#I got busy and wasn't feeling it
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drawing has been going real slow. have this redesign I made a whiiiiiiiile back of dream and nightmare when they were kids.
took big inspiration from raggedy ann and andy (mostly andy). at first I'm made this just for fun. and then I figured it would make sense that dream and nightmare would look like plush toys when they were younger! something closer to their mom! who is a doll!
they move like andy too. all raggedy and sloppy like ragdolls. dream still moves like that even as an adult. though I think nightmare would move something closer to the taffy monster (or whatever his name is) now that he's gooey. but he would be a lot less overly animated I think.
#It's sooooooooo frustrating. I got a thousand things to share but my hand just won't draw#whatever. fun factoid for u. the crowns they wear aren't actually their's#It wouldn't make sense for them to have crowns here because they're not guardians or princes or anything remotely important#so they stole the crowns. they wanted to feel like kings.#mostly nightmare. dream just goes along with what his brother wants#I have so many things to say about them. since they travelled the aus since they were kids-#-there's a lot more that happened in that period of their lives. and they let a lot of people!#and since dream wasn't busy dealing with everyone's shit. and nightmare wasn't busy getting bullied#they spent a lot more time. being brothers. more than anything.#anyways. *explodes*#dream sans#nightmare sans#myart
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I FINALLY MOVED OUT TO A NEW PLACE!!!
i'm absolutely exhausted and i still need to unpack so many things and i still need to buy a proper desk and restock my groceries & supplies and a do a whole lot of other things BUT i'm hoping to get settled in soon so i can get back to the creative endeavors™️✨
love yall, stay safe, take care, and good vibes 🫶🏻
#rin rambles#i dont want to bog this with negativity but i do want to share stuff so imma do it in a way that makes me look forward and not backwards#honestly this wasn't the place that i actually wanted and got excited for several months ago#i had to make adjustments because unfortunately the landlord was a huge red flag and i decided i didn't want to sign#and sure enough she never returned my security deposit of 1.5months until this day despite saying she would every day for like a whole mont#and though it is hard and devastating i don't want to potentially sabotage my own future so i've decided to not take any legal action#i just hope. that that money can be of use to her in some way. get her out of a tough spot perhaps#it was a struggle to get to this point of actually feeling fine letting go without breaking down but!!! it's fine. i'm fine#and karma will find a way if it was truly done out of purely malicious intention!#i'm closing that book and stowing it away lovingly into a shelf because if anything it was. a powerful lesson.#as much as it sucks. never. ever. trust a person when it comes to business or transactions. no matter how 'put together' they seem#always have everything on paper and never EVER pay something until they demonstrate that they can be trusted#anyway#the people helping me move today were super friendly and nice and it made my day!!#and so far i love love love the privacy so much. a bathroom all to myself? a kitchen countertop?? for myself??? that's so crazy#i had to battle thru cobwebs and (fored to) cured my arachnophobia by force /j#and there was a power trip unfortunately but overall everything seems nice! i would have liked having the room on a higher floor but ah wel#ough my back........... _(;3」 z)_
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hey man. i'm just saying. why would we put inexperienced teenagers with over-inflated egos and obvious emotional issues into combat classes and make them claw their way to the top of their dorms and expect things to just run smoothly. who actually thought this
#the reason rsa doesn't have overblots is because they understand the joy and whimsy of life and friendship btw#LIKE. why is there no school counselor?? do you know how much time & resources & effort & TRAUMA we could have saved the students &#school from if ANYONE had reached out to riddle and was like 'hey are you alright i heard xyz and i wanted to let you know...' ESPECIALLY#since TREY LITERALLY TELLS US 'oh well here's the lowdown on her trauma this is Probably what is causing this'#or if someone sat down to tell leona 'hey! i'm rooting for you in ur magift(?) game! you're my fav player!!' AND LET HIM FEEL NOTICED#or if someone approached azul as an Equal to try to stop his plans. as a friend even. BEYOND A BUSINESS TRANSACTION#or if ANYBODY BUT ESPECIALLY KALIM was like 'jamil i think you should follow your passions and do something you enjoy today!!' or AT LEAST#let him know he was appreciated as a person NOT JUST FOR HIS WORK#'i know you're doing a lot today but i just wanted to thank you for how much Effort you put into this and..' etc etc etc#ERM.. IF ANYONE TREATED VIL LIKE A HUMAN BEING AND NOT A CELEBRITY??? or even 'hey i loved you in this film i was wondering if we could#do a play together or something..!!' AND LET HER TRY A TYPE OF CHARACTER SHE NEVER GOT THE OPPORTUNITY TO BE. and sing her praises.#if anyone reached out to idia beyond a 'hey the teacher said to come to class'/'get out of your bed and come to our housewarden meeting'#or even. IF ORTHO HIMSELF was like. 'you know it's not your fault... you didn't cause all of this. not really' OR SOMETHING#or if malleus ever got to experience a small firsthand loss AND WAS COMFORTED THROUGH IT. not just quick fix via magic. not replacing. just#GRIEVING SOMETHING??????? and wasn't feared by literally everyone#um. maybe the real twisted part is that all of this tragedy was easily preventable if we had a support system in place.#but idk. twst is a highschool. there's no support in real high school either. i'd probably overblot too if i could ajdjrjfinfdndjd#twst#chatter#LONG RAMBLE SORRY#yes overblots are essential to the plot. but also. do you know how frustrating it is watching the blot build up and sitting in silence.#I'M SORRY IK IF SOMETHING LIKE THIS WAS HAPPENING TO A GUY I JUST MET I WOULD PROBABLY NOT NOTICE.. but of it was my Friend or Housewarden..#I'D ASK BRO.... I'D ASK ... UGHHHHHUUUHHHH#not that anyone would notice if *I* was about to lose it tbh#speaks volumes about our society o think#OKAY NOW I'M DONE FOR REAL
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My main thought watching the hbomberguy plagiarism video.
Original art by @ajthebumblebee ; https://www.tumblr.com/ajthebumblebee/709893248470106112/this-seems-to-be-what-ive-learned
#misogny#ajthebumble#Sourcing information is my passion#hbomberguy#artist on Tumblr#youtube#you tube#drama#lgbtqia#queer#Gonna copy down what I wrote in my YT comment.#Seriously there comes a point where just citing your sources is so much easier than the hoops these people jump through.#And it can be fun! I love looking at sources and just knowing who told me these ideas.#It makes me feel connected and in community; which I assume is the fear of every business major in marketing.#ALSO the fact that what got Illuminaughtii caught was that someone was stealing her editor's ARTSTYLE is not a coincidence IMO.#She wasn't mad because someone stole her creativity. She was mad because she thought someone stole her branding.#That's all an artstyle is to a buisness. It's sad that younger artist are taught that you're worthless without unique style.#It isn't plagiarism to innovate or add to it in a way that feels good and right to YOU.#Plagiarism isn't paraphrasing. It's saying you didn't when you did.
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I am so beyond ready to quit this job. Wednesday cannot come fast enough.
#to be fair it's bc school starts again in a few weeks#but idk. every day at this office feels like sandpaper on my skin. people always ask me shit i dont understand#and every case is so individual there's no set checklist to follow to troubleshoot#so most of the time I just grind my gears and get stuck#it'd busy more days than not.#and it was advertised to me as data entry only. client interactions was not what i signed up for.#it's all client interaction.#we're short staffed so nobody gets to take the back office and have a break.#when we weren't short staffed i was the new guy and only got 1 day in the back a week while everyone else got 2.#all my coworkers are conservative but talk like they're apolitical.#i thought it'd be fulfilling bc im helping people get benefits#but many are rude or impatient as any other service job. I'm constantly trying to direct people that don't want to listen#or explain the intricacies of something i barely understand.#and i don't want to lead people astray bc you have to start over if you blow a deadline.#but there's just nothing redeeming that i enjoy.#i hate customer service. i hate constantly asking questions. i like seldom few of my coworkers.#i can't be me at work.#and i don't care about the work itself anymore.#this job made me cry every day for weeks last month from sheer stress and overstimulation.#i almost cried myself sick several times.#the only reason I'm not there anymore is bc i dont fucking care anymore.#it took me 2 months to burn out. 2 months!#i was training for half of that!!#idk. everyone decided i was smart and could pick it up quickly so. even though everyone else got 4-6 weeks of shadowing#you can make do with 3 before you start doing stuff solo.#which feels unfair. i wasn't ready for it. and i resent the decision quite a bit.#plus it's been a nightmare for me in terms of external stressors and my generally deteriorating mental health. so.#all in all. i hate it here.#and i can't wait to turn in my notice so i can gtfo in 2 weeks#i am so tired. free me. let me go back to my music please
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Ok, back to girlblogging eheh (๑•̀ㅂ•́)و✧
#wren text tag#like I said I got busy with my finals and I still have to take 2 exams in a week or so#and I know I could have been online in the time being#sadly I got ill and had to take antibiotics for the third time since the beginning of this year 😂 didn't feel like being silly#or drawing stuff in general sorry 🙏 mostly I tried to get better#there's no way I will have to postpone those finals#very funny how this month I wasn't online all the things happend#final chapter of StS: ND is out and oh boy#they announced a new Lady Oscar anime and * Oh Boy *#also a new Magic Knight Rayearth might drop in some time (oh boy but we will see)#oh yes I think Lore Olympus should finish soon bc I remember reading the announcement some time ago#and Roll20 got hacked again I'm 😐😐😐 can you please stop getting hacked I don't want my email full of spam again 😊💖#btw I haven't read the latest chapter of ND yet. I think I will wait until it gets published in italian (hopefully 🙏🙏🙏)#tho that doesn't mean that the second I logged in I saw 300 posts abt it 🤨 lol I cannot escape spoilers I guess#but IDK guys... I've seen some reviews and I had a “is this a jojo reference” kind of moment that I cannot explain#well I have the vague feeling of knowing how to explain it but also I will wait until I've actually * read * it#yeah now I will go to check my inbox byeeee 🏃♀️🏃♀️🏃♀️#I never get tagged in anything but for reasons I was? Obv when I was in my sickly victorian child era and I couldn't do anything for it#Wren arriving late to the party once again lmfao 😂
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i relate to peter parker because i’ve had six crushes this year alone
damn son save some for the rest of us!!
#sci speaks#i think i've only ever had one crush in my life. wilding. i wish i fell in love easier. it feels wonderful.#oh the people with hyperactive hearts...#i wish i had felt this way at some point when i was younger. it kind of felt like my heart wasn't fully developed yet.#holds my heart in my hands. why were you such a late bloomer. why didn't you feel more things earlier on.#i'm kind of sad that i didn't have teenage crushes or anything. i feel like i missed out.#is it because nobody around me was appealing. or is it because i was too busy on my own planet.#i think i wasn't really close with a lot of people when i was younger. i kind of never came out of my shell.#so nobody got close enough to me for me to like them.#not that it's necessarily how it works. but it takes a lot for me to get there with somebody i think.#i think a lot of the relationships i've been in i'm still To This Day not even sure if i actually liked them back in that way.#squeezes my heart in my hand. why are you so fussy.#i wish i had more experiences under my belt. i really do. but also i don't want to be in situations that are uncomfortable either.#and i don't want to just be there for the sake of it.#lies on the floor and stares at the ceiling. i don't know what i want.#is love the answer?#i don't know. sometimes i want it more than anything. but it's such a ball-ache to get. sometimes you think you're better off without it.#i wish i knew what i wanted. i think i just want to be brave enough to find out.#why do i ramble so much in my tags. it's like tumblr is my therapist or something.#i'm feeling weird about myself lately. just kind of a little tired. i don't feel bad. but kind of perpetually low-energy.#like i never have the time to do things that make me happy. and when i do get the time i don't have the energy.#is this what it's like to live in this world. i need like. a year's break from work. i think.#i need like a year-long vacation. i need a gap year. i need a year to live life.#i wonder if it's financially viable. i think i'd eat through everything i have if i did that. but.#you can get money back. you can't get your time back.
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had a day that made me think oh that was a bit heavy on the symbolism, wasn't it
#j. talks#went to visit my brother in his uni city and also connected it with an event there#I know this event because I went there once with a uni course that of course was with my fave former prof#so I know she's usually there but it's a bigger city and Friday and there are a lot of things at different locations#chances are not zero but I thought come on if anything it will be casual running into her#well as I was waiting with my brother and a whole crowd of people to be let in who do I hea#and see :))) yeah it's my fave prof. and I told my brother and he told me to go and say hi but there were so many people already talking to#her and also going there and saying hi so I simply couldn't. I literally froze our shoulders were nearly touching but she wasn't even facin#me and taking and I just followed my brother and he was like???#what was that?? and I didn't know. and he asked my why I looked so shameful out of all the emotions I chose shame#and I don't know. I don't know why shame I consuming me no matter where I go. but she was busy and imagine I go up and she has no idea who#am anymore. they had to burry me right there and then. so that was that :) now#the name of that street of the location burned into my memory as I was facing the wall well it's the name of [redacted] who I never really#get over and it's been 10 years now soon. and we had a similar experience in December :) where I would have loved nothing more really than#to talk (in Decembar definitely also other things that I miss on some days very much) but I barely got a wave#so yeah :) I actually had a great day but I am more than overwhelmed. I feel like crying and hiding#taurus season is apparently not here to save me? idk#is this all about wasted potential and shame stopping me? maybe. but how the fuck do I get it out of me
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I saw the part. I saw it.
*miserable head shake*
#bladerunner 2049#I watched it mostly for ryan gosling#eyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee I am soooooooo bummed. that he wasn't the one after all.#but he got to know the feeling of being a naturally born human#BTHUGFDKSX I AM SO SAD FOR HIM NOOOO UGHHHHH DAMN IT WHY DID I WATCH THIS#it's good! but my feelings are all wobbly and yucky and I don't...AUGHHHHH!!!!! *throws table across room*#get back to me in 1-2 business days I should be fine then
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on the bus experiencing moral dilemmas
#the ticket machine wasn't working so my payment didn't go through and the driver told me to go sit down and check with my bank account#If the transfers actually went through#And then come sort it out later if they hadn't#And they've not gone through but this bus is too busy and I can't get back up#Without losing my seat for an hour#And I've got an awful leg injury so I can't really . Do that.#But. I need to sort out my ticket#I probably couldn't stanf up and get to the front if I tried my best#But he doesn't stop long enough to sort it out any other time#And I don't want to bother him but I don't want to not pay and I also don't want to fuck up my leg.#I have a plan but I'm going to feel really bad about it while I wait for the bus to get more empty so I can get up and pay#(guy who only recently realised he might just have moral OCD)#I'm kind of an awful person for not being able to do something. Should I kill myself yes/no?
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Observe: this is the face of a man who does not want to spend his day selling/changing/collecting money for water filters
For the love of god woman just give me my money and stop with the water filter crap
#i get that tifa wants to keep him close and keep and eye on him#because honestly this is only like 2 hours into the game#and already his hallucinations have posed a threat to innocent members of the public#i'm side eyeing you marco#and also he's clearly a danger to himself#but honestly all this water filters and cats and bullshit#makes me question the wisdom of my new replay#you know i'm a busy person and all#i feel his pain#because i have a job where every day things happen that make me go#ffs i got a degree from one of the world's top universities for THIS?!#ALSO#what the hell are they doing wrong in terms of managing that bar yhat the water filter thing makes more money?#that bar should be a gold mine all things considered#that bit wasn't about my job by the way#just got carried away#cloud strife#mercenary by day brita salesman by night#final fantasy vii remake#ffviir#ff7 remake#ffvii remake#ff7#ffvii#final fantasy vii#final fantasy 7
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“do you have all the support that you need [for sweden]?”
#tomgreg#''i'm not okay'' wig tom :))))#man what can i even say about this part like literally what can i say#it feels less like he leans to greg when something is wrong with shiv and more like he leans to greg when he's fucking terrified#why would someone like greg EVER make you feel safe in a business world. unless you were enamoured with him.#unless you felt like you were on top of the world with him. invincible. unstoppable. unless you TRUSTED him with your life.#unless it wasn't about business at all. or at least not completely.#idk idk. you could say he couldn't exactly call shiv bc of the state she was in and yeah you could say he needed to cover his ass.#true. that's all true. but i think that regardless of that. it's important to remember greg asked if tom wanted him there earlier#and tom denied it but in actuality he really fucking did need him.#he could never predict he'd lose his big connection; that logan would die. of course not. he could never predict he'd suddenly#become unsafe and the rug pulled out from under him. but if he could you KNOW who the fuck he'd take with him.#it's also important to remember that it's only to shiv and greg that he ever admits that he's not okay/hurt. that he ever lets down the wall#greg is not amazing with his words but i think to hear his voice was enough to comfort tom a bit. and when he made the joke#greg calmed him down. he didn't even chide tom for making a joke about greg looking like a suspect. he was too focused on#listening to tom and making sure he got it all.#they're sOOooo. ughh#sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. SIgh#sorry for the long ass cap posts but like. sometimes you Gotta cap it and not do a video like this Deserves caps
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Sticky Business was so cute and so much fun but the sticker orders really drop off after you complete the character stories which is a bummerella
#please feel free to ignore this#I'm playing Sticky Business#It's gamebro#I bought the DLC so I even got more game for my game but it wasn't enough!#I recommend checking it out but maybe not for the Switch lol#I found the controls a little hard to get used to I think a mouse is really the way to do it
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weird dreams/nightmares relating to work...
always about not getting all the info/instructions and then getting passive-aggressive'd by higher ups about not doing things like I was told to do as if I had gotten the full instructions...
#it's like this whenever I work with that one coworker. she's so sweet but a little ditzy...#idk if the managers never give her clear enough instructions or if she really only listens half the time#but either way. this broken game of phone we're playing without anyone wanting to give clear instructions if i ask to confirm sucks lol#like it's always YOUR COWORKER HAS BEEN TOLD ALREADY SO WE WON'T TELL YOU AGAIN >:/#sorry i wanted to make sure we got everything when she was so confused and i wasn't there to catch any info to begin with...#took a 3rd manager to ask in our stead to confirm what exactly we were supposed to do lmao#anyway. no big deal but still. clearer instructions without all this passive aggressiveness would be nice...#maybe they were all stressed as the business is booming (summer break) and it's the end of the month (taking stock of every item)#nothing against me or the coworker. but still. feeling kinda not good about getting treated that way
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I think I've fucked up
#i ranted to my girlfriend and i know she probably is just busy but my brain is screaming that i made her upset even though..#my rant was about my own situation and how i feel about it and then i apologized for complaining at her and said that i wasn't supposed to#and I'm worried she thinks she's not supposed to complain to me when i just meant that i don't like telling people about my shit#and i know she said i could tell her and that she wants to support me but she and my boyfriend are my first relationships#and i don't want to fuck up and i think i have and i haven't told my boyfriend about my diagnosis yet#and I'm scared I'll complain at him too when i tell him and i don't care that he's told me i can and should complain to him#i don't want to saddle them with my complaints#and i called out of work because of how I'm feeling from my diagnosis and that's what i ranted to my girlfriend about#and i'm terrified she doesn't want to date me anymore because my reaction to being diagnosed with one more thing is so fucking pathetic#and i just need to cry and scream and throw up and i can't do any of those things and i feel like everyone except her is telling me#it's no big deal when it is a big deal and i don't think i got it through to my therapist and I'm just freaked out and i don't want to cling#and and and I'm just. i hate existing right now#i feel like i shouldn't do what i want to at home because i called out from work and i know that's stupid but i don't feel like i deserve#nice things right now despite needing them and I'm just so tired but not sleepy and i feel like I'm going to have a panic attack and#i can't even do anything about it!#fuck#i fucked myself over basically#anyway#drink water you heathens
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afa;ldf;lakdflk;asdf urgh sorry i've been MIA i unexpectedly got super busy with the grant and my grand rounds and having to pick up shifts for people with emergencies/illnesses/moving PLUS my 'graduation' is tomorrow so i'm all over the place AHHHHH
#... AND fellowship number 2 starts in literally 12 days WHY DONT I HAVE MY SCHEDULE YET#i really REALLY wanted to finish the path to paradise by end of june but honestly i dont think that's happening#the most batshit thing i did on monday is cover for a shift at hospital A from 8am-6pm then cover a shift at hospital B from 8pm to 7am.#and they were both INSANELY busy#the first is just a consult shift so it wasn't too bad#but the second is my icu community shift and GOD#this person coded at 2am and i probably didn't leave her side until at least 5 am#its just INSANE. INSANE that i didn't get called before she coded#like i think the reason all my codes at this hospital get ROSC is because these people would NEVER have coded at the academic one#and this is FAR from the first time this has happened#you. you let this woman. sit on the floor. with BPs in the 70s. for HOW long? you left this OTHER woman completely obtunded on a bipap?!?!?#for DAYS?!?!??!?! WITHOUT TALKING TO THE ICU?! AND ONLY CALLED WHEN THEY GOT HYPOTENSIVE?!#this is horrifying. like legitimately. must be nice to practice shit medicine and when your patient crashes just wipe your hands and let#the icu doc deal with the fallout#i realize i signed up for this#but it always feels crappy when i can't tell families 'yeah no the reason your loved one is dying is probably because they were mismanaged'#and i'm gonna keep it real with you chief. its the racism too#hospital A is in the rich part of the city#hospital B is close to the border with mexico#less densely populated/less desirable areas hire less desirable doctors (all staff really)#its often like 30% people who care about the community#and 70% of people who can't get jobs elsewhere#and the economic disparity even between branches of the SAME HOSPITAL SYSTEM is staggering#healthcare in america is a fucking joke#also. like.#in rich person hospital A monday#got a consult for this guy who is a 'medical mystery'#seen at a bunch of different hospitals by a lot of different doctors#...and i'm 90% sure the way he got his lung disease is by crushing up pain and/or anxiety meds and injecting them#but see the reason no one suspects this. is because he's a wealthy white man
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