Tumgik
#I feel so pathetic and miserable
okaydays22 · 2 months
Text
Tumblr media
20 notes · View notes
lesbiansanemi · 4 months
Text
New low. Sobbing in the floor of a dark empty apartment
11 notes · View notes
wardingshout · 1 day
Text
Tumblr media
Little visit
274 notes · View notes
art-from-within · 5 months
Text
Thinking about the fact that aside from the obvious (having your limbs torn off is not a nice feeling), Grafting a foreign body part onto yourself may also very well be EXTREMELY painful, and that Godrick probably suffers alot but still does it anyway because going through magic surgery without painkillers feels better than his reoccurring episodes of crippling self loathing.
22 notes · View notes
bunnihearted · 3 months
Text
regardless of the "learn how to be alone" dravel, being lonely actually is really bad for your mental health and can be very painful :p
#i've been doing so so bad#and i've had breakdowns frequently this past week#and i dont have friends or family or a partner or even a therapist lmao#so im alone and thus only feeling worse and worse#my mom has been in an unusual bad mood lately so i havent been able to talk to her at all#but today she asked me to go to her to the store bc she wanted me to buy smth#and on the way we watched the snails and she found them cute (she has never appreciated snails before)#and now i instantly feel a bit better and a bit more normal after only 15 min of hanging out with her#it's so easy for ppl who have family or friends or a partner to judge and criticize me#but like.... u have ppl close to u and u know nothing abt what it feels like to be in my position#it's so condescending and lacking of compassion#i dont understand your pov either but at least im not TELLING YOU directly how much i judge you#like ppl judge me so hard for feeling miserable in my loneliness... but it's easy for u to say those things#like u dont feel my despairing loneliness bc u have a fkn partner. u have fkn friends. or a fkn family. easy for u to judge me from up ther#anyway im much better at being alone than most ppl bc im still alive and im enduring the pain every day#other ppl have ppl around them 💀 only others who are all alone can understand how much it hurts#and it wont be fixed by loving yourself or loving to be alone or whatever other bs they use to criticize u ._.#being alone IS harmful to your health. there are studies on it and im not just making that shit up#i AM allowed to feel pain bc i dont have anyone#ugh esp ppl w partners who can receive physical and romantic attention.... when they judge me.....#stfu forever u have no idea how i feel 💀 and u could never know simply by having had a partner at all...#but yeah. it bothers me too bc i NEVER see someone on here and go#damn i hate this sm i gotta let them know by sending them anons or vague post abt them#like i dont get up in their faces and tell them all my judgemental or bitter or hateful thoughts abt them#even this post is only bc other ppl have taken the liberty to without my consent or having asked tell me directly how pathetic i am#how im not allowed to feel alone. how i have a victim mentality so on and so forth#i never tell other ppl things like that. even if i think them (which honestly i rarely do unless they're extremely toxic TO other ppl) i wo#say shit abt it to them.... ??? like why?#when i sometimes see like ppl have friends on here or talk abt their partners i can feel bitter and jealous#bc im surrounded by seeing things i so deeply crave but im not a humanbeing worth of those things
16 notes · View notes
mainfaggot · 2 months
Text
not killing myself this year or next year because I) I have so many outfits i need to wear (even though I'm afraid of going outside and i get panic attacks abt it sometimes) and II) i have so many coffee and tea concoctions to create and tell my beloved mewchiez about (even though I don't have any interest or energy some weeks) . despite it all. i must live for Fashion and Caffeinated Beverages
6 notes · View notes
kyouka-supremacy · 1 year
Text
I have a theory Akutagawa doesn't have any illness and just made up his lungs disease in the heat of the moment
51 notes · View notes
marc--chilton · 5 months
Note
still losing my mind at the way houses relationship with john would have fucked up the way he sees being an omega. just,,, teen house, young and confused, experiencing these absoloutely brutal heats. not understanding why they are so bad and hard when theyre supposed to be a time where an omega feels good. already feeling broken and wrong, and then having to face john's anger and disappointment over him being an omega
like i can only imagine how it would affect him in heat, a time where he would be less able to think coherently. and constantly remembering how traumatic and horrible his heats as a teen were, the memory making him feel bad and in turn making him feel physically worse. just like,,, a constant feedback loop of remembering and feeling bad -> feeling physically worse in turn -> reminding himself even more of his childhood and feeling worse
i feel like after having to deal with his first few heats without a strong family net to acclimate to the changes, once house is outta there and doing his own thing he tries to never deal with his heats alone. he marks his cycle religiously, makes deals with alphas in med school to help him through them, or even finds street suppressants if he's especially desperate.
man. you just know john has put him outside for some of his heats, too. nothing to nest with, no scent blocking patches, just left him in the yard like a sacrificial lamb. it goes without saying how dangerous that is.
hell, once he's employed i wouldn't be surprised if he stole something from the hospital to bring home in case a heat comes up that he can't deal with, something that'll knock him out for the worst of it.
#asks#certified-moth#house md#writing a fic that is basically just heat whump for a lot of it as i type this#house's heats are bad always it's just how it is for him#but once he has the infarction it's even worse#his leg becomes another focal point for pain to localize to and the scar is so severe that when he's in heat#it runs scary hot. like where the muscle is missing sits just a molten core of pure agony#fainting spells and delirium become new side effects as a result#it is a pathetic miserable sight and he WANTS to be alone so no one can see him like that#but dealing with them alone is torture so he just doesn't win. it fucks with his issues of self#something else to resent about his body#he and wilson develop a fairly solid unofficial........ thing early on in their friendship#it would have taken wilson more convincing had he not witnessed the effects himself and got his caretaker heart twanging#even when he's married. which doesn't necessarily mean he's cheating but uh. it doesn't help in his case#all of it compounds into a very big mess that does not help the success rates of his marriages#goes to show how much more time wilson spends with house than his wives when he's more synced with house than them#now THAT is an offense. THAT'S what can get feelings hurt#it makes him feel bad but he tries to reassure himself by comparing their heats to house's. they don't understand how bad it is#<- probably the cause of several arguments#wilson trying to get bonnie or julie to understand why he Needs to do this and bristling when they Just Don't Get It#“house didn't break up our marriage but he sure didn't help” etc#mgv
15 notes · View notes
stardust-kitten · 6 months
Text
i am so fucking SAD and i’m so over it :/
10 notes · View notes
3416 · 8 months
Note
Luke Fox are you ready to die. He literally did this shit last year with the whole Marner/Keefe situation that people STILL bring up and act like Mitch was actively strapping Keefe to a chair and waterboarding him until he agreed to 'walk back' comments about them not playing like elite players. And EVERY TIME people eat it up because they want to be angry, they want to live in their false narratives so they can seethe and rage about accountability
literally... it cracks me up that fans think players owe accountability to THEM. fklsdjfkldsjklf like girl you sit on your couch while they're out here trucking around the ice every other night for your entertainment and accuse them of not trying, lol.
luke fox and honestly all of the big toronto media guys KNOW mitch marner brings the most clicks out of sheer rage on twitter dot com so they do it every time. should not let myself be surprised but it's such sloppy fucking journalism to portray it that way every time. i even see people who i consider level headed eating it up without looking for context and i'm like. are you all genuinely stupid. seriously. don't even get me started on the Walking things back last year that was totally made up. if you watch mitch's interview from that day he's so ????? like does not comprehend what they're trying to accuse him of, it's so funny.
10 notes · View notes
melto · 6 months
Text
my birthday week is like a fight for my fucking life.
#like i dont like my birthday bc i dont like attention and also bc the fact i am still alive when i never planned to be is so heavy#which makes it feel like all of a sudden i have a timer and i need to kiilllmyself#but mostly. The biggest issue is i think of my exbest friend bc it was our week always even if they treated me horrible#and i would just go along with whatever they wanted even if i hated it and i just think about them think about them think about them#and i dont want them in my life but i will talk myself into missing them#and feel guilty like its my fault like i deserved everything they did to me like i should never be allowed to move past it#and then i get so embarassed over how i let them rule my life and ruin so much for me and made me break away from people i care about#but then its like im so lonely at least they were always there even if they hated me#even if they wanted me to be so miserable even if they just wanted to know they would always have someone to push around#And i still have trouble when it comes to food im still scared of opening up to people im still scared of my friends of buying new clothes#somehow everything they said to and about me was true even though none of it is and it hurt me and ruined so much#but i must have deserved it. they were supposed to know me best. and i never have known myself#so everything they had said about me has been true for so long.#every time i have the thought that i miss them i think i need to crash my car#every year it gets better every week it is easier but its been so bad recently its been so bad i feel like pieces of me are falling apart#i dont want to manifest this year it being bad bc its just starting to get easier after my total depressive state but god#im looking at are they made for me years ago and i want to rip it apart but i cant every time i try i almost throw up.#i think im going to throw up right now.#deeply pathetic.#news with isaac
11 notes · View notes
bunnihearted · 5 months
Text
lately i've been finding it so so hard to be positive and hopeful. and it's making me so bitter and hateful. i hate it but i dont know what to do about it
#idk it's just all too much to deal w#i have sm pains and physical discomforts. money issues. stress bc my avpd is making school very hard for me to finish#i have suicidal thoughts and really bad anxiety every single day. i've basically begged the mental health care system for help for 7 months#like i've kept contacting them and asking them but they havent done anything at all for me. i dont even get to see anyone and talk#i just dont know what to do or how to handle it#im so stressed abt the future. i have to finish school but then choose smth so i can go to school/get a degree & get a job#im holding my mom down and back and i need to find a way to kove out from her and support myself#i have no friends to meet or hangout with and destress with etc etc and im really feeling the lack of it#idk the list just goes on and on and on#nothing is working and idk how to fix it. but also i know that me and only me have to find a way bc there is no help#i struggle bc of my avpd and mental health but there is no treatment for me to get. they just dont wanna give me *any* help at all#im just so frustrated. and every day is the same. everyday is full of some physical pain anxiety stress worries suicidal thoughts etc etc#i cant break free idk how!!!! my life is so fkn boring and pathetic and miserable#i never get to relax bc all of a sudden last year i got extremely noise sensitive. and it's never quiet anywhere in this city#anyway yeah i could just keep going. and like now im feeling anxious bc my tooth is aching :((#it -everything- never stops or lets up or relents. and it makes me wanna die even more.#so... idk im just incapable of being hopeful abt anything and that's really killing me idk
22 notes · View notes
expensivemountaintea · 2 months
Text
Look, I didn't want to be that person, but I hate, hate, HATE, the new animation style of Lego Monkie kid. Now you could never make me hate the animators. Never hate on the animators. They are underpaid, underappreciated and most importantly overworked. I repeat, do not blame the animators. Who I do blame, is whoever made the decision to switch studios because the new one was cheaper. F**k them. I hope they step on lego.
3 notes · View notes
aeide-thea · 1 year
Text
do you ever think abt like. how it takes you twice as much work to arrive at half as much personhood and by the time you've managed to scrape yrself together that far the ppl you were trying to join in with have moved on
20 notes · View notes
apathyfairy · 10 months
Text
you are either a girl who is miserable and sad on her birthday or a girl who loves her birthday and there is no in between and neither group will ever understand the other
10 notes · View notes
delicatetaysversion · 1 month
Text
okay ventpost time im bored and my period is late
#my mother is leaving AGAIN#to stay with my father#bhai mujhe nahi rehna akele i don't want to parent my brother#i don't want to cook or stress about what to eat and clothes and laundry and literally buying vegetables every few days#well all these things are just surface level but i REALLYYYYY do not want to live alone with my thoughts#i want to study i can't just study on my phone with no adult mere sarr pe khade hoke asking ki itna tv#kyu dekh rahi hai kya hua class kyu nahi attend kari#kar liya try bhai call me immature and childish and pathetic and dependent and undisciplined whatever but mere bas ki baat nahi hai#also ooooh listen to my moms great solution: she'll stay there and dad will come!! to live with us two!! alone!! haha.#it's sk fucking sad and repetitively traumatizing ki i don't even know how to react#my sister is the only kid both my parents like when she stays home things are mostly calm and happy#they dote on her they tolerate us#and they should i love her too but now i feel like crying because i don't want her to stay back just for me??? my stupid mental health??#she's doing enough by staying here till rakhi just because i asked her begged her to not leave me alone mami ke side#she could've fucked off and gone to live her life 10 days ago#it's not fair#the person i love and want to live with.. if she stays she's miserable and her being miserable mskes me miserable#i just. i miss her so much. she already feels so distant and busy and then she'll go abroad and totally forget about me right#who doesn't need all this constant depression holding you back weighing you down when you're living your best life#i hate that there's no solution i just have to grow up and be okay with it#i already got more time with her than i thought she stayed home like 2 years extra cause of covid#3 actually#ab why am i crying it was a good day#also i don't want to make it all about me but like. idk when i was picturing my adult life i was thinking like#night clubs and gay bars and beaches at night#i never factored in real factors like the horrifying fucking country we live in 💀💀#it's just it was the only thing that kept me going the promise of a better future#but now what.#and like#it's feels so stupid now the fact that i sometimes want to like
2 notes · View notes