#I don’t remember having her in our second house | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

worldlxvlys · 24 days

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I HAVE A IDEA (MR CRABS I HAVE AN IDEA)

yk the new song ari came out with (we can't be friends) Chris fic were the reader and him are best friends that always flirt and they made out drunk at a party and have not been talking for a week untill Chris shows up at her house and they makeout and maybe some smut? Idrk

Anyways that's all 💋

we can’t be friends

chris sturniolo x reader

warnings: angst, mentions of drinking/being drunk, smut, fingering, oral (fem receiving), squirting, cursing

a/n: i’ve been absolutely OBSESSED with this song and itching to write about ittt

i hope you enjoy

i let out a heavy sigh at his last text, before throwing my phone onto my bed.

of course i wanted to fight for us, but this was about more than just our friendship . this was about what was best for us individually.

for as long as i could remember, i always put chris’ feelings before my own. i spent so long chasing after him, just to end up heartbroken.

i watched him constantly pick other people over me, blissfully unaware of how deeply he was wounding me.

but no matter how much i wanted to, i couldn’t blame him. it was easier to point fingers at him than to accept the fact that this was partially my own fault.

i let him continue to hurt me, over and over again, never telling him what he was doing to me. and if i didn’t tell him, how would he know any better ?

so, even though it killed me to act so cold and distant toward him, it was time to look out for myself for once.

i needed to take the time to love and take care of myself before expecting someone else to do so.

sure, he’d be upset for a short while, but once he got over me he would easily move on to the next girl. that’s all i was to him, after all. just another girl.

i was pulled from my thoughts when i heard my front door open and close suddenly, followed by quick footsteps toward my room.

i waited behind my bedroom door, quick to swing my arm out in front of me when the person made it to the doorway.

i was met with chris, who immediately caught my wrist in his hand.

we stared at each other with wide eyes, neither one of us speaking. i blinked up at him, watching his eyes trail down to my lips.

“don’t do that” the words flew out of my mouth before i could stop them.

his eyes immediately shot back up to mine, a curious expression taking over his features.

“don’t do what?” he asked, loosening his grip on my wrist to let it slide down, intertwining our fingers.

“chris, we aren’t doing this. i meant what i said earlier, we’re better off not being friends”

“you keep saying that, but you won’t tell me why. you gotta talk to me baby” he spoke.

“i don’t want to” i spoke back, shaking my head as i backed up slightly to create more distance between us.

“how am i supposed to know what i did wrong if you don’t talk to me?”

he was right, of course he was. it was unfair of me to just cut him off with no reasoning. but the second we start talking about it is the second it becomes real. i didn’t want to come to terms with the fact that i was trying to end one of the most important friendships i’d ever had in my life.

“you didn’t do anything, chris” i answered. he wasn’t having it. “no, tell me. i’m not letting you just end our friendship like this, not without a reason”

“i just can’t be friends with you”

“why? what is so wrong with me that you don’t want me in your life? and completely out of nowhere” he spoke, his voice rising slightly.

“see, that’s the problem. i don’t want you out of my life, i want you in it forever. but you clearly don’t want that, and it’s ok.”

“who the hell said i didn’t want that?” chris asked, his brows furrowing.

“chris, it’s fine. you don’t have to try to make me feel better-”

“so you don’t believe me?” he cut me off.

“i mean, i don’t know, i just…” my babbling trailed off as i tried to find the right words.

“let me prove it to you” he whispered as he toyed with the strap of my tank top.

my breathing grew shallow as he moved the fabric down my arm slightly, pressing his lips to my shoulder.

“chris….we shouldn’t” i whispered, but tilted my head to the side, allowing him more access as his lips moved up my neck.

“really? you weren’t complaining a week ago” he spoke against my skin.

i slapped his chest lightly at that. “yeah, well we were also drunk”

he bit down on my neck, harshly enough to leave a bruise and elicit a moan from me. “so, you don’t want this?” he asked.

i let out a deep sigh, “of course i do, chris. but do you?”

he looked as though he was going to say something, but i stopped him “don’t tell me yes just because you want sex. i don’t want you to just want somebody, i want you to want me. if you’re just gonna fuck me and move onto the next girl, then forget it” i spoke.

the more i thought about it, the more i convinced myself that he didn’t really want me.

“hey” he spoke softly, cupping my jaw. “this isn’t about the sex, this isn’t even about me wanting you. this is about me needing you. this is about me not being able to live without you. yes, i’ve been with other girls. but there’s a reason that you’re the only one that’s always been there”

“i was so sure you didn’t feel the same, so i tried to move on. but i couldn’t, because none of those girls are you. and i’m so sorry that i hurt you, i’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you if i have to”

chris looked at me as though he could cry. his blue eyes shot back and forth between my own, his thumb caressing my jaw gently.

“so make it up to me” i whispered, pulling his lips to my own.

one of his arms smoothly slid behind my back, supporting my weight as i found it hard to keep my balance.

he kissed me like he had waited his whole life for this moment. his lips felt so soft against mine, unlike our last kiss.

this kiss made our drunken one feel sloppy and desperate, like two people who were just horny, but this was more than that. it was eye-opening, sweet, gentle, it was everything i didn’t know i needed.

but chris did, he always knew what to say or do to make me happy. i couldn’t stay mad at him even if i wanted to.

“let me make you feel good?” he asked when we pulled away. “yeah” i let out breathlessly, nodding my head.

“lay down for me” he said, leaving another kiss to my neck. i did as he said, getting onto my bed and laying on my back.

he wasted no time in crawling over me, his hands placed on either side of my waist. “can i?” he asked, lightly tugging at the hem of my top.

i nodded at him, lifting my upper body up as he pulled off my top. without a word, he attached his lips to my nipple while caressing the other with his hand.

i let out a loud moan at the feeling, beginning to squirm underneath him.

“shit, chris” i sighed out, his eyes immediately looking up at mine.

he swirled his tongue around the hardened bud, watching as my body melted into his touch.

he sucked on my tit until the skin turned dark, moving to the other to give it the same treatment.

“god, chris. feels so good” i moaned out while he continued to work my sensitive nipple with his tongue.

“you look so pretty like this” he rasped as he soothed my boobs with his hands, “can’t believe i have you all to myself” he mumbled to himself.

he moved his face downwards, leaving gentle kisses to my rib cage and abdomen. he paid special attention to every birthmark and scar he found, pressing a kiss to each one.

his fingers rubbed small circles into my skin as he ventured further and further down my body.

he stopped at the waistband of my shorts, leaving a kiss to my crotch area. due to the thin material or the shorts and my lack of underwear, my hips shot up involuntarily at the feeling.

“no underwear? such a dirty fucking girl” he spoke, smacking his tongue against the roof of his mouth.

he licked a long stripe up my pussy through the shorts, eliciting a long whine from me. “chris, stop teasing me” i spoke as i squirmed under him.

“you just make it so easy, baby” he spoke, before continuing to leave kisses down my thighs and calves.

“lift up” he spoke as he hooked his fingers into the waistband of my shorts. i raised my hips, allowing chris to pull them off.

i let out a sigh at the feeling of my heat being exposed to the cold air of the room.

chris stared down at my glistening pussy, mouth hung open slightly as he pulled my folds apart, spreading me open.

“my god, you’re so gorgeous” he spoke, blowing cool air onto my heat.

“hold your legs apart for me, beautiful” he spoke, his lips inches away from my core.

“so wet” he mumbled before running his tongue along my thighs, just missing where i needed him.

“chris, please. i need your mouth so fucking bad” i whined. “where, baby?” he asked, teasing me some more.

finally having enough, i wrapped my legs around his head, pulling his face into my heat.

he let out a long moan into me, his eyes rolling back as he licked up every drop of my slick.

my head fell back at the feeling, legs loosening around him to let him pull back if needed, however he stayed right where he was.

the words that fell out of my mouth sounded like gibberish, but i didn’t care about that. all i could focus on was chris.

the way he groaned into me, his needy tongue lapping me up like i was his last meal. his piercing eyes never left mine, only making the tight feeling in my stomach grow.

my arousal covered his flushed cheeks, making me even wetter.

there was something that i found so incredibly hot about how messily he was eating me out. it was like all he cared about was me finishing.

he moved his face from my legs, making me let out a whine at the loss of contact.

he stuck his tongue out, his spit dripping down onto my pussy.

“what do you think about when you touch yourself? ” he asked suddenly while he brought his finger down to my core to rub me.

“i- oh” i cried out in surprise at the feeling of his finger entering me.

“holy fuck, you’re so tight” he whispered as he pushed his pointer finger in and out of my tight walls.

“oh my god” i whimpered when he pushed another finger in.

“if you don’t answer me, i’m stopping” he spoke.

“this! i think about this!” i rushed out, eyes screwing shut at the feeling of his rough fingers inside of me.

“i think about how perfect your hands are. fuck- how long your fingers are” i struggled out between moans, “i think about you” i finished.

“yeah? what about my cock?” he asked as his fingers sped up.

“you think about what it would feel like for me to fuck you into oblivion? ” he asked as he curled his fingers, hitting my g-spot.

“fuck, yes! i’m so close chris” i cried out as he continued to plunge his fingers in and out of me.

“c’mon, you got it. doing so well for me, want you to make a mess all over me” he rasped out, fingers moving rapidly inside of me.

“chris, wait! i’m gonna-” i tried to warn him, but i was too far gone as my juices shot out of me.

the liquid dripped down his face, onto the saturated sheets underneath us.

“yes, yes, fuck yes” chris groaned as his mouth hung open. i leaned up slightly, watching the way his hips stuttered and his body shook.

“fuck” he let out breathlessly, as he began to shudder.

“did you just come untouched?” i asked, eyes widening slightly.

“if that doesn’t prove how much i want you, nothing will”

wait why’d i kinda eat ??? 🤭

masterlist

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igotanidea · 4 months

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Almost there: Anthony Bridgerton x reader

part 1: Too much

part 2 : Not enough

***

„One of those days you will get us both in trouble, Eloise.”

Due to some miracle, Y/N and her second-in-age sister in law managed to escape the watchful gaze of all, lady Danburry, Violet and Daphne, and rushed forward on the promenade. It was generally frowned upon, that the married lady strolled in the presence of a girl, who wasn’t even a débutante yet, but neither of those two seemed to take much interest in ton’s opinion.

“Trouble from merely speaking the truth?”

“Shall I remind you that this virtue is long forgotten in the society full of hypocrisy and deceit?” Y/N whispered taking Eloise’s arm to at least keep the pretences of being discreet. It would be unwise to let anyone else eavesdrop on the little exchange of words between close friends.

“It’s almost like you don’t trust me, my dear sister-in-law.” Eloise chuckled feigning the pompous tone.

“Please don’t ever call me like that again. You were my friend before you were my family. Don’t put the distance between us now. ”

“If anything I’d dare say I’m the reason you met with Anthony and –“ the sentence was cut out abruptly, as Eloise realised that Y/N was currently in the middle of a heavy argument with her husband. An argument that made her flee the house and turned out on the doorstep on the other Bridgerton’s house announced, in search for a friendly soul to talk to. And now she actually realised that all that may have been her fault from the beginning. If Y/N and Anthony have never met, they never would have fought and never—

“Stop overthinking it, dear.” The current viscountess chuckled observing her friend’s slightly hazy gaze and recognising it instantly. Clearly Eloise was getting lost in her own head.

‘Do not call me that!” the girl’s eyes became sharp and conscious again “I can hardly stand being called that affectionately by my mother, let alone by you.”

“Worked just as planned though.”

“Well, my biggest congratulations on being effective in the matter. You are almost as good at me with it.”

“Oh, almost? From what I can recollect I taught you most of those tricks.” Y/N smiled brightly.

“Really?” Eloise raised an eyebrow “I can’t remember. Hey what do you say we run away from our chaperones and have a proper, meaningful discussion on what’s troubling you?”

“I wish it was that easy. But I’m a wife now and apparently –“

“Viscountess Bridgerton!” a sudden voice came from in front of them and Y/N felt like actually taking Eloise advice and rushing off. It was almost like the whole world decided to prey on her misery on that particular day. First lady Danburry, now lady Featherington. “How lovely to see you! Marriage serves you well. You are beaming, dear.”

Y/N gritted her teeth in hardly hidden annoyance at such obvious show of nosiness and lack of tact. She knew instantly that she had to cut the conversation short before another wave of unwanted questions about her blessed (or not) state would come.

‘Lady Featherington. Pleasure to see you there. Are your daughters accompanying you or are they occupied with their upcoming prenuptial agreements? I surely hope they would be as fortunate with their future husbands as I am with mine. And speaking of which, if you excuse me, I need to discuss a very urgent matter on the subject with my family.”She put an emphasis on two last word and not waiting for response, abandoning all the rules of the lady behaviour, tried to drag Eloise away almost sighing deeply in frustration.

„Oh, but viscountess, once Penelope weds Colin, we will be a family.” lady Featherington stopped both girls in their tracks before they managed to escape.

„I beg your pardon, what now?”

‘Oh, you didn’t know, viscountess? Your brother-in-law is about to marry my youngest daughter. By some miracle, clearly, since Penelope--” Portia started rambling without a care in the world.

„Oh I know about that part.” Y/N faked a smile that didn’t reach her eyes „I merely have the deep conviction that us becoming family is rather an improbable claim.”

„But--”

„Dearest lady Featherington, do not push my hand here. I would rather stay in amity with you. A very fragile alliance shall you pry into my private matters. I dare say you have a certain interest in using those bold statements? ”

„I beg your pardon?”

„The viscount, is still in the charge of his famliy’s - our family’s finances. And that shall include the future fortune of Colin. Shall you insist on intruding me during my leisure time I might have a word with my husband.”

„You truly do not disgrace yourself with being modest, do you, Y/N? Has social advancement changed you so much? I clearly remember you being a scrawny child with no aspiration and position and look at you now. A snake in a sparkish dress.”

„She can at least choose the colour that highlights her beauty and doesn't make her look like--”

„Thank you Eloise.” Y/N cut her off before she could cause some more havoc. Lady Featherington was an onerousness but her gossiping nature was something Y/N did not need in the current situation. „I shall believe lady Portia will keep our little conversation in mind for the future purposes. Hers and her daughter’s.

„Actually if the viscount is around --”

„Unfortunately, matters of utmost importance kept him at home today.” Y/N responded with the most patience she could gather at the moment. There was always a possibility of farewelling the unwanted company, but as previously stated - there was no need of spreading the rumours of some discrepancies between the newlyweds. This hydra had to be beheaded immediately before the news spread throughout London.

„Such a shame you were left to tend for yourself then viscountess.”

„I shall believe I’d receive the most warm welcome back once my husband free himself of all the duties and occupations.”

***

While Y/N was having a lively discussion with indefatigable Portia Featherington, someone was observing her closely from behind the tree, staying unnoticed themselves.

“Are you spying on her now?”

“I’m not spying!”

“Oh really? Then tell me brother, why on Earth would you hide in the bush instead of accompanying your wife on the promenade? If I were you –“

“Good thing you are not.” Anthony muttered grumpily keeping his eyes fixed on his wife’s silhouette. Even with her cheeks reddened from the indignation and eyes sparkling with cunning intelligence she was the most beautiful woman he has ever laid his eyes on. If anything, those characteristic may have only been adding to her charm.

he viscount may not have heard all the words exchanged between two ladies, but the way Y/N was keeping lady Portia at bay, standing her own ground and not wavering in the slightest was admirable and worthy of a viscountess. Serving as a reminder that his wife was not a fragile bird who was - in his opinion- in dire need of his protection and care, but rather a capable, strong woman, who would survive on her own.

Which brought him to another conclusion - that she didn’t rely on him as much as he expected her to. That she was proud enough to get the audacity to leave his home, leave him and decided (solely by herself!) to pay a visit to his sister.

“If I were you—“ Benedict grinned mischievously “I would run and drag Y/N away from Eloise before those two officially call you an idiot and make a plan for Y/N to leave you for good.” apparently the second son was capable of reading his older brother’s mind and pointing out all the worries that were already inside viscount’s head

“She would never.”

“I am unaware of the scope of your failure, but given the fact your wife rushed to Eloise, out of all the people must have been immense.”

“That’s it!’ Anthony hissed, almost crawling out from behind the tree, ready to clear this misunderstanding immediately.

***

„Oh, my dear!” Lady Featherington placed her hands on her hips as if she wanted to emphasize her higher position and knowledge of male-female relations. „Do not occupy yourself with the romance fantasies. Courtship is gone once the knot is tied. And after a child is born--” her gaze landed on Y/N’s stomach „you put all the efforts into keeping the family afloat and secure the future of the offspring.”

„I believe--”

„Viscountess, you are so young. So naive and innocent. Fed on the novels and stories.”

„Most of which cover the topic of history, literature and medicine rather than Shakespeare plays.” now the young woman was getting angry her cheeks flushing „topics which I boldly presume are far from your interest.”

„I beg your-”

„I kindly forgive you, lady Featherington. Now if you excuse us - I shall wish you a good day.”

„I am not--”

„Lady Featherington.”

The sudden deep voice coming from behind made all the ladies turn around at once.

„Viscount.” Portia bowed slightly „I was just having a little chat with your wife.”

„Educating her on the specificity of marital relations?”

„Giving her some of the knowledge that her prematurely deceased mother - God rest her soul - did not have the opportunity to teach her”

„How kind of you.” Anthony almost smirked and Y/N had to muffle the chuckle forming in the back of her throat looking down. It was like she saw the old him. „However I suppose that once I am here, you shall be free of your educative duties?”

„I--”

„do not preoccupy yourself my lady. My wife shall not lack the company from now on.” having said that, Antony walked right to Y/N offering her an arm and - a sight truly unexpected - bid the older lady goodbye while leading the viscountess away.

„I didn’t need you to save me.”

„such a shame I happened to be around then.”

„My undoing indeed.”

„Unforunate event that you might have to keep the externals for the duration of a stroll.” Anthony held her tighter and closer to him while nodding head to the acquaintance.

***

„Did you gather some intel on the current situation of our brother and his lovely wife?” Benedict, who followed the two of them without any hesitation, asked Eloise.

„I am Y/N’s confidante, I shall never-”

„You cannot trick me sister.”

„Anthony is an idiot.”

„I had quite a feeling you would say something like that. Now- shall we interfere or remain passive observers as Antony makes a fool of himself begging for her forgiveness?”

Eloise smirked as they continued their following.

She and Benedict always understood each other without words.

Edit: part 4 Stuck

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#anthony bridgerton #anthony bridgerton x reader #anthony bridgerton imagine #anthony bridgerton x you #anthony bridgerton fanfiction #bridgerton x reader #bridgerton fanfiction #bridgerton fic #bridgerton angst

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nevisiity · 8 months

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FAMA (408)

Fama Definition: Fama(408) means to be popular or well known, having reputation FAME!!! Personal interpretations of Fama in the houses below!! Please let me know if you relate or care to share anything else! Thx for reading <3 post 1/4

.　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆FAMA IN 1ST HOUSE. . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆ The 1st house is LITERALLY the house of your physical body, how you look, how you are seen by the general public, self image surface level identity. Approach to life, this can also represent early childhood. So, In my own personal interp of this sign I have concluded that girl… YOU ARE THE MAIN CHARACTER. Like BIG star energy, You might have been popular in childhood, if not then you have no problem getting attention. It may come to you naturally, even if you don’t want it…you have it.. And here they come “I never get attention 🥺” PUT. YOURSELF. OUT. THERE. Cause you got it! Don’t be afraid to flaunt it ;) This also reads to me as a natural star, actors, musicians, artists even just big personalities.

.　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆FAMA IN 2ND HOUSE. . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆ The 2nd house relates to personal finances, money, mula, green. It also reminds me of the earth…”natural energy” mother nature. Anything green. The second house also contains personal possessions(jewels, cars, houses, etc) and emotions. Fama in the second house gives off “that girl”(IFYKYK) vibes. Natural earthy beauty. Maybe you prefer less makeup and may get complimented more because of that. But a way you can achieve fame is through hard work, getting money and showing off jewels. Showing off cars. Flaunting your wealth may not be a bad thing after all…Kind of Glamorous if you ask me. If I had this placement I would adorn myself in jewels…try a more natural style, you are beautiful just the way you are…enjoy getting that attention.

.　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆FAMA IN 3RD HOUSE. . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆ The 3rd house is COMMUNICATION. Writing, speaking, conversing, editing, and translation. Perhaps you are excellent at communicating, Your voice is most likely really nice. Fama here to me indicates a good songwriter…maybe even a poet. You could probably write a nice script as well. Fluency in languages. You can get famous for these skills. Maybe you can even sing! Wouldn’t surprise me :) Go on and let your voice shine then! 🌟Let your writing speak…you never know who could be listening! If you have this placement and want to write a book..write and publish poetry, music, any of that. Do everyone a favor and WRITE IT or SPEAK IT!! Your words are your superpower.

.　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆FAMA IN 4TH HOUSE. . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆ The 4th house represents family, roots, old age but also physical structures, our homes (houses, real estate). Fama in the 4th house could mean your whole family is popular or well known where you live, especially if it's in a smaller place. Maybe some of you could get famous from where you come from… how you grew up, childhood, etc. This could also mean a family business that could get you fame or recognition. Reminds me of Tabitha Brown and her daughter (Tik Tok). Or you could get famous later in life. Maybe you could create a future of fame for your family. Maybe you could be a famous interior designer as well.

.　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆FAMA IN 5TH HOUSE. . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆ The 5th house rules creativity,(The house of PLEASURE) hobbies. something you enjoy doing! This can be anything from painting, music, sketching, tattooing, crocheting, any-damn-thing!! Your hobbies are where you shine. If it puts a smile on your face and a fire in your belly DO IT!! And post it on social media! I didn’t want to mention zodiac signs yet but hun…this is the house of leo…and what is leo known for?? BEING SEEN!!The sun shines bright and you can’t miss it…The attention-getter of all the signs. Just remember to post it online! Especially if you are passionate about it. This is really the all encompassing house. Fama SHINES here. It takes a little work, but not too much..enjoy what you are doing first though. To add, if you enjoy working with kids, want to start a business having to do with children you are sure to succeed. You could really just do your own thing and shine though.

.　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆FAMA IN 6TH HOUSE. . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆The 6th house represents health, wellness, daily routines and odd jobs. Now FAMA in the 6th house reads to me as a health influencer, Your daily routine will help you shine. Maybe you pretend to have a youtube channel in the mirror, showing your routine. Whether that be skincare, a day in my life, makeup tutorial. Maybe some of you are gym-bros or are really into fitness, maybe you will have a famous social media based on fitness, or healthier meals. You may even be into clean beauty, no real leather, vegan, etc. Your health is your strong suit and maybe people even ask you what they can do to be healthier. Maybe you are more on the fit side and people inquire about this too. You could be really well known personal trainer! Or chef 🧑‍🍳 Reminds me of famous chefs Gordon ramsey and Raechel Ray.

.　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆FAMA IN 7TH HOUSE.. • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆ The 7th house represents partnerships, beauty, fairness, legalities and even enemies!! If you have FAMA here, You could be a very famous model one day!! Probably very beautiful, whether that's unique or conventional. Besides physical beauty, I feel this also relates to art. I feel we have some amazing artists here. You could also be a great judge, family or relationship type therapist. Just anything ruling beauty and fairness. Maybe you are even a muse for some people. They want to paint you, write about you, etc…this can bring you fame. Famous fashion designer as well, beauty influencer, jewelry maker, etc!

.　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆FAMA IN 8TH HOUSE. . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆ The 8th house represents taboos, death, debt, other people's resources, sex. I read that it can also rule over legacies and wills! FAMA in the 8th house means you would get very famous doing astrology, tarot, spiritual guidance. Some of you may even be witches and could get popular doing that. Some of you may be into sex work….could get very famous that way! Whether that's stripping, only fans, DOMINATRIX. May be a good accountant or personal financer (idk what the profession would be called sorry). Some good tarot accounts to look into if you’re interested would be (kino tarot, firefly tarot, lexi the leo, The gem goddess) You remind me of them a bit…

.　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆FAMA IN 9TH HOUSE. . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆The 9th house rules over philosophy, religion, higher education, I also feel good careers for this asteroid in 9th are psychics, export/import business. Just a search for the truth. You could be a very popular philosopher, this reminds me of all the greek philosophers (socrates, plato, apollodorus of athens, aristotle) Religion! You could get very famous being some type of pastor or spiritual guru. Maybe a very famous, sought after teacher. You could be a travel influencer. Love to learn about different cultures and could get very famous doing that. Very smart people here and that is your starshine.

.　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆FAMA IN 10TH HOUSE. . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆ The 10th house is at the peak of your birth chart, it rules over professional career image, Public image, business relations and career achievements. I feel you could be a very famous business man/woman. You could even own a company one day!! Giving boss energy. The 10th house also rules over positions of power/authority. FAMA here could mean you even start your own business from square 1! From nothing! CEO’s with this placement. Directors, photographers, superintendent, managers. ALL things BOSS. Maybe even popular overseas due to business relations, lavish lifestyle because of riches here. Could be very popular for work ethic.

.　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆FAMA IN 11TH HOUSE. . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆ The 11th house rules over The friendship of the collective, social media, friendships and groups, and HOPE. as well as idealism. FAMA in this house can indicate big social media fame. You just shine on social media. Like I said with the first house. PUT YOURSELF OUT THERE. Giving alien vibes. Reminds me of the theme of Beyonce's latest “renaissance”. Very modern, maybe even futuristic, Reminds me of fit checks I see on my TL and they have thousands of views. Maybe you yourself represent things people can’t understand, maybe with the way you present yourself. You def keep up on all the trends and memes. Maybe you could get very famous with a commentary type channel, expressing your opinions especially on pop culture.

.　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆FAMA IN 12TH HOUSE. . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆ The 12th house rules over dreams, rest, BIG SPIRITUALITY, traumas, addictions, all that is below the surface. FAMA here I think is very beneficial for people who want to speak about things that happened to them. Best spiritual gurus, psychics. You could CHANGE LIVES with this FAMA placement.Reminds me of FKA twigs song “Cellophane”. Most of you here could write a novel about things that happened to you. Or how you connect with god(s), spirit, whatever you believe in. You are magical, like a crystal ball. Also may be gifted with clairaudience, channeling, mediumship, etc. Maybe you could see dead people/talk with them. You are stardust ☄️

Thank you for reading!! FAMA in the signs is next. Stay tuned <3

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desmondkane-of-ao3-fame · 1 year

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Inside Job didn’t just get canceled.

It had its first season split in two, a tactic animators said was used for Cuphead to let them pay staff less. Then, the show was renewed for a real second season.

And then the show was canceled before that second season anyway.

Final Space didn’t just get canceled on the most depressing cliffhanger ever. It was removed from all platforms before becoming a tax write-off, essentially meaning the only ways of really watching the show is through DVD or pirating.

The Owl House wasn’t just given a shortened third season. Disney, a company already known for a, let’s say, complicated relationship with its LGBT+ history, took a show created by a bisexual woman, filled with beloved LGBT+ characters, some of which were teenagers just like the audience, and told said creator to destroy her shows pacing so she could finish her story in just 3 45 minute specials.

I can go on about how Hollywood and television don’t respect animation and the like but this is endemic of a larger problem:

Capitalism destroys art.

The constant need for shows to be either the biggest thing in history or a complete failure, the constant need for a cash cow, leads to any show that doesn’t immediately become Squid Game or Stranger Things levels of popular, especially animated shows, getting scrapped for no reason other then it doesn’t make them enough money.

In our hyper capitalist hellscape, I worry we’re going to see more Inside Jobs, Final Spaces, and Owl Houses: shows made with love, that showcase potential, and dedicated fanbases, having a renewal reversed, or becoming a tax write off, or having its story rushed, so that the executives can save a few cents, while also fucking over employees.

I think that’s the part that always needs to be remembered too; the people behind these shows. Not just the creators or voice actors or well known animators, but everybody. As NewDeal4Animation illustrated, staffs on these shows are often underpaid and overworked. And to then, to not just lose a show you spent months, years of your life on out of nowhere, but to essentially lose a job… it’s terrifying. And every staff member, from the creators to the unpaid interns, deserves better.

So yea. That’s just my thoughts on the matter I guess.

#inside job #final space #the owl house #animation #save inside job #fuck disney #fuck capitalism #fuck all this

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livwritesstuff · 3 months

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Eddie knows that he’s good at pushing buttons. It’s a whole-ass hobby for him, he’s pretty sure, given how much enjoyment he gets out of it combined with the skill-level (high, obviously – he’s had fifty-something years of practice).

Steve, Eddie’s live-in husband, is on the receiving end of the button-pushing more than anyone else, and he’s a pretty good sport about it most of the time.

About once a year, though, Eddie manages to push the exact button that sends Steve straight into deep-freeze mode.

He’s very good at it. Maybe even as good as Eddie is at triggering it in the first place, so on day three of getting nothing but silence from Steve – his soulmate, the light and love of his life – he decides to take some action.

Action starts with bribing his two oldest daughters (away at college) into coming home for the weekend because…duh. Steve loves their kids more than anything (and definitely more than he loves Eddie at the moment), so that’s a relatively low-effort home run.

“So what the fuck did you do, then?” Moe asks the second she and Robbie walk through the door.

“Who says I did something?” Eddie counters (ridiculous, because he totally did do something, but damn, she could have jumped to that conclusion even a little slower).

Moe doesn’t even dignify that with a response, just fixes him with one of those Steve expressions she’s been firing at him since practically the day she was born.

“He totally did something,” Hazel tells them, “It might be hopeless. Getting you home might not even fix it.”

“Oh, how you underestimate me, daughters,” Eddie says, “This is just phase one.”

He holds up his phone to show that he’s already calling Robin.

She picks up only a second later.

“What do you want, Edward?”

“Hey Buck. Just wanted to make sure you don’t forget about dinner at our house tonight.”

Robin is silent for a while.

“Uh…what dinner?”

“You know! Dinner! We’ve got all three kids home this weekend, remember? You were gonna bring that game Steve likes? He’s all excited!”

“Oh my god,” Robbie mutters, “You are such a gaslighter.”

Eddie silently flips her off.

“Let me see if Nanc–”

“Nope,” Eddie hastily interrupts, “Don’t ask Nancy. Just be here quarter to five.”

“Uh, oka–”

Eddie hung up.

“Pa-thetic.” Moe rolls her eyes.

Steve emerges from his office exactly at five o'clock that evening to see that their kitchen is filled with his children and friends and the smell of what Eddie’s got cooking on the stove, and it isn’t until he’s got a massive grin on his face and his arms around Robin’s shoulders that he finally asks, “Wait – what are you all doing here?”

“You didn’t know we were coming?” Robin asks, shooting Eddie a suspicious look.

“No, they aren’t talking,” Hazel pipes up.

Eddie surreptitiously smacks her arm and mutters, “Be cool, will you?”

#say what you will about hazel – girlypop looooves the drama #what did eddie do exactly?#.......steve doesn’t remember anymore – BUT he does remember that it was annoying #steddie #liv’s steddie dads verse #steddie dads #steve harrington #eddie munson

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vroomvroomcircuit · 3 months

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Big Bird and his Cousins

(A/N): Thank you to @mclarengf for telling me about Big Bird getting shrunk and sharing the twitter thread with me

Summary: A small missing information nearly got Max and Lando into a fistfight aka this is my chance to tell more people about Big Birds eight international cousins

Pairings: driver!reader x f1!grid, but especially Max Verstappen and Lando Norris, Checo, Carlos and Zhou got more of a guest appearing

Wordcount: 1.3k

🏎Masterlist🏎

______________________

Most of the drivers have no problem with driving in the rain. But in a downpour straight from the seven pits of hell? That’s something even Max Verstappen says “no” to.

A considerable amount of the grid stays seated in the conference room, where they just got told that qualifying will be delayed by at least several hours. As soon as they were dismissed, (Y/N) sprinted out of the room, uttering something about a small bladder and long meetings and how they clash in the worst way possible.

“Have you seen what they did to Big Bird from Sesame Street? They made him tiny for the past week!” Lando complains loudly to Carlos while scrolling through his twitter feed. But the Spaniard is confused.

“I don’t know who you are talking about, mate.” He thinks for a second. “Oh, do you mean Caponata? They made her small?!” Carlos’ face lights up, remembering the bird fondly. It’s not something you think about every day, isn’t it?

Lando looks at his friend with a befuddled face . “No, you muppet! Big Bird is a yellow bird that is very tall.” Max, who heard the conversation involuntarily, because the Brit speaks passionately loud about this subject, turns towards the other two drivers.

“I don’t know what kind of off brand Sesame Street you two have watched, but the real name of the tall bird is Pino and Pino is pale blue.” His matter-of-fact voice sets something in Lando off. It just doesn’t sit right with him that Max acts almighty and knowledgeable about a topic he read something himself with his own two eyes.

He gets up from his seat, taxing the Dutchman with a belittling up and down look. “If I was you, I would get my eyes checked, because Big Bird is a bright yellow! Watch out for color blindness.” Max also squares up, getting toe to toe with Lando, getting ready to shoot back. “I can show you how good my eyesight is the next time I’ll drive an orange car with the number four off the track.” “It’s papaya!” Lando pulls up the sleeves to his hoodie, getting ready for a fight that goes beyond spoken words.

“No!” Checo intervenes, putting himself between the two drivers. In the meantime the majority of the remaining people in the room put their attention on the, for now verbally, fighting men. “The name of the bird is Abelardo Montoya and the colors are green, red and a bit of pink. Stop arguing about stuff you know nothing about. Also, I’m older. So I'm right.”

His confident statement attracts the arguments from Max and Lando. “You are absolutely wrong!” “Big Bird is not green!” “No, because Pino is a beautiful blue color!” “Shut it, Verstappen, or I’ll show you the way your skin will bruise a beautiful blue!” “Step away, Norris. You are like 12 and build like a stick. You have not the strength to show me anything.”

“Are you sure? Let’s take this outside and I shove a stick up you a-” “What is going on in the house of commence?” (Y/N)’s voice cuts through the noise sharply. The room falls silent for several seconds until everyone tries to explain themselves at the same time.

“Big Bird is yellow!” “No, his name is Pino and he is pale blue!” “No, she is orange and yellow and is called Caponata!” “No, it’s a green bird, you all know nothing!” “Sh, be quiet, Checo!”

(Y/N) sits down on her chair again and waits for them to get finished scrambling to find an excuse to defend their ego. “Did you ask Pierre what Big Bird looks like for him?” She smirks.

Pierre also smiles knowingly, all eyes on him. “We call our Big Bird Toccata and he is white.” Especially Lando tries to defend himself and his Big Bird another time very loudly. But (Y/N) is having none of it. She put her hand over his mouth, muffling his protests while starting an explanation of her own.

“Did you know that Big Bird has eight international cousins? They are part of Sesame Street from other countries all around the world.” While she starts explaining, Lando’s face drops. “While most versions have a yellow bird like the Big Bird Lando references the whole time, they call them different names. In German he is named Bibo, ask Hülkenberg. In the Netherlands, Brazil and France, they got some versions of Big Bird’s cousins. I think in China they changed his name to the literal translation of Big Bird, but he still counts as one of the cousins. They explain it by calling them identical cousins.”

She throws a look to Zhou, who nods in confirmation and adds “His name is Da Niao”. “The cousins also live in Spain, Portugal and Turkey. Did you not know about this? I thought it was common knowledge. It was all over Twitter a couple of years ago. Now I see the threat every now and then again on tiktok with some minecraft gameplay in the background playing.”

Max mulls over the new information. “This explains everything.” Meanwhile Lando is a bit more shocked. “So I nearly got into a fist fight with Max Verstappen, because someone in some writer’s room decided to give Big Bird cousins and never said anything in the show?”

(Y/N) throws him a confused face. “What do you mean you nearly got into a fist fight? Those are muppets from a kids show! How can you pick a fight over muppets in different colors? They are not even real? In what way does this warrant to get physical?”

Well, if you put it like that, it sounds a bit irrational. Maybe silly even. Of course, no one says this outloud, but the faces all around are enough confirmation for the female driver.

“Gosh, that’s childish. But on the topic of Sesame Street: Have you seen the tweets about Big Bird being shrunk? I need justice for Big Bird!” And so a new discussion starts about the sense behind Big Bird being tiny.

A few hours later the track is cleared again after the storm eventually cleared up. Qualifying can finally start.

The interviews after are relaxed in a way no one expected and most of the newer drivers have never experienced before. Maybe it is the collective relief that qualifying is over without any more delays due to the weather or other problems.

“Coming to the last question,” the journalist closes up her post quali interview with (Y/N), “How did you pass the time until today’s session started? Did all the drivers have another Fifa tournament? Or was it Mario Kart this time?”

The female driver laughs a bit about the joke. “Oh no, not this time. I wouldn’t play Fifa with them anyways, I’m too competitive for that and not good enough at this game at the same time. But I’ll keep the Mario Kart idea in my head for the next skyfall rain. But today I was able to educate the boys on some Sesame Street lore, specifically about Big Bird’s eight international cousins.”

The reporter has a bemused face on. “I never heard of them.” “There is a link on the wiki page regarding Big Bird, dedicated to them. It’s amazing and super cute. Look it up!” (Y/N) winks into the camera.

This is the story of how breaking up a close call to a fist fight between two very stubborn drivers led to (Y/N) being a feature on Sesame Street. And how the trend of #justiceforBigBird across many social media platforms became a thing afterwards.

#x reader #reader insert #f1 fic #f1 x driver!reader #f1 fanfic #f1 x reader #f1 imagine #max verstappen x reader #lando norris x reader #x driver!reader

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endless-ineffabilities · 10 months

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sapphire-hearted (part three)

Aemond Targaryen x f!reader

After his proposal, the reader and Aemond have a heated confrontation in the gardens.

themes/warnings: jealous!possessive!Aemond (no surprise that I have to write this for every part of this story... I mean...), angst, language

part one - part two - masterlist

"Will you choose me?"

That managed to stop you in your tracks. Will you choose him? As if you had not chosen him over and over, at every turn, every proposal - only for him to choose to lie with another woman in the end.

And what is worse, he does not seem to find his actions wrong, only defending them. For the good of the realm, he says.

But what if he is sincere about marrying you? Will it only be you, for all time, war be damned? Knowing Aemond, it will not be that simple.

You feel caught in a snare, helpless, for but a second. Weighing your options in your mind.

Yes. Perhaps. No. Fuck you, and your witch.

Your mind finally settles, and you turn to face him, your face cold and unreadable. "That has to be the most selfish thing you have ever said to me."

Aemond appears stunned, unmoving, as he watches you stride towards him.

“Selfish? My desire to be wed to you is a selfish thing?” he asks.

You approach him quickly, breathing heavy as words spill out of your mouth. “I know you, Aemond. Tell me this. Why do you wish to marry me now, after all this time? Why did you not do it fucking seven, eight moons ago? You only want this now because you know that I am serious about getting married to someone else. And what of the unspoken understanding between us that we could never do so because you are a Targaryen, oh great one, and I come from a lowly House of cattle-tending farmers?” You sound venomous, unrestrained, but you do not much care.

Aemond matches you in your ferocity, when he says, “Is that truly what you think? That I would marry you for some foolish reason? That I would do so on a whim? It is true that my family, the council, and perhaps the smallfolk will frown upon our union, but you know what?” He grips your elbow, and you can feel his ragged breathing fanning your face as he drags you closer. “I don’t care anymore. I have always wanted this, and I should get what I want. After everything I have done, all that I have sacrificed for this war, I deserve to marry for love.”

“No, you - ”

“Listen to me, my love,” he leans in, close enough to capture your lips in his if he wishes to. “I’d rather burn everything to the ground, rather than watch you wed another fucking man. I thought you were already well aware of this?”

His lips brush against your ear, sending shivers down your spine, and he whispers, “Do not underestimate my love for you. You’re mine, do you hear? Perhaps you will try to be with someone else, with that Ramsay. But know that it will not end well for him.”

You understand that he is not speaking lightly. That he will make do on his threat if need be. Dangerous, intense, cunning. This was the Aemond you fell in love with, so why should you be taken aback at his words? You crave all of this, all that he truly is.

But you had also thought that all of this, all of him, was only yours.

“No,” you breathe.

“What?”

“My answer is no,” you repeat. “I cannot marry you. Not like this.”

“Because of him?” Aemond accuses.

“Not exactly,” you meet his eye and find a storm of emotion resting there. “You know that I would marry you in a heartbeat.” You remember when he said the same, but it does not sit right with you that he could only have said that out of desperation. Just as he is asking for your hand now, in the heat of the moment.

“Then we shall have it done. On the morrow, if that is what you wish, my love - ”

“But we cannot marry when I do not trust you. When I cannot be certain that you will not go scurrying back to bed with Alys each time you require her visions or her spells.”

Aemond implores, “But it should all end soon. The war… we shall be sure to prevail against our enemies. And then I will have no further use for her. We can have her banished or mutilated for all I care.”

Typical of Aemond to be so thick-headed, and to stick to his ambition. So will he lie with Alys a few more times, breaking your heart, after he has just professed to love and marry you? “I cannot have that.”

“Do you not understand - ”

“I understand perfectly,” you almost hiss at him in your exasperation. “If you wish to wed me, then you cannot have anyone else. By the gods, you should not even remotely desire to be with anyone else, for any reason. Whether it be for the fucking realm, I do not care.”

You pry yourself away from his hold, every step walking back from him giving you room to just breathe. “The very thought of you with her, the truth of it happening, sickens me to my core.”

Laughing menacingly, you add, “Just as the thought of myself with Ramsay angers you so. Tell me, my love - what would you do if I were to ride him, as Alys does you?”

Aemond glares daggers at you, his jaw clenching so hard in his rage.

He seethes, “You would never get the chance. I will bury him long before then.”

“I’ve had enough of this,” you raise your hands in surrender. “I’ll be seeing you.”

“You do not get to simply leave - ” He starts to say, but he is interrupted by someone else rounding the corner.

“Brother,” Aegon greets, an ornate cup of wine held loosely in one hand. Several members of his Kingsguard shadow him, a few paces away. “How come you get to escape our council meetings out here, whilst I waste away with those droll sycophants?”

“Aegon,” Aemond greets, his voice giving away irritation at his brother’s intrusion. “I had no standing affairs today, and I am occupied with something else.”

“Someone else, you mean to say,” Aegon raises his eyebrows at you suggestively. “Nice to see you again, my lady.”

“Your Grace,” you curtsy. “I shall take my leave, so that you might speak to Aemond in private.”

Aegon responds lightly. “Stay, if you please. I do have something to ask you as well. And what is with the ‘Your Grace’? It is just Aegon to you, as always.”

“Of course, Your G-” you catch yourself, smiling now. “I mean, Aegon.” Aemond’s siblings have been more than civil towards you, and if everything else were simpler, then you might even call them your friends.

Now and then, Aegon would make a comment about your status in poor taste, though he means well. One of them being, “What a shame you cannot be made my good-sister through Aemond. The family would surely wed the pair of you, if only you had been a Lady Baratheon, or gods, even a Lannister, though I find the lot of them unbearable. What a shame.”

“So,” Aegon excitedly clasps his hands together, preparing to share some piece of news. “I’ll be holding a small gathering on the morrow. A supper of sorts. Only a few chosen people. Our inner circle, which includes you, my lady.” He wags his finger at you, playfully.

“A feast? Won’t it be improper, Aegon?” Aemond asks, with a tired sigh, already used to his brother’s proclivities.

“Not a feast, dear brother. A small, subdued supper.” Aegon looks to you for support, and you shrug in agreement. He takes a step closer, whispering to you in secret, “It is a feast, actually.” You have to bite back a laugh at his absurdity. It’s somewhat hard to believe that Aegon is the face of the Greens - their cause, their reason to wage this brutal war. Was he not just a young boy who did not choose any of this? A neglected son who was forced to abandon his dream of escape? A crown of thorns thrust upon him in spite of his resistance?

“Aegon - ” Aemonds warns, wary of his brother’s proximity to you. What in the seven hells could he be saying?

“Aemond,” Aegon sings in response, unfazed. “I’ve said my piece. My lady, I shall have my guards escort you when it’s time.”

“Alright,” you say, aware of Aemond’s watchful stare on you. In a split decision, or mayhaps a calculated move, you find yourself requesting, “do you mind terribly if I take Lord Ramsay Beesbury as my companion?”

“Oh, him?” Aegon looks to his brother, weighing his reaction, and immediately growing amused at the fury that he sees. “Well, you may take whomever you please, my lady.”

“She may not,” Aemond quickly counters.

Aegon merely grins, “It’s my party, brother.”

“I don’t fucking care.”

“I am your King,” Aegon states. “My word is final.”

"You could be the Smith himself, and I still would not care. She will not be taking him." Aemond says firmly. Only he can talk back to Aegon in such a way, and he surely takes advantage of this when he can.

They lock eyes, until Aegon bursts in a fit of unbridled laughter, his wine sloshing out of his cup.

"Gods be fucking good," Aegon wheezes. "You can hardly control yourself, dear brother." Winking at you, he says, "I suppose there is a damn good reason why they call us Greens. Aemond here is practically greener than Vhagar's slimy old scales with envy."

"Seven hells." Aemond curses in exasperation. Still, after all that, he throws you a look of warning.

You only smile sweetly in return, your mind already made up.

Satisfied with the outcome of this exchange, you nod to both of them, "I shall take my leave, Aegon. Aemond. But we shall see you on the morrow. Thank you for the invitation."

Aemond bristles at your emphasis on we.

Yet he cannot help but watch in adoration as you walk away, your skirts billowing lightly in the wind. His woman.

That Ramsay will not be able to anticipate what's coming for him.

I thoroughly enjoyed reading all of your comments from the previous parts!! Glad we are all on the same page - Aemond should suffer 🤷🏻‍♀️ (or at least, grovel and prove himself, for the next few chapters.)

taglist: @immyowndefender @bellameshipper @aemondswifeisme @bash1018 @fuck-the-reaper @shessthunderstoms @aemondsbabygirl @melsunshine @youtoldalie @snh96 @noxytopy @ellooo0ooo @brianochka @not-a-glad-gladiator @mac95650 @whitejuliana1204 @midnightmystic @saminalloxo @oh-no-tia @magnificentsapphiresoul @clara-geekhime @mariaelizabeth21-blog1 @ananas26t @iloveallmyboys @carriellie @summerposie @verycollectivecreator @toodlesxcuddles @brie-annwyl @dc-marvel-girl96 @bellstwd @bibli0thecary @happinessinthebeing @magnificentsapphiresoul

#aemond targaryen #aemond targaryen x reader #aemond targaryen imagine #aemond targaryen fanfiction #house of the dragon #asoiaf

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watchmegetobsessed · 10 months

Text

UNSPOKEN

A/N: i literally started writing this over a year ago, then forgot about it and now i revisited it and finished it. im not entirely satisfied with how it turned out to be, it's kind of one big clishé, but... i would hate if it went to waste, it's a long fic so here it is!

WORD COUNT: 9.8k

SUMMARY: Your college roommate wants to get you out of your shell and brings you to your first frat party. It's not quite your setting, but when you meet a nice boy in the bathroom it gets better. Right until he catches your roommate's eyes as well.

MASTERLIST | SUPPORT ME!

FRESHMAN YEAR

Your first ever college party is just like how you imagined it. Lots of drunk people, a frat house packed to its fullest capacity, music blasting so loud your ears will surely be ringing in the morning and lots and lots of anxiety. On your part, at least.

You’ve never been quite the party person, weren’t really invited to them most of the time through high school, but it seems like that’s about to change thanks to your roommate. Izzy is practically your polar opposite, judging from the two days you’ve known her, she was definitely part of the popular kids in high school and she’ll make herself a name in college as well. She seems nice and she was the one who dragged you to this party, some guy invited her, she met him on her first day on campus, they just randomly bumped into each other and of course, he tried to flirt with her. She is the kind of girl guys fall head over heels in love with within seconds, while you’re more of a wallflower. Seemingly it’s her mission to push you out of your comfort zone and get you to socialize more.

Normally you wouldn’t want to change, there’s a reason why you don’t like parties and lots of people around you, but because you’re desperate to find new friends, you’d do anything it takes and right now Izzy is your best shot at it.

“Come on, let’s get a drink!” she smirks and already pulls you towards the kitchen as if she was already familiar with the place.

There are bottles and red cups everywhere, you keep bumping into drunk people as you try to follow Izzy into the kitchen. She snatches a bottle of vodka as if it was waiting exclusively for her and pouring some into two cups she tops the drinks with orange juice, handing you one of them.

“Cheers to the best years of our lives!” she grins, bumping her cup against yours and you just smile as you both take a sip from the drinks.

“Wow, it’s… strong,” you say with a surprised frown, you haven’t been quite the drinker either and the proportion of vodka and orange juice in the drink is definitely wilder than you expected.

“That’s the point,” she winks.

You follow her around for the next about an hour, it seems like Izzy didn’t waste her time since her arrival and already made several friends. She keeps introducing you to everyone she runs into, though you remember just about no names minutes later.

You feel like you stand out, but you tell yourself it’s only because everyone is new and you’re overwhelmed by all the changes that’s been happening around you.

Excusing yourself you go and look for a bathroom somewhere upstairs. After opening a few wrong doors you finally find the one you were looking for and lock it behind you so no one can walk in. Just as you approach the toilet, a voice speaks up from the bathtub.

“Um, before you do anything, you’re not alone.”

“Holy shit,” you gasp in shock when you turn around and see a guy sitting in the bathtub. Your heart is about to jump out of your chest, you weren’t expecting anyone and it’s a luck he spoke up before you went on to use the toilet.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you,” he chuckles, holding his hands up in defense.

“I-It’s fine, I was just not expecting anyone to… be sitting in the bathtub,” you say, furrowing your eyebrows as you say it out loud.

“I know, I just… I’m having a break so I’m not forced to take another shot,” he shakes his head chuckling.

“And the tub was your best idea to hide? Aren’t people coming in to use the bathroom?”

“Well, yes, but more often to have sex than to actually use it.”

“Oh…” you breathe out.

“But I didn’t watch, if that’s what you’re concerned about, I let them know the room is occupied in time,” he grins and it makes you laugh. “Seemingly that’s not why you’re here, so I’ll let you use my little hideaway.”

He gets up and leaves so you can use the toilet in peace and you expect him to disappear, but when you walk out, he is standing by the door.

“You’re coming back?” you ask, as you switch places.

“I’m gonna enjoy some more peace,” he shrugs with a smile. “You can join me, if you want,” he offers and it comes as a surprise, because it feels like he genuinely wouldn’t mind it if you joined him.

Honestly, you could use a break from the madness outside, so before you could overthink, you nod and follow him inside, closing the door behind you.

The guy is already climbing back into the tub and when he has taken his spot, he gestures for you to do the same and sit across from him. It feels weird and ridiculous, but you join him at last, the cold surface of the tub feels soothing against your hot skin that heated up because of the crowd that’s outside.

“I’m Harry, by the way,” he introduces himself, holding a hand out for you.

“Y/N.”

“Are you a freshman too?”

“Is it that obvious?” you ask with a nervous chuckle.

“No,” he shakes his head smiling. “Just maybe a little bit,” he then adds.

Sitting in that tub, you engage into a conversation with Harry that flows so smoothly and easily, it almost feels like you’ve known him for longer than just about thirty minutes. He has a great humor and he’s exceptionally smart. All of that pairs with a pretty charming look and he almost feels too good to be true to be chatting with you at a party full of girls like Izzy.

Almost an entire hour passes, but you barely notice, his phone’s buzzing is what pops your little bubble.

“Ah shit, my friends are asking where the hell I went, I think I need to make an appearance,” he sighs, texting something back quickly. “Do you want to grab a drink?”

“With you?” you ask with wide eyes, which makes him chuckle.

“Of course! Come on, let’s show our faces.”

Harry climbs out of the tub and then helps you out as well offering you a hand that you gladly take and when you’re standing on your feet outside of the tub, his hold stays a bit longer, pulling you towards the door, only letting go of your hand when you step out of the bathroom. But even as you head downstairs, he places a hand to the small of your back, guiding you through the sea of drunk guests as you make your way to the kitchen.

The butterflies in your tummy are definitely going crazy, the attention and affection Harry has shown you in the past hour is more than what you’ve gotten from boys all your life.

“Alcoholic or something light?” he asks, looking around at the selection on the counter.

“Maybe something light,” you say and he doesn’t even try to convince you to drink something else. He pours some kind of juice into two cups and hands you one, bumping his cup against yours with a charming smile before he lifts it to his lips.

“I don’t know where my friends are, but they are up to no good for sure,” he chuckles as he looks around. “Do you want to look for your roommate?”

You open your mouth to answer, but right in that moment Izzy appears out of the blue.

“There you are! I’ve been looking for you for ages! Where did you go?”

“Oh, I was just…”

“My fault, sorry,” Harry speaks up. “I kept her up, bored her to death,” he adds chuckling. Izzy turns to face him and you immediately see the shine in her eyes upon seeing Harry while your stomach churns.

“And who are you, handsome stranger?”

“I’m Harry, nice to meet you. And you must be Izzy, Y/N’s roommate.” Harry holds his hand out but Izzy goes for a hug instead, which obviously surprises him, but he circles an arm around her waist anyway.

“Nice to meet you too, Harry, would you like to join me and my friends for a round of beerpong?” she invites him right away. Harry looks at you as if he is looking for your approval, but you feel like you have no power in this situation, Izzy is the boss, so you just force a smile to your face.

“Um, sure,” he nods.

The three of you join Izzy’s group outside at the beerpong table and you feel overshadowed even more now than before. Seemingly your roommate is very into your new friend, it’s pretty obvious Izzy is flirting with Harry, showing her liking to him, it doesn’t even occur to her that you might feel the same way about Harry.

If you were confident enough you’d stand up for yourself, you met Harry first and up until Izzy showed up it seemed like he liked you as well, but now he is too busy to pay any attention to you, because Izzy makes sure all of his attention is on her. But you’re not the type who speaks up that easily, so you just stand back and witness your roommate shamelessly flirting with the one guy you had your eyes on.

If you’re being honest you’re not surprised, only disappointed. If you were a guy you’d choose Izzy over you anytime, she is outgoing, gorgeous, charming, exactly what guys usually look for. Everything you’re not.

You go home that night on your own, Izzy is very much into partying until dawn, but you lose interest watching her cling onto Harry, so you sneak out sometime around one o’clock and go back to the dorm. You wake up when she arrives hours later, but pretend to be asleep in case she wants to brag to you about anything that might have happened between her and Harry.

The semester officially kicks in on Monday. It turns out Izzy has a class together with Harry and she goes on and on about how this is fate when the two of you meet at the dormroom later. You just sit and listen, nod along and try to swallow the bitterness in your mouth.

“I’m so happy you introduced me to him, Y/N!” she sighs dreamily and you can’t help but clench your jaw at her words. You never really introduced them, she just showed up and joined the conversation. She never asked if you liked Harry, if you wanted to shoot your shot. She just assumed she’s got the green light.

Harry sends you a friend request on Facebook and you accept it, he even starts to chat with you, which is nice and definitely makes your heart flutter, but knowing that he’s hanging out with Izzy and that she definitely wants to further their relationship, you remain a bit distant and cold so your heartbreak won’t be as bad.

A week later they officially become an item.

Izzy drags you along sometimes, even though you tell her you don’t quite like third wheeling, but she always tells you that won’t happen. It does and you hate every minute of it, so after a while you start to make up excuses just to avoid spending time with them.

It goes on for about two months, right until one day, out of the blue, Harry breaks up with Izzy. She is seemingly heartbroken and hurt, though you have a feeling it’s more about how her ego was hurt by being dumped rather than the actual emotional part of the breakup.

The aftermath of it is that it’s not said out loud, but it’s obvious Izzy doesn’t want anything to do with Harry ever and she expects you to do the same. She cuts out any and every possible future chance for you to even be friends with Harry.

ONE YEAR LATER

It’s a relief when you step into your favorite little café you found last year near campus. This has been your hideaway from the busy everydays. The smell of fresh coffee and pastries hits you instantly, the little bell rings above the door upon your arrival and a smile stretches across your face without even realizing it.

It’s your first time here since the start of the semester after the summer, you had a great vacation at home with your family, but it’s also nice to be back to your usual. It’s not a popular place, pretty hidden, so you don’t have to wait in line for hours, like at the Starbucks next to Building C. There’s only one guy at the counter when you arrive, two more people at the tables with plenty of empty seats available. You’ve written several papers at these tables, drinking coffee after coffee until you finished with your eyes red, head aching, but at least you could turn them in.

Behind the counter there’s a barista you don’t remember from last year. As you step closer you see her nametag says Sarah and she is smiling brightly at the guy in front of you as she hands him over the change that eventually ends up in a tip jar, as always. The guy moves over to wait for his drink and now it’s your turn.

“Hi, what can I get you?” she smiles warmly, her ponytail flipping around as she tilts her head to the side.

“A cappuccino please with a bit of cinnamon, on the go.”

“Alright,” she nods, pressing around on the screen in front of her. “That’ll be 3.65.”

You grab a five dollar bill from your wallet and hand it over to her.

“Keep the change.”

“Thank you,” she beams as her eyes wander down to the pin on your backpack while you put your wallet away. “Nice pin,” she chuckles and you look down at the Office pin you got last year. It’s Dwight’s head with the word ‘FALSE’ written underneath.

“Oh, thank you,” you chuckle. “You like the show too?”

“Love it and I made my boyfriend watch it with me too, he wouldn’t admit it, but he is a fan now too,” she says laughing. She seems like such a nice, genuine and open person, so you dare to further the conversation.

“Are you a new worker here? I used to come here all year last year, but I didn’t see you.”

“Yeah, I started in August. My boyfriend transferred here this year and I came with him.”

“You’re not studying?”

“No, I can’t really see myself going to college. So I’m here until I figure out what I want to do,” she shrugs smiling, it doesn’t seem like she’s bothered that she has no certain plans for her future.

“It’s better than to study something you absolutely hate,” you agree, chuckling.

“Oh, yeah!” she smirks, nodding.

You chat with Sarah until your drink is ready and you feel like you already made a new friend. She even let you know they are having a little open mic event on Friday where people can read their poems or perform a song freely. It sounds exactly like the kind of thing you want to do on a Friday.

Last year was a bit… hectic in terms of friends and socializing. With Izzy as your roommate she kept trying to drag you to different parties and events, she never asked if you even wanted to go or not, just expected you to follow her everywhere. At the beginning you complied, but later it became way too draining, so you made up excuses so you could ditch her plans.

Since you engaged with Izzy and her friends in the beginning, that’s what you ended up sticking to for the rest of the school year. You don’t want to sound ungrateful, but sometimes, or maybe often, you felt like you were an outsider in their group. Now you’re thinking about maybe looking for other people to hang out with, but you don’t really know where to start and you also don’t want Izzy to get the wrong idea about it.

As you walk through campus with your coffee in hand to get to your first class, you spot a familiar face sitting under a tree with two other guys. It seems like Harry has started to grow his hair out during the summer, his curls now reach his shoulders practically, but he is still wearing skinny jeans.

He looks good. He always does, but it seems like he got even more handsome throughout the summer and since you haven’t seen him. After the breakup you spotted him a few times around campus and it seemed like he might have even wanted to talk to you, but you avoided him like the plague. At first because of girl code, because that’s what Izzy wanted you to do, and later it simply felt awkward. Part of you was mad at him for choosing Izzy. Even though their relationship didn’t last long, he still chose her over you and that stung. Once again, you fell second after someone else and you didn’t feel like sticking around when you were just a second choice.

But every once in a while you think about him, how good of a friendship could have been between the two of you at least. The talk you had in that bathtub was probably the best time you had all year at a party. You think about the missed opportunity way more than you probably should, but not enough to actually approach Harry and give it another go.

He is laughing at something when his gaze falls upon you and you see him zone out of the conversation as he watches you continue your path. You want to look away, but something is not letting, your eyes stay focused on him and he stares back at you. For a split second it seems like he is smiling in your way, but that scares you and you turn your head, fastening your steps to reach the building and flee as soon as possible.

By the time you reach the entrance your heart is hammering your chest and you swear you could feel his gaze on you the whole time. You go on with your day thinking about those few seconds while you were looking at each other, but of course, you never mention it to Izzy.

“Gamma Epsilon party on Friday night, you’re coming, right?” Izzy bursts through the door of your shared room on Wednesday, her fingers relentlessly typing away on her phone. You’re sitting on your bed with your laptop on your lap, updating the schedule you’ve put together, fixing the color coding so it looks perfectly neat.

You look up at her and almost start thinking of an excuse, only to realize you actually have plans for that day already.

“I can’t, I have plans.”

Izzy stops in her steps and looks at you with clear surprise in her eyes.

“What plans?” she asks and the disbelief is quite apparent in her tone, which is kind of hurtful, but you let it slide. As if you couldn’t have plans on your own…

“There’s an open mic evening at Beachwood Café, I’m going there.”

“Beachwood Café? I have never heard of that place and who are you going with?”

“It’s off-campus. And I was invited by one of the new baristas, she seems pretty nice.”

“And you’d rather go there than to a party?”

“Well… yes, I guess,” you nod uncertainly, though it’s pretty obvious to you that your choice is the better one.

The look she gives you sends a shiver down your spine and it’s not the good kind. You almost want to apologize for making plans on your own, but your rationality knows you did nothing wrong. Yet, she still has the power to make you doubt yourself.

“Alright,” she then shrugs and acts like she doesn’t care, but the stinging feeling remains deep under your skin.

When Friday rolls around Izzy tries again a few times to get you to ditch the open mic event, but you don’t budge. There’s literally anywhere you’d rather be than at a frat party. So you put on a nice dress, do your hair and makeup the way you like the most and leave the dorm with an excitement you didn’t get to feel too often.

You’ve never been to anything like this and it’s surprising to see so many people at the café when you arrive. Usually it’s just a handful of customers lingering around, but today there are at least two dozen people taking up every tiny space in the small café.

“Oh, Y/N! Hi!” Sarah spots you from behind the counter as you step inside. You make your way through the people and greet her with a small wave.

“Hi Sarah. I didn’t think this is so popular,” you chuckle.

“Yeah, it’s a great success,” she grins winking at you. “I saved a seat for you next to my friends over there,” she says pointing to the back of the room.

“Thank you!”

“Do you want to have something to drink?”

“Maybe just a bottle of water for now.”

Sarah rings you up and once you’ve paid you make your way to the back to look for the seat. She said you’ll spot her boyfriend with his long hair and as she called it “hot Jesus look” so that’s what you’re looking for. There’s a tiny stage already set up near the counter with just one microphone and a stool and you’re curious what kind of performances you’ll see tonight. It amazes you that people just stand up in front of others and do this, you could never work up the courage to get in the center of the attention.

Navigating your way between the tables you finally spot who you assume to be Sarah’s boyfriend and just as you’re approaching him, you see who he is sitting at the table with.

There are three seats at the tiny table, one is empty, one is taken by Sarah’s boyfriend and the last one is taken by Harry.

He spots you just when you see him, freezing just a few feet away from them. It seems like he’s surprised to see you, but he also doesn’t appear to be upset by your appearance, maybe even pleasant.

“Hey, you must be Y/N, right?” Sarah’s boyfriend stands, holding a hand out for you.

“Uh, y-yeah,” you nod, shaking his hand.

“I’m Mitch and this is–”

“We actually know each other,” Harry cuts in.

“Oh, really?” Mitch smiles warmly. “Well, have a seat then,” he nods towards the empty seat that is of course next to Harry.

It’s awkward. For you, at least. Sitting so close to the one person you’ve been avoiding at all cost for about a year now and now he is just right there next to you.

You sit in silence for a while and you’re just nervously fidgeting with the bottle of water in your lap and then he is the first one to speak up.

“At least this time we’re not meeting in a bathroom for the first time in the semester.”

You want to stay serious, but you can’t. A smile tugs on your lips and the two of you start laughing together.

“This chair is more comfortable than the bathtub, if you ask me,” you giggle under your breath.

“Definitely,” he nods grinning. “So how do you know Sarah?”

“Oh, I just come here often and we just… you know, started talking.”

“You come here often? How come I never saw you? I drop by almost every day.”

“Well, I guess we just missed each other.”

“Mm. What a shame,” he hums and you can tell there’s more behind his words.

You stare back at him, there’s so much you want to say to him, yet nothing comes out of your mouth. You feel shame, regret and confusion, all at the same time as you look back at him, all the unsaid things hanging between the two of you.

Clearing your throat you turn to look ahead, feeling his gaze linger on you for a few more seconds but then a man steps to the microphone and the evening starts.

Even after the performances have started, more and more people arrive until the tiny café is so full, you can’t even drop a pin. You hear poems, songs and stories, originals and covers as well and you love all of them.

Harry seems to be enjoying them as well and you even start to discuss your favorite parts and the best thing is when you look at each other at the same time hearing something that caught your attention and you know the other one thinks the exact same thing.

You realize just how much you missed him. It’s almost like in the bathtub all over again and it doesn’t even process that a year has passed by and so much has happened.

When the performances are over they start to wrap up the evening, but the three of you remain sitting at the table, waiting for Sarah to finish. Mitch walks up to the counter to keep his girlfriend company while she puts the cups and glasses away, so it’s just you and Harry now.

“There was a frat party tonight, you didn’t want to go?” you ask, eyes focused on your nervously fidgeting fingers in your lap.

“I’m not really a party person, usually end up hiding in the bathtub,” he chuckles.

“So that’s your usual? Did you end up in the bathtub with someone else too?” you ask and try to sound as unbothered as possible, ignoring the stinging pain in your chest when you think of him having the same experience with someone else.

“No,” he smiles at you softly. “Only with one person, though I didn’t see her for a long time after that.”

And you’re back at the touchy subject, but this time you feel like you can’t avoid it.

“I don’t like to be the third wheel,” you mumble, heat crawling up the sides of your neck towards your ears.

“I didn’t go out with Izzy for long, you practically vanished even after we broke up.”

“Because Izzy is my friend and you broke up with her. I couldn’t side with you.”

“Says who?” he chuckles. “Besides, it wasn’t that deep. It’s not like we dated for years, we barely had a handful of dates.”

“But you had them,” you find yourself replying, your voice coming out a bit harsher than you intended.

Harry stays quiet for a while and you start to think he won’t add anything, he speaks up again.

“You were mad at me for going out with Izzy?”

You didn’t expect him to question it at all and now that he hit the nail right on the head, you feel exposed, almost naked as he is looking at you with questioning eyes.

“No, I–Um… I need to go,” you blurt out and grabbing your purse you launch to rush out of the café, but Harry is quick to run after you.

“Hey, wait! Y/N, let’s talk about it!” He jumps in front of you to block your way, a hand coming to grab your arm gently. “It’s the first time you talked to me in almost a year, don’t just run away, please,” he begs and suddenly you feel ashamed of how you just acted.

“S-Sorry, I just…”

“Harry!” You hear someone call from the entrance of the café and you both turn in the direction of the voice. Mitch and Sarah are stepping out, watching you with questioning looks. Harry sighs and waves at them.

“I’m walking Y/N home, I’ll meet you later!” They just nod and head in the other direction as Harry turns to you again. “Can we please talk? I don’t want you to leave like this, let me walk you home.”

“Okay,” you whisper nodding as the two of you start walking towards your dorm.

“So, I feel like you were mad at me for dating Izzy.”

“I was just… confused,” you say, looking for the best way to express what happened.

“About what?”

Sighing you realize you won’t be able to talk it out without giving away something.

“You didn’t seem like the type of guy who would go after a girl like Izzy. And it turned out you weren’t a match anyway, so… I don’t know, I was confused that you asked her out.”

“Okay, just to be clear, she asked me out and I thought going on a date could never hurt. It wasn’t that disastrous, but if I’m being honest I knew it from the beginning it wouldn't last long.”

“Then why did you even go into it?” you ask.

“I don’t know, I just started college, I was open to meeting new people. Who am I to judge someone so quickly?”

You hate that his answer is rational. You can’t blame him for not being judgmental, yet you still want to be mad at him.

“Besides,” he continues, “the person I really wanted to get to know didn’t seem to be interested in me.”

Your eyes snap up to meet his and your knees almost go weak when you see the tiny smile that’s curling up the corners of his mouth. Was that a hint? Did he imply he wanted to get to know you? As if Harry could hear your questions, he continues.

“After Izzy came up to us that night you kind of stepped back. I tried to reach out, but I felt like you didn’t want to talk to me anymore, so I didn’t force it. Izzy asked me out and I figured since you two are friends it was cleared, okay by everyone, but apparently it wasn’t.”

You stop in your tracks wrapping your arms around yourself as you chew on your bottom lip. It feels like the right moment to open up, but you haven’t done much of that in your life, so you don’t know how to do it without making a fool out of yourself.

“I just… I didn’t think you’d want to spend time with me when you could be with Izzy.” Harry sighs as he looks at you with a tender gaze.

“Y/N, I had a great time with you. When you were so cold towards me, I took it as a sign that it wasn’t the same on your part.”

“It wasn’t… I had a good time with you,” you admit truthfully, which brings a smile to his lips. “I just… Izzy seemed to like you too and…”

He doesn’t force you to finish, as if he could tell that talking about it makes you anxious, but he understands everything you’re trying to say.

“Izzy is a nice girl, but not really the type I usually hang out with.”

“Your friends from the frat seem to like her.” It slips out before you could even think about it.

“Actually, I spend more time with Mitch and Sarah and they are not at all like those guys. If you remember, I was kind of hiding from them at the party when we met.” The boyish smile definitely makes the butterflies in your stomach start dancing wildly. “Alright, let me make this clear, because I don’t want to dance around it anymore and I don’t want any misunderstanding either,” he starts and you hold your breath as you stare back at him. “I like you, Y/N. I liked you a year ago and I only went out with Izzy because you didn’t seem to be interested in me. But if you like me too, I would really love to spend more time with you. As friends, or… whatever else.”

This is new. Harry just openly told you that he is interested in you. Not in someone else, not in Izzy. You.

For the first time you’re not second behind someone else.

He smiles at you warmly, your shocked reaction is probably quite entertaining while you’re looking for the words to say.

“Do you want to spend more time with me, Y/N?” he then asks with that boyish smirk you love so much.

“I do,” you smile shyly.

“Great,” he nods.

He walks you back to the dorm and you catch up on everything that basically happened since the bathtub incident. School, friends, family, you feel like you’re continuing exactly from where you left it a year ago and it’s a relief that neither of you changed too much over the time. At one point he drapes his sweatshirt over your shoulders when he notices you’re feeling cold and it gets hard to focus on what he is saying when all you can smell is his sweet scent.

“I’m really glad we met again tonight, Y/N,” he smiles at you when you finally arrive at the dorm.

“Yeah, me too,” you return the smile and start to peel off the sweatshirt he gave you, but he stops you.

“Keep it.”

“But I’m here, I won’t need it inside.”

“Let’s say it’s the leverage that we’ll meet again, so you can give it back. How about lunch sometime this week?”

“That sounds great,” you nod and the smile just widens across your face.

“Amazing, then see you later,” he grins as he backs away and you just nod, biting into your bottom lip, but then he runs back to you and leaning down he presses a kiss to your cheek before finally turning around and leaving.

You keep smiling like an idiot as you take a shower and get ready for bed. Folding Harry’s sweatshirt neatly you put it over the back of your chair at your desk and every time you look at it your heart skips a beat. You did not expect things to take this turn, but you couldn’t be happier now. Smiling to yourself like a lovesick schoolgirl you hug your pillow as you try to get some sleep.

Izzy gets back to the room at around two in the morning. She almost trips in her shoes she left out before leaving and you wake up to her cursing in the dark.

“Sorry babe, it’s just me,” she sighs, as she starts to strip out of her clothes.

“You alright?” you ask groggily.

“Yeah, I’m fine, but you should have been there tonight! Rick jumped into the pool butt naked,” she laughs, falling onto her bed.

“Mm, sounds fun,” you reply, but it’s nowhere near genuine. You’re not interested in seeing some random fratboy butt naked and probably drunk out of his mind.

“How was your evening?”

“Great, I really liked it,” you say, a smile stretching across your face instantly. She doesn’t ask any more questions, it’s clear she’s not quite interested in how your night really was, but as she is about to get comfortable under the covers she spots the sweatshirt on the back of your chair.

“Whose sweatshirt is that?” she asks, but her tone reveals she already knows the answer. You hesitate and at last you decide to lie.

“Sarah’s boyfriend let me borrow it, I know her from the café.”

Izzy stares at the sweatshirt for a couple of moments before she pulls the covers over herself and turns to face the wall.

When you’re waiting for Harry at the school’s cafeteria on Tuesday, for a moment you think that he won’t come. Holding onto his sweatshirt you kept as a treasure since Friday you’re anxiously kicking around the dirt even though he is just one minute late to what you agreed on earlier.

“Hey! Sorry, Professor Hastings just loves talking,” he runs up to you and before you could even snap out of your thoughts he leans down and presses a kiss to your cheek.

“It’s alright,” you smile. “Here.” You hand him the sweatshirt and he just smiles before tucking it into his backpack.

Normally you eat with Izzy and her friends, but this time you take it away, because Harry says he knows a great spot. Behind building E there’s an old oak tree with a little bench underneath. The route behind the building is not too popular, it leads next to the trash containers, but when you reach the tree you sense nothing of it, so the bench sits unoccupied when you arrive.

It’s like a little picnic as you pick up the conversation exactly where you left it earlier. Talking to Harry is so easy, so natural, no doubt you missed him so much after you lost contact. You truly turn into a giggling mess every time Harry compliments you or looks at you with so much adoration you never thought anyone could.

As much as you’d like to spend the whole day like this, you need to get to your next class, so the picnic has to come to an end. Harry insists on walking you to your building, just so you can spend a little more time together.

“So, there is this party on Saturday, I’m kinda forced to go, but I thought that maybe we could… go together?” he asks, when you reach the building. “And also, if you’re free on Friday, I would love to take you out.”

“Like, on a date?”

“Yes,” he chuckles. “On a date.”

“Okay,” you breathe out, so swooned by his charm.

“To both?” he smiles brightly.

“Yeah, both sounds good,” you nod, chuckling lightly.

“Great! And maybe we could have lunch together some other time this week as well.”

“You’re suddenly occupying all my free time,” you giggle, but it’s not at all a complaint.

“I’m just that greedy,” he grins, before checking the time on his phone. “I have to run now, but I’ll text you, okay?”

“Sure,” you nod. Harry leans down and kisses your cheek before going his way and you can’t stop smiling for the next two hours.

You have lunch with Harry one more time this week and you go to the library with him too, spending more and more time together while slowly canceling plans with Izzy and her friends.

It remains in the back of your mind that sooner or later you’ll have to come clean. You can’t hide it for long and if things turn serious with Harry, she’ll for sure find out about it. You just haven’t figured out how to present it to her.

Hey, how has your day been? Mine? Oh, it’s been great, because lately I’ve been dating your ex. Okay, see ya later!

That would be a disaster. Knowing Izzy there’s no right way to tell her, it’s certain she’ll be fuming no matter how you put it. She very much implied that none of her friends can ever get in contact with Harry after their breakup, which was seemingly pretty rough on her, although… you’re not even sure you want to be friends with her anymore…

You didn’t miss that she’s been acting weird towards you and you’re guessing it’s because of the hoodie. She must have recognized it and she’s not stupid, she must be suspecting what’s really going on, it’s a miracle she hasn’t asked you straight in your face. Your time is ticking.

Friday afternoon you’re getting ready for your date and praying you can leave before Izzy gets back. You put on a nice dress, do your makeup and hair just the way you like it. Luckily, you get a text from Harry that he has arrived before Izzy returns so you leave in a rush, once again avoiding to face her with the truth.

He is waiting for you in front of the building next to a car you know for a fact he borrowed for the evening, wearing a pair of slacks with a funky patterned shirt tucked into it and a beaming smile on his handsome face.

“Hi,” he greets you softly, pulling out a rose from behind him and handing it to you.

“Thank you. You look good,” you chuckle, taking the rose.

“I should have said that to you first,” he laughs as he opens the car door for you.

“Sorry,” you grin and get into the car.

You haven’t been on a date, ever in your life, so you didn’t have high expectations for tonight, but Harry has definitely fulfilled all of them.

He takes you to a gallery where you wander around, talking about the abstract paintings and what you see in them, then comes a nice dinner and because neither of you wants the evening to end, you start walking around the neighborhood aimlessly, the conversation never really dies.

You feel like a fool for staying away from him for so long, you haven’t felt this good in such a long time and you were the only reason why it couldn’t happen earlier.

When you’ve passed the dormitory about five times you realize it might be time to say goodbye, you can’t stretch the evening any longer now.

“Thank you for tonight, I had an amazing time, really,” you tell him as you stop by the dormitory for the final time.

“You’re not just saying it to get rid of me, are you?”

“No,” you shake your head chuckling. “I mean it.

“Then, how about dinner tomorrow before the party? And then we can go together.”

The thought of arriving at the party with Harry reminds you that in that case you have to come clean to Izzy. Harry notices how your face falls and he thinks he said something wrong.

“We don’t have to, if it’s too fast, we can–”

“No, it’s not fast, it’s just that… I need to tell Izzy. I haven’t been able to get myself to do that.”

“You mean, about us?”

“Yeah.”

“So… there’s an us?” he asks, tilting his head to the side with a wide grin stretching across his face. You get nervous right away, as if you just made a fool out of yourself.

“I-I mean, i-it’s not, I just–”

“Y/N, stop,” he chuckles and stepping closer he cups your cheek in his hand. “I’m really hoping that there is an us, if it’s still not obvious.”

“Oh,” is all you manage to reply as he slowly closes the gap between the two of you.

His soft lips press against yours in a gentle, patient manner, as if he is giving you a way out of it, but you’d be a fool to break away from him. So when he feels you kissing him back, he deepens it, his tongue runs along your bottom lip and you let him in without hesitation. You haven’t had many first kisses and most of them have been terrible, to put it nicely, but with Harry… He practically melts your whole being, you just want to feel as close to him as possible as you lock your arms around his neck, he is everywhere, all you can feel and sense, but you wouldn’t have it any other way.

A kiss never felt this way and it scares and excites you at the same time.

You have no idea how long you stay like that, minutes or maybe hours, it could be a lifetime but even that wouldn’t be enough. Harry pulls away, but then peppers your lips with a few more tiny kisses before actually moving his head back.

“Do you want me to talk to Izzy?” he asks, his forehead resting against yours as he gently caresses your cheek with his thumb.

“Tempting, but I think I should be the one to tell her.”

“Or we could tell her together. Tomorrow, at the party?”

“Is that the best option? I mean, shouldn’t we do it more privately?” you ask hesitantly.

“Okay, then maybe I could drop by the dorm before the party and we can tell her then.”

“I don’t think she’ll take it well,” you sigh.

“Is there anything she takes well that’s against what she wants?” he questions arching an eyebrow and he is right. Izzy has a hard time accepting it when things don’t go her way. “So, let’s ditch dinner, I’ll be here at… eight? How does that sound? And we can talk to her together.”

“Okay,” you nod, smiling weakly. Leaning down he kisses you one last time before peeling himself off of you.

“See you tomorrow then,” he winks at you before jogging back to the car he left in front of the building while you were walking.

You told Izzy you wanted to talk to her before the party. She knew you wanted to talk, yet she is still nowhere to be found. It’s like she is purposely avoiding you.

It’s past eight, Harry is already in your room, the two of you are waiting for Izzy to show up so you could tell her what’s been happening, but she disappeared.

“She still hasn’t read my message,” you sigh, dropping your phone to the bed next to where Harry is sitting as you pace the floor relentlessly.

“Have you ever seen Izzy without her phone in her hands?” he asks and it’s a valid question. She is practically glued together with her phone 24-7, there’s no way she hasn’t seen your text.

“You think she already knows and she’s just avoiding talking about it?” you ask, chewing on your bottom lip. Harry reaches out and taking your hand he pulls you closer so you stand between his legs.

“I think that’s exactly the case. And if you ask me, she is acting like a child. Let’s just go to the party and talk to her there. We had the intention to do it privately, she didn’t want that. We can’t work everything around her all the time.”

You know he is right, but you’ve always been the kind of person who wants to please everyone. Izzy might have not been the best of friends to you this past year, but you still want the best for her no matter what.

“Okay, yeah, you’re right,” you nod. Reaching up he gently caresses the side of your face before pulling you in for a kiss.

You still haven’t gotten used to Harry just freely kissing you, every time he leans in and you feel his soft lips on yours your heart skips a beat, you can’t believe he wants you, that for once in your life you’re in the focus and that it’s Harry that’s so into you… it feels like a dream you never want to wake up from.

His hands cup your hips as he brings you close against him, curling his arms around your waist as he deepens the kiss, easing your nerves within just moments. Now you don’t really want to go to that party, it would be a lot nicer if you could just spend some time alone with Harry.

“Maybe, we could skip the whole party?” you suggest between kisses.

“Would love that, but I already promised I’d be there. They always tease me for being a party pooper,” he chuckles softly. “But believe me, I would rather be here with you than at a party.”

“Okay, then we are leaving early, right?” you propose.

“That sounds manageable,” he chuckles before stealing one more kiss.

You arrive at the party together, but until you talk to Izzy you keep your hands to yourselves, though both of you are dying to walk around hand in hand finally. It’s another frat party, nothing special or different from the ones you’ve been to. Drunk college students everywhere, couples making out in every possible corner and the single ones are trying to find a hookup for the night. This setting was never your cup of tea and it’s now just settling in your mind how Izzy always dragged you to these parties even though she knew you didn’t quite like them.

Looking around you spot her outside, talking to her friends as if you weren’t waiting for her at the dorm and it gets your blood boiling. Harry follows you out to the backyard, his presence is what keeps you collected enough not to snap at Izzy when you finally reach her.

“Hi girls,” you smile around politely. “Izzy, can we please talk? I was actually waiting for you in our room, I guess you forgot.”

“Oh, right! Sorry, it totally slipped my mind,” she says, but there’s nothing genuine about it.

“Okay, so then can we talk now, please?”

She takes a sip from her drink, as if she was debating whether she wants to hear you out or not, her eyes knowingly shifting between you and Harry behind you.

“Of course,” she nods at last and the three of you move to a more secluded spot to have a tad bit of privacy.

“I wanted to tell you before you find out from someone else, that… I’m dating Harry,” you say it calmly, hoping she won’t cause a scene, that’s the last thing you need right now.

You didn’t entirely think through what you’d tell her and now as she is staring at you with deadly eyes, you’re looking for the right thing to say, but she speaks up first.

“You really thought you hid it well from me?” she huffs. “I knew it when I saw his hoodie on your chair that night. I’m not stupid.”

“No one thought you were,” Harry says.

“Oh, so then you just decided to backstab me, that’s fine!” she lets out a dry laugh.

“Don’t be so dramatic,” Harry sighs.

“No one wanted to backstab you. It’s not how we planned, but it happened, alright? It’s nothing against you.”

“But I do think it’s something against me. You’re dating my ex, Y/N. Are you really that jealous of me?”

“I’m not jealous of you, Izzy. But honestly, you never even asked me if I liked Harry when you started dating him! You just assumed you were more of his type than I am and pushed me aside!”

Clearly, Izzy is surprised that for once, you’re standing up for yourself, because the stunned look on her face is something you haven’t seen often. It’s like you just solved a puzzle you’ve been struggling to finish for a year.

Izzy was never really your friend. She saw you more like a charity project, to look better next to you and she couldn’t put up with Harry being interested in you rather than her so she did everything she could to keep you away from him. But not that she failed, she is trying to make you feel guilty, but it’s not gonna work.

“I will be requesting to change rooms. It’s better if we just keep our distance from each other. I’m sorry this is how it turned out to be,” you say, truly disappointed it had to take such a bitter turn.

“Whatever, Y/N. I’m not wasting my time on you two, I have better things to do,” she spats and walks away. One year of friendship down the drain just like that.

“You did good,” Harry speaks up and turning around you can feel yourself easing up from the tension as you look at him. “Maybe she will come around in time. Or not, it doesn’t matter,” he chuckles as he pulls you closer by your waist, pressing a soft kiss to your lips.

“I would really like to leave though,” you sigh.

“Let’s get the hell out of here,” he agrees, not even caring about what his friends will say about his early departure.

You were done there, in every possible sense.

TWO YEARS LATER

“Thank you for your attention, it’s been a pleasure to teach you this semester and I wish the best for all of you in starting your career!”

Professor Turner smiles as he finishes the very last class you have as a college student. A round of applause washes over the room before everyone starts packing up and leaves the auditorium for the last time.

“I’ll see you at the graduation ceremony, right?” Claudia smiles at you, swinging her backpack over her shoulder.

“Yes! We need to take a picture together!” you beam at her.

These past two years you’ve made some great friends and Claudia is one of them. You had several classes together and bonded over a group project. After your initial fallout with Izzy, you were afraid you’d be on your own, but making friends turned out to be easier when you were looking at the right places.

And besides that, you wouldn’t have been alone. You had your amazing boyfriend.

As you walk out of the building you spot Harry by the same bench he has waited for you after Professor Turner’s class all semester. He is reading a book, but as if he had a sixth sense, he looks up when you walk down the stairs and slips his book back into his backpack before standing up and walking towards you smiling as he meets you halfway.

He curls his arms around your waist and sweeps you up from the ground while kissing you, making you laugh against his lips with his enthusiasm about seeing you again, even though you parted ways just a few hours ago.

“Hi,” you smile when your feet touch the ground again and he presses a kiss to your forehead.

“How does it feel to be free from school?” he asks, taking your hand as the two of you start walking back to the tiny apartment you’ve been renting for the past year.

You stayed in the dorm after you switched rooms and left Izzy, but you felt like you could use some privacy for the last two semesters, especially because Harry was living with two of his friends and there was basically no place where you could be alone. Now Harry spends more time at your place than at his, so it’s almost as if you’re living together, but you have nothing against the idea. You’re planning to move in together soon, it’s been your trial for the official thing.

“I’m not free and you aren’t either,” you chuckle. “We still have our thesis defenses and graduation.”

“Those are nothing, we’re practically free,” he smirks, giving your hand a playful squeeze.

If only you knew that the guy you sat with in a bathtub in freshman year would turn out to be the person you love the most…

Harry is talking your ears off, trying to convince you to go to the movies on the weekend when you turn a corner and almost bump right into someone.

“Oh, sorry,” you apologize, only realizing that it’s Izzy you almost walked right into.

She seems just as surprised to be facing you as you are to see her this close again. Following that party you only met a handful of times until you eventually switched rooms with a freshman. It’s been radio silence since then.

“Hi,” she breathes out and unlike the last time you faced her, there’s no sign of anger on her face as her gaze switches back and forth between you and Harry and then it slips down at your intertwined fingers.

“Hey,” you say softly and you hear Harry mumbling the same.

It’s awkward, how the three of you are now facing each other after being silent for most of your time in college. You would be lying if you said you never thought about making up with Izzy since your fall-out, but the thought never turned into an act.

“Um, see you guys at the graduation,” she breathes out, a nervous smile flashes through her face.

“Yeah,” you nod and return the smile with a genuine one.

You can feel there’s something hanging in the air, something unsaid that’s been there for way longer than what feels comfortable and as the moments pass by you start to realize that it won’t be addressed this time either.

With a round of awkward nods everyone moves on and keeps walking, but then for your surprise, Izzy calls after the two of you.

“Y/N, Harry, wait!”

Turning around she is right there in front of you and she takes a deep breath before speaking up.

“I just… I wanted to apologize. For how things happened… Between us.”

Looking away she tugs her hair behind her ears and then continues.

“I acted horrible. Like a… Like a child,” she chuckles. “I was jealous, there’s no doubt and not just because… it bothered me that Harry chose someone else who was not me.”

She attempts a smile in Harry’s way who is curiously listening to her talking while holding your hand, his thumb grazing your knuckles nonstop.

“I was not used to things not going the way I wanted them to and I never had that kind of instant connection you guys had… have. So, I’m really sorry for… well, for everything, basically.”

That was unexpected. But in the best way possible. You can tell she meant every single word and the Izzy standing in front of you is not the same girl you shared a room with. She has grown a lot and it looks good on her.

“I guess I’m sorry too,” you say. “I should have told you straight in the beginning that I liked Harry, so we wouldn’t have gotten into this whole situation.”

“Knowing who I was then, I would have still tried to take him,” she chuckles, but then her face falls, realizing this might come out wrong, but you laugh, knowing well what she meant.

“Maybe,” you shrug.

“Anyways, I’m happy you guys are still together,” she smiles. “Good luck for whatever you are planning after school.”

“Thanks,” Harry finally speaks up and pulling you closer he kisses the crown of your head.

“Good luck to you too, Izzy,” you tell her and genuinely mean it.

With one last nod you all turn around and part way.

“Well, I did not expect that,” Harry admits, when Izzy can’t hear you anymore.

“Right? But… It was very nice of her.”

“Mhm, at least the reunion won’t be that awkward this way when we show up.”

You bite into your bottom lip as you peek up at him.

“So, we’ll still be together at our reunion?”

“Of course,” he smirks at you confidently. “Married, with a dozen kids.”

“Harry, that’s biologically impossible to have a dozen kids by then,” you laugh, smacking his chest playfully.

“Okay, then just… half a dozen,” he grins, curling his arm around your waist to pull you in for a kiss.

Thank you for reading, please like and reblog if you enjoyed and buy me a coffee if you want to support me!

#harry #styles #harry styles #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles fanfic #harry styles oneshot #harry styles one shot #harry styles fluff #harry styles x you #harry styles x y/n #harry styles x reader #harry styles blurb

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magics-neptunes-things · 5 months

Text

Snowball and Jealousy

Hello everyone!

As chosen in the survey, here is a Christmas story with Leah Williamson! I hope you like it:) I imagined it in the same world as Fire and Ice 1 and 2.

Also it's longer than I first thought.

Happy reading!

TW: Still none.

You started dating Leah a little over a year ago, a few weeks before Christmas. Both felt it was too early to officially introduce yourself to your respective families, so you flew to Norway, your home country, to reunite with your family and spend the holidays with them. That didn’t stop you from thinking about Leah about every secondm and you had to refrain from harassing her with messages. You know very well how much the blonde cares about her family and how much she cherishes the moments spent with them.

This year, though, you’re going to spend Christmas with the Williamsons. You have already met Leah’s parents, brother and grandparents, but it’s true that you have not yet met everyone officially. I mean, that was before you walked into the huge house of one of her aunts, with almost all of the Williamsons. Hearing the noise, you instinctively take back a few steps, despite your hand tenderly entwined in Leah’s. She laughed at you and your sister-in-law patted you on the shoulder.

"Don’t worry, you’ll get used to it" she told you before Leah laid a kiss on your cheek.

"Let’s go find my grandmother" Leah says, and you agree.

It was a long way to get to her. You probably had time to greet everyone in the room before you got to her. You don’t have a large family on your side, your parents have made the choice to have three children because they themselves were only children. So you don’t have any cousins, while Leah has so many that you can’t remember all their names.

"Oh, my favorite, finally!" said the old woman, joyfully, holding out her arms in your direction.

You smile at her and willingly give her a hug letting go of Leah’s hand for the first time since you arrived.

"Well hello to you too Nan" says Leah sarcastically before kissing her grandmother.

You exchange a few words with her, which you appreciate very much. You miss your family when you are in England and she quickly took the role of the grandmother of heart. Which Leah seems to enjoy immensely, despite her teasing.

"Let’s go find our place" Leah said after a few minutes, when her aunt asked everyone to sit down.

You follow her closely and you have no trouble locating your seats, next to Jacob, Leah’s brother and his girlfriend. There you meet new cousins of Leah and you find yourself quickly to be part of their conversation. After the second entrance, you noticed that a girl around you and Leah’ age look in your direction very often. The first times your eyes crossed you thought it must be a coincidence, but with the passing of time you are not so sure.

"Who is it?" you discreetly ask Leah, leaning in her direction.

Leah’s gaze briefly flies in the direction you show her before she rolls with her eyes.

"Hailey, a cousin. We never got along, we only see each other at Christmas"

The answer makes you gently frown, you thought Leah loved every member of her family deeply. Seeing your look, Leah smiles at you and kisses your cheek, whispering that she will explain to you later. You nod again, putting your hand on her leg.

"Christmas games!" Leah’s uncle happily screams after everyone’s entries are over.

A big smile appears on Leah’s face, a smile you know well. The same as when someone offered a game of Fifa, the same one she has before a game of Uno. The one who announces that she will take the competition to heart and who amuses you a lot. Leah’s competitive spirit is known to everyone, as is her bad losing side. It amuses you a lot, especially when you have to cover her with hugs and kisses to cheer her up when she lose.

You smile a little less that said when the draw separates you from her. Luckily you find yourself with Jacob’s girlfriend, Joanna, as well as Hailey. You have unfortunately forgotten the names of other people, except James who is one of the children of his cousins.

"So you’re Leah’s new girlfriend?" Hailey says as you watch Leah’s team thrown into a game of Piccionnary.

"They’ve been together for a year and a half, I wouldn’t use the term new" laughs Joanna, sitting on the other side of you.

You nod and just smile, not taking your blonde out of your eyes. You smile as you see her little dance of joy and you find yourself letting your eyes slide over a particular part of her anatomy when she leans over to take a pen. Of course, this is the time she chooses to look back at you. Her amused smile and arched eyebrow make you understand that she perfectly understood what you were doing. You smile back and shrug, who can blame you for ogling your girlfriend?

"You’re from Norway, right?" asks Hailey

You turn your attention to her to answer her, also answering the questions she asks you about your native country. You could talk about it for hours. You’ve taken Leah twice already there and you can’t wait to leave for a whole week with her at least in January. You have to admit that you get a little lost in your conversation and you wonder why Leah and she don’t get along. She looks pretty nice. You don’t notice that says Leah’s upset look at you from a distance.

When the game is over, Leah quickly makes her way to you and puts her two hands on the armrests of your chair to lean over you.

"Come breathe some fresh air with me?"

"With pleasure" you smile

Leah doesn’t back down when you get up even if she gets up when you do. Your lips ghost hers, causing electric currents throughout your body. Your smile expands and you let her willingly put a kiss on your lips, before grabbing your hand to train you in the snowy garden. All of that, ignoring her cousin with perfection.

Children, dressed from head to toe, run and play, shouting joyfully. A soft smile appears on your face this time, the memories of your winters in Norway coming to mind. Since there are fewer people, you allow yourself to put your two arms around Leah’s waist and let yourself go against her. A year and a half has passed and you still find it frustrating not being able to touch her as much as you would like. But Leah is more of the kind to be discreet without being secret and you obviously respect her choices. On the other hand, you don’t see yourself going into an intense kissing session in public.

Leah puts her arms around you and puts several kisses on your face.

"Great victory" you do mischievously.

"As if it was going to happen otherwise" Leah replies with a goofy grin.

"I’m disappointed though, I won’t need to give you dozens of kisses to make you forget your defeat."

Leah laughs and you look up at her with a smile on her face. You love her laughter and being the reason of it.

"So, what’s the deal with Hailey?" you ask after a few minutes.

"Nothing special except she spent her teenage years flirting with my girlfriends or crushes and trying to steal them from me." sighs Leah, frowning. "It worked one time"

"Oh" you mumble while playing with her sweater. "She even tried with Jordan?"

"She never met Jordan. The first time she was in Australia and then Jordan was in her family. I didn’t really want them to meet, to be honest."

"Why?" you ask while frowning.

"I didn’t particularly want to see my girlfriend get picked up by my cousin."

The answer is logical, but your question involved something else. Leah has always been very honest with you about her relationship with Jordan. But you have to admit that to see that some people always seem to regret their relationship while you don’t hide yours… It’s painful. It obviously has nothing to do with a confidence you wouldn’t have in Leah, quite the contrary. You have complete and complete confidence in her. But your mind doesn’t wait à second to play with you. Are you less important on Leah’s life than Jordan was?

"Why am I here then?" you whisper after a moment of silence, trying to ignore the strange sensation in the pit of your belly.

"I thought she would have changed over time" sighed Leah "I was wrong."

Your insecurities give way to misunderstanding this time. You rise your eyes again, so that you can observe her at best.

"What are you talking about?" you ask while frowning.

"Oh please Babe, don’t tell me you didn’t notice her little game"

"We were just talking about Norway?"

You are lost and you look at Leah without understanding what she means. The pretty blonde looks at you a few seconds before smiling and rolling her eyes, realizing you aren't playing with her.

"It’s true that you have trouble realizing when someone is interested in you, I practically had to jump on you in a hospital bed for you to realize it"

You pout, even if your memories of that moment are intact in your memory. Like your first kiss, for that matter.

"When someone talks to you looking into your eyes, leaning in your direction with a hand on your arm or your knee, it’s an seduction attempt, Y/N."

"Oh."

Leah rolls her eyes again and smile before biting the corner of your jaw with a playful air on her face. You shove her elbow playfully, trying to escape her hold. You finally succeed, running away. Your feet slide on the snow trampled by others before you, but you manage to get away from Leah, passing the corner of the house. Knowing that you will not be able to walk away for a very long time, you take advantage of the few seconds that you have to take a handful of snow and turn it into a ball.

When Leah appears at the corner of the building, you send her the snowball, aiming a little too well since it arrives in full head. Fortunately, you didn’t squeeze the ball too much and the snow spread quickly in all directions and doesn't hurt her. It doesn’t seem to soften Leah, who stops dead and looks you right in the eyes.

"You’re so dead, Darling."

You swallow. You're so dead.

"I’m sorry?"

She resumes her race to catch you and you try to keep her in distance but she managed to catch you after a few meters, tackling you in the snow. The cold and humidity make you squeek, but it doesn’t stop Leah straddling your waist.

"I thought the Norwegians weren’t afraid of the cold?" said Leah maliciously, leaning over you.

"I never said anything about the snow getting in my clothes"

Leah laughs and throws you a handful of snow in the face to make a good figure and not show how much she has a soft spot for you. She has a reputation to uphold after all. But that doesn’t stop her from helping you rise up and take you back against her right after. You sigh at ease while putting yourself against her, your face in the hollow of her neck.

"I’m glad you’re here" said Leah after a few seconds, her lips in your hair.

"Yeah?"

"Mhm" she hums softly. "Just remind me to make sure to keep you away from Hailey next time."

"Will I really need to remind you?"

Your request is made with a small laugh and you lift yourself from her to look at her with amusement. Jealousy is a trait that you didn’t prepare for in her. But since you consider it a proof of love, it’s far from disturbing you. She’s jealous, but not so possessive. The difference is important to you.

"No, certainly not" Leah laughs before kissing your lips. "You’re mine."

"Yours"

You barely have time to exchange a new kiss that a cry of child sounds near you, making you both turn. Covered in snow from head to toe, James seems satisfied to find Leah.

"Lee! Jacob said the Arsenal players suck and then he threw me in the snow!"

"What?! I’m coming!"

Without hesitation, Leah hurries to join James and the Arsenal defenders in the snowball battle that began outside the house. When you come back with Leah’s coat, she’s already soaked, but she accepts it with pleasure. Her gloves too. And since you’re here, she takes the opportunity to steal a kiss from you before training you in battle. After all, it’s also your duty to defend Arsenal, right?

#woso x reader #woso imagine #leah williamson #leah williamson x reader #leah williamson imagine

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bagopucks · 5 months

Text

J. Drysdale - Orange, Orange, Orange

✄————————————

Jamie Drysdale x Fem!reader

Word Count: 2.6k

Warning(s): cuss words, reader wanting to strangle Trevor✨

—————————————

Everybody has their own playoff traditions. For most teams, it’s the beards. And every stadium also has a different approach. For the Anaheim Ducks and Honda Center, it’s ‘Paint It Orange.’

Jamie and Trevor go all out. Their apartment gets decorated completely. Orange throw pillows, orange plates and cups, orange shower curtain. Anything that can be replaced for cheap during the playoffs. It’s atrocious. I love seeing my boyfriend and his clingy bestie, but god I hate seeing that orange. It’s too much.

Do I tell them that? Absolutely not.

The boys love it. They love getting into the playoff spirit, and I’d even venture to say it’s a ritual now. A superstition that they add to every year. This year I was anticipating orange drapes or maybe even an orange carpet.. but I couldn’t have been farther from the right idea.

Trevor and Jamie had been radio silent all day. Both in our group chat and in individual texts. It was unlike them. Especially Jamie, who always texted me in the morning. I was suspicious, but I didn’t think too much into it. We were coming up on the first playoff game. Two days away. It was likely that they were only anxious. Antsy.

I thought maybe a quick box of donuts might be nice. I swung by a local donut shop and picked up two dozen before making the drive to their place. Jamie always enjoyed the jelly filled and chocolate covered ones, but Trevor had so many things he enjoyed that it was hard to remember all the flavors. And knowing these boys and their appetites, it was safer to get two dozen.

When I got to their place, I gently kicked their door with my foot a few times, seeing as my hands were full. I heard a faint, ‘coming’ from Trevor. I eyed the orange wreath on their door while I waited. It was new. That must have been the addition for this year’s playoff run. They hadn’t had one in a while. I would have expected something more drastic to celebrate.

When the door opened, I was met with a shirtless Trevor. His long hair was pulled back in a ponytail -no doubt one I left behind at some point- and his shorts were covered in orange. His arms had a bit of the orange substance on them as well. My brow furrowed.

“Hey! You brought us donuts. That’s awesome.” Trevor smiled, “can you bring ‘em inside? Just toss them on the counter.” He stepped aside, letting me in before he shut the door and locked it.

“Trevor, what’s going on?” I asked as I walked through the house, greeted by the ugly oranges of their decorations. I set the boxes of donuts on the counter, opening one to pull out one of the jelly filled treats. I took a bite out of it as I turned to look at Trevor.

“Stuff.” He answered, nodding a little too dramatically for me to believe him.

“Where’s Jamie?”

“Out.” I didn’t like or believe that answer either.

“Doing what?” I pressed on.

“Hey! Who’s that?” I heard Jamie shout, his voice echoing from a room I could only assume was the bathroom. Trevor’s face fell the moment he knew he’d been caught in his own lie.

“It’s your girlfriend! She brought us donuts!” Trevor called, the volume of his voice irritating my ears. I winced.

“You’re such a liar, Trevor.” I scoffed out, shaking my head at him.

“Tell her to come here! She can help!” Even yelling, Jamie’s voice sounded soft.

Trevor looked at me with a cautious gaze, and I narrowed my eyes at him.

“Why don’t you want me here?” I immediately asked, accusation in my tone. Trevor refused to answer right out.

“Oh boy…” he mumbled. Clearly, he knew whatever I was about to see, I was not going to like. “Come on.”

I followed incredibly close behind Trevor, contemplating a few times, simply pushing him out of the way. But once we got to the bathroom, I was glad we’d taken our time getting there. It gave me time to brace myself.

The gasp I drew in was second to none, horrified and surprised in the worst ways.

I stood there in shock for maybe a total of ten seconds. A ticking time bomb.

“So… you like it?” The optimism in Trevor’s voice set me off.

“What the fuck?” I shouted, staring down at my shirtless boyfriend and his lathered orange hair. “Jamie! What the fuck?”

Trevor was standing behind me, and I could tell the boys were looking at each other when my boyfriend’s eyes drifted past me.

“This is why I told you not to invite her.” Trevor mumbled. I spun on my heels.

“Because I don’t want my boyfriend looking like..” I paused, looking back at Jamie. He flashed me a nervous smile. “Like the Lorax?” I wasn’t necessarily angry.. just.. caught off guard. Nobody informed me of this. Nobody told me I was going to have to look at Jamie like this for possibly months.

“So you don’t like it?” Jamie’s smooth voice piped up, causing my tense gaze to move from Trevor back to the once dark haired man. I pursed my lips, trying to calm myself as I noticed the concern in Jamie’s features.

“I’ll be honest with you J.. I don’t. No.” His face fell. I shook my head as I kicked my shoes off and stepped onto the dirty towels on the floor. I glanced at him in the mirror, then back down to his figure sitting on a foldable chair. I immediately reached for a silky lock of wet orange hair, still covered in fresh dye. “Oh my god…” I mumbled, feeling like a mother with her child.

“That bad, huh?” Jamie inquired, eyeing my reflection in the mirror.

“I love you.. just.. not your orange hair.” He was slow to nod. Jamie never liked knowing I didn’t like something. I always tried to tell him that it didn’t matter. Just because I didn’t like something, didn’t mean he needed to change it or throw it away. But he always wanted to make me happy. I could tell though, that this stressed him out. Because he couldn’t easily fix this.

“It’s not that bad.” Jamie tried to reason.

“No it’s pretty bad.” I wanted to card my hands through his hair, but I couldn’t. These idiots. God knows what this would turn out like. “Jame- your hair is so dark.. what if this turns out looking like shit? Like actual shit? Did you guys even bleach it enough?” Jamie, nor Trevor had a good response. So instead, my boyfriend opted to change the topic.

“Trevor‘s gonna do it too.” I looked back at Trevor while Jamie’s eyes were fixed on himself in the mirror.

Trevor shook his head with a snicker. My brow furrowed at his amusement, and the lines connected when I noticed Trevor was not worried about his own perfect hair.

I realized quickly that this was not a playoff ritual. This was Trevor tricking his best friend into something embarrassing. I would have considered it a prank if I didn’t know how humiliated Jamie would be once he found out.

I wanted to strangle him. I wanted to yell at him. I wanted to grab Trevor by the hair and throw him off the roof. Instead, I came up with a much less hostile approach.

“Thats really sweet of you Trev. At least if it ends badly Jamie won’t look… orange all alone.” I cooed. Trevor looked confused, but I let him off the hook for a moment.

“I don’t like this look.. I really don’t, but if it’s for playoffs, I understand. How much longer does this have to sit, J?” I asked, watching him reach for his phone on the stained counter.

“Thirty more minutes.” I nodded gestured for him to move and sit on the edge of the bath tub. He did so with ease.

“You want this?” I presented the donut I took a bite of to him, and Jamie quickly reached for it. He mumbled a sheepish, ‘thanks,” in return.

“Trevor,” I immediately turned to him. “I’ll help you with your hair.”

It was Trevor’s turn to be concerned, shaking his head and laughing anxiously.

“No.. no.. J’s got it.” He took a step back to escape the bathroom.

“No, I insist. I’d rather it not get anywhere else on Jamie anyway. His arm hair doesn’t need to be orange too. Come on.” I grabbed his arm, pulling him a bit forcefully back into the bathroom.

“I think it’ll look so good on you, Trev.” I taunted as I pushed him down into the chair. “J, can you go get me a drink from the fridge?” Jamie looked up from his phone and nodded, slipping out of the bathroom.

“Fuck you Trevor,” I hissed quietly, “you know how embarrassed he would have been? He probably would’ve chopped all his hair off.” Trevor’s eyes quickly found the floor. I wondered if he even thought this idea through entirely.

“I wish you wouldn’t be so rough on him sometimes. He’s not you, Trev.” My tone softened -though the annoyance remained- as I glanced down at all of the items on the counter. I reached for the bleach and prepped it before grabbing a spare pair of gloves, slipping them on.

“This one was pretty bad, huh?” Trevor muttered, right before Jamie returned with the water. I flashed him a smile as he set it on top of the toilet.

“Getzlaf‘s gonna love this look on you guys.” I was quick to change the subject, beginning to lather the bleach in Trevor’s hair. He may not have even needed it, but I decided to go with it for safe measure. I peeked over at Jamie, who was watching with curious eyes. I realized he already had another donut in hand. I also realized, that the poor kid’s eyebrows were still as dark as can be.

“He’ll support us.” Trevor reasoned.

“I’m sure he will.” Sarcasm laced my tone.

“I think we’ll look pretty cool.” Jamie’s excitement made me feel bad for knowing what I did about Trevor’s plans. And it made me feel bad for disagreeing in my head.

“The coolest, J.” I responded, trying to sound genuine.

It took me around ten minutes to get Trevor’s hair covered well. At that point, it was a waiting game for Jamie. Another fifteen minutes went by where I sat by my boyfriend on the lip of the bath tub, leaning on him as he scrolled through his phone, occasionally moving an orange lock from his eyes that kept falling astray. His mother didn’t like it when his hair got too long, I could only imagine what she’d say when she saw it was a whole new color.

When Jamie’s hair timer had gone off, I made Trevor go and grab me a cup. I helped Jamie sit on the floor and lean his head back into the bath tub, sighing to myself as I turned the bath tub on and found a comfortable temperature for the water.

When Trevor returned with the cup, I took it from him and filled it, resting my hand over Jamie’s eyes as I poured the first round of water through his hair, pushing my fingers through after. This was gonna take a while.

“I’ve seen you blonde.. but this is something else..” I mumbled. I did find momentary joy in the way Jamie’s eyes were closed, enjoying the feeling of having someone wash his hair. His orange hair.

“If this comes out bad, I’m taking you both to the local salon.” I added, getting to a point where the orange didn’t completely stain the water as it went down the drain. I turned off the tub faucet and asked Trevor to get me a towel, which he came back with faster than the cup.

“It’s not Carla,” Trevor shook his head. I glared at him.

“I don’t really care who it is. You’ll go unless you want to look like an off brand red head.” Jamie’s eyes opened, worriedly looking between me and his best friend.

I grabbed the towel from Trevor and turned back to my boyfriend, wrapping the towel around his hair and squeezing it a few times before I helped him sit up, and draped the towel over his shoulders.

“Move.” Trevor didn’t look very pleased that I was kicking him out of his seat, but he did nonetheless. Jamie slipped back into the foldable chair, and I bent over to search the cabinet beneath the sink for my spare hair dryer. When I spotted it, I was quick to pull it out.

I eyed the cord for a moment. “I don’t wrap my hairdryer cords like this.” I glanced between both boys, curious as to who had used my dryer while I was away.

“Sometimes my hair doesn’t dry fast enough before I go out.” Jamie’s gentle confession made my gaze soften.

I plugged the cord into the outlet and opened the medicine cabinet to grab one of the combs inside.

“Wait that’s mine!” I glared over at Trevor before putting the comb back and grabbing the other. Part of me wanted to snap his in half. Torturing Jamie and he still thought he could sit there and make requests.

I turned the hair dryer on, pointing it down at my lover as I slowly ran his comb through his hair. He looked pleased with all the attention. I didn’t mind it.. I just wished I could have given it to him under other circumstances that didn’t involve orange hair.

As his hair dried, the orange took on a much lighter look. Still hideous, but it looked like it would match the jerseys. Jamie took a few pictures of it.

When I had his hair mostly dry, I turned the dryer off and set it on the counter with the comb. I ran my fingers through his hair a few times, ruffling and fixing the part, before I leaned forward to press a kiss to his head.

“Do you like it now?” Jamie spoke softly, his eyes searched my expression in the mirror.

“It’ll grow on my eventually.” I tapped his shoulder. “You wanna help me finish Trev?”

“Oh! Yeah!”

“Trevor sit on the floor and lean your head over the bath.”

I repeated the process of washing hair with Trevor, this time with the help of Jamie, who really just handed me shampoo when I needed it.

When I had his hair washed and towel dried, I had him and Jamie switch places again, and I began to dry Trevor’s hair- with his own comb. After I was sure every strand was no longer damp, I put my dryer away and set Trevor’s comb aside.

“I think when we’re done, you guys should send some photos to your mothers.” I advised, smiling to myself at the thought of either woman’s reaction.

Jamie’s head shot up from his phone. Had he not considered his mother as a factor before agreeing to this?

“She’s gonna flip…”

He hadn’t.

“Oh my god, Jamie-“ I hid my face in my hands to mask my frustration.

“Can you call her with me?” His request was met with a reluctant no from myself.

“You made your bed, lover. And this one you have to lay in alone.” I chuckled. “Good luck.”

✾❀✾❀✾❀✾❀✾❀✾❀✾❀✾

#nhl imagine #nhl x reader #jamie drysdale blurb #jamie drysdale imagine #jamie drysdale x reader #jamie drysdale #trevor zegras blurb #trevor zegras imagine #trevor zegras

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starkwlkr · 11 months

Text

a little too much | charles leclerc

a very happy dilf day to jenson button and sebastian vettel!

All week Ruby had been wiggling her loose tooth trying to get it to fall off. Ever since she was told that the tooth fairy would bring her money in exchange for her tooth, she was desperate for it to fall off.

“Ruby, don’t do that. It will fall off on its own, you just have to be patient.” Y/n said to the little girl after dinner. As Charles and Y/n cleaned up the dinner table, Ruby ran to the bathroom and checked her tooth in the mirror.

“Arthur should be the one to give her the money since he told her about the tooth fairy.” Charles joked. He already had money put aside for when Ruby finally lost her tooth and it was his job to slip in a couple of euros under the girl’s pillow.

“You know she told me she’s expecting enough to get that barbie dream house but she wants the one with the pool so her barbie’s can swim in it.” Y/n explained. Apart from talking all week about her tooth, Ruby also had her eyes set on the Barbie dream house she saw weeks ago in the store.

“She already has two of those. My mother got her one and I bought her the other one.”

“She has two because her papa couldn’t resist buying her anything she wants. What was it you said? Whatever Ruby wants, Ruby gets? I love you for making our daughter happy, but she doesn’t need a million toys.” Y/n kissed her husband’s cheek.

“She’s only little for a while, amour, I want to enjoy it while I can.”

A week later, Charles and Y/n were invited to a party by Joris. And of course Charles took advantage of the alcohol. Pascale had offered to look after Ruby so the couple could have a day off from parenting. Ruby loved being with her grand-mère. She even showed Pascale her loose tooth and when she tried to wiggle it with her tounge, she felt the tooth move more than it did before. Seconds later, Ruby spit out her tooth into her hand and proudly showed it to Pascale.

“The tooth fairy is coming!” She ran around the house holding her tooth.

“She is! How much do you think the tooth fairy is going to bring you?” Pascale asked the excited girl.

“A lot! I’m going to buy Barbie’s dream house that comes with the pool and all my Barbie’s are going to live in it.” Ruby explained.

By the time Y/n and Charles arrived home, Ruby was fast asleep with her tooth under her pillow. Pascale had informed them of it when they arrived. She also saw how Charles was being held up by Y/n since he had a little too much to drink.

“Thank you for taking care of my Ruby, maman.” Charles said as Y/n helped him up the stairs.

“Take care of yourself, Charles. I’ll see you two soon.” Pascale smiled and left the Leclerc house.

“I’m taping your hands so you don’t ever have another drink ever again.” Y/n teased.

“I will find a way to drink.”

When the couple finally made it to their room, Charles threw himself on his bed and let out a sigh. He missed his bed all day.

“I’m going to take a quick shower. Go to sleep, I mean it.” Y/n kissed Charles and walked to the bathroom.

While his wife was busy, Charles remembered about Ruby’s tooth. He groaned as he moved to his side to grab his wallet from his back pocket. Then he forced himself out of the bed and stumbled to Ruby’s room, trying to be quiet.

Ruby’s room wasn’t completely dark. She had rainbow night light illuminating her room. He gently lifted Ruby’s pillow and grabbed the small tooth then placed the money where the tooth was. He then managed to make it back to his room without Ruby or Y/n noticing.

When morning came, the first thing Ruby did was check under her pillow and what she found made her extremely happy. In school, her teacher had taught her about money and it’s value so when she counted it, she was 100% sure it was enough to buy her Barbie dream house.

In the kitchen, all the Leclerc’s had reunited for breakfast. Charles was still in pain, but with some painkillers and breakfast, he was soon recovering. Arthur had been teasing him all morning.

“So, how much did you give Ruby for her tooth?” Arthur asked.

“Four or five euros. She’s probably going to spend it on candy.” Charles replied, grabbing his orange juice and drinking from it.

“Papa! Maman! The tooth fairy gave me one hundred euros!” Ruby ran to the kitchen where she found her entire family eating breakfast. That made Charles choke on his drink and spill most of it on himself.

“Ruby, let me see,” Ruby handed her mother the money she was given. After double checking, it was clear that Ruby definitely had one hundred euros. “Wow, the tooth fairy did give you a lot of money.” Y/n glanced at Charles, who frantically searching for his wallet.

“Can we go buy Barbie’s dream house? My Barbies told me they want the one with the pool.” Ruby asked.

“Barbies don’t talk.” Arthur teased. He and Ruby always joked around with each other.

“Not to you.” Replied Ruby. “Ask uncle Enzo. Tour guide Barbie told him Italy is the best place to ask auntie Charlotte to marry him.”

Lorenzo nodded, playing along with the girl. “It’s true. Tour guide Barbie doesn’t lie.”

“Is there a teacher Barbie so she can teach your papa how to count?” Y/n asked.

Ruby stayed silent and thought about her collection of Barbies. Then she gasped. “There is.”

#formula 1 #f1 x reader #formula 1 imagine #f1 imagine #f1 x you #charles leclerc #charles leclerc x reader #charles leclerc one shot #baby leclerc series #dad!charles leclerc #charles leclerc imagine

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cameronspecial · 7 months

Note

Can i request a Rafe x pogue! Reader of reader probably ignoring all his calls and texts and he shows uo at her house and ahe gets nervous because everyone can see his truck parked outside her house and she's rushing him inside the house

I Want To Be With You

Pairing: Rafe Cameron x Pogue!Reader

Warnings: Underage Marijuana Use

Pronouns: She/Her

Word Count: 0.7K

Rafe is probably the most surprised that he is dating a Pogue, but how could he not fall for Y/N when she is the only one who could see the full potential in him? He also never thought he would be needy for her either. “Come on, Baby. Why aren’t you answering your phone?” he groans into his phone as he is sent to voicemail again. His fingers go back to sending texts asking what she wants to do tonight. They all go unanswered.

———

Y/N’s knee bounces as she stares at the buzzing phone on her coffee table. Thankfully, Kie, JJ, John B and Sarah are all too high to notice and Pope is too focused on his book to notice either. She really wishes she could get high with them to help ease the stress of keeping her relationship a secret, but she knows Rafe would get jealous of her using someone else’s stash. She couldn’t answer his calls because she wouldn’t be able to hide her excitement from them and it would warrant questions. Any attempt at getting them to leave has not worked. “You guys, my parents are going to be here any moment and they would kill us if they find you high,” she tries to scare them.

However, their attention is focused on something outside the window. Sarah’s eyes narrow at the car, “Is that my brother’s car?” Y/N scrambles off of the couch and joins them. Of course, it is his truck. He’s about three hours too early, yet, it really doesn’t surprise her that he is. He always gets worried when she doesn’t answer and when he is worried, he gets clingy. “Uhh, no. That’s my neighbour’s truck. They have very similar license plates. I actually need to put the garbage out, so I’m going to go do that. I made brownies. Go eat them in the kitchen,” she excuses, running outside and sneaking to the passenger side of Rafe’s truck.

She pops up from her crouched position, knocking on the glass to ask him to roll it down. “You haven’t been answering my calls, Baby,” he pouts. He moves himself over the centre console so he is sitting in the passenger seat. He gives her a kiss on the lips. She shakes her head, “Because I’m currently hanging out with your sister and all of our friends.” “You spend all your time with them. What about me?” he whines, placing his head on her neck.

“I’m supposed to hang out with you at seven, Rafey. You are about three hours early.”

“Well, like I said, you weren’t answering my call. I thought you were hurt so I HAD to be early, so let me just turn my engine off and we can go inside to cuddle.”

“You know you can’t. Everyone is still inside. Why don’t you go get some snacks for tonight and come back?”

The childish frown he gives her makes her sigh. She knows he is going to throw a tantrum if he isn’t in her warm embrace any time soon. “Okay, you can come in, but through my window. Let me go inside and distract everyone then I’ll open the window for you,” she proposes. His mouth turns into a massive grin, “My second favourite way to get into your house. You promise to cuddle once we are inside?” “Yes, you just have to wait until I chase the others out.” Y/N makes her way back inside to the kitchen. The empty tray of brownies disappoints her when she remembers that she could convince Rafe to make some with her. Maybe they could bake it into an edible. “Oh, no. All the brownies are gone, guess you have to go now. Remember, let Pope drive and don’t talk to your parents,” she chases her friends out of the kitchen and house.

Once the door is locked up, she heads to her bedroom window. However, she is surprised to find Rafe already in her room on her bed. “How did you get in?” she pounders, kicking her shoes off to lie down beside him. His arms quickly engulf her in a hug, “When it comes to being with you, a locked window isn’t going to get in my way. I couldn’t wait to be with you.”

“God, you are so clingy. You couldn't even wait five minutes to be with me.”

“I am. And proud of it. You are the only person I ever want to be with.”

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johannestevans · 11 months

Text

I came out as trans at about fifteen or sixteen, changed my name, and I’ve lived as a man since. As a young man doing my A-Levels, going to university, and working afterwards, I was out as a man, using he/him pronouns, using my actual name —

Two pictures of me, one at age 16, the other at age 19.

To people who had no idea what a trans man looked like, it was pretty easy to give people a funny look and say, “I’m a man,” in a tone that made them suddenly flustered and nervous, because cis people feel extremely guilty about misgendering another cisgender person in a way they don’t when they know you’re trans.

I was thin, had a lower-toned but still not masculine voice, didn’t have much of a chest — I got gendered correctly automatically maybe 30 or 40% of the time, and maybe up to 50% if I employed shame in the right way, implied I was cis with a hormonal imbalance, or if people assumed I was still a teenage boy rather than an adult.

To people who did know what a trans man looked like but weren’t trans themselves, talking to them was fucking excruciating.

I remember once when I was selling house alarms and some hideous cis girl asked, “Are you transgender?” and I immediately told her, “Nope,” as she kept questioning the point. Another time, I was in the back of a taxi when a man asked if I was trans, although thankfully when I told him, “Nope, just low testosterone,” he seemed to immediately believe me and back the fuck off.

It’s one of the reasons I feel conflicted about trans visibility — it’s great for other trans people to see a variety of trans representation, but cis people knowing what trans people are is a double-edged sword, because cis people are entitled, invasive, and often just straight-up weird about gender, most of all when they think they’re being allies.

When I started working at a hotel, my immediate boss was a very abusive woman — she was petty, vindictive, and because she had poor organisational skills and frequently got flustered by her own workload, she would take this out on any staff around her, whether that was her juniors, other management, or sometimes guests.

Her being abusive in the workplace wasn’t that unusual. Now and then the managers would misgender me, and I’d correct them, and they’d brush it off as they apologised, that sort of thing.

Because this manager identified as an ally, she flipped her fucking lid.

She went off on a tirade for some ten minutes about what a great ally she is, and how much she knows about and cares about trans people, and how a lot of people wouldn’t hire a trans person, and she volunteers with local queer groups (she was at the time a mediocre DJ, and frequently DJed at a local gay club), and all this bluster.

Over one (apparently needed) correction.

All she needed to do was not misgender me — a quick “sorry” might have been nice. A ten-minute rant about how she was a saint for hiring me?

Not really necessary.

Cisgender people hate trans people — and I know some cis people reading this are immediately raising their hackles and about to go “well not ALL cis people — “ because they’re allies, and it’s important that I know that they’re a good one, actually, and they’re a real ally.

But the reason that cis people have a knee-jerk negative reaction to trans people, intersex people, and any person that they have decided is gender non-conforming, the reason they respond so punishingly to our existence or to mild misbehaviours on our parts — such as demanding respect or correcting their mistakes — is because our very existence is an interruption to their worldview, the ideologies and biases by which they live.

They should know what a man is just by looking at one, and if they get it wrong, that’s embarrassing for them — because to cisgender people the binary male-female divide is crucial to the way they respect or disrespect others, people that interrupt their thinking on it can trigger a lot of rage and upset. A trans person represents a frightening challenge — what if they accidentally treated a man with the casual disrespect that is rightfully allotted women? What if they sexually objectified a man thinking he was a woman, and it made them gay for a moment?

If they think you’re cisgender and heterosexual enough, any of these things are their fault, and they feel very bad about them.

But if you’re trans?

Well, it’s your fault for existing that way, right? You’re the one doing genders wrong — they’re not the one that made the error!

There’s a particular rage reserved for trans men, lesbians, and any other trans or GNC person that’s perceived as being “biologically female” — because society feels the greatest gender-based entitlement over these people’s bodies, in large part due to institutional misogyny, we’re perceived as gender traitors.

Cis men hate us because we’ve ruined what they perceived as a resource for them — a source of sexual gratification and aesthetic pleasure, a breeding vessel for birthing babies, not to mention a mother with all the domestic labour that comes with; cis women hate us because they perceive us as gaining all the privileges of being male, of gaming the system, and at the same time breaking what they sometimes feel is a sort of sacred trust of femininity.

In order to cope with institutional misogyny, some cis women effectively craft a further gender-based bioessentialism — if you have a uterus and are perceived as a woman by society, you’re not just physically capable of birthing a child. You must also innately have the traits of an ideal mother — you must be nurturing and lovely, you must be caring, you must have the correct emotions, you must be submissive in the right way. But also, a woman like this must be cleverer than a man, and if she effectively parents or cares for the men in her life, she just does that because she is so smart, and men are so stupid.

Again, trans people represent an interruption to that mode of thinking. If trans people are real, and we’re the genders we say we are, all of that ideology is nonsense.

If I, a trans man, can just “choose” to be a man, doesn’t that mean that every woman that experiences misogyny is just “choosing” misogynistic abuse?

The fact that as a trans man, I experience abuses that are linked to misogyny is irrelevant — that I’m at a higher risk of sexual abuse, that medical professionals dismiss my symptoms as soon as some of them realise I’m “really” a woman and cease my treatment or cease treating me with the respect due a man; that people dismiss me and dehumanise me, either because they think I’m transgender, and therefore a lesser being, or an ugly and not sexually available woman, and therefore a lesser being.

If I’m a trans man, I must experience male privilege — why else would I choose to be trans?

And if I don’t experience male privilege in every situation, because people don’t always consider me male or legitimately male, or if male privilege in any given situation I experience is actually complicated by other factors, such as race, disability, sexuality, and so on, then I must be lying.

Passing privilege isn’t the same as male privilege — passing privilege generally refers to the privileges a transgender person experiences because they reliably pass as cisgender.

I don’t think that it’s universal — “passing privilege” assumes that everyone passes in all situations, and while I would say that I pass very reliably in a lot of mine now that I’m several years on T and my second puberty has been very good to me, this doesn’t apply everywhere.

When I’m in the hospital, for example, or otherwise seeing a doctor, I get treated with even more hostility — partially because most cis doctors practice misogyny-based medicine and are more likely to dismiss women’s symptoms or generally give them worse medical care, especially male doctors treating women. In my experience, cis female doctors are more likely to punish me for being transgender than a cis male one is.

I’ve noticed multiple times going to see a doctor, being treated as a man with all my pain or symptoms being treated as a concern, and then abruptly there’s a sudden withdrawal of care and concern when the doctor either realises I’m transgender and/or realises I’m “really” a woman.

But the thing is?

I’m pretty sure that the reason I suddenly receive such aggressive negative response is because I pass so well. When cis people realise that I’m trans, they feel even angrier and more personally betrayed, because I’ve so thoroughly “tricked” them by being a man without their permission.

Me at 24, about a year on testosterone; me at 25, about two years on testosterone. Same blouse, same vest.

But in general, day-to-day life — yeah, I’m perceived as a cis man.

Notably, a cis gay man.

Regularly, other trans guys and some butches tell me that as they began to present in ways perceived as more masculine, they noticed that women in public responded to them differently.

If they were out at night and a woman was walking alone nearby, she might cross the street to be a bit further away from them; she might choose to sit elsewhere rather than be near them on a bench; a woman alone might not want to share a lift with them.

I thought this was interesting the first few times I heard it — I hear it all the time, and it still strikes me as curious, because I don’t experience the same thing at all.

I’ve never had a woman walk away from me, or be careful not to be alone with me. Frequently, women strike up conversation with me in public, they chat to me on buses the way they might with other women — a little while ago I was waiting for my boyfriend to pick me up from the airport, and a young girl of 19 or so actually came up to me to ask if she could hotspot off my phone for a second and to ask me for directions.

It’s not that women alone shouldn’t strike up conversation with men, or shouldn’t be alone with them — but just to avoid any potential discomfort or risk of being harassed, many of them understandably avoid it.

But a lot of women see me in the street or in public places, and when they perform their internal risk assessment, I don’t prompt a red flag.

Part of it is that I’m skinny and white, sure — I’m not very physically intimidating in terms of my size, and I’m not racialised in the way many Black and dark-skinned men and boys are. Sometimes, I’m using a mobility aid like a cane, and that makes a difference, too.

But as a rule, I’m pretty. I wear make-up — I often wear face stickers and have visible “tattoos”. I’m fussy about my hair, and it shows. I dress in bright prints and florals, I wear silks and satins, I wear waistcoats and high-waisted jeans, I wear block heels.

When I walk, I sashay my hips. I hold my hands in a delicate way — I gesticulate freely, and I move my fingers when I do so in an effete way. If they hear me talk, people often guess from my accent that I’m English rather than Welsh, and that I’m more educated than I am, not to mention significantly posher.

The average cishet stranger in the street absolutely sees me as a man — and they exclusively see me as a gay one. No one ever mistakes me for a straight one, and that absolutely affects the way I’m treated.

I couldn’t possibly pose a threat of sexual harassment in many women’s eyes, because I’m obviously gay, and many cis straight women feel very comfortable with — if not entitled to — gay men’s companionship, especially white gays with effete mannerisms.

When talking about gender-based privileges for trans men and mascs, we don’t tend to consider any impact that perceptions of our sexuality can have, but because of the way gay men are sorted into a different subclass of cis masculinity than straight men, there’s a noticeable impact.

Straight people sometimes roll their eyes or look amused when they think I’m being particularly dramatic or gay; occasionally straight men wolf-whistle at me or make comments about how gay I look; people strike up conversations with me about RuPaul’s Drag Race, start chattering to me about drag, because they just assume that’s the sort of thing I would be into. I get looks sometimes on the bus if I’m chatting with friends or on the phone, or sometimes if I’m just there in front of them and I look very gay.

Most of this isn’t incredibly malicious — is it homophobic? Sure, sometimes. A lot of it is just straight people trying to understand what they think is gay culture the best way they know how.

Parents with kids actually make me the most nervous — not because there’s any danger posed by the kids themselves most of the time, but because parents can be the most vicious when it comes to homophobia. They’ll accuse gay men of being paedophiles just for existing in public and seeming a bit fruity, or they’ll get nervous about how gay someone looks in case their kids ask questions about it.

And kids do find how I look interesting — all the time, I’ll be out in public, and a kid will notice that my nails are painted or that I’m wearing high heels or that they see tattoos on my face, and they’ll ask their parents about it.

It’s anxiety-inducing for any parent when their child starts acting about a stranger’s appearance where the stranger can hear them, because they get worried about the potential impoliteness — when that stranger is a faggot, some of them get angry at me, because once again, even without their knowing I’m transgender, I’m interrupting their worldview of what the correct gendered behaviours are, forcing them to think about it, forcing them to explain aberrations to their kids.

A “normal”, “real” man is straight, after all, and does straight men’s things, like dress badly and sexually harass women and get ugly haircuts. It’s confusing, if I’m out on the streets looking fuckable.

The last time I was travelling, I was sitting in a restaurant in the airport, and some boys at the next table were staring at me.

“Dad, why is that man wearing makeup?”

“I don’t know, some men wear it.”

“How come?”

“…”

It is a truth universally acknowledged that wherever a faggot goes, little boys will be asking their mildly homophobic but well-meaning and liberal parents questions about that man’s physical appearance.

A classic response, and one that I overhear often, was this man’s retort: “Why don’t you go and ask him?”

Sometimes teenagers and kids laugh at how I dress, especially if they’re in groups together — and especially, too, if there’s a bunch of us visible queers together.

One thing I’ve noticed about wearing crop-tops is that some people get het-up about how hairy I am and the hair visible on my belly, or under my arms if I’m wearing a vest — because some straight people see a white twink and want to reclassify him as being part of the woman subcategory instead of the man subcategory (based on his assumed sexual availability to men), they then apply women’s rules of physical appearance to him.

After all, if I’m wearing makeup and high heels and high-waisted jeans and a crop-top, that’s like how a woman dresses — and if I’m going to dress like a woman even though I’m obviously a man, I should be held to the standards a woman would be too. I should be hairless and odourless, like a sexy child, because “sexy child” is the ideal for an attractive woman, right?

Some cishet women also hate how I dress and instead of laughing or grumbling about it in the way that cishet men do, they wrinkle their noses and get really quite scornful about it.

Some of those women’s husbands are secretly on Grindr (I know because I have sex with them), and I believe this is the closest they get to facing their suspicions as to their husbands’ bisexuality.

A photo of me from earlier this month, age 26.

I started taking testosterone some months before the pandemic started, but experienced the bulk of my second puberty’s physical effects over the course of the following years.

Subsequently, when I went to a queer event being run after about two years on testosterone, many people there hadn’t seen me out in some time. I got a lot of looks and a lot of interest, especially from other queer men, in a way I never had before — I always got a lot of engagement and looks, but many cis gay men would take a little while to warm up to the idea of me as a man if they knew or suspected I was trans.

Maybe it’s just because I’m hotter, though, right? I’m hardly the only person to go through a glow-up on HRT, and I certainly feel more attractive.

Except that several of the older men looking at me were men I’d known casually for years — and a bunch of them came up and introduced themselves. Said hi, what’s your name, I’m x, it’s nice to meet you, are you new to the city?

Because up ’til then, they really hadn’t much looked at me in much detail. Many of these men had heard me give talks, had talked to me in queer bars, had met me at one event or another, and I just hadn’t stuck in their minds — they certainly hadn’t come up and spoken to me before, let alone with such enthusiasm.

And I do want to say, like —

None of these men would call themselves anti-trans — they’d try to use the right pronouns, they’d say that there should be trans events on, and so on. But there’s still going to be unconscious biases there — whether up ’til now they saw me as a woman (and therefore just looked past me) or saw me as trans (and therefore just looked past me), suddenly I was a fully realised human being. Maybe I was attractive and fuckable to some of them — but crucially, I was also another gay man, and therefore real and worth talking to.

And I will say that this isn’t all older gay men in my community or even like, a massive majority of them — but it was enough older gay men to be noticeable.

Even entering into new gay spaces, queer men tend to be friendlier to me than they used to, more outgoing in conversation, chattier, etc.

That’s obviously not necessarily because I’m trans — like I said, I’m also hotter than I used to be, I’m older, more educated, I dress better and more confidently, etc. There’s other factors at play, and I’m not comparing friendliness to cruelty or coldness — I’m comparing it to polite apathy, which was often mild enough that I wasn’t hugely affected by it pre-T.

Some men do treat me a little coldly, but from what I can tell it’s not usually because they suspect or know I’m trans — a lot of the time it’s actually because I’m so faggy and effeminate, or they just don’t trust that I’m gonna be cool because I’m so young.

Mixed queer spaces can be another story.

Other queer people my age have often found me intimidating — I’m a pretty outspoken person, my politics are more aggressive leftwing than many people’s, and as a autistic, I speak plainly and directly in a way that a lot of people don’t care for, or can find scary and overwhelming.

Now, though?

The response to my perceived aggression is a lot more dramatic and avoidant — because now they assume I’m a cisgender man.

People often interpret me as angry or aggressive when I’m not — I can sometimes be somewhat flat in my affect, I can be a very blunt communicator, I don’t tend to beat around the bush when it comes to my opinions. All of these are pretty standard as an autistic guy, and a lot of other people have experienced the same thing I have — the interpretation of those personality traits as aggressive or argumentative.

But it’s been interesting experiencing the negative response ramp up so much as soon as I’m perceived as “really” male, even by other transmascs, queer people, and trans men.

It can be strange at times navigating broader trans spaces as someone who doesn’t look trans in the way even other trans people expect you to, where they just assume that you’re cisgender, or that as someone who already passes and has therefore “finished” your journey as a trans person, there’s less reason for you to be in community with other trans people.

Especially when it comes to trauma like…

There is an assumption by many young queer people that cis gay people are just fine now, that homophobia doesn’t impact them in the traumatic way it did older generations, or that homophobia is no longer an active impact on people’s lives — I obviously am transgender, but to be brushed off with the assumption I haven’t experienced the same extent of bigotry or negative experience because I appear cisgender always strikes me as fucked up when of course a lot of cis men have had similar life experiences to me, or worse.

I will say that again, the negative responses are from a minority, just big enough to be noticeable, and the more people talk to me, the more they relax a little about the whole thing.

It’s still funny though, like —

I met some trans friends of a partner recently, and I came downstairs without a shirt on because I was hurriedly multitasking, and watched her do a double take at my chest.

I laughed and was like, “Did you not realise I was trans?”

And she went, “No!” and we had a giggle about it.

Most of the time meeting other queer people across the board, I’m extended care and compassion and love — it’s just weird, I think, being so aware of the gendered differences in how people speak with and apparently perceive me, and how things have and do change, especially because people assume transmasculinity means a one-way journey to Male Privilege, and all the benefits it can come with.

As with any and everything else, these matters come with nuance and layers, and nothing is as simple as A to B with no complications.

#musings #transgender #trans rights #trans man #trans mlm

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