#I hate this so much. I havent felt this guilty for a long time and its not over something i can really control

[nebucat]

spending a couple weeks away from home and away from my toxic parent in a loving and comfortable environment at my partner's home has been an interesting and eye opening experience.

[thelov3lybookworm]

Menace

Summary: She's heartbroken. all it takes to fix a broken heart is a friend who's also a menace.

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A/n: heheh for my baby @garden-of-runar 🥹🥹🥹

i feel like i couldve made this better and i will try my best to improve hehe anyways I HOPE YOU LIKE IT

also was gonna post this tomorrow but i love Runar too much to make her wait and also i havent posted anything in a week so 🤷🏻‍♀️

a treat for everyone ig 🤭

uhhh anyways

ENJOYYYY

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Again. It happened again.

She knew she should not have been surprised, she had expected it even. But it still hurt, the rejection still stung.

And it was all her own fault.

She should have bottled her emotions up. They obviously did not matter to the love of her life, then why should it matter to Y/n?

Locking the door behind her, Y/n silently slipped off her heels, hoping no one was awake as she began tiptoeing towards her room. Slowly, one step at a time, she moved, avoiding the planks she knew creaked, her steps light as she cracked open the door to her room.

The sigh of relief escaped her all too soon, and she regretted letting it out when she turned around to meet two perplexed hazel eyes staring at her.

"Care to explain why you are returning at this hour?"

Something about the tone of the statement irked her, and Y/n straightened, the anger and madness she’d been holding captive till now bursting out.

"I don’t see how it is any of your business." She snapped.

He blinked at her, surprised at the harsh tone. Y/n instantly felt guilty. He was not the reason for her bad mood, and she knew blowing off the steam on him was wrong when he probably was just concerned for her safety.

"I- I’m sorry, i didn’t mean to-"

"Why are you sorry Az?" Y/n grumbled, settling down at the foot of her bed, her face in her hands. "You were just concerned for my safety."

Silence, and then the scuff of a boot, coming closer and closer. She felt him settle down next to her, the slight breeze stirring her hair, the mattress dipping next to her, and then the soft touch on her knee.

"Did something happen?"

She did not speak for a long moment, and then- "You ever been in love, Az?"

From the lack of sound, she knew he did not expect that question, and if she was being honest, neither did she. She just blurted out the first thing that came to her mind, and somehow it was one of the most damning thing she could have said. "Never mind- you don’t have to answer."

But he did.

"I… I have been. Still am."

Y/n separated her fingers to peek through at him. She didn’t know what to say, so she just kept quiet in hopes he would continue as she let her hands fall to her lap.

"She… is the most beautiful person I have ever seen. The most kind hearted, the most adorable female. So helpful, an amazing friend."

Despite being so close to Azriel, being his best friend, Y/n had never realised that he was in love with someone. She hated herself a little for it, feeling like she was a bad friend, but it was not the time to have a self deprecating party, so she turned her attention back to him.

"Have you ever told her?"

He sighed, meeting her eyes. "I was going to tell her today… but that’s not the point. Did something happen tonight?"

Y/n swallowed, knowing he wouldn’t let it go. "I… I told my friend I loved her. She… rejected me. Was quite mean about it too."

He stiffened. "What did she say?"

"That she never wanted to be with me and would never wish to be and all that." She sniffled, flopping back into the plush mattress.

He remained silent for long enough Y/n started to wonder if he had left, but when she lifted her head to peek at him, he looked deep in thought.

Knowing Az, he was plotting something.

And with the way his shadows churned and swirled excitedly, it was not good.

Especially for his victim.

"What are you thinking?"

He glanced at her, a glint in his eyes.

"You up for a friendly outing?"

Oh fuck.

After a bit of contemplation, she offered him a smile. "Maybe…"

°•°•°•○🌑○•°•°•°

"Az, I think we may have gone a bit far-"

He shushed her, his eyes unmoving from the door.

Specifically, the door to the home Y/n’s one love lived in. Rhea.

She must be coming out any moment, and with every moment that passed, Y/n’s heart raced.

This could go very wrong very fast.

The door swung open, and out stepped Rhea.

Just as she turned to close the door behind her, a bucket of ice cold water emptied on her head, leaving her sputtering and gasping, her head swinging around wildly.

Y/n ducked further away, her heart climbing into her throat, and despite the fear crawling around her veins, a smile broke on her face when Azriel grinned.

Rhea had just opened her mouth to speak, but then a shower of flowers came out of nowhere, sticking to her wet and trembling form.

The ones that she had an allergy to.

It would be nothing serious, but it would keep her awake and sneezing for at least a day.

Y/n obviously felt guilty, but…

It also made her feel light.

Azriel turned to grin at her, and then he grabbed her hand, dragging her away before Rhea could see them.

They could have easily winnowed, sure, but neither of them were thinking as they bolted away, running until their feet screamed in protest, until their lungs heaved, until their throat ran dry.

Until they couldn’t help but stop on the bridge over the Sidra, hands on their knees.

Y/n glanced at the illyrian beside her, panting.

He met her eyes, a boisterous laugh unexpectedly leaving his lips.

After a moment, Y/n couldn’t stop herself from joining in,clutching his shoulder and her stomach as she wheezed.

"You’re a menace, Az." she coughed.

He stared at her, his smile making his face practically glow.

"Only for you, sweetheart."

he started walking again, knowing Y/n would follow.

And she would have, but something made it impossible to move.

Y/n stared at his retreating back, her smile slowly fading.

Soon, he realised she wasn't with him, turning to call her name. she hurried after him, a feeling she was all too familiar with beginning to take root in her stomach.

Sweetheart.

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[demadogs]

heyy what are your thoughts on Mike's monologue? Do you think he was being honest or it was a half truth or something? I'm really curious abt what you think bc honestly I'm not sure myself

this might be long i havent dove into this scene in a while.

the short answer is i think it was a mix of some sad truths disguised as romance, things he believes she wants to hear (but is completely wrong), and just straight up lies. but the biggest thing is that what he thought she wanted to hear was what will told him in the van, unaware that those were wills feelings not els.

but before i even talk about it lets just LOOK at the scene. this is what every other romantic scene in the show has looked like:

and this was allegedly mike and el’s “most romantic scene”.

they are not happy here. this was right before mike said he loves her and right after. one of the biggest differences in this scene compared to the other ships is the fact that both of them we’re forced into this conversation. mike was NOT going to say any of this. will had to push him to continue. meanwhile el is physically restrained from responding to him. she was forced to listen to him and mike felt like he was forced to say it.

anyways now im gonna analyze the actual content of the monologue:

sad truths disguised as romance:

“i dont know how to live without you”

i think this is true and it could be a romantic line but it could also be really sad. it reminds me of when finn (or millie i dont remember) said that they were like a married couple with no option of divorce. i think what mike really meant by this is that hes scared to confront who he really is without el. he actually already did confront this version of himself after she and will moved. i think when he was without either of them he realized his true feelings and hated it and he just wants to go back to who he was before he figured it out.

“i feel like my life started that day i found you in the woods”

im not as confident in this one but it could honestly be extremely sad when looked at from a different lens. it was the first night after will went missing. it was the first time things in his life got weird and unexplainable. losing will and finding el is what led to all the supernatural trauma theyve been through. i dont think mike associates el with trauma but that night in the woods did change all of their lives forever and nothing has been normal since that night. when mike told will asking him to be his friend was the best thing hes ever done, thats said in a way that could not be interpreted any other way, especially not in any negative way. this can. (that being said im not negating how much mike genuinely does care about her and im not saying he wishes he never found her or anything like that).

then it gets so complicated because the only way mike knew how to reach her was through everything will said to him in the van, not knowing that everything will said was referring to HIS feelings, not els.

what mike thinks she wants to hear (based on what will said):

mike tells el “im afraid that one day you wont need me anymore” directly referring to when will told him that she (he) will always need him and then we see this shot.

a lot of people interpret this clip as will just being sad that mike loves her but i think here he might actually be realizing that mikes using his own feelings unknowingly to reach her and he feels guilty about it.

will also told mike that “you make her feel like shes not a mistake at all, like shes better for being different and that gives her the courage to fight on” which actually is not the case for el AT ALL. that was the entire reason for their fight in volume one. el told him “i am different i do not belong” and that he thinks shes a monster and thats why she doesnt love him. she doesnt wanna be loved for being different. but will made mike think she does. these are els reactions to when he brings up her powers:

“youre my superhero”

“you can move mountains, you can fly”

during the whole monologue shes crying but both times he brings up her powers she stops and just looks mad. she looks like she just realized something and shes not happy about it.

i think will completely unintentionally made mlvn so much worse with his veiled confession in the van.

just straight up lies:

“and i knew right then and there that i loved you” (referring to the very first moment he saw her in the woods.)

this is the biggest lie of the whole monologue and i dont always like to bring in social media and marketing to my analyses but when i watched this for the first time, the SECOND he said this i immediately thought of this tweet:

we also have proof in the show itself that he didnt feel this way. he brings her home because he just found a lost girl in the woods in the pouring rain. and then he and lucas and dustin immediately come up with a plan on how to get her back to wherever she came from so that the next day they can go back outside and find will.

“i love you on your bad days”

immediately debunked. mikes a fucking BITCH on her bad days. even will thinks so.

“i love you for exactly who you are”

he doesnt even talk about who she is??? at the beginning of the season we had that whole scene of nancy and jonathan talking about all the reasons they love each other and what does mike love about el? that shes a superhero?

and THEN after the monologue is over its not even mike who gives her the courage to fight on! ITS MAX!!! el doesnt have the power to move the vines until she sees max in trouble. and then later when shes reviving her and theres flashbacks of their moments together, specifically when she says “theres more to life than stupid boys” and “not hopper, not mike, you.” thats huge.

continuing with post-monologue volume 2, its so beyond weird that we dont see el speak a WORD to him after this enter speech. not even just after that speech, after she almost died.

if mlvn was meant to be why didnt they have a moment like this after she woke up? we dont even see her wake up. we dont even see them for two days!!!!

anyways that was a lot. i hope it all made sense. i think the purpose of the whole monologue was to show that even after mike says what she wanted to hear, shes still not happy with him. shes realized that that she is her own person and her own superhero. the duffers just made it excruciatingly complicated and i hope they do a good job explaining this scene in s5.

[bunny-heels]

giant vent post.

i think ive reached an actual breaking point. i havent had a breakdown this bad in such a long time and it stills feels horrible now as it did back then. i cant really think properly, not straight at least anyway. im going to ramble on and probably have a really hard time connecting everything together. but whatever.

at some point in my teens i developed a hyper self awareness. i would have that part of my brain that always thought rationally, like it was made up of a court of people or was some sort of other entity entirely. its always aware of what i was doing, if im doing something stupid, out of anger, irrational, selfish. its the "adult" part. it knows better than me, it knows right from wrong. and its not even like a "voice in the back of my head" or anything. its a very vocal and very upfront part of my brain thats there all the time. and it still is as im writing this. its never left.

my self awareness is really, really strong. it is pretty much my personal therapist. i think ive been through so much mental trauma in my life that my brain has just developed this as a safety net or firewall or whatever. and i mean it works a lot. only time it doesnt is when im really really depressed. like close to actually self harming or making a plan to kill myself levels.

i remember when i tried self-harming once, using really shitty dull scissors. that self-aware part of my brain was there the whole time, kept telling me this was a bad idea, there was no point in doing it and it would only hurt me and my loved ones if i succeeded in actually causing damage. i heard it the entire time. but i still went through with it and tried so hard to get through my own skin. i couldnt and i finally gave into the self aware and realized i shouldve listened to it sooner cause yeah, its not worth it to hurt myself just to regret it later.

my self awareness knew better like it always does. and like i said, its basically my therapist now. i barely even vent anymore because of it. i used to vent and rant a lot. i did it weekly pretty much because i had my little spaces where i thought i could let my emotions out and then i'd be able to go along with my day. then i had a friend of mine be passive aggressive towards me once because i guess they finally got sick of seeing of my rants on their timeline. and even my own mom told me i shouldnt be talking and showing my sensitive side so much online. then my stupid autism mistook someones joke for being real and i got so embarrassed i tried my best to seem like i was talking about someone else. and then i made friends with people where all they would do is rant and vent and rant and vent and rant and vent. and i got so, so tired of it to the point where i wanted to try everything i can to not be like them.

after that i barely ever ranted or vented again and only did it on very very very few occasions and only in places my friends could see. but every time i felt my emotions grow, my self aware side will just come in and be rational.

"dont think much about what these people online are doing, you know theyre just hateful and spiteful. theres no point in wasting your thoughts and emotions on them. do something you like instead."

"yeah the world is horrible right now. there are children dying and families being torn apart and innocent people being put through torture. and you feel guilty that you cant help them or that you dont deserve to be sad because youre not the one going through it. but its okay to be sad about people you dont know or how bad the world gets, and you dont need to justify your sadness. you know its different for everyone."

"you're reasonably upset about this thing, youre getting angry and there being no progress made is just making your mood worse. but font blow up. you know better than to yell at the people who dont and you dont want it to seem like youre annoyed with them or that you dont care. anger doesnt solve anything. you need patience and to be understanding. you shouldnt act extreme unless the situation really calls for it. then its justified."

if i have an urge to vent, i'll vent to my self awareness. if i get angry, my self awareness will calm me down. if i'm confused, my self awareness will look at everything it can. if i'm doing something i shouldn't, my self awareness lets me know. if i get bad impulses, my self awareness keeps me under control. my self awareness knows best. its the better half of me. its the part of me that i wish i could fully be 24/7. but i just cant.

and to be honest, my self awareness is also my enemy.

"i know you feel like venting but, look at all the problems these other people have. you dont need to talk about your problems with anyone. just use your brain and you'll be fine."

"theres already someone in this group that brings the mood down all the time. they talk negative about themselves and their life. you already feel bad for not being able to do anything. why add on to the list of people who cry and complain? you cant take care of your own issues just fine."

"is this the best time to be going to this person to vent and rant? i mean you have no idea what theyre doing right now. they could be busy, they could be in a good mood and you dont wanna bring them down. what if they dont even want to hear about your problems right now? its best if you just figure it out yourself for now. youre smart, you dont need other people when you already know what to do."

i remember in late elementary and during my whole middle school years, my mental health was the lowest its ever been. during middle school, almost every day was the same. i'd have an okay or mediocre time at school, i'd come home, feel relief for a bit and maybe hang out with friends, then all the sudden this wave of sadness flowed through me. it would hit hard and all at one. i would always have to get away from my computer, climb into bed, and cry. sometimes it was over something that happened at school, sometimes over something online, sometimes something at home, and sometimes for no reason. but it would always happen. no matter what.

i isolated myself when i cried. i hated people seeing or hearing me cry or tear up. i would get made fun of for crying in elementary school, whether if it was from bullying or having issues with class or the teacher. i was and am still really really sensitive. and i was always treated terribly every time i showed it. so when i got emotional or upset, i hid myself away. no one gets bothered by me and i get bothered by no one. eventually after learning some things about psychology and getting a bit of therapy, my brain trained on that and i learned to deal with my emotions all by myself. i didnt need to talk to anyone anymore, no more making someone feel bad or having my problems be ignored or getting made fun of for my emotions. from now on all my problems stayed my problems.

but i dont know how long i can keep going like this. i can rationalize a situation, i can regulate my emotions, i can do things at my own pace and never have to worry about burdening someone or myself ever again. im doing it all myself. im doing it alone.

i dont want to do it alone anymore.

i want to talk to people about my problems again. i want to rant and vent and ramble and scream about things that piss me off and make me upset. i wanna yell while i rant to my friends about something that made me angry. i wanna vent about having a shitty day. i wanna be able to message a friend and tell them i feel like shit. i wanna be able to call a friend while crying and saying that i wish things were better. i wanna be able to talk about how much the world sucks. i wanna have moments where i talk shit about myself, talk about how im a miserable piece of shit and that i dont deserve to be loved and cared for. i dont deserve friends or family, i dont deserve nice things, i dont deserve to have fun, or have medicine, or have people listen to me, or care about me. i wanna scream that i dont matter and that no one cares about me.

and all i want after that is just someone to hug me.

i dont want to hear rational explanations about the world, or about how life and feelings work, or how the human brain works, or how fair and unfair things can be. i dont want cold hard truth. i dont want blunt. my brain already does it for me. i know im being irrational, i know im just upset, i know im just depressed, i knows things are unpredictable and that life isnt a straight path and that not everything is simple and things cant be fixed that easily and that theres always gonna be hard moments and i just have to accept it. i know. i know i know i know.

just please. i just want a moment to he comforted.

i want someone to listen. i want someone to sit there in silence as they hear my begs and pleads. i want them to not say anything as i scream about how terrible everything is. i want them quiet as i complain that life is awful and things should be easier. i dont want them to interrupt while i talk shitty about myself and call myself a horrible person. i dont want them to talk. i want them to listen. i want them to hear me when i cry and listen when i go on and on and on.

and when im finally finished speaking, and im gasping for air as my throat is all raspy from how much and how high ive spoken, and my face is red and i have a massive headache and my eyes and cheeks are soaked in tears and my whole body hurts, i just want them to get up, be right in front or next to me, and hug me.

i want them to wrap their arms around me and squeeze me tight against them. for them to put their hand on the back of my head and on my mid back and stroke both of them. for them to put my face in the croak of their neck. and to just hear them breath and whisper

"its okay. everything will be okay."

and i'll cry again. i'll cry so hard my whole face will hurt. my eyes will be bloodshot, my face is hot and bright red, my nose is snotty and runny, my whole body is tired, i look like a disheveled mess. and i'll cry into their neck. i'll let it all out.

and i want them to be okay with that. i want them to let me let go. i want them to let me have my moment of breaking down. and when im tired from it all, i want them to soothe me and tell me that everything will be okay. that im not a bad person, that im not ugly, that its okay that im sensitive, that im not a burden, that i deserve to be loved and cared for, that its okay for me to cry, its okay for me to have these moments of weakness, that im not alone, that its okay for me to let it out.

that i dont have to care of myself anymore and theyll be there for me no matter what.

i'll have them and they'll have me.

but even now when im getting close to finishing this, feeling like i finally have let myself have a moment of vulnerability.

that voice comes back, it creeps in at the last few words.

"you do have people that care about you. of course theyre there for you. you know you have people that care. dont pretend they dont exist."

they do exist.

i know they exist.

but

what if theyre busy.

[orchidyoonkook]

personal

Hi, need to scream. Tumblr seems to listen best. can and please feel free to ignore.

okay so essentially my job has removed all of the things I use and need in order to be able to do my job with my mental disorder. my mental DISABILTY. that i was honest with them and told them about at my freaking trial shift. that i told them i needed certain things in order to do well. nothing drastic. but things that helped me significantly with my performace.

SOOOOOOOOO i am now severely struggling at my job because they've taken those away cuz they were 'annoying' or 'in the way' or 'clutter'. like. im not even leaving shit every where. It's like, maybe at most 3 sticky notes? (for example) and they're written just for me, like just so i can have a list of things i can do and know to go back and look on when i need a task because ive finished the one i was doing. but then my boss reads them and critiques them as if they're for everyone. or says 'okay yeah but we do that every day so i dont see why you have to write it down. you should know to do it by now' LIKE BRO. I forget to put deodorant on some days because of said mental disability. it's something i do and have done every day since i was 12 or 13. thats 12 years. and i still forget some days just cuz my brain wasn't working properly.

AND now due to this they have put me, one of the staff currently with more seniority than 3 other staff, down to one shift a week, while every one else is full time or heavily part time.

In march i was full time and kicking ass, I was the fastest employee on my tasks, i was doing great, the customers loved me and now that all of my things that i need in order to function have been removed for everyone else's aesthetic preferences, I'm suffering, and most likely being silently fired.

like... what do i do with that. I can do my job, with my accomadations - that arent that many btw - i dont expect them to move mountains for me. But dude. I hate this feeling so much because i'm capable, theyve seen me be capable. i was for 1.5 years. like i want to be good at my job. I like and enjoy being good at my job. i've told them that. I want to do good but my ability to be good is being derailed, and i just get told to try harder, just work harder, impress your boss with how hard you work -> for minimum wage, i might add.

and everyone is like "just get a new job, just apply for more jobs you're not applying for enough, literally just apply for everything, even if youre not qualified" and i cant just do that, due to said disability. there are jobs i am unable to do. so i have to be a lil picky otherwise i'll be right back where i am now. and ive been looking for months and applying for months with no luck - no one ever responds. why list jobs if you dont respond?????

it's getting to the point where im debating opening up drawing commissions or writing commissions, or something that i can make to earn a little extra cash here and there while i get over this transition period. And that's a big deal for me because i don't do commissions. I do my art for myself or for when i want to share something i've made already, like the UTWT books. Hell, I did a tattoo design for a friend on here that i put easily 40 hours into, and i felt guilty that they wanted to pay me for it because i'd asked them for the idea. Like, i don't do commissions. so for me to be considering it is really telling for me.

anyways. this is a bajillion words long now, but i already feel better. and I'm posting it in the middle of the night in hopes that the void just consumes it and never lets it see the light of day.

If you read this, thanks and sorry for the bummer of a post. This isnt a pity party or a poor yoon thing. I'm not looking for comfort or any of that. this is a 'i don't have a therapist and my friends and partner and family are sick of hearing me bitch, when i havent been able to fix it in months despite trying my best too' thing. so yeah..

i hope the new year brings me something good.

[canarypost]

pjo ep4. pacing is weird. it felt way too short which is weird bc the chimera and the arch was a MASSIVE thing in the book but at least they kept the ending w the naiad and him learning to breathe underwater. the scene of the three and echidna talking in the train was wayyy too long i was so bored. the fight scene w percy at the top of the arch was super fast i've noticed there is little to no actual action in this show like i wanted the cgi to go all out in the fight scenes but the minotaur fight was super super super dark and there was ZERO music which. wtf. and the clarisse fight was pretty good but this chimera scene was extremely lackluster like stop fucking talking. the chimera looked weird too i don't think there was enough color on it to differentiate the lion/goat/scorpion parts and it would've been really great to get a wide shot of the full form chimera + echidna so itd be really threatening. and there wasnt a lot of lore dropped w them either at least not like there was w medusa which is weird bc i thought they would've been setting a precedent w medusa and making every monster they encounter on their journey help us understand both greek mythology esp for people who havent read the books AND percy and his relationship w his parents. im hoping we get to see gabe being more of a dick on the news after this episode bc i really wanna see him more violent. make us hate him more yk. bc rn he's just pathetic.

but most importantly i've seen this thing go on with the entire show so far and it's that no one fucking talks like real people least of all the golden trio. stop saying "mother" and "father" no one fucking says that least of all these kids of single parents many of whom would rather pour chiron's horse shit into the campfire than show their godly parents the tiniest modicum of respect. no one has interjections like "um" "uh" or "like," no one says "bro" or "dude" not even between percy and grover which is completely absurd like i cannot understate how much it bothers me that we're only told that percy and grover have been friends for years bc if i didn't know better i'd say they've known each other as long as percy and annabeth have. not to mention annabeth's "she [thalia] fought valiantly" in ep3 which is so utterly bonkers annabeth isn't some kinda "old soul" she's a kid with neglectfully abusive parents (which we arent even shown the affects of!! she has to tell it to percy directly for some reason!!! this show has a massive problem with telling instead of showing) who's passionate about architecture and her godly parent. she's just a really fuckin smart kid. now that im typing it all out it's really not as big of a deal to me as the others but it's just fucking weird. but ig if u look at it from some specific angles it's in character. but whatever. i still love her to death for that candy scene in the gas station last episode

but going back to the dialogue thing percy and grover being dumb preteen boy best friends and calling each other "dude" and "bro" 1. shows us instead of just tells us that they've been friends for a long time, 2. has annabeth roll her eyes a bunch (a notable character trait) and shows us she's a little stuck up but more lonely than anything else, and then 3. gives the opportunity to endear percy and grover to annabeth so to not just grow the relationship between all three (golden trio!!! so important) but also the percy/annabeth slow burn AND the healing of the past grover/annabeth relationship which both of them are so so so guilty about. idk i think i need more one-on-one grover/annabeth scenes yet considering we haven't had A SINGLE ONE

last negative thing but the pool flashback at the beginning felt extremely ooc for sally. like i know how important it is for percy to learn to swim esp since he literally doesn't know who his dad is but she was being such a dick!!!! first of all ur kid is clearly more stressed out about swimming than u r about him NOT swimming and second of all it is totally unnecessary to be doing this in PUBLIC swim lessons. like u can see sally looking around at all the other parent/kid pairs like sorry ur worried about how u look to the fucking pool pta but ur kid is fucking terrified. give it another goddamn day give the kid a break. the real sally would never sally jackson i love you i love you i love you

what i DID like about this episode was the opening shot underwater, it reminded me a lot of the movie and controversial opinion but the show could actually use being quite a bit more like the movie bc it was actually pretty good even if it didnt follow the story whatsoever. i liked the shot of the centaurs on the train and i thought i also remembered that from the movie but i think i just remembered seeing the shot in my head when i was reading the book which is actually really impressive. the three getting into real world trouble w the cops is very accurate, percy sitting in the fountain while grover and annabeth splash him was funny, and i ESPECIALLY loved percy pulling a fast one on annabeth at the top of the arch i think it really shows off his self sacrificing nature imo better than him rushing the minotaur in ep1 bc we know his character better by now and we're more emotionally invested. and i really loved that they kept percy's way of learning he could breathe underwater + the naiad from poseidon

actually im not done being neg i really wish they would've kept "isn't that a kind of anteater?" and "prove your bloodline" which would lead to percy purposefully jumping off the arch instead of falling. idk it feels like we're slowwwlllyyy growing to see percy being percy bc im gonna be honest. rn he doesn't have much of a personality. where is persassy. bc i cant fuckin see him

anyway it was a fun episode if a bit slow. it had it's moments. im excited for waterland and the tunnel of looooove next week though :33

[post-office-by-the-bay]

hi covey!!!!

i havent been able to respond and interact with all ur posts since im not home atm but im sitting in hotel room bed writing this rn so! i have found my way to your other account tho😈 so im gonna write a little rant i hope you dont mind (even tho thats kinda what the account is made for, i still feel weird doing it!!) so feel free to ignore i just reallt want rant!

also wanna start it off by saying i hope youve been doing well and the college stress isnt affecting you too much!!

okiiii so anyway its my birthday tofay 😜😜 and for my bday weekend we went to chicago since its pretty close to where i live and i thiight it would be fun but sometjkng about me is just that i hate being away from home like idk i just love my room so idk why i wanted to do thid for my bday but ANYWAY.

friday and saturday were oretty fun even tho its so cold out but ive had an overall good time! the obly downside is my DAD bro. i dont think hes ever experienced true happiness in hus life bc if any tiny bad thing happens he gets so MAD and for NO REASON. i try to stay happy but its literally such a mood killer like how am i supoosed to enjoy my time wjen ur over here bitching and complaing about not getting the corner booth like. get over pls shut up i wanna be happy.

and then today i thoight we were gonna go to this museum and then meet up with my brither to go to the sears/willis tower but it got completely changed and i was so confused and we didnt do anytbing k wanted to do that day. like i wanted kbbq as my bday dinner like it was the MAIN reason i wanted to go to chicaho but they switched uo and said it was too far away. like okay then… im like fine whatever just choose some place else bc idk what i want and i dont wanna decide and THEY KEPT ASKING ME AND BOTHERING ME LIKE PLS LEAVE ME ALONE. and then we were just walking around everywhere trying to fund a place to eat and i was getting annoyed so i just said olay i wanna go here, AND THEY JUSR GO SOMEWHERE ELSE EVEN THO THEY WERE ASKING ME WHERE I WANTED TO GO??? pls.. jusg make up ur mind. and then when we finally got to a place bc i was like yall im tired lets just go to fresking shake shack they starting bitching about the prices and i get we dont have a lot of money but it just made me feel so guilty??

anyway i felt way better bc me and my cousin started making fun of my dad so i felt 10x #wcousin😇

now im in the hotel room listening to my dad snore SO FREAKING LOUF LIKE HOW AM I GONNA SLEEP.

OKAY IM SO SORRY FOR WRITING SO MUCH LIKE YOU DO NOT HAVE TO RESD ALL THIS COVEY OMG

TLDR; birthday was rlly my dads rlly whiny but im chill now!

have a good day/night covey sorry writing so much😭😭

-🐌

beloved snail anon,

do not feel bad for ranting!! that's the whole point of this blog!! we just need to ignore the fact that i ignored it for so long lmao.

first and foremost, HAPPIEST OF (late) BIRTHDAYS TO YOU!! I KNOW YOUR DAD WAS BEING A BIT OF A BUMMER (kill all men) BUT YOU DESERVED TO HAVE THE BESTEST DAY AND IM SORRY HE TRIED TO TAKE THAT AWAY.

my dad is, from the sound of it, very similar to your dad. and i've grown to kinda just throw it back at him. it took years of warming up to it, but now i just treat him the way he treats us and he shuts up real real quick, ya know?? anyways, im so so sorry that he was being sucky (again kill all men) and you totally didn't deserve that!! wishing you a better birthday for next year!!

all my love,

covey 𐙚⊹ ࣪ ˖

[johnnykavs]

do you want to know why i cant look at you in the eyes? why i avoid looking at you when you are looking at me?

probably not but im going to tell you anyway because i feel like 1. you deserve to know 2. youll hopefully have some understanding on what goes on inside me whenever ido look at you 3. because i need to let it out.

your eyes have always been your tell and my weak spot, i dont know if its because they say things you want to avoid or because theyre just easy to get lost in but looking at you, looking into your eyes it used to be my favorite thing.

your eyes have always been my weak spot since the day we met, i felt a sense of comfort whenever i looked into them. the brown in them felt like a blanket so when you looked at me or used to look at me i felt a sense of comfortability, its different to the safety and peace i feel when your arms are around me. they were also your biggest tell, when you were feeling things you didnt want to talk about youd always avoid eye contact or your eyes would be glossy, it almost made me feel cold but it was the only way i could tell or feel your raw emotion.

so when you look at me now, i cant help but see the year eight i fell inlove with and the look in your eyes when we do look at eachother or i do catch you looking at me is either the same way you used to look at me or its resentment and i dont know if when you look at me you see the same or feel the same but it sucks.

seeing the year eight i fell inlove with sucks because iforget who i am, how old i am and how long its been since we were actually close and inseprable, then im thrown back into reality where i cant look at you in the eyes without it being awkward or causing some sort of pain within me, its a reality where we only talk through texting. where being around eachother sucks because theres still things we still havent talked about or because its simply to hard to be around eachother.

then that second look the resentment it just reminds me how much of your trust ive actually lost and how much i actully hurt you and i hate it because no matter how much we say or try to fix it, nothing really changes we are still strangers and i barely know you and i used to know you better than anyone and now i dont even know the smallest thing about u.

i know who you used to be, who you were with me but this you is a complete stranger and it sucks because i want to know you, you are worth the time and effort to know, if i could love you as a friend to make this easier then i would but i cant because im in love with you and i have been in love with you since i was 13 but i was in love with the 13 year old version of you.

i cant seem to seperate the two when you look at me the same way you used to when we were kids, even if it is unintentional or you dont feel it. for all i know you could look at me the same but feel nothing for me.

fuck you and your eyes for making me this uncertain. i need you too tell me you dont feel anything for me romantically so i can let go of this hope ive been holding onto for all the time.

so i can move on without feeling guilty.

[t0ul053r]

Idk my bsf seems fake rn and im trying so hsrd shes being acting shady since the very end of last year like during freaking christmas times to now bro. I get new yeta new uou but whats with the shade fr smh. Like i dont wanna sound selfish or rude idk if this does but who was there when you felt like no one would listen? Wgo was there when you came home cryyng every single day from school? Who was there when your thoughts overtook you mentally and physically? Who was there when ones you thought you could trust hurt you? I was and now im the one whos making us solit somehow?? Like she answers me like at 2 in the morning when i send a text at like 5pm abd she be online, reposting tiktoks, and more. I get texting can be draining but every day it seems like its draining. And idk how we could be talking all day one day then the next you just start this habit. I guess its kinda my fault because i never bbrought it up or anything but why the frick does she di this. Like what did i do. I wanna know. She always says ih no im not mad at you or i havent done something but what causes yiu to change your whole respinse to me so quick? I feel so selfish to even say that i feel so lonely without her but like shes the person who i felt mist comfortable ariund for the first time in years and she was there at my lowest and never knew or will probably know. Just talking ti her would brung up my moid but now when she finally repsinds i feel no want to respond even tho i just was feeling so angry for her not repsinding. That i now feel guilty about even being upset cause i dont even wanna text her now. She once said we dont talk that much anymore but i wonder why that is. You always leave me on resd or delivered and answer hours later? You act like i dont have feelings cause when you want sum from me you will keep soamming till i answer snd sct like its the end of rhe wirkd but if i do that you be like hold on omg. WHEN WE USED TO DO THAT NORMALLY. I really hate this sm. Idk what to di. I found someone who texts me alot and stuff but it doesnt feel the same and ahyone who i enjoy a lot i just feel so guilty for talking to them and not her. Even thi she wont respond. I know shes doing better or at least thats what it seems. I hope she is. I hope all the best things on her shes a great persona bd works for what she wbats. She deserves it. I just wish shed tell me what i did. I rather have all the hateful truth than live in a lie of nothing but pure lies to protect myself from relaity. I really do love her shes the best hut i want her to cuss me out shout at me do whatever to explain to me why she does this. Texting is so draining but shell come iut her way to tlel me about how her and lover text all night long ir whatever then disappear again when i listen to thag story. She wont even let me know her crushes and when i ask she acts so sahdy. Also with the “i already told you” crap. I akready told her milkions of things but i dont gotta remind her or not say it anymore. People genuinely forget the knky thing i do isnt just travj everything abiut her. I just feek so guilty. I akways feel guilty for doing anything and i hate it i hate feeling guiltt but every singkebday thats all i feel

[gfcupid]

hate living with my grandmother and i feel like im going to go insane

[mrfoox]

I'm so fucking tired of this extreme nausea. I've skipped so much of my classes bc of it and yep today I feel it too

[dietmountaindewb8by]

Yandere!five x reader where you both met and fell inlove at the commission as temporal assassin partners but you die protecting him on a mission. However, when he travels to 1960 (s2), he sees you again but this time your alittle younger and you havent joined the commission yet. Youre just an average citizen going about your day. At first he tries to justify the stalking, telling himself hes just 'looking out for you' untill his unresolved guilt and still very present devotion to you overflows and hes broken into your apartment, standing over your boyfriends bloody body as you sleep unknowing to the horrors just a room over. He kidknaps you and hes talking to you like hes known and loved you for years, which he has, but you havent. You dont know him, not yet in this timeline anyway. It breaks him to see you look at him like hes a stranger, a monster, but hes determined to protect you this time from the commission, he wont let anything hurt you ever again. He will make you love him just as he loves you. Its for your own good after all.

hiii! THIS WAS SUCH AN AMAZING IDEA I COULDN'T RESIST IT!!

PLEASE SEND IN MORE YANDERE FIVE REQUESTS!!

warnings: yandere content, swearing, kidnapping, the usual, female reader also, OH AND DEATH

the most he could do

He remembered the bullet going through you like it was yesterday. It wasn’t yesterday. He wished he could forget it, that he could go back to his eighteen year old mind (like his body), and could forget everything.

But not everything at the same time. Because there was more than one good memory with you, despite your worlds being filled to the brim with danger, hate, and anger. You were so sweet though; you went against everything you were supposed to be.

One drunken night you had confessed to everything; you had told him how guilty you were and that you only did it to protect your family.

That broke him.

He was there for the same reason, though he never felt…as you did. He didn’t particularly enjoy it, but he was good at it. And what he was good at, it was just natural he’d keep doing it.

Like loving you. Long after you’d gone cold he loved you, and he would never stop. While it was unhealthy, it was his sanity. You were his sanity. 

“You love me just a little too much,” you giggled one night. He’d rolled his eyes and went back to kissing you as you laughed into his mouth. I do, he’d thought. I do and I don’t want to stop. Please don’t let me stop.

He wished he could get back into bed with you; he wished he could make sure that you were warm at night, give you everything, give you himself.

He wished he could’ve taken care of you when he had the chance. You didn’t have to die; you didn’t have to do anything, you just needed to be alive and loving him. That’s all he ever wanted, all he ever needed.

He tried for you, he tried to stop the apocalypse because it would’ve made you proud. And if he’d perfected time travel? He could easily go back and grab you.

That was the goal.

He clearly wouldn’t reach it for a while.

~*~

He was on his way to go get Diego; he decided to walk some of the way. It would be easier to clear his head. Despite being used to jumping through time, it still clogged his brain slightly.

What clogged his brain more was when he heard your giggle.

“Oh, shit,” he sighed. “Really?” His hand made its way to his head, massaging his temple. He had never hallucinated before. Turning in the direction of the oh-so-familiar giggle, his eyes bugged out of his head. He saw you in a dress, sprinting toward a boy, launching yourself into his arms, letting your lips meet his.

You looked about his age, eighteen. Maybe slightly younger. It was an estimate.

But you were still there, beautiful as ever. 

Maybe you don’t need to time travel, a voice came through in his brain.

But, no. You don’t love him. You are in love with someone else. 

He swelled with anger, with mourning.

He had to leave you alone. He had to leave you with a life. It was the most he could do.

~*~

He needed a breather. He needed to relax. 

Luther wouldn’t listen. Diego belonged in the nuthouse. 

He needed air; his air; you.

He needed you.

Just one little peek. It’ll be better for her, anyway. She’s not exactly safe here anyway. I’ve seen the way people act toward sweet people like her.

He found you easily; after all, he remembered everything about you. He knew where you would love to be, where you had to be. What you were likely doing. The only problem was that you were there with the poor excuse of a man you called your boyfriend.

“So basically he-”

“Yeah, that’s probably why he got that grade.”

“It’s insane how quickly he wrote it down though- he didn’t write it, did he?”

There you were. Trying to look for the best in people, even when you knew what they were. It made him smile, looking at your youthful face, still so full of hope. Hope that would be crushed within a few decades or so.

That made his heart drop.

He’d do anything to let you keep that hope, that innocence. 

He could breathe again, seeing you were safe. 

Maybe I’ll just check in on her tomorrow, too. Keeping her safe is the most I can do.

~*~

He couldn’t help tucking you in a little tighter. You had just draped the covers over yourself. That couldn’t help in the freezing night air, especially when you had the window open. He would close it, but that would scare you, wouldn’t it?

“Sleep tight, sweet girl,” he whispered. He’d kiss you. He’d tell you he’d see you tomorrow. 

I will be seeing her tomorrow.

~*~

So that was his routine. Follow you. Apocalypse stuff. Make sure you were okay. Apocalypse stuff. Maybe sneak you something you needed. Apocalypse stuff. Make sure you were safe and comfortable. Apocalypse stuff.

It was tiring. But the fact you were here, alive kept him going. Kept him breathing, living, feeling something.

His girl, here with him. His sweet girl; his angel; his baby.

Not yours, a voice whispered.

He sighed. True. At least for now. 

But you could make her yours again. She’s yours; always has been, always will be. She’s still her. You’re still you. What’s the difference? She’ll be safer with you. She’ll be happier with you.

That was true. He was never happier. You were never happier. You were his. Always.

He knew exactly what he had to do.

~*~

He took a shower in your house to wash that vile creature’s blood off. He made sure it was warm so his body temperature wouldn’t wake you. That would ruin everything, including your REM cycle. That wouldn’t be good.

He packed your bag, though you wouldn’t need much. He’d get you what you needed.

He had found an abandoned apartment complex that was still furnished somehow. He didn’t know who lived there before or what they were doing with it, but it was still comfortable, and free. Perfect. Of course he washed everything, but it was unused. Your first true home together. 

He couldn’t help but feel a rush of pride at that.

He picked you up from the bed, slowly moving you into his chest, which you only nuzzled into, just as you used to. Or would eventually. He didn’t know anymore. He just knew that you were his and that he was yours and that you two were together now, and would never be torn apart again.

“There you go, honey,” he whispered, adjusting you against him as he jumped you out of your house.

~*~

You woke up with your hands tied to the headboard of a bed you didn’t recognize.

“Oh, no no no,” you cried. “What the hell-”

“Relax, Sweetheart,” soothed a voice that belonged to a boy about your age. Tall, lanky, green eyes. That was the boy. He was the one who stole you from your bed. How? You didn’t know. But he still did.

“Let me the hell go!”

“I can’t do that, baby.”

“Yes you- okay, don’t call me baby- you can let me go! Like…right now.”

“Like I said,” he spoke firmly, approaching your side. “I cannot indulge you in that manner.” He tucked a stray hair behind your ear as he opened the curtains to the windows of the strange building you were in.

“Alright then,” you growled. “I’ll do it by myself then.”

“We’re on the top floor and the elevator is broken,” he quietly spoke. “I can guarantee you that you wouldn’t make it to the bottom floor before sunset, and even then, you would find yourself in this same position before you hit the tenth.”

Your eyes were wide. 

“How the hell did you drag me up- how many floors was it?”

“I would never drag you,” he said, adjusting things in the drawers of the dresser. “I couldn’t bring myself to hurt you. And it’s twenty six floors, by the way.”

“Twenty si- okay, well then I’m sorry you went to all this trouble, but you need to drag me right back down again. I don’t know what I did, but I have this big test on Thursday, and I really need to get back and do that.”

“Don’t worry about that test, you won’t be taking it.” He had a faint smile on his face, like he was experiencing nostalgia.

“I- it’s worth a lot of my grade, buddy, I can’t just skip out-”

“Five. You can call me Five. And you’re not going back there. Now what do you think about waffles for breakfast, little one?”

[t-he-baker05]

August Slipped Away

summary: Grant Chapman slowly realizes he’s always been the second option and makes a decision that affects both him and Remus. 

warnings: minor atyd spoilers, angst, like possibly one swear word, possible bad writing on my part

AN: please forgive me if the writing makes no sense; i literally just had an idea for writing grant based on ‘august’ and wrote this in probably 20 minutes 😅

“will you call when you’re back at school?” he asked remus hesitantly.

“of course” remus had instantly replied.

grant had smiled and kissed remus on the cheek softly.

and soon august turned to september and remus left.

that was the start of grant finding himself in the same telephone booth as often as he could,

laughing with remus as he listened to him talk about his friends and the “adventures” he had been up to.

while he was happy for remus, he missed him. a lot.

when he wasn’t on the phone with remus, grant often could see them lost in the memory, replaying moments in his head.

grant often found that august slipped away into a moment of time,

and while he was sitting missing remus,

remus was busy with other things and couldn’t be too preoccupied.

grant hated it. and he hated that he hated it.

as time went on, he slowly became more and more aware that he was not remus’ true love.

sirius black was.

grant was the second choice,

and he found that he wasn’t fazed by the realization. 

because deep down he always knew. 

remus was never his. 

and so the next time he saw remus in person, making two cups of tea for them,

he mentioned it.

remus played it off, 

but grant knew.

so when remus had asked him what he was talking about, grant had replied with

“you know what i’m talking about, you belong with sirius.” 

it was as simple as that.

but remus refused to give in, begging grant and pleading with him that it was not the case.

“grant i… i don’t know what to say…”

that was all he needed to confirm his thoughts.

“fuck remus, wanting was enough. for ME it was enough!” he finally let out.

grant sighed, running his hands through his hair.

“i’m sorry… you don’t deserve this” remus murmured weakly.

“so much for summer love and saying ‘us’” grant chuckled, trying to desde the tension. 

he stood with his hands in his pockets, rocking back and forth on his feet.

the tea was long forgotten as remus stood as well.

“i want to be yours” remus stated, but it was as if he needed convincing himself.

“that’s the thing- you weren’t ever mine, you weren’t mine to lose”

remus stayed silent.

“do you remember? remember when i pulled up and said ‘get in the car’? and then cancelled my plans just in case you’d call?” grant continued.

remus looked at him, guilty, because no. he didn’t realize grant had been so eagerly waiting for his phone calls that he’d even cancelled plans.

remus finally spoke “that was back when i was living for the hope of it all…”

“but you were living your life without me” grant stated.

“i’ve got a job opportunity in brighton” he said before he could talk himself out of it. 

remus looked up, shocked, “but we live in london”

“remus…” 

“you’re just up and leaving me for a job?” remus was about to start shouting.

“come on, you know it’s about more than that” grant looked at him. 

“you cant do that!!” remus felt sick and indignant.

“i’m making things easier for you, i’ve always tried to do that havent i?” grant told him softly.

after some ‘i love you’s and grants full confirmation of his decision, remus wanted to fall to his knees and wail.

“you’ll break my heart if you go now” remus sulked. 

grant shook his head lightly and simply looked remus in the eye and stated “i’m sorry, love. but it’s breaking my heart to stay”

remus understood, and didn’t try to sway him any more, as grant had already made up his mind.

“you’ve been my little bit of magic” grant smiled at remus, the last thing he ever said to him.

as grant left remus in the kitchen with the two cups of tea still sitting untouched, the two men had the same six words repeating like a motto in their heads: “for the hope of it all…. for the hope of it all… for the hope…”

[soft-boi-eli]

Ok ok! Good uhm.

Ok since body dysmorphia has been kicking my butt lately i wanted to request something with Schlatt where basically the reader Starts getting really insecure because of their body. Pushing and pulling on their stomach etc. They also start binding unsafely with like really tight bras because they can't afford a binder and they end up fucking up their ribs really bad. They end up in the hospital and a very worried Schlatt visit's them and lectures them about how they shouldn't have done that and about how worried he was. So when they get back home there is a gift on the bed, turns out Schlatt bought them a binder.

The reader would be Non-binary and afab.

Also a little message for pretty much anyone who is insecure about their body/has body dysmorphia because of their chest, don't bind unsafely. That can really fuck up your chest and make you actually being happy with your body even harder.

Hell yes. I love this idea thank you icarus! Writing has been rude to me lately and I needed inspiration. This has hit it exactly.

Pronouns:nonbinary (dont think any were actually used in this so yeah.)

Tw: AFAB reader, swearing, insecurity, mention of surgry, mention of blood, mention of hating self, pain. Again angst to fluff. It is reflecting on how I have felt about my body before because I needed to make it seem kinda real.

PSA: please dont bind safely. It's dangerous and can lead to serious health consequences. I know hating your body sucks but I dont want anyone to get hurt because they dont listen to their lungs, they dont take off their binder, or if their bras are way too fucking tight. It can and will hurt you. So please bind safely!!

Happy birth-what the fuck?!

Lately your brain was giving you more dysphoria then ever. Telling you your body was too big, your boobs were too noticable, and you hips are too feminine.

What brought this on? Someone simply said your dead name. It made your dysphoria hit you like a truck.

After that day everything went down hill. Your stopped streaming, telling your followers that you were going on a mental break, you didn't really talk to friends, your brain could put words together. And you most importantly barely texted your loving supporting boyfriend schaltt, not wanting to break down in front of him.

You never had the time or thoughts of getting a chest binder. It was your biggest mistake honestly.

Deciding against chest binders and wearing alot of tight bras to flatten you. But it didnt work. So you got tighter bras. And they did work. But you didnt read up on how to bind safely.

This lead to the predicament now. In front of your mirror you were pinching and pulling at your skin. There was too much. All you wanted to do was cut it off with scissors. But decided against it due to the fact of all the blood that you would loose.

Your chest, smaller then it was yas, was still visible after your 3rd bra. You decided to add a 4th and tighter one hoping it would completely hide your boobs.

Your body made you want to puke. It made you feel disgusting. But you never told schaltt that. Afraid that he would say that you looked as gross as you thought you did.

Only 5 minutes after the 4th bra you felt excoriating pain in your ribs. And worse of all a harsh pop. That immediately brought red flags. It hurt to breath. Your head fuzzy and light headed.

Your only reaction, to call for an ambulance. Dialing the three numbers as you whimpered in pain you held onto your lungs. "911 what's your emergency?" "I cant breathe. It hurts so bad. Please help." "Are you by yourself?" "Yes. I need help please." "Ambulance, firemen, and police are on their way. Ambulance is 2 minutes out."

You didnt know if you had 2 minutes. "They can break the door down if I dont answer." That's all you said after collapsing.

Next thing you knew your door was busted off its hinges and you saw two paramedics. They were quick to transfer you to the ambulance, cutting through the four bras that held your chest.

It help get air to your lungs but it barely helped.

"We have a collapsed lung. ETA 2 minutes." The paramedic back there with you spoke to the walkie talkie.

Collapsed lung? Was that the harsh pop? God, was the bras that bad of an idea? All that was going through your mind was how you possibly could get worse. The instant you got into the trauma bay was way worse. With no time to numb you and your O2 stats dropping they had to cut between your ribs and shove a tube right next to your left lung. Draining air and excess blood blocking your lung from inflating. And before you knew it you were off to emergency surgery for getting a shard of bone out of your chest cavity.

The last thing you remember was counting down and falling asleep.

When you woke up your boyfriend was next to your bed, hands engulfing one of yours.

It looked like he had been crying before falling asleep on one of your legs. Taking your free hand through his hair you smiled lightly. "I'm sorry for all of this ram boy." He grunted lightly and moved his head back into your hand. His messy hair was thick and nearly matted. It made you wonder how long he's been sitting there. You loved him and felt so selfish for doing this to him.

"I cant believe I did all this and for what? To cause you and everyone pain? All because i couldnt afford a chest binder and deciding that I might as well try another way. I should have been safer huh?" You didnt expect an answer back. Just his quite snores.

"Yeah. Not really fuckin selfish more like kinda dumb. Your body doesnt show who the fuck you are (y/n). Your heart does. And your heart isnt say boy or girl. Its saying you are you. A person who uses pronouns they them. A person that love everyone and cares for their friends. A person who love me and jambo so deeply."

He took a breath.

"You normally are quite smart. Saving up for one would of been a better idea instead of doing such a stupid thing. Asking for my help. Because if I knew I would of helped. I would of found one just right for you. I would help you remember to take it off after 8 hours. Even would of found a way to make you feel more like you."

You could hear his heart break.

"But now you're here, four broken ribs, a healing lung, and stuck in the hospital for another week at least."

You felt so guilty. He was right. You should of told him. He would never have seen you like you saw yourself. He never cared about how you looked. He only cared for your heart.

Tears falling down your face you continued to massage his scalp. "I could of lost you. You are my rock. When I cant keep up my normal antics and feel like I'm at an all time low. You are there to pick me up." You had to stop the sob from coming up. "I'm just so happy youre alive." He looked up.

His red eyes were making your heart ache. "I wont do it again I promise. But I cant just ignore the feeling of dread whe. I look down and realize I present so much like a girl. I dont wa t to be one." Schaltt nodded and kissed the hand he was holding. "Then let me help you. I wont let this happen again. Just please. Come to me. Talk to me. I'm here like you are for me."

You gave a small nod.

This man knew his way to your heart. He was so sincere about this. "I will. But promise me you wont look down on me if I end up feeling like that." You just needed to make sure you knew he would never but you needed his words. "Mever sugarbabe. Never in my life have I looked down on you and never will."

God the week was long, him and the doctor explaining safe binding that you cant fully bind for at least 6-8 weeks. Schlatt telling you his reaction to finding your apartment swarmed with police and firemen and you no where to be seen.

He was practicing on saying happy birthday to you. But was cut off. "Happy birth-what the fuck?!" He was so concerned and even more so when you were in hospital.

When you did go home he helped you through the door, and watched you as you saw the small package on your couch.

Opening it you saw a chest binder. Specifically the one you were looking at. Looking over to schaltt with tears in your eyes you walked up and hugged him lightly minding the pain in your left side. This was the best gift.

The only gift you had been wanting for the past week or two. "Now you can be safe. But no binding till your doctor says so or I swear to god I will personally smite you down." You had to try so hard no to laugh or the pain would of been hell. Kissing his cheek you smiled.

"Of course schaltt. I will make sure to not wear it till I'm healed dont want to get blood on it ya know. Also it would hurt like a fucking bitch."

He chuckled and ruffled your hair. "Alright now go sit down. I'll get you some soup ya dork."

This was going to be a great time. That was until the pain fully came back. And then this is going to be a mediocre time.

Please pardon spelling errors. I havent proof read. And I am on mobile for almost all stories. But thank you so much for requesting this became something that I could write and it helped me alot. Now I might take a while for other things too and i apologize that's cause i am starting school soon. Also family issues. So yeah might take a bit. Dont know how long though. I'll try to keep them coming but if not you know I'm studying or helping my mom and grandma.

Eli out.

[seokstrivia]

And So It Begins | jhs

✽ Summary: You thought you had missed your chance, but you’re just an idiot and Hoseok is bad at communicating 

Or, Hoseok lets you know he’s single

✽ Teacher AU | word count: 6.1k

✽ Jung Hoseok x Reader: fluff, angst, friends to lovers, implicated cheating, but no cheating, pining, slow burn, hoseok is soft, namjoon is your brother and jungkook is a child with taehyung, including a lot of frustration

A/N i havent wrote in ages, but i hope this one is as enjoyable as it was when writing it! please let me know what you all think and thank you for reading<3

The sun was bright as it shone through the orange-coloured leaves. It was warmer than usual, even though the air was still crisp. Your classroom was brightly lit by the natural light seeping through the wide-ranging windows, accompanied by the sound of children playing outside.

A sigh parted your lips as you continued to mark the tests you had handed out that morning. The complaints and whines from your students were still buzzing in your ears making you smile. You loved your students; they were always so full of life and eager to learn.

“Someone’s in a good mood,” a familiar voice drew you out of your trance.

Hoseok. Jung Hoseok. A colleague— a fellow teacher you had been working with for almost three years. He was sweet, always knew what he was doing and was always so helpful.  

“I am in a good mood, thank you,” you answered with a cheeky smile.

He returned the smile with a fond gaze in his eyes, talking to you always cheered him up. Just seeing you seemed to lighten his day, and you would’ve thought or felt the same if he didn’t have a girlfriend.

It was your own fault; you missed the chance to go on a date with him because you were sick and busy grading papers. However, what made it worse was that you couldn’t even hate the girl he was with because she was so sweet to everyone.

Two-faced as fuck, but you had yet to witness it.

“Do you want to have lunch with me?” He asked, shyly.

Another smile made its way to your lips as your eyes made contact with his. A red hue accommodated his cheeks while he waited for a response. It was easy to say yes to him, easy to give in and have lunch as friends and nothing more. But when he was with the woman he was with, then it wasn’t that easy or simple even.

“I’ll have to get back to you. I think Mr Park and I are having a meeting,” you told him.

The way the smile fell from his lips made you feel so guilty. You weren’t lying but it wasn’t the truth either, Mr Park, better known as Jimin, wanted to meet you after school not during lunch.

“I’m sorry,” you added before he could leave.

Hoseok seemed to avoid you after asking you to lunch, Jimin didn’t seem too pleased with you lying to him. It seemed like he told Hoseok the plan was to meet after school hours.

It was your own fault for lying and beating around the bush. More so, it was childish and immature, you could’ve just said yes like you wanted to and then dealt with his girlfriend later.

Too late now. You sighed.

“Parents evening is coming up,” Namjoon said trying to lighten the dull mood.

He was a single dad to a beautiful girl; he was also your older brother who seemed to know every little thing about you.

“Did Yerin remind you?” You smiled.

Namjoon shook his head in full offence, “I remembered by myself,” he berated like a small child. “I have a good memory.”

You chuckled at the scowl on his face making him smile in return. The atmosphere did lighten up thanks to your brother, and the sour memory of Hoseok avoiding you was quickly forgotten about as the night went on.

“So… has she been a good girl?” He asked quietly.

~

The coffee on your desk was getting cold, but that was the last of your worries. One of the students in your class was beginning to slack in terms of homework.

You weren’t one to tell children off for not doing their allocated work at home, especially when you never did yours as a child. However, it was worrying when the smartest kid in class was falling behind.

Hence why, when the end of the day bell rang, you were quick to call him over before he could leave. There was a sad look in his eyes and you instantly knew something was wrong.

The talk with your student went on longer than you anticipated, but when he told you how he felt and what was going on, you didn’t have it in you to tell him to stop talking.

He trusted you.

“Is it ok if I call your dad and speak to him?” You asked, carefully.

Jungkook slowly nodded his head, his eyes were brighter as if a weight had been lifted off his shoulders.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, miss!” He beamed as he left the classroom.

A sigh of relief parted your lips as you watched him run towards his dad. The clouds were grey and dull, but that didn’t seem to faze the two standing outside, and when it started raining, the smiles on their faces only seemed to grow wider.

When Namjoon called you that night to see how you were doing, you were more than happy to tell him you were doing great.

After that, things seemed to be going well until you ran into Hoseok. He was holding two small boxes of art materials and was out of breath from running down the flight of stairs.

It was awkward but at the same time it wasn’t, just because you didn’t speak to each other anymore, didn’t mean you were now nothing but strangers.

At the end of the day, you were both adults and he was your colleague. One little mistake shouldn’t ruin what you two had, hence why an apology was in order and maybe lunch to make up for things.

“Would you like some help, Hoseok?” You offered with a smile.

Hoseok seemed hesitant at first, but he nodded his head, answering with a short, ‘yes, please.’ You took the box on top before following him to his classroom, it was now or never.

After placing the box on his desk, you turned around to face him. There was still a friendly smile on your lips, but he could tell you had something to say.

Hoseok was different from your other friends, he was sweeter than honey and brighter than the sun. He was careful with his words and actions, more so, he was loyal.

“I’m sorry for lying to you. I hope I can make it up to you by… maybe… buying you lunch?” You offered.

The way his face lit up at your words caused your heart to jump to your throat. This would’ve been so much easier if you didn’t have feelings for him.

“I’d love that, y/n,” he beamed.

You returned the smile before telling him to text you a day and time. That night, you went home with a light heart and skip in your step.

“Auntie, are you ever going to find a boyfriend?” Your niece asked you.

Namjoon choked on his chicken, eyes wide in surprise, he never thought his daughter would ask such a question. But you didn’t seem surprised, instead, you laughed in response and sent her a wink.

He wasn’t sure what that meant, but Yerin seemed to like the answer since she winked in return.

Namjoon sighed, girls were a mystery.

“Does Yerin know something I don’t?” your brother asked while washing the dishes.

You retired your chin on your hand while you watched him. He was bound to drop a plate or glass soon, it just meant you would need to finish off the dishes and clean his mess.

“I’m not going to drop anything tonight,” he declared while turning his head around.

There was a frown on his face as he glared at you, and It reminded you of the times your mum would tell you off or the times she would shout at Namjoon for breaking something.

“Do you remember when mum would get us in trouble for silly things, like laughing?” You reminisced.

Namjoon chuckled in return as he nodded his head. Of course, he remembered. While raising his daughter he’d come to learn that he was very much like his mum.

“I got Yerin in trouble for whistling the other night,” he snorted making you laugh.

“Mum would be so proud of you, Namjoon.”

He gazed at you with so much parent-like love, “and you.”

The rest of the night was spent looking through old albums and laughing at embarrassing photos while drinking wine and wishing time would slow down.

~

Winter was right around the corner; nights were colder, and the days were shorter. Now school was the last thing on children’s minds as they spoke about Christmas, and what they wanted from Santa Clause.

You smiled as you listened to your students talk about candy canes and finding the perfect Christmas tree. It reminded you of the times you would go sledging with Namjoon and have snowball fights with Yoongi.

“Miss, what are you doing on Christmas?” Taehyung urged with eagerness.

His question seemed to pique interest in the whole class as they had stopped colouring in. Their eyes were shining under the bright lights as they waited for you to answer his question. Truth be told, you didn’t have an answer. Well, you didn’t have one that would satisfy their minds or excite them further.

“She’s having dinner with me.”

The girls squealed at Hoseok’s’ answer while the boys sniggered to themselves. You playfully shook your head while asking them to quieten down so you could speak to Mr Jung. They were quick to do as they were told, but that didn’t mean they wouldn’t try to listen to your conversation or watch on with eager eyes.

“What can I do for you?” You greeted as you approached him.

“I don’t know if you remember, but you offered to buy me lunch,” he stated.

The few giggles heard behind you made you laugh to yourself easing your racing heart. You didn’t think he’d take the proposal since it’d taken him almost a month to get back to you.

“You’re right, I did offer,” you nodded.

“How’s Friday? I know it’s late but—“

“Friday is fine,” you cut him off before he could apologise or give an excuse for why he’d taken so long to get back to you.

His smile was contagious enough to make your class smile. But it wasn’t enough to make you forget about his girlfriend, the one woman you were trying to stay clear of.

It was when you were walking to your car you felt a hand on your shoulder. There was a strong feeling in your gut telling you not to turn around, but you still did.

And there she was.

“Hi Irene, can I help you?” You inquired politely.

She shook her head while slipping her hand into her pocket. Her long eyelashes fluttered over her tinted cheeks as she blinked. She was annoyingly very, very, pretty.

“I know you’re getting lunch with my boyfriend. So, I am only here to remind you that he is taken, and he’s mine,” she told you.

You were slightly taken aback by her strong demeanour, but it was a given that this would occur. You even had nightmares about it.

“I’m not going to steal him from you. He wouldn’t cheat on anyone and I would never do that to anyone,” you replied, trying to remain calm.

There was a smirk on her lips as she flicked her hair over her shoulder and fixed the scarf around her neck.

“As if he would want you anyways.”

The snicker that followed her words, in the process of her turning around and leaving, caused a heavy shiver to shoot up your spine.

You had a bad feeling about this.

~

Namjoon was rambling on about how Yoongi and Jin kept arguing about shoes when your phone buzzed in your pocket. You weren’t shocked to see multiple texts from Jimin but when you saw Hoseok's’ name, you felt yourself stop breathing.

A part of you knew it was a text to cancel plans, you didn’t want to believe it, but you knew. So, when you opened the message to read the text, you weren’t surprised.

However, you were disappointed.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Namjoon urged, softly.

You shook your head in reply and shoved your phone in your pocket. There were two ways to deal with this 1) to become really angry and never talk to Hoseok again, or 2) pretend you’re ok and move on.

He wasn’t single anyways; he was just a friend.

“Nothing, it’s just Jimin and his workload,” you lied while keeping a small smile on your lips so he wouldn’t worry.

Namjoon didn’t believe you, but he didn’t question you further either. If you wanted to talk, you would and he, of all people, knew that.

Still, at this point, option number one seemed to be better than the one you picked. But, at the end of the day, you were an adult with a full-time job.

And it sucked.

“I wish I wasn’t at home sick the day Hoseok asked me to dinner,” you voiced. “We wouldn’t be playing this stupid game and I wouldn’t have missed my chance.”

Namjoon remorsefully shook his head and hauled you in for a hug. He was quick to kiss your forehead and rub your back in comfort.

“If all these thoughts are coming from Jimin’s workload, you better ask him to stop messaging you,” he joked trying to lighten the mood.

It didn’t work of course, but it did bring a genuine smile to your lips. Hoseok would always be just a friend, and that was something you had to accept.

The very next day you were back at work, and so far, it seemed to be going okay considering you’d yet to come across Hoseok. However, for whatever reason, it seemed like he was avoiding you.

…Which was fine since you didn’t really want to talk to him, even though it was kind of childish…

“Auntie, I forgot my lunch,” a small voice spoke making you smile.

You felt the need to coo at your niece for being so adorable, but that would embarrass her, and then you would never hear the end of it.

“Come here, your dad texted me this morning. I picked up your favourite sandwich and drink at the supermarket before coming to work,” you grinned seeing her eyes shine at the sight of food.

“Thanks, Auntie!”

Yerin was quick to hop into a chair at one of the many desks in the room and eat her lunch. She would chat with you almost after every bite and tell you about her day like she would at home.

It was nice having company… maybe you should ask Jimin to meet you for lunch, it does get a bit lonely sometimes.

“Mr Park said he has a someone special,” Yerin voiced with a mouth full of food. “He said she works here.”

You rolled your eyes at the little girl; she was just as bad as her dad.

“Yerin-ah, you were supposed to eat the sandwich, not destroy it.”

She giggled in response while hopping off her seat, “thank you, auntie! I’ll see you at home time.”

You watched her throw her trash in the bin before running out of the room. It made you feel a little sad to see her leave, but there was nothing you could do about that.

~

“Hey, you,” Jimin beamed when you stepped into his class.

He was marking papers, something you should’ve been doing too, but you didn’t want to sit alone anymore.

“Let’s get dinner,” you proposed just as you stood in front of his desk.

The sun was setting behind Jimin producing golden hues. It made the room look different, more intriguing rather than dull and boring. Jimin stood up and stepped around his desk after reaching for his coat. He must’ve agreed to your suggestion because he was already walking towards the door.

“What are you waiting for?”

His smile made his eyes disappear, and it made you laugh to yourself as you remembered him complaining about how he couldn’t see whenever you made him smile.

Jimin was a good friend, he always would be.

“Nothing. Let’s go.”

When you invited Jimin to dinner, you didn’t think he would invite Hoseok and his… girlfriend. It’s not like this was a double date, more so, you just didn’t want to speak to them.

The sun had set long ago, the stars were shining, and the moon long replaced the sun. A sigh parted your lips as you felt cold air seep through your coat. Maybe you could cancel last minute and go home. They would understand since you took care of Yerin a lot when Namjoon worked.

Another sigh left your lips.

“Are you okay?” Jimin asked with concerned eyes.

You smiled at him and nodded your head. He must’ve known you were lying, or you’re just a really bad liar because he was quick to pull you aside.

Why were you so easy to read?

“Is it because I invited Hoseok?” He questioned further.

“I’m sorry. I know it’s really immature but I just— I can’t,” you told him.

What you said didn’t make sense, but Jimin seemed to understand.

“Let’s go somewhere else. Wait here.”

You watched him step towards the couple, watched him take Hoseok aside and tell him he was taking you somewhere else. Hoseok’s smile fell as his gaze met yours, he didn’t question further but you knew he wanted to.

Jimin didn’t say anything when he led you out of the restaurant. He didn’t say anything when he ordered the food. He didn’t say anything when he paid for the bill.

You were thankful that he didn’t pry into your mind, to be honest, you didn’t have an answer yourself. Maybe you were jealous of Irene or maybe you hated yourself for not trying with Hoseok.

It was too late now anyway.

“Thank you for dinner, Jimin,” you beamed. “And for taking me somewhere else.”

He shyly shook his head, eyes small crescents as he smiled widely.

“It’s ok. I’m sorry I invited them without asking you,” he replied sheepishly.

“It was my fault. I shouldn’t have acted the way I did.”

Jimin was sweet and careful with you, his touches were soft and words sincere. Sometimes you wondered what it would be like to be in love with him. However, in the end, you really just wanted him to find the perfect person, someone who would love him forever.

“I hope you work things out with Hoseok,” he shrugged, hand rubbing the back of his neck.

You disregarded what he said. Instead, you smiled at him again and kissed his cheek before thanking him once more and letting yourself into your home.

It’s not that you didn’t want to ‘fix’ things, it’s just that you didn’t know what needed fixing. Was it miscommunication? Or were you simply overthinking everything?

Probably the latter.

“Namjoon-ah, I’m home.”

~

“Enjoy your Christmas break, class, and don’t forget to leave out cookies for Santa,” you winked as you dismissed your class.

They happily said goodbye while they trailed out of the room, one by one. You could see Hoseok down the corridor waving bye to his class too. It had been a while since you spoke to him, to be honest… you missed him. A lot.

He made eye contact with you before stepping back into his room. Hoseok looked good in a suit and tie. But he looked better with a smile on his face and you hadn’t seen one in a while.

A deep exhale left your lips as you pulled your phone out of your coat pocket. There were multiple texts from Jimin and a few from Namjoon; as usual.

However, there was also one from Hoseok.

From Jung Hoseok:

— I was wondering if we could talk.

— Maybe over a cup of coffee?

You were nervous. Really nervous.

To Jung Hoseok:

— Make it a hot chocolate and you have a deal.

From Jung Hoseok:

— Done ;)

Sometimes you wondered what it would feel like to belong to someone. Other times, you wondered what it would feel like to belong to Jung Hoseok.

“Thanks for meeting up with me.”

You blinked out of your daze when you heard his voice. It took you a few seconds to realise you’d reached the chosen cafe.

“It’s ok. I really needed a hot chocolate,” you chuckled nervously. “So, what did you want to talk about?”

Hoseok seemed nervous, well, more nervous than you. He had a woolly scarf wrapped around his neck while a black coat engulfed his body. It made him appear smaller. Cute.

He didn’t say anything for a few minutes, but he kept his gaze locked on yours. As if he was studying you, memorising your features to secure it in his memory forever.

It was a comfortable silence. Almost.

“I—Well… I wanted to talk about us,” he muttered, eyes dropping to his hands.

You nodded your head, silently prompting him to continue. However, you had a few things to say too.

“It’s just that… We used to be such good friends, and then I asked you out and everything kind of… fell apart? I don’t know,” he sighed in frustration as he thought about it. “I’m sorry if I ruined things, I just, I guess I wish you told me how you felt sooner.”

Now it was your turn to be frustrated, not only because of the obvious miscommunication between you too but also because of how stupid he was. It was almost as if he didn’t know anything.

“You didn’t ruin anything, Hoseok. I explained why I couldn’t meet you that night, I really wanted to, but I was sick,” you told him.

Hoseok seemed even more confused than before, he couldn’t get his head around what you’d just told him. Mainly because he didn’t receive a text from you that night.  

“I didn’t get a text.”

That couldn’t be right. You remember sending a text to him because Namjoon told you to stay home. So, how?

“I really didn’t, y/n. If I did and if I’d known you were sick, I would’ve come to see you,” he added.

“It’s ok, I believe you. I’m just confused.”

He nodded his head in relief and finally smiled at you. Everything seemed to be making sense between you two. The only thing left to figure out was how this miscommunication occurred.

“Me too,” he chuckled breathlessly. “But it’s weird because Irene turned up out of nowhere.”

Your eyes were quick to meet his, to see how he felt about her as if you could. It was strange because he didn’t seem too pleased about the way her name rolled off his tongue.

“Are you two… like… a thing?”

It was a stupid question because everyone who worked at the school knew. But they’d all heard from Irene, that was one person. That was one side of the story, no one had ever heard anything from Hoseok.

More so, your question seemed to throw Hoseok off guard.

“We’ve never been a thing!” He suddenly argued. “Why would we be when everyone knows I like you?”

“I’m sorry! There’s no need to get angry, it’s not like it’s my fault. You never told me how you felt.”

He scoffed in annoyance while rolling his eyes, “y/n, I asked you out on a date! That’s bound to tell you something.”

You’d never seen him angry before. Hoseok didn’t even get angry at his class when they misbehaved.

“I didn’t know, okay. Irene told everyone you two were together,” you muttered under your breath.

Hoseok shook his head in disbelief, you didn’t know if he was angry at you, Irene or himself. Maybe it was your fault for believing someone like Irene. You sighed.

This wasn’t going as well as you thought it was. The guy you liked, liked you back but you were too oblivious to see that and now, now he was leaving.

You wanted to cry. Why was the universe never on your side?

To Joonie:

— Can you pick me up? Please.

From Joonie:

— I’m on my way, love

What a great start to Christmas break…

~

“Y/n, you need to get out of bed,” Namjoon scolded once again when he opened the door to your room.

He had been trying to get you out of bed for two days now, but you weren’t listening. A deep exhale parted his lips when he saw you pull the covers over your head.

This was ridiculous.

“What kind of example are you setting for your niece? This is not how you deal with your problems, now get up before I drag you out of bed.”

You groaned at his words and reluctantly threw the covers off when you heard him walk away.

“At least shut the door, you asshole!”

“Language!” He yelled back making you cringe.

This was not going to be a good Christmas break, and to make it worse, you still wanted to cry.

It was nearing 4pm when you finally dragged yourself out of bed. The moon had already replaced the sun, and a thick white blanket covered the city.

You felt like going back to bed and never waking up until you really needed to. But you opted for your phone instead since Namjoon was extra scary when he was in mom mode.

From Jimin:

— Text me for plans!

From Yoongi:

— I think we need to organise a horror movie night!

— But just us… if you know what I mean ;)

— Jokes… text me!

From Jung Hoseok:

— We need to talk.

From Irene:

— You made Hoseok cheat on me!

— You said you would never do that. Lying Bitch.

Wow, okay.

To Jung Hoseok:

— Screenshot sent.

You didn’t get a reply when you sent the screenshot, not even hours later. To be honest, you tried not to care.

But it was hard not to.

“Good to see you’re finally awake. Come and eat something,” Namjoon shot without giving you a second glance.

At least your brother cared about your well-being.

~

Christmas break was going as well as you expected it to. Most days were spent having coffee with Jimin; small outings with your friend… which he called dates. You didn’t think much of it, friends could have friend dates, right?

But then, then, after one too many coffees, he asked you to be his date to his parents Christmas party. Something about wanting to introduce his favourite person to his family. You didn’t know what it meant—what he meant, but you couldn’t say no.

Namjoon was over the moon when you told him. He said something about finally getting over a long crush and moving on. He was wrong, you weren’t moving on. The last few days had been somewhat like an out of body experience, leaving you confused and annoyed.

You don’t know what you were doing.

“Wear a nice dress for him,” Yerin voiced while she watched you raid your closet.

“I don’t have any.”

She clicked her tongue as she slid off your bed. Yerin was a sweet little girl, but sometimes you believed she was an old soul. The way she spoke or acted only proved your assumption.

“Auntie, wear the dress you were going to wear on your date with Mr Jung.”

You let her move you out of the way and observed her draw out a bag from the back of your closet. It was buried away so you would never need to see it again, not like you had anywhere to wear it anyways…

“Here,” she forced, giving you the bag.

Sometimes Yerin reminded you of your mum.

“Thanks,” you muttered, earning a smile in return.

The dress fit better than you remembered. It looked nice. Who were you kidding? It was perfect… just perfect for the wrong guy. Still, maybe dating Jimin won’t be hard.

You say that while your heart sinks at the sight of Jung Hoseok.

Jimin didn’t tell you Hoseok was invited, he didn’t tell you he would wear a black suit with a tie that somehow matched the colour of your dress, he didn’t tell you he would smile and shine.

More so, he didn’t tell you that Hoseok would avoid you.

There was nothing you could do about that though. If he wanted to avoid you so be it… the whole situation, however, annoyed you more than you thought it would.

“You look beautiful, y/n,” Jimin complimented.

He reached for your hand and interlaced it with his. Your eyes caught Hoseok’s before you turned your attention to your friend.

“Thank you. You don’t look so bad yourself,” you teased making him laugh.

“I need to be honest with you,” he sighed with a small smile. “I didn’t invite you to be my date. I invited you because you and Hoseok need to talk and sort out all the misunderstandings.”

This wasn’t the first time Jimin had been so serious, but it was the first time he had been serious with you. More so, he was right.

You really wanted to talk to Hoseok and ask him what his problem was, because who acts this way with the person they like? But then again, you didn’t tell him how you felt, you were too worried about Irene. Someone who meant little to nothing to Hoseok.

The whole thing was really fucking stupid.

“Okay, thanks for being honest, Jimin,” you replied.

He drew you in for a hug before pushing you towards Hoseok, “talk it out and thank me later.”

It was awkward for about five seconds, but then it seemed like things were going to be okay when he smiled at you. Not at Jimin or Jin but you.

There was no exchange of words for the first few seconds, it was obvious a lot had to be said but the two of you didn’t know where to start. First of all, there was the situation with Irene. Second of all, there was the screenshot and then, then there were your feelings.

“We have a lot to talk about,” Hoseok finally addressed.

You nodded your head, “I know.”

He held onto your hand and led you into Jimin’s room. He closed the door before stepping onto the balcony for fresh air. It was stuffy inside, and the air was nice and cool against your skin.

The stars shone brighter than the city lights– the city which seemed to go on forever over the horizon. It made you feel small and incapable. The world was a big place waiting to be explored.

You had a lot going through your mind, but you didn’t know what to say.  

Although it was Hoseok who spoke first. He had his hands in his pocket as he stared at the city ahead.

“I’m sorry for ignoring you. There was a lot to deal with after we spoke, even more after you sent me that screenshot,” he spoke quietly as if afraid to wake the world.

“I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have acted the way I did.”

Hoseok turned around to stare at you– properly stare at you. It’d been a while, he regretted not speaking to you sooner. So much went through his mind when Jimin told him you two were meeting up for coffee or lunch.

It annoyed him when Jimin called them ‘dates’, but there was nothing he could do or say… until now.

“Irene won’t be bothering you anymore, I sorted it all out,” he said while gazing into your eyes. “You won’t need to worry about her.”

“Tha–That’s good.”

He nodded his head before dropping his gaze. So far things were going well, so far it seemed like it would go back to normal. But then, then you hadn’t really voiced your mind or told him how you felt.

You didn’t know if it was a good time. He deserved to know, of course, he did. How would you tell him though? Hey, I’ve liked you for so long now? No, that’s embarrassing.

“You don’t need to force things to get better or be okay because I know they will be,” Hoseok voiced as he offered a smile.

It was almost funny how he always seemed to know what to say.

You presented a smile in return as you asked him to dance…

~

Namjoon was as dumbfounded as was your niece. They stared at you with wide eyes and dropped jaws. This wasn’t the reaction you were expecting on Christmas Eve when you told them about your talk with Hoseok.

“You didn’t confess?” Yerin almost screeched. “What kind of romance drama is this?”

You raised your eyebrows in surprise, “this isn’t a romance drama. It never was.”

“Watch your tone Yerin-ah,” Namjoon added in a stern tone.

Yerin was quick to shut her mouth, she knew not to get her dad angry. However, she also knew when she was right, and exactly what to say; it was a similar trait to your mum.

“I just think auntie should go and confess. Like, now.”

Namjoon stared at his daughter for a few seconds before turning to stare at you, his expression told you everything, and it was hard not to roll your eyes.

“It’s Christmas Eve,” you deadpanned. “He’ll be spending time with his family.”

Your brother shrugged his shoulders at you as he drew Yerin onto his lap. She was smart for a seven-year-old it was scary.

“You might never get the chance again,” he told you matter-of-factly. “It’s better to say it than regret it later, isn’t it?”

“I hate when you’re right.”

A lot went through your mind when you texted Hoseok. So much more rushed through your mind while you waited for him next to the Christmas tree. There was no one at the park except you and the fear of him not showing up.

It was nearing midnight. Three more minutes and it would be Christmas. Three more minutes and then you were leaving. He wasn’t going to show up. He wasn’t coming.

“Why are your eyes closed?” Someone asked,

A long exhale, you didn’t know you were holding, escaped your lips while you slowly opened your eyes.

“I was scared you wouldn’t come.”

He smiled his bright smile making you blush.

“That’s silly. We have a lot of missed time to make up for, so here I am,” he winked.

Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Sure, he was right about all the chances you missed, but did he know you liked him? Surely, not.

However, the smile on his lips and the gaze in his eyes said otherwise. He had to know… if he didn’t before he definitely did now. You asked him to meet you at night, next to a Christmas tree because you had something to tell him.

How obvious could you be?

“Hoseok, I think you already know… but I like you too.”

“Yeah, you’re right,” he chuckled. “I already know.”

You laughed in return earning a soft gaze from the man in front. It kind of was like a romantic drama as your niece had said, just one with a little less drama. It was nice especially when Hoseok tucked a strand of hair behind your ear before kissing your cheek.

“Merry Christmas, my love.”

[nyan-koii]

Hashira ft. Sabito as genshin impact players

aunotes : Bad grammar ahead! I didnt proofread it so be aware of brain damage. plus i initially wrote it at the 1.6 update

PART 1 : T.Muichiro, R.Kyojuro, K.Shinobu, S.Sanemi, U.Tengen 

Muichiro : he probably would be uninterested at first. He's more to first person shooting game or anything other than this concept of farming or investing. So that's why when he saw yuichirou banging his fist on his desk, trying to get his fav character, he would simply just watch

"Fck this game, i've had enough,"

"But you havent finish your wishing things yet,"

Stares. "How about you give it a try mui. You might get the character i want,"

"You sure about that? You might get angry at me," "better than nothing. Now go go, get em you donkey,"

His first ten pulls on the game brings out a light we all want to see

"Eh is tha-" "AAAA A FUCKING 5 STAR FCK FCKFCK,"

Apparently, it was one of the luckiest wish yuichiro had ever seen so far

"OHMYFUCK, you GOT A GODDAMN KLEE, QIQI AND SUCROSE WTFF???"

"I think i get your fav character?"

"Yeahh!! More than that to be honest. I want klee but you brought me two more person," sniffles and cries "you're really lucky mui. You should try and play the game,"

"It's probably the system. I doubt im that lucky tho,"

Nah, he really is lucky. Apparently he wished for his friends and got what they all really wanted for so long

"Thank you for getting me the aquila favonia, muichiro,"

"It's nothing really. I just simply press the button. It might be the system that's giving you the thing you want when i wish,"

"But still, even if i were to wish, i can get really scared and paranoid over it,"

"That's bad. You shouldnt invest yourself that much in the game tanjiro. It's just a game,"

"Ehehehe, i guess so. But you're really good at it muichiro! If you download it, we can play together :D!"

!!!!

It took the word "play together" to get muichiro down on his knee for that game. Usually the idea of playing with your friends is not that interesting. So when tanjiro said that, you bet he's going to play it

Type of player

Extremely lucky it's not even real. He got a five star on the beginner's banner

Fast farming. He probably will complete all the quest and become an endgame player within one month

"I just wanted to play with tanjiro..." bashfully

He's really good with whatever he's doing. Attack combo, dodging, elemental reaction and all sorts of stuff. If he invest more of his time on artifacts, he would probably even one shot it!!

He's very lucky. Very

Kyojuro : he wouldnt even know the existence of this game. Well, he took a glimpse of it one day and boom, heart stolen. Maybe it was the fiery burning passion in bennett that made him play the game.

'oh wow!! What a determined young boy! Even though he has a very bad luck he still keep pushing forward! Amazing!!'

'I want to be like him'

Kyojuro's the type of player to read and pay attention to every single lore of his fav character. Bennett, oh my how he wish he could've had bennett in his team. Every wishes he made would make him a c6 bennett main if only barbara wont stop coming home

"I really like you barbara but i dont want you!! Thank you for the c6 though!! I promise to use you in the future but just-" he prepares to wish

"not NOW!!" Clicks

The highest con of bennett he had ever gotten is probably c1. One day the paimon's bargain shop offered bennett as their monthly character. Kyojuro had never been so excited over a game before. He usually perks up over academics and not this kind of thing. But it's bennett, the character he admires the most.

Unfortunately he couldnt get it due to low currency. He had never feel so sad in his life.

"I shall not give up. Dont worry, i will be a c6 bennett main!!!"

He will be a c6 bennett haver!!

Type of player :

Carefully reads every stories and listens to their lines attentively. He finds it amazing how the company spent their everything on this game. It amazes him. From the stories, lores and lines, he truly appreciates it.

Balance his team pretty well. He mains bennett so he doesnt need that much of a healer in his team.

Enjoys bennett's hangout very much!! He tried to not get him killed by the dungeon's trap but ended up having to sacrifice him which ultimately ends the route. He had never felt so down and guilty before.

Not much of a damage dealer. He prefers to play it in normal mode and doesnt care that much about one shotting monster.

He feeds his character three meals a day!! If only there's a sleep option, he would be sending bennett to sleep first before the rest.

Everyone loves his teapot

Shinobu : found the game while she's scrolling through the app store out of boredom. Initially she played it on her phone but due to the fps and a really bad ping, so bad that douma wouldnt find her interesting anymore, she finally downloaded the game on her pc where things has starting to get real

"Ara, shinobu chan, it's lunch time already. Come downstairs please,"

"Sis give me five more minutes, JUST FIVE PLEASE I NEED TO KICK CHILDE's ASS,"

"he's not going anywhere sweetie,"

"yEAHH BUT MY BP IS,"

'Bp?'

"DIE DIE DIE!!" Aggresive clicking intensifies

"Shinobu chan dont hurt the keyboard that much!!"

She got lucky on the beginner's banner too and pulled a 5 star along with bennett and noelle. Who's the 5 star? Diluc Ragnvindr in all of his glory. Shinobu benched him sadly. She prefers sword over any other weapon

"I mean he's cool i guess but i just really dont get that 'WOAHHH COOL' vibe from him you know?"

"then give your diluc to me! I really want him so bad shinobu chan!"

Deep sighs "yeah sure. You can have my c2 diluc mitsuri..."

Loses 50/50 to diluc everytime everyone would think she either is lucky or cursed by the amount of that man greeting him on the screen. She still bench him though, sadly

"Im begging you, give me jEANN THE GRANDMASTER I NEED HEALER iN MY PARTY TO DO ABYSS

Type of player :

Suffers a lot in the abyss because she just want the primos which is a valid reason to do because that's the only thing that keeps her going

She's a sword character main. She'll properly build every character as either support or dps. The support would be kaeya and bennett, and her main dps ayaka

Ayaka main btw

Honestly at some point she wanted to quit the game because of how tiring it is but then inazuma came out

Fragile resin = 0

Resin = 160/160 happens once in a blue moon

"i should probably control myself with the amount of resin i've used,"

"But i cant,"

Hates domain but always can be seen playing in there

Only coops if mitsuri is there

"So that someone can calm me down,"

"That's not a really good reason shinobu chan,"

Sanemi : dude probably know the game through obanai. He watched the latter play and finds it interesting on how high the numbers he dealt. He loves challenges so a game like genshin impact would probably satisfy his need.

"Obanai, are you hearing this shit?"

"What is it sanemi, im busy doing this event,"

"That loser giyuu is also playing the game,"

"Oh yeah i know,"

"YOU KNOW? WHY YOU DIDNT TELL ME??"

"i just know right after you told me,"

"...."

Sanemi's a meta but a mediocre one. He's meta but he doesnt show it that much. Probably buys welkin once in every three months or when he really needs it same goes with battle pass too. Honestly, he really just use his money when he really needs something

"Donno if my allowance can buy me a welkin so i'll probably skip,"

"But the next banner is zhongli's,"

"....."

"Ah fuck it," buys

My man cant dodge after he got zhongli. Its very painful because he used to studies the enemies movement in the early game so that he can utilizes it on the team but zhongli's shield is so tank he forgot that dodging exists

"Im gonna kill you and you and you hhahaahhaah just you wait im gonna shred all of yo- oh shit zhongli's shield. puT IT BACK PUT IT BACK ON,"

That one event where zhongli's shield plays an important role in the domain? Yeah, he felt like a god at that time. Even got his c2 on his rerun. Sanemi just really like zhongli because it kinda reminds him of himejima. Calm and wise and strong too. He looks up on that kind of person

"Zhongli sama, im in debt for all of your hard work protecting my team," bows and wipes tears

Type of player :

Spends a little money on the game to get what he wants

Zhongli main

Is that one player that has hoards of food but doesnt even use it

"Why need healer when you have zhongli's shield,"

Compare to kyojuro, he doesnt even touch the teapot because he finds it ridiculous and bothersome to create and design everything in it

Loves one shotting bosses and compares it to giyuu. He ask for advices from obanai regarding team build supports and stuffs

Doesnt do character's story quest. The key is full every single time. He unlocks it but leaves the quest like that.

"Ah shit, i accidentally activate the quest,"

His friend list only has obanai in it. Whenever people sent him friend request, he wouldnt hesitate, more like wouldnt care to accept it

They either have to coop in obanai's world or his world and after that, unfriend immediately

Says thank you after coop because he has manners and then completely disappears

"Zhongli main forever,"

Tengen : played since 1.0 this madlad has been staying loyal to the game ever since. Quite huge amount of money he spend on this game to be honest but he never gets broke by it. You can see his regular donation to the game by purchasing welkin and battle pass and some genesis crystal too. He's loaded with money, he didnt know what to do with it.

Uzui also plays honkai impact and guns girl Z so when he saw the unknown god at the intro , he was not surprised.

"Oh we have to pick between the siblings? Cool cool co- oh hi kiana,"

"Thats so herrscher of void hahahahah,"

Although he is a loyal fan to MihoYo games, he lost his composure when he saw the 1st genshin anniversary reward because what was that. Imagine getting billions of money and they give us this? Tengen cant believe this shit

"Oh god wtf was that reward, i have to draw to get a welkin and some primos?? aND I ALSO HAVE TO BE LUCKY? WHAT-"

"WHERE'S MY FREE MONA,"

In need of mona. He needs mona so bad he literally spent his money on standard banner to get mona but always ends up with qiqi. Not that he's complaining but he just wants the astrologist to complete the support team

"GOD QIQI YOU AGAIN? WTF WFF WTF-" converts genesis crystal to primigems

"Tengen, you should control yourself!"

"SHUT UP KYOJURO, IM GONNA WASTE MY MONEY TILL I GET HER,"

"yeah but my f2p ass is hurting with how many bennett cons you got," droops

Tengen sees potential in every character. Everyone has their weakness and strength so when kokomi comes out, he diss her at first but then realize maybe its a new way for a character. Adds the uniqueness if he may say so.

"Meh i dont care honestly. You guys should pull whoever you find nice or beautiful. Like me ;)"

"Who do you main uzui?"

"Beidou,"

Type of player

Spoils the storylines, lores, leaks A LOT THE REST HAVE TO BLOCK HIM ON SOCIAL MEDIA

Speed runs the game and has become an endgame player ever since but he still does his daily commission and helps people with domains and stuffs

R5 every battle pass weapon

Fights azhdaha for fun and to test out his characters rather than ruin guards and stuff

Mona wanter

Puts traveller as the pfp and doesnt display any showcase of his characters and namecards. You can only see his achievements and spiral abyss ( 12-3 ). Says its for fun and mystery

Throws a lot of pickup lines and roleplays a lot. Spams your chatbox messages with stickers and censored stuffs

Probably steals your ores and exotic things like violetgrass, qingxin and silk flowers

Screams in the chatbox whenever he saw Mona until Kyojuro had to calm him down

Changes signature every single time and sometimes put spoilers in it

In every survey he would complain "MihoYo where the fuck is my Mona,"

Doesnt heals his characters