#I did a lot of tweaking since then but the general character remains the same

[agnerd-bot]

Fate Fanservant: Judas Iscariot, The Traitorous Disciple(Avenger)

Ascension Stages:

First Stage: Judas is clad in tattered clothes, an a large red scar is cut across her stomach, in the shape of a demonic toothy maw. A mask covers her mouth, and her hair is blood-red with white streaks. She is hunched over, with a hangman’s noose around her neck, and a string of silver coins wrapped around her hand.

Second Stage: Judas’s robes have become even more torn and ratted, and the markings on her stomach have shifted and morphed, revealing a massive, demonic mouth lined with rows of teeth and dripping blood.

Final Stage: Judas is now clad in more kept-together cloth, covering the mouth on her stomach. The pieces of silver hang around her neck, and she stands up much straighter. She has a small smile on her face.

Theme:

SCORN RAP by JT Music - "Sick of Myself"

Hell's Comin' with Me

Traits:

Class: Avenger Alternate Class: Assassin, Caster, Ruler, Alter Ego, Beast True Name: Judas Iscariot Source: The Bible Region: Israel Alignment: Lawful Evil Attribute: Star

Known as: Yehûdâh Ish-Kerayot, The Traitor, The Liar, The Woman from Kerioth, The Thirteenth Disciple, The Woman of Pollution, the Thirteenth Seat

Voice Actress: Asakawa Yuu

Deck: QAAAB

Parameters: Strength: C- Endurance: A+++ Agility: B Mana: A+ Luck: E- NP: EX

Passive Skills:

Magic Resistance EX:

As one of the original Thirteen Disciples, Judas Iscariot’s Magic Resistance is at the highest rank, on par with that of Saints. It is nigh-impossible for Magecraft to seriously affect Judas, even those from the Age of Gods.

Even for a fallen prophet, the psalms song still ring true in her heart of hearts:

“Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me.”

(FGO Effect:)-Increases own Debuff Resistance by 25%.

Avenger A+:

Judas Iscariot is defined by hatred and resentment. In the New Testament, the Thirteenth Disciple was known as a callous misanthrope, always willing to accuse others of heresy and wickedness, even when the prophet from Kerioth performed the same sinful acts she shunned others for. So great was her hatred that it is said that the Devil was able to enter her heart, influencing her to betray the person she believed in more than anything.

In return, upon her treacherous actions and death, Judas Iscariot became one of the most despised figures within the biblical canon, seen by many as the incarnation of betrayal itself. Those who wrote of the Twelve Disciples have all remembered Judas as the Traitor, the Betrayer, and the Sinful One. The very name of Judas Iscariot has become synonymous with evil and treachery.

Hatred of others and hatred unto oneself. Perhaps more than any other Servant, Judas Iscariot embodies the defining attribute of the Avenger Class.

(FGO Effect:)-Increases own NP generation rate when taking damage by 22%.-Reduces party's (including sub members) debuff resistance by 12% except themselves. [Demerit]

Oblivion Correction C:

As a penitent, Judas Iscariot cannot and will not forget the reason for her self-inflicted damnation. The betrayal of the one man who showed her such unconditional love. The kiss that betrayed Him to his enemies. The failure to redeem herself of her sins. Her hatred will never subside, even in death. Where so many found their salvation from their sins, she alone remained behind, unwilling to accept her Teacher's hand. She has chosen the path of her own Hell, alone, painful, and cold. And yet, it is one she will never waver from.

"O Lord... May you never forgive me for my sins... And may I never forgive myself for my treachery..."

(FGO Effect:)-Increases own critical damage by 6%.

Self-Replenishment(Magic) A:

As a Servant of God and embodiment of the Gates of Hell, Judas Iscariot's magical power is near-limitless. Her rage is unyielding, pushing her through even the most horrific types of pain without even flinching. It doesn't matter how badly or how many times her body is broken. It doesn't matter what kind of opponent she stands against. The answer is always the same: an unyielding march forward, until all who stand in her path are left to face the consequences of their actions.

It is the memory of her treachery that drives her, the fuels her every waking moment. Her sins call out to her each and every day, haunting her, screaming at her. Blood must be repaid with blood. Pain must be repaid with pain. Grief must be met with grief.

So long as the hatred pulses through her veins, the lashing, the torment, the sorrow, it will all drive her forward.

(FGO Effect:)-Charges own NP gauge by 4% every turn.

Pieces of Silver EX:

According to scripture, the price Judas Iscariot received for selling out Jesus of Nazareth to the chief priests was thirty pieces of silver. Upon realizing what she had done by betraying her teacher and friend, she attempted to return the pieces of silver to save him, only to be coldly rebuffed, with the priests scolding her for daring to bring blood money to the temple. Ultimately, these very same silver coins were used to pay for Akeldama, the Field of Blood where she hung herself in despair over her greatest sins.

Even in death, these damned coins follow Judas, strung around her neck as a reminder of her gravest sin. Each coin holds incredible amounts of magical power, and they can be offered up in order to boost Judas's own power, at the cost of the demon within gaining more influence over her. If she offers all thirty at once, she can activate her personal Noble Phantasm, Akeldama, the very same field that she bought with these thirty pieces of silver.

"I hear them... Always. Their clattering reminds me of what I've done... And why I can never accept forgiveness..."

(FGO Effect:)  -Whenever Judas Iscariot attacks, apply 'Pieces of Silver' buff to self, one time per turn(Can stack with other 'Pieces of Silver' buffs). 'Pieces of Silver' Buff: -Gain crit stars equal to half the amount of ‘Pieces of Silver’ buffs -At 30 Pieces of Silver, fill NP Gauge to 300%, and boost NP Damage by 30%. -After NP is used, clear all 'Pieces of Silver' buffs[Demerit].

Active Skills:

Damned for All Time B:

For her role in the death of the Messiah, for her treachery and sin, Judas Iscariot is believed by many to have been subject to eternal damnation, cast within the deepest pits of Hell for eternal torment. Judas herself believes very much the same. Believing herself to be irredeemable, she willingly accepts any and all punishment given to her without complaint, fully awaiting her return to Hell.

However, thanks to the blessings imparted as a Disciple of Jesus, the Thirteenth Disciple recovers quickly from any and all enemy attacks, shrugging off grievous injuries such as limbs being removed, bones being broken, and even her heart being crushed. As a result, her body goes through a constant vicious cycle of being reborn, put back together, and being destroyed once more.

Judas herself claims that this is further proof of how God despises her, refusing to let her die to punish her for her wickedness and faults. A sign that she can never be redeemed or forgiven, and will suffer until the end of time for her evil actions.

And yet... Can this really be the truth?

(FGO Effect:) -500% Chance to draw attention of all enemies to self by 300% for three turns. -Recover 1500 HP at the end of each turn for three turns.

Protection of the Faith EX:

While infamous as 'The Traitorous Disciple', Judas Iscariot has among the highest levels of Protection of the Faith. Unlike many prophets, zealots, saints, and kings who praised their gods from a distance, Judas walked alongside her Messiah day to day. From the day she was cured of her own illnesses, she walked with him, broke bread with him, and preached alongside him. She knew of his dreams and aspirations, as well as his faults and imperfections. She loved and was loved in equal measure.

Even now, in her state of agony and pain, her thoughts are always centered around the man she called Teacher and Friend. While Judas Iscariot does not believe that she can ever be forgiven for her sins, nor does she believe she will ever reach the Heaven that was promised to her all those years ago, she still holds faith in the power and goodness of the King of Men. As a Servant, Judas uses the holy knowledge she was imparted, even when she proclaims herself a vile sinner, all because of the faith she keeps.

More than any Disciple, more than any follower, more than any person who ever lived, Judas Iscariot believed in her Messiah.

(FGO Effect:) -Increases own debuff resistance for three turns. -Recovers own HP. -Increases own defense for one turn. -Increases own attack for three turns. -Apply Guts to self, two times, five turns.

Kiss of Judas A:

It is said that the thirteenth disciple betrayed her Master with a single kiss upon His cheek, signaling to the crowd that came to arrest Him. It is this single act that damned Judas Iscariot for all eternity, fully cementing her as the traitor to God and setting in motion the events of the Crucifixion as well as Judas's own death by hanging.

This moment manifests as a powerful ability, allowing Judas to gain every last fragment of knowledge of an enemy once she kisses them, seeing everything they've done, everything they've seen, and everything they will be. In a Holy Grail War, this ability is especially powerful, granting Judas knowledge to be used against enemy Servants. If used against a divine figure such as a god or demigod, this ability is even more powerful, cursing anything divine and holy with her very existence.

"Judas, are you betraying the Son of Man with a kiss?"

(FGO Effect:) -Lower one enemy's defense for three turns. -Decrease one enemy's charge. -Increase own NP Gauge by 30%. -500% Chance to draw attention of all allies to one enemy by 300% for three turns[Demerit]. -If used against a ‘Heaven’ Enemy: --Remove all Buffs(activates first). --Decrease one enemy's charge. --Increase own NP Gauge by 30%. --Inflict Curse on an enemy for five turns. --Inflict Evil Curse on an enemy for five turns. --Increase damage against 'Divine' enemies for all allies(five turns).

Noble Phantasms:

Noble Phantasm: Judas Iscariot - It Would Have Been Better If I Was Never Born

Rank: A+ Maximum Targets: 1 Range: 10m Classification: Anti-Unit(Self)

The very noose the twelfth Disciple hung herself with on that fateful day. This symbol of her eternal shame manifests as a snapped noose tied around her neck. This rope is taut as ever, but even though its rope seems severed, it can extend to impossible lengths to reach whatever target she aims for. Judas can use this noose as a grapple, allowing her to clear vast distances in a single leap or to grab onto a fleeing opponent. However, its most dangerous feature lies in a hidden property of the rope.

If she wraps the rope around an enemy, it forms a knot around the opponent’s limb, and their lives become ‘bound’ in a sense to Judas. Any damage that her opponent strikes her with is mirrored upon her foe, and vice versa. Even if one tries to cut this rope, the strikes will merely be reflected back onto both Yehûdâh and her opponent. Combined with Judas’s Protection of God skill, the battle becomes one of endurance that the victim is likely not to live through. The only way to possibly escape this deadly Noble Phantasm is to cut off one’s own limb that is attached to the rope, or inflict a wound that one can survive but their enemy cannot.

Noble Phantasm: Gateway to the Inferno - Abandon All Hope, Ye Who Enter Here

Rank: A++ Maximum Targets: ??? Range: 2000m Classification: Anti-World

A powerful Noble Phantasm that manifests as the wound Judas incurred upon her failed hanging. A jagged scar is displayed prominently on Judas's stomach, sharpened into a wicked grin. In reality, Judas Iscariot’s stomach functions as a passageway into Hell itself, and by activating it, the scar morphs into a monstrous maw of a creature, who drags victims into its jaws with its tongue. 

Alongside the innate threat of the Beast's maw, this Noble Phantasm also serves as a pseudo-Marble Phantasm. Due to the mouth on her stomach serving as a gateway to Hell itself, Judas can impose parts of Hell onto the world, creating rivers of boiling blood and towers of fire and bone. With a mere thought, she can change her body's attributes and access a different section of Hell to match the sins of her adversary.

Limbo: Reserved for the unbaptized, the lustful, the greedy, and the gluttonous, that which is known as Limbo is nothing but pure darkness that encompasses an area. A monstrous wind blows strongly in the darkness, and unseen monsters can be heard snarling and growling in the shadows.

Styx: Reserved for the wrathful, the putrid waters of the River Styx flow from the monster's jaws. The waves choke the victims on their own rage, dragging them further into its depths as the damned souls of the wrathful reach out to pull those above them down with them into eternal torment.

Dis: Reserved for the heretical and the violent is the City of Dis. Massive, red-hot spires pierce the earth, forming gnarled and wicked trees made of iron. A boiling river of blood courses through this forest, incinerating those who step too close. Some say this is where the Harpies make their home, clawing and scratching at those foolish enough to enter the forests of Dis.

Malbolge: Reserved for the fraudulent and liars, the Malboge manifests as several pools filled with flaming tar. Those who are caught within the pits of the Malboge are engulfed with flames that will never extinguish. Even those who escape from the pits of the Malboge leave twisted and deformed, inside and out, before they are inevitably dragged back into the depths.

Cocytus: Reserved for the treacherous is the frozen well of Cocytus, the ninth and most fearsome Circle of Hell and the resting place of Judas Iscariot. When invoked, a white mist slowly flows from the devil's maw, and the surrounding area slowly crawls to a temperature beneath absolute zero. Those who are caught within the mist find that their bodies rapidly begin to freeze over, locked in eternal suffering and agony. For some, if they are caught in Cocytus's chill, they will eventually be shattered into dust, with not even their souls remaining. This is the final circle, where even the Devil weeps and mourns in eternal torment, never to be freed.

Whatever punishment the demon's maw wishes to mete out, whatever evil stands before the Thirteenth Disciple, the message is always the same.

Abandon all hope, ye who enter here.

Noble Phantasm: Akeldama - The Field of Blood

Rank: EX Maximum Targets: 1 Range: 18m Classification: Anti-Evil

In the Bible, it is said that after Jesus’s death, Yehûdâh Ish-Kerayot, in a mix of remorse for her betrayal and fear that after Jesus rose, he would take his vengeance upon her, she bought a field with the thirty pieces of silver and tied a noose around her neck, aiming to hang herself. Unexpectedly, the rope snapped underneath her weight, and her stomach tore open on a sharp rock, spilling her innards and blood throughout the field, leaving the traitor to die in agony. And so, the field was known from that point on as Akeldama, the Field of Blood.

This very same Field manifests as Judas’s Reality Marble, a graveyard with a single massive tree hanging up in the middle, towering over all. Nooses hang all around the tree’s branches, swaying in nonexistent wind. A noose drops down, wrapping around the victim's neck. As the foe writhes in agony, they slip and fall, snapping their neck before the branch their noose is tied around snaps, sending their body plummeting into an open grave.

Due to Yehûdâh’s infamy as a traitor amongst traitors, this Noble Phantasm can be positively deadly in the right situations. The area of effect covers a wide range, allowing Judas to entrap multiple targets simultaneously and subject them to their judgement.

Akeldama has a unique property that few other Noble Phantasms share. The resultant damage dealt is different upon each person it is used upon. The Field of Blood harms foes not through the physical realm, but the spiritual, inflicting wounds on opponents based on the lives they have lived. If one has lived a virtuous and relatively clean life, such as Jeanne d’Arc or Xuanzang Sanzang, the Field will only feel like slight pinpricks across the body. But if one has lived a life filled with slaughter, debauchery, and evil like Nobunaga Oda or Nero Claudius? Akeldama will show no mercy to its victim, inflicting the same pain that the sinner has inflicted upon others tenfold.

All Servants, no matter their defenses or Authority, are equal beneath Akeldama’s judgement. No one, god, devil, or man is without sin, and so everyone can and will be judged within the Field of Blood.

(FGO Effect:) -Deals heavy damage to all enemies. -Do increased damage toBeast, Saver, Star, and Demonic Servants. -Do reduced damage against 'Saint' enemies[Demerit]. -Apply Curse to all enemies. -Apply Disastrous Curse to all enemies. -Inflicts Penitent status on all enemies for one turn(effect increases with overcharge). -Apply Penitent status to self for one turn[Demerit]. -Penitent: Grants these effects: --Decrease Noble Phantasm Gauge each turn. --Increase damage taken each turn. --Decrease damage dealt each turn. --Apply Active Skill Seal one time for one turn. --Apply Passive Skill Seal for one turn.

Voice Lines:

Summoned: You… wanted to summon me? I… no, despite my summons, my penitence remains the same. I am Yehûdâh Ish-Kerayot of the Avenger Class. You may know me better as Judas Iscariot. I know not why you have called upon me for aid... But if this is what my penance decrees, then I shall be your monster.

Level Up 1: …why?

Level Up 2: I see you felt I was lacking. Understood, I’ll try not to be as much of a disappointment.

1st Ascension: Ghhh...! S-so... now you see me for what I truly am... A monster. My own transgressions turned me into this creature... A beast borne of sin and evil. Hahahahaha. What a fool you are. Do you understand now? You have opened the gates of Hell... and nothing you do can ever seal them. 

2nd Ascension: I see the way you look at me. I'm horrifying, aren't I? But I don't need your pity. This is simply what I deserve for my wickedness. Through suffering, I grow stronger. Through agony, I grow more resolute. The pain from each battle drives me to move forward, and by my soul, I swear I will not fail you.

3rd Ascension: …what is this? Why... Why do I not feel the pain anymore? Why am I dressed like... like I was back then? I don't understand... Is this meant to mock me? To remind me what I cast away? Or... maybe it means I can... ...no. Never mind me. This is just the rambling of a fool.

4th Ascension: *sigh* ...you truly are a pain, Chaldean. I will never understand people like you, who extend your hands to sinners like myself. You do know who I am, correct? I am the Thirteenth Seat at the table, the Traitorous Disciple. I sold the person that showed me nothing but kindness for thirty worthless pieces of silver, killing a man loved by all for nothing but spite and greed. And yet... here we are. I will never understand someone like you... But I suppose it doesn't matter if I do. I renew the vow I made before: I am Judas Iscariot, and for the sake of Humanity's survival, I will be your monster.

Fight Start 1: Some say that it is through pain that we learn the greatest lessons. Allow me to make you very wise.

Fight Start 2: Repent, ye sinners… Your judgement has arrived.

Fight Start 3: Have you come to join me in penitence?

Skill 1: *clinking of coins*

Skill 2: O Lord, this unholy pilgrim invokes thy name…

Skill 3: If that is what you wish.

Command Card Select 1: Thy kingdom come.

Command Card Select 2: Thy will be done.

Command Card Select 3: On Earth as it is in Heaven.

Noble Phantasm Select 1: O, Lord… Turn your head as I do what must be done.

Noble Phantasm Select 2: You hear them, don’t you…? They’re asking you to join them.

Attack 1: Repent. Or perish.

Attack 2: Hmph. Trying to run?

Attack 3: Your judgement has been passed. Guilty.

Attack 4: There you are. Your time has come.

Attack 5: There is no true escape from your sins.

Attack 6: Scared? I would be too.

Attack 7: You cannot escape your final judgement.

Extra Attack 1: Go. To. Hell.

Extra Attack 2: AMEN!

Noble Phantasm 1:

I am The One Who Sold the World…

There is none whose sin is greater than I…

Now… the time has come for judgement!

Suffer as I have suffered! Come forth, Akeldama!

Noble Phantasm 2:

Can you hear them? The people you have hurt…?

You can’t turn away from your transgressions.

You can’t ignore your sins.

They’re calling you… asking you to join them in this pain…

Now… embrace them.

Noble Phantasm 3:

I am the Heroic Spirit of God’s Vengeance.

While I have long abandoned the right to act on God's will…

Tonight, I will happily reclaim it.

AKELDAMA!

Damage from Noble Phantasm: This pain… is nothing…!

Regular Damage: Nnn.

Defeated 1: N-ngh… I guess this is what a traitor like me deserves.

Defeated 2: *sigh* I should have known this was going to happen.

Defeated 3: So… back to Cocytus, is it…?

Victory 1: Thus. Ends. The lesson.

Victory 2: Be you Man or God, Devil or Angel… You answer to me.

Victory 3: It’s not enough… Never enough.

Bond Level 1: You wish to talk? With me of all people? You truly are a fool... It would be better for your time to speak with someone worthy of your kindness. I am nothing more than a bitter misanthrope waiting for a forgiveness that I don't deserve.

Bond Level 2: *sigh* I appreciate your kindness, I truly do. But all the same, I think you have the wrong image of me. You seem convinced that I am some wayward soul who holds some good in their heart. That I can be 'fixed' with genuine words of friendship. Allow me to make things clear between us, then, as friends often do. I hate humanity. With all my heart. With all my being. I despise the human race. And in turn, humanity despises me. Is that understood?

Bond Level 3: Heh. Back for more? I can’t help but respect that. … When I was young, I was born sick and blinded. They called me cursed by God, punished for my sinfulness. Only one man chose to approach me back then. They called Him the Messiah, God Incarnate, the Savior of the Jews. ...I was just happy to call Him my friend.

Bond Level 4: You have no idea how happy I was to know that the first people to lay eyes on me were so kind, so understanding… But I could never understand what people like them thought. How could He look at this world and think it deserved redemption? How could He see the ugliness of the people around Him and think they deserved to be saved? I'll be honest… I still don't understand, not even now. But it's not my place to understand Him, is it? I simply need to have faith.

Bond Level 5: …it's funny, isn't it? Despite every reason I have to hate humanity... I'm fighting for them. Not because of any obligation to Proper Human History. Not because it's my job as a Heroic Spirit. Not even because I believe it deserves to live. The only reason I'm bothering to fight for this wretched thing called humanity… Is because I know He would want me to.

Dialogue 1: You called upon me to help save Humanity. I answered, and will hunt down all who seek to do mankind harm. That is the extent of our relationship.

Dialogue 2: Whether you be a person of faith or a person of secular manner does not matter to me. I will protect you all the same, as He would.

Dialogue 3(Clear Lostbelt 1): Your sins weigh heavy on you, don’t they? The bodies that you’ve amassed, the lives you can never bring back? Good. That penitence means you haven’t lost your humanity.

Dialogue 4(Unlocked at Bond Level 5): “Does it hurt?” That’s a foolish question. Of course it hurts. Every day, every moment, my life is defined by pain and anguish. …but I simply choose to endure. Because what does my pain matter with the knowledge that I hurt the ones I love a thousandfold?

Dialogue 5 (If you have Martha): So, Martha is here as well… She was one of the kindest of the disciples, always concerning herself with our well-being, keeping the peace among ourselves. Even now, I suppose she’d scold me for not taking care of myself. …but I won’t let her burden herself with my problems.

Dialogue 6 (If you have Martha(Unlocked at Bond Level 5)): Martha… I… Why do you bother with someone like me? Me, the traitor who killed the Savior? Me, the sinner who is bound to damnation? Why…? Why won’t you let me rot in Hell?! I… I don’t understand you.

Dialogue 7 (If you have Martha(Summer)): Martha…?! W-what are you wearing?! I-I should go… I’m sorry, but-ACK! W-wait, don’t put me in a headlock-! Damnit all, why do you always have to be such a bullheaded punk?! … *sighs* Hehehe. Never change, Martha.

Dialogue 8 (If you have Martha(Santa)): …who did this to you? Tell me, Martha, so I may introduce myself. Eh? No, no I’m not angry. Why would I be angry? I’m… perfectly… calm…!

Dialogue 9 (If you have Yù Tù): YOU-?! How…? How the Hell did you escape? …tch. Seems like the Chaldeans have you under control for now. But I swear, if you try and pull another one of your ‘games’ again, I will make your last fate seem like a mercy.

Dialogue 10 (If you have Hernán Cortés): Cortés… You haven’t changed a bit since then, have you? No, I suppose you have. Judging from the look in your eyes… You know your place.

Dialogue 11 (If you have the Harpy Sisters): The trio of torturers… They were in the last Holy Grail War I had entered. Celaeno in particular and I had a contract with each other. …hm? Friendship? No, it wasn’t like that. We simply had a desire to see the same person die.

Dialogue 12 (If you have Awilix): The Goddess of the Moon… I didn’t interact with her much before, but even back then, her power was terrifying. Now? It feels like she’s on an entirely different level than before. What happened?

Dialogue 13 (If you have Baron Samedi): The good Baron. It’s been a while, hasn’t it? Hm? No… No, I don’t think I’m in the mood for drinking now. Perhaps another day.

Dialogue 14 (If you have The Golem of Prague): Tch… So the Guardian of the Lowi Family is here as well… I’d suggest keeping an eye on that one. That monster… Even if they claim to care for you, they won’t be satisfied until they’ve controlled every aspect of your life. Don’t give them an inch.

Dialogue 15 (If you have any other Fate/Undead Crusader Servants): That rowdy bunch from the battles in Jerusalem is here as well… How annoying. If nothing else, I suppose I’m grateful that we don’t have to fight this time around.

Dialogue 16 (If you have Jochebed/Samael): …thank you. Genuinely.

Dialogue 17 (If you have any Angel Servants): So the envoys of Heaven are here as well? I suppose I’d better make myself scarce then. Nothing good can come of one such as myself being in the same space of angels.

Dialogue 18 (If you have Nero or Sodom’s Beast): You… I’ve heard tales of the mad Roman Empress before, but I never thought I’d meet you in the flesh. I may be a lowly traitor, but I still hold the faith. If it wasn’t for the Master, I would not have hesitated to pay you back a thousandfold.

Dialogue 19 (If you have Mordred or Mordred Alter): The Knight of Treachery, is it? Heh, to think the Chaldean would take in not one, but two traitors… I’m glad you’ve found your true family, Sir Mordred. Treasure them.

Dialogue 20 (If you have any ‘Blessed Conqueror’ Servants): Such arrogance… Such pride… You truly think yourself an agent of His will, don’t you? That your life’s work has all been in His service? Allow me to correct you on that… All the suffering? All the war! All the pain you’ve meted out in His name? Your life’s work… makes Him puke.

Dialogue 21 (If you have Lancelot): Heed my words, sir knight… please… find it in your heart to forgive yourself. My soul is damned for all eternity, and it is a burden I will accept. But you? You deserve your happiness. Take it.

Dialogue 22 (If you have Medusa): Such a terrible fate… forced to live blind and alone, hiding such a beautiful face from the world. The Greek ‘gods’ are such cruel and vile beings.

Dialogue 23 (If you have Hassan of the Serenity): Death by a kiss? How fitting that the two of us should cross paths, Assassin. Though which is worse? A kiss of poison? Or a kiss of betrayal?

Dialogue 24 (If you have David): I… It is an honor to make your acquaintance, King of Israel. An honor I do not deserve. I betrayed your descendant, led him to his execution. So why… Why are you so openly kind to me?

Likes: I’ve long forsaken any chance to be happy.

Likes(Unlocked at Bond Level 5): Interests? You wish to ask about the hobbies of such a loathsome creature like me? Well… I guess I’d have to say fishing. I was never as skilled as Peter or his brother, but just being out on the sea, watching the waves go by… it reminds me of better times.

Dislikes: Do I even need to say it?

About the Holy Grail: …pfft. *visibly holding back laughter*

During an Event: A festival? No, I shouldn’t be there. I’d just bring down the mood. I-hey, quit pulling!

Birthday: It’s your birthday. Hmph. What does it matter to me? I told you already, our relationship is merely that between coworkers. Go enjoy yourself with your friends.

Profile:

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Back when the Son of God walked the earth, He took on twelve Apostles. Among the Twelve, perhaps none are more known the world over as Simon Peter, His right hand, and Yehûdâh Ish-Kerayot, known nowadays as Judas Iscariot, the Betrayer. A selfish misanthrope to her very core, Judas was nonetheless one of the Original Twelve chosen to preach the Word of God to the masses. Her motivations and history with her Master have largely been lost to time, save for one moment.

She is the one who betrayed Jesus Christ to the Sanhedrin for a mere thirty pieces of silver, leading to her Master's execution upon a cross To this end, she led the officers of the law into the Garden of Gethsemane where her Master lay praying, identifying Him with a kiss on the cheek. Since then, the name ‘Judas’ has been synonymous with the word ‘traitor’, and Judas herself has been marked as damned by God, a soul who will forever rot in the coldest depths of Hell, furthest away from Heaven.

"Son of God… Son of Man…! Take pity on me! Save me…!"

… 

"Please… someone save me…”

Bond Level 1:

Height/Weight: 166cm • 51.3kg

Source: Historical Fact, New Testament

Region: Israel

Alignment: Lawful • Evil Gender: Female

Judas is a servant of a constant dour mood, rarely if ever allowing herself to feel any happiness. She constantly puts herself down, even when attaining the greatest victories, believing that, after her betrayal, she does not deserve praise or adulation. It’s for this very reason she keeps the noose she hung herself with around her neck, and carries around the thirty pieces of silver that she betrayed her Master for.

The sound follows her with every step. An echo that rings to her very soul, reminding her of her sins, of her greatest mistake. A song of mourning that will never end.

CLINK... CLINK... CLINK...

Bond Level 2:

For years, Judas followed her Rabbi as He preached to the masses, witnessing as He saved many like her through the power of his miracles. Though He was God made manifest, He chose the life of a mere man, taking solace in the little things. Many a night, when the stars were out, Judas found herself nestled in the comforting presence of her fellow Disciples and her Rabbi, happiness found in her heart.

However, life was not perfect as a Disciple. Nothing ever truly is. For many nights, they found themselves having to go to bed hungry, having to resort to sleeping in the harsh streets. This ended up being the source of many an argument between Judas and her Rabbi. As a former beggar, Yehûdâh tried to convince her master to let them keep any of the monetary offerings that they received for their miracles, while her teacher refused to allow any of his disciples to receive payment for what they did.

It was after one of these very same arguments that Yehûdâh made her most grievous mistake. In a fit of passion and temptation, she chose to sell out the very man who saved her life, in exchange for a handsome sum of money. That evening, whilst Jesus lay in the Garden of Gethsemane, Yehûdâh made her move. Whilst the chief priests and their guards waited within the forest, the traitorous disciple made her way to her Rabbi, and planted a gentle kiss upon his cheek. The signal had been given. But her teacher’s next words would haunt her until the day she died.

“Judas, are you betraying the Son of Man with a kiss?”

Bond Level 3:

While still haunted over her teacher’s words to her before he was taken away, a new revelation had come to Yehûdâh later that week. Jesus was not going to merely be tortured at the hands of the Romans. He was to be put to death, executed via crucifixion.

Overcome with grief and horror at the realization of her mistake, Judas ran back to the temple where the high priests lay in wait. She desperately tried to bargain for her master’s life, offering the same thirty pieces of silver she received from them days before. But there was nothing to be done. Jesus had already been taken away to face his execution. Even if he wasn’t, the Sanhedren refused Judas's money on account that it was ‘blood money’, money that was now forever tainted with sin.

Fearing for her life’s end at the hands of her fellow disciples and utterly distraught at the knowledge that she had knowingly sentenced her beloved Rabbi to death, Judas made her decision. Buying the area known as the Potter’s Field, the traitor Apostle chose to end her own life, tying a noose around a tree and hanging herself.

And in that moment... Judas Iscariot's fate was sealed.

Bond Level 4:

A scar runs over Judas Iscariot's stomach. A jagged, red line on her torso, symbolizing not one, but two wounds.

The first was the scar from her death at the Potter's Field. It is said that upon the death of the Messiah, Judas Iscariot hung herself by a noose, only for her hanging to fail as the rope snapped beneath her weight. Her body hit the sharpened rocks below, before splitting in two along the stones. Her death was slow and painful, and she died that day alone and afraid.

The second comes from her eternal torment within the deepest pits of Hell itself. Bound to the icy pits of Cocytus for all eternity, her fate is to be eaten alive by the Devil, constantly bitten and crushed beneath the fallen angel's teeth until the time comes when even Hell will be no more. An eternal reminder of her sins and her treachery.

For many who see this scar, it is a symbol of suffering and pain. A horror to shy away from and flee. To Judas, it is merely a reminder. A reminder of the life of sin and the mistakes she has made throughout her life. Some claim that she can be seen tracing her finger along the scars. Musing. Wondering. Mourning.

Bond Level 5:

In many Christian works such as Dante’s Divine Comedy, Judas Iscariot's final fate is to be damned to Hell for all eternity, her body being ripped apart by Satan alongside Brutus and Cassius as penance for her betrayal. But perhaps this isn’t the case. What if the true torture comes not from without, but from within? After her betrayal, the Traitor Saint sees herself as unworthy, putting herself through agony and pain without complaint in a feeble attempt at reconciliation.

But despite how much she thinks herself irredeemable, Judas was and still is a chosen Apostle of Jesus. Like the rest of her brothers and sisters, she wandered the lands, choosing to help the needy, curing ailments and preaching the word of God. She genuinely loved the Rabbi, following him to the ends of the earth and hanging onto his every word. Signs of that same Judas still live on as a Servant, dutifully helping her Master in any way she feasibly can, no matter how much doubt she has within herself.

Perhaps even for the most wicked of sinners, a spark of goodness can be found deep within. All it takes is the right person to reveal it.

Extra (Clear Interlude “Reunion of Apostles”):

“Yehûdâh…?”

“Yes, my Lord?”

“Come now. I thought I told you to refer to me by my real name.”

“Right… Apologies, Rabbi Yeshua.”

“I have something to tell you. It concerns the both of us. Together.”

“M-my Lo-I mean… Yeshua?”

“Our lives are connected, Yehûdâh. Our fates are destined to be forever intertwined with one another, in life and in death. My Father has told me this in his messages to me, and I felt you needed to know this.”

“What are you saying?”

“Yehûdâh… Yehûdâh, I want you to promise me one thing above all else.”

“Anything for you, Yeshua.”

“Promise me… promise me that when the time comes, you won’t lose sight of who you are. Promise me that your faith, in me, in the world, and above all yourself, will remain true.”

“I promise.”

Spiritron Dress:

Avenger of Jerusalem: Judas Iscariot is clad in a leather jacket that goes down to the small of her back and a pair of jean shorts. The noose around her neck has vanished, revealing a set of scars around her neck where the noose once was.

Theme:

Judas Priest - Hell Bent for Leather (Official Audio)

Description:

A punkish outfit from a Grail War only a few know of. A gift bought my Avenger’s previous contractor, as a means of helping her blend in more within society. While more often than not, Judas Iscariot is a bitter, angry woman, she finds herself far more amenable in this state, even if only a little. She lets her barriers down, allowing herself to smile more often and relax her rage. Perhaps it is because even now, the voice of her Master pushes her onwards, encouraging her.

“Avenger… Selfishness is not a sin. To have your own desires. To want to take things for yourself. To want to achieve your own happiness! That is not evil! That is simply what makes us human!”

Voice Lines:

Unlock Spiritron Dress 'Avenger of Jerusalem': …hah. Well what do you know...? To think I'd wear this outfit again. A dear friend of mine took me shopping once, he told me it'd help me 'blend in'. I didn't really care to argue with him, so I just threw on what I felt suited me. It's... nice, getting to be able to dress like this again.. That being said, I can't help but wonder how he's doing now, without me? Did he ever find that peace of mind he so wanted? ...huh? 'I'm smiling for once'? ...I suppose I am, aren't I?

Level Up 1: I suppose I should thank you for this.

Level Up 2: How very… rock ‘n roll.

Fight Start 1: Alright then… Let’s rock.

Fight Start 2: Sorry that I have to get in your way.

Fight Start 3: The time for judgement’s here.

Skill 1: I would start praying. A lot.

Skill 2: You’ll get no mercy from me.

Skill 3: Hmph. Guess we’re doing this now.

Command Card Select 1: If you think this is best.

Command Card Select 2: No choice, huh?

Command Card Select 3: *cracks knuckles* As Martha always said…

Noble Phantasm Select 1: This place is no longer a House of God. Now… it’s merely a tomb.

Noble Phantasm Select 2: I am no redeemer of souls… I am merely the angel of retribution.

Attack 1: Hah!

Attack 2: Sei!

Attack 3: C’MERE!

Attack 4: GET OVER HERE!

Attack 5: Stop. Running.

Attack 6: Hragh!

Attack 7: You’ll get no pity from me!

Extra Attack 1: Guilty.

Extra Attack 2: You’re mine!

Damage from Noble Phantasm: Damnit…!

Regular Damage: Hands off the jacket.

Defeated 1: Not… the jacket…!

Defeated 2: Ngh… Sorry…

Defeated 3: I can still…!

Victory 1: Well then. Are we done here?

Victory 2: I want to let you know I took no pleasure in this. …well maybe a little.

Victory 3: Understand now? This is why I didn’t want to fight.

Dialogue 1: Hmm~ Hmm~ Hmm~

Dialogue 2: Impressed? My Master has quite the taste in clothing, if I must say. Perhaps you might like trying this for a change.

Dialogue 3: Apparently a band has chosen to take upon my name. ‘Judas Priest’ as it were… Call it vanity, but… I quite like the idea of having a band named after myself.

Dialogue 4: You remind me of him, you know that? Not in appearance, nor mannerisms, but how you choose to live your life. You make your own path, independent of what others say you can or should do, but what you believe is right. That’s a good way to live, Chaldean. Never forget that.

Dialogue 5 (If you have Martha): *sigh* I still don’t understand you, or how you can still show kindness to me after all I’ve done… but thank you. It’s… it’s nice, knowing that I can still be loved after all this time.

Dialogue 6 (If you have Martha(Summer)): I have to admit… that look suits you Martha. Those gauntlets that can crush a man’s skull in a single blow. That jacket that screams ‘omen of death’. That piercing gaze. Yes it suits you quite well-ow! Hah! Hey, quit it! Can’t you take a joke?!

Dialogue 7 (If you have Yù Tù): I recommend keeping an eye on that one… The Lunar Rabbit is cruel, duplicitous, and will do anything to get her way. She trapped an entire city in an endless loop for her own amusement. I shudder to think what she can do now that she seems to have become stronger.

Dialogue 8 (If you have Furbaide Ferbend): Oh it’s you. I suppose you’re wanting a rematch for the last time we met, aren’t you? I hope you have more than cheese to throw at me this time.

Dialogue 9 (If you have Baron Samedi): If it isn’t the good Baron himself. Hm? A drink? …I suppose it wouldn’t be too bad. Why are you smiling at me? I don’t plan on making this a habit.

Dialogue 10 (If you have The Golem of Prague): Adama Lowi… Or do you prefer Yoselle? Either way, don’t think your usual schemes can get past me. I know what you did to your own grandchildren, and I won’t let you do the same to the Chaldean.

Dialogue 11 (If you have the Harpy Sisters): Celaeno… It’s been a while, hasn’t it? I’m glad to see you’ve reunited with your sisters. Would you care to introduce me to them?

Dialogue 12 (If you have any other Fate/Undead Crusader Servants): …why are you looking at me like that? Is there something on my face?

Dialogue 13 (If you have Mordred(Memories of Trifas) or Caeneus(Summer)): …*silent nod of affirmation towards a fellow punk*

Likes: …back in a Holy Grail War, my Master and I bonded over music. He said ‘if you’re going to dress like a metalhead, might as well listen to some of their music’. I admit, I’ve grown fond of rock music since then. It reminds me of him.

Dislikes: …chickens. Poultry of any kind unnerves me, but above all else, keep chickens away from me. Is that understood?

About the Holy Grail: The Holy Grail… Pfft… Ahahahahaha! Ahhh… I’m sorry. I know I shouldn’t make fun of your efforts, but the thought of a ‘Holy Grail’ is just… ridiculous. If the Holy Grail truly was a cup that the Master drank from… Well it certainly wouldn’t be a Grail. And they certainly wouldn’t be rare.

During an Event: Hehe. You want to bring me to a party? I believe that there’s entire scriptures dedicated to how bad an idea that would be. That said, if you insist… what else can I do?

Birthday: Happy Birthday, Master. I can’t thank you enough for letting me in. Someone like me… I don’t deserve everything you’ve done for me. … But hey. It’s your birthday. Let’s not focus on the sad stuff for once. I got something to perform for you. Lemme just get that guitar I borrowed…

[insomniaccipher]

EDIT (24/3): so um, I posted this way way too early. In my sleep deprived state I guess I posted it rather than save it as a draft, since it's clearly not done. I'm not going to private it, people have already seen it so expect this to be updated with the remaining notes. Sorry and thank you for understanding!

(tw for mention of depression and a depressive episode)

After a few days of me being absolutely fucking drained and progressively chipping away at this, and having a surprise d3pr3ssiv3 episode

(seriously though, don't do what I did and work yourself into a depressive episode. I'm okay now, but I should have rested before I crashed.)

And I can finally present the original sketches, notes (internal dialogue included) and with additional notes provided by present me.

Thank you to the few people who showed interest in my little character for being patient with me, I know I wasn't super loyal with the time frame and kept having issues arise but here it is. I apologise for not having a full illustration of them, It's one of those things that I have to be 100 percent satisfied with and right now, it's not there.

Thank you so so much again and I hope you like them, please feel free to critique them or ask questions but try to keep it polite please. Love you all!

Page 1 (left) - Bits and bobs

- Originally I was thinking of giving Arc moving tattoos. This was because I wanted them to have a more clear connection to ink since they would already be around it quite a lot also I imagine it would have been funny for Arc, who is a very calm and collected person, to be in a frustrating situation but can't express it so their tattoos just fucking loose it showing that they are fucking fuming but looks calm as can be.

After I decided on the hat with a veil however I decided to scrap the idea, or at least save it for a different character, as I realized the character would feel too busy and between the two ideas I liked the hat and veil more.

- There was a short-lived idea of them having blackout tattoos but after a bit of research I decided not to ask I wasn't sure if they had any cultural significance, so better safe than sorry.

- Arc, as stated in the notes, is seemingly always calm. That doesn't mean they can't feel frustrated, sad, embarrassed it just means they can keep their composure and level headed. They're like one of those people that if you upset them they'll walk out the room yell and throw shit and walk back in calm as can be.

- Their role has by now developed more than just being an archivist, as now I see them as just a general records keeper. They find and keep old records and text organised, while also writing down new information and such. I'm not changing their name though, cause honestly I've just grown attached to their nickname.

Page 2 (right) - the first note and ideas

- Weirdly enough, the very first idea I had for this character wasn't their story or personality: but their hat and veil. Yup. I just liked the idea of a character with a big halo hat and a veil hiding their face.

- There was another character at one point or they might have been the same, I don't exactly remember and the details between them were similar enough that it's possible that they were just the same character just with minor tweaks. But that character was more connected to the band (again as in the personas/characters they play, not the irl people) while Arc is more of a solo unit.

Mentioning this other character is relevant because, and this is purely based on memory, I think the whole reason they were reworked/scrapped/whatever-the-fuck I did with them was because a hat and veil wouldn't be practical on stage.

- Anyway whenever they do take the veil off, either for more delicate work or they have to be in public, they'll put on a basic mask that covers the majority of their lower face.

- A lot of stuff I see, so forgive me if it's not actually a popular concept, seems to make the band members some form of inhuman. Which I fucking love, however to be honest the inhuman stuff was always kind of going to be part of them no matter what, even if I hadn't chosen the hat and veil concept (See top bullet point for the moving tattoos concept).

[porta-decumana]

The Great Revampening!

Hi, it’s been a minute since a huge major big post regarding my characters.  I want to start this off by saying that most fics are gonna remain unchanged because a lot of these revamps are not things that will require much in the way of retconning!  There will be minor tweaks to And Love You Shall Find and MAYBE to Alea Iacta Est.  Everything else will remain the same.

The big two things are that Kaida and Lillian are being reworked slightly.  Unfortunately when I upgraded my PC, some things were lost and certain files got corrupted.  I had to rebuild Kaida and Lillian’s looks from scratch and due to certain things, some changes were made to their appearances.  And then I realized... I kind of like those changes.  

I also am in process of making a new probably secondary OC but I’ll post about that later when her design is finished.  I think much like Ifra and Y’aana, she may not necessarily have full fics dedicated to her but she’ll be a character that shows up in fics.  But that’ll go in a later post, time to talk about Kaida and Lillian!

Appearance Changes

Kaida has a new set of scales.  Lillian has been given wavy hair and freckles. Both have new hairstyles for 6.3 onward.

Additionally, Kaida’s appearance in previous expansions will be getting slightly revised moving forward (mostly hairstyle changes and I’m going to come up with official “looks” for her for each expansion).

Further changes are under the cut because long.

Backstory Changes

The only characters receiving backstory changes at this time are Kaida and her Unsundered form, Euphrosyne.  I’ve been doing a lot of deep diving into Kaida’s character lately and I’m ready to reveal these new changes.

Euphrosyne (Euphie)

Formerly, Euphie was adopted into Hades’s family.  However, I’ve decided to switch the scenario so that Hades was adopted into Euphie’s family.  Euphrosyne also had two sisters (Aglaia and, tentatively, Thalia).

Kaida Asagiri

I have bumped back the time that Kaida was exiled from the Ruby Sea.  Rather than being exiled at age 16, she was exiled at age 19.  I chose to do this to give more time to explore her life in the Ruby Sea prior to her adventures as a Warrior of Light.

Kaida had a pet syldra during her time in the Ruby Sea.  These were not uncommon for richer clans to own.  The pet syldra was named Gin.  After her exile, Kousuke and Aika-- Kaida’s siblings-- took care of Gin.

While Kaida lived in the Ruby Sea, she had a long-distance relationship with Yugiri.  This relationship was kept mostly secret as Kaida knew that her parents would not approve of her dating someone outside the village.  At the time, Ao-no-Sato and Sui-no-Sato were still repairing their relationship after generations of political conflict.

Yugiri was Kaida’s first kiss.

Kaida’s curiosity of the outside world was influenced by Yugiri’s stories, especially the tale of her encounter with a young boy name Shun.  

Yugiri broke things off with Kaida when she departed the Ruby Sea to become a shinobi in Doma.  Yugiri explained to Kaida that she was doing this because she could not see a future in which the Garleans did not invade the Ruby Sea. Although Yugiri tried to convince Kaida to come with her, Kaida felt, at the time, Yugiri was too obsessed with this paranoia of the Garleans invading (a paranoia Kaida was too familiar with as it had caused her village to become even more reclusive than normal-- something she did not like).  Kaida refused and lost contact with Yugiri soon after, which broke her heart.

Rather than being part of a free company prior to the Calamity, Kaida worked in Gridania as part of the Conjurer’s Guild.  She trained under E-Sumi-Yan, who took an interest in her geomancy.  Because Kaida’s form of geomancy had more to do with water than the earth (given that she learned everything in an underwater village), she was tasked frequently with seeing to aetherial imbalances in the Shroud’s waters.  She helped tend to the wounded during the Calamity and afterwards, she was recruited by the Order of the Twin Adders.  She attained the rank of Serpeant Sergeant Third Class and mostly did Grand Company work for spare gil to cover living expenses.

During the events of rescuing Minfilia, Tataru, Urianger, etc from Castrum Centri in ARR, Kaida was captured by the XIVth Legion’s Livia sas Junius.  This is going to be a fic so please look forward to it, I guess.

When Kaida and Yugiri reunited in 2.2, they tried to make things work out.  However, they quickly discovered that they had simply become different people and after a month of trying, they decided to split things off permanently.  They remain friends, however.

During the events of the Naadam in Stormblood, Kaida did not fight for the Mol.  Instead, she fought for the Malaguld-- the tribe that her father hailed from.  Kaida met some of her extended family during this time including her grandfather Sükhbaatar, the khan of the tribe and an experienced warrior, and her cousin, Erhi.  Upon winning the Naadam, she gave her title of khagan to her grandfather as she felt it was not her place to hold that title.

Character Changes

Kaida’s Echo is now slightly altered.  Rather than simply seeing the past through another’s eyes, Kaida experiences them in a more vivid and emotional way.  The emotions sometimes cloud her mind post-vision to the point where she can fall into a state of delirium.  The delirium is born from a blend of lingering emotions from the vision (usually the emotions of another) and her own feelings, giving her a cooldown period where she’s more emotionally volatile.

Not entirely a change but more or less something I’ve been developing over time.  Kaida is pretty anti-piracy, specifically due to a bad past with the Confederacy, who has long harassed people from her village.  Because of this, certain scenes in Stormblood are a bit different, with Kaida likely being forbidden from dealing with Rasho due to her immense hatred towards him. I will probably write about these scenes later.  Kaida also has a civil but colder relationship with Merlwyb and does not particularly find Limsa to be a comfortable place. Characters such as Sicard, who lean into piracy a tad too comfortable, make Kaida wary and she is not comfortable around them.  There is a bit more to this but I will also save that for fics.

I think that about covers the major changes!  I plan to replay Stormblood when Trust support is added because I don’t think I’ve ever gotten to play through it as Kaida before!  So when that happens, I foresee many more headcanon posts.

I will be revising banners and profiles gradually over the next week!

Thank you for reading. 

[palidoozy-art]

The more I think about your recent post about the changes you made to Strahd, the more I wonder about those changes you made to the others mentioned (Rahadin, Van Richten, Ireena, etc). I'd absolutely love to hear what adjustments you made as you already shared some stellar ideas already. Like the Tome? -Chef kiss- Amazing.

Oh mannn I do love talking about my campaign. I changed a lot with them. Again, weirdly enough, I think Strahd wound up being the most like his original incarnation. I could talk forever about the changes I made so I'll try to be brief haha. IT STILL WON'T BE BRIEF.

Obvious CoS spoilers below

IREENA - I thought it was weird that the picture they gave her makes her look like such a badass, and then the module just kind of writes her as a damsel in distress to either get kidnapped or pulled into water or dumped somewhere. To me, she's like, the second most important character in CoS -- and the book literally gives you less direction to roleplay her than her brother. Furthermore, reading her ending actually legit made me mad.

So I said fuck all that. Ireena in my game was a 19-year old girl who grew and developed over the course of the campaign. Several of my players actually said they thought of her as "the main character," just because she experienced a lot of character growth and development, going from a sheltered meek teenager to someone who can fight and assert herself. The biggest change I made to her though was that I very specifically did not just want her to be "Tatyana with memory loss." Ireena is a unique individual who happens to be partially made out of Tatyana's soul. While she shares many similarities with Tatyana, they're separate people, and part of what Ireena has to grapple with is how to live up to that. She's in the post-campaign because of that distinction -- while Sergei offered her to join him, she declined, because she wants to experience life past her twenties. I didn't get to play it out because we were kind of rushing towards the end, but I honestly envisioned a scene where she talks to the portrait of Tatyana, apologizing to her because she knows she's being selfish remaining alive.

This also brings up a unique problem in the post campaign. If Ireena dies, she ceases to exist and may not be able to be resurrected. When her soul leaves her body, it's Tatyana's again. Ireena very much wants to live. Tatyana doesn't. A resurrection has to be made with the consent of the soul, and if Tatyana declines, Ireena's just... gone. Forever.

Related: because I wasn't sure what my players would ask, and Rahadin would absolutely know this information -- there have been 18 incarnations of Tatyana, including the original. I actually have a timeline of when they were all born and how they died. The curse manifests in that they always die or are killed before their 25th birthday. If Strahd attempts to marry them, they lose their minds and throw themselves off of the same balcony the original Tatyana jumped off of during the ceremony. Strahd can never have Tatyana. Vampyr will ensure of that.

But yeah, essentially: Ireena gained actual class levels; she wasn't just Tatyana with memory loss; she traveled with the party for 90% of the campaign and wasn't just a macguffin to be kidnapped/take to places; and I removed any of the "Sergei takes her into water/the sky and you never see her again" endings because I absolutely hated those.

VAN RICHTEN - Van Richten I tweaked a lot from his original incarnation. First, I started him off as Lawful Neutral. No, game, I know you tell me he's Lawful Good, but I'm gonna have to disagree with you that "training a racist tiger to genocide an ethnic camp" falls under the spectrum of Lawful Good. Second, I changed him from cleric to artificer (alchemist). I somehow just got the impression the dude was a godless man, and so he felt more fitting to be a man of science rather than a man of the church. Third, since I wasn't sure the other dread domains were ever going to be brought into 5e I moved him out of Darkon and into another world from the outside.

His backstory was also tied more into Strahd and the campaign in general, as well as the Dark Powers. About 30 years ago, he went into the mists with his own adventuring party (that included Escher) to try to rescue his kidnapped son, Erasmus. He found his son half-turned and begging him for death. Killing him, Van Richten hunted down the Vistani woman (Ezmerelda's mother) who sold the man, and in a rage strangled her to death. This gave him a curse. Ezmerelda witnessed it happen.

He went on a warpath against vampire spawn and vistani alike, until Strahd proposed a deal to Escher. Escher lured the group to a familiar dinner date with Strahd... only for Strahd to murder all of them, including Van Richten. Van Richten was approached by a dark power -- Vaund the Evasive, and given the option to return to life in exchange for the promise that Van Richten would eventually return to Amber Temple and free him. He took it, waking up outside of Barovia. From there he became famed vampire-hunter-book-author, until in his early 50's he decided it was time to seek vengeance and fulfill his promise. He brought in his hat of disguise, came up with an alibi, and headed into Barovia as Rictavio the Great.

He was absolutely played as a much more morally grey character at the start (the party's first encounter with him rather than Rictavio was him literally torturing a dude). He softened over the course of the campaign as he grew attached to the party, until finally reaching a point in the post-campaign where he's considered Lawful Good

Also: Ezmerelda was treated more or less as his adoptive daughter. She absolutely argued against this every single time, but he even slipped up and referred to her as his daughter on a few tense occasions.

RAHADIN - Rahadin I adjusted a lot, too. A LOOOOOOT. Strahd being comically evil makes sense -- the dude is a darklord, that kind of comes with the territory. With Rahadin, I wanted him to have more motivations to his actions, because the base game actually suggests that the dude is actually capable of caring. In the base game, you can find him at Amber Temple, trying to "petition the dark god into releasing his master from his torment." He screams in grief if he finds Strahd dead. Furthermore it felt like the game glosses over the fact that the dude was adopted as Barov's son. It doesn't bother addressing how Rahadin felt about Sergei, who would in theory be his other brother. I thought a number of things suggested in his backstory were interesting, but not expanded upon in the base game. So I took it upon myself to do so.

I changed how dusk elf society was built, which affected the three major dusk elf characters. It worked off of a pretty brutal caste system, with three kings at the top overseeing all of it. Rahadin was born in a lower caste, but actually brought into the warrior caste after a member of royalty was intrigued by his stature. Rahadin worked as a general, but grew frustrated by the inefficiencies of the caste system and its inequality. He started attempting to use his influence to petition other members of nobility into changing or loosening the strict system.

Patrina caught wind of this, and viewing it as a threat to her lifestyle + viewing it as an easy way to gain brownie points with those above her... tattled on him to the three kings, spinning what he was doing as treason. Rahadin was arrested and subsequently tortured. They attempted to execute him on a breaking wheel, breaking his bones against the spokes and leaving him in the town square as an example. He wound up escaping, crawling his way out of town until he was subsequently rescued by a group of human monks. The event pretty much broke him, morally. He went to Barov soon after and sold his people out, taking a personal hand in helping annihilate the dusk elves and conquering their land. Barov was so impressed by the man's loyalty that he adopted him as his son.

Part of this was done to make a connection as to why the hell Rahadin just absolutely fuckin' hates Patrina so much (since that definitely got played up during the campaign). When thinking of Rahadin's motivations, I tried to come at it from the angle that this man was evil... but legitimately cared deeply about Strahd, Sergei, and Tatyana. He was devestated from the events of the wedding, but saw Strahd's return as a second chance. As the lone surviving witness from the wedding, he desperately wanted to help the three of them. But his own blind loyalty to Strahd and his broken moral compass prevented him from doing so.

One of my favorite little additions was a sidequest I offered to the players (they wanted to redeem Rahadin). They were requested by him to retrieve (well, "not destroy or sell") one of his most precious belongings in his office. When they get there... it turns out it's a birthday card and a worn-out old amulet from Sergei and Tatyana that he's kept after all these years. They got Ireena to read the letter to him, to help him keep going after Strahd's death.

anyway i could ramble on about changes forever but i don't want this post to get too long haha. i have. many feelings. over this campaign. maybe at some point I'll do a separate post with some of the others.

i also kinda wanna do a comic of an event from Rahadin's backstory for my players but we'll see, I might deem it "too stupid."

[maxwell-grant]

One last one for the moment; top five superheroes who definitely AREN'T Pulp Heroes, but could be with a little tweaking?

Oof, that's a hard one. It's a hard one because, again, there ultimately isn't that much separation between the two to the point there's enough of a hard line in there to work with, but I guess the cat's out of the bag now that I've staked claims on there being differences between them.

Okay so, not counting superheroes who are deliberately modeled after actual pulp heroes, so no Tom Strong or Night Raven here. I'm sticking mainly with comic book superheroes (barring one oddball exception) since the medium separation is important), who I think could become pulp heroes with some tweaking.

5: Captain America

Sort of cheating because I already covered it here, but I definitely have to include Captain America in here, especially in the stories they actively go for a "pulp" vibe as well as the earliest ones.

Fun fact about Marvel: As Timely, they actually began life as pulp publishers. Not just pulp publishers, but specializing in some of the sleaziest, ghastliest magazines of the era, and you can bet this carried over to their superheroes. Where as DC's superheroes took inspiration from the big pulp heroes such as The Shadow and Doc Savage, Timely's superheroes seemed instead much more inspired by Weird Tales stories and Poverty Row horror films, and even in the 60s, Marvel never really abandoned their horror roots, the trick was just using them as a baseline to create superheroes. In DC, the world's first contact with superheroes begins with the world looking in wonder at a friendly strongman. In Marvel, it began with the world looking in panicked horror at a flaming monster rampaging through the streets desperately trying to not burn everything it touches. It should come to little surprise then that the majority of characters I'm including in this list are Marvel characters.

People think Captain America's first comics largely consisted of him fighting Nazis left and right, but they were actually much more often based around him encountering monsters and creatures of horror, like the above panel where it looks like Cap's staring down the beginning of Berserk's Eclipse (RIP Miura).

The early Captain America comics pretty much consisted of Kirby dipping his toe into the monster comics he'd make in the 50s which would later bleed into the 60s Marvel entourage. They even tried repackaging Captain America into a horror anthology in the 50s titled "Captain America's Weird Tales", just imagine how different the character would be today if that somehow stuck.

Imagine a world where Steve Rogers never became leader of The Avengers, never got to become the shining beacon of heroism of an entire universe, and instead, when he was unfrosted, he woke up to find a world running rampant with crawling nightmares and Nazi tyranny, and he has no idea what's become of his former sidekick. That definitely sounds like the start of a promising pulp adventure.

4: Namor

Another Timely creation. In Namor's case, he didn't so much encounter horrors from beyond imagination, as much as HE was the terrifying thing beyond us ready to rampage upon mankind, whose first on-screen act consists of the calculated slaughter of a ship full of innocents. The first true villain protagonist of comic books. Not just an anti-hero, a villain intent on wiping out the human race.

And not just a cardboard supervillain, but the beautiful prince of a race of ugly fish monsters, a momma's boy who's doing what he thinks is right by warring with surface dwellers. While Namor's become largely defined by his gargantuan arrogance, here, he's almost childlike, despite being much more brutal and villainous here, spurred on by the whims of his mother, who even acknowledges that Namor had no real reason to kill the divers but did so anyway, and now encourages him to genocide. His mom even tells him "Go now, to the land of white people!", and the very last panel of the story even states he's on a "crusade against white men".

The massacre of explorers at the hands of something beyond their understanding. A monster born of an interracial coupling. A race of fish monsters with bulging eyes, antagonistic towards humanity but are shown to have positive traits just the same. A dash of racism. There is no mistaking The Sub-Mariner's pulp horror influence.

A non-white superhuman warrior born from a Lovecraftian horror story, who gradually moves away from his villainous crusade into becoming more of an anti-hero, never truly putting aside his hatred for humanity, remaining a temperamental, unpredictable outcast, with a strong, palpable undercurrent of anger in his stories. I could very easily buy Namor as having crawled out of a Weird Tales story and I can't think of other superheroes whose origins are as steeped deeply in pulp horror.

3: Doctor Fate

Technically we already have a pulp hero version of Doctor Fate in Doc Fate, and I'll get to him separately, but even besides him, the earliest Doctor Fate stories in particular feel very much like he's a character steeped in the worlds of pulp and pulp horror who decided to put on a superhero costume and show up in comic.

He's got a similar set-up to The Shadow, from the pulp Shadow in the sense that he's a mysterious, eerie crimefighter who dwells as a presence more often than an active character and who kills criminals without remorse, always watching and waiting for the right time to strike as a a wrathful old-testament force of vengeance, and from the radio Shadow due to him using superpowers to fight crime while being accompanied by a smart, fierce love interest.

Originally, Fate was not a sorcerer, but instead a scientist who discovered a way to manipulate atomic structure, of his and other things, thus making it appear that he can do magic (although we never see his face, and he's implied to be thousands of years old, before they settled on the Nabu origin). And going back to Lovecraft, a lot of it appears in the earliest Fate stories. Fate was given powers not by a sorcerer, but an alien worshipped as a god. He barely encounters traditional monsters, but instead contends with hidden races, zombie slaves, abandoned alien monoliths, and half man and half fish creatures. Fate may have actually been the very first pastiche of Lovecraft in pop culture.

And of course we can't forget the gloriousness of Doc Fate pulling an Indiana Jones on us.

2: Wolverine

I don't even think you'd have to tweak Wolverine at all. You'd just have to get him out of the costume and Avengers/X-Men associations (although the X-Men have a substantial background in pulp sci-fi stories like Slan and Odd John, so they aren't really at odds here), maybe tone down his powers a bit and, that's it. Logan's already the kind of character who has such a varied sandbox history, whose powers can lead to so many different scenarios, that it's not a stretch at all to picture Wolverine in the usual pulp hero scenarios.

You can have half-naked Wolverine running around in the jungle with animals Tarzan-style, take him to Savage Land if you wanna throw dinosaurs in there. He's already Marvel's foremost "wandering samurai/cowboy" character which was one of the stock and trade types of the pulps. Western? Done. Samurai? Done. Wuxia? Just put him in China and add a couple extra fantasy elements. Wanna make a sword and sorcery story with him? He already comes with a bunch of knives and savagery and ability to survive grisly injuries. Horror? The MCU is crawling with them, or alternatively, tell a story from the perspective of someone who's being hunted down by Wolverine. Wanna tell a detective/noir/post-apocalypse story? Logan's right there.

Wanna have him crossover with pulp heroes? He's lived through the 1800s and 1900s and traveled all over the world, you could feasibly have him meet up with just about any of them. Logan may actually be the purest example of your question, because he's very much not a Pulp Hero, and yet, he definitely feels like a character who could have been one, at just about any point in the history of pulp magazines. He's perfect for it.

1: Wario

WAAA-okay, look, bear with me for a second here, I'm not just picking Wario because I love oddball choices and he's one of my favorite characters, I got some logic to this.

Okay so, the first question here: is Mario a superhero? While I'm usually adverse to calling characters prominent outside of comic books superheroes (hence why I'm definitely not interested in debating whether Harry Potter or Goku or Link or Frodo are superheroes), I do think it's a pretty shut case that, yes, Mario is a superhero. Superheroes don't just come in the form of skintight crimefighters, right from the start comic books have had varied types of superheroes appearing in comics and comic strips. For example, the "funny animal" superheroes are a type older than superhero comics, and they were arguably not only the most successful type of superhero of the 40s-50s era, but arguably defined trends dominating nonfunny animal superheroes, traits that predated or influenced Captain Marvel as well as Otto Binder's reshaping of Superman that defined much of superhero convention as we know it. It's part of why the question of "Is Sonic a superhero" has a very clear Yes as an answer.

So upon establishing that, yes, funny cartoon characters can be and are superheroes too, is Mario one? Well, I'd say yes. He's got an iconic uniform, he's got superpowers, he goes on fantastical adventures, he is both a nebulously general do-gooder as well as having a clear mission as protector of the Mushroom Kingdom. His adventures span multiple storytelling formats, he's got catchphrases, he even dresses up in Superman's colors and has a Super prefix iconically associated with him. Not a superhero the way we usually think of, but a superhero nonetheless.

And Wario? Well, putting aside Wario-Man who's more of a running gag than anything, Wario does just about everything Mario does. He's got all the traits that define Mario as a superhero short of a Super prefix and the selfless mission (which isn't exactly a rule). He goes around and gets into crazy adventures, he picks up items, beats bad guys, conquers the odds, and gets some kind of prize for it. He's got Mario's physical traits, and Mario's costume, and just about the same name short of a single letter. The caveat being, of course, that he's Wario, and so everything Mario is or does has to be exaggerated to gross extreme.

Mario is paunchy and strong, Wario's round and built like a powerlifter. Mario's got a friendly face and a fluffy mustache, Wario's got a massive horrible grin and jagged razors for a stache. Mario is a bit of an overeater, Wario can and will eat anything in front of him. Mario gets around with acrobatics and magic power-ups, Wario brute forces his way through everything and just rolls with whatever injuries he picks up along the way.

Mario gets fire powers by consuming magic flowers. Wario sets himself on fire and barrels around destroying everything in his path. Mario harnesses the elements or abilities of beings around him to clear obstacles and solve puzzles, Wario gets turned into a zombie, a vampire or a drunk to get the same things done. Mario befriends and rides dinosaurs who raised him from infancy, Wario piledrives dinosaurs and then uses their bodies to beat up more dinosaurs. Mario pals around with fellow heroes, princesses and friendly fantasy creatures, Wario pals around with aliens, witches, mad scientists, cab drivers, and lanky weirdos. Mario always ends his adventures joyfully leaping to the next one, Wario usually ends up either cackling in a pile of treasure or completely broke.

Mario races through plains to rescue princesses, Wario invades pyramids to hunt for treasure. Mario jumps through planets with baby stars guiding his path, Wario crashes into the Amazon jungle and fistfights the devil. You can see where I'm going with this.

If you were to take one of Nintendo's heroes to make them into pulp heroes, Wario, specifically the Wario Land Wario, may be the only one who really could do it, because in essence, he's the videogame equivalent of Professor Challenger. He's Bluto moonlighting as Indiana Jones, the weird brute adventurer for weird brute adventures where everything's off limits and you can trust our intrepid hero, who really shouldn't be a hero on all accounts, to deliver us a good time, give or take a couple deaths, scams, shams and oh-damns to complete said mad treasure hunts.

[ao3-sucks]

An Archive of Someone’s Own: my experiences being groomed in fandom circles on AO3

TW: Childhood sexual abuse, grooming, mentions of incest and rape.

I used to be a big writer of fanfiction. It was the logical choice for me. I loved to write and create bold and immersive worlds, and I craved an audience who would enjoy my work as much as I did. Since my writing wasn’t actually good, I needed a community of other amateurs who wouldn’t mind that, and by tweaking my characters and settings into ones from canonical media, I got the audience I so craved.

I started writing fanfiction online when I was 14, posting initially on FanFiction.net and then moving to AO3 a few months later. As I got back into writing original fiction towards the end of high school, I lost interest in this community, and it’s been a long time since I posted anything much on AO3.

I’ve always struggled with the fact I display a lot of symptoms of CSA, and for the longest time, I couldn’t figure out why. Throughout my teen years, I refused to get changed or bathe when anyone was even vaguely nearby, constantly paranoid about being spied on; I developed a severe touch phobia, and would have frequent panic attacks from something as small as brushing arms with a passerby; I resolutely identified as asexual and refused to get into anything resembling a relationship with others because the very concept disgusted and repulsed me.

Weird, considering I had grown up pretty normal and all of these symptoms had started around my early teens. It was only when I told my friends about my friendship with a 30 year old I had met online that the pieces started falling into place for me.

Child grooming is usually discussed in the context of one adult going out of their way to befriend a child with the goal of lowering their resistance to sexual abuse, through normalisation and friendliness. I’d like to talk about how that worked on the fanfiction website AO3. Since it’s an open website and most communication takes place between anonymous users or accounts in the comments section of a work, there is very little delineation between spaces for adults to discuss whatever dark topics they like and spaces for kids to do the same.

This frequently leads to pretty inappropriate conversations between people of widely varying ages and life experiences, which is how I ended up talking sex as a fourteen year old with people ranging from a couple of years older than me, who were generally okay, to more than twice my age. The 30 year old in question listed on her profile how many pedophilic ships she loved, and she knew my age but pushed me to keep discussing sexual topics with her. Sounds like a red flag, yeah? Well. I was 14, and very stupid.

This 30 year old woman, who I will call Aku (because it’s similar to her screen name and because it’s funny to name her after the bad guy from Samurai Jack) would start conversations with me whenever I posted anything to AO3 and would refuse to take no for an answer when I tried to back out of conversations with her, and since these conversations were public and occurring within comments, I didn’t want to be rude to her since this was taking place on content I was trying to promote.

I told her my age multiple times and she would either pretend she forgot from last time (saying her memory is super bad) or continue as though it was just trivia about me and not a sign she shouldn’t have been pushing me. My primary objection to what she would say to me (since most of it was just her being annoying) was her insistence on sexualising everything I wrote, and her determination to push me into writing pornographic content, which I eventually gave in to.

Yes, she was a terrible person. She emailed me using her personal email address, so I know her full name and place of residence, because she’s an idiot. These emails also contain sexually explicit materials. Nothing much ever happened between us except for these very creepy interactions and the fact we remained online friends for a few years. But here’s the thing: she wasn’t the only person pushing me into creating sexual content. Lots of people would comment on my writing demanding that I show explicit sexual content when I really didn’t want to.

After a while it felt like I couldn’t write a longer, romantic fanfiction without including explicit sexual content. Like my work wasn’t valid without it. Other, more popular writers were usually sexual in their content, and I wanted to be like them and bring in the views, right? So, when I look at my back catalog of works, I can see how my content moved from completely non-sexual to featuring sexual content over time, and the views usually came with. In this way, I was in an environment that was encouraging me on many levels to sexualise my own work, which impacted the way I thought about my creative process.

Here’s another example I remember. When I was a young sprout, I remember reading down someone’s list of fanfiction recommendations and seeing a work called Hug Therapy, which I promptly read. While the work is marked as explicit and containing the Loki/Thor pairing, the use of relationship and rating tags on AO3 is so poorly regulated that it didn’t really mean anything to me to see either of those. People tag hardcore material as non-explicit and tag friendships as relationships, because there’s no motivation to tag properly. Plus, someone I followed here on Tumblr had recommended it to me.

Now, you wouldn’t know from the listing, but while this piece starts out as comedy, it turns out in the end to include rape, incest, and BDSM in very explicit terms. The fact it was tagged as being explicit didn’t slow me down, because the liberal use of these tags could mean that an explicit tag was just there because sexual content was implied or mentioned, which I thought would be the case based on the rest of the listing. Out of curiosity, I recently tried to report this work to the moderators for containing no warnings about incest or rape, and I got this in response:

“Selecting “Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings” satisfies a creator’s obligation under the warnings policy. Users who wish to avoid specific elements entirely should not access fanworks marked with “Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings”. Our Terms of Service note: “You understand that using the Archive may expose you to material that is offensive, triggering, erroneous, sexually explicit, indecent, blasphemous, objectionable, grammatically incorrect, or badly spelled. ….. This decision is in accordance with our policy of maximum inclusiveness; we have therefore closed this case and will not be investigating further.”

Which, yeah, I guess. The frustration comes from how ‘Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings’ is an extremely commonly used tag, and most things that it’s used on are totally harmless.

This fanfiction, which I was recommended by a friend, is hugely popular, in the top 60 most read fanfictions in the entire fandom. You wanna hear the kicker? The author, Astolat, is one of the founders of AO3. They’re not just some random author who isn’t following the rules. They’re a creator of the whole website, and they made the rules. This is pretty telling about how seriously the website actually takes protecting their users.

My final example I want to give is one of fetish content. People in fetish communities generally (not always) say that fetishes are probably something one should work up to after the onset of sexual activity, especially potentially harmful stuff like BDSM. In the circles I was running in, if you weren’t sporting a fetish or two (no matter your age) you were a boring bitch.

Maybe this isn’t true of everywhere in the fanfiction community, but I used to feel that bizarre pressure until I got out. Bear in mind that my main time in this community was from ages 14 to 17. I never made my age a secret, either. I told people outright I was that age, I was in high school, I was playing hockey and studying The Great Gatsby when I wasn’t online.

Since I was in the Avengers fandom and I liked Loki and the Asgardians, I was frequently exposed to incestuous content between Loki and Thor, and a lot of it came out of nowhere or was poorly tagged. This was considered the norm, and while I at first felt completely horrified and repulsed, within a year or two I no longer gave a shit. It’s only in the last few years as I’ve begun to unpack everything that I’ve started to get that strong revulsion reaction to incestuous content.

In the circles I was in, it was relentlessly normal. Normal to the point that people who disliked it were usually shouted down. Even to this day, debate rages on in fandom spaces about whether or not content like this normalises this kind of abuse. In my own personal experience, which I don’t usually like to talk about, it absolutely does.

In real life, this normalisation started to have serious consequences for my mental health and interpersonal relationships. In fanfiction, any occasion when you are alone with someone could become sexual, any familial relationship is possibly sexual, and it doesn’t matter if you like it or not. I became incredibly anxious around male family members for fear of being sexually assaulted, and my OCD, which I had been developing since I was a child, turned from thoughts of physical violence to thoughts of graphically sexually assaulted by anyone and everyone around me.

My fear of being touched got to the point where I would have panic attacks if anyone came anywhere close to touching me. I quit sports, fucked up my romantic relationships, and didn’t hug anyone, not even members of my family, for years. All the while, I had bought my first laptop and was consuming more fanfiction than ever before. I struggled with my sexuality growing up, as I am bisexual, and while fanfiction provided LGBT content to help me, the content was frequently so disturbing that I viewed any expression of sexuality as something evil and predatory.

The community on AO3, whether you like it or not, is often sexual, and provides no barriers between the casual user looking for content and extremely intense fetish material. It’s sometimes called the Pornhub of fanfiction, but considering the wide range of people who use it, it’s more like if you opened Youtube and saw niche hardcore fetish videos just on the front page, recommended and trending.

Sure, you have to click a little button to confirm you’re 18 before you can actually read a story, but the tags and descriptions of readily available works can be extremely explicit. Fanfiction also brings you into close contact with fellow readers and the author, and encourages you to become a content creator, which in some ways makes it more dangerous.

I was affected much more strongly by what I saw than most people would be, because I was already treading shaky ground. But I’m also not the only person out there who has been hurt in this way. Most of my friends who grew up in fandom can report the impact that fanfiction culture had on them. One of my friends from high school knew a panoply of porn terms at age 14 or so due to reading fanfiction, and another of my other friends at high school almost exclusively read rape porn because it was her favourite. I didn’t have friends who watched porn; I had friends who read fanfiction. These are just as troubling to me as any other accounts of young people consuming visual porn from a very early age.

It’s frequently cited that fanfiction gives minority groups the opportunity for creative outlet. It was a great place for me to cut my teeth as a content creator, and a source of acceptance and kindness when times were tough. Fanfiction communities have historically been the domain of women and minorities, and create a space for these people to tell their own stories.

It’s largely because of this that fanfiction communities fear censorship and strict moderation, as they have been attacked in the past on homophobic or misogynistic grounds, resulting in mass deletions of works or the shutdown of websites. But there must be some middle ground between total censorship and the kind of free rein that puts vulnerable people in danger, and I strongly encourage the board of AO3 to seek this middle ground out.

But it’s the community itself that needs to shape up; AO3 is, after all, a community-led website built by fans for fans, so the fact that this website has such issues is a reflection of the issues that run deeply within the people who created it. Aku didn’t talk to me with the intention of doing me harm, or so I believe at this time, and she didn’t pursue me as a lone wolf or in isolation.

She was simply a particularly brazen member of a community that was used to having inappropriate conversations with young people and sexualising everything they did. Even people my own age were jokingly pushing me into discussing and consuming extremely sexual content. It was just normal. That’s what I want to say here. Inside the world of fandom on AO3, the grooming of children with sexual content is normal. And that’s scary.

- Mod Daft

[calliecat93]

Callie’s Disney Princess Retrospective: The Little Mermaid

(Snow White) (Cinderella) (Sleeping Beauty)

By the time of 1989, The Walt Disney Company was in it’s Dark Age. Walt had passed, the Nine Old Men were retiring, and their films were viewed as jokes. The Dark Age tends to get what I feel is an overly harsh reputation, but that’s not what we’re here for. The cold hard truth is Disney was a shadow of its former self. Their films just weren’t getting the same praise as they once did, and now with Don Bluth gaining success, with films like An American Tale and The Land Before Time, they weren’t even the top studio anymore. Their lowest point was the colossal failure of The Black Cauldron and while films like The Great Mouse Detective earned some praise, it was just never enough. They’d start getting some steam with Who Framed Roger Rabbit? but considering that they commissioned Richard William’s studio in England over Disney’s own animation studio, it seemed that even the company itself was losing faith in their own talents.

That all changed, however, with the release of their 28th animated feature. This would be the film that changed everything. It brought Disney back into prominence after years of being laughing stocks. It would enter the animation medium into its Renaissance, a time still fondly remembered by many. And for the purposes of this series, it is the film that both resurrected and revitalized the Disney Princess franchise. All of this would be due to 1989’s The Little Mermaid.

Overview

Ariel is a mermaid, but she dreams of one day being able to be part of the human world. Always collecting whatever surface world treasures she can find, to her father’s disapproval, Ariel one day stumbles upon a ship celebrating the birthday of the handsome Prince Eric. It’s love at first sight, but as he is a human, her father King Triton reacts negatively. Hurt, Ariel goes to the sea witch Ursula, who grants her human legs at the cost of her voice. To remain human, Ariel has three days to get Eric to fall in love with her and kiss her. But Ursula has her own wicked plans for Ariel, plans that will endanger both land and sea. Will Ariel be able to get Eric to fall in love with her and become part of his world? Or will Ursula triumph?

Review

I have been waiting for this day for SO LONG. Do you want to know why I decided to do this series, to begin with? Aside from 2020 driving me to insanity? It’s because while the complaints against the Disney Princesses in general have frustrated me for as long as I can remember, there were two in particular that always made my blood boil because they made no sense. Cinderella was the first one, which I already covered. The other? Ariel. I think you all know what I’m referring to here, but let’s put a pin in it for now. We have a LOT to discuss before we get to analyzing Ariel herself. First, let's go over the film.

The film is based on the story of the same name by Hans Christian Anderson. Walt himself had actually planned it long before, but sadly was never able to make it a reality. When the directors pitched it, at first it was denied due to Disney having already releasing a mermaid film called Splash not too long ago. But it was allowed to continue to be worked on as a future project and after a great deal of tweaking, expansion, and reworking, it was approved as a feature film to come out after Oliver and Company. There were a LOT of changes from the original story. The sea witch went from neutral to the villain, characters were expanded and added, and of course the story of unrequited love that ended with the little mermaid committing suicide was thrown out all together. A lot of the story basis was still there, but Disney was taking it and making it their own arguably even moreso than with the Classic Three.

The animation is fantastic. Many of the films prior like The Rescuers and Oliver and Company, while they looked nice, had this… roughness to it. I mean they were outright recycling animation for a good while, with Robin Hood being the biggest example. But the animation here is some of the nicest, most fluid that they’ve had in quite a long time. It’s colorful, expressive, and grand in feel. This is especially true with the musical numbers. I mean Under the Sea has SO much going on, and it is a true spectacle! It’s especially prominent when Ariel is mute. Since she can’t express herself with words, the animation had to be on point so that we could still understand her thoughts and feelings. They did an amazing job. From things like her visual glee at being human when going to bed the first night, to her annoyingly blowing her bangs during the canoe ride, turning into excited glee when Eric guesses her name. It helps Ariel feel more like a three-dimensional character and illustrates everything to us that words couldn’t at that point.

The biggest animation challenge for this film would be to convincingly portray the illusion of being under water. They had to convince us that Ariel was living under the sea, and I’d say they did a pretty good job. It is no easy task and trying to describe it is… hard. But I never had any doubt that they were underwater, especially compared to the scenes that were on the surface/ just look at how Ariel's hair is constantly flowing compared to how it sits when on the surface. It’s that attention to detail that I always appreciate. The opening especially, seeing the underwater landscape thriving as we see the silhouetted merpeople until the grand reveal of King Triton’s castle. Not to mention the seashore setting of Eric’s own castle and kingdom, a perfect match for this sort of movie. As someone who loves water/seaside settings, it’s always a joy to see!

While several of these people worked on the Dark Age films, this is really the first film that allows the then-new talent of Disney to shine. The directors were John Musker and Ron Clements, who are VERY important names to the Princess line. They not only gave us Ariel but also Jasmine, Tiana, and Moana. They’ve been attached to many of Disney’s most beloved films and event cult classics like The Great Mouse Detective and Treasure Planet (both of which you should watch). You also have animators such as Glen Keane, who would go on to animate Pocahontas and Rapunzel and work on some of the future princes (The Beast and Aladdin), and Mark Henn who would animate Belle, Jasmine, Pocahontas (alongside Keane), Mulan, and Tiana. They both would be the supervising animators for Ariel, and go on to have very successful careers in future productions. 

But this film also gave us what may have been the best decision that the new management ever made. For the music, they hired lyricist Howard Ashman, who chose composer Alan Menken to collaborate with him. I cannot stress enough how important these two’s contributions were for this (and the next film we’ll be discussing) production, especially the former. Ashman became very passionate about this project and was very influential on it’s direction to the point of being credited as a producer. Menken of course would go on to have a LONG, successful career as a composer on many of the Renaissance films. Many of which we’ll be touching on in this retrospective. These guys won two Oscars for The Little Mermaid for a reason.

I haven’t talked a whole lot about the music in these films outside a little bit about the main song. That’s because while not unimportant, the music didn’t really move the story along. Like Someday My Prince Will Come/ is cute, but does it really drive anything forward? Or tell us anything about Snow White that we didn’t already know from I’m Wishing? Not really. Ashman, using his stage musical experience, wanted to use that kind of styling with The Little Mermaid. To use music to add depth to both the characters and to the story. We’re all used to most Disney films being this Broadway-esque spectacle nowadays, but this film was the first to truly do so. Considering how this formula is still being used to this day, I think it’s safe to say that it was VERY successful. Again, the music won two Oscars for a reason. Heck for a LONG time, the music was all that Disney was able to win from The Academy, so that says a LOT as to how good this was.

So now that we’ve made it here, I’m going to discuss the vocal tracks individually and give my thoughts on each of the major ones:

Fathoms Below: Might be the most underrated song of the bunch. It’s in the style of a sea-shanty discussing the legends of what is below the sea. It’s a great intro to the film, letting us know right off the bat what kind of movie we are in for. I know that it sure had me invested~

Part of Your World/Reprise: I’m gonna go more into depth on the song’s meanings when we analyze Ariel, but this song is perfect. It’s the song that tells us Ariel’s wants and dreams and Jodi Benson does such a great job putting so many different emotions into it. The animators also did a fantastic job with the expressions, fully showcasing Ariel’s longing, sadness, and desperation to be part of a world that she cannot. The reprise equally does a great job showcasing her evolving revolve, going from ‘longing’ to ‘determined’. The song is fondly remembered for a reason… and it almost didn’t make it into the film. During screen testings, Jeffrey Katzenberg (the studio head at the time) wanted the sequence cut as the kid audience was ‘bored’ and ‘restless’. The directors and Ashman HEAVILY disagreed and argued back, with Glen Keane ultimately being the one to convince Katzenberg to keep the scene. Thank God for it because this adds such a strong, emotional core to both the story and to Ariel’s character and it would have taken so much away if removed. I love it~

Under the Sea: This was the number that won the Oscar. I… find it the most overrated track tbh. Not that it’s bad, FAR from it. It’s probably the best animation-wise with how much is going on. Sebastian somehow managed to conduct… all the sea life into a mass spectacle that certainly had me convinced to living under the sea. The calypso style is very fitting and fun, and Samuel E Wright sings it with so much passion. I guess that I find it overrated because I just like other songs more, but this is still a true showstopper that’s worth revisiting.

Poor Unfortunate Souls: Aside from I think Cruella DeVille (and even then Roger’s the one singing it), I think that this is the first true villain song in a Disney film. If so, then they started on a GLORIOUS note. I love this song! It was THE perfect song for Ursula. The first half with her fake reformed villain act but with this condescending air to it (Pat Carroll’s delivery with the  ‘Pathetic’ line is perfection) was already grand, but the second half? Pat Carroll just lets loose and goes utterly insane. It is AMAZING and has so much charisma to it that you can’t help but be invested. It’s also very creepy, especially in the end with Ursula's cauldron bubbling and especially how she takes Ariel’s voice. This would inspire many great villain songs in the future and to this day remains one of the all-time greats.

Les Poissons: I never thought that seeing a chef cook would be so horrifying… the song is fine. It’s a silly sequence, albeit morbid from poor Sebastian’s perspective, and Rene Auberjonois did a fantastic job despite the song being pretty short. It’s my least favorite track, mainly because it doesn’t really add or enhance anything. But it was fun… poor Senastian though XD

Kiss the Girl: The love song of the film. I love the animation for this one. I mean what’s more romantic than taking a canoe out on the lake? That’s where I’d want my first date to end! The mood is set so well with the use of shadows and once more, Sebastian is able to conduct a spectacle effortlessly. Once more Samuel E Wright does a fabulous job singing, this time with a serenade style. Even if poor Scuttle didn’t get the appreciation that he deserved. Let the seagull sing, dang it! The only thing that ruins it is the eels capsizing the canoe, jerks! But yeah a beautiful serenade that is bound to convince anyone to… well, kiss the girl XD

And that’s not even getting into Alan Menken’s score! Alan Menken is my favorite composer of all time, so I love everything that he has ever done. I still remember the opening, hearing the instrumental of Part of Your World and immediately became invested in this film. The man is an EGOT for a reason, and this is only one of the many fantastic soundtracks that we’ll be discussing in this review. He also did some additional music for the Broadway version of the film, and there’s a whole body of demo work that he and Ashman did that you can probably find on Youtube, Spotify, or whatever music streaming service you use. Listen to Ashman’s rendition of Part of Your World, you WILL be driven to tears.

So now we get to characters… and HO BOY do we have a lot. For the sake of this review we will be going over King Triton, Sebastian, Flounder, Scuttle, Ursula, Prince Eric, and as per usual Ariel will have her own section at the end.

King Triton, while not evil, serves as an antagonist early on in the film. By all appearances, Triton is a capable ruler who wields a great deal of power due to his triton. He appears just, and for the most part he is as well as a caring father. The only problem is… well, his anger issues. Triton HATES humans and the surface world. We’re never told why aside from him calling them ‘fish-eaters’ (the DTV prequel suggests it’s due to the death of his wife, but the canonicity is debatable), but considering that his youngest daughter’s greatest passion is learning about the surface world… yeah. Needless to say, they have issues between them. But he is otherwise loving and was even excited that Ariel may have found love until he found out about their species. With how overprotective he is, that was a nice subversion despite how brief it was.

Triton often gets the ‘abusive’ label thrown against him and while I do think that that’s a little too strong, there is no denying that his hatred and anger affects Ariel emotionally. He may have seen destroying Ariel’s grotto as for her own good and is likely the culmination of however long Ariel’s been going to the surface finally boiling over. But to do this right in front of her when she is begging him to stop and outright ridiculing her for saving Eric’s life… yeah. It’s… it’s a horrifying scene that does NOT make Triton look good and is what pushes Ariel into seeing Ursula. It doesn’t matter the reason, destroying your children’s things is something that WILL scar them emotionally. To be far, the moment Ariel breaks down Triton clearly realizes that he crossed the line, but he just leaves because… yeah there was NO WAY that they were reaching a reconciliation at that moment.

Triton has a lot of issues, but the reason I don’t call him abusive and like him as a character is because after the grotto scene, he was clearly remorseful. After Ariel goes missing, he outright says ‘What have I done?” and his demeanor expresses a lot of remorse. If that wasn’t enough, I think that him both selling his soul to free Ariel AND turning her human after realizing how much she loved Eric more than showed that he has learned his lesson. Triton had to learn to allow Ariel to grow up and choose her own direction in life, even if he didn’t like said direction. It’s very relatable to how some parents struggle to let go of their children as they grow up. My only real complaint is, as I said, we don’t know why Triton hates humans so much. If we did and saw him work through it, it may have helped us understand why he was so against Ariel’s passions and not come off as needlessly cruel as he did. Nevertheless, he realized his wrongs and made it right. His hug with Ariel at the end is one that gets me every time.

The sidekicks of the film are Flounder, Scuttle, and Sebastian. IDK why they named Flounder Flounder because he isn’t… well, a flounder. He looks like some kind of tropical fish. Flounder is kind of the kid appeal character, even being voiced by a child in all incarnations except Return to the Sea since he had grown up. He is Ariel’s best friend who goes with her on her adventures, despite almost always being easily frightened. He’s well-meaning, but can cause more trouble like when he accidentally exposed Ariel’s excursion during the concert. But he’s also a sweet little guy and very loyal to Ariel. The kid outright went out of his way to somehow recover the Eric statue, which is ten times his size, and deliver it to her grotto to make her happy. That is friendship. He doesn’t really develop, but he’s a nice supporting character.

Scuttle is… well, dumb. But a fun dumb. He’s a surface creature and thus has more knowledge about surface world items than Ariel does… except he doesn’t. He’s not smart, but they manage to keep him entertaining because he’s so sure that he knows what he’s talking about. Imo, dinglehoppers are a MUCH better name for forks than forks, dang it! He tries to help, like it was his idea to try the serenade during the canoe ride… too bad that he can’t hold a note. Poor bird tried. They also DO allow him to be useful at the end, discovering that Ursula had tricked Eric and he amassed one heck of an army to humiliate her long enough for Ariel to reach the ship. It is one of the funniest AND most awesome moments in the whole film. Scuttle is just fun comedic relief who doesn’t overstay his welcome and his VA Buddy Hackett did such a great job~

But if there’s any character aside from Ariel that we remember from this film, it’s Sebastian. This Jamaican crab is the royal musical conductor and Triton’s advisor. He’s often the one who has to watch over Ariel, which clearly frustrates him on multiple occasions. Tbh, Sebastian probably has the most character development in the film. In the beginning, while understandably upset that Ariel being a no-show ruined his conducting debut (though tbf… NO ONE bothered to make sure she was in place? Really?), he’s mainly upset that /he/ looked bad. After the storm, he’s more concerned about getting into trouble with Triton than about Ariel herself. He knows how much the human world means to her, and while one can argue that Ariel /should/ be more aware of how her actions affect others, Sebastian isn’t much better. He only discourages her to save his own shell, not for her own good. Which eventually leads to him breaking and exposing what happened during the storm when he should know damn well that Triton will explode. Yeah it was because he misunderstood, but still.

However, Sebastian isn’t a bad crab. After the grotto's destruction, he immediately feels guilty and tries to apologize to Ariel, but she angrily dismisses him. He tries to convince Ariel to not go to Ursula, but as she’s still upset she bitterly brushes him off and tells him to get her father since he’s good at that. He therefore follows with only Flounder and at first, panics after Ariel is human. It’s understandable because… yeah, that’s bad. His first reaction is to get Triton to fix this, with Ariel trying to stop him. Once he sees the heartbroken look on her face, Sebastian realizes just how miserable Ariel would be back home. At this point, it's reasonable to assume that Triton will only be stricter about letting her have her ventures, and thus she’d be stuck in an unhappy life. This, along with the situation at least being partially his fault, convinces Sebastian to hold off and help Ariel win Eric over. Which he certainly tries his best. 

One of my favorite scenes is Ariel going to bed and being so excited to experience these new things as Sebastian tries to advise her on getting Eric to kiss her. But he stops when he sees that Ariel has fallen asleep with the biggest smile on her face, and he just affectionately calls her a ‘hopeless child’. The affection in his expressions and Samuel E Wright’s delivery is just so sincere and it really shows that for all his bluster, Sebastian does care for Ariel. The crab is also a seriously talented conductor. Like I said, he put together both Under the Sea AND Kiss the Girl in zero time and they’re both amazing numbers because of it. He really tries hard to help Ariel and once Ursula strikes again, he decides it’s finally been long enough and gets King Triton. Sure that doesn’t go well, but at that point it was absolutely the right call. He also helps fight off Flotsam and Jetsam, willing to put himself in harm’s way to help both Ariel and Eric. 

Sebastian became a much more understanding, more selfless crab over the course of the film, realizing that he needs to care less about saving his own skin and to understand why Ariel does what she does. It’s especially notable at the end. In the beginning, he advised Triton to keep a firm grip on Ariel when he asks if he was too harsh. At the end? He advises him that children have to be free to lead their own lives, which is what convinces Triton to grant Ariel legs. It’s a really nice character arc and this along with Sebastian’s two spectacular musical numbers leaves no question as to why he’s so beloved.

But what’s a great film without a great villain? For that we get one of the best, Ursula the Sea Witch. She is a fantastic villainess. She’s a large octopus woman who used to work in the palace, but for reasons unknown got banished. In early versions, she was going to be Triton’s sister which would have added a VERY twisted dynamic to the whole thing. Maybe that’s where they got the idea for Scar in The Lion King… anyways! Her design was based on Drag Queen Divine who was also going to be the VA for Ursula, but she sadly passed away of an enlarged heart before any recording to be done. After going through various performers, the production staff settled on actress Pat Carroll, who did a spectacular job. You can just tell that she is loving every single second of this role, and she has always happily returned whenever they need new Ursula material like in House of Mouse or in the parks. Just listen as she goes off the chain in Poor Unfortunate Souls that is some amazing acting.

Ursula is confident, manipulative, and a true actress. Her entire gimmick is manipulating vulnerable, insecure people into making deals with her. Deals that are pretty much impossible to keep and thus, she claims them as hers and adds them to her ‘garden’. She targets Ariel specifically because of her passion for the surface world and since she likely knows of Triton’s hatred for it AND of his anger problems, she’s just waiting for the day he screws up and Ariel is vulnerable. I’m gonna go MUCH more in depth with this when we get to Ariel, but this is SO important to note. Ursula struck when Ariel was hurt, emotional, and not thinking straight. It shows just how manipulative she can be. This is who she preys on. She knows how to sway them to act how she wants them to. She’s a saleswoman, and BOY does she sell it. It doesn't help that she gives Ariel very little personal space and manipulates her feelings for Eric to be further swayed. Yet Ariel is the stupid one because she was manipulated by a master manipulator… patience Callie, you’re gonna be able to let it out soon enough…

Ursula works so well as a villain because of how smart and manipulative she is. Like I said, she knows how to prey on the vulnerable and insecure. But she also knows when to get herself involved. After Ariel almost kisses Eric on the second day, Ursula disguises herself and uses Ariel’s voice to hypnotize Eric. And even though Scuttle and his undersea army humiliate her and Ariel gets her voice back, she bought just enough time for the sun to set and the spell breaks. Ursula won. She captured Ariel, forced Triton to sell himself to save his daughter, and claimed ultimate power. It was a truly methodical plan that ultimately succeeded. You gotta give her props for that.

Don’t make any mistakes though. While Ursula is intelligent and confident, she /is/ still evil. I’ve seen people say that she should have won just because they don’t like the ‘abusive tyrant’ Triton. Aside from what I already said about Triton above, Ursula is shown to be far, FAR worse. I mean… I hate to use the term, but she essentially s***-shames Ariel throughout Poor Unfortunate Souls. I mean she outright calls her a ‘little tramp’ after the canoe scene, which in this context is a G-Rated way of calling her a s***. To a sixteen year old. Yeah… plus we saw how power-mad she went once she got the triton, and it didn’t bode well for either land or sea. Triton’s temperamental, but he isn’t a tyrant. Ursula’s only redeeming trait is that she DOES care for her henchmen Flotsam and Jetsam, and their death at Ariel’s hand is what provoked her to go mad with power. This was ultimately her undoing as she was so focused on tormenting Ariel that it allowed Eric to take his ship and kill her. It’s a pretty gruesome Disney Villain Death (we outright see her SKELETON FLASHING at one point), but she brought it upon herself.

If you asked me what villain helped shape many of the ones we got during the Renaissance… I’d say Professor Ratigan from The Great Mouse Detective. But Ursula was the first Renaissance villain, and she started it off right. She’s enjoyable enough that we love it when she’s on screen, but still detestable enough that we want her to lose. Many complain about doing ‘purely evil’ villains. That villains HAVE to be sympathetic or nuanced, otherwise they are poorly written. While there’s nothing wrong with sympathetic, or even redeemable villains, having a purely evil one is also perfectly fine. Disney is the master of this. Ursula’s motivation is strictly to gain power, but it works because they give her character so much personality and charisma. Petty motivation, but excellent character writing that makes us not mind. I’d say if you want to learn how to do a Pure Evil character right, study Ursula in particular along with Jafar and Hades. They’re all great examples of how to do it right.

Finally we come to our leading man, Prince Eric. So far the Disney Princes have acted more as a necessity than anything. It’s as I said in the Sleeping Beauty Review, Florian and Charming fill out a plot point and while he was more proactive in comparison, Phillip fell into the same trap. Did Eric finally break the curse? Well… yes and no. He's a firm middle ground between ‘necessity’ and ‘actual character’. He’s allowed FAR more than any of the other princes thus far. Eric is a seasman, he loves going out on the ocean in his ships. He’s adventurous, good-looking, and an overall nice guy. We see that he isn’t really into fancy stuff, outright cringing when Grimsby unveils the statue. He also isn’t interested in Grimsby trying to set him up with various noble women. Like Jasmine and to a degree Prince Charming, he wants to find love for love, but on his own time. These are the traits that attract Ariel to him. Plus he’s also heroic, going back to a BURNING SHIP in order to save his dog Max… yeah I’d fall in love with him too.

After Ariel saves him, Eric becomes determined to find her. But he only briefly saw her face and heard her voice. Funny how NO ONE gets on Eric for this while hating on Ariel, but again we’ll get to that soon enough. When he meets Ariel he recognizes her face… but since she can’t talk, assumes that she can’t be the mystery girl. Still, being a good person, he takes her back to the palace to give her shelter. It’s not long before he becomes endeared by her though. She’s pretty, sweet, and even though she can’t talk he has a good time showing her around the kingdom. It's so clear by /Kiss the Girl/ that he has fallen for her, to the point that even Grimsby points it out to him. It gets him to give up on the mystery girl which is VERY important. It shows us that Eric didn’t fall for Ariel because she happened to be the girl he was looking for, but because of who she is as a person. It shows the audience that his feelings are genuine which makes us further root for him and Ariel… too bad that Ursula goes and ruins it.

As far as personality goes, Eric is more fun than his predecessors, but he’s still stuck with the standard prince-like personality. He’s given more lines than all of them combined and has a real charm to him. You can see why Ariel would like a guy like him. He’s kind, fun, adventurous, and even a little rebellious. He is her ideal vision of what humans are like. The end of the film lets him prove himself as well, going out to help Ariel despite the danger and of course using his own ship to kill Ursula. It does cause Ariel to be a bit of a Damsel in Distress, but she DID save him much earlier and she stops Ursula from blasting him to smithereens, so it balances out. It was enough to prove himself to Triton, at least. So Eric is a nice step up as far as princes go, but we’re not quite out of the well with them yet. But it won’t be much longer, heehee XD

There’s other supporting characters that I really don't have much to say about. Ariel’s sisters are nicely designed, but ultimately bland. I think the series and Ariel’s Beginning did more with them, but otherwise there’s not anything to discuss. Grimsby is fine enough, being the closest thing that Eric has to a parental figure (where ARE Eric’s parents in all of this anyways?) and is stuffy, but otherwise a decent guy. Chef Louie is… crazy. That’s all that I can say. This film has a lot of characters, let’s put it that way. But of course, we have one more to go over. The titular little mermaid herself. I’ve been hinting at this throughout the review, so I think you all know exactly how this will go…

Ariel Analysis

I cannot stress enough how massive a step Ariel was for the Disney Princess line. As much as I have defended the Classic Three and standby all of that, there is certainly some repetition going one with them. All three are beautiful, passive, and can’t directly do much to accomplish their dreams. And at least two of them are dreaming mainly about a man, which is NOT a bad thing, but it was certainly getting old. Feminism has also been evolving since 1959, the last time a Disney Princess film came out. A lot had changed in those thirty years. Women in media could now be more proactive, take matters into their own hands, and have their own hopes and dreams that weren’t just about love while still being allowed to find love. Simply put, as much as I love Snow White, Cinderella, and Aurora, the times had changed and it was time for Disney to get with those times. Thus we got Ariel, and she was exactly the right princess to take the line into a whole new direction.

The beginning of the film is a pretty clever way to set her up. The Classic Three are known for being angelic singers, and for good reason. It’s pretty much the first thing they do when we meet them (well, as an adult in Aurora’s case) so the concert sets this up. It’s Ariel’s ‘debut” and her sisters all have the looks and angelic voices that fit the archetypal Disney Princess. But then the shell opens up… and is empty. Then we cut to Ariel, who is about to go inside a sunken ship to look for surface world artifacts. It is an excellent subversion, setting up a Classic Princess move and flipping it on it’s head. It’s shown very quickly that Ariel is adventurous and actively seeking out her dreams despite her situation instead of trying to just make do with the way things were and hoping for the best. We also get a fun sequence of her and Flounder escaping a shark, so first time a Princess got an action scene as well.

The film very quickly establishes Ariel’s love and fascination with the surface world. Exploring sunken ships, going to Scuttle to get more information, later we see her grotto that is filled with so many items that we would consider standard, but that she considers treasures. These mean so much to her. She finds the surface world ‘wonderful’. But there are setbacks and consequences for her actions, in this case her forgetting about the concert. She didn't mean to and feels bad about it, and Flounder mentioning the reason why didn’t help. It’s clear that Ariel and Triton have been arguing about this for a long time, the latter failing to understand how much this means to Ariel and is at his wit’s end. His demands for her to stop upset her, causing her to storm out of the throne room and head for her grotto.

This leads to Part of Your World. This song/sequence is vital to understand Ariel’s character. This is the song where she expresses all her hopes and dreams. How she wants to be human. How she wants to learn more about the surface world. How she wants to experience things like walking down a street or finding out how a fire can burn. Throughout the film, we never learn how Ariel got so interested in human culture and just why she’s so passionate about it. But we really don’t need an in-depth explanation because this song conveys so much sincerity and emotion that it makes us believe in her passion. We understand how much this matters to her, and in turn it makes it matter to us. It’s why if it had gotten removed, it would have robbed Ariel of this depth and in turn, rob the film of something essential to its story. Thank God it remained intact.

This is a good time to talk about Ariel’s voice actress, Jodi Benson. Having originally been in Howard Ashman’s failed musical Smile, she was brought in originally as Ariel’s singing voice before being promoted to also doing the speaking the lines. This was not only her voice acting debut, but as far as I can tell her film debut as well. She did such a lovely job in the role. She perfectly conveys Ariel’s passion, drive, and sincerity while still coming off as a sixteen year old girl. Her singing voice has been rightfully praised, and to this day Ariel is often considered the best singer among the princesses. Benson has gone on to do other voice roles such as Barbie in the Toy Story films, Patsy and Ms. Doe in Camp Lazlo, and Aquagirl in Batman Beyond. She has continued to reprise Ariel to this day when needed and has always expressed so much love and gratitude for the film and her part in it, She’s also supported others who have done the role like Auli’i Cravallho (aka Moana) for the ABC Musical and Halle Bailey for the upcoming live-action remake. She’s a lovely woman and may she continue to do well~

Going back to the film, Ariel finds herself at a ship and this is where she sees Eric for the first time. It’s love at first sight. Of the Renaissance Era Princesses, Ariel is the one who gets the ‘love at first sight’ critique levied at her the most. Belle and Mulan of course didn’t have that issue and I usually see Jasmine and Pocahontas be given a free pass in this regard. Now of the five, The Little Mermaid IS the most blatant with the trope, but let’s look at it through Ariel’s POV. This is the first time that she’s seen so many humans up close. Eric is around her age (to my knowledge, at least. His VA was 16 at the time IIRC). It is very quickly established that Eric is jovial, uninterested in things like statues in his image, rebellious as he has rejected all the women Grimsby has arranged him with, and wants to find love for himself. He has many of the traits that Ariel herself has, being a rebellious, free-spirit teen herself. But most of all he is heroic, as demonstrated when he goes back to his burning ship to save his dog.

In other words, Eric is Ariel’s ideal vision of what people are like. She saves him from drowning, the first time that a Princess has saved her Prince, and is able to look at him more closely. She is clearly infatuated and seeing this man, this good-hearted, handsome young man who is everything that she ever dreamed of. This is what pushes her from just dreaming about being human to swearing that somehow she /will/ be human. Yes, she gets motivated by love, but the goal was there before this moment. It just became a solidified goal. One that she is going to make a reality someway, somehow. She even notes in the Part of Your World Reprise that she doesn’t know when or how, but it doesn’t matter. Compared to how fleeting her hopes were in the main song, the reprise is so much more triumphant and determined and continues to show just how important this truly is to Ariel.

Sadly however she still has one obstacle in between her and her dream; her father. The next day she is so happy and lovesick and it’s really cute, but Sebastian knows that this is going to cause major issues with her father. His big Under the Sea plea goes ignored, and Ariel is led to her grotto by Flounder, who has brought her the Eric statue. She’s so happy and acting like… well, a teenager in love. But unfortunately due to Sebastian jumping the gun, Triton finds out and he is enraged. Not only is he angry that Ariel again went to the surface, but she both saved and fell in love with a human. Thus we get the dark scene of Triton, in his rage, destroying the grotto. Every item, treasure, and relic that Ariel has gathered for who knows how long has become nothing but a pile of dust. Including the statue of the man she loves. 

Say what you want about ‘love at first sight’ or Ariel being a lovesick dummy, but this is outright traumatizing. This sixteen year old girl, a girl who aside from forgetting a few engagements has done nothing wrong, had all of her hopes and dreams shattered by her own father all because of his own blind hatred. Imagine being a teenager and your parents destroying everything you love all because they hated something that you loved. Even if Triton regretted it, it doesn’t change the pain that he inflicted upon his own daughter as she breaks down. She’s so upset that she rejects Sebastian trying to apologize and just tells him and Flounder to go away. They comply, leaving Ariel to cry in her now bare grotto… that is, until Flotsam and Jetsam appear.

So.. let’s now talk about Ariel going to Ursula and accepting the deal. First, her going in the first place. When Flotsam and Jetsam bring Ursula up, Ariel… /refuses/ to go. She is aware that Ursula is bad news. She had no intention of going to her at first and outright tells the eels to leave. What makes her agree? The two knocking the remains of the Eric statue in front of her. At this point, Ariel’s pretty much been rejected by her father and all of her treasures that kept her seabound are gone, so… what’s she got left to lose? She follows and naturally Sebastian tries to stop her, but she just angrily tells him to get her father since he’s good at that.

Ariel enters Ursula’s domain, and we come to the scene. Ursula declares to have changed, demonstrates her power, and offers Ariel the deal to become human for three days and it’ll be permanent if Eric kisses her. If Ariel fails, she not only becomes a mermaid again, but she belongs to Ursula. She also has to give up her voice as payment. Now we all know the big criticism against this, that being Ariel selling her voice and leaving behind her family and all that she ever knew and loved… for some prince that she hasn’t even really met yet, let alone spoken to. Now do I see why people dislike this? Yes. It’s a very rash, very stupid decision not just for those factors, but the fact that Ariel is essentially selling herself to the devil for this one thing. None of this is a good thing… but here is the big question, does the film do enough that this makes sense for Ariel’s character? Is this something that I can see her doing?

Yes, yes I can.

Let’s look at this piece by piece. First, Ariel is clearly uncomfortable the entire time that she is in Ursula’s lair. Ursula continuously gets into her personal space, laying on the manipulation at every step. When she lays out the deal, Ariel is at first hesitant. She herself brings up that if she takes it, she’ll likely never see her family again. She’s also hesitant when Ursula lays out the terms of payment, not just because she has no idea how she’d woo Eric without it, but just the concept of losing her voice clearly unnerves her. Look at her face when she grabs at her own throat, she is NOT okay with this. Even when Ursula begins to create the brew and poof sup the contract, Ariel isn’t excited or just jumps to it without thinking. She is VERY CLEARLY hesitant and unnerved about everything. 

So… why does she do it then? Well remember, she’s still emotional after her confrontation with her father. Her father has rejected her in her eyes and destroyed everything that she had worked for. At this point, her dreams and feelings for Eric are all that she has. She is hurt, emotional, and desperate and when we are hurt, emotional, and desperate we tend to make rash, even outright stupid decisions. Especially when we’re teenagers. Ursula waited to strike at this very moment for this exact reason; so that Ariel wouldn’t be thinking rationally.  These are the exact kind of people that Ursula preys on, and as I said above, she knows how to manipulate them to act how she wants. She gives Ariel the offer of her dreams, assures her that she can woo Eric without talking, poofs Eric’s image up at one point, and makes it clear that she’s giving her very little time to think it over. 

With absolutely nothing left to lose and it being clear that her father will never support her dreams, Ariel reluctantly signs the contract. She outright turns her head away when she signs. She KNOWS that she’s making a big choice and she isn’t 100% okay with it. She didn’t just give up her life callously for a man like some like to make out. It was a rash choice, but she had reluctance and fears about it. But it’s the only chance she’ll get to get her dream of being human and being happy, which is what ultimately drives her to make her choice. Given how she risked her life already against a shark, this is in-character for her and shows how far she’ll go for her dreams. And as we’ll see, this is going to have consequences as we near the end of the film.

So the deal is made. Ariel loses her voice and is transformed into a human. Once she makes it to shore, she gets to see her new legs, and for the first time since the confrontation, is happy. She has legs. She is human. The one thing that she had wanted for so, so long has finally come true. Naturally Sebastian wants to get Triton, but she stops him and gives him the saddest, most pleading look that I think I’ve ever seen. This is Ariel’s one and only chance to get what she dreamed of. Triton would not only stop her, but considering what happened before, who knows what else he’d do if he saw her as a human. It is 10% understandable why Ariel doesn't want him involved, especially once it would just lead her back to a life of misery. Sebastian realizes this and agrees to help her, which pretty much gets her to forgive him for what happened before.

Thus, we get to the first true meeting between Ariel and Eric. Of course, Ariel can’t explain who she is because of her voice being gone, so Eric assumes that she can’t be the same girl he saw despite her looking like her. But he sees her in the makeshift dress that Scuttle got her into and assumes that she’s shipwrecked, especially since she can’t walk well. So he takes her to the palace, and Ariel is able to get refreshed and get used to walking on legs. She is clearly delighted by everything. She is now part of the world that she longed for,, and she is loving every second of it. Sure she quickly finds out that forks aren’t combs, but hey she’s learning exactly what she wanted to learn. She is in utter bliss throughout the two days that she’s on the surface, doing thinks like learn to dance and ride a horse-drawn carriage. It’s all she ever hopes it would be.

But of course, Ariel still needs to get Eric to kiss her, or all of her dreams will end. She almost makes it with Kiss the Girl, which despite not being able to talk she made it pretty clear that she was willing and ready for Eric to kiss her. Ursula ruins that, but Ariel HAS endeared herself to Eric and he even prepares to go to her after giving up on the mystery mermaid. But of course, Ursula disguises herself as Vanessa via Ariel’s voice and hypnotizes Eric into marrying her. It’s sad because when Scuttle informs her of the proposal, Ariel is elated. She runs down the stairs, excited and gleeful… then she sees Eric and Vanessa, and you can see her heart break in two. It especially hits hard as she watches the ship take off, broken-hearted. She’s lost the man she loves, in moments she will be a mermaid again, and she will belong to Ursula fair and square. She pursued her dream, and it all seemed for naught.

But once Scuttle finds out about Ursula, Ariel quickly springs into action. With her friend's help, she reaches the ship just as Ursula’s necklace gets broken. This is a nitpick but I don’t like how Ariel ultimately wasn’t very active in helping rescuer Eric. Tbf IDK what she could have done, but I’d have liked to see her stand against Ursula before things go downhill. Otherwise it feels like this and the other events after… kind if feel handed to her by convenience and luck. But regardless she gets her voice back… but she fails to kiss Eric before the sun sets. That’s right folks, the so-called selfish, stupid deal that Ariel made? She failed to uphold it. She reverts to a Mermaid and now belongs to Ursula, and Triton can’t break it as it’s legally binding. So even if you DO think that Ariel made a bad choice, the film shows that yes, it WAS bad and she is now paying the consequences. Sure Triton sacrifices himself to take her place, but that still means that Ursula not only gets power, but her father is now a husk.

Ariel is enraged at this. Despite everything, I don’t think there’s any doubt that Ariel still loves her daddy. She was reluctant about never seeing him again before, and now seeing how her deal has lead to his fate upsets her. One big issue with Ariel is how… well, the film doesn’t make it clear that Ariel grew or learned anything. Sure there are consequences to her actions, but we don’t see her ponder over them. This is the closest we get to her showing regret as she tries to apologize to Triton and outright attacks Ursula for what she did to him. But she doesn’t express true regret for her actions. She doesn’t have a true reconciliation with her father so that the two can reach a resolution. I guess we can blame timing since we’re in the final ten or so minutes here, but it makes the end feel… convenient.

Eric saves Ariel from getting blasted by Ursula, and she manages to save him from Flotst and Jetsam. How? Bu yanking Ursula back and causing her to kill her own minions. Sure it’s not the Big Bad, but again Ariel marks a First in Disney Princess History by indirectly killing a villain. This provokes Ursula to go kaiju and essentially torment Ariel, who is unable to do anything at this point as she’s caught in a raging whirlpool. While one CAN say she’s a Damsel-in-Distress here (hence why I suggested Ariel should have gotten to do more in the wedding crash), she HAS saved Eric twice now. Plus by allowing Eric to kill Ursula, he essentially proves his worth by saving both the ocean AND the surface, and it contributes to Triton’s ultimate decision.

So yeah, Ursula dies, Triton corrects his wrongs by making Ariel human, and Ariel and Eric can live happily ever after. As I said, it /does/ kind of hurt Ariel’s character as she doesn’t really learn a lesson and it feels like she got incredibly lucky at the end. But at the same time Ariel is still a good character, and she marks a LOT of progression for the Disney Princess line. Sure she is a little selfish (though she usually means no harm), but she’s also someone who actively goes after her dreams. She doesn’t have to wait for it, nor does it center on love. Sure Eric is the catalyst, but that’s it. A catalyst. She’s allowed to rescue her prince. She’s allowed to fight against the villain. Sure she’s still emotional, falls in love, and needs her friends help. But she is also a very proactive, curious, and ambitious girl. Her dream was by far the most impossible of the Princesses thus far, but she still managed to achieve it.

Ariel is divisive, and I get why. The film DOES have some narrative problems (minor, but still) and I get why Ariel may rub some the wrong way. Me personally? I love her. She was a refreshing breath of air in the Princess line. She’s different from the Classic Three. She’s a bit more bratty and far less classy, but she also feels the most like a teenager and she follows her dreams in a very different manner. She’s still a good-hearted person, but she’s a flawed person. That’s what I love about her, she’s imperfect. Could more have been done to develop her? Maybe. But her flaws aren’t so bad that she’s a bad character or unlikeable. Her actions make sense and stay true to her character. I understand why she does what she does. I care for her because I see the sincerity in her. I relate to her longing for something that seems out of reach. And while it was nowhere near as conflicted, I know what it’s like to be in conflict with my father who loved me, but never truly understood who I was. But I loved him, he loved me, he ultimately would have let me lead the life I wanted, and in the end that’s what matters. It’s why Ariel and Triton at the wedding always makes me cry. Yeah, watching this two years after my dad passed… really hit hard.

The point is, I cared about Ariel. I related to Ariel. I did when I was a child, and I still do as an adult. Anyone who loves something or someone despite everyone around you not understanding or being against it I think can relate to Ariel and her position. Plus again, she set forward a new direction for the Disney Princesses. It’s a precedent that stands strong to this day. I’ve done my best to shed light onto Ariel, but it won’t convince everyone. If you hate her, fine. I can’t change your mind and tour free to make all the arguments you want. But I’m allowed to stand by my argument, and I am. Ariel is one of my favorites. She inspires kids to follow their curiosity and their ambitions. It teachers parents to accept their children and who/what they love, and to let them go forward in their lives. One can even argue that her film teaches kids to be careful when emotional to avoid the mistakes that she made, but still achieve a happy ending as well. Either way, I think that the hate against this little mermaid is far too harsh and it ALWAYS centers on the deal without taking anything else into account. It’s time we change that.

Final Thoughts

I love this film. The animation is lovely, the music fantastic, and despite a few issues here and there the story is sound. I don’t remember when I first saw it (it came out four years before I was born so not then), but I’ve loved it since that first time. I’m pretty sure I love the ocean and mermaids in general because of this film. Sure it diverts a good deal from the original Hans Christian Anderson story, but honestly? As someone who found that story unnecessarily cruel? I will take this version any day (no offense to those who like the original story, this is just me talking). It is a masterpiece that changed the game for Disney, for animation, and for the Disney Princesses. Ariel was very much a huge inspiration for many of her successors, and I am grateful for all that this little mermaid did.

Upon its release, Disney was FINALLY able to step into the light after spending over 20 years stuck in the dark. The film was a monumental success. The biggest success that Feature Animation had had since Walt’s days. They also finally beat Don Bluth, winning in the box office over All Dogs Go to Heaven, and returned to the top of the animation world. The Disney Renaissance had officially begun, and it wasn’t even close to slowing down. Just two years later, another Disney Princess film would be released. One that would achieve greatness, but also face great tragedy. So come and be our guest as when we return, we discuss a tale as old as time with 1991’s Beauty and the Beast.

Image Sources: Disney Wiki, Animation Screencaps Other Sources: The Making of The Little Mermaid: Treasures Untold

[adcres]

         howdy hey , pardnerrrs :> i’m rox ( she / her ) ‘n i’ll be playing yr residential sullen broodin’ boy , nico . i didn’t have the time to write out a whole new intro , given that i have back to back classes again today :-’( , so please forgive me for recycling his old intro akawodkgrsd ; . that being said , i did tweak around some tingz and i updated his wcs for him , so if yr down to clown around just hmu on my discord :   𝔰𝔴𝔢𝔢𝔱 𝔦𝔫𝔰𝔬𝔪𝔫𝔦𝔞#2854 !  okie okie , i’ll shut da eff up now ♡ 

BASICS.

༉‧₊˚✧ kim taehyung , cis man , he / him / his — did you see that nicholas “nico” yoon was trending last night ? the twenty three year old street artist has been getting a lot of press lately . i think it’s due to them being so + quixotic & + free-spirited , but i always thought they seemed - withdrawn & - sybaritic . their fans always say they remind them of soft smoke rings spun in a dreamy haze , silver-ringed fingers rapping against polished oak , and waning light refracting against broken glass though . i wonder if they’ve found out about REDACTED yet … i guess we’ll have to wait and see . [ rox , 22 , pst , she / her , none ]

PINTEREST & PLAYLIST .

01 and 02 .

PERSONALITY .

at first glance , nico reads as this aloof , arrogant type that doesn’t like to associate w the common public . always keeping the majority of people at a comfortable distance , nico moves almost exclusively within his own social network , and doesn’t like to deviate from what he knows best .  

not so much pretentious as he is lazy , making an effort to socialize with complete strangers is simply something that nico would never do . hehe ... he’s kind of shy like that .... ♡ though he’d literally never admit it ♡

despite giving the impression that he’s some intimidating and chronically indifferent kind of guy , nico is genuinely a sweet boy — ‏‏‎ one who’s in a constant state of confusion as to why people seem to be so scared of him . it always comes as a shock when close friends of his admit that they thought he absolutely hated their guts when they first met him .

b/c tho he’s p smart , nico is very oblivious at times , and he’s 100% the kind of guy who’ll walk away from a conversation thinking he did a rly rly good job trying to make a friend ... when in reality he prob said four words in the span of thirty minutes smh .

overall , nico’s a private person , especially with what he’s thinking ... and it’s really hard to get a clear read on what’s on his mind . sharing his feelings has never been one of nico’s interests b/c he just genuinely doesn’t think whatever he has to say is rly worth mentioning . so he usually just shuts da fuck up n lets other ppl talk so he can mentally gain the strength to continue socializing .

push nico’s buttons enough tho ‘n you’ll catch this mf speaking in full sentences .

lastly , it should b noted that nico is a romantic through n through ... this mf probably d*ed in the victorian era ‘n got reincarnated b/c he’s got that ‘ lets share furtive glances across the room but never say a thing to each other  ‘ thing on lock . mr. darcy headass

and while nico might play the role of long-suffering , ever pining lover to a T , he’s more in love w / the idea of love than he is w / any single person . and he literally cannot hold down a relationship w/o fucking it up for himself in some shape or form .

kind of sarcastic ... v much the teasing type .... 

can b very impulsive at times , loves to go on solo adventures at night , prefers his own company tbh ...

overview : melancholic , reticent , noncommittal , humble , mild-mannered , romantic .

a mix of : josh from clueless and j.d. from heathers

more here .

MORE AESTHETICS.

the chill of silver jewelry against flushed skin , forgotten graffiti on porcelain sinks , flickering motel lights , kisses sticky with vodka , eyes ringed with lavender , sleepless nights surrendered to the dull buzz of television , obscure art house films , sun-kissed cheeks , the surprise of summer rain , chest aching with lost loves , scattered baby’s breath and rosemary , and a shared smile between perfect strangers .

CHARACTER DISSERTATION.

nico was born on a brisk wintry morning in the fashion district of los angeles ( january 21st , 1997 ) to a family of six .

as the second youngest child , and the only male son to boot , nico grew up with his only inheritance being a generational kind of hunger , one that demanded for more than what his struggling parents could offer

the arts stole nico at an early age ... ushering him into a world of creation and freedom beyond the four bleak walls he daily occupied . from spending lonely summers tucked away in some forgotten corner in the library to practicing on a borrowed violin from dawn to dusk , nico knew that even with nothing at his disposal , there was always something to be made w/ the tools he’d been given  

despite not having the money for private tutors to hone their son’s growing artistic talents , his parents did whatever they could to support his dreams , whether that meant working double shifts back to back or scrounging for loose change underneath the sofa cushions to pay for whatever materials nico needed .

it was in this strange way that nico grew up p spoiled . somehow having nothing while also having absolutely everything at the same time .

very much a family man , the first big purchase nico made once he broke out in hollywood was a house in beverly hills for his parents . now that he’s finally at a place where he can take care of his family , nico makes sure that his parents and sisters want for nothing

while he showers everyone else with generous gifts and obscene amounts of money , nico doesn’t particularly feel comfortable doing the same for himself . he’s a simple man through n through . one who’s content to spend his time walking his dog late at night , listening to a podcast on his airpods , instead of going out to a club w/ other well-known socialites .

a true artist at heart , nico refuses to conform to the current trends of hollywood , instead insisting on wearing thrifted clothes to important galas — ‏‏‎much to the frustration of his PR team and the chagrin of his stylists . but none of the choices nico makes seems to surprise anyone anymore . driving flashy cars and wearing designer clothes has never really been his style , after all . and it’s important to him that he remain authentically himself despite everything .

WANTED CONNECTS.

pr relationship ( open ) : someone that nico is contractually obligated to date ... i could totally see there being drama ‘n tension from having to pretend to actually like each other ... would b better if they rly did not like each other at all ... 

fwb ( open ) : buddies who bump uglies sometimes ... they both agreed they’d never catch feelings for each other but we’ll see ... 

frenemies ( open ) : someone that grinds nico’s gears but they’re a friend of his friend ... so they’re forced to keep it civil . i can see them exchanging hateful comments in the back of their friend’s car while simultaneously posting pics of each other on ig to keep up the rouse . 

unrequited crush ( open ) : likely nico would not realize if yr muse had a crush on them ... but it’d be fun to play it out like a kdrama anyway heh heh

a close friend group ( open / any ) : i thought it’d b so cute if there was like a small group of friends , maybe 3-4 ppl , that do stupid shit like ditch going to celebrity after-parties to break into abandoned buildings , get real high , ask stupid ‘ would u rather ‘ questions , and do sum main character type shit ... yk what im puttin down ... ‘n nico is def the type to open up in the presence of extroverts so i think having a group of wild outsiders of diff bgs would b v inch resting ..

enemies / rivals ( open / any ) : tbh nico prob rubs ppl the wrong way since he has resting bitch face ‘n never wants to talk to anyone .. so im sure there r ppl who just do not like this mf ... and rest assured that the feeling is mutual ...

bad / good influence ( open / any ) : nico’s known to mount his high horse often ... mr morality over here ... so i just know he prob would butt heads w/ the residential troublemaker . tho nico’s artwork can be controversial and out of the box at times , his art style and his personality are at constant odds , and it’d b interesting to have that bad influence / good influence dynamic w/ someone .

family friend ( open ) : someone who grew up w/ nico in dtla ... couldve gone to the same public school as him ... or their families couldve gone to the same church ...

ok my intro post has become a fucking behemoth so im going to stop here ‘n just say i have so many more wcs in mind so if u wanna plot lets just talk hehe :>

[a-little-slice-of-fandom]

what is the difference between the student run and current versions of six?

Hi anon! I’m sorry this took so long. A-levels happened!

So firstly I don’t think it’s as easy as saying “what’s the difference between the student run and the current version of six” because not only was there a run between the student cast and the current productions in the form of the studio cast, but even current productions have had their scripts tweaked and reworked over the course of the past year. The original six tour has a different script to the current west end run, even though the west end run is a direct continuation of the tour. Furthermore, there’s also the issues of external and internal factors which have influenced the show and prompted the changes between scripts, such as reviews from critics/general audiences, bigger budgets and production values, current affairs etc which have shaped the show as a whole. However, the changes between these runs truly fascinate me and I love seeing how Six continues to evolve and grow as a show, as well as seeing how the queens characters have been developed and refined by Toby and Lucy. I’m not a massive theatre fan, I prefer literature, so to see a show that evolves with every passing day rather than remaining as one static entity is really a treat. It’s almost like we’re seeing lots of different drafts, and that’s something I love. And I’ll try my best to summarize it all!

Plot:

The overall plot of Six remained the same over all productions of the show. At the end of the day, the student run still was about the Six wives of Henry VIII coming together and forming a girl group, while arguing over who should be the lead singer before finally coming together as one group. 

Run time:

The first biggest difference between the student run of Six and the current runs of Six is its vastly shorter run time. All professional versions of the show have clocked in around 75 minutes, give or take. However, the student run of Six is only 60 minutes long that results in a generally more streamlined version of the show. While this may not sound like a massive difference, it does mean that this version is essentially 25% shorter than usual and does have massive ripple effects for the show.  The first reaction most people have to listening to the student run is simply realising how streamlined it truly is, with there being very little dialogue between songs and what little dialogue there is sometimes being radically different. I mean the dialogue between Haus of Holbein often diverges into odd territories...which is saying something for Haus of Holbein. 

Different songs:

In addition, every song in the student run is somewhat different to its current counterpart. Some changes are relatively small, such as the occasional changed lyric  in Ex-Wives, Don’t Lose Ur Head or Six, or a slightly different tempo to Haus Of Holbein or Howard singing an extra chorus of AWYD. However...three songs (No Way, Heart of Stone and I Don’t Need Your Love) are widely different from their current counterparts, with all three having different lyrics and different tones, and No Way having similar yet still distinctly different musical elements to it. 

I could sit here all day trying to analyse why exactly these songs were altered, especially as I have an intense love for these more indie, earnest feeling versions of the tunes we all know and love. However, it is important to acknowledge that some of these older songs simply didn’t fit with the tone (or, dare I say, vibe) of newer versions of Six. They worked for the student run, but that does not mean it would have translated well to other productions.  

As for the megasix...it does not exist in this version of Six. The megasix will not make its debut until the studio production of Six, and even at that it is a very different version of the song. 

The Queens as Characters:

A definite by-product of the shorter run time and some different songs in the student run has to be the characterisation of the queens in general. Each version of these queens feel so different to the current productions of Six in their own unique way and it’s something I wish I had more time to analyse. Generally, since this was the first production, the student queens don’t always conform to the usual expectations we have of the queens from Six. My favorite example is always Student!Boleyn, who is still quite energetic but also has this openly well-spoken nature to her (or maybe its just her accent..I’m a 17 year old not a theater critic do not take this post for anything more than what it is). In fact, I would easily argue that the youngest performers of these queens had the most mature versions of their respective queens. Yes, they bicker, but queens like Seymour and Boleyn aren’t played for laughs and don’t become the butt of every joke like they sometimes do in newer versions. In addition, the less produced nature of the songs/musical arrangements makes some queens feel so genuine and earnest, like Student!Seymour not being able to cope with the loss of her son or student!Howard just being so empty and broken throughout the show. These characterizations manage to feel so real and be so impactful, even though this is a literal student production being run by 18-20 year olds. 

Now, I’m not saying that newer versions of the queens aren’t earnest or genuine or leave an impact because that is absolutely not true (the American versions of AYWD can literally break me). They just do this in a very different way...which makes sense considering that these are vastly different productions.   

However...the shorter run time does have a negative impact for some of the Queens, as it does feel like Aragon, Boleyn and Seymour get such a large portion of the show dedicated to them, leaving Cleves, Howard and ESPECIALLY Parr by the wayside. This is more of a structural issue with Six that is still in effect to this day, however, I feel like it is most noticeable in this production. I won’t go fully in to it here (I’d rather have a dedicated post to the student queen characterisations) but needless to say Parr teeters on the edge of being a Mary Sue in this production, saved only by her amazing IDNYL and the talent of  Shimali de Silva.

Musical arrangements:

While The Ladies in Waiting have sort of become characters in their own right within this fandom,people seem to forget that they didn’t make their debut until the U.K Tour in 2018 and were not named Maggie, Bessie, Joan and Maria until the West End run in 2019. Before this, the student and studio runs both had larger ensembles to back the queens up instead of being limited to guitar, bass, keys and drums. The student run’s arrangements are great (especially No Way and DLUH), but my favourite arrangements out of all versions of Six has to be the studio run, if only because I love that so many songs included jazz elements, especially No Way, Get Down and AYWD and how diverse everything sounded. While it’s great that the newer versions of Six feel more uniformly pop oriented rather than having lots of different elements like the studio and student runs, I do sort of miss the variety that the earlier versions of Six had to an extent.

In addition, because the student run of six was generally not as pop-oriented as the newer versions, it did mean that certain elements to songs are missing and the whole thing does feel less produced than newer versions (probably due to the budget and time constraints). This is not a slight to either version of the show however: the newer versions really drive home that the Queens are a pop-band with all the produced arrangements to match, which suits the direction that the show was intending to go, while the older versions of Six with their less produced arrangements suited the more indie, literal student oriented version of the show. 

Costumes:

Let’s be real here, the student cast costumes were not winning any awards for their costumes. They were odd, mismatched, clashed with one another and overall just didn’t even reflect the queens very well. While Boleyn and her little green dress was a nice outfit, and I seriously love the connotations of Parr being in white (although her in blue also works well connotations wise) Gabriella Slade was a serious god send to the show.

Increased diversity:

Another thing that Six was not winning any awards for in its earlier days was its diversity. While the student run does boast the only NB queen so far in the form of their majesty, Tilda!Cleves, five out of six of the queens were white, with only Parr being played by a WOC (Shimali de Silva). 

On a serious note, I’m glad that the diversity of the show improved from this run, and while the tour and Aussie cast are disappointing in this regard as they aren’t as diverse as we would all like, I seriously hope that this show continues to include all women from every background. This show should empower all women and NB folk, not just heterosexual, cisgender white women. 

[aion-rsa]

How Dead by Daylight Gave Slasher Horror Icons The Game They Deserved

https://ift.tt/35lPcEi

If you grew up a gamer in the ‘80s and ‘90s, buying a bad licensed game was a rite of passage. Sure, even young gamers could detect a bomb like Home Improvement: Power Tool Pursuit! for the SNES from a mile away, but at a time before game reviews were easy to find online, it was natural to hope that the new X-Men game might just be good enough to take a chance on.

The situation was especially rough for horror movie fans. I owned the Nightmare on Elm Street and Friday the 13th adaptations for the NES and at least tried to finish them. It’s not that I thought they were good, but at a time when licensed horror games (not to mention major console horror games) were few and far between, the opportunity to face off against my favorite movie slasher was too enticing to ignore. 

The industry eventually learned to embrace horror in a meaningful way that resulted in some all-time great gaming experiences, but the slasher movie icons of the day remained tragically underutilized. While original horror series like Silent Hill and Resident Evil expanded the storytelling potential of the medium, Chucky was reduced to starring in a Temple Run knock-off. 

In the minds of many horror fans, the hope for a great game starring Micheal Myers, Freddy Krueger, or Leatherface lingered even as passable adaptations of those characters eluded us for decades. Where was the disconnect?

“I think it probably extends from the fact that they are two very, very different mediums and two very, very different ways of telling stories,” says Mathieu Coté, director of Behaviour Interactive’s hit slasher multiplayer game Dead by Daylight. “The reasons why slasher movies are so successful, and why they make you feel the way that they do, are extremely difficult to translate into gameplay mechanics. I think that probably that’s the root of it.”

The earliest examples of slasher movie games certainly support that theory. In 1983, adaptations of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Halloween were released for the Atari 2600. They offered wildly different experiences (Texas Chainsaw Massacre saw you mow down victims for points while Halloween was all about evading Michael Myers), but each was so bad that you’d sooner be caught smoking weed while having sex at Camp Crystal Lake than playing either for more than a few minutes. 

Even as technology and game design advanced past what was possible on the Atari and NES, slasher icons were still being butchered in ways that would make these killers proud.

“It often felt as if [licenses] were either tacked onto an existing product that didn’t fit or it was just shovelware where the attitude is ‘make a thing and put the name on it,’” Coté says. “Oftentimes the people holding the licenses, and again it’s a matter of those two mediums being so different, but the people holding the licenses to the movies, they know about movies. They don’t know about games. That can make things difficult.”

With Dead by Daylight, Coté’s team sought to capture the essence of the slasher movie and translate that into fun gameplay that actually made sense for the genre. The asymmetrical multiplayer title sees one player assume the role of a killer tasked with eliminating four player-controlled survivors trying to escape the terrifying scenario. Since its release in 2016, Dead by Daylight has been embraced as the definitive horror multiplayer experience. 

Given how difficult it has historically been to make a slasher title, much less one featuring licensed characters, perhaps it should come as no surprise that Dead by Daylight’s origins can be traced to a much simpler concept that didn’t even start out as horror.

“There was a designer working in basically a silo somewhere making little prototypes, and one prototype that he made at some point was literally hide and seek,” Coté remembers. “It was one character that’s trying to accomplish a goal and there was another character that was very powerful. If he touched you, you’re dead.”

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An equally simple tweak would reveal the prototype’s incredible horror potential.

“We put cardboard in between [split screens] and went ‘Oh, my God. This is super fun,” Coté recalls. “The idea of creating a game in which you could play the fantasy of being the villain in a horror movie, that’s a longstanding one…if we put that with the fantasy of a villain in a horror movie, we have a winner.”

The idea of pairing the basic structure of hide and seek with a horror movie villain shows team’s vital understanding of what makes the slasher genre so entertaining in the first place. 

“A lot of effort is put into these [villains], so of course they’re more appealing,” says Dead by Daylight creative director Dave Richard. “I think that’s why we started rooting for them, and we have this enjoyment and guilty pleasure of rooting for the villain. I think that we all have this inside of us at different levels. We’re embracing this macabre thing.”

The team’s fascination with the macabre would slowly turn their experiment into a fully-fledged horror game. 

“The original prototypes showed survivors as literally beheaded silhouettes wearing different colored t-shirts with phrases like virgin, stoner, and jock,” Coté explains. “That’s something that Cabin in the Woods did very, very well, and the early prototype was based on those tropes.”

While Coté and Richard reference meta-horror movies like Cabin in the Woods and mockumentary Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon as early inspirations that helped them contextualize the genre’s key elements, they ultimately turned to foundational films such as Halloween, Nightmare on Elm Street, Friday the 13th, and The Texas Chainsaw Massacre when crafting the game’s environments, characters, and other design elements. In those early days, though, few believed that Dead by Daylight would eventually host some of the stars of those films. 

“There were dreams and ambitions, but I don’t think there were thoughts,” Coté says. “We barely expected it to break even after a couple of months. When it started to really explode in the first month or so, we started looking for opportunities.”

The earliest of those opportunities happened to involve arguably the most important slasher of all-time: Michael Myers.

“We were lucky enough to get in contact with some very nice people who are the owners of the original version of Michael Meyers,” Coté explains. “Being able to get the rights to bring in that character and the original Laurie Strode into Dead by Daylight was kind of a big deal. It set the stage because it legitimized us in a certain way.”

For anyone who has followed the history of licensing rights and copyright law (not to mention the aforementioned history of slashers in games), the fact that the team was able to add Michael Myers as a playable killer must conjure an image of a developer clawing their way out of licensing hell with one hand while holding on to Myers with the other. Yet, it sounds like the process wasn’t all that complicated.

“I wouldn’t call it [licensing] hell,” Coté says. “Most of it is actually super interesting, and most of the licenses that we have…we’re dealing with people who get what we’re trying to do. The people who are, as I was saying earlier, more into movies than into video games, tend to trust us to do the right thing.”

Securing Michael Myers was one thing, but now that they had him, the team was faced with the same dilemma that had ruined even noble attempts at building games around these characters in the past.

“We first had to ask ‘What is the fantasy around that character and what is so interesting and unique about these characters?’” Richard recalls. “Of course, most of them have a weapon and they kill, but what’s their special sauce?”

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As Richard explains, Freddy Krueger has a “dream world” and a “fantasy that’s easier to get.” By comparison, Michael Myers is often portrayed as a guy with a mask and a knife. How do you translate that into a game in a way that makes him feel unique?

The answer to that question came in what Coté rightfully describes as a “stroke of genius.” 

“I remember that meeting where we were talking about Halloween and how to make [Michael Myers] unique,” Coté explains. “They pitched us the idea of a killer that would just watch you. We’re like, ‘What?’ They’re like, ‘Yeah, he’s just going to stand there and watch you,’ because that’s what Myers does in the movies. That’s what he does, but it’s an action game. People want to chase each other…We all thought, ‘Oh, you’re an idiot.’”

Yet, when Coté got the chance to actually play an early build of Dead By Daylight with Myers as the killer, he immediately understood what the team was aspiring to achieve.

“The very, very first version of the prototype I remember playing and repairing a generator and looking over my shoulder, and I see him standing on a hill and just watching me, and I go, ‘This is the creepiest thing I’ve ever experienced in this game,’” Coté says. “It’s super creepy, especially knowing it’s an actual other player right there. He could attack me right now, but he chooses to just watch me…that kind of thing made me realize the liberties we could take with the gameplay mechanics to really create something that would be unique and special.”

For the next few years, that’s exactly what the team did. They bent the rules of the game to incorporate other famous slashers. Freddy Krueger dragged Dead by Daylight players to dream world while Saw’s Amanda Young turned the game’s traps into a gambling proposition. Leatherface’s devastating attacks impacted a survivor’s ability to carry on and Ghost Face’s playfulness and humor distinguishes him from one of his major inspirations, Michael Myers himself. Through it all, the team’s goal was to stay true to the legacy of these characters and give them a proper home. 

“I love Mortal Kombat, but whenever a character gets imported to Mortal Kombat, they all turn into martial artists,” Coté says. “When you put Jason in Mortal Kombat, he becomes a martial artist and he hacks people, and then he does a finishing move and it’s awesome, but that’s it. When you take Michael Myers and put him in Dead by Daylight, he’s Michael Myers.”

Of course, Dead by Daylight’s roster of killers doesn’t just include an array of adaptations. At launch, the game boasted three original killers: The Trapper, The Wraith, and The Hillbilly. The Trapper was, by the team’s admission, based on Jason Vorhees and The Hillbilly certainly resembled Leatherface. It was in The Wraith, a desperate figure whose pursuit of a job saw him become an unwilling executioner, that the team found their first truly great original creation.

“For us, it was important that one of the killers was inspired by more of a cultural idea, and that was The Wraith,” Richard notes. “You don’t see The Wraith archetype in movies. It really comes from horror culture and cultural monsters more than movies.”

That desire to explore every corner of horror rather than just retread film successes is a big part of the reason why Dead by Daylight’s original killers are among its most popular. In fact, the team draws inspiration from such a wide array of sources that it’s possible some players may feel the impact of these original creations more intensely than others. 

“The Huntress is heavily inspired by Eastern European folklore and mythology,” Coté says. “For some of our players, especially Russian and Ukrainian players, they were immediately, completely freaked out because she’s humming a song that their mothers sang to them when they were a kid. It was really like it hit way too close for some of them, and it was great. It made them feel things, but for Japanese players or Brazilian players who had no cultural link to that, it was still an impressive and terrifying character because what scares people is visceral and universal”

While Dead by Daylight’s original killers stand tall against horror’s heavyweights, the game’s most impressive contribution to the slasher genre may just be its emphasis on the personalities and attributes of its survivors. Early builds of the premise portrayed survivors as Merrily We Roll Along rejects wearing self-identifying sweaters, but the game eventually began treating survivors with the same reverence as killers. 

“Survivors have been the learning experience, to say the least,” Richard confesses. “When we created the original characters, we wanted them to have real stories and personalities, but also to be relatable. I’m going to say a word I don’t like so much, but it’s almost like they’re shells that the players can identify with and easily become.”

Dead by Daylight’s emphasis on the unique qualities of its survivors helped it outlive (pun proudly intended) other asymmetrical multiplayer games, but even Behaviour Interactive found itself having to reckon with some of the stereotypes that plague even the best slasher movies. 

“The fact is that a lot of those [early character designs] are stereotypes that convey, let’s say, cultural tropes that don’t need to continue to exist in today’s society,” Coté admits. “For us, it was more interesting to create characters that feel like someone you could stand behind in a coffee shop and not blink because they’re regular people. They’re people you can relate to.”

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While Dead by Daylight’s roster of survivors features a few imports (such as Halloween’s Laurie Strode and Evil Dead’s Ash), the team reveals that “licensed survivors are much harder to find than killers,” largely because they still want the game’s survivor’s to feel overwhelmed by the stalkers. Coté specifically notes that it wouldn’t make sense for someone like John Wick or Arnold Schwarzenegger to be hanging helplessly from a hook. Yet, they also don’t feel like the legacy and value of a horror hero should be defined by their ability to play offense. 

“All of them are serial survivors,” Coté says of the game’s characters. “They continue to win, which is impressive, given the challenges they face.”

Besides, as millions of fans who have shouted at the screen at a horror film can attest to, the fates of Dead by Daylight’s survivors really come down to the players themselves.

“We always wanted to make it so that if you die in Dead by Daylight, it’s because you did something dumb or you panicked and didn’t stick to the plan,” Coté says. “Obviously the killers are extremely powerful, but most of the time [survivors lose] because someone panicked or was careless and got cocky and didn’t make good decisions.”

The ability to test your mettle against a slasher legend is one of Dead by Daylight’s more interesting examples of meta brilliance, but its most notable meta mechanic is the presence of The Entity, the invisible hand that pulls characters from different horror universes into the game. It’s a subtle, yet vital, story component inspired by another horror legend. 

“The main inspiration for The Entity was actually The Dark Tower,” Richard recalls. “Many of us on the team are fans of the work of Stephen King, and when we deep dove into The Dark Tower, it was a favorite. The way every book in the Stephen King universe links together and is tied up with The Dark Tower was the inception of the idea of The Entity.”

The Entity is the core component of the game’s surprisingly strong lore, which not only offers compelling backstories for nearly every survivor, setting, and killer but even adds a few new chapters for licensed universes like the Scream series. 

In many other multiplayer games, that lore would be little more than an easter egg debated over on Wiki pages and fan forums. But in Dead by Daylight, the commitment to meaningful storytelling is a core component of the ambition which defines Behaviour Interactive’s mission. 

“Every time we create more of our lore, we solidify what Dead by Daylight is and the universe around it,” Coté explains. “It’s not just to be able to bring in anything, but to be able to create a universe into which all of these things can exist and make sense.”

While the team’s commitment to lore may help bolster their pitches to rights holders, their commitment to ensuring that Dead by Daylight’s growth adheres to an internal logic also speaks to the team’s confidence that they can give nearly any slasher a home. 

“I’d say that a few [killers] still elude our grasp, and it’s mostly due to the fact that someone thinks they can make a standalone game for them, or they are working on one,” Coté says. “Anybody who’s got a little bit of experience in video games can tell you that recreating the magic of Dead by Daylight and that sort of balanced chaos is a terrifying prospect. It’s certainly not a simple thing to recreate.”

There’s a sincerity to that statement which encapsulates so many of the reasons why Dead by Daylight was not only able to secure slashers and survivors who could easily star in their own games but do justice to them within the framework of an experience that wasn’t designed to accommodate those legends in the first place.

After all, if the bad old days of slasher games and adaptations were defined by limitations and indifference, then Dead by Daylight succeeds because it takes nothing for granted. Its team carefully crafted a scenario that invoked the pure pleasure of the slasher genre and then spent years studying the ins and outs of these characters and worlds in order to better understand what makes them work beyond the superficial pleasure of their mere presence. It’s an involved process that doesn’t work for everyone.

“We’ve had a couple of cases of people on the development team that, maybe after a year or something, they go, ‘You know what? I think I’ve had enough.’” Coté admits. “Especially 3D artists who keep looking at references of grizzly things all the time, and most of them, they’re just having a blast…but I’m thinking of one or two examples of people who were like ‘You know what? I need to go and work on something with unicorns and kittens.’ That’s fair. That’s absolutely fair.”

The amount of work that goes into a game like Dead by Daylight may ultimately scare off other developers who would dare give legendary slashers their own games, but as long as we have Dead by Daylight, at least a few horror icons will always have a home. 

cnx.cmd.push(function() { cnx({ playerId: "106e33c0-3911-473c-b599-b1426db57530", }).render("0270c398a82f44f49c23c16122516796"); });

“It used to be that we were hoping that people who hold the licenses to these legends would allow us to bring them into our world,” Coté says. “Nowadays, the conversations oftentimes revolve around asking them if they’re big enough to make it into the hall of fame that is Dead by Daylight…It’s the place for horror to come by and live.”

The post How Dead by Daylight Gave Slasher Horror Icons The Game They Deserved appeared first on Den of Geek.

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[themattress]

Pokemon Franchise Narrative Comparison

To this day, there have been only three other mediums that have run for as long as the core Pokemon game series has: the anime series, the Pokemon Adventures manga series, and the Trading Card Game. With the obvious exception of the TCG, these have all had narrative arcs within each passing generation, and I want to use this post to compare their quality.

GEN I Games: Red/Blue/Green/Yellow Anime: Original Series: Indigo League + Orange Islands (The Beginning) Manga: Red/Blue/Green Chapter, Yellow Chapter  

1st Place - Manga. The original R/B/G Chapter brings the world of the Game Boy games to life in stunning accuracy, while also its own spin on certain things and crafting a simple yet sophisticated coming-of-age narrative, with the Yellow Chapter being its Actionized Sequel that raises the stakes even higher and deepens everything within this manga series. Add to this clear influence from the anime and the fact that it’s the only Gen I product to feature the character of Green in it, and we have the definitive story for the franchise’s first generation.

2nd Place - Anime. While increasingly less faithful to the details of the games, the anime remained very faithful to the spirit of them while telling its own coming-of-age tale for Ash Ketchum in the Indigo League series, plus a “postgame scenario” equivalent with the Orange Islands series. The highlight of this story is definitely how it fleshes out the games’ main antagonists: Gary Oak, Team Rocket and Mewtwo, into interesting, memorable characters.

3rd Place - Games. The 8-bit adventure that started it all is incredibly bare-bones and basic: take the Pokemon League challenge, thwart the evil Team Rocket along the way, and if possible fill up that Pokedex with all 151 Pokemon (”Gotta Catch ‘Em All!”). As a story, it’s not very interesting, but as an excuse for gameplay it works marvelously and established a winning formula for the series, and to this day it’s still charming in its wholesome simplicity.

GEN II Games: Gold/Silver/Crystal Anime: Original Series: GS (Gold and Silver) Manga: Gold/Silver/Crystal Chapter

1st Place - Manga. It’s funny - in the first volume of the G/S/C Chapter, things seemed to be a definite downgrade from the Kanto-based arcs that came before in terms of artwork, characterization and narrative. But then the mysterious masked antagonist appears at the end, and from then on out things just keep escalating to such epic heights that it becomes the best Johto story in the franchise and arguably the best arc in the whole manga series! Practically everyone and everything from the previous two arcs end up joining up with the new elements and the series up to this point is brought to a satisfying, conclusive note. 

2nd Place - Games. While the League challenge and Pokedex narrative threads are basically the same as before, and the Team Rocket thread is actually weaker, this story also features a stronger regional setting, a stronger rival, and stronger characterization for side characters both old and new, especially in the special edition, Crystal, making it a welcome step-up.  

3rd Place - Anime. An attempt at a new narrative was notoriously abandoned early on, with Takeshi Shudo leaving the head writer position and the whole show devolving into formulaic Filler Hell. While the Johto League tournament that concluded the whole thing was good, there was barely a story to support getting there, and the main characters had all become Flanderized versions of their former selves by the end. Without question, the anime had jumped the shark. But Shudo did give us the best movie and an OVA that properly concluded Indigo League’s Mewtwo arc before he was through, so let’s not say it was a total waste.

GEN III Games: Ruby/Sapphire/Emerald, FireRed/LeafGreen Anime: Advanced Generation (Ruby and Sapphire) Manga: Ruby/Sapphire Chapter, FireRed/LeafGreen Chapter, Emerald Chapter

1st Place - Games. The first time that the games get first place, but only on the technicality that the other contenders are worse, since this really isn’t that big an improvement over the previous two generations’ game narratives. The biggest difference is that your character is the child of one of the Gym Leaders, and the evil team narrative thread (Team Aqua and/or Team Magma this time) builds to an epic high-stakes event that involves the Legendary Pokemon mascot of the game which will become a mainstay of the formula from now on. There is also the remakes of the original Gen I games, and aside from some small tweaks of improvement and a postgame scenario in an island archipelago (anime-inspired, perhaps?), the narrative is basically the same as it was before. Nothing outstanding, but serviceable. 

2nd Place - Manga. Talk about a mixed bag...the R/S Chapter started out with promise but ended up going to shit in its second half, the FR/LG Chapter was fantastic only to conclude with a bullshit last-minute cliffhanger, and the Emerald Chapter that connects the two arcs is just stereotypical, badly-written shonen crap with only a few good elements in it (plus some ironic enjoyment to be had in its batshit insane climax). On the whole, this was the weakest period that the manga series has ever had, despite Kusaka and Yamamoto’s best efforts.  

3rd Place - Anime. Beyond May and her character arc which, by some lucky fluke, came together wonderfully, the anime hadn’t improved that much from the Johto days. Hoenn was not done any justice (even the manga did a better job with it!), and the FRLG/Emerald composite for the filler arc afterward was just weird in spite of how entertaining half of it was. All in all, the anime hadn’t gotten a real narrative back. It was just going through the motions.

GEN IV Games: Diamond/Pearl/Platinum, HeartGold/SoulSilver Anime: Diamond & Pearl Manga: Diamond/Pearl Chapter, Platinum Chapter, HeartGold/SoulSilver Chapter

1st Place - Manga. Pokemon Adventures retakes its crown in this generation, with a phenomental two arcs in the Sinnoh region that are so linked that they essentially make up one whole story, and a brief, adequate arc in Johto that properly bridges the gap between those Sinnoh arcs and the Emerald arc before them. Whenever I think of Sinnoh, it’s the region portrayed in this manga that comes to mind, which is a testament to its high quality.

2nd Place - Games. One word can describe the narratives of these games: overcooked. There are a lot of good ingredients here that elevate the series’ storytelling to a new level, but way too many cooks who don’t have a unified idea of how to properly mix them together means that it becomes a muddled mess of mythology, philosophy and vague character motivations. This particularly pisses me off when it effects the otherwise solid Gen II remakes. However, the good elements are still good regardless, and as showcased by the following generation this was a necessary learning curve to get through, so it deserves some respect.

3rd Place - Anime. Ugh. Newly appointed head writer Atsuhiro Tomioka tries to have his cake and eat it too here, maintaining the anime’s banal filler formula while also attempting to tell a legitimate narrative, but he as just one man somehow manages to clutter up that narrative more than the several writers did for the games in this generation! It is an increasingly insufferable roller coaster of plot threads and supposed character arcs that are drawn out to the point of disinterest across four years, with you really feeling the disastrous pace when it takes a years’ worth of time between Ash winning his 7th badge and him winning his 8th. Combine this with the source material of the games being disrespected or cast aside perhaps worse than ever, and you get what I will always believe is the lowest point for the anime.  

GEN V Games: Black/White, Black 2/White 2 Anime: Best Wishes + Best Wishes Season 2 (Black and White) Manga: Black/White Chapter, Black 2/White 2 Chapter

1st Place - Games. With this generation, particularly with its first set of games, the learning curve undergone in Gen IV paid off. This is quite possibly the richest narrative in the whole game series in terms of plot, characterization and themes, and the peak of the traditional formula. Combined with stellar gameplay, it creates a high point that has yet to be matched.

2nd Place - Manga. The Black/White Chapter had a rough start, just copying the games’ plot almost to the letter but with the characterizations for the main characters truly being less than ideal (see what I did there?) However, once Black and White go their own separate ways the arc starts rapidly improving until it ends on a phenomenal high note that segues perfectly in the Black 2/White 2 arc that, like the Yellow arc, is an Actionized Sequel and, like the Platinum arc, is essentially the continuation and conclusion of the same story as in the previous arc. The only real mark against it is that it can be too fast-paced which only adds to the frustrating irony of the absolutely Hellish schedule slip it underwent (8 fucking years for an arc of just 24 chapters / 3 volumes to be completed! It’s never going to live that fact down!)

3rd Place - Anime. Kind of the reverse of the manga: had a great start being the best that the anime has been in a long time, only to get progressively weaker, with the third and final year being a trainwreck of checking off plot points in a mad rush to promote the upcoming Gen VI and pander to the whiny fanboys who’d been complaining about the loss of the formula and D/P-style story writing (yes, they actually liked those) plus the “soft reboot” aspect going on, particularly with Ash. However, much like the Gen IV games, the Gen V anime proved to be a necessary learning curve for the future and is a highly impactful series in that regard, so it deserves respect for that (although I hate that both a natural disaster and the B2/W2 games screwed up the originally planned Team Plasma arc! It’s never going to live that fact down!) 

GEN VI Games: X/Y, Omega Ruby/Alpha Sapphire Anime: XY + XY&Z Manga: X/Y Chapter, Omega Ruby/Alpha Sapphire Chapter

1st Place - Manga. I thoroughly dislike the story of the X/Y games and the Delta Episode of OR/AS, so imagine my surprise when Pokemon Adventures actually makes something good out of them (or, in the Delta Episode’s case, something tolerable at best). The X/Y Chapter is a delightful deconstruction of a lot of what’s in the games, turning what was light and fluffy and hollow into something dark and suspenseful and meaningful. And the OR/AS Chapter gets points for being the best that Ruby and Sapphire have ever been characterized, to the point where they’ve been officially Rescued from my Scrappy Heap (Emerald’s still lame tho).

2nd Place - Games. Like I said, I dislike the X/Y games’ narrative and the Delta Episode of OR/AS; I think they are the worst writing the game series has ever seen to date. But the main narrative of OR/AS - the actual remake of the Gen III games which features a lot of new and necessary improvements - is solid, and that’s enough to put the games at second place here.

3rd Place - Anime. Similarly, the one thing the anime series does really well - the Myth Arc, which includes the Team Flare storyline - is not enough to elevate it beyond third place, because the rest of the series’ narrative is just as lame as the X/Y games’, there’s not much benefit from OR/AS elements, and everything that it positions in its shameful fan-pandering utterly fails to deliver or add up to anything meaningful in the end. The Mega Evolution specials pretty clearly demonstrate that this should have been Alain’s show, not Ash’s.

GEN VII Games: Sun/Moon/Ultra Sun/Ultra Moon Anime: Sun & Moon Manga: Sun/Moon/Ultra Sun/Ultra Moon Chapter

1st Place - Games. The Gen V games have serious competition story-wise with the Gen VII games. Both S/M and US/UM are excellent, with things not done so well in one being done better in the other and vice-versa to the point where they compliment each other beautifully.

2nd Place - Anime. Miracle of miracles! For the first time since Gen I, the anime series gets its narrative in second place, with Daiki Tomiyasu and Aya Matsui completely reinventing it in a refreshingly fun and vibrant way. There are some missed opportunities here and there, but overall it’s a perfect adaptation of the Alola region and everything that makes it so great.

3rd Place - Manga. While this is still an arc of good quality that I like, it’s also perhaps the most disappointing since Ruby/Sapphire back in Gen III. After doing so well with Sinnoh, Unova and Kalos, one senses that Kusaka and Yamamoto struggled to adapt Alola to that same standard, and while the decision to keep US/UM as part of the same arc rather than be a separate one was wise, it’s during the US/UM half of the arc that things really start falling apart and the wasted potential of stuff that got set up earlier becomes overbearing. It doesn’t help that the leads are an unlikable hero with an interesting, relatable goal and a likable heroine with an uninteresting, unrelatable goal respectively. Let’s hope that the patchwork done in the volume releases fixes some of the problems so that I can like this arc even more.

GEN VIII Games: Sword/Shield Anime: New Series (Journeys) Manga: Sword/Shield Chapter

1st Place - Manga. As I recently stated, Kusaka and Yamamoto are back at their A-Game with this arc, taking advantage of all that was lacking in the games’ story and utilizing them in an interesting narrative that I can’t wait to further experience alongside our surrogate, Marvin.

2nd Place - Games. If the Gen IV games’ narrative was overcooked, then the narrative of the games four generations later is most definitely undercooked. It’s not the worst story - that’s still Gen VI - but it’s possibly the most disappointing since it’s so easy to see how it could have been better and you are left baffled as to why the writers didn’t go in that direction.

3rd Place - Anime. This series is highly enjoyable thanks to the continued leadership of Daiki Tomiyasu, but not only is there not as much of a narrative as there’s been in earlier shows, it isn’t even uniquely Gen VIII-based: taking place across all regions in the Pokemon World and taking influence from mobile games like Go (released in Gen VI) and Masters (released in Gen VII).  Add to that the unfortunate hiatus it’s now on and it can’t help but be placed last.

[doom-dreaming]

The Sacred Flock: General Info and How To Join

I've been meaning to write this up for a while and I'm finally getting around to it. This is the definitive "about" guide for joining and writing in the Sacred Flock 'Verse, otherwise known as the Twins' Pet 'Verse or The Menagerie. It has a lot of names. So! Here are the answers to (mostly) all your questions!

1) What is the Sacred Flock 'Verse? You may have seen mentions of this around the Calypso corner of Tumblr and wondered what it was. It's a collaborative, relatively-open AU in which the Calypso Twins acquire and keep human pets as trophies and status symbols to reinforce their godhood.

If this sounds like something you might be into, click the readmore!

What this AU includes:

collars (bells and leashes optional)

branding

microchip tracking

cannibalism; Troy’s got monster mouth mods and Tyreen likes to get in on the action too, sometimes

What this AU does NOT include:

incest or pedophilia

marrying the twins

having children with the twins (both of them have had sterilization surgeries in this AU)

2) Sounds interesting, how would I join? There are two levels of involvement. The first level is simply contributing to the 'Verse! Suggest ideas, write something, interact with our posts, and you're in! Further down in this post I’ve listed some of the established canon of this ‘Verse, along with some tags you can explore to get a basic understanding of what you’d be working with.

The second level is our Discord server. To get into that, you must be:

at least 18 years of age

willing to remain active and contribute ideas to the 'Verse

at least semi-interested in the ongoing narrative

In addition, you should interact with our members (most of whom are listed below) outside of the server enough for us to get a feel for what you're like and how well you'd vibe with the rest of us. This includes submitting an RP "audition" to @clockworkrobotic (Kat) so they can meet your character. We don't have a lot of hard-set rules about characters, but the main thing we ask is that they be canon-compliant. Borderlands canon is pretty crazy, but think about the type of people the twins would want to have as pets and keep it realistic (no crazy powers, etc.)

The actual auditioning process involves a character interview and questionnaire that we set up, so if you're interested in auditioning, send a DM to me or Kat and we can provide more info about the setup of the server, aside from what’s written below.

3) The Discord server sounds cool, if I ended up in it, what could I expect? First and foremost, it is a kink server. Our focus is on pet kink and ownership and obedience. If you act up or get into a big enough argument with our twins, they will punish you accordingly. That's not to say you're not allowed to be soft and mushy and have fun, but we have lots of highly-specific channels for other flavors of twin-loving, so heed where everything should go and you'll be fine.

It is a private kink server and we ask that you be respectful of what people are choosing to share.

(Further note: our twins are played by real people and they really do their best to stick to canon characterization, which means they can be pretty villainous sometimes. Go figure. If you're very sensitive to discipline or the occasional sibling shouting match, the main RP may not be the best place for you. We want everyone to have fun and we know that tolerance levels and triggers vary from person to person. The twins will get mean because we (the mods) told them to be, given the understanding that this is a server about being owned by two fairly awful individuals.)

4) You still haven't scared me away yet! Is there any established Flock canon I need to include when I contribute? Yes! Our canon is constantly evolving, and the structure of the narrative outside of the server is quite a bit looser, but we do have established aspects for this AU. A good tag to check out (included at the end of this post) is '#flock worldbuilding.' Some main points include:

the twins' powers are a little tweaked. The leech ability is paired with a healing ability, and the twins can trade these powers back and forth at will

the twins and their pets (us) live in a large building known as the Holy Inner Compound, located near the Cathedral, so it's part of the same Dahl refinery, but the twins have renovated to make themselves some comfortable living quarters

in the center of the Holy Inner Compound is a huge garden. The twins discovered early-on that their healing was just as strong and just as reckless as their leeching, and a burst of siren energy created a beautiful tree that bears a strange fruit. The garden has grown ever since, housing all kinds of vegetables, fruits, and flowers both native and foreign. A pond of fresh water feeds small streams that meander throughout the garden. A good tag to look at is '#tsf: the oasis' (tagged below)

there is a conditioning process that new pets go through. It varies from pet to pet depending on personality and comfort level around the twins (they want you to trust them, ideally) and ends with a collaring ceremony, a public, live-streamed ritual that involves an official collaring and a reminder to the cultists that the Flock is to be treated with the same reverence as the Twin Gods

we focus heavily on the more religious potential of the COV, leaning into ritualism and ceremony; the twins are still streamers with huge personalities, we just ramp up the religious undertones the game didn’t really explore

we have a huge collection of animal pets (affectionately referred to as petpets) and if you want to see them, @glowydruglord did some adorable illustrations for us. Just check out the '#pet pets' tag on my blog to find them

I've started posting some supplementary material and will continue to do so for the next month or so. This includes:

maps of the compound (sketched floor plans and screenshots of my accurate-as-possible Sims build)

detailed information on the progression of the conditioning process

breakdowns of the different areas of the compound

overviews of the ceremonies and rituals used to induct new pets into the Flock

I think I covered the most important stuff, and you can check out the tags below (check them from inside my blog to get relevant results) to take a look at what this 'Verse has to offer. Most importantly, please interact with us if you want to be a part of this! We're all very friendly and me and @clockworkrobotic especially want to get to know the people who are contributing. We'll be happy to answer any questions or just chat!

Here are some of our most active members!

@afterthedreamer @bettersafethandicks @circiva @vialandmortar @cacklefrendly @vaulttouched @constantfantasymind

If you would like to interact with and contribute to this AU, please respect our guidelines. We have a wide range of personalities and preferences and we would ask that you be mindful of what that can entail. One person’s kink can be someone else’s trigger. If you have a question or concern, please ask us!

[belphegor1982]

How about the first chapter Tommy appears?

[Pick any passage from any fanfic I’ve written, and stick that selection in my ask/fan mail/submission box. I will then give you the equivalent of a DVD commentary on that snippet!]

Thanks a lot!! (Also I answered this kind of ask about a passage from chapter 2, if you want to take a look - it’s all spoiler-free!)

Here’s Thomas Sean Ferguson’s grand introduction, then :D Oh god, it’s kind of awkward, because like with Blake there’s a certain amount of early installment weirdness. Also I go on and oooooooon (sorry about that). But let’s go!

_________

Quite lost in his thoughts this time, [Jonathan] barely registered that he was walking past the Museum (where Evy is, right now, negotiating the Cairo Museum “lending” the Diamond of Ahm Shere to the British government - which kickstarts the plot) before somebody knocked into him, hard enough for both of them to crumple, breathless, on the ground. It took Jonathan thirty seconds to get his lungs in working order again and, instinctively, check his pockets for anything missing.

A lot of this commentary risks being “this used to be [thing] before I tweaked it in the rewrites”, and a lot of it is because I’ve gained some insight in the past twelve years. Jonathan’s first thought being checking his pockets (which - and I made it explicit in the second or third paragraph of the story :D - comes from his being a skilled pickpocket himself and knowing how it works), however, was there from the very beginning.

“So sorry I bumped into you, mate, didn’t mean to,” came the voice of the attacker. Jonathan’s eyes widened at the sound of this voice and he squinted up at its owner.

And cue Tom Ferguson :D He wasn’t my first OC, far from it (that dubious honour would probably belong to the buttload of OCs I created for my Marauder era story which died when Order of the Phoenix came out), but he was the first I got to really explore and develop, and he ended up one of my favourites ever. Em, I answered an ask of yours way back in 2015, “introduce us to two of your OCs” :o) The first was him, the second was Marguerite LeBeau.

“Tommy? Is that you? Tommy Ferguson?”

The diamond is the reason the O’Connell-Carnahan gang goes to Egypt, but without Tommy, there’d be no plot. Hamilton would probably still find a way to “retrieve” the diamond from the museum, only without Evy and her family getting personally involved and then having to go back to the UK saying she failed her mission. and then cue the end of the world about a week and a half from there, but shhh - spoilers!

The fellow shook his head, still looking a bit dazed; then his own eyes, round and brown, (so he’s the opposite of Jon in almost every way, physically speaking. Like I said in the aforementioned OC ask, I designed him as a foil for Jon, fundamentally different in some ways but very similar in others. Physically speaking he’s basically Sean Astin (with some James Corden thrown in) with brown eyes, blond hair, and a Liverpool accent.) went even rounder as he stared at Jonathan. “Jon! What the hell are you doing ‘ere?”

For the longest time Tommy used to call Jonathan by his last name here (and Jon’s earlier line used to be “Ferguson? Is that you? Tommy Ferguson?”). I changed it quite recently. I think I wanted to convey the idea that school friends at the time often called each other by their last names; but since he calls Jonathan “Jon” 100% of the time - and is the only one to do so, which I have Feelings about - I went back to correct it.

“Glad to see you too, old chap,” laughed Jonathan, standing up and dusting himself off before offering a hand at the man on the ground, who accepted it gladly.

Heh. Look, one of the staples of Mummy fanfiction was and still is the old school friend of Evy’s who follows either the siblings (TM time) or the whole family (TMR/post-TMR time) to Egypt and falls in love with Ardeth Bay. I’m not throwing stones here; I’ve read a couple I really liked. There’s the odd Jonathan/OFC romance, too. What I set out to do as a baby writer (I was 21 at the time!) and unsuspecting ace was to write something completely devoid of romance (except the odd Evy/Rick snuggle and, of course, all-encompassing love for each other). And then, as I reread the story for rewrites a decade and a half later, I became more and more convinced that Jonathan and Tommy used to be more than friends, and then when Elizabeth came along the three of them got together as a thruple and very happy for a while. (For some reason I couldn’t work this explicitly into FTaH, though - it felt too much like hinting at this huge story I was never going to write and might have made FTaH much too crowded. So it’s up to the reader to decide, really. Personally, I like both options.) So here’s 37 year old me shipping Jon with a female OC and a male OC, and quite enthusiastically, at that. *chuckles* Wonder what my 21 y-o self would think of it…

He hadn’t seen Thomas Ferguson since some time after the end of the war, what felt like ages ago. They’d made quite a pair at Oxford, the two of them – the scrawny, foppish Southerner with the quiet grin and the sticky fingers, and the broad-shouldered, round-faced Scouser with the laughing eyes and the deceptively innocent face. They’d rowed for the Dark Blues for a bit, got properly pickled on Boat Race Nights, and helped each other out of many a tight spot. Oh, for the halcyon days of youth.

One of the reasons I picked up FTaH again is because the second half of 2019 was very, very British for me. I saw (and read) Good Omens for the first time in early June and my feelings exploded; July was very much about discovering the delights of P.G. Wodehouse’s Jeeves and Wooster (TV show and books). Halfway through that month I remembered my everlasting fondness for the characters of The Mummy and realised the protagonists and Bertie were the same generation, more or less, and I started imagining a crossover. By the time August rolled in I was fully into TM/TMR again, reading fic and my fingers itching to at least correct some iffy parts of FTaH. This last sentence, about Jon’s and Tom’s Oxford days, would never have come out that way if I hadn’t read Wodehouse.

As soon as Tommy was on his feet he was wringing Jonathan’s hand with all the energy he’d been famous for as a boy. “Sorry, Jon, mate, I was a bit stunned –” After all these years, he still retained some of that accent, too! “– En’t everyday you bump into a pal from Oxford in the middle of Cairo! How’d you get here, for starters?”

…Tommy’s accent. *sighs* I’m not a fan of writing accents phonetically in the first place. When I write Newkirk (Hogan’s Heroes) and his Cockney accent, there isn’t much except the odd “me” for “my” or things like “d’you”. I did have to make it obvious Tommy had an accent, though, if only because later Jonathan is surprised when he tones it down to speak with the curator. (This is something his 18 year old self found incredibly difficult, btw.) @thisstableground oversaw the first chapter and gave me very valuable tips, including “en’t” (// “ain’t), which was super helpful in giving Tommy’s accent its own specificity and meant that I didn’t need him to drop “h”s and “g”s all over the place. (which he does do, but hopefully not in a way that takes you away from the story.)

As for why he’s from Liverpool as opposed to, say, Manchester or the East End of London, the answer is very simple. I’d discovered the Beatles a year or two prior and they remain one of my favourite bands in the whole world ♥

“Well, I followed my sister,” Jonathan replied, grinning. In fifteen years or so, he had not realised how much he had actually missed this accent. “She’s giving a hand to the curator of the Museum of Antiquities – she’s something of an authority now, as a matter of fact.”

“Oh aye? That’s fantastic. I en’t forgotten how you’d talk about her, y’know. On and on and on. I’m curious to see what she looks like.”

Somethingthat didn’t change after rewrites is the idea that Jon was verysecretive about his Oxford years. Tom and Evy never met before this,and Evy hadn’t even heard about Tom before.

Jonathan stole a glance at the entrance steps of the Museum, and turned to Tommy with a smirk. “Really? Well, if you really want to, I suppose I could…”

His sister had just appeared on the stairs, accompanied by the curator, an elderly man with greying hair and whiskers. The curator, Dr Fahad Hakim, has a somewhat larger role later on, but this is just a cameo to let you know he exists :o) There’s another mention earlier, too. Tommy followed Jonathan’s gaze and looked at them, goggling at Evy in particular.

“Jon – are my eyes mistaken, or is this gorgeous woman Doctor Evelyn O’Connell? I’ve read about her, she’s famous in my line of work… According to what I’ve read, she was one of the first people to make it out of the City of the Dead alive –”

He doesn’t say what his “line of work” is, but we (and Jonathan) can infer it has something to do with archaeology or Egyptology. And, incidentally, I’m setting up the first alarm bells here because, as Evy points out in the following chapter, at the time her name was “Carnahan”, so how come Tommy didn’t seem to make the connection between Jon’s bookish sister and this English librarian with the same name? The answer is: because he’s nervous (because he’s in Cairo on secret Chamber of Horus business) and as delighted as he is to see Jon again after so many years his brain went “YOU KNOW NOTHING” then backpedalled and went “…OKAY, YOU KNOW SOME THINGS.”

Jonathan’s grin widened as he nodded. “Yes, that’d be her.”

Tommy rambled on as they walked closer to the stairs, “That’s bloody amazing! I thought she’d look, you know, like in the pictures in the paper, the bookish type with glasses – your typical Southern spinster,” he added with a wink. They waited for the curator to bid her goodbye, and Jonathan, greatly enjoying the situation, crept up on his sister to kiss her on the cheek.

“Hey there, old mum – how’s your day been?”

Evy started, then her expression shifted from slightly irked to a smile at her brother’s laugh. She rolled her eyes. “Honestly, Jonathan, the things that amuse you…”

SIBS!!! I love writing siblings, and those two in particular. One of the things that I find amusing/endearing is how comfortable they are with each other, physically (and emotionally) speaking. It’s all gentle touch here, light slap there, running hand in hand, lots of things you wouldn’t expect from two Very English siblings from the first half of the 20th century.

“You’re just miffed that I startled you. C’mon, I’d like you to meet someone – an admirer,” he added with a grin to Tommy, who stood there, his eyes wide. “Thomas Ferguson, an old school friend of mine. Tommy – Evelyn Carnahan O’Connell, my famous baby sister.”

There’s a couple of instances where someone introduces Tom as “Thomas”, or Tom introducing himself as such. Most of the time, though, he’s “Tommy” - until chapter 9, where we spend some time in his head for the first time and see he thinks of himself as “Tom”, and when we go back to Jon’s PoV in chapter 11 Jonathan made the mental switch to “Tom”, as well, to separate the boy from his youth from the man he’s become. I actually spell it out in chapter 17: “A lot had happened since that late afternoon in Giza when his friend had pointed a gun at him and stopped being ‘Tommy’. ‘Tommy’ was a warm memory of loud laughter, daring escapes, bright eyes over pints clinking in the comfortable darkness of a well-loved pub. Tom, on the other hand, was a fairly decent man chucked into a complex situation, who had a wife he loved dearly but lied to about his job, who had not wanted to bring harm to an old friend but had done so anyway.”

Evy held out her hand, which Tommy grabbed and shook heartily. “So you’re the old scoundrel’s sister? No wonder he talked about you – though you don’t quite fit the description now…”

“What exactly did you tell your ‘school friends’ about me?” asked Evy, warning in her voice, though the twinkle in her eye did not quite disappear. Nevertheless, Jonathan preferred to ignore her question, earning a hard nudge in the ribs.

He bragged, actually. A lot. Since he thought Tommy and Lizzie would never meet Evy, Jonathan considered himself free to speak quite enthusiastically of his baby sister’s achievements and how bright she was. Of course, he also complained a good deal, because even at 12 Evy had a penchant for being bossy that came out even in letters.

“So, what did you say your ‘line of work’ was?” he asked Tommy.

“Well – don’t laugh. I work at the British Consulate in Cairo, specialising in antique stuff. Oh, I’m sorry, Dr O’Connell,” he stammered with a glance at Evy who had an eyebrow raised, “I mean I’m one of the chief agents in the British Antique Research Department.”

No he’s not! He’s actually a secret agent, kinda :D And not remotely close to a “chief agent”, at that. Tom Ferguson is deeply in love with his wife and nothing will ever change that state of affairs, but he might have a little intellectual crush on Evy, which leads him to… wanting to impress her a little bit.

“I’ve heard of you!” exclaimed Evy. “At least of that Research Department. They’re gradually cutting off public funds – encouraging individual financing – but that won’t do any good for scientific research! Such a stupid decision is only going to –”

“So you lot are the ones she kept fuming about for half a year!” Jonathan snorted. The infamous Ferguson rotten luck struck again.

I still regret I didn’t find more opportunities to showcase how ridiculously unlucky Tommy could get sometimes. Ah well.

Tommy looked dejected. Evy must have seen this, because she bit her lip and said, in softer tones, “Look, I’m sorry I snapped at you. But as my brother said, I’ve been… rather upset over this. There’s been some pressure on the British Museum lately by private patrons who threatened to pull out their funding on some… sensitive collections. Without the Crown to back us up, we might have to cave in to their ridiculous demands.”

Before the rewrites, Evy’s speech used to be a lot more “private funding is bad” without much nuance or justification. I changed it to something that hopefully makes sense and justifies her previous outburst. 

“I’ll – I’ll tell my superiors about it,” said Tommy, still looking unsure. “See what I can do. I’m sure it won’t be much, but… Well. I’ll have tried.”

“That’s nice,” Evy said cheerfully, taking Jonathan’s arm and starting to walk. See what I mean about physicality? She doesn’t even ask him with a look, just takes his arm and that’s that. And he lets her, because he’d do the same thing. “Look, the two of you – I’ve had something of a rough day, so I’ll go home, if you don’t mind. You can –”

“Brilliant idea!” said Jonathan, flashing a grin at his sister. “I thought of going to the Sultan’s Casbah, but you might find it a tad – let’s say – dingy, my good friend.”

The Sultan’s Casbah, in the novelisation of the film and my personal headcanon, was the bar Jonathan patronised the night before the first time we see Evy and where he stole a valuable-looking puzzle box from an unsuspecting drunk American. 

“Worse than the Turf?” Seeing Evy’s puzzled look, Tommy explained, “Sorry, private joke. I mean the Turf Tavern, that’s where I saw him for the first time. Me family didn’t ‘ave much money, so I used to work there to pay for my studies. Very nice pub, didn’t deserve the reputation.”

The Best Beloved and I took a trip to Oxford in the spring of 2003 (by bus - 20 hours to get there, same to come back home) and while we were so broke we had to settle for a soup and some rice in a lovely Thai restaurant we did go for a drink at the Turf. I remember a dimly-lit room with dark wood, and I think either they changed a lot of it or my memory isn’t that good because it doesn’t really look like that on the Google Maps pics. Still, I liked it, and when I needed an Oxford pub for the story it’s the one I worked in. Incidentally, there was a lot of illegal gambling going on in there in the 19th century, hence Tommy’s mention of the pub’s bad reputation.

“I’m sure you did indeed see a lot of my brother there,” Evy slipped in slyly. Jonathan threw a mock glare at her.

“To think you are almost my only family. What a shame.” Then, as Tommy looked uncertain, he added, “Carry on, Tom.”

“All right. So I was one of the only students who needed a job, and there were some others who thought that it was – how’d they put it? – a ‘disgrace’ to our university.”

“Preposterous,” said Evy sternly. “As if money could take you further than talent.”

Jonathan bit back on the cynical comment that crossed his mind. Sometimes Evy’s naïveté baffled him.

“Right,” said Tommy uncertainly, glancing at Jonathan. “So, one day, a little bunch of lads come in, and Jon here was sometimes hanging with ‘em at the time –”

Because Jonathan likes to gamble with people with deep pockets :P

Evy glared at Jonathan in advance, and he threw his hands in the air. “Don’t look at me like that! I haven’t done anything!” Evy’s gaze softened, and Jonathan finished, “…Yet.”

That earned him a playful slap on the arm, and a laugh from Tommy, who went on, “Anyway, one of the blokes orders somethin’ or other, and starts to poke fun at me. Well, I was used to it, so I let them be. Then they continued, and I finally noticed that skinny lad in the corner who was makin’ fun of them for making fun of me. Didn’t quite understand what the hell was going on – oh, sorry, Dr O’Connell – what was happening.”

While John Hannah is not “skinny” by any stretch, he is rather svelte, and one of my unimpeachable headcanons for Jonathan is that he was skinny as a rake in his youth - until he went through basic training (then WW1) and his shoulders filled out a little. It’s more or less what happened to the Best Beloved, so I feel quite secure in this headcanon’s plausibility. Plus, picturing 18 year old Jonathan as a mix of awkward gangliness and skinny limbs and aristocratic poise is just funny. (and I find the comparison with Tommy - who at that point was soft and a little chubby but already had broad shoulders - rather endearing.)

Evy smiled. “You’ll have to watch your mouth in front of my son, but otherwise it’s fine. And please, call me Evelyn.”

Tommy beamed. “Right, uh, Evelyn. So, uh –”

“What he didn’t know at that point,” interrupted Jonathan, “was that I had my eye on that fellow – what’s his name – Farbow. He owed me quite a bit of money, but wouldn’t repay me. So I was looking for a way to get him back for it.”

“And get the rest of his wallet in the process, of course.”

“Evy, he owed me seventeen pounds. (Which used to be £70 until I did some research and saw that £17 was A Bloody Fortune a the time.) And he was not what I’d call a ‘decent bloke’ – nasty, disdainful piece of work he was, and his little friends with him. Always a dirty word about the Scouser who worked at the Turf Tavern, just because he didn’t belong to his snobby little world. I did the community a favour, really.”

What he doesn’t say is that Edwin Farbow also had a lot to say about “half-Egyptian mongrels” who thought they belonged in those ancient walls. Too bad I couldn’t find a way to work it in this particular fic. If I ever manage to finish at least Tommy’s part of One-Step, Two-Step, Waltz, the first chapter of Pirouette features the whole scene.

“Don’t push it, Jonathan,” warned Evy.

Tommy carried on. “Well, I was glad there was at least one person who didn’t think like Edwin Farbow – nice change. Then Farbow said something – I don’t remember what it was about, I just remember it made me really angry, really. An’ it’s not a pretty sight when I’m really angry at someone.”

It’s always the quiet, genial ones, isn’t it.

Jonathan remembered, but thought it wise to keep his mouth shut.

Both because what Farbow said was pretty damn offensive to Tommy’s character, background, and lineage, and also because Farbow’s rant included “It’s bad enough they let inpeople like Carnahan, who only exists because a glorifiedgrave-robber shagged some darkey and didn’t even have the decencyto pretend otherwise –” and he really doesn’t want to bring this up in front of Evy, who’s had to deal with her own share of this kind of racist bullshit and doesn’t need a reminder.

“An’ – an’ I just lost it, y’know? I dropped his tea over his ‘ead –”

“I say, that one was pretty funny,” Jonathan said, smiling widely at the memory. The strangled yelp that had followed had definitely been one of the best parts.

“So they all leaped for me, obviously – began to punch me, the five or six of them – hey, I still managed to get back at them!” Tommy added quickly, as if defending his honour. Evy hid a smile, and it occurred to Jonathan that that last sentence had something very Rick-like about it. “But I en’t a fool. I know a losing fight when I’m in one.”

“Don’t tell me. Jonathan bravely threw himself into the fight to take on as many attackers as possible.” There was mischievous laughter in Evy’s voice, and her eyes were twinkling. If anyone other than her had quipped that way about him, Jonathan would probably have taken offence, or at least pretended to. But they knew each other enough not to cross the line.

Tommy raised an eyebrow. “Well, that wasn’t quite Jon’s style – I don’ know, might’ve changed since then. But yeah, he did. One moment I was squashed under five or six, the next I found out we were two on the floor.”

This was perhaps the biggest suspension of disbelief I’m asking the reader to make - which, in a story where governments have secret agencies to keep an eye on magical ancient artefacts and a diamond has magic powers, is saying something. Jonathan throwing himself into a fight because someone he loves (ie. four people in the whole world that we know of) is in danger? Yep, that checks out, that’s what he does both in TM and TMR. But an (almost) complete stranger? I needed one hell of a justification. Which ended up… 60% Farbow’s money and 40% Farbow being a giant arsehole who had no business making decent bartenders look like that.

Evy began to laugh. “Why, Jonathan? My Jonathan, in a fight, for someone he barely knew?”

At that Jonathan cleared his throat, a mite embarrassed. “I told you, I was looking for Farbow’s wallet. That was the perfect diversion – you should’ve seen that twit looking in every corner for his lost wallet afterwards. It was three months before he gave up.” And it’s lucky you didn’t see me then. I was a bloody mess. “Why’re you looking at me like that?”

“Nothing.” Evy smiled. “You never told me that.”

To be fair, there’s a LOT of things he never told you, old girl ;o)

“Should I have?”

“I don’t know, it’s – it was nice of you to do that, even for the wrong reasons. I’m proud of you.”

Jonathan felt an unexpected lump rise in his throat. Not a very big one, but enough to keep him from talking for a few seconds. It was always like this whenever she said something really nice to him. It caught him off guard each and every time.

Look, it took me years to realise it, but I’m a sucker for validation. Sometimes it bleeds out on characters I write.

After a little while, Evy stopped in front of a door and announced, “Well, we’re home.”

“Nice house,” commented Tommy, taking in the sand-coloured neat front and the curtains at the windows.

“Our ‘old haunt’ since the family moved to Egypt,” Jonathan said, opening the door and stepping aside to let his sister in. “Evy wasn’t even walking then.”

In the first film, Evy, Rick, Jonathan and the remainder of the American party go straight to Fort Brydon, and the next thing we see is Evy emptying her suitcase while Rick tries to fill it. Since both Carnahan siblings actually live in Cairo, I thought they would live in an actual house, and from there I extrapolated that the family had one house in England (the manor we see in TMR) and a smaller pied-à-terre in Cairo.

“I do believe I was,” Evy protested.

Jonathan snorted. “Oh, you weren’t. You crawled.”

si b l i n gssss ♥♥ And like, you can always count on a big sib to remind you that you could be ridiculous as a kid. I should know, I’m the big sister :D

Evy seemed to resist the urge to slap her brother and walked into the living room, her nose in the air. She was greeted by two simultaneous voices:

“Mum!”

“Hey, hon.”

Rick’s first words in this story, and it’s greeting his wife ^^ I didn’t do it on purpose, but it’s. Y’know. There.

Jonathan waited a few seconds, then walked into the room in turn, and grinned at the sight of his nephew looking genuinely eager to see him. He was not fooled, however – as soon as Evy wasn’t looking, Alex mouthed the words “Got one?” and frowned as his uncle shook his head. No, he still had no present for Mum’s birthday.

Evy’s birthday mainly originated as a device to get characters (especially Jonathan) moving. It’s the reason he’s roaming the streets of Cairo just before he bumps into Tommy, and why he and Alex go to the bazaar in chapter 5. It also pops up further on in the story, but I’m not saying anything because spoilers.

“Uncle Jon? Who’s that?”

“Who, him?” Jonathan pointed at Tommy behind him, looking uncomfortable at the family reunion, and Alex rolled his eyes. “Tom Ferguson, he was in class with me at Oxford. I ran into him by chance today.”

Tommy stepped past Jonathan and held out his hand to Alex, nearest to him. “Hi – glad to meet you. Jon’s nephew, eh?”

“Yeah,” said Alex, eyeing him with all the suspicion of a ten-year-old who’d seen what he had seen. Behind him, Rick’s eyes spoke loads about his own distrust. But mistrust towards Jonathan and everything related was par for the course on his part, and, admittedly, reasonable.

Alex has Seen Things. This may sound tongue-in-cheek, but it’s true. After what happened in TMR, he’s 100% entitled to being suspicious of strangers. As for Rick, I took my cue from one of his first lines to Jon in TMR being “What did you do this time?” implying that the weird shit happening right now, with the men in red and the sexy lady waving snakes around isn’t exactly unheard of. Hence the “and, admittedly, reasonable”, which I added in the rewrites.

“Thomas Ferguson, British Antique Research Department,” said Tommy, holding out a hand towards Rick, who shook it slowly, still reluctant.

“Rick O’Connell.”

“So you’re Dr O’Connell’s husband? Pleasure to meet you, sir. I’m impressed, you’ve no idea.”

Rick raised an eyebrow. “Impressed?”

“It seems I’m rather famous in the Research Department,” said Evy, laughing.

“Make that infamous,” quipped Jonathan.

“The Department owes your wife a great deal. She was the one who uncovered a huge amount of our information about some obscure periods of Egyptian history, as well as the major part of serious knowledge we’ve got on Hamunaptra,” Tommy pointed out, and Evy blushed. “She’s a legend – one of the original three who managed to go to Hamunaptra and live to tell the tale! But… I assume you’re another one?”

Oh, Tommy. MATE. You’re saying you know three people made it out of Hamunaptra alive, one of whom a woman with the exact same first and last name as your best friend’s sister who had a passion for ancient history, but you had no idea he was one of them as well? 

Incidentally, the early installment weirdness I mentioned earlier mostly consists in Tommy being a lot more energetic and innocent-looking than he later proves to be (which is a little more grounded and pragmatic than Jon). In fact, he and Jonathan’s first couple of scenes together give the impression that he’s the red and Jon’s the blue in the “Bue oni, red oni” trope, when later chapters show Jon as a little bit more of a disaster while Tom struggles to make better choices and be more sensible. Which in the end would make them shades of purple, really.

“Yeah,” said Rick, looking a bit nonplussed. Jonathan definitely didn’t regret bringing Tommy in. Seeing Rick O’Connell confused was a very rare occurrence, too rare to be missed.

“I never knew – who was the third one?”

Jonathan was now struggling to keep a straight face. Rick blinked, and pointed at his brother-in-law. “That was him.”

“You!?” God, the look on his face was priceless. “You were at Hamunaptra?”

“Yes,” risked Jonathan, laughter rising in his voice. “And believe me, it wasn’t exactly a picnic. Oh, by the way, there were four of us, not three.”

Meaning Ardeth, of course. My take is that Tommy - and by extension the Chamber of Horus - know about as much about the Medjai as Evy knew about the Book of Amun-Ra prior to the events of TM: a non-negligible amount of information, but all of it second-hand and some of it a bit dicey.

From the corner of his eye, he could see Rick roll his eyes and grinned, undaunted. This was proving to be a fun evening.

Make the most of it, people, because it’s all going to go downhill fast…

Thank you ♥♥♥

[shenlongshao]

GG Strive Thoughts: Part 3

Welcome to the last part of my Guilty Gear Strive thoughts!^_^ I'll be focusing on the art-style and character designs, so there will be lots of pictures in this post. I hope you enjoy reading!

Art-Style & Graphics ---------------

Guilty Gear's visuals always had a detailed, Sci-Fi fantasy anime look with creativity of the 1990s and early 2000s. This mostly stayed the same until Xrd SIGN, which introduced 3D cel-shaded graphics in a new way. The art-style also changed a bit from previous games, although it has kept its creativity.

GG Xrd SIGN and the following games(Revelator and Revelator 2) look beautiful, but it took me a while to get used to the art-style because of those dreaded chins. The characters should've just used their chins to fight cause of how long and pointy they are; just go "SLLASSHHHH!" XD  Certain features of characters were exaggerated like Sol's shoulders being a bit too wide for his body or how Baiken's hair is thicker and spikier. Some people say it's "too anime", but that isn't the right word for it. I would say "whimsical" is main trait from the art-style, which is fitting for how funny the interactions are in-game and lighter tone in story.

Guilty Gear Strive keeps the cel-shaded 3D graphics, but manages to expand it further. Instead of its presentation akin to an anime TV series, it's now akin to a high-budget anime movie with detail given to both the characters and the environments. It's less whimsical this time, giving the impression the story will be darker in tone. I'm really happy the art-style was changed to being closer to the older GG games like X2; no more ice-cream cone chins!XD  The characters also got redesigned to match the essence of the new game. I'll be talking about eachone in order from least to most in terms of design changes. I'll also rate them in Guilty Gear style grade form. POTEMKIN ------------------- There seems to be mixed reactions when Potemkin got revealed for GG Strive. Some were happy he looked generally the same while others were a little disappointed and asked, "How come he didn't get a huge redesign like the other characters?!" The answer is he already did; this is how Potemkin originally looked like in the GG series.

This design relates to Potemkin's story in the beginning. The Zepp empire in the past was a very corrupted, technology advanced nation. It contained battle-slaves with strength enhancement steriods and bound them with a special limiter. Potemkin was one of these battle-slaves with his huge, red metal color being the limiter. If he ever took it off, it would explode. However, Zepp was changed when Gabriel became President and freed all the Zeppian slaves, including Potemkin. He now serves as Gabriel's bodyguard out of genuine loyalty, gratitude, and care for his mentor and the renewed Zepp.

Judging on his old design by itself, I think he looked average(based on what he's wearing). His features definitely fit the saying "don't judge a book by its cover" because Potemkin is actually a gentle giant who's very intelligent. But the way he looks(except when interacting with certain characters), it's like he wants to break someone's bones, lol.

In the concept artwork in Guilty Gear X Plus(Japanese exclusive game), it hinted of what Potemkin will eventually developed into look-wise and story-wise. Even the pose from this pic was used later in Xrd SIGN. I really wish the design of the boots was used instead those weird looking ones he's wearing now, XD.

Now to look at Potemkin's design in Xrd SIGN.

This is Potemkin's drastic redesign needed because of the changes in his life and his resolve being tested. I love this design so much because it accurately portrays Potemkin's personality. The first is his steel helmet with a spike at the top, accented with the Zepp symbol at the center of his forehead. His face is mostly shrouded in darkness except for the glowing lens. The yellow ponytail fur attached adds to the essence of a modern steel knight. Next is the black collar having spikes at the front; he also has on spiked shoulder plates to emphasis his strength. The power part is also in the round-shaped limiters attached to the upper parts of his uniform and glove compartment of his gauntlets. The design of his gauntlets is derived from the GGX Plus concept art, except the gloves completely cover his fingers and has a robotic aesthetic to it. I notice green is the most dominant color in Potemkin's design and there's a reason why besides it being Zepp's uniform.

Here is the Green Personality taken from Color Psychology (https://www.empower-yourself-with-color-psychology.com/personality-color-green.html):

You are a practical, down-to-earth person with a love of nature. You are stable and well balanced or are striving for balance - in seeking this balance, you can at times become unsettled and anxious. Having a personality color green means you are kind, generous and compassionate - good to have around during a crisis as you remain calm and take control of the situation until it is resolved.

You are caring and nurturing to others - however you must be careful not to neglect your own needs while giving to others. You are intelligent and love to learn - you are quick to understand new concepts. You are a good citizen and like to be involved in community groups. You have high moral standards and doing the right thing is important to you.

There is more, but I only taken pieces that describe Potemkin's personality, showing why green is his main color. Now onto his look in GG Strive starting with his helmet.

On the forehead of the helmet, the Zepp symbol is no longer a design mark, but an carved symbol with the words "Armor-clad faith" underneath. Instead of just darkness on his face, it accentuates the robotic aesthetic with the gears and the lens having an orange tint. Next is a full body screenshot of Potemkin.

The spiked shoulder plates is less noticeable and his uniform is more formal. There's now a maroon-red collar with white trim and yellow buttons. The spikes on the black collar part of his outfit is gone, there's thick pockets on the lower part of his suit and has a brown belt instead of black. His boots is also brown instead of black and the plates around his feet is orange instead of red. There's additional limiters on his upper back that is revealed when doing certain attacks, showing his power has grown more. His muscle mass has also gotten super HUGE to the point I wouldn't be surprised if he reached Sentinel(X-Men) size, XD.

Design Rating: S++(Fantastic!) SOL BADGUY ------------ ---------- Sol Badguy is the main protagonist, so there was never a worry or surprise of his GG Strive design. There's also the fact his design isn't really new; it's heavily derived from the artwork of Guilty Gear 2:Overture. But first is looking at Sol's most iconic design from the GG series.

I'll always love this design because I think it's stylish, cool, and timeless. He's handsome in the traditional tough-guy way and perfectly fits the anti-hero type. His metal red headband acts as a limiter for his Gear powers and has the words "Rock You" in the center of his forehead. Besides it symbolizing his love for Queen's "Sheer Heart Attack" music album and controlling his Gear powers, it also symbolizes how he keeps his inner thoughts to himself and close-mindedness. He wears a black undershirt layered with a sleeveless, chest-length red jacket with a buckle strap. This style is very unconventional, which is exactly Sol is; he doesn't follow typical conventions. His red and black gloves conveys his toughness while his belt with the "FREE" tells of his philosophy. This also hints complexity to his nature since the belt is from when he was in the Holy Order, an aspect of his past. This shows he's inwardly caring and values the people in life along with his experiences. Lastly, is his white pants accented with buckles and red shoes.

The GG2:Overture Short Stories goes into some detail of the events before the game like how he was entrusted to raise Sin(Ky & Dizzy's son), etc. The major difference with Sol's design from the short stories is he's wearing a sensible red jacket similar to his old one, but its design still has traits of being its own style. His black undershirt is slightly different with a small V-shape cut-out in the middle, longer sleeves, and slightly loose around his stomach instead of fitted. His gloves has more of a biker vibe to them and no aspect of red nor buckles within them. He still wears red shoes on his feet, though tweaked in its looks. While this did hinted of Sol's character development, it wasn't a large factor because alot of the huge events at the time and before were placed on him rather than him confronting it by himself. It's why for Xrd SIGN, he primary reverted to his iconic look, though his GG2:Overture Short Stories look did get tweaked and used within the game's Story Mode. Now for his GG Strive look.

His GG Strive design blends both his GG2:Overture Short Stories look and aspects of his iconic design, which I really like. The red jacket with black trim conveys his free-spirited persona, yet also comfortable and relaxed. There's also a little bit more white seen on the cuffs of his jacket, meaning his heart is more open. This relates to his character development of finally confronting his past, his feelings, and his relationships. But he's still Sol Badguy and there's much for him to find out and explore, especially since red and black is still his main colors. There is deep meaning to this too.

Red Personality(https://www.empower-yourself-with-color-psychology.com/personality-color-red.html):

You are action oriented and physically active - sex is a necessity to you - you have strong survival instincts. Lovers of red are the explorers and pioneers of the world, the entrepreneurs and builders who like to be first in discovering new physical realms. You are always in a hurry, wanting to do everything right now. Patience is not one of your strong points. Red people can be aggressive and easy to anger, often exhibiting a violent temper - this is negative passion and energy. You flare up instantaneously but calm down quite quickly once you get it out of your system and then forget it ever happened. You have a strong need for power and control which is connected to your basic survival instincts.

Black Personality(https://www.empower-yourself-with-color-psychology.com/personality-color-black.html):

You are independent, strong-willed and determined and like to be in control of yourself and situations. You may appear intimidating to even your closest colleagues and friends, with an authoritarian, demanding and dictatorial attitude. You hold things inside and are not good at sharing yourself with others, possibly out of fear. You may be retreating behind black during a difficult time in your life such as a serious illness or a period of grief - black protects, allowing for a deep inner healing without interference from others. I'll add traits of the color White since there's a noticeable amount on Sol.(https://www.empower-yourself-with-color-psychology.com/color-white.html): Positive traits of White: Simplicity, self-efficient, growth/new beginnings, open, equality, rescuer, and sense of completion. These traits describe Sol. Overall, I like the design and feel it suits him well. Design Rating: S+++(Perfect!) MAY ----------- So far, May is the only female character revealed for the initial roster of GG Strive. There's mixed reactions with May's redesign for the new game. Some are happy she finally looks like she's in her early to mid teens(like 14 or 16) instead like a little girl. But others aren't happy with the changes to her outfit, saying it's bland. Let's look at May's iconic design. 

In my opinion, May is the coolest looking child character. Her open-sides style coat with side slits layered with a skin-tight bodysuit blends both cute and stylish. Adding to it is the tricon pirate hat, silver plating on her wrists and neckline, and orange short boots with black trim. Lastly, a black belt is around her waist while buckles accents her orange coat. This shows she's spunky, cheerful, and deceptively strong. In the story, her origins was unknown at the time, which perfectly fits due to there's black as part of color scheme(one of the meaning for black is mystery). Story-wise, May's development gradually grows from finding Johnny and later recruiting Dizzy as a member of the crew. Her curiosity of her heritage surfaces, causing some changes in her design.

In Xrd SIGN, Her skin-tight bodysuit is gone and replaced with just a black, fitted tank underneath her orange overalls. Her pants is loose-fitting along with having a big buckle around her waist and different boots still in orange with black trim. She doesn't have the silver plating collar, but other aspects of her iconic look like her pirate hat is kept. May finally finds out she's Japanese and dealing a mysterious condition that (currently) can't be cured. This is a huge story development for May that leads to be expanded further and another redesign. First is looking up the facial shot of May for Guilty Gear Strive.

May's facial features is the first noticeable difference. The art-style is a strong factor in this, but May looks physically older. She still has big, cute brown eyes, though not as large as in Xrd SIGN. This makes her face appear a little longer face to convey a hint of maturity. Yet, she still hasn't escaped being just cute in an innocent way. Another difference is her hair is slightly shorten to halfway to her back instead to her waist. It's also loose instead of a thick ponytail within her pirate hat, which I think it's a nice little change. Her hat is shaped more round instead of oversized tricon while still retaining the pirate skull at the front. The anchor design on the sides makes it both simple, yet stylish. Now to see the full body of May's new look!

.....Lol, May is wearing a dumb orange hoodie, XD. What's worse is the hoodie has no special designs pertaining to May's personality or style; it's overly casual. There's also no shape, making her look like a fat fish. The skin-tight black short-shorts doesn't help with how oversized the hoodie is, which if it weren't for certain angles, it gives the illusion she isn't wearing anything on her lower body. It looks like lounge wear meant to be worn around the house instead of clothing a person would wear going on an adventure. Speaking of adventure, she has a backpack.

The backpack itself is cute because it's Chimaki(mascot of GG) and do see the the letter J with a heart; meaning love for Johnny. But other than this, this backpack also doesn't really relate to May. Besides being the mascot for the series, Chimaki is specific to Sin because it's favorite toy. None of May's official art ever showed her having a Chimaki toy or accessory. The casual look gives me the impression she quit the Jellyfish Pirates, but her winning animation of her saying "Jellyfish victory!" and Leap(the elderly lady who cooks) being there disproves this theory. Besides the hat, the only things kept from her iconic look is her gloves and boots. There's a heart on one of her thighs; a fitting aspect for a pirate.

Now to look at the Orange personality since it's May's main color(https://www.empower-yourself-with-color-psychology.com/personality-color-orange.html): 

With orange as your favorite color, you are warm, optimistic, extroverted and often flamboyant. You are friendly, good-natured and a generally agreeable person. You are assertive and determined rather than aggressive - having a personality color orange means you are more light-hearted and less intense than those who love red. You thrive on human social contact and social gatherings, bringing all types together.

You live your life based on your 'gut reactions'. You are an adventurer - you love the outdoor life, camping, climbing mountains and indulging in adventurous sports such as sky diving and hang gliding. You are the daredevil, always looking towards your next challenge, your next great adventure. 

This definitely fits May's nature. My impression of her simpler look probably hints of May is unsure of herself and trying to figure something out. Her expression in her new character portrait has this too; it's the first one of her not smiling. But I still think this new look for May is bad(except for the hat,  the boots, and the gloves). Her design should've been something like this picture link below.

https://imgur.com/Ue1XdhT The top would need to cover her stomach, but this design perfectly fits with May's nature and role as a Jellyfish Pirate. It also conveys she's adventurous and can easily implemented the backpack as part of the design. But it wasn't used... I'm nicknaming her May of the Jelly-Fat, lol. Worst design so far(and hopefully the only one). Design Rating:D(for Derailed) KY KISKE ----------------- Ky's radical redesign for GG Strive was such a huge shock to everyone. At first, people thought it was Sin(Ky's son) until examining him closely. It's funny how many people are saying "Ky's handsome now" and saying he has an athletic body when in reality, he always did, XD. It isn't the first time Ky got big changes to his look based on the events in his life, but I'm going to focus on Ky's iconic design.

Ky is the opposite of Sol; the traditional knight-in-shining-armor type hero. This is another design I'll call timeless and my personal favorite look for Ky. He's very handsome in a princely way, which is fitting since Ky is a French noble. He wears a white shoulder cape containing a high collar with blue trim. It's attached to the blue knight-tunic with black trim in the front, accented with a white, trench-coat like detail. There's twin belts attached to his blue and black gloves while one is on his matching boots. Layered underneath his uniform is his black and white, sleeveless turtle neck and fitted detached sleeves. The belt around his waist with "HOPE" conveys Ky's philosophy. This attire is the Holy Order uniform, which conveys how strongly Ky holds onto the teachings and experiences he had during those times. His story at the time was about fulfilling his duty and doing what he knows and believes is right. Blue and white has always been Ky's main colors, which tells alot about his personality.

Meaning of White Personality(https://www.empower-yourself-with-color-psychology.com/personality-color-white.html): 

Having a personality color white means you are neat and immaculate in your appearance, in the presentation of your home and in your car, almost to the point of being fanatical. You are far-sighted, with a positive and optimistic nature. You are well-balanced, sensible, discreet and wise. You think carefully before acting - you are definitely not prone to impulsive behavior. You tend to have a great deal of self control. You may appear to be shy, but you do have strong beliefs about most things and love the opportunity to air those beliefs. The challenge for you is to be open-minded and flexible and to communicate your needs and desires. Meaning of Blue Personality(https://www.empower-yourself-with-color-psychology.com/personality-color-blue.html):   You are conservative, reliable and trustworthy - you are quite trusting of others although you are very wary in the beginning until you are sure of the other person. At the same time, you also have a deep need to be trusted. You are not impulsive or spontaneous - you always think before you speak and act and do everything at your own pace in your own time. You take time to process and share your feelings. You are genuine and sincere, and you take your responsibilities seriously. Having a personality color blue means you have a deep need for peace and harmony in your everyday life - you don't like having your feathers ruffled. You would benefit from daily meditation and quiet time for reflection, introspection and self-discovery.

You appear to be confident and self-controlled, but may be hiding your vulnerable side. Being a personality color blue means you are generally fairly even-tempered, unless your emotions take over - then you can become either moody and over-emotional, or cool and indifferent. You are sensitive to the needs of others and caring with your close circle of friends. While you are friendly and sociable, you prefer the company of your own close group of friends.

You are a rescuer and love to be needed but one of your lessons is to learn to love yourself first - you live from your heart and are always busy putting the needs of others first. You can be rigid - you like to stick to what is familiar to you and it is hard to sway you from your path - you stubbornly do things your way even if there is a better way. You need to have direction & order in your living and work spaces - untidiness and unpredictability overwhelm you.

You are approachable and friendly, always making people feel welcome in your life. You have a thirst for knowledge in order to gain wisdom and appear knowledgeable in whatever area interests you. You are spiritual or religious with a high degree of devotion to family, God, or other causes that are important to you. If reacting negatively, you are prone to self-pity. These perfectly fit Ky's personality and has mostly stayed with him throughout his character development. Now to look at his GG Strive redesign beginning with the head.

One of the obvious difference is Ky's hair is short, reminiscent of his iconic look. But it raises the question of how since according to the story, it's stated his hair grows rapidly no matter how many times he tries to cut it(due to heavily implying he's part Gear). I'm guessing either Ky followed Sin's method of cutting his hair every 3 days or he found a special hair product to prevent rapid growth, XD. I notice the style of his hair is a bit different; the strands of his bangs is shorter and thicker. It creates a boyish look instead of a young man, which doesn't fit Ky. It doesn't seem noticeable during gameplay, but cutscene-like sequences it's the opposite. His hair should've been exactly like GGX2.

His facial structure and eyes in GG Strive is exactly like in GGX2 except for one part; his chin. While Ky's chin was never wide like most male characters, it usually isn't this narrow either. The narrower chin makes him look younger and with how the hair is styled, it gives the impression it's Ky from an earlier timeline. If his chin was similar to how it was in GG X2, it will improve his look alot and show he's mature and sophisticated. Next is examining the full body picture of his new look.

This is a huge departure in many ways. The only aspect inspired from his iconic design is the shoulder cape, but it lacks the blue trim around the helms and collar. Instead, there's black trim at the helms and hints of blue at the back with the words "Illyrium". His semi-fingerless gloves with fingernail plating is something he doesn't usually wear, but the back of his hands does have plating saying "Nothing can be done without hope". It shows he still generally has the same philosophy and key traits he's known for. The fact his "HOPE" belt is replaced with 2 standard belts(one black and the other brown) implies his mindset he carried from the Holy Order is gone and became open-minded. His open, V-neckline shirt with a single sleeve is inspired from this.

I do find it interesting how this reveals(pun intended) a different side of him, XD. It adds a sense of sensuality that leading men from romantic novels have and obviously it being sexy. Next is his fitted pants accented with blue crosses at the front then his boots with blue trim at the bottom. The most significant change is how Ky's dominant color is now black, which has important meaning to his character development.

Positive traits of Black: Include protection and comfort, strong, contained, formal, sophisticated, seductive, mysterious, endings & beginnings.

Negative traits of Black: Depressing and pessimistic, secretive and withholding, conservative and serious, power & control, sadness and negativity.

All of these fit Ky and since he's wearing alot of black instead of blue and white, this implies he has or going to have an internal struggle. I haved mixed feelings about his new design.

I love the concept of it and think it's nice to see Ky wear something different as his main attire. By itself the outfit is good and easy to adjust to, it's just not as unique as his original design. The design of blue crosses from his GG Accent Core Plus ending should've been implemented in the new design and add some gold trim to balance out all the black. I think his gloves should be changed to be more stylish along with the silver plating. If it had these tweaks, Ky's new design would be perfect.  

Design Rating: A(Great!) CHIPP ZANUFF ------------------------ The reveal of Chipp's redesign has mostly been positive, but all of us immediately said "He is so BUFF!" People say he looks handsome now and have joked he worked out at the same gym as Chris Redfield, XD. Let's look at Chipp's previous design!

Chipp's iconic look definitely displays the street-punk style and rowdy persona. This perfectly fits with his dark past of being a former biochemical drug dealer and addict. He has wild spiky hair, small red earrings, and a leather choker around his neck. The fishnet undershirt is both punk-style and those who practice ninjitsu wears. He has fingerless gloves with silver, square-shaped plating. This aspect is also on his belt and short-length boots. There's two leather buckles strapped around the right leg of his white pants and has on a loose-fitting ninja vest with silver buttons. This highlights his newly adopted values he got from his mentor and father-like figure Master Tsuyoshi. Chipp even has on black eyeliner around his eyes to emphasizes the punk look. Since he primarily wears black and white with hints of red, this tells about his personality. Black and white together obviously means viewing things in a straightforward way instead of complex like gray. Red conveys of his hot-headed masculinity, passion, and impatient nature. Combined with the other colors, it shows Chipp's other side of having pure intentions, even though it doesn't always come across right.

In Xrd SIGN, only minor tweaks were made such as adding a red sash attached to his belt, extra detail on his pants and boots, and slightly thicker eyeliner. Ever since becoming president of a (currently) unofficial nation dubbed "Eastern Chipp Kingdom", Chipp's personality seemed to have mellowed some, though still has his impulsive tendencies. Chipp has been through alot of character development since the beginning. Now for his redesign for GG Strive starting with his face.

One of the things I notice about Chipp's face is while it's still narrow, it's a little fuller and smoother with slightly higher cheek bones. His chin is also about an inch or 2 wider than how it was in the Xrd series. His eyes still has the same defined shape, but the eyeliner isn't as thick. These tweaks to his facial features makes him look handsome and approachable instead of angry and rough. But his fiesty side is still there because besides his eye shape, his upper teeth now has some small fangs. Now to see a full body picture...

Chipp's hair also got tweaked; tt's still spiky, but more stylish instead of wild. Instead of strands of hair rest on his forehead, he has noticeable asymmetrical bangs. Besides his red earrings, Chipp's 2 main colors(black and white) is kept along with a little more red from the strings attached to his ninja gauntlets and strapped sandals. He still has the red sash attached to his belt, though this time he has a thick, rope belt(I think it's called "Obi"). His white pants is very loose-fitting and no longer has twin buckle straps, but does have a little more detail with the side silver buttons. On his upper body, Chipp has on a leather vest with a form-fitting, sleeveless turtleneck. The height of the collar covers his mouth and contains buckle straps. This look is inspired from his design in "The Butterfly and Her Gale".

It has aspects of the high collar, gauntlets, and boots, even though the boots was tweaked to be sandals. This redesign shows Chipp fully embraces Japanese culture and the ways of ninjitsu. I think it may also hint of him being or becoming a master himself and training others, especially with how he's gotten so muscular. The way they mixed old and new with Chipp's redesign is amazing and love the tweaks to his face and hair. I do think his pants maybe a bit too wide along with the rope-belt, but other than that his look is perfect.

Design Rating: S++(Awesome!) AXL LOW ------------------- "Axl got PANTS!" is the main reaction people had when he got revealed and the majority agree it's a much needed upgrade. This is the 3rd time Axl has gotten major design changes since GG:The Missing Link. His look from GGX and onwards greatly emphasizes he's heavily inspired from real-life singer Axl Rose. For Axl, I'm going look at his redesign for Xrd SIGN.

In comparison to the others, Axl's design was never high-fantasy or elaborate, but it makes sense he's from the 20th century. His look in Xrd mixes aspects from the 1st GG and GGX, which conveys his easy-going nature and trying to adapt to the future he's in while maintaining his values of the past. He still has his signature UK cap, brown fingerless gloves, and matching shoes. His white shirt has a unique black zipper tie that adds a hint of contemporary along with his blue jacket. Attached to his black belt on the hips is cloths of the UK flag and has on blue shorts. Red and blue has mostly been his main colors(with some white) that tells of his peaceful, friendly, and passionate nature. In the story, Axl is finally confronted about why he time-skips and must make a hard decision that forever change his life. The choice he made leads him to major character development along with what role he will play in the story, so he needed another redesign to reflect this.

This design shows Axl has embraced the current timeline while maintaining his love for his country. His fingerless gloves is a lighter brown along with his ankle-length boots. He wears a red plaid jacket with white sleeves and black with orange trim at the helms. Underneath is his a sleeveless, form-fitting tank with 3 zippers at the front and a brown buckle at the mid-section. On his lower body is a belt with a UK buckle and fitted, detailed black pants with zippers on the side. This look is inspired by the concept art.

I notice his new design as a mixture of colors compared to before, though it seems black is the most dominant color. One of the meanings for black is power and control, which fits with how Axl now has control over his Time powers. He also has an aura of confidence compared to his uncertainty in the past games. This is the perfect design for Axl because he looks amazing and conveys his personality well.

Design Rating: S+++(Perfect!)

Thank you for reading this! I'll make a series of this as more characters of the game are revealed in the future!^_^

[secretshinigami]

Not Alone

Author: @jam-knife (I’m submitting through my main) For: @misas-biggest-fan Pairings/Characters: LxLight Rating/Warnings: Mature. Major characters’ deaths. Mentions of sex (though nothing too explicit, and I kept curse words to a minimum too). Angst, lots of it. Prompt: Light being tailed by L’s ghost Author’s Notes: heyyyyy first of all I LOVED your prompts! I really enjoyed writing this for you, it was a very interesting scenario to explore. I hope you like it!!! Please let me know what you think of it once you finish reading it. Second of all, this fic begins with a scene that was unfortunately cut from the anime (though it wasn’t canon in the manga as far as I know, so it’s not that bad). I don’t know whether or not you’ve watched it, but I’ll leave the link here just in case! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tX1_K-mUH94 Word Count: 12k (approximation)

“You said nothing much to look forward to, Ryuk?”

Light’s words were met only by the rustling sound of leaves being ruffled by a sudden cold breeze, which carried with it the smell of removed earth, moss and death. The dirt stuck to his palms and the fabric of his pants as he stood up. He didn’t even show the empathy it required to rub it off.

“Not really. From now on, I’m going to show you how the new world is built.”

His eyes travelled to the sky, dyed orange and red as dusk fell upon him and his –unusually silent– Shinigami. He didn’t give L’s grave one last glimpse as he turned and left. What was there to see anymore? The rocky cross was nothing more than some artfully carved stone, the body six feet below it just an empty carcass, and the dirt that covered it and clung to his person wasn’t different from any other dirt.

None of it truly represented what L had been. L couldn’t possibly be reduced to or preserved in a graveyard lot. Those symbols were hollow.

L was gone. Forever. Which meant that Light now had green light to do with the world –His world– what he wanted.

That’s when he felt it, for the first time.

A step.

Light froze. That… he must have imagined it. Just in case he glanced over his shoulder, and confirmed there was nobody else there; just Ryuk, hovering half a foot over the paved path. That means he imagined it.

That extra step, as if someone tailing him had synchronized their walking with his own, but their last step was slightly off-key.

No. It was nothing. It had been a long day… a long year actually. But now the war was finally over, and all there was left to do was conquer-

He didn’t manage to conclude that thought before the chilling breeze enveloped him in a personal whirlwind of sorts, seeping into his clothes and attacking his every nerve. It only lasted a moment, but it was more than enough for him to perceive an intention in it. One simple idea. Confrontation.

Light was free. Omnipotent. And L was no more.

That is the plain truth… right?

The second time he noticed it was a few days later. Most of the time he wouldn’t even remember it, but every now and then the extra step would announce itself. Subtle, barely present enough to tickle the back of his head. And it grew worse every time he looked the Task Force members in the eye and manipulated or lied to them.

No, he didn’t feel guilty about L’s death –or about any death that preceded it. To think that the reason why his subconscious invoked a constant sensation of being followed and sneered upon was because of some pathetic remorse was ridiculous. Light Yagami was above all that moral crap humans loved to entertain themselves with. He was the God of a newborn world; he simply did what needed to be done for true justice to prevail.

No matter how many times he told himself this, though, the sensation wouldn’t fade away. But, again, it was just that. A sensation.

Or so it had been, until that night.

He had been working on replicating L’s voice synthesizing program for hours on end. There were no windows on the building’s main room, but he knew it was probably very late by now. Even Ryuk, who didn’t biologically need sleep as the otherworldly being he was, had sprawled himself messily on one of the couches and was snoring to his heart’s content.

Light sighed and went back to work. He remembered how that artificial voice had sounded when L used it against him, and when he lent it to Light so he could contact Namikawa during the Yotsuba period. That’s how he knew he was close to getting it right; going to sleep now would only be a waste of time and concentration.

He tweaked the depth and the vibration here and there, checked it, then went back to correcting it. And finally, he succeeded.

“Hello, one two three, testing…” He spoke into the mic, and beamed when he realized he made it. Yes, this would work.

To make sure it was convincing enough to fool anyone, but mostly just because he was feeling giddy with victory, he tried out some L-ish phrases and worked on his intonation and mood.

“You’re in Japan. And your first victim was… little more than an experiment.”

That was exactly what that man had said… so many months ago. Light could still perfectly recall the smugness dripping off every syllable.

“It won’t be too long now before I am able to sentence you… to death.” He replicated impeccably, the words leaving a sour aftertaste behind as he remembered the rage they had unleashed within him back then.

Light gulped and took a breath before leaning into the mic one more time.

“I am L.”

Are you done playing detective?

Light jumped. The chair rolled beneath him and he landed roughly on the floor, together with the toppled mic and a stack of papers, causing a momentary ruckus. He quickly scrambled to his feet, finding support on the desk behind him as he eyed the room. But there was nothing there.

There was no way. He could have sworn he heard L’s voice –not the digital fake, the real deal– whispering inside his head just now. But it lacked the inconsistency of a memory; it had sounded way too organic. It was nothing like the footstep or the silent vigilance. That… was real.

But it couldn’t be. L was dead –he was absolutely certain of that. He had held his body when it happened. He felt it go numb. Still. He confirmed there was no pulse. Then why… why could he hear him?

Was he going crazy?

Every ounce of rationality in him told him so. But. If that… thing just now was real, then…

“Well… Shinigami exist, don’t they? Literal Gods of Death.” He thought out loud. “So… what would be so weird about ghosts?”

Slowly, as if not to disturb the atmosphere, he picked up the chair and sat back down. Not facing the computer, but the room enveloped in darkness. Nothing happened, but he still raised his knees to his chest and adopted his rival’s trademark position out of instinct.

He was definitely losing it.

“Did I make you mad, L?” Light teased, his lips twisted into a wry smile that lost some of its effect given how shaken he actually felt. Even so, there was no answer. “Nothing to say? Why so shy all of a sudden…”

The room was completely quiet except for Ryuk’s thunderous snores. Light waited for a whole minute, and then two more. There were no words… but that feeling of something lingering remained.

“You said yourself I’d do a great job succeeding you.” He tried out, although he was probably just trailing off. “But we both know you wanted to test me, to see if I gave you a response worthy of Kira. You weren’t expecting to actually see it unfold, were you. Does it irritate you? Do you want to hurt me?”

He was about to give up and go back to work when the quiet, familiar chuckle resonated inside him, sending shivers down his spine.

That’s rich coming from the man responsible for my death.

Light’s heart skipped a beat… and his smile grew darker. So it was really him. He wasn’t crazy, or hallucinating. L was haunting him.

“So what? Have you come to take revenge? Talk about a sore loser.”

That, right there, is where you are wrong, dear. You think you’ve already won, but the war is far from over.

He frowned. Even dead, L continued to be as smug as ever. Had it always been this annoying? Moreover, how come L could say it wasn’t over? What else was there left to do? Who else left to defeat?

“What do you mean? I killed you. Everyone left believes in my innocence and supports me as the new L. I’ve acquired the ultimate power. I can direct the police force as L while enchanting the general public as Kira. There’s nothing and nobody else standing on my way to absolute victory.”

Only silence followed his statements. Even more exasperated, he declared:

“You are already dead, L. You’re dead.”

He waited, but nothing else came from L that night.

That, of course, didn’t mean he was gone for good.

Light continued to hear the extra step following him from room to room. That he learned to ignore over time, since it’s easier for the brain to disregard what it gets used to perceiving –just like not seeing your own nose in front of you all the time unless you actively think about it.

What always caught Light off-guard, even though it had become an everyday thing, was when L spoke to him. Light would normally be able to feel when L was laughing at him, or when something he did made the ghost mad. But every time L spoke actual words, they echoed inside Light’s head and his skin tickled.

It was icky. Plus, talking to L always got Light on his nerves. Even after death, the detective had found a purpose for his existence in unnerving Light. And even that was remarkably ordinary and unsurprising compared to the fact that Light somehow managed to put up with it for over four years.

Four years of snarky remarks over his shoulder. Four years of effort dedicated to ignoring that voice and pretending he didn’t hear it, only for L to slip into his dreams where he couldn’t escape him.

Not all was bad, though. He had already experienced having L study his every move, follow him from room to room… back when they were handcuffed they even had to sleep in the same bed and take showers together. Compared to that, the current situation was not so bad. The lack of chains was an improvement, he no longer had to hide his identity as a mass murderer, and since he already had several years worth of experience with talking to entities nobody else could see, concealing L’s presence to the Task Force wasn’t too hard a task.

Ryuk would sometimes eye him like he had gone insane, but Light had no interest in explaining himself to a Shinigami. He knew what Ryuk thought of death: after passing away, the soul goes to the 無(Mu). The Nothingness. According to that, L’s existence as a ghost should be impossible. But here he was regardless.

L didn’t just talk. Light came to realize he was a great listener too. Maybe ‘realize’ was not the right word; more like… rediscover. Except that back when the man was alive, Light was convinced the only reason why he listened to anything he had to say was because he was desperately trying to blame him for something, even though Light didn’t have memories of being Kira back then.

The fact that L listened to him, now that everything was out in the open and what couldn’t be undone had been done, was… nice? That was not quite it.

Sometimes they’d just debate for hours about justice, life and other philosophical matters; sometimes Light would get engrossed in explaining detail by detail each and every plan he executed against L while the ghost laughed and mockingly praised his ingenuity. Sometimes Light felt so alone he crawled out of the bed he shared with Misa and went to the living room, just to sit down in the dark and talk nonsense to that invisible presence.

Meanwhile, time flew by and the world mutated. Kira had become the universal symbol of justice with little to no opposition from any government or social movement, and the mighty detective that once confronted him had slowly faded away, until people grew to remember him as one of many who rebelled against God and obviously failed.

Ghost L found this hilarious at best, and revolting at worst.

And even though the supernatural factor of their whole relationship also extended to how annoying the ghost could get, Light still got used to him not ever really leaving. Slowly, too gradually to pinpoint when, the rage of an imperfect victory was subdued by the solace of keeping the one person that understood.

Until Sayu was kidnapped by Mello. And that changed everything.

There were more opponents. L would call them ‘successors’. The words that were spoken by the ghost over four years ago began to make sense: the war was far from over. With the rise of Mello and Near, Light felt like he was facing his old rival all over again, except this time everything was messier, and the stakes higher.

They had to give away the Death Note to save Sayu’s life. Light did everything that was at hand to stop them from taking it… but they lost the missile. A defeat of that magnitude… It was something he hadn’t experienced in years. It was even worse than when L publicly humiliated him with his live broadcast.

It reminded him of that time. The rain fell relentlessly. He sat, soaked, and let L massage his feet while those huge, merciless yet peaceful eyes pierced him with the truth that the detective had never, not even for a second, swallowed his bluffs. And it made Light feel stupid and desperate and small. That was how he felt now.

The wrath, the impotence, the absolute disgust it all produced were so intense he did nothing but sit on his chair, staring at the ceiling. Misa approached with a cool drink, probably trying to soothe him, but he lacked the energy and the interest to pretend he gave a fuck, so he simply slapped it off her hands and to the floor.

Why was everyone so useless? Why was he so useless?!

Those two kids… he hated them for getting in his way. And he hated L, for being related to them.

Light stormed out of the room and into the bathroom, the door finding its frame with a bang. He wanted to yell. He wanted to break something. With no means to release his rage, he began briskly ripping his clothes off and turned on the shower. Steam immediately filled the room from floor to ceiling; the heat was suffocating even without exposing himself to the water and that, somehow, was relaxing.

You know, that was a very rude thing to do.

Light growled. Not now. He couldn’t handle L as he was now.

“Nobody asked for your bloody opinion.”

I knew you had some anger management issues, but I never would’ve thought you’d take it out on the only person in your life who’s ever offered you comfort and her unconditional support-

“What do you care, L!” He swirled around, yelling at the empty bathroom. He knew he wouldn’t find the man there when he turned, but screaming at the shapes in the steam was easier. “For someone who isn’t even alive you do have a lot to say. It’s pretty hard to give a shit about what you think when you’re never useful and you’re not even here.”

What do you expect me to do, then?

“I don’t know! How about you face me for once instead of hiding like a coward? Or maybe you could just disappear! Why are you even here?!”

He was being irrational, he knew it. And he could only imagine what Misa or Ryuk would think of all this if they walked in on him, screaming at the air. But he didn’t care if he didn’t make sense; he was too angry, and the only one he wanted to take it out on was L. Because it was his fault that people continued to sabotage his perfect plans. If L hadn’t shown up… everything would have been easier.

Do you really want me to leave?

“Yes.” He answered, without a shade of a doubt. “That’s the only thing I’ve wanted ever since you first threatened to sentence me to death. I thought you picked that up when I held you in my arms and watched you die with a smile on my face. Or didn’t you see me laughing at your grave?”

I did.

“Then what the hell are you waiting for?”

A moment of silence followed. Then, hesitantly…

I can’t.

What?

“Why?” Light asked, reaching the limits of his patience.

You think that if I knew I’d still be here? Don’t flatter yourself. The voice answered dryly. It was irritating, but… somewhere deep inside those words he could identify an edge of frustration and… pain. There is something that draws me towards you. Like there’s something I need to do, and it won’t let me go until I do it. But whatever that is I have no idea.

Light huffed, holding his head in his hands.

“Why couldn’t you just die normally…”

I ask myself the same thing every day.

He breathed out. So there was no way to get rid of L as it was. No chance of freedom in the near future. Well, at least he could vent out a bit. Resigned, he finished stripping and stepped into the shower.

He reached out to take the soap, and froze. The presence… L’s ghost was usually respectful of his personal space but now, it had followed him into the shower.

“What are you doing?” Light asked cautiously, his face beat red and not because of the heat. He didn’t want L in his shower, not even for old times’ sake.

You must hate my guts. Not that I have any anymore.

“Isn’t that obvious?” He retorted, not knowing when the atmosphere got so dense or why he felt uneasy about it.

I guess. Still, I never thought of our altercation as something personal.

“We literally tried to get the other killed for months, L. I’d say it was pretty personal.” Light frowned, earning himself a giggle from L.

Fine, I guess you’re right. However, I don’t think I hate you now. I hate what you did. What you still insist on doing. But I don’t hate you, even though it doesn’t really make any sense.

He didn’t answer. He had no words worth speaking, and even if he did, he wouldn’t know what to do with them.

I’m sorry. I wish I could disappear just as much as you do.

“It’s okay. I… don’t mind having someone to talk to either.” He admitted through gritted teeth.

But, about facing you… I think I might be able to do that much.

What… what was he talking about? Light stayed put as water dripped down his body, feeling the steam behind him shift and change, then settle. His skin tickled with even more intensity than it did before, and for a whole five seconds, he seriously considered running off without turning around to see. But, of course, he didn’t. The temptation was too great to ignore.

When he turned around, every nerve end alert in case he had to fight –even though he wasn’t sure how he was supposed to fight a ghost–, he saw it. A translucent figure, its edges blurring into the steam…

“L…”

The commotion of seeing his face again, his eyes, his knowing expression after so many years was so strong Light stumbled back, and found stability against the dripping tiled wall. L’s pale lips curved into a small smile.

“Better?”

Light gulped. Even his voice sounded more corporeal, now that it was coming out of a mouth and not echoing inside his head. Hesitantly, he raised a hand and reached out to touch him. L, understanding his cautious curiosity, didn’t move.

Light went for the chest, over the point where he felt that last dying throb before L’s heart failed permanently. But when he got close enough to touch, his fingers simply trespassed the specter. Energy tickled like electricity all over his hand and up his forearm. He pulled out in shock, and the steam regrouped around the hole he left behind.

“Could you feel that?” He blurted out before thinking.

“Not at all.” The man answered, calmly even though he was also eyeing his own shape with devouring interest. This was new for him too. It was the first time in over four years that he tried out a physical shape.

Wide translucent eyes beamed when a new idea crossed his mind. L tossed his hand against the shampoo rack, but it didn’t even react. It didn’t show the slightest disturbance. That new discovery had L bedazzled. Meanwhile, Light couldn’t stop staring at him, still not quite grasping that this was real. That he could see L again, just the way he was when he lived. His expressions were even livelier than they were back then, now that he was dead and didn’t need to be cautious with his thoughts.

“Can others see you?”

“I don’t know yet. But given how nobody could hear or perceive me before except for you, I wouldn’t think so.”

“Then, from now on, can you stay like this? Visible I mean.”

L’s eyes narrowed, his features shifting with amusement, and Light looked away, his face flushed with embarrassment.

“Did you miss me that much? I’ve always been here though.” He teased. Light thought he’d die of mortification.

“Shut up. I just hate hearing you speak inside my head. It feels icky.”

“Alright then.” The smirk grew meaner.

“Also, step out of my shower. This is already weird enough as it is.”

L’s laugh in response to that couldn’t have been more annoying.

L had been right… for the most part. No other person or living being could see him hovering around Light; they wouldn’t react at all to the late detective’s presence as long as he avoided being trespassed by them.

But coming to realize Ryuk could see and hear him was amusing. For L at least, who could also now perceive the God of Death and seized the opportunity to suffocate the otherworldly being with questions until Ryuk lay on the floor, exhausted. Ryuk, too, seemed flabbergasted to find out ghosts actually existed, and he even taught L how to perfect his manifestation technique, until the specter managed to muster an almost solid-looking consistency he could acquire or shed at will.

Meanwhile, Light felt like his temper was gradually being gnawed at. Having both entities annoying him separately had been irritating enough, but he simply couldn’t have imagined how much worse it would get when they did so together.

“And then he told me he wouldn’t give me any more apples unless I found all the cameras!” Ryuk whined. “Even though he knew of my terribly painful withdrawal symptoms. And then I am the monster…”

“How awful.” L shook his phantasmagoric head in exaggerated disapproval. “Oh Light dear, what a cruel, terrible Master you are.”

“You said it! Heh-heh.” The Shinigami barked in agreement.

That was it. He wasn’t taking it anymore.

Light groaned, tossed the earphones away, snatched a pencil holder from the desk’s top and unchained a vicious rain of pens and pencils against the source of his irritation. L and Ryuk simply sat, amused, and watched the items as they trespassed their intangible forms.

“For the love of everything good in this world and the next, can you both just shut up for a goddamn minute?!”

“Anger management, remember?”

Exasperated, Light simply growled and went back to work.

“Ryuk, go back to my father before the rest begin wondering where you went. We’ll be ambushing Mello’s headquarters in a few hours. I need you to be there so he’ll do the deal of the eyes with you.”

“Heh-heh. Sending others to accept deals you’d spit on yourself.” Ryuk chuckled grimly, his eyes flashing bright red for a moment. “Alright! Let’s catch up later, L.”

L nodded at the Shinigami before it disappeared through the wall. He then came hovering to where Light was and sat –or rather landed– on the desk, facing him.

“So the reason why you forfeited the ownership of the Death Note is not only passing the trouble of handing over half of your remaining lifespan to someone else, but also avoid your father realizing you are a Note owner yourself when he comes back. Am I right, Light?”

“It was the only way.” Light shrugged it off, not quite grasping why L found that little trick so interesting. “How can I hope to rule the New World if I die young? I’m not going to risk my life on the frontline, let alone give my years away.”

“But your own father’s years are alright to sell.”

Light didn’t answer.

“You don’t care at all, do you. You’re straight up throwing him to the wolves. He could be shot to death in there and even if he does survive, he won’t have much of a life ahead of him, will he?”

“Enough.” He mumbled, but L didn’t stop.

“You know it. You know they wholeheartedly believe in that 13-days rule you made up. You know that lie is the only alibi in your hands that’s keeping Aizawa and the rest at bay. Which means… that even if tonight works out how you want it to and Mello is killed by your dad, then you’ll have to murder him in two weeks for your plan not to crumble-”

“That’s enough.” This time his voice came out firmly, and the ghost fell silent. “I’m just doing what needs to be done, L. I thought you of all people would understand that, after you confined and tortured Misa and me for days and even forced my dad to pretend to shoot me.”

“But I didn’t kill anyone. We are not the same-”

“Don’t give me that bullshit.” Light cut him, every muscle in his body tense. His stare was hard, unyielding, when it locked with L’s. “You were perfectly willing to let a criminal use the Death Note to prove the 13-days rule was false. You admitted yourself that you were expecting me, Kira, to instantly kill my dad if he tried to shoot me, because you knew damn well I’d put my own life before his. His death was no more than a calculated risk to you. In fact, in your head, it was the most probable outcome.”

The detective fretted, and Light grinned maliciously. He hit home.

“See? We both do whatever it takes to get what we want. You’re not different from me. You’re not better than me. So, instead of pretending to be surprised by my methods, how about you leave me alone so I can work on getting my Death Note back?”

The silence that followed was smothering. Painfully so. L was no longer looking back at him, but staring through the window. He looked offended mostly, but also guilty. His expression was so open and so sincerely aching Light blinked. So this was how L truly felt about the decisions he took, back when he was alive.

“Fine.” The ghost muttered finally, as his form dissolved in the air and disappeared.

For a moment that sight filled him with pure dread, but then he realized, as his heartbeat settled down, that he could still feel L’s presence coating him. He wasn’t really gone, he had just temporarily left his visible expression.

Good. Light didn’t feel strong or stable enough to face him right now.

A few hours later, Soichiro Yagami died in a hospital bed, relieved to know his son wasn’t a mass murderer.

After returning the Death Note to its rightful owner –a Shinigami that called itself Sidoh– all the Task Force had left to do was wipe their tears away and wrap it up. The trip back to headquarters was silent. Light appreciated that everyone was too shook and devastated about his dad’s death to talk about it.

Once alone in his room, he was free to be himself again.

He began calmly taking his clothes off and getting ready for bed, but before he could invoke some self control, he was already screaming and punching a pillow while tears rolled down his face.

This had been his father’s fault. If he hadn’t been weak… if he had killed Mello instead of hesitating…!

“Why did you let yourself get killed, idiot?!” Light yelled, his throat aching. His hands, which were clutching the pillow with violence, trembled vehemently as his crying echoed through the room and his tears fell, abundantly and showing no signs of stopping. “You didn’t even get rid of him! Why?! You weren’t supposed to die! Y-You… you weren’t supposed to…”

A sob shook his whole body on its way out, and he collapsed on bed, his face buried in the wet pillow. Only soft whimpering could be heard.

Later, he felt the air shift, and electricity tickled him in the leg.

“I thought you were counting on his death.”

Light’s face was swollen from crying when he lifted it from the pillow to look at L’s figure, sitting next to him in the dark with his hand on Light’s thigh. The touch held no weight or warmth, nothing quite organic; just a tingle.

“He was destined to die.” He mumbled weakly as his gaze wandered to the opposite wall. “It’s as you said. Either tonight or within two weeks, he had to. What’s more pathetic is that he only lived for a few hours after doing the deal… which means… that even if he hadn’t done it, he didn’t have much time left in his clock to begin with. He would’ve passed away naturally by tomorrow morning anyway.”

“Why are you crying, then?” L inquired softly, as his hand caressed up and down Light’s leg. “Because you couldn’t see Mello dead?”

Were other the context Light would’ve found the sparkly sensation bothersome –even embarrassing. He didn’t want to reach the level of feebleness that made him deserve L’s consolations. But that was not the case. The detective’s almost inexistent touch was comforting. Light closed his eyes, trying to remember what the real thing felt like, while fighting the devastating pang L’s question induced in him.

“My father’s death was inevitable. I know I did what I had to do. Still… that doesn’t mean I wanted him dead. In an ideal setting, Aizawa, Ide or even Matsuda would’ve taken it upon themselves to do the deal and kill Mello.”

He sat up, feeling the warmth building behind his eyes as new tears accumulated.

“Then… I could’ve killed any of them easily. But he just had to be… so freaking moral. He had to sacrifice himself… why? Nobody would’ve judged him if he had let someone else do it, then why?! It was that same attitude that got him shot in the end!”

Furious, he wiped the tears away before they overflowed. It was the truth. Even when his father died a somewhat happy death, he would’ve preferred it had been anyone else in his place. Still…

Light’s breathing settled, and he looked L in the eyes with determination.

“However, when he stood with Mello in that room, and when the building exploded and all the cameras went blank… and even as he lay there dying… all I could think of was ‘kill Mello. Kill him for me. Don’t leave without taking him down with you’.”

The pain of actually losing his dad came a while after, and even then it had been tainted with frustration and resentment. He wanted Mello dead. That, together with retrieving the Death Note, had been the whole point of the mission, and he had failed because his father chose the worst possible scenario to be humanitarian.

Light hated the feeling. He lost, even though he did nothing wrong. He hated not having control over his own battles. He hated how his father had chosen to die without revenge. He hated Mello for being alive out there somewhere.

“Even if it had been someone else in his place, I know your methods well enough by now to know you won’t be able to hide your true self forever.” L placed a finger on his chin. Even though the gesture wasn’t useful in practice since he simply trespassed it, Light still raised his head to look at him “Eventually, you’ll be wiping all that is left of the Task Force. And then it won’t matter anymore that your dad died today.”

Yes. L was right. Light… would have killed Soichiro eventually. It was only natural to take that course of action. And Light would bite his tongue and choke on it before letting himself hesitate on that matter. L’s eyes as they regarded him were incredibly sad, but not surprised.

“Do you find me disgusting, L?” He asked, a wry smile taking over his lips even though he was terrified of the answer he’d get. The ghost shook his head.

“No, Light.” An incorporeal hand brushed over his cheekbone. He closed his eyes and leaned into the tingle. “I’m just trying to decipher whether you’re a remorseless psychopath faking the pain you show, or if you’re actually acting remorseless to hide how much you’ve wounded yourself. Either way… I find you pitiful.”

And Light wanted to be angry. He tried his best to feel rage, indignation… even shame. But he couldn’t find it in himself. He was empty.

“Maybe… you’re both.”

“Tell me, Light. Did Misa approve of this plan?”

“Shut up.” He scowled, fixing his tie in front of the mirror.

Of course the answer was no. If Misa ever found out about this then she would gouge out both his and Takada’s guts. Giving up her Death Note and passing it to Mikami didn’t really make her any less lethal.

“I thought so. Especially by the way you whispered sweet nothings into the phone earlier.”

“Look, L.” Light turned around to face the late detective. L had become so good at expressing a physical shape that, if it weren’t for the blur at the edges when he moved, Light could’ve believed he was actually standing there in flesh and bone. “Whatever I choose to do with my love life is not your business, especially if it has something to do with my plans as Kira.”

L narrowed his eyes. Whether or not he was judging Light was hard to say.

“You have no moral structure whatsoever, do you?”

“As previously established, you don’t have much of that either-”

“I know.” The ghost cut him, raising a hand. “And I admit I wouldn’t hesitate to do the exact same thing you’re about to do to gain a benefit, as you already know.” At that, Light looked away. The room was too dark for his blush to be discernible. “Still, your shamelessness continues to amaze me.”

He chuckled ironically, staring the specter down as if it had just dared him to do it.

“Aizawa will come to install the cameras and mics now. Once he begins, I’ll have a perfect excuse to ignore you for the next few hours.” Light opened the box on top of the coffee table and began pulling out wires. He then halted, a meditative twinkle in his eyes, and addressed L. “Actually, could you disappear? I don’t want to see you through the corner of my eye when I-”

“You know that I’ll still be here even if you can’t see me, right?”

“Ah, yes. I forgot you’re a prime voyeur.”

“Trust me; this is about the last place in the world I’d like to be in.” The detective retorted, and for some reason his voice had an irritated edge to it.

“I guess we both have to compromise, then. As long as you stay invisible and keep yourself from talking inside my head until I’m done here, I’ll make sure not to kick your ass in Hell.” Light satirically extended a hand to him. “Deal?”

L simply stared him back, scorn invading his whole expression, before disappearing. Light could feel he was mad –uncharacteristically so. Yes, Light had seen him in a foul mood many times, while they lived chained to each other and they both had to listen to Matsuda speak.

But whatever got him so on edge about tonight, Light had no idea.

In fact, L’s mood grew worse and worse as the night progressed. He didn’t notice it at first; It became a constant buzz in the back of his head after Light looked Takada in the eyes and said ‘I missed you’, so he managed to ignore it quite well. However, by the time all mics and cameras were disconnected, he realized L was on the verge of bursting.

Lately, L’s thoughts had grown more tangible, together with his physical shape. So much so they sometimes became suffocating. When L would forfeit his form and settle back inside his head, Light often had a hard time differentiating their mixed feelings.

In life, L had always been incredibly skilled in the art of preserving a cool semblance. Even when he had been visibly annoyed or angry, the way he carried himself always sold the idea that the matter in hand was no more than just a mild inconvenience for him.

“Listen, Kiyomi. I am the real Kira.”

Light would’ve never expected to come face to face with that bubbling rage.

Takada gasped in surprise.

“That’s right. I’m Kira.” He repeated, mostly to confirm she had heard him right, but also to assure himself against L’s violent, thundering emotions. “That’s what I wanted to tell you.” Takada didn’t respond immediately, so Light took the chance to raise the phone to his ear and wrap up the conversation with Mikami. “Listen. I won’t allow you to ask Kiyomi who I am; you don’t need to know my identity.”

“Yes. I’ll leave the rest to you, God.”

Bastard.

Light shook. It had been a while since he had last heard L’s voice inside his head. Didn’t he explicitly tell him not to do that?! He’d make sure to devote the rest of his life to researching a way to kill a ghost again. He hung up the phone and turned around to address Kiyomi, as he stifled down his irritation.

“Do you understand? I am Kira. The man who was on the phone, is one of my followers who I’ve shared my power with.”

Takada’s eyes lit up.

“I… I can’t believe it’s you!” She whispered in awe. “You are the only man I’ve ever really admired. To be honest… the only man I’ve ever felt a connection with.” L growled. “And now, to find out you’re Kira… it’s incredible.”

As planned, Light had Takada curled around his finger in no time. He would’ve been able to fully enjoy the sweet taste of victory if it weren’t for L’s sour invasion. Oh, but he wasn’t about to let that bloody ghost spoil his mood. Was he pissed off now? Then he was about to become completely infuriated.

Light stepped closer and willfully lowered his voice to a deep whisper as he cupped Takada’s cheek in his hand.

“Please… join me, Kiyomi. And you will be the goddess of the New World.”

“Light…” She immediately pulled him into an embrace he didn’t fail to return.

He smirked over her shoulder –he had her right where he wanted her… and she was about to have him right where she wanted him too.

When Light leaned down to kiss her, L’s wrath pulsed through him.

Two and a half hours later, Light finished doing his tie, put his coat on and exited the room. Takada had already left –it was best for both that they weren’t seen leaving the hotel together.

Everything was working out smoothly. He now had a connection to Mikami through her, which would make everything easier from now on. The annihilation of the whole Task Force, together with the SPK and Near were visible in the horizon. In a matter of days, there would be no one left in his way. He’d be the only, unquestioned God of his own New World.

Confident with his secured victory, Light pulled the phone out.

“Light! Are you okay?” Matsuda exclaimed. Of course they were worried, after losing all connection with him for over two hours.

“Yeah… Kiyomi was able to work things out with Kira. I decided that from now on, I’m gonna pretend to be dating her.” L, who had fallen unusually quiet for a while now, suddenly shifted uncomfortably inside of him. He smirked. “We might be able to find Kira that way.”

“Alright, if you say so…” Matsuda answered, and for the musicality in his voice it was clear to everyone that a) he had serious doubts Light was just pretending and b) he knew Light simply hadn’t spent the last two hours with Takada playing Monopoly.

Right after that, a smack could be heard. Matsuda whined out loud as Aizawa scolded him. Light rolled his eyes and hung up.

So you actually went and did it.

He stopped on his tracks, overwhelmed by how the voice reverberated inside him. He growled in annoyance.

“I told you not to do that!”

As an answer to his protest, L materialized in front of him. All the ire he had felt bubbling inside him left. It shook him to realize that L had turned back to his old –living– habits. The expression in his face was barely a washed-down version of the consuming wrath Light now knew inhabited him.

“Still manipulating women and using sex to get what you want, uh?”

“You say it like that’s the worst thing I’ve done.”

“Oh, no. Of course it isn’t.” L shook his head. When he narrowed his eyes, the gaze he bore was venomous. “When are you gonna kill her, then?”

Light gulped, glaring at him. He wanted to be surprised that L brought that up, but he couldn’t; he knew how vicious he could get. The ghost smiled back at him, even though the gesture held no warmth, sympathy or bliss whatsoever. It was a dry smile, filled to the brim with a wish to hurt.

“That’s what you do, isn’t it? Attachment and intimacy are alright as long as you can get something from it. As soon as the other person becomes a hindrance you dispose of them.” L spat. “So? How long until you murder Takada too?”

“I hate you, you know.” Light hissed. “I hate how you always talk like you know everything about everyone. I hate how hypocritical you are, going around making moral statements about other people when you were just as bad or even worse. And I hate how you are convinced that everything has to be about you!”

The ghost took a step back, and Light seized the opportunity to push further. They had already pulled each other down on the mud; they might as well fight.

“Maybe I just like sleeping with Takada. But… oh? Does that irritate you?” One look at the detective’s face told him he had hit the nail’s head. “Does it drive you crazy, that it’s her and not you?”

“This is nonsense. Stop talking before you humiliate yourself.” L growled, earning himself a barking laugh from the other.

“Come on. I felt it. I felt how your blood boiled when she embraced me. Admit it.” The ghost stood there, and said nothing. Suddenly intoxicated with rage and something close to desperation, Light walked up to him and reached out to grab his arm. He grabbed nothing. “Admit you’re jealous.”

“How…” for the first time ever, the specter’s voice came out so terrifyingly low it sent chills down his spine. “… am I supposed to be jealous, when we both know you’re just using her? We both know she’ll soon be dead meat. She isn’t getting anything I haven’t gotten already.”

Light shivered, unable to talk through the knot in his throat.

 “You can’t fool me, Light. I see everything, remember? Goddess of the New World… How many times have you used that trick on Misa this month?”

“Shut up.” The words were no more than a tremulous whisper. It was mortifying.

“Then how about this very week?” L pressed, and even though Light couldn’t feel a breath meet his face, he still stepped back, looking hurt. When he replied, his words were calm with bitterness.

“So now we’re pretending you’re not the same?”

It happened often during the lapse of time Light had to cope with L cuffed to his wrist and without his memories of the Death Note. He’d constantly be shaken awake by nightmares that didn’t seem his own. Sometimes the startling would be soft enough to simply wake him up, and he could just roll over and go back to sleep without disturbing L. And sometimes, like that time, he’d physically jump on bed and find himself drenched in cold sweat.

He sat up and looked to his left –by his side, L slept soundly, curled into a ball with his knees to his chest, the half of his face that wasn’t buried in the pillow giving off an expression of peace.

Light sighed deeply as he wiped sweat off his face and neck. He wouldn’t mind being able to lock himself up in the toilet, but handcuffs. He directed his energy into staying still and steadying his breath instead.

“Another nightmare?”

Light blinked. So L wasn’t even half as asleep as he pretended to. He looked at him from below, his face still half-buried in his pillow. It was way too adorable –Light looked away.

“Yes.” The detective sat up too, the sheets sliding down his torso.

“What was it about?”

“I… stood on top of a very tall building.” He narrated, his gaze lost somewhere in the shadows that inhabited the room. “Below, at ground level, people were screaming. I wanted to look down to see what was happening to them, but I was too afraid. Then, from behind… a tall massive shadow hovered over me. It’s silhouette wasn’t that of a human. The thing laughed; that wasn’t human either. I tried to look over my shoulder, and was pushed off the building. I fell. The screaming grew closer…. and I woke up.”

For a long moment, there was nothing but silence.

“Is that all?” L inquired quietly. A crease took shape between Light’s brows, and he fixed his stare on his lap.

“I know what you’re thinking. I’m not stupid enough to not be able to deduce what you think my dream represents. But, Ryuzaki…” He formed fists with his fingers to keep them from fidgeting, and raised his eyes to L’s. “I can’t be… I don’t remember ever doing any of that. And I know. I know people can do the unspeakable when pushed to the limit, but I’d never kill on my own free will.”

“Light…” L hesitated, and then crawled across the bed to reach out and grab one of the towels from a nearby hanger. When he crawled back, he pressed it to Light’s face. “There is a chance Kira somehow possessed you during that period. In that case, you wouldn’t have been in control of your own actions.”

His tone was soft, but it wasn’t enough to conceal his real thoughts. Light smiled sadly as L wiped the sweat off his neck.

“But you don’t think I was possessed.” He spoke the truth nobody wanted to acknowledge. L stopped drying him. “You’re certain I was the original Kira. Even now, you must be wondering whether I’ve been bluffing ever since I was inside that cell. You’re probably thinking all this is just part of an act; some greater scheme on my behalf.”

The detective didn’t respond immediately. They looked at each other for several seconds; when he did, his words were grave with the amount of seriousness the statement deserved.

“I am.”

Light nodded. He didn’t really blame L for thinking that. He, too, was slowly getting more and more obsessed with the idea that he might have been, indeed, Kira. Yes, the justice system was flawed. But if he had had Kira’s power, would he had actually used it like Kira did?

“I understand.” He replied. “You’re just doing your job. And I want to help however I want. I want to reach the bottom of this, and cleanse my name. It’s just…” Light sighed and scratched his head. Saying it was much more awkward than he had anticipated. “I really wish it could have been different.”

“What?”

“My relationship with you.”

His heart was beating like crazy, but he had already begun talking. The rest gurgled out and he couldn’t restrain it.

“I wish I could’ve stood on equal ground with you when I met you; with me being a detective, not the prime suspect for the greatest mass murder of the decade. I wish I could’ve gotten to know you, without all the games and the lies. We could’ve held conversations that didn’t feel like interrogations. You’re very smart, and determined.” His face was burning up now, but he kept on talking. “Even though that shouldn’t be good, considering you suspect me… I admire that a lot.”

Their eyes locked, and Light’s stomach turned.

“I admire you.”

For a long while, L didn’t move or react at all; instead of widening eyes or abrupt exclamations, that was how the mighty detective processed shock. It was pretty embarrassing for Light, though. The blush crept to his ears and neck, and he was about to roll over and pretend none of that ever happened, when L cleared his throat. A soft, pink shade took over his pointy cheekbones.

“You admire me.” He reiterated, as if not completely believing it. Light would’ve found it funny had he not been focused in his racing pulse. He nodded… and L gulped. The detective raised a hand and brushed a strand of brunet hair away from his eyes. “Do you only admire me?”

“I…”

“How else do you feel about me?” His finger curled around Light’s ear. His voice was soft, but deep. “Tell me.”

“Not all is good.” He admitted, too distracted by the touch to watch his words. “Sometimes I hate you. So much I want to punch you-”

“Yes, you have done that.” That made him laugh.

“Yeah… it’s because I hate it when you prod me for a confession I can’t give you. And when you say things like ‘it’s pointless to keep on trying’, when my name is in as much of a stake as your title, and when you’ve already done too much to me to just dismiss it like that. I hate being reminded that you only see me as a potential murderer; that you were lying when you said we were friends… And I hate being unable to accept your kindness without thinking you’re playing with me, because I-”

Crap. That was close. He barely managed to bite his tongue before he spurted something dangerous. But L, being L, simply wouldn’t let him off the hook that easily. The detective scooted closer –their legs were touching, and they were breathing the same air. Light’s heart fluttered. L’s fingers on his cheek were cold compared to the flushed skin beneath.

“Because?” L whispered, and Light’s gaze fell on his lips, fascinated by their shape, the cadence with which they moved, their invisible, indescribable allure.

Don’t make me say it if you already know. That was what he would have liked to say, but he couldn’t speak. He barely had a moment to process what was happening and take a breath before L closed the distance between them and delicately sealed their lips together.

Light held his breath and sat, static, as his mind was filled with the subtle, tingling sensation of L’s mouth caressing his. That alone was enough to make his heart pound hard against his ribcage. It was a soft kiss; plush, barely more substantial than the brush of a finger. When the man pulled away –only one inch, just enough to end the contact–, their lips separated with a quiet pop.

Light’s whole body was tingling, and he had to forcefully stifle down the urge to tremble that was building steadily in the pit of his stomach. He breathed out, and in, and out; shallowly. He didn’t want to risk inhaling any more of L’s scent.

He should have backed off. Gone back to sleep and pretended that never happened. It would have been wiser. Instead, he remained still and did not oppose L’s movements when the detective cupped his nape and angled his face into another kiss.

It was a deeper one this time, given how their mouths were briefly open. Moisture quickly built up over his upper lip as he felt L’s lower lip seductively pressing against his teeth. Light closed his eyes and opened his mouth. Swiftly, without letting the chance slip by, the man expertly locked their jaws together and entered Light’s warm mouth with his tongue.

A soft gasp that escaped him and coated L’s lips, and then transformed into a barely audible whine. It was inevitable. He couldn’t fight the trembling anymore. He felt feverish all over. Touch-starved and about to burst. His tongue tingled when L’s caressed it, and it filled him with desire and a deep-rooted desperation. He changed his angle to reciprocate the man’s movements, their lips now moving in unison as they sank deeper into each other.

Nobody had ever… not like this. Misa’s kisses weren’t necessarily bad, but they were always messy and indelicate-

L’s free hand began travelling up his thigh, and the spasm that triggered on the muscles of his leg was so powerful Light jolted backwards, and the trance was broken. Out of breath, he searched the detective’s face, and looked away when he realized he could only focus on the blush in his cheeks, the intensity of his gaze and the moist spot on his lower lip.

“Ryuzaki-”

“What’s wrong, Light?”

He bit his lip. L’s voice was still deep, but it was gradually acquiring a sharp edge. Now more than ever, he knew he shouldn’t have allowed that to happen. He blurted out the first thing that came to mind.

“What about Misa? Even if she never finds out…”

He shyly searched the man’s face again. L held still for a moment, as he considered his words. Slowly, he seemed to assimilate them. He nodded, and cupped Light’s face again.

“Then… you can hold me accountable for it.” L whispered, and dived back in. That time their mouths locked together even more naturally, and although Light’s whole body was brimming with the urge to give in to the kiss, he still couldn’t brush off the feeling that it was wrong.

Disrespecting Misa, playing with her feelings for him… he wasn’t like that. And the fact that he had to instruct himself to feel guilty about it only brought him self-disgust. He turned his face to the side, and L’s lips slid away from his. The detective didn’t waste over a mere second to understand that this –whatever it was– would not drag any longer.

“Could it be that you were pretending to be interested in me?” He inquired.

Light flinched. His words stung more than he could’ve predicted.

“Do you think I’d do that? You know what, don’t answer. Either way, this… it’s not fair on Misa. I told you I would never use a woman’s feelings to my advantage, so don’t make me betray myself-”

“You don’t love her.” Light gulped. “You don’t even know why you are with her, do you.” L’s gaze grew harder as he went from appreciating Light to analyzing him; a shift Light himself was all too familiar with. “You forgot… together with everything else-”

“That’s enough.” He cut him, his voice coming out firmer than he had expected, and brushed L’s hands off his face. “I’m not about to believe I am a murderer. And Misa isn’t either. I’m not what you think I am, Ryuzaki.”

That being said, Light rolled over and pulled the covers over himself, signaling the end of the conversation. What they just did… it was better off forgotten. As things were now, stubbornly trying to follow that path would only bring pain, regardless of Light turning out to be Kira or not, and regardless of his feelings for Misa and the man. Which didn’t necessarily mean that Light wasn’t already aching over it, but he’d never admit to it.

After a good five minutes of complete stillness, L finally tucked himself in bed, he too giving his back to Light, and before drifting to sleep he murmured:

“If it’s worth something, I really hope you weren’t.”

Yes. The memory of that night’s events, no matter how long gone, was very fresh in their minds. Though, just like the nightmares had been back then, the Light from the present didn’t quite feel that it belonged to him.

When he lost the Death Note… it was crazy. He became a completely different person. It wasn’t just about not remembering being Kira; it reached the point where thinking of what Kira had done revolted him to the core. Then he began questioning himself, doubting his own innocence, and came to realize he could understand his actions to some extent. He used to think the world was rotten before Kira entered the picture, and he still did during the Yotsuba period.

However, the retrieval of the Death Note carved a crack in his moral system he didn’t remember ever sealing. He went back to his old ways, used Misa just like the dangerously volatile tool he had always seen her as. He used everyone, including Rem, a God. Thinking back, it made sense L was suspicious of his most tender side; the Light he was now would have definitely tried to seduce L if he had seen some utility in it.

Kira would have never fallen for the detective.

Even so… what he had felt back then had been real. He did fall for him. And he was given a chance to shatter that burden when he got his memories back –his priority went back to being himself, and L was simply an obstacle–, but this was the first time he let himself think about what could have been, and he found out his feelings weren’t shattered at all.

It still ached.

“Didn’t you do that just to test me?” Light said, accusingly. “You thought I was acting it out, didn’t you. You had to see for yourself how far I’d take it.”

L didn’t kiss him because he felt something for him; he did it to see if he would recoil. In fact, the way he rejected the man in the end was probably interpreted as a positive result.

The ghost didn’t need to answer –Light could see the admission in his face.

“I pretty much confessed to you.” He looked away. That was in the past now. It should have been. L was dead. Then why did he still feel so bitter about it? “And you didn’t even care. You were too busy studying me like a bloody scientist.”

“Can you blame me?” He couldn’t. “Besides, that is not entirely true.”

Confused and untrusting, Light locked eyes with the ghost. L sighed.

“I do admit I didn’t believe it at first –it was too convenient. But I never gave you any hints I was romantically interested in you, and I couldn’t have imagined you were. Therefore, I didn’t understand why you resorted to that method if you just wanted to manipulate me. I began to wonder if it had been for real; but before I could question you further on the subject it was too late. We captured Higuchi, and it didn’t take me long to notice that you… changed.”

Light’s stare landed on his feet. He believed L; he was dead and didn’t need to lie. What if the detective had said something before they cornered Higuchi? It was pointless to dwell on it, since Light was certain he would have killed him in the end. The world needed L to die so Kira could reign. In retrospect, it was a good thing he didn’t, since he allowed Light to move forward with his heart unscathed.

Or so he thought, before all the pain he wasn’t even aware existed inside him through the years came back to bite at him. He hated it. Despising L was easier than this.

“Why are you telling me this?” He bit back, arms crossed as he returned L’s gaze, his ache now obvious in his features. “If I had broken into tears back then and told you I still felt the same way for you, would you have let me go? Would you have risked trusting me? No, you wouldn’t have given me a chance-”

“I did give you a chance. That’s how I know Takada is as good as dead now.”

Light’s eyes widened. He couldn’t mean…

“That time…”

It had been the night after Higuchi’s capture. He had his memories back, and L had, according to the Task Force’s wishes, begrudgingly agreed to dispose of the handcuffs that had bound them together for months. Light was allowed to spend the night in his own room, alone, for the first time in what seemed ages. However, he couldn’t sleep.

It must have been because the excitement at seeing his plan work out perfectly had been too great. Or maybe he had grown used to having someone else lie next to him. His bed seemed huge to the eye and cold to the touch, even though it was the same size as the previous one and both rooms’ thermostats shared the same settings.

He was pacing around aimlessly when he heard a knock on the door. It was L. But Light didn’t get to talk to him, for the man immediately raised his dark eyes to Light’s and determinedly jumped him, pulling him into a ravenous kiss. And before nobody could get in the way, the door was slammed shut and they were in bed.

This could work for my advantage, Light had thought as he gave in without a care for the world. He had wanted it for so long, anyway. In the end, it had been a good way to release pent-up frustrations and unnecessary feelings, and no sweet words or pathetic confessions were exchanged.

“I woke up, alone.” He recalled. “You had gone out to the roof, even though it was pouring. That’s where I found you.”

Right now, Ghost L looked just as sad and decidedly hopeless as he had looked back then. Light could even imagine the rain dripping down his face and dampening him whole in between one blink and the next. Later, at the staircase, L had smiled sadly and said ‘It will be lonely, won’t it? You and I will be parting ways soon’.

He couldn’t have predicted that wouldn’t really ever happen. Still…

“Back then… you already knew you’d die, didn’t you?”

“Yes.” L nodded solemnly.

“But why? I… I gave you my consent. We-”

“Exactly. I knew you disposed of people as soon as you stopped finding them a use. By letting me have you the night before, you were clearly trying to manipulate me. If you had been the same Light I’d been handcuffed to for months –if you had felt strongly enough not to kill me– you would have rejected me. But you didn’t resist or hesitate. Not even when I-”

“Enough.” He breathed. He felt like he was choking. So that was why L had called him a liar back at the roof. The detective had seen right through him… the whole time. But… he was missing a vital piece. A thunder resonated in the distance.

“I invited you to use me. And you did.” L concluded, a small smile forming in his lips without reaching his eyes. The first few droplets began falling.

He had to say it. If he didn’t say it now, he never would.

“Yes, I admit it.” Light lowered his head. The rain grew stronger above him. “I wanted to manipulate you, just as much as you wanted to call me out for it.” Then he raised his chin to look straight into the ghost’s eyes, water rolling down his face as he spoke up. His voice came out broken. “But that’s not all it was, and you know it.”

L’s specter froze, his eyes slowly gaining focus. Light, on the other side, let out a long exhalation. The aching deep in the pit of his stomach didn’t really yield, but shifted. A weight had been lifted; one he couldn’t claim back even if he wanted to.

“Are you saying you truly wanted me?” L breathed out, as if worried that raising his voice would disturb the atmosphere. However, he looked more aghast than hopeful.

“No.” He shook his head, his expression softer. “I’m saying we wanted each other.”

There was silence, and rain. L stood there, petrified as the falling drops trespassed him without disturbing his clothing or his black messy hair. And with every second that he spent with his wide, desperate eyes glued on him, Light’s heart beat faster. Harder.

He had to wait until the man was already dead, but he finally did it.

He finally confessed.

“Won’t you… say something?” He whispered.

L opened his mouth… then closed it. Then opened it again.

“I…” The ghost looked away, and Light realized then how utterly devastated he was. His voice quavered. “I can’t.”

And then he disappeared.

…

Wait.

Why… why couldn’t Light feel him… he was always able to feel him when he vanished, then why?

No.

No… No.

“L…” Nobody answered. “L!!!!!” It was useless.

L wasn’t there. All there was, was silence and rain.

Events continued to develop without further disturbance. He met up with Takada several times –with the Task Force listening, so he didn’t try anything–, and passed his instructions to Mikami. The SPK found out about Mikami and tried to tamper with his Note, so a fake Note was crafted. Everything was going according to plan.

Even Mello’s decision to kidnap Takada, though unexpected, worked out perfectly for him, as he managed to dispatch both of them easily. He had been waiting to see Mello dead since the explosion. As for Takada, he was relieved to take that weight off his back. And he would have actually been able to be a hundred percent remorseless about it had he not remembered his conversation with a certain deceased someone.

As for L… he didn’t return. No matter what Light did or how awful he became, L didn’t manifest, talk inside his head, or give any other signal whatsoever of still existing. And Light had expected it to hurt… maybe he wanted to feel hurt. But he was too empty to feel nothing other than rage, and greed. All that occupied his mind was Near, and their encounter at the warehouse. He was too busy with conquering the world to feel lonely.

Still, some nights he’d surprise himself yelling at the top of his lungs at a soul that no longer tailed him. He’d yell stuff like ‘Aren’t you going to show yourself?!’. There never was an answer.

Then the day came. Mikami did his job perfectly, so much so Light physically struggled to avoid bursting into laughter ahead of time. And right when he was feeling giddy with victory, desperate to rub his success in Near’s juvenile face as the boy’s heart failed… everything was gone. It slipped from between his fingers as easily as the seconds ticked away in his watch.

He didn’t go down without a fight. First, he desperately attempted to accuse the SPK of framing him, and when that didn’t work, he used the truth. The mask he had carefully crafted crumpled. In a feverish, delusional moment of revelation that lacked little to reach hysteria, he gave the greatest speech of his whole life; he shared with them the legacy he had tried to leave behind, hoping they would understand. Even so, Near still called him a crazy serial killer, nothing more, and nothing less.

He had his watch with a piece of the Note inside, but he could have never calculated that Matsuda would shoot him; repeatedly. When he fell to a puddle on the floor and Matsuda stood over him, tears streaking down his betrayed face as he glared and aimed his gun at his head… Light realized how badly he had screwed up.

He could have died. That man could have killed him in a mere instant. Even through the multiple layers of tortuous pain his fresh bullet wounds were inflicting on him, he only had the mental capacity to process that gut-deep, swiping fear.

He called for Mikami… but the man was of no use. So he simply lay there in his puddle as it changed its color from transparent to red. He gasped for air, and cried out.

“Where are you, Misa?!” He had used her, and left her at home, deprived of her memories. “Where’s Takada?!” He had killed her. His actions finally settled fully on him, and tears swelled at the corners of his eyes.

Someone… w-what do I do n-now…

…

L…

Mikami stabbed himself, and Light wasn’t about to grow out of old habits. He used his follower one last time, to crawl to his feet and escape while everybody else focused on the bloodshed.

He ran. As fast as he could, with his body bent over in pain and his injured arm hanging like dead weight by his side. Every step was excruciating to take, and every gasping breath was more difficult to inhale than the one that preceded it, but he didn’t stop. He knew his legs would give in soon. The blood loss was taking an exponential toll on his body. He kept on running, even though it was futile.

Every decision he had made up to that point, only now he could see how they had stuck to him like parasites. He had been rotting away ever since he picked the Note. Ryuk… had been right. In Kira’s crimeless world… the only rotten apple left was him.

However, if he had been given the chance to go back to being that seventeen-year-old, naïve boy he once was, he wouldn’t have taken it.

His running slowed down to walking; he had lost Aizawa and the rest long ago. By the time he reached the abandoned building, he could hardly stay on his feet. He sprawled himself on the stairs… and then he felt it.

It coated over him. It felt like coming back home after what seemed forever.

Hello, Light.

Tears overflowed his eyes. He could have never imagined that his voice would bring him such intense joy.

“L…” he whimpered. “Y-You’re back-”

The specter materialized before him… weird. He looked more corporeal than he ever had before. Or was it just that Light had forgotten how he had looked after so long? There was some sort of ethereal blue aura around him, though, which hadn’t been there before. And he was smiling… fondly.

“You don’t look too well.”

Light laughed, which made him cough and wince in pain.

“Missed you too?” He retorted sarcastically, and it lacked most of its usual bite. Everything, even just raising his head to look L in the eyes, felt awful, but he did it all the same. “I thought… you were gone for good.”

“And give you the pleasure?” The detective grinned, his eyes gleaming. “Never.”

“Good.” He replied, relaxing and smiling at last.

It was at that moment that his heart hammered through his chest… once. Burning pain irradiated in all directions from there. He felt the tingle taking over every inch of his body as his vision blurred and his focus faded.

“W-What…” The pain, suddenly, stopped. All at once. He jerked to his feet, utterly confused, only to realize he didn’t feel the pressure of a floor beneath his feet anymore. L was staring at him wide-eyed. Whatever he saw had him flabbergasted. Light looked over his shoulder… at his own limp body, lying on the stairs and with no soul in its eyes. And he understood. “Ryuk…”

He shook at the incorporeal sound of his own voice.

“That makes two of us, I guess.” L mused, walking over to face him. “Welcome to the realm of the dead, Light.”

“I’m…” He stood still, having a hard time processing it. Then, slowly… a sparkling sensation in his stomach bubbled up, and he giggled. The smile he gave to L was radiant, as he reached out to him.

And as if things couldn’t get any more amazing, when his inexistent fingers landed on the man’s chest… there was resistance to oppose them. Solid, and warm.

“L!” He beamed, patting the other repeatedly. “I can touch you… I’m touching you!”

“Yes. Yes you are.” L confirmed, laughing too. He was bedazzled. “I feel you…”

The moment after, they were wrapped in each other’s arms, laughing. It shouldn’t have felt this real, but it did. Light could even perceive a hint of L’s scent when he dug his face into raven hair.

“You’re here…” He squeezed harder. “What happened? Why did you disappear? Where did you go?”

“I was always here. I was just in such conflict with myself I couldn’t reach out to you.” The man murmured against his shoulder. “I get it now… this was my mission all along. I was supposed to be here, to welcome you when you passed away. Everything makes sense now…”

Light pulled away. He needed to look L in the eyes.

“So, a moment ago…” He hesitated for a moment that didn’t last too long. “When you spoke to me. Was I able to hear you because I was agonizing, or-”

“I don’t think that’s the reason.” L shook his head, and smiled. “I finally found an answer to my conflict. To my feelings for you.”

Light blinked, finally understanding. He didn’t think he’d be able to feel butterflies in his stomach given how he no longer had internal organs, but he did.

“What I said that time…”

“You wrecked me.” L joked, and cupped Light’s face in his hands. When their eyes locked, his were full of devotion. “But you were right. I shouldn’t have, you were a mass murderer not to mention my nemesis, but I did want you. More than you can imagine.”

Light reached up, to fondly caress L’s knuckles.

“L, I loved you.” He swallowed, and leaned into the warm touch. “I… still do. Even after everything.”

“Me too.” The man whispered back, and for the first time, Light heard him go weak.“Even after everything.”

He grabbed him by the collar and locked their lips together. He melted into the kiss, trembling feverishly. He had missed this sensation so much he could barely stand it. The plush, wet and enticing brush of their lips soon grew hungrier, starving, even though they were both smiling into it. And it felt, both literally and metaphorically, more real than any other touch they had ever shared, dead or alive.

Then, they slowly began crumbling away. The kiss was broken as they both stared down. It began at their feet –they were dissolving into iridescent specs of dust that caught the light, and then into nothing. Gradually, it crawled up their shins, reaching their knees, and thighs.

But it wasn’t painful, or scary. Neither of them was scared. It was very peaceful. But just in case he didn’t get another chance, Light pressed every part of him that remained to L’s shape.

“L…” He breathed against the man’s mouth. “Are… are you even real? Or have you just been a product of my imagination all this time?”

L looked puzzled for a moment, but then he simply smiled.

“Does it even matter at this point?”

Light looked him in the eyes, as their torsos began to fade, and felt it deep within himself. He took L’s face in his hands, even though the tips of his fingers were disappearing too.

“No.” He concluded, and leaned in for one last loving kiss which L reciprocated.

And after that, nothing.

[cienie-isengardu]

☆, ■, ♡, ♒, ☼, ൠ (maybe... a fashion/style-related headcanon; no Jedi robes allowed for this question?), and ◉ (Do you think you have anything common with this character, personally? If so, what are they?) for Anakin Skywalker (I love your detail-orientated and insightful meta posts on him; that's why your writing is so good and I wanted to meet you).

Awww, thank you so much! I’m sorry it took me so long to answer, but somehow headcanons kinda get longer than I was planning :D

☆ - happy headcanon

The first time Anakin took part in podraces, he almost died. It was horrible moment of life for mother, he knew, but flying made him so damn happy, he couldn't help himself and treasure the memory. The feeling when he was flying with high speed - too fast to get caught by master's anger, too fast to think about past failures and pain, too fast to look back - was like salvation.

Of course, he crashed that day. He was scolded by Watto and laughed at by Sebulba. But it was the first time he tasted freedom and he knew since that day freedom was reachable even for a slave.

■ -  Bedroom/house/living quarters headcanon

Anakin was growing up in poverty, so he was used to lack of luxury.

The little  living space he and Shmi had for themselves was well groomed - everything had its own place to lay, everything was treated well.  Anakin from younger years was taught that the better he takes care for his own possessions, the longer items may have been used. What could be repaired, should be repaired. What could be re-used as something different, should be re-used. What was no longer needed should be given away to other people in need.  Money for home was spent  sparingly and wisely. Though Skywalker family never had too many money, Shmi sometimes allowed herself to buy something nice to home to make the old, yellowish-gray building a bit more colorful and happy place to live. From her Anakin learnt that he does not need a luxury items to make living quarters feels like true home.

Jedi did not care for luxury either, so he had never feel jealous nor need to have better equipped home. Shmi taught him to take care of his things, so his living quarters were always tidy, clothes clean and folded and put in closet. The only one exception was electrical parts, spare parts for machines and all kinds of tools that Anakin used everyday, as a slave and Jedi. The little working space he had for himself was full of random things, quite often found outside and brought home for repair. Even though for some (mainly the Jedi) it looked like cramped - not proper for a padawan, even less for Knight - space, everything was still put in right place in this chaos.

When he was a slave or Jedi, living quarters were mainly use for work and sleep and sometimes to hide from pain, judging look of masters and their scorn.

Living with Padme was pretty easy. Her homes, on Coruscant and Naboo alike, were spacious, colorful, with nice view on beautiful sky or lake. Inside everything was tidy and elegant looking but it took months to get used to these places. Padme's apartment lacked personal items, making the beautiful interior space feeling a bit cold. Except for her bedroom, where she kept holopictures of her family and friends, her beloved holobooks, drawings made by nieces, all the trinkets; the  most precious and dearest items that had nothing to do with expensive jewelry. That spoke about her too much that she didn't want - couldn't - put those on display just like that.

During war when Padme wasn't on Coruscant, Anakin would not sleep in their bedroom. It was too empty, too lonely to lay down there. He wouldn't go to Temple either, if he had a choice in the matter. Hangar where he spent hours repairing and tweaking this or that in his and his men starfighters  was like second home to him. The same was with headquarters of 501st Legion in which Anakin and Rex spent hours writing reports and doing all paperworks between missions. If there was no need to be at Temple, Anakin remain there all night. The couch that he may or may not steal borrow from the corridor was comfortable enough to sleep on (although quite often it was occupied by sleeping Rex who didn't feel like leaving his general when Skywalker still worked even though the man told him to get some rest), and he may or may not bring electric kettle or any other poor machinery that was thrown away that needed just a bit repairing to work again. Oh, and okay, maybe he did ask Padme to buy some nice tea and coffee so 501st could have their own stash instead of rely of canteen assignment. Cookies was just a gift from lovely wife though.

 ♡ - romantic headcanon

Anakin is not really good with words. Basic language was not his native tongue (not even a second, that was Huttese) and frankly, it was not his fault the language was so, well, basic and lacked words to express his feelings. Okay, maybe he wasn't the best person to communicate his feelings in the first place, but the lack of correct words did not help. With is why he sometimes sound so awkward around Padme. He wanted to tell her how much she meant to him, but she would not understand the proper words of his native language.

With is why Anakin express his feeling though little gifts. Not the one bought by money (he did not have money, after all), but hand made by him. Japor snippet, when he was a kid was not romantic gift, really, but it carried all the feelings and hopes he wished to tell Padme, but lacked proper words. He give to his wife the cut down padawan's braid when he was knighted; a special memento of his ambitions and dreams and adulthood, so she knew he was a man, loyal and dedicated not only to Jedi, but to her especially. As knight should be to his queen. He wrote letters to Padme between one battle and another, so she knew he was alive and in love with her all the time. He would cook something tasty when they were together for a night or two, or bring  some little pretty or unique things that made him think of her while found on mission.

Padme may not understand words he says in his native language, but she understand meaning of the gifts. Anakin cares for her, loves her, thinks of her all the time, in peace and war.

♒ - cooking/food headcanon

Between Ob-Wan, Anakin and Padme, Skywalker is the only one that actually should be allowed into kitchen without fear of making mess and burning something. He may not be the best of the best cooks ever (there was little time for Shmi to taught him and Jedi do not teach padawans to cook) but he is pretty good on his own. When he was a boy, he liked those peaceful moments when he could help mother with dinner. They could talk about events of the days, share secrets, plan home budget for another week. As a padawan, he felt weird to not be allowed into kitchen, to rely on droids and kitchen staff to have food. He missed mother very much every time he eat some tasty and rich food; somehow even so good food did not taste that well if he could not share it with Shmi. Now, after her death, cooking by himself feel weird. He likes though the moments when he and Padme cook together, even if Padme just cuts and peels the needed vegetables or prepares other ingredients.

Sometimes, when there is mission for small team and there is time and no danger, Anakin is teaching Ahsoka some basic cooking skills as well. Of course, all padawans are taught how to survive on their own in wilderness, but that is not the same as home cooking. Cooking in field kitchen is not the same as making dinner for Padme either, but he does not mind to cook for always hungry Ahsoka and bunch of curious clone troopers who loves free food that actually has a taste.

Anakin and his men hunt for food as much as it is possible, to not rely all the time on supplies - one never know when they will be under attack again and supplies then will need last for days, it is not wise to eat them if there are other food sources available.

On Tatooine only rich people could be truly picky eater. Anakin grew up in poverty, thus learned to eat anything that will keep him alive. Every food, no matter how awful tasting was something to be thankful for.  On missions, he may or may not eat bugs sometimes just to unnerve his master though.

☼ - appearance headcanon

Anakin does not pay much attention to his appearance. Like, he is always making sure he is clean,  clothes washed and fresh and no holes, but he does not care otherwise how he looks. Unless he is put under high pressure that makes him very well aware he is gonna be judged by everything and the smallest detail slightly less than perfect may meet with disapproval. Which is pretty much how he feels all the time when he must meet with Jedi Council. Until the war, at least, because on frontlines everyone look messy. Even members of Jedi Council.

Shmi taught him to take care of his things and poverty taught him to respect what he little own  which is why Anakin does not drop his Jedi coat on every occasion like his master does all the time. During war, Obi-Wan needed to ask time after time for replacement for his lost (or ruined )Jedi robes. Anakin prefers to mend and darn his own clothes (and Ahsoka, because no padawan of his is gonna fight in clothes full of holes, thank you very much). He likes to repair things, and even mending holes feels calming. Sometimes, during stress, he is literally mending and darning every clothes he get his hands on. His, Obi-Wan's, Ahsoka's, sometimes even Rex's kama.

Anakin has a lot scars. The one across eye is well known and visible but rest  is hidden under heavy Jedi robes. He is not really ashamed by them but he hates when people keep asking about his scars. Because sometimes it is really hard to explain how he got some of them. Jedi do not understand scars from beating by Gardulla's stewards because he did not lower his head quick enough, from drunk scum who threw at him empty bottle, from crashing during podraces. It easier to keep scars hiden; he does not stand out too much from other padawans then.

He has scars that reminds him of childhood in slavery, some from various missions with Obi-Wan, when they together travelled through the galaxy. Some were fresh and new, from brutal fight on many battlefronts. Padme always looks so shocked, so terrified by them he almost feels guilty for showing new scar to her. Almost, because she always kiss him gently, the soft touch of her fingers gliding on the marred skin does not carry any fear, only compassion, only love.

Anakin has one tattoo, in the place where the bomb was once placed inside him. Jedi took it out, freed him from the fear of violent death. But time passed, but he still did not feel free. He needed more noticeable evidence, something much much solid than promises. The tattoo is not big and simply, just Tatooine symbol understood by few people, mainly by slaves. A symbol he risked his life and won his freedom. The tattoo is rarely seen by anyone, but it does not matter. It's not something to look pretty or tough, just statement for Anakin's own peace of mind.

Also, he would never ever grow a beard. He is the type of clean shaving and beside he would not want to look like Obi-Wan. Just no.

ൠ - random headcanon: a fashion/style-related headcanon; no Jedi robes allowed for this question?

Anakin, if he had a chance to pick up clothes for himself, would wear something between military-like and sports motorcyclist style. Army boots, cargo pants and loose shirt, maybe leather jacket or long wool coat, in case of cold. Anything practical yet simple. And in dark (brown and black) colors.

Frankly, the clothes he wore on Naboo in Attack of Clones are what I think he would wear on normal day.

In case of AU modern times, I picture Anakin's fashion sense as a mix of motorbike, military and rock/metalman fashion. Oh, and if he wear dog tags, I'm sure he would keep wedding ring there. And most likely just say the ring is special gift of closest friend if his marriage with Padme was still keep in secret.

◉ - Any other question of your choosing: (Do you think you have anything common with this character, personally? If so, what are they?

Oh, I think I have many things in common with Anakin. The feeling that people are more important than institutions or abstract meaning, valuing friendship above everything else and the strong sense of loyalty to those I'm close with. Oh, and most likely not dealing well with too many emotions albeit Anakin's had much more rough life than me, and a lot trauma to blame on. Me? I'm just asocial person who does not like feelings.