#I didn't try too hard with the likeness either but hopefully it's close enough lol it took everything in me not to give him eyeshadow.

[edithdraws]

I hope he does something terrible

[doyoulikethissong-poll]

Commonly asked questions

How do I submit songs? Submissions are currently closed. When it opens up again, I'll post a message here stating rules and which specific info I require. If you don't supply that info along with the song, your message will be deleted.

I submitted a song when we were allowed. When will it appear? :) There's waaay over two thousand songs in my askbox. 😅 And I'm very slow at posting submitted songs because it takes an oddly more amount of time and energy than you'd think, that's why it's easier for me to go with the songs I already have. Please have a bit more patience, hopefully it'll be posted soon enough! 💖

I don't like the genres posted recently. 🤷‍♀️ I mean, you can tell me what genres there's a lack of and I'll try put more effort into adding more of them.

I don't like the poll options. 🤷‍♀️

Will there be an "Indifferent" option? No. People bitched and very rudely demanded it when the blog was new and it left a very sour taste. Also we're 250+ songs in, it's kinda meh to add it now, but I definitely understand why you want it because some songs are really hard to define if you feel anything at all about them. (also you know people would just click indifferent to see the results instead of listening to the song lol) If I were to ever add more options, it would be love/hate.

How do I vote on a song if I feel indifferent about it? Indifferent = don't like it ig. 🤷‍♀️ Remember, I'm not asking you if you LOVE!!!!!! the song, or if you want to buy it. Liking can be as good as only a "meh, it's ok / decent enough to run in the background". Disliking can be being indifferent instead of outright hating it, when it's so neutral to you that it doesn't give you any positive feelings. It is only a minute long clip that I'm asking you to form an opinion about after all; you can change your mind either way when you hear the full version. Sometimes songs have to grow on you!

How do you pick the songs used in the polls? Mostly like this:

I have a huge mp3 hoarding archive so the submitted songs are easier for me to pick if they're already in my possession. 😅 Songs that aren't in my collection (tagged as #new to admin :D lol. sometimes i search out songs specifically for the poll that are tagged this as well) requires a bit more effort to download/listen to/edit but i have discovered a couple of great new gems so don't think i don't appreciate them!

How do I search for a specific artist/song that you've posted? All artists are tagged a day or so after the song reveal. Don't forget to use the hashtag symbol when searching or tumblr will give you all sorts of odd results!!!! (or none at all, lol) Please also remember that tumblr finds simple easy tasks extremely difficult, so only search for an artist with the easiest type of spelling, like #beyonce instead of #beyoncé. All artists and songs are added to the Complete Song List once their showdown poll is finished, for a quick search of what's been posted.

The audio quality is too poor for my taste!! 😡 sad </3

This is just for you. 💖

Why are all the songs of such vast variating quality? ....i mean, you didn't think I've bought all the tens of thousands of songs in my music library, did you...? Pirating songs gives you variations of quality, hell even my own cd rips have variations. It's easier to get better quality files now than it was back in the days, kiddos, so yeah some songs in the archives needs to be updated with new files. I have some very ancient mp3's that are in really low sound, that i've instead downloaded newer versions of in better quality for the polls but y'all still give me shit about it because the artist have remastered the track to unrecognition or whatever so there's just no pleasing some people i guess lmao. 😂

Do you like all the songs you've posted? No, lol. All the songs that are in my archive are songs I've at least liked enough once upon a time to save them, even if I'm not actively listening to them much anymore. Everything tagged as #new to admin :D are new songs to me that I may or may not like, regardless if they're submitted or if I've scouted them out myself only for the polls. :) Songs that I hate so much that I can't stand them are very few, and I won't waste time on adding them!

Did you change the song in the poll?? No. Maybe you clicked on the wrong one if I posted them too close together or maybe (most likely) tumblr has screwed something up for you. Some songs don't even show at times because it's tumblr being tumblr, just wait it out for a few minutes and tumblr will eventually remember to play the audio. So far there's only one song that I had to re-upload because tumblr killed the file. I can change the clip to better audio or to another part of the same song, but I never replace it to a different one once it's out there for you to vote on, I don't see the point of doing that.

Why are some polls audio files and other video files? Again: tumblr being tumblr. They won't allow some songs to be uploaded as audio, but using them in videos is ok. I hate the audio-as-video format and it requires even more effort from me so I'm not doing it on purpose. :)

I don't remember if I've heard this song before or not. If you know you've heard it, like if you're a fan or a hater or the song has been constantly played on the radio, you know it. (this is why the phrasing has been changed again in the latest polls) If you don't remember it, or just vaguely, or just a specific tiny part used in a meme/tiktok video, choose first time. The only thing that matters is the yes or no, knowing it or not is just an added fun but don't take it too seriously. :) Look at it sort of like "old fan/casual listener/hater vs new listener".

The part of the song that you posted SUCKS!!!! You should have just posted this one specific famous part for people to vote yes! "don't post the actual song in this song poll" ...................................like, no. not gonna post just the meme-bits or the drops or the whatever. Yeah i saw all the comments how you all clicked dislike on "Out of Touch" because you voted before you got to the chorus 😂 That's an honest opinion about the song lol, because a song is more than just a catchy chorus or a big drop. But yeah, sometimes one verse of a song would've maybe been better to post instead of that other verse, I'm with you on that.

I queued this song to see what it is but it's still stated as being Anonymous for me! Reblogs, drafts and queues will only show you what's there at the time, like a screenshot. It won't update automatically. All your reblogs, drafts and queued posts from when the poll is active will only show up as Anonymous songs. Always go back to the original post to see the song reveal. If the info isn't there, then give me a day or two to update the post because most likely things are too busy irl. 💖

I voted wrong/voted before I recognized the song! Will you change my vote? No, I'm not recounting anything wth. 😅

I'm embarrassed. I like the song but I don't want others to know that I do. I promise you that nobody but you can see how you've voted. Not me or your mutuals. Only you see what you've voted on. It's ok to like bad songs, and it's ok to like good songs by bad people. Don't let others shame you for that.

How do I vote on this cover/remix that was posted instead of the original? If you feel like this version is close to the original that you like, vote yes. If you don't feel like this version does the original song justice, vote no, even if it hurts.

This song that I don't know samples another song that I do know. How do I vote? I don't consider samples being used as being the same song, so pick first time. Unlike covers/remixes, the original song that has been sampled might show up at a later time, if it hasn't already been on here before.

How does so many people not know this song!!? Everyone is not your age/not from your country and your experience is not universal. 🤷‍♀️ That being said, I too get wtf-moments sometimes because some songs really do get wacky results, so, yeah 😂

Have you ever thought about-- Yes.

I demand you give me a rickroll!!!!!! Ask things nicely instead of demanding things from me. (This is the most common demand I've gotten, sigh. Thanks to those of you who have at least asked nicely and/or with a sense of humour!)

Please do a rickroll? It's already been posted in a bonus poll. It might show up in a "real" poll in years from now if this poll blog is still active but as of now it was added to a tumblr meme post where it was better suited.

I'm gonna ignore that submissions are closed and send you song suggestions anyway!!!! They will be deleted because they're not asked for atm. Unless you're the artist. Exceptions can be made in that case. :)

This poll blog doesn't respect my requirement to know who the artists are before I listen to their songs because of my need - that is very important that everyone else needs to acknowledge and follow - to know if a person is of a good moral standing according to my own views!! 😡 There's other poll blogs better suited for you. Not everything online has to be adjusted to fit *your* particular needs. 🤷‍♀️ (YES i've actually gotten this demand way too often. Sigh.)

Why was my reblog hidden from the notes where I spew hatred over an artist?! You are censoring me!!!! Did you mention the artist by name, or other obvious spoilers? Don't post spoilers. 🤷‍♀️

You hid this other comment I made with no spoilers!!!!! Sometimes comments show in dashboard mode but not in app mode and vice versa, or not even in the notifications. Haven't we already established that tumblr finds easy stuff extremely difficult? Also, sometimes you and I don't share an opinion of what a spoiler means. To all of you who have claimed an artist's name isn't a spoiler, yeah it's kind of a big one. As for the artist mentioning their own name or the song title in the song, you only hear that once you listen to the clip. Knowing it before even clicking to play the music is a spoiler.

Why have you turned off replies? I want to say things without reblogging!! I mean 🤷‍♀️ I'm sure you know why. Replies and anons have been turned off from the very beginning. The few times replies actually have been turned on, it's been stated as such and been very temporarily, like when we've discussed music in some post.

Turn on anon!!! I'm to shy to say thing off-anon! I mostly reply to things privately, or this blog would be nothing but q&a. Anons are off for a reason. Abuse and death threats are to be associated with the sender's account for all to see. I'm always nice to nice people so there's no need to worry about sending me questions or tagging me in things. :) 💖

I demand you to-- Pay me. :)

Shut up and take the abuse thrown at you personally because you're just a poll blog! You are aware that the poll blogs on tumblr aren't actually run by bots, right? Don't be an obnoxious twat. (and ughh yes, this too has been said to me several times. Sigh.)

I want you to add this song I want RIGHT NOW and/or i WANT these other options added now! Rich people can always break all the rules, just like irl. Just give me the $$$$ 😘

I don't like this song because I don't understand the language. Please only post English songs. Ok well, I mean, you can always learn other languages. 🤷‍♀️ Just like how I learned English.

If anyone feels targeted by these last questions without me meaning to, I'm sorry. These actually are the most common questions and comments and demands I've gotten in my askbox. Especially when the blog was new and people Demanded Their Rights to have me adjust everything to suit them. Don't feel like you can't state your thoughts in reblogs or in messages because as long as you're not being rude to me, my attitude on some answers isn't targeted at you, only at them. 💖 Remember to just have fun with the polls and hopefully you and/or your mutuals discover new music!

[saltymongoose]

Hi coming in with another silly idea Imagine that the Player is in early Nevada, and around the time Nexus is supposed to fall they fall into a type of coma. Jeb goes through with his plan (painfully without the player by his side), Hofnarr turns into Tricky with his last thoughts begging for the Player to come back. Phobos' fight being much more easy due to the fact he thinks his god abandoned him. Then the Player comes back like "hey sorry about that" and Jeb starts wailing while Tricky goes YIPPEE and runs around them like an excited dog.

Why is everything you draw so cute omg 😭, everyone is so adorable here. It's honestly a little weird to see the Employers look so huggable, I love it.

To actually get into the scenario though, my thoughts on this are far too long to make it into a normal ask response, so you're getting some sort of unofficial hcs instead lol. Enjoy!

<The Player Falls into a Coma before the Fall> ft. Jebus, Hofnarr/Tricky, the Employers & Phobos

(TW: Yandere)

There was no warning for your sudden coma whatsoever. At most, you felt a tad more exhausted than usual at the end of the day, but this can be attributed to many different things, so of course you wouldn't worry about it. Neither would anyone else either, for that matter.

You had absolutely no idea that when you slowly fell asleep that night, you wouldn't be waking up again for a very long time.

It certainly wouldn’t take long for those you know to find out about your condition either. For one, Hofnarr and Jeb would want to recap their plan with you before going through with it, so naturally they stopped by for that. However, they find you unconscious and completely unresponsive to their every attempt to wake you. To make matters worse, there isn't a sign that you'd been awake at all in the past few days; the buildup of dust on your furniture and the letters in your mailbox shows as much.

Despite their worry, they’d eventually have to leave your side, if only to get more medical supplies and other things to help you. This opens up a window for the others in your life to finally take action, those being the Employers.

The shadowy figures had been keeping tabs on you all the time, so when you just didn't wake up, they would probably be the first to know - even if their actions came second to the Nexus Scientist's.

(You didn’t send the Deliberator a “good morning” text and he started panicking. What could possibly be so bad that you didn't speak to him? A cursory call to the worried AAHW agents the Auditor had sent to tail you was proof enough that you'd deviated from your usual schedule, and you weren't the type to ever be late.)

They were quick to take you from your home and to a more secret place, so that they could keep close observation over you.

Honestly, despite how much the Employers might brag about knowing you better than anyone else (a privilege they gained from being the first to realize your existence), they truly know little about your anatomy. However, they can tell that sleeping for full days isn't normal at all, judging by your previous behavior.

They're also far too stubborn to ask any other mortals for help as well, so they simply resigned to try to help you themselves while keeping you safe with them. They couldn't do much else, so hopefully you'd understand that once you awoke in a strange place.

Nevada rots without your guidance and the grunts you were close to were left reeling by this (unintentional) abandonment you committed.

Phobos loses much of his drive due to his own emotional frailty as he grappled with his uncharacteristic self-doubt and questioning. As it happens, this also makes him more zealous as well. In his last moments, he has a second wind, believing that if he just fights hard enough, you might decide to come back and help him in his battle against Christoff. (But you don't. You couldn't.)

Jebus' feelings are surprisingly parallel to the Director's in terms of worship and near zealotry. Except, he believes it might be his fault that you left, which only increases the fervor he has to complete his plans. It will be painful without you there, but this agony is his repentance for the sins which he has wronged you with. It is only through this that he believes you might show your presence once more, even if it’s not now.

Unfortunately, Hofnarr's transformation into Tricky was just as painful as it would be otherwise, and the pain of abandonment just makes it worse. Funny, how the pictures taken of you with him and Christoff were miraculously unscathed within Hofnarr's lab even after Tricky came to be. The zombified clown must have found some value in them, even if he couldn’t remember the complete reason why he felt so warm when he looked at them.

Of course, you did actually awaken eventually. You had no idea how much time had passed when you woke up, so seeing the Employers look so uncharacteristically worried when you woke up was really odd. You honestly think they’d be weepy if they had the ability to cry.

You really didn’t know how to react to the news that you’d essentially been in a coma for thirty years. Your first course of action is to find Jeb and Tricky to find out what actually happened since you feared your early appearance might’ve had an impact on the timeline regarding Nevada’s fall. This leads to very different reactions.

Jeb isn't one to typically show much vulnerability, but seeing you again completely shatters those walls he's kept up for so long. At first, he thinks you're just a hallucination; the culmination of all the longing he has for you finally taking its toll on his broken mind as almost a cruel joke. 

The first words he speaks to you after thirty years is a short, "You're not real", said as more of an insistence to himself than anything. But when he comes closer and you don’t disappear, and he reaches out a trembling hand to rest lightly on your shoulder, and you stay, he just breaks. The warmth of your form washes over him like it used to, and suddenly he feels an uncomfortable tightness well up in his throat as tears gather in his eyes.

You reach up to hold his taller form closer to you, sinking to the ground with him as he buries his face into your neck and sobs. His hold on you is soft, and his hands are still shaky; he's holding you like he's scared of shattering you, and he only gets weaker when you whisper soothing words and apologies to him.

Compared to Jebus, your meeting with Tricky was a lot more upbeat. It’s probably because he was spared much of the reflection and sorrow that Jeb went through due to his rather unstable mental state, but that didn’t stop him from somehow recognizing you. It’s almost like a switch flipped in his mind, and he went from violently slamming his sign into some poor grunt's face to freezing at the sight of your face.

He then tosses the sign away and almost launches himself at you to envelop you in a tight bear hug, screaming excitedly while you grin back rather tiredly. (You hope your eardrums will be okay after this.) But in the next second, he's whirling away from you, flailing his hands as he continues to talk.

It’s like being greeted by your dog after being away for months; he never stops moving or asking hurried questions about where you’ve been, intermittent with little words about how much he’s missed you.

Both Jeb and Tricky are very clingy after this. Even if they don't get along now, they're not willing to let you leave their sides after this, especially not when you go to sleep. (What if you fall into a coma again? Someone has to be there to take care of you.)

Deep down, they also have a striking suspicion that someone was behind your coma. They didn't know who exactly, but there was no other explanation to them than this. How else would you, Nevada's most powerful being, fall into such a state?

(In the near future, when you come across Hank and the others, let's just say that your scientists won't be deterred from leaving your side quite so easily. You'd been gone for thirty years, so you should only expect their companionship to remain more permanent for the coming years.)

[coconox]

my 2 cents on the state of whb

i've been contemplating about my thoughts on this game since i never really sat down and processed it, and a month of not playing the game and just keeping up with fandom content/official game news i think i can properly format my words (hopefully idk lol)

if you're looking for a specific section dw i'll properly format everything under the cut so you can just scroll till you find whatever you're looking for (also head's up it's insanely long i'm sorry but kinda not sorry i wanted to just put all my thoughts into one post rather than multiple)

SMALL INTRO

for some context on my experience, i have been playing this game everyday since launch/day 1, i was f2p up until i got juno's card, which i'll talk about later, but just know in advanced that juno was the only case where i've spent money. i uninstalled around the time the announcement was made in regards to no posting full stories of paid content, so almost month ago, and only reinstalled recently to grab certain items to add to the spreadsheet that i've been maintaining since november (aka a month after launch)

i've said it privately to a couple of close friends but i'll say it publicly here: imho, i think they released the game way too early even with the fact that they delayed launch 3 times.

i understand a handleful of bugs are from the fact that the public servers are significantly larger than test servers, but playing this game after the servers kinda stabilized feels like we are the test players, like we're constantly given rough drafts rather than the final copy.

the localization is rough to say the least, but i think i've been so used to it from other gachas that i've played that it didn't really ruin the experience for me,,, except when the text would switch to an entirely different language HJGFDHJGK

from visual bugs to gameplay bugs to voiceline bugs, there's been a lack of communication in terms of what has been fixed and what is still a wip. instead the players just have to "fuck around and find out" in terms of whether something has been fixed or not.

as i continue to state the issues with this game and its direction i'd like to put a disclaimer that i am by no means an expert in any of this stuff lol. i'm just a guy who nerds out over math, spreadsheets, and video games and everything i'll be saying is my personal opinion based on what i've seen/experienced.

THE ISSUE(S)

SOLOMON SEALS AND GACHA

i think the first mistake was them adding solomon seals in the first place. based on what packs in the past looked like, it looked like red keys were originally designed to be for debut characters, but instead they throw a curve ball and add ANOTHER gacha currency that was essentially p2w only up till some point early this year. this ultimately led to there being 2 standard banners, both of which essentially do the same thing except one doesn't have A/B/C-ranks. the fact that now even with realm of seraphim, in order for f2ps to have enough to guarantee with seals, they need to save for a year and a half. that is WAY too long for ONE character. this is of course worst case scenario of needing to hit pity, i'm aware you can get characters early but you should never always expect you'll get early in gacha games, i learned that the hard way during my idk how many years i've been playing gachas lol

i personally think that there's no winning across any of the gacha banners. there's no pity for either of the standards, and debut L/S-ranks have imo too high of a pity for what we're actually receiving per week. we essentially get more or less 1 pull per week in terms of red keys, yellow keys, and seals through dailies/weeklies alone, though of course that can vary cause of the rng key boxes, monthly login rewards, etc.

PANCAKES

there seems to be a general pattern that i've noticed of rather than confronting an issue directly they try to create something new in hoping that fixes the issue instead. an example of that would be the pancake shop.

the old pancake shop was fine as is, we could get a multi for relatively cheap price and get pie boxes everyday (albeit they're rng but pies are pies). what they could've done was add the L-ranks and skip tickets or whatever new thing they wanted to add into that old shop, adjusting the currency wherever necessary. yet instead they just remove the old system entirely and replace it for a new one that no one really asked for? while having the L-ranks in shop are nice, an entirely new system wasn't necessary to make that one relatively small addition. having A+-ranks and lower give gold and books was also not necessary, we have resource stages containing those 2 things and it's very accessible to everyone. what resources we are lacking in however are tears and pies, which are arguably more important than gold and books since those 2 currencies are the core to ascending/lvling characters and their skills.

PIES

i've emailed pb in the past in regards to if there will be other permanent methods for obtaining pies, and their response was holy coin portal and events. those two are NOT stable enough for pie income considering the prices of skills. if there's instances in unholy board where we need to level a character's skills, i'd expect there to be some sort of resource stage that would allow us to get pies so that we can easily obtain that skill level requirement.

"META" GAMEPLAY

i'll explain the quotes in a bit but i do want to put a disclaimer that whb was the first time i've experienced a full on tower defense style gameplay for gachas. i was already familiar with how it works kinda because of neural cloud even though the game as a whole is more like an auto-chess game of sorts, but some story gameplay had tower defense mechanisms and i learned a fair bit from playing that. personally i also haven't played arknights since i'm trying to cut down on the amount of gachas i play but i am aware of its playstyle through friends who like to attempt to drag me into playing it cause of certain characters that i might simp over (*cough flamebringer cough insider cough chongyue cough*)

disclaimer aside, trying to piece together what characters work and what don't genuinely hurts my brain. i put "meta" in quotes because realistically there's only 1: all L-rank light types, ideally at least 1 tank, maybe 1 healer (though a tank can act as both), rest be whatever dps you'd like really (preferably satan considering the fact he can be extremely reliable without his ultimate unlike a few characters). of course, everyone will have a different opinion on what they deem as meta, but that's the general idea i'd personally follow based on what kind of battles have been given to us, what characters are available, etc. the rest tbh are just "cope and seethe" for lack of a better term.

there's a huge type advantage with light and dark types, and i really wish they could buff the other elements more just show they have some spotlight too. i also wish there were more non-light L-ranks. as of making this post, out of the 23 L-rank characters there is currently only 1 non-light L-rank, and it's juno, an L-rank fire marksman.

the part that really "hurts" me the most (don't really know what other word to put here LOL) is the fact that this game is going in a very specific direction of just dps'ing through everything and hope you clear the stage before the enemies kill you.

this game has a huge and imbalanced ratio between dps characters and support characters regardless of element. the fact that we only have 5 healers (NOT including lucifer (victory) considering he's technically a marksman and the healing is from his artifact and not in his skills) and 8 tanks, whereas marksman and close-rangers have twice or thrice the amount is absurd. what pains me more is the fact that for tanks, if you don't have mammon, you're screwed. arguably the best non-mammon option players have that's accessible is bimet. valefor and eligos share the same kit with the fact that their downfall is the possibility that they could be instakilled the second they pop their ult. healers on the other hand are somewhat more lenient. if you don't have lucifer, marbas is your next best, then gamigin (marbas and gamigin can technically be placed interchangeably since their healing differs by 0.1%, it just depends on who you have), then morax, then maybe buer but he only heals 1 unit at a time rather than multiple but i digress. healers still have multiple and very reliable non-L-rank alternatives whilst tanks really only have 1. i really, really hope there's more support units in the future cause man this sucks.

NIGHTMARE PASS

spending $50-$70, on paper, is significantly better than spending ~$400 for a character, and that's really the only "good" thing about it 💀

$50-$70 may feel like nothing to some players, but to a majority, that is a portion of a cost towards food, groceries, rent, etc. basically, i'd assume a majority of people would prioritize surviving than watching pixels on a screen.

i understand at the end of the day pb is running a business, but for kings to be fully locked behind a paywall knowing for a fact that a majority of the player base are 1. casuals/f2ps and 2. are here for the kings is absurd. plus with the fact that typically nightmare pass characters aren't added to standard and aren't always 100% guaranteed to rerun in the future just puts the nail in the coffin for me.

i think it makes more sense for non-kings like juno to be in nightmare pass because it's just additional fun and silly content that arguably won't be tied to the main lore and whatnot, maybe referenced as a silly bit here or there but it'd be more of an easter egg than something important that you absolutely need to know.

personally i bought juno's pass because i love his design, kit, and voice. story was kinda meh for me personally but i really just cared more about the va and gameplay. gameplay-wise, he certainly does not disappoint as a gehenna support unit. but do i regret purchasing him? yes and no. oddly enough this was probably the first i've ever felt guilty in terms of buying something i wanted in a gacha game. yes i regret it in terms of i'm no longer really playing this game anymore, which is unfortunate considering i barely made it through half a year of this game's release. yet at the same time, no i don't regret it because he is a really fun unit. for example, when it's gabriel's rotation in realm of seraphim, juno's, leraye (nostalgia)'s, and leraye's ultimates absolutely DESTROY gabriel in a matter of like <10 or so seconds and it's so satisfying to see. i also just really like his va, scratches a very particular itch in my brain.

anyways before i get sidetracked over appreciating juno, the fundamental flaws of nightmare pass are essentially

you shouldn't need to buy both tiers to get the character. you should realistically need to buy the highest tier and by default it unlocks all previous tiers below it

ui is a bit confusing. i still don't get why f2ps have to unlock parts of nightmare pass that they can't even access/obtain. there should be a clear separation between what f2ps get, what advanced tier gets, and what premium tier gets.

it's too expensive. most bp's i know are ~$10 at the highest tier, though that's considering the fact that bp's i'm familiar with only give cosmetics rather than actual units

from what i've heard through the grapevine, beel (bath) is basically in the same formatting as all the other currently existing bath cards, which are all currently obtainable through gacha. beel has no reason to be in nightmare pass. it genuinely makes no sense as to why pb put him there aside from getting money and that in-turn alienates a majority of the fan base since we can't even view the prologue of card stories if they're a nightmare pass character.

when nightmare pass was first released during christmas, everything was in chaos. the fact that a nightmare pass character needed the other two limited gacha characters gameplay-wise is absurd (mind you, this was before we were given the chance to earn seals through weeklies). everything was too expensive, and rather than an enjoyable christmas event it felt like a "merry christmas, now give us money" kind of situation. i think nightmare pass should not be happening as frequent as it is now. the gap between gabriel and juno was perfectly fine (4 month gap btw), but for a nightmare pass to happen back to back on top of gacha events is too much for both f2ps and p2ws.

the point of buying packs, bp, anything that costs real money in a gacha game is so it makes your gameplay experience easier, paying shouldn't be the main component of your game. personally based on what i've experienced through playing gacha games you should theoretically be able to pull for almost every character on debut just by playing dailies/weeklies/events, yet here we get a bit over a multi per patch (this includes playing realm of seraphim).

DICTATING FANDOM INTERACTIONS

i wholeheartedly believe a fandom is what keeps a game alive. a hindrance to the fan base is a hindrance to the game, which can be seen with the aftermath of pb announcing that legal action will be taken if full stories of paid content are shared publicly. while i understand from a business standpoint that pb would want to enforce the "no sharing full story" thing for paid content since they want players to yk, buy the card, like i mentioned in the previous section, the majority of the player base just cannot afford it.

the people who posted full stories wanted to share to those who cannot afford it, some people may not want only tidbits of the story but rather the whole context, especially those who enjoy dissecting character lore but don't have the irl funds to fully experience it themselves. some people may even want to archive it, cause honestly no one knows how long this game will stay up and we want to archive story so that it's something we can easily look back on. to essentially make players borderline terrified on trying to figure out whether or not it's ok to publicly post stuff in relation to any sort of story content is absurd.

there is also that loophole of what is defined as a paid story. when events end and get put behind a paywall, does that now count as paid story or is that still ok? what about debut L-ranks that are behind seals and there's a 3 month downtime till they're added to standard? or is it just referring to nightmare pass characters? paid stories in the context of the state of the game right now is insanely broad, it's practically at least 50% of this game (i'm exaggerating (or maybe not i wouldn't be surprised if that was actually the case)).

i understand no datamining, while it technically speaking isn't illegal, it's disrespectful to the devs, but a lot of these call to action methods they're announcing are rather extreme imo.

with the most recent cards either being put to standard 3 months after their banner ends or flat out paywalled and not 100% guaranteed to have a rerun, story content as of late has been very sparse. what people want most is a main story update, which we were originally promised to be updated every 3 months and it is now month 6 and we still have nothing.

EVENTS AND EVENT STORIES

event stories being locked behind a paywall after the event ends is probably the first time i've ever seen a gacha game do this. most of the gachas i've played either don't archive event story at all and just rerun it every year, don't rerun or archive the event at all (i.e. if you miss it, cope and seethe), or they archive it for FREE. it feels insanely greedy how EVERY event story needs payment if you ever want to backread an old event.

what also concerns me is the fact like instances like gamigin's event or beleth's event carry so much lore for their respective region and that may never show up in main story, which then screws new players over in not knowing the full context behind every region. events like minhyeok's or bimet's are fine in the sense that it doesn't carry that much lore in comparison to the more recent events. the first few events were like silly banter and getting to know a bit more about the cast.

also changing the event shop from daily pies to a set limit per account was an awful choice it just emphasizes my point earlier of how unstable obtaining pies are in this game.

FULFILLING PROMISES

i think while it was a smart move to list what's gonna be implemented throughout the year, they shouldn't have stated deadlines on when they're doing so.

the following are the things that still aren't implemented yet as of making this post:

new daily chats (expected within february)

friends system (expected within march)

birthday system (more specifically celebrating your bday) (expected within april)

new main story chapter (new chapter expected every 3 months)

if pb were to just say "here's what to expect in 2024" and NOT give specific months, that's fine, but giving these specific months sets an expectation that they would complete it within that timeframe. main story for example is probably the one people have been anticipating the most. by now as of july, if we were to follow the expectation pb gave us, we would currently be on chapter 7, or at the very least chapter 7 would've been released some time this month. we have not even gotten chapter 6 yet. chapter 5 was released in january. it has been 6 months since the last main story update. failing to meet these timeframes will make people upset, because it was mentioned in the announcement that it's 1. a promise (i hope i'm not the only one that takes promises seriously) and 2. in bold yellow text, "what we can realistically expect to see in 2024." the only promises that were fulfilled on-time were the ones in january, the rest have been delayed by at least a month. if you're giving a timeline of what's happening, announce if there's any changes to that timeline, because not doing so will make players believe you were lying to them even though you probably aren't and are instead just falling behind schedule.

i think what hurts more to me is the fact that they aren't publicly communicating these delays. it shouldn't be our responsibility to find out why or when something isn't happening within the timeframe they promised (e.g. by emailing them), it should be up to the devs to communicate that publicly to us. i'm not saying they should overshare what's going on behind the scenes, it can simply just be a simple announcement of "hey, we're very sorry but we're having some technical difficulties with this certain feature and we need more time. here is some compensation in the meantime, thank you for your patience and again, we're very sorry." it's that simple.

FINAL THOUGHTS

i mentioned back in my intro that i feel like this game was released too early purely because the fundamentals of making a bare minimum decent gacha game are just not there. if every patch update has people complaining on what's just recently been added/removed, you're not fully listening to what the audience wants. while i understand pb is a small business, a business is still a business regardless of size and criticism/feedback is necessary especially in a game dev setting.

i've followed this game's news ever since it was teased, which was december of 2022, i've lurked/participated in the fandom (on here at least) ever since september of 2023. i've felt a rollercoaster of thoughts and emotions of "omg this is so great" to "why is this even a feature," hoping that over time the game would get better, but the only thing that's improved was server stability (and even that's still a bit rocky 💀).

a huge part of my stay was just being a lurker in the fandom. i genuinely appreciate all the creatives who fulfill asked prompts of characters, make ocs, fanart, write theories, reactions + many more. i love seeing other people's works/opinions and having just a lively fandom made it all more fun.

but at this point this game is just not for me. i've really only stuck around to read mammon's lore but since main story hasn't been updated in 6 months i'll really only chime back in when there's finally an update. it still amazes me to this day that my patience lasted this long. i think i've covered everything i wanted to cover but my memory is swiss cheese so if i forgot something,,, woops 💀

as for the future of the spreadsheet for those who check back on it, it's still being managed by myself and windy, who has been a huge help since day 1 of creating the build lists and team comps and i honestly can't thank her enough for also enduring this pain of a game with me as we've worked on this spreadsheet together hgjdfgh (luv u bestie 🫶). though it's written in the narrative that both of us will eventually quit updating it entirely if this game persists on not having any signs of improvement. when that day comes i'll make sure to post an announcement about it.

as for myself i'm probably still gonna lurk in the fandom/keep an eye out on game news. i doubt i'll be making any fanart anymore unless if i really have the motivation/boredom for it, but currently i'm revamping the "aesthetics" of this account so nothing's really set in stone. maybe i'll make a few whb rambles here or there if some game news really irks me but for the most part i've already been in the process of moving on to other things.

if you've stuck around this long to read this mess of a post, thank you for sticking around and have a cookie, you deserve it 🫴🍪

[thiccpettybitch]

Sweet Sorrow - Ch. 2 Miguel O’hara x F!Reader

Okay, so it's been longer than I wanted – I'm sorry, lol. I ended up rewriting this chapter because I wasn't happy with it, and now I am, so... hopefully, you are too, lol! Also, I'm struggling with not rushing through it, but I want to get to the good bits, lol! Either way, I don't know what's next – probably Boxer Miguel or Ghost x Reader. We'll see! As always, enjoy!🥰

Two days had gone by, two days spent doing nothing but lying on that firm couch and gazing into space. Every now and then, you would sit up, your gaze fixed on the narrow gap in the blinds, letting a sliver of light filter into the otherwise dim room.

The idea of a shower and some food was almost enough to coax you into moving—almost. But no, you had already made up your mind; you weren't going to budge until... well... you weren't sure, to be honest. It's not like you had a clear plan. I mean, who gets kidnapped from their own dimension and then lands up in a futuristic world? You had no idea where you were or how on earth you were going to get back home.

Home… well, that wasn't an option. As much as you yearned for it, as much as the longing for your aunt, uncle, and... Miguel tugged at you, you just couldn't. There wasn't even enough energy left in you to summon a sense of guilt over it; after all, it was him you missed the most.

You felt so incredibly alone. Sure, Lyla kept you company, and those light hearted conversations were a nice distraction, but when night arrived, and you were left there in the silent darkness, staring up at the plain white ceiling, a heavy lump formed in the pit of your stomach. You'd toss and turn, close your eyes in a futile attempt to fall asleep, or try to shift your focus to something else, but it didn't really matter.

Your life and fate were completely out of your hands now. Everyone you knew, everyone you cared about, the life you were familiar with—it was all gone.

Your stubbornness aside, your bladder's insistence was hard to ignore. So, with a resigned sigh, you stood up and headed towards the plain white door that you were now pretty certain led to the bathroom. Just as you were almost there, however, Miguel suddenly appeared right in front of you. Caught off guard, you ended up walking straight into him.

He looked down at you not the least bit bothered by you quite literally smacking in to him, He looked down at you not the least bit bothered by you quite literally smacking in to him. You didn't bother looking up at him; instead, a string of internal curses flowed. Of all times, he had to stroll out of his bedroom right then. After you hadn't budged from the couch for a good two days, figures that the very moment you finally gave in, he would pop up.

Glancing between you and the door, he took a quiet step back. One hand remained hidden behind his back, while the other was extended in the direction of the bathroom. In a different context—where you weren't practically a prisoner and he wasn't your borderline kidnapper—it might have looked quite chivalrous. If only...

Without sparing him a glance, you strode past, only catching a glimpse of his movement from the corner of your eye. He seemed like he was about to say something when you swiftly shut the door in his face. To be honest, it was more about the imminent explosion in your bladder rather than genuine irritation. Both reasons were valid, but one was simply more... urgent.

Once done with your business, you went to wash your hands. In the mirror, you caught a glimpse of your own reflection staring back at you. You looked pale, with dark rings shadowing your eyes. Your nose appeared red and puffy—too much crying, not enough sleep, you thought to yourself. You attempted to tame some of your unruly locks as you glanced at your disheveled appearance.

"Screw it," you muttered.

You pulled your shirt over your head and discarded it along with your pants and underwear. Consequences be damned, you were having that shower even if it was the last thing you did! With determined steps, you entered the walk-in shower, casting a quick look around. Goosebumps prickled on your skin as you stood there, awkwardly trying to figure out how the contraption worked.

The sound of a tap at the door made you jump, causing you to quickly cover yourself instinctively, just in case the door might open. Though, of course, that wasn't a concern since you had already locked it.

‘’Do you… need help?’’

‘’I’m capable of using a bathroom, thank you.’’ It was the first time you had spoken to him in days and it came out just as venomous as you intended.

‘’The shower; it’s maybe different from what you’re used to. If you let me in, I can show you how it works’’

He sounded like he was trying to sound as calm and soothing as possible – the way you'd talk to a scared animal, letting it know you're not a threat. The image of him coaxing a timid, cornered critter came to mind, making you frown.

‘’I don’t want your help.’’

‘’I…’’ you could hear him sight on the other side of the door.

He mumbled something that you couldn't quite catch, and then suddenly Lyla appeared in the bathroom. She was away from you, floating in front of the mirror, engrossed in checking herself out. Regardless, you covered yourself, wearing a deep scowl on your face.

She leaned forward, pushing her heart-shaped glasses up to adjust her lashes, and then let them settle back against her nose.

[You gotta press the button, hold it in and turn the dial at the same time. Don’t turn it too much towards the red or you’ll burn yourself.]

You opened your mouth to tell her off but decided to just let it go, allowing yourself to relish the sensation of the water cascading down on you, the temperature just perfect. As you turned toward the mirror, your eyes squinted to shield against the water, only to realize that Lyla had vanished just as swiftly as she'd materialized.

Whatever.

You thought to yourself, closing your eyes and relishing how the water effortlessly washed away everything – the dirt, the grime, the fatigue. It all seemed to dissolve, vanishing down the drain. Using both hands, you ran your fingers through your hair, appreciating how the water flowed down your head and back. Shifting to the side, you reached for the nearest bottle within reach, bringing it up to your face to read the label. "Men's Care 3 in 1," you muttered, rolling your eyes. It was such a cliché.

After the much-needed shower, you stepped out, snatching a nearby towel and draping it around yourself. As you pondered, your gaze wandered around, and it hit you that this might be the first time you had ever been in a guy's apartment—well, maybe not the absolute first time. There was...

Shaking your head, you pushed away the memory and the accompanying ache. That wasn't what you wanted to dwell on. Instead, you strolled over to the mirror, a bit surprised it hadn't fogged up. But hey, maybe that was some sort of futuristic technology. Your attention shifted to one of the cabinets next to it, where a small pink bow was tied around the handle.

Curiosity getting the better of you, you swung open the cabinet and peered inside, only to find yourself gaping in astonishment. It was filled with... well, everything you could imagine needing, and then some. A hairbrush, a comb, an array of hairpins, both thick and thin hairbands, a still-packaged hairdryer that looked newly bought, creams, a toothbrush, floss, shampoo, conditioner, razors, toothpaste, a face mask, pads for day and night, and, quite surprisingly, a Ziploc bag containing... tampons?!

You grabbed the Ziploc bag and inspected it, your confusion evident. Holding it up, you almost seemed to hope that the bathroom light could somehow shed light on this mystery. Then, out of nowhere, a loud snort burst from you. Quickly, you clapped a hand over your mouth, trying to stifle the laughter. The mental picture of Miguel dashing into a random 7/11, swiping some tampons, and dashing out had invaded your thoughts. And there you stood, one hand clutching the bag, the other muffling your mouth, struggling to contain your laughter. The more you urged yourself to stop, the harder it became to control.

Oh god... laughter was such a relief. It engulfed you, a fleeting respite that lasted for only about five seconds before the guilt and pain resurfaced.

[Ooh, you found the stash!]

You scoffed, shaking your head in sheer disbelief. "The stash? The illicit tampon collection? Yeah, I found it, alright."

[Nice, I didn’t realize your dimension had banned them too]

Lyla said, hovering in front of you with her hands resting behind her head and her legs casually stretched out in front of her. It was as if she was lounging in a hammock, utterly at ease.

‘’Wait… you’re kidding right? These are actually illegal?!’’

[Yuuuup! We had a governor a few years back who ran this whole campaign about cutting down pollution. But you know what's funny? There were no changes to industrial emissions, plastic waste in the oceans, or those illegal chemical dumps. Yet somehow, they were all over female hygiene products. Go figure,] she explained with a roll of her eyes.

"Some things just never change, I guess," you scoffed, glancing at the bag and the assortment of tampons within it.

[Guess not. But you know what? That right there? That's like first-grade black market stuff! It's not something you just stumble upon easily,] Lyla quipped, a blend of amusement and disbelief in her tone.

Shaking your head, a small smile tugged at your lips. It was the sheer absurdity of it all that brought that smile, nothing else.

[You've got some fresh clothes in that cabinet over there. I was gonna go all out with the color selection, but SOMEONE vetoed that idea. So... enjoy the gray,] Lyla teased, a hint of playful irritation in her voice.

As you opened the cabinet, you extracted a set of gray sweatpants and a matching top. You motioned for her to give you some privacy to change, and she obligingly backed off.

As you stepped out of the bathroom, you watched Miguel sitting at the kitchen counter, hunched over and looking comically big for the small stool he sat on.

It felt far too soon to let go of the bitterness that still clung to you, thanks to, well... everything. What were you expected to do? Force a smile and offer gratitude for some "welcome to your new home" gesture? Act as though you were in a quaint Airbnb instead of trapped in a futuristic realm, compelled to leave behind everyone you cherished, with the added torment of being forbidden from ever reuniting with them – a decision that could potentially unravel not just their lives, but the very fabric of an entire dimension?!

Sigh…

Sauntering over to Lyla, you crossed your arms nonchalantly over your chest and leaned against the fridge. Miguel scooped another spoonful of cereal into his mouth, engrossed in calibrating something on his bracelet. He was so absorbed in whatever task he was focused on that he failed to notice the way your eyes were fixed on the bowl before him.

Noticing your gaze fixed on him, tracking the spoon's journey from the bowl to his mouth, he let out a sigh. Setting the spoon down into the bowl, he met your eyes, prompting you to look away.

"Want some?" he asked, breaking the silence.

"No," you retort, practically turning your nose up at him in a show of defiance.

He rolls his eyes, shoving the bowl aside and getting to his feet. Without uttering a word, he leaves. He doesn't even spare you a glance as he strides out of the apartment, the doors sealing shut behind him.

You stand there, gazing into space in silence, holding your breath.

[Annnnnd he’s gone.]

With a sudden burst of energy, you lunge forward, snatching the bowl and hastily scraping up the remaining bits of cereal into your mouth. You chew with gusto, enjoying the sensation of finally eating something. However, a pang of discomfort in your stomach serves as a reminder that you can't keep up this kind of behavior.

Lifting the bowl to your lips, you tilt it back, savoring the chocolate-flavored milk pooled at the bottom. You don't mind the liquid that drips down your chin; in this moment, you're just enjoying the sensation of nourishment.

[Wow.]

"What?!" you hiss, hastily wiping your chin with the back of your hand.

[Really? You have to ask?]

You roll your eyes, taking the bowl with you and dropping it into the sink, not caring what becomes of it.

The room settles into silence as you move over to the couch, sinking into it and pointing at the TV expectantly. It springs to life as Lyla appears beside you, now taking on a larger, almost human-like form as she sits down next to you. Her judgmental side-eye feels like it could sear through you as you attempt to focus on the rerun of some futuristic sitcom.

"Oh my god! What?!" you exclaim.

[Nothing...]

Lyla continues to file her nails, her glasses sliding slightly down her nose as she shoots you a BOMBASTIC side-eye.

"What?" you press.

[It's just not your best look.]

"What, eating?!"

[Sloppily downing his leftovers like a starved dog, all because you're too stubborn to simply talk to him.]

"Oh my god..." you groan, your head falling back. "Spare me the lecture, would you? I'm not in the mood."

[Riiight, because you're such a joy to talk to normally.]

You hurl a pillow at her in frustration, though she easily flickers to another spot on the couch, inspecting her nails unfazed.

"You don’t get to judge me; you don’t know what it’s like-"

[I’m not saying this because I am judging you, y/n. I’m not on his side either. I’m saying this because I worry about you. You can’t keep living like this.]

You frowned, hugging the pillow you had attempted to smack her with closer as if seeking some comfort.

---

Another day slipped by, and you had spent it sleeping on the couch, much to your back's dismay. As you awoke, it was evident that Miguel hadn't returned the previous night. His bedroom door remained ajar, and there was no trace of any dishes either. Lyla materialized in front of you, her glasses concealing a judgmental expression. You found yourself in the kitchen, awkwardly scratching your upper arm, trying to figure out what to do next.

Lyla materialized beside you, casually leaning against the wall adjacent to the fridge. She was engrossed in typing something into her holographic phone, briefly looking up at you and then at the fridge, before refocusing on her phone. Why did she even need a phone?

After a sigh of resignation, you opened the fridge, only to be met with disappointment as its emptiness stared back at you. A carton of milk, some orange juice, a dozen chocolate bars, and a single pear.

"Really? He's got that physique, and his diet is chocolate bars and milk," you muttered in disbelief.

Sighing, you reached for one of the chocolate bars and closed the fridge door. But as you turned around, you froze like a deer caught in headlights. Miguel was standing by the front doors, silently observing you. His gaze moved from your head to your toes, his eyebrows knitting together. After a moment, he stretched his arms above his head before heading into the bathroom and closing the door behind him.

You and Lyla exchanged a knowing glance, and then she materialized on the couch, patting the seat next to her. As you sat down, you unwrapped the chocolate bar and took a bite, relishing the delightful combination of milky chocolate and hints of brownies. Clearly, the man had a sweet tooth.

After a few minutes of watching an episode of a sitcom centered around a group of friends sharing a living space, the bathroom door swung open. Miguel emerged, dressed in regular clothes for once – well, what passed for "normal" in this time period, you assumed. He yawned and ran his fingers through his damp hair, his gaze tiredly sweeping over to you.

You forced yourself to look ahead, avoiding his gaze as his footsteps retreated into his bedroom, the door closing behind him

Lyla shot you a mischievous smirk but remained silent.

You and Lyla spent the rest of the day quietly laughing along with the show, which seemed to keep going on and on. It had that "Friends" vibe, strangely not feeling too outdated. The bedroom door swung open, but you were too engrossed in the comedic scene unfolding on the screen to notice. A guy was hilariously fumbling with a chicken while attempting to shake someone's hand.

Your head turned as something caught your attention from the corner of your eye, a lingering smile on your face. It was Miguel, stepping toward the couch, as if he planned to take a seat. You went rigid, quickly snatching up a pillow as a sort of shield. The smile vanished from your face, and you pulled your knees up, feeling a sudden need to create some distance.

He halted, his gaze fixing on you briefly before he shifted his attention toward the kitchen. Taking a seat at the counter. The enjoyment and lightheartedness that had filled the air earlier now seemed to have dissipated entirely. In their place were a mixture of anxiety and discomfort. On some level, you were relieved he hadn't chosen to sit beside you. Yet, as you observed him perched there, occasionally glancing over at the TV, a pang of guilt tugged at you.

Over the course of about half an hour, you found yourself repeatedly sneaking glances at him. He remained engrossed in the show, his head propped up by his hand, wearing the same stoic expression. Nibbling on your bottom lip, your gaze shifted from stolen glances to unabashedly staring at him.

It’s not his fault.

I know.

He didn’t have much of a choice.

He took away my right to make a choice.

He saved your life.

By taking everything that made my life worth living.

You sighed deeply, dropping your gaze to the floor.

Say something.

Raising your eyes, you observed him—the flawless way his dark brown hair swept back, his high cheekbones highlighting his sun-kissed skin, the gentle curve of his nose, the way his thick eyebrows furrowed, etching deep lines onto his forehead, the fullness of his lips. It was uncanny how much he resembled him...

You had to avert your gaze, your cheeks flushed and a bittersweet ache forming in the pit of your stomach. That night, you found yourself crying yourself to sleep once more, clutching a pillow against your chest in an attempt to stifle the sound as best as you could. Unbeknownst to you, a shadow lingered in the doorway, quietly observing your heartache.

---

The following day greeted you with an unexpected sense of restfulness. As you sat up, a blanket that had been draped over you slid down your chest and pooled in your lap. It was odd – you didn't recall having it when you fell asleep.

Lyla materialized right in front of your face, causing you to flinch and then emit a groan. "Lyla, please... you're too energetic for this early in the morning."

[Pfft, it's three PM!]

"What?!" You glanced at the TV's time display, confirming that you had indeed slept in quite a bit.

Stretching, you got up and absentmindedly scratched your stomach as you strolled over to the fridge. Nothing like an overly sweet chocolate bar to kick off your day – or rather, your afternoon.

Swinging open the fridge door, you did a double take. Right there on a shelf above the chocolate bars sat a plate of quesadillas. Lyla floated next to you, her eyes widening.

[No way he made you food!]

Normally, you might have brushed it off, but this was different. This wasn't just some buttered toast. This was homemade Mexican ham and cheese quesadillas. You grabbed the plate from the fridge, using your foot to nonchalantly shut the door. With absentminded precision, you peeled off the protective wrapping and popped the plate into the microwave for about a minute and a half.

Holy. Fucking. Shit.

The cheese strings clinging to the bread were enough to set your mouth watering. You took a bite, and the combination of the pan-fried tortilla, melted cheese, and perfectly sliced ham was so satisfying that you let out an involuntary moan. Holding some of the cheese strings aloft, you slowly guided them into your mouth. Pairing the quesadilla with a glass of orange juice hit the spot so well that you reclined against the couch, rubbing your satisfied stomach.

"Holy shit, that hit the spot," you remarked aloud.

[Yeah? Maybe you should let him know that.]

You shot her a glare, which seemed to have little effect. She simply shrugged, flitting around the room before settling down next to you, joining in on the TV watching.

---

That night, you settled onto the couch just like the previous few nights, but there was a difference in the air. This time, you weren't just idly watching TV or killing time – you were waiting. Waiting for him.

Your gaze constantly flickered between the screen and the door. Every time you thought you heard a sound or caught a movement in your peripheral vision, your body would tense, and you held your breath in anticipation, only to let it out with a sigh of disappointment as the adrenaline gradually ebbed away.

Lyla had been bugging you about it, complaining whenever you didn't join in on her laughter at one of the jokes cracked by your favorite characters on the show. She incessantly flickered in front of your face, assuming new poses each time she reappeared – hands on her hips, exaggerated gestures, and all. You swatted your hand in front of you, as though trying to shoo away an irritating fly.

[What's going on with you?!]

"Nothing! Just stop!" you exclaimed.

[Are you not enjoying the show?]

"I am! I'm just..." you sighed, swatting at her as she popped up once more, "...can you please quit it?"

[Tell me! Come oooon~]

With a slight frown, you turned towards her, both of you locking eyes in a moment of mutual annoyance. You opened your mouth, ready to let her have it, when the sound of footsteps reached your ears. Both of you instinctively turned your heads towards the door, then glanced back at each other, panic subtly etched across your expressions.

Lyla resized herself to her normal form, hovering over your shoulder as you quickly sat up straight. You casually grabbed a pillow, doing your best to appear nonchalant, all the while ignoring the way Lyla's stifled laughter tickled your ear.

The two doors slid apart, and Miguel entered, tilting his head from side to side, seemingly trying to alleviate some tension in his neck. His movement halted when he spotted you sitting there, your gaze firmly locked on him with a sense of intense concentration, your eyebrows furrowed. He glanced at Lyla, his eyebrow slightly raised, only to find her giving him the same scrutinizing look. Both of you remained quietly fixated on him, as if you were deeply studying the man before you.

‘’There a problem?’’

Both of you shook your head at the same time, blinking in unison as you continued staring at him.

"Right... well, I'm gonna... shower," he said cautiously, his eyes narrowing.

He stared at the two of you for another moment before finally entering the bathroom, his gaze alternating between the two of you once more before he slowly closed the door.

You exhaled, sinking back against the couch.

[That was intense,] Lyla remarked.

"Yeah..." you agreed.

[Say... Why—why was it intense?]

"I... I'm gonna talk to him."

Lyla gasped dramatically, clutching a virtual hand to her chest, which elicited an eye roll from you. Despite that, a faint smile tugged at your lips.

After a few minutes, the bathroom door swung open, and Miguel emerged, clad in a pair of loose grey pants and a long-sleeved white shirt. A towel was draped over his shoulders as he methodically dried his hair while heading over to the fridge. He retrieved a bottle of sparkling water, one of the many new items that had found their way into the well-stocked refrigerator.

You observed him as he walked by, a sense of urgency building within you. It was now or never, you realized, trying to muster the courage to say something, anything.

‘’Can we talk?’’

You didn't look up; the sound of his bare feet coming to a halt was enough to make your breath catch. Taking a deep breath to steady yourself, you finally glanced up just in time to witness him turning around to meet your gaze, a surprised expression crossing his features.

He dropped down onto the other end of the couch, running the towel through his hair. You observed him, noticing a rare softness in his expression—there was a sense of calm and gentleness that was quite unlike his usual seriousness or irritation.

Your gazes locked, but your confidence seemed to evaporate, leaving you speechless. Words formed in your mind, yet they remained trapped, suffocated by a surge of memories—of Miguel, your aunt and uncle, your friends; recollections of being torn from your world, flung in to a portal, and marooned on a couch in the confines of a stranger's apartment. You were imprisoned in an unsettling blend of familiarity and strangeness, a puzzle that spanned the wrong world, the wrong time, the wrong dimension.

Fuck. This wasn’t going to work.

‘’Did you eat the Sincronizadas?’’

You nodded.

He nodded back.

‘’Did you enjoy them?’’

You nodded.

He returned the nod.

‘’Maybe… I could make some more, sometime.’’

You nodded.

He nodded back in acknowledgment.

After a few minutes, he clapped his hands against his thighs, using the motion to rise from the couch. He offered you a slow and awkward nod before turning and making his way toward his bedroom.

"I haven't forgiven you," the words slipped from your lips.

He paused in his tracks, looking back over his shoulder at you.

"I know," he replied simply.

As the door clicked shut behind him, you sank back against the couch, hugging the pillow to your chest.

[deejadabbles]

Okay IDK what happened with my inbox, but I know someone sent this song to me for the song fic game, even if the ask isn't there anymore (i saved it to my drafts while my wifi was wonky so maybe it's in the tumblr aether somewhere?). Anywho, hopefully you see this, whoever you are <3

For this song, I'm going to write Jesse for the first time, and because I have the unexplainable urge to step on this man, you're all getting a slightly dominant reader this time around lol

Warnings for: highly suggestive themes (minors don't look!), drinking, and the sexy shenanigans we expect at 79s

Jesse was not a man easily taken by surprise. It just came with the territory, he couldn't afford to let anything captivate or shock him on the battlefield.

But when you walked in to 79s?

Oh, Jesse knew he would do anything he could to get close to you, or damn if he wouldn't die trying.

You walked in with some friends, but something about you stood out like gold in a sea of silver. He was vaguely aware of Fives nudging him, saying something about your group matching their numbers perfectly, but Jesse was too busy gawking like some shinny.

When you moved by him to get to the bar he swore you locked eyes with him for just a moment. And that was all the confidence boost he needed.

After flashing his brother a knowing look, Jesse sauntered up to the bar, making sure to fill as much space near you as possible- hey, he didn't get arms like pythons and thighs like tree trunks for nothing, after all.

"So, you and your friends want some handsome troopers to buy your drinks?"

He saw the way your brows quirked up, before your eyes or head turned in his direction. Then, those eyes that were starting to remind him of a tiger looked him up and and down.

"Sure, we'll let you boys buy our drinks."

Kriffing hell, that voice! Obviously you were someone who made sure every inch of you, every side, was as captivating as the last. Again, Jesse only vaguely took notice to the fact that Fives, Tup, and Kix were paring off with your friends. Right now, all his senses were taken up with you.

"So," he began, just as the bartender handed you a drink, "what's your name, gorgeous?"

You huffed a laugh, took a sip, then said, "Wouldn't you like to know."

And just like that, you turned on your perfect heels, and walked away from him.

To his credit, Jesse only needed a second to recover, something stirring low in his belly. It wasn't just the arousal he felt anytime he spotted someone he wanted to take home, this was similar but...new. A different kind of arousal, a brand of it that he wasn't used to feeling.

Jesse didn't waste a beat, he followed, gave chase as you swayed onto the dance floor.

"If you wanted to dance before your drink, you could have just said so," he called over the music and putting on his most charming smile. The one that got him comm numbers and little lacy souvenirs to tuck in his pocket.

But all you did was look over your shoulder at him, taking another drink before your hips started swaying. When he didn't back down, you sashayed your body to face him, a look somewhere between disinterest and mild amusement on your face.

"Listen, trooper, I don't want to waste my time, so I'll warn you now: I'm a hard woman to please, so either walk away, or prove you're worth my attention."

That sensation in his belly was flaring, and he felt his grin widen. Making sure he gave you time to pull away if you wanted, Jesse reached out, and gripped your hip. Not breaking his gaze from yours, he drew you in just a little closer. Enough to tease, enough to leave you wanting more.

"Oh, baby, I can do that."

He didn't even know how much time passed that night. Somewhere between the dancing and the drinks, he managed to prove himself enough to tug you into a hallway lit only by a neon sign. He was pulling out all the stops, using every skill his mouth and hands had learned to make you his.

But it still wasn't quite enough.

You hadn't moaned and whimpered like the others, you weren't begging him for more and writhing in his touch like it was heaven incarnate.

And that just spurred him on all the more.

"Tell me what you want," he whispered in your ear, breath hot, armor so painfully tight he might just be willing to beg you for any scrap of guidance on how to make you his.

You lifted your leg, opening up for him, inviting, "I'm sure a smart man like you can think of something," you purred, "Or is that mouth of yours just good at talking?"

Jesse felt all his bravado fall away in an instant. He didn't waste any time in sinking to his knees for you.

taglist: @blueink-bluesoul @anxiouspineapple99 @starrylothcat @sinfulsalutations @commander-sunshine @dystopicjumpsuit @wolffegirlsunite @sunshinesdaydream @arcsimper5

[psychelis-new]

Hi lys. 9, 10, 13, 14, 22, 23, 24.

Have a nice day/evening/night.

hey, thanks for sending! hope you have a wonderful day/night :)

9. What's your all time favourite movie/tv show? Honestly Idk... it's either I can't choose or I cannot remember titles now. A fav movie of mine anyway could probably be a Disney animation (very likely) like The Sword in the Stone or something like that. There are many movies I like but I cannot really choose not mention them atm sorry... oh wait Minamata. I mentioned it not long ago because I was thinking about photography so yeah. That one too was good.

10. What are you enjoying to do in your free time? These days I enjoy napping/sleeping, I'm really tired tbh. But in general I work out or draw/paint (even if lately I'm not doing the last 2 almost at all)

13. Your dream place to visit? I have a bunch of particular places I'd like to visit like Iceland (for the nature and hopefully the Northern Lights), Easter Island, Salar de Uyuni, that place in Denmark (Grenen/Skagen) where the Baltic meets the North Seas but not mix, Jindo Island, Mont Saint Michel... but ofc I'd be okay with just visiting other cities/countries.

14. Something you wish you were better at? Everything? I'm never satisfied about what I do but I'm working on that. I'm trying to be more accepting of what I do, because I always do my best even if the result is not exactly like I would want it to be (our minds just cannot consider our "humanity" at times, so we should start teaching them about it ig).

22. Best memory you could think of? I think I have already mentioned it but anyway, it's about my dog. We were in a park, he was playing with other dogs when I got thirsty so I went to a little fountain to drink. It was like a few meters away from my father (I was a kid). I didn't make 2 steps away from him that I found my dog right by my side looking up at me. So I looked back and then kept on moving towards the fountain. Once there, there were 2 cyclists that wanted to drink so I stopped moving to let them drink, but my dog (a german shepherd) started barking until they had to take their bikes and move away. At that point my dog looked at me like "didn't you want to drink?" and so I went to drink, he drank right after me, then walked me close enough to my dad and ran back to the other dogs. My dad was laughing so hard, so as the other dogs' owners. To me it was like nothing special? Idk. Oh the cyclists could go back to drink then. I want to add my dog wasn't trained, nobody could have ever succeeded in that lol (I could only teach him a few tricks but related to playing together, never orders like sit or lay... he did that only when he wanted to, otherwise he would have given you a face like "why?" and I mean he was right). He was just him, a stubborn free spirit. But he was a fast learner and a very good thinker/empath, so he just usually came up himself with such (often protective) behaviours.

23. Worst memory you can think of? I have a bunch, and they're all about (TW) losses. For example ofc my dog and grannies. Not gonna go in detail ofc, I also don't wanna trigger any of you. (/TW) A year and a half/2 years ago as well it was kinda a long bad period. But bad moments and losses are part of life, we take what's best and go on, right? :)

24. Do you have any fears? Sure, I'm plenty. As humans, we all have fears and there's nothing wrong in having them. It all depends on how we deal with them. If we let them win us over and control us, or if we try to at least have a talk with them and check if there's anything right or reasonable in what they're pointing out to us. If we're able to take ourselves by the hand and try to go on or do what we really want to despite the fear. And... especially when I'm stressed I don't like (TW)using knives or scissors or needles or anything that could potentially cut/harm me (it's ocd ig).(/TW) I also suffer a bit from vertigos but mostly there are things that make me pretty uncomfortable.

[lilred8220]

Well, yet another fic no one asked for😃

I wanted to write this because some time go, I was watching the fireworks when this song started to play↓↓↓

And I just thought how romantic it would be if I wasn't forever alone 🙃 so, I build a story around that. I hope you enjoy it!

P.s. This is a F!MC

--

I had been so excited for this day! In the human realm, my hometown this time of year had a huge festival ending with a huge firework show. I had asked to go a week in advance but due to being in the Devildom for the exchange program, I couldn't go. It definitely was a disappointment. However Diavolo, seeing me upset and now curious about the tradition, asked all about it and he thought it sounded fun. Thanks to him always wanting to do anything new, he immediately decided to do the same here in the Devildom.

So through the long week, he asked about everything we would do at the event to make it much more fun and quickly get everything ready to make this last second festival. It somehow all came together and it feels almost exactly like the festival from the human realm. The food, sweets and all! Now it was the time to enjoy the festival!

The brothers couldn't understand why I was so excited for this. Though we all went to festivals and saw fireworks, It was just something that I would always look forward to this time of the year and it's just more special this time around. It kinda feels as if I'm sharing something that I love with everyone I care about in a place where I like to call my new home. Hopefully they'll come to enjoy this as much as I do.

"So, this is called an Elephant ear?“ Beel asked, drooling at the large fried sweet in front of him.

I laugh, as I grab a piece before he can scarf the treat whole, "Yeah, it's just fried dough with powdered sugar on it. They usually sell these at any carnival or festival." I pop the elephant ear in my mouth, savoring the amazing taste.

The brothers each had something to eat as we took a break from all the festival games littered around. We all take two picnic benches for the 8 of us, well, us and Beel's giant pile of food he got. Everyone had won something from the games…well everyone but me and Mammon. Mammon was determined to win a game, yet his luck seemed to be the worse for wear today and all the games we'd gone to all ended up with one of the other brothers winning the game. My luck honestly wasn't any better due to playing the same games that the others had won.

"I'm telling ya! Those games are rigged! The people runnin 'em are just a bunch of con artists!“ Mammon yells, clearly frustrated that he hasn't gotten anything.

"Or maybe you just suck lol" Levi says, holding a Ruri-chan plush to his chest.

"Honestly, you really shouldn't be surprised, you were pretty terrible at all those games since you had no choice but to play fair." Satan adds on, which all the brothers nod in agreement.

Asmo laughs, "Well, what do you expect from a scumbag?"

I start to get annoyed as the brothers all start to bash on Mammon. He seems fine on the surface but I've been around him long enough, with him basically living in my room and all, to see all his little ticks. Like when he's excited, his hand gestures are more dramatic, to emphasize his point or how his eyes light up when something catches his attention, like something to make a quick buck. However, right now, with the way his mouth slightly twitches and his hand shoved into his pockets, he's upset. He really only does this when the brothers throw insult after insult at him, like right now.

I sigh as they continue their assault on him. But an idea comes to mind and it'll be easy enough to pull off.

"Does...that all that stuff apply to me too? Since I didn't win anything either, after all..." I say, putting on my best pouting face and looking down at the ground.

Immediately, the brothers started to panic, trying to reassure me that it wasn't true, successfully drawing their attention away from Mammon. I slightly looked up, passed the frantic brothers to lock eyes with Mammon. He stood there for a moment, a bit confused by my sudden comment. I flash him a quick smirk before looking up at the brothers, accepting their apologies. The brothers seemed to relax and drop the topic after that, returning to the food they have. Mammon, who had seemingly understood what my intentions really were, looked at me, with his face slightly flushed, then stared down at his food.

In Mammon's mind, he honestly doesn't know what force sent Y/N here but, she is honestly the best thing that has ever happened to him. At first, he hated the idea of being her guardian due to all of the extra work he was given. But, as days turned to weeks, her treatment towards him was nothing but sweet and loving. It honestly was a huge adjustment for him, since everyone treated him like scum or useless, having her place so much faith in him, even defending him and doing little gestures like this, it makes his head spin. He honestly couldn't pinpoint when it happened, but, his feelings for her drastically changed, he couldn't deny it now, how he longed for her, wanted her all to himself. How he loved her unconditionally.

I smile, quickly finish eating my food then stand up, "Ok! Time to get back to the games!“ I say, excitedly.

"Y/N, I'm glad you are excited but some of us still need to eat." Lucifer says, glancing at Beel and his mountain of food.

"Awww, come on Lucifer, I wanna try to win something before the fireworks start." I plop down again, putting my chin in my hands.

"Well, I'm sure we'll have plenty of time." Lucifer tries to cheer me up, eating some fries.

Mammon looks up at Y/N, upon seeing her upset. He honestly hated seeing Y/N upset, even if for something so small as to wait for everyone to finish eating. He wanted nothing more than to see her smile everyday, it honestly was one of his favorite parts of the day to see her smile so sweetly. He'll do anything to make her happy. He sits up and scarfs down his food before standing up. "Ok, how 'bout this,' ' Mammon gets up and walks over to me, ' ' since I haven't won anythin', I'm gonna go play some more games and I'll meet ya guys later. Y/N, ya can come if ya want to." Mammon starts to walk away, at a slower pace than he usually would.

"Yeah! Ok!" Before any of the other brothers could protest, I quickly got up and hurried over to Mammon. I can hear the brothers stumbling to get up to follow us.

"Hey! Mammon is stealing Y/N!"

"That's not fair!“

"That scumbag..."

I hear some of the things they're saying as they seem to be trying to catch up.

I grab Mammon's hand and start to make a run for it. "Come on!" I glanced back at Mammon, who seemed shocked. He looks back to see the brothers in hot pursuit of us. Getting the hint, Mammon picks up the pace. We high tail it out of there, laughing like a bunch of kids all the while.

--

Me and Mammon finally stop and I flop on the floor, trying to catch my breath as Mammon puts his hands on his knees.

"I…I think we lost 'em" Mammon pants, out of breath from running around.

"I…I think so…jeez, how…how do you always do this when you get in trouble?“ I wheeze out, my human body not used to running as much as a demon. Especially if that demon is Mammon.

Mammon straightens up, finally catching his breath, "Well, I'm not usually running from ALL of my brothers, just Lucifer mostly."

Mammon reaches his hand to me and after a moment, I let him help me up. He helps me to my feet and when I look up, his face is very close to mine. We stare at each other for a moment before both of our faces turn more flushed than we already were.

His bright blue eyes that have a hint of that golden yellow has me in a trance. When I first met Mammon, it was the first thing that drew my attention, it's honestly something that I always find myself staring at all of the time. They are very beautiful to me and never fail to make me feel relaxed when I see them. But not only that, he is a very handsome man. His rich caramel skin with his pure white hair makes his face stand out even more. He is just so captivating to look at, however his personality is what truly makes him shine. Even if he tries, and fails, to hide his true feelings, he always has his heart on his sleeve, rather if he realizes that or not. He tries so hard to help me or to even make my day brighter when I'm not feeling my best. He even tries to protect his brothers and is always there for them. He honestly is the most caring person I've ever met and I can't help but fall for him because of that.

Mammon looked down at her face, he honestly couldn't help but stare. In his mind, she was more beautiful than anyone he's ever seen. Her beauty not only stopped at her looks but the person she was. She was a true wonder to him, too good to be true yet, here she was, defying all logic. All he wanted to do was look at every detail of her face, her eyes as they shine, her soft skin as the blush covers her face, her parted lips as her breath finally slows down. Mammon was the first to turn away, catching himself now staring at nothing but her lips.

He clears his throat. "W-Well since we're here, let's get to some games!" Mammon says, his fangs flash with his grin.

We made our way to the nearest game booth, both of us looking at the various prizes. The booth in question is a simple ring toss, the bottles are organized by colors which show what size prize you can get. There are the ridiculously large stuffed bears that are taller than me to the very small animal plushies. Scanning all the prizes, one catches my attention, a black plush crow with a yellow tag on it. It was big enough to hold in your arms, it's wings dangled at its sides. It had its beak opened slightly to look like a smile. I glance over at Mammon, who is currently eyeing a plushie of a grimm, that also has a yellow tag hanging off of it. I laugh, thinking of how that plush crow reminded me of him.

Mammon looks at me, slightly confused, "What are ya laughing at?"

"Oh nothing, though I know what prize I want." I smile, looking back at the crow plush.

Mammon follows my eyes over to the plush, he tilts his head at my choice, "Ya sure that's what ya want? There are plenty of things better than that ol' crow."

I nod enthusiastically, "Yeah, I think it's cute, like someone else I know." I playfully push him.

His ears turn a dark red but he laughs, "Well, I know what I want so, let's go and win some prizes!“

We pay the demon running the game and start trying to make the rings reach its mark. However, as in most carnaval games, the rings in question are only slightly bigger than the top of the bottles, making it much harder to win. Not to mention the bottles for the better prizes are further back, making it much harder. As we try a couple times, we don't get much luck and we're running out of grimms to play. However as we reach our last game, even though I end up with nothing, Mammon manages to sink a ring on a yellow bottle.

"We have a winner!“ the demon behind the booth says, walking over to grab the ring.

"Yeah! This was nothin' for the Great Mammon!" Mammon threw his hands in the air, and I cheered with him, "You did it! You won!“

The demon walks back over to us, "Alrighty, you can pick a prize with a yellow tag. Which will it be?"

Mammon's eyes flick to the plush he was eyeing earlier and he goes to speak, but an announcement rings through the speakers all around the festival, "The firework show will be starting in 15 minutes, marking the end of the festival! So hurry and grab a seat to enjoy the show!“ a cheery voice says before the music from before starts to play again. Mammon looks down at me for a moment before a small smile appears on his face.

Mammon looks at the demon and points at the plush crow, "I'll take that one."

I look up at Mammon, "But, I thought you wanted-“ I get cut off by the demon swift return, "Here you go." The demon hands him the crow plush.

Mammon takes the plush from the demon with his usual bright smile and starts walking off, I quickly follow, still confused. Once I catch up, he looks at me with a blush on his face and holds out the crow to me.

"W-well, there wasn't really anythin' I wanted, so I figured I'd get this ol' crow since ya seemed to want it so bad." He says with his usual bravado, yet it was a bit more shy than normal.

"But, you said…" I start to say as I take the plush but, cut my thought short.

Even though I know he wanted something, that much he's been saying all day, he still got me this crow plush. Knowing how he struggles to do these things and becoming a stuttering mess when it's pointed out, I choose to not question him. Yet, I can't help but love him even more, him knowing that I wanted something as well and that he'll be going back home later with nothing. I'll have to repay him later but for now, I'll just enjoy the rest of the festival with him.

I shake my head and give him a smile, one that shows how much I truly appreciate and love him, "Thank you so much, Mammon." I hold the crow close to myself.

Mammon feels all the air in his lungs escape him. Y/N's smile, the sparkle of joy and something more…intimate in her eyes. Honestly, for a split second, he found himself jealous of that crow, seeing Y/N holding it so lovingly. He wanted, no, needed to show her how much he loves her. If not tonight, it'll drive him insane.

--

After looking a bit, me and Mammon found a perfect spot to watch the fireworks. We sat on a hill that was a bit further away from the festival and luckily, we could still hear the music playing from one of the speakers nearby. We sat in a comfortable silence, waiting for the fireworks to begin. Which based on the amount of time it took to find this isolated spot, it should start at any moment.

Mammon is resting his arms on his knees as I sit with my legs crossed, the plush crow close to my chest. I watch all the demons in the distance hurrying to find a spot to watch the show as well. Thankfully, none of them seem to look in this direction. So right now, it's just us, alone.

After a few moments, Mammon looks over at me and shyly starts to speak, "H-hey, Y/N?"

I look back at Mammon, noticing his face slowly forming a blush, "Yes?"

"I…I wanted to tell ya-" Mammon gets cut off by the first firework going off.

We slightly jump, but my eyes widen as the firework show starts, "It's starting!"

I watch as the firework starts to make the usual dark Devildom sky shine bright with many different colors. All the while, a familiar song starts to play on the speakers, making this a moment that I want to treasure always. It was a song from the human realm and it was a song that made this moment feel more intimate. I honestly couldn't ask for a better day, I got to go to the festival with all my favorite people and I even had, dare I say it, a wonderful date with Mammon. The thought of going on a date with Mammon makes my cheeks burn but I truly wish that this day would never end.

Mammon's heart starts to pound in his chest, his gaze never leaving Y/N. He watches as her eyes glow with wonder, watching the fireworks as if it were the first time. She never looked more beautiful, more perfect than right now. If he was ever gonna make his move, it had to be now. Mammon opened his mouth to speak but he couldn't find it in himself to break her trance. However, his greed for her attention, her voice, her touch, for nothing but her, was growing. So, he closes his mouth and takes a deep breath. He leans closer to her as his shaky hand gently touches her cheek to turn her face towards him.

When I suddenly feel a light touch on my face, I snap back to reality. Before I can react, I feel my face being turned and suddenly, Mammon leans in, his eyes close and gently presses his lips on mine, like he's afraid that I'll break. My eyes widen, taking a moment to realize what is happening. Mammon, feeling me not move, starts to move away, most likely worried he did something wrong. But, not wanting to lose the moment, I quickly filled in the space he left, pressing my lips a bit harder than he did. Mammon tenses at my sudden movement but quickly melts into the kiss, holding my face with his hands. I place the plush to the side, momentarily forgotten, I place my hands on his chest for support.

The air stills, the world around us starts to disappear. The only thing to keep us from forgetting the world completely is the sound of fireworks and the song playing so sweetly.

I snake my arms around Mammon's neck, then he takes the chance to pull me in closer by my waist, closing the gap between us. Even though he was nervous at first, he seems to have relaxed, even nips at my bottom lip, causing me to gasp. He swiftly slips his tongue in my mouth, tangling it with mine, deepening the kiss. We held each other close, like we were afraid that the other would vanish.

Needing to breathe, we lean away slightly. I'm not sure when it happened, but I managed to end up on Mammon's lap. Mammon seems to also realize the position we're in and his breath hitches.

His hand comes up and holds my face, "I love ya, Y/N."

My heart flutters and I lean into his touch, "I love you too, Mammon. I…I always have."

"Y/N, I care about ya so much and I…I don't want anyone else trying to steal my most precious treasure from me. The thought of it kills me, because I'm yer first man." Mammon stops, becoming more shy, "I w-want ya to be mine and…I'll be yers…if ya want me."

I feel as though all of the butterflies in my stomach would explode out of me. I can't stop the big smile that appears on my face, "Mammon," I hold his face in my hands, "no one could ever take me away. And not only that but…" I bite my lip, feeling a bit bashful, "You already have me. Now and forever."

If Mammon could, his eyes would have hearts in them. He looked at me with such lovestruck eyes, his face is probably the most peaceful expression I've ever seen. I look back at him in awe, honestly have never seen him so happy, like he's on cloud nine.

A smile is plastered on his face, "I promise that I will be with ya till the end of time. I gotta be the luckiest demon in the whole festival, no, the Devildom. But, I guess I did win something at the festival after all." His smile suddenly turns into a smirk, "What do ya say we go somewhere more private and we can continue…this?"

My face turns red, but I nod. We stand up, I grab my plushie so that we can leave when I suddenly hear someone, or rather, some people, running this way.

"MAMMON!"

We spin around, both of us knowing too well who that voice belongs to. Lucifer and the rest of the brothers are running at full sprint in our direction.

"Oh shit!" Mammon yells out, quickly sweeping me off my feet, making a run for it.

Startled, I grabbed on to Mammon's jacket, making sure to not drop my crow plush, "Ah! M-Mammon!“

He looks down at me, " Well, I might get strung up later, but I'm yer man now. I want ya all to myself and I don't know about ya, but I'm not ready for tonight to end." He flashes his signature smile.

I can't help but laugh, as we make yet another escape from the brothers. This is truly the best day I could have asked for.

[livelivefastfree]

Love your cyborg!Chuck fic!! Wondering about a thing that didn't get addressed much: Julie obviously knew? the whole time? and Chuck, presumably, also knew about her, and obviously they had a mutual secret-keeping pact...but is Mike ever going to wonder what was up with that? Or are we supposed to assume he's figured out, post-finale, that Julie is Kane's daughter? And any chance of a prologue of Kane presenting Chuck to Julie like (I imagine), "Happy birthday, Julie-bear! Have this cyborg"?

This has been in my inbox since I published my first cyborg Chuck fic ever, so like...(*checks the release date on Override 0*) four years, lord.  And the drabble has been sitting in my documents for almost as long lol.  Hopefully this gives some explanation as to how a valuable cyborg full of experimental KaneCo tech ended up slipping out from under Kane’s nose, lol.

--

"I got you something," says her dad, and Julie thinks--oh, another stuffed kitten plush, maybe, or maybe even another level of security clearance if she's lucky--

She's not lucky.

"Dad," she says, with brittle sweetness, because she really really hopes she's misunderstanding this situation.  “What...exactly...is the present?"

Her dad snaps his fingers.  The boy standing behind him jitters, tries to step forward, almost crumples over, stands again.  He's twitching and shivering like he's got some kind of tic, but his eyes are the part that really freak Julie out.  Lit up and flickering from the inside, but weirdly unfocused and too wide.  He's staring into nothing, and he looks like he should be swaying, like he should be unsteady on his feet, but now that he's standing he's just...still.  Barely breathing, hardly blinking.  

"I've seen that you've been doing some programming," her dad starts, and Julie makes a tiny, involuntary noise, trying to hold in a slightly hysterical giggle.  Her dad either doesn't hear or doesn't bother to be concerned.  "--This was a failed experiment from research and development, but if you want to try to learn to code..."

"What do you mean, a 'failed experiment'?" says Julie.  "Is he--  Are you--?"  

The boy doesn't seem to hear her talking to him.  Julie's dad laughs, indulgent.  "A cyborg," he finishes for her.  "A failed one.  He's harmless."  A wry twist of his lips and an edge to his voice--Julie can almost hear "...unfortunately".  "...But his programming is extensive.  Plenty to experiment with.  He should be able to tell you what you're doing as you do it, he was a fairly acceptable technician before he fried his brain."  

He gives the boy's shoulder a shove, and he staggers forward toward her, still staring at nothing.  His lips are moving minutely, Julie can see now--he's murmuring almost silently.  

"Transfer registration holder," says her dad, bored and authoritative, and for the first time the boy shudders and speaks.

"...Define registration holder," he says, in a high, young voice that almost makes Julie jump.  Julie's dad looks at her expectantly.  "Full name and credentials."

"Julie," says Julie numbly.  "Julie...Kapulsky.  Executive intern?"  The old family name is a complete unknown in Deluxe at this point, and it's the one on Julie's citizenship record.  It's the safer option, as strange as it feels to say the name out loud.

"Confirmed registration holder transfer," says the cyborg, "Julie Kapulsky."  And then he goes silent and still again, staring dead-eyed into nothing.  

Julie stands there for a second, and just kind of...internally screams.  Okay.  Okay.  So...this is a cyborg, this is a human guy who looks not much older than Julie, with computer parts shoved in his skull, and her dad is...giving her this boy.  To practice on.  

"He should have enough brain left to take care of himself," her dad is saying, somewhere on the other end of a long tunnel, "If he's more trouble than he's worth, we can find...other uses for him."

On the one hand, if Julie accepts this, she's going to own another human being.  Which is...wow, no.  But on the other hand, if she doesn't, her dad is going to take him back, and find something else to do with him.  And Julie doesn't honestly trust him not to do something awful and unconscionable with this guy, especially considering the way he sneered when he said "harmless".  

He's smiling at her now.  Horribly, Julie realizes he's waiting for Julie to thank him.

"Wow!" she says, and manages an almost convincing smile.  "That's really something, d--  M-mister Kane!"

"You don't have to do that, Julie-bear," says her dad reassuringly, and gives the cyborg another push in her direction.  "Your old man's not bad at coding, himself."  He flashes her that strange, warm smile he does sometimes, so at odds with the words that come out of his mouth, the things he does.  "...Anything he hears about who you are, he'll scrub out of his memory automatically.  As far as he knows, you're just an exceptional intern."

"Thanks dad!" says Julie, with tight, manic brightness.  "Cool!  Really neat!  I'll go and, and practice, now!  Try him out!"  She takes the boy's arm, pulling; he follows her lead, eyes still focused on nowhere and nothing.  "Looks like a ton of fun, thanks!"

"You're welcome, sweetheart," says her dad, and pats her shoulder affectionately.  "I'll see you for dinner tomorrow night.  Don't be late."

"I won't!" says Julie, barely listening now.  "I'll, yeah!  See you!  Thanks dad!  Bye!"

She can't close the door fast enough.  

--

"Can you hear me?"

It takes a second for him to respond; he stirs, blinking, and then his eyes re-focus just a little and he says "...Confirmed."

Geez, that's so weird.  Julie holds his eyes for a brief second, looking for any sign of consciousness or comprehension--she doesn't see any.  The cyborg stares at the floor for a second, then his eyes slowly slide out of focus again.

"Kane's gone," she tries, and she can't tell if the faint twitch of his features is recognition of what she said or just the automatic reaction to his registration holder speaking to him.  "You can come back now."

"Invalid request," he murmurs.

"Do you..."  Julie drags a hand through her hair, groans.  She really doesn't want to dig into this guy's programming, doesn't want to have her hands on something that intimate when he hasn't given her permission--doesn't even seem to register she's there half the time, and can't imagine saying "no" to her when he does.  "Do you have a rollback protocol?"

There's a moment of silence, and then the cyborg blinks.  "...Confirmed," he says.

"Really?"  Julie's heart leaps.  "Okay, well--okay!  Run rollback protocol!"

"One executive exception noted," he says, "Authorization; Abraham Kane."

"Can you roll back everything else?"

Blink.  "Confirmed."

"Okay!" says Julie, with more confidence than she's really feeling right now.  "So--  Do that."

"Confirmed."  He looks around, eyes wandering, and then walks slowly to the nearest corner and leans against the wall.  Slides down it, holding his knees, leans his head back against the wall and goes still.  Occasionally, his eyes flicker again.  Other than that, he's motionless.

He sits there for at least five minutes.  Julie watches him for the first two or three, then goes and settles down on his bed, pulling up a screen and flicking cautiously through a few shopping catalogues.  The flickering of his eyes catches her peripheral vision; first few and infrequent, then faster and faster until it's an almost-constant glow, dim through his eyelashes.  And then he gives a sharp gasp, a jerk, and doubles forward, head resting on his pulled-up knees, making sharp little noises of unmistakable distress.

"Hey!" says Julie, and pushes herself up, hurrying across the room toward him.  "Hey, are you okay?"  And then, with a little more authority, "--you're okay.  You're safe now, you're okay."

"Where--?!"  The cyborg stares around, eyes round and panicky. "Kane, where--  They'll take, they'll make me--  Don't make me--"

"Whoa!" Julie says, and grabs his wrist, snags the other one, pulling his attention back to her.  "Hey, look at me.  You're safe.”

Slowly, he stops struggling, staring at her.  His face is really pale, ashy with fear, and he's breathing too hard and too fast, like a cornered animal.  "I'm," he says, and swallows hard, sniffs, turns his hands so he can grip her wrists.  His hands are big and long-fingered, cold, trembling.  "I, he said he'd--  They're not gonna?"

"No," says Julie, because god, she doesn't know what her dad said to this guy but thank god he handed him over to Julie instead.  "No, nobody's going to hurt you or--or anything."  It's dumb, it's--she doesn't own him, no matter what her dad says, but she still feels responsible, and he's huddling into the corner, he looks so scared.  Julie reaches out, slow and careful as he flinches from her, and rubs his shoulders, squeezes his arms as he shakes.  "He's gone," she says, slow and clear.  "He's not going to hurt you, you're safe.” 

The boy stares at her for another second, taking fast, panicky breaths, and then--oh, no.  His chin crumples and his cheeks go red and blotchy and he just--collapses forward and clings to her, shaking all over, making awful little muffled noises into her shoulder.  Julie holds him, dumbfounded and profoundly uncomfortable, and does her best to make comforting noises.  

"Who?" he manages, finally, in a shaky little gasp, "Who, are, where am I?  What happened?"

"I'm Julie," says Julie, and rubs one scarred forearm in a way she hopes is comforting. 

"Chuck," says the cyborg, like a reflex, and scrubs at his nose with one hand, staring around her pod.  "I'm, I'm Chuck?  I'm Chuck."  And then, wavering again, small with fear, "...why am I here?  What's he gonna do with me?"

Oh.  Shit.  Well, it's a reasonable question, as much as she hates to give an answer.  "He's not going to do anything with you," Julie says.  "Kane uh.  Gave you to me.  Like, as a present?  I'm sorry."

"Why would he give me...to you," says Chuck.  There's a weird, focused look on his face, like he's struggling to work something out.  "I'm, I, he trashed me, but, I'm a significant, I'm, expensive?  Why you?"

Well, shit.  Alright.  There's no way Julie's going to keep him with her, up here, so she's going to have to pull some illegal stuff to get him free anyway...  Julie licks her lips, hesitates, and then decides to take the plunge.

"My name is Julie...Kane," she says, and sees Chuck's eyes flash suddenly blazing blue, blinding.  "I'm his daughter."

Chuck stares at her for a long, long second.  Then a little longer, then, just, keeps staring.  

"...Chuck?" says Julie.

"Huh?" says Chuck.  "Sorry, I--uh, I, what did you say?  I spaced out."

"I said, I'm Kane's daughter."

Again, a weird, silent moment.  Then Chuck smiles vaguely and goes "Ha, sorry, what were we, uh..." foggy-eyed and distracted, and Julie's heart sinks.  One executive exception noted.    If her dad was going to make one thing permanent, of course it would be the protocol to keep Julie's identity secret.  Chuck is starting to look pale, too, dizzy and bleary and strained.  Julie shakes her head, shakes the thought off.

"You look like you could use some food," she says instead.  "C’mon."

Chuck stares at her, blinking vaguely, and then nods a second late.  "Sure," he says.  "Yeah, uh...I...yeah.  What were we...talking about?"

"It's not important," says Julie, and Chuck's eyes flash once, twice, and then go dim again.  He nods.  

"Okay," he says, and shakes his head, dismissing whatever he was thinking about.  "Yeah.  Yeah, I thought--  It's...not important."

[ziracona]

I am both kind of glad she didn't like. Spiral into thoughts or more realization of what exactly she's done to these people. But also not, because I love angst. So. Questions. Will she ever meet the other survivors? What will their interactions be like? Who do you think she gets along with most? Will she meet any other killers? (probs introduced by other survivors??) And also. A painful one but. Does the entity realize she's lying? Do you think you'll continue this story in anyway?

Haha, I feel that. Adiris certainly will hit that horror realization more completely than she did during her breakdown in the archives room. I think because of her realizations of both what she’s done and just how much danger she and they and everybody upstairs depending on her is in suddenly because of the truth, happening at the same, she had a whole lot of fear and anger in play (I was used and hurt and manipulated and lied to and made to suffer, whatever you[Not Nergal/Entity] are, you have been doing horrible stuff to innocent people for no good reason, my people have also been manipulated and lied to and forced to suffer, oh Gods what happens to us if he knows I know? What can I do to save my people and myself and these foreigners? Can I do anything?) and I think the immediacy of the parts of that she had to act on hit so hard it was her core focus, but next time she either is in a trial and has to method act through hunting down people she now knows are not murderers and infidels, or the first time she’s in a safer and more calm setting with the survivors and one of them mentions something, that will all uhhh, it’ll hit home. I’m sure. God, this poor woman.

Okay! For the questions.

“Will she ever meet the other survivors?”

Yes. Definitely, and all of them.

“What will those interactions be like?”

It’s hard to say since I haven’t written that yet, but probably exceedingly awkward. I think there’s a lot of inherent fear from them towards her, and like, how would you feel talking with someone you used to murder a lot because you thought they were the enemy? Nnnmnnnnn probably not great! TuT which is how she gon be feeling. I think she is very aware she’s coming from a place of power, and is also still super used to thinking of herself as a priestess/holy/kind of removed, so she’ll try to approach it like that. Reassuring, and thoughtful/careful to not be scary or threatening, but also in control and a little aloof. And probably after a little time with the survivors, who will all go from “Scary. D:” to “A curiosity but in a good way. Weird. Neat. Still kinda spooky.” to “I like her : )” and thinking of her the way they would any normal human (the normal version of the fkn speedrun Quentin & Dwight went through), she’ll have to adjust to being treated like a normal person, and the way 21st century humans act when they’re being casual and friendly—which honestly, not too different from being friendly throughout history, but sadly either way not something this girl is used to. I think it’ll be weird and she’ll be nervous to try shifting identities from one of the only two things she’s ever known how to be, and into normal human and friend, but that it’ll also be really welcome. Because she has literally never gotten to have a family or a normal life or a friend or any single goddamn healthy or even decent relationship with another living human being. And like, god, humans need that. On a DNA level—We die in isolation. And she hasn’t been “isolated,” but she’s been mostly isolated her whole life, and she sure as hell has never ever gotten to belong or have any kind of certainty or permanence in her relationship, even her spiritual ones. She needs that. She just needs someone to look at her, go: “There’s a human being right there, and I see who she is, and I think she’s very worthwhile. I would like to keep her in my life.” God, she needs that so, so badly. I don’t think she knows it, but she really, really, desperately does.

And she deserves it, too. None of the abandonments or alienations or failures in her life are things she did wrong. But when that kind of thing keeps happening to a person, it sure as hell makes them feel like it. So, haha, sorry, got carried away (the name of my memoir probably >.>). But I think she’d be awkward, and confused, and then nervous, because she’d be invited into something she has literally never had, doesn’t know how to do right, but also desperately wants without fully understanding, which is a terrifying combination to work with socially. But then deeply impacted and happy and moved. Also afraid—I mean, girl smiled without doing it on purpose one time and flipped out emotionally with no idea why, because every time she has felt attachment or sought belonging or thought she had it her whole life, she’s been routinely betrayed and abandoned. She’s a lot more than once burned. But after the initial fear, she would be a mixture of happy and very awkward, and then eventually hopefully just exceedingly happy and also proud of herself and confident. I listened to I’m Still Here from Treasure Planet a lot while writing Adiris. Like, a lot.

“Who do you think she gets along with most?”

Hmmm, well, Dwight and Quentin I think will always be special to her after the day in the temple. Claudette is a sweetie who will definitely try to help alleviate sickness symptoms and be maybe the single least afraid to touch her of all the survivors, and that can’t help but be meaningful. Meg & she have a lot of complimentary similar personality traits, Jeff is super kind & also a great artist so he’ll probably be group interpreter & she’ll be around him a lot, and since Tapp is 2 and 0 so far on drawing bullet barrel in friend luck Russian roulette and keeps befriending women with absentee fathers, I can only assume that means she will end up close with Tapp as well. It’s too funny for him not to be 3 & 0. The world itself demands it. Beyond that, I’d have to write interactions and see how they fall. 👈👈😎 (Also a large part of how she feels about Meg & maybe also Ace, possibly Nea too, maybe even Feng, will come down to how she feels about being flirted with shamelessly. F in the chat for my poor confused ancient Mesopotamian. 😔)

“Will she meet any other killers?”

Yes, definitely. And it will be very interesting to me to see that.

“Does the Entity’s realize she’s lying?”

No. It absolutely does not. Queen method acted hard enough to give herself trauma—the first person experience thoughts and narrative are what she lived, and luckily the Entity is an emotion sponge, not a mind reader. It may or may not have been aware Quentin & Dwight were in the room (legit just depends on if it decided to/thought to look, which I don’t know, because I didn’t need to to write the scene & it be like that sometimes, but regardless of if it did, the outcome is basically unchanged. Either it didn’t look because Adiris clearly wasn’t lying, from its POV, as she felt nothing but what she exhibited outwardly as well. Or it did look for them, saw they were under there, and thought nothing of it because it lined up with her story. She said they ran off. Wouldn’t be weird for them to go to the Archives to try to steal information, or hide, or even just get lost. And it had no reason to expose them if it did see, because if it had dragged them out, it would have had to do something Adiris would understand to them, and it’s really just easier to give itself time to figure out in what way to do its “Nergal the God” aftermath, than to do it right in the room on the spot. TLDR: No, it has no clue. She method acted the fuck out of that situation, and there was nothing weird to sense, so it didn’t. Queen out-bullshitted the Entity.

“Will you continue the story in any way?”

Harder question. Probably? Likely? Maybe? Hard to say. I would love to, but I also have four, five other stories right now? Ever since I made a dumb Fate joke about having four multipath AUs, my brain has been trying to convince me to adapt New Dawn Fades, From the Earth of No Return, and some fourth, as yet unchosen story, into full length monsters. But I might die. Like, y’all, ILM is a hunk of book. If I recall correctly from back when I saw my word count, got nervous, and looked stuff up, if I published a physical single volume copy of ILM, it would become the longest single volume book ever published in a physical single book form. Which I both kinda want to do now just for the knowledge of it, but also!!! That’s SO much, like, I don’t even know how that happened. Like I am immensely proud, but also kinda like wtf? Did I drug me?? And also mostly just because rip @ me that the longest work I have written is a fic I /can’t/ ever publish or include in a resume or reel or anything. :’-](Also, @ the speed readers who did ILM in under two weeks, HOW? And please teach me your absolutely terrifying powers). I don’t plan, even if I do full length stuff again, to make another ILM length one or something. But even then, full length is big! (Also I live in fear of saying this to myself, trying to write, and becoming:

Like u have no idea rip lol.) It takes a whole bunch of time to do books, and like, I do fic books because I love it! Like SO much. It has and does bring me great joy. But, it can get a liiiittle daunting too. It eats up most of my free time to all my free time, if I get super into it.

So yes, I would really like to adapt it further. I have the barest of bones for an outline, I even have two possible endings already envisioned and several major events more fleshed out! : D But if I do write more long-form full novels for DbD, even in more manageable sizes than their forebearer, I’d try to do them in the order I began. Which means Signifying Nothing—the prequel to ILM about Philip’s time with Vigo, Alex, & Benedict (which is a will do, not if), then New Dawn Fades (the ongoing fic I have on AO3 centered around Joey & Quentin’s relationship), then From the Earth of No Return. Which for the record, my soul very much wants to adapt. Every time I hear Brave Shine now, I see cool TV show opens for it in my head. TuT But I guess the best I can say is, “We’ll see”? Since fics aren’t like my paying job or smth, it depends largely on my personal & work life & how much time I have to devote to for-passion writing. So, I guess the short answer is I’d love to, and I hope to, I’d even say I think I intend to sometime, but I’m not completely certain I’ll be able.

[euphoriacrossing]

It took a minute but things are kind of as I had hoped.

I know I made a lot of posts before the game came out talking about how I hoped I would be more social due to it and I would play more with friends and for a few days I was worried it wouldn't make a difference. But now I am sure that it is one of many differences it IS making. I have made friends due to it, and I am happy about that.

Spent hours this morning playing with a friend from a small Animal Crossing discord, and even got @dizzimulation to drop by, though he was reluctant, I think or at least hope he got something out of it. But he didn't get his fruit because he didn't leave through the airport, so he has to come back sometime, and I'm almost glad he has a reason to come back because I want to enjoy this game more with him.

(I didn't get enough pictures because I was busy having fun but hopefully next time I'll get more. Better ones than this at least, lol, but this was the one I looked best in... obviously I am in the pineapple dress.)

And so that makes four different people I've had on my island now this week not including my sister who I play with almost constantly as well. (I feel the game has also made our relationship better.) I want to host a bunch of people at once sometime though, and I also want my sister to play with us so she can be in on all the fun as well but she's SUPER shy so we'll see how things go sometime.

Today I also got to go to my friend from the discord's island too. It was really nice, I think it was cuter than mine, but I still think Euphoria needs a lot of work I plan to put in. But it was cool seeing an island other than mine or my sister's... because i don't have much stuff I've run across to put out and beautify my town in thought my island might have a generic look, but in reality our two islands couldn't have been more different. And hers was really nice, but just so different it's hard to make a comparison. I was a bit jealous, well, not jealous really, because I am really happy for her, but just little things like how lucky she got with her map and how she's already about to get the Able Sisters shop already... but I am happy about that one both for her and me because she said she would let me come over once construction is done. So yeah, it was just nice to get a peek at a friend's island and see how differently things can be done in this game.

Right now I have the game open and it's a beautiful perfectly clear night, and the starry sky is so freakin' beautiful. This game is beautifully made, I truly have never seen a game's graphics that I love this much, because i have always loved the style of Animal Crossing but this game is on a new level for sure.

Anyway, i have the game open watching for shooting stars to try and make good use of my time in game while I write this and I've seen and wished on three, but I think it was the second night or something I saw dozens (but only bothered to wish on about a dozen myself), maybe it was a meteor shower or something, I'm not sure, but I would like to get more star fragments now that I have a couple of wand recipes (star and bamboo) because I like having extra wands to be able to gift them to friends who might not have them because I think they are such a fun little part of the game.

And gifting, that's the main reason I need to get all of my friends over for at least a minute or two. I mentioned how I loved the mailing system (ah just caught two more stars!) but I hate that your friends have to come over to be considered your friends in this game. Can't they just detect who is my nintendo switch friend, or ask for a code or something? I mean I guess it is reasonable enough, I am really glad we can do it at all now, but I want to send presents to all my friends. And while we're on what I dislike, I don't like that you can only send two letters a day to each friend. I want to send them something when it makes me think of them and that might be more often than that! But overall I guess my criticisms are just small ones, it's really a lot of fun to get to send my friends gifts and I am really glad it's not limited to best friends like I initially thought. And so I guess I have quite a few people to send to, and I'm not the best gift giver, I am actually hoping this will help with teaching me how to get what people like and such, so I suppose it's alright. I have just had moments when I saw something and thought of a friend I can't send to yet. Guess I'll just start saving those gifts until I can get that friend over for the first time. I have such cluttered storage though.

Well mostly cluttered with my clothes. My wardrobe is really coming along, in that I could actually make more outfits than what the wand holds (including what I wear underneath) so I have still been changing up my underneath outfit a lot as well as using the wand. I hit up three different Mabels today (mine, my friend's, and my sister's) and bought a good bit of what each one was selling. Plus villagers always give (five more shooting stars!) me clothing, I get it from the recycle box, and tons from balloons as well as ordering it from Nook Shopping when I find a piece I like. I try to only get things I like or think will be useful, and I DO sell clothes that i don't like. But there is a lot of cute stuff in this game, and I only hope it's more than I could ever possibly collect, because when I find a cute new piece of clothing I just melt. Like the blossom dress I think it's called, I'd never seen it before and I think it's super darling. (Four more stars!) The clothes are so special to me because in real life for a number of reasons (weight, money, pain and ability, etc) I can't dress in a way that helps me to express myself at all. My hair is similar because I overheat so easily I have to keep it as short as I can, and I can only style it the way my mom likes or she won't be seen with me and that matters as she is my driver and caretaker. (5 more stars). So to be able to express myself in game and look how I want really feels amazing, especially when that is a lot of what my friends will see of me since we're only online friends.

Anyway, tomorrow is Biff's birthday and I looked at New Leaf's guide of what to get him but I don't have any of the main things, and so I am just going to give him something random from my storage. I hope he will like it enough and that his birthday goes well. I dunno if I should invited my sister or people over or try before I go see him, or if I just go over on my own. Biff though has been a real unlikely buddy for me. Tammy and I have clashed since the beginning, which was kind of a bummer because I expected to like her most. And then there was this jock hippo, love hippos, hate jock personalities, so it could have gone either way. But he was funny, and cute, and endearing instead of coming off like an asshole so we were fast pals. He didn't even get a birthday announcement on the bulliten board from Tom Nook... Beau whose birthday is in April already got one, but Biff was maybe too close to the start of the game? Not sure. But maybe I'll draw him something on the board tomorrow. Or well it's technically today.

This has been long enough though. How many stars is that? I might go ahead and do some other stuff online while I look for more, it's a good way to multitask in my opinion. Because I personally never catch them if I'm not looking at the sky, but to sit for an hour or more just staring isn't a great use of time. So to have it open in the background while taking care of other things, that is the way to go! 😁 But yeah, I'll shut up now. Thanks for reading!

[dearlordsanta]

Catching up Part 2

Since my last post, a lot has happened so it's coming in two parts! Part one was basically one weekend, so part two will be the rest.

First, I'd like to share that I am still doing well in school! Well enough to be invited to join the NSLS program for leadership success! I'm very excited to start and my director at work says it will be beneficial when I try to move up. I just started my math classes though, so I feel like my 4.0 GPA is going away soon (lol).

We also learned we have an inheritance coming. I had a hard time coming to terms with this because the person who died is someone I've never met. Although she was my husband's paternal grandmother, he wasn't close to her either. She did leave a substantial amount of money to my father-in-law to distribute how he saw fit, so he's going to give us money to help us with our down payment on a house next year. Don't get me wrong, part of me was overjoyed that we were finally catching a break. On the other hand, catching a break because someone died seems like a messed-up reason to be happy. Made me miss therapy again. I wish I could talk to my old therapist about it. I came to terms with it though. I am still trying not to be too excited in case it doesn't end up happening. My stepmother-in-law is a bit of a harpy (that's a long story I won't go into here).

Update on the move. As previously mentioned, it didn't happen this year. It now takes an entire paycheck to pay rent, so finances are way tighter than they were before, but the move is for sure happening next year, we just don't know where. Thanks to the inheritance, we'll have a little more freedom and hopefully a little more buying power. My credit score is still a little low, but not pathetic anymore, so that's something. There is about a 98% chance we'll be moving to another state again. Hopefully, one that is not quite so hot (lol).

Give or take a handful of days, my husband has been doing well. He's talking about looking for part-time work when we move next year (fingers crossed!). He's talking about selling his excess music equipment so we can finally set up the music equipment he's keeping which will FINALLY allow us to clean up our living room! This year, I am hoping we'll slowly, but surely get rid of some stuff to make it easier to move.

As the country gets closer and closer to the upcoming recession, we can all feel coming, things are getting more and more stressful at work. I am trying to do whatever I can to make things better while doing whatever I can to make myself a better candidate to move up. I'm on the lookout now. There aren't many options/opportunities to move up right now due to the hiring freeze that's been going on the last year, but when I see something, I'll jump on it. Wish me luck!

[thisismypersonalsanctuary]

3/31/14

A: I know! We never facetimed or talked on the phone :(

G: I know :( we will soon though!

A: Liar 😒

G: I am not lying! I want to.

A: Then do it, stupid

G: we will babeee

A: Don't believe you

G: how about tmrw?

A: Ughhhhhh fine. 😣

G: and I can't wait to see you tmrwwww

A: Yeah yeah yeahh 😒

G: be happy!

A: 😞

G: pleaseeee

A: 😔

G: noooo

A: I have the other picture you wanted.

G: waiting :)

A: Rude

G: omg. you're so sexyyyy. are you alone in your room?

A: Nope Emily's in here

G: you did that with her in there??

A: Yeah lol

G: ha. and she didn't say anything?

A: She's in bed & it's lofted up so she didn't see

G: oh. god you're so sexy. I want you here In that exact outfit you just sent me a picture in. I want 198087 different pics of you. I want vidoes. I can't get enough of you :) too hot

A: Lol it's not even an outfit babe. & videos?! Hahah of what? Probably not 198087 pictures because there's not that many poses I could do

G: well if love a couple more. and I know. I love the outfit ;) but idk. it sounds crazy but I think it'd be hot to see you materbate

G: it'd be so hot.

A: You're right that is crazy haha.

G: Maybe one day

A: idk. you're just hot. if I don't get to be there and do it then I wanna see it hah. idk. it's the closest I can get to doing anything with you since we hardly get to have sex or se each other naked :/

G: I'd do a video of us having sex or something haha. Like a short one

G: I know, we barely see each other :( I hate it.

A: I don't want you to get tired of neverrrr seeing me and not wanna do this anymore.

G: you're the only person I'd ever even consider doing that with and I hate it too :/

G: it does suck but when I see you it makes me so happy!

A: Yeah I trust you enough to do that with you, it'd be fun. & seeing you, even for the little amount of time, makes me so happy. I get so nervous before I get there and for the first few minutes I'm there with you.

G: it would be. and I don't wanna make you nervous! I want yu to just be yourself babe

A: You do make me nervous. I open up to be a little like myself but just being around you gives me butterflies and all that

G: well you do give me butterflies too. it's a good feeling. I like getting excited to see you. I just wish your parents weren't so strict. that's the hardest part. they don't realize you aren't a little kid anymore :/ idk. I just wish that at least while you were here I could see you for more than an hour. or you could stay with me sometime. idk

A: I wish they weren't, too. It sucks so much. I don't even know how to handle hen.

A: Them

G: idk. you just gotta stick up for yourself. talk to her. I mean you aren't even allowed to stay at a friends house?

G: idk. you gotta just talk to her.

A: I don't want to get you in trouble I just miss you.

A: No I'm allowed to stay at friends, but idk. It's sketchy when she tracks my freaking phone. I don't really understand because I'd go visit my ex an hour and a half away & stay all weekend with him in his dorm and she wouldn't care.

G: idk. I mean you could even actually stay at a friends house but just go over there later and tell her you're going with her to her bfs or somewhere. maybe she just wants honesty and that's why she let you stay with him.

G: you'd tell her you're staying there?

A: Yeah I told her I was going to Franklin and she said alright

G: well idk. just say you're going with a friend to her bfs house that'd work. I mean hopefully eventually she'll let you just stay with me.

A: I wanna just sit down and tell her that we're talking or whatever we're doing and I wanna be able to spend time with you. It's just annoying because of how double standard it all is.

G: yeah it is annoying :/ idk maybe over time we can ease it onto her and she'll let us. idk. you know your mom. I'm open to anything. obv this weekday so close though. I think the only option is to make something up so I can actually see you for more than an hour on Friday :/

A: It's so difficult with her. I know but I work early Saturday anyways.

G: yeah but in so close to where you work anyways you could stay and go from here

A: I know.

G: idk. I'm sorry. I don't mean to be pushy

A: You're not. It's just hard & I know my mom and how it is.

G: well try to tell her about it early so it's not last minute. I think that'll help. I don't see you she could say no to you going to a friends

G: then just text her and tell her you're going to your friends bfs place. or say you're going anywhere. idkkk.

A: Idk either.

G: well okay. I hope I get to see you..

A: Me too. I'll be home all weekend

G: okay..

A: Alright.

G: well anyways

A: I don't want you to get sick of never seeing me and all the crap with my mom & be done.

G: I just want to see you. well figure it out.