves on. Let it go.

• Is that so- increase the gap between stimulus

and response, don't react, don't defend yourself or your opinions, you don't need to prove you are right, to win. Acceptance, we are all one, I see you brother and I see God's high in you.

• Edith Pieff-No regrets, there is no such thing

as a bad decision, only the best choice available to us at that time. Sing it Edith.

What else worked? The long drive Mondays and Fridays and taking the opportunity to listen to audiobooks. In fact being informed that the the New Testament vibrates over 700 and that keeping things that vibrate that high close raises your own vibration is the reason I've been sleeping next to it and reading it.

Then there was using cards to set daily intentions in line with his quest to raise his vibration.

It still surprises him how, more often than not the card he pulls is so pertinent to what is going on at the time.

Oh and obviously there are the fundamentals of meditation and prayer. Find silence, find God? and ask and it is given, Dear Lord, how may I serve, why am I here? how can I help raise the consciousness level?

Enjoying lying back on the bed in the dark he thought the List is getting a bit long but he believed the little writing course he did deserved to be in there. It got him back on track with his writing but more importantly the fact that some of the others got him interested in Angels and spirit guides. (Live life with a mind open to anything) It led in his belief to the second shift. Talking to them as part of his bedtime ritual asking for guidance led to some surprising synchronicity.

He checked his watch 11.45 almost midnight, almost a new year, almost 2021, a new beginning. he felt alive and his thoughts went through the motions of his strategies and connections that helped him make the progress in 2020. More of the same was his initial thought, but as usual with thoughts his brain filled with with the cry-You can't solve a problem at the level it was created. You need a breakthrough, a new teacher. In a world where 78% of the population calibrate below the level of integrity and only 4% get to where you want to go or higher you are going to need something else to help get to the next camp on the mountain. As the relaxed and focused on his breaths he knew there was something he was missing. Like those times you maybe know a song, its on the tip of your tongue but, it's not there. The one that jumps into your head 3 hours later and slaps you in the face.

He focused on his breathing, in breath, out breath. Ping, Happy New Year, Midnight or in Scotland, the Bells. As his thoughts wandered to his homeland it came to him. The audio book on rising up the calibration scale. What the orator said. "In my experience progression to this level comes after the person manages to open their third eye.

Six days Later he woke to the alarm, time to get up for work, another crazy dream? He thought it was similar to the previous 5 nights. Since new year! Was there something in that? He had been asking his angels, spirit guides, and higher self for guidance and assistance to help open his third eye.

Showered and dressed in his hi-vis protective clothing he absentmindedly picked up his deck of Angel cards and started shuffling. He stopped and pulled his card for the day. His card was Dreams. It always makes him Laugh when it happens (thinking about a subject, pull that card). He pulled the book to find out what the card meant. Turns out the universe was involved, The angels want him to record his dreams so he will remember the messages they will deliver to him. Are these messages going to enable him to open his third eye? Will this be a case of when the student is ready the teacher appears?

Later that evening he meditated for a while and got into bed. Holy Father, my guardian angels, my angels, spirit guides, my higher self and ascended masters I give you permission to join me in my dreams and please guide me and help me to clear and unblock my Chakras and open up my third eye. Help me to remember my dreams and to interpret any signs or messages I need to help me on my journey. Thy will be done.

[treadmilltreats]

The lessons I've learned this year

2021 A New year, a new start but what lessons did you learn from 2020? What things happened to you and what lessons did you take from it?

I am big on lessons, you will never see me saying why me? No, I always say "Okay, God what are you trying to teach me here?"

Everything happens for a reason and in it all, is a lesson, if you are willing to look for it. So what did 2020 teach me?

1- To trust in God to provide.

Not that I don't already do but this year took me from 100 to zero fast. With no one wanting me in their homes, I watched my salary diminish but I trusted God through it all.

2- To slow down.

I work 6 days a week, sometimes 12 hours a day, you know the single mom hustle, trying to keep a roof over our heads. This made me slow down, take a rest, see what I was missing, enjoy the time I now had.

3- Spend time with my loved ones. 

It gave me time to cook with my girls, to sit around and talk. I taught them how to use power tools, we built things together. It gave us time to reconnect on a whole different level.

4- That all relationships can change.

I got so close to my girls and they to each other. I prayed so much on this one and yes, it's better than ever!  But some relationships are meant to be let go of, it's okay... let them go, don't hold on to one that no longer suits your purpose.

5- Finding your purpose

Yes, we all have a God given purpose, with this whole pandemic thing last year, it made me concentrate on writing. I can do it for hours and have without realizing the time, I love it, it is my passion! My purpose! 

6- To be alone

Yes, this year taught  me, 

That I had to walk away from what is not for me. I broke up with the Prince after 3 years, as much as we love each, we both want different things. I realized I don't need a man. I am okay with myself, I like myself and during this pandemic, I learned to fill my life with God, my girls, my friends, my hobbies, my purpose, to find myself again.

7- To dream big! 

I dreamed I would write a book and I did, I dreamed I would go to Greece and I did. I dreamed I would get a house and I did.

I dreamed that I would be writing and speaking to others about my journey, my testimony and I was, this is just a bump in the road.

It doesn't mean my dreams won't come true, it just means they are on pause for the time being..

My next dream? New York times best-selling author and motivational speaker and you better believe it's going to happen! Big dreams? Big faith!

8- To never give up.

No matter how many times I have been knocked down, I will get back up, battered and bruised but I will not quit! I am a fighter, I am a champion! This pandemic will not take me out, it's just another fight I must fight.

9. To realize not everyone believes what you do.

This year taught me the real face of people. It brought out the worst of people. People who thought it was okay to be racist, to want to hold down and hold back others that didn't look like them. For me I realized I can't have that in my life and yes, you may believe in whatever you believe in but from a distance from me. I'm done, bye Felicia! 

 10-To never stop believing in miracles.

Yes, I have experienced many miracles since I walked away from my abusive marriage.

I never dreamed of owning my own house yet God had bigger dreams then I had for myself!  I got this house 40,000 less than market value and got approved, and that was a miracle! ! It taught me to walk out on faith to know anything is possible!  

I started this business 8 years ago while getting divorced and only getting 250.00 a month child support. I traveled all over the world, I did things I never thought I could do, a marathon, a triathlon, Hell, I even walked on fire for God's sake!  So my advice to you is to never stop believing! You can do more than you think you can!

So today my friends, make a list of lessons you learned last year. You will be surprised at all you learned, but only if you were open to it. This year, decide to look for all the lessons, even in the middle of a pandemic, even through the storms there is always a lesson.

Everything is a lesson....it's just up to you to find the lessons!

"Be the change you want to see"

 

"And just when the caterpillar thought his life over...he turned into a beautiful butterfly"

**Now released my latest book**

The Blessing in Disguise.... revealed

https://www.amazon.com/Blessing-Disguise-Revealed-story-faith/dp/1074340493/ref=sr_1_19?keywords=the+blessing+in+disguise&qid=1561392004&s=books&sr=1-19

***Now available***

My 1st book The blessing in Disguise 

Selling on my website

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Http://www.treadmilltreats.com

And on Amazon.com

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[spreadplaylist]

SPREAD CH.4 ARTIST SPOTLIGHT INTERVIEW - TINA MATHIEU

This month's SPREAD Artist Spotlight is a dear friend of mine, Tina Mathieu. Let's get a closer look at her life and her music!

Tina: Hey there.. My name is Tina Mathieu. I’m a singer/songwriter based in Los Angeles. I moved out here by way of NYC, where I spent roughly 15 years writing and playing acoustic soul music. Within the past few months, I released my first indie r&b single and ran my very first official trail run... uphill - So i’m kinda feelin’ myself. ; )

Dan: Haha hi Tina! Those are definitely things to be proud of. I'm so excited you're our SPREAD featured artist this month! Diving right into your life and career a little more, how long have you been a songwriter/artist?

Tina: I started writing my own music after I stepped away from musical theater back in 2003. I was 22 with a broken heart and a cheap classical guitar. Typical story. I’d been writing poetry since I was a child - and somehow the ability to turn my words into melodies just clicked.

Dan: And when it clicks it's the best feeling ever. Since you have been writing for a while I am sure you have some sort of routine. Describe the place that makes you feel the most inspired creatively.

Tina: The mountains and the shower… recently I began trail running through the Santa Monica mountains. Moving through the open air, surrounded by 360’ of a world reminding me how small I am gives me major perspective - I become elevated in every way. I usually record voice memos while I hike and continue playing with those ideas once I’m home... washing all the dirt the off. The shower makes me feel like I can sing anything.

Dan: More power to you on trail running. I don't think that's something I could ever have the endurance to do! But if we're talking singing in the shower, I definitely feel like Beyoncé the moment I step in, even though I definitely don't sound like her...

Quickly moving on to get that image out of everyone's head...I know you are a very motivated and driven person. Do you have a personal mantra that helps you get through each day? If so, what is it?

Tina: These days when I feel like so much is out of my control, I like to stick with “One day at a time” and the serenity prayer... Accept the things I cannot change - the courage to change the things I can - and the wisdom to know the difference. Oh wisdom…

Dan: I've never actually heard that prayer. That's something I may have to adopt. I definitely use the day-at-a-time mantra or I tend to get overwhelmed.

So, now that you have released a new single, I know you are trying to get out and perform in LA a little more. Coming from experience I know that's a blessing and a curse. What do you think is a misconception people have about performing?

Tina: That bigger notes mean better singer. This is especially true in musical theater or televised singing competitions. I’ve had lots of internal struggles with this misconception. After dealing with vocal nodes, I had to start letting the strengths within my tone, emotion and storytelling depict my artistry - rather than belting my life away.

Dan: To be honest I think reality singing tv shows have done some hurt to singers because everyone watches them and then expects everyone to have a huge, belting voice. But we have to make room for the soothing, sultry vocals too. ;)

If you can pick, what song of yours are u most proud of? Why?

Tina: I’m super proud of two songs. ‘Downward Spiral’, my first single that I released, was a long time coming. I wrote it about 2 ½ years ago in NYC after dealing with some family turmoil. I’m proud of it because I actually followed through with it. I’ve written tons of songs and always found excuses to not finish them. When I released ‘Downward Spiral’ I felt ready. I had no excuses left.

I’m also very proud of the next song i’ll be releasing in October, ‘Ring Off’. Reliving the discovery of an affair is probably the most raw i’ve been in songwriting yet. It still hurts when i sing it and i think it makes people uncomfortable… which means I did my job.

Dan: I've heard both and I have to say they are both chilling. I don't even know if I could pick a favorite. And again, congrats on the new single!

I know that this journey is hard to follow through with sometimes, and its easy to get caught up. So throughout your years as a songwriter, who is one person in your life that has influenced and pushed you to be where you are now?

Tina: Influenced and pushed are two different things for me. I’ve had several artist and musician friends that have inspired me immensely. My family has always supported and believed in me. But as for pushing me to where I am now... I did that. Lots of people gave me advice and thought I was wasting my talent by not following through for so long, but I couldn’t do anything until I was ready - from the inside - an inner push that was long overdue.

Dan: I'm so happy to see that push now, because you're amazing! It's crazy how we can hear kind words and support from so many different people but we equally have to hear us say it to ourselves, too. With this unstoppable Tina, describe a typical day in your life. What are you doing? What do u enjoy the most about it?

Tina: I’m a mom - so everyday starts the same... I have to wake up way earlier than I prefer to blindly pour apple juice for a 4 year old dude. I also work in tv production so I’m often juggling a freelance lifestyle which allows me the opportunity to make music. I try to hike or trail run whenever I can squeeze it in. Also, Target. I’m mostly at Target.

Dan: Target always saves the day. Also, you are my hero. Now that we've seen a glimpse into your grind, and that you are not holding back in your music making any longer, what do u think is the biggest misconception people have about working in the music industry?

Tina: That you get discovered and industry people figure everything out for you and you just get to sing and make money. EASY. It couldn’t be more of the opposite. Being an artist is running a small business - the financial investment, the self promotion, understanding the convoluted money splits on the back end of a song... I mean you really have to love the ‘making music’ part of it.

Dan: You have to love it almost more than anything else. There's so much more behind the scenes that people do not think about. Being where you are today, and having just released an awesome single, if you could go back in time to the Tina Mathieu who just started out as a songwriter and artist, what is a piece of advice you would give her?

Tina: Be nice to yourself. It’s ok to tell people that you are a songwriter. You’re not a phony. And you don’t have to hide behind other people’s success… you deserve your own.

Dan: Preach, girl. Also discussing your day-to-day life, how do u manage a busy schedule and stress? How do you recharge when u need to?

Tina: I try to stay as organized as possible - Google docs run my life. Hiking and weed are my stress relievers. Often paired together. :)

Dan: We definitely need those stress relievers to get us through the business. Breaks away from the madness are so important.

A part of this business also includes of failed attempts or let-downs. I feel like they are so common you can easily lose track. Tell us about a time that you feel like you failed musically. How did u overcome this?

Tina: When I found out I was pregnant, I felt like I completely failed musically. I had yet to put out a single, yet to release an EP… and to be honest, I thought that being a mom meant that I had run out of time. I wrote a depressing song that day (that no one has ever heard) and decided to accept my failure as an artist. Luckily, being a songwriter is simply a part of me that won’t go away. It took a few years to start finding my way again - but I’m actually better than I was before and now I have someone very special to impress.

Dan: You are a natural songwriter. I don't think it could go away if you tried to make it! I am really touched by your answer, and I can't help but be grateful for all the badass moms we see in the industry that are killing it. Ya know, Pink, Beyoncé, Adele to name a few... It gives me hope that other moms will be inspired to keep going; that they're not done after having a kid. And I'll be the one to say I am SO glad you didn't give up. We desperately need your music in the world. Also...your kid is ridiculously cute I can't handle it. He'll always be your number one fan!

What is a defining moment of your career and how has it affected your life since?

Tina: Releasing ‘Downward Spiral’ is the most defining moment so far. When I teamed up with the Los Angeles Songwriters Collective for their 2nd EP, I committed to myself that it was time follow through. The past few months have been non-stop songwriting, studio time, gigs, co-write sessions, networking and supporting new artist friends. Making that one commitment changed everything for me.

Dan: I have such a big smile on my face. The gears are turning and there's no stopping now!

Looking to your inspiratioins, tell us about an artist/songwriter who inspires u. What would you like to emulate in your own artistry?

Tina: Erykah Badu is my all time favorite artist. Unique in every way. Her voice, words, melodic decisions, storytelling... honest & confident.

“She’s Clever.”

John Mayer is my favorite lyricist - I try to learn a lot from the honesty and details in his poetry. I may or may not have a lyric tattooed around my wrist. (Shhh.. I’m a fangirl!)

I’m not looking to emulate them but rather let what I love in these artists innately come through me - kinda like osmosis.

Dan: You said something SO important right there. I think up and coming artists struggle a lot when they're first releasing music. They listen to their favorite artists and then try to sound like them, but the key is letting what you love about them show in your own way! Ah, I could scream! Nail on the damn head.

So what artist/album/song have u had on repeat lately?

Tina: 90’s male R&B slow jam Playlist - Ginuwine, Dru Hill, 112, etc..

Julia Michaels - She is an effortless genius.

Kehlani - Obsessed with her.

Fiona Apple, Tidal - because her words never go out of style (and I still need a dictionary to get through some songs...)

Dan: What a good ass mix! If people reading this have not checked those artists out, GO! Some of them have been featured on SPREAD before... ;)

Laaaaaast but not least at all, how can we check out ur music and stay up to date with ur releases/posts? Anything we should especially be on the lookout for? ;)

Tina: I’m mostly active on Instagram - @tinamathieumusic. You can listen to ‘Downward Spiral’ on SPREAD CH. 4 - Feels and also stream or download it anywhere music exists. I have a few LA gigs lined up for Sept / Oct, which I’ll be announcing soon - and my newest single, ‘Ring Off’ will be available this fall.

Dan: Y'all heard it from Tina herself! If u haven't already, go check out her new single, 'Downward Spiral' on SPREAD CH.4 and go follow her! LA people, make sure u go see her live to because her music and her voice slays. Thanks again, Tina, for being SPREAD CH.4's featured artist. I'm super excited to see where this next year takes u! :)

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Thank you everyone for joining us for this month's SPREAD Artist Spotlight! I hope you have let out all the FEELS u can before Friday because a whole new playlist is coming! And it's gonna end with a bang 🎊