#I float this idea because it cannot be done secretly

[monsieurboyardee]

I tweeted this when there was discourse about lwj playing inquiry for 13 years a la cql vs lwj moving on with his life a la mdzs/fan interpretation so here u go:

Hear me out hear me out, what if "hanguang-jun spent those thirteen years moving on from wwx and raising A-yuan" and "lwj spent 13 years playing inquiry on the guqin every night" are two ideas that can coexist?

Bc death is weird and hard especially when there's things you should've said or done that still weigh in you even years later, and it takes time to mourn and to grieve even when you've got other, more important things to be taking care of. Maybe after coming out of his three years of seclusion lwj did try to move on, to raise this kid and be a good father, to be a good brother and nephew, to be the second Jade of Gusu Lan. He went where the chaos was, he helped people, he lived his life. Even when wwx was alive they weren't attached at the hip. And slowly but steadily, he begins to move on because he is more than just his grief and his pain.

But at night, it's just him. The world is asleep, or getting ready for sleep, and he's checked everything off his to do list for the day. There's nothing but the silence in the Jingshi and the soft sounds of nightfall outside. And when wwx's death was still too recent, too fresh of a wound, lwj would sit and play Inquiry until his fingers bled over the strings, just in case his spirit was still out there, just in case he still has one more chance to say he's sorry. But an answer never came, and at this point he isn't expecting it to.

And he's been trying to move on, he really is, but sometimes it's the way Shizui smiles so so brightly and beautifully, sometimes it's when he's in caiyi town and he sees a bottle of emperor's smile, sometimes it's just when the night stretches on and all lwj can think about is wwx's hands on him, of his forehead ribbon in wwx's hands, of how he's so so fucking lonely despite everything because he's still kind of caught up in the idea of what might have been, what could have happened if lwj had just said what he'd wanted to say when he'd wanted to say it.

So he stores bottles of Emperor's Smile in his floorboards, and he sits up at night and plays Inquiry. As the years pass on he only plays it once or twice, but sometimes when the ache is too strong to sleep but not strong enough to put into words, he plays a few more. And eventually it stops being a way to call out to wwx and just one of those Things That He Does, as all people have--he holds his hand behind his back when he walks, he cannot handle his alcohol past one sip, and he plays Inquiry at least once a night every night before he goes to sleep. Because it's become a tradition of sorts for him, a way to rationalize and express his grief while still being able to go about the day and live out his own life. And so even when it stops being his crutch and just starts being his routine he continues, because it feels wrong to stop now and because he is Allowed to express every thing he cannot say in that short period, and he can quietly, secretly, say everything to wwx that he couldn't say before: I'm here, I'm here for you now, even though I wasn't there for you back then. And as the years pass and his routine continues, lwj learns to cope.

Until one day, thirteen years later, lwj hears an unmistakable melody floating through air and looks into Mo Xuanyu's eyes. And for the first time in what seems like forever, something slots back into place inside of him, a feeling that he had accepted and grown used to over the years rewritten over so quickly it would be astounding if he wasn't currently quite so distracted. And for the first time in thirteen years, lwj forgets to play Inquiry before he goes to sleep. Because for the first time in thirteen years, Lan Wangji can make things right.

[coolest-in-chaldea]

hello! im quite excited for this blog fate fic blogs are quite hard to find may i have some headcanons of merlin realizing he has fallen in love and what a relationship would be like hopefully thats okay good luck with the blog!

Merlin Realizing He’s In Love Headcanons

note: hi! thanks so much for being the first request ever sent in!! Sorry this took so long to get to, I’ve been swamped with school and grinding on f/go for daysssss, 90 saint quartz but no 4 or 5 stars 😔💔 also I finally got on my laptop so anon is an option now for anyone wanting to request :D

- Merlin’s vast knowledge of pretty much everything happening at any given time is a little scary, so I don’t think he’s really the type to be dense. I think he’s more likely to pace around and talk to himself for a day or so while ‘deducing’ that his racing heart and flushed face are in fact indicative of falling in love. He’s not super serious like some of the other genius servants, he’s more-so just really awkward at handling social situations since he spent most of his life pretty isolated in his tower.

- Meanwhile, everyone else in chaldea are holding their breaths because the lack of Merlin shenanigans is starting to get suspicious..you and the Camelot servants especially are going ‘awww shit here we go again’ as you anticipate an elaborate scheme to come.

- Merlin definitely isn’t insecure, but I don’t think he’d have any plans of confessing at first because he’s never seriously imagined himself in a relationship. He’s perceptive enough to know that he likes you, but he doesn’t see any significance to it until it starts to get distracting!

- When he eventually starts interacting with you again, he’s 1000% more of a hassle than he usually is. He’s like that one kid in elementary school who just constantly bothers his crush. It doesn’t take long for you to grow tired of Merlin’s 24/7 bs, and when you finally retire to your room for the night you have a frustrated ‘why me?!’ moment. Tbh you’re just trying to figure out what you could’ve possibly done to prompt Merlin’s wrath, but the knights of the round table are painfully aware of why Merlin’s been constantly targeting you.

- Merlin’s an extremely talented mage, and I’m sure he’d switch around or transform some of your things, but I could also see him pulling some of the classic childhood pranks on you with the assistance of magic.

- You’re having a lovely conversation sitting across from Artoria, but when you get up to leave, you immediately trip and faceplant onto the floor. A very concerned Artoria asks if you’re ill and, trying not to lose your cool, you have to explain to her that SOMEONE apparently tied your shoelaces together with an elaborate series of knots in the shape of a flower. There wasn’t anyone else near you, but you both exchange an exasperated look as you know exactly who the culprit is.

- Merlin's flirting is still totally focused on annoying you and/or pissing you off. what can I say? it's just his favorite hobby! He's the type to believe than any attention from you is good attention, so he's more than happy to provoke you in order to put your focus on him. He's not that awful though, and he sticks to being a general nuisance and causing mild inconveniences as opposed to actually harming anyone. He does care a lot about you if he has feelings for you after all, he just has a...funny way of showing it.

- You will constantly be asking yourself 'is Merlin antagonizing me or flirting with me??' (the answer is both btw)

- If you're shorter than Merlin, he always interrupts your conversations by strolling over and using your head as an armrest. If you aren't, sike yes you are actually because the cheeky wizard is now floating to be taller than you >:)

- Merlin has literally zero chill and I think he'd continue to be chaotic af whether he's just crushing on you or you've been dating for years. He probably does like physical contact and cuddling, but he refuses to initiate it like a normal person. He'll eventually get comfortable enough to where he doesn't have to be affectionate via pranks, but don't get me wrong, that doesn't mean that Merlin ever gets calm or discreet about it.

- Any time you're sitting on a couch, chair, the floor, or your bed, regardless of what you're doing, he will just come stand next to you and very dramatically fall on top of you (secretly careful not to hurt you of course) and just chill there sprawled over you in whatever ridiculous position you ended up in. If you adjust him to a more comfortable position (his favorites are sitting with his back to your chest and your arms holding him or vice versa and sitting tucked into your side with one of your arms around him and his around your waist) he'll be more than happy to comply, but how you deal with your beloved needy wizard is up to you!

- Tbh I could see a confession going one of two ways, both extremes on opposite ends of a spectrum with no in between. Either

A.) he never officially confesses, but you get the idea and you both come to an agreement of being exclusive to each other (or having communication as partners if you're polyamorous) as well as comfortably doing everything a couple would, just with an official label OR

B.) He's a total showoff and performs the most absurd, elaborate and extreme confession with magic the world has ever seen. I cannot get the thought of those brilliant wizard pronoun images made by iguanamouth out of my head-

I'm imagining THIS but it's a confession like those 'will you be my date to prom?' signs people make 😳

[fandom-imagination-ss]

imagine: Eddie overhearing your conversation with Robin and Nancy and discovering you have a massive crush on him. 

Author note: I cannot BELIEVE the Gull of volume 2!! No spoilers will happen in this. Unless you don’t know who Eddie is then surprise! lol 

Fandom: Stranger things 

Rating: Well No Smut, just Fluff, and self-doubt 

Everyone in Hawkin knew who you were, your Dad was a  cop, your Mom a Nurse, and Everyone knew you for being a radiation of Goodness. Not that you practically Liked being known as the “Golden girl” Everyone always expects perfection from you. perfect grades, perfect hair, perfect attitude.

and 2/3 wasn’t so bad. in your opinion. you were hardly ever Cross Or rude. and your hair was always in perfect condition- mainly because you give it a quick braid then off you go. your grades.. well they weren’t perfect but no one believes you when you say your barely passed History. 

you didn’t hang out with Eddie often he was in the wrong group of friends to hang with. not that they were bad. but your friends and his don’t Mix. ever. It was in history class that you decided earlier this year to mix it up. and Not partner up with your friends and Sit with Eddie. who always had trouble in History and didn’t have a single friend in the class. Everyone thought you were just taking Pitty on him. but truthfully- you were hoping he could help you cause you figured he was better in History than you were. you were wrong. 

 A Few weeks passed and you and Eddie always cracked jokes and became friends. you even sat in during a DND game trying to figure it out. you didn’t understand the game fully but their imagination in Eddie came up with these Adventures. it was breathtaking and you suggested he writes. that he was an excellent storyteller. Eddie just blushed to say Nah but secretly he couldn’t get that idea out of his head. he hasn’t had anyone compliment him often. and normally it was just for the drugs he sold. it made his stomach flop hearing you compliment him. you might have just noticed him this year. but Eddie’s has known you for your first grade. you use to wear your hair in pigtails and when Justin a Dick in your grade started shoving you. you Pouched him in the throat. it surprised him someone looking almost like an Angel going for the throat. he was curious about you since. 

naturally, the curiousness turned into a crush when he grew up a bit. Always thinking you would probably marry a Senator and Be a perfect happy-go-lucky mom, who would Love her kids furiously and would be a CEO or something someday. but now that he knows you. he couldn’t help but think about All the better things you could be doing vs hanging out with him.  and a large part of his mind thinks you here for just Pitty. that all changed one afternoon when you came over to Tutor him in English and he noticed you tapping along to the Rock music he had playing. and to his surprise, he realized you knew all the lyrics. He was Done for. at that moment. he was about to ask you to marry him when his uncle came in saving him from making an ass of himself. 

     you knew that Eddie was selling drugs to Christy. you didn’t judge. you did however make sure you were outside the trailer when the exchange happened. denial probability because if your dad knew. he would Kill you! and Not just a mercy Kill. he would Wring your neck, go on a rant for 3 hours about the dangers of drugs and how you were Never to see Eddie again. Never in your years of life. did you expect to hear Eddie scream and you bolt in to see christy floating in the air? and her bones cracking and her crumbling up. you both fled you went home and Eddie hid out. you wanted to call your dad. or the police but Eddie said they wouldn’t believe them and that you weren’t part of it. he made you swear to Go home and not talk about this to anyone. you promised. and went home. Naturally the next day everyone learned about Christy and you tried talking to your dad but he was on full alert especially when Eddie was accused of murder. 

you were at the trailer park when you noticed Nancy. you walked over as you spoke, “it’s- It’s Not Him..” 

‘what do you mean?” 

you were always friends with Nancy you were on the school paper until you had to Quit it to get a babysitting job to help pay for your car- that is always broken down. but Nancy was a friend. “I tried explaining to the Cops. But- I was there.. last night when it happened.” 

“Why didn’t you call someone?” she asked- a simple question but even you had to admit Eddie was Right who the Hell would have believed that Christy just started floating and crumpling up like a piece of paper? “I- nancy. I know you had a hand with the Mall thing- but this. This. I’m not a religious person but it was like a demon..- that was invisible. Came and crumpled her up.” 

it was then that Nancy, Dustin a kid you babysat once in a while. until was too old for a babysitter, Steve with the good hair as you always called him. and Robin jumped you and put you into their car and you all talked and you learned the fucked up history of Hawkin and about an upside world and how the DND monsters were in Hawkin. which- that one was a bit hard to believe but then you remembered how you saw a Cheerleader floating last night. and anything is possible. 

*****************************************************************************************

A few hours later you all found Eddie and we’re trying to help him hide and also help the town. 

Eddie wanted you to go home, that this wasn’t safe. but you stated you weren’t leaving until he was cleared and he could go home too. which only made his Chest squeeze. 

Steve Knew of you, he always found you adorable. Not in any romantic way you never gave him the time of day he was always kind and flirted with you- like he does everyone but you just ignored his advances but then he saw your eyes looking over at Eddie whenever he wasn’t looking, a small glance, also he heard your declaration that you wouldn’t go home until he could. and Even Steve was thrown by that. he would have never pictured you and Eddie together but clearly,, you were thinking it. and Eddie was also. he was tense and kept looking over at you. he made sure he was close so in case something popped up at them he could lunge towards you. 

Steve, Nancy,, and Robin talked about it. cause he thought he was seeing wrong. but Nancy spoke, “Oh yea I see it. they are basically eye banging each other.’ Robin chuckled as she spoke, ‘i am- that is such an odd match but so adorable we have to help them get together.” 

Steve rolled his eyes saying they had bigger things to worry about than their love life. but Nancy and Robin soon pulled you aside in the boathouse to organize thru supplies as Robin spoke, “So you and Eddie huh?” 

you look up at robin as you smiled “what about me and Eddie?” 

Robin spoke, ‘you seem close.” 

“yea we got pretty close during History this year. and well we tutor each other. were study buddies.” 

“must like him a lot too Risk life and limb for him,” Nancy stated as her face started turning red. Robin noticed and realized how adorable the blush was on you. you shook your head, “Yea- I mean were friends. I would do the same for any one of my friends.” 

Robin spoke, “sure,, and do you normally blush when asked about that?” 

you touched your face laughing weakly shaking your head, “it’s- it’s hot in here.” Nancy chuckled as she spoke, ‘you know- No one really saw me and Jonathan getting together I mean on the outside we are pretty different.” 

it clicked this chat wasn’t a chit-chat but integration on your heart. you sighed heavily. stepping closer as you spoke low, ‘even If I liked him.. come on I’m not the sort of girl he falls for. I’m not a rocker chick, and I’m not going to Greece myself and changing myself completely for Eddie. No matter how badly I want to.” 

unknown to you, Eddie was right behind you three he was going over to help but he heard the conversation and stopped in his track. hearing your confession was one thing. that he would remember for the rest of his life but hearing you didn’t think he could like someone like you. tore at him and he never wanted to see you change completely for him. Sure he wanted you to wear leather- he’s a Leather jacket whenever it was cold. or simply just to see you wearing it. 

“I wouldn’t want you to change.” 

everyone turned to Eddie as he stepped closer wishing Everyone in the boat house would leave so he could talk to you alone but this had to be said. he hated the idea of you thinking like that. “I would never want to change a single thing about you Y/N. I don’t want some Rock and roll Chick. I want you.’ 

your hands lost grip of the bag of chips you were holding as they fell to the floor stunned seeing Eddie standing there, “really?” 

“yea. I rather have you. over any girl in the world- I'm just stunned you would want me- like me. I mean- I’m not excited. Prince charming.” 

“I’ll rather have a  Knight. actually.” he chuckled hearing that remember when you were at DND night and you asked him if he was a Knight. and he said Sort of. those he wasn’t really he just liked the idea of you thinking of him as one. he smiled brightly as you smiled back as he stepped over grabbing your hands tightly. “you sure? I mean-” 

Eddie was mumbling and he’s cheeks were flushed. you smiled brightly squeezing his hands, “of course. Eddie.. you pledged my heart and head for weeks.” he chuckled as he stepped closer for that kissing you. 

[gisachi]

OMG! No.19 with my Shinran babies please! Love you!

Thank you for this number, Anons! I have a particular idea stuck in my mind for this one when I first came across the prompts list. So I’m excited to finally write it down.😆 Hope you like it! Fluffy ShinRan ahead! 💞

19. One person stopping a kiss to ask “Do you want to do this?”, only to have the other person answer with a deeper, more passionate kiss. (1,937 words)

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Among the multitudes of traits Ran admires from Shinichi, it’s his confidence that always gets her.

Ran loves the way his lips tug to an accomplished smirk whenever he completes all puzzle pieces of a baffling mystery, or the way his bright eyes glint when he quotes his most favorite lines from Holmes’ cases. She loves how easily he captivates big crowds with his proud, gallant voice, streamlining facts that would put any expert to shame. She loves how he, despite his energy, turns cool and collected when facing a crisis, because as young as he is he knows how to make judgments better than any adult ever can.

She loves him like that. And she loves him even more when he’s like that, to her.

She remembers the first time he held her hand as his girlfriend during their walk home from school — he was all smiles and charm with no hint of reluctance in his eyes. The same way whenever he presses his forehead against hers to check her temperature, or when he tucks her loose locks behind her ear on her stead. He doesn’t hesitate stroking his fingers on the corner of her lips to remove grains of rice stuck on them whenever they dine out, only to eat them afterwards and laughing at how red she’ll be from that.

In those gestures, it’s like he’s teaching her how to be physically comfortable with him. Which she does learn so easily. She likes it. It makes her feel the legitimacy of their relationship. They’re not only best friends but two human beings who love each other and find comfort in each other’s physical closeness.

But as much as she feels his confidence translating through these gestures, there’s one thing he hasn’t done.

He has never kissed her.

This dawned on her when she notices how his face only goes as far as touching her nose when he presses their foreheads together, though her lips are out in the open. That, and when he drops her home after a date, he’ll get really close and it’s ridiculous how her eyes flutter in anticipation for a kiss but he won’t; instead he’ll just squeeze her hand and say his goodbye.

He’s never kissed her.

Not even an attempt.

She doesn’t know what to feel about it.

“Is there something wrong?”

Shinichi slumps beside her on the bed, body nestling comfortably albeit the worried expression he wears. She remembers they’re in her room doing homework, a routine they have after class, which they do alternately between his house and hers.

Earlier, she told Shinichi she’ll lie down for a moment, and judging by how he follows her five minutes after she said that, she figures her somber tone must’ve bugged him.

“Are you sick?”

Ran vigorously shakes her head, and it looks like she’s answering him but in truth she’s veering her brain away from her silly thoughts, embarrassed by where it has drifted to.

Notwithstanding that, he presses his forehead against hers like how he usually does. Even if he’s done this a thousand times, she still can’t help but blush.

“Weird. You aren’t.” Shinichi remarks, voice evident of concern.

“Like I said.”

“You didn’t say anything.”

He observes her for a little longer, caressing her cheek with slow strokes of his thumb, handsome blue eyes serious, unyielding.

This is embarrassing.

His face is only inches away and her breath hitches, unsure of where she must look but in the end settles for his eyes, which stare right at her like he’s seeing through her soul, reading her thoughts.

Then, Shinichi closes in and goes for it.

On the lips.

Ran releases a surprised ‘mpfh’ right when he presses on her, and her temperature begins to rise like she’s truly in a fever.

Even with the littlest movement of his mouth over hers, she feels like she’s going to pass out from the drastic temperature change in her body.

His lips are so red, so warm.

She can’t breathe. She can’t move. She can’t—!

He pulls back.

Ran dumbly looks at him, shaken by the entire feeling of them lying on her bed and him suddenly giving her a kiss. A kiss which, though abrupt, is enough to unleash all the butterflies trapped in her belly.

Shinichi just kissed her.

On her lips!

But...

“I-...” he withholds his words, eyes wide, as if startled by his own actions. The hand framing her cheek quivers.

Something isn’t right.

Something‘s bothering him.

Unsure of what she’s done wrong, she touches his cheek, only for him to flinch beneath her fingertips.

“Shinichi…?” Her voice quivers, too.

The look in his eyes before he captured her lips was so sure. Now, he gazes at her like he’s having second thoughts; eyes lidded with delicate love and affection but behind them lie badges of uncertainty.

She doesn’t like it.

All his life he’s been so confident of his choices, but why, now, does he seem to doubt giving what she secretly anticipates from him for the longest time?

“I uh… I’m sorry I-...I might’ve been rushing, I just...crap,” he hides his reddened cheeks with his back hand, averting his gaze away.

Wait.

No.

If she pays close attention to the stillness of the room, she can hear his erratic heartbeat thumping mercilessly against his ribcage.

If she observes his face carefully, she can count each drop of sweat dotting his forehead.

The more he speaks the more he jumbles up his consonants.

All of these he desperately tries to conceal with his hands but it isn’t working because they, too, shiver like it’s winter.

It’s not that he’s doubting.

He’s…

“Do you want to...do this?”

Ran blinks her doe-like eyes at his question, and in that instant he flits his nervous eyes back at her.

His Adam’s apple bobs as he swallows, voice muffled by his hand.

“I mean we can…not, like, if you’re not read-”

Silly boy.

Removing his hand from his face, she silences him with a press of her lips on his.

What do you mean I’m not ready?

Torrents of emotion brew inside her as she recreates his kiss from earlier, though instead of making it brief, she does it longer.

You’ve prepared me enough—it’s about time.

She doesn’t expect him to get flustered at this. After all, he’s Shinichi. But like all other guys whose knees get weak when they receive a heartfelt kiss from their love, his whole resolve collapses, dissolves through his fingertips, as though she’s absorbing all of that from him and he’s letting it.

Wow. The power her kiss has over him.

Nothing can get any better than this.

However.

It is one thing to kiss, but another to be good at it. Though she surges on him with so much passion, she finds herself...stuck.

Does she move? Where does she place her hands?

She plants awkward kisses along his mouth, and with every passing second the confidence she mustered begins to wane.

She’s horrible. Pathetic.

He must be hating this.

“Ran.”

Shinichi breaks away, stares at her for what seems like forever.

She waits for him to laugh, but he doesn’t.

Instead, he guides her hand to his nape, cradles her jaw and smiles, “May I?”, before pulling her to meet her mouth and kiss her again.

It might be his confidence regained or a natural talent, but the way he delivers is magical. Heavenly. “Like this,” his voice comes out breathy, as he leads her mouth to a specific motion over his. Oh god. She feels as though she ascends the skies, floats above the clouds, flies with the birds with every brush of lips. It doesn’t take long until their mouths dance in perfect rhythm, lips melding comfortably like melting iron.

This is...surreal.

The bed shifts and suddenly she’s facing the ceiling instead of sideways, his upper body hovering above her. His tentative kisses become more decisive, more characteristic of him, and they fill her body with outrageous warmth as he punctuates every kiss with a soft, wet sound, and she cannot filter her next actions so she hums in his mouth, silently.

His lips are like strong armors, clashing against hers so powerfully and she’s willing to lose. The way he grazes his tongue over her inner lip makes every fine hair on her skin tingle, and she sighs in bliss as he delicately tilts her head in an angle more comfortable to them and albeit faintly, he moans.

Everything around her disappears, it’s just him and her, being intimate like this. Being more intimate than ever.

A sudden bite on her lower lip however jolts her and she opens her dazed eyes to see him with his shut tight, brows creased in concentration, his full undivided attention to her, kissing her with an intensity greater than the heat of a thousand suns and it’s...ridiculous. Ridiculous how mad her heart beats at how frustratingly handsome he looks. How her ears flush and cheeks flare up at how foreign they sound. How her vision blurs and blurs until she can no longer keep her eyes open and just fall, deep into his embrace, into his lips, surrendering her will slowly, sweetly…

His mouth leaves her with a quiet pop, weight above her lessening a little.

She cannot open her eyes, but she finds herself lifting her head, wanting to feel his lips again. At this point, it’s already a crime to stop.

“Ran?” He sounds croaky, and she doesn’t realize how dry her throat has become until she replies with an equally hoarse ‘Hn?’

Why are you stopping? Don’t!

“...Your father might kill me if he sees us like this on your bed.”

Her eyes open, reality kicking in.

She’s not in the clouds. They’re still in her room.

“Ah... you-you’re right!”

Shock and embarrassment pass over her face, realizing how much her body reacted to him like it had never reacted to anything before. Her heart rate refuses to slow down.

Oh my god. We just...

He chuckles lightly, pulls her up until she’s sitting Japanese-style on her bed.

They share a minute-long silence, allowing themselves to absorb what just happened, before he starts.

“Hey, Ran.”

“Yes?!” she squeaks, a complete opposite from Shinichi’s tone. She wants to slap herself for sounding too hyper from still being so hung up on the intense kiss they just shared.

“We’ll um, take it slow, okay?”

He soothes her with a cold but steady hand, and she feels herself gradually calming down.

“We’ll take it slow if we’re going to do more of, um... that, from now on.” He mumbles the last part of the sentence, scratching his cheek shyly, averting his gaze again like a bashful boy that he apparently is.

Shinichi stuttering, blushing, being a shy mess.

A sight she doesn’t know she needs.

“...Yes,” her lips tilt with her head, “Yes, of course,” before they widen into an adorable beam. “Then, please take care of me, Shinichi!”

His face flushes once again, more crimson than he’s ever been.

Shinichi may not know it, but Ran will always admire Shinichi for his confidence.

But seeing him like this - being a vulnerable, nervous, mess of a man - is a different story, as she realizes how she wants to see more of this, too.

Maybe tomorrow.

Maybe the day after that.

Maybe, for the rest of their lives.

After a little moment of sharing shy giggles, he stands up, extending his hand to her. “Let’s finish homework?”

She nods, takes his hand. “Okay.”

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[deans-baby-momma]

Mommy’s (Not So) Good Girl-20

A/N: Only 5 more chapters after this one and GREAT NEWS!!!Only 5 more day of September so I will be posting a chapter a day until Sept. 30th. Then I am going on a small hiatus (again) to try and cope with this new “illness” and all it’s lovely side effects. 

I look at Dean wide-eyed as my mom’s voice sounds through the door. He jumps off the bed and I quickly crawl back under my comforter, pulling it up to my chest. 

“Yea Mom,” Abby says, her voice shaking. “Come on in.”

Mom opens the door and I can tell when she realizes that Dean is in my room. She looks at him shocked and stops halfway in.

“What are you doing in here?” she asks him.

“I wanted to make sure she was okay. I saw a dispute between her and that Coleman boy. I wanted to find out what that was about,” Dean explains and it looks as though my Mom buys it because she smiles sweetly at him and then continues on into my room.

“That’s sweet of him, isn’t it Abs?”

“Ye-yea,” I stutter out. “He’s a good stepdad.”

“Can I have a few minutes with her?” My mom asks as she looks at Dean. He nods and heads out the door, looking back over his shoulder at me once he is behind her. 

“What’s up Mom?” I ask as soon as he is out of sight.

“I just wanted to say I’m sorry that your friend couldn’t make it tonight.”

“Huh?” I ask, confused.

“Your friend who you call ‘Daddy’.” she says, with a wiggle of her eyebrows. “You did invite him, didn’t you?” 

“Oh. Yea, I called him but he had to work,” I lie through my teeth. “It’s okay. It’s no big deal.”

“It was nice of Dean to give you a kiss at midnight though, wasn’t it?” she asks as she sits in the very same spot he had taken just ten minutes ago. “He really watches out for you and Ben. I think he’d make an excellent stepdad.” She pauses and then adds, “and a wonderful dad.”

I feel sick to my stomach! Is she insinuating what I think she is?!

“Mom, are you pregnant?”

“What?” she laughs as she answers. “No. I’m not pregnant. But the thought has crossed my mind. Dean lost so much when his brother died. He is the last living member of his immediate family. I just think it’d be nice to give him someone to carry on the Winchester name.”

‘Oh my god!’ I think to myself. ‘Mom is actually considering carrying Dean’s child! No, no no!’

“Yea, that would be nice. But-” I pause to be able to word my inquiry correctly. “Does Dean want kids? I mean sure he is awesome with me and with Ben but does he want his own?”

“I don’t know,” Mom says. “But if it were to happen, he’d have to be happy about it, right?”

“Mom, you cannot get pregnant without talking about it with him first.”

Mom sighs and then her shoulders slump. “Yea, you’re right. What was I thinking?!”

I breathe in relief that it seems that she has decided to forgo her plan of “accidentally” getting pregnant. 

I couldn't go to sleep after Mom dropped that bombshell. 

What was she thinking?! Did she actually believe Dean would be happy if she were to get pregnant? Would he? I know for a fact that they use protection, so he is trying not to knock her up right?

During Thanksgiving I had found an empty condom wrapper in her trashcan as I was gathering up the garbage in the house so I knew Dean, at least, had been thorough and had wrapped up.

I lay in bed,  staring up at the ceiling,  trying my best not to think of Dean impregnating my mother. That would just be so wrong!

Hopefully I talked some sense into her and she won't proceed with her nefarious and outrageous plan. I can only hope that if she were to get pregnant that it is after some honest discussion with the man and that he was on board with the idea as well.

Although, I don't think Dean is actually ready to settle down and have his own family.

Yes, he a excellent role model for Ben and the whole neighborhood thinks he and Mom are perfect for each other, they don't know he's also fucking me. Not so ideal now, is he?

VALENTINE'S DAY

Once again the campus is inundated with decorations. Big, red floating hearts seem to be posted everywhere, along with cutouts of that stupid baby with the bow and arrow and balloons seemingly come out of nowhere, getting right in the way.

Why college students insist on celebrating this holiday is beyond me. It's just another excuse to get drunk and try to bang someone. So many of my classmates throughout the last couple of years have had to pull back on their studies or completely drop out because a good Valentine romp ended up with a nice little surprise come Thanksgiving; a surprise in the form of a cute little baby.

I refuse to be one of those girls who get so blindly drunk she succumbs to the lame attempts by fellow college guys and 9 months later, alone and with a child to care for.

I swat away at the millionth red bag of air as my phone pings in my hand.  I look at the screen and smile when I see 'Daddy' has sent me a message.

>Happy Valentine's Day sweetheart 

>>Happy Valentine's Day Daddy. I miss you.

>God, I miss you too. My party was boring without you here.

Mom had thrown Dean a surprise birthday party at the end of January but I'd had a big exam to prep for so I couldn't make it home to attend.

>>I'm sorry. I had to study. I'll make it up to you, I promise. 

>How about today? Right now?

>>Now?

>Look up.

My head jerks up and there he is! I look around and my eyes fall on that black muscle car I remember from my childhood. The one that's been parked in the garage at home for months; Dean's excuse to spend time with Ben fixing it up and keeping it running.

Leaning against the top of the shiny ebony vehicle is the man who plagues my dreams, at night and during the day.  The way the sun shines creates a flawless glow around his head, almost like a halo. I smile as I cross the street toward him.

"What are you doing here?" I can’t help but to ask, but secretly giddy that he is here.

"Couldn't let today pass by without seeing you Abby. Thought you might allow me to take you to lunch, show me around your 'home away from home'," he says as I step toward him and he opens his arms. I gladly walk right into his embrace,  moving my books to one arm. 

I want to tiptoe and kiss him but I don't want anyone seeing anything that would raise questions, inquiries I didn't want to answer. Right now,  a hug looks innocent. Just a guy hugging a girl in greeting.

“Sure,” I say as I smile up at him. “I was just gonna drop my books off in my room and then go to the food cart down the way. C’mon.”

As we walk toward my dorm, I can’t help but feel special, feel important. Dean took the day to come an hour away to see me, on the day of love no less. Wait, does that mean what I think it means? Is there a more significant reason he is here? Is he here to declare feelings for me? 

I shake those thoughts from my head, determined not to question his visit but just enjoy it. So what if he drove almost 70 miles? He does it because he cares. Nothing more than that. I’m not going to scrutinize it; no, I’m going to enjoy the few hours I get to spend with the man. What’s that old saying, ‘don't look a gift horse in the mouth’? Yea I’m not going to do that.

When we get my dorm room, I unlock the door and walk in, holding it open so he can follow. Thank goodness Sheila isn’t here because I really don’t want to share any time I get to spend with Dean with anyone else. For a few hours today, he is mine.

Placing my books on my desk, I turn to see Dean looking around the room with his head nodding slightly. 

“So, you want to go with me to the food cart or-” I say nervously. Wait, why the hell am I nervous? Oh yea, that’s right; there is a bed not even 5 feet away and the man I have dreamed of being in that bed right there. My dream could actually come through. Getting back on track, I clear my throat. “-we could go to the cafe across campus. It’s a bit of a walk but it’s decent outside today. You know, for the middle of February in the north.”

“Yea we can do that baby,” he says with a smirk. “As soon as you tell me what’s wrong. You’re acting all shifty. Should I have called first? Do you have a date for Valentine’s Day?” He quirks and eyebrow at me.

I giggle and respond. “Uh, no.  No date. Just you’re in my room. And my bed is-” I explain as I point toward the furniture. “-is right here. I’ve dreamed of you and me in that bed, ya know.”

Dean steps closer and I can see the humor of the situation on his face. “And? What are we doing in the bed?”

I feel a flush come up my neck. Why am I embarrassed now? It’s not like we haven’t done it. “Fucking,” I answer honestly, which earns me a wide smile from the man in front of me.

“Well, how long will your roommate be gone?”

“Couple hours, I think.”

“Okay, so what do you say we go grab a bite to eat and then come back and make those dreams come true?”

Finally feeling bold again, I rip my sweater over my head and say, “Why wait?”

Dean hurriedly jerks his shirt off and I watch in awe. He unbuttons his jeans and pulls them down his legs before standing up again. This man is going to be the death of me.

“I need you Abby,” is all he says before I rush him, tackling him to the mattress.

@lostinaseaoffictionalbliss​ @spnbaby-67​ @tftumblin​ @sea040561​ @delightfullykrispypeach​ @larajadeschmidt13​ @vicariouslythruspn​ @squirrelnotsam​ @death-unbecomes-you​ @sandlee44​ @blacktithe7​ @deanwanddamons​ @hoboal87​ @marvelfanbrenda​ @vicmc624​ @smoothdogsgirl​ @elliloumom @stoneyggirl​  @kricketc29​

[perseusjackson-jasongrace]

Angst 1 for Jason? I'm feeling like some sad lightning boi I dont know why but ye

Hello darling Anon! Thanks for the prompt and I hope I did you well🥺 dis is hella angsty

Jercy Masterlist

Jason Grace doesn't have enough fingers to list how many things he's done wrong in the last month.

1. Losing his best friend

2.Losing his girlfriend

3.Being unable to help all the demigod's he's promised

4.Letting Reyna down by not coming back to SPQR

5.Dammit he can't even put on his fucking shirt the right way.

Holding in a scream he tugs it off and flips it so the tag is on the inside. He's proud of himself for not ditching clothing altogether, ditching life altogether. There is so much temptation in taking to the skies and floating for the rest of his days. It's not like anyone would miss him, would even notice he was gone. And maybe it's for the best. It certainly wouldn't be unexpected. For years he's wanted to be anonymous, just another one of the Campers. For years he's secretly rejected his titles as Son of Jupiter, Praetor of New Rome, Slayer of the Black Throne. He shouldn't complain now that he's ignored, unwanted.

There's a knock at his cabin that he pulls him out of his self-deprecating pity hour. Checking to make sure he has his pants and shirt on and his head firmly on his neck he grabs his sword and opens the door.

"Jason!" Will Solace gasps, "Please come it's Nico!"

His heart turns to stone, lungs become useless masses, "Let's go." He manages to breathe, "Brief me on the way."

They sprint through the camp, uncaring of the shouts and greetings coming from every side. They don't have time. It seems ever since they had defeated Kronos the clocks spin uncontrollably; hours are seconds and minutes only exist in the afternoon and nobody knows if one week is seven days or three blinks of an eye, if years are twelve months or a century.

"A breach at the west border. Monsters we've never seen before. They just snuck up on us. Nico's been raising the dead to fight but I'm afraid he's not strong enough yet. Not after the war. He'll burn out soon and they'll overwhelm him." Will gasps.

"How many?"

"Twenty maybe twenty five?"

"You call anyone else?"

The Son of Apollo shakes his head as they sprint around the corner, "Percy is in school he only arrives tomorrow. Clarisse is gone to visit her mom and there's so many Campers in the infirmary. The rest are the little ones."

"How fa—" Jason beholds the scene in front of him and every nerve in his body shut down.

There in the middle of skeletal warriors and black shadows is Nico Di Angelo. All around them are scaly four-legged vipers hissing and spitting. One opens its grossly enormous jaw and snaps it around a skeleton with a sickening crunch. Another skeleton pops up in the exact same place and with a rattling, he supposes is a scream, attacks the monster.

"NICO!" Will screams, trying to catch his boyfriend's attention.

The Son of Hades although dangerously powerful is grey and heaving as if the sheer force of his summonings are turning his own body to it's bony structure.

"Go!" Will shouts at him.

With a nod, Jason pulls his sword out and steps into the ring of the dead.

Gods these things are a hundred times more terrifying up close. Sharp teeth and poisoned spikes on their tales and oh gods jagged claws to top it all off. But he's fought armies before and survived. This will not deter him. So with the force of Zeus and the strategies of Jupiter flowing through his muscles he brings his sword down on the first creature.

It shrieks and his ears ring like a bell clanging in his skull. But the head thumps to the ground and the monster crumbles to dust.

Decapitation then.

He sidesteps the swish of a tail, chopping it off as it goes past. First mistake. Three tails grow back and he knows one drop of poison will be enough to end him. He vaults into the air using the wind to push him as high as possible and then he's slamming in the body of the creature and sawing at its head.

His foot slams into the ground as the monster powders underneath him. Second mistake. His ankle is broken and there's three more of these things advancing towards him.

He bites down a scream as he attempts to walk. It's no use. Stand here and fight it is. Summoning as much lightning as he can, blue eyes sparking maliciously, he looks directly into the first of them and slams five thousand volts of electricity into its brain. Before he knows it's dead he's onto the next. This time he bides his time, let's it come closer and when he can hear its ugly breathing and feel its lack of heat he stabs his sword into its neck and watches it bleed black.

The third monster is clever, it's learnt. But Jason doesn't know. So he gathers all his strength and waits for it to pounce. By now Nico is a few meters away, holding his own but pale beyond healthy. The monster shakes its body, scales rippling in the afternoon sun. It takes one step closer. Jason grips his sword, holds the power thrumming in his fingers. The monster moves again and he swears its smiling.

He turns to Nico, "You good?"

Third mistake. The monster let's out a vile screech and slams into them.

"NICO!" Someone screams. It sounds like Percy Jackson. But that can't be right. Percy is in school.

The creature's tail swipes at the Son of Hades.

Jason can't move as it's claws wrap around his throat.

I can't do anything right, he thinks. Those talons pierce his skin. The world goes black.

***

"He's a fucking idiot."

"Lay off. How was he supposed to know?"

"Maybe if he wasn't so caught up in trying to make friends he would have been able to do something."

"Leave him alone."

"Alright you lot, get out of here. I'll call you when he's awake."

Jason tries to open his eyes, tries to say something, anything. But he feels a prick in his neck and reality fades away.

***

"Is he awake?"

"How long does this take?"

"He had a broken ankle and a slit throat. Maybe a little patience is in order?"

"I still think we should send him back."

"That's enough! It wasn't his fault and we will stop acting like it.".

The Son of Jupiter groans, blinking into the world. Everything hurts. Everything. And the light above his head is blinding.

"What the hell happened?" He rasps.

"You almost got Nico killed is what!" Someone snaps.

He blinks trying to find the source of such bitterness. "I what?"

"What the fuck were you trying to do saying hi in the middle of battle?"

The room finally shifts into focus and he sees three faces staring at him intently, varying degrees of anger and relief in their expressions.

"Well?" Hazel looks at him, "What were you trying to accomplish? Were you actively trying to get him killed? I know you didn't trust him but trying to kill him Jason? I thought you got passed that after Cupid. Nico told me he trusted you."

"Hazel!" Percy Jackson glares at her.

"I'm—" He chokes, "I'm sorry. I just wanted to make sure he was okay. I— I didn't know the monster would try to get both of us." He's crying now, red hot tears spilling onto the white sheets of the infirmary bed.

"That's the problem Grace, you don't think." There is so much pain in her voice.

"Im sorry," He sobs, "Is he okay? Is he— is he—"

"He is fine Jason," Will says softly, "He managed to jump back before the tail swiped him. He's actually really worried about you. We all are."

He doesn't know what to say to that. He doesn't even know if he deserves that. Hazel is right. If he hadn't distracted Nico they wouldn't be in this situation. It was dumb luck that Nico managed to get out of the way. If he hadn't. Oh gods, Jason would have been responsible for killing his friend.

With that though he turns over in his bed and heaves straight into the trashcan.

"Everyone leave us." Percy's voice is soft, but there is an unmistakable command in it.

The buzzing of the infirmary hushes as people file out and Will gently clicks the door behind him.

"I didn't meant to distract him," Jason cries.

The Son of Poseidon clasps their hands together and looks into him, "I know Jase. I know."

He breaks down, sobs wracking his aching body. He can't even keep his head up. And the tears are ever flowing. He can't breathe, he can't breathe, he can't do this.

Percy hops onto the bed and takes him into his arms. They sit there for many moments, the sound of his crying disrupting every inch of the silence.

"I can't do this anymore Percy."

He feels the demigod stiffen and he's afraid he said too much, has pushed another person away. But then his head is being tilted up by a soft hand and he's looking into oceans.

"Tell me what's wrong."

"There is no-one left and I cannot do this alone."

Something sparks in those emerald green eyes.

"You have never been alone Jason Grace. When the world is dust and the gods can once again become mortal, you will find that only one thing still exists."

"What— what is that?" He hiccups.

"Love. You cannot be alone if you have love."

His eyes pool with tears, fall to the floor, "Lies. There is no love."

"You have forgotten my friend what it feels like. And that is no one's fault but ours. We should have been there. Should have helped you, seen the signs. I should have known."

"Why you?"

"Because I know what it's like to have everything you've never wanted and bear the burden anyway. And when I left I added to yours. I'm sorry for that. I got selfish, wanted to know what it was like to live. But that meant you suffered."

"It's not your fault. I just thought I was stronger than I am."

"You are strong. You are so strong because you are still here. You took the nature of the gods and made it your own. Took the burden of everyone in these camps and carried it on your shoulders."

"Thank you," He mumbles, getting lost in the seas, "For saying that. When did you get so philosophical and wise?"

Percy cracks a grin at that, "After Tartarus I started going to therapy. I think you should too."

He mulls it over, flips the idea around in his mind, "Okay."

"And maybe..." The black haired boy pauses, "Maybe you should come with me to Montauk for the winter holidays. I think you could use a break from all the hero stuff."

"Really?" His eyes widen, staring at his friend.

"Really. Annabeth is in Cali to spend time with her dad and my mom and Paul are just going to spend some time at home with Estelle. I could use company."

"Won't you dad like blast me for being in his territory?"

"I'll talk to him," He smirked.

"Okay. That would be great!"

Percy gives him another squeeze and then jumps to the floor.

"Rest easy Grace."

"Jackson," He stops the demigod in his tracks, "Thank you for this. I needed it."

"We are alive Grace, and we are enough." Those green eyes are intense, filled with emotion. "Remember that."

Jason nods and when he finally succumbs to sleep once more, his soul takes a deep breathe and exhales a new beginning.

[chxseungyoun]

lee jeno 《 dial 143 ♡

pairing: reader x cupid! jeno ft. dreamies

genre: au, fluff, supernatural.

words: 6.8K

author’s note: the longest i have written tbh. It took me three weeks to finish this. ;;

Jeno was a junior cupid. See, in the cupid community, before you get to the honorary level of actually matchmaking people, you have to go through some training. Cupids who end up missing the criteria receive grave punishments and that is why Eros, the leader of all cupids decided to implement such training. Jeno was not necessarily fond of the idea of being trained before he could actually do what he was designed for. To him, he much preferred to just go about and help soulmates fall in love with one another but that was just not the case.

He even tried to beg his mentor, Jaehyun, to try and convince the higher ranks to let him skip out on this training. Jaehyun was firm about it however, that it was necessary for all junior cupids to go through it before they become full-pledged cupids. Without seeing a gleam of hope, Jeno just went along with it.

There were numerous trainings offered for junior levels. Some were more for the theoretical practice of matchmaking while the others are more hands on. Jeno was classified for the hands on option by Jaehyun. He always knew that Jeno was popular with his fellow trainees but not as much with actual human beings.

This is why he was sent down to earth to host a radio station which focused on love struggles by the listeners. This was not Jeno’s cup of tea but did he actually have a choice. Luckily enough, the radio station was owned by Jaehyun who just like any other cupid, can take form of a normal human. Meaning without their wings and all that.

Jeno was already dreading having to talk to humans to listen about their dilemmas because he thought that as soon as you had fates met and love arrows shot then your job was done. Apparently, he had more to find about how their job actually works,

To add onto it, Jeno had to work with another human manning the broadcasting station. His name was Jaemin, and he was quite the charmer or so it may seem. All the female staff in the station would literally fall down in a love trance for him. Jeno would only watch at it, if they only knew that this boy already has been doused with a love shot from one of his fellow cupids, Chenle.

“Welcome to the Dream Station! My name’s Jaemin but you can call me Nana.” Jaemin smiled as he offered a hand towards Jeno who reluctantly shook with it.

“Thank you.” Jeno bowed before taking his seat across from Jaemin.

“So this is your first time as a disc jockey, right?” He smiles warmly at the skeptical Jeno.

“Yeah. I never actually expected to be doing this…but here we are.” He responded in half honesty.

Jaemin could see that Jeno was a bit standoffish but he did not take that into offense. He just thought that since this was Jeno’s first that he may be a bit nervous with it. Surprisingly, he was considerate. One of the key points of why females were so attracted to him.

“You know our job isn’t that simple. We have to somehow connect to the hearts of the listeners and sometimes place ourselves in their shoes.” Jaemin noted as Jeno tried to feign like he had been listening. He already knew this from his training so he did not see the need to hear it all over again.

“Sure. Jaehyun—hyung, told me to be your shadow for the mean time.” He tried to say calmly and when he glanced from the other side of the studio, the older male just gave him a thumbs up.

The rest of the hour, Jaemin explained to Jeno the concept of the radio show. They would be receiving calls from the listeners and they would share them secrets and problems that they would need advice with. However, it was a live broadcast as well so you can both listen from the radio station or watch from the internet. He gave Jeno a small warning that he needs to muster his facial expressions so he wouldn’t intimidate the viewers.

“Do I really have to?” Jeno asked as he glanced at the camera that was being set up in front of them.

“Don’t be nervous! With your looks, I think you’ll instantly be liked by the public.” Jaemin smiled as he prepared the script for today’s show.

Then began the show. It had the usual sappy love music being played at the start before Jaemin introduced himself as well as Jeno, as the new member of the station.

You were more of a viewer than a listener so you decided to watch through their website. You could see the amount of heart bubbles floating on the screen when they zoomed in on Jeno. You had to admit that he did look handsome, almost angelic if you were honest. However, your attention had always been focused on the original host of the show, Jaemin.

You two went to school together and lucky enough, he was in almost all your classes. You believed the heavens shined upon you by doing so but the problem is, Jaemin probably only sees you as someone who he would just have to see while he was still in school. You basically had a crush on someone who probably never cared for your existence.

Ring Ring Ring

 You were brought back to reality when you heard that familiar tone. It was time for their call segment which was just conveniently named Dial 143 or Dial I Love You. It was one of your favorite parts since you get to see Jaemin’s perspective about love and you can picture yourself being in those situations with him. You knew it was a bit delusional of you to do so but anyone can dream, right?

“Since our DJ Jeno here is a bit new. We’ll have him listen to the usual love struggles first before we let him take on his own call, okay? I hope you guys would understand. I know you all are excited to hear him too.” Jaemin smiled at the camera and you could just feel your heart jump out.

You did not even realize that slight grimace Jeno did when Jaemin spoke. Your attention was all set on the latter.

The show proceeded with Jaemin responding to a problem about a girl falling in love with someone who she cannot have or she was not destined for. Jaemin explained that sometimes, if you work hard, they would be able to notice your efforts too.

As Jeno listened, he could tell that Jaemin did not know a single thing about cupid’s work. Well, how could he when he was just a normal human being. He then interjected in call which caused surprised around the studio. “It doesn’t happen like that.”

“Oh? Then how does it happen?” The intrigued Jaemin asked Jeno.

“When somebody does not fall in love with you the same way you did, then it’s most likely that you didn’t get sh---“ before he could continue the sentence with being shot by an arrow, he saw Jaehyun’s warning look from across the studio. “You didn’t get the right person for you. You are destined for someone who can make you happier. Not just some crush you develop out of physical looks.” He sighed softly and the studio was quiet.

The dry air only got disrupted when they heard a bell. That bell was usually the signal when there is a massive likes received from the online streaming. Jaemin gave the latter a warm smile before glancing at the camera. “You all liked Jeno’s answer, didn’t you? You’re a natural.”

Jeno was about to say something to retort back but decided to hold his tongue. The show went on and Jeno seems to be catching up with the show’s gist. Soon, it ended and the team were reading through the comments. Everybody seems to be delighted by the new addition but only one comment still focused on Jaemin. You were not as easily swayed like the other viewers after all.

“She has always been such a loyal fan of Jaemin. We always thought he had a secret girlfriend because of that.” Jaehyun commented as he gave Jaemin a pat on the shoulder.

“It’s always nice to read some of these but I’m already dating someone. You know that, hyung.” Jaemin grinned at the older male.

Jeno just watched their little exchange of affection and proceeded to read more of the comments. He realized that they actually provided good feedback that can help a cupid perform better and he may have secretly jotted some notes.

With the show ending, Jaehyun decided to take Jeno out for some dinner. He took him to one of his favorite Japanese stores. This was the first time Jeno would get to experience food from the human world and he was slightly thrilled for it.

“They’re better cooks here than in the clouds.” Jaehyun said as he pushed the bowl towards the younger’s direction.

“You’re becoming too human yourself, hyung.” Jeno commented which only garnered a cold silence from the older.

“Jeno.”

“Yes?”

“Do you know cupids can fall for humans too? A rare occurrence, however, still plausible.” He smiled as he watched the younger male give him a confused expression.

“Why is this…important to know?” Jeno asked as he waited for a response.

“You may never know when you will be able to encounter that too. This is more of a warning than just a random fact, Jeno. It’s more difficult not to fall in love with a human…plus, we take heartbreaks worse than humans do.”

“You wouldn’t need to warn me because for sure….

 … I will never fall in love with a human being.”

 The following days, with Jaehyun’s help, Jeno managed to get into the same school as Jaemin did. Jeno insisted that he preferred to just stay at the radio station but Jaehyun insisted otherwise.

As soon as he stepped foot in the school, everybody crowded around him. It was not surprising that the girls who watched the streams religiously would instantly know who he was.

“You must be the popular new kid!” A foreign exchange student who introduced himself as Renjun approached Jeno. Seeing as he was not threatening to maul over him like the other girls, Jeno decided to keep this person close…for protection.

“This school is wild. Back at home, we just studied and that was about it.” Jeno said as he walked down the hallway with Renjun.

“Well you surely got popular here so maybe that’s why.” The smaller boy mentioned as he looked back at the crowd that was following behind them.

“I don’t want popularity. I just wanna do my job in peace.” Jeno sighed softly. He knew Renjun would assume that it was probably the DJ job, but in fact, he could just feel the tingle of wanting to be the cupid that he was bred to be.

Deep in thought, he failed to notice that he was walking straight into a person. You too had no idea that there were a pair of people walking towards your way since you were so focused on the fanfic you were reading about Jaemin and an original character made by one of your friends.

Being clumsy, you felt yourself being pushed back when you were supported by someone by the waist. When you looked behind you, your whole body froze. You were suddenly in Jaemin’s arms, even if his eyes were far off from you.

“Jeno, you should be careful around the hallways. You end up hitting angels off guard.” Jaemin chuckled as he watched Jeno rubbing his rib where your forehead hit.

“What angel? She was the one who wasn’t looking in front of her.” Jeno glanced at you and even if he was right, you did not want him to be.

“As a guy, you should be the one more careful.” You argued with him, almost forgetting the fact that Jaemin was just right behind you and that he even called you an angel.

“This…is exactly why you’re single.” Jeno sighed and walked off with Renjun trailing behind him.

You huffed loudly at his remarks. Who was he to say that and how would he even know that? You were about to follow about this complete stranger to tell him off when you realized that Jaemin was just watching you with a crooked smile on his face.

“T-thank you for catching me.” You quickly bowed towards him, keeping your head low to avoid further embarrassment.

“No biggie. Sorry, on behalf of Jeno. He can be a bit gruff sometimes…” Jaemin smiled before waving off and heading to another direction.

You could feel your heart thumping hard against your chest. Despite your possible new hate for the new boy, he got you the chance to be able to talk to Jaemin. Now, he probably knows you exist.

The week has gone by and Jeno just got more popular. This was not something he actually enjoyed. Most of his time in school is now spent in him hiding from people whenever he could. It just so happened that when you got to the rooftop of the school to practice on your sketches, he literally held a mop in front of you in defense position.

“Why are you following me?”

“Get a life. You are not my type.”  You rolled your eyes at him and went towards your usual spot in the rooftop.

He just watched you with his eyes as he kept a reasonable distance away from you. He just wanted his solemnity and if he had to get it with you at the farthest side, he would take it without any hesitation.

The two of you had a very strange atmosphere. It was a little bit heavy at first but soon, you both forgot one another’s presence and just went by like you were usually accustomed to.

“You know he’s not gonna like you.” Jeno suddenly murmured as he peeked over your shoulder just to see you sketching Jaemin’s side profile.

You were about to flip your sketchbook when you heard his voice but you did not want to throw you art away. When he  gave you a confused expression, you decided just to inch away from him.

“Did nobody teach you that it’s rude just to come up behind people?” Your brows were knitted together and he just shrugged.

“Doesn’t change the fact that he’s not gonna like you.” Jeno said as he took a seat a few spaces away from you.

“How would you know?”

“I know.”

“Did he tell you something?” You suddenly turned your attention to him and hr he just shook his head.

“If he didn’t tell you anything, then how would you surely know?” You frowned at his words and closed your sketchbook, getting ready to leave.

“He’s not the one for you.” He simply replied while looking up at the blue skies that hanged over your head.

You stared at him. You expected a harsh insult from him but what he said was more deep than you expected. “How does a person even know if one person is for and not for them?” You asked back in a calmer boy and he just glanced at you.

“Well, it’s fate as you people claim. Sometimes fate goes against your perception but it gifts you with something better.” He said as his attention went back to thye skies.

“You act like you know so much.” You mumbled before looking up at the sky with him. “How can you be both mean and full of wisdom at the same time?” You said blatantly which caught him a bit off guard.

“I’m not mean.”

“Yes, you are.”

“Being honest isn’t being mean.”

“Sometimes, you need to know when you have to hold your tongue and not speak or else you would end up hurting someone.” You told him as you hugged your sketchbook close to your chest.

“I’m not hurting anyone. In fact, I am saving you the time by telling you not to pursue Jaemin when he isn’t destined for you.”

“What are you? Some sort of cupid to dictate how my love life ends up like?” You snickered at him.

“You can say that.” A small smirk tugged on the corner of his lips as he heard your remark.

In your opinion, Jeno could be obnoxious sometimes but he can also be quite attractive. No wonder why he has such a lot of girls fawning over him. Yet, he never seemed to enjoy the attention.

“Are you..gay?” You suddenly asked which made him raise a brow at you.

“If you were hoping for a yes then I am sorry to break it to you, but I am not.”

“Then why do you keep rejecting the girls that keep asking you out? Are none of them the one destined for you?” You asked with the same tone he used on you earlier.

“I’m just not interested.”

“How are you not interested but work at a station for love agendas?” You found the idea quite funny but Jeno was indifferent.

“It wasn’t my choice.”

“Was it destiny’s choice?” You playfully said and he just shook his head but you can tell that that made him laugh a bit.

“You’re not so bad, y/n. Apart from you flunking math…” He teased and you could have sworn, this was the only time he had been kind to you.

“Hey! You’re flunking with me too!” You pointed out the truth about you and Jeno being the lowest in class consecutively.

“I don’t need math in my life.” Jeno commented which you actually agreed to.

“Anyway, you’re not so bad too.” You added before the bell rang to signal that it was time to get back to class.  “By the way, today is club sign ups. You might want to join one.”

“Which one are you joining?”

“Cooking as always.” You said before he nodded. “See you around, I guess.”

“Yeah.”

Apart from that one incident, you did not have any other chances to get to talk to him. Maybe once was enough, you wondered. You were together in all classes and since you had different surnames, he was seated somewhere far from you. You never got to group up in projects as well since he always teamed up with Renjun and another foreign exchange student named Lucas.

“You keep on looking towards Jeno.” Your friend, Haechan, pointed out as he whispered.

“I do not.” You glared at him before returning to your joined project with him.

“We can make arrangements, you know.” Haechan then approached Renjun and told him something and you can see Jeno slowly approaching you.

“Hey.” He waved as he took Haechan’s spot right besides you.

“What are you doing?”

“Haechan suddenly said Renjun owed him something hence why they’re partners now and I guess, we’re partners now.”

He glanced down at the paper in front of you and nodded. He then opened his book again to go through all the important notes that he has highlighted.

You felt awkward at first. Jeno was not quite the person who did small talk as a partner. What mattered to him was getting the work done before the bell rang and it was not surprising that you had ten minutes to spare with the speed of your work.

Your eyes then found their way to a certain Na Jaemin. You still could not help but sigh dreamily at the sight of him. He was paired up with one of his closest female friends and they seem to have been enjoying their conversation and you could not but feel jealous at it. You knew you had the slightest chance to end up with him but you still hoped regardless.

“Don’t worry. She isn’t meant for him either.” Jeno said as he noticed you, his eyes watching you curiously. “You already know that you two aren’t destined. Why do you keep on fantasizing about him?”

“Look.” You shot him a sharp glare. “You don’t know that yet and I can like whoever I like. You cannot just dictate for someone to stop their feelings towards a person.”

“Fine. Call the station then. Find out for yourself so you can get your feelings sort out.” Jeno crossed his arms and looked at you. You knew he was posing a challenge and you were very much accepting to that. You were not going to let him win this.

On the next broadcast, you decided to take Jeno’s advice. You queued with numerous viewers just so you can get a chance to be chosen for a call. Luckily enough, Jeno just happened to draw your number.

“Hi…I just wanted to ask about something a certain person told me.” Jeno could easily recognize your voice but decided that Jaemin should take this call.

“Oh sure. What is It about?” Jaemin said with his usual warm voice.

You could feel your voice hitch but decided not to let it show. “Well, someone told me that I was not meant for this guy I like. That even if I like them a lot, that I shouldn’t try because there’s someone else out there better for me.” You began speaking.

You could see a small smile tug on the corner of Jeno’s lips.You were about to snicker but kept in mind that Jaemin was just on the other line.  “Do you think he’s right?”

“Well from the sounds of it, I think he likes you. The guy who said that I mean.” Jaemin laughed and you could see the distort on his face.

“What-“ Even Jeno seemed surprised to the viewers who were watching.

“Well, what do you think, Jeno?”

“I think he’s just being honest to her. Isn’t that a good thing?” Jeno leaned back against his chair as he listed to Jaemin.

“Well, that could be, or he could selfishly want her attention on him too. There are two sides to a coin.” Jaemin gave him a cheeky grin and  the comments streamed by the chat fast adoring his answer.

For the first time, Jeno did not know how to respond to it. He always had one view of how he acted and to bring such thinking that humans tend to be that selfish took him by surprise.   The show ended with him still pondering about Jaemin’s perspective and also how you could have possibly reacted.

It did not once cross your mind that Jeno could have liked you since he always seemed to just be a normal classmate to you. You could not deny that what Jaemin said stirred a little interest in you. What kind of possibility would it be to have Jeno like you?

The following day was calmer for Jeno. After having to hear his response, most of Jeno’s fangirls started fawning over Jaemin instead. Not that Jaemin minded or anything. Jeno was finally able to go around the school without having any intentions on actually just hiding away.

He sat under the shade of an old tree as he closed his eyes to take a short nap. It was until he heard your voice from the distance talking to the few friends you had. He could see how you were in the middle of the trio which he assumed meant that you were the bridge of the friendship. You laughed heartily with them and he could compare your aura to that of the sun. Yet, why would you want to lose all that for someone who would just bring in darkness for you? Maybe that was why he kept on telling you that Jaemin just isn’t the one for you.

“Jeno’s watching you.” One of your friends mentioned.

You turned your head towards the direction they were looking at and they were right about him having his eyes on you. You turned away from them and took a deep breathe.

“Do you think Jaemin is right…?”

“Possibly but I thought Jeno wasn’t into girls, that’s why he rarely asked anyone out…or more like he never.” Your other friend nodded.

“Well he said he wasn’t gay either.” You mentioned at the memory of your past conversation. “Maybe it just so happened that Jaemin didn’t know his co-host said it. He would have probably had a different opinion if he did.” Your friends agreed with one another and just nodded your head.

Jeno surely was mysterious. No action from him can be consistent apart from how blunt he was when it came to people’s emotion. Sometimes, you even doubt if he was human as well. However, you did know for a fact that curiosity kills the cat. If you were too curious about him, that would probably cause problems to arise.

Days would pass and you would line up the station regularly to take part in the queuing, That one chance you got to talk to Jaemin was enough to fuel you to try and get to talk to him again. You and Jeno would avoid one another casually but with the twist of fate, you were now always paired up together by your teachers.

“You two make such a great pair.” The teachers would comment as your work would always earn the highest grades in class. This brought teasing from your classmates saying that you two should probably date.

This would actually cause you to get a little flustered. Not only did you dislike it being with Jeno, but the fact that Jaemin was one of the many who teased you both just panged your heart.

Jeno was also confused why you two were being teased to one another. He never showed any common signs human do when they develop interest. He was starting to feel that he knew less of what he actually already knew about.  He knew that the best way he could do so is by asking someone but he also got the hint that it would be too weird to just randomly ask a person how they developed feelings.

He glanced at you as you continued jotting down notes for your pair work. Maybe he could trade information for an offer you could not reject. So he decided to ask you when you two conveniently found one another at the rooftop of the school.

“I wanna know more about how people think regarding love. This is for our station and I thought you could help.” He began as you leaned against the steel barricades of the roof.

“Why would I do that…? That would be exceptionally weird.” You said as you thought about how people would stir things up again once they see you together.

“I’d let you come to the station to watch us live.” He said blankly which made your eyes instantly light up

“Really? Before the show starts and when it starts?” You clasped your fingers together and jerked forward to look up at him.

“Yeah, sure. Only on Fridays though…” He said and you quickly nodded your head.

You knew that you had to meet him every day of the week and only got to see Jaemin once but it was a good deal for your end.

Every day, Jeno and you would head to the library to discuss and then you would take him out to the small shops in the street so he can observe the topics you would have taught him. He seems to have been taking it seriously because he was jotting down notes for each lesson. You got to know him as well and you with him. You found that through Jeno’s cold exterior, he had a unique kindness to him. He always offered for you to go first and if he always had let you choose what snacks to buy when you had your study lessons.

Plus, he kept his word and brought you to the studio every Friday. You would watch him get in the booth with Jaemin and them proceed with the show. You sat next to Jaehyun who was just observing you.

“Are you good friends with Jeno, dear?”

“Oh…I guess…I give him lessons after school.” You gave him a shy smile before looking back at the two.

“I see.” Jaehyun knew that Jeno was the brightest of his batch so why would he ask for lessons from someone when he is fully capable of learning on his own. “Are you perhaps interested in him..?”

“Oh no…”You shook your head and laughed softly. “I can’t be. I am more interested in the other host.” You mumbled as you glanced at Jaemin but his eyes were on Jeno which made your eyes travel towards him too.

Jeno caught glimpse of you looking at him but he quickly looked back to Jaemin and noded to whatever he had been discussing about. Jeno has gotten more comfortable now with the show. Was it because of your help? You wanted to take credit for that but you were just not completely sure if you should.

“He seems to have gotten more cheerful. I might have to thank you for that.” Jaehyun spoke as if he had been reading through your mind.

“What do you mean…?”  

“You can say that Jeno isn’t that friendly…or wasn’t. In his old school, he always topped everything but nobody wanted to be friends with an overachiever. Hence why he turned away from…everyone. So seeing how he has a friend like you, maybe that’s what made him break through his cold self as well.”

As you listened, you took a glance at Jeno. That explained why he was so mean before. You did notice that he was nice once people got close enough to him. You smiled at that thought that he finally had friends around him.

“Please take care of him, okay?”

“O-okay..” You did not understand the reason for the talk so you just responded in the way you could best muster up.

The following days, you two just proceeded with the usual schedule. You two had voluntarily paired up now for activities being the two most academically intelligent students, that is. Some people would bring up questions If you two were dating and you would just continuously reject it.

You would catch Jeno watching you sometimes but he then looks off to somewhere else. You couldn’t deny that Jeno was indeed attractive, you wouldn’t even question anyone who would like him since he does have a good personality after all.

However, a part of you warned you not to get any attachments from him. Considering that the main reason you two even hanged out was because of Jaemin. You had hoped that this could bring you two closer even if that meant having Jeno as the bridge.

But it did feel bad considering that Jeno has already reached the close friend status with you.

You were in Jeno’s flat. He apparently lived alone but was being funded by his uncle. He was sprawled all over the carpet while you were on the couch. The two of you were writing a paper about the psychology of a person and it was due on the day to follow. You would glance at him as his eyes remained stuck on the pages of the book he borrow at the library.

He would look at you whenever he felt your eyes on him and would ask if you wanted something. He would instantly get some snacks from the kitchen without waiting for you to respond. You were getting a bit confused on what you were feeling towards the said boy. He was in general, a mystery.

Jeno could not deny the fact that it was as confusing as it was for you with him. He was wondering why he was so comfortable even with your presence. Somehow, even more comfortable when he was with Renjun. There were more confusing moments for him when he would feel an increase in the pace of his heartbeats whenever you would accidentally fall asleep against his shoulder. He would  reconsider going to school the next day, thinking he caught some disease and might worsen it if he overexerted himself, but it was never the case.

When he did try to confide about this with Renjun, he would just say that maybe Jeno was developing feelings for you which he found quite impossible. Cupids are not meant to develop feelings for humans or else, there will be a designated punishment for them.

He recalled that one conversation he had with Jaehyun where he asked why he was feeling these strange things whenever he was with you and Jaehyun would just give him a knowing smile. His answer was simple and that had let Jeno hinder any other humanly feelings to reside in him.

If you fall in love with a human, you’ll be punished by being revoked the title of being a cupid.

He glanced back at you. Pondering of the chances that he may be developing feelings for you. Was he willing to give up everything he really wanted? He knew that he wasn’t. Just the same as you would for Jaemin.

One Thursday evening, you were supposed to have a study session with Jeno but he said that he had to pick something up from the studio first. To save time, you had insisted to just go along with him. As you got into the studio, it was different from usual. It was normally well lit and the cold air from the airconditioning system would be blasting. However, since today had no particular schedules, it was empty.

As you two went inside the studio, you came across a sight you had never expected nor wanted to see. Jaemin had his hands cupped on one of the staff’s cheeks and was pressing gentle kisses on her lips. You could feel your head getting heavy from the sight. It was painful but not to the extent that you had imagined it, Jeno was also in shock by it. He knew Jaemin was dating someone but never thought that he’d get to see it. He glanced at you, worried at how your expression had seem to darken. What was he supposed to do..?

Before Jaemin could notice you both, Jeno had already pulled you into an embrace, his head tilting back and his own lips being pressed against your own. Your eyes widened in surprise but he had covered you enough so that when Jaemin turned to your general view, he can only see Jeno kissing you.

You felt your heartbeat rise at the surreal feeling of his lips on your own. It momentarily made you forget about what you had just seen. The kiss lasted only for a few seconds before Jeno pulled away and Jaemin went inside to greet you both.

“Hey, lovebirds. Finally started dating for real, huh?” Jaemin teased as he had his hands clasped on that of his significant other.

“Yeah.” Jeno replied quietly as he tried to avoid looking at you.

“Don’t seem so tensed. I’ll keep it a secret.” Jaemin winked before waving off and leaving with his partner.

Now, it was the moment of truth. Jeno had to turn back to look at you, not sure how you would react. He also wondered why he did it. He knew that his original intention was just to protect you from getting seen hurt by Jaemin but a part of him said that he did it for a different reason. As he turned to look at you, he was surprised by the look you had on your face.

It wasn’t the same pained expression from earlier but confusion was written all over it. He knew he had to somehow explain the reason for why he did it but he couldn’t bring the words to do so. He just looked away and you two kept quiet until you had left the studio and had your study session canceled. He still volunteered to take you home but the walk all the way to your house was just very uneasy. He did not necessarily said goodbye and neither did you. You both probably needed to be alone with your thoughts for now.

The following days in school, a lot of your classmates noticed how you two would barely talk to one another. Jeno would not even spare you a glance. His attention always seemed to have been glued to whatever he was watching outside the window. You wanted to ask him if that kiss meant something or was it just to hide you away from Jaemin that day. Deep inside, you were actually scared of the answer.

Jeno was not having the best time either. With what had concided and his most recent talk with Jaehyun, he knew that he had developed feelings for you. Scared of it would be the best description. He knew how much he wanted to just feel your presence again next to him but he still did not want to lose his title as a cupid. Diving deeper into the punishment, Jaehyun had explained that his wings will get cut off as well. The same way his were when he fell in love with a human. The only way he got to be a cupid again was to continuously serve their world as a teacher until his passing.

Would Jeno be willing to sacrifice that much for you?

Why would he do that when he was not sure of how you felt for him?

The following days remained the same and you both wanted to deny the fact that you missed one another. The viewers seem to have noticed how Jeno seemed very distracted as well. Jaemin would take small chances to ask him what was happening during breaks but Jeno preferred not to talk about it, He kept it all to himself the same way you did.

Days and days passed and still nothing. The school had announced that it will be holding a dance and that partners were not required but encouraged. Jaehyun was one of the sponsors for the event because he claimed that it was something he could do for his two DJs as a token of gratitude.

Jeno would stay at the rooftop to hide away from the female population who wanted him to take them out when he really just wanted one person to go with him. As if right on cue, you entered the rooftop with your books, not wanting to be a part of the commotion with people asking others to be their partners. When you both laid eyes on one another, a part of you wanted to run away but another part of you wanted to run to him and just hug him. You remained stuck in place as if no one wanted to end the moment despite being just what it was. A few distances away from one another, nothing more, nothing less.

It was consuming Jeno more than it probably did for you. He was not human after all and all these emotions were more raw for him than it was for you. As if on instinct, he stood up and went towards you. Cheeks held against his big warm hands, he leaned in to seal your lips with his. You lost grasps of your books as your hands found themselves against his wrists. You wanted this as well but never wanted to admit it.

Jeno knew. He finally knew what he was willing to give up. Everything he had learned from his world, everything he used to aspire to be, those were all nothing to him if you were not a part of his world. He would give up being a cupid if it meant being with you.

During the dance, it was a pleasant surprise for everyone to see you two come in together hand in hand after the long days you two ignored one another. Jaemin lifted his glass towards both of you, happy to see that everything worked out after all. You still did not know Jeno  is a cupid, or was one. He had to face his punishment for falling in love with you and that was to be stuck in the human world until a specific time. He would then be given a chance to appeal to the court of cupids to regain his status. Yet, he had confirmed to them that he would prefer to stay as what he is now. A human.

Jaehyun watched as you both danced under the intricate designs of dangling heart streamers. He smiled as he watched Jeno with his eyes smiling with whatever you just had told him before he twirled you. “You were never meant to be a cupid, Jeno. You were meant to be matched to your soulmate.” Jaehyun sighed softly before leaving the scene.

[ashintheairlikesnow]

Colton/Kauri Fanfic Drabble 2: Love Confession

I promised to reward anyone who drew a specific, amazing fanart idea I was sent in an ask with a fake fanfiction drabble that featured the Colton (belongs to @shameless-whumper)/Kauri pairing.

This is my second “Cori” fanfic, this one is for @my-whumpy-little-heart‘s prompt Love Confession. These are written as though they are excerpts of AO3 fanfics people wrote after seeing Kauri on The Host’s YouTube Video in Who’s the Better Box Boy.  

And they are so. much. fun. to. write.

P.S. @shameless-whumper wrote this fucking excellent piece over on AO3 of Cori fanfic that broke my heart and I want it to break yours. Required reading, 100% required. You will be answering questions about this fic on your final exam.

Tagging: @maybeawhumpblog, @pepperonyscience, @haro-whumps, @18-toe-beans, @burtlederp, @finder-of-rings, @giggly-evil-puppy, @whimpers-and-whumpers, @whump-it, @lumpofwhump, @pumpkinthefangirl

CW: Aftermath of seriously dubious dubcon, references to dubcon/noncon, aftermath of biting, aftercare in general, reference to violence/restraints

When the Camera’s Off by PetRescuer445 Youtubers: The Host

Author Chose Not to Use Archive Warnings, Colton/Kauri, Kauri/Colton, Colton, Kauri, The Host, Angst, Dubious Consent, Extremely Dubious Consent, Cannot Emphasize Enough How Dubious the Consent Is, Not Safe Not Sane But Kind of Consensual?, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Kind Of Consensual Bondage, Started Out Angsty Smut Turned Into a Love Story, Kauri is a sweetheart, Colton is a treasure, the Host would probably love this, story changed a lot from original plan, honestly this was just an excuse to write crazy smut for my favorite Youtuber, then it turned into a love story between two pets, alternate universe, human pets, this fire took twenty chapters to catch but damn it still burns,

Summary: Alternate Universe: What if Colton and Kauri both got sent to the Host as a gift from Whumpees-R-Us? A peek into the life of Colton, the Host’s Domestic pet, and Kauri as their Romantic pet! 

Because let’s face, nobody with those big blue eyes would ever be made anything but a Romantic pet, am I right?!

Two pets bond in unexpected ways when one of them takes care of the Host’s household while the other ~takes care of the Host~. Super slow burn, but trust me, we’re going smutty places! I promise and have I ever let you down? :) Remember comments and kudos are always appreciated! 

Chapter 33/40

The Bath

“Why me?” Colton pitches his voice low, so the sound of the water rushing from the faucet into the bathtub will ensure that Kauri can’t hear him from where he sits on the bathmat next to the tub, shivering and hunched over, staring down at the ground with a horribly familiar, empty expression.

“Why not you?” The Host answers, flashing their brilliant too-wide smile. “I’ve got shit to do, babe. Have to edit the new video and then I’m meeting with some people about product placement.”

“It’s not my purpose to, to clean up Romantics,” Colton argues, but there’s no real fight in his voice. For one, it won’t work - the Host doesn’t care whether or not Colton wants to be responsible for this. For two, the Host only ever enjoys Colton fighting so they can push and push and push until he stops. “You, you d-did this-”

“Colton. Babe.” The Host reaches up to pat the side of his face with their palm, and Colton flinches away when they scratch behind his ear like he’s a dog. “Listen. You’re the Domestic, right?”

There’s a pause, when Colton realizes he’s expected to answer. “Y-Yes, I am.”

The hand moves around behind his hair, and the Host’s smile changes a little as they grip hard and yank his head back until Colton’s knees have to bend to stay standing, hissing through his teeth. “Domestics take care of the house, right? Right, Babe?” 

“Yes,” Colton manages, voice thin and strained. “We do.”

“Good. You cook, you clean, you come on camera for my viewers and give ‘em something as pretty as me to look at… and you take care of the household. And Kauri’s part of my household. Besides.” The Host abruptly lets go and shoots Colton a cheeky, wicked little smile. “You like seeing him naked exactly as much as I do. Don’t think I haven’t caught you watching me edit the private videos.”

Colton’s face burns. “I don’t think I’ve ever done that,” He says, trying for evasive, but the Host only laughs loud enough to make even Kauri flinch a little where he sits. 

“Sure you haven’t. It’ll be our little secret.” The Host gives him a pinch to his cheek, tweaking the skin until it hurts, and then they walk away and leave Colton standing there, staring after them with murder in his eyes and his heart that never, ever reaches his hands.

Then he takes a deep breath, sighs, and turns to look into the bathroom at Kauri.

The Host’s Romantic pet is still sitting where he’d been left, on the bathmat next to the rapidly-filling giant bathtub. The Host was always bragging about how much it cost to get a bathtub this size (“big enough for five, I tried it out one weekend with friends and we really topped out at five”), and Kauri seems dwarfed next to it. Smaller, and lost inside his head, the way he gets sometimes after the Host was in a really good mood.

His stomach twisting, Colton moves towards him, crouching down in front of the other pet, tilting his head. “Kauri,” He says, softly. “The bathtub’s almost ready.”

Kauri blinks, and after a second the deep blue eyes focus on his dark brown. Then he smiles, and some of the emptiness falls off his face, shifting away like it’d never been there. “Oh, Colton,” He says, and his voice is low, a little deeper than you’d think for how delicate he looks. “Hey. I didn’t know you were there.”

“Hey. The Host asked me to sit with you, while you get cleaned up. Do you want that?” 

He leaves the offer open, he always does - the Host is constantly having him sit with Kauri after stuff like this, because they never want to stick around to take care of him after they leave him like this. But he always leaves Kauri the option to say no.

“Yes, please,” Kauri whispers in the soft sweet voice that Colton is always trying to hear in any context but this. He holds up his hands, and Colton carefully avoids the bruises around his wrists as he grabs him by his upper forearms, close to his elbows, to pull him to his feet. 

Kauri’s hair is a wild, riotous mess, but Colton doesn’t mind the way it brushes his face when Kauri stands up too fast and stumbles forward against him. The red stripes on his back are just welts, really - the Host’s heart hadn’t been in it this time. There are other things he doesn’t want to think about - the choke-chain around Kauri’s neck replacing his usual collar, the red underneath that promises to bruise in the morning, a bite mark so deep on one shoulder that you could probably identify the Host through the dental records.

“I’m going to help you step into the tub,” Colton says softly, and Kauri’s hands grip tightly onto his arms, looking up at him, swallowing hard. 

“Can… can you get in, in with me?” Kauri asks, and his voice trembles just a little. “I just need… I could use someone with me. For a little bit, I’m just still kind of… coming down.”

The absolute last thing in the world Colton wants to hear about is how the Host is so good that Kauri has to recover from time with them - but sometimes ‘coming down’ doesn’t mean in a good way, and it looks like today is one of the shaky ones.

“Uh… sure. Yeah.” Colton looks away to hide the flush, moving Kauri gently over to the edge of the tub, trying to keep his eyes on anything but the marks left on the pale skin. They’re too red - or too purple already, some of them - and he can’t stop the surge of anger, the sense of wanting to fix this and make sure it never happens again.

It doesn’t work that way.

It never does, for the Box Boys.

So instead, he lets Kauri hold him for balance as he lifts one leg and then the other to step into the hot water, nearly scalding just the way Kauri likes it after times like this. Kauri doesn’t let go, fingers gripped so tightly they press into Colton’s skin, until he’s sitting down in the tub, in the middle of the giant space that seems to make him seem so small. 

“Now… now you,” Kauri says, and tilts his head as he looks sideways up at Colton, and the Host makes fun of him for the way he looks at Colton like that, but Colton… secretly, and he’d never admit it… he loves it.

His hands go to pull the yellow branded sweatshirt off, just brushing at the hem when Kauri flinches back, looking down at the water. Colton drops his hands immediately. “Hey… I don’t have to, Kauri. You know that. I’ll just sit next to the tub-”

“No, I… I want you in the tub. But just… can you keep your clothes, um, on? I know… I know it’s ridiculous…”

Colton blinks, and then he slowly nods. He gets into the tub, feeling the water soak immediately into his gray sweatpants, and slowly lowers himself behind Kauri, until he’s soaked totally through, the nearly-burning water making his clothing half-float around him in the water. 

Kauri doesn’t hesitate - as soon as Colton has settled he leans back against him, and Colton slides arms around his waist, clasping hands together under the water, just above Kauri’s navel. It’s quiet, now - they can’t hear the Host and honestly they might have left.

He hopes they left.

Kauri’s hair tickles at his nose and his neck as he leans his head back against Colton’s shoulder, humming to himself, some song that both of them almost remember but neither really does. He’s warm, and his skin feels soft even where it’s been bitten. 

Colton slowly cranes his neck, leans down, and kisses at the ring of teeth around Kauri’s shoulder. When Kauri doesn’t pull away, he does it again, and again, and again, once for every single toothmark he can count. 

Eventually, Kauri starts to cry.

Neither of them speak, while he does, or acknowledge it - Kauri cries a lot, after, and all Colton can do is be there to hold him through it. The low, half-buried sobs eventually get louder, and Colton’s arms get tighter. He never lets go. He never pulls away from Kauri, he never gives him anything but the comfort he really needs, comfort the Host is totally unable to give.

When the louder sobs have worn themselves out and Kauri’s shoulders stop shaking, when he goes boneless and relaxed again in the water, Colton leans forward. There are tear tracks glimmering on Kauri’s cheeks, but his eyes are open, and warm, and they’re not empty.

“Better?” Colton whispers.

“Better,” Kauri replies, and snuggles back against him. They sit in silence for a long time, and Colton’s heart beats hard in his chest. 

“Hey, Kauri, um, how long since we came here?”

There’s a pause, a moment for thought. “Year or so.”

“A year.” They were given together, but they weren’t a bonded pair. They’d never even seen each other before their boxes were opened by the Host, live on camera. Colton was opened first, and all he could think as he watched the Host take Kauri’s blindfold off was Oh, I really like his eyes. “That’s funny, it doesn’t feel like it’s been that long, does it?”

“Not really.” Kauri turns his head, twisting around a little so he could look into Colton’s eyes again. His own are red-rimmed from crying but a clear and perfect blue. The water around them is still hot enough to stay comfortable, although where it had soaked in all the way up to Colton’s shoulders felt chilly in the cool air-conditioned room. “But… I like that you’re here with me, Colton.”

“Yeah?”

Kauri smiles at him, and the empty look from before is gone. Kauri bounces back fast from the Host’s attentions - he’s trained to but also there’s something innate in him that just seems to get over it, move past it, move on. Colton’s the one left simmering in resentment, while Kauri smiles when the Host comes back from wherever they go some days, as if nothing ever happened, gives a bright, surprised laugh when the Host shoves him up on the kitchen counter while Colton tries desperately to cook dinner, lets out an excited gasp when the Host pushes him into walls.

Once, the Host pushed him over the couch on his stomach and his head was right next to Colton’s where he sat working on some sound editing. The Host told him to stay sitting right where he was.

That had been the longest fucking twenty minutes of Colton’s life.

Not that he could remember his life.

The sounds Kauri makes are always so practiced, so robotic. Colton can never keep the flicker of disgust from his face. Kauri’s just a better liar.

But there’s one thing Colton is pretty sure Kauri isn’t lying about. 

“Hey, can… can I ask you something?” Colton’s voice is still low, just in case. In the Host’s house you could never be sure where a camera might be, or a hidden microphone. They were always careful - had developed something like a code, a long time ago, without either one needing to elaborate on it or explain it. 

But he was reasonably sure that there weren’t any microphones in the bathroom.

Yet.

Although there probably would be at least a camera if the Host ever figured out that they sat together like this.

“Ask away,” Kauri says, closing his eyes and resting his head back against Colton’s shoulder, turning so his forehead is resting against Colton’s neck. 

“What would you say…” Colton trains his eyes on the big window on the other side of the bathroom, the wispy white curtains, the frosted glass. “What would you say if I told you that I, um-”

Kauri grins - Colton can’t quite see it, but it’s like he can feel it, the smile as much under his skin as on Kauri’s face. “I think I know what you’re asking.”

“… what would you say, then?”

“I’d say I love you, too.”

[mymelodyheart]

Forget Me Not Chapter 15 ~Breakfast In Bed~

It was that sort of sleep that eludes a man when the object of one's unrequited wood cannot settle in one position. Or so, Jamie thought. Thanks to Claire's alcohol overindulgence, she was having a fitful sleep, and for every restless movement she made against Jamie, his body responded swiftly and painfully. And when eventually he managed to regain his composure by focusing on thoughts that didn't involve Claire, she would wiggle her pert arse upon his throbbing cock sending his blood to run south all over again.

Giving up on sleep, he gave a sour grunt as he gingerly slid out of bed, careful not to rouse Claire. It was 4:30 in the morning and in a few hours he had to go to work. Listlessly, Jamie made his way towards the bathroom in his boxer briefs, stopping beneath the metal pull-up bar he recently installed in the doorway. With the intense need to blow off steam, he threw himself into a set of 20 pull-ups, bending his legs and lifting them back, out of deference to his height.

Thinking back to the karaoke incident, Jamie winced inwardly at his jealousy streaked behaviour towards Claire. If he was outright truthful to himself, his anger from last night stemmed more from her being ogled by the overly keen hot-blooded males in the pub than her doing things as she pleased, in defiance of him and Willie. Who could blame the men in the pub, though? She was stunningly beautiful, smart, adventurous. In spite of the vulnerabilities that lurked behind those fetching eyes, she was courageous and stubborn when face to face with adversities. She was compassionate to a fault too, and not once did she take the situation with Annalise against him, nor did she ever complain about her. Which led to the realisation that he had no right to feel the way he did when she had never consciously given him a reason to. All she ever did was blossom into a perfect flower that every man wanted to covet, including his brother.  Damn Willie!

When they were growing up, Jamie had been the centre of Claire's world, at least when she wasn't thinking of or talking about Frank. They were both thick as thieves, and he had her all to himself without the fear someone might take her away from him. He had often secretly revelled in the fact that Frank didn't reciprocate Claire's romantic feelings and that none of the boys from the school had paid her attention. But now the tables were turned.

Even though Jamie had been popular in school and girls gravitated towards him like moths to a flame, he had only eyes for Claire. Her interest in Frank was the only reason he never professed his love for her and had fervently hoped that one day her feelings towards him would be more than brotherly. And what had he done to inspire a change of heart from Claire? Instead of waiting for her, Jamie had thrown himself into meaningless relationships, a tiny part of him hoping she would be jealous enough to kick up a fuss. Well, it turned out the joke was on him when Frank suddenly started paying attention, and that Claire had been thrilled about it, didn't sit well in his guts.

The fact that she was still young, and had just started to come into her own in leaps and bounds, made Jamie wonder if he would be enough for her. He loved the Highlands, and she, traipsing around the world, just like his brother. The only thing keeping her in Scotland was her promise to work for the Fraser Manor Inn after she was done with her studies. At least for a while. How long before she becomes restless and starts yearning for adventures? Could she see him as her husband in the future, or does the endless possibilities beyond Scotland, would have her wanting more? 

He wanted her to thrive and be confident in herself, and to pursue whatever dreams she had her sights on. And he could only hope that he was part of those dreams. It was often said first loves tend not to be the last and  damn it , he wanted to be her last and forever. And he understood that their present relationship was no guarantee her love for him was for keeps. Especially not when better men than him like Willie, having secretly set their sights on her. The very idea made him crazy.

Get a grip man, you have her now, don't you?

Jamie realised he had gone well passed his set of 20 pull-ups and let go of the bar. Sides heaving, he dropped forward and rested both hands on his knees. To his dismay, all his thinking about Claire only intensified his need for her. Feeling annoyed, he headed for the shower hoping the cold spray he was about to inflict upon himself would assuage his exigent member.

Although the icy cold water helped, the relief didn't last long. It was still dark outside, and Jamie had planned to catch some sleep for at least an hour. But as he re-entered the bedroom, a towel wrapped around his hips, his weary eyes landed on Claire's naked body. Her creamy white skin looked like silk against the glow of the warm light coming from the bedside lamp. The duvet had been haphazardly pushed aside, and she had her back to him, revealing her soft curves and the swell of her buttocks. As if hypnotised, he let the towel fall to the floor and moved forward to her sleeping form, consuming her with hungry eyes.

Dropping onto the bed next to her, he couldn't resist trailing his fingers over her hips and cupping her backside. He bit his lip in pleasure as the skin quivered under his hand, drawing out a soft sigh from her lips.  Perfect and gorgeous in every way.  With his pulse racing, he rested his head against hers, burying his nose in her sunshine scented curls.

Claire stirred and turned on her back to look at him. "Jamie?"

He looked down at her and groaned. Innocent curiosity was written all over her expression. This lass, who had consumed his mind and his heart almost all his life, had given him so much. He wanted to give her so much more. His desperation must have been apparent on his face because her eyes were suddenly wide as saucers.

Her gaze dropped to their close naked bodies when he pressed his straining erection against her hip, her face reddening at the realisation. The drunken bravado from the night before was gone and dissipated. She reached for the duvet to cover herself, but Jamie grabbed her wrist to prevent her and shook his head. It amazed him that she could still blush at the sight of their unclothed bodies together.

"Jamie, what do you need?" she whispered hoarsely, one hand reaching to touch his face.

Christ, how could she look adorable and sexy at the same time?  His throat constricted when he tried to smile, one finger tracing the contour of her mouth. "Let me love ye, Sassenach. Be mine as I am yours." Then his finger travelled very slowly, further down, between her breasts, before his hand skimmed over her belly to cup her heat in his palm. "When ye go to work later, I want ye to know what my love feels like all day. Tell me ye're mine," he murmured, lowering his head to catch a nipple between his teeth. His tongue swirled and sucked the peak into his mouth, before trailing across to her other breast, to gently bite the underside.

"Oh, G-God, Jamie!" she gasped, hands running through his hair and down his tensed shoulder.

His mouth progressed to her exposed throat, licking and nibbling the smooth skin, as he relished the sounds she made. Shifting his position, he tilted his head to brush his lips against hers. "I need reminding, Claire. I haven't touched ye since I left for France and I plan to make up for that now. Tell me ye're mine and that ye want me; otherwise, I'll stop." He circled her sweet spot with his middle finger, watching as she tossed her head back with abandonment. The sight made his jaw go rigid as some chemical was released in his brain, heightening his senses. "Tell me now. I need to hear it." Before she could respond, he sunk two fingers inside her, making her whimper. The moisture and heat between her legs sent his head spiralling out of control.  She needs me. She wants me.

Looking like she's completely robbed of her senses and oblivious to anything but the feel of him, Claire could only make unintelligible sounds as Jamie brought his weight down on hers. He marvelled at the sight of her.  So beautiful, my lass. My lass. Mine!  Bringing his mouth down for a hungry kiss, his tongue mated with hers as his knees gently parted her thighs. When they finally came up for air, his lips travelled down over her neck and cleavage, leaving a trail of dampness on her skin as his mouth floated further down and down. He could feel the sting on his back where Claire had clawed him, sending a ripple of satisfaction surging through him. 

He was torn aching to plunge into her and needing to talk. Or hold her against him and simply be. Doing all those things at the same time seemed like too much like it would rip him apart. So he continued to run his hand over her roughly and breathed.

Delving between her legs, he fastened his mouth to the core of her need. He sucked while she went wild underneath him, writhing with such ferocity that he had to grind his cock against the mattress repressing the urge to dive into her. Her sobs registered only dimly, the taste of her so intoxicating, so sweet, it pulled him into a state of single-mindedness.  Brand her. Make her forever yours . Jamie lost himself as he licked the folds between his thighs, his tongue pushing inside while his fingers rubbed her sensitive nub. Claire's fingers ripped at his hair and dug into his back as her body spasmed into climax, her legs quivering against his head. His desire to make her come more was interspersed with her plea, her voice breaking through his lustful fog, making him conscious to her needs.

"Oh, Christ, Jamie, please, I need you inside me. I want you. I need you. I love you," she cried, her hands tugging at his hair.

Kissing her sensitive core for the final time, he reached for the condom on the bedside table. There wasn't an ounce of finesse left inside him as he climbed over her squirming body and shoved her legs even wider while rolling the protective latex over his aching length. 

With a single thrust of his hips, he immersed himself deep inside her, swallowing her scream with an urgent kiss. "Ssshh, Sassenach," he breathed against her parted lips. "Ye're so beautiful, my heart breaks a little every time I look at ye. I love yer eyes..." He leaned down to kiss her eyelids, swallowing expletive as she arched her back. "This mouth ... this nose ... this heart. All that ye are is all that I will ever need. I wish ye could feel what happens inside me whenever I look at ye." His whole body shook as he withdrew his cock and then sunk into her heat again. "Take me, Sassenach, all of me. Put yer hands all over me. I want to feel all of ye."

When her hands stroked down his back, moist golden eyes looking at him with so much tenderness, he made a strangled noise. 

"I don't want your heart to break, Jamie. You know I'm yours. Please...now." The simple command choked off his oxygen, relinquishing whatever was left of his self-restraint. 

Bracing his elbows on both sides of her, he rocked his hips between her legs, moving his length in rhythmic waves. When Claire's eyes became unfocused with desire, he pressed their foreheads together and willed her to look at him. And when she did, the connection he felt for her as he stared into her eyes made him feel raw and exposed. It was what he wanted. He wanted her to see all of him.

"Ye're mine, Sassenach, remember that. Always." He drove into her setting a faster pace, her legs wrapping around him as her inner walls gripped at his cock. She made mewling sounds at the back of her throat, her face a beautiful picture of pain and pleasure. He rammed into her harder, thrusting in and out with abandon as she wildly bucked beneath him. "Oh, God, so beautiful... so good."

His own climax was looming as she began to convulse in her release and her legs contract in its vice-like grip around his waist. He watched her come apart, his heart hammering painfully and overflowing with love. The sight of her shaking, the feel of her made it impossible to hold back any longer. With a final thrust, he crashed into her with a groan, coming with so much intensity, his vision faltered. Wanting to extract every last ounce of their lovemaking, he brought their lips together and kissed her as they gradually recovered from their high. There was a need inside Jamie to prolong the moment, to hold time at bay, and their kisses succeeded in doing that. At least for a little while, until the sun began to peek through the window.

[mellowgelo]

Misconceptions about Walter White and Grey Matter

Everytime I see a post/video about Walter White’s backstory before the events of Breaking Bad, there’s always dozens of comments from people slagging off his former business partners, Gretchen and Elliott Schwartz. As far as I can see, a lot of the criticisms are completely unfounded. After finishing my 2nd rewatch of the series, I feel compelled to talk about and examine some of these criticisms

1: “Gretchen dumped Walt to fuck his best friend!!”

I mean, I don’t even know why I need to refute this one? In the restaurant scene with Walt and Gretchen, (’Peekaboo,’ 2.06) she clearly describes the events of their breakup: they were both staying at her family home one weekend until Gretchen caught him secretly packing his bags. She asked him what he was doing but he refused to explain and then simply left. 

In the scene, Gretchen asks 'did I dream all of that?!’ and Walt does not dispute her version of events. Pretty clearly, he was the one who ended their relationship.

2: “Gretchen was cheating on Walt with Elliott!!”

Again, I’m not sure why this has become such a prevalent idea? At no point does Walt accuse Gretchen of cheating on him (and you don’t think that if she had, he wouldn’t have brought it up during their argument?) and although he talks about Gretchen and Elliott bitterly several times in the series, the fact that they became a couple is never mentioned as the cause of his anger. It’s not specified when Gretchen and Elliott first became a couple or when they got married. Potentially, their relationship might have started years after Walt left the company. 

So...it’s not impossible? But there’s no facts to support this idea and Walt’s reactions to the couple don’t suggest that any infidelity took place.

3: “Gretchen and Elliot made their billion dollar company by stealing Walt’s ideas and cutting him out of the business!”

Okay, so this is the big one! The main cause of Walter’s grudge against his former colleagues! The first betrayal that set him on the path to eventually becoming Heisenberg!

And...it’s kind of bullshit.

He first accuses Gretchen of ‘cutting him out’ in Season 2, implying that some shady business deal took place which forced Walt out of the company and denied him his fair share of the profits. However, in ’Buyout’ (5.06) Walt seems to contradict this by telling Jesse that he chose to leave Grey Matter for ‘personal reasons’ and sold his share in the company for $5000. 

Now, with the benefit of hindsight, this was clearly a bad financial decision! But there’s no evidence of coercion or manipulation being used against Walt in this situation and as seen in point 1, he’d already begun severing ties to the company by breaking up with Gretchen. Much as he came to regret this choice later, it was a choice that he made freely.

But! What about Walter’s grand contributions to Grey Matter Technologies while he was there? He seems very eager to claim responsibility for the company’s success, telling Gretchen that they built their empire on his work. And in the penultimate episode ’Granite State’ (5.15) watching Gretchen and Elliott claim that his sole contribution to Grey Matter was providing the company name makes Walt furious. He clearly wants to be given the credit as the man who’s research turned a small grad school company into a billion dollar organisation.

But....is he really? 

Walt’s status as a brilliant chemist cannot be denied. Neither can the fact that before co-founding Grey Matter, he was a contributor to a Nobel Prize winning experiment! However, when he tells Jesse about his time with the company, he only mentions ‘potential’ and a few insignificant pending patents. Walt gives no specific examples of his achievements at Grey Matter, only vague references to ‘my work’ and ‘my research.’ What exactly is he taking credit for?

Moreover, by the time the series begins, it’s been approximately 20 years since Walter left Grey Matter. Is it really possible that a company this successful would still be riding the coattails of a man who hasn’t worked there in two decades?

None of this is to say that Walt didn’t provide crucial research during his time at Grey Matter, only that we have no idea what this work was. This missing information could just be a case of the writers not wanting to bog the show down with scientific jargon etc, but I think the lack of specific detail was a clue about Walt being an unreliable narrator.

4: “They only offered him the job because they feel bad for ripping him off!”

This is often linked with the previous argument, making the claim that they must have ripped him off back in the day because that’s why they offer him the job in Season 1, out of guilt. 

Walt certainly seems to think that this is their motivation. He describes Elliott’s job offer as ‘face-saving bullshit’ in ’Grey Matter’ (1.05) and directly accuses Gretchen of ‘waving her chequebook around like a magic wand’ to make amends for stealing his work. In both instances, he makes these accusations in a fit of anger, showing how much inner resentment he holds towards them both. However, as mentioned above, when he makes his speech to Jesse in ‘Buyout’ he places the blame on himself for leaving the company. In this scene, he is calm, suggesting that he is talking about his past more objectively than in his previous statements.

And then we have how Gretchen and Elliott react to him throughout the series.  When he attends Elliot’s birthday party, the atmosphere during their conversations is slightly awkward....but this is all coming from Walt’s end. When Walt and Skylar first arrive, Walt’s pleasantries are clearly forced but the Schwartzes look genuinely pleased to see him again. Walt is embarrassed by his cheap present of a Yum Good Ramen packet but Elliott is visibly moved by the momento of their college days. And when Walt and Elliott are alone reminiscing about their old professors, they’re both laughing enthusiastically and it’s the first time Walt looks comfortable ...until Elliott suggests that Walt come back to Grey Matter.

You would expect that if the Schwartzes had knowingly ripped off Walter’s research, or had an affair behind his back, there would be some embarrassment/shame from both of them upon seeing the man they screwed over at their party. In fact, you’d imagine they’d want to keep as much distance from him as possible! Why would they invite this man, this innocent victim of their manipulations, to their house where he could tell all their guests about how they ripped him off? 

As well as their behaviour, Walt’s reactions to Gretchen and Elliott don’t make sense either. After arriving at Elliott’s party, it’s clear that Skylar has met them both before, showing that the two couples have maintained contact throughout the years, and Skylar seems unaware of any bad blood between the trio. When Walt bumps into another former classmate, he introduces Walt to his friends as a co-founder of Grey Matter and encourages him to describe his role in the company. However, upon getting this perfect opportunity to brag, Walt only mentions how he came up with the company name. And although his cheery facade at the party is not very convincing, he still accepted the invitation to a party he knew he wouldn’t enjoy and does his level best to appear happy. Why would he bother to do all this for a couple who ripped him off so badly? Why did he not completely sever contact with them as soon as he left the company?

Walt’s resentment towards his college friends is clear to the viewer but Elliott and Gretchen seem oblivious to his anger. When Elliott floats the idea of working together, he asks ‘why not?’ and ‘what’s stopping us?’ When Gretchen calls Walt at the end of 1.05 encouraging him to take their offer, she assumes that his reluctance is due to their former romantic relationship, not because of any professional jealousy. And when Walt argues with her in 2.05, she is completely shocked to hear his version of events, furiously responding ‘that cannot be how you see it!’

Walter seems to hold Gretchen and Elliott responsible for ruining his life but they never show signs of guilty behaviour towards their former partner. Perhaps they are sociopaths who are incapable of feeling remorse...or perhaps they’ve done nothing to feel guilty about.

Conclusion

Apart from one flashback where Walt and Gretchen discuss the elements of a human body, we don’t see any of the events regarding the early days of Grey Matter firsthand. It’s all conveyed by characters discussing the past through their own potentially biased perspective and it’s impossible to regard either Walt, Gretchen or Elliott as a definitive source. However, as you can see from this post and my conclusions, a lot of information can be gleamed from reading between the lines and paying attention to what is not being said.

Given the lack of direct evidence, a lot of this debate comes down to whose perspective is more reliable and the series demonstrates over and over again that Walt is not a trustworthy person. I think you’d be hard-pressed to find a single episode of the show that doesn’t show Walt telling at least one lie. Despite this, many fans who identify with Walt take his version of events at face value, without really examining how his arrogance and sense of victimhood have clouded his perspective.

After rewatching the show and getting a very different perspective on several characters a second time round, I’d encourage any fan of the show who strongly identified with Walter White to rewatch the series and this time, focus on getting into the heads of the characters he comes into conflict with. You might come away with a very different opinion. And a renewed sympathy.

Thanks for reading, this is my 1st post so any constructive criticism is welcome and any likes/reblogs would be very much appreciated :) 

[zutaras-where-its-at]

Can you do 46 “I thought you were dead” please?

Okay, I got very carried away and this became a threeshot. But I’m only posting the first part for now, lol. Also, I know I should be writing stuff for Zutara Week, but I really wanted to get all these drabble prompts finished first before starting anything else so looks like I won’t be contributing anything original this year lmao. My bad.

[based off this tweet because it made me laugh so hard that i got a plot idea // aka katara goes ghost]

xxximstillonmobileandiknowisuckfornotknowinghowtoaddareadmorelinebutpleaseforgivemexxx

His friends think he’s insane for accepting the job offer at Caldera Memorial Cemetery to clean the graveyards in the middle of night while the establishment is closed.

On his first night, Azula had handed him a black, engraved hunting knife (that he never wants to know the backstory of) and laughed as she wished him good luck. Even Iroh gave him a serious look and warning to be careful, but Zuko knows his Uncle only worries because of his unusual and creative beliefs about the supernatural world.

Zuko suffers no such ideology and therefore accepts the position because it promises to pay off his rent in a way that half-baked superstitions cannot.

On the third day of his second week on the job, Zuko wishes he had paid more attention to Uncle’s fanciful stories.

He’s in the middle of raking a pile of leaves out of the walkways under the light of a full moon and a service lantern his boss had provided him, when she appears.

“Why don’t you just use a leaf blower?”

Zuko isn’t proud of the high-pitched “fucking shit” that tears its way out of his throat and into the still night air. He whirls around, hefting the rake like a sword, and his wide eyes meet the calm, if not amused, pale blue gaze of a girl standing behind him.

He seethes and winds himself up to tell her off for trespassing on private property in the middle of the night when something unusual catches his attention.

The tips of her long, wavy hair seem to almost float in a nonexistent breeze, and the ends of her shoulders, fingertips, and feet simply faze in and out of sight.

“What the hell.”

She laughs a little and tilts her head to the side. “What? Never seen a ghost before?”

His jaw unhinges, and a chill sweeps through the length of his spine. Stubbornly, he blinks hard, attempting to rid himself of this frighteningly realistic mirage.

The girl rolls her eyes and crosses her arms. “I know what you’re thinking, and yes, I am real. No amount of trying to convince yourself otherwise is going to get rid of me.”

Zuko stares unabashedly for a few moments before making the split second decision to rally whatever is left of his pride, and face this situation head on. She doesn’t look like a threatening ghost, after all.

“You can’t be a ghost.” Her eyebrow raises incredulously, but he plows through. “If you were really a ghost, then why are you the only one here? Why aren’t there any others?”

An almost frustrated look overcomes her and she huffs. Zuko notices that he can see his breath in the cold night air, but hers leaves no trace.

“There are others. Lots of them. But for some reason, none of the other spirits can see you except for me. And I don’t think any living people can see me except for you.”

He doesn’t know quite what to say to that, and can’t help the perfunctory look that he gives to the rest of the empty cemetery, before looking back at her.

He hadn’t realized it before, but she’s dressed in surprisingly modern and stylish clothes. Her yellow sundress with little white daisies scattered across the fabric is at odds with the cool fall air and the bright moon above them. Zuko almost does a double take at the red stain stretching from one side of her torso to the other.

“What’s that?”

She blinks in confusion before following his eyes to her stomach. Her figure goes slightly rigid, and she looks back up at him with a resigned expression. “I think that’s how I died. I don’t really remember much, but I know I was in the car with Sokka—my brother—and someone ran a red and hit us at the intersection. And then... Well, I woke up at the hospital, but the entire building was empty except for all these other spirits who had also just died. I didn’t know what else to do, so I followed them here. You’re the first live person I’ve been able to see.”

Zuko wrings his hands around the handle of the rake he’s still holding. “And how long have you been here?”

At this, the girl groans and rubs violently at her eyes with the heel of her palms. “Weeks. I’ve been here for weeks now, which is way longer than any other spirit I’ve ever met. But whatever I do,” her breath hitches here, “I just can’t pass on.”

Something aches in him, because he knows what it feels like to be left behind—to feel like you’re always sprinting just to catch up.

“How long do the others stay for?”

“All the other spirits—they only stay here for a few days at most, usually just to make peace with their death, and then they disappear.” She sits heavily on am ornate headstone beside her, and he’s fascinated by how it makes her seem that much more tangible. “But I’ve done everything I can to prepare myself for the passing. I went and visited my home to say goodbye. I went back to the hospital room that I had first woken up in over and over again until it didn’t hurt anymore to be there. I—I even sat at my mother’s grave for days and hoped that she would come to take me to whatever the hell comes next... but...”

She chokes off and Zuko watches a glimmering tear drop from her lashes and promptly dissipate before it even hits the ground.

“None of the other spirits will even talk to me. I know they can hear and see me, but every time I try to approach one, they just look the other way and move on.”

The dejection in her voice assuages the last of Zuko’s uneasiness, and he feels his sympathy pulling towards this strange ghost girl.

“I’m sorry.” He hesitates for fraction of a second before continuing. “I—I also know what it’s like to feel alone.”

She lifts her chin, a hopeful look brightening her face.

Zuko sighs. “A lot of people tend to get scared off by—well, I mean,” he gestures half-heartedly to the deep red scar marring his otherwise normal features.

Understanding bleeds across her expression and she stands to walk closer to him. The air around him drops in temperature with every step she takes, but he suppresses his shiver and holds his ground.

Her hand raises slowly, giving him enough time to reject her advancements, but Zuko just closes his eyes and stifles a gasp as the faint impression of ice cold fingertips graze the edge of his scar. He would almost swear in that moment that she’s a live person standing before him, caressing the ruined skin of his face.

“I’m sorry.” There is pity in her voice, but there is also pain, and somehow he knows that she does not think less of him for his mark of weakness. “If it helps, I think it makes you look badass.”

He opens his eyes to squint at her, a lopsided grin stretching over his lips to match her soft smile. “Really?”

She nods sagely, her not-quite-opaque eyes glittering with mirth. “Oh, for sure. Definitely gives you a devil-may-care vibe that every chick secretly digs.”

A huff of laughter escapes him, and he suddenly remembers that he is supposed to be doing a job and—perhaps slightly more importantly—that he is allowing himself to be distracted from said job by an oddly extroverted ghost girl.

Uncle would have a field day.

She seems to notice his hesitancy and drops her hand, backing up from him. The laughter still lingers in her eyes, but she just shakes her head and smiles. “I’m Katara, by the way.”

“Zuko.”

“Thank you, Zuko. For not being scared, and for letting me vent to you about my post-death conundrum.”

“I wish I could have helped you.”

Katara grins. “Don’t be too hard on yourself. It doesn’t seem like you have a whole lot of experience in this department, and I can’t begrudge you the fact that you’ve never died.”

Zuko nearly laughs, but settles for an only slightly awkward smile. “Well, let me know if there’s, uh, anything I can do for you. You know, for my next shift.”

She bites her lip, apparently racking her brain for something within his scope of ability, before perking up. “Actually, if you could bring a speaker and play the new Elementals album for me, that would be incredible. It was supposed to drop a week or two ago, and they’re my favorite band. I’ve been dying to listen to it.”

“I thought you were dead.”

The joke slips out before he can think twice, and Zuko winces. Azula has told him before that his comedic delivery is dry at best and insulting at worst, and he isn’t trying to cause unnecessary pain to this already suffering spirit.

But Katara only snickers and stifles a groan that somehow comes across as wistful. “You would get along way too well with my brother. And besides, it seems like I may only be half-dead.”

With that, she gives him a final parting smile and simply ceases to exist.

Zuko stares blankly for a few minutes at the patch of undisturbed grass she had been standing in and wonders why all the weird things always happen to him.

[besidemethewholedamntime]

c’mon darlin’ (please take my hand)

Happy Most Wanted Fic Exchange Day @secret-thirteen ! Your prompt was so great and I really enjoyed writing it! I hope you like it!

Summary:

“You fancy getting married again?” It’s so unbelievable. He picks this moment, where the full enormity of their situation is just settling on their shoulders, to ask her to shackle herself to him once more? She might love the man, sometimes more than she can believe, but his sense of timing has always been impeccably awful.' On the run and out of luck, yet Lance Hunter thinks it's the best time to ask to marry her again. A 5+1 in marriage proposals.

{Read on Ao3}

or read below!

He asks her day one of being on the run.

They’re in a pretty shady motel, off some pretty shady dirt track. Lance flips through the meagre selection of TV channels and declares them ‘bloody rubbish’ before flopping backwards onto the bed in a starfish.

Bobbi sorts through all of their possessions that they’ve brought with them, which fit into two backpacks. There’s some basic survival stuff that she hopes they won’t have to use. Two weapons. Fake passports. Some money in multiple currencies. An unhealthy number of jellybeans.

“Hey, Bob?” He asks her, and she’s so absorbed in the task of wondering how they’re going to survive off this that she doesn’t hear him until he calls her name a second time.

“What?!”

“You fancy getting married again?”

It’s so unbelievable. He picks this moment, where the full enormity of their situation is just settling on their shoulders, to ask her to shackle herself to him once more? She might love the man, sometimes more than she can believe, but his sense of timing has always been impeccably awful.

“I really can’t believe you’re asking me that,” she mutters, shoving stuff back into backpacks, gathering up the cheap shower gel and shampoo they bought, along with the paper-thin towel the motel provides.

“Wait, that a no, then?”

“I’m going for a shower,” she announces. “And before you ask: no, you cannot join.”

-x-

He asks her on a riverbank in Hungary.

Talking about the past, the life they’ve left behind, the fact that they’ve become the ghosts she knows nobody will mention makes her feel more than a little lost. Set adrift. Bobbi feels like if she were to step into the river the tide would just carry her away to lands unknown, and she’d just let it.

“We’ll be alright,” Lance tells her, reaching out to hold her hand.

“Sometimes it’s just like what’s even the point, you know? SHIELD was my purpose, and I’m just floating around, trying not to get caught by people I don’t even know.”

“I know the feeling.” His eyes are dark and she holds his hand, letting him know it’s okay to say more. “After I left the SAS. It was my whole life. Band of brothers, we were. Then I left and I had nothing. No purpose.”

It reminds her of why she was drawn to Lance in the first place. They’re so similar. It’s what drove them apart, too. With this whole ‘on the run’ thing, maybe they can find the place to start again. Properly this time.

“I guess we just have to find a new purpose.”

“Guess we do, love.”

His smile wavers, but it’s so genuine that is banishes the shadows from his eyes.

“How about we get married? That would be a good purpose?”

She laughs and shoves him gently. He makes himself fall over for dramatic effect and she thinks about pushing him in the river. But his eyes still hold the question, and she knows that he’s being genuine. She pretends she can’t see it.

“I’ve never imagined getting married in Hungary,” she says. “It’s not exactly Hawaii.”

“Got to be adventurous, love,” he tells her.

Bobbi just laughs and tells him the place that they’re going to drive to next.

-x-

The next time is in a hotel room in Paris.

They’re in bed. His arms make her feel safe. These days not a lot does. But he always can. For better or worse he always can.

“I know it’s cheesy, but I love you,” he murmurs into the skin of her shoulder. She likes how his stubble tickles against her skin. It stops her from going numb.

“I love you, too,” she whispers. It’s easier to stop her voice cracking.

“I loved you even when I hated you.”

The words make her stop for a moment, though it’s not a surprise. Bobbi knows that he hated her. He hated the way she couldn’t let go of her job for him, the way she kept all those secrets when he needed honesty from her.

And she couldn’t stand him, either. To her it was just so unsupportive. Lance had married her knowing exactly where she stood, for she had never hidden it. He had vowed to love her forever because of it, in spite of it. For him to then start fighting with her had hurt her more than she could say.

But now, reflecting back, she understands. After the life he’d had, he needed some honesty with the person he was going to share his life with. Too many secrets and too many half-truths to obscure accountability had left him frustrated and betrayed. He wanted someone who could love completely him. And she just couldn’t. And she doesn’t think he could love completely her either.

It’s always been their problem. Too similar. Too stubborn.

“Yeah,” she agrees, gently. “Me too.”

They fall asleep, holding each other lightly. In the middle of the night Lance begins to toss and turn with a nightmare. Bobbi’s eyes flutter open when she first hears is irregular breathing, and she’s awake fully the instant she feels arm brush hers.

The ferocity of his nightmares from things he’s seen and done, the way they have a hold on him completely, has always frightened her a little bit. Always she has wished to take it away from him, even when he called her a demonic hell beast and even when she threw him out. No matter what, Bobbi is sure he doesn’t deserve this.

When she wakes him up, gently cajoling and flicking on the light to show their shabby Paris hotel room, he takes a deep couple of breaths and flashes her a tired smile.

“Lifesaver,” her breathes, clapping her on the arm. “Marriage material.”

It’s not technically asking her, but when he says the word her chest gets awfully tight. Though not as much as it once did.

“You’re an idiot,” she says softly, cupping her hand around his face. “And you definitely wouldn’t know marriage material if it hit you in the face.”

“I don’t know. Think I did pretty well the first time.”

“Yeah,” she agrees, snuggling back down beside him. “I think you did.”

-x-

Only Lance Hunter would ask it in the middle of a firefight.

They didn’t exactly mean to pick a fight with the drug cartel, and especially not with the boss. It was a bit of a misunderstanding. It’s not as if they truck looked like it belonged to anyone, and it definitely did not look like it was filled with rather a lot of heroin.

“We should’ve taken some!” Lance shouts over to where Bobbi’s ducked behind some crates that will splinter in a second. “Could’ve made a fortune with that stuff!”

“Yeah, ‘cause they already loved us for taking the truck in the first place, never mind if we’d actually stolen some of their stuff!”

Lance ducks as a bullet whizzes far too close to his head. He looks at her incredulously. “This is officially the worst bloody holiday I’ve ever been on.”

“Wasn’t exactly meant to be a holiday,” she grumbles, knowing he won’t listen to her. She moves position and fires off two shots, looking to maim and not kill.

“’Oh, Mexico will be great!’,” he says, in a voice that she assumes is meant to mimic hers. “Great idea, love. Turned out brilliantly!”

A man appears behind Lance, then, and before he can even realise, before Bobbi can even breathe, she’s got him down and sorted out another one.

Lance looks behind him, down at the two men who were seconds away from ending his life, then back at her. He whistles. “Damn, woman. Killer reflexes.” He grins at her. “I should marry you for that.”

“You can’t marry me every time I save your ass.” Bobbi peeks out at the remaining cartel members, who are checking their ammunition and shaking their heads. God, she loves stupid criminals sometimes.

“I really could.”

She huffs and smiles at him, getting to her feet then helping him up. “No,” she says. “You couldn’t.”

-x-

“For the love of God, Bobbi, please, just marry me!”

“Well when you say it like that… no!”

Fighting. Again. It seems there’s only so long one can be on the run with Lance Hunter before he makes you want to pull out each individual strand of hair from frustration.

“I’m a catch, you know! A real catch. If I was to put myself on the market then someone would just snap me right up.”

“Then go right ahead! I’m really not stopping you.”

It’s been like this for a week now. Arguing about them getting married again. This time it was for an undercover operation they were going to do – because being disavowed means they can dole out their own justice. But it also means it’s just the two of them, nobody to mediate their arguments and pull the higher strings.

“You’re so bloody infuriating, you know that! It would make so much sense to just pop in, sign the thing, pop out. It makes it a whole lot easier to get into that place and you know it!”

“When we get married again I’m not doing it in a registry office in London with the cleaning lady as a witness! I don’t want it to be for some dumb mission!”

He stops, then looks at her. A slow grin crosses his face. Dammit, Bobbi.

“So, we’re getting married again? For real?”

“Maybe,” she huffs, in disbelief that she gave him this. “Now come on. Let’s think of another plan.”

He’s surprisingly easy-going during the rest of their planning, and she hears him singing horribly to himself in the shower. All she can do is roll her eyes, and maybe smile a little secretly to herself. Though when he starts crooning cheesy wedding songs, she wishes they’d go back to fighting.

+1

It goes quiet for a bit.

In order to preserve their sanity, they part ways for a couple of months, but under strict instructions to contact each other if things go wrong. They send messages in other ways, and it’s the only way they’re both able to sleep at night.

The first thing Lance does after they meet up again is pull her into a big hug. She doesn’t deny that it’s enjoyable, but the uncharacteristic tightness with which he holds her has her worried.

“Hey, you okay?” She asks softly.

“Yeah,” he says, voice deeper and accent stronger than it was. “Just was a rough thing there.”

(Later she’ll find out that he was with Fitz, and when she was what he did he’ll say, ‘We saved the world, Bob. We saved the bloody world.’)

“I’m glad you’re alright,” he says, holding her tightly before pulling back.

“Yeah. I’m glad you’re alright, too.”

He does a nervous shuffle of his feet, twists his fingers around. “Marry me, Bob?”

His voice is so quiet, so sincere, that she says, “What?” because she simply thinks she’s misunderstood.

“Please.” He takes her hand within his. His hands, rough but warm and so familiar. “Marry me.”

Her heart stutters but not from fear or apprehension. She feels the corners of her mouth move upwards, feels her cheeks grow warm. “Of course.”

He kisses her then, as passionately as the man always does everything in his life. God, she loves him so much, but she can’t resist poking fun at him just one last time.

“You only had to ask, you know.”

[magickrosegalaxy]

72 Signs Of Alien Abduction

The specific signs below are the most common signs that are reported by abductees. It is estimated that one-fourth of Americans believe in aliens. It is also estimated that for every grain of sand, there is another earth-like planet. 

72 Signs Of Alien Abduction:

1 – LOST TIME: A period of time, from minutes to several days, in which you cannot recall what happened to you or what you have done.

2 – UNUSUAL MARKS: On your body like scars, scoop marks, laser cuts in series on ankle, wrist or back. Any scars which you’re unable to explain where you got them from.

3 – TAPPING OR HUMMING NOISES: Hearing these sounds upon odd occasion such as bedtime, just prior to sleep.

4 – BEING WATCHED: A feeling you get, during or just prior to sleep at night.

5 – SLEEPWALKING: You wake up in a different place from where you went to sleep and do not know how you got there.

6 – SEEN A UFO: During your life you’ve seen UFO’s or seen strange lights in the sky.

7 – NEED TO TRAVEL: A strange compulsion to walk or drive to another location without any explanation.

8 – UNEXPLAINED MEDICAL PROBLEMS: Sudden illness, sinus problems, fatigue, migraines or rashes.

9 – UNABLE TO SLEEP: You experience insomnia by way of nightmares, dreaming of UFO’s or being devoured by animals with large black eyes. (Usually associated with common wild animals such as owls, coyotes or wolves)

10 – IMPLANTS: Your physician or you discover small, strange object inside your body that cannot be explained. Common places are the hip, ankle, foot, nose, ear or hand.

11 – TERMINATED PREGNANCY: You become pregnant and within a few months the pregnancy is terminated, without any explanation or discharge.

12 – SPERM SAMPLES: You believe you have had intercourse in the night or have had semen extracted from your body.

13 – PSYCHIC ABILITIES: You suddenly feel as though you have obtained some degree of psychic ability without any explanation for it.

14 – PARALYZED IN BED: Waking with immobility. For some reason you cannot move your body for a few seconds or minutes.

15 – BALLS OF LIGHT: Flashes of light or beams of light glimpsed through the corner of your eyes or seen directly, head on in your bedroom at night.

16 – DREAMS OF FLYING: Repeated dreams of having the ability to fly or of flying over your house or a familiar area.

17 – STRONG MEMORY: A very strong memory of something unusual such as floating through the air, lying upon an examination table, seeing a hypodermic needle or seeing a strange, skinny baby.

18 – COSMIC AWARENESS: A sudden interest in ecology, environment, vegetarianism or you just become very socially conscious for no apparent reason in your adult life.

19 – YOUR MISSION: You become aware of a strong sense of duty, a mission in life. You have a compulsion to fulfill a task in life but you don’t know exactly what it is or why you have this feeling.

20 – “SPECIAL”: You have a feeling that secretly, known only to yourself, you are special or chosen by someone, somehow.

21 – UNEXPLAINED EVENTS: You have had occurrences in your life which you cannot understand or explain to anyone.

22 – PSYCHIC: You have had the experience of knowing something was going to happen before it happened and then – it did happen!

23 – EYE DREAMS: You remember dreaming about large eyes. Usually familiar wildlife animals such as deer, elk, moose, owl, wolf or coyote. All you remember about the dream are the unusually large eyes.

24 – STARTLED: You awaken in the night, sometimes frequently, feeling a sense of panic or anxiety for no apparent reason.

25 – PICTURES OF ALIENS: You have an aversion to looking at any picture or drawing of an alien, similar to the greys shown on the cover of the book: “Communion”. (I had a weird obsession with the cover of that book and had to have it by my bed so I could look at it at night)

26 – FEARS OR PHOBIAS: You have inexplicable feelings of aversion to heights, snakes, spiders, large insects, certain sounds, bright lights, personal safety and/or a fear of being alone.

27 – SPECIAL PLACE: You have a memory of a special place with spiritual significance when you were a youngster.

28 – SELF-ESTEEM PROBLEMS: You have experienced that low worth feeling much of your life.

29 – SEEN IN SLEEP: Someone with you, a partner, become paralyzed, motionless or frozen in time, especially at or during bedtime.

30 – CRAFT OR ALIEN: You have someone in your life who claims to have seen a UFO, been abducted or has witnessed missing time.

31 – BLOOD: You have had times when you found blood, or small drops of blood on your pillow with no explanation how it got there.

32 – UFO’S OR ALIENS: You have had an interest in these topics in your mind with no idea why.

33 – AVERSION: You have an extreme aversion to talking, seeing or listening to any mention of the subject of UFO’s, aliens or abductions.

34 – BEING WATCHED: You have the feeling you are being watched most of the time, especially at night.

35 – SOLID OBJECTS: You have the feeling of having had your body pass through solid objects such as doors or windows.

36 – FOG OR HAZE: You have seen fog or haze when it should not have been there.

37 – NOSEBLEEDS: You have had nose bleeds at some time in your life without apparent cause or you have awoken with a nosebleed.

38 – SORENESS: You awaken with soreness in your genitals which cannot be explained.

39 – BACK OR NECK PROBLEMS: Your back aches without cause or you awaken with unusual stiffness in any part of your body.

40 – ELECTRONIC MALFUNCTION: Certain electronic appliances, (computers, digital watches, etc.) seem to malfunction in your presence with no explanation. Street lights going out when you walk under them or radio and television being affected when you walk by.

41 – RINGING IN THE EARS: Frequent or sporadic ringing in your ears on just in one ear.

42 – BEHIND YOUR EYE: A headache, especially in the sinus, or in just one ear.

43 – MEDICAL PROCEDURES: Dreams of doctors doing medical procedures upon your body.

44 – GOING CRAZY: Having the feeling that you are going insane for even thinking about these sorts of things.

45 – PARANORMAL: Experiencing psychic or odd experiences including intuition.

46 – COMPULSIVE/ADDICTIVE: This behavior either throughout your life or onset at adulthood.

47 – URGE TO TAKE VITAMINS: Do you feel compelled to take more vitamins as the years pass? Do you feel somehow it is helping ‘replenish’ your body? (I started taking a lot of vitamins very young. I kept telling myself it was just because I wanted to be ‘healthy’.)

48 – AFRAID OF THE CLOSET: Have you ever been or are you now afraid of your closet or any closet in the house, having to make certain the door(s) are always shut?

49 – SEXUAL OR RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS: Have had or are having an odd feeling that you must not become involved in a relationship because it would interfere with something.

50 – REMAIN VIGILANT: Fear that if you do not remain vigilant you will be taken away by someone.

51 – DIFFICULTY TRUSTING: Have trouble trusting other people, especially authority figures such as doctors.

52 – DREAMS OF DESTRUCTION: Dreams about catastrophes such as the end of the world.

53 – DON’T TALK: You have the feeling you should not talk about these things or that you are not supposed to talk about these things.

54 – SLEEP AGAINST THE WALL: You feel you must have your bed against the wall.

55 – LOCKING ALL DOORS: You double and triple-check locking up at night to prevent something or someone getting into your home.

56 – CHILDREN OR PARENTS: Have talked about things on this list or you have heard them talk to others about things on this list.

57 – NO SUCCESS: You have tried to resolve some of these problems in your mind but with little success.

58 – NO RECALL: You have experienced many of these traits but cannot remember anything related to an abduction experience.

59 – DREAMS OF FLOATING THROUGH WINDOWS

60- DREAMS OF FLOATING IN A BEAM OF LIGHT

61 – DREAMS OF ALIENS, DOCTORS AND OPERATIONS

62 – COMPULSION TO BECOME A VEGETARIAN

63 – COMPULSION TO STUDY ASTRONOMY

64 – COMPULSION TO STUDY QUANTUM PHYSICS

65 – EXPERIENCE SYNCHRONISTIC HAPPENINGS

66 – EXPERIENCE BEING OUT OF BODY (OBE)

67 – EXPERIENCE FLASHBACKS – (Strange craft, conference, corridors, glowing-misty oval room with table, alien exam, instruments, babies, hybrid children, ufo sightings, etc.)

68 – HAVE FEAR/WARINESS OF A CERTAIN PLACE  

69 – HISTORY OF FAMILY UFO EXPERIENCES

70 – SEE SAME NUMBERS ON THE CLOCK LINED UP (Such as awakening at 1:11 a.m. or 3:33 a.m.)

71 – SEE HOODED FIGURES, STRANGERS DRESSED IN BLACK

72 – AWAKE IN OTHER POSITION/CLOTHES MESSED WITH  (maybe you fell asleep facing your door, but you wake up facing the wall)

[admiralty-xfd]

Culmination

Mulder and Scully live separate lives but can’t seem to forget each other. They begin work on the X Files again and slowly begin to reconnect.

This is chapter 17. To go back to the beginning of the story please click here.

Side note: This is probably my favorite chapter in this story. (Read: Daggoo!)

ISOLATION

SCULLY

(pre S10/ My Struggle I)

Loneliness is a choice.

It’s a choice she’s making again, but this time it feels different. This time she feels like she has no choice. She could be lonely with him, or be lonely without him.

The thought of being lonely with Mulder was the more painful of those two choices. So she left.

Trying to adjust to a life without him has not been easy. She knew it would be a huge change, but she hadn’t anticipated how every single facet of her life would be completely new. New living space, new routine, new acquaintances, new mindset. She supposes that’s what happens when you're so utterly dependent on another person.

Scully had always vowed not to be that person, not to be someone whose very existence relied so heavily on another, let alone on a man. But she broke that vow to herself years ago, she knew it then and she knows it now. She’s left herself completely vulnerable, no safety net in sight. He was her only safety net. Extricating herself from his orbit has been more difficult than she’s comfortable admitting.

The first few days had been a relief. After that it became torture.

It was a horrible feeling, knowing he was a phone call away and she couldn’t talk to him. She had arranged with one of her doctor colleagues to check up on him weekly and refill his prescriptions, which he agreed to wordlessly. She'd told her colleague to contact her if she'd encountered any problems or was ever unable to contact him, and so far she'd heard nothing. This satisfied her, for the time being, in regards to his health.

Divorcing him was something she’d never seriously considered. She tried to convince herself she avoided the topic because she didn’t want to go through all the paperwork and rigamarole involved in dissolving their relationship legally, but she knew that wasn’t the truth. The truth was, she couldn’t do it. She wouldn’t do it. Regardless of whether or not they’d ever get back together, he’d always be joined to her somehow. The thought of adding to both their heartbreaks with such a request was unfathomable to her, at least right now.

Twenty years. Twenty years together and somehow they'd made it all go away.

She buries herself in her work every day, knowing every life saved is one more that isn't her own. She's trying to be happy, but without him, she's lost. She doesn't feel regret, or acrimony, or bitterness; just loss. She's lost the person she cares about more than anything in the world.

She hasn’t spoken to him, other than words necessary to get her things moved out of their house, in ten months. She took what she needed, left everything else behind.

She knows it’s because she secretly hopes she will be back someday, but whenever she thinks about the possibility of this she can’t bring herself to call him. It’s as if they are arguing again about Bigfoot or Big Blue or Big Whatever Else, and they both want to be right, and they can’t both be right, but neither can be proven wrong, so they’re left in an infuriatingly frustrating stalemate. She thinks about this, then, just as quickly, the desire passes and she puts the phone down and continues to learn to live without him.

She’s never gone this long without speaking to him since they met. The gravity of that fact is only setting in now.

Her phone rings. She looks at the caller ID, and doesn’t know why she picks up. She wants to be mad at him but she’s not mad at him, she’s just sad about the whole thing. She’s needed this space to re-establish herself as her own person, her own being. Someone outside of his magnetic pull. But she can’t help but miss him. She’s ignored his calls for months and he hasn’t given up. A small part of her is hopeful that he hasn’t given up.

“Hello?”

“Oh… hi. You picked up.” His voice sounds good, he sounds good. He sounds more like himself again. She’s glad to hear that. After she left she’d worried about the very real possibility he might relapse. The familiarity of his voice hits her in the gut, not to mention how sexy she’s always found it. She tries to ignore that errant thought.

“I did.”

“So… how is everything?”

She pauses. “Okay. How are you?”

“I’m doing all right. It’s been really quiet around here.”

“I’ll bet.”

“Yeah, I’m thinking about getting a dog.”

“You are not,” she says incredulously. She’d floated the idea of getting a dog before but he’d never bitten. He had always been more of a fish kind of person.

“No, I’m not. Just wanted to see what you’d say,” she can hear him smiling. She smiles and rolls her eyes in spite of herself.

“I’d have one by now if my apartment allowed them,” she admits.

“How’s work going?”

“Mulder, did you really just call to chat?”

“Yes. Is that so wrong?”

She’s quiet for a second. Sighs.

“Look, Scully, it’s silly for you to avoid me like this. Just because things didn’t work out for us as a couple it doesn’t mean we can’t be friendly.”

She wants to tell him that yes, actually, that’s exactly what it means. It’s only been ten months. What does he think this is, a vacation? She knows where being friendly with him will lead. It will lead to a place she doesn’t have the willpower to say no to, and then they’d be in trouble all over again.

She can’t tell him the reason they can’t be friends; she’d be admitting a weakness. He’s left her without a choice. She suspects, as usual, the motherfucker knows exactly what he’s doing. A brief flash of annoyance comes over her and she grits her teeth.

One point to Mulder.

“You’re right,” she concedes.

“Okay, friend, so how’s work?" She can practically hear him grinning on the other side of the line. She gives in, because in spite of everything she does miss him.

“It’s fine. My hours have been pretty crazy, but it’s a good thing.” She doesn’t complete the thought, that it’s a good thing because she has less spare time to think about him. But he’s probably completed the thought without her. He tends to do that.

“Yeah, I know what you mean. My hours around here are completely nuts.”

She hears a basketball bounce across the room and pictures him in their living room, probably wearing jeans and a T shirt, laying on the couch. She’s sure he’d been spinning the ball and had just lost hold of it. The place is probably a disaster without her around. She can’t help but smile.

“So what have you been up to?”

“You really want to know?”

She really does. “I really do.”

“Well, believe it or not, I’m writing a book. I’ve been following your advice.”

She’s stunned. “That’s… fantastic. I’m glad to hear that, honestly.”

“Thanks. You’re in it, you know.”

“I… really?” She hadn’t much thought about it but of course she would be. How could she not be?

“Of course, how could you not be?”

“Can I read it?” The words are out of her mouth before she gives herself a chance to think this through.

“Sure, but I’m not finished. Actually I’d really appreciate your help, I don’t have access to our files so I’m doing it mostly from memory.”

“It’s not all about UFOs, is it?”

“Well, I’m not gonna lie to you Scully, they play a part. Does that surprise you?”

She sighs. “No, it doesn’t. I’m just… done with all of that, Mulder. UFOs, aliens, all of that stuff had a stranglehold on my very existence. I’d rather not revisit it.”

He’s quiet for a moment. “Well, tell me how you really feel.”

“I’m sorry, that came out wrong.” She cannot get pulled back into his world. “You know what I mean.”

“Well, would it surprise you if I told you it’s mostly about us?”

Something stirs in her belly. It’s a feeling she knows well: Comfort. Familiarity.

Love.

She wants to push it away but it’s strong.

“You mean… you and me?”

“Yeah.”

She smiles and for a moment neither of them speak. It’s such a small thing, maybe even a silly thing, but it’s so meaningful to her. His life on the X Files in a book and it’s mostly about the two of them. She’s touched.

“Well, I’ll do what I can to help.”

She can't believe she’s essentially committed to helping Mulder write a book within five minutes of being on the phone with him. Between this and getting her to agree to a friendship she starts to believe the man truly is a dark wizard of some kind.

“Thanks, Scully. That’s… that’s big of you.” He says it genuinely, no sarcasm. For a moment they just sit quietly, together and apart, breathing on either end of the line. She wants to hang up almost as desperately as she doesn’t.

“Well, I should probably go.”

He sighs. “Yeah.”

“I’ve got some work to do.”

“Scully, I miss you.”

A knot forms in her stomach. The words are out now, and they can’t be taken back. She misses him too. She’d never want him to know how much, but he’s said it now. She doesn’t speak for a long time.

“You don’t have to say anything. I just want you to know.” He sounds sincere. He’s trying. She does appreciate his effort.

She can’t let this phone call take that kind of turn. She can’t get sucked back in. So she closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. She needs to let him go, now.

“Okay. I’ll talk to you later, okay?”

“Okay. Bye.”

She clicks the phone off and sits at her kitchen table. It’s a small table, the smallest one she could find, but it’s still meant for two.

***

Scully goes to the mirror and cleans up the spots of blood on her neck from the surgery she’d been performing. She quickly removes her scrubs in the locker room and changes into her street clothes. She touches up her makeup and straightens her hair. It’s the quickest she’s ever had to prepare for anything resembling a date. Last but not least, she pulls out her black Jimmy Choos and slips them on, replacing them in her locker with the sneakers she’d been standing on for hours.

God, she could use a drink.

She’d tried to go out with other men over the last year or so. After nearly two years without Mulder she thought she might be ready. She’d made a solid effort to find someone who could fill the gaping hole she created when she removed him from her life. But it would always go the same way: some perfectly nice guy engaging her in some perfectly boring conversation which, in the end, could never be a substitute for what she and Mulder shared. Always just some guy who wasn’t Mulder.

She could accept no substitutes. There was no relief in a silhouette.

It won’t stop her from trying. She’ll be damned if she can’t beat this. She beat cancer, for God’s sake.

She exits the hospital and Tad O’Malley is waiting for her, holding the door open to his limousine. She smiles and allows him to help her inside. They sit down and he immediately pours two flutes of Dom Pérignon. She’s impressed, in spite of herself.

“So… tell me more about your work on the X Files, Dana. I’m extremely interested.”

Christ. She doesn’t want to disappoint him the second this thing begins so she decides to indulge him for a bit. “What do you want to know?”

“Well, how do you feel about all this? Do you believe in the paranormal?”

A memory stirs and she thinks of Mulder, young and eager, asking her basically the same question over twenty years ago. Why can’t she stop these memories from persisting?

“I was assigned to the X Files as a scientist, so I come at things from a more rational perspective. But over the years I’ve had… experiences that defy explanation.” She’s recited this mantra so many times she wants to laugh.

“What kinds of experiences?”

She’s not sure where to start. The truth is, the most amazing thing she experienced was Mulder. But she can’t tell him that, especially after the way she practically badmouthed him to Tad earlier. She feels a little bad about that now.

She digs up a couple stories to placate him, and after a few minutes they are chatting companionably, sipping champagne. It feels like the beginning of a nice date. Until:

“And what about Fox Mulder? Does he really believe in these things? He seems a little disillusioned. Not what I expected, actually.”

She hesitates, not sure where to take this. “And what did you expect, Mr. ‘O'Malley?”

“Please, call me Tad.”

“What did you expect, Tad?”

“From what I’ve heard, he’s… passionate, driven, dedicated. Earlier today he just seemed a little… lost. Standoffish.”

Scully tenses a bit. This is unexpected, something she hadn’t anticipated. “He’s... had a rough few years. It’s been rough for us both.”

She’s instantly uncomfortable, not sure how much she wants to reveal. Unfortunately she fears she’s given too much away already.

“So… you two were in a relationship.”

She looks at him. “Is this really what you’re trying to ask me? Because you could have just asked me, so we can move on.”

“I’m sorry, Dana. I didn’t know it was a sensitive subject.”

She doesn’t want him to know how rattled she is. “It’s fine. Mulder is just… whenever these sorts of things take hold of him, he goes somewhere that it’s very hard for him to come back from. I worry about the effect it has on his health, that’s all.”

He looks confused. “But you two are… not together anymore, right?”

She looks Tad directly in the eye. “He’s been my whole world for the better part of two decades. I’ll always worry about him, whether we’re together or not.”

He looks a little chagrined. “I’m sorry, I really am. I didn’t mean to denigrate anything. Just trying to figure out where I stand here, is all,” he grins.

She smiles at him. Tad isn’t a bad guy, and he’s nice. He’s good looking, and charming. He’s a fucking Republican, it would never work for the two of them in any long term sense, but maybe just for tonight he could make her forget about everything else.

She tries to imagine what it would be like to wrap her legs around his face but as usual these thoughts always morph into Mulder being there instead. She flushes at a thousand memories that leap to her mind, and one very specific memory of the two of them in a limousine very much like this one.

“Do you need me to turn the air conditioning on? You look warm,” Tad offers.

She looks away towards the tinted glass. “I’m fine,” she replies.

Dana Scully is always fine.

MULDER

(S10/ post-Babylon)

Living without her has been nearly impossible. Actually impossible.

More than impossible.

As with most impossible occurrences in his life, Mulder has been forced to believe it, and motivated to search for the answer. He doesn’t have her with him this time, so it will be harder.

Waiting until he’d surfaced from his depression to leave him was such a Scully thing to do, it brought him comfort in a strange way. He knew she’d worry about him, and she was careful to leave him a lifeline. Her colleague had been courteous, punctual, and efficient, just like Scully always was, and he felt so guilty for hurting her enough to make her leave that he’d done everything the doctor asked of him to keep Scully’s mind at ease.

He didn't want to add to her pain. He hadn’t wanted to be the cause of it in the first place. He hadn't wanted to become the burden he’d so desperately desired her to be rid of.

It was strange… taking the meds and doing what he was supposed to do to get healthy was easier after she left, not harder. He wanted to be better. His only goal in mind was to make everything okay again, to get her to come back to him. It was all he thought about every day. It consumed his waking mind.

How do I make this right? What can I do to deserve her?

It wasn’t a new thought; it was something he’d thought about many times in the past. He’d never truly felt worthy of her and she finally told him with her actions he hadn’t been.

When she told him how she’d felt that night in his jail cell he felt something awaken inside him; something he’d known for a long time but hadn’t allowed himself to truly feel: he needed to earn her. Even though he’d allowed himself to be with her, to love her and let her love him, he knew he had work to do. He'd allowed his obsession to take hold of him in a way that should only have been reserved for her.

He doesn't fully understand this yet, but he's trying to. He will try as long as it takes, until he gets this right. Until he gets her back.

***

“I don’t know what I was thinking,” Scully laments as they drive towards the airport, the scruffy little dog in a cage in the backseat. “My building manager is never going to let me keep him.”

“Why’d you take him, then?” Mulder isn’t angry, or annoyed. Just curious.

“I don’t know, his name is Daggoo. It’s like he was meant for me. I couldn’t just leave him there all alone.”

They’ve been back on the X Files for a few months now and Mulder feels a sense of relief that things are starting to feel somewhat normal again. Well, as normal as things can be when the woman you love isn’t in love with you anymore, but is working with you; isn’t living with you, but is still married to you. That kind of normal.

He should be used to that kind of normal by now.

At least they’ve fallen back into the work as if they’d never left. He’s been needing something to focus on, and when Skinner asked them both back he didn’t hesitate. Scully didn’t either, though for understandably different reasons.

Getting officially reinstated into the Bureau was not the ordeal Mulder had feared it might be. A couple signatures here, some training courses they’d had to retake there, and they were officially FBI agents again. It was strange after having been on the run from this very organization for so long to be back in its midst, being given the trust he thought he’d lost so many years ago. He’s hardly certain he wants to give them his own trust again. But he feels content; back where he belongs. It’s nice to be Agent Mulder once more.

It was awkward when he had to disclose their marriage to the Bureau, however. The FBI doesn’t have an official policy stating partnered agents couldn’t be married, but Mulder was forced to admit they weren’t together anymore even though they hadn’t signed any dissolution documents. Skinner seemed genuinely disappointed by this turn of events, which Mulder found somewhat comforting.

He was a little ashamed that he was still susceptible to the pull of his obsession, however, and was worried that all that Sveta stuff had rubbed Scully the wrong way. But he knew Scully understood that there was something going on that was important, perhaps even important enough to put aside their differences and work together on the X Files as they always had to find a common goal; to search for a common truth.

He isn't sure yet if they share another common goal, which is finding their way back to one another. He feels as if this reassignment to the X Files was somehow fated; that it means something, not only for the X Files but for the two of them. He can only hope she can find it in herself to feel the same way.

Now they are driving in their rental car with a couple suitcases and a dog, like a family headed home from vacation. And apparently this dog is not going to have a home when they get back.

Scully’s hand is on her brow, looking sadly out the window. The sight of her in this state makes Mulder react more quickly than he expects.

“I’ll keep him,” he offers.

She looks at him, upset, and shakes her head. “Oh please, Mulder. You hate dogs.”

“I do not hate dogs,” he responds, somewhat affronted.

“You never wanted one when we were together.”

“There were a lot of things I didn’t do when we were together,” he says, turning his head to look at her.

She stares at him with her hands in her lap. He’s noticed this lately, she keeps her hands very close to her body most of the time, as if she can’t trust them around him.

“You don’t have to do that,” she says quietly. “I’ll find someone to take him.”

For a moment he decides to maybe just let her find someone else. He doesn’t really want a dog, he’s just trying to be helpful. He just wants that sad look on her face to go away. If it were anyone else he’d never have said a thing. But then he realizes what this could mean for them. If he takes her dog, and she allows him to, that could be a sign that she’s open to seeing him socially. If she wants to see the dog, she has to see him. It would be worth all the hair and the drool and the shit to get to see her at all.

He’s decided. He’s the one who’s going to take her dog, dammit.

“He’s going to live with me, Scully.”

She lifts her head up, wearily. “Are you really serious? Can you even care for a dog?”

“Scully, I had a dog once. I think. Plus we have- I have that big yard. He’s going to love it.”

He can tell she’s in already, but she’s faking mulling it over. He just keeps on driving because he knows she won’t say no.

“Okay.” She smiles at him. “Maybe this will be good for you. Dogs are great company.”

“I know you worry about me all alone in our little house,” he points out. He doesn’t correct himself and neither does she. It is their house. Both their names are still on the deed.

“You never cease to amaze me, Mulder.”

***

Daggoo has been great company, and no one is more pleasantly surprised than Mulder. The dog is perfect. He listens, is housebroken, and he doesn’t even shed. It’s as if he’s Scully in canine form.

Maybe that’s why Mulder loves him already.

“Daggoo! Here, boy!” He takes the dog out into the front yard and throws a tennis ball for him. It’s hard to do this on the weekdays, but weekends have become surprisingly filled with Daggoo-related activities. It’s nice to have something to put his energy into that isn’t self-destructive.

Weeks have passed and the two of them have fallen into a comfortable routine. They wake up together, Mulder lets him into the yard and feeds him, and just before he leaves for work Daggoo climbs the stairs and snuggles into Scully’s old side of the bed, napping for most of the day. It’s where he spends most of the day, most every day. Mulder never showed him where to sleep; the dog decided this was his place. The symbolism is not lost on him.

Mulder’s plan has worked; Scully visits at least once a week. For the first few weeks she focused on the dog, bringing food and treats and toys, maybe out of obligation or guilt that she’d saddled Mulder with this animal. But after a few weeks her focus is back on him. Some days he will sit out on the porch and see a familiar SUV pull up without any warning, Daggoo fast asleep upstairs. She doesn’t ask about the dog. Those are the visits he lives for; when she arrives for him.

They are slowly becoming friends again, partners again, and definitely not out of obligation. She wants to be there. Daggoo has become a buffer, an excuse for her to come visit, and he’s grateful for it.

“So it looks like you two have been getting along nicely?” Scully asks one day as they sit on the porch together, Daggoo running around the yard.

"Yeah, I guess I’m a dog person after all.”

“You see?” She smiles. “You look good, Mulder. You look really good. I’m glad.”

He grins at her, relaxed and happy. “I feel good.”

“How are you doing with your meds?”

“Stopped. Two weeks ago.”

She’s quiet and looks at him. “Are you sure that’s the wisest course?”

“I’m doing okay, Scully. I feel like I’ve found my way again. I haven’t felt this good in years.”

She looks genuinely happy, and tilts her head a bit. “I’m glad to hear that, really.”

He looks her right in the eye and says it. “I’m doing it for you, you know.”

She looks away, uncomfortable. It doesn’t matter. He will not give up, not ever.

She gazes out across the yard at Daggoo, jumping and biting at flying bugs. “He doesn’t try to run away?” she asks idly.

Mulder hasn’t moved his eyes from her face. “No. I think he might like it here.”

She finally looks back at him. “Dogs are simple creatures, with simple needs. I’m sure you can give him everything he could possibly want.”

“I guess so. He’s stuck around so far.”

This is what they do. This is how they operate. Dancing around a topic they need to discuss but cannot get down to it. He’s used to it, frustrated by it, but he can’t push her now. This needs to be on her timetable.

She holds all the cards. He only has a dog.

“I’m glad he seems to be happy here. I really appreciate you giving him a home.”

Mulder nods. “Anytime.”

Hours later, after she’s been gone for awhile, Mulder lays in bed and thinks about her. He does this every night, every night since she left. He imagines her laying next to him the way she used to, and he can almost sense her presence until Daggoo hops up onto the bed and reminds him she is gone.

The dog nestles into his side and falls asleep more promptly than any sentient being should be able to. Mulder scratches Daggoo’s head and tries to remember a time when he wasn’t so lonely, a time when she needed him the way this dog does. A time when he should have taken better care.

It doesn’t matter how long it takes. He’s on a mission. He’s going to make her see she needs him again too.

***

So much has happened and yet nothing has happened. Maggie Scully passed away, and Scully had asked him to go the funeral with her, but the sadness of the event had weighed upon them both far too much for him to consider any improvement in their relationship.

He’d been close to Maggie, especially since he and Scully married. It was an unforeseen side effect of marriage he enjoyed immensely: gaining back a family.

A large chunk of time had passed where they hadn't spoken to any of the Scullys while they were in hiding, and it’s one more thing Mulder can’t help but feel guilty about. She’d given up seeing her own family so that she could be his.

William’s adoption had been the last straw for Bill Jr., however. They’d seen Bill and his family once since they got married. As usual, he blamed Mulder for his family’s misfortune and as usual, Mulder took it to heart. He couldn’t deny responsibility even when Scully defended him. Bill Jr. and his family had been stationed in Germany years ago and he and Scully had kept their distance.

Maggie, however, had always cared for him like her own son, like he suspected a mother is supposed to. And he cared for her. After they’d come out of hiding she’d become his family too, and he loved having a real family again.

Now that she’s gone, it should be another reason for Scully to bring her walls down. But she hasn’t. She lets him support her however he can, but he can’t help but wonder if it’s only because she has no choice: he’s literally all she has left now.

He hates to see Scully hurting, especially when they are in this state of limbo, where he doesn’t know how to comfort her. He doesn’t know the right way. He will do anything and everything she needs, as long as she’s willing to tell him what that is.

The only thing he feels comfortable doing is listening, and holding her. She allows him to. So it’s what he does.

***

The months go by comfortably, although he can’t help but notice the time passing. Every time he and Scully see each other, be it at work or when she visits Daggoo, they fall more and more back into the way they used to be. At least, the way they used to be before Scully came into his bedroom that night and changed both their worlds forever. It’s hard for him to believe something so meaningful that took so long to happen could be undone so easily.

Being here again in this place, however, feels like a step backward this time rather than merely an interim because he knows their potential. He knows how great they can be when they are everything to each other.

He wants to get back there, desperately. But for now, he can only be content with their friendship. They’re spending most of their time together nowadays, and he can’t complain. It feels like old times, whether they are in the field chasing after a Band-Aid Nose man or strolling quietly around the house discussing heavenly trumpets. It feels like everything is settling down.

“What are you up to tonight, Scully?” he asks as he puts some files into their office cabinet and closes it, another long work day over. They’d spent the past three evenings together and he was hoping to make it four.

“I think I’m going to head back to my place tonight, Mulder. I’ve got some things to take care of.”

He tries not to be disappointed, but he has a sneaking suspicion she wants to keep some distance between them. He can’t decide if she’s just sick of him, or if she’s keeping some kind of arbitrary boundary. He doesn’t think they are quite in a place where they’d be in danger of crossing some physical line, but he’s not in her head.

Her feet are up on the desk and she’s perusing some autopsy photos from earlier that day. She tilts her head up and grabs the side of her neck, stretching it. Hearing her wince in pain, Mulder seizes an opportunity.

“Let me get that.”

Before she can protest, his hands are on her shoulders, kneading them the same way he would when she’d arrive home from a long day at the hospital. She puts her feet and her photos down but doesn’t try to stop him. He knows she won’t make him stop. A bath and a neck massage are the two indulgences even a Flukeman couldn’t get in her way of.

She breathes deeply and allows him to make her feel better. “Thanks.”

“No problem.” He knows they’re both actively trying not to think about where such an activity would typically lead them. Considering they haven’t said a thing regarding the status of their relationship, the concern seems to be unjustified, at least for the moment.

As he kneads the tension out of her shoulders he feels her relaxing. It’s been so long, so long since he’s been able to touch her like this and he misses it so much. He misses her so much.

“That feel okay?” he asks.

Her eyes are closed and she hums a bit. “No, you’re terrible at this.”

“You realize it’s a serious crime to lie to an FBI agent.”

“Okay, it’s wonderful. Thank you.”

He doesn’t want to say anything, he wants to just enjoy what’s happening but he can’t help himself.

“How do you like living alone?”

She doesn’t respond for a moment. “It’s been fine.”

Of course she’d say that. She’s always fine.

“I haven’t thought it was fine. Not for a long time. But having Daggoo around has been really nice.”

“I’m really glad that worked out.”

He can sense she’s not going to offer much, but he can also sense she’s open to hearing what he has to say, so he goes on. “It’s kind of like having you around again. He’s clean, and he likes to cuddle.”

“He’s like me? Does that mean he bites?”

“No. He kisses me when I get home from work, though.”

He isn’t sure how long they can continue this particular round of bantering before crossing into awkward territory. But then she does something he is not expecting. She reaches up to her shoulder and puts her hand over his. She pulls his hand into her cheek and slightly tilts her head into it.

“I’ll bet he'd never leave you.”

His heart stops. He knows it’s not possible but it feels that way. He can’t see her face, so he just looks at the back of her head. He squeezes her hand.

“He doesn’t have a reason to.”

They stay that way for what feels like a long time but is probably only a few seconds. Time always seems to slow down when clarity comes to the forefront.

She squeezes his hand back and then the moment is over. She stands and heads towards the door to get her jacket.

“Thanks for the back rub, Mulder. I’ll see you tomorrow.” She gives him a gentle smile, her eyes not hiding the sadness there.

“See you.”

She heads out the door and he just stands there, not moving an inch until he hears the elevator door closing.

***

He turns his key in the lock and enters the darkness of the house. The usual clattering of doggy nails doesn’t reach his ears and he instantly feels a sharp jolt of fear.

“Daggoo? Here, boy!”

Nothing.

Mulder’s long work hours required him to leave a doggy door for Daggoo to go out and do his business, but the dog always returned. He had never gotten around to building a fence because he’d simply never felt the need.

He goes from room to room, searching, but Daggoo is nowhere to be found. He goes upstairs to see his usual spot on the bed, a tiny indentation against Scully’s pillow.

Vacant. For the second time.

The sight of it brings him to the floor. He weeps for his lost friend but mostly for what his disappearance represents.

***

He must have fallen asleep because he wakes to Scully’s hand on his shoulder.

“Mulder? Mulder, it’s me.”

He opens his eyes and it’s still dark. She’s still in her work clothes.

“Scully? What are you doing here?”

“I… I changed my mind. I didn’t want to be alone after all.”

He smiles, then remembers Daggoo. How is he going to tell her?

“What’s wrong, Mulder? Why are you asleep on the floor?”

He can only pull her into a hug. She lets him and they sit together on the floor.

“I- I lost Daggoo.”

“Oh, Mulder,” she says, and just lets him hold her. “I’m so sorry.”

This entire thing is so confusing. Daggoo is his dog, but also hers. They share the burden, as always. But the walls won’t come down. The goddamn walls won’t come down. Someone has to start removing bricks.

“I don't know what I'm doing, Scully. I don't know how to do this. I miss you so much,” he cries into her shoulder. “This is so hard, I just wish you could feel what I’m feeling.”

Her arms go around him and she holds him close. After a moment she responds. “I miss you too, Mulder. I do.” Like any time she sees him break down, he knows she is crying now too. “Please don’t be upset. I’m here, okay? I’m right here.”

Her hands go to the back of his neck and she brings his forehead to hers. It’s a start, a real start, the way they have always started.

“Thank you,” he whispers. “Thank you for coming.”

She kisses his forehead and squeezes him tightly again. Something has changed, something has shifted. Daggoo may be gone, but Scully is here, and for now, that’s enough.

Thanks for reading! I’ll be posting a story about what happened to Daggoo later today :)

[sithlordintraining]

She’s No Angel (FINALE)

A/N: Haha it’s finally over (three years too late) hope this lived up to the “hype”. I’m very much glad this is over. IT’S THE END OF AN ERA!

She’s No Angel Masterlist

So don’t you close your eyes...

Rey was furious as she paced back and forth. “NO, I WILL NOT LET YOU DO THAT!” She yelled and Kylo stared indifferently at the Jedi. Rey continued to persuade him not to go through with his idea, but Kylo didn’t care. “No, that is my child and I caused this, I will make it right.” He said but she scoffed. “NO!” She yelled. “YOU CANNOT BRING HER HERE!” Rey felt herself grow hot with tears. You were the enemy, you were evil, you would drag him back down. “She’s evil, a-and that thing inside her is evil too, I felt!” Rey explained. “Something that young and unexposed shouldn’t be so corrupt and dark an-” “STOP IT!” Kylo barked. Rey stood frozen from the force. There was a knock on the door and it was the only thing that made him unfreeze her. Opening it, stood Leia’s assistant. “The General is ready for you.” The two nodded and Kylo brushed past her to follow. Rey was the one doing all the talking in the meeting, but all eyes couldn’t help but be on Kylo. Not only could they physically see him going through it but they could also feel it. “Ben,” Luke called out to his nephew and he looked at him and then his mother. “She’s pregnant,” He said. “With my child.” With crossed arms, he moved from his spot in the dark corner. “Snoke is going to use them and I don’t want to let that happen. I can’t let that happen if it wasn’t for me none of this would’ve happened.” He spat. “I know none of you will support my decision, but I’m going to help her. I’m going to save her.” Nothing was said as they all just looked at each other. “No,” Leia said. “We don’t support you saving a war criminal. But we will help you rescue your family.” Luke, Rey, and Kylo were quite shocked at her full support. But as she said, she was only helping because whether anyone liked it or not, this was now Kylo’s family. It was Kylo who took the lead on this mission and enlisted the Jedi for help. He also trained them to be able to block the probes of Snoke and the Knights. Leia and Luke supported him, while Rey struggled. She could not help him with training the Jedi, she felt that this was his problem that he wanted to solve. He shouldn’t have been doing this anyway. So what Y/N was having his child. The force that she had felt in that room had Rey completely terrified; she didn’t know if it was the child or the woman, but Kylo did not need that in his life. It seemed no matter how hard she tried to explain that it wouldn’t get through to him. It had to just be guilt. That was the only explanation. Rey just didn’t understand why he felt this way. But it didn’t matter, Kylo knew what he did an how much danger he had put her in. Everyone was boarding the ship as Kylo stood by the ramp. Rey walked up behind him and he turned to see her. “You’re coming?” He asked. She nodded before speaking, “I don’t think you should be this, but I can’t let you do it alone.” Rey said and he appreciated it. Stepping up he let her aboard the ship.

Another sleepless night had evaded you. Lucky was gone, Hux and Phasma were in rehab, and the Knights had been on a mission. So Snoke had you all to himself. He worked you even harder; he seemed to take out all his aggression on you and forcing you to use your emotions to fuel you. But you were tired, hurt, and sad. Your mother saw this but you begged for her to keep her distance. You could not afford to lose her too. You laid on the bad with teary eyes focusing on the large window on the ship. The baby squirmed as he usually did when he was in some type of distress. You began to get up but was stopped by the force and your scream was muffled by a large hand. From the dark appeared Kylo. Your brows furrowed as he sat on the bed beside you. “Don’t scream. It’s just me, I’m not going to hurt you.” Kylo spoke. Y/N nodded as he removed his hand. “W-What are you doing here?” Your voice quivered in fear and it hurt him as he also felt the baby’s force change too. “I’m here to save you, I’m going to take you from here, help you escape from Snoke.” You couldn’t help but be interested in this, but pushed out this thought in fear. “I-I can’t, he’ll find us. He’ll k-kill my mom, he’d kill me, h-he’d kill our baby.” You whispered. The word ‘our’ made his heart thump; after everything, you hadn’t disowned him. “No,” he shook his head. “I won’t let that happen. He won’t get to you.” But you couldn’t believe him, it was Snoke after all! “There’s only one way to stop him. Kylo, you can’t, I can’t.” Y/N shook her head. He could feel worry and panic start to rise within you. He tried to get you to calm down and he accidentally put his hand on your belly. He wasn’t expecting the surge of connection between him and his child. His brown eyes stared down in shock. You rested your hand on his. He looked up to see your teary eyes. “He’s so strong.” You said and he gulped. Power like this under Snoke at such a young age would be dangerous. “It’ll be ok.” Kylo said. He took on her restless and gaunt appearance. This was not how you were supposed to be. “You need to sleep, you haven’t been sleeping. Sleep.” Kylo coaxed you to lie down back on the bed. With the force, he put her to sleep. Peering down at the sight, he hesitated to lay beside her until his eyes fell to her nightstand. There beside Lucky’s charred dog tag was a pair of gold-rimmed glasses. Matt’s gold-rimmed glasses; his gold-rimmed glasses.

You awoke with a sharp pain in your head. Blinking the blurriness away, you tried to remember what happened last night, but all you could think about was Kylo. Was it a dream? You asked yourself as you looked around to see that you were alone in your room. Another sharp pain hit you on the base of your brain, you knew that all to well. It was Snoke beckoning you to the throne room. Quickly getting dressed, you made your way to the throne room with your entourage of Knights. She stopped right before the door as the baby began to move, hide. This wasn’t good, something was about to happen and she didn’t know if she was prepared for it. The doors slid open as she entered and immediately closed shutting her Knights out. You gasped because Snoke always allowed them in, what was so different about now? As you turned to look at the Supreme Leader and of course, right before him stood Kylo. You could feel your stomach drop as the events you thought you dreamed last night became true. Beady blue eyes stared you down beckoning you to come forward. Slowly, you did trying to keep your breathing at bay. But you were scared, fearful of what he would do to you, to Kylo, to your baby. Snoke hummed. “The last time you two were in the same room, you didn’t want to work together. Oh, how the tables have turned.” He placed his chin on his fist looking between Kylo and Y/N. Suddenly you gasped as your hands clawed at your neck.

Kylo’s movement came out as a jerk as Snoke caught him in a hold. “You want to save her?” He asked. “You want to save her now after everything you’ve done to her?” Of course, Kylo did, this was all his fault anyway. Kylo jerked again but had no choice but to listen to Snoke mocking him and the sound of Y/N’s shortness of breath and tears. But was worst of all was he could feel her and the baby’s panic, although she tried to keep calm. But all the memories of Snoke’s abusiveness that she had fall victim during her pregnancy was being projected into Kylo’s mind. Images of you being starved worked relentlessly, manhandled, pushed to the brink of exhaustion every time. And he knew after this, if he didn’t succeed, it would only mean death for you and corruption for his son. Kylo let out a guttural scream as he squirmed trying to break free of Snoke’s hold. Snoke chuckled as he emitted lighting from his fingers sending Kylo to the back of the room. “And you,” He turned to Y/N. “After everything I’ve given you and allowed you, this is how you repay me?” Snoke said. “He wanted nothing more than your demise and now that you’re not getting what you want, you run back to him. I’ve protected you, gave you guidance, let your precious trooper live and your mother when they spoke ill of me.” You began to cry harder as you pleaded with him. Pain pulsed throughout your body as you began to float before the Supreme Leader. Kylo secretly watched from the back. His plan was failing, you were going to die and he couldn’t let that happen. Snoke had taken his lightsaber; it was perched on the arm of the throne staring, mocking him.

Unbeknownst to Snoke, the saber began to turn toward him. Y/N’s teary eyes pleaded with Snoke, staring deep into his eyes. It was her that saw the evil look wash to confusion. The top half of his body began to slide off as a horse screamed escaped her from the sight of Snoke and her falling. But before she came crashing, Kylo safely planted her to the ground. All the Praetorian guards turned to them just as the doors slid open to reveal the Knights with Luke and Rey. “Get her out of here, we’ll handle this,” Luke yelled as all eight of them charged towards the guards. You tried to scramble to your feet as fast as possible but damn, pregnancy gets in the way of a lot of things. So Kylo rushed over helping you up. “BEN!” Rey called out. The pair turned to see Rey throwing the lightsaber over to him. He caught it and was soon helping Y/N towards the hangar. They were crossing the bridge when all of a sudden, Y/N stopped. Kylo tugged but she would not move. He turned to see her frozen expression. “What?” Kylo asked. And you shook your head. “I-I can’t do this.” You said. He wanted to ask a question but you continued speaking. “I can’t leave my mother, o-or Hux, and Phasma, I-I won’t tell them what happened but I c-can’t go with you.” Kylo shook his head. “Y/N listen, you have to come with me. They don’t care about you the way I care. They just care about controlling the galaxy.” Kylo looked you dead in your teary eyes. “And you don’t?” You asked and it caught him off guard. “Is that not what you want? Isn’t that what this is all about? This is why there is a war because two sides want the same thing?” You asked. “The First Order will kill anyone in their way, Snoke almost killed you because you were in the way! What makes you think it won’t happen again?” He snapped. “It won’t.” Y/N said flatly. “Y/N, I’m not going to stand here and argue with you.” Kylo grabbed your hand only to feel a type grip surround him as your nails dug into his skin. “Because Snoke is dead. He doesn’t control anything anymore, I do.” Kylo was confused before he felt pain throughout his body. “You think I’m going to with you after everything that you’ve done to me. You’re only doing this because of your new reformed ‘Ben Solo’ complex.” Y/N said. “All you and your family have ever done was cause war and hurt to others and innocent people because of your problems. That ends now.” Kylo opened his mouth but no words came out, he felt weak like all his energy was being drained. “Do you know why I put myself through that training with Snoke, it’s because I knew you would be after my son. I knew once you found out you wouldn’t be able to stay away and I knew your little Resistance pals would want me dead too.” A smile appeared on your face that was a striking contrast to the tears in your eyes. “He taught me how to drain energy. I’ve been doing it to him for some time that’s why it was so easy for you to kill him. I just need someone else to get him out the way.” Kylo’s looked up at her with furrowed brows as he dropped to his knees. It was all a setup. “You want to know why? Because you both wanted him, you both wanted the power, the control to get what YOU wanted!” Y/N felt the surge through her body as she smiled down at him. “I will no longer let the people of MY galaxy fall into the hands of your family.” A soft expression took over your features as you drained the last bit of his energy. “And to think, I’m the last person you thought would turn on you after everything.” Through hazy vision, he saw you, glowing with such energy and power, it was blinding. Ironic how you gained control of the dark side yet appeared nothing but light as your skin held a golden glow against the white dress you were wearing. The last thing Kylo saw before he closed his eyes was you in the most beautiful form he'd ever seen. “Angel,” Was the last words that slipped past his lips before his body went careening over the bridge into the dark abyss.

Months had passed, the Resistance had fallen. The death of the Solo-Skywalker clan, Rey, and other Resistance members and Jedi represented the end of an era. The end of the war. It was now time for a rebirth, someone to save the galaxy from falling into the likes of them again and it was you. Appearing in the effervescent glow that seemed to always cover you since that day. You already had a large following prior to your ascension to Supreme Leader, but now that you were, the whole galaxy seemed to bow at your feet willingly. Phasma hadn’t survived, but Hux did, cursed to be more machine than man, and your mother, those two always by your side as they watched you sway disheartened crowds to your favor. “Long Live Emperor Angel!” Was shouted from every planet, written on every credit. There was something about you that caused the whole world to submit to you. It might’ve been your beauty, your intelligence, your graceful authority, or caring nature. But it was your history, as you spoke for the first time, while you were still pregnant, about how the war and Resistance had taken everything from you. Your family, friends, the love of your life, and even tried to take yours; it was something every innocent civilian could relate too. You talked about your hardship on not being able to live the life you wanted, the life everyone deserved because of the war. Cursed to be an abused pawn by the Solo-Skywalkers, which became disgusted as everyone blamed them for the years of war. But, then you spoke of a new, of a blessing, the Universe blessed you miraculously with a child, and you too would help the people of the galaxy get a blessing as well. You feared every day approaching the due date that the Universe would curse for killing his father, but it was out of protection. He was yours to love and protect, to make sure he would never have to fall into fate's cruel hands. He was born in the now yours, palace in Fallania, on a full moon. He was so beautiful as you peered down at his sleeping figure swaddled in a cream blanket. Now, at three years old, he comes running up to you with the widest smile on his face: “Mommy!” You pick him up and plop him on his bed. As you look over his features, you can’t help but thank the universe. He looks nothing like him. He only has his ears, which are easily covered up by his (y/h/c) curls as blue eyes shine up at you with a few dusting of freckles. “Romulus, what story would you like mommy to tell you?” Y/N ask smiling at him. “A new one!” He smiles and you can’t help but to, too. You ponder over a moment before finding the perfect one: “A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away…”

HAPPY NEW YEAR'S FOLKS!!

It's been real y'all, hope this lived up to the "hype" that surrounds SNA (which also might be years too late). Thanks for all the support and hope you enjoyed this crazy series. Be sure to check out my others that won't cause you to rip your hair out and then glue it back on. Also, the new one that will be posted next month is:

The Trials of Sharing (Modern HS Au/Poly/NSFW) - Reader and Matt are clearly in love with each other and after being best friends for years they finally date. Everything is fine until Matt tells her of the deal that he has with his other older twin brothers, Ben and Kylo. Willing to prove her devotion to Matt, she endures this weird family activity. (ON AO3)