#I don’t even reach most of the societal expectations for women

[popcornucopia]

Why can’t I girl the way I want

[couragecomesfromwithin]

polin love scene 🪞

now I haven’t seen much discourse about the nudity in Ep 5 particularly, but I have heard how some fans have been disappointed with how much was “teased” versus what they feel we deserved. maybe there was more and it was cut back, maybe they were respecting boundaries while trying to still satisfy fans I don’t know… But I do just want to acknowledge in fact how lucky we are. How proud we all should be, of both of them.

But Nicola. Beautiful, radiant Nicola Coughlan.

This woman had already shared her anxieties and boundaries around what was pitched in the book vs what she would be comfortable doing, long before it was posed or undertaken. I also want to remind you of the obnoxious, rude and disrespectful discussions and opinions she has already had to face about her body. Previously and still most recently. She put that all back on the line like never before undertaking and exposing so much in that scene. Naked. Not in some bitty show or a stage where it is only to a privileged ticketed few. But to a worldwide phenomenon.

This woman’s image will likely land on porn and xxx websites. It shouldn’t, but it will, alongside other actresses who have given similar performance simulations. And she will be judged and belittled by small, horrid people hiding behind the anonymity of the interweb. Maybe they will not reach her directly. We can hope, but they will be out there-and in a way it never was going to be for the first two leading ladies. Because they fit within the superficial societal expectations of what constitutes beauty. And indeed they are beautiful, but not because of the size of their waistlines. This woman is beautiful, and bold and she chose to find the empowerment in undertaking that level of exposure. She chose to honour what was expressed in the book. What we got to witness , it has been a privilege, not something we were ever entitled to. She is not an adult entertainer, she is not an explicit model, she is an actor. A performer. A brilliant, vibrant one at that, and she is proud, and happy. We should be proud and happy. She has given us a gift, she has risked the vulnerability of more unwarranted, cruel opinions and commentary on her naked body. I am so proud of her, I am so proud of who she represents, all these beautiful, sexy women who do not fit within the unrealistic ideals of a world that equates the size of a dress, the numbers on a scale and the absence of “imperfection” to the worthiness of a person. A human being.

She is resplendent. Unless you have ever faced- even with the support of an intimacy coordinator- filmed nudity, as an actor, it is intimidating. It’s you, but not you, in all your naked glory, with nothing to hide behind but the belief and identity of being another person and an absolute trust in those you create that moment with. And with the advance of social media, reality tv and the internet clearly the world’s ability to see the distinct line between character and performer, has become increasingly blurred for the socially inappropriate. And they will tell you exactly what they think, without a drop of consideration or care…and whether you are doing it for the first time or twelfth time as you sit in a robe, very nearly naked, You will still have this small voice of “o god, am I going to regret doing this?” And you make a choice.

You choose to trust, in yourself and those around you... But this is captured, memorialised on film for better or for worse, forever. Your family may see the it, your future children, grandchildren. It may sit in the minds of strangers, people who you will sit opposite on the tube- and who won’t say a thing…Not that you may really want them to.. but you just may catch their eye, sparkling with recognition, and think to yourself ‘oh geez, what if what they are thinking about what I look like naked’…which feels stupid and shallow, but for such a moment as a nudity scene, it ultimately becomes part of your legacy- it stays with you. Your career…hell people may still bring it up again 30 years down the line on a chat show (👀..Brooke shields, Sharon stone…there are still female performers who’s careers are ultimately stalled and who are judged for undertaking such scenes, who find that suddenly they are no longer so respected) and to recognise that…that to do this, it’s still a big thing, and we still do it anyway, because you believe in what you are doing and why you are doing it, to take pride and pleasure in what you do and the stories you tell and the characters and experiences you bring to life… it is beautiful and worthy of a little respect and acknowledgement.

now I’m not saying we are wrong to have wished for more, or different…but I do want to recognise what we did get, and how incredibly lucky we are in that. We should be so worthy and accept with grace the beautiful performances and attentions as was clearly given by the whole cast, crew and production.

[alaynestcnes]

Can you believe the nonsense logic of @rya stans and jonsa antis?? It’s like they choose to be dense. (And just to preface I adore @rya but her northern rose maiden stans piss me off.) they’re now saying that @rya is actually a maiden too (even though she’s not hit puberty yet ??? She’s still a child by Westeros standards). They’re stuck on proving @rya is the princess in the tower romantic figure of the series anything to twist the narrative for their ship … they’re also suddenly obsessed with @rya being Persephone ajsjdjd but they throw a fit if anyone makes sansa / lyanna comparisons 😭

They make fun of us for coming to the conclusion that Jon subconsciously desires a lady, that sansa building Winterfell means *nothing,* that sansa is called radiant by multiple people (even though Jon is the only who thinks this about her) that sansa doesn’t have anything to do with naerys and most recently ….sansa isn’t beautiful people just tell her that because of her class 🫠🫠🫠

I can’t believe we’re in a fandom with such stupid people I understand everyone comes to different interpretations based on how they perceive something but they’re ignoring canon at this point and then have the gall to say WE are the ones who twist canon???

I’m glad I haven’t run across too much of that discourse (thank you, my beloved block button) but I will say it is very funny to see how some people anticipate that the final instalments of grrms epic subversive fantasy series will include a ‘she’s all that’ style makeover montage. especially for a 9 year old. during a war.

It’s v weird how some people will stan a character, but literally only want to discuss that character in relation or comparison to another character that they supposedly don’t care for. Instead of just talking about the character they like, they spend their time coming up with ‘what-ifs’ and altering their traits so that they can win an imaginary rivalry. Like it’s never just that ary@ is beautiful, it’s always that she’s more beautiful than sansa. It’s always that ary@ is the True Northern Rose, unlike that other northern girl that actually isn’t even that special or important. Do they not find ary@ interesting enough as she is? I could think of a hundred things to discuss before I got to ‘is she more pretty than her sister tho?’

And anyway, why is there even the need to pit them against each other? I hate to say the infamous sansa stan catchphrase but, whatever - it’s internalised misogyny. We never see arguments about how jon is actually so much more attractive than robb ever was, because jon is a True Northen Rose, while robb was just a fake southron pretender. Somehow, everyone is able to accept that both robb and jon are two attractive people who can coexist and their attractiveness isn’t really that important to their story, anyway. Strange how it’s only the two sisters that get lumbered with this reductive discourse.

Like, yes, ary@ does have an interesting relationship with societal expectations of femininity and her own experience, desires and interests as a young girl. But let’s think critically and ask ourselves, are these themes present because grrm is trying to make the profound observation that all women (even 9 year old child soldiers) are in a constant beauty competition against every other woman that determines their value and also becoming beautiful is actually one of the highest achievements a girl can reach? OR is he trying to say something about how women are more than objects that possess beauty, they are complex people that should be valued beyond their compliance with narrow societal expectations?

In terms of jonsa, yeah, I find the ‘jon will neverrrr like a girly girl’ argument very silly. Like, oh ok, you think jon is so shallow that his one determining factor for attraction is if the girl is traditionally feminine? Give the guy some credit, damn. It’s not like jon confronting his own surface-level, problematic views of people has been a theme throughout his story or anything (cough sam cough the freefolk cough). Seems like meeting a very traditionally feminine woman and coming to understand and value her strength, beyond physical strength or wielding a sword, would align very well with the important relationships we’ve seen him form so far.

However, what I do think would probably would be a major turn off for jon would be getting with a literal child, no matter how much of a beautiful perfect northern rose she is. They can make up as many twisted metas or foreshadowing for jonry@ as they want, it’s not going to remove the issue of age (which is my main ick for that ship).

Anyway, I could ramble on forever about the misogyny in this fandom but it won’t change the fact that there’s always going to be people with two braincells spewing their dripple to anyone who will listen. We just have to laugh and scroll on and thank god that grrm has better sense.

[thevelaryons]

I think Laenor’s refusal to change himself to fit his society’s perception of how “a man” should be is actually quite admirable. No matter what others may think of him, he is unabashedly himself. In a society where men are expected to desire women and have martial prowess, Laenor does neither:

Laenor Velaryon was now nineteen years of age, yet had never shown any interest in women. Instead he surrounded himself with handsome squires of his own age, and was said to prefer their company.

Ser Laenor Velaryon (knighted a fortnight before the wedding, since it was deemed necessary the prince consort be a knight).

He is what he is. No use trying to hide it or be ashamed of it. Even his emotions he expresses openly:

her new husband laughed

leaving Laenor to weep bitter tears of grief

Laenor is not the type to want to live behind a mask. While it’s clear that he does desire to be a father, he’s also not going to pretend to be something he’s not in order to accomplish it:

Thereafter, though he joined his wife for important court events where his presence was expected, Ser Laenor spent most of his days apart from the princess.

There were many rumours circulating about for years, with even some disparaging remarks said about him. No doubt, Laenor would have been aware of it and even gotten used to it. He had been made to marry a woman for politics (his family’s royal ambitions), and yet it’s clearly a marriage in name only. Despite it all, Laenor continued to live as freely as he wished:

Ser Laenor returned to Driftmark thereafter, leaving many to wonder if his marriage had ever been consummated. The princess remained at court, surrounded by her friends and admirers.

In fact, what actually does cause a change in Laenor is the growing political strife at court: 

Do keep trying,” Queen Alicent told Ser Laenor, according to Mushroom, “soon or late, you may get one who looks like you.” And the rivalry between the greens and blacks grew deeper, finally reaching the point where the queen and the princess could scarce suffer each other’s presence. Thereafter Queen Alicent kept to the Red Keep, whilst the princess spent her days on Dragonstone, attended by her ladies, Mushroom, and her champion, Ser Harwin Strong. Her husband, Ser Laenor, was said to visit “frequently.” 

When Laenor finally does go over to Rhaenyra’s side (with the Blacks on Dragonstone), it’s not pressure from his family to be with his wife or societal expectations that motivate him but rather rude remarks made about his sons. He had previously had an amicable but clearly distant relationship with his wife. That’s no longer the case. It’s almost like a “the enemy of my enemy is my friend” type of situation.

Still, that’s not to say he’s changed wholly as a person. Laenor may have come to a decision on where his allegiance lies in the world of politics, but he still stays steadfastly true to himself. He continues to pursue relationships with other men and he even found his own way to be a husband and father in a world where gay men don’t really have much freedom to live a life of their choosing.

[i-am-hughesgroup]

AN (UN)OFFICIAL INTRODUCTION

I got hit with the FanFic bug about two months ago for Thai actors MewGulf who represented a BL novel called TharnType. My passion for this has been endless. Everyone has to be hot potatoes about something right? ***Sigh***

Believe me when I say that I had never heard of FanFic as a writing platform before this! The idea of writing for someone else’s hard work seemed disrespectful. I didn’t understand it as a useful writing tool like prompts. Slowly I realized that sometimes readers become so enthused that it creates a void others try to fill.

Seriously, I’ve heard so much in conjunction with these apps authors use to publish. Watt Pad and Medium are the two I have ventured into. With AI emergence I’ve been hit square in the face, that as a new, trying to be published author, the creative space is wearing thin. The ideas are flowing but constantly in the back of my mind is ‘AI’ can do it better. I kind of feel like the most important part of me, the part that puts words to paper has gotten lost to the shuffling of time. I was always hoping others can relate, and no one, when reading my work, would be looking for the color of my skin. You got what you got. Simple.

Now I feel that writing is definitely for the young.

At this moment just from introductions I have read on Tumblr alone, it seems a writer must dig into to the very heart of themselves just to be heard. The inquiries expected when reading my work have expanded. It’s no longer whether I’m old, or I’m black, or a little too strong in vocalizing my thoughts into something easily read. It’s about influence in numbers or worry that I may not have enough influence to get those numbers. May not have enough views or likes. As I was slow at one time to understand, FanFic, is vicious! If you go there…be prepared! Social Media has definitely made it real.

Goddess I love it!

Maybe I should have said that with a little more professional candor. But I am hoping that you see my point in the messy message.

I can fight AI.

AI is the toolkit that has nothing to do until someone picks it up.

It’s prophetic future is indeed coming with a wave of solutions and societal changes. It can imitate our speech and talk about religion. It can even tell us how to solve life’s problems. But always I am reminded that with all its miraculous possibilities, it still has no heart. FanFicis a perfect example of this.

MewGulf, these FanFic idols, created The Waanjai, “Sweethearts” for the non Thai speakers, of which I am a shameless member. My crazy found a home in millions of people from all over the world! And I got my writing groove back because of it. For weeks I stood outside the light because I couldn’t answer a simple question…who am I?

For now, I am a writer, a poet, and an artist for whatever reason I may need. I love being able to better visualize my characters. I love being apart of the writers community. More importantly, my happiness comes from being a WAANJAI.

Why?

Because every writer, has so much to offer. Without writers a suffering voice can go unheard. Freedom to express yourself or fight for your rights would go unnoticed. Words are a powerful tool that move society forward. I love being apart of collective. If I had only today to tell anyone who I am as a person, as a writer, I would say I am a collective communicator. I don’t want to write just for one woman of one community. I want to want write in the voice of all women everywhere. Sharing like FanFic is shared and loved by many. Our footsteps are the same no matter where in the world we live.

As I gain my public voice and broker the silence, I can only hope my characters reach as many people as I am, with humility, allowed.

S.A. Hughes

[eduminatti]

What are some problems that Girls face in Schools in India?

There are numerous problems that girls can face in schools in India. They can be problems related to the infrastructure, or social problems. It doesn't matter what school it is, but these problems exist. This article by a senior writer will help you find out what are some of the problems. 

There are a lot of problems which face girls in schools. But they are facing more problems because they are girls. Girls have been treated as second-class citizens in India despite talking big about gender equality. Today we'll talk about what problems do girls face in schools in India. 

You will be amazed to see how our thoughts are distorted by society and how we punish girls for not conforming to social norms.

As per research conducted by schools in Pune ,School-going girls in India face a number of problems that are unique to them and have a negative impact on their growth. While many of these need to be faced by the girls alone, some of them can be mitigated with help from everyone around. 

Let us go through 10 problems that most girls face during school. Recently India is growing rapidly in the Education sector too. 

Another survey done by schools in Mumbai nowadays almost all families are giving education to their girls instead of boys. Still, there are so many things that need to be modified. Today I am going to share some problems which students face in schools.

With the fast growth of education in India, more and more girls have started going to school. However, this doesn't mean that they aren't facing any problems regarding education.

 In fact, in my opinion, it is the lack of awareness about basic education which leads to many problems for girls in schools. As a girl myself with a great interest in English literature, I have come up with many ideas about this major subject problem for girls.

Most of the girls drop out of school because they are not allowed to go to a place that is far from their homes. Many parents do not allow their children to go to a school which is very far from their home.

Even if the girl is educated and goes to a good school, there are chances that it will be dropped out for marriage purposes.

Many parents in India think that girls should get married as soon as possible, so they do not want their daughters to study more.

I am a girl who had previously lived in India and I have seen this first hand.

Kids are mean.

There is no way around it. They will be mean, they will do things that make you feel bad, and as a girl, there will always be pressure to get good grades.

Societal pressures are real in India and if you are a girl, it is never more apparent than when you are in school. You can't eat too much, you can't eat outside food, you can't wear jeans, you can't go out with friends once you reach a certain age, and the list goes on.

It's tough because as a girl you don't want to be seen as different or not fit into the idea of what people think a daughter should be like.

The pressure to perform well academically is always there because your family's honor is at stake. People really care about how girls perform in school because they are supposed to get the best jobs in order to find the best men who will support them for the rest of their lives.

 It's so ironic when some of these men who expect women to cook all day long are actually men who may not even know how to cook themselves! 

In India, Girls face many problems in schools. They don't have toilets for girls and the teachers don't even know how to teach.

The toilets in schools are a major problem for girls. Many girls don't go to school because they feel uncomfortable using open or unclean toilets. There are no separate toilets for boys and girls.

Some schools do not even have toilets at all. This is a big problem as the students have to go home just to use the toilet.

There are many schools that have a poor quality of education and teachers who do not know how to teach properly. As a result, the students do not learn anything and waste their time in the classroom.

Many girls are forced into early marriages which prevents them from getting an education or job opportunities in their future life. This leads them into poverty and depression later on in life with no hope at all.

Widespread gender discrimination against girls in schools is a significant problem all throughout India. While there are laws designed to combat and prevent such discrimination, they are rarely enforced. Thus, girls face significant hurdles each day just trying to get an education.

[bi-kisses]

Hi there idk if you accept this type of questions but if you don’t just don’t answer!

I wanted to ask what do you think about this tiktok: https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMNw1XC3t/ since I personally found it quite curious and the guy on it had quite a point

Uhhhh I don't mind it overall, I advocate strongly for the abolishment of gender roles and stereotypes, but I think there's a certain naivete in claiming gender wouldn't exist outside of its societal construction, and then comparing it to money. No, gender is based on your biological "assigned" sex 99% of the time, it's not an arbitrary societal categorization. We function that way as a species, where our perception of people will be coloured by the information we glean about them visually; sex, age, etc.

Age is about as much of a social construct as gender, in a sense, because both function as a "made up" form of categorization. Even if we didn't assign a number to each age, there would be clear differences between children and adults, and milestones you will reach at specific points in time (puberty, growth spurts, mental comprehension, etc). Having a time frame we can point to so as a society we know when to expect these specific changes and shifts is incredibly helpful.

The "arbitrary" categorization of men and women (I won't touch on enbies I've said my piece about that) is very much tied to harmful/restrictive roles we're expected to fulfill, but isn't on its own about restriction. We categorize people with vaginas as women, penises as men, with a few recognized exceptions such as transition or intersex/ambiguous genitalia. Those exceptions are used as pawns to argue that these otherwise obvious categorizations are useless or restrictive, but that's from a well-meaning place of ignorance. Having "woman" as a disambiguation of "human" is useful for both cis and trans people; I think a lot of trans positive gender abolitionists sort of forget that gender dysphoria would still exist without gendered pronouns or clothing. I'd imagine most people can understand that it's nice to be able to say "I'm a woman" instead of delving into whether or not you're male or female and why you may look one way or the other yet still want people to refer to you as this or that....

There's more to it, obviously, but at the end of the day "gender" isn't just the delegated roles, it's our way of classifying something that would exist even without that label.

[ironwoman359]

This is probably not the best place to ask, but you’re also a Christian woman too. I was wondering what you thought about what the Bible says about women and how we must submit to husbands and some other stuff that has me (a potential ace) Christain woman kind of terrified. I would go to my church but social anxiety and my church is pretty conservative. I don’t want to think that we’re just second rate citizens with this. Um…that’s all. You don’t have to answer. Love your Tumblr. It’s one of the main ones I look at. Thanks for countless enjoyment!

— — —

(I’m responding on the submission and not the ask because the ask refused to post properly, I think it was too long for Tumblr’s fancy)

So I know you just asked for my thoughts and not a biblical interpretation lesson, but I didn’t spend 3 months writing an exegesis in college for me to never use those skills again, so buckle up for something of a long answer! (literally, this is almost 3 thousand words, so....sorry about that) *rubs hands together* The thing we need to take into consideration when reading the bible is Interpretation; any truly honest biblical scholar would tell you it is a mistake to take every word in the bible at its literal face value, ESPECIALLY since most of us are reading translations of scripture, not the original ancient hebrew/greek/aramaic/whatever else. So when interpreting scripture, we must consider these things:

Author (Who wrote it?)

Audience (Who was it written for?)

Context (What is written around it?)

So the verses you’re referencing are Ephesians 5:22-23, and in the NIV, they read as follows:

22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

Isolated from author, audience, and context, they sound pretty sexist, don’t they? And male authority figures have used these verses as justification for the oppression of women for centuries, just as white men used the passage only a few verses away, Ephesians 6:5, as justification for the oppression and ownership of black people (Slaves, obey your earthly masters with respect and fear, and with sincerity of heart, just as you would obey Christ). So let’s look at each of the points above in regards to Ephesians 5 and 6. First, who wrote it? Sometimes that can be a tricky question to answer, but in this case, it’s actually very easy (though there is still a bit of fuzziness/debate). Traditionally, Ephesians is one of the Apostle Paul’s letters to the early church. Specifically, to the body of believers in Ephesus, a Greek city that was a part of the Roman Empire at the time. According to two different study bibles I have, the letter of Ephesians was not addressing any particular problem that the church in Ephesus had (as was often the case with Paul’s letters), but was meant as an encouragement of faith and to increase his readers’ understanding of what it meant to be a follower of Christ. So now what about the Context? Why are the verses at the end of chapter 5 and beginning of chapter 6 so damning to our modern sensibilities? To answer that, we must look at the passages both in context to the verses around them, and in historical and cultural context (which is where 1 & 2 come into play again). Going back to the beginning of chapter 4, which is subtitled “Unity in the Body of Christ” (and remember, these subtitles and groupings were come up with LONG after they were written; we grouped sections together in a way we thought was most logical, which honestly for a book as short as Ephesians I would argue is barely even necessary), we can see that the letter from chapter 4 onward is about living a Holy and Godly life. Chapter 4 urges us to be “completely humble and gentle, be patient, bearing with one another in love” and warns us against living “as the Gentiles* do, in the futility of their thinking.” *Gentiles in this case meaning not neccesarily all non-Jews, but non-believers. AKA, we should live like Jesus lived, WWJD and all that jazz. If the Holy Spirit is in our hearts and our relationship with God is at the forefront of our lives, then that should show clearly in our actions. The very first verse of chapter 5 reads “Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.” Chapters 5 and 6 especially are meant to act as a sort of guide for how a follower of Christ should act. There’s some stuff about obscenity, greed, sexual impurity, 5:15 sums it up pretty well basically, “Be very careful, then, how you live- not as unwise but as wise,” and then we reach the all important verse. Ephesians 5:21, “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” That’s a full sentence, just that there. Submit to one another. The following three sections are all subsections of this point: one for Wives submitting to Husbands, one for Children submitting to Parents, and one for Slaves submitting to Masters. But when looking at all of these, bad shepherds (ie, racist, sexist assholes) like to ignore that first bit, submit to one another, just as they like to ignore 5:28, which says “husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself;” or they ignore 6:4 which says “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord;” and they ignore 6:9, “Masters, treat your slaves in the same way. Do not threaten them, since you know that he who is both their Master and yours is in heaven, and there is no favoritism with him.” I do highly encourage you to read chapters 4, 5, and 6 in full, or at least start at 4:17, which is where Paul starts talking about “Living as Children of Light,” because it makes the intent of these apparently damning verses much more clear. Paul is stating that as Christians, we should treat everyone around us with honor and respect. According to one of my study bibles, the grammar of the original Greek suggests that the “submission” involved in all three sections is intended to be mutual submission, and is to come from a filling of the Holy Spirit. However, to be quite frank, Paul still Lived In A Society. A highly structured, patriarchal society, in which all members of a household (women, children, slaves) were expected to submit to the patriarchal head of that household. Male children until they reached adulthood, Slaves until they were freed (remember that, while by no means a purely morally good thing, the system of Roman Slavery was VASTLY DIFFERENT from the Atlantic Slave Trade that men later used this passage to justify existing), and women, unfortunately, for their whole lives. In another one of his letters, what is now the book of Galatians, Paul says in chapter 3 verse 27-29 that “You are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus, for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. If you belong to Christ, then you are Abraham’s seed, and heirs according to the promise.” This would have been radical at the time. Paul is promising all people of all genders and classes that, in the eyes of God, they are Equal, One, and all “sons,” meaning that they all have a right to the Inheritance of the Father (remember, at this time and in this culture women did not get any inheritance, and younger sons got significantly less than the firstborn. Paul assures the believers that they ALL are equal receivers of the Promises of God). But this equality that Paul speaks of was, in his eyes, a spiritual equality. He was not particularly concerned with overthrowing the earthly patriarchal society that subjugated women and lower classes, but rather instructed all members of that society who also were Believers to submit equally to one another out of love and respect, for they were all Equal in God’s eyes and would be Equal in heaven. This is why he both tells women to submit to and obey their husbands, but also husbands to love, cherish, and care for their wives. Children, obey your parents, but Fathers, don’t be dicks to your kids. Slaves should obey their masters (slavery was much more like a job that you weren’t allowed to quit until your boss said so) but Masters shouldn’t abuse their slaves. There are Societal Authorities, and Paul is telling his readers “look you can’t just go around not respecting those Authorities, but also hey, if you’re the Authority? That’s not a free pass to be an asshole.” As one of my study bibles puts it, “Paul counseled all believers to submit to one another by choice…this kind of mutual submission preserves order and harmony in the family while it increases love and respect among family members.” Paul is basically saying “it’s better for everyone if we all get along, and remember that Christ had a servant’s heart, and intentionally lowered himself for us, so we should do the same for each other.” And while a patriarchal class system is still super sucky for like 80% of the people involved, at least it’s a whole lot more bearable if everyone involved is being a Nice, Good Member of that Society. You mentioned being worried about being treated like a “second rate citizen.” The fact of the matter is that when this was written, women were second rate citizens; that is the context in which Paul is writing. And while I firmly believe that that was wrong, in every sense of the word, Paul wasn’t especially concerned about challenging that aspect of society. Priority one was “Spread the Gospel” and Priority two was “Don’t Get Killed while Spreading the Gospel.” Speaking of Paul, let’s talk a little more about Saul of Tarsus, shall we? In all literary analysis, it is important to examine the author’s beliefs and what biases may have made their way into the work. And while we believe the bible to be a Holy Book, it can and should be subject to the same rules of literary analysis as non-religious texts. First, you must ask yourself, what do you believe about the bible? There are four general ways of looking at it (which are called Theories of Inspiration).

The bible is the Divine Word of God, dictated word for word across centuries directly to its human authors by God Himself.

The bible is the Divine Word of God, written across centuries by men Inspired by the Holy Spirit. While they are writing in their own words, this Inspiration means that the bible is Wholly Perfect with no errors.

The bible is the Divine Word of God, written across centuries by men Inspired by the Holy Spirit. However, because they are imperfect, fallible men, there is a possibility of errors in the text, both in the account of events that happened and in the teaching therein.

The bible is a collection of accounts written by men, with no Divine Intervention from God. It is not Holy, God’s Word, or Infallible.

I was raised to believe theory 2, but now I personally believe theory 3. And since I’m the author of this analysis, it is through the lens and bias of theory 3 that I now present my next point: Paul was sexist. I don’t think he was maliciously so (see again, Galatians 3, and the statement in Ephesians 5 that men should honor, cherish, and care for their wives), but he was a product of his time who had ingrained ideas about women and their place in society. This does not A) mean he was right about how women should act OR B) mean that we should toss out everything he had to say, about women or otherwise, because he was Problematic. Most biblical authors were, in fact, Problematic. Either by our modern standards, due to the time in which they lived, OR by the standards of their own time, because God liked to use Imperfect People (we’re all imperfect, but He liked particularly imperfect people) in His plans. David was an adulterer and murderer. Paul happily sent dozens of Christians to their deaths. Peter was hotheaded and super prejudiced against Gentiles and Samaritans. And most of them were, in one way or another, sexist, racist, and homophobic. These biases then found their way, intentionally or not, into their writings, and then other racist, sexist, homophobic men used those writings to justify systemic oppression of anyone who was not like them. Oppression that is not Christlike. So where does that leave us, in our 21st century application of scripture to our daily lives? We must examine how it was to be read at the time (which we have done), and then see what we can apply from it to our own lives. For myself in my marriage, I look again to the original grammar of Ephesians 5, that indicates the submission is to be mutual. I “submit” to my husband, and he “submits” to me. In other words, our relationship is built on Trust, Clear Communication, and Respect for one another. Sometimes we have to compromise, and I have to put aside my own desires for his sake, or he must set aside his own desires for my sake. It is a willingness to listen to one another, to approach conflicts with an open mind, to consider each other’s feelings before we speak. It is an equal, mutual submission based on love for each other, which doesn’t contradict what Paul says at all. God created all people to be equal. Humans are stupid sometimes and try to insist that we know better, try to create hierarchies and use the bible to try and justify that, but that doesn’t mean those humans are right. If your church is trying to make you feel less than because of your gender, or if you date somebody who pushes TradWife rhetoric and tries to use Ephesians as their justification, then you Run, and feel justified in doing so. (Especially if they also try to use Paul’s words to tell you why you owe your partner sex; see again, Paul was not only sexist but also lived in a patriarchal time when women were second class citizens that had very specific expectations placed on them AND he wasn’t even in a relationship himself, forgive me if I take his advice on my sex life with a grain of salt. Without doing this whole process again, a good modern reading of “don’t deprive one another” is “don’t use sex as a weapon in your relationship/withhold it for bs reasons when you’re mad at each other, etc. Like all other relationship things, sex (or a lack thereof) with your spouse should be based on mutual trust, communication, and love, not petty arguments or the standards of others.)

Trust me, as an ace woman myself, I totally get the fear. I’ve felt it myself, in the past. But God’s intentions for you are not that you become a doormat or servant to a man. If a romantic relationship (or any other partnership) is part of His plan for you, then the bible clearly states, both in Ephesians and elsewhere, that it should be one built on Love and Trust, not Subjugation and Servitude.

I hope this helped you, and again, sorry it was so long XD. Have an amazing day! <3

[beebthatscreams]

!!!! Okay so now that the essay has been demanded lemme tell y’all about ✨Daki✨.

Now it’s really easy, and unfortunately common, to look at her design then look at her age and cry Loli. I’m not going to say she isn’t an over sexualized child because she is. That’s the entire point of her character.

Daki is a child who is extremely over sexualized but not BY the story or writer, it’s IN the story. She’s not really supposed to be sexy to the audience despite her design but she is supposed to be attractive to the people in universe. Now since you could argue the target audience is teenage boys then maybe she’s supposed to be attractive to the audience but that’s kinda beside the point.

Daki is roughly 13 and either because of her power status as a demon the more adult form we’ve seen Nezuko use is the default for her, or she just looks rather mature for her age. The reason I wouldn’t say she looks 13 in universe to the other characters is no one questions her roll as the head of a bunch of prostitutes (that I remember). Even though her being that young and being in sex-work is possible, the position would be assumed to belong to a woman at least in her early 20’s. This is a very important part of her character, she looks older than she is and chooses to participate in an extremely sexual setting. The fact that this is all completely her choice is very important because thats where our first trope subversion comes in. Daki is actively trying to put herself in a more adult position in hopes it will make her more adult. It faces the problem of when children become immortal, what do they do with all this life experience but no development to go with it? They try to go up anyway.

Her relationship with Muzan is the second most important part of this. Daki before we know of how Muzan treats her seems to be trying to force growing up for personal reasons, but after we see the attention she gets it adds motive. Nothing makes us understand that Daki is a child more than Muzan’s manipulation of her. As the most powerful adult figure in her life it’s easy for her to entertain the delusion of him actually loving her. It makes her feel like she is an adult and has all this autonomy in the situation because she’s being acknowledged as mature by a power figure. He knows she’s young and knows she’ll be mentally a child for the rest of her demon life, and giving her the illusion he sees her as equal to the other moons keeps her obedient.

Now why would Gotouge use sexuality to illustrate that Daki is struggling with never developing and forcing herself to grow up? Well because it’s the easiest thing to go “a child should not be doing that” and her relationship with Muzan is a great representation of real life predators. There is a very real trend in the real world of young girls especially around Daki’s age desiring to be sexual and attractive and this comes from a few things. To simplify it we’ll say that it comes partially from learning about sex in general and reaching the part of physical development where that usually starts to become interesting, and partially from the expectation for girls to be women too early. I probably don’t need to tell you that societal standards paints only young women as attractive and paints “barely legal” as the absolute prime. Hardly ever giving the education for teenage girls who may desire sexual things that it’s normal and instead insisting that desire equals preparedness. Daki faces this on an extreme level because rather than just feeling like she should be an adult, she actually genuinely should be an adult. Growing up physically and mentally got stripped away from her by becoming a demon and she has to deal with getting all this time alive with no avenues to really mature in much more than surface mentality. While in real life young girls sexualizing themselves comes down to cultural failings, Daki genuinely has little other way to ever grow up. She understands in character that she should not be a head prostitute at 13 but what other extreme could she possibly reach? I would even argue she knows Muzan is predatory to her but the possibility of being treated as an adult woman by someone who knows her true age is so alluring to her she just doesn’t care.

[potteresque-ire]

Happy Pride! 🏳️‍🌈  (June is Pride Month where I am 😊) For the occasion, may I recommend this animated musical short, 秘密港 Safe Haven, by the Beijing Queer Chorus (北京酷兒合唱團)? Published on the International Day Against Homophobia, Transphobia and Biphobia (IDAHOBIT; May 17th, 2021),  the animation, with its lovely (and at times, heartbreaking) song, is about a queer person and their friend who tries to offer their support. The lyrics is English-subbed.

(Below the cut: a wish for the c-queer community; conception of Safe Haven, as explained by the Beijing Queer Chorus; CW/TW for homophobia, violence and forced abortion)

Background for my wish: with the recent Chinese government’s aggressive turnaround in its population control policy to combat its declining birth rate—on 2021/05/31, China further lifted the cap of number of children allowed per couple from 2 to 3 (the number was 1 for almost four decades, 1978-2015; the population control measure has therefore been colloquially called the “One Child Policy”), younger generations of Chinese are already feeling the pressure and fearing the consequences of non-compliance (for example, if the state levies heavy fines on non-child-bearers).   

While I have not yet read articles that directly connect the major policy shift with the c-queer community, I imagine it may bring both relief and additional challenges. The relief will likely take time to come; the challenges, meanwhile,  will likely be immediate. 

This has to do with the root of antagonism against homosexuality in Chinese societies. Unlike in their Western counterparts, Chinese queers have consistently reported that family, instead of societal, pressure as the greatest challenge they face (societal pressure includes that from religion, from government etc). C-queers are expected to abide to the heteronormative traditions of opposite-sex marriage and child-bearing, in a collectivistic, conformist environment still strongly influenced by the Confucian notion that continuing the bloodline is the primary responsibility of a filial child. Men, especially, are under heavy pressure to carry on their family surname. Those who fail to do so are seen as irresponsible at best, moral failures at worst. They suffer anything and everything from constant nagging from their relatives, to ostracisation, to disownment. 

A better known consequence of this cultural antagonism against homosexuality in the tragic Tongqi (同妻 “homo-wives”) phenomenon that is, perhaps, unique to China. 

Tongqi are straight women who unknowingly entered marriage with closeted gay man, who often learn about their spouse’s sexuality only after the filial obligation of having children has been fulfilled. It’s a form of marriage fraud; women who file for divorce, however, are likely to lose custody of their child(ren) under Chinese laws, and so many of them keep mum. The gay men involved are also victims in many cases; the lack of public, open education and discussion of queer topics in the country mean even the queers themselves may not have a full understanding of their own queerness, believe that “straightening” themselves is something they can do with sufficient willpower and love for their family. 

As one may expect, these marriages are mostly unsatisfying; psychiatric issues and intimate partner violence (IPV), which include verbal, emotional and physical abuse, have also been frequently reported. Just how prevalent are Tongqi’s in China that, in turn, reflect how many gay men in China are pressured to remain in the closet and get married? The following numbers may serve as comparison. In 2010, the percentage of gay men married to heterosexual women in the US was 15-25%. In China and in 2018, meanwhile, the reowned Chinese sexologist, sociologist and LGBT rights activist, Li Yinhe (李銀河), quoted an estimate of 80% of China’s ~ 20 million gay men were married to heterosexual wives; i.e. the Tongqi population amounted to ~16 million. Literature has reported a similar estimated size of the Tongqi population—at 13+ million, in 2016. 

(Reason for the numbers being estimates: the exact size of the c-queer community isn’t known. China’s decennial census questionnaire from late last year (2020) once again excluded questions about its own LGBT+ community. "Room mate” is how many c-queers have to refer to their partners).

While the Chinese government decriminalised homosexuality in 1997 and its current laws carry no clauses that target the queer community—the official stance of Chinese government on homosexuality is currently 不支持，不反對，不提倡 “not supporting, not opposing, not advocating”—what may seem to be its non-queer-related policies have indirectly but majorly impacted the lives of c-queers. In particular, the “One Child Policy” has been hypothesised to exacerbate the challenge faced by c-queers, as the only child becomes the sole “next generation” available for producing grandchildren and extending the family bloodline. 

Hence, my expectation / hope that the relaxation of "One Child Policy”, by lifting the cap on the number of children a couple can have, will bring relief to the LGBT+ population—even if the relief will only come years down the road, as the newer generations of c-queers will then have siblings to share their filial responsibilities. 

However, this also explains my worry for now, for the immediate months and years to come, for not only c-queers but the younger generations of Chinese in general. My worry is about how, exactly, the state intends to drive its birth rate upward, and the hardship the new policies may bring. 

The practices of China’s population control policies have historically been brutal. Forced, late-term abortions were common, for example. This is reflected in the country’s birth control propaganda banners, commonly seen in Chinese villages until late 2000s, which were infamous for their verbal violence:

“Beat it out! Abort it! Miscarry it! Just cannot give birth to it!”

Fines, which were levied on offenders of the One Child Policy, may seem like a better option but can place an unbearable burden on poorer families, of which there remain many in China. Premier Li Keqiang reported, in May 2020, that >40% of China’s population—600 million—are living with a monthly income of ~$140 USD or below, despite the glitz often seen in the country’s entertainment productions. Using One Child Policy era fines for reference, the famous Chinese director 張藝謀 Zhang Yimou was fined 7.48 million RMB (~$1.17 million USD) for his three children, in 2013. Defying the new population control policies may therefore be a privilege reserved for the very powerful and very rich. And the government is likely to be aggressive in enforcing its new policies—the social media accounts of > 20 feminist activists, who advocate for reproductive freedom among other women’s rights, have already been shut down in the recent weeks. 

Will the Chinese government find ways to penalise members of the queer community who do not contribute to the new baby count? Will it turn a blind(er) eye to the Tongqi 同妻 (and to a lesser extent, Tongfu 同夫 ~ heterosexual men married to lesbian women) tragedies happening every day? It’s impossible to say yet.

For this year, therefore, I wish the c-queer community this—I wish it to be safe from the reach of China’s population control policies, whatever they will be. 

Back to the animated short, Safe Haven, which is about coming out. In 2016, a 18,000 people survey by the United Nations Development Programme reported only 5% of Chinese queers had come out to people outside their families. Only 15% have come out to their families. A more recent survey reports a significant improvement in these percentages, with ~50% of gays, bisexuals and transgenders and 70% of lesbians having come out to their families (Table 2). Fully out queers remain rare (<10%).

There’s still, therefore, a long way to go. With queers often being out (if they’re out at all) only to their most immediate/intimate social circles, with the state’s censorship of LGBT+ presentation in visual media, many (especially older generations of) non-queers in China haven’t seen a living, breathing, outwardly queer person before. The process of coming out, by extension—what it means, what it takes for both the giver and receiver of the message—may have never entered the thoughts of these non-queers before.

What should they say? What should they do? What words and actions will convey support? What won’t?

Safe Haven is about these questions. I’ll end this post with a translation of the Weibo post in which the animated short was first published, in which Beijing Queer Chorus explained the project’s conception:

#517 IDAHOBIT# Do you remember how it was like, the first time you came out of the closet, or someone came out of the closet to you? Who was that person? What did you say at the time, and how did that person react?

The person who voluntarily exposes their heart requires courage. The person who receives the message may have their own heart filled with unease. 

Maybe, both are thinking: “What should I do?”

Coming out is such an important occasion. It can, perhaps, change a relationship forever.

Some will welcome warmth and hugs. Some others will get their first taste of homophobia. Yet some others will find neither.

After a queer person came out to their friend, they got, in return, “Don’t worry. I’ll still treat you as a friend.” It made them uncomfortable for a long time. But their straight family and friends didn’t understand. How could this be not a kind thing to say?

What is gay-friendly? What is homophobic? It appears that everyone has their own standards. The same words and behaviours transmit warmth to some, deep offence to others.

So, when we’re talking about “homophobia”, what are we talking about?

To commemorate this years #517 IDAHOBIT#, the Beijing Queer Chorus interviewed its tens of members and their relatives and friends, in hopes of investigating the difference in perspectives between homosexuals and straight people. How can this barrier be crossed, how can they work together to take care of the valuable relationships.

In the stories of all interviewees, a warmth like this can be felt: even with the risks, there remain those who are brave enough to display their true self; even with the misunderstandings, there remain those willing to keep the secrets of others, willing to learn to understand a whole new world.

We condensed these stories into an original, animated musical short, Safe Haven.

We hope every boat riding the winds and waves can find a harbour to unload their secrets. We also hope every person has enough gentle strength to be the safe haven for others. 

We offer our best wishes to every queer who lets their heart be seen ~ may your courage reap its rewards.

We thank every friend and family who have treated these hidden matters of the heart seriously. You make the world a better place.

[stillness-in-green]

they don’t see the Japanese fan talking about her hopes for the end of the series riding on her perception of Horikoshi as being relatively progressive and sensitive.

what kind of end is she hoping for?

She had observed that HeroAca had been good about delving into societal issues thus far, and she enjoyed seeing male and female characters getting along, so she hoped that the series wouldn’t have a forced hetero-romance ending–what I think Western fandom tends to call things like “timeskip marriage endings.”

This is something shonen-oriented properties (and not just them; we have ‘em here, too) have been doing for a long time, but discussion about it has been growing in Japan, along with the expected pushback from people accusing those who complain about it of being gross fujoshi(1)/strident feminists trying to force their BL pairings/radical views about women onto this innocent dude author just trying to write his story.

There are, of course, lots of reasons why someone might not want to see HeroAca end with timeskip romances. Sure, some might have BL pairings they prefer, but for myself, at least, I don’t want to see it because I don’t want to see any author who thinks relationship drama is too boring to bother giving it any screentime jam in relationships at the end anyway. That sort of thing treats women as little more than rewards for men to get at the end of the story, or like settling down is what you do after all the interesting parts of your life are over, and it’s regressive tripe. It seems women in Japan are getting more comfortable expressing that sentiment openly as well.

There are actually quite a few elements I’ve heard of Japanese people (fans and haters alike) pointing to as indicative of Horikoshi being relatively forward-thinking. Hit the jump for some brief, generalized musings.

So there are, of course, the obvious/big things, like that the series borrows elements from Western superhero comics (disliked by the hardcore nationalist types, who think it’s pandering to the U.S.), or that the Japan it portrays is a brightly colored dystopia with lagging regard for human rights (generally seen as a good portrayal of a bad thing).

Then there are the smaller things. For example, many Western fans point to Magne and Tiger as Bad Trans Representation because they’re seen as regressive stereotypes or jokes, and Magne is the series’s first named character death, in a much more gruesome display than the manga had tended to portray up to that point.

Conversely, some Japanese readers point to Magne and Tiger as Trans Visibility, and feel the manga is portraying trans characters in a positive light. After all, Tiger is a hero, and Magne’s embrace of her identity is something the manga goes out of its way to see her praised and even envied for. Horikoshi may have some outdated ideas of what trans people look like, but it does not seem to be the case that those designs are coming from a place of malice.(2)

Another thing I’ve heard is the matter of Jirou’s parents–specifically, the husband taking his wife’s name, rather than the other way around. The law in Japan states that married couples must have a single family name, but doesn’t specify that it must be the wife who takes the husband’s. Obviously, it’s by far the most common choice (96%!), but every so often, you do see the opposite–and because it’s so uncommon, it remains somewhat controversial.

My general impression of the Japanese fan response to HeroAca is that it’s much easier for them to see the broader societal scope of the work. While it’s obvious from the numbers that the hero kids are wildly more popular with, at least, the voting readership, you still get those discussions of the ways that e.g. while the villains are too extreme in their actions, they still have legitimate complaints that have to be reconciled(3) in order for the series and its world to reach a happy conclusion. Even the people involved in the work say similar things, like Uraraka’s voice actress talking about the upcoming events of the anime changing from being about justice versus evil into being a clash between two different ideas of justice, or Horikoshi himself talking about how Shigaraki will be the greatest challenge to Deku’s drive to save.

Meanwhile, here in the U.S., we’re still stuck with Hero Stans baldly misquoting a three and a half year old interview to say that Horikoshi himself says Shigaraki is too far gone to be saved while Villain Stans talk about the blatant, obvious injustices in the series as if they’ve unearthed some great mystery the author himself put in completely unintentionally.(4)

Anyway, disclaimer that I don’t read Japanese fluently, nor do I hang around in Japanese fan spaces on the regular, so take these viewpoints with a grain of salt; they are, after all, isolated opinions plucked with the randomness of what Twitter spits out in response to search terms, and there’s no guarantee that they represent a larger fan consensus. And Horikoshi is still a product of his culture, with all of the problems it very definitely has, particularly where rampant sexism is concerned, and of course people are allowed to talk about that, and be uncomfortable with it.

Still, I wish the tumblr fandom were a bit more willing to research and weigh cultural contexts outside of their own when talking about BNHA, rather than falling all over each other to judge the work and its author without even thinking about the lenses they themselves are bringing to the table--be it the most extreme of the Hero Stans' normalized views of state-funded police violence or the most extreme of the Villain Stains' dogmatic tumblr ethics that are still steeped in black and white moralism about who it's okay to bully/oppress/kill.

----

(1) You know, just in case you thought that fujoshi was an outdated smear word in Japan or think that people who try to explain to Western fans the word’s origins as a reclaimed insult are lying. No, it’s still in active use by the kinds of fandom 2channers who came up with it to begin with. The new one in their lexicon, which came up in the responses in question here, is fuemi (腐ェミ), a mashup of fujoshi and feminist, for double the derogatory scorn!

(2) Given that the trans community has been arguing against having to Perform Gender to an outsider’s specification in order to be accepted, I think Magne’s relatively butch presentation is just fine, but of course, I have my doubts that Horikoshi is all that up to date on gender presentation discourse. Still, her lips are the only thing I would change about her design, because they call to mind visual stereotypes about “gonk” characters who can certainly be noble or sympathetic, but can also be cheap comic relief–and as often much worse. On the other hand, Sato from Class 1-A has them, too, and the worst coding that commonality suggests is “underdeveloped,” so again, I don’t see maliciousness being a factor there.

(3) I wrote that Why Deku’s Ultimatum To Overhaul Is Bad post a while back? I’m pleased to note that I did have brought to my attention some similarly worded feelings from a Japanese fan: that Deku being unwilling to face Overhaul’s feelings while still demanding that Overhaul change them is not a good or heroic way to go about facing villains. A sentiment from a One Piece antagonist was referenced: “Justice doesn’t win; justice is whoever wins.” In other words, Deku was exhibiting a “might makes right” mentality, not at all in line with his desire to save. Likewise, there was another person who thought that trying to force Overhaul to change his feelings before letting him see his Pops was unlikely to work, and therefore just impractical. So, you know, it’s not just about saving the “villain trio” and calling it a day–even when the villain Deku’s facing is someone as loathsome to his sensibilities as Overhaul.

(4) I’m not immune to this, I’m sure–indeed, I hope I can look back on the series and see that some of my more extreme fears are/were unfounded and that my rants about Overhaul and the PLF mass arrests were premature. Still, I like to think I’m at least doing better than e.g. the people who think My Hero Academia demonizes the mentally ill because it portrays Twice as a criminal, without ever stopping to think about the likelihood that the circumstances of Jin’s turn to villainy are an intentionally portrayed flaw of Hero Society.

[katsuflossy]

A Doll’s Palace

Pairing: Hawks x Reader 

TW: Angst, Mentions of maternal death, death, yandere themes, mentions of societal female expectations

A/n:  If it wasn’t for Echo and Mix, would’ve been straight booty cheeks so omg thank y’all for helping me edit this to near perfection ❤❤❤

Taglist: @johariameil @iiminibattlehero @ecao @melanimed​ @mixfi​

Chastity, Purity, Demureness, Divine Feminity: They built your enamored status and innocence in the kingdom of Braavos. A pure noblewoman is seen as the most remarkable feminine icon in society, and you involuntarily became the symbol that many women hated and men looked up to. A curse, your father had called it, as the most beautiful of your family is always the earliest to go, right after birth. Since then, you’ve grown to embody your mother, a face he so loved, and swore on his life that you would never die from a soul exchange as your mother did.

But your marriage with Takami Keigo? A reality every hopeless romantic maiden could only experience through dream. . King ‘Hawks’ was preferred by his people, an esteemed man that led millions to victory in battle with wit and millions of hearts to burst using charm. You were one in a million, the heart that won the golden ticket to strike the hawk’s heart.

Too bad, the reality was shared another lucky heart.

Red silks tailored to your natural measurements; the powdered innocent blush on your face was paralleled to the floor as your brain overflowed with thoughts. Your hands twirled the parchment scroll in your palms, but your eyes remembered the exact words inked on the paper. They jumbled with the script you’ve repeated since the crack of dawn. Midoriya fluttered about the room, making the bed you just laid in and unclogging the once cold bathwater made for you to look more ‘youthful.’ A simple day in the Crystal Queen’s life.

“Izuku?” Your manservant ceased his movement, eagerly giving his attention to you.

“Yes, my Queen?” His eyes tried to reach yours; however, they remained on the paper within your hands, slightly crinkled from when your restraint broke.

“You would tell me when I am wrong” Your irises slowly slid to his frame; pupils almost swallowed into the depths of your eye color. A shiver ran down his back . “right?”

“Y-yes, my Queen.” He didn’t dare to flinch under your gaze, which stared at him longer than what was comfortable. You ended your stare by closing your eyes, giving him a wide smile before rising from your love seat, slipping the parchment in your sleeve. Your steps passed straight by his still frozen figure until they had reached the door frame.

“Midoriya, my faithful servant.” Your voice echoed through the room like a skillful siren. His attention remained on you as you continued to speak.

“I want you in the main dining hall by eight on the dot. Please don’t be late.” You left before he could properly bow at your command.

The barren halls laughed at you, pricking your mentality, forming pairs of figures every few columns you passed. A maid was pressed against the left column just a while ago, arms wrapped around the pale neck of your husband, his arms around her peasant waist.

The one you just passed? The same maid laid her hands on Keigo’s face, smoothing out his goatee’s hairs, and he allowed her to.

The entrance of the dining hall up ahead held your heart’s worst fear. An exchange of breath, love, and intimacy that should be sacred between those wedded. Your mind pictured the peacock vase at the entrance shattering on your behalf, impaling the two’s skin. The imaginary screams were like wine to your ears as you finally entered the hall.

The area was warmed by the marble light of the great chandelier,everything was covered with the golden gleam, hiding the little splatters of deep red in the floor. A mint haired maid captured your attention.

“Your Majesty? I apologize, but the dining room is not finished for tonight’s dinner.” Her brown eyes stared at you nervously; her chubby cheek showed where her teeth bit into its flesh.

“Oh, no worries, I am just looking for now.” The fake smile stuck itself to your face as you examined the long dining table. Only a handful of food were fixated on the top.

“You make excellent food here, Cara. What beautiful carvings in the baby carrots.” You quirked up, noticing she stiffed at your last words.

“Of course, my work is only done best for you, y-your Majesty.” Your practiced laugh came through the room, instilling superficial relief in the maid.

“But I must ask, are you eating some as you cook? You’ve gotten wider in the last months.” Your hand took her chin; curious eyes roamed her plump face as she blushed by the attention.

“Haha, y-yes, I’ve been eating a little more than usual.” Her gaze shuffled to anywhere but you. She was such a terrible liar.

“As long as you’re not eating for two.” You threw your head back; melodious laughter exhausted your stomach pit. Cara barely joined in with her nervous laughter, face breaking red in embarrassment.

“Did I hear my little bird’s beautiful laughter?” The kingly presence broke into the room. Which one? You kept your tongue as Keigo wrapped you into a kiss, which sadly set your heart on fire. Your lips separated, trained eye watching as his own sneakily trailed to the kitchen maid. Your smile dulled before brightening .

“My King, I have exciting news for you.” Your face snuggled into his palm on your cheek. Hawks eyes gleamed like the most gilded of plates.

“Hm? Well, love, don’t keep me on my toes. Let me hear it.” You relished in his arms wrapped around your midsection before pulling out of his embrace, bopping him on the nose.

“That’s the purpose.o keep you anxious until the grand reveal.” Your smile started to burn your cheeks as you watched the room’s bustle, preparing for a grand disaster.

Violins and Cellos played throughout the dining hall as the dinner began. The long table set with food separated you and Keigo, each taking the farthest end. Playful looks and banters were exchanged between the two as the servants lined against the walls, ready for even the most subtle commands. After laughing at one of Keigo’s pun, you clapped, drawing everyone’s attention.

“Well, it was all a joyous evening, but I must bring attention to the evening’s highlight: the surprise.” Hawks quirked up in curiosity. The rest of the maids and Midoriya exchanged curious glances but did not say a word. You rose from your seat, hand gliding across the table’s surface.

“As you know, I am a lady of chastity, not by will, but by curse.” Your steps drew closer to your king.

“My father wishes nothing of seeing me carrying a little one. You, my king, are a young man, one who’s drive is active. A man who wishes to grow old with children around as you said at our first ball.” You were only a mere meter away from his seated figure, close enough to watch his adam’s apple bob in nervousness.

“Yes? But my little bird, why is this such an important announcement.”

“Be patient, my love. I am getting to that.” You were half a meter away from him now; his brow held the slightest furrow in them. Cara shuffled in the corner of your eye.

“Well, I begged my father, being of a monogamous nation, and it was hard. Harems were long abandoned in the kingdom of Braavos, but I did it.” You pulled from your sleeves the parchment paper and gave it to Keigo, whose eyes were full of anxiety. He opened the scroll to read.

“In the Kingdom of Fukuoka, the King will have the privilege of a harem, up to 20 women. He will be able to officially appear with them at balls, sleep with them, and—” his eyes flicker to you with shock before rereading what was written. “—procreate with them.”

You smiled before pointing to the end of the paper.

“Only if the Queen, rightfully crowned and inaugurated, is given the parenthood of all children birthed by the harem. The Queen will also be able to have a harem of her own, whether sexually or not.”

Hawks’ wings rose, eyes looking at you in disbelief. You lifted his face close to yours.

“Don’t worry, love. I only have eyes for you. Though,what happened to equality and freedom? The two things you fight for?” Your eyes flickered to Cara, whose face was red with anger. Keigo already took the pen from your sleeves and signed the paper.

“S-stop! This law c-can’t pass !” Her voice broke the cheery atmosphere, riddling it with confusion. The maids began to whisper frantically. You rose a brow at her outburst.

“And why is that? You have no say in royal affairs, kitchen maid.” Her eyes began to water, falling down her fat cheeks onto her fabric.

“P-please, d-don’t take my baby.” The room fell deadly silent after her plea. You ripped your hands from Hawks’ body, face morphing in shock.

“What do you mean, ‘your baby’?” Your eyes turned to Hawks, who sat silent. You could see the gears turning in his head to construct a lie.

“Hawks. What does she mean ‘your baby’?” His gears steamed before stopping abruptly, giving up on filing an excuse. His hands reached out to hold you.

“I can explain.” You moved quickly out of his range before halting him in his tracks.

“You can explain? Do you know how embarrassing that is to me? If it’s true, you’ve been cheating on me for months! Knowing that I couldn’t even bear for you!” Your heart pained you as the night you found out, reliving the shock and betrayal over again.

You were breaking character. Taking a deep breath, you turned away from your husband, a tear slowly streaking your face.

“We’ll talk about this when there aren't any spectators. Cara, bring out the special wine I’ve asked you to make for the celebration. I hope you two are happy.” Cara still stood on the spot, by fear and resistance. You turned to her; wide eyes staring straight into her soul.

“Now.” She ran to the kitchen, hand over mouth to hide her whimpers.

“Midoriya, help the pregnant lady out. It’ll be a shame if she broke her back or something.” Midoriya jumped up, running in the same direction as Cara.

“(Y/n), let me explain please—”

“There is nothing to explain; just enjoy your wine and celebrate.” The bitter sarcasm rolling off your tongue in waves. Cara and Midoriya entered the hall. Her eyes strong with will and face wiped of tears. Midoriya poured the wine for Hawks, filling his chalice to the brim. The winged king sighed and took an immediate gulp. You immediately turned to Cara, your eyes evoking sadness.

“I can’t even be in the same place as you two right now.” You stormed out of the dining room, leaving only the sounds of your shoes hitting the floor.

The candle lights flickered as Hawks entered your shared bedroom, dressed and cleaned for bed. You sat on your loveseat from the afternoon, now twirling a diamond ring on your finger. As he stood in front of you, your eyes remained on your hand.

“My love please forgive m—”

“Why?” You looked up at him; pupils dilated.

“Why should I?” He stepped back, startled to see the pain he had inflicted on you. He stared into your wide eyes for a moment longer until he knelt down, knees touching the red carpet’s wool. His hands clasped your own stopping the continuous twirl of your marriage symbol before wetting his dry lips.

“For a young royal bachelor, I was loved by all types of power-hungry men and women; they flocked me with compliments, ideas, whispers, promises. But you, you were the one that saw who I was behind my status, a young boy who lost his parents. A coward put into the place of a king before he could even blink. You saw the real me, and still, you didn’t turn away. We both embrace our vulnerabilities from each other, and if—” His Adam's apple bobbed, throat restricting as a tear fell from his eye. You shuffled in discomfort, your own tears brimming at his speech.

“—if I could take back what I had done, I would do so immediately, within a heartbeat. But she bears my child, and I...I can’t leave it as my father left me.” His neck strained to look up at you, forcing himself not to choke down a cry.

You laid your other hand on his own. Your tears were staining your cheek as you nodded your head frantically, taking him in your arms. He pulled you into a kiss, minty breath intertwining with your own as the candle flames swayed with the emotions.

The scream you let out in the morning had maids and guards rushing to your room. King Takami Keigo was found dead after you both went to sleep. Few hours from the coroner revealed he died of poison.

You walked down the winding stairs of the dungeon with Midoriya by your side. The last cell held a meager amount of light, only showing the mint green hair of Cara. She jumped at the sounds of your footsteps. You ambled up until the bars could touch your toes.

“To kill your very own king is a crime punishable by death.” She wracked in the chains, trying to get closer to you.

���I didn’t kill him! I swear it wasn’t me!”

“It wasn’t you?” You took the chalice from Midoriya, holding it up to the ceiling as if you were inspecting it.

“This was the last thing he consumed before coming to bed, so the maids say.” Your eyes turned back to the ex-kitchen maid who burst into tears; head bowed in shame.

“Everything has pointed to you, but I understand. I’d kill if the love of my life betrayed me too. I’d use the same exact poison too, Aqua Tofana, the famous poison used by many hurt women to end their lovers.” Her head creaked back to your figure, eyes widening with the growing smirk on your face.

“Although the law states you should serve immediate death, I don’t want that precious baby to go along with you. It’s my last semblance of Keigo, after all. So, as Queen of Fukuoka, I have decided to spare you until the baby has been born. You will stay in this jail cell with ample nursing so my child will be born safe and healthy. That is all.”

You and Midoriya left the dark dungeon, Cara’s screams echoing through the hollow area. Your smirk never softening as you climbed up the stairs, hand still holding Keigo's chalice.

Midoriya laid anxious the whole time. After all, he was guilty of killing the king, adding the poison to the wine when Cara wasn’t looking. His silence finally broke.

“My Queen? Why did you make me...do that?” You halted your steps, pondering as you looked at the golden chalice.

“Keigo would’ve never loved me again. She gave him what I couldn’t, a child to love. He would’ve rather played father with an actual mother, a mother who’d know how to love a child. So I had to stop that before I lost my throne.” Your fingers skimmed the actual feather-covered by gold on the cup, feeling its ridges and bumps.

“Izuku?”

“Yes, my Queen?”

“You would tell me when I’m wrong, right?

“Yes, my Queen.”

[canyouhearthelight]

The Miys, Ch. 127

Annnnd a-one, and a-two, and a queue-queue-queue!

This chapter has one of my favorite things in the world to write - Interpersonal relationships (if you are surprised, I’m going to assume you are new here....).

Specifically, one of my biggest pet-peeves is when friends or siblings are written in a way that shows that the author doesn’t actually have any friends or siblings they are close enough to that all rules of societal politeness go whizzing into some far-off dimension as soon as they are in proximity.

When I get to write a chapter with such close friends/ersatz-siblings and also have @baelpenrose cackling and egging me on, it literally makes my whole day.

P.S: If anyone has wondered about the ages of the characters, several are clearly lined out in this chapter......

EDIT: Fixed some insane formatting issues.

“The food festival, Sophia? Really?” an incredulous voice asked before the door to my office even opened all the way.

I resisted the urge to scream, but did surrender to pinching the bridge of my nose and breathing slowly. “Hello, Arthur. Do come in. Long time no see.  Of course I’m not busy…” My one day each week to have a few hours to myself - no mentees, no assistant, even Tyche was off work….

“We saw each other last night when I came over for dinner after sparring with Conor, and  you’re never busy on Saturdays, Alistair makes sure of it.” He dragged a chair in front of my desk for what I felt was the sole purpose of putting his boots on my desk instead of the conference table.

“I thought you two didn’t even like each other, how did you - “

He waved a hand dismissively. “Enemy of my best friend’s enemy is my friend, that sort of thing. Anyway - “

“Did you just call me my own worst - “

“You are, let’s not pretend otherwise. Anyway.” Arthur arched an eyebrow at me and waited for any further objections, but I couldn’t think of any. “The Food Festival. It’s my one favorite tradition on this ship until armed combat becomes a spectator sport, and you are putting Parvati and Hannah in charge of it?”

After a beat pause to make sure he was done, I glared at him. “Everyone has asked me that, and I don’t understand the issue.  They’ve both helped in the past, even before they started training to replace me.  I’ve handed more and more off to them each time, and they did great! Plus, they have three months, it will be fi - Wait, why do you even care, Arthur?”

He held up one finger with the authority of a deity who would have smited me if he could. “One, Parvati Fletcher does not like mapo tofu. You do. Specifically, you like it from that one vendor who grows her own Sichuan peppercorns and uses them like they are an infinite resource. Two, I spend entirely too much time working with Zach Khan, and he won’t shut up about how stressed Hannah is. Three - “ I was seriously starting to get concerned he actually could smite me at this point - “As much as I love you in the most platonic way possible, you are an obsessive, compulsive perfectionist who insists on doing everything herself and running herself into the ground so that everyone else has the time of their lives. So why are you trusting this, the largest and oldest event on the Ark, entirely to other people?” Dropping his boots from the desk, he leaned forward, palms down until we were nearly nose to nose.

“Sophia Reid, I swear on any god I can kill if you are dying…”

“WHAT!?” I squawked, jerking back and standing so fast I knocked my chair over. “For the love of little fish, I’m not dying! I haven’t had a near death experience in four years, thank you.”

“Three, not counting the fact that there is a reason Alistair makes you drink anything through a straw anymore.”

“How did - Nevermind.” I shook my head and tried to focus on the topic at hand. “No, I’m not dying. Nor am I injured, having a midlife crisis, rethinking my life choices any more than I ever do, or so much as in possession of a stuffy nose.” Taking a deep breath, I rolled my eyes and started counting off before I could stop myself. “Conor and Maverick and I are fine. No, I’m not arguing with Tyche again. Yes, I’m still going to therapy. Else is fine. No new sentient plagues or rogue cult leaders that I’m aware of. Nor have I become immortal, queen of the universe, savior of humanity, pregnant by Noah, or possessed.” Carefully, I picked my chair back up and sat down.

“Good...to… know?” He gave me a funny look. “Who asked the most disturbing one?”

“Immortal or Savior of Humanity?” I asked for clarification. “Those were Maverick and Derek, respectively.”

The look only got worse. “I meant ‘pregnant by Noah’, but fascinating to see where your priorities lie….?”

“Oh. That was Charly.”

“Dammit,” he swore softly. “I had her pegged for ‘possessed’.”

“I’m pretty sure she is, but the suggestion that I am came from Tyche, on no fewer than 3 occasions, by 4 different entities. She seemed pretty hopeful that Else was potentially mind-controlling me in an effort to make me take a nap,” I admitted.

“That tracks.” A nod of approval prefaced the question I had been avoiding - successfully, thus far, I might add. “Now that you’ve ruled out every possible plausible reason that you would entrust this to literally anyone other than a clone of yourself, why?”

“Why what?” My face was composed in an expression of innocence so convincing that I probably deserved an Oscar.

“I can and will convince Charly to turn all your coffee to decaf, so help me, Sophia.”

Realizing that he was, legitimately, worried about me and at the limits of his usually-impressive patience, I held up my hands in surrender. “Fine. You get the scoop.  Please record this and send me the loop, so I can just flick it at people who ask, please?” When he nodded, I exhaled slowly.  “It is no secret to anyone that I never wanted this job. I made the mistake of establishing the Food Festival, which as you point out is the largest event of the cycle on the Ark - the last three years, literally everyone attended in some capacity.” When he opened his mouth to argue, I held up a hand to stop him. “Don’t get me wrong. I love the Festival. What basically started out as a potluck because we were homesick and needed to meet - you know, the rest of humanity - is a huge, three day holiday.  It’s amazing!” I spun in my chair, arms flung wide for emphasis, before stopping to face him. 

“It also consumes my life, for months, to prepare for.  And that’s just implementing changes to make it more accessible so people don’t miss out! That doesn’t include adding things to make it more interesting or keep it from getting boring, or whatever. I literally don’t have time to do any of that!”

“So, you’re inflicting this on them instead?”

“Inflicting?” I snorted.  “Hardly. This is their final exam, their capstone project, their dissertation.  If they pull this off, I will gladly hand the entire office over to whoever is elected, cheerfully and knowing the Ark is in good hands.  But, they have to pull this off.  It’s the only major part of being Councilor of Resources and Relations that they haven’t done yet by themselves.”

He rubbed his face, looking somewhat impressed. “That’s honestly not what I was expecting.”

“I don’t think it ever is, honestly.” I shrugged at the question he glanced towards me. “For Evan, it was coordinating the weapons exhibitions.  Charly managed to pre-empt her own by designing more efficient aqueducts and filtration for when we reach Von - you know, the ones that also produce light?”

“Of course she would invent glow-in-the-dark plumbing. Who else?” Something caught up with him. “Evania Josue got away with planning an event? Seriously?”

“Oh, that’s right… you weren’t on Level One…” I murmured. When he only looked more confused, I clarified. “She was Maverick’s co-pilot when we needed people to pilot the Ark, which was not designed to pilot manually, via dead reckoning, using cameras pointed out the few viewports we have, for several weeks after the sensors were sabotaged.”

“She was whose co-pilot?”

“You really never heard this story? You practically live with seven people who were there…”

“Usually I get the bits about ‘Sophia nearly got her brains bashed out’ and ‘that traitorous bitch’, then start tuning out while I try to decide what it would take to get Charly to teach me necromancy… If Evan was the co-pilot, then why is Maverick….”

“Not in line to replace any Councilors? Arthur, we know that would be a disaster for him.”

He nodded reluctantly. “Your younger partner is a nice boy.”

“For fuck’s sake, he’s thirty seven!” I groaned.

“Nice man, whatever,” he waved off. “Which is exactly what I would like for you as a partner. You need nice partners, and blunt siblings. But I see what you mean about him being a Councilor… he’d be miserable.”

“What was yours?” I asked mischievously, dropping my chin onto my hands.

That earned me a flat stare, until he finally surrendered when I didn’t flinch. “The Twentieth/Early Twenty First History curriculum.”

“Seriously?” That had literally been the first thing he had done when Eino tapped him as a possible successor.

“I didn’t budge on points even he admitted he would have, out of fear of offending people.”

“Which is a fear you very much lack,” I pointed out.

“The truth is the truth. Coating it in sugar only makes it taste worse.” He shrugged nonchalantly before suddenly looking dangerously like he was thinking again. “There’s two of them.”

“Yes, Arthur. Hanna and Paravati are, in fact, two distinct and separate women-type-lady-people.”

“Thank you, Fee, I was well aware.” I suppressed a growl at the nickname - he knew I hated it. “I meant, only one can win the election, smartass.”

“Better to be a smartass than a dumbass,” I muttered.

“Sophia, you are forty five. Please grow up just a hair?”

“Tyche doesn’t want to be HR forever, you know.”

That brought his mind to a visibly screeching halt. “Wait, what?”

“What what?” I asked. “She does it because she is phenomenal at it, but it isn’t her passion.  She only stuck around as long as she did to make sure I didn’t trip over a chair and brain myself while I was at work.  When I’m gone, she’s gone, loser take the spoils.”

He whistled softly before shaking his head. “It’s bizarre to think of you two retiring around the same time I’m just starting the position.”

“I’ll have been a Councilor for a decade when I step down,” I pointed out.  I almost included unless I die first, but that never seemed to be as funny as I thought it was.

“But you aren’t that much older than me,” he sighed dramatically. “Anti-aging technology is frustrating.”

“Annnnd this is a natural extension of your career, with a ten year break thereabouts the middle.”  My grin was so bright it made him scowl before I finally got a begrudging smile.  “Think of it as getting elected head of the school board.”

The groan he let out probably echoed for several levels throughout the ship. I had basically just pointed out that he was becoming that which he most hated.

Or not. He seemed to recover with a gleam in his eye. “Pfft. Dean of Students, at the very least.”

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[creepy-spooghetti]

Hi! Good whatever-time-of-day-it-is-for-you!

If you‘re okay with it, I‘d like to ask for a matchup ^^

I‘m a 18 years old female, about 171 cm tall and have a rather athletic build. I‘m probably at about 22% body fat and am working on lowering that to about 18%. I have brown eyes and long, dark blonde hair. The thing I like most about myself are most definitely my eyelashes (dark and long) and my arms.

So much for the physical part.

As for my personality, I‘m currently at a point, where I have to figure out again who I am. Over the last few years I‘ve forced myself to submit to expectations of other people around me. Get good grades, lose weight, always be productive. And now that I have reached pretty much all „my“ goals I realized how meaningless they are to me.

The only good they now do is that they give me a good foundation to actually be myself again.

I love the feeling of freedom. Being able to do whatever you want to, being able to not do whatever you don’t want to do. I‘m a dreamer, love to write and trying to express feelings. Ironically enough, I‘m still not good at showing when I‘m hurt. What I am good at though is comforting others: my friends tell me that I practically radiate security, trustworthiness and kindness. My parents say that I‘m reliable, intelligent, disciplined. I have no idea if it’s true, but there must be something to it, because I make friends easily and people quickly tell me about what worries them, what they fear, bad experiences. I also have a cat, which is probably my biggest emotional support.

But then there’s this other side of me. Due to extreme childhood trauma, I still deal with anger issues, hallucinations and depression. While I‘m pretty disciplined now, a few years ago it was normal for me to beat my classmates up (which of course resulted in bullying, which made my anger issues more severe,… and so on). By now I just do Karate to be able to take some of that wrath out.

I‘ve also became more quiet in the past few years. More sad. But that’s also not me. I want to use my freedom, gained from my driving license, gained from my graduation, gained by overcoming attachment issues. I‘m lighthearted. I walk towards people with the expectation of liking them. I can forgive, am empathetic - and I want to be like that towards myself now too, even if I still have to practice. Just like I have to practice trusting other people again.

Aside from that, I love philosophy - science in general (especially psychology and neurosciences though). I‘m also interested in politics: not because I want to be right, but because I want to help as many people as I possibly can - and try to protect nature. And if there is one thing I‘m sure of about my personality - it’s my curiosity. I want to know. Know everything. Search for the line beyond which human understanding cannot reach.

I‘m sorry for any grammatical errors (English is not my first language) and about how much of a mess this is. But at least it represents the chaos in my mind at the moment.

Thank you in advance!

(And I really like your style of writing :3)

Have a great day, I hope you enjoy this even though it's late~

I match you with...

Helen!

If there is anything that Helen understands, it's being held to high expectations. All throughout his childhood and his early teen years, he was forced to eat little to maintain an "acceptable" weight, upheld to a certain reputation, had to do particular activities that he just didn't want to be any part of, and that was all due to the fact that his parents didn't want him, not really. They wanted a daughter, not a son, which is why he had to succumb to nearly impossible societal standards that typically only women must endeavor.

He supports you fully in your journey of self-discovery and spiritual satisfaction and will assist in any possible way that he can manage. He's so happy that you've realized that you can be your own person and don't have to be someone others control. He had to figure out who he was too, after all - it's a topic that's rather familiar to him. But you certainly don't have to go through this alone like he did.

This may not come as a surprise, but Helen is a pretty big dreamer, himself. Actually - a lot of his inspiration surfaces from his imagination. He's happy that you enjoy writing, because he does, too! Creativity is one of the most attractive traits in his eyes, and he will read whatever you may write (if you will let him, of course!) and give you his thoughts and praises on it. Sometimes, the two of you sit down in his room and he goes about painting while you write or anything else silently, and he loves it. Your very presence is calming to him, and he just finds it easier to concentrate if you're in close proximity to him.

It's no secret that Helen is a naturally shy and anxious person, and he was hesitant to let you in at first. But once you had somewhat of a friendly relationship established, he crumbled under your sweet words of reassurance and opened up about his past, his insecurities, his interests, etc., and he wouldn't have done this if you didn't have his complete trust. Your consoling, motherly nature is something he finds so endearing, and he feels he can come to you for anything - he can only hope you feel the same about him.

Helen has never really been a cat person, but he gets along surprisingly well with yours! He'll even let it sleep on his lap while he reads a book and absentmindedly strokes its head. Funnily enough, his ferret likes your cat too, but then again, she is a rather curious thing, so she probably doesn't know any better.

He sympathizes with your inner turmoil and frequently offers to be your vent, your shoulder to cry on should you need one, as the last thing he wants is for you to keep all of your negative emotions bottled up inside of you before they inevitably explode. He's also asked if you'd like him to train with you to provide emotional support and suggested some alternative techniques to expressing your anger in healthy ways. He's told you about his method, which often includes either writing in a journal or making his feelings come alive with some paint, brushes, and a canvas. It always makes him feel better.

If you will let him, he will trek to the ends of the earth with you to help you satisfy your curiosity, and enjoys your endless questions as well as when you voice your most guarded thoughts to him. It makes him feel special, that you share what you're feeling, what you're thinking, with him. He would dive into the deepest searches by your side to uncover life's biggest questions with you and would do so with an excited smile on his face. He craves to see you joyful about something, anything, and it brightens his day.

Helen isn't extremely physically affectionate, but he likes to play with your hair and kiss the top of your head softly. He thinks you're beautiful, inside and out, despite the demons that you're fighting with, and would go to any length to prove it. 

[lunar-writings-love]

College!AU - Hongjoong (ateez)

ahaha so i’m baaaack ;; super sorry for all the inactivity babes life has been weighing down on all of us i’m sure and i needed some time! This is the next installment of the college!au ateez series, and although i had planned to have hongjoong last, y’all requested him so much i wrote him next and changed the order around! 

Author’s note: Bullet fic, 

Warnings: like a drop of angst if u squint ?? the word sh!t appears one time i think

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hongjoong:

he’s so cute i’m Sad

ok so Joongie is just so loved, so treasured by everyone ,, every time he enters into a room everyone just 🥺

he’ll walk into a room looking all sleepy in overalls or something and literally everyone’s parental instincts awaken from the depths of college emotional indifference and suddenly ,, 

there’s world peace it’s a sight to see 

so, our Hongjoongie is actually a double major!! 

he’s a world lit major, and he’s minoring in gender studies so his emphasis is on analyzing feminist texts 

more often than not, the best way to find hongjoong is to just go to the library on the south side of campus at odd hours at night and you’ll usually find him buried underneath a pile of books ;; (and more often than not he’ll also be sleeping because baby can’t stay awake to save his life ://) 

But he really does love his major ,, and If u let him ,  he’ll rave hours and hours about literature; analyzing them through historical context, societal reflection, the role of women, writing style..... 

....he just loves what he does and it makes everyone around him love him for it too!! 

He always has extensive talks with Yeosang (an english major who took a lot of lit classes with hongjoong hint go read the yeosang!au) on american 19th century feminist writings

they started their own book club and it’s literally just them two, no other members allowed, and all they do is eat finger sandwiches and shit on misogynistic men we sTAN

HoWEVer, although hongjoong’s work in literature is impressive and respected, he’s probably better known for his second major: 

music composition!

music is the love of his life ,,, no buts there’s nothing he’ll love more than his art (except maybe you aha ha ha ;)

and people knew him around campus becaaaauseeeeee ,,,,, he would usually ,,, dj at frat parties... 

it wasn’t something he particularly liked, but hey money is money.

in all seriousness though, when hongjoong wasn’t reading or writing papers, he was glued to his mac producing tracks and writing lyrics 

the only thing was ,,, he didn’t actually sing any of what he wrote 

he never thought his own voice suited his songs, and would much rather sit on the sidelines moving along the creative direction 

and although the boys usually are the ones to sing his demos,, joongie always felt like something was still ,,, missing 

this is where u come in wink wonk 

you’re just a lowly econ major who surprisingly !! doesn’t !! want !! to start your own fortune 500 company :DD !! wow so rare :) 

anYWaYS,, you’re just doing it cuz your parents pressured you into pursuing a career with stable job opportunities and you’re kinda good at math and graphs soooo 

....why not 

but to be honest, you always felt trapped 

you were never able to stop that feeling of impending doom when you’d open your macro-econ textbooks ,,,

or how your heart hurt when you think about the fact that your life is headed straight to an incredibly mundane future :

a desk job, an overpriced apartment that barely has enough room for you, living in constant air pollution from the city’s high carbon emissions, never finding true love, dying alone with 50 cats,  taxes...you get the drift

you usually pushed those thoughts to the back of your mind, negativity isn’t productive and right now you had a world economics midterm to study for

but..

not that you’d ever admit it, your true passion had always been music 

you weren’t the best composer, you knew just enough piano to get you but; but you had a set of PIPES dAmN

your friends could usually find you at the dorm’s music rooms ,, and whenever you felt stress or needed to unwind, you’d usually head over to those rooms

now ,,, these rooms are soundproof // but the trick is you actually have to close the door cuz if u don’t......

everyone can hear you 

and by everyone I mean the entire floor

you were doing your usual thing at the music room one night when one of your friends came in to let you know everyone would be heading over to dinner soon,, u promised only one more song before meeting them upstairs on your dorm floor 

hoWEVeR, U DIDN’T REALIZE THAT WHEN YOUR FRIEND WALKED AWAY THEY LEFT THE DOOR OPEN 

and soo ,, when u started singing again  //// everyone heard 

and by everyone i mean ???!?

hongjoong :))

and it was love at first sight ,,, or rather 

,, love at first listen??

he won’t ponder over the semantics, all Hongjoong knew was that he had been looking for a voice like yours and needed you on his tracks 

this man barged into the room and begged you to lend your voice for his songs 

...on his knees :00

you were in shock like what were you supposed to do?

this random man stormed in and got on his knees ,, 

what was next ??

marriage ????

u didn’t really say anything for a while just kinda looked him in his eyes 

but then your uwu instincts kicked in--u don’t know what it is about this dude but u just wanna like give him candy or something 

and so you hesitantly asked for his name 

and that’s when hongjoong realized he was an IDIOT 

because not only was your voice heavenly, but of course you were cute too and he just presented himself like a complete and utter maniac and He Didn’T eVEN bOTHER To TelL You hIS NAme!

he wanted the ground to swallow him up but alas 

he got off his knees and shyly stuck out his hand and told you his name 

you looked at him once again ,, and surprisingly 

you took his hand with a small smile on your face 

you ended up totally forgetting about dinner with your friends at the dining hall 

because hongjoong sat beside you on the piano bench and showed you his songs and lyrics, and you....fell in love <3

you’d never connected with anyone on this type of emotional level before and it was almost sort of overwhelming 

it also kinda gave you hope too ,, because here was Hongjoong ,, someone who managed to get the best of both worlds : a music and a lit degree

and you thought that maybe ,, you could do something with music too 

you guys exchanged numbers and scheduled to meet at the university’s recording studio that weekend 

Hongjoong composed a track and you added your own lyrics with his help--after two weeks of mixing, mastering, producing, and recording ,,, you guys officially released a single!!

you really weren’t expecting it, but hongjoong was a bit of a social butterfly and so the song became a hit on campus 

people were uploading it to their social media, sharing it with friends, playing it while they worked out, it was kinda ridiculous to you 

the student paper even wrote an article about it (and later you found out that the journalist was one of hongjoong’s friend’s girlfriend ,, (hint go read the yunho!au)

And when the song reached 10,000 streams, that gave you the confidence to do what you had always wanted to do 

you called your parents up on a Saturday morning to tell them you were picking up a vocal performance major 

you were extremely anxious for this conversation, so Hongjoong decided to stay by your side for moral support 

As both of you waited with baited breath for your parents’ response, Hongjoong was also right there just ,, holding your hand so sweetly,, and that was driving YOU INSANE 

(because in these past couple of months you had gotten to know Hongjoong you had mostly definitely, absolutely, completely fallen head over heels for him)  

after a long moment of silence, your parents agreed 

they weren’t too happy about it, but they also weren’t as against it as you thought they’d be--the only condition was that you’d continue with econ and instead double major 

it would honestly be hard considering the amount of mandatory classes and performances required of the vocal performance major, but you were too happy to care 

after your goodbyes with your parents, you looked over to Hongjoong with the biggest smile on your face 

and it just,, absolutely melted his heart 

before he could stop himself he just wrapped his arms around you and twirled you around

and then :) he gave you the softest kiss on your cheek 

of course, after it dawned on him what he had done, he instantly turned red and started chucking nervously as he stuttered his words 

but for you, the newfound confidence and ADRENALINE after your successful phone call with your parents, you grabbed both sides of his face and asked him if you could kiss him 

Hongjoong was wide-eyed but LIKE HELL he would pass up this up 

so after muttering out a shy yes, y’all kissed awwww :))

and after that, you guys became a couple! 

you’d show up to the frat parties he would DJ at and would always dance like an idiot with wooyoung in the corner of the room 

and you and hongjoong would always partner up for music composition and performance projects: Hongjoong would write the tracks and you’d sing for them

you guys were honestly such a soft couple 

you also picked up the habit of studying sleeping at the library with hongjoong because double majoring was hard and it required a lot of work

and it just, now became a thing for people to always find you along with Hongjoong sleeping under a pile of books 

you guys kept on releasing more singles after that, and are currently working on an EP!

and honestly, you were so incredibly happy 

you had the most amazing boyfriend, and you were pursuing your passion 

and you felt just a little bit better knowing that your future was unclear

you no longer pictured yourself at a desk job, living out an absolutely dreadful life 

instead, you finally realized the multitude of opportunities at your disposal

and with Hongjoong by your side, you just knew everything in life would work out in the end!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

FEEL FREE TO REQUEST!

Love you guys! Stay safe and healthy!!

- Luna

[biggirllifestyle]

Ducks in the pond.

Summary: Being friends from the beginning does get its perks, but it's also such a heartbreaking scene when you’re a background character or so you think.

Pairing: Ransom Drysdale x OFC(Original Female Character)

Word Count: 4k+

Warnings: Small cursing, this got away from me so sorry.

A/N: I found my next victim Chris Evan characters, I’ll do better I swear.

Being surrounded by the elite is not something many can say they have experienced especially if it’s something you have been doing since a very young age when you were not even part of that social group. My mother did not come from a wealthy background, she didn’t come to the country with any knowledge of the language and without a penny in her pocket but thanks to a faithful day where she had met Harlan, he had offered a helping hand for my mother and from there on she became his lived in housekeeper.

The first time I ever met Ransom I couldn’t say that I wasn't tempted to punch him in the face, we were children when we met and everything that came out of his mouth was rude and condescending. Ransom was older than I and I knew he was Harlan's favorite and least favorite grandson, he was a rude snotty kid who used to pull on Megs and I’s pigtails every time he could get away with it.

I didn't know when it started but at some point, Ransom began to follow me around never leaving my side, I think it began the day that I finally gave in to my urges and punched his perfectly handsome face. My mom was mortified when she found out what I had done, Ransom's mother Linda was pissed and had demanded her father to fire my mother as a repercussion for what I had done but instead, he laughed and I had to apologize begrudgingly to him and from then on I had my shadow. That was how it was for the next few years, him following me around until we became inseparable, we were still coming from polar opposite sides of the societal spectrum even if he never treated me any differently from his rich friends.

While he was out partying with his private school friends I was working part-time jobs and doing homework to pay off my tuition, Harlan had offered many times to pay off school as a thank you to my mother's service through the years but I never accepted feeling guilt at his kind offer. There were times when my friendship with Ransom was tested as his rich dick persona would come out and he would sometimes disrespect my lack of social standings when he would hang out with his friends, I always hated that side of ransom because I knew that the words that he said were partially true, we were from different backgrounds his way of living was different from mine where I was dressed from thrift stores and low-grade shopping centers he was dressed to Gucci and Balenciaga but that didn’t seem to matter to him.

The only times that any of those comments bothered me was when it came from Ransom's weekly conquest, they were all beautiful women who seemed to have walked out of a photoshoot they were all thin and beautiful women who just oozed money from their pores if they even had pores since all of them seemed to be flawless. I always wondered what it was that I did for Ransom to be so faithful to our friendship never once did I have to compete with others because, in the end, he would always choose me this was also another reason why his conquest didn’t last long since their cruel remarks on my appearance and social standing was an ending point on the relationship, maybe it was the fact that I was always the one who saved him from doing something stupid like getting kicked out of his family or him ending up killing his grandfather.

Things changed when Ransom left for college he had gotten accepted to Princeton and off he went, our communication was limited since he was always so busy with school and me with my part-time jobs. I had forgone going to college to stay close to my mother and in the process, Harlan had offered me a small position in his publishing company which his son Walt was not too happy about. Everything was going well for me. I was living an adequate life. I had finally moved out and gotten my apartment, my work was going great and I had finally made some great friends.  Ransom seemed to be doing well as he was passing all of his classes, he even became friends with his dorm mate, which he was forced to have if he wanted Linda and Richard to keep paying his tuition.

Everything was going well for both of us. Our friendship was thriving through the long-distance even if I was hiding a deep dark secret from him, the fact that I have been in love with him for a long time now. This has been a raging issue that I had been hiding for such a long time but I never thought of doing anything about it since most of the time I was fine with being his best friend, I relied this to Claire my friend from work after I hanged up on Ransom on our call of the week.

“That is the saddest and dumbest thing that I have ever heard,” Claire said as she sipped on her wine, “and I am saying this with a lot of love but if you don’t feel like it would work between you two maybe you should try to give yourself a chance with someone else.” I turned back towards her as I took out the popcorn from the microwave, she made a shrugging gesture before turning on the tv.

“I am just saying Eric from accounting seems to be interested in going out with you, and hey I haven’t heard anything shifty about him from anybody else.” She browsed through a few movies before finally choosing one. I sat next to her setting down the bowl of popcorn in front of us as we settled down, “I’m just saying we big girls deserve some love so if that means you having to go on a date with a guy just so you could be able to get over your childhood friend, then so be it.”

I couldn’t help but think over what Claire said and I knew she wasn't wrong but a small part of me still wished that maybe Ransom felt just a little of that love that I felt for him but I knew it was probably a far cry, so I gave Claire a nod agreeing for her to set me up with Eric she squealed before reaching for her phone as she started texting someone after a few moments she put her phone down and mine began to go with off, it was Eric I gave a panicked look to Claire who just shrugged I sighed before answering.

“Hi, Eric how can I help you?” I said acting dumb, Claire swatted at my arm but I hit her back focusing on Eric who seemed to be having a conversation of his own.

“Yeah I heard from someone that you wanted to go out, and well I just wanted to know if the upcoming Friday was good for you I know this great Italian place that just opened up we could go after work if that works for you,” I was about to respond but I felt my phone going off again I pulled it away seeing Ransoms name on the screen, I debated on answering before ignoring it and returning with Eric.

“Friday sounds great”

After hanging up with Eric, Claire and I continued our movie before she had to start heading home as soon as she was gone I began to tidy up, after ignoring Ransom's call I thought about my friendship with a man who looked for the very best for his life. At some point, I had silenced my phone in the chance that if Eric were to send me a text I could just use the excuse of not answering, and that is how I had left it as I went to sleep since tomorrow started our winter break so there was nothing I had to worry about so with that thought I went to bed.

When morning came I finally had the chance to finally take a break and just lay in bed, everything was silent no noise whatsoever just the random drive of cars on the street and that was it after a while I finally got myself ready to get out of bed reaching for my phone I noticed that Ransom had called me nine more times leaving enough text messages that I worried that something might have happened. Dialing his phone as I began to get ready just in the chance if I had to rush out at any moment to meet him after the second ring he finally answered.

“Where have you been? I’ve been calling you all night do you know how worried I was,” Ransom said as he began to chastise me, I couldn’t believe he was doing this after we had talked before he started calling me liked a maniac I was about to tell him off and let him know that I didn’t think very highly of his little outburst before he stopped, “Now ducky this is what’s going to happen do you hear me your gonna finish getting ready, put your shoes on and come outside so we can go eat some breakfast do you hear me.”

I huffed out at him but did as he said as I finished getting ready, Ransom always did this ordered me around expecting me to follow his every whim without any form of repercussion from my part but I knew I would never really fight Ransom since all in all I was his only true friend. After finishing getting ready I rushed out of my apartment locking behind me before taking the stairs two at a time I soon as I got to the lobby I couldn’t help but take a small breath the small exertion from my actions after composing myself I walked out seeing Ransom's car, I couldn’t help the giddiness that came over me this would be the first time I would be seeing him after his no show for Thanksgiving so I was very excited to see him again as I got closer to his car ready to greet him excitedly I couldn’t help but notice that he wasn’t alone.

“Ducky it’s so good to see you I missed your pretty face,” Ransom said as he stepped forward to hug me but a hand stopped him from moving forward as I was left standing awkwardly from where I stepped forward to meet him, his companion stepped forward putting out a slender and manicured hand so I could shake.

“Hi, nice to meet you. I'm Caroline, Ransom's girlfriend, you must be the friend.” The way she said the word friend made me flush entirely it sounded so mocking when it came from her but I ignored it as I gave her a small smile. Ransom was watching our interaction before clapping his hands together, “Right so let's be on our way then.”

He walked over to the driver's side as he got in Caroline opened the passenger door and motioned me to get in first, I couldn’t help but look at her with a questioning look, Ransom seemed to have caught on to what she was trying to do as he motioned towards Caroline, “Caroline maybe you should ride in the back that way I can also have time to catch up with Ducky.”

Caroline huffed and crossed her arms like a child, the words that came out of her mouth made me feel so shameful I wanted the floor to swallow me whole, “I think she can fit in the back if we push the seats all the way forward I mean I wouldn’t mind moving it since I don't take up much space.” Ransom was about to protest against her but I moved forward pushing the seat forward as much as I could so I could squeeze myself through.

“It’s fine don’t worry about it, this might be the only opportunity I might have to feel as if I’m being abducted or something,” I joked as I positioned myself into the tight space of the back, Caroline seemed smug by her win as she got into the passenger seat Ransom turned to look at me as I avoided his gaze as I looked down at my phone he turned back around as he started the car, the drive to the restaurant was quite from Ransom and I’s point Caroline was going off about some friends of her who were currently on a break or something of that sorts.

When we arrived at the dinner I couldn’t help but feel a sense of calm, this was Ransom’s and I’s regular place we used to go to back when we were in high school, I used to work part-time here and sometimes he visited me as I sneaked him fries when I could. Ransom looked back at me with a soft smile I couldn’t help but to return until I heard a scoff Caroline seemed to not like our choice of location and she seemed to want to protest but Ransom ignored it and got out coming to her side as she opened the door for her, that seemed to placate her as she took his hand to get out. I huffed out a little breath as I began the agonizing task of getting out of the car without making too much ruckus where I would be noticed, when I finally got out I noticed that Ransom and Caroline were waiting for me I flushed hard realizing that they saw my struggle but I gave them a small smile before walking in front of them into the dinner.

Louise was at the counter and the moment she saw me she couldn’t help but let out a shout of excitement she called to Adam who was at the grill in the back as they both came forward to greet me, they saw Ransom and the excitement grew they’ve known us for a very long time so of course, they were glad to see him as well. Louise gave us a small shove as we went to our usual seat which was a booth at the back, when I was young I was scared to go anywhere near the booths but the good thing was that the seats here were spacious so there was nothing to worry about, Ransom scooted in but Coraline seemed to hesitate to look disgusted before sitting down at the corner.

“So how’s school? Are you having any problems with your classes, any subject you might be struggling with?” I asked as I moved around the salt and pepper shake, Ransom laughed as he beat an with a tirade of his Lit professor who loved to throw existential questions into the lesson as if that would help them finish their assignments on time, I couldn’t help but laugh at his whining as our server finally came to our table. There seemed to be a small tension coming from Ransom and Caroline but I chose to ignore it as I moved my attention to our server, he seemed to be about our age, and from what I could see he was new since I could sense his small hesitancy as he took our orders, I gave him a small smile as I tried to give him some reassurance of what he was doing.

“Don’t worry about it you’re doing a great job let me tell you when I used to work here back in the day it was hard, to say the least so no pressure and just take it one step at a time,” Tom as his name tag said relaxed as he gave me a cute and flirty smile that made me blush as I sent him a small shy smile as he walked into the kitchen to put our orders in when I turned back to Ransom he seemed to have a frown on his face at our interaction I made a funny face at him as he rolled his eyes before returning to his tirade. Caroline seemed too quiet so I ignored Ransom as I tried to make conversation with her,

“Are you also at Princeton Caroline?” She gave me a look before turning her nose at me.

“Yes I am in school at the moment but it's not like it matters I’m just doing it to pass the time while I inherit the family business,” she said as she moved around the straw in her drink, I gave her a confused look at her words because I couldn’t understand what she meant by “passing the time,” she must have seen my confusion before she gave a huff before continuing, “Daddy is paying for my tuition so I can go but I don't do anything besides hanging out with my friends or taking trips, there’s no point for me to be going to classes if there is no point to it since I’m just going to inherit my family’s estate and wealth.”

I looked at her with a mildly disturbing face at her words, how I wished I had the opportunity she had to go to college but that option was never one to be considered since it was much too expensive to pay off and I didn’t want to accumulate debt when I was trying to help out my mother with her immigration situation so I said nothing, Caroline seemed to have caught on to my reaction because she gave me a scathing look for even looking at her in that way.

Before anything further could be said Ransom butted in to alleviate the tension that had just arisen between Coraline and me, “So Ducky how’s work Uncle Walt said that he was giving you your team to manage Grandad’s new book, how's that going for you?” I gave him a small smile as I began to tell him about the work that we have been doing and how I’ve been getting along well with everyone except an older editor who keeps trying to override my directions every time I make them to the team. Ransom nodded along at that moment Tom came back with our orders setting them up on the table before turning to me with a small smile, “Do you need anything else, anything I could do for you?” I smiled at him as I was about to respond Ransom butted in,

“No, we’re good.” I looked at Ransom with a pissed look at the rude tone he had used on Tom, he didn’t seem to care as he glared him down until he walked away. I was confused by Ransom's attitude I’ve never seen him act this rudely to people without a motive so his change of character made me wonder what was going on with him and if it had to do with the woman who was sitting right across from me poking at her food uninterested to us.

“So you remember Claire?” I asked him as I ignored his previous way of being with our server, Ransom seemed to be focused on his food so he hummed as confirmation, “Well we were talking last night and she set me up with one of our colleagues, and well now I have a date next Friday!” I said excitedly, Ransom began to choke on his food and I panicked as I started pushing his drink closer to him, Caroline had left just a while ago to the restroom and still hadn’t been back, after he had calmed down Ransom looked at me very differently almost as if he was mad at me for what I had said.

“Are you serious do you even know this guy, how could you put yourself in that situation you haven’t dated anyone ever and you think that going out with this guy is your best option,” he stopped himself his hands balled up into a fist on the table, I couldn't help the tears that welled up this was new to me Ransom had never spoken to me like this before never in such a way as if to shame me not when I decided to go to not go to college and not when I told him about my accident from high school.

“Are you that desperate? if you were you could have just told me and I would have shown you a pretty good time.” The shame and mortification that came over me at his words were so great I let a tear slip from my face, Ransom seemed to realize that his words were far too harsh because he reached out to grab my hand I flinched away from him not wanting him to touch me at all, “I want you to take me home, right now Ransom.” He seemed to hesitate before he clenched his jaw before scooting out of the booth he set a few bills on the table and began to walk out I sat there for a few minutes before finally walking after him Louise gave me a wave and I saw Tom give me a smile and a wave until I was out the door.

Ransom was sitting inside the car already waiting for me to go in, I didn’t see Caroline anywhere and I almost went back inside to go get her before Ransom spoke up again, “She already left her friends came and picked her up half an hour ago.” I nodded before getting into the passenger seat, on the drive back to my apartment everything was quiet, only the hum of the car providing sound. After a while we were finally there Ransom parked but didn’t turn off the engine we sat there quietly for a bit before I finally turned to him, “I’ll see you at the Lagoon okay, I think you and I need some time apart to think about what happened,” I paused as I looked away.

“I love you, I’ve always loved you and I want you to give me the chance to grow from those feelings so I feel like this is the best option for me,” I stepped out stopping before looking down at Ransom who was still so stock still, I knew that my words were probably still processing to him but there was no turning back I finally said what I needed to say and I was ready for everything that was coming, “Patito, I need you to understand that no matter what I would choose you over everybody else.” And with that, I shut the door.

My date with Eric had occurred and it was the worst thing I have ever been on, believing that maybe this could be my chance to grow out of my love for Ransom I looked at the bright side but Eric was the worst he was rude and snobby and made comments about my appearance making it seem like I had to give him a thank you for even looking my way and I hated it. Ransom and I hadn’t spoken to each other since the day we went out and I hadn’t been able to think about it, so that night after my date I cried letting out the pent up emotions I had thought about the fact that maybe me falling in love or being loved would be a notion that could never happen.

During my little outburst, I heard my phone going off and without looking I answered it, the other person on the line was quiet before I heard an outburst, “What the hell happen where are you?” I was confused for a second before realizing that it was Ransom on the line, “Did that son of a bitch do something to you tell me where you are before I go kill him.”

I gave a few hiccuped breaths before Ransom calmed down with the softest tone I have ever heard from him, “Look Ducky I just want to make sure if you’re okay? Tell me where you are and I’ll meet you there in a heartbeat.” With that tone I was able to calm myself down as I told him I was at home, he gave a confirmation telling me he would be here soon as he ordered me to drink a glass of water before he hanged up.

Fifteen minutes later and an empty glass I heard knocking at my door when I opened it Ransom dressed in some plain sweats and the sweater I had given him for Christmas last year no matter what he wore he always looked handsome and this time I couldn’t help the tears that dropped. Ransom crowded me as he began to wipe the tears from my face. Here I stood my hair and makeup a mess dressed in the nicest dress that I had as the person I loved wiped my tears off my face.

“Did he do anything to you Ducky? Tell me and I swear that I will find him and kill him with my bare hands if I have to.” I laughed at his words nut I gave him a shake of my head telling him that nothing had happened. Ransom seemed to let out a breath before he moved us to the couch, we sat there in complete silence as Ransom held me close after what seemed like hours even though it was probably minutes I finally calmed down enough that I had stopped crying altogether.

“I called you today because I knew you had your date with that guy, I was mad, at you, at me, at that prick, and at fucking Claire for setting you up,” he took a deep breath before sitting up and pulling me away from him so we could be facing each other, “I thought of your confession and I am sorry for not calling you sooner but there was so much on my mind I have to tell you.”

I looked up at Ransom seeing that he was being completely serious and I couldn’t help the pull in my chest at the way he looked in that moment how much he has grown from when we were young and how much more he could do in the future, “I’ve been wanting to tell you for a long time now but I haven’t been honest with you at all, I don’t want to be your friend anymore and I haven’t wanted us to be friends since high school after we went to different schools,” I pulled away completely when he said that the tears were coming back and I felt as I couldn't breathe anymore Ransom could probably see my upcoming panic attack, so he did something I never thought would happen. He kissed me.

He kissed me.

That was the only thought that was going through my mind as my brain short-circuited, I stared up at him surprised not believing he did that Ransom stood before he started pacing rubbing at his neck before turning towards me, “This is not how I wanted to do it so I feel like I am already messing up but,” he paused as he took a deep breath before he came before me and kneeled so we were at eye level, “I have been in love with you since we were kids I think from the moment you punched me in the face and Grandad forced us to hang out, but I think the moment I knew was when I saw you at the dinner you were talking to some customers and I remember how you reached towards their little girl as you wiped something off her face and made her laugh.”

He leaned towards me just a little until our faces were just inches apart, his eyes darted down to my lips as I wet them, “I knew that if I could I would do whatever it took to keep you at my side even if that meant us only being friends, but I am done being your friend.” With that, he surged forward kissing me much softer than I thought my lips tingled at the contact after a few seconds he darted his tongue to swipe onto my bottom lip as I parted them for him before he began to kiss me a little bit deeper. When he pulled away I couldn’t help but let out a whine he chuckled at I flushed hotly at his laugh giving him a soft smile,

“Ducky you’d don't know how long I’ve been waiting to do that, I love you so much.”

“I love you too Ransom I always have and no matter how annoying you are with your little designer clothes and your dumb car,” he gave an offended scoff which I giggled at, “but I will always love you no matter what.”

Tags: @rmtndew​