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a-teacup-of-golden-cracks · 11 months

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tw this is a trauma post but it's also a narrative I'm proud of. Suicide and self harm (mental and physical) will be mentioned.

To help those who aren't me understand, I think in part in references since it is both easier and more fun than creating original thoughts.

(1): reference to the videogame Omori

(2): reference to the movie The Dark Knight (take a guess as to why I like and relate to the joker)

(3): reference to a song I like (in order, HOPE by NF, Somewhere I Belong by Linkin Park, Love the Subhuman Self by AISHA, Arc System Works, and Jamison Boaz)

(4): a random saying I heard and enjoyed

“No one knows what it's like to be the bad man, to be the sad man behind blue eyes. No one knows what it's like to be hated, to be fated to telling only lies”

“Behind blue eyes” by The Who

Welcome to the nonsensical abyss of my mind, you've been here as long as you can remember (1). By reading this you're getting to see my thoughts without translation. Nothing here makes sense to anyone except me, I make references others rarely understand. But allow me to tell the story of how what you see now came to be. You wanna know how I got these scars (2)? “I spent years of my life holdin’ on to things I never should've kept, full of hatred, years of my life wishin I was someone different looking for some validation.” (3)

Middle school was a special sort of subtle hell for me, it stole things without me noticing. First it was my feeling of impervious safety when a kid laughed at a genuine heartfelt remark I made. Then it was my trust that friends would never betray me and always respect me when they wouldn't stop making jokes at my expense. Slowly, steadily I descended into paranoia and loneliness, and thus my contentedness with life was stolen. The ax forgets yet the tree never does(4).

A secret hidden issue that I only found out this year was that the ADHD meds I needed to take to function may have been causing the paranoia to start with. I still don't know how to feel about that, that all my issues and trauma might stem from something that's not even real.

Once I started high school it became more and more apparent that nobody liked me. At least not for very long. I never learned to function in middle school so I was still struggling with what everyone else already knew and mastered. Giving a compliment and sexual harassment, would you like to know the difference? I would've but nobody told me until after I'd been punished.

Intent vs impact, I never intended to hurt anyone yet my impact was that I did more often than not. So I cut off the things that hurt people, removed them from my mind. Who needs humor? Not me if I can't use it right. Who needs to give compliments? Not me if I can't say it right. Who needs to hug people to show affection because it's your primary love language and you want to show everyone how much you like and appreciate them? …… not me…. if I must…. to not hurt them…

You see where my inner pain starts now? Where the scars in my mind begin? There were two things I could never bear to cut and slice away, my name and my kindness. Most trans people change their names to align more with their gender but I decided no. I am done changing things for other people to accept me more, they never do. My name is Daniel and it's the sum of my entire being. If I am non-binary, or a woman, or some eldritch horror that everyone fears and that has lost every shred of humanity because of the things I've endured, then my name represents all of that. It's not my issue if people make a poor assumption about my name because of what they think it should be.

Maybe I don't even want to be human anymore if all that humans have shown me is hate. All throughout high school it was nothing but hate or dislike shown to me, barely any kindness outside of my family. So I isolated myself from everyone, to avoid those who hated and to not burden my family with my issues. I'd handle it by myself like I always had in the past and I'd be ok.

I was not ok.

I was rageful. I was tearing myself apart more and more and more internally, only my desire to never hurt anyone kept me from tearing the school down brick by brick with all the students inside it. But maybe… could it be I was the exception and the problem? Could it be I'm the one who deserves to hurt for the pain I've caused? Should I hurt myself? And so I tried once, a good solid punch to the forehead that didn't make me feel any better and never tried again.

The pain I deserved wasn't physical, it was mental and so I gave myself infinite mental pain. What an idiot I was for giving that compliment when clearly in retrospect it was sexual harassment, what a dumbass I was for saying that joke, looking back I deserve to lose my entire friend group over it. Maybe I'd be better off if I didn't exist anymore if I caused more harm than good and could never seem to learn or improve. The thoughts I had then… and sometimes still now… it's so hard to remember that looking into the past makes everything obvious in the worst ways possible…

But there was a light eventually, someone who told me all that was wrong. Someone I met online and will never see in person, someone I messed up horribly with and yet she still forgave me. Thank you infinitely June. You showed me that monsters can be good.

So I steeled my resolve and used my rage at myself to look inward and outward and found that I was being mistreated and misunderstood. I shouldn't kill myself to not exist or hurt people because I would improve and I could make others improve. So I stood at the very last meeting in front of the whole school and spoke the truth of my mind with as much respect and rage as I could muster. So much pain and anger and hate and sadness I'd endured and I showed all of it to the entire high school of 300 people.

I've never felt more satisfied in my life than when the headmaster of the school himself asked if there was anything he could do for me and I said no. I've never felt more proud when I met with him two days later and asked for a neurodivergent support group to be created for the middle and high school, and he said yes. Half a year later my brother told me that the headmaster stuck to his word and did more than I asked. I never felt more vindicated than when I was told by my only friend that he'd heard people making school shooter jokes after I stood up and told my story.

And so I started to heal. My humor, I did need that. How could I be happy if I could never make myself laugh? My desire to give joy and be kind, I needed that. How could I not fulfill the purpose in life I'd made for myself? My ability to hug and love and be happy with others, I needed that. Desperately. “I want to heal, I want to feel what I thought was never real, like there was somewhere I belong.”(3) I just needed to find better people who understood. I reconnected with my family and told my pain and tried in every possible way to show how sorry and sad I was for cutting them off. I couldn't stitch the old bits back onto me but maybe I could grow something new. Something I wanted and I loved, for me.

I can never fully heal, that's why you see the holes in my form, but I've incorporated them now, so that they help me as much as they hurt. I carry on and love my subhuman self, accept me for me and go back to being with humans (3). I give them the kindnesses I can but only after I do that for myself. This is the kindness and respect I give to me, the biggest change I made, because I deserve it as much as everyone else. Now close your eyes and you'll leave this dream (1).

“But my dreams, they aren't as empty as my conscience seems to be.”

Behind Blue Eyes by the Who

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vampr1x-bl00dx · 7 months

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I came to request as fast as I could

Could I get a matchup for Honkai star rail?

| # — I'm an average aroallo guy (I can still do romance 😞), I have pale skin , short fluffy and messy wavy black hair, wearing glasses. I dress in victorian goth fashion and have been told I look like a vampire. Though I'm scared of the dark which is quite ironic, i'm the textbook definition of the song "yes I am a nerd! Bookworm. I am studious" Although my brain decides to dissolve at simple conversations like I will not understand , I'll just be saying "huh??" until I finally get it. So I'm kinda like academically smart but socially an idiot. If you say something and I think about it for too long I'll go on a nonsensical rant, kinda like Deku from MHA but more chaotic on thinking, I have an addiction to drinking Pepsi and collecting and playing with Yu-Gi-Oh cards I also like My Melody from Sanrio but that's just a small obsession with cute stuff, like trinkets, figurines, plushies, & I like drawing in a cute art style, and drawing my partner too. I have a liking for werewolves, ik very surprising 🙀, I have two pets one is a Mexican Red Knee tarantula named Sir Websalot and other is a fuzzy brown cat named Morrigan, i have extremely broken humor I'll literally laugh at anything that is remotely silly sounding to me, [i.e : the word "balls".] I don't have a firm understanding of the concept of love so I'll just say stuff like "I love you like how I love the color red"

| # — gender preference - none , but if you pair me with girls just know that I am extremely shy around women like my social skills deplete I'll just stay quiet and awkwardly smile with a probably red face. Literal boyfailure

| # - love language : ig acts of service and receiving gifts.

Hi! Thank you so much for requesting!

Now the person I see you with is….

Blade!

For one I feel like he’ll be very appreciative of the acts of service you would do for him

He may not show it but he’ll definitely keep the pieces of art work you’ll do for him and he’ll most likely have them hung up or framed somewhere

Hell would definitely sit down and listen to you rant about your interest for hours at a time and wouldn’t really complain or find it boring

He would give you items of the stuff you like figure or even more goth clothing (superior fashion sense 10/10).

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stillarandom-radfem · 1 year

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You know, gendies and radfems can argue back and forth all day about whether gender dysphoria is a "real" mental disorder or not, but one thing that I refuse to argue is the utterly ridiculous notion that having it can somehow change your biological sex on it's own. A self-loathing man is still a man, and a self-loathing woman is still a woman; your personal sense of self-worth has zero impact on your DNA. The purpose of language is to enhance communication, and those words developed to describe people with specific reproductive typicalities. They didn't develop to make people feel good, because feeling good is not the purpose of language (that's what chocolate is for, jk, lol). Without a solid definition to words, the entire purpose of language dissolves, and no one will be able to understand one another. Think of the biblical "tower of Babel" story, but happening in real time, NOT mythical, and, obviously, induced by human stupidity instead of some presumably made-up, patriarchal angry god. Besides, biological women will still go on existing without a word to describe ourselves, regardless of whether men (trans-identified or otherwise) like it or not. We just won't be able to organize politically, since the law requires clear and concise language in order to work. And I'm pretty sure that barring half the human race from the right to political organization and redress violates several international human rights laws. But then, I guess it shouldn't surprise us that TiMs don't want us to have the same basic human rights that they do, because they really don't make any bones about their misogynistic hatred of women. Want to prove otherwise, TiMs? Stop claiming that having gender dysphoria makes you a woman. It makes you a man with gender dysphoria, full stop.

Also, it goes against the laws of science to claim that feelings change your sex, and also should probably be noted that it doesn't seem to apply to any other mental health disorders. Anorexics, Bullimics, and Orthorexics all think themselves fat; that doesn't mean they are. People with Cotard's Syndrome may believe that parts of their bodies are missing, or that they're dying, dead, or don't exist; that doesn't mean that any of that is true. Schizophrenics can suffer auditory and sometimes visual hallucinations and experience delusions of grandeur and and acute paranoia. I once met a mostly recovered schizophrenic guy who told me about an episode he once had at a family picnic in the park wherein he hallucinated that he saw aliens land from outer space in a flying saucer, and no one else could see them. News flash: aliens didn't land; they were all in his mind. I am quite short (five feet tall exactly, to be precise). If I managed to delude myself that I was really eight feet tall and told everyone else that I was such, that would not magically make me eight feet tall, nor would it change the fact that I am the shortest person in my immediate family. Hell, I can't even add mere inches to my height simply by claiming a different one, let alone feet. And being short can really suck. Not being able to reach stuff, being frequently condescended to, predatory men choosing me precisely because they want someone weak and vulnerable. I don't like it. But, hey, it's genetics. There is nothing I can do about it. No matter how much I may wish I was 5'6", I'm not. And if wishing I was taller won't actually make me taller, why would wishing you weren't your sex make you the opposite one?

The point is, although wishy-washy New Agers and intellectually dishonest postmodernists alike may violently disagree with me, the truth is that feelings don't change facts and our thoughts really don't do anything to shape our physical and biological realities. The words we use to describe our biology, our political categories, and everything else around us are based on physical realities that absolutely anyone can physically observe in the real world. Turning the world upside down and calling things perpetually the opposite of what they are will not actually change what they are IRL, and you at least secretly know that. If you find yourself unable to cope, that is, shockingly, not the rest of society's problem. You need to learn how to deal with that yourself.

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tombeane-blog · 2 years

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Dictionary of Confusing Idioms

There is no centralized, controlling authority on the creation of phrases and idioms.

And the English language has become a confusing mess caused by this scattered precipitous over-simplification.

Maintaining current understanding during this drift towards a Babelian future requires constant vigilance and intense study.

Something you old people are just not good at anymore.

I've noticed that some less-young people have lost the ability to make sense of phrases they used to understand completely - like, "Whats The Haps?" and "How's It Hanging?" and "Cool!".

So I am in the process of creating the modern dictionary of common idioms to help the old and brain ossified live out their miserable isolated lives with some faint understanding of what's going on all around them.

Let's start with one of the most egregious examples. Totally opposite statements which mean the same thing. Who thought this c-rap would ever make sense?

Definition: Stated intention to move in any direction (as long as it is vertical) to indicate your acquiescence to mutually and enthusiastically participate in an unusual suggestion of action.

Idiom: "I'm Down For It." or "I'm Up For It." (If the speaker is under the influence of alcohol, the sub-phrase "Here, Hold My Beer! will sometimes be appended.)

Definition: A desperate plea to minimize discomfort after a minor transgression of societal, cultural or legal norms by pretending to be a close relative of the nearest person of authority who is attempting to restrain the offender.

Idiom: "Don't Tase Me Bro"

Definition: A sudden, violent explosion that scatters bloody and gooey bits of brain matter in all directions as a positive, realistic, indication of pleasant surprise and shock when first you come to understand an unanticipated action or event.

Idiom: "It Literally Blew My Mind"

Definiton: Underscoring by insulting the listener via a forced gender assignment by referring to Them/They/Zer/Zey in a restrictive male-only manner in order to powerfully point out that your current verbalization is - no.way.hosay.something.false - but is very much a priori, true.

Idiom: "Dats Da Fack, Jack!"

Often today, you may be even further obfuscated because the words themselves are eliminated and only letters are used.

Definition: A vigorous and exuberant overt giggling reaction to a statement or event that is so energetic, robust and powerful that a vital piece of the human anatomy protecting the end point of the alimentary tract is dislodged.

Idiom: "LMAO"

(OMG! Shut The Front Door! Who comes up with this liquid hell? Sometimes even I get obfuscationated.)

As usual, there are always exceptions to the rule and some phrases are so clear that they do not need a more nuanced or detailed definition - but instead should literally always be taken literally.

Idiom: "Don't Get Your Panties In A Twist"

Definition: "Don't get your panties in a twist"

I've got a lot of work to do on this so I guess I'll need to break into little pieces the anatomical padding near my alimentary terminus in order to get this done. (I'm still working on a phrase to use to describe this one.)

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herri-writes · 2 years

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About the writer and the blog:

𖧷 My name is Herrianne. I have this name as a pen name and an online name for almost a year or two. (This name is not my real name btw)

𖧷 My nationality is Filipino. Yes, you read it right. Also, English is not my first language including tagalog but still write fics with the said language.

𖧷 I'm a minor and does SFW content but rarely sprinkled a little bit of spice when wanted (lol). By my age, I dare not to disclose it unless when I wanted to.

𖧷 My astrological sign is Aquarius, February Aquarius to be specific. My birthday is 1st of February.

𖧷 I'm currently a senior high school student and I'm rarely busy with schoolworks at my chosen strand and track. (First semester is a breeze but it'll be hell once it ends and second semester starts lmao.)

𖧷 I called myself "The Dreamer" because I pursue my dreams. I'm also a realist ever since my depression because I'm old enough to stick to reality and accept it even I'm an airhead. Sometimes my dreams came true not long before the said date or time or event. Till then, I addressed myself as "The Dreamer".

𖧷 By writing, I rarely write because of writer's block and tried to look for inspiration and motivation. I wrote a lot back then and wrote TWST related and Devil Butler with Black Cat related oneshots, fanfictions, and works. I added Genshin Impact and Ensemble Stars!! to my writing list. I may or may not've ended up simping on few characters in mentioned games. Hehe...

𖧷 My genres are filled with angst or fluff or either in between. I can add yandere (but not the part where it'll go 0 to 100 real quick), romance (patience is the key for a reader), crack (when I'm high), or tragic (don't make me drag you into angst hole after this). My works will be mostly on female reader and sometimes for gender neutral. I don't do male reader. I'm sorryTT

𖧷 I am only a fic writer but I don’t accept requests. I only write for my own and share it to my readers. So please, avoid sending me any requests. Thank you very much.

𖧷 I also accept any collaboration work with anyone when it's writing related. Please, make the whole work SFW and ask permission to me if it's okay when you're adding a little spice. When using tags, use the correct one. If you don't know how, I'll teach you. Of course, you'll be added in the credits because you're special and you're doing well in the whole work.

𖧷 By gaming, I rarely play Twisted Wonderland and Devil Butler with Black Cat, occassionally on Genshin Impact and Project Sekai: Colorful Stage, and more often on Ensemble Stars!! because I focus more on rhythmic and not on Natsume (lmao). Don't worry about my academic performances. I balanced it but I procrastinate and cram a lot and it's a habit since two years of blended modular classes.

I mainly focus on rhythmic and lore, rarely on gachas because I'm saving for something specific because I always cry when something I saved up for doesn't arrive or come homeTT Just your mediocre gacha player being broke after this.

𖧷 By social interaction, you can send me asks. My messages are only available to my mutuals and friends, especially the ones who I followed back. When you send me an ask, make sure it's a topic I clearly understand and made me feel comfortable. Don't send me an ask if you're making a hate comment/response or something that could make me uncomfortable.

𖧷 By social medias, I only have Facebook, TikTok, Tumblr, Messenger, and Discord. I'll send these to you as long as I trust you and comfortable sending my account names. Or I can send it to you when I wanted to.

𖧷 Since school and gaming took over my time, I barely wrote anything but I'm editing my past works to see and check if there's any mistakes or errors. Some of them will be rewritten and reposted when needed.

𖧷 My blog is a multi-fandom blog so currently, the content in my blog will be mostly focused on Twisted Wonderland, Genshin Impact, Devil Butler with Black Cat, and Ensemble Stars. Written works, fanarts, related-content, etc. We can also talk about it of course. Spam reblogging is not allowed and it'll cause a huge mess at my blog's timeline. It's one hell of scrolling. Blame my friends for that. Talk to me at the post's comment box and all is done and settled.

𖧷 Repost is not allowed. Plagiarism is not allowed. Copying and stealing is not allowed. My works are not for sale and I only write for fun. Reblogging my posts is okay. Liking my posts is okay. I saw a few of TWST content makers in Tumblr got their work being copied, plagiarized, or stolen without the original creator's notice. So if you saw anyone took any of my content, send me an ask or message me in dms. Thank you very much.

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harventheblorbo · 2 years

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Their Love Languages! Autobots➥

Containing:.. everyone that's a Autobots (that I know of) .. Gender neutral reader

___ is gender neutral (human or cybertronian is up to you)

Warning:.. May have some errors or misspelled stuff. Didn't feel like writing it on my laptop lmfao. Little swearing

authors note: it was legit 4 am and I thought, 'let's make something that you will regret if you don't finish it!' and I pulled this out of my ass so enjoy this and please request anything I’m bored out of my mind💀

Optimus Prime;

Giving; His main love language is quality time and gift giving. His favorite moments are just spending time with you as that might be the only way to communicate how much he loves you. For gift giving, he sees gifts as if they have meaning you each one. He does try to put some meaning behind it as well.

Receiving; he loves receiving acts of service. To him it shows that you are willing to show that you love him by helping him with his life

Ratchet;

Giving; despite this man being a grumpy man, his love language is Quality time and and acts of service. He enjoys just sitting there as you two chat about random things as he works. When he isn’t working he likes to help you with things.

Receiving; This man is VERY simple with what he gets. He likes acts of service. He likes how someone helps with him and thinks it has meaning when you help with his stuff so it doesn’t take longer to do what ever he needed

Bumblebee;

Giving; Words of affirmation. Simple as that. He loves pampering you with compliments and sometimes enjoys when you blush at his comments. He wants to make sure that he loves you by telling you the usual ‘I love you’s and just wholesome stuff that he would say. (Or in this case beep and whirr at you)

Receiving; He enjoys physical touch. Either that be simple hand holding or to cuddling he just enjoys it a lot and begs you with puppy eyes for late night cuddling or random naps together.

Arcee;

Giving; She shows her love through Acts of service and gift giving. She may not be the best at showing her love through love so she shows it in different ways and just prays that you understand how much you mean to her.

Receiving; As in return, she loves Physical Touch. She is extremely touch starved so she enjoys you hugging her a lot of just hand holding. She loves it when you are just talking with her and you two are holding hands.

Bulkhead;

Giving; his main thing is acts of service. He helps you with sometimes reaching up places where you normally can't. Or just helping you carry stuff that you can't

Receiving; he likes words of affirmations to praise his acts of service. It also shows that you truely love him and not just trying to ignore it.

WheelJack;

Giving; his love language is physical touch and words of affirmations . To him, it's the true way to show how to love a S/O. When it comes to physical touch, he will random just cling to you and not let go. It will also be very random but can last along time being in cuddle bug mode. When it comes to words affirmations he will say random 'love you's and random bullshit that Just makes you flustered.

Receiving; he is not picky with what he gets. He enjoys when he has a S/O that gives him physical touch so it's just cuddle bugs with cuddle bugs.

Ultra Magnus;

Giving; Gift giving and words of affirmations. He is the best at gift giving as he finds that he will randomly find and will buy it for you if it reminds him of you. You if you straight up ask him.

Receiving; physical touch, I think that he is EXTREMELY touch starved so when you touch him in the slightest, he will fall harder for you then he already has.

Smokescreen;

Giving; words if affirmations and physical touch, his favorite thing to do is to cuddle you and just tell jokes or say shit that will make you flustered as all hell.

Receiving; Quality Time. He loves it when his S/O just wants to spend time with him like a little lost puppy.

Cliffjumper;

Giving; Quality time and words of affirmations. He just enjoys spending some time with you as he spoils you rotten with compliments.

Receiving; he loves Gift giving. He just thinks that it's cute when his S/O gives him little things.

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greyeyedmonster-18 · 2 years

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Hi I am sorry I am not from America and I always thought the 4th was a happy thing. Why do you say it is not? I don't want to be rude just trying to understand (sorry if this is mean or bad English is not my first language)

helllllo, anon <3 (also please know this answer isn't targeted AT you, and you're....allowed to have questions and not understand; i did not interpret this as rude, you've done nothing wrong. i have answered and unfortunately, it is just a subject that makes me very passionate and blunt)

cw for below the cut: us politics! disability politics! roe v wade mention; gun violence

so personally, i have never liked the fourth because i hate fireworks! Since i was a child! I would camp out at home during the fourth, refusing to go anywhere because I hate loud noises and nothing activates a trauma response for me more that banging and booming and popping for sometimes hours (also if you have lived in a city ever, you know that the first week of July, and end of june is also often filled with fireworks, for no reason). i am very thankful that the past two years i have been in a very sleepy little part of my state and the fireworks haven't been an issue but like hell am i going anywhere

(also road closures? forget about it. crowds? nah, im way too paranoid to go anywhere with swarms of people and the News Today! Should tell you why! I stopped going to the movies years ago!). i have never celebrated, never gone to a fourth party, never done anything relating to this holiday.

and you know.

politically.

i find it very hard to celebrate "independence" and "freedom", especially these past 8 years when rights continue to be taken away; when a man endorsed by the KKK was able to be elected into office. where laws are made to protect guns and not people (lol did we hear in texas how 100 MILLION was given to increase school safety, and 50 million of that is going towards "bullet-resistant" shields for police officers? cool cool cool). where people with disabilities cannot get married or have a job without risking losing their benefits; where bodies are treated as expendable; are battlegrounds and identities are debatable. where you're a whole person in one state and can't cross a border into another without fearing for your life. where the right to love and marry whomever you want regardless of race or gender is a question, and something up for discussion.

where we are on YEAR THREE of a global pandemic with no end in sight and money is continuously prioritized over well-being of the people who live here. its amazing to me that money can "just be found" when our military needs it, but we were unable to provide checks to people during the pandemic, or housing to people who need it or hell even make fucking tampons free. where i am forced to live with the results of failed leadership on behalf of the potus (Vote! is the new thoughts and prayers and i am sick of it) and there are RAMIFICATIONS that trickle down to my place of work, and where i attend school, and where my kid attends school, and how people exist in this world. where representatives who are trying their damn best to fight for us, are labeled as lunatics. and that's not even all of everything.

I flew on a plane a few weeks ago for the first time in three years and while I was in line at security, with my child, there was an "ALL STOP" called over the PA system and I was standing there, while the TSA agents listened to their radio, calculating an exit plan for my kid while I was fully prepared to go into the fire should anything happen. That is the world we are living in, the country we are living in.

that isn't something i'm going to celebrate.

life liberty and the pursuit of happiness my entire asshole, tbh. i am not celebrating jack shit.

#asks #grey answers #and grey is over it #cw: us politics #cw: gun violence #cw: roe v wade #i am posting this and if i get any other bullshit trying to argue with me in my box it will be deleted #the end

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darling-i-read-it · 3 years

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Hell yeah bill hader!! So this is the most random ass mix of characters ever, but can I ask for Barry Berkman, Erik Lensherr, Will Graham, Hannibal (NBC version) with a gender neutral s/o who (this may sound cringey but I am the cringe lord) physical contact helps them feel safe? Like just an arm around their shoulders or something and they're able to relax a little more. (Found out the other day that this is apparently an ND thing, so it explains why that happens to me lmao)

Also completely going of the rails here, but do you write for Chilton or Zeller from Hannibal?

Also I think you write for spn?? So could I add Lucifer from spn to the list of characters for the request if youre comfy with that. If not or if it's too many dw bout it

Also sorry for talking so much this is what happens when you have adhd and are extremely extroverted like me lmao

Hi! I do not write for Chilton or Zeller, I don't like Chilton lol and Zeller was to much of a side character for my taste (though I wouldn't say no to Miss Katz). And no worries for talking to much, I understand! I hope you like it love :)

Barry Berkman

- lovely Barry does not pick up on your need to be touched at first

- but he does love to stare at you and he realizes soon that your demeaner changes a bit when you are touched by someone you trust

- so he decides to give it a go one afternoon

- you look a little stressed, the two of you are at a party for his acting class

- and he just, puts his arm around you and keeps speaking

- you lean into his side and he's surprised at how much he enjoys your touch

- Barry has always been timid about touch but found that touching you and your reaction to it helped him out a bit as well

- so he did it more often than you thought he would, lots of hand holding and inconspicuous brushing against each other

- it helps you both

Erik Lehnsherr

- Erik is even more timid than Barry

- but he is smoother

- he picks up on your desire to be held quite quickly

- and he didn't love public displays of what were weakness to him, but every once in a while he would do small gestures

- he would link your pinkies while someone is speaking, he would stand behind you so that his chest was flush with your back

- he decided it was closer to a sign of strength because of how much you trusted in each other (or had to trust in each other)

- and after he decided that it became easier for him

- and nicer for you

Hannibal Lecter

- Hannibal picks up on it instantly

- he is a good observer after all

- and he will very quickly adhere to anything that you desire

- he isn't quite the type of man to put his arm around you or anything so it's a little surprising when he puts out things like that

- even just holding your hand or keeping his palm firmly on your back

- he can read body language well so he knows when he is and isn't helping

- he is the most able to understand you out of the whole bunch here

- and he will do what he can silently, making sure you are always in a comfortable position

Will Graham

- him too <3

- it works out because touch really helps the both of you a lot

- he is timid about it at the beginning of your relationship but it eases soon after that when he realizes that knowing you're there helps him more than anything

- he would keep his arms around you forever if he could

- lots of hand holding, lots of ignoring Jack and whispering in each others ears about stupid stuff

- it helps

- his favorite thing to do though is trace things into your back

- just silly things, hearts, little I love you's, stars

- but it's distracting enough to help the both of you while also being inconspicuous

Lucifer

- he notices! he just doesn't care <3

- like for a long time he'll tease you with it and think that it's funny

- but then he notices that it might actually help you a bit and...fine he supposes

- but then he has to make a big show of it

- holding hands means he's swinging your arm around

- having an arm around you means he has to make you turn where ever he is turning

- it's never something subtle with him

- he doesn't know how to be subtle, he's the devil!

- so instead he just either makes you feel embarrassed or comforted, no in between

#Barry berkman x reader #Hannibal Lecter x reader #will graham x reader #spn Lucifer x reader #Erik lehnsherr x reader

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wannabegwenstacy · 3 years

Text

Eden's Favorite Fic's (BTS Fic Recs)

Updated Version: Here!

Note: In the past I haven't indulged in tumblr fics often but I recently (past 3 months) have been reading quite regularly & am planning on branching out a bit. To keep track of the ones that I have enjoyed & the ones that I have even came back to I'm making this list. Again, I haven't been digging into the tumblr fics world for long so for right now its a very short list. I'm hoping with time I can get more fics of different types on here (btsxbts, some gender neutral xreader ones, & more ones that I genuinely like)

About me to understand what's going to be on here:

Age: 21 (99' liner)

Sexuality: Bisexual

Pronouns: She/Her

Ult Bias: Yoongi

Trio: Rap Line

I am OT7. I do enjoy smut but don't think it is necessary to FF. Overall I just want a well-crafted plot that makes sense. I read for entertainment & to escape. But I still need some form of realism (just me personally) to follow the trail of events. PSA: I'm trying to find a broader scope of writers I like but for right now I don't have many. There are gonna be some repetitive writers for now.

______________________________________________________________

Kim Namjoon:

- Librarian Namjoon Universe by @jungshookz

Beauty & the Bookworm (I love this concept SO MUCH)

Pairing: Cute, Good Boy, Nerdy, University Librarian Namjoon x Bratty, Semi-Popular, Procrastinator, University Student Reader

Word count: 20.8k

Summary: You're a procrastinator big time and you may or may not be failing. To get some extra credit you begrudgingly take the library assistant opening where you work under strict dorky Namjoon. Passive aggressiveness, cuteness, fluff, & some smuttiness arises.

Jealous-Boyfriend-Librarian Namjoon (Drabble)

Pairing: Jealous Boyfriend Librarian Namjoon x Oblivious Cute Girlfriend Uni Student Reader

Word count: 3.4k

Summary: You take an Art History Course and end up needing a tutor. Joon offers to tutor you but he doesn't know shit about Art History so you end up getting tutored by an ArtHoe Taehyung that may or may not like you but you are oblivious to this and Joon gets super jealous.

Kim Seokjin:

- Hockey Player Jin by @ve1vetyoongi

HEART OF GOLD (BLADES OF ICE)

Pairing: Sweet Hot New Hockey Player in Town Jin x Ex-Figure Skater (who has a history with jin) Reader

Word count: 20k

Summary: After a fall during figure skating practice dashes your dreams of competing at nationals, you vow to hang up your skates for good. That is until you cross paths with Kim Seokjin, captain of the ice hockey team, who is determined to get you back out on the rink and melt the ice in your heart. (Jimin is a bully in this and their other k-pop idols as characters. Very Very Fluffy and Hallmark Christmas Movie-ish so be aware of that. Overall, it's just cute :) )

Min Yoongi:

Note: these are all but one by the same writer @jungshookz & are written from the pov of a female reader. I'm gonna try to find some gender-neutral fics but for now, if you are female-identifying I really enjoyed these! :)

- Mechanic Yoongi Universe by @jungshookz

Baby, You Can Drive My Car (My favorite AU Fics I've read so far on Tumblr!!)

Pairing: Tatted, Mic Drop Era, Mechanic Min Yoongi x Spoiled Rich, Inexperienced, University Student Reader

Word count: 24.6k

Summary: Welcome to Min Mechanics - What can I do for you today, doll?

Maybe She Can Drive His Car

Pairing: Oblivious, Hot, Boyfriend, Mechanic Min Yoongi x Adorable, Spoiled, University Student, Jealous Girlfriend Reader

Word count: 11.6k

Summary: Yoongi's ex is back in town for a visit and you would be lying if you said you weren't slightly envious of a) how knowledgeable she is about stupid cars and b) how well she gets along with literally everyone.

- Uni Yoongi x Nerdy Reader (mini series) by @jungshookz

Note: these are all drabbles I'm gonna link my favorites in the series. I'll probably add more later.

Cocky Uni Student Yoongi x Nerdy Reader:

^^This is the start of the mini-series, recommend you read it first!^^

The One with the Scrunchie:

Contains: smut, a super cute scrunchie turning into a kink of sorts, slightly insecure Yoongi, experienced Yoongi, slightly inexperienced reader, shy about their own body reader.

Yoongi always had an Overactive Imagination:

Contains: talking about sex, implied smut, reader trying to be productive while also being horny, Yoongi being super distracted and horny.

"I'm gonna need you to shut up now please"

- CEO Yoongi Universe by @jungshookz

Suit&Tie (First Fic in the series)

Pairing: CEO Min Yoongi x Secretary Reader

Wordcount: 21k+

Summary: Young Intimidating Hot CEO Yoongi, Clumsy Secretary Y/N who loves Sugar, Best Friend Jimin. Funny Awkward Meeting that sets up the whole plot, was like reading a Kdrama in book form.

The One Where Augst D makes a Comeback (Favorite Fic in the series)

SPOILERS READ PRIOR DRABBLES TO CATCH UP!! (I recommend The First Date, The One Where Yoongi is Just a Little Jealous, The Proposal, The Wedding, Baby Makes Three, Baby Min's Timeline, The Birth of Baby Min, Daddy's Little Girl, Who the Hell is Augst D.

Pairing: CEO Min Yoongi x Secretary Reader

Word count: 6.5k

Summary: Yoongi finds out you faked an orgasm and he's going to gi-give it to you more ways than one.

- Demon Yoongi by @jungshookz

Hellish (I got some feelings for incubus Yoongi not gonna lie)

Pairing: Bratty, Super Sexy, Sex Demon, Mint Min Yoongi x University Student, Non-Supernatural Believer Reader

Word count: 22.1k

Summary: Jungkook is your clueless, energetic best friend. Wonho is a character in this fic, You are dragged into summoning a demon one night by your overly excited to be summoning a demon? best friend Jungkook. Spooky but Kind of Sexy Shit Happens! (This is probably my second favorite Yoongi Fic I've read!)

- Basketball Captain Yoongi by @jungshookz

Basketball Captain Yoongi

Pairing: Cocky, Popular, Charming Captain of the Basketball Team Min Yoongi x Water girl University Student Reader (who has been crushing on Yoongi hard for some time)

Word count: 18.4k

Summary: Jungkook is your athletic bro of a best friend that signs you up to be his replacement as the water boy (girl in this case) after he makes the team. You have had a pathetic schoolgirl crush on Yoongi for a while and is basically the only reason you agreed to be the water girl aside from spending time with Jungkook. It's fluffy & smutty!

- Android Yoongi @jungshookz

Technologically in love (..I cried! but I also smiled a lot so you know this is well written)

Pairing: Personal Assistant Prototype but SUPER Lifelike Android Min Yoongi x Messy, Junkfood, & Cartoons Loving Reader (basically your early 20s living alone kind of vibe)

Word count: 24k+

Summary: You live in a Detroit Becoming Human type universe but prior to a lot of the advancements. Androids are already a thing but not to the level the M1N Y00NG1 is yet. You are best friends with all the boys and they happen to be engineers which is how you ended up with Yoongi in the first place. Namjoon created Yoongi as a personal assistant prototype android & you are told to live with him. Things get fluffy, SUPER ANGSTY, and super smutty!

- Listen Closely by @avveh

Listen Closely ( sexiest Yoongi fic I have read so far, I kept wanting to go back and read again)

Pairing: Tsundere Office Worker Min Yoongi x Hardworking Office Worker Reader

Word count: 12.2k

Summary: Unintentionally, you stumble upon something that makes you view your coworker Min Yoongi in a whole new light. (SMUT 18+: Masturbation, voyeurism, exhibitionism, breathplay, spanking, degrading names.)

Jung Hoseok:

- Secret Boyfriend Hoseok by @kpopfanfictrash

Keeping a Secret (this took me places...Idk about you but I have trouble finding really good Hoseok fics and this one was perfect. One of my favorite fics on this website)

Pairing: New Relationship Dom Hoseok x New Relationship Tease Reader

Word count: 3.7k

Summary: You and Hoseok have been hooking up for a few weeks now. No one in your friend group knows. What happens then, when he shows up at movie night looking better than anticipated? SMUT!

- Studio Sex Hoseok by @joonbird

Studio:

Pairing: Boyfriend BTS Hoseok x Girlfriend Reader

Word Count: 5k

Summary: Hoseok is stressed about his upcoming mixtape, so you decide to swing by his studio and help him relax. (Hobi being the beautiful glorious sexy man he is and putting those ungodly hips to use!)

Park Jimin:

- Jimin and His Pregnancy Kink by @boymeetsweevil

ME, YOU, AND THIS THING WE HAVE BETWEEN US (NSFW)

Pairing: Sweet Caring Domestic but Horny Jimin x Pregnant Hormonal Reader

Word count:~3.7k

Warnings (aka what to prepare for): everything is graphic and gross lmao, blowjobs (face f*cking), boob job (not the one w/ silicon inserts), cunnilingus, dom!jimin if u squint, cumplay if u squint again, dirty talk/degrading language, penetrative sex (doggy style), unprotected sex, PREGNANCY KINK that’s a big one

Summary: You’re pregnant and Jimin is…happy about it (If I remember correctly this one is 25% cute domestic Jimin trying to calm his hormonal pregnant partner and 75% pure filth aka Jimin having a pregnancy kink and trying to hide it but not well at all. This is however my ultimate fav Jimin smut I have ever read!)

- Crush/Neighbor Jimin by @sketchguk

Lover to Lean On: (I absolutely adore this fic. Overall it's just really well written and I felt like I was watching a show in my head rather than reading a short Tumblr fic. Highly recommend it!)

Pairing: Cute Customer & Neighbor Jimin x Florist Reader

Word Count: 19.9k

Summary: For months, you can hear your no-face neighbor and his ‘girlfriend’ singing and dancing and laughing and falling in love. Above all, you can hear their bed banging against your shared wall, and they won’t ever let you sleep. You’d much rather stay up at night worrying about your own problems, like the weight of an unrequited crush, so of course, you’re bitterly single. But one day, the apartment is radio silent. And one day slowly turns into one week and then into an immeasurable amount of time since you’ve heard his laugh. So on Valentine’s Day, when you’re missing it the most, you beg your neighbor to open up to you with cookies in one hand and two broken hearts in the other.

Kim Taehyung:

-Roommate Taehyung Universe by @jungshookz

Stuck with You

Pairing: Frat Bro bit of an asshole Roommate Kim Taehyung x Clean Organized bit of a Pushover Reader

Word count: 37k

Summary: Kim Taehyung becoming your new roommate is definitely up there on the list of the worst things to ever happen to you. Librarian Namjoon is your Best friend and ex-roommate. Frat bro Jeon Jungkook makes an appearance. There is so smut and implied smut.

The One with the One Year Anniversary (Drabble)

Pairing: The cutest domestic boyfriend Kim Taehyung x girlfriend reader

Word count: 4.6k

Summary: NO SPOILERS! so I'm going to give you a quote: "well, um, look! I made breakfast for you. f-for us!" Also, SFW

Jeon Jungkook:

- Gamer Jungkook by @softyoongiionly

PRESS START (this is the cutest fucking smut type fic I have ever read! it is so pure and is the exact type of relationship I want! IT MADE ME SIMP SO HARD!) gender-neutral I believe!

Pairing: Night owl Gamer Domestic Boyfriend Jeon Jungkook x Witty Domestic Cutesy Relationship Reader

Word count: 5.5k

Summary: A night in with your boyfriend Jungkook includes all kinds of things: anime, witty banter, snacks from 7-Eleven and, you know, sex. (GREAT READ!! I AM A SIMP FOR THIS FIC!!)

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mcnamedsix · 3 years

Note

Hello Six, I saw your post about writing for OM so I hope you don't mind me dropping in ;v; could I get the brothers reacting to am MC who has decided to cut off their hair? I've been going through a gender identity crisis and it made me feel better to chop off most of my hair and I was wondering if they would still like me or not :')

hii! as someone who did that, a personal note: hair grows, and if you don't like it short it can grow back! you should definitely go for it! now, to the headcanons!

Demon Brothers seeing MC chopping off their hair

Lucifer:

At first, he only sees the hair chopped and thinks it's a practical thing.

After all, shorter hair is easier to maintain, easier to wash, to dry, to keep it neat.

So he of course tells you you look wonderful and moves on. He likes how it looks, you seem happy, it's none of your business.

If you tell him you cut it off for gender confusion reasons, he will be more attentive.

He will make sure to stop gendered language with you altogether, unless you specifically want him to use a certain gender as your preferred.

He will teach you how to style your hair, specially if you want it to look more masculine. He has a soft spot for more elegant and formal styles.

If you do end up coming out as transmasc or nonbinary, he will be taking you to buy new clothes, and he will definitely help if you want to medically transition.

Overall, this man is the Avatar of Pride in every way possible. He wants you to feel good about yourself, to love yourself fully, and he will do whatever you need to hell you reach that point.

Mammon:

This boy is head over heels about you. If let your hair grow to your feet, or shave it, or chop it, or even have a monk haircut, he will love it because of how much he loves you.

It will be like pulling teeth to get him to admit it, tho. He will look at you and go "ya liked my hair so much you decided to copy it, huh, MC?"

If he notices you're hesitant about it, he will hype you up, however. He also wants you to feel your best.

If you asked for his help he will be over the moon, but he will destroy your hair. Keep him away from scissors.

The moment he finds out it's gender questioning, he will be all over you, asking about names and pronouns, all things you might wanna try it out.

He wants to take you out to get new clothes, binders, pride merch, all he can. It's part wanting to spend some money and part wanting to support you.

In the end of the day, he just wants you to feel happy and whole. He is your first guy, he will always want your best.

Plus, your new hair is very stimmy. He cannot stop petting it!

Leviathan:

He knows exactly what's going on from the moment you show your hair. He wants so badly to tell you he understands, that he feels the same, that he has questioned himself and his identities many times.

But he is the most awkward person alive, it comes out as "a normie haircut for a normie" and he wants to dig a hole and stick his head on the ground.

Once he takes his foot off his mouth, however, he is your biggest hypeman.

He will find every videogame and anime character that is trans, every gender non conforming, even characters that questions their gender.

He will try any pronoun or name you want, and he will suggest names he thinks you might like.

He tends to shove his nose in your hair when you're cuddling him, so having it shorter makes this easier for him.

He ends up doing a lot of research on the internet so he goes from mildly confused to expert in two days.

Overall, he's trying his best, and he will do anything he can, even if he's very awkward in the beginning.

Satan:

He loves your new hair! He will tell you outright, and he will be excited for your new look. He isn't particularly loud about it, but he will be honest about how much he likes it.

If you tell him you chopped it off for gender issues, he will be sympathetic to you.

This man has questioned every little bit of his identity, as he feels like he is lesser as a subset of Lucifer. He has definitely questioned his gender, therefore, he's been there.

He will be quoting Simone de Beauvoir to you: "you aren't born a woman, you become one." He will specially stress how this turns on any gender, how socialization plays a big part on how you are gendered, and he will ramble on and on about how gender works if you let him.

Surprise. He's well versed in gender theory. He has read every book about LGBT experiences he could get his hands on.

He's another one who's trying out pronouns, names, clothing, terms with you. He is excited you trust him in this journey.

Overall he treats gender and sexuality as fluid and natural, and you will never find him confused when talking about gender and sexuality issues. He's got your back.

Asmodeus:

He is immediately squealing about your hair! Oh, you look soo adorable. You look so nice with this cute hair... He wants to style it in so many ways.

Oh, you are having gender issues? Asmo will hear you out. You will be sitting there, with a face mask while he does mani and pedi for you, and you will pour your heart out for him.

At some point, you might notice he is quiet, even if he hasn't stopped treating you right. You ask if he's okay, and...

"You can do that??"

Congratulations, you gave Asmo a lot to think about.

He isn't the most confirming man, as he is a man in the sense of that was was given to him. Giving him options will get him to actually question it.

You two will probably go through it together, trying out new things, and turns out, Asmo is nonbinary! None gender with left boy, apparently.

No matter where you end up in the gender spectrum, he will always support you as he loves you for who you are.

He will also be incredibly thankful to you helping him out with that! He will spoil you endlessly for helping him figure out a bit more about himself.

Beelzebub:

He didn't notice the hair first. He noticed how happier you looked, and that made him smile too. Then you showed off your hair.

He fell in love with you again.

He thinks it looks so sweet on you, he just wants to pet you and he is all awwing, then you tell him about why you cut your hair.

He feels really bad about the idea you'd feel so confused and anguished. He decides then and there he will help you get it over as quickly as you can.

He will be trying out names and pronouns, get you new clothes, getting you aids like binders, he will be doing research, everything he can.

You will have to tell him this takes some time and he can't rush it.

He takes you to work out with him to see if that takes your mind off things, will get you delicious food. Everything to comfort you.

Once you get to an understanding, he will be cheering with you. Your happiness is his prime objective, even if he can't quite understand how you're feeling.

Belphegor:

He is ecstatic about your haircut.

When you cuddle him, if you are the small spoon, your hair is usually got into his nose, so a short hair is way better for that.

If you tell him why you cut your hair, he will have a moment of confusion, then launch on questions.

He wants to know how you think so he can help you out on figuring it out.

Reading can be exhausting to him, so he ends up watching a lot of deviltube videos about transgender people, but will always put your experiences first.

He pretends like he doesn't care, but he would do anything to make you happy. Therefore he's always looking for ways to make you more comfortable about yourself.

Whenever you end up on the spectrum, he will not mind. You're his companion, so he just wants you to be with him, at your happiest and more comfortable.

#obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #lucifer x mc #mammon x mc #leviathan x mc #satan x mc #asmodeus x mc #beelzebub x mc #belphegor x mc #six writes

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amindofstone · 3 years

Text

Match up, No. 9

@starlightbydaybright hat gefragt:

Hello! Saw you were taking match-ups and I was wondering if I could request one. Only done one before for another fandom, and I was wondering who I’d align with for One Piece ^^

I'm an INFP and generally an introvert, finding it difficult to express myself when I'm around people I'm unfamiliar with or just not close to. I can be both quiet and shy; quiet when I have no interest in making good impression on that person (a stranger I'll see once and never again) and shy when I'm genuinely trying to make myself acceptable to them. But, I do trust easily, so it's not hard to get close enough with me that I'll open up about almost everything, so long as they understand have my boundaries (that'll shift depending on how close). I'm also very affectionate with people I'm close with, particularly through physical touch, since I've been pretty touch starved. If you're close friends with me, you can find me constantly looking for a hug, but I can respect boundaries since not everyone enjoys contact.

The situation would be a bit different romance wise, since I’d revert a bit back to my introverted side, but also very affection-seeking at the same time. I say affection seeking as in I’d crave time and activities spent together with them, but I’d be afraid to ask/initiate, at least during the early beginnings of the relationship. I’d be constantly seeking affirmation of their love, and since I’ve never been in a relationship before (but desperately wanted one), they’d be constantly receiving my love too ❤️

While being an introvert in reality, I find it much easier to speak with confidence online. as I actually have time to contemplate what I can say. It's when I'm either with close friends or on the internet, that I can go on passionate endless rants or show my passive aggressive side. I'm usually pacifist, but if something irks me enough, I can and will pitch in snide/sarcastic remark or two, or if it's more serious; I will write out whole sophisticated and well worded paragraph that'd sound all polite with a hidden snarky tone.

I'm pretty much a hopeless romantic, so there's lot of couple things I want to try when I find someone. Back hugs, bridal carry, tickle fights, you name it. While I do enjoy these displays of affection (comes with the happy kind of embarrassment aka. I feel embarrassed that others sees it but I’m happy because I know they’re not doing it out of maliciousness and because they truly love me), small gestures are appreciated too; a gentle squeeze of the hand, a passing smile, etc.

As for hobbies, I enjoy reading, writing, (occasionally) drawing, but most of all; probably singing. I enjoy a wide variety of songs, depending on what mood I'm in, but I particularly like songs about love. Looking for someone to sing the duet love songs with me, doesn't matter how good or bad they are at singing. They can be tone deaf for all I care, it's the thought that matters 😊

I'm very emotionally sensitive, and can both laugh and cry easily. A random stranger online wished me good day? I'll be in good mood for awhile. Watched a 'mildly' sad movie? (Extra emphasis on mildly) I better have new box of tissue on the side just in case. It'd be nice to have someone that can either comfort me or at least tolerate my emotions, so I wouldn't be irking them 😞

I don't really have a type when looking for significant other but being an INFP does make the romance thing complicated. It'd be nice to have someone that's far along on the extroverted side (just not happy go lucky and can be serious) since, despite being introverted, I like to experience new things. I'm just too afraid to try alone and prefer it if someone else recommends it first. Someone to prompt me and nudge me to do something, but won’t take it too far if I really looked uncomfortable. (I’m also a procrastinator so they gotta find out the right ratio between pushing vs. taking it too far 😅) In relationship, I'd value trust and loyalty the most, since both are important in keeping the healthy relationship. If both sides could equally trust and be trusted, then there wouldn't be place for insecurity or fear. This ties in with another part of me being an INFP; I want a relationship that lasts forever. While it's weird to decide how long lasting the love will be early in the relationship, I don't think I can fully commit myself to someone, knowing that it'll end (through the other side falling out of love with me, finding interest in someone else, etc.) (natural causes like death are fine, even though I will still be sad 🥲)

As for appearance, I’m a 5”4 female with slightly wavy black hair that reach nearly to my waist. I don’t think I’m particularly short, but then again, every anime character seems to be straight up giants XD (Man, I was born with the wrong genes) I’m overall very plain, with black hair, brown eyes, but I’ve always been told I had pretty long eyelashes and big bright eyes. Average weight for my height, and flat chested :’)

As for the preference for gender, I’m mainly attracted to guys. I had some (very few) crushes on a small selection of female anime characters, but that were very rare, like 3, compared to my (insert large number) male crushes

Thank you in advance and sorry for how long this is 😔

P.s. I feel like I need to emphasize I’m still an introvert, since the personality I described is only limited to my very small friend group

a/n:

Hey there? How are you doing? Thank you so much for requesting. First off I should be apologizing for making you wait so long. I hope you´re not mad at me but lately there is a lot happening in my life. In my private life but also in my college life. But let´s put that aside and get to your request.

I have to thank you for the detailed info about you because that helped me to choose a match up for you so much. Like I instantly could think of someone. Not only did it help me to match you up with someone but also to come up with a plot. So I came up with this little imagine/hedcanon… I really don´t know what to call my work for the imaginies so I go with work. XD Anyways I really don´t know what to do at this point. Your request and your personality gave me such a good idea for a plot that I tried my best to keep it short because I decided to turn this request and my ideas and thoughts that are flying around in my mind to an actual FANFICTION! AHHHHHHHH. I can´t stop thinking about it. The idea sounds so damn good in my head that it makes me smile like an idiot right now! Uff I can´t wait to find time writing it down. AHAHH, but I fear that I already gave aways so much with this!!!! *pouts Doesn´t matter I´ll do it anyways. AHHHHHHHHHHH Thank you so damn much for requesting!

Anyways! Back to my work now. If there is anything that bothers you or you simply hate please make sure to tell me so I can change it and give you whatever you´d like. Other than that happy reading my dear!

Match up rules can be found HERE.

Warning(s): Maybe grammatical or spelling mistakes since English is my third language and I´m still improving in every aspect (Please have mercy on that.)

!!! Please do not steal my idea or work. Credit me if this is shared or published in any other platform or any other way. Please respect me as the writer and my work. Picture is not mine. Credits to: I sadly don't know. Please tell me of you know so I can give credits. Thank you in advance. !!!

· I decided to pair you up with KILLER

· Like am I the only person that thinks that he is not getting the screen time and appreciation he deserves? Because that is the damn case! ODA GIVE THIS MAN THE LOVE AND APPRECIATION HE DESERVES. And while we´re at it I wouldn´t mind if I would get a bit more of Eustass Kid too… Thank you in advance. <3

· But that’s not the point. Please dear requesting beautiful human being give this man and me, your hopelessly dreamy author a chance. Thank you, I really appreciate. <3

· aNyWaYssssS.

· “y/n? Are you still awake?”, asked the blond man softly. “No worries I won´t make you carry me to bed again.”, you said with a giggle. You couldn´t see his face but you knew that he was smiling. “I don´t mind that you know? I like having you close to me without having to fear to see you hid under the blanket for who knows how long.”, you rolled you eyes and hit his arms. “That only happened because that idiot captain of yours annoyed the hell out of me. That was embarrassing Killer.”, you slowly put one leg over the railing and then the next one. Making sure you don´t fall down the ship. “What happened? Didn´t you drag me out our cabin to watch the stars?”, asked the muscular man who held you close to him while making sure you didn´t fell. “I did but now I´d like to look at something different. Something even more beautiful. Something that gives me warmth and happiness. Something that keeps me alive and always makes sure I am doing fine.”, talking to the blond pirate while sitting at the railing was one of the rare moments you were close to an eye level with him. “You mean my mask?”, asked the man with a tiled head that got you to roll your eyes and hit his chest. “Great you destroyed the sweet moment. I hate you. Make a step back so I can get down. I want to go back to bed and drown in regret of dating you.”, you tried to push him away but he was obviously stronger and threw you over his shoulder. “Of course you hate me. That was also the exact same thing you were moaning a while ago. Let´s go back to bed nerd.”

· As sweet and loving your relationship was now with the pirate it also started like that. Wanna know how? Alright let me get comfortable in my bed and get started. Story TIIMMMEEEE!!!

· An island well known for their universities and scientist. An island full of top ranked doctors.

· Physics, chemistry, biology, astrology was well thaught in the schools of the island. An island well known around the world. An island ruled by a powerful devil fruit user.

· An island in which every civilian had a talent in another field. And you? You sadly had an impressive talent for languages.

· Why sadly you wonder? Well the amount of times you had to run for your dear life because some pirates could come and kidnap you and make you read the poneglyphs is immense.

· Once even the infamous Red haired Shanks came and asked you with the hope to have someone who could read them. But sadly you couldn´t. You told him that you were done with pirates coming for you or your best friends. You regretted learning all of that and hated yourself for that. Shanks and Beckman to whom your were talking to really felt bad for you and claimed the island as their territory after they had a chat with ruler and made a deal.

· That was that saved you and your friends for years and made you happy. You were thankful to the red hair pirates and always treated them with meals and drinks when they came visiting the island. You were happy for 5 years. 5 years until these stupid reckless pirates came.

· And now? Now you hated yourself all over again

· You knew that not every pirate was like the red hair pirates. Nice and respectful. They didn´t kill innocent people and destroyed civilizations only to get some gold and diamonds. But these? These were horrible. Cold and cruel.

· “Someone make this btch talk otherwise I´ll do it by cutting her into pieces only stropping when IT actually starts to answer my god damn questions!”, screamed a tall and guy with red hair.

· You were scared. Tied on a mast on their ship, you feared for your life. Screaming for help was not an option since you were already on the sea since a while now.

· The man that was yelling at you none stop was now holding a blond man with a mask at his collar and growling at him. The man might have a mask on but you somehow had the feeling that he was talking to the man with the red fur coat. “Clear the deck! NOW!!”; yelled the man before he left inside the ship. Slowly every man on deck was leaving you alone. You wanted to ask them were or why the left but you knew that they wouldn´t give you an answer. You were a prisoner. A captive. A pathetic human they took on board. With the last pirate leaving you behind, a door that was located behind the mast you were tied on closed while the need to cry grew inside of you. How long am I here by now? One hour? Two or three? Was anyone missing me back at home? Were they already looking for me? Thoughts that occupied your mind were blurring your vision. You were looking right in front of you but also not. Your eyes were wide open but your vision was back at home. Home were you belonged.

· “Hey. Hey can you hear me? Hey you alright, woman? Hello?”, a man was squatting in front of you and waving with his hands in front of your face. You were deeply lost in your thoughts that you neither heard him coming nor saw him sitting right in front of you.

· But the moment he touched you tight you screamed and got back to reality. “Please don´t touch me. Please don´t hurt me. Please I beg you. Please.”, fear was written all over your face. You saw yourself death with a huge puddle of your blood. “Alright I won´t touch you. It´s just that I´ve been sitting in front of you for 5 minutes now and the only thing you did was breath and say no. Anyways here is something to drink. You´ve been her for four hours now. Half of the time unconscious and the other one either basically mute or in a trance.”, the guy in front of you was the same one who got the mad man to leave and clear the deck. It made you wonder who he was that he had such a power but you didn´t dare to ask. “Here I hold it for you and you drink.”, the glass was put on your lips and you drank. You didn´t knew how thirsty you were until your lungs were wetted by the water. Finished drinking he put a blanket over your legs since the position your were in didn´t allow you to cover yourself properly. And the fact that you were wearing a dress wasn´t helping at all.

· “Alright. You had something to drink I got you a blanket now tell me are you able to talk to me and answer my questions?”, you nodded. “Good. Now listen to me. There is this language that is called Krisanasy. As far as I know there is a tiny amount of people who are able to speak that and you are one of these. Am I right?”, you nodded. “How well are you in it?”, you gulped and looked at the man with the mask “I know the most important basics. I remember basic grammar rules and a good amount of vocabulary but I´m not that good in it. I didn´t worked with anything that included this language since years now.”, the masked man nodded and fully sat down now. “Would you be able to get back in it if you had some books and scripts to work with?”, slowly you understood where this was supposed to lead. You knew that if you said yes they would keep you as their prisoner and make your work for them. And if they had everything they would kill you because there would be no more use for you. But if you said no now and refused to talk to him he would probably also kill you. You were in a dilemma. You didn´t wanted to die but also didn´t wanted to die after you helped them. They were criminals. Feared and hated by the government and any human around the world. You looked down on your lap and let your head fall forward so your long black hair covered your face. “Hey I asked you something. Would you be able to do that?”, his voice was deep and rough but in the same time soft and gentle. That irritated you. it make you realize that him being nice to you now was just a way to get under your skin and make you do whatever they wanted. And then they simply would kill you in the most brutal and cruel way. “Hey, woman. Are you listening?”, you felt helpless. “I don´t want to die. Please let me go. Please. I beg you. Please.”, tears were streaming down you cheeks you couldn´t hold back anymore. He came closer and lifted you face. “Listen here you are a smart woman. Stop crying for fcks sake. If I would be you I would have made these pirates work for me. Use your damn brain and stop crying. Do you really think anyone in here would kill you? Heck no! They need your help. They need your brain because all of them are basically stupid. Like damn I need you to answer all of my questions before my captain with anger issues comes and beats the sht out of me. Now answer me woman. Are you able to get back in it if we got you some scripts to work on?”, you nodded while more tears streamed down you cheeks. You felt pathetic. You felt worthless and used. Helping them would turn you into a criminal too and ruin everything you worked on. Everything the emperor did for you and the island would be wasted. “See wasn’t that hard to answer.”

· The questioning went on for a while you didn´t know for how long but you knew that a long time passed since the sun stared to set. “Alright. Now I give you two options. One, stay here. Tied up on the mast no matter what kind of weather we face. Two you swear to obey me no matter what kind of order I give you and you will be able to sleep on a bed. You will get food and tomorrow you will start working on the scripts we give you. You choose.”, with your head hung lowly you said number two and instantly got released from the chains and handcuffs. He helped you stand up and covered you in the blanket before he led you into his cabin. “Wait here. Sit there and don´t do anything stupid as long as I´m not here. If you do anything stupid I won´t be able to help you. Got it?”, he didn´t even wait until you answered or gave any reaction he simply left and closed the door after him. So you waited while sitting with a lowly hung head. Minutes passed and he came back. “Your clothes are dirty. The bathroom is empty so you can take a bath or shower. Anything you want but I´ll be in the room with you. Because of one I have to make sure no one is coming in and secondly to watch over you and make sure you don´t do anything stupid. Got it. Fine. Take this towel and these clothes. We don´t have any female crewmates so you have to be wearing with my clothes until we dock on another island and you get to buy clothes.”

· The man with the mask took care of you for the rest of the day. He took you to shower and gave you fresh clothes. You had dinner with him alone in the kitchen when no one was around and got back to sleep. And no matter what you did he made sure to keep a respectful distance towards you. Whenever he had to come closer or touch you to take care of your wounds he would warn you. The day kept going like that. Nothing else was said about the following days and the thing they wanted you for. Only necessary things were said that were needed at the moment. And you only gave short replays or only answered with a head movement.

· Slowly the day passed by and the night took over with the moon putting the world alight. You were back in his cabin with him sitting on an armchair and you lying in bed sleeping with one hand tied up on the bed.

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robin-the-enby · 3 years

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Hey! I love your matchups and I really want one with on the black butler characters.

I am ISTJ and even though I was born in America I come from a Mexican family. So I am fluent in Spanish and English. Along side of Mandarin Chinese (still learning) and Japanese (still learning)

Appearance wise, I have olive skin, long wavy/curly hair that reaches my tailbone (i like putting it in side braid). I also have long bangs that quite often fall over my glasses. And just too lazy to move them. I also have dimples when I smile. I will bite anyone who try poke them.

Personality: I can get hard to know at first because I have trust issues (my heart has been broken okay) . Not too mention people don't try to get know me because of my major Resting Bitch Face. They think I am judging them or that I am scary. But I am not... I am attentive so I will stand up for myself and anyones else. I am patient. Also, after you get to know me you will realize I am a chaotic crackhead with a melodramatic persona. Like "your star is here!" "The stage is calling for me. Move out of my way" "the spotlight is on me so could you move you crusty face?" I like to tease and flirt with the people I am close to. I zone out or daydream a lot. And in the worst times. It could be a serious meeting and I am chuckling because of something in my head. Which have scared people. It could be during a conversation and I will stop listening. But I will always feel bad and apologize.

I also like to scare people. Like tell them the unsolved cases or horrific cases that I know (I love unsolved cases) . This is also why my little siblings hate me. Turns out talking kids murder cases and disapperinv cases was not appropriate for bed time story... woops.....

I like to pop out of nowhere and either flick or playfully punch my friends and say boo. I do accidentally roast people. I don't think before I say things. And don't realize until hours or days later. And I am like "shit"

I am sarcastic and that has gotten me in trouble before. My friend asked for my advice and I didn't know she was being serious. So I gave her a sarcastic advice and she came back to me mad. I was like "shit you believed me?"

Likes/hobbies: i like my anatomy class and I like to read, write, meditate (because I get stressed a lot). I really like to dance and listen to music. Which my music taste is everywhere: Kpop, classical music, jazz, jpop, Spanish songs, rock, metal. Every music genre except for country. I like to play the violin.

My passion lies in the arts and crafts. I would like to do illustration and photography. More specifically street fashion photography and and event photography. Like weddings and funerals. Yes funeral photography does exist and I will like to do it. Since it is also special event. I draw a lot of portraits and landscapes. I have been told that my art is either scary or mysterious. Though I can get a little caught up with my passion. I practice to get better with no rest.

Flaws/toxic traits: I am not empathetic or sympathetic. People always thought I didn't care about my friend's issues. I do i just don't understand them. My compassion does make up for this and will give advice. My other flaw, is the high walls I build to protect myself. I am there for other people. But people were never there for me. People have manupliated me and that cause me trust issues. I don't know how to handle negative emotions like depression, anxiety, self doubt, procrastination. So I just isolate myself in these moods. They really take a toll on me and make me think I can't do my passions. I am afraid of commitment because of toxic relationships i had before.

Love language: I am not obvious with affection. (Because no one ever gave me it). I show it through my teasing and flirting. My love language is however Act of Service. I will help my s/o with anything they need. Chores, work, advice, etc. Sort of the mom of my friend group. But a Savage mom as I have been told. "Stop crying, here I made you a cookie" "do I need to hurt someone" "don't worry I can get coffin with a lock in it". I am also an aggressive supporter. Like "No YOU are beautiful. YOU are gorgeous!" (This happened when someone gives me affection and time try to turn the attention to them as way to hide my fluster)

I will call my s/o like "stupid" "idiot" but in a endearing way. Okay. Occasionally I will use "beloved" and "Cariño/cariña"

I am not good receiving verbal affection or physical affection. I was never given affection so I am not used to it. I will start blushing and stop working. I will also probably say "idiot" or turn the attention to them like "no.. u" but I think fails because I am terrible at hiding my blush. I get easily flustered with affection okay. But I won't ever admit that I like it. Though it is obvious.

Sexuality: i am bisexual so it doesn't matter what gender I am paired up with.

Funt fact i guess?: I love small plants, plushies, and banana milk. Like I have hundreds of different kinds of plants and they each have their own name. Like GGmo, Lily, Melody, Edward. I love Banana milk as I said. I drink it every evening. It always get me happy so when I am sad or had a bad day. I drink banana milk and I am happy. It is also to make up for my coffee addiction. I am addicted to coffee. My friends said no coffee and I was like fine banana milk then :)

This is getting long now... bye.

I'm glad that you like my matchups, I'm trying my best tbh😅 I match you with:

Sebastian Michaelis

Sebastian is very curious in nature, so he definitely wants to know what you're really like, not the front you put on.

He's also very charming when he wants to, he makes it very easy to open up to him and get comfortable around him.

Sure, he, as a demon, doesn't really care much for humans, so when he doesn't have to play the polite, kind butler, he probably has a RBF as well, however, I think that changes when he's interacting with someone he loves.

His sweet words may have been a mask at first, so he could see the real you, but the closer you two become, the more he means every word of praise, encouragment or comfort he utters.

He would most certainly be amused by your crackhead self once you do get comfortable around him, but it's not really his vibe. He wouldn't scold you for being loud, brash or inapropriate, like he does the other servants.

If he's in a really good mood or when the situation calls for it, he can be dramatic as well. Sometimes he'd do it just to get on Ciel's nerves XD

One big pro of being with Sebastian is that he lets you off the hook a lot. If he was talking to anyone else and they'd space out, oh honey, he would stare them down so hard, it's sending chills down my spine just thinking about it. But if it's you it's like a complete 180, Sebastian can't possibly be mad at you, everyone spaces out sometimes, those things just happen.

The other servants make sure to be on your good side so that you could intercede with him on their behalf.

You can't scare him with your true crime stories, but you sure as hell can scare the others. And you can bet your ass Seb's gonna help! The plan is: You tell the story and then he's gonna pop up out of nowhere behind them, giving them mini heart attacks.

If you try to scare him though, you'll need to be on guard 24/7 until he gets you in return. And even if your on guard all the time, he finds a way to scare the life out of you.

Your humor is practically the same, I mean, Sebastian is great at off handed remarks/roasts and sarcastic comments that you have to look for to really see them. You two could be talking shit about anyone and everybody would be like "Oh yeah, normal conversation, yes"

Sebastian would love to dance with you. And trust me when I say this, he is good at any type of dance. If you two are ever at a ball, prepare your feet, because he's not gonna let go of you the whole night (unless his master is in danger of course).

He would be your #1 supporter, he'd go with you out to take photos, and if you asked him to look at some, he'd take a good long look at each and every one of them and describe in detail how he feels about them. Also would go to any art shows you'd host if it came to it.

When it comes to sympathy and empathy, Sebastian also has a hard time showing these feelings. He's been alive for far longer than any human on Earth and he's a demon. He's never had any of the problems humans have, so naturally he doesn't kniw what it feels like to have them. Plus, before you came into his life, he didn't care much for them either.

However, he's gonna be there for you whenever you need him, emotionally or practically, even though he doesn't get your feelings.

You both have walls put up, you because of bad past experiences, him because as a demon, he has major issues with being vulnerable in any way. And I'm not talking just emotionally here, but demons are almost undestroyable, yet they have very few weaknesses that they just need to hide away.

It's rare Sebastian has a problem, but even if he had, you wouldn't know, because he thinks you, as a human, wouldn't understand and so he won't burden your mind with it. However, he's very perceptive and so if your behaviour changes, be it due to anxiety or a depressive episode, he'll know.

Now, he's not the type of person to try and break down your walls by force, but in situstions like these, where he's not sure how to help, you gotta talk to him and he won't leave you alone until you tell him how he can help.

He's not above carrying you around and doing everything for you until you're embarassed enough to tell him

He is very appreciative of your help around, since the other servants are good at everything but what they're supposed to do.

You with your tough love and Sebastian with his teeth rotting compliments and affection, it'd be honestly really funny to watch. He adores how you show affection, because it's different from most people he's known. But on the other hand, you can't expect him not to spoil you afte all the hard work you do every day?

He would really shower you in love and affection, because you deserve it and because it makes you flustered XD

#black butler #kuroshitsuji #black butler matchups #matchups #requests open #black butler x reader #black butler x y/n #sebastian michaelis #sebastian michaelis x reader #sebastian michaelis x y/n

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normal-thoughts-official · 4 years

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Ok so some of your content implies immortal Alec and I was wondering how you thought it would happen? I've read a few things where Clary creates a rune/uses the alliance rune to make him immortal (but I don't think you're a real big fan of her) so I wanna hear your thoughts and also maybe Magnus's reaction

hoooooo boy i am GLAD YOU ASKED because i have a whole ass au that i have like. basically all the plot down but my stupid brain can’t turn into a fic so i guess im gonna shove it here and GOODBYE FOREVER

(also, about the clary thing: it’s complicated diaushduaih because i kind of really hate her in canon but i also accepted fanon clary into my life? mostly because i unfortunately can’t help but ship clizzy, but anyway, i kinda disassociate clary from canon. so i’m not really against the idea that she makes a rune or something, but i do think this idea is more interesting. or maybe it isn’t but then i guess that’s your personal problem because well, you did ask lol im jk btw)

okay so i have one word for you: seelies. hot diggity damn do i fucking love seelies or what

so you know how seelies are the offspring of demons and angels? and there’s this whole thing about demon blood and angel blood not mixing well at all? well, i was thinking, how the fuck does that work. and i came to the conclusion that whatever stronger parent they had’s blood would like, tame the other or whatever, you know? but then what if they had equally strong - or equally weak - parents? like a child of an archangel and a prince of hell, what the fuck happens then? or alternatively the child of some angel janitor and a minor demon, would they even have enough magic?

so i figured if that happens it’s like as if a seelie has an autoimmune disease - their body is fighting itself constantly. for those who have very strong parents, this means that they are decaying quickly, and usually won’t be able to like, survive for long if they don’t do something. for those who have weaker parents, it usually means they’re weak

so these seelies are actually born mortal, and for the ones with stronger parents, pretty much with a lifespan of like, a few days before they end up dying due to the autoimmunity. so what happens for those is, they have this Cool Ritual that makes them immortal and solves all their problems

basically what happens is: seelies are one with nature, correct? but they’re also, like, individuals. so they have their own magic, their own energy, their own life source. right? so what happens to these seelies is, they tie this life/magic source of theirs to that of the universe. they basically become one with the universe fully, instead of just guarding it and being connected to it, they are literally tied to it, so much so that their magic and the world’s magic is one and the same. basically their life is fed by the same source that feeds all life, even mortal ones, and that source is endless, so they become immortal. it’s not a cure per se, since it doesn’t really stop their blood from fighting itself, but it does solve the problem because it has endless energy to keep doing it. and after going through this magical ritual, they become basically the strongest seelies around, because they have access to very strong demonic and angelic magic and the like, natural source of the world. so that’s pretty cool

and this whole thing is like. absolutely top secret, no one but the seelies knows how it works or even that it exists. especially because the seelies used to be basically closed off to outside influences, besides the very few representants they had going to the realms (like meliorn)

meliorn is one of those super powerful seelies, a child of an archangel and a prince of hell, who has gone through this ritual. which is one of the many reasons they’re, you know, a super powerful and respected Seelie Knight, sent to deal directly with shadowhunters and the highest threats they have to deal with, all by themself. no one would be crazy to go against them, because they are extremely powerful. it’s also why they had, to seelie standarts, been given a slap to the wrist for taking clary to twi - i mean, they didn’t even lose their position in a super trusted and highly important job, really? like yes they were tortured and don’t get me wrong, that was fucking awful dude, but i feel like the seelie queen could have been a lot more cruel, could have taken away their job (it would make sense to since they basically committed treason by seelie law) or exiled them, or maybe even killed them. but they got “just” a physical punishment. that’s. weird to say the least

so that’s why, because meliorn actually has a lot of leverage and importance. they have a rare condition, a lot of power that most seelies can’t dream of, and they are extremely smart and have knowledge of the culture of our realm, which most seelies don’t since their realm is closed to outsiders. the seelies can’t afford to lose them. and they know that, too, which is why they went so hard to help clary and take her to twi in the first place - they knew that they would be punished, but that it wouldn’t actually risk their position, or their influence

anyway! with the previous seelie queen gone, i like to think that meliorn becomes the new seelie queen (random hc that no one asked for: since i refuse to believe that seelies have any concept of gender, i think the position is called “seelie queen” because outsiders took a look at the first seelie queen, who’s very cis female-presenting, and were like “ah, is that your queen?” and to seelies that basically translates to just “monarch” in whatever their language is, so they were just like yeah sure. and so the position is called that and they don’t even know that it’s supposed to be gendered and that to outsiders meliorn would probably be called seelie king, they are just like “i am the new seelie queen” and no one of course is going to fucking question why they didn’t gender the position, especially considering how fragile relations with the seelie realm are) or at least is given like, an important position or something. like tbh i don’t stan monarchy so :/ but anyway the point is, meliorn is super powerful, they are super smart, they have knowledge of the mundane, shadowhunter and etc cultures - and after the whole previous fiasco with the jonathan thing and the seelies having been basically kept from the other realms, despite the fact that as parts of nature, seelies should be able to wander between them as they please, i think they would want to start a radically new external policy, and who better than meliorn to help them do it? so yeah i think they would choose meliorn to be their queen. besides, they love the seelies more than anything. they might have disobeyed seelie law, but that was to like, save a whole ass realm lmao, but they’ve always had the seelies best interests at heart, hell, they were willing to be tortured twice for them. so i think they would be well liked, and want this new position, and treasure it not as a display of power, but as an opportunity to lead the people they love into better times

DISCLAIMER: i’m not saying that seelies bad or whatever, okay. tbh i do understand perfectly why they would want to close off their realm with the very real threat that shadowhunters presented, and i wouldn’t be dying to integrate with shadowhunter society either, especially considering that their idea of integration was just genocide and assimilation and the destruction of their culture. okay? but in the process, the seelie law and realm became cruel, first and foremost, towards seelies themselves, and the banishment of them from other realms is. very bad. and after the whole jonathan and valentine thing, the shadow society as a whole is being reconstructed, so what better time to try and create new alliances that won’t implicate into attempts of assimilation, etnocide and so on. it’s a new bet, basically, one that is only possible because shadowhunter society is also in shambles after the near destruction of the world, and this means that seelies have more leverage to try and build something new without yielding to them. and it’s a SLOW process, one that takes years and always has the seelies best interest’s, not the shadowhunter’s or anyone else’s, at heart, okay? and it implicates in shadowhunters giving them many concessions, and the strongest alliances between them are and will always be with the other downworlders - this is also something they are working on, making the different downworlder cultures closer and stronger politically, aiding each other mutually and helping each other reach their political goals. together, the downworlder societies are unbeatable, and the shadowhunters basically have no choice but to accept their demands, especially after so much destruction. plus, at least some of them are slightly more willing to. but it’s mostly a vicious political battle that takes all of them years, not to say decades, to settle

but the fact that the seelies are willing to do it and getting stronger relationships with warlocks and vampires and werewolves (and hoo here i come with my “maia and raphael start a vampires/werewolves alliance” hc because look that rivalry thing is STUPID and i want to see downworlder societies coming closer together and healing after being very obviously pitted against each other due to shadowhunter supremacy) is also what, well, allows the whole thing to happen. they are powerful, and the shadowhunters have no way of taking them on a war, much less now that their forces are well, fragile to say the least

in short! they have leverage now. and that makes it possible for them to try a new external policy that wasn’t in the table before, and their main interest in doing that is helping themselves, because seelies are tired of living in constant fear in a basically military state where they’re confined to the same realm despite them being supposed to be guardians of all of them. like that’s gotta affect their mental health, if they’re one with nature, wouldn’t being kept away from it be like being isolated from your loved ones? isn’t that deprivation? so like. this is about them, not the shadowhunters and how great their society is and how much they want to be a part of them, okay

anyway! so the seelies have designed a plan (because under meliorn’s rule everyone participates in political decisions because hmmm *checks notes* i said so) to make stronger alliances with the other downworlders. the first thing they offer them all is a little token of alliance. to vampires, they offer the possibility of becoming a dayligher - something they can easily do with their angel magic, not to mention, you know, blood -; to werewolves, magical amulets that help them keep their wolf under control, not turning without meaning to and being able to live a relatively normal life if they so choose; and to warlocks, knowledge of seelie magic

and of course magnus in particular eats that shit right UP because he’s a naturally curious person and a genius and a physichist and holy shit i love him so fucking much. seelies have so much more knowledge of physics and magic and their natural workings, so much so that it makes him dizzy because hell, the possibilities, and all the shit he can learn, okay. all this knowledge that was currently being kept away, and the warlocks get to learn about it (or well, part of it. obviously the seelies aren’t going to go around spilling EVERYTHING to them all at once before they even know if their token is accepted and whatnot. but they do teach those who are interested a lot of stuff, maybe create some sort of seelie-warlock magical school/course/programme/look you GET IT to strengthen their relationships as a whole?? boy i eat that shit UP). he’s just losing his mind here

super cute to think about alec coming home to find a very disheveled magnus surrounded by books and notes, hair and clothes rumpled and just a whole mess as he excitedly reads and writes and runs around to get a different book and draw parallels, okay. and alec smiles and has to be like “have you eaten?” and magnus looks up from his books all suddenly like “hm? oh hello alexander, i didn’t see you there”, “have you eaten?” “i don’t remember” “okay, i’ll make you something, you can keep reading” and magnus smiling all like “thank you” and diving right back into the notes in Super Hyperfocus + Hyperfixation Mode as he figures out, like, a thousand new spells (obviously warlocks can’t use seelie magic because they come from different sources they don’t have access to, but like, the knowledge is enough for them to create so much new stuff okay), btw. but anyway, ANYWAY

and to shadowhunters the seelies offer, i dont know, a soggy cheeto or something faiojdsajdasj look it’s not like the seelies owe them so they basically offer a truce and maybe authorization to explore certain parts of the seelie realm in small guarded groups? i dont know, in exchange for them and all other downworlders having a power and a vote in the new shadowhunter laws, and the whole proccess of reconstruction of their society. and the shadowhunters agree, after vicious infighting of course

so anyway years pass and things are blossoming, downworlder societies are stronger than ever and phucking florishing dude, shadowhunters suck less, seelies finally get to wander around like they’ve been wanting to for centuries, there’s been some neato cultural exchange, magnus is still figuring out spells and shit at an alarming rate to anyone who doesn’t know what a goddamn genius he is. and shadowhunter society is- well, changing, but there’s a kind of cultural war going on, you know, with such a strong shift in paradigm so sudden. the changes in schooling and shit that were brought on by the new accords kind of ensure that the newest generations are getting a very different view and education, but there’s still a lot of infighting from shadowhunters who want to undo all that hard work, which is of course still fragile because it’s only starting

and alec of course takes a primary role in that fight, being the greatest representative of the progressive shadowhunters’ (?) and their downworlder allies’ interests, inside shadowhunter society. like don’t get me wrong it’s not like he’s leading the downworlders, the downworlders are doing all that hard work so they can get their own destiny back into their own hands and not be led by shadowhunters anymore, but within shadowhunter society, alec is a leader and their greatest ally slash eye in the inside, defending the policies that downworlders create and letting them know what is going on inside of the clave. basically preparing a cultural war. you get it

so naturally alec is a threat to conservative shadowhunters and they’re trying to strip him off his runes all the time, and there’s even been a few (quickly failed) assassination attempts, you know, the whole. drama. and he plays an important role for this whole game, and magnus has been studying the whole immortality ritual thing, and yeah, the seelies offer to put him through the ritual

it’s a matter of political leverage (and okay maybe a personal favor to meliorn’s dear friend magnus, but like, mostly political leverage). first of all, making alec immortal gives him a lot of power within shadowhunter society, not unlike meliorn and being the child of super powerful parents. second of all, no need to worry about assassination attempts, they can’t fucking kill him! third of all, clear message - alec has powerful allies, way more powerful than the shadowhunters can dream of, and if shadowhunter society is willing to create real, lasting equality with downworlders, they have a lot to gain. if not, they have a lot to lose, because the seelies have literal power over life and death. also, alec better watch his step, too, because, you know. he owes them that one. they are not stupid, they know alec has been looking for a way of becoming immortal for years now, know how much he desires this. it’s also about keeping his loyalty, and making sure he doesn’t forget, he’s supposed to be their ally too

and there are a lot of like, security things in place. alec will not be able to see or hear anything, he will not be taught how the ritual works (not even warlocks know that yet), he will not be taught about its forces, it will happen in the seelie realm and he will go alone, and no other shadowhunter will be granted that unless the seelies themselves offer at a later time, you know, etc etc. they list off things and precautions he has to agree to for like, half an hour, and honestly they could have added “alec will have to eat a piece of the moon” and alec would be like “okay fine great let’s do this”

magnus is fucking terrified

first, because well, they have never attempted to do that on someone who isn’t a seelie, and while they have figured out a pretty damn good understanding of how it works and are pretty sure it should go smoothly, there’s no way to actually tell. it might not work. alec might regret it. does he really want this? to become immortal? he doesn’t have to say yes, and magnus will not be upset, because he would never, ever demand such a huge sacrifice from him-

and alec’s like “nope i want this let’s go” which only terrifies magnus more because it feels like he’s being impulsive, you know? and he doesn’t know if there’s any turning back from this. but alec is like “magnus, when have i ever been impulsive? i’m not impulsive, i’m just sure of what i want, and there’s no reason to dwell on it because that’s already done.” alec is an expert at dwelling on things, and when he makes a decision, it’s because that part has already been thoroughly done, with every single possible argument being exhausted and taken apart minuciously and careful. there’s no room for doubt anymore, because if there had even a spectre of it, alec would still be ruminating. he doesn’t make a decision until he’s sure, but by god, once he makes it, he is sure, and nothing will stop him

so he reassures magnus of that (“hey, look at me. i’m not doing this on a whim. i have been looking for something like this for years. i’ve given it a lot of thought. besides, the seelies reasoning is good, too; i do want to have the time to dedicate myself to these changes, to building a new society, and with that, i can do it. there’s so much i want to live and see and do, magnus. and i want to do it by your side, yes, always, forever, but it’s not just about that. this is my decision. i’m not doing it for you. you won’t owe me anything because of it. you won’t have to make it up for it. because i’m doing it for myself. okay?”) and magnus kind of chokes up and hugs him and cries because he’s so overwhelmed by everything, the fear and the adoration and the relief of knowing that alec isn’t doing this just because of him, because if he had, magnus would forever feel like he was ruining his life, like he was indebted, like he would have to make up for it. but alec wants this. truly. and he doesn’t have to- worry anymore, this constant weight in his head, that tells him this has an expiration date, you’re gonna lose him. look at how much time you’re wasting with all of this, he’ll be gone before you even notice. there’ll be no turning back, and you’ll regret it forever. and fuck it’s just- so much, okay

so alec hugs him and they repeat to each other, i love you, i love you, i love you, and the next day, alec accepts the seelies’ offer.

and magnus is- fuck, terrified, because he can’t even go with him, can’t even watch. there’s nothing he can do but wait

but everything goes relatively smoothly and alec emerges from the seelie realm exactly as before, no change to be noted, not even when magnus scanned him with his magic - it’s all still there. still a shadowhunter, still the same runes, the same face, the same hazel eyes, the same smile and voice, and when he hugs and kisses magnus, it feels like just the same

and then i suppose alec can now, like, talk to trees or something, since he’s connected to the whole force of nature and whatnot. i don’t think he would be able to use magic, because like i said, he’s still the same and a shadowhunter so it’s more that his angelic magic is stronger? but he’s fucking immortal dude, and he can like talk to trees, which is at the very least funny as hell (cracky images of alec discussing with some shadowhunter asshole and he’s like, even your SUCCULENT is tired of you!! but i digress)

anyway the point is, it works both in the sense of immortal alec, baby! and the whole political leverage thing, and they basically revolutionize all of shadowhunter society and alec lives to see the results of that besides magnus, and meliorn is the greatest seelie queen ever, and the downworlder societies are all happy and blossoming and getting their best life, and everyone is happy, and the bigoted shadowhunters die and are hated by their own plants. the end

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kinkymagnus · 4 years

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Hey I've read a lot of your posts, where Magnus is a trans boy and I like that a lot, but I was wondering if you don't like the canon cis male Magnus? I'd ask you non-anonymously too, but I'm honestly scared of some people's hate messages for a question like this... sorry

long answer long answer lmao

hmgmgmnggg ok so i, hm. ok, i don’t think this was meant in a rude way at all, and i promise im in Education(TM) mode not Kill The Malicious Evil Transphobe(TM) mode like im not, accusing you of anything here, at all

but i do have a few Issues with like, the way this was asked i guess

i will answer your question just--give me a sec, im a little uncomfortable here

also like, ok, i get why you’re sending it anonymously, it’s cool--personally i’ve never seen anyone get hate on behalf of trans magnus headcanons (rather than against them) but i mean, hate can come in all shapes and sizes i guess? and anxiety, so. whatever, it’s fine, i get it

but anyway moving on: first, “canon” cis magnus. my dude... my guy... did at any point magnus say I Am Cisgender or pull out his dick.... like... neither trans or cis magnus is really “canon” just as like, you know, izzy isn’t confirmed straight or bi or pan. we know she likes dudes and personally i think the way she looks at clary indicates she sure do like girls, too, but that doesn’t seem to have been intended so it’s debatable, and that’s basically it.

also, in the context of just like... historical shit, realistically magnus isn’t cis. is he trans in the way i write about (like afab, “pre op”)? no, not necessarily in canon (although he isn’t... not that either i guess--we do see his flat chest, no scars, but HYPOTHETICALLY that could be a glamour, or the scars are magically healed. we know he has an adams apple, but there ways to do that without magic, let alone with magic. so like. i’m just saying.)

but like, he wouldn’t be cis how we understand it either by the simple virtue of being much older than the western gender binary as we know it. even if he was born with a penis and all of that and identified as a Man(TM) And Nothing Else that wouldn’t mean his idea of masculinity/manhood would be the same as ours, or that it wouldn’t at least be shaped by very different factors. so like. even if my version of trans magnus isn’t confirmed canon, cis magnus certainly isn’t either i think. that might be slicing hairs or getting finnicky with language, but it’s how i feel about it.

and just assuming that he’s canonically cis rubs me the wrong way, like, characters aren’t cishet by default, you know? obviously the writers probably weren’t intending to make him trans, and cc certainly wasn’t when she stole his character from dark hunters and made it “her own”, or else there’d be a bunch of transphobic tropes in there, but like, you know, death of the authors, we make sense of canon now. intentions arguably don’t matter, we do with the story what we will, especially when working within it.

again i don’t think you were necessarily being like “well magnus is canonically cis so :/” but it rubs me the wrong way and is something i’ve seen before so like, yeah

secondly, “trans boy” magnus versus “cis male” magnus. why boy, anon. why boy

(god why does “why boy” sound like a bizarre t-shirt slogan or a mbmbam segment--NO, BRAIN. WE ARE ON SERIOUS BUSINESS.)

but seriously tho like the sort of infantilization of trans men is really a thing (seeing them as “soft bois” and “uwu cute boys” and feminine/soft/small/delicate) and like, specifically calling magnus a trans boy versus when he’s cis he’s a “male” (which technically can refer to any age but has those like, Connotations) sits wrong with me. like, magnus isn’t a boy, you know? i mean i get making jokes like “aw my boys <3″ or whatever, but with this it’s not that say memey context AND specifically it concerns a trans man (not to mention him being asian) so like, it feels, yikes? like just. he isn’t a “trans boy”

im sorry i realize it seems like im just like harshly picking apart your answer and i really dont mean to sound like a bitch here but like, again. Education(TM) mode not Anon Hate(TM) mode. just for learning, it’s cool, i’m not angry at you, it’s chill.

to answer your question with the yikes language gently nudged to the trash chute: do i dislike cis magnus?

simple answer: yes.

complicated answer: not really. i already stated why i don’t like Cis(TM) magnus as it feels unrealistic and dumb and also he just doesn’t have cis energy lmao, but if you just mean like... well this isn’t really “cis” but kind of what people mean in this context, AMAB magnus (meaning he was “assigned male at birth” aka has a penis and all that) and he’s canonically gnc so like, he’s “cis” even if his understanding of masculinity might be different than ours and obviously we’ve seen him be gnc and all that.... i don’t really hate that, and objectively, i have no issues with it, but personal taste wise, i basically only read/write trans magnus as you see on my blog now. because i’ve kind of absorbed it as “canon” in my head (fanon, i guess, lmao)

plus, just generally trans magnus is really important to me because like, a) he is #goals i too want to be a muscular gnc hottie, b) he’s relatable and i project all my shit onto him lmao, c) it just feels very validating, in a lot of ways--with the sexual preferences i write about, his insecurities, just the way he looks, and him being trans is just kind of reassuring, you know? also d) i honestly think it fits him/his character/his backstory and he just has the vibes u kno

so basically, Cis(TM) magnus? no-go. cis magnus as in AMAB/identifies as a man full stop even if it’s wibbly wobbly compared to current times and lbr no one is going to really explore that much beyond him being outwardly gnc sometimes? fine, whatever. trans afab magnus still being gnc as hell? yessssssss

ldkgjfgh anyway im glad you like my posts!!! and hopefully ive Inducted Another Into The Trans Magnus Cult (thats a joke, but seriously, im just like,,,,,maam do u have time for ur lord and savior trans magnus?? maam blease)

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