#I hate Lana but i do see the vision here

[swifty-fox]

Hey babes I don’t know where else to drop this but it’s been knawing at me for the past day, how Gale is so dealer by Lana del ray coded it’s insane. How it’s kinda the perspective of his relationship with his father, as seen here

“Give you all my money, give you all my money, give you all my money

I don’t wanna live

I don’t wanna give you nothing

Cause you never give me nothing back

Why can’t you be good for something

Not one shirt off your back”

and how it could be somewhat interpreted to be his and Buckys relationship in Young!Vets AU with Bucky struggling with his addictions, but it’s so hard for Gale to not see his own father in Bucky, seeing the spiral he’s falling down.

“Please don’t try my father either

He ain’t been home in years

I know I’m no spirit seeker

I can’t sleep through the tears

I get lost in the ether”

And in how the weight of buckys drinking has been tearing him apart, wanting to help his lover but it’s just as much of a struggle for him cause he’s been on the receiving end of an alcoholic, the trauma that was inflicted on him because of his fathers drinking.

But that’s just my two cents sorry for rambling 😭😭

please always come ramble I love hearing y'alls thoughts!!!

tagging @bcolfanfic because Young Vets!

We have talked a lot actually about during his intervention and the months around it how Gale REALLY starts questioning how he ended up in this situation despite everything he told himself. I think at one point I had Gale say something like

"If I wanted to marry my father I could have gone to any bar in town." which is pretty harsh but not necessarily untrue. While John isn't violent like Gale's father those sort of childhood scars don't go away.

But also to some degree you also become kind of numb, or your perception of what alcoholism is becomes very skewed towards the extreme when you grow up like that. You only see one kind of alcoholism as REAL alcoholism and I could absolutely see Gale hiding behind that for a long time. It's not a real issue because John would never hit him.

It could def take an outside perspective in some ways, Curt or Cros or Demarco maybe to really say "Gale this is a problem, this isn't a safe environment for you and you deserve to get out if he doesn't change" To validate those fears that Gale doesn't want to address, that he wants to reason away.

It's something I address heavily in my fic, Kingdom for a Kiss, Gale convincing himself John isn't his father but also frequently triggered by him and his habits around alcohol. It's a delicate balancing act of logic and understanding.

this song is about alcoholism and i feel it fits John very well. This whole album tbh as it deals with alcoholism and addiction

[0xstarzx0]

DARK RED PT2

Rafe Cameron S3x Reader

{OPEN COMMAND}

[English is not my native language❗️❗️]

synopsis: 2 months after her abduction, the life Y/N had hoped for is not at all what she wanted.

tw: mention of murder, blame for the victim, domestic violence, violence, rejection, insult.

______________________________________________

[PT1]

You and your family had been living in Guadeloupe for two months.

Everything had gone back to the way it was, Bland and sad.

despite the fact that you and Rafe lived under the same roof, he was always busy. He only saw you very rarely, in the evening when you are waiting for him to brush your teeth and sleep, when he wakes you up because he is in you or when he decides to eat with you and his family.

Anyway, Rafe had to take care of his family again, and you hated Ward for it.

Rafe was a boy who always needs to prove that he can do better than others. If he has to kill himself at work, of course he will.

And because of that you and Rafe were arguing several times. Rafe didn’t want to take time for you and you, you didn’t want Rafe to stay all day until 11:00pm in his office.

You would often end up crying or Rafe would fuck you for hours and hours. Forcing you to apologize in his place because of the overstimulation.

________________________________________

Tonight was no exception, you and Rafe had argued the night before, you cried all night in silence, Rafe had been asleep for a long time when you were asleep.

You were sitting on the bed when you waited for him to finish his job. He came into my room and went straight to the bathroom to brush his teeth, you followed him. Starting only your skin care for the night.

He brushed his teeth and didn’t tell you, he didn’t even look at you. You wanted to cry but you held back.

You started taking out your skincare products when a hygienic protection package appeared in your field of vision.

Your blood is cold and you haven’t moved for a few seconds, the package was closed.

Normally a closed protection package was nothing. The only problem was the fact that since you arrived, you only bought one package.

It means that since you’ve been here, you haven’t had your period. You’ve come out of the bathroom in the direction of bed.

You climb on your side and crawl to Rafe. "Rafe..?" you ask hesitantly. Rafe doesn’t move, he seems to be asleep. You give him a little pat "Rafe..?". He doesn’t move.

you repeat your gestures until he starts moving. He turns around and slowly opens his eyes.

"What, what is it?" He says half asleep with a slight hint of annoyance. "I-I.." You look for your words. Rafe gets angry. He talks aggressively "I want to sleep. Don’t bother me."

"Rafe.. I have..". you look for words not to disturb him. He remains angry "What? What do you want? Go say it fast!"

"When’s the last time we fucked without protecting us?". You start shaking when her eyes pierce you. You weren’t afraid of him until you understood that the pogues didn’t lie, he really killed Peterkin.

Rafe’s eyes darken. He gets angry. "What do you mean, when we’ve been fucking without protecting ourselves? You’re not pregnant, are you?" he asks you not to scream.

You lower your head, avoiding his gaze. "I haven’t had my period since we got here"

Rafe puts his hands in front of his eyes, he always does that when he’s stressed or about to explode. And you didn’t think it could be stress? Maybe that’s why you’re late. You want to yell at him, you want to insult him.

You’re still not looking at him.

"If you hadn’t kidnapped me at the same time, I wouldn’t be stressed…"You whisper so he can’t hear you. You don’t want him to yell at you.

He approaches you. He gets angry. He speaks just below the scream. "I made the right decisions. I saved you from trouble. I gave you the freedom you want." You look up and look him straight in the eyes, "You gave me the good life? Rafe? Are you serious? You no longer speak to me, no longer look at me and you come to see me only when you are lacking!" You start to raise the tone

He grabs the back of your head and puts his hand on your mouth to silence you "I swear to God, if Wheezie or Rose gets up to see what’s going on, I’ll kill you." He says eyes filled with hate.

You are afraid and begin to tremble even more, panic takes you, and that he understands quickly. Your eyes are flooded with water making your vision blurred.

He lets go and goes back to sleep. You lie next to him and keep crying in silence, you miss your family and if you had gone with the pogues, would you be happy?

______________________________________________

You didn’t sleep all night. When Rafe got up, you pretended to sleep. 

He brought you closer to him and hugged you before kissing you on top of your head. One of the rare times you felt like he still loved you.

When he left, you started crying again.

When you got up, you stayed until 10 am in bed, you had traces in the corners of your eyes and you had no desire to get up.

You did it anyway, you washed up, made up and came down, Wheez is with Ward, Rose has to drink and Rafe had to be in his office.

You went into the lobby where Rafe’s things are. You started looking for $30 in his wallet. "What are you doing?" You jump and freeze instantly.

Rafe had his arms crossed, he was standing behind you. You got up fast and he looked at you all the way up with a suspicious face.

"It’s none of your business." You say with a hint of annoyance. He frowns and grimaces. "So you’re stealing money from me and it’s none of my business?" " I wasn’t stealing from you-" He cuts you off and walks away from you. " It’s normal because I made sure I didn’t have any cash." He says it made sense.

You open your mouth in amazement, he thinks you’re a thief. "But maybe you’re looking for this?" He pulls out his credit card. You try to take it from him, but he put it in the air. "Tell me why you need it and I might give it to you?" he shrugs.

You lower your head and start playing with your hands. "I need it to buy a pregnancy test." You say to a barely audible voice. Rafe leans over you, he pulls your face up so it’s in front of yours. "Sorry I didn’t hear, you need it for?" his eyes shrinking.

"Rafe I need it to buy a pregnancy test." You say loud enough. Rafe freezes and gives you a bad look." I told you it was just stress, don’t get paranoid about it." He gets straight, turns his back on you and starts leaving.

You start following him, begging him to give you his card. "Rafe I just want to be sure! You understand that?" You say half crying. "I understand you love, just realize how miserable you look?" He says disgusted.

You stop talking and he goes on. "You tried to steal money from me, and then you tried to trick me into saying you want to take a pregnancy test but you really just want to steal me and then go find another guy, right?"

"You know it’s miserable what you’re doing, right?" He approaches you and you start crying, "it’s not that Ra-" "shhht" he gently puts his hand on your neck, he forces you to put you on tiptoe.

"If you try to betray me or even lie to me, I will not be as forgiving as before." He kisses you and you feel the tears running down your cheeks. He lets go and leaves.

Your crying is so intense that your breathing becomes unstable. Rose arrives in the living room and sees you, she puts her glass and runs towards you. She takes you directly in a hug. She tries to calm your breath and little by little she gets there.

Rose asks you what happened and you explain the situation to her. When you’re done, she leaves without telling you anything, she comes back with two $20 bills. "Buy yourself the best tests." That’s all she tells you.

You take them and take her one last time in your arms before leaving.

______________________________________________

You found a small grocery store, there were different types of tests. To be sure of the result, you took three and paid them.

At night when you came home, no one was expecting you. You went upstairs to the bathroom you share with Rafe and did a first test.

You waited 15 minutes, once it was over the result was ready. You took a deep breath and watched the test.

You thought your world was going to collapse under your feet, you were barely 18 years old and you were already expecting a child.

You threw the test in the trash and rushed to do another one. You waited another 15 minutes and again, it was positive.

How are you going to deal with a baby? You’re not sure if you survive here so how do you deal with a child?

You thought about trying to stay calm, for you one thing was certain, you had to tell Rafe. You took the test and with a little confidence you went to Rafe’s office.

You came in and Rafe was there, head in piles of paper with his computer next to him.

You put the test on the piles and he stopped writing. He raised his head and you tried to keep calm.

He looked at the test again and went into his chair. He looked at you and said nothing. "Where did you get the money?" He asked you looking into your eyes. "Rose." He shrugged his shoulders. Is that his reaction?

"That’s your reaction, don’t you have anything to say?" you ask, you start getting angry.

He looked at you with disdain. "I should have another one when you’re not going to keep it?" You frown. Who said you weren’t going to keep it. "I never said that," you say. "So you’re going to keep it?" he asks with irritation.

You start staring at the point, yes you want to keep it, but on the one hand you’re scared, and if you were a bad mother. You can’t think any more because Rafe is waiting for your answer, the longer it takes you to make him understand something you don’t want.

"Yes" Rafe seemed shocked. "No." He said.

You open your eyes wide. "I beg your pardon?"

"You’re not going to babysit this kid." He says like he’s the one who’s pregnant.

"I wouldn’t have an abortion." You say clearly, Rafe’s laughing. "You know you don’t have to, getting him adopted is a good option." He says it makes sense.

"There is no question of strangers taking my baby!" You scream, Rafe gets up from his chair. " Oh well? So who will do it, You? You don’t even have the means to do it? You don’t have a job and you live on the hook of your boyfriend who also owns the child."

You put your hands on your face. "So I live on your hooks?" You look at it before eyes full of hate. "What do you call that?" He asks you.

You shake your head and walk out of his office, slamming the door. You head to your room. Once inside you take the suitcase under the bed, open your wardrobe and start throwing your stuff in.

Rafe shows up in the room when you’re closing the suitcase. "What are you doing?" He says angry holding back not to scream. 

"I decide not to live on your hook anymore, so I’m out of here." You say then that tears flow at a crazy speed on your cheeks.

Rafe laughs nervously. "No." He says. You grab the suitcase and start walking out of the room. What you didn’t expect was for Rafe to grab you violently by your waist making you scream.

"Fucking let go of me!" you’re screaming." Shut the fuck up, you really think after everything I’ve done you’re gonna break down like that with my kid?" Rafe goes crazy.

He pushes you violently away from the door and you fall to the ground. I’ve been busting my ass giving you a dream life all this so you decide to fuck everyone up " he bends over and grabs your jaw firmly . " Go away" you scream, both hands start scratching his arm. He yells at you and throws all the worst insults in the world, and you cry and insult him.

You get cut off when someone knocks on the door asking to come in, Rafe lets go and you run into the bathroom. Rose talks to Rafe and gets even more upset.

Rose leaves and Rafe starts knocking at the door asking you to open it, the only thing he hears are your uncontrollable crying.

Rafe stayed at the door for more than an hour, you did not open to him because you knew two things, first, if you went out you would probably have forgiven him what he just did to you because you love him despite what he makes you live and secondly, You were paralyzed by the fear he gave you.

That night, you slept on the cold tile in the bathroom.

______________________________________________

Despite your love for Rafe, you had no desire to end up like Peterkin, so you waited.

You waited a few weeks for Rafe to forget everything that happened. Rafe had to leave a few days to see a potential buyer for the cross.

And thanks to that, you were able to run away. Rose of course helped you, she gave you money and paid you a boat ticket and a plane ticket. You couldn’t go back to the Outer Banks. Illinois seemed perfect. You never told Rafe, so how could He suspect anything?

______________________________________________

If you want a pt3, tell me.💓

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[two-white-butterflies]

parallel lines | d. targaryen | part five

Description: An ordinary middle school teacher moves to a desolate town with her fiancee. After suffering episodes of vivid nightmares, she realizes that his uncle looks exactly like the man in her dreams.

Pairings: daemon targaryen/reader, aemond targaryen/reader

Trope: Reincarnation

series masterlist |

<< previous chapter

Man who makes a beast out of himself got nothing to lose Sold my soul long ago, nothing left to choose I'm tired, tired of singing the blues - Tired of Singing the Blues, Lana Del Rey.

"There's nothing rich people love more than free things," Jacaerys mused watching his relatives fight over freebies, some were exquisite works of art like that little Monet that his uncle brought or the jade mirror from the Ming Dynasty. "You're not going to join them," you raised an eyebrow - taking a sip of your champagne.

The younger boy stared.

"I still love my life, unfortunately." he chuckles. "We've got a very eccentric family, I hope that this isn't too new for you." Jacaerys apologized, walking you into the other room. "I don't think I know what normal is. I'm an orphan, my mother died pretty young." you admit, biting your lower lip. "Father?"

"Couldn't be more bothered to acknowledge my existence." you shrug, feeling a familiar presence behind you. "Aemond," Jacaerys greeted with hidden rigidity - the atmosphere between the both of them was tense. You were a good judge of character, and you could see that neither of them liked each other.

"Jace," your boyfriend smiled falsely.

Aemond was a shadow in his younger nephew's presence, Jacaerys the golden boy - could do no wrong. While Aemond struggled with being accepted in the school of his dreams, Jacaerys was welcomed - and he still had the nerve to decline the invitation, instead choosing to study in some stupid university in the countryside.

"It's been a while," Jace added, attempting to keep the conversation civil. "Five years? Is that how long it takes to study college?" Aemond undermined his rival. "I took a gap year," Jace turned his head in your direction, trying to put a finger on why you looked familiar.

"- toured the world, I even saw the Arc de Triomphe." the younger man smiles. Aemond says nothing in return - as if sensing the awkwardness, Jace chuckles.

"Well, I think this is my cue to say goodbye." he raised his glass, retreating into the foyer.

(Harrenhal. The Past.)

"I don't know why you keep me here. To prolong my agony?" you rasped at your older sister. Harrenhal had big rooms and soft mattresses that you could just sleep in for thousands of years. You laid in the beds in the morning, feeling tired and sucked dry of life, but in the night - you couldn't sleep.

Memories of what happened months ago came flooding back. Haunting you awake. It felt like you were standing on a pile of bodies. You turned to look at your older sister again, her eyes were once filled with warmth at the thought of you - now they were dim.

"I'll keep the windows open, if you hate your life - then jump - like that niece of yours, Helaena." she announced in a tone that wasn't sad nor happy. Your eyebrows merged into each other. Princess Helaena was dead? But you weren't bothered - you didn't know her.

A bitter chuckle escapes your mouth.

"You took my life into your own hands, to play with as you please. Now that you're tired, you want me to pretend that it was my own agency that led me here?" you argued.

"Perhaps you and I are the same." Alys responded.

"I had a dream before you were born that Aemond would come and free us, save us from our father's abuse. I know better now than to believe my visions." she turned away, slamming the door shut - leaving you alone.

Dreams were portals of the world - you could see the past, present and future in them. Alys Rivers could vividly remember the man in her dreams, his warm purple eye and long silver hair.

The Prince would come and his song will be that of Ice and Fire. From his blood would come the prince that was promised, opposite of him in temperance and demeanor - you almost wouldn't believe that they came from the same tree, but they were and the prince's breath would save them against ice.

"And when will you return, this time?" Alys leaned on the doorframe, staring at your frame that was frantically packing her bags. "Princess Rhaenyra tells that she needs my help, I can't deny her." you smiled.

"She's Queen now - and she's asking you because she needs you to fight in a war." Alys' lips turned thin at the thought of losing you. "Rumors have swirled around, they believe that she killed Harwin." she proceeded, trying to persuade you to stay.

"You told me that Larys killed our brother." you froze slightly. "I don't want you to leave, stay please - I've been dreaming about salvation. If you stay here, we'll be safe." your older sister pleaded.

"I'm never in your dreams, almost like I'm not supposed to be here. I need to save the Queen's soldiers, to ensure that she wins in this war. You tell me that her heirs are fathered by Harwin, shouldn't we protect our blood?" you inquired and your sister takes a deep breath. There was no stopping you.

"Promise me that you'll stay safe," she pleaded, handing you a small necklace that she enchanted. "I will," you promised - squeezing her shoulders as a way to show that you weren't kidding.

Like a ghost, you didn't even realize that you were sitting on the dinner table. "Columbia University is pretty hard, what did you major in again?" Rhaenyra inquires, taking a bite of her steak.

"Mathematics, it was supposed to be my pre-law course but life happened and I had to change a few things." you smiled, eyebrows merging with each other in confusion. What the hell happened? Why couldn't you remember anything before this?

"Ooh being a lawyer is the coolest. It's uncommon to see someone with Math as a pre-law, you must be really smart." Helaena adjusted her glasses and the people around you agreed. "Never in a million years did we expect that Aemond will end up with someone like you." Harwin articulated and Aemond rolls his eye.

"What's that supposed to mean?" he chuckled, trying to make it seem like a joke. "I always saw you with someone weird, like that Claire girl that does music now." Harwin quickly rebutted.

Alicent knocks on wood three times. Rhaenyra giggles, "Put some respect on that girl's name, isn't she engaged to a billionaire?" she inquired and Aemond shook his head. "They broke up." he confirmed.

"Three kids and he just throws her away like nothing."

"It is not nice to gossip," Alicent interrupts their conversation. "Gossiping is done by small-minded people." she insisted and Rhaenyra looks away. They used to be close friends, Alicent was her former-babysitter - then somehow she had an affair with her father.

"So are affairs, but none of us complain." Rhaenyra grumbled and the other woman pretended not to hear. "You're the one to talk, didn't you cheat on your ex-husband with mister hunk here?" Aegon pointed at Harwin and Daemon's eyes widened.

You know what they say - a shot of whiskey for luck, and a bottle of whiskey for disaster. "Oh my god I can't believe we're talking about this again. I didn't ruin a family and as far as anyone is concerned, Laenor was totally fine with it. Weren't you, Laenor?" Rhaenyra turned her head at Laenor's direction.

"I liked it, actually." he hummed watching the drama unfold. "Yeah cuz when you have a mistress it's alright, but when it's my father - suddenly, my mother's the fucking devil." Aegon insulted.

You took a deep breath, what were you to make of this situation.

"So you do agree, that your mother was a mistress?" Rhaenyra said smugly, Daemon bit back a chuckle. "Can we all calm down?" Harwin placed his hand in front of the siblings. "This is supposed to be my son's birthday, and we have a guest here. A little decorum would be nice." Harwin tried to decrease the tension.

"Yeah, whatever." Aegon stood up to leave. He hated his fucking life.

Shortly after Aegon's outburst, you and Aemond decided to leave. "That was the most eventful birthday party that I've ever attended." you chuckled, fastening your seatbelt.

"I can't believe that they decided to pull that shit while you were there." he complained, driving out of Rhaenyra's driveway.

"That's family, I guess." he shrugged.

"- and we're never going back." he added

next chapter >>

[laracrofted]

Since I don't party tonight, and just listens to music in my bed, I can write a Lil something!!!I will forget people and hate myself for it but 🫠 sometimes you have to jump and do it anyway

@sebsxphia : my love Seb, the kindest soul you can meet, always here to scream with you about everything obssessing us, always creating and most importantly always here for you ❤️

@bobfloydsbabe : it is universally known how much I love Helena, her stories, and her as a person. One of the pillar of the fandom, and a writer with a 🤌 vision 👌🏻 love you so much ❤️

@ryebecca honestly it's embarassing because everytime she posts moodboards, I find myself SCREAMING at how incredible they are. Her Disney serie was exceptionnal. ❤️

@sailor-aviator : i can't believe I only found and met Liz this year!! But I'm glad it happened because holy mother of God it' worth it!! She writes the Mermaid fic I always dreamed of writing with mates, connections... and her entire work is flawless. She has a no limit creativity (and I'm slightly jealous ahahah) (because she actually writes her ideas contrary to someone) (me) ❤️

@ohtobeleah : well, i wrote a very long comment about how her fics made me feel. But let's resume it: If I could write as she does, I'd be the happiest writer in the world. As fearlessly, efficienty and beautifully as she does. Yes I'm jealous too lol. (Also she has no chills, which I love.) ❤️

@roosterforme : i mean, let's be honest here: WE ALL read one of Emily's story!! I mean, Roo and Baby Girl are iconic at his point. I love how she constantly makes us addicted to her entire lore and how dedicated she is to us readers. ❤️

@gretagerwigsmuse : I mean, flawless writing, hilarious and adorable person, immaculate taste, what could you say more? Have a treat and go at Jordan's blog even if you very likely already follow her ❤️

@withahappyrefrain : for the evermore Peter Parker and Top Gun lover that I am, Abby is my queen. I LOVE her stories, I am invested in all of these, she knows how to make us laigh and cry. Plus, I'm an avid Lana fan. ❤️

@thedroneranger : Jay has helped this entire fandom to relieve their thirst!! (Or caused it with their fics, I don't know). The writings are incredibly steamy but never crude or gross. A perfect balance of emotion, sexy and entertaining. And her bartender concept is amazing!! ❤️

And you!! I am such a fan of your fics, your moodboards which are always perfect picked just right, the musical writings challenges?? Unmatched!! Thank you so much. ❤️

there are SO MANY other people I forgot, I'm sure of it but that's what my brain was able to produce tonight haha. But consider if I ever commented or reblogged your work, It went right to my heart and I love you dearly for it!! ! ❤️

ah, thank you so much for the love, i love seeing you in my notifications 🤍 have a happy new year!

end of the year positivity night 💌

[danpuff-ao3]

You know...I'm very proud of my playlist crafting skills. A playlist just for me and my jam out sessions is one thing, but making them for my fics was a whole other ballgame. Cue my perfectionism. But my love of music and my love of stories has come together pretty well, I think.

Going back through the Contempt playlist recently was such a great experience. It's like living that story all over again through the songs. Maybe that works best for me as the crafter of both story and playlist, but hey...it's magical for me, at least.

"Pressure" by Muse

I'm trying to keep up to speed with you Your lane changing is oscillating me I'm hitting the ground and I'm sprinting I'm falling behind now I'm tuning out

"I Feel Like I'm Drowning" by Two Feet

All my friends think you're vicious And they say you're suspicious You keep dreaming and dark scheming

"Obsession" by Joywave

There's something Lurking in the back of my mind And lately I feel it sliding into the light

"I Hate You So Much" by Alexander 23

I close my eyes but all I see is you I hate that, I love you so much

"Say It" by Maggie Rogers

I cannot fall in love with you I cannot feel this way so soon I cannot be this way with you I cannot fall in love with you

"Do I Wanna Know" by Arctic Monkeys

Maybe I'm too Busy bein' yours To fall for somebody new

"State of Seduction" by Digital Daggers

You keep my heart under the cover of night Could be the devil in a clever disguise Temptation leads us, it's too late for goodbye Say you're here on my side Want you here on my side

"Mind Over Matter" by Young the Giant

And when the seasons change Will you stand by me? 'Cause I'm a young man built to fall

"Neptune" by Sleeping at Last

Thread by thread, I come apart If brokenness is a work of art Surely this must be my masterpiece

"A Little Death" by the Neighbourhood

Touch me, yeah I want you to touch me there Make me feel like I am breathing Feel like I am human

"Animal Impulses" by IAMX

I'm tired of this human duet No civilizing hides Our animal impulses

"I Don't Mind" by FNKHOUSER

I am not afraid to Let you be who you wanna be Let you do what you do to me Close my eyes but I wanna see

"Stargirl Interlude" by The Weeknd, Lana Del Rey

A vision of my nails in the kitchen Scratching counter tops, I was screaming My back arched like a cat My position couldn't stop, you were hitting it

"Ride" by Lana Del Rey

I am alone at midnight Been tryin' hard not to get into trouble, but I I've got a war in my mind So, I just ride

"Kiss Me You Animal" by Burn the Ballroom

Kiss me you animal I need to take you in real slow Cause dying on your lips is how I wanna go

"After Dark" by Mr. Kitty

I've been waiting for this moment We're finally alone I turn to ask the question So anxious, my thoughts Your lips were soft like winter In your passion, I was lost

"Bloom" by The Paper Kites

Can I take it to a morning Where the fields are painted gold And the trees are filled with memories Of the feelings never told?

"Don't Let Me Go" by RAIGN

Forever is not enough Let me lay my head down on the shadow by your side Don't let me go Hold me in your beating heart

"Comatose" by Mikky Ekko

In another life we can work it out But we never speak So it's hard to do We don't really want to live this way

"War of Hearts" by Ruelle

I can't help but be wrong in the dark 'Cause I'm overcome in this war of hearts I can't help but want oceans to part 'Cause I'm overcome in this war of hearts

"You're the One" by Rev Theory

You are the hurt inside of me And you are the one that makes me weak Shadows that crawl all over me Swallow the light that lets me see

"I Wanna Be Yours" by Arctic Monkeys

Secrets I have held in my heart Are harder to hide than I thought Maybe I just wanna be yours I wanna be yours, I wanna be yours

"Unintended" by Muse

I'll be there as soon as I can But I'm busy mending broken Pieces of the life I had before

[bcofl0ve]

This is my first anon here, as I typically only read the anons for my girlfriend on this page. So I apologize if this isn't that good. But I just finished watching Priscilla, and let me say this here and now. IN DEFENSE OF JACOB ELORDI: He is is a FANTASTIC Elvis. I would not have anyone else be Elvis in terms of this movie. He fits the vibes of this movie perfectly, he fits Elvis perfectly in this movie. I'm not saying Austin Butler is a bad Elvis, he's amazing. But he doesn't FIT this movie, at all. If I saw Austin Butler on screen as Elvis in the Priscilla movie, it just wouldn't fit. It really wouldn't.

Yeah, Austin has that Lana Del Rey vibe about him. But he has a Lana vibe when he's blonde, not when he's black haired. Not just this but his face is more suited for a Baz Lurhmann movie, not for an A24 Sofia Coppola movie. When watching this movie on screen, you really cannot envision anyone else as Elvis, not even Austin Butler.

The other reason why Jacob did so well as Elvis in the Priscilla movie compared to Austin. Is because Austin's movie "ELVIS" mainly and solely FOCUSES on Elvis himself. Priscilla- doesn't. Priscilla is focused on Priscilla, not on Elvis. So due to this, they needed to find an actor that could be Elvis, but not look like a full mimic of Elvis, just- have Elvis' voice down, body mannerisms down, and as I said, someone who FIT the movie. Who FITS the vibe of the movie, and also has great chemistry with Cailee Spaeny.

It bothers me how people are giving this masterpiece of a movie a 1 and a 2 purely because Elvis is played by Jacob Elordi. I'm sorry but if you have a true and real passion for movies, and for cinematography, you would SEE why Austin wasn't chosen, and you'd also give this movie a shot.

I loved this movie, I really did. I'd rate it an 8/10, it was such a pretty and aesthetic movie. I won't spoil anything but it was genuinely such a good film. Sorry for the long anon.

i need you to know that i think about the tiktok where you revealed that you read my posts to your girlfriend so much like that’s genuinely one of the funniest in a sweet way things ive ever read about myself on the internet 😭 you’re a keeper- tell her i said hey and that i think she pulled a good one! and don't apologize for the long anons, when they're substantive i like them!

gonna start with your second to last paragraph: yeah it's been frustrating as someone who has begun to "get into" film as a whole that i feel like because i'm a big fan of one specific actor that i have to view everything through that fan lens. i want to watch movies with as small a bias as possible. i didn't go into bottoms or priscilla thinking "well even if i hate it it'll just come online and lie for the cause" if i truly didn't like either film i would say that! i believe in being honest with y'all and think it behooves the community i've built on here to be honest. i'm seeing the holdovers this weekend bc film twitter zoe's tweets about loving it piqued my interest and idk if i'll like it, but we'll see! i've said a few times that while i'm really excited to see austin in dune that sci fi isn't really my thing and i might not like it outside of his parts. but maybe i'll surprise myself, who knows!

i personally think austin could pull off this type of movie so i guess we disagree there for the most part- though i get why it might be harder to like- vision him in that role after seeing him in the other one. but i do get what you're saying. i don't think anyone but austin could've pulled off baz luhrmann's elvis. baz is 100% spot on when he calls him a miracle. (and before y'all get on my ass for posting something slightly critical of austin, please unclench. i welcome genuine discussion like this when it's civil.) he was born for that role and as a woowoo person who fully believes in fate stuff like that...yeah.

i thought jacob was great, and obviously he can't control how tall he is but i think that was a factor of what took me out of it and made me see him as more "nate jacobs playing elvis" in the serious moments. like i get what people are saying in that sofia cast people with a height diff like that on purpose to show the power dynamic. but as an elvis fan who *knows* he was not that tall it didn't work for me. and i mean- she said the movie isn't for elvis fans so that's alright! the average viewer isn't someone who knows how tall elvis was haha. just my perspective. i thought he really pulled off the elvis of it all in the more lighthearted moments and was pleasantly surprised that he did when his focus in his portrayal was obv the darker side. (since you've seen the movie you'll know what i'm referring to with "the salute thing". that CRACKED me up and felt so in tune with how "goofy" elvis could be at times, and i've been wondering if it was scripted or if jacob improv-ed it. i hope sofia releases the screenplay someday like they did for elvis 2022, i wanna see it!)

[wayfaringauthorofficial]

WIP EXCERPT!!!

I’m pushing tears back into my eyes as I listen to the phone ring, and watch my brother hold it to his ear. The lump in my throat throbs, head filled with pressure. With a shaking breath, I adjust so my forehead rests against the cool window, not caring that I’m jerking and bobbing along with the car as we travel. All I want is to take a nice, hot shower, and maybe not have to worry about disguising myself, being in hiding for the rest of my life.

The phone is held to my brother’s ear in silence for what I feel is a bit too long, but then I remember that my dad is probably working as well as figuring out a way to keep me from getting arrested again- or worse. My eyes are peeled for squad cars, or any suspicious vehicle that seems to be on our tail. I wonder if we should switch our car out. “Dalton, ask if we should get a different car. Maybe we’ve been in this one for too long?” I whisper, running a hand over my face.

He nods in response, greeting our father a second later. “Hi, Dad. I think Abby figured something out, and you’re not going to like it.” There’s a silence as he gets a response from Dad, one I can’t seem to make out. He won’t put the phone on speaker, but I’m too anxious to ask him to do anything about that. I can call my dad later if I want. There’s no energy in my body to think about a full conversation right now. “No… nothing like that. She’s in the back- she’s fine- but something’s off about Lana. Is there any way you could get one of the lawyers to look into her, figure out if she’s hiding something? I saw the card for a private investigator on the fridge. Send it to me, and I could call him if you’re too busy. I know you have stuff going on at work.”

My dad speaks for a long time, but I can’t make out any words. I wish I could; I miss hearing his voice, but maybe it’s best that we don’t talk until this is worked out. I’m endangering Dalton and Zander; I’d hate to bring anyone else down with us if our plan blows up in my face. We’re supposed to be cleaning up this mess- not making it worse. The problem is, I have no plan for how to do the former. The latter is easy.

The only idea in my mind is that we keep running, keep in touch with Dad. He’ll keep working behind the scenes, talking to lawyers about hypotheticals and doing research. I’ll make sure I don’t get myself arrested or worse in the meantime… and I’ll rely on the boys to watch my back. Everyone in my circle knows I haven’t done a good job of that myself lately. I wonder if I’ll ever get that thought out of their heads, and mine.

My brother continues voicing our suspicions, glancing at me in the rearview from time to time. He asks if we need to start worrying, if even bringing her into this ordeal at all is going to throw a wrench in the ever-changing plan to clear my name. I can’t hear my father’s answer, but his tone shifts drastically. I dig my nails into my palms, reminding myself to breathe. Everything will work itself out. We have already started proving my innocence, that I didn’t have a say in any of this. Hopefully, whoever receives that scrap of evidence will have mercy when they realize I’m more or less a fugitive, whether or not this was my doing or first choice.

Raking my hands through my hair in a desperate attempt to break free from the numbness, I yank so hard that tears well in my eyes, but I don’t care. What time is it? Have I been distracted for too long? Glancing around, I see no one following us, no police cars in my field of vision at all. A bit of the tightness in my chest goes away, but I fear it won’t be long before it returns.

“Okay, I’ll look out for it. Thank you, Dad.” Then, I see him shift, feel his eyes linger on my face for a moment longer than last time. “No, she’s out of it. She barely slept last night and she’s not really here right now. Abby’s fine, though, considering. We’re looking after her, she’s safe. I’ll have her call you later.” Muttering on the other end as my father gives his response. I sense the end of the conversation coming soon. “Yes, she’s safe. We’re all okay, just trying to keep moving. Could we switch the car out again? Is there a way you could send one our way by tomorrow?” Another moment of silence as Dad thinks, looks into it. “Perfect. Just let me know. Okay… yeah, I love you, too. Bye, Dad. I miss you.”

I never thought I’d hear my brother say that. They’ve been so distant these past few years, ever since he decided to start the company instead of going to law school. Am I now doomed to follow in my father’s footsteps instead? Will he use Mom’s death against me, too, when I tell him I want to do something else? Or will this ordeal finally put him in his place, realizing that we’re his children and not his replicas?

[skylarmoon71]

Lex Luthor (Smallville) AU Chapter 13

“Why the hell did I kiss him! He’s my best friend. You don’t just go around kissing your best friend!”

You hadn’t felt this embarrassed since the last time you saw him shirtless and activated your heat vision.

Boy was that awkward to explain. Even more awkward when your dad had taken you out in the field to practice heat vision on that scarecrow. Of course you’d never fully disclosed the trigger of that power.

“Come to think of it..”

The first time you’d learned your x-ray vision, it was because of Lex. You’d been curious about the present he’d gotten you for your birthday. All you could remember was looking at the wall, and everything had become visible. Including one Lex Luthor stepping out of the shower as you waited for him in the hallway.

“Crap.”

Had all your sexual fantasies been centered around Lex! You couldn’t believe it had taken this long for you to pick up on.

“Argh!!”

You needed to sleep. Maybe if you had a good nap, all the dirty thoughts would leave.

“Yeah, a nice shower and sleep should do the trick. “

It was a childish way to avoid your problems, but it was better than facing Lex right now.

“Sweetheart, are you hungry? I made some pie.”

“I’m fine mom. I’ll be in the loft if you need me.” You couldn’t sleep, because those thoughts would just consume you. Even in sleep. Walking out to the barn, you let out a heavy sigh.

“I hate this.”

When Petey was still here everything felt easier. She was someone you always knew you could confide in. All your embarrassing stories and situations. Although you’d been close with Lex, there were things, certain thoughts you could never disclose to him. Even the last month was anything to go on, both of you have gotten much closer. You grabbed your basketball from one of the shelves, bouncing it around. There was a part of you that wondered if something happened in that other reality. Lex never said anything, but everything felt different. That couldn’t have been a figment of your imagination.

“You’ll have to run faster if you want to get away from me.” You jumped at Lex’s voice.

“W-What I didn’t even hear your car pull up.”

“I was driving pretty slow.” He said with a grin. You gripped the ball in your hands, and Lex’s slipped into his pants pockets.

“Are we just going to pretend that nothing happened?”

You weren’t sure what to say, dropping the ball, you rubbed your arm. You were careful to keep at a distance.

“If you’re uncomfortable nothing has to happen. It was just a kiss. After all we’ve been through, I don’t think this would be the deciding factor of our friendship.” Lex was right. But somehow, hearing that word made your heart ache.

Friendship.

At what point did you realize you wanted more.

You moved closer, and Lex just sent you a smile. You weren’t sure how he could be so calm about the entire situation. Wasn’t his heart racing the same way yours was right now. You frown, stopping right next to him. You needed to be honest, because if there really was nothing there, you wanted to know.

“T-The first time I used my heat vision it was because of you.” You blurt out. Lex looks fairly puzzled. You just look down.

“Most of my abilities were brought on when I was scared, or someone needed help. I couldn’t stop it. It was almost instinct. B-But the others are..they’re different.” He wasn’t really sure where you were going with this, but when you finally looked at him, it clicked.

“My heat visions and x-ray, they were both triggered because of you..because of my feelings for you. There was a part of me that always thought Leo and I were meant to be. I-I’d been crushing on him since we were both kids.”

“I guess Leo is the equivalent to Clark’s Lana Lang here. “ Lex mused.

That he understood.

“But if that was the truth, why has it always been so easy for me to be with you Lex. Why am I constantly worried about you being hurt, or wanting to see you smile. I want to include you in every part of my life. Do you really not feel even an ounce of what I do..” Your eyes were pleading, and Lex felt the last of his restraint disappear.

He took one step, pulling you into a searing kiss. You squeaked, stunned at the urgency behind this kiss. Your brows furrowed, and Lex’s hand slid around your waist, pulling you flush to his body. You were desperately trying to match the heat he was now giving off with each staggered breath. Your hands tightened into his suit jacket. Moaning softly when his hands lifted your thighs, placing you on the table nearby. Lex didn’t seem to want to stop, and you weren’t complaining. Your hands ran down his shoulders, pushing off his jacket as he happily obliged. Discarding it easily. Lex’s lips moved to your neck, and you fought to keep it all together. Your face was no doubt every shade of red.

“I wanted it to be… your choice. I needed you..to choose me.” He muttered between kisses.

You could hardly believe it. He’d felt the same. From the sound of it, he would have let you be with someone else if that’s what made you happy. He’d willingly deprive himself of these feelings, just for you.

Lex pulled back slowly.

“You’re my destiny..”

His declaration had your heart racing at unnatural heights.

“I-I’m not a supermodel you know. I-I’m just a farm girl.”

Lex could only smile. All the parts you seem to doubt were what he thought was most attractive. It’s true that he’d dated a variety of women. But this was the first time he could truly say it was love. Not a means to fill a void, or a situation to upset his father in the past.

This is real.

Pure.

“I’ve noticed.” He left another kiss on your neck, and you did your best to hold back any more sounds.

“W-We should probably stop. W-What if my dad walks in.”

“I don’t think Jonathan Kent could dislike me anymore than he already does.” Lex was smirking, and you swallow.

“Y-You really are a playboy huh.”

He chuckles, still leaving little kisses along the base of your neck.

“For you, I guess I am.” He hums against your skin.

“So tell me, what were you thinking about when you first used your heat vision, hmm?” You weren’t sure it was possible for your face to become any brighter than it already was, but Lex proved you wrong.

“N-Nothing!!”

When Lex pulls back, he’s wearing a mischievous grin.

“Dirty girl.”

You were positive your ovaries just exploded.

“I-I need to take a shower!!”

You sped away, and Lex is still wearing a smile.

[de4dlyniightshade]

꩜ HEADCANON/BRAINROT MASTERLIST!

EXCUSE HOW MESSY THIS IS BUT I TRIED MY BEST TO KEEP IT AS ORGANISED AS POSSIBLE!

IF YOU ARE INSPIRED TO WRITE A FIC BASED OFF ANY OF THESE PLEASE TAG ME! I'D LOVE TO SEE IT!

click here for!: "I just imagine that like Spencer HATES being vocal but the boys so sensitive he can't help but moan like a whore"

click here for!: "I read the vocal Spencer hcs and I saw u wrote Abt him being the Prince of overstimulation, you got any more hcs revolving that? (And/or aftercaree🙏)"

click here for!: "Y'all think Reid would make himself one of your Christmas presents? Like, he'd either ruin you or let you ruin him."

click here for!: "just thinking about dom!spencer taking our virginity 😔😔😔 i want him"

click here for!: "Y'all ever think Abt how pretty Spencer would be in lingerie? Like both Baby Reid AND Later szns Reid. LIKE BABY BLUE PANTIES ONG??"

click here for!: "Spencer is such a sub u know he kneels at his partners feet and does whatever they tell him too"

click here for!: "i loveeee your headcannons for spencer!! can we get some for service-softdom!spencer?"

click here for!: "I wonder how Spencer would react to being denied orgasming🤨"

click here for!: "ok this kinda contradicts your latest post, but what about hcs about reader faking orgasm for whatever reason and when spencer finds out he makes it up to her 😻😻 idk just an idea"

click here for!: "ilysm and ur writing omg mamas (u have no idea who I am #parasocialrelationshipcore) BUT im like A SUPER FAN ☝️😫 anyway, ma'am, i had a sudden deep and absolutely CARNAL need inside of me- and how better to solve that emptiness with your headcanons?? 😍 OKAY, so the vision was like basically how spencer would act if you like praised something about him a lot like you emphasize it sm, YK? like say u said his lips were pretty or like his style is *chef's kiss* LIKE HOW WOULD HE REACT TO THIS INFORMATION?!! DOES HE THINK ABT IT OR IS HE COCKY OR WHAT? i need this man on a scary level omfg I'm so down baddddd THE D IS FIRE! also UGH i love your headcanons like they're literally my thoughts except like they're BETTER. que yummi (sorry for allat btw I'm a yapper if u couldn't alr tell)"

click here for!: "I imagine sub Spencer would be literally rock hard by just being allowed to touch you, like he LOVES when you let him touch or kiss you anywhere he wants"

click here for!: "I need sweetheart Spencer headcannons. I gotta hear about this guys sweet little habits and his love language frfr"

click here for!: "may i request some hair pulling hcs for our bbyboy bc i have a feral need to knot my fingers in his pretty hair regardless of the era and pull until there are tears in his eyes"

click here for!: "Post!prison Reid being an absolute sweetheart headcannons PLEASEEEE🤞"

click here for!: "Giving Spencer head hcs please mama🙇"

click here for!: "Headcanons request: Spencer’s dream partner. What do you think is important to him? Do you think he has a “type”? And since you mentioned him and I JUST got the movie to watch - any fun headcanons for Chip??"

click here for!: "Right, this is the weirdest thought i’ve ever had but how would Spencer (any era you prefer) react to reader buying him boxers with her face on😭 We all know that this man wears the weirdest shit under those sweater vests. I apologise 😭"

click here for!: "Do you think Spencer would let you eat their ass? Rim jobs and all that? Headcanon request 🫣"

click here for!: "I need the most back-arching, kitty clenching, slick tip hcs you have for Spencer. Him in lingere, him buried 7.5 inches deep inside you, him cumming so hard he can't think, everything."

click here for!: "Just sending in a headcanon request for anything you want to rant about. Spencer, Lana, Spencer and Lana. You know, everything important. -🐈‍⬛"

click here for!: "thoughts on spencer and the reader coming out to each other as bisexual? thanks <3 btw i love your writing 🫶🏼"

click here for!: "i beg for ur thoughts on! spence with a touchstarved s/o? also possibly a touch averse s/o? (i am both and it's so fucking confusing like hug me but also if u touch my shoulder i will Cry)"

click here for!: "Do you think Spencer likes just normal prostate massages and toys or that he has to be pegged? HCs for that whole subject. Like if you buy him a vibrating toy and bend him over, what does he do? Pleaseeee"

click here for!: "Idk if you've done anything like this (i just followed you recently) but what do you think Spencer would be like when he's see you naked for the first time? Personally i think he'd just stare in awe and his eyes would slowly go over every little curve and edge as he takes it all in and might even pull you into his arms in a loving embrace as he just needs to feel your warm bare skin :(("

click here for!: "ok but would spencer ever be ashamed/shy about any kinks he has... like i feel like he'd be totally over-analysing everything and just burying himself into a hole until he finally blurts out his concerns and his s/o says 'why would i ever judge u bby???', and he's like :0 ps i love your hcs & ur fics 🫶"

click here for!: "have you ever seen that tiktok/reel of that guy talking abt how it's rly hot that when girls sit down their thighs 'double' in size, and all the girls in the cmmts r like 'wait rly I'm super insecure abt that 😭?!?!" and I was 🤔 if you could do smth w that for spencer! ty so much, if not feel free to ignore this! 🫶🫶"

click here for!: "Just imagine,, Spencer getting back from a long case (maybe two or three week long) and all he wants to do is melt into you. Like, he wants his mommy, but he's too scared to ask for anything so he's a bit whiny😩"

click here for!: "at this point i have a passive 'slutty spencer' train of thought just so i can send u asks about him anyway could u bless us with some needy spence trying not to wake u up but failing dismally bc he wasn't trying that hard anyway bc he wants ur attention so bad"

click here for!: "Was doing my psych hw last night thinking about how professor!Spencer would 10000% help u with your psychology work for his class … and maybe dick warm with u for a little motivation 🥹🥹"

click here for!: "I don’t think I’ve seen you do this headcanon, and since I stalk your page and reread everything like a weirdo (you’re such a good writer), but like…. Headcanons for Spencer Reid as a dad? Doesn’t have to be married, or he can be if you want. Just like…. Little early seasons Reid having a kid(s) vs later seasons Reid. Would he care if they inherited his intelligence? (Also like, breeding kink? Pregnancy kink? Lactation kink? Im sure there are more kinks related to this??) I need all your thoughts for real 😂😭"

click here for!: "hi can you do post prison spencer reid finds out that reader is a virgin"

click here for!: "Hiiii <3 big fan, love your work. Any thoughts on Spencer letting his submission show? not in a nsfw way, but still a bit scandalous. If you've seen The Secretary (i cannot recommend that movie enOUGH) you'll know what i mean lol"

click here for!: "i just wanna fucking play wrestle with spencer so bad 😣 i need that scrawny nerd to tackle my chubby ass and then i wanna pin him down and forget why we were doing this in the first place and messily make out with him. i guess i do have a nerdy man at my disposal anytime (my boyfriend) but he’s no fun. makes me have to imagine a fictional man 👎👎👎"

click here for!: "Do you think Spencer has a ‘type’?"

click here for!: "Mommy kink Spencer Reid. I just need all your thoughts because on one hand hello momma issues and on the other he has a psych degree and he is hyper aware of himself, and internalizes everythinggggg (You’re the HC OverLord/Lady/Pronoun of your choice and we all serve you)"

click here for!: "Thoughts on pervy reid? Like baby reid-season 12 is probably a hugeeee perv and then post-prison reid, the perviest perv of all of the pervy’s. But not like a creepy perv, like a perv with his s/o. I just said perv so many times that it doesn’t even sound real anymore"

click here for!: "IMAGINE GIVING SUB!SPENCER HEAD.. Like just IMAGINEEE?? Baby Reid, Glasses Reid, Post Prison Reid. Baby Reid, never had head before, would moan LOUDLY. like the slut he is. Thrusting up into your mouth and shit, each time you flatten your tounge over the head of his pretty cock he'd fucking CRYYYY from the sensations. Glasses Reid, would be fogging up those cute little fucking glasses from how much he pants. Would either guide your head just how he likes or would give your hair small tugs. But Post Prison Reid? God, He'd be so starved he'd whine and whimper through the whole thing, gently rubbing your jaw as you suck him off."

click here for!: "how long do you think spencer lasts in bed and how big is he"

click here for!: "Thoughts on touch starved spencer with a touchy gf?"

click here for!: "do you think spencer reid jerks off"

click here for!: "could i please have some hcs for how spence would react if his autistic s/o kept getting cut off when they were talking about a special interest? ty bestie i love ur writing sm"

click here for!: "Thoughts on Spencer being a horny little guy that just wants to cum? Hand, thigh, ass, leg, you got it and he's probably humping it🤷‍♀️"

click here for!: "more thoughts on spencer with a smart reader? i’m such a slut for him id learn anything just to have a conversation with him"

click here for!: "Thoughts on autistic Spencer? I know it’s ‘technically’ canon but I want to know what you think"

click here for!: "just thinking about sitting behind sub spence and helping him get off...maybe his hands are tied behind him and he's just sitting there squirming and sobbing cause you keep edging him, the poor thing. he'll start twitching madly almost at his high only for you to stop stroking and he's back to crying, begging to cum"

click here for!: "hcs of reid x reader recovering from wisdom tooth surgery? I got all 4 of mine out yesterday and it's so painful"

click here for!: "ONG I NEED MORE TRANS SPENCER HCS?? NSFW, IF THE BOY GOT TOP/BOTTOM SURGERY, ETC. ANY AND EVERYTHING."

click here for!: "wait.. vhs collector spencer?? thoughts? (or any vintage/old technology thing really) - 💐"

click here for!: "Personal HC bc i’m a little crafty girl but I think Spencer would LOVE making pompoms and shit like that. We already know that he loves to knit and i think he’s just a little crafter"

click here for!: "Hello, amazing writer and human being!!! Headcanons for what pegging Reid would be like? Like is he embarrassed to ask, does he bring it up or do you? Is it only when he wants to be completely dominated or the norm? Just all the thoughts because Spencer is both a certified munch and someone who deserves to be pegged til he can’t think!!"

click here for!: "HOLD ON YOU WRITE FOR CHIP TAYLOR?? GOD, 68KILL IS MY FAVORITE MOVIE RN I LOVE CHIP. I absolutely NEED submissive hcs for him if you would be so kind as to shareeee🙏"

click here for!: "bestie could u spare a thought about spencer utterly worshipping u and being adorably determined to make u feel better when ur sad(bc i've been crying for like 3 hours on and off and i'm so tired)"

click here for!: "I absolutely NEED Spencer hcs for when you and him have sweet sex. Like, GOD, the way he'd whine for you, squirming and absolutely writhing as you just slowly stroke him while playing with his hair."

click here for!: "all I think about is Spencer x autistic reader, or just nuerodivergent reader and the bond that they would share. Ps ily💞"

click here for!: "I feel like Post-Prison Spencer would be a bit scared to do anything with you at first after got out but when he does let you touch him oh LAWD He'd whine and whimper through EVERYTHING. Bro would be CRYING, Tears streaming down his cheeks and a nearly pathetic sob slipping from those insanely beautiful lips each time you clench around him or brush over his tip with your thumb"

click here for!: "even though it is SO ooc, my little goblin brain has been stuck on stoner spencer. obsessed even. dying. 🧍‍♀️🤸‍♀️"

click here for!: "Spencer with his pregnant wife. She’s near her due date and he basically has to help her with **everything**"

click here for!: "Istg Spencer probably LOVES bathing with you or like showering together. Little domestic shit(but I also feel like he'd probably enjoy shower sex, seeing ur body wet from the water🙌)"

click here for!: "Spencer being a sensitive little whore that gets hard at the bounce of a boob got me thinkinh I bet this man needs to rub one out at work from time to time, but at home I swear this man probably couldn't keep his hands off his cock or you"

click here for!: "Spencer would be such a little horny man istg. Like he'd wake up from a wet dream and be hard as a ROCK in his pants."

click here for!: "I’d really just like to request your most feral Spencer Reid headcanons. SFW, NSFW, raunchy, tame - whatever. Just your like “I will fight anyone who disagrees, they are fact” type headcanons.(Because I reread all your headcanons and love every single one)"

click here for!: "Slutty Chip headcanons?? (Slutty Chip sounds like his name haaa)"

[hyunverse]

just wrote a 7 page essay i am officially broken <//3. yes i agree it’s always nice to have pics of them up especially for motivation ^_^. i have a framed pic of my ult next to my bed LOL and skz posters everywhereeeee. it’s always nice encouragement when i need it yk ? hoping i get lucky and get a kpop roomie 🙏🏼 we shall see

ik it sucks 😔 they’re literally over 1,000 usd ?????? like what ???? i want to get mahagrid stuff rly bad too 🥲. jeongin is so nom-able ur so right. i was watching some of his vlogs last night and i am so jealous of his strong ass cheekbones. my mom always says i have them too but … it’s just fat that sits high up on my face 😭 i still have such a baby face and i hate it sm <//3333 I WANNA BE SEXY AND HOT, NOT CUTE 🙄🙄 i only look sexy hot when i straighten my hair and put on a ton of makeup 😠 which is like never 😠😠😠😠

hyune is def the nbhd bf i 100% agree. he likes lana del ray and cas and to me those are all equivalent sooooo u are very much correct ^_^. tbh idk what bf minho is … probably something rly cringe 😭 love him sm but his music taste can be a little .. ehhhhhhh let’s just say not my style LOL

YAYY that’s good, i’m glad !! i will gladly send you the air my love <333. i hope you had a good day today as wellllllll 😚😚😚😚 kisses 4 uuuuuu

- 🐈‍⬛

7 pages </3 i’m crying for u. in fact i am praying for ur sanity grace baby 🤝 nah bcs i be like Shit Lemme Unalive Myself while doing assignments then i look up 2 see my skz poster & immediately go Nvm ‼️a framed pic PLEASE love you for being extra 🗣 MAHAGRID STUFF </3 SO PRETTY </3 SO BROKE!!! also them loverboy beanies are so beautiful but they’re so mfing expensive like 😟

JEONGIN’S FACIAL STRUCTURE IS TO DIE FOR BRO like them nice angelina jolie cheekbones and the jaw 🤩 he’s so handsome. the fact that he knows how to dress too >>>>. 10 extra points!!! it’s okay my love u r beautiful!!!! i just know!!!! and i get u tbh i wish i was more sexy than cute 💔

THANK U FOR GETTING ME ‼️ minho would probably be a keshi boyfriend...💭 idk limbo by keshi feels so minho. i feel like minho would enjoy keshi songs too?!?! also!! listen... jeongin the laufey boyfriend bcs hes SO laufey coded and and seungmin is sooo taylor swift bf. idk if u will get me but pls see my vision here 🙏 everytime i listen to laufey’s valentine, i’ll think of jeongin. <333

im home for the weekend, so im happy rn. how’s your week so far? love u!!!

[christmasintheloonybin]

I remember being a kid well I know I've talked about this I was a lana obsessive in like 2013-14, I lost interest by the time ultraviolence came out. but anyways the "my pussy tastes like Pepsi cola" line I remember loving that because it's like such a strange thing to say and she says it with no irony or anything and it's just TOO lana or something. and I mean it's funny but it's also idk it's serious too and it's such bad writing and idk. that's the thing I liked and still like about lana the lyrics are so great just because they're sort of vacant and dead and not very good I mean it's like a collage of all these images and she's like a parody of a pop star or something but it's also so dark and so sentimental and serious. and genuinely emotional but empty and processed and you know pop music vague and open "I love my baby" type shit but so true at the same time because there is nothing under the surface.

after born to die I am not as familiar with her stuff, I regained interest in her a few years ago and started slowly listening to the albums that came out 2014 onwards. honeymoon I like A LOT. the rest idk. ultraviolence I mean I can appreciate it but idk. its like Morrissey or something I don't usually feel the need to listen to morrissey but when I put on some morrissey album I can listen to it on repeat all day because it's... idk inoffensive or something lol. it's good background ambience.

it was funny I remember a few years ago, and this still sort of happens, people will find some lana lyric from, well everyone knows born to die but paradise (which is imo much better and one of my favorite releases of all time) is still semi obscure and for example the Pepsi cola thing I remember people were going "OMG SHE ACTUALLY SAID THIS???" yes bitch get your poser ass out of here. there was another one doing rounds but I forget what it was. but I can't explain how formative it was for me being 14 and seeing the born to die music video and all the music videos from that time where I mean like her or hate her she had such a vision and created such a world and I mean genuinely if you want Americana there it is I mean she's the most American thing ever.

oh and funny story - when I was getting back into her stuff for the first time since 2014, this was in idk 2019, I mean born to die was all I wanted to listen to all the time. and where I worked there was this black guy who just got out of prison and I had to give him a ride home and I was always sort of embarrassed about what music I played in the car but I was so into lana I was like I do not give a fuck were listening to born to die feeeeeet don't fail me nowww lol.

[legreatsadbox]

snippets from a story i won’t write

Candles. So many candles. Candles as far as the eye could see. And they were scented too. She hated the scented ones. They felt like they were clogging up her head and making her vision misty. She could feel a headache brewing inside. Mindy hated this place. She didn’t want to be here. She hated weddings.

-----------

“Well that’s over now, I suppose,” said Leo. The mystery was solved, the wedding done and the guests were leaving. Leo had asked if he could walk her to the station.

“Yeah,” Mindy replied. -----------

Miss Rogers, would you care to dance? Oh! Of course. I wasn’t expecting to see you here, Vanderbilt. I’m related to the groom. We’re cousins. I see. And yourself? What brings you to this wedding? Jeanette and my sister know each other from university. They’re good friends. Unfortunately, my sister couldn’t make it. She asked me to come here on her behalf. Is your sister ill? I’d prefer not to discuss that. My apologies, Miss Rogers. -----------

“Lana! I came as soon as I could. How are they?”

“They’re both fine. Heather and the baby are sleeping now.”

“I wish you were there yesterday, Leo. I was so scared.”

“I’m sorry.”

----------- It’s been a pleasure. I must take your leave now. Are you not staying for the toast? I wish but there is some place I must be now. Goodbye, Miss Rogers.   Bye.

-----------

You don’t care, nobody cares, just leave! Melinda, wait! You must hear me out! I don’t want to hear another word from you, Vanderbilt! I’ve wasted enough time on this as such. Now just let me walk away from this. How far do you think you can run away from the consequences of your action? This will follow you all the way back. Shut up! Nothing matters to me anymore. You will regret this, Melinda. We’re not in an angsty novel, Vanderbilt. And don’t call me ‘Melinda’. It’s ‘Miss Rogers’ to you. -----------

Wait, don’t pull away...Not yet. Oh? I didn’t know you were into hugs this much. You don’t get it, do you? What? Nothing. Maybe another day. Fine. But I’ll have to let go now.

[ncssian]

A Favor: Part Twenty-Three

Nessian Modern AU

Masterlist

a/n: so yeah this isn’t my best work bc i havent been feeling great lately but i hope you guys can stay patient with me until i get my shit together. we’re almost to the end🤞

***

Sitting crammed between Elain and Feyre on the gray couch in Lana’s office, Nesta has to cross her legs prettily and pretend she doesn’t want to peel out of her skin right there. She doesn’t know what she was thinking when she invited her sisters to one of her therapy sessions, but she’s assuming it would be considered rude to kick them out now.

“Who wants to speak first?” Lana’s bob swings as she looks at each of them. The office is ice cold today, and Feyre and Elain’s presence doesn’t help the chill in the air.

Nesta crosses her arms before she can be asked to speak. “No, thank you,” she says. She knows everyone probably expects better from her, but no way in hell is she going to be the first to open up in front of this crowd. “Feyre,” she turns to her youngest sister instead, “why don’t you say something?”

“Actually, why don’t you set the example, Nesta?” Lana gives her a look, making her cheeks redden with irritation.

“Fine,” Nesta grumbles. She clears her throat. “As you can see, I have made moves to reconnect with my sisters. I invited them here because I hoped that therapy would bring us closer and also make them more… tolerable.”

Elain coughs, “Bitch.”

Nesta smiles tightly. “Elain could especially use this, I think.”

Lana is already frowning. She never frowns this early into a session. “We’ll start with an easy question, then. What’s been on your mind lately, Nesta?”

Nesta purses her lips, pretending to think. “Nothing important. I’m looking at jobs for the summer. I think Azriel keeps sneaking money into my purse, and it’s starting to become more than a little condescending. I caught up with some friends from school, and I was polite enough to pay for lunch.” She mentions off to the side to Elain, “Lucien was there, too.”

“Why would I care?” Elain sneers. She spies Lana’s disapproving look and lowers her head demurely. “Sorry,” she murmurs.

“That’s alright,” Lana says. “Why don’t you go next?”

“Me?” Elain’s head snaps up, and Nesta holds in her snicker.

“Start by describing your relationship with Nesta. I heard you two used to be very close.” Lana uncaps her pen, preparing to write.

Elain flushes lightly and folds her hands. “That was when we were children. The only thing keeping us together was that we shared a home. When we stopped living in the same place, some of us had no problem leaving others in the dust.”

“You can use my name,” Nesta rolls her eyes, “I’m right here.”

From the corner of her vision, Feyre cringes.

“Are you saying you feel abandoned by Nesta?” Lana continues probing.

Elain’s answering silence tells more than enough. Therapy must actually be paying off, though, because Nesta only thinks about interrupting and defending herself for a second before shaking it off. Her mind focuses on the word abandonment instead.

Lana is focusing on the same thing, because she leans closer and says, “Being abandoned bothers you?”

“I never said that,” Elain says indignantly.

“It would bother most people.”

Nesta watches Elain sigh and blink her big doe eyes at Lana. She’s always been able to use those eyes on anybody for anything. “I just don’t understand why I’m the villain for expecting a little loyalty,” Elain says sweetly. “Especially when you take a look at this face.” She cups her round cheeks. “You know psychology. How could you abandon this face?”

Nesta’s jaw hangs open. “Are we still talking about me?” She remembers Cassian telling her the story behind Azriel ghosting Elain, and a pang of guilt and pity hits her. She still hasn’t talked with Elain about why Azriel left Velaris, and she knows she won’t be able to decide whether to spare Az or not until she does.

“So that’s my turn,” Elain finishes up. “Feyre can go next.”

Lana is writing something sharply on her notepad, but she nods coolly. “Feyre, how would you describe your relationship with your sisters?”

“Oh, we don’t have time for all of that,” Feyre laughs awkwardly and waves a hand.

Nesta agrees, but the look Lana gives Feyre tells her that yes, they do have time.

Gulping, Feyre glances around. “Well, I was born last, so I guess that made me the outsider of the family. I never had much in common with my sisters, but now that we’re older I… hoped that we would grow past that.”

Translation: she hoped that once she found her happy ending in Rhysand’s arms, poor little Nesta and Elain would happily assimilate into her new community of wealthy friends, putting the cherry on top of her perfect life. And while Elain did that exact thing, it’s always bothered Feyre that Nesta won’t do the same.

Feyre continues, “I admit I’m not the best at understanding Nesta. Elain and I get along fine now, but Nesta…” Feyre meets her eyes. “It’s like nothing we do is enough for her, but for some reason I can’t stop trying.”

“Whose fault is that?” Nesta mutters.

“You want her approval,” Lana hums, taking notes.

“Is that what it is?” Feyre looks away.

Nesta refrains from saying yes, that’s exactly what it is, and it’s not my problem if you keep looking for something I can’t give.

“What are your feelings about that, Nesta?” Lana turns her focus to her. “Remember that this is a safe space.”

It really isn’t, not with two siblings holding long term grudges against Nesta. But once and for all, she’s going to set the record straight. “I spent most of my life being a bad sister.” Nesta’s voice is apathetic, straightforward. “I let Feyre take the burden of providing for us even though I was the oldest, and I didn’t know how to be anything other than cruel to my family. So once I had the means to do so, I cut everyone off for all of our sakes. I still don’t regret it, because being a stranger is better than being a bad sister.”

In that way, Nesta is a bit like her mother. Nesta was angry after her death, but she knows she would have been even angrier if Magdalene Archeron had lived and continued to be a disappointing parent. In that way, both of them are wise for leaving their families when they did.

“Or you could just be a good sister,” Elain interrupts with a drawl.

Nesta smirks bitterly at her. “I’d rather die.”

Feyre takes in a breath. “Why? Why are you like that with us?” She blinks furiously, and Nesta can see the simmer of her emotions. “It was okay when we thought you hated everybody, but you don’t. You only hate me and Elain.”

Nesta looks to Lana for help, but her therapist is sitting this one out. She sighs through her nose. “I don’t hate you,” she says, even though they might never understand. The next line comes with great difficulty. “I’ve loved you since before I even knew what love was. But I don’t like you very much, Feyre, and you don’t like me, either. Please stop trying to change that.”

When she finally meets Feyre’s eyes, though, they’re glimmering with tears. “How can I stop trying to change that?” Feyre whispers. “How can I give up on us like that?”

For Nesta to give Feyre and Elain the relationship they want from her would require nothing but lies on her part. And as much as she wishes she was capable of lying about this, she can’t do it.

Looking away and down at her hands, Nesta mutters, “It’s not fun for me either, but it’s how I am. I can’t be easy or friendly with you. I hate watching you try to make me be easy or friendly.”

Nobody says anything to that, but when Nesta looks up again Lana gives her a remote nod that Feyre and Elain don’t catch. Thank you for your vulnerability, it says.

“You said something interesting, Nesta,” Lana breaks the silence. “Did you see your sisters as your responsibility to raise?”

Nesta shrugs. “I was the oldest,” she repeats.

“Your father was the oldest.”

“He wouldn’t do shit even if you held a gun to his head, so I was up next.” Though Nesta hadn’t done shit either. Neither had Elain, but the rules have always been different for her. Elain redeems herself to others by handing out sunny smiles and pretending to have the intelligence of a fawn.

Lana stares at Nesta until Nesta’s skin starts to heat. “What?” she says defensively.

Ignoring the other two women in the room, Lana leans forward. “You told me once early into our relationship that part of the reason you left Tennessee was to get away from your sisters. You said you were heartbroken when they ended up following you here.”

Nesta doesn’t breathe or look to see her sisters’ reactions.

“Now I’m going to ask: did you really want to get away from your sisters, or did you want to escape the feeling of failing them?”

Nesta doesn’t know how to answer, because to her they might as well be the same thing. Having Feyre and Elain around is like having a weight tied to her chest. The lingering guilt every time Feyre is in a room, her existence screaming I’m the reason you’re still alive. Elain’s constant expectations of unconditional support and loyalty, whether it’s reciprocated or not. It’s all so heavy. And it all goes back to the fact that the three of them were once just helpless children.

If she couldn’t take care of her sisters, how is she supposed to take care of any child, ever?

Nesta releases a weary sigh. “You’re going to bring this up the next time we have the baby talk, aren’t you?”

Lana’s eyes sparkle. “Don’t get ahead of yourself just yet.” But Nesta can see from where she sits that her therapist’s notepad is covered in bullet points.

***

“I need to use the bathroom.” Feyre is hopping back and forth on her feet once the session is over. “You guys head down to the parking lot without me.” She exits in a rush, leaving the two sisters alone. Nesta hisses in frustration, nearly chasing after Feyre so she won’t have to face the inevitable awkward conversation with Elain.

By the end of the session, it was Elain that broke and pleaded with Nesta, “Don’t do everything we want, then. Just keep doing better, the way you’ve already been doing. I’ll be happy with just that.”

Nesta was surprised that Elain had even noticed her efforts, but she retorted, “And how do you plan to do better?”

To which Elain twirled her hair and murmured something halfheartedly about, “I might be more open to taking criticism or whatever.”

Though it was the absolute bare minimum, it was still a relief for Nesta to hear Elain admit that she has flaws worth criticizing.

Now, Nesta clutches the straps of her purse and turns for the stairwell leading to the parking lot. Elain follows without comment.

Inside the stairwell, Nesta asks, “Have you spoken to Azriel since he left Velaris?”

Elain looks surprised at the sudden question, and doesn’t remember to be guarded when she answers, “No. Why?”

Nesta shrugs, her heels thumping loudly on the linoleum stairs. “Because I know what happened between you two. I know why he left.”

Elain halts midstep, grabbing Nesta’s arm and turning to face her with wide eyes. “What do you mean, you know? He told you?”

“He told Cassian, and Cassian told me.” Nesta hardly cares that she’s being a poor friend to Azriel by spilling all this to Elain, and continues, “If I had known he was such a coward, I would have kicked him out of our place a long time ago… but I figured I would get your input on it first.”

She’s never seen Elain look so genuinely pleading before. “Get my input on what?” Elain breathes. “What did he say about me? Was it something I did?”

At that torn face that borders on heartbroken, Nesta decides that she’ll do more than kick Azriel out of the cabin. She’ll kick him off the whole mountain.

She shoves Elain’s back to get Elain detached from her and moving down the stairs again, and as they walk, Nesta spills everything she knows. She tells Elain about Rhysand’s talent of shoving his nose into places it doesn’t belong, and how one conversation with him managed to convince Azriel to ditch Elain for good. She tells her about how instead of having a straightforward conversation with Elain, Azriel chose to leave the city and hide out in the mountains like a pussy. She might sound blunt, but Elain needs blunt. She needs to know the unfiltered truth of things.

By the time they reach the floor where their cars are parked, Elain is silent. “Did he really say that?” she finally asks quietly. “He said he wants me to hate him?”

“That’s what I heard.” After a moment, Nesta feels the need to add, “You should hate him, though. He fucked up bad.”

When Elain continues strolling for their cars without replying, concern bites at Nesta. “You are mad at him, right? And mad at Rhysand? You’re not going to forgive them, right?”

“I’m not a total pushover,” Elain snaps. She stares at the cement ground as they walk. “I’m just… more disappointed than anything else. He gave up so easily.” She chuckles without humor. “It sounds like he was looking for an excuse to get away from me.”

Nesta frowns. “I don’t think he would’ve spent so long moping around our house if he wanted to leave you.” Though they can never truly know what Azriel was thinking or feeling until he grows a pair and talks to Elain. Still, she shudders at having to defend him.

“I take it he doesn’t mope anymore?” Elain says.

Nesta doesn’t know how to answer that truthfully. She knows there’s more to Azriel than he lets her and Cassian see, and she knows he’s gotten better at keeping his feelings to himself. So she says, “It looks like he’s doing better, but I really don’t know.” They reach Elain’s car.

“Were you in love with him?” Nesta suddenly asks. Or worse, is she still in love with him?

Elain digs around for her keys in her purse. “You know how I am. Of course I was.”

“Not anymore, though?”

Elain looks up, keys now in hand. “It’s hard to still feel love for someone I haven’t talked to in two months.”

Then it wasn’t real love. Nesta is relieved, even though it doesn’t change the fact that Elain is hurting either way.

Elain jabs her keys at Nesta and says sharply, “Don’t you dare punish him for what he did. That’s for me to decide on.”

Nesta’s brow creases in refusal. “I’ll do what I need to do, and you do you.” She’ll have to be careful with her plotting, though, considering Azriel is Cassian’s brother.

“No.” Elain surprises Nesta with the force in her tone. “He’s your roommate and your friend. Keep treating him like it.”

Elain makes it sound easier than it is, and Nesta wants to argue until she sees Feyre heading down the parking lot toward them. “Fine,” she grumbles halfheartedly.

Elain gives her one final long look, not of threat but something else. “Thank you—for inviting us today.” That’s all she says before getting in the driver’s seat of her little red car. At the same time, Feyre catches up to them.

“Where are you parked?” Feyre pants as she approaches Nesta. She sounds a bit out of breath, like she ran to get here before Nesta could drive off alone.

Nesta points down the lot to where her scrappy old car is waiting for her, and Feyre straightens up with a grim smile. “I’ll walk you.”

Nesta knows that arguing isn’t worth it, so she allows Feyre to trail her the rest of the way to her car. Once they reach the old thing, Nesta gives a curt goodbye and heads straight for the driver’s door. Before she can touch the handle, Feyre attacks her from behind with a hug.

“Get off me, freak!” Nesta tries to jostle her way out of Feyre’s arms. She tries being nice to her sisters one time and this is what she gets—

Feyre only squeezes her tighter. “You don’t have to hug back. Just let me love you my way.”

Nesta squirms for another second before stilling. Swallowing tightly, she stares at the reflection of herself and Feyre in the car door window. One of her hands goes to where Feyre’s hands are clasped around her stomach, and she stands there without moving. She can’t remember the last time she shared affection with a family member like this, but it must have been before their mother died.

The warmth at Nesta’s back doesn’t leave, like Feyre is trying to pour all her understanding into the hug. Silently saying, I’m finally starting to get it.

In a way, Nesta is starting to get it, too. After all, how do sisters with such a complicated history begin to forgive each other?

Not by apologizing, but by doing better in the future.

***

On her way home, Nesta remembers at the last minute to stop by Gwyn’s apartment to pick up one of her sweaters. She doesn’t know when Gwyn started raiding her closet like it was a free mall, but she has a school event next week and doesn’t plan on letting her nicest clothes rot at Gwyn’s forever.

Nesta enters using the key beneath the doormat, knowing Gwyn is at work and won’t mind her stopping by. She scans the living and dining areas for a glimpse of brown cashmere, but only finds scattered books and a disorganized mess. Her fingers twitch with the urge to stop and tidy up the place, but she continues hunting for the sweater. Gwyn promised it would be waiting in plain sight for her.

Realizing the scatter-brained girl probably forgot to put the sweater out for her, Nesta pauses in the hallway leading to Gwyn’s bedroom and bites her lip. She doesn’t know if bedrooms are off limits or not, considering how often Gwyn and Emerie have barged into hers, but she knows she doesn’t want to make a second trip here just for a sweater.

Without giving it further thought, she strides into Gwyn’s room—

And yelps to find Gwyn on the bed.

Except she isn’t alone, and there’s definitely another body under the dark green blanket with her, and whoever it is definitely has their head between her legs.

Nesta spins away at the same time she hears Gwyn’s cry of surprise. She braces one hand against the doorjamb and presses the other to her freezing cold face, not having any words for what she just saw.

“Nesta?” Gwyn calls from behind her. “What the hell are you doing here?”

“Um, have you seen my sweater? It’s the expensive one.” She’ll just grab it and leave. Or maybe she’ll just leave—yes, that sounds like a good idea.

“Nesta?” a new, deeper voice repeats.

Gwyn hisses, and Nesta freezes because she recognizes that voice. She wants to be wrong so badly, but she has to whirl back around to confirm for herself.

“Azriel?”

***

a/n: i decided to cut this chapter short and add an extra one to flesh out my silly little gwynriel subplot. so if there’s anything specific or random you wanna see happen in the next chapter tell me bc i might have space for prompts!!

tagging: @hellasblessed @sjm-things @thewayshedreamed @drielecarla @valkyriewarriors @superspiritfestival @aliveahaahahafuck @cupcakey00 @sayosdreams @rainbowcheetah512 @claralady @thebluemartini @nessiantho @missing-merlin @duskandstarlight @lucy617 @sleeping-and-books @everything-that-i-love @cassianscool @swankii-art-teacher @wannawriteyouabook a favor: @awesomelena555 @julemmaes @wickedqueenoffantasy @poisonous-bloom @observationanxioustheorist @gisellefigue08 @courtofjurdan @theoverlyenthusiasticwriter @wolfiixxx @cass-nes @seashade @royaltykxx @illyrianundercover @queenestarcheron @monstrousloves-explodinggalaxies @humanexile @that-golden-lyre @agentsofsheilds @mercy-is-alive @cassiansbigwingspan @laylaameer01 @verypaleninja @maastrash @bow-dawn @perseusannabeth @dead-on-the-inside666 @jlinez @hungryreadingaddict @anidealiveson @planet-faerie @shallowhighwaters @ghostlyrose2 @chosenfamily-valkyriequeens @rarephloxes @readiajin @nessiantrashh @live-the-fangirl-life @ifinallygavein @xoblivisci @sjmships @jungtaekwoonie-is-life @lysandra-tiara @lanyjoy-13 @frosted-crackers @post-it-notes33 @loosingdreams @fromthelibraryofemilyj @18moneytoad @dontgetsalmonella @champanheandluxxury @togreblog @arinbelle @ladygabrielli1997 @meridainthedisneyland @moodymelanist @pixieelea

[nosebleedclub]

The Dark Suburb

((Posting again because the original post on June 11th, 2017 6:09pm is no longer available due to me deleting and re-making this blog.))

This is a compilation post of Nosebleed Club prompts from 2015-16 revolving around the concept of “the dark suburb.” 

Family Melodrama

something is wearing your mother

oh god his intestines strung up on the christmas tree

your dog’s body all over the house

banging on cellar doors

a creaking sound in your dead sister’s bedroom

warriors with spears and shields painted on the dining room ceiling of a violent family’s mansion

a woman in an expensive coat and an expensive car headed to her nephew’s funeral

coming home to a completely alien mother

getting a doberman on christmas morning that won’t let you leave the house

the reason your parents fled the city to live in the suburbs

summers in palermo where your father was looking for something

mother’s breakdown in the supermarket

the supernatural car you and your twin got for your 16th birthday

parents strangely and deeply interested in the boyfriend you brought home

a mom urging her son to quit basketball; she senses something is not right

all the holes - dozens of them - your mother dug in your backyard

grandparents hiding the reason your parents are away during your winter holiday break

your best friend doesn’t want to go to your house anymore

grandpa’s ghost followed us into the new house

dad hates her bc she killed her twin in the womb and then her mother

Do I Love You?

your boyfriend’s basketball shorts, his boy-aroma, his ghost between your legs when you watch the video of his last game

girls kissing in a gas station convenience store and a third recording them on snapchat

the boy you like drawing flowers on your ap biology practice test when you switch tests with him to grade

walking across a supermarket parking lot by yourself thinking of a boy you love

red mouth

girlfriend scrubbing the blood off her arms in the bathtub

in a tiny white house in florida, sitting on a beer-can-covered counter, legs spread apart, a boy between them

in a drug-induced haze i left home for his semi truck

he never fucked me without his ski mask on

a girl and a girl and claw marks on the door“don’t ever take me back”

The Occult

the incantation that annihilated a whole suburb

a body that drags other bodies into an oven

the witches gathering in the red lake

inhuman sacrifice

dogs gathered at the edge of town refusing to cross the boundary to the outside

a 10 year old girl with memories of a serial killing spree that occurred when her parents were children

white shirts hanging on branches all over the woods

the town of three-eyed children

arrows raining down on a soccer field

feeding time

mysterious scratch marks on your back

a fairy ring in the field where your sister disappeared

Crimes

just throw it in the back

snap!

we found the body but not the head

clearing in the forest where police found a blessed severed head

jar of baby teeth as evidence

children dressed as angels at the crime scene

seeing a face you thought you buried ten years ago at the supermarket

half a fraternity frozen under a lake

fbi agents rolling into a tiny town in appalachia

a severed arm among the hydrangeas

young men howling on the bridge one year after the murder

police cars prowling through your neighborhood, one after another - watching this from your bedroom window

Teen Dream

getting whipped by a towel in the locker room

best friend making the varsity tennis team

taking a shot of vodka in the bathroom after second period

boy gets a boner during gym class

“i’ll be like helicase i’ll unzip them genes (jeans)”

drunkenly reciting the quadratic equation

fear-mongering homecoming queen

track star died in a car accident

dead bodies photography club

“sorry i fucked up here’s some ice cream” “i’m lactose intolerant you douche”

article about demonic possession in the school newspaper

last pool party before summer ends & her hand on your thigh in your dad’s sports car

the first day back from summer vacation & someone in your friend group brings the whole #squad starbucks

a bonfire, lana del rey & drake blasting, the moon

weekend road trips to the ocean

walking around on the track alone, contemplating some philosophical concept you read about on tumblr the night before

coming out to someone completely random - a junior varsity basketball player

the last homecoming dance

lying on the track at your high school after sunset

getting picked up really early in the morning to go on a spontaneous weekend road trip

the sunday after the homecoming dance where you’re kinda tired kinda still energetic from the night before

inside a fast food restaurant drinking milkshakes eating fries until it closes

chill basement party where there’s white balloons gold confetti / glitter two girls who love each other kissing

sitting in the backseat your parents occupying the front of the car you look out the window you see the rural countryside crawl by

pool pizza party at night simple pleasures like that

on the bleachers during a powderpuff football game

sweating so much you might as well have been swimming it would be embarrassing but all the other boys are sweaty too

lost in the suburbs at like 5am and the world is still pale blue

lost in the city at 5pm the sun sinks its head behind skyscrapers

fights on the lawn of an all boys private school

applying makeup the morning after a breakup

huge friend group made up of oracles + boys’ swim team + legendary heroes + valedictorian

aesthetic blogging on a sunday afternoon just chillin in your bedroom

feeling like you could be something big if you work hard enough at it

getting psychoanalyzed by your teachers and parents and extended family

school bathroom pale blue tiles

a dream with damien hirst-esque elements

sleepover at your friend’s villa and you’re the only one awake

looking out at a black sea from your dead cousin’s bedroom window, seeing a light in the distance

funeral mass

chill that runs down your friends’ spines when you enter the classroom the morning after they tried to kill you

the sickness that spreads through the high school

sometimes i was a body in a dump sometimes i was a saint

he said he’d snapchat my burning body to all his friends

my body was evidence she was trying to get rid of

poison disguised as an eighteen year old

a world war between us

$$$

first: “super rich kids” by frank ocean

fast cars flecked with blood

girls who know you won’t be prosecuted if you’re young and rich and pretty enough

snapchat of a boy with red eyes and a glass of dom perignon with the text IS MY LIFE FUCKING REAL

snapchat of a girl’s dad’s black amex with the words MONEY CAN’T BUY HAPPINESS BUT IT GETS CLOSE

taking your middle-class friends out to nice restaurants but knowing they’re with you mainly for the money

“dude i know you’re only a year older than me but sometimes i think of you as my sugar daddy”

traveling to punta del este to find yourself but losing yourself instead

identifying heavily with the versace logo

an imperial bedroom and all one feels is the weight of all that empty space

“even my funeral has to be luxurious”

Hometown Visions

three dead owls on the side of the road

trees bare, houses barren

lanterns lit up on the dirt road at night

moths in a forgotten shed

a dusty old attic filled with dead rats and flies

seeing half your face in a splintered mirror. washing machine making dangerous sounds

midwest: watching a tornado funnel form from a window that won’t shut all the way

grass in the yard growing tall

girls carrying stray cats home

a cellar door swinging open and a man you never wanted to see ever again stepping through it, into the light

snake skins and insect carapaces organized on a torn mattress

a lovely place god abandoned

bat-filled house at the end of the street

a girl crawling out of a burning car

birds in jars

Hide & Seek

not being able to find anyone in a dark forest because they actually left you and it was just a cruel prank

person seeking you is something much worse than what you thought they were

being trapped in your hiding space & no one can find you no matter how loud you call for help

hiding in your friend’s house and finding evidence of a vile crime their parents committed

finding half of your friend

[bluetiefling]

all is #complicated in the court of peter and catherine the great || songs curated by @beavesaintmarie​ || edit by me || listen youtube spotify

what kind of man - florence and the machine || “you’re a holy fool, all colored blue, red feet upon the floor, you do such damage, how do you manage?”

gemini feed - banks || “but admit it that you wanted me smaller, If you would've let me grow you could've kept my love”

you should see me in a crown - billie eilish || “bite my tongue, bide my time, wearing a warning sign, wait ‘til the world is mine”

a little wicked - valerie broussard || “one of these days a comin’, I’m gonna take that boy’s crown, there’s a serpent in these still waters, lying deep down”

mind games - ren || “I just moved into your head, gonna stay here for a while, taking up my headspace, sleeping in your brain, I swear this boy is deadly, he loves these silly games”

tempt my trouble - bishop briggs || “but we’re not friends, and we’re not lovers, we’re just trouble”

enemy - charli xcx || “you’re the only one who knows the way I’m really feelin’, now it’s really clear to me, you could do a little damage, you could cut me deeper, maybe you’re my enemy”

norman fucking rockwell - lana del rey || “god damn, man-child, you fucked me so good that I almost said, ‘I love you’”

lie - halsey ft. quavo || “oh, you're turnin' red, 'cause I'm tryna' give the impression that I get the message you wish I was dead”

good in bed - dua lipa || “You always let me down, boy, but when you going down, I get so up”

hate me - ellie goulding & juice wrld || “it’s a thin line between all this love and hate, and if you switch sides, you’re gon’ have to claim your place”

irresistible - fall out boy || “I’m gonna get you to burst just like you were a bubble, frame me up on your wall just to keep me out of trouble”

bad romance - lady gaga || “I want your love and all your lover’s revenge, you and me could write a bad romance”

the last of the real ones - fall out boy || “I am a collapsing star with tunnel vision, but only for you, my head is stripped just like a screw that’s been tightened too many times, when I think of you”

pistols at dawn - seinabo sey || “I was the emperor and you owned the son, invincible, I can't believe what we've done, surely we must be more than love on the run, dancing in darkness to the sound of a drum”

everybody wants to rule the world - lorde || “so glad we’ve almost made it, so sad we had to fade it, everybody wants to rule the world”

[neocity-sarai]

Heartstrings

❂ reader x mark lee (soulmate au, inspired by the film “Weathering With You”)

❂ alerts: fluff, angst, self-blame, mentions of death, drinking, making out, mentions of the dreamies, happy belated birthday to the greatest rapper, laugher, and watermelon-eating fiend ever! this was 40 pages- i’m so sorry

❂ song rec: raining in london by lana condor and anthony de la torre

Soulmates. Weather. Uncontrollable and unpredictable- yet they control your mood and your fate. It’s been this way ever since you’ve been born, even since the beginning of your parents’ time. Your mother and father called it a force of nature- a phenomenon when you’re connected to someone like an invisible string, a syncopation of voices, thoughts, and feelings. Luckily for them, they fell in love when they were just college students and miraculously became soulmates. You always thought it was lucky that they met and were destined to be together from that moment, forming a family by having you in the future. It made you think of the what ifs. What if they didn’t meet or if your mother had someone else when your father was around? What if they loved each other but weren’t soulmates? What if you ceased to exist? It makes you shiver when you think about it. 

During middle school, you vividly remember a collection of memories. Happy ones and unfortunately, not so good ones. Your father had died when you were 14, a drunk driver had recklessly crashed into the family van on the highway when your father was driving to work. Even 4 years after, your mom became extremely frail at heart from the grief. She always had a wine glass in her hand, sobbing every night when she’d enter every room of your family’s home. You were just a kid when she told you she saw your father on every wall and every photograph. She missed him. She told you that she wasn’t able to heal so quickly. Understanding, you rubbed her back on the floor of their bathroom, dumping the remaining liquid out of her smeary glass. She just sobbed into your arms, shakes rupturing her entire body. It made you feel broken and somber seeing your own mother like this. Still, you had to be strong for her. 

The weather outside was cold and dark. Rain crashed down on the window pane like a series of dashes and lines. The clouds seemed angry, lightning flashing like shooting stars and thunder roaring like a legion of lions. It was extreme and powerful, water flooding the streets and your front yard. You were sure the peonies that you had planted with your father were now washed away in broken stems. It seemed like you had an ocean of water outside and inside your mother’s bathroom. The feeling of hopelessness did not stop. That’s when you heard a pin drop. It was a subtle but also a loud sound, something possible to ignore- it was the sound of a realization: your father always loved the rain. No matter how chilly it was, he always enticed you to dance in the rain as he held his arms out, a grin plastered on his face. His smile always stretched from ear to ear. It’s something you never forgot. 

You wiped your mom’s tears with your thumbs, “Mom?”

Your mother coughed, her eyes red and puffy, “Yes, honey?”

“Can I show you something?”

“What is it?”

“Just trust me.”

You took her by the hand, leading her through your dark and empty house. You made way to your backyard door, opening up to your water-logged lawn and a cloudy sky. Everything was a dull grey but was touched with splotches of periwinkle blues, it can’t be all that bad. Letting go of your mother’s hand, you begin to advance into the middle of the grass, spinning and twirling as hard as you can. You spread your arms out before sticking your tongue out to the rain above, droplets cold and fresh. You screamed out to the sky, “I love you dad!”

Your mother watched you with her lips pressed into a thin line, leaning on the pillar of your roof. You motioned to her, “Come on, mom- maybe dad’s up there watching.”

She pauses for a moment, reluctant of what might happen if she indulges in the thought. She decides that there’s nothing to lose. There’s nothing to do but own it anyway. She flies into your arms, your figure supporting her weight. You hear her sigh out when she feels the soft patter on her cheeks. Small water droplets litter her eyelashes, the cold soothing the puffiness of her face. She shuts her eyes for a bit, relishing in the icy, chilling feeling. Both of your shoes are flooded and covered in mud but it doesn’t matter. For the next several hours, you both laugh as loud as you can, running around your backyard. You both lay side by side on the wet grass, the green tufts under your fingers. Your mom turns her head towards you, smiling, “We will be okay.”

You nod, nuzzling your nose into your mom’s shoulder, “I won’t let anything happen to us.”

You hate the world. You hate how unfair it is. You wish you kept your word. That night, your mother had fallen asleep on the couch. Even though you had insisted on running a bath, your mother refused out of exhaustion. That one second has landed you and your mother in the hospital. The doctor had told you that your mother had come down with a severe case of pneumonia- it’s already scarred the lining of her lungs. The damage is irreversible. He’s also told you that your mother isn’t likely to survive due to her past conditions of frail health. You sit in your mother’s hospital room, clutching her hand as she sleeps. You think to yourself: Hasn’t the world taken so much from you already? Haven’t you experienced too many sacrifices? Your mind shifts into shadows. If you hadn’t suggested going out in the rain, would your mother be better? If your mother dies, isn’t it your fault? Soulmates? Do they even exist? You hate the idea of waiting for someone, pining for somebody that might never show up. The world is silly. You cry into her hand until you can’t breath. You let go of it, making your way to the bathroom down the hall. Every doctor and patient that stares at you looks like a blur in your vision and your heart feels like it’s going to explode from it all. You can't stop rewinding your life like a broken movie reel, visions of your mother and you and your dad. 

“Whoa there, slow down-”

A pair of arms catches you and an unfamiliar voice makes you bite your tongue on accident. When you look up, you’re met with the view of a boy- a cute one at that. You’re not in the mood to compliment him, to say anything. Still, through your blurry tears, you are wary of him. He seems like a boy that you could get to know but one that could wear the face of an innocent but actually be the devil in disguise. He’s too pretty to be average. His black locks are the color of ash, his eyes are dark and sparkly with innocence. Oh yes, he has sharp features too. His jaw and his cheeks are carved like seared gems, his eyebrows thin lines below his bangs. He wears a pair of denim jeans and a striped sweater. You take note of the annoyingly polished tag pinned on his sweater: “Mark Lee” it reads.

“Are you alright?” the boy asks again. 

You just stare up at him, tears running down your cheeks like foggy waterfalls. You can’t smell, see, or feel. All you can do is lightly shake your head. Weirdly, he seems like he understands, “Can I help you find someone or a room? I’m a volunteer at this hospital.”

You shake your head again, a little too violently. You sniffle, your voice sounds small, “I just want somewhere that’s away from people.”

Apologetically, Mark nods. “I may be able to help. I just need to change first, yeah?”

“No, I- it’s alright. I don’t-t need help.”

Mark waves his hands around, “It’ll only take a few seconds, I promise.”

Why should you trust a stranger? Your mom always reminded you that your father was a stranger to her at first. Sometimes, you never know where it leads. You check the time on your phone before turning to see the direction of where your mom’s room is. 

“Only a few minutes.”

You let Mark lead you to the bathrooms. He turns to you, frantic and he seems a little nervous, “Give me a few seconds. Don’t leave, okay?”

“Okay.”

When Mark comes out, he’s dressed in scrubs. He wears a grey shirt and matching pants, his tag now on the pocket of it. He looks like one of those hot nurses that helps the pregnant woman who’s screaming her lungs out in Grey’s Anatomy. You don’t say that to him though. He walks with you, “Follow me- uh.. what’s your name?”

“I-It’s y/n.” After passing a series of corridors, Mark unlocks some obscure door that’s a little ways down, shoving his ring of keys into the lock, “I come up here to think, maybe it could help you.”

“Is this even legal? Couldn’t you get fired for letting me up here?”

Mark rubs the back of his neck, his eyes on you, “Well yes, but I think you’re worth it.”

You make a face at him,“Why? I’m a stranger?”

“Not to be all sappy but my supervisor told me that in the medical business, you always have to take chances- this me taking a chance.”

You scoff, “Thank you for your charity, I’ll be going up now.”

Mark’s eyes widen at your brazen attitude, “I’ll wait down here. Just knock on the door when you’re ready to come down.”

When Mark opens the door, all there is a concrete staircase. But when you emerge to the top of the staircase, it’s everything in one place. Your breath hitches in your throat when you see it. It’s a rooftop. The sun sets on the city’s horizon, silver clouds rolling in to threaten waves of rain. Lightning flashes in it again, thunder booming just like that day. You walk around the rooftop, watching how high up you are and how the skyscrapers touch the vastness of the sky. When you turn around, you see something peculiar. A japanese-like shrine stands in your view, decorated with hanging lines of colorful lanterns and photos. Making your way to it, you recognize that the photos must be of victims that have died at the hospital. Flowers and bells hang from the red-painted posts. Under the arch, sits a small fountain that’s been collecting rain. It looks so old, covered in moss and grime. Though, if you peer hard enough, there are names inscribed into the stone. You step forward under the arch of the shrine, the bells ringing in the wind. But, when you do, it doesn't feel normal. It almost feels like all of your emotions and senses have been amplified. Somehow, you can’t hear anything. You can’t hear the twinkle of the bells or any wind. When you stare down at the fountain, you don’t believe it when you see water droplets floating upwards. You use your finger to touch the droplets, the small spheres floating into the sky in a stream. Gravity doesn’t work like this, does it? You try to grab the water droplets, they still continue to slip out of your hands and into the air above. How is this possible?

You dip your finger into the rain water that sits in the stone bowl, ripples forming. Something shocks your veins like electricity, it makes you clutch your heart through your chest. What was that? You run out from under the archway, suspicious of it all. Is it some sort of prank machine? Either way, you want to get back to your mother. You run out from under the archway, one prayer couldn’t hurt. It's silly, you don’t go to church much. Still, you clasp your hand together and you pray as hard as you can. You pray you can walk in the sun with your mom again, that your father is happy, and for everything you’ve ever known.

Opening your eyes, you run back down to the staircase before swinging the door open. You spot Mark tripping, his legs are a tangled mess, “Whoa- what the-”

You eye him suspiciously, “Why’d you lean against the door? I was clearly going to open it..”

“I thought you were going to knock! You just caught me off-guard is all.”

Despite having just met, Mark nudges you, “So, how was it?”

You eye him again, wary of him, “I’ll give you credit for the view- it was beautiful. I wanted to ask though, what was that shrine up there?”

Mark stops walking, cocking his eyebrow up, “What? There was a shrine?”

You stop walking as well, “The big red archway, fountain in the center? Colorful lanterns and photos? Can’t miss it unless you’re blind?”

Mark laughs nervously, his nose scrunching in mock-pain, “My eye-sight isn’t the greatest so..”

“There’s no way you could have missed it, I literally saw it the moment I got up there.”

“Maybe it’s new- I was just there last week and didn’t see anything like that. Maybe you need to check your eyes?”

“I have 20/20 vision, thank you very much.”

Mark raises his hands up in mock-surrender, “Yes sir- I mean, mam’’”

By the time you make it back to the hallway where you had run into Mark, you turn to him, “Well, this has been interesting. Goodbye, stranger.”

Mark giggles, “You know my name though- I know yours. Are we really strangers still?”

“Yes. We met like 10 minutes ago.”

You notice the pink blush that creeps onto Mark’s cheeks, his words coming out it a stuttering ramble, “I-I’d really l-like to ask-”

Before Mark can ask you his question, probably for your number, you're interrupted by your mother’s nurse running out to you both, “Y/n! I’ve been looking for you, it’s your mother. You need to come now.” Her facial expression does not look good.

You nod, “Bye Mark, thanks for uh- your time.”

Mark opens his mouth, “Y-yeah, no problem, uh- y/n, yeah- I’ll see you around?”

You follow the nurse, “Maybe.”

Later that night, your mom had passed away. And two years later, you had blamed yourself for it every single day. Not only did your prayer not work, your mind was absent of the boy who helped you onto the roof. You couldn’t didn’t want to even remember his name or why you had run into him.

2 years later 

>I wonder if it’s raining in London

I wonder if the moon looks the same where you are

Still think about the sound of you humming

Singing to nothing in your car

Ever since your mom passed away, everything changed. You started to live with your aunt in her cottage home that was little ways out of the city. She had a rose garden out front, white and red bushes overgrown on the picket fence. Your aunt promised to invest in your parents’ property but thought it’d be good for you to spend the summer at the cottage. You could classify it as a time of healing, though most nights were spent thinking about your parents. You would spend the summer helping your aunt cook meals, plant flowers, and play with her beagle named Mosby in the wheat fields. At least, you weren’t entirely alone.

Eventually, it was time for you to apply for universities- a possibility that wasn’t even your orbit at all. Even so, strange things kept happening. Even when it was raining, no matter where you stepped- the weather changed in an almost too quick of an instant. If you wanted it to be sunny, the moment you stepped outside, the rays would emerge out of the obsidian clouds. If you wanted snow to play in with Mosby, it would snow even in the late June summers. It was odd, like the weather gods were at your beckon and call. This phenomenon only happened after that day you touched the fountain’s water, only after you walked under the archway of the shrine. You decided that there was no use fighting it. Of course, you were bewildered with your newfound power- though after a while, there was nothing to do but embrace it. There was something that your mother and father taught you since you were a child: help those who could be helped. Going around the city for errands, you observed people. For instance, a woman was telling her friend in the grocery store how disappointing that it would be raining during her baby’s 1st birthday. After collecting your items, you walked outside, clasping your hands together. You said in your mind, “Let us have sunshine for today.”

And of course, the weather forecast had announced that there would suddenly be no chance of rain. You could imagine the woman’s joy. You saw a young girl- about the same age as you running past you on the street as she tripped over her heels and fumbled in her tight office outfit, grumbling at how hard the rain was coming down. You wished for sunshine for her too. It was like the gods gave you a gift and it was your duty to use it for good- it’s what your parents would have wanted. Towards the end of the 2nd year, you told yourself that you wanted a change in scenery. It was time to do something worthwhile for yourself. Luckily, you got into the university of your choice and were on your way to moving to campus. There’s this erratic beating in your chest. Is it excitement? Anxiety? Fear? Probably a mix of all 3. As every coming of age movie, it’s all the same. Your aunt had helped you move into your dorm room, reassuring that you could come home or to the cottage whenever you wished. Thanking her, you press a kiss to her cheek before rearranging your boxes of belongings. Perhaps, this was the start of a new chapter. 

First day of class

First period is english 101. The university looks nice, it’s very castle-like with high-rising towers and turrets made of carved stone. Students sit in the courtyards in their friend circles, coffees in their hands as they sit under the large juniper trees. Though it is a sunny day, the forecast shows that heavy rains will stir into a monsoon. You keep note of that. Walking into the lecture hall, you take a seat towards the middle row- not too close to be picked on but not too far where you can’t hear. The professor is some old guy who’s been studying philosophy for 3000 years and you hope that you don't fall asleep before he’s done. You rest your chin in your hand, twirling your pencil on top of the desk surface. Suddenly, the entrance door bursts open with a loud noise, causing the hundreds of the students in the room to turn their heads. A boy stands there, he drops his books recklessly. The professor pauses his lecture to lower his glasses, “Mr. Lee? You’re tardy, son.”

The boy scratches the back of his neck, doe eyes pointed at the man, “Sorry Professor Norman, the rain held me up.”

“Go take a seat.”

You hear the girls behind you giggle from the sight. All you knew was that he looked oddly familiar to you. The boy climbs the stairs, standing on his tiptoes to look for an empty seat. When he spots one, a grin is plastered on his face as he makes his way nearer and nearer to you. You realize that there’s an empty seat right next to you. It’s painfully embarrassing as you watch the boy fumble his way behind other students, murmuring I’m sorrys and pardon mes. One of his notebooks falls out of his worn down jansport backpack, a girl batting her eyelashes when she hands it back to him. Smiling charming at her, he whispers, “Thanks for that.”

Finally, after 4 years, the boy manages to make it next to you. You scoff when he accidentally swings his backpack into the side of your arm, “Oh god, I’m so sorry- “

You nod curtly, “You’re fine.”

Now that you can get a closer look at him, you feel sweat bead up on your back when you realize where you’ve seen him. It’s that boy- the one the night your mom died. He reaches his hand out, “Hi there, my name’s Mark. Mark Lee.”

You stare at him for a bit before reluctantly taking his hand, “Y/n.”

As much as you don’t want to admit, Mark looks as endearing as ever. His black  locks are still the same, eyes shining from the dim lighting. He smells of the sweet rain, water droplets wetting his hair and his shoulders. 

>I wonder if you look any different

And would I see the years that have passed on your eyes?

There’s still a little part of me missing

I no longer recognize

Mark turns to you, his eyebrow quirked when he says your name on his tongue, “Have we met before? You seem familiar?”

You shake your head, “I don’t know anyone by the name of Mark so, I guess you’re the first?” Why did you lie to him?

Mark nods, “Ah, I see.”

Mark ruffles the water out of his hair, opening his soaked notebook, “Ah shit, the rain got in my backpack.”

You can’t help but chuckle a little, “I can lend you some of mine?”

Mark’s eyes widen at you, you swear you can see a faint blush creeping on his cheeks, “R-really? I swear I’ll pay you back.”

“No need, here.” You proceed to tear some sheets out for Mark. His presence is kind of comforting- like some childhood friend. Wait, what? No- you barely know him. 

You and Mark listen to the rest of the lecture in silence. When it’s time to go, he zips up his backpack before turning to you. He’s extremely red now. He bites his bottom lip, “Hey, I um, I was wondering if we could exchange numbers? I still want to pay you back for the paper and you’re new right? If you’re not, don’t worry about it but I don’t know, I just in case you needed me-ah, never mi-”

Before Mark can turn away, you look at him, “I’d like that. I could use a friend- being a newbie and everything.”

With that, Mark lights up, “Wait, really?”

“Sure.” You hand your phone to him, “Pick a good emoji.”

Mark’s fingers fumble with your phone, catching it in time before almost dropping it. He chuckles nervously, “Don’t worry, I got it-”

You smile, you’re sure your cheeks hurt from it. 

“There you go Mark, you have my number now.”

“Cool. Good. Yeah.”

With that you wave him a curt goodbye, “See you around?”

Mark smiles back at you, teeth gleaming white in between his lips, “Yeah y/n, see you around.”

With that, you go home to your dorm room. When you look out the window before sleeping, you count how many droplets sit on the windowpane. The stormy skies angrily from swirls of obsidian and murky lavenders. You hope that Mark won’t be caught in the rain again tomorrow.

In class the next day, your professor assigns group projects during lecture. Because you happened to sit next to Mark, you were paired up together. You both didn’t mind though. Mark pulls out his notebook and fountain pen, yanking the cap off with his teeth, “So, I wanted to ask if you wanted to go over the project during lunch?” 

You nod at him, “That works for me.”

When class is over, you follow Mark to the university’s cafeteria. It’s teeming with students and professors, lunch hour is always chaotic. Mark points at an empty table by the window, “How about over there?”

Before you can answer him, many voices call Mark’s name. He swivels around to see a group of boys motioning him over to their table. He glances at them before waving them off in refusal. You nudge him slightly, “We can go say hi if you want, I don’t mind.”

Mark runs a hand through his hair, making it stick up in some parts, “Are you sure? I don’t want to take too much of your time?”

“Let’s go, your friends seem nice.”

Mark scoffs, “Please, they’re hardly my friends.”

When you both make your way to your table, you’re greeted by a series of hoots and hollers. Mark introduces each of them. He points at a taller boy, brunette, and as handsome as hollywood’s greatest movie stars, “This is Jeno.”

Jeno smiles at you, his eyes crinkling into crescent moons. You’re sure your heart made flips at that. The loudest boy is named Haechan, jostling Mark by squeezing his thigh jokingly, “Is this your girlfriend?” he asks. You and Mark simultaneously shake your heads, refusing Haechan’s teasing. The next is Renjun, he seems more stoic than the rest. Similar to him, a girl whose hair is the color of burgundy plums sits beside him. Freckles dot her face, contrasted to the blueness of her eyes- you have to admit, she’s very pretty. Still, Mark introduces her as Lana and when you introduce yourself, it’s like daggers are being shot through her eyes. You suspect it has to do with Mark being next to another girl. When you’re finished introducing yourself to everyone, Haechan lets out a burst of laughter, “Y/n’s so sweet, if you don’t take her then I will!” as he slaps Jeno’s shoulder, Jeno rolls his eyes at the boy. Mark stares him down, grabbing your hand, “Y/n and I have a project to work on, we’ll be going now.”

You shout out a quick nice to meet you back to them, your eyes shifting to Mark’s fingers around your wrist. You don’t say anything as you let him drag you to the library- your hand becoming a little clammy. You hope he doesn’t notice it.

Sitting at some empty table near the shelves, he turns back to you, “Sorry about that back there. They’re rambunctious. They must’ve made you uncomfortable right?”

You smile at him, shaking your head, “Not at all really, they seem fun. You’re very lucky.”

Mark’s mouth makes an ‘o’ shape, his eyes widening. You gesture to his fingers, “Mark, you’re still holding me?”

In a flash, Mark drops your hand, his palm flying to his mouth, “Oh god- I’m sorry, I didn’t even realize-”

You place your hands on his shoulders, “Mark. It’s okay. You’re okay.”

He nods slowly, trying to fight the blush that creeps up his neck and his cheeks. He shakes it off, you realize how endearing he is. He sits down, opening up his philosophy books, “So, what should we do for the project?”

You twirl your pen in your hand, “Well, Professor’s prompt was we have to discover the secret of life right? What does that even mean?”

Mark knits his brows together, pouting his lips, “Good question. I think that’s what the assignment is- discovering it for ourselves?”

“How do we do that?”

“Let’s start making a bullet list. I do that when I’m weighing options.”

Mark starts to scribble on his notebook. “What does life mean to you?”

You look at him, your eyes instantly catching his. You have to look away. Life. Weather. Soulmates. Aspects of your world that you can’t fully understand. Your mouth feels dry. You think back to your parents, moments that you play in the dark by yourself, the things that you would do and experience but can’t. The words kind of tumble out from your lips, “Mark, do you believe in soulmates?”

Mark freezes. He sits in silence for a few seconds. He bites his lower lip, “It’s difficult to say. I mean, my parents are soulmates so I’ve just grown up thinking that I’ll have my own one day? But no, I don’t have anyone.”

You nod. You kind of mumble, “Yeah, I don’t have anyone either. I almost don’t want to believe in them.”

“Is there a reason why?”

“Not really, I just don’t get how two people can randomly become synched.” No, it’s because you’re afraid of love. You’re afraid of what will happen if you love someone so hard and they leave. 

“Ah, I see.”

You clear your throat, “Anyways, back to the prompt. What does life mean to you?”

“I think it could be a variety of things, my family, my friends, school? But I’m assuming that Professor doesn’t want generic answers. He said the creative category weighs the most points.”

And then it clicks in your head. Your gift- it’s what ties you back to your mom and your dad, seeing people happy when you are able to bend the weather to your will. You’ve never told anyone before. You thought people would look at you weird if you told them. Should you tell Mark?

Mark scrolls through his phone, long eyelashes accentuating the hood of his eyes. His lips pursed when he presses his fingers to the screen, “Hey- sorry, this is off-topic but what do you think is going on with the weather? Like one day it’s a hurricane and then sunny the next. Everyone’s talking about it on Twitter.”

“Mark, can I show you something?”

Mark snaps his head up, “Is everything okay?”

You smile, “Just trust me.”

You hand him his belongings as he messily shoves them into his backpack, “Where are we going?”

“Just don’t freak out.”

Mark makes a face at you, “When you say that it makes me freak out.”

You lead Mark to the roof terrace of the university, climbing the stairs in the pouring rain. People below run under the canopies as they use their books to avoid the rain. Mark gulps, “You know, I’m not the best with heights-”

You plant your feet on the ground, clasping your hands together. In your head, you repeat the words like a mantra, “I want sunshine today, let the heavens be sunny upon us.”

And like instant magic, glowing white rays start to sear the blackened clouds, the rain starting to cease. In the middle of the dark ocean above, patches of deep blue begin to emerge. Mark runs to the terrace railing, “Holy shit- are you doing that?”

When the rain is completely dissipated, you glance at Mark who’s staring at you with utter awe in his eyes, “I’m going crazy right? Is this some weird trip or something?” Mark’s voice cracks, his fingers clenching the base of his throat. 

You shake your head, “No, this is my gift. You’re the only person who knows about it.”

“You have the power to make it stop raining?”

“Not only that, but all weather forms. Whenever I pray.”

Mark clasps his hands together too, closing his eyes as he murmurs types of weather, “How come it’s not working for me? I go to church all the time with my family.”

You sock his arm, “No silly, it’s not normal for everyone. Just me.”

Mark lets out an elongated whoa, “How long have you had this gift?”

Suddenly, your throat turns hoarse, “Since my mom died.”

He stammers, his words coming out in a  trail of apologies, “I’m so sorry, I didn't know- I-”

“It was a long time ago. Still, I think I was given this gift to carry on my parents’ legacy, their connection of being soulmates even.”

Mark nods quietly. “That’s so cool. I’ve never met a weather girl before.”

You laugh at his nickname, “Weather girl huh? Has a nice ring to it.”

“I’ll change that to your contact name, you can bet on that.”

“I don’t doubt it.”

“So, what do you do with your gift? How do you know when to change weather patterns?”

“That’s the thing. I don’t. When I walk around and I see or hear that someone need’s weather for a specific day, I try to help them out. I thought I’d try to do something good.”

Mark runs his fingers over his hair, “That’s amazing. That’s so admirable of you to do that.”

“It’s what my parents would have wanted. I do it for them too.”

Mark stands up straight, his finger pointing at you. It looks as if a light bulb is going off, “Say- I have an idea for our project. What if we started a business?”

“What do you mean by that?”

“Hear me out- we can call it Weather Girl Service. We can talk about money management and leadership skills in life, because that’s what adults do right? Pay taxes and bills?”

You laugh at his silly idea, “But why Weather Girl Service?”

Mark hops excitedly up and down, “We can make job postings in the city and have people pay us by the hour if you change the weather to fit their occasion! We’d be rich by the end of it! But wait- only if you agree, I don’t want to make you do something like that if you don’t want to.”

Shrugging your shoulders, you smile at him, “I’m up for it if you are. I don’t mind.”

“Really?! Are you sure?!” Mark looks like an overly-excited school boy, his backpack jumbled because of how fast he’s jumping. He scrunches his nose, fistpumping the air, “We’re so getting an A on this.”

“Yes, I sure hope so!”

With that, you and Mark plan to meet at your dorm room the next day to get started on the project. He texts you later that night, “3 pm sharp right?”

“Yes sir, 3p m- my room.”

“Alrighty, see you tomorrow!”

When 3 pm comes, Mark stands at your door, his hands full with a box of materials and supplies. 

You giggle, “You sure got reinforcements.”

“I have to be prepared!”

For the next several hours, you and Mark spend time designing different posters and infographics to upload online and staple to bulletin boards. Mark’s got a mark cap in his mouth, brows knit in concentration as he writes on his notebook.

Mark snaps his fingers together, “How about this: Weather girl at your service, you call and we’ll be there to help you get the memories that you want- birthdays, grad parties, work events, you name it! Submit your info to this number here!”

You flash him a thumbs up, “It’s perfect. I love it.”

All day you and Mark run around the city- posting your posters and fliers from anywhere you can find. You post them on benches, town hall bulletin boards, and the street lamps that line the sidewalk. And the whole time, you never take your eyes off Mark’s wide smile and sparkling eyes. You don’t catch that whenever you’re turned away, Mark glances at you to admire your features, your hair, and everything in between. Around 6pm, you walk beside Mark on one of the bridges that extends over the river. The sun sets in the horizon, colors of sharp marigolds and blush pinks paint the sky above. There was no way that you and Mark were going to run around the city in rain. Sighing out, you watch the sun cast a faint glow on Mark’s cheeks and the slender of his nose, making him out to be a painting that belongs in the museum. It’s almost like if you took a paintbrush that you could paint him yourself just to memorize it.

Mark fists the air in victory, “We had a very productive day today, don’t you think?”

You nod, “Of course. I don’t think anyone can resist our offer.” 

“Thanks for doing this with me.”

You’re suddenly caught off guard by Mark’s gratitude, though it is not too out of character. “I had fun today with you.”

Mark smiles at the ground, twirling when he walks like he’s skipping to the beat of his favorite song. You hear him mumble a cute, “Me too.”

For the rest of the way, Mark walks you back home to your dorm room. Even though you told him you were fine, he still insisted. 

“Well, this is me.” you say.

Mark scratches his nape, readjusting the strap of his backpack, “I’ll see you tomorrow then. The grand opening.”

You nod, “Yes, bright and early.”

You turn away from him as he watches you enter your building. You instantly wish that you could’ve placed a hasty peck to his cheek. It seemed irresistible in the moment. Though, you remind yourself to not get too comfortable. Little did you know that Mark spent the whole night thinking about you.

>But if I had met you today

Would I have loved you the same?

And if I had known it would take

Ten years and twenty-two days to stop loving you

Stop loving you, no

First day of business

“Mark, is this yours?”

Mark sits in the driver’s seat of his sunny yellow van- the kind that you’d make deliveries in. It looks bright under the gloomy, rainy skies.  He honks his horn obnoxiously once and twice as he scrunches his eyes together before saying, “Get in loser, we’re going shopping!”

Laughing, you launch yourself into the seat before Mark takes off with a faster speed. You shout, “If I die in a car accident today, half of the money we make goes to my aunt okay?”

Mark playfully rolls his eyes, “Stop it y/n, I’m the best driver in town!”

“Yeah, right-”

The first stop happens to be one of Mark’s dad’s friends. He requested that he was going to surprise his wife with an anniversary dinner and needed sunshine for that specific hour: Saturday, 6pm. When you arrived at the pretty farm home, the man greeted Mark instantly when you got out of the van. He shook your hand, eyes anticipating, “Is it true? You can really change the weather?”

You smile at him, “You need to see it to believe it and I’m here to deliver.”

The man puts his hand on Mark’s shoulder, “Here’s the compensation for your work today. I have to ask one favor of you.”

Mark quirks his eyebrow up, handing the wad of cash to you, “What’s that?”

“My wife and I want some private time, we’ve paid you extra so that you can watch our daughter?”

Mark’s jaw drops, “Watch your daughter? As in baby sit?”

“Yes, that’s right. We will give as much as you need.”

Mark runs a hand through his hair, his eyes widened, “I don’t think-”

Before Mark can answer, you cut in, “We’d love to. What time does she need to be back?”

“8 pm.”

“Deal.”

Mark stands next to you, his face utterly flabbergasted from your confidence of the deal. You can tell that he’s freaking out inside. He’s panicking and it shows on his face. 

“Mari, please come out! One second-”

Through the front door, the man guides his 7 year old daughter to you both. And you’re sure that your heart does flips when you see her. She’s dressed in a princess dress, her eyes fluttering from sleep. She’s the spitting image of her father. She drags a blue blanket in one hand, rubbing her green eyes, “Daddy?”

Her dad motions to you and Mark, “You’ll be hanging out with Mark and y/n today. Mommy and I will be back in a few hours.”

“Okay..”

The man tells you about everything you need to know, when Mari needs to go to the bathroom, what she likes to eat, and every little thing she likes to do. 

“I think we’re all set now, any questions?”

You shake your head, “No sir, we’ll have her back by 8.”

He nods at you, “Good, see you both later.”

With that, Mari is left in yours and Mark’s hands. You crouch down to her level, waving at her lightly, “Hi Mari, my name’s y/n. Me and Mark will take you out today okay?”

The girl slowly blinks, clutching her blue blanket even tighter, “Are you my mommy for today?”

How have you not exploded from her adorableness yet? “Yes, just for a little bit until your real mommy comes back.”

She reaches up to cling to Mark’s pant leg, plopping down to sit on his shoe, “And you’re my daddy today?”

Mark glances down at her and back to you. He squeezes his eyes in mock pain, running his hand over his hair, “Sure, I’m your daddy.”

You nudge him, whispering, “She’s a kid, try to be nice.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

When you hop back in the van, you have Mari sit in your lap as you place the seatbelt over her body, making sure she is secure. Mark revs up the engine, driving slowly to the next location of requests. It doesn’t take long for Mari to fall asleep on your chest, you coo at her peaceful face. 

“I’m not good with kids- what did we get ourselves into?”

“Don’t be such a worry-wart! She’s so cute, look at her!”

“Can’t, I’m driving.”

“Don’t be grumpy Mark, you’ll have a family with your soulmate one day.”

“I thought you didn’t believe in soulmates.”

“Agh- you know what I mean.”

“Will she be okay when we’re working? We have 2 more requests to do.”

“She’ll be fine, relax.”

The next destination you arrive at is a farmer’s market at the heart of downtown. When Mark parks the car, you wake Mari, “Mari? Mark and I have to work so you just stick with me okay?”

Mari mumbles a disoriented reply, her cheek still resting on your shoulder. You arrive at a fruit stand where an older woman approaches you, “Mark and y/n?”

Mark smiles at her, “That’s us- you called the Weather Girl Delivery Service?”

“Yes. The other farmers didn’t want to believe me but I swear, I wanted to take a chance with this. As you can see, we can’t have our market with all this constant flooding and rain. It’s like the weather’s been on steroids.”

Mark flashes her with a thumbs up, “That’s why we’re here, we’ll get to work right away.”

“Y/n?”

You step forward to Mark, “You’ll have to hold her.”

Mark’s eyes widen with surprise, “Uh, okay.”

He cradles sleeping Mari so awkwardly, you have to guide his hands to support her bottom, “Mark, you have to hold her up or she’ll slip.”

Mark fumbles with his hands before adjusting her so her chin is on his shoulder, “I got her, don’t worry.”

You nod before making your way to the center of the market. Clasping your hands together once more, you pray that the sunshine will blow away the cyclone of the shadows and falling rains. Miraculously, it does. When you turn around, the woman stands next to Mark in awe spreading her arms out in glee, “It works! Haha! Take that you old goons!”

The rest of the farmers stand under the shade of the fruit stand, grumbling at the woman’s victory. You give her a hug once she sends you off with a wad of cash and three freshly squeezed juices for all three of you. When you settle back into the car, Mari still stays rested on your lap.

“See, that wasn’t so bad.”

Mark rolls his eyes, a smirk plastered on his lips, “Okay, you win this time.”

“By the way, is this your first time holding a child?”

Mark laughs, “Don’t even patronize me right now.”

The third destination is a bit more serene. You arrive at an elderly woman’s home, her home similar to that of your aunt’s cottage. It’s decorated with wood and bamboo shoots, bells and windchimes hang from the roof shingles. Knocking on the door, the woman greets you. She’s an elderly Japanese woman, hair tied into a loose bun as she motions you to come inside with her cane, “Come in, come in.”

You both slip off your shoes, Mari awake as if sleep was a distant memory. The woman leads you to her dining room, pots of orchids and perilla leaves grow all over the counters and sink. There’s colorful painted murals of people and sceneries on the walls, smeared from the passing of time. History moves within the walls in a series of blurred colors. 

“Something to drink, kids?”

You and Mark decline, prompting Mari to mumble, “I’m thirsty.”

You hear the rumbling noise from Mari’s stomach, it is around lunch time. You ask for the woman for a glass of water but she waves you off with a smile. Instead, she cuts a slice of peach pie for Mari, the crust smells of cinnamon and nutmeg. She passes a pitcher of lemonade to you and Mark, sucking on lemon slices as she works.

Mark sits next to you on the bench by the dining table, “Thank you for the hospitality mam’, there’s no need to pay us for your request.”

You smile at Mark’s words, not wanting to take from the elderly woman either. When she’s done putting away the pie, she meanders over to you slowly as she pats down Mari’s silky black hair, “You kids are awfully young to have a child.”

Mark chokes on his tea, sputtering the liquid into his glass. It sends him into a coughing fit, “S-she isn’t our child- we’re just watching her for the day.”

You jokingly hit Mark’s back to get him to stop choking, “Oh no, we’re not married either- we’re just friends.”

The woman raises her brow like she knows some unspoken secret, “Friends?”

You and Mark glance at each other before awkwardly averting eyes. Even Mari talks with her mouthful of pie, “They’re my mommy and daddy for today!”

Mark mutters, “I’m not your real dad..”

The elderly woman is amused, her smile creating creases on her cheeks and on her temples, “Are you two at least soulmates?”

This time, you answer her almost too hastily, “No! We’re only classmates- friends- that’s all.”

Mark looks at you, the sparkle in his eyes dimming a bit. Was that disappointment? Hurt? His shoulders are drooping and his lips are pressed into a thin line. Did you say something wrong? It was a fact though, you and Mark weren’t soulmates.

You try to brush it off. The woman leans on her cane, “I need you kids for your strength. I would do it myself but as you can see, I’m not as young as I used to be. Help me move the orchids out back.”

Mark makes his way to the kitchen sink, roots overgrown on the counter top. You move Mari off your lap before turning to the elderly woman, “Could you please watch her?”

The elderly woman chuckles, “Sure, I have enough pie to keep her distracted.”

You politely thank her, making your way over to where Mark is putting the orchids into glass vases. He doesn’t say a word. You nudge him with your elbow a bit, “Is everything okay?”

His eyes are trained on his busied hands, “Mhm.”

“Mark, you don’t seem okay.”

“Nope, everything’s good y/n. Are you alright?”

“Well yeah, but..”

Mark bites his lower lip, “Good.”

He grabs both vases in his hands before walking over to the sliding door, leaving you alone with your thoughts. He definitely wasn’t okay, you don’t want to push him any further. Instead, you pot the rest of the succulents and flowers in the kitchen.

“You know, that boy likes you.”

You turn around to see Mari snuggling up to the elderly woman, her dimples popping out from smiling. 

“Mark? No, we’re just partners for a school project.”

“That may be true but I’ve lived a long time, I know what love looks like. After all, I had a soulmate too.”

You lean against the edge of the counter, picking off the stray leaves off stems, “Let me guess- they left?”

“To the afterlife if that’s what you’re referring to.”

You stay silent. You’re not sure what to say. 

“Child, have you been hurt in the past?”

You snap your head up at her, setting the flowers down, “Why do you ask that?”

She clicks her tongue, “Being ignorant to feelings doesn’t count as being oblivious. Don’t let your past rip you of your opportunities.”

Your eyes shift to Mark standing outside, he sticks his hand out in the rain, water droplets crashing against his palm. 

“With all due respect, you don’t know what I’ve been through.”

“Shoot it at me. Guilt? Sadness? Grief? You forget I’m old. I’ve seen things.”

Mari pokes her arm, playing with the ribbon on the woman’s sleeve, “Can I have more pie?”

The woman frowns down at her, “You’ll be sick if you eat so much pie, wait for dinner.”

Mari huffs in response, brows furrowed in annoyance. 

“My point is, y/n, you have to learn to accept outcomes and heal. Don’t be stuck on your mistakes and your missed trials. Learn and grow from them. Ask yourself of purpose. Why are you doing this project? Why with that boy?”

Before you can answer her, you’re about to say it’s for the grade, maybe for the extra money. Deep down, you know that it isn’t that. You turn to look at Mark outside. He’s standing in the middle of the woman’s Japanese garden, eyes shut under the falling rain. And you swear, you’ve never seen anyone who’s any more beautiful. He looks so peaceful standing there, hair becoming wet from it. It reminds you of that day. 

She continues, “In my time, I’d normally enjoy the rain. But, my flowers are dying so I need you to bring the sun for today. I haven’t felt that ever since the city’s been raining non-stop.”

You nod, you know what you must do. You stroll over to the sliding door, opening it up to the garden. You approach Mark in the middle of the grass, watching him as he sticks his tongue out. When he opens his eyes, he jumps from being startled by you, “Whoa, how long have you been standing there?”

“Not long, I just wanted you to enjoy the rain about longer before I- you know.”

“Oh, right, go ahead.”

You do what you do best.The old woman steps onto her porch, Mari flying past her to catch up with you and Mark. You savor the coldness, the breeze, and the scents of drenched flowers. You want to try something new, something that you can see and feel all in one moment. In our head, you visualize a million colors. You think about the walls of the elderly woman’s home and the sunset glow on Mark’s face, your mother’s familiar smile. You think about Mari’s laugh and all the people you’ve made happy today. It paints tangerine oranges and lavender streaks, explosions of electric blues and sparkling greens. Clasping your hands together, you wish on the stars to send your vision into the sky. When you open your eyes, Mark’s holding Mari in his arms as her mouth falls open from the view. It worked. The sky above your heads has become an ocean of color strokes, clouds and stars swirling together. It’s the best configuration you’ve ever made. It looks like a real-life kaleidoscope. 

“Holy shi-”

Mark stops his words when he feels Mari’s small finger poking his cheek, “Look at what y/n made!”

You smile, pressing your hand to Mari’s head, “I made it for you! Do you like it?”

Mari squeals, “ Yes! Yes! Daddy, lift me higher!”

Your eyes fall on Mark’s. He gives you a knowing smile, eyes soft with adoration and glittering under the shooting stars. He lifts Mari onto his shoulders, “Hang on tight!”

She yelps, placing her hands on his head, “I want to catch the stars!”

Mark begins to spin around lightly, making airplane noises from his mouth. You laugh at the sight, turning to look back at the elderly woman. She winks at you, leaning on the pillar of her makeshift watering station for her succulents. After playing around under the cosmos, you finally greet the elderly woman goodbye, thanking her for her advice. Though you and Mark refuse, she shoves her cash into your hands, telling Mark to treat you- she says you're both welcome to her home anytime. Afterwards, you and Mark drop Mari at home as promised. You feel your heart swell when Mari starts to cry, Mark pressing a kiss to her cheek before setting her into her father’s arms. He assures her that you and Mark will come to visit sometime, inviting you both to dinner in the future. Of course you agree. 

Mark drives you back to campus, walking you to your doorstep as always. He pulls out the money, splitting it evenly in half before handing it to you, “Your share as promised of course.”

You nod, taking the cash from him, “You know, doing this job- money is a bonus but I’m not doing it for that.”

Mark chuckles, his hands in his denim pockets, “I’m glad we can make people happy.”

A silent beat. “You know, uh, about earlier- I didn’t mean to come off weird. I think I was just in my head about something, I’m not sure.”

You’re not usually someone who makes the first move. The first leap. Mark doesn’t even have the slightest clue about what he’s doing to you, how he makes you feel. Do you like him? You’re almost certain of the feelings. You step forward, your nose almost brushed against his chest. Gingerly and slowly, your fingers find Mark’s hand, it makes him gulp from the sudden contact. His eyes are widened in confusion and you think he’s forgotten how to breathe. Looking up at him, you say, “It’s fun doing this with you- I’d rather not do it with anyone else.”

Mark nods but doesn’t say anything. His hands are shaking. You can hear the erratic beating in his chest and it takes every bone in his body not to grab your face and kiss you right on the spot. When he doesn’t say anything, maybe you think that you’ve scared him. Maybe he doesn’t feel the same way. You step back a bit, the air becoming less tense, “I’ll see you tomorrow okay?”

“Okay, yeah.”

Mark opens his mouth to say something more but you’ve already shut the door. In Mark’s head, he’s let out a string of curses. Why didn’t he do something? Why didn’t he say something? Why is he such a coward? He asks himself. Is it the right time? What if you don’t feel the same way?”

All night, he beats himself up for it, tossing and turning in his bed. 

The next couple months in your university fly by. Ever since that night, you and Mark continued as if nothing ever happened. One thing that did change was a gloomy, ominous blanket over the city- it almost felt apocalyptic in a sense. Weather forecasters predicted that with such heavy and continuous rains- the flooding, the city would be underwater in the next coming year. There might be an evacuation.

Still, you took it upon yourself to savor the time you would have left in the city. One of the things on your list was you wanted to get to know Mark’s world better. You know that he can’t eat dairy, he absolutely hates the texture of yogurt and he’s able to eat watermelon flavoring by the shot. It’s gross but it sounds like him. You and Mark eat at all your favorite lunch spots, watch comedies in the theaters, and hang out in each other's rooms. The business is going well, more and more people submit their requests for sunny days and sunsets, sometimes purposeful rain to play in. Mark drives in his sunny yellow van, sticking your hand out the window as your favorite songs blare from the speakers. You even have dinner at Mari's house. Her parents are shocked to hear that you and Mark aren’t together yet. The blush on your cheeks are the shade of ripe cherries. At the school, you sit with Mark’s friends practically for every meal. Everyone is fond of you, except Lana. Every time Mark tells stories about wacky customers or talks about how excited he is because you both received an A in philosophy class, Lana gives you a look. Vice versa, Mark glares at Haechan whenever he gets too close to you, he doesn’t say anything.

 You and Mark had started the business in the summer, the weather outside is more autumn-like now. You have to wear a scarf to class because of how chilly it is.  Leaves change to shades of burgundies and browns, falling off trees when they’re ready- it almost signifies the start of a new season- a new chapter of your life. 

Autumn

>Where did the time go?

You became someone I used to know

Where did the time go?

When you became someone I used to know

Used to know, used to know, used to know

Business Partner Mark Lee: “Y/n, the boys and I got tickets to the new amusement park. Wanna come?”

You text Mark back during your statistics class, “Of course, I’ll be there.”

Business Partner Mark Lee: “Meet us there at 6 pm. After that, can we talk? I need to ask you about something.”

“Okay.”

Going back to your dorm room, you walk with a pep in your step. You wonder about what Mark wants to talk to you about. Will he finally say something? Is it about the business? Does he think you’re too mean with your teasing? Anyway, you dress up in a cute outfit of your choice- nice shoes, a cotton knit sweater, and a corduroy skirt. You even tie your hair with ribbons that Mark gave you as a congratulation for 100 customers' gifts. You bought him a guitar pick then. 

By the time you reach the amusement park, you meet up with Haechan, Renjun, Jeno, and Jisung. Chenle had choir practice and Jaemin was on a date with some girl. Mark and Lana are nowhere to be found. 

“Hey, guys.”

Haechan sees you first, swinging his arm over your shoulders, “There she is- beautiful y/n.”

You attempt to push his weight off, “Haechan, you’re heavy- you’re going to break my shoulder bone.”

Jeno laughs, “I don’t think that’s actually possible.”

Renjun jumps in, “What should we do first? Ferris wheel? Laser tag? Mini-golf?”

“We’re not doing rollercoasters, not the upside down ones.” Jisung rolls his eyes, chewing his mint flavored gum.

Haechan smirks, “Jeez Jisung, you’re no fun- you can stay on the ground and video record us like a grandma.”

Renjun shoves Haechan, “I’m with Jisung on that one, unless you want puke all over your expensive jacket.”

“Fine, me and y/n will be up there.” Haechan leans down to whisper in your ear, “If you get scared, you can hang on to me.”

You awkwardly pat Haechan’s chest, “I don’t think that’ll be necessary, thank you.” Haechan raises his eyebrows, his lips upturned in a smirk, “Whatever you say, y/n.”

You know that Haechan has a crush on you. Jeno and Jisung had told you so out of curiosity but doubted it from the start- they knew you had your eyes on Mark the entire time. Haechan could never compete. 

“Where’s Mark and Lana?”

Renjun snaps his fingers, his eyes lighting up, “Oh yeah- Mark told me he was picking up Lana. I think they were hanging out before this.”

Haechan responds, “I’m not surprised. I think Mark will ask her out today, their families have known each other since birth.”

Your heart sinks. Oh, so there was someone else. It’s probably why Mark brushed you off that day. Probably why he’s never said anything since. You feel a bit sick in your stomach and you haven’t gone any roller coaster yet. You had spent this whole time pining for someone who’s not going to like you even as close as you like them. It’s been one-sided.

You’re interrupted from your thoughts when Jisung waves excitedly at Mark and Lana, both of them side by side. You feel weird about it. Renjun straight up, his finger pointing to the air, “Let’s do laser tag first, I call dibs being team captain.”

Jeno laughs, his eyes crinkling when he does, “Then I’m the other team captain.”

“Hey, y/n.” Mark comes up from behind you.

“Hey Mark. Hey Lana.”

 Lana says a barely audible, “Hey.”

Once you’re all split into teams, it goes like this: Jeno’s the captain of your team, you, Haechan and Lana are on team red. Team blue consists of Renjun as captain, Mark and Jisung. To compensate for the lack of team members, team blue gets a head start in hiding. When the game begins, you just try to have your best to have fun. You dodge around the glow in the dark pillars, aiming your gun at Renjun as he angrily fists the air from running out of ammo. Haechan and Jisung fight off to the death, freezing each other out. By the time the hour is done, it’s down to you, Lana and Mark. You try to devise a plan with her but she doesn’t seem to engage with you. All she tells you is, “I’ll get Mark out.”

Was that a warning? A phrase of double meaning? Maybe you’re just overthinking it because of envy. Down to the last three seconds, Lana and Mark face off in the middle of the playground. Before Lana shoots him, Mark fires first- the obnoxiously blaring alarm sounding off team blue’s victory. Jeno throws his gun down in frustration, you pat his back in comfort as you watch Mark laugh with Lana and Renjun. Who were you kidding? 

Haechan shouts, “Let’s go on the dragon ball coaster next!”

When you’re all in line for the coaster, Haechan whispers a joke about the man who’s dressed as a clown a few feet away, enticing park-goers into the circus tent. You laugh at the joke. To Mark, he’s burning with jealousy. He watches when Haechan, his friend’s lips almost touch your ear, your giggle from Haechan’s flirting. Mark tightens his fist, averting his eyes from a scene. He has yet to tell you but he’s waiting for the right moment. He doesn’t want to come off as the overly-jealous boyfriend when you aren’t his. He snaps out of it when Lana tugs his arm, “Can we go in the tunnel? I’m not good with coasters.”

Before Mark can answer, Renjun jokingly gags, “The tunnel of love? You guys are bound to moochie mooch in there huh?”

When Renjuns says such a thing, you don’t hear any of Haechan’s jokes anymore. You don’t hear the sound of Jeno jostling Jisung and Jisung whining about it. You just wait for Mark’s response. He stares back at you in silence, Haechan even stops talking to look at Mark looking at you. Your eyes trail down to see Lana’s clutch on Mark’s arm, tightening when she makes eye contact with you, “Mark?”

You can’t hold it in. It just falls out from your lips, “You two should go, there’s limited seats in the coaster cars anyway since we have an odd number.”

It’s like someone’s fed you bitter medicine. You grimace at your words, almost regretting them instantly. Jeno and Jisung give you a knowing look, they know. Haechan laughs, “Very true point y/n, you guys can head along.”

Mark ducks under the cue line, Lana scrambling to follow after him. Everytime she tries to cling on to him, Mark removes her hands politely, declining. It makes you feel even worse. Jisung and Jeno carry on with their conversation. Haechan looks at the pair, “They make a good couple don’t they?”

You just nod. Maybe they do. After the roller coaster ride, you don’t feel any better. Jeno and Haechan are screaming to go again and Renjun and Jisung opt to go get snacks at the candy shop by the merry go round. Haechan nudges you, “Let’s go again?”

You smile at them, “Actually, I think I’m going to go home. I don’t feel well- I think I ate something that expired this morning.”

Jeno frowns, “Are you sure? We can take you home if you want.”

Waving your hands in refusal, “No, no, you guys have fun- I’ll see you in class on Monday.”

You begin to walk away from them, a rising feeling in your stomach. You dig your fingernails into the skin of your hands. Do not cry right now. Mark’s just one person. But you know that it hurts too much to forget about him. You almost don’t hear it when Haechan is shouting at you to wait up, grabbing your wrist.

“Y/n? Can we talk? Oh-”

It’s too late. The dam is broken, your tears are starting to blur your vision. Not right now, not in front of Haechan. 

“Y/n.. what’s wrong?”

You sniffle, swiping at your eyes, “Nothing. I’m okay, I’m just tired and stressed about the business.”

Haechan’s face softens, he’s fiddling with the zipper on his expensive suede jacket, “I know this isn’t a good time but if I don’t say it now, I don’t think I can. I really, I mean really, like-”

You cut him off, “You like me. Right?”

Haechan becomes still. He freezes, slow blinking, “How did you know?”

“Any girl who can’t see it is more than oblivious. And, I appreciate it. I love you but not in the romantic way. I love you because you’re kind to me, you’re witty, and you make everyone in this group so happy. But I-I just I can’t- ”

“It’s Mark right? Jeno and Jisung told me.”

An awkward beat. You two don’t say a word. It’s just silence between you two, tears falling from your face and onto the pavement. Your nose is running and you’re sure that the other park-goers who pass by are staring at you two like some spectacle. 

“I’m sorry, Haechan. I didn’t want to hurt you.”

Hacehan sighs, looking up at the blush pink sky that’s being consumed by inky storm clouds, thunder beckoning rain in the distance. He thinks to himself, I knew it was Mark all along. Why did he even bother? At the time, he thought it was worth the shot. Now, he looks at your crying face, the way your long hair falls over your ears. He takes it upon himself to put one strand behind your ear, wiping your tears with the pad of his thumb, “How could you hurt me? We’re friends and I’ll always care about you. I’ll be okay.”

You stare back at him, it makes the crack in your heart widen. The world is so unfair. It’s unfair to you and to Haechan, to your family. At least, Haechan has a chance of finding a soulmate who isn’t as broken as you. He’ll find some nice girl to laugh at his jokes, tease him when he whines, and buys him video games every holiday. You stand on your tippy toes because of how tall he is, pressing a lingering kiss to his cheek. You whisper, “You’re going to find a soulmate who will love you for eternity- I’m sure of it.”

>I think we must’ve known how it ended

When we wrote it on a napkin with tears and a pen

A couple of kids who pretended

Until it felt real in our heads

Haechan stares at the ground, not saying a word. You take off running, tears running down your face like it matches the hard beating in your chest. It always ends up like this. It’s like the world can’t give you one piece of happiness. You decide to walk home. Call it melancholy or stupid because you can catch a cold, but you’re not in the mood to ask anyone for a ride. You walk on the streets alone, rain coming hard on you. Your hair, your outfit, all of it soaked. And you’re sure that you’ve lost one of your hair ribbons from running. You don’t have strength in you to wish for sunshine. Concerned mothers ask if they can buy you an umbrella and you just decline politely. It hurts, the smell of the rain and mixing of your tears. Your feet are blistered and drenched. In your pocket, your phone vibrates continuously. Mark’s asking where you are and you don’t have it in you to see his stupidly dumb, dorky, adorable face.��

Dragging your feet along the pavement, the rain only comes down harder. There’s barely anyone on the streets and cars zip by, splashing puddles onto the cement. Your lungs are choked up from your sobs. That’s when you hear it, a voice calling out to you from a distance. You don’t want to turn around but you can’t stop yourself from doing so. You can’t resist it.

>I guess I don't really know who you are now

I guess that we met with our heads in the clouds

So I look for your name and I say it out loud

Maybe that makes you real

I don’t know how to feel

I guess I don’t really know who you are now

I guess that we met with our heads in the clouds

So I look for your name and I say it out loud

Maybe that makes you real

I don't know how to feel

“Wait! y/n!”

You freeze in your tracks, your back faced to the boy who’s ran all this way to catch up to you. He’s got his hands on his knees, coughing from how fast he had to move. You still don’t turn around, you just feel it. “Let’s talk Monday, I’m not in the mood.” You speak slowly so he can’t recognize the cracks in your voice. 

You feel Mark step closer to you, “Why’d you leave? I was going to talk to you, remember?”

You can’t hold it in anymore. You turn around, your tears blurring the vision of a rain-soaked Mark in front of you, “I can’t do this with you anymore!”

Mark freezes, his eyes trained on you. He doesn’t even blink. He stands a few feet away, a crushed and now wet gift box in his hand. “Y/n, just tell me what’s wrong.”

You sigh, trying to breathe air into your lungs, “All this time, I don’t know what I feel. I’m so confused about all of it. You’re confusing me!”

“What are you talking about?”

“God, I’m so stupid!” You wipe your tears, the thunder roaring above your heads. The water doesn’t cease at all. The weather matches the burn in your heart. You heave, continuing, “I have to go. See you in class,  Mark.”

Before you can walk away, you feel a firm hand on your wrist. 

“Y/n. Look at me.”

You whimper, “I can’t,”

“I said look at me.”

Reluctantly, you face Mark, he’s still holding your wrist. You gaze up at him. His hair is matted against his forehead, cold droplets on his cheeks and trailing down to his chin. His jacket looks heavy and now, there’s barely space in between you. It all happens so fast, he drops the white gift box to the ground, clasping both of his hands on both sides of your face. He’s so close. You can feel the warmth of his breath, see every detail that makes him himself, every little memory and trait. 

You search for some sort of sign, trying to calculate his next move, “What are you-”

He cuts you off by smashing his lips onto yours, powerfully and desperately. You melt and your mind’s being clouded by foggy thoughts, his arms supporting you by holding your body up. You’re surprised your knees haven’t given up yet. Mark molds his lips to yours, it’s a back and forth of wet, open-mouthed kisses under the crash of the rain. You both don’t mind. He continues to kiss you like that, eyes shut, pressing his lips harder and harder until you can’t breathe. Your fingers claw through his soaked hair, noses against cheeks, and you reel back to gain more access. His hands move to the make of your neck, his thumb swiping over your cheek. He groans when your tongue meets his, your bodies becoming hot despite the icy crystals falling down on you. You part from him, Mark chasing your lips in response, “Let’s go home and then we’ll talk.”

He swipes the remainder of your tears away, you nod. The whole time you walk home, Mark doesn’t let go of your hand. In fact, he holds your body close to his. You decide to go to Mark’s room tonight. He shuts his door, handing you a towel, “You shower first. I’ll go after.”

You protest, “I’m okay- I don’t really have anything to wear anyway.”

Mark throws one of his t-shirts and a pair of basketball shorts at you, “Wear these, I don’t want you to get sick.”

You smile, “Thanks.”

After a nice long, hot shower- the rain seems more peaceful outside of Mark’s dorm room window. The only light source he has is a lamp that sits on his desk, the print on the lampshade covered with lions. He must’ve had that when he was little. When Mark’s down showering, he wears a grey hoodie and sweatpants and you’d be lying to yourself if you said you didn’t want to kiss Mark again. He sits on his bed next to you, moving his guitar out of the way, “So, what happened?”

You sigh, “When I saw you with Lara, I couldn’t, I don’t know, see you with someone else.” Mark chuckles, “Were you jealous?”

You look at him in the dark, punching his arm slightly, “No- don’t even dream of it.”

“What if I told you I was jealous of Haechan?”

You narrow your eyes at him, “You were?”

Mark rolls his eyes, “Are you kidding? He was practically whispering in your ear and being so close, you know he likes your right? He told me and I told him to go for it but I messed up, I shouldn’t have.”

You play with the frayed thread on Mark’s t-shirt, “He told me, I turned him down.”

“Why?”

“Ugh, you know why.”

Mark presses his finger to his eyes, covering his nose in embarrassment, “I like you y/n.”

You don’t even register when he says it. 

You were still talking about something but you pause when Mark’s words echo in your head, “After that kiss? I was hoping that’s what you were going to say.”

You and Mark erupt into a giggling fit, shoving each other. Then Mark pulls out something from behind him, it’s the squashed white gift box. He bites his lip, causing it to glow pink, “I was planning on telling you today and giving you this but someone took off.”

“Sorry about that.”

Mark shakes his head, grinning. He pulls out a tiny, gold necklace that’s in the shape of a sun. Even in the dark, it glimmers. You touch it tenderly, afraid it’ll break in your fingertips, “You got this for me?”

Mark nods, “Can I put it on?”

You turn your back to him, holding up your hair in a ponytail for his nimble fingers to clasp the necklace onto your neck. The cold metal of it soothes your skin. 

You touch it, running your fingers over the charm, “It’s beautiful, thank you. For the record, I like you too Mark.”

But in the back of your mind, there’s that shadow that always remains. It takes the form of fear, uncertainty- telling you that you do not deserve happiness or you do not deserve to love anyone. Still, it doesn’t stop Mark from leaning over to you and kissing you once again. He uses his fingers to trace your hair and the hollow of your neck, the side of your arm. It makes you shiver, it makes goosebumps rise in hills. You grasp his black locks, lips once again moving in a syncopated wave. Mark mumbles several hums, addicted to the taste of the way your lips feel. You want Mark. You want him so badly it kills you. You’re afraid to fall and it makes you want it even more. Pulling his hoodie, you fold your legs over his lap, straddling him. It makes him heated, blush spotting his cheeks and his neck. He runs his soft hands over the skin of your thighs and traces the waistband of your shorts. You’re trying your best not to lose self-control. It goes out the window when he removes his hoodie, his skin glowing under the lamp light. 

You run your thumb across his collarbone and the curves of his abdomen and chest like you’re connecting constellations. You press your swollen lips to the base of his collarbone, rubbing your hand on the warm skin of his shoulder, “Have I ever told you that you’re gorgeous?

”Mark doesn’t answer, he’s busy tipping his head back, shutting his eyes from the feel of your lips on his skin. He opens his eyes before leaning over to move your hair behind your ear once again, nibbling on your earlobe. You accidentally moan when he moves to the juncture of your neck, it turns Mark on even more. He swipes his tongue by the base of your neck, “I.” A kiss. Don’t know if.” A kiss. “You remember this.” A kiss. Mark parts away to finish his sentence, “I remember you from that night at the hospital. Do you remember me?”

That’s when you snap out of it. You gaze back at him, replaying everything in your head. Your mom. The shrine. The gift. The sun and the rain. You slide off his lap, touching the area of your shoulder. The shadow in your mind, the voice in your mind telling you not to give in.

“Y/n? Is everything okay?”

You nod, “Yes, I remember you. When we first met, I said that we didn’t because everything that day was so blurry that I cut it out of my memories. But for what it is, I remember you.”

Mark looks sad, immediately regretting he even brought it up. You mold your hand to his cheek, “Hey, it’s okay. I’m glad I met you back then, that will never change.”

Mark opens his mouth to say something but closes it when he finds a spot pinging, a tiny glow appearing on his hand. When you look down too, a glow appears on the same spot of your hand. After a couple seconds, the glow forms into the shape of a sun, Mark’s name glowing above it. Mark’s glow forms into the shape of a raindrop, your name glowing on his hand in cursive letters.

You both look at each other and back to your hands, “Does this mean-”

He lets out a breath he’s been holding, “You’re my soulmate?”

While Mark’s ecstatic, you feel a weight just drop in your stomach. No. Not right now. Mark realizes you’re staring at your hand, you look as if you had just seen a ghost. You almost wished you had.

“Is everything alright? Did I-?”

Instantly, you grab Mark’s hands, “I need you to listen to me carefully okay?”

Your hands are shaking now and you feel like you’re going to burst into tears again. This is the worst thing that you can do to someone, this is why you were reluctant to have Mark in the first place. You love him so much you can’t bear to hurt him like this. 

“Y/n… what’s happening?”

Slowly and delicately, you lift off Mark’s t-shirt over your head. Mark’s expression is utterly, painfully blank. He stares at you, unmoving.

“What is that?”

Though you’re in the dark, it shines brightly clear. The skin of your shoulder is completely coated with this invisible matter, tiny bubbles floating through it. It resembles the rain. The thing is consuming your shoulder and gaps of your chest are missing. No person could tell if they didn’t see your naked body. 

Mark leans forward, running his hand over your shoulder, his fingers go right through your body like it isn’t there. 

“Please tell me this isn’t real. This is just a joke right?”

You place your head in Mark chest, your arms hugging his bare waist, “I found out my gift comes with a price. My body is becoming a part of the weather, a part of the sky above. Ever since that day I stepped into the shrine on top of the hospital, I saw water floating upwards- this is the consequence for toying around with nature.”

Mark doesn’t say anything. He thinks for a moment. He grips the comforter you both sit on top of. Then, he speaks, “Can’t I fix this?! There has to be a way- maybe if I go to the shrine and figure something out-”

You release him, putting your hands on both sides of his face, “You can’t. I’ve tried everything. I even went to a priest, a shaman, anyone I could find. You heard about the forecasters talking about the floods right? As long as I’m here, this city will be underwater. I’m a glitch in the system. I’m the virus in the code, blocking the world from being natural.”

>I guess I don't really know who you are now

I guess that we met with our heads in the clouds

So I look for your name and I say it out loud

Maybe that makes you real

I don’t know how to feel

I guess I don’t really know who you are now

I guess that we met with our heads in the clouds

So I look for your name and I say it out loud

Maybe that makes you real

I don't know how to feel

Mark begins to cry. Tears fall from his eyes, dropping onto the skin of your hand. All you can do is hug him as tight as you can, fearful that if you let go- you can’t have him back, “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I’m hurting you. I’m so so sorry.”

Mark sobs into your shoulder for the next hour or so. When he’s tuckered out from crying, you put him to bed, standing up to walk towards Mark’s desk. You decide to write letters to your aunt, Mari, and your friends. You even leave one for Lana. When you’re finished, you slip under the covers next to Mark. You use your fingers to touch his eyelids and his nose, his cheeks and the ruffle of his hair because you know it will be the last time. Pressing a kiss to his nose, you settle against Mark’s chest, knowing the sky will claim you in the morning. 

In the morning

The next morning, Mark wakes up from what he thinks is a nightmare. He sweats profusely, he feels dehydrated,and his throat feels like it’s being ripped open. The worst part is when his heart begins to settle, he sees his own hoodie and basketball shorts where you had lay next to him. Though he wasn't awake, he remembers it all. He remembers you sitting at his desk, you kissing his nose. He remembers your warmth. This can’t be the end. Mark takes the first morning train to the hospital. He calls his friends, Jeno, Renjun, and Haechan to the hospital. Over the phone, he tells them he’ll explain later, he just tells them that you need them. They drive there as soon as the train departs. From arriving at the hospital, everything is like a blur. The hospital staff doesn't want to let some random teenage boy up onto the room, warily suspicious of the request.  

That's when Haechan, Jeno, and Renjun risk it all for you and Mark, tackling and holding back the employees even if they’re radioing security at that very moment. Mark races up the stairs after grabbing the keys to the door, he remembers when those were his keys. He talks to himself. Please. Please. I have to see her. I have to see her one last time. He even prays to whoever’s up there about it. To his dismay, when he gets up there- he doesn’t see a shrine like you had described. He kicks the metal railing out of anger, screaming into the air as he calls out your name. He demands the sky to give you back. No one answers and it kills him.

From up there, you wake up in an unfamiliar scenery. You sit up, groggy from sleep. Looking down at your hands, you don’t believe it. Water takes the form of you, replacing your skin with invisible liquid. You’re sitting on what seems to be like a cloud, fish made out of rain droplets flying all around you in schools. When you look above you, it’s another world. A whale made of thunder clouds lets out a bellow, voices of children laughing when lighting strikes. There’s a castle floating in the distance, each level of the castle painted with different hues of color. It’s all eerily beautiful. Despite its beauty, no one’s around. You’re all alone. 

You touch your shoulder, only feeling nothing but water. Your body isn't real. It means the sky has completely and entirely claimed you. That’s when you feel a cold metal thing hanging around your neck. Mark. Mark’s still down on earth. You begin to hold onto it, the chain slipping out of your fingers and through the cloud that you sit on, you scream Mark’s name as loud as you can. You cry and you scream, sobs wracking your entire body. That was the last piece you had connected to Mark, your soulmate. This is your consequence. What good are soulmates if there’s only one half to the whole? What is the point? Even so, you love Mark so much. You miss him.

Mark screams at the sky, tears lining his eyes. He sees something shine above him, dropping onto the pavement by his foot. When he crouches down for a better look, it’s the sun pendant that he gave you last night. He squeezes it in his hand, screaming for you. There is no answer. 

In front of him, some shape materializes from a blurry image. When it focuses, it morphs into a red archway just as you had told him in the library. He runs up to it, desperate for any sign of you. He asks your name. Still, there’s no answer. He takes it upon himself to do the unthinkable. Maybe he’s crazy, maybe people will think he’s insane. He doesn’t care, all he wants is to see you. He steps under the red archway. He feels it within his body. The bells that hang by strings chime, the water from inside the stone fountain begins to flow upwards like slow motion evaporation. Then all of a sudden, he’s falling.

Winds rip his clothes and rip through his hair, he’s screaming. Everything is a blur of white clouds and flying animals made of water. He hears the thunder and sees the lightning too, it’s all consuming and real. He knows he’s not on earth anymore. That’s when the clouds begin to part, he sees you sitting there. You’re crouched up on a cloud, head buried in your knees. He screams for you, causing you to snap your head up at the voice. It can’t be. It can’t be Mark. But it is, the boy who is your soulmate is falling out of the sky above, emerging from the clouds and reaching out for you.

 The wind gusts him away from the cloud you’re sitting on, “MARK!’

“Y/N!”

You don’t care at this point. You jump off your cloud, the wind current carrying you to Mark before you’re free falling with him. You outstretch your hand to him, your voice can’t be heard in the screaming wind. He reaches to you, straining his face while doing so. When he manages to grab hold of you, he’s surprised to know it feels like he’s holding a person given your body. You fall together, hands enclasped in hands. You yell, “What are you doing here?! You shouldn’t be here!”

Mark holds on so tight, “I had to see you! I’m not letting you go, I don’t care! Aren’t you my soulmate? You have to stay with me!”

“Mark, if I go back down there, we all have to pay the price. Just let me go!”

“I’m not doing it y/n! I won’t do it! I don’t care! I choose you over the weather! I choose you over the sky! I just need you.”

You smile at him. Oh, Mark. Then, something else happens. Mark’s teardrop starts to glow golden, the light enveloping the entirety of his arm and spreading to his body. Even though your hand is made of water now, your sun starts to ping in syncopation with Mark’s mark. Golden light shimmers, rays exploding like sunshine as Mark holds you close. He’s there and he’s real, you can smell his scent of body soap that he uses, he’s so warm. The world blurs together in a series of colors and emotions, blues and yellows and silvers. It’s layers of rain and layers of snow, it’s as if you’re falling out of the cosmos and it’s endless.The sensation of falling ends. You open your eyes slowly, you find yourself cradled in Mark’s chest on the hospital’s rooftop. Your head aches and it throbs like hell, but still, you jump back when you realize that your body isn’t liquid anymore. Mark pulls your shirt down to check your shoulder, it’s nothing but human flesh and bone. You gaze back at Mark, “You saved me. You pulled me back down.”

It doesn’t take any time for Mark to kiss you the hardest he’s ever kissed you. You both sit there for a while, cradled in each other’s arms. Mark digs his nose into your neck, “I can’t live without you. You’re my soulmate, there’s no one else.”

You nod as you run your fingers through his hair, “You and me against it all then.”

1 year later

>Where did the time go?

Where did the time go?

When did you become someone I used to know?

Where did the time go?

After the day that Mark pulled you down from the sky, you thought that you’d spend every second with each other after. Instead, it was the opposite. Because you were on earth, the rains and the flooding never stopped. You weren’t able to control the weather anymore and the outcome that the forecasters had predicted became true. Almost 50 percent of the city was already underwater and still sinking, many people died trying to escape the floods or had to quickly evacuate. It disrupted everyone’s lives but at the time, Mark thought it was worth it for you. After that day, you told him you decided on something. You told him that you loved him and that you’d always find your way back to him, no matter what. After all, soulmates become linked. During your last semester of university, you wanted to spend time with your family and to travel the world with your aunt- in case the sky were to claim you once again. In case you were told that the world would end tomorrow, you wanted memories that lasted and time to tell all the people in your life that you loved them. You wanted to heal from your past, trying to find ways to connect to your parents like meeting their relatives or reading your father’s journal. 

Somehow, Mark took it well. Though he was sad for several days, as were your friends that you were leaving (yes, you explained to them the entire situation, they still have a hard time believing it). You knew that things would change. You’d pick up small updates here and there, graduation was approaching and Mark had chosen to participate in a training program to become a singer. Haechan found his soulmate at his work, the other boys doing their own thing. You hadn’t seen Mark in almost an entire year. Now, today was the day that you and your aunt would be coming back from a backpacking trip in Europe. You knew Mark would also be coming home the same day. On the plane, you thought: Did he forget you? Would he have found someone else? Does he remember it all? 

The moment you landed, you changed at home- walking over to the coffee shop where you and Mark had planned business meetings frequently back then. Walking through your city felt nostalgic to you, the way your younger self ran through the streets, praying for tomorrow’s sunshine or the way you and Mark would hang out together most weekends. Even the memories of hanging out with your friends before class, walking Mosby with your aunt during the autumn season, and pasting photographs on your dorm room wall felt like long ago. Upon entering the establishment, you closed your umbrella before taking a seat at an empty table. A barista took your order, who happened to be one of your other classmates from university. Even seeing them after a year, which isn’t too long- still felt surreal. 

The bell on the cafe’s door chimes, the barista at the counter greeting the stranger. That’s when a familiar voice makes you snap your head up. There he is, standing in the flesh in front of you. Mark sports black dress pants and a button up, his figure taller, leaner- more muscular, has he been working out? Mark’s hair is gelled back, different from how he looked before. It looks good on him. His familiar smile spread across his face, a teardrop glowing golden on his hand, “You seem familiar. Have we met before?”

You nod, running into his welcoming arms. 

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