#I don't want to be here. I don't want to do this. I've been crying every day. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

nyx-umbrakinesis · 5 hours

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Imagine you are laying in bed with Vox and you know he is charging/asleep and you are trying to do your walk of shame/pride and you pull out your phone to call for an Uber/taxi and when you look at your screen it Vox going "Baby come back to bed"

This ended up nsfw lmao Vox x Reader, CW: vagina fingering, and p in V sex.

You slide out of bed, looking over your shoulder to make sure Vox's screen is still dimmed and his eyes shut.

Quickly gathering your clothes and heading out through the hauntingly quiet halls of VoxTek, footsteps echoing as you scramble to call your ride.

Fuck you knew it was a mistake to sleep with your boss, fuck fuck fuck, what were you going to do? What was he going to do? Fire you? Maybe you should quit.

Your mind whirrs as you get in your ride... Odd you hadn't called for a limousine but you checked the name with the driver and he said something about an upgrade so you shrugged assuming other drivers were too busy or something.

You get in and start doomscrolling your phone to try and calm your nerves, fidgeting slightly as you feel Vox's cum trickling from you, fuck you'd forgot your panties, adjusting your skirt uncomfortably, glad of the privacy screen you look back at your phone and yelp nearly dropping it and Vox's face appears on the screen.

Vox: "Babydoll what are you doing? You should come back to bed."

His voice is so assured you almost agree, he always had something about him that mad you want to agree to anything his said, despite your own self imposed rules about not getting attached to folk down here and only having one night stands.

You: "Sorry sir, this was a mistake, we shouldn't... Won't be doing this again... I understand I need to look for a new job tomorrow."

Vox's face frowns, and you sigh with relief thinking he's going to agree but you shriek when suddenly with a bolt and a zap to your hand he's suddenly sat beside you, having travelled through your phone.

You blush in mortification as he's still utterly bare.

You: "S-Sir... -"

Vox: "Oh no Doll, I've found something I like, and I don't give up my toys so easily, so I'm going to convince you to come back with me now, and you're going to be a good little Doll and TRUST me."

Blinking as you feel slightly dizzy, you whimper as you feel his hand sliding up your thigh, and your body is oddly limp as he spreads you open without resistance, hiking your skirt around your waist, his eyes glued to the sight of his cum dripping out of you.

Vox: "Fuck Babydoll, that's so hot. Just waiting for me really weren't you, left me a parting gift and everything."

You: "I-I never do more than one night stands."

Vox: "That's because you've always been mine, and those other idiots were too dumb to chase soothing so damn perfect."

You can't respond as his tongue eases inside your mouth and his fingers start sliding through your folds simultaneously. You hips buck and a needy whine escapes your lips.

Vox: "Now let's see how much convincing you need to come back and stay."

Your hips arch and your chest strains as he rubs teasing circles around your clit.

You: "Vox..."

Vox: "That's right Babydoll, thays exactly how you should be saying my name."

Vox keeps rubbing you, his mouth marking your shoulder as the shoulder on your shirt is ripped, but you can't think, can't mind it as he drives you closer and closer to your peak.

The squelch of his fingers sliding into you is embarrassingly loud and he chuckles against your neck, which is bent at such an odd but accommodating angle.

Your moans increase as his fingers fucks you more relentlessly now, your clit feeling puffy and swollen as his thumb doesn't stop tormenting it too.

You hand grabs his wrist for grounding and you feel the flex of his tendons and muscles at work as he drives his digits deep inside you.

You : "Oh fuck."

Vox: "Don't worry, Doll, we will, again."

Your other hand is grabbed and placed right on his hard cock, the rigid member throbbing in your grasp and you cry out as your fall apart all over Vox's fingers.

Twitching and spasming, you swear you hear him gasp as the grip of your hand on his cock matches that of your cunt on his fingers.

Vox: "Perfect little Doll, now you're coming home with me aren't you, and you're going to be a good Toy and not leave."

Absently you nod, and don't even notice as you end up within moments on a plush bed, clothing shredded, and crying out his name once more as his cock starts fucking his own cum even deeper inside you.

Vox: "Trust me, Babydoll, you're staying right here where you belong... Mine."

*The driver had been hired by Vox and was literally circling the streets, that's why they never arrived anywhere 😂

#Nyx's Quips #hazbin hotel #vox hazbin hotel #hazbin vox x reader #vox smut hazbin hotel #hazbin vox smut #vox x reader hazbin hotel #vox x reader #vox x reader smut #vox x y/n smut #vox x you #vox imagine #vox smut #hazbin vox #vox the tv demon #hazbin vox x you smut #vox

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radicheart · 2 days

Text

so...some updates.

i had to quit my job due to the physical toll it was taking on me. right now i'm still struggling to walk due to my lower back feeling really sprained. i think i pulled a muscle or something and my recovery is slow.

i do feel better than i did a week ago, though. i could hardly move at all without the pain being so overwhelming that i wanted to cry. now it's still there and i can't bend over very well, but i can at least move around.

physical pain aside, i've been struggling to write or talk to people in general due to my mental health taking a bit of a nosedive. i've had some pretty bad history over the years with trying to talk to people (both online and in person) and having what i say either be glossed over or outright ignored. i also have a constant worry that i'm bothering people whenever i do get comfortable and start sending a bunch of messages to them. as a result of both points, it's become really hard for me to approach anyone.

i do think that it's partially my fault for not trying harder. and i do understand that people are busy, or aren't in the mood to talk/write for whatever reason. it just feels like everyone i know is going through that communicative rut, so i don't have very many people i feel comfortable approaching on my own.

i've been writing on discord, though. at least a little. i know not everyone writes on discord, and that's okay too. it's just easier for me to write on there than it is here since it doesn't make my anxiety flare up nearly as badly.

as of right now, i'm not too sure what my stance is on being more active. i know i made that post a while back about approaching people in dms, and it got a pretty big response (which i am very grateful for!). but i'm not sure if i have the drive to do much of anything on this site at the moment. i feel pretty drained in general, and coming on here just to experience a constant fomo (fear of missing out, for those that don't know), as well as feeling insignificant/replaceable, doesn't help in the slightest.

so, for right now, i'll be sticking to discord. if you have me on there already, feel free to give me a nudge if you like. and if you don't have me on there, feel free to add me. my username is sunibuni. you don't need to ask me if it's ok to add me. you have my permission per this post.

thanks for reading and being patient and understanding as always. i hope y'all have a great day/night. <3

#( ooc )

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romana-after-dark · 2 days

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Rooms on Fire: Losing My Religion

Dark!Santiago Garcia x Fem!Reader

Dark!Francisco Morales x Fem!Reader

Dark!William Miller x Fem!Reader

Dark!Benjamin Miller x Fem!Reader

Also: FishBen, and an assortment of other M/M relationships (no Millercest). Everyone is Bisexual

Series Masterlist: Main Masterlist

Spotify playlist

Summery: Madonna has to make a stand.

Warnings and Content:

DEAD DOVE DO NOT EAT

DUB CON MOSTLY but there WILL BE NON CON. Major character deaths, forced breeding, physical abuse, brainwashing, manipulation, violence, gore, alcoholism/addiction, BIG OLE BLASPHEMY WARNING like this cult appropriates a lot of religious themes and they call reader their Madonna, Santi is called the Pope, like all that stuff. However, this is a cult so I mean. It happens. None of it are my thoughts on religion or meant to make fun of religion or demonize religious people. Disgusting views on virginity. Attempted rape outside the boys. T*m warning. Age gap. Creepy terrible men. Non-reader rape, dub con, violence. Covert incest, massive mommy issues, sexual abuse all around, past grooming by parental figure. no CSA but the victim isn't much older. some Bates Motel type shit. I cannot properly warn you for everything, without just telling the story but consider this a major warning that there are dark dark themes. No one involved here is morally clean, and who you perceive as the good guy cannot be relied on. Don't come to my story and say im romanticizing these things until at least the story ends.

Extra warnings for chapter: Pretty standard tbh

3.6k words

A/N Please know tags have been spotty so check and make sure you're caught up!

"That's me in the corner That's me in the spot-light Losing my religion Trying to keep up with you And I don't know if I can do it Oh no I've said too much I haven't said enough I thought that I heard you laughing I thought that I heard you sing I think I thought I saw you try." ~Losing my Religion, R.E.M

“Will, take her.” Santiago orders Will, and the stronger man tries to take you away from where you cling to Frankie.

Frankie, however, steps away. “No! You aren’t taking her from me!” He looks back and forth between Will, Ben, and Santi. Through the silence, they can all here Iris wailing over Rey’s body in the kitchen. “You’re all fucking insane! None of you get her!”

Ben scoffs. “She doesn’t belong to you, Frank.”

“YES SHE DOES! She’s my WIFE!”

Will steps forward, taking a hand on your leg assertively, looking Frankie in the eyes. His dominance quells the room. “She’s my wife too, Frankie. Let me take her.” In a lower voice, he adds just to Frankie. “It’s gonna be easier if you just go, you know that. I’ll take care of her. I promise.”

Frankie glances at Santi, rage bubbling in him. Will was right. “Sent someone to get Rey’s body, help Iris move him. She’s… she’s not gonna wanna leave his body. We are not making her clean up his blood the way she did Jonah’s, got it?” Francisco rarely spoke this firmly… but he cared about Iris and he wanted Rey’s body respected.

“I will, I promise.” Frankie watched as you left the room in Will’s arms, crying into his chest.

Francisco was dragged down the halls, Ben trailing after then after being told to follow, Santi yanking along Frankie’s still-soar arm.

“Show down! Ow!”

“Shut the fuck up!” When they got to Frankie’s bedroom, Santi told Ben to stay outside until he was called. When the door closed, he delivered a crisp slap across Frankie’s face.

“Shit!” Frankie cried, holding his face and tasting blood.

Grabbing his shirt, Santi shoves Ben against the door, making sure Ben hears every Santi is doing to Frankie that he can’t stop.

“Don’t you EVER disrespect me like that again!” He screams, slapping Frankie again and making his head lul to the side. “I AM YOUR GOD!”

Frankie shoves him back. “YOU”RE MY BROTHER! This whole thing is FUCKED Santi!”

Santi went for Frankie’s shirt, tearing at the fabric and buttons as Frankie tried to fight him off. There was a scuffle, slaps to faces and arms and chest before his shirt was pulled off him, showing the scars on Frankie’s arms. Scars that matched Santi’s. Neatly in a line, they were scabbed and new, bruising still around the wounds, each an inch or two long. Santiago pressed their arms together.

“Blood brothers, Frank. Blood brothers. You were made for me, I was made for you, you know that, don’t you?”

Frankie winces at the memory, how Santiago laid him down with a knife, cut into their skin together until they bled. On a bed of blood they fucked, sealing their commitment to each other, or that’s what Santi thought the ritual meant. The whole time, Frankie tried to imagine it was Ben.

Santi didn’t let go of his arm, fingers tracing up and down the scarred skin, picking at a scab until it bled. “You’re mine, Frank. Certainly not Madonna’s. She’s here to have our child. And you’re not Ben’s either.”

His eyes went wide at that, going into defense. Deny, deny, deny, or Ben would be dead.

“Santi, no, we’re not- AH!” Santiago ripped the scab, causing blood to spill out.

“Don’t lie to me! I know you fuck him behind my back. Is that why you care so much about Saha? You fucking him too, just like Madonna?”

Bent over in pain holding his arms, Frankie looks up at Santi in anguish, tears in his eyes as he screams. “HE WAS MY FRIEND! HE WAS HERS! FOR FUCK SAKE SANTIAGO NOT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT SEX!” He stood up straight, speaking strong even as he cried. “He loved Iris! He loved Iris only and Ben killed him! That girl lost her father and now is sobbing because of her lover's dead body!”

Santiago scoffs. “That’s your fucking boy toy, not mine. I don’t control Ben.”

“That’s the problem! You and Beatri indulged his every whim, Will protected him from any consequence and now he’s a spoiled slut!”

“And what do you think you are? You live in comfort, in excess even, you get fucked by me, Ben, Will, even sliding your cock into Madonna’s little cunt for hours in those meadows because I allow it! You’re just a cockdumb, petulant child who's mad because the world isn’t perfect! You’re no better.”

Frankie locked his jaw, staring hard. “Yes, I am.”

When Santi closed in on him, Frankie braced for impact. Instead, when their bodies were crowded together, Santi simply opened the door. Ben sat there ont he floor, legs pulled up to his chest like a child whose parents were fighting, looking up at the door with wide blue eyes.

“You hear all that, Benny?”

Ben blinked, “Yeah.” He stands up, his long legs wobbly.

“Ben…” Frankie wanted to say he didn’t mean it, they were all fucked… but Rey’s blood still covered him. It was an odd sight on a boy who looked so young and innocent when he really wanted too. Or needed to.

Terror filled him, afraid Santi was going to hurt Benny, and despite just watching him kill a man in cold blood Frankie felt the need to protect him. He looked so much like that young underweight half-frozen boy in Will’s arms so many years ago. What happened to them all?

Instead of harming him, Santi beconned him in the room and kissed him so tenderly, Frankie hasn’t seen it since they were teens promising to be different from Beatriz.

Ben made no effort to rebuff. He was taken aback at first of course, this was not the response they were expecting from him. He locked eyes with Frankie as Santi deepened the kiss, and narrows his eyes at his lover. Ben does not take kindly to being insulted. Arms snake around Santi’s middle, Ben grinding his cock against Santi’s stomach, moaning into his mouth. Frankie heard drops of blood drip from his arm into the wood floor. He needed to wrap it up. Instead, Santi told Frankie to get in the chair.

It took everything in Santi to not watch Frankie watching them. To not see his face as he slid inside Ben’s asshole, to not see how much it pissed him off when he made the younger man moan as he sucked on a nipple. He didn’t need to look, however, because he knew, he knew just how badly it was angering Frankie, how it hurt him. Santi fucked Ben the way he knew Frankie liked, slow and tender, lots of kisses. He knew Frankie longed for those soft days so long ago, teenagers sneaking around, falling in love in closets and up in trees. Before Madonna came and fucked everything up.

That’s why they were made for each other. Raised together, brothers, as close and two people could get. From the craddle to the grave, Francisco Morales belonged to him. They were meant to be, their bodies were created by Beatriz to fit together, to bring each other pleasure. Frankie was his eve, the mother, the god of nature and fertility and-WHY COULDNT HE GET PREGNANT?!??!? None of this would have happened if Mother God had allowed them this, if he could fill his lover with his hot seed and create the savior Santiago couldn’t be. They could birth the savior together, Mary and Joseph, Frankie as the Madonna instead of that cunt causing all the problems.

Santi was sure not to harm Ben, opening him up slowly as the boy moaned like a slut with his asshole clenching on Santi’s tongue, fingers poking their way inside in contrast to the way he liked to ram into Frankies cunt.

Ben was so tender, so sensitive, his cockhead beat red and slick with precum as Santi slid his thumb around it. He repeatedly pulled back the skin, making Ben moan in wonton madness. He gave Ben the gentle love making he knew his Frank desired, the kind of soft touches Santi hadn’t been giving lately. No, ever since Madonna came he was ravenous. He didn’t like watching anyone inside Frankie, making exceptions on occasion for Will and Ben because he thought he could trust them.

Despite not being threatened or even ordered to watch, when Santiago turned to the chair he saw Frankie watching. santi knew Frankie liked to be watched, liked to be heard, so he wondered how being put as the watcher affected him. Frankie’s face was set into a hard glare, eyes red and burning with tears and his knuckles going white with clenched fists.

Still, his cock was hard in his pants.

You cried. And cried. And cried.

Hysterics paused only long enough for Will to occasionally get some water in you as he held you close. It had been hours at this point, unsure what is happening to Francisco, what was happening to Iris, what would happen to Rey’s body.

Dead. He was dead. Your best friend was dead, Jonah was dead and Iris hated you. Everything was over now. You hold your stomach, realizing how disconnected you were from this baby in you. At month 7, there was a whole child and yet you felt like… like it was in you, not a part of you. There, not connected. You loved the baby, of course you did, you were its mom but… why didn’t you feel like it? Lately, you’d felt like you were just… here to do a job.

Eventually you calmed down, exhausted from the hysterics, and Will held you close to his chest. He calmed you down slowly, gentle hands brushing over your body. You could not fathom how the hands you’ve felt healing your body were the same as the fist that beat Jonah to death.

“Will?” You ask, listening to the beat of his heart. It was strong.

“Yes, my Madonna?”

“What happens now?” You couldn’t tell if he was pausing to think or in confusion, so you elaborate. “Jonah is dead. Rey is dead. I can never see Santi and Ben the same again-”

He sat up a bit to look at you. “You forgave Santi?”

Was Will really this naive? Really? Santiago had violently raped you, allowed your pregnant body to be burned and Will thought you forgave him? You and your baby could have died, and he thought you forgave him? Will was who you trusted. No matter what happened, you’d always trusted your Will, your smart handsome brave husband, your God of War and Medicine, your protection and your healing.

You can hear Jonah’s voice in your head, begging you to have a shred of survival instinct, to trust your gut.

For the first time, you lie to him.

“I did…” You fib, just a little. “It’s just been a lot lately and… he did something bad. I just can’t forget all of that.”

He nods in understanding. “I get it… I do.” His fingertips trail over your scarred skin. “To answer your question… I don’t know. I really don’t but… we’re married, we all love you and I know, I know Ben messed up today…”

Messed up? Ben killed your Rey, an innocent man. Your friend. Frankie’s friend. Dead and cut up on the kitchen floor where Iris, for all you know, is still sobbing.

You feel the walls coming up around Will.

He continues. “But we’ll find a way to move on as a family.”

You were not a family with these people.

“Yeah, yeah okay.”

Iris fell asleep on the floor, durk curls caking in blood as she rested on her lover's stabbed-open chest. It didn't matter. She wasn’t going to get up.

They won. Those fuckers won.

Santiago had beaten her into submission, cutting up parts of her she’d never had the chance to show Reyansh.

Ben raped her for years and years and year and Iris managed to hold on because she had Reyansh and to a certain extent Jonah. Jonah was disappointing, Jonah’s shortcomings were clear and she would never forgive what he tried to do to that poor girl, whatever it was, but the day he died she lost one more person.

But Iris wouldn’t clean up Reyansh’s blood the way she had to Jonah’s. She’d die here in his arms. If Ben wanted to touch her again, he could fuck her dead, rotting corpse. Iris doubted Ben would let anything as simple as death set her free.

When she woke up, she was being pulled away from Rey’s dead body. Iris screamed, but that didn’t matter to anyone anymore. Another few guards start pulling Rey’s body away, congealed blood dragging out from under him, and that’s when Iris started fighting. They couldn’t take him. They couldn’t have him. He was hers.

“I’m sorry.” The guard behind her said. Scott, a nice, naive young man. Many guards were loyal to Santi above all else, but Will held the most control. Still, Rey was well liked. With the exception of those who were hardcore true believers amongst the guard who knew Santi’s recent turn on Reyansh, Iris had no doubt they were, actually sorry. It didn’t change the fact she was being separated from her lover even in death.

“Just do what he says” Frankie tells Iris, hands planted firmly on her shoulders, eyes intently boring into hers. “He’s gonna fucking kill me for coming down here but Iris, you have to just do it.”

Her eyes burned with tears of anger as she stood near the door to the backyard, underneath the balcony. “What’s happening, Frankie.”

He closed his eyes a moment as he heard the door unlocking. “I can’t lose you too, Iris. Please. I need you with me. I don’t have Jonah, I don’t have Rey-”

“I don’t either!” Iris spat. “What makes you think I want to live after watching that?” It had been hours since she watched her rapist stab her Rey to death, powerless as Frankie held her back. Ben would have killed her too. Should have.

“I need help! I can’t keep her alive alone, Iris! We have to be a team, for each other, for Madonna, for our ch-”

The door opened, Will bringing Madonna down with a guard. You looked awful. He hadn’t seen you since Will took you away, dealing with Santi’s shit… Blood was still on your nightgown.

“Madonna…” Frankie was no longer pleaded with Iris, went to hug his wife. Will instructed the guard not to harm Madonna in the slightest, and Iris appreciated Frankie’s addendum not to hurt her either, but Iris knew she was a second thought.

“Francisco, what’s happening?” Your hands pressed to his chest, looking up at him.

Frankie told you the same thing he told her, to just do as we’re told and it would be okay. Iris had a sick, sick feeling. “Trust me.” He said, hugging her. He looked at Iris. “Please.” Then made his exit with Will. Iris heard crowds outside, and wondered what sick, perverted show Santi was going to make you do now? Would he make you hurt her? That was fine by Iris.

You turned to her, those scared eyes chipping away at the ice in her heart. Iris knew you didn’t mean to get Rey killed, and blaming you for Jonah’s death was unfair and cruel… but she needed to be angry.

“Iris…” You whimper, wet eyes trickling tears down your pretty face. You held your stomach in fear.

When the door opens, you and Iris are quickly ushered out into the courtyard where hundreds of people looked on. Taking in the scene, Iris heard your heavy breathing. What she didn’t need, was you having a panic attack… When she turned to see your horror stricken face, Iris couldn’t help feel that ice melt a little more. Fuck, you were young. 23, just a child. You deserved better. Iris took your hand.

But you were looking past her. “Iris…” You said with wide eyes. Iris turned around.

On the courtyard, Rey’s body was tied to an X on top of a funeral pyre, strung up and limp and lifeless. She felt sick to her stomach, turning up towards where the four wanna be gods sat upon their ivory tower, daring to look upon her love. She couldn’t read their expressions, but watched as someone lit the pyre. Reyansh’s body went up in flames.

Santiago spoke not to them, but to the crowd. “Reyash Saha is guilty of high treason! As is custom, those closest must dance as he burns. Not even the Madonna is above the will of Divine Mother.”

He emphasized those last words, Iris knew, to put you in your place. You weren’t a goddess to him, you weren’t his mommy dearest. You were a womb.

The music started up.

“DAAAANCE!!!!” He screamed down to you both, and as the smell of burnt flesh filled the yard, you began to dance. It was scared, it was erratic, it was for your life and the life of your child. Iris understood that fear. But she wasn’t going to dance. It’s been a while since the last public burning, 2 years, she thinks, but she’d been at plenty, danced in several. This is not how it was done.

Firstly, this was supposed to be execution. You didn’t burn dead bodies. If a traitor was dead already, the close family and friends were questioned but there was no grand show.

If this were a proper burning, there was a ceremony, there were prayers to Divine Mother, chants.

The yard would be filled with everyone the traitor knew. Most of the guardsmen would be here for Reyansh, the house laborers, townsfolk… not just trying to terrifying to women. If the Madonna isn’t above it, Francisco shouldn’t be either.

No, this was just a show for the girl.

“Iris!” You grab onto her. “You need to dance!” Your words were broken and desperte, but Iris shrugged you off. “PLEASE!” You sob, grabbing her hands to force her but Iris shoved you back.

“I WON”T BE MADE TO DANCE AS MY HUSBAND BURNS!”

“But-” You reach for her, but she slaps your hand away. If the guard cared about the abuse of the Madonna, they didn’t care. The music was too loud to hear even shouting.

“Tell me, is there anything in the world that could convince you to dance as Frankie burned?” The image horrified you, but you remained resolute.

“My baby! Please I know you can’t understand but I need you, I can’t lose anyone else- IRIS PLEASE JUST DANCE!” You scream, pulling on her.

Iris grabbed your shoulders, stopping you. “I’m pregnant too.”

You were frozen in stunned silence. “You… Rey…”

But Iris shakes her head. “I never had sex with him. Ben fucked everyone under the sun and I didn’t wanna chance giving him anything… But I told him, I broke down and told him… he’d figured it out.” Iris feels the tears coming, but forces them down. Don’t let them see you cry. Hadn’t she told you that before? “Rey said… said he’d raise it as his own. That he’d take me away and now he’s dead. And those men up there-” She pointed to the balcony. “Are why. I won’t tell you what to do, because you have your own child to think of, you are much further along, but me?” She pointed to her chest covered in Rey’s blood. “I refuse to give them anymore satisfaction. They cannot take my dignity. I simply won’t let them.”

Santiago watched from the balcony, smug as Madonna started dancing. Jesus she was pathetic. He expected Iris to not dance, giving him a reason to kill the brat finally. Maybe he’d take her for a little spin to see what Benny was so gunho about. But Madonna? Weak little thing like that had been trying to play big girl recently, acting tough, testing her boundaries like a fucking teenager and thinking her status protected her. It didn’t. But look at her now, dancing around as her best and probably only friend burned, just like she did, just like her paintings, just like her dad.

It was amusing watching you try to save Iris. Your empathy was something that he was attracted to. You were sweet, he liked watching you paint. If you had behaved, he could have lived a whole life with you here with him, his Madonna, raising the savior for his roll… But no, you had to have a temper tantrum. You had to whore around as if 4 cocks weren’t enough. And yet, when it came time to really be brave…. You were like a little puppet on a string and he could toy with you as much as he-

What were you doing?

“Santi…” Francisco tried to sooth as Santi’s knuckles turned white, gripping the balcony with a force as the sound of the music swelled around him. You stopped. Iris put her stupid fucking hands on you the way she put her stupid fucking hands on Ben’s body and tainted you. He watched with rage building inside. She was standing too fucking close.

“Will.” Santi barked, not taking his eyes off you two. Will was the most observant. Frankie could be naive and Ben wasn’t paying attention to most things. “Are they fucking?”

He swore he heard Will sigh. “No, Santi. Jesus fucking christ.”

Then they were conspiring against him. The two girls stilled completely. And then they turned around, looking up at him.

Santiago looked right back. They were fucking dead.

Okay!!! were so close to the end! I think it flashback chapter, then the finale might have to be split lololol.

Not a super eventful chapter, but I thought things needed to breathe before the last pieces. Still, I think enough is here to entertain!!

Thank you to everyone who has stuck through all the hiatuses. Ily!!!

If anyone is interested, I just finished my finale of Blessed Be the Fruit which took over a year for a short series. sorry ;-;

anyway its done!

Love you all soooooo much!

If you like Logan Howlett, check out my new series Be Quiet

Poll time!

LOVE YOU ALL!

How to keep up with the story!

Comment on this masterlist that you want to be tagged and I'll tag you in updates (If you ask to be tagged, I ask you at least like the fic. Likes dont do anything to spread the work, but it at least lets me know you're still reading.)

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Follow the tag Rooms on fire

Tags are working like SHIT these days for me and many, many others so make sure to follo wthe rooms on fire tag or my update account.

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djpisskink · 3 days

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in most cases of schizo spectrum disorders, the age of onset tends to occur during young to later adulthood, on average. knowing that doesn't make looking back on my younger self any less mind boggling. i had so much drive, i was such an emotional child who would cry for hours, didn't matter if it was over a sad story or something bad that happened to me, or even something happy. i wanted to be liked so badly, the sting of rejection from my peers felt like the world was crashing around me. i'd binge watch anime, make fan art, practice drawing, pump out several fanfiction chapters a week, play games and make friends online, without mentioning the hours spent on roleplaying sites.

that knowledge also opens my eyes to the small warning signs. being bullied and rejected by people who were supposed to be my support systems ever since i was a small child made me grow up into a cynical angry jerk with a faux unbothered facade. i learned that if i pushed my reactions and feelings down, people would quickly leave me alone. if i hid my "real self" and separated it from the world, becoming a spectator instead of a performer in it, people wouldn't have power over it anymore. in short, people would always prove themselves to be utterly unreliable in one way or another.

over the years, i learned to leave first. to critically analyze myself, and others, and the situations at hand, to the point where nowdays it's extremely difficult for me to truly immerse myself in a situation. i grew a resentment towards the idea of being caged, of being at the mercy of other people and their feelings and ideas. i had been deprived of true freedom for so long that once i tasted a drop of it, i decided then and there that i never wanted to go back.

nowdays it's difficult for me to do much of anything, or at least care enough to do so. if i wasn't audhd i doubt there would be much pushing me to do the scarce things i already indulge in. the fact that i seem secure in myself and who i am, mixed with my inability to judge others with its roots in indifference and a mind limited by logic, makes me be perceived as someone reliable. but i'm really not. i've hurt people because of the way that i am, and it's not something i want to do. in some cases it's unavoidable though.

at the end of the day, i like being schizoid. learning to navigate the world and other people with this brain is both the easiest and most laborious thing i've ever done. i don't think i'll ever be able to truly show all parts of myself to others, but then again i don't think most people can.

i'd just like to be content with what i have. i want to genuinely like being here, every day. that's what i want. and sometimes that sounds impossible, but i believe that child still lives in me, somewhere. and if it could do at least some of it, even while carrying all that hurt, then i think i can, too.

#sent directly from the void #hello from the floating house #szpd #actually szpd #schizoid personality disorder #schizo spectrum

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hinamie · 1 month

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bunch of portraits

#my art #jujutsu kaisen #jjk #jjk fanart #jujutsu kaisen fanart #yuji itadori #ryomen sukuna #megumi fushiguro #gojo satoru #nanami kento #choso kamo #nobara kugisaki #yuta okkotsu #fanart #crying im so tired....#busts aren't hard on their own but 8 of them ???#i should have stuck at 6 if i knew what was good fr me #but lucky fr choso n yuuta enjoyers i dont know whats good fr me and tacked on the extra 2 last minute #i did a bust piece waaay back in 2020 early jjk days and it was this crowd minus choso/yuuta so i wanted to like. do a kind of redraw #im happy choso n yuuta made the cut tho they r fun they look as tired as i feel #i've been having a lot of fun w the more semirealistic skin render so i wanted to stretch those muscles a bit more #took the better part of 3 days but u know i'm pretty happy w these i dont think i have a hard least favourite #fun game guess my favourite characters based on how i draw them it is Glaringly obvious 2 me #ik i said i dont have a least favourite but i certainly have A Favourite #uhhhh misc notes i tried rly hard to make sukuna's face look like yuuji's and only rly change the expression #i think i was successful??? i hope?????? like i didnt want to make him look like his own person as bad as that sounds #he is Wearing Yuuji that is Yuuji's Face #also i rly . wish there were more women . but as much as i like maki as a character i fr some reason don't find drawing her very fun ?#so nobara out here pulling her weight fr the girls my goat my queen <333

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codacheetah · 3 months

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5 for the isat ask game!

5 - What's your favorite optional event?

VERY TOUGH ONE TO ANSWER. I'm gonna go right ahead and disqualify twohats bc it's a predictable answer. If I had to choose just one though I think it'd probably be the sus event. It really got my goat on my first playthrough bc I didn't realize you had to do it in ACT 4. If I remember correctly I think sus is the only optional event locked to ACT 4??? Now that I've actually done it though I'm quite fond of it.

Sus event is one that you really have to go out of your way to do. It kind of reminds me of the True Ending in SASASAP but More and I'm sure that's intentional. Like the requirements for sus quest necessitate that you're going to do it, if not the loop before ACT 5, very soon before it. You have to know pretty much everything about Time Craft and Wish Craft already, so whatever you're doing in the loops now is basically taking out any optional stuff before you hit the end. You have to pretty thoroughly remember how the script goes just so you know all the best ways to break it. I feel like if the True Ending route is Loop going through the motions so many times that they can't deal with holding their facade together any longer, the sus route is Siffrin waving a big red flag around for help. There's just no way you're going to stumble into sus without preplanning what to do to rack up your points and make Odile aware of how Wish Craft works.

So I think it's interesting how much Siffrin pushes back against Odile trying to figure him out. It's a pattern of behavior that I am well aware of where you're desperately going "HELP ME" but you're not willing to accept it when it's offered to you.

Siffrin spends an entire loop screwing everything up, to a point that's frankly kind of egregious even by Late Stage Timeloopers standards, and then they can't reckon with the consequences of it. I don't think sus event is as intentional of a cry for help for Siffrin as it is the player, mind you. But I do think it's. Very tragic. Yeah of course "it's too late" in the sense that Siffrin's about to talk to Euphie and the whole journey will end, but moreso it's that by the time that Odile can piece together all the information necessary to figure Siffrin out, Siffrin is just far too deeply entrenched in his self hatred and fear of abandonment to be dug out. I think if Odile could somehow figure it out in, like, early ACT 3, or if Isabeau was just a bit more pushy in getting Siffrin to do a feelings talk, maybe they'd actually be able to reach Siffrin a little. But they're always just a little too late, every single time.

I think the fact that you start really getting a bunch of weird points in ACT 3 gives this event a lot of buildup. For potential dozens of loops you'll see Odile brush against the truth of the situation, and then just barely miss. By the time she figures it out, it's too late. Explodes

Expounded upon slightly more in tags bc I don't like typing in post bodies I feel like a fish on land. eek

#asks #ask game #ive been forgetting 2 tag my asks. smh #Sorry ocean that this took a while to answer i got lost in the sauce (rereading dialogue in rpgmaker)#i spent way too long writing this and i dont think i even touched on the guts of why this scene gets to me. tbh #it's just like. idk i've been there #doing shit not even really on purpose to kind of flag other people like Hey i'm doing bad #and then they're like hey are you doing bad and it's like. Oh fuck well now they know and they'll want me to die. i gotta get outta here #very relatable siffrin momence. never a good thing #like i realize that siffrin was literally like 'i don't think i want ur help' and then i kept calling their actions a cry for help #but like that's what it is. i can't read susquest as anything else. i don't think those two things contradict either #desire to be helped versus desire to not be perceived/not be a burden on others.#wanting help but not wanting to BE helped? does that make sense. am i saying words #it's like how loop wanted help so badly they lost everything in pursuit of it when all they had to do was be honest with their friends.#idk. kicks rock around #isat spoilers

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pardonmydelays · 3 months

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i have a confession to make: i'm actually doing better than i ever was

#i started making friendship bracelets for my show & for my gang today #i'm actually pretty excited #also it feels different when you make them for specific people because then you actually make them with love #so i was thinking of you today (you know who you are) 🤍#i also realized that i actually like my job which is crazy to me #i've been struggling with this so much during past few months and i am finally somewhere i don't hate #i like my coworkers and i don't want to cry when i have to go there #i don't even mind working with customers anymore because most of them are nice here #and this job may actually give me the opportunity to make more money in the future so i might just stay here for a while #this is not a perfect life but it is MY life and honestly i wouldn't change a thing about it right now #i am doing good and i am healing #i am taking care of myself #one step at a time #no rush #i'm trying to focus on things that make me happy and myself #i talk to my friends a lot i talk to my parents #i am fine and this time it's not a lie #i feel like maybe one day i will be finally able to say that i'm happy #i'm not there yet but it's good #yay for me i guess #🤍🤍🤍#but sincerely can you hear me?*

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thebirdandhersong · 1 year

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I think the problem. the problem is that I have always been afraid of not being invited into the inner circle. and am always wanting to be part of the inner circle. inner circle being the circle of love and companionship and communion. of course being a TCK and a bit of a sheltered homeschooled oddball child has nudged this further along over the years. but I didn't realise how STRONG that desire still burned. to actually be wanted.

#in other words today has been an oddly sad day! discovering that the friends you've made have their own group chats #that are separate from the general group chat (that no one ever talks on) that you aren't a part of is......... i don't know #i KNOW i'm liked by them and i KNOW they love me but do they WANT me around?#like. i know i'm not UNpleasant to have around. i am a good listener and a good conversationalist.#i work very hard at it because it doesn't come naturally to me.#but clearly that's not enough to be added to exclusive group chats! clearly that's not enough to be part of inner core circles #i don't know this just came out of nowhere and i feel as if i've been slapped in the face #sitting at a table where people are talking about the thing someone sent to the group chat #or the photo or quote or reel someone sent to someone else is....... bizarre.#i am trying not to be so hurt by it! i am trying not to take it so personally #it happens. i know it happens. i know it will keep happening. it is just that i thought this was a place where i wouldn't be lonely #and this is the dorm community i've invested so much of my time and energy and love into since last year.#so i think i'm justified in being a little upset!#i'm not crying about it but that's because i'm not about to cry with other people sitting here in the study lounge!#the math is probably really wrong here but i thought that if i poured love in for the sake of pouring love in #somehow somewhere along the line i would also receive love. that i would actually be a part of this community.#anyway that's not going to change how i live here! i committed myself to doing my best this last year #because i don't want anyone to feel left out or unwanted or lonely. i already made the decision #to do everything i can to love the people here.#i'm not trying to toot my horn this is just what i actually want to and have decided to do!#i have birthday cards planned! i have midterm snacks planned!#i've just worked out how i can print christmas and easter cards and stickers!#i'm GOING to love darn it all i'm GOING to pour love in #i think it hurts especially because there's the boy problem going on too #of not being wanted in an area that i DIDN'T expect to be wanted in #and then learning that there is a collective not being wanted in this whole community #it is a Lot and it is very hard and i don't know what to do with it!#i have had this lie (that i'm inherently unloveable and undesirable) in my head since childhood #and i've worked SO HARD to shut that voice up. and it is so so hard to not believe it right now

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cranberrymoons · 3 months

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#currently on the worst road trip of my whole entire life! well. i don't want to jinx it lmao but #today i popped TWO TIRES at once in the middle of the Katy Freeway in Houston TX (the widest highway in the US; 26 lanes btw)#managed to make it over to the shoulder without DYING but then had to sit there for like an hour? and panic called a tow truck because duh #I know how to change a tire but I was – again – sitting on the shoulder of the widest freeway on the continent so #anyway I called a tow; a guy showed up. I assumed it was the tow! turned out it was not. but he helped me put on the spare and then was lik #“follow me to my shop I can do the tires for you” and I was like okay! 👍 but then the ACTUAL tow called me and I realized this was #just a random guy (very nice up to that point but then I got scared about following him to a secondary location?) and so I didn't lmao #I just kept driving and didn't follow him but the guy on the phone was then mad at me because I wasn't where I said I would be because #AGAIN – I thought the original guy WAS the tow company that I called? but anyway guy 2 on the phone was like “YOU OWE ME $200!!!!”#and I said for what? also how would I pay you? and he tried to get me to cash app him lmao?? I didn't. I hung up on him #he called me like 6 more times yelling at me until I finally just blocked his number 💀#however NOW at this point I'm driving on one spare tire and one rapidly-flattening second tire and I still have 3 hours left to get where #I was going for the night and to top it all off I'm in the middle of a city I've only been to one time before? so I manage to get to a hote #like a nice-ish one where I'm like “okay if I get stuck here this won't be the end of the world”#because keep in mind today is a national holiday so basically everything is closed!!!! btw!!!!!#but eventually I'm sitting there and it's literally 100F outside and I remember oh right lol I have car insurance which pays for a tow #(a normal one; not a random one I panic-found on google who calls me screaming at me to cash app him $200)#so anyway I call my insurance and the guy on the phone is very nice and is like “it's okay; we'll have someone to you in 45 min”#and I'm like okay. OKAY. 🙌💪 I am a strong independent woman who is figuring this out and no longer on the side of the highway #but instead in a nice calm neighborhood and all I have to do is wait 45 min and everything will be okay #one hour goes by. I call back. get redirected to the tow company that was dispatched. guy says oh! is my guy not there yet?#I say no. he says okay – I'll have him call you. hangs up.#okay. 20 more min go by. guy finally calls me. says “I'm 20-25 min away” at this point I've been waiting about an hour and a half #I say. okay? okay. 30 more minutes go by. I try to call the guy back. straight to voicemail. three more calls. three more no answers.#I call my insurance back. sit on hold for 15 min. eventually get put through to a different person who's like “okay let me check on him”#get put on hold. eventually she comes back and says “okay he says 15 minutes” I've been waiting over 2 hours at this point. I have to PEE #I just... burst into tears. on the phone with this poor random woman from Geico Insurance. I'm bawling my eyes out.#she was trying to get claim info from me but I'm crying so hard she's like “oh baby no. okay. okay. we can get that from you tomorrow.”#when you cry so hard that even the insurance company is like “you know what we're just going to let this one slide”#anyway guy eventually shows up. he's very nice even though I hate him a little for being so late. he drives me to an OPEN TIRE SHOP

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iamthepulta · 3 months

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The best thing about Italy and Europe is that linen just- exists here. I can go buy a shitty cheap 100% linen dress like I would go to Fry's and buy a shitty cheap 100% polyester dress in America. Absolutely revolutionary for my wardrobe. I can't actually buy wardrobe enhancements because I have a carry-on suitcase, but the fact I still have the option is amazing.

#I can't wear polyester because something about my sweat clings to the fibers. I can only wear >60% natural fibers. I've slowly been #weaning all poly out of my wardrobe. The restriction helps a lot preventing impulse buys; but here my impulse buy is only restricted by $$#i am absolutely not crying over the $350 linen women's suit jacket I saw :( UGH it was GORGEOUS and GREEN. I want a linen suit so bad #but honestly it's the kind of thing I should just spend a thousand on and get bespoke I think. It'd look better and feel classier #if you're spending that much money on a thick linen knit in the first place.#Okay tag essay: but can we talk about linen knit fabrics? I've seen so many beautiful linen weaves this weekend I'm losing my mind.#I think there was a kind of Tricot or Bird's Eye knit linen simple-curve dress that blew me away. The amount of work you can do with #two colors and a fashionable knit is insane. Then you wear a jacket over it and the linen is still light enough to wick away sweat but #heavy enough to look fashionable and stay flat. There's really this talented balance of texture that shines in linen. I love linen so much #Anyway! I should've made another post for this but none of these ramblings are important lol #I'm really tired after Anacapri. and dinner. Dinner was kind of dumb. There was confusion about what I wanted. We just wanted #appetizers to share but they gave me a whole plate of octopus. Which I feel bad about eating and don't like the texture after 10 bites.#So I had to give it to dad. Long story short I didn't want to eat anything at all; I wanted to WRITE. But I didn't write. I ate.#I'm already like 10 pounds heavier than when I left lmfao. It's starting to pack on my hips. Damn you Italy!#ptxt

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aubins · 4 hours

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⧼ ＊ ⧽　on aubin, his crest, and the fetters of dromi.

this post is mostly my personal masterlist on my meta and headcanons for any aubin, crest, and relic related lore. some of it i pull from evidence in canon, others i pull out of my ass. i do discuss some of the other apostles while talking about aubin, but any future ashen wolves musers are more than welcome to disagree with me. additionally, it's been a while since i've properly played through the fódlan games myself, so if there's lore i've misremembered here, do feel free to correct me on it!

three houses & hopes lore spoilers to follow under the cut.

*　who is aubin?

i've been working on this on and off for about four years now, so the old version of this section quite obviously dated this post with all its long-winded arguments about why aubin was the elder that saved yuri as a child because some people were quite adamant that he wasn't. now, it is comically short in comparison.

in case you didn't know, this silly little game called fire emblem warriors: three hopes has come out since then and made my life much easier. as seteth and yuri's support chain confirms:

Seteth: You always cursed the blood that flowed through you. But in the end, it saved that child's life. Seteth: It brings me great relief to know that you found salvation in your last moments. Aubin, my friend… Be at peace. 　— Fire Emblem Warriors: Three Hopes, Seteth & Yuri A-Support

the elder who saved yuri as a child was, in fact, aubin himself. he passes shortly after this from natural causes, which i'll touch on in more detail a bit later. the basic rundown of his character is this: aubin was one of the four apostles who participated in the rite of rising in an attempt to resurrect the goddess. after the ritual failed, he and his fellow apostles went into seclusion and their names were all but erased from history. their crests were similarly believed to have died with them; however, the four ashen wolves are later discovered to bear one of each of the apostles' crests. for yuri's part, he bears the crest of aubin.

*　the apostles' nabatean heritage.

another point of contention is whether or not the apostles are nabatean or human. the fandom wiki has them listed as human for some reason, even though this is not confirmed anywhere in the game as far as i am aware, and i know many believe that the apostles are first generation crest-bearers like the ten elites. personally, i am of the mind that they are nabateans, not humans.

the game refers to the four apostles as saints several times (in the opening narration of cindered shadows and in constance and edelgard's support chain), a title we've only really seen bestowed upon nabateans such as the four saints—cichol, cethleann, indech, and macuil—as well as seiros herself, of course.

(there is also a saint luca mentioned in a readable in three hopes; however, it is, to my knowledge, the only mention of them.)

additionally, we see for ourselves that aubin, at least, is able to transfuse his blood and crest into a human. as far as we know, this is something that can only be done by nabateans.

but there are two points i tend to see brought up as arguments for the apostles being human, so i wanted to quickly touch on them here.

　　›　THE FETTERS OF DROMI EXISTED DURING THE WAR OF HEROES.

this notion, i believe, comes from something that duke gerth says during constance and yuri's paralogue:

Duke Gerth: It's a priceless treasure that ended up in Dagda. After the truce, they sent it to us in friendship. 　> Why did Dagda have a Hero's Relic? Duke Gerth: One story holds that Saint Seiros subjugated the 10 Elites and the clans who followed them. Duke Gerth: There may have been a few clan elders who fled across the sea to escape suppression. 　— Fire Emblem: Three Houses, A Cursed Relic: After Battle

if we take this at face value, it means that the fetters of dromi existed during the time of the war of heroes (32-98). thus, the original nabatean bearing aubin blood would have to already be dead by this point. if this is true, it completely negates the idea of aubin being said original nabatean because he is very much still alive in 185 for the rite of rising.

i'm not exactly jumping to believe this story is actually true, though. the way duke gerth puts it, it's only one of several stories about how the relic arrived in dagda and not entirely reliable. if the fetters of dromi existed during the war of heroes, then it would have had a wielder: a human bearer of the crest that we're assuming is aubin. supposing the clan elder who followed aubin fled to dagda with the relic as duke gerth's story says, surely they would have known the value of the relic? never mind how they even took the relic from aubin to begin with. these were significant and powerful weapons and accessories used by the ten elites—if they managed to run away with one, surely they would have done their best to keep it for themselves, and then within their families after they passed.

but let's just say this important message got lost amongst the clan elder's descendants somewhere, so they see the fetters of dromi and decide it's a piece of junk they can get rid of. did the agarthans not know that the fetters of dromi were in dagda by this point? like surely there would have been some word that a group ran off with one of the relics when it first happened? it couldn't have been that hard for the agarthans to get it back if they knew it was there. they wouldn't have even had to contend with the church of seiros, because they didn't seem to know where the relic was either until it ended up in duke gerth's hands. so, word of the “marvelous, but benign treasure” in dagda just somehow didn't reach either parties' notice when they were well-aware of the missing relic?

suffice to say, i don't really buy duke gerth's story, and certainly not as hard evidence disproving the apostles being nabatean. for a relic to have been missing for so long with neither the agarthans nor the church seeming desperate to find it doesn't seem super realistic to me. to me, it seems more likely that the fetters of dromi were only newly created, and thus their disappearance only a recent concern.

　　›　AUBIN'S ELDERLY APPEARANCE & PASSING.

with the nabateans being a long-life species and the ones we see in canon still appearing quite youthful, i can understand where this sentiment comes from. unless aubin is just incredibly old in comparison to the likes of rhea, seteth, and flayn, he probably shouldn't be looking anywhere near old enough for yuri to be describing him as an elder when they meet.

for me to explain my take on this, let's talk about the rite of rising first.

In the Imperial year 185, the construction of Garreg Mach was completed. Saint Seiros held a sacred ritual to honor the occasion. Four saints, known as the Four Apostles, were led to a tranquil place to perform the ritual. They poured their holy essences into the Chalice of Beginnings—a gift from the goddess herself—in hopes of bringing about her second coming. Alas, the Rite of Rising failed… 　— Fire Emblem: Three Houses, Cindered Shadows: The Fourth House

the opening narration of cindered shadows describes the rite of rising as the four apostles “pouring their holy essences into the chalice.” while this is likely just a fancy way of saying they gave it their blood, i'm choosing to instead interpret this as the apostles having literally given up some of their essence or life force for the ritual. the sacrifice they made was more than just some blood, and whether the rite succeeded or failed, it was always going to take its toll. the fact that it did failed only exacerbated the consequences.

when the chalice absorbs both sitri and aelfric to create an umbral beast, rhea says that the same thing happened last time the rite of rising was performed. as the ritual was said to have been performed in a tranquil place, presumably away from any bystanders, the only people around to actually become the umbral beast would have been seiros herself, alongside the four apostles.

what mostly makes me hesitate to say this for certain is that the description of the final battle in cindered shadows describes aelfric as “forever lost, transformed into an umbral beast.” the four apostles were, obviously, not forever lost, considering the existence of all four ashen wolves bearing their crests.

perhaps the beast was subdued and the apostles were somehow reverted to their regular forms. or the chalice only absorbed the body they were using for the ritual to create the umbral beast, and that was what was forever lost upon its defeat. since i can't say either way with a hundred percent confidence, i'm just going to elect to put a pin in this particular idea for now.

whatever the case, the rite of rising took a significant and long lasting toll on the apostles well-being. as such, after the failure of the rite, all of them chose to vanish from the world. despite how important you would think an attempt to revive the goddess would be, what is remembered of them is that they journeyed to obscure corners of fódlan where they settled and all but disappeared from history.

you could say that this was them adhering to the fact that they were not meant to pass down their crests, and thus decided to find a place where they could simply fade into obscurity for the rest of their days. however, considering all of them end up passing down their crests anyway, i don't think this was their biggest point of consideration.

for aubin's case, this is what i attribute his older appearance to. the rite of rising quite literally stole his life and aged him significantly more than what would have been natural for nabateans. he goes into seclusion because he doesn't have the energy to do much else, having lost most of his strength. similarly, this i believe this lack of strength is also the reason that he dies shortly after saving yuri's life.

aubin is in awful shape when yuri and his mother take him in. i imagine he never truly recovered from the toll the rite of rising took on his body, leaving him quite worse for wear. saving yuri required expending a kind of power that he simply didn't have much left of, and was the final straw that ultimately led to his passing.

*　the crest of aubin.

honestly, i think the way i've described the crest of aubin's effects in narrative previously changed whenever it was convenient to me HAHA but in the interest of staying consistent from this point forward, let's refer to its in-game effects first.

A Crest long lost to history. Occasionally prevents enemy counterattacks when using a weapon. 　— Fire Emblem: Three Houses, Crest of Aubin Ability Description

30% chance chance to land a critical hit with strong attacks. 　— Fire Emblem Warriors: Three Hopes, Crest of Aubin Ability Description

three houses and three hopes are very different games when it comes to gameplay, so the crest's ability obviously changes between them. i'll pull from both versions for my purposes.

preventing enemy counterattacks doesn't really translate all that nicely into writing. i generally interpret this as increased agility. passively, yuri is already relatively light-footed and quick on his feet; when his crest activates this is increased to a superhuman degree. think dramatic cinematic shots of characters with super speed where the world slows around them. something like that for short periods of time.

crit chance is much easier to translate: his crest gives him increased strength. unlike his agility, this isn't also a passive thing. the strength only really activates when his crest does, otherwise he's just as strong as anyone else who works out on a relatively regular basis would be.

as aubin is the ice dragon, yuri has some level of resistance to cold. nothing that would really save his life if you threw him into a blizzard, but if the weather's a bit chilly, he'll still be able to walk out under-dressed for it and be fine. yuri doesn't think this is a crest thing, though, he just thinks he's more used to the cold as someone that grew up in faerghus.

unnaturally quick healing. this has no canon basis, it's just an idea that i like. yuri is very particular about his appearance and potential scarring considering his line of work, but considering all the trouble he gets into, saying that he's only ever gotten one scar in his whole life isn't all that realistic. magic blood making you heal fast isn't all that realistic either, but the two can just cancel each other out or something.

in a similar vein, he requires less rest than most people. considering the nature of his work, yuri is running around basically 24/7. if he rests, it's probably only for a few hours at most. guy's a control freak and incredibly restless—i don't know if he could ever really settle down comfortably for long enough to get a decent night's sleep, but he has to be able to be everywhere all at once without collapsing from exhaustion somehow.

　　›　YURI'S PROLONGED LIFESPAN.

i didn't realize this was a point of contention to some people until i started poking around more online, but i'm always happy to talk about yuri so let's dissect it. why not.

in non-crimson flower routes, yuri's ending with m!byleth says that the pair lives a very long life together:

[ ... ] Constantly at his side during that time was his husband, Yuri, whose policy proposals led, time and again, to better education and opportunities for the less fortunate. After working to ensure a bright and prosperous future for Fódlan, the couple stepped back from the public eye and vanished from official record. Curiously, informal notes and letters from friends suggest that the pair was extraordinarily long-lived and that their youth was untouched by the passage of time. 　— Fire Emblem: Three Houses, Byleth (Male) & Yuri Ending Card

i've seen people argue this is a byleth thing (as in byleth gave yuri a blood transfusion and that's why he's long-lived) which i personally doubt is true. mainly because f!byleth's ending doesn't mention a word of this and i don't see why it wouldn't if it truly was a byleth thing as opposed to a yuri thing.

i've also seen people argue that this can't be true because he is specifically mentioned to pass away in his ending with constance:

After the war, Constance devoted herself to her magical research. Her unorthodox methods allowed her to make great strides, which earned her acclaim and eventually enabled her to restore her noble house. Afterward, almost as if to spite her detractors, she married Yuri. The pair made a happy, if unconventional, couple, as the husband frequently ventured away for months on end. In the long years of their marriage, however, Constance laughed off any concerns—she was known to say that Yuri always knew how to find his way home. Many decades later, he passed away in bed alongside his beloved wife. 　— Fire Emblem: Three Houses, Constance & Yuri Ending Card

maybe they just lived their very long lives together? who knows how long ‘many decades’ really means, after all. except constance will likely just live a very normal crest-bearer lifespan. unlike yuri, she doesn't actually get her crest via blood transfusion. saint noa left to live the rest of her days in what would later become nuvelle territory and had children. constance's crest is inherited, passed down to her by bloodline.

Constance: Close to a thousand years ago, Saint Noa parted ways with Saint Seiros. She lived out her days in seclusion on what would become Nuvelle territory. Constance: Her children obscured their origins before serving the Empire. It wasn't long before they were ennobled. [...] Edelgard: Hmm… House Nuvelle was known for producing as few heirs as possible. Edelgard: It was also known for keeping its offspring "pure," mostly by disallowing marriage with other houses. 　— Fire Emblem: Three Houses, Constance & Edelgard B-Support

so if yuri's so long-lived, why do these two ending contradict each other? well, i don't really think they do. he dies in his ending with constance, yes, but we don't know what actually causes his death. i guess old age is the natural assumption for most people, but it never actually states that and we've already been given a different instance of him living for much longer than is natural for a human.

in the japanese version of their ending, the last sentence reads, “数十年後、その言葉を証明するかのように、ユーリスは寝台の上、愛した妻の傍らで病没したとされる。” to be clear, i don't speak a lick of japanese, so if any japanese speakers would like to tell me what this really says, i would forever be in your debt. but, you know, i squint at it anyway and see the character “病” and go :index_pointing_at_the_viewer: hey. hold on a second.

anyway, i checked the chinese text instead because it's the only other language the game's localized in that i can somewhat comprehend and what do you know? it says yuri dies of illness. so, you know. not old age.

at the same time, we know it's confirmed in lore that recipients of blood transfusions live longer lives.

To face this evil force, the goddess created a new well of power. She gifted certain chosen individuals with sacred blood, allowing them to wield mystical weapons, that they may prevail against the darkness. These souls, buoyed by their divine gifts, conquered the evil ones and drove them back to the north. They came to be known as Heroes. The Heroes experienced unnaturally long lives, persisting for hundreds of years. 　— Fire Emblem Warriors: Three Hopes, Book of Seiros II

if you want proof that isn't just a readable in a spin-off game, jeralt is also right there and at least three hundred years old to show for it. we know through several sources that first generation crest-bearers live very long lives—there's no reason to believe that the same wouldn't apply to yuri.

*　the fetters of dromi.

ah, hero's relic lore. how i adore you, horrifying as you are and all.

before we talk about it somehow ending up in dagda, let's just talk about the relic itself. in case you haven't seen it, the fetters of dromi are effectively hand, finger, and wrist bones bound together by what looks like some cloth, chains, and rings.

once again, i'll pull up its in-game effects for reference:

Grants +1 Movement and Canto when equipped. Grants Pavise and Aegis to units with the Crest of Aubin when equipped. 　— Fire Emblem: Three Houses, Fetters of Dromi Description

+6 Speed. Grants Earthshrinker to user. Grants Pavise and Aegis to units with the Crest of Aubin when equipped. 　— Fire Emblem Warriors: Three Hopes, Fetters of Dromi (Unleashed) Description

Enables 【Canto (２)】. At start of turn, unit can move 1 extra space (that turn only; does not stack). After start-of-turn skills trigger, if 【Stall】 is active on unit, neutralizes the "unit can move 1 extra space" effect of this skill. Inflicts Atk/Spd/Def/Res-4 on foes within 2 spaces of unit during combat. 　— Fire Emblem Heroes, Fetters of Dromi Description

unlike the crest of aubin, the fetters of dromi's effects are relatively consistent across its different iterations. it gives the user canto, increased movement, and pavise and aegis.

the fetters of dromi's purpose is primarily to amplify the crest of aubin's effects.

increased movement and canto similarly just translate into increased agility again, improved from its passive effect when yuri isn't actively using the fetters. it will take a lot for him to feel exhausted while wearing the fetters of dromi, but if he overextends himself, it'll still hit him the moment he takes the relic off.

similarly related to the crest allowing yuri to persist on less rest, the fetters of dromi allows him to take more hits and sustain more damage. he still gets hurt, of course, but he feels it less than he would without the relic. as with the previous point, when he takes them off, the weight of his injuries will still hit him as they normally would unless he had them healed beforehand.

　　›　HOW DID IT END UP IN DAGDA?

let's establish a timeline for its creation first.

the illness yuri contracts as a child is specifically the plague that was going around faerghus. according to sylvain, this plague happened almost 20 years ago, and according to yuri, he caught it when he was really young. excellent measures of time, the both of you.

i tend to place yuri as having been four when he caught it. since aubin passed shortly after curing him, he would have died vaguely around 1164-1165. the fetters of dromi would have made it to dagda by 1175 at the latest, since that's when the dagda and brigid war took place, and they would've had to have it by then to send it over after the truce. the fetters of dromi were likely made sometime between 1165-1175, then.

but how did the agarthans find out that aubin was dead? yuri ends up in adrestia sometime during this ten year period when the fetters of dromi could have been made. considering the agarthan presence in the empire, i suppose the most likely scenario is that they somehow discovered this random kid with the crest of aubin and decided to investigate further. this eventually led them to yuri's hometown, from which it wouldn't have been difficult to learn from the townsfolk of the story of a strange man who came by a few years ago, saved a child's life with some red liquid, then passed shortly after.

from there, they dig up the body, take the bones and crest stone, then craft the fetters of dromi. as for how it ended up in dagda...um. you know, i'd love to find this out myself HAHA but i can't even conceive a situation for what happened here. i guess they lost it somehow? a bit silly but it had to get there in some way.

　　›　MISCELLANEOUS.

a relic like the fetters of dromi is too new and obscure to have any heavy history or mythology behind it. but there are still some tales—tall and false ones, certainly—like the story of the fetters that reached duke gerth's ears.

some say it is the hand of a master swordsman, cut off in battle and preserved afterward. whoever has the courage to wear it upon the back of their own will find their sword always strikes true. others believe that the relic is a sign that the heroes of history still walk among them, waiting for the day they must once again take up arms to fight for fódlan.

and some still believe that it is both a warning and a curse. that should you hear tell of it, you'll have to lock your home up tight and light a blazing fire, for merciless winter storms are sure to follow.

yuri doesn't believe any of the stories. but what he does know is that sometimes, when he finds himself so lost in his own head that the real world vanishes, bone so often cold to the touch will warm without him calling upon its power, reminding him to return to earth.

sometimes, when he overexerts himself in the midst of battle, the activated relic's steady warmth instead turns searing like a scolding to mind himself. it tightens faintly over the back of his hand like the one that had gently guided him when he first learned his letters, now guiding the swing of a blade rather than the stroke of a pen.

but it is, in the end, just a hero's relic. so it must be his mind playing tricks.

#.𖥔 ݁ ˖　﹙　life goes more smoothly without a heart .　—meta & hc.　﹚#IT'S FINISHED I'M FREE #there might be typos in this please do not perceive them if so #this has literally been in my drafts for years it's not even funny #finally clocking it in at roughly 4k ish words though...jesus christ #the power of ‘i don't want to look at this paper i'm writing for uni anymore’ that fuels me to write far more for fire emblem meta LMFAO #i have a few other miscellaneous thoughts on the rite of rising & aubin's life after it failed #but those are mostly headcanons so i didn't feel like they fit here #if i've mistaken some lore here please don't tell me i'll actually cry #(/j please do actually tell me i will want to rethink and correct it)#anyway yeagh :crunchy: if someone reads all this i'm so sorry but thanks for sticking around HAHA

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