#based on a taylor swift song

[hairmetal666]

Eddie's supposed to be writing. The guys, they all agreed they'd each come to practice armed with two whole new songs they could pick from to add to their set list at the Hideout. And he's got his pen, and he's got his most recent trusty Composition Book, and all his lyrics are fucking bullshit about golden tanned skin and honeyed eyes and tracing constellations in freckles and moles, pathetic lines about being twisted in bed sheets, and the hopeless love he found himself in.

For the fifth time in an hour, he rips out the offending page, crunches it into a tight ball, and throws it across the room.

He can't write about Steve Harrington for the rest of his life; spend his nights aching for the boy who established himself as a fixture in Eddie's life and then just disappeared.

The worst of it--the very worst--is that Eddie knew better. Steve was never his, not in any real way, no matter how many times they fucked. He's Steve Harrington. Straightest guy in Hawkins. Popular. Rich. Whole fucking life laid out for him on a silver platter. And Eddie fell for him. It's the Munson curse, he supposes; always wanting what you can't have.

It started the way these things usually do, "got any weed?" and "come back to my place, Harrington" and "I got this stupid job at the mall, meet me there?" and lying "hey, guys, can't make band practice, gotta help Uncle Wayne" and "Munson, I really want--can I kiss you?"

In every other fantasy Eddie's ever had, it ends there. Steve gets his kiss and they never see each other again. But Steve Harrington--he's full of surprises. It catches Eddie off guard, makes him want, makes him trust. Because it's not just kisses. It's hands and mouths and "anything you want, Eddie. Let me make you feel good."

Maybe it wouldn't have hit so hard--maybe Eddie could've stopped from falling--if Steve hadn't been so good. Bitchy, sure, but genuine and kind. Had this whole gaggle of junior high kids he babysat, like what the fuck. Would hang out with Wayne and shoot the shit about whatever sports nonsense was on tv. Harrington never was as mean, as spoiled, as superficial as Eddie suspected.

Then Starcourt. That's when it all changes. Steve stops coming around then, in the aftermath. It hurts, but Eddie tells himself it's for the best. Now, he knows it would have been.

Two weeks with no contact, and Steve shows up at his door in the middle of the night. Eddie winces at the healing bruises and cuts on his face, can't imagine how much worse they were to start. He steps aside, lets Steve in, plans to say that he can't be whatever they are anymore.

Steve kisses him. It's a hot, needy thing, wild with teeth and tongue, nothing like before. Eddie is helpless to it, helpless to the way Steve grinds against him, already hard. He should slow it down, check-in that Steve is in the right headspace for this, but Steve is moaning low in his throat and Eddie can't think.

They're in Eddie's bed and Steve says, "fuck me, Eddie?" and Eddie says "are you sure" because he can't stop himself. Steve rolls his eyes (beautifuly bitchy), says, "I need to feel you inside me, baby."

How can Eddie say no?

Eddie's never done this before, but it doesn't matter. It's everything--Steve is everything--he could ask for.

The next morning, he expects Steve to be gone. Thinks they'll never see each other again. But he finds Steve in the kitchen, in his boxers and Eddie's Iron Maiden shirt, making eggs and talking to Wayne like it's the most normal thing in the world.

The next month and a half are the best of Eddie's life. He and Steve spend more time together than they do apart. Nights at Eddie's trailer, in Eddie's bed. Days lounging at the Harrington pool and driving around the nothing that surrounds Hawkins. Sometimes they'll stop in the middle of nowhere, climb on top of the van, and just--be. Steve takes his shirt off, and Eddie traces their names in the sun-soaked freckles, thinking maybe he really gets to have this, have Steve.

It ends as quickly as it started. One morning in September, Steve is cupping Eddie's neck, pulling him in for a goodbye kiss, saying, "sorry, baby, gotta get home for my parents. I'll see you later tonight, yeah?"

Except Eddie doesn't. Eddie doesn't see Steve that night, or the night after, or the night after that. He stops coming around and all Eddie is left with is a broken heart and these piss poor excuses for songs.

He rips out the latest page, waxing lyrical about the wonders of August, and time slipping away, and the boy he'll never forget. Crumples it into a ball and bats it into a pile of junk accumulated in the corner of his room.

Eddie needs a break.

He flies into the living room, snatches up his keys from the floor by the coffee table, and flees his house and all those memories of Steve. It's not like he has anywhere specific to go, so he drives around town, with his windows down and his music up.

His tires screech as he rounds the corner to the video store and arcade. He's not planning on stopping, but honestly, maybe a few rounds of Space Invaders is exactly what he needs.

The van hasn't even come to a stop in the parking spot when his eyes fall on Steve Harrington. He's standing in the middle of the parking lot surrounded by a gang of kids (including some of Eddie's new little sheepies) and Robin Buckley. Steve wears a sunny yellow sweatshirt, tight jeans, and his hair is perfectly coifed, falling in an elegant wave. His hands are on his hips, mouth and brows pinched stern. He's gorgeous, perfect.

It's an assault, an attack, Eddie's entire body shakes as the months they spent together crash over him. He has the van in reverse before he consciously thinks to do so, flooring it out of the space hard enough to burn rubber.

The noise, the speed, it draws the entire group's attention to him.

His eyes meet Steve's.

Time stops and so does he, idling in the middle of the parking lot. For a second, one moment in time, Steve's face falls. His mouth loses that grumpy pinch, his eyebrows drop, his beauty transformed by grief, by fucking longing.

Steve takes a step forward, and Eddie hits the gas, van screaming out of the parking lot. He watches the group shrink in his rearview mirror, sure that he imagined the sorrow in Steve's face, anyway.

They're nothing to each other.

Never were.

By popular request: Part Two

[film-bro-hotch]

I Can See You - Hotch x Fem!Reader (one-shot)

I have had the idea for this one-shot ever since this song came out, and I wrote it in the middle of the night in an attempt to stay up and fight jetlag. This is going to be posted quite literally as I am in the airport about to move to a foreign country, so please enjoy.

Summary: You and Hotch start something outside of work that slowly starts to make its way into your on-the-clock time in more risky ways. Based on I Can See You by Taylor Swift.

Warnings: smut 18+, oral (m receiving), semi-public sex, workplace relationships (?) but like in the most disruptive way possible

WC: 2k

'Cause I can see you waitin' down the hall from me And I could see you up against the wall with me And what would you do, baby, if you only knew? That I can see you

The past three months had been filled with what everyone assumed to be the mundane, typical occurrences of amicable coworkers. Passing of paper, catching glances of him from across the room during a briefing, occasionally brushing polyester suit jackets against each other in the elevator. They were insignificant. Or at least that is what everyone thought.

It’s what you wanted them to see. And to be completely honest, it’s what you thought at first too. Why would you possibly think your older, recently divorced boss would be interested in you?

Yet here you were on the BAU jet after a case. He was sitting next to you, both working on some paperwork to officially close the case you had just been working on. You couldn't remember a specific detail from the case. 

“Hey, Hotch, how many rounds of ammo did this guy have in his basement again?” “Enough I think he was doomsday prepping. Local PD was still getting an accurate number when we were leaving. I’ll call them when we land.” His tone was nonchalant enough, you really didn’t think much of it. 

An hour later you were at your desk, getting ready to pack up when he came by, close enough that he was brushing your shoulder. He had picked up a pen from your desk and wrote the number down on your documents.

Odd moments like this kept happening. Sometimes he would lean a little closer than usual to show you one of the various drawings Jack made that he had stuck on the fridge. When you asked him for help on some grueling paperwork, your shoulders often touched. You would go to turn in administrative work and instead of putting it in the designated basket on his desk, you handed it directly to him, his fingers brushing yours. If you looked close enough, you could have sworn you saw his ears go a little red.

No one had said anything yet, which filled you partly with relief. Emily and JJ not saying anything was normal. They may be profilers, but they were both pretty good at keeping their noses out of their coworkers’ business. Who wasn’t so good at that was Penelope. If anyone was going to catch on to it, it would be her. And she would say something to you.

The fact that she hadn’t made you feel a little crazy. Were you really just reading too much into things? Were you projecting? 

That was until one day after everyone was gone, he asked you to dinner.

You said yes, of course, though partly in the back of your head you wondered if it was more of a friendly coworker ‘well, we are both off and have nothing else to do’ dinner date than a date date. Any concerns of that were crushed when at the door of your apartment he kissed you. You had imagined his lips a few times already, thin and usually in some kind of disapproving frown. They were soft against yours, and you could feel the gentle scratch of his stubble on your chin. 

When he pulled away, you expected maybe a form of regret, a look that read ‘what have I done?’ Instead, he just looked hungry for more.

“I know I shouldn’t have,” he says.

“But you did.” And so you gave him more. You both tumbled into your apartment. Your hands were in his hair, his hand was grabbing your ass as he continued to kiss you. You remember making it to the bed, and you remember that he spent the night at your place that night.

After that, work with Aaron looked much like it had the past few months. Business as usual with only stolen moments of tenderness, when your hands touched, his calloused fingers brushed yours for just a moment as he handed you a report and asked you to turn it in at 5:00 before you went home. You didn’t let the team catch the way your eyes linger on him for just a moment longer than what was socially appropriate for co-workers, how your gaze went from his eyes to his lips, usually pressed in a thin line. No one saw how in that cramped elevator, the last part of your morning commute, he would sometimes get closer, let one finger from the hand holding his briefcase curl with your pinkie. 

That had been the two of you for the last three months. Professional. You just weren’t sure how much longer you could take professional.

It started out simple enough. You were in his office for a legitimate reason. JJ had been out sick and as the only other person with a communication background, her work fell on you, though you didn’t mind. You were there to hand him a stack of briefings for potential cases, and as he started to flip through them, you casually slipped a hand on top of his thigh, your fingers curling towards his inner thigh, your thumb rubbing circles against the fabric of his pants. You could feel his pulse rise, his sharp intake of breath, see his eyes dart straight toward his door, the blinds that were open. There was a certain thrill in the danger of being caught. “What?” you asked coyly. “Scared of being found out?” “I’m not-it’s not that.” He was flustered. “We are at work. And your hands are cold.”

“Oh, I am very aware,” you said, abruptly pulling your hand from his and standing straight. “JJ should be back tomorrow, but if you have any other questions on these, just let me know,” you said, continuing on like you hadn’t just turned his face red with a touch or given him an awful boner in the middle of work.

Later that week, you had left your desk to give yourself one more cup of coffee considering you knew you would be working later than usual to finish up some details on a file. You usually go down the hall and sneak into another department’s kitchen to use a couple flavoring syrups. Passing a nook, you felt a hand grab you and pull you back, another hand settling on your lower back as Hotch pulled you into a kiss. Your surprised grunt was muffled by his lips, his teeth nearly busting your lips when they crashed into you. 

“What the hell are you doing?” you breathed. “We are at work.”

“This is the only place on this floor besides a janitor's closet that isn’t on camera. And I didn’t exactly think cleaning chemicals gave the most romantic mood.” He said it completely seriously, like he had actually given this thought. 

“Wait, how did you know I was even going to be here?”

“You always get a second cup when you are planning to stay past 5:00. And you never get coffee from the BAU’s kitchen. You go down the hall to data science because they have better variety. I just happened to take a break right before you went for a refill, and I happened to be in the one corner that cameras don’t reach.” His tone was matter-of-fact, like he was reading from a textbook rather than the romantic declaration that he actually paid attention to your habits. 

“It’s really hot when you pay attention, you know,” you said, reaching up for another kiss, but Hotch pulled back. 

“Got to get back to work,” he said, the edge of his lips curled into a know, shit-eating grin. Bastard.

The tipping point came nearly a month later. The two of you had been at this little game ever since, trying to see who could make the other the most flustered, and things were getting progressively more risky. The closest call so far had been when you two thought you were the only ones left for the day, but Morgan had come back to grab his thermos he had left on his desk.

On this day, you were working at your desk when Aaron called you into his office. It wasn’t an occurrence, but something did start to feel off when he asked you to shut the door.

“Lock it for good measure,” he added, moving quite close to you to shut the blinds.

You hardly got his name out of your mouth before he kissed you, nearly banging your body against the door, which clearly would have alerted someone. You found your hand intuitively going around his neck, one cradling his cheek as he kissed you. “What the hell are you doing?” you finally were able to ask between breathless pants.

“You’re driving me crazy.”

“I’ve hardly done anything.”

He pulls away then, pointing towards his desk. “We have five minutes before anyone gets suspicious.” You were already ahead of him, pulling him towards his desk, your hands already reaching for his belt. He was eager to help you, unclasping the buckle in one fell swoop. Even through the lining of his pants you could see his bungle. You wondered how long he had been thinking about doing this all day, thinking of you. 

He slid his pants off part of the way, your fingers going to grip him, only his boxer keeping your flesh from touching. He had to be sensitive. Even just the friction from your hand and the fabric made him hum in approval. “If we are going to do this, you are going to need to keep quiet,” you said. Your hands moved from his crotch to his neck, unlacing his tie with ease. Haphazardly bundling it up, you shoved the mess of fabric into his mouth to shut him up.

“Wait,” you heard him say, having removed the makeshift gag. He shook his arms out of his suit jacket, taking the most surely expensive coast and folding it, placing it on the ground. It took you a moment to realize what he was getting out, but you started to understand when he happily put the gag back in his mouth. Kindly, he had made his jacket into a cushion for your knees so you could be comfortable while sucking him off and making him scream. And you planned to do just that.

Your fingers gripped the elastic of his boxers, pulling them down and freeing his dick. Spitting in your hand, you began to run your hand along the length of him, slowly, oh so agonizingly slowly. From the corner of your eye, you could see the way he gripped the edge of his desk, practically begging you to go a little faster, use a little more pressure. You kept up the facade for a bit, listening to his near desperate hums before placing your lips on the tip, running your tongue along it and hearing his muffled groan in response. 

You started to move your hand a little faster, your tongue picking up the place along with it. You loved to see the way his knuckles went white, the way he was gripping the desk for dear life. 

“Please,” you heard his muffled whimper.

“I’m sorry, dear, what was that?” you asked from your position below him.

Quickly, he ripped out his gag, one hand still gripping the desk as he said, “For the love of god, please stop tormenting me.”

You were happy to oblige him, beginning to move your hand up and down as well as flicking your tongue along his tip, feeling the muscles in his thigh and his abdomen tense and clench before he finally released. At the last second, he muffled his cry with the tie, nearly sinking back into the desk as you wiped himself from your lips.

Standing and brushing your knees off, you motioned to the door. “Put your pants on so I can get the hell out of here and hope no one noticed.”

He took a moment to compose himself, tucking his shirt back in and trying his best to straighten out his tie. He opened the blinds and unlocked the door, sending you on your way with a simple, “Please make sure those are on my desk before the end of the day.” 

You were certain he was planning on returning the favor.

[avalynlestrange]

Foolish One

Theodore Nott x reader, Draco Malfoy x reader (Draco Malfoy x Pansy Parkinson in the background)

Reader: she/her pronouns, half-blood or muggleborn, no house mentioned, really loves sweets, desserts and kittens

Warnings: Toxic situationship, cheating, mentions of death, mentions of drinking

Category: Angst, unrequited love, best friends to lovers?, no use of y/n, short story, one-shot, songfic

Summary: In which you know you’re being foolish in liking Draco but will you finally learn your lesson? Theodore certainly hopes you do.

“Listen.” Theodore puts the book he was reading down to look at you and say, “Your cards are on the table, his are in his hands. Maybe you need to distance yourself. You’re just going to get hurt.” You ignore Theo and continue to think aloud, “Chances are, tonight, he’s already got plans.”

Author’s Note: This is my first ever fiction for a long time. Please be kind. English is not my first language and I’ve tried to proofread as best as I can.

Word Count: 6k

To The Library (Main Masterlist) To The Kitchen (WIPs) To Speak Now TV Anthology To more Theodore Nott fics To more Draco Malfoy fics

It was nearly the weekend. You had left Draco a note earlier this week in your usual secret spot to send each other messages but alas you had received no reply. Here you are on a Friday night, on the floor of an empty corridor, staring at a blank stone wall.

“Maybe he just hasn’t checked it yet.”

“Or he’s ignored it.” Your best friend, Theodore, replies.

“Maybe he hasn’t had time to read it alone.”

Theodore sighs, “This isn’t the first time he hasn’t responded to one of your little love notes.”

You toss a pebble your finger found across the hallway, and say, “It’s not his fault that his parents wouldn’t approve of me. He has to keep us a secret even to his circle.”

“Listen.” Theodore puts the book he was reading down to look at you and say, “Your cards are on the table, his are in his hands. Maybe you need to distance yourself. You’re just going to get hurt.”

You ignore Theo and continue to think aloud, “Chances are, tonight, he’s already got plans.”

You shuffle and lie down on his lap while he carries on trying to read his book. You turn your head to look along the corridor. No sign of Draco coming to find you.

“He’s probably at a party. Wasn’t there a friendly game of quidditch with Ravenclaw earlier Teddy?”

“I don’t know.”

“He must be at an after-party or some sort. Do you know if the Slytherins are throwing a party this evening?” You ask, gently moving Theo’s book away from his face.

“I don’t know.”

“You must do. You’re friends, aren’t you?”

“I don’t know.” His tone now has a hint of annoyance, lifting his book up once more.

“Okay then.” You huff. You decide to pick up your book. It wasn’t a rare activity, you and Theo reading together. Not always in the corridor. Often times in your dorm rooms. Often times in the common room. You were fond of each other’s company. It was something you’ve always done since you were children. Mr. Nott used to leave Theo at yours ever since Theo’s mother passed away. Your mother was a governess, and your family had a history of serving the Nott family.

It continued during your acceptance to Hogwarts. You both liked being one of the earliest students for breakfast to have a chance to read and eat and finding a spot in the library devoid of the sound of scribbling quills. The two of you sometimes even stay during the winter holidays as it was a lot more peaceful and merry than being at home.

You read in silence for a chapter and began talking again where you left off.

“Chances are he is at a party, and you know he hates it when I show up. Says it distracts him.”

Theodore groans.

And chances are you will talk yourself to sleep again.

⳾*⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*⳾

It was the next morning and there you were in the great hall. Preparing tea for Theo and yourself. Theo instinctively passes you the sugar bowl. 

“What are your plans for today then?” He asks as he pours a splash of milk into your cup.

“I’m not sure yet. We do have that essay due for History of Magic on Tuesday.” You say as you hear a group of people joining your table.

“Morning Nott.” Draco says as he sits down opposite you. He greets you a good morning by nodding your way.

“Good morning, Draco.” Your eyes quickly flicker up and down from him to your breakfast trying not to look Draco in the eyes. You could never look at the silver pair for too long and not blush, so you best kept your glancing to a minimum when you’re in a group setting. You find it difficult as you are sat directly opposite him.

Draco gestures to the sugar bowl next to your teacup and asks you, “Pass me the sugar.”

You feel your cheeks getting hot as his hands brushes against yours as you hand him his requested item. It’s little moments like this that make you forget when he fails to seek you out that week. You are reminded of his little nickname of ‘sweet thing’ for you during secret rendezvous in vacant classrooms.

Throughout breakfast, Draco chats normally to his crowd. Occasionally you see him with his eyes on you and you lock gazes for no longer than two seconds before looking away. His leg touches yours now and then.

He gives you just enough attention like this in public to keep your hopes too high. What’s more, is that you get these wishful thoughts that these moments could be longer and known by everyone. But wishful thoughts forget to mention when something's really not right and you will block out these voices of reason in your head.

And the voices say, ‘You are not the exception. You will never learn your lesson.’

You shake your head, physically shaking these voices out of your head.

“You okay?” Theodore asks.

You assure him and yourself that you are, with a weak smile.

⳾*⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*⳾

Later that day you briskly walk towards the loose stone that is your ‘Draco mailbox’ and pry it off, but like the day before: still nothing.

You hear a voice in your head telling you, ‘Foolish one. Stop checkin' your mailbox for confessions of love that ain't never gonna come. This will not end well. You will take the long way down.’

He knows how to keep you waiting. He did mention something about a group hang earlier during breakfast. Nevertheless, you know better than to show up when you weren’t directly invited. That happened one time during Summer last year when his group decided to celebrate finishing their O.W.L.s, and later that day Draco raised his voice at you in a broom closet for showing up uninvited claiming that the group might see it as suspicious. He, of course, apologised for shouting when he saw tears in your eyes, but you never got a single letter from him during the two-month break.

Yes, it’s best if you just waited for him to answer with a time and date. You sigh and walk to the library. You politely ask Madam Pince for a quill, ink, and parchment. She clicked her tongue at your lack of equipment but let you off this time since you are a prefect, and this was the first time you came to the library unprepared. With your head down you walk over to find the textbook you needed and sit at the nearest empty table.

You hear the stool next to you move and see a smiling Theodore.

“This seat taken?”

You shake your head, and he sits down. You continue to flip the book to a relevant page but don’t see that Theo was scanning your demeanour. His eyebrows furrowed. ‘This could only mean one thing’, he thought to himself. 

As if you could sense Theodore’s next question, you turn to him with a smile pasted on your face, “I am fine Teddy! Stop looking at me like that!”

You feign a giggle. You know how to act like you’re fine. You change the conversation and the afternoon felt lighter. Whispered jokes and snickers were exchanged for hours between you and the boy with the chestnut hair. It was always like that with Theo. He always knew how to brighten up your day. 

“Well thank you, Teddy. Now it’s nearly curfew and I’ve only written less than half a parchment.”

“Hey! You’re the one distracting yourself. I’ve written at least one piece.” You roll your eyes, grinning at Theodore tickling your nose with his quill. That’s when you see the scene. Draco walked past hand in hand with a red-faced Pansy Parkinson. Your eyes meet with Draco, and he quickens his pace out of your vision.

“That worthless pile of erumpent dung!” Theo curses. He knew this whole thing between you and Draco was wrong in the first place, but he never voiced his opinion so as to not come across as jealous. Merlin knows how Theo was, and is, very green and is slowly rotting on the inside.

But he loves seeing you beam when you talk about your dates, that he tunes out the details of your escapades and absorbs the beautiful shade of pink flush on your cheeks and glimmer in your eyes. At this moment in time, however, his heart aches at the sight of the scarlet pout of your lips and your eyes welling up. “I thought you two were on the same page of exclusively dating!”

“We… never actually agreed on anything like that. I… I don’t know what to call this situation.” You quickly roll your homework and inhale deeply to keep the tears at bay. There must be an explanation for the sight you had just witnessed.

‘But I know I can’t call you mine. So, I will grit my teeth and I will do my best to seem bulletproof.’ At the thought, another inhale, you suggest, “How about a butterbeer break?”

And Theodore can’t say no to that.

⳾*⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*⳾

That evening you couldn’t help but walk along the hallway you know like the back of your hand.  By instinct, you stop at the stone and spot that it was a little ajar.

‘Meet me at the boathouse at Midnight. - D’

There it was. You feel an emotion somewhere between merry and misery. You settle for nauseous and blame it on the six butterbeers you consumed earlier at the Three Broomsticks with Theo. You decide to start walking there now. A few hours of fresh air could be good. Yes. A breath of crisp autumn air is what you need to expel this uneasiness in your chest.

“You’re early.” You hear when you reached the doorway of the boathouse. Draco sat at the edge of the ledge, his bare feet in the water.

“I could say the same thing to you.” A little bitterness in your pitch.

He pats the space adjacent to him and you sit cross-legged. The air is cold and the rippling waters in front of you hypnotise your heartbeat to calm down.

You both start to say something, then cut each other off to ask the other to continue.

“It’s not what you think.” Draco pauses. “What you saw earlier in the library. Pansy threatened to tell my father about the secret girl I was seeing and that I was to take her to Hogsmeade and buy her all the sweets she wants from Zonko’s.”

He reaches for his robes.

“Here. I got this for you.” He passes you a bag wrapped with a ribbon. “Sweet things for my sweet thing.”

You thank him as you accept his gift. You start munching on the sweets and offer him some.

“Does she know it’s me?” Your voice is a little too wishful than you hoped it would come out.

“No! Thank Merlin! My father will have my head if he hears I’m not seeing a pureblood.”

It hurts a little when you hear him explain time and again why you have to be a secret. But it doesn't bother you as much 'cause when your head is on his shoulder, it starts thinkin' he'll come around. And maybe, someday, when you’re older, this is something you'll laugh about, over coffee every mornin' while he’s reading the news.

You and Draco stay in the boathouse, telling each other what you were up to during the holidays, aiming candy at each other’s mouths, holding hands, and giving the other soft kisses in the light of the moon until it’s a little too cold and too late to continue.

“When can I see you next?” You ask.

He lets go of your hand as you reach the entryway.

“I’ll let you know.”

You nod and walk to your dorm. You were sure that you were going to see Draco again in hushed hours like this one.

But then the voices say, ‘You are not the exception. You will never learn your lesson'

⳾*⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*⳾

Throughout the week, you were too preoccupied with checking for a note from Draco and stealing glances here and there that you fail to notice that your duo had become a trio. Daphne Greengrass had been hanging around you and Theo recently and you only are aware of her presence at this moment when your usual quiet bookworm is talking during breakfast, but not to you.

“It’s the first match of the season later. Would you like to watch the Quidditch in the afternoon with me?” Daphne suggests, her hand reaching for Theo’s arm.

“Sure.” The boy replies.

“Who are you and what have you done to my Teddy?” You laugh, “We have never watched a single game!”

It was true. Even if Draco was on the Slytherin team and invited you to watch once, since most of the school attends it anyways, you refused given that you and Theo had a tradition of having a picnic and playing Scrabble by the Black Lake. You two were never interested in sports.

“You’re more than welcome to join us.” Daphne proposed. You realise her hand was still on Theo’s arm and this somewhat makes you frown.

“Theo and I already have plans.” You stated, now reaching for his other arm, “Don’t we Teddy?”

“We can do that tomorrow instead. I am quite curious as to what all the fuss is about, aren’t you?”

“But we have never cancelled our… plans before. Even that one time you had a cold, you insisted we hang out. It’s our tradition.”

“I don’t mean to impose. If you’re busy Theo, we can hang out at Hogsmeade in the evening instead.” She says, her hand still lingering on Theo’s arm, so you have an urge not to move yours either.

“We can do both.” He accepts and his head turns to you, “Are you coming with us?”

You don’t know what to say. A swirl of emotions runs through your veins.

“No.” And with that, you stomp off to your dorm.

⳾*⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*⳾

You saw Theo less and less that week and you start to spend more time with your dorm mates. You start to miss him. He wasn’t as early to breakfast every day and when he was, Daphne and other Slytherins came in with him. Your study meetings turned into group hangs but you didn’t mind it as much you said to yourself since Draco was part of that group.

However, your eyes were not gazing upon the blond boy but at the chestnut hair boy with his newfound friend.

Why didn’t you like Daphne with Theodore?

You made an effort to look away when you see him smiling at her. You felt your teeth clench whenever Daphne playfully slapped Theo’s arm when she was laughing at something he said. Your hands were in fists when she linked her arm with his when you all walked from class to class.

You don’t understand what you are feeling. You can’t be jealous about your best friend being interested in other girls. You decide you were just feeling a little replaced. That was it, and nothing more. Right?

But what really blew your top was what you were hearing now.

“Yeah, we can go watch the quidditch game tomorrow.”

“Again?” You exclaim but then remembered you were in the library and carry on with a whisper, “You’ve cancelled on me the last game!”

“Oh yeah” Theo replies as if he didn’t remember. When in all honesty, he never did forget. He was trying to distance himself away from you to lessen the aching of his heart.

“Teddy you can’t do this to me.”

“How about I make it up to you by taking you to the last Hogsmeade trip and buying you all the sweets you want so you can stock up for the winter break.” He smiles and when you smile back, he forgets about his vow to himself to spend less time with you.

You hesitate to say yes. You really want to be with him by the lake.

“And I’ll even let you drag me around to window shop to all the places you want me to.”

And you can’t say no to that.

⳾*⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*⳾

Amidst all the happenings, you had forgotten to check your mailbox. You see a scrap of paper telling you to meet at the boathouse once again at midnight and this time you choose to be punctual. You dress up a little to make up for the fact that you might have already missed the actual date the note was meant for.

You are already on the steps going down to your meeting place when the clock chimes 12 o’clock. A chill runs through your body as you were not wearing your winter jacket but a cute, albeit thin, jumper. You were walking with a skip in your step when you hear her.

“Draco, what about your secret girl?”

“She means nothing to me. It’s not like we were going to get serious.”

You halt just before the entryway.

“But weren’t you dating her since last year?”

“Dating is a strong word. Now shut up so I can kiss those lips.”

So you run. As fast as your feet can take you and go into the nearest empty room.

Now you’re slidin' down the wall with your head in your hands sayin', "How could I not see the signs?"

He hadn't written you or called all summer and the voices in your head are tellin' you why,

‘He’s got her on his arm and you in the wings. You’ll get his longing glances, but she'll get his ring. And he will say he had the best of intentions.’

And maybe now you will finally learn your lesson.

The air feels thick that you can’t breathe and your vision blurs with the waterworks flowing out of your tear ducts.

Draco was right. You were never going to get serious. You knew this deep down and felt it in your heart every time you were with him, but the truth hurts when the reality of it all is said aloud.

When you finally get to your room at 3am. You don’t bother to change and sleep your troubles away.

⳾*⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*⳾

You skipped lessons that day. You hadn’t meant to, but you woke up past noon and there were only two lessons left that you resolved to miss those too and went back to sleep. You weren’t ready to face people yet.

A pounding in your head awakens you and makes you sit up and reach for your water bottle by your bedside table but see a plate of pastries covered in cling film and a note stuck on top.

‘I didn’t see you at breakfast. I asked your dorm mate to send this to you. – Teddy’

That was sweet of him. Theo never fails to be there when it counted. You notice more items on your bedside table. You see a thermos flask, a book, a wrapped-up sandwich, a couple of more notes, and a red concoction in a small vial that was labelled ‘pepperup potion’.

‘I didn’t see you in class, so I asked Alison to drop this off to you. She said you didn’t look too well. I’ll see you at lunch? – Teddy’

‘I didn’t see you at lunch. Alison said your eyes looked puffy. Do you have a cold? If so I asked her to bring you some supplies. Make sure to take it. I’ll see you after class? – Teddy’

‘I don’t know why I thought I’d see you in any of the afternoon lessons today. How silly of me. I need to sort out a few things and I’ll see you before dinner. – Teddy’

You giggle at how much effort your best friend had gone towards to ensure you are okay. The clock above the doorway says 5 o’clock. Only an hour after classes and Teddy will probably expect you around 5:45pm so you can lounge about the courtyard before dinner time.

However, you felt famished, so you open the selection of breakfast pastries. Theo had picked out all your favourites. He’s always thoughtful like that. One time, you had mentioned your favourite book series with him and within the week he read all of them and bought you both the newly released novel by the same author so you can read it together.

Another time when you used to have recurring nightmares when you were little, you’d go to Theo and he’d read you passages from fairytales until you fell asleep. When you broke your foot during the second year, he insisted that he carried all your books to and from classes even though a simple levitation charm would do, and walk in front of you so no one barges you causing you to trip.

You really don’t know what you’d do without Theodore in your life.

You hear a knock on the door.

“Alison you can come in. You don’t need to knock.”

The door creaks open.

“I’m not Alison.” Theodore peeps in, his eyes on the ceiling. “Can I come in?”

“Of course. Thank you for your care package.” You move to make room for him on your bed.

“Of course. Couldn’t have you starve yourself.” He looks to your bedside table and states, “You didn’t drink the potion I made for you. It’s supposed to clear up your cold.”

He stood there by the end of your bed, his hands behind his frame. He looks cautiously at you.

“I’m not ill.” You assure him.

“Good, because…”  He raises a basket and a tote bag. “I’ve brought us Scrabble and a picnic.”

“But aren’t you going to see the match with Daphne?”

“Not when my favourite girl isn’t feeling well.”

You smile up at him. “But I told you I’m not unwell.”

“Physically maybe but I think you need some fresh air. Now go get ready. I’ll wait outside the door.”

“I really am okay.”

You assure him and yourself that you are, and you truly do feel it.

⳾*⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*⳾

Your normal routine before Draco came into your life fell back into place, although Theodore was hanging out with Daphne more and more, which still annoyed you. Theo did make some time for you but not as much as you’re used to. You sigh. Breakfasts no longer consisted of silently reading, occasionally speaking to discuss plot points and characters, but with Daphne and the rest of the Slytherin crowd rowdily talking.

You hadn’t spoken to Draco at all ever since that night at the boathouse. He never even addressed it. Not that you checked the mailbox. If he really cared he would have said something by this point, but judging by his actions and the words you heard that night, you had accepted weeks ago that whatever was between you was over.

“So, what are we all doing for the last trip to Hogsmeade today then?” Draco asks, but his eyes lock with yours.

“I’m having tea and shopping with the girlies.” Daphne wriggles her shoulders excitedly. She looks to you and extends an invitation.

To which you thank her but decline politely, “Teddy promised me a full weekend of sweets and shopping. Isn’t that right Teddy?”

You aren’t sure if it is your imagination, but you see a twinkle in Theo’s eyes as he beams at you confirming your plans. You put your arm through his and squeeze it in excitement.

Theo chuckled. “I already regret adding the window-shopping part.”

You head to your dorm to pick up your cardigan as Theo insisted you needed more layers for the winter weather. A figure stops you in your tracks.

“Didn’t know you had a thing for Nott.” Draco sneered.

“Not really your business to know who or who I don’t have a thing for Malfoy.”

He grabs your hand and pulls you to the side.

“What do you think you’re doing?” You try to shrug off his hand, but he wasn’t letting go.

“What happened to us? I thought we were dating, and you left me hanging for weeks.”

“Dating is a strong word.” You spit his words back to him like venom.

That’s when he releases your hand.

⳾*⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*⳾

Your day with Theo went by so fast. You started off at Zonko’s so you can graze snacks while you peruse through each shop. Theo swears you haven’t skipped any stores but doesn’t complain at all. The conversations flowed easily. You stayed the longest time at the pets and familiars shop to pet all the kittens. He literally had to drag you away with a bribe of pumpkin pie for lunch.

Many days have gone by where you spent time away from each other. Reasons varied as Theo tells you he was busy with whatever excuse he had that day. You noticed that he’d been avoiding you recently. You’re glad that you get to make up for all those hours now.

You share a slice of pumpkin pie and beg Theo to take you back to the pets and familiars shop. He rolls his eyes, but you know he can’t refuse the thought of the adorable kittens. Little do you know that it’s your cuteness he can’t resist.

The two of you start to walk onward to your mission when you see a glimpse of Draco hand in hand with a red-faced Pansy. You knew it. But strangely, you find yourself not upset by it.

“Theo! They still have our favourite!” You jump up and down like a child outside a toy store.

He watches you smiling as you all but ran into the store. You remain surrounded by kittens until a shop assistant ushered you out at the behest of their manager. Reluctantly you say goodbye to the animals and staff and are shocked to see that the sky was magenta-coloured, signalling that the evening is arriving.

 “I’m hungry, are you?” You inspect all the choices of venue you had for dinner.

“Starving. Let’s go in there.” He gestures toward Madam Puddifoot’s Tea Shop. “I heard they have a great selection of drinks and desserts.”

You follow Theo even though you seem to recall that other students have previously mentioned that they take their dates there. Having never visited since Draco was the first boy you have “gone out with”, and your meetings never involved crowded places and three would have been a crowd, you were excited to finally step into the dainty looking café.

He opens the door for you and a bell rings. You were seated straight away, and it didn’t take long for a staff member to take your order. Examining the people around, you notice a trend of couples holding hands and gazing into one another’s eyes. Did Theo really mean to take you in here?

Detecting your initial discomfort, Theo apologises, “I didn’t know it would be like this here. We can leave if you want?”

“Nonsense! It’s a nice place. Plus, I’m excited for my drink to arrive.” Grinning at him, you take in the view of bows and lace everywhere.

Even though the atmosphere was romantic, you felt at ease being there with Theo. You push back questions you had whenever you sense that his eyes were trying to read your thoughts or when his hand stayed on yours longer than friends should.

He orders a funfetti cake for dessert and you both split each other’s sweet course. Before you know it, it was nearly time to head back to the castle. Another ring of the bell and you were standing in front of the entrance.

You shiver slightly and Theo quickly unwraps his scarf.

“Teddy I’m fine!”

“No, you’re cold. Don’t argue.” He wraps his green scarf around your neck. You inhale the scent of smoke and sandalwood. You bury your cheeks into the scarf to hide the pink colour threatening to expose how much you like the fact you are enveloped by a piece of his clothing.

“I guess it’s time to head back.” You say but see Theo looking distracted.

You look up to see a mistletoe wrapped with a ribbon on the pole of the tea shop’s sign.

He looks at you and tilts his head. Was that him asking for permission?

You shrug then nod at him. “It’s a known tradition after all.”

“Of course.”

Theo leans in close enough so that the clouds you exhale from your lungs mingle in the air. He moves a strand of loose hair and tucks them behind your ear. His hand stays on your face and his eyes flicker down to your lips. You close the gap between you.

You are kissing Theo under the mistletoe.

At first, the kiss is gentle as if he is being wary of the line you were crossing, but when you reach to run his hair with your hands, he pulls you in deeper. You gasp for air, and he takes it as an opportunity to explore you with his tongue.

Thoughts pull you back to reality.

You are kissing Theo under the mistletoe.

Stepping back, you stare at him wide-eyed.

“I have to go.” You say breaking the silence.

And you didn’t see how Theodore’s eyes follow you.

⳾*⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*⳾

You didn’t actually have to go anywhere; you just needed some space to cool down. Your cheeks were burning red, and you didn’t want Theo to see you like that. Especially since he only kissed you because of the mistletoe. Especially since you enjoyed kissing him. Especially when the voices in your head are back saying, ‘Foolish one you will take the long way down.’

This time you don’t want to learn the hard way. You can’t be falling for him like this. You didn’t want to lose him if it goes sour.

“You’ve been walking in circles.” Theo calls out to you, “Where are you trying to go?”

You stop your feet but don’t turn back to face him.

“I was just heading to…” Your voice fades out to a mumble, and you begin to walk once more.

Theo lightly grasps your arm, and you jump at how fast he caught up to you. You face him.

“You never said anything.” He states.

“It was just a kiss. We were just under a mistletoe.” You look down, kicking the pebbles near your feet.

“You never said anything.” You echo.

“Yeah, we were just under a mistletoe.”

⳾*⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*⳾

The last week of term dragged on. Theo and you never mention that night to anybody. And if it was even possible, you saw him less than the week before. You are determined to fix your situation. The past two days were unbearable. So, you corner him on his way to the library.

“Why are you ignoring me, Teddy?” You simply question.

“I’m not.”

“Yes, you are. You keep avoiding me in the halls and speaking monosyllabically to me in class. Why?”

“I’m not.”

“You are. We’re friends, aren’t we? Can’t you tell me what’s wrong?” You ask, gently moving his arm and motioning him to face you.

“Maybe I want more.”

“What do you mean?”

“You’re so blind, you can’t even see that I’ve been right here! In love with you since I could remember.”

“Your father would never approve of me.”

“I don’t care. I don’t care what he thinks. I don’t care about your blood status! I accept you for who you are! But waiting all these years for you to see me like I see you have been crushing my heart slowly.”

You stare at him wide-eyed.

“I have to go.” He says.

And it’s your turn to follow Theo with your eyes.

⳾*⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*⳾

You couldn’t sleep at all that night replaying Theo’s confession. You think about all the ways you could have responded and use that moment as a chance for you to voice out your growing feelings. Now he probably despises you.

You recite how you were going to confront Theo for the next day, word for word since you want to accurately tell him that you reciprocate his sentiment. But toss and turn again at the thought of what-ifs.

You get up early and ready yourself for the day mentally. You don’t grab any breakfast because you already felt so queasy. The voices in your head say to you, ‘Foolish one The day is gonna come for your confessions of love.’

This time you were in harmony. You were going to tell Theo everything. How foolish you had been. How you can’t imagine life without him. You head to his dorm room as you know it’s typically empty at this time of the morning and Theo habitually returns to his dorm just after breakfast to put down his books.

You had 2 free periods back-to-back on a Thursday morning, so you have ample time to gush about your feelings. You spot that his door was slightly ajar and knock anyways. The force swings the door slowly open. The room was empty. You sit on Theo’s bed and look around. You notice a few crumpled-up pieces of paper in the bin next to his nightstand.

Curiosity got the better of you as you unwrinkle one piece and gasp when you notice it was addressed to you. You pick up more pieces and all of them are confessions to you, describing how he felt during the day he wrote them. All this time you were waiting for confessions of love and thought they were never going to come, and there they were sitting in a pile of rubbish.

All signed off as:

Yours,

Teddy

Could he be? Yours?

You run to the Slytherin common room and don’t see Theo anywhere. You spot Blaise playing chess with Tracey.

“Have you seen Theo?” You interrupt them.

“He’s gone on a date with Daphne.” Tracey replies, focused on her match as Blaise’s bishop takes her knight.

He can’t. Be yours.

⳾*⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*⳾

It was the last day of the first term, and you sit at your usual far corner of the great hall for breakfast. No Theodore in sight. You set up extra early since you left him a note by his bedside table the day before to meet him at 6:30 when the meal starts.

There he was. Your note is in his hands and you watch him as he walks to you and knits his brows.

“What’s wrong?” He asks, a little worried.

He sits opposite you instead of his usual spot next to you. You bring your hands above the table and show his letters in your hand.

“This. This is what’s wrong.”

“Look I…”

You cut him off. “Why didn’t you send them?”

He stares at you blankly and scratches his head. “What do you mean send them?”

“You fool. I would’ve walked out sooner and run to you.”

“I didn’t think you felt the same way. That’s why I threw them out. You didn’t come to me to talk after what happened in the hallway and you never brought up the kiss again.”

You blush at the memory.

“How did you get those anyways?” His eyes narrow.

“Never mind about that. Didn’t you hear me?”

“Hear what?”

“You’re really going to make me say it?”

“Say what?”

After hours of rehearsal, you could only utter 5 words. “I feel the same way.”

He beams for a second and then frowns to ask,

“What about Draco?”

“When all is said and done, he just wasn’t the one.”

His smile returns and you swear it’s brighter than the morning sun. He reaches over and holds your hand and tells you, “I don’t know how long I’ve waited for you to say those words.”

He pulls you over the table knocking over the goblet and food that had appeared and pecks you on the lips.

“What about Daphne? Aren’t you with her?”

“No, she just wasn’t the one.”

You've reached this far! Here's a bonus:

It was Christmas day and you were in the great hall ready for the feast, dressed in a sweater Theo bought you so that you can match on this occasion. In one hand you have Theo and in the other a carefully wrapped present and you sat next in your self-assigned corner of the room.

"Let's pull a cracker!" You say eagerly.

And soon both of you adorn paper crowns on your head.

"Dinner doesn't start for another 15 minutes" He informs you.

You pout replying, "So why did you rush me out of my dorm so quickly?"

"So I can give you this." He places a fairly large box in front of you.

"Thank you, Teddy!" You tilt your head when you notice holes all around the box. "What's up with the holes?"

"Just open it." He excitedly insists.

"Okay okay. Thank you." You undo the ribbon and take off the lid. You squeal as you spot the kitten you had been eyeing at the store that evening of what you both have agreed to be your first date.

"I can't thank you enough! I love her so much." You carefully lift the kitten out of the box to cuddle her.

"Anything for you darling. What are you going to name her?"

⳾*⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*⳾

Thank you so much for reading. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it <3 I didn't plan to write it this long. I hope you didn't mind.

I welcome any feedback or criticism.

[starsval]

you're losing me

remus lupin x reader

summary: remus giving you mixed signals. based on you're losing me by taylor swift.

word count: 1,1k

a/n: idek if i like this but i'll just post it. thanks to @myriadmoons for helping me write this, ily<3

Stop, you’re losin’ me

“you’re so pretty” he’s practically on top of you, although the common room is empty. he’s touching your face, your hair, your hands. he sees you’re getting flustered and continues. “you don’t understand how pretty you are”

“remus” you wince, trying to get away from his hold.

“what, babe?” he says, almost mocking you.

“stop” you insist.

“stop what?” he hides in your neck, and you can feel the smirk growing on his face when your hand goes to his hair.

“this” he doesn’t seem to care, because he distances from you, puts his hand on the back of your neck, leaning in to kiss you.

when he pulls away, he leans his forehead on yours, and for a moment, it seems like he’s going to confess, like he’s going to say the three words you’re waiting for. 

but he doesn’t,

instead, he pulls away when he hears your friends walking in, he sits back on the couch, away from you, and starts reading like nothing happened.

Every mornin', I glared at you with storms in my eyes

How can you say that you love someone you can't tell is dyin'?

I sent you signals and bit my nails down to the quick

My face was gray, but you wouldn't admit that we were sick

you were sitting next to him, watching him lie on the infirmary bed, just like every month. 

"babe, stop doing that" you don't know when he woke up, you just know that his hand is on yours so you stop biting your nails. you immediately get up, grabbing his face so you can look at it. 

"how are you feeling?" he smiles, staring at your eyes. if only he could see the storms in them. 

"good" he replies as he grabs your waist, moving you to lie next to him. 

and you stay like that for a while, talking about nothing in particular, his hands on you all the time. 

once he feels better he gets up, slowly gathering his things. you walk him to the door, but you don't get out. 

"i think i'll stay here for a bit, i'm feeling sick" you look at him, and there's a bit of confusion in his eyes. 

"oh, okay" that's the last thing he says before leaving. 

Stop, you’re losin’ me

the next time he sees you, you're both at a party, and your friends aren't there yet. so he approaches you, takes a sip from your cup and puts his arms around you. 

"hi" he smiles. 

"hi" you smile back. 

"i love your outfit" he stares at it. 

"thanks" 

"i could show you how much i love it in my room thought" he smirks when you blush. 

"stop"

"okay" he replies, but he hugs you tighter. 

and you stay like that for a bit, but when he sees lily walking towards you he completely pulls away, and he disappears before you can say something. 

And the air is thick with loss and indecision

I know my pain is such an imposition

Now, you're running down the hallway

And you know what they all say

"You don't know what you got until it's gone"

when you walk out of the common room, he doesn't know whether to follow you or not. he stares at the now cold spot next to him, but he's not sure if he should follow you. 

when he sees you, you're drying your face. and he stares at the redness of them. 

"love, are you okay?" he sits next to you, on the hallway floor. 

"yes" he sighs, taking one of your hands in his. 

"if you need anything, i'm here, you know?" he explains, not staring at you. 

"i know" 

neither of you talk for a while, you staring at the wall in front of you, him staring at your hand on his. 

"i'm sorry that my pain is a burden" 

"your pain could never be an imposition" he assures you. 

"stop" 

"it's true, i mean it"

he says, but as soon as someone calls him from the end of the hallway, he gets up. 

"i'm sorry, i have to leave"

and you know you shouldn't care, you know you shouldn't go to his dorm later that day so you can go study together, you know you should just ignore him. but you go anyway. 

"you're going to study with mrs. moony?" you hear sirius ask remus, from outside the room. 

"stop fucking calling her mrs. moony, she's not my wife" you hear remus spat at sirius, and you think that you might just leave, that you don't want to listen to the whole conversation. 

"what the fuck is wrong with you?" sirius doesn't know you're there, but he's still offended. 

"she's just following me all the time, asking me if she can help me, she's just a people pleaser, like i would marry her" and that's when you decide that it's enough, that you don't want to keep listening, that you don't want to see him anymore. 

and he waits, he waits for you in the library, where you were supposed to meet. he waits until curfew. he waits until the next morning, when you're supposed to sit next to him during breakfast. he waits in class, where you're supposed to sit next to him. 

but you know what they all say, you don't know what you got until it's gone. 

Fighting in only your army, frontlines, don't you ignore me

I'm the best thing at this party (You're losing me)

And I wouldn't marry me either

A pathological people pleaser

Who only wanted you to see her

he approaches you again while you're choosing something to drink. 

"i like your outfit" he smiles. 

"stop" you walk away from him, making him frown. 

"what? 

"you're losing me"

“what? c’mon, talk to me”

he follows you out of the party, to talk, he said, but when you want to, he doesn't listen. instead, he takes your cup out of your hand. 

"stop ignoring me!" you say when he starts looking around. 

"i'm not!" but then he looks at a couple who just walked out of the common room. 

"i'm the best thing at this party"

you're losing me

he doesn't talk, he just stares at you, that's when you feel the tears filling your eyes. 

"and i wouldn't marry me either, a pathological people pleaser" you chuckle, tears running down your face. "who only wanted you to see her"

you wait for him to say something, to apologize, to take his words back, to react, but he just stares at you. 

"Do something, babe, say something" (Say something)

"Lose something, babe, risk something" (You're losing me)

"Choose something, babe, I got nothing" (I got nothing)

"To believe, unless you're choosing me"

"do something, babe, say something" you insist, but he just looks at the floor. "lose something, risk something"

you're losing me

"chose something, love, i got nothing" you tell him, waiting for him to do something. 

to believe, unless you're choosing me

[thatonebrazilian]

Tolerate it

Summary: Everyone assumed you were fine, but what would they do if you just... broke free?

Pairings: Natasha Romanoff x Reader; undertones of Carol Danvers x Reader; Platonic Clint Barton x Reader; mentions of platonic Wanda Maximoff x Reader.

Word count: Around 6K

TW: Deep angst, assassination attempt, betrayal of trust, suicidal thoughts, dealing with grief, self sacrifices.

A/N: I've been in the mood for angst, apparently. And I actually wasn't planning on writing anything (I shouldn't have, I was short for time as it was), but I was listening to Taytay and the fic just came to me. This will probably hurt a lot. Just hurt, not much comfort. Let there be pain.

You didn't know what you did wrong. You didn't know how you could fix this. You didn't know if it even could be fixed.

All you did, all you could do, was just sit there and watch her. She was reading, her head low, almost as if she was trying to keep a barrier between you two.

You sat in the corner of the room, watching her as she immersed herself in reports. The soft glow of the lamp cast a delicate halo around her, illuminating her beautiful, beautiful features. And yet, on that night, as on many before, the light seemed unable to reach her eyes. 

You knew she was struggling, you were too. Everyone was. The Blip had taken many from their families, and the toll it took on those who stayed made many more lose their loved ones. The remaining Avengers lost Clint to his own darkness, and you lost the love of your life to what you could only describe as self-isolation.

Natasha had always had an unhealthy work-life balance, yet you always managed to counter that… But not anymore.

You had been together for what felt like an eternity, intertwined in a love that once knew no bounds. Now, though, there was a growing chasm separating the two of you. Natasha would only engage in conversations that revolved around missions and saving the world, and none of those came from you.

You used to be an Avenger too, with powers so astronomical that you never learned to control them. Bruce and Tony had to create some sort of inhibitor for you, lest you destroy the world by mistake.

You were probably one of the most powerful beings out there, but having no control whatsoever of your powers would only bring destruction, so you learned to live without them, the bracelet Tony made never leaving your wrist.

Being a somewhat powerless avenger was hard, but it was worth it. You saved people, you helped your friends.

But since the Blip things have changed. 

After watching Wanda, one of your best friends, disappear right in front of your eyes; after seeing Clint's descent into darkness, you didn't feel like fighting anymore. So you decided to stop, you stopped so you could take care of yourself, take care of Natasha.

They were small, the things you did for her, but meaningful nonetheless. You'd wait by the door every day to greet her like a god-damned war hero, to show her some love and comfort after a hard day at work; you'd make her favorite dishes, lay the table with your best cutlery; you even took upon painting as it seemed to ease your mind, and you'd use your best colors for her portraits (and there were many)... And yet, all Natasha gave back were lukewarm smiles; hums, and nods in acknowledgment of your attempts at conversation, and a lackluster "thanks". 

She seemed to simply… Tolerate it.

~

You woke up in the wee hours of the morning, the sun hadn't risen yet, and the moonlight shone through the curtains, casting a soft glow across the room. Your gaze fell upon Natasha, who lay beside you sleeping lightly. The rise and fall of her chest matched the rhythm of her breathing, a calming sight that used to bring you comfort.

But then, as you watched her, you noticed a subtle alteration in her breathing patterns, something that would go unnoticed by anyone else. The steady rhythm became irregular, interrupted by moments of slightly shallower breaths and the briefest of pauses. There was a tension in her muscles that hadn't been there a second ago, almost as if a silent battle was being waged beneath her immaculate skin.

Natasha's eyes remained closed, her face serene as if she was lost in the most peaceful of dreams. But you knew the truth. She was pretending to be asleep. It felt like she didn't want to wake up beside you, like she simply tolerated your presence, but now even that tolerance seemed to be waning.

You wanted to reach out, to offer her solace, to take all the pain away, but the invisible barrier between you seemed impossible to break through. The distance that had grown between you now felt like a vast expanse, impossible to bridge. Her closed eyes spoke volumes, a silent plea for space, for time, for avoidance.

Your heart ached with the weight of unspoken words, your eyes burned with the sting of unshed tears. You missed Clint, he'd know how to deal with this, he'd help her, but he'd help you, too. He'd hug you and tell you that everything was gonna be ok, he'd make sure it'd turn out that way. You missed Wanda, she'd take you out to eat ice cream, watch silly sitcoms with you, tell you the stupidest jokes just to see you crack a smile, she'd even threaten Natasha if she imagined the other redhead was hurting you in any way, shape or form.

You missed your life, your old life, before the Blip.

You turned away from her, not wanting her to see the tears in your eyes in case she opened hers.

~

As it turns out, the first time Natasha had a semblance of a real conversation with you in… You don't even know how many weeks… Was to ask you to join a team to take down whatever new evil had shown up.

You didn't even think twice about it, you took the job, you'd do anything to get closer to her again.

The team consisted of you, Steve, and Carol, who was visiting Earth. You didn't even know where you were headed or who you were facing, you just wanted to come back with an excuse to actually talk to your fianceé. 

As you prepared to get into the jet, you saw her there, giving off directions before everyone boarded. You wrestled with conflicting emotions, torn between respecting Natasha's need for distance and the overwhelming desire to break through the walls she had erected. 

You felt a hand on your shoulder then, too warm to be Nat's, and you immediately felt the comfort she radiated.

Carol wasn't the most sentimental person, she wouldn't tell you that everything would be fine, she wouldn't offer comforting words, but she'd be there, a warm unwavering presence amidst the chaos (even if you rarely saw each other in person). She was the one good thing that the Blip brought you.

"Don't think too much about it," the blonde said, already knowing what was on your mind. "Keep your head in the game, I don't want you getting hurt out there, ok?"

You nodded while managing to keep to yourself the strong urge to hug her, to seek comfort in that friendly and familiar warmth of hers.

She nodded back, turned and boarded the jet, having already reviewed with Natasha her role in the mission.

You looked at your fianceé only to find her eyes already on you. You didn't think too much into it, though, she was probably just reviewing in her head the role you'd have for this mission.

Once again you found yourself wanting to go to her, but the fear of rejection loomed over you, a haunting presence that whispered of the potential pain that awaited if you ventured too close.

You turned away and stepped in the jet.

~

You stumbled into the Avengers' compound, a dull ache radiating from your wounded shoulder, the bloodstained clothes doing nothing to give you comfort.

The mission had taken an unexpected turn, and both you and Steve got shot. Multiple times.

As soon as you stepped through the quinjet's door Natasha was there, the worry in her eyes making you question if you were hallucinating. She walked to you, her eyes never leaving yours, it was almost as if you could feel her again, the old Natasha, your Natasha.

"What the fuck happened? You weren't supposed to get hurt!" she exclaimed in a mix of anger, desperation and concern. She ran her hands through her unkempt hair. It was an uncommon sight, indeed, to see her so disheveled.

You knew she had been worried, the moment Steve reported back you could hear her pacing back and forth through the comms, you just didn't know it would affect her this much. You didn't think she cared anymore.

Almost as if sensing your thoughts, Natasha took a hesitant step closer and reached for your hands. "You got me really worried." She said, her eyes looking deep into yours, her hands soothingly cold to the touch. 

You could see she wanted to say something else, but almost as if she was waging a silent war against herself, she shook her head, released your hands and sighed. "Go to the med bay. I'll meet you there."

You nodded weakly, too tired from blood loss to argue. Too tired in general.

As you made your way to the medical facilities, the pain in your shoulder intensifying with each step, you couldn't help but think of all the times Clint saved your ass from stupid bullet wounds like these, or how Wanda would literally create a shield around you whenever you faced danger.

You missed them, you missed Wanda so much, and you couldn't help but wish it was you and not her. And Clint, god, you hated what he became, you hated the Ronin, you hated that he wasn't there to heal by your side, to heal with Natasha, but you still missed him so much.

As you entered the med bay, you were greeted by a warmth that made you question how she could have gotten there first.

"Bold move, jumping in front of a sea of bullets like that" Carol said, there was no warmth in her voice though. You closed your eyes.

"I couldn't let them shoot that child," you said, sitting on a cot and looking apologetically at her.

Carol gritted her teeth, her eyes scanning your wounded shoulder, the part of you that got the most hits, with a mix of worry and anger written across her face.

"So you just deemed your life less valuable than hers and decided to throw it away?" She clenched her fists.

"That's not it and you know it," you said in a small voice. It was worse, but no, she didn't know it. She didn't need to. You didn't want to burden her too.

Carol's eyes softened, she took a couple steps towards you and touched your uninjured shoulder. "I just worry about you, sweet girl." She said and sighed, "Look, I know you don't have much to live for right now, but you're one of my best friends, I wouldn't be able to deal with it if something ever happened to you. And by the looks of it neither would Natasha, despite all the shit she's been pulling."

It was amazing how Carol, just like Wanda before her, was able to fill you with lightness. With them, as well as with Clint, you felt cherished, cared for. You could never be more thankful for the blonde in front of you. Without Clint and Wanda here to support your near Natasha-less life, Carol was the one thing keeping you sane.

You just wished being sane was enough.

You managed a weak smile, though, and even if felt forced, it still seemed to have convinced Carol that you were ok. "I'll be fine, Carebear. Just a flesh wound. I know I haven't been in the field for a while, but it's nothing I can't handle."

Carol fought off a smirk. "Promise me you won't pull shit like that again, at least".

You saluted her, a mocking smile on your face, despite the ache you felt inside. "Aye, aye, Captain!"

She chuckled and shook her head, "You're the worst".

"But you love it!" Your answering smile was more genuine this time.

Her smile grew bigger, and you wished you could see it in person more often.

"I actually do." She said, shaking her head once more and turning away to leave the med bay.

It didn't take long for a nurse to come to tend to you. There were many bullet wounds around your body, although most were superficial. The worst was indeed your shoulder, having been hit four times.

You bitterly wondered how you could still be alive with all of these bullet holes around your body.

The minutes passed by, and yet there was no sign of Natasha, so after all your wounds have been treated and dressed you decided to go look for the redhead.

It was a bad idea. As you located her, your heart sank. There she was, tending to Steve's wounds, her focus solely on him. Even though there was nothing romantic about the situation, the sight of them together stirred a mix of emotions within you. Jealousy, longing, confusion. Betrayal. You wondered if there was something more between Natasha and Steve, a connection that surpassed friendship. You wondered why she would deem him deserving of having his wounds treated personally by her while you were sent to a nameless nurse.

Your mind raced, struggling with the whirlwind of emotions that engulfed you. Doubts crept in, and you questioned the very nature of your relationship with Natasha. Did she even love you still? Has she ever? Where was that woman who threw blankets over your barbed wire, leaving you just soft enough for all your other friends to approach? Why has she left you behind in her pursuit to build this new world instead of taking you along with her? The uncertainty gnawed at you, intensifying the ache in your shoulder. You made her your temple, your mural, your sky, but now you were left begging for footnotes in the story of her life.

As you stood there, watching her tend to his injuries, a deep sense of loneliness washed over you. The weight of the lack of acknowledgment you've been getting from her grew heavier, casting a shadow over the bond you once shared. The pain in your shoulder felt insignificant compared to the ache in your soul.

At that moment, you realized you couldn't take it anymore. You loved Natasha, you would probably love her till the end of your days, but you knew your love should be celebrated, and yet all she did was tolerate it.

~

You never thought about what she would do if you broke free, leaving the two of you in ruins. But that's what you did, you took the chains that bound you to Natasha and broke them.

You still longed for her, though, the neverending love you held for the woman felt like a dagger piercing your heart, a constant reminder of what you craved for, of what you once had. You wanted to remove it, to see it clatter to the ground as you bled out.

It was weird to gain the weight of her then lose it, but you needed to do it, you had to.

You were doing it for her as much as for yourself. Natasha had lost so, so much, but there was one person who could still come back, so you went to look for him, more in hopes of helping her than fulfilling your own desire of seeing him again.

Even if she didn't love you (which was the impression you got when you told her you'd be gone, looking for Clint, only to get a blank stare in response), you still loved her, you still wanted her to be as happy as she could, and you knew Clint was the person to make that happen, he was her best friend as much as he was yours.

You needed to help her heal somehow.

"She's been a mess since you left," Carol had said once during a video call, the vast expansion of the universe now looming right behind her, "don't ever tell her I said that, though." The grimace on her face told you she wasn't kidding.

"Steve's been trying to help more, even I am; I've been to earth since you left more times than I've been throughout my whole life. I'm afraid that if I stay gone too long, she won't be there when I come back… Since you left she barely takes care of herself. The place's a mess, she hasn't been eating much, and, again, don't ever tell her I said this, but I thought I'd never see her cry, and yet…"

You wondered if it had been all in your head, the way she seemed to avoid you, the way she seemed to take you for granted, the way she seemed to merely tolerate you.

In the midst of a turbulent storm of emotions, a newfound sense of urgency propelled your every step. You needed to find Clint, you needed to find him so you could go back to her, to see if she was really deteriorating that much, to ask her if it was all in your head, if you got it wrong somehow, if she actually loved you.

Time seemed to both crawl and fly, leaving you with moments of self-reflection in the solitude of your journey. Doubts and insecurities waged war within you, tearing at the fabric of your clarity. What if you discovered that Natasha's love had been genuine, but she had struggled to express it? What if she was simply too freshly traumatized to express it, and you had abandoned her at her worst moment?

You needed to go back to her, even if it was just to figure it out. But you wouldn't go back without Clint, you couldn't.

So you searched, and searched, and searched. And as you finally stood before Clint, his weathered face bearing the marks of his own battles, you found yourself engulfed in a deep ache. Two of the people you loved the most were immersed in pain, and you could do nothing to help.

"I can't believe you traveled so far, came all the way here for this," Clint spat, his voice filled with anger, his eyes filled with tears. "To ask me to come back so I can help her. Do you even worry about me? Did you ever stop to think that I lost my family? My wife's gone, Y/N! I lost my kids! Do you really think that I'm not dealing with my own shit right now?"

You shook your head, tears welled up in your eyes too, matching the anguish in your voice. "Fuck you, Clint! I'm not here just for her and you know that! You're my best friend, goddamnit, and you've been gone for years! I know you're hurting, but you gotta know that what you're doing is wrong, and it's not gonna bring Laura and the kids back." You shook your head, remembering the way the kids would all call you auntie Y/N/N. You sighed and shook your head in disappointment. "They would actually be ashamed of what you became."

You knew it was a low blow, but it was the truth, and he needed to hear it 

The moment he seemed to register those words, Clint's eyes became full of this sort of anger that you've never seen your friend display. But again, this wasn't Hawkeye, this was Ronin. 

Clint advanced upon you with rage in his eyes, his hand went to your throat, a dagger suddenly pressing against your ribs.

"Take that back." He said through gritted teeth, and you felt your eyes filling with tears once again.

Of course he wasn't above hurting you like this. He, too, didn't care about your own pain. 

You were tired, you were so fucking tired.

"Do it." You said, your voice devoid of emotions, the hollowness you now felt was all it conveyed. "It's not gonna make any difference if I'm gone, anyway."

You'd be just another death on his account, just a wisp of a memory in Natasha's mind.

Clint's brows furrowed, but his grip was unrelenting. You took your hands to his, the one holding the dagger, and pulled it up, so it wasn't resting above your ribs anymore, but right at your heart.

"Please," you said with a wavering voice, looking him deep in the eyes, trying to appeal no more to your friend, but to Ronin, "do it. Please."

The dagger clattered to the ground, Clint took a step away, looking at his hand as if it had personally offended him. He then looked at you, but you didn't meet his eyes, you were too absorbed looking at the dagger on the ground, feeling the brisk sense of freedom evading you as it finally stopped moving.

You then felt his arms around you, your head suddenly tucked into his neck.

"I'm so sorry," he said, his voice sounding desperate "I'm so sorry, Y/N, I'm so sorry," he kept repeating, and repeating, and repeating. 

You shook your head, your own desperation making you cling to him "Why didn't you do it? Why couldn't you just kill me?!"

His arms tightened around you as you both fell to your knees.

"I'm sorry," he just repeated, "I'm sorry I took this path, I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. I'm sorry I wasn't a good friend."

You wished that he being sorry was enough.

~

When you came back, there was a talk about fucking time travel. The Ant-guy was back, and so was Tony, Thor, and even Bruce. Everything seemed to be falling into place, so why did you still feel so…. broken?

But, somehow, as you and Clint stepped foot inside the Avengers compound, the familiar surroundings embraced you like a long-lost home. The tension that has seemed to permeate your very bones during the journey began to ease, replaced by a cautious hope for what awaited you.

You knew things wouldn’t instantly fix themselves up; Natasha wouldn’t just come to you and apologize for all she’s done (no, that wasn’t like her at all); your heart wouldn’t suddenly be mended, even if she did; your mind wouldn't let you forget the pain, the deep ache the past five years inflicted upon you.

And yet, there was hope.

There was the possibility of bringing Wanda back, of having Carol around more often, of doing something good for humanity. Of making Natasha happy again.

The moment the doors opened you saw her. She was talking to the Ant-guy and to Bruce, her brows furrowed as she nodded along.

And then she turned her head and caught sight of you, and of who was by your side. Her eyes widened in disbelief when she saw Clint standing there, and a glimmer of something flickered within them, something akin to hope, but also akin to sorrow. Without a second thought, she started walking in your direction, coming faster and faster until she was running. 

When Natasha reached Clint, she threw her arms around him, pulling him into a long-awaited embrace. Tears pooled in her eyes, slowly streaming down her cheeks as she closed them. 

There was a little lightness in your heart as you saw them hug, some sort of knowing that she'd be ok even if you weren't around anymore. She wouldn't starve herself, she wouldn't push everyone away, she wouldn't shut down. She'd survive, and then she'd move on.

In that moment, as Natasha clung to Clint, her teary eyes slowly opened. There, through the blur of her emotions, she looked right at you. And the gratitude that radiated from her gaze was palpable, as if a thousand unspoken words were contained within that single look. 

Her hold on Clint loosened slightly as her eyes locked onto yours, lingering for a brief, intense moment. The world seemed to fade away, leaving only the two of you suspended in time as the weight of her gaze met yours.  It felt as if the universe held its very breath, waiting for the next chapter to unfold. 

You wished you could say you could feel her love through that gaze, but you didn't know if you could use that word to describe what Natasha felt for you. Maybe she regretted what she did; maybe you became her anchor, even if unbeknownst to you, and she felt like she needed you to function; maybe she felt like she owed you something for bringing Clint back. You didn't know what it was, but you couldn't shake the feeling that the word love would be the wrong one to describe her feelings for you. Gratitude, thankfulness, maybe, but not love.

You smiled a sad smile, and nodded your head in acknowledgment to the gratitude in her eyes. 

Natasha furrowed her brows and pulled away from Clint as she saw you walking away from her, but before she could come after you, Clint caught her hand and walked towards the opposite direction. He wanted a conversation in private.

You just knew he was going to tear her a new one for what she did to you. During your journey back he had apologized more times than you could count, his words still engraved in your mind.

"I'll do whatever it takes to earn back your trust," he had vowed, his voice filled with determination. "I'll prove to you day after day that I care, that I value our friendship above all else. What happened the other day… it'll never happen again, I promise you that. I was too absorbed in my own pain, so much so that I hurt you, but I would never do that intentionally, Y/N. You're like a sister to me, I'd never willingly hurt you. I love you too much for that."

Maybe his love was real, but you didn't have it in yourself to just forgive and forget.

Maybe one day the gods would deem you worthy of love. True love, not the kind that hurts you.

~

"A soul for a soul" the Redskull said, turning the vast expense of cosmic beauty before you into something bleak, final. "You must sacrifice that which you love."

Your eyes wandered, drinking in the breathtaking scenery, the towering cliffs and cascading waterfalls; it seemed like a paradise carved from dreams. 

But the words hanging in the air casted a somber shadow over the planet's beauty, and as you stood near its vibrant precipice, the weight of what had to be done pressed upon the three of you. 

Destiny had brought you here, demanding a sacrifice.

It was a curse and a blessing all at once.

"If we don't get that stone, billions of people stay dead," Natasha stated, her voice tinged with determination, almost as if she was trying to keep herself strong.

Of course she'd want to be sacrificed, the selfless fool that she was.

Clint's gaze met hers, his eyes filled with a mixture of conflict and resignation. "Then I guess we both know who it's got to be," he replied, the weight of his words hanging heavily in the air. They didn't spare a single glance your way, it was almost as if they had mutually decided that you were to live.

A subtle sadness washed over Natasha's features as she nodded in agreement. "I guess we do."

You closed your eyes. You had been wanting this for so long, you had craved the peace I'd bring, you had fantasized about it, about closing your eyes and never opening them again.

And yet… you found yourself wanting to cling to life with an unwavering grip.

As Clint and Natasha looked at each other, you found yourself wanting to greet Laura, Lila, Coop and Nate when they came back, you found yourself wanting to have a nice day out with Yelena. You found yourself wanting to embrace Wanda and never let her go.

It hurt to know you wouldn't be able to do any of that.

"I'm starting to think we mean different people here, Natasha." Clint said then, his voice wavering slightly.

For a moment, Natasha's gaze lingered on Clint, her eyes reflecting the depth of her conviction. "For the last five years, I've been trying to do one thing: get to right here," she confessed. "That's all it's been about. Bringing everybody back."

She looked at you then, her eyes brimming with tears "I was so focused on it that I drove away the one person I had promised myself never to hurt.",

You couldn't look her in the eye, you couldn't let her see your decision through your gaze.

Clint's shoulders seemed to sag, you could see the self-blame he felt right through his eyes, even if they were focused on Nat. "And that's why it gotta be me. You spent all this time trying to help what was left of the world. Me… you know what I've done. You know what I've become." He shook his head, his eyes turning to you as well "If you haven't gotten to me, I'd still be killing an untold number of people without a care for who it'd hurt."

"Well," you said, shrugging, trying to lighten the mood a little "I don't judge people on their worst mistakes." There was no point in holding grudges anymore.

"Neither do I." Natasha said, looking at him. Her eyes turned to you then, full of sadness, longing , and regret. "I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me."

You walked towards her and pulled her in by the hand, your forehead resting against hers.

"I love you, Nat. You've been forgiven since day one." You said.

Natasha's tears streamed down her cheeks as she buried her face in the crook of your neck.

You saw from the corner of your eye Clint taking a step back, as if to go to the cliff. You extended your hand to him as well. He stopped in his tracks and took a couple steps in your direction, taking your hand in his.

He smiled a sad smile, his eyes red. "Tell my family I love them" he said, and tried to pull his hand away, but you gripped it with all the strength you had.

"Tell them yourself," Natasha said, pulling away from you as well.

You sighed, your eyes burning with unshed tears. You didn't want to die anymore. You wanted to live.

But you couldn't let them sacrifice themselves.

You ripped the bracelet Tony made from your wrist. It clattered on the ground. Natasha and Clint's eyes widened, almost as if they hadn't even thought of the possibility of you being the one to jump.

You felt an unbearable heat rising up from inside out, your lungs burned, your chest, your torso, your whole body. 

"Y/N what the hell are you doing?!?" Natasha yelled out, trying to get to the bracelet on the floor, but the burning winds that seemed to suddenly emanate from you wouldn't let her get closer.

"Take care of each other. And of Wanda and Carol. That 's all I ask." You said, your voice no longer solely yours.

You saw a rising shadow on the ground, signaling the presence of wings on your back. Blood red wings engulfed in flames. The Phoenix's wings.

Clint was rooted to the ground, your power vicious enough to paralyze those of weaker minds.

Natasha, though? She was fighting to get to you, the winds clearly burning her skin, yet she didn't give up. You turned away from her, not wanting to see her struggle.

It was a short walk to the edge of the cliff, you didn't want to look back. If you said goodbye it'd make it feel more real. So you just jumped.

And then you felt her hand on your wrist, the searing heat making her skin burn, and yet, she didn't let go.

"No, please. Not you." She cried, and even with tear stained cheeks she was the most beautiful woman you've ever seen "I can't lose you like this. The world can't lose you. You're the only one of us that really deserves to live life to its full potential."

And then, as if her touch made your power purr in her presence, Clint broke free, running to where you were dangling and taking your other wrist in his hands.

This was hurting them, both physically and mentally, you saw the skin on their hands blistering, you saw the redness in their arms, the tears in their eyes not just from the pain.

"Let me go," you said with a sad smile. They had their families, they had their jobs, their missions; their homes. 

You had nothing, all you did was take up too much space or time. They deserved to live, even if you left them in ruins.

"It's not gonna work!" Natasha shouted in desperation, her expression one of pure anguish "I don't love you! It's not gonna work!"

You smiled sadly at her. She really didn't love you, did she? She just tolerated you.

"It 's ok, Natty. It'll work. You may not love me, but Clint does " you said, smiling at her through your own tears. 

"Y/N, please, don't do this," Clint begged too, sobbing as he held onto you with all his strength.

"It's ok," you repeated, and if it was to calm them or yourself , you didn't know, "it's gonna be ok".

You used whatever little control you had over your powers to push them away. As your body tumbled to the ground the last thing you remembered was the way Natasha used to laugh at your jokes, enjoy your food, take you out on dates. The last thing you remembered was how she used to love your presence, and not just tolerate it.

Maybe one day someone would be enough to have their love celebrated by her.

~

When Natasha and Clint woke up not much later in a galaxy colored lake, she clutched the stone that had appeared in her hands, wishing with all her might that it turned out different, that the last words she said to you weren't "I don't love you."

She loved you. Always did. Always would.

~

Wanda sat in front of your gravestone, her hair disheveled, her eyes red shot, her cheeks tear stained. She hugged her knees as she sobbed, longing for the presence of who could no longer be by her side. She had lost her parents, then Pietro, Vision, and now you.

She sobbed more and more, the pitiful sound getting louder.

She felt a hand on her shoulder then, and she looked up to see red shot brown eyes.

Carol sat beside her, taking her hand and squeezing it a little. 

She understood what Wanda was going through, she was grieving you as well, and even though Wanda and Vision were planning on starting a life together, the witch suspected the Captain wouldn't have said no if you'd asked the same thing from her. So she, too, lost her love, even if she never got the courage to confess it.

It was a hot day, the sunlight shone perpendicular through the clearing where your grave has been put, creating a magical scenery all around the place.

And yes, the day was hot, but was it supposed to be this hot? 

Wanda shook her head, her brows starting to sweat.

And then the sunlight vanished, as if something gigantic was blocking its path. She and Carol looked up, but all they could see were the trees blocking the sky from view.

The animalistic cry they heard didn't come from the trees, though.

Neither did the blood red feather falling through the leaves, its tip engulfed in fire.

Wanda and Carol looked at each other, and for the first time in weeks, they smiled.

Natasha Romanoff Taglist: @strangegardentaco, @madamevirgo, @Lovelyy-moonlight, @agent99galanzo, @red1culous

[anonymityisfunwriter]

Midnight Rain

“I broke his heart because he was nice. He was Sunshine, I was Midnight Rain…”

Request from ao3- "ok but imagine a grumpy/sunshine fic with sam but the reader is the grumpy one 🤷" For one of my fave readers, @/badasswithafatass I hope you enjoy! 💛

Pairing - Sam Wilson x Reader Sam Wilson Masterlist | Inspired By Taylor Swift Masterlist Anon's 1K Celebration

“You know, for a smart guy, you’re pretty fucking dense," Bucky mutters, taking another swig of his beer.

“Aw… you think I’m smart?” Sam sarcastically awes from the bar stool beside Bucky.

Bucky rolls his eyes, shaking his head, “Do you honestly think she had any real interest in me?”

Bucky doesn't miss the tick in Sam's jaw at the mention of you. Months had passed since the last time Sam saw you, and he wasn’t too keen on remembering that dreaded last night. Just the memory of you leaning over the bar counter, hand resting on Bucky’s chest, whispering something in Bucky's ear, was enough to make Sam's stomach twist into a knot.

Even before that night, he could tell that you were pulling away from him, but there it was, that night, the final nail in the coffin. That was the last time he’d seen or heard from you. You walked out of his life without so much as a goodbye.

Sam rolls his shoulders back, his mouth twisting in distaste, “Sure seemed like it to me.”

“See? Dense,” Bucky declares, tipping his beer in Sam's direction.

“Alright, I’ll bite. How does any of that make me dense?”

“You’re an idiot.”

“Are you going to keep insulting me or are you going to actually explain?”

“Sam, she’s a spy, an assassin," Bucky explains like it should be obvious. "She knew you were standing there. She knew you were watching.”

"So maybe she wanted to make a point. It’s not like she was one for talking or communicating, maybe that was her way of letting me know how she actually felt. Trust me, I got the message loud and clear. That doesn’t make me dense."

"Sam..." Bucky takes a long breath. "We're a lot alike, me and her. And people like us, we cut and run, it's what we do. We don't wait for things to go bad, we live with the expectation that things will always go bad."

Sam tosses the rest of his whiskey back, flagging down the bartender for another one. "That's a depressing way to live."

“It keeps us alive.”

“We weren’t on a battlefield!" Sam spits through gritted teeth. "We were done with the fight, remember? We won, for Christ’s sake!”

“And where did that leave her, Sam? With a conditional pardon? People watching us 24/7?”

“With me!” Sam snaps, slamming his glass down on the bar. “It left her with me. We were good, Bucky! We were happy together. At least, I thought we were happy together. I even- I told her that after everything, that I would take her back home, meet my family, maybe settle down a little.”

"And while you're thinking about taking her home to meet your family, she's probably thinking how a family like yours is going to react to you bringing an actual assassin home."

"I... didn't think about it like that,” Sam confesses, faltering for a moment. He shakes his head. No. He refuses to accept that. It didn't excuse that he'd found you flirting with his best friend. It didn't change that you told him he meant nothing to you. “Because I don't think about her like that. And you know what? She could've talked to me, she could've told me she felt like that, Bucky, but she didn't."

"Sam, can I be honest?"

"Shoot."

"I don't think you two will ever work."

"That's a shitty thing to say to me," Sam spits.

"I don't," Bucky admits with a languid shrug. "Honest truth, I don't see it."

"You don't have to see it, I do,” Sam firmly states. “I see it working out."

Bucky claps a hand on Sam's shoulder with a tight lipped smile, "That's my point, Sam. That's the difference between you and us. You, you live for the hope of it all. She doesn't know how to do that. I don't know how to do that. We're broken, haunted people, Sam. We hurt people that get too close."

"You're wrong."

"Why else-"

"Because she was bored!" Sam angrily shouts, not caring at the stares his outburst brings. "She only wanted me because I was there."

“Do you honestly believe that?”

“Yes. I do believe that,” Sam hisses. “Unlike you guys, I believe the words that come out of people’s mouth. She was bored... She was bored and I was there.”

Bucky takes a long pull from his beer, rising from his seat with a defeated sigh. He turns to Sam to offer one last piece of insight, “All I’m saying is I wouldn’t go on the run with someone for two years because I was bored. Not unless I really gave a shit about them. Not unless I loved them, like really loved them.”

"Do you mean that?" Sam asks over his shoulder.

"Yeah, I mean that."

--

3 Years Earlier - Somewhere in Scotland

“Just let me do the talking, okay?”

Sam raises up his hands, “No arguments from me.”

The doorknob rattles for a moment, opening just enough for you to stand before them. You look at them and immediately try to snap the door shut, “No.”

Nat extends out her hand to stop the door from swinging shut. “Just hear us-“

“No.”

"You don't even know why we're here," Nat argues. “It’s important. Please.”

You relent, allowing the door to fling open. Standing tall in the doorway, your eyes rake over each of them, “Steve Rogers, Natasha Romanov or whatever name you’re going by now, and Sam Wilson, all in the flesh, all the most wanted fugitives on Earth. So I don’t care how important it is, my answer is no.”

Sam’s eyes comically widen, his voice taking a slightly bewildered, high pitched tone, “How did - Do you happen to know the names of all strangers that show up at your door?”

Your eyes dart over to Sam with a grimace, “Strangers that show up at my door end up dead. Consider yourself lucky.”

“I want you to know I’m choosing to take that as a compliment,” Sam quips, placing his hand over his heart. 

“Don’t worry, Sam," Natasha smirks over her shoulder. "She’s more bark than bite. And this is me calling in a favor.”

Your eyes narrow at Natasha, "Which favor?"

"Budapest."

Your mouth narrows into a thin line as you glare at her. You hated that favor.

You look back at the three of them. Even dressed in street clothes they all stuck out like sore thumbs. They’re all disheveled, clearly exhausted, and you did owe Natasha. You convince yourself that there is no good in this deed, it’s just a repayment. Even as your eyes linger back to Sam for a second too long. You tell yourself you don't care what happens to any of them. It's just paying a debt. “Fine. Just keep me out of it.”

Natasha nods, offering a small grateful smile, “Thank you.”

You turn on your heels without another word, striding down to your room. You slam your bedroom door shut, leaving the others on their own.

“It was nice meeting you,” Sam calls after you.

You don’t bother to reply.

After a few hours, the sun sets and your safe house returns back to its normal quiet state except for the soft snores of Steve Rogers in your spare bedroom. You’re certain that they’ve all gone off to get some rest. That is, everyone, except Sam Wilson.

“Have a good nap?” Sam greets you, sitting on the small couch in the middle of your living room.

Your eyes snap over to Sam, lightly scoffing, “Actually, I was avoiding you.”

Your brutal honestly doesn’t phase Sam. The corner of his mouth twitches up as he playfully tugs on the collar of his t-shirt, “I tend to have that effect on the ladies… That sounded better in my head.”

“For you and me both,” you quip.

“You know, you’re kind of a jackass.”

“I know. Thanks.” That's the only conversation you plan on having with Sam Wilson. You continue walking to the kitchen without saying anything else.

"So how long have you and Nat been friends?" Sam asks, trailing you as you walk to your kitchen, clearly not taking the hint that you don't want to talk to him.

You scoff over your shoulder, "Who said we were friends?"

"So you're not friends? Because the whole letting us hide out here, housing us, letting us eat your food, not turning us in, sorta gave me a different idea."

"We're not friends."

In truth, your relationship to Natasha was much more complex than that. At one point, you were like sisters. In the Red Room, she was all you had. Your only friend. Your confidante. And still, you could never quite live up to her, always second to her. You knew all her secrets, all the blood spilt, all the skeletons in her closet, and she knew all of yours.

The night before your graduation, you ran. As far away and as quickly as your legs could carry you.

You were never quite sure if it was irony or simply Dreykov’s own cruelty, but she was the one tasked to find you and collect you. You never stood much of a chance against the person that spent almost two decades besting you. She found you in Budapest. It would’ve taken a single shot. And still, it never came.

But you weren’t going to tell that to Sam.

"You're not friends?”

"No."

After that, your paths crossed only once in a blue moon. Once Natasha left Dreykov, she never sought you out. And you didn’t bother to either. You weren’t friends. You weren’t enemies. She was the sister that became little more than a stranger.

"Do you help all your not friends run from the law?"

"Natalia and I have an agreement of ... mutually assured destruction."

"Mutually assured destruction?" he dubiously repeats, quirking an eyebrow. "...So best friends."

In spite of your best efforts, your outwardly stoic expression gives way as a chuckle bubbles out of your mouth.

"Did anyone see that?” Sam proudly announces to the empty house. “I want it on the record that I made a Black Widow laugh!"

"Don't push it," you warn, though the hint of a smile that pulls at the corner of your mouth dampens the threatening undertone of your words.

"You've got a nice smile," Sam compliments.

You wipe the smile off your face, but there's nothing you can do to tame the slight blush creeping up your face, so you say the first thing that comes to mind, "Fuck off."

--

That's how it went between you and him. Push and pull.

Their time at your safe house in Scotland was short lived. No more than a few weeks. And even in those few short weeks, he saw it, saw the good that you desperately tried to keep hidden. Even then he knew, he knew you cared so much more than you would ever let on. Cooped up in your little cottage, he found that behind your barbed words and tough exterior, was a person that he really liked. You didn't let him see very much of it. Most of the time, it was in little slip ups, little cracks in your armor, but he saw it. He swore he did.

Sam ambles alone through the streets of New York, the pavement is still damp from the midnight rain, the noisy cityscape is the only thing keeping Sam from fixating on the endless loop of memories playing in his head.

He’d be lying if he said that he didn’t think about you anymore. He did. All the time.

He thinks about how good it used to be. How even on the run, constantly looking over your shoulder, it was good. He'd like to think you were as happy as he was.

In truth, he wasn't sure how or when it happened. You weren't very nice to him - to any of them really. You kept them at arm's length. He had to earn every glimpse of the person behind the armor. He had to earn every smile, every laugh, but he found each one was worth it. To him, you were worth it. You were worth all of it. 

And when that time came, when that safe house wasn't safe anymore, you stayed by his side, you became his home. 

--

You simply walked up to the breakfast table and announced that it wasn't safe to stay much longer. "You have to leave."

"What?"

"We've been here too long. People in town are beginning to talk."

Natasha didn't miss a beat. "How long?"

"Tonight."

Sam watches the interaction closely. You refuse to look at him. For a moment, Natasha's eyes look at you, imploring. She utters a quiet question in Russian.

You don't respond, only shaking your head once.

"I understand." She softly inhales, her shoulders slumping slightly, "Thank you."

You nod, turning on your heels and heading to your room. You didn't expect Sam to follow after you.

There's some part of you that's unsettled by how easily Sam fits into your life. You don't like how he speaks to you like you're friends. You don't like that there's a part of you that would love to know what being in Sam's life would feel like. And you most certainly don't like that Sam has no problem questioning you. Prying into your life. He won't like what he finds. He'll run the moment he sees the number of skeletons in your closet. No, you don't like that at all. 

And you definitely don't like that he feels comfortable enough to follow you back to your bedroom. He wedges himself into your doorway, leaning against the wall, "So what about you?"

You don't turn to look at him as you pack your duffle bag, "What about me?"

"Where you gonna go?"

"I have other places."

"By yourself?"

"Typically."

"Why don't you stay with us?"

You pretend like you're surprised by the offer. As though Natasha didn't offer the same thing two minutes ago. You just didn't expect Sam's kindness to extend past his need for your safe house. "What?"

He takes a step off the wall. Even turned away from him, you can practically hear the grin he wears in his words. "We could always use the help. You seem like kind of a pro at being a fugitive."

"I don't think your team would appreciate my presence."

"I would. I want you to come." Sam turns back at the doorframe. He pauses for a moment, looking back at you. "You should come with us."

--

You never told him why you ended up joining them. It was the one question he couldn't ever get a straight answer for.

He couldn't really remember how or when you ended up in his bed - or more accurately, when he ended up in your bed.

All he knew was that for two years, you were his sanctuary. Each and every night. He held you. Kissed away your fears. You allowed him to see parts of you that you buried long ago. 

It made the moment you walked away hurt even more. 

He doesn't know what the hell he's doing here. He's pacing through the streets of New York in the middle of the night. It won't bring you back. It won't change what happened. You still left him.

It was easier believing that you left him because you didn't love him. 

The other option hurts. It hurts too much. His heart almost shatters at the though of you leaving him because you didn't see it working out, because you thought you would hurt him. 

That's the worst part - he believes Bucky. He believes that no one, not even someone as prone to finding trouble as you are, would ever go on the run with someone for the hell of it. Not unless you cared. Not unless you loved him. 

He should've seen it. The panic in your eyes when he suggested going back to Louisiana. The pain when you lost Natasha, the last person you considered family. 

It eats at him. He didn't even try. Not really. Yeah, you walked away, but he could've gone after you. He could've believed in the love he knew you shared. 

He reaches for his phone, tucking into the crook of his neck as he hails a cab, and calls the one person that could possibly help him, "I need your help. Can you find someone for me?"

--

1 Year Earlier - Somewhere in Eastern Europe

“Stop watching me sleep.”

Sam kisses your bare shoulder, resting his chin on your arm, “It’s the only time you’re not frowning. Except when you’re with me, of course.”

You sleepily sigh, trying to suppress the smile that Sam so effortlessly puts on your face. You halfheartedly push him away, rolling further away from him, “I’m going back to sleep.”

Sam’s arms wrap around you, pulling you closer to him, “No, come back.”

“We’ve got a lot to do tomorrow, we should get the rest while we can.”

“I miss you,” Sam whines.

“I’m right here.”

“But we’re always talking about work, about the world ending, I just - I just want a minute, just me and you.”

You finally turn around to face him with a cheeky grin, “You had me to yourself all night, remember?”

“How could I forget?”

You settle against him, resting your head on his chest, “So why couldn’t you sleep?”

He smiles down at you, absentmindedly playing with your fingers, “I was thinking.”

“About?” you urge.

“What comes next. After the fight, after everything, about going home, finally seeing my family again. My sister would love you. I can't wait to introduce you."

Your smile slips from your face. "What?"

"I mean, I know we're on the run and everything, but I'm still holding onto hope," Sam confesses. "You'd love Louisiana."

A sinking feeling overtakes you. Those survival instincts you've spent your entire life cultivating bubble up. You could see Sam's family picture where he left it on the dresser. His picture perfect, shiny family.

That wasn't you. Not even in your wildest dreams could that be you. The closest thing you had to a family was the Black Widow sitting in the other room cleaning her knives. You weren't meant for domesticity. You weren't built for the happy ending that Sam deserved. The happy ending he wanted. 

Sure, he loved you now, but would he love you when his family looks at you with disdain? Would he love you when Sarah refuses to let you anywhere near his nephews? 

Or even worse, what if he did? What if he loved you through it all and you broke him in return? What if he loved you and he lost everything else because of it?

You could tell Sam. Right here and now. Tell him that you weren't built for that life. He would listen. He would hear you. Like all of your other scars and imperfections, Sam would take it in stride. You knew he would. 

But could you really do that to him? Doom him to a life tethered to someone so tainted.

He was perfect. In every conceivable way. He was Sunshine. And though you'd done unspeakable things, there would be nothing quite as vile as dragging him down to the dim, murky depths of the wasteland you called home.

He deserved more. More than you would ever be. 

--

6 Months Ago - A Bar in New York City

"You don't have to do this."

You bitterly chuckle. It was too late. You'd made up your mind. You gave yourself until the war against Thanos was won. You gave yourself that time to say your silent goodbyes, to memorize the one and only love you would ever allow yourself to have. You were selfish in that way.

Now was the time to save Sam while you still could, to finally set him free. Even if you had to break his heart to do it. You rest your hand on Bucky's chest, the furthest you could allow yourself to go without making your stomach turn. "Do what?"

Bucky's jaw ticks, "He's a good man."

"I know." It's the only time your voice reveals even an ounce of your pain. Your eyes flicker to over Bucky's shoulder. It's too late. Sam stands a few feet from you, watching you with anguish in his eyes. For good measure, you lean in closer, whispering in Bucky's ear, "But I never did well with sunshine."

"Can I talk to you outside?" Sam demands. 

You roll your eyes and snort, "If we have to."

"We do."

Sam doesn't waste a single moment. The second you step outside, he points back to the bar, "What the hell was that?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Are you kidding me? I saw you. You were all over him. He's my friend!"

"I was just having a little fun, Sam."

"A little fun?" Sam scoffs. "Are you kidding me?"

You don't allow a single ounce of remorse to show. You don't allow him to see the regret. Your face is purposely blank, cold and uncaring. You were good at this part. You were good at hurting people. It's exactly why you have to let him go. "I don't see what the big deal is, Sam."

"You don't see what the big deal is?" Sam's voice wavers. "You were just coming onto my friend! What about us?"

"What about us?" you scoff. "I was bored, Sam, we had our fun but it's done now. We're not on the run anymore. It's not a big deal."

"Just like that, we're just done?"

"You were there, Sam," you lie through your teeth. Acid churns in your stomach, rising up through your esophagus and coating your every word. "There's nothing more to it, nothing more to us."

You'd done a lot of bad things in your life, but nothing made you feel quite as wretched as watching Sam's heart shatter before you. It was better this way. He didn't know it, but it was for the best. You couldn't ruin his life anymore. You couldn't hurt him if you walked away right now. Those were the last words you ever said to him. 

--

He did it. He couldn't believe it. He'd found you. There you were, standing out on a rooftop, out in the pouring midnight rain. He almost laughs because of course you wouldn't even realize how theatrical this whole scene was. "Do you realize how dramatic it is to be standing out in the pouring rain all by yourself? And without an umbrella?"

"I'm working, Sam."

"Shooting your next romantic comedy? Is this the breakup scene?"

You don't even turn to look at him. “You shouldn’t be here, Sam.”

Sam scoffs, “That’s all you have to say? That I shouldn’t be here?”

“Go home, Sam," you demand. "I don’t want you here.”

“You’re such a jackass, you know that?”

It pisses him off that you still refuse to even look at him. If you were going to break his heart all over again, the least you could do was look him in the eye. You speak through clenched teeth, "I know."

He storms around, planting himself in front of you, forcing you to look at him. "No, I mean that, I really, truly, from the bottom of my heart, I mean that. You're such an asshole. You're one of the most difficult, abrasive, cold, and selfish people I've ever met."

You can't bring yourself to meet his gaze. You look just past him, mustering every ounce of your training to stay stone faced, "I know."

"Do you know how hard it was to find you?"

"I didn't ask you to come here," you spit at him. "I didn't want you to come looking for me. You knew that."

"And you're a liar!" Sam exclaims, a bitter laugh bubbling up from his chest. "A damned good one, too."

"I never lied to you about who or what I was."

"But you did lie, didn't you? You've lied to me before."

“Yes, I have," you softly admit. You catch yourself, reminding yourself of why you're being so harsh with Sam. You force yourself to speak with that venomous tone you know all too well, "Many times, so if you’re done insulting me, I have to go.”

"God, you're so selfish, and- and you're mean! You brood way too much. You're so fucking angsty all the time. You act like the tortured character in every shitty teen movie every made. You're inconsiderate. You don't listen. I swear, talking to you is like talking to a brick wall. And sometimes - sometimes, I want to hate you so much."

It takes everything in you to sound as unaffected as you do. You quirk an eyebrow at him, crossing your arms over your chest, "Is that why you came here? Because you're upset?"

"Upset?" Sam incredulously repeats, taking a step toward you. He's still several feet away from you, still far out of your reach, "No, I'm not upset. I was upset six months ago. Now, I'm angry. I'm pissed off - with you. I have never been so mad at another human being in my entire life."

"I didn't do anything to you. You knew who I was - who I am."

"You think that's why I'm pissed? I'm pissed because you made me like you. I'm pissed that you made me fall so hopelessly in love with you."

For the first time in six months, your eyes find his. His warm eyes, the ones that grounded you through storms of midnight rain. He'd never said he loved you before - there's no taking that back. You suck in a breath, "Sam."

"I'm pissed because I believed you when you said you were bored. But mostly, I'm pissed that I let you go, that I let you walk away without fighting for you."

You try to warn him, beg him to stop before he says something that'll make it too hard to walk away from him. "Sam."

"Because I'm in love with you."

Your voice wavers as you beg him, "Don't do this, Sam."

"I'm in love with you," Sam announces again to his audience of one. "And I know you don't think you're good for me. And I know that it won't be easy, but I am. I am in love with you. Every part of you. Especially the parts you don't like. I like that you're mean, I like that you're tougher than any other person I've ever met, I like that you're grumpy. I like that you don't see how dramatic it is to stand in the pouring rain all by yourself! I love you. I love all of you."

"Sam..." His name leaves your mouth in a whisper. It's too late. You're not strong enough to survive walking away from him. He's doomed himself.

He takes a step closer to you. "And maybe it wasn't real... but I think it was. I think you feel the same." And then another step. And yet another. Until you're face to face, close enough that you could reach out and touch him for the first time in months. The rain beats down on the two of you. The dampness on your cheeks has nothing to do with the rain. "Tell me that you don't love me and I'll leave. Tell me and I won't bother you again, I promise."

You can't. You can't bring yourself to say any of it. "Sam, it'll never work for us. You have to know that."

"We're not at war anymore." His hand skates across your cheek. "We don't have to hide. We don't have to run."

"I'm not - I'm not good, Sam." And you are, you want to say.

“No, no, you’re not good. You’re great. You’re amazing. And it’s a damn shame you haven’t stepped into the daylight long enough to see how incredible you are.”

You jerk your face away from his hand, “And what if I can’t give you what you want? What if I can’t be what you want?”

“What do you know about what I want?”

“You want a bride. You want someone to bring home to your family - that’s not me, Sam. I don’t think that’ll ever be me.”

“I want you." Sam takes your face in between both hands, begging you to see the sincerity in his eyes. "I want you in whatever way you’ll have me.”

“I’m not worth it," you softly exhale. "You have to know that I’m not worth the trouble and the heartache I’ll put you through.”

“Break my heart," Sam offers without hesitation. "Do it over and over again. Do it for the rest of our lives. It’s all yours. You’re worth it.”

“Sam…” You didn’t have any other defense. He’d broken down each and every argument you spent years cultivating. You didn’t know where to go from here.

“Do you love me?” Your lips press into a thin line, eyes squeezing shut to keep the tears welling in your eyes from falling. The rain slows to a halt. His thumb and pointer finger grip your chin, forcing you to meet his warm brown eyes. “Do you love me?”

“I love you.” You don't think you've ever said those words before. You don't think you've ever seen the daylight until you saw him. It'll take time for your eyes to adjust, but he's worth it. "I love you so much it hurts, so much that I let you go."

“You don't have to let me go anymore. We'll figure the rest out together."

Sam Wilson Masterlist AnonymityIsFun Masterlist Inspired By Taylor Swift Masterlist

As always, let me know what you think! Reblogs and comments are always appreciated! 💛

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[pandorascripts]

it’s time to go

summary: You know when it’s time to go. 

cw: angst.

BASED ON ITS TIME TO GO (all rights to ms taylor).

WAKE UP BITCHES I POSTED.

———————

You can feel it, that deep pit in your stomach as Taylor interlocks her hands with her boyfriend. The feelings enough to make you order a stronger drink, down it, and walk out the door. As much as you wanted to be at your friends wedding, you really couldn’t watching Taylor show off her new boyfriend. 

When the door swings shut behind you, you take a deep breath. Taylor had led you on for years now. You two were close friends, but behind closed curtains she was handsy, always touching you, kissing you. You frowned at the thought, she’d practically act like a couple with you, then the moment the spotlight was on her you’d be shoved away.

But of course Taylor had the right to get jealous, she always was. You’d try to go on a date, to get over her, and she’d act like you were the villain, as if you hadn’t asked her to go on a date multiple times before. You’re done, you know it now, it’s time to go. 

Your shaky hands open her contact, blocking her number and deleting it. You pocket your phone, deciding to walk the five blocks home.

The cold November air doesn’t stay when you enter the venue, trying to find the bride and wish her the best. It doesn’t take long, she’s lounging on the side, smiling as she talks to someone. You walk up behind her, watching as the conversation ends. 

“Hey!” She smiles, giving you a hug, her arms resting on your biceps. 

You lean down to her ear so she can hear what you say over the loud music. “I gotta get going, but I just wanted to say congrats again.”

She frowns playfully, nodding along. “It was good to see you again! Get home safe.”

“Will do.” You smile, walking back out the doors. 

You’re not allowed one moment of silence it seems, as heavy footsteps trail behind you. You let out yelp as your shoulders get tugged backwards, Taylor’s angry face right in front of yours. 

“What gives?” you say, trying to free your shoulder of her grip. 

Taylor doesn’t relent, still holding on to it as she speaks. “So you’re just flirting with the bride now?”

“Wh— The hell? I was saying goodbye.”

“And you just had to lean in her ear to do so?”

You scoff, Taylor’s jealousy absolutely astounding to you. “Yeah, I did, Taylor! It’s loud in there.”

Taylor shakes her head, letting your shoulder drop as she lets out a hot breath. You wipe your nose, turning back around to leave, but Taylor speaks again. 

“You’re a total bitch.”

“Excuse me?” you ask, eyes wide at her insult. 

She goes to say something else, but you cut her off. “You’ve been leading me on for years, Taylor. You don’t get to call me the fucking bitch when you showed up with a boyfriend after ghosting me. You’re the bitch!”

Taylor looks taken aback at your words, not that she should be. “Leading you on? When did I ever do that?”

You scoff, running your hands through your hair. “Maybe when you would kiss me and act like we were dating, only for you to call us friends in public. Not to mention all the times we made out when you were off fucking around with whatever dude you were dating.”

Taylor stays silent, a small sniffle the only thing you hear. You figure it’s the cold weather, but then you hear another as she clears her throat. 

“You’re right,” she admits softly. “You don’t deserve that… I’m sorry.”

You nod your head, turning around again to walk home. The pit in your stomachs more prominent than ever, as is the sinking feeling in your heart. As much as it kills you to admit it, you know it’s time to go. So you go. 

[sweetmoonlight7]

What if all i need is you?- Jegulus Microfic- Word Count: 428

Regulus Black wasn’t the most popular student. He was from a purist family, in the most hated house. There weren’t many people he was close to. Everyone that had a place in his heart had earned it through many fights.

So of course when it came out that he had been kicked out of his house and later on that he was dating the golden boy James Potter, everyone had something to say. From the girls and boys to even teachers had an opinion of how those two could have possibly ended up together.

It wasn’t really a surprise his relationships had always had many speculations. If he went out with one of his friends people would assume that they were together immediately. It left him with a less than ideal reputation…

On the other hand James was the captain of the quidditch team. He had everyone in the school enamored with him. It was a common thing to see him flirting with someone but no one ever took it as a bad thing for him.

Sometimes it felt like everyone wanted James.

So the stares and the words that were aimed at Regulus weren’t kind. They didn’t exactly bother him, he didn’t care much about what people thought of him. Although it did make him uncomfortable and it made him worry for James’ reputation.

At first Regulus was unsure about dating James, the implications that would be placed on them but especially Sirius’s reaction. They had just reconnected; he didn't want to lose him, but he loved James. It was impossible not to when he treated him with so much care.

When their time together has been like art to Regulus…

Moonlit dates in the astronomy tower.

Walks in secret to Hogsmade.

Half awake whispers in room of requirements

Thankfully and a bit surprisingly though Sirius took it well maybe it was because he had finally left home or maybe it was because he could tell that they were in love. Regardless, it made him happy so he agreed to things being public.

So on Monday when he walked in with James all eyes were on him. He thought it would feel awkward, it always had before but with James he didn’t mind. The love he had for him swirled around in his head making him feel a little sick. If they were going to look at him at least it was with James by his side. The stares were worth it for once.

It wasn’t something he wanted to admit yet but he was going to.

[marinawolf]

SuperCorp at a baseball game. Kara saves Lena from a foul ball/flying bat and makes the front pages/becomes a meme/gif. Extra likes and kudos if you can incorporate Lena’s iconic line, “Kara Danvers, you are my hero”

(I like the baseball setting, thanks! You know we had to go with the kiss cam here. Title inspired by Taylor swift)

I Don't Want You Like a Best Friend (Supercorp)

by marinawolf

Lena Luthor sat in the crowded stadium, the vibrant atmosphere of the baseball game surrounding her. It was a warm summer evening, and the stadium lights illuminated the field, casting a soft glow over the cheering crowd. Her gaze was fixed on her best friend, Kara Danvers, who was sitting beside her.

Lena couldn't help but admire Kara, who looked absolutely adorable with her blonde hair tucked under a baseball hat. Her blue eyes sparkled with excitement as she cheered for the home team, her infectious smile spreading joy to everyone around her. Lena couldn't deny it—Kara was beautiful.

As the game reached a momentary break, Lena's attention was abruptly drawn to the giant screen above them. It was the infamous kiss cam, and much to her surprise and delight, Kara and Lena appeared on the screen together. The crowd erupted into cheers and playful whistles, urging them to share a kiss.

Lena's heart skipped a beat as she turned to Kara, her eyes filled with a mixture of nerves and anticipation. She knew that her feelings for Kara ran deeper than just friendship.

Without a moment of hesitation, Kara leaned in, her lips meeting Lena's in a gentle, lingering kiss. Lena's senses heightened as she tasted the sweetness of the churros they had just enjoyed, the flavor mixing with the tenderness of Kara's lips. It was a moment of bliss, made even more magical by the cheering crowd surrounding them.

When they finally broke apart, their eyes wide with shock, Kara seemed to regain her composure remarkably quickly. She simply smiled at Lena and turned her attention back to the game, as if nothing extraordinary had happened.

Lena, on the other hand, was left reeling. She couldn't help but wonder if the kiss meant something more to Kara, if it was a reflection of the deeper connection Lena felt between them. But she couldn't bring herself to ask, afraid that her confession would ruin their precious friendship.

She spent the rest of the game, distracted, her mind reeling and her lips still tingling.

A sudden commotion interrupted her thoughts and a bat came flying towards Lena, hurtling through the air with alarming speed. Before she could react, Kara's superhuman reflexes kicked in. In a blur of motion, she snatched the bat out of thin air, effortlessly splintering it into pieces.

Realizing the potential questions that would arise if anyone noticed Kara's superhuman feat, Lena knew they had to leave immediately. She hastily led Kara out of the stadium, making sure to avoid any curious glances.

Once safely inside Lena's car, they both let out relieved breaths and laughter. Lena turned to Kara, her eyes filled with gratitude and admiration. "Kara Danvers, you are my hero," she exclaimed, a smile tugging at her lips.

Kara's bashful smile lit up her face, but it quickly faded into a pensive expression. Her eyebrows furrowed, and Lena couldn't help but feel a twinge of worry. "What's wrong?" Lena asked, concern lacing her voice.

Kara hesitated for a moment before speaking. "The kiss... what was that, Lena?" she asked, her voice filled with a mix of hope and uncertainty.

Lena's heart pounded in her chest as she searched Kara's eyes for a clue, unsure of how to respond. Fearful of ruining their friendship, she remained silent.

Kara's expression fell slightly, disappointment flickering across her features. "Because friends don't kiss like that, Lena," she whispered softly, her voice tinged with vulnerability.

Lena's breath caught in her throat as she mustered up the courage to speak. "That's because I don't want you as just a best friend, Kara," she finally confessed, her voice barely above a whisper.

Kara's eyes widened, and Lena could see a fleeting moment of relief wash over her. Without a moment's hesitation, Kara leaned across the console of the car, closing the distance between them. Their lips met once again in a passionate kiss, their emotions mingling in the warm embrace.

As they pulled apart, Lena couldn't contain the happiness that flooded her heart. Her fears had been replaced with a profound joy, knowing that Kara reciprocated her feelings. They shared a moment of silence, their eyes locked together, before bursting into smiles.

In that stolen moment, Lena knew that their relationship had shifted, hurtling into realms that Lena hadn't even dared to dream about.

[willowfolksong]

argumentative, antithetical dream boy

(inspired by the song Hits different, by Taylor Swift)

Atsumu Miya x Reader

Atsumu enters the Onigiri Miya restaurant with a bounce on his step and a smile on his face. A smile that he knows, will make anyone in his close proximity melt like chocolate candies in the sun. He knows, of course he knows. But just to make sure, he lowers his sunglasses, looks straight into the eyes of a girl sitting on a table to his right, and winks.

She blushes. The guy she's with fumes.

Mission accomplished.

He can tackle the main quest just fine.

"Who wears sunglasses inside?" Osamu shoots at him as soon as he sees him "Take them off, you idiot"

Not a good start. And certainly not the welcoming Atsumu was expecting, but he won't let this minor inconvenience stop him.

"Did you hear what I just said?" Osamu tries again, while he finishes wiping his hands on a towel. "Oi, Atsumu!"

His only answer is a scorching glare from his older brother as he reaches the back of the restaurant, finally coming to stand in front of the bar where you, working with your back to him, are busy rearranging the bottles.

Hopefully, you didn't heard his brother's quips either, and he can still make a nice entrance for himself.

"Hi, Atsumu. I'm busy today, so I can't talk much"

Or not.

Still without turning around, you wave your hand at him in greeting and keep moving bottles to one side to another. Atsumu leans down against the bar and taps his fingers on the recently polished wood. He thinks it's oak, but he's not really sure. You aren't either. He remembers that time he asked you and you laughed and told him you weren't a tree expert.

Laughter.

That's right. He can catch your attention by making you laugh.

"Oh come on. Can't you spare like, five minutes?" he pouts, his head coming to rest on one of his hands "Is a bottle of whiskey really better to look at than me?"

That makes you pause. And you don't quite laugh, but you're smiling when you finally turn around and face him, and that's a small victory he will take with his arms wide open.

"What kind of drink are you going to want today?"

"Ouch, straight to business, huh?"

"Well" you say, and this time you do laugh. An airy laugh that he remembers very well from that time you were underneath him in bed, and he tickled you and you...

He clears his throat and pushes that train of thought aside, because you're still talking, because he's in public, and because his jeans are very tight.

"... so yeah, it's kind of my work" you finish, and he's vaguely aware that you basically just told him that he should order something, and so he does, and watches intently as you get to work in whatever his mouth decided it was a good choice of beverage, while his brain was busy conjuring images of you in his bed.

"How's the night goin'?"

"Not so bad"

"But you just said ..."

"I'm busy because we had a new shipment today, so I have to rearrange everything around" you explain, shaking your head while you turn the blender on "But this is an onigiri restaurant. Almost no one comes for the bar" then you pause, waiting for the blender to finish before continuing "Well, except for you that is"

"I don't come for the bar, I come for you"

"Are you saying my drinks are shitty, by any chance?"

Ah, your good old friend, deflection. Atsumu knows her quite well.

You finish everything and hand him what appears to be a Margarita, and the look of surprise on his face only makes you laugh more than before, and offer him a complimentary umbrella. He wants to reach for your hand but instead he takes a sip of the cold, fruity liquid, mindful of not poking himself in the eye in front of the girl he's been trying to date for two months.

For two entire months.

"I have to go to the back now and bring another box of supplies, so I guess I'll see you later?"

"You and me, Saturday"

Honestly at this point, he has tried to ask you out so many times that he doesn't even know how to phrase the invitation anymore. And right on cue, you once again roll your eyes at him and shake your head, pieces of your hair falling messily against your neck in a way that seriously puts Atsumu to the test.

"You know the answer to that"

"Yes?"

"No" you deadpan "Atsumu, I'm not going to go out with you"

"But can you please tell me why?" he gets desperate easily, and that's also pretty common. He's been desperate since day one, imagine now that it's been two months of this sweet, sweet torture. "We had great, amazing sex" he says, and waits for your response. When you just stare at him, he feels one of his eyebrows begin to twitch "Right?"

You bite your lip and it's so ridiculously unfair that Atsumu feels that he could scream, throw his baseball cap to the ground and stomp on it, even fight that smug Kageyama if the bastard was around. It's unfair, because he should be the one doing the biting.

He's fine if you do it too, of course. He will let you do anything to him.

"Yes, the sex was great Atsumu"

"Both times"

"It should have been just one night"

"But it was two and both of them were great"

"Yes, they were"

He grunts, straightening his back and pushing back his sunglasses over the bridge of his nose, Margarita long forgotten on the table.

"Then why do you keep saying no? Why are we havin' this conversation when we could be doin' somethin' much more fun like, I don't know, makingl' some good use of the employees only area?"

You sigh, and you look mildly annoyed and kind of tired, but your pink cheeks and you lip still between your lips gives Atsumu enough confidence to try and reach for your arm over the counter.

He grasps the same damn space that you've been putting between the two of you since the last time you were in his bedroom.

"I'm not going to go out with you, Atsumu" you tell him quietly "And there's more to dating than sex, by the way"

"Look, that's not ..."

"Also" you add, quickly turning back to your usual cheery, kind of snarky self and pointing at his face "You really shouldn't be wearing sunglasses indoor"

"That's exactly what I told him before he came to bother you" Osamu's voice says from behind him, and Atsumu can't just turn around and scowl at his brother, because he's busy watching you disappear through the back door, taking with you all his hopes for the night.

...

To be fair, it's not like anyone can blame Atsumu for not knowing what to do. He has never played the role of the heartbroken, unable to move on lover before. And he has a cementery of ghosted lovers to prove his claim. What is he meant to do when the tables turn on him?

A warning would have been nice.

"But I did warn you" Kita reminds him, a couple of days after the first time you two sleep together. Atsumu's complaining about something Kiyoomi said, something that made him so mad because it actually reminded him of you (and he has this epiphany while talking with his former Capitan over the phone about how yes, he hasn't stopped thinking about you at all), and then all just goes down hill from there.

"What do you mean you warned me? No you didn't!"

"Yes, I did" Kita remains unfazed under the damn of emotions Atsumu seems to have become "I told you not to sleep with one of your brother's employees"

"That's not a fuckin' warnin'. That's a challenge!" Atsumu stands up from the sofa to frantically pace around the living room, and settles for glaring at the wall, since Kita is on the other side of the country "A warnin' would have been: Hey! Don't mess around with this girl or she's gonna trap you forever"

"That's..." Kita pauses, and Atsumu can hear him standing up as well "Actually the most romantic thing I've ever heard you say"

...

It was supposed to be just one night. You were cute and funny and he was slightly annoyed at the fact that you didn't immediately gushed about his volleyball career when you two first met, wich only served to fuel his interest on you.

It was supposed to be just one single night of fun, because you had casually bumped into each other in a bar and hey, you were even cuter when you were away from the bar and all those liquor bottles.

It was supposed to be just one night... but then it was two, and now Atsumu's sitting at the back of that same bar, completely mistified by how you dance and laugh and say something to a guy that's too close to you.

He takes an aggresive sip of his beer.

"Are you okay?" Hinata yells at him, trying to make himself heard over the music. When Atsumu doesn't even acknowledges him, the Spiker turns to Adrian for help. "Is he okay?"

Atsumu ignores the exchange, wich gets interrumpted by something Kiyoomi says but it's impossible to hear due to the music and his mask, tightly secured over his lips. But Atsumu doesn't cares. He instead slides closer to the edge of his seat, grabbing onto his beer bottle for dear life.

"Wait, you're spying her?" Hinata yells again, and Atsumu finally looks at him "That's why we're here?"

"Who are you even talkin' about?"

"You'd have to be stupid to not know. Everyone can see that you've been obsessively fixated on the same person since we arrived" Kiyoomi says, even tho Atsumu can only catch some words "Anyway, I'm leaving"

Kiyoomi stands and so does the rest of the group, Atsumu included. But in his case, to move straight to the dance floor and not to the nearest exit. He's vaguely aware of Bokuto telling him something, but he's too busy trying to avoid bumping into other people as he makes a beeline towards you.

You look less surprised than what you should.

"Hey! Are you following me?" you ask, smiling at him. The mascara on your right eye is a bit smudged and your hair is a mess but he still thinks you look so gorgeous he could cry.

Or maybe he's already crying, because you stop dancing and give him a worried look.

"Are you okay?"

"Not really, no"

"Hey love, is this guy bothering you?" the guy you were dancing with suddenly asks, and Atsumu would swell with pride at the simple fact that not only he's taller but also much more handsome, but standing up and practically running to the dance floor has only served to suddenly and painstakingly remind him that he's had twelve beers, so he only manages to feel a slight twinge of drunken happiness.

"We've talked about this, Kai" you say, and he's so grateful for the fact that you to take a step towards him, away from this Kai, that he could, once again, start weeping for real this time. He can faintly hear his brother's voice in the back of his head, telling someone else that Atsumu's actually a very big, blonde crybaby "Don't call me love, or any of that. It makes me uncomfortable"

"Yeah, Kai" Atsumu adds, thinking he's shaking his head to clear his thoughts, when in reality he's moving his entire body, and spilling the beer he dragged with him all over "Don't fuckin' call her that"

"Or what?"

There's a split of a second in wich Atsumu thinks this random guy is actually going to fight him, and he gets into what he feels is an adequate fight stance, never mind the frantic voice of Hinata coming from somewhere behind him, or the fact that his PR team tends to become an actual nightmare every time he does something that can remotely compromise his brand.

Fuck it all. It's been two months and if he has to fight a guy to defend your honor and get you to look at him (actually look at him, like you did that night where he kissed every inch of your body), then so be it.

But then the guy called Kai takes one big step towards him, then a smaller one, and then his face changes from angry to surprised and then to childish glee.

"Oh my god, dude!" he yells, making Atsumu blink out of his stupor "You're Atsumu Miya! From the MSBY Black Jackals!"

"What?" Atsumu asks, and then someone is tugging him from behind, and he sees you moving out of the corner of his eye and tries to reach you, but only manages to grab your jacket, spilling the rest of his beer on the fabric as well.

"I think I'm in love with you, you know?" he slurs, and your eyes widen in surprise. He's not sure if it's because of his confession, or because of the drink all over your jacket, so he tries to salvage the situation by letting go of your clothes and smiling a little "It's alright. I have a lot of money, I can send it to clean for you"

"Here! Sign here!" his newfound fan insists, pulling up his shirt to reveal an MSBY Jackals t-shirt "Oh man. This is amazing! I'm such a big fan! I don't go anywhere without my MSBY Black Jackals t-shirt!"

But it's not like Atsumu would have signed anything anyway. Even if he hadn't passed out at that exact same moment.

...

"You threw up on him" Hinata is explaining to him as he enters his brother's restaurant, sunglasses off this time "Twice. And then you also threw up on the taxi we put you on. The driver called us from your phone and told us. We had to pay him"

"I'll pay you all back" Atsumu says, lingering by the door. He soon has to make some space for a couple to come inside, and so he ends up standing on one side, nervously scanning the room "It's not that big of a deal anyway. This things just happen"

"Sakusa says that you're dead to him"

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever" he sees his brother coming out of the kitchen and clears his throat, debating if talking to him first, but then quickly deciding that it's better if he just stops being such a coward and goes straight to where he knows you are "I'll talk to Omi later"

"He doesn't wants to talk to you"

... Except that you're not there. The bar is empty and the blender is not even where you always put it. He leans over the counter and doesn't see any glasses, and all the bottles on the wall seem to be half empty, and there's not enough of them to give a proper service.

Osamu arrives by his side at the same time that dread starts to slowly consume him.

"She doesn't work here anymore, so you can just stop pesterin' me around here"

"What?"

"Are you deaf? I said she doesn't work here anymore"

Atsumu whips around in a flash to glare at his brother, standing by his side, and very much unimpressed by his reaction.

"Why? What happened?"

Osamu shrugs. He takes a quick look at the bar and then at the towel in his hands "She found another job. It's goin' to be hard without her, not gonna lie. She was very good. And responsable"

"She was the damn best!" Atsumu yells, and after getting a couple of surprised looks, switches to aggresive whispering "Why did you let her go?"

"What did you even wanted me to do? Tell her that she had to stay to keep dealin' with my dumb brother?"

Atsumu feels as if he's letting all the air he has in his body go with the sigh he gives after his brother's question. He's tired and hangover and worst of all, very much kind of in love with a woman he slept with two times. Two months ago.

He racks his brain for answers as his brother turns around to leave him to his missery. The easy answer to his feelings could be the sex, but it's been two months and you haven't been together again.

And somehow, that would be totally fine, if he could at least spent more time with you.

Because you're funny, and you crack the best jokes when you're busy polishing glasses that don't really need to be polished. And you're pretty, and your eyes shine in a way that does serious stuffs to the way he perceives the world.

You're also hot, of course, and he would snicker to himself if the wet smack of his brother's towel against his face wouldn't have him spluttering.

"The hell was that for?" he asks, confused, and now smelling like a wet rice ball.

"Do you want her number?"

...

He would have liked to rehears something, but his life is a chaotic mess since you're around, and he might as well start to deal with that fact. So when you (miraculously) agree to meet and actually invite him to your house, he's so excited and nervous at the same time that he starts talking as soon as you open the door, and doesn't stops even when you move to let him pass and he doesn't bulges, rooted to his place and focused on his unrehearsed apology.

"And I wasn't followin' you! I've just bein' goin' to that bar every weekend for a while now. We met there, so I've been goin' to drink and hang with the guys"

"Because we met there?" you ask, expression unreadable, and Atsumu has to use every amount of strength he has inside him to resist the urge to slam his head against the open door.

"Yes but also because it's a nice bar. I wasn't goin' there only because it's the place where we..." he tries to sigh and take some air at the same time, so he only manages to get himself in a coughing fit "Look" he speaks again, now teary eyed and with a sore throat "I'm really sorry, alright? I'll get out of your hair and just leave you alone. I just... well... you don't have to quit your job"

At that you laugh, and you start small but suddenly you're laughing out loud and Atsumu thinks that you would probably bent down holding your stomach and cackling like a mad woman if you hadn't caught sight of his horrified and confused look.

"I didn't quit Onigiri's Miya because of you, Atsumu" you say once you're calmer, but still having to wipe some wetness around your eyes "I've been saving money to open my own coffee shop for a while, and now I can finally do it. I want to be a barista, not a bartender"

Oh.

Oh well, that's nice. At least he didn't drive you out of your own job. That's a half win.

"That's... great for you"

"It's not a millionaire contract that would allow me to clean my jacket of any spilled drink" you teasingly add, wiggling your eyebrows in a way that shouldn't be considered as sexy as Atsumu actually thinks it looks "But it's a start. A small place of my own. A place where I can chase my own dream. Your brother started small as well, and look at him now"

"You know, I actually love coffee" Atsumu says, immediately forgetting his previous words "I drink coffee a lot. I could be like, your first client"

"Oh, really? I thought you were going to get out of my hair"

"Yeah... well..."

You laugh again, and the way you stand up on your tiptoes and leave a kiss on his cheek feels almost surreal.

Because it's been two months of poorly disguised and one sided longing.

Or at least that's what Atsumu thought.

"I wasn't going to date you while working for your brother, you idiot" you tell him, playfully smacking him on the chest "It's bad enough that I slept with you"

"Twice" he feels the need to add, just to say something that makes him feel like this is actually happening, and it's not just his still intoxicated brain playing tricks on him.

"Yeah, twice"

"So you were just..." he starts, has to stop to process everything right and then speak again, a mix of emotions (and beer from the night before) making him a bit light headed "Did you actually liked me back all this time and didn't said anythin'?"

"I'm a professional" you say, trying to look serious, but completely failing "And you also have kind of a reputation. I had to make sure..."

"Who told you that?"

"Osamu" you admit, and take a step back as he takes one forward, finally moving away from the door "And the magazines. Everyone knows you're a heartbreaker"

"Oh, yeah? Well..." Atsumu licks his lips, pausing for a moment to quickly locate what he thinks is the open door to your bedroom. He can carry you there no problem. Then he closes the entrance door with his left foot "I'm gonna show you exactly what I am"

The answer is yours. But you made him wait two months. Maybe this time, he will be the one holding himself back.

(He tells you the next morning)

This work belongs to my Midnights: Sleepless stories 🕰️ collection, a series of reader insert fics based on the album Midnight, by Taylor Swift, with characters from Haikyuu, Tokyo Revengers and Blue Lock. ✨

You can still send an ask if there's any character you would like to see in any particular song ✨

Next one on the collection - are we falling like snow on the beach?

[kay-elle-cee]

@jilymicrofics July Prompt 8: Hazy || 500 Words || NSFW || Canon Divergent MICROFIC MASTERLIST

Note: Look. I was going to try and wait until tomorrow, (especially since I dropped a oneshot today) but it's tomorrow somewhere, and Taylor (and specifically I Can See You, a Jily song if I've EVER heard one) has absolutely invaded my brain.

Smut below the cut.

Red hair falls in waves down her back, collarbone exposed to the warm summer air as his lips descend on the smooth pale skin, kissing each freckle in a trail down the slope of her breasts, hands moving up to gently work them until a soft moan escapes from between swollen lips.

Feet fumble as they blindly make their way back, back, back against the stone exterior of the cottage, lips traveling up her neck to meet her own, mouths parting and breath mingling, sharp little gasps escaping her as his fingers roll over piqued pink peaks.

The scene swims and suddenly the garden, the gentle sunlight is gone. Instead there’s a storm raging outside and the power is out in that Order safe house they shared in Portsmouth. A handful of candles light the room and she’s on top of him, flushed skin aglow in the candlelight, head thrown back in ecstasy as her hips move faster and faster, his glasses skewed on his face as he looks up with awe, hands gripped so tightly into her hips his fingers will surely leave marks.

A groan rips out as he rolls her until her back is against the mattress, red halo hair strewn over the pillows, and he continues her pace, leaning over and capturing her lips hungrily as she shudders around him with a delicious cry.

Another change, this time on a couch he vaguely recognizes as hers. There’s a warm glow from the lamps, and judging from the kitchen window it’s around dusk. They’re upright, arms slung around on another, knees and thighs touching, lips lazily moving together as hands move from hair to face to chest to arms—lightly touching, tentatively exploring their fully-clothed bodies. His lips trail to where her neck and shoulder meet and she lets out a breathy sigh of his name, “James…”

Something about that, about his name in her mouth like that sends him reeling back and he blinks rapidly as the library of the Order’s Headquarters comes into focus, a flushed and fuming Lily Evans sitting before him.

“Have your fun?” She bites, her voice strained.

“I don’t—Evans—what?” His mind has trouble focusing, hazy thoughts of gardens and candlelight and swollen lips and the way she bloody sounded crying out in that safe house scrambling his mind and affecting all of his senses. He’s confused. “Those…weren’t memories…”

She glares, and James notices the heaviness of her breathing. “No. Seems like you dug a little further.”

”Further?”

“Dreams, Potter.” She tears her eyes away, crossing her arms and muttering, "Fucking Moody’s fucking Legilimency practice."

“Dreams?” James breathes, and the blood in his veins hums. “You have drea—those kind of dreams? About me?”

Her simmering gaze flickers back to him, and he’s not sure if he imagines the way it briefly drops to his lips or if it’s just the memories of her dreams playing tricks on him.

“You’ve seen for yourself.” She breathes. “Happy, Potter? Or would you like to see more?”

Read on Ao3

[creationcitystreet-em]

Foolish One

Pairing: Eddie Munson x Latina Reader

Summary: You are pining after Eddie as you two get to know each other post high school. AU, could be modern but I don't think I get specific enough for it to matter so it could also be 80s

A/N: This was supposed to be shorter, but really it's just an incredibly self indulgent post high school AU with Eddie. It's not my best work, but I'm going through some stuff in my personal life and it was cathartic writing it out pretending it's about Eddie and not a real person, so that's what I did and I thought sharing it could maybe be fun

Warnings: angst, (mutual?) pining, fluff (if you squint), not a happy ending (I'm sorry, if I have to suffer with my feelings than so do all of you)

Also kinda based on a Taylor Swift Song: Foolish One (TV, From the Vaut)

words:~2200

Masterlist

You knew of Eddie while in high school. How couldn’t you? It was a small town where almost everyone knew each other. It didn’t matter that he wasn’t in your class or that you had never spoken a single word to each other, you knew of him because everyone knew of him. Since you didn’t really know him, you never had the highest opinion of him either. All you saw was the trouble making metal head who was terrible at school and sold drugs on the side. Not that you were one to judge, you didn’t know his life and he never seemed to cause anyone else harm. You just knew you never would have clicked and your friend groups never crossed paths anyway. It wasn’t until two years after you graduated high school, attending a college in Indianapolis and working a job on the side to support yourself that you finally officially met Eddie. He had transferred stores from your hometown to the location in Indianapolis. You were an assistant manager at this store and it just so happened to be that Eddie was an assistant manager as well. When you heard the announcement of his transfer, your ears perked up at recognizing the name. 

“I know him,” you had said to your work friend. “We went to high school together.”

“Oh nice, is he good at his job?” your friend asked you. “I’m not sure. I mean he didn’t have what I would call the best work ethic in school so I’m surprised he’s a manager now. It’ll be interesting to see how that goes.” You were less than enthused, hoping your job didn’t get harder because someone on the team was a notorious slacker. 

However, as it turned out, Eddie was an amazing coworker. You worked a lot with him, and got to know him for the first time. He was smart and funny and an overall good person. He was in Indianapolis building a fanbase for his band and also earning more money so he could go to a bigger city and hopefully make it big. The two of you shared a lot of similar interests and cared a lot about the same things. You both had this drive for justice, Eddie was a big attendee of protests in the name of different causes and organizations, and you were planning to become a lawyer one day to work for an organization that would help immigrants in situations where they couldn’t afford one. 

He expressed concern for you when you were overly stressed with school and work and tried his best to help alleviate that stress where he could. You also became friends outside of work as he invited you to a few protests he knew you would feel passionate about, and you had enjoyed some nights out with him and some other managers at your store. And it only took a few months to realize that you had developed feelings for Eddie, but that wasn’t a revelation you were very happy about. 

It just so happened to be that Eddie was already dating someone else, and they seemed very happy together being they had been together for about a year already. She had also gone to your high school but while Eddie was only a year younger than you so you had at least known of him, she was a few years younger and you didn’t even recognize her name. Turns out she was living in Cincinnati attending college to be a teacher, and he tried to spend any free time they had to go visit her. 

It made you sad, but you tried to brush it off quickly, scoffing at the absurdity of you dating Eddie anyway. He was friendly to you because he was friendly to everyone at work. You guys had become friends, but it was clear he loved his girlfriend, and you would never be one to break a couple up. Besides, you were too busy to date anyway. You had tried a few times since starting college and they never lasted that long. 

However, no matter how much you tried, you could not stop the bubbly feelings you got every time the two of you spoke about your shared interests, or when you joked about the mundane parts of your job, or when you felt a sense of calmness, happiness, and acceptance whenever you were around him. And with the way he increasingly spent time with you and seemed to feel so comfortable and happy around you as well, you began to see patterns that maybe indicated he felt the same way for you. Like whenever you caught him staring at you while the two of you worked on paperwork in the office, or when he would blush at a compliment or a daring tease sent his way.

“Oh so you’re like a nerd?” You teased one day at work when he had told you about DnD and all the time he’s spent running campaigns. He gawked at you in fake offense.

“Excuse me? Those are strong words coming from someone who got straight As all through high school.”

“And how do you know that?” you asked, surprised because you assumed he never gave you a second thought in high school.

“Are you kidding? How could I not?” he looked at you like you were the crazy one in this situation and not the other way around.

“What are you talking about? It’s not like I went around bragging about my grades to the whole school.”

“No,” he said with a smirk. “But anyone who paid any attention to you could tell you were smart and cared a lot about school. But it makes sense, you have a lot of dreams you’re working towards. Need to do well in school to achieve those.”

“You paid attention to me?” You asked in a brief moment of curiosity overriding your nerves. Now it seemed to be his turn to get flustered.

“I mean, like I said, it wasn’t hard for most people to notice.” The conversation died down as the two of you went back working, but your mind could not focus on anything but Eddie. You felt stupid for constantly convincing yourself that he might feel the same way you did. You wished you were better at deciphering other people’s feelings and that you had the confidence to confront him about it. Your hopeless romantic feelings were just going to end up hurting you more in the long run and you needed to stop letting yourself dwell on something that would never happen. 

You got better at it by focusing more on school and work than before. That was what you needed to do anyway to accomplish your goals. Silly thoughts of whether a boy liked you or not was just a distraction, especially when that boy was already clearly in love with someone else. You thought you had gotten better at pushing down your feelings for him, but you were proven wrong when it was a little over a year after you had been working together and your work best friend realized what was going on. 

“You like Eddie!” She exclaimed as you tried to shush her down so nobody else heard as you were taking inventory at work.

“Ok, yes I like Eddie, but you gotta keep it down ok? I don’t want anyone else to know about it.” 

“But why?! You two would be perfect together, everyone else should know about it so the two of you can get together! It’s obvious he likes you too!”

“What? Are you crazy? He doesn’t like me, we’re just friends. Besides, he’s been with his girlfriend from back home for over two years now. It’s not going to happen.”

“I heard they aren’t doing well right now,” she said.

“What?” You froze at the news, not having heard that yet. But it wasn’t like he talked about his relationship to you often. Maybe something had happened and you didn’t know about it. “Where did you hear that?”

“Kim said she overheard him talking to Brandon last week about it. They’re both really busy with work and school and his band, they don’t see each other enough anymore. It’s causing problems in their relationship.” You pondered over this information for a bit, not sure how to take it. You hated how it gave you a glimmer of hope, maybe they’ll break up and something could happen between you two. You shook your head at the thought. Eddie was your friend, how could you hope he gets his heart broken by ending his relationship.

“It doesn’t matter, I’m sure they’ll work it out. Besides, I’m too busy to start a relationship either.”

“Okay, whatever you say,” she gave you a knowing look and you sighed as you felt your heart continue to hope for something to possibly work out in your favor. 

Months later, when you were spending time with Eddie, you gave into your curiosity and brought up his relationship. You pretended you didn’t already hear about the problem, and just asked how his girlfriend was doing. He confessed that things were rough as they barely had time to see each other anymore. Seeing him so upset about it broke your heart and made you feel guilty for wanting them to break up. It was obvious that the distance was making it difficult for them. 

You swallowed your feelings and tried to give him some advice. He seemed grateful for that, but it sounded like the two of them were just too busy to make each other a priority anymore, and it also even seemed like they didn’t want to make each other a priority anymore either. It made you wonder if maybe they would be better off just breaking up. Not for you to swoop in and date him, but maybe they both would be happier apart. It sounded to you like they were just together out of familiarity at this point. They had been together for years now, it was hard for them to picture themselves not together so they just ignored how unhappy both of them were. You didn’t tell him these thoughts though, not trusting yourself to be seeing it from an unbiased perspective. And so they stayed together and you stayed pining after a guy you probably would never get to be with.

Sooner than you expected, graduation came around and you were preparing to move to Chicago in pursuit of your law degree. You were excited for this next big step, but also very sad to have only one summer left in Indiana with the friends you had there, especially Eddie. 

Despite your efforts, your feelings for him had only grown more and more over the two years you two worked together. But logic had to win over feelings. How could it even work out for you two even if you did end up together? You weren’t going to stay behind just to stay with Eddie, and you wouldn’t ask Eddie to go with you to Chicago. If by some act of god, the two of you actually got together over the summertime, you would just be split again by years of law school and it would have ruined your friendship for nothing. 

Sometimes you wished you were the type of person to do anything for the chance at love, but you weren’t. You had a plan and dating Eddie didn’t work in that plan, so there was no point in even trying. That’s not how your friend saw it though.

“You’re gonna tell him how you feel right? I mean your chances are running out, you have to at least try!” As much as you wanted to agree with her, you just couldn’t. 

“No, I already made up my mind, I’m not gonna do that.”

“But you two are meant for each other!”

“Maybe,” you sighed in exasperation. “But let’s say you’re right. Let’s say he leaves his girlfriend of 3 years for me. Then what?! I leave for law school at the end of July, we’d be living almost 4 hours away from each other, and we’d be having the same issues that he’s having with her right now.” She gives you a sympathetic look and it’s enough to cause the tears to start forming in your eyes. You let the last bit of romantic hope in your heart out as you continued to explain “I have to hope that what we have is special enough to come back to. Maybe one day it’ll be the right time and place for us. But that’s not right now. So I can’t ruin what we have by telling him how I feel, I just can’t.” 

And with that, it was over. You left for school, kept in touch with your old friends, but distance was hard on any kind of relationship. Of course you couldn’t help but think “what if” with Eddie, but it didn’t matter anymore. The two of you had grown apart and that was that.

[yourfriendlygryffindor]

gold rush

word count: 1339 - jegulus, Hogwarts au, teen rating

Regulus was eleven when he first met James Potter. He was being dragged by his brother to meet his friends who he had already decided he hated. All summer, it was all James Potter this, James Potter that. He was tired of it and couldn’t wait to hate him to his face. 

That was…until he saw James. 

He was beautiful even for a twelve-year-old. Nothing about him was awkward. His brown curls stuck up in a way that on anyone else would’ve looked horrid but on him looked effortless. 

That instant he realized he would never be able to hate James. 

That was also the instant he realized he was attracted to boys. 

It was a lot for a little first year to process. 

Now, at seventeen, he watched James from across the Gryffindor common room with annoyance written clearly on his face for all to see. 

Gryffindor was having a New Year party, the last New Year party that Sirius’s group would be hosting before they all graduated that spring. 

James was beaming from ear to ear as he stood atop a table, pouring drinks for people who raised their glasses and dancing when everyone was busying themselves. 

He was magnetic. Intoxicating. Inviting. Luring. 

“Oh my, Merlin, you’re obsessed, Ruby!” A Hufflepuff snickered next to him to her friend. 

“He’s so beautiful! Look at him!” Ruby responded. 

“Don’t get your hopes up, James hasn’t shown interest in anyone since he gave up hope with Evans.” 

Regulus rolled his eyes and moved to get another drink from the refreshment table. 

James was a gold rush. 

Everybody wanted him. 

It was irritating. 

Regulus was just one of the many. 

He grabbed a fresh cup of Firewhiskey and started sipping away at it. 

That was…until he turned around and saw James winking at someone, giving them his dazzling smile. Quickly, he downed the rest of the drink. 

“Wow, Reg.” Barty appeared next to him. Regulus glared at him as he tossed his cup in the bin. “What’s got your panties in a twist?” 

Involuntarily, his gaze shifted to the boy dancing on a table. 

“Ah, your massive crush on Mr. Sunshine and the fact that you want to climb that beautiful golden wizard like a tree.”

Screw his inability to control his face when he was drinking. 

“What did he do this time?” 

“Nothing.” 

“So, is it a general dislike for what he’s doing, the attention he’s gaining, or is it how you can’t control what you feel around him?” 

Regulus huffed and turned his back to James. “He’s so effortlessly beautiful.” His thoughts flowed out of him now that the alcohol was sufficiently doing its job. “It’s not fair. I put effort into everything I do, but he’s just…there, existing and perfect. I don’t like anticipating the flush of my cheeks when he deigns to smile. Everybody wants him and I’m just here. There’s no way I’ll ever stand a chance.”

Barty’s brows furrowed. “Do you want him to notice you? I was under the impression that you didn’t want to act on the feelings.” 

Regulus looked over his shoulder to stare at James grinning at his brother. “Maybe. I don’t know.”

James’ gaze shifted from Sirius to Regulus across the room at that instant. His eyes twinkled as he grinned, waving at Regulus. 

His eyes were pools of honey, it was so inviting. He wanted to get lost in them. 

Regulus continued to stare at James, not waving back but not turning away. 

James’ smile turned into a smirk like he was accepting a challenge, he handed Sirius his bottle of alcohol and hopped down from the table without looking away from Regulus. 

“He’s coming over,” Regulus warned Barty. 

“Got it, good luck,” Barty understood the sentence for what it was and left. 

“Hey, Reg,” James’ smooth voice broke through the music. “How are you?” 

“Fine.” 

James grinned and let his eyes wander over Regulus’ figure. “Good. You look great tonight.” His voice dipped low, luring him out to sea. 

“Just tonight?” Regulus played along, testing the waters. He wanted to jump in and drown himself in it.

James chuckled and leaned in, mouth hovering above his ear. “You look good every day but you look especially pretty tonight, is that what you wanted to hear?” 

He swallowed thickly and leaned in toward the warmth of James Potter. “Yes.” 

“Hm, good to know,” James spoke deeply and pulled away, taking the warmth with him. “Do you want to dance?”

Regulus blinked in surprise. He looked around at all the people already staring at them because of his proximity to the Sunshine boy of the school. 

James’ hand cupped Regulus’ chin, turning his head to look back at him. “Don’t pay attention to them. Do you want to dance with me?” 

Regulus’ mouth went dry. “Yes.”

James laced their hands together before he was tugged into the crowd. They stopped near the center of the dance floor. His anxiety rose thinking about everyone surrounding them. He didn’t want them watching, touching him. 

“Eyes on me.” 

Regulus snapped his head up and stared into that pool of honey he so desperately wanted to jump into. 

“They won’t come close enough to touch you, I promise.” 

Something about the way James spoke made Regulus believe him. 

James took Regulus’ arms and wrapped them around his own neck before wrapping his around Regulus’ waist, tugging him close. 

“Just focus on us,” he said in his ear. He swayed his hips, using his hands to help Regulus sway with him. 

He watched as slowly everyone on the dance floor was looking over at them as they danced. 

James really was a gold rush. Everyone watched him. 

I don’t like a gold rush…but I can’t look away from him. 

“Reggie,” James spoke gently. “Do you want to leave?” 

His arms tightened around James on instinct, hands slipping into the hair at the nape of his neck. 

A deep chuckle buried itself in Regulus’ bones. 

“Okay, love. Tell me if they’re too much?” 

Regulus nodded. It was too much now, but he didn’t want to break the moment. 

James’ hands spread across the small of his back as they danced. 

He couldn’t believe this was happening. 

As the song went on, Regulus became more confident despite the stares. 

He tugged on James’ hair lightly, earning a delicious groan from the wizard. His lips curved up with a slight smile as multiple witches narrowed their eyes with jealousy. 

Regulus wasn’t sure if this was a one time occurrence but he’d be damned if he wasn’t going to make a claim. 

He caught Barty’s gaze on the edge of the dance floor with Evan hanging off him. 

Barty gave him a thumbs up and mouthed, climb him.

Regulus rolled his eyes but still slotted a leg between James’s. 

“Aren’t we jumping a few steps, love?” James asked with a chuckle. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

“Is everyone watching?”

“Of course they are, James Potter—golden boy of Gryffindor Tower—is dancing with Regulus Black—heir to the Black fortune and Slytherin’s arsehole.” 

James’ shoulders shook with his laughter. “So, you’re saying if I were to do this—” James bit his earlobe lightly, “—everyone would see?” 

“Yes,” he said breathlessly. 

James hummed. “Good.” 

They continued on this way, slowly teasing each other to stake claims on one another. 

What would it be like to be with James? Would it be like this? How would it feel to be loved by him? 

He wanted to kiss him. 

But did he have enough in him to be loved by a gold rush? 

Would he survive this? 

He blinked and suddenly James had pulled back to look him in the eyes. 

“Regulus?”

He glanced at James’ lips and back up to his honey-filled eyes. 

Slowly, he leaned in, mouth hovering so close they shared a breath. 

His eyes twinkled with depth in those hazel pools. He was drawn to them like a human would be to a siren. 

So inviting, I almost jump in. 

[avalynlestrange]

Bigger than the Whole Sky

Fred Weasley x Muggleborn!Reader

Reader: Muggleborn, Orphan, She/Her Pronouns, Able to get pregnant

Warnings: This could be triggering, Death, mourning, depression, pregnancy, religion, implied smut (I don’t write smut yet), cravings, make yourself sad hours

Category: One-Shot, Songfic, Angst, Major Character Death

Summary: In which you deal with the loss of the love of your life and the gain of new ones.

Author’s Note: It took me awhile to write this one. I usually like to believe the fact that Fred was just playing an ill-timed prank. I wrote it in bits and pieces so it might seem clunky. The idea was sad and the execution miserable. It does seem fitting to post on Weasley Wednesday though. I'll make up for the sadness I swear!

Word Count: 3021

To The Library (fic masterlist) To The Kitchen (WIPs) To Midnights Anthology

To more Fred Weasley

No words appear before you in the aftermath.

As you held Fred’s lifeless body, you scream. Agony seeps out your pores. It burns traitorously on your skin. The tears pouring down your face is the kerosine that intensifies the fires of pain.

You know life isn’t fair but you feel cheated. For his family. For George. For yourself. He is meant to live a full life full of jokes and love like how he brings them to yours. How his eyes twinkles every time he would explain an elaborate scheme or every time, he would gaze upon you. How cold and glassy they are now. 

You couldn’t save him. You can’t save him.

Amongst the chaos of the battle you were separated. That should’ve been the sign that something was afoot. But the spells whizzed all around. You didn’t find him until the victory. But you still lost. 

Your body lays next to him. The whole hall quietly suffering. Most are looking at the rubble around them vacantly.  Salt streams out your eyes and into your ears. Cause it’s all over now. All out to sea.

The door opens and you hear Hermione cry out. Hermione runs towards you. You had no energy to even turn towards her. You fixate on the ceiling that once reflected the skies and comforted you. 

When Hermione realisesyou’re not one of the lost souls, she places a hand on your arm. You can hear Ron sobbing on the other side of his brother. 

“Oh sweetie…” She tries to pick you up but you resist. Instead you curl up against Fred’s familiar form without his warmth. Your head resting on his chest without his beat. Hands around his waist without him mirroring the action.

Hermione and Harry peel you away from your heart. It’s heavy and being dragged across wreckage. However, it was already broken to begin with. They sit you down on a bench.

“You need to rest and be checked.” Hermione insists, “This has already been exhausting.”

When she hears no reply, she walks over to Madam Pomfrey and they both tend to your wounds. You didn’t even notice how many you had. Madam Pomfrey dabs on one of your deep cuts. You grit your teeth as nothing beats the excruciating stab of losing the one you love dearly. 

You let both physical and emotional pain numb you, as you sit there staring blankly at that one piece of pebble amongst the larger rocks. It was flat and perfect to skip stones with. Fred would like that.

Fred would have liked that.

A few hours go by, Mrs Weasley offers for you to stay with them at the Burrow but you couldn’t bear to relive memories that would haunt you in every nook of that house.

⳾*⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*⳾

The night before Bill and Fleur’s wedding you snuck into Fred’s bedroom. The windows were closed so he bewitched the ceiling to show you the twinkling stars. He would do anything to make you happy and distract you, even for a moment, about what was to come.

“I love you, you know that?” Fred whispered. His arms enveloped you in a warm embrace. Your ear pressed against his body. His heartbeat was hypnotising. It calmed your worried state.

“I love you too.” You squeezed him. He had been trying all night to relax you. You hadn’t slept properly for days. Nightmares visited you every evening preventing you from getting the slumber you desperately needed. All scenes felt realistic. They replayed the same scene of losing Fred in the war. Then Fred would wake you up as you tossed and cried in your sleep.

You didn’t tell him about what your dreams were about. When he pressed you say it was you.

You think to yourself now that maybe if you did, he would still be here.

⳾*⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*⳾

Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye. He was bigger than the whole sky. Now there he lies in a box. Forever encased. There were so many words left unsaid. You are grateful for all the times you had spent together. Yet spiteful of the future you were robbed. You leave wildflowers atop his grave.

‘Please Apparate and tell us this is all one elaborate prank,’ you thought to yourself and it reminds you of the day you met Fred. It was on the first day of school when you heard commotion in the compartment next to yours. Two ginger haired boys coming into your chamber and telling you to act normal. That’s when your life took a welcomed turn. 

You were inseparable ever since. Always seen around playing pranks and joking about. You realised you fell for him when he asked Angelina to ball and he realised he loved you when you arrived with another guy. 

The two of you didn’t start dating until they left Hogwarts and you graduated. Even though you hadn’t been a couple for a long time, he was more than just a short time. You both knew it when he first asked you out that this relationship was forever. But it was severed short and now you’ve got a lot to pine about. You’ve got a lot to live without. You’re never going to meet what could have been. What should have been him.

You arrive at your shared apartment. You walk over to the side table and drop your keys. Taking in all the empty space; It all still feels surreal. There is no music. No crackling sounds of brewing experiments. No laughter. No Fred coming out a corner to jump scare you at any time like he occasionally did.

‘Gotta keep you on your toes babe,’ his voice echoes in your mind as you head over to the bedroom. 

You settle in bed and cover yourself with the duvet. The darkness is a barrier to the real world. 

Day turns to night turns to day turns to night. You are a robot. Programmed to cry and sleep. Food taste bland, so you barely ate. The colours look dull, so you rarely go outside. Before you know it, the evening comes and you cry yourself to sleep once again.

You jolt waking from a strange dream. Rubber ducks, arenas, and pudding. It was very weird, and you are compelled to tell Fred before you forget the details. But as you reach for him on his side of the bed you’re met with the pillows you strategically placed as a pathetic replacement.

Did some bird flap its wings over in Asia?

Your muggle parents used to always talk to you of a higher power. How they prayed every night for protection and everything they were grateful for. You weren’t sure you believed the same, especially when this higher power took them when you were young but now you think to yourself, ‘Did some force take them because you didn't pray?’

You move and drop to your knees by the side of your bed. 

Every single thing to come has turned into ashes. There is no reason to go on. You plead to whoever is listening that you’ll snap out of this by the morning, and this is just another nightmare.

No amount of weeping and pleading can undo the damage caused by second wizarding war. You know this. Even if you could, you know Fred wouldn’t approve you risking everything for him.  

Hermione and Ginny find you the next morning frozen in prayer. They rush to your side. You lean on Hermione’s kneeling frame as you beg them. Your voice was coarse and brittle. Each word broken apart by sobs and inhales.

“Please… e-erase… him… from… m-my… memories… I… I… can’t… go… o-on… with… my… life… without… him...”

Ginny goes and comes back with a cup of water. She brings it up to your lips and tilts it slightly. The liquid feels stuck at intervals, but you take in more gulps. Trying to drown the emotions that haven’t truly dulled down cause it's all over, it's not meant to be. So you say words you don’t believe.

“I don’t want to remember him. I don’t want to remember us. Please.” You reach for your wand and thrust it to Ginny. She places it on the windowsill behind you. They embrace your stiff figure. Patting your back like a mother comforting her hurting child.

“You know we won’t do that.” Hermione swallows. “You know you don’t mean that.”

Ginny picks you up. “Come on. Let’s get you cleaned up.”

⳾*⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*⳾

“Do you think we’ll win?”

‘Do you think we’ll survive this?’ Is what you wanted to ask. Having already lost so many loved ones, it’s hard to imagine that you were going to survive. You barely paid attention in lessons. Too fixated on your other pursuits.

None of which you regretted. All of which involved Fred. Thank Merlin for DA and the order. 

You were looking out of the window of his Aunt Muriel’s house. The moon was full and high. You had sneaked into the room Fred had shared with George, who was downstairs packing up orders to send off for their business. He insisted it couldn’t wait until the morning, however you know the reason is that he can’t sleep at night and packs with the radio on.

Fred didn’t reply to your question, so you turned and looked him in the eyes. Lovingly, he stroked your hair. Despite all the happenings, he never failed to make you feel safe in his arms. 

“I think we should find a place near a lake. Then we can have picnic beside it every day.” He set the scene. “You can grow those flowers you love in the garden. Our kids would play about on open fields.”

You tried not to imagine it, but the picture was too sweet. It would be lucky to have a peaceful life like how Fred envisioned.

“I would love that very much.” You caressed his cheeks and he leaned into your hand. You both narrowed the gap between you on the bed. 

He grabbed the fabric at your back and held you like there was no tomorrow. His lips feverishly played with yours as your bodies beautifully intertwined. As you relished in each other’s touch, you hoped that this wasn’t your last.

Your silent wishes that night weren’t granted.

⳾*⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*⳾

Another day in front of the toilet bowl. Vomiting and nauseous nearly every morning, you decide to make a doctor’s appointment for later today. You’re always so exhausted but that’s probably because you were crying yourself to sleep nightly. 

You wash your hands and walk to the kitchen for some water. Gargling a few times, you make yourself the only breakfast that didn’t remind you of Fred. Music isn’t played and books aren’t read to ensure you don’t get triggered by the ghost of him. His items are now packed away neat in a storage cupboard you never open. 

You don’t check on the everyone as often as you know you should. It feels selfish but you barely had any motivation to get out of bed except for needing to pee a lot.

Angelina managed to bring you out of the bedroom for a few hours to work on your resumes and post them out via her family owl. You received an invitation for an interview at St. Mungo’s. The interview is tomorrow, and your initial choice was to decline but Angelina gave you a long pep talk that you can’t back out now.

You take a taxi to your muggle doctor and the wait isn’t too long. Dr Garcia asks you what you’re there for and you tell her your symptoms. She asks you to pee in a cup. It confuses you but you comply. You want to be back in bed as soon as possible.

She then asks you to wait outside her office. When she calls you back, her demeanour is different.

“You have some news. I don’t know if it’s good news or bad news for you.” She starts.

You don’t brace yourself. Nothing could be worse than what you’ve already gone through - are going through.

“You’re pregnant.”

The words reverberate in your mind. Your heart starts to race, and the world starts spinning. You reach in your pocket and find a feather.

⳾*⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*⳾

“I swear he’s got it in for us,” you muttered quietly to Fred, when Professor Snape leaves the classroom.

“Of course he does! I mean we pull pranks on him a lot,” George replied. He motioned for you to pass him the spare rag in your hands.

“It wasn’t even me! I didn’t even do anything!” You sneered at the group of Slytherins that moved tables due to a particular loud explosion and mess on their side of your shared table. Cassius Warrington and his posse had blamed you for the incident and of course their Head of House believed their side of the story. You and the twins were given afternoon detention for the week and the task to clean up the goo that is all over your part of the classroom.

“I think it’s Snape’s turn for a trick this evening. What say you, George?” Fred turned to you and asked you the same question.

You smirked at him. “It’s like you can read my mind Freddie!”

Later that day, Professor Snape had dismissed you after your punishment.

“So I’ve told the team to cover for us so if anyone asks we are at Quidditch practice.” Fred informed you both as you sneek through secret passageways into Snape’s classroom.

You gathered all the cauldrons in the room and placed a stink bomb in each one. George then casted a spell to reduce their size. One by one you levitate the objects and hang them on the classroom lights.

“They should set off once the lights turn on tomorrow. Now let’s go!” George lead the way out.

You, however, was mesmerised by feather in a jar on Snape’s desk. The feather shimmered with cloud-like patterns. The hue of the colours shift from gold to electric blue to silver. It was quite beautiful.

“That must have been hard to comeby.” You state to Fred and told him that it must have originated from a thunderbird and shipped all the way from North America.

Fred had noticed and walked towards it. He unscrews the jar lid with ease and takes it out to give to you. He then makes the jar disappear.

“Here.” He placed the feather in your hands. “If he annoys you again just hold this and remember that I will always have your back and will always be with you… and that you have Professor Snape’s expensive thunderbird feather!”

You stroke the soft bristles, and it calms you. Fred was always by your side and will live on through your child.

⳾*⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*⳾

Months go by. You slowly develop a routine. A 9-5 job at St. Mungo’s. You and girls take turns to check up on each other and they bring you to the doctors. Weekly Friday family night dinners at the burrow.

Fred’s possessions and photos are back where they belong all over the apartment. 

You no longer ask the sky to wake up from this new reality. You know there is no use. No magic or higher being can undo the past. Instead of begging for a rewind, you now pray nightly that Fred is in a happy place watching over you and your unborn child. 

“I think he should be named after me. After all I’m the fun Uncle.” George passes you the bowl of roast potatoes. You’d been craving potatoes in all forms during your third trimester. Mrs Weasley had happily indulged them. Cooking potato pancakes for breakfast, potato salad for lunch and now roasted potatoes. 

You had accepted her invitation to stay since Mrs Weasley would not accept a no for an answer. When the Weasleys found out you were with Fred’s child they were ecstatic. Your due date was soon. You had a lot to pine about. You have a lot to live without. But your family and friends have shown you that you have so much to live for. They have been your roots keeping you steady. 

“We don’t even know if it’s a boy or a girl!” Angelina snickers.

“Then she can be Georgina or Georgia!”

Every one chimes in and state reasons why your child should be named after them. You roll your eyes at their comments and walk towards the refrigerator. Reaching for the juice, you smile as you see Ginny with baby Teddy in her arms.

“I want one!” She pouts.

“You’re too young Ginerva Weasley! You need to finish Hogwarts first young lady!” Mrs Weasley shouts all the way from the dining room. You hear Mrs Tonks agree.

You feel so blessed being surrounded by your family. All is well until a sudden pain courses through your body. The plastic jug in your hand drops and you feel liquid drip below.

“The baby is coming!” Ginny yells.

⳾*⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*⳾

Years go by and you watch as your daughters splash in a paddling pool by your cottage. Their ginger hair moves with the wind and their freckles clear in the sun. They remind you of the man you loved and still love. 

“Look at them Freddie. They’re just like you.” You whisper to the wind, hoping they carry the message to him.

The twins are living up to their dad and uncle’s mischievous legacy. As they run towards you with water balloons. You giggle and join their fun.

It was evening and it was time for bed.

“Come on Frederica.  It’s time for bed!” You call your darling.

“But I’m not Frederica! I’m Georgina!” She sprints and jumps into bed. But an eyebrow raise and a smirk from you, and she buckles confessing, “Only kidding Mum! I am Frederica.”

Her sister passes you a book for you to read them for bedtime. When you notice their breathing slow, you bring the duvet up to their shoulders and kiss them on their foreheads.

“What was Dad like?” Georgina asks, her eyes still closed.

“Oh honey, he was bigger than the whole sky.”

[starsval]

i can see you

barty crouch jr x reader

summary: academic rivals to lovers with barty

word count: 2,5k

warnings: kissing, and idk, barty being barty ig, reader is pureblood

a/n: idk if i like this and i know that i don't like the ending but yeah

You brush past me in the hallway And you don't think I, I, I can see ya, do ya? I’ve been watching you for ages And I spend my time trying not to feel it

you sense his gaze on you even before you can see him. you can feel how he watches you from the other side of the hallway. you can feel things that you shouldn't feel, especially when the cause of those feelings is barty crouch jr. 

you know he's watching you. even with a girl under his shoulder. even when his friends are talking to him. 

he's looking at you. 

and you can feel as he practically pushes you when he brushes past you. giving you not more than a glare. 

but the truth is, that he can feel you too. and maybe it's because he's been watching you for ages, but he's convinced himself that it's because you feel the same. 

he can see as you watch him from your table in the library. even when there's a good looking guy talking to you, he knows that you're watching him. and that's the reason for much of his smirks. 

But what would you do if I went to touch ya now? What would you do if they never found us out? What would you do if we never made a So-o-ound?

neither of you know how this happened. how a discussion about a grade turned into this. 

"can you just shut up?" barty says, passing one of his hands through his hair. 

"oh, so when you do better you get to laugh at me, but when i do i can't?" you question with a chuckle. 

"no you can't" 

"you don't tell me what to do barty" you roll your eyes and you're about to turn around, but the way you said his name changed something in him. 

"what would you do if i went to touch you now?" you freeze at his words. 

"you really can't stand getting a lower grade than me, do you?" you back up as he gets closer, until you have nowhere to go. 

"i don't, i really don't" he caresses your cheek. "but isn't this exciting? i know you can feel it" his hand goes down and now he's stroking your neck. "they'll never find us out" 

"wha-" you immediately shut up when you hear voices behind you, and that's when you realise that you ended up in some abandoned classroom. "we can't make a sound" 

you tell him and then you're kissing him. 

'Cause I can see you waiting down the hall from me And I could see you up against the wall with me And what would you do, baby, if you only knew That I can see you?

you're practically sure he's waiting for you down the hallway. with a new girl under his arms but it's still you he's looking for. 

he brushes past you again, except this time his hand finds yours, but his gaze doesn't. 

you're also practically sure that he's getting closer to you at lunch. because a few days ago you couldn't even see him, but now? you can't eat without listening to his voice or feeling his eyes on you. 

And we kept everything professional But something’s changed, it's something I, I like They keep watchful eyes on us So it's best if we move fast and keep quiet You won't believe half the things I see inside my head Wait till ya see half the things that haven't happened yet

yet nothing really changed. you still glare at each other when the teachers are passing the grades. he still tells you that you have a shoulder to cry if you need one, darling when you get a lower grade. you still put your middle finger up at him when he flirts with you. 

but something actually changed, something you like. because when class is over, you don't go to your room or to the library to study. instead, you go to a certain abandoned classroom. you go find a certain boy who claims he hates you. 

"you still mad that i did better than you?" barty's already there, sitting on a table as you get closer to him. 

"shut up" you know he won't shut up just with your words, so you do it with your lips. his hands go to your hair, and yours to the back of his neck. 

"we have to find somewhere else, my friends are getting suspicious" he tells you, and the look on your face immediately tells him you're up to no good. 

"we can go to my room" you suggest, shrugging. 

"what?" he asks, knowing how risky it is. 

"we can do it, no one really walks though this halls, we just have to move fast and keep quiet"

and that's what you do. until you find yourselves in the calm of your room. 

But what would you do if I went to touch ya now? What would you do if they never found us out? What would you do if we never made a So-o-ound?

he knows it’s risky, he knows that people will see this and won’t think of the playful flirting he always does, he knows that he’s too close to you. but he also knows that that guy was flirting with you, and that it bothered him more than it should.

“what would you do if i went to touch you now?” he feels your hand on his chest, pushing him off, but he grabs one of your wrists and gets closer to you to whisper something in your ear. “what would you do if they never found us out?” 

“what the fuck is wrong with you?” you get away from him and walk out of the party you just were in, away from the guy who was flirting with you, away from everyone. but not from barty, because you know that he’s going to wait at least five minutes and go find you.

“i’m sorry” he doesn’t even say hello when he finds you in the astronomy tower.

“you’re sorry? perfect, 'cause that fixes everything” you scoff, looking at the stars above you.

“he was flirting with you” he excuses himself.

“so that’s why you threw yourself at me like a toxic boyfriend?”

“i’m not toxic?” he actually looks offended when he talks. 

“and you’re not my boyfriend either” he looks away from you. 

"i know" he stays quiet for a moment, but there's this feeling in him that he can't let go of. "but he was flirting with you. and i know that everyone thinks we hate each other. we might even actually hate each other. but he was looking at you like you were nothing but a toy" 

"what if i was flirting back?" you questions, looking at him. 

"you weren't" he assures, meeting your gaze. 

"how would you know" you chuckle. 

"because i know how you look like when you flirt, i know how you lick your lips before saying something that will make the other person want to kiss you. i know how you tilt your head. how you stare at their eyes, then lips and then eyes again"

"congratulations, you know how i flirt, that still doesn't give you any right to do that"

"i know, i'm sorry" you sigh, knowing there's no use. 

"it's okay. it's just that, people are gonna notice, you know? it's suspicious"

"and would that be such a bad thing?" he asks, already knowing the answer. 

"yes it would, our families would kill us"

he doesn't say anything, because he knows it's true. 

"so, everything's fine between us?" he asks. 

"yes"

"are you sure?" you know that he won't believe your words, so you just grab his face and kiss him. and maybe you kiss him because of the family thing. because you want to tell him that you'll be fine even when you don't believe it. 

'Cause I can see you waiting down the hall from me And I could see you up against the wall with me What would you do, baby, if you only knew

you know he's waiting for you outside the great hall, and you know he's pissed. you know he was staring as that girl flirted with you. you know he was staring as you touched her arm. 

and you know that it's going to be fun when you find him at the end of an abandoned hall. 

"hi bar-" you don't get to finish, because as soon as you get close to him, your back is against the wall. 

he's kissing you. and you can barely breathe. and he's not stopping. he's kissing your lips, your neck, and he's going lower when he suddenly pulls away. 

"what would you do, baby, if you only knew?" his hands are on the wall, on both sides of your head. 

"if i only knew what?" you frown, not ignoring the pet name. 

"i know what you're doing" he chuckles, because he really knows. 

"what am i doing?" 

"touching her arm like that? knowing that i was watching" he strokes your cheek, and you immediately go back to how this started. weeks ago after a stupid test. 

"maybe i like her?" you tell him, even though both of you know it's not true. 

"yeah sure" he grabs your jaw, and then he's kissing you again. 

That I can see you? Throw your jacket on the floor I could see you, make me want you even more And what would you do, baby, if you only knew That I can see you?

you know you shouldn't be doing this. you shouldn't be dragging him to your room. not when any of your friends could see you. not when anyone could be in the common room and see you as you lead him to your room. 

but you saw him at the party, his jacket, his hair, his face. and you knew that what people think is fake flirting wouldn't be enough. 

you just wish that people don't get suspicious when you both disappeared. 

"what's happening?" he says in between kisses. because you practically threw yourself at him as soon as you entered your room. 

"nothing" you assure him, pulling away to breathe. 

"this looks like something" you stare at him as he takes his jacket off. and suddenly it's in the floor. and suddenly his hand is in the back of your neck, and the other is in your waist.

"you're making me want you even more" you whisper, and he smiles. 

"good"

I can see you in your suit and your necktie Pass me a note saying: Meet me tonight Then we kiss, and you know I won't ever tell, yeah And I could see you being my addiction You can see me as a secret mission Hide away and I will start behaving myself

you knew he was going to the party. you just didn't expect him to be in a suit and necktie. although it makes sense. it's a pureblood party after all. 

and you know you can't talk to him like you'd do in a hogwarts party, so you have to settle for just brushing past him.

and it’s like the fifth time you’ve done that when you feel him passing you a note, when you open it, you smile when you see what it says meet my at midnight - the hottest person here(at the furthest balcony btw). 

once it's midnight and your family is drunk enough, you slip away and slowly walk to the balcony, where barty is already waiting. 

"i thought it was supposed to be the hottest person? why are you here?" you joke as you walk to stand in front of him. 

"you're here, so i guess i'm still right" you laugh, and he puts his hands on your waist. "hi"

"hi" you smile at each other. 

"do you ever think about, not hiding?" he asks. 

"barty" you tell him, glaring at him. 

"i know, i know, our families, yeah. but, at this point you're an addiction and i don't want to see you like you're a fucking secret mission" he puts his forehead on yours, closing his eyes. 

"i'm sorry… but, you know what will happen. we can't risk that. besides, isn't it funny acting like we hate each other?" you pull away and smile at each other before you kiss him. 

"yeah, especially when i get to flirt with you in front of everyone" he smirks, his hand on the back of your neck. 

"they think that i get red from anger when i'm actually just blushing" you admit, before kissing him again. 

I can see you waiting down the hall from me And I could see you up against the wall with me And what would you do, baby, if you only knew

you know he's at the party, of course he is. you also know that you look good, and that the guy who's in front of you is flirting with you right know. but you're more focused on barty walking towards you. 

he steps in front of you, completely blocking your view from the other guy, who gets long forgotten when barty puts one of his hands on your cheek. 

"what are you doing?" you whisper, because you notice the people staring at you. and you notice how he looks at you. how he looks at your lips. 

"please don't get mad at me" he whispers, and you don't have a chance to answer because he's kissing you. in front of everyone.

but you don't care. you just kiss him back, your hands on the back of his neck and your body leaning into him. 

you know people are talking about you. they started when barty put his hand on your cheek. they definitely do when you two kiss. and they keep doing it when you grab his hand and lead him out of the party. 

once you're at your room, you're against the wall. 

"that was crazy, what were you thinking?" you try to argue, but he's kissing you again. 

"we'll talk about that tomorrow"

That I could see you? Throw your jacket on the floor I could see you, make me want you even more And what would you do, baby, if you only knew That I can see you? Oh, I can see you

"it's not fair, how the fuck did you get that grade? we did the same" barty groans as he enters your room, throwing his jacket on the floor just to lie on your bed. 

"i did better than you" you reply, lying next to him. 

"yeah sure, whatever makes you sleep at night" you laugh as he moves to face you. 

"i still got the better grade so… " you tease, smiling. 

"i know it shouldn't, but that makes me want you even more" he confess, stroking your cheek. 

"i know" you smile, looking at his eyes.

[thatonebrazilian]

Peace

Summary: How could someone like you ever give her the peace of mind you knew she deserved?

Word count: Around 8700

Warnings: Self-loathing, a little bit of blood and violence, mentions of torture, Weapon Hex!Reader (meaning Reader has both Wanda's and Wolverine's powers).

A/N: First fic after the hiatus. It was cathartic to write this, it felt so different from my usual writing style full off dialog and action. Hope you guys enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it!

You met her during a raid. More specifically, you met her as she and the Avengers raided the Hydra base where you have been kept.

At the time you didn't really pay attention to her, even if she was the most beautiful woman you've ever laid eyes upon. Your mind was occupied with the all-consuming fear that paralyzed you, for despite the power that resided in you, you were no warrior. You were a nobody, someone who was taken simply because no one would miss you.

As luck would have it, though, you survived a mix of the most dangerous experiments Hydra has ever made. They called you Weapon Hex, but you were no weapon, you were merely a frightened girl with overwhelming powers.

You had never had much courage, and instead of changing that, your stay at Hydra only reinforced it.

But then, suddenly, your captors were lying motionless on the ground as you crouched down in a corner with your hands covering your head. One of the Avengers tried approaching you, almost as if you were a wild animal. Your reaction was merely instinctual, your magic flared up, throwing whoever got near you to the far side of the lab; your claws came out, and you accidentally stabbed yourself, yelping in pain, feeling your magic explode outwards in response to the well-known stimulus.

"Please, don't hurt me!" You begged, backing up as they tried approaching you again, dragging yourself through the floor as far away from them as you could.

"No one here's gonna hurt you, kid," said the beautiful redhead, raising her hands in a peaceful gesture.

"Nat, back away from her, she's dangerous," said a man with a bow and arrow.

"She's scared, Clint." The woman, Nat, replied.

You didn't know that woman, you didn't know those people, but looking in her eyes you felt safer than you ever did since you were taken.

"What are you doing here?" A blond man asked, taking a step closer.

You tried backing away once again, but your back met another wall. You were cornered.

The redhead reproached the blond man with a single look, making him take a step back, she looked at you then and smiled faintly.

"We're not gonna hurt you, kid, I promise. We just want to understand why you're here," the woman said, taking another step closer. You didn't try to back away this time, but you looked hesitantly at the men behind her.

She understood your hesitance, your fear, so she ordered them to clear the rest of the base, and they promptly obeyed.

"Now," she said, "can you tell me what happened?"

And that's how you found yourself telling her everything from the moment you got taken to where you were now; you told her about every single torture session, every single pinprick.

That was the first time you opened up to Natasha Romanoff.

~

You were not Avenger material; you knew that, they knew that, and yet, you stayed. Your powers were exceptional, the overwhelming magic, the super strength that could easily rival Captain America's, and the neverending healing that prevented your body from being damaged for more than a couple of seconds. If you didn't learn how to control it, you'd be exposing everyone around you to danger; that's why you stayed, were forced to stay.

They said they weren't keeping you a prisoner, that once you mastered control over your powers you'd be able to leave. In the beginning you didn't really believe it, but then, little by little, they earned your trust.

Steve started training you to control your super strength, and contrary to Hydra training, he never hurt you; quite the opposite really, he talked to you, made jokes and told you about all the times he kicked Hydra ass.

Thor tried helping you with your magic, but that didn't turn out great. Since there was no magic user on the team, hence no one to teach you practical magic, Natasha thought it best to help you master your self control and willpower in general.

Contrary to Steve's lessons, Natasha's were more strict. She didn't make jokes, she talked only when necessary, and glared at you whenever you were too out of it. You found it was a complete opposite of her normal behavior towards you.

For some reason, Natasha Romanoff, the most intimidating member of the Avengers, was soft on you. Maybe it was because you were the only other girl on the team, maybe she pitied you for your cowardice, or maybe she was a bit protective since you were the youngest. Whatever the reason, though, you were grateful for it.

~

She was troubled, you found. In the dead of the night, she'd trash on her bed, riddled by nightmares, only to wake up startled. You could feel her fears, her nightmares screamed at you from the opposite side of the hall; with your powers, you could feel her every move, hear her every labored breath, almost as if you were by her side.

That was how you found out that she didn't wake up everyday at 4am because she wanted to.

Steve, now one of your best friends, told you they'd run together at 4:45 every single morning, and you had mistakenly thought she did it out of discipline. Truth was, she only did it because she knew she wouldn't be able to go back to sleep.

That's how you found yourself in the kitchen at 4 am, with two mugs of tea ready. You didn't need as much sleep as the average person, what with your body healing itself every few seconds, so you thought, why not?

"What're you doing up at this hour, kid?" Natasha asked, walking into the kitchen.

You shrugged and offered her a mug "I don't really need much sleep, and I thought some tea would be nice".

You were no spy, no actor, but you honestly thought she would buy that little white lie. You realized how foolish that was when you saw her shoulders tense, an expression of anger taking over her face, one you saw many times before, but never directed at you. You could hear her thoughts, she thought you invaded her privacy, and betrayed her trust.

"You know about the nightmares, don't you?" She asked, taking a menacing step towards you.

Your time at the Avengers tower helped you control yourself better, but you were still the same scared, traumatized girl they took in a few months ago, and upon seeing that expression on her face, that threatening stance she took, your automatic response was to take a couple of steps back and use your arms to protect your face for the inevitable blows that would come.

But no blows came, and slowly but surely you lowered your arms, allowing yourself to see the mix of guilt and surprise written on her face.

She took a couple of hesitant steps forward, you didn't back away this time.

"I'm sorry," she said in a low voice, extending her hand slowly towards you, "I'm so sorry."

And then you were in her arms, head tucked in her neck as she embraced you delicately "I'm never gonna hurt you, kid, no matter what."

That was the first time you felt your heart beating erratically because of any emotion other than fear.

~

You were not emotionally illiterate, you knew what you were feeling most of the time, but the green, ugly feeling that arose in you every time you saw Natasha and Bruce together was somewhat new.

To be honest, you never really had anyone to be jealous of, you never fell in love, you barely had friends, and you and your family were estranged, that was the main reason Hydra took you, actually, because nobody would miss you.

So yeah, when the first person you deeply cared for in such a long time showed so much interest in somebody else, yes, you became jealous.

Weirdly enough, somehow, you managed to become friends with most of the team. You didn't know what they saw in you, you didn't know why they even spared a glance your way, and yet somehow you managed to earn a place in their hearts, which, if you were honest, only made you feel more conflicted as you watched Natasha flirt with Bruce.

They were your friends, for fucks sake, you wanted them to be happy, more than anything, but you couldn't shake the bad feeling growing in the pit of your stomach.

Each time she would laugh at his jokes, each time she would touch his arm, each time he would stare longingly at her, you would just wish them happiness in your head, but the war raging inside your heart told you that you wanted her to look at you that way. You, not him.

The fact that she was so soft with you didn't help matters. Each day at 4:00 a.m. you would have tea together, and each day she would tell you more and more about her past.

She told you about Yelena, Ohio, and the whole mission. She told you some things about the Red Room, although she became a little bit closed off whenever it came to that. It was clear as day how much her past weighed on her, the tenseness of her shoulder gave it away, along with the sleepless nights, the slight paranoia, and the trust issues.

You wished, more than anything, you were able to give her peace of mind somehow, but she was set on achieving it by trying to make up for all the red in her ledger.

Maybe someday you would get the courage to tell her that none of that was her fault, maybe someday you'd tell her that she was the best person you have ever crossed paths with, that she didn't need to make up for anything.

Maybe someday you would outgrow your fears and tell her how you felt.

But then, seeing the way she looks at Bruce and vice versa, maybe that day would never come.

~

It still amazed you the trust the team put in you, the problem was that you didn't deserve that trust.

On your first mission with them, the moment someone pointed a gun your way you froze. Steve dove in front of you just in time for the bullet to bounce against his shield. After that Clint promptly pulled you away from the action.

During your second mission, they deemed it better to leave you on the sidelines, where there would be fewer people trying to kill you. It didn't work out that well, though, for the moment someone came to you wielding a knife, you panicked and your powers flared out, throwing the enemy so hard their skull bashed open when they landed.

After that, Natasha started training you in physical combat along with your willpower and self-control training. Her focus was on you being able to duck and defend because she knew that if you learned to defend yourself, you would probably be less susceptible to freaking out mid-battle.

On the one hand, you did think it was going to help you during battles, but on the other, having her touch your body so frequently made you feel things. And Natasha didn't make things easy for you, she would come behind you and put her hands on your waist to show you the correct stance, and she would run her hands down your back or your sides each time she wanted to show you a new way to duck or dodge, and she would smile that dazzling smile of hers whenever you did something that made her proud.

"I think you're doing better," she said once, with a soft smile on her face "soon you'll be able to hold your own in the battlefield".

At that you retreated a little into yourself, wondering how such a powerful person as you could be so cowardly and selfish as to avoid fighting even when it meant you could save lives, while someone without any superhuman abilities such as Natasha could risk her own life to save others.

"I don't know, Nat" you said then, "I just don't think this will work. How will I even know what to do? I mean, I've never had the courage to follow up on my convictions, as long as danger was near, but now that I was made into this, danger's always around the corner… They say you attract what you are, and I am dangerous. I'm a danger to all of you."

At that, Natasha walked up to you. You didn't even seem to notice what she was doing, too wrapped up in your head, but then you felt her arms around you and your body instantly relaxed. What you did notice, though, was how she seemed to melt against you.

She was such a brave, strong, selfless person. All you wanted was to be able to make her see that too. You wanted her to feel relaxed most of the time, you wanted her to sleep soundly, and you wanted her mind to be at ease. But how could you, of all people, ever give her peace?

~

The upcoming missions weren't as bad as you thought they would be. Granted, you were never in the thick of it, you were never in the center field fighting with the others, but you did help from the sidelines, sneaking up on the enemy and making surprise attacks.

Your reaction to having any weapon pointed at you never got much better, though. You would freeze, tremble, and unwillingly blast magic at whoever tried to attack you. At least with Natasha's help, you learned to contain yourself, and there were never any more casualties when you entered the battlefield.

You wish you could say your reaction to seeing her and Bruce flirt got better, but it was stagnant, the green monster of jealousy never failing to show up whenever you'd see them together.

Steve seemed to catch up on that, and he took upon always offering you a way out whenever he realized you saw them flirting. Thus you began spending more time together, and whenever he tried to comfort you you felt a pain in your chest, for Steve reminded you too much of your late brother, the only person in your family that ever stood up for you.

And as you watched his face fall whenever he saw Tony and Pepper together, you realized you were not alone in your suffering.

At least you had each other.

~

You would never admit to anyone that you welcomed the distraction Ultron's bots gave you at that party. You couldn't handle the way Natasha and Bruce interacted with each other at that bar, and when the robots crashed in, you welcomed the distraction.

But then things started getting so out of control. First with the Maximoff twins, who you have heard of during your time in captivity. You had only heard their names by chance because no one in Hydra would trust you with vital information. You didn't know what their powers were, what they were capable of, or what they looked like. But then the girl used her magic to get into the other's head; she tried to do the same to you, she did, but by then you knew enough about magic to be able to block hers when it came in contact with yours.

The girl was shocked when she realized you had the same sort of magic as her, and then it dawned on her who you were.

"You're the Weapon Hex," she said to herself. You didn't say anything back, didn't have time, because by then her brother had already swooped her away.

You didn't chase after them, though, you turned as fast as you could and ran to where you'd seen Natasha, stagnant as a rock, glassy eyes haunted, staring right through you.

Your fingers touched her temple, and you could feel your magic warring against Wanda's inside her head.

Almost as if you were transported, you could see yourself in a sterile room with a younger Natasha by your side, strapped to a stretcher. She looked at you with no recognition in her eyes, and you didn't know what to do.

When you heard people getting closer to the room you saw a glint of panic in her eyes, so you did the only thing you knew how to do. You hid. And then, when the door opened, you took them by surprise. They weren't fast enough to escape the blinding red light that came at them.

With her captors out, you neared the stretcher, and as gently as you could, you unsheathed your claws and cut the straps holding her down.

This version of Natasha was so much younger than the one you were used to, her eyes were wide as you freed her, her muscles tense as she sat up.

You hesitantly reached for her hand, but she pulled away at the last second. You knelt on the floor, then, and looked into her eyes, trying to show her that in no way, shape or form you intended to assert any type of dominance over her.

"Nat, it's me, Y/N," you said, debating if you should try to reach for her hand again or not. "This is a nightmare, we were at a Hydra base when a witch attacked us. You're not in the Red Room, you're an Avenger, a freaking superhero. You saved a lot of people. You saved me."

She blinked a couple of times, and you saw a flicker of recognition in her eyes.

"Detka?" She asked, looking at your whole face almost as if she was analyzing you. You didn't know what that word meant, but you nodded anyway. You needed her to feel calmer so you could get her out of here.

Her shoulders relaxed a little and she took a deep breath, you reached for her hand again, then, and the moment your fingers touched, blinding red light emanated from them, taking you both to the real world.

You didn't expect the sudden dizziness, though, nor to feel your legs tangling with hers as you both tried to support yourselves on each other. And with a little shriek, you stumbled, landing right above her on the floor.

Natasha sat halfway up then, elbows supporting her, her eyes looking at you with what you could only describe as gratitude.

"Thank you." She practically whispered against your face, nose almost touching yours, making you realize how close you two were.

You got up fast with the excuse of helping the others. You avoided her for the rest of the day, too embarrassed to even look her in the eye.

~

Clint's farm was a charming place, and you felt a warmth in your chest when you met his family.

His wife, Laura, thought you were a sweet oddball, she took an instant liking to you. Little Lila was ecstatic to see another girl in the group. Upon seeing you for the first time, she asked Natasha if you were a superhero too, and as soon as she heard "She's the strongest superhero you'll ever meet", Lila immediately clang to you like a koala.

On the one hand, you felt a sense of belonging like you never had before, but on the other… it was not safe for any child to be around you, like it or not you were still dangerous, what if you lost control near the kids? What if your claws accidentally stabbed a pregnant Laura?

Overwhelmed by those thoughts, you took the first opportunity to slip outside when no one noticed. You didn't need to stay there at the farm, you could find a place to hide on your own.

As you were stabilizing your magic to fly, Natasha came from the house. You couldn't decipher the look on her face.

"Where are you going?" She asked.

Upon hearing her voice you felt your energy deflate, almost as if she was grounding you to her.

"It's not safe if I stay here," you said.

Natasha crossed her arms and took a couple of steps closer. "So what, you're just going to leave? Find a place to hide on your own?"

You could feel your eyes starting to burn, your shoulders sagging, "What if I hurt them, Nat? Look at me! I am too dangerous to be around children and pregnant women!"

She stopped for a second, almost as if she couldn't believe the words that left your mouth. She shook her head, then, and took a couple more steps towards you, her face showing nothing but understanding.

She hesitatingly extended her hand, almost as if she was wary of touching you.

That, right there, was another reason for you to go. After the whole Wanda fiasco, Natasha seemed hesitant to touch you. Although you two became way closer than before, it wasn't hard to notice her hesitance whenever it came to skin-to-skin contact. And maybe it was petty of you, but sometimes you found yourself wanting to draw away just to give her the physical space she seemed so keen on having.

But right there at that moment, she wanted to touch you, and you couldn't say no. Natasha slowly took your hands in hers, caressing your knuckles with her thumbs.

"You are the gentlest soul that I've ever met, you won't harm Laura or the kids." She said, looking deep into your eyes. "Do you really think Clint would have let you come anywhere near the farm if he thought you were a danger to his family?"

"But there's always the risk… As long as I'm here, there's always the risk of them getting hurt." You said, shaking your head, trying to pull your hands away from her grasp.

Natasha strengthened her hold on you, and with a slight tremble to her body, she pulled you in, embracing you.

"Please, stay, just a bit more… For me." She whispered against your ear, making your resolve crumble.

You melted against her, gripping her shirt in your fists as if she was the only thing keeping you up, tucking your face in her neck as if you wanted to hide from the world.

"For you. I'll stay for you."

~

"You know… it's been going on for a while." Steve said as the two of you sat on the porch, looking at the trail where Natasha and Bruce were walking together.

"What?" you asked, almost as if coming out of a trance.

"The two of them," Steve said, "it's been going on since before she met you."

You turn to look at him with furrowed brows "Is it? I've never realized…"

"They've been spending more time together in the last couple of months, but they don't seem as close as before." He said "Even if Natasha's been more open to physical touch. Well… she's been more open in general. I think it has something to do with you."

"Has she?" You asked "Because from where I stand, it feels like she's withdrawing from me…" you sighed and shook your head "I mean, we've been spending more time together too, but it's almost like she's afraid of touching me."

"I think she is afraid." Steve said, looking at her in the distance.

"What?" you asked, a crushing feeling settling in your chest "Do you really think she's afraid of me?"

"No, not of you. I think she's afraid you're going to leave." Steve replied.

"Why would she think that?"

"You never wanted this life, Y/N, and we always knew that." He kicked a bit of dirt, refusing to meet your gaze "We made you stay for you to learn how to control your powers… and now you have. After we deal with Ultron, nothing is stopping you from leaving us."

You hung your head, rubbing your temple with one hand as Steve gently patted the other.

"I've got nowhere to go, Steve. My family deserted me after finding out I was bi, the very few friends that I had have probably assumed I'm dead by now, I was living in a shitty apartment and working a minimum wage job. There's nothing for me to go back to." You said, then, raising your head to look at the sky "You're right. I never wanted this, and I've never asked for these powers, but that's not going to change the fact that I have them now and that I could do some good with them. But more than that, you guys became my family. I'd never leave you behind."

A huge smile lit up Steve's face, and he swung an arm over your shoulder, hugging you sideways.

"Well, don't let Tony hear that, otherwise he'll want to throw you a party," he joked "But seriously, Y/N, you're our family too. I'm glad you're staying."

You opened your mouth to reply, but the sound of Laura's voice made you stop.

"There you are!" She said with a mischievous smile on her face, drying her hands on her apron. "Steve, come with me, I need some super strength. Y/N, go get Natasha and Bruce for dinner."

"You do know I have super strength, too, right?" You asked with a lift of your brows.

"Yes, sweetie, but you're also as clumsy as they come. Now, shoo, go get those two idiots." Laura replied, making you laugh out loud.

"Yes ma'am!" You said, getting up and saluting her.

"So bossy," Steve mouthed behind her back. You had to hold back your laughter this time, lest she realize what he did.

You shook your head in amusement and turned around, looking at where Nat and Bruce stood. It could be considered a pretty romantic setting, both of them leaning against the fence, looking at the setting sun.

You really didn't want to go there, you didn't want to see how cozy they felt with each other, you didn't want to witness their mutual affections, but you also didn't want to stress a pregnant woman, so off you went.

They didn't see you approaching, you supposed they were too wrapped up on each other.

"You're the most wonderful woman I've ever met, I care about you too much to ever let you go." You heard Bruce say, your heart feeling heavy at those words.

"You know I find you just as wonderful," Natasha answered, her hand caressing his. "Yeah… Even though I'm a monster," he said barely above a whisper, eyes trained on their hands.

"Hey, there's only one monster in our team, and it's not you." She said, and you froze.

Was she talking about you? You looked at your hands then, seeing the slits from where your claws came out. You remembered the redness of your eyes whenever you were wielding magic, the way the very few serious injuries you'd had during your time with the Avengers healed almost instantly.

Of course she was talking about you, who else would she be talking about?

"That's no excuse, though," Bruce said, shaking his head.

"It's not. I already told you the main reason." Natasha said with a somewhat sad smile. "Bruce, I love-"

You cleared your throat, not wanting to hear her saying those words to him. "Sorry to interrupt," you said, then, not looking either of them in the eyes "but Laura asked me to fetch you for dinner."

Natasha raised a single brow, a smirk on her face. "Fetch us?" She teased.

You still didn't meet her eyes, though. You weren't mad at her for calling you a monster, you really weren't, because how could you be mad at her for telling the truth?

Yet, you knew it'd hurt to look at her right at that moment, so you just nodded, turned around and left.

You didn't make it far, though. Natasha caught up to you, her hand around your wrist. You hesitantly turned to face her, eyes downcast.

"Y/N, what happened?" She asked in a worried tone.

Your eyes landed where your skin was touching hers. It felt so right, but at the same time, so wrong. Natasha was a true hero, a person raised as a weapon, a woman taught naught but evil; lying, deceiving and killing were ingrained in her, and yet she fought against that nature every single day. She was a paragon of goodness.

Her integrity made you feel small and insufficient. It felt so wrong to taint that selflessness of hers with your monstrosity. It felt like you were wasting her honor.

"Detka," she said, hesitating before cupping your face with her other hand, making you look at her.

She had a worried look on her face. You bit your lip. You owed her the truth; of what you had just listened in to, of how you felt.

You didn't want to say it, no, but Natasha deserved nothing but honesty, even if said honesty did irreparable damage to your friendship with her.

You may be a monster on the outside, but there was enough humanity left in you to know that you shouldn't shy away from doing what was right just because it hurt.

"I heard you and Bruce talking…" you said, then, closing your eyes "I knew you were just being nice when you told me I wouldn't hurt Laura or the kids, when you told me I was gentle, but… If you really think I'm a monster, why ask me to stay? Why put yourself and the others in danger?"

A beat of silence. Two. Three.

You opened your eyes and looked at her, and for some reason, Natasha seemed utterly confused.

"What are you talking about?" She asked then.

"You told Bruce there was only one monster in our team." You explained, making her eyes widen a little before a look of pure determination settled on her face.

She gripped your shoulders, then, making you look deep into her eyes.

"Y/N, you are not a monster." She said, her fingers digging into your skin "I wasn't talking about you. I was talking about myself. I told you once and I'll tell you however many times you'll need to understand: You are the best person I have ever crossed paths with. You're just so good. Your heart is pure, you somehow managed to maintain a certain innocence in your soul despite everything that's happened to you. You are not a monster, you could never be one."

You furrowed your brows and gritted your teeth. Your heart did somersaults upon hearing her words, butterflies swarmed your stomach, and yet you felt terribly angry. How dare she talk about herself like that?

Natasha Romanoff was the exact opposite of a monster. She was an angel, a goddess in disguise.

"Why would you say that about yourself?" You asked through gritted teeth "I'd understand if it was about me, because even if you say I'm good, my skeleton is still made of metal, I still have claws, my eyes still turn red and yet I keep on being a fucking coward. But Natasha, despite not having any power whatsoever you still risk your life every single day for people you don't even know. You keep trying to clean up your ledger when you were forced to paint it red in the first place." You said, taking her hands in yours "You're not just any hero, you're my hero. You're the one who made me realize that I could do this, that I could be someone who helps people. You're the one who made me want to stay and become a full-fledged Avenger."

She didn't say anything for a moment, and you thought you went too far, that she'd push you away due to her own realization of your feelings, but then her eyes seemed to water and a smile lit up her face.

Coming to think about it, Steve was right, you never saw her smile as much as she did when she was you, and it made you wonder… maybe you'd never be able to give her the peace she deserves, but you were like a fire and you could keep her brittle heart warm.

"You're staying," she said more to herself than to you, as if there ever was the possibility of you leaving her.

"As long as you'll have me," you told her, then, taking advantage of the small amount of courage that ran through your veins at that moment to take a step towards her, getting rid of most of the distance that separated you and snaking your arms around her.

You were ready to open your mouth and tell her how much she meant to you, to tell her how she made your heart beat faster, how you never felt like someone cared for you like she does, but then your traitor brain recalled the one moment that'd make you pull back.

She was ready to confess her love for Bruce when you interrupted them.

And suddenly the butterflies in your stomach seemed to die, your heart started to ache and your eyes to burn. You couldn't tell her how you felt, you couldn't put that weight on her shoulders. She cared about you too much, she'd be devastated if she knew she was causing you any sort of pain. You couldn't burden her with that.

"Nat, I'm really sorry for interrupting you and Bruce earlier," you told her "and I want you to know that-"

You couldn't finish the sentence with her mouth pressed against yours. Your brain short-circuited, you didn't know what to do, except your body did. You didn't even realize you were opening your mouth to let her in, you didn't realize that your hands were pulling her hips against yours, you were too intoxicated by her to differentiate between up and down.

When her lips parted from yours, a muttered "wow" left your mouth without permission, making Natasha chuckle and bringing you back to the real world, the world where she was about to confess her love for Bruce a couple of minutes ago.

"Nat… what are you doing?" You asked in a small voice as her face got closer to yours again, too afraid to drive her away.

You felt your stomach drop when you saw her body stiffen, the smile on her face slowly dying.

"I thought… I'm sorry, I don't know what I was thinking, I'm gonna-" She was already turning away, but you caught her wrist with both hands, too afraid to let her go even if you knew you'd never make her stay if she didn't want to.

"I liked it!" You found yourself saying in a sudden bout of courage "A lot. I've been wanting to do that for a while, but you were about to tell Bruce you love him and I don't know what-"

"What?!" She asked, almost as if you had offended her.

"When I came to get the two of you, you were about to confess your love to him… were you not?"

Natasha's eyes searched your face for a while. You didn't know what she was looking for, but whatever it was, she must've found it, because her smile came back as she took a step closer and cupped your cheeks.

"You're right, I was about to confess my love." She said and you closed your eyes for a second, but when Natasha's thumbs started caressing your cheeks, you opened them to see her looking at you with a very familiar glint in her eyes.

"I was about to confess to him how much I love you."

You opened your mouth, but no words came, you were too stunned, not having expected to hear those words.

"What?" You asked then, dumbfounded, barely above a whisper.

"Bruce and I had this unspoken thing before you came along, and the more I spent time with you the more I drew away from him." She said, and to be honest, you never realized that, because your main focus was always her. "He asked me to give us a last chance, and I tried to make it up to him by spending as much time as I could by his side… but what you were about to witness was the moment I finally told him this is not working." She took a deep breath and rested her forehead against yours. "I've been in love with you for months, it wouldn't be fair to any of us if I chose him, knowing that I love you."

You felt tears pooling in your eyes, and your heart was beating erratically, but you never felt as happy as you did at that moment.

You pulled her mouth to yours then, muttering between kisses that you loved her too.

~

After that, you felt a strange sort of confidence you've never felt before. Maybe it was because little by little you were becoming more courageous, or maybe it was because you knew Natasha would be by your side no matter what.

You didn't change overnight, no, but you didn't shy away from things as much as you did before.

Natasha made you want to be better.

There was no label to what you two had, it was all too new, too fragile. You didn't want to spoil anything. The only thing you knew was that things with her felt… common, mundane, but not in a bad sense, it's just- you could be yourself with her, and she didn't have to put up any walls with you.

Even in the midst of all the hectic dangerous day to day of an Avenger, you still felt at home with her.

~

Taking down Ultron was a piece of cake compared to having to deal with the Sokovia Accords.

Of course you sided with Steve, and you had to admit it broke your heart a little to see Natasha taking Tony's side, but you couldn't accept being controlled by anyone anymore. You wouldn't.

Tony's side had no chance against you and Wanda together. The two of you immediately became friends after meeting; Vision attributed this instant connection to your powers, both coming from the same source.

It was almost as if you could feel her, and all you felt was sadness and pain. You felt yourself wanting to be a guiding light in the poor witch's life, even if your own was pretty much miserable before the Avengers.

Natasha took it upon herself to help you make Wanda feel at home, and your love for the ex-assassin only grew. You wondered how someone who was taught only evil could be so inherently good.

It didn't take long for Wanda to become one of your best friends, second only to Natasha.

Whenever you and the witch fought together you were unstoppable and, when the time came to fight against half of your new family, it showed.

Rhodes laid half dead on the floor, Vision had a couple of sparks leaving his body as if he was overworking himself, the Spider-Man stood trapped in a magical cage, and Tony's suit got destroyed in the blink of an eye.

The sight of Natasha going against T'Challa, taking a stance on the right side, made your heart swell with both pride and affection.

Of course, things wouldn't be easy in the future, both of you went against the law, and you were officially fugitives, but in your eyes, it was worth it.

You helped Wanda escape with Vision after Steve and Bucky left, and you promptly took Natasha's hand and flew away from the United States.

It was a couple of weeks later when you found yourself in Norway with her, living the quiet life in a trailer.

~

The quiet life didn't even last a whole night.

You were nervous about sleeping in the same bed as her; the two of you were taking things slow so both of you could learn to navigate each other's trauma and, hopefully, heal together.

The night after her first confession you had decided to ask Natasha why she was drawing away from you so much. You learned of her views on physical touch, and of how she acted when her feelings became too overwhelming. She told you she drew away from you because she was scared of her feelings, as she never felt for someone as much as she felt for you.

For her, physical touch was something superficial, trivial, something she was taught to use as a weapon, as a means of manipulation, so when she found herself so enamored with you she didn't want to sully you with her touch.

It took a while to make Natasha realize that her hands were clean, not a single drop of red in them. She more than made up for all the things she was forced to do when in the Red Room. It took time, but she finally started seeing how she was more than deserving of your touch (which was ironic, for you never felt deserving of hers).

So, yeah, you were nervous about finally spending your first night sleeping in the same bed… that didn't happen, though.

First came the Taskmaster, then Budapest, Yelena, the prison break, and finally Melina. And weirdly enough, her dysfunctional family became a supporting system for you, almost as much as her.

~

You always knew what Natasha was capable of, but after seeing the Red Room first hand you finally understood why.

Somehow, someway, Dreykov and his Widows found out about you, and more than that, they found out about your relationship with Natasha. Now he didn't want just her, he wanted the two of you.

So there you were, strapped to a chair, with cuffs that somehow inhibited both your magic and your super strength. And as if that wasn't enough, the Taskmaster held a strange gun in her hands, a gun that, according to Dreykov, could bypass your healing factor.

Things seemed dire; you were incapacitated while Natasha couldn't really do anything against Dreykov, nor could she attack the Taskmaster (otherwise Dreykov's gun would be tested for real). But your Natalia was a smart one, thus when Dreykov lost the battle of wills and attacked, Nat acted as if he was actually hurting her, and finally, when he punched her face for the last time, she threw herself to the floor near the chair you were strapped to.

With hands moving almost faster than your eyes could follow, she broke you off of your chains, and in a flurry of movement, she severed her nerve by bashing her head against the chair.

With the two of you free, she flung herself at Dreykov and you used your magic to blast the gun away from the Taskmaster, sending the girl you now knew to be Antonia right through the wall.

With red eyes and unsheathed claws, you used your magic to bind Dreykov's hands and feet apart, making him float midair as Natasha approached him slowly.

"You know, you were all safe, hidden in the dark," Nat said, each menacing step she took made Dreykov's eyes widen a little bit more "but you messed up. I bet you never realized my sister took after me."

Natasha was now face to face with him, her eyes full of a hatred you had never seen before "And as if your own mess up wasn't enough, you had to go and threaten the woman I'm going to marry someday; that's when you painted a big fat target on your sorry back"

You could feel Natasha's satisfaction as she punched him in the face, again and again, and again. She procured a knife then, and buried it in Dreykov's gut with a finality that only came from fulfilling a long, overdue mission.

But then you saw a red beam of light coming straight her way, your eye identified Antonia's gun on the girl's lap, pointing at Nat.

Your body didn't freeze this time, quite the contrary, it moved almost as if on its own accord, not that you'd ever do something different. You've always heard that love was for show, but you loved Natasha Romanoff so much that you'd die for her in secret, with only her's and Antonia's gazes as witnesses to your sacrifice.

You jumped. The bean hit you.

Even if you didn't survive, it would be ok, after all, just the knowledge that Nat loved you as much as you did her was enough to have made life worth living.

~

Your burial was scheduled in a secluded place, Nat reached out to all the other Avengers, and even the ones who signed the accords declared a truce in honor of your memory.

Steve knelt beside your coffin and cried his eyes out, for you were the sister he never had. Pepper held Tony and he buried his face in her neck in a failed attempt to hide his tears. Yelena petted Natasha's back as the redhead cried hunched over your body.

Nat blamed herself for not being able to break Clint free in time for your farewell, but she couldn't stand seeing your unmoving body anymore. She'd had Melina examine you, then she called in a couple of favors and got you to the best doctors money could buy. No one was able to even tell what had happened to you. Not even Antonia, after she got out of her mind control, could tell what was that ray she blasted you with.

"Nat," said a voice she knew well, but she didn't want to deal with him, she didn't want to talk to anyone.

"I do not know who you are, but now is not a good time" Yelena said with a little bite in her voice.

"My name's Bruce," he said, "I just wanted to say my condolences… When did…" he trailed off, not knowing how to say it.

"It's been a week, give or take," Natasha managed to say, pulling away from your unmoving body.

She gritted her teeth when she saw the frown on Bruce's face, she didn't want to deal with whatever the problem was.

"I'm sorry for being crude, but her body's in perfect condition, shouldn't it be in process of decompos-"

"Are you being serious right now?" Yelena gritted out.

"She's dead, Bruce, we took her to the best doctors." Natasha spat out.

Bruce didn't say anything, he just took out a small switchblade and slashed your skin, making Natasha pull him away and Steve punch him hard enough to make him fly all the way to the lake nearby.

"Holy shit," said Tony, "look at her arm!"

There, in front of their eyes, your skin slowly, very very slowly, knitted itself back together.

"How's it possible her powers persisted if she's dead?" Steve asked.

Tony shook his head "because she's not dead!"

Natasha Romanoff never felt her heart beating as fast as at that moment. You weren't dead. She'd have you back by her side.

~

You remembered all the nights when you'd hear the sound of tossing and turning, you could practically feel her uneasiness through the walls each night. The nightmares haunted her frequently and at that time you didn't know how to make them stop.

After everything went down, Bruce and Tony managed to find out that the ray basically made your heart stop, but your powers kept your organs alive, according to them you were hibernating. They took a couple of days, but your friends got your heart beating again. Now, after breaking the others from jail and safely evading the police, you and Natasha found yourselves in Norway once again.

See, you expected your first night sharing a bed with Natasha to be somewhat hurtful. You expected to see with your own eyes the extent of her nightmares, you expected not to be able to properly sleep due to the tossing and turning. Turns out you really didn't sleep, not because of her, but because you wanted to be awake, to be able to comfort her just in case.

A part of you found it weird that she didn't show any signs of bad dreams since you imagined that sleeping beside Natasha would be a testament to how haunted she was; you imagined the mumbling, the sweat, and the expression on her face that would show you what you always knew about. Her dreams were haunted by her past.

You imagined she'd twist and turn every night, you imagined you'd use your magic to soothe her.

As the days went by and you saw no sign of her night terrors, sleep came easily to you.

One particular morning she woke up before you, the light of the morning sun filtered through the window and bathed you in sunlight. You were facing her, your eyes closed, your hair a beautiful mess. She knew then and there that she'd never be able to live without you, that if one day you really left her behind, she'd promptly follow you.

You opened your eyes slowly only to see her already awake, looking at you as if she wanted to remember every single detail.

"Hi," you said with a shy smile.

"Hi," she whispered back, beaming at you.

You crept closer to her and tucked your head in her neck, basking in her smell, her warmth. You didn't say anything more, and neither did she, and that brought a lightness in your chest that you could only hope to be replicated in hers. There you two were, relaxed, tranquil, basking in the silence that only comes when two people understand each other, when there's strong enough a bond to form a family. She was your family, and it showed in the way you looked at her, in the way you touched her, in the way you always thought of her first. It showed in the way you interacted with her family, in the way you became thick as thieves with her sister, whom you now see as your own.

But there was just one thing that always bothered you…

"Will it be enough if I can never give you peace?" You asked her then, because you couldn't give her that, and Natasha Romanoff, more than anyone in the world, deserved peace.

"What are you talking about?" She asked, but it was a rhetorical question. You furrowed your brows and pulled back a little to look at her.

"You went through so much, Natasha; more than any other person I know. You, more than anyone, deserve to just be relaxed and not have to look over your shoulder; you deserve to sleep soundlessly and not be hunted down by any nightmare; you deserve not to feel the weight of everything that was forced onto you. I can't give you that." You said then, barely above a whisper, your eyes looking deep into hers. "I can't give you peace."

"Detka," she said, caressing your face, a small smile lighting up her beautiful features, "peace is not something you're normally able to give to other people… but if there's someone that does it for me, it's you".

You couldn't have heard it right, could you? How could you, of all people, offer it to her?

"What?" You asked then, perplexed.

"You helped me with getting my family back, you made me see that I made up for everything I've done under the Red Room's name; With you, I never have to look over my shoulder, I feel relaxed enough because I know you're always going to look out for me; I never have to worry about my enemies getting ahold of you, because you defied death itself; there's also the nightmares, I haven't had a single one since I first slept by your side. And of course, the love. You make me feel loved, truly loved, I've never thought someone could love me so wholly, but you do, and I love you just as much, and our love, in and of itself, it's peace."

You felt tears in your eyes, you felt butterflies in your stomach and bubbles in your chest. "I want to give you my all. Give you my peace, give you my wild… give you a child. I want to live the rest of my life by your side, Natasha Romanoff."

She smiled as she kissed you "Shall I buy the rings, then, my love?"

Turns out you didn't need to know if it'd be enough if you could never bring her peace, because you are her peace.

Natasha Romanoff taglist: @strangegardentaco, @madamevirgo, @Lovelyy-moonlight, @agent99galanzo