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remakethestars · 4 years

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RAVENCLAW 💙🦅🤎

Headcanons.

❝Even in the blackness, light can be found. My enemy can be outsmarted.❞

— Alex Hirsch, Journal 3

This is my house, y'all; buckle up!

Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, & Slytherin. Headcanon masterlist.

The door'll let you in for witty responses.

We prop it open during exam season, when everyone's coming back from dinner, on party nights, & when no one can solve the riddle.

Questions become more difficult to answer after curfew.

Everyone waits outside & pretends not to know first night until the first-years figure it out.

Today's riddle & answer posted on the back of the door every morning; check before you leave just in case.

Sometimes you find the prefects debating over what the answer is; no one leaves the common room until someone's figured it out, so sometimes, the entirety of Ravenclaw is late to breakfast.

Again, if we absolutely can’t, we’ll prop it open.

If the door’s propped open and you remove the prop, we’ll use the guillotine on you.

Everyone has at least one hill to die on.

There's a podium by the fireplace with a record book on it of all the books in Ravenclaw's library that you can ask for help finding books from (pages flip in their own).

If you’re in a reading slump, describe what you're looking for; we've probably got it!

If you don't like writing & highlighting in the books, it'll disappear while you have it, but everyone's free to mark in them.

So good at reading their own messy notes and the notes their friends wrote they can read a doctor's handwriting.

And there are notes everywhere. As organized as some Raveclaws wish they could be, you can't make notebooks & journals as organized as Google Doc & Word documents. Unless, ya know … someone made a spell for that — hold on, I gotta write that down!

Professors find notes — ideas for spells & potions — on the back of homework & tests. More knowledgeable teachers will add their ideas or advice before handing it back.

Everyone leaves a copy of their favorite book with annotations before they leave seventh year.

There's a coffee/tea cart in the common room.

Hallways to the dorms are covered in graffiti from students long passed.

Dorms branch off based on your year.

Girls can walk into the boy's dorms & vice versa.

All rooms are extended for more space.

Beds are built into the wall like window seats & have bookshelves where the head and footboards should be.

Dark blue curtains can be drawn shut if you're feeling introverted.

Trunks go under the bed, so they're kinda high off the ground.

Cast an extension charm if you’re claustrophobic.

At the end of every year, everyone congregates in the common room, someone casts glisseo on the stairs to Ravenclaw tower, & everyone slides their trunks down (it's called "the trunk shoving").

No one gives a single sh¡t about house points.

Ravenclaw’s are always blowing something up & losing points.

Dramatic about stubbing their toe, but super casual about ending up in the hospital wing because they "wanted to test a hypothesis."

If you have a question or don't understand something, ask it loudly in the common room; someone will undoubtedly answer or direct you to another who can.

Just don't use bad grammar, or sixteen people will correct you in unison. 😅

Learn (a) new language(s) in the common room 20:00–21:00 Mon.–Fri.

Tutoring sessions are in the common room at 21:00–22:00 Mon.–Fri. Or ask for private lessons to work around your schedule.

If a particular teacher's sh¡t, we host a class in the common room after dinner.

Also, there're just classes for random stuff: art, budgeting, codes & code-breaking, cooking, dancing, darning, fencing, ice skating (in the winter months), knot tying, lock picking, makeup, Morse code, muggle martial arts, sewing…

First years are all offered a class on note taking.

A lot of us do our homework on Friday night so we don't have to worry about it all weekend, so there're no party activities tonight, but you can play a muggle board game if you want.

Karaoke on Saturday nights.

Dungeons & Dragons on Sunday nights.

D&D’s swapped out for a play once a month; screw the theater ban! (For an explanation of Hogwarts’s theater ban, see Albus Dumbledore’s notes on “The Fountain of Fair Fortune” in The Tales of Beedle the Bard.)

Morning yoga in the common room — feel free to join; we'll teach you some poses.

Ask around; whatever you're looking for — info, candy, contraband — someone probably hands it out, sells it, can get it for you, and/or can tell you where to find it.

Pass around a spell that allows them to clean themselves. Who has time for showering?

And a potion that gives them the same feeling & energy as if they slept. Who has time for sleeping?

Yes, we're building a guillotine in the common room.

Please don't utilize it in the decapitation of any living person or thing (unless it's the Snape or Umbridge)!

Our next project is a carousel. With working lights & everything.

Yes, we're building a house of cards in the common room; please don't blow on it.

Be quiet until noon on the weekends or get hexed.

Thank Merlin they teach sign language in the common room every year & everyone knows enough to get by.

Parties are highly regulated.

People volunteer to walk people back to their dorms & put up protection charms so you don't get assaulted. Those people are vetted with Veritaserum first to confirm the authenticity of their intentions.

People often get into academic debates, which can get a bit loud; just silencio them & move on.

The entrances to the dorms are hidden behind moving bookshelves.

The Ravenclaw copy of Hogwarts: A History will tell you more than you realized you needed to know; there're enough notes in the margins to make a second book, including how to enter the kitchens, how to sneak out if the castle, how to find the Room of Requirement…

They've located more secret passages & rooms in Hogwarts using spells they created than the Marauders were aware of.

First-years are told how to put extension charms on their backpacks so they're not heavy — that's a crap-ton of stairs.

There's an incredibly thick book by a armchair near the fireplace that's full of testaments of Ravenclaw's alumni. "What's one thing you wish you'd known when you started Hogwarts?" First-years are encouraged to flip through it.

And taught a low-concentration spell for levitating books while laying down so your arms don't get tired (flick wand to turn page).

Common room's extended to fit all kinds of activities (and the bookshelves).

Some third-years built an aquaponic system on top of one of the window seats; take a cucumber, if you want, or stop to look at the fish.

Again, explosions are not uncommon. (Please don’t drop any explosives in the fish tank. As water isn’t as compressible as air, this will kill the fish.)

Everyone just kinda glances over to make sure you’re okay before going back to what they were doing.

There's always a record playing.

They host a hike through the Forbidden Forest once a week, because what even are rules?

If you hear an intelligent conversation taking place, feel free to sit down & listen or jump in!

The wind whistles against the windows all year round, but they've been charmed to keep water out.

Played The Floor is Lava before it was a meme.

There's a two-way mirror on the wall above the fireplace. There's a muggle television on the other side. No one's sure whose T.V. it is, but a lady comes in in the mornings in hair curlers & watches the news.

She puts in V.H.S. tapes of Disney movies at the start of term. Hypothesis says it's for the first years & this person's a half-blood or a muggle-born.

Sometimes, people work together to solve the Friday crossword in The Daily Prophet. It's the hardest all week.

Look at each other like they're the camera in The Office when someone says something stupid.

Oh, boy, if someone's found a really good mystery book… That sh¡t’s getting magically copied & passed around. We discuss theories at meals, pass notes in class, & set up a murder board in the common room.

Actually, Ravenclaw house has solved a number of murders in its free time.

Visit my Ravenclaw YouTube playlist & Pinterest board.

DISCLAIMER ━━━ These headcanons are what I consider to be canon in my fanfictions. They may be others’s headcanons I’ve subconsciously filed away in my noggin. If one’s yours and you want it removed or credited, please send me your post and let me know.

#Ravenclaw #Ravenclaw Headcanons #Headcanons #Headcannons #remakethestars

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winryofresembool · 4 years

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Things We Lost in the Fire, ch 8

aka Caleo uni au

Fic summary: Calypso starts studying at a new university, but to her annoyance her new flatmate is a loud mouthed mechanic who also likes to sneak his dog in whenever. But as she learns to know him better, she realizes they might have more in common than what she first thought. Eventually, even the darkest secrets come out…

Chapter summary: Calypso makes another new friend.

A/N: Time to introduce Hazel! Since some of you may be interested in my ToA read, I'm currently reading TTT and it’s reminding me how great Frank and Hazel are. In my fic Hazel is 18 and Frank 20, just for future reference.

Thanks to Cris for helping me out and listening to my rants again, and thanks to the people who commented the previous chapter! I hope you guys enjoy this one too and don't forget that even a short comment like "nice" can make my day!

Characters in this ch: Calypso, Hazel, Leo

Words: 1900+

Genre: romance & hurt/comfort

Warnings: none

previous chapter / next chapter / AO3

...

As the fall progressed, Calypso, who had brought a couple of her favorite paintings with her to her new flat, decided to show some of her art to Annabeth. The architect student complimented them and encouraged her to continue creating art, but Calypso admitted that sometimes it was hard to find the motivation to do it on her own. She preferred making things that she could actually use, such as clothes, but she wasn’t opposed to continuing the art hobby if she found a motivator. Annabeth suggested she join the university art club that had classes for various skill levels and where she’d get feedback to help her get even better. The blonde girl wished she had more time to draw just for fun because her university assignments took a lot of her time, but in Calypso’s case her studies had quite little to do with art so maybe the club would offer her a nice break from history.

And so, only a week later Calypso was participating in her first art class at the university club house. She looked curiously around her to see if she might know someone there from her history lectures, but it turned out that wasn’t the case. However, her attention focused on a girl with curly brown hair, dark skin and eyes so unusually colored that they stood out even from afar. Something about her fascinated Calypso and she decided to approach her.

“Hi!” she greeted.

“Hello. Is this your first time here as well?” the other girl asked.

“Yes! An architect student recommended this club for me so I decided to give it a shot,” Calypso explained.

“Mmmh. I’m not a college student – yet because I’m graduating from high school a bit late – but they graciously let me join when I showed them my art portfolio. I just felt like the high school art classes don’t have much to give me anymore so I wanted to try something different.”

“I see. So, is art something you’d like to do for living? Or just a hobby?” Calypso asked.

“To be honest? I’m not entirely sure yet,” the girl admitted. “Something happened that I was kind of out of it for a few months and that’s why it was hard to think about my future for a while. But one way or another I’ll probably still keep doing art no matter what.”

“Oh. I’m sorry about that…” Calypso said sympathetically.

“It’s in the past now, I’m fine!” the girl reassured. “Uh, I already told you that but I didn’t even ask you your name yet… What is it?”

“Calypso Astal. Yes, I know, like that music style… or that Greek sorceress…”

“I was not going to say that.” the girl shook her head, smiling politely. “I was simply going to say it’s nice to meet you, Calypso! My name is Hazel, Hazel Levesque.”

“Well, nice to meet you too, Hazel,” Calypso said, shaking her hand. “Sorry, I hope I didn’t sound rude… I’m just used to people making weird comments about my name.”

“Oh, don’t worry about it! I can understand that very well. I’m a little too used to people’s comments about anything related to my life at this point…” she said sadly. Now Calypso knew what had drawn her to Hazel in the first place: somehow she had sensed that the girl was an outsider, just like she was.

“So, how long have you been drawing, Hazel?” Calypso decided to change the topic.

“Since I was small. It’s always felt like a good way to express my thoughts and also distract myself when things weren’t that great. What about you, though?”

“I think I’ve always been more or less interested in it, but I didn’t start drawing and painting more seriously until I was in high school. I had a lot of time in my hands then…” Calypso said vaguely.

“That’s cool! What else do you do in your free time?” Hazel asked when she realized Calypso wouldn’t elaborate more.

“I like all kinds of handicrafts – you know, from sewing to building small objects and tending flowers – and I also enjoy singing… although usually I do that just on my own…” Calypso admitted, sounding a little bit embarrassed.

“Wow, sounds like you’re such a multitalent!” the younger girl exclaimed. “I help take care of a horse – his name is Arion and a friend who is good with horses claims that he’s loud mouthed even though I have no idea how he can say that. Arion is just vocal, that’s all.”

Calypso snorted at that.

“Yeah, I believe you. My flatmate would probably claim that he’s entirely capable of understanding everything his dog says, though.”

“Aw, your flatmate has a dog?” Hazel asked.

“Yep, he does, but he is not allowed to have it in our flat. Though he still did, when I arrived, and the dog broke my desk. I wasn’t too happy with my flatmate after that but he hasn’t brought the dog in since then,” Calypso said, now able to smile at the memory.

“I’d love to have one too but for some reason a lot of the dogs seem a little afraid of me. I don’t know why.” Hazel shrugged. “But my, uh, friend studies to become a vet and he’s around animals a lot.”

“That sounds like a cool career. I never really got to be around animals a lot in my childhood… But I do remember enjoying watching birds from the window.” Calypso also remembered wishing she could fly freely like them but she decided to not say that out loud, wanting to focus on more positive things.

The conversation died off because the teacher started explaining the participants the schedule of their meetings and what kind of projects they would make. The first assignment sounded like a fun one in Calypso’s opinion: it was called “If I could be any other living creature”. That meant the students were allowed to draw or paint themselves as any animal or plant they could imagine themselves being. At first Calypso thought about drawing one of her favorite flowers but then she remembered her and Hazel’s discussion only from a moment ago and how she had wished she could be a bird. And that gave her an idea.

The bird she chose was called the Golden Oriole. She had only seen one in her childhood on a trip to northern Greece but she still remembered the yellow feathers and the dark wings very well. Her own hair had been lighter back then as well, more of golden blonde than the caramel brown it was naturally now (before the dyeing) which had really stood out with her dark eyes. That’s why her mother had teased her about looking like Golden Oriole. Thinking about those times made Calypso feel a bit homesick but she decided to channel her emotions into the painting instead of wallowing in them. Once she had gotten started, she took a peek at what Hazel was making. Hazel herself had depicted herself as a horse but somehow she had also time to sketch a bear next to it. That confused Calypso. “What does the bear represent?” she asked Hazel.

“It’s gonna be a panda,” Hazel clarified, “and it’s supposed to depict my best friend. I felt he deserved to be drawn too. He is big and strong like a panda but surprisingly soft inside… I want to show how these two animals, though very different, can get along really well.”

“That’s a great topic. And he sounds like a good guy,” Calypso said approvingly.

“He is,” Hazel nodded and took a look at Calypso’s work. “That looks pretty! So, you consider yourself a bird?”

“Well, at least I’d like to be.” She shrugged. “Maybe one day.”

“I sense something is restricting you,” Hazel commented. “But don’t worry, you don’t have to tell me more.”

“Thanks,” Calypso said with relief, and after that the girls focused on their drawings again.

…

Once the class was over, the girls continued talking on their way to the bus stop.

“I’m sorry, this might be a strange thing to say but… I got a bit different vibe from you than from most people in the class. Do you know why?” Hazel inquired.

“Could be because I’m technically a foreigner,” Calypso replied. “I was also homeschooled so… I haven’t really been in touch with people of my age a lot.”

“Really?” Hazel raised her eyebrows. “Where are you from?”

“Greece. But we moved from there when I was 10.”

“Your English is so good that I wouldn’t have been able to tell you’re not from here. I’ve lived in many places too. I was born in New Orleans but I’ve also lived in Alaska and San Francisco…”

“What brought you here, then?” Calypso asked.

Hazel seemed to hesitate a bit. “Uh, it’s a very long story. One I’d rather not talk about right now. But after I recovered from an accident I’ve been trying to find my place. My best friend moved to study here and he’s the closest family I have so I decided I’m gonna follow him.”

Calypso noticed that Hazel blushed a bit when she was talking about her friend.

“And your parents were OK with you moving?” she asked, having too much experience with overprotective parents.

“Uh…” Hazel started awkwardly. “I don’t really have any. Mom is dead and my dad only shows up when it’s convenient to him. I lived with a relative for a few months before I turned 18 but once I was that old, she told me that I was free to make my own decisions.”

“I’m so sorry. About your parents.” Calypso said sympathetically. For some reason she seemed to be pulling a lot of people with tragic backgrounds towards her.

“It might be awful to say this but I think my mom is in a better place now. She suffered a lot in her life,” Hazel said as an afterthought.

Calypso only nodded, because really, what could you say to that? The other girl seemed to sense her hesitance because she continued:

“But don’t worry about me. Frank is the best and most protective friend I could have. And here I have found some new ones as well!”

“That is good!” Calypso said genuinely. She already felt like she could relate to this girl and wished a brighter future for her. “Um, I have some things I need to do at home but I’ll see you next week, right? And if you ever want to hang out outside the class, just message me.”

“I will!” Hazel promised and waved to her as goodbye.

…

Leo was making something to eat in the kitchen when Calypso arrived and he looked at the package in Calypso’s arms curiously.

“Hiya Sunshine, what you got there?” he asked.

“I was at the art club and did this,” Calypso said, taking the drawing from the bag and showing it to Leo.

“That’s a cool bird,” Leo mumbled while trying to swallow his sandwich. “Is there some deeper meaning to it?”

“Yes, it’s supposed to depict me,” Calypso answered, emphasizing the last word.

Leo looked back and forth between the drawing and the artist.

“I’m not really seeing the connection there.” He narrowed his eyes as if trying to see the drawing clearer. “You look nothing like that bird.”

“Leo Valdez!” Calypso yelled and marched angrily into her room, leaving poor Leo wonder what he did wrong.

“I just meant that you’re way prettier than any drawing of a bird could ever be,” he mumbled to himself before sighing and focusing on his meal again.

#caleo #leo valdez #calypso #heroes of olympus #percy jackson and the olympians #trials of apollo #my fics #caleo uni au

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puddygeeks · 4 years

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Wᴇ Cᴏᴍᴇ Rᴜɴɴɪɴɢ - Tʜᴇ 100 Bᴇʟʟᴀᴍʏ x OC - Cʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ 20: Cʜᴀᴏs Iɴ Cᴀᴍᴘ

Masterlist

Episode: Day Trip

Rating: Mature

Summary: During her time in the Skybox, Indigo formed a precious friendship with fellow outcast Octavia Blake, the girl under the floor. At first they thought their departure from the oppression of the Ark was a blessing, but quickly came to rely on Indigo's keen survival instincts. The 100 struggle to meet the challenges of Earth whilst Bellamy strives to lead the wavering teenagers and his irresponsible attitude fuels constant conflict with Indigo. Their only shared interest is in protecting Octavia and Indigo beings to suspect that there is a deeper cause to Bellamy's seemingly irrational choices. As the consequences of his actions mount up around him, he finally begins to confide in her and she discovers more than she ever bargained for.

Fandom: CW’s The 100

Pairing: OC x Bellamy Blake

LONG TERM ONGOING PROJECT :)

My writing is entirely fuelled by coffee! If you enjoy my work, feel free to donate toward my caffeine dependency: will work for coffee

Warnings: Mature content. Non-consent, language, sex, self harm, suicide, anxiety, helplessness, torture, captivity/confinement, alcohol/drug use.

Chapter Twenty

Although it was crowded and the atmosphere was still tense from the storm, I was pleased to return to a solid structure for the night. Octavia and I bundled up some supplies in a corner and after some persuasion, she agreed to stop obsessively guarding the grounder and to actually try to get some sleep. It was hard for either of us to relax, especially when I saw Bellamy head up the ladder for his turn watching our prisoner as Octavia dozed on my shoulder. I was starting to feel the strain of worrying about the Blake siblings; any time I was busy with one of them I could almost guarantee that the other was getting into trouble. I barely managed a few brief cat naps throughout the night despite my exhaustion. Instead, I was one of the first up and about in camp working on repairs in the morning.

In my time here I’d already become quite efficient at sewing and so I was quickly assigned to repairing the damaged tents. I had a brief cheeky visit from Jasper and Monty on their way back from their successful foraging adventure to offer me some nuts that they’d found. I declined the food, feeling too stressed to eat and I promised to join them for a proper meal later on. I settled into a quiet corner near the edge of camp to work and enjoyed the peace of the alone time. After spending time on the Ark living isolated in a cell, I realised that it was a challenge for me to adjust to the constant presence of so many people. I keep my mind from wandering over what trouble Bellamy and Octavia could have gotten into by now and instead reassured myself that both of them tend to make a big enough scene for me to notice. I spent a couple of relaxing hours sewing and watching the bustling activity of the camp as people woke and were assigned to various tasks. We’d managed to assemble a food line with people organising portions into neatly packed rations so that we could keep track of our supply levels.

I noticed several people heading over to the area where we’d been keeping prisoners and I watched their activity with interest. I assessed that they carried enough supplies to indicate that repairs needed to be done to the makeshift cells we’d created and I wondered where they would put the two attackers whilst they rebuilt. I continued sewing as I waited anxiously for someone to escort the two men past, but no such movement happened. After a while, more assistants arrived with shovels and two large sheets filled with a human shape were carried past me to the gate. I overheard the people who hauled them out discussing how glad they were that the storm had only killed the rapists of camp and I was relieved to hear that no one else had been hurt. I was conflicted on whether it was appropriate to feel no sadness at the death of two members of our camp, as I knew in my gut that I would have argued against killing them for their crimes. I decided to allow myself to feel relieved that the decision on what to do with them had been taken out of our hands and I tried not to feel guilty about it. Once I’d accumulated a pile of repairs, I made my way back into the fray and took them to add to the pile of fixed items that were waiting to be set back up in camp. As I organised the pile, Clarke approached me with a nervous manner and I struggled not to roll my eyes.

“Hey Indigo, I couldn’t find you earlier. I don’t know if anyone’s told you yet but we’ve got video contact up and running with the Ark. They’re sending all the families in for a chat so if you’ve got anyone to contact-”

“Nope, my only family is down here.” I cut her off abruptly, not wanting to engage in personal conversation. I was honestly still frustrated with her for getting swept up in the torture last night, but I was too exhausted to confront her for her part in it right now. “Anyway, I’ll go back to the orphan corner. The Ark’s quite good at creating us, I’m sure it’ll be crowded in no time.” I spat coldly as I stormed away from her.

I returned to my sewing and tried not to be bitter as I watched people being called to the tent one by one for time with their families. I struggled not to picture my mother and when I failed, I imagined what she would look like now. My mind filled with images of her, the warm tone of her short auburn hair, her fair skin always a fawn white coated in hundreds of tiny amber freckles. It was one of the most beautiful, fascinating things about her to me, the little sporadic pattern on her skin that sadly never passed to me. I remembered the blue lagoon of her eyes, glistening with a multitude of hypnotising shades and if you paid enough attention, a miniscule ring of hazel right around the pupil. I saw them every time I looked in the mirror and it was still haunting for me even years later. It was only worsened by the fact that my eyes never sparkled like hers had in her happier years, in the memories of her that I cherished most desperately. Instead, mine were dulled and depthless, the same way hers looked after years of pain and suffering endured at the hands of the guard who destroyed both of our lives. The eyes that I inherited from my mother were a constant reminder of the state that she had been in the last time I ever saw her and I suspected it was a large cause of the self loathing I felt whenever I dared to look into a mirror. I was relieved to be pulled from my thoughts by the sound of footsteps nearby and I glanced up to see Clarke and Bellamy making their way out of camp. I casually approached them, trying not to show my concern and Bellamy seemed relieved as he saw me.

“Hey, you heading out?” I asked with an interested look as I noticed the supplies they both carried.

“Yeah, the Ark mentioned some supplies nearby so we’re going to scout it out.” Clarke replied, whilst Bellamy watched me with a tense air about him that seemed to come from nowhere.

“Oh, well that’s promising. You sure you’re okay with just the two of you? I can back you up if needed?” I offered earnestly, but as Clarke opened her mouth to answer Bellamy abruptly cut her off.

“No I need you here.” He spoke firmly and I stared at him in confusion. He glanced over to Clarke reluctantly, then took my arm and walked me slightly further from her, lowering his voice. “Look, I appreciate you coming after me last night and I’ve been thinking about what you said. I will try to trust Octavia more, you have my word on that. But for now, I trust you. Can you keep an eye on her for me?” His expression was deeply serious, more so than the situation warranted and I felt like there was something more to his request that he wasn’t sharing with me.

“Of course I can.” I answered, considering him suspiciously. “Is there something else going on Bellamy?” I asked in a vain attempt to encourage him to be honest with me.

“No, I just…” He trailed off unconvincingly and I raised a brow at him. “I’m on edge with that grounder in camp. I’m trying to trust her not to do anything stupid, but if I’m honest, I’m expecting it. Just...tell me that you’ll keep her safe for me?” His eyes were strangely intense and he still gripped me tightly as he spoke.

“You know that I will.” I breathed with a confused tone, feeling nerves settling in my stomach as I assessed him. “So you just make sure that you come back safe, deal?” I replied, compelled to reassure myself that he would be coming back as I embraced the feeling that something was wrong. He didn’t answer me, turning to walk away without even a nod of acknowledgement. I grabbed his arm firmly to stop him from leaving. “Bellamy, I mean it. Be careful out there, please?” I added, my words quickly fading from assertive to pleading. He nodded reluctantly but it did nothing to relieve my fear. I watched him and Clarke make their way out of camp with a knot in my stomach and I had to force myself to return to the dropship instead of staying there to wait for their return.

As I entered the ship and searched around for Octavia, I wasn’t at all surprised to find her anxiously waiting on the second floor, under the hatch where the grounder was being held. I was walking toward her when Connor pushed past to bang on the hatch and yell up.

“Hey Miller, Roma’s parents are waiting for you on the radio.” He called before turning on his heel to walk straight out without waiting to see if he had been heard.

My stomach lurched at the mention of her name but I tried to concentrate on the task at hand. From Connor’s words, it sounded like they were about to leave the grounder unguarded and I could already feel Octavia desperately staring at me. I diverted my path to avoid looking suspicious and fiddled with some supplies in an attempt to look busy. Fortunately Octavia understood my strange move and she quickly did the same on the other side of the space as we tried to look casual whilst Miller made his way down the ladder and stomped outside. Octavia immediately dashed to the ladder and I ran over to meet her.

“Hey, Bellamy’s out of camp so I’ll try to keep the goons out of your hair. I’ll give you as long as I can but please don’t do anything reckless. I know you trust him and I’m on your side that this whole thing is wrong but you still need to be careful. Don’t let your guard down. Now go.” I rambled in a hurry, before practically pushing her up the ladder to speed her up. I knew in my gut that Bellamy would be furious with me if he knew what I’d just done, but our methods of protecting Octavia were different and I found that allowing her to make her own decisions and mistakes was working well for me so far. She was growing, which she needed to do in an environment like this and I maintained her trust. In my mind, it was most important that she always continued to trust me with her problems so that I could help when she got herself into trouble, instead of sneaking around behind my back like she did with Bellamy. I waited nervously on the spot whilst Octavia was upstairs and I expected to run into trouble at any moment. It wasn’t long at all until it came. Miller approached the ladder with a furious expression and I steeled myself for a conflict.

“Miller, how were Roma’s parents? I can’t imagine that as an easy conversation to have. If it helps I can speak to them? I was with her when…” I trailed off, unsure of what else to say. I wasn’t even sure if what I’d offered would be of any help at all, and felt guilty for even trying to use it as a distraction.

“No Indigo, that wouldn’t help at all. Now get out of my way, I need to get back to guarding the piece of shit whose friends are killing us.” He spat, pushing past me. I jumped back in front of him to try to block him and he looked up at the hatch in frustration. “Oh goddammit, Octavia is up there again isn’t she? Will you two ever give it a fucking rest with getting in the way?” He growled and I shifted awkwardly. I was disappointed that I hadn’t been able to think of a better distraction and instead had to resort to reasoning with him.

“Come on Miller, she’s not doing any harm and Bellamy isn’t even here. She’s just treating him like a human being.” I answered in an attempt to diffuse the situation and I already felt in my gut that I was wasting my time as he viewed me with disgust.

“What about our people, the ones they killed? You think they treated them like fucking human beings?” He spat as he continued to try to get to the ladder, but I remained in front of him to block it.

“We don’t even know if he had anything to do with that. We don’t know anything about Earth, we didn’t even expect there to be people here! We can’t hold one man responsible.” I argued, trying to reason with him despite his growing anger. I couldn’t tell which of us would lose our temper first as he looked down on me and I felt my stomach turning in frustration.

“Get out of my fucking way Sloan! Bellamy isn’t here to shield you today, don’t fucking test me!” He growled, attempting to pull me out from the ladder but instead I instinctively pushed him away from me and held my ground.

In an explosion of anger he swung at me; his fist collided with my jaw and caused me to stumble back. True to my assurance to Bellamy that I could protect myself, I rammed into Miller, tackling him at his waist and splayed him out on the floor. I pulled my arm back to punch him but before I could complete the movement I was interrupted by frantic yelling as Jasper stumbled into the space.

“Octavia! Indigo! Octavia!” His tone of blind panic caused me to let go of Miller and instead of continuing my assault, I jumped to my feet. As I did this, the hatch opened and Octavia frantically started climbing down.

“Jasper, what’s wrong?” I asked worriedly and as his gaze fell on me, he rushed over to my side. I glanced over my shoulder just in time to see that Miller was back on his feet and that he was in the process of reaching up to violently pull Octavia from the ladder. I felt my temper combust inside my chest and I turned on my heel, throwing all of my weight behind the punch that met his face like a bulldozer. Miller collapsed onto the ground unconscious and I shook my hand with a grimace.

“Fuck, Indigo, that was extreme!” Octavia breathed as she viewed me with a hint of amusement and I shrugged back. “Jasper, are you alright?” She asked as she gently placed a comforting hand on him in concern.

“I...I think I’m going crazy.” He spat as he reached out with a desperate grip on her shoulders. “Or the grounders are here, or I’m going crazy!” His voice was frantic and terrified and I raised my brows in surprise. Octavia gently released herself from his grip and she began to lead him to the entrance to the dropship.

“Okay, just slow down.” She breathed, encouraging him to match her relaxed pace. “Just tell me what you saw.” As they reached the entrance and gained a view of the camp, Jasper seemed to hyperfixate on one point with wide, horrified eyes. I approached them, standing at his other side from Octavia and I watched him closely.

“Him!” He whispered, his voice trembling as he pointed to an empty spot. Although it was obvious to us that he was pointing at nothing, the conviction in which he stared out and pointed insistently caused me to become concerned.

“Jasper, there’s no one there.” Octavia replied firmly as she tried to take control of the situation.

“He’s right there!” Jasper yelled wildly back, finally losing control of his panic and I jumped at the sudden change in his demeanor. “We have to run, we have to run, why isn’t anyone doing anything-” He grabbed Octavia and tried to pull her but she dug her heels into the ground in resistance. I grabbed his arm to keep him with us and he stared at me in shock.

“Jasper! Are you on something?” Octavia asked and was unable to keep the annoyance from her tone any longer.

“Stay calm with him Tavi. He might be having a trauma flashback.” I spoke softly and slowly, as Jasper watched me with an expression that showed that he wasn’t really seeing me. He turned back to face Octavia with a slightly calmer manner, but instead I could sense a hint of slurring in his words.

“I love you.” He stated, causing us both to raise our brows in surprise. “And I just want you to know that we’re all gonna die soon, okay? I love you.” He rushed his words but also tried to cram food into his mouth at the same time. Octavia grabbed his hand midway to his mouth and revealed the nuts that he and Monty had offered me earlier.

“Is this all you’ve eaten today?” She questioned, fixing him with a serious expression as I watched with a feeling of dread as I recognised them.

“It is but who the hell cares now?” He breathed, waving his arms around in a dramatic fashion and I had to stifle a snigger at his out of character behaviour.

“You’re totally bombed.” She sighed, glancing over at me for assistance and I looked back at her with concern as I shook off my amusement.

“Him and Monty offered those to me this morning when they found them.” I clarified as I met her eyes and she looked back at me with relief. “How many other people in camp did they give them to?” I asked, glancing around with a knot in my gut and her eyes widened as she realised the implications.

“I don’t know but we need to find out, fast. For now we need to deal with him before he causes a panic.” Octavia whispered, indicating to Jasper who was now hyperventilating and causing quite a scene. She stepped outside by just a few steps and I had to grip his arm to keep him from following her. She picked up a fallen branch and returned just inside the ship to hand it to him purposefully. “Here buddy, take this.” She breathed and I sensed a hint of sarcasm in her voice despite her best efforts to conceal it.

“It’s a stick?” He questioned as he took it and stared at her in bewilderment.

“No, this is an anti grounder stick.” She argued in a forced tone and I struggled not to snort at her prosperous plan. “So as long as you hold this and you sit right here, grounders won't be able to see you. See?” She spoke softly and encouraged him to take a seat inside the dropship.

“Yeah, that makes sense. I’ll just stay right here.” Jasper nodded, settling into his seat and accepting her lie far easier than I’d anticipated. Octavia looked at me and rolled her eyes, and I had to stifle a giggle. I was sympathetic for Jasper; he’d been through so much since we got here that I thought he was doing incredibly well to still even be functioning.

“I’m gonna do the rounds of camp and just check no one else is freaking out.” I stated as I glanced out at the seemingly calm space anxiously and Octavia nodded in agreement.

“Good idea. You take one side, I’ll take the other and we’ll meet back here.” She answered and I smiled at her responsibility.

I stuck my head into multiple tents and everyone on my side seemed to still be their normal selves. From what I could tell, people were still efficiently working on their duties. After checking most of my side, I decided to find Monty and I hoped that he’d be in a better state than Jasper had gotten himself into. When I entered their tent, I found Monty laid flat out in a pile of sleeping bags and staring up at the ceiling of the tent with a fascinated expression.

“Hey Monty, are you good in here?” I asked gently as I stepped properly into the space and surveyed him. He turned to face me with a dosy smile and widely dilated eyes.

“Hey, it’s the pretty girl!” He answered cheerfully and I chuckled under my breath at his strange demeanour.

“So, I’ve just been chatting with Jasper and he was telling me about the nuts you found in the forest this morning.” I approached slowly and sat beside him. I was careful not to startle him after Jasper’s earlier panicky behaviour and worried that I could inadvertently spiral him into a similar state.

“Oh the nuts! Yeah, they’re super good, they’re so tasty, I think they might be the best thing I’ve eaten since I got here.” He raved, smiling widely at me. “You should make sure you get some.” He added and I knew that baiting him would be easier than I had anticipated.

“You know, I really want to try them, they sound amazing. But everyone liked them so much that no one will share with me.” I said coyly, and his face fell into a profoundly sad expression as he considered my words. I struggled not to snigger at his dramatic reactions.

“What?! That’s so greedy! I’ll share with you pretty girl.” He smiled, pulling a small supply of the nuts from his pocket and handing them to me without any resistance. “It’s not much, but those are all I have left.” He admitted and I was warmed by his kindness.

“Thanks Monty, you’re the best.” I replied, forcing a wide smile back at him in an attempt to not be suspicious. The effects of the nuts seemed to be different on Monty, maybe because he hadn’t endured quite as much trauma as Jasper, or maybe he was usually a chilled, happy drunk. I reflected on what he’d been arrested for, and decided I wouldn’t be surprised if the latter was the case.

“Oh you’re welcome Indie! I’ll always share with you. You’re nice, and cool, and pretty. So pretty. Did you know that? Bellamy doesn’t deserve you.” He rambled quickly in a slurred fashion.I struggled not to laugh now, wrinkling up my nose as I smiled at him.

“Well it’s a good thing that Bellamy doesn’t have me then, isn’t it.” I replied earnestly as I appreciated his kind words, even if they were caused by blatant intoxication. “You know what Monty, you’ve done so well today gathering these delicious treats that I think you’ve earned a break. Why don’t you take a nap?” I suggested encouragingly as I got to my feet.

“Yeah, a nap sounds great. I love naps.” He smiled as he shuffled himself into a comfortable position and quickly dozed off. I smiled at his peaceful form resting in a self hugging pose before I crept out of the tent. I made my way back to the dropship and found Octavia waiting for me.

“Hey, just so you know Miller’s back up and being a dick as usual.” She groaned in annoyance and I rolled my eyes. “He went straight back up there to guard Lincoln-I mean the grounder.” She added before dropping her gaze to her feet.

“Please tell me you haven’t named him? He’s not a puppy and no you can’t keep him.” I stated firmly, with only a small hint of playfulness. I hoped for a laugh but instead she stared back at me in an awkward manner.

“No, that’s his name. He told me.” She lowered her voice to a whisper to divulge this information and I froze to the spot in shock.

“You said he didn’t speak English?” I asked in a hiss as I felt unnerved by this revelation.

“I didn’t think he could, but turns out he can.” She replied casually and I got the impression that she didn’t understand the gravity of this discovery. I stared back at her in horror, as I remembered how much of the conversation between Bellamy and I had been in front of the prisoner. I desperately struggled to think whether I had said anything that could endanger Bellamy if it were to get out and felt my heart hammering as I considered it.

“Jesus, Octavia, did you tell him anything?” I grilled her with more aggression than intended and she seemed to be confused as she stared back at me.

“No, of course not, he didn’t want to know anything. I just told him I was sorry about what happened.” She explained and I could tell that she was insulted in the way that she spoke. “How was your side of camp anyway? Any more freak outs?” She asked in a crude attempt at changing the topic. I sighed but allowed her to guide me, as the nuts situation was a more pressing issue.

“No, everyone’s pretty normal, except for Monty who’s totally baked. But I took what he has left so at least he’ll start coming down.” I answered in a matter of fact manner. “Your side?” I questioned nervously.

“No weirdness at all, maybe Jasper and Monty just ate too many?” She thought aloud and I shrugged back at her. I was hopeful that she was right, as I couldn’t imagine the chaos we’d be met with if these had made their way around camp. “Raven and Finn haven’t come out of their little love den so they should be fine.” She added with a hint of bitterness and I fixed her with a scrutinising look.

“Did you check them?” I asked, eying her suspiciously. She avoided my gaze, shifting awkwardly and I sighed deeply in disappointment. I understood why she didn’t want to be around Raven, but I trusted her to be more mature considering the circumstances. “Fine, I’ll deal with Raven. Don’t do anything whilst I’m gone.” I added as I stepped away from her. She cleared her throat and I paused to turn to face her again. “Unless...you already did something?” I asked hesitantly. She looked incredibly guilty now and was barely even facing my direction any longer. “Octavia, what did you do?” I hissed in annoyance. I knew her too well for her act to fool me and I could tell from her face that there was something she was trying to hide.

“Nothing!” She exclaimed defensively. I raised a brow at her and she quickly crumbled. “Nothing undeserved.” She added with a coy smile and I felt my stomach lurch at her wording. “I may have had a part in ensuring that Miller got his rations.” She smiled and I groaned loudly as I understood that she had drugged him with the nuts. “Look, I’m just saying, if the guards were too high to keep an eye on him then it would be easy for him to just accidentally escape.” She explained her logic and I stared at her in disbelief.

“I just...what?” I stuttered weakly as I processed her words. “I know I agreed with you that he should never have been brought here, or tortured, and I have absolutely no intention of allowing anyone to execute him, but we can’t seriously be talking about letting him go?! That’s a huge risk Octavia, you don’t know him, what are you going to do if he comes back with an army?” I ranted as I felt the nerves brewing in my stomach. As I was in the middle of glaring at her, I realised that she was looking over my shoulder and I turned to see a commotion growing in the camp. It seemed that the effect of the nuts had simply taken a while to kick in as people were now starting to behave strangely all over the camp. “Shit, we’ve got bigger problems right now, I can’t talk to you about this just yet. I know you have drama with Raven and I get it, but Finn is injured and still very early in his recovery, so I need to make sure he’s not high as a kite and busting open his stitches because you dumped your responsibilities over a grudge. Stay here, and don’t do anything reckless whilst I deal with this, and we’ll talk about it when I get back.” I spoke quickly, allowing my tone to convey my stress before I rushed to Raven and Finn’s tent.

It was a struggle to even make it through the chaos of the camp. I was stopped several times by random people in varying states of confusion and panic. I struggled to part from each of them as I worried over reaching the person who I felt was most vulnerable. When the tent finally came into view, I could hear raised voices from inside. I quickened my pace to deal with the conflict and saw Monty stumbling out of the residence.

“Monty, what are you doing? I thought you were having a nap?” I asked frustratedly as I caught sight of him. I couldn’t believe that the one person I thought I’d dealt with was already back out and causing trouble. He turned to face me with an overly cheesy smile and I scrutinised him with an unimpressed manner.

“Oh hey Indie! Well I was trying to have a nap but the tides kept interrupting me so I need to find the moon so that I can change the tide.” He explained in a manner that was so articulate that it was almost believable. I stifled a laugh as I assessed that even whilst drunk Monty was trying to solve problems and studying things in his scientific mind. I smiled at him fondly as I formed a plan to get him out of the way without having to scold him.

“Oh, the moon?” I replied in a fascinated tone. “You know I just saw it heading into your tent, but if you go in there you’ll have to close your eyes so you don’t get blinded by it. So maybe lie down with your eyes closed whilst you talk to it.” I made up whatever I could think of on the spot and waited anxiously to see if Monty believed me. Although he was intoxicated, I doubted that he had become any less intelligent and I worried that he would see through me.

“You’re a genius!” He smiled eagerly and I let out a breath that I didn’t even realise I was holding. He gave me an exaggerated high five before running excitedly in the direction of his tent. Raven stepped out of her tent, pulling on her jacket and looked around.

“What the hell is going on?” She asked as she surveyed the chaos that surrounded us with confusion.

“Monty and Jasper found some nuts earlier that seem to be hallucinogens. Everyone's losing their shit.” I explained, watching closely for any strange behaviour from her. “Did either of you eat any?” I asked to confirm that she wasn’t going to fool me as the rest of camp had.

“No, thank god.” She breathed, widening her eyes as someone ran past bare chested and waving their shirt in the air like a flag. “I was with Finn so didn’t collect any rations.” She replied, rubbing her head in a stressed manner. “Does the pressure ever stop here?” She groaned as she met my eyes with an exhausted face. I was surprised to find that her tone was the same as it had been before she brutally tortured the grounder and then tried to fight me.

“No, welcome to Earth, the bullshit is constant.” I spoke coldly, no longer able to bond with her as I had over Finn’s unconscious state. I couldn’t pretend that last night hadn’t happened and I didn’t have the time to deal with the aftermath just yet. “Now, we’ve got around 90 dellusional teenagers to keep alive, so we’re gonna need every set of hands we can get.” I requested and Raven sighed deeply, sticking her head back into the tent.

“Scratch that, get out here.” She spoke into the tent before straightening back up.

“Thank you. If you could start gathering any stragglers at the edge of the camp and bring them back in that would be great. Octavia and I will gather the ones near the dropship.” I instructed and Raven immediately nodded in agreement.

As I approached the dropship I witnessed Octavia creeping back in with supplies bundled in her arms. I broke into a jog to catch her up and I could tell that she hadn’t spotted me nearing her. I cleared my throat just before I fell into step beside her and she jumped in response.

“What are you doing?” I spoke firmly and she turned to face me like a deer caught in headlights. I studied the items that she was carrying and easily identified some clothes and rations. I surveyed her with a mixture of disappointment and disbelief. I’d barely been gone for ten minutes and I couldn’t believe that she’d made such a dramatic decision in that time. “I said we’d talk about this. Are you really sneaking around to do this behind my back?” I asked with a hurt tone as I met her eyes. For a moment, she looked genuinely remorseful, but she quickly flipped to defensive behaviour.

“Oh right, of course.” She breathed, squinting at me with annoyance. “You say we’ll talk about it and you expect me to just sit and wait whilst our best chance of getting him out of here is passing us by?! We’re not going to have a better opportunity than this, ever!” She spat and I was surprised to find her pressuring me at such an impossible time.

“Yes, it’s our best chance to free him, but how do we know that freeing him is the right thing?” I asked and she rolled her eyes. I dropped to a scolding tone to try encourage her to realise the seriousness of the conversation and I felt more like I was parenting a bratty child than discussing something with my best friend. “It’s a risk Octavia, what will we do if he comes back with an army of grounders? Will you still feel so justified in your decision when they are killing us in front of you?” I pressed back, in an effort to make her understand the gravity of the decision we needed to make.

“That’s not going to happen! He saved my life!” She argued and I half expected her to stomp her feet as she spoke in an indignant tone.

“Don’t be fucking naive! You don’t know him!” I yelled back as I lost my temper with her ridiculous behaviour. “He may have saved you, but then he chained you to a wall like a fucking pet.” I jabbed and I saw the flicker of offence crossing her face.

“If I’m wrong and he has an army of grounders, they are going to come looking for him! If we let him go, maybe he’ll show us mercy in return.” She suggested and I scoffed at her. “You need to ask yourself this: when Bellamy comes back and we have to make a decision about what to do, how are you going to feel watching him get executed, knowing that you could have saved his life?” She reasoned and I paced around in an attempt to manage the stress that she was piling on me. I knew that we had little time to make a decision one way or another, but I couldn’t judge which option was the most sensible. After all of my time preaching about survival skills and being tactical, I didn't know the answer. “Indigo, sometimes you have to take a chance and have faith in people. I have faith in Lincoln, I can feel in my gut that this is the right thing to do. Now I’m just asking you to trust me.” I stared at her in uncertainty, and my recent words to Bellamy repeated in my mind, much to my frustration. If there was one thing I never wanted to be, it was a hypocrite.

“Fine, fine!” I spat as I snapped under the stress. “But this is on you, this is your choice. Don’t make me regret this!” I added as I jabbed a finger at her and she nodded back thankfully. “You get him out, I’ll keep the few sober people distracted.” I instructed as I tried to form a plan within the limited time constraints. “Come and find me when he’s gone.” I sighed, furious at her for putting me in this position.

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clevercatchphrase · 5 years

Text

2019 year in review

So… The 2010’s are almost over. Huh. What a decade it’s been. Hard to comprehend how much has changed in 10 years. I can barely believe that I was in high school at the beginning of this decade, and now I’m a college graduate with 2 degrees who’s been working at the same job for the last 3 years. But trying to summarize the past 10 years in a single post is a good way to give myself an existential crisis, so let’s not do that! Instead, let’s just focus on 2019 because there has been more than enough shit that’s happened to me in this year to talk about.

PART 1 OF 2: 2019 AND 2020 GOALS AND RESOLUTIONS

Huh, looking back through my archives, I apparently didn’t make a tumblr post about my goals this year. I definitely had some, though. Lemme list ‘em off real quick, and then we’ll go through them point by point.

1) Pay off all my student loans 2) Finish some song comics 3) Make art for my Redbubble account 4) Finish the first rough draft/script of a game I wanted to make 5) Practice ASL 6) Sew some stuffed animals 7) Finish some fan fictions 8) Work on Ghost Switch 9) AMVs 10) Do some original writing 11) Make illustrations for my fan fictions

Okay, first off, the student loans. I was actually SO CLOSE to successfully completing this one bUT THEN MY CAR HAD TO BE A WHINEY PISS BABY AND HAVE ITS ALTERNATOR DIE ON ME WHILE I WAS ON THE HIGHWAY AND THEN A BLOW OUT THREE WEEKS LATER.

GOD, if I had to summarize this year in two words, for me it would be “Car troubles”. I swear I spent more on auto repair in the first third of this year than I ever have just freakin’ OWNING a car. All four of my tires had to be replaced, my alternator failed and my car literally just SHUT OFF while I was driving, and I was barely able to coast into a gas station. Both my front breaks and rear breaks were worn down the metal and I only learned this when my car was barely able to stop after I had to slam the petal down full force! I went in for an oil change, and they found some problems and then I didn’t get my car back for three days! I don’t even like owning a car! I hate driving! I hate my country’s refusal to provide universal, free public transportation! I NEVER ASKED FOR THIS!

Oh-kay… number 2. Finish some song comics. I didn’t finish any. But that doesn’t mean I didn’t work on them. I have made tiny progress, but that’s certainly better than no progress. One of these song comics I hope to be realizes is going to be a collab with one of my friends. It’ll be a long-time coming as it’s pretty low priority for the both of us, but if anyone else out there was disappointed with KH3’s ending, we’re gonna have ya’ covered… With SONG!

3. Make some redbubble art. I actually did this one! Not in the way I expected, but I added (technically) 3 new designs to my redbubble in the middle of the year. If you like butterflies and dragons, I got some product for you~!

Number 4, finish a script for a game I want to make. I… thought about this. I thought about this a lot, but I never put pen to paper, so… oops. It almost happened! I debated making this my main writing project for NaNoWriMo this year, but ended up having more inspiration for another story. Maybe next year? (god, I hope not. I don’t want to wait a full year just to write something)

Number 5, practice ASL. I just straight up didn’t do this and I only have myself to blame. Still keepin’ up that Danish Duolingo streak, though. 4 years going strong and not a day missed yet.

Number 6, sew some stuffed animals. Again, another one I just straight up didn’t do, but I have an excuse of trying to save money while my car crashed and burned in every other sense except literal this year. Hopefully 2020 will be different. I’ll definitely be able to pay off this last loan within the first half of 2020, and then I can start saving for whatever I want to buy.

Finish some fan fictions was number 7, and I did this! Well, I only finished, 1, but it was a story I’ve been working on for over 3 years, and it came out to over 200 THOUSAND words long, which is the longest thing I’ve ever written, and I’m quite proud of myself. Now that the big story is out of the way, and I’ve gotten into a good rhythm of working on Ghost Switch, maybe I can squeeze in some short writing sessions more frequently. (either that, or just wait for my car to break down again and then go on a writing spree in a pepboys. The lord and the fan fic discord know that’s solely why I finished my other fic this year)

Speaking of Ghost Switch, working on it was a goal this year too, and I did that! I kept it up all year and took a vacation in November and it was wonderful. While the major plot points have been in place since before I started drawing, I still need to script each arc beyond Snowdin, but hey, by the time we get there, it’ll be 2022 so I got time. (Note, don’t do this, kids. Script your stories and comics thoroughly before publishing. The road I’m on is paved with misery and pain and it will only end in tears unless I change lanes soon)

Number 9, amvs. Do people make AMVs anymore? Idk… the last one I made was... Jesus, 5 years ago? (it was a gravity falls/fall out boy crossover, if you were curious) I’ve been wanting to do 2 more for just as long, but in order for me to do that, I’d have to spend time re-watching the shows to find the footage, and then actually edit them together, and I just don’t…. feel like it. Maybe someday, but not any day soon.

10; do some original writing. I did this! For nanowrimo! I wrote the first draft of some original fiction I’ve been planning for a year or two now and it completely sucks! But it’s on paper now and I’m happy. Will I revise and edit it? Sure, but not for a while. I want to let it sit and forget about it and look at it with new eyes months from now so I can be sure I can make it better when time comes to rewrite.

11, make illustrations for my fan fics. Now that You Monster is done, I want to go back and add pictures to it. I didn’t do any this year, but I did keep a list of scenes I wanted to draw, so I have plenty of ideas to do as warm up sketches next year~ I kinda want to stream them~

So, that was 11 goals, and I successfully fulfilled 4 of them! That’s! Not a very good ratio… QmQ So, goals for 2020. Some I’m gonna keep from this year, some I’m gonna drop and some I’m gonna add. In short I would like to,

1) Finish paying off that last student loan 2) Put more stuff on my redbubble 3) Illustrate my own fan fics 4) Sew at least one stuffed animal 5) Make an enamel pin 6) Read one new book a month 7) Write one page a day/Complete at least one new fan fic 8) Learn Python or C# for the game I want to make 9) Finish fully scripting Ghost Switch 10) Boost my patreon

Most of these I think are pretty self-explanitory, but I’ll go into detail just a bit because I’m on a roll and typing my thoughts helps me feel less alone in the middle of the night when you’re super tired and you know you should probably go to sleep, but the toddler in you is throwing a tantrum and doesn’t wanna go to sleep just yet, but you can’t fight the progression of time either way.

Number 1- I should be able to reach this goal by the end of March. End of June at the absolute latest. Once that goal is met, my secret new year’s resolution will be unlocked as well!

Number 2- I want to put more art of my OCs on redbubble. These OCs are tied to the game I want to make. There’s already some art of them up there, but I want at least one piece for each character.

Number 3- Mostly for You Monster. Embrace the cardinal rule of fan fic and apply it to fan art. If you want to read about see art about certain ideas, scenarios, or what-ifs, you gotta make it yourself.

Number 4- I have 3 potential ideas to sew. One is definitely leagues easier than the other two and will probably be chosen if/when I have the time and materials.

Number 5- This year I got really, REALLY into the idea of making enamel pins. Unfortunately it’s a pretty big investment (like, $350 to make 100 pins you might not even sell). If this happens, it’ll probably be towards the end of the year, and if I get enough interest. I’m currently torn between making an original enamel pin and one based off Undertale. We’ll just have to see where this goes.

Number 6- Back in 2018 when I paid off one of my many student loans, I rewarded myself by spending over 200 dollars in used books. All these books had a theme; they were focused on dragons because I have a problem. I have not yet read a single one of these books I have bought, and I would like to fix that. I have, like, 20 unread dragon books, and even if I only read 12 out of 20, I would consider that an amazing accomplishment and money well spent.

Number 7- I currently have about 8 different WIPs I could work on. (well, I don’t know if I can even call them wips. More like, a general idea and a title written down.) I want to build good writing habits, and if I can write just 200 words a day, hell, even 200 words a week and just one of my 8 stories done, I would consider this goal met.

Number 8- I’m torn between making my game in unity or ren’py. I know jack shit about both. Ren’py is more user friendly, but unity will allow me more customization. (Lol, can you guess what kind of game I want to make yet?)

Number 9- I really just want the full story to be done and written incase anything goes horribly terribly wrong in my life and I find myself unable to continue making ghost switch in comic form. Then at least I can finish the story by other means, you know?

Number 10- It always surprises me every month when I get that patreon email saying I got paid. Sure, I don’t even make double digits on it, but it still awes me enough to know that people out there like my work enough to throw me a tip. I can’t thank my patrons enough for supporting me and I hope to one day be in such a good place I can update my comic/song comics/writing frequently enough without need for goals or milestones. But until that magical day arrives, money is always a great incentive for anything, I suppose. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

ALRIGHT. PART 2 OF 2: SHIT THAT HAPPENED TO ME IN 2019

Cheesus crust what a year. This year started off great! Back in late January Kingdom Hearts 3 FINALLY released, and let me tell you a little story. Back in the summer of 2006 I was a 13 year old middle schooler with no way of making money other than by doing house hold chores at a rate of 25 cents a task. A few weeks ago, I had a sleep over at a friend’s house and they let me play this weird game called “Kingdom Hearts” and god, I was instantly hooked on it. That summer, I did over 800 chores, enough to earn myself 200$ and buy myself a playstation 2 (just in time for the ps3 to come out, gg me) The only games I had for the ps2 were KH1, 2, Re:CoM and Okami, and I beat them all… except Okami. Miffed that the PS3 wouldn’t allow for backwards compatibility, little 13-year-old me made a promise. I looked myself in the mirror and said “I will not buy the next playstation console until KH3 comes out, AND BOY that was probably a good choice for me to make with my level of gaming. I’m even less of a casual gamer than the average casual gamer, but I have been waiting 13 years for this piece of closure, and I even told my friends and family that “the day Kingdom Hearts 3 comes out is the day I will buy a playstation 4”. My dad apparently thought this was the funniest shit, because he literally took the day off from work that Friday to drive me on base to get the game and console (he thought it would be less crowded than a regular walmart, I suppose). I paid $400 on a ps4 pro while he bought me the game. Again, I have an impecible sense of timing seeing as the PS5 is now right on the horrizion, but just like before, I’m not buying a new console until the next KH game is released. See you in 2045, sony~. While I was at the gamestop on base, I also picked up Okami HD and The Last Guardian. For all of February and even early March, I took my time playing through KH3. And…! It was the best disappointment I’ve ever played. After a month away from gaming, I started The Last Guardian and finished it in a couple weeks. I love trico and would die for him, but trying to get 100% completion on that game is udder insanity. Okami, HD, however… again after a month break after finishing TLG, I started replaying Okami. I think I had only managed to get about halfway through the game before I just… stopped playing it on my ps2 version. I am currently SO CLOSE to getting a 100% on the ps4 version. In fact, I’ve beaten the game. I only (techinically) need 2 more trophies to be done; 1st, escape the water dragon without being eaten, 2nd, I need to beat that dumb stupid race with Kai, in order to get the last bead on my rosary, as well as the top dog trophy. I hate her so much. I hate this race so much. It’s awful and bad.

Flash forward to December! Earlier this month I was at Barnes and Noble, buying myself a planner for 2020. I exit the store and notice that there’s a gamestop across the street. For shits and giggles I go inside to look at their game selection, and I find KH 1.5 and 2.5. Now, my PS2 died a few years back (it just won’t read my discs anymore, I don’t know why) and I haven’t been able to replay any of my other kingdom hearts games since. If you had seen me the day I finished kingdom hearts 3, after the ending credits rolled, you would have heard me say “Man…. I wish I could play kingdom hearts 2 again”. AND NOW I CAN, ALONG WITH BBS which I had never even played yet, but knew the story of. I’ve restarted playing kh1, and I was so happy to hear that familiar music when I booted the game up for the first time. While at the game stop, I also picked up Rime and Tearaway, two games that had looked interesting to me. At the time of writing, I’ve finished Rime and am 25% done with tearaway. Rime was…. An interesting experience. I learned about it through Jacksepticeye’s channel a couple years back and thought the art style was enticing. For a super casual gamer like me, I found the puzzles just the right level of challenging and exploring was a blast! The music gave me VERY strong Princes Mononoke vibes, but the overall story left something to be desired. Overall I had fun, and enjoyed completing this game to 100%. Now for tearaway. Can I just say this game is super fucking adorable? I know the original was on the ps vita and the gameplay there was arguably more diverse and imaginative, but this game is just so fucking cute I don’t care?? ALSO, this game’s sound track is ABSOLUTELY incredible and I’ve only heard the first fourth of it! Listen to The Orchards, Pig Riding, and Gibbet Hill Pilgrimage for a taste of their wonderful beats and fantastic use of string and woodwinds! God, I’m so excited to get some more games in 2020. I’m proud to say I currently own more ps4 games than I ever did with my ps2 (and now the majority AREN’T Kingdom Hearts titles!), and I’m still hoping to play Journey, The Witness, and Abzu before everything becomes ps5.

What else happened to me this year. Oh, I went to a doctor for, like, the first time in seven years. I also had my blood drawn for the first time ever, and the nurse said the most disturbing thing to me while she did it. Now, whenever I get shots, I refuse to look. I did that here. So she thought it would be appropriate to say to me “Can you feel your blood leaving your body?” Lady… You can clearly see I am uncomfortable with what is happening here. Why, of all the things you could say, did you choose to say that. Unfortunately, while my doctor is nice, she keeps wanting to run tests on me, that I just cannot afford with my current salary, and my monthly insurance is about to go up to 200$ a month, so I’ve cancelled my next appointment with them, and don’t plan to go back until it’s absolutely necessary. Capitalism is fun, guys. Preventative healthcare is for wusses.

I started going to a chiropractor on a monthly basis. Story time- I don’t know when it started, but sometime late last November I began to notice that I had a headache that just... wasn’t... going away? And each day it was starting to get a little worse. It made it hard for me to find a comfortable position to sleep, it made it hard for me to be in bright areas or move fast. So I said to myself “Okay, if this headache persist through the month of december, then something is proooobably wrong and I should go see someone about it. And hoo-boy were thing wrong with me. By the time this January rolled around, I couldn’t even stay on my feet for more than a few hours without it physically hurting to just BREATHE. So I started going to this chain called The Joint (A+ name, I know). THey aksed me “How are you doing?” I said “I’m in pain” and they said “We can help fix that!”. I’ve only been to a chiropractor once before in my life a few years back after my freshmen year of college because I began to notice my hips weren’t able to support me? LIke, I would lie on my back, and I couldn’t push my hips up when my feet were flat on the floor. I also couldn’t climb anything steep, because my legs just couldn’t push me up if my knee had to bend more than 90 degrees when I lifted my leg up. (Turned out both my hips were apparently out of place). This time only one of my hips were out of place (which they fixed. they said one of my legs was an inch “longer” than the other because I had been leaning all my weight on one leg when I stand). But two of my ribs were apparently “Stuck” which was why it was hurting for me to just breathe, and one of my shoulders was missaligned too, causing one of my trap muscles to constantly be streched, which was pulling on my skull, and causing the headache. Anyway, after they popped all my bones back into place, I still felt terrible, but by god, that night was the first time in weeks I was able to sleep without a migrane. A chiropractor can’t magically heal your arthritis, or fibro, but I definately think they have merit to keeping your posture good and helping your body with things like circulation. 10 outa 10, would recomend. It’s all the fun of getting your neck snapped without the dying!

Earlier this month I got together with two of my friends and we baked Christmas cookies. It was a lot of fun, as well as a great learning experience. A member of my family has a gluten allergy, so we used rice flour for most of the cookies. We learned this is a bad idea! The cookies will just fall apart! A few member’s in one of the friend’s family have nut allergies. Other friend and I knew this and were careful to avoid cookie recipes with nuts, bUT THEN COMPLETELY FORGOT THAT ALMOND MILK AND ALMOND EXTRACT COUNT AS NUT. IN FACT, ALMOND EXTRACT IS PURE CONCENTRATED NUT JUICE AND WE FELT SO BAD FOR ALMOST ACCIDENTALLY POISONING THE FAMILY.

Earlier this year me and these same friends took a field trip to Hobby Lobby and just dicked around the store for a couple of hours. It was super fun, 11 outa 10, would recommend, a great date idea for your artsy S.O.

Back in May I went to a wedding for the first time in my life. (well, not true, but the first one I could remember) we left at 5am, drove 5 hours to get there, hung out at a zoo and spent the night in a la quinta before the wedding day. I slept on the bathroom floor because my mom was snoring too loud in the main room and keeping me awake, and the rest of the day was just spent me trying to keep myself together because I was pissed off and tired.

Other than all of that, nothing really major happened to me this year. I guess one more thing I’ve tried to do this year is started the process of breaking certain internet addictions so I can use my free time for more personal projects. Seriously, I found myself watching way too much youtube and following blogs that didn’t even make me happy. I had a personal intervention with myself where I sat down and asked myself, “why do you watch these videos and youtubers? Why do you follow these blogs? Do you really enjoy their content? Do you really care? If you stopped watching/following them, would you even notice?” After critically thinking it over, I’ve found myself unfollowing several channels and blogs and suddenly I feel so much happier. I thought I would miss it, but I realized I didn’t really care if I saw their content or not. I wasn’t missing much. And now I feel like I have more time to draw, read and write. If you think you spend too much time consuming and not enough time creating, I suggest you try and de-clutter your internet habits as well. It’s done wonders to un-fuck my headspace.

And… well, that about sums up my year. How are your holidays going? Anything fun, exciting, dramatic happen to you this year? I hope your new year is warm and safe! Good night, everybody!

#new year's resolutions #year in review #long post #(seriiously this think is like 3k words)

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hannahmcne · 5 years

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Lost on the Case - Chapter 2

"Natalie, I need you to schedule a meeting with our representatives in Sweden."

Natalie sighed as she shuffled through the dozens of files strewn on the floor from ten years ago. She was cleaning out all the old papers to make room for next year.

"I'll do that as soon as I'm done refreshing my office," Natalie promised. She crossed off a few items on her check register and tossed some crumbling receipts into the trash. As Gabriel Agreste's heels clicked away, Natalie opened the last filing cabinet, which held financial statements from the bank. She uncapped three different colored highlighters and went to work, only to feel a pang in her chest as she glimpsed the details of certain payments.

$100 worth of Camembert Cheese. $20 withdrawal under the label of 'Nino's Birthday'. 5$ Ladybug Socks.

Though it had been almost ten years, Natalie still felt pained every time she imagined the boy's sunshine hair and sweet smile. It was still hard for her to imagine that he could have been hiding enough sorrow to kill himself underneath his polite, optimistic front.

She balanced the books, noting with a smile the copious requests for Camembert cheese, and remembering how young Adrien had fantasized over Ladybug. There were numbers from Gabriel's accounts mixed in, of course, along with company expenses. Orders for materials and buttons and thread; the whole lot.

Her eyes drifted down. Gabriel's old new phone, check. New and updated Ladybug Action Figures, check. She picked up the next statement and stopped. 40,000 euro withdrawal? When?

She checked Gabriel's statement. There was no mention of forty-thousand euros up and disappearing. She studied the card number beside the transaction and recognized the last four numbers on the card. Adrien. Adrien's card.

Why would Adrien withdraw forty-thousand euros?

What puzzled her more was the lack of a label. Had Adrien forgotten his card somewhere and someone picked it up? Why hadn't this been discovered?

She stood up and turned on her computer to look at the digitalized records for the month after Adrien's desk. All funds and bonds that had existed for the boy in event of something happening had been dissolved back into Gabriel's account upon Adrien's death, but according to her statements, Adrien had only had 300 euros in his separate accounts and in his wallet, which had been left in his workbag.

Natalie pressed her finger on the intercom button on her desk. A red light came on. A few seconds later, Gabriel's voice crackled through the speaker.

"Yes, Natalie?" He asked.

"Sir, were you aware that Adrien withdrew 40,000 euros-" Natalie paused to check the date, "-two weeks before he died?"

There was silence on the other end, and then a rustle of papers. "Forty-thousand euros?" Gabriel asked. He sounded shocked.

"Yes," Natalie confirmed.

"No. No, I was not aware. Where is the money now?"

"Missing. Only three hundred were returned to you." Natalie stated.

"File a claim and notify the police. A sum that large shouldn't be that hard to track down."

"Yes sir," Natalie replied. She took her finger off the intercom button and drummed her fingers on the desk. She glanced at her phone on her desk. Adrien had had friends… very good friends that he might have lent money too. After all, most of his friends had very extensive, expensive hobbies. The Fashion designer, the reporter, the DJ… he could have given it to them as a way of apologizing for not being around much longer. Natalie bit her lip, considering, and then reached for her phone.

Alya piled pens, her phone, and clothes on top of her notebook and lugged her small load down the hall into the bathroom. Nino appeared in the doorway as she started the tub.

"Going for a bath?" Nino asked.

"Yup," Alya confirmed with a frown. She sat down on the closed toilet lid. "Something about Marinette isn't sitting right with me. Someone must have gone rooting through her room because she didn't have those things on her."

"Is it possible she sold the purse?" Nino asked with a sigh, repeating his thesis from earlier. His tone betrayed his opinion: Alya was going off on a tangent again when she should be focusing on her work project.

"What about the photo of us?" Alya challenged.

"She could have moved it." Nino rolled his eyes. "Not everything has to be a mystery, Al."

"Where? And what about her diary?" Alya bit her cheek and tapped her knees. "I dunno Nino. It doesn't seem… likely."

"The diary is probably lost in her room." Nino sighed, sitting down on the floor. "Okay, I know I can't stop you, but... have you even opened the Ladybug file yet?"

Alya blinked. "Huh?" She asked.

Nino rolled his eyes. "Oh, you know, the super-important file that only one person in the department gets the opportunity to work on per year and that may or may not hold the secrets to where she and Chat went?"

Alya winced at his sarcasm. "Yeah, yeah, sorry, I just tuned out." She traced a finger on the wall. "No, I haven't opened it yet, it's just- my reporter senses are tingling. There's more to this story. I'm sure of it."

"You said that when Sabrina took a new job working for Nathaniel." Nino protested.

"Yeah, and there was! She was totally into him!" Alya defended herself though her ears turned a little red.

"They were dating, Alya." Nino annunciated very slowly.

"What about Marc?" Alya wrinkled her nose.

"They were taking a break while Marc was in Versailles." Nino sighed, leaning his head back in frustration.

"Yeah, but she left Chloe to work there!" Alya reminded him, waving her hands a little.

"Chloe fired her." Nino deadpanned.

"Exactly!" Alya exploded.

"They had a routine hiring/firing of each other every six months for almost three years." Nino reminded her.

Alya wilted. Nino sighed. "Just, don't go crazy on me." Alya nodded. Nino stood up and walked away.

"Hey, Nino?" Alya called. He paused and turned around. "I love you," Alya hummed.

Nino cracked a smile. "I love you too." Alya smiled and shut the door in between them. She upended an unholy amount of bubble bath into the tub as it continued filling.

Now… to think. She opened her notebook and selected a pen to tap as she thought. The sound of the water helped her focus. She found a blank page and wrote: "Problem:" At the top. Then she paused. What was the problem? Something was unsettling her. What was it?

Marinette's things were missing, but why did that alarm her so much?

Alya took a deep breath. Okay, Marinette's things are gone, so where did they go? Problem: Where are Marinette's missing things?

Okay, now she needed a Pathway to Solutions. Options. What options did she have? Nino was right, the purse or the ring could have been sold. She highly doubted the picture, or Marinette's diary would have been sold, but you never know. Or maybe Marinette had simply thrown them out. But that didn't sound right either. Marinette wouldn't toss out her grandmother's ring or her favorite picture of her best friend. Someone could have taken them. The ring was valuable, and the purse was pretty. But why would anyone take a teenage girl's diary or a cutout photo of two friends? And how would they have gotten up there? They'd have had to come through the trapdoor or evaded Sabine and Tom completely as they stalked up the stairs. But then why not take her computer or sewing machine? It could be they would have had to have snuck back down past the shop owners, but a trip like that didn't seem worth it for only a purse and a ring.

Or maybe… Marinette moved it herself. But even that had faults. That photo had been hanging since they were in Ecole. Why move it then? And that purse wasn't used half as much as Marinette's day-to-day purse. Alya had only ever seen her use it at Christmas or Easter. And Marinette's grandmother's ring was too big for her little fingers. She kept it on the display for a reason – she couldn't wear it. On top of all this, she knew for a fact Marinette hadn't stored her diary in any other place other than the Magic Box since she'd first made the thing and had the incident with Chloe and Sabrina.

Alya scribbled down all of her ideas and stared at them. They all seemed equally useless. Every single one had too many problems. She groaned and shut off the water to the tub. She buried her notebook under a towel for safekeeping and stripped down to climb in.

As she lay in the sea of bubbles, she tried to think up less flimsy options. Her cold toes tingled in the water. She washed her hair, shaved, and grew too restless to sit in the tub anymore. Finally, she toweled off and stood up. She turned on the fan in the bathroom and dragged her things back to the bedroom. Nino looked up at her from his tablet. He chuckled as she tossed her clothes and towel into the laundry hamper and began to angrily run a brush through her hair.

"Nothing?" He asked.

"Nothing!" She snapped back, angrily.

Nino rolled his eyes. "Bring your notebook over here and let's see what you have." Alya groaned and picked it up off the floor where it had landed. She sat down next to Nino and explained all of her thinking to him. Nino nodded as she reasoned with herself. When she was done, he asked: "Would she have these things with her at all?"

Alya thought hard. She imagined Marinette's missing poster. Then, she shook her head. "I don't think so. They would have reported Marinette having a bag on if she'd had one. And a ring, if she'd been wearing it. The diary is too big, and I don't know why she would have randomly taken the photo down."

Nino hmphed, but still scribbled it down as an option they'd tried. Alya drummed her fingers. "I need another lead." She muttered. I'm still missing something. Nothing can be solved from this angle."

A buzzing sound came from the floor. Alya scooted off the sheets and picked her phone up off the floor. An unknown number was calling. She denied the call. It would send the person to her voicemail. If they actually wanted to speak to her, the first thing they'd hear would be "Please call again, and I'll pick up this time."

She tucked the phone in her back pocket. It started to vibrate again. This time, Alya accepted the call.

"Alya Lahiffe speaking." She said.

"Ms. Ces-, I mean Mrs. Lahiffe, this is Natalie Sancour. I believe you may remember me? I'm Gabriel Agreste's personal assistant."

"Natalie Sancour. Yes, I remember. Why are you calling me?" Alya asked. In front of her, Nino scrunched up his eyebrows. Alya made a slashing motion at her throat. He knew Natalie a little better than he liked. She'd helped escort Nino out of Adrien's house several times.

"I'm calling to ask if you or your husband recall Adrien giving you any form of money or a particularly large or expensive gift before he died?" Natalie asked.

Alya raised an eyebrow at the odd request. "No, sorry ma'am. Nino?" She turned her direction towards Nino. "Do you remember Adrien giving you any money or a really big gift before he died?"

Nino looked very sad. He twiddled his thumbs as he thought. Finally, he shook his head no.

"Nino says he didn't get anything either. Why?" Alya asked.

"We recently discovered he took out a large sum of cash before his death, and we're trying to recover the lost money," Natalie explained, sounding a little annoyed and disheartened.

"How much?" Alya asked, picking up her pen and doodling a little scribble onto her notepad.

"Forty-thousand euros," Natalie admitted.

Alya must have gone white because Nino frowned in concern at her. "And that just, went missing?" She asked.

"He withdrew it two weeks before his death in cash with no memo or explanation. I only discovered it looking at old bank statements today." Natalie replied.

"Wow," Alya gasped.

Natalie hummed on the other end of the line. "I wonder if Ms. Dupain-Cheng would have received anything. As I understand it, they had an infatuation?"

Alya wrinkled up her nose. If only, if only. "No, ma'am. She liked Adrien, but he was oblivious in favor of Ladybug." She corrected.

"Pity. I can't imagine what the effect would have been if he'd had a girlfriend." Natalie mourned.

Alya felt all her frustrations egg up inside her. She couldn't imagine that either. On the other hand, Marinette had been kidnapped a few weeks after Adrien's death, so it might not have kept Adrien alive for very long, but the possibilities continued to annoy her.

"Well, I suppose I can't ask her at all," Natalie said. "Thank you for your time, Mrs. Lahiffe."

"Wait," Alya said suddenly. She furrowed her brow. "Is there any chance Adrien might have written it down somewhere? In a journal or in his phone?"

The line was silent. For a moment, Alya was sure Natalie had hung up. Then, she heard a door open and heels clicking on a tile floor. "He – did have a journal he wrote in occasionally. And his old phone is kept on his side table. The room hasn't been touched, you see."

Another door opened. Alya listened to Natalie mutter as she examined – Alya assumed – Adrien's room. After several long, quiet minutes of Alya picking at threads in their bedcovers, Natalie spoke up.

"That's odd… it's missing. I can't find his journal anywhere."

Alya almost dropped the phone. She took a few seconds to recover, and then asked: "Where did he keep it?"

"In the bookcase that held all his music disks. He usually never moved it."

Drawers were opened and shut. She heard Natalie humming in thought. "That's so strange… I can't find it."

Alya's mouth ran dry and she fumbled her phone up by her ear. "Natalie, I- would you mind if I dropped by tomorrow to zoom through his room? See, I've been working on another case where a missing diary is the only piece of evidence and I'm wondering…"

"You think they're linked?" Natalie deadpanned. She sounded about as half as skeptical as Nino, so still very, very skeptical.

"I don't know, but I'm going with my gut feeling," Alya replied, though she was wiping her hands on her legs and feeling rather nervous about the sudden random similarity.

"Interesting. What time would work best for you? It's a Saturday tomorrow." Natalie asked. Her heels were clicking on the floor again, so Alya assumed she was returning to her office.

"Can I come over early? Around nine?" Alya asked.

"I'll tell security to expect you. Goodnight Ms. Lahiffe." Natalie bid her.

The phone clicked.

Nino twiddled his thumbs. "So…" he began. "You think these two cases are linked?" He hadn't, of course, heard the full story, but he'd been listening to Alya as she spoke, and it wasn't hard to fill in the blanks.

"No, it doesn't seem likely. I mean, Adrien's dead. A body was recovered and everything. Marinette… unless it was a hit job against two young adults, they couldn't be linked." Alya said as she got up to turn off the lights. Nino flipped on the lamp.

"So… the reason you want to see his room?" Nino plugged in his tablet and put it on the nightstand.

"Honestly, I'm just wondering what information I can glean. And maybe the similar evidence will give me ideas for Marinette's case." Alya climbed into bed next to Nino. He shrugged and nodded, so she assumed he agreed with her level of thinking. The couple said goodnight, flipped off the lights, and fell asleep.

#miraculoustalesofladybugandcatnoir #miraculous ladybug #chat noir #ladynoir #nino x alya #alya cesaire #nino lahiffe #djwifi #carapace #rena rogue #paris #fanfic #mystery-thriller #gabriel agreste #marinette dupain cheng #adrien agreste #natalie sancoeur

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gothmedia · 6 years

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Youtube Drama

Okay, everyone’s freaking out over the drama going on youtube, but everyone’s just speaking over each other and completely missing any of the points being made. So, since a little clarity is always appreciated, we’re going to go through each point people are making, their misconceptions, and how they effect the subculture at large. 1. I’m too poor to be goth? A bunch of babybats have come put of the woodwork as of late saying they can’t afford to be goth. By this they tend to mean, they can’t afford to buy name brands such as Killstar or Punk Rave. They can’t afford to put together extravagant outfits and dress that way every single day. They can’t afford limited edition vintage Bauhaus vinyls or regal black velvet thrones to adorn their bedrooms. But do they really need all that? No. You just have to have an appreciation for the subculture and music. That’s it. You don’t need to buy an entire wardrobe worth more than a car. But this sentiment only goes so far. The older goths can’t reach the ears of the new comers as much and so the worry sets in. Heck, I still worry sometimes if I look “goth enough”. But I’ve been in the subculture for over a decade now and I realize that no matter what anyone says online, I’m still going to enjoy Sisters of Mercy and I’m still going to go to events and try to support the local scene. So what if I don’t have expensive clothes? I’m going to enjoy myself anyway. The subculture doesn’t revolve around Killstar’s marketing and that’s one of the reasons “#gothisnotkillstar” came about. (More on that later in the week!) You don’t need Killstar to be goth. You don’t need Punk Rave to be goth. You don’t need Demonia or Tripp or any of these expensive, fancy outfits to be part of a subculture. You are enough. Sure, seeing others post about their wonderfully spooky lives with their wonderfully spooky possessions on Instagram and Youtube is neat, but you have to remember that NO ONE is that way all day every day. Social media is something people curate and have control over. They’re only showing what they want you to see, but they too have to take a break and become a normal person once the camera is off. 2. DIY or Die. On the other side of things (Though this argument is more rare than the latter), you get people who are completely rejecting the consumerist approach to goth and are telling people that they need to only ever DIY all their clothes and goth completely rejects a fashion orientation at all. Which is also garbage. Yes, Goth is a music based subculture but it did have a strong style influence right from the get-go. Did it always look the way it does now? No, the style evolved over time into it’s own, highly identifiable self. Do you have to look like this 24/7? No, that’s ridiculous. Like hell I’m going to get dressed in a studded vest and custom chain belt to walk a block to the corner store to pick up Tums when my stomach hurts. I don’t even wash my hair to do that. For such a strong stance against name brand fashion, this group sure likes dictating what people should wear, saying DIY or die. I admit, DIY is pretty fun once you learn how to do it and you do truly get unique clothing and accessories out of it, but it does take time and skill. For a lot of the more intensive projects you need to learn how to sew, dye, paint... Sometimes attempts don’t work out like the time I tried to turn black boots red with a spray-on rubber that ended up cracking off. Sometimes materials like lace or studs or chains are expensive, sometimes you can’t find anything good to work with in thrift stores, and sometimes you’re just really bad at sewing. Not everyone has what it takes to DIY. That, however, shouldn’t turn people away from it. DIY is something that takes time to learn, but the process of doing it is really fun! It’s fun creating new and interesting looks, figuring out how to mess with something to make it your own and you end up with a one-of-a-kind piece all your own. But it’s not necessary. You don’t have to have a completely custom wardrobe just like you don’t have to have Killstar.

3. What any of this has to do with Youtube. So, what does this have to do with Youtube? Well, think of the most popular goth youtubers. You think of two. They’re pretty and very fancy and do a lot of haul videos with brands like Killstar. Is that a bad thing? Yes and no.They are their own people and these are their channels. They can make videos on whatever they want to and no one really has a say in that. Also, if an expensive clothing company sent me a box of free stuff and said, “You can keep this if you make a video,” I’d probably make a video. Everyone likes free stuff. It’s helpful to see some of these brands on actual people, too. I like the fact that neither of these people are a size small. Almost all marketing for brands such as Punk Rave and Killstar are on extra small models and that just isn’t everyone. I want to see how the dress will look on someone who isn’t model thin because I’m not model thin. If these brands advertised with models in a variety of sizes, shapes, skintones, and disabilities then maybe more people could see themselves in these outfits as well, but as it is they don’t and the only way anyone sees something that looks remotely like themselves will be these try-on hauls. But what happens when that’s the epitome of goth youtube? New-comers to the subculture will think that’s what goth in it’s entirety is. I’ve met a few new goths who are like this and were shocked when I said I didn’t own any Killstar. It creates a mind-frame that to be in the subculture you have to buy this one (frankly overpriced) brand and that’s it. Is this the fault of BlackFriday and Toxic Tears? Sort-of?They’re considered influencers now. They INFLUENCE the younger generation of goths and they influence how people outside the subculture see goth. Sure, they’re popular, but they’re popular because they’re not only watched by goths but also people into fashion and mainstream viewers. They refuse to do anything outside of fashion to avoid fights about music and the “gothier than thou” crowd, but they fail to realize they’re creating these people themselves. There’s a handful of people in youtube comments who go on the pages of lesser known goth youtubers telling them they need to look extreme to be goth and they cite It’sBlackFriday and Toxic Tears as examples of how a goth should look. They also deride the people who delve deeper than the fashion as elitists, a word that’s simply getting out of hand now. If someone wants to talk about the subculture and it’s music you get tons of little gothlings telling them that they’re gatekeeping the subculture and that you don’t have to listen to goth music to be goth. Then they turn around and gatekeep on what name brand clothes others aren’t wearing which is frankly silly. The subculture is more than clothing and you have to dig a little deeper to find other goth youtubers with more than fashion and hauls on their channels. Speaking of hauls, that’s another point of contention. It’s not only that these name brands are all over youtube now, but that they’re being advertised by people in haul videos. In these videos, the youtuber gets sent a large package of free things from the company and is told that they can keep the items if they make a video on it. Good for them, but the viewers are the ones who will be spending money on these items. Yes, the youtubers say their reviews are non-biased, but they were just sent several EXTREMELY expensive pieces of clothing for free. The dress might be nice, but is it $300 nice? Specifically from Killstar, many of their clothing items are similar to those found elsewhere for much cheaper. How does this get fixed on the web, then? A solution that makes everyone happy. For one thing, influencer youtubers could do a bit more than fashion. It’sBlackFriday used to do really funny skit videos with Mr. Owl back in the day and they are missed. Toxic Tears had two videos for “What not to say to goth girls” and I’d look forward to a third one. Funny videos about the subculture are sorely wanted because now-a-days we take ourselves WAY too seriously for people who look like rejects from Dracula. If they want to keep the fashion spin, they can talk about the history of the fashion as well. Where did all the circus and cabaret themed stuff from the mid 2000s go? I miss it. They can showcase designers and small businesses within the subculture, not just big name fast fashion companies. Places that make truly unique clothes, places that fit all sizes and shapes. They can point goths in the directions of other youtubers/podcasts/blogs that they might learn from. Simply teaching babybats about goth isn’t an elitist thing to do. The newcomers should WANT to learn more if they actually like the subculture. And overall, they need to space out the haul videos. Not only is it making the impression that one needs a five thousand dollar wardrobe on hand at all times to be goth, but it also makes for a really boring playlist. Toxic Tears has started doing some little DIY stuff which is pretty cute and hopefully It’sBlackFriday will do something or other. Perhaps vlogs about goth festivals? I know she’ll be attending one on the other side of the country soon so that should be interesting. This can be fixed, it just needs a little work and it needs us as viewers to stop having such a stick up the ass about what goth should look like. 4. It’s okay to shop at Walmart. Or Target. Or any regular store at the mall. In fact, I suggest getting all your basics at super cheap places like these. You shouldn’t be breaking bank on a black t-shirt and jeans. You could also go thrifting. I recently found a blazer that I loved in a thrift store. (They also had a Shrine vest for $20! You never know what you might find.) But never feel bad because you got something from a “mainstream” store. Not only are they good for basics, sometimes you can find pieces to practice DIY on (I did this with a vest from Target.) or sometimes they sell something that just speaks to your aesthetic. (Black lace and fishnet were really in last fall season.) It’s okay if you have normal clothes and aren’t goth all day every day. I have a day job where I wear a yellow polo and kakis and sell churros. Am I less goth? No. Some may claim that not being decked out all the time will make me a weekender, but I’m still running this blog and try to contribute to the subculture. But I have bills to pay. I have a cat to feed. Sometimes you have to sacrifice a bit of freedom of expression just to get by and you can get back in black and fall asleep to Thoushaltnot on the way home on the bus. Just don’t worry about it. You don’t need to DIY everything you own. You don’t need to buy name brand boots. You don’t need to be Instagram ready 24/7. Just enjoy the subculture. And maybe look up some of those other youtubers. Angela Benedict has some great storytime videos on drama not partnering to Killstar.

#gothgoth #goth #gothisnotkillstar #drama

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is6621 · 6 years

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In-Flight Entertainment at its Finest! - Matt Razek

I recently took a non-stop flight from Boston to LA for a conference and am constantly amazed at how in-flight entertainment has changed over the years. Gone are the days of large phones that you need to swipe your credit card to make a quick call from the air.

While scheduling and specific airlines are still important criteria for individuals to think about when flying, some will consider all of the perks that they get just by purchasing a ticket to be on the flight. Whether you are flying for 60 minutes or 20 hours, in-flight time used to be a time to disconnect from the outside world and read, listen to music, sew, knit, talk to your neighbor, nap, etc. Now, many individuals feel more connected to the outside world because, well, what else are you going to do in an enclosed tube in the sky for 20 hours except for find something to do with technology? My recent 6 hour flight was some of the most productive time I’ve had all month because I was able to focus on what I needed to do and didn’t have the distractions of those around me. I was able to utilize the perks that my airline provided in order to make for a more enjoyable experience.

Many of the main airlines have a pretty detailed in-flight plan. The top 5 for best plan, as described by SmarterTravel, are:

Virgin America

JetBlue

Singapore Airlines

Air Canada

Emirates

These airlines all typically offer wifi. Airlines have gone from having 1-2 screens on the entire plane that passengers could choose to watch the one movie option playing throughout the flight. Now, passengers get to choose what they want to watch; in most cases this is also free. Take JetBlue. They have TV screens on most of their flights that allow for individuals to choose what they want to watch individually. They also offer free wifi. The quality of their wifi is much stronger than even other companies who ask you to pay for it on the flight. While I wouldn’t put Southwest on the same level, they do offer other perks. Southwest charges $8/day for not the most easily available wifi. Though, their entertainment perks work out if you have your own device that can connect to the internet. For free, just by connecting to wifi and having an internet-enabled device, you can watch TV, movies, and shows. Additionally, on both of these airlines, you have the opportunity to track your flight and know exactly where you are at all times. One article compared the feeling on some flights of feeling like you are “back in your living room”.

In the end, all of these additional perks are costing airlines lots of money and some have even talked over the last few years about trying to pair down televisions and other forms of entrainment. However, living in the digital age, it will be easy to predict how customers will react. Customers consider more perks in their decision than they do most other things. For instance, a 6 hour Frontier flight may not be worth no wifi or internet capability; whereas, a 6 hour JetBlue flight (for a slightly more expensive price) is definitely worth the brand new movie releases, music, TV, and more.

As for the future, there are definitely opportunities for airlines to continue improving their in-flight media entertainment. It will be important for them to take customer feedback into consideration. Airlines will attract different types of customers; do what it is that your customers would recommend on a typical flight. One article commented on intense technology changes on the horizon including removing all windows from the plane and having high-definition screens along the floor, ceiling, and walls of the plane (all angles) that would show what is going on outside of the plan to everyone - regardless of where their seat is. As you can see in the chart above, the global flying market is projected to continue to grow into the future, so it would make sense for airlines to invest in their entertainment systems. I know it definitely made my flight much more bearable, and as I said above, made it feel like I was home in my living room just doing some work. I wonder what fun things they’ll come up with next!

http://mentalfloss.com/article/81518/11-amenities-youll-see-airliner-future

https://www.smartertravel.com/top-5-airlines-flight-entertainment/

https://www.virgin.com/travel/how-has-inflight-entertainment-developed-over-time

https://www.flightnetwork.com/blog/history-inflight-entertainment-photos/

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okaywowcool · 6 years

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Let’s Talk About ASOS’s New Sub Brand, Collusion.

ASOS just released a new sub brand called Collusion, a collaboration between ASOS and young influencers (who seem to be taking on some kind of design or curator role for their first collection, though to what extent is unclear) which purports to be specifically for young folks “coming of age,” which seems to be defined loosely--the 6 influencers involved at launch are 18 - 23, but older and younger faces seem to be featured in ad campaigns and on their social media accounts.

first of all, the line itself is very cool. the brand immediately makes some bold claims...things we’re used to seeing at this point from a lot of brands looking to make a buck off of progressive millennial and gen z shoppers, about size inclusivity (which is what we’ll be tackling in the most detail for this little post), experimental fashion, and a vague statement about the collaborative aspect of the line. we also get some more concrete claims, that everything is animal free and that the “majority” of their cotton is sustainably sourced.

i of course was instantly interested, the website was cute...

and their mission for fashion was insanely close to things that i’ve written for my own brand on my website.

all the listings on the site immediately take you back through to ASOS’ page for adding to cart and checking out however, so you’re back to seeing the typical ASOS model look and product listing page there.

the prices are also quite good (more could be obviously said to this subject, the cotton may be sustainable, but who knows the wages of the workers are making these products & i’m not aware of enough to even comment on it in more detail than that), with the most expensive pieces being still under $100 (for coats and jackets) but the majority of the line being well under $50, in the $20 - $40 range.

the models being used in campaigns are cute and refreshing, i like that brands are willing to take risks on more “real” looking people right now, though plenty of indie brands have been doing this for years w/ zero accolades so i have to admit (as one of those indie brands) that it is frustrating to have fast fashion brands get rewarded for inclusivity that would be considered bare minimum for most actual artists.

i like their choice of influencers for this first collection and feel like the actual pieces and concerns that the influencers are bringing up are timely and that the final result of their collaboration (to whatever extent they were involved) feels like it rings true from the statements in their bios on the collusion site.

plus size representation (for a brand that specifically claims to be size inclusive) is strangely absent in their first group of influencers, and on their social media...it’s a hole that i feel like is very much felt once you start looking at their actual plus sized offering.

there’s not really any across the board sizing, usually i would expect all pieces in a collection to come in at least a specific size range, but these are kind of randomly distributed where the pieces are true plus sized and where they are not. when you break it down, there are literally only 10 pieces total that come in a size US 16 and above...which is an XL in most retailers.

(no, literally. that’s all of them. i’ve zoomed out so you’re able to see all of these pieces at once.)

20 pieces come in a 2XL (which is the highest size they list in most of their dialogue about the size inclusivity) that are all unisex, jackets and tops.

(a little more fun at least, though i’m getting extremely sick of boring cishet people thinking “unisex” means “boxy top” and nothing else ever)

with many of the pieces designed to fit oversized, i feel like most folks would be able to fit in those 20 unisex pieces, but they’re not necessarily the best pieces in the line by my standards...with the Actual 10 plus sized garments being even more basic.

now, i’ve gone and picked up two of the dresses from that list of 10 plus sized pieces (both shown in the header above), the stripe midi dress (plus version / straight sized version) and the black roll neck sweater dress (plus version / straight sized version). luckily the sizes aren’t priced differently, and i thought the price on both of those pieces was really good, so i’m eager to see how they actually fit IRL. but i thought from those photos that the pieces were actually sewn to fit pretty differently for a plus sized consumer, and i’m a bit baffled about why.

i’ve seen on shows like project runway, tim gun faces the workroom during a “real bodies” style sewing challenge and says something about how plus sized bodies are different and so you should make different silhouettes for them, but it’s never been something i’ve personally subscribed to. if i buy an oversized smock dress, or an oversized sweatshirt, and it’s actually coming to me in plus sizes, i expect it to come looking the same on me how it does on the straight sized model, specifically in terms of the fit and drape.

before one of y’all heathens comments some useless nonsense, let me explain what i’m talking about just with the two images above as a representative example. now obviously changes in height and body proportion are one thing, but the neckline on the straight sized dress looks higher, like a mock neck, the sleeves are slightly off the shoulder, the waist line is more dropped, the bodice fits more loosely, the sleeves appear longer (which might be accounted for by the plus model just having longer arms or being taller) and there’s enough fullness to the skirt for the straight sized dress that it almost appears pleated. the plus size silhouette is missing all of that, like almost looking like a designer knock off of the dress on the left and missing a lot of the charm that the dress on the left has in terms of what it is doing, visually.

maybe it’s just me but it is almost wacky looking to me in terms of difference. i’m hoping half of it is the photos that they’ve selected for this plus sized model (which aren’t at all very fashion...y....if that makes sense lol) but it’s kind of an issue i noticed with all of the pieces that are truly “plus sized” in the line up.

the sweater has a lot of the same problems, mostly in the fit through the torso in this case, but the slight bubble hem on the sweater dress on the left is something that seems that it would be accounted for by the actual cut and shape of the garment and something that shouldn’t be affected by the model’s body at all.

why even advertise your line as size inclusive when you’re altering major selling points to the garments to put them on plus sized bodies? or even more seriously, why advertise your line as size inclusive PERIOD when only 30 (if you’re counting the unisex and the truly plus sized pieces, let’s be generous lol) out of 152 pieces are size inclusive?

ASOS might be gauging response to see how this line does before expanding their size range, who knows. but i also don’t really feel like i owe companies benefit of the doubt...especially when there are companies doing this. the response to target’s wild fable line within the plus sized community was immediately so passionate as well--brands who are actually doing this and coming out of the gate doing it are doing well, a huge brand like ASOS shouldn’t be that timid to begin with...if that’s even their reasoning. i don’t even know anymore with brands claiming this as a label, sometimes i feel like brands are claiming these socially-conscious labels just to appeal to specific types of consumers....like claiming the animal free label when your garments are majority cotton and synthetic fibers just seems kind of intellectually dishonest to me, but who knows. i know just personally i feel like i fall for these kind of things every time but then end up almost always disappointed once i go to the actual page and see all the listings--big brands love to claim these things but then the follow through always feels so low effort to me. maybe they’re just too big to care enough to try and also not afraid enough of the blow back, while the little guys like myself or someone like big bud press or premme are scratching w/ everything we’ve got to actually genuinely stay true to our word, who knows.

regardles, i’m looking forward to these pieces coming in the mail, and also am interested in what this brand does next...if they stick to their claims and actually sell more plus size, affordable clothing, i think they could make some really cool stuff. i’m hoping to review these pieces for here when they come in, and will let you all know how that goes.

what do you guys think about this brand? what do you guys think about brands hopping on the plus size train so late, and also so lazily? (looking @ you, dollskill’s plus size line lmao) are you planning to pick anything up for yourself? i’m interested in hearing others’ thoughts! <3

#asos #collusion #plus size fashion #plus size clothing #fatshion #body positive #fat acceptance #fat positive #let's talk #okaywowtext

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witchescompendium · 6 years

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Sunday School Week 6 and 7 Sabbats, Esbats and The Wheel of The Year

SUNDAY SCHOOL WEEK 6 & 7

SABBATS, ESBATS AND THE WHEEL OF THE YEAR

WHEEL OF THE YEAR:

The Wheel turns and so do we, changing as the forces of nature change, our powers ebb and flow, wax and wane, we move on a mystic cycle that we seldom realize. But take a moment if you will and look at yourself now, in this season. (As I am writing we are in late Spring) You may feel you are eager to be outside, to work in nature to start new projects or begin a new adventure, its natural in the Spring to feel this way because nature is waking, it is in full bloom and plants are blooming, wildlife is giving birth and we are finally away from the winters cold dark hold.

As the season change so do we. Our minds, bodies and spirits acclimate to the changes, as the Winter comes we retreat within and often we get down, as we turn to the Spring we become more awake, and shaking off the gathered grime of the past season, and then we move to Summer, where we tend to be more active and free. As the Fall comes on we begin to settle down and start nesting, preparing for winter and repeat.

As the Wheel of the Year turns, it brings about more than the seasons, it brings opportunities, possibilities and magic, all we have to do is to be open to them. We are presented with so many chances and opportunities we just have to be willing to take them and be open to receive them.

As the Wheel Turns we go through the cycles of life and the seasons, but we also turn with the phases of the moon. This affect us just the same as the changing of the seasons, bring us to different awakenings, and pulls. The Moon affects our spiritual and emotional energies as the season do our physical and mental.

The Wheel of the year is divided into 4 quarters, each of these quarters contains two Sabbats and in a normal year 3 Esbats, per quarter there are 1 major and 1 minor Sabbat. The Wheel turning, as it is known, follows the path of the sun and the Sabbats and Esbats mark times of growth and enlightenment along the way.

SABBATS:

The Sabbats fall to the seasons, and a particular time of the year. They originally marked important dates or times in the cycle of life and nature, much of our ancstors survival depended on the timing of these particular festivals to begin planting, and harvesting, breeding live stock and other things. The Sabbats are divided into two groups, major and minor. The minor Sabbats mark the cross quarters, or the the two solstices and two equinoxes, while the Major Sabbats mark the midpoints between them. The Four Major Sabbats are:

Samhain, Imbolc, Beltane, Lammas.

The Minor Sabbats are:

Ostara, Litha, Mabon and Yule.

The Sabbats are Solar festivals, each one representing a different aspect or trait, and a cycle of life, depending upon its placement in the wheel. Depending upon the tradition and the practice of a particular wiccan, pagan, witch or coven, can also depend on when the wheel starts over and ends the old year. Some will say Samhain (as is generally a traditional approach) others say Yule, (this too is fitting do to the practice and celebration of the day)

BREAK DOWN OF THE SABBATS:

I like to begin with Samhain, 1. Its my favorite sabbat, and 2. Because I practice that the Wheel turns to Samhain and begins again, it’s the witches new year. You can adjust to your own liking and preference as with anything you learn here. This is a bases a guide for you to discover your own path, or build off of this one.

SAMHAIN: Also known as, All Hallow's Eve, All Saints' Day, All Hallows, Day of All the Saints, Feast of All Saints, Solemnity of All Saints, All Souls Day, Ancestors Night, or Feast of the Dead and more commonly HALLOWEEN. One of the Major sabbats. Falls on October 31 or the first full moon of Scorpio. Samhain is probably one of the most infamous witches holidays and is still seen in bad context among many groups and people. It is also seen as one of the Highest of holidays and most important among the practice. (Beltane being its equal) Samhain is the night of the thing veil, when the departed may cross to the land of the living once more, magic is said to be strongest and highest on this night. Samhain is the time to celebrate the harvest, to plan for the coming year, and to remember the ancestors and be thankful for their journey, that has paved the way for your footing now. It’s a time to reflect on the past year and honor our loved ones no longer with us. It begins the time of rest and the time of darkness upon the year as we begin to transcend into the Dark Half of the year. Samhain is also known as the Witches New Year. We honor the Great God who departs this world on this day and journeys to the afterlife. Many of the traditions of the modern Halloween are part of the customs of old, such as dressing in costumes, carving jack o lanterns and the spirits of our departed, can be reflected in the modern ghost.

YULE: Also known as, Alban Arthuan, Saturnalia, Winter Solstice, Mid Winter. Falls on the Winter Soltice, (Between Dec 21-23) The origins of many of the Christmas traditions. One of the Minor Sabbats. Yule is about rebirth, the return of hope and the return of the Sun God who brings the Light. From the Winter Solstice we know the days will get longer and warmer and as the sun is reborn we are offered a fresh start and a new day. Yule is when we celebrate the sun god who departed us at Samhain, returning, reborn to the Great Mother Goddess, now in the aspect of the Crone, and with his return we are reminded that nothing ever goes away forever, we are all reborn and return.

IMBOLC: Also known as, Bride's day, Candlemas, Candlemas Day,Brigantia, Groundhog Day, Festival of Lights. Falls on February 2 or the first Full Moon of Aquarius. This is one of the Major Sabbats, Imbolc is about brushing off the winter and setting ourselves to de-clutter and de-stress from the winter. At Imbolc we light candles and fires, it is a festival of light after all. We light the candles to drive away the shadow and welcome the sun back into the world as the sun slowly gains power and the God grows. We also do this to help light the spark of inspiration and creativity within and to prepare for the seaon of growing that is coming.

OSTARA: Also known as, Alban Eilir, Eostar, Eostre, Lady Day,Vernal Equinox, falls on March 20-23, (The Spring Equinox), one of the minor sabbats. Ever wonder why people dye eggs at Easter? Or how the Bunny fits into the Easter story? Well Ostara is a sabbat about rebirth, and awakening. Growth and renewal are the themes for this day. At Ostara the Day and Night are equal, and the male and female energies balanced. The Rabbit and the eggs are both signs of fertility, as this would be a time when the earth begins to stir and life begins to blossom and awaken all around us. A perfect time to begin to expand on those plans made and begin sewing the seeds for your future.

BELTANE: Also known as, Beltain, Beltainne, Beltaine, Bealtaine, Beltany, May Eve, Lady Day, May Day, Walpurgis Night (although some people consider Walpurgis Night to be April 29, the night before Beltane)Falls on May 1st, or The First Full Moon in Taurus. A Major Sabbat. Beltane is the day of the Green Wood Wedding, or The Handfasting of the God and Goddess. By now the God has moved from his youth stage, to his Green man form, and the Goddess from her Maiden aspect to the Mother. In this time their union blesses the earth and makes the grounds fertile and ready for planting. This a joyous time to celebrate and rejoice that Winter is gone and that light and mirth are all around. Beltane is also Sister Sabbat to Samhain. On the wheel they are adjacent from one another. It is said that during Beltane, the strength and power that is felt at Samhain can also be felt. Beltane is another of the most commonly known of the Witches holidays. It’s a time of love and growth.

LITHA: Also known as, Alban Hefin, Gathering Day, Midsummer, Vestalia, Summer Solstice, Falls on The Summer Solstice (June 20-23) A Minor Sabbat. On Litha, the powers of the sun are at their highest and most powerful. Day light hours rule this day and is a pure Solar Sabbat. As the Sun and the God are at their peak, so to is nature at hers. The woods and forests are at their fullness, and life is spilling forth. The light triumphs over the dark and, the crops are busy growing and nature is alive and happy. We know however that from this day forth, the light shall dwindle and grow weaker. That we will have to face the darkness in mere months, but for now, we must embrace life at its fullest, and celebrate the bounty that is all around us. This is supposed to be after all, a joyous time.

LAMMAS: Also known as, Lughnasad, Lughnasadh Lunasa, Falls on August 1 or the first full moon of Leo, a Major Sabbat, Lammas is the first harvest, when the first of the crops are beginning to be cut down and brought in. This was an ancient festival of Hope and Fear. Hope being in that the harvest was coming in and that nature and hard work had provided what was needed for survival, Fear came in the same manner, it was feared that the harvest wouldn’t be enough and the cold of winter would win. At Lammas we are thankful for what we have and also it is a time for facing our fears, and creating protection. Defending ourselves and what we value and care for. If we allow the fear to out weigh our hope, then we will surely loose.

MABON: Also known as, Alban Elfed, Fall Equinox, Autumn Equinox, Harvest Home... A Minor sabbat and falls on the Fall Equinox (September 20-23) once more day and night are equal but ultimately the Night shall win out and the dark of the year will begin as days shorten. Mabon is the second harvest, and is a time for being thankful and grateful, a time to share with others what you have. It is a time to honor and thank the universe and the earth for what it has given you, but also to look back at what others have given you, nd what you have given yourself. Remember you reap what you sew. Mabon is the last sabbat before Samhain and the cycle begins again.

As you can see the turning of the Solar Wheel has effects on our physical as well as our mental and spiritual energies and beings. This is a brief summary keep in mind, and more can be found online and in books. Regardless of what may be written about the sabbats, remember that as with anything in magic, it’s the feelings you get, and the purpose and message you take away from the ritual that matters.

Now for the moons.

FULL MOONS

As the Solar festivals (sabbats) deal with a more physical, the Moon Rituals (Esbats) deal with more of an emotional and magical aspect. The Moons have various names and each month contains a full moon. (For more on moons and phases see the lesson on Moon Phases)

Here we will delve into each moon and its meaning and purpose in the cycle of the moon.

Jan: Wolf Moon, also known as Moon of the First Circle, Wolf Moon, Chaste Moon, Ice Moon. During this moon we turn inward looking for inner strength and inner power. This is a time of looking inward to discover who we are, what our purpose may be. It is also a time of beginnings and rebirth, for protection and purification. It can also be a good time to prepare for the changes you wish to achieve in the coming year.

Feb: Storm Moon, also known as Storm Moon, Moon of the Seer, Snow Moon, Quickening Moon. The moon of this month fights through the cold to shine enough light for us to see into our own darkness. The purpose is to see into our inner truths and overcome our inner demons. We all have them and we all have things we choose to leave in the darkness that we rather not deal with, however, burying them in the shadows does no good because eventually we return to the darkness and those demons come back to us. With the Storm Moon we are challenged to overcome and learn from our darkness.

March: Chaste Moon, also known as Moon of the Wind, Quickening Moon, Hare Moon. As the winds of change blow away the darkness of winter, we are granted the chance now to blow away those things we no longer need in our lives. This is the time of the “spring cleaning”. Strength is another symbol of this moon, discovering and embracing your own strength, as well as the evolving of ones spirit.

April: Seed Moon Also known as, Moon of Waters, See Moon, Grass Moon, Rain Moon. Can you guess what the theme is for the April Full Moon? Water is fundamental for survival. Its celebrating the life force of the universe. It is about continuing the evolution of the spirit, and growing and nurturing your soul. As nature unfolds and life comes into bloom, we open our souls and our minds, that they may grow and bloom, so we may open our minds, bodies and souls to the Gods and Goddesses and Universe that they may help us to continue to grow.

May: Hare Moon, also known as, Moon of the Faeries, Flower Moon, Milk Moon, and Merry Moon. Open your heart, reach out embrace the power around you but more importantly with in you. Now is the time of intuition and of balance, of healing and hope and pleasure. A time to connect to your spiritual energy, and to listen to that inner voice. It is a time of healing death, when you finaly put those things to rest that have caused you such strife, listening to the good and the bad of that inner voice, and growing from the bad, by turning it into something better. It is also the time of the faeries and is believed that at this time it is easy to feel the realms and the energies and magic of the realms and the faeries.

June: Lovers Moon, also known as, Moon of Life, Mead Moon, Dyad Moon, Honey Moon, and Strawberry Moon. A Time to balance your energies, your physical, mental, spiritual and emotional self, it is time to bask in the moonlight and to embrace your true self, to feel fully alive and connected, to the energies around you, but mostly to yourself, take pleasure in what is around you, in the things that have been given to you and gotten you this far. It is a time of hope and pleasure, strength and self.

July: Mead Moon, also known as, Moon of Fire, Blessing Moon, Wort Moon, Thunder Moon. Self confidence is a common theme as obviously is fire. The flame is to remind us of the spark within us all, that burns in our souls and spirits, that drives us and guides us. It is to remind us of the powers of fire, and its fundamental purpose, for warmth, to cook, to provide light and gives a since of protective energy and safety.

August: Wyrt Moon also known as, Moon of Delight, Herb Moon, Barley Moon, Corn Moon. Unity and memory are themes here. Remember the past because it has paved the road for your future. Only by seeing where you came from can you appreciate where you are now. Wisdom and preparing for the future, quiet yourself, silence your voice, quiet your mind and listen for the guidance of your guides.

Sept: Harvest Moon also known as Moon of Harvest, Grain Moon, Fruit Moon, Green Corn Moon, Truth, knowledge, and changing of life cycles. This is a time of preparing for the coming darkness, the harvest time, a time to gain the necessary energies to make it through the coming months. Time to realize the truths about ourselves and the coming months, the darkness is inevitable, a time of transformation, as the season begin to change and so do we.

October: Blood Moon also known as Moon Before The Dark, Blood Moon, Hunters Moon, Harvest Moon. We enter into the darkness of ourselves, and embrace the immortality that lies within us all. This is a magical time as October tends to be a magical month anyway, you can incorporate bits of Halloween, (Samhain) into your moon magic, so likewise, the moon reflects the dark mystery of the universe and our self. The life cycles of life death and rebirth.

Nov: Snow Moon also known as the Moon of Decent, Snow Moon, Mourning Moon, Frosty Moon. As we descend within we prepare and rest to regroup and turn our eyes inward. As winter approaches we tend to over indulge and become materialistic, so be warned of this. The moon reminds us once more of the truths and falsehoods we have come to know and wear as masks and shrouds.

Dec: Oak Moon also known as Moon of Completion, Cold Moon, Snow Moon. Take time to notice if you have met the goals for the last year that you set. Have you achieved the things you wished to or started in the direction you planned? This moon also asks you to look beyond the surface of the situation and realize, things are never as bad as they seem. As the year closes, remember that things that have happened cannot be changed, but learned from and used to help plan your future, and start making new plans or building off the old ones for the new year.

Much more information can be found in many amazing books, as well as online. Many usually will contain some form of ritual as well as to the celebration of the Sabbats and Esbats. There are of course generic rituals which serve as great outlines for your own writings, should you wish to try your hand at it. I advise looking over other rituals so that you can gain a better understanding of the sabbats, the ritual structure and activities that can take place during these festivals, as well as spells and magic designed to cater specifically to these rites.

You will discover though as you research more that many different views and practices will produce many different rituals and ways of celebrating. Do not think you are limited to just one. That’s the beauty of the craft, you can take from these the parts you like and build your own way, your own celebration. As with our coven, we tend to change up the rituals every time, our June Full moon for this year will be vastly different from the previous years, as will our Samhain rite. However, you may find passages or parts of a ritual which you love so much you want to included them year after year, or you may even be so lucky as to come across or create your own ritual that is so astounding that you need not change a thing. All of these are common.

And I cannot stress enough this point, READ, READ, READ. The more you read, the more knowledgeable you will become and the more understanding you will gain. Start a note book to keep notes, or designate a file on your computer where you wish to save things you have found. Just remember to give credit where it is do, don’t try to pass off someone else’s works as your own, not only can it be considered plagiarism, but it’s also rude (see future lesson on Witches Etiquette).

I hope this helps you to understand a bit more about the season, the cycles, the turning of the wheel and the Sabbats and esbats.

#sabbats #esbats #full moon #samhain #yule #ostara #lammas #litha #imbolc #mabon #beltane #wicca #witchcraft #wiccan ritual #witch ritual #wheel of the year

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factoronto · 5 years

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MEET THE 2019 FAC RESIDENCY ARTISTS: JESSA LAFRAMBOISE

As an activist and historian, what are the most prominent themes and concerns involving contemporary feminist issues and how do you translate that into your work as an artist?

In my studio practice, I strive to be aware of my socio-political surroundings and approach feminism with empathy and passion. Furthermore, as an artist I aim to position my work as a form of activism. Intersectionality, a concept which was absent from much of 20th century feminism, has since become a major aspect within contemporary feminism and undeniably remains a prominent priority which I work to emulate in all aspects of my practice. However, I believe that the most prominent concerns involving contemporary feminist issues vary greatly depending on the artist. And that’s what makes contemporary feminist art so intriguing and unique; the dialogue of a feminist is just as diverse as the people who make up the feminist community. In the past I have explored issues surrounding body image, identity, gender roles and the sexualization and objectification of women’s bodies through a satirical, creative outlet. Always aligning with current social and political conversation, these themes that I have explored were most pertinent depending on where I was in my own life. This is because these concepts are inspired from my own life experiences which I work to make relevant for a broad and inclusive audience.

However, as an art historian, I am not as invested in exploring contemporary issues. Rather, as an art historian I task myself with developing an in depth understanding of historical issues, topics, conversations and values within feminist art. It is important to recognize that feminism and feminist art did not always successfully align with 21st century values and aesthetics. With the development of 2nd wave feminism, emerged several issues that present day artists and historians seek to address and critique. I strongly believe that the history of feminism and feminist art says a lot about where we are within a contemporary context. Some of the most prominent themes and concerns involving contemporary feminist issues have thus emerged out of the trials and tribulations and the progress and successes of feminists before us. And that is where I situate my work as an art historian.

I just recently participated in a conference at Queen’s University and when I finished presenting my paper, I received a question I was in no way prepared for. They wanted to know how my research into feminist art history influenced my practice as a feminist artist. This was something I had never really considered in much detail; I had always tried to separate these two worlds that I exist in because I didn’t want to recreate or retell what has already been done as an artist. However, I came to recognize that I had a unique opportunity here. Currently it is my pursuit to merge my work as an art historian with my work as an artist and cultivate a dialogue which speaks to themes and concerns involving contemporary feminist issues through an art historical lens. By juxtaposing the contemporary with the historical, my two worlds will collide, and I hope to not only educate the public on the complicated history of feminist art but also address prominent socio-political topics that are relevant and recognizable for viewers to connect with today.

“Laundry Day”, Jessa Laframboise

Textiles have been re-emerging in the light of a new discourse, one that you are involved in. What has your experience been in utilizing a medium and techniques with such a highly socio-political history and feminist roots?

It wasn’t until my third year of university that I really took to art history. And more specifically, it wasn’t until my professor dedicated an entire class to solely discussing the role of women in art history that I became truly invested. Quite honestly, this was the first time I had the ability to fully immerse myself into women’s role in art history. We spent the 3-hour class looking at women artists from the 19th century and discussing decorative arts within the western canon of art history. I came to learn the troubling history associated with decorative arts – or “women’s work” as it has been referred to – and it fueled a fire inside of me that has yet to be extinguished. I was not about to accept the negative perceptions that had been historically connected with craft associated art and women artists. And so, in my third year of my BFA at Nipissing University I taught myself how to sew. This was a personal pursuit of mine, but its socio-political relevance was equally present in my mind as a I began my journey with textile art. I was taking a Bachelor of Fine Arts degree and I was determined to make a prominent critique about “women’s work”, agitating the prevalent hierarchy of fine arts which I was taking part in by incorporating decorative arts into the realm which had historically maintained its explicit absence. And isn’t that what feminist art is all about…making explicit absences present and visible? My first textile project was a tapestry I entitled, Sew High Art and I simultaneously wrote a paper for my art history class called Breaking the Canon: An Examination of Textile Art, and from that moment on I was hooked on textiles and the history of women in art. I started out with absolutely no skill and many of my first sewing projects have since fallen apart. Yet I continued to persist; I continued to sew and learn new skills because I loved the process… I loved how calming yet stimulating it could be, how frustrating yet rewarding it could be.

I remember finding such solace and excitement in fabric stores; rooting through bolts of cloth became my favorite activity. I once went to the fabric store with my mom in the early days of my textile practice and I was complaining about how raw my fingers were. I had been up until 3 in the morning a few nights before sewing a pillow for a class assignment and my fingers were in so much pain that they had even bled; parts of my project is still stained with blood, adding a whole other element that I have come to appreciate rather than try to cover up. My mom suggested I buy a thimble. “A thimble?” I replied extremely confused at what this thing was that she had just mentioned. She proceeded to explain to me the purpose of this illusive thimble. I recall being completely dumbfounded in the middle of the fabric store – and a little embarrassed that I had no clue what it was – and needless to say the thimble changed the sewing game for me. This is because I don’t use a sewing machine. So many people ask me why I chose to hand sew all my projects when a sewing machine would be so much faster. I have tried a sewing machine a few times, but it didn’t give me the same satisfaction and stimulation that hand sewing provided for me. There is nothing better then curling up with a needle and thread and sewing the night away: getting lost in the repetitive movement and feeling truly accomplished every time you pull that thread through the fabric creating a new and unique stitch.

“Confessions of a pocketed pussy”, Jessa Laframboise

How do you celebrate femininity? What are the artistic aesthetics from the 20th feminist movement that inspires you?

My research as a historian is primarily focused on art from the 1960s and 70s and ultimately that is where I get a lot of my inspiration from in my studio practice. I recognize the many theoretical issues that arose out of feminist art during this period, however, aesthetically speaking this was a period in feminist art history filled with vibrancy, colour, satire, kitsch and bold moves. Similarly, textile art began to re-emerge through feminism in an empowering light. Satire and parody specifically within feminist art have their roots in 20th century, 2nd wave feminism as artists used these devices to reveal and critique social constructs in society. I work with satire and parody in a similar, yet contemporary manner. Thus, as an artist, I work to prioritize 4th wave feminist values and themes while maintaining these 2nd wave feminist aesthetics. Its so intriguing how these artists used expressive colour and kitsch as a method of exploring serious and often difficult topics. I similarly want people to be shocked and amused by my approach to feminist art, but then be able to progress through my work, critically and sincerely reflecting on the ideas about society that I have presented.

Aside from my inspiration from feminist art history, one of the first artists I was ever really drawn to was pop artist, Andy Warhol. Pop art became one of my favorite periods of art and Warhol’s silk screen prints became my obsession. Of course, much of the values and themes that I uphold as a feminist was not reflected in the pop art that I was inspired by. However, I was determined to combine these two conflicting movements and find similarities within them. I have since strived to create a body of work that echo’s pop art aesthetics through a feminist lens that is both subversive and empowering. Utilizing prominent elements of pop art including silk screen printing, colour, text, recognizable objects and commercialization seemed like a great starting point. In mixing pop art aesthetics with 20th century feminist art aesthetics I discuss, critique and portray themes and concerns of contemporary feminism. It should be mentioned that while the themes explored in pop art were often anchored in sexism and misogyny, silk screen print has had a complicated relationship within the western canon of art and has historically been associated with mass production, advertisement and commercial art. Similar to textile art in this sense, printmaking has been an underappreciated form of art that has not always existed within the realm of “fine arts”. This has further perpetuated pop art as a major inspiration for my work and has allowed me to uncover and build connections between pop and feminist art.

Utilizing these two very different artistic movements and developing a series of work that pulls various aesthetic from pop art and feminist art, I aim to always celebrate femininity as I perceive it to be; femininity is going to be different for everyone, its going to be expressed differently, portrayed differently and understood differently. But for me, the best way to explore and celebrate it is to create work that exists in the intersections between feminine and hyper-feminine. My practice then becomes a sliding scale that I vacillate back and forth on depending on the day, depending on the project. I do not shy away from playing with stereotypes in a subversive way because it allows me to approach femininity as I see it and simultaneously critique the ways femininity has been negatively or stereotypically perceived.

“Dress up with Miss. Ogny”, Jessa Laframboise

Follow Jessa: @Jessa Laframboise on FB @jesssalaframboise on IG

#jessa laframboise #feminism #feministart #feministartists #feministartresidency #toronto #torontoart #torontoevents

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hoeassproductions · 6 years

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Break A Leg: Chapter 1

MasterList

A/N: Disclaimer, this is a work of fiction. I do not own, possess, or have any links to Chris Evans, nor do I profit off of this work. Any claims otherwise are grossly misleading. This work is not to be posted anywhere else without my explicit permission.

If you would like to be added to the tag list, reply here or send me an ask. I’d be happy to add you! Happy reading!

Word Count: ~1,500

A Chance Encounter

"Mom, how do I look?"

"I think you look alright. Maybe wear different underwear. I can see your panty lines."

"Who's going to be looking at my ass? It's an interview!" I say with a slight shake of my head.

"Exactly! Panty lines look unkempt. Wear a thong. You'll thank me later," as she holds out a nice, lacy black pair she pulled from my drawer. A pair whose matching bra I already had on under my cream blouse and blazer. Maybe a lacy bra is overkill for an interview but it's not like anyone will see it and it makes me feel confident. That's always good in the interview right?!

I grab the thong from my mom's hand and stuff it in my purse. "OK, mom. I have to go. I'll change on the train. I have to go! I'll see you after. Bye." I say as I kiss her on the cheek.

I run out of my house and get in my car. If traffic is light, I can still make my train into the city. I realize on the drive to the station, that I forgot to put my flats in my purse.

At least I have this thong. Thanks, mom. My ass crack will be about as comfortable as my feet by the time this is over.

I get to the station with just enough time to catch my train. As I get situated in my seat, I go over my selling points as to why I should be the pick for this position. I am in the running to be the stage manager for a small but successful theater company outside of Boston. I've never been confident enough to go for this kind of position. I always wanted to since my days backstage in high school; those are some of my best memories. There's nothing like theater magic to drown out the woes of the world, but graduating and adult realities quickly took over my life. I took a short-term job at a local community college teaching sewing and different crafting projects as an assistant with my mentor, Sarah. That was seven years ago, but she's actually the one that encouraged me to apply and take this interview, despite my reservations.

I can't believe I'm even doing this. It's not like they're even going to hire me.

Wow, way to psych yourself out you in secure bitch.

As my thoughts begin to pester, I realize I'm letting my anxiety get the best of me. I try to refocus my breathing and think positive, affirming thoughts.

You can do this! It's already a good sign that you have an in person interview. The worst they can do is not pick you.

I close my eyes and lay my head against the window for a few seconds. I begin repeating this internal monologue to myself as the train comes to a sudden, halting stop. Everyone in the car begins looking around with questions reflecting in their panic as the conductor comes over the loudspeaker.

"Sorry about that folks. There is some construction on the tracks in front of us and currently all trains are single tracked through this area. There is another train waiting to get through on the other side. Looks like it'll be a few more minutes. If you would like to get out at this stop, the doors will open on your left side momentarily. I should have another update shortly. Thank you for your time."

I look at the map and my watch. I don't have time to sit here for the 20 or so minutes this will take. I'm only three more blocks away than I would be had I gotten off at the right stop. I go to the bathroom and quickly change the underwear. I know it's stupid, but my mom's probably right. And if I'm going for a partial costume designing position, I need to look good too, right?!

I leave the bathroom as the doors open in front of me and I hop off the train. I start walking and regret not grabbing those flats after two blocks. I begin digging in my purse to see if I have a band-aid or something that can help to keep the blister forming on my heel from getting worse for the next three blocks.

As I dig deeper looking down into my purse, I collide with someone as hard as a brick wall, causing their hot coffee to spill down the front of my shirt and the remnants of my purse to go flying everywhere across the sidewalk. I kneel down to begin picking everything up to get it all into my purse as I begin to feel panic settle over me. My heart starts pounding and I'm finding it hard to breathe all of a sudden. I begin shaking, now frantically gathering all of my things, and only just begin processing the front of my shirt. A shirt meant for an interview I have in 15 minutes is now ruined, when a hand comes into the corner of my vision holding out the pair of underwear I was wearing a mere 10 minutes ago. I begin to feel very embarrassed now, on top of the anxious panic from this encounter. Only when I reach out to snatch the garment from his hand does he realize something is wrong.

He helps me up and is speaking to me, but I don't hear a word he says. He takes me to a nearby bench and leaves only to return with a brown paper bag. He hands it to me and I begin taking short, frantic gasps into it. After a few minutes, my breathing returns to even, resting breaths and he hands me a cup of water. "Thank you," I say. "You didn't have to do that." I down the cup of water and feel much better. "Listen I appreciate you doing this. It wasn't necessary of you, but..." And as I turn to face this stranger for the first time, I am met with the most beautiful blue eyes I have ever seen. "...thank you" is all I am able to get out.

"It's no problem really. You seem to be in a rush and it was my fault I wasn't paying attention. Then you were having some sort of attack, so I thought to help. I'm usually on the other end of the attacks, but it helps to know what to do in a pinch." I barely catch what he's saying, except something about me being in a rush and that he has experience with this sort of thing.

Just then, it dawns on me why I'm here and I look at my watch. I have 7 minutes to get to my interview. I tell him that I'm really sorry but I have to go and take off running as best I can in these heels. It doesn't take much for him to catch up to me. I tell him I'm late for an interview in 5 minutes, to which he replies, "Aw, fuck. Now I'm an even bigger dick. I've ruined your blouse by spilling coffee all over it."

I look down for the first time as his words register and realize that you can see straight through my shirt to my black bra. I see out of the corner of my vision, he notices it too. Embarrassed, I quickly begin thinking about how to fix this, when he holds out a dark blue V neck. I make eye contact with him and ask, "Are you sure?"

"It's the least I can do," he says genuinely, as if he hadn't just saved me from my panic attack. I can see seriousness in his eyes and while I ponder the situation, we get to the building where the interview is.

As I go through the revolving door, I notice he follows me. I turn to him expectantly, as he holds out the shirt and offers to guard the door while I change. "You're a total lifesaver!" I say as I hug him and run to the restroom.

I quickly change my shirt and decide to leave a couple buttons undone so you can see the lace edging of the bra. Although not entirely classy, under my blazer it can be considered a little edgy and maybe even stylish. I do a quick once over in the mirror and fix a few strands of my hair.

You're as ready as you'll ever be.

I leave the restroom, only half surprised to see him waiting there. I do a little twirl and say,"What do you think?" As I look at him, he seems to be lost for a second, but then returns with, "Definitely an improvement. You wear that shirt better than I ever could." I blush slightly at this comment and then pull it together.

I give him a quick hug. "Thank you for everything, but I really need to go. Sorry!" I say as I walk to the lobby desk. "No problem!" he semi-shouts at me across the lobby as I give the receptionist my name. She directs me to the 3rd floor and as the doors open, I hear the man shout from behind me, "My name's Chris. What's yours?" "I'm Y/N!" I shout back with a smile as the doors close.

Next Chapter

A.N.: AHHHH! I’m really excited about this so I wanted to get it up quick. I will go through again, and try to fix any errors I may have missed. I actually enjoy writing this, and who knew fanfic author would be one of my titles?! I hope you guys enjoy, and as always, for myself and others, feedback is appreciated. Give me your thoughts about it! Any ideas for whats to come? Maybe I can somehow incorporate them. I have a fairly loose skeleton of a plot line right now, so this story can really go anywhere. I hope we take the ride together!

Tag List: @star-spangled-man-with-a-plan @beccaheartschrisevans @avenger-nerd-mom @mycapt-ohcapt-writes @mad-for-marvel @vanillabeanlattes @captain-ariel-barnes @emilyevanston @thewife101cevans @annvincible@loricameback @plussizeappreciationfics @a-tale-of-two-comics@melodramaticfanatic @writingcreatingstorytelling @kirstie-lotr@mywritingsblog @disney-fire-fox

#chris evans fic #break a leg #first fic #chapter 1

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betterbinderproject · 6 years

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Hi, when you say that you understand completely the reasons why people don't like the better binder project you're being very presumptuous. It's not the same as well-meaning but ignorant abled people attempting to solve highly complex and expensive problems of access for disabled people. And furthermore, the way you talk about this is really condescending and frankly just...you make assumptions that you understand the intimacies of how people think and feel that are just not true or analogous.

Like I mean this in the nicest possible way, but cisgender people’s relation to trans people is just not the same, and it would be a lot less patronizing and transphobic of you to *not* characterize every possible negative and/or critical reaction to this blog as being a reflexive anger and automatic rejection instead of being a justified and/or reasonable wariness. Like I absolutely hope this project succeeds, but there’s no reason to think that you’re qualified to make it succeed.

I’m going to use this also as a way to respond to your post, which didn’t show up on my Acitivity, so I’m glad someone pointed me to it.

1. My ability to listen to criticism

For the last couple weeks, I’ve been monitoring the activity of my posts, especially looking for people saying things like, “This will never work”, “this is a bad idea”, “won’t work for me” and so forth. Then a lot of the time I’ve messaged them to say, “Hi, I want to hear about your thoughts and experiences, do you have time to talk?”. I’m in a little bit of a backlog with this because some really smart and informed people have been commenting on it but I’ve been busy. For example, if I got the chance to listen to @the-scottish-costume-guy at greater length and in greater detail in the next couple days, I’d be really happy.

So while some criticisms have been reflexive rage or despair, others have been completely on point and I’ve already integrated them into my design (for example, recommendations to slope the boning diagonally down and to the outside). And others have been logical on the surface, but don’t apply to the specific thing I am trying to do (eg. “corsets are expensive”)

2. My credentials

I’ve been sewing seriously for the last 20 years. In some of that time, I’ve been paid for my work. For much of it, I’ve both been reading academic sources on the topic, and sewing in the workshops of vastly more experienced sewists. Over and above all my other sewing experience, I’ve made and worn numerous corsets. There is no set certification for a “professional tailor” but yes, if I wanted to do that as a job, I do have the resume and portfolio for it.

Tailoring isn’t actually the field you want here, though. Since beginning this project, I’ve located and contacted several researchers in the fields of human ecology, mechanical engineering, and biomedical engineering, who have relevant expertise. None have yet gotten back to me, probably partly because it’s summer. If someone more qualified than me wants to work on this project, I am 100% willing to collaborate with them, or hand the project off to them.

3. My profiting from this project

I’ve already made some very particular and pointed decisions about this. If I wanted to significantly profit from this project, I would:

Keep my R&D process secret

Patent and license the design

Sell patterns of the design I made for individuals wanting to make their own, individual, copy

Sell binders I myself made, or possibly outsource their production and then sell the result

Send cease&desist letters threatening to sue anyone selling copies of my binder, or any other binder on similar design principles, or any pattern for such a binder

Demand that anyone wanting to profit from the use of my design principles pay me a licensing fee.

Meanwhile, my plan right now includes:

Publicizing my concepts and progress in a way freely accessible to anyone with an Internet connection

Maintaining a record of my progress to keep anyone else from claiming to be its inventor and licensing it in exploitative ways

Encouraging feedback from as many people as possible and seeking out trans, nb, and genderqueer perspectives

Coming soon: Creating a survey about wearer experiences and health outcomes, asking anyone involved in this project to report back so the data can be disseminated and analyzed. If this project and my design are a failure, I will say so.

Making design concepts, and in the future, patterns and tutorials, freely available to anyone with an internet connection, and agreeing to their republication to reach other audiences

Only receiving donations from people who understand that this is an experimental venture, posed as the question, “What if I tried this thing,” and only profiting from items that I have ensured people could get for themselves some other way. (eg “Here’s a free tutorial on making this binder using items from the dollar store. However, if you want to buy a $20 kit of high-quality items pre-cut for your convenience, here’s my Etsy”)

Providing prototypes to their intended wearers for free in return for feedback about the wearers’ experiences, instead of selling half-baked designs for a profit

Openly encouraging other sewists to suggest design improvements, make their own versions, or make binders for other people without paying me

In the future, I’m very open to stepping back in my own role in this project, and handing it off to trans people who have taken the idea and run with it.

From a legal perspective, I have probably already ruined my chances of making big bucks from this project, and I did that on purpose. From the beginning, I realized that it is very possible for me to be exploitative in how I handle this project.

I honestly asked for money because I can’t pay for medications, groceries and utilities right now. I got about $300, which was enough to cover most of my monthly medical expenses. Most of the clients I see as a psychotherapist are disabled, living on extremely limited incomes, and cannot pay me much more than the cost I pay to rent the room we meet in. I’m trying to survive and find a better job. If I had a full-time job and made a decent income, I would be funding this project out of my own pocket. I know how to market and monetize a project like this, and have, from the first, deliberately chosen not to, in large part because I’m cis and this isn’t my issue.

4. Binders over top surgery

This project has largely been inspired by a trans person with whom I have worked, whose parents were involved in a custody dispute beginning when they were 14. At 14 they realized they were trans, but they required the consent of both parents for medical procedures until the age of 18. One parent was extremely transphobic and would not consent to top surgery, although they didn’t see their child on a regular basis and didn’t know how they dressed and presented. During those 4 years, they used a binder as a way of dealing with the dysphoria that made them suicidal. Despite its negative physical health effects (pain, trouble breathing, rashes, etc) the binder was an essential aid to their mental health.

Yes, binding is a “stopgap” method compared to top surgery. However, one of my major areas of work is as a mental health therapist with LGBTQ people, especially teenagers. Not everyone can get top surgery, and not always as quickly as it is needed. Sometimes there is a gap you need to stop.

5. Why do we need better binders at all?

I didn’t go into this because I, frankly, had considered the need for improvements in binder technology so well-documented as to be completely obvious. Just today someone tagged this blog talking about how much they want it to work because “binding gives me rashes, makes my already shitty lungs hurt, makes my back hurt, and doesn’t actually work for me“ Would you like me to curate the research and accounts of people who have problems with the current models of binder available? Is that proof you in fact need?

7. Corsets are unsuitable/super gendered

Yep! That’s why I’m not making corsets. I’m trying to use the engineering elements from corsetry that would make the binder better, and make everything else as un-corset-like as possible.

How possible this is is an open question right now. For example, corsets need to be fitted so precisely because they go from the bust to the hips, and therefore need the correct bust, waist, and hip measurement, and the correct height, and the correct ratio of all things to each other, and to have the correct vertical profile. My current hypothesis is that by making a binder that covers only the bust, I can eliminate many of these complexities. However, many informed observers of the project have told me that they think I’m wrong, and that the binder will need to extend to the waist to more evenly distribute the load of compression, and a garment that only goes around the chest will cause too much back pain over the long term. This is a question I think can honestly only be answered when I ship my prototypes to my genderqueer friend in Georgia, who shares my measurements and is eager to try each model out for hours/days/weeks and report back.

At present, I am experimenting with adaptations to sports bras, which I also know can be too gendered and induce dysphoria. I’m using them because my current project is aimed at people who have very little experience sewing, and therefore would benefit from only having to add a few elements to an already-constructed garment. After this, I want to see if I can transition those adaptations to something less gendered, like a tank top. After that, I can begin work on drafting a binder entirely from scratch, which, one hopes, I can make as ungendered as possible.

My askbox is open!

#project rationale #open-source fashion design #answered asks #imnotevilimjustwrittenthatway

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3nlight3n3d-b0y · 6 years

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Learning: Ella Enchanted

Introduction:

I’d like to introduce all of you to a new project of mine.

Come to think of it the concept around my blog is based on absorbing feminine content and not producing it, so I thought some more about it and came up with the idea of reviewing a book with a strong female protagonist. I didn’t really know where to start for my first book of this type considering I’m more used to reading Lovecraft and Adam Smith rather than any books with a feminist spirit. Luckily since I’ve been on Tumblr I made friends with @yourgfdpunk who is really into exactly that type of stuff and who helped me out a lot with this, so go send her some love as well!

After a short talk with her she suggested Ella Enchanted as a good book. It’s meant for kids which I wasn’t used to; even as a kid I didn’t read kids’ books. However I thought it would make a good starting book for this project since it’s pretty wholesome and was probably an early book for a lot of girls out there when they got into reading. I do plan on continuing this “Learning” series as I like to call it, and my next plan is to begin the Lunar Chronicles series with Cinder.

Overview:

Ella Enchanted was written by Gail Carson Levine and was published in 1997, which makes the book about a year older than me. The book also shared its name with a very bad movie. It’s meant for kids and early/pre-teens, and the story is centered around Ella, a girl born to a vague level of nobility.She is cursed from birth by a fairy to follow any command, yet despite this she becomes an extremely rebellious and strong-willed young lady.

The story is an emotional roller coaster from the end of the first chapter to the epilogue, and the story truly begins after (spoiler alert, but the book’s 20 years old and it happens in Ch. 1) Ella’s mother dies and her world falls apart, as she and her mother were very close and her father is estranged and ignorant of her curse. The next two hundred pages or so are the trials and tribulations of Ella in her quest to find the fairy that cursed her and get her to remove the curse. In doing so she overcomes challenges from finishing school to hungry ogres.

My Thoughts:

The story is very touching, and if I could find one word to describe it I think I’d go with endearing. The story is packed with an ever-growing sense of anticipation and emotion, and along with the story comes some very humorous writing and dialogue such as:

…. Dame Olga agreed. “Ella is not outfitted in accordance with her station, Sir Peter. My girls have eight trunks between them.”

“Hattie has five and a half trunks, Mother. And I have only—” Olive stopped speaking to count on her fingers. “Less. I have less, and it’s not fair.”

Father cut in smoothly. “It’s most kind of you to take Ella with you, Dame Olga. I only hope she won’t be a bother.”

“Oh, she won’t bother me, Sir P. I’m not going.”

Father winced at the abbreviation.

It’s written for kids in middle-school so I give it a pass for being pretty simplistic is terms of pacing and plot devices, like the prince showing up out of nowhere every once in a while. However that doesn’t stop it from managing to pull your heartstrings as Ella copes with her desires and her own dreams to throw off a curse while struggling with patriarchal expectations being forced on her.

What I Learned:

I wasn’t sure what I was going to learn reading this book when I first got it given that it seemed rather simplistic. However I think this book is filled with subtle commentary and symbolism throughout, starting with the first chapter. For example, the story begins with Ella being born and being cursed by the fairy Lucinda with obedience in order to make her stop crying. Both Ella’s mother and her midwife beg Lucinda to remove the curse and she won’t, and I see this as Lucinda, who is represented as the stereotypical ultra-girly fairy, cursing Ella with the patriarchal societal expectation that women and girls must be obedient.

The fact that the mother and midwife also beg to remove the curse I think symbolizes the understanding and fear that a woman has when she has a daughter knowing the societal and gender norms that are going to try to keep her down. Additionally I think Lucinda fits a kind of “toxic femininity”, at least for most of the story, being a mostly two-dimensional stereotype that goes around making the lives of everyone harder as she reinforces toxic social norms. These aren’t the only points of symbolism that capture society in the book, they’re just the beginning (literally) and this book got pretty deep throughout the story considering it’s for kids. I think I also found points in this book particularly enlightening because as a male I was never raised with issues like these and the book manages to really explain a lot about them while saying little.

Aside from the writing and the background, I also wondered: what did Ella teach me? After thinking about it for a while I think Ella taught that strength can be found on the inside, and girls particularly must rely on their inner strength until they can find their voice and be able to assert themselves. Ella is no knight or assassin or wizard, she’s just a girl, and a small one at that, because girls weren’t allowed to be brought up like that; no, she had to go to finishing school to sew instead. For breaking patriarchal norms it can seem like even more of a challenge for girls in which they are raised to be docile, but Ella teaches that you don’t need to be a fighter or magician to be strong, you just have to find the strength inside you despite the world trying to put you down from birth for your sex or gender.

Conclusion:

I liked the book more than I thought I would. It was simple of course, but it was also very charming. The author’s charisma can be seen in the ink with interesting characters, funny dialogue, and her ability to make us feel endearment and sorrow. The book also packs a meaningful message thinly veiled under its charm about girl power and overcoming misogynistic norms that is neither easy to overlook or ham-fisted.

I’d give the book 4/5 stars.

Will I read it again? Probably not.

If I have kids will I make them read it? Definitely!

I hope you guys like my first real piece of original content! I actually put some effort into this and I hope to do more of them.

#sfw #Learning #review #book #literature #Ella Enchanted #fantasy #feminism #strong female protagonist #original #original content #Gail Carson Levine #text #fiction #femininity #gender #favorite #readwomen #read women

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acallforadventure · 3 years

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So... What's going on you ask? Explaining the sudden and blatant slow down in development.

Greetings everyone!

I must explain to you what’s going on, why the game’s progress have slowed down this much.

Many of you had noticed how fast the development was going considered that I’m a lone developer, and I was quite proud of the speed I was keeping, even tho at times I felt that I could go faster, but that’s mostly your usual “never good enough” syndrome that most creators have. To keep up this speed, I didn’t have a job, I was going forth with savings, mostly working 7 days a week, almost all waking hours, at times I’d even work more to finish specific features, maybe to do it in time for a new update video, because I felt consistent publishing of devlogs was vital for exposure of the project, so I’d end up not even sleeping enough for multiple days in a row just to have more hours to work. This schedule clearly can’t be kept for long, and I’m actually surprised that I didn’t end up with burnout, as happens to many creators with similar situations.

The idea was to keep going like this to try growing the community as fast as possible, and when it would have been big enough, to make a kickstarter, since as most people that tried before making such a campaign know, you need to already have a community before, or it won’t work.

Alas the community have grown, and I’m grateful to any of you that decided to follow the development of this game, but not to a point where I can really try a campaign, from the data that I collected it seems that at least various thousands of followers are needed to have any chance of success, and instead we have grown only to a few hundreds, just more than 600 people in total.

After all this time, I have reached a point where it is no longer physically safe to keep going like this a while ago, I went down from 7 days a week to 6 in october, taking that day out not to relax, but to go walking basically the whole day to try fight the physical strain cause by the really unsafe constant sitting, I gained weight and started feeling tired very often, so I was at my physical limit. I feel better now and have slowly started to lose weight again, but I literally walk 20 km on the mountains every sunday just to keep my body working correctly, my body is not very compliant when it comes to being static, as anyone that knows me personally could confirm, I can’t stay still.

Some of you know me directly because I went around sniping potential interested people since the beginning of the project, because as it is largely known, even if your project is interesting the net is so bloated with data that exposure is always a problem, and I had a maximum time window where it was economically safe to do this thing: the ones I talked with know that this is a passion project for me and I never expected, nor cared too much, to make a lot of money, but without some funding such a large project is not economically viable on the long run, simply because I’m not a rich person, I need a wage as everyone else, and the time window is past at this point. Some of you came to me offering single donations, and I am really grateful that you wanted to help me, but as I told to the ones that offered, these few offers wouldn’t make a wage by themselves, and now that I have to go back to a regular job, I can’t know how long it will take to finish the game, because yes, I still want to do it, so I feel that taking any of those donations would have been like stealing, since I can’t give anything back for who knows how long, this is why I never accepted donations, it had to be all or nothing, that’s why the kickstarter is a yes, but the single donations weren’t accepted. At this point it’s clear that there can’t be a kickstarter, maybe in the future I’ll be able to do it, who knows, but I can’t predict if and when.

Since the accumulated mental fatigue I want now to dive more in my other interests, most of you don’t know but I’m a very active artisan for passion, encompassing from woodworking to sculpture, from sewing to animation, I’m not only a programmer and a 3D modeler, actually those things were learned because of my wide range of interests. I need to pair the development of the game with the other things I like to do because I can’t just go on this way, more so considered that I’m searching for a job and as soon as I find it my free time will be very limited.

I know you hoped to play the game soon, and I’m currently working on the trailer, that’s why lately I’ve posted some content without ingame implementation, because I’ve finally reached a point in the programming where the most important stuff is there, stable and working, and none of the things I need to still implement is so important that it could shift the game in a new direction, that’s why I didn’t do the trailer first as most people do, because I wanted to be absolutely sure I wouldn’t show stuff that wouldn’t actually be in the game, I feel that often early trailers give players expectations that are later betrayed because large projects like videogames are simply prone to changes of direction, especially in the first phases of development.

I hope I haven’t disappointed you too hardly, as I said many times to people I talked with, I’m making this game because I wanted it to exist, and I was sure others wanted it like I did, and I don’t want to let anyone down after all the promises made, but as much as I’m sorry for not being able to go forth the way I’ve done in the last year and deliver as soon as possible the game I promised, I just can’t afford to go forth like that, and have to slow down, this means that updates will keep appearing, but at a slow rate.

Hopefully some of you will still be interested in the project even with these new conditions.

Thank you for the time spent reading all this wall of text, I hope it shed some light on any questions you could have about the clear sudden slow down of the development.

Cheers, Numisi

#a call for adventure #game dev

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maychorian · 7 years

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Get to Know the Author

Tagged by @eastofthemoon. Thank you!

1. How did you come up with your username and what does it mean?

“Maychoria” was the name of the main country in the fantasy novel I wrote when I was thirteen and fourteen. It means “happy land,” based on two words I found in a Greek dictionary we had in the house. So “Maychorian” basically means “inhabitant of the happy land.”

2. Which fanfic of yours has the most feedback? (bookmarks/subscriptions/hits/kudos).

On AO3, A Split-Second of Violence still has the most views and kudos and bookmarks, over 46k hits and almost 2500 kudos and 762 bookmarks. The first and second Boom Crash stories combined beat it, though, and Sell Me Your Nightmares beats it for comment threads. Over all platforms, I’m pretty sure my most famous fic ever is still Entertaining Angels, a deaged Castiel fic I wrote at the cusp of Supernatural fandom, just as Castiel was starting to get popular. I happened to write that story at the exact right time, in the mid-season break when everyone was hungry for more of the intriguing character we’d just been introduced to, and cute deaged angel boy trying to help Sam and Dean with their respective traumas was bound to be a hit no matter who wrote it. Plus I gave him pneumonia. It’s a thing I do.

3. What is your AO3 profile icon, and why did you choose it?

Same as my current tumblr icon. Cuz Lance has the best expressions and he’s the cutest and the best.

4. Do you have any regular/favourite commenters?

I do, and I love them and appreciate them so, so much. If you comment on a lot of my fics and/or chapters, you’d better believe I notice, and I love you, even if I don’t respond.

5. Is there a fanfic that you keep going back to read again and again?

Basically anything in this tag: https://maychorianrecs.tumblr.com/tagged/personal-favorite.

6. How many stories are you subscribed to? How many do you have bookmarked?

Oh, golly. My work subscriptions at AO3 is currently at fifteen pages. A lot of those are completed or abandoned, though. No idea how many fics and authors I’m still subscribed to on ff.n, mostly in dead fandoms. I have 80 bookmarks on AO3 at the moment, but that is not an accurate representation of the fics I like and recommend others read. That would be @maychorianrecs, which currently has 681 posts and isn’t even complete even for the Voltron fandom, let alone the other fandoms I read now or have read in the past.

7. Which AU do you find yourself writing the most?

The Dream Seam ‘verse is definitely the one that owns the largest part of my brain right now, but I’m also looking forward to getting back to my DnD AU once I finish my current big projects. I tend to write more canon-divergence AUs than alternate realities, in most cases. I like exploring how things can differ across time if one small (or large) change is made in the setting we know and love. Like what if Castiel went back in time and ended up as Sam and Dean’s older brother? Love that one.

8. How many people are subscribed and bookmarked to you in total? (you can view this on the stats page)

User Subscriptions: 617 Kudos: 27064 Comment Threads: 5019 Bookmarks: 5631 Subscriptions: 2713 Word Count: 1169905 Hits: 325489

That’s insane, and it’s only in the last three or four years, since I didn’t really start using AO3 until mid-2014. I have a lot more before that on ff.n and other sites.

9. Is there something you’d like to write about but are afraid of people judging you for it? (Feeling brave? If so, share it!)

If there’s something I want to write and share, I will find a way.

10. Is there anything you would like to be better at? Writing certain scenes or genres, replying to comments, updating better, etc.

I wish I was better at action. It always takes me a lot time to sort of choreograph it in my head and then describe it in a way that makes sense. I also need to work on writing believable romance, since I want to eventually write more mainstream fiction, and it’s pretty normal for characters to have romances. I can’t just write everyone as being aro/ace or siblings, though I kind of want to. I wish I wasn’t such a procrastinator and had more energy to spare on responding to comments, because I really do love them and appreciate them.

11. Do you write rarepairs or popular ships more often?

Only if you count gen as a rarepair, which it kind of is. Otherwise, no ships for me, ever. I tried it. Didn’t much like it.

12. How many stories have you posted on AO3 to this day (finished and unfinished)?

70. Some of them are reposts. Eventually I need to get all of my fics over to AO3. It’s definitely the superior platform nowadays.

13. How many stories do you have saved in/with your writing program?

Unposted? Mm, more than five, less than a dozen. I tend to post things as soon as I’m halfway satisfied, because I crave that sweet, sweet feedback.

14. Do you write down story ideas, or just keep them in your head?

They’re mostly up in my head. If it changes by the time I start to write it, that’s fine. And if I forget an idea, a new one will come along sooner or later. I write in the now.

15. Have you ever co-authored a story?

Yes, a few times, most recently with ardett for Sewing Patches. It was a great experience.

16. How did you discover AO3?

Back when it was just getting started, I got an invite to the beta from an LJ friend. It wasn’t until years later that I got into sports anime fandom and decided I wanted to start using it, so I searched my email to find that years-old invite and used it.

17. Do you consider yourself to be a popular or famous author in your fandom(s) on AO3?

I’m well-known in the gen corner of my fandom, which is not the same thing as being a BNF in the fandom as a whole. I have no doubt that 99% of Klance fans have no idea who I am, and Klance basically IS the Voltron fandom, much to my annoyance. But I’m fine with the way things are. I interact with cool people all the time and get to show them awesome stuff and get nice feedback when I post fics, and that’s what I want.

18. Do you have a nickname or fandom name for your readers?

Nah. That seems kind of pretentious and arrogant.

19. Was there an author who inspired or encouraged you to write?

I’ve wanted to write since before I knew how to read, as far back as I can remember. As soon as I understand that those scribbles on a page meant something and told stories, I wanted to tell my own. Certainly in my teenage years I was very inspired by the fantasy and science fiction authors I adored, like Tolkien, Lewis, MacDonald, Orson Scott Card, Stephen King, Tamora Pierce, etc. I have been encouraged along the way by many, many fellow writers, as well. But as far as an instigating person at the very beginning, I can’t think of one. I just always knew that this was what I wanted to do with my life.

20. What writing advice would you give to a beginning author?

Just do it. Post it if you’re brave, keep it to yourself if you’re not. Make yourself happy first. Find one person who will read and enjoy your stuff, otherwise it will get stale writing only for yourself. But first and foremost, stoke the fire in your own belly until you have no choice but to use it, to let it fly from your fingers in words and paragraphs. Once you start, keep going, even when the fire burns low. Discipline is more important than inspiration in the long term, but inspiration is how you start.

21. Do you plot out your stories, or do you just figure it out as you go?

Mostly the latter. I’ve written from outlines in the past, and I sometimes do extensive freewriting before I start something to give myself some semblance of structure, but working from a strict outline isn’t really fun for me. I’d much rather discover the story as I go. I subscribe to the Stephen King school of writing, the idea that a story is a boulder you dig up with a lot of hard work and exploring. Granted, that doesn’t always work perfectly, and it can lead to stories that are overlong and oddly structured or dissatisfying, but that’s a risk I’m willing to take in order to enjoy the process as much as possible.

22. Have you ever gotten a bad comment on a story? If so, what did you do?

Occasionally, mostly not on AO3. My feedback there is by and large very kind and enthusiastic. Every once in a while I’ll get a weird comment on ff.n complaining about some choice I made or chastising me for not doing what they wanted or expected with the story. Mostly I just laugh and let them go, though they used to bother me a lot. Once in a while they’ll make a solid point, and I’ll think about it, and maybe change the story a bit to satisfy the issue that’s bothering me, not for their satisfaction but for my own. That’s exceedingly rare, though. I think I’ve done it twice.

23. Is there a certain type of scene that you have a hard time writing? (action, smut, etc..)

Action is hard, yes. Dialogue and emotional scenes come easily, so naturally that’s the bulk of my stuff.

24. What story(s) are you working on now?

My ongoing series and stories are all currently in posting. I have some ideas on the backburner that I haven’t started working on yet, but I’m not the kind of writer who finishes a project before posting, so there’s nothing going on that my readers don’t already know about.

25. Do you plan your next project(s) before you finish your current ongoing story(s)?

Often as I’m finishing up a long project my mind will already be working on what’s next, yes. Not really planning so much as just daydreaming and working out scenarios in my head, but I do like that I never run out of things to do.

26. Do you have a daily writing goal set for yourself?

I try to write at least 750 words every day. Not always fiction, though, sometimes it’s freewriting or a diary entry. This post will probably be my writing for today.

27. Do you think you’ve improved as a writer since you first started?

Indubitably, since for the very first story I wrote I asked my mom how to spell the word “fan.” I was five.

28. What is your favorite story that you’ve written?

Oof, that’s hard. In Voltron, probably Bury the Sun. I keep going back and re-reading that one. It just…hits my buttons. On purpose. I did that. In all of my fandoms ever, probably Coming Down on a Sunny Day. It came together in an extremely satisfying way, and I’m very proud of it, even though the last part never got very much feedback since the fandom had moved on by the time I wrote and posted it.

29. What is your least favorite story that you’ve written?

I started writing an original fantasy fiction called Cat by Night with the idea of posting it on Amazon and making money with it. But I started it out in very YA fashion with an incipient romance, and it just bored me to tears. I hated it. I couldn’t do it. Romance is not for me.

30. Where do you see yourself (as a writer) in 5 years?

I would love to develop my original fiction and discipline myself enough to actually start publishing stuff on Amazon and eventually make enough money to live on, maybe with the help of Patreon. RIght now, though, fanfiction takes up all my creative energy, and I don’t know how I would justify making a living off that.

31. What is the easiest thing about writing?

Making characters cuddle.

32. What is the hardest thing about writing?

Getting characters to the point where the cuddling makes sense and feels in character.

33. Why do you write?

For the sake of the cuddles, mostly. Also because I can’t imagine not writing.

No tagging today because I’m exhausted, but feel free if you want to do this.

#writing #life #me #tag meme

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