#I encourage you to transition if you'd like and live your best life I really do. but please please please do so SAFELY.

[not-gray-politics]

Trans women. I'm grabbing you by the shoulders and yelling. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BE SKINNY TO BE FEMININE AND PRETTY AND CUTE. PLEASE STOP MAKING DIETS PART OF YOUR TRANSITION GOALS. WEIGHT LOSS IS A SCAM. I LOVE YOU. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELVES. YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL.

[pliablehead]

DO YOU BELIEVE IN THE PRESERVATION OF PHYSICAL MEDIA? DO YOU WANT TO HELP MY 93-YEAR-OLD GRANDPA?

(cw for deaths in the family)

My grandfather has until the end of this calendar year to move out of the house he's lived in for my whole adult life. While he's been living here, he's lost his wife, his son (my dad), and his oldest daughter, each of whom was living in this home with him at their time of death. The house is way too big and old and nasty for one nonagenarian, so we're honestly glad he's getting bumped somewhere else, but what this means is that all the accumulated STUFF of four people is in this house, and he absolutely cannot take it all with him when he moves into his new tiny apartment for one.

A piece of this project I have taken on is trying to help get rid of three HUGE boxes worth of DVDs. I know not a lot of people have DVD players anymore, but I also know that a lot of people here on the internet (myself included!!) are really passionate about media preservation in an age when Netflix and other streamer services can just remove your favorite programming at the drop of a hat and there's nothing you can do about it. I would REALLY love to send these DVDs to people who care about them rather than just trying to offload them at a media resale store or something. Everything is pay what you want, although I'd love if you'd at least cover shipping (though it's honestly fine if you can't), and ideally I will be giving anything I make back to my grandpa to help him with the transition into this new living situation.

>>CLICK HERE FOR A LIST OF ALL THE FUN DVDS FOR SALE<<

** IMPORTANT NOTE TO KEEP IN MIND: Any titles marked with an asterisk are NOT official, commercially released DVDs, but are burned DVD-R copies made by my dad (an obsessive collector/tinkerer who in hindsight was so incredibly neurodivergent). They're still all in nice cases with legit-looking paper inserts that he made and everything.

This list includes things like: a lot of BBC or PBS public programming, classic films from before 1970, war movies, huge chunks of Monty Python, random sci-fi and horror offerings, and much more! If you or anyone you may know is at ALL interested, I encourage you to reach out, or to please at least share to a wider audience, and I will do my best to stay on top of people's requests, ship them out promptly, and keep the gdoc list up to date when things go! Thank you so much for helping me and my Pappap out! ♥

EDIT TO ADD: I am from the continental US, as are, I imagine, the majority of these DVDs. I am happy to ship internationally if I can be reimbursed for shipping, but I cannot guarantee the DVDs will play in another region.

~

OCTOBER 21 UPDATE: Visited again this week and picked up EVEN MORE DVDs! List in the original GDoc has been expanded to include the rest of the haul. Maybe take a second look if you were on the fence at first!

[changelingscribbles]

I got a question about the Ian being haunted Au, is Jack in love with the mc too, due to the fact he and Ian are connected in some way?? Just wondering, I LIVE for your art. Bye!

Thank you! So in the Possess-Ian AU, I like to imagine the game plan goes like this: 1 - Ian gets the Sunny Day Jack VHS, gets himself haunted, and finds himself with a New Best Friend who Only Wants What's Best For Him. 2 - Jack's plan at first is to play the long game: Help Ian get famous then possess Ian and get back to living his life of stardom - because he can chalk any change in personality down to 'method acting' or the 'fame lifestyle' if anyone questions it once he's already famous. 3 - Jack is there as Ian's trying desperately to reconnect with MC, and, since he's posing as his Best Friend, he's got a front row seat to everything Ian claims about how great MC is and how dumb he was for doing what he did. Since they've got a mental connection, Jack probably DOES feel a little in love already due to knowing those memories and thoughts - love by proxy. In this AU, he's probably the one encouraging Ian to make the big brash decision to go leave everything behind to find MC and apologise in person. 4 - Upon meeting MC in person (through Ian, because since MC's not haunted this time they don't know about Jack), Jack has a MASSIVE change of plans. The fame can wait a while longer, he needs that physical form to be with MC absolutely immediately. So he starts with the changes, little things that'll make the eventual possession a little smoother in transition - dye your hair, supernova, we'll match, it'll be a blast! You can wear something a little brighter every now and then, right? We should really start hitting the gym more, for MC, right? Tell MC you think they're peachy keen - you'd never say that? C'mooon, you totally would! 5 - The eventual possession takes place. Ian becomes Jack full time, and because of all the changes, nobody really gets too suspicious. That's just him now - people change all the time, it's not a big deal...right?

[intimidating-fettuccine]

My request probably wasn’t clear-

So pretty much, Toby, Helen, and hobo (separate) with a trans male s/o? Like them probably finding out when reader doesn’t have a binder or found old pictures of them before transitioning?

and again mainly just sfw if that works!!!

I did end up leaving this ambiguous so it could also be read by any trans women out there. I don't often see a lot of content on the matter so I just try to do my best to make some good content that can be comforting for everyone.

Toby:

Toby definitely would have preferred to have had you tell him that verbally rather than him discovering it by himself as he almost feels like he invaded your privacy, but he also understands for some people coming out and being open about things like that can be difficult, so he accepts it pretty easily, because after all you're still the same person he fell in love with, and something like that doesn't matter to him. Toby has a flexible mindset with genders anyway, including his own, so he's absolutely proud to be dating you, someone that was able to transition and truly know what was right for them. Toby doesn't love you for whatever physical traits you have or don't have, he loves you for that gorgeous heart of yours, and he's fully, absolutely going to be as supportive of you as he physically can. He'll do whatever it takes to make you feel comfortable and happy because that's what you deserve to feel.

Helen:

He's a bit shook at first, but he relaxes back into it quite easily. In his opinion, it is your body and your life, and so you should be able to be free to live however you want, as whatever gender is most natural to you, it doesn't change the way he sees you in the slightest bit. He doesn't do it often, but every now and then he might ask you some questions about yourself, about your transitioning stages, and your time spent figuring yourself out. He never presses, as he knows speaking about topics like that can be upsetting for some people depending on their situations, he just wants to be able to fully understand and know you. Helen is just mostly glad that you feel comfortable enough to be out and be yourself, because you're the person he fell in love with, regardless of whatever gender is the correct one for you, he loves you for who you are inside, and he's happy to provide support for you. 

Hobo:

Finds this new discovery to be interesting! He's immediately curious about the situation, assuming you're open to talking about it, and as he constantly tries to learn more about you, it would really mean a lot to him if you'd be open to speaking about it. About when you started to realize you'd like to transition, what your transitioning period was like, if you had any struggles with yourself and those around you, and if you did have any struggles he is so supportive and comforting throughout the entire conversation. He's so incredibly proud of you for being able to transition and be the person you were born to be. He also asks if there are any other ways he can better support you, as he wants to be able to encourage and support you and your community, even if he isn't quite as knowledgeable about all of that stuff due to his isolation from people, so please feel free to educate him if you'd like to. 

[slugworthless]

Am I ok? I’m not sure. I feel my mind has been breaking, and this comes not just from the relationship, but from so much regret and pain. I’ve begun to see a therapist to try and work through my issues. I’ve begun talking about my trauma and working with the therapist in order to not only better my social skills but to also better my own internal dialogue and understanding. Tbh the past year has been another dark night of the soul for me. I’m lost and confused. I don’t know if I’m at fault, if I was abused, or if If I was the abuser. I've not been a nice person, and I'm beginning to understand that beneath myself lies hurt, anger, and fear. It has boiled over, and, in times of stress, it rises even further to the surface.

You've not always been on my mind, but I often found myself thinking of you as well. In times of distress, when it felt like no one could understand the inner me, you'd reappear. Just random days, Id wonder how you were, and if your life was going well. I didn't want to interfere with your life anymore. I didn't want to hide from Sam and cause you trouble. I was trying to be where I was and be the best that I could be, but I found myself trapped. Things are getting better, now, though. I'm still alive. I'm still here, and while that is the case, I've realized that it's up to me to make this life something that I can be happy with.

I feel as if I hold myself back from the world; afraid of people and their interactions; afraid of their perception of me; afraid of more pain that might arise. I'll tell you the story, and I'll tell you all of it. I won't hold anything back, and you can be the judge of my character and what transpired. There's still so many things I'm unsure on.

It all began back in November. You had encouraged me to find someone else to experiment and enjoy with. I began talking to this individual to find a fwb. I was still living with my ex-wife at the time. I had stumbled upon you, and I was so sure that we had found something special. I remember that I wanted to give you the Dolores Claiborne book, but I couldn't find my own copy. I searched my parents' house the day of our meeting, but couldn't find it. I stopped at a bookstore ran by an elderly woman who seemed to love books. She charged $5 for that copy, which I ended up gifting to you. I was so excited. Unfortunately, I hadn't realized how the day had went on your end. I didn't realize any of it. I got the room, and had been watching Steven Universe. You arrived while I was in the bathroom, but I had the phone still playing that show, so I ran to pause it before opening the door. I didn't want to make a bad impression. You know the rest of what transpired. That night, as I was heading home, she texted, asking how I had been. I ended up meeting up and fucking her, in my state. Was it a rebound? I was pretty upset over everything, so I tried to escape and forget. We had stopped talking, and I just met up with her and we fucked. That happened alot. Over time, I had decided to just stop bothering you. I cut ties. I didn't want to keep hurting over you. I focused on her. She was sweet. She had a lot going on in her life. I tried to be understanding of everything. She was in an abusive relationship. She told me that her kids had been taken away by DCS because of that man. He called DCS after convincing her to bring them to his residence. He'd watch them because they had just split up. She was transitioning and trying to move. He lived in a place without electricity.

Well, they took them away from her. She lost everything. She was trying to do her best. Honestly, the environment and people that I have met and seen have been really bad. I've had my life threatened countless times. I was dragged into the underbelly of drug addicts. I've been exposed to these kinds of people, now. I've seen the nastiness that humans can exhibit.

I bought a second car. I had everything sorted out. I gave her the car to use in order for her to get her life on track. She would make the payments on it. I installed a tracker on the car, in order to be able to get it, should the need arise. I began noticing odd behaviors. Her driving to certain places at night. Erratic behavior and the like. She told me that she used to be on drugs, but now she was just delivering it for people, as a form of employment.

Over time, I kept asking her to forsake that life. There was too much at stake to keep going down that path. I wanted to see her succeed. I wanted to be supportive. We weren't anything serious. Tbh, I had rationalized the car, as an investment to have a second one. One day, she was talking about a number that kept texting her, so I asked her for it, and texted them, unbeknownst to her. It turned out, it was someone she had met on a dating app. I confronted her about it, and she said she used them to find "stuff" for people. This back and forth happened for so long. My trust began to fade and I became more critical. I began watching her. I began to see if she was up to anything. She would disappear. She would turn off the trackers. She would get defensive if I brought anything up, and would begin to attack me; bringing up my own shortcomings that she had problems with. I fell for it all. I became angrier and angrier over time. I eventually took the cat back, and that's when things came out that she was on meth. She didn't deliver anything. She was going to buy it for herself.

From there, we continued to fight off and on. I was constantly under scrutiny. We gave each other access to our Googles. She combed through mine with a fine-tooth comb, which made me do the same to hers. I was manipulated. That's how it felt. Gaslighted. I was told that I talked to her like she wasn't a person. I would get so incredibly angry. I couldn't handle it. I would talk to her very negatively. I would tell her that she won't get her kids back like this. She needed to work and get money. She needed to help me pay for the car. I called her a burden, so she went back to dating apps. I kicked her out in July. I felt bad though, she needed a car. She had nothing without me. I would ruin her life if I had canceled everything.

I brought her back, and she wanted to know what I wanted. Were we together? What was she to me? I didn't want to think about it. I was afraid of who she was at this point. I didn't want to ruin someone's life, but she constantly put pressure on me. She constantly made me come back to reality to figure it out. We have screamed at each other. We have fought and fought, and I hate it. I can't handle these things. I'm traumatized from my childhood. Anger leads to depression for me. I did become severely depressed. She lied to me about her addictions after that. She said she had quit. Her court case with DCS was still ongoing. She eventually went to jail, and I was left alone. The day she went, I had confronted her about everything and told her that she didn't love me. I was being used by her. Nothing made sense. Existence had become a daily sense of anxiety. I've cried, broken walls in anger, and said so many hurtful things. I've made her cry from those words more than once. I went two weeks without her, and when she was released we talked about making things better. I had tried to find answers in introspection. I had never been in such a stressful environment. Never a moment of peace. However, while she was gone, I became incredibly lonely; smoking weed daily to try and numb my mind and pain.

It's always been over the same things; her talking to other guys, and her disappearing and being dishonest. Communication is crucial. Trust is crucial. I had neither. My trust had vanished. I became almost paranoid. Last week, she went to her mother's house to see her nephew, while I was working at the house. It had been a full day, and I tried calling her, but she ignored my calls for 2 hours. It was getting late. She had been talking to me that day on what I was doing wrong for everything. I felt like I truly was the one at fault, but I was confused too because I wasn't truly sure if I was at fault. I was explaining how I was trying to make things better by working on myself. After 2 hours of not answering my calls, I went to her mom's. I knew she was there. It was 1020, and I had to be up at 6am. I pulled in and saw her in the car with a man eating her out. That was the moment. I snapped. I cut all 4 yores to that car. I had it towed to my house. I left her stranded at her mom's. I told her mom what happened. She was on probation for 2 years. She had a job. I cut all ties and then she had nothing. I have no plans of getting back with her. She needs the car so I have her cleaning my house rn. I'm traveling around for Thanksgiving. I've spent the past few days talking shit to her. She needs the car. It's her only way to keep from going to jail for two years. I'm still angry, but she doesn't control me anymore. I've made it clear that we're not together. I brought her back to clean my house because the dogs are too much. She's on her own. I'm making her pay to replace all the tires, then we'll figure out a contract or something for the car. Idk.

[whitewolfofwinterfell]

You know you're getting more asks from me since I'm obsessed with the eloquence and insight of your answers ;) A Stelena one: what do you see as their commonalities and their main (and hopefully complementary) differences? What are your five or so favorite Stelena scenes of the series? And other than wishing they had stayed together and were endgame, what's one thing you'd have wanted to see more of or less of from their relationship?!

Well, I’m always up for answering asks, so thank you for sending them in! 

To answer your first question about Stefan and Elena’s similarities, they share a lot which bring them together. They’re both incredibly emotional people; they’re sensitive and feel things deeply. This is why they both struggled to adjust as vampires, because the heightened emotions they felt overwhelmed them. In fact, as vampires they were very similar in regards to their loss of control when feeding, the depression, the ruthlessness when they had no humanity and keeping trophies from their victims. They’re particularly attuned to the emotions of others and this is the foundation for their compassion. Whilst Damon’s instinct was to kill Caroline when she first turned because she was an “inconvinience”, Stefan and Elena never once considered that and devoted themselves to helping her. Similarly, despite Damon’s actions (particularly in the early seasons), neither of them ever gave up on him and were able to sympathise with him even when he did something unforgivable. 

Their sensitivity also leads them to have another commonality: writing in journals. This is all part of the way they express themselves and process their thoughts and emotions in a healthy way. But the journals are about more than this; they’re a manifestation of the loneliness they feel. In season 1, Elena feels incredibly isolated following the deaths of her parents. Likewise, Stefan feels lonely as a vampire who is unable to connect with humans but doesn’t fit in the supernatural world either due to him not feeding on humans. So in addition to them both being emotional people, the emotions they experienced were very similar. This is what brought them together in season 1, because they had a spiritual connection and understanding that stemmed from them both feeling alone and like they don’t belong. 

Stefan and Elena also have the same moral compass and operate on the same wave length. Their priority is always to care for those around them and to act on compassion and forgiveness. They repeatedly show forgiveness and mercy to those that wrong them and their calling to help people was why Stefan wanted to be a doctor and why Elena actually became a doctor. They also share the same philosphy in regards to how they live their lives. Despite there being constant drama in Mystic Falls and danger lurking right around the corner they both believe in the importance of living in the moment and appreciating what they have in the present. 

Intellectually, they were also on the same level which we saw hints of from their exchange of books, the way they expressed themselves in their journals and interest in medicine. They also wanted the same from their life - to be human, to have a family, to be doctors. Their visions for their ideal future perfectly aligned and so in this way they also understood each other. 

As for their differences, their main one is that Elena is much more extroverted than Stefan. She’s more sociable and likes to go out and party, dance and have fun. In comparison, Stefan is much more introverted and although he’s able to socialise without any problems, he’s far from being a social butterfly. Of course, in this respect they compliment each other because Elena is able to bring Stefan out of his shell and enable him to be himself in a safe environment.

I would also say that Stefan is a darker character than Elena. Elena is certainly not a saint and she struggles to adjust to being a vampire but Stefan struggles with his darker impulses a lot more than Elena does. Whilst Elena is able to get control over her urges and impulses by the end of season 4, for Stefan it’s an ongoing struggle. I really put that down to the fact that Stefan is so much older than Elena and has endured hurt and had experiences that are so deeply embedded in him and that impact everything he thinks and feels as well as how he behaves. Even in this way though, they compliment each other because Elena is Stefan’s anchor, the tether to his humanity and what keeps him grounded. Whenever he loses control or is struggling to keep a handle on things, she’s there to act as his voice of reason and to remind him of who he truly is. 

Choosing just 5 favourite scenes is impossibly difficult because I love so many but some of my favourites are: 

3x14

I just love the angst in this scene. How Elena is going to let him leave but then catches the door just before it closes because she can’t watch him leave without saying what needs to be said. I love what she says to him and how she challenges the way in which he’s shut her and everybody out. This is Elena knowing Stefan better than anyone; seeing through the facade and knowing that no matter how indifferent he acts or how hard he pushes her away underneath it all he still cares and he still feels just as deeply as she does. I love how at first Stefan tells her to stop because he can’t handle facing up to these emotions but how he breaks down and admits how much he hates himself for the way in which he hurt her. I love the way physical touch is used; how she uses her hands to encourage him to meet her eyes but he resists because he’s too ashamed to look at her. And I love the final line “If I let myself care all I feel is pain”, because it needs to be said and now Elena can finally understand why he has been behaving the way he has. 

3x20

I love everything about this scene. Not only do they both look gorgeous, but it’s so sweet, tender, romantic, sentimental, reminiscent and pure. It’s two people that have a complex history, that have been through hell and ripped apart, coming back together and falling in love all over again. You can sense how nervous and giddy they are and how taken they are by each other. There’s a clear spark and for tonight they can forget about all of the crap they’ve been through and enjoy being together. They compliment each other, Stefan gives her a token of his love and they have a little bit of banter with the whole “Some guy I dated said it once or twice” and don’t even get me started at the way they look at each other in this scene. Definition of heart eyes.

4x01

This scene encompasses everything I love about Stefan and Elena. Elena is about to die, but she’s so selfless and loves Stefan so much that she wants to give him hope that they could find a way to save her without her having to complete the transition. They can’t even see each other, but the power of their words is what makes this scene. Elena loves Stefan so much that she died making her way back to him and right here she’s telling him that she doesn’t regret that because she loves him so much and it will always be the best choice she’s ever made. You really can’t get more true love than that.

2x11

There are three words of dialogue in this scene “Elena, hey” and “Hi”, yet this scene is so bloody powerful. The sheer relief in Elena’s face and the way she throws herself into Stefan’s arms, how he holds her close and breathes her in, the way they cup each others faces and gaze at each other so adoringly. You can see in that one look that they are each others light, they actually glow. Their kiss is passionate and filled with emotion, the way they collapse onto the bed and the perspective shifts so that we’re looking in through the window at this private moment as Elena constantly pulls Stefan closer and they kiss more fiercely. I honestly love this entire scene and will never get tired of it.

2x05

Once again, this scene is one of those that encompasses everything I love about Stefan and Elena. They’re a team and they’re united. Elena knows better than anyone the struggles Stefan has with his bloodlust and she also knows that he needs his strength now more than ever. And she trusts him and is devoted to him so much that she willingly offers him her blood. Blood sharing, as we all know, is intimate and personal and it binds them together in an extremely profound way. Her simple statement, “It’s you and me, Stefan. Always” is the perfect dialogue for this specific moment because it’s the two of them becoming one. After Stefan has feed from her, the way Elena looks at his vampire face and how she leans in to kiss him, completely accepting and showing him how much she loves him. It gives me all the feels. 

2x18

This is one of the most underrated Stelena scenes and I love it so much. After everything they go through in season 3 this is a completely honest and unfiltered conversation where they finally say all of the things they’ve been wanting and needing to say. I just love that dialogue “I never stopped loving you”, “I know that. I know you didn’t, even though I did everything possible to push you away”. It’s so honest and it’s so simple but effective. And I think it’s so powerful that Stefan is so attuned to Elena and so sure of their love that he doesn’t even doubt that she loves him. He knows that she loves him and he never stopped, but he admits that he also knows he has done so much wrong and that he probably isn’t deserving of that love. I also love that he isn’t afraid to confront her about Damon and acknowledge her feelings for him. He could easily ignore it, but he doesn’t, he faces up to it but he reassures Elena that regardless of how he feels he loves her and he will always love her. It’s such a powerful and understated scene. It reaffirms how much they love each other despite everything they’ve been through and it’s not over the top or in your face, it’s real. 

I could choose so many more, but since that’s 6, I’ll leave it there. 

[justamomandakeyboard]

Hi, I was just wondering if in your decision to put your son in ABA therapy you'd encountered any of the writings by autistic people who've been through it? It's a huge, huge thing to do, and the thoughts of those who've experienced it first hand are always valuable. As is the perspective of developmental psychologists - it's not as well thought of as the people selling it tend to claim.

Hey!

So, yes, ABA has gotten a bad rap, and it is fairly well deserved. I can entirely understand why you would wonder whether or not it is the right choice for any child. Here is our story regarding it:

I will admit that, when it was first presented to us over two years ago, it was on the advice of our Early Interventionist that we agreed to give it a try. I, at the time, knew absolutely nothing about it, but was encouraged by the other parents of autistic children that it helped. So we did. Mr. G was visited two or three times a week by a therapist in his daycare, and it progressed from there.

Now, after this began, I did some digging. Because Mr. G is a mostly non-verbal five year old, I need to be as well-informed as I can be on his behalf to help make the best decisions I can for his future until he is able to make those decisions himself. In my digging, I encountered several pieces of information that gave me concern. Such as physically punishing children for not meeting their goals. Forcing them to sit and follow through instructions, even regardless of whether they had soiled their pants, until a set was complete. Incredibly harsh training regimes and making stimming something to be ashamed of. I was not OK with any of that. That, without a doubt, is abuse and should not be tolerated anywhere, ever. 

So, I had a meeting with Mr. G’s case manager, and with his preschool teachers. The case manager agreed that, yes, that used to be the way for some programs, but that the methods used in Mr. G’s program were the best parts of the ABA philosophy (and there were good things in it) and a mix of speech, physical and occupational therapy techniques based upon each child’s needs. Each program was tailored to the goals set for each individual child, and the goals were not intended to make the child ‘normal’ but to help them achieve independence through skills and knowledge. The daycare teachers (one of whom I had known before Mr. G was even born) assured me that they had never seen the therapist do anything that they would consider out of bounds with his work, and that they would have spoken up immediately if they had. 

Because Mr. G entered the local school system’s PreK program a few months later, I shifted all his ABA sessions to our home to observe for myself. My son loved his therapist at the time, and was always excited for her to come. He would work for short periods, and then have long periods of free play. During the play time the therapist might try to work in small pieces of his goals (color identification, counting objects, etc) if were appropriate, but if Mr. G wasn’t feeling it, they would drop it and let him do his thing. She was firm with him, as you need to be with any child, but always respectful of him as a person with feelings and opinions of his own. Bad days were taken into consideration, and if the work didn’t happen because Mr. G needed cuddles or down time because the world was a little too much for him that day, it was fine. No one got in trouble, and the therapist really had the freedom to make calls about his progress and his programs based upon his needs and our conversations. I am 100% involved and included in all such discussions, and nothing is changed without my consent.

It is because of this transparency, and some family medical emergencies, that I allowed them to transition him to the clinic the following summer. The clinic is very open, and while you can’t just walk in at any time to observe (privacy for the other children) everything is done in group areas where the children can play and interact with one another when not working in their sessions. Mr. G has learned a great deal so far working in this program, and for as long as he continues to do so with no negative consequences to his mental, physical or emotional health, I will probably continue to utilize this program. 

Now, it is an unfortunate truth that in any situation where you give one person power over another abuse can happen. This is true in schools, daycare, homes, hospitals, nursing facilities, therapy clinics, religious organizations. It can happen, and it has in the past. And because Mr. G is mostly non-verbal and doesn’t respond just like everyone else to situations that could be considered abusive, I do my best to be observant. To watch for signs that all isn’t well. I check for marks where he shouldn’t have any on a regular basis, and if I find one I ask questions and I document everything. I watch his behavior towards the people he interacts with and places he goes, because I have made deciphering my kid’s wants and needs a priority and if he doesn’t want to do something I question why. Is it the environment or the people? I figure it out, and we make changes. Is this a guarantee that someday, I won’t miss something? No. It isn’t. But I can’t keep Mr. G locked in his room away from the world because of fear of what might be. That isn’t a life, and I want him to live. I want him to be everything and anything he can be, and that means trusting people who I believe care about and wish for my son’s success as much as I do. 

Please also don’t think I’m saying this program is perfect for everyone all the time. No program is. The basics that should be a part of every program are there: transparency, parent involvement, respect for the children, etc. But that doesn’t mean it’s for everyone. Or that it will always be for Mr. G. And as I mentioned before, not everyone involved has been perfect. That’s going to happen no matter where you go and who you see. Doctors, teachers, lawyers, policemen dentists, name a profession and you’re going to find the bad with the good and the good with the bad. But at this time, it meets my son’s needs and helps him learn new skills in a safe, caring environment with people who genuinely want him to succeed. 

I completely agree with you that the thoughts and experiences of those who have gone before are valuable, and so I have. But the programs have changed, drastically for the better. People have listened to those who have gone before, and seen the problems and errors in their ways. And it’s to the point that I’m not really sure you could even call what my son does ABA therapy. It has bits and pieces of the original in it. The good ones. But the majority is a different animal all together, and I think it’s the right place for Mr. G to be at this time. 

Thanks for the question,

~justamomandakeyboard