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incomprehensiblelentils · 3 years

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Bering and Wells Reunion Panel Transcription (4/17/2021)

This is from the ClexaCon Virtual panel with Joanne Kelly and Jaime Murray, with Dana Piccoli as moderator and Mark as ASL interpreter. I spent around six hours on this and there were really only a couple of brief bits I couldn’t make out - I tried to make this as thorough as possible even though the audio quality was iffy at points and there was a lot of overlapping talking. I also included all of the ums and uhs in the interest of thoroughness so sorry if that gets annoying. Let me know if I’ve gotten any screen names wrong.

Content notes: brief discussion of on-set injury, allusions to homophobia from higher-ups, discussions of hostile workplace experiences due to gender, brief discussion of the ovarian cancer subplot, Jo misgenders Mark once and then corrects herself.

Dana: And I think we are live! Hey everyone, welcome, welcome, this is day 2 of ClexaCon Virtual. So glad to be here with you for our Warehouse 13 Bering and Wells panel. What a great video! I believe that was Mal that made that. Fantastic work! [They showed a fanvid prior to the panel on the stream.] Uh, I want to take a second to introduce Mark, our ASL interpreter. Thank you so much for being here, Mark. Well, I know that the Bering and Wells fandom is still going strong and, um, I’m so excited to be able to present this panel to you today, so without further ado, let’s get started. It’s been seven years since we last embarked on the wonderfully quirky world of Warehouse 13 and we’re thrilled to have not one, but two of the show’s stars here with us, Bering and Wells in the flesh, please welcome Joanne and Jaime!

Jo: [laughs] Hi!

Jaime: Hi guys!

Dana: Hi!

Jaime: Oh my goodness, I was tearing up watching that, that was just...

Dana: It’s so good, right?

Jaime: And Mal made it, of course, I mean just, the fandom is so amazing, that we have a fan who made that amazing movie, and I’m sitting here... were you tearing up, Jo?

Jo: Yeah... [laughs]

Dana: She’s like, I can’t talk right now!

Jaime: Aww.

Jo: Yeah, it’s, you know, it’s like, it’s like a, a wormhole, it’s like going in a wormhole, really, to see that put together in that way, and just, that somebody did that is, um, crazy, wonderful.

Jaime: Yeah.

Dana: When, when we are in person in, uh, in, in Las Vegas, I’m often backstage with the actors as they see these videos maybe f- for the first time, and your reaction is the reaction that everyone has. They all get teary, they all just like hold onto each other, it’s, it’s really sweet and wonderful.

Jaime: Oh my gosh, I, I wish I could go back in time and like, we film more of it and, and enjoy it more, because sometimes when you’re in it, you’re just going so fast and, you know, you don't even realize the meaning of, of, of what you’ve created until you see it through the eyes of the fans and what it meant to them, and then I, I wish I could lean into it more. [laughs]

Dana: Well, we’re certainly gonna get into that. [laughs]

Jaime: [laughs]

Dana: Alright, well, let’s kick things off! Uh, as of a we- a week ago, I was prepping to interview Jaime, and then suddenly the heavens opened up, and what was one became two. [they laugh] Joanne joined the party! How did this crazy kismet even happen?

Jo: I’m trying this new thing where I say yes. [laughs]

Jaime: [laughs] Well done!

Jo: Thanks. [laughs] Um, it’s a new thing I’m trying. Um, Jaime texted me and she’s like, I'm doing this thing, we had talked about it, I think the last panel we did at Dragon*Con maybe?

Jaime: Yeah.

Dana: 2018.

Jo: And she had told me about ClexaCon and I was like, that, because I really enjoyed that panel that we did, it felt, you know, I think one of the reasons, and I think that the work between us is, and I look at it now and I’m so touched because I, and I also just think the world of Jaime as an actor, I think she’s brilliant and her choices are so clean and-

Jaime: Ditto.

Jo: -full heart forward, like I, I’ve always been a fan of what she bought, and just personally on set I was in a, it was a very male environment, and Jaime came and I was like, oh my god, like, someone to talk to, someone who cared, and she took care of me, like she really - so I just, I don’t know, when she reached out I was like, of course, yes, yes.

Dana: Like it’s in two days, sure! Let’s, let’s go!

Jaime: We missed each other as well. It was also an opportunity to hang out, like, we missed each other!

Jo: Yeah.

Jaime: We had this flurry of texts of like, checking in with each other, and what-

Jo: What have you been watching? what are you doing?

Jaime: Yeah.

Jo: Where are you?

Jaime: Yeah, so.

Dana: Oh, that’s amazing! So you’ve maintained this really wonderful friendship since, since the end of the show.

Jo: Yeah, I mean, actors are nomads and we’re very sort of, I feel, Jaime, I don’t know if you feel the same way, but it’s like those friends that you have that you don’t see forever, but when you see them you fall back into a rhythm automatically, there’s never, it doesn’t feel push or pulled, it’s just, it’s just nice.

Jaime: I, I think also for us, um, I think there’s a sisterhood as well, you know, I think that, you know, Jo just touched on it. You know, often in a cast there’s, um, it’s changing and it’s evolving all the time, and this was seven years ago, and it was seven years before that, it started, so like fourteen years ago-

Jo: Oh my god. [laughs]

Jaime: But there’s, ninety nine point five percent of the people behind the camera are men, the majority of the parts are often men, or it’s, it’s male and women, but the men have the more heroic bits and the funnier lines and you’re kind of struggling with that and you’re glad to be working so you’re kind of making good and making it okay, but you’re kind of like, you know, getting feels, and, you know, as, as Joanne said, it, you know, you’re laughing at dick jokes when you don’t find them particularly funny- [all laugh]

Jo: Like wow! Oh! [sarcastic thumbs up]

Jaime: And so when I came in, I saw Jo - I had been on shows, like I was on a show called Hustle, I was the only girl in the cast, and then everybody, uh, behind the camera was, um, all men. Um, on Warehouse we had one female writer on some episodes, um, we never had a fe- uh, um, a female director on anything or a producer-

Jo: No we had, we had Tawn- [presumably about to mention Tawnia McKiernan] we had two fem- we had a few, but we were-

Jaime: No- no- not on my, not on my episodes.

Jo: Oh, on yours.

Jaime: But it was just like, I came in and I saw Jo and I understood, and I knew what her experience was, and so there was this kind of kinhood, this sisterhood, and I think it, it’s not a male-female thing, but it’s, it’s a minority and majority thing. When you’re in a minority and the majority is doing something, you either have to get down with the program and go with that flow, or you get kind of fe- you feel like you’re difficult or annoying to everybody. And I kind of came in and I just was like, oh like, I get it, it’s hard, and I’m gonna give this woman, like, my, my energy and my love and, so it was-

Dana: So you were like I- you looked at Joanne and you were like, that is someone I can smash the patriarchy with!

Jaime: [laughs] Yes.

Dana: Let’s do it!

Jo: No, I read a lot of books [laughs] when we weren’t filming. I would like get on my chair and just be like this. [mimes holding book in front of face]

Jaime: Yes!

Jo: [laughs] Like I’m doing this now, I’ll see you guys when we’re rolling again, you know, it was really- and, but also, you know, it’s so, and it is changing, it’s changing and evolving in a really, um, at a wonderful rate, but also I would get so excited to be in a scene with another woman that wasn’t about a man, you know, or that we weren’t- uh, it was just so nice to have girl-girl scenes. That never happens, it hardly ever happens. Like, the majority of scenes that you do are about love or acrimony with men, um, and it’s so nice to have a relationship with a woman that’s, um, sort of reflective of how relationships with women actually are. Um, I’ve been, I shifted into writing because of frustration with just not reading stories that I felt were reflective of our, my experience as a woman, you know, that sort of, um, and I think that Bering and Wells sort of in, I mean, that’s when that ship turned for me, as well.

Dana: Well ho- hold that thought, we are, we are going there!

Jaime: And, and also because it wasn’t, it actually wasn’t written. Um, there was, in a way we were able to steer that ship, and then we’d already kind of given a road map for the way this energy was, so it wasn’t written in the conventional way. Like, even like, when a, when a, when a, when a woman will have a love interest it’s, it’s often written by men and it’s o- often in a conventional kind of way, whereas our relationship, at a time before people were even kind of, uh, exploring this that much, um, now, now much more, thank god, it’s more, more inclusive. But it was more kind of, um, uh, complicated than, than maybe would’ve been written about, so it was given more nuance, yeah.

Jo: You mean like, do you mean like actual relationships? [laughs]

Jaime: You what? Say that again?

Jo: Like actual relationships! [laughs]

Jaime: Yeah, yeah, yeah. [laughs]

Jo: You know, that don’t come in and you have a “where they start and where they finish,” like that we, oh, we know where they’re gonna end up so we’ll just gonna-

Dana: Right, right.

Jo: -move them around like chess pieces. It was actually an energy that Jaime and I created, and the story sort of evolved from that energy as - it was inside out as opposed to outside in, which I think made it a real relationship.

Dana: Well, so my friend Dorthy Snarker, she once said that HG and Myka’s storyline has been main text pretending to be subtext, which feels really apt to me.

Jaime: Yeah!

Dana: So at what point-

Jo: Very smart.

Dana: What point in the show did it really click with the two of you that this connection that HG and Myka shared was something much deeper?

Jo: Jaime just had, Jaime, you just explained this very coolly in, in, um-

Jaime: One of our chats.

Jo: Yeah, yeah. Why don’t you speak to this, why don’t you take this?

Jaime: Well, well, first of all like I said, there was like kind of this sisterhood when I came in and, um, Jo, uh, Jo wasn’t like, like it wasn’t like I came in and she was like hey let’s be friends. I came in and she was behind a book, and she wasn’t particularly accessible, and she wasn’t, like, she was a bit grumpy, you know. And so I was like, my personality type is like, how do I crack this nut? [laughs] How do I make this woman love me? [laughs] This is the most unaccessible woman-

Dana: That explai- Jaime that explains a lot! [laughs]

Jaime: This is the most unaccessible women on the set, the mo- the most unaccessible human to me. How do I make her fall in love with me? So it’s like partly my narcissism-

Jo: [laughs] Jaime Murray in a nutshell, everyone!

Jaime: -and my ego, um, so I was kind of winning her over off set, and then, you know, as she was opening up to me and, you know, she was kind of telling me about some of the challenges she was coming up against, I was like, yeah, that’s, that’s not fair, and yeah, I completely get that, you know. So we were kind of like having that kind of journey, I’m like, like, I’m like, oh no, you’re not crazy, everyone else is crazy! Like, let’s smash the patriarchy!

Jo: [laughs]

Jaime: And then, and then unfortunately, um, Jo hurt herself really badly doing a stunt, and, um, you know, there’s no time to hurt yourself on a film set, and there’s no time to take time and, and kind of heal your back or anything like that. So she was taking some pretty strong painkillers and she was working through it, and I had spinal surgery, I, I know what back pain is like, it’s, it’s the worst. I mean, it’s literally everything, you know, you feel like an old person. And so I was, um, taking care of her as best as I could, and we had the scene, and it was the scene in the street where, I, I think it's the first scene that, where I get the grappler out-

Dana: Oh, the grappler.

Jaime: And I shoot it into the air and I put my arm around her and we shoot up-

Dana: We’re very familiar with this scene. [laughs]

Jo: [doing grappler motion] [laughs]

Jaime: Yeah, so, so it’s like, it had like, physicality, and also it was a really, um, we always laugh that Toronto has about five seasons in one day, so you’ll like start shooting the scene and then suddenly there’s a, like a snowstorm! Bright sunshine!

Jo: Then it’s sunny! Then rain!

Jaime: Torrential rain, wind - and it was one of those, and we had to move to a new location, we were really behind in the day, and she had this one pice of hair that kept on like blowing in her face-

Dana: Oh, I know where this is going, Jaime. [laughs]

Jaime: And she was, the thing was, she was like, also these painkillers-

Jo: I was like, I can’t even see with the hair, I was like, I was hopped up on so many painkillers...

Jaime: Yeah, she was hopped up, she was like, I can’t even get my hair out of the way!

Jo: I think I actually called that day, it was the only time where I was like, guys I can’t work anymore, like, I literally, the doctor was like, you need to rest and I’m like I can’t. And the first AD came over to me and he was like, you’re gonna have to say stop, because nobody is gonna stop the filming, and I didn't wanna do that because you don't want to be the person that, that loses the day.

Jaime: That’s part of it, isn’t it? You’re, you can’t be, you can’t have any vulnerability or be a woman in any way, any shape or form on a film set. [laughs]

Jo: Yeah.

Jaime: So I knew in the morning, and so I’d been like trying to take care of her and had, had like this experience of having spinal surgery, so I was like caretaking as much, as best as I could. I’m a Cancerian as well, so it’s in my nature.

Dana: Sure.

Jaime: And, um, and we‘re in this scene and we’d had to kind of cut so many times, and this hair just kind of-

Jo: [laughs]

Jaime: -came over her face like this, and I just lent forward and on my line I just moved the hair out of her, um, face and put it back, and there was this, this look of genuine-

Jo: [laughs]

Jaime: -surprise and shock in her face because we hadn’t rehearsed it and, and, and you know, we rehearse everything, and then, and then Joanne, what did you say that you-

Jo: I said I had this feeling, you know, when she did that I was like, oooh, um, what’s happening? [laughs]

Dana: [laughs]

Jaime: What are these feelings I’m having?

Jo: I did not expect all these feelings.

Jaime: Someone is being nice to me in this hostile world!

Jo: I was like this is so, it was like, pink light came up and there was glitter all of a sudden, and a unicorn in the back and, um-

Dana: Yep.

Jaime: They were really good drugs, you can’t, they’re illegal now, you can’t get them now cause they’re illegal now, but-

Jo: [laughs] No, no! But that point I’d say that the storyline really developed from inside out, you know outside, it was actually something, she did something that made me respond in a certain way, and as an actor you have those openings and you can choose to go, you either close them, like if, if I don’t like an actor [laughs] and someone does something, I might go like, no, I don’t wanna gonna go with that- [laughs]

Jaime: Yeah.

Jo: -and change the track, but because I love Jaime and, and that happened, I sort of just was like I’m gonna go with this energy and see where it leads. And so it was a very organic, and it took me completely, and I had not expected it, it took me completely- but I liked it, so I started, then that...

Dana: So you are the reason, you two are the captains of the Bering and Wells ship. You made that happen!

Jaime: Yeah.

Jo: Yeah.

Jaime: But also I felt like HG, you know, she came from an era when the suffragette movement was, um, happening, and she was active in that, however, she had to write under her brother’s name, um-

Dana: Yeah.

Jaime: And as a woman, you know, she couldn’t be even open about her brilliance and she had to let her dimwitted brother take credit for it, and then she was frozen. So she was an activist before her time and suddenly she’s waking up in a world where there’s this dynamic woman, gun-toating woman kind of using her wits and brainpower and like, god bless Pete [laughs] but he was a little bit, like, she was the brains and the brilliance, and often he would be kind of like, you know, taking the credit for it or like having the girls flirt with him, and I just felt like if I grow up, if I woke up from, you know, a dream of, of being a suffragette and I woke up and I saw Myka, surely I would be more fascinated-

Jo: [laughs]

Jaime: -by this woman who is everything that I had ever wished to be, so I started playing off this fascina- I was fascinated by her. Pete was just as stupid as my brother. [laughs]

Jo: And I do have to say, I do have to give the showrunner Jack Kenny credit here too, because Jack really let us run with it and started to lean into it, and the writers were all very accepting, so it was, and, and Jack particularly, you know, we had a lot, we had our creative differences, but he was really generous in this storyline with us, like I think, he gave us a lot of rope to play with-

Jaime: Yeah.

Jo: And it was interesting rope, because they never-

Dana: It was attached to a grappling hook is what it was!

Jo: Yeah, and they never, like what i really loved about it is the never like put it on the nose it was always very elliptical, we always had room to breathe, um-

Jaime: Well partly I don’t, I think that it was, it was, it’s funny to talk about it now because it doesn't seem that long a- long ago, but it-

Jo: But it was so long ago...

Jaime: -it was unusual-

Jo: For that.

Jaime: -for the genre and for the audience that we were going for to, to actually go there, um,

Dana: Yeah. Seven years ago, you’re absolutely right. Things have changed tremendously, and especially in the last five years.

Jo: Yeah, yeah.

Jaime: And, but I think that Jack and Drew, they were kind of excited about what we were doing, but actually, you know, we weren't sure what the network would say or what the advertisers might think, and so, um, you know, I’m really proud of the work that we were able to, to say-

Jo: Yeah.

Jaime: You know, being the first in some ways.

Jo: It’s interesting, you know, like Jaime texted me, she sent me this video and I was looking at it and I was just so proud-

Jaime: I sent you Mal’s video, I sent you one of Mal’s other videos.

Jo: She’s wonderful, so like shoutout to her!

Jaime: Yeah

Jo: That’s, yeah, it was gorgeous, and I was really proud of the work, you know, after, it’s, you create these things in a bubble and, I haven’t se- I haven’t seen Warehouse, I never watched it. [laughs] so I’m always very surprised to see these videos, it feels like I’m cracking open-

Jaime: And I want to say as well, you know, when we say we haven’t down and watched all the shows, or you know, in some peoples’ cases, many of the shows, you know, it’s, it’s not because we don’t love the show and we don't love the work that everyone else has done, done, it’s actually a lot of actors don't watch, um, their own work. It’s, if, if you’ve ever heard your own voice on an answer phone or something and you're like, who’s that? Oh my god, that’s me!

Dana: [laughs]

Jaime: Like, so when you see yourself on TV or screen it’s like that on crack, it’s absolutely terrifying, and, and you’re like oh my god, like behind a pillow, like-

Jo: Filled with self loathing and despair. [laughs]

Jaime: Yes.

Dana: That’s okay.

Jaime: Which is a work in progress, I’m trying to deal with that now.

Dana: Well, when, at what point did you realize that queer people were actually starting to flock to the show to support this direction with these characters?

Jaime: We, we didn't know, we didn’t know-

Dana: No?

Jaime: Well, we, um, I, um, Jo’s not on social media so I don’t know when she knew, other than maybe when I told her. I saw replies on twitter-

Jo: Comic Con.

Dana: Somebody didn’t like hire a plane and like, around the area with like, a Bering and Wells forever…?

Jo: I, I remember, I remember going to Comic Con, for me because that’s’ when I had the fan interaction, um, because I wasn’t on Twitter-

Jaime: Yeah, there were fans that told us.

Jo: And, and, uh, a lot of the women, I remember being asked some very specific questions during panels, and, you know, there's a lot of guys who like to talk at those panel so I didn’t get to talk a lot but I made it quite, I, I made it quite clear about how important that storyline was to me and it, it, I realized very quickly that it was important to a lot more women than me. I didn’t really realize, too, that storytelling wasn’t represented in that way, at that point, you know. I didn’t feel that. I didn’t feel like that was a groundbreaking choice, to choose to be attracted to a woman in a scene to me is life, it’s how I live my life, I, I’m you know, I don’t have those, I’m not in a box [laughs] and it so when I realized, it was a eye-opening moment. I’m like, I’m like, wait, wait, this is, this is something new that’s not being done?

Dana: You guys were kind of on, you were like right here [miming going up a hill or mountain] and then shortly after Warehouse, it started going like [woosh noise of going down the other side of the hill] and this wave of representation started happening.

Jaime: Well, ev- even in Warehouse, there was an openly gay character in, in Warehouse.

Dana: Right, yes!

Jo: Yeah, yeah, there was Aaron.

Jaime: But it’s been, it’s been incredibly, um, powerful for, for, for, for me, um, you know, I I, think that a lot of people, some people are like oh my god, you know, I wish I could go back to my childhood or my teenage years, I, you could not pay me anything for, I would not go back to my teenage years for love or money. It was, it was a incredibly painful time for me, um, and not a particularly happy time for me, and, um, you know, just awkwardness, you know, all the stuff that, you know, all the stuff people feel in their teens, all the bad stuff I felt in my teens, so when I’ve spoken to people at conventions, um, and they've’ spoken to me about, um, Warehouse having, and our relationship in Warehouse having a positive effect for them in their teen, in their painful teenage years, it’s, it, it, it can bring me to tears, because i- if I could have imagined having kind of that, some kind of impact when I’d been a teenager maybe I wouldn't have been so miserable, but, um, I’m really humbled by it. it’s really lovely.

Dana: Yeah, you, you most certainly have had a tremendous impact on a lot of peoples’ lives and I’m so glad that you are able to take that and keep it in your heart.

Jaime: Yeah.

Dana: Speaking of this kind of sea change of the last few years, do you think that if Warehouse had been airing now that things might have ended differently? Do you think that maybe that subtext really would have been pulled much more into main text?

Jaime: You’d know better, Jo.

Jo: I...don’t know the answer to that question, um, perhaps, actually, absolutely! It’s twenty twenty-

Jaime: If we were writing it, maybe.

Jo: I mean, that’s what I’m trying to do. [laughs] Um, yeah, I think so. Maybe we would have been able to lean more into that storyline, um-

Jaime: Maybe we would’ve had a, be a stronger voice in shaping the narrative there.

Jo: It, yeah, I mean, Jack was, Jack was great about it, but it, it was a different, it was a different era. I think now is, is really a beautiful time for storytelling in the sense that it is really becoming so much more inclusive and we have representation, which, I mean, seeing ourselves represented in stories is how we understand ourselves in the world, and that’s, it’s so important, you know, it’s so important where we’re going, um, and I wish there could have been more of that in Warehouse, but I’m glad there was what there was.

Dana: Yeah.

Jaime: I, I, I also think that, um, you know, it’s changed so much in just such a short space of time, but particularly in the last couple of years, like, women were always, um, portrayed like, like, women always had to be perfect and kind of cute, and, you know, there had to be kind of something attractive or charming about them at all times, you know, and so we always had to put a bow on a woman to make her acceptable. And one of the things that I’m really loving is, you know, that women can be flawed and they can still, you can still love them and, you know, one of the things that always stun- stunned me is that I’ve been so welcomed into a community of kind, inclusive, um, you know, powerful activist, um, women, uh, um, and I’m like, why do these amazing women even like my characters when I’ve played such, um, a bad character, and it’s like-

Dana: But, but we love that! Queer women love a villain!

Jaime: Well, it’s like, flawed characters, and it’s like, and then recently I watched this show called, um, I hate Suzie Pickles [actual title of show: I Hate Suzie], um, there’s a show called, um, uh, I May Destroy You. They’re British shows, actually, both are.

Dana: Oh, yeah, it’s so good.

Jaime: And they, these are complex, um, women who make bad choices, and they self sabotage and they do things that are kind of frowned upon in society, and yet I love them, these women, and it’s like, if I can love these women for all their flaws, then maybe I'm okay too. And I think that we, we have to allow women to be flawed and lovable instead of just being cute little heroines that kind of support men at all times. I mean, it’s changed so much, that’s kind of, like the old, the old order of what it used to be, like, but yeah, it’s exciting.

Dana: That happe- That was what was written in my yearbook! Just, Dana Piccoli, flawed but lovable.

Jaime: Ah! [laughs]

Dana: So I totally, I totally can appreciate that.

Jaime: Was it that? Was it- that would be the best!

Dana: [laughs] I love that.

Jaime: Flawed and lovable, not but.

Dana: Oh yeah, yes, flawed and lovable, sorry, sorry. That’s, that’s what, that’s where I went wrong in the yearbook.

Jaime: Exactly.

Dana: Uh, J- Jaime. A lot has been made of this, the apples scene.

Jaime: Yes.

Dana: Do you think I smell apples is basically saying “I love you”? Were you, what do you think that Helena was trying to express at that time?

Jaime: I, I, I think that it was, um, a sense of, uh, acceptance, and, um, and, and, and, and, and love, I mean, uh, because Helena had always been such a, kind of a troubled character in so many ways and she had kind of, um, these struggles and this darkness and these mental health issues and I think that “I smell apples” was a, a, a wa- wa- was, she, she’d kind of come to the light, you know, she, she had, had kind of accepted herself, and it was such an altruistic act of love, she was sacrificing herself in order to save the others, that it was true love, like she’d overcome the darkness. So it was, uh, I, I, I, I, love that, uh, moment, yeah, that kind of-

Jo: I know we wanted, uh, one of the most beautiful definitions of love onscreen is recognition of your soul in someone else.

Dana: Mhmm.

Jo: That’s really what happens, and I thought that when Jaime did that, there was a very beautiful, I mean it’s sort of like Romeo and Juliet. You see this moment of, and we talked about it earlier, that energy, that to me is that. what that is-

Jaime: Yes.

Jo: -the scene is, “I smell apples.” It’s these two people who see each other in each other and are profoundly connected, whether, in whatever way that it is, it’s just a profound connection, you know, and so often we find boxes to put these connections in, you know, as humans, we want to make sense, we want to make logic of them, you know, which is, I think, um, why storytelling suffers in the representation, because you want to define what a thing is and kind of, um, the most beautiful things about some of the most special relationships is they, they're beyond what you can say they are, they’re beyond categorization, they are, you know...

Jaime: I, I, I definitely think that, although it wasn’t written in that way, I mean, if you actually go back and look at the footage, I’m saying “I love you” to, uh, uh, HG is saying “I love you” to Myka and Myka is is let-

Jo: I only think that’s what she was saying.

Jaime: -letting, letting it land.

Dana: Confirmation, folks! Confirmation, um, everyone!

Jo: In here. [points to head]

Dana: Write it in your vows, write it now in your vows!

Jo: Dana, you’re funny! [laughs]

Dana: Thank you!

Jaime: But wh- when, when did I come back and I was like, married to, what-

Dana: You, you weren't married, you were with a gentleman, and he had a, a young child and-

Jaime: And he was a bit of a drip as well!

Jo: And the house was very suburban, that’s all I remember was, I like walked into this house and I was like-

Jaime: That was, was that, I don’t really know the chronological, um, ordering, but like, I had like a ponytail, and I had a, possibly-

Jo: You were probably like driving a minivan.

Dana: You were teaching, you were teaching, weren’t you?

Jaime: Cause wasn’t I [indecipherable]

Jo: It’s okay, Jaime, I [indecipherable]

Dana: You were like in Phoenix or something.

Jaime: Yeah so, so what was that, after a bit I, so like “I smell apples” was the ending of my character, right? So like that, was that after a bit-

Dana: Right, and then you got rev- you were brought back-

Jaime: Right.

Dana: And then you kind of disappeared for a bit.

Jaime: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Dana: Yes. Yeah, um-

Jaime: Yeah.

Dana: The, um, the, the, uh, the fans [laughs] were, um, confused by that, were like what?

Jaime: I d- I’m confused, I’m confused! [laughs]

Jo: Not just the fans, not just the fans.

Jaime: Well, I actually, um, I, I, I really want to go back and see that scene, um, I, I feel like you came to, I don’t, I was living in like suburbia-

Dana: Mhm.

Jaime: And, and didn’t you come to-

Jo: I don't remember.

Jaime: -the house and I, I think you came to-

Jo: I remember that horrible house though, because it was like, it… [makes disgusted face]

Jaime: It was so weird and I was like hello, I’m kind of like a completely different woman!

Jo: It was like very Stepford, I like, I walked in and, I don’t know why Myka was so accepting, I would’ve taken a baseball bat to the house, gonna be like, we’re leaving!

Jaime: So, so, so, so, I, so I, Jack, so Jack, Jack-

Jo: Get out of here, you drank the Kool Aid!

Jaime: I remember Jack was there and I was like, um, uh, oh, like this, like, like this doesn't work because of this and this doesn’t work because of that, and I was having a little, kind of like a creative difference with him, and, and he left for the day, he left for the day, and I really want to go back and see that s- that, that scene, because I remember I was asking him if I could, yeah, I know it’s, it says this but could I play it like this? And I do- I remember he didn’t want me to for the storyline, but I remember he left. [laughs] So I’d love to go back and see, I, I remember think- feeling like I was quite naughty, that I actually got away with it, but, uh-

Dana: Oh, I am loving all the subversive shit that was happening behind the scenes. [laughs]

Jaime: Yeah. [laughs]

Jo: Do you remember the park bench as well? Remember that scene, it was-

Jaime: Oh, yeah, a bench.

Jo: Wasn’t that a bench?

Jaime: Oh, that was a love scene, that was a love scene.

Jo: That was a, yeah, we really went for that one. [all laugh]

Jo: Everyone was like, what? And I’m like, well, we’re doing it. Might as well!

Jaime: [laughs] And we’re in like, Toronto, and everyone behind the camera, like, they’re very blokey, and it’s not in the script, and then they're like, “oh I didn’t, they’re, they’re, oh I didn’t see that coming!” [laughs]

Jo: They were like, what are you guys doing? We’re like, we’ll figure it out! [laughing]

Jaime: Exactly! We’re just doing our own thing. [laughs]

Dana: Oh, a little, a little mutiny, a little bit! [laughs] Well we, we, we’ve ha- we’ve had such incredible conversation so far, and I have so many fan questions for you, and if we were onstage everyone would get to come up to the mic-

Jaime: Aw.

Dana: -and ask you questions, but I do have a bunch of questions that were sent in, um, so I do want to get to your fans, because your fans are so integral to keeping this like-

Jo: That’s why we’re here.

Dana: -story alive. Uh, let’s see here. Let’s kick it off. Alright, so wellsbering wants to know, what personality traits do you share with your characters?

Jaime: Well I think, I think that, um, I, uh, definitely always get cast as the baddie for whatever reason, but then I think that, um, really the quirky mess that I, I, I morphed into is basically me. [all laugh]

Jo: I like that answer, that’s great. Um, I, uh, am very A-type when it comes to certain things, and Myka very much, I’m very like, flowy, Myka wa- didn’t flow, but there are certain parts of my life where I’m not flowy around. My work is one of them, writing is another one. Um, and I’m very afraid of letting people down. I think that’s why I've been, I was te- telling a lot of the people that I was talking to today that, you know, the reason I didn’t do this a lot when the show was on, I couldn’t understa- i was like, why do people wanna meet me? They're gonna meet me and be disappointed.

Dana: Ohhhh.

Jo: Yeah.

Dana: I think everyone thinks that though, I think that’s very common.

Jo: I think tha- yeah, I think that’s the human condition, right?

Dana: Yes.

Jo: Um, but, but I think Myka and I share that sort of reserve, you know, that thing where you’re like I don’t, no, don’t get too close. I’m like a Monet, stay back. [laughs]

Jaime: And I, I think that was part of the chemistry as well, it’s like, you have that kind of like, you know, protectio- protective-

Jo: Yeah.

Jaime: -kind of like, edge. And so it’s like, if, I think that i- in a way, the gift that we had by it not being written for us is, if had been written we would’ve, the characters would’ve made each other, um, accessible to each other far too quickly. It was like the slow burn of, Myka could be quite prickly, and my character was completely messed up so it was kind of like, this kind of like energy between them where they were kind of like, you know, like working each other out, feeling each other out-

Jo: Is there? Is there an energy there?

Jaime: And then the laughs were well earned, and the smiles, and the deciding to work together was well earned. There was a, a lot of suspicion around each other, and when they opened up or they kind of let their guard down, it was hard earned, and and it was like, you know, something you would wanna rejoice at.

Jo: Yeah, aw, I love that.

Dana: Um, okay, so this is from mayberrycosplay, uh, you may remember mayberrycosplay, I believe one of them dressed as HG at a con, uh-

Jaime: Oh!

Dana: -but they wondered-

Jaime: I’ve seen a few HGs.

Dana: You’ve seen a few HGs.

Jaime: [laughs]

Dana: This is for Jo about, uh, Myka’s experience with ovarian cancer and, uh, like, how the awareness of this silent killer of women, like how that storyline, what that storyline meant to you and how it felt to portray that?

Jo: I was really nervous about that storyline, you know, anything that has affected people and their families and, and it’s always, I, you know, difficult territory to walk as an actor, especially in a show like Warehouse where there's so much happening on such a grand level that I’m like, are they going to pay attention to this? Are they going to really honor a storyline like this? was my concern, you know, like very often things like that are added like, uh, it’s like putting a robot arm on a story, and you're like oh, and by the way, there’s ovarian cancer! And so I was really, you know, concerned about showing up for that and, and, and and serving it in a way that people understood and, and could identify with that, you know, it’s such a catharsis, that’s what I think it’s supposed to be. Um, so it was, uh, I, the fans told me I pulled it off, that’s the only way that I know.

Dana: Well it meant a tremendous amount to, to mayberrycosplay and so that’s why they, they sent that in because it, it really affected them because of their own personal-

Jo: Yeah.

Dana: -you know, family journeys and such.

Jo: Well I’m so, so, thank you, I mean, I’m still wondering, you know, I worked really hard to make sure that was in there. We’ve all lost somebody to cancer, we all know what that’s like, we all know- I mean, I mean, I certainly have, to feel a lump and be like [does the Home Alone face] you know. I have two friends right now who are going through it, so I try to honor it in the best way. I- it’s one of the things that makes me want to be an actor, uh, that I think is so special about it is that you get to tell stories that people, it’s a group catharsis, you know, so I’m glad that, glad they think I, the only thing that, if they think I sh- I showed up then... [laughs] yes, good, good, good.

Dana: Um, let’s see here, cloxy813 wants to know what was your favorite, favorite scene to film together?

Jo: Probably the heaving bosoms scene. I was excited for the heaving bosoms scene, which was all like [mimes placing gun to forehead] kill me!

Jaime: [laughs]

Dana: Hashtag heaving bosoms scene.

Jo: It was so hot that day, I remember my tank top-

Jaime: So hot, oh my god, it was like-

Jo: It was like, my tank top, I would like look down and find, I was like, my boobs are out, um. [laughs] I just saw him sign, them sign, um.

Jaime: We were by that lake, I just wanted to dive in there. It was-

Jo: Yeah, yeah, yeah, but I loved, I loved, I loved doing that scene, I have to say. And, and the chess scene, I remember that.

Jaime: Oh yeah.

Jo: I remember that very well. Um, I really enjoyed my work with Jaime because I, as I said, you know, there’s not a lot of scenes that are two women just being women. It was so, it was like a breath of fresh air and so I, I wasn't, I was, uh, you know, a lot of the times Myka was there to witness Pete-

Jaime: Or, or, or to laugh, or to kind of laugh and sigh at his super funny jokes.

Jo: The funny jokes... um, so, so it was so nice to not ha- be in a scene from that point of view. So often women are are written as accessories-

Jaime: Yeah.

Jo: You know, and, and this was a storyline where I felt like she was a whole person and I could be like a whole, real person, I didn't have to be like-

Jaime: I, I, I, I, I was on a show called Hustle and there was a character on it called Danny Blue, and he had all the funny lines, and one of the refrains that I had was “oh Danny. Oh Danny,” where every time he said something cheeky or naughty or a joke I’d go “oh Danny,” and I remember just being so excited to get the job, but then after awhile like me saying “oh Danny” really wore thin, especially as off camera I feel like I was more witty! [laughs] In that space I was much more funny, but all the funny was written for him, and I was going “oh Danny.” So when I came in I really, I kind of, um, you know, I knew the frustration of playing the, kind of, you, you know-

Jo: Straight man.

Dana: The “oh Danny.”

Jo: -if you were playing, right, right, the brainiac, uptight brainiac, and Pete had all the funny lines, so obviously we were in a lot of scenes with the rest of the cast and keeping the story going, but I felt as though all the character stuff that we had as, as women came from the scenes when we were on our own, and obviously that first scene with the grappler, um, you know, was, it was kind of the first scene where I’d been playing kind of like a little, kind of kind of like sneaky little looks and curiosity and fascination with this woman-

Dana: Yeah, we noticed.

Jaime: And, but, but, I, but, it wasn’t until the grappler scene that I thought that, that i was starting to get this, kind of, this chemistry going, and then there was a scene, do you remember the scene where I didn’t know how to work a computer or open it, it was like a, I was like a monkey-

Jo: Yeah [laughs] yeah.

Jaime: I was like a, it was like, I didn’t know what this is, we were-

Dana: Well, I mean in, in f- in fairness you had been in bronze for a long time.

Jaime: -we were in like a stu- a student room, a student's room, it was-

Jo: Yeah, we were at the college, we were at U of T.

Jaime: And, and. and we’d, it was the first time we’d deci- you’d, you’d kind of begrudgingly decided that we could work together, and HG was kind of a little thrilled, and you were a bit begrudging and-

Jo: Yeah.

Jaime: There was all, we, we still had to, ‘cause like, in sci-fi there’s a lot of storyline and exposition and kind of fantastical stuff, which is super fun, but actually as actors you really get excited about the character stuff and there was always just this great character stuff whenever we were on our own with a scene-

Jo: Yeah.

Jaime: -um, because we didn’t have to worry so much about servicing all the other characters, we just serviced each other.

Dana: Well, you know, there are only two kinds of queer women. It is thrilling or begrudging, it’s one or the other. [all laugh]

Dana: They fit perfectly in there.

Jaime: I mean maybe that’s why it resonated so well, and maybe it was the reason it was so great, that it wasn’t written, because you had these two kind of like, kind of sli- slightly spiky kind of like flawed women, kind of like o- one, you know, one not particularly into the other at all, you know, so-

Jo: It was interesting, I still remember, I still remember receiving that energy and receiving that stuff and realizing, sort of plotting, cause I’m like, how long would it take Myka to figure this out?

Jaime: [laughs]

Jo: Seriously, I was like, cause, Joanne is not her,, I’m, you know, I’m wasn’t in the box that she, I always thought, Jack’s like, you’re exactly like that character, I’m nothing, I’m not- [laughs] I mean there’s a part of me that’s uptight but there's a part of me that’s most definitely not, so I was like how, and I really wanted to do the discovery of it within her, the like, this, the, this feeling started, and then her sort of, and M-Myka to me as a character as a whole was always somebody who was afraid, this is somebody who was always very scared of everything and presented themselves in this very [mimes acting stuffy and uptight] way because there was so much going on here [gestures to heart] and it was slow in the five seasons, I really wanted her to like, you know, relax and start laughing and not be so, and I was like, there’s a certain amount of wonder that was like-

Jaime: Endless wonder.

Jo: -ohhhh, ohhhhh, ohhhh, like you kind of see her, one of the things about that journey is you start to see her discover sort of herself and her own feeling surrounding that, which I thought was really special.

Jaime: And also you, um, you, you kind of ended up, you, you know, HG was kind of like a tricky character and she was always one step ahead, um for, that first season, but then when she started to fall apart, you were the one that kind of put her together, and then I felt like there was also this humor introduced, this lightness introduced to your character through the humor el- elements-

Jo: Yeah.

Jaime: -and the surprise, which was, um, really lovely for your character.

Jo: Yeah, I, I think for m- for me, you know, it was a decision I made like in season two that I k- she had to evolve and grow and sort of, um, I couldn’t, I was, I was, I was like, I can’t keep coming to work and putting a giant stick up my ass [laughs] like we’re doing, like I need just to like expand her and go towards her relaxing and really finding, I think for her the big thing was always finding connection, you know, this-

Dana: Sure.

Jo: -we, we see in the beginning of the show is, it’s very cut off, very isolated, very like, and I, she lost her partner, that was, when I read that script, immediately I was like, this is someone who’s so scared of losing people again that she’s never gonna let anyone else in, and that was sort of like my understanding of her. And when Jaime came on, it was such a great way to explore that, Myka opening, you know, as feelings developed, her opening, you know-

Dana: Well, that, the growth, the character journey that both of your, your characters went on, I think that is what makes the show still so enduring to fans, like why they feel so connected to it, because we do, we saw that journey, you know, both of you had your own journeys to go on and you somehow managed to cross, cross paths, and it may not have ended the way fans had wanted it to, but we still go so much out of it.

Jo: I’m so glad.

Dana: I wish it was endgame, but what can I do?

Jaime: We, we, we need a spinoff show for Jo and I, we, we need a spinoff show.

Dana: Okay, yes, the spinoff, okay! You need to talk about that because-

Jaime: Who do we need to talk to to make that happen?

Dana: I got in a lot of trouble on Twitter yesterday for not asking a spinoff question, uh, what, like, what would a spinoff look like between between HG and Myka?

Jo: I think it would be have, to be now, which we-

Dana: Yeah.

Jo: And we’d have to get her, there’s no ponytails in this story, there’s no suburbs, there’s no fucking ponytails, um, no-

Jaime: I won- I won- I wonder if, um, it could be now, but, or, I wonder if I, I had to come in for a mission and then I actually pulled you back into my time, that might be an interesting way to turn it on its head.

Dana: Ooh, Jaime Murray, there we go!

Jaime: If we both had to go back-

Dana: I love me some period.

Jaime: -into my time or you know what made me think that [she does the Jaime Murray hair flip™] what I-

Jo: [laughs]

Jaime: I saw that, I saw that ne- The Nevers-

Jo: I miss that hair flip!

Jaime: -the, the, the a- the adverts for The Nevers on HBO, and I’m like that is the HG Wells spinoff right there, and I was like super fucked that I wasn’t in that, and then I read that Joss Whedon was a consultant and I was like [inaudible] really bad, so, but, anyway I think that that’s what we should do. I, I’m also obsessed with that time period.

Jo: I mean, yeah, and also like it was real, yeah-

Jaime: It was the beginning of ps-

Jo: Yeah.

Jaime: -psychology, of like Tesla, of of like different thoughts, there was like, they were like spiritual, um, kind of scientists and atheism and there was all it this opportunity for change, which actually wasn’t taken, but it was actually, it’s super interesting right at the time, there was suffragettes-

Jo: Also a fish out of water for me would be so wacky, because I’m a fish out of water too, alright.

Dana: I’m curious if yo all saw the Saturday Night Live sketch the other, uh, last week with, uh, lesbian period drama-

Jaime: Oh!

Dana: -and how, how every lesbian, like anything that features lesbians now has to be- [laughs]

Jaime: Well have you e- have you ever-

Dana: -it’s like the Edwardian or, like the Edwardian times.

Jaime: Have you guys read Sarah Waters, do you know this?

Dana: Oh, of course!

Jaime: Like, so, and maybe that is actually what helped me get to HG Wells, but I loved those books when-

Dana: Oh, they’re so amazing.

Jaime: -I was growing up and I feel like we should make those o- we should remake one of those b- Jo, you’ve got to read those books, and then-

Jo: I’m writing it down! I’m taking notes!

Jaime: Oh, it’s amazing.

Dana: You two would be amazing in her most recent one.

Jaime: She writes these amazing Edwardian, Edwardian kind of wanton lust and then there’s like, like the vervain or whatever, that kind of drug that they used to take back then-

Jo: Opium?

Jaime: -so it’s like slightly, kind of like psychedelic, oh, it’s amazing, yeah, she’s amazing.

Dana: [laughs] Well, we unfortunately are out of time, and it’s been so much fun to talk to the two of you, and I, I love the love that you have for your characters, for your friendship, for the fans, uh, it’s, it’s so lovely to see, and thank you so much for making this work in your schedules, I know you’re both super busy doing your own projects, um, and I want to think Mark. Mark, you’re amazing, thank you so much for, for interpreting.

Jaime: Thank you, Mark!

Jo: Thank you, Mark!

Dana: Um, do you have anything you want to end with, to say to the, to the Bering lesbians out there?

Jaime: Well, first of all, I want to say that, um, if anyone sends me messages to, you know, pictures or anything that that Jo needs to see, I’ll make sure that Jo, Jo gets it, ‘cause she’s not on social media, and I’ll, I’ll share stuff with her so that she can kind of know the love from the community.

Dana: Yeah, great.

Jo: I think, um, I’m actually gonna try to put together a newsletter because I’m trying to get my shows made and I could use this community, you know, to help-

Dana: Oh, we will support you to the end! We will march off that cliff with you.

Jaime: I could help you make a Twitter account, just for our community.

Jo: I don’t wanna do Twitter, I wanna do a newsletter. [laughs] I don’t wanna, I don’t know how many characters are in it, but it’s not enough. [laughs]

Jaime: But Jo, Jo, you have to actually read some of the fanfiction. The fanfiction is epic.

Jo: I have a book that I got, somebody wrote a book-

Jaime: Unbelievable, oh my god.

Jo: -like a novel.

Jaime: They’re brilliant, these people are brilliant, like best fans ever.

Dana: There is some really incredible work out there.

Jaime: Well, do you want to-

Jo: I just wanted to say thank you to everyone, um, you know, I don’t do these very often, and just like, the outpouring of love, like just the connection, I really appreciate it, I’m so grateful, so thank you.

Jaime: Yeah, it’s such a beautiful community. I feel really proud to have been welcomed into it and, uh, very grateful.

Dana: Well, we’ll hope to see you another time, and thank you all who turned in to this panel. [Jaime blows kisses]

Jo: Thank you.

Jaime: Bye, guys.

Dana: Do you smell apples?

Jaime: Bye, Jo, I love you so much.

Jo: Do you smell apples? I love you too. [blows kiss] I’ll talk to you soon.

Jaime: Yes, I’ll see you later. Bye bye, darlings.

Jo: Bye.

#bering and wells #myka x hg #hg x myka #joanne kelly #jaime murray #warehouse 13 #clexacon #clexacon 2021 #myka bering #hg wells #helena wells #nerdsbians

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inhonoredglory · 3 years

Note

another character based question - how do you feel about mikasa? a lot of fans dont like her, im curious about how you feel! - armin anon

Hellooooo Armin Anon. OMG it’s been forever since I had the time to sit down and do a proper meta, and I apologize.

First off, I finished the manga!!! (So, spoilers ahead for anyone else reading this.) I had to lie down after reading 139. It’s a tremendous story and I’m still taking it all in. The set pieces and personal/emotional stakes of everything that happens is just astounding. If it’s one thing Isayama does good, it’s the gut-wrenching personal anguish that underlies the action. I’m absolutely floored. My favorite bit was probably the timey-wimey stuff in Paths and Eren. That blew my freaking mind. But onto Mikasa!!

A Cruel Yet Beautiful World

I remember way back when I started the anime that I started liking Mikasa first out of the group. I liked how sullenly silent and no-nonsense she was, and I liked her loyalty to Eren. Her emotion, especially when Eren died in Trost, was palpable and terrifyingly beautiful. Her grief was incredibly realistic––rushing off with a death wish that even she couldn’t succumb to in the end, because of the drive to fight that she got from Eren. In a world like SNK, her relentlessness breaking through her grief was incredibly moving. And her philosophy is basically the driving theme of SNK: “This is a cruel world, and yet so beautiful.”

This is the same moral message she gives Eren when he can’t find the strength in him to fight Annie––and gives him that warm, understanding, inscrutable smile that allows him to finally accept his own monsters, fight Annie, and save her and Armin. (One of my favorite panels of her from the manga, actually.) Mikasa is basically the first character we meet who embodies this contradictory morality, which grows to engulf SNK and other characters as well (Levi, Reiner, and Armin especially come to mind). Which could be why I was drawn to her at the start, since the complex moral outlook of SNK was the primary reason I fell hard for this story.

(And gosh, it’s tragic to realize that it’s teaching moments like the scene above that made Eren into the person who could influence his own child self to murder, the person who could wipe out so much of humanity, the person who could take Ymir’s challenge to free her by destroying the love of the person who cared the most about him. I’m still processing yo.)

Acker-parallels

I started really analyzing Mikasa when I had to defend her from a friend of mine who accused her of resenting Levi (for beating up Eren) and that’s why she attacked him so violently in the RTS serumbowl. Because of my research into rebutting that, a lot of my affection for Mikasa now comes in seeing the little ways in which she cares and trusts other people, including Armin, Levi, Gabi, and Jean. And her quiet sensibility that goes beyond her love and protectiveness of Eren.

With Levi in particular, I find a lot I like about her. Because you can definitely see her annoyance at him, but she also trusts him more than anyone else in the Corps outside of Armin. After Levi’s violent encounter with Historia, she was the only one who implicitly trusted Levi’s judgement, backing up Armin’s more reasoned logic. She sees beyond her own emotions and even moral feelings and realizes the world is cruel enough that sometimes people have to do dark things to help others and survive.

This is very much the same statement Levi made to the 104th when he had asked them to follow Erwin’s orders when the commander’s plans were questionable on the surface: “Do you trust him? Those dumb enough to say yes… come with me.” These two understand each other on a moral level, and they ask for their comrades’ loyalty without demanding it, because they each know that everyone’s conscience is their own.

There’s a clear parallel between Mikasa and Levi, not only because of their Ackerman heritage and sensibilities (loyal to a fault to their chosen person, impossibly strong, quiet and grim), but their frustration when they cannot protect the people they are responsible for. They both know they are the strongest around, and if they cannot fulfill on that power, a lot of people will die.

There are many moments in which Mikasa puts aside her personal feelings to do her soldierly duty, from leaving Eren to help with the evacuation of Trost to leaving Eren and Armin to fight the Colossal Titan alone in Shigonshina.

And then there’s the fact that Levi’s the one who could break past Mikasa’s headspace and distraction so that she can do the right thing. He understands her strong emotion, he respects it, but he also knows when that has to be put aside for the greater good. But he doesn’t put her down for having those emotions, either.

Strength from Eren, Humanity from Armin

Mikasa’s love and loyalty to Eren challenges her tremendously after the timeskip and her sorrow at Eren’s change is what really stands out to me about her character in the Marley arc. The absolute grief in her eyes when she tells Eren what he’s done is devastating, and it shows just how much goodness and compassion she does have.

And yet she longs to understand Eren, to trust him, to believe there can be something redeeming, and not merely jaded and tired, in what he taught her so many years ago––to fight, to win, to live.

There’s such a difference between these same words said here by Mikasa, so many years later, after so much heartbreak, to the anger and flame that were in them when she first heard them, back when she realized that this was the way of the world. That death and killing happens in the natural world everyday and that’s how you survive. That the world is both cruel and beautiful.

And yet as the years wore on, as Mikasa grew closer to others, found purpose in protecting others, sought a life with Eren… as she wandered further into the forest of life and society and relationships, she lost some of that simple injunction... to live is to fight, to fight is to win. She, like so many of the 104th and the others on this journey, found that it’s not enough to just fight and live and be satisfied. We really want it all to mean something, to have our actions be redemptive. To allow ourselves to believe that we do what we’re doing because we’re not just saving ourselves, but saving others, “saving the world” like Yelena points out (in the forest therapy session pfff). And it’s that drive for something bigger in our actions that grieves her so much with Eren, because as she wants her own actions to be fundamentally good and selfless, she wants his actions to be moral as well.

So while Eren is the person that frustrates Mikasa and motivates her to become stronger and braver than she ever was, Armin is the person who humanizes Mikasa and allows her the space to be gentle and vulnerable. She comforts Armin, confides in him, puts her faith in him, and puts her life in his hands.

She trusts Armin with Eren, and she values Armin’s intellect and compassion, qualities she doesn’t have in nearly as much quantities as he does: “There are only so many lives I can value. And… I decided who those people were six years ago. So... you shouldn’t try to ask for my pity. Because right now, I don’t have time to spare or room in my heart.”

This bit from her confrontation with Ymir and Historia was a defining moment for me with Mikasa. It’s honest and realistic in a way that few of us care to admit about ourselves, and it’s just super chilling and badass coming from her, too. It also shows how much she fights for Armin and Eren both. They are the two people she loves the most in the world, and she never gave up on saving either of them––from death or from themselves.

I’m looking back on Trost now and finding so much irony with the ending to SNK. In Trost, she was the one to give up on Eren, telling Armin that it was hopeless to try to extract Eren’s personality from his Titan form. And yet, like in the end, it’s always been between Armin and Mikasa to try to salvage Eren’s humanity. In Trost, Armin tells Mikasa to leave––to go do what she’s good at (saving lives)––and to entrust Eren to him.

It’s a huge expression of both Mikasa’s trust in Armin, and her belief in Armin’s abilities and friendship for Eren. And in the end, it’s the two of them again debating on if there’s any humanity left in Eren. The bond they share is intimate and deep. With all the military doubting Eren and scheming to take away his Titan (with even Jean and Connie unavailable to them emotionally), it’s only Armin and Mikasa against the world––the only two people who can truly consider Eren’s actions and hold off on judging him. And you can feel their love for him even as they doubt him.

And like back then, it has always been Armin who understands Eren most, the one who recognizes his own evil and Eren’s and finds a redemption in having others stop you, because you cannot stop yourself.

And that’s the thing I really take away from SNK and from Mikasa’s journey, that we all have devils inside us, and yet there is still beauty to be found, within us and in the world––from the natural wonders that Armin dreams of, to the comfort of purpose and companionship that Mikasa has in Eren. Love and wonder is what redeems us of our devils. And yet love itself is complicated, and can turn ugly in its obsession. That giving up that love is what makes the love selfless and beautiful, what absolves us of the selfishness within us. That’s what Mikasa learned. And in the end, she was able to release that love for the good of the world.

So I guess to sum up, I really love Mikasa. I can see why her dogged loyalty to Eren might annoy some fans, but I think there’s a lot more to her than simply that, and in fact, her journey and growth is heart-rending and one of the most symbolic arcs of SNK and fundamental to its entire theme. She’s a badass with a lot of emotion and depth behind her cold mask.

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13uswntimagines · 3 years

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Love You or Lose You (Alpha Soran x Omega Reader)

Request: This is the first part to the Prequel for Playing with Fire. Its right after the 2016 Olympics, and R missed the PK instead of Christen. Things have been rough with her Alphas and she just needs a fresh Start. Barca might be the start she was after, but her mates might not like that too much... Especially when she leaves in the middle of the night.

Basically 4000 words of Lindsey and Emily being idiots, R being sad and Preath and Kellex being worried.

The air was heavy in the locker room, pressing into you like an anvil settled on your soul. You could remember a time when you had felt at home here. Like you belonged here.

A time when Lindsey and Emily had actually loved you, and you didn’t feel like an unneeded (or wanted) burden on the national team (more like your family).

You shook your head, tucking your frame tighter into the small locker that belonged to your most dominant alpha, pulling a leftover sweater tighter against your face.

No. The locker that belonged to Lindsey. She wasn’t your alpha anymore, she had said so herself, but your inner omega still cried out for her and Emily nonetheless. A fight didn’t change the marks on your neck, or what your inner animal knew to be true.

Yet it changed everything if the unbearable pain ripping through your chest was anything to go by.

Another sob left your lips, muffled only slightly by the heavy material of Lindsey’s sweatshirt that smelled distinctly like both her and Emily. It did little to ease your instincts, but you would take whatever you could get right now.

There was no reason to hold back your tears, there was no one else there to see them anyway. No one who would come looking for the source of the distressed pheromones you were emitting. No one to care that you were falling apart. It didn’t matter that you were all in the same city.

They were all too busy trying to process their own issues from the loss. The loss you knew fell squarely on your shoulder. If only you had made that PK, none of this would have happened.

You shuttered at the mix of emotions trickling down your mating bond. Lindsey’s anger and Emily’s clear frustration. You gulped pushing against their emotions with an overwhelming wave of your own. You willed as much calm as you could muster down the bond-forming a little barrier between your omega and their alphas, and shoved your own despair as far away from it as you could.

The block wouldn’t hold forever, but it would do the job for now. Bonds were a bitch to shut down completely, and a permanent block was going to have to be something you figured out later.

Your inner omega growled, digging her claws into your brain. While the human side of your head got why you were doing this, your animal side was loath to deny your alphas the privilege of your deepest emotions. Especially when she thought they could fix it if they knew.

You let out a little whimper at the sound of the door, tucking yourself tighter into a ball as footsteps approached.

“Hey, Kid just thought I’d let you know your Uber is here,”

You peeked out at the kind voice, semi soothing scent, and worried eyes of the athletic. You tried to smile at the woman, but you knew she wasn’t fooled. She knew you too well for that.

“Thanks Bailey,” You sniffled, easing into a sitting position and turning to fully face the woman, and running a hand through your wild hair (only making it messier than it was before).

“I’m gonna miss you kid,” She said, and you could tell that she wanted to say more. But both of you knew it wouldn’t change anything. The deal was done and you couldn’t find it within yourself to regret it.

“I’m gonna miss you too, but you know I can’t stay,”

She nodded, she would have left too if she was in your shoes. Barça was making lemonade out of rotten lemons.

You took another gulping breath into Lindsey’s sweatshirt before shoving it into your backpack, and standing. Your eyes strayed towards the other lockers around you, landing on several items of clothing left by your friends.

“Doesn’t mean I have to like it,” She grumbled under her breath as she headed towards the door.

“No, it doesn’t,” You breathed out, heading towards the various lockers instead of the door.

Leaving here would be like leaving a part of your soul behind. Your fingers traced over the wooden panels that outlined each locker. You only paused twice. Once outside Emily’s locker to steal a coveted Virginia soccer t-shirt and again at Tobin’s taking a re-inc sweater that you knew Christen wore more than Tobin and a LFG t-shirt that smelled distinctly like Kellex.

The quad (as the national team called them) were your team moms, and their scents all comforted you. They would make whatever apartment you ended up in in Barça feel like home.

Bailey raised her eyebrow at you as you stuffed the items into your backpack. You just shrugged. “they won’t miss them anyway,”

It was true, and even if it wasn’t you were sure Chris would still back you up when she found out exactly why you left.

You paused at the door, taking one last glance around the room, looking for some sign to stay. You rubbed your chest when another wave of negative emotions from your mates passed through your bond.

You cleared your throat and shook your head at Bailey’s raised eyebrows. The weight in your chest told you that you were making exactly the right move.

She sighed, leading you towards the loading bay where your Uber was waiting.

“Thank you… for everything,” You said softly, pulling the older omega into a tight hug. She knew you meant more than walking you to the car park. She was there for you when no one else was, and you would be eternally grateful for all she had done for you.

She held you for a long moment, rocking you side to side before pulling back to hold you at arm's length. “You got it, kid. Be safe and text me when you land alright?”

You gave her a nod and a tight smile. “Look after them?”

She rolled her eyes. If those two idiots had done anything even close to what they had done to you to her, she wouldn’t have been nearly as forgiving as you seemed to be.

Then again you were also moving to Spain.

“Of course,” She said, shoeing you towards the car.

She would make sure they were very informed on how you were doing.

****

Christen knew that there was something wrong. Very wrong. Before her phone even dinged. She could feel it in her bond with you. The torrent of emotions that had suddenly shifted into a calm she had never felt from you before.

The bond the two of you shared was a special one, forged the moment she had laid eyes on you (even more special than the one you shared with her mates). The second your small, skittish form had entered the dining hall (tucked carefully under Emily's arm) her omega had claimed you as its pup, and you latched onto her quiet calm nature without a second thought.

She knew you almost as well as your mates knew you, and the bond you shared (while different) was nearly as strong. And therefore your bond with the rest of the quad was also relatively strong.

For an unknown reason, it was keeping her awake. It was like her omega was waiting for a sign, something to tell her that you were safe and sound.

She practically jumped out of her skin at the ding of her phone, fumbling to unlock the screen and find the message you had sent her.

She froze when her alpha shifted against her, inadvertently jostling the two omega’s attached to her other side.

“Wha- appened?” Tobin mumbled, nuzzling into her stomach. Christen sighed at the wave of soothing scents that Tobin let off, trying to calm her nerves even in sleep.

“Shh, baby bear is texting me. Go back to sleep,” Christen said, scratching the alphas scalp gently with one hand and pulling up the text with the other.

She blinked at the bright screen once, twice, three times.

It was five words, cold and emotionless. It reminded her of the call marines made to their parents when they went to boot camp.

Landed in Spain. I’m fine.

She couldn’t help her sharp intake of breath at the singular line, or the anxiety that suddenly engulfed her heart (immediately jolting all 3 of her mates awake).

Before she could even blink she was moved onto Tobin’s lap, and Alex and Kelley cuddled tightly into either side of her. She could feel their concern flowing down their bond, and their efforts to comfort even though they had no idea what had caused such a strong response.

“What’s up with baby bear?” Tobin said, gently rocking from side to side.

Christen’s mouth opened and closed several times as she tried to parse out what emotions were hers, what emotions were coming from her mating bond, and the irritating calm that was coming from her bond with you.

“I…-I don’t,” She stuttered, unable to skate the feeling that there was something very bad behind the steadfast wall you had thrown up in your bond.

“Give me that,” Kelley half growled, pulling the phone out from Christen’s loose grip.

She didn’t like to be woken up in the middle of the night, and she would kill your mates if you were texting Christen because of something stupid they did. You had sent them way too many texts like that already if she was honest.

“What the fuck?” She breathed out when her eyes landed on the words. This was so much worse than Soran being dumbasses.

“What?” Alex asked, yanking the phone away from Kelley.

Be nice,” Tobin chastised lightly, leaning over to read the words that had sent her most dominant omega mate into a tailspin.

She frowned at the bright screen, trying to remember the last time the two of you had really talked. Had you mentioned moving to Spain in passing? Had she just blown it off?

A charged silence hung between them. They all knew you were taking the loss hard, and that you and your mates were struggling to work your way through the slew of emotions that came with it. But they never imagined it would come to this. That you would literally flee the country.

“This is a joke right?” Kelley asked, her voice cracking.

“It’s gotta be,” Alex mumbled in disbelief. You were her cuddle buddy, her baby bear. You couldn’t have left the country without saying goodbye first.

“I’m going to find out,” Christen said finally, taking back her phone.

She bit her lip, pressing your contact picture and holding the phone to her ear. It rang once and then went voicemail. She frowned, shaking her head at her mates, ending the call. Maybe you accidentally pressed the wrong button.

She pressed your contact photo a second time.

Again it rang once and went to voicemail. It definitely wasn’t a coincidence this time, and she would bet anything that the boring automated greeting that came on instead of your goofy one wasn’t a coincidence either.

She sighed, waiting for the beep. “Hey kiddo, um I got your text and I thought we could have a check-in maybe? Call me back when you can,” She paused, unsure of how to finish. She didn’t think anything she said would ease the ache in her chest. “we love you,”

“Call Lindsey,” Tobin said firmly, an order lurking just below the words. If you weren’t going to give them answers, then your alphas better be ready to explain what the fuck was going on.

*****

Lindsey didn’t quite know what she expected when she picked up the phone, but it wasn’t a very annoyed Christen Press on the other side.

Well, maybe she expected it a little bit (she knew you would go to the quad after the argument. You always went to the quad), but she never imagined the words that would come out of your team mom’s mouth.

“Whoa, slow down. She said she’s where?” Lindsey said, sitting up off of Emily’s shoulder where she had been leaning.

“Spain, she said she landed in Spain,” Emily could barely make out Christen’s worried voice through the phone over Lindsey’s low growl.

“There’s no way!” The more dominant alpha barked, baring her teeth just slightly.

Maybe she had said some things she shouldn’t have, but you wouldn’t just run off to another country without telling them. She pushed down her hurt and settled for frustration instead.

Emily scooched away from Lindsey slightly, rubbing her ear. “Babe, if you’re going to be this loud at 3 am, at least turn on speakerphone.” She felt odd, her bond unusually unbalanced. She could feel the torrent of emotions running through Lindsey, but your side of the bond was silent. It had never been silent before.

The two of you had known each other since you were in diapers, and your bond reflected that. She should have felt something. While you weren’t always outwardly expressive, you felt everything deeply, and vividly. You were the fire to Lindsey’s flood, and for your usual smoldering flame of emotions to just be snuffed out felt wrong.

The two alphas shared a look before Lindsey gave in and gave a short nod, pressing the little button. Emily had just as much a right to know what was happening as she did, but she still didn’t like being ordered around.

“You’re on speaker Chris,” Lindsey grumbled. She wrapped an arm around Emily and pulled her closer.

“What did you two idiots do to our baby bear?” Christen’s voice came out in a growl, the sound low and dangerous.

Lindsey stiffened, her alpha bristling more than it normally would at the tone. “We didn’t do anything.”

Emily nuzzled into her neck, trying to help her settle the mix of anger, pain and shock flowing through their bond. Just because she couldn’t feel you, didn’t mean that you couldn’t feel them.

You were not some innocent party here. Lindsey hadn’t meant all the things she said, but then you had said some pretty hurtful things too.

Tobin’s voice through the phone was low and clear, holding an air of dominance she rarely let out. “Watch who you’re growling at.”

Lindsey gulped. She was never very good at controlling her emotions, especially when things went wrong. It was easier to respond with anger than to admit she was vulnerable sometimes. But she really didn’t want to have a fight with Tobin, not when they both knew she would lose.

“And don’t give us that bullshit!” Both alphas winced at Kelley’s tone. The Omega had the parental tone of disapproval down to an art. She could have been one of their parents, scolding their irresponsibility for mating you before any of you were older than 21 (Emily’s mom had been angry enough to make up for your parents’ lack of care). Emily was sure her mother had used the exact same tone.

“We had a fight,” Emily sighed, leaning deeper into Lindsey. It was more than a fight. It was an explosion of stubborn communication that had ended in you walking out.

“A stupid fight. We’ll call her and have it all patched up by tomorrow,” Lindsey added, pinching the bridge of her nose. Why were omegas so frustrating?

“She left the fucking country. I don’t think getting her back is going to be so easy,” Alex said, and both women could practically hear her eye roll.

All six of them knew how stubborn you were, and getting you to listen was going to be far from a cakewalk.

Lindsey huffed. “Camp is in like 2 days. If worst comes to worst, we’ll just talk to her there.” If you wouldn’t answer their phone calls, then they would just corner you at camp. You weren’t good at maintaining the silent treatment when they were both in front of you. And Lindsey still wasn’t convinced this wasn't more than an overblown tantrum.

“She put a block in our bond Linds,” Christen said sternly, trying to break through the more dominant alphas shell.

Sure the three of you had had arguments before, but whatever this was, it was fundamentally different.

Lindsey frowned. You would never do that to Christen. The two of you were too close for that. At least that’s what she thought.

“We’ll get to the bottom of it. We promise,” Emily said softly, already pulling out her phone. Now hopefully she would be able to get you to answer on the other side.

“Good luck, you’re going to need it,” Tobin grumbled, hanging up.

If those two idiots didn’t fix it, she was going to let Kelley unleash her wrath on them.

Emily bit her lip as she pressed your contact picture (a photo of the two of you with bright 4-year-old smiles covered in brownie batter). It rang 4 times before going to voicemail.

Emily could imagine you staring at the screen, debating on whether or not you should answer. It hurt a little that you had declined instead.

She swallowed down her tears, glancing sideways at her still frozen mate.

“Hey babe, um I know we’re not really talking right now, but um. Christen called and we’re worried. Please call me or Linds back,” she worried her bottom lip, wondering if she should add more, but the time ran out before she could.

“Damn it,” she huffed, tossing her phone onto the nightstand. She hadn’t told you she loved you.

Lindsey smiled sadly at her, rubbing her back soothingly, and pulling out her own phone.

Her thumb hovered over a photo of the two of you cuddled up in one of your famous nests. She smiled wistfully down at it. How had this gotten out of hand so quickly?

She pressed the button, holding the phone up to her ear. It didn’t even ring before it went to the robotic voicemail. What happened to the one that had you giggling because they wouldn’t stop kissing your neck?

She didn’t have time to think it through before the beep sounded. She cleared her throat.

“Hey, um I heard you were in Spain. What’s that about? Call me back,” she too tossed her phone down.

“I can’t feel her,” Emily mumbled after a few minutes. Lindsey sighed.

She closed her eyes tightly with a sigh and began to feel for your presence in the bond. If you weren’t going to answer them, then she was going to make sure you knew how unhappy with this situation she was.

Her eyebrows furrowed when she was met with a wall of unsteady calm. It was like it was pulsing like your inner omega was pacing behind it trying to get through. She focused on the wall you had created and gave it a little push.

She smirked when it bent a little bit to her will. “I think I got it,”

She pushed back harder, the wall you creating molding around her alpha as she tried to reach your omega. She was almost there, she could almost touch your omega. One last push was all she needed.

But just as she went to give it, a blast of calm shoved her backward.

Her eyes blinked open at the ping of her phone and she scrambled to pick up the device.

It was two words. No caps, no punctuation. A simple “fuck off” that they could practically hear reverberating in their heads.

“What do we do now?” Emily asked softly.

Lindsy’s smirk widened.

“We call her until she answers us again.”

#uswnt imagine #uswnt imagines #uswnt x reader #soran x reader #soran imagine #Chapter 1 #Love you or lose you

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buckyownsmylife · 3 years

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woman’s world - chris evans smut

The one where Chris pisses you off during a panel, but then finds a way to apologize

Warnings: age gap, famous!reader, oblivious Chris, smut, unprotected sex

Chris’ P.O.V.

The panel had gone well, or as well as it could go when everyone was trying to push the idea of Y/N and I together. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to pursue something with her - quite the opposite in fact. I was completely infatuated with the young actress, but the problem was just that: she was young. Too young for me, probably. So it was becoming harder and harder to deal with everyone commenting on how great we would be together when it was already all I could think about, and there was nothing I could do to make it come true without looking like an absolute predator.

Still, there was no denying that my favorite part about this particular press tour had been getting to spend time with her. She was just the perfect company, especially in a situation like this, which frankly could easily become tiresome and irritating. She just had this way of being able to read me and know what I needed, so she’d easily take over when she noticed an interviewer was getting on my nerves or overstepping some boundaries.

She was quickly becoming my favorite person, but unfortunately, the rest of our cast had noticed as much. And so that meant that for the last day or so, I’d forced myself to pull away from her, deliberately sitting as far away as possible and not even glancing her way whenever there was a camera around. I even managed to have a quick reaction when the panel moderator joked about us being the perfect couple, and I was proud of how my cry of “She’s a kid, for God’s sake!” had made everyone laugh, even my friends who had been keen on insisting I should ask her out.

So needless to say, I was in a good mood. Such a great mood, in fact, that I’d decided to ask Y/N to come back to my room so we could grab a beer and watch some movies. Asking around for where she had gone, someone pointed in the direction I thought I’d seen her head to, and after a couple of seconds, I managed to see her in the middle of the sea of people. Then it was just a matter of smoothly dodging everyone trying to lure me into pointless conversations and then she was already within ear reach.

Or so I thought, at least. I tried calling her name countless times, but she didn’t look back once. In fact, she even quickened her step, and soon enough I had to physically run so I could follow her into the elevator that could take us to the floor where we were staying.

I didn’t think too much of it, considering she probably thought I was someone else and was doing the same as I was: trying to dodge anyone who wanted to make us stay a bit longer on the crowded floor where the convention was taking place. But then we were inside the elevator and she didn’t even turn to look me in the eye.

More importantly, when I reached out to rub my thumb on her wrist, to signal that I wanted to hold her hand, the response I got was a harsh, “Is this your way of subtly hinting that you want to hold my hand? Because it’s quite cute, but I’m not in the mood for that at all.”

The attitude caught me by surprise in such a way that I was only able to snap out of it once the elevator’s doors opened, but before I could ask what the fuck was going on, she had ran out of it, walking towards her room with determination.

Oh no, she wouldn’t. There was no way I was letting her hide in her room, angry at me, when I didn’t even know what I’d done wrong. I sprung into action, running after her and managing to hold the door just before she was able to slam it in my face.

“What’s going on?” I cried out, pushing my way inside the room as she just stared up at me with hurt eyes and a pout on her lips. “What did I do?” Y/N huffed, rolling her eyes and crossing her arms while looking away from me, before I managed to pull her closer by her wrists when I pried her arms open again. “Talk to me, c’mon.”

She glanced at me with furrowed brows, quickly averting her eyes before looking back again with an unamused expression. “You’re really gonna act like you don’t know.” Anxiety coursed through my veins at a scary pace. It was clear that I’d hurt her, but I had no idea how!

“I really don’t know!” I cried out, begging her to answer me, so I could make this better. I couldn’t bear the thought of offending her, of possibly losing her… and her friendship. Since that was all I could get from her, I was gonna fight with everything to keep it. “Please, let me make it up to you.”

For a second, it seemed like she would relent. But when her eyes met mine again, it was clear that whatever she saw on mine reminded her of the reason that she was mad, because just when I started to smile, she caught a second wind, pulling her hands from me and turning her back.

“I don’t know why you’re so adamant about making me feel better. I thought I was just a kid to you.” And then, suddenly, it made sense. Flashes of what had happened not even an hour earlier played in my head, this time her face being the focus of it all. Perhaps it wasn’t perceptible for everyone else that her smile faltered when I shouted that idiotic thing, but to me it was.

To me it was, and still, back then, I didn’t see it. I chose not to see it, because I was so scared to deal with the truth. Instead, I ended up hurting her. And that was literally the last thing that I wanted.

“I-I’m sorry,” I immediately offered, raising a hand to scratch the back of my neck. “I just… I didn’t want them to start creating any narratives about us two together, you know? I mean… You know how they can get. And I can’t be… We can’t be... associated… like that.”

I knew I had screwed up even before it became clear that she wouldn’t answer. Despite how cautiously I’d tried to phrase it, it ended up sounding weird even to my own ears. And when she didn’t turn around to look me in the eye again, I didn’t know what else to do. I felt myself deflating, my heart beating desperately against my chest, terrified of losing her simply for being my stupid self.

“C’mon… You know what I mean,” I breathed out, trying to approach her and resting a hand on one of her shoulders, but she simply shook it off. “C’mon, Y/N, don’t be like that.” I made myself flinch with just how poorly I was handling that situation.

Y/N’s P.O.V.

I didn’t know what to do or say. Don’t be like what? “Like a child?” I asked, my tone icy enough to layer the tension in the room with one more level of awkwardness, and I didn’t need to see Chris to know that he was a mixture of nervous and confused, at the very least.

I knew it because I was, too. I was completely thrown off by my own behaviour, as weirdly as that sounded. I didn’t know why I was so defensive, except that I did. I did know it, I just didn’t want to admit.

“Well, this child wants to be left alone. I’ll talk to you later, Chris.” And I stormed off into the bathroom, only stopping to take a breath when I was sure the door was locked behind me. I needed to put some distance between myself and him, otherwise I was gonna lose it - even worse than I already did.

But it was too late to keep on ignoring my feelings. I was forced to deal with the reality of them, at least with myself, since I knew - especially after today - that there was no way I would ever get to reveal to Chris that I’d fallen for him.

To him, I was just a kid, and that’s all I would forever be.

Weirdly, I didn’t feel like crying as I took off my clothes and stepped into the shower, decided to wash away all of the bad feelings that this day had brought me. I just felt… disappointed, like a kid who’s been dreaming about a Christmas present only to find out they’ve been given socks. I’d been hopelessly trying to ignore my feelings for Chris, but at least a small part of me still fed into the ridiculous idea that he could possibly reciprocate those sentiments.

Now that it was obvious it would never be the case, it was like a small part of me had died on that stage.

By the time I got out of the shower, some twenty minutes later, I decided to put on a loose shirt I had kept around from some ex and take a nap until it was time to be social again. Certainly my friends would want to hit the bars or at least grab some dinner, and it would provide me with the perfect occasion to apologize to Chris.

Yes, that was perfect. That would get me a few more hours where I could manage to fabricate some resemblance of control before I had to see him. And then it would all go back to the way it was: me, pretending I don’t have a crush, while he kept seeing me as a kid.

I was so lost in my own thoughts that I didn’t even notice the massive body hidden beneath the covers in my bed until I went to uncover it so I could slide in.

“What the hell are you doing here? Get out of my bed,” I chastised, but Chris only gave me those annoyingly effective puppy eyes that had me groaning. “No. You don’t get to do this. I’m still mad at you, go to your room and we’ll talk about it later, but for now, just let me wallow in peace.”

But still, he didn’t let up. I tried to climb on the bed, but he was now smack down on the middle of it, still pouting with those perfect full lips of his.

“Get. out. of. the. Bed.”

“Not until you tell me what I can do for you to forgive me. C’mon, baby girl, just let me make it up to you.” When I didn’t answer, making sure to avoid his eyes, he simply reached out and grabbed me by my hips, forcing me to sit on his lap. “Please?” He quietly begged, one hand cradling my face while the other maintained its grip on my hip.

The movement had caught me by surprise, and my mouth fell open as I realized that because the shirt had ridden up, I was sat panties glued to Chris’ jeans. And if that wasn’t enough to throw me into a ridiculously horny state, the fact that I could feel just how hard he was certainly did.

“C’mon, sweetheart. Don’t be shy,” he pressed, and my eyes snapped up to meet his, finding a hazy lust that reflected mine and a very, very naugthty smirk that didn’t help my current about-to-get messy situation. “Tell me how I can make it up to you.”

I could hear my heartbeat in my ears as I took a sharp inhale, thinking about what I was about to say. Could I really do this? Should we even do this? I still wasn’t completely sure about what the hell had happened, but one thing I was certain of, and that was that I really wanted him to, “Kiss me.”

For all the reservation I expected Chris to have about this, he didn’t hesitate a single second before pulling me to meet his lips, and it was everything I thought kissing him would be like. His lips were soft and as patient as he seemed to try to be, there was an undeniable edge of neediness in the way his tongue swiped my bottom lip, begging me for entrance.

“You’re not gonna let me in, honey?” He whispered against my lips, warm breath making me shiver in his arms before I was able to gather my thoughts.

“I don’t think you deserve it.” I shrugged, but by Chris’ teasing smile, I knew I had just given him exactly what he wanted. In a quick move, he had me sprawled on the bed underneath him, while he hovered over me with dark eyes that I never thought I’d get to see outside of my dreams.

“Let me show you why you’re wrong.”

Chris’ P.O.V.

I started by rubbing the outside of her thighs until she opened her legs enough for me to settle in the space between them. I paid close attention to the way her breath hitched even with the softest of touches, incapable of stopping the grin that made its way into my face.

“Fuck, you’re so fucking sensitive, baby.” She whined as I lowered myself to replace my fingers with my lips, slowly making out with the delicate skin of her inner thighs. “You see? This is why I was scared to reveal my feelings for you. It’d be so easy to ruin you.”

By the way she bit on her lower lip, I knew I had reached my goal of making her even more bothered with what I had said, and slowly, I ran my hands up her legs and grabbed her hips to pull her further down, closer to my mouth. I ran my tongue over her lower lip, just barely gathering the excess moisture, and despite how clearly affected she was, Y/N managed to grab my hair and whisper, “I think you’re full of it, Evans.” It made me smirk, but before I could even offer a comeback, she just continued, “But even if you’re right… I’d like nothing more than to be ruined by you and only you.”

A sharp inhale later and a competition of stares, I pounced on her, devouring her little pussy like I’d wish to do so many fucking times before. She was sweet, but her moans were even sweeter, and the combination of sounds and taste and smell only served to intoxicate me, make me even more thrilled about finally having this gorgeous woman underneath me.

As her juices dripped from my jaw on the bed, she kept caressing my head, keeping me closely connected to her like I would ever dream of stepping away from this moment. I wanted to stay right here forever, away from people’s judgements and the overwhelming fear that she would think this was a mistake after it was over.

And right here, as my nose brushed her clit as I plunged my tongue as far as it could go inside her hole, she came right before my eyes, her honey dripping onto my tongue as I came up to toy with her clit before at last parting with her taste.

“You’re so fucking sweet,” I pointed out, stealing her lips with mine so I could share her taste with her, so she’d know I was right. “You’re sweet all over. Shit, I really want to fuck you.” My voice became nothing but a whisper, and soon her hands were cradling my face, thumb playing with my bottom lip before I sucked it. It was true. I craved to feel her from the inside, know what it was like to possess her in that way, too.

“Then fulfill both of our wishes. I really want to be fucked by you.”

Godfuckingdamn. This girl was just perfect. I knew right then, I’d made the right choice by deciding to stick around. When she appeared wearing nothing but that shirt, I forgot all of the reasons that were holding me back from simply taking her, and even now, they didn’t seem all that important anymore.

Y/N’s P.O.V.

“Your wish is my command.” I heard the words and braced myself to finally feel his cock inside of me, but still, the second that its head managed to fit, a long, drawn-out moan revealed just how impossible it was for me to restrain myself as Chris stretched me open around his member.

“Fuck!” Chris shouted, and it surprised me so much that it made my eyes widen as I stared up at him, hands still holding tightly on his muscular shoulders. “Sorry! Sorry.” He repeated as he bottomed out, forehead resting against mine as he seemed to catch his breath. “I just… I imagined your moans, but hearing them is a completely different thing altogether.”

The sentence had butterflies flying in my stomach and the reality of the situation suddenly hit me. I was lying in bed completely naked with a still fully clothed Chris Evans on top of me, and his cock was filling me in ways I’d never been filled before while he kept releasing these breathy little moans that had my heart skipping a beat every damn time my mind registered them.

“Good to know I’m not the only one who has been dreaming about this,” I settled for whispering in his ear before sucking on his earlobe, and a shiver passed through his body, making me giggle.

“Yeah,” he whispered, leaning down to kiss me quickly before deciding to do it again. “But I’m even more glad that this is actually happening right now.” What could I add to this? I didn’t think there were any combination of words possible. So I resigned myself to feel it, memorize every single thing about this moment when Chris started to pull out only to push back in again. “Let me take care of you,” he whispered, and in that moment, I’d let him do anything to me, just as long as he kept fucking me like this.

His thrusts felt like waves washing over the shore, bringing the tide of desire higher and higher and I could feel it reaching the point where it all changed, the point where my life would turn upside down because I would know what it felt like to cum around Chris’ cock, and the anticipation was enough to have me writhing on the unmade sheets of the hotel bed.

“Shit,” Chris chuckled, and I opened my eyes to find him staring at me with a soft look on his. “You’re unbelievable, sweetheart.” I could see the desire in his darkened pupils. I was sure it mirrored my own. “So beautiful, and you take my cock so well.”

Hearing him talk dirty was everything I’d always wished for, and I could feel myself getting even wetter around him, whines and whimpers escaping my chest as I held him closer to me.

“Fuck, I really wanna buy you a collar with my name on it. Make sure everyone knows I own you now.” The words, paired with the warmth of his breath had me clenching around him, and I fucking melted when I heard him meanly chuckle at my state - the state that he had caused me. “You want it too, huh?”

I really, really did. I’d never been one for external marks of possession, but something about this, about Chris and I, really had me going crazy for his proposal. Maybe because a part of me thought he would never want to admit this had ever happened. I thought he would try to deny it, and so to hear him wishing to boast about it… It really had me going crazy under him.

“Say it.” His voice cut through the haze, making me realize I was actually about to cum again. It took me a while to understand what it wanted, just enough to have him ordering again, in a tone of voice that made every single part of me tingle, “Say you want everyone to know that you’re mine.”

“I do. I want everyone to know I’m yours and only yours, Christopher.” I don’t know if it was the desperation in my tone, my use of his full name or the fact that I came again, but that finally had him losing the control of his movements, quickly pulling out of me and jerking himself off until his cum was painted all over my stomach.

For a second, it was only our labored breaths in the bedroom, staring at each other like we couldn’t believe this had really happened. “Still think I’m a kid?” I had to laugh, biting my lower lip while trying not to show that I actually was really nervous about his reaction now that we were done. But his eyes softened, a quick kiss deposited on my lips before he cradled me in his arms, cum and all, and answered, “You’ll always be my little girl. I just want to do some very adult stuff to you.”

#chris evans smut #smut #chris evans #chris evans reader insert #chris evans reader smut #chris evans reader inserts #chris evans x reader #chris evans reader #chris evans fanfiction #chris evans ff #chris evans oneshot

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gripefroot · 3 years

Text

A Court of Dusk and Shadows ❲1❳

The throne was white.

No - it was every color of a sunset. With the descending sun blazing behind it, it turned gold and orange and pink and purple. New shades spreading across with each passing minute as night crept on. And beneath it - shadows lengthened and spread from the carved base, wild and free.

The throne beckoned. Come sit, it said to me. Come take your place.

Beyond the throne were marble pillars that stretched proudly into the sky, woven with vines of moonflowers and orchids. I could not see any roof - dusky clouds obscured the view. And below, far, far below - the sea rippled in shining waves, beating against the island in shimmering hues. Boats with bone-white sails seemed to drift forever. Distantly I could hear voices: voices laughing and talking and teasing and bargaining. The calls of animals, the hammer of forges.

And everything smelled of salt and fragrant flowers and lemon.

But I could feel, rather than see, what was making my heart wrench away from the lovely sight. A hand outstretched in front of that throne, leading up to a smiling face clear of sorrow and fear.

A scarred hand. Extended from the dark, and I knew that between us was where light and shadow met.

Come sit, he said, echoing the throne. Come take your place, and I’ll be at your side forever.

⚘ ⚘ ⚘

The night was an inky black shield dotted with silver and gold. Velaris far below, the stars above and only the whistling wind and thump of his own heart for company: Azriel’s gaze honed in on the House of Wind as he descended, and hoped that none would question his tardiness.

His boots landed silently on an upper balcony.

Halls were unlit, creeping with silence. The shadows that came with him curled around his neck and ears, whispering that nearly everyone was asleep. There would be no interrogation that night, at least - though breakfast might be another matter. But that would be for the morning. He slipped into his bedroom and closed the door behind him, resting his forehead against the wood panels for several heartbeats before turning wearily away to find his rest.

A cozy fire had flickered itself to life, the wrought-iron window springing open to let in more of that sweet night air. He lingered only to unstrap himself of weapons, setting them on the table beside his bed as his thoughts skittered and bit at him like hungry wolves.

Azriel had been gnawed for so long he wondered how they found any part of him left to devour.

Truth-Teller shone like a void in the light as he pulled it from its sheath, if only to look at it. Scarred thumb tracing over the hilt - with a sigh he shoved it back in, and put it aside.

The knock on his door was so quiet that he might not have heard it, had the shadows spreading from him not trembled in response. They slithered up the door to turn the knob, his head lifting in a jerk as he scented his visitor - the sweet, heady jasmine that wore itself on her skin like a blessing. Or a spell.

A click behind her. The door was closed.

The wolves barked. Azriel turned, hand lifting to rub the back of his neck in an unconscious gesture as he forced himself, as he always had, to keep his expression even. To betray nothing. Even though the sight of her lace robe over a silken, lilac gown that displayed her creamy throat so well was enough to move him to his knees. To say nothing of the loose curls hanging down her back - wanting to be touched. Wanting him to bury his face there and breathe her in until she lived beneath his skin -

“You were missed,” Elain said.

“I was occupied,” Azriel said shortly. Her head tilted slightly to the side, and at his glower the shadows that crept curiously around the hem of her nightgown scattered, leaving her free to glow in the golden light of the fire.

“Why don’t you come to family dinners anymore?” she asked, her voice softer than rain.

He swallowed. A tremor went through his wings, and he stretched them out slightly to ease the tautness. Her eyes flitted to them over his shoulders. He saw the bob of her throat. “You know why,” Azriel told her in a hoarse, harsh voice.

Elain lifted her chin, though the expression in her lovely eyes shimmered. “If it’s me you’re avoiding, I’ll stop going,” she said.

“No.”

“You should be with your family. They miss you.”

“No,” Azriel said again.

“I don’t know how much longer I can attend, pretending that nothing’s wrong with me,” Elain said. “That my heart doesn’t hurt more each time you don’t appear. Azriel,” she breathed, and his spine stiffened as if brushed with a tender finger from root to tip. “I - I don’t want to go anymore. I don’t want the reminder that you - that you don’t want to see me.”

Secrets were best whispered alone in the night: Azriel had always known that. Known that honesty could burst out at the right moments, if prodded enough, uncaring of the consequences it could bring.

As for him - the consequence was like a poisoned knife between his ribs, where he felt the emptiest.

“The best solution is for you to go instead of me,” Elain went on in his silence. “I’ll be happier knowing you are.”

“I’m not happy,” Azriel said. But she merely lifted her slender shoulders, the lace rustling against the silk. As if she didn’t care to wonder why he’d said it; the extent of what he’d meant. His honesty was kept deeper down and further back. Where it couldn’t hurt anyone who could hurt him.

“I’m not going to go to family dinners anymore,” she told him. As if her mind was made up. “I hope you do.”

“You’re hurt when I’m not there,” he said. “No different than I am at your absence.”

It was all the game. It had to be. The repeating, the declarations, the anguish: pushing at the walls each of them had built around the other, as if looking for weak spots. To crumble, or to build back better. Azriel didn’t know. Something in him was howling.

Elain’s eyes began to glitter. The shift of the firelight against her hair, the rise and fall of her chest as she breathed -

Something clattered from elsewhere in the house. Azriel stiffened, wings snapping in as his gaze darted to the door behind her. He ground out between his teeth, “You shouldn’t be here.”

“I want to be,” she whispered. “I can’t stay away.”

The jasmine - he realized her scent wasn’t fresh and blooming. He’d noticed it when she first came in. It was heady. Like it had been scorching under the summer sun, begging for water; thirst to be parched, or the petals to be plucked and treasured -

Azriel’s head spun. The wolves that ate at him yipped and scratched and whined. They wanted. They wanted.

“If you’re looking for release,” he said in a low growl, fingers clenching into fists at his side. Cracking a whip at himself to quiet the wolves, but still they snarled. “Lucien Vanserra can be summoned.”

“I don’t want Lucien,” Elain said sharply. The color was high in her cheeks as she tucked a curl behind one of her delicate ears, the simple motion drawing his attention like a drawn bowstring. “I want you.”

His next words were difficult, but he forced them out: “Rhys has...commanded that we stay apart.”

“Rhysand isn't my High Lord. I’ve sworn no oath to him.” Her pink tongue darted out to wet her lips. “He can't command me.”

“He commands me,” Azriel said.

“Then tell him I coerced you. Whatever you need.” The lightness in her voice was pleading. Begging. Her slender hands trembled, eyelashes stark against her skin as she blinked furiously. Desperate.

“No. I won't let you face censure, or - or punishment - ”

“Not being with you is punishment every day,” Elain cut him off, and Azriel nearly swallowed his own tongue as he saw the glitter in her eyes escape to trail a silver path down her flushed cheeks. “Lucien is punishment for me, isn't he? I was given to someone I don't love. Someone I don’t want. While you are denied to me. Is this not punishment?”

Every fiber in his body wanted to cross the space between them: to reach out, to dry the tears and to hold her in his arms until she stopped trembling. Until that gaping wound beneath his ribs was whole and glowing again -

Azriel didn’t smile, though the irony wasn’t lost on him. “It feels like it.”

Her bottom lip quivered. Then, “Please,” in a yearning whisper that started unthreading him from his very bones. The wolves purred as he took a step closer to her.

“Elain,” he murmured, and she trembled at her name, eyes closing briefly as if to savor it. “They’ll know. It...it can’t be hidden. I’d leave my scent all over you. And you on me. And I’d never, ever want to wash it off.”

“It’ll wear off,” she said.

“In days? Weeks? How long will we hide?”

Elain didn’t answer, and he took another step closer, unclenching his fists as he breathed slowly through his nose.

“It's not just that, either,” Azriel said, and her head was tilting upwards to watch him, hungry and hot as he towered over her. “Once I have you...I won't be able to stop wanting to have you. Over and over again, in every way imaginable. I don't want to live another day on this earth without tasting you on my tongue. Smelling you on my skin. Feeling you. I would…”

He trailed off, realizing that the night had somehow wrung more honesty from him than he’d ever intended. Her eyes blazed up at him, and daring, he lifted a hand to rest his scarred fingertips on the lace at her breast, beneath which he could feel the rapid pulse of her heartbeat.

“I would want to be here, inside of you.”

“Please,” Elain whispered again, barely more than a warm breath that brushed against his face like a shadow - but those stayed back. “Please, Azriel. I'm not afraid. Not of Rhys, not of Lucien. I'm afraid....of what my life will be without you. I'm afraid of wanting you for the rest of my life with no hope of having you.”

Her fingers curled over his on her breast, cool to the touch and he shivered head to toe as her thumb stroked along a rippled, white scar. Not even noticing it, with her eyes melting so intently as she stared at him. Lips slightly parted, only a few inches from his and ready to be tasted, and savored and worshipped.

“Even if you refuse,” she went on, pressing his hand tighter to the skin-warmed lace. “You’ll always be here, where you always have been."

“There’s nothing in me that can deny you,” Azriel said. Swallowed. “Elain.”

“Azriel…”

“You could ask me to tear down Ramiel with my bare hands and I would,” he breathed. “I would tear apart any part of this world. If you asked me to carve out my own heart, I would.”

“I’m not asking for that,” Elain said gently. Mirror of him, her slender hand brushed up his chest - a shudder enough to cause an earthquake ripped through him. Without armor, only a dark shirt of cotton was between their skin. He could feel the warmth of her flesh as her palm splayed over his heart. “I’m only asking for you.”

The drumming in his head must be his heartbeat. A warning, perhaps - or fate zeroed in on this moment. Where a future was held taut between them. A question between souls. Dark and light, as they’d always been. His dark, her light: she offered it freely.

Will you have me?

Will you risk it all?

He could see in her shining eyes. I would risk it all for you.

“You want me,” Azriel said. Half a question. She’d already said it. At the dip of her head in assent, he closed the remaining distance between them with a step. The slight gasp between her lips warmed his face, but he didn’t give her the kiss she wanted - the kiss she’d asked for long ago - the kiss that he’d dreamt of until his soul was used up and dry. No, three more strides backed her against the wall as he heard her heart flutter madly beneath his hand. Closer still: he braced his opposite hand above her head, feeling the pattern of the wallpaper as his knee came between her legs. Trapping her. Pinning her.

She trembled. But it wasn’t the acrid scent of her fear that was making her eyes bright.

It was want.

“I’m dangerous,” he growled in a low voice. Still Elain didn’t tear her eyes from his, even as her fingers balls into a fist with his shirt between them. “This is dangerous. You and me.”

“I don’t care.” Not the breathy tone he’d expected. Something thornier, stonier, as she lifted her chin to face him more fully. But it just exposed more of that creamy, unblemished throat to him. An invitation.

Azriel tried to swallow, but his throat was too dry. Hair hung in his face, and her fingers softly brushed it aside. Jasmine. Jasmine. Jasmine. Summer, heady, hot flowers; slow-dripping honey -

Chest to chest, pressing closer as if their skin would fall away and they’d be just one person from then on. His leg lifted slightly, the rustle of lace and silk - and he felt her, through the layers, as her dark lashes closed, lips parting in an uneven breath and he heard, more with his heart than his ears,

“Oh - ”

He’d rather be boiled by the Cauldron than face Rhys after this.

And it would still be worth it. To watch the rose-pink deepen in her cheeks as her eyes fluttered open again. On his thigh she throbbed, and if he tried to push her away, he knew she’d rip his shirt apart, so tightly was she clinging to him.

“Are you scared, Elain?” Azriel whispered.

“No.”

Her eyes had glazed slightly. Like she’d gone drunk at a sip of wine, yet stared down the bottle ready to drink it to the last drop. But he was the bottle, and the wine, and the drinker. Sucking in a breath, holding her quivering body in place, he lowered his head, tilting it to the side.

His lips met her skin at a sensitive spot beneath her ear. He felt her tremble. Brushed downward to the base of her neck, savoring every inch of her as she whimpered a strain of incoherent noises he knew would play in his dreams until he was a corpse in the ground. Then, tilting his head again, he stared at the glistening hollow of her throat. Where her scent was the thickest. Richest. Sweetest.

Azriel paused long enough to take her wrists in his hands, lifting them above her head as her chest rose and fell against him. His chin was nearly between her breasts, and though they wanted his attention and he wanted to give it to them - he kept his eyes instead on her throat.

Elain was squirming. Not to get away, but to get closer. The frantic bucking of her hips against him - not close enough. He pressed harder with his leg until he could feel the grind of her bone against him, and his tongue darted out to that hollow to taste it the moment her moan rose beneath it.

“There,” he breathed. Again she rubbed herself against him. He could smell the growing headiness from there, and the jasmine coating his tongue. He licked again, and again as she moved more frantically.

His wings unfurled as he growled deep in his throat, talons reaching to dig into the wall - the house would repair itself later - and shreds of wallpaper fluttered to the ground as he steadied himself. And Elain. The way she was pulling him in, giving of herself so freely, wanting him - chasing pleasure he could give her, scant as it was...as if this would be all she was ever given. A drop of water before starvation.

Azriel fastened his lips to one jutted collarbone, and sucked. Immediately he clamped a hand over her mouth to muffle her cry. Sweat was dampening her nightgown - more than sweat - and it was the most intoxicating thing he’d ever smelled. He tore his mouth from her skin to say in a hoarse voice,

“Quiet. Don’t make a sound.”

Slowly he removed his hand, then, and lifted his head enough to see the perspiration dotting her forehead. Eyes squeezed shut as her fingers dug into his shoulders, now.

“Good,” Azriel rasped. “Keep going, Elain. Use me however you need.”

“Touch me.” Her plea was broken and wavering. “Please - Azriel - ”

He snarled. Gripping her hips between his hands, helping her to move against him. Guiding each undulation as her heart beat faster and faster and faster - her breasts were at his eye level, so high he was holding her off the ground - and he allowed himself one more luxury: he rested his forehead against her sternum, feeling each bob of her breasts on either side of his face. The slight snag of a hardened nipple.

If she didn’t come soon, he would.

But it was a mere moment later that she came: breathless and noiseless, like he’d commanded, but he felt the clench of her even on his thigh. The desperate throbbing, wanting to be filled but still cresting. Deeper breaths from her parted lips, a night-song of indescribable beauty.

Azriel wanted her. He wanted her so badly he thought he’d die from it.

Elain went lax, and he caught her ‘round the waist before she toppled over. Her head against his shoulder, wings still shrouding them - his nose really was in her glorious mass of hair, now, and because he knew this shouldn’t happen again, he breathed in the scent of her curls, over and over and over again -

“Azriel,” she half-panted, half-sobbed. It made his heart wrench. The wolves in his head still prowled, still snarled - wanted to pounce, to stroke, to take - but no. No. No. He wouldn’t.

Talons unhooked themselves from the wall, wings folding delicately back in as he lowered her to the ground. A moment of unsteadiness before she could stand, blinking up at him like the sweetest fawn on a spring day. Cheeks flushed red, eyes glittering, throat damp. A faint bruise was left there from him - it would heal by morning. He hoped.

His trousers were unbearably tight. He could barely stand. But he did, and held Elain’s gaze as if it were a lifeline offered to his dying soul.

Which very well could be the truth.

“Azriel,” she said again. Tucked curls behind her ear. But he merely bowed, instead of throwing her onto the bed to devour her until Summer Solstice as he wanted to do with every fiber of his being, and said,

“I hope you’re feeling better, Elain.”

Something like hurt passed over her face. Mouth pressed together in a thin line as she tugged the lace robe to lay straight over her breasts and shoulders. Azriel didn’t look.

A single breath, drawn out like a keening wail of grief: Elain turned and swept away to the door, yanking it open to disappear into the blackness as shadows reappeared, gently closing the door to keep it from making a noise and alerting the sleeping inhabitants of the house. Azriel stared after her for a moment, fists clenched and empty and her scent all over him like a thick, woollen blanket.

He hadn’t even kissed her.

He stomped to the fireplace, tearing at the laces of his trousers to yank them off each of his feet. Threw the Elain-soaked pants into the fire.

As if knowing his intention, knowing his agony: the house ate up the leather quickly, turning it to blackened, crumbling ashes that fell among the cracked logs. He still smelled of her, he knew it. He’d smell her even if he did manage to wash her off. His leg, his hands, his chest where she’d touched him, his face - she was everywhere. Everywhere.

Almost everywhere.

Azriel ached. He ached between his legs, almost like he’d been kicked with a spiked boot. Hurt so bad even without trousers that he didn’t want to touch himself. Instead he stared at the flames, and then the embers as they burned down and the shadows crept closer to swallow him whole. Still his heart beat on, a steady, unceasing rhythm that chanted with each pulse of blood -

Elain. Elain. Elain.

TO BE CONTINUED

#elriel #pro elriel #elain archeron #elain x azriel #acotar

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perfackles · 3 years

Text

Notes from Jared’s virtual panel 22 Nov 2020 - Typed live so sorry for some small mistakes!

Jared talking about Sam’s ending -

"No matter how Sam had his ending, it would have been difficult for me to wrap my head around. Once I did digest it and spent hours, days, weeks and months, over a year, with it, I did truly feel it was the best way to tell Sam's story. And Sam tried to live his life the way Dean would have wanted him to live his life. In honour of Dean, his request and his sacrifices. Sam tried his best to honour him. If Dean had come back 40 years later to find Sam hunting, Dean would have been pissed."

Jared talking about the script changes due to Covid -

"The biggest deal with the post Covid scripts is that when Covid happened and we got back to Canada there was a mandatory 2 week quarantine. [...] There was going to be a lot of beloved characters that were in heaven with us. But that was just a scene or two. So when you think about a lot of the other cast that's been a part of the show forever and ever, they have kids and spouses and jobs of their own, so you couldn't ask Rob, Kim, Jeffery Dean [nb. I'm missing some names here] to come sit in a hotel by themselves for two weeks just to film. The heaven that Dean deserved was filled with a lot of people from Dean's past."

Then Jared talked about from a story point of view he thought it worked perfectly that it was just Dean and Sam in the end, as it brings the story back to the start of the show.

- Sam was wearing Dean’s watch when he died.

- They dedicated one day of their three-day barn shoot to the post fight stuff, so Dean’s actual death was given a separate day. Jared would cry every time he read the script of the death scene. “That was Jared crying, and I didn’t want Jared’s emotions to get in the way of Sam’s journey and Supernatural’s story.”

- The working in the barn scene that echoes back to the pilot was all Jensen and Jared’s doing, the original lines were different. They’re the ones that changed it so that it paralleled the pilot. And it sounds like their final lines on the bridge and their final words being like their first words were also due to Jensen and Jared’s interference. Jared was the one that asked the wardrobe to get the pilot outfit, but that outfit is long gone so they tried their best to recreate it.

- It was a difficult scene for him to film and to watch. Jared’s watched a few reaction videos, and hearing the scene in the background made him cry.

- Did Sam tell his son about his Uncle Dean and the hunters, and after all this, his son wanted to get the tattoo? -- which sounds to me personally like Sam’s son wasn’t a hunter then?

"Who are the people Sam would want to see in heaven? Obviously Dean, Bobby, Mom. Sully (he laughs). I think Sam's heaven is mostly Dean. That's another reason why when I read the script that I asked our wardrobe department to get the outfit from the pilot. Because for me, I think Sam's heaven and his happiest moment, was when he made that commitment to get back on the road with his brother. He had a rough childhood, and then he went off to do his thing, but his happiest moment was getting back on the road with his brother, even if he does make fun of his tapes." But he talks again about Sam’s heaven being mostly his brother.

"I will get a chance to work with Jensen again, that's not the last of us. Hopefully sooner than later."

#Jared Padalecki #You're lovely sir but I fully disagree with so much of what you said #read some meta yo #15x20 #Sam Winchester

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cherryobx · 3 years

Text

Environmentalists//Kiara Carrera x reader

request:

summary: You are an environmentalist who moves to the Outer Banks. When Kiara hears about you, she knows she has to meet you.

warnings: language (1 word lol), fluff, kissing ig

WC: 1,7k

(not my gif, creds to the owner!!!)

You had been planning on moving for a while now. You wanted a quieter life away from big cities and cars honking every two seconds. You hated it. You absolutely hated it. You had known since you were a little girl that this wasn't the life for you.

You were luckily quite wealthy and you had enough money to start a new life somewhere else. When you talked to your parents about moving, they were very supportive of the idea. You told them about where you wanted to move and that you wanted to build your own house there. You had enough money so why not.

So, you quit your job in the city, packed most of your belongings with you and moved to the Outer Banks. Kildare to be specific. The decision to move there wasn’t hard. You had visited the place a few years back and you fell in love with it. It was the most beautiful place to you in the whole world.

When you first arrived there you checked out the property you had bought. The work there had already begun and the fundamentals of the house were already there. It was a good idea to start the process of building before you had even arrived. Your dad had helped you hire a group of people who knew what they were doing but you wanted to hire a few locals as well.

The one thing you decided on was that you wanted to stay on your property while it was being built. So, you rented yourself a caravan to live in.

When JJ and John B saw that there was a really good job opportunity, they decided to take it. The place they needed to work at wasn’t even far away from the chateau so it was the perfect job for them.

“Hey! You’re JJ and John B, right?” you asked the two boys who were walking up to you. They both gave you a confirming nod.

“Yay, I remembered your names,” you giggled. “So the guys are already working over there,” you pointed towards them, “so go over there and ask them what you have to do. And if you want to drink some water or eat some snacks, I set up a table for you all as well. If you have any questions I’ll be in that caravan.”

John B and JJ gave each other a look. It was their first day, they hadn’t even done anything yet, but you were being so unbelievably nice to them. It was something new for them since their other bosses in the past had treated them like shit.

A few months passed and the house was coming together. You had some finishing touches you still needed though. Like solar panels.

You were an environmentalist and doing everything in your power to change the world for the better. But it was hard because humanity had already done so much damage that it was really hard to make anything happen. However, you really tried. Change happens with one person at a time - a sentence you liked to live by.

“Yes, just put them over there for now. We’ll deal with them on Monday. It’s too late anyways. Go home, get some sleep.” You stood by and gave orders as the builders carried the panels one by one. Once they were finished, everyone went home.

“How does she have that much money though? That’s my question,” JJ said, opening the fridge and taking out two bottles of beer, offering one to his friend.

“Her parents are probably rich.” John B shrugged as he took the beer from JJ and popped the cap off.

“Yeah, but like solar panels?”

“What solar panels?” Kie asked as she walked into the kitchen. It was Friday night. That’s when they got together with the pogues to just drink and hang out. Pope was on his way as well.

She hopped onto one of the counters, very interested in the answer that was about to come. “You know that girl who moved here a few months back, our boss?”

“You mean the one who’s building her own house?”

“Yeah, her. She bought solar panels and they arrived today. We’re setting them up on Monday.” Suddenly Kie became very fascinated by her friends’ boss.

“What is she like?” she asked.

“Really nice. The best boss ever, for sure,” JJ said, taking a swig from his bottle.

John B continued. “Umm she’s a few years older than us. Sometimes she sits close where we are, watches us work and just talks to us. She’s an environmentalist, so the house we’re building is really energy efficient. And yes, she’s the best boss. She pays us generously and we get the right amount of breaks. She even gets us snacks and water. I don’t really know, that’s about it.”

“She sounds really cool. Can I come with you on Monday?” Kie asked, a hopeful look on her face. As soon as John B said that you were an environmentalist she knew she had to meet you. There weren’t many girls like you on the island. Plus, you seemed to be super awesome. She could use someone like you in her life.

“Uhh I don’t know.” John B looked at JJ and he looked back at him smirking. “Kie, you haven’t even met her and you’re already crushing on her.”

Kie rolled her eyes. “Ugh, shut up. Can I come or not?”

They agreed, so on Monday Kiara walked to work with them. She was nervous to say the least. JJ had been right. She hadn’t even seen or met you but she was already hooked. She had fixed her hair at least 10 times before getting there.

“Calm down, Kie,” JJ chuckled, patting Kie on the back.

Then she saw you and she swore her heart stopped beating for a second. You were nothing like she had imagined. You were even more beautiful. She loved the way your hair was moving in the light morning breeze or how you smiled and gestured with your hands as you were talking to your employees. It was like your smile was brighter than the sun. She was so invested in watching you, she almost tripped.

To her luck, JJ caught her just in time. “Relax, Romeo.”

As they walked closer, you finally noticed them coming towards you. You were a bit confused, seeing a girl with them. You smiled and waved at them. They waved back.

“Good morning, John B and JJ!”

“Good morning!” The boys said in unison, making you laugh.

“And who are you?” you turned to Kiara with a warm simile. “I’m Kiara,” she introduced herself, offering you a hand to shake which you did.

“I’m Y/N.” Kiara smiled as she repeated your name under her breath.

“Well, we better go...you know...do some work and stuff.” JJ and John B ran off as you and Kiara stayed back.

“So, what brings you here today?” you asked.

“Umm, I’m friends with John B and JJ and they told me a little about you. They told me that you are an environmentalist?”

“Yes, I am.”

“Me too! When they told me about you I knew I had to meet you. There aren’t many activists around here so…”

“They told you about me?”

“Yeah. I heard them talking about some solar panels and then it led to the conversation about you. They told me great things about you.”

You and Kiara talked for almost an hour before she asked if you’d been to her parents' restaurant. You told her that you hadn’t.

“Well, I can take you there if you’d like to.” She was really hoping that you want to.

“Sure, I haven’t had breakfast yet anyway.”

You grabbed your bike and told Kie to sit on the rack of your bicycle. You didn’t have a car and the reason was simple. You didn’t need one. Why buy a car and waste money on gas (which is harmful to the environment) when you could just use your bicycle to get around. The island wasn’t that huge.

Kie was hesitant at first but you told her that you’d get there quicker. Then she finally agreed to get on the bike. “Wrap your arms around me.” Kie’s heart started beating faster as she did so. You were so close to each other now.

You two rode to the Wreck in about 20 minutes. The silence was comfortable around you two. It was like you’d known each other for years. In reality, it’d been an hour. Well, that’s probably what it was like to meet someone you’re so similar to, someone you connect with.

After eating, Kie took you to her favourite places on the island. You two spent the entire day together. You really liked her. She had this specific energy that matched yours. You felt like you had found the one.

The day ended with you two sitting on the edge of a dock, watching the sunset. You leaned closer to Kie and rested your head on her shoulder. It was a beautiful moment. A one you were sure you’d cherish forever.

Kie smiled. She was happy. Like really happy. She hadn’t felt like this in a while. She liked you as well and really hoped that the feelings were mutual. It was a once-in-a-lifetime thing to find a person you liked like this. She had known you for only a day but she could imagine a future with you.

So when you rose your head to look at Kie, she shot her shot.

She pressed her lips against yours and gave you a short and sweet kiss that left her wanting more now once she’d tasted your lips.

When she pulled away, you had a shocked expression on your face. You weren’t expecting that. But you liked the butterflies it gave you.

“Oh shit! I’m so sorry. I thought-”

You shut her up by kissing her again, but this time deeper. The butterflies in your belly flew at a rapid speed as your lips moved against each other. She placed her hand on your cheek to pull you in even closer.

The kiss ended when you ran out of air and needed a breath. Your foreheads rested against each other as you were catching your breath.

This felt right. All of it. You couldn’t wait for what destiny had planned for you two.

taglist: @www-imbored-com @delightfullynlove @tomhardybby @kindahavefeelingskindaheartless @ilovejjmaybank @allycat449-blog @teenwaywardasgardian @copper-boom @canibeoneofthepogues @ifilwtmfc @bedazzledbanks @jeyramarie @themaddies-obx @pink-meringues @freddymaybank @moniamaybank @outerbankspreferences @j-j-may-bank @drewstarkeysbitchh

(If you didn't get a notification please let me know! I've had issues with it before)

#kiara carrera #kiara carrera x reader #kiara carrera x y/n #kiara carrera x you #kiara carrera outer banks #kiara carrera obx #kiara obx #kiara outer banks #outer banks #obx #obx netflix #obx s2

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darter-blue · 3 years

Note

YAY 😁 CONGRATS 🎊🍾 ON REACHING 500 followers. You’ve earned it and so much more🙌👏👏🙌

I’ve got two words knitting and hands Maybe a little something about Steve drawing Bucky Or anything really I’m easy. Again CONGRATULATIONS 🎉🎈 🤩🥰

♾❤️🤗

to the beautiful Erica (@aciremii) and my gorgeous Maria (@greyhavensking) sorry for making you wait so long.

This is for you.

Hands

Steve slides the charcoal between his fingers, watches the way it sinks into his pores, the way it stains his skin.

He loves charcoal as a medium. It's dirty, it's dark, all shadows and imperfections. Everything that he isn’t allowed to be anymore.

Hard to come by in the war, but now… here in this future, it’s everywhere.

Everything is everywhere.

Whatever he wants, he can get.

Except for the one thing he wants more than anything. That’s just beyond his grasp. Always.

Steve’s hands reach out for it… endlessly searching for him. To touch him again. To hold him. Comfort. Protect.

Everything he already failed to do once, twice... and can never now make right.

Even if he finds Bucky again, even if Bucky should come back to him - Bucky will be paying the price for Steve’s mistakes forever.

And Steve… all he can do is sit, and draw. Use his charcoal to recreate, again and again, the hands he failed to reach to, failed to hold fast. Failed to catch…

He ignores the smudges on his fingers and focuses instead on the marks he’s making on the paper. Thick and sharp and dark. He uses his own hands to soften and shade, to move and manage, to morph the shadows into the likeness that’s been etched into his mind, so often he dreams about it. Has been dreaming about it for years.

Bucky’s hand outstretched. Reaching so desperately for Steve from the gaping panel of the train… fingers tearing at the air, trying to cling to Steve, to grasp at him.

He draws them as he remembers them…

Empty.

The image comes together under the charcoal, under his stained skin, well enough, complete enough, for Steve to feel happy with, and he sets the page down on his table. Leaves it scattered amongst the others - some of them tea stained, some of them crumpled - all of them a poor replication of the perfection that he remembers…

All of them a reminder of what he’s lost.

He turns away from this work and leaves it behind, steps into the bathroom and stares in the mirror for as long as his eyes will allow him to look. His face is so different and yet so familiar. he closes his eyes, leans on the sink and then pushes away. Turns to the shower to run the hot water, lets it get so hot the steam clouds the room, thick and fog-like, and finally stands underneath it.

The water sears into Steve’s skin and down to his bones. It helps. The heat and the steam and the fog. It helps Steve clear his mind and settle his body. Settle into the small moments of calm he can steal from time to time, moments of peace.

He gets out and wraps himself in a towel. Tucks the corner in at his waist and wipes the steam from the mirror. Brushes his hair off his forehead and wonders at the reflection staring back at him. Wonders who he is now. Whether the man there would be someone Bucky could be proud of.

Or whether the reason Bucky keeps running isn’t because he’s scared. Or broken. It’s because Steve is.

That somehow Bucky can see it, even when Steve can’t.

He opens the door and releases some of the steam, stepping a bare foot into the living room of his apartment and knowing instantly that something is wrong. Someone is there - he can hear the heartbeat.

He can see them through the cloud of steam as it dissipates.

He knows that figure, that silhouette.

Would know it anywhere.

Bucky.

Bucky standing at Steve’s table, gloved hands full of Steve’s drawings… staring down at them, eyes still as lost as they seemed the last time Steve had seen him. Looking up at Bucky from the floor of the helicarrier… held down by him, trapped by him, but still not able to reach him.

‘These look like my hands,’ Bucky says, finally looking away from the drawings and up at Steve. ‘My hands, from before...’

Steve takes a step forward but freezes as Bucky flinches. He won’t dare even draw breath if it would be enough to scare Bucky away.

‘They are,’ he says instead, keeping his voice low, soft.

‘Why so many?’ Bucky looks down at the paper in his hands, at the papers on the table, ‘Why this?’ He turns the paper to show Steve his hands, stretched and desperate, over and over again, he picks up page after page and then looks back at Steve, ‘what does it mean?’

Steve holds a hand out Bucky, palm out, to demonstrate his plea for calm. He holds his other hand to the towel around his waist as he takes another slow step forward, placing his feet carefully, eyes never leaving Bucky’s. ‘It’s my nightmare,’ he tries to explain.

‘I’m your nightmare?’ Bucky asks and his eyes are wet, his brow furrowed.

‘No!’ Steve almost yells, has to work to lower his voice again as Bucky cringes at the volume, ‘no, god, no. Not you…’

‘My hand?’ He holds up his gloved hand, his left - the hand he had stretched out to Steve as he fell from the train, the hand in the pictures - and sets the papers down to pull the glove free, ‘this hand?’

It’s silver, dull in the low light of the apartment, but obviously metal, obviously now different from the hand Steve has been drawing so obsessively.

Steve shakes his head, ‘Not that hand. The hand I let go,’ Steve says, his voice barely above a whisper, ‘The hand I let you fall by.’

‘That's funny,’ Bucky says, raising an eyebrow, ‘I seem to remember it being me who couldn’t hold on.’

Steve takes another tentative step forwards, warmth (hope) radiating through his chest as Bucky doesn’t move, as he lets Steve closer, ‘All my nightmares are watching you fall. Are me - all this strength, all this power - useless, pointless, because I can’t reach you.’

‘I fell, Steve,’ Bucky says, taking his own step forward towards Steve, ‘It wasn’t you, it wasn’t me. It was gravity.’

‘I lost you,’ Steve breathes the words with pain in his chest.

‘I lost everything,’ Bucky whispers, stepping closer still, close enough to touch, ‘but I think… maybe... I found it again.’

Steve has to grab the back of a chair, has to lean down on the table to catch himself. He looks up at Bucky and sees him there; the man he knew. Hazy - maybe - shaded, shadowed, but there all the same.

‘You found it?’ he asks.

‘I found you, Steve.’

Steve nods. He can’t find the words, but he nods his head to the truth of that. Even through his programming, even through the shattered pieces of his mind, he found Steve on that helicarrier. He remembered him.

‘You used to be my everything.’

‘You’re still mine,’ Steve admits. Words he was never brave enough to say before now. ‘You always have been.’

Bucky reaches out with his metal hand, places it carefully over Steve’s where it presses into the table. ‘The rest of me is here’ - Bucky reaches forward to place his other hand, flesh and bone, against Steve’s bare chest - ‘I’m ready to let it find me now, too.’

Steve can’t breathe, can’t speak, but his heart is filling with the kind of joy, the kind of relief, the kind of solace that he’s never known.

He leans his forehead down to fall on Bucky’s shoulder, and closes his eyes as he feels Bucky rest his cheek against his hair.

This is the beginning of their way back to each other, to themselves.

And it’s everything.

All they need is each other.

It’s all they’ve ever needed.

#for Erica #and Maria #hands #stucky #steve bucky #post ca:tws #angst #500 follower challenge #1k #ficlet #was meant to be 500 words but its for two of you so #makes sense right?

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thesquidkid · 3 years

Text

I guess it's been a long way home, trying to face the world alone

Kind of a coda to 3x07 where Alex spends some time in the barn without really knowing what happened in Roswell, studying the Lockhart machine. The machine activates and a man with a sword shows up.

(basically my thoughts on Alex meeting Jones in 1.8k words)

Alex had been at the Gunther farm for 27 hours now, Ramos occasionally bringing him food, both of them sitting by Kyle’s bed, waiting for him to wake up. Ramos would go back and forth between the Deep Sky facility and the farm, but had told Alex to not do the same, to stay with people, have company, in hopes to not lose his mind like Trevor Gunther once had.

The Lockhart machine had been moved to the farm too, per Alex’s request, wanting to stay near Kyle in case he woke up. He barely slept in those 27 hours, closing his eyes only a few times, sitting on the chair, holding one sided conversations with Kyle.

He also barely looked at his phone, putting his whole attention on the machine, on the Caufield files. In hindsight, he probably should’ve been more in touch with his friends in Roswell. That way he maybe could’ve avoided what happened.

He was fiddling with the Lockhart machine, his computer opened on the side looking through the deep web, one had on the top of the machine observing the signals. Suddenly, the machine activated, the soundwave resonating through his entire body, shaking the walls of the barn. Before he could even process what was happening, he found himself pinned against a wall, held by a force that was both familiar yet unknown, facing a man whose face he knew quite well, holding a purple sword that looked very much alien.

“Well, well, well,” said the man with a dark smile that seemed out of place on that face, usually sweet and awkward, taking a few steps forwards in the direction of Alex, getting closer to the machine. “We meet at last, Alex Manes,” he continued, looking at him up and down, examining Alex from all angles, making him feel like an animal in a zoo.

“Jones,” Alex said as a greeting, knowing very well that the Max he knew would never act this way. His mind was racing, thinking of the best plan to follow, trying to predict Jones’ intentions. However, he quickly realised that he didn’t know that much about the man, other than he was a clone of Max (or Max was a clone of him) and that he knew more about the alien’s home planet than his friends did. Which wasn’t much to base a plan off, even with his gut telling him not to trust him. So instead of doing anything, he just stared back at Jones, who just smiled at him.

“Before we do anything, M Manes,” Jones said, his eyes circling between Alex and the machine, taking a few steps towards the latter, so that he could touch it with his hands. Alex opened his eyes in shock - the machine was reacting to Jones, the metal seemingly changing color. “I want to thank you,” he continued after a long exhale as his hand came into contact with the machine, “for bringing me exactly to where I wanted to be.” He pointed his last words by looking back at Alex, smiling in a way that was so un-Max it creeped Alex out.

He swallowed his saliva hard and frowned, how did Jones find him? Jones must’ve felt Alex’s confusion, since he continued, waving his sword around and finally settling it on his shoulder. “Oh Alex,” he said, shaking his head, “I wish I could answer all your questions, but you see I am a bit in a hurry and you are the final link I need to break.”

With that, he took the final steps towards Alex, and swung his sword down. Alex closed his eyes, knowing what was coming, having been close to death before. He waited for the sharp pain to come, already calculating his chance of survival, knowing he couldn’t move and was at Jones’ mercy. But the blow never came. He opened his eyes slowly, hesitantly, to see Jones frozen in motion, his eyebrows frowned, clearly using his force but being blocked by an invisible force. The sword was a few millimetres from Alex’s chest, touching the fabric of his jumper, so close that he could feel the heat coming from it.

“Don’t touch him!” came a shout from the entrance of the barn, making Alex raise his head in its direction, even though he already knew who it was from. Jones hadn’t moved, couldn’t probably, and was thrown away to the left of the barn, his sword flying into Michael’ hand as he ran towards Alex. Alex could feel his feet touching the ground, but didn’t have to balance to steady himself and fell, making Michael lean to him.

“Are you okay? Did he hurt you? I’m gonna-” he rambled as is eyes searched Alex’s body for any sign of injury, the furry clear in his eyes, making Alex chuckle, “I’m fine, Michael,” he interrupted, “Thank you,” he added sincerely, raising Michael’s head with his right hand so they eyes could meet. The furry in Michael melted for a bit, but regained it’s amplitude as Jones laughed on the side.

“Oh isn’t it so cute, saving each other's lives.” He stood up, brushing his trousers with his hands before using his telekinesis to bring the sword back to him. “Anyway, I think some formal introductions are needed, don’t you think, son?”

Alex raised an eyebrow at this. Son? He looked back and forth between Michael and Jones, the latter smiling and the former avoiding him. “Oh my god,” he groaned, his head falling back against the wood panel he was earlier pinned against.

Michael stayed silent, his eyes looking at the floor, his body slightly shaking from what Alex assumed was anger mixed with a bit of fear. Fear of what it meant, fear of what he might become. It was one thing knowing the horrors of your father, another to actually see them. And Alex knew that very well. He stood up, using the wall to balance himself, and stepped in front of Michael, facing Jones. He crossed his arms against his chest and lifted his chin, defying Jones. He knew that it probably wasn’t the best idea, but he also knew very well that all his rational thoughts flew out the window when it came to Michael. And in this moment, he wanted nothing more than to protect him.

“I have an offer for you, Michael,” Jones breathed out, as if tired of this nonsense. What nonsense exactly, Alex didn’t know, but he didn’t want to find out what Jones would do to speed things up. At the mention of his name, Michael looked up, Alex still feeling the anger and fear off of him. “I have a plan, you see. One that involves coming back home,” he smiled at Michael, who unconsciously took a step forward at the mention of home. Jones must’ve noticed it too, as he continued, “I could take you with me, if you wanted. You could see where you are from, the family you have that stayed, the life you so desperately wanted, a life where you are loved, my son.”

As he spoke, Michael took a few steps forward, until he was now the one in front of Alex. Alex looked at him move, his mind racing through all the possibilities. As Michael turned his head towards him, however, all fears about being left alone disappeared. The look Michael gave him was a look he had once described as ‘making him seventeen again’, and he couldn’t agree more with that statement. It was a look of hope and love, but not directed towards Michael’s father or home planet, no. It was directed to the one person who had made him belong on earth. Alex.

The look didn’t last long, though, as Michael turned his head towards Jones. Alex couldn’t see his face, but if he based himself on Jones’ reaction, he could see it satisfied him. His eyes stared at the back of Michael’s skull, all he wanted to do was close his eyes and keep Michael’s look burned into his mind. But he couldn’t. He couldn’t bare himself to not watch, wanting more than anything to trust Michael. For Michael to have the same hope that he had, in them.

Michael walked forwards until he was face to face with Jones, feeling each other’s breaths on their faces. He whispered something that Alex couldn’t hear and the reaction was immediate. Jones, who was previously smiling like the evil mastermind that he was, became instantly furious, a fire burning in his eyes. Alex wanted to shout, tell Michael to take cover, but he didn’t have time as it all happened in a matter of seconds.

Jones went flying against the closest wall but not through it - which Alex found strange with the force that was used against him. His sword went to Michael’s right hand, holding it firmly. He could see Michael’s shoulders raise as he inhaled deeply. And then, just as fast as Michael threw Jones and took his sword, he pushed a bit harder and Jones vanished towards the desert.

Michael turned around finally walking slowly towards Alex, letting Alex fully see him. His hair was a mess, and had been since before he walked into the barn, anger still clear on his face. It was different, though, thought Alex as Michael waked until stopping a few feet in front of him, it was like it had diminished a bit. So had the fear, he realised, it was still there, probably would always be there, but it felt more like a background emotion, not at the forefront of Michael’s thoughts.

The two of them stared at each other for what felt like forever, Jones forgotten. “You stayed,” Alex said, echoing Michael’s words from the first morning he woke up in the airstream. Michael smiled at him, taking a deep, shallow breath, “My family is here on earth,” he said weakly, nearly a whisper. He swallowed and continued, his eyes never leaving Alex’s, “You are,” he whispered this time, so quietly that Alex nearly didn’t hear him.

Except he heard the whisper. Loud and clear. Resonating through his body bringing tears to his eyes and smile to his lips. He closed the distance between them and hugged Michael, hard. The hug was awkward, neither properly used to them, especially with each other, but they both clung hard, not wanting to let go.

“I’m not going anywhere, Alex,” whispered Michael in Alex’s ear, “Neither am I, Michael,” answered Alex in the same tone. They leaned out of the hug, their foreheads touching, the outside world a problem for another time. Right now, they needed to reassure each other, hold each other, the rest could be figured out later. They had time.

Eventually they came out of the barn, and were met with Isobel, Liz and Rosa who had put Jones back in a pod. The three women looked at both of them, smiling as they saw how closely they were walking, but distant enough that everyone knew they still had some distance to go, conversations to be had, lost time to be caught. And that would happen, in its own time, now that they were both on earth and planning to stay.

#i do not want jones to give michael an ultimatum #the pain i will be in if he does #but michael has a family on earth #anyway these are my feelings post 307 #oh and title from the hand that you hold #great song #very malexy #alex manes #michael guerin #jones #malex #rnm #roswell new mexico #rnm fic #malex fic #thesquidkid writes

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mosswillow · 3 years

Text

Iced Coffee - Dark!Stephen Strange x Reader.

Summary:

You met Stephen Strange your last year of medical school. He was godlike and you were infatuated. You liked him and in return he humiliated you. Years later you were over it; made a career for yourself.

He saw you again, remembered you, wanted you. He was going to show you that he had changed, win you over. You would be his and he would protect you forever, he just had to prove himself.

Series Warnings:

18+ adult content, Dark, Rape/noncon, obsessive behavior, stalking, doctor/medical themes, mild/moderate doctor kink, needles (chapter one, not sex related), violence, abuse, kidnapping, forced marriage, smut, escape attempt, dirty talk (my best attempt at least).

Potential warnings, a non-exhaustive list: Oral, praise kink, mild degradation (Will not include whore or slut)

You can join the tag list here.

A/N: Now that I’ve been writing for a few months I’m experimenting with different styles. If you’ve read my other stuff lmk what you think (ask, comment, message, whatever.)

Thank you to the unnamed requester and @couldntbedamned for this request. 🖤

By Clicking keep reading you confirm that you are over 18 and understand that this content is mature and potentially triggering.

CHAPTER 1

Stephen was the most brilliant man you had ever met. School was a joke to him, he easily outperformed everyone no matter the subject. He was confident, lived his life with this air of superiority, and you were obsessed. You couldn’t keep your eyes off of him, sat next to him in class, helped him when he asked. He was nice to you too, he was an asshole almost all the time but when he talked to you it was gentle, respectful.

It was October third when it happened, the date would forever be burned in your memory. He turned to you and asked you the date.

“It’s october third,” you smiled.

He thanked you and touched his hand to your arm and you felt a spark, you were sure he felt it too.

But he didn’t feel it, you were so very wrong.

You found out just how wrong you were that evening in the worst possible way. It was so unexpected, so hurtful. You walked into the small coffee shop you and your friends frequented and saw them all in the corner, socializing. A stab of pain struck you in the chest; nobody invited you. Maybe you should have backed away, recognized you weren’t wanted but you heard your name. You thought they had seen you, called you over.

They hadn’t seen you though, weren’t talking to you.

They were talking about you.

“Poor thing, thinks she has a chance with me,” you heard Stephen laugh.

You walked behind him, tears welling in your eyes and someone nudged him awkwardly. He looked up and made eye contact with you. A tear fell down your face as you backed away from the group. It was like a nightmare, like looking down and seeing you were naked, but this wasn’t a dream. It was horrifyingly real.

“Pathetic,” you heard him say to the laughing group of people you called friends.

It broke you.

You spent the remainder of your time in school avoiding him and every friend who had been there. You poured yourself into your studies and came out of it stronger than before, like a phoenix being reborn - You were brand new, beautiful, powerful.

You became a doctor and scientist and a damned good one at that. But Stephen was always better. Every conference, every medical magazine, he was there; always at the top. You could never escape him.

Until his accident.

He was suddenly gone, you couldn't believe it. Dr. Stephen Strange, the most accomplished neurosurgeon, lost his hands. The shock wiped through the medical community, a travesty they said. It wasn’t a travesty to you though, It was almost uncomfortable how happy you were at his downfall. It felt so freeing to see the great and mighty Doctor Strange fall so far, for your bully to lose the thing that was most precious to them. He became irrelevant, dropped from magazines and conferences and disappeared without a trace. You were truly content for the first time in your life. You were free.

Stephen flexed his fingers and smiled. It was a long road to recovery but he did it, he was a neurosurgeon again and even better now. He was godlike, able to perform surgeries that he could only dream of before. He wasn’t just going to get his life back, he would flourish, go above and beyond his already impressive list of accomplishments, he would dominate.

He walked into the conference full of confidence, an arrogant smile plastered on his face. The gasps and stares made him stand even straighter, walk with even more purpose. He always loved being the center of attention, it made him feel superior.

It was his addiction, to be special, better than everyone around him. The craving for greatness was a consequence of his birthright. He needed to be better because he was better. His brain was like a radiant flame, he shined brighter than everyone around him and he knew it.

“Stephen, good to see you,” a group of colleagues surrounded him, patting him on the back. He felt at home, this was where he belonged.

The auditorium started filling and he followed the group in, sitting in the back and opening his pamphlet. It wasn’t usually his type of lecture to listen to but he had time to kill before his next panel. The speaker, a specialist in infectious disease, worked at New York Hospital where he would start back on Monday. He closed his pamphlet and waited patiently for the presentation to start.

She walked onto the stage and his body tensed as he watched her prepare for her speech. Stephen’s brain was on fire, the attraction to this stranger like nothing he had ever felt. His thoughts turned less than appropriate as he stared at her ass. He saw no panty lines and couldn’t help but imagine what did or did not lie beneath the skirt's thin fabric. She wasn’t a conventionally attractive woman but that made her even more beautiful in his mind. She was perfect for him, a mix of everything he was physically attracted to in one person. Women had thrown themselves at him but he didn’t want any of them, he wanted her.

Then she started speaking and a new wave of attraction washed through him as her intelligence became apparent. Who was this woman? He rarely felt attraction like this, attraction that consumed onto his whole being. He needed to get to know her, needed to touch her, smell her hair, hold her hand. He was obsessed.

He didn’t even realize her presentation had ended until everyone started applauding. Stephen stood and clapped along. He watched her exit the stage and as he walked closer her face suddenly flashed into his memory. He knew her years ago in med school. She liked him, she followed him around like a puppy.

Excitement built as he approached her, but she gave him one look and her face fell into a grimace.

“Stephen Strange,” He held his hand out.

Her reply was cold, “We went to school together,” she spit, ignoring his outstretched hand.

“Yes, we did, didn’t we. I’m very interested in what you’re working on. Maybe we could get together, have dinner?”

“No,” she turned and walked away from him.

“Hey,” He yelled at her, but she kept walking, giving no acknowledgement of his obvious frustration.

It didn’t take him long to catch up, he reached out and grabbed her shoulder pulling her around to face him.

“What is this hostility about?” He asked.

Her body went rigid and she wrenched her shoulder out of his hand, “Poor thing, thinks she has a chance with me,” She said through gritted teeth.

He remembered in that moment what had happened, how he used her for short lived friendships.

“I’m not that person anymore, I’m sorry, let me show you,” be begged.

“You called me pathetic,” She snarled.

“It was so long ago, please.”

She stood up tall and leaned into him. “Pathetic,” she called him before walking away again.

He stood there dazed, never having been discarded so callously. He couldn't leave it like this, he would show her he had changed and she would forgive him. He was determined. He was the great Doctor Strange and he could do anything.

A sob took over your body as you read the little piece of paper. It was over, no more money for research. The conference was your last hope to find funding and you didn’t succeed. You looked at a little blue vial and picked it up. It was a bad idea, you knew it was, but this medicine could help so many people. If you didn’t try it right then you may have never known if it worked or not. You removed your jacket, swabbed your arm and filled a syringe. A tear fell down your cheek as you depressed the plunger.

It immediately started burning, beginning in your arm and flowing throughout your veins until you were screaming in pain. The room spun around and your vision started to blur. You stood and took a few shaky steps before falling to the ground and curling into a ball. Quiet whimpers escaped your lips as you struggled not to pass out from the pain.

A knock rang through your ears and you lifted your head slightly.

“Hey, it’s me,” called a voice from the other side of the door.

Stephen, of course he would show up at the worst moment possible. You were in so much pain and part of you wanted to ask for help but you couldn’t. If anyone found out you could lose your licence and Stephen was someone you were sure would turn you in.

“It’s not a good time,” you yelled.

“I just wanted to apologize for my behavior, I was an asshole but I’ve changed. I really have.”

“Go Away Stephen.”

The doorknob jiggled and you held your breath. You had locked it, you were sure you had.

“Hey, I’m getting worried, open the door,” he demanded.

“I’m sad, ok, lost funding for my research. I don’t want you to see me cry. Happy? If you’ve actually changed you’ll leave!” you put your hand over your mouth to cover a groan, the exhaustion of talking having caused intense pain in your lungs.

“Oh, um, sorry to bother you,” he murmured.

You sighed in relief as the sound of his footsteps disappeared and then hugged your aching body, shivering and crying softly as excruciating pain moved around. It suddenly felt like you had been thrown in a freezer. It Was so cold, why were you so cold?

You shivered and cried on the floor for hours until sleep finally took you, giving a slight respite from the worst day of your life.

Series master list ~ Next Chapter

#dark!stephen strange #stephen strange x you #Stephen strange x reader #dark!stephen strange x reader #dark fic #dark marvel #dark!mcu

278 notes · View notes

weaselbrownie · 3 years

Text

forever | d.m

draco malfoy x slytherin!reader

summary : in sixth year draco started to drift away from her leaving her in the dark, until one night when she decides that enough is enough and tries to find out what’s going on in him, leading in her finding his dark mark

warnings : Mentions of blood, swearing, angst, emotional roller coaster draco

word count : 5k

Two weeks

It has been two weeks since you've had a proper conversation with Draco. You were quite confused why he was ignoring you. Sure you both aren't in a relationship, but you've always been close. You've always had a specific relationship with Draco, maybe even kissed a few times but nothing's official. All you know was that you were his and he was yours, it has always been and it will always be.

When Draco broke his arm in the second year. When you tripped down the staircase in the third year. When he got in a big argument with his dad in the fourth year. When there was a nasty rumor going around about you in the fifth year.

It was always the two of you against the world.

Well– at least it was until now, the sixth year, the year where Draco started to drift away from you. You have tried so hard to pull him aside and talk but he won't budge, always in a hurry to go somewhere or do something. You were about to give up before you saw him, he was leaving the room of requirement and into the abandoned boy's lavatory in the west wing.

From the moment he caught your eye you followed him. Sprinting behind him as the soft wind blow on your face. Draco was walking at quite a fast pace, entering the lavatory he shut the door with a loud bang just as you were about to reach for him.

Fortunately, he didn't lock it so you could slip in easily. Tiptoeing towards the middle of the cold room your skin littered in goosebumps, not knowing what to expect. You have never been here before so the outline of the room was unfamiliar. You made your way to the end of the room to see Draco scrunched up in the corner of the room by a large panel window, overlooking the dark horizon. He hugged his knees before dropping his head in the middle of it.

He was still, he didn't even look like he was breathing. You moved away from the middle of the hall and to the back of a bathroom stall to hide your body. Moments later Draco finally picked up his head again and fixed his position to sit crisis cross in front of the large window. His head tilted up to watch the stars, it was bright tonight. The dark sky littered with millions of shining stars. The full moon adding to the beauty, the soft light reflected onto Draco's pale skin making him glow.

Slowly you peaked out from behind the stall to walk towards him. He didn't recognize your presence at all, seeing as his focus still laid on the sky above him.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" You softly said looking down at Draco and then up to the sky.

Draco let out a surprised gasp before turning around to look up at you. His gaze stuck to you as he didn't move a muscle, he just sat there, bright silver eyes wide open piercing into yours. You took your vision off of the sky and into Draco below you. You let out a small smile before walking a few steps towards him again.

"Can I sit?" You chuckled again seeing as you will be doing most of the talking tonight.

Much to your dismay, Draco didn't reply but rather just nodded before turning around to look out the window again. You settled next to the boy and brought your knees up to your chest before wrapping yourself in your robe. Even though it's late you both still sat in your uniform considering you both had extra classes today.

You smiled to yourself before turning to face Draco. His face was soft and relaxed, you could tell he's been stressed lately and this was calming him down. His eyes fixed staring at one of the constellations in the sky. You followed his gaze that landed on a familiar star.

"That's Draco right?" You whispered to him while looking at the sky.

He seems to be taken back considering he broke the eye contact with the star to look at you. He crooked his head to the side before opening his mouth to let out a few soft words.

"How do you know that?"He genuinely asked, confused on how you managed to remember one of the many stars in the sky.

You let out a soft chuckle before turning to face Draco who's already looking at you with big shining eyes. "I listen you know" You smiled at the boy in front of you.

What you said was true, Draco is known to drone on and on about the topics he's passionate about, one of them being constellations. The two of you have been sneaking off to the astronomy tower since the second year. When the sky was bright and you could see the stars, he wouldn't hesitate to start talking about them. About how he got Draco as his name or how his extended family's name is all made up of all the constellations in the sky. At times you would even fall asleep on him whilst he talks about the stars, he thinks you don't listen but you do, when have you not listened to Draco.

"All those times we snuck up the tower?" He asked with a soft smile dancing on the corner of his lips.

You returned the smile and nodded. "I've always loved it when you talk about the stars" you softly started looking into his eyes. "Or when you find a new book in the library– and you read it to me" You chuckled at every memory of Draco excitedly reading to you.

Draco's mouth hung open for a few moments letting your words sink in before turning it into a smile. It was a genuine smile, a smile he hadn't shown anyone in the past two weeks. You felt a little better, even just seeing his smile. He was silent but you could read his eyes, how they sparkle in the dark telling you that he was glad you're there. You snuck your hand on top of his and he gladly took them, flipping his palm over to close his big hand around your small one.

His smile didn't last long, as Draco unexpectedly launched himself at you, bringing you into a soul-crushing hug. He didn't have to say anything and you knew he needed this, so you hugged him back, snaking your arms around his torso and letting your head rest on his shoulder.

The two of you stayed like that for a while before he pulled away and moved to lean against one of the big pillars by the window. You watched as she scattered on the floor searching for the perfect spot and position. You kept your eyes on him, watching as the front of his white hair fall against his forehead. Not long after he finally settled down and parted his legs before extending it and patting the space in front of him, motioning for you to sit in between his legs.

You smiled before gathering yourself to crawl over to his arms. You set yourself in front of him, your back connected to his chest. You leaned back getting comfortable in his embrace as you looked over to the right to take in the dark scenery. His arms snaked to your torso keeping you close to him before you felt his chin on your shoulder, huffing out a loud sigh.

It was moments like these that you cherish most. Moments where you and Draco are most vulnerable in private. Nobody has seen either of you like this, the both of you have such strict reputations. To the world, the two of you were the great big scary Draco Malfoy and Y/N Y/L/N, the two cold Slytherins, the two most heartless students in all of Hogwarts.

But to the two of you– you're just Y/N, and he is just Draco. You're just kids who’re trying to have fun and pass school. You're just people who want to make it in the real world. You're just two lost souls who need one another to keep going.

So deep in your thoughts, you didn't even notice Draco calling your name. You blinked a few times before leaning your head against his, slightly shifting towards him.

"Yes Draco?" you cooed to the boy behind you.

"Thank you.." He mumbled slowly into your shoulder before a smile formed his lips.

You chuckled again before turning your head to give him a peck on the side of his hairline. You fixed your position and sunk on the floor even more and leaned back on him. He picked his head up from your shoulder and leaned back to the cold marble pillar, tightening his grip on your torso.

You smiled to yourself before putting your hands over his to trace his fingers. Whilst playing with his hands one of your fingers traced a bit too far up into his sleeves and you felt something that wasn't supposed to be there.

The skin on the inside of his left wrist felt different, it wasn't smooth like the rest of him. It was as if someone was harshly scratching on the delicate skin. His grip was strong and so you couldn't see what your fingers felt just seconds ago.

You start to worry, overthinking in your head. Is this part of the reason Draco has been so distant? What has he been doing? There was nothing more you want to do than just turn around and ask him but right now it wasn't an option. Draco has been avoiding you for weeks and if you ask a sensitive subject now he might just run out of your life forever. Pushing all the bizarre thoughts out of your head you decided to drop it and ask another time.

So instead of confronting him, you let go of his left wrist and just placed your hands on his forearms. Snuggling deeper into Draco you find yourself drifting. The cool atmosphere of the bathroom and the dimly lit room not helping you fight the urge to fall asleep. So with the last of energy you have, you push yourself up and turned around to find Draco asleep.

You smiled softly at him before caressing his cheeks and whispered his name to wake him. Draco's eyes flutter and he readjusted his position. Draco sat upright and held your hips, silently asking if everything was alright.

"We need to head back" You whispered to him with your hands still on his cheek.

He simply nodded before stretching his neck and getting up. You turned around still on your knees before bending down and picking up your bookbag. Standing up with ease you turned around once more to see Draco looking down at you. You smiled at him before you start to head for the door. You could barely get 5 steps in before Draco came next to you and took your book bag from your shoulder and slinging it onto his shoulder instead. You stopped in your tracks and looked up at him, however, Draco didn't stop. He kept walking at a slow pace until he reached the door.

"Well.. come on now," Draco said looking back at you while extending his hand in your direction.

You were surprised yes, but that didn't stop you from blushing before jogging up to meet him. You took his hand and the both of you started to wall down the dark hallway hand in hand.

After that night Draco has made more of an effort to spend time with you, he didn't run off after class like he used to, he even sat down every meal with you. Things were starting to get back to normal, but not quite yet. Every night after dinner Draco always has an excuse, Snape needs him or the prefects’ duties, but you knew he was lying but you didn't want to push your luck– until tonight.

You decided you've had enough of being kept in the dark and decided to confront him. You were about to do it after dinner but per usual he's already gone, running into the dark spots of Hogwarts. Slightly annoyed you decided it'll be best if you just wait for him in his dorm.

After Dumbledore dismissed everyone you practically sprint down to the dungeons and into the cold green common room, rushing up the stairs you went into the boy's section, thank Merlin for Draco's private prefect dorm. You opened the door and slowly crept in. His dorm was a little chilly, his books neatly stacked on his desk and his bed nicely made.

You shrugged off your robe and placed it on his chair before coming to sit on his soft bed. You took a seat on the edge of the bed and took in the scenery of his dorm before collapsing backward and taking a pillow to snuggle.

Draco left you waiting for around 15 minutes before coming back. The hood of your eyes started to get heavy as it flutters. Before you could completely close your eyes the door burst open revealing a flushed Draco. Your body jolted up in surprise, and you quickly stood in panic. Once you saw who it was you let yourself sit on the edge of the bed again.

"What are you doing here?" Draco blurted out in a not-so-welcoming tone.

"I was waiting for you," You said slowly as you stood up from the bed.

Draco eyed you up and down, your hair was slightly messy and your uniform was all halfway done. The top button of your shirt undone and your tie loose, your jumper raised to your hips and your skirt hitched a little higher than usual.

"Now isn't a good time love" Was all Draco said before turning around to shrug off his robe and placed it on top of yours.

You fixed yourself a little, pulling your jumper and skirt down before walking a few steps towards him. "Draco–" You started in a slight whisper tone.

"Go back to your dorm, it's late and I'm tired," He said sternly.

"Dray please–"

"I said I'm tired Y/L/N!" He hissed at you, turning around completely to face you.

You flinched backward at his action, Draco was many things but being aggressive with you wasn't one of them. You weren't scared, Draco would never in a million years hurt you, but you were rather surprised.

"Draco please, I'm trying to fix something here!" You talked back to him showing him that you weren't going to back down.

Draco only scoffed and rolled his eyes before taking his book bag that sat on the floor and swung it onto his shoulder. Walking past you and into the side of his bed where a large cabinet sat. You stood there, your eyes wide at his reaction.

"Can you not be an arse for once Draco!" You turned around and shouted at him which caused him to freeze while putting his books away.

Draco put the book he was holding on the floor before letting out a dark chuckle and smirked slightly. He picked up his head to look at you. Your face was red from rage and your arms crossed in front of you. Draco's jaw tensed and he backed away from the cabinet to stand straight. He mimics your posture, crossing both arms in front of his chest before slowly walking towards you.

"I wasn't the one to break into someone else's dorm– just to annoy them with stupid questions– when clearly the other person is too tired to speak!" Draco practically growled at you, his eyes darkening and his smirk dropping.

"Well forgive me for caring about you" You hissed back at the blond boy standing in front of you.

"Oh cut the bullshit Y/L/N! I don't need you sticking your head somewhere it doesn't belong" Draco spat at you, walking closer than before.

You groaned again in annoyance as you threw your hands up in the air, shuffling around in the spot where you stood. "You always do this Draco... Always!" You whispered the last part. "I just want to help you–" your sentence was cut short by Draco's loud groan.

"Piss off Y/N! I don't need your help with anything, I'm capable thankyou very much" Draco hissed in a sarcastic tone at you.

"What the fuck is your problem, I'm right here to offer you my hand and you're still pushing me away!" You shouted at him, tears on the verge of your eyes threatening to fall any second now.

"Well I don't need it– So just leave, I know you want to!" He shouted back at you, taking more steps forward closer to your shaking figure.

You were tired, your body aches from a long day of school and all you wanted to do was snuggle deep in Draco's warm embrace but here you were, screaming and snapping at each other. As Draco got closer you could see the smallest amount of tear on the corner of his eyes, he was tired just like you were. You pulled yourself together, if you give up now there might not be another chance.

"Just go– I don't need you here Y/N..." He said sternly, trying to hold back something big.

Your jaw tensed at his words and your mouth curled to the tiniest pout before you let a single tear roll down your face. You took a deep breath and shook your head a little. Your gaze dropped to your shoes as you were debating with yourself on what to do next. You decide that maybe it's time for a different approach. Trying to get him to talk clearly wasn't helping in any way.

With your heart on the tips of your fingers, your hand reached up to hold his. His eyes stayed on you, burning a hole into your skull if possible. Your body jolts in electricity as the tip of your warm fingers touched his. Draco didn't move a muscle, he didn't even close his hand around yours like he usually would.

Not giving up you stepped a little closer to Draco while your hand trailed up his forearm. Before you could move your hand even higher you touched the spot again. The spot you touched on the inside of his wrist many nights ago in the abandoned bathroom. Except for this time, it was a different texture, it wasn't just rough and dry it was damp. In panic, you tore your hand away from Draco and lifted it to your face. Your eyes widen in horror as you came face to face with blood.

Your middle finger was stained with bits of dry blood, you gasped as did Draco. Before you could do anything he started to shuffle backward, you froze in place trying to process what just happened.

"Dray–" You started softly just to get cut off once more.

"I told you to leave Y/N– So leave!" Draco started to panic even more than you did.

You shook your head again before tearing your eyes away from your fingers to look at Draco. He was starting to really panic. His chest was heaving up and down ad he stumbles while walking backward. His eyes were blank as he shook his head. Draco brought his hands up to loosened the tie around his neck as it was suffocating him.

You started to move towards Draco, placing your hands in front of you to try to calm him down. That's when Draco broke. All the tears he tried hard to conceal burst down his face, his breath started to get uneven, you didn't know what to do so you watched him as he slowly broke down.

Your heart aches just looking at him, Draco Malfoy, the boy you've loved for years on end. Draco fell back onto his bed and buried his head on the palms of his hands. Another tear escaped your eyes as you try to get closer to him. You placed a hand on his shoulder squeezing it reassuringly. He didn't look up or moved from his previous position, he just continued to sob into his hands.

You took a seat next to him before placing the hand that was on his shoulder onto his cheek. Draco finally looked up to see your tear-stained face, he sniffled a little before completely throwing himself on you. His actions took you by surprise but you hugged him tightly back, rubbing his back you whispered sweet nothings into his ear that seems to calm him down a little.

"Y/N you need to leave..." Draco mumbled into your shoulder, breaking the silence.

"Wha– No!" You said a little louder than he did as your eyes widened in surprise

"I'm not going anywhere Draco– We'll get through this, w-whatever this is– I'm not gonna leav–" You were cut off by Draco once more when he tore away from your arms to stand up.

"You don't get it Y/N! I'm dangerous–I could hurt you!" He shouted in frustration as his hand flew up to his blond locks

"Draco what could you possibly do to hurt me?" You stood up in front of him, confused about why he wants you to leave so badly.

Draco shuffled around for a little, groaning in frustration every once in a while before streaming down tears on his face again. You didn't know what to do so you stayed in your spot, hugging your figure as you watched the boy in front of you.

"Draco I'm sure it isn’t that bad– We can figure something out and then w–"

"I’m a death eater!" Draco shouted at you, shutting you up.

As if all the love in the world was sucked, you stood staring at the figure in front of you. Your eyes widened at the realization of what Draco just said. You couldn't bring yourself to give a big reaction, you silently stood back let your tears out.

"N-no.." You chocked out still not moving from your previous state.

"Yes Y/N, I can't protect you anymore you have to leave!" Draco murmured, looking down onto the floor in shame.

"No– Y-you can’t possibly be a death eater–" You said to him shaking your head in disbelief.

"And why not Y/N? My dad's a death eater my whole family are death eaters! I was next in line and it was time–" Draco started as he stutters his words towards the shaking girl in front of him.

"Trust me when I said I would change the past if I could, but truth is I can't! Y/N I cant!" His words got louder as the frustration is getting to him.

"Every day I look on my arm and I see the mark of death, I am marked for death! And I tried to protect you for so long but I can only do so much Y/N– I've lost everything in my life and I can’t lose you too" Draco spat out, choking on his own tears and pain.

"Dray–" You said, standing still in front of him hugging yourself as you watch him get all his pain and anger out.

Before you could get another word out Draco aggressively rolled up his sleeve revealing his dark mark– surrounded by red scratches. You gasped as your hand flew to your mouth covering it. "Look what they did to me!" Draco shouted as more tears run down his pale face.

"Oh Draco.." You murmured as you start to walk towards him. When you were just a few feet in front of him you extended your hand out to take his one. You grasped his hand in yours softly before lifting it higher. Your eyes scan his arm, every detail of the dark mark, every end of scar from his scratches.

You finally let go of his arm and your hand snaked up to hold his face. His tears seemed to have stopped but each drop was strained on his face. You tore your gaze away from his arms and focused on him. Looking up you could see his bright eyes peaked from his heavy lids and thick lashes.

Draco seems to notice how you're memorizing every detail on his face, he looked into your eyes before looking into your lips and back at your eyes. You noticed his little glance and decided to just go for it.

Without moving too much you closed the space between the two of you. Your lips pecked his slightly chapped one before cupping his face with your other hand that previously sat on his arm. Draco stayed still for a moment before returning your kiss with even more passion. You were getting dizzy as if all the crying wasn't already enough to knock you out, you were breathing hard against Draco. His arms snaked to your hips as he deepened the kiss a little. After what seems like an eternity you pulled away and wiped his wet face with your thumbs.

"You really thought I was going to walk away from you?" You softly asked, breaking the heavy silence that sat in the dim room.

Draco didn't answer you but rather just nodded in shame. "Can I ask a question?" You said again looking into his face. Draco looked back up at you and silently nodded again. "Why did you scratch it?" You murmured at the boy in front of you.

"It's stupid, but sometimes it hurts so much that I thought it would just come off if I scratch it deep enough..." Draco said slowly as his jaw tightens.

Your heart breaks at his answer, all this time Draco has been going through all of this alone in fear that you would run away. All this time you could've helped prevent him from hurting himself but you didn't. You cursed yourself for not asking sooner. You nodded when he finished his statement and hugged him. Your arms making way to the back of his neck as you rested your head on his shoulder, Draco holding on to you tighter in fear you might just disappear if he didn't.

You lead him away from the spot where you stood and towards his connecting bathroom, stopping at his dresser to take out a jumper and some random sweatpants. You entered the cold bathroom and goosebumps started to form on your skin. Slowly you backed him up against the sink countertop as he leaned on the edge.

"You need to change," You said softly to the boy in front of you.

"Can you help?" Draco said as he placed a hand onto your arm when you were just about to leave the bathroom.

You smiled up to the boy before nodding. You brushed a fallen hair behind your ear before placing your hands on the bottom of his jumper. Slowly you lifted the piece of clothing as Draco held his arm up. When you got the jumper off you started to work your hands on his tie, he kept his eyes on you the whole time. Just when you got his tie off he came down and attacked your lips with his again. You slowly kissed him back as if you've been together forever. Your hands continue to undo the buttons on his shirt, and when you got to the bottom you pulled away from his lips just to reattach them on his collarbone, spreading little kisses on his cold skin. You tugged his shirt off before you moved down your lips to his chest, after discarding him of his shirt you pulled away and place your lips on his once more before completely pulling away to get the fresh jumper sitting on the counter.

Before you placed the jumper on him you reached for your wand and held up his wrist. You looked up at him silently asking if he was okay and he gave you a nod of confirmation for you to clean his scratched arm. You quickly whispered a spell that cleaned his arms and wrapped them in a bandage. You placed your wand back onto the counter as you brought his wrist up to your lips giving it a quick peck.

You took the jumper and continued to dress him, doing the same with his pants before changing yourself too. You went over to the sink and splashed some water on your face as Draco copied your actions.

After the two of you got comfortable you lead him out of the bathroom and back into his room. You continued to lead him to the bed and opened the covers to get him in the warm embrace of his bed. You tucked him in, bringing the covers up to his chest and kissing the top of his head before you started to walk away. Draco grabbed your hand keeping you in place just when you turned around.

"Stay.." He softly said looking up at your figure.

You turned around and smiled at him before coming to the other side of the bed and got under the covers with him. You shuffled in under the covers to get closer to Draco as he did the same. You laid your arms out for Draco to crawl in and that's exactly what he did. The scent of citrus and mint wash over you as he snuggled closer to you, resting his head on the crook of your neck. His arms snaked onto your hips and his legs tangled themselves with yours. You closed your arms around his shoulder to keep him close and kissed the top of his head before playing with the ends of his hair.

"I'm not going anywhere Dray" You murmured into his hair as you felt him shift a little under you and fasten his arms on your hips.

"Yeah?.." He replied softly not moving from his position.

"Everything that's gonna happen after this, I'll be here, I'll always be here" You smiled into his hair as you make a promise you know you will never break.

"Forever?.." Draco asked as he snuggled deeper into you.

"Forever"

#draco #draco malfoy #draco malfoy imagine #draco malfoy x reader #draco malfoy x slytherin!reader #draco malfoy angst #draco malfoy fluff #harry potter #harry potter imagine #draco x y/n

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solastia · 3 years

Text

Tuqburni: Finale - Heartbreak

Pairing: Yoongi X Reader, Hoseok x Reader

A/N: Here you go with an alternate ending where she DIDN’T choose to go back to them. Angst, with a bit of hope (hyuck). Please remember, in my mind the other ending is canon and I will be releasing an epilogue eventually of them together in the future. Until then, enjoy this. It really hurt me to make my Yoongichi cry.

*******************************************************************************************

You sat on your tiny patio in the beat-up rocking chair you’d bought from a thrift store as you waited for Namjoon to come by. You probably could have waited inside, but it felt too big and empty for your liking. A familiar knock rattles your very wobbly-sounding door and you get up with a sigh, closing the sliding glass behind you as you head to the front door.

You open it without checking, knowing that there were only two people in the world who knew where you lived now.

Namjoon and Seokjin are standing there with hands brimming with equipment.

“Come on in. The room’s mostly set-up now.”

They kick off their shoes somehow and scuffle towards the second bedroom that was mostly sparse beyond a desk holding your computer, a chair, and soundproofing foam panels on the walls. In the pair’s arms were the rest of the recording equipment you’d need to establish the room as your official workspace.

Namjoon mumbles that he can take care of the setup so you let Jin pull you to the tiny kitchen and put on some tea while you wait.

“So...how was your first night as an independent woman?” Seokjin asks while he pulls down your new mugs and turns on the kettle.

“...Alright, I guess. Quiet,” you murmur softly, putting bags in the cups.

He nods in understanding. You’d moved out of their place after staying there for nearly a month. You’d tried leaving earlier, but Seokjin and Namjoon had been adamant that you needed to stay and let them watch out for you for a little while before you decided. Personally, you’d suspected that they’d probably thought they were on suicide watch, but you were fine. Well, perhaps not fine, but nowhere near thinking about that kind of thing.

“I wasn’t sure if I was going to tell you or not, but you should know that Yoongi didn’t take it well,” he sighs and sets down his cup. “There was...a lot of yelling. A lot of...you know...him puffing up and getting angry at us to hide how devastated he was. He blamed us and said we were turning you against him and that setting up a studio in your apartment so you’d never have to see him again was obviously something that I came up with because you would never do that. He even started saying some stuff about how Namjoon was obviously using this as a chance to steal you away because of the tiny crush he had on you back when you all first met.”

“Oh, Jesus,” you huff and rub your eyes. “I’m sorry you had to deal with that. He’s...that’s just always been his fighting style. He zeros in on the one thing he can say that would hurt you the most and stabs you with it. Please don’t hold it against him.”

He reaches over and pets your hair softly. “I know. It’s...it’s going to take a while but he’s going to need us too when this starts to settle down a little more. Right now you are our priority because you’re the one that’s been wronged, but...he’s still our marshmallow Yoongichi and we’ll need to pick him up too. Even if we are incredibly disappointed in him. Both of them.”

You nod, closing your eyes. “He...did he look...bad?”

“Yeah, I’m not gonna lie. His clothes were all messed up and he’s gotten really skinny. Don’t think he’s eating much either. But...you don’t need to worry about that. That’s not your responsibility. He made his choices. Jimin made his choices. Now it’s time for you to have your turn.”

You nod silently, knowing he was right. That didn’t make it any easier.

It felt almost like you’d been in a trance since that night Yoongi had ordered you to leave. You remembered driving to Jin’s and sitting in their guestroom, staring at the ceiling blankly once your chest hurt too much to cry any longer.

When the knocking started, there had been one tiny spark of hope that Yoongi had finally come to his senses and was there to apologize. To drop to his knees and beg you to come back. That he would do anything…

But the high tones of Jimin’s begging squashed that final dream. Yoongi couldn’t even be bothered to come even now. He had to send Jimin to do the talking for him. And finally...FINALLY...you were overcome by rage.

No more. You were done.

You shook your head no to Namjoon’s silent question over whether he should let Jimin inside, and then you just stood there listening to him trying to talk through the door. He said some things that surprised you and some that didn’t. You’d known he was developing some sort of feeling for you - whether that was actually love or that he just liked having sex you didn’t know, and really you weren’t sure you cared anymore.

He’d managed to stick around for an hour, which had impressed you, but you hadn’t been surprised when he finally gave up and left. That had also been the last time you’d seen or heard from either of them. Yoongi hasn’t tried to call and you certainly weren’t going to be the one to beg for him to take you back. You had absolutely nothing to apologize for. You’d done nothing but love that man with everything you had - and it still hadn’t been good enough.

It was with that thought in mind that you essentially set up camp in the Kim household while you tried to figure out your next steps. They’d been kind enough to go get some of your belongings. Apparently, Jimin had cried while he helped them pack up enough for now and promised to have everything else ready for them to come back for later. Namjoon put you on official leave from work and with a few changes on social media you were now almost officially completely severed from your life with Yoongi. The house had been in his name, you’d never combined accounts, your car was your own. Honestly, it seemed almost too easy. Your lives were now entirely separate beyond the tears in your soul that would last forever.

Namjoon had convinced you to keep your job, promising that you could work from home and the company would cover the costs of converting your second room into a studio. It was incredibly indulgent on his part but you didn’t even think of turning him down. You loved your job and you definitely needed the financial comfort it would bring as you started over. The rest of the apartment was still kind of shabby since you’d been worrying about the studio first, but eventually, you’d get around to making it feel like a home.

Namjoon struts from the studio with a grin, wiping his hands together. “All done! Just waiting for you to set up passwords and stuff now. Kinda jealous now. Jin, can I set up a studio at home? I like the idea of working in my underwear.”

Seokjin scowls playfully. “Don’t even think about it.”

You huff lightly, but don’t miss the way they seemed to be discussing something with their eyes before they both turn to you.

“There’s...uh...something else that you should probably know. You might not want to know or care but we thought we should at least tell you,” Namjoon begins, his eyes constantly flitting between yours and Jin’s.

“Just tell me, Joon.”

“They, uh. Yoongi and Jimin, they...broke up? I guess. Don’t know the whole story yet but apparently, Jimin’s been staying in a hotel near the company. We’re all watching Yoongi closely to make sure history doesn’t repeat itself, but, yeah. Thought you should probably know,” Namjoon says quickly, cringing like he expected you to go on a rampage despite the fact that you never have before.

Instead, you simply scoff, because wasn’t that just perfect. All that pain you went through, all the fighting and sacrifices, and in the end, it was all for nothing.

“Are you okay?” Seokjin asks softly, bumping your shoulder with his.

You smile up at him, though it doesn’t meet your eyes. “I will be.”

******

“I can’t believe you’ve done this.”

You sigh angrily into your phone as you walk towards the cafe, wondering for the millionth time why you let Kim Seokjin order you around so much.

“It’s been six months, sweetie. It’s time and he perfect for you, I promise! He’ll be a drooling mess at your feet in no time.”

When you’d gotten ready for the café, you’d thought you were simply meeting your friend Jin for coffee and gossip, like usual. Only he’d called you when you were only a couple minutes away to inform you that it was actually a blind date. Surprise, bitch.

“Does he at least know why he’s there?”

“Of course! He was really excited too. Seems he’s had the hots for you for ages.”

You were thankful he couldn’t tease you for the blush on your cheeks. “No one calls it the hots anymore, grandpa.”

“Nevermind. Date canceled. I’m not saddling my Hobi Hobi with someone so disrespectful…”

“Calm down. Fuck, I’m not dressed for a date, Jinnie. I thought it was just going to be us so I’m just wearing jeans and a hoodie.”

“It’s not my fault you don’t dress up for me.”

You finally reach the café and stare at the sign like it would give you courage. “I can’t do this…”

“Breathe. You can. You have no reason to feel guilty or undeserving. I picked the best one I can find for you, but if it doesn’t work out that’s okay too. There is no pressure. All I want is for you to be happy.”

Your heart swelled, remembering that, oh yeah, this is why you kept Kim Seokjin around.

“I really love you a lot, you know that right? You are the best friend I could ever ask for.”

He chuckles happily. “I’ll remind you that you said that the next time you get mad at me. Good luck. Call me if you need to escape. Treat Hoseokie with care, too. He’s like one of those Gremlins. Don’t put him in water or anything high, and he turns into a weird sex demon after midnight.”

“Should I ask how you know that?”

“I know everything about everyone, my dear Y/N. Everything.”

You’d call him out on his bluff if you were more certain that it actually was one.

“Alright, I’m going in. Love you.”

“Love you. Be nice to Hoseok.”

You close the call and stuff your phone in your pocket, taking the chance to brush out any wrinkles and calm yourself. You just wished that you were wearing something cuter than a pink hoodie that you were pretty sure belonged to Jin at one point. At least your converse were pink to match and you’d done your hair.

You enter the café, the stupid little bell making everyone’s heads turn toward you like you weren’t nervous enough. You think you spot the guy in question sitting next to a window, but you buy yourself some time with getting your drink first, peeking at him out of the corner of your eye.

It wasn’t that you didn’t know him at all, you’d just never really talked to him. He worked at the company as a choreographer so naturally, you’ve seen him around. It was merely that producers like you were usually goblins that cooped themselves up in their studios and didn’t really get around to meeting everyone. It was impossible to not notice Hoseok though. Beyond the fact that he was handsome, he was also incredibly bright. Both inside and outside. You were sure you’d seen every color of the rainbow on his head at some point, and it was currently a flattering shade of orange that not many could pull off.

Once you had your drink in hand, you turn and head towards the table. Hoseok is already standing to greet you, his smile wide and unabashed, and you finally begin to feel the first tingles of excitement. And maybe a few nervous butterflies.

“Hi, Hoseok,” you smile shyly and sit when he gestures to a chair, trying not to laugh when he nearly tumbles trying to sit back down.

“Hello!” he practically yells, and you finally notice that he just might be nervous too. He clears his throat and tries again. “Hi. Thanks for coming.”

“Yeah, I...uh. I’m going to be honest - I only knew this was happening a few minutes ago. I thought I was meeting Jin,” you smile awkwardly, chuckling.

He cringes and seems to droop before your very eyes. “Oh, sorry. I...I don’t want this to be a forced thing. I’ll just...uh. See you around?”

He gets up to leave and you’re not sure what makes you grab his jean jacket to stop him.

“No, please. Stay? I...I’m going to be bad at this because it’s been a long time but...I can try?”

His smile is the happiest thing you’ve ever seen in your life. “Yeah? Okay. Alright, let’s do this.”

You laugh and settle back into your seat, watching him as he does the same. He’s so expressive and vocal as he starts telling you a story about his day (one of his new kids fell and made the other ones fall like dominos and now his best dancer was out with a sprained ankle). He asked questions about your life, your interests, asked about your work. He was so beautiful and yet he looked at you like you were something awe-inspiring. It had been a long time since anyone had seemed so genuinely interested in you. Before you knew it an hour had flown by and your stomach was beginning to hurt from laughing so much.

“So, I was thinking if I hadn’t scared you off yet, maybe you’d be willing to continue this date? But like, somewhere else because if I drink another cup of tea I’m going to burst,” Hoseok wrinkled his nose and sent you a shy smile, a single tiny dimple poking out.

“I’d like that,” you grin, surprised yet again that you actually meant it. That you were actually excited to spend more time with him. “Maybe we could just walk around for a while and talk. There’s a park across the street and lots of people play music and stuff. And then maybe you could take me dancing tonight. Show off those moves you keep bragging about.”

Where had this confident woman come from?

Thankfully, his grin widens and he nods eagerly. “That sounds perfect. But first...little boys room. Be right back.”

You giggle and settle back into your see as you watch him scurry frantically to the bathrooms - no surprise since he’d downed three cups of peppermint tea. You turn to observe the room to pass the time and that’s when you spot him.

He’s standing near the pick-up counter with an iced americano in his hand, the condensation and half-melted ice suggesting he’d been there for a while. His haunted gaze is locked right on you and you meet it even as your stomach clenches with a myriad of emotions.

Six months. Such a short time in the grand scheme of things but still so long since you’d last seen him. He’s as beautiful as ever, even if he’s obviously been losing weight that he didn’t need to and his lounging around the house clothes he was wearing in public gave off the IDGAF vibe.

Yoongi seems to finally come to a decision as he saunters closer, eyes wide and unblinking like he’s afraid if he looks away for a single second you’ll disappear. He finally reaches your table and you fight the instinct to make a run for it.

“Hey,” he says softly, his hand clenching tightly enough around his drink to make the plastic crinkle.

“Hey,” you answer softly, unsure of what else to say.

“You look beautiful,” he continues with a soft tone like he’s speaking to a spooked rabbit. Perhaps he was.

“Thanks.”

He nods silently, continuing to stare. “So...you’re on a date with Hoseok?”

“Uh...yeah,” you swallow nervously. “Blind date. Seokjin set it up.”

He nods again and licks his lips. “Yeah? That’s...good. Hoseok’s a good guy.”

“Yeah. He seems nice.”

“Yeah.”

“You’re...doing okay?” You’re not sure what prompted you to ask. Perhaps there will always be a part of you that worries about him - you already know that there’s always going to be a part of your soul that belongs to him.

He shrugs, “Alright. You?”

“Yeah. I’m good. Have an apartment and going to counseling.”

He flinches as if you’d just slapped him. “Sorry.”

“It’s not just...because of you or what happened. It’s, you know, the past and all that too. Just needed to work things out. I think it’s helping. Maybe...maybe you could try it too.”

“Maybe,” he responds noncommittally, his eyes finally falling to the floor. “I miss you.”

Your heartbeat quickens. “Yeah. I miss you too.”

“Do you think...maybe we could try…”

You cut him off before he can even finish that sentence. “No.”

That was maybe too harsh because he looked like he wanted to melt into the floor straight to hell.

“I...will always miss you. And a part of me will probably always love the Yoongi I had before, but no. I don’t quite have the gift of words that you do, but I just know that we weren’t right for each other. I mean, I was technically just a very long rebound before you got your chance with Jimin again, in the end.”

“That’s not how it was. I loved you. I love you,” he grits out, his eyes taking on a steely edge as he looked back up.

“Yeah. I know you did, just maybe not the right way. And I loved you, but I let you bulldoze over me. So maybe we could have been good, but you got greedy and I needed to learn to not be a doormat.”

He nods and once again looks like a kicked puppy.

You sigh and tap on the table nervously. “But for those years that we were together - I will always love that Yoongi. I will look back and remember that once upon a time there was a man and a woman who were crazy in love and built a home together. Who had dreams of building a lifetime together. I will hope that Yoongi has a happy life and that he finds what he needs. That he can find a companion who makes him want to fight for what they have together.”

The tears streaming down his cheeks make you pause, realizing you’re fighting back some of your own.

“I love you, Min Yoongi. But you weren’t right for me. Now it’s time for me to find my place in this world. Maybe Hoseok is it, maybe he isn’t. I’d like to think I don’t need another person to help me feel complete. Whatever it is, I’m learning how to speak up and fight for myself. I hope you can learn to be happy for me.”

He nods, sniffling. “Whatever you want. I just...I just wanted you to know. I love you. I really did. And...I’m sorry. For what I did. I’m sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry I hurt Jimin. Do you think...you’ll ever want to at least talk to me?”

“I don’t know yet. Maybe someday. I don’t think you’re ready.”

“Okay. I’ll be here.”

“Yeah. I...you have to go home now, Yoongi. I’m on a date.”

His watery eyes widen again, and he nods slowly. “Right, yeah. Sorry. Again. And...please. Call me or whatever if you ever need anything. I...won’t expect anything else. Just know that I’m here if you need someone. Can I ask for that, at least?”

You nod, “Yeah. Thank you, Yoongi. I’ll...see you around.”

He gulps and backs up. “Yeah, see you, Y/N.”

He turns swiftly and practically jogs towards the entrance while you try to memorize what could be your last glimpse of the man you once loved.

“Everything okay?”

You jump and your eyes fly over to meet the sympathetic ones of Hoseok.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you. I saw him talking to you and thought it was best to let you have privacy. Was that okay?”

“Yeah,” you sigh. “He just wanted to talk. And...it was good. I think I finally feel a little more closure.”

“So...I’m not like a rebound, right? Like, I know that you guys were dating and I heard some of it from Seokjin but...”

“Uh...you’re the first time I’m trying to actually date since Yoongi. If that clears things up a bit,” you answer with a blush. You were not about to go into detail about those couple months of desperate hookups you’d used to try and gain your confidence back before you’d started therapy.

Thankfully, he seems to not mind that bit of news judging by the wicked grin that paints his lips. “Oh?”

“Shut up,” you growl, playfully swatting him.

He chuckles and reaches out a hand to you. “Do you still feel up to continuing our date? If not, I’ll totally understand and we can reschedule. I’ll only cry and stress-eat a tiny bit, I promise.”

You snort and accept his hand, letting him help you up. In a moment of bravery, you lace your arm in his and tug him towards the entrance.

“Just you try to get away from me now, Jung Hoseok.”

He giggles and lets you lead the way, both of you exiting the café and feeling hopeful about the future.

#bts #bts fanfic #bts fanfiction #tuqburni #solastia #bts angst

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abaikgirl · 3 years

Text

Family Outing

Happy Father’s Day to Sir Nighteye! Have a cute little fic under the cut of Nighteye spending the day out with his kids. (I will continue to ignore canon so I can write all the fluffy interactions I deserve!)

---------------

Togata had been the one to suggest they go to the arcade that day. Mirai had been fitted with his prosthetic a week ago and Togata and Midoriya had insisted they do something to celebrate.

When Mirai asked why the arcade, Togata explained that Eri had never been to one. Before he could suggest they go somewhere else, Mirai agreed. It broke his heart to think about all the things Eri had not experienced yet and he wanted to be a small part of fixing that.

So he met them at the address Togata had sent him and was immediately greeted by Eri’s smiling face as she launched herself at him. “Nighteye-san!” she cheered, hugging his legs. “I’m so glad you could come with us today!”

He put a hand on her head with a smile. “Me too. Thank you for inviting me.”

“She’s been talking about it all week,” Midoriya told him. “I think she was more excited about seeing you than experiencing the arcade.”

“Well, we’ll have to change that,” Mirai said.

Eri held onto his hand as they entered the building. At first the loud noises startled her and she tightened her hold on Mirai’s hand. “Is it too loud?” he asked.

She frowned and looked at the floor.

“We can go somewhere else, Eri-chan,” Togata assured her, kneeling down at her level.

She shook her head, looking determined. “I want to try.”

Mirai admired her courage. “Let’s make a deal then. If you change your mind or need to go outside to rest, just say ‘break time’ and we’ll go, ok?”

The idea made her relax and she nodded. “Ok.”

It had been years since Mirai had been to an arcade, not since his early hero career. Togata and Midoriya led them around and let Eri try out any game she wanted. They asked multiple times if Mirai wanted to join in, but he declined, more content just watching the three of them have their fun.

After about twenty minutes, Mirai began to feel winded and Togata didn’t miss the way he clutched his side as he sank down in an unused console chair of a fighting game. Midoriya and Eri were playing a drumming game and didn’t notice.

“Are you alright?” Togata asked.

“Fine,” Mirai insisted. “Just tired.”

Togata gave him a stern frown that Mirai suspected it was supposed to be an imitation of him. “Why didn’t you bring your wheelchair if you’re having trouble getting around?”

“I don’t need it,” he told him. He tried to stand, but his prosthetic hand failed to properly grip the back of the chair so he ended up just sliding back into the chair clumsily.

Togata watched with concern and Mirai refused to meet his gaze. “I’m alright, I just need to sit for a bit.”

Midoriya and Eri finished their game and came over to them. “What’s wrong?” Eri asked. “Are you not feeling well, Nighteye-san?”

“I’m just taking a short break.”

Midoriya glanced from him to Togata, the wheels turning in his head as he tried to puzzle out the right thing to do or say. Mirai noticed Midoriya was still very jumpy around him, as if he couldn’t fully relaxed. An understandable reaction given their history and Mirai wished he knew what to say or do to help him feel more at ease.

But he wasn’t a people person. That was more All Might’s thing.

Midoriya seemed to have come up with an idea because he perked up and looked around. “How about we play a game that has chairs?” he suggested. “Eri-chan, you said you wanted to try that racing game didn’t you?”

“That’s a great idea!” Togata replied. “Then we can all play and Sir can sit down.”

Mirai tried to insist he was fine and they didn’t have to include him, but Togata and Midoriya were persistent and before he knew what was happening he was seated at a colorful console. Eri kicked her legs uselessly as she sat in her chair beside him, trying to reach the pedals and failing. Mirai gestured for her to come and sit in his lap.

“Let’s be a team. You work the wheel and buttons and I’ll handle the pedals, ok?”

She nodded enthusiastically and set about selecting her character. Much to Midoriya and Togata’s dismay, Mirai and Eri made a very good team and beat them all three rounds.

“We won again!” Eri cheered, hugging Mirai.

He laughed and hugged her back She was so easily pleased.

He caught Midoriya staring at them and blinked in confusion. “Is something wrong?”

“Uh...no,” he stammered, looking away. “I guess I’m just surprised because I’ve never heard you laugh before.”

“Really?” Togata cried. “That can’t be right. Sir laughs all the time!”

“Not recently,” Mirai admitted. “But since we’re not working right now, I guess I am more relaxed.”

He felt a bit more energetic and they resumed their circuit of the arcade. Mirai stayed with Eri as she played a game that bounced balls across panels while Midoriya and Togata wandered off. When the game finished, Mirai and Eri went looking for them and found the two boys at a UFO catcher. The prize slipped from the claw as they drew closer and they both let out cries of disappointment.

“I’m so sorry,” Midoriya said. “I’m usually pretty good at these, but I guess I’m out of practice.”

“What are you doing?” Eri asked.

As they explained the point of the machine, Mirai saw Midoriya had been trying to win an All Might plushie. “It’s an exclusive for only this machine,” Midoriya explained. “But that means he’s also the hardest to get.”

“I can get it for you,” Mirai declared.

“R-really?” Midoriya cried, lighting up with excitement.

“Are you sure?” Togata asked. “I mean, I know your other hand isn’t that coordinated yet...”

“I’ll be fine.” Mirai put in a coin and began lining up the claw. He used to visit these sorts of places to try and get all of the All Might merch that were exclusive to only the UFO catcher machines, so he was very practiced at getting difficult prizes.

He lowered the claw and scooped up the prize. “You got it!” Midoriya cried, pressing in next to him.

Mirai smiled and dropped the prize into the bin. He retrieved it and held it up. “See? Easy. The trick is knowing the angle to get the prize at.”

The three of them gazed in awe at the prize. Mirai handed it to Midoriya. “Here you are.”

“For me?” he cried. “But you were the one who won it.”

“I already have one. Besides, I won it for you.”

Midoriya took the toy and held it like it was the most precious possession he owned. “Thank you so much! I’ll treasure it forever!”

After a few more games they decided they were ready to trade in their tickets. They pooled their winnings together so Eri could get something she wanted from the prize bin. Mirai sat on a bench just outside, taking a break from the fun to sit and rest for a moment.

The three of them emerged and he turned to them. “Did you find something you wanted, Eri-chan?”

She nodded and held up her prize for him to see.

It was a small plushie, smaller than the All Might one he had won for Midoriya, but the face was unmistakable. It was a Sir Nighteye doll, an unofficial one since he never approved merch to be made of his hero persona, but it wore a little black suit and yellow tie, its little stitched face looking grumpy and stern.

Mirai looked from the little Nighteye to Eri. “Are you sure you don’t want something else?” he asked.

She shook her head, her white hair flopping around. “I wanted this one because you were one of the heroes who saved me. So now when you’re not around, I can have this to make me feel safe.”

The declaration was so pure and so unexpected, it pierced him right through the heart.

Midoriya jumped. “S-Sir, are you crying?”

“I’m alright,” he insisted, wiping his eyes. He pulled the three of them into a tight hug. “Thank you, all of you. Today was wonderful.”

#bnha #bnha fanfiction #sir nighteye #mirio togata #izuku midoriya #bnha eri #happy fathers day

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heliads · 3 years

Text

Radio Silence Chapter Two: Off the Air

Poe Dameron has been assigned to work as an intel receiver to Acer, a Resistance recon agent. They’ve only ever talked through the comms, so when she’s captured by First Order troops he assumes she’s lost forever. When Poe accidentally rescues the absolutely infuriating Resistance spy Y/N L/N from a First Order Star Destroyer, he knows she’s got nothing do with with Acer. Right?

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Poe doesn’t know what to do with himself. It’s been days since the sendoff. The suns rise and fall in different corners of the galaxy, he gets shipped off to different parts of the system in the hopes that doing something will make him feel anything at all. Nothing seems to register with him, nothing except the fact that Acer is gone. What is he supposed to do now?

He is supposed to continue on. He is supposed to swallow the loss and keep moving. He’s a commander of the Black Squadron, he’s closer to General Organa than half the guys on her staff. The issue isn’t finding things to do, it’s trying to put his heart into them. Poe knows his duty, and he knows that whatever mess he’s wallowing through right now isn’t the most efficient or effective use of his time. But it’s not that easy to turn your heart on and off like a droid, is it?

He can still hear her laugh echoing from his speakers. His feet keep unconsciously directing him towards that one recording room in the back, where he should have gone day after day. His eyes latch onto the chronometer on his wall, and he always feels that familiar rush of panic- it’s twenty standard hours, he’s going to be late and Acer’s going to tease him for it- but then he remembers. There’s no channel to open, and Acer can’t say anything to him at all if she’s locked in a dingy cell in some unknown part of the galaxy.

He can’t break the habit of expecting to talk to her. The first day after the connection severed, he was actually standing in the doorway of the receiving room before he realized where he was. He hadn’t remembered because of the nagging knowledge that Acer wouldn’t be there, or even a newly labeled placard on the door designating the room to some other scrawny operator. No, it took the sight of someone else sitting in his chair, using his same navicomputer, for the truth to finally sink back into Poe’s brain.

It hurt, in a way, to see that room reused. Just like that, Acer’s memory was wiped clean. The Resistance had to move fast to survive, he knew that, but the facts still don’t ease the leaden weight on his chest. Just seeing that guy there, listlessly spinning in the same chair Poe had always used, dusting off that spot on the console where Poe kicked his feet up even though he knew he shouldn’t, felt like watching someone walk over your own grave. The guy had looked up, confused, and Poe was forced to murmur some excuse about leaving his blaster parts lying around before leaving the room at last. He still wanders over there from time to time, and still has to force himself away.

He can’t help but wonder where she is, how she’s doing. Acer was tough, he knew that. If anyone could make it out of a First Order cell with nothing but the shirt on her back and enough wiles to command an entire base, it would be her. But hopes can’t take down a squadron of stormtroopers guarding your cell block, and they won’t get you a ship. Like it or not, Poe has to face the truth: Acer won’t be making it out, and mulling over this all the time won’t do her any good.

Poe thought he was doing a good job of keeping his feelings to himself until Finn walks up to him one night. Poe is bent over his X-Wing, methodically fiddling with the latches and panels in the hopes of getting distracted over his favorite ship. He’s always turned to the X-Wing for a diversion from his problems, and especially as of late. Leia’s been kind enough to keep offering him piloting missions, even though he’s sure there’s a list of pilots waiting for parsecs for a shot to fly their ships and take down some TIE fighters.

Poe just knows that he needs the jump in his stomach when he’s looping around in uncharted space, trying his best to keep his problems on the ground while he soars around in the air. Maybe he takes more risks than he usually does while he’s out flying, but that’s nobody’s business but his own. He’s doing good for the Resistance, and he’s not stuck in his head. Are a few scrapes and close calls really that big a price to pay?

Finn saunters over, taking in the grease on Poe’s hands and the frenetic focus surely lining his eyes. Finn leans his back up against the ship despite Poe’s protests. “I got us a mission. We leave in two days.” Poe raises an eyebrow. “Exciting. Are we patrolling again?” Finn can’t help a proud grin. “No, we’re flying into First Order airspace in an old Mandalorian Needle.” Instantly, Poe’s attention is caught. He drops the multitool in his hands into a bag, turning eagerly to Finn. “You got us a Needle? We’re going where, the Unknown Regions?”

Finn laughs at Poe’s sudden enthusiasm. “Exactly. It’s nothing too big, just a supply dropoff to some potential allies in the Kinoss system, but it’ll be a good show. It’s right near a First Order hotspot, too, so you’ll have to keep your eyes open.” His friend pauses a second, then grins. “Sure you want to take it up? Or are you too busy moping over your radio friend?” Poe glares at him. “If you keep that up I’ll drop you off and run the mission myself.” He can’t stay mad for long, though. “A Needle. Man, I’ve wanted to fly one of those for years.”

Poe still can’t believe it’s real. Sure enough, however, he finds himself sitting in the cockpit of a Mandalorian Needle in two days’ time. Poe has to sit for a second, just staring at the controls and the ship itself. Smooth metal, blue highlights, round engines, sleek shapes and a powerful engine- Poe loves his X-Wing, but he might make an exception for this ship. Finn, next to him, chuckles softly. “Are we going to leave anytime soon or do you just want to look around for a while?”

Poe hits his friend on the shoulder good-naturedly, but he begins liftoff with a grin. The ship itself is a little large for one or two pilots, but they’ve got to carry a fair amount of cargo. Finn readies the controls next to him, glancing over through the transparisteel windscreen. “Don’t get too carried away. This is a quick mission, in and out. No trouble as far as we can help it.”

This, however, turns out to be a grave miscalculation. Sure, the trip to the Kinoss system is easy enough, and they’re able to drop off the supplies without too much risk. Judging by the state of the planet, Poe is fairly sure that they’ll be able to sway the inhabitants to the side of the Resistance without too much effort. It will be good to have the manpower, and to have a potential source of information located inside First Order airspace.

It’s on the return journey, however, that things begin to get a little dicey. First, they’re spotted by a couple of TIE patrols. Just when Poe thinks they’ve managed to lose them, they get caught by another squadron. He has to pull some fancy flying, which gets the ship away from the TIE fighters but a quick hyperspace jump lands him directly in front of a massive Star Destroyer. The Needle itself does not portray any signs of being a Resistance craft, but their sudden appearance still sets off alarms inside the ship, which leads to them being caught by a tractor beam before Poe can steer them away. He has no choice but to sit there in his beautiful yet useless ship, watching the Star Destroyer loom closer and closer above them.

He turns to look at Finn. “A quick mission, in and out. No trouble. What happened to that?” Finn returns his gaze. “Hey, don’t look at me. I’m not the one who managed to end their hyperspace jump directly in front of a Star Destroyer.” Maybe it’s a sign that he really is going insane, but Poe breaks out into a laugh. “I really did, didn’t I? Right in front.” Finn snorts. “You had great timing, I’ll give you that.”

Poe allows himself a few more seconds of laughter before standing up and starting to move away from the console. “We’re both wanted by the First Order, if they find us they’ll either capture us or shoot us and save themselves the trouble. We’ve got to hide, and seeing as this is a Mandalorian vessel I have a hope that…” Poe’s voice breaks off as he taps around on the plasteel panels lining the walls, and eventually one comes loose in his hands. Poe cheers inwardly. “Here we go- secret panels. We can stay here and pretend we evacuated.”

Finn nods. “Reminds me of the time Rey and I hid from Han Solo. That time, though, we were in the Millennium Falcon and we were in the floor instead of the walls.” Poe turns to stare at his friend. “You were hiding from Han Solo in the Millennium Falcon?” Finn vaguely inclines his head, studying the panels before him. “Him and Chewbacca, yeah.” Poe’s gaze is incredulous. “When did this happen? Where was I?” Finn shrugs. “I thought you were dead. I think you were with the Resistance or something.”

Poe considers the empty hollow in the wall before him, muttering something about why couldn’t he have just stayed in that TIE fighter on Jakku for a minute longer and he could have been in the Falcon with Solo, that would have been everything before crawling into the hidden space and pulling the panel shut behind him. He can hear Finn doing the same, and the two only have to wait for a couple of minutes before the rhythmic thud of stormtrooper boots echoes through the ship. The stormtroopers search for a long time, but the hidden spaces lock from the inside and the troopers can’t pull them open. At long last, they leave the ship, and Poe unlatches the panel, stepping back into the hall.

He carefully replaces the panel, dusting off his clothes before glancing around the corner at the boarding ramp. Two guards stand side by side, each in the pressed gray uniforms of First Order officers. Poe jerks his head towards the men and Finn nods, understanding. Silently, they creep down the ramp, knocking the men out without a sound before dragging the bodies back onto the ship. About a minute later, they stroll casually from the ramp, each dressed in a gray uniform. At least now they have a somewhat passing disguise- Poe doesn’t intend to get caught.

Finn whispers over to Poe. “The tractor beams will be in a room near here, I think we can get over to them without too much trouble if we hurry.” Poe nods. “Whatever gets us out of here.” The room itself is large and spacious, and a few stormtroopers mill around the corners. They aren’t expecting to see two wanted Resistance men in stolen uniforms, and so Poe and Finn are able to get in and out without too much trouble. They have a close call on the way back where they almost come face to face with Captain Phasma, who would most certainly recognize Finn, but they manage to avoid her just in time by doubling back and taking a loop through some of the detention blocks.

They’re just a couple of halls down from the ship when Finn hesitates, staring at the placard next to a cell. Poe walks over to him, pretending that he’s just inspecting his boot to avoid suspicion. “What are you doing? We’re not supposed to be lingering by the cells.” Finn shakes his head. “I recognize this name. That’s a Resistance spy, and a really good one at that.” Poe squints at the sign. “Y/N L/N? I’ve never heard of them.” Finn straightens up, reaching for a key on the stolen uniform’s belt. “We have to get them out of here.”

Poe freezes. “What?” He hisses in a whisper. Finn glances around to make sure nobody is watching, then speaks hurriedly under his breath. “Y/N is a key Resistance officer, I see her name everywhere. I didn’t realize she was being held here, but if she is we have to get her out.” Poe checks the hallway, but no guards are coming. “Alright. Let’s do it, but hurry.” After a brief moment of activity, Finn manages to unlock the door and both men step inside, closing the door halfway behind them.

Poe’s steps falter as he takes in the contents of the cell. The walls are barren, with nothing in sight except an uncomfortable-looking plasteel bench. There’s a woman lying on the bench, a woman who lies sleeping with one arm curled under her head. She appears to be deeply asleep, and her eyelids flutter with each breath. Poe can’t help but stare- she’s one of the prettiest girls he’s ever seen. Maybe he’s alright with Finn suggesting they save her.

Poe takes a step closer, and that is where he makes his mistake. In a flurry of motion, Y/N rushes from her bench to snatch the blaster from Poe’s belt while he’s distracted, holding it out at his head. Clearly, she wasn’t asleep at all but planning an escape. Finn and Poe hold their hands up defensively. Poe is the first to speak. “We’re not First Order officers, we just stole the uniforms. We’re from the Resistance.” Y/N narrows her eyes at them. “And why should I believe you?”

Finn walks forward slowly. “We’re with General Organa. We know the code for greeting undercover officers- it’s Nighthawk, right? You can trust us.” Y/N’s gaze clears as she looks at Finn. “Wait, I know you. You’re Finn, right? You’re the renegade stormtrooper. Everyone’s talking about you over here, actually.” Finn smiles, surprised. Poe frowns. “You haven’t heard of me? Poe Dameron, ace pilot?”

Y/N raises an eyebrow, glancing over at Finn. “Does he always insert himself into conversations?” Finn chuckles. “Only sometimes.” Poe shoots him a look, but Finn just grins. Y/N considers them a moment longer, then lowers the blaster and returns it to Poe. “So, do you guys have a ship or are we just making a run for it?” Poe places his blaster back in its holster. “We have a ship, and a damn good one at that. Come one, we’ve got places to be that don’t involve Star Destroyers.”

Poe has no idea how they’re supposed to escort a high level prisoner into a ship, but surprisingly, they almost make it before someone notices them. Such is the power of a uniform and an abundance of confidence, he supposes. They’re just about to board before someone shouts over in surprise. “Hey, that prisoner shouldn’t be leaving.” This draws a lot of unwanted attention, and more than a few rounds of blaster fire. Poe, Finn, and Y/N are forced to run for the ship, Poe and Finn returning fire while Y/N steals a blaster from a downed trooper.

They make it onto the ship by the skin of their teeth, Poe racing to the cockpit to draw up the ramp before they launch hurriedly into space. Luckily, they were able to remove the tractor beam in time, and the Needle is fast enough to outrun the few straggling TIE fighters that still try to fly their way. Poe doesn’t feel his heartbeat start to settle until he begins the jump into hyperspace, and the lights of the stars blend into streaks around them. Only then does he look back at Finn, and at the newly arrived prisoner sitting in a chair behind him.

Y/N is methodically bandaging up a few wounds on her arms, evidently from her time in the cells. She looks up when she feels Poe’s gaze lingering on her. “What? Detention cells aren’t all fun games and fast ships, you know.” Poe forces a sarcastic grin, but for some reason, he can’t quite follow through with his usual retort. There’s something about this girl that feels familiar, although he has no idea why. He doesn’t know her, certainly, has never met her before, yet something tells Poe that he is a lot closer to Y/N L/N than he would ever guess.

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