#cuz then at least I could pinpoint it I could figure it out

[lesbiansanemi]

New low. Sobbing in the floor of a dark empty apartment

[kaydens-agere]

💻Chase Davenport Agere Moodboard and Headcanons Pt. 1!🧪

Headcanons are under the cut :) I might make more of these headcanons cuz RAH I LOVE CHASE SM SDJFKLSDF Also this post is so long im so sorry for yapping so much 💀

🪐GENERAL INFO 💻-Chase's little age is 2-8, though it can be a little older or a little younger depending on the circumstances. 🧪-He couldn't pinpoint a time where it began, but it became more prominent in his life after he got let out of the basement, and continued to become a bigger part of his life with each traumatic event (Betrayals, Near Death Experiences, etc)

💻-When it first begun, he immediately begun doing research and it concerned him at first, however, he managed to gain control and kinda suppressed it for a while, but with each every little thing that happened, he'd lose his grasp on that initial control. It scared him a lot, since he didn't want this side of him to be known to anyone. [more on this in the family section]

🧪-He can still use his bionics while he's small, but he has a harder time controlling them and they glitch more often (just like when he was actually a kid). Whenever he goes to put something in his mouth or chew it, he'll scan it first to make sure it's safe, sometimes he cares, other times he just puts it in his mouth anyway. If Chase stims using his arms, sometimes his molecular kinesis will glitch and knock things over or send them flying across the room, he's had to have someone disable it a few times.

💻-Chase stims a lot more often when he's small, he mostly just flaps his hands, he loves to pull his hoodie sleeves over his hands while he does it. He also does a lot of vocal stims, whether it's nonsense babbling or tongue clicking noises. He also loves to chew, he has a chewelry necklace that's pretty much attached to him while he's little, no one lets him take it off out of fear that he'll bite on something else that he shouldn't.

🧪-He loves to play with those kids science kits. He still retains most of his super intelligence so they're not as much of a challenge, but he likes the simplicity of them (this one was inspired by @paper--moons agere headcanons abt Peter Parker :))

🪐FAMILY 💻-His regression mannerisms became more apparent to other people after Sebastian. He swore to himself that he'd never tell a soul, but his family eventually did find out, whether he told them or if they figured it out themselves.

🧪-Adam and Bree knew about Chase regressing but they didn't have a name for it, all they knew is that he acted childish at times, especially after a stressful mission. They've become very receptive of each other, considering the fact that they lived in a basement together all their lives. Adam likes to give him piggy back rides and Bree plays tag with him (and even though she has super speed, she usually lets him win)

💻-Leo already knew what regression was, he's been around tumblr enough to get a good understanding (me fr) and has some friends that do it. He'd witnessed Chase's regression a few times before eventually asking about it, in which Chase told him. Leo is very supportive of Chase and lets him play with his action figures with him.

🧪-Telling Donald was... complicated. Donald noticed Chase's childish tendencies and always told him to knock it off. Chase did eventually explain it to him, and although he didn't quite understand it (and sort of didn't want to at the time), he eventually came around. He can still be a bit harsh towards Chase if he's regressed while he's meant to be working, but he's trying his best.

💻-Unlike Donald, Douglas was extremely chill about it. He had a feeling about it after reconciling with his family, and Chase telling him confirmed his suspisions. It pretty much went like this: Chase: So um... I'm an age regressor. It basically means- Douglas: I know. Chase: ... You do? Douglas: Uh, yeah. I could already tell, kid. It's pretty damn obvious, at least to me, anyway. Chase: Oh, alright. Um... any questions about it? Douglas: Nope. He didn't want to pry Chase with questions about it, but trusts him to come to him whenever he needs to, which has happened a few times. After Douglas moved into the penthouse in Centium City, Chase went to him more than a few times after having nightmares, or if he was simply missing his siblings or life in Mission Creek. They've shared a few nice moments on the terrace.

🧪-Tasha knows a lot more than she lets on. She let Chase explain it to her, but in reality, she knows a lot about it. She actually cares for a little herself, but has never told anyone about it [feel free to leave ur guesses as to who it could be :) /nf] She's kinda like one of Chase's babysitters if his main caregiver isn't available (Who will be revealed in the next part). She's very nurturing and makes it easy for Chase to let his guard down. [Not including Marcus or Daniel because Marcus wouldn't have had time to find out, and Daniel hadn't been in the picture for very long, so Chase wanted to hold off for a while]

okayy thats about all i can think of rn, ill probably do a part 2 cuz i have so many agere headcanons about this man, feel free to give me requests for hcs about different characters if you wanna :) ALSO to the person that sent me a request, dont worry im still working on it :)l

[casperfergy]

Chapter 2

the few and strange

I walk up the steps to the orphanage the day gloomy the night wrong and my life turned upside down.

The lady answered the door stiff. "What do you want?"

"Excuse Me Miss but this young lady needs a home." The kind woman from the last house that I was at brought me to the orphanage.

"Are you going to be any trouble?" Looks at me eyebrow raised.

"No mam," I sadly say.

"OK, then you can stay but you will be earning your keep like all the kids do. Do we understand?"

"Yes mam," as I begin to puddle.

The lady lets me in, and as I'm going in she talks to someone else about a room for me. Apparently they are so full they've had to double if not triple on children in rooms. And they talk about chores that I can do including dishwashing and working in the garden. So I figure at the very least I get some food in my belly and I have something to do. I want to make friends but at this point I really don't care I miss my family I miss my life from before but I know it won't ever be the same I miss my uncle being so protective of me and causing trouble together, I miss my mom I miss my dad I miss my old life. But past is past, even if your past is in the future. They found a room for the night for me and as I lay on my bed I Let Go and cry all night.

The next morning my new roommate's and I have some time together to get to know each other. The others have got to know each other quite well and are friends but unfortunately they are bullies they make fun of the other kids who are different and the fact I am their new roommate they expect me to join in and do the same but I cannot. I cannot make fun of others because they themselves are different in a way that I am different if not better for theirs is able to be concealed quite easily. As the years pass I go from room to room trying to find roommates that will at least tolerate me and I can tolerate them. But there's always some problem whether it's them causing trouble with me or when I finally let down my guard and they see how I actually look they run and hide and tell the Mistress of the house that I'm a freak and they don't want to room with me. And this goes on and on for a few years.

As I am growing up I hear about this boy in the same orphanage no one wants to be around him either. People say he causes trouble and pain everywhere he goes. And I can't help myself but have my interest piqued wanting to know more about this boy. That at one point hearing no one else wants to room with him either, the head mistress asks me if I would like to try and room with him. Of course I say yes, after all at the very least I could find someone who's tolerable even if they don't say anything. At least have some sort of decorum between the both of us.

That very night I meet him and I can't help but think he's gorgeous with his curly dark hair and sharp features and I don't know what it is but he feels familiar you know it's a familiar feeling around him although I can't pinpoint it or understand it just yet. But his eyes look dark and lonely and you can see the wall behind his eyes when he first meets someone. My only wish tonight is to knock down even one of those walls.

"Little miss this is Tom Riddle, Tom Riddle this is Y/N Y/L/N. Tom this is your new roommate and due to the fact no one else wants to be roommates with either one of you I think you guys should get rather well acquainted, cuz this situation will be permanent."

"Hi," I say and pull my hand out.

"Hello," he says and instead of shaking my hand he goes to grab and kiss the back of my hand which makes me feel all fluttery inside and I can't help but blush.

Wonderfully we develop more than just the decorum but an actual friendship it's so easy just to be me around him and vice versa. We're so similar and yet so different we both have this power that we don't quite understand yet but we're trying and maybe, just maybe, we can help each other out to learn from one another. After all we went from being troubled to causing the trouble and having fun while doing it.

We've gotten quite close in such little time but one day Tom had a visitor and had the ability to go to a different School. So of course you know I just hung around him more knowing that this was a boarding school so during the school year he would go off to school and stay there while I'm stuck here with everyone else. I felt like I was losing someone all over again although I know I wasn't I will see him back in the summer but he had become like a family member to me like a part of me. To let go of him even just for a few months was like severing your arm from the rest of your body. It made me curious about the visitor, it made me curious about the school. But most of all it made me curious about Tom and wondering if he was going to be okay there and why he's leaving me behind. And still why does this feeling around him feel so familiar.

For a couple of years, even just for those two months I enjoy every minute of time I get from him. During the year it's pretty much just study study study work work. And now I have my own job outside of the orphanage, I get to work at a daycare as a helper and gardener. I get to help not with the kids but with the animals, and with the plants outside. Plants and animals have always been my thing but that might be because of my special gift since I can talk two and control both. I always said animals have always been a lot nicer then people. But maybe it's because they're friendship is all so simple, people want the drama so I don't want people, well except one.

[spotsupstuff]

I promised myself that I'd make a compilation of all of her appearances first but I'm lyin in the bed thinkin deep so allow me to word vomit a bit about WBS, perhaps,,,

She seems so fucking strange to me, let me start with that??? Idk why but I took her for an emotionless reserved being when I first started doin stuff with her n rewatching the show again n kinda just... focusing on her, she seems so normal...

And it's fucking me up that BASICALLY we should know HER better than Six Ear if we would compare those two's number of appearances or how many times have they been discussed (Six Ear's two episodes vs entire fucking season dedicated to WBS' build up + SOME MORE in s1 at the end, too) n yet the fandom has better grip on the fucked up melanin boy rather than her

Thinking of this, it just makes me go 👀💦 even more cuz it just seems unnatural from a story-telling perspective. She's been built up for so long, this is gon be kinda her third season hanging around now and I'm geniunely wondering if she will last even longer (tho she Is running on the risk of getting boring). It's kinda fascinating how LMK is making her presence stretch out n keeping her interesting by not letting us see her as a person properly, unlike for example Ninjago n its One Villain Per Season shtick (most of the time n yea ninjago has a longer runtime but still)

And like lookin at her a bit closer... She's like??? Kinda more chill than her first impression left on me and WAY more chill than Six??

Lemme explain

We all kno how wild everyone is about Six Ear getting a redemption arc. Probably everyone in this fandom space has entertained the thought of Six on team Xiaotian at least once. Betcha that almost no one did the same with WBS. And I'd like to look a bit into that, cuz honestly? They are basically the same villain with varying amount of presence and different goals. A "solo player which gets what they want through either detailed planning or manipulation/mind games"

If I'm being honest, Six seems like a Worse person than her to me, though I May Be Biased, I'm not gon deny that

Neither has shown a want to become a good person. The only difference I can kinda pinpoint of why is Six seen as "morally better"/"more viable for redemption" is that he's hiding behind a sob story which might be bent around to make him seem more sympathetic and he first presented himself as a friend/typical strict asian parent figure when Xiaotian was... displeased with SWK's training tactics. But when it comes to the actual actions of theirs?

WBS is working towards a goal and using the people around her as tools to get towards that goal. When she's done with them, she... Recycles. She makes no emotional bonds. The only other character she seems "warm" towards is the fucking Fake Mayor and the leading theory for THAT guy is that he's a literal piece of her

Then there's Six with his. disgusting fucking... Tendency to create a one-sided emotional bond between him and his victim. Get all in their face. Constantly Touch (yeah, could be attributed to being touch starved. doesn't make it any better). Both in English and Mandarin that sigh he heaves before he whips out the lantern @ Xiaotian to attack is just SO FUCKING self-entitled to claiming Xiaotian as someone he gets to boss around. The way he's worming his way around and inside the brains of both Xiaotian and us as an audience with all the possible lies is just Disturbing and seems so much worse than what WBS is doing. She's at least somewhat straightforward with her bullshit. He's playing around.

It's also interesting that there's more to the parallel between Six n her. Both of them puppeteered people- WBS the spider gang and Six Xiaotian's family. N again Six seems worse because Spider Queen isn't in the same position as Xiaotian. She doesn't really need the support of the gang that badly. She isn't a kid getting attacked by her father figures. She's been alive for so fucking long, probably, too, she knows better how to deal with this. Xiaotian is dependant on his family so fucking much and the horror that Six put him thru when you consider this is on a deeper level... It's just fucking disgusting. I feel like the only reason we didn't have a more detailed scene showing how it affected Xiaotian was cuz Six didn't give him the time to breathe nor really understand what was going on. He laughed and then made the shadow puppets attack

I THINK this is mainly why I'm being so doubtful about Six Ear's redemption and so surprised on how he's treated by the fandom (u do u, as always, it's just curious to me) compared to WBS. His first impression was father figure and as human brains tend to do, we all ended up latched onto that image and want more of that fake comfort he fed to Xiaotian but want it to be as geniune as it seemed the first time he showed up. While WBS popped in and immediately tried to destroy the Bull family from inside so we see her as complete evil

Everything just because how they presented themselves the first time they showed up on screen. That's so fucking wild to me

[opluffys]

What We Aren’t- Killer x Reader

this took me so long cuz i had no motivation to write it... i fucking love killer but i’m so lazy lol. i hate this but there’s not that many fics for him, so enjoy? idk i’ve been unhappy with my writing for a while ughhh. please enjoy even though it’s bad! *please let me know if something looks off in the writing, sometimes it copies weird!!*

-smut/nsfw-

You sat perched upon your small, uncomfortable office chair, calmly awaiting a very important call. All you had been doing this entire day was waiting, for that damn transponder snail to ring. How long does it take to read over one single paper and respond back?

Being a member of a Supernova's crew meant a lot of injuries, you were no fool, no. You knew the toll it'd take on you as a surgeon to become Kid's ship doctor. One would take a look at you and assume you had enjoyed the challenge, the thrill of getting a new patient under the operating table each hour with something new wrong with them.

No, that was not the case, not at all.

Goodness, you adored being a surgeon, of course! Holding that scalpel and practically slicing people open always made you giddy. A sadistic surgeon, guess that's what people would pinpoint you as. But those were just simple perks of being the ship doctor on the Victoria Punk.

The real treat was the second in command.

Every time you weren't blinded by the lights in the operating room, you would steal glances at the attractive man. How mysterious he was just did wonders for you...

Over the years that you had stayed, you obviously had made advances. You wouldn't say that Killer always had women throwing themselves at him, they must be blind, though. So of course when you hinted that you wanted him in a more, intimate, manner, he at times accepted.

The two of you were not in a relationship, in fact, the two of you had barely exchanged any words to one another. Even though you always treated his wounds with utmost care, and not a word was said. Just a simple thanks and he was on his way.

You didn't care, though. You were not, by any means, looking for a long term relationship. You did not have the time for that, and you probably never would, if you were to continue your role as a surgeon, that was all you could focus on.

You scribbled notes down messily, crossing names out on the list quickly. While you waited for the transponder snail to ring, you decided to doodle a list. It wasn't important, not in the slightest. But you wanted to see how each crew member had gotten injured and where. It wouldn't help, but it was fun to see such a thing.

You heard the door swing open, being caught just in time in order not to bang against the wall. You were about to yell at whoever burst inside in such a way, but then you saw that familiar mass of fluffy blonde hair.

"Well, hello." You said, settling back into the chair, hearing it give a weak squeak in response to any weight put onto it. You really needed to get a new chair.

Killer grunted in response, and a small sigh left your lips. At times, you would question why he wasn't so talkative like the rest of the crew.

You quickly ripped the list that you had made, tossing it in the nearest trash bin you could find. You figured now would be a time to make an actual list you would use, not one that would bring you petty amusement.

"So, what do you need? You don't look injured, and I only do surgeries. So go over to the others if you have a scratch you need checked." You said, scribbling more unreadable words down.

"Since when do you only do surgeries?" You heard an unfamiliar voice pipe in. In question, you rose your head from the notes over to the voice you heard. After seeing a random lackey holding bandages, you scoffed and gave an eye roll.

"Too many on this ship come to me everyday to go under my operating table. You know that? Imagine if I had to take care of everyone else who came to me with a runny nose crying for dear life. I'd go insane." You said, relaxing your skilled hands in your lap, smiling proudly. Of course you would end up helping anyone who wandered into your office regardless. You knew nobody else could take care of anyone like you.

You shooed the young boy out of the office, who smiled in return to your words, not believing a thing, he knew how soft you were.

You groaned loudly, putting your head against the table. Why couldn't you be a mean pirate like your captain? Refusing any with a small bruise on their arm. It's your own damn fault, being too nice to the crew members, acting like their damn mother.

You then returned to take your notes.

"I need painkillers."

You nearly had a heart attack.

"You're gonna fucking end me..!" You gasped, feeling your heart beat quicken.

You calmed down quickly, your heart still beating quite quickly. Not because of how scared you were, but because of who was in front of you.

"Why?"

"I've been feeling a little sore and tense lately." Killer replied, leaning on the wall.

You laughed, bringing your hand to your mouth. "I can give you painkillers for that, but it can easily go away by a simple massage." You said, kicking your legs up onto the table. Hell, it was disrespectful, but it was your office. You could do whatever the fuck you wanted here.

"And I think I could help you out with that." You added, sounding a little suggestive about a simple favour to a friend, if you could call him such a thing.

"I thought you only did surgeries..?" He said, and you could've swore you heard a slight teasing undertone. Sly bastard...

You didn't bother a reply, you did not want to bicker with the man. Especially at a time where just a look at him paired with the sound of his voice would ignite your entire body on fire.

You sauntered over to him, urging him to take a seat. He did so, and you knew your chair couldn't take his mass of muscles for very long.

"Your shirt." You said from your place behind him. You were sure the both of you knew he didn't really need his shirt off. But ugh, that back of his...

You obviously were not a masseuse, but how hard could it be?

You dipped your fingers into his skin lightly, pushing harder when he didn't say anything to put a stop to you.

After around thirty or so minutes, you could've cooked anything with just the temperature of your skin. You were dying to be under the man in front of you, harsh nail markings sporting his sculpted back.

You leaned in a little closer, pressing your lips against the nape of his neck. He immediately stiffened, not being used to such a loving gesture.

"So? How does it feel now?" You questioned, spinning him around to view you.

You took a seat on his thighs, a much better place to be seated than your chair.

"I hope I made you feel at least a little better. It would hurt my reputation if one of my patients left without being helped, even just a bit." You grinned, hands roaming all over his built chest.

His breath hitched as you began to move your hips against him, feeling his hands attach to you.

"Now?" Killer questioned, not seeming to protest against any of your actions.

"Why not? I've been awaiting a call, but it looks like that idiot forgot about it."

It seems as if that were all the affirmation he needed, because soon after you said that, you were pushed harshly against your own desk, a surprised squeak coming from you.

Your garments were ripped off with haste, a lazy smile spread across your reddened lips.

Within seconds, you were just an utter mess. You always questioned how he always knew what your body had craved from him.      

He quickly pushed your soaked panties aside, sliding his fingers against your slick folds. You bit your lip to try to prevent any unwanted noise from leaving you, but just the sheer skill he had was too much for you.

Your cheek was against the desk, your mouth slightly agape. Such a lewd face you had made, and all he had done was a little teasing.

"So wet already. What have we done that was exciting?"

You whimpered in response, pushing your hips back in hopes of feeling his fingers, or rather, something else, fill your insides.

You felt his presence flush against your back, "Or maybe," he pushed his fingers inside agonizingly slow, nearly causing your death, "this had been on your mind the entire day?"

Fuck, this man was a master at reading people.

Your hands were balled into fists, nails creating marks on your soft palm. You didn't want to give in, you didn't want to beg, but your mind was beginning to disagree with your pride.

"No. That's not the case..." You gasped, feeling his thick fingers curling inside of you, "Hmm, I don't like liars. But, I do like watching you squirm."

"All you have to do is tell me the truth, come on. I know you can do it." Sick bastard. Fuck him. Yeah, you didn't need him, you could finish yourself off, if needed.

"I already told you," You took a deep breath, feeling him move behind you with ill intentions, "all that I've done today was wait for a call. Then, I'd seen you... My thoughts had run for a little, that's all."

Yeah right! Like he'd believe such a thing! This seems like a child who took something they shouldn't. It wasn't your fault, you weren't working properly. Your mind had become wired on feeling Killer inside of you, and that's what you had needed.

You heard shuffling behind you, followed by the removal of his digits. You grumbled unhappily, was he really hellbent on you admitting something that didn't matter? You were both adults, and adults were supposed to get mad behind closed doors. Yup.

While you had been lost in thought, you felt his tip press against your dripping entrance. Finally! About time! You almost broke out in song you were so happy.

You won this little dispute.

Actually, no. You didn't.

He pushed himself inside rather slowly, cock snug against your velvety walls. You expected him to start moving, or at least do anything. But nope.

Nothing.

"Seriously..." You mumbled, trying to move back into him, obviously he didn't allow this, hands stopping any of your ministrations.

This is fine. You were going to be okay like this. You weren't going to give up. You wanted to be a pirate, so you couldn't just rip your pride to shreds.

You knew he couldn't last longer than you. He would crack eventually, and you would triumph. In this case, it was seen as the opposite.

"You really can't admit it, can you?"

No! You couldn't! It wasn't the truth... Mhm, just keep telling yourself that.

You knew he obviously didn't care, he just loved to see you have an internal meltdown. He would use anything and everything he could against you. You could practically hear the 'teehee' come from the bastard.

He took a seat on your tiny chair, bringing you with him while the chair squeaked in discomfort. Now sitting upright on him, oh this wasn't good for you. You could feel him deeper inside of you and you craved more. You craved sweet friction of any kind.

You squeezed around him tightly, trying to ease him into forgetting about this little feud.

You heard his breathing become slightly uneven after that, you grinned, you had an ace up your sleeve.

"What kind of monster takes teasing to such a level?" You politely asked, slightly raising your hips. He wasn't able to stop you in time as you sank onto him slowly.

He was so heavy inside of you, you couldn't take it anymore. You wanted him to fuck you until your mind stopped working. You just got a little taste of what you could have, and you wanted more, you wanted it all.

"How about we take a rain check on this. I think we're both a little needy today." You smiled, you're such a genius. This way, you didn't lose. No, you won. You wanted to tell him to suck it, but you had boundaries.

"Fine. But next time, don't expect me to give in so easily." He sighed, getting a better grip on your hips.

You turned around briefly, seating yourself back onto him. You always secretly enjoyed being so close to him, hearing his heartbeat in an irregular way. Maybe it was because you were so close. Your face heated up a bit, no, that couldn't be it. You placed you hands on his chest gently, "You can move now." You braced yourself for a second, at times, the two of you had gotten a bit rough. You didn't mind, as long as the both of you enjoyed it, you were happy.

He lifted you slightly, you felt a little empty for a moment but sighed blissfully when you felt him back inside.

This was an odd pace... Almost like he was taking how you felt in consideration. Usually you fucked like animals, but this? This was more of a lovers pace. Even the way he held you, it was gentle, for such a large man you hadn't thought he could hold you in such a way.

Maybe he was still teasing, going at a slower pace than you were used to. You could wait a little, at least he was moving now. Your head made contact with his chest, a slightly more comfortable pose for you.

How awkward for him! Your soft hands at his chest lovingly, your face against him while he slowly pumped inside of you... This is what lovers would do, not people who just wanted a quick session... He almost imagined you looking up at him with teary eyes, mumbling an 'I love you'.

He too, felt his face warm. It was such an uncomfortable feeling for someone who didn't welcome such emotions.

A small part of you somewhat enjoyed this, being next to him like this. You wished you could feel his lips plush against your own at this very moment. You smiled while in thought.

He looked down at you through the holes in his mask, he didn't expect such a serene look on you..! You had been liked this, hadn't you? Holding him while you had sighed and whimpered with want.

He took no time to pull out of you, flip you the other way, so you were, once again, facing the desk. He shoved himself inside, pounding into you at a more wanted rate.

All of this has happened very fast. Literally blink of an eye. You had no time to adjust whatsoever, from a slow and leisurely pace, to harsh snapping of the hips.

The expression on your face was priceless, but also very vulgar. The illusion of lovers was wiped away instantly, meaningless pleasure filling its slot.

Your muscles had stopped supporting you, your body nearly becoming lifeless. You silently depended on Killer to keep your body from not falling off of the desk. You laughed imagining this actually happening.

Your eyes screwed shut while your lips had only been able to form, 'yes yes yes!'. You knew his ego was through the roof right now, having a girl under him screaming for more.

And you were right, spot on, actually.

Again, Killer didn't always have women offering themselves to him. You however, would happily flock to him anytime he felt like he needed to relieve some stress.

He looked down at you again, seeing your greedy cunt swallow his cock with urgency put him in a trance. Fuck you took him too good. It was literally as if you were the missing piece to his life.

The way your insides clenched around his length every single time he moved a single muscle, paired with your small and delicate moans... He felt like he'd break you in an instant at such a pace. But he knew you could take it, he wanted you to take all of him every time the two of you do this.

Tears came out of your closed eyes due to the intensity your body was undergoing. It felt fucking phenomenal to be stretched and filled and body bent while being pushed into the uncomfortable wood of the desk. God, you nearly unraveled right there.

Your grip on the desk tightened, knuckled turning a burning white. You couldn't go on forever, you knew that. But with the earlier teasing, you were going to be finished soon.

"Oh fuck yes... Right there fuck yes!!" You screamed, the feeling of pleasure skyrocket when he brushed against that sweet bundle of nerves inside.

"Right here, huh..?" He hummed, large hand caressing the curve of your ass. You panted and whispered something even you didn't know in response. You were just broken at this point.

You were certainly not prepared for when he continued to slam into that desired spot over, and over, and- oh fuck you couldn't handle this shit.

Your orgasm hit you fucking hard, you felt lifeless. Completely and utterly dead.

Seeing you moan and whimper desperately beneath him was, simply, hot as fuck to Killer. The way your body silently begged for more with every thrust, you lightly convulsing and squeezing him when you had gotten close, and the sudden outburst when you had finished... It just kept replaying in his head over, and over, and- oh fuck he couldn't handle this shit.

A deep grunt left him and he pushed deep inside of you again, a quiet whimper coming from you since you were so sensitive. His tip giving a final kiss to your insides, and finally sealing his hot release in you.

You mumbled incoherently while you struggled to get up, trying to pull on your panties.

"Woah, no need to waste." He grinned, pushing a finger into your entrance, keeping his cum inside.

You lightly fell onto his lap, not knowing he'd still stimulate your exhausted nerves. You turned your head into his hard chest and nearly cried.

"Don't be an asshole..." You muttered lowly, looking up at him, "Someone might come in and see."

"So? Maybe it's a kink of yours..." He replied, voice slightly hinting a mischievous undertone.

You snickered, rolling your eyes. When he wasn't so scary, he was quite pleasant to be around.

"Maybe... We might explore some of your kinks too." You giggled, feeling him stiffen at your response. Usually after sex the two of you would go separate ways. You would never bask in the afterglow with him, at least not this long. Talking so casually, too.

You were scared at what the two of you shouldn't become. This was a dangerous life, you couldn't get attached.

And finally the fucking phone rang.

It was as you hadn't just had the best sex of your life, finally this idiot had done what you asked. Who the hell knows why it took him so long.

"Yes? Hello?" You answered, getting off of your comfortable seat, which had been Killer, and leant against the desk.

"What a fucking view..." He mumbled to himself. It seemed that you had forgotten to put your garments on, just how important was this call?

You faked a laugh, this fucker said he went to the wrong island. How. How did that happen..? You would be sure to give him hell when he came back.

"It's okay! It's okay, I'm not mad!" Yeah, you're fucking seething. He was lucky you got remarkable sex out of this.

"Yes, please tell me how much they want for it? Also don't forget to try to swindle them for it, okay? I know you're a shy bastard but you can do it!" You said into the phone. He better get your herbs. You need these stupid little fucking plants or else you couldn't make your medicine.

"Holy shit, that's a lot of money... Well can you try-"

Oh he did not just.

While you were on the phone.

Your assistant constantly asked if you were okay, a shaky answer leaving your red lips.

"Hold on a second sweetie." You said calmly into the phone, acting like you didn't once again, have a huge cock deep inside of you.

"While I'm talking to someone? You couldn't fucking wait?" You whispered, bending slightly. This man had no shame, he wanted you to take it all, clearly.

"Let's see how quiet you can be." He retorted, not even acting like he'd done anything wrong. "Fine, just don't move too much. I don't want anyone on the other line figuring out that we're doing something so scandalous... It's quite rude to do so on the phone." You sighed, removing your hand off of the receiver.

You actually held up quite well, rocking side to side a bit while holding a normal conversation with the shop keeper, haggling about a price. You were so proud of yourself!

“No, put the price lower that’s way too... Too, ah..! Oh fuck..!” You yelled, feeling his large thumb rub harsh circles into your clit. Now everyone knew what you were doing, fucking great.

“Aww, and you were doing so well.” He chuckled, watching you shake under him. You didn’t bother saying anything back to him, too far gone in your own pleasure to care.

How embarrassing... You could try to cover this up, but you don’t know if that would end up well...

“Yes, yes I’m fine... Just stubbed my toe...” You laughed nervously, biting your lip not to let any unwanted noises out.

“How sly.” He smiled, hidden admiration in his voice. You gave him a quick middle finger, cursing at him a couple of times.

“Yeah thanks sweetheart. I’m gonna hang up now okay? Yeah, bye bye.” You spoke, not even hearing anything your assistant had said. You were focused on feeling another great climax, and certainly didn’t care about the price of the plant any longer.

“You’re so fucking wet...”

“Yeah, I wonder why.” Cue the eye roll, “I guess I was right? This is one of your kinks, isn’t it?” He grinned, pushing his cock deeper inside of your warm walls.

“You gonna finish inside of me without warning again?” You muttered, exhaling a shaky breath.

“Only if you want it babe.”

Oh. Oh he had called you babe. Names like those? Oh fuck now you were gonna get attached, and... And...

And maybe that’s okay.

“Fill me up.” You moaned, letting out a gasp of his name that you had chanted like a prayer.

You sure as hell didn’t need to tell him twice.

•Bonus•

“Hey,” You looked up at Killer, hugging him under the sheets, “I think I like you.” You sighed, worried for his answer. You had a feeling the worst thing that could happen was a simple no, but hopefully you wouldn’t lose the sex.

He took his warm hands off of you, which you took as a no towards your earlier statement. You felt a tinge of embarrassment, but since you were so tired, you also didn’t care.

He lifted his mask just so his painted lips were shown, he quickly captured your lips in his own and you felt the sparks fly. You initially thought that it was just sexual, but during the day when you had thought of him, goodness, you were oblivious to your own feelings.

“Really now? You’re not just using me for the sex, are you?” He whispered, voice husky and deep in your ear. You reached to scratch his goatee lightly, “Who knows.” You pressed your lips against his once again, sitting upwards and quickly growing hot. Who knew a make out session would be this hot? The mans got mystery, that’s some extra points right there.

“I think I like you too.”

[makeste]

some rambly Wednesday night thoughts on Kacchan’s hero name

so out of acknowledgement of the fact that the vast majority of fandom has basically accepted Dynamight as canon, I have been doing some analyzing of my own internal fandom biases these past few days, trying to identify just what it is that’s still making me have such a hard time accepting this name reveal. and I think I’ve pinpointed that now. and so now that I have, I would like to partially renege on my previous post, because that was four whole days ago, and we have to grow and change with the times or else they will a-change without us.

anyway, so basically what it boils down to is that for me, it’s not enough for his name to just be an All Might tribute. for me, the reveal of oh, he named himself after All Might is just not enough on its own to justify having a 200-chapter arc devoted to this plot. it’s not a satisfying resolution. because the thing is, we already knew that. and so that’s basically the thought that’s been running through my head these past few days whenever I see posts analyzing the new name. okay, but we already knew that, though.

I’m trying to figure out how best to describe this, but basically it’s like this constant feeling of waiting for someone to finally finish the rest of their sentence. like, yeah, I get that, I already heard that part. but where’s the rest of it? because this doesn’t tell us anything new, is the thing. this is something we’ve known about Bakugou since day one. “I’ll even surpass All Might and become the best hero out there.”  yes, he looks up to All Might, that’s fine and that’s great, but we knew that.

here’s what it is for me. I need the name reveal to answer this specific question: what makes the Kacchan from chapter 252 different from the Kacchan all the way back in chapter 45? what is it that’s changed? what is different about him now? different enough that it took a journey of more than 200 chapters for him to finally settle on this choice?

and in my view, the answer to this question is very clearly not All Might, but Deku.

Deku is what has changed for him. his relationship with Deku. his restored trust in Deku. his desire to make amends to Deku. that’s the difference. this is what chapter 252 Kacchan has that chapter 45 Kacchan did not have. this is the only answer that to me makes any kind of narrative sense. when he makes the decision in chapter 252, when he finally settles on a name, his mind is clearly fixated on thoughts of atonement. and so his chosen name, in the end, has to relate back to Deku in some way in order for it to connect. that link has to be there somehow. that’s the only way that his name ties in with all of his character growth. that’s the only possible way this is going to feel right to me.

so yeah, if it turns out that the origins of the name “Dynamight” begin and end with Katsuki being a colossal fanboy nerd, I will be disappointed, ngl. not because I don’t think his admiration for All Might is important, because it is. but I will be disappointed because “I want to be like All Might” is his starting line, not his finish line. I’ll be disappointed because he’s had so much character growth since the story began that for him to choose a name that’s seemingly unrelated to all of that would seriously feel like a letdown.

having said that, there is one popular theory which, if true, would check off that box of “the name has to be connected to Deku” which is apparently such a deal-breaker to me! and that is the “Dynamight is a name that Deku originally suggested for him when they were kids” theory (as seen here for example). which I guess technically falls less under the category of “theory” and more under “speculation”, but still. the thing is, it’s all based on reasoning rather than evidence, but I think said reasoning is pretty sound. it’s basically that same rationale of “this doesn’t make narrative sense if there is no connection to Deku; so therefore, if this is his chosen name, it means that it must relate back to Deku in some way.” which to me is reasonable. and so if it does turn out to be true, I’m thinking I can get on board with that.

the 293 reveal scene is still pretty out of left field to me, ngl! but it’s worth noting that this is absolutely not the final version of his name, because as of right now the full name is technically GREAT EXPLOSION MURDER GOD DYNAMIGHT. the “GREAT EXPLOSION MURDER GOD” part isn’t just a title or preamble (all of those end with “hero”, so if that were the case it would have been “Explosion Murder God Hero: Dynamight”); it’s literally part of the name. I do appreciate that (as others have pointed out) he has apparently upgraded himself from Lord Explosion Murder to God Explosion Murder. but anyway, so it does mean he’ll need to change it at least one more time, though. which means we’ll get another “reveal” scene, and Horikoshi can pour all of the emotional weight and resonance into this second one, and if he does it right I don’t doubt he will sell me on it fully and completely.

and actually, if he really wants to go for the jugular, there is one long-awaited bonus move he can pull that will make it so that I basically never question anything he does ever again lol. and that is... well okay, let me backtrack. so first of all, maybe we get a scene where class 1-A is gathered at the hospital, or back in the dorms after everything has wrapped up, just convalescing and taking comfort in each others’ presence to distract them from thinking about how much therapy they’re all going to need now. and so they’re all there talking, and somehow word of Kacchan’s new hero name gets out, and while everyone else in the class is collapsed on the floor in tears, Kacchan and Deku maybe make some Significant Eye Contact for a bit and then Deku eventually says he likes it, but maybe shorten it down to just “Dynamight” though. and Kacchan is all “stfu nerd if I want your opinion I’ll ask for it” but of course he does go on to change it though, but not because of Deku’s suggestion!! just so we’re clear!! it’s just cuz he felt like it!! shut up!!

anyway. and just to be clear this last part is just me being WILDLY indulgent really, but I think it would be a real Power Move on Horikoshi’s part if afterwards, we cut to Deku heading back to his dorm room and thoughtfully lying back on his bed to reminisce, leading us into the flashback (by which I mean THE flashback, where Horikoshi shows that the name was actually his idea). and then, once we emerge back out of the flashback and into the room again, we see the familiar All Might posters on the wall and assume that we’re back in the present with Deku. but then we see the person that’s actually lying on the bed and it’s like WAIT A DARN SECOND, and that’s when Horikoshi reveals that we have actually transitioned to Kacchan’s room instead. BOOM. HOW YA LIKE THAT. TWO MYSTERIES SOLVED FOR THE PRICE OF ONE. TWIN FLASHBACKS, TWIN NERDY BEDROOMS. ALL THE PARALLELS YOU COULD EVER POSSIBLY WANT. MIRROR IMAGES, BABY. IT’S SPIDER-MAN POINTING MEMES ALL THE WAY DOWN.

lol but so anyways. tl;dr I’m coming around on this a bit. there are still certain things about “Dynamight” that will still feel slightly off to me even if the Deku Invented It theory does come to pass, mind. the main one being that it doesn’t really fit in with the theming of Deku and Shouto’s hero names, which I think are so simple -- basically just their own names -- for a reason. that reason being that it symbolically sets them apart from the flashy, superficial hero society of the past, and signals that this new generation will be different from that. and I won’t lie, I’ve always liked that about their names, and so if Kacchan’s doesn’t also fit in with this theme, it’s always going to look just slightly out of place to me. but unlike the Deku thing, that one’s not a personal deal-breaker, and I can learn to live with it.

so I guess we’ll see how it goes! right now it’s still about 50/50 for me; I can only talk myself into it so much until we see more of how this develops. it’s been long enough since the chapter release that I’ve had just enough time to completely second-guess myself on everything I ever thought I knew, but then two seconds later I’ll be like “nah this whole thing is completely crazy lol it was literally just a joke panel” and the whole process begins itself anew lol. all I know for sure is that I seriously cannot wait for the aftermath of this arc. it’s gonna be lit you guys. it is going to be so stupidly, stupidly good.

[eternally-drifting]

Eclipsed (Jungkook FF) - Ch.2

Discovering the kings biggest secret leads you into understanding the way he is, and how perhaps you have been just a bit too prejudice. After all, who are you to judge anyone.

pairing: Demon King Jungkook x Reader

genre: fantasy, fluff, inspired by the anime Inuyasha, slight e2l, then f2l, and some angst cuz why not, future smut, oh and a hint of gore.

warnings: mentions / descriptions of blood loss, insinuates d34th of character

word count: 1432

parts: <prev 2 / next>?

a/n: so this ones a little shorter and it’s not edited (nothing ever is). But i have written and re-written this chapter SO many times that this is the first time I’ve actually felt content with it. So... yeah

Without further notice, hope you enjoy this.

Feather light touches skimming across your face sent a shudder through you. The cooling breeze carrying the scent of morning dew, leaving a calming sensation as you inhaled and exhaled. You laid there in the soft, overgrown field of grass, not a single worry clouding your mind. It’s been so long since peace has been in your reach, this being perhaps the longest you’ve felt it. Desperate to stay in this… this realm.

Not having to worry about the usual troubles that occur in you day to day life. The usual weight in your chest – lifted. Never have you felt so light before. Reality doesn’t exist here, there are no mistakes, no judgments, no fears, no responsibilities, no doubts, no regrets!

Here, in this realm, you are whoever you choose to be. Wander however far or close you choose to go, and not have to answer to anyone but yourself. This realm, in this realm, you can be an ordinary woman, or the free wind. In this realm, you can just be.

“___,” it’s so soft, just as the breeze carrying it’s sound to you.

You open your eyes and are greeted with shades of purple transitioning into hues of coral, orange, and light blues. As the breeze continues its dance with the grass, you hear it again. Ever so soft and soothing in the wind.

“My darling ___.” The weight is settled back down. Feeling heavier than when it was lifted.

Sitting up, you turn your body around in the direction of her voice. Her image clearer than when you last saw her. “Mama…”

She smiled and yet; even in this realm it was sad. “You have to wake up now darling.”

“What?” No! not again. You disagreed, frantically shaking your head.

“Wakeup ___.” She reached her hand out towards you, but it was quickly fading away.

“N-no, please don’t. Please, stay here!” You pleaded, but you knew that it would do no good. Anytime you did, it always turned out the same.

“Forgive me ___,” and when you blinked, there she stood again. Drenched in her own blood, barely able to stand, and wheezing with every step she took. The final blow being that she continued to smile, even as her tears flowed down her face, the light in her eyes slowly dying out.

“I’m sorry ___,… I’m so sorry…” She collapsed to the ground, her blood having caused a puddle at her feet splashed, droplets landing on your face. You ran towards her in a frenzy.

‘This can’t be happening, not again, no! Please, not again!’ But when you reached to where she had fallen, her body wasn’t there. Any sign that she was even there in the first place – gone.

‘Wake up ___.’ What?

You twirled around to try and find her, but there was no one there. Even still, the voice continued, echoing through the open and empty space.

‘Wake up ___’

‘wake up… wake up… wake up… wakeupwakeupwakeupwakeupwakeup’

BANG!

You jumped awake, skin slick with sweat that your clothes and hair cling to you, chest heaving as you tried to calm yourself. Your arm throbbing in pain again from the sudden jump. Looking around, you realize that it was another bad dream.

‘Another nightmare mixed with reality.’ You huff out a scoff and shake your head at it all. “Suppose I can’t escape it even in my sleep.”

There was another bang and only when you calmed down enough, did you realize that it was coming from the front door.

Pinching the bridge of your nose, you grimaced at the thought. ‘Don’t tell me that he’s here already.’

The banging suddenly stopped, and you dared hope. ‘Maybe he le-‘

“I know you’re in there and awake ___, I can hear your heart beating, open up!” Wretched demon!

Laying back down for a second and closing your eyes, you took a deep breath before releasing an internal groan. Now that you were awake, the pain in your arm was amplified. Images from last night flash through your mind. The horror it was to stitch up the wound on your own nearly knocked you out. With a pitiful sigh, you made to throw your robe on with care to not further injure your arm.

The knocking continued and seemed to only become more and more obnoxious. ‘He waited who knows how long till I woke up, he can wait a few more seconds.’ Grumbling to yourself as you reached the door and opening it just a crack.

Greeting you was the sight of a very flustered and aggravated advisor. His eyes a luminescent ruby and pupils’ slant like a feline, sent daggers at you so sharp – that you’d be chopped into fine pieces. Oh yes, he very much was glaring at you with a scowl etched onto him. You’ve grown accustomed to it. The look of disdain whenever he came over to your humble home.

You assumed he had enough of you as he barged into your home as soon as the door opened. ‘You could at least let me invite you in first! No, just barge in and make yourself comfortable you bast-‘

“You reek of blood.” You can hear the disgust in his voice. Pausing by the door you let your shoulders drop. Quietly closing the door and locking it. ‘Of course, no wonder he was banging on the door incessantly. He must’ve caught the scent of it as soon as he crossed the river.’

As you made your way over to the stove to prepare tea for your interrogation, he turns to your nightstand and begins to rummage through it. You rolled your eyes and returned your gaze to the kettle, too tired to stop him.

‘First, he nearly knocks my door down, then he says I reek, now he goes through my stuff like he knows me. The audacity of these demons!’ Thank goodness he wasn’t one of the demons that could read minds – he’d never let you live all the stuff you’ve said down.

“Found it.” His footsteps laid heavy on the old wooden floors, creaking with each step he took, until he was a few feet away from you. Refusing to look at him, you kept your gaze on the steam that pushed its way through the kettle. The whistling being the only thing that was keeping the room from silence.

“___, let me see it, please.” He did not command you, but he was not asking you either. Grabbing the kettle, you made to the table by the window, setting everything down and gently removing your robe. Leaving you in a loose buttoned sleeved shirt, one of the sleeves having been torn off.

He’s subtly sniffs the air and tries to pinpoint what else besides your blood it is he’s smelling. Once he figures it out, his eyes harden and flash a bright pink before quickly returning to their usual ruby hue. “…You’ll have to come to the palace.” Your eyes widen, head snapping towards him as he puts everything back and reaches for your cloak. Head shaking vigorously, you beg him, “Please, no. Yoongi, I know that I’ve made a few mistakes, but I swear that I have it under control now, I swear!” Even you know how pathetic and desperate you sound.

Standing hastily, you winced at the pain, “Yoongi, I just need a li- “you jumped back as he abruptly turned towards you, face set in a slight snarl, light jagged markings appearing underneath his eyes. Stunned, you slowly stepped back and gave him space to calm down.

The snarl dropped immediately, markings fading away completely. He sighed, closing his eyes and bringing a hand up to rub his eyes. “Your flesh is being eaten away by the poison, which I can now see you haven’t even figured that out yet.” Poison?

He looks at you, waiting for something. Your face must have given away to your confusion as all he can do is shake his head in disbelief. “Didn’t you find it unusual that after you purified the wound it continued to seep miasma.”

You felt your stomach drop, skin going cold. You didn’t smell any miasma whatsoever. In fact, all you felt was pain but thought it was normal from the wound being too big. Now that Yoongi mentioned it, the wound should have healed properly overnight…

The situation only seemed to get worse each second.

“Besides, you would have had to be at the palace anyways.” The way his eyes held nothing but dread, made you even more sick.

“The king has ordered council.” And your heart stopped.

[aminiatureworld]

HI! Quick note: write this whenever you want and be sure to take care of your health first! Your works are amazing and masterpieces take time, I can be patient <3 Hope you have a lovely day! (also, 𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠: trigger themes like attempts of suicide, probable hints to dissociative amnesia? I was inspired by it at least and some... Limb being bitten off as well as latest archon quest spoilers so readers be cautious!)

Anyway, I'd like to request for Xiao, Albedo, Zhongli, Kaeya and Diluc (if the number is too much you can cut off whoever from the list) with Traveller! s/o that like has no memory of their past but have clues through these... "Visions/Dreams".

It started out a little simple; every once in a while, Y/N would see these little figures floating around their environment. Shadowy wisps, sometimes ghosts talking to them. But in real life, people can't see them and only sees them talking by themselves (and some are a little weirded out). But then one day, while they were out adventuring in the ruins slimes or seelies... Whatever small cute creatures can exist in Teyvat suddenly gathered in Stormterror's lair and they grew curious cuz they heard... Music? Playing? It was echo-y and creepy but then they heard a very familiar tune that they KNOW is linked to their past so they followed and went into the vicinity

(As reference, or for some idea: https://youtu.be/JZ6buLNIgs8)

The moment they stepped inside and pinpointed where the music is coming from they bolted up the stairs (if there are any, which probs not but in reader's case there is) and suddenly the stairs lead them to a hallway from a tower/palace, and walking further, there were two huge doors that lead to a ballroom with more than dozens of ghosts waltzing and singing with the music

(No they did not question why would stormterror's lair have a hallway or how it even has a ballroom inside, nor why creatures would gather in said lair. Questions that break away from dreams are nonexistent)

So obviously they were happy at the wondrous sight and began waltzing along with everyone from strangers to... Unrecognizable but familiar faces? Until They danced with this boy their age. The more they looked the more they were enamored and the world around them was but a hazy dream (as vague and hazy the environment in their head can get) but the boy became more and more vivid and so did the music until they practically sang together. But then as the music stopped and s/o turned their back for a second; the boy sang: "And a song someone sings..." And wisps suddenly flew out of him and towards Reader, making them fall unconscious into their arms as the Prince of the Abyss sang in their ear. "Once upon a december..." Before Aether disappeared and he was but a dream.

And then all of a sudden Reader was yanked away from their dream; almost literally. They turned to see their lover holding onto their arm with concern all over their face and explained to them they were so close to the edge dancing away they could've fallen off of the third floor (which was already high!).

And that's when things get a turn to the worse.

Every dream gets worse than the last; anything that involved the abyss, or seeing these star pendants like what Paimon has on her hair or Kaeya's little decor on his clothes or involving Khaenriah or whatever Albedo's research is rn lure them into a dream vivid than the last and it gets even harder and harder to break them off their dreams. One night of going to bed they suddenly had a dream of their old family/friends swimming in the ocean and telling them to join them, and they wouldve if their lover didnt sweep them off their feet and broke away from another dream they didnt realize was 𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑛 a dream. And the realization that if they jumped off, their bones wouldve broken cuz a bunch of boulders and rocks on a steep cliff would make a nice floor for landing right?

But still, Aether and the abyss (which in their dreams were ghosts and just... this blond guy you knew but never realized it was your brother and the abyss) are recurring themes. Coming across any of the factors instantly puts them in a dream and reader cant tell whats reality and what isnt. Everything is too vivid they didnt see a bubble coming their way or an attack coming towards them and they were about to be thrown off. It got to the point Reader was getting claustrophic from the rooms suddenly shrinking as they were cornered by these ghosts that turned frightening and whenever they fight back they end up nearly murdering someone of mindlessly attempting to destroy one of The Seven statues.

It lead Reader to be.. Kinda suicidal. Not just because they hate themselves and their situation its cuz its the 𝑜𝑛𝑙𝑦 𝑤𝑎𝑦 they knew how to escape the dream and wake up in a bed in their lovers arms. And because reader cant distinguish reality from dreams sometimes even if their lover is present they see these ghosts and think 'this must be a dream I have to wake up from!' cuz in the long run theyve learned fighting back meant hurting someone so they.. Redirected the pain to themselves so theyre very confused to see their lover throw their dagger across the room and they end up breaking down no matter where they are (or in worse cases in the middle of battle). Reader grew dependant on them and panic attacks after these dreams became more frequent until they cant even trust their surroundings whether its a dream or not.

(I'm very sorry with how long this is and I rambled in grotesque detail you may polish it however you want :"DD)

This can be in any format you'd like! But I mostly prefer headcanons + scenarios? like the bullets then comes scenario etc. But ye write however you want sorry for rambling hope you have a nice day thank you

As a Romanov history enthusiast this request was both very interesting and very difficult. Mostly because I found myself veering off into “lore dumping” for lack of a better term. Still I hope the general feeling of your request was captured well.

I spread various aspects of your request around as best I could, depending on character, outline, fic structure, etc. The only thing I didn’t keep in was the suicidal ideation. This is for various reasons, some personal, but in a more general term I think that it can be very difficult to portray something like that in a way that isn’t excessively triggering and is worthwhile to read for a variety of people. The way one person would process through such emotions and put them to paper could be harmful to another. Overall I thought it best to steer clear from such a topic, with the knowledge that I didn’t find it necessary to the story and thought it would be an imperfect addition on my part. Not that I find never addressing such topics necessarily the right path either, only I think that in this case better not to. I hope I explained why adequately. 

I know that wanting to read and write about such topics does not directly correlate to being in such a mental state but I do hope you also take care of your own mental health. Though getting out of such crises can be difficult I want to tell you this at least. You aren’t alone in feeling this way, even if others in your direct vicinity cannot understand. And also sometimes finding a direct reason for continuing on comes later. Sometimes surviving is enough. And even if you cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel, that doesn’t mean you should take a step which you will never be able to reverse, the only step you will never be able to reverse in your existence.

I also leaned into the Romanov family dynamic, rather into that of the traveler siblings. Whether the reader is the traveler is kept vague on purpose, as I generally as a rule don’t write the siblings. I also found that in keeping them specifically canon compliant to the traveler siblings I’d have to cut back on the more historical illusions. Being a total history nerd I chose the latter option. 

Otherwise my fics varied in complete accuracy to the prompt, though I hope you find it enjoyable to read nonetheless.

Here they are in order of Albedo, Diluc, Kaeya, Xiao, and Zhongli. I hope you find them a worthwhile read and thank you for your request. I hope you have a lovely week.

[imaginedcreaderinsert]

Could you do one and fifty nine with Jason

Summary: Jason and Reader visit the Wayne Manor for the first time for a friendly lunch. A pity he doesn’t plan on keeping it PG-13 for long. [As stated by the ask, prompsts one and fifty nine with Jason! “What? Does that feel good?” + Public with Jason]

Word Count: 2531

TW: Cussing and smut, as the prompt implied. Enjoy!

People that asked to be tagged: @sarcasmismyfirstlove, @dora-the-grownup​

A/N: Angst coming in tonight! On may I’ll start a new rhythm, at least two pieces per week, but for now I can’t relax, I have uni work!!! I hope you enjoy, cuz I definitiely did.

In a twist — Jason Todd x Reader

Bruce was a reasonable man, and his points had been valid when he had sneaked up on you to have a “private talk”. You didn’t want to listen at first, given his relationship with Jason, but deep in your heart you knew it would do him well. Thus, a lunch didn’t seem like a big deal, until you had, of course, proposed so to Jason, which he had flipped about. He made his point clear and it took you some convincing, but you thought you had changed his mind after a long and torrid bath. In retrospective, you should have been sharper from the moment he had easily agreed after, as if someone had momentarily replaced him. But now there’s nothing you can do except press your knees harder.

           You started to feel it in the car but thought nothing of it in the end. Twenty minutes ago, he had been going at it hard on your body back home, thus maybe you were still feeling the pleasure of the aftermath, sighing content into the kiss he left on your cheek. Sweet, innocent. He was being lenient, and you loved that. You loved him. After all, Jason wouldn’t be convinced by someone who was just a girlfriend; you were so much more than that, and he had made that clear lots of times in bed, when you both were alone on your own. He cared; he just didn’t want to show it to anyone who he just met. He was selective and picky about the people he put his trust on. You understood that and felt deeply honored because of it.

           “I’m glad you agreed to it.”

           “Well, your convincing gave me some thinking. I thought it would be fun.”

           You kiss him, stupidly in love as you are when he looks at you like that. Jason Todd might be not as charming as certain people, but he has a certain something that makes him irresistible, so charming you would give in to anything he asks with that deep voice of his which he uses on missions. You always get so wet when he is commanding like that. The worst thing is he knows, which makes him cocky as hell. But you like him like that too, unfortunately. You smile into his second kiss as he car seems to stop at the entrance of the gates of Wayne Manor. It’s imposing, and TV does not make it justice; it’s in some way uncanny, as you’ve seen many reportages and interviews on the gates of the Manor, but no one’s been so close, has gotten past the doors. Not any mediocre Gothamite, at least. The Wayne Manor was quite famous because of its galas, but normal people like you didn’t have access to those. Not before you met Jason anyways.

           Jason kept his surname, but you learnt quite quick he was, in civil records, Bruce’s son. Fortune did not attract you, as tempting as it might have been once; and you deeply admired how Jason had been trying to make it on his own. That’s kind of how you two met, and you wouldn’t have it any other way – people met at bars, but you got closer in a hostage situation where he had infiltrated the group as one of the day to day civilians who just had the bad luck of being stuck in said situation. It was no coincidence, and you helped him in his plan, being bold and a bit reckless, just like he was. People said opposites attracted each other, but that was not the case with you two. In some way, similarities tied you together. You understood things no one else seemed to, and you hugged him close the first night he decided to stay, as a friend. Then it all had been natural.

           He helps you get out of the car, your knees slightly weak from the anxiety that is now suddenly spiking up and maybe from something else that you can’t quite pinpoint. But then the door is opening, and you are met by Alfred Pennyworth, one of the few figures apparently to Jason in the Manor. You greet each other, cordially; it’s weird, you think, being so close to the family and yet working for it, in theory. You don’t mind his inquisitive stare as Jason gets you in, taking you by your waist, hips together almost.

           “I just want to say I completely understand if you want to break up with me after meeting my family.”

           “I managed to survive our first night with your horrible snores. I think I can take it.” He chuckles, giving your waist a firm grip, as if suddenly validated in some way. What you two had was not a superficial or shallow thing. You trusted each other completely; he knew, or was starting to come into terms with, that if you hadn’t fled yet, there were not many possibilities of you doing so in the future.

           Except of course, Dick fucking Grayson.

           He comes down the stairs, casually almost, and marveling you. Jason notices how your eyes open up slightly, pupils dilatating – is it attraction? He was quite aware of Grayson’s charm, his natural charisma that seemed to outweigh his attractiveness, and that was quite difficult. He opens up his arms as he gets to the bottom and comes closer to Jason, of course, first. Jason can’t quite process what he’s saying, because his eyes are moving to Dick’s: and his pupils are dilated too as his eyes pose on (Y/N) for the very first time, fully. It’s like he drinks her in a gulp, and seems mesmerized, much to her embarrassment, which he covers up with a small chuckle, before offering up her hand.

           “Uh, (Y/N) (L/N). A pleasure.”

           “Pleasure’s mine”. He answers, naturally, a small “enchanting” (he would say flirty) quick wink before looking up Jason. “So this is it, huh? The one’s that’s been keeping you away from patrolling”

           “He can make his own decisions.” She sharply answers before Jason can even open her mouth. That did not get in well with her, which Dick seems to realize – panic is all over his face, as Jason starts to laugh and shortly after is followed by her. “Shit, Jason was right, you really are a Labrador.”

           There’s a second laugh and a scoff from two significantly younger “kids” as they go down the stairs. Dick chuckles, slightly embarrassed and shrugging. You recognize the smaller one, Damian, but you can’t quite make out the teenager one.

           “That was a good one. Pleasure’s mine, (Y/N) (L/N). Tim Drake.” Direct, doesn’t beat around the bush. He might be your favorite one for now.

           Presentations are made, and it’s only when Bruce himself appears that you start to feel it, taking air abruptly and gripping Jason’s arm tighter. A slight vibration on your crotch, soft and pleasuring enough to not be uncomfortable or unwelcomed. Perfect enough to build up something.

           “Jason, what the fuck-“. You mumble almost in his ear, before walking up to Bruce, offering your hand first, letting him talk, and welcome you in officially. You feel Jason’s smirk even when you can’t full see it. It irks you. Fuck, he has plan.

           You are guided in by Alfred to the dining area – classy, enormous, slightly warm because of the fire not very far from the table. Tim and Damian flock around you, asking you all type of various questions which seem to be “basic” ones – you try to keep concentrated even as Damian’s ones get harder and your mind flies somewhere else.

           Bruce is presiding the table, at the top of it, and then at his right there’s Damian, and at his left Dick. You’re put up next to week, in front of Jason, Tim left at the other side of the table, contrary to Bruce. The sitting makes you nervous, even when you are close to possibly the smoothest talker in the house. When you sit down you expect to hear some noise, but it seems muffled by your thighs tightly pressed against each other and knees. You’ve been giving it some thought, and you are now quite sure that it’s in your underwear. It didn’t quite had been as light as always, and Jason had been quite insistent on your lingerie choice, bra and knickers matching. But he had always been fond of your underwear matching sets, so you had not thought much about it. “Fucking devil”.

           “So, Gotham. Try to tell me about your life in a minute or so.”

           You keep, or try to keep, all of your attention on him, looking directly at his direction and smiling, softly, when you notice Jason giving some curt answers to Bruce. That’s new. But when you think you have it all controlled, the vibrations go up a notch and you have to take in air harshly again. You explain it’s a cold, your breathing suffering at times because of it. Dick smiles sweetly, understandingly enough, and says he has an excellent home remedy he will pass you on lately. You thank him, turning to your first dish, a soup.

           You fear you are going to leave a permanent mark on the Wayne Manor for the wrong reasons. It’s almost dessert time and you are slightly red, hiding as best as you can your pants with coughs and sneezes, but you are sure you’ve bended slightly the silver cutlery – the ministrations of your underwear are continuous now, pressing tightly against your crotch, and there’s an uncomfortable cold wet spot against your most sensitive part. You haven’t yet embarrassed yourself in a conversation with the Wayne’s, which seems an achievement by yourself, and you would dare say that Dick and you have the potential of harvesting a special friendship – of course, if Jealous Jason is not to get in between.

           After lunch, Bruce says he’s going for a drink, some coffee, and invites Jason and you both to stay – but there’s no way you can go through it, and he seems to know as well as his hand trails around the curve of your ass, his hand almost trailing down to the hem of your dress and slowly getting his hand up-

           “A pleasure, truly, we hope we can do this again! Bye everyone!”

           That must have been incredibly rude, as you gripped Jason tightly enough and got him out of the Manor. You walked, still gripping his arm with more force than before and letting out the first pants in all evening.

           “Are you fucking stupid in the head or-?”

           “Hottest thing we’ve ever done. Don’t deny it. You know I hate it when you lie to yourself”.

           For the ride back you are offered one of Bruce’s rides, someone else getting you home, but he seems as eager as you are, if the slight bulge in his pants is anything to go by… So Jason decide to steal one of Bruce’s car, a black modern one, which seems new if you are to guide yourself by the smell. You both laugh as teenagers as you get inside, quickly, and Jason rides away. Fucking God you want to ride him.

           You don’t make it home. The Manor is near the outskirts of the city, meaning there’s no one generally on the road save the occasional interview and the crew following it. He is a private person, and no one has business with him if there hasn’t been a previous appointment made. Thus, horny and hot you both kind of decide to fuck in the middle of the woods.

           “I don’t know if Bruce has cameras here or not but-“

           “Shut up, we are not getting naked, so-“

           “I love you so much”. He says, chuckling against your mouth as you get off your seat and climb onto the driver’s one, Jason’s lap, kissing him fiercely and passionately. There’s a certain desperation on it. “I wanted to know so badly how wet are you”

           “Dripping. So take yours out and I’ll if it up enough.”

           It’s quick, like teenagers fucking desperately in the middle of nowhere. Your hand goes into the glass of the window, trying to hold yourself up as his tip rubs on your entrance, slightly on your clit, making you press yourself tighter against him. He doesn’t play much as he gets in, your knees almost giving out and making you sit on his completely.

           “Fuck, fuck, fuck”. You curse, against his ear, your thighs paralyzed by the feeling. Full, agonizingly full and wet.

           “You are incredibly wet. You are going to get my pants ruined, baby.”

           “Like you care”

           “Like I care.” He laughs, conceding you the victory, as one of his fingers makes his way inside your dress to play with the little pearl inside, rubbing it teasingly and making your entire body boil.

           “Slowly, baby. Or else I’ll come too quick.”

           “Yeah, yeah”. He mutters, almost as if in trance as he continues playing, with a little more care.

           It’s desperate. There’s a small buildup until you feel like nothing he will do will ever be good enough.

           Then he starts ravishing you. His hands get on your back, almost as if trying to break your dress, the zipper; he grabs and slaps one of your buttocks, trying to leave a mark behind and succeeding in so with the thrusts he’s giving you which make you go wild. You mark him all over the naked skin you get – his neck, his shoulders; you open up his shirt and drag your nails in his chest as he gets deeper each time. Both of you have started to sweat, and you can feel it in your lips as he gets you closer and closer; he might be at its brink, you think, because he starts playing with your little pearl, giving it rubs and circles just as you’ve taught him multiple times. You beg him to stop, but he knows that’s not it – you always say no, but you mean yes, you’ve talked about boundaries, and he loves to open her up inside until she’s scratching and begging, too overwhelmed with his kisses and love ministrations. Because that’s what it is, what it has always been: making love.

           Your orgasm hits you first, squeezing him impossibly so: he has to make his own way, with a little more of force, pushing you to the driving wheel almost, just so that he can give his finals pumps. He cums inside, filling you and making you screech, oversensitive. Your fingers search for his back, his neck, which always makes you feel safe and sound. He grabs you back, by your waist, his head on your chin, kissing your neck lovingly enough to make you melt.

           “I hate your little games.”

           “You love them. Next time, what about-“

           “No!”

[otometearoom]

I Finished Tsumugu Logic!! Overview/Rant

It took me a month, but I finished the last chapter of the game and got the true ending. I will keep playing to get all of the other bad ends, etc. 

I have so so many feels about this game, y’all. I will be highlighting a few chapters in the game, so if you haven’t finished it. Beware of spoilers!!

[MANY SPOILERS/ENDINGS BELOW]

To recount my feelings throughout the game for each character: 

1. Tsumugu is a cutie pie. I actually really related to him, because I’m also at that point in my life where I have to decide what exactly I want to do for the rest of my life. I just finished university, but I’m still unsure about my career ahahah. So, seeing Tsumugu struggle to figure his life out was refreshing. 

2. “Sosei” is so hot. I laid eyes on him and thought, uh-oh, he’s my new addiction ahahah. I would buy his merchandise if there was any. The dude loves sweets (how cute is that) and he has such a good head for mysteries (my dream man). Plus, he’s a tsundere but really cares about Tsumugu, often giving hints and advice to him. He’s a very trustworthy older brother/senpai. I could gush over how much I love Sosei for ages. His drunken habits -> those are to die for. He becomes so lewd and straightforward. I love it. 

“Koyo”, on the other hand, I didn’t like him as much as Sosei. Which is weird, cause I love ikemen. Maybe I’m just drawn more into the withdrawn, mysterious guys?? I do like the concept of twin brothers though. I have a bit of a dirty mind so when the twins said they shared everything, even their gf, I was like ohohoho, 3p? 

I absolutely enjoyed the twins together though. I love seeing them pretend to be the other. I wish they had more of an appearance lol. I could even say that Sosei and Koyo are a scale higher than Tsumugu for me. I wish the twins were the main protagonists ahahah. No offense Tsumugu. 

I’ll just summarize my first impressions for others real quick: 

3. Kotoko - I thought she was cute, but I never really liked her and couldn’t quite pinpoint exactly why. This feeling will come into play later on. So at first, I was like meh, she’s okay, I guess. But, as I learned more about her, I really didn’t like her character that much. I mean, I wouldn’t say I hated her but I didn’t find her as a good fit for Tsumugu. 

- When she told Tsumugu to be a salesman or whatever. I was like, do you even know Tsumugu? Lmao. I didn’t know if it was just me empathizing with Tsumugu cuz I’ve often been told of what I should be, but no one asks what I want to be. 

- When she didn’t want to help Mirei, I thought how odd, for someone who tries to befriend everyone, she’s not doing so well as a heroine. I mean, it was realistic, at least. But, I think the chapter where she admits that she tries really hard to fit in so others will like her was starting to draw some red flags for me. It made me wonder how much of her was ‘real’. Idk if I’m making any sense though.

- When she swung the knife at Tsumugu, I didn’t hate her as much as I did when she swung the knife at Sosei (who protected Tsumugu) and killed him. I was furious then. 

4. Sally - I admit I was really turned off by the girly lolita style. Mainly because I’m more tomboyish irl. But, she had a good sense of justice so I actually liked her. It did come as a shock to me though that she was the “gorilla” girl that was forced to kiss Nozaki. Tbh, I was kinda sad she died at the end. Like, I know she killed Hikone, but I could understand her motive better than I could understand Kotoko’s motive. Maybe cuz I have an older brother and can’t see myself being a brocon? ahahah. 

5. Toma - In terms of hotness, he comes 2nd right after Sosei. He’s a really good friend. And I absolutely adore how he scares ppl with his glare lol. i love yankees ahaha. He’s not afraid to speak his mind. He’s a very solid character.

6. Daimon - My girl crush. High key curious who she’s arranged to marry because her fiance seems boring. Who takes an hour to choose a handkerchief? Anyways, Im sad that Daimon and Sosei never got to meet because I’m low key shipping them. Idk if they’d click well romantically because they’re so similar, but I would’ve loved for some sort of interaction. They’d make for an epic couple, solving mysteries. I really wanna write a fic for them. 

7. Tsukasa Tsukasa - I didn’t like him because of the cheating and blaming on my poor Toma, but after that, he was okay. Plus, he helped write the Tsumugu’s love letter to Kotoko. Which I find is funny, because Kotoko copied Tsukasa’s writing, thinking it was Tsumugu’s. Ahahah. The lesson here, folks, is that don’t use your own handwriting in love letters, you never know if you’re crush will copy said handwriting into your own suicide letter. 

8. Mirei - that girl can sing. I kinda cried after hearing it cuz I was going through something at the time and it really encouraged me. 

9. Landlady & Hikkimori - Both names that I can’t remember off the top of my head. I think both people are fun. The landlady is super supportive. And the hikkimori refusing to talk with Sosei made for a fun dynamic. I genuinely enjoyed seeing Sosei offended. Nice way to see emotions on my fave character. 

10. Other characters (Rindo, Happy, Travel Club Members) - I genuinely did not care enough about ahahah. I think I even enjoyed seeing some of them murdered, tbh. They were really horrible people in different ways. 

The Black club members headed under Fumi. Like what? How do you control victims to be assailants and live with yourself to be a future kindergarten teacher? Like what? I couldn’t live with myself if I was her. Plus, her disproportionately large boobs were really weirding me out. I can’t believe Yu died all because Fumi wanted to f*ck him. It’s like one day you’re living your best life and someone thinks, ah, I wanna ruin this person. 

Don’t even get me started with Nozaki. That dude is a piece of trash. Human garbage. He knows how it feels to be a victim and yet thinks it’s his right to assault women. I wanted to slap that guy so hard. So many times. He was like the boy who cried wolf. He kept pretending to be dead and eventually died in the hands of Kotoko. XD I wonder what his last thoughts were. To have died in the hands of someone he trusted. 

Hikone was another nutcase. From what I understood, he just saw everyone else as characters in his book. Sure, he didn’t physically harm anyone, but doing nothing and observing is just as much of a crime as committing it. 

Shun. I never really like cutesy guys. But when he turned out to be an ex-pimp plus lover of Fumi, he fell off the likeable scale. 

Yoshimoto being an uncontrollable drunk murderer was the only thing needed to complete the psycho Travel Club members. Tbh, I thought he was the one behind the killings at first ahaha. 

Suguha. I thought she was a tough chick. It was cool to know that she had another motive to get closer to Fumi. Because I thought it was weird how she took her cellphone at the BBQ restaurant. It’s nice to know that SEEC still foreshadows like that. 

[frankie-the-undead]

Alright alright.

This is gonna be long. Sorry.

What do you think Frankie and Isaac would do if they find out who murdered Coco?

How do you think they'd figure out?

Did Bell help?

Did they tell Lucille that they found them?

How did she react?

Did she go after them after escaping will and LJ's care? Or was she caught?

Did they ever find Coco's dead body?

How was the funeral?

How does everyone feel about this situation?

What did they do with the person when/if they found them?

Considering most people she knows isn't human, and her father's are literally dead people that came back, does Lucille try bringing Coco back from the dead? How does Frankie and Isaac react if they figure out?

Would she be successful in bringing Coco back?

What happens if she isn't successful? Does she keep trying? Or stop?

What would happen if she was Successful?

Would she ask Bell to being Coco back? Would he accept? How would Lucille react of he said no? What about if he said yes?

This is gonna be long and depressing, so be nice about it, my emotions are easily manipulated by what I write.

Since both Frankie and Isaac were probably pretty fond of Coco, they might end up torturing/killing the murderer for what they did to Coco.

They probably got help from Bell, or some evidence was left behind by the murderer, which helped Frankie and Bell pinpoint who the murderer was.

Bell helps, it's what friends are for or whatever friendship is magic bs we can use.

I don't think either of them would want to tell Lu they've found who killed Coco, or at least not immediately, cuz of how sensitive she could be at the moment due to her loss.

If they do tell her, she'd probably want to deal with the killer herself. It's a matter of taking something from the killer since they took Coco from her.

She could easily escape Will, but LJ could easily catch her in most situations, if not all of them. So she probably gets caught when she tries going after the murderer.

There's a slight chance the murderer finally confesses to what happened to the body and where it could be, but there's also a chance it was disposed of. Since they cut off the bunny ears, they could have easily cut Coco into pieces and spread him all around the city. But if his body is whole, they'd probably find it, Bell would probably also be of help with this, to make sure there are no traps.

The funeral was probably mostly filled with Coco's family members (if they have any) and Lu's family. They probably kept an eye on Lu during the whole funeral service since she'd be a mess emotion wise. She probably cried a lot and ended up going somewhere else so she wouldn't be seen and because she can't bear to see that this is how she has to say goodbye to Coco, just having her remains being put underground or her being cremated. I'm sure someone found her laying on the floor somewhere eventually, maybe one of her parents or Will. After that, she's taken home, where she stays in bed the rest of the day.

They all probably feel a certain loss due to Coco's death. Lucille lost the person she adored the most, and her family is just watching this eat her alive and destroy her health (mental and physical).

If they found the murderer, they'd probably be kept alive to be tortured for some time. Eventually, Lu finds where her parents put them and decides to use Isaac's tools.

Even though everyone Lu knows isn't exactly living or human (minus Will), I'm sure she'd try to figure out how/why they came back to life, since being undead doesn't mean you can also summon or bring back the dead. Frankie probably notices Lu trying to find why people come back or how to bring back the dead, and he can't really blame her for wanting to bring back Coco since he knows how much it hurts to lose a loved one. He probably gets Isaac so they can both talk to her and comfort her, summoning the dead isn't easy and many things can go wrong when trying to do it. They're both worried for Lu, she's just a kid and shouldn't be going down a rabbit hole of strong magic when she's never done magic at all, and it doesn't exactly run in the family either. She probably wouldn't be successful bringing Coco back, due to no prior experience in magic and not even being allowed to put her health in danger like that.

Since Lu can't succeed in bringing back Coco, she could potentially go behind her parents' backs and look for someone who might be abled to.

If she was successful on her own, she probably wouldn't let go of Coco. She'd still break down and cry while cuddling them, she missed them a lot. After she gains some composure, she might take Coco to their home or to her parents, to keep her safe.

He'd probably be one of the only people she could think of that could summon the dead, Bell is the devil after all. Lu would probably keep insisting for him to at least consider bringing Coco back cuz they didn't do anything wrong. She'd be very thankful if Bell were to bring Coco back and promises to return the favor somehow in the future. It would be considered a deal, and we all know you shouldn't make deals with the devil

[incarnateirony]

I'm curious, do you think that theory that Lucifer is Jottun makes sense? To me it feels weird, but this is your lane and you have way more knowledge about this.

Okay so first of all, wtf tumblr why is your cut INSIDE THE ASK and fucking up my post

Moving on:

I... is this like, a show theory that someone came up with? Or are you talking like, in general mythology?

(Edit: I realized I postured this from the angle of assuming we’re talking about the widely received idea of Lucifer in modern culture; if I was wrong about that, lemme know -- I do drift into the NONCHRISTIAN Greek Lucifer as well, which you’ve seen me talk about with Phanes before on this blog)

I’ve never heard a serious statement (or at least one that held up if gently poked) about this as much as a general correlation (IE, Promethean deities if you will, which would correspond Lucifer to Loki, though I highly disagree with that assessment for other reasons as well) -- or various theory parallels where the Jotun are parallel to everything from Titans to Nephilim. 

Generally the Luciferian/Satanic iconization of Loki came from later transcriptions of eddas by Christian monks. Then again, the idea of Satan himself came from the jews taking on Zoroastrian beliefs after captivity so fuck all flips table

The last thing I’ve seen that tried to draw any kind of correlation about it had some nonsense trying to equate Azazel to Hermes too and a whole other mess of madness.

Without tracking the anthropology and etymology of a situation though, you end up with a mess, and there’s a lot of those out there. If you google long and hard enough, Lucifer is everyone. He’s Cronus, he’s Hyperion, he’s Prometheus, he’s Loki, he’s like half the native american spirits, he’s also somehow half the angels and demons in the bible and apocryphal scripture, depending on how far down a rabbit hole someone wants to go, he’s Santa or a tempting sandwich on tuesdays.

This got long so I’m putting it behind a cut -- it seems to drift but to truly answer this ask, or more answer why I don’t even have a direct statement to answer it, required some -- explanation and history

Helel is a stronger thing to lean into for example. The anthropology tracks, the mythos tracks, etc. Hell, look up Jewish beliefs on fallen angels, satan, lucifer or whatever and realize Christianity has really taken judaism for a joyride while gluing shit over their homework. Hell like, check out the history of jewish captivity under Nebuchadnezzar II and how Zoroastrianism influenced judaism/the very belief of satan/eventual conflation with Lucifer -- there’s debate on whether the Morning Star, mentioned as the King of Babylon, who made them work and toil, was Nebuchadnezzar himself. Which would make, Lucifer, um. Some king dude that died 2600 years ago, give or take. 

I am-- very slow to draw angelic associations. That’s not to say they don’t happen. You can, say, track the fall of the grigori and follow their mentioned path to egypt where they "became kings”, and follow which ones disseminated into which cultures how by comparing their attributes, sure. But with something like, say, Lucifer, which is a mythological clusterfuck to itself, considering everything in the public mind about Lucifer modernly is an amalgam of everything from multiple names in the same sacred text to adaptations from influencing religions/weird reads on the transcriptions from people that didn’t know their history/etc, I’m not gonna be like LUCIFER IS JOTUN any more than LUCIFER IS A TITAN or LUCIFER IS A NEPHILIM. 

Could there be a correlation for that? Sure I guess. But of the many things I have studied or dealt with, I’ve seen some shit. I’ve seen some SHIT. And never once have I encountered a Lucifer that was legit, if you believe in spoopy shit. Various shit loves using the name as a quick cred card but that’s the equivalent of a nigerian prince facebook scam that’s totes in the US Army Doug David Donnie Darko Davis, very believable.  But you know what? I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s Lucifer these days. Whoever was identified as it originally 1. probably put on magical witness protection and changed names by now 2. has been utterly lost by time and has been replaced more with a /concept/ than a /being/. But the modern concepts are so vague it’s like hiding a blue chip in a pool, have fun finding it, and I’ve definitely never been compelled to do so.

I’m sure racially speaking one could say “angels might be aesir” “demons might be jotun” and draw a reasonable argument about it with enough effort, but that’d be more like... systemic translation of thousands-years-old stories traveled over the lands, at which point the question is less “Is Lucifer Jotun?” and more “What would the Aesir and Jotun be in abrahamic text equivalency?”

Curiously I’ve never seen anybody go bananas over this shit to find correlations for anything ~other~ than Christian-outward -- Christian texts always want to make their people everybody else’s people, but nobody is fighting to be referenced by christianity and even less are trying to compare say, Zoroastrianism or Islam or anything else to what gods THEY might be -- even though Zoroastrianism is literally where half this stuff came from, where ideas of archangelic-like creatures and archdemons came from, where the afterlife, where it all came from. So I struggle, deeply, to associate Lucifer with anything specific for a long, long list of reasons but find this a particularly weird thing. Like when’s the last time you heard a muslim or taoist or any other major world religion right now go out and be like “YOU KNOW WHO I THINK (ENTITY) IS, I BET ITS THIS GREEK/NORSE DUDE RIGHT HERE”-- it’s just a Christian culture thing?? IDK???

And again sometimes it’s even /valid/ but I just-- Lucifer is such a Topic(TM) to me. Because to me, he’s a concept, an idea, an archetype, but if there ever was an individual Lucifer that dude got himself a face transplant and fucked off a long time ago IMO so good luck 

cuz like

 Interpretations of a similar term in the Hebrew Bible, translated in the King James Version as "Lucifer" as a proper name, led to a Christian tradition of applying the name Lucifer, and its associated stories of a fall from heaven, to Satan, but modern scholarship generally translates the term in the relevant Bible passage, (Isaiah 14:12), as "morning star" or "shining one" rather than as a proper name, "Lucifer".

As a name for the Devil, the more common meaning in English, "Lucifer" is the rendering of the Hebrew word הֵילֵל‎ (transliteration: hêylêl; pronunciation: hay-lale) in Isaiah (Isaiah 14:12) given in the King James Version of the Bible. The translators of this version took the word from the Latin Vulgate, which translated הֵילֵל by the Latin word lucifer (uncapitalized) meaning "the morning star, the planet Venus", or, as an adjective, "light-bringing".

As a name for the planet in its morning aspect, "Lucifer" (Light-Bringer) is a proper name and is capitalized in English. In Greco-Roman civilization, it was often personified and considered a god and in some versions considered a son of Aurora (the Dawn). A similar name used by the Roman poet Catullus for the planet in its evening aspect is "Noctifer" (Night-Bringer).

You’d probably have a better chance of coherently inferring that Lucifer is actually Inanna or Ishtar the goddess, as Venus, or that Lucifer is Aphrodite. ORIGINALLY IT WAS FUCKING HELEL. 

A suggested methodology on this: Never ever ever start from Christian texts. Like ever. Much less without at least a single Daf Yomi run to actually understand the jewish texts before it got super renovated and had white-out slapped all over it. Christianity generally perished anything after it, or at best attached like a symbiote until the host entity or belief was gone. Hell, sometimes the greecoroman Lucifer is the son of Eoster. Sound familiar? Hot take: Lucifer is Easter confirmed Easter is Satan worship.

See how that can be kinda... faulty? If you want to understand it though-- figure out where the same concept went? GO BACKWARDS. Never go FORWARDS. Pick up those christian and jewish texts and go. BACKWARDS. Akkadian. Babylonian. Because once you realize what was clipped out of other faiths, you can go back to that core deity and start figuring out where it branched off in other directions than eventually being kidnapped into the messianic cult bag. THEN go forward in time and realize that christianity is just an itty bitty teeny tiny branch of our history, it just swamped us over time via extermination. So you can find Lucifer as just about anyone, because respectively, ask a room full of rabbis and pastors to write down every time Lucifer is mentioned by name in original text form in the bible before translation and rendition. The rabbis are gonna giggle and the pastors are gonna be deadass wrong, sorry.

You wanna play a game? “Is Asmodeus Aesir?”

folds arms I’ma let you sit here scratching your heads about that for a while.

Because it’s gonna take going backwards. Who was the babylonian form of Asmodeus? When did the name ASMODEUS happen? What name did it have even in jewish texts? Or which branch of names? What did that deity evolve into in less calvinistic or messianic circles? Yes, you can track this. Yes, you CAN find how it translated into greece far and away from abrahamic or calvinistic influence, or to the vikings, or anyone else if you chase the crumbs enough, but again, there’s-- entire things to review about systemic beliefs and translations/hot takes. Same shit, different label in most places, sure, but-- eh. 

Ranting a bit at this point but if anyone takes anything out of this:

Pinpoint when/where/why names originated

Go backwards first, not forward

Find the anchor belief/origin/story

Find where it branched

respect the branches and deviations as unique renditions within cultures while equally respecting the fact that there’s some truth in all beliefs and we’re all trying to describe the same shit. So could Lucifer be Jotun, I guess. But we’d have to hold nuanced discussion about the journey of the narrative from A to B and how the Aesir and Jotun correspond at large.

Anthropology and etymology are key. Where did people travel, how did they write, what did it mean. Don’t look only for very specific affiliations.

Hell let me take a quote from-- a place. 

Here is how a pantheon actually comes together.

First deity: “Shit. My people were conquered and my religion just blowed up. I’m out of a job”

Second deity: “Me too.”

Third deity: “Hey, you look like that Lightning God the mortals in that place over there are telling stories about.”

Two deities at the same time: “We’re lightning gods too, though!”

Third deity: “Well, shit. You, on the left, you’re better looking. Best you be in charge.”

First deity: “Screw you! I’m bigger than all of you!”

Second deity: “Whatever. You’re a thug. Go rule the sea.”

First deity: “What? I’m a god of paternity!”

Second deity: “Paternity’s moist. That’s very similar.”

Meanwhile, you guys on Earth are all like, “Oh, Hermes is younger than Apollon.” Like its a fact. Like I wasn’t some Proto-Indo-Eurpean god of Penises and Serpents and outcroppings of stone long before anyone was ever speaking Greek.

And while we’re at the bastardized rerolling of mythologies, most heavily performed by christianity, I point you to that last line, regarding Baal Peor, and raise you:

If people noticed that video was sassier than normal, there’s a reason.

Let’s say you had a super interesting life and people kept telling your story, but over time, as it spread around the world, the telephone game got warped into several very different things. In some you’re even the villain, in some you have a giant dick, and in others you saved the world. All of these were somehow inspired by you and your story, but none of the people at the end of the story are necessarily ~you~. But someone has to figure out where the story started to find who ~you~ are, even if there’s tales of things you did, or supposedly did, all over the place. And sometimes people also take any word that sounds like your name and make it you. So if your name was Ted, you’d also end up with all kinds of shit like Bed Dead Fed Head Jed Lead Ned Red Wed and Zed when they come up suddenly all get replaced by the word/name Ted and that’s it, that’s your mythology. 

[lucastheunlucky]

sense of touch| noah&lucas

Summary: Noah comes over Luke’s. The two talk werewolf abilities, the intensity of their senses, and Luke still thinks Noah & Winn are a bunch of idiots. It’s nice having friends for the werewolf though, and the two veg out and relax. Triggers: drug use (marijuana) @noah-kalani

Standing there 6 pack tucked under his arm Noah wrapped the knuckles of his good hand against Luke’s door, hoping it was loud enough. He never quite knew how hard he should knock, but then again Luke was a werewolf so he probably already knew Noah was there anyway. He hadn’t exactly wanted to do this at first, their whole ‘last time we messaged I was so angry we talked in circles at each other’ a bit cringe worthy. But after, well almost drowning (again) and then reuniting with Winn, Noah knew he needed to at least rekindle something with the other boy. Luke had had a valid point after all, even if Noah was loath to admit it at the time. Plus Luke has said the B word in his last text message, which was intriguing to say the least. Because Noah didn’t really know many bisexuals, least of all ones who played football.

Luke had the uncanny ability to let shit bothering him go when he needed it to not ruin a night. He was pretty private anyway about most stuff, and he’s not even told anyone about what happened with Salva and Gotch. Which, he knew he’d probably get yelled at about that, but he couldn’t think about it. This one text erased his mind of it. Willing to throw his phone in the loft, and make sure he actually did have something in the fridge to drink (he did). The moment he heard the other, Luke quickly swung the door open and reached out quickly for Noah’s shirt to yank him in. Hoping to scare him a little-- because Luke was ridiculously playful and loved the chance to be silly. “Noah,” Luke stuck his tongue out playfully. “You got here in 16 minutes, speeding much?” 

The last thing Noah expected from this night was to be forcibly yanked into Lukes apartment. But then again, here he was, being forcibly yanked into Luke’s apartment. Things were already off to a great start. “I'm sorry officer,” Noah started holding up his good hand “I must have a lead foot.” Smiling wide he jabbed Luke playfully in the side, the bro-ish comradery code demanding he up ‘minor bodily harm’ ante. It was funny just how much Noah missed this playful roughhousing with the “boys” mentality that was so prevalent in football culture. And ok yes their locker room talk and general passive misogyny left much to be desired, but there were still moments that Noah wouldn’t trade for the world, and he was glad that Luke understood all of these antics. 

“Or, you are just bad at guessing timing,” Lucas locked the door, and latched it out of safety when he received the jab. Everything in him wanted to turn and tackle the other, but he noticed his hand right away-- even the smell on him faintly off to bring his attention to it. The wolves were filled with injury this week. He playfully snapped his teeth, and wrapped his arm heavily over his shoulder to lead him into the small, modest apartment. “What, brings you to see lil o’l me? Did you get in trouble? Did you want us to look each other in the eye and apologize for being losers over text? Cause--” He waved it off, and stepped into the kitchen. “We can have a difference of opinion. All’s good.” 

Letting Luke lead him further into the apartment Noah rolled his eyes playful at the other. Well until Luke pinpointed exactly why Noah was here. Setting down the 6 pack Noah reached for a bottle handing one to the other man  “It’s partly that. But its also partly” Noah paused trying to figure out how to phrase what he was going to say next. He didn’t think this part of the meeting was going to happen till he was at least a beer and half in so the script he’d had in his head was definitely all outta whack “Ok so I’ve had to do a lot of emotional heavy lifting and like refocusing this week so I figured I might as well address this too while I’m at it.” He continued before taking his own beer from the package  “Cuz you know like I know we can have a difference of opinion, but part of growth is being open to listen to other’s points of view.” Fishing out his keyes from his pocket he popped the top off of his own beer before handing them to Luke “So I guess what I am here to say is. I’ve seen Winn, I’m not angry anymore, I am simply here to listen. If you want to talk, we can, if you don’t we can just drink beer and blow shit up on Call of Duty or something. Your call.” Noah shrugged. 

Lucas accepted the beer and leaned on the counter while Noah spoke. He could see the wheels turning in the other, and he made his way over to the living room with a gesture so they were at least comfortable. Plopping on the couch, his feet bare, Luke dressed in a cotton shirt and workout sweats looked quite at home and comfortable, his arm not bandaged, but the wound had been aggravated open from the fight. “Ah, we don’t have to linger on it if you feel okay about everything. Growing up with three other siblings and being in the middle has given me a lot of training in forgiving people, and also in saying sorry, so I am-- sorry,” Luke said easily. “I do, really have to ask you.” He lifted his brow a little, smile blinding in his cheeky tone. “You and Winn-- still a bro relationship? Or… you know, finally upgrading?”

Noah shrugged slightly as he made himself comfortable on the couch. “I mean the fact you even feel the need to say sorry is something I think we should probably talk about” he started taking another swig of his beer. “But I will follow your lead” Because if Lucas truly didn’t want to talk about it then he wasn’t going to force the other boy. But of course, that was before Lucas decided to play dirty. If Noah had been in the middle of drinking he’d have spat it all out on the couch, the older man insinuating that he an Winn were together  “Oh we’re not like-” Noah quickly corrected, nervous words now flowing freely from his mouth “I-I mean I’m like all for the cause and everything but I’m just not-” Oh no Noah stop. “Ok let me start over. Winn and I-” He stopped trying to figure out how to phrase his relationship with Winn. Friendship didn’t quite cover everything that Noah wanted it to but he was definitely not. Upgrading. Like he was not, totally not, 100 percent not pursuing a relationship with Winn alright. Like he might have thought about letting Winn kiss him that one time, and then cried in his arms, and generally didn’t want to live without him, but that was normal right? “Winn and I are just friends” Noah finished. Yea there was something about that word that didn't sit right, but he didn't have the mental capacity to deal with it now, much less in front of Lucas. 

Oh man. Okay. That was a harmless tease-- in that Luke really enjoyed pushing buttons and being a total butt sometimes, however, Noah’s reaction was actually pretty surprising. His eyes were wide as he rambled off, and Luke was stunned just a little bit in silence (which was really hard to do), his mouth open comically and holding his beer an inch from it. “Oh, bro-- it’s chill,” he actually giggled, and hid it with a deep swig from his beer. “I was just teasing. You know-- you argue then make up-- you know, then have-- nevermind.” He laughed a little, shaking his head with a wide smile and waved his beer between them as if to brush it off. “You are funny, man. Don’t have a panic.” Lord. Shit. Do these two shit heads even get it? Luke wasn’t sure if he wanted to be in the middle of this, but also felt like he totally wanted to be in the middle of this. He quieted, and inhaled to try to clear his shipping thoughts. “So, alright. We need to start over,” his smile was wide, still welcoming and not combative. “You smoke? I’ll roll us one. If you don’t like it, we can put it out.” He reached over towards the side table and pulled over a small marble box into his lap. Bringing his legs up to criss cross them, he got comfortable situating everything on his thighs, opening the box with a waft of marijuana. He hummed, rolling out a joint. “Tell me, in all seriousness-- just so I can understand better. Why is the concept of hiding or running away so bad for you?”

Downing the rest of his beer, Noah tried not to let the blood rise to his cheeks. Because of course Luke was just teasing. Because of course there was nothing going on between him and Winn whatsoever. Shrugging it all off though for a better subject he shook his head when Luke asked if he smoked. “Not religiously. Football had a pretty strict drug testing policy. Which of course was hilarious to me considering my performance enhancer of choice was a werewolf kidney” He grinned. But the grin slowly turned back to somberness as the older boy started asking the real questions.  “It's a bit hard to explain,” Noah started with a sigh. Because again, there was his tragic backstory, rearing its ugly head. Looking over at the casual way that Luke was rolling the joint though Noah figured that maybe now was time to rip off the bandaid “So I lost my mom, my dad, and my little brother in a boating accident when I was 13. And before you begin, you don’t have to apologize. Life happened, I’ve dealt with it, still actively healing the whole shebang” Noah waved off the other man, not really wanting a repeat of the emotional evening he had with Simon. “But i guess to actually answer your question, running bothers me because yea it seems like an easy choice to make at the moment, but it hurts so many people that care about you. Like my family didn't even leave me on purpose, but I’ve had to deal with so many ramifications of that. So I guess-” Noah paused cocking his head a little staring down into his beer bottle “Like if the shoe was on the other foot, and I had a choice. I still would choose to stay, mostly because I know what it feels like to be left.” 

Lucas didn’t need to be told to interrupt, but the wave between them spoke volumes to how this subject was approached by others, or the very act was Noah putting up a wall between them without realizing it. He licked the paper, sealing the edges with practiced motions, and set the stuff on the table to pull out a lighter. Luke felt terrible about the tale, and could definitely understand a lot more why such a thing was difficult for Noah. He, however, was on the other side of it. The one who left, the one who always leaves, hides, or keeps away. He never did hear from Miles on how it felt-- Miles seemed so relieved to have him back that it honestly never came up. Luke struck the lighter and lit the end until it caught, drawing the smoke in and passed it to Noah. With a careful release, the burn, pleasant and familiar, “thanks for sharing that man.” Lucas said honestly, “I’m still sorry you suffered, but I do get it. I think most people who leave don’t always want to leave. It was lonely for me, and I felt awful the entire time, but it also felt like the only path in front of me or the only one I could see. It’s hard to explain.” 

Taking the joint from Luke, Noah took a long inhale, letting the smoke sit in his lungs for a few moments before exhaling. He knew what Luke was trying to say but….. “But that's the thing, it's not the only path.” Noah replied, passing the joint back to Luke and setting his beer down on the coffee table.“I mean I don't claim to know anything about your situation. But from what I know about Winn’s and well running in general” Noah shook his head. He wanted to figure out how to put everything he wanted to say delicately but it didn't seem like there really wasn’t a way to do that so he just came out and said it.  “It's not the only path. It's just more often than not the easiest one.” Because to Noah’s eyes it was. Running was easy. Staying was harder. 

Lucas slid down in the couch, and relaxed. It was already late anyway and he was in clothes he could sleep in, so the mood was comfortable. He took the joint back, and huffed a laugh at the word easy. “Exactly, it’s not. In that moment though, it’s like the only one illuminated,” Lucas enjoyed the smoke for a few seconds, pondering the best way to put it. It really was difficult to explain, and when he thought about how he convinced Winston all those years ago he’d not even sure if it would make sense to him now. “Easy-- isn’t the word I’d use for me, at least. I was recovering from three bullet wounds laced with silver. Shit fucked up my organs, my brain-- crawling from a damn grave by myself. I didn’t even exist for a couple months. I don’t remember healing or how I did, or who was always there. All I knew,” he passed the joint, voice deeper as he spoke from it, and swirled his beer giving Noah all the attention. “All I knew was that this person existed and had me murdered and watched it. So my reasoning was-- well I’ll stay dead then, so he can’t hurt me anymore. Then shit, years went by so fast. I regret it though. Now-- I regret being alone.”

“I dunno about that.” Noah shook his head before grabbing a pillow and placing it casually on his lap legs sprawling out a bit between them. It was too early to feel the effects of the joint but he was prepared for his body to loosen nevertheless. “I think, and maybe this is just my brain, but like. I’d rather take a second and assess my options before I just blindly choose one. That way I know it's a decision I won't regret” He shrugged out taking the joint back from the other man. “I do get it though.” Noah started after another drag. Because he did in some way. Healing from his kidney procedure and the aftermath of well everything had put him in a very weird headspace that was hard to get out of. “Like not all of it obviously, but yea. Shits not fair. And I know from experience that this really doesn't help but, sorry you had to go through that.” He nudged Luke gently with his foot hoping the other took the touch as sincere and heartfelt. 

Luke hummed in response. He’s promised himself after the last attack, the glaring one up his arm and scarred over, that he would make sure the people around him had a version of Luke that wasn’t like his past self. When he was in his twenties, it was different. He was selfish, he partied, and got into trouble to hide from the fact what was happening to him was happening at all. Everything Gotch has instilled in him had to be unraveled, unlearned, and it had to start with him listening a little more carefully. “Thanks-- before I met you all, I considered just leaving with him. But that was just because he was in my head, still is mind you-- but it’s getting better.” Lucas’ hand rested on his legs, fingers easily toying with the skin just above Noah’s shoe. “Well, I’m not going anywhere. If Gotch wants me, he has to kill me cause I won’t go without a serious fight.” Lucas wanted that fight more than anything, even if he probably couldn’t handle it mentally yet. “Hrmm, come here-- you are too far away.” Lucas pouted just a little bit, but it was with a smile as he tucked his head back on the couch and drank his beer. “What do you want from family Noah? What does that look like for you?” 

Noah nodded solemnly as he handed the joint back to Luke “Glad you didn’t” Lukes touch on his foot was nice, Noah wouldn’t deny it. “Too far away for what?” Noah asked playfully poking Luke again with his toe before repositioning so he was fully on the couch now, legs folded underneath him. There was still a good few inches between the boys but Noah was closer than before. “Cuz If you lure me in with a hug just to kidney punch me Imma be mad bro.” He didn't think that's really what Luke was going to do but he had to jest any way, especially as Lucas hit him with the family question. “Oh god, thats a loaded question” Noah ran a hand through his hair as he thought “I guess i really just want loyalty, and love, and people who care”  

“I won’t punch you,” he laughed, “I might be bigger, but your arms are no joke.” Lucas knew he was asking a lot of personal shit, but he really did want to know. Family was important for anyone, and he hoped Noah hadn’t forgotten that feeling after losing his. Lucas slid down on the couch, all six foot two of him taking over most of the thing, forcing his legs and feet around Noah’s criss crossed position so he didn’t kick him off. The joint played easily on his lips, taking soft inhales and holding it near his mouth when Noah explained further. “It’s not that loaded,” he let a low swirl of smoke. “I was curious-- I want to see you find that. I’m a sap though, totally sensitive, it’s why--” He stopped himself from saying it, that's why he’s always the one fucked up by people who take advantage of him. The high rolled pleasantly in a way that made his mind linger in thought a little deeper. “Alright, ask me anything. No matter how crazy or invasive, I’ll answer it honestly.” Luke looked at the joint almost gone, handing the very last bit to Noah to finish. 

“Bruh you are a literal werewolf. You could knock me out easily” Noah huffed simply accepting his fate between Lucas’ outstretched legs. In any other situation he’d be panicking, mostly because positions like this were reserved for the boys and the boys only, not people he barely knew. But he was relaxed enough right now that he kinda didn’t care. Which was new. But ultimately nice. “No problem with being sensitive bro,” Noah clucked as Luke stopped mid sentence patting the other’s leg gently.   “You’re a born wolf right?” Noah scrunched his eyebrow slightly trying to remember what he’d been told as he took the last hit off the joint “So is touching like a wolf thing? I know Winn likes to touch me a lot, and then there’s this” He motioned to Lucas’ legs around his middle, blowing out the last bit of smoke out of his lungs “To which I don’t mind or anything, but just thought I’d ask, for like reference you know”

“I am,” he confirmed, sipping his beer and closing his eyes to let his high roll into something relaxing and not paranoid. “Touching is just nice. Men never let themselves experience it so easily-- thinks it's taking shit too far with their friends, but being a wolf trait? Hmmmm, probably. The last guy I was with for a night-- his scent, that smallest touch. God. I still think about him, want him.” He huffed a laugh-- his mind didn’t need to linger in kissing Otto right now even though his fingers lingered on his lips. “Maybe touch is too, all our senses are heightened, hearing, smell, taste, sight, so it might be.” Lucas shrugged, glancing down at his position and grinned cheekily. “Ah, that’s probably more me. I can move if you don’t like it, but since I’m being honest. You seem very snuggable, do people hold you enough? It’s ‘probably’ why Winn hangs all over you. You have that vibe, my dude.”

The last guy. Noah made a mental note of the gender. Not that it mattered to him, he was fine with Lucas being bisexual after all, but still that was interesting. “I agree about the men thing” Noah nodded with a sigh “My best friends and I are pretty touchy, but it took a long time to get to that point. Or at least it did for me. Being the weird new kid in their group and all” Noah shrugged looking down at lucas’ leg. He was tempted to poke it again, but stopped when the conversation turned to about him being touched and snuggled. “No, they don’t” It was out of his mouth before he could stop himself, the mixture of weed and the alcohol lowering his brain to mouth filter. “I mean, I’m just usually the one doing the emotional support snuggling, not the one being snuggled I guess. Goes with the vibe” Noah shrugged out, hoping that wasn’t too much of a noticeable backtrack, though he could already feel the red tinge to his cheeks. He knew he shouldn’t be embarrassed to admit he wanted to be touched and held, but it still was hard. Noah wasn’t exactly the type to ask for what he needed after all. “You’re good though, like with me and touching and things.” He was rambling now, and probably really needed to stop talking, but hey, in for a penny in for a pound. “Like I’ll for sure tell you if you cross a line” 

Lucas frowned a little, surprised people didn’t bother giving Noah something so simple. Luke didn’t overly think about werewolf traits, but those around him now that were either bitten, or in a special case like Noah, they kept reminding him that he might take it all for granted. “I’ll leave this out there for you, but if you ever need to just cuddle up and not even talk about shit, just hit me up, man. Everyone needs to feel comfort, and I really don’t always need an explanation.” He pulled out his phone, and started ordering them cheesesteak subs and fries from a nearby place. “You don’t mind? Good-- its free real estate then,” he chuckled at himself, “I’m glad you told me the stuff about your family.” The sensitive side of Luke always surfaced while he drank and smoked, “I think I get you a little more. I’m sure I’ll piss you off again, but at least you know you totally come fight me and you won’t hurt me too much-- weakling--” He winked in tease. “I ordered us food.” 

“You say that noooow,” Noah drawlled “but in 6 months when me and my dog are always here, wrapped around you like spaghetti noodles, I have a feeling you’re gonna regret it.” He grinned at the other boy. It was reassuring to know that Luke would do that for him, even if part of Noah knew he probably would hesitate before seriously taking him up on it. Or maybe he wouldn’t. He was here after all, already settled in a comfortable and weed induced pretzel. Nodding along gently to the other Noah settled back further into the couch pulling lucas’s legs into a little bit more comfortable position. “Oh yea Catch me a couple days before a full moon asshole and we’ll see who's weakling” Noah started with a playful huff flicking the other man’s leg with a grin. It was safe to say Noah had really missed this kind of close brotherly ‘I’m gonna love you but first I’m going to threaten to hurt you’ vibe he’d had with his football team, as well as his own brother. “Good.” Noah’s ears perked up at the mention of food “I was about to die of absolute starvation. What did you get us?”

“Cheesesteaks, fries, and brownies,” Lucas snorted in amusement, for whatever reason that was funny to him, and tossed his phone on the coffee table rougher than he should have. “I’d take you on--” Luke challenged, but with his dopey grin and relaxed body it really wasn’t threatening. His mind wandered easily while he was high, and he couldn’t help but find himself happy right now. Just staring at Noah, and finding it just so damn nice. He’s almost had everyone over now, a few more people in his life needed to come over. This place-- he refused to let it be touched by Gotch, or anything negative. Even with the ghost attached to his soul, feeding on what was so easily bright and happy in a world that played him bad hands. He rolled up in an impressive crunch and grabbed Noah into a wrestling hold, kicking the pillows everywhere, even the cushions. He laughed loud, comfortable-- happy. 

“Nicceeeeeee” Noah breathed out with a happy grin, easing into his mellow. Yelping slightly as the other boy grabbed him though Noah couldn’t help but feel this surge of belonging, even as the cushions went flying, and laughter filled the room. They hadn’t known each other for long but yet wrestling with Luke on the couch just felt so normal, and so right. While they didn’t always see eye to eye Luke was becoming a brother figure he hadn’t had in a long time, and Noah wouldn’t trade it for the world. 

[marvelous-avengers]

stay

a/n: i finished this at 1.45am this morning because i have a lot of thoughts and haven’t had very nice ones about myself lately. so why not write a fic about a better ending then i have by myself at home? sorry its kind of shitty

summary: You think you should go when some negative thoughts take over, but Bucky wants you to stay.    

pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader

warnings: negativity/self deprecation, it’s kinda shitty sorry y’all

A heavy groan parts shaky lips as a hard and toned body rolls off of you, and you sigh, breathing into the cool evening air coming in through the open window. You’re still trying to catch your breath, mouth wide as you stare at the ceiling, hands reaching blindly for the sheet to cover your chest. Bucky settles himself next to you, one arm still under the pillow perched beneath your head. You close your eyes and bite your bottom lip.

“Damn,” he whispers into the dark room.

You find the strength to chuckle just a bit, hands resting on your abdomen. You turn your head to look at him and see his eyes closed, basking in all the post-coital bliss. You want to reach out and touch him, kiss him, but you stop yourself and instead sit up, clutching the sheet to your chest.

“Where are ya goin’?”

You reach for a shirt on the floor–ironically, his–and pull it on before standing. His voice is hinted with something–sadness? You suddenly feel so silly. “Just the bathroom.”

You don’t hear his response as you nearly run to the bathroom to relieve yourself. After you wash your hands, you splash some water on your face. You give yourself another moment as you pat your skin dry, staring at your reflection in the mirror.

You never really expected this to happen–don’t really remember how it started. You weren’t really someone that just did this; there were usually feelings involved. And in this situation, they are. For you, at least.

It was easy to like Bucky. He was kind, and smart, and stupidly handsome. Funny, compassionate, endearing. He had been your friend for years, and it was so easy to like him. Too easy. One night he had just stood a little too close and looked at you just like that with those eyes, and you were done for. The rest was really history.

This isn’t the first time it’s happened. It’s been going on for a few weeks, maybe a couple months or so, and it was kind of driving you insane, because you weren’t really sure where you stood. There were no feelings declared, nothing specific that you could remember. There were nights where you would hang out, have dinner, or go to the bar, or be at his apartment just like this. Not that you were really complaining–it was the most sex you’ve had in a while, and he was very good at it. He’d kiss you and play with your fingers and make you feel like you were the only person in the entire world. You just didn’t know if you were the only person.

Out of everyone, every girl he could have his way with, what drew him to you? Why you? It didn’t make any sense, not to your anxious self at least.

As you stare at yourself in the mirror, every negative thought starts to circle in your head. You bring up the shirt just a little, placing your other hand on your lower stomach. Your eyes pinpoint every flaw you think you see as your mind starts to dissect and expand it. You bite your lower lip, and with each loop the pessimistic words are getting louder and louder.

You have to get out of here.

Another moment later finds you back in the bedroom, trying to be as quiet as possible as you gather your clothes. Bucky is now curled towards your vacant spot, seemingly asleep, and something turns in your stomach. You so desperately want to just slip back in next to him and pretend like you belong there, but that nagging voice is urging you to run while you still can. Sometimes you listen to it and indulge yourself of Bucky, of his presence and warmth, but right now, that voice is winning.

“There you are.” His voice startles you a bit as you shuffle into your underwear, and you turn to see that he’s still curled into the spot, eyes closed. “Thought you’d fallen in.”

You gulp. “Sorry,” is all you can manage.

He opens his eyes with a frown to see you rummaging for your clothes. “What’re you doin’, doll?”

You don’t dare look at him, at his disappointed face. You can feel it in your side. It’s making it hard to think of an excuse. “It’s late, and I have work in the morning.”

“It’s after midnight, Y/N, you’re not going anywhere.” He shifts to hold himself up on his elbow, voice still kind as he continues. “I mean, if you really want to, you can, I’ll get dressed and–”

“No,” you cut him off, and his eyes narrow slightly as he watches you thumb the hem of the shirt, “it’s okay, I’ll stay.” Your feet are cemented to the floor, it seems, as your brain continues to rack around for something to say, for some kind of exit strategy.

“Y/N.” His eyes are just as soft as his voice when you finally meet them. Your throat has gone dry and you can’t hear the negative thoughts in your head. “C’mere, please.”

You let out a slow breath as you move and climb back into bed next to him. He doesn’t move, instead watching you as you settle on your back. His free hand traces your arm gently as he gazes down at you. “What’s goin’ on, Y/N?”

You bite down on your lip, fingers picking at the sheet as you avoid his eyes again. “I just thought that I should leave, is all.”

He sounds confused. “Why?”

You shrug. “I just figured you might not want me to stay.”

“What?” You finally look at him and he looks like a puppy that’s been kicked. “Y/N, why would you think that? I always want you to stay.”

“What?” You sit up, and Bucky follows. “But you’re you.” He gives you another look, and you use his silence to continue, ignoring the rapid beating of your heart. “How could–how could you want me? What are we even doing here, Bucky?”

“Doll, what are you talking about?”

“I just–” your mind is racing so fast that words aren’t even registering. You press the heel of your hands into your forehead and sigh, tears forming at the corners of your eyes. “You’re you and I’m me. It doesn’t match up. Every time I look in the mirror I don’t understand and I see every negative thing about myself and how there are a million other people out there that would be a way better fit and I just, I can’t stop thinking about it and it’s driving me insane.”

You’re crying now and he just pulls you into his lap, curling his arms around you. “Shh, doll. It’s okay. What did you think we were doing here?”

“I don’t know!” You cry out, and Bucky just chuckles. You smack his arm and try to push him away, but you don’t go far, considering you’re still planted in his lap.

He takes both of his hands and holds your face, softly wiping the tears from your cheeks. “Darlin’, when I first asked if you wanted to get drinks, I was asking ya out on a date. I thought that’s what we’ve been doin’ all along. M’Sorry if I didn’t make that clear.” He brings your face to his, kissing you tenderly and you gingerly place your hands on his bare chest. The negative voice is still shouting, though very far away, and getting farther with each moment.

He pulls away only to peck your lips again. His eyes search yours, silently pleading. “This isn’t a ‘wham, bam, thank ya ma’am’ kinda thing.” One of his hands goes through your hair to stroke your back, and he smiles as you nearly purr in his embrace. “I really like you, doll, and I really like spending time with you.”

You take a moment to collect your thoughts. As you look at him, you don’t see what the voice has been saying. There is no negative words, no pulling away or disgust, no belittling. His arms are firm and comforting around you, eyes soft and tender, words honest. Your heart skips a beat.

“I’m sorry,” you finally say, curling your hands around the back of his neck. “I just–sometimes when I see these negative things about myself they are the only things I can see. It cycles and I panic and I thought that there was someone better that you deserved out there, and that I don’t deserve you.”

“Baby,” he coos, hand softly guiding you to look at him. His eyes are clear and you want to swim in them. “I deserve everything that I want, which is you. And so do you.” You gulp. “You are so much more than those negative thoughts, and they aren’t even true.” He takes both of his hands and skims them up and down your sides and thighs, making you involuntarily shiver.

“I adore every inch of you, darlin’. You are beautiful and intelligent and I thank whoever’s up there that you let me have you the way that I do. In any way.”

You feel the warmth bursting through your chest and seeping into your bones, and you bury yourself into him, making him chuckle. He simply hugs you to his body. “I do want you, Bucky. I really like you, too.”

“Good, ‘cuz I’m not letting you go any time soon.” He kisses the top of your head before settling you both down into bed. You curl into his chest, content and free of any negative thoughts. Bucky smiles, kissing the top of your head and holding you close as you drift into a peaceful slumber, wrapped up in the warmth of each other.

[truthaliar]

aiiiiiiight so here’s a post about mental health representation in media; or in other words: my mental health and apparently, the umbrella academy.

ps i am in no way, shape or form a mental health professional - this is just retelling an experience i had

sooo okay i was talking to my therapist. i’m gonna paraphrase this but basically she was like ‘do you watch umbrella academy’ and i was like ‘yea my friends are trying to figure out who is who in my friend group’ and it basically went ‘oh did they put you as diego? good, let’s talk about your hero complex.’ 

now to clarify i’m not typically like super open about it, but i have ptsd & anxiety. my panic disorder is mostly controlled at this point (ie i can now pinpoint triggers). a few weeks ago i finally told my mom i had ptsd after several years and she just responded, ‘i know.’

anyway, i ended up learning that there’s peer reviewed articles about umbrella academy in psychiatric journals, highlighting the show’s potential as a mental health tool. also i never really saw myself in any of tua characters but vaguely recognized my obsession w/ justice in diego, and also saw myself in five’s caffeine addiction. so the fact that a medical person... saw diego - weirds me out a little. more on that in a sec.

so my therapist, i guess let’s call her fran, said that diego’s behavior & habits are tied to his inability to introspect and manage his own emotions so he externalizes & fixates on justice, this external thing that has clear, logical right & wrong, something that he can take into his own hands bc he feels that the system is broken. it’s easier for him to focus on that than on fixing himself.

to be clear she said it’s fairly common for ppl in diff branches of medicine to feel this way to a degree; you’re trained to be more detached from your emotions so it’s not unusual to (slightly-moderately) go either the diego route or the luther route if you begin to lose it (and hopefully not the five route cuz that’s a whole diff story). of course these are extremes (and she said i have parallels to diego, not that i have anywhere near his level of hero complex)

even still when she said that -- it hit different. like when my friends cast each other, it’s something we’ve been doing for years right? it’s just fun, and yea you often poke fun at yourself/each other in the process -- but it’s not the same as a professional saying ‘look at this extreme characterization of what could happen if you don’t take a step back‘. honestly my response was, ‘wow that doesn’t seem healthy.’

so the diego route is feeling like the system has failed you. therefore you want to act against or destroy the system that let you down, that didn’t care about you, that didn’t nurture you, and build something better -- on your own because the whole damn thing is unjust and it isn’t fair. the emotion you use to cope with is anger. and to build a new system you need people to back you. to get people to back you, you need to save them. kill the system, fix the broken. you might think you’re doing it on your own, but your success is still contingent on there being problems to solve.

the luther route -- based on my understanding bc she didn’t think i did this -- is more adhering yourself to the system and saying ‘good or bad, it’s by wedding myself to the system through which i will succeed, and i must be important because the system let me in to begin with.’

ofc any person can begin to display traits of any of those characters or of multiple characters, and to repeat they’re all in rough shape. and just bc she implied those are the two fairly common ways to feel in doesn’t mean you can’t be a klaus or a vanya or an allison or whoever you see similarities with.. like that’s the point. everyone responds to trauma differently. and it’s also a one-size fits all. she didn’t mean to and i do not mean to represent the siblings as perfect representations -- only that it does happen to match my behavior.

fran told me that to snap out of the hero complex, at least sometimes, you have to be able to separate yourself from the injustice that surrounds you n understand that people aren’t helpless and you are not here to save everyone. bc first of all - that’s a lot of fuckin’ work and second of all - that’s kinda rude to assume that people can’t fix their own problems. and unless they ask us for help, it’s our job to let them. after all, i’d be pissed if someone thought i needed saving.

so then comes the part i struggle with which is detaching yourself from the work you inevitably choose that focuses on solving problems. i’m shit at it; i’m always fucking problem-solving. i can’t turn it off. i can’t make it stop. and it carries over from my youth bc i felt like i was the only person that could see the solutions to the very real problems in my life. like diego, i’d zoom in and fixate (helloooo jfk plotline) and try to do something about it. turns out i got pretty good at this, and that spurred my career path. i never wanted to see myself as the victim. ever. even after i endured certain traumas that i don’t want to disclose. in my mind, i was never broken. the situations were just injust; and i couldn’t fix... the people, but maybe i could fix the situations.

so what did justice look like to me? i love my family, so i mostly focused on my career - something i could undoubtedly shape on my own. developed a list of people whose jobs i wanted to steal. out of revenge, feeling i could bring justice to the field by bringing my mindset to the table. sound vaguely familiar?

also probably not the healthiest fictional character to relate to. worse still, even arya was able to let go of her vindictive streak at the end of the day (at least in the show) -- something i am still working on. (also probably a good time for a reminder that the plan is to get good enough in my field to ‘steal jobs’ so that i can mold the field into what i want it to be, not actually physically hurt people). i did take up fencing tho.

soooo now it’s 2020. and i’m 28. and something important happened.

i was talking with my mentor and as we were chatting i realized that there is a job out there that i want. and not because i want to steal it out of a sense of ‘revenge’ -- but because i really like that person’s job. that i could see myself in that position because i love what it entails. and i think it’s the first time i ever saw that.

in eight months of constant therapy, i’ve realized that i do have a dream vet school; i do have a dream job; that my life is more than just trying to fix the world.

complexes don’t go away overnight and i kept things purposely vague - i’ll always have a little bit of ‘save the world’ in me.

but i can now say that tech school finishes in 10 months. it’ll be over in less than a year. i submit my vet school app in a week, with a much more refined & steady focus. i’m kind of ready to pursue happiness again. i’m much more confident that i’ll get where i want to be.

and whatever ya know? i’ll figure it out as i go

but tada there’s the story of my therapist seeing me in diego hargreeves, what the fuck.

[salmonthestoryteller]

This Used to Be My Playground

So this is supposed to be a Post s1 friendship focused fic that does not start out pretty, because of where we ended the season, and because post season angst is getting to me.  However, please keep all character hate off my post.  (Except Jesse Manes.  All hatred of Jesse Manes is acceptable and encouraged even when he does not appear.  Evil Noah is okay to hate as well, actually. Nobody else, though.)

This Used to Be My Playground

Roswell New Mexico Fanfic

“We’re closed!”  Maria called out when she heard the door.  Footsteps entered anyway and she turned - spotting where Alex was coming toward the bartop.   “Alex, hey. I-”

“Hey?”  Alex cut her off, stopping by table.  “That’s the greeting I get?  Hey?”

Maria frowned at his curt tone.  “What were you expecting?  You know I’ll usually make an exception for friends who want a drink after hours.”

“Friends, is that what we are?”  Alex questioned her.

“What does that mean?”

“Michael and you, huh?”  Alex stopped before he reached the bar.

“I was going to talk to you about it, Alex.”

“And say what?  That you knew you’d be betraying me, but you just didn’t care?”

“Betray?”  Maria repeated the words.  “Betray, wow. Pretty harsh.”

“Like I told Liz once.  I left nice behind in the middle east.  That was around the time I told her she was being a shitty friend to you, by the way.  You’re welcome for that.”

“As opposed to the total paradigm of friendship you’ve been?”

“And what’s that supposed to mean?”

“Oh?  You wanna know?  Sure. Well, I’m doing fine, Alex - thanks for asking.  The date rape drug someone slipped into my drink at the UFO Emporium Gala didn’t have any side effects. Deputy Evans apologized that there was no way to pinpoint a suspect.”

Alex couldn’t meet her eyes.  “I heard something about that.”

“Yah, well, while you were hearing things, Guerin was looking out for me.  Stayed with me while I recovered, and even walked me home in case the suspect was still lurking.  He was a perfect gentleman about it.”

“Well, Michael’s a good person.  Usually a good person.”  He amended. He definitely hadn’t forgiven him for failing to meet him after he'd promised.

“Yah, he is.  You know who wasn’t there for me that night?”

“Did you call me?  Cuz you know I would have been there if you’d picked up the phone, Maria.”

“Do I?  Do we really know that anymore, Alex?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Alex crossed his arms, frowning at her.

“You were on your second tour the first time my mother went missing.  I drove around town for ten hours.  And when I pulled off to the side of the road, crying my eyes out, who could I call?  You were in a warzone.  And Liz?  I didn’t even have her number."

"I couldn't be there that day, but there were times-"

"There were times, what?" Maria interrupted again.  "You were here for a handful of days? A couple of weeks sporadically over ten years time? I love you, Alex, but you weren't here. You don’t know what the past ten years have really been like for me, and vice versa. We don’t talk about what happened while we were away from each other. We don’t talk about the hard stuff. Do you know how I found out about your leg?  Through a newspaper article.  You didn't even call me during your recovery."

"And if I had?”  Alex challenged,  “What?  You would have left your mom alone and flown halfway across the world to see me?  We both know that wouldn't have happened.”

“No, it wouldn’t have.”  Maria admitted.  “So where does that leave us?”

"I thought that was changing since we got back.  Liz and I spent the day with you and your mother. Liz went with you to Texas. I haven't frequented a bar this much since my first tour."

"And what have we talked about? The past. A little about my mom's illness. About the fact you were pining for someone.  Someone you didn’t even trust me enough to name.”

“It wasn’t just my secret.”

“That didn’t stop you from telling me after I hooked up with Michael.” Maria pointed out.

“I did not tell - you guessed.” Alex countered.  “And I seem to recall you saying that meant nothing to you.”

“I felt guilty.”

“So you felt guilty about being with him when you didn’t know we have a history, but you don’t feel guilty being with him now?”

“Where will you be in two years, Alex?”  Maria asked him.

Alex frowned.  “What?”

“Where will you be two years from now?”  Maria repeated.  “Are you reenlisting? Are you leaving the military? Are you planning to stay in Roswell?”

“What does that-”

“Liz always talked about leaving, and she did.  She’s back, but she’s already talking about leaving again.  You have always hated Roswell, and surprise - you left. Sure, you’re back now while you finish your time in the military, but what then?  Two years from now will either of you still be here?”

Alex stared at her in confusion. “I don’t know.” He answered honestly.

Maria nodded.  “Do you know who will be here two yeara from now, Alex?  Me.  Do you know who else will be here two years from now?  Michael Guerin.  Probably here in my bar at least three days a week.  You? Liz?  I don’t know where you’ll be.  But me and Guerin. This is it.”  She spread her arms to encompass it all - her bar, the town; their lives.  “This is our future.  So why the hell shouldn’t I try to make something of that? What right have you to tell me not to?”

"The difference is Michael isn't some fling to me." Alex reminded her. "Can you honestly say that?"

"I feel safe around him.  I feel happy.  I haven't felt that since my mom got sick."  Maria admitted.

"It's still not love. I mean, if you are going to date the guy I’ve wanted for ten years, you could at least have the decency to be in love with him."

“Michael chose me, Alex.  He came to me.”  Maria pointed out.  Stealing herself, she looked at him.  “Are you angry that I acted on my feelings?  Or are you angry you squandered countless chances to do the same?”

“Wow, not pulling punches now, are we?”  Alex stepped forward to face her across the bartop.  “Fine, then I won’t either.  He loves me, Maria, and he will always love me.  You?  You’re just another distraction.”

“Get out.”  Maria pointed to the door.

“Gladly.”

-----

“I heard it through the grapevine you might be out here day drinking.”  Liz approached where he sat at a table of the empty drive-in.

“Would this Grapevine be called Maria?”  Alex swallowed down another gulp from his bottle.  He’d brought plenty of liquor to the sight for a proper bender, seeing as the locals bar was run by the person he didn’t want to see.

“She still cares about you.”

“She has a funny way of showing it.”

“I told her the night before she agreed to be with Michael that her feelings matter, too.”

“Well, screw you both then.” Alex turned back to his liquor.

Liz reached over to grab a bottle. “If you slept with Kyle, I wouldn't care.”

“What?”  Alex looked at her in complete confusion.  “Why the hell would-”

“I wouldn’t care if Maria slept with him, either.”

“Why are we discussing Kyle Valenti’s non-existent sex life?”

“I guess I thought Michael was your Kyle.  Not your Max.”  Liz confessed.

“Now I feel like a jerk.  Here I am moping because Michael stood me up, and wants to date someone else.  Meanwhile the guy you’re in love with is currently floating in an alien pod, potentially dying.”

“Don’t do that.  Don’t shut down how you feel.  You can be mad, Alex.  Just… don’t unpack and live there. I tried that.  It’s not a happy place.”

“Oh, I am mad.  At both of them.  Which sucks, because I still love both of them, too.”

“I am so happy to have Rosa back, but I am also furious with Max for putting himself in danger like this.  I think I might slap him when we figure out how to heal him.  I just haven’t figured out if I should kiss him first.”

“Do yourself a favor and kiss him first.”  Alex suggested.

Liz laughed.  “So, why are we drinking at the drive in?”

“Michael and I had a sort-of date here.  If you count sitting on opposite sides of his tailgate to watch a movie he hated a date.  We did split beer, though.  Then my dad pretty much called me an embarrassment and insulted my taste in men, Michael illegally sold property, and I dumped him at the end of the night.”

Liz stared.  “Wow.  That’s… that’s not a great date.”

“It didn’t start out bad.”

“If it makes you feel better, I interrupted Max getting a handjob from another woman here in order to accuse him of writing love letters to my sister ten years ago and murdering her.”

“What?”  It was Alex’s turn to stare.

“I didn’t know the whole truth yet, just that an alien was responsible, and Rosa had a letter he wrote in one of her hiding spots.  I thought it was for her, but he wrote it for me and for some reason Rosa hid it so I wouldn’t see it.”

“And you interrupted him getting a handjob to yell at him about it?”

“I was angry.”

The two looked at each other another moment before breaking down into laughter.

-----

“What do you want?”  Michael didn’t bother to get up from his seat outside his airstream.  There was a collection of bottles around him, despite the fact that it was barely noon.

Liz stepped over the bottles to get in close to where he was seated.. “I wanted to take a look at your lab.  I thought maybe together we could-”

“No.” Michael interrupted her.

“No?” Liz was taken back by the rebuttal.

“Not interested in playing scientist with you.  Not this time.”

“Michael, our best shot is to work together-”

“To do what?” Michael stood up, tone angry.  “To do what?  Max is dead, Liz!  He’s not sick; he’s not suspended in time - he’s dead!”

Liz steeled herself.  “So was Rosa.”

“Yah, and look what it cost Max to bring her back.  The sooner you and Isobel get it through your head he isn’t coming back, the sooner we can get on with our lives!  I’m not going to play a part in this delusion you’re both living in!”

“You don’t know it’s a delusion!  We don’t know enough about-”

“Yah, that’s right - we don’t know.  We don’t know anything and we never have.  So much of what has gone wrong in our lives all comes down to our history and our powers.  So I’m done! I’m done.”  He stepped back.  “You want my lab?  Take it.  I’m never touching any of it ever again. Or my powers.”

“You don’t mean that.”  Liz told him.

Michael grabbed up another liquor bottle, and headed over to his truck.  “Like hell I don’t. So you want my lab?  Take it.  It’s yours.”

Liz watched him leave.

-----

The drunk tank was a familiar space.  Michael glanced around it in confusion, then gave a small groan before setting back against the bars.

“Usually you’d be Evans problem.”

Michael reopened his eyes to look at Cam, who was watching him.  “Well, there’s a problem with that.”  He told her.

“No kidding.  And this is the best use of your time?”

“Depends, what did I do?  I seem to be drawing a blank.”

“You got in a fight at the Wild Pony.”

“Darn.  Bet DeLuca is pissed.”

“To put it mildly.  Seriously, Guerin.  Was it worth it?”

Michael shrugged.  “Can’t really remember, but probably.”

Cam shook her head.  “I called Isobel Evans.  She’ll be here shortly. Attempt to sober up before that.”

-----

“I’d threaten to turn your brain into sludge, but it would feel like a moot point.” Isobel blew into the room as if she owned it.

“It was one fight, Isobel. It’s nothing I haven’t done before.”

“I don’t have time to deal with you falling back into these habits, Michael.”

“So next time don’t come.”

“I should let you rot in here until  you’re sober.  Unfortunately for both of us, this wasn’t as simple as a drunken fight.”

“Did I do something else?”

“Oh, just told Maria DeLuca about aliens while drunk out of your mind, complete with a demonstration of your powers.”

“...Oh.”

“Yah.  Oh.”

-----  

“How long have you known?”  Maria’s hands were gripping the cloth she used to wipe the bar with tightly in both hands.

“Max healed me the night of the shooting at the Crashdown.”

“So all this time, and you said nothing?”

“I didn’t know anything at first.  Max told me the truth of what they were a few days later, but I didn’t get the full story then.  Turned out they didn’t know the full story themselves.  We still don’t know a lot.”

“You knew Max could heal.”

“Wounds.  He couldn’t heal Isobel while she was sick, so I guess he could-- can only heal wounds.”

“Could he have helped my Mom?”

“...I don’t know.  There’s a lot we don’t know about their powers.”

“And I was… controlled by an alien serial killer.”

“Noah, yes.”

“And you still said nothing.”

“I promised Max-”

“You told Kyle.  You told Kyle, but not me.”

Liz reached out toward her.  “Maria.”

Maria withdrew her hands, standing up.  “I need time.”

Liz pulled her hand back.  “Yah, yah - I get it.”

-----

“We trying this again?”  Maria sat down across from Isobel.

“Neither of us is going to get better if we don’t challenge ourselves.”  Isobel reminded her.  When Maria went to remove her necklace, Isobel held up a hand for her to stop her.  “Leave the necklace on.”

“You got a nosebleed last time we did this with the necklace on.”

“We have to challenge ourselves.”  Isobel repeated.  “I have to get stronger to save Max.”

Maria frowned, clearly not liking it, but left the necklace on.  She held out her hand.  “C’mon, then.”

Isobel placed her hand in hers.  "Okay.  Think of a number."

"Why can't we do colors, again?"

"Because you chose Burnt Sienna last time and that's just cheating."

"And here I thought you were a fashionista." Maria pointed out.

"Ha ha.  Concentrate."

The two's eyes met, the room growing distant and faded.

"You're being distracted by worrying about Max again." Maria told her.

"Not feeling him with me is… it's like I'm cold all the time."

"I thought that was your natural state."

"Insulting me won't distract me."

"I'm sure I can figure out something that will."

"As long as it's not a memory of my brother naked. I don't want to have to bleach my eyeballs." Isobel told her.

"How come you're so okay with Michael and I?  You don't even like me."

"Because at the end of the day I have two people that matter to me. Max and Michael. And the truth is?  Everyone else can burn so long as they are safe and happy.  They deserve it."

"What about you?"

"17.  The number is 17."

The world came into focus, and Maria saw blood drip from Isobel's nose.  "You pushed too hard again." She ran to the towel for a bar, and ran back to press it against her face gently.

Slightly disoriented, Isobel leaned her head up at her urging. "I have to push. I have to get stronger."

"You're not going to get stronger by hurting yourself."

"I let Noah in. It's all on me."

"You didn't let him do anything." Maria scolded her.

"I have to make sure it never happens again.  I have to. We have to keep practicing."

"We are done for the day. I won't let you hurt yourself."

"Why not?  You hate me."

"I don't hate you, Evans.  I don't even know you."

"I don't know me anymore.  That's the problem." Isobel's eyes slid close as she fought the light headed feeling of using her powers against the pollen.

Maria slid into the booth next to her, and propped her onto her shoulder, still keeping the towel pressed gently to catch anymore blood. "You'll get there."

-----

“Do you think it’s all connected?”  Isobel standing in the Project Shepherd Bunker was definitely new territory.

“I don’t think your brother walked out that cave.”  Alex told her.

“And Mimi DeLuca?”

Alex sighed.  “Mimi knew something. I don’t know what, but she did.  At least, at one point she did. She mentioned Jim Valenti and aliens to me during one of her lucid moments.”

“Does Maria know that?”

“No, I never told her.” Alex admitted, then paused.  “How is she holding up?”

“Like her only living family is missing.”  Isobel quipped.

Alex’s fingers hesitated over the keyboard.  “Is Liz with her?”

“She’s pushed Liz away since she found everything out.  And Michael’s mad at her for encouraging me to expand my powers.”

“She’s alone?”

“Well, I’m not there, and Rosa is with Kyle, so.”  She shrugged.

“That’s the last thing she needs right now.”

“Well, you could always go see her.”

“Things haven’t been the same between us for months.”

“Look, far be it for me to tell you what to do with your life-”

“So why do I get the feeling you’re about to do just that?”

“Michael and Max lied to me about what happened with Rosa for ten years.  Max killed himself bringing her back, and Michael has either been burying his head in the sand or trying to self-destruct his life since. But if he called, I’d be there.  You know why?”

“No.  Enlighten me, oh wise one.” Alex’s voice dripped sarcasm.

“Because apologies are nothing but hot air, and earning forgiveness is a gimmick created to sell flowers.  We toss people out of our lives for the acts less terrible than we accept from other people we keep in it.  Nobody earns forgiveness, Manes.  We give it because we love them too damn much not to.”  Alex didn’t reply, and Isobel took it as her cue to leave.  “Let me know if you find anything new.”

-----

Liz met him outside the Wild Pony.

“We’re closed!”  Maria greeted without turning around.  She was seated at the bar with a drink in front of her.  She paused when they appeared in the mirror she was facing.

“Hey.”  Liz greeted.

“Did you find-” She turned.

“No.”  Alex told her.

“Not yet.”  Liz corrected.

Maria nodded, and silence settled over them.  “Well, I’m sure you have somewhere you need to be.”

Ever fearless, Liz moved forward to sit on the stool next to her.  “Nope.”

“Liz-”

“It’s been ten years, and in all that time I’ve never had another best friend.”

Maria didn’t meet her eyes.  “Me either.”

“I don’t want a different best friend.”

Maria’s eyes shone with unshed tears as she took her hand.  “Me either.”

Alex moved to her other side.  “We used to be able to talk about anything.”

Maria reached out to take his hand.  “Maybe we still can.”

“I have the perfect idea for how to get that started.”  Liz spoke up.

Maria smiled through the tears.  “Tequila?”  She suggested.

“Tequila!”  Liz agreed. Standing up she threw open her arms.  Maria hopped off her stool and Alex joined her in a three-way embrace.

It was a start.

Fini

I started this shortly after s01e13 and then abandoned it. For the free day I finally decided to tackle it again.  This will probably be my last post s1 fic until we get new canon material