#I don't find that taught in the Bible either

[isfjmel-phleg]

😶

[gibbearish]

ok i finished the first chapter and am gonna take a break now but im v excited to keep reading im really liking the way the author looks at things so far

[whataboutthefish]

Hi hi! I hope you’re well. I am craving to read omega Steve whose parents don’t allow him to nest. Or Steve’ parents flipping out when they come home unannounced and find his nest. I know you have written a couple of drabbles about nesting, which were all fantastic 😍 but I was wondering if you had any other thoughts or knew of any fics like this? Either way, I hope you have a great day!

Hi nonny!

Thank you for the prompt, I've had a great time whumping the heck out of omega Steve. I hope you enjoy!!

As for other fics, I have to admit I'm a terrible fan and I don't really read a lot of fics at all. I'm stuck in writing mode. But if anyone reading this has recs for Stranger Things nesting fics please comment below!

Now onto the angst

Omega Steve, pre-steddie, alpha Eddie, religious trauma, abuse, neglect, Steve's terrible parents

Words - 2k

Steve knew two things to be true, one- that he was a shame upon his family and two - being a male omega was the mark of the devil. 

He’d been told this since birth, every memory laced with these facts and Steve had watched it proven to be true time and again. Steve was a great shame upon his family and his mother, to have birthed him, there was no sin greater. Steve was taught to atone before he even knew how to tie his shoes. Steve spent a lifetime on his knees praying to a god who saw only evil when he looked upon him. 

He was given no comforts in life, he believed if he gave way to sin then he could bring about the end of times. Steve wanted to try chocolate but he wasn’t evil, he couldn’t do that to the world. 

When Steve’s first heat hit he was so scared, he was home schooled and knew nothing of an omega’s cycle. He ran straight to his mother begging for help as slick ran down his legs and he craved something he couldn’t name. It hurt so bad, and he didn’t understand. His mother tied him to his bed, grasped the family bible to her chest and prayed by his side for two days. 

Steve wasn't allowed a nest, that was a comfort afforded to clean omegas. His mother had been a clean omega- chosen by god- before Steve came and soiled her. Steve was just a stain upon his family. 

His mother still had a nest, it was only right and fitting since Steve’s father as head of the home, deserved the comfort. He would look in at his mothers nest when he could, stolen glances, wishing to reach out to take a piece and take comfort in the scent of family. 

Steve never got to touch though, the door was locked when his parents were not home, and he was alone a lot in that large empty house. The older he got the more he had to repent, the more his body changed, softening and blooming, it was only more proof he hadn’t prayed hard enough, that he was breaking rules. 

Steve thought he knew all the rules, was good at following them to the letter but he must not know them all, it didn’t matter how hard he tried he kept losing. 

His parents started leaving him alone for longer periods, Steve’s father always working and his mother, done with her dirty secret at home went to live a life not weighted down by the blight that was her son. He was sent him to public school then.

High school was so much more than he could have imagined, he was shy at first everything so new and strange, people acting like this was real life, like they didn’t have a the weight of sin laying on their shoulders. 

Then Steve actually started to make friends, first was Robin, a sweet beta that had a sharp whit and even sharper tongue. Then there was Tommy and his girlfriend an alpha pair that Steve couldn’t even begin to understand, who were both a bit brash but Steve loved how easily they swore, it made him blush bright every single time. Nancy was Steve’s first omega friend, he had his first sleep over at her house, his heart hammering in his chest when her beta boyfriend Jonathan climbed through the window with a movie and snacks.

And then there was Eddie, an alpha who somehow subverted every societal norm and still command the room. Steve blushed bright red every time the alpha looked his way, Robin swore Steve had a crush, but Steve wasn’t sure. There was no way an alpha would want someone like him, no matter how often Eddie seemed to hang around when Steve was there. Even as he made friends and learned more about the world, he was still the stain upon his family. 

Steve learned to forge his mothers signature to join sports teams, he knew it was wrong but he wasn’t hurting anyone, surely it wasn’t the worst sin. Steve felt out of his depth for every minute of it, continually waiting for the other shoe to drop and yet it didn’t. He found he was good at sports, his friends were so encouraging, his couch put him in the game early and the fact he was an omega never seemed to work against him. 

Of course when his heat his mother returned, calling in to school for him then strapping him down to his bed and leaving him to ride out the pain alone. Steve was always so aware of her presence so close but nowhere in reach. When his heat was over his mother left, barely a word spoken, no indication of when she’d be back. 

Somehow this time it hurt so much more, now Steve knew what connection felt like, he’d seen his friends with their families, saw the touches and the way they scented one another, he saw comfort asked for a given freely. The stark comparison to his own life hurt like a knife to the heart. 

As his friendships bloomed it also came with gifted nest items. A common practice among friends was to share scented items for one anothers nests. Steve took these items, treasured them and began to slowly assemble a nest. Hidden in the base of his closet he surrounded himself in the scents of his friends. His most treasured item, a shirt from Eddie, his scent felt like coming home, if Steve was honest he was obsessed with Eddie’s scent.

He went to the mall and bought a couple of blankets and a body pillow that was so soft Steve never wanted to let go, letting himself give in to the need within him, a need he hadn’t realised he’d had. What he thought was just a constant state of unease from holding the sin of the devil turned out to be his inner omega in pain. He bought a bunch of cheap shirts that he pushed into his nest for a couple of weeks before he was able gift them to his friends. The joy he saw when they received the gifts made Steve question everything his mother had ever said. 

And the way Eddie’s nostrils flared and eyes darkened did things to Steve and had him running to the bathroom when he felt wetness pool between his legs. Robin had followed him, talked him down from a panic attack as he curled into a ball on the filthy floor in a bathroom stall

Steve started to question everything his mother had claimed, because surely people wouldn’t want the scent of evil in their nests, and yet they eagerly took his offered items. 

Questioning his mother’s words like this was ultimately a mistake because Steve started to relax, he became careless at home. Leaving the door to his nest open, letting items spill out as he stretched out in his nest. He started to scent mark the house, it was all unconscious actions but finally his omega was allowed some comfort and naturally that comfort spilled into every aspect of his life. 

The day Steve had finally let Robin scent him, he’d melted into the touch as the beta rubbed her cheek against Steve’s, it was nothing more than a comfort and friendship, nothing sexual about it. Steve felt bouant as he drove home, he’d never imagined how amazing holding someone elses scent on his skin could feel and he couldn’t wait to get home and roll around in his nest, sharing that scent so it would last longer. 

The way his whole world came crashing to a halt when he drove up to his house. His father’s car sat in the driveway, the lights in the house shining through the windows and when he glanced to his bedroom window his stomach dropped. The light was on, and he could see the silhouette of a person standing in the room. 

Steve opened the door, shrinking in on himself when he heard the lines of scripture falling angrily from his mothers mouth. He thought he might be sick when he heard the sound of shredding fabric, blindly running up to his room, falling to his knees when he saw what was happening inside. 

His mother was destroying his nest, her sewing shears rending it to shreads as she tore into the fabric. Her words tumbled into tongues compelled by the spirit spitting and baring her teeth as Steve shook and cried bent over in supplication, neck bared and utterly helpless. 

That night his mother spilled rice across the hardwood floor in the cold kitchen, pushed Steve to his knees and watched while he prayed the entire night. His legs had gone to sleep hours ago, the pain that struck like needles into his knees and shins by the end the pain came in waves as he swayed on his knees fighting sleep, repeating the prayers until the sun came up. 

Steve was sent to school with no sleep, it was Eddie that saw him attempt to hobble his way into the school, it was Eddie that ushered him into the back of his van with little effort. Steve was barely a shell of himself, his scent dulled and mind clouded in a fog of fatigue and pain. Steve didn’t speak, only pulled the leg of his pants up and allowed Eddie to help pick the rice from his skin. They didn’t go to school that day, instead Eddie drove out to lovers lake and let Steve curl up into his side and sleep. 

Steve wakes with a fright shooting upright and unsure where he is until Eddie’s deep purr comes from behind him and Steve turns to see Eddie relaxed back against a pile of blankets in the back of his van. He knows he has to go home, his thoughts are still sluggish his head still full of fog but his body has stopped aching and some part inside of him feels so much more at ease than ever before. He’s never slept so easily, even if he was sleep deprived the level of comfort he feels right now is so overwhelming he doesn’t really know how to process it. 

Eddie drives him back to school and Steve’s car, Steve doesn’t think twice when Eddie leans in to scent him, Steve melts into the touch and whines when Eddie pulls away. Eddie promises to be here tomorrow, that Steve can get through this. Steve doesn’t let himself linger on the reality, that Eddie is in no position to promise those things, instead he holds the promises against his heart and dares to hope. 

When he gets home though all of that disappears. His mother and father were sat at the dinning table with a priest. The shreds of Steve’s nest lay on the table along with forged notes and what looks like the contents of his gym bag. When he gets close enough he see’s the three of them scent the air. 

Steve arrives scenting so thoroughly of an alpha that even his father begins to shout, his mother prays rocking back and forth and the priest, he has a look of danger in his eyes, a look that has Steve’s hindbrain in a panic, a look that promises pain. 

Eddie waits for Steve the next day and next and the day after that, he waits every day for a week, before he dares to drive past Steve’s house. A for sale sign hangs in the yard and the place is dark. Steve’s friends do their best to search for him, but they are young and their resources are limited. It doesn’t stop Eddie from waiting just an extra few minutes every morning, search the car park for any sign of Steve. 

It doesn’t stop Eddie from travelling the country, moving from job to job searching, always searching for the chance that he might see that brown haired omega that could have been his.

[msallurea]

Loa Controversy Pt. 1

Despite what everyone says about us being God and what not in our reality...let me just say in my PERSONAL opinion, I do believe that there is a being much higher than us, a creator that watches over us, guiding us, protecting us, etc. Now, does this mean we aren't creators ourselves? No. But based on my personal opinion I do not believe we are the all of all, I do believe that there is a GOD. The God that is the way, the truth and the light. I also believe there are no multiple gods either (like Rah, Zeus, Aphrodite, etc) I believe that there truly is only ONE God. It is because we are in the image of this God and come from him that we are able to create our realities. I do not believe this God is a woman either and that this god isn't like us at all but way beyond that, it isn't human at all but omnipotent but I do feel it is a male. While I am talking about the Christian God, I currently am not Christian myself because i feel i dont trily deserve that title, but neither am I atheist because I do believe there is something beyond us humans that our minde simply can't comprehend its just something you either know or don't know.

Remember how I told you guys that I had lost my key and it really upset me, I couldn't find my key for the life of me which almost made me cry, right when I was on the verge of breaking down I simply said aloud "Lord please where is my key" ...within seconds something told me to move something around and as I looked over I saw my key seconds after saying this. Now I would like to add that prior to this I imagined hearing the sound of my key and that is exactly what I heard before seeing it BUT I honestly feel deep in my gut I would've never found it had I not call on the lord..while this is something small and barely anything I was taught that the Lord, God knew us before we even came out the womb and if anything it felt as if God already knew I was about to ask him where my key was.

This leads me to my controversial take...I do not believe I am the God of my reality, I am only a part of the God of my reality. What I mean by this is, while I don't believe I am God I DO believe I am a creator in my world and that my mind can create and have the power to create things in my reality. Even in the Bible it states "Death and life are in the power of the tongue and they that love it shall eat the fruit" thr Bible also states to guard our hearts and be careful what we think because they shape our lives.

I do truly believe that we as PEOPLE can manifest and create our realities as we desire but I also believe these desires we carry come from someone much higher than us, guiding us in a path that leads us to the highest versions of ourselves and the best versions of ourselves. I do believe that our imagination creates reality because in imagination everything is possible but I also believe that it's because of this that a being much higher, much more complex has given this to us,has given us free will to create our hearts deepest true desires just as he has. I do believe..truly. I do believe it is our I AM that shapes who and what we are but I believe that that was only first possible through a being much higher than us who calls himself God ans if we asked his name all he will say is "I am that I am" just as we would say "I am that I am" as well. In other words I believe we are a creation made in the eyes of a creator much higher and because we were created in this creators image we have been blessed to create as well through the tools provided which are: our imagination, to build the mental concept of what it is we desire; our heart, to secure our love within our creation because if we did not love it we would have never wanted it; finally our words, the very thing we use to speak life and death info things even if we don't realize it. All of this together is why we can manifest to begin with, and as a soul, as consciousness simply wearing a human body this is all you are.

Please remember this is MY personal opinion

[hedgebotherer]

Random thoughts about Good Omens 2 that either I haven't seen addressed much or haven't been addressed to death or I just want to address anyway.

- The opening scene with the creation of the nebula was astounding, despite how distracted I was by AngelCrowley's Mr Whippy curls. It really hammered home the themes of the original book and the show as a whole to the point where it reminded me why I see Good Omens as essentially the secular humanist Bible. I feel like Good Omens 2 was more scathing in its criticism of the idea of God's 'ineffable plan'. It pulled no punches and kept punching through the whole Job story line. Religious people may disagree, or agree but more angrily.

- Why Eccles cakes? Don't get me wrong, I like an Eccles cake. They're considered old fashioned, but they're actually nice. I'm one of those weirdos who enjoys dried fruit. But calming? I wonder if the whole thing was a subtle bit of foreshadowing based on the fact that Eccles cakes (along with their dried fruit filled cousins, such as the Chorley cake and the currant slice) are sometimes known as fly pies.

- Aziraphale slightly misquoted the Buddy Holly song Everyday when first asking the record shop owner Maggie about it. I don't know how likely this is, but I wonder if this was a sneaky reference to the fact that the Good Omens novel quite famously got many of the song lyrics it quoted slightly wrong (to the point where avid reference collectors wondered if it was deliberate).

- Everybody and their talking dog spotted the Discworld 'seamstress' reference, but not everybody might be aware that this may have been a real historic euphemism for sex workers.

- Some viewers night also not realise that John Hammiel's 'Who told you I was naked?' is a Biblical reference. 'Who told you that you were naked?' is something God asks Adam in Genesis. I admittedly only know this because of a sketch from A Bit Of Fry And Laurie!

- The idea that a song can be remembered even after the rest of your memory is jumbled might have a bittersweet real world inspiration. Neil Gaiman once recounted his favourite memory of Sir Terry. He said: "The last time I saw him. We had been left on our own and Terry (who had Alzheimer’s) had sort of drifted into his head. He stopped talking. So I started to sing They Might Be Giants’ song Shoehorn With Teeth. And after a few lines, Terry started to sing along.". This song seems to have been 'their' song. You can even find a clip of them singing it together!

- I had no idea ducks love frozen peas. This is important information.

- Speaking of ducks, way back when the credits sequence was first dropped I thought I spotted among the procession of animated characters a duck playing an accordion. But, no, surely if there was such a thing then everybody would be talking about it. Then, in a scene were a man is miraculously evicted from his seat in a bar, he's shown reading a newspaper with a headline about a duck that was taught to play the accordion. Vindication! I want this musical duck to be significant to series 3 somehow.

[cousticks]

hi bestie, I'm going to need your thoughts about BEAST. it doesn't matter how long. 🙏I find that LN very interesting plus my blorbo Odasaku is there TT

if you're up to the challenge of sharing most, if not all your unhinged thoughts about BEAST, I would greatly appreciate it.

If not, that's okay too. No pressure fr ❤️

This ask makes me stare at my computer screen in horror for the can of worms you've opened, my friend. I'm better now, but there was a point in time a couple years ago I carried my physical copy of the Beast LN with me everywhere in my school bag & called it my Bible. Needless to say its quite important to me. I wasn't sure how to approach this at first, but as I've been going I kind of ended up breaking it down by character. I will also say that I've read the LN and seen the movie, but I haven't read the entire manga yet, so if there's anything manga specific you were hoping I'd mention that I don't I apologize! This is comically long I am so sorry.

I will admit I kind of suck because, though Beast is primarily about the interactions between Atsushi and Akutagawa, I don't have much to say about either of them. But Beast is so so so refreshing to me to see some of the characters that I thought deserved better in canon receiving their time in the light. The interactions between Aku and Oda are everything to me, especially when Akutagawa has to babysit the kids, and through it he has to learn when to be gentle and when to be harsh. Its so so so important because you get to see that he can do both. The same Akutagawa who's first appearance in the main timeline is blowing up a police station without any care for civilian casualties is capable of gently playing with children, WITH his ability. It opens up a depth to his character that, at least at the time of Beast's official English translation coming out (I had it on Preorder lol), we didn't really get to see in the main timeline. It told me that there was so much more to see from him, more that Asagiri wanted to say about him, and not only made me really attached to his Beast version but made me enthusiastic to see what was to come from the main timeline for him.

Its kind of similar with Atsushi in Beast, if the opposite way. I was always a little disappointed with the anime's adaption of Atsushi, as he always felt a bit watered down to be a one-size-fits-all protagonist, when he has more character and snark in the manga that makes him so much more interesting. I don't love it for him because yanno that shit traumatizing, but I do for me enjoy having seen what happens when you put him in the mafia instead. Do you ever think about how he would have been like, 12, when he was recruited into the mafia? That's like 6 years earlier than in canon. This is assuming that Beast Dazai goes and picks him up at the same point in time that he acquires Akutawaga in the main timeline. (Aku was acquired when he was 14). So by the time of Beast's main plot, that gives Atsushi 6 years in the mafia to become the White Reaper, and what a name that is. To be associated with the death he's so afraid of. Ohh, he's interesting. I wish I had more to say about him. Honestly, beast aku and atsu are more my boyfriend @pmreaper's wheelhouse, and I highly recommend taking a look at his thoughts. Between the Orphanage and the Mafia, Beast Atsushi hasn't really seen much honest kindness, aside from Kyoka. And christ, the collar. I'll talk more about the collar later, but that does something to me. He goes from the orphanage causing him pain and problems about being the tiger when he doesn't even know, to a much more restrictive controlling pain when he does know. He's taught that being what he is just leads to being in pain and he has no control over it and it makes me miserable for him. Despite spending so much time fighting on the Mafia's behalf, on Dazai's behalf, this boy has no idea how to fight for himself.

I think that's a major difference between beast Atsu and Aku honestly. Akutagawa will fight for himself. He'll fight his way out of a bad situation. Beast Atsushi won't. That self pity of feeling he deserves it. Christ. Them. Their soft moments interacting together before everything goes to shit in Beast are everything to me. They're just kids from bad situations they understand each other. Their interactions in Beast stab me through the heart.

I don't have much to say about Gin but I want to mention her anyway. Mostly because I think she's the most mentally stable of the mafia members close to Dazai in Beast that we see (Chuuya, Atsu, Kyoka, Gin). She'd have a Keurig on her desk and make the best coffee on the floor. She's such a stark difference from her main timeline counterpart, too. Gin the mafia assassin and Gin the mafia secretary are so different, visually. But... this is a Gin that isn't fighting to survive in the same way. I think so much about how she was taken so that Dazai had some kind of control over Akutagawa without having him in the mafia. I think about how she decided Akutagawa wasn't ready to have her in his life again. About how she was ready to be killed for the Mafia. We barely see any of Gin in the main timeline, but we see so much of her here. Her loyalty to the mafia, her own feelings of betrayal, there's so much to her that we just haven't seen from the main timeline at all. I adore her. I want to see more of her. I like to think that after the events of Beast played out she stole a mafia helicopter and she and Kyoka flew off to Cancun on a girls trip to recover from All That Shit.

I generally ignore the Beast version of Chuuya the way he's presented in canon if I'm honest. And I quite actively ignore whatever the movie ending with the chains is because the fuck is that. Chuuya's presence in Beast canon is something that i acknowledge and then throw away. I have a very specific mental timeline of how Beast progresses in my head as far as where it diverges from the main timeline. In my heart, Atsushi is dragged into the mafia shortly before Dragon's Head Rush, possibly when the conflict is originally starting up in Yokohama, or some time during it. Somewhere in the 88 days before the final face-off against Shibusawa. (I have a lot of opinions on the nitty-gritty details of that timeline both in Beast and Main timeline but that's a not-right-now problem.) This is the event that, in the main timeline, Dazai ascends to executive. I believe that in the Beast timeline, during the DHR conflict is where he stages his coup to become the PM's boss. Which is... kind of a wild thing to do at 16, I guess, but this is a Dazai that has memories of the main timeline as well as of this world, so is he really mentally 16 at that point with the combined life experience? Anyway. Why do I mention this timeline when I'm talking about Chuuya? Because Dazai needed help staging that coup. Chuuya's help. He was well liked in the mafia even then (we can see Chuuya's own reputation was pretty damn good at this point as its not long after Stormbringer). I believe they had a more amicable relationship in the Beast timeline than in main timeline, and that this was calculated to make Chuuya's loyalty lie more with Dazai than the mafia at large so that the coup would work. But after Dazai is boss? Nothing. Cold and all-business once Dazai is in place to start playing with the entire city like his own personal barbie dolls to get everything in place to allow Oda to write his book. Whatever. Which leads to Chuuya's loyalty-hatred complex a bit but I have... a lot of opinions on that entire interaction between them that I don't really know how to articulate. But it fucking sucks.

As far as within the Mafia hierarchy, I think that very few people ever report to Dazai himself. Only Gin, Atsu, Chuuya, and maybe someone really trustworthy like Hirotsu. Chuuya is the boss's right hand in this, he's the second in command, above what a normal executive position would be. Dazai is busy making plans on his insanity corkboard trying to ensure this world stays perfect for Oda. He's busy scheming on what to do to make the mafia more powerful to ensure its reach can accomplish what he needs it to. He's busy doing all the meta-number-crunching to minmax his power so he can treat the world like a plaything. I think he leaves a lot of the normal day-to-day running the mafia to Chuuya, who acts more like the boss in the level of Mori in the main timeline, since the Mafia itself in Beast is like 3x the power it was in canon. Someone has to be keeping an eye on the city itself. I think the executives more of report to him than they would Dazai. It just becomes this really weird hierarchy of designated people leading what they need to so Dazai can focus on what he wants. Obviously none of this is supported in Beast canon at all its just what I believe in my whole heart. I also think that there may have been a point in time they tested something similar to the collar Atsushi is given with Chuuya to see if there was a way to shut down Corruption without Dazai needing to be involved. It failed and Chuuya was hospitalized for a week after and 100% made it Dazai's problem. Which, tangentially, do you ever think about the Beast aftermath? How if something comes up where Beast Chuuya has to use Corruption, there's no longer a way to stop it? Because I sure do.

This brings me down to more thoughts about Beast Dazai himself, who is such a wild character to me. He's everything normal timeline Dazai doesn't want to be. Oda wouldn't want this. Oda wouldn't want a world where so many people are miserable that don't have to be just for his sake. Its depressing, but main timeline Odasaku had chosen his time to die and was quite ready to do so. And main timeline Dazai? He just had to accept that. And grow beyond it. And learn how to create connections with others. But Beast Dazai? He swings the opposite. He doesn't try to recover, he's obsessive, he tears everyone else down into his misery with him to try to create a world that Oda can survive and write his novels in without ever thinking about the fact that Oda would never want that, would never ask for that, but he's on such a pedestal in Dazai's mind that its never considered. Its selfish. He thinks he's doing something for someone else but its so, so very selfish and frankly ridiculous. He chose to never really make any connections with anyone else. Oda of that universe doesn't even know who he is, other than the boss of the mafia that ruins people's lives. There's no connection. Beast Dazai is so untethered and doesn't see anything in that world as anything more than means to an end and I'm so, so obsessed with him. He's tragic. He's trying so hard to do something correctly and doesn't even understand what he's doing wrong because he's so caught up in saving the one person he's so fixated on. He's crafted an empire out of the mafia and couldn't care less about it. He's put himself into the shoes of a god and sacrificed every mortal comfort because of it. I have so much I could say about him but my brain is going to short circuit if I think about him for much longer. I'll probably talk more about him again when I finally reread Beast. I hate him more than I can explain. He's the most interesting man alive. He's no man at all. I'm in hell

Odasaku. Oda. He's still alive. He has even more orphans. Akutagawa is one of his orphans. He thinks he's the most normal guy but he's so, so weird. He trusts Akutagawa with his kids. He'll fight Akutagwa in the middle of the Agency as a training exercise. He probably has the most bland coffee order you can imagine. Anyone know that textpost about the guy that got the black coffee with the blueberry flavoring? The ordinary man with something deeply wrong with him? That's beast Oda. He wants to be a writer, he succeeds, he has a mafia boss obsessed with him and doesn't even know until said dude goes off and dies. I have NO idea what the fuck he was doing in the movie. I generally ignore the movie honestly. He's just some guy. This world was made for him and all he wants is to be ordinary. This world was made for him and he chooses to be mundane. This is a man that knows mortality well. That knows the best parts of life are the small ones. He wants to help people and he succeeds. He sees other people who had a past of violence, like he did growing as an assassin, and he helps them get out of it, he prevents it from happening, he offers care in a way those unused to receiving it can accept. He isn't perfect. He's just a guy. It makes him perfect. I want to kick a wall.

The agency in Beast and how they all rally together is so interesting as well. We don't really get to see them all in action together that often honestly and its a delight. I wish I had more to say about all of them. They're such a cohesive unit of strays and I love them.

I certainly have so much more I could say about Beast but this is already like, the length of an average one-shot fanfiction on AO3 just of my incoherent rambling. If there's anything you want me to talk more on please send another ask because this was a fucking blast to dig up a lot of my old thoughts. I have several unedited one-shot beast fics tucked into storage that maybe one day I'll share because they're all based off of my headcanons and personal beliefs on the timeline.

My boyfriend and I also have an ongoing project called Beastswap where we explore what happens to the characters if they start randomly popping between the two timelines in the post-Beast fallout after everything has settled a little and once I get my writing spark back there will definitely be some of that floating around as well.

[echologname]

♾️Autistic and Christian✝️

I CHOSE God, more like, He chose me and reached out to me with His love, but my point stands. Some think autistic individuals are too trusting and guillable, and I think that HIGHLY depends on each individual because no autistic person is quite the same as another. So, no, this faith was not forced upon me just because I was taught it from a young age. In fact, that's the LAST thing my parents wanted! No matter the age, they let my siblings and I choose if we wanted to go to Church or not. I was in several youth groups and LOVED them and that I had a community to help me as a teen. Even when I didn't want to have anything to do with Christianity (I was young and angsty and wanted to rebel), I still went with my Nana on Sundays and volunteered with the Youth Ministry because, I love my family and you just gotta help them out. I came back to God because I NEED Him, I needed His healing and His love and there was NO where else to rest my hopes in than Him.

Sometimes being spiritual isn't easy for autistic individuals because a lot of times, nothing's "concrete," it's all feelings and whispers in your mind, it's not always tangible. Like God doesn't text, I can't DM Him a question and get a reply that'll soothe any fears and doubts (that's what The Bible's for, anything that ever needs to be said, can be found there). So, how am I supposed to know what The Holy Spirit is saying when it's not a voice speaking as clear as day? I just trust that God knows how I function and if He REALLY has something to say, He'll get the message across somehow.

This relates, and we can maybe have more doubts than neurotypical siblings in Christ, because we can have minds like tunnel vision, it's not always easy to understand abstract concepts in The Bible's teachings, and a lot of times, we don't even know if we're hungry or not, so, how are we supposed to know how we feel about God when our poor interoception doesn't even tell us what's going on in our bodies. Also, we can be way more sensitive and emotional than NTs or the opposite and not display much emotion. All of these spiritual experiences are completely shaped in different ways because how our brains process and interpret our whole lives differently.

So, being spiritually attacked by demons is hard enough but a lot of us have varying mental health issues on top of it.

Also, being Christian is being a part of the COMMUNITY. It's common for us to have poor social skills, so, either we misunderstand someone or they misunderstand us in the infinite unspoken ways of body language and it creates a rift that neither sides know how to bridge.

I don't always have answers for other autistics or Christians but I'd like to share that sometimes, it makes it harder to be a Christian but sometimes easier due to our heightened sensitivity to the world around us because that's where we find God, in Creation and the faint nudges He gives us.

I have a very analytical brain and above average language comprehension processing (one of my special interests is learning different languages) and LOVE to read and write, so, Bible study is fun and easy for me but I understand not for everyone.

But no matter what ability or neurotype you are, God has a beautiful and unique path for each of us and has called all of us to use our skills and abilities for good in different ways.

I praise you because you made me in an amazing and wonderful way.What you have done is wonderful.I know this very well.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Ps.139.14&version=ICB

[witchcraftingboop]

Hello, I love your blog!

May I bother you ever so much and ask: were there times, at the beginning of your spiritual journey (or however you call it, I really didn't find a better way to express it), where you started to question your path and beliefs? That you wondered if it even made any sense what you were doing and that maybe you were only talking to the air?

I've been in and out of my own path for long as I can remember, bc it never felt like there was something there with me (if that makes sense). I do know how to read tarot and, whenever possible, I try to read Agrippa's book and every other book I have (tho I still find The Witches Bible a little off for me, but still a cool source of knowledge)

But it feels like I miss something, like a spark or whatever. So sometimes I can't help but question myself on "why am I even doing this?" or "why do I light this candle and make offerings if I don't even know if whoever I lit this candle for is actually here?" and so on and so forth.

I don't have a anyone irl I could ask this for so I hope you don't mind you ended up being the one to read my rumbling (⁠╥⁠﹏⁠╥⁠)

Have a wonderful day/evening/night (⁠◍⁠•⁠ᴗ⁠•⁠◍⁠)

Hey, anon, thanks for the love and the intriguing ask!

My path might be a bit different from yours, as I grew up in a family that was openly spiritual on either side and was taught a fair bit by my mother, aunts, and great grandmother. That being said, I think doubt and skepticism is extremely healthy to have in your craft. Rather than look at your doubtful thoughts as impediments, it may help to view them more as reason to further your research and self-reflection.

When you doubt your books or actions and treat it as a challenge or prompt to deepen/investigate your investment and thought process involved, I think you'll find yourself engaging with your path and motivations in greater depth.

Ask yourself: why am I performing these actions? And then turn to your spirits, spells, or books for an answer. If you change that action, will there be a change or difference in what occurs after? Or you could turn instead to yourself and interrogate why witchcraft at all. Not in a derogatory way, but with the genuine intent to be more introspective and thereby connect to your own motivations and drive.

Personally, I haven't read "The Witches Bible," but Agrippa can at least help build the foundations of why magic works. It may help to expand your research and look into other traditions and ways of practicing, even if not applicable to your own. By looking outward and exploring how others engage with spirit, you can often be inspired by new connections and odd instances of familiarity that you weren't expecting. Sometimes our mind can understand a concept and not necessarily know how to express it in concrete words until we view a broader picture or are exposed to something that gives us the words, or pieces of them, we didn't know we were looking for.

Imposter syndrome in spiritual circles isn't unheard of. How you deal with and face those instances matters more, in my opinion, than the fact that you experience them.

Another way to reconnect yourself to the occult and witchcraft in general is to perform anyways. Perform spells and rituals and set a deadline by which you expect to see results. If you keep a record or journal of what goes on around you thereafter, it may be easier to discern whether what you were going for actually occurred or if something barely related changed/reacted instead. As an example, when I find myself doubting whether a spirit ally is still with me, I'll sometimes call on them for divination and, if that goes moderately well, follow it up with a money working - money is pretty easily tracked. In the end, having concrete results that you can look at and know without a doubt came from your efforts is sometimes the best way to quell doubtful thoughts.

On the opposite end, it's a good idea to check in with yourself if you start thinking that what you're doing isn't real or "in your head." Have there been any external influences (negative or positive) in your life recently that relate to the spiritual or religious aspects of your craft? Have you started tuning in to a creator that posts derogatory comments about the things you believe in? Have you done any personal protection/cleansing work recently? Reviewing the external factors around doubtful times in your life can be especially helpful if the thoughts become overwhelming, repetitive, etc.

Hope this helps! Also, just so you know, y'all don't bother me by asking things, so feel free!

[daughters-of-liberty]

Christian Questions 1/?

So.

Lately I've been watching a lot of YouTube videos from christians. Both protestant and Catholic. And today I was watching this video from this girl, who was talking about these items that christians shouldn't own. The first thing that she mentioned was symbols that had, you know, the traditional things; the evil eye, the hand thing from Hinduism...and then she said the tree of life and that was kind of my first sort of "are you sure about that?" moment, because I had always been taught that the tree of life was a fairly universal symbol. Yes, it has been used in like Judaism and paganism and everything but it's also a very prominent symbol in The Bible and in Christian spheres. Even in very devout Christian spheres. So I wasn't too sure about that so that was already kind of like "okay, I don't know if this girl is crazy or way over the top or just doesn't know her symbol history, but let's keep watching".

And then she kept going on and she was talking about how lotuses are apparently a bad symbol and like...I get it. There's a lot of lotuses found in Zen and new age spaces. And the point that she made, and I can kind of see where she's coming from on this to a degree is that God or Jesus should be your avenue of peace, right? Because the lotus is a symbol of peace, but you shouldn't turn to symbols for peace, and I agree with this. God should be your source of peace not a symbol; that's idolatry. But I don't think there's anything wrong with just having like a necklace of a lotus. I really don't. Like what, are roses not going to be allowed either?

The common section was kind of wild too. There was a bunch of people that said things that like anything from Disney, christians shouldn't have because Disney depicts magic and magic in all forms is evil. And i'm like it's f****** fiction, dude. It's really not that big of a deal.

She also mentioned to not have idols in your house, which makes sense...except she also said do not have statues of the Virgin Mary or of angels. So I don't know what brand of Christianity she is but it's is very odd to me. I don't know, angel statues have been everywhere the whole time I was growing up and I don't find them to be spiritually threatening. I did find them mildly spiritually threatening when I was a pagan, but I do not find them spiritually threatening now.

Lemme know what you guys think, I won't judge. It just helps me gain perspective.

[90363462]

6 Tips For Dealing With A Sexually Incompatible Spouse

Shellie R. Warren

Mar. 29, 2019 07:12PM EST

I grew up in the Church. I went to Christian schools too (well, my elementary education was Christ-like; looking back, the EEOC should've come in and shut my high school all the way down). Looking back, if there's one topic that never really got discussed in either setting, it's sex. It really is sad that although the Bible has PLENTY to say about it (Song of Solomon is an entire book about it!), in my humble opinion, far too many folks do the very opposite of what Genesis 2:24-25 instructs us not to do—they attach shame to nakedness. Sad. Very sad.

That's why, whenever I do premarital counseling couples, I tend to spend at least 3-4 weeks on sexual intimacy—what you were taught about sex, your views on sex, your expectations of sex, etc. Because if you're gonna actually do what you vowed and remain with someone until death parts you, that's a REALLY LONG TIME to be sittin' somewhere sexually pissed off at least half of the time.

media1.tenor.com

And yet. It happens. A LOT. Not just to couples who waited until marriage to partake, but people who felt they should "test the car before driving it too" (I'm with Meagan Good on this one—we need to drop that comparison; people are not cars). And since the importance of sex isn't explored as in-depth as it needs to be, lots of people find themselves faking it, making excuses not to do it or…yes, cheating. And you know what? All three of those approaches to sexual incompatibility are unhealthy and super counterproductive. They really are.

So, what do I recommend you should do if you and your spouse aren't as sexually harmonious as you'd like to be? For starters, consider that what's really going on may not be as much about sex as you might think. It could be a myriad of things that have created your not-so-perfect storm.

How To Deal With A Sexually Incompatible Partner

1.Ponder If It's Sexual or Emotional

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There's a couple I worked with where the husband hated to give oral sex but was all about receiving it. On the surface, this is childish and selfish, I'll give you that. But counseling is about digging beneath the surface. That said, his wife misspends money, makes major decisions without his input, plays the victim when she's called out on her reckless behavior and rarely apologizes for any of this. As a result, he feels like she also is a very selfish individual (he's right), so he doesn't want to give her his all. Naturally, he's not big on cunnilingus; however, he doesn't even feel the desire to "make the sacrifice" because of how put off he is emotionally.

Do you see how, on the surface, it looks like they aren't on the same page when it comes to a particular sex act when the reality is there is a profound emotional disconnection? Whatever it is that you and your spouse are struggling with in the bedroom, don't just assume that it's sexual or physical. Sometimes, there's a deep emotional issue going on too.

2.Next, Figure Out If It's Actually About Sex or Selfishness

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A lot of people frown on couples who wait until marriage to get it on, but here's something to keep in mind. When you're single and sexually active, whether you realize it or not, you tend to be pretty selfish. I'm not saying when it comes to your stamina, technique or tricks. I'm talking about your overall mentality. Single sex is about having sex solely on your terms. Married sex requires considering someone else and making compromises along the way.

Here's an example. Say that you love morning sex while your spouse prefers to have sex at night. Did you know that science is discovering that a part of what makes us morning people or night owls has to do with our genetic make-up? When you were single, you had sex when you felt like it; your partner(s) had to get in where they fit in. 

Now that you're married, it's important to take your partner's needs into account. 

If you like it in the morning, sometimes you might have to stay up late because they don't. If you're a night owl, sometimes you might need to sleep a couple of extra hours in order to get the job done before work. My point is this—whatever isn't happening the way that you would like, how much of it is about you wanting sex just the way you want it without figuring out if it pleases your partner or not? What some think is sexual incompatibility is really nothing short of 100 percent Grade-A selfishness. Real talk.

4.Also, Be VERY CAREFUL Who You Share Your Issues With

media.giphy.com

I can't remember who originated the quote, but one of my favorites is, "Complain to someone who can actually help you." To be at work or on the phone with someone who also has a less-than-stellar sex life isn't going to help you to take a more positive and proactive approach to what's happening in your own bedroom. All it's going to do is encourage you to be even more negative about your situation. Also, based on who you're talking to (and how often), it might set you up to be caught up in anemotional affair as well.

There's something else to consider when you're discussing your bedroom issues—just because you're dissatisfied doesn't mean the next gal would be. Make sure you're talking to someone who is genuinely being helpful…not just nosey. And ultimately, messy.

5.Make Sex a Higher Priority in Your Relationship

media.giphy.com

Another couple that I've worked with? They've been married for over a decade, the husband is headed towards his late 40s, and he still prefers to have sex 3-4 times a day (quickies included). His wife? She's good with having it a couple of times a month. Yep, sexually incompatible.

Some might wonder how they even jumped the broom with an issue like this not being addressed. Oh, but this is another example of how having sex before marriage can creep up on you. When they were dating, it was a long-distance relationship. So, of course, they could have sex for hours on end whenever they saw one another. But once they got married and saw each other every day, things changed. It reminds me of a hilarious comedy clip that I recently watched entitled, "Real Couples Don't Hold Each Other All Night". 

Sometimes sex before marriage falsely advertises in ways we wouldn't predict.

What did I recommend that they do? Make sex a priority in their marriage; not just the physical aspect but the emotional and spiritual too. While she needed to be open to having sex more often, her husband needed to think about what he could do to make his wife desire him more from an emotional and spiritual standpoint.

Sometimes spouses aren't sexually compatible because they don't feel close enough to their partner to want to do certain things or have sex more often. Sometimes, when the other rooms of the house are handled (metaphorically speaking), the bedroom takes care of itself.

6.Put a "Sexual Needs Box" on Each Nightstand

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A lot of us make relationships a lot more complicated than they have to be because we act like a want is an actual need. 

Wants are what we desire; needs are what is required.

Am I saying that sex is not a need? I am saying the total opposite of that! Even the Bible says that if you withhold from your partner, you can open the doors to all sorts of mayhem and foolishness (I Corinthians 7:1-5). From a legal standpoint, some states will let you have what is called a "fault divorce". Things that fall under this category are constructive desertion, cruelty or abandonment based on a lack of marital relations (sex).

However, sex is a pretty general word. In order to have great sex with your partner, it's important to also discuss what both of your wants and needs are. What are y'all's desires vs. what is required for you to feel fully satisfied (essential)? Talk those things out, jot them down on sheets of paper, pick up a couple of boxes from Target or Pottery Barn and put those answers inside. Your answer box should go on your husband's nightstand; his should go on yours. Then make it a point to revisit what is on those sheets of paper and mutually commit to meeting one another's needs (more often).

Even if your spouse isn't the perfect sex partner, a part of what your love commitment is all about is meeting each other's needs—in the bedroom or out. If you're both determined to do that, you have a lifetime to learn how to make each other climb the walls; to make sexual incompatibility a temporary issue, not a lifelong sentence.

Featured image by Getty Images.

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[freyabuckley00]

My Religion (and lack thereof) pt. 2

TW: religion, discussion of homophobia

For whatever reason, I had a hard time buying into what my church was selling. I heard them being racist, sexist, homophobic, and every hateful thing under the sun and I didn't want to be like that. Did I want God to love me? Absolutely. Did I want to suffer like Jesus the way they taught me to pray for? No.

When I was 8, I was watching TLC's Say Yes to the Dress with my grandmother. As the episode began, I remember hearing the manager speaking to the women looking for dresses and her saying "we've never styled two brides before!" and my grandma turned off the tv in disgust and said "I hate those homosexuals." I remember going to sit in the sunroom and staring at the prisms in the window catching the sunlight and making rainbows. I was 8, homeschooled, and not allowed to have friends outside of my church or my family. I had never heard of two brides. I was trying to understand, then I realized. They were marrying each other. I didn't know how to feel about it, so I talked to my cousin and at the time closest friend about it. She shrugged and said "I don't think it's that weird." and so I decided that I didn't think it was weird either.

That moment was the first time I realized I could have a different opinion than my family and my church. In a home where I had no other way to rebel, I rebelled with my thoughts instead. I decided that I was going to be apart of the "world," and that it was ok to love people "of this world." As I got older, I found things not ringing true in my head, that the words of the pastor didn't line up with what I read in my Bible. My parents tried their hardest to shelter me; I didn't have internet access until I was 16, and even then it was heavily monitored until I went to college. I still found my ways, though. But that's a story for a different post.

Now, in my 20s, I've learned so much about life and Christianity and other religions. When I left for college, I stopped going to church. Church of Christ felt lifeless and suffocating. When I visit home I go to a non-denominational church, and for a little bit I felt like I was regaining my love of God, but instead all that happened was I lost my fear of Him. I remember standing in church 2 years ago and singing about my love and reverence for God, and realizing that I felt nothing. Singing used to be the only way I "connected" with God. I didn't realize until that moment that I was connecting with the harmony and community of singing together.

In the absence of my fear of God, I had no love for Him or His word. he was just him. a god who held no power over me. I studied more religions to see if I felt drawn to anything, but I didn't. There are so many stories out there that have some key similarities and it makes me wonder if there is anything out there, but I don't think that's something that I have to understand.

The universe is so specific; we have such unique conditions that I think it probably could be intentionally created by something or someone, but I no longer feel the need to obsess over what that was. I have a difficult time wanting to follow a religious text because those were written by humans, translated by humans, and warped by humans. I don't think it's possible to have a full picture of any god, much less THE god, if there is one.

For me, god is karma, kindness, and nature. I feel at peace when I'm near water. I feel love and loved when I see people exchanging kindnesses for no other reason than to make the other feel loved. I feel justice when I know that as long as I put good into the world, that I will always be able to find the good given back to me.

For me, that is enough.

[boggbitch]

This might be a pretty niche rant, I'm not sure - are other people's leftie queer circles as into nature and botany and environmentalism as mine?

But where I operate, the topics of nature/food justice/indigenous wisdom/liberation are all topics that are everyday conversation and people's passion and often occupation so I find myself surrounded by discourse relating to all of them either through online presence or you know, just like hanging out with my friends. Braiding Sweetgrass is basically the bible, closely followed by Parable of the Sower (the first one I agree with, it's a groundbreaking work of introducing alternatives to western ways of thinking about the world, the second I'm sorry. i just don't get it. not that exceptional or well written or revolutionary and in some ways even directly contradicting the supposed beliefs about social structures of its fans. that's fine. whatever)

And I think it's interesting to see a certain kind of person get really into aspects of this school of thought and adding it to their worldview as dogma, under the unspoken rule of "as North American colonizers we have the responsibility to accept into our hearts the wisdom of the Indigenous People as a way to bungle our way out of the colonialist way of treating the world and climate and environment collapse" -

Without interpreting those wisdoms as <drum roll> religious and cultural beliefs and frameworks, not the Ultimate and Truest Explanation for how the Universe Works -

Furthermore, religious and cultural beliefs that are not your own

Now as an atheist, former Catholic with what I humbly believe to be a strong set of moral and spiritual ideas, I think I am in an extraordinary position - I can pick and choose commandments from wherever the hell I please! And I can't pretend that my Judeo-Christian set of guidelines I was taught is 1. not relevant to who I am today and 2. in some way morally inferior to the Indigenous Wisdoms (insert image of Robin Wall Kimmerer in a robe with a harp and halo because blasphemy is fun). I respect the principle of Honorable Harvest but I do not believe that a plant or an animal or a fungi can consent to being eaten. This framework is not the ultimate truth, but a cultural concept that upholds the moral principle of "do not take more than you need. you're not alone in the universe". You know what else upholds this principle? "Thou shall not covet"/Greed as a deadly sin/Garden of Eden being given into the care of Adam and Eve. Boom. Arrived at the same value in the end.

But it's not that I give a shit if someone thinks the Honorable Harvest is a neat principle and appropriates it into their value system, whatever helps you be a better person, ask the blueberry bush for permission, great. But if you start extending the idea of Indigenous Wisdom into a kind of meaningless, rootless philosophy which is morally superior to all others, and extending its meaning from Indigenous (coming from specific North American Native nations) to Indigenous (all North America??) to Indigenous (all colonized peoples???) to Indigenous=Basically Just a Vibe, then congratulations, you've just reinvented yourself the Noble Savage archetype. You just backtracked yourself back into racism.

So yeah, yes we need to give stewardship over land to local native nations that historically cared for them better than your local US county. Yes we need to support communities and individuals to help them thrive after being horrifically oppressed for centuries. Yes we need to expand our understanding of the natural world beyond the concept of ownership and superiority. But we can (and must) do so without Inventing a Guy, meaning without mushing a thousand different cultures, and million varying and often opposing sets of opinions and principles, into a reductive idea of a philosophy that sounds cool when you put it in an Instagram graphic

[alicedoessurveys]

1 - When was the last time you spent over £100 in one transaction? What did you buy?  the food shop, huzzah for cost of living crisis

2 - Do you sleep with a stuffed animal? Would you judge a grown adult for doing so? I do. I have a stuffed sloth teddy (my emotional support sloth). as a teenager I was embarrassed about it and worried people would judge but now as a 28 year old I don't give a shit.

3 - Would you describe yourself as fashion-conscious, or do you just wear whatever feels comfortable?  I mean, I care what I look like but I will always choose comfort over style.

4 - The last time you got up from where you’re sitting, where did you go and what did you do? 

5 - Would you rather read an erotic novel or watch an erotic film?  neither thank you 🙈

6 - Who taught you how to tell the time on a proper analogue clock?  primary school teachers I guess

7 - What’s your favourite way to make your home smell good? Do you spend a lot of money on making this happen?  reed diffusers and plug in air fresheners. they don't have to be expensive, I get mine from Aldi

8 - How long have you had the computer/tablet you’re currently using? Does it need replacing or upgrading?  gotta be almost 10 years now. and because its apple its starting to give up life. but I can't afford to replace it.

9 - When you’re home alone, do you make sure all your doors are kept locked? I live alone, I always keep my doors locked unless I know someone is coming round.

10 - How often do you light candles? Do you just like regular ones or do you prefer scented ones or ones that make pretty patterns when they melt?  I have SO many candles and vary rarely actually remember to light them. I like scented ones.

11 - Are you any good at taking care of plants?  it is impossible for plants to survive in my care. I don't understand it. they just die. all the plants in my home are artificial.

12 - How many surveys have you taken so far today? Will you take anymore surveys today once you’ve finished this one?  this is the second one today. I plan to play sims after this.

13 - What are the main two colours in the room you’re currently in? Did you pick these colours out yourself?  the room is mainly white/cream but the wall behind me is painted with pink, blue and grey asymmetrical triangles. I decorated it myself.

14 - What was the last hot drink you consumed? What about cold drink?  had a toffee nut latte a few hours ago. current drinking cream soda.

15 - Do you have piercings anywhere except your ears? How many and what are they?  I have no piercings.

16 - Do you prefer taking baths or showers? How come?  I like a good bath, but it always results in my kitchen flooding because there's a leak so I tend to have showers. but my shower has shit water pressure and the temperature fluctuates between too hot and too cold so I don't enjoy showers.

17 - What time do you need to wake up tomorrow morning? What is it that you have to be up for?  8.30am.. 9am at the latest. I have church in the morning and its mothers day so I have to make sure I don't forget to take her presents

18 - If you work, how often do you get paid? Would you prefer to get paid more or less often?  I get paid at the end of every month which is fine tbh, just would like to be on more than £8 an hour

19 - What does your favourite pair of pyjamas look like? Do you wear them to sleep or just to be comfy around the house?  they're Hufflepuff ones. yellow long sleeve top with the house badge on, and yellow checkered leggings. super soft, suuuuuuper comfy.

20 - How often do you wake up in the night needing a pee?  not often.

21 - What apps do you use the most on your phone?  insta, Tumblr, WhatsApp, snapchat, bible

22 - Do you prefer cats or dogs? Do you own any of either?  I like both, but I LOVE dogs cause I work with them. I don't personally own any, but my family do.

23 - Do you have one of those fridges that has an ice-maker in the front? If not, would you find one useful?  I don't but I wish I did.

24 - Do you like wearing hats? What’s your favourite style?  I do. I like beanie hats. also don't mind wearing a cap in the summer.

25 - If you live in a household with pets, who is responsible for their care - both in terms of finance and the physical tasks involved? Im a single paw-rent to a house rabbit so all responsibility falls on me.

26 - What’s your opinion on leggings as pants? literally my work uniform

27 - Have you ever driven in bare feet or do you think that’s too dangerous?  I don't think I have. I think ive driven in socks before but it was uncomfortable

28 - Have you ever walked out of a job before? What were the circumstances and did you ever go back?  I have. I worked in a primary school during the pandemic. the covid rules at the time meant each class was supposed to be its own 'bubble' and wasn't allowed to mix with other classes but this school fully ignored it and had kids from multiple classes mixing together in a small room. the kids were always coughing on each other, licking things, one kid constantly had snot running down his face. it was a germ factory and I have health anxiety. I was also stressed because my 3 year old niece was in hospital and one day it just got too much and I had a panic attack and walked out. my boss had no understanding at all, turned it round to paint herself as a victim and basically was a bitch so I quit. and thank God I did because 2 months later I got hired as a dog walker :)

29 - Do you collect anything? Are these things worth money or are they practical/sentimental items?  I collect funko pop figures and yes I take them out the box. they have sentimental meaning to me because most of them were gifts from my best friend who died last year. we would always buy them for each other at Christmas

30 - Do you have anything hanging from your ceiling apart from lights?  nope

[murdcrofcrows]

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full name: silas esau clarke nicknames: si, castor gender / pronouns: cis man, he/him age & birthday: 37, october 30th occupation: bookman, criminal for hire, saint's babysitter gang affiliation: snake den, the magician orientation & status: demisexual kinsey scale 3, single strengths: eloquent, analytical, witty, perceptive, honest weaknesses: obstinate, possessive, compulsive, moody, judgmental

diving deeper -

*     ◟    :    〔  bryan tyree henry  ,      cis man   +   he/him    〕     SILAS ESAU CLARKE  ,      some say you’re a  THIRTY SEVEN YEARS OLD  lost soul among the neon lights.      known for being both  ELOQUENT  and  CYNICAL ,  one can’t help but think of  LONG LIVE THE CHIEF  by   JIDENNA  when you walk by.    are you still a   ASSOCIATES   /     BOOKMAKER  at    HANGING MAN  /   SELF- EMPLOYED,     even with your reputation as THE GENTLE THIEF?     i think we’ll be seeing more of you and    A TRAVEL FIRST AID KIT THAT CONSTANTLY GETS USED, EVERY WEAPON HAS A SPECIFIC NAME AND JOB, A LIVING LIE DETECTOR,    although we can’t help but think of THE TENTH DOCTOR (DOCTOR WHO),  WILL HUNTING (GOOD WILL HUNTING), LIP GALLAGHER (SHAMELESS US)  whenever we see you down these rainy streets.   

BACKGROUND.

tw: violence, blood, abandonment

among the fires, vandalism, and general mischief of DEVIL'S NIGHT an unknown child was born. left outside a busy fire station amid the chaos of the night, he laid silently in an ash and blood spotted towel for hours before he was discovered. - they said it was a miracle he survived but they may live to regret those words.

immediately he was thrust into the wayne county system, a ward of the state, until either claimed or adopted ( a hope that lost it's weight as each year went by, until it didn't matter anymore ). the first home he was sent to, an old religious family in a city of DEMONS, named him silas - peace, tranquility, and a faithful brother. at least one of those things would turn out to be true because less than six months later, his brother would arrive.

most would say his brother saint was far removed from his name, but silas would be quick to point out that it's because he's not their saint. it was quite clear from the beginning that despite having no blood relation, those two boys BELONGED to each other. inseparable, in fact. they tried to place them separately a few times, convinced one was the reason for the other's behavior. needless to say the system learned a new definition of FERAL ( from both children ), quite quickly.

they balanced each other out, make no mistake - just because one expresses their feelings a bit more, A LOT MORE, than the other, doesn't mean they don't operate on the same wavelength. saint may be the one always fighting, but that never meant silas didn't know how ( due to a few fixations, he's quite skilled with both knives and swords as well, not to brag or anything ) which is why it was not one, but BOTH of them that got kicked out of the majority of foster homes, boys homes, bible camps, youth development camps, and schools ( public and private ) throughout their tenure in detroit, michigan ( and it's surrounding cities ).

no matter, they would be out of there soon enough. silas applied for harvard on a whim when a school counselor pointed out his ' exceptional scores mixed with unique background ' and wouldn't you know it? HE GOT IN. there wasn't a chance in hell he was going to go off without his brother, but they found a way to both move there ( saint doing fuckall, while silas attended classes ). it only lasted a semester, silas finding it to be boring overall and a waste of time. why pay to be taught something that's available in books and on the internet? the most fun he had was cleaning out the rich kids pockets and watching his brother knock some of their perfect teeth loose.

that wasn't the end of massachusetts, however, some may say that was their real beginning. together they began to create a their own stability, a DYNASTY of sorts. silas already had the finance part of everything, he'd monetized their unique abilities for years. no, it was time for silas to learn a few new skills. hone the street survival into things like basic combat and defense, take advantage of the many gun ranges found in the united states and become a decent marksman. all while saint was making himself into an underground fighter equivalent to a wwe wrestler, better though because it was all real.

while his brother fought, he took bets - sometimes they rigged a fight or two ( downfall: it was hard to get saint to lose) and answered calls ordering all sorts of things from hits to shake downs and item retrieval. even a few robberies but silas wasn't a huge fan of those, at least not the ones they were meant to be sneaky during. not particularly either of their strong suits. they found their calling as CRIMINALS FOR HIRE and were damn good at it, too. once they tapped out that city, they moved to the next, and then onto the next. rinse, repeat, same ol' shit different day. but it was glorious wasn't it?

for a little over a decade, they've called the BIG APPLE home ( why was it called that anyway? it looks nothing like an apple if you ask him ) they made friends with some like-minded people, not much for group activities but happy to use their name for some extra work thrown their way. silas had other ways of making up the percentage hanging man took. you can find him taking bets on anything from his brother's fights to who's going to win the next sportsball major event he doesn't give two shits about. if there's MONEY to be made he'll consider it. when he's not doing that, silas keeps himself occupied with a myriad of hobbies and is quite good with some advanced first aid if you're ever in a pinch, just ask saint.

QUICK CONNECTIONS.

people who place bets with him

people looking to pay for criminal activity or information

a hobby buddy for down times

enemies

anything else you can think of, probably

HEADCANONS.

silas was non-verbal, with the exception of communication to saint, for the first few years of his life. he can still have quiet periods, but they hardly last too long and if you get him started on a topic of interest, he's not likely to shut up.

in follow up to that last one, he's quite expressive with his eyes and face. also tends to joke, a lot, especially likes to make people ( most of all saint ) laugh

he's fairly good at reading people, from years of changing from place to place, new caregivers, teachers, etc. he claims to be able to know when something's off about someone and a fairly accurate human lie detector.

silas often gets a fixation on things when he's bored or has free time. from this has come a myriad of hobbies and random skills, some examples being: knitting, sewing, bird & squirrel watching, candle making, scrapbooking, cooking, 1980s romance movies, arcades, and stone skipping. a few he's continued on with and others he's dropped forever.

his main love, besides money and anything with a blade, is vintage video games, consoles, and skee ball.

the bookie or bookman skills started in school, saint was going to fight everyone anyways he decided to take bets on the victors. they would also sell protection services and sometimes this would include selling protection from saint and silas.

in high school he got paid to take tests and write essays for other students, he refused to do any tutoring or projects for people though. no patience for it.

[lunarsilkscreen]

Influences on Zelda: Miyamoto Musashi

Ronin are a big part of Japanese culture post feudal Japan, and being a Ronin creates an easy entry point into the Hero' Journey story archetype. And for the west, Ronin creates a unique perspective that *kind of* mirrors European Knights or American Gunslingers, but in a completely different way.

Unlike Knights, who are royalty who have no choice but work as officers. And unlike Guns for Hire (Mercenaries), Ronin can be either Samurai, who are more similar to the European knight (who lost power when their lords fell, and might rise to Lord themselves) or they might be the Foot soldier. Trained from a very young age, and know much about the ways of warfare.

They might have sworn fealty, and been devoted to the cause. But after your Lord drops you entirely, or is defeated, or you otherwise find yourself lord-less. You are now Ronin.

The Ronin could've been anybody before they became Ronin, and post being a Ronin they have nothing. No allegiance, no ties, and in some cases we're expected to perform harakiri because they were a failure.

A living Ronin in that regard is open defiance to the social order. A warrior of any experience level who should be dead, but is not. Who had a cause to fight for, but now does not. And randomly appears where their skill is needed.

Otherwise, they're considered nothing but a bum. Who nobody will hire unless it's menial labor below their ability. Or, unless you're Link, who technically doesn't even exist in society's standards.

And either shows up to break pots, or save people's lives. Depending on how he feels that day.

Miyamoto Musashi was a swordsman (I'd say "no relation to Miyamoto Shigeru" but nobody knows that except him.) Not just a swordsman, A legendary one known as a "Kensai". If going by the modern day "belt system" of martial arts, he probably wouldn't even register on the scale.

Miyamoto Musashi wrote the book "The Five Rings". Which was a bare bones explanation of his martial art. Understanding that there were many schools in which to learn the sword, or other Martial Arts, Musashi instead wrote about that bits that all the schools share instead of focusing on sharing his own personal school of martial art that was common in masters of the time.

It's so broad in scope, despite being a bare bones manual, even entrepreneurs use the "Five Rings" as a manual in which to do business.

Musashi has four names by the way; which includes: Shinmen Takezō, Miyamoto Bennosuke, and Niten Dōraku.

(theory: Niten-Dō, Nitendo, Nintendo) at the very least, Fusajiro Yamauchi (Founder of Nintendo) may have been inspired by Miyamoto Musashi.

Who knows for sure; perhaps the Spirit of Niten haunts and protects Nintendo.

The story Behind The Three Godsesses in Z64 are tightly bound to the fundamentals in this book. And the opening might sound similar to the Bible.

The first chapter is Earth; In the beginning there was the earth.

The second chapter is Water; And the (Goddess Nayru) Flooded the Earth

The third chapter is Fire; And the (Goddess Din) said "let their be light"

The fourth chapter is Wind; And the (Goddess Nayru) brought life (creatures) to the earth.

5678.

After that is "Void". It is described as "esoteric musings", but last I read it, it was Musashi trying to explain what it's like to understand that which does not yet exist. Or the inner workings of a thing you don't know how it works. Trying to explain to students, not just to learn what is taught, but to learn what cannot be taught.

In modern day parlance; trying to figure out how the "black box" works.

This is depicted in all sorts of ways, fighting the shadow, fending off death, learning and creating new things. Life, etc... not just relying on the "same old" but accepting the new things that replace the old.

The autumn that gives way to spring.

The Miyamoto Niten that gave way to Miyamoto and Ninten. (I'll see myself out.)

[mariasabanahabanabana]

FUN FACT OF THE DAY ABT T.S: did you, Raza, guys, my people, know that Taylor Swift is an actual superhero? Cause she saved me

Or well, at least for me is...

For some time now I've been a fan of Taylor Swift or as I usually name her "la wera" (the Blondy) and over the years, because yes, I have been in the fandom for more than a year, I have heard on several occasions the phrase "actually, T.S has a song that explains it", but, (at least me) not so much the phrase "in fact Taylor Swift saved me", so... On this beautiful rainy winter dawn i come to tell you how "Reputation" saved my life...

And yeah, I'm sharing this now cause of the upcoming recording of Reputation and before someone comes to tell me "but how do you know?" Mijin (nickname that we also use in Mexico to refer to Taylor or Swifitie), It's a matter of dates, start doing the math... And probably when the album comes out I'll go into some kind of regression and feel a little unwell...

And well you prob will say: "Why should I care?" (I'm kinda defensive today, r?) And yeash, but this is my blog and if I want to publish a photo of a sausage or my story of surviving my blue period, I'm gonna do it, period. (Sorry for the rudeness, I swear I'm not like that most of the time. [guess so])

Anyway, as Bad Bunny would say, storytime my people.... Or something like that, I'm not a big fan of him....

Well you see, at the same time that Tay was being attacked by the media, fans and basically the "whole world", su servidora (me) wasn't having the best time either, I was in "secundaria", which in USA and Canada is highschool (or to be more specific, 7th-8th grade), so if hormones weren't enough of a problem, add massive hatred, Unrequited crush, two sexual assaults, bulliyng, a fight, a nearly broken ankle, cyber bullying and, as icing on the cake, multiple visits to mental hospitals for various mental and eating disorders 😀👍

Since it was a super dense year (in the bad sense of the word) I'll just give a quick context, but I think the above already makes the point.

Haters gonna hate¿?: private school + people from "high" economic strata + hegemonic white people + (I know this is going to sound like an exaggeration, but I swear it's true) ONLY NON-HEGEMONIC BRUNOWN GIRL= years of bullying - racist attacks - consecutive xenophobes.

And Yep, I'm now aware that I'd have defended myself by hitting, insulting or Go with a professor, but first and foremost, as I said, I was the only girl of colour in my class and one of the few in the school. (was mixed / coeducational, but before that it was male, so it was the most predominant gender), Therefore, hitting or verbally attacking others WAS NOT, NOR IS NOR WILL IT continue to be an option, Secondly, teachers in Mexico suck, not all of them, but most of them, and the ones I had to deal with were, and I went to a Private school, third and last, I was never taught to defend myself, because they (mom, granma, church and the Bible) said that attacking your neighbour (or whoever) was a sin and at that time religion had "some importance in my life", in fact I still find it difficult to defend myself....

Unrequited crush: In short, my crush fell in love with my friend, who knew about my feelings towards him, so with the massive hatred that I already carried, I was considered the "slut" from school, at the age of 14 💀💀💀

Sex assault: The first one was a bet that a WHITE girl made with her friend, it happened in the middle of English class and again I didn't do anything and apparently "nobody noticed" and if they did I don't think they wanted to get involved in a problem with the school - class slut

And the second was when I went to get my physics homework checked, Let's just say that wearing pants doesn't exempt you from being handled like fruit in a market. (It's my trauma, it's my story and I will make whatever jokes I want and Decide)

Bullying: I wasn't pretty, my Reputation was on the floor, they bothered me about my crush, I had some kind of accent, Not much to say about it.

Fight: To date this has been the PENDEJA (DUMB) reason to start a fight... A (ex) friend invited me to the Justin Bieber concert (you can see how old I am and this story is), but within an hour she canceled me for going with another friend (a friend who also bullied me [cancellation that I later found out was due to my bad image and the rumors that circulated about me]), then I don't know how or why but a friend that they both had in common detested me, so with the thing of the concert and my annoyance that my (ex) friend was going out with one of the many girls who bullied me, a group of girls told me that they would "make up" with me on the way out, and that was that.... They took me to the football field (the school was - it's enormous) that was at the other end of the exits and they gave me the beating of my life...

At this point you may be wondering, "but what abt your mom? what's wrong? Didn't she notice the bruises or what?" Look, An advantage - disadvantage of my skin colour is that bruises are hardly visible, so the bumps weren't visible, besides, my mother works, my grandma was her and her only function with me was to pick me up from school, feed me, "take care of me" and see that I did my homework... And my uncle - dad, well.... 🍺🍺🍺

Almost broken ankle: have you ever watched in those typical American series (e.g. Chicken Little) where everyone play dodgeball and end up throwing all the balls at one person, well, I'm the one. So in a game one of the "mean girls" (I'll call it that to shorten the term) threw a ball at my ankle when I was running and well, in those days I used to be prone to tripping.

(oigan nmmn que pinche experiencia tan qlra, ya hasta ando llorando por recordar esto, JAJAJAJAJAJA)

Cyber ​​bullying: bullying, just like the blue sea and sky, is infinite... What I am trying to say is, that high school - puberty should not exist, as well as the access (permission) to social networks, at least during those years...

Hospital visits: okay and now what was arguably one of the hardest knocks I've ever had to go through.... Look guys, my grandma isn't the typical sweet and loving grandmother, I'd say (in my experience) that she's a mix of Ida (Malcolm in the Middle's grandmother) and Grandma from Encantó... However, OF ALL THE ADULTS, SHE WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO REALIZED THAT SOMETHING WAS WRONG WITH ME, cause there came a point where I only slept, I didn't even take off my uniform or do my homework and if I did, I slept the rest of the time until night, the time when my most catholic side came out, because night after night I asked, not PRAY, IMPLORE God (if there's one or exists) to take me, because I couldn't go on, I didn't want to go on, I only wanted to fall asleep and never wake up... What a merciful being he is...

One night I couldn't sleep, apart from the anxiety I had I was also dealing with tooth decay, so, being the brightest person in the county, I took almost a whole box of ibuprofen 500mg and naaaaambre, Until that point I had not felt my heart beat so fast... Not even when I was in love, I went to the nursery, they checked me and well... There, everything was revealed, my cuts, my record of constant visits (as I was just looking for an excuse to leave early) and that I was clearly suffering from an overdose. After that morning I can't remember much of what happened in the next few hours - days....

The case, I ended up hospitalized for a month, When I returned to school I was known as "Hanna Baker", that's right, the one from the series, at this point I only hung out ( eat in the Playtime ) with 3 friends... As for my "multiple hospital visits", I asked my mum to do what she could to let me out to finish the year, as there was NO FU C K I N G WAY I was gonna repeat that grade.... So they (doctor's) "agreed", signing a responsive letter and that, plus two weeks before graduation I went back, returned to school and was again interned....

Now, que porongas (what the heck) does Taylor Swift have to do with all this?? Well you see, I had heard her music before, but I wasn't the graaan fan, but between my interventions and constant outings I heard her music, specifically Rep, cause it was the year she came back and I didn't really know who she was or what she was going through, but hearing the album made me feel connected to her, her lyrics, situation and feelings (once I translated them of course). Later I looked into what was going on with their massive cancellation and well, in that moment of loneliness I felt what I needed, to know that someone understood what I was "going through".

So, if it weren't for Rep, especially my holy, Give me strength in my worst moments, Trinity, "LWYMMD, I did something bad and Don't Blame me", I probably wouldn't be here, telling this or maybe I'd, but I'll still be stuck in that hole of depression.

So in a few possible days - months not only will Reputation be released, but it will also celebrate another year of life... yeah, my "me" from before, of course Was dying slowly and cruelly (literally) in that year, 2017, but one way or another she (I) managed to come back to life.

I might be 20, In legal terms, but, I died and came back to life and currently have been 6 years without being thaaaat bad, absolutely I still take my meds, go (try) to therapy, and have been hospitalized, but (for only god knows What occasion number) no blue period compares and I hope it never compares to what I go through....

And for that strength, courage and support that @taylorswift gave me, thank you so very , very, very, much... I don't think I'll ever be able to thank you for this... This second chance and reinvention