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writefinch · 1 year

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Communion

(cn: piss, foot stuff)

It clicked for me about a month ago, years after it had become apparent to the people who knew me, but I'm not short-sighted and self-pitying enough to think that meant I'd wasted time or could've made the leap sooner. If I was less kind to myself I'd say 'boy, I had the maps and I knew the landmarks so how'd I end up in the wilderness so long' but I was sailing through fog, and you know what? When I saw that landmass looming in the distance, I sailed towards it.

I didn't know totally what it meant, still don't in fact. Last year I joked about being a cis boy dyke, and since then I've struck the 'cis' and I'm shaky on the 'boy' and the part that was a joke was the truest thing of all. Am I a boy? Maybe. A woman? I don't think so. A man? I truly fucking hope not. A good girl? Put a collar on me and we'll see.

The thing about fog is that you can't just step back and get a big picture view of everything. My instincts tell me that if I want to figure things out I should look at them at a remove, see where it fits into everything around it, map things out and move forward cautiously. That's what I want to do, it's what I've always done, but fog makes it impossible. You have to get in close if you want to see things, you can't keep it at a distance.

I couldn't move ahead and start hormones right away, not for a few months, for reasons I won't get into here. Delays don't sit well with me brain because I know my brain and I don't trust it, I don't trust it not to treat this like some other big rewarding involving project like learning Polish or playing Go, decide we're too busy and it's too scary and shove the whole thing into a mental oubliette to never see the light of day again. Sure, my friends call me Charlotte now and I've got she/her next to my Discord username, but I wanted something stronger, I wanted something that would cut into me.

I can't remember the name of the first trans woman I knew as a person, rather than as a punchline to a cruel joke. It was on Tumblr and it must have been after 2015 because I remember she had an Undyne avatar, but maybe not, because surely Violet, the "boy" I'd been practically engaged to, had come out as trans at that point? Surely I knew Skeeter, that poor, vicious mess of a girl well enough by then? It must have been earlier than that, the ponies had turned me queer by 2013 at the latest.

No, no, the Undyne-avatar lady was the first time I saw someone I knew be openly *Marxist-Leninist*, she was just also trans.

Anyway I don't know what it was, but even though I was rock-solid confident in being cis and a guy (a guy or a dude, it never bought me any joy to think of myself as a 'man'), something about trans women just really stuck with me. I found their stories compelling, I found their experiences interesting and oddly relatable, though I didn't suffer dysphoria as I thought they described it. I made friends with some trans girls, some of my friends became trans girls, and suddenly most of my friends were trans girls. I burned at injustices done to them, I bought hormones for friends, donated to trans street medic projects, helped newly-cracked eggs get in touch with DIY medding sources, y'know, normal cis ally stuff.

Recently, I realized that I loved trans women. I fucking love them so much. I fucking love all of the varied and fractious transfemme communities that have allowed me to be a part of them, as nothing more than a cis guy who draws a lot of porn. I'm not going to say anything about Blahaj and Bridget and pink coding socks because I know the girl who fucking hates that silly terminally-online stereotype and I know the girl who *is* that silly terminally online stereotype and I love them both and love so many trans girls in all their aspects between and beyond those boundaries. I have never found myself so close to any group of people, so filled with admiration and wonder and love and lust for them, so overjoyed by their trust and friendship and confidence in me, so blessed to call myself a friend and contemporary, as I have of the trans women in my life.

I had accepted some time ago, with no pain and more than a little pride, that I would admire them but be apart from them, that my place would be as a welcome guest, that I would be among them but not one of them, and--

A crack has opened within me to let the light seep in.

I'm one of them. I really am one of them, they're mine and I am theirs and I never want to let this go, this revelation is a gift that I'm barely beginning to comprehend and I can't bear the thought that I might let it pass me by and slouch back into darkness.

So, I would bring a change upon myself, in a way that was small but could not be un-changed, a vow that could not be forgotten, only consciously recanted.

I cut out a lot of the idea before I brought it up, mostly out of time and expedience. I thought of a prayer to Inanna, but that felt like a clumsy thing to rush, and I decided I'd make a shrine to her only once I had the wisdom to pay Her proper respects. I liked the idea of getting caned or whipped in a purifying way first, but that felt too much like regular kink, just inspiration for another drawing. The idea of doing the ritual under psychedelics intrigued me but, well, I've never done anything but amphetamines and poppers before, and I didn't want to dull the experience of either the ritual or the drugs by combining the two under my own inexperience - though, I did include poppers.

Alice, Emily and Lily - not their real names but you get the picture - were very good about it. They told me it was a cute idea, and we met up at Emily's ground-floor studio flat on Sunday night. We'd have been playing board games anyway, and they even seemed a little excited by the idea, even if they weren't buzzing from anticipation like me.

I'd only worn the clothes once since I'd bought them - black tights, a knee-length straight skirt, a black blouse - but my heart didn't pound like that the first time I put them on. I shaved my face upwards and against the grain, my skin still annoyingly stubble-grey, but that would show much less in the candlelight.

When I stepped out of Emily's bathroom the girls had already set things up, candles and all. They were sitting on chairs in a semi-circle, backlit by flickering orange candlelight. As I approached they got stage giggles; I did too, it felt infectious.

Once the giggles had cleared, Alice, in the middle, asked me to state my name and purpose.

'My name is Sophie, and I am here to recieve communion.'

'Very well,' said Alice, and pointed to a spot between their chairs marked in white tape. I knelt there, a bowl of water to one side and a small bag at the other.

I turned to Lily, bowed my head, and asked her if I could wash her feet. She nodded, and I took the bowl and wash cloth and gently cleaned her feet with warm water. Once they were clean and free of sweat and sock lint, I bent down to dry them with my hair. She nodded her approval, and I asked Emily if I could do the same for her. Likewise I cleaned her feet and likewise dried them with my hair. Alice did not get her feet out, for me nor anyone, and instead allowed me to lick her shiny black boots, which only had the faintest hint of grit to them.

Once I had performed the ablutions, the girls daubed me. Alice held my jaw firm in one hand as she applied mascara to each of my lashes with the other, Emily let me rest my chin on her fingertip as she painted my lips a vibrant red, and Lily stroked my hair as she marked my cheeks with blush. They cooed and called me pretty, and Lily's blush felt superfluous.

I presented each of them with a gift: An Adventure Time tarot deck for Lily, a sharpening stone for Emily, a guide to mushrooms for Alice. They accepted the gifts, and gave me gifts in return: a simple black choker from Lily, a bottle of amyl nitrite from Emily, a stack of trans zines from Alice. My voice cracked a little as I thanked them, and cracked a little more after they watched me take a few long, heady hits from the poppers bottle.

Alice asked me if I was ready to recieve communion; I begged her, please, yes.

She took a blister pack of 2mg estradiol and popped out a single blue pill. I knelt and looked up at her, eyes open, heart thumping, mouth wide.

She placed the tiny pill on my tongue and said, 'Sophie, this bread is your flesh, which is given to you.'

Then, she stood up, unzipped her jeans, pulled her limp cock out of her underwear and pushed it between my lips, which I wrapped tight around it.

'Sophie, this wine is your blood, drink this in rememberance of yourself.'

It took her a moment to start pissing, and her urine immediately washed the pill down my throat. It tasted fucking disgusting, almost as salty as seawater with that weird, almost chemical aftertaste. It turned my stomach, and I felt euphoric as I sucked it down.

After that they praised me and called me a girl and a faggot and a whore, and I kept sucking Alice's cock until Emily wanted a blowjob too, and from there it turned into regular lesbian sex, Lily's chastity cage clinking fruitlessly against mine as Emily went around biting us both and Alice had me lick her armpit clean of sweat, fingering and kissing and pinching until we all got tired enough to start watching movies in Emily's bed.

I got up and fetched drinks and sandwiches for everyone and something happened between aftercare, the aftermath of a religious service, and an after-action report. They all kept calling me a pretty girl, which I *really* liked, and Alice asked me how the whole thing had turned out, if I felt anything had changed, and I had to eat two salami and cucumber sandwiches before I could figure out my answer.

Something had changed, but the change had happened months ago, and it had taken communion for me to see it. It didn't clear up my questions or reveal hidden knowledge, I don't know if I'm a she/her boy or a he/him girl, I don't know if I'm actually a woman or just not at all a man, I don't know if this is a thing I've become or if I've been this all along and it's taken this long to discover it. I don't even know if I've really settled on Sophie.

All I got from communion, from this sacred connection of love and knowledge from other trans girls to me, was surety in the things I already kinda knew:

I'm transgender as fuck and I'm a big fucking dyke.

#stories

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jamiedc-they-them · 11 months

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Family, no matter where what

Summary: Gwen has a sibling with the same powers. With a strong bond, you both find out about the multiverse, and it may just be the thing that breaks you.

Spoilers for both films!

Gwen's father finds you just near the end of his shift, someone had called in hearing some bangs coming from an alleyway.

All he finds instead, is a kid. Alone, scared, maybe amnesia. A single band on their wrist.

"Hey, kid. Hey, hey," he says, hands raised as you back away from him. He sees how you then look around, as if sensing something else. He just takes it as you being scared and adjusting as best you can to this new situation.

"It's ok, it's ok," he assures you. You approach him a bit, seemingly trusting him a but more now that he respected your space, "do you have anywhere to go?" You shake your head, "any parents?" Again, a head shake, "a name?" You think, then, seemingly frustrated with yourself, you shake your head 'no' for a third time.

He can't just leave you here, and god knows he knows how cruel orphanage places CAN be sometimes, so he takes you home.

Gwen comes to greet him, but she seems to know something is wrong on instinct, "who's this, dad?" She asks, looking at you with soft eyes, and not mistrust.

"Gwen…" he says, stepping aside to let her see you, "this, uh, well they don't really have a name," he says, scratching his neck.

"Oh," she says, scratching her neck as well, looking at you with sympathy. You smile a bit, before your eyes go back to the floor again.

"Would you be able to, I don't know, help them set up a bit, please?"

"Of course," she says, instantly going back to being more preppy, "come on, kid!" She holds out a hand for you, and waits until you're ready. You then take it, and she takes you to her room. You take it all in.

You point to her trans flag and look to her, head tilting a bit, "oh, that. Yeah, still people out there who think people who are different is wrong. I don't think so. I think being different makes you cool; unique." Her outlook on things makes you smile. You're technically different. You nod. She nods too with a smile, glad to have helped you feel at ease.

A siren goes off, you both look to the window. She looks back to you, and sees waves above your head. They just stand out to her.

"Oh, my god…" She says softly. You jolt at the police radio, and in an instinct your hand is held put.

Web comes out.

"You're like me," She says, finishing her now confirmed thoughts.

You look at her in fear, as if you've done something wrong.

"No, no, no," she says quickly, waving her hands in front of her, "It's ok. It's ok, I promise!" She assures you.

She puts her finger to her lips, and gestures for you to follow her. You do, and she unlocks her drum. In it, is an outfit.

She then holds her hand out in a position similarly to yours, and Web comes out.

You look to her with wide eyes. She chuckles, but it has a hint of relief to it, "you'll be ok, kid, " she assures, "I'll help you."

She does. She's patient with you. Kind. Loyal. At school and with this whole thing. She tells you about the gifts you have. Helps you control them, but makes you promise not to tell Captain Stacey. You swear.

He, meanwhile, sees how you both are with each other. You bring out a warmer side to her; she brings out your more curious and open side.

On the year anniversary of you being found, they adopt you.

Gwen had always been jealous of people having siblings, and now that wish has been granted.

You make a good team - she helps you with a suit. You can read each other like a book.

She tries to help you with your band, as it seems to adapt to the growth of body mass and age, but neither of you find anything other than it just seemingly a normal band.

Then you meet Miles and a group of other Spiderlike people. Peter assures you that while having two Spiderpeople in one universe is rare, he is sure that there must be others where that is true.

It's fun, and nice, to have other people to trust as well. People who understand.

It helps you both forget about your best friend dying. Miles becomes that to you both. You haven't healed, but you're trying to now.

But then it's over, and you're both together, but also alone, again.

Stoll though, you have each other, that's something.

But then your father finds out, and you both unmask in front of him. And, as much as he doesn't want to, he attempts to arrest you both. Gwen begs for him not to do it, but puts herself in front of you just in case it goes sideways.

The other two spider people you met when subduing Vulture appear, saving you. They both give you a chance. A second chance to be understood, to be with people like you.

You both look at each other, and nod. You take the trip to the hub of other spider people.

Miguel is distant to you moreso than Gwen, but you just put that up to how you've always been. You have always been one who could easily slip into the shadows; that, and you didn't talk much. But, still, you don't let it get to you, as you're among an almost Spider-family.

Gwen had never seen you be so happy, making new friends. She's happy for you. And you both adapt to this way of living while on missions.

Gwen offers to ask Miguel about your band, and does so when you're away on a mission. When you return, she hugs you, glad you're safe, but gives you the bad news of there being nothing new to learn. Just a regular old band.

You are saddened, but accept the news. Your hand goes over the band, and a sort of light seems to come from it; but when you remove your hand, it's like it never happened. You just put it up to lighting or something from this place.

You both go and visit Miles, and you love being with your best friend again. Don't get yourself wrong, the Spidercrew are great, but the three of you made a good trio. You were helping each other grow and heal.

That, and you made him feel less alone with the secret of being Spiderman.

The two of you are told to leave him, to never return, because of the damage the Anomaly has done. It hurts you, but your sense goes off for some reason. You look to Gwen, herself isn't going off, just yours.

"Y/N," she says to you, "I'll meet you there, ok?" You find it odd of her asking you to go first, but she just gives you one of her 'trust me' smiles. You give her a small one back, give seemingly one more goodbye to your best friend, before going through the portal.

Miles, however, hears the rest of the conversation. It's one of the reasons why he goes through.

During the chase, when Gwen falls due to being distracted, Miles tells you to stay on The Spot's trail. Despite the annoyance at not being able to help Gwen, you trust Miles, and so listen to him.

Your friend Hobie, respects your lack of talking. Tells you it's good as it's what makes you with everything going on, but also that actions always speak louder than words.

Gwen had told you about cannon events, how there was order to things. Things had to go a certain way, and your job was to keep it all in order. But you do respect Miles trying to save Pavitr the pain of loss.

Miles succeeds, but you then see the damage it causes.

Hobie says your name, seemingly spotting (ha) something you don't. But you hear Gwen reprimand him, saying that's a subject for 'later'.

You pretend you don't hear it; pretend their words got lost over the noise of everything.

The rest of the Spidercrew, and this is the first proper time Miguel spoke to you; other than telling you about a mission or during a debrief, or ordering you to get patched up. You've never seen him this angry.

He looks at you with so much anger, "and you," he seethe, even pushing you a bit, "why didn't you stop him?"

"Miguel, enough," Gwen argues. Her defensive side coming out to play.

He just dismisses her, face inches from yours. But, you do hold his gaze, "you gonna give me an answer?"

"Miguel, mate," Hobie tries.

"Enough out of you," he snaps, eyes still on you.

"My job. Saving people," you say, knocking your head against his. Hobie whistles in respect.

Peter tries to intervene again, but is met by silence.

Finally, Miguel pulls back. Gwen approaches you, putting a hand on your shoulder. She squeezes it.

Miguel then shows the massive webs of the Spiderverse (you agree with Miles' name for it. Goes with the theme you all play by after all).

You had never actually seen it before, and look around it in awe. You see Gwen and yours timelines.

Scratch that, you realise. Gwen's. You're not there.

You look at her, she looks away.

"Where's mine? Where am I in this?" You ask her in a quiet voice.

She doesn't answer.

"Here," Miguel says, voice cold, but not as angry this time. There's almost, ALMOST, a sense of sadness to it? You aren't sure.

He puts a hand on your back, turning you to a strand high above. He holds out his hand, and it comes down.

"Go ahead, kid," he says, not unkindly, "take a look."

You hold out your hand that has the bracelet on it. Those lights come back again, but you see them this time. The image of the innocent bracelet flickers away for a moment, and there, on your arm, is the bracelet that Gwen wears. Or, a version of it, at least.

Your eyes are wide, heart thumping on your chest. You always wondered why you didn't need one, people had plenty of theories to put you at ease, even your friends.

You then look to the circle, an unknown Spiderperson is there, holding someone.

You.

"Who - who are they?"

"A rogue. Went back and changed events." Miguel says, simply, before turning back to Miles and his protests about this fate thing.

He's locked down, you aren't. You look to Gwen, who looks down. You look to Hobie, he looks at eyes with a mix of things (guilt, relief, anger, sadness) but then subtly moves his head to the exit. He then nods to Miles. You know what he's saying.

So, as soon as Miles realises what he's done, break out, you both do what Hobie suggested. You run.

You both seem to know which way to go to split up the seemingly endless Spiderpeople chasing you. Despite Gwen going for Miles, she sees you leading your own pack too. She's scared for both of you, but the mission. Part of her says fuck the mission; but another part says to see it through, it will all work out in the long run.

It won't. She knows that. She knows it'll only hurt you both.

You and Miles are both saved by Peter, who tries to get you both to understand. You thought you'd found another father figure, one who understands all this. He's genuine with his words, but you dont know who to trust anymore.

"Y/N…" Miles stops himself, unsure of what to actually say to you.

"Your dad," is all you say to him, "we can save him. We just need to get you to the machine."

Miles nods, glad you're on his side, but he clocks how you don't say 'we'.

"What about you?"

"I will distract them."

"That's suicide!"/"Kid, no!" Are the protests from the pair.

No time to argue, the other spiders are here. Peter swears he didn't bring you both here to trap you. Part of you believes him.

"Too late," you say to your friend, before you both plummet through the inner workings of this place.

You both make it to the train, making sure Miles is ahead of you. A Web then catches your foot, and Miguel leaps, slamming you into the train, spit flying from his mouth as he tells you, "I'll deal with you, later!" As he then goes after Miles.

"Y/N!" Gwen shouts. You find some strength in you, continuing to crawl towards Miguel and Miles, "Y/N, stop! Please!" You can hear your sister friend Spiderperson call out to you.

You ignore her, and instead keep going towards the one person you can trust. He gets himself out of his rut, but as he swings away, he first a Web to you. You grab on, and follow him.

You get to the machine. You place some, what toMiles looks like, mines.

"What are those?" He asks, getting the number he needs to go back home.

You hit a button, and it fires out a bunch of webs, creating a shield.

Miles leaps into the machine. It starts up. You hear tearing at the Web, it's Miguel. You put more and more down. He keeps tearing through them.

"Anomalies working together! Of course!" He shouts, tearing through and more of your barriers.

Miles disappears. Then you set yourself up, and leap into it. You feel a hand grab your leg and a yell of 'no!' Before you hit the floor.

"I'm sorry, kid," Miguel says, before holding up his hand. You close your eyes, but if never comes. Opening your eyes, you see his hand being held back. Then another Web on his other hand. It gives you what you need, and you get into the machine.

Looking back at them, you see it's Gwen who did it. She gives a nod. You don't give one back.

Time to get some answers from your home.

Gwen knows you'll write your own story with the answers you find. But, she's been writing hers all along, she realises. You dropped into her universe, and gave her a friend. Gave her a sibling. Gave her someone who understands. Someone who fought by her side. Someone to always have her back.

She didn't always have yours, but she'll do so, starting from now. From this. By letting you go, and trusting you'll be ok.

Sure, she's thrown back to her world. But, it allows her and her dad to talk. It gives her the resolve she needs. She'll save Miles with your Spiderfamily, then she'll find you.

She promises. Swears on her life.

This is one she's not breaking.

#across the spiderverse imagine #atsv imagines #astv x reader #spider gwen imagine #spider gwen x reader #x sibling!reader #platonic imagine

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molsno · 8 months

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this is kind of random but do you ever feel like people treat transmisogyny as a lesbian-specific problem, and if so, does it bother you as a trans lesbian? i don’t really mean general criticisms of transmisogyny within lesbian spaces, but rather people who seem to talk about transmisogyny like lesbians *specifically* perpetrate it the most, or are more capable of perpetrating it than anyone. i feel like this has become a popular trend in queer discourse (usually from tme non-lesbian ppl) to demonize or ‘other’ lesbians, & i think it extends from contempt toward “man-hating lesbians” but lumping trans girls under “men” to legitimize it, but i don’t know if i just notice it more because i’m tme, and i don’t want to overstep or make anyone feel like I’m discouraging discussions of transmisogyny by saying this isn’t a lesbian-exclusive issue. i know the ‘political lesbian’ movement was predominantly driven by straight cis women (and a smaller but non-zero number of cis bi and lesbian women) who laid a lot of groundwork for associating bioessentialism with lesbianism but is it unfair to say “lesbians aren’t an essentialist hate group and shouldn’t be generalized/singled out”? like is this a trend you’ve noticed as a tma lesbian, or am i looking at this through a misguided lens? sorry for rambling on, feel free to ignore and i hope your night/day is going well <3

I think that definitely happens to an extent, but that's mostly because tme non-lesbians believe in lesbophobic stereotypes that lesbians are more likely to be terfs and that most terfs are lesbians. it definitely bothers me as a lesbian, because not even being trans exempts me from these stereotypes. I've literally had one of my former best friends tell me they didn't trust lesbians, including me, because terfs invalidated their gender as a nonbinary person. like. it's vile.

so yeah, I think it's fair to ask people not to generalize about lesbians, but at the same time, I've also seen firsthand, many times, that transmisogyny is still prevalent among tme lesbians. the critiques tme non-lesbians make are mostly just blatant lesbophobia (and transmisogyny by assuming lesbians are talking about trans women when they say men), but over time I've become increasingly disillusioned by tme lesbians after seeing just how willing they are to throw tma lesbians under the bus. as just one example, a few months ago, there was this bi lesbian blocklist that was going around on here, and regardless of your feelings on that particular topic, the fact of the matter is that almost every single person on that list was transfem. trans women who have never identified as bi lesbians or even said anything publicly about bi lesbians (including several of my close friends) wound up on that list for seemingly no reason, and found themselves blocked by most of the tme lesbians on this website. you would think that people who put "tme" in their bios and reblog posts about transmisogyny would at least make an effort to stop and think about the implications of this, but it turns out that a sizable number of tme lesbians will exile a bunch of trans women from their community based on blind accusations of them being predatory men invading the lesbian community without a second thought.

that being said, the behaviors I just described aren't really unique to tme lesbians either. tme people of all genders and orientations have been doing the exact same things for decades. so what I'm saying is, although I don't think it's fair to generalize or single out lesbians as being particularly transmisogynistic, that doesn't mean tme lesbians should be pretending that they're incapable of transmisogyny and insisting they don't need to hold each other accountable for perpetrating it.

#ask #acelez #transmisogyny

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ramshacklefey · 1 year

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When you want to dispel disinformation, focus on positives and shared values.

Part of the training for my new job (teaching sex ed to middle and high school students) included a short class on how to deal with disinformation. The class was taught by a woman who has spent her entire career doing PR work for political campaigns at high levels of government, and one of the things she had to say really stuck with me, because it's relevant to so many parts of my life:

If you're trying to correct a narrative or fight disinformation, you have to focus on positive information and the values you share with other people.

Why is this so important? Well, it turns out that human brains do a funny thing when you present them with a negative statement: they remember all the words except the "not." This means that if you show up and tell someone, "Trans women are not predators," the things their brain is going to hang onto from that is the association between the words "trans woman" and "predators." The "not" just gets tossed out. If you say, "Sex ed is not grooming," the association between "sex ed" and "grooming" sticks in their brain. The "not" goes away.

The same thing goes for any other disinformation you're trying to combat. You can write an entire essay telling someone why such-and-such is false, but what they're going to come away remembering is all the claims you told them were false, rather than the fact that they're false.

So, what to do instead?

Focus on presenting the right information. "Sex ed helps kids stay safe and gives them the language they need to communicate to trusted adults if something bad is happening," is an effective statement. It gives a person's brain a positive association to put with the concept "sex ed."

Look for opportunities for "Yes, and-" statements. Chances are, there are fundamental values that you and others agree on. You can build from these fundamental values! If someone says they want to protect children, you can say, "Yes, me too! And that's why I want them to have access to accurate information."

Related to this: telling people that they are being disingenuous about their values is never going to help. You may be able to see clearly that there's a contradiction between the values someone expresses and the policies they advocate for or the actions they take. But their beliefs are probably in earnest. By focusing on "Yes, and-" statements, you show them that you agree with their fundamental beliefs. You've just got a different way of acting on them. They may not immediately change their mind, but it opens the door for them to see another way of acting on their convictions.

Remember that most people who believe disinformation campaigns are being misled by a vicious minority with a specific agenda. There are a small number of conservative groups who are desperately trying to hang on to power. Most people disagree with them, but these groups are working hard to make it seem like that's not the case. By dispersing fear and disinformation widely, they create an atmosphere in which their accusations and lies seem to be coming from everywhere.

Spread the truth about what most people believe. 98% of Americans are in favor of sex ed being taught in schools. The majority of Americans support abortion rights, queer rights, etc. Spreading these facts helps make it more obvious that disinformation is coming from a small, but vocal, number of voices, and there isn't a mass consensus about it. Realizing where these lies are coming from helps people start questioning the motives of those who are spreading it.

If you find good infographics about these topics, ones that follow the suggestions above, save them! When you see disinformation being spread on social media, rather than needing to type out an entire reply, just post the infographic. People are more likely to see it and retain that information than they are to read a long essay anyway.

Post and share positive information. People need to see positive information being shared actively! You don't even need to connect that information to the lies you've seen. Just say the truth.

I hope that this helps any of you who are out there struggling with how to handle all of this shit going on. I love you all.

#as a side note this goes for self-talk too #your brain will latch on to good things you say about yourself better than it will to *negations* of bad things #sex ed #disinformation

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secretgamergirl · 8 months

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That thing where bigots accuse trans people of things and then when pressed for examples name people who aren't trans.

The other day I had some random youtube video going in the background because I needed background noise and I don't have TV or a radio, and someone got into an aside about one Jimmy Savile. That name rang a bell, because oh yeah, that's that name that TERFs are always incoherently shouting. I had never heard this name in any other context before (this may be surprising to British people but for real nobody in the vast world outside your tiny bigot-ridden island has heard of ANY of your celebrities outside of like, the Beatles, the Rolling Stones, Monty Python, Mr. Bean, and the leads from Doctor Who in 1980 and 2008, plus some people who got famous on American TV) so I started paying attention, but the person talking was kind of talking around the subject. So then I looked him up on wikipedia, and first of all, yikes, but also yeah this guy doesn't have the slightest thing to do with trans people, so what the hell?

See to hear TERFs tell it, the world was all sunshine and rainbows forever until the ever-moving target of "just a few years ago" when trans people suddenly started existing and you can't trust them, especially around kids, and then, yeah, they incoherently shout "Jimmy Savile!" Every so often one will be in an interview or something and not just shouting slurs at you in an unmoderated forum and there'll be some followup where they mutter about having absolutely no idea and being totally shocked but again like, none of that holds up? Trans people have been around for the entirety of human history and never actually caused any problems of any sort for anyone, this creep people claim to have had no idea he was a creep until after he died in 2011 had songs (plural!) on the radio about his well-known to anyone who ever interacted with him serial sexual assaults on children as far back as the the mid-1980s, and the particular TERF I most often trying to make some sort of connection here absolutely knew I was trans back when he was apparently trying to get into my pants in 2014, well after they I guess started scrubbing this creep's names off buildings and apparently before trans people existed according their weird sliding timeline.

Being, apparently, quite a few years older than all recorded human history, I also remember that bit where before really going all in on "corrupting our innocent children" BS and dropping other weird angles, there was this desperate flailing about where trans women were like, using our vile shapeshifting powers to sneak into locker rooms and punch people or whatever? In particular, I'm recalling the bit where it first became apparent to the last few hold outs that Rowling's an unhinged bigot, and some of those people had the presence of mind to ask her WTF it was she had against trans people anyway. To which Rowling responded with this non-sequitur about her ex-husband being a violent abuser. I remember at the time a lot of people were surprised, because they had no idea that Rowling's ex was trans. But see, people had no idea about that, because it's not at all true. Like the next day someone dug up the ex in question and asked him, "hey, are you actually a woman or something?" and he responded with a rather confused no.

And like, there's SOME logic to responding to the question "why are you making unfounded claims about a whole group of people being violent?" with "oh I know this person who's violent and I hate him," there's just this unspoken "and I feel like that's a pretty universal reaction, so being violent struck me as a good thing to claim about anyone I want people to hate," ditto with the CSA stuff, but it can't just be rational people with any clue what they're talking about like me who see these totally unrelated claims and go "OK wait though. If trans people are guilty of all these horrible evil things, why is it you literally don't seem to be able to name a single one, and keep just bringing up people who aren't trans?" Happens with sports too! They'll shout about trans people being super athletes and then when they can't actually find examples they point at random cis athletes.

I don't really have a larger point here, just, you know, it's a weird freaking tactic, and people don't call it out the way they should. So I guess I'll just awkwardly transition into begging for money again.

Patreon link.

#terfs #baseless accusations #I feel like I should be more specific here but the whole point is inventing an overlap between innocent people and awfulness

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fangirleaconmigo · 3 months

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As someone who uses they/them but is not out to their parents - if you're doing as they ask in front of their parents, consistently and without question, then you're doing the right thing. That's one of the biggest sources of stress, for me - that someone who knows will out me by accident before I'm ready to have that conversation. You stop misgendering them in front of their parents only when they tell you to stop - forget what surgery they have or haven't had, forget what hormone therapy they're on. They'll make that call when they're ready, when it's time, and your role here is to follow their lead.

The non-parent relatives are the same. If in doubt, ask what someone knows before you head into a situation. If they're anything like me, they'll appreciate that you're aware of the stakes. Knowing that you're being careful about it will probably be a weight off their mind.

In terms of things you can do - obviously, gender them correctly to their face. If you slip up, apologise and correct yourself - doesn't need to be a big thing, just acknowledge it in the same sentence and move on. Practice when they aren't around. Make it clear you're a safe space. Make it clear you're trying, that you value this trust they've offered.

Genuinely, though, it sounds so simple but the most affirming thing you can do is use the right pronouns without question or hesitation. I came out to my best friend of nearly 20 years this spring. Her response was basically, "I was wondering when you were going to figure that out," and she switched immediately. That change is like when there's roadworks outside your house and they have been jackhammering for hours and suddenly it stops. It's a joy and it's a relief.

If you're not sure, ask. Just make it clear when you ask that it's coming from a place of 'I want to make sure I am doing what makes you most comfortable' rather than a request for explanation or justification.

All this said. You sound like you're doing good. The fact that they have told you says you are doing something right. The fact that you're worried about how best to support them says you're doing something right. Keep doing what you're doing. You love them, you sound like you are treating them with care, and it sounds like they can tell.

Thank you so much! I'm sorry for the delay in answering. I appreciate you taking the time to give such thoughtful advice.

For those who missed it, a while back I asked for advice on how to navigate trying to support transmasc young people (two in my family) with unsupportive parents, when the parents are my age or my peers and I'm often in company with all of them.

I also had a lot of anxiety about bringing up the issues of pronouns because I didn't want to pile on to the stress they were under by making it weird.

But I did take your advice. All of this advice. And with the person who uses he/they, I got the courage to just ask, and just outright said that I was asking because I wanted them to be comfortable and happy, not because I was looking for justification.

He thanked me for asking and when we hung out next (I took him out for a birthday celebration with my son and gf-my son's gf), I just made sure to use the right pronouns.

I think it all went well because I then got a request through my son to help connect him to trans resources. We live in a tiny conservative town and it is suffocating here for me, so I can only imagine for the younger queer folks.

So I was encouraged to be given something tangible I could do to help. My strength is research and networking for sure. I'm often the family extrovert brought in when these things are needed and I like feeling like my skills are needed XD I found a bunch of stuff (local support groups, trans friendly churches, trans friendly therapists, etc etc) and forwarded it.

So, I think these are all good signs and I thank you (and everyone else who answered) for helping give me things to think about and how to approach the issue.

I'm a big worrier and the thing I worry most about is probably looking after the young people in my life. I went through so much shit as a kid that it makes me hyper aware and it always makes me feel better if I know I can help in any way.

#asks

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 5 months

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AITA for yelling at someone, making them cry, and indirectly making them loose their friends

This happened several years ago but it plays on my mind sometimes. Everyone in this story is 15/16 at the time, in our last year at secondary school, UK. (🏎️ for finding this)

Myself, my girlfriend at the time [F], my best friend [B], F's friend [D], and a few of our other mutual friends were hanging out at lunch break. There aren't enough chairs at the table so F and I leave to go get extra. I come back and nothing seems amis.

Adding in some context now. No one in this story is cishet. We were all painfully awkward queer teens who haven't figured ourselves out yet. So we were all bottom of the social ladder, very much 'losers'. Me and F were, to my knowledge, the only 'same sex' couple in school. So by this point I'm used to people constantly making remarks about our relationship, but that's usually from ppl I didn't know or care about.

D is the only person, at this point, at school who's openly trans and genderqueer. They got a lot of hate for it. A lot of people harassed them and they didn't have many friends. I think for transparency's sake I have to say, I didn't really like D, we just didn't jell, but I made an effort to be kind and include them bc it's hard being queer in secondary school and I'm not gonna add more hate to that when me not getting on with them was my issue not theirs. And as a fellow victim of bullying I wasn't gonna exclude them from our friend group

Back to the story. As soon as we're back in classes, B tells me that D leant over to them while me and F were gone and said that it's "so sad seeing A and [OP] together" because "I took F's first kiss" and "poor [OP]". I trusted B's word on this as at that point we'd been best friends for several years, they weren't a shit stirrer, and had no reason to lie. In fact, they were confused D even said that to them since they were barely friends and knew B was best friends with me and would tell me they said that.

Hearing this really annoyed me. While I knew F and D had dated in the past, that didn't and shouldn't have effected mine and F's relationship in any way. And they'd been broken up well before I knew either of them. It's none of D's business who F kisses, and it's a shitty idea that because they'd dated before their later relationship first didn't mean as much. It felt very much like a dick thing to think never mind say about me and F. Also, B was my best friend, who did D get off to shit talking me to my best friend?

Anyway. Usually at the end of the day, several of us walked home together, and this group included D. I get to the spot we usually wait first and when I see D I confront them. I ask them why they'd say that and if they've got a problem with me. They don't deny saying it or really explain themself at all, they just look guilty. At first I kept calm. I knew D was F's friend and I didn't want to put a wedge in their friendship because of any issue I had with D. But, I keep asking why they did that, and if they've got something against me. If they're gonna shit talk me yanno. Then D starts crying.

I know it probably shouldn't have but this made me really mad. So I start yelling at them, saying something along the lines of 'so you're going to be an asshole to me and then you're gonna start crying?' and 'you started this, why are you crying?'. They start saying something along the lines of 'I didn't mean it like that' so I ask how did you mean it? And that they knew it wasn't something fine to say, because they said it behind my back and not to my face.

By this point, other people are watching, some of which were our mutual friends. I keep demanding they explain themself or at least apologize to me, but instead they run off crying. I don't follow them. If they're going to remove themself from the situation then fine.

People start asking what the hell that was about and I explain briefly to the people I knew and told the people I didn't to mind their own business. Someone I don't know tells me Ds gone to the head of year and I tell them I don't care, let them, I didn't do anything wrong. (This later amounts to nothing as no teacher ever comes to speak to me about this, so I doubt D did go to the head of year at all)

Eventually the people who were curious about what happened leave. All of the group who walk home together show up, including F. I explain to F what happened and they're upset that D said that about me, but wasn't happy to hear that D left crying.

For the rest of the school year, D ends up avoiding me. Literally staying out of my way, moving if I even glanced over at them. I thought they were overreacting. I never threatened them, and they were the one who chose to be an asshole first. I felt they were making this much more than it needed to be by avoiding it all together. We barely had an argument before they left, but anyone would have thought I'd attacked them or something. But because I obviously was always around F, D didn't have anyone to hang out with anymore. F was their only real friend and their other sort of friends were in our friend group.

No one told them they couldn't hang out with us anymore. (I'm pretty sure because they started avoiding me, I never ended up speaking to them again.) I know they still spoke to F still, but it seemed like their friendship was heavily damaged by it all.

D later ended up dropping out and finishing the school year through home schooling. I believe this was in large part due to the harassment they got for being genderqueer openly. (I remember on several occasions standing up for D and telling people to stop being transphobic assholes behind Ds back after this argument happened. Just because we didn't get along doesn't mean was gonna let that shit slide.)

I feel like I could be the asshole because due to this whole situation, D stopped hanging around their friends and through that lost a lot of the support they had. And obviously, I did make them cry.

On the other hand, no one stopped them from hanging out with their friends. They chose to avoid me and the situation. A situation they started by being a dick to me with zero provoking. They never apologized or recanted what they said. It's hard to feel bad that they lost their friends because they were being a shitty friend

Luckily, from what I know from friends of friends, D is doing better now and is around ppl who support them

This got a lot longer than I wanted but I believe I got all the details in there.

So, wita?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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toofcrumch · 1 year

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Knight to the Prince

Fandom: Stranger Things

Relationship: Eddie Munson/Trans Reader

Warnings: Smut (heavy), AFAB Reader, Blood, Slurs

Word Count: 4,621

Description: Jason outs you to the school when he finds out you’re transgender. Eddie doesn’t take too kindly to that.

A/N: You can also support me by giving this and my other works love on AO3! Find me under the same name <3

The blows landed one after another causing you to shield your face with your arms. You cried and begged for them to stop, coughing hard as you felt someone’s foot go into your ribs. Jason and his buddies had cornered you in the locker room after seeing you take your shirt off. You hadn’t covered your scars that day and Jason called you out in front of everyone. They grabbed you by the shoulders and threw you to the tile floor, causing your towel to fall off your waist and completely expose yourself to the group. You quickly grabbed the towel, covering up your lower half as the hits and kicks continued.

“You fucking freak! Who even let you in here?”

“This is a guy’s basketball team, fuckin’ queer!”

Jason leaned down and grabbed you roughly by your hair, jerking you up so you could look at him. Your vision was blurred in one eye due to blood leaking into it from a cut on your forehead. You looked at him the best you could, begging him to let go of your hair as you gripped onto your towel.

“Jason, pl-please..”

“I better not catch your queer face back in this locker room. Get the fuck out.” He tossed you away from him by the hair. You busted your face on a bench, a strong burning sensation spreading across your right cheek. Your tears stung as they leaked into the wounds.

You scrambled up off of the floor as they screamed insults at you. You didn’t even have the time to grab your belongings or clothes, you just ran from the locker room to find shelter somewhere far from them. You wrapped the towel back around your waist, running past other people to find a bathroom or closet to hide in. You saw one of the old conference rooms that had been overtaken by some nerdy kids and hid yourself away in there.

You slammed and locked the door behind you, cautiously peeking out the small, foggy window to see if you were followed. When you realized the coast was clear you slid down the door until your butt was pressed against the carpeted floor. You pulled your knees up to your chest and sobbed, poking at your wound with the tip of your towel to try and stop the bleeding.

“Holy shit, what the hell happened to you?”

Your head jerked up, making your vision blur from the sudden movement. Someone was in this room with you. You could see a tall figure begin to walk close to you, but you still couldn’t tell who it was until they sat down next to you. You felt a tender hand poke at your cheek. You cried out, swatting the hand away.

“What the fuck?!” You yelled, hand jerking up to clutch your wound.

“Sorry, I couldn’t tell if it was fake or not.” The person mumbled, “I’m Eddie. Eddie Mun-“

“I know who you are.” You gulped, “Jason isn’t very fond of you either.” You told him your name and he sat back on his haunches to get a better few of your injuries.

“Jason did this?” Eddie gasped, “Why? Aren’t you on his little ball team?”

You nodded. “I’m… I’m different. And he didn’t like that.”

“Different..” Eddie mumbled in thought, looking you up and down. His eyes drifted from your face and down to the two lightly faded zipper like scars on your chest. The wheels in Eddie’s brain began to turn and the more they did, the more pissed he became. “Hey, let me help you up.”

You looked over to him to scan his face- to try and see what his true intentions were. He had the most kind eyes and such a sweet, soft smile. You felt as though you could trust him and gave him your hand to help you up. He put his other hand on your waist to keep your towel in place as he helped you over to a soft desk chair. He reached under the desk for his book bag and sat it on the table.

“I have some old gym clothes in here you can put on. Did they take your stuff too?”

You shook your head, “No. They just chased me away before I could grab anything.”

Eddie nodded, unzipping the bag to hand you the clothes. “What’s your locker number. I’ll go grab your stuff.”

He sat on the desk in front of you and you could only stare.”Why are you being so nice to me? We’ve only just met.”

Eddie scoffed and shook his head, looking up at the ceiling to think of how to word what he was feeling. “Jason is a cunt. He picks on the outcasts and when they step out of line- he does this.” He gestured to your injuries, “But he messed up today.”

“How?”

He leaned in close to you and brought a hand up to wipe some blood away from under your nose. “Because he picked on someone other than me.”

Eddie hopped off the desk and rushed to the door, “I’ll be back with your stuff soon. There’s some tissues in my bag too if you need ‘em.”

Panic filled your brain and you went to stand up, but quickly sat back down as pain filled your abdomen. “Eddie what are you-“

Eddie shushed you, “Don’t worry. You just rest up and get dressed. I’ll take care of Jason.”

You were going to protest but Eddie had quickly exited the room. You sat back in the chair and grabbed his backpack. Your face crinkled at the strong smell of weed coming from it. Either way, you unzipped the bag and pulled out a cropped Hawkins High sweatshirt and green gym shorts. You pulled everything on as quickly as you could and sat back down. You finally felt at home in your skin once more. Unfortunately the adrenaline in your system was quickly fading and the pain from all over finally consumed you.

Tears once more began to fall from your face. You grabbed your dirty towel and began to search through this Eddie kid's backpack once more. Sure enough he did have tissues, but he also had a half drank bottle of water. You dumped the remnants of the bottle onto your towel and began to clean up the spot on your face and forehead.

Once you had determined they had been sufficiently cleaned, you folded the blood stained towel onto the table and rested your head. Your teachers were going to be pissed while you skipped, but you personally didn't give two shits right now. You shut your eyes and whimpered, hugging your body as you tried to rest until Eddie returned.

Your eyes shot open at the feeling of someone's hand gently touching your shoulder. You pushed yourself off the table and spun back in the chair. Eddie stood there, hands up in defense of himself. You panted, trying to catch your breath from being startled awake.

"Woah, woah- chill. It's just me."

You looked him up and down. His once white shirt had spots of blood around the collar. His face was littered with bruises and his lip was even busted.

"Eddie, what happened?" You asked, slowly getting up to go over to him.

Eddie bashfully lowered his head. "What those assholes did to you wasn't right. No one should treat you like that just because you've decided to make yourself happy."

You felt a small smile twitch at your lips. You pushed your now damp hair back on your head. "Thank you, but… I didn't want to cause any trouble."

Eddie laughed, "You? No. It was those fuckers. I might have got my ass kicked too, but now Jason has a bald spot on the back of his head."

You couldn't help but giggle loudly, "You ripped some of his hair out?"

"Piece of shit played dirty. He socked me in the dick so I grabbed his hair and shook him like a ragdoll."

The smile was now on full display on your face. You wobbled over to Eddie and wrapped your arms around him. Eddie seemed to have frozen in place when you did that. You could feel the muscles in his torso stiffen.

"You're a good guy, Eddie."

Eddie relaxed, a smile coming to his own face. He wrapped his arms gently around your shoulders, hugging you back.

"I got your stuff back." He mumbled, "It's on the table. I might have gotten a bit of blood on it though."

You shrugged, pulling back from the hug to grab your things. You shuffled through your bag to find your medicine pouch.

"Just a reminder of the day my knight came to save me." You winked at Eddie as you popped a couple of tylenol in your mouth, swallowing them dryly.

Eddie’s face reddened as he stared at you. You were putting your shoes on as he walked over to you, grabbing his own book bag. Once your shoes were on, you stood up to look at him.

“Want me to give you a ride home? Make sure Jason and his lackies don’t follow you or anything.” He twirled a strand of hair around his finger shyly.

You grinned at his sweet offer, nodding. You went to grab your own bag but he had scooped it out from your hands.

“You had a pretty nasty bruise on your stomach. Let me get this.”

You held up your hands, “Might as well. You did just stand up to like- 5 guys for me.”

Eddie smirked and stood to the side to let you start walking. You limped slowly to the door with him in tow, making sure you didn’t fall or collapse. Eddie grabbed the door for you. As the two of you walked through the school halls, you gasped and turned to look at him with anxiety written all over your face.

“What do I tell my teachers? I’m gonna miss the rest of my classes-“

Eddie blew a raspberry, rolling his eyes. “You’ll be fine. It’s one day. Just say you had an accident in gym and you’ll be fine.”

You hummed in agreement, “If you think that’ll work.”

“Dude, you look like an apple that got kicked around an orchard. You don’t need to stay here.”

You sighed but agreed with him anyway. He guided you out of the school doors and to the student parking lot. His car was very obvious. An old rusty, black van with the words ‘Corroded Coffin’ painted crudely on the side in white paint. You giggled to yourself at the paint job. He noticed your giggles and looked down at you with a raised eyebrow.

“Don’t you laugh at her. That big girl has gotten me through some rough times.”

You shook your head with a small smile on your face. You looked Eddie up and down once more as he tossed your stuff in the back of his van. His shirt slightly raising up to expose a glimpse of his hips. And along with a small black tattoo of a skull. You chewed on your lip, stepping up to him enough for him to stop what you’re doing.

He looked down at you, trying to read your face to see why you were standing so close to him. You put a hand on his chest delicately, slowly running it up to rub your thumb on his exposed collar bone.

“What you did for me, Eddie… No one has ever done something so nice for me.” You mumbled, looking up into his eyes. You could see his pupils were blown wide and you were almost positive yours were as well. “I don’t have a lot of people in my corner. I lost most of them whenever I came out and transitioned.”

Eddie listened to you closely, moving an arm to snake around your waist and pull you closer to him. The two of you were almost pressed flush against one another.

“Well,” He whispered, “You have me now.”

You stared into his eyes and he pushed the few strands of hair off of your forehead, letting his fingers cascade down the good side of your face. You felt a heat rise in your chest as he touched you. Every place his skin connected with yours felt like a lighter was touching you. A chill ran down your spin as his fingers danced down your neck, rubbing at the sensitive skin there.

Eddie grinned, “I’ll be your knight any day of the week, my prince.” He whispered as his head slowly started to dip in closer to yours.

Your head swooned at the sound of the nickname. You closed the gap between the two of you, lunging forward to throw your arms around his neck. Eddie caught you, both arms wrapping around your waist.

The kiss became heated quickly with teeth clicking together and tongues teasingly sliding against one another. You could taste the faint hint of a cigarette on his breath and it made your brain feel foggy. Eddie rubbed small circles into the dip of your lower back as he walked backwards, going until the back of his legs hit the edge of his van. He parted from the kiss with a gasp, trying to suck air into his screaming lungs.

“Let’s get in here. Don’t need to be caught making out and ditching class.”

You nodded eagerly, letting him help you into the van. It was really nice on the inside compared to the outside. There was a nice dark green carpet laid out on the floor with a collection of different types of pillows scattered about the back. A curtain even separated the back of the van from the front seats. Once Eddie had shut the doors, you grabbed him by the shirt and dragged him back to you. You laid back easily on the pillows and pulled him on top of you.

“Someone’s pretty eager to get a taste of the Freak.”

“I think ‘Freak’ is my new favorite flavor.” You moaned, leaning up to capture another kiss.

He laughed into the kiss, one of his hands clutching onto your hip as he held himself up with the other. You decided to try something, nibbling gently at the cut part of his lip. Eddie growled in pain and pleasure, pulling away enough to look you in the eyes.

“Playing a dangerous game there, my liege.”

You shrugged with a cocky grin. Eddie hummed and dipped down to your neck, leaving his own assault of open mouth kisses and bites along the delicate flesh. Your back arched only slightly and your head crooned against his. His nibbles on your skin did a great job at distracting you from the rest of your injuries. At least any hickies he’d leave would just blend in with the rest of your bruises.

While he sucked at your neck, his hand danced dangerously around the waist band on the shorts he gave you.

“If I do something you don’t want, just stop me.” He whispered into your neck, every other word accentuated with a kiss. You nodded, feeling his finger tips graze the bottom of your belly. A shudder ran through your body at the feeling.

You could feel Eddie smirk against your neck as he moved his kisses down your neck and to the top of your chest. You paused him, sitting up to take off the sweatshirt he gave you. His eyes explored your torso with excitement laced through them. Bouncing between the toned muscles of your stomach to the light pink scars on your chest. You could even see his eyes soften at the bruises that littered your skin.

His hands reached out to smooth across your body. You leaned your head back as you enjoyed the warm pleasure that was his hands. You moaned quietly as the pads of his thumbs pressed lightly against your bruises. The light pressure mixed with pain felt nice, it wasn’t an overbearing pain. Once his hands reached your nipples, your body lurched and a loud whine escaped your lips.

“Fuck,” You breathed, “Do that again.”

Eddie licked his lips and pinched at both your nipples, making your body bend into his touch. Your mouth hung open as you were reduced to a panting mess. Eddie leaned in, replacing one of his hands with his mouth as he suckled the tender bud, gently nipping.

You couldn’t help his name coming out of your mouth. You chanted his name like you were one of the cheerleaders. Eddie, Eddie, Eddie. Over and over. He moaned against your chest. You tangled one of your hands into his long curls, tugging gently at the roots. Another growl escaped him and he twisted your nipple with more force. You cried out, your other hand reaching desperately for something to grip onto as you found the pillows behind you. Eddie’s mouth began to move south, leaving small bite marks as a trail. When he made it down to your waist, you flopped back down onto the pillows below. He kissed and bit at the lower part of your stomach, making you squirm with need.

“Eddie, please, touch me…” You begged, your hand tugging gently at his hair to get his attention.

“Hell, you’re impatient.” He mumbled, hooking a teasing finger into your waist band and slowly pulling down.

“And you’re too slow.” You grumbled, hips unintentionally jerking forward.

“Where’s the fun in going fast? I like to enjoy my meals.” He winked.

Your eyes narrowed at him as he continued to slowly pull down your shorts. It took some time for him to finally expose you to the cool air inside the van. You could already feel how wet you were when the air sent a chill straight to your core. You whimpered and blushed as he tossed your shorts over his shoulder.

“Fuck, you look so good.” He pushed your knees up to be on either side of your head and kissed at the inside of your thighs. “So fucking hot.”

You whined, rolling your hips in his direction as he teased you. Eddie kissed a line down each of your thighs, making sure to avoid the part you wanted him in most. He reached a hand up and prodded at your cocklette, gently pinching and twirling it between his fingers. You sucked in a deep breath through your mouth and let it out with a moan.

“Fuuuck, Eddie.” You whined, “That feels so good…”

Eddie smiled, his opposite hand massaging into your thigh as the other assaulted your cocklette.

“I only live to please you, my prince.”

“You keep talking like that and this is gonna be over sooner rather than later.”

“How about I just not talk at all?”

You were going to smart off, but realized quickly where his mind was. He quickly shoved his face into your core, lapping and slurping like a starving lion. Your nails dug into the carpet, your back arched, and your legs squeezed around Eddie’s head. This man was eating you out like you were his last meal, moaning and humming at the flavor of you on his tongue.

Your brain was empty at this point. The only sensation your body felt was Eddie’s face between your legs. Your hands flew back to his hair as he began to suck your cock. One of your hands gripped the back of his head as you rolled your hips up into his face.

“Shit, shit, shit, shit…”

Your mantra of curses seemed to fuel him. His tongue swirled around the tip, making tears begin to prickle at the corners of your eyes. Your breath was stuck in your throat and your body was on fire. You would think you were having a panic attack if this didn’t feel like heaven.

Eddie moaned and purred as you fucked into his mouth, purposefully making grotesque noises as he lapped at the juices that came from your juicy center. Just as you felt the knot begin to tighten in your stomach, Eddie jerked his face away from you, panting and gasping as you dripped from his lips.

You sat your head up just as quick to look at him, you even whined and wiggled your hips.

“Why did you stop?” You complained, sitting up a bit to get a better look at him.

Eddie smiled as he panted, wiping his mouth with the back of his arm. “Trust me, I would drink you up all day long if I could, baby, but…” He leaned in, crawling over you as he took his shirt off. “I really want my cock inside you. I need to feel you…” He pecked your lips, “I need to feel you stretch around me and grip my cock like a vice…” He kissed you again. You could taste yourself strongly on his lips.

“I. Need. You.”

He then thrust his hips against your opening, causing you to let out hot puffs of air. You nodded quickly, your hands flying to grab at his shoulders.

"Fuck me, Eddie. Please."

Eddie smiled a large devious smile and shoved you playfully back onto the floor. You laughed quietly, the air being knocked out of you as you hit the ground. You heard the sound of a zipper and your eyes flicked over to Eddie in curiosity. You watched intently as he unzipped his pants, shoving them and his underwear down to expose his large, throbbing cock. The tip was red from being restrained against his pants this whole time. Small beads of precum leaked out through the tip and dribbled down onto the floor of his van.

You licked your lips hungrily. You couldn't wait to feel him stretch you to the edge, pounding into you until it felt like your inner walls would break. You never thought you would be where you are right now. In Eddie Munson's van about to be completely destroyed by him and his monster cock.

He grabbed you by the underside of your thighs and dragged you forward, making you hiss as the carpet burned your back. He wasted no time with you, flipping you over and pulling you up until your back was pressed against his bare chest. You could feel how hard his nipples were with them poking into your back. You felt him prod at your opening, wiggling your hips to help him find where he needed to go.

He laughed at your effort, his free hand snaking around your front to possessively grip at your throat. The cold of his rings felt like a dream against your skin. You felt his lips against your ear, kissing and nipping at the cartilage.

"Ready, baby boy?"

Before you could answer properly, his cock thrusted into you at an alarming speed. Your mouth flew open in a silent scream. He held your hips against his with one hand while the other held you by the throat. Eddie groaned and hummed at the feeling of your hole sucking him in, flexing and gripping at the sudden intrusion.

"Fuck, you fit me like a glove." He whispered breathily. "Now how about the fun part, my little prince?"

You nodded quickly, unable to speak or even think with the feeling of his cock in you. You gripped at his hands with need- the need to ground yourself while he did what he wanted with you.

"Fuck…me…please."

You whined the last word and you felt his cock jolt inside of you. Without warning, his hips began pounding into you. He started slow but quickly made his thrusts faster. The faster he went too, the harder his hand gripped your throat. You were sure to have a ring shaped bruise by tomorrow. What's a few more?

The sound of your hips smacking into one another was the only thing keeping you on this mortal plane. That and the sound of his quiet growls and praises in your ear.

"Fuck you like that, baby? Like my cock shoved deep inside you? Yeah you were made for me. I can feel you throbbing around me. You feel like absolute velvet against my cock. You're so fuckin' handsome y'know that? So damn sexy too. I could listen to you beg and plead for my cock on repeat."

You tried your best to match his thrusts, but already you were feeling weak and wobbly. The knot in your stomach started to ravel up again, getting tighter and tighter every time his cock deliciously slammed into you to the hilt. Your nails dug into his hand, scraping the skin enough to draw blood. You could feel the wetness under your nails.

"What a good boy, you're taking my cock like such a champ. Want me to cum inside you? Fill you up until I'm leaking out between your legs? Hmm?"

You nodded eagerly, "Yes, yes, please Eddie cum in me. I wanna feel you cum in me, please!" Your moans and pleads were loud, you were sure if there was someone outside that they would hear your whorish screams.

Eddie went quiet, the only thing coming out of his mouth were harsh pants and whiny moans. His hips began to stutter and his thrusts became harder. The hand that was on your hip reached between your legs and started teasing your cocklette. You finally lost it and your body convulsed against Eddie, your orgasm blinding you. You leaned your head back against Eddie's shoulder, mouth hanging open wide.

"FUUCK." You yelled, your legs vibrating and shaking underneath you as Eddie conitnued to fuck into you through your orgasm.

Feeling the spasms and clenching around his cock, Eddie gave a few more good thrusts before slamming into you one last time. He stilled, hugging you tightly against him as he pumped you full of his cum. The hot, full feeling in your stomach made white stars appear in your already blurred vision. You whimpered and whined as Eddie rode through his own orgasm.

When you were both finished Eddie held you tight and collapsed to the floor with you next to him. He slowly pulled his cock from you, watching his cum spill from your hole and down the backs of your thighs.

"Holy shit, that was amazing…" Eddie gasped, rubbing circles into your hip.

You hummed in agreement, not having the energy to give a real answer.

Eddie kissed the back of your neck with such tenderness compared to how he did before. He traced his fingers over the bite marks on your neck, leaving kisses on those too as an apology. He sat up to reach the passenger seat and covered the two of you with a raggedy old blanket. Your body was so weak from pleasure, you could barely roll over onto your back.

You looked over at Eddie who was propped onto his elbow, smiling sweetly down at you. He brought his hand up to gently caress your face, being careful of your facial injury.

"How does it feel?"

You raised an eyebrow, "It still hurts, but I can bare it."

Eddie scoffed, "Not that."

"Then what?"

"How does it feel knowing you just got railed by the Freak of Hawkins High School?"

You laughed hard, gently swatting Eddie on the chest. He laughed as well, leaning down to capture your lips in a soft kiss. You moaned quietly, pulling back.

"Would you maybe want to go get some pizza with me?"

"Would you maybe want to watch a movie with me too?" Eddie retorted, batting his eyelashes and jutting out his lip in a pout.

You giggled, pinching his cheek.

"Sounds like a date."

#eddie munson #stranger things #joseph quinn #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x afab reader #trans reader #smut #eddie munson smut #ao3 #eddie munson / reader

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shantyslimes · 10 months

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MHA major manga spoilers don't read if you're not caught up dummy <3

So Toga dying is really disappointing. I've still got the Cope disease of Maybe She'll Survive Somehow but lbr no she ain't. It's disappointing for a few reasons.

1. Bad people are bad and cannot be redeemed.

Toga never chose a villain name because she doesn't want to be a villain, she just wants to be her normal self but in doing so (likely because of her quirk) she's ostracized and forced to be a villain. Because of how she's treated and responded to, she can only ever be a villain or locked away like a villain. This feels particularly painful when the homeroom teacher for class 1B literally uses a blood based quirk (granted his own blood but you see my point). There are people who COULD help but but because Toga is a villain she can't get any kind of actual help - something she has never actually received in her life. If the world says you're bad, you are and you can't get better, so die.

2. Bury Your Gays

I don't want to go into it too much but. Yeah great we've got a crazy bisexual who's stalker like and obsessed with the people she's attracted to who dies the literal minute she finds someone willing to listen to her. Toga has always been bi coded, but to effectively have Uraraka show interest in a woman JUST for them both to end up on death's door and it to be "one of them has to die now" feels a little bullshit, especially considering

3. Queerness in MHA

Before saying this I want to preface, I like this series, I think it's a great tribute to both shonen and Superhero comics. But also, if you look at the list of (confirmed) queer characters in the series, you have Magna, Toga, Tiger, Ochako (only confirmed so a love interest could die), and Mineta. There's a good chance I'm missing some so don't be afraid to correct me if I did! Anyway of that list only Ochako and Tiger are positively portrayed. Toga and Magna are literally both members of a group called "The League of Villains," and Mineta is so constantly portrayed as creepy and weird that he takes the perverted character archetype to a point of uncomfortable. So you're left with Tiger and Ochako, the latter has only shown a romantic interest in Deku up to this point, and the former you have to read extended material to know he's trans, as in the actual series it's only implied to be the case because he's the only man in an otherwise all female group.

To put it another way, the only openly queer, non villain who does not endure Bury Your Gays is arguably the most hated character in the entire series.

All of this is to say that Toga dying feels like a slap in the face. She's a character defined by simply wanting to be accepted and loved. Her own parents said she came out wrong to her face. Doctors told her she was broken. Other parents asked her why she couldn't be normal. You know what those all have in common?

Adults are telling this queer child to stop acting like herself and just be normal. Scenes of people her age responding like this to her only pop up after she's started pulling a knife on them and screaming she's in love with them. What chance did she actually have to adjust to a normal life?

She had one friend who she understood, and he died. Even after a series of saying she wants people, the second it actually happens, it's happening because she's a threat and she can't trust others enough to be vulnerable.

She just wanted to be loved, and her reward is no chances at redemption and the bitter reality of dying moments after getting it.

#my hero academia #boku no hero academia #mha #bnha spoilers #bnha #spoliers #toga himiko #toga #himiko toga #manga #togachako

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mazegays · 10 months

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could've followed my fears all the way down

Chapter 6

Chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12

Thomas’s group ends up being hand-picked by Vince two days before they leave. Michael, Lily, and Tina, all Immunes, all older than him, all people he’s never spoken a word to.

He doesn’t tell Gally until the morning of. Gally will tell him not to go, and he’ll be right.

He shouldn’t go. He knows he shouldn’t.

“You coming with me today?” Gally asks. He’s been bouncing around doing light tasks— Anya won’t clear him for harder work until he gains weight.

It’s more than a fair assessment of his physical state, but that doesn’t mean he has to like it.

“No, Jorge and Vince have something they want me to do.”

“You don’t have to say yes, Thomas.”

He already has.

“I know. You might not see me a lot the next few days.”

“Alright, Greenie. Go do your super-secret task.” There’s something a little cold in Gally’s tone, and the urge to tell him everything rushes through Thomas.

He turns away before he can, despite the sourness of the unspoken words in his mouth.

“Are we ready?” Thomas picks up his pack. He knows it’s the lightest of the group: spare clothes and bandages, mostly.

Well, and the handgun that Jorge has insisted he take. For protection, he says.

Just holding it makes Thomas’s stomach twist. If he had a choice, he’d never carry one again. But it’s no use. None of his group have even held a gun before.

“If you find anything useful and light enough to carry, bring it back.” Vince orders.

“We will, Vince.” Michael says. They all just want to get this over with.

Stepping through the Flat-Trans is cold as always, but nothing could ever be worse than when Thomas sees what’s likely Teresa’s hand—now only bones—under the rubble.

She’d shoved him out of the way, and this is what she’d gotten for it. An exposed grave, her flesh no doubt eaten away by animals.

“Should we— ” Lily starts, quietly. Thomas shakes his head, still staring at the bones.

“She wouldn’t want us to waste our time digging up her body when we have more important things to be doing. Trust me,” He ignores the looks the other three send each other. “Teresa was all about the mission.”

He understands that now, even if he hadn’t before. Why she’d decided to dedicate herself to WCKD the way she had, he doesn’t know.

He doesn’t remember.

He wonders when the two of them split. When Teresa originally decided that she was going to aid WCKD, no matter the cost.

finish on ao3 or continue reading

“Which way first? Should we split up?” Tina suggests, and Thomas forces himself to look away.

He’s not here to grieve. He’s here on a job, and he can’t get distracted thinking about anything else.

“No, not yet.” He decides. “Not until we’re all a little more familiar with the layout. Where it’s safe, and where we can’t go.” He walks past the rubble, past Teresa’s hand, her crushed body.

There’s nothing left for them there. But he knows where there might be.

Somehow, most of the building is still intact, farther out. Past the worst of the rubble, it’s clearly visible.

“We have to get to that? How are we going to do that in a few days?” Michael scoffs.

“We’re not.” Thomas gestures to the less-blown-apart section closer by. “We’ll reach that section by nightfall. That’s our first stop. Only stop, if we find something. If we don’t, then we’ll split up. One of you will stay with me and the other two will go back and let Vince and Jorge know what’s going on.”

“Why did you pick us?” Lily asks. “You don’t know us. You’ve never worked with us.” So they don't even know that he didn't pick them? Why wouldn't Vince have told them that?

“Because Vince’s stipulation was that I don’t bring any of my friends, and they’re basically the only people I know. Some of them would have wanted to come.”

“That doesn’t make sense.”

“It doesn’t have to. Maybe he’s worried we’d all break down out here. Maybe he just wants me to talk to more people. I can’t really say.” Thomas sits down, ending the conversation. Lunch is quiet, and he misses sitting with his friends. He wants to turn back now, but he knows he can't do that.

What will Jorge tell them when they realize he hasn’t been there in days?

There’s nothing interesting or helpful on the way to their section. Thomas marks a few spots to indicate they’ve already been there, but he doesn’t really think they’ll get turned around.

“Do you think there are any Cranks around here?” Tina asks.

“No idea.” He doesn’t tell them about the gun. Now’s not the time to stop and pull it out the bag.

They might think he’s trying to kill them.

“We don’t have anything to hold them off.” Michael points out. “We’re pretty much dead if there are.”

“Brenda and I got away from Cranks mostly by running once.” Thomas says, offhandedly. Brenda had shot the one, in the end, but mainly they’d run away and stayed hidden. “We’ll be fine. Any Cranks we’d be likely to see wouldn’t be coherent at all anymore.”

“Well, just because you and Brenda,” Tina starts, “did it doesn’t mean we can!” He turns around to find the three of them have stopped walking.

“Look, I have a gun, okay? Jorge insisted I bring one. I know how to use it. When I say we’ll be fine, I mean it. The most dangerous thing here is probably a wall falling on us, and we’ve stayed away from the most unstable ones.”

“What is it with you Maze kids? Why are you always like this?” Lily says.

He thinks it comes out meaner than she wanted it to. It’s not something they can understand. Thomas knows he can’t explain it to them.

“Yeah, what’s up? You were in a Maze, locked away from the world. How hard could it have been?” Michael adds.

“Weren’t you three raised in Denver?”

“Yeah, but we still had to deal with the world.” Michael rolls his eyes. “You didn’t.”

“You’re right.” Thomas says. “We didn’t. Instead, we had no memories, creatures roaming the Maze that could put us through the Changing or just kill us. They did, when we escaped. Boys died when we got out of the Maze. It wasn’t a home, it was a trap. A trial. Both Mazes were. We couldn’t leave easily. And then the Scorch— you know, the big desert full of Cranks? It’s not like kids didn’t die there, either. I nearly got blown up, then chased by Cranks, and then shot. And then we find out WCKD has more plans for us. When I say I know what I’m doing, I mean it. If you don’t want to be left behind, keep up.”

He knows that not everyone knows everything about the Maze, about the trials. He’d just thought enough of it was common knowledge that something like this wouldn’t happen. That maybe they had enough decency to not bring up all of that trauma.

Thomas sets a hard pace for the rest of the day—he knows he’s not ready for it, let alone the others who don't have the running experience he does, but he doesn’t care.

Why had he agreed to this?

Even when they settle for the night, things are quiet. He knows the others are talking, maybe about him, but he doesn’t listen for their words. He’s not out here to listen to their judgements, he’s here because they needed supplies and he couldn’t go alone.

Maybe he should break off from the group tomorrow. He could clear the distance between the farthest section of the building a lot faster alone— running— and he could just meet them back here.

Yeah, because that would go over so well when they got back.

His friends are already going to be pissed. It won’t surprise him if Gally and Minho team up to lock him in a cabin.

Turning his back to Michael, Lily, and Tina, Thomas falls asleep.

He’s the first to wake up. If he knew that the others wouldn’t flip out if they woke up to find him gone, he’d go on a run. He doesn’t know them well enough to judge their reactions, and after yesterday, it’s better not to risk it.

Minho, Gally, Sonya, Harriet, even Aris—they would understand.

Instead, he sticks with some stretching and setting out food. They have a lot of ground to cover here today.

There are basic things: a portable medkit, mostly intact, a few carry-on water filters. Easy enough to slide into their bags.

“What are we looking for, exactly?” Tina picks up one of the filters. “These will be helpful and all, but there has to be something bigger.”

That, Thomas isn’t allowed to tell them. It’s why he couldn’t bring his friends.

He’s looking for any files that might still be around. Files about them. WCKD had to have files on them; nothing they did would make sense otherwise. Medical records, their names, anything that he can get his hands on.

“If you find any tech that’s not sparking or otherwise hazardous, grab it. If nothing else we can use it for parts.” Is his answer. “This is a general supply run. Whatever we find will work.” He keeps moving, straying from them as they continue to pick through the rubble. He doesn’t notice when they break for lunch, and they don’t remind him. By the time night falls, he’s out of yelling distance.

It’s fine. He’s found a half-dozen pieces of tech and another salvageable medkit. Tomorrow he’ll let them catch up with him and they’ll continue on a little farther.

The day after that, he’ll send Michael and Lily back and he and Tina will keep going to the farther ruin. There will be something there. He knows it, somehow. Either it’s a memory or just a gut feeling, Thomas is going to follow it.

“Okay, we’ve cleared a lot of ground here. Michael, Lily, I want you to go back and fill Vince and Jorge in. Tina and I will move forward to the next ruin, and they’ll decide whether or not to send anyone else out immediately or wait for us.”

Thankfully, there’s been little conflict between them for the past few days. They eat and work in near-silence.

“How will we know where to go?” Lily asks.

Had they not seen him marking the path every so often?

“I marked the way we came as we went along with this.” He holds up a blue chalk. “Follow those and you’ll be fine. If there were Cranks out here, we would have seen them by now. You’ll get back alright. I know it’s midday, but if we split now we’ll all be that much farther along by nightfall.” Thomas offers Tina a hand up and they start walking.

Maybe he’s making a bad decision sending Lily and Michael back together, but it’s better than risking one of them attacking him or something when they’re alone.

“You don’t think it’s weird that we haven’t seen Thomas in days?” Gally is nearly growling, and he tries to rein himself in.

“We’ve gone days without seeing him before, Gally.” Harriet reminds him. Yeah, but that was before he tried to drown himself. It's different now. Scarier.

“Yes, but one of us always knew where he was then!”

‘I always knew where he was.’ He adds to himself.

“This is different. Jorge and Vince needed him for something, but you’d think we’d still see him around.”

“Not if he went on through the Flat-Trans.” Minho points out. “It’s the most likely option, shank. Not the best one. I don’t know why Thomas wouldn’t have told one of us. Or taken us with him.”

“Because he couldn’t?” Sonya suggests. “Thomas wouldn’t hide something this big unless they told him to.”

“That’s what I’m worried about. He collapsed a few weeks ago. He hasn’t been eating right. He doesn’t know what to do with himself right now and I think this will make it worse.” Thomas had been restless the last time Gally saw him. Gally wouldn’t like it either, not being able to do much, but he doubts he would do… whatever it is Thomas is doing.

“He likes having something to do. It’s how he was in the Glade, too. Waiting is worse on him.”

“I know, Minho, but none of you really saw him when he was just staying in my cabin. There would be days he wouldn’t move unless I moved him. It was scary.”

“I’m sure Thomas is fine, Gally.”

Gally should tell them about the lake. He should tell them about the storm, and about all the scars on Thomas’s body. About the knife he had to take away. About the vials he’d taken and maybe planned on drinking, just to die.

He won’t.

Thomas won’t forgive him for that. They’ve both been talking to Jamie, and she’s helped a lot.

Well, she’s helped Gally, at least. He doesn’t know what Thomas has been saying, if he’s been talking about any of it.

It hasn’t been long enough. Thomas isn’t okay enough, isn’t healthy enough, to go anywhere.

Something’s going to happen. And Gally trusts Thomas. He does.

He trusts Thomas not to hurt himself, not now. He’s been trying.

He doesn’t trust Thomas not to put himself in danger unnecessarily above others because he knows he’ll get hurt or die.

He catches Harriet’s eye and she nods.

She’s the one who knows the most about this, apart from him.

“Gally, I’ll talk to Jorge and Vince with you after dinner.” She says. “Make them tell us where they sent Thomas. They can’t stop us from wanting to know.”

But they can withhold any information they know.

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asleepinawell · 1 year

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this is exactly the sort of question i'm happy to answer. I included a readmore since it got long but I tried to include all the stuff I would want to know in advance

there's obviously going to be differences to all of this depending on what country you live in and what state if you're in the US. i live somewhere with better insurance coverage laws than many places, and the company i work for has made a point of letting us know it's covered by our work insurance. so i'm very lucky on that front and not everyone is. I would recommend looking up the laws where you live so you can tell if anyone is lying to you and denying you coverage/access they're legally required to provide

here's an outline of everything i had to do:

1 - I started out by talking to my regular doctor. I had recently switched to a doctor who listed lgbtq health in her specialties. If you possibly can I would highly recommend trying to find a doctor you feel comfortable with. It can be kind of stressful to switch but it was a huge help for me both for this and that my new doctor helped me with a lot of other health problems my previous doctor hadn't

2 - My regular doctor gave me a referral to a surgeon (plastic surgeon). The referral isn't strictly necessary for me with my insurance, but I felt better getting a referral from a doctor I trusted. If you can't do this, depending on your insurance (if you're in the US at least), you can probably look up available surgeons on your insurance company webpage and take a look at their specialties (you can also potentially see doctor reviews online though i find that people only leave reviews if they're mad about something so it's not always helpful)

3 - I met with the surgeon's assistant who went over all the things I'd need to take care of including having a breast exam, getting clearance from a psychologist/social worker, planning to take medical leave from work, having someone to drive me to and from surgery and help me for the next few weeks. The surgery doctors submitted the claim approval to insurance for me. They also had some initial questions about do I have reference photos, do I want nipple grafts, do I want nipple size reduced. These are good things to think about before you go

4 - The insurance company rejected my claim, which they legally can't. They made a whole fuss about codes etc and in the end the surgery board at my doctor's had to make a meeting with them and hash it out. They took care of this and got it sorted out eventually but it was stressful

5 - I contacted my local lgbtq resource group to get a psychological approval letter for surgery (you should also be able to get this from your psychologist if you have one who you talk to about this). This is a service a lot of groups like this provide for free. It was an interesting experience and a little strange.

They were after some very specific information to establish that I had dysphoria (see the following paragraphs for my thoughts on this), that I was mentally capable of making the decision (bullshit but required), and then the part that I'd say is actually a good thing to have which was making sure I understood how being visibly trans might affect my job/relationships and making sure I had a support system of some kind. They sent me a letter that I sent to my doctor to submit with the insurance coverage claim

They also insistently asked me if I identified as trans, which is a really odd question for me to get. I'm agender and while agender technically falls under both trans (as an umbrella term) and non-binary, I only use agender for myself and only begrudgingly. I don't want a damned gender identity label, that's the whole point! But that's not really what they're interested in and saying "I'm agender" didn't cut it for them. They just want to check the not-cis box so they can write their letter I think. Annoying but whatever

To go into the dysphoria thing a bit, something I ran into multiple times was doctors being astounded that I was not seeing a psychologist for gender dysphoria. This was very unusual based on their experiences. I'm a case where I do have dysphoria but it wasn't causing me crippling depression or anything, it was just constant lowkey discomfort that I didn't know the source of for a long time. Once I knew what it was I was like ah okay makes sense and started thinking about top surgery. I didn't feel the need to discuss it with a doctor because there wasn't anything to discuss. My focus was more on how happy the idea of having surgery made me rather than currently feeling bad about myself. There was a lowkey attitude of why would someone do this if they didn't hate themself??? from a bunch of people. They weren't knowingly being transphobic and no one ever questioned if I should get surgery, it was more a total inability for these particular cis people to comprehend my situation. I mostly found it mildly amusing

6 - Breast exam stuff. I'm including a bunch of details because this part was a little scary. I'm still a little young to be getting a regular one so it was a new experience for me. Nothing terrible but they're gonna smush your boobs in a medical thing to take pictures. They also took reference pictures. Hopefully they don't find anything. In my case there were a couple of what they call "complicated cysts" which meant I needed an ultrasound. In my case it was like a less than 1% chance they were anything bad (they're fairly common) and they gave me the option of either having another ultrasound before surgery or having a biopsy taken. They recommended the former but i went with the latter because I was like I'd rather not have anxiety about this and just know asap. That process involves getting a HUGE needle stuck in your boob (you are pretty numbed up so after the numbing shot you don't feel it) and they take some samples. That all came back normal so I was cleared. Not everyone will have to deal with all that, but it's worth knowing you might have to do some of it

7 - Talked to my brother and asked him to come stay with me for 2 weeks post surgery. It's very very good to have someone stay with you for at least that long. Even a couple days if you can manage it. You're going to feel really fucked up after and not be able to lift your arms or open jars or pick things up (I think it starts at nothing 10lbs or over). I was mostly okay on my own after 2 weeks but had to have someone help me carry a heavy box once

8 - Got surgery scheduled. I had to find a time when my brother could come stay with me and had to wait about 3 months for it to all work out.

9 - A slew of pre-surgery appointments where I talked to the surgeon and got reference photos taken (topless pictures basically) and was told what to expect during and after.

10 - Attempted to figure out the labyrinthine process of getting medical leave approved at my job. This is another one that will obviously vary but oof. Definitely look into this early if you have to do it. I took a month off work. I'd recommend at least that much if you can swing it. They say 2 weeks minimum but I was really grateful for the extra time

11 - You'll have to do some pre-surgery prep. Nothing crazy. Use a body wash the night before and morning of. Don't eat/drink after midnight (most meds okay though)

12 - Got surgery. You will have to talk to ten million doctors on the day of. There are the ones doing the mega numbing stuff, the anesthesiologists, the breathing tube guys, the actual surgeon…it was a parade

13 - I was not in much pain for about 24 hours after surgery and then it kind of hit all at once (I'm guessing stuff wore off). They'll give you oxycodon or something similar which will really help. They'll also give you anitibiotics which made me nauseated and miserable. I stuck to rice for a few days because food looked gross. You may also look kinda gross. Like random lines drawn on you, skin discoloration from medical stuff, random pieces of tape. It's like damn I went through an Experience huh

14 - Post-Surgery care. You'll have a compression vest over the bandages. It's not that comfortable. They may tell you that you can use a binder instead if you have one. The bandages and tape started itching like crazy after a week (my skin hates medical tape).

You'll also have 1-2 wound drains in which look like little plastic grenades. You empty them twice a day and record how much blood/goop comes out (they should give you instructions for this). They come out after 2-3 weeks depending on how much the wounds are still draining. I think it was 3-4 weeks that the bandages came off as well. I still had to wear the compressions vest for 6 weeks total.

Like I mentioned in my other post, getting the bandages off was a bit shocking. Had to process the change for a bit and my mood was all over. More than anything else I think that's what I would have liked to have been prepared for in advance. Like, I completely freaked out for 20 minutes and then was a little weirded out for a day or two and then was completely fine and I'm now super happy. But it was a big holy fuck moment

It's likely you won't be able to shower until the bandages are off/drains are out. I get cranky if I can't wash my hair so I worked it out by putting a raincoat on and carefully washing my hair under the tub faucet (sink might work too but my sink sucks). Better than nothing

Also you have to sleep on your back for a good long while. I'm a stomach sleeper so this was hell for me to adjust to. I'm only just able to go back to sleeping on my stomach now and it's still a little uncomfortable (rapidly improving though)

15 - Got the rest of the stitches out. You have to rub aquaphor or something similar on the wounds twice a day to help them heal. Around 6 weeks they also recommend using silicon strips to help with scarring

I think that's most of it. It was definitely A Lot, but it was stretched out over 7 months at least.

#trying to get long text posts to work on tumblr now is painful :))))#congrats on your blogging site guys!#mp #personal

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twistsandtwizzles · 11 months

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Stars on Mars: Episode 4

Before we begin, a confession: I actually found myself looking forward to watching this episode.

Don’t get me wrong, this show remains one of the dumbest things I have ever seen, and trust me when I say that I have watched a lot of television in my time. But somehow, I have found myself invested in this stupid “experiment,” and I am NOT THRILLED ABOUT IT.

And so this is where we find ourselves as we return to fake Mars this week: Me, now actually caring. You, still reading these recaps, for some reason.

Let’s do this thing.

Shatner welcomes us with a recap of last week’s episode - explosions, fake poop, Richard eliminating himself, and now we have nine celebrities left. And tonight: a double elimination! This is: Starsssss. On Marsssss.

Hab Day 7. We open with a VO from Schwartz: “People of Earth. If you see this, cherish the world around you, okay? Mars is bleak. Empty and vast and cold. It is rugged out here. No matter how bad you think you have it back on Earth, you’re living like a king compared to what life is like here on Mars.”

Look, I appreciate his commitment to the bit.

The cast is in the kitchen commiserating over the lack of variety in food options. “What was for lunch?” Porsha asks.

“Same thing, different day,” Adam replies. “I just can’t have another piece of cured meat.” He later adds that he put barbecue sauce on whatever he had this time, “and it tasted . . . different, anyway.”

Ronda and Tinashe both give talking heads about how difficult it is mentally right now, that the mood is tense and people are a bit over this whole thing. Ronda says she knows that movement helps and that she loves to train people.

Porsha has asked Ronda to learn some wrestling moves, and we’re treated to a montage of Ronda and Porsha doing some WWE-style fighting while Adam, Natasha, and Ariel cheer them on. Porsha is having a GREAT time. “I know I looked bad ass,” Porsha says in her talking head. “So make sure you all air-drop me the footage, because that’s going to be bragging rights when I get back to Earth.”

The alarm blares, which means it’s time to choose a new base commander. Adam tells us that at this point in the experiment, “It’s time to have a little strategy.” What that means is forming more alliances - and he wants in with Ronda.

We cut back to the common area where the group has gathered to select their new commander. “I have an idea,” Adam says to everyone, standing and raising his hand. “And my idea is I think Ronda should be the base commander.”

“What?” Ronda asks. “Why?”

Porsha’s talking head tells us that Ronda is extremely strong and powerful, but is also soft and genuine, and that those are the type of people you want to be around. Adam is telling the group basically the same thing - that Ronda is a leader, and that this would be a good morale boost for her. Ronda looks genuinely moved.

Tinashe chimes in that she also thinks Adam would be a good base commander, which Natasha echoes.

Then it’s Lance’s turn for a talking head, but before I get to what he is saying I just have to say fuck this guy!!!!! In case you missed it this week, Lance Armstrong decided it was time for him to comment on the subject of “trans athletes and fairness in sports.” I’ll let Sports Illustrated summarize why concern about “fairness in sports” is mighty rich to hear from one of the world’s most famous cheaters. And of course that is not even getting into the fact that we all know that this current “debate” about trans athletes has nothing to do about fairness and everything to do with bigotry. I’m mad we have to keep looking at this man’s dumb face. (Tldr; Screw you, Lance Armstrong!)

Anyway Lance says that he sees alliances forming and he thinks it’s “annoying” and shut up, Lance.

The group takes a public vote and elects Ronda base commander.

Marshawn gets his first talking head in quite some time and notes that the “cliques” are forming: there's Adam, Tinashe, and Ariel; there's Lance, Marshawn, and Ronda; and then Schwartz and Natasha are “swing votes.”

Lady Hab Voice reports that sensors have detected a potential “contaminant” in the hab. Time to clean! They discover a “Martian cockroach” on the ground, which Lance picks up and taunts Ariel with. Ariel does NOT love this, and she tells him that she will “literally kick (him) in the balls.” He of course finds this very funny.

Lance is facetiming his son and introduces him to Marshawn. Marshawn tells the kid that all his dad does is fart all day. This is not going to be the first reference to Lance passing gas in this episode and why is this man so rude and gross and I just really hate him.

Lance’s son asks him, “Do people there like you?” and WOW this is quite the question for a 13-year-old to ask their father! Lance says that Marshawn and Tom like him.

The next morning, Schwartz and Adam are in the kitchen. “Adam, how are your spirits today?” Schwartz asks.

“High as usual,” Adam replies. “How are yours?”

“Like a seven out of ten,” says Schwartz. He tells the camera that he came “up to Mars” (once again NO ONE is more dedicated to the fiction they are actually on Mars than Tom Schwartz) to get a fresh mindset. He then describes Scandoval thusly, and those of you who watch Vanderpump will have to let me know if this is how he comes across on that show or if he’s working a new angle for a new audience: “This thing with my friend back on Earth was just incredibly messed up. The Sandoval stuff is a terrifying monster that’s taken on a life of its own now, and it’s having a terrible impact on my focus, on my morale. I did not have an affair; I am not him; and it’s just so strange that I’ve been absolutely mired in this.”

In the kitchen, Schwartz tells Adam that his mind wanders back to Earth a lot. Adam tells Schwartz, “If I am somewhere, I am fully there” which makes sense because that mindset is a necessity for an elite athlete. Schwartz says he wishes he was more like that.

Lady Hab Voice introduces the crew to a second robot dog and a drone. Miraculously it appears the first robot dog (now named Marsha) survived being left alone on the surface of Mars last week. Two crew members - Ronda assigns Marshawn and Lance - are supposed to go outside and fly the drone, and everyone else is going to work with the two robot dogs.

The group brainstorms names for the new robot dog. “Marsha and Jan?” Adam suggests, to chuckles.

“What’s the closest planet to Mars?” Porsha asks.

“Earth,” Adam answers.

“Oh,” Porsha says, then pauses a moment. “Eartha?” The group likes that. So we have our two robot dogs, Marsha and Eartha.

One of these dogs is apparently controlled via AI, and the other with a remote control. Tinashe, a self-professed gamer, takes the controller and has no problem. Ariel takes the remote and almost immediately runs the dog into a wall.

“This is what happens when you put legs on a VCR,” Adam says, and I laughed.

Schwartz is able to repair the damage to which he says, “I guess I’m the first veterinarian on Mars,” which is also a pretty good line.

Outside Marshawn and Lance are flying the drone. Marshawn has flown a drone before so this is pretty easy. The guys solidify their alliance up there - Lance says he’s in it for the long haul, and Marshawn promises that he’ll be there next to him. “There are people in there that nag a lot,” Marshawn tells Lance. “And I think they are going to nag themselves right back to Earth.”

Inside, Porsha and Adam are hanging out on the couch. “Look at my hands,” Adam says sadly, holding them out to Porsha.

She laughs. “Oh you’ve been so busy.”

“I’m going to start crying,” Adam continues.

“Everyone has to cry on Mars,” Porsha says easily.

They are interrupted by an alarm: an alien life form has been detected inside the hab! The group has to use two UV lights to find the signs of alien life inside the walls. They find it in the kitchen - the walls are covered with some sort of “contaminant.”

Shatner time! He tells the group that they have discovered “life on Mars,” and they all cheer. Then Shatner tells them they have to “ruthlessly annihilate it.”

“No!” Ronda says, and Schwartz asks, “what if it’s not hostile?” Which . . . this is maybe a good question but also I’ve seen all the Alien movies and if you wait around to see if it’s hostile or not you’re already dead. So I get where Shatner is coming from here.

Shatner also tells the crew that after this mission TWO people will be extracted. They are dismayed, and I’m dismayed that the show ruined this reveal for us at the top of the episode because it would have actually been a nice twist here. But whatever! I’m not a television producer, I’m just some idiot who decided that she’d take it upon herself to write too-detailed recaps of a reality show that maybe ten people in the world are even watching.

“I hope you know your way around a flame thrower,” are Shatner’s final words to the crew.

“Oh yeah,” Marshawn says. “I want to set some shit on fire.”

“I don’t get to use the flame thrower?!?!” Ronda asks in despair.

Ronda asks if anyone really wants to be the mission specialist. Porsha volunteers because she wants to be safe from elimination. Ronda: “Do you want to be safe or do you want to be mission specialist? Because I want everyone to be in their best job.” She picks Ariel for the role, Ariel’s second consecutive week in that position.

Everyone except for Ariel and Ronda suits up and heads to the surface. The mission parameters: they take the rovers to some caves, where space command has discovered the fungus originated. They will split into two teams and be directed by Ariel and Ronda to the “mother fungus” where they will use their flame throwers to destroy it. Then they have to get out of the cave and back to their rovers before their “oxygen” runs out. They have half an hour.

The group makes their way from the rovers to the cave. Marshawn burps and Adam says “thank god there’s not a speaker on Lance’s ass or we’d hear him farting the whole time.”

Team B (Marshawn, Porsha, Natasha) enters the cave first. Porsha notes that she’s on a team with two “bottom dwellers.” Marshawn is carrying the flame thrower, to his delight.

Team A (Adam, Tom, Lance, Tinashe) goes next. Adam says it was so dark he couldn’t see anything. “I was just trying to hold flashlights and look busy but I could have had my eyes closed the entire time and it wouldn’t have made a difference.” Tom has a flashlight but is in the back, so both flashlight men are being fairly useless, and eventually Tinashe takes Adam’s flashlight “because someone has to lead.”

Team B is lost. There are fourteen minutes left before they run out of oxygen. Finally Team A finds the “mother fungus” and soon Team B does too. Marshawn takes out his flamethrower: “Say hello to my little friend.” Lance gets to work the flame on behalf of Team A. The fungus is destroyed.

Both teams cheer, until Ronda reminds them that they only have five minutes to get out of the caves and back to the rover. “Start jogging, guys.”

Ronda is especially stressed about the success of this mission - as commander a mission failure puts her up for elimination, and with two people going home she is sure that she would be one of them. Unfortunately for Ronda, her crew is taking its sweet time getting out of the cave. Tom keeps getting lost; Natasha is barely moving.

The group finally gets out of their cave, and think they’ve succeeded, but Ariel reminds them that they have to get up a hill to their rovers. No one - the pro athletes included - are thrilled about having to sprint up a hill wearing their space suits and gear.

Natasha says that apart from giving birth, this experiment is the hardest thing she’s ever done. Porsha says that she doesn’t think she’ll make it; Lady Hab Voice informs us that oxygen levels are critically low.

Lance and Adam both grab one of Natasha’s arms and hustle her along. “Who knew all you needed to have is two world class athletes on either side of you to make it up a small hill,” she says. The three of them are the first back to the rover, where they plug in their “supplemental oxygen” to their suits and wait for the others.

The remaining four crew members are still a ways behind. “You guys are fucking walking, run your ass!” Ronda yells through her headset.

“I’m going to have a heart attack,” Porsha pants.

Twenty seconds left. “You’re going to DIE are you fucking kidding me??” Ronda shouts, as we cut to commercial.

“I can’t breathe,” Tinashe says.

Tom gets there with ten seconds left. The final three attach to oxygen just as time expires. It’s close enough that Ronda and Ariel genuinely can’t tell if the mission was completed or not until Lady Hab Voice confirms: Mission Success. Everyone cheers.

“I know the double elimination is coming up but there wasn’t anything I could have done differently,” Adam says in VO. “I truly couldn’t see a thing.”

In hab mission command, a message from Shatner. “How is he not wrinkled?” Ronda asks. “He has fewer wrinkles than me and he’s ninety.”

“He’s got to get botox,” Ariel confirms.

Also can we talk about this “space command” set that Shatner is sending his videos from? On the desk behind him is a vase of flowers, a pair of scissors, a to-go cup of coffee, three red rotary phones, and two computers that look like they were props from Apollo 13. What exactly is the vibe they are going for, here? Did Shatner get to design the set himself? Also on the wall is a map . . . of Earth. Why does space command need a map of Earth on the wall while leading a mission to Mars? What is HAPPENING??

Anyway. Elimination time. Ariel and Ronda put their heads together to figure out who should stay or leave. “Natasha had a hard time, although she worked her ass off,” Ariel says.

Ronda agrees, then notes, “Porsha did a great job making sure they didn’t get lost.”

“Yes,” Ariel says, then pauses. “Well, they did get lost.”

They come to their decision. They call in the mission critical one by one - Tinashe, followed by Marshawn, Lance, and Porsha. That means that Natasha, Adam, and Schwartz are in the bottom three this week. They give each other a big hug.

“It makes sense for me to be in the bottom three with all these dark challenges,” Adam says.

Tom shakes his head vehemently. “You crushed it today!”

“So did you guys,” Adam replies.

The bottom three line up to plead their cases. Schwartz goes first. “I have been plagued with BTE (Bottom Three Energy) ever since I got here,” he begins. “But every morning I wake up and I’m surrounded by greatness. I’ve been like a sponge absorbing greatness. If you guys decide that I can stay I will step up. And I will bring it.”

The group downstairs agrees that Schwartz is kind of useless, but that they all like him.

Next up: Adam. “I think that I should stay because I bring a lot of, like, flair,” he begins. “And at the end I did run up fast.” (“That counts,” Ariel says. “That absolutely does.”)

“I don’t think I really have a case for being mission critical,” Adam admits in his talking head. “But I nominated Ronda to be base commander. So I hope that is going to help me in the end.”

Inside, Tinashe says that Adam was amazing the day before with the biodome challenge, and that he still has a lot of energy and wants to be there. “And also he brings up our attractive average,” Ariel adds.

When it is Natasha’s turn, she gets on her knees: “Please, please, please let me leave Mars. To be honest, I’ve already called my uber. I’m four foot eleven, I’m never going to do a push up, please let me leave.”

“I feel like at this point it’s not picking people that have to go, it’s more process of elimination of people who have to stay,” Ronda says. The group agrees, and they call the final mission critical crew member in:

“Welcome back to the hab, Adam.”

“Adam is definitely a team player,” Ronda says. “And he’s really great at making sure that everyone else is doing well and supporting them.”

The team says goodbye to Schwartz and Natasha. Tom says he feels lighter on his feet, and that his mind has been reset and reenergized. Natasha says she’s tired.

The remaining crew is getting ready for bed but are surprised by an alert from space command: “Resupply mission inbound.” The group is thrilled to be getting more supplies - but then, twist!

“Crew aboard: four,” the message continues, to the gasps and screams of our remaining seven astronauts.

“We have four new people coming to Mars,” Adam says. “So anything - ANYTHING - can happen.”

And on that note, we’re out.

Next week on Stars on Mars: The resupply shuttle crashes, and our heroes have to go rescue their new colleagues. (Porsha: “What if one of them is a chef!!”)

#adam rippon #stars on mars #recaps

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cacklefrendly · 4 months

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Hi this th same anon who ask for gin and vodka hc and thank you for answer first and you say you have more hc about the two not as a duo so spill the hc i will enjoy hearing you rant about them ofc if you want and about the compliment you're welcome

anon i would've answered more quickly but the weather has been Too Cold to do anything but hibernate. i refuse to let that stop me.

here have a song that's in my Vesper Cocktail playlist — "Slaughterhouse Floor" by Skippocalyptic:

Be thou flesh of my flesh, and I’ll be the house that you haunt Lay down your neck for my blade, and I’ll be what you want And I can’t seem to imagine, perfect love But I have to imagine That it’s blood, blood, blood

ok more headcanons YIPPEE—

GIN:

He's always just a bit sleep-deprived and just a bit under-weight. It’s perfectly understandable given his job but the 'tism isn't helping him any.

Gin is trans, and transitioned after he got his first codename (Kina Lillet, as previously mentioned). Turns out that the Black Organization already has paperwork ready for name changes!! Black Org. says Trans Wrongs. He doesn't see his old codename as a deadname, but he's so comfortable with 'Gin' that he considers that to be his real name. The only reason he doesn't talk about the old codename is that he and Vermouth had a couple one-night stands while he was Kina but she doesn't know that was HIM and he would like to KEEP IT THAT WAY—

For dysphoria-related reasons he used to keep his hair short religiously. When he got De-Titted he started letting it go a bit longer between cuts. Then the T started really kicking in as he was climbing the B.Org’s ranks and he decided “gender norms are simply another law to be broken over my knee” and from then on only ever trims the ends. As he should.

Gin does Not play video games. He’s never even played Portal. It’s one of his more glaring flaws as a person.

Silver is his natural hair color! He used to dye it darker, but he stopped when it was getting too long to be worth maintaining. He’ll go through the hassle if he REEEEEEALLY NEEDS TO for undercover shit but he only uses temporary dyes. And tries not to leave the house until it’s gone.

Speaking of his hair, again, 90% of the people who end up fighting Gin hand-to-hand go for his hair. Which is a trap! He’s specifically trained himself to break out of hair grabs — or use them to his advantage, which is way more fun for him.

He's actually pretty calm and laid-back when he's not on-the-job. In the same sense that lions and wolves are kinda lazy when they're not hunting. Predators need to conserve their energy! Of course the SECOND he has an assignment he is 100% in Murder Mode.

VODKA:

First and most importantly: Vodka wears Doc Martens. Because he deserves it. He mostly wears work-appropriate ones — Oxford-style, black stitching, little-to-no heel. Actually just. THESE ONES — but he owns a selection with high-heels and/or platforms. (the first time he struts walks out in THESE Gin’s like “firstly you’re taller than me and that’s unacceptable. i trusted you. but secondly God-Damn,”)

As I’ve said (and drawn) before, Vodka can sing. Because I deserve it. He likes to change the lyrics to make songs gay. Also because I deserve it.

Before Vodka was codenamed, while he was working for one of the Black Org's front businesses, while he still wasn't privy to any super illegal information (rather, wasn't SUPPOSED to be, but he’s not stupid and could tell that numbers weren’t adding up the way they were supposed to), he was kidnapped along with three coworkers. The kidnappers were part of a decent-sized rival group looking to get some dirt to force the Black Org. out of their territory (not knowing exactly what they were getting into) by interrogating its employees. One by one, all of his coworkers cracked and admitted that they didn’t know anything. So they were killed. Vodka didn't tell his captors a damn thing, so they concluded that he must have access to important information. They kept him alive and quickly moved from interrogation to torture — but Vodka lasted long enough for the Black Org. to track the threat down and kill them. His secret? the only thing he let himself think about was a song, one he'd kept hearing when he hung around his superiors' offices: Seven Children. By the time he should've cracked, the only thing he had the presence of mind left to do was sing. The incident got him codenamed, and he’s proud of himself for it, but in particularly high-stress situations you might hear him singing under his breath — "Cute, cute," The mother crow sings. "Cute, cute."

Yknow how in like every movie with the Black Org. the team has some Super Expensive New Toy (spy plane, submarine, ect.) that is absolutely going to be Blown The Fuck Up by the end? While the movies technically don’t exist, i 1000% believe that Vodka is extremely good at convincing The Boss and the people in charge of weapons distribution that Gin’s team should totally get a shiny new toy to play with, thank you. He presents the keys to the newest Vehicle For Manslaughter and watches Chianti and Gin vibrate with excitement like two grayhounds you just asked "wanna go for a walk?"

#gin detective conan #vodka detective conan #detective conan #cackle rants #my sister sent me that song and i was just like. hey. HEY. this is some Good Shit right here #i'd go so far to say that it's a fine addition to my collection #in my head the 'she' in the song is Vodka so the singer's POV is Gin

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youremyonlyhope · 5 months

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The Giggle

Final Fourteen episode*. If I've added an asterisk it means that I correctly interpreted the vague spoiler I saw and am not happy. (Edit: Yep added the asterisk.)

Anyway. I'm just glad this means we'll finally get Gatwa!Doctor. We should have had him already.

Also forgot to put this in the last post. But. Pandemonium, the world ending, people going insane, and a Toymaker. My prediction for the plot of this episode: StarKid's Black Friday.

Sorry, all I can hear is Barney Stinson. I'm sure he did a bad German accent at some point in HIMYM. I like dolls but these puppets are creepy even to me. "Sunnier climes" OH, SO HE'S A RACIST. Hey dude. Tell Baird about the human hair before it blows up. "Imagine if it could talk." No no no. Be careful what you wish for.

Something I forgot to say much much earlier. I don't know how I feel about the intense zoom-in on the TARDIS in the opening sequence. It's almost a Torchwood level of dramatic zoom.

Very carefully not showing us Wilf's face. I wouldn't have wanted Bernard present for all this chaos either though. I'm sorry. UNIT has an Avenger's Tower now? I don't like that. I liked the Tower of London. But I guess Kate wanted to make sure they definitely didn't get shut down again. I was chanting "Slap him, slap him, slap him" as Kate walked up and when she hugged him I said "Aww" in disappointment. Oh Mel! I had been vaguely spoiled of her showing up too. RTD2, I would have preferred an Old Who companion showing up in the 60th special episode that was closest to the actual 60th, but oh well I guess I should be happy we got something Old Who at all since this really was getting close to being a purely RTD focused anniversary. "The pilot declared his right to land wherever he wanted." Greaaat. Sounds like an average day here in 'Murica honestly. "Why should I care about you?" I mean look everything I've ever seen of the Tories tells me that's just what they're like anyway. What is a Vlinx and why is it here and why do we trust it? I don't trust it. Ah. Bad idea to deactivate it for even more than a couple words honestly. So is everyone just prejudiced now? Like the racist toymaker?

TRINITY WELLS!!!!! NO WAY. NO. WAY. THEY GOT MY GIRL TRINITY BACK ON MY TV!?!?!?! THAT'S MY GIRL RIGHT THERE. I LOVE HER. Ohhhh Trinity deserves the big font for that.

I've found the one bit of RTD era nostalgia that instantly gets to me. Have Trinity Wells show up. I guess this is how everyone else has felt the last few episodes. Not even Wilf got that reaction out of me. I literally just SCREAMED "Trinity Wells!" Out loud. I can't even be mad she's spewing stupidity and is "anti-Zeedex" I am just happy to see her. That's my girl.

If nothing else comes from this episode, if I don't care about anything else, I got to see Trinity Wells again. Ok that really made me so happy just now. The Trinity Wells Show. Really showing us it's her. Ahhh I love her. Seriously I'm reacting the way I probably would have reacted if they ever acknowledged Frobisher during Twelve's era. Only Martha showing up could get a bigger reaction out of me right now. Truly that was a cameo aimed at me and only me it feels like. So like the Master's network? "It's not like the old Archangel Network." Ok never mind. Oh so Rose only came out as trans 6 months ago. I WAS GONNA SAY THAT THE CHILDREN'S VOICES WE HEARD BEFORE THE TIME-SKIP WAS MY VOCAL WARMUPS. God I need to write things down when I think of them. NOOO. I THINK I KNEW ABOUT THE FIRST TV VIDEO BEING A PUPPET OR SOMETHING. THIS SOUNDS FAMILIAR. I don't mean to be That Person but the whole human race isn't connected by Internet yet. We still got uncontacted/limited contact tribes and groups all over the place. Hundreds if not thousands of people who have never seen a screen. Oh yeah! They're President of the World!

(I took way too long searching to find that specific gif. But I love that gif so much.)

"120 plus five weeks holiday." "Done." YAS GET THAT MONEY DONNA. Also find Martha to see if she's still freelance or not. "So you talk about no one. Ever." I don't mean to quote Jack Harkness, but not if they're blonde... Doctor. You are. Avoiding. Still so much Thirteen in you. NOPE. LOL at them having to use basically refurbished still images from the lost episodes. BBC, this is only the fault of your own that they're missing. I hope you two have learned from last episode to STAY TOGETHER. Rules of play. Lawless. Hmm. So the Toymaker made everyone act like kids where the world revolves around them and only them? WHAT DID I SAY. STAY. TOGETHER. Oh no he's way too light. That was way too heavy for the Doctor to lift. Who's your mummy? Not an Empty Child reference just me being convinced his mummy is going to be someone. Oh nooooo not the "mama" and the teeth. OH RECAP TIME. Is this because they know a bunch of people skipped Twelve and Thirteen and even Eleven? Oh well. At least some acknowledgement. Still wish it was in the first of the specials but ok. "Oh, well, that's all right then." Ok look Toymaker has got a point for those three "surviving" but dying. Why only reference the Flux and nothing else Thirteen went through? Part of me is upset at no mention of the Fam and Dan, not even at least Yaz since Fourteen would have seen her only days earlier, but Thirteen had a clean track record of companions surviving so it's ok. Ok NPH's using his Barney magic trick skills ok. I see you. What do you mean a jigsaw of the Doctor's history? WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT. PLEASE BE A REFERENCE TO THE ORIGINAL OLD WHO EPISODE. DON'T BE A HINT THAT RTD2 IS GOING TO TRY TO RETCON THE TIMELESS CHILD. JUST LET IT BE. I'm sorry the Master is in your WHAT. "The one who waits." Amy? Rory? They both waited. "That's someone else's game." huh. Sorry, all I see is Barney Stinson even in the mannerisms. I was wondering why if they went back in time that things would still be bad in the future. Since if they fixed it in 1925 it wouldn't happen. The Toymaker wouldn't be there. But no wibbly wobbly timey wimey just a different order. They should take the little toy box. Oh good took it. Don't you dare kill of Mel right here while she's watching the box. Don't you dare. I haven't even seen any of her episodes but I swear if you kill her.... WHAT. IS. THE. VLINX. THOUGH. Hey Doctor, at least tell Kate what you're up against. I was about to say that NPH was pretty perfect casting for a role like this, then the Toymaker threw Kate into a wall and too I'm mad now. DON'T HURT MEL TOO. Oh no. Kateeee I love you I do but listen to him ok? NOW you tell her about the Toymaker. Maybe some warning next time? Eh. He can shoot it. I didn't like this new UNIT building anyway. This is very Christmas Invasion. [thud] [glass shattering] OK that was dark. Wait celestials were a thing in Do You Hear Me? right? "And yet, I have fallen in love with humanity." Really hitting the nail on the "just like the Doctor" head here. OH. WOW. OOOOOOOOOOH. Next Doctor. Oooooooooooh. "It doesn't matter who. Because every single one of you is fantastic" RTD2 that better be a purposeful Nine reference though I know it's not. Don't you dare say "I don't want to go." for the third time. "Allons-y." Ok I'll accept that.

NO. NOT AGAIN. WE ARE NOT DOING ANOTHER TEN REGENERATION FAKE OUT. NO.

"What?" No. Nope. The spoiler came true and I am not happy about it. Time to add that asterisk. No. Is he not even wearing pants? Oh but I love Gatwa as the Doctor already so much. He's here. Oh Fifteen (fine I will say the number. I think this is the first time) gets to keep the tie. I meant to say I liked the grey knit tie earlier like 2 episodes ago. And the shoes. Oh and Ten's in an undershirt, I thought the shirt multiplied somehow just to not leave Fifteen totally naked. "Someone tell me what the hell is going on here?" I am so happy to see you. Why must your first scene involve you not wearing pants though? The disrespect. "I think you're beautiful." "Do you come in a range of colors?" "Yes." I... do not know how I feel about that line. I really don't like that Fifteen has to LITERALLY share his start with Fourteen. I was saying it when Gatwa was first announced as Fourteen and then not Fourteen because then Tennant got announced. And now it's literally happening. They're sharing the lines, the scene, 1 of 3 specials. Really more like half a special if we're being generous. I really wish we had just not done this Tenthree thing at all. See even Fourteen got to say "I'm the Doctor" first while Fifteen said "And I'm the Doctor." like. Come on. At least let Fifteen have that first line. HEY. THE CAPTIONS SAY [TENTH DOCTOR] NOT FOURTEENTH. SO WHICH IS IT. WHAT IS THE TRUTH. DOES THIS NOT COUNT?

Ok seriously. Give the man some pants. Like come on.

Eeek did he have too many teeth? He looked like he had too many teeth. Flat, 2D, like Flatline? "My legions are coming." Ok and that means... Oooh I did not like that the laugh's arpeggio didn't resolve. "And bind it in salt." SO. IS THIS SALT THING. REALLY A THING NOW? REALLY? Or is it just because the Doctor mentioned the whole salt thing being the leak that let the Toymaker in? And what about mavity? There's 15 minutes. The ball fell but did it hit the ground yet? Gravity? Maybe the game didn't end? The Doctor kissed themself. Not in the way the Master did but still.

Give him some pants please.

NO. NO. NOT ANOTHER LADY WITH RED NAILS PICKING UP SOMETHING THAT HAS THE MASTER INSIDE IT. NO. SERIOUSLY RTD WHY ARE WE DOING THINGS OVER? Unless it's Dhawan!Master. Then I will accept that. I will gladly have Dhawan!Master back. BUT OTHERWISE NO. I REFUSE. Why is Fourteen explaining this to Fifteen, he should remember it since he's him. Like come on. "This is great. I think. Is it?" That was a Thirteenism right there. "One thing you need in this place is a chair." see that's the Doctor channeling Bill judging Twelve not having chairs close enough to the console. "Adric." "Adric." ADRICCCCCC. Seriously that hurts me and like I said I haven't even watched that part of Old Who. God. Stop bringing up Rose come on. OH WAIT. WAIT.

WAIT.

"I loved her. And Rose." OH MY GOD. I hate Tenrose but even I'M freaking out that the Doctor just admitted to loving Rose out loud. OH MY GOD. I mean still fanservice pandering. But FINE. Fine. Tenrose shippers take this one I'm giving it to you. I got so distracted by my annoyance at the still constant bringing up of Rose I almost missed the weight of what that meant. Still mad about the Rose-colored-glasses of the RTD era but good for you guys getting this.

Mavic Chen? Remind me to look that up it sounds really familiar. Ah, wish I didn't look it up, gotta love that 60s racism. Rehab in reverse. So you're saying we're gonna check back in on Fourteen in the future and he'll properly regenerate and/or kind of pop into existence in the moment that Fifteen bi-generated? Maybe? Hopefully? God if I had a nickel for every time RTD had a second Doctor separate from the main Doctor and had Tennant's face stay on Earth with a companion, I'd have two nickels. Don't you dare split the TARDIS too. That's too much. I assume this hammer is an Old Who reference. If so, very cute. They split the TARDIS. And Fifteen gets the second TARDIS. I can't really describe my mood besides -_- "I am so sorry." Yeah you better apologize to her. Ok that's cute the ramp. Why the jukebox though. Traditional Earth ballad? If Billie Piper shows up I'm literally stomping across the pond to RTD's house and killing him because that'll officially be Too Much. I can't even be completely happy at Gatwa's first proper TARDIS flight. "You weren't going to leave without saying goodbye were you?" Of course he was. Ask Sarah Jane. ASK SUSAN. "As if I would ever do that." At least you're self aware. Have these two been the first Doctors to hug? So Fifteen tells people he loves them. Willingly. Openly. Frequently. And a lot. I like that. (Yes Fourteen said he loved Wilf and River but shhh that was over the course of days. Fifteen has said I love you twice in like 3 minutes and was very affectionate to Mel)

Can we PLEASE put this man in some pants though!?

The little 2-finger salute from Fourteen is cute though. "The eyebrow story." TWELVE? Nope an alien species. "Oh, you're family, darling. Sit down." AWWWW. AWWWWWW MEL GETS A FAMILY. Ok. Ok that's really sweet. That's what I care about. Not even Tenthree/Fourteen getting a family. Mel gets one. Empty chair. It's for Wilf yes but let me pretend Martha's just running late to dinner ok? Ok. "I've never been so happy in my life." That's good. Fifteen really split off from Fourteen and was like "Ok you carry all the trauma and deal with it. I'm gonna keep running away."

I knew the Vlinx was voiced by Nicholas Briggs. What IS the Vlinx though? Because I really was waiting for it to be like a plant by the Toymaker.

God I can't believe we're really gonna do the same thing all over again with the Master. Like I said, if it's Dhawan!Master then I'm overjoyed. If it's another, I'm not as happy. I'm hoping that because it was the same way Simm!Master had came back as himself, it means Dhawan!Master will too. We'll see. And who grabbed the tooth this time? At least last time the ring was in a forest. I could believe someone was nearby to take it. But they're on a HELICOPTER LANDING PAD. In the secure UNIT building. Seriously who picked up the tooth?

GIVE. MY MAN. SOME PANTS. I feel so insulted that Gatwa spent all of his moments in his first episode IN HIS UNDERWEAR.

The absolute highlight of the episode was seeing Trinity Wells. Literally the most excited I've been about any of these fanservice moments. That feels like it was fanservice just aimed directly at me. As if RTD2 was like "Hope's not gonna enjoy this. What can we do? No no I'm not bringing back Martha. Oh! Trinity Wells!"

*Asterisk time! I can only hope that Fourteen is just another Tentoo and will live and die a normal human life but that's not what seems to be the case. I don't like that there's just another Doctor floating around. I had been spoiled for it. I hoped I had misunderstood the post since I hadn't properly finished reading it once I realized it was a spoiler. But I interpreted it correctly. If it ends up being that Fourteen does eventually regenerate and kind of hops back into the moment the body splits into Fourteen and Fifteen, then fine. But like. Otherwise, if there's now just a separate branch of Doctors and regenerations and then Fifteen technically has to share the title of Fifteen with whoever regenerates from this Fourteen then I will be so mad. Is this Fourteen really Fourteentoo? Or Tenfour. CAN WE JUST STOP REGENERATING INTO DAVID TENNANT AT THIS POINT. Just have him come back as Ten, he doesn't need to be three maybe FOUR different Doctors!

Oh my god. If RTD2 pulls a "Fugitive!Doctor is actually a Doctor AFTER Fourteen and regenerated and forgot everything and then met Thirteen" instead of being a pre-First Doctor then I'll actually riot. If that's the meaning of the jigsaw of their history, I'm really gonna actually riot.

Of the 3 specials. The Meep was eh. It was fine. Pure nostalgia and a nightmare fuel alien monster of the week. However, I REALLY enjoyed Wild Blue Yonder. That was right up my alley combining aspects of a lot of my favorite past episodes. And the Giggle was fine. Better than the Meep, definitely. I love Fifteen. I'm mad about the bi-generation thing. I would have preferred if after the Toymaster was gone for a bit that Fourteen got sucked back into Fifteen or something as a way of the Universe correcting itself. I'm mad that for most of Fifteen's scenes, it felt more like he was Fourteen's companion. Not the next Doctor. ALSO WHY COULDN'T WE GIVE FIFTEEN SOME PANTS PLEASE. AT LEAST IN THE LATER SCENES.

Also is it still mavity? Did Donna really just ruin all of human history with that one joke?

Oh I just started proofreading and I realize my prediction of Black Friday was wrong. I really thought the Toymaker was gonna make everyone go crazy over a puppet toy.

GIVE FIFTEEN SOME PANTS.

#hope watches doctor who #dw spoilers #doctor who spoilers #the giggle #my non-spoiler verdict: pants #also: a cameo that only i would freak out over #(no it's not the obvious person who you think it is. if it had been i'd be a crying mess probably)

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