#I hate to sound whiny because I appreciate any interaction at all

[motherhenna]

Tulsi and Simon at the beginning of my novel--both trainwrecks in their own unique ways ~ had a lot of fun with this one. Every time I do a new full-body piece, I feel a little closer to letting my readers see them exactly like I do.

Artists note: Please consider reblogging and tagging (I read every one of them)! This isn't tiktok or insta, so likes--while well-meaning--do nothing to get my work out there, and I really miss reading comments and feedback.

[transmascpetewentz]

every once in a while i'll see a post about how fandom spaces (that i interact in, anyways) never focus on women and i cant help but disagree with this. every fandom i care about seems to solely focus on women--cishet women. from a sapphic person's perspective, i can understand how sucky it is that the few women in the media that you've grown attached to never having posts about them. but we seem to disagree on the roots of the focus on man characters. them: lack of sapphics and/or appreciation for women. me: cishet girls being a large demographic for media with a majority of man characters. these arent in contest but i think it's important to bring up my perspective because yeah, this is a genre mainly attractive to cishet girls so they arent going to focus on the one or two women. youre part of the queer subset of the fandom, its unfortunate its not more widely available but you can take a crack at making your own content. its something im sure a lot of people would appreciate, similarly to how i, an mspec trans guy, enjoy finding the rare mlm, and more rarely: ftm, content.

it's not about sapphic people being underrepresented in certain fandom spaces, its about the underrepresentation of queer people in certain fandom spaces. cishet women are at the forefront of things there, everything assumes: you are a woman and you are attracted to men in a distinctly non-queer way. being a trans guy in such places, i dread the posts about characters "seeing you changing", and even worse: "finding out you're a girl" type shit. i hate finding posts about marriage and meeting literally any character in any context (i know i sound juvenile, im an avid reader of fanfics lol). because everything is so gendered and straight in the wrong way. im sure a bunch of trans women have their own complaints. i know non-binary people have theirs.

at the end of this, i feel some of this is pretty mean but i tried to keep my tone respectful. i just feel like i've finally found the right way to phrase the thoughts i've had for so long. i'm somewhat involved in fandoms and very attached to these medias and it hurts being one of the few (trans) guys into these sorta things because they are majorially for cishet women and it feels like im just the whiny odd ""boy"" thats just masquerading among a ball of inescapable cis femininity. i hope one day i can see my favorite medias and fandoms be more inclusive of queer people of all orientations and genders. for now though: we just kinda gotta support the queer people that do make content and try our best to expand upon this content ourselves; such as fics, art, appreciation posts, etc, to make our fandoms more queer.

^^^

[evaofkonoha]

A few unhinged thoughts I wrote out and it's my blog so I'm sharing:

Sometimes, I wonder if my works mean something to someone. Like, they read something I wrote, and it hit them. They felt seen by it, or it provided some sense of comfort, or related to a life experience they have had, or it just hit everything they like. Because sure "I write for myself yadda yadda," but like, did I create something that actually means something to someone?

Because I have read things like that, and I get so excited when I read something that just really hits just right. Like, I never knew this existed before, but now I know it does and my life is different and better because of it.

And how do I express that in a way that isn't overbearing/overwhelming/whatever? I have a tendency to leave over-enthusiastic comments, but I recently had the epiphany that some people might actually hate getting that kind of stuff. It might be a little too much, or kind of awkward to get this gushing comment on a work (or tumblr ask, whatever). Especially on an older work. And if I am beginning to feel this way, do other readers maybe feel this way too?

On the other hand, if we don't tell people, how will they ever know that we love and appreciate what they have done?

As an author, I always get so excited to get a really enthusiastic comment, or dm (which I have gotten before and love just as much). I guess it goes back to the question of "has my work left and impact on someone," because a reader reaching out like that would have to suggest the answer is "yes."

But if I am feeling like I have to practically beg in an A/N for interaction, is it authentic? Would I rather have nothing than inauthentic interaction? (Yes). There's a lot to unpack here, but I'm not going to, I just don't want to rn.

I write niche shit. Like, super niche. I get it if I don't get much traction, I am pretty comfortable with thay fact. I write what I want to write, and most of it doesn't have mass appeal. While I hate to admit it--and it makes me sound very whiny, I know--I can't help but have doubts when I throw something out there and... nothing. It leaves me wondering if it's just not that good, if I'm the only one having an experience, holding an interest, or even really left in an area of fandom. I know I'm not, but I think we all have these unfortunate thoughts that creep up on us sometimes, getting a chokehold on insecurities and purpose and passion.

Doubts are normal, they are. Sometimes, they really pull me under, not going to lie. That fear that nothing I do matters, that it doesn't mean anything. It's not about numbers or kudos or any of that crap, it's about connection. Is what I am writing connecting? With myself? With others? Is it even something I need to be stressing over? (Probably not, but here we are).

I think it is important to not sugarcoat all this though, because if these things aren't expressed, they can't be shared, and that leaves me--and anyone else feeling this way--feeling alone.

This is pretty rambly, but it is something I have been thinking about a lot, reflecting on fandom and community and passion and what the point of all this is. I love to write, it is truly one of my greatest passions, but I think sharing my writings and the social aspect of all this is what has really been so special to me. I have made some wonderful fandom friends--through comments sections, tumblr dms, discord, and so on--that have made this experience coming back into fandom so much richer. Again, it's that connection aspect. I don't know if I would still be going this strong if I hadn't, and didn't continue to make, friends who love all this too. So, I am very overly beyond thankful for those who have shown me so much love. I am glad we have connected. It helps fight these doubts on purpose and shit.

There is not definite conclusion to any of this, it's all just the ramblings of a hyper-self-aware hobby writer. lol. :)

[utterlyhopeful-fics]

Love you too.

A/N: This was initially supposed to be smut but my brain went hay wire and ended in angst. More Mayans coming next week! 

MASTERLIST

Also, if I keep tagging you and you’re not interested or want to be tagged; please let know!

Word Count: 2210

Ezekiel Reyes x Reader

Warnings: language, angst, Ez being an asshole, heartbreak, more angst 

*****************************************

Ezekiel couldn’t resist ogling Y/N from across the overly crowded bar. Cigar smoke filtrated throughout, pool cues ricocheted, and Y/N dawned that brilliant smile of hers. Her candied glimpse combined with her impeccably short dress, and irrevocably sexiness drove Ez to the brink of combustion. Ez perched an elbow against the wood bar top watching Y/N’s hypnotizing demeanor. She shot him a playful glance unwilling to draw her attention elsewhere than from the beautiful man across the room.

Her voice oozed of alcoholic flirtation as she bit her lower lip catching his interest and walking his way.

“Come here often, hotshot?”

There was no denying the sly chuckle that slipped off his lips; “Smooth line. How often does that one actually work?”

Her kittenish nature only stoked his fire lighting a fire in his belly.  

“Well…my boyfriend usually falls for it but he’s kinda into that cutesy bullshit. Come to think of it, you might know him. Tall, dark, and handsome? Ring any bells?”

Her insinuated attitude was driving him crazy. Unbeknownst to Y/N, his cock stirred in the confines of his jeans. She wanted to force his hand, compel to his more dominant side. His blood seethed as his eardrums hummed of desolate waves. Ez bit his tongue to stop the trickle of words begging to slink from his lips.

“Sounds like a sucker. Didn’t think a pretty chica like you to be taken? Such a shame.”

Y/N’s raised an eyebrow in curiosity wondering how much longer she could push him before he turned into putty.

“Now, now. I don’t appreciate you talking shit about my man. It’d be best if you watch yourself.”

Y/N excelled when a challenge presented itself.  Defiance buried in her very pitch as she scooted closer to the man in question. Now elbow to elbow, Y/N rested her cheek against her knuckles coyishly.

“Baby, if you keep smiling like that, my panties will be drenched before we have the chance to do a damn thing about it.”

Leaning closer in;” Please don’t fuck it up.”

“Oh, so you’re admitting I turn you on…make you wet?” There was no hiding the devilish grin cemented on his perfect face.

Her face furiously flushed at his choice words; “Most definitely, E. In all honesty, I’m not wearing underwear because matter of fact just looking at that gorgeous jawline of yours is way too much for my ovaries to handle.”

His tongue met the roof of his mouth creating a tsk sound reverberating from his mouth. Y/N rubbed her thighs together in hopes of alleviating her eccentric inner bits. Y/N pushed her falling tendrils from her face tilting her head his direction. Her hand made quick work caressing her inner breasts as Ez watched her chest beat rapidly.

“Mmmhm, and this girl is hoping her boyfriend just might be able to sneak away from his boys for a minute to properly fuck his girl. But I’d hate to force your hand….”

“I hope you know the punishment that ensues for this behavior baby girl…”

“Oh, so you admit you’ll punish me? God, I’ve been dying for you to fuck me all night. Finally, you got the hint, Prospect.”

Ezekiel chucked at her cleverness. He’d long fallen for the woman before him, but he appreciated the constant challenge she reciprocated time and time again.

“What are you trying to hint at, Y/N?”

“You know exactly what I want and you’re playing coy if you don’t.”

Y/N rested her hand atop his shoulder as his hand perched upon the dip of her luscious hip. Leaning in dangerously close, she trailed sleek kisses against the slick of his neck. Each smooth trailed upwards towards his ear as Y/N leaned in seductively close.

“It’s cute thinking you don’t want to fuck the shit out of me here. Your bashfulness never seizes to amaze me.”

Her hands grazed down his defined abs brutishly stroking the outer layer of his jeans.

“But your dick seems to tell another story.”

Ezekiel gazed around the room watching his brothers too distracted by pool cues and babes to notice their interaction laughing aloud.

“If you haven’t noticed I’m still their bitch boy and I can’t just slip away without someone noticing.”

“Oh, but I promise you won’t have to travel far. The bathrooms are only a few feet away. So, if you’re interested in fucking your super-horny girlfriend, meet me there in five minutes. If not, I’ll just have to do the job myself. But don’t worry, I’ll send you the video.”

“You’re such a goddamn brat, you know that? …” Ez moved his hand grazing his clothed crotch as a moan alluded her.

“Can’t you feel how hard I am for you right now? It turns you on, doesn’t it?”

“Oh yes, dear boyfriend. If you’re bating me then yes, I do want to fuck you here and now.”

“So quick to make demands when you’re in no position to do so. Shit, I can’t wait to nestle so fucking deep within you, to hear you begging for me. Someone needs to fuck the brat outta ya.”

“Oh, it’s so cute you think I’ll beg. My pussy is your haven, don’t forget that.”

Y/N added just an inch of space between their sweltering bodies unwilling to give into him so easily.

“So, I’ll take your erect cock as a yes. You know where I’ll be…”

Y/N walked by him dripping in her own seductive nature. Ez reached towards her gripping her arm in exchange; “You have no idea what I want to do to you.”

“Well guess you can prove it to me.”

“Oh, you tease….”

“That’s my name, don’t wear it out!”

“You little…”

“Brat? That’s right, only one person makes me act this way, feel this way and that person is you. So, whether you like it or not, deal with it.”

“Oh, I’ll deal with you alright. Soon enough you’ll be begging me to fuck you.”

“I completely intend on it. In fact, I’ll leave the ball in your court.”

Y/N sauntered past him making sure to graze her breasts against his trunk; “You know where I’ll be.” She winked his way hoping for Ez to catch her hint before walking towards the bathroom hoping the one person she’d hoped would follow. Ezekiel Reyes was genuinely her other half, someone who understood every intricate design she’d been allotted.

 Coco approached the Ez clasping his shoulder; “How are you the luckiest bastard outta all of us, Prospect? You get to tap that on the daily? Not fair cabrón.”

His angelic curls fell gently upon his forehead as that signature smirk of his appeared.

“In my defense, she’s a little shit that she tests my patience every damn day. But, yes, I gotta agree with you. I’m the luckiest bastard outta all of us.”

“So quit fuckin talking to me and go get yo girl, newbie.”

Ez nodded agreeing with Coco. He was torn between his club obligations and chasing after Y/N, his eyes bouncing back and forth.

“Don’t worry. I’ll cover you. 10 minutes… now go before I change my mind!”

“Thanks, brother. I owe you one.”

“Damn right you do, now go!”

His boots pounded against the wood; his strides picked up taking him quickly to his destination. Ez’s anticipation peaked as he neared the bathroom door rattling the handle. Ez stood dumbfounded to find the door locked…

“Querida, I know you’re in there. I’m gonna have to teach you a lesson, ain’t I?”

Y/N whispered back through the door; “I’m counting on it.”

The click of the door gave way unlocking as Ez stepped inside swiftly shutting the door behind him. He eyed Y/N like she was his last and final meal wanting to devour her from the outside in. The startled look in her misty eyes only excited him more. He stalked towards her; Y/N walked backwards in sync with him. Soon enough, the back of her thighs met the cold cabinet. Her skin crawled of goosebumps as her panting increased significantly.

“You bait me all night, wearing this ungodly short piece of fabric that barely covers anything on this gorgeous body of yours, and you have the audacity to talk shit?”

Electricity stifled their small quarters as Ez’s hands played with her hemline. Wet kisses tickled down her collar bone. Y/N tilted her head allowing Ez easier access. Torturously slow, Ez pressed the material upwards above her curvy hips revealing her bare pussy.

“No underwear. Glad to see you weren’t lying.”

Y/N slapped his chest in jest; “One thing I will never do is lie to you Ezekiel Reyes.”

“Yeah, yeah.”  

Only adding fuel to the fire, Y/N grasped his chin between her fingers forcing his gaze to remain on her and only her. She squeezed tightly enough to grab his fleeting attention.

“I don’t joke about that shit, E. I’ve never felt this way before. Don’t spoil it just yet.”

The crow’s feet near his eyes softened exhaling all the excess air loitering in his lungs. His infamous puppy dog looks triggered charging their electricity. Forgetting her momentarily exposure, Y/N closed the gap kissing him with every inch of might fathomable. She mustered every ounce of desire to which Ez gladly reciprocated.

Their moans intermingled as Ez tapped her thigh signaling to jump on the counter. Her legs spread unconscious creating the perfect amount of space for him to slide into. His hands travelled along her sides before finding home and squeezing the globes of her luscious ass.  Every dimple and indention turned him on. An illicit squeak was the only other sound accompanying their heavy breathing.

“Please, E.” A whiny undertone whirred to life.

“Please what? I’m right here.”

Her legs wrapped around his hips securely pulling him closer. His jeans rubbed deliciously against her exposed thighs only teasing her further.

“I want you. All of you, Ezekiel Reyes. Forever.”

Something unexplainable shifted in that moment as Ez gazed down at the girl pinned beneath him. For so long, he’d wanted this, dreamt of her, and now he wasn’t sure how to handle himself. The last time he gave himself so freely to another ended up burning him. Emily was his first love but Y/N, Y/N was his epic love. The twinkle in her eyes welcomed him time and time again silently begging for permission. Suddenly it wasn’t just about sex and pleasure but an opportunity of redemption.

“You feel it too, right?”

Y/N pulled back from his grasp embarrassed at her newfound honesty. “Ugh, I’m fucking it up, aren’t I? I didn’t mean for things to get so intense in a fucking bathroom of all places?”

Just as she moved to hop down, Ez stopped her. His this, this life he chose was no place for a woman like Y/N. And though his heart beat victoriously in his chest, Ezekiel knew what had to done. There was no way in hell he’d allow her to morph into his fucked-up life. He wanted to shout it to the rooftops; I’m in love with you too.

He was ripping at the seams dying to scream his unprofessed love but once again denying the beast within him. His silence was enough of an answer. Y/N frowned trying to hide the quiver of her chin. Looking away, Y/N furiously blinked hoping to will her unshed tears into oblivion. Her purity and compassion were too much at risk to sacrifice.

“Y/N….”

“No, don’t Ezekiel.”

“I think we want different things, things I can’t offer you.”

The rumbles in her chest cascaded violently like waves attacking a cliff. His rejection stung like ravenous bees.

“You can but you won’t. There’s a difference! God! I fall for this shit every time. You lure me back in and just when I break through your heavily guarded walls you pull back and shoo me away. How many times do you have to remind me you don’t want me, E?”

A lone tear streaked down her cheek. Sadness swallowed her whole plummeting to an unimaginable depth. His thumb inadvertently reached for the droplet but she flinched in the nick of time. Defeat coursed through his blood. His subconscious screamed for him to speak but nothing came out. Her words seared him, his own personal brand of pain. Calm down heart.

“Tell me you feeling nothing and I’ll never ask again.”

The somber quietness remained suffocating both parties. It was then that the truth finally dawned on him like boulders falling from the sky. Sometimes the hardest battle we fight is the battle within ourselves.

“Jeez, Ez. Guess I got my answer. Next time you have one of your urges, don’t call me, ever.”

Her warm palm pressed against his pectoral lightly shoving him. The minute distance was enough to destroy him. Her rejection simmered into her movements. With her strength fast depleting, Y/N craved fresh fall air. She stopped in place looking over her sunken shoulder; “It’s sad when someone you know becomes someone you knew. Have a nice life, Reyes.”

Now that she had nothing to lose, she was free. Free to mourn the love she so tragically denied. She distracted herself to save herself. After all, how often do we get a second chance…

~~~~~

Tags:  @twistnet @ifoundmyhappythought @angelreyesgirl89 @carlaangel86 @imagineredwood @gemini0410 @mayans-mc @reaperwalking @prospectfandom @emmaveale123 @peaky-marvel @kind-wolf @scorpio4dayzzz @starrynite7114 @penny4yourthot @breanime @thegirlwhowritesfics @star017 @threeminutesoflife @woahitslucyylu  @summertimesadnesswithadashofsass @blessedboo @lady-pswrld  @bigcreatorwombatdreamer​  @claytoncardenasbabymama @angelreyesgirl89 @cocotheclown​ @trulysuccubus @janeexo @itsjusttaralove @soaronmywings @bigcreatorwombatdreamer​ @sarai-ibn-la-ahad​ @starrynite7114​ @hermankopusortizorsumshite​ @fvckthisbxtchup​ @noz4a2​ @lharrietg 

[allmightluver]

Okay, I just have to say this. The way you dealt with the hate Anon 😱 YOUR AMAZING. Your actually somebody I want to be like, kind and respectful even to those who hurt you. You see the positive. Sometimes you just have to be a little nieve to see the good and that's fine. I don't personally think I have any strong mental illnesses so I can't say I relate to you just like a lot of people could, but I like to see you bringing positiveness even through your own demons. And when you react to all the asks that give love its just so adorable but sad at the same time. 🥺 I come here to soak up all your content and, as a younger person, gain a role model in the process while I can only give words of hopefully comfort and appreciation? It almost doesn't seem fair, but a lot of people say words carry meaning, so I hope you can find meaning in this rambling. ❤️

...ok this one broke me

Oh sweetie, you. You are so kind.

But

Personally, and this is going to sound cheesy and lame but, I look up to Toshinori. The amazingly good person he is. The kind of person who lives for everyone else instead of himself. He just freely loves and gives. He lives to help people. I want to be like him. He inspires me so much on a daily basis, inspires me to be a better person and. Well, grow up. I’m not saying I’m perfect at that all the time though heh

I can’t begin to describe how touched your words have left me. You have to forgive me, I’m really bad at this. I. Don’t want you to be like me. I want better for you. It doesn’t matter how medicated I am, those intrusive thoughts come, sit on my shoulder, and ask me why I’m still here, living. Would people care? Would my so called friends in real life cry? Would they get over it in a day or two’s time and then never think about me again? Who would notify all of you, the people that follow and interact with me, that I was no longer here? I know intrusive thoughts are normal, and some I can bat away and off my shoulder easily. But some make me pause and picture...things I’m not proud of. The truth is on the inside, I’m a deeply conflicted, afraid, and sometimes just outright dark person. The part of me you know is the one that I feel is me. But there’s that other half of me that twirls my world around.

I don’t want you to be like that, I want you to be happy. I genuinely don’t feel any hate for that anon, but the other me is daring me to follow their words. I don’t want you to deal with that! I’m happy that I can inspire you, so please take that and grow it! I hope you can excel where I fall short.

I think that’s why Toshinori is such an easy character for me to relate to, we both struggle with a lot of the same things. But you can be better! I know you can ❤️

Shoot, I didn’t mean to do that, sound all whiny and “poor me”. I just really want the best for you because you really touched me with your words. I don’t know you, at least not personally, and I’d love to! It, frightened me a bit when you said you wanted to be like me, because, well, I am me hah. I’m not perfect, I’ll be the first to admit that, but you and I can aspire to be better than we are now. I’ll root for you the best I’m able!

Thank you again 🙏❤️

[thede-vil]

✏️ + Candice & Lance

100% just using him for her own personal gain, at first. he doesn’t check any of her boxes on what she’s currently looking for in a partner aside from being hot, and that’s honestly because all the things on her checklist are shallow as hell. but when it comes to making angry internet geeks think she’s remotely likable he works. he’s sweet, people seem to like him for whatever reason, and he’s hands down not as privileged as she is – she can’t be a classist demon or whatever if some random likable poor guy wants to be around her.  so if her followers ask her what she thinks of lance, he’s perfect. if her friends ask her she won’t comment. 

definitely called him thief for a while. she knows his name, of course, but she was mad at him after their first interaction and wanted to remind him that he was on thin fucking ice with her. the first time she calls him by his name is in public, and once she’s done being annoyed with him she will call him lance all the time. i’m sorry, she’s not a nice person.

when she wants him to do something she pouts and calls him lancey in a little whiny voice to annoy him.

 he confuses her a lot? she’s used to people avoiding her or running away when she’s in one of her moods, but lance always kind of just….grins and makes some sort of joke. it’s like he has a death wish, and for some reason she’s curious about that. she won’t ever actually hurt him though. he entertains her too much for that. 

the first decent thing she does for him is take him shopping. it’s still a little selfish on her part because it’s for an event and he can’t just…show up dressed the way he dresses, that doesn’t work. so he’s got to get a wardrobe makeover if he’s temporarily going to be attached to her name. then it turns into something for her because he doesn’t put up a fight about it, and just lets her have her fun. 

she has never had any reason to set foot in the elephant graveyard and thinks that store is….a mistake. but lance works there and she has a nasty habit of just barging in on people unannounced. she hates being there with all those little goth losers breathing near her but she likes hanging out with lance and brings him nice lunches from fancy restaurants. it’s also a really good excuse to get out of the office when everyone is pissing her off. 

when she has her meltdowns at work and feels herself getting ready to flip desks over and throw things at her employees, she tries to find something to distract her and calm her down. if gaston isn’t available to talk, she calls lance. she can’t tell you when she starts to think he’s the person she wants to go to when she’s upset, but it’s definitely because he never judges her. he also makes her laugh. 

they’re not together. so he can see other people so long as everyone keeps their mouth shut and doesn’t ruin everything for her. she doesn’t like it though and once she sees how sweet lance is, she’s very protective of him. the only nightmare allowed around him is her, and anyone who just doesn’t measure up to her very high standards has to go. 

gonna be so embarrassed when she realizes she actually cares about him as more than a friend. she gave layla so much shit about tristan, and she can’t stomach the idea of being wrong…so a lot of avoiding the way she feels about him. a lot of pushing him away because she’s overall just scared of how he makes her feel, and what that means. she also doesn’t think she deserves someone as patient and kind as him in her life. 

when she finds out he likes to cook and is good at it she’ll make any excuse to let him cook for her. it’s a small thing, but she likes supporting people who have a gift, thinks it’s important to nurture those gifts and watch them grow. if he lets her she might pull some strings and try to get him an interview at a restaurant so he can begin working with actual chefs. 

tries to make him dinner one night to show him she appreciates him, and it’s all his favorites too. because yeah surprise! i do listen when you talk. but it doesn’t go well and she burns everything. she just ends up ordering dinner and pouts about her failures all night. 

she’s always known other kids had it far worse than she did. like boohoo rich girl’s parents don’t actually like her and tear her apart every second, she knows no one cares. but upon learning about how hard lance had it she starts to feel really awful. he’d been through so much but still tries to be a decent person, criminal activity aside. it’s the moment she starts to really appreciate and admire him. 

she’s a nightmare anytime there’s a new launch coming up because it’s just so much work and stress and nothing ever goes right. she completely forgets to plan an outfit for lance so she just snaps him one when he shows up, and that’s how he finds out about her powers. she doesn’t want to talk about it. 

he gets to travel with her when she goes on business trips. now that the island is letting people come and go she can actually work on expanding the business past just an online reach. he’s welcome to come with her on all these trips, because fake boyfriend, but also traveling the world with someone she doesn’t hate sounds kind of nice. 

[sindrafalcone]

This might be long so please bear with me. I'm sorry you didn't get the response you were hoping for with your latest scenario. I've noticed this with a lot of writers after they come back from a long hiatus. I ask that you consider a few things before giving up hope: recognize that you haven't written in a while (for good reason) and that some of your followers may no longer be active on tumblr. VIP fandom is pretty quiet right now, especially on tumblr. 1/6

I personally don't even search the scenario tags for Big Bang anymore because there is rarely any new content. I'll admit I didn't read your latest piece until I saw your post about being discouraged and felt bad. I'm not crazy about the Nannyverse (please don't hate me it's just not my cup of tea!) and tend to skip updates on it, but after reading it, it could be a standalone oneshot. 2/6      I appreciate that you tackled things that writers typically don't, because I feel like Seunghyun would/does suffer from body image issues. Usually with scenarios involving him it's very one-note and people don't bother to explore anything outside of his domineering T.O.P persona. So thank you for that. And as usual it was well-written and easy to visualize the scene you created so please don't think you've gotten rusty or anything! 3/6Which brings me to notes on scenarios. Fanfic is free & feedback is important to authors in order to keep content flowing, we as readers should know & respect that. I find it easier to give "notes" on sites like AO3. I can read the story & leave a kudo whether I'm logged in or not. I use the Likes system on tumblr as an archive so I don't usually "like" scenarios unless they blow me away & I plan to read it multiple times. That sounds super harsh, but it's how I keep my account organized 4/6On tumblr I prefer to write to the author (like I'm doing now) to let them know what I liked about the story. That way I'm doing my part as a reader, but it's still a double-edged sword because the notes on the post don't change and I know they’re important to authors. I always feel guilty about that, but there's no real anonymity option on tumblr besides writing feedback this way so I feel stuck. 5/6         ANYWAY, what I'm trying to say is that: your writing is still amazing; VIP fandom on tumblr is dead;  maybe you can explore options like AO3 (crossposting your work?) to reach a larger audience. Also, your first 5 tags on a post are the most important so make sure you're hitting active/relevant tags first. I hope that made sense and was helpful in some way. Please don't be discouraged, and I look forward to reading more of your work! 6/6            

Whew! That’s... a lot. lol So, I’ll stick my reply under a cut because it will probably also be a lot.

I realize that I was just being needy and whiny with my post. I know that the VIP tumblr fandom is dead right now. Almost every piece of writing that I’ve put up for the past year has maybe 25 notes max. So, I knew it was coming... I just didn’t expect it to be (essentially) just one note.  

I don’t hate anyone for their reading preferences. That’s why there’s so many different kinds of literature out there... something for everyone! Slow burn, domestic bliss romance is not everyone’s cup of tea & I totally get that. Please don’t feel bad for not reading it if that’s not the type of thing you like. But I do give you credit for trying it out anyway. Thanks for that!

I am working on transferring (most) everything over to Ao3. https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sindra_Falcone/works

Unfortunately for you, I’ve started with The Nanny. (Sorry about that!) But I hope to get it all over there eventually. Although I find that Ao3 seems to be geared more toward shipping fics & less reader fics. (If that makes any sense?) So I don’t know how much interaction they’ll get there either.

And I do understand what you mean about tumblrs notes system. You’re actually smarter than I am, using it to keep things organized.  I’d never thought of that & now I wish I had! lol So, yeah... that makes reader feedback limited, unfortunately.

Thank you very much for your reassurance that I haven’t lost the touch completely. I can’t help but wonder sometimes, ya’ know? I think the next oneshot is going to be Jiyong. (I’ll try posting it both places & see what happens.) I’ve been itching to write him again for a while. It’s just I have a tendency to go back to Nannyverse because it’s familiar... comfortable. I really do need to branch out though.

I want you to know, anon, that I am extremely appreciative for this ask. It’s given me some perspective & encouragement.

[silvernightwalker]

Distractions

Warnings: smut in the end (sort of lol) tiny bit of angst.

Logan is having a bit of a problem and eventually tells Thomas. Obviously things don't go the way Logan's wants it, but luckily we have our sweet dad to fix it!

Pair: Logan x Patton with a slight Prinxiety (maybe I'll write their story another time lol)

▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪

"Thomas? Can I please have a second of your time?", Logan asked, pushing his glasses further up his nose with his finger. Thomas almost dropped his cup of coffee he just made. "Oh my goodness Logan! What are you doing?? I'm not at home right now!". Only Joan and Talyn knew the Sides were real, not fictional and Thomas rather kept it that way. Logan looked around him. "Oh apologies for the inconvenience. And my compliments again on the new office. It looks very satisfactory to the idea I had".

Thomas chuckled. "It's based on your idea. But I couldn't go through with everything since some parts weren't...realistic". Logan snorted, something he didn't do much and Thomas gave him a look. "My ideas are always realistic, Thomas. I strive for your wellbeing and meeting the deadlines".

"Logan, what has a hot tub to do with deadlines? You lost me there".

Logan's expression was almost hilarious. "A...what?".

"A hot tub!", Patton exclaimed cheerful, rising up next to Logan and poked him in his waist. The logical trait let out a sound that was between a giggle and a cry. Thomas and Patton looked at him in wonder, Patton's face lightening up like the sun. Before anyone could react Logan sank out with the excuse to do some 'work'.

"Ahhh, I was looking forward to have some cuddles with him", Patton pouted. Thomas eyebrows shot up to his hairline. "Cuddles?? You do realize you all are merely sides of me? How do you...what...", Thomas said with clear confusion on his face. Patton smiled.

"We might not be able to interact psychically with each other on camera, but we surely can in the mindscape. And Logan is the only one who rejects any kind of touching. He even seems to...avoid me".

The dad figure got a sad look on his face and Thomas nodded in understanding. "And you have no idea why? I have been feeling a bit odd recently. Are you two fighting?". Patton shook his head. "Not at all. Things like what just happened occur frequently and he seems to...shut down and almost run away. I tried to talk, but he won't let me...".

His shoulders drooped and he looked down at his feet. Thomas gently squeezed his shoulder and felt the familiar static spark that made them part immediately. Still, Patton liked it when Thomas took the effort to calm him down and make him feel better by touching him.

"I'm sorry, Thomas...I don't mean to bother you at work..."

"It's alright, Pat. Don't you worry. Do you want me to talk to Logan tonight?".

Patton looked up. "Would you do that for me?". Thomas smiled.

"Everything for my favorite dad", he said and winked. Patton chuckled. "Don't let your real dad hear you". After that he sank out with his Patton-ish smile. Thomas shook his head.

"You know...if I hadn't known, I'd say you're absolutely crazy, talking to yourself".

"Joan, if there's anyone crazy it's definitely you", Thomas snorted, turning around to see his best friend Joan. They smirked. "At least I don't have date with myself tonight"...

.... .... .... .... .... .... .... .... .... .... .... .... .... ....

That night Thomas sat down on the couch and summoned Logan. The logical trait immediately rose up and corrected his glasses. "You called, Thomas?".

Thomas nodded. "Yes I have. Listen, buddy, we need to talk. There's something bothering me and I believe it leads to you".

Logan looked a bit disappointed, probably at himself and sat next to Thomas. "What did I do wrong? I believe I've been functioning well enough for you to not bother you in any kind of way. I even compliment Roman on his work every now and then".

Thomas shook his head. "You haven't done anything wrong. I just feel a bit odd and I already had a talk with..a certain side, who said they were fine. But they seemed to notice you're a bit tense lately. And it worries them".

Logan frowned. "Why would Virgil come to you instead of me?".

Thomas blinked. Was Logan really that easy in thinking that everything related to worry came from Virgil?

"Is there something wrong, Logan? You know you can talk to me about anything, right?".

The glasses were again corrected and the nerd sighed. "Will you please promise me not to talk about it with the other sides?".

Thomas nodded and bit his lip to hide a smile when Logan held out his pinky. He definitely had that from Patton. He linked their fingers and quickly took his hand back again.

"Were do I start? I believe the right pronounce is that I'm...having feelings. And I'm...extremely sensitive with physical touches".

Thomas tried to process the information, which was very vague. "What do you mean by having feelings? What kind of feelings? And sensitive? As in pain?".

Logan shook his head. "I can't exactly tell you what it is, since I don't know it myself. And the sensitivity is not pain. It's...ticklish. My armpits, legs, waist, neck, feet, chest...even my ears".

Thomas' eyes widened and he gasped in understanding. "So that's why you're avoiding Patton!".

Logan blushed, not even realizing he did it and narrowed his eyes. "Patton? What has he got to do with it?", he asked and was quiet for a moment. "It does seem to happen a lot with him. It makes me all warm and nervous...".

Thomas looked at him. "You're avoiding him, because he tickles you?".

Logan nodded and then shook his head. "He...gives me feelings".

"What kind of feelings?", Thomas asked curiously.

Logan bit his lip and took his glasses off, something he rarely did. "I...don't know...I wish I did. It makes me feel stupid and unknowing".

"Describe it? That's something you're really good at", Thomas encouraged him. Logan nodded. "He makes me feel warm and gives me this nervous feeling in my stomach. And I want him to touch me, but I easily get tickled and I hate it". He moved closer to Thomas and whispered: "I once saw him without shirt and I felt so weird and...something buzzed through my body. An unknown emotion".

Thomas mouth fell open. "Logan...how...what...I didn't know my sides could...fall in love with each other?".

Immediately all kinds of spluttering noises came out from the logical side and he shook his head fiercely. "That's not it! It can't be. We are simply aspects of the mind, Thomas. We don't have those kind of feelings or-"

"-experience lust? Arousal? Because that's what you just described, Logan", Thomas said with disbelief. "Are you seriously...getting horny by seeing another side? That's...so weird, but also extremely interesting!".

While Thomas was talking about all kinds of scenarios, Logan was in total panic and chaos. Love? Lust?! What was he talking about? He was completely lost. Naming the solar system or solving a scientific problem was easily done, but talking about feelings was an...unknown territory.

"We should call Roman for help! He knows what to do!", he suddenly heard Thomas say.

"NO!!", Logan roared, half panic, half angry. Thomas immediately backed down, almost looking scared. "Apologies...I...please don't tell any other sides about this. I can't handle that...", he said, this time more gently and collected again.

Thomas sighed. "Logan...you need to get this off your chest. You need to talk to Patton about this. It will really help you in moving forward and maybe it will even help in your ticklish sensitivity".

Logan snorted. "Are you insane? What should I tell him? Hi, I'm Logan and I'm in love with you and lusting after your body. Please help me".

Thomas almost choked. "No! Of course not! You should bring it subtle and careful. I'm sure Patton will understand, since he's basically the embodiment of feelings and he will definitely not get angry. Trust me on that, Logan".

Said man whimpered and buried his hands in his hair. "I can't be in love with him...I just can't...I don't do icky feelings or physical touches. It would distract me and I would lose focus on my job".

Thomas raised an eyebrow.

"What?".

"Patton knows how serious you are. Tell. Him! Make up with him. I don't wanna feel like this any longer. You seem to forget that I'm the one who eventually needs to endure all these conflicts and happiness through emotions. It's hard, Logan. You should understand. I've felt distracted too, but in a nerve wracking....Virgil! He can help you!".

Logan sighed. "Only if he swears to not tell anyone". Thomas chuckled. "That he can do. Virgil!!", he called and got a completely disheveled anxiety with swollen, wet lips and half naked.

All three of them started screaming and Virgil immediately sank out again.

"What on earth!", Logan cried out, his heart beating fast. That was very weird!

"What happened to him?", he gasped and Thomas blushed. "One reason why I was feeling weird. I believe you're not the only one who's experiencing lust".

Soon after that Roman appeared, his prince outfit poorly put on and his hair also a mess, just like Virgil.

"I truly love you, Thomas, but I would appreciate if you'd give us a warning before you summon any of us. We are sometimes...very busy".

He cleared his throat and noticed Logan. "Obviously mr. Specula here has something to do with it".

He crossed his arms in front of his chest, his muscles visble through the fabric. "Virgil is unable to assist for now, so I will. What is the matter, Thomas?".

Their host looked at Logan, waiting for his approval. "Fiiiinee", he said in a whiny voice. Thomas laughed before he got serious again. "Tell me. Does...Roman make you feel the same as you know who?".

Logan and Roman both made a face. "Are you comparing me to Voldemort?", he asked offended.

Logan sighed. "First of all: no. I have my...how do you call it? Type? Taste? Second, why would I fall for a dramatic and obnoxious person as him?? You surely forget who's in front of you, Thomas".

Roman perked up. "You have someone you like?? Are you in love? Oohhhhh boy! It can be only one, since Deceit is not much around us".

He smirked wickedly and stepped forward, poking him in his chest. He earned a small giggled and a slap in his face.

"OW! What was that for?! Pat!! Help me, Logan is hurting me!", he whined and immediately the father figure appeared.

"WHO'S HURTING WHO?!", he yelled and Logan groaned. How was this colliding so quickly. That why he didn't like Roman. It always got dramatic.

"Patton! Excellent, you're here. You and Logan need to talk. No Lo, don't you dare run away. Patton, take him with you and tell me what you told me. Roman, go back to...whatever you're doing. And make sure you use condoms!", Thomas commanded all of them and Patton turned around with wide eyes. "You two finally did it??". Roman blushed and ducked his head. "Y-yeah...sort of...WE WERE IN THE MIDDLE OF IT, OKAY?!". He quickly sank out and Patton squealed. "Oohhh boy! I can't wait to talk to Virge! He told me how badly he had it for Roman, but he was always held back by his anxiety. Really, people shouldn't be holding back from loving each other. No matter the circumstances". He looked at Logan with a warm smile.

Talk, Thomas mouthed at Logan and disappeared into the kitchen, mumbling something about himself having sex with himself. He had to talk to Joan...

Patton gently took Logan's hand and together they sank out into Patton's room.

What was gonna happen now? Logan didn't know and was scared. Really scared. But as soon as he entered Patton's room, his nerves were calmed down by the calm vibes.

He was led towards the bed and sat down next to the moral trait. His hand was gently held and a thumb gently rubbed the back if his hand. It was a nice feeling and he felt weird flutters in his stomach. He looked up, meeting Patton's stare.

"Logan...what is going on in that big brain of yours? I can't get any sense of it and you seem to avoid me. Please, I beg you to trust me. You're safe here. I promise". Patton's big, brown eyes looked into his own, silently asking to open up to him.

Here goes everything.

"I'm very ticklish and in love with you. Or so it seems", he blurted out and Patton blinked when the rapid words hit him.

"And I know you don't feel the same. I know you love to touch people and have a physical bond with us, but your touch is so gently that it tickles. And it drives me insane. I once saw you without shirt and I felt so hot and couldn't focus on my work for the rest of the week", he continued and Patton quickly slapped a hand over Logan's mouth.

"Just...give me a moment, alright? It's...two things at once. Which isn't bad, but I need to think for a moment. First of all...you love me? You have actual feelings for me?". Patton's voice got this glimpse of hope and he bit his lip.

Logan nodded after a small silence. "I have for a while now. But until this night I had no idea what it was. I'm still very confused. Thomas told me it's combined with arousal and lust".

Patton blushed and giggled. "Well, I can do something about that". He moved a bit closer so their legs were touching each other. Logan swallowed and tried to move away, but Patton shushed him.

"Logan? Can you look at me please?".

Said man hesitated before he looked up. He bit his lip, the action automatically drawing Patton's eyes to them. He put a hand on his leg, slowly sliding up. "Does this tickle?".

Logan shook his head. "N-not really. I'm...a bit distracted". Patton nodded in understanding and slowly slid his hand between his thighs. "How about this?", he asked, licking his lips and Logan could barely hold a moan back. "P-please", he whispered. "Please what? You should be clear to me, Lo".

"I don't know what I want. But I need you. Please. So badly".

Patton didn't hesitate and moved forward, pressing his lips gently against Logan's. Their eyes closed and even tho is was a bit clumsy at first, they slowly started opening up. The kiss became more passionate, more heated and as soon as Patton's tongue slipped between his lips and inside his mouth...

Logan came hard. In his pants. He moaned loud, his body tensing and grabbing Patton's shoulders while his hips pressed into the hand of the man he loved so much. Patton could feel him tensing up and rubbed the obvious bulge in his pants hard to give him the friction he needed so badly.

"P-Patton! Oh dear me...I-I...sorry", he could barely say. Patton laughed softly, kissing his now swollen lips. "It's more than alright, my sweet and amazing Lo. This was your first time being touched and kissed and you clearly needed it", Patton explained and stroked his cheek. Logan's breath slowly returned to normal and he pushed Patton on his back on the bed, his hand slowly reaching down to feel Patton's arousal.

They held eye contact, which was very tense (in a good way) and intimate. When Logan cupped the hardness and started rubbing, Patton slowly changed into a whimpering mess. Their lips automatically found each other and the sweet sounds of pleasure filled the room.

Suddenly they felt a tug and they appeared in the living room, Logan still holding Patton. They froze and slowly looked up, seeing Thomas with an now empty cup, his juice now all over de floor.

"GUYS! I said make up, not make out and have sex immediately!".

Oops.

@fandermom to cheer you up 😊

[artificialqueens]

It's Christmas Time, I Hate My Life! And Santa Doesn't Even Pay Me Overtime (Biadore) - Sammy Indigo

A/N: You asked for some Biadore, I give you some Biadore. Also, I was recently inside of a Santa’s Grotto when Santa was absent, and I found a vape pen taped to a bottle of methadone in his throne cushion. So, yeah.

Bianca was fairly certain that this was the worst day of her whole goddamn life.

And she’d lived through Katrina.

Well, perhaps she was being dramatic.

Someone she didn’t know walked past her, and on their way towards the other end of the hallway, flicked the bell on the end of her hat, and giggled. Bianca glared at them. Perhaps she was not being quite so dramatic.

“I am going to kill you, Adore.” She gritted out from between her teeth. “Mark my words. You will die today.”

“Alright, alright, little helpers!” Alyssa called. “Let’s line up, ready for Santa.”

Bianca stood against the wall, opposite Adore. “Kill you.” She mouthed. “Going to kill you.”

“Hey, Bianca.” Alyssa, the self-proclaimed ‘Head Elf’, called from across the hall. “Can we make your smile more of a ‘happy grin’ and less of a ‘murderous grimace’?”

Adore popped her gum. “Nah, she’s doing her best, Alyssa. Promise.”

Alyssa rolled her eyes and jotted something down on her clipboard. “Okay, well how ‘bout, you and Bianca take printing duty? I want her interacting with the public as little as possible.”

Adore nodded, dutifully. “No problem, Miss Alyssa.” She adjusted her elf hat on her head. “Come on, Bee, let’s go get set up before the kiddos come.” She grabbed Bianca’s hand and began pulling her towards the small booth away from Santa’s Grotto where the monitors were set up with the photo printers.

“Oh, and Adore, honey!” Alyssa shouted. “Don’t leave her alone, huh? I feel like she might torch the place.”

Glaring, Bianca allowed herself to be pulled away by Adore.

“I can’t believe that I let you talk me into this.” She hissed. “I’m dressed as an elf, Adore.”

“So am I.”

“Yeah, but you’re you. And I’m me.” Bianca said, allowing herself to be pushed into the printing booth. “This is humiliating.”

“No, it’s not.” Adore said, pulling out a candy cane from her elf dress pocket. “It’s fun. We’re Santa’s helpers!” She held out the candy cane to Bianca.

Bianca batted it out of her hand and onto the ground. “Our individual ideas of ‘fun’ are very different.”

“Don’t be a Grinch, Bee.”

Bianca fell into a chair at the back of the booth. “I really don’t think I can do this. I’m not cut out for joy.”

“Are you cut out for making twenty eight dollars an hour, because if you slap a smile on your face and hand the parents a picture of their kid meeting Darienne in a beard and red suit, then that’s what you’ll get.”

“If I weren’t two weeks late on rent, I’d shove this fuckin’ hat down Miss Head Elf’s throat and-,”

“And what?” Alyssa interrupted, shoving her head through the booth’s curtain.

Bianca snapped her mouth shut.

“Oh no, Miss Thing,” Alyssa said, stepping into the booth and putting her hands on her hips, “don’t stop on my account.”

Looking over at Adore, and seeing how concerned she looked at the confrontation, Bianca reminded herself that this was a job, that for some unfathomable reason, Adore loved, and she shouldn’t put it in jeopardy just because of her hatred for it. Alyssa tapped her foot. It took everything Bianca had not to snap at her.

“Nothing.” She said, instead. “I didn’t say anything.”

“Mmhm.” Alyssa looked her up and down. “That’s what I thought.” She turned to Adore. “Miss Adore, baby, keep an eye on this one. First of the chillens will be here in about twenty. You know the drill.”

Adore nodded, quickly. “Upsell.” She said, proudly. “Key chains, snow globes, tree decorations. Twenty dollars each. Two for thirty dollars. Or all three for forty.”

“Good girl.” Alyssa beamed. She turned to Bianca and the smile dropped. “Behave.”

Bianca waved her fingers at her as she left. “Bye Miss Alyssa.” She crowed sweetly. The curtain fell to indicate her dramatic exit and Bianca rolled her eyes. “What a bitch.”

“Stop it.” Adore said, beginning to boot up the printers. “She’s actually sweet. You just hate her because she’s happy.”

“Actually, I hate her because she forced me into wearing this ridiculous costume.”

Adore shrugged, setting out the customisable tree decorations with stock photos inside. “I think you look very cute.”

“Well thank you, Elf number 6.” Bianca crossed her arms. “I appreciate that.”

“Doesn’t sound like you do.” Adore muttered.

“That’s because I was being sarcastic, dummy.”

“Santa’s elves aren’t mean, Bee.” She hung a bauble with a stock photo of a small child meeting Santa inside of it from the top of the booth.

“Well excuse the fuck outta me for not feeling the most festive.” Bianca huffed. “I’m wearing shoes with bells on for fuck’s sake.”

Adore continued to set up the booth, checking the monitors and the tills dutifully, all the while choosing not to reply to Bianca. She leaned over her to switch on the twinkly Christmas lights strung around the booth.

“Okay.” Bianca said. “You’re mad.”

Adore didn’t look at her. “I’m not mad.”

“You’re mad at me, Dorey.”

“I’m not.”

“You are.” Bianca sighed. “But you’re also wearing fake ears, so it’s a little difficult for me to take you seriously.”

Adore whipped around to face her. “It’s just, well, I like this job. I like making the kids happy, and you’re ruining it.” She frowned. “Why do you always have to be so negative about everything?”

Bianca blinked. “I’m not negative about everything.”

“You are.” Adore said. “Since arriving in the North Pole, you’ve done nothing but complain.”

“We’re in Oakville Mall.”

“And I put my reputation as a responsible elf on the line to get you this gig.”

“Not really a ‘gig’.”

“And I feel as though you just don’t appreciate it.” Adore’s mouth turned down. “I feel like you don’t appreciate me.”

“No, Dorey, no.” Bianca stood up and quickly rushed over to her. “That’s not true.” She put a hand on each of her shoulders. “Listen to me, I hate everything.”

“See! Being negative.”

“No, shut up.” Bianca interrupted, putting a finger over her lips. “I haven’t finished. Listen.” She sighed. “I hate almost everything. You know this. I hate people who walk too slow on the street, I hate children who cry, I hate guys who spread their legs on the subway, I hate that one lady in the bookstore who smiles too much,”

Adore watched as Bianca ranted, amused.

“I hate when I have to share an elevator with someone,” Bianca continued, “I hate the movie Jurassic Park, even though everyone insists it’s great, I don’t even like chocolate that much to be honest,” she sagged against Adore, running her hands down her arms to take her hands in hers, “but, Adore, I love you.”

Adore beamed.

“I do.” Bianca said with certainty. “I literally hate everything, except you.” She smirked. “You’re the one thing I can stand to be around for any longer than five minutes.”

“Aww, Bee. You do have a heart.” Adore kissed her cheek.

“Yeah, well, don’t go around telling everyone.” Bianca kissed her. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry if I made you feel bad. I didn’t mean to.” She sighed. “I’ll try and be more positive.”

“At least try and smile when the kids come over?” Adore asked. “It’s the holidays.”

“I promise.” Bianca said, squeezing her hand. “I’ll try.”

“That’s all I ask, little Elfie.”

………………..

“I thought you were going to try and be happy?” Adore asked, hand on hip, foot tapping. She cocked an eyebrow at Bianca. “I go to the bathroom for five minutes and you get fired.”

“In my defence, Alyssa is a bitch.”

“She said you called a little boy a ‘whiny brat’.

Bianca huffed. “Well he was.”

“He was seven.”

“And a whiny brat.”

Adore took off down the hallway. “There’s no hope for you. No hope.”

“See you at home?” Bianca called.

“You better have pizza waiting for me or you’re sleeping on the couch.”

“Noted.”

[glassandmetalwings]

I’m just gonna vent some stuff now that I’m home, okay? Just to get it out of my head? Like, it’s not a recommended read or targeting anyone, it’s just this train of thought I get all the time and I hope by writing it out it holds less power over me.

There’s just something about rp memes especially that just...give me this sense I’m unwanted? Like I’ll reblog all sorts of memes at different times of day, and I’m usually lucky if I get one ask to show for it-even symbol memes, like those ‘send me X and I tell you *insert headcanon thing here or whatever*’.

I’m not perfect at it, but if people reblog a symbol meme that’s more headcanon/worldbuilding focused, I try to send people a symbol, because it’s not like our muses have to interact for it and it makes people feel good to get something. And it just makes me wonder....why the same doesn’t happen for me. It’s not that hard to send a symbol, is it? And it would make my day if at least one person saw the symbol and did it-our muses don’t have to interact at all. We don’t have to plot. So why doesn’t it happen?

The one thing I can be grateful for is that very few people reblog memes from me anymore. It happens from time to time, but even then it’s like a blog that doesn’t follow me from a fandom I’m not in.

What DOES bother me, though, more than it should...

There are a couple of different people (again, this is my no means hate or to start drama) that see me post a meme, and they immediately go to the source and reblog it too. Which I really CAN’T complain about, because they’re doing exactly as I asked: reblogging from the source if they can’t think of anything to send me. So technically they’re respecting my wishes, and technically I appreciate that...

But then my depression kicks in and makes things a pain.

Because those people tend to get asks where I don’t. And their followers reblog it from them and they get asks, and it often turns into these big mini-events...and I still get nothing.

Sometimes I even try to toss my muse in with some little dash commentary to get me involved, and that most might get a like or two...but still no asks and no reply to the dash commentary post. And so even though everything went right according to what I requested, I can’t help but feel...like there’s a message I’m missing.

That I’m not wanted.

And my depression takes it further by saying it’s my fault for not reacting out. For not holding IM convos, or using Skype or Discord. Because I give no one any reason to want to talk with me. Heck, sometimes it goes so far as to tell me I’m a bad writer with pointless muses that people pity play with.

And no matter what I do, I can’t shake it. I try to write opens, or reblog introduction memes...and it’s always that same story. And I’m scared to say anything because I already think I sound like a whiny bitch, and I’d send stuff but I already feel like I’m forcing my muses on people who want nothing to do with them-no matter what they say.

...I’m just a whiny/insecure bitch, aren’t I?

[sweetsweetnathan]

Top five favorite characters.

This is definitely a question that will reveal a lot about me, so I hope that’s what you’re looking for ;P It’s going to get really fucking long, so I’ll store it beneath a cut so it doesn’t destroy anyone’s dash.

I’m doing these in ascending order, so #5 is least most favorite and #1 is most most favorite. I feel it’s important to say than since #5 is a character that is going to make a lot of people roll their eyes (as is #4, frankly).

#5 - Holden Caulfield from the Catcher in the Rye

Waitwaitwait, don’t leave just yet! I have tried to explain why I like this character to people I go to school with, and they barely let me finish a sentence before reminding me that he’s a whiny brat with well-off parents who spends the whole book wallowing in self-imposed misanthropy. 

These are not the reasons why I like him!

Although I do feel it’s worth pointing out that he’s barely more than a child (he’s 16, which is the age of consent where I’m from, but by no means “adulthood” anywhere), lost his younger brother at an even younger age, witnessed a suicide, and he does in fact live in a world that is extremely alienating to people who are opposed on principle to conformity. But even these are not the reasons why I like him! I like him structurally, as a character in a book, way more than I like him as a person. In fact, I’d go as far as to say that the book doesn’t want you to like him. It wants you to pity him.

Allow me to share a passage with you to explain myself better:

Anyway, I kept walking and walking up Fifth Avenue, without any tie on or anything. Then all of a sudden, something very spooky started happening. Every time I came to the end of a block and stepped off the goddam curb, I had this feeling that I'd never get to the other side of the street. I thought I'd just go down, down, down, and nobody'd ever see me again. Boy, did it scare me. You can't imagine. I started sweating like a bastard—my whole shirt and underwear and everything. Then I started doing something else. Every time I'd get to the end of a block I'd make believe I was talking to my brother Allie. I'd say to him, "Allie, don't let me disappear. Allie, don't let me disappear. Allie, don't let me disappear. Please, Allie." And then when I'd reach the other side of the street without disappearing, I'd thank him.

Holden is a kid given to sudden panic and fatalistic thinking. There’s something in his subconscious telling him that his life is fragile, that it can be taken away at any moment. Suddenly everything can change and what you thought was safe and innocent can be threatened and defiled. This is an existential crisis without a readily apparent inciting incident (though it has one, we’ll get to that). The Catcher in the Rye isn’t a story with an especially noticeable structure-- we’re not on a journey to destroy the One Ring, blow up the Death Star, or defeat any villain really. Holden is trying to get home. The obstacles he encounters aren’t necessarily trying to stop him from doing that, but they’re obstacles nonetheless. Why? Not because the universe is conspiring against him, and not because there’s an all-powerful villain threatening him with destruction. The obstacles come completely from Holden himself.

So why is it that the Catcher in the Rye can get away with this? On paper a character piece about someone taking the long way home one shitty night sounds like the description of countless Creative Writing 1 school projects, not literary classics. How does Salinger make it work?

The answer is in the prose itself, which like the obstacles is possessed entirely by the main character. Let’s examine this passage:

My brother Allie had this left-handed fielder's mitt. He was left-handed. The thing that was descriptive about it, though, was that he had poems written all over the fingers and the pocket and everywhere. In green ink. He wrote them on it so that he'd have something to read when he was in the field and nobody was up at bat. He's dead now.

Look at each sentence: “My brother Allie had this left-handed fielder’s mitt. He was left-handed.” It’s obvious after reading it that he’s talking about his dead brother in past-tense. What’s the big deal there? He talks about the whole damn story in past-tense, because he’s telling it long after it happened. How is this significant?

Well, the last line is “He’s dead now.” Not “He died”, but “he is dead”. So the whole book we’re reading past-tense lines. But this one, out of all of them, is present-tense. And because of that sudden shift we regard it differently. Allie’s death isn’t something that happened in the past. His being dead is something that’s happening in the present. It’s the reminder that this is a story Holden is telling, which solidifies the illusion that Holden is real. Holden is not real-- Salinger, the writer, is real, and Holden is made up. But when Holden has the dimensionality of having both memories of the past and feelings of the present, he seems more real than another, living person. It illustrates the beauty of prose writing: Movies can give us spectacle, and visuals which evoke emotional depth that words can’t. Games give us agency and interactivity to act as ourselves or as someone else in a situation that is alien to us. Prose gives us no visuals, and affords us no agency. What it gives us is the opportunity to see the world through someone else’s eyes. And Holden Caulfield will always be one of my favorite characters for exemplifying that.

#4 - Luke Skywalker from Star Wars

After all that, Holden is beat out by Luke? 

Yes, but listen: Holden I like for professional reasons. Luke I like for personal reasons. See, I have some anger problems. The causes are as numerous as they are complex, and not very interesting. The bottom line is that my emotions are pretty untrustworthy. I actually dislike when people say that a space is dedicated to letting people feel their feelings uninhibited. What if my feelings are violent and hateful? What if without inhibition, I become the kind of person I hate? I have seen things that I wish I could unsee, things that I hate. Being told to let go of that hate feels like being told to permit evil to exist in the world. I cannot abide that. There are certain behaviors that I will oppose no matter the situation. Through this I put myself in an awkward situation: Everyone who doesn’t feel this way begins to look complicit in the wrongdoings of the world. Focus too long on what makes you unhappy, and happiness seems like an unnatural luxury. Feed anger too much, and you forget how to feel anything else. This is what’s called the “Dark Side”.

Luke struggles against the Dark Side. How could he not? His family was taken from him by a system that exploits and murders with impunity. He took the fight to his enemy and destroyed their greatest weapon-- but they’re still not defeated. In the Empire Strikes Back, Luke is terribly impatient to seize the powers of the Jedi. He wants to win. He wants the Empire destroyed. Anything in his way is wasting his time.

When we see him again in Return of the Jedi, he is as close to the Dark Side as a person can be. He walks into a gang leader’s palace, strangles his guards, mind controls his adviser, and pulls a gun on said gang leader. When the gang leader takes offense to all this, Luke promises him death if he doesn’t submit to Luke’s demands. Luke is indulging in every wrathful instinct he has. But he knows that what he’s doing isn’t right. He meets Vader and the Emperor expecting to turn Vader away from this same behavior, but the Emperor has concocted a situation where only might can make right. 

If I was given the opportunity to decide between offering patience to the evil people I’ve met, and killing them without consequence, I don’t know if I’d make the choice Luke made. His story is fantastical, but to me it feels very real. It’s a story about finding balance. One has to act to stop bad things from happening. But one must also restrain themselves, or become one of those bad things.

#3 Guts from Berserk

So I just talked about anger problems and the Dark Side and all that, so you’re probably thinking, “Oh, Guts is that, but just like...more.”

And okay, that’s a little true. A find that in Guts a lot too. But similar to Holden, I’d like to take a moment to appreciate the literary structure Guts is constructed with as well. None of his empathetic qualities would mean anything without this structure. If he’s not going somewhere, then he is just the angry, violent stereotype of a manly man that solves all his problems through violence that people stereotype him as.

So let me introduce you to Booker’s Seven Basic Plots:

Going to an art school has resulted in me feeling that it’s necessary to spend some time justifying the existence of a textbook about structure. So I’m going to detour away from Guts in order to do that.

To keep a literal textbook’s worth of storytelling analysis very short, the seven basic plots are not meant to be the only plots that should exist, or even the only plots that do exist. They are an incredibly versatile sets of story frameworks. Allow me to explain by comparing two stories that share one of these seven plots: Crime and Punishment and the Catcher and the Rye.

These two stories are “Rebirth Plots”, and Rebirth Plots are comprised of five elements:

Falling Stage: A young hero or heroine falls under the shadow of the dark power.

Recession Stage: For a while, all may seem to go reasonably well. The threat may even seem to have receded.

Imprisonment Stage: Eventually the threat returns in full force, until the hero/heroine is seen imprisoned in the state of living death.

Nightmare Stage: This continues for a long time, when it seems like the dark power has completely triumphed.

Rebirth Stage: But finally comes the miraculous redemption, either by the hero (if the imprisoned figure is the heroine), or by a young woman or child (if the imprisoned figure is the hero).

Crime and Punishment and the Catcher in the Rye are both Rebirth Plots, but they focus on different aspects, and are thus completely different stories. Most of Crime and Punishment is the Recession Stage, where the main character has gotten away with his crime. Contrast Catcher in the Rye, where the Recession Stage ends basically as soon as he leaves his school, whereupon he spends a short time in the Imprisonment Stage and everything until the last chapter is the Nightmare Stage.

So even though the Seven Basic Plots presents an outline, it's not an outline meant to exclude strange stories that don’t fit it. Quite the contrary, it’s designed to include radically different stories, sometimes within the same categories as more traditionally-told ones.

So with that in mind, what story does Guts find himself in? Well, that’s the exciting thing: Guts is so incredible because he goes on every kind of adventure.

Overcoming the Monster - This is Guts’ story when Casca is captured by the Holy Seein the Conviction Arc. He has to fight against a whole society built around zealous hatred-- zealous hatred that mirrors his own obsessive pursuit of Griffith.

Rags to Riches - The first third of the Golden Age Arc is famously this kind of story, as Guts goes from a nameless mercenary to one of the most famous commanders in Midland, making friends along the way and overcoming his apprehension towards close personal connections.

The Quest - The journey to cure Casca of her trauma during the Fantasia Arc is a very long version of this kind of story. Guts gathers allies, teaches lessons, and watches the world change around him, as he changes as well, allowing his heart to soften again.

Voyage and Return - The Black Swordsman Arc and the beginning of the Conviction Arc sees Guts gallivanting around Midland killing demons, only to return to Goto’s cabin to find Casca has departed due to his own failings.

Comedy - The middle of the Golden Age Arc is this, with Casca and Guts falling for each other as he begins to develop into his own man separate from Griffith.

Tragedy - The end of the Golden Age Arc, which I would feel bad about listing here three times if it wasn’t fourteen fucking volumes long. Here Guts loses every connection he’s made over the years, then finally loses himself as he chooses to pursue vengeance rather than stay with Casca. 

Rebirth - The whole of Berserk is a Rebirth Plot on many levels. To start with it’s Guts’ shift from the antisocial Black Swordsman to a symbol of hope in a world overrun with demons. For the world of Berserk it’s a change from being centered around an Idea of Evil to believing in something Good.

Guts is a fascinating character for how he changes again and again, yet still stays the same. 

And Unlike Luke, Guts does sometimes fail. But despite the fact that he fails, he finds chances for further redemption. This is because despite every awful thing he’s been through, he still goes on fighting. There’s this brilliant moment when Guts is a child, where he’s run away from home after killing his abusive foster father in self defense. Guts is surrounded by wolves, injured, and starving. He tells the wolves to kill him, because he doesn’t want to live anymore. And yet when the wolves attack, he reflexively defends himself. Even as he wants for death, there’s a part of him that denies it. He wants to go on living, no matter how bad things get. There’s a lot of strength to be learned from that.

I hope Miura will live to see the series end. The character has been at war for so long, and he deserves to put down his sword and live in peace.

#2 Conan the Cimmerian

Let’s take a detour from all my personal issues and literary analysis to talk about the wisest character on this list. It might not seem so, but the original Conan stories by Robert E. Howard are some of the most brilliant and insightful works of fiction ever published. 

Holden Caulfield gives us a realistic look at a troubled teenager. By viewing this teenager’s uncensored thoughts on the world, we’re allowed to see the world through his eyes. Doing so teaches us a lot about ourselves, and what we discover isn’t always so attractive. Conan is similar. Conan hails from Cimmeria, a gloomy and unforgiving land. There is no civilization in Cimmeria. Its people are tribal and nomadic. There are many different languages and ways of writing, no currency, and scarcely any agriculture. But Conan’s story does not take place in Cimmeria. Conan’s stories take him all over the world of Hyboria, which itself is essentially a pre-historic earth, where he explores the cultures of all the “civilized” nations. This, more than the violence, adventure, or lurid depictions of women, is what makes Conan worthwhile to me.

Allow me to share with you a passage:

Conan has seen how people behave when there are no rules imposed on them. He knows how cruel they can be, as well as how kind they can be. More than anyone Conan knows the dangers of civilization, how its rules and customs and trappings might convince a person they are good when they’re letting their fellow man starve, or that they’re bad when they’re committing violence against someone whom the rules of society declares above reproach.

Conan brings a perspective to things that is sobering and unique, and looking at things through his eyes helps a person see humankind not as one divided by lines on a map, but as a singular entity which expresses itself in many different forms.

#1 Eren Jaeger from Attack on Titan

Gif source: https://weheartit.com/entry/214956834

Anger, Dark Side, hopefulness, blah, blah, blah. What makes Eren so special? What makes him more special than Guts?

Let me tell you something personal about me: I have a best friend. And contrary to all my expectations growing up, it’s a person who considers me her best friend right back. 

She is the only person I know that I consider my intellectual equal (arrogant statement, totally true). I love her immensely. Indescribably. Just like, a fucking lot. We express this love in a lot of different ways. To begin with, we talk all the time. Almost every day, for hours. We share with each other the things going on in our lives, our thoughts, our opinions, the games we play, the movies and TV we’ve seen, our desires for the world, all of it. She is the first person I ever talked to about some of the stuff I experienced in my childhood. 

In short, she is pretty special.

When she watched Attack on Titan for the first time it was I who showed it to her. We watched up to episode 11 on that first night, and the rest of the month she texted me her reactions to the events of the first and second season. As she watched she got really enamored with Mikasa, as Mikasa is a lot of what she would like to be in life (capable, dedicated, beautiful, six feet tall, etc). But of Eren, she said that he reminded her of me. In fact, she said that she started to just look at Eren as me-on-the-screen, and when Eren would do something reckless or talk back to someone, or give a crazy-sounding speech about what he believed in, my friend told me she’d say “Classic Nathan [

There is a quality among the great heroes of literature, both from the east and the west, that Eren exemplifies in spades. While Eren has a tendency towards action that makes me admire him and a defiant nature that makes me envy him, his most powerful quality is his immense capacity for hope. You can see this represented in every character on this list in some form or another. Holden hopes against all reason that his sister can be saved from the falseness of the world. Luke hopes that a person can turn from the Dark Side. Guts hopes that life is worth living, even if it’s shown itself to be nothing but suffering. Conan’s hopes are the most justified, as he places it in the vastness of the world, and the world can’t help but satisfy him. 

Eren hopes that the titans, insurmountable as they seem, can be defeated. He hopes that the world, tiny as it may seem behind the walls, can be explored. He hopes that people will listen to him when he speaks. He hopes that when he fights for what he believes in, he won’t die. He hopes for so much, and no matter how much is on the line he is ready to fight for those hopes, and to deny anyone who wishes to restrain him.

And my best friend told me he reminds her of me.

I’m not saying she was right. I’m not as strong as Eren. I’ll shut down socially when I’ve judged people to be dumb, evil, or boring. My hope doesn’t carry me over every mountaintop. Not that it does that for Eren; part of what I love about watching his story is that he struggles and falters. Hell, he dies in his first engagement with the titans.

But like Guts he keeps fighting.

Like Luke he struggles against his lesser qualities.

Like Holden he has a viewpoint of the world that leads me to consider myself.

Like Conan he is different from everybody else, but still believes in himself.

And that’s all I want to be.

[simba-bonfamille-lyons]

✉ ♦☒

✉: Any RPers the Mun admires.

Same disclaimer as everyone lol I love all of you ofc

Lauryl: for putting up w me seriously she puts up w all my shit and idk how she does it with as much grace and patience as she has bc i can be a difficult person to get along with lmao ALSO just how well she develops her characters and how much time she puts into them and they all have different voices and just jump right off the page immediately. 

Pet: for always willing to be weird. seriously, i love that about you. we need to do more weird shit for reals. i love how introspective her characters are. i love her imagery, she has this quite melancholy voice that i really like because i wish i could write like that but it just makes my characters sound whiny but hers always sound so beautifully wistful like they’re wearing velvet gowns and looking over a sparkling city at night with a crystal wine glass in their hand.

Ginny: i am ?? constantly impressed by her insight. she has great characters and they’re all so different. i love. plus i feel like we have a great back and forth, i never feel like im stumbling through a para.

Beeeee: gosh my lil bumble beee her writing just fucks me up sometimes. she just shoots out these lines that im like wow right in the honey nut feelios god damn that was beautiful what the fuck. also i feel like she always picks up on my little cues that i put into my writing which i appreciate bc i like to think im subtle, esp with like toulouse who bee rps with a lot sry bee

Reanna: gosh i lvoe her babes i just rly love her characters i do i do i love lil ariel and kovu and vitani and alICE and even shock they’re just all so intriguing.

SAM: gosh for how young he is his characters are so sophisticated and different and have so much depth. he’s also someone i feel like i bounce off of really well and all our paras and relationships are so dynamic what a joy

Avarick: for his humor, always gotta shout out. we don’t do a whole lot but i love reading his stuff so much.

Sierra: always?? has ?? such good stuff?? she just has really lovable characters and she has really good instincts for how relationships can develop.

Ashleyyy: gosh she’s always game for stuff like percy and tina were so good during the apocalypse and i loved our hellrun so much. all our interactions ahve been so fun 

JABY: gosh why do our characters always end up fighting when i love u so? even tho they fight the dynamics are always still so complicated and i love that. and i love how much she lvoes her characters and embraces their flaws.

wow im writign about everyone i canT STOP

i admire LAUREN for letting roscoe be the glorious asshole that he is and not taking it to heart when everyone hates on him lmao and EMILY WITH HER GORGEOUS CHARCTERS WHO ARE SO DYNAMIC gosh also FAITH her one shot w woody and the girl w magic still fucks me up when i think about it and MARY i love buzz and reese they are sweethearts but in no way similiar and i love thattt im having so much fun w our reese/tina thread rn. gosh who am i missing MADDIE for perservering even with her hectic life SILV for her adorable group of boys and the thought she puts into background UHHH kirby’s writing will always blow me away goddamn. KATIE has such great beebs and her writing can be so funny sometimes like lottie is always just SCREAMING in my head i love it. alex’s one liners are just straight zingers i love them. 

gosh i love all of you so much thank you all for keeping me sane /sobs

☒: A NOTP with your Muse in it (if you have any). 

Belle: uhhhhhhh anyone who isn’t hades sry she loves him

Simba: NALA god no never in a million years

Toulouse: i dont have notps for him but i do have an endgame couple in mind tho guess who it is im not telling bc i want it to develop ~naturally

Bambi: girls. lmao. tbh critters is my notp bc if they ever got together it would be like ugly when shit goes bad as long as they just stay like hook up buddies we’re fine everything is FINE

Perdita: paulina bc then paul isn’t with perdy lmao

Sweet: tbh no? not really? 

Maui: celaui. do not ship celaui. how dare you. it is pure. 

Hercules: peg x herc -- sorry guys idk if anyone ships it but just no

Attina: tbh paulina it’s going to end in DISASTER but they’re also so cute that just makes it WORSE

Akela: bc apparently it NEEDS TO BE MENTIONED akela x mowgli how dare y’all (lowkey lowkey would ship like a young!akela x rama)

[misterrietveld]

Reading List 2016

Me Before You (127,360 words)

A great, emotional read. Absolutely loved the protagonist and the story. Super heartfelt and I got really attached to the characters. After finishing it, I remember being on a book high for days; I hit up my friend who read it and we discussed the characters and ending and just how sad we were. I told my boss about the book and got so excited when she told me she bought a copy and started reading it, too. We would talk about it during work/office hours. My sister also stole my copy to read and has yet to return it. 

Ella Enchanted (52,994 words)

An oldie! I read this back in middle school and I remember being in love with it. I would check it out of the library multiple times if just to read my favorite parts. So yeah, I figured I would get a copy for myself and read it again. Still a fun read. 

Rebel Genius (81,775 words)

Written by Michael Dante DiMartino, one of the creators of ATLA and LOK. It has illustrations! I’m such a kid, I know. I really liked this. It has such an interesting plot and universe. Reading it definitely reminded me of the vibe I got from watching ATLA. I like art so I thought some of the things the book discussed were educational to me, too. The author’s note in the book talked about how the Renaissance and major artists inspired this world so I’m excited about how this story will further use that material and play out in the later books.

Six of Crows (135,275 words)

I actually saw this book’s sequel (Crooked Kingdom) while looking up Rebel Genius. But I didn’t have any interest in reading it until I saw a mutual on Tumblr reblogging stuff about it. Though I’ve never spoken to them, I tend to trust their taste so I looked it up and lo and behold I got hooked! Honestly though, I wasn’t that sold on the point man of this series, Kaz Brekker. I thought he was too arrogant, too suave, too good at everything to be a captivating character. I was definitely way more interested in the other characters. It was annoying sometimes to end a chapter in one character’s perspective when I was getting so invested in them to switch to another’s perspective, but then have the whole process would repeat with every chapter because I can’t get enough of them! When I got to the end, I remember being very relieved that it was 7pm because it was early enough that I could still head out to the nearest store and buy the sequel. 

Crooked Kingdom (173,600 words)

This is the sequel to Six of Crows. This is where I get WRECKED. All that shit I said about Kaz Brekker in Six of Crows? THROW IT OUT THE WINDOW. This is such a great followup to the first book. I don’t even know where to begin. The characters have such amazing development and I’ve enjoyed all of their paths, including Kaz. Where I was hesitant with him before, I started rooting for him so bad by the end of the book. I had read a few light spoilers from an interview the author had about Crooked Kingdom, so I remember being distracted with things that could happen while I was reading it, and when stuff actually happened, my heart broke! Be warned, this book is heartbreaking! But not in the cheesy way. Anyway, I cried.

The Raven Boys (128,960 words)

The Dream Thieves (112,019 words)

Lily Blue, Blue Lily (91,700 words)

The Raven King (138,880 words)

I’m just going to do a collective review of this series, The Raven Cycle. I’m gonna be honest, I kind of sped-read through this series. The goal to find Glendower, baddies, and magic(?)/psychic concepts didn’t really interest me. I was thrown for a loop most of the time. What I did like were the relationships between the main characters. They felt really honest; despite everyone’s really glaring flaws and sometimes harmful opinions, they continue to choose and stick by each other. That is a great concept. I support this concept. Some parts made me laugh out loud. There were a lot of great parts that I marked and highlighted. I do want to get a chance to reread this series. I felt rushed/impatient at the time I was reading it, so I know I missed a few things. And maybe I’ll better appreciate the plot a second time around.

Gone Girl (145,719 words)

I started this book back in early 2015. But school got in the way so I stopped somewhere 70-90 pages in. I had been waiting to finish it before I watched the movie. And yes! It is awesome! I kind of wished I just watched the movie first anyway because I didn’t really like it after reading the book. But that’s always to be expected, right? But wow I was mindblown with the plot. I already expected some of it (because its been years and I can’t avoid spoilers for that long); my favorite part has to be when you realize the twist and you get her real side and story, and she explains the fake diary entries. Like damn, commitment! I went back and reread all the diary entries. Pretty damn good.

Looking for Alaska (64,033 words/2 = 32,000 words)

I kind of hated this book. Sorry. I only got halfway through (maybe less) before I gave up and looked up a summary online. I didn’t like the main character at all; I thought he was pretentious, whiny, a coward, and a few other things. But I guess that’s the point? It could also have something to do with how all the books I’ve read so far have been books with multiple perspectives, so this book being in first-person from a single character might’ve been too much for me. I don’t know, I felt bad not liking this book. I’ve read John Green’s other books (was in love with TFIOS, fairly liked Paper Towns and Abundance of Katherines), and a friend told me Looking for Alaska was her favorite so maybe my expectations were too high? Maybe I would’ve liked it a few years ago? But in reality, I don’t plan on picking up this book again. 

Carry On (??? words)

Fun read! I enjoyed the characters and their alternating perspectives. I laughed a lot but it was another book I sped-read through. Wasn’t that interested plot-wise.

The Night Circus (120,937 words)

Wistful is the word I would use to describe this book. I really liked this! The writing style, the magic, the imagery, the characters, everything! I thought the characters were all so well-introduced and even through limited appearances, you get the essence of the character. I love that the author gives you a lot of detail on some things but also gives lets the reader come up with the wonders of the circus, too. A testament to how much I enjoy a book is looking up reviews for said book. I like seeing other people vocalizing their thoughts and opinions and see how similar it is to mine. I was shocked though when I read reviews on Amazon. “Flat, 1D,” etc. I can understand where they would get that impression, but at the same time, I ask: Do you have no imagination to fill in the gaps yourself? More than lengthy descriptions of setting and attire, I think the author does a great job of telling us how one character makes another feel. That sounds cheesy, but honestly, I read this and I feel warm and captivated by the characters, not only because of what they evoke to me but also what they mean to the other characters. Through their interactions, you can see how these characters have come to trust each other, care about each other, and really just regard each other. Which is pretty impressive when you’re dealing with a circus full of characters, from performers, to investors, to clockmakers, to a whole community of circus fanatics, to a lonely farm boy. Definitely a book I would keep picking up.

Beautiful Darkness

A comic by Kerascoët and Fabien Vehlmann, not the other fantasy novel. This was a very interesting read. Dark and disturbing. It reminds me of The Lord of the Flies in terms of its plot of self-civilization and how bad everything goes when you suck at governing. It’s a really strange tale. I discussed it with a friend after and we just had a lot of theories on what was left unsaid (because a lot of things are left unsaid). I’m left mostly confused so I go to readers’ reviews for their opinions and views on the story, and there, I got a better idea of how the comic criticizes shallow offers of help, which I thought was really interesting because no one ever expects severe consequences to come from it. But the comic really explores that culture along with the repercussions of self-interest.

Approx. 1.5 million words. So! That’s what I’ve read in 2016. That on top of a lot of fanfiction. Should I try to beat myself in 2017? Haha, I don’t know if I can; this was a really good year for me in terms of reading.