#I guess I have to properly tag this thing as its own fic right? lol

[pupuseriazag]

Blue Tarantula 2/??

(Don pendejo (me) added too many things he wanted to do during vacations and now is suffering the consequences of not being able to organize himself and forgor to upload chapters days before perdonenme pls ando medio pendejo anyways heres another one)

Some mumbling around dragged me back into consciousness, the harsh white lights now were dim and I was laying sideways, my stomach still hurting but now from hunger. 

"Lyla, give me the report." He came back.

"Uhh they have stabilized but are still in weak condition." 

"...That's strange." I heard him approach me. "Hey, ¿Estás despierto?" 

I tried to keep my eyes closed, not moving a single inch.

"Rox." 

"¿Qué queres?" 

He sighed in relief. "¿Cómo te sientes?" 

"Hmph" 

"Esa no es una respuesta." 

My stomach growled audibly. 

"..."

"Tomaré eso como respuesta. Lyla, ask Pedro to bring something for them." 

"Okey!" I heard the lady reply.

"Supongo que tuviste tiempo para pensar y tranquilizarte." 

I remained silent.

"¿Desde hace cuanto tienes hambre?" 

"¿Hace cuanto te fuiste?" 

"8 horas."

"Desde hace 7" 

He sighed again. "Me lleva la ching- ¿Por qué no usaste el panel de asistencia?" He sounded slightly annoyed.

"..."

"Rox."

"No quiero creerte." I finally admitted. 

"¿Perdón?" 

"...Me rehúso a creer lo que dijiste. No tiene sentido y es algo estupido… pero no logro encontrarle sentido al porque hay cosas tan… futuristas, aquí." 

I just don't want to engage in this situation anymore.

"Mira, Rox." His tone softened. "Sé que es demasiada información. Pero quiero que sepas que hago esto por el bien de todos. No solo por mi bien, o el tuyo." I turned my head to him. "También el de todas las personas." 

"...." 

"Sé que no es fácil. Pero déjame ayudarte." 

"Respondeme a algo." I sat again. "¿Por qué yo?" 

"Serias de gran ayuda, todavía estoy empezando a reclutar gente. Pero estoy seguro qu-" 

"¿Por qué yo?"

He closed his eyes for a second. "Porque esto involucra a tu universo tamb-"

"¡¿Por qué yo?!"

"...Porque no iba a permitir que murieras de una manera tan estúpida, suficientes personas han muerto ya y no quiero ver ese número crecer. ¿Ya estás contento?" 

"Yo no necesitaba que me rescataras. Nadie ha estado ahí para mí y ciertamente no necesitaba intervención de parte de Don Pendejo Colmillos" 

"¿Un gracias por lo menos no se te puede salir?"

"¡¿Gracias de que, imbécil?! ¡OH GRACIAS POR RESCATARME DE MI DESCANSO ETERNO! ¡AHORA FELIZMENTE TE AYUDARE A QUE EL UNIVERSO NO EXPLOTE! ¡TE PODES IR MUCHO AL CAR-!" 

"Uhm… should... I come back later…?" We both turned our head to another person wearing a similar suit, but with an apron on top and a trail with food.

"No no, come in." The big guy crossed his arms. "I'm pretty sure the insufferable attitude will stop once they get their damn meal." 

Asshole.

The other "spider" dude approached the bed, putting the trail on my lap, the silence was deafening.

He got to the door and waved bye with his hand, leaving awkwardly after finding us fighting. 

I took a glance at the food. It… definitely looks like food, at least the edible kind.

"Come." He demanded. "Que todavía estás débil." 

"¿La envenenaste?" 

"Come." 

I took the plastic spoon, carefully taking some of the rice on the plate and bringing it closer to my nose to see if I could smell it being laced.

The man rolled his eyes dramatically. "Es un puto arroz con pollo, ya deja de ser tan dramatico." 

"Dramático el vergazo que te voy a dar en la jeta." I mumbled before taking the first bite, slowly chewing the rice and trying to taste anything suspicious in it.

…It was a pretty damn good rice.

I took another bite, but still not wanting him to believe all my suspicions were gone.

I heard him huff. "¿Siempre eres así de desconfiado?" 

"¿Siempre sos así de metido?" I kept eating, my face softening without me realizing since the food was so good.

I hadn't had eaten such a good meal in a while, I cant fucking believe I'm falling for this ruse. 

We stood in silence as he watched me eat, making sure I did not left anything as if I was a fucking child.

But surely, my temper had calmed a little after finally eating some food. 

"Puta que rico" I sighed and mumbled under my breath.

"Eso debiste haber hecho hace horas, ya te sentirías mejor si por lo menos hubieras comido." 

"Callate"

"¿Te da pena admitir que estabas equivocado?" I swear this bitch is taking me to my limit. 

"Callate." 

"Goshhh you two are so annoying" The little holo woman appeared again. "If nobody stops you two you're going to end up fighting until you're old" 

I crossed my arms. "Well then, you tell me." I addressed her. "Tell me he is lying" 

"As much as I would love to snitch and say yes… He actually is not lying" 

"Not you too…" I brought a hand to my face.

"I think I know how to make this easier." She zapped from side to side until reappearing at the door and opening it. "Ta-da!" 

"Layla, what are you doing?!" He got up from his seat.

"If you don't let them see outside they are not going to believe you, Miguel." 

I threw the trail to the side and launched myself towards the door, nows my chance.

The burst of adrenaline I had in the moment helped me run from the hexagonal hallways until I found myself face to face with a massive tower with several floors… and a lot of those other people with spider suits.

No… it can't be…

I shot a web to go to a higher floor with glass windows, running up to them to look outside, this has to be a joke.

I saw green plains and futuristic looking skyscrapers, things that looked like flying cars going around them. And as much as I tried to shove my face into the window to confirm they were tv screens… I couldn't.

I'm… I'm actually not in my world.

I covered my mouth in panic and took a step back, trying to regulate my breathing as the situation began to overwhelm me.

"Excuse me… are you ok?" Someone put a hand on my shoulder and I immediately shrugged it off.

"DONT TOUCH ME" I yelled and ran away again, to nowhere and just somewhere I could feel safe.

I want to go home, I don't want to be part of this, I did NOT ask to be part of this shit. I want to go back to my stupid universe where things make sense and there are no buff men holding me hostage. (Nota de Zag: no sea pendejo mijo)

I ran until I found myself in a corridor with dim lights, and my legs collapsed to the ground making me fall to my knees, trembling with fear and anxiety.

My eyes were watery and my breathing became irregular. Sobbing and letting my tears fall on the floor.

"Porque… ¡¿Porque?!" I let out to myself and closed my eyes, finally breaking down in tears.

I heard quick steps from behind. "See? I told you they would not go far" it was the voice of that woman, he must be also with her.

"Rox-" 

"Dejame ir…" I sobbed. "Déjame regresar a mi hogar…" 

"Entonces ya te diste cuenta de la situación." 

"¡SI! ¡Y NO QUIERO SER PARTE DE ELLO!" 

"Para tu desgracia, eres parte de esto desde el momento en el que te convertiste en spiderman"

"¡PUES RENUNCIO!" I yelled and tried to take off my suit. "¡YA NO QUIERO NADA! ¡SOLO QUIERO UNA VIDA TRANQUILA!" 

I was about to take off the top part of my suit when he got closer, his shadow covering me completely.

"Ciérrate el traje." 

"¡OBLIGAME!" I turned my head to him and he grabbed me from my sides, putting the top part of my suit again and closing the zipper in a swift move.

"No tienes más ropa aquí, y no voy a dejar que andes por ahí desnudo solo por un berrinche." Still holding my side, he helped me get up effortlessly. "Te llevaré de regreso, no estás en buena condición." 

"¿Sabes que me hará sentir mejor? ¡IRME A MI PUTA CASA!" 

"¡EL BIENESTAR DE TU UNIVERSO ESTÁ EN PELIGRO! ¡DEJA DE SER TAN EGOÍSTA!"

“¡PUES NO ESTAS AYUDANDO! ¡CADA VEZ QUIERO MORIRME MÁS!” 

The holo lady appeared “They’re right, you’re making it worse” 

He released me and I turned to see him, sticking my back to the wall behind me.

“Hey what’s all this ruckus about, Miguel? Did anything bad happen?” Another one of those people came closer, this one maskless and casually approaching the big dude. “Can’t you see you’re scaring this poor girl?”

“Not a girl.” 

“Ah, my bad.” He leaned on the big dude. “Poor thing is having a rough time and you’re intimidating…” He looked at me, like asking how to address me.

“Them” 

“Them, right.” He continued. “That way you’re not going to have that many people join you.”

“Alright, let's see YOU do this then. I’m done trying to explain in any fucking way shape or form how their universe IS IN DANGER-”

“Yeah yeah yeah, go get yourself a cup of coffee, ok? I’ll talk to them and make sure they are ok”

“Peter.” 

“I know, I know. But don’t worry, I got this” He winked at him.

I trust this place less now.

“Ya estoy hasta la chingada, ya haz lo que se te dé la puta gana. Pero después no vayas a decir que no te advertí” He finally said while pointing his index at my chest.

He left to the other side of the tunnel, entering through a door I had not seen into god knows where.

I closed my eyes for a moment, finally he was gone.

“Hey-” He tried to put a hand on my shoulder and I slapped it away. “Ok ok, sorry.” 

“Tell me where I can get the fuck out.”

“Woah, easy there” He moved his hands downwards. “First you gotta relax, I’m not gonna take you anywhere.”

“You don’t get it, I don't want to be part of this.”

“And why is that?”

“What do you mean “why”?! I don't want to have the fucking destiny of MY universe in MY hands.” I continued. “That dude just came to my universe, supposedly rescued me from my death and comes telling me now I have TO PROTECT MY UNIVERSE?!”

“I know it must be too much-”

“IT IS! I DON'T WANT TO BE PART OF THIS! I DIDN'T ASK FOR THIS!” I grabbed my suit from my chest. “DYING WOULD’VE SAVED ME”

“Hey don’t say that.” He interjected. “Your life is worth living”

“You don't even know the shit I’ve gone through.”

“Well.” He put his hands in his pockets. “I’m all ears.” 

“...You… want to hear my story?”

“Everyone in this place has a story to tell, after all. We’re all spidermen.” He turned on his heel, walking away. “Come with me, let’s chat somewhere comfortable”

I let him walk for some moments, until he turned and signed with his hand to follow him.

He took me to another area, one that looked more like a lounge with tables and expensive looking booth seats, by far the most familiar thing I’ve seen in this place. 

This dude is far more friendly than whatever Don Pendejo 

“Ok let’s start from the beginning.” He offered me his hand. “My name’s Peter B. Parker.”

I looked at his hand, and slowly shook it, returning the gesture. “Rox Reyes.”

“Great! Nice to meet you!”

“Same… I guess.”

“I’m listening.” 

I took a deep breath, preparing myself mentally but feeling less stressed now that at least someone tried to make me feel comfortable and not threaten me… I’m still not completely convinced these people won't hurt me tho… but I guess talking about my misfortunes won't hurt.

And minutes later I found myself still ranting about everything with Peter, everything from my life before and after I turned into Tarantula… it feels better to finally talk about this with someone else, specially with someone who actually understands me (or at least pretends to)

All of these very specific problems I’ve had, Peter always continued it with a “I know right???” “Oh yeah, that tends to happen” “I remember my first time doing that!!” He even showed me his own webs when I questioned if he was really like me… he even took a pic of the spider that bit him… which is something I didn't think of when it happened to me.

“Peter, I want to ask you something… but I want you to be completely honest with me.”

“Sure.”

“No no, I’m being serious. It may affect my choice.” 

“I promise I’ll be honest.”

“Ok…Are you all really going to save your universes… or is this just an elaborate joke to make me speak and probably use me to cause more evil in “my universe” because you guys are actually just Alchemax employees and not actually spiderpeople?”

“Thats certainly a mouthful of a question”

“Please respond.” I lowered my gaze. “ I… I’m just scared and-”

“No no, I get it. I would’ve also thought the same if I had gone through what you lived through.”

“So…”

“Have some trust in us, that’s all I will say.” He gave me a reassuring smile. “I know Miguel can be intimidating but that's just because he cares so much about this mission. After all, he is the one hosting us.”

“What?”

“Yeah! This is his place and his universe. You could say he is the “leader” and the one who started this fight to keep the multiverses safe.” He laughed it off. “But don’t worry, he may be grumpy and dramatic, but he doesn't not mean harm.”

I looked away, remembering his fangs and talons… I don't know why that is the part I believe less, he certainly looked like he would rip me in half if he wanted.

“Suuuure”

“Give him a chance, I’m sure you two will get along… after all he…” Peter stopped, thought about it and shook his head sideways. “I’ll let him tell you that part.”

“What is it?”

“I’ll just say, he also had his rough moments in his life.”

“That doesn't excuse him being an asshole.”

“Does it excuse you from being one?”

I- He-... 

He left me fucking speechless I was not expecting him to read me like that.

“No offense of course, I know you’re just trying to make sense of this.”

I crossed my arms. “Gotta hand it to you, Peter… you gagged me.”

“...Do I smell bad?”

“No no, it's… it's just a dumb saying. I was just not expecting you to say that.”

“Oh, ha ha!” 

“...I guess you’re right. I acted ungrateful after he… well, just did what he thought was right.”

“You know, there was once a time in my life where I felt like the only thing that could save me was death as well.”

“You?”

“Yeah, I had a rough time when I was... maybe slightly older than you.” He continued. “I divorced my wife, my aunt passed away and I was depressed for a long time.”

“Sounds rough… wait, didn't you say you’re married?”

“Yeah! We remarried after I came back from another universe and I decided to give it a shot, and here I am.” He smiled, probably remembering stuff. “What I want to say is that things do get better, Rox. Even if it feels like it is a never-ending nightmare.”

“Even if I have heard that same phrase since I was a teenager and things only continued to go downhill?”

“Even if you feel like that. Who knows? Maybe this is your chance to have a better life”

“I wish you were right.”

“What stops you from trying?”

I thought about it for a second… if I come back now and choose to stay, it means I will be returning to my old life… Lonely, depressing and stressed old life. The safety of my universe won’t be my responsibility… but I’m bound to fall again by one of those anomalies if it happens to be slightly stronger than that cyborg.

And if I stay… I’ll now have the responsibility to deal with those anomalies in my universe and in someone else’s universe… But I won’t be on my own, I’ll be surrounded by people who according to Peter... will gladly lend me a hand. 

…And even if I want to end it all… I wouldn’t feel good knowing that my universe… my mom… would soon disappear.

I don’t want my universe to perish, I just want to disappear from it.

Still… I’m not sure if I do want to have the responsibility to do so.

“...Myself, I guess.”

“I won’t pressure you to choose. But! It would be good if you gave it a little more thought, after all, it's your life.”

“...”

“But remember Rox, whatever you choose.” He placed a hand on my shoulder. “You’re not alone in this.”

He smiled genuinely at me and his phone started ringing. 

"Welp, that's my sign to go home." He patted his knees and got up.

"You don't stay here?" 

"No, I can't." He said touching some things with his futuristic watch. "My wife and I expecting sooo, It’s time to go and take care of her" 

"Oh I see, congrats." I said politely.

"Thanks. Also also!" He pointed at me before entering one of those weird glitching portals "Don't get intimidated by Miguel, ok? Take care Rox!" 

And so, Peter entered the portal and left, leaving me alone again.

I thought about the things Peter told me and their mission in the spider society and how I had ended up in such a…weird situation.

[throughalleternity]

For the writing asks:

👀🤡😈🤗

and 🧠 for Alex?

If that’s too many feel free to pick and choose! Hope you’re having a good day :)

Hey there! It is not too many, and I have in fact rambled quite a lot:

👀 Tell me about an up and coming wip please!

So, whether this will actually be posted is anyone's guess since I've been starting and not finishing things, but my focus right now is the genderfluid!Lucy + Director Sanvers sex convo that I never thought I'd post, so that's been fun to start digging into again. The vibes I'm going for are probably like "To love and to be loved"—them figuring out boundaries together, a little fumbling, and a lot of love. And it kicks off with an airborne packer, hence "dick fic" in my tags lol (kudos to @endersbegin for that setup and for nudging me to write!)

🤡 What’s a line, scene, or exchange you’ve written that made you laugh?

I do not consider humor a skill of mine 😅. I think my attempts at humor end up as silliness rather than wit, and I wouldn't say I laughed, but this one was fun in "I love you snow much":

“The view is beautiful.” Alex [said.]

“It is.” [Lucy's eyes dragged] over Alex and Maggie for a moment. “The lake and forests aren’t bad either.”

Maggie snorted... “That’s the best line you could come up with, Lane? Sounds like you’re finally running out.”

Here, it's (a) me enjoying the lightheartedness, and (b) me grinning at myself for kinda lampshading this moment, where I'm like, I'm not witty enough to properly write Lucy like that, so I'm going to write an eyeroll-inducing line and then try to convince you that Lucy's usually better than that.

😈 Has there been a point in a story where you did something just to be playfully mean to your readers?

Hmm, I'm pretty nice I think, so not really! Or like, if I'm mean to a character (and I suppose the reader by extension), then it's usually not in a playful way 😅.

🤗 What advice would you give to new fanfic writers that are just getting started?

Common advice, but it bears repeating: write what you want to read. Writing is (or at least can be) super hard! But hopefully it's also enjoyable, and a little bit (or a lot) of some self-indulgence is one of the best ways to make it fun, imo. I think that's especially true when you're first starting out—just building up some experience writing fic does a lot on its own. You can worry about the minutia in later fics or later edits. So I'd say that writing begets writing, and the most important thing is to just put some words down on the page and enjoy the journey.

🧠 Pick a character, and I’ll tell you my favorite headcanon for them—for Alex

A nb!Alex hc snippet, because I couldn't restrain myself:

The first time they see a nonbinary character on TV, it doesn't do much for Alex. And maybe that's weird, they wonder. They couldn't tear their eyes away from the screen while going through the list of shows and movies that Maggie gave them, the ones with women and sidelong glances and touches and kisses.

But whatever, it's fine. Alex figures that the representation just isn't all that important to them anyway. They've started volunteering at the LGBTQ center with Maggie and Lucy when they can, and that by itself—seeing kids grow into themselves, and actually setting up a nonbinary young adult as a mentor for kid who's not quite sure what he is—that's a type of fulfillment that Alex hasn't found anywhere else.

So Alex shrugs and doesn't worry about it. Adding a nonbinary character as a criterion for finding what to watch would make it that much harder when they were already trying to account for their girlfriends' tastes.

It's not until later, cuddling in the middle of the couch next to Lucy, a barely-awake Maggie propped against the arm, that Alex really gets it. Because this time, this character, this story—

The work part of Alex's brain that never completely shuts down wonders if someone has finally managed to hack into human brains, because with each passing moment, mere pixels and sound waves resonate more with something tucked away inside them until feelings come surging up to the surface.

"You okay?"

Alex startles, hurrying to blink away the tears Lucy's spotted. "Yeah." They try to compose themselves, pulling their hand away from Maggie's to wipe at the corners of their eyes. "Yeah, I just..." They make some sort of noise in an attempt to explain, finally letting their head fall against Lucy's shoulder, sighing when she kisses their temple.

"I thought you might like this one," Maggie stirs, finding Alex's hand again and squeezing.

"Yeah," Alex says weakly.

"Yeah?" Maggie sits up off the sofa arm, shedding the vestiges of her half-sleeping state to study Alex. "It's okay if you don't. I didn't mean for it make you cry."

"No." Alex picks her head back up, shaking it back and forth. "No, these are good tears. I, I really loved it."

"I'm glad." Maggie smiles and tucks herself into Alex's side when they hold their arm out.

"You going back to sleep?"

"Probably shouldn't," she says, closing her eyes anyway.

[Okay sorry to abruptly end, but I'm cutting myself off because this is just fluff now 😅]

[lemonpils]

Sandy Situation

Summary: Reki burries Langa in the sand out of boredom, but after he sees Langa being a grump, he decides to take matters into his own hands.

authors note: ahUJFHNUJIEHN TY ALL FOR THE LOVE ON MY KAEBEDO FIC LIKE OMG?? I WASNT EXPECTING ANYONE TO READ IT LOL, ANYHOO ENJOY SOME RENGA BECAUSE I LOVE THESE HOOLIGANS

“Reki, for the last time, can you stop splashing me.”

“Oh cmon! We’re at a beach! And besides, I thought you liked the ocean!”

“I do, but not at every given second.”

The gang had ventured off on a so called ‘vacation’, taking a cruise ship to a another island across sea to give Reki a chance to relax. After his beef with Adam, he was not only physically wounded but also mentally, he needed a little getaway to destress. 

But that also gave him a chance to be quite the annoying little pest.

He had already bugged Miya as much as he could, before the preteen stuffed his mouth full of sand. He couldn't hang with Joe because frankly- no one could find him, he was probably off with some chicks. Reki also made the attempt to talk to Cherry, who was too busy reading to even show the slightest bit of care, and well Shadow- he was already annoyed with Reki for being the so called ‘chaperone’. So Langa was the one stuck with his antics.

“M’booorrreed..Lets play a game or something!”

“If its a game that involves me getting into the water, I’ll pass-. I’m tired Reki.” Langa was laying under the umbrella on a towel, with Reki hovering over him, ideas pouring out of his mouth.

“Can we play tag?”

“No Reki.”

“Hide and seek?”

“No-.. Where would we even hide.”

“Uhh... Volley ball?”

“I said I’m tired.”

“Then- can I bury you in the sand?”

“Wh-.. I mean, I guess thats fine.”

Reki let out a victorious “Woohoo! Yea!” before he began digging out a hole in the sand. The bluenette watched as his friend scooped handfuls of sand creating a Langa-sized pit in the ground. His nails were all stuffed with dirt underneath, his hair was a mess, he was really excited to finally be able to do something with Langa. “Alrighty! Im done, so get over here and sit.” Reki gestured towards the pit, resulting in Langa hopping up off of the towel and walking over.

“Now go ahead and lay down, but remember to sit your head at the top.” 

“Mhm, okay.”

Langa slid into the hole, making sure his head was at the right spot, but then he noticed an issue. “Uhh- Reki.”

“Yea Langa?”

“My feet.”

“What about’em?”

“They dont fit.”

Reki looked down, and there he could see, the hole was too small for his feet to fit in properly. “Oh thats fine, just place them on top! Besides, you dont want the sand worm-things biting them underground right?”

“SAND WORMS?” 

“Annnyways-! Lets get started!”

Langa sighed, watching as the red head took buckets of sand and poured them across his body. The pit slowly filled up, until only his head and feet peeked out from the sand.

“Baha! You look so funny!” Reki slapped the sandy ground, very amused by the Langa head poking out of the sand. “Eh- shut up..! It was your idea!” Langa tried to take his hand out from under the sand to point at him, but took a gulp once he realized he couldn't move an inch.

“Oh come on Langa, lighten up a bit! You’re supposed to be having fun.”

“Yea, well- this isnt fun for meHEe! Reki- no. Dont you dahAhahare! Nohohaha!”

The last thing Langa expected was to be thrown into a fit of giggles, peering down to see Reki using one hand to gently flutter over Langa’s trapped foot. 

“You’re gonna have fun whether you like it or not Langa!”

“Rehehekihi! Thihihis ihihsnt fahahair! I cahahahnt mohohOhOVE!”

The blue haired boy squealed as Reki used another hand to spider up his other sole, both of his feet being succumbed to the torment. “Wow Langa, your feet sure are ticklish, I’m hardly even touching you!” That was true, Reki wasn’t really using that much pressure, just gently gliding his fingertips over his soles, but for some reason- it tickled so bad.

“GheHEhaHh- staHaHaHAHp! RehEhkihihi!”

“Why should I? Look how much fun you’re having!”

“BehEhacAUse ihIHt tihIHICkLehEHs..!”

“Awwww Langa-! Thats the point, now... how about these toes?”

“CohohOmE ohOhn ReHehEki- pLehehea-nohEHaHeHA!”

That poor boys feet were tickled until Langa could only speak in giggles, but Reki’s ‘have fun’ method was working. He could feel himself relaxing, his smile becoming more natural. But the red heads fun wasnt over there, he had another trick coming to his mind as he moved up towards Langa’s head. “Hey Langa, are you having fun yet?” Reki ruffled his hair, staring innocently at the teen.

“Ghehheh.. That was awhawfull...”

“Hm, guess you need some more anti-grump treatment!” 

“Huh-..!? Wait Rekihihihi! Eheheheek! Nohohaha-!”

Langa was once again succumbed to the torture as Reki tickled him, but this time; on his neck. His blunt nails began scritching and scratching around the sides and back of his exposed neck, and all Langa could do was plea.

“Ehehehee! Rehehekihi hehaha! Plehehehahase!” The blue hair boy dissovled into squealy giggles, his neck wasn't that sensitive, but Reki always found a way to make it tickle a lot more. It was some sort of best friend technique he had.

“Are you having funnnn?” Reki teased, his hand still fluttering against his neck.

“Yehehehes! Yehehes nohohow quihiht ihihitehehehe!” His giggles soon faded as Reki’s fingers slowed to a stop. The immature red head sat there admiring his victory, Langas face was beat red, his hair was full of sand and there were wet marks on the corner of his eyes. “Well then, how was that~?” Reki asked, awaiting the only answer his friend could say.

“Nhheheh...Ihit was fuhun..” Langa threw is head back onto the sand, taking the moment to breath.

“Thats what I like to hear! So then, wanna play a game with me?” 

“Fine.. What is it?”

“Let’s see how long you can go without laughing!”

“Wait Reki-”

“Ready...”

“Reki wait-!”

“Set..”

“Reki cmon..!” 

“Go!”

“GhehehaHA-! ReHEhEkIHI!”

[aminiatureworld]

Injury

Characters: Albedo, Childe, Diluc, gn!reader

Word Count: 3,657

Warnings: Blood, injury, slight violence, minor villain death 

 Premise: Sometimes the pain of others can hurt even more than one’s own. In which the reader is injured. 

Author’s Note: Week 3 of keeping up my writing schedule let’s go! This week is a bit angsty, my forte (I think?) As usual part one – with Albedo, Childe, and Diluc – will be posted tonight and part two – Kaeya, Xiao and Zhongli – tomorrow.

At first this was going to be both your injury and your recovery but then the first character hit over 1.5k words so I guess this is going to be a pseudo-series. I really don’t know the definition of concise lol.

In the first part of my last fic I realize I gendered a word. I’m super sorry about that, and I promise to fix it and tag properly next time. Childe gets to go into the stone forest cause I say he can. I’m not sure if waypoints are diegetic or nondiegetic. I decided to make them so. Also the first hospital in China was opened in the early 1800s, and I know hospitals aren’t very “fantasy” but Teyvat has good medical science in my book.

Albedo

Throughout his life the one thing that Albedo never truly understood was peoples’ obsession with modesty, even when it was false.

There was a lot that Albedo was proud of in regards to himself; his intellect for one, his curiosity, his abilities as an alchemist, the fact that he feared little in the world. Above all perhaps was the pride he held in carrying himself without falling into hysteria, his grip on his emotions was impeccable and whenever he was unfortunate enough to see others gripped with a heavy emotion he was always left with a sour feeling in his mouth – a disgust for someone who had so little sense they couldn’t even control themselves.

This was a pride that left him quickly enough upon seeing you injured.

It wasn’t meant to be a dangerous expedition. It’d merely been a check of the vast network of caves and tunnels that could be found in Dragonspine. A route affair, mundane even in how simple it supposedly was. There was nothing to be afraid of. Albedo had told you that back at home and you’d smiled in agreement. Yes, there was nothing to be worried of, a few hilichurls at most and a temperature that could be easily kept in check with the right preparation. You’d be there and back in less than a day, no problem.

Everything, however, had gone horribly wrong. The cave that you two intended to explore turned out to be a vast network, full of tight tunnels and half submerged under freezing water. You two had managed that well enough, although once Albedo had almost slipped and fallen into the underground river, the whole outlook of the expedition was looking drearier and drearier.

Eventually you’d reached what had seemed to be the heart of the cave, floor after floor of ice with a hole in the middle, all lit up by crystal and scarlet quartz. It was an impressive sight to be sure and you’d stood a little ways away from the edge, observing the way the light refracted off the ice coated walls, waiting for Albedo to be finished with his sampling, enjoying the awesome sight in front of you.

Albedo had just finished when you’d let out a yelp. Whirling around he saw what had captured your attention – a wild snowboar who’d managed to wander in. The two of you watched the very confused creature in awe, only staring as it stomped the ground and charged right into the wall.

That was a mistake.

All of the sudden the cavern started shaking violently. Cursing the boar for its terrible – or maybe impeccable – aim the two of you sprinted towards the exit. You’d managed to gain the lead, not bogged down by Albedo’s extensive equipment, and had turned around near the beginning of the tunnel in order to help him. Just as you were heading back one of the many icicles that lined the roof of the cave came undone, landing with a sickening thud right where your collarbone met your spine.

You’d dropped like a rock, and Albedo felt his stomach to turn water and his mind turn to static, as suddenly all logic seemed to leave him, instead replaced by dread so overpowering he seemed to lose track of his surroundings, chained to the ground by something greater than himself.

You groaned and time seemed to unfreeze itself, instead accelerating at a breakneck pace. Leaping into action Albedo immediately dropped all of his equipment, the sound of glass vials shattering muffled by the cases that held them and the panic that was gripping him. Hauling you over his back he ran through the tunnels, wincing every time you made a sound and biting his tongue every time he shimmied through a particularly tight spot and it seemed it might not let the two of you pass as you were.

He could feel the blood seeping through his gloves. Your blood. Only a few minutes ago he wasn’t even sure that icicles could make one bleed. Now he wished he’d never found out, wished that he’d never asked to explore the caves of Dragonspine, wished that you’d never agreed to it. How could he have been so foolish, so blind to the dangers that waited in vast caverns of ice and snow, where the slightest wrong movement could spell your death.

Albedo could’ve cried when he sighted the camp. Indeed he might’ve, realizing that there were frozen tears on his cheeks only after you’d been taking to the medical tent. He hadn’t noticed, hadn’t noticed anything really in those terrifying moments between when you’d gotten hurt and when he’d made it to the camp. It all seemed not to exist in his mind, washed away by the emotions that had wracked his mind and body. Even now he couldn’t stop shaking, couldn’t stop the tide of emotions that was crashing into him like a wave, utterly helpless as he was thrown this way and that.

The pride that he’d clung to was in tatters, and Albedo looked upon it now in disgust. He’d been so innocent, so foolish, perhaps mercifully so. But all that was gone, and his certainty had gone with it. There was nothing left of him almost; nothing except fear and anger and worry, and Albedo wondered when he might ever feel sure of everything again.

It was cloudy when you were released, arm in a sling, brace around your shoulders. Albedo wasn’t sure how much time had passed, it had seemed like an eternity. The urge to run up to you and wrap you in the tightest hug imaginable was intense, but the sight of the brace held him back. Instead he brought you hand up to his face, kissing your palm before holding it against his cheek. You smiled at that, but there was fatigue in your eyes and you said nothing. Albedo couldn’t blame you. He moved to let go and turn towards the path, somehow feeling unworthy of holding your hand after being the cause of your predicament, but you quickly grasped his hand once more. He smiled a slightly shocked smile, but made no move to let go.

As you two walked back to Mondstadt Albedo felt himself once more flooded by negative thoughts. Lowering his gaze so he was looking at the ground he paused for a moment.

“I’m sorry.”

Albedo found his voice cracking, tears welling his eyes even as he chastised himself for how stupid he must’ve looked. You were safe, you were going to be alright, the head of the clinic had said so himself. Why then did he still feel like he might crumble any minute? Shaking his head he moved to cover his face with his hand.

“Hey.” There was still fatigue in your voice, but there was also an urgency in it. You squeezed the hand you were holding, moving so you were facing him. “Hey, is it okay if you look at me?”

Albedo moved his head up slowly. He was truly crying by now, having given up all efforts to do so otherwise. You smiled softly as his eyes met yours.

“I’m alright, okay? And you shouldn’t blame yourself for this. I doubt that even the drunkest man in Monstadt could’ve guessed a wild boar would wander in a cavern and start a cave in. You can’t control fate you know.”

“I know.” Albedo forced the words out, although more and more it seemed impossible, his throat was too constricted to be anything more than barely coherent. “Still. I should’ve known. And I should’ve kept it together. I, why am I crying? Why wasn’t I in control? Why, why am I still not in control?”

“Because you’re human Albedo.” You replied, shaking your head slightly. “You’re the most wonderful human alive, but you’re still human. You mustn’t beat yourself up for what you are. I’d rather you cry anyways. There’s nothing noble in hiding your emotions, they must come out one way or another. So please, please cry all you want, long and hard. And tomorrow you can start your penance, alright?”

“Penance?” Albedo mumbled, still crying. You nodded, smile still nothing but fondness and understanding.

“Well someone’s going to have to help me for the next two months. And I know you’re too much a gentleman to make me stumble along myself.”

“Of course.” Albedo’s answer came fast and sure. He paused then, realizing that, by distracting him with the weeks to come, you’d managed to give him a pocket of time to calm himself, to feel himself once more firmly planted on the ground. Love mixed with anger and sadness in his mind, and for a moment he could only marvel at you.

Albedo leaned down to kiss you on the forehead. He’d do whatever he could to help you, this he promised himself. And this too he promised himself; you’d never ever be hurt on his watch again.

Childe

If there was anything that Childe hated it was a lack of control. The feeling of everything slipping through his fingers was something he’d felt often as a child, and that feeling had haunted him. When he’d signed up as a member of the Fatui he’d promised himself that he’d never feel that way again. He’d protect those he loved and he’d keep his life from falling apart. It was a promise he was determined to keep, no matter what.

You two had decided to go hiking. Or rather it was less of a hike and more of a rock climb. Childe had long bragged that the Huaguang Stone Forest was the most beautiful place to watch the sunset, and you’d finally gotten a free weekend. Waypointing your way there initially, your partner had taken an almost childlike joy from choosing which mountain was the highest.

“Childe have you decided yet? The sun is almost at the horizon.” You called out at the Harbinger. Childe was, much to your dismay, the stronger climber, and had taken to scouting ahead of time to see if the spot you were climbing to was any good. Now he glanced down at you, mischief written all over his face, his smirk flashier than usual. He put his hand on his chin and looked outward once more.

“Hmm… I don’t know…”

“Childe!” You exclaimed, your arms slightly killing you. You really wish that you’d convinced Childe to bring a roped and belay. Unfortunately that request had been met with a whine and an accusation of “that’s cheating!” You’d laughed it off at the time, but now you were starting to regret your partner’s recklessness. As much as you were enjoying your time – being alone with Childe always felt intensely special and you cherished every moment of it – you were also impatient to actually watch the sunset, and in your hurry you wondered if it might not be faster to climb back down and watch from the bridge.

“I do believe that we’ve found the tallest one!”

“Thank the Seven.” You groaned, hurrying to get to the top. Childe chuckled, watching you scale up the mountain.

“Oh come now, I had to make sure it was perfect! Besides you looked so comfortable perched there, it almost hurt to disrupt you.”

“When I get up there I’m killing you.” You shot back, reaching towards the ledge. Still laughing Childe stuck out his hand and you moved to grab it, pushing off with your feet as much as possible, determined to make it up the mountain in the next move.

The laughter died from Childe’s lips the moment your hand missed. Instead it was replaced by fear, cold and sharp as a knife, plunging straight through his heart. Time seemed to slow down, but you were falling so fast, falling, falling, falling. Catapulting himself off the top of the mountain Childe reached out for you. In his mind he was screaming. Glide. Oh please, for the love of the Seven glide. Please, don’t fall, it’s so high up. I couldn’t bear it. Please.

Still the words were stuck in his mouth, and his throat only constricted more when you hit the bridge with a sickening thud. Releasing his own wings at the last moment he landed on the bridge too, only a few meters away from where you were now crumpled up. Running over he scooped you up. You’d managed to right yourself at the last moment in the air so that you were landing feet first, but though you’d managed to protect your head your legs dragged limply, and one was bent at an awkward angle. Looking at your mangled form, listening to you as you screamed and whimpered in pain, Child felt overwhelmed by his vast helplessness. There was nothing he could do. Burying his head in your neck he sobbed.

“I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”

The journey to Liyue was excruciating, both for you and for Childe. Although there was no external bleeding the initial adrenaline of falling had no worn off and you felt every jolt and movement as Childe slung you on his back, wrapping his arms around your thighs and carrying you to the nearest waypoint and then to the Liyue doctor. Even when Childe was standing still you thought you might die from the sheer pain. So intense it was that sometimes you gave up, blacking out only to wake up feeling like you were drowning, the burning air around you almost too hot and too heavy to breathe.

Childe willed himself to numbness throughout the journey, only allowing him to collapse once you’d reached the hospital, practically ramming into the nearest chair in the waiting room, the situation washing over him.

How could he have let this happen? Hadn’t he made a promise? A promise that he’d protect those he’d love, that he’d never lose control of a situation again, that he’d never let those he cared about suffer? Where was that promise now? His whole world seemed to collapse in on itself now. He hadn’t been able to protect you. Despite his training, his reflexes, his vision, his everything. You’d still fallen. And as powerful as Childe liked to think he was, he still couldn’t turn back time and stop your suffering.

Finally the doctor opened the door and Childe was let in to see you. After informing him that you were on painkillers the doctor left you two alone. Faced with you laying on the hospital bed Childe sank into the nearest chair. Lacing his fingers through yours he drew circles on your hand over and over. For a moment you two said nothing, then Childe let his head rest on your hands. “I’m sorry.” He whispered, voice raw.

“I know.” You replied, mind a bit hazy from the painkillers, the magic infused herbs luring you to sleep. Still you pushed forward, needing to say something before Childe let himself be carried away. “I know, but it’s not your fault. And it’s not irreversible. The doctor says in 8 weeks I’ll be fine. Until then, we’ll just have to improvise.”

“But what about your adventuring? Your commissions? How can you do those if you can’t –”

“I’ll figure it out. Adventuring isn’t just monster slaying you know. And there’s no catastrophe in being in a wheelchair or on crutches.” You shook your head. Childe was still crying, and you could feel his tears running down your linked hands.

“Ajax.” Childe’s head shot up, surprised. He loved when you called him by his true name, it always seemed like a song falling from your lips. And now that song was filled with understanding, if not a bit of sadness. “I want you to not blame yourself.” You continued. “I know it’ll be hard, I know that these feelings won’t go away. And I’m not blaming you for them. I’m not happy about this either, of course I’m not, I just went through a world of pain. But I won’t be able to stand watching you beat yourself up for 8 weeks, I won’t be able to stand that look in your eyes every time you look at me. So please, please stop. If not for yourself then for me.”

Childe stared at your for a while. You waited, not wanting to rush his thought process. Eventually though he shook his head, a small smile finally breaking his expression.

“You’re too good for me you know. Alright. I promise to try. It’s the least I could do.”

“Thank you.” You smiled. Childe smiled back. He didn’t know how you managed to do it, how you managed to take his fears and look them in the face. All he knew at that moment was that he loved you. And for now, that was enough.

 Diluc

Diluc stared in horror as the Fatui Bracer aimed a Geo projectile right at you, his horror multiplying into rage and terror as the concentrated energy flew through the air and landed right at the base of your ribcage. You crumpled at the impact, wheezing heavily, apparently stunned from the power and speed of the attack.

How could this have happened? Diluc knew that the Fatui were gathering in Mondstadt, something that the winery owner turned Darknight Hero couldn’t stand. But never did he think to see Fatui skirmishers right outside the walls of Monstadt, strolling along the beach of Cider Lake as if it were Snezhnaya. Never did he think he’d have to see another loved one felled by a member of the Fatui, and never did he think that he could bear the emotions coursing through him now.

He made quick work of the Bracer, hacking and swinging without rhyme or reason, barely able to comprehend what was going on. Everything felt oddly separated from him, as if he were watching through someone else’s eyes, watching as he burned through the Bracer’s shields as easily as if it were made of wax, leaving the man groaning and screaming in pain before silencing him altogether.

The feeling of separation only grew more powerful as he ran over to you. You seemed to be conscious, but your breathing was shallow and ragged, and the place where the Fatui’s attack had hit seemed mangled, one of your ribs having seemingly been broken. You were screaming, though it was hoarse and low and tired. Still if you were screaming you were alive, and at least Diluc could hold onto that.

Carrying you in his arms Diluc winced as you let out another shriek of pain. You two weren’t far from the gates of Monstadt, but every step seemed to be a thousand steps and what was surely only a few hundred meters instead felt like tens of thousands of miles.

You were going to be alright. At least the doctor had said you were going to be alright. Surely Diluc could be grateful for that? But he didn’t feel grateful, instead he felt anger and hatred welling up inside of him. He’d told himself it was no good to be an angry or hateful person, that doing so would only push you away, would only destroy the fragile bonds he’d managed to build between you and a selection of others. But still the anger and the hatred lingered, refusing to be quelled or stuffed away.

He wanted revenge. Revenge on the Fatui, on the Tsaritsa, on the uncaring world that let him be so tormented, and that so tormented the ones he loved. How could this have happened to you? You who were made of goodness, more goodness than he’d found in the world beforehand. How was this a fitting reward?

It was decided that you could stay at the Winery during the 6 grueling weeks that was to be your convalescence. Diluc said nothing on the way there. He was afraid what would happened if he opened his mouth. Already he knew his face was betraying the feelings welling within him. He didn’t need to make it worse, not now.

Arriving at the Winery Diluc carried you to his room, the nicest room there was. Up to this point you’d said nothing, and Diluc wondered if you weren’t too groggy to do so. However when you spoke up there was an urgency in your voice, one he simply couldn’t ignore.

“You’re angry. You’re trying to hide it but I know it.”

“I’m not the one in pain right now.” Came a curt reply. Diluc was looking at you with what others might’ve mistaken as a glare. Perhaps it was even that, but there was something beneath it, and you knew it ultimately wasn’t directed at you.

“I am. And I’m upset too. But I’ve accepted it. You need to accept that you’re angry too. Burying it won’t help, it’ll only make it worse you know. You have to acknowledge your emotions. You don’t have to hide them. At least not in front of me.”

The expression on Diluc’s face finally broke. The anger there was raw and palapable, but there was also something else, something he’d also buried.

“I was… terrified.” Diluc finally let out. “I was so terrified it frightened me. I… I thought I was going to lose you.”

“And you shouldn’t have to hide that either.” You prodded softly. “But I’ll be alright, I promise. So please, just be open with me and then we’ll go from there.”

Diluc nodded, finding himself unable to speak. Walking over to where you were laying down he peppered kisses all over your face, light and ethereal as butterflies.

He’d do right by you. That’s what he promised himself, after all the hiding and the pain. He’d do right by you. But he’d also not forgive the Fatui for what they’d done, and tonight when Monstadt was asleep the Darknight would be watching. And for any Snezhnayan roaming the streets and lurking in the shadows, there’d be no forgiveness.

[morkofday]

#10YearPromise - pingxie blabberings

bc i wasn’t able to answer these questions throughout the week (as i’ve been traveling around while being extremely busy), i decided to just collect all of my answers under one post! i never tire talking about pingxie so this was extremely enjoyable ♥ am also practicing some very shameless self promo in this so be prepared!

thank you for @laireshi​ for organizing this event (i take it’s you alone? am not sure, sorry for my laziness) and being amazing in general ^^ i won’t be able to join as i am still very busy and summer is always pure chaos for me, so i can only hope that other ppl have fun! if you are not aware of 10 Year Promise Pingxie Exchange, you can find the original announcement post here. join in if you have the time and inspiration ^^ 

and then to my answers which i will be placing under the cut bc i don’t want to flood anyone’s dash with me going bonkers over these two idiots. enjoy tho if you decide to read this :’D ♥

I. What made you ship pingxie?

Back when I got into Reboot bc of ZYL (as has happened to many ppl probably) and then saw stuff about pingxie once I started going through that drama’s tag on tumblr, my first thought about them was that they had to be a crack ship. The way Reboot portrays them as well as their actors and their huuuge age difference affected this a lot, and I was actually cackling at them bc all their moments in Reboot made me just go “oh, socialist brotherhood at its best” in my head. But then I finished watching Reboot’s 1st season (as the 2nd one wasn’t out yet) and started reading some fics. I learned more about them and the canon storyline. I learned how damn devoted they are to each other, and after that, many moments in Reboot gained new meaning in my eyes. So, I think what made me ship pingxie was a mix of Reboot (especially the hallucination moment where Xiaoge dies and Wu Xie loses it bc that’s my jam as I later on became to notice) and then the amazing fics I dug out during that time. After that the love grew stronger as I watched the other dramas, and these days I’m a lost cause. I feel like I spend most of my awake time thinking about these two and their love. They are amazing. I cry rivers for them.

II. Which pingxie version is your favorite?

After finding pingxie, I fell in love with them properly during TLT2. There is just something about that stage of their relationship for me, the stage where both of them are still very tentative about everything but they have deep down accepted that they’re tied now. Wu Xie is figuring out so many things, coming to terms with being betrayed by his uncle and slowly realizing that something bigger is going on behind the scenes. Meanwhile, Xiaoge is learning how to trust Wu Xie and how to accept that he cannot leave this naïve boy behind. It feels very fragile, and I have so many emotions about TLT2 bc of this. Xiaoge is so soft and feels very multilayered. Wu Xie is still his naïve self but is slowly gaining some sharper edges as he comes to face the cruel world. I like how Cheng Yi and Hou Minghao have portrayed this dynamic. Also, TLT2 is just very extra with all the pingxie scenes, who would be able to resist loving them? So, I have to admit that my favorite pingxie is these two, tho Ultimate Note comes very, very close.

III. What’s your favorite pingxie headcanon?

Headcanons are a bit hard for me as I don’t know enough of the canon. I have not read the novels so most of the story I’ve just patched together from all the bits I’ve read from somewhere (here, on twt, in fics) and through the scenes the dramas have shown me. I feel like the whole world is lowkey made of headcanons for me :’D But hmm, my favorite pingxie headcanon… I’d say there are two and then one bonus bc it’s more a Wu Xie related headcanon than just pingxie. The first one is that the pingxie confession happens after the Bronze Gate. It feels like the only moment when they’re both ready for such a thing. I’d say Xiaoge comes to realize his own feelings a lot earlier and he might tell something to unconscious Wu Xie before leaving for ten years, but he will not actually leave Wu Xie with such a burden. He doesn’t want to ask anything when it sounds like he doesn’t even believe that Wu Xie will be willing to wait for him, and I’d say that for him, his feelings are going to be fine even if Wu Xie never learns about them. He might even wish that Wu Xie never learns about them bc he’s not able to promise much as an immortal and amnesiac being (he outlives Wu Xie, most likely forgets him). For Wu Xie however, I’d say he needs time. He really is way too naïve and I’d say that he needs those ten years to realize that he’s in love with his best friend. I dunno who confesses first after Xiaoge returns but I think that only after that decade their relationship is “mature” enough to hold the weight of a confession (even if I also love to play around with the thought of them getting together during the events of Ultimate Note bc that drama offered many good chances for that). Another headcanon for me is that Xiaoge will find a way to die when Wu Xie does. After learning about them more, I feel like Reboot implies this too. Xiaoge is very accepting of Wu Xie’s death but in the last moments, when he really thinks that this is going to be it for Wu Xie, he hesitates. We see a spark of desperation there, and I’ve come to think that his initial plan, the plan he came up with once he got that call from Wu Xie and knew he would join Wu Xie on his last adventure, was to see this through for Wu Xie’s sake and then leave and die alone. I don’t know how much there would be left for Zhang Qiling after Wu Xie is gone. I feel like this is also what Wu Xie fears. But would he really resent Xiaoge for joining him in death after living such a long and hard life? I’d say no and I’d say that even Pangzi accepts this as one of the most likely outcomes. The bonus one then feels very personal to me. I don’t usually talk about this bc I feel so unsure of even mentioning this but I’ve seen others with similar thoughts so am sharing! I’ve never before gotten any vibes about a character’s sexuality in a drama I’ve watched but Reboot Wu Xie looked at me once in the eye and all I could hear was my brain yelling “asexual”. So, that is just my personal headcanon for Wu Xie. He’s ace and proud of it. He can flirt etc. but sex makes him go naah. He doesn’t need it or want it. He can appreciate beauty and hot ppl without wanting to sleep with them and I think his relationship with Xiaoge fits very well into this. I don’t have any personal experiences with being ace but I feel like Wu Xie has read the name once, shrugged and gone, “guess that’s me” and continued on with his life. He’s badass like that and I love him for it. (take a very relevant meme lol from this post)

IV. What’s the ideal pingxie date?

Ah, christ. I dunno if I’ve ever thought about them going on a date? In the middle of tomb raiding, hospital trips and fighting against powers bigger than themselves, I’ve rarely seen any time for them to do something like that lol. But after Ultimate Note, I’ve thought about star gazing a lot. Just them, the infinite night sky and some lonely hilltop. They would probably take a blanket with them, huddle together and talk about things in hushed voices. Wu Xie would go on a ramble about all the constellations and their meanings and mythology behind them and Xiaoge would just nod at him and watch Wu Xie talking. Maybe he would offer some tidbits in the middle of the rambling, making Wu Xie smile brightly. It would be relaxing and comfortable and loving. They would make out a lil bit. Would maybe lie down and play with each other’s hair. All their worries would feel insignificant. Wu Xie would fall asleep for a moment and Xiaoge would wake him up with a kiss to get him moving again so that they don’t need to sleep on the cold ground. They would return home and drink something warm and then go to sleep, cuddled together and happy. relevant edit x

V. What’s your favorite pingxie getting together scenario?

I guess I already talked about this a bit but let me elaborate then! As said, I’d see it happening after the Bronze Gate. I am not sure if it would be right away (they’re both going through so much trauma at that point) or if it would happen after Reboot (maybe we would still need Wu Xie almost dying for them to get their shit together), but I’d say it happens in a rush either way. It’s one of those “I have to tell you something before it’s too late” -type of moments. Or one of those “Bc I love you, you idiot!” -type of moments. I feel like I keep thinking that maybe Wu Xie would have to confess first bc as said, Xiaoge wouldn’t like to burden Wu Xie with his feelings when there’s so little he can give in the sense of normalcy. But then again, I have written a oneshot where Xiaoge is the first one to confess and that always feels better for me. That at some point Xiaoge feels secure enough to tell Wu Xie about his own feelings. That he feels confident and comfortable enough to say it out loud while still expecting nothing in return bc he knows that Wu Xie won’t abandon him either way. But no matter how that happens, I always see it as this dam breaking. The emotions finally become too strong. Something happens that reminds them that life is too short. Something happens that makes them finally talk it out and ah, Pangzi can finally take a break, what a joy

VI. What’s your favorite pingxie moment?

Every adaptation has its own good moments so let me make a list (like I saw someone else do too):

The Lost Tomb:

Xiaoge rescues Wu Xie from the shibie

Wu Xie worrying over unconscious Xiaoge plus taking care of him in the hotel room

The Pingxie MomentTM aka Xiaoge saving Wu Xie from falling and then cradling the boy to his chest while thumb rubbing his shoulder

The Lost Tomb 2:

Xiaoge revealed to be Baldie and Wu Xie yelling at him about it

Lowkey the whole underwater tomb arc bc holy shit that’s gay

Wu Xie losing it when Xiaoge doesn’t come up from the underwater tomb, diving after him and then almost dying himself + Pangzi getting angry at him for being stupid

pingxie ft. magical skype in the bronze tree cave (and Xiaoge being emo about the 1000yo warrior guy right before that)

Xiaoge rescuing Wu Xie from drowning (they shared air, you cannot convince me otherwise) + Wu Xie giving Xiaoge his watch in the hospital (relevant edits x x)

Wu Xie’s face when he sees Zhang Buxun in the coffin bc I love pain :)

Xiaoge not shooting Wu Xie despite not remembering him in the mountain village

Wu Xie grabbing Xiaoge’s jacket after being kidnapped and the Iron Triangle reunites in that old Chen guy’s cabin, asking, “Is that you?” from Xiaoge to make sure that he remembers again while looking like the biggest puppy (relevant edit x)

also some relevant memes x

Ultimate Note:

The hand over mouth reunion in the Golmud Sanatorium

“Xiaoge will ignore anyone else but you”

Xiaoge pretending he isn’t Losing ItTM throughout the whole time Wu Xie is in the Devil’s City with A-Ning

more hand over mouth with the gigantic snake

“The goddess has ascended”

Wu Xie protecting Xiaoge after he returns from the jade meteorite 

“Do you remember me?” “Wu Xie.”

Wu Xie promising to help Xiaoge find his memories no matter what bc Xiaoge’s business is Wu Xie’s business 

“Maybe you can return home with a wife today.” Wu Xie: proceeds to stare at Xiaoge, horrified

“Take me home.”

The sword gifting scene (especially Xiaoge denying the possibility of him killing Wu Xie or them harming each other, relevant edits x x)

other relevant edits for ultimate note x x

Reboot:

Wu Xie telling Xiaoge about his sickness and then Xiaoge coming back and promising to join Wu Xie on his trip (relevant edit x)

the death hallucination bc am a masochist 

Wu Xie’s death dream where Xiaoge calls to him but then accepts his choice to move forward bc am a masochist pt. 2

pingxie reunion in the Thunder City forest where Xiaoge saves Wu Xie & co. from the poisonous gas 

the moment in Thunder City where Wu Xie sits outside at night, eating the peanuts Pangzi gave him and then notices Xiaoge, offering him the peanuts and smiling 

when Xiaoge leaves for the last time and then gets reunited with healed Wu Xie against all odds

the train scene and their softest smiles to each other  

Time Raiders:

Wu Xie being the best bean and just wanting to befriend this mysterious man while seeing right under his skin and making Xiaoge baffled and fall in love in approximately 0.5 seconds

Xiaoge, catch! *proceeds to save only Wu Xie when they fall into that shibie horror chamber*  

Xiaoge’s desperation to save Wu Xie from the crumbling ground 

their death waltz at the end of the movie plus Xiaoge’s sacrifice

+ Sand Sea: 

“Don’t you dare call him Xiaoge!” 

Wu Xie offering his friends and then himself as comfort to Li Cu when he’s scared while smiling very softly at the memory of Xiaoge 

“But isn’t his surname Wu?” Hei Xiazi: You have seen nothing yet, you sweet summer child

Wu Xie talking about Xiaoge’s past in the temple (aka the Tibetan Sea Flower story bc I just adore how pretty they’ve made those scenes) 

VII. What is the best gift Wu Xie and Xiaoge could give each other?

I haven’t really thought about this type of stuff either bc we have already seen a ton of gifts being exchanged! I love the watch Wu Xie gives to Xiaoge in TLT2 as mentioned (it’s so silly but also so sweet) and I love it that Wu Xie gifts Xiaoge with a new sword in Ultimate Note. Also, I feel like I can count the food Wu Xie leaves for Xiaoge in Ultimate Note and that one moment where Xiaoge offers his knife for Wu Xie as a “pen”. They would give anything for each other as long as the other asked (which they never do) so I dunno what type of gift would matter the most. As it’s so hard to say, let me talk about one more headcanon that I’ve been thinking about ever since the infamous Bazaar photoshoot for Ultimate Note/XYL & ZSX. So, we see them having matching rings and necklaces in that photoshoot. I think jewelry would be kind of difficult for Xiaoge to wear when he needs to fight, as jewelry could be a hindrance in that type of situation But my brain won’t shut up about “pingxie married!!!” when I ask this question from it. To be honest, I do not see pingxie getting married in the traditional sense. They don’t need something like that after everything they’ve gone through. But I like to play around with the thought of promise rings. Just them exchanging rings for fun, for their own sakes, to have something concrete that reminds them of their promise to each other and of their feelings. Maybe even Xiaoge could wear that ring under his gloves idk. But am a sucker for that thought so my answer to this is then simply: a ring. relevant edits x x

if you read this far, thank you so much! I hope this gave you something and thank you once more for organizing this and allowing everyone to share their love for pingxie ^^ ♥

[etysky]

Just saw a person post screenshots of a very valid take on rpf but saying that the persons take was very badTM. Am tempted now to write a longer post but idk if ill have energy for it today lol. Anyways, my main points are:

1. You will never have complete control over how people perceive you. "Fighting" for the "rights" of everyone being able to control others perception of them is not a good easy to live because in the end, you are the one that loses. That goes especially for celebrities. As soon as you put something out into the world for a wide(r) audience to see, you lose most of control over it. Why? Because people are creative. And neurodivergent. And when they see something that they vibe with, they take the idea and spin it, make their own interpretation of it. And you know whats the funny thing? Thats how culture works as well. Old folk songs, mythology, stories of famous people, heroes, people with inhumane powers, etc exist here because people latched onto those people, whether they saw the person or heard the stories, they put their own spins on it those ancient storytellers, and they made them their own. That includes real people, you know!

2. Person vs persona. What I find baffling, is that often people seem to think that what we see of a celebrity is their whole personality while in fact, it is a persona that is composrd of style, etc that they like, yes. But that isnt their entire personality. The only ones that can claim to know celebrities, are their close ones. So, no matter how much fanfic writers would try, they will never be able to write an accurate representation of the celeb. And most dont want to do thatA So, what is there left to write about? Their persona, or rather, a writers interpretation of it, of course. And you have to understand: persona is NOT the same as the celebrity. One is a living, breathing person (the celebrity when theyre with the people they care about, when theyre working, etc), and the other is a bit more compressed idea of a person (a facade the celebrity puts on when theyre working). Fanfic writers latch onto the persona more than not because they vibe with it.

3. Attitude. Most of the time ive been on tumblr, the ones that are making a fuss about rpf are people who are either young, dont understand point 2 or dont know how to block tags. But then there is also the 4th type, the people who search for those properly tagged rpf things, in order to go and harass the people making them. Why, is my question. Why are you doing this? In real life, that would equal to a lets say, going to a vegan restaurant that has vegan written in caps over it, demanding they serve you nonvegan food and then harassing the people there for not accomodating your tastes! Thats really messed up! Why are you searching those spaces out on your own, if its not the content you enjoy, huh? Does it really bother you that much that people who enjoy a celebritys persona differently than you are having a good time, huh?

Im gonna add this here as well:

I cant talk about rpf without delving into the bad sides as well I guess.

1. First of all, again, I do not care what the rpf fics entail if the story is tagged properly and the fans are not bothering the celebrity about.

2. Yes, some people dont have a sense of boundaries and may share the fic to the celebs without realizing it is a bad idea. Is the fic writer at fault then, even though they tagged the fic and put content warnings? Of course not, the one at fault is the fan, who saw a thing liked it, and went to share it (point 1 applies here as well. Fanfic writers also dont have control over whether their story becomes popular or not, who likes it, etc).

3. Aannd my head ran empty. Feel free to add onto this post I guess.

Also, last point that I want you to dwell on.

Think about historical films about known figures. Like the british dramas. Those are in essence, rpf as well. Why are those series acceptable? They are, afterall, exploting real peoples lives also, and making money off of it! Well, for one, they are tailored for a wider audience. Then again, are the lives and personalities of the characters depicted there the EXACT same? Yes? No? Come on, we all know the scriptwriters had to add a little spice to the historical facts and story. None of those series is an accurate retelling. But, if its not accurate, doesnt that make it an au?

[soulwillower]

if you’re too shy • richie tozier

(richie tozier x cam girl!reader smut)

[based off the song if you’re too shy (let me know) by the 1975.]

requested: i can't find it lol BUT 🤍anon (i think) requested a fic based off of the 1975′s new song, if you’re too shy let me know !!

warnings: swearing, alcohol use, switch!richie kinda, smut, unprotected sex, a tiny bit of cumplay i guess, mentions of phone sex, oral sex (female receiving), face sitting, a bit of dirty talking, UNEDITED as always

also i wrote this in a different style than usual and idk if i like it much but u can let me know what u guys think,, if its weird i can go in and change the povs since its 3rd person richie

[losers + reader are 21+ in this.]

7.4k words lol

♡

i see her online all the time i'm trying not to stare down there while she talks about her tough time

"h-hey, man, who's that?" the voice from right next to richie makes him damn near leap out of his seat. it makes beverly chuckle a bit as she takes a bite of her apple, shaking her head. "it’s nobody." richie says quickly as he tilts his phone towards his chest and shoots a toothy grin to bill. his friend raises his full eyebrows, "wh-what, so n-nobody was sending you n-nudes?"

"something like that." richie mutters, stomach fluttering as the image flashes in his mind’s eye - the curves, the dark red lace, the plush skin painting a perfect scene in richie’s vivid imagination.

richie looks back down at the photo. his his thumbs hover over the profile picture; he'd found her originally on his instagram explore page, the photos teasing and immediately he had to know more. y/n.

and then a few days later, he'd subscribed to her only fans, which he never quite thought he'd do with anyone, but he couldn't help it. she was so enticing, so perfect and so alluring. it was the playfulness that pulled him in; and he swears he's never lusted after somebody like he has with her. it was kind of starting to freak him out.

"is that o-onlyfans?" bill says and richie shoves bill's nosy face off his shoulder with a panicked grunt. "fuck off, mushmouth."

bill laughs and stan and bev perk up from across the table, staring at the two, interests suddenly piqued. "did you subscribe to a girl's onlyfans, rich?" stan says with a grin, setting his pen down on his notebook. 

richie just smirks and wiggles his brows a bit, enough to confirm his question. bill chuckles from next to richie.

"let me see." bev says, wiggling her manicured nails in a "gimme" motion. richie hands his phone over with red cheeks. normally he wouldn't care about his friends discovering he's paid money just to see a hot chick's bod, but this was different. for some reason, he felt connected to her. god, that thought made him want to slam his head against a brick wall. she doesn't even know him,  for all he knows she could live in the middle of.... montana, or like, ohio.

bev whistles and stan nods, "if i looked like that," bev mumbles as she tosses richie's phone back towards him, "i'd do that too. mad props."

noises of agreement fill the table but richie's just looking at the small smirk that peeks from the corner of one of the photos and he can't help but wonder what her eyes are like in real life. he wishes he could meet her.

girl of your dreams, you know what i mean there's something 'bout her stare that makes you nervous and you say things that you don't mean

it's a cold day when bill and richie find themselves stumbling in to the coffee shop for a drink. bill's muttering about some girl in his creative writing class that gave him head when richie's eyes catch a figure so familiar yet foreign that he stops dead in his tracks. bill turns to him, face confused. "r-richie, what's wrong w-with you?"

richie shakes his head, stammering in disbelief, "that-that's her, bill. the girl, from onlyfans. y/n." he whispers, gesturing with his eyes towards the girl working the register.

bill’s jaw goes slack, green eyes raking over her form and igniting richie’s stomach with boiling rage. as if bill’s doing something that only richie is allowed to do – as if they're not both being total creeps.

“h-holy sh-shit. she’s b-beautiful.” bill mumbles. richie elbows him in the ribs, shooting him a glare that prompts an eye-roll from his auburn haired friend.

richie swallows and watches, his throat feeling like sandpaper as she laughs at something the customer in front of them said. bill nudges richie, "i-i'm gonna get a s-seat. t-talk to her."

he winks and grins as he walks away, leaving richie with his reckless self. he thinks he's sweating through his sweater as he walks up, finding himself face-to-face with her. "hi, how can i help you?" she asks, giving him a smile

holyshitholyshitholyshit.

he might've just came right then and there. okay, he's gotta say something cool, something smooth. don't be a dumbass, tozier. 

"howdy, sugar. i'll have my coffee like i like my women." his mouth blurts as his brain sirens go off, PUT ON THE BRAKES, RICH – "a hot shock to the lap.”

she glares at him, cheeks light pink and eyebrows pulled together in annoyance and yep, richie's probably going to get hard because of that look but he's also probably going to toss his body off a bridge because what the fuck, tozier?

he can hear bill laughing quietly from a ways away and he quickly shakes his head, muttering quietly, "jail. jail, richard."

"funny." she deadpans, clearly not amused. because of course she isn't.

"sorry, i'll have a black coffee, y/n." he mutters, eyes widening to himself when he realizes she was not wearing a goddamn name tag and he just said her name.

this is a disaster. she gives him a bewildered, slightly creeped out look and if richie wasn't panicking, he'd gape at how she still managed to be effortlessly gorgeous even now.

he sighs, shaking his head, the door of the cafe opening and blowing a gust of frigid air through the warm room. fitting - douche chill. 

"look, toots, i don't want this to be weird. i- um, i recognize you." he says, cheeks aflame. she raises a brow, face straight for a few moments, unsure what he means.

it's not long after when recognition flashes over her own face - must have ruled out coffee shop, university and her local gym - and she nods with a tight, almost uncomfortable smile. 

he tries not to think of the livestream he watched last night where she showed all her new gifts and modeled lingerie, and how he’d spent his time to himself with his left hand immediately after watching. his cheeks are red with shame. 

"okay." is all she says, writing down a scribbled order on the coffee cup. her eyes shoot back up and give richie a once-over that really makes his fingers itch - god, why did he have to be this way? 

he almost runs his fingers through his curls but decides against it, eyes opting to focus on her own gorgeous eyes as they meet him. "i'm impressed i have a fan who looks like you, i must say. even if you are a complete jack ass." she purrs and his jaw nearly smacks the floor at its velocity as it flies open.

"what's that supposed to mean?" he asks then with a small grin, flattered at the tiniest of compliments that just barely, in his mind, eclipsed the insult that he so very much deserved.

"i'm saying you're kind of a dick. it's too bad, because you're real cute." she says casually, handing him his change. his stomach flips and butterflies release in his chest, a feeling that he's not felt in almost five years.

but damn, of course he messed up - he got the chance to talk to the hottest girl on earth and he started it by saying an awful joke that wasn't funny at all. of course she though he was a dick, he is one.

he's shocked, though, as he waits for his coffee with bill, who is still snickering into his hand every few moments, to find his coffee cup with extra sharpie scribbled on the white paper. a name.

y/n. and below it is a phone number with a small heart scribbled, and richie can't tell if it's a seven or a one but he figures he'd try every phone number in the damn state if it meant he could fucking text her. holy fuck.

"maybe i would like you better if you took off your clothes i'm not playing with you, baby i think that you should give it a go" she said, "maybe i would like you better if you took off your clothes i wanna see, and stop thinking if you're too shy, then let me too shy, then let me know"

he didn't text her for two days and three hours. yes, he counted it. no, he won't think about why he was obsessing over the numbers - but since the time he'd finally had found the courage to text her today, things have escalated proficiently. 

she'd just mentioned how hot it was in her apartment since her heater had gone haywire - even though the winter winds were cold, she'd claimed she was burning up in what she was wearing.

and the mere mention of her clothing had sent richie into somewhat of a spiral, spending at least seven minutes glued to his phone and scrolling through the saved album he had of those photos of her that she'd posted; his sweatpants getting increasingly tight and his palm suddenly aching to slip through the fabric and find some release.

but, in true trashmouth fashion, he apparently needed that sweet, sweet rejection from a hot cam girl he'd somehow weaseled into getting the number of in order to wank off properly, so he types out a text and hits send immediately.

what are you wearing?

and then he almost vomits in embarrassment – what was she going to think? did he just royally fuck up? oh god, he’s going to have to shave his head and move to canada.

his phone buzzes and he nearly passes out when he lays his eyes upon the image attached – there her body is again, curvy and full and beautiful, her skin glowing in the fading light of what he assumes is her bedroom. and with it:

this. what are you wearing, rich?

and then he pulls his gaze from his phone and stands, breathing heavily because holy shit.

he's gotten nudes before, but.... none from someone like her. holy shit.

he walks to his bathroom, splashing water on his beet-red cheeks. he swallows, staring at himself in the mirror. fuck.

he slaps his cheek once, then winking at himself in attempt to muster any sliver of confidence. and then he snaps a picture, only in his boxers.

and then he has to physically refrain from making a joke about wearing the same lingerie set as her, instead sending a flirty text that he knows any other woman would blush at. he just doesn’t know with y/n, and maybe that’s why he loves it so much. she's keeping him on his toes.

you like what you see?

he sends that one afterwards, shaking his head because oh my god, she's going to respond with "no" and then bill him $40 for the nude she sent him. not that he wouldn't pay, but...

his phone dings and he nearly breaks an ankle running to his desk. 

yeah, i do. but maybe i'd like you better without any clothes on.

he almost yells out loud at this, but he has a feeling that waking up stan in the middle of the night would not be optimal after their 'roommate agreement' they'd made that explicitly states richie cannot scream between 1am - 9am. so instead he smirks to himself, face turning red.

he's getting harder by the moment, and as he stares at that picture she'd sent earlier, he lets out a breathy groan. the lace....

we could face time yk

or we don't have to.

he reads her words in live time, watching the thought bubble appear again and watching it like a hawk. he can just imagine her sitting there with a small smirk as another text comes in and he almost groans as his dick twitches.

like, if you're too shy or something ;)

he stares at the screen for two seconds at that sinful photo she'd sent just before those texts and then sighs, shaking his head and pressing the green face-time call button.

i've been wearing nothing every time i call you and i'm starting to feel weird about it sometimes it's better if you think about it this time, i think i'm gonna drink through it

three days later, richie was undeniably and unequivocally drunk. but, as he's just explained about three times to mike, he knows that it is just easier to not think right, especially about her, right now - and the best way to do that is by getting so piss drunk that even if he tried to "hit her line," as he so eloquently put it, his dick would be too whiskey'd out to make a full appearance.

it's for the best. mike had fake gagged at richie’s cadence with a laugh, but richie was dead serious because he was starting to think he had a real issue.

it was obviously just a fun thing to do between two near-strangers, but he'd found that he was starting to almost pavlov-style condition himself into getting turned on every time the name y/n came across his recent texts or face times, and it was getting to be too much.

especially when her post notification popped up and he cracked a fatty in the middle of his econ lecture. christ, the point of elasticity of markers in the u.s. was not something he pictured when he usually had to quell a pitch in his tent. so yeah, it's too much.

because yes, he loves her fucking body and wants nothing more than her, but in truth he longs for the feeling of her skin against his; to touch her, to kiss her, to make her his. all the time.

but yet, it was just a good way to get off without all the strings and ribbons and yarn and whatever the fuck her soft-looking knit bra is made from attached.

so much for not thinking about her.

but i see her online (and don't think that i should be calling) all the time (i just wanted a happy ending) and i'm pretending i don't care about her stare while she's giving me a tough time

it’s noon the next day and he's laying in (for some reason) stan's bed instead of his own with a blinding, mind-splitting headache and an insatiable craving for a cheeseburger, eyes squinting in lust and something akin to shame as he watches the livestream y/n had just started. she’s in a slip – a very thin, silk and see through slip and it makes him more frustrated than he’s willing to admit.

as he stares at her smooth skin and wonders how it'd be to touch it all, her eyes catch something in the chat and she smiles coyly. "hi, rich." she purrs and richie almost chokes - holy shit, she saw him join.

"do you like my gift i just got?" she asks coyly, snapping the straps of her bra with a small smile and he stiffens almost instantly, thinking of how many times he'd seen her skin in videos and photos that were just for him.

how she'd moaned his name two nights ago on face time, her fingers buried inside herself slightly off-camera. and oh, how he wishes he could see all of her, but they'd not crossed that line yet - anything they'd done hadn't been yet proven visually, only from facial expressions, noises, and the brutal honestly of being together through face time.

he wants her so fucking bad, he needs her like he needs water to drink and air to breathe and it's murdering him as he watches her react to the chat of her livestream, playing with the hem of her black lace panties.

god, he needs a cold shower or something if he's going to get anything done today.

and then he's calling her an a few hours after her stream ends because he just can't wait - he feels his stomach twist with shame as he realizes he should not be doing such a certainly a terrible idea. but she answers after three rings. "richie." her siren voice purrs and he literally feels himself fall deeper into the pit.

"hi there, toots. got any coffee in the pot for me?" he asks, sounding surprisingly eloquent compared to how she normally makes him feel. 

she hums in fake thought, and it makes richie grin. she's fucking adorable. "come to the shop, i have my break in ten." and then she hangs up. he sighs, rubbing his face with his hand as he shakes his head. he's utterly fucked.

he's there in record time, a smirk plastered on his face as he walks in and sees her sitting at a table, lookin' all pretty. just for him.

"what made you think of calling?" she says in loo of a greeting. he sits across from her and wills his eyes to meet hers. "nothin' toots." he says with a half shrug, taking a sip of the coffee placed in front of him that has the the name 'dick' written on it in her handwriting. he rolls his eyes affectionately.

"oh, so it wasn't anything to do with my livestream this morning?" she asks with a look, eyeing him. her eyes are swimmable, they hold so many stories and secrets and maybe richie's just hungover, but he's feeling very flustered.

"we-w, uh, no. what... what are you talking about?" he rolls his eyes at himself inwardly, cursing stuttering bill and his contagious speech patterns. "-i don't know what you're talking about, sugar." he recovers fairly smoothly, if he may toot his own horn. and honestly, he can pretend not to care as long as he doesn't look into that goddamn stare of hers.

he chuckles awkwardly, cheeks aflame as she stares at him with a bored look and a small hum. she still looks perfect and he's even more nervous now, because oh god, oh fuck, he's gonna get slapped in the face by y/n.

it was pretty unspoken since they'd started doing... stuff... that richie probably still watched her content online, but she'd never fully addressed it until today during the livestream in front of a thousand others. 

he's choking on his spit in shame but then a smile splits her face and richie's sure he's suffocated on his own saliva and gone to a sinner's heaven. or maybe hell.

"oh, richie, i'm just teasing you. look at your face!" she says with an airy laugh, pinching his cheeks and making him want to shrivel up as he turns even redder. what the fuck? "-so cute. alright, i've got to get back to work. i'll see you around, rich." she says with a wink, taking her coffee and tossing it into the trash bin as she stalks towards the employee back room.

he gapes as he watches her leave and then gets up and makes his way to the exit, clutching the coffee like it was trying to jump out of his grasp and make a run for it. god, she's too much.

"maybe i would like you better if you took off your clothes i'm not playing with you, baby i think that you should give it a go" she said, "maybe i would like you better if you took off your clothes i wanna see, and stop thinking If you're too shy, then let me too shy, then let me know"

"-babe, you'll have to try harder than that." richie says with a chuckle, watching his phone screen as the beautiful girl on face time gives him a sly, challenging look. she's in a green lace bra, one richie's not seen yet and he can feel himself stiffen as she absently trails her fingers over her chest.

they'd been much closer over the last week since he last saw her in person, enough so that in the three-is weeks of knowing her, he's positive he's head over ass for her in a way that he shouldn't be. and yet, she still comes back every time, still texts him and answers those face time calls. he's baffled, honestly.

"i know you hate me because i'm right." he adds, not even totally remembering what point he's trying to prove as y/n shifts back a bit and more of her body is revealed, her hair glowing dimly in the soft lighting of her room. his eyes run over her curves, her full thighs and stomach and hips that fill over her panties and he almost groans.

"whatever, maybe i'd like you better if you took off your clothes." she says coyly. and richie's half flattered, as usual, but the more he thinks of it the more deflated he feels. he kind of thought they were growing something more than just getting each other off over face time like horny fifteen year olds. he grins nonetheless.

"you say that a lot, you know." richie says breathlessly as he stares at her. she tilts her head ever so slightly and grins, biting her lip as her eyes move around her screen with a conflicted look. "-why?" he adds.

she hums again.

"well. okay, so there's the visual world - like, the internet, onlyfans, instagram- it tells us that everything is amazing. and we should want everything. and it makes us yearn for everything that we don’t have and everything that’s unobtainable. you know, love, a relationship beyond physical. and even physical, it's different when it's online."

her words confuse him much more than they aid him. "you think... that because of the internet, love is unattainable?" he asks with furrowed brows, unsure how somebody so perfect and, quite frankly, lovable, would think that.

"it is for me." she says it with a small sense of forlorning but mostly it's whispered. enough that richie's heart skips a beat and he's, for the first time, not having a hard time keeping his eyes on her face instead of her body.

"what?" he asks dumbly. she just laughs, shaking her head and he stares at her on his tiny phone screen in the dark.

"that’s something that, you know. in real life, person to person, it has a lot of connotations of... trust and vulnerability and connection. doing what i do- and what we're doing… on the internet - it has the opposite of those connotations. like, before you, i didn't- i didn't really do this, i just was selling stuff. because guys don't want to fuck the girl who sells her body online. and you know now, i want to..." she trails off and richie doesn't dare interrupt her because he thinks she's about to say something he's wanted to tell her for a while now.

"i don't know, i guess. exploring someone's body in physical presence isn't seen at all as voyeuristic, or anything apart from...like, an intimate exchange." she says it casually, brushing hair from her face and shit, richie's swooning. he's in fucking love, he knows it, because y/n is so smart and intelligent and he's so fucking trashed for her. as she speaks, her hands move and distract him slightly from her body, doused in blue light from the screen and splayed out for him and only him on her phone camera.

the soft lace on her hips and chest make his body stiffen and it causes him to suppress a groan as she sighs, but richie knows he can’t screenshot this heavenly sight because she’ll definitely notice and she can probably already tell he’s having a hard time not staring at her alluring figure as she talks.

"-whereas, you know. as soon as it happens on the internet, it becomes kinky and cam-girly. and, you know, that's fine. i love doing it. it's just, i'm not sure where the authentic communication even is now. or if i get to have a happy ending." she says and he finally sees her blush for the first time.

he wishes he was there with her, he wishes that he could touch the redness on her cheeks and caress her curvy body and taste her skin on his tongue. he wants to feel himself inside her, he wants to be with her and kiss her lips and yet he can't, so he sighs and shifts in his position, moving to turn up the brightness of his phone so he can see better.

"shouldn't you get to be the one to decide that, doll?" is all he adds. because he feels kind of lost and just as confused as y/n is with this.

he's starting to feel weird about it, because... is this authentic? what makes things like hookups or whatever the hell they've been doing authentic? shouldn't this be easy? it's just phone sex, phone sex with a really hot girl.

a girl who is complex and alive and full of sincerity and richie is definitely falling harder than he should.

she just sighs but makes no other comment. and then they just stare at each other, richie's face illuminated in his dark room by the phone's reflection.

well, i found a motel it looked like the bins i think there'd been a murder so we couldn't get in i need to get back i've gotta see the girl on the screen

"come over and watch a movie with me." he says into the phone, biting his lip. the silence from the other end of the line is deafening as she makes her decision, because they both know she's not about to come over just to watch the shining or psycho. 

they've never done that before, and richie knows if she does come over, then whatever they have will crash down in a fiery mess. and he hates how excited that makes him as he waits in silence for her to drop the ball. so to speak.

"okay." she says, sounding shocked herself, and richie can't contain the excited grin from eclipsing his face. "yeah?" he asks breathlessly, and she's quiet for a little longer. "yeah. text me your address." 

she hangs up after that, and richie's thumbs shake as he types his address and sprints out to where stan, mike, ben, and bill are playing video games in he and stan's living room, wheezing at all of them to get out because someone fucking unbelievable is about to walk through that door.

she's there about an hour later, cheeks flushed when richie opens his door, looking just as nervous and flustered. "hi, chee." she says breathlessly, staring up at him with those goddamn eyes, the eyes that pulled him in the first time. his stomach flips in affection at her nickname and he offers her a drink as she takes in his shitty apartment. he wonders briefly if stan ended up buying that rosé that he'd given him shit for considering, and then prays that stan will stay the night elsewhere.

she's already pouring out glasses of wine when he snaps back to reality, and he grins at her, mumbling in thanks as she passes him a glass that's certainly poured almost to the brim.

"what are we watching, then?" she asks coyly, lifting a brow at him. his cheeks are red, but he tugs her arm down the hall towards his room with a grin, their wine sloshing from their glasses as they move erratically.

"we're watching psycho, y/n/n." he says as he pulls her into his room, glancing back to see she's already swallowed down almost half her glass, a lipstick stain on the side of it. faintly he knows stan will be frustrated if richie doesn't clean that off, but he's more distracted by her lips.

"i like psycho." she says with a nod and a cheeky grin, "the whole 'voyeuristic gaze' thing with hitchcock." she mumbles, and richie recalls faintly learning about that in one of his film classes freshman year and he grins as he takes a hefty gulp of his rosé, figuring he's already given himself away and if she's going to do that, he can too.

he hums, setting down his glass and grabbing hers to set it besides his on the bedside table. he turns around, intending on grabbing his laptop so they could watch the film, but she's so much closer that he'd expected and her hands fall onto his shoulders and he almost shits himself.

unpleasant, but honest. just richie's style.

"can i try something?" she asks with a grin, and richie nods, knowing that she could do anything to him and he'd gladly let it happen and most likely pay out of pocket for the damages afterwards.

and then she's pulling him from her grip on his shoulders, her lips sliding against his and making him grip her hips. his mind almost explodes at with y/n-sensory-overload because he feels her everywhere - on his lips, against his hands, on his shoulders, and pressing against his front.

her lips taste like chamomile and rosé.

she thinks his lips taste like vanilla and cigarette smoke, just as she'd always imagined. he feels so real, pressed against her lips and his body against hers, and she sighs as her tongue slips into his mouth because god, she's needed him for so long. and now she has him.

his hands move, touching every inch of her as their tongues fight for dominance. she pulls back, smirking as she gently pushes him onto his mattress, sliding onto his lap smoothly afterwards, grinding her hips against his slowly.

the moan he emits is heavenly and she could cry because she finally gets to hear it in person and not through the crackling static frequency of the phone.

so she grinds down on him again, eager to feel all of him. he's hardening against her core and she whimpers into his mouth in need as his fingers slip under her top, rubbing circles on her bare skin and making her shiver. she's noticed to this gentleness; it was rare when she did get to enjoy the comfort of another body with her own, and when she did they were hardly half as loving or caring as him.

she's desperate now, she needs to feel him inside her after all these weeks of teasing and waiting, so her hand snakes down to palm him through his sweats. he lets out a small groan into her mouth, biting her lip as he pulls back slightly. their eyes meet and his are hooded with lust, lips parted as she pumps him slowly from outside his sweats. his hips buck up lightly into her palm and she smiles gently, kissing him slowly.

"let me make you feel good, y/n." he mutters, eyes pleading as he stares up at her. her stomach flutters with butterflies and she nods, shocked that he wants to pleasure her.

he gently pulls her off his lap until she's laying on his mattress and he stares down at her, biting his lip as he takes her in. he can't fucking believe she's really here. she slowly pulls off her top, leaving her in her bra and jeans as she stares up at him with a wry, seductive smile. then she unzips her jeans and slides them off, leaving her in his favorite set of hers - black, lacy, and revealing. she looks utterly stunning and he groans, his hands falling to run over the skin, tracing the lace on her breasts. her cheeks are red as she gazes up at him.

"touch me, richie." she orders and he almost groans as he drags his lips over the valley of her breasts, sucking on the soft flesh and admiring the splashes of budding purple and pink that he's created. her heartbeat is quick under his fingertips and he moves to unclip her bra, kissing her skin as the fabric falls away.

she's slightly cold in his room, and goosebumps appear over her flesh as richie leans to catch a nipple in her mouth, flicking his tongue over the sensitive bud. she lets out a quiet whine that has richie rutting into the mattress next to her, his fingers trailing down to dance at the waistline of her underwear.

and then he's pulling aside her panties, his fingers running up and down her slick folds and making her jump in lust. he can't wait, just like her, and he's rubbing her clit teasingly as she pleads, "chee, please."  her eyes are eyes closed in bliss as his finger slips inside her, crooking slightly as he moves it. he presses his lips to the skin of her breast, pumping his finger and then soon adding another, crooking them both in a way that makes her let out guttural moans of pleasure. he marks her breasts with littered pink and red marks, smiling to himself at her figure.

she can't help but swoon as she watches him, his hair in his face slightly until she brushes it back, his fingers curling inside her and making her gasp, pleasure coursing through her body. his thumb softly comes up to rub her neglected clit and she grabs his shoulders to steady herself, the pleasure almost too much.

she's honestly slightly shocked - knowing richie as little as she really does outside of the literal booty calls at two in the morning and the accumulative forty five minutes they'd spent in person, she'd expected him to be... well, good. just good. because there's no way someone so funny, caring, and smart could also be that good in the sheets.

but right now, he's making her see goddamn stars.

"i've been wanting to touch you for so long, sugar." he mutters, eyes raking over her figure as her breath comes in stuttering gasps. she watches him with blown-wide eyes as his demeanor changes right before her, making her fall apart at his fingertips.

"that feel good, honey?" he asks, smirking as she whimpers, clenching around his fingers. "yes, god you feel so good." she utters, making him groan in approval from where he's sat back, watching her face contort in pleasure. she lets out another moan and richie stares at her body, watching his fingers as they fuck into her. he can't take it, then.

"will you sit on my face, doll?" he blurts, and she nearly yelps out as his fingers leave her. it's abrupt, but she's started to notice that this is how he operates - impulsivity is his second nature. and she loves it.

her face burns as she nods, the thought of richie under her making her whimper with anticipation. "yes, richie, please." she moans out again and he's grinning, laying back on the mattress with a wink. "c'mere, need to taste that pretty little pussy." he mutters and she feels herself clench around nothing, desperate for him as she swings a leg around to straddle his head.

immediately, his hands wrap around her thighs, thumbs smoothing over her stretch marks as he stares up at her, eyes glinting with desire. slowly, his finger pulls the seat of her lace panties to the side and his breath hits her bare, throbbing pussy, making her breath hitch. she cards her fingers through his hair and lowers herself slightly, gasping in shock as his tongue darts out to lick a bold stripe up from her entrance to her clit.

"chee," she moans out, tightening her grip in his hair and sending a groan through his body that reverberates and makes her shiver. his lips attach to her clit and fiery pleasure snakes through her body making her legs shake, a moan escaping her lips immediately. he sucks lightly before releasing to swirl his tongue, her moans making richie impossibly harder through his sweats.

"so good, rich." she mutters and he groans, tongue spreading her wet folds and slowly prodding at her entrance, dipping in slowly before pulling out, teasing her.

she can't help but grind down slightly, making richie grip her tightly, tongue sliding into her again and making her yelp. "you taste so good, baby." he mutters lowly before slowly reattaching himself to her heat, her eyes rolling slightly at the sensation as he fucks his tongue into her. one of his hands snakes up to her ass, gripping it tightly and then slapping it, the stinging pleasure making her buck her hips against him, emitting a hiss from her.

"rich, i-" she cuts herself off with a sharp gasp, the pleasure from richie's mouth making it increasingly harder to speak. her toes curl and her head tilts back as his tongue flicks over her clit, teeth grazing it slightly and making her buck.

she's embarrassingly close already, and judging by the way richie's smirking under her, he can tell. "please, please." she mutters, hips rocking on him as his tongue swirls, nipping softly at her clit and making her cry out. "please, make me cum, 'chee." she mutters and his tongue moves quicker, hand slapping her ass again.

and then she's clenching her thighs on either side of him and grinding down as she hits her peak, moaning quietly as she shakes in pleasure on top of him. he rides through her high, lapping at her and pulling away with a grin as she moans his name dejectedly. she's worn out from the best orgasm she's ever had and he gently nudges her so he slides in between her thighs, her back now on the mattress. he kisses her cheek and she keens quietly.

"fuck me, richie." she mutters, eyes still closed. his eyes snap to hers, surprised at the dominance in her voice after how she was two seconds ago.

he moans quietly, kissing her deeply as he ruts against her and relishes in the feeling. he's pulling off his sweats and boxers in record time and then he's pumping himself as he grips her hips, turning her so she's on her stomach, ass propped up slightly. his hand runs over the smooth skin of her ass, snapping the elastic of her panties and making her moan quietly.

then he's lining up her hips with his, pulling aside the lacy seat of her underwear to press against her entrance. he waits a moment as he leans to press a soft kiss to her spine, slowly easing into her. she moans loudly as he eases in, her face pressing against the pillows. she smiles as she smells the scent she'd just recently come to know as his, his cock stretching her and filling her up fully as he buries himself to the hilt inside her.

"so tight, sugar." he mutters and she whimpers, getting antsy as she adjusts to his size. "richie, please, need it so bad." she mutters, bucking her hips back against him in need.

"say that again." he mutters, sounding strangled, and she grins into the sheets. "please fuck me, richie. need it so bad, need to feel you ruin me." she whimpers, chest fluttering in anticipation. his hands grip her hips as he pulls out of her slowly, almost as slowly as he entered, before stopping almost all the way out. she moans loudly in pleasure as he pushes back in, snapping his hips against hers and filling her completely.

she briefly thanks god that his roommate seemed to be out for the night as she moans his name loud enough for the neighbors to hear.

he sets a brutal pace, his cock thick as it fills her up and makes her toes curl. he pushes her hair away from her neck and presses kisses to it as he hits a spot inside her that makes her scream his name. his fingers move to pinch her nipples, rolling them as he fucks into her.

she's completely blissed out at the feeling of him inside her, so glad that he invited her over and that they finally get to touch each other. "rich, oh my god." she emits, eyes squinted shut in complete pleasure.

"fuck, toots, takin' me so well, aren't you?" he asks, hands kneading her ass before slapping her right ass cheek harshly, making her arch her back. at the new angle they both let out a groan and richie knows he'll fucking cum too soon if they stay like this, so without warning he pulls out completely.

y/n whines, breathing heavily as his hands come to flip her around. now on her back, they make eye contact and she bites her lip, pulling him in for a searing kiss that knocks the wind out of both of them. images of richie in his room alone, snaps and late-night face times play through her mind as he grips her and slides her hips down towards him on the mattress and lines himself to her again, pulling her legs up so they're against his chest before pushing in.

he gives no time to adjust to this angle and it makes her moan loudly as he hits a spot deep inside her that pulls her closer and closer to her second orgasm.

his name leaves her cherry lips like a mantra and he can't stop staring at her as he fucks her into the mattress - the way her tits bounce with his brutal pace, the way her face is twisted in pleasure, the way she clenches and spasms around his cock.

one hand grips her breast, rubbing her nipple with his thumb and forefinger as he kisses her again, addicted to her taste as he feels himself coming closer and closer to the edge.

"chee, fuck, right there." she moans out and he groans in pleasure, the feeling of her walls clenching around him making his hips stutter. he keeps his thrusts up, though, as her fingernails rake down his back leaving small trails of burning pleasure in their wake.

her skin is covered with a sheen line of sweat as she looks up at him, hair wild and lips kiss-bruised. "god, don't stop, 'm gonna cum." she mutters and he snaps his hips harder, eager to make her cum so hard all she can think of is his name.

he moves a hand down to rub at her clit and he moans into her neck as she clenches hard around him, her hips bucking spastically. he can tell she's about to cum, and after a hard thrust, she does for the second time, spasming around him and sending waves of pleasure up his body. she's moaning his name, pulling him closer in bliss as she becomes sensitive and god damn it, she's so fucking beautiful.

"please cum, richie." she whispers against his lips, "please."  and then at her will, he's spilling into her, hips stuttering as he pushes as deep into her as he can, loving how she clenches in sensitivity around him. he stays inside her for a moment as they breathe, coming down from their highs and eyes closed as they take in what just happened.

"holy shit." he says because yeah, that's like all he can say right now because he just got to fuck y/n and she's kissing his fucking collarbones right now and its making him blush and his heart flutter.

"that was...incredible." she whispers against his skin and he can feel her smile against his skin. it makes him feel all soft inside as he pulls out of her and flops next to her, kissing her forehead.

his fingers flutter over her sensitive core, smiling as he sees how wrecked she is, some cum dripping down her leg. he then soothes over the lace panties, patting her lightly and kissing her red cheek.

"rich?" she asks, making him look up at her. he hums in question, pushing some of her hair back. "can we still watch the movie?"

his heart swells and he grins, kissing her softly. "of course, doll. you're too cute." he says with a wink, making her roll her eyes. he hands her his shirt and then pulls sweats on himself, mumbling "stay here" and padding out to the kitchen to get her water and snacks,  then returning minutes later to see her holding his phone in her clutch with a smirk.

"what're you doing?" he asks with a smile, but she shakes her head, making grabby hands for him and the snacks. so he laughs, cuddling up with the girl of his dreams and watching a flick, falling sleep with tangled limbs and a lipstick-stained neck.

and after she leaves the next morning with a kiss and a wink, he checks his phone and smirks to himself as he notices the lock screen she'd apparently made last night while he was making snacks.

a photo of her in his bed, wearing his shirt, a soft smirk on her face, neck littered in budding hickeys and a hand between her thighs next to her black lace panties.

god, she's going to be the absolute death of him.

//tag list:  @gabiatthedisco @blisshemmings @simplesammyx @dickology64 @clownsloveyou @emnotm @moon-shine-baby @toziershmozier @daughter-of-the-stars11 @lets-vibe-bro @trashedfortozier @oceandog13 @beauregard-s@finnskindofwoman  @kait-tozier @upamongthestarss \\

[amyscascadingtabs]

fic interview tag

tagged by @feeisamarshmallow and @peralta-guaranteed! thank you guys, finally had time for this now :)

name: johanna/amyscascadingtabs on tumblr and ao3!

fandoms that I write for: right now only b99. through time it’s also been harry potter, with brief adventures (like a few works each, mostly unpublished) in skam, shadowhunters, glee and carmilla i think

two-shot: uhh i mostly either do one-shots or even longer. i suppose your light, it follows me in darkness is an unintentional two-shot right now because i had a third chapter planned but guys, the inspiration is GONE, like i cannot find it _anywhere_ and yeah. i’m ashamed because i genuinely never drop things like that but i guess we’ll see.

most popular multichapter: i don’t have a lot of them (but one more is coming!!) but i’ll walk through hell with you is my biggest one and it was a big part of my life during an otherwise pretty terrible time for me and it’s just. very dear to me :’)

if we count oneshot collections (which we’re probably not) then i just saw that i just care about being with you has 1100 kudos which is insaaane. 🥺

actual Worst Part about Writing: ooohh. i don’t know. when the inspiration just won’t come. when every line just sounds wrong. when something doesn’t do as well as you’d hoped for and you have to give up on ideas. also dialogue tags, euphemisms for genitals, realising you’ve used that one word a ton of times and having to change it, remembering you have to add in touches of scenery and having to go back... it has its downs. or just when you realise you’re not happy with something and you have to rewrite it, it always annoys me (probably because i outline so much before that once i write it i want it to be Perfect)

how you choose your titles: i’m a song lyric gal, i used to have a whole document with possible ones that i updated but i haven’t used it in a while now! but usually song lyrics because.. i just like being able to associate music with writing anyway? i’ve always collected lyrics i like anyway so to be able to use them is a nice extra bonus!

do you outline? YES. like a crazy person if it’s a longer fic. okay, not a crazy person, but i sketch out all the scenes i want and before i write a scene, i sketch that out in even smaller steps, and before i write dialogue i usually write that one down first too. basically i really hate getting stuck and so i have to write down everything first in order to avoid it.

if anyone is curious this is an example of a basic outline for me, for the third part of the little that i know, i’ll tell to you. i usually copy that into the document i’m writing in and then i make it into even more detail and delete as i write it “properly”. i don’t know if any of that made sense haha but there you go, bonus insight into my brain and my first ideas!

i also always write down random ideas for later bits so i don’t forget them later!

ideas I probably won't get to but it would be nice: that third chapter of the miscarriage fic? lol. i don't know, but i'm definitely stressing about my fic exchange fics! otherwise i don't really have a lot of ideas i'm thinking about right now. we'll see what happens after season 8!

best writing habits: can i say my outlining? it helps me massively and just makes it that much easier for me because then i can enjoy the actual process without feeling like i’m getting stuck – i can get the ideas down without them having to sound “good” and i can later just write without worrying about getting stuck!! and also i'm pretty good at writing on my phone on trains and buses, which was a lot more useful when i actually used public transport daily, but hey. god i genuinely miss having 40 minutes of train commuting time to write on my phone sometimes, lol. 

spicy opinions: i agree with the ones that tagged me! but, hmm, i can’t really think of something else.. i have one thing which is going to seem like a callout but really isn’t meant to be, haha. anyway, uhm, i don’t like reading characters being outright self-deprecating about their own bodies, like calling themselves fat in negative ways. that can get me down a lot sometimes to be honest. but each to their own, i’m aware this is a bit of a personal issue for me. 

tagging: not sure who has/hasn’t been tagged right now... but i’d be interested in what @amydancepants-peralta, @b99peraltiago and @letsperaltiago​ has to say!

[kinetic-elaboration]

100 Days of Writing: Day Sixteen

Continuing this project @the-wip-project and tagging fellow participants @she-who-the-river-could-not-hold @thelittlefanpire @hopskipaway @easilydistractedbyfanfic @dylanobrienisbatman.

The Bravenlarke Poly Fic has been worming its way into my brain again recently. I say ‘fic’... more like incredibly vague idea. It’s been trying to become less vague, I think.

I have been treating this as a (long) one-shot but it’s starting to feel more like a multi-chap. That makes it less likely I’ll actually write it but increases the potential fun of planning it. I just don’t think it can be rushed although I really do need to write things I can rush lol.

I think if I’m going to use this as an opportunity to work stuff out, I need to give each relationship and relationship-facet its due. It would thus be much more relationship-focused than anything I’ve written in a while. The other weird thing about it is that I have no sense of the setting. Probably post-college modern AU--I guess I could consider college AU but I want this to be abut working through feelings, not actual events, plus... I want a bit more emotional stability/maturity. I like working with setting and I do often see cool houses or neighborhoods and think ‘want to write something that takes place here but idk what.’ I also know I need to have some kinda strong setting/mood or I’ll become bored.

So, hmmm. That’s one thing I need to marinate on. Another is the start of it. I’m not sure... how to portray the initial two relationships. I’m picturing Raven and Clarke on, like, parallel tracks that eventually converge. Also, this is the least interesting part imo because it’s just modern-au-canon and I’m not so fascinated by that. But I ALSO want to give each ‘era’ its due, and I think it’s necessary to do so to tell the story properly. Again, haven’t thought it out in any real way but that’s the vibe I’m sensing from my unconscious planning.

And the third thing is, I should decide at some point how much RL is going into this. Right now I’m leaning to as little as possible; I want it to be its own tale. But emotionally... the same reasons I want to write it are the reasons I’m a bit scared to write it: an opportunity to dig into some conflicting emotions and thoughts.

Anyway, there really aren’t details of any sort yet, but I feel... I feel some part of my brain working on it, like priming me to sit down sometime and seriously brainstorm on the topic. Idk if it’ll get farther than brainstorming but I feel a light sort of enthusiasm that hasn’t yet been tainted by the intimidation factor I’m sure is coming, especially given the real life component.

[wonwoonlight]

check in tag!✨

hellooo @chanberriees thank you for tagging me <3 hahaha its okay! dont feel embarrassed at least not with me💚

why did you choose your url ?

> it's wonwoo + moonlight :D my blog title has always been 'we under the moonlight' which is from got7's 3rd??? fanmeeting?? i think? so yeah i'd like to just mesh them tgt :D

do you have any sideblogs ?

> @starry-hannie in which i just pile up stuffs i've read just so my updates here wont get 'clogged' & its easier if i want to reread 🙈 tho i dont update it quite as often now bc i havent been in a reading mood in a while :/

how long have you been on tumblr ?

> a loooooooong time ago lol i used to look up dramione fics and a lot of other fics but i was never active and it's only recently that i am :D ((that said, i still do not know how to use tumblr properly))

do you have a queue tag ?

> nope! and, for the record, i keep my draft on ms words

why did you start your blog in the first place ?

> i've always been interested in writing tbh so i guess i kinda wanted to venture to tumblr tho it's only last year that i actuallly get to ~actively~ write

why did you choose your icon/pfp ?

> it's the ultimate superior wonu look nsdjnsjfb (plus i like the color scheme haha) i love it when he dresses like that so im still upset he only wore those outfit for like 10 seconds in gose

why did you choose your header ?

> i like the mood of it ^^ but also it's a subtle way to show i am also a blink bc it's a screen capture from stay mv hahah

what’s your post with the most notes ?

> uhh i think it's Wonwoo - Surprise which is surprising (haha) bc it was my first angst and my first fic that went pass 2k too i think? and i was SO sure it'd be bad but i still get notifs from it from time to time

how many mutuals do you have ?

> im... i dont know,,, i think 10 at most?? but only bc i have no idea how to interact here jsdfjhb and mostly i follow back ppl if they talk to me a few times haha

how many followers do you have ?

> 508..?? omg?? when did i reach 500 ajshdbshdb thank you so much guyss😭😭

how many people do you follow ?

> only 57 but again bc i have no idea how tumblr works and i just mostly follow either: ppl who posts abt svt gifs, writers that i like, ppl who interact a lot with my blog, or fic recs acc :D i dont mind following a lot of you tho i just dont know who to follow bc only a little interact a lot with me haha

have you ever made a shitpost ?

> a lot?????? if you consider me losing my mind over seventeen that is hahah

how often do you use tumblr each day ?

> nowadays? so often. i check it like i check twt and ig haha

did you have a fight/argument with another blog once ? who won ?

> no bc 1. i only know a handful of ppl 2. im the type of person who keeps things to myself haha

how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ posts ?

> i dont mind them as long as you dont /force/ other ppl to do it to the point where they feel guilty if they dont

do you like tag games ?

> yesss! bc it's fun plus i get to know how you guys r doing haha

do you like ask games ?

> yupp, but it not a lot of ppl are interested in it and it's not like i can do it on my own right?? haha

which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous ?

> uhhh, again, i dont hv a lot of mutuals... but maybe pj? @wonunuu :D

do you have a crush on a mutual ?

> Nopeee

tags?

> yooooo! @wonunuu @shuajeong and @lovingyu04 I hope you guys r doing fine and its totally fine not to do this if you don’t feel like it :D

[therainroguebts]

♡︎ This or That Fanfic Edition ♡︎

Tagged by the incredible @janellion​, thank you so much for thinking of me ^~^)/ As always, I will post the original tag for easy copy and paste and then I will edit it to my own liking beneath the cut! You can find Kayla’s answers here.

slow burn or love at first sight // fake dating or secret dating // enemies to lovers or best friends to lovers // oh no there’s only one bed or long-distance correspondence // hurt-comfort or amnesia // fantasy AU or modern AU // mutual pining or domestic bliss // smut or fluff // canon-compliant or fix-it // reincarnation or character death // one-shot or multi chapter // kid fic or road trip fic // arranged marriage or accidental marriage// high school romance or middle aged romance // time travel or isolated together // neighbors or roommates // sci-fi AU or magic AU // body swap or gender bend // angst or crack // apocalyptic or mundane

❇ slow burn or love at first sight.

I... am not a patient person at all ._.) Slow burn fics can be awesome if done right, but most of the time I just get bored. Not to say the fic itself is boring or bad, that’s just how I am with things that are too long. It’s the same with anime! If given the choice, I would choose love at first sight simply because of that.

❇ fake dating or secret dating.

I don’t mind either, to be honest, but I feel like I’ve read and written more secret dating than I have fake dating. I guess there’s just something about trying to keep it a secret!

❇ enemies to lovers or best friends to lovers.

Again, I don’t mind either one, but I feel like best friends to lovers is more likely and much easier to write and read. Enemies to lovers can be very tricky because the whole point of being enemies is to hate each other, so it can be super hard to successfully transition into a loving relationship and, as mentioned above, I don’t have the patience that it would take for this.

❇ oh no there’s only one bed or long-distance correspondence.

This one is hard for me to choose. While both are amazing, I’ve found myself thinking about a long-distance fic for a while now, especially in the SMAU since, so I feel drawn to choosing that option.

❇ hurt-comfort or amnesia.

Most of my fics end up being hurt/comfort lol it’s basic and simple and I love that. I’m also not really a fan of amnesia fics. To be honest, I can’t really call any of the few that I have read.

❇ fantasy AU or modern AU.

While I certainly do enjoy fantasy, I feel more at ease with modern, both in writing and reading. My brain isn’t the... sharpest crayon in the pack and fantasy can come with loads of technicalities that my brain struggles to properly grasp. Plus you can relate more to modern!

❇ mutual pining or domestic bliss.

Both, to be honest haha But if I had to choose, I’ve definitely read/written more for mutual pining over domestic bliss. There’s just something so... final about marriage.

❇ smut or fluff.

Now, I enjoy smut. Most people do! But for me, reading/writing smut is more of a fleeting thing. I’ll sometimes get into the mood for some smut, but then I partake and I move on. Meanwhile, I’m always in the mood for fluff!

❇ canon-compliant or fix-it.

I honestly don’t think I can properly choose one of these because, well, in my opinion, all fanfics are technically fix-its while still remaining canon compliant. At least the fics that I write/read are, because they add an extra element that changes the story in ways while keeping it the same at the same time! Does that make sense??

❇ reincarnation or character death.

I avoid character deaths in both writing and reading. Period. But if I had to choose, it would be reincarnation because I have written this before. I’d rather keep avoiding fics about such things, though.

❇ one-shot or multi chapter.

As stated earlier, I have the patience of a flea. Most times, I just want to get in and get out, even with my fics. Reading, I lose interest fast. Writing, I can’t think of a good plot most times to make them keep going. Still, this doesn’t stop me from partaking in either lmfao But you can probably tell this by looking at all of the series that I haven’t finished.

❇ kid fic or road trip fic.

I’m not entirely sure what kid fics are? Is that just fics where the characters are kids?? Since I’m not sure, I’ll just choose road trip fics, which can be a fun read! I’ve personally only written it once or twice, though.

❇ arranged marriage or accidental marriage.

I... I’m sorry... accidental marriage?? How do you accidentally get married?? I am so confused. I don’t like arranged marriages because I think they are unfair but they are good plot armor for fics hehe

❇ high school romance or middle aged romance.

100% no contest. As someone that missed out on the high school experience and mostly watches school anime, I LOVE high school romance. While I have read/written middle aged romance because most people age them up, not feeling comfortable writing for teenagers ._.) Which, for smut I get, but eh.

❇ time travel or isolated together.

Time travel has never been my thing because that requires knowledge of different time periods or the brain power to create future/alternate times. However, I have been wanting to write a quarantine fic recently, partly inspired by #Alive which was a surprisingly good movie (and the English dub was funny).

❇ neighbors or roommates.

As roommates, you have so many more opportunities to make a bond and grow a relationship. This can be a lot harder as neighbors, or maybe I’m just biased because I personally never talk to my neighbors or interact with them or even SEE them most days.

❇ sci-fi AU or magic AU.

As stated above, sci-fi is above my brain’s pay grade lol I don’t understand most of it and it just doesn’t interest me. Now, magic? Love it! Especially if there are magical transforms involved! Though I’m not sure they’d be quite as epic in a fic.

❇ body swap or gender bend.

There’s just something about turning my favorite male characters into females for a short time that I just love. Though I’ve only written for it once or twice and I don’t believe I’ve read anything for it, either haha I just remember seeing these pictures of the Prince of Tennis boys turned into girls in bathing suits and it was just *chefs kiss*

❇ angst or crack.

CRACK. No contest lmfao While angst can be nice and needed to further a plot, I have more than enough angst in my real life and would rather NOT have too much in my fics. Crack can be hard to reach without being labeled simple comedy, in my opinion, but when you get there, it’s just amazing.

❇ apocalyptic or mundane.

I think apocalyptic can be fun in doses, but mundane just seems more... reachable, I guess? Slice of life has always been one of my go-tos because of its simplicity. It’s everyday life and feels more real and obtainable, you know?

Tagging: @kiralushia​ @kyokosasagawa​ @pudding-head-kenma​ @jen-and-jax​ @nekoma-hoe​ @sugaanoya​ @k-eijiakaashi​ & anyone that sees this and thinks it looks fun!

If you do NOT want to be tagged for such things (or if you do), please let me know!

[the-cryptographer]

For the yugioh ask meme - 9, 13, 18, 23, 31!

Thank you!! 9 and 13 got answered already. In my ‘ask’ tag if you’re interested  x’)

18. A random headcanon

Ah, I have so many at this point,lol. A lot of them really kind of spring up in the process of writing fic, andwhat I think makes sense and carries weight for that story so *shrugs*

There are some things I more or lessaccept as permanent facets of the characters, hmm:

Things about how Jounouchi’sgang life with Hirutani went, and how it ended. And how Jounouchi feels aboutthat, and how Honda helped and encouraged him in this huge way that Jounouchi couldn’t even acknowledge at the time and still struggles with acknowledging during canon. Experimental sexual encounter with Honda inmiddle school is also one of a few things about Jounouchi’s sexual history that’skind of permanently burned into my brain at this point as something that definitely happened.

Things about how Seto’s relationshipwith Gouzaburou went. I guess you could say I’ve crafted headcanons about how andfor what purpose Gouzaburou intended to mold Seto, and how and where heundermined his own motivations, but still ultimately succeeded. heh, I keepimagining Gouzaburou sitting on a recliner in hell, watching Seto build andopen Death-T and just shaking his head with such disdain. “What is all this? A death theme park? How is this going to monetiseproperly? How is this going to sustain Kaiba Corp? Seto. Seto. Papa taught youbetter than this~”And Seto’s just like, “fuckyou, I can build a death theme park and wear belts on my arms and piss awayyour whole estate and die penniless in a ditch if I want to – you can’t stopme.”Caught between a rock and a hard place, Seto. If you succeed at lifeand work you’ll only be doing what your abuser wants, but if you fail you’llonly be miserable. It’s your choice, with only your life on the line here :v

And, I guess Yami Malik not beinggone from Malik’s psyche post-canon is a headcanon? going from what canon’s seemingintent is in how it presents the end of Battle City, I think we’re meant to thinkthat Yami Malik is and Malik’s hateful feelings are gone(?) But I’m not surehow seriously anyone takes that? idk, I certainly don’t take it seriously.

None of these are fun headcanons,lol. idk, it can be a headcanon that Mai comes into town and treats everyone todim sum, right? Just imagine the whole gang eating dim sum. Imagine Jounouchiand Honda and Shizuka having a chopstick battle over the last shrimp dumpling.And then continuing to fight, over the gai lan this time, even though Honda doesn’t even like it.

31. Favorite duel

Isis vs Seto. It’s just… socathartic, omg. I have so many feelings about what this duel meant for both thecharacters. I like how it really ricochets through Seto’s fears and hubris anddownfall and resurrection, against Isis’s stony and completely assuredconfidence that they are utterly powerless. And how Seto ultimately believes inthe power of something more personal and connecting than just raw strength, andhow that becomes the power to decide your own destiny. It’s just- very good.

The Atem vs Seto duel from Duellist Kingdom, and the Atem vs Mai duel are second and third runners up.

23. NOTP

Ah, I still don’t really think I have any? I have prettynarrow preferences regarding a number of ships, but there’s not really anythingI think in abstract I’m really never up for seeing some portrayal of? In termsof ships I see regularly enough on trips around tumblr and fanfic land that I’mkind of full of mixed feelings on… the rest is under the cut:

I can’t say I find myself super interested in Atem/Yuugi. I don’t reallyunderstand myself, but I’ve even kind of been randomly and viscerally squicked at times byportrayals of them kissing or preforming sex acts on one another (as opposed topreforming sex acts on someone else in each other’s general vicinity, lol).Which is really bizarre, since I’m a big fan of emblematik’s fic and own agrand total of one R18 doujin about them. So, idk, there’s nothing objectionable about it in the slightest. But I seem to heavily preferAtem and Yuugi being platonic in most cases for some reason?

I’m also not really fond of the vast majority of Ryou/YamiMalik interpretations. I’m not really that fond of Yami Malik in a completelyseparate body and as a completely separate entity that’s not at all amanifestation of Malik prime’s emotional needs (or vice versa, really). I kindof consider Malik and Yami Malik a package deal, so I’m not really especiallykeen on seeing one ship dealt with in absentia of the other. And, even if I was,I kind of think Malik and Yami Bakura are better developed characters that canbe used to cover a lot of the messy Ryou ship dynamics, well, better. But- I really, reallylike (platonic or nonplatonic) angstshipping, and I do consider (platonicor nonplatonic) Ryou/Yami Malik a facet of that. A facet that can reap reallyinteresting results. And so I want to see a lot more of Ryou and the Maliks butmaybe not in the way I see the fandom usually be about them.

And, idk, it seems like I’ve had a lot of salty af feelingsabout Isis/Mai. I don’t know. I am (1) very overly invested in Mai being reallytraumatised by Yami Malik’s behaviour towards her, (2) very overly invested inMalik being held accountable as (at the very least) complicit in Yami Malik’sbehaviour, (3) very overly invested in Mai being allowed to never forgive Malikever, and (4) very overly invested in Isis and Rishid being there to supportMalik and be on his team basically regardless of how bad he’s fucked up ateverything ever. These four points feed right into so much that I love aboutBattle City and DOMA, and somewhere in them is a pretty big conflict ofinterest that kind of prevents Isis/Mai and Mai/Rishid from not being superfucked up on some level. And, idk, I don’t really see a lot of super fucked upportrayals of them? Which is fine, I guess? I think my four points up there areperhaps overly specific readings of the text? But they all kind of lead me tohaving a kneejerk reaction against the ships bc my insect brain goes: ‘this ispressuring a woman to get over her abuse and pretend it didn’t happen’. Whichis something I’m familiar as with per my personal life, which is kind ofuncomfortable. Which makes me want desperately to read a Isis/Mai fic aboutgaslighting, and them dealing with dissimilar approaches to their own abuserecovery and erroneously expecting the other to be on the same page, and eventually beingable to understand each other and knowing their relationship needs a lot of distancein places and that’s sad but it still might be something worth holding onto? SoI guess I’m back to shipping it again, except I have to write it myself orsomething, idk.(except i also understand that everyone i unabashedly ship Maiwith is a tiny baby and that has its own potential problems – just ones ihaven’t had to live with? idk, why doesn’t ygo canon have any passionate,hot-blooded adult people i want to ship Mai with? Vivian, you are my onlysalvation.)

idk, I don’t like Mokuba/Shizuka either. except it might befine if somebody convinced me Mokuba and Shizuka could connect on a meaningfullevel that wasn’t just ‘making JouKai drama happen’. and i don’t likeHonda/Shizuka either. except i do like it, because I like Honda/Otogi/Shizukatriad. except I’ve never read any Honda/Shizuka by itself that wasn’t justuncomfortably assuming that Shizuka would get with Honda and not dealing withthe fact that Honda is an entitled lying liar who should question just what it ishe feels entitled to, and why. andwhat kind of relationship he’ll be participating in, and why. smh.

And I have a hard time seeing Atem being attracted to Anzuin canon, so I’m not big on shipping them, but it wouldn’t drive me away fromsomething either? Anzu/Atem: why not? and i used to feel sort of ‘why not?’ but not super interested inAtem/Kaiba. but then I gotangry at antishippers and then I talked to rainstormcolors too much, and now Ikind of ship it. Except I still get the feeling that most people who ship itaren’t really looking for the same dynamic in it that I’m really looking for.Which is, when I think about it, the exact same problem I have with JouKai(except slightly less bad, bc JouKai is much trashier). So I’ve done a 180degree turn here from notp problems to otp problems because for me they are thesame problems. always the same problems.

ETA: Itoccurs to me I probably could have added Seto/Shizuka to this list. Myunderstanding of Seto is that he’s someone who wouldn’t be at all compassionateabout her no-money, abuse, and disability problems. And my understanding ofShizuka is that she’s someone that would take that keenly to heart in arelationship. But, oh noes, once more I have read at least one fic for thisship that I liked. And I kind of like the idea of fucked up Season Zero Seto/Shizuka a lot too ;_;

Thank you again for the ask x)

[phancystuff]

Trying to Remember How it Feels (To Have a Heartbeat) 4/7

Pairing: Dan/ Phil (Phan) Summary: Dan moves into a new apartment in London and, though it’s a step up from his old apartment, his landlord gives him strange warnings while he’s touring the place– something about the last renters leaving because of ghost sightings. But, Dan doesn’t believe in the supernatural. He quickly changes his tune when he meets Phil Lester, the ghost haunting his apartment. Well, if haunting means quickly becoming the best friend he’s ever had. (Title from Harry Styles’ song Two Ghosts) Notes: Part 4 of my Spooky Week Special! This fic is almost 100% already written and I plan on updating it every day until Halloween. Please note that, although this fic has the warning of major character death, it is not in any way graphic. Tags/ Warnings: ghost au, Halloween, major character death (obv. it’s a ghost au lol), depictions of panic attacks, angst, fluff, HAPPY ENDING, mentions of suicide (it happens in a movie they watch)

Read it on AO3 Part One Part Two Part Three

Late afternoon came and Dan’s skin was sticky with the sweat of staying in bed all day. He extracted himself from the blankets, telling Phil he was going to take a shower. Phil nodded absently, shifting Dan’s laptop so it sat on his lap.

While Dan was gone, Phil opened an incognito window and used Google Street View to explore London, letting himself imagine that he had finally relented to Dan and was walking around London in Dan’s body. Could it be that much of a bad idea? Dan wanted to do this for him-- and Phil was pretty sure why Dan was willing, but that scared Phil even more than possession-- but why should Phil be the one to say no? They both wanted to experience this. Phil directed Google Street View to their apartment complex, staring at it through the computer screen. He didn’t hate the apartment; he had tried hard to think of it as a home, not a prison. But then Dan had come along and made him want so much more.

Phil used to spend his days sneakily watching whoever lived in the apartment at the time. Sometimes he would try to watch TV or look over their shoulders while they were on the internet. Sometimes he would just watch renters eat food, wondering what it would be like to taste again. He would even settle for the ability to eat cheese, and he hated cheese. Phil would very rarely appear in his physical form and it was usually when renter were asleep or away from the apartment. He hadn’t directly and purposefully interacted with anyone until Dan came along.

And Dan had given him a lot more than simple interaction. Dan showed him TV shows and movies and let him play video games. Dan bought and surprised him with gifts. Dan listened to Phil as he spoke about his memories: his mum, his first crush, his A levels discovering YouTube, going to uni, wondering where he was going in life. Phil hadn’t told Dan about his death, and maybe that wasn’t fair, but Dan didn’t push Phil. Dan figured out a way for them to touch and didn’t seem to mind that it made him feel so cold, because it made Phil feel warm. It made him feel an echo of life.

Phil ached with longing. He wanted to be with Dan in every way and sense. He wanted to be able to hold hands. He wanted to be able to warm Dan, instead of freeze him to death. He wanted to... kiss Dan. Phil remembered what it was like to kiss. He had quite enjoyed it, before he had died. He loved the press of lips against his own. The soft scrape of stubble against his chin. The soft, wet heat of the inside of another person’s mouth. Phil wanted to do other things with Dan, too. Other things that Phil missed just as much as kissing. He wanted them to be able to fall in bed, touching each other all over. He wanted to know what it was like to move inside Dan and hold him close.

But, he didn’t want to possess Dan. He wanted to be with Dan as a separate, living, breathing, loving entity. But Phil was dead. His body was a husk-- a mere hollow copy of what it once was. Sure, he cold mould it and shape it into something similar to reality. But, he couldn’t have Dan in the ways that he really wanted. A tear slipped down Phil’s cheek.

“Fuck,” he whispered brokenly.

“What’s wrong, Phil?” Dan said quietly, standing in the doorway of his bed. His hair was wet, curling against his forehead and Phil thought about running his fingers through it. More tears joined the first. Phil balled his hands up into two fists and squeezed, trying to remind his fingers that he couldn’t touch and feel anymore. He was dead, damn it.

Suddenly, words that Phil had been denying for months were spilling out of his mouth and he couldn’t stop them. “I love you, Dan. I love you, but I can’t love you properly.” Phil broke down, pushing the laptop off his body and doubling over into himself.

Dan joined Phil on the bed, pulling the sleeves of his jumper over his hands and gathering the ghost in a tight hug. “Fuck. Fuck, Phil.” Dan squeezed, even though Phil wouldn’t be able to feel the tightening pressure, just the warmth it produced. “I-I love you too. Of course I love you.” He hunkered over the balled-up ghost; it looked like he was shielding Phil from something. His clothes did little to protect him against the cold and Dan was immediately shivering. Phil cried harder at that. He was tempted to disappear into thin air again and save Dan from his icy skin and the feeling of death that was probably being pumped into Dan’s body. Dan shivered harder when his cheek pressed up into Phil’s bare neck. Dan felt like the late autumn wind had been biting at his cheeks for hours. It hurt. But he didn’t want to move. He loved Phil so much; the physical hurt was nothing compared to the recognition that Phil wasn’t as ok as he made himself out to be.

Phil could tell that Dan was shuddering violently. This was what he did to Dan. Where Dan made Phil feel warm and alive, Phil just sucked the life out of Dan. It was a one-sided relationship that, ultimately, hurt Dan. Unable to handle the thought of Dan physically hurting for his sake, Phil made his body disappear.

The next moment happened so quickly, but seemed like years for both of the boys.

As Dan slumped over onto the bed where Phil was previously sitting, Phil felt himself slide into heavenly warmth. His vision blacked out and he was swimming aimlessly in what felt like warmed honey. It caressed his skin, squeezing into his pores and wrinkles. It filled his nose and mouth and he could feel himself drowning. It wasn’t scary; it didn’t hurt. Familiar and unfamiliar images flashed in his mind, replacing the darkness. He saw everything as if he was experiencing it, but the images were so quick that he only just began comprehending them before another one was taking its place. A woman spooning baby food at him. A friend clinking a pint against the one he held. A beautiful girl kissing him. Standing at a mirror, seeing Dan in the reflection. Smells, sounds, tastes, and feelings attacked him while the images played in his brain. Peppermint, baby crying, axe body spray, fur rubbing against his body, orgasms, piano notes, italian food, tongue running up his neck. He couldn’t comprehend the cacophony and it hurt him and overwhelmed his senses. Right as Phil felt that he couldn’t take the chaos any longer and something had to break, it was all over and he was slammed back into reality.

Except, his chest thumped. The heartbeat inside it was so loud and strong that it hurt. He was warm and-- he ran his hands across the material of Dan’s duvet-- he could feel. It was soft and slippery. He could feel the fluff inside the blanket. He smelled vanilla and something spicey. The apartment was slightly chilly, since Dan hadn’t bothered to turn up the heat that day. Dan! Phil looked around the bedroom, wondering where Dan had gone. Realization made Phil close his eyes against the onslaught of sensation. He lifted up his hand and felt soft, slightly wet curly hair. He was in Dan’s body.

He had accidentally possessed Dan’s body.

Phil’s-- Dan’s?-- heartbeat picked up, if that was even possible. Phil’s eyes snapped open and darted over the room. His fingers prickled with numbness. Adrenaline and panic rushed through his blood. Phil’s thoughts raced, wondering what he was going to do. Where had Dan gone? How was Phil going to get out of Dan’s body? Would there be any Dan left when Phil was gone?

Phil? A calm, questioning voice was in Phil’s mind. He recognized Dan’s voice.

“Dan! Oh god, thank god. I’m so sorry; this was an accident!” Phil trembled violently. Phil looked down at Dan’s fingers. They were shaking and he couldn’t stop them. They felt numb and he panicked, fearing that he was doing something irreversible to Dan’s body. “Dan? Dan, I’m scared. Something’s happening to you. I f-feel numb. You, you--”

Everything’s ok. It’s just a panic attack.  My body is just reacting to your inner panic. You have to calm your mind if my body is going to follow suit. I’m ok. You’re ok. Please breathe. Phil followed Dan’s advice, replacing hyperventilating breaths with slow, albeit broken ones.

“Where are you, Dan?”

Shhh, I’m ok. Breathe. Despite Dan’s reassuring words, Phil’s mind continued to spiral and the body that he was in followed suit.

“What helps you when you have a panic attack D-Dan?” Phil’s words stumbled out of his mouth. He was still talking out loud; he didn’t have time to wonder how this worked logistically or if Dan could hear his thoughts.

Ground yourself. Squeeze your hands around your wrist. Drag your fingers over your neck. Hum to yourself. Breathe. Feeling silly, but trusting Dan to know his own body, Phil followed Dan’s advice and continued to breathe slowly and deliberately. It took several minutes, but soon Dan’s body was cooperating. Phil quieted his frantic thoughts.

“Ok. Ok. I’m ok, I think. Well-- I guess it’s you we are talking about.” Phil chuckled without humor. Everything was wrong. He shouldn’t be in Dan’s body. 

For the sake of clarity, let’s just call it you. I’m all yours right now. Dan giggled at the euphemism and Phil wished that he could push Dan over. Well, Phil could, but he figured it wouldn’t be very effective in chastising Dan.

“Note to self: don’t de-manifest when you’re holding me. Apparently that’s how possession works.” Phil stretched out his legs; they ached from being tucked underneath him for so long. Phil was momentarily lost in the feeling of discomfort that he hadn’t felt in seven years. He wiggled his toes. “You got your wish, I guess.” Phil winced, suddenly wondering how he could be so selfish. “Jesus, Dan, I haven’t even checked. Are you ok?”

I’m fine. Phil could almost see him rolling his eyes. I can’t feel anything. I can see what you see, though, so no doing naughty things to my body.

Phil was in disbelief that Dan was actually joking. “Aren’t you frightened?” Phil gasped, exasperated. “This could be permanent! You could die! I don’t know how to get out of your body.” Phil held out a stern finger, knowing Dan could see it. “Don’t you dare make another dirty joke off that one.”

Dan laughed in Phil’s mind, long and loud. How many times do I have to tell you? I’m not worried. I trust you; I’m not going to die. And even if I did--

“--Don’t finish that sentence.” Phil was serious all of a sudden. Something in Phil’s tone caused Dan to stop talking.

Well, anyway. How does this work? Like, what do you feel?

Phil tried to capture what he felt into words. But how could you describe to someone what it’s like to feel, smell, and taste again after seven years of numbness? Phil could only liken it to things that captured a little piece of his euphoria. Sudden warmth after a long day outside during the winter. Taking off your shoes and socks after walking for hours. Having your favorite food for the first time in awhile. Orgasming after edging yourself. Dan had stuttered a nonsensical response to that comparison and Phil had smirked.

Together, they discovered that Phil had no access to Dan’s memories or thoughts that Dan didn’t consciously express to Phil. Dan couldn’t hear Phil when he thought to himself, only when Phil spoke aloud. It was as if two conscious minds were existing in Dan’s head at once, but Phil had the control over the body.

Phil discovered that he could choose to speak in Dan’s voice or his own. Both weirded him out. It was odd to hear Dan’s voice come out instead of his own, but it felt wrong when his voice came out of Dan’s mouth. Phil settled on his own voice, still feeling uncomfortable despite having Dan’s full consent.

Phil hadn’t moved off of Dan’s bed, still wanting to give Dan’s body back to him rather than continue to explore this new experience. However, Dan was a pushy voice in his head. Get up! Run around! Touch stuff. Go cook and eat and, Phil, you could leave the house! Let’s go to a restaurant and eat!

“I don’t know, Dan. I feel guilty.” Phil eyed the city outside of Dan’s window warily.

That’s why I trust you. You aren’t going to take advantage of this. But we are here, so you might as well enjoy it.

As always, stubborn Dan convinced Phil to leave the apartment. Phil stood at the entryway to the flat, one foot stuck soundly to the floor, the other hovering over the open doorway. “I’m scared,” Phil whispered, staring at the space directly outside the apartment. “I don’t know why, but I’m scared.”

Dan made a soothing sound in his head. I understand. It’s been a long time. Take your time.

It was minutes later when Phil’s foot was moving again, seemingly of its own accord. He watched as his foot touched the carpet in the hallway. The smell of musty carpet and cat pee attacked his nostrils. Another foot followed behind him and Phil realized that he was outside. Seven years after moving into the London apartment that he had been so excited to find, he was finally out of it. He collapsed onto the ground, his knees giving out underneath his weight.

Phil felt the rough, slightly sticky carpet with his hands. A tear threatened to leak out the corner of his eye. He brushed it away. “Shit, Dan. I’m out.”

You’re out, Dan said, his voice full of wonder. He was enjoying Phil’s freedom as much, if not more than Phil. Keep going. Phil stood up shakily. He couldn’t tell if he was tired or anxious.

Phil felt like a newborn calf, moving down the hall and toward the elevator on clumsy feet. It was almost like he had to learn to walk again. His muscles ached. Did it always take this much energy? Once in the lobby, he couldn’t help but collapse into one of the shitty lounge chairs on the carpet, next to the landlord’s office. Keeping his voice down low, Phil whispered. “I’m tired Dan. Already. I don’t know if I can walk anymore.”

Dan hummed, curious. Interesting. I’m not that out of shape. Phil could hear the smile in his voice.

“I think this has to do with my own shortcomings as a weak little ghost.” Phil replied, watching a middle aged woman walk through the lobby doors and cast him a vaguely confused look.

I won’t make a performance joke. Phil spluttered, causing the woman to look at him again, warily. Phil dug Dan’s phone out of his pocket and put it up to his ear. What are you doing?

“Faking a phone call so that woman stops looking at me like I’m going to murder her whole family.” Phil murmured quietly. “I don’t think I can go outside right now, though. To be completely honest, I may collapse on the pavement.”

I guess it makes sense. You’ve had to build up strength with each new trick you learn. Phil thought back to seven years ago when he first began practicing with electricity. At first, all he could do was dim the tiny bulb on his pikachu bathroom nightlight. That had been before the apartment had been completely stripped of his belongings, of course.

“Sorry, Dan, I wish this had been more exciting. I feel like I’ve let you down.” Phil dragged himself up, walking toward the elevator he had just come down on. He was thankful no one was around to see him re-enter it so soon.

Don’t be sorry. This was amazing. We’ll keep doing it; you’ll get stronger. Phil didn’t have the energy to argue with Dan. He piloted the body out of the elevator, back into the apartment, realizing that he had been too distracted to lock the door. Phil had just enough energy to collapse face-first back onto Dan’s bed and then he was suddenly being ripped from the realm of the living once again.

It didn’t hurt, perse. But the overwhelming sense of loss that returned suddenly was enough to make him hurt. If felt like heartbreak, more than anything else. To make matters worse, Phil didn’t even have enough energy to manifest himself in a physical form. He watched Dan pick himself off the surface of the bed and look around the bedroom. “Phil?” He called out.

Phil focused all his energy to whisper, “Sorry, not enough energy.” Since Phil was in his non-corporeal form, Dan heard the statement echo all around him. The hairs on his neck stood up, despite him knowing that it was just Phil. Dan got the message, understanding that Phil needed to recharge-- whatever that entailed. It was another ghost detail that he didn’t fully get.

It didn’t really matter. What mattered was that Phil had possessed Dan and they were going to continue to explore this new facet to Phil’s afterlife. Dan smiled, knowing that he had been able to give Phil a heartbeat again.  

***

Dan expected things to change after their mutual proclamation of love and the accidental possession, but it really didn’t. Dan and Phil continued to binge-play entire video games and watch way too much TV and poke fun at each other. They continued cuddling on the couch. Dan continued to make videos, his viewers noticing Dan’s new-found happiness and the unique, lighthearted editing style that snuck its way into his videos. His audience came up with hundreds of theories about the change they saw in Dan. Falling in love was at the top of the list and Dan had to smile at his viewers’ intuition.

The only changes to their lives were small. Phil took to laying next to Dan while he slept. They whispered soft, “I love you’s” to each other, every moment that it came to mind. They slipped little innuendos into their conversations, even though they both knew that kind of intimacy was impossible for them. They fantasized about what life would have been like if they could have made videos together. Phil talked about books and live stage shows and fantastical things that Dan couldn’t even comprehend being part of his life. Talking like that should have made them sad, but they had found each other in the end, so why should they dwell on the negative?

And, like with all of the other ghost powers, Dan and Phil practiced possession. It took a month, but by the end of September, Phil was able to walk around London with the strength of a living person. Both of them were delighted; Phil was slowly losing his reservations about possession as it proved to be completely harmless. Phil was finally able to experience his favorite time of year again. The autumn breeze blowing against his skin and the sound of crisp leaves crunching under his feet brought tears to his eyes the first time he had successfully entered the outside world.

Phil had realized, with disgust, that he had the ability to do some pretty nefarious things to Dan while possessing him. With a sick intuition, Phil knew that he could silence Dan’s thoughts or even drive him out of his own body. But, Phil loved Dan. He wanted Dan safe and happy. He could never do what he knew, in the back of his mind, he was capable of.

Dan, meanwhile, got more or less used to the numbness that would overwhelm him when Phil was possessing his body. Just like he had grown used to being cold most of the time because of their incessant touching. Dan didn’t complain and Phil never picked up on the discomfort Dan experienced. Dan was glad of this, only wanting Phil to focus on the feeling of bathing in the autumn air or holding a living being close to him again.

One of Phil’s favorite things to do was visit shelters and pet the dogs and cats housed in them. He loved being able to feel their soft fur and cuddle their warm bodies to his own (borrowed) warm body. The first of October came around and Phil asked Dan if he could “take his body for a spin to see kittens and Halloween decorations.” Of course, Dan had agreed, laying his body flat on his bed and letting Phil’s non-corporeal form sink into his skin. Dan was barraged by lonely images and heart-wrenchingly painful emotions, as always. They were snapshots of Phil’s afterlife; Dan had realized this after the first possession. They were always pretty similar: looking out of their apartment balcony, longing, watching renter after renter come and go, envy, looking down on Phil lying in bed, numbness, staring at the paint fade on their living room wall, boredom, watching an old YouTuber, nostalgia, seeing Dan staring back at him, love. When the images finally disappeared and vision was restored to Dan, he always had to choke back tears at the onslaught of emotional pain. Phil never caught on to Dan’s pain; Dan had to be thankful for his apparent acting skills.

“You ready, Dan?” Dan heard Phil say. It was an odd feeling, being able to see out of your eyes, but not being able to move or audibly speak. Dan likened it to sleep paralysis, something that he had been able to experience as a child. Ready, Phil. It was also odd to be aware of your body moving and a voice coming out of your mouth, but not of your own accord. Dan would never fully get used to it. But, he didn’t mind it.

As Phil made his way to the animal shelter, Dan thought about the experience of possession. He didn’t mind having to sit in a corner of his mind, completely numb to the outside world. He didn’t mind having to explicitly send thoughts to Phil in order to communicate. He didn’t even mind that, the longer Phil was in his body, the hazier Dan’s vision became and the less concrete he felt. Honestly, it was actually relaxing to be able to lose oneself so completely. Plus, anything was worth the happiness Dan could hear in Phil’s voice as he traveled, smelled, felt, tasted again.

Dan watched as his own hand reached out to stroke a pure white kitten. Phil was softly cooing at the little creature, whispering things like “your fur is so soft, pretty kitty” and “you are really the softest kitty in the world, aren’t you? Wow, congratulations on the honor.” Dan giggled so that Phil could hear his contentment. He could only imagine what it was like to feel fur after so many years of numbness.

When you are done presenting the kitty with her award, let’s go to the shop and buy some Halloween decorations. You love Halloween and our flat could use some festivity.

“Dan, it’s October first. Isn’t it too early?” Phil whispered, keeping an eye on the volunteer sweeping up cat fur across the room. She didn’t even notice Phil, thinking he was murmuring to the cat.

Pfft, it’s never to early to decorate for Halloween.

Phil had to agree and admit that he was buzzing with excitement at the prospect of decorating for his favorite holiday. There were just so many wonderful experiences that he had forgotten about that were suddenly coming back to him. He was so thankful to Dan for the opportunity to taste life again.

Ok, that’s our evening plans sorted. We are going to go get some decorations, spookify the house, and watch a creepy movie. Have you ever seen The Virgin Suicides?

“Nope,” Phil replied, gently removing himself from the cat and exiting the playroom, making sure to shut the door tightly on the way out. He brushed long strands of white fur of his (Dan’s) black skinny jeans. “Sounds creepy though.” Phil exited the animal shelter, waving at the volunteer on duty. Phil listened to Dan describe the plot of the Virgin Suicides and the apparent technical genius of Sophia Coppola. Phil enjoyed listening to Dan talk about movies, since Phil had finished a film degree right before he died. Together, but in one body, Dan and Phil made their way to the tube for their halloween decoration search.

Phil bought way too many decorations, but Dan didn’t even try to stop him. Dan found himself telling Phil buy it, every time his hand touched a new, Halloween themed piece of plastic or styrofoam. What was the point of the YouTube money if Dan didn’t spend it on some frivolous Halloween decorations?

Once back at the flat, with an embarrassing amount of shopping bags, Phil exited Dan’s body. After being ripped from Dan that first time, Phil had tried perfecting the art of slowly extracting himself from Dan’s body, like sliding out of bed on a cold, grey morning. Despite Phil’s attempts, they both had to take a moment to become reacclimated to their original forms. This time around, Phil recovered before Dan. He made the living boy a cup of tea. Dan accepted it gratefully as Phil looked on in concern. “Do you feel ok, Dan?”

Dan chugged the too-hot tea, relishing the burning he felt in his throat. There was something disconcerting about not being able to feel for hours on end. Dan had actually been a bit frightened toward the end of their outing, feeling himself getting more and more distant from his physical self. Dan kept his mouth shut, though, not wanting to spook Phil. If Phil sensed even a hint of trouble, he would never possess Dan again. Phil would never get to experience life again. “I’m ok, just a little dizzy. You can’t blame me, can you?” Dan snapped, immediately regretting his tone.

“Sorry, sorry. You’re right. I’m sure it’s dizzying.” Phil smiled understandingly.

Dan shook off his discomfort and forced himself off the sofa. “Sorry. That wasn’t fair... Let’s just get decorating, ok? We’ll make this flat look like Jack Skellington himself upchucked straight on it!” Dan’s stomach swooped, but he ignored it and the two boys commenced their festive decorating. They both donned fuzzy gloves and themed jumpers so that they could give each other soft touches while stringing lights and hanging up ghouls, skeletons, and vampires. Dan put on Halloween music (or just a ten hour loop of “Spooky Scary Skeletons: Dance Remix”). They put together an impressive, fake Halloween willow tree (“You have to assemble it? Phiiil, that’s work!”) and placed candy corn wreaths around the flat (“Hey, Phil, I found a place to put the wreath!” “Oh my god, that is horrific, we can’t have it in the bathroom, around Niall’s face!”) They flicked through the different fairy light options on the Halloween tree (“Woah, rave tree! Let’s have a Halloween rave!” “Yeah, Dan, “Spooky Scary Skeleton” makes great rave music!” “I’m glad you see it my way, Philly.”)

Dan collapsed on the sofa again, absolutely exhausted. He admired their handywork. “I’m glad we did this. I’m feeling the festivity! Shove a pumpkin straight up my ass.”

Phil nodded, holding his hands out and spinning around, ignoring Dan’s rude comment.  “I feel so festive, too! I can’t believe I’m actually getting a chance to experience Halloween again!” Phil sat down next to Dan on the couch and pulled the living boy into his arms. Phil wanted to tuck his head into Dan’s neck, but didn’t, knowing that his cold skin would hurt Dan.

“Isn’t it Halloween every day for you, mate?”

“Hah, hah. Very funny.” They sat in silence for a moment, admiring their handiwork. Dan was about to suggest putting on The Virgin Suicides when Phil spoke again. “It was very close to Halloween when I…” Dan’s eye widened when he realize what Phil was talking about. “...died.” Phil whispered, as if saying it louder would make it happen again somehow. “It was late September. I had just moved here.” Dan tentatively wrapped his arms around Phil and carded one hand through his hair.

Dan didn’t know what to say. Phil didn’t offer any more information and Dan didn’t pry, even though he was aching to know how Phil had died. Instead, Dan grabbed Phil’s hand and brought it up to his lips, softly pressing a kiss to the glove. “I love you,” Dan whispered so softly, as if loud words would cause Phil to shatter. “Let’s put on that movie.”

Phil nodded and they separated temporarily. The movie was really good, Dan hadn’t been lying. It was one of his favorites and perfect for around Halloween. It was disturbing, without being gory. It was lonely in an “indie film” kind of way.

Dan and Phil were cuddled up close, so Dan felt the exact moment during the movie when Phil froze in his arms.

One of the suicides. The young girl had stuffed the exhaust pipe of her parents’ old station wagon and died breathing in its fumes. It was always one of the more disturbing images of the movie, but Phil had certainly watched worse with Dan. Despite this, Phil gasped at the image of the girl’s hand slumping of the car door, a cigarette falling out from between her fingers. He sprung up to his feet. Dan paused the movie.

“Phil…? Are you ok?”

Phil whirled around to face Dan and fear prickled in Dan’s stomach. “You--” Phil said accusingly, sticking his finger out at Dan. Phil’s finger shook violently and his chin wobbled with emotion.

“What? You’re scaring me.” Dan replied, softly, meeting Phil’s dark eyes. Phil studied him and collapsed onto the floor, the fight draining out of him as quickly as it had come.

“I thought you had--” Phil pressed his hands into his eyes and let out a desperate cry. Dan stared at him, completely confused.

“Wha--? Phil, talk to me. I don’t understand.”

Suddenly Phil was speaking. His eyes shone, but there were no tears. He rocked back and forth. “I had just moved in here. I was so excited. A London apartment. I expected to move to Manchester, but I found an interesting video production job in London to do while also doing YouTube. The pay was pretty good, so I could afford the city. I thought my life was finally shaping up.”

Dan was shocked at the sudden onslaught of words coming out of Phil’s mouth. They were completely out of place, spilling from his lips like they had been building up for years. Phil sounded unhinged, like the words were some unnatural thing crawling out of his throat. Dan wanted nothing more than for Phil to stop. “Phil, I’m so confused. What are you talking about?”

Phil ignored him. “My death wasn’t exciting.” Dan gasped, realizing what Phil was about to tell him. Phil’s voice was monotone and Dan hated it. This wasn’t the Phil he had come to know. The one who still said ‘rawr’ unironically and did animal impressions around the flat. The one who groaned and bit game controllers when a Sonic the Hedgehog level was too hard. The Phil whose favorite food was popcorn and loved holding Dan’s hand. He sounded, no pun intended, dead on the inside. “It wasn’t tragic or heroic. It was just a stupid accident and I should never have been so angry when you asked about it. I should have never waited this long to tell you. I love you and you should know.” Phil finally looked at Dan. Even if Dan lived for a hundred years, he knew that he would never see an expression more full of grief than the one that Phil wore on his face. Dan could only stare with wide eyes.

Part five

[larryfanfiction]

Ao3?   hattalove

Tumblr?     hattalove

Name?   kris

Age?   21

How long have you been a fan of One Direction?   i think it’s going to be four years this march….jesus

Who is your favorite fic author?   tashie togetherwecouldbealright, and i’m also very partial to 100percentsassy and gloriaandrews’ fics.

What is your favorite fic?   THIS IS TOO HARD i don’t know if it’s even possible to just have one favorite, but the first thing that popped into my head was be my little good luck charm.

When did you start writing?   long enough ago that i can’t really remember, i learned how to write at 5/6 so probably not long after that. i think i wrote a very lengthy poem about spring when i was 7, so definitely by then.

What was your favorite fic to write and why?   in all honesty, the general process of writing is extremely painful for me..but probably run away home, partly because it was about horses and i really love horses, and partly because i’d like to think i improve a little with every fic i write and i ended up really liking the character dynamics i created there, especially lilo and h/l.

How and where do you find inspiration?   all sorts of media, usually. i’m very, very bad at coming up with original ideas (working on it, though!), but when i’m watching a movie or tv show, i immediately start thinking of what harry and louis would be like with that kind of dynamic or how they would fit into that environment. it’s been movies, tv shows, a gif…the one i’m writing now was also inspired by a movie, and the one i want to write next is set in a tv show environment.

Are any of your stories influenced by personal experience?     i guess it depends. i’d like to think i’m a decent baker, so i drew on that experience when writing leave it to the breeze, and i’ve been a huge horse nerd since age four, which came in useful when writing run away home. i was also in a long-distance relationship, and i’m asexual, which were both key elements of wait up i’m coming home (i just almost forgot that i wrote that one, lol). so i actually guess i do, even though i was ready to say not really.

How do you get over writer’s block?   i don’t think i really get writer’s block, i just get lazy. usually it’s because i’ve come to the end of what i initially had planned for the plot, so the only way i move myself forward when that happens is sitting down and forcing myself to plan. if i’m just feeling like i don’t want to write, i try to use time management techniques (like pomodoro, i.e. 25 minutes of focused writing and 5 minutes of pointlessly browsing the internet to reward mysel) or, if it’s an ongoing thing, i try to leave off in a place i know i’ll want to continue the next day.

On average, how long does it take to write a fic?   all of my longer 1d fics were started/written as part of nanowrimo, which really helps move things along. for the monster fics i always seem to end up doing i’d say maybe two to three months of consistent writing. the issue, and the reason i literally post one fic a year, is that i’m not consistent, lol.

How often do you sit down to write? What does your ideal work setting look like?   if i’m in the ‘groove’, ideally i like to write every day. it just helps keep everything fresh in my memory so i know where i’m picking up, and also helps get everything done faster. the only thing i really need is complete silence/white noise. i used to be really particular about where i wrote, but i’ve learned to be more flexible as my life got busier, so now i don’t really mind - i’ve written at work, at school, at coffee shops, bus stops, in the library, all over the place. if i am at home, though, i like to have a cup of tea while i write.

Pick 3 things that are absolutely necessary to make a good story!  

characters!! nothing works for me if the characters aren’t good or, in the case of fic, if they’re ooc.

character growth/development

things like grammar, syntax, punctuation, capitalisation, paragraph breaks. i’m unfortunately a very picky reader, so what a story looks like plays a big role for me.

What do you like most about the writing process?   i really love how stories change from what you intend them to be. when i start i’ll usually have a basic outline of the plot and characters, but the story kind of takes on a life of its own and new scenes/plot points/character motivations come into my head as i’m writing and often take the story in a different direction, so i end up with something totally new! i also love the rush of excitement after i post the fic. i usually go to sleep right after so i can wake up to reactions, whatever they might be, haha.

What is your favorite genre/tag to write? in my early fanfic days i used to really enjoy writing angst, but 9 times out of 10 it doesn’t work with h/l. when i’m writing about them i just like all sorts of romance-y stuff, especially them getting together, so in terms of tags i guess i’d say friends to lovers.

What kind of scene do you find hardest to write? Easiest?   hardest is probably action/scenes where a lot of things happen in quick succession, i struggle with pacing those properly. smut is really hard, too. easiest are dialogue-heavy scenes, both friendly and romantic fond banter, and specifically lilo friendship scenes, haha.

Do you write chronologically?   yes. if there’s a scene i’m really looking forward to writing, i plot it out in detail and use it as motivation to write faster so i can get to it.

What’s one thing that not a lot of people know about you, and you feel comfortable sharing?   i feel like i put everything really personal on the internet to be honest, haha. but i feel like the most interesting thing about me is the fact that i work at an escape room, so i literally lock people in rooms and then spy on them through a camera for a living.

Are you currently working on something? Can we have a little preview?   i am! i’ve talked about this a little on my blog, it’s an au based on the movie sweet home alabama. it’s a huge mess right now, but here’s a bit i like:

“I’m not sure I believe you,” says Louis, half-grinning. “I’ve moved on, Harry, the best that I could. I’d love it if you disappeared tomorrow, sure, but you being here isn’t—I don’t know. It’s not breaking my heart in two, or whatever Liam would have you believe.”

He avoids Harry’s eyes as he says it.

“But—actually. Since you are here, I wanna show you something.”

Harry blinks at the sudden change in demeanour, and has to scramble to get up and follow Louis out of the door. He’s walking up the stairs briskly, brushing his hand over the picture frames as he goes in what looks like an unconscious habit.

Harry catches up with him on the landing upstairs. He’s standing right in front of the white door that Harry tries to pretend isn’t there, looking at it with his arms wrapped around himself.

“What…” Harry starts, looking him over. He looks small, but determined, standing firm, with his chin tipped up.

“You know what,” he says, quiet.

Harry shakes his head. He, too, hugs himself, needing something to keep him together just in case.

“You don’t have to do this,” he says.

“I want to,” Louis replies. “It’s been too long. I just—I didn’t want to get rid of it without you. That’s just stupid, isn’t it.”

“No,” Harry says immediately, reaching out to touch Louis’s shoulder before he realises who they are, where they are, and pulls back. “It’s not stupid, Louis.”

“Don’t start indulging me now,” he half-laughs, rubbing his arms like he’s cold even though it’s June. “It felt like the right thing to do, I don’t know. It’s just that—regardless of the fucked up things you did,” and Harry flinches there, can’t help himself, “this hurt you, too.”

It’s not a question, of course it’s not. They’d cried about it together, enough times for Louis to know exactly how heartbroken Harry had been.

They share a look, there in the dark corridor, that’s heavy with understanding, perhaps for the first time.

Anything you would like to say to your readers? thank you!! thank you all a million times over. i never, ever imagined my writing would get the kind of response it has gotten from everyone in this fandom. i get really overwhelmed when people say nice things and don’t always reply, but know that i see and appreciate all of it ♥  also, sorry for being shit and only posting once a year, lol.

Thank you so much, Kris! The Sweet Home Alabama fic sounds amazing! 

[t-shrt]

100 q tag

no one wud read it but ima do it anyways cos fun tag by @dubblebubble

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk? more cereal than milk cos i love tht crunchy crunch

2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day? LOVE

3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books? receipts, pen lol

4: how do you take your coffee/tea? coffee=basic latte/hot tea, no sugar

5: are you self-conscious of your smile? sometimes, not too often tho

6: do you keep plants? no but i want to but ill be terrible at it so no

7: do you name your plants?

8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings? digital art

9: do you like singing/humming to yourself? yes very it keeps me sane

10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach? side/back, back esp nowadays

11: what’s an inner joke you have with your friends? lots lol

12: what’s your favorite planet? earth? hahahah it used to be jupiter cos i loved sailor jupiter as a child

13: what’s something that made you smile today? friend + nct + fics

14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like? two separate bedrooms, a balcony, good amount of plants, separate fridge for alcohol, sizeable kitchen

15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is! it rains diamonds in jupiter and saturn $$$$

16: what’s your favorite pasta dish? bolognese hahahaha im boring

17: what color do you really want to dye your hair? i just dyed my hair a darker ash brown n i quite like it ive been light for awhile

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up. one came 2 mind cos we both recently talked ab it, a longtime close friend of mine n i used to have the biggest fight where he threw me a pair of scissors n i threw him a basketball in retaliation lmfaooo it still became a running joke more than a decade later...

19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it? not really...prolly shud

20: what’s your favorite eye color? i actually like brown hahah, maybe a slightly lighter shade of brown

21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that’s been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces. it was a gift from my parents, a simple small messenger bag with a lot of slots, brought it with me literally everywhere, during my hookups, my night outs, been stained with questionable things (its been cleaned lol!).... almost lost it in a club only to be found by a friend... it has foundation stains tho lol

22: are you a morning person? n o

23: what’s your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations? sleep, listen to music, watch stuff, not reply to messages

24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets? no

25: what’s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into? nothing rly comes to mind but im p sure ive been somewhere like tht lol

26: what are the shoes you’ve had for forever and wear with every single outfit? LOL my adidas superstars

27: what’s your favorite bubblegum flavor? ermm the red colored ones?

28: sunrise or sunset? hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm very good question

29: what’s something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing? hmm what comes to mind is the way both of us sometimes exchange goodnight msgs w nct farm emojis heheeh

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared? lol ofc....

31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks. unfortunately im rly basic on socks, u wud most likely find me wearing black ankle socks or black ballet(?) socks nothing more nothing less.......

32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends. a lot has happened usually during that time lol. duno which story to pick honestly hahahah. i think a memorable one might be when we were drinking n played games and we talked and talked and joked n nek min one by one we fell asleep in the same room hahah... im sure there are other stories tht might be more eventful but fr the life of me my memorys fuzzy rn lol

33: what’s your fave pastry? i love strawberry shortcakes! or mille crepes

34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it? i kept a LOT hahah. prolly named a few, but nothing was too special. i think it rly reflected how i managed my relationships then, n evn yrs aftwds, like i ws always lonely n my instincts were to gain quantity cos deep down i cudnt trust ppl n cudnt get too committed lololol

35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often? i wish i was cos sometimes ppl wud make pretty colorful notes, but i usually just buy ones tht i wud use cos practicality.

36: which band’s sound would fit your mood right now? mmmmm is it cheating if i say nct cos they cover a range of genres lmao. but their ballads i guess yeah.

37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean? i mean i prefer to keep it clean, but its always really messy HAHAHA ;_;

38: tell us about your pet peeves! 1. someone rude 2. someone who doesnt know how to respect others’ boundaries 3. someone self-entitled n takes themselves 2 seriously

39: what color do you wear the most? black on black on black on black baby

40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what’s it’s story? does it have any meaning to you? an evangelion ring, its the black (lilith) moon with lcl gem in it, to me i guess symbolizes my struggle with human relations, n how eva as an anime illustrated tht n the fantasy of having everyone’s consciousness merged into one--n the fact that lilith in itself (in astrology) signifies the darker side of a human being? i guess n the fact that evn if u acknowledge ur darker side u cud still use it to further urself

41: what’s the last book you remember really, really loving? hmmmm i guess last was a self help book, unfuck your boundaries, helped me support my need to strengthen my boundaries

42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it! little rogue :) its in a small alleyway, a little quaint shop, easy to miss... small potted plants, with an amaaazing matcha latte

43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with? siiigh a guy i was involved with lmfao i cut him off tho

44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything? hmmmmm good question i guess lately ive been very thankful tht i could feel comfortable taking my own time and space, n accepting the positive energy others wn give 2 me. being single really, really does help evn tho id feel lonely sometimes, bc the only weight i carry is the weight of my own soul n i wn learn how to nourish that

45: do you trust your instincts a lot? very i think

46: tell us the worst pun you can think of. i have a lot HAHAHA if u were a friend of mine ud prolly get tired of them. a genuinely bad one wud be haha youre so punny lmfao

47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe? nothing rly lmao if theyre healthy n someone derives happiness frm it i wudnt want it to be banned

48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today? probably not lol, i mean i think i retained similar fears since i ws a kid but now obviously my biggest fear(s) would be more...specific to me

49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought? its the digital age baby spotify ftw (in all srsness i wish i collected vinyls tho hh)

50: what’s an odd thing you collect? i used to collect ramune bottles lmaoooo

51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them? hmmmm nah lets not do this right now lol

52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far? LOL too many but i love shitpost quality memes tbh

53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them? pulp fiction. i actually loved it, i think i still do, its entertainment value is kickass, havent taken the time to dissect it in any other way

54: who’s the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face? oh man i think it ws the dude i ws seeing lmao fk him

55: what’s the most dramatic thing you’ve ever done to prove a point? a lot, n most of them im not proud of, cos some involves self harm

56: what are some things you find endearing in people? kindness n genuineness, someone’s courage in being vulnerable

57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics? dont feel like it rn but everytime i do 10/10 will dramatically reenact the lyrics right to the guitar riffs

58: who’s the wine mom and who’s the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why? im definitely the wine (aunt) lmfaooo im already one tbh 

59: what’s your favorite myth? Eros + Psyche, Icarus and the sun

60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves? i love poetry hahah...cant think of any rn

61: what’s the stupidest gift you’ve ever given? the stupidest one you’ve ever received? id love any gift given 2 me as long as they wont harm me or anything lmao n i dont think ive evr given anything too stupid. well.. idk if this is stupid tho like i sent flowers thanking my ex for ‘helping me live’ well aft we’ve blocked each other off cos the end to the relo was js daaamn toxic lmao

62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind? nope

63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be? music i do spotify n im pretty particular ab organizing my playlists i guess. my books im alright with as long as theyre just stacked properly no problem

64: what color is the sky where you are right now? prolly rly dark blue cos its 12 am

65: is there anyone you haven’t seen in a long time who you’d love to hang out with? a lot tbh cos ive rly been focusing on stuff internally

66: what would your ideal flower crown look like? daisies, sunflowers, n baby breath here n there

67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel? somber i guess maybe a tad bit nostalgic?

68: what’s winter like where you live? heeella cold not cos of the temperature itself but the winds thooo, if it drizzles evn in the slightest it feels like needles piercing through ur bones literally

69: what are your favorite board games? i like the game of life, ummm cards against humanity?

70: have you ever used a ouija board? no n never will lol

71: what’s your favorite kind of tea? the fruity kinds

72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you’ll forget it? yea def lol

73: what are some of your worst habits? disappearing from people when i feel strong emotions

74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns. they’re small but they’re so full of love, full of life, full of strength, and full of care for others, they’re the type of person who will seek their goals till the end despite obstacles and still be able to not lose their warm heart on the way. they put so much thought and care to every aspect of their life even when in the past they have been handed some bad things, and i adore them for that.

75: tell us about your pets! none :( wish i have a cat though

76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren’t? hahahhaah

77: pink or yellow lemonade? pink!

78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub? neither sometimes i think theyre weird sometimes cute sometimes weirdly cute lmao

79: what’s one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you? write up 24 things they love about me to stop me from hating myself

80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why? white. no but if i had to id say white anyways lol cos its a blank canvas

81: describe one of your friend’s eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of. i dunno uhhhh her rounded eyes which seemed to at first glance, harbor plenty of wonder seemed to be weighted by many untold secrets, the traces of which could be found when she erupts into laughter where the wonder would manifest itself in the form of small stars in the dark of her eyes.

82: are/were you good in school? meh. i try

83: what’s some of your favorite album art? weirdly i like cigarette after sex’s one cos its so simple yet telling

84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones? planning on getting an evangelion one, another heart one, a sunflower one, and prolly a ghibli related one

85: do you read comics? what are your faves? manga? naruto 4evr LOL

86: do you like concept albums? which ones? hmmm thinkin of dpr live’s IAOT

87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives? lord of the rings, harry potter, one of ghibli movies lol

88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy? i think impressionism is very cool evn tho i dont do it myself

89: are you close to your parents? eeeeee

90: talk about your one of you favorite cities. Melbourne is a wonderful city where many things could coexist in one--happiness and sadness, camaraderie and loneliness, hot and cold, quiet and full of life, productive and relaxed, bursting with unfocused energy yet incredibly organized, and for many reasons it’s become one of my favorite cities, and definitely my favorite to live in.

91: where do you plan on traveling this year? no plans tbh lol maybe home?.......japan? heheheh nahhh

92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch? it depends lol mostly i guess drowns my pasta in cheese

93: what’s the hairstyle you wear the most? i always wear it down, either straight or wavy

94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday? a friend of mine

95: what are your plans for this weekend? stay in most likely, do stuff

96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot? 100% procrastinate lmaoooo

97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house? ISTG, jkjk INFP, leo sun aquarius moon cancer rising, ravenclaw

98: when’s the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it? im alws meh ab hiking tbh lmao 

99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them. Long Slow Distance - NCT 127, Four - Sleeping At Last, idontwannabeyouanymore - Billie Eilish, Stop This Train - John Mayer, Digital Lover - Crush

100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why? 5 years into the past so she’d stop focusing her life around anybody else but herself

[flyswhumpcenter]

Spilled Coffee [Whumptober 2019 - Day 10: Unconscious]

Summary: Anzu's evening gets turned upside down when someone familiar passes out right in front of her.

Fandom: Ensemble Stars (coffeeshop/college AU) Relationships: platonic Anzu & Mao friendship, implied pre-rel Anzu/Hokuto

Wordcount: 1,374 words

Content Warnings: None.

Notes: Finally catching up on my lateness with an Enstars fic! It's a missing scene from my only other Enstars fic at the moment, Nurse Café. It's a Hokuto-centric HokuAn sickfic in case you've *somehow* not heard of it while lurking around their tag lol (and it's like 4-chapter-long, albeit said chapters are short). I'm afraid I did write this story with the idea that the reader would have read Nurse Café first, or at least its first chapter, as it provides the context and implied conversations taking place here between Anzu and Hokuto. Anyway. I'm not sure of how much I've actually filled the "Unconscious" prompt, but do I ever properly fulfill a prompt, especially for challenges like this? Technically someone's unconscious here, so that has to make up for it, right? Riiiight? Also how do you write Mao? I feel like I've gotten him very, very wrong in this story lol. It's my first time actually writing him, though, so there's that I guess. woops.

Event hosted by @whumptober2019

AO3 version available here.

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It had been a normal evening shift at the coffeeshop. The regulars had bought their usual drink, some new faces discovered the shop, some people changed from their habits, others continued discovering the other drinks they had never dipped a tongue into. Things were calm, almost soothingly so, making for a comfortable after-class shift where she had managed to squeeze in some college work too. Reading a book between clients was a way to both earn some precious money and advance in her school business.

Alas, Anzu hadn’t gotten to closing the shop yet when things drastically changed.

 The atmosphere until then had been of a cosy coffeeshop right before closure. The radio played softly the latest hit songs in the background, all chairs were empty and having been cleaned, her workmate had left already because his shift was ending before hers. Anzu had always appreciated this specific mood the shop could slip into once the sun was setting down, cleaning her counter before closing for the night. She had ten minutes left before shutting the lights off, a time that seemed very short compared to the rest of the day…

…and yet that had left the time for an unusual client to come in.

 The bells ringing surprised her out of her cleaning affairs, making her rise her head to the doorway, only for her to notice the client was already right in front of her face. Her eyes then directly met with a long-time friend, perhaps someone that was just a bit more than that: second-year literature major Hokuto, whom she could swear she had never seen even looking through her shop’s windows. It was odd for someone like him, who usually prided himself in his stricter living style compared to their friend group (Subaru being his favourite person to tease), taught to him by his grandmother, to step into her shop at such an hour of the night, at almost eleven o’clock.

The state his face was in didn’t ring any better bell. She had almost not been able to recognize him: a low and raspy voice, fluttering eyelids, glassy eyes with deep dark bags under them, swaying on his feet and words half-making sense. Clearly, this man needs a good night of sleep; and yet he orders an espresso of all things. If not having seem him for almost two weeks wasn’t rising enough red flags, then seeing him this obviously sleep-deprived could only have made her worry even further.

 Still, here, Anzu wasn’t Hokuto’s friend: she was an employee, a seller, a barista. She served him his cup, let him sit wherever he wanted, got his money. The full price wasn’t there: in fact, there was a chunk of the cost that he’d have usually noticed was missing. Still, she decided to brush it aside: it was the end of the day and some leftover coffee, it wasn’t a big deal, she’d pay the rest herself with some tip money. She could at least do that for him.

As she finished cleaning the counter, she noticed eleven was very near. Closing hour was coming next and she absolutely had to lock the door, prompting her to walk up to and inform him of the situation. He barely lifted his head from the hand barely holding it up. Concern and curiosity mixed together and, unable to help herself, Anzu put a careful hand on his forehead. He didn’t flinch, nearly didn’t blink, almost relishing in her palm; it felt like putting her hand on a stove that hadn’t fully gone cold yet.

She didn’t like it in the slightest.

 What followed was a confusing mess. As if he had regained back the energy he missed, Hokuto jerked away and gulped his cup in a couple swallows, most likely parching his throat in burning coffee, before trying to get up, giving her nonsensical mumbles. Despite the signs she had noticed that kept piling up, she got astonished to see his body pitch forward, his eyes rolling in the back of his skull, without a word more comprehensible than a grunt. Her arms almost failed catching him in his fall, nearly sending him crashing onto the floor; instead, she managed to put him softly to the ground, using her lap as a pillow for his head before she had taken off her apron to do so.

Okay, now that she had an unconscious friend and a shop to close on her hands, what was she supposed to do? She couldn’t leave either of them like that, so she ran to get her phone from her purse, until she spotted something, or rather someone, interesting in the corner of her eye through the main window: Mao, a common friend of them. Anzu immediately began waving her arms in his direction, trying to get his attention.

 To her relief, her friend immediately got the signal, running to her shop with a smile until it disappeared from his face as soon as he realized what was happening.

“W-wait…” He told her, face twisting in disbelief. “Is that really…?”

“Yeah…” She quickly replied before kneeling back.

“Quick question: how did you end up with a knocked-out Hokuto in your shop?”

“I… don’t really know. He stumbled here and ordered an espresso, but when I went to tell him I needed to close the shop, he got to his feet and fainted right here and there. All I know is that he looks severely sleep-deprived and that he’s running hot.”

Mao peered from above, crouching next to her, putting his own hand to make sure.

“Ah, yeah, I confirm, he’s burning up,” he shook his hand almost as soon as he had put it on their friend’s forehead. “He’s wasted for sure. How the hell did that even happen… I wouldn’t be surprised if that was me, but Hokuto? That’s a whole other puzzle!”

 Anzu didn’t take her eyes off the unconscious boy in front of her, instead mechanically brushing his bangs from his forehead. Her fingers were wet from the gesture, but her brain was blanking out from how weird the situation was and how worried she was getting.

“Should we call an ambulance?” She eventually mused out loud.

“Honestly? I’d have if it wasn’t Hokuto we’re talking about. If we do, his parents will know about it, and his grandma too, and he’ll scold us for having indirectly told his parents…” A nervous giggle. “What I’m trying to say is that, if you ask me, Hokuto is the kind of person who doesn’t like suddenly waking up in the hospital with four people looking over him.”

She hummed as a reply.

“Still, I wouldn’t let him alone in his place either. If he’s passed out right here and there, he probably can’t even stand properly, so taking care of himself is out of the question until he’s slept for something like three days. How the hell did that happen…”

“Then, let’s bring him to my place.”

 Mao froze for a solid thirty seconds.

“…huh?”

“Don’t you usually bring Ritsu to your place whenever he falls asleep in public?”

“I do, but we’re childhood friends, that’s not the same thing!” His face suddenly brightened up. “Heh, if you see it that way, I suppose it’s not too bad. I’d even say Hokuto would like waking up at your place!”

“What do you mean by that?” Her face felt a bit warmer, weird.

“Ah, nothing,” his smile was kind of going against that statement. “Let’s bring this guy to your flat then. Help me get him on my back so you can close the shop.”

“Got it,” she said as she rose to her feet, doing as she was tasked to do, and recovering both her apron and the keys inside its pocket.

 A couple minutes later, Anzu had left the shop in its optimal closing state: all clean, lights switched off, door locked behind her. Once that was said and done, glancing at both of her friends, she let out a sigh of relief.

“Thank you, Mao.”

“You’re welcome! Now, that was nothing, let’s get him home, shall we?”

Glancing one last time at the unconscious Hokuto propped on Mao’s back, she nodded.

“Yeah, let’s go.”