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redxblueihateloveyou · 4 years ago

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Omg thank you so much for your posts about rinharu!! :"")) I was one of those people who were like "why are rinharu fighting again?? Did kyoani purposely seperate them /again/ just for the sake of drama ?? (And so that they have more oppurtunities to showcase other ships??)" I was really irked at first cuz i thought the first part of TFS is finally going to be a movie about rinharu being a powercouple, but! After reading your posts i realised that haru never really moved on from rin leaving, even in S3 the reason why hiyori's words affected him was because he thought he caused rin to leave (and by extension ikuya, but lbr haru wasn't as frustrated with ikuya nearly as much as he was with rin right) so i'm just here to say.. thank you so much for opening my eyes!!! Now i'm really looking forward to the second part!!

Awww no problem <3 tbh I've always said that free is one of those that has so many nuances left bts that it's sometimes confusing for those who aren't as invested I think. Like there's so many important things that are left out and are in additional materials, that some has no idea what's going on at times. Like back in the days when some interpreted s2 in the opposite way bc of that one thing. My point is that not everyone is even watches stuff like recaps for example (where there are in fact new easter eggs and so many important things like Rin's dad death aftermath etc), and even less read novels and checked side stories and dramas.

For example, in books this Haru's issue about him thinking he's cursed and hurts everyone with his swimming is a huge thing, when Asahi "lost his ability to swim" after seeing Haru's free. But in SD it wasn't adressed at all tbh.

And what Haru feels for Rin is such tornado of emotions, that surprised even me with all the descriptions, bc like it's real bad. Like that part I posted from the chapter when Rin leaves is at least understandable, since he leaves. But the way he reacts to him in general even when he just appears in his sight is always described as if someone tortures him for real lol. And he's always like "pls someone save me, I don't know how to deal with this, bc I've never felt such emotions before".

So basically, like yeah, he's as it is has this thing, when he thinks of himself as some bad omen, so he's very sensitive about it, but since everything Rin-related feels x100000000 for him, its just... well, it hurt for a very long time and sadly was just overlooked by a certain someone, so here we are.

I think we all at first believed that bc Rin's so shocked and in disbelief that Haru could even think that it was his fault in some way:

that maybe they talked about it bts or smth like after the relay. But it seems like Rin either forgot or most likely I think he maybe thought that Haru understood without words? I'm just real sad still that Haru didn't get to hear this speech:

I mean, they made it look by the end of s1 that it was about relay, which partially yeah, but for Rin it was really about Haru. You see what he said.. he said that that 1x02 race with Haru alone.. what made him want to swim again. This whole speech was not only about the fact that Haru wasn't at fault that he quit swimming in the first place, but about the fact that Haru is his lucky charm, that makes everything better. AND WE DIDN'T EVEN GET TO HEAR THAT. So like for Haru it's to this day like "after I messed him up, Rin was saved with the power of friendship and a relay". But he was saved by Haru really. Bc according to s3 info, it was basically just about Haru being on the relay team. I don't try to demean their friendships or anything, but its just what it is.

And as I've said before in one post it's just fascinating that to this day Rin for example thinks that s1 shananigans were just about him and just his problem:

Haru thought it was about them and their problem:

So like my point here is I also up to the end of s2 thought that maybe Rei or Rin told that to him, bc we seemed to move on to another problems, until in Kizuna we were shown that he still dreams about that scene of Rin leaving. s3 Hiyori just exposed the wound really.

But also once again see what he said there, it's not just about that one time he keeps reliving, aka his first come back, its really just about each time Rin was leaving. Like the very first one already was bad, the second was the worst, bc he thought he hurt him and thought that bc of him he quit swimming, others are just painful bc by then it was already another kind of feeling. I mean, I do think that this first Rin's return to Australia thing needs to be cleared up since it's obviously still haunting him. But again it's just part of this. Haru after the Australian trip and "I've always admired you" and "without you I have nothing to aim for" and after TYM goodbye when Rin told him that he doesn't need a surprise party and that just swimming with Haru before leaving is the greastest surprise for him, he knows already about the way Rin feels about swimming with him... I think the reason why everyone is freaking out here is that bc the way it's executed it's just really about him constantly missing him and "why am I always have to longingly watch you leave, while you seem fine." If he was in a free race, but wasn't on a relay team, he'd get the same reaction. Its just all seasons combined that brought us here. We already in 3x01 without Hiyori knew that he wasn't handling Rin being far away again good. So tbh it's logical even without any explanation really. I mean, Rin does indeed leave and come back as he pleases and does what he wants without holding back or sometimes thinking about consequences. There's no lie here.

It's like since the beginning for Rin it was like "I found the gorgeous guy I adore and I want to swim with, I'll transfer schools just to nag him into swimming with me, it's not like he's gonna care if I leave after that." (he literally in the book didn't think it was a big deal)

For Haru it was like "I lived just fine, but this guy stormed into my life, made me want things I didn't think I'd ever want, got me addicted to him and then dropped me like a hot potato".

Rin's just very passionate about life and things he wants, like Haru for example, but he's really also very unobservant and very clueless at times.

But like just bc he doesn't know about Haru's existential crisis and all the pain he's truly in when he's leaving, doesn't change the fact that he at times didn't even treat him as a simple friend (because they can't be just friends I KNOW), but still things like "you could've called" "well sorry, I guess I'm just not good at it" are probably hurtful, considering the fact that you are good at it with everyone else tho, Rin sweetie. Like thanks for avoiding us the most and holding back and visiting us the last each time, we feel real special. Haru is like the opposite, he doesn't call anyone for example, but he can call Rin in the middle of the night if needed, he always does for Rin smth that's completely out of his comfort zone.

It's like some say "Rin didn't know he wanted him to call" or "he didn't know Haru felt guilty". He did know he wanted him to call and he didn't know Haru felt guilty and stopped swimming competitively when he stopped swimming, but then Rei told him and Natsuya in 3x03 reminded him about this too. Its just the fact that he doesn't want to add 1+1 and thinks "well, there's no way I can affect Haru like that right?", "he can't be that upset about Rin Matsuoka, right?". While facts are he IS literally the only one who affects Haru in such huge way. It's like everyone else can just pass him by and it's nothing, but he walks by and it's a whole "asdfghgfdsa why my body is on fire, its just Rin who's just standing there".

And I'm also buffled by this thing that some people really say stuff like "where did this come from, they were perfectly fine" etc, as if they ever had normal "friendship" relationship. I'm like when did they ever behave themselves okay? In 3x03 Rin is dying to call Haru, but can't do it, while he's constantly texting everyone including Nagisa. First thing he says in the airport when he comes back is "I'm home, Haru" to air, but then goes to hang out with Makoto and Sousuke, desperately looking for an excuse to see the one whom he from the beginning, as it was shown wanted to see the most, but in his opinion can’t without a reason. It's only when Makoto tells him that Haru was upset about Albert he quickly rans off out of there bc "hooray, I have an excuse to see my bae”. Like we know from the airport scene that he wanted to see Haru the most. If they're so as people say were doing great, than how do you exlain all of their s2 and s3 behavior for real? It's like as if in TYM Haru didn't lose his shit from some gossip about persimmons. I mean, they never settled anything really. And Haru is constantly scared of Rin leaving again since forever.

So it's complicated, but yes, we're super excited for p2, bc asdfghjhgfds.

#answered #anonymous #rinharu #harurin #free! the final stroke #free!#rin matsuoka #nanase haruka

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orionshounds · 4 years ago

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I’ve been knee deep in dsmp lore streams and I just want to ramble about it

Dream smp lore is so good, it’s so good!!! Not only is the story itself just fascinating, but how it’s presented so uniquely through the medium of minecraft of all things is just so cool. One of my favorite parts of the lore is seeing how everyone on the smp has their own “style” they present it in, and watching them find the way they find the most enjoyment in is so cool. Literally no two streamer’s lore stream quite like each others and it’s just incredible! It just speaks to the flexibility of roleplay as an artistic medium and really shows everyone’s individual personalities.

Wilbur was dramatic as hell and wrote eloquent speeches. He started a drug operation under the guise as a country, and it lead to a revolution in which he was able to explore the spiral of a man who loses control of everything he had built. And after his arc and he wanted a break from the server? He created ghostbur, an amnesic comic relief with just enough touch of tragedy that he is still able to make heartbreaking monologues when he wants to.

Tommy is able to run around with his friends and cause as much chaos to his heart’s extent, but there is so much more than meets the eye. He is incredibly social and isn’t afraid to start conflict with a lot of people, bringing them into the roleplay. He doesn’t back down from storytelling either. His character goes through terrible situations and he fully explores the trauma that comes from those experiences. His character goes against the “stereotypical” trauma I see alot in media; instead of being shy or scared he’s reactionary, he’s angry, he’s violent, he’s depressed. I’m actually really impressed with the heavy subject matter this 17 year old teen has managed to portray (I’ve connected with it quite personally at certain points), while still being able to keep the light hearted fun that’s so intrinsic to his personality.

Tubbo isn’t really interested in serious lore as much. Even in dire moments he tells jokes and just has fun. So, in his recent lore, he just streams as normal while putting mysterious writing on screen that he doesn’t acknowledge or have to explain, which I think is just a genius work around for him to participate in lore. He still has his dedicated lore streams sometimes, and when he is in the acting zone he has some of the most powerful moments out of everyone on the server.

Ranboo, while having stake in the greater smp lore, is much more character focused. He presents his lore through long monologues and fucking heart-wrenching voice acting. He loves working in themes of horror and causing a specific feeling in the viewer. So he chooses specific music as a themes for events/characters and creates visual queues in his overlays to draw out that desired reaction. He also values improve a LOT, if something unexpected comes up he just runs with it and he has made huge changes to his lore as early as 30 min before a stream.

Technoblade, while arguably one of the most powerful people on the server, prefers a more light-hearted yet dramatic approach to lore. When Dream was at his house looking for Tommy, Techno had no problem joking around and making fun of him for being homeless. He tore down an entire nation on the server and had so much fun doing it! He’s more of an antagonist than a true villain in my opinion. And lets not forget how dedicated he is to the game, he’s cracked at the craft. He spends hours grinding and creating farms on the smp, for amazing pay offs (his several vault reveals, the withers, etc), most of which weren’t even on stream!

Karl Jacobs is extremely social, so he created Tales from the smp as a way to involve TONS of people in lore while exploring the past and future of the server (it was also a way for viewers who weren’t that well versed in dsmp lore to join and not have to worry about it!). And through this premise, he took the opportunity to develop his own character on the smp; making an incredibly tragic story of a time traveler trying to save his home while slowly loosing his memories. Not to mention the beautifully shot cutscenes of the Inbetween and the Other Side. He includes so many people behind the scenes as well, collabing with other members on lore, hiring building teams and people to make intros and credit scenes, and promoting fanart and fansongs from the community!

Quackity explores his lore through heavily scripted events and amazingly shot cut scenes. While the way he expresses his lore comes at the cost of improv, the payoff of the visuals and story is well worth it! The shots he makes of the smp is downright gorgeous, no to mention he’s the first person to include irl footage in his lore (not counting facecams)! He’s not afraid of thoroughly examining his own character, being one of the only people I can think of that shows us “past events” leading up to something that has already happened.

Badboyhalo, Antfrost, Ponk, Skeppy, Captain Puffy, Punz, Awesamdude, Hannahxxrose all work together on shared lore and the payoff is amazing! By introducing the Egg, a constant antagonistic force that constantly pulls on character’s relationships with each other, everyone is able to stream together to battle for or against the egg! There’s also plenty of room for people to do individual lore that's more intimate to their respective character. They spend hours changing vines, putting up posters, slowly shaping the smp in a way that makes it exciting to watch streams to see just what has changed everyday. Because there’s so many people necessary to tell the egg’s story, it does comes at the cost of time (the egg has been around FOREVER). However, they all work together super hard and I just admire their commitment to the story they’re trying to tell!

And Sam! He has several different “Modes” his character is in (and an entirely separate character, Sam Nook) that he gets to explore lore with. He’s a terrifying warden, he’s a money motivated businessman, he’s a conflicted lover, he’s a traumatized victim of the egg, and just so much more. Through having so many different “roles” in the rp he gets to explore relationships and plotlines with a whole array of people. Not to mention he’s absolutely cracked at redstone and has some of the most impressive builds on the server.

And Puffy! So much of her lore is calling into question the morality of the server and really makes you step back and think critically about the characters. Her character also has, in my opinion, one of the most interesting relationships with Dream, the main antagonist of the entire server, which is just fascinating to watch unfold. Not to mention she’s one of the first people to start exploring the backstory of her character!

George doesn’t exactly do lore. In fact he’s slept through so much of it it’s become a meme. And you know what? That mad man took that and ran with it. He explains his absence in the story by having his character literally being asleep through it, creating mystery where there used to just be an absence. He’s able to goof off with his friends and have borderline nonsensical streams, then at the end sucker punch the audience emotionally by “waking up” and have the viewers question just what was real and what wasn’t?

The smp has the freedom for people who want more independent lore to be able to explore their character’s that way as well!

Hbomb, Connereatspants, and Purpled don’t have a lot of lore on the smp, generally only coming on to have fun with everyone, but when they do have their moments it unfolds in very interesting ways!

Sapnap, Eret, and Schlatt maybe aren’t as active as some other people, but when they are on they actively participate in lore and have lasting impacts on the story (Ex: Eret’s betrayal, Sapnap’s visit to dream in the prison, Schlatt becoming president).

Philza mostly does his own thing, improving the server or making some bomb ass builds. He has incredibly devastating roles in lore (killing wilbur, blowing up L’manberg for the final time, starting the syndicate with Techno), but he also has quieter moments that speak to the depth his character has, such as fishing with fundy or reminiscing about his dead son and how it went so wrong. Like Techno, he doesn’t like to take lore completely seriously, often laughing no matter what’s happening or teasing chat after something big goes down, but his character is solid with a lot of potential for future lore.

Foolish has only started on his character and its already super interesting. The hints at his dark past as a “god of death” and his current conflict with the egg are intriguing as fuck. Not to mention the MASSIVE builds he does for everyone, helping to progress their lore as well.

Fundy has a lot of freedom with his character to participate however much he wants in lore. While generally he’s a trickster who loves to prank people he has enough tragedy build into his backstory he’s able to break the viewer’s heart with a flip of a switch. Not to mention his recent, almost surreal, stream that explored his character’s disturbing dreams that may or may not predict the future.

Niki is very character driven, exploring her character's grief of losing her best friend and her anger of being ignored in the very country she helped create. She has incredibly emotional moments, and even though she’s on her own building an underground city she still participates in other lore via teaming with jack manifold or the syndicate.

Jack Manifold’s lore is VERY character focused, and while he’s described his story as a “B plot that occasionally intersects with the main plot”, the story he tells is still fascinating. Being pushed aside not taken seriously his whole life, his character develops into a fun cartoony-esque villain who begs to be taken seriously, that has the depth of a truly conflicted person who is torn between wanting revenge on everyone who’s done him wrong and just wanting a friend.

Last but not least, the man himself, Dream. The most fascinating thing about his lore is that absolutely none of it is from his pov. All we know about his character is only from what we see from everyone else’s povs, and in his case it leads to a very intimidating villain! Not to mention, mans owns the damn server and yet has made himself the main antagonist! He is the only character I consider a “true villain” on the smp. His voice acting and writing is downright sinister. I could write a fucking essay on how his character’s obsession with power has led him to the point he thinks himself an unstoppable god

Everyone on this server is stunning and I love all of them!!!!!

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imhaitusncarnate · 4 years ago

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I have very mixed feelings on that aot ending

Ok so the politics of Attack on Titan have been discussed by a lot of people, some of whom have a very surface- level understanding of the story. I would like to start by giving my disclaimer that Attack on Tiatan ABSOLUTELY isn’t fascist, its anti racism, anti bigotry and anti discrimination themes are extremely apparent in it’s examination of the Eldians inside Marley, and fascist views held by characters such as Gabi are explicitly condemned in the text and made clear to be misguided and false.

I would now like to draw everyone’s attention to the openings of seasons 1 and 2.

Images like these combined with lyrics like these:

You pigs who sneer at our will to step over corpses and march onwards Enjoy the peace of livestock false prosperity "freedom" of the dying wolves that hunger

We dedicate and sacrifice our hearts

And also the use of german lyrics:

Sie sind das Essen und Wir sind die Jaeger! (they are the food and we are the hunters)

O, mein Freund! Jetzt hier ist ein Sieg. Dies ist der erste Glorie. O, mein Freund! Feiern wir diesen Sieg, für den nächsten Kampf!

(O, my friend! Now, here is a victory. This is the first glory. O, my friend! Let us celebrate this victory for the next battle!)

This is the stuff that lead me to believe that this is a deliberate use of fascist imagery. If the show just wanted to go for a militaristic vibe for the aesthetic of it, references this explicit to fascist propaganda and the use of German lyrics was not necessary. Also, lines like this:

And plenty of evidence that things were not what they seemed it the world of aot and that the overly simplistic view of good vs evil (humans vs the titans) was incorrect led me to believe that Attack on Titan was a deliberate deconstruction. That it was putting the audience into the mindset of the fascists to pull the rug from under their feet later. And I was right. Sort of.

As the story progresses, the world becomes a more and more complex political landscape and we are led to believe that this black and white mentality is wrong. We are also informed that the people who can transform into titans, the Eldians, are an opressed minority, explicitly paralleled to the Jews during nazi Germany, from their living in internment camps, to them being called devils, to their armbands, to a large number of them (our heroes) being confined in an island with walls circling them, which is revealed by Isayama to be Madagascar. The island that the nazis originally meant to confine the Jewish population in before arriving at the conclusion that that would be too costly, and that genocide was preferable.

This is the first of the story’s mixed metaphors. While the show’s heart is in the right place, being sympathetic to the Eldians and showing their plight under marleyan opression and persecution, there is one problem. The reason for the opression of the Eldians is because the world is afraid of their power, as they are a race with the ability to transform into titans. There is, therefore, a tangible, justification for their internment. The Jews were not in any conceivable way a danger to anyone, they were simply scapegoated for the complex socioeconomic problems of Germany in the time period. Also, if we take a look at those openings again, we observe that the Eldians (our main characters) who wish to free themselves from their shackles are framed as fascists. So... what is that saying?

The idea, as I see it, is that the story is condemning fanaticism in general, as a biproduct of a militaristic black and white worldview. The monstrous titans that our (framed as fascist) heroes fight against are revealed to be human, just like them.

The same is the case for the Eldian “devils” that the Marleyans fight against. Gabi, the character who is most fanatically against Eldians (despite being an Eldian herself) is comfronted with the humanity of the people she hates once she gets to know them.

Again, Isayama’s heart is on the right place here, trying to condemn bigotry, however the explicit referencing of history is the imagery is kind of misplaced, for the reasons I previously mentioned. Now let’s have a look at Eren Yeager.

Eren starts the story as a kind of messed up kid. He kills the human traffickers who kidnapped Mikasa while screaming:

I mean, in this case he is certainly justified, but his rage and anger are definitely not normal for a child his age.

This is Eren. He can’t stand injustice when he sees it. And injustice is what happens to him when the titans attack. His already fiery attitude and mindset is what leads him to this declaration of revenge:

That side of Eren is visible throughout the story and it’s foreshadowing for what he will later become

Eren, however, is a natural product of his environment. Ravaged by socioconomic inequality, with the rich living in the centre of the walls and the poor living in the outskirts, constantly under the threat of the titans and unable to obtain any kind of freedom, Eren’s philosophy of the need to be strong to overcome one’s enemies makes sense. The mantra “the strong prey on the weak”, that he ends up teaching Mikasa (another allusion to fascist ideology) is a biproduct of the world he lives in. He does not know of the political intricasies outside the walls. All he knows is he must kill the titans.

Eren’s titan is described as the “manifestation of humanity’s rage. It is huge and monstrous, and could be seen as a metaphor for vengeful hatred in general. Keep that in mind, it’s relevant for the ending.

This manufactured and false black and white worldview shapes him as a character, and it’s what eventually, after the arrival at the much desired ocean, leads him to this:

“Will we finally be free?”

In the continuation of the story, Eren falls toward the dark side more and more, to the point of committing atrocities and war crimes that are explicitly framed as being similar to what he suffered as a child (see his actions in Liberio). He even acknowledges that, telling Reiner, the person who committed said war crimes against him, that he essentially has no hard feelings and understands that the two of them are similar, doing what “needs to be done”. The character of Gabi, who, after what happens in Liberio, becomes obsessed with revenge against the Eldian “devils” is meant to be a foil for Eren, and his obsession with killing the titans after what happened to him.

Extremely interesting is the way in which certain ideas and images are flipped in the later seasons. Namely, in season 4, we see a character who idolizes Mikasa and supports Eren’s plans in a scene where she spouts the same mantra of “the strong prey on the weak” and says that Mikasa saving her is what showed her that only with strength she can defeat her enemies. Mikasa tells her to shut up, and she proceeds to do the salute, that has been so glamorized by the show’s openings thus far. Now, it is done by a person from a military faction with a fanatic worldview. The direction doesn’t glamorize it at all. It is a nuanced, almost masterful deconstruction.

Levi, who has always looked for reasons for why his comrades had t die, justifying their heroism and convincing himself that their deaths were not pointless, ends up here:

At this point, I was in love with Attack on Titan. From here, it only figures that Eren ends up attempting a genocide of the people outside the walls. He has essentally become what he hated the most, and he’s a natural result of the world that created him. Despite his noble intentions, he has turned into a monster. Mikasa, the prerson who loved him the most, completes her character arc by killing him, thus rejecting her blind devotion to him and being free, while at the same time continuing to love the person he once was. It’s a sad and tragic ending, painting Eren as a tragic character and making a pretty strong political point, despite having a few mixed metaphors.

And then, chapter 139 came out...

And Eren apparently pulled a Lelouch. This is a “I purposfully turned myself into a monster to save the world and make my friends into heroes for killing me” kind of thing. It is important to state that the manga makes it clear that Eren would have trampled the world even if they didn’t stop him, because of his urge to be free. However, that urge, that fighting spirit, end up being a good thing. The death of our heroes in battle apparently wasn’t pointless after all. They say goodbye with a salute

The Yeagerists, who were previously framed as fanatics, end up in charge of the government

It is important to state that the real event, the catalyst of the ending, is that killing Eren, who has turned himself literally into the manifestation of humanity’s rage (which has now, through the intricacies of the story, taken the political meaning of hatred and intergenerational trauma), eliminates the power of the titans. The titans are no more. This, in of itself, is good, and in keeping with the spirit of the political commentary thus far. However, the war, is still not over, and Eren’s mantra ends up being correct

So the only way for the war to end is one of the races to be wiped out?

Also, despite Eren’s genocide being wrong, it is, in the end, justified, as a necessary evil by the story. An Ozymandias kind of moment in which the ends justify the means, but Eren himself has to die, because his crime was too great for him not to suffer punishment. Essentially, this chapter undoes all of the insightful commentary the story had made so far, by proving the ideology of its main character right. Story- wise this isn’t a bad ending, but if we take into account the political references the series has made, and its desire to explicitly tie itself with such imagery makes the ending leave a really bad taste in my mouth. What it essentally says, is that, yes, bigotry and racism are bad, yes, blind hatred is bad, but the general idea of might makes right and the impossibility of reconciliation are true. Armin, who has, throughuout the story, been Eren’s opposite, in terms of looking for peaceful solutions to conflict is rendered meaningless in the end, because him alongside with the other characters were all playing into Eren’s plans. The hearts of our main characters as recruits were in the right place, their fighting spirit admirable, and the overall worldview we are presented with in the beginning of the story remains more or less unchallenged.

So where does that leave this imagery?

The conclusion is that one must think very carefully before including allegory in their work. I am not accusing Isayama for fascism, and I appreciate the efforts at deconstructing it throughout the story. However, in the end he did an oops I accidentally justified the mentality I was trying to condemn. I still like Attack on Titan, I believe it has artistic value and is overall a pretty good anime, I even agree with its politics to an extent. However, it is very important to critically examine the things we like, and see where they may have gone south. And this ending is that for me.

#attack on titan #aot #snk #shingeki no kyojin #snk spoilers #snk meta #aot meta #politics #anime

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tatwaffel · 5 years ago

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“Remus didn't love Tonks. Tonks forced him into a relationship. He was too old for her!”

Bullshit.

First things first, why do some people think Remus didn't love Tonks? Well, Remus is more of a background character. He doesn't talk about his feelings a lot and lives very withdrawn because of his lycanthropy. But then there's this huge problem of Remus Lupin having no self confidence.

Why's that a problem? Well...

We had this wonderful conversation between the trio and Remus where he finally opened up a bit. He said marrying Tonks was a mistake.

But here we have to pay attention. Mind you, Remus has no self confidence. He thinks himself to be a monster. 'He had never fallen in love before'. He's scared and overwhelmed.

By saying he shouldn't have married Tonks he does not say in the slightest that he doesn't love her. He thinks he's ruined her life, spoiled his unborn son's life, made them outcasts.

I ask you, if you don't care about your wife and your unborn child, if you don't love them, would you care like that?

Remus clearly is full of regret but only for 'ruining' Tonks's life. Remus hates himself for that. And, being an outcast himself for years, he runs away. He panics. He's babbling here, clearly distraught. It seems like he left Tonks and apparated straight here.

So this is the scene that makes Remadora haters doubt. But, with all due of respect, if you really think that in this scene Remus finally admitted that he doesn't love Tonks, then you don't understand Remus's character at all.

Now we have that negative thing sorted, here some more positive evidence why Remus loved Tonks.

I'd like to refer to the article on Pottermore here, saying Remus was 'first amused, then impressed, then seriously smitten' by Tonks. 'He had never fallen in love before'.

And this fits so well!

You have this clumsy, bubbly, jolly auror lass with the pink hair and large boots. She's constantly tripping, always up for mischief, bubbling with life. For Remus, Tonks is the definition of happiness. Happiness - a thing he's missed for many many years. He learns to smile again, watching her trip over the troll leg but still laughing, watching her morph her hair in a all colours of the rainbow or walking in with a beak. Despite there being a war, he can finally smile again. He found happiness in her.

But then, as they naturally go on missions (like it's said on Pottermore), he realizes that Tonks is capable. She's an auror trained by Alastor Moody after all. She could battle three death eaters at once and probably still win without being scarred. But he's not only impressed by that. He's impressed that she doesn't mind him being a werewolf. He's impressed that she still wants to spend time with him. She's so different from most of the wizard community. She's kind of a freak, really, just like him.

But then, feelings come. He finds himself not only smitten, but seriously smitten. Tonks is all he secretly yearns for. Someone who takes him the way he is, someone who makes him smile even in this dark times. He has fallen for the clumsy auror with the vivid hair.

When she told him she loved him 'after a year of warm friendship', his first reaction was a kind of happiness he's never felt before! He did not immediately start rejecting her, as said on Pottermore, that came later. His first reaction was happiness that the woman he loved loved him back.

Then there's the fact that he clearly enjoyed her company. Pottermore states that, despite his belief that he had to reject her, he still was happy every time he got paired on an overnight mission with her. Furthermore, they are together all the time! Usually, whenever Remus is mentioned in OOTP, Tonks is around. Whether as an old lady escorting the kids back to Hogwarts, or as herself at the breakfast table at headquarters. Coincidence? Well, you never saw Hestia or Emmeline that much in Remus's company, did you?

Oh, and there's this cute little fact of Remus being jealous. Before telling him she's fallen for him sometime in summer 1996, Tonks mentions that 'Sirius is still handsome, isn't he? Even after Azkaban.' And Remus's reaction is jealousy. He tells her that he supposes she's fallen for Sirius, then. Would he react like that if he wasn't in love with Tonks? Certainly not.

A chapter Remadora haters must've overlooked when reading the books was the one in DH when Remus came to Shell Cottage and proudly told everyone about their son. He's beaming and bubbling, which is nothing like the withdrawn and melancholic Remus we know. He's incredibly happy. He also speaks of 'Dora' pretty much, in a very affectionate way.

But second thing, Tonks pushed Remus into a relationship. What?

This is something most Remadora haters say. But, if they really knew Remus's character, they'd realize it's utter bullshit.

Yes, Remus is a lonely and sad man a lot of the time. He yearns to have someone who loves him, be near this someone. He doesn't like to be lonely.

However, he went away with the werewolf pack for about a year. Again, Remus Lupin went to life with the werewolf pack of Fenrir Greyback, the one who ruined his life, for an entire bloody year. An attempt to run away from his feelings, make Tonks realize she wouldn't miss him and just fall for another man - but most importantly here: Remus did manage to keep his distance tho the woman who he loved was waiting at a safer place than somewhere in a cave or forest filled with wolves.

Remus does posses a great will power. If he really didn't want to engulf himself in a relationship, a marriage with Tonks, he simply wouldn't!

Remus wouldn't marry a woman he didn't love just because she loved him and he wanted to do her a favor.

Just recently, I read someone saying that Tonks isn't a strong woman. She's clingy for chasing after Remus.

Tonks didn't chase after Remus. If she had, she would've abandoned her auror duties and left for any forest to get Remus back from the pack. But she stayed at Hogwarts doing her duty of protecting the castle.

We all know she suffered from depression after Remus started rejecting her. Her hair is mousy brown, she looks ill and sad. No wonder. In her eyes, the love of her life preferred death over being with her. How is that not heartbreaking? Besides, her cousin second degree and good friend, Sirius, passed away recently. She's pretty much alone now. And there's a war! She's lost Sirius to the veil, has lost or might lose Remus to the wolves, might lose her parents to the death eaters. This is all much to cope with.

But I ask you: doesn't it make Tonks strong that she kept going? She wasn't selfish and chased after Remus, she guarded Hogwarts because that's where the Order needed her. Plus, she showed her emotions. She didn't try to act like all was well. And that is true strength.

Tonks didn't cling to Remus, pushing him to be with her because she wanted to. Tonks could've had any man, actually. But she wanted Remus.

An important detail we have to see here is that Tonks's attitude described as 'clingy' isn't rooted in selfishness.

This is fiction, but Remus was a broken man. And Tonks tried to fix him. Though Remus said and thought the contrary, Tonks knew that he was indeed worthy of love. Tonks is not stupid - she realized that Remus liked her back. So why should she not try to make him realize he could and should be happy?

There's another thing Remadora haters bring up, which is saying that Tonks's patronus didn't change of pure love, but obsession. Tonks's patronus is a wolf like Remus's because she's obsessed with him. This is compared to Snape's relation to Lily, which is also (labeled as) obsession. Doe and doe, wolf and wolf.

Now what if I tell you that doe and doe doesn't work in nature? Wolf and wolf does. Remus being a male ought to have a male wolf patronus, Tonks a female one. Like it was for James and Lily aka stag and doe.

Tonks's patronus changed because she truly loved Remus. As already stated before, she wasn't obsessed with him.

Tonks didn't go into the battle because she was obsessed with Remus either. She joined the Battle of Hogwarts to fight alongside her husband. Tonks did something Tonks always does when it comes to Remus: make sure he's not alone, make sure he's loved, make sure he's protected.

Last thing, the 13 years age gap.

Well? Why exactly does that matter?

In OOTP Tonks was 22, Remus was 35. In the wizarding world, Tonks was a woman of full age. Five years over the magical line of 17 years, actually. Both were adults. Why is that problematic? When Tonks was born, Remus was 13. That even makes him too old to be her father! I see no problem in that age gap, to be honest. I only see a problem in the narrow minded people who keep using it as a reason why Remus and Tonks shouldn't be together.

I do not expect you all to ship Remadora after this and abandon all your other Remus x any character ships you liked before, simply to stop hating on Remadora - stop hating on any other ship. This is fiction, after all.

All of us are drawn to that one ship, canon or not, that fills our heart with indescribable joy and makes us believe in true love.

For me, that is Remus x Tonks.

#Remadora #remus lupin #nymphadora tonks

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snickiebear · 4 years ago

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yo nadia <3333 i'm bored in my online classes and u reblogged the questions thingy at the right time lmao, so get ready: 1, 4, 5, 9, 10, 17, 23, 24, 28, 30!!!, 34, 38, 39, 40 (the intimacy of being understood) (imma stop here lol) (also i'm sorry u're not feeling well, ily and hope u'll feel better soon!! <33333)

ELE ILY. (and thank you, i’m stayin home today cause,,, yeah. i appreciate you sm.) you’re the literal best, i adore you.

1. How long ago did you start reading fanfiction? Writing fanfiction?

The first fanfiction i read was for The Lunar Chronicles when I was like 11?? and it was 100% on accident and it scarred me because it was a hardcore porn one with a period kink and i was like WHAT IS THIS??? OH MY GOD???? LMAOOOOO i didn’t pick it back up until i was 13-14 and really got into the Fairy Tail fandom. I still reread my favorites on ff.net cause i love them.

As for writing, I wrote a horrible, terrible x-men fanfiction when I was twelve. (my friend still brings it up and REFUSES to delete it so it still gets comments and views, that shit HAUNTS ME ELE.) then tried again for Fairy Tail, posted like two chapters before taking it down cause i wasn’t really feeling it. And then I posted The Intimacy Of Being Understood and here we are.

4. Link your three favorite fics right now.

OMGG okok

@murd3rm1ttens ‘s The Problem How Time Works IF YOU HAVENT READ THIS YOU GUYS NEED TO HOP ON IT ASAP. MITTEN’S WRITING SO SO SO SO GOOD. SAKURA AND INO ARE TOTAL BADASSES. KAKASHI IS A SIMPPPP. ITS SO FUCKING GOOD.

@mouseymightymarvellous ‘s We Were Screaming In Color (Only A Possibility) yes, yes I KNOW. i always point into mousey’s direction but i WILL always advocate that everyone reads her fics, they’re literally so beautiful???? i just happen to be rereading WWSIN rn

@safelycapricious ‘s Shaking Up And Breaking Down series. I found this like?? idfk but i’ve been raving about it ever since. ALSO CHECK OUT THEIR FICS IN GENERAL.

fuck i have more than three but also check out @ambivalens999 ‘s Masks

i do wanna make a fic rec thing where i just rav about my favs,,, might do that later or sum

5. What are your fanfic pet peeves? Do they have a huge effect on whether or not you decide to read something?

Omniscient third person. I don’t like it. Like I can understand that it can be a little hard to stay in one person’s perspective but, in my opinion, if you can, it shows how disciplined you are as a writer. Plus, i just get so confused when I go from A’s thoughts to suddenly what B is thinking about A.

When writers use ‘ ‘ instead of “ “. When writers put thoughts in ‘ ‘ instead of just italicizing them. It’s small things but like they just bother me sO MUCH. most of the time i can ignore it and try to enjoy but other times i just dip.

9. Tag 3 fic writers you think are underrated/unknown in the fandom/fanfiction community.

@espoir-et-reves !!!!! THEIR SHISAKU FICS ARE SO SO SO SO SO GOOD. And they have a warring states one going on THAT I AM SO OBSESSED WITH.

@writer168 idk if they’re really “underrated” but THEY HAVE SUCH GREAT FICS ON AO3. Like theres an AU with sakura, kiba, and shino that i reread constantly because it just. is. so. fucking. GOOD. and they posted a new one that i’m YELLING about.

@eggtoasties okay they only have 2 in the naruto fandom (one shisaku which is still ongoing) BUT THEIR WRITING STYLE IS SO NICE?? I ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT. I still go back and reread their shikasaku one cause UGH i can’t get enough. I love it.

10. What’s your favorite fandom, pairing, or character to read fic for?

Fandoms: Naruto, Soul Eater, The Old Guard, ATLA

Parings: KakaSaku/ShikaSaku/ShiSaku/MultiSaku, SoMa, Joe X Nicky, Zukka

Character: SAKURA. I will read anything with Sakura as the main character and her being a fuckin badass or becoming a badass. I love her.

17. How obsessively do you sit and stare at your fic after you’ve just posted and wait for feedback?

aha.. haha.. well. I check my email like three times an hour. its the first thing i check in the mornings too. I’m literally a whore for praise and literally eat up feedback like its going out of style. I also reread a lot of my stuff because i make so many mistakes and spelling errors, or the spacing is weird oR SOMETHING. plus, literally any and all comments make my day, i go back and reread them cause they just make me feel so tingly and warm like “wow. this person enjoyed the fic/my writing enough to tell me. thats HUGE!”

23. What’s your absolute favorite trope to write?

Angry, feral, bloodied, morally gray women. They aren’t bad guys, they’re probably the good guy, but that doesn’t mean they cant be fucking raging at the world with raw knuckles and blood on their teeth. I just love an angry woman who struggles with her emotions and just has so much inner conflict but that doesn’t take away from her character or badassery, it adds to it.

24. What’s a trope that you’d like to never hear about as long as you live, let alone write?

The fake dating or miscommunication troupe. LIKE GUYS JUST TALK. AND TELL EACH OTHER OMFG. the entire like obliviousness of “nah they dont like me” while the They holds their hand and kisses their cheek. MOFO WHAT. it makes me so impatient and like mad HAAHHAHA. its probably because i’m a pretty confrontational person so seeing stuff like that just “cmon bro, USE YO HEAD.”

28. How do you deal with writing pressure (ie: pressure to update, negative comments, deadlines, etc)?

I have yet to receive a negative comment! Which i was really surprised about tbh. As for deadlines or pressure to update, i just kind of do whatever. I do set goals, but i set them flexible enough that hey, if i can’t do it, that’s okay.

I have a lot of mini goals, like “i want to write this chapter and get it done this week” and then the large goal is “FINISH BY END OF MAY” so i have time.

Actually, now that I think on it, the entire pressure to update thing is probably why i’m waiting until I have all of OL&W written to post it weekly,, cause well. I wouldn’t wanna leave you guys waiting as I tried to write and work out the next chapters and stuff, you know?

30. Post a snippet from your current WIP without context - no more than 300 words.

AAAAAA YOU KNOW I LOVE THESE AHAHAHAH

Have you seen the way the dead dance, World Breaker? They roar, half mad and starving. Do you not wish, do you not hope to see them twist and bend and dance to your will?

Shikamaru snarls, looking behind his shoulders to where his Shadows lay. “Patience.” He spits. “Is of the essence, Things of Ancient. Know your place as the dark you are.”

34. How much of yourself and your life experiences do you put into your writing? What do you think your readers’ image of you is?

None of my experiences match up to anything I write tbh,,, probably the only thing that is me in my writing is maybe the emotional turmoil? I’m pretty emotionally and mentally mature because from a pretty young age i started forming my own opinions, started looking into the world around us and being like “dude what the fuck this is not what disney advertised”. Then i started talking (read: arguing and debating) with my dad about a lot of it. So, like emotions are kind of hard for me. Like i’m pretty good at controlling them or understanding them, but still. idk its hard to explain ig.

Like the weight of stress, the anger, the sadness. It’s kind of therapeutic to write. Cause i don’t know how to put those feelings to verbal words so writing them really helps.

As for my readers’ image? Probably like some kind of hunched over figure typing away in the dark with a maniacal grin on their face. I honestly don’t know AHHAHAHA but it is fun to think about. I think they’d see me as someone with potential but a lot of room to grow and someone who is imperfect but in a charming way LMAOOOO

38. What does your writing process look like? How chaotic is it on a scale of 1 (very tame) to 10 (you can’t handle this kind of chaos)?

I’m gonna be real honest. Its probably like a 2. I’m a bit of a control freak so I almost always go in chronological order, my writing is pretty linear. Unless, i get bored and jump to one of my fav parts. It's pretty much i sit down, i open the doc, read over my notes and just start writing.

It’s a little boring to explain AHAHAHA but once i get into the groove of things its really fucking great, I can like feel myself in the world, I can feel what i want the characters to, i love it. I catch myself mouthing the words as i type too, which i find hilarious.

39. What’s something about your writing that you pride yourself on?

I rather like how raw my writing is sometimes. Which might sound really vain, but i do like the way i word things or describe things. I love juxtaposition and repetition, or making a good ole circle back to some minute detail that wouldn’t stand out until i repeat it at the end and you’re like “omg” AHAHAHAHA.

Like those little poetic snippets or certain wording i just sit back and go “damn thats kinda good nadia! go you!’ HAHAHA

40. How did you come up with the idea for The Intimacy Of Being Understood?

AAAAA this fic is like my first child, my pride and joy LMAO

so the idea initially came when i was reading some fic, idk if it was even naruto, but i was like “i don't like this, but i do like the rain symbolism.” And I knew i wanted to write something kind of slow paced, something a little sad and angsty, but would show KakaSaku slowly but surely falling in love.

Idk if you’ve noticed but a lot of my fics, the pairings don’t change each other dramatically. They accept each other as they are and then they grow with together. Like that acceptance is something i just love writing, its so subtle, it isn’t something you declare. Its simply “I am going to love you. I am going to love you despite your flaws and faults. I am going to love you unconditionally because I know you, I understand you, and there is nothing you could do to drive me away.”

The fic kind of wrote itself after that first scene. I kept going back to the rain, go being ghosts, and resurrection, and the small epiphanies one gets. I wanted to focus on each character’s growth with each other. They didn’t find light in life because of each other, but with each other. And i think that’s my favorite thing about that fic.

I wanted something raw and real and just something beautiful. I’m actually really proud of it tbh. Would i go back and rewrite/edit it? Oh of course! I’d do that with every single one of my fics, but i’m not gonna cause i think its in its rawest form right now. :))))

ask me shit plz

#silly things from silly friends

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commonalex · 4 years ago

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future ready

future ready by common alex

Listen/download: future ready by common alex

It was around three months after I've been fired. I didn't dare to talk about it much, but it wouldn't that much of a mystery for someone to figure out why the short chick with the plaited hair isn't on the cash register giving wrong change to the old ladies anymore. To be perfectly honest, I was pretty devastated that I managed to fail even at working at the supermarket, where all you needed to get a grip was knowing how to count, wearing an "Olga" tag like a war medal, and acting like everything's okay at all times. Maybe that's why I ended up sneaking into it like a thief that day, out of stubbornness. It was the last sense of routine I had while everything was going under outside the window.

I could barely get out the bed before four in the afternoon. And when I did, all I had planned was dragging my body before the tv to catch some telemarketing and dumb commercials until the sun was out again and I successfully forgot who I am and what I'm going through. Because what other choices did I have really? For the last two years I was jumping from one dead end job to the next, either until I get fired or until I quit. I was leaving on benefits and a sad amount of savings, and I was starting to accept the fact that this would be my life from now on. Like, what else did I really have to rely on? Studies? Big deal, the world wouldn't end with just one english teacher less. Friends? Don't get me started. Family? All I was left with was a mother with a mission to make me feel horrible every time we spoke on the phone because I wasn't bothering to go see her. But even if I did, what would I have to say to her? I was mentally collapsing. So I said "leave it for now" and kept the thought pushed back for later. That's the reason why on that particular day I didn't pick up whenever my mom was ringing this cherry ericsson I had at the time. It wasn't like I really needed to answer, I already knew everything by heart.

"Have you seen how this girl you used to hang out at school does lately, Olga?".

No, mom, I haven't. It's been like ten years since I finished school.

"She's studying this thing you used to like, she got settled, she even has her own house".

Well done for her I guess, and?

"And you?".

I don't know what the hell I'm doing with my life anymore, mom.

"But don't you ever think about your future?".

My long awaited future, huh? What a glorious future that was. It was so good, half of the people I used to know didn't make it halfway through.

Outside things were a bit more casual that the deep existential turmoil that was described by the news at the time, yet I was indeed shocked by that eerie amount of silence that was stretching through the cold winds that was piercing my purple coat. I could hear a tv screaming from two blocks away and the screeching roars of the phone lines echoing around the city, but there was barely any human voice left. I was only catching some mumbles and grunts here and there as I was jumping out of fear every time I had to turn around a corner. So it was just like everyday Athens, only with a little more of snow and fear of getting mugged. My social atrophy made me feel like I was being chased as the surrounding landscape was rapidly being stripped from anything that was reminiscing of a typical day. Like, that was the first time I ever saw people looting kiosks and butcher shops. I only managed to see like three to five people with their backs hunched, covering their faces while carrying those huge gray tv screens with the vhs player still attached or fifteen bags of chips, with their eyes moving around uncontrollably. All I had in my mind seeing these scenes was the word "brutalization". Maybe because all this time I wasn't fully aware of what was going on, or maybe because the news told the truth for once.

I snuck from the side door where the staff entrance was, because all the glass on the front of the supermarket was smashed to pieces and I didn't like the thought of my hands sliced open. It was a mess on the inside and the aisles stood empty like sad metal canyons. People must have broke in trying to get all the toiler paper and canned foods left in the previous weeks. From the expired milk bottles at the back to the unstoppable static noise of the refrigerators in front of me, there were all those special little touches to make me feel like I was working in this hole of a job again. And no, I did not bother searching for supplies. Instead, I walked around like I was out shopping with my mom, opening the boxes of the diabetes flavored cereal that no one bother to take, just to steal their toys. I also found a bunch of unopened boxes of the supermarket's very own faux chocolate milk (yes, the one with the dark industrial waste left on the bottom) that was probably expired as well. But, I was a lady, right? So I took some of them to the cash register, because Olga ain't no petty thief. I got around my place of work and scanned the bottles to find out that they cost something less than three hundred and seventy-five million. "Luckily, I don't have to calculate any change now", I thought. Never before have I ever experienced such relief while being there. I was sitting in the same place I was rotting for hours before the world turned to shit, and I was patiently waiting for a huge line of old ladies to pop out of nowhere just to ruin my vibe with their pension money bills. I almost started to miss all of those stuff. This must meant that things have really turned to shit.

The new millennium have begun just like any other year, against the disappointment and secret eagerness of some people. All that screaming about the revelation, the second coming of Satan, the aliens, and the revolution of the machines faded miserably as the days went by and absolute destruction was not to be seen. Yet, at least. Because the first planes that crashed mid-flight in South Africa and Indonesia didn't appear before the end of January, but all were like "okay, technical problems". And when missiles were accidentally landing on Iraqi cities, people were like "well, what to do, technical problems yet again". Only when the bank deposits got erased people started to cry and run like headless chickens. Young people now would call me cynical, but you had to be there to see it. It was crystal clear that people had all of their hopes and dreams for tomorrow stored into a single digit of a computer. A kind of tomorrow which was now failing to promise anything anymore in front of millions of simultaneous personal bankruptcies. Then the reactors in Italy exploded due to a system failure and tomorrow officially died. This tomorrow that we were told would bring everything to us, from cancer treatments to all of Britney's music stored in a tiny mini-disc. From flying cars to underground metros. From huge tv screens for each living room to the giant digital information highway better know as the INTERNET. Nowadays all of these sound so silly, but the pain in the faces of people from the betrayal of their dream did not seem to go away. Until mid-February, everyone lost their minds. Those who saw all of this coming ran away in fear of the new Chernobyl to leave the rest of us behind to die. Shops, services, offices, all ceased to have any actual reason to exist in from of the impending disaster. All you could see around anymore were padlocks, deflated bodies on the street from people that couldn't take it anymore, and some shadows of people left to wander like animals while pretending to be alive. Maybe that's why the tv was constantly playing commercials and other irrelevant bullshit during all of this, it was the last useful thing they could show to the people that were preparing for the grand finale.

But that grand finale wasn't so tangible for me. Everyone had this type of end predetermined, but this panic of theirs seemed more like a slightly less shallow version of the preexisting self-preservation to me. I wasn't convinced by those who screamed that the world was over simply because it already happened to their world. Like, just as Rome wasn't built in one day, their illusions weren't shattered overnight. I mean, at that time the supermarket was filled with those obnoxious promotional banners featuring the new slogan that was everywhere lately, before things change for the worse. They had the "FUTURE READY" catchphrase in large white letters that spread noisy and ridiculous lacking any particular meaning as everything was collapsing. What future exactly was that slogan referring to? The future in general, as a concept of time and space? They wouldn't have thought that out that much. Was it the future of humanity from now on? I wouldn't be so concerned for this with all those rich fucks that had already kissed as goodbye from their shelters, we were far from being extinct and in maybe less that ten years we could wake up with someone like Will Smith ruling the world. No, the catchphrase probably meant that future with the flying cars and the internet. The future only fools would believe it would come (and yes, people actually believe that). That future we lost just as fast as we were promised for it.

So in short, we were crabs in a bucket, pulling each other down in excruciating depths. This wasn't living nor surviving; we more or less kept on functioning like bio-robots with depression. But for me, things weren't looking so grim. "Look at me", I would say, "I reached twenty-nine and haven't done crap to be proud of, I drink expired chocolate milk and I'm secretly glad the world is ending because every day was borderline unbearable for me anyway, so how good would the future be for someone like me?". Nowadays the denial of any form of reality in this reasoning stands out, but at that moment I was reaching redemption. I was now reassured by the thought of the end, acting like a barrier that could block this endless loop that was running relentlessly against me. "So finally", I said to myself, "let's calm down once and for all". I was spinning around in the cashier's chair like a silly kid and was finishing up the bottles of milk like there's no tomorrow, while convincing myself that once everything goes to hell, my torment is over.

My phone’s vibrating through my coat cut me off the carefree twirling around my craziness. "Mom" was flashing on the screen again, but by that point I couldn't be bothered for explanations. Still, the dialogue kept running automatically like a script inside my head.

"I just can't get you. Do you keep on acting unbothered by the world? Even now? Who are you trying to convince anymore, Olga? Me? Because I know you have roughened up out of fear".

Well, truth is I was actually fearing you would start with that kind of shit again.

"You are getting more and more difficult to talk to. You are basically denying something we both clearly see at this point".

We seem to say the same exact thing, ain't that something? I guess I was kinda doomed from the start to be and look just like you.

"You really do me dirty with all these conclusions you're drawing out of anger".

Okay, so what? Did you get upset?

"Why are you angry at me, Olga? Can I hear you say it, just for once?"

I don't have the time for this thing again, mother, I need to enjoy my remaining days over here.

"How much do you think this will last for you? When will you stop stalling and start looking after you and your future again, Olga?"

What future do I have, really, are you kidding me?

-Are you talking to yourself, ma'am?

I almost slipped out of the chair. I had never experienced such horror before. I was barely held off the bench to help me get up again slowly with my heart sinking to my stomach, only to see a little girl with plaited pigtails looking at me half-frightened. She wasn't over nine years old, judging by the face and the childish dress she wore under this puffy purple coat.

-Why are you here? Where are your parents?

-Over here, come and take a look! But mom told me not to talk to strangers!

That of course made zero sense to me. Just like it made zero sense for a child to be left alone in a destroyed supermarket with the sun setting outside. I asked for the girl's name, nothing. I asked again, she hid her puzzled frown behind her pigtails trying to playfully imitate my posture with her hands on my waist.

-I'm Olga, I work here. And you?

She started to say something and suddenly changed her mind, running like hell to the back. I was confused thinking how would I look like to someone who saw me chasing a little girl in there, but then I reminded myself that probably nobody would be left to live to the end of this month, so I wouldn't be considered crazy for too long. I began running under the flickering ceiling lights and with each step I had to swallow my vomit. This little girl felt sorry for me in the end and stopped to wait for me at the end of the far right aisle, leaving one sleeve of her huge coat to stick out on purpose. I approached with an awkward smile and glanced at the strange grace she had on her face, with those weird baby hair that can't be caught for nothing in plaits pointing upwards. Despite my awkwardness, the girl stood unworried and expressionless as if I put her on timeout. I asked her name again. She slips away from a second time and runs like the wind, squealing something at lime while zigzagging the aisles.

-You should probably pick it up!

My phone was stabbing my pocket. It was "Mom" yet again, but I really wasn't in the mood for "Mama". I had to pick up my lungs from the floor at the top of my priorities, because this little devil wasn't running but galloping like a damn horse. I finally caught up with her in the aisle with the products of the day and tightly grabbed her by the shoulders. The little devil screamed and was banging her feet in pain. My hands had been too coarse for people after all this time.

-Hey, ma'am, did you get angry? I was just playing with you.

-I'm don't have time to play right now, please go to your mom.

-But I told you, My mom's right here.

"Where is "here"?

With just one finger sticking out of the sleeve, she pointed to the right middle shelf at the end of the aisle. She put her finger before her mouth to stop me from talking and I followed her on tiptoes. When we approached the end of the aisle and my eyes got used to the darkness I saw a woman laid inside the empty shelf. She was in her sixties and wearing an old black nightgown with holes on it. From her short hair down to her nails, there were ice flakes stuck everywhere as if she was just found buried in the snow. Her face with her eyes closed was carrying such an expression of pain and torment. I was so weirded out that something made me want to follow those ice streams that filled her skin's scratches with my fingers, however her body felt so stiff I jumped back. She looked more like a porcelain doll than an actual person.

-Ma'am Olga? Are you alright?

I threw up all the chocolate milk I drank. My body got the chills and my teeth were trembling so much that my breath was coming out in sharp puffs in front of the flickering lights of the refrigerators. I must have look like shit, because I scared the little girl for good and made her get five steps back from me while I was going crazy and trying to clear my eyes from the shock.

-Why is she here?

-Nobody wanted her. Nobody called to take her.

I didn't pay much attention. I pulled out my cherry ericsson to call for help, but the chaotic hum of the phone lines echoed in the aisle before I even put the phone to my ear.

-Who put her here?

She was just staring at me. I asked again and again. She let her lower lip half open. I grabbed her by the shoulders like before and she pulled out a choked scream due to my clumsiness. She started crying and feeling loose in my hands. It was then that I felt like something broke inside me and I crawled away from her because she would pass out in any second just by looking at the state that I was. I sat on the floor watching her wipe her tears from a distance, all while fixing her plaits and stressfully straightening the dress inside her coat. Every now and then she would throw these incoherent excerpts from conversations that seemed weirdly familiar, waiting for me to remember the answers I had given to each of the discussions. I felt sick, like my insides would explode at any moment. My mind was working overtime and I started seeing red. I understood, but I did not want to accept it.

"But how?" I was saying again and again. I can't just live through this stuff. I was thinking that maybe that's it, we are officially past this tomorrow. Maybe that was the end of the world and the time I had at my disposal. Only instead of cloud islands or pits with flames I was stuck inside this supermarket with a little girl and a dead woman. Was this fitting? Not really. It might be considered symbolic, but still not at all subtle. That's why I was stuffed with anger and distress. I couldn't digest what to feel after all that I saw. And what was the meaning of all of this? To make me feel remorse? To help me maybe? But how? So many questions hanging above my head I began to feel like I was melting from the uncertainty. Luckily, the little girl found some courage to pick me up from the floor.

-You still don't recognize her, do you?

-I recognized her just fine the first time.

-Are you sure, ma'am Olga?

-I don't know, what do you say?

-You tell me.

-We have to get out of here, kiddo. We can't get through it like this. Even now, with everything else going to hell with us.

-Do you really want me to come with you?

-I don't know. Maybe I want to, maybe I should.

The phone started screaming again. It was dimming "Mama" with small flakes of ice filling its broken tiny screen. The girl bent down and put this in my palm with no emotion on her face. I answered it. I waited for an eternity so thin you could fit it inside a moment like this. "Hello? Mom?". Eventually the same confusing static noise creaked from the other side of the call, and I stuck there waiting through the buzzing to find her smoker's coughing that she used to do before starting to complain about how I constantly forget about her. Waiting just to tell her that I was here, I was fine, and the world might not end there. Maybe, somewhere, somehow, there's even some future we can fit in it.

-So are we ready now, ma'am Olga?

-Ready for what?

She pointed at the banner hanging from the ceiling.

-Future ready.

I didn't catch my mother's voice at the other end of the line, of course. I hung up and weakly threw the phone on the shelf where the woman was laying, just to hear its dying snout. This felt way more fitting.

-Nah, not really. But it probably does not matter right now.

-But. I'm scared.

-I'm scared too, being in here and all.

-So when will we be back? When everything was normal again?

-"Normal" may no longer exist. We'll just have to see. For now, get up.

-You know better, ma'am.

-Ma'am my ass.

The little girl glanced just once at the self with the phone on and continue to walk with me, with her palm lost and warmed up somewhere inside my own palm. An analog clock on the wall pointed somewhere after nine o clock and the sky was bruised from the clouds that were pouring snow on everything around us. I put my hand with hers in the pocket of the miserable purple coat and lifted our hoods to escape the cold on the way home. I don't really remember how long we walked with our backs hunched over somewhere between the white and the gray. I only recall that we took the long way home, like a punishment of some sorts.

Thinking that I would never hear again the saltiness in my mom's voice was my most bitter torment. I never thought of such a possibility. I always had in the back of my mind that she would find a way to defy any rule of the universe, just so she could care for me. That's science fiction, after all. It seems I was holding on to my illusions for so long, so waking up hurts like hell even today. And if my mom died, I believe she must've left with that pain and concern during her last moments. "Look at me now", I catch myself saying here and there "I avoided her only until I had to mourn her". Until then, the only thing I had on my mind was working on what I should say when I would get asked about her, only to answer that we "fell off" with no emotion. What exactly happened to fall off with her would be like unnecessary little details. Still, to this day, that's exactly what I tell people when it's being brought up. I can't talk about it without sinking in remorse. I can't get the right words to come out anymore, not even by force.

Of course I tried to find her. Especially with the years that were to come upon me, I needed this to have my mind calibrated just to not go crazy over the batshit hysteria that was building up inside of me. Deep down, though, I knew I didn't have the courage to look at past trauma anymore, and I was secretly hoping I would never fine here. Maybe because the end of the world not coming anymore, at least as I thought it would, and now I have to live with it forever. Maybe because the worst that could have happened to me in the end was the postponement of the apocalypse. And this falls heavily on my shoulders to this day. Every day I have to justify why it was worth it to stay behind, either as punishment or by luck, trying to convince myself that there is something left to do with the leftovers of my future.

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obsessively-obsessed-fangirl · 6 years ago

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The Rise of Skywalker was the downfall of Star Wars (MAJOR spoilers)

Oh, J.J. Abrams, I had high expectations for you. I trusted you with one of my most important things...And you absolutely destroyed it. After seeing both your contributions to Star Trek and Star Wars, all I can really say is that you may know how to start a story...but you sir, do not know how to finish it and it is my own fault in believing that you could.

Yes dear reader, I have just come back from watching the final installment of the series of Star Wars movies. I have just come home feeling out of sorts because The Rise of Skywalker wasn’t necessarily the worst movie I’ve ever seen, yet it wasn’t that great nor what I expected the final installment of a Star Wars movie to be. In fact, the only way I can describe it, is just OK, and as we know from my favorite TV commercial, just OK, is not OK.

Why were Finn and Poe even in this movie?

From what I hear, the actors who play Finn and Poe tried hard to play the characters as if they were in a romantic relationship, despite Disney’s specific instructions. I would have loved this! These two characters have amazing chemistry when they are around each other, but that’s not how the story played out, and that’s not exactly why I’m so upset with them. I’m upset because despite being part of the main trio of the current installment, Finn and Poe had no growth in this final movie, and at the end of the day, I can’t really say they had TONS of character development in the series. At least within the first two movies, Finn and Poe were given their individual “tasks” and started to grow towards their final selves ...yet in the final movie, they were constantly being sidelined and overshadowed by Rey and Ben.

One example of this is the idea that Finn is force sensitive. Now we don’t know “for sure” if this is true or not because of a scene within TROS where Finn tries to tell Rey something but never gets the chance to. Now some, especially those who remember how Finn flirted with Rey in episode VII might believe that he was planning to say that he loved her, but according to the actor who plays Finn, John Boyega, he says that Finn was planning to tell her he was force sensitive. This would have been a great plot point for Rey and Finn’s friendship, yet we never saw ANY sign of this within TROS or the other installments of the current trilogy. In fact, J.J. Abrams instead chose to continually portray Finn as almost overly concerned about Rey in TROS, like he was leaving the option open for those who ship Finn and Rey. Along with this, we were also lead to believe there could be a possible romance between him and Rose, one of the characters introduced in Episode VIII. Now I love Rose on her own, I think she is absolutely fantastic. Yet in TROS we barely saw her and she said maybe 3 lines to Finn. Why create a budding friendship/relationship between Rose and Finn, to completely sideline it in the final movie?

Now, to be quite honest, I wasn’t a huge fan of Poe within this trilogy. He is definitely one of those “know-it-all” characters who needs to be taken down a few pegs (which Leia 100% does in episode VIII). But, I don’t think it’s totally fair to Poe or the actor who plays him, to give him the beginnings of a backstory in the final movie. At some point during the film, we learn that Poe used to work on a planet and royally angered a girl. OK, great, glad to hear he is more than just a resistance pilot, but this adds nothing to the story being told in TROS, and I’ll be quite honest, I don’t remember the name of his “girl who is a friend” or even what planet they were on. All of this seemingly important character information would have served the audience a lot better if had been introduced A LOT earlier, like in the second movie when we were actually learning about his headstrong and destructive character.

Rey is a Palpatine?

So I guess the question of who is Rey’s family finally gets answered. Yet, it makes absolutely no sense and was a huge plot point that was not set up well at all. Yeah, so we find out that Rey is the granddaughter of Emperor Palpatine and everyone pretty much knew about it except for her. Also, Palpatine somehow survived and is really been the one controlling Rey and Ben, not Snoke, who was killed by Rey and Ben in Episode VIII. Now I do not know if this was J.J. Abrams plan all along, or he felt that the story needed to change after the events in Episode VIII and Rian Johnson’s vision, but bringing back Palpatine and making him the big “villain” of TROS was so underwhelming and underdeveloped.

TROS should have focused on Rey walling herself off from Kylo Ren after the events of episode VIII. As we saw during the film, her powers and the bond between Kylo and Rey were getting stronger to the point where they could manipulate items between each other and fight with lightsabers as if they were together. This should have been a huge problem for Rey as she battles with the idea of her going to the dark side, yet instead it just became a thing between them that they could do, where they just had the same conversation over and over again.

Rey should have just been the daughter of nobodies. They should have left her as someone who had a calling, not the granddaughter of someone who had no purpose being in this movie. TROS should have focused on Rey resisting the pull of the dark side while Kylo Ren wrecks havoc as the new supreme leader. It should have been about the Rey battling Ben and pulling him away from Kylo Ren and back to the light. Not about her defeating someone who wasn’t part of her story until now.

Ben was finally redeemed and it was done poorly:

Like with Rey, Palpatine served no purpose in Kylo Ren’s story. The whole point of episode VIII and of killing Snoke, was to show how Kylo Ren is no longer a puppet to anyone else. He is now his own master and in charge of his own choices (that of going to the dark side). Yes, he was conditioned by Snoke to listen to his darkness, but at the end of Episode VIII, it was about him CHOOSING the dark side, and TROS should have focused on this instead of making him a puppet to someone else.

While there were some good moments for Kylo/Ben within TROS, like when he is confronted by the memory of Han Solo, it wasn’t nearly enough. Ben had no interaction with Luke and only 0.1 seconds with Leia which really hurt to watch. While her death was absolutely pointless and really made no sense, it hurts even more to see how much it impacted Ben. We saw nothing of a relationship between him and his mother in any of the episodes. They were shown to be so far away from each other, that it really made no sense to see how much her death impacted him. If you were going to do this, give her a death that matters, and at least give to us after you show some development between Ben and Leia.

I was also extremely upset at how Ben was treated after he chooses the light side. When Ben chose to throw his lightsaber into the water, that should have been his welcome home in the eyes of the Jedi who came before him. They should have been there for Ben like they were for Rey during her battle with Palpatine. Along with this. Ben should have been there helping Rey to defeat him. Showing her she wasn’t alone, not on some rocks down below forced to wait until the battle was over. When he climbed back up to Rey after the battle, the force ghosts should have been there with him, helping him to bring Rey back to life.

As some fans have noticed, Rey and Ben’s final moments together were shot very...off. As in, it looks like the events of Ben’s death were really shot in reverse and he wasn’t supposed to die. I’ve also seen that Daisy Ridley, Rey, was recently talking about the last scene of the movie. From certain reports, it seemed as if Ben was supposed to be there with her in the final shot. According to Ridley, the ending was supposed to be emotional and “tear worthy.” Yet, the ending wasn’t even close. Which once again leads me to believe that what we saw in the theater was not the original ending and instead was some last minute change that shows how much J.J. Abrams doesn’t care for Ben or his other characters.

Final thoughts on trash:

I could go on...and on…..and on about what bothered me in this movie because there is a lot that does (LANDO’S POINTLESS PRESENCE). But, in the end it really doesn’t matter. I know deep down that whatever happened with J.J. Abrams and the team behind TROS, that it wasn’t meant to be this way. Maybe it was Disney’s fault, maybe it was J.J. Abram’s fault ...I don’t know. All I do know, is that every character and every actor that was part of Star Wars deserved far better things from Episode IX than they got. I’m so sad this is where we ended up and I’m so sad at how we got here. And all I can do now is hopefully move on and up.

#Star Wars #The Rise of Skywalker #Episode XI #Spoilers #J.J. Abrams #TRASH #Reylo #Kylo Ren #Rey Skywalker #Palpatine #Finn x Poe #poe dameron #ben solo #ben skywalker #luke skywalker #leia organa

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thecrimsondandelion · 5 years ago

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pls can u just rant about 1990s eddie, everything and anything, he needs more love 🥺

Okay. Finally getting to this.

So, I L O V E Miniseries Edward Kaspbrak.

This might be all over the place, and long, this will mostly be adult Eddie, and at the end I’ll talk a little about young Eddie. (I have only read half of the book ffr) also some of this is from notes I took while drunkenly rewatching the miniseries. So it might not be great, but you only asked for a rant <3

Firstly, I don’t really like what It Chapter 2 did to Eddie, a risk analyst is a huge discredit to Eddie I think, because despite his traumas and abuse, in the book/miniseries Eddie owned his own limo business - which was VERY successful. Starting a business can be a huge risk, and that alone speaks volumes for his character. But looking into it, it shows he had intelligence, charisma, perseverance and bravery. You could put a lot of money into a business venture and have it completely flop, it’s a gutsy move. And Eddie Kaspbrak took a risk, and became damn successful.

Which leads me to my next problem with Ch.2 Eddie. The clothes he wears. Eddie’s fashion in the miniseries is immaculate, he dresses fucking amazing. Like described in the books, gucci loafers wearing bitch. He owns a successful business and he LOOKS like it, he shows pride in what he does and his achievements in how he dresses, in designer SHIT. He knows what looks good, he’s stylish and fairly effeminate - which I think is really great representation for other men, especially for when the movie was released/when it was set. miniseries Eddie Kaspbrak said no to toxic masculinity, you can be well put together, stylish, not to conform to typical overly masculine traits, and still be successful, brave and no less of a man. Successful and the only male adult loser with s t y l e. I’m sure there were so many men who felt relieved to see a character like Eddie Kaspbrak in the media.

Adult Ch.2 Eddie’s clothes were fugly which goes with his fugly stupid job. But something I didn’t really connect was in @letsgetreddie‘s post recently (which finally gave me the boost to finally get this ask done, thank you btw <3) was that adult ch.2 Eddie dressed how his mum dressed him as a child. Which, is just... another huge discredit to him as a character. I understand that’s probably what they were going for, but I still think it’s a huge discredit!!!! He was so much more than his mother’s abuse, and his fashion in the miniseries really amplified that to me. And as they also said in their post, that ain’t cute. 10 points to miniseries Eddie.

One of my favourite moments is when Eddie goes to the pharmacy and sees Mr. Keene. Eddie thanks him for trying to tell him the truth about his fake medicine, Mr. Keene (who at a point seemed to be Pennywise) grabs him, Eddie’s terrified but he doesn’t react violently, doesn’t shout, he very kindly asks to be let go. He doesn’t want to inflict any harm, and as somebody who’s worked in a care home, I really appreciate the kindness he had at that moment. That he wouldn’t harm Mr. Keene despite evil clown man being in him.

Eddie Kaspbrak in the miniseries, like I’ve seen in the book so far, at his core is very loving and kind. He’s not the “dude” “bro” snapping constantly at his friends type of guy. He loves the Losers, he thinks they’re hilarious, but he also stands up for himself, and can be a funny snarky shit (I hate it when you stutter my name Bill, you sound like Elmer Fudd - like damn child Eddie. Not an exact quote, but it was along those lines)

Speaking of kid Eddie. There’s the trauma he goes through living with his mother, the placebo medicine, the Munchausen Syndrome by proxy. He’s very sheltered and afraid of a lot of stuff, he panics a lot. But it’s so beautiful how strong he is when he’s with the Losers. For example at some point, when the Losers give him a concerned look (I think it was as they were going into the sewers) he says “I’m with my friends, right?” He sounded so brave and assured in himself.

When they’re fighting It as kids, after Stan is captured by Pennywise, Beverly is fumbling to get the slingshot and silver, and Eddie steps forward with his inhaler, and gives out the famous line “This is battery acid, you slime.” despite his sheltered lifestyle from his mother, her saying she didn’t want him to be around the Losers anymore, despite the fears he has, he steps forward to save his friends without hesitation. Which is SO FUCKING BRAVE, they’re CHILDREN.

Not only that, but when the pact is made, he also agreed to come back with no hesitation. With the Losers he’s brave and FREE.

I’ll just be adding on to the drunk notes I took while watching the miniseries last. I’m starting to lose concentration so this part won’t be structured at all, it’s just short ramblings.

- He still lives with his mother and I hate that. -10/10

- Didn't cut his fortune cookie with a fork 1/10 (Great moment in the book. Loved it. Sad that it didn’t make the miniseries)

R E D D I E. Eddie lying on the floor with Richie, cuddled on the couch with Beverly and Richie. The Reddie vibes are way stronger in the miniseries, and their moments together are so tender and sweet. The scene in the library where they’re giggling and playing with each other and he holds up the thing that says silence????? *CHEFS KISS*

He’s so damn SWEET in the miniseries, he looks like he’s having fun with the Losers, he looks free and at ease, like how it showed him as a kid. He looks safe with the Losers, and the whole thing with the Losers is that they stick together and feel safe with one another.

Obviously thinks Ben's hot - I wrote this when I was drunkenly watching so I don’t remember the part in particular, but I believe myself.

Eddie is giggling always, and I LOVE IT, I’m pretty sure he giggles a few times in the book, so where was it in the movies?? I love that they didn’t try to make him overly masculine, because from what I’ve read, that just isn’t Eddie. It doesn’t make him a weak character or person, he cries and that’s damn realistic, there’s an evil space clown that killed children. It’s just great that they made him so open, I love that.

Immaculate hair - Wrote this note drunk, but we all know his hair is immaculate, no need to say any more.

"I don't know what's going to happen when the sun comes up, but I do know that I appreciate what you've done for everyone" GIVES MIKE THE RESPECT AND RECOGNITION HE DESERVES.

H a n d s o m e Dennis Christopher is so handsome, and Eddie is one of the more attractive members of the adult miniseries Losers Club (along with Mike and Bev)

Eddie: convinces Richie to stay with a look and a touch - another quick note I took, this is as Richie talks about the chance of leaving Derry. Honestly, they’re in love, and I love it. Like I said, the reddie vibes are way better in the miniseries.

The “i believe in santa/tooth fairy/Easter bunny, but I don’t believe in you.” And then again, “this is battery acid, you slime” scene, this had me in tears when I first watched it. Again he puts himself in front of the Losers, to protect his best friends the others he LOOKS INTO THE DEADLIGHTS WITHOUT BEING CAUGHT IN THEM, and gets the other losers out of it. He’s gone through a lot of trauma, he still lived with his abuser in the miniseries, but he’s just so GOD DAMN BRAVE.

The only Eddie to get out of the sewers/neibolt street. And that’s how it SHOULD BE.

In conclusion. I love Miniseries Edward Kaspbrak, he’s a cutie, but he’s also brave as fuck. And I respect the fuck out of him. Isn’t a stupid risk analyst who says dude and bro like the movie. But also isn’t fatphobic like in the book.

I would trust Miniseries Eddie to watch my drink, he’s so sweet, and caring. And he’s the best adult Eddie.

#this is so all over the place im sorry #long post #eddie kaspbrak #miniseries it #it #reddie

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hellomynameisbisexual · 4 years ago

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I’d go so far as to say that the nomination probably saved the site, in fact. For those who need a little background: despite being a small voluntary project the site was nominated for the 2014 Publication of the Year award by Stonewall, the UK’s largest LGBT charity, just nine months after its inception. This was a landmark step in Stonewall’s positive new direction on bi issues. To the best of my knowledge, this was the first time Stonewall had specifically nominated a specifically bi publication or organisation for an award. At this point my co-founder, who was taking care of the business side of things, had recently jumped ship and I was seriously considering packing the whole thing in. I won’t lie, I was astonished to read the email.

I’d worked on a publication which won the award under my editorship a few years previously. Unlike Biscuit, however, g3 magazine – at the time one of the two leading print mags for lesbian and bi women in the UK – had an estimated readership of 140,000, had been going for eight years and boasted full-time paid office staff and regular paid freelancers. Biscuit, by contrast, was being dragged along by one weary unpaid editor and a bunch of unpaid writers who understandably, for the most part, couldn’t commit to regularly submitting work.

Little Biscuit’s enormous competition for the award consisted of Buzzfeed, Attitude.co.uk, iNewspaper and Property Week. We didn’t win – that accolade went to iNewspaper – but the nomination was nevertheless, as I say, a huge catalyst to continue with the site. I launched a crowdfunder, which finished way off target. I sold one ad space, for two months. Then nothing. I attempted in vain to recruit a sales manager but nobody wanted to work on commission. Some wonderful writers came and went. There were periods of tumbleweed when I frantically had to fill the site with my own writing, thereby completely defeating the object of providing a platform for a wide range of bi voices.

The Stonewall Award nomination persuaded me to keep going with the site

The departure of the webmaster was another blow. Thankfully by this point I had a co-editor on board – the amazing Libby – so I was persuaded to stick with it. And here we are now. I don’t actually know where the next article is coming from. That’s not a good feeling. But, apart from for Biscuit, I try not to write for free anymore myself, so I understand exactly why that is. As a freelance journo trying to make a living I’ve had to be strict with myself about that. I regularly post on the “Stop Working For Free” Facebook group and often feel a pang of misplaced guilt because I ask my writers to write for free, even though I’m working on the site for free myself, and losing valuable time I could be spending on looking for paid work.

Biscuit hasn’t exactly been a stranger to controversy, in addition to its financial and staffing issues. Its original tagline – “for girls who like girls and boys” – was considered cis-centric by some, leading to accusations that the site had some kind of trans/genderqueer*-phobic agenda. Which was amusing, as at the height of this a) we’d just had two articles about non-binary issues published and b) I was actually engaged to a genderqueer partner, a fact they were clearly unaware of. Now the site is under fire from various pansexual activists who object to the term “bisexual”. To clarify – “girl and boys” was supposed to imply a spectrum and, no, we don’t think “bi” applies only to an attraction to binary folk. The site aims the main part of its content at female-spectrum readers attracted to more than one gender because this group does have specific needs. But there is something here for EVERYONE bisexual. Anyway, it’s a shame all of this gossip was relayed secondhand, and the people in question didn’t think to confront me about it (which at least the pan activists have bothered to do). We damage our community immeasurably with these kinds of Chinese whispers.

Biscuit ed Libby, being amazing

Whilst trying to keep the site afloat, I’ve also been building on the work I started right back when I edited g3, and trying to improve bi visibility in other media outlets. I’ve recently had articles published by Cosmopolitan, SheWired, The F-Word, GayStar News and Women Make Waves and I’m constantly emailing other sites which I’ve not yet written for with bi pitches. Unfortunately, although I am over the moon to be writing for mainstream outlets such as Cosmo about bi issues, it’s been an uphill struggle trying to persuade some editors out there that they have more readers to whom bi-interest stories apply than they might think. It’s an incredibly exhausting and frustrating process.

Libby and I are doing our best with Biscuit. I can’t guarantee that I would be doing anything at all with it if Libby hadn’t arrived on the scene, so once again I would like to mention how fabulous she is. But we desperately need more writers. We need some help with site design and tech issues. We need a hand with the business and sales side of things. We can’t do it without you. And if you know any rich bisexual heiresses who read Biscuit, please do send them our way. 😉

Grant Denkinson’s story

denkinsonpanel

Grant speaks on a panel chaired by Biscuit’s Lottie at a Bi Visibility Day event

So first of all, explain a little about the activism you’re involved/have been involved in.  

“I’ve been involved with bisexual community organising for a bit over 20 years. Some has been within community: writing for and editing our national newsletter, organising events for bisexuals and helping others with their events by running workshop sessions or offering services such as 1st aid. I’ve spoken to the media about bisexuality and organised bi contingents at LGBT Pride events (sometimes just me in a bi T-shirt!). I’ve helped organise and participated in bi activist weekends and trainings. I’ve help train professionals about bisexuality. I’ve also piped up about bisexuality a lot when organising within wider LGBT and gender and sexuality and relationship diversity umbrellas. I’ve been a supportive bi person on-line and in person for other bi folks. I’ve been out and visibly bi for some time. I’ve helped fund bi activists to meet, publish and travel. I’ve funded advertising for bi events. I’ve set up companies and charities for or including bi people. I’ve personally supported other bi activists.”

 What made you get involved?

“ In some ways I was looking for a way to be outside the norm and to make a difference and coming out as bi gave me something to push against. I’ve been less down on myself when feeling attacked. I’ve also found the bi community very welcoming and where I can be myself and so wanted to organise with friends and to give others a similar experience. There weren’t too many others already doing everything better than I could.”

How do you feel about the state of bi activism worldwide (esp UK and USA) at the moment?

“There have been great changes for same-sex attracted people legally and socially and these have happened quickly. Bi people have been involved with making that happen and benefit from it. We can also be hidden by gay advances or actively erased. We still have bi people not knowing many or any other local bi people, not seeing other bisexuals in the mainstream or LGT worlds and not knowing or being able to access community things with other bis. We are little represented in books or the media and people don’t know about the books and zines and magazines already available. The internet has made it easy to find like-minded people but also limited privacy and I think is really fragmented and siloed. It is hard to find bisexuals who aren’t women actors, harmful or fucked up men or women in pornography designed for straight men. We have persistent and high quality bi events but they are sparse and small.”

What’s causing you to feel disillusioned?

“I’m fed up of bi things just not happening if I don’t do them. Not everything should be in my style and voice and I shouldn’t be doing it all. I and other activists campaign for bi people to be more OK and don’t take care of ourselves enough while doing so. People are so convinced we don’t exist they don’t bother with a simple search that would find us. We have little resources while having some of the worst outcomes of any group. I don’t want to spend my entire life being the one person who reminds people about bisexuals, including our so-called allies. I’m not impressed with the problem resolution skills in our communities and while we talk about being welcoming I’m not sure we’re very effective at it. I’m fed up with mouthing the very basics and never getting into depth about bi lives and being one who supports but who is not supported. I’m all for lowering barriers but at a certain point if people don’t actively want to do bi community volunteering it won’t happen. Some people are great critics but build little.”

What do you want to say to other activists about this?

“Why are we doing this personally? I’m not sure we know. How long will we hope rather than do? Honestly, are there so few who care? Alternatively should we stop the trying to do bi stuff and either do some self-analysis, be happy to accept being what we are now as a community, chill out and just let stuff happen or give up and go and do something else instead.”

Patrick Richards-Fink’s story

085d4de So first of all, explain a little about the activism you’re involved/have been involved in.

“Mostly internet – I am a Label Warrior, a theorist and educator. Here’s how I described it on my blog: “One of the reasons that I am a bisexual activist rather than a more general queer activist is because I see every day people just like me being told they don’t belong. It doesn’t mean I don’t work on the basic issues that we all struggle against — homophobia, heterosexism, classism, out-of-control oligarchy, racism, misogyny, this list in in no particular order and is by no means comprehensive. But I have found that I can be most effective if I focus, work towards understanding the deep issues that drive the problems that affect people who identify the same way that I have ever since I started to understand who I am. I find that I’m not a community organizer type of activist or a storm the capitol with a petition in one hand and a bullhorn in the other activist — I’m much better at poring over studies and writing long wall-o’-text articles and occasionally presenting what I’ve gleaned to groups of students until my voice is so hoarse that I can barely do more than croak.” So internet, and when I was still in school, a lot of on-campus stuff. Now I’m moving into a new phase where my activism is more subtle – I’m working as a therapist, and so my social justice lens informs my treatment, especially of bi and trans people.”

What made you get involved?

“I can’t not be.”

How do you feel about the state of bi activism worldwide (esp UK and USA) at the moment?

“I feel like we made a couple strides, and every time that happens the attacks renewed. I hionestly think the constant attempts to divide the bisexual community into ‘good pansexuals’ and ‘bad bisexuals’ and ‘holy no-labels’ is the thing that’s most likely to screw us.”

What’s causing you to feel disillusioned?  

“It is literally everywhere I turn – colleges redefining bisexuality on their LGBT Center pages, news articles quoting how ‘Bi=2 and pan=all therefore pan=better’, everybloodywhere I turn I see it every day. The word bi is being taken out of the names of organisations now, by the next group of up-and-comers who haven’t bothered to learn their history and understand that if you erase our past, you take away our present. Celebrities come out as No Label, wtf is that. Don’t they make kids read 1984 anymore? It’s gotten to the point now that even seeing the word pansexual in print triggers me. I’m reaching the point now that if someone really wants to be offended when all I am trying to do is welcome them on board, then I don’t have time for it.”

What do you want to say to other activists about this?

“Stay strong, and don’t give them a goddamned inch. I honestly think that the bi organizations – even, truth be told, the one I am with – are enabling this level of bullshit by attempting to be conciliatory, saying things that end up reinforcing the idea that bi and pan are separate communities. We try to be too careful not to offend anyone. Like the thing about Freddie Mercury. Gay people say ‘He was gay.’ Bi people say ‘Um, begging your pardon, good sirs and madams and gentlefolk of other genders, but Freddie was bi.’ And they respond ‘DON’T GIVE HIM A LABEL HE DIDN’T CLAIM WAAHHH WAAHHH!’ And yet… Freddie Mercury never used the label ‘gay’, but it’s OK when they do it. And he WAS bisexual by any measure you want to use. But we back down. And 2.5% of the bisexual population decides pansexual is a better word, and instead of educating them, we add ‘pan’ to our organisation names and descriptions. Now, this is clearly a dissenting view – I will always be part of a united front where my organization is concerned. But everyone knows how I feel, and I think it’s totally valid to be loyal and in dissent at the same time. Not exactly a typically American viewpoint, but everyone says I’d be a lot more at home in Britain than I am here anyway.”

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merry-melody · 5 years ago

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Hi! If you’re up for it, I want to hear your takes about season two Klaus. All your TUA takes have been amazing food for thought and I saw you said something about season two sucking (sorry tag stalking). I’m intrigued, have my own laundry list of problems with s. 2 and would love to compare notes if you’re interested. Thanks for putting Klaus gif sets on my dash again!

You read my mind, I was just batting around the idea of a rant! (Especially as I flunked a test yesterday, so I’m in the mood for distraction.) So thanks 💌 And share your own ideas away, please, I love discussion.

*cracks knuckles*

So, my issues with S2!Klaus (and how ultimately those issues were reflected by the writing etc. of all the characters)

* Lack of time - So, comparing, Klaus has approximately 2 hours of screentime in S1 (counting in scenes with the ensemble in which he may not be central, but is present) and approx. 1 hr 25 mins in S2. (I haven’t compared screentime for each sibling, although Ben’s would necessarily mesh with a lot of Klaus’. If anyone else does, shout, I’d be interested to see the numbers!) We also know from cast interviews/social media etc. that alternate material was cut/edited for a particular approach.

So, necessarily, you’re going to have less time to get across your arc for your character. Luckily, no one really has one here, with almost every advancement being reset in preparation for S3 and presumably yet another fresh start.

We learn little about Klaus that we didn’t already know (deals with conflict by substance abuse, motivated largely by love for Dave) and he’s not involved in much of the plot for whatever reason (the Swedes don’t pursue him, despite him being presumaby famous); so his main purpose here is comic relief. (And it turns out...Umbrella Academy is not super-hot on writing humour, if the 18305 fart jokes didn’t clue anyone in. I was not surprised to learn they retained none of the S1 writers, as there was an appreciably different approach this season that didn not work for me.)

-> Overarching issue: Huge chunks of the siblings character development was mainly offscreen or described in reams of exposition (which definitely happened in S1, but one would expect better writing by a second season.) I get that it’s necessary in a time travel plot in the style they chose to write (e.g. the siblings scattering across different years) but it’s pretty glaring. There’s also a quantity of filler for stuff that wasn’t really necessary (the Handler, the Swedes, Pogo/Reginald/Grace storyline) and is a shame when there was less interaction between all combinations of the siblings, and Ben was still undercharacterised.

* Lack of ghosts - If you take away the powers which brought the kids into Reginald’s sphere, and in Klaus’ case were presented in S1 as a power that’s uniquely awful and difficult to overcome (even drugs and alcohol only seemed to give him respite for a short time – we see he dreams about ghosts and starts to see them after only a few hours) without a reason (I’d give the latter half of S1 the benefit of the doubt and say with the impending apocalypse, we can assume all we need to about offscreen withdrawal etc. from what we saw in 1.6 and 1.7 and just chalk up no extra ghosts to distraction on Klaus’ behalf and the effort summoning Ben; but in S2, not so much.) you’ve basically just…halved your character.

It almost suggests that Reginald’s view is correct, Klaus can apparently control his power and overcome the ghosts (as well as easily master his addiction, also offscreen) and the only reason he struggles is because of his own cowardice/narcissism/selfishness (not wanting to save Vanya/starting a cult/not wanting to ‘share Ben’ as I believe Steve Blackman put it.) Which isn’t to say Klaus, like all the sibs isn’t massively flawed; it’s just the ways in which he’s flawed are either a departure from previous canon or else…well, I’ll go into that in the cult discussion.

-> Overarching issue: lack of powers. I was going to compare this to a sibling, like if you’d just started S2 where Five no longer time travels and just never mentioned it, ever; but actually, I think almost all the characters’ powers and the effect they bring to their lives was fairly underused.

Allison is about the only one who does anything interesting, in that she seems to fall off the wagon herself in terms of trying not to use her powers (and the promise they may deal with this eventually instead of pairing her up endlessly is one of the few reasons for me to tune in to S3.)

Vanya’s character development and her inability to control her emotions is essentially divorced from her S1 incarnation with the memory loss dominating most of the season.

Luther they backed and forthed about in S1 in terms of presenting him as damaged; actively benefitting and winning approval for his strength; and as comedic; which I think was doubled down on here (his yelling ‘Look what you did to me!’ to Reginald being accompanied by the reaction shots of the others eyerolling/spit-taking; jaunty musical cues; and ‘Check please!’ punch line.)

Five, like Luther and Diego, seemed significantly dumber in a way that really only made sense as a contrivance (aka, Five needed to never once have considered using his gift to move across smaller amounts of time so he’d Suddenly Realise in the finale; and he needed to not realise that meeting their father would…get this, affect what their father might do and therefore their own lives so that we can get the ‘Oh shit!’ ending.)

The beginning montage of S2.1 seemed pointless – like, I get that you introduce elements every season in preparation for the next, I’m not media illiterate; but I feel like it’s not too much to ask that when you present something in the very first episode of 10 that you refer back to why it was included.

Why did everyone have an expert handling on their powers here, and work together, and why was it more satisfying than the actual finale?

Why did only Diego and Vanya realise their own power potential at the end of the tenth episode, apropros of nothing?

Is it on purpose that Allison is always contrivedly damselled since she could actually have some impact on the plot?

Why not include Lila mirroring Klaus’ power, what with her being a killer with presumably a few ghosts around her?

Lack of addiction – Why was Klaus clean? We see him ready to revert to old habits in stressful moments close to the end of S1, and yet here he seems to have overcome his addiction as portrayed by…a half-second shot of him refusing a joint, and yet more exposition from poor Ben. (We can assume it’s easier for him to quit since he’s not avoiding constantly ghostly visitations, but since we also have no reason for that presented in-show, we’re sort of going in circles.)

Is he sober for Dave? We don’t really delve into his realisation that Dave’s death can be avoided, and he doesn’t show any indications of having considered the issue at all over the three years of being in the sixties. (I’ve seen the headcanon that he’s staying sober in case his siblings are dead, and I think it’s lovely, but also that it’s giving way too much credit to the writing this season. Remember we see the very concept that the whole family have died presented as comical in the first episode – ‘They’re all gone! Poof! Like a fart in the wind!’ complete with humourous whimpering expression.)

Neither does he maintain his sobriety even temporarily in order to communicate with Dave prior to realising/believing his actions have come to nothing.

All totally believable, the guy’s an addict (although I do feel the comedic approach does weaken the believability of this link to Dave somewhat – I feel like Klaus, like his brothers this season, is portrayed here as going beyond their previous incarnations as thoughtless/spacy/self-involved etc. into actively stupid, and stuff like him only thinking to approach Dave twice – with years to prepare! – and not even remembering Dave’s uncle’s name correctly qualifies more as the latter than the former.) but it does then just create more questions as to how easily he quit offscreen, and suggests a plot written backwards from what they wanted the end result to be, rather than what that arose organically.

(I also think that there’s very little difference in the writing for him from sobriety to addiction, in terms of set pieces, dialogue, acting etc and I’d be interested to hear about the direction of the scenes prior to that; because I’m never quite convinced with UA that they have much to say on addiction or substance abuse beyond ‘Spacy hippy = amusing.’)

-> Overarching issue: Events having a lack of impact on the story – What was the point of the cult plotline? We learn very little about Klaus (to the point where 90% of the whole thing is just regurgitated pop culture references) – apparently he’s narcissistic (we know this because like everything in this season, we’re told it, repeatedly, just like: ‘Luther is sensitive.’ ‘Diego has a hero complex and daddy issues.’) but then, include scenes of him enjoying the adulation!

Here they’re basically using the same template for Allison in S1, where she’s manufactured a life of celebrity for herself but grown tired of it before we even meet her.

Ben gets to deliver yet more unconvincing exposition about how they left Real Lives, it’s very much not backed up by the writing - we get no sense of the cult members as real people (beyond Life of Brian jokes about how sheeplike they are) or that we’re intended to see their interactions with the group as anything but comedy relief. This post touches on how if you take the plot in any way seriously, it doesn’t work.

Likewise, none of the siblings actions really made much of an impact on the story. Luther working for Jack Ruby went nowhere; Vanya and Allison’s families conveniently stayed behind in the sixties; the JFK obsession was a bust; the Swedes are pointless. Like, if you’re going to give each person an individual subplot rather than have characters interact and actually establish links between them that enable an audience to emotionally engage; then have it serve either individual development or the overarching story.

* Dave – Who is Dave? We’ve gone from informed attributes from Klaus and, what, 2 minutes of screentime in which he had maybe three lines to…he likes hamburgers! I get that he’s a character who will probably return, but I’m still not sure why we’re supposed to invest in him when the show has done almost no groundwork over two seasons in establishing who he is. Compare this to Sissy or Raymond, who were far more fleshed out in less time. (I’ll also throw S2 a bone and say Patch in S1 also fell victim to undercharacterisation that was then supposed to make a big impact on a lead.)

The younger version seemed contrived in order to string out storyline for longer without resolution, as it made no sense with previous casting, but I’d guess, gives Klaus a reason to do nothing until there’s like, a week before Dave signing up for ‘Nam (as presumably if Dave was the grown adult we saw a mere five years on, there’d be no barriers to them just…dating in the sixties. We need manufactured conflict!) although I still think, idk, get this! – you could link your plots here. (Got a cult spanning continents and with pull with local government, and not only does this not link into Allison’s subplot beyond Ben busting out Ray; but you’d think maybe the cult might, I don’t know…protest the war that’s going on? The one that’s going to kill Dave?)

-> Overarching issue: More importantly, who is Ben?

Instead of brothers bickering endlessly (and flatly – Justin Min is funny! So’s Robert Sheehan! Could they have some dialogue that doesn’t sound like irritating eleven year olds: ‘Idiot.’ ‘Really?’ ‘Have you showered?’ ‘I hate your face.’), wouldn’t it be awesome if we found out more about who Ben is, and his situation?

We know he can disappear– is that some kind of freedom for him from Klaus, or does he just go…nowhere? (Steve Blackman iirc said Ben is always with Klaus, but then stuff like him not knowing about Klaus sleeping with Jill, or Klaus saying he’s shy about Ben seeing him fully nude doesn’t mesh with that. We know they can separate to a certain extent, as we see him on the lower level of the cult’s bus while Klaus rides up top.) It seems probable he can interact with other ghosts, although we don’t really see much of this.

Is this is his first experience time travelling - we still don’t know if he was in Vietnam, and his S1 POV of Dave seemed like he’d personally met him, but in S2, he’s describing the whole thing far less emotively as a ‘fling’.)?

Is this an insight into how Ben, like his siblings, was damaged by his upbringing by Reginald into viewing emotions as something to personally exploit (aka when he wants Klaus to sober up, he’ll use Dave as a reason to, but when he believes Dave risks his brother’s peace of mind, he’ll dismiss the relationship?) Or is Ben the sole Good One?

Could we see a reaction from him at the concept of all his siblings being considered dead? Or some interaction with them? (Or some reaction to his death, because basically, Reginald coopts his funeral to rag on the siblings, who then tear each other apart; but what do we learn about Ben himself? Uh...died on a mission?) Wouldn’t having him vocalise this actually deepen him and his character and create sympathy as opposed to vomit gags and sex swings? Could the other siblings show some kind of normal curiosity for once, developing them also; considering Klaus literally says ‘I’m Ben’ and ‘(I’m) possessed’; and Five sees Ben in the alternate 1963?

I didn’t get the vibe Ben ever became a character independent of Klaus.

Steve Blackman seems to have a view of him that’s kind of flatly generic, where upon he’s the innately best one, with a moral wisdom the others lack; which irritates me not only because it’s not really consistent with what we see onscreen – like, in Vanya’s hallucination, we see Ben as the only one to speak up for her, but in S1 we see that Ben is as quick to exclude Vanya as any one else – but it also undercuts Reginald’s abuse by making Ben immune to his abuse in a way the others aren’t. Ben deserves to be complicated and flawed too, and while I think we see his flaws onscreen, they’re not acknowledged like the others are, so it’s hard to say if the writers were going for ‘Ben was treated like an object all his life so he treats others the same’ or ‘lulz, bodily autonomy and consent aren’t a thing.’

I feel like we already knew from S1 that Klaus felt guilt over Ben’s death but was also happy to use Ben as a mouthpiece while ignoring his actual opinions; and that Ben cared about Klaus but was bitter and envious Klaus was alive while he wasn’t.

The ‘light’ thing I think was introduced too late for something that retroactively alters their entire relationship. (Not to mention Klaus’ power) and makes them both far more manipulative and mutually abusive than I think the show intended.

My first thought as a comparison was ‘What Happened to Baby Jane?’, tbh, like if you analyse it on any kind of literal level, Klaus basically prevents Ben from going to heaven in order to be his constant companion, and despite the tacked on ‘Oh, I always thought that was my fault!’ acts as if the opposite were true throughout the rest of the show’s run. And Ben, equally, allows his brother to take on the burden of believing that while knowing for 17 years that it was his own decision not to go on.

* Interactions with Family - I missed Diego and Klaus interacting (I felt like they leaned way into the less interesting side of Diego – wannabe Batman with daddy issues; and further away from his more nurturing/feminine side that appeared most with Klaus and Grace. I don’t buy S1!Diego would be like ‘ah well, overdose on the floor, then’ or that the writers understand that lines like that reflect on his characterisation as much as the sibling in question’s.) Luther and he didn’t really have an individual exchange like in S1, and kind of wavered between nice moments like Luther using his size to protect Allison and Klaus; and ‘lololol, Luther’s dragging him by the foot.’ Five and Klaus interacted far less (I literally sat trying to think of any S2 moments. ‘Pukebag?’) It was good to see Vanya and Klaus exchange more words than S1, so there’s an upgrade. And about one of the sole things I did enjoy in S2 was the Klaus and Allison interactions.

-> Overarching issue: There was way less interaction between characters generally. Halfway through the season is ridiculously late to reunite your main cast. The cast talked about how the Diego/Allison interaction was adlibbed by Emmy, and while she’s a queen, your cast should absolutely not have to be adlibbing stuff like ‘two siblings acknowledge each other’s existence’.

(I noticed this seemed to be a trend, also, like all the actors talked about the consideration they’d put into their roles – Tom Hopper talking about how Luther was seeking an alternate father figure in Jack Ruby and working for the first time in his life; Emmy talking about how Allison’s privilege within the Umbrella Academy and then as a celebrity blinded her to racial prejudice; David Castaneda talking about how Patch’s death affected Diego in S2 – when it seemed like they’d made far more effort than the writers themselves.)

Characters barely looked for each other, and had little reaction to the mutual assumption they’d all died. No one told each other anything, even stuff that might be helpful (’Guys, there’s these Swedish assassins trying to murder me!’) All stuff that was in S1, it’s just weird to see comments saying ‘Aw, everyone bonded much more in this season!’ when if anything, it felt even more contrived. I didn’t get the impression anyone cared about anyone more than the writers cared about joke potential – one episode, Allison is grimacing maternally and covering her brother with a blanket; next her reaction to what she herself assumes is ‘a seizure’ is not to move from her chair. A bunch of the Five vs Five plotline other than gas is whether or not one of them can talk Luther into killing the other first. If one person reaches out to another, it’s almost verboten that other characters could do similiarly, so if Vanya’s reaching out to ask Diego if he’s okay; we know no one else will give a shit, etc.

I feel like the desire to present all the siblings as more entertaining-awful than actually damaged takes some of the complexity away. The removal of flashbacks of them as children compounded this, like it just seemed like the show was much more focused on mocking the characters for their issues/establishing Official Character Flaws that are generally softened in some way or else skipping over them entirely (could we put in the work into reestablishing Vanya into the fold when she and her siblings have damaged each other and spent years estranged, and she ended the season emotionally broken? Why, when we can introduce a hackneyed amnesia plot which completely erases any emotional impact?) and the predestination stuff with Reginald skated around almost excusing his abuse – what on earth was that scene in which Five apologises to him for how he behaved in childhood?!

Everyone fit more into boxes. Season 1 had conflicting attributes where sometimes Luther say is gentle, other times bullying and cruel. Klaus could be selfish and empathetic. Here it’s just throwing out scraps for stuff that seems memeable: lololol, Diego and Luther are himbo energy!1 Representation! Winks to the audience about incest! ‘I’m sexy trash!’ (It’s also bizarre when we see Klaus in S1 is suffering a far more immediate PTSD than three years on, and yet is swifter to intervene when his siblings are in need.) ‘It’s an awesome reference!’ (awful lines, ugh.)

#the umbrella academy #ua meta #meta #klaus hargreeves #kierkegarden

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brittie-frog · 5 years ago

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Haunting of Bly Manor

Right.

I love horror and after spending sometimes days watching video essays on gay history, specifically in (horror) movies and film, I now kinda understand why so with the Haunting series and its gay rep and them not being the villain of the story, I loved it.

(Quick note I have only rewatched the show twice and can only take from my own experience of media)

My phone also knows me so will suggest news stories on things I've recently watched or current murder cases. So it suggested me this story today:

I went in open minded knowing that some people were angry about the ending falling into the 'kill the gays' trope (which I will come back to).

At first it was fine, talking about the ghost story/love story comment and how it relates to the show and has good analysis that I agree with. Then it goes on to basically summarise the show.

It keeps mentioning that all the gay subtext is implied:

why Dani broke up with her fiance

why Jaimie is reluctant to be vulnerable with Dani (before the monologue)

And that there needs to be a “lot of filling in between the lines” to understand their romance despite their practically constant flirting (Jaimie's 'Poppins' for Dani is the cutest nickname) and multiple kissing scenes. However, I digress, it can be sometimes hard to understand certain attitudes to each other at the beginning.

It also states that its like they want on the pat on the back for "making them queer, without making anything about them very queer". I don't know what this means, but I took two interpretations:

That not all queer people need to stereotypically look queer to be and that is a step forward for gay rep (I prefer)

That the creator wants to be celebrated for making gay rep without truely showing their queerness (which I think is pretty false)

Then it talks about the fireside chat and Jaimie's backstory, describing the monologue as "shoehorned" into the scene and "devoid of any mention of her sexuality". This is where the first part of my 10 minute research for context comes in. This is set in 1987 in a small town in England with an American. In charge of England at the time was the famously homophobic Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher that implemented Clause 28. No one in this setting and right mind - especially after being ridiculed for most of her life - would come out to any one, flirting or not, that they have known for at most a month or two. Also, this entire scene resolves around Jaimie's attitudes towards people, and why she's reluctant to get close to people, favouring taking care of her flowers over interacting with others.

Then it talks about Owen and Mrs. Grose having "more meaningful screen time and backstories that continue throughout multiple episodes".

First Hannah. We basically get Hannah's entire backstory in episode 5: how she met Owen, scenes of her working at the Manor (in non-chronological order) and how she died in the first episode. Then that continued into the final episode when she finally comes to terms with her death and her love for Owen to save everyone. We don't actually get much backstory in the way of her childhood or even how she met the family (from what I remember, correct me if I'm wrong).

Now Owen. His backstory is that he grew up in Bly, left to go to France and became a Sous Chef, only coming back because his mum got diagnosed with dementia and he needed to take care of her despite her constantly mistaking him for other people. That is also only explored through Hannah's memories of the interview and the bonfire-side chat.

Those are both sad backstories but you can't call them any more or less meaningful than Jaimie's of in depth about how her and her family were ridiculed and bullied throughout her life and even spent time in juvie. They all have points mentioned in their stories that I would love more indepth on: how Hannah met the family/met Sam, either Owen's childhood in Bly or his time in France and why Jaimie spent time in juvie. But I also realise this is a short series that has to make fleshed out characters and tell an entire story in 8 episodes.

The article then talks about how even the ghosts got an entire episode to themselves when they barely show up. If you look in the background of the majority of scenes you'll see them and personally I really enjoy getting their stories of how they died. However, that episode is about more than just finding out about the ghosts and Viola's life, it’s mainly about what led to her being the first ghost and causing other dead people to stay as ghosts and the origin of those specific words that give a ghost access to an alive person’s body, to help explain the majority of the show. If I showed my friend this show and removed that episode I would have more questions asked than when my mum finished it.

Now I don’t know what to say. I agree there is no law on art so it can be anything and I usually think that the haunting series are in a slightly different universe (it’s how sleep at night knowing that someone can’t be so stubborn they become a murdering ghost) but also yes, trans-roles should be given to trans people more often. However they are actors and their job is to play some they aren’t for entertainment so for the most part I agree with Scarlett about being able to play anything. Also yes the self-congratulatory approach after playing an LGBT+ character when you’re cishet is kinda bad unless you have the full support of the community telling you it was a good portrayal and accurate representation. It won’t be enough for minorities if our representation, that people outside the communities are calling great, are just surface level characters that are just there for tokenism but you can’t compare Bly Manor characters to those types of characters. All of them have so much development and are well done that the majority of the community that has watched the show have no problem with and love their representation.

Personally I love both Theo Crain and Jaimie and Dani because they represent different things. Theo Crain is on a basic level. as a lothario, a stereotypical butch lesbian, constantly hooking up and struggles to actually open up and love people. Dani and Jaimie are soft, domestic cottage core lesbians in a flower shop AU. This is not a bad thing and just because they have a “tepid romance” doesn’t mean it’s a step back. Also more context time:

As said before Thatcher was in charge and heavily homophobic, creating laws to stop people from teaching children about homosexuality since gay sex had been decriminalised recently

It was the middle of the AIDs epidemic. Dani was coming from a country that was doing nothing about the deaths of thousands and going to a country where hysteria about AIDs was rampant but they were doing more, like the ‘AIDs: don’t die of ignorance’ information leaflet despite it not being as huge with 46 deaths by 1984. (That assumes that the AIDs epidemic happened in this universe)

Dani clearly had some form of internalized homophobia before even coming to England because she spent so long with her fiance hoping to feel the way she’s supposed to (I think the ghost of him is her guilt and internalized issues personified as it constantly appears when she’s trying to move forward.)

Also in the final episode it shows that is probably at least some homophobia in America as they kiss in the shop then look outside and go to the back so no one can see. (This could be interpreted as seeing if anyone is planning on coming in so they can escape without having to stop early for customers but Jaimie had already changed the sign to closed.)

Now onto the ‘kill the gays’ trope. Yes this is a huge trope that is so damaging to the community that we’re constantly the ones killed off for views or when their tokenism is no longer important, that is fucked up! However this doesn’t mean that we should give every gay character plot armour, cause that’s also unrealistic, just to please the select few that will call it out as a damaging trope. There is huge difference between say, The 100 killing Lexa and Bly Manor killing Dani as one has plot relevance and brings the story to a close while the other enraged an entire generation so much they started a brand new convention to celebrate queer relationships/characters in media. It’s also not like she was the only one to die, it’s horror after all, Hannah, Rebecca and Peter, the parents and all those ghosts died or were already dead.

Like many of the comments on the article - If all you got from this show was it falls into kill the gays, you have completely missed the entire point of the show.

#bly manor netflix #haunting of bly manor #dani and jamie #just my thoughts #ramblings #this is a product of my frustration

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moonelf19 · 5 years ago

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tanely said: agreed with this matt deff tries to give narration by character! but i’m also super curious if its because Veth specifically said WHAT she was looking for. Fjord was looking for “anything he recognized” and in gold piles of stuff it wasnt a specific look. but Veth went “i’m searching for that specific item” which made her search a focused effort

rocketmouse said: I’m still confused over the fact that items like the flask and especially Caleb’s necklace didn’t come up on Cad’s Detect Magic. They’re both magic items, and so should have pinged.

rocketmouse said: As for Travis’ 21 vs Sam’s, I think Matt read into it as Travis asking if there were things from Vandren or his crew that he recognized, and a 21 getting a no lends credence to the theory that he’s not there.

I mean I’m definitely in the boat of “matt will change the dc for a lot of reasons” and simultaneously “matt is a human and can only handle so many requests at one time”

When Fjord made that investigation check he said “I’m looking for anything I recognize, anything I personally or someone else had”

Matt is kind of distracted as he says that nothing catches Fjords eye. If Matt thought he meant Vandren then he should have clarified. He normally would. As it is, Travis asked for anything Fjord would recognize- like gear. 21 is an excellent roll, I know Veth churns them out as a minimum for investigation but it’s still a great roll.

After more fire damage Veth asks if she can look for her gun and the periapt of wound closure. Rolls a 21. Matt describes with detail how she finds the gun down in the silt and muck along with the necklace, and Travis does a sort of, how would I describe it, salty/bitter/jaded/indignant/frustrated/disappointed head tilt. Like “oh cool when I do the thing it gets brushed aside but Veth does the same thing and gets rewarded”.

It’s a pretty quick reaction but this whole interaction starts here (https://youtu.be/PWMlvpyFm-E?t=1421) and at 24:53 ish Matt starts describing what she found, at about 25;03 Travis does the little head dip.

It seems kind of unfair to

Have a time constraint

Constantly skip players turns/ be inconsistent about who gets to have a turn

Inflict fire damage every minute or so of real time

Give different rewards for the same roll

They were forced to talk over each other, Travis stayed quiet for the most part in order to let everyone problem solve, and when he did try to take an action he made it quick and simple to minimize disruption. His reward was to be brushed off, which he seemed fine with until Sam made the same roll multiple times and was repeatedly rewarded with more loot.

Idk. That whole “escape/loot the caldera” scene rubbed me the wrong way because of how unfair it was, people had to butt in and talk across each other, they took fire damage inconstantly, some people got to do way more actions than others, some peoples actions were ignored...

It was messy. Personally I would have had a timer and initiative. At the top of each round they took fire damage and maybe use the timer to make sure nobody is having a super long turn. But everyone should have gotten the same amount of actions, and Matt was struggling to keep track of where everyone was and held them in the middle for 3 rounds instead of one or two after they got the buff from Jester.

If two players get the same roll, especially if one player is doing the same roll over and over, I certainly wouldn’t reward the player repeating their action over the one who did ONE THING the entire time they were escaping.

I guess I feel like Fjord got pushed into the background and didn’t get to do anything but shovel gold.

In the end? Not a big deal. Almost all the items were returned I think, they got a huge load of gold. Everyone made it out alive.

Sometimes Matt does stuff I don’t understand, and that’s not only ok but understandable. Sometimes I make a call that he would likely disagree with or do differently.

I’m just of the mind that Fjord should have gotten something, should have walked out of there with something for his 21. Travis is more reserved, doesn’t push Fjord into the spotlight. When he does step up and ask for something I wish it would get attention. He could have seen Cad’s wok, he could have seen the dagger of denial, there are lots of things he would have recognized as he was digging through the pile. There were two casts of detect magic while he and Beau unearthed loot. Maybe he would have made an offhand comment about giving the item back. Or maybe he would have used it as an opportunity to check in on someone.

Ah well. Such is the way!

#critical role #meta #its not a big deal #its the result of their group dynamic #its my own fault i am more attached to some characters over others #lets just not talk about why 20int Caleb would try to cast a 10min ritual spell in boiling water #dont worry about it

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mearcatsreturns · 5 years ago

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From Illusion to Reality, or Luka in ER’s Seasons 10-12

A couple days ago, I got a lovely anon who wanted me to talk about Luka’s journey from season 11 to 12. I may have gone overboard and expanded it. If you’re not interested in the whole, hella long post, I’ll summarize it in a couple pictures:

I’ll put it under a cut, because of how long it is, but I’d love comments and dialogue!

To talk about Luka’s trajectory from season 11 to season 12, I think it’s very important to consider season 10 Luka. His “coming back from the dead” served as a sort of topical soft reset on his character--at least to him. That is, while it undoubtedly deeply affected him and those around him and does seem to have led him to important realizations, it didn’t actually change his personality or his desires and loves.

Firstly, when Luka comes back from Africa, sick and with another woman, it’s still readily apparent that his love for Abby hasn’t gone anywhere. He might be able to deal with it better and not self-destruct to the same extent, but at least initially, what was Gillian (and later Sam, but that was more involved)? He’s the same Luka at work, too, though the outward trappings seem different. He still cares about caring for his patients, though he’s still in crisis mode. He has the same disregard for bureaucracy, though it’s about treating as many patients as quickly as he can to help the largest number of them instead of spending all his time with his patients, etc.

It’s so interesting, because for the first half of season 10, Luka is torn between wanting to go back to Africa--where he even said things seemed simpler--and moving forward, probably with Abby. He legit lights up around her and is looking out for her constantly, and the only reasons they didn’t get together then were fear, some small misunderstandings, and a misguided sense of propriety. Then you can see it happening again--Luka backs off from Abby because he seems to think she’s hung up on Carter and because she’s his student. It’s not as hopeless as before, so he doesn’t spiral out of control, but he legitimately does the same thing he did in season 9 on a smaller scale. Sam thinks Luka is hot, he’s good with Alex, so she makes a pass at him, and Luka passively goes along with her making a move. Sound familiar? Yeah. The biggest difference is that Luka has realized that he was deeply unhappy with non-monogamy, so even though he falls back into sleeping with Gillian pretty quickly (after he forgot about her visit, lmao), when Sam is willing to grant him the opportunity for even a little bit of commitment, he takes it.

Relatedly, Alex is a huge part of his journey in season 10 and 11. Or rather, Luka’s continuing longing for family and fatherhood. We’ve seen that from pretty much the beginning, and the only time it didn’t seem to be a huge driving force for him was with Abby. When he can’t have Abby and his love for her is thwarted, it’s like he looks for that kind of fulfillment from this idealized notion of family and being a dad again (see: Nicole, Sam). It’s not surprising to me that as Luka thinks Abby is unavailable and uninterested in him, he gets close to child...who has a single mother who thinks he’s good-looking.

It’s not a good fit. Abby describes hers and Carter’s relationship as doomed from the start, and you can easily talk about Luka and Sam the same way. I could do a more Doylist explanation, but there’s plenty of in-universe material to say this--they and their relationship are plagued by problems from the very beginning. They’re never on the same page, any of them--not Sam, Alex, or Luka. Luka has a hard time articulating what he really does want from them, probably because he doesn’t want to fully examine that for himself. After all, if he has a good woman who cares about him and child he can be a father figure to--though not a father--why would he not be happy? Sam seems to want stability and sex, and Alex...Alex wants a friend. So yes, while there are a lot of external issues that come up, the primary impediment to Luka’s happiness with Sam and Alex (and for them as well!) is internal.

As we go into season 11, we see, strangely enough, that Luka can’t be around Abby anymore while he’s with Sam. Like, @somekindofflowergirl and I were looking and thinking about it, and we’re not sure he’s capable of talking to Abby when Sam is around until season 12 (not for more than a few sentences about whatever case they’re working on, at any rate). He starts brushing her off more and more, culminating in him all but dismissing her in 11.02 (shockingly, right after he tells Sam he loves her. Almost like there’s a correlation there, hmmmm). Instead, he focuses on his friendship with Carter and his relationships with Sam and Alex.

As the season goes on, Luka gets more miserable. Carter gets caught up in his own issues, Kerry and Susan are too busy to be there for him, and he’s busy pushing Abby away. But the tension is creeping into his home life, too. Alex lets him know in no uncertain terms that he will never view him as a father. Sam at first drags her feet about moving in with Luka, and then it seems like they have maybe a month or two of living before it sours and never recovers. He just...flounders again. Not as severely or apparently as in season 9, but he’s clearly looking for something again by the end of season 11.

Luka and Sam are on the precipice of breaking up at the end of season 11, but they prolong it for a variety of reasons. On the surface, it’s for Alex’s sake. In reality, it’s because they both want things from their lives that they get all the trappings of together, even if neither of them is happy with it. I mean, it gets to the point where they can hardly talk at work or home, and Sam even says she doesn’t think they should be together. Then the situation with Steve, Alex’s birth father, blows up and worsens things, and Alex runs away.

When they’re in the middle of nowhere in this crisis, Luka and Sam actually have to confront how poorly their relationship is going. Well, Sam does, though Luka is still feeling that fear of not having anything left if he loses Sam and Alex completely. But Sam says it eventually--they’ve been pretending for a long time. The truth is out, even when Alex is back.

Luka, for all his many good qualities, does not handle life deviating from his plan or idea very well. He just straight up goes into denial (again, a recurring theme with him).

BUT he also does something very right. He lets Abby back in. In season 12, a year after he blows her off, she tentatively reaches out again, just wanting to know if he’s okay after a case. She fully expects him to brush her off again, and you can see the surprise, delight, and relief when he opens up to her. And it’s interesting, because he tells her that he doesn’t want to talk about it with Sam, and that’s probably why Sam is moving out.

Luka tries to talk to Sam in lockup, though he doesn’t offer any changes, which is fairly telling. And he says something even more telling: “I don’t want this to be one more thing I messed up.” He’s not so afraid of losing Sam herself or Alex, he just doesn’t want to have messed up at love (Abby) and family (his kids and even Danijela) again. He wants to be husband and dad because he remembers being happy in those roles, and even though Sam and Alex didn’t give him that, they gave him a lesser version of it. And since our Catholic boy loves rolling in that guilt and self-blame, he seems to think he should just take what he can get since he’s not worthy of more. When Sam and Alex can’t and won’t even give him crumbs anymore, he...I don’t know. He doesn’t really fall apart, because his heart isn’t really in it. It hasn’t been for a long time, if it ever was in more than a performative way (and Luka, for better or for worse, is not a fake-it-til-you-make-it kind of person).

Once again, though, Abby is there at a moment where he’s willing to be vulnerable. And he says something so honest about what he wants: to be seen (12.03, “if it were me...would anyone know who I am?”). Abby’s yes, combined with her just being there for him unasked, seems to immediately grant him peace in that regard. He is seen and he is cared for.

Luka never shows any signs of having feelings for Sam again, though he still looks out for her and Alex if they seem to be in trouble, but it’s no more than he’s done for friends and even strangers. In fact, they’re so back to friendly and professional by the next episode that it’s annoying and counter-productive when Eve tries scheduling them for different shifts.

Something else seems to have happened: Luka doesn’t rush off into an ill-advised romance or series of hookups. He isn’t pining, but he’s not frantically searching for family and fatherhood again, either. Given that each episode has them having a nice scene together that emphasizes their growing closeness and comfort together, it isn’t unreasonable to think that Abby is part of this. He isn’t pushing for more, but that’s not who he is with her, not after their first relationship. If friendship is all she can offer, that seems to be enough for him. In reality, it’s Abby being enough for him, but we’ll get to that later.

At that same time, one of Luka’s foils, Victor Clemente, arrives. Clemente exists narratively to be a catalyst for action in Luka’s life (which is why his role is such a mess once he’s accomplished that, but I digress) and it works like a charm. They butt heads from the start, and it’s the prospect of Clemente running the ER that goads Luka into applying for the position of chief. Kerry was right, it’s not his style at all, but also? A way for him to be everyone’s dad. (And yes, he’s better at it than Clemente would have been.) It gives him another marker of professional success, even if his personal life isn’t where he wanted it to be. As Luka’s foil, Clemente is also perceptive while Luka is oblivious. As such, he seems to see right through Luka and Abby to their connection, and he needles both, seemingly to get at Luka. It works, and as Abby says in 12.07 after their child patient dies, Abby ends up in the middle of it.

Then, at the end of The Human Shield, Abby goes to Luka. This time she isn’t reaching out to him and going to him to support him, but to justifiably yell at him for putting her in the middle of a conflict between him and Clemente. But more importantly, Abby went to him and told him how she felt. She was vulnerable with him. And that...that was something he’d rarely seen, and not in a long time. Finally, that having woken him up to hope once again, he did something he hadn’t done in a long time: he took action. And that was something he didn’t do much, mostly with Abby, and he starts exploring it more throughout season 12.

I’m not going to turn this into a Luby meta (though I could also do that if anyone wanted, ahahaha), but 12.07-12.10 is Luka stepping forward and making choices. For love of Abby. He doesn’t push her for more so much as very obviously hope for it and ask, in his way, if she’s as in as he is.

This extends to his professional life too! He (very sexily and pettily at the same time) takes charge of his new position and fires someone his first shift as chief. It was the right thing to do and he did it, but it wasn’t a passive reaction to something happening to him.

Then at the end of 12.10, Abby drops the bombshell that she’s pregnant. Once he recovers from the shock of that, he does seem to spring into action, but...reserved action? He isn’t as proactive as he’s been so far, but he is also scared out of his mind that he’s going to lose Abby. Here he is, seemingly with everything he’s wanted for YEARS within reach. Not just a family, but Abby. And not just Abby, but a baby with her. But he also has years of experience with Abby, and he knows her fears, and he doesn’t want to lose her by scaring her off or pushing her for something she doesn’t want or that would make her miserable.

So Luka lets Abby know what he wants but leaves it up to her, while also making one big mistake: he’s not clear about how much he loves her. He showed her with the compass, with gestures and moments, but he doesn’t seem to realize how much Abby needs the words. This is also typical Luka.

I love If Not Now (12.11) as part of his journey, because it’s when you finally see Luka realize, if he didn’t before, what matters most to him. He goes to Abby and tells her in no uncertain terms that it’s not about the baby, that he wants her no matter what. And that’s HUGE. Family and fatherhood have been a motivator for him for at least 4 or 5 of his 6 years on the show so far, so for him to say “yes, that would be nice, but Abby is the important one to me” represents a big shift. It gets swept over a bit in the subsequent and also life-changing news that she wants them to have the baby together and hasn’t had an abortion.

Most of the back half is solidifying what’s come before for Luka. We see him become more assertive professionally. He dotes on Abby and shows his commitment to her over and over, though it is interesting that in spite of how obviously in loved and devoted he (they, really) is, he doesn’t explicitly state it. I kind of think he’s worried that pushing for that, for everything that he wants, is asking too much of the universe. After all, he has the woman he loves and they’re having a baby together.

You also see his compassion, not just with the patients, but in how he breaks his and Abby’s news to Sam. I don’t know that it was better for him to have told her, but it was a kind impulse borne out of a desire to do the right thing, and she knew that.

Things get interesting again in Strange Bedfellows (12.18), when Luka tells Abby he’s thinking about going to Darfur to help Carter. We also find out Luka hasn’t told Carter about him and Abby or the baby. It seems a little odd of a choice for him, honestly. Not the keeping Abby and him and the baby a secret--I think that’s more compassion when he seems to have picked up on Carter and Kem maybe not doing so well and their continued mourning of Joshua--but the idea of going to Darfur. He’s new enough in his position as chief that it wouldn’t have been allowed, for starters, so I don’t think he’d have been able to go. And maybe that’s it--it was something he could do to help and make the world a better place for his baby (shoutout to @somekindofflowergirl again for this theory), and he wanted to try to go but probably knew he wouldn’t be able to. Also, he’s kind of an idiot sometimes, and one who sometimes loses track of the details when looking at the big picture. Which he did big time.

But Abby, as she often does, grounds him and lifts him up at the same time. She makes it clear that he can go, but that she wants him there and wants everything with him. And that’s it for Luka. He’s already made it so he could stay, but you can see the light of “oh, maybe I can have everything I’ve yearned for” go off. The next couple of episodes show them settling into their commitment even more.

Then the finale of season 12 comes (though I’m going to carry this through 13.02, as that feels like the real end of the season to me), and they’re clearly domestic and cute. For all Abby saying they don’t live together/hinting broadly for more clarification, they clearly have built a home together. I think Luka is trying to get her to realize she lives with him without saying it, which is a strategy, if not the best one. The second Abby voices her uncertainty, though, Besotted Idiot Luka jumps straight to saying they should get married, instead of, you know, telling Abby he loves her and wants to move forward with her.

I think his reaction is another example of him poorly handling...it’s not rejection, it’s just they’re coming to the same thing from different perspectives. They do affirm their love, and it’s clear they would have dealt with things had they not been interrupted by everything that ensued.

But interrupted they were. Abby’s abruption, Joe’s birth, Abby’s hysterectomy, Joe’s close call...what an interruption.Luka makes it so clear throughout that he’s there for Abby, that she’s his family. He obviously loves Joe and is devastated that he might be in danger and that they won’t be able to have a bigger family (though not as devastated as Abby, interestingly). That said, he renews his proposal to her and is CERTAIN of their love, even with the strain and uncertainty of Joe’s life.

Within a couple of years, he’s moved from trying so hard to look like he had everything together and trying to force it to having everything he’s wanted and more, even with the thorns and pain. It’s so much more than he could have hoped for, and he is more hopeful and settled.

#luka kovac #Luka Kovač #er #nbc er #luby #let's get meta #my apologies for typos and stuff #but I am tired #and full of love for Luka #the tl;dr is that it's a switch from the illusory and passive to reality and the more active/assertive #and it's absolutely intrinsically tied to him and Abby

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myglogic · 6 years ago

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Where You Belong (Yoongi x Reader)

Pairing: Min Yoongi (Suga) x Reader

Genre: Fluff, Angst

Word count: 5,5k

Summary: When fame changes Yoongi his bandmates decide to take action and send him back to Daegu. Yoongi has to deal with his bad relationship with his family and a certain girl from his past and his forgotten feelings for her.

A/N: Hi! Finally, my first BTS fanfic on this blog! I wrote this a looong time ago. I found this again and rewrote it. I hope you like it! I’m always happy about feedback! There might be a second part depending on the resonance!

“Yoongi… what is this?”, Taehyung asked and put the newspaper in front of Yoongi, who was sitting in his studio, working on some music.

“A newspaper?”, Yoongi said and continued looking at his computer.

Namjoon walked into the room and sighs. “Oh, I was just coming here about that too. What’s that, Yoongi?”, Namjoon asked, referring to the newspaper article that was printed boldly on the cover.

BTS’ Suga leaving club drunk with a girl!

“So what?”, Yoongi asked, bored. “Am I not allowed to party?”

Yoongi didn’t understand why they made such a fuss. It’s just a little party and some girl. Nothing more, nothing less.

The other members now entered the room and looked at him, quite disappointed. “That’s not the only problem, Yoongi. There are thousands of other articles on the internet. They talk about how rude you are to fans you randomly see. You don’t even acknowledge them!”, Namjoon said in a serious tone.

“You are drunk every weekend, you don’t even work on music. You just sit around all day, wondering what shit you should do next.”, Jin added.

“They were crowding me and it was really annoying.”, Yoongi said, not understanding why they all stood there as if this was some kind of intervention.

Jimin sighed and started talking. “When was the last time you said, “thank you”? When was the last time you visited your family? I have a feeling that you forgot where you came from and how you came here. Don’t forget that without ARMY, you wouldn’t be here either.”, Jimin said, worried.

“Yes, hyung. The fans are worried sick and so are we.”, Jungkook told him.

Yoongi stood up, really annoyed. “What the fuck is this? Why are you acting like I’m a fucking drug addict?”

Yoongi always had a problem with his temper. And right now they were really testing him. What was the point of all this? He looked at his 6 bandmates and just saw expressions of disappointment, worry, and anger. This was no joke.

“We decided that it’s best if you get out of Seoul for a while.”, Taehyung said and put his hand on his shoulder.

Yoongi swatted his hand away. “Where the fuck should I go then?”

Namjoon smiled at him. He gave him an envelope with airplane tickets. “Have a nice trip to Daegu. Your family awaits you.”

“What the fuck?! I am definitely not going to Daegu! You can’t force me on that plane!”, he shouted and threw the envelope on the ground.

“If you don’t go… then you won’t be able to use your studio AND we changed the code to our house. Good luck trying to come in.”, Jimin smirked, trying to provoke Yoongi.

Taehyung gave Yoongi a sad smile. “I would love to go back to Daegu you know… but I can’t. We are doing this for you. Don’t forget where you belong, Yoongs.”

“You really planned this whole thing right? Let me guess. Our favorite manager knows about this.”, Yoongi rolled his eyes as the others nodded. “Well fine. I don’t care. I’ll see this as a vacation.”

“But you’ll be staying at your parents’ place. Not a luxury hotel. You also have to spend time with them.”, Jin added.

Yoongi’s eyes widened. “Are we filming some shitty Bon Voyage episode or what?”, he sighed. “Fucking shit. I don’t care. Fine. Leave me alone now.”

The others left the room, still sad about Yoongi’s reaction. When did it become like this? They did not really know. Yoongi was so humble and grateful. Sometimes fame really gets ahold of you.

The very next day Yoongi found himself on the airplane. They at least bought him a first-class ticket. How nice of them. Yoongi leaned his head against the plane window. And then first thoughts started creeping in his head.

It’s been nearly two years since he last visited his family. His mom was going to be very angry. And his father? He never really talked about Yoongi’s career. Their relationship was never the best.

He never wanted Yoongi to become an idol. He had a hard time accepting his career change but he had to accept it in the end. But there still was a certain coldness between them. His brother wasn’t in Daegu since he was living abroad for a while. So how was he going to handle the whole family situation? And how the hell should sending him to Daegu help him? It’s not like breathing some Daegu air will bring the old Yoongi back.

Yoongi closed his eyes, trying to get a little sleep. For the first time in a very long time, he didn’t have a busy schedule. Maybe that’s one positive thing about this trip.

Why the hell him though? It’s not like the others don’t drink or party. Okay, maybe Yoongi liked to go to parties a little bit more than the others. But was it that bad?

Before he could keep thinking more, he fell in a deep slumber. A few hours later the flight attendant woke him up.

As he arrived at the airport, he saw no one waiting for him. He was a little bit disappointed. He kind of expected that his mother would come and pick him up. But he wouldn’t do it either if he was his son.

He stood there with his suitcase, wondering where to go. Then his phone vibrated and Yoongi gets a text from Namjoon.

Joon: First mission, find a cab. No one will treat you special there. 😌

Yoongi rolled his eyes and walked outside. Using his scarf to cover his face, he found a taxi and told the driver the address. As time passes by, Yoongi noticed that he was constantly watching out of the window, looking for signs of his neighborhood. He smiled slightly, recognizing a few places from his city.

And suddenly a feeling of homesickness appeared. And he was not talking about Seoul but Daegu. That’s where it all started.

That doesn’t make the situation better but he wasn’t expecting to stay long here. He might as well use the time to rest.

And then there he stood. In front of his house. The house he grew up in. Memories, beautiful memories start appearing in front of his eyes. Yoongi remembered that his mother would hide the spare keys to his house in the flower vase next to the door. The keys were still hidden there, even after all these years. Taking the keys and unlocking the door, he walked inside, expecting no one to be home since his parents should be at their restaurant.

As he walked inside, he noticed new furniture, pictures of his family but not many pictures of him. Just a few from his childhood and one after he won his first award with BTS. The smell was still the same. It was like he never left.

He didn’t move. He just took everything in. Overwhelmed. That described the feeling Yoongi was experiencing the best.

Suddenly he heard a scream and felt something wooden hit his back. “OUCH!”, he shouted in pain.

“LEAVE THIS HOME OR I’LL CALL THE COPS!”, a female voice behind Yoongi said and kept hitting him with a broom.

“I LIVE HERE!”, Yoongi said and tried to turn around. Then he grabbed ahold of the wooden stick. “Who the hell are you?!”, he asked in a very loud and angry tone.

You tried to pry away the broom from his hands. Then you took a look at him. Just to find Min Yoongi, standing right in front of you. “Y-Yoongi?”, you asked cautiously. Was this a dream?

“Yes, Yoongi! What the hell are you doing in my house!”, he said, breathing heavily.

Speechless. That’s what you were at that moment. You didn’t know what to say. Why was he here? He never visited home! But then you remembered his parents mentioning that he would come back. You didn’t know that it was today though!

Yoongi took a good look at you. His eyes widened as he recognized your facial features. “No way… Y/N?”, he asked. You changed. You did look good back then but now you were even prettier than before. “The last time I visited… you weren’t here.”

You gulped. “I did study at another university for a year… but now I’m back. I didn’t see you since… like 2014?”

You and Yoongi were friends back then. When you were little kids, you would always play together. He would always protect you from everyone and he was always by your side. Whenever you needed him, he was there. Your families were close and so were the two of you. Your friendship stayed like that until you graduated.

You decided to study fashion design and Yoongi, who was already active in the underground rapping scene, became an idol. You know the rest of the story.

You sat down on the couch and so did Yoongi. “I live here ever since my family moved and your mother let me stay here. I help her out with some of the chores.”, you said and he nodded.

“Oh, that’s nice of her…”, Yoongi says. “So, your parents just left you here?”, Yoongi asked you.

You nodded. “They did want to take me with them but I wanted to stay in Daegu. Seoul wasn’t really for me…”, you explained to him.

“I get it. Seoul is huge.” Sometimes you could get lost in Seoul. Lost like Yoongi was now.

Yoongi didn’t know what to think. His childhood friend and neighbor lived with his family now. Not only that. He felt so distant towards her. They were so close once. He remembered helping her through her first break-up and then wanting to beat that guy up. But you did not want him to that. You were a person he was ready to throw fists for and now it seemed like you were strangers. Maybe you changed, maybe he did.

“Yoongi… I know you’re supposed to spend time with your family. I heard some things about you in the past. So please don’t fuck this up, okay?”, you said in a serious tone.

He rolls his eyes. “So what? I was literally forced to come here. My family doesn’t really talk to me if you noticed. I will do what they expect me to do. I’ll be a disappointment or something.”, he asked.

“Do you hear yourself right now? What do you plan on doing? Visit all of Daegu’s nightclubs so you can cross them off your list? Looks like all the articles about you are true.”, you said in a disappointed voice. You really didn’t know what you expected after hearing that Yoongi would come back.

“You don’t even know me. So, shut up. We haven’t seen each other for years. Who do you think you are? You can’t judge me.”, he said angrily.

“I am a person who thinks rationally and you are an idiot that used to be my friend.”, you said, disappointed to see him like that. “You know what? Your room is free. Feel free to unpack your stuff. I’ll be outside.”, you said and grabbed your jacket.

“It’s like 10 p.m. Where are you going at this hour?”, he asked with a slight tone of worry in his voice. It was late at night.

But you ignored him and went outside. You were in a similar situation as Yoongi when he was younger. Your parents didn’t want you to study fashion design. They didn’t support you. You thought that Yoongi would understand you the best. But he was in his own little world. To you, he was kind of delusional, thinking that everything revolves around him. He really wasn’t the boy you used to know and maybe he was never going to change.

Yoongi entered his room and looked around. Everything was still the same the way he left it last time. He walked over to his bed and threw himself on it. Nothing has changed. The only thing that did change was Yoongi himself.

You walked outside. It’s winter and there was already snow on the ground. You pulled your jacket closer to your body and walked over to the playground you and Yoongi used to play on all the time.

You sat on one of the benches and suddenly see little Y/N and Yoongi playing and running around in front of you. You smiled. A sad smile. It was a memory that you would always appreciate. A memory that you could never forget. The playground was only a few meters away from the house.

Suddenly you heard a door being closed. You saw Yoongi standing in front of the house, looking down on his phone.

Was he here to search for you?

Then a taxi pulled up and he got in it. You frowned and looked down. Who knew what he was up to. Probably visiting another club. He really had changed.

The next morning you heard Yoongi and his parents arguing. It was about him going to a club yesterday. He didn’t say hello to his parents but went partying instead. He didn’t even wait for them to come back from work.

You sighed and pulled the blanket over your head. You didn’t want to hear them arguing. You already heard a lot about that when you argued with your parents when they were here.

But you still got out of bed and put on some decent clothes. You took a look at your sketches. Your eyes widen as you see the sketch you made of Yoongi. It was from an award show and he looked really nice. You couldn’t stop yourself and drew him. You usually didn’t draw people. You drew clothes and designed different things. A part of you couldn’t just leave Yoongi in the past. You didn’t know why.

You quickly took the sketch and hid it in your closet. Then you walked out of your room. You still heard them arguing.

“This isn’t my Yoongi! What happened to you?”, Yoongi’s mother said with tears in her eyes.

“I don’t know what your problem is. You know what? I’ll go for a walk!”, he shouted and takes his coat. Then he saw you staring and stopped for a second. “What? Are you going to scold me too?”

You shook your head and also took your coat. “I’ll leave too.”, you said.

Yoongi’s mother took a deep breath. She tried not to show her sadness. “But you didn’t eat anything! Eat something for breakfast, dear.”

“I’m fine.”, you said and smiled at her. You saw Yoongi already walking outside and closing the door after him.

You went after him, only to find him walking to the playground. You followed him and sat down next to him on the bench you sat on last night. The snow was everywhere. Even on the benches. But you didn’t care honestly.

“You know… you don’t have to fight with your mother. She cares about you, you know?”, you said quietly.

“Would you shut up?”, he said and leaned back, closing his eyes.

You sat there in silence. Then you decided to speak up. “Do you remember playing here when we were kids?”

No answer.

“You would always lose all the games.”, you said and smirked, knowing that that would get a reaction out of him.

His eyes opened and he sat straight. “Never! I always won!”, he said. “… not that I care.”

You laughed a little. You also caught him staring at you.

Yoongi always loved your laugh back then. He would do anything just to get a little smile out of you when he was younger. He didn’t hear it for a long time. “You do care.”, you answered him. “Don’t push us away okay?”

You stood up. “I have to leave now. Please don’t worry your mother too much.”

Yoongi thought a lot about his situation. Maybe he did make a few mistakes in the past. He could always party in Seoul. Maybe this really was a second chance. To make everything better with his family. And with you.

In the next few weeks, Yoongi made an effort to fix his relationships a bit. He helped to make breakfast, he even sometimes helped out in his parents’ restaurant. His father was surprised but appreciated it. Their relationship was still a rather cold one. But it was getting better.

He also visited you every night in your room. You watched movies or just talked. The first night he did that, surprised you a lot.

You were still awake, working on your next assignment that was due tomorrow. It was 2 a.m. and you were tired. You heard a soft knock on your door.

“Yes?”

Yoongi walked in and smiled a little bit. “I can’t sleep.”, he whispered. “And I saw that your lights were still on…”

You looked at him, surprised. “Uh… come in?”, you said, not understanding what was going on.

He came in and sat on your bed. He looked deep in thought as he sat there. He was fidgeting with his hands, looking like he wants to say something but didn’t know how.

“What are you doing?”, he asked you, trying to start a conversation.

“I am doing my assignment for college… why are you here Yoongi?”

“I… I’m sorry. For how I treated you the last week. I feel horrible. I really wasn’t like this. And I want to make things better. I want my best friend back.”, he finally said and looked at you with an apologetic look. You did treat him like shit, to be honest. You wanted him to feel how you felt when he just ignored you but you still could not ignore him completely.

You pressed your lips together. “Do you mean it?”

He nodded. “Yes. I had a lot of time for myself. I asked myself why my bandmembers would send me all the way here. What was my mistake? I took it for granted. My fame, my fans… my family and you.”, he said. “I want to change. No. I want to remember why I’m here.”

You gave him a bright smile. “Apology accepted. Really.”

“You don’t know how relieved I am right now.”, he said. “Can I help you with your assignment?”, he asked.

You shook your head no. “I don’t think that you know about fashion history. But you can give me a sweater from my closet. I’m freezing.”

He nodded and opened your closet. A piece of paper fell on the ground. It’s a sketch of him. His eyes widened. He didn’t say anything though. He knew that you were an amazing artist. But why would you draw him?

“Hey, what are you going?”, you asked him, wondering what he was doing.

Before he could hide the sketch of you, you quickly got up and take it away. “You… you weren’t supposed to see this.”, the tint of pink on your face wasn’t making the situation better.

“You draw really well though…”, he said and smiled. After that, he handed you your sweater and sat down.

You smiled at him. “Thank you.”

Yoongi didn’t want to make you feel more uncomfortable, so he did not ask any questions regarding the sketch. But maybe one day he would. Today was not that day.

After that night everything seemed different between the two of you. You felt some sort of connection to him. He definitely wasn’t asking you about clubs anymore and rather talked to you about your family. He told you that he would support your choice, unlike your family. He knew that you had talent and that you made the right choice.

And that lead to the day where Yoongi finally talked to his father and that talk cleared up a lot of things. Yoongi felt closer to his father after that.

The situation is tense and Yoongi didn’t know how to start this conversation. You put your hand on his shoulder and smiled at him reassuringly. “You can do it.”, you whispered.

He put his hand on top of yours and squeezed it. “Thanks.”, he whispered back.

He took a deep breath and sat down in front of his father. The feeling in the room was tense. None of them started talking. You looked at Yoongi with determination.

“You can do it.”, you whispered. You knew he was scared. His hands were shaking a little. Until now, Yoongi and his father didn’t really talk. His mom was more forgiving but his dad… It was complicated. It shouldn’t be like this.

Yoongi always wanted that his family was proud of him. He realized that he was not someone his parents could be proud of. Especially in the last few years. His dad was not making any amends to talk. Yoongi knew that he had to be the person to start talking first.

“Dad.”, Yoongi finally said. “Let’s talk please…”, he said, quietly.

His father did not talk. He didn’t even look at him.

“Please, dad.”, Yoongi pleaded. “I know I haven’t been the best son. In fact, I have been the worst son you could ever ask for. But here I am now. I am trying to change. Give me a chance.”

He sighed. “Can you really change?”, he finally said. “I don’t know. I honestly didn’t recognize my own son. That attitude you had when you first arrived was not something I was used to. I couldn’t just act like everything was back to normal.”

“Do you hate me? Don’t you like it? That I’m pursuing my dream?”, he asked honestly, his hands shaking.

His father shook his head. “Definitely no. I don’t hate you. For me, it wasn’t possible that you might be successful. I accepted that fact a long time ago. That you are someone who is loved by his millions of fans. I thought that you might not like me since I didn’t show you support.”, he admitted with a shaky voice.

“Dad, I could never hate you. I just didn’t know how to talk to you about this… but I feel good, now that I know the truth.”

“Please know that I am proud of you and everything you achieved. You proved me wrong and I want the best for you. But son, I don’t want to read articles about you taking girls from clubs home or whatever. Please stay true to yourself. Don’t do the wrong things.”, Yoongi’s father told him.

Yoongi nodded. “I am changing. I am trying to be a better person.”

“I know.”, Yoongi’s dad said and smiled at him. “I see a change. I will try to be a better father to you too.”

“You already are, dad.”, Yoongi said with tears brimming in his eyes.

They hugged it out and for the first time since Yoongi arrived in Daegu, he felt like everything was going to be okay.

Yoongi’s mother broke out in tears and joined the hug. And they pulled you in their circle as well. There was a feeling of relief and calmness. Finally.

A few weeks passed and you decided to go to the only place in Daegu, where Yoongi was really inspired. Where he wrote all of his old songs. It was his last day in Daegu and he felt weird. There was a certain tension between you. You were a bit sad that he had to go but he was an idol and he had priorities. It still felt strange knowing that he had to leave so soon.

It’s a park that was rather small. Both of you walked around a bit and arrived at a hill. In the park, there was a huge hill you spent a lot of time on as teenagers. Maybe he would be inspired to write a song. Yoongi shoved some of the snow away from a bench and you sat down.

There was a safe distance between the two of you as you sat on the rather small bench. You were aching to feel his touch. To hold his hand. And even to feel his soft lips against your skin. You didn’t even know where these thoughts came from. Maybe, just maybe, you had a crush on him. Again. Back then, there was a time period where you were sure that you liked Min Yoongi. Of course, you had boyfriends before but you still felt drawn to your friend.

It wasn’t the first time you thought about that. Old feelings ignited again inside of you. You thought about him all the time. It felt weird knowing that you might have feelings for him again. But that warm fuzzy feeling was good. You felt comfortable around him. Unlike the day he arrived.

You didn’t know what to do or how to feel around him. It got a bit awkward sometimes but in a good way. It was like he never went to Seoul. You felt like you had your best friend back. But you knew you couldn’t expose your feelings to him. You knew that he had to go back to Seoul. He was an idol and you were just a normal person. He probably didn’t even like you back. You felt kind of sad thinking about this touchy subject. But you were realistic. It would never work out.

Yoongi sighed. “I haven’t been here for ages. Time flies, huh?”, he said. His eyes were closed and leaned against the bench.

You knew you were staring but you didn’t care. His eyes were closed you didn’t miss the chance to stare. To your defense, look at him, he was handsome and an amazing person. Everyone would stare!

“You’re staring.”, Yoongi said, his eyes still closed. He could feel your eyes on him.

“N-no, I’m not!”, you told him, your face reddening.

His eyes opened and he looked straight at you. “Are you sure? Your face is flushed. Is that because I caught you staring?”, Yoongi smirked.

“Shut up, okay?”, you said. You took out your sketching book. “Now stay there, I’ll draw you.”

Yoongi looked at you. You looked beautiful in this moonlight. The moonlight illuminated your features. While concentrating on drawing him, he also started staring. He thought that you looked cute while concentrating. You bit your lip while drawing and suddenly Yoongi couldn’t look away.

“Can you-?”, before you could finish your sentence, you noticed that he was staring. At your lips. “Uh, Yoongi?”

“Huh?”, he came back to his senses. “Oh sorry, I guess I zoned out.”, he said sheepishly and scratched his head.

“Yeah…sure.”, you said and gave him a sweet smile. “Here, have a look at the rough sketch.”, you showed him your sketch. “I will draw this for you and you can hang it in your studio in Seoul. As a reminder that you have a friend in Daegu waiting for you.”

Yoongi suddenly felt hot. Friend. A realization hit him and he knew that he didn’t want to just be friends with you. Another realization was that he had to leave soon. It has been three weeks already. He didn’t know how time passed so quickly.

“I… I don’t want to leave you though.”, he gathered the courage to tell you this. “Why don’t you come with me? To Seoul?”

You smiled at him and took his hand. “Thank you for the offer, but no. I like Daegu.”

Yoongi’s heart started beating at a speed that he didn’t know hearts could do. He liked your touch. “But… I could arrange something for you. Really, why don’t you give it a try?”, he didn’t know why he was trying to convince you so desperately.

No. He knew exactly why he was trying to convince you.

“Yoongi… Really. I’m fine here.”, you looked at him with a confused expression. “Are you okay? You seem a bit… I don’t know… sad?”

He couldn’t lie to himself anymore. He knew that he liked you. “Y/N. Look at me.”

You did. Your gaze was full of warmness, admiration and… something else. He couldn’t figure out what though. “What’s wrong?”, you whispered.

Then you noticed that it started snowing. It wasn’t heavy snow but it became windy very quickly. Yoongi moved closer to you after noticing that you started shivering a little. “I don’t know what I’m doing honestly…”

Your heart started beating out of your chest. You were close to Yoongi but never this close. He was confusing you. “Yoongi…”, you whispered.

He put a hand on your cheek and caressed it. “Y/N… I don’t think that I can stay away anymore.”, he told you and pressed his forehead on yours.

“Then don’t stay away.”, you closed your eyes, waiting for him to make a move.

Yoongi was never in such a situation before becoming an idol. He knew he shouldn’t be doing this. For once he forgot about being Suga of BTS. He was Min Yoongi, a guy from Daegu who just wanted to kiss the girl in front of him. You weren’t a girl from a club. You were Y/N, a girl he never forgot about. A girl he cared about, a lot.

He leaned forward and kissed you. You knew that he was about to kiss you but it still took you by surprise. Your body temperature was even hotter than before and suddenly you didn’t feel any of the cold wind blowing around you. Yoongi grabbed your face with both of his hands and pulled you even closer to him.

The kiss was better than everything you have imagined. You always thought that books and movies exaggerated the first kiss with someone you liked. If kissing someone felt like this, then you were sure that the “fireworks” described in those books were real. The soft feeling of his lips left you quickly.

Quicker than you thought.

“I’m sorry…”, Yoongi was caught in the moment. Reality caught up with him. What was he doing? But then he looked in your eyes.

He didn’t recognize the third thing in your eyes. But now he knows. It’s love. “Don’t apologize.”, you said. But before Yoongi could say anything else, you grabbed his shirt and pulled him back to you and kissed him again.

Yoongi immediately responded to the kiss. Maybe just for tonight, he could enjoy this. Just the two of you and your lips against his.

You walked home together, Yoongi’s hand in yours. “I could get used to this…”, you said and smiled at him.

Yoongi knew that you shouldn’t get used to his and you knew that as well. Then you let go of this hand. “I know that we can’t be together… But I’m still grateful for the time we got to spend together. I am also happy that I could express my feelings towards you.”, you said with a sad smile.

Yoongi sighed. “I wish it wasn’t like this. There is no one else that I would rather be with.”, he said and sat down at the doorstep of his house.

“Yoongi, please don’t beat yourself up about this. We go our own ways. Maybe one day, we’ll find back to each other.”, you assured him and sat down next to him. “Pinky promise that we will find each other, no matter where we are?”, you held your pinky finger towards him.

He hooked his pinky finger around yours. “Promise. I want you to be the next big fashion designer, alright? And if we are still single after that… we can see what the future holds for us.”

You nodded, tears falling on your face. It was the best for the two of you. You knew that now was not the time to be together. But you were sure that the time would come. “Yes. I like the sound of that.”

Yoongi stood up and held his hand in your direction to help you up. “We still have this night. Let’s make the best out of it.”, he smiled at you and you went inside.

You spent your last night cuddling and talking. Time flew and you didn’t sleep at all. For the first and last time, you spent the whole night like a couple. You acted like last night didn’t happen. You had to. The feeling of losing him was there and it was scary. But this time you had closure. Yoongi knew about your feelings and you knew his feelings.

Your timing was off this time but the right time would come where you could be with him. His departure was painful and you were sure that you hugged him for at least an hour. You even kissed him when no one was looking. But after he left, it felt like a part of you left with him.

He was gone and so was old Yoongi. After arriving in Seoul, he was inspired to produce and write music. The club visits became less and less frequent until he never really felt like partying. There were no scandals and suddenly everything around him was very calm. He knew now that there were people behind him. People who supported him no matter what. His bandmates, his fans, his family and most importantly: you.

He would feel your connection even though you were all the way back in Daegu. The right time would come. But when?

Only time will tell.

67 notes · View notes

bigskydreaming · 5 years ago

Note

To me the most strange thing about the Dick is a manchild take is that often the same people that say this are the same people that say that Dick's primary characterization should always be as a pillar of support for Bruce and the others. So, basically that Bruce and the others are so helpless that they should be mothered by a manchild. As a preference, I find it it kinda ???

Exactly! There’s no consistency to it, and the thing is, I feel like a lot of people tend to treat Dick as a plot device rather than an actual character in his own right. What I mean is, even in big ensemble fics that feature almost the entire family, when most everyone has their own little storylines, Dick’s sole storyline is acting as a supporting character in everyone else’s storyline. Essentially, its like rather than people going into writing a fic with a specific characterization of Dick in mind already, like they do for most characters, I feel like a lot of the stories out there start with the author figuring out what their plot is, what their preferred characters are doing….and then Dick’s characterization within their fic tends to end up being almost completely determined by what role they want him to play.

Like……as you said, a huge facet of his core characterization is that he almost always prioritizes being a pillar of support for Bruce and the others….but in fanfics, he’s just as likely to be the antagonistic foil that’s causing drama within the family by not understanding Jason or favoring Damian over Tim or whatever…..and its like he ends up that way purely because writers want some internal strife within the Batfam, but they want Tim and Jason to get along, and they want Bruce to interact with Jason as a son and Damian’s too young to cause the kinds of disruptions within the family from internal/ideological disagreements that authors are usually after….so Dick ends up shoehorned into the role of obstinate last holdout getting in the way of the whole family getting along because he just can’t get over himself or whatever.

But then go two fics down from that one and its a whole other ballgame, because in this fic now, Dick gets along with everyone, everyone loves him, but ultimately in the end his lack of contributing to family drama comes from the fact that as far as that fic is concerned, he’s too ineffectual to ever actually be a problem for the family. He’s just kinda there, solely because he was the first kid Bruce took in, but no attention is paid to the fact that he created Robin, DEFINED Robin. And instead the fact that he’s still alive at all is basically implied to be a fluke because he’s not really that bright compared to the others, not really exceptionally talented compared to the others, the only thing he has going for him is he has seniority, and he’s just too gosh-darned happy and perky and nice for anyone to stay mad at for long……so Dick ends up shoehorned here into the role of comic relief, either by cracking jokes constantly and never taking anything seriously for the sake of ‘family morale,’ or just by being the butt of the rest of the family’s constant jokes. With these fics, you get 50/50 odds of it going either way.

And then on the very next page of fics you’re likely to run into one where he’s supportive of all the others rather than antagonistic, yes, and he’s considered competent and effective at what he does, sure, but now with these fics, he’s basically relegated to the role of wallpaper, because the story’s not supposed to be about HIM and the authors don’t want him drawing focus away from their preferred characters. He’s not the character people should be hoping or expecting to see in a starring or even a major role, when reading their fics, is basically what the sentiment feels like there.

Like, he’s there, he’s present, he’s competent and helpful, but it largely ends up feeling like all of that is because ironically, having him NOT be there and coming up with reasons and justifications for that….would draw or require more focus on him than they want to spend. So instead he’s present in the story, but that’s about it.

He largely just….exists, within these types of stories. At best he’s there to be a glorified bodyguard to his various siblings, and be hanging around so that he can swoop in and save them from any major danger that isn’t the direct focus of the plot…..but he has little to no scenes other than ones where he’s directly acting to save, rescue, emotionally support or offer sage wisdom or a shoulder to lean on, for any of his siblings or Bruce himself.

He has no problems of his own, as far as the fic ever mentions, no priorities or personal ambitions beyond ‘always be available for whatever his family needs, whenever his family needs it’ and everything you learn about him in the first couple chapters of that story, when establishing his place/status quo within that particular fic….like, who and what he is and cares about and prioritizes and even just talks about in the first couple chapters will basically still be the exact same things in the final chapters of the fic….because absolutely nothing throughout the fic has actually affected HIM, changed HIM, impacted HIM in any kind of meaningful way that would lead to actual character development or even just….change.

…wait, hang on, I take that back. There is one sizable exception in these types of fics, where there is focus on Dick’s POV and him being impacted by the plot and ‘changing’…..but that exception comes in one form, and one form only: Scenes Where Dick Self-Flagellates and Regrets Being the Worst Brother/Son Ever to Jason, Tim, Bruce, etc. And reflects on how massively he’s failed or let those members of his family down at one point or another in the past, when they have only ever been there for him, consistently, without fail, and thus they deserve better than his previous fuck-ups with them and he staunchly vows to Make It Right and from this day forward, Do Better and dedicate himself to being the best brother, son, blah blah blah that ever lived.

(With the problem being - or well, my problem at least, lol - like…..rarely if ever are these things Dick is beating himself up over, like…actually his fault or things he should feel like a terrible human being for. And granted, Dick has a definite canon tendency towards self-blame and assuming the worst of his own actions and the fallout from his actions, so its not like its out of character for him to be an unreliable narrator in this regard…..BUT like….when you’re using an unreliable narrator to like, beat himself up for being just the worst ever, you kiiiiiiinda need to balance that out with the narrative or someone else in the narrative at some point contesting that unreliable narration…..and being like….what? No??? Omg enough with the Catholic guilt Dick, you’re not even Catholic, and you definitely aren’t responsible for me dying in Ethiopia at the exact same time you were light years away on an entirely different planet, dumbass.” ANYWAY).

So I mean….there are all these various roles Dick plays in different kinds of almost….I wanna say like ‘genres of Batfam fanfiction’……and IMO that’s how large parts of fandom manage to juggle all these completely contradictory views of Dick without ever finding it odd or illogical that he can be considered to be both the Batfamily’s primary source of emotional support one second, and the thorn in everyone’s side the next. Because many people, I feel, just aren’t approaching his character in terms of how his characterization, and thus his presence, would affect their plot, result in specific kinds of dynamics, interactions etc…..rather, they’re looking at it from the complete opposite direction. They do all that with the characters they’re more interested in writing, and then when they have most of it figured out, they basically just pigeon hole him into whatever gaps in the plot need filling, and go with whatever popular take on him is most convenient for what their story still needs or is lacking.

And it all kinda loops back around, I think, to make it this sort of self-perpetuating cycle…..writers aren’t as interested in writing Dick as they are the other siblings because they don’t find him all that compelling, except what they actually don’t find all that compelling is probably more accurately labeled various fanon views of him that have at most just a superficial relationship with his more developed canon characterizations.

But regardless, they’re not that interested in him as a character, due to mostly equating him with fanon takes that prioritize his usefulness as a plot device with ready made connections to most anyone else a fic needs to bring in, rather than trying to view him, understand him and relate to him as an actual character in his own right…..so they too end up also just using him as a plot device rather than try and even just give him some more development themselves.

And it all feeds back into itself, forming this constant feedback loop that’s ironically mostly just fueled by itself, rather than anything outside that loop of perception and perpetuation….like, y’know, his actual stories and his actual well-established dynamics with various other characters.

Its like….you know how sometimes people are like “how would you describe yourself/this person/this character in just three words, like what are the three words that best encompass them in your mind?” Like…..that’s not SUPPOSED to be an easy thing to do. That’s SUPPOSED to be a hard - and revealing - question, because three words is a very very limited frame to try and condense entire personalities into in a way that’s in any way actually specific to them as an individual rather than just a list of generic traits that could equally apply to any number of people.

And yet….I do not think a lot of Batfam fans would consider that a hard question to answer about Dick Grayson, and therein lies my eternal frustration. Like I’m pretty sure we can all predict what a lot of those answers would be: “funny,” “angry,” “cheerful,” “supportive,” “moody,” “hopeful” and various other things related to either 1) Dick the Emotional Support Non-Entity, 2) Dick the Unattainable and Impossible to Match or Even Relate to Standard or 3) Dick the Antagonistic Foil, etc.

But my point is……I do not think a lot of fans would find it difficult to reduce Dick down to just a short list of generic character traits….because that’s the pattern I’m talking about in fics. A huge amount of his depictions in fic could be summed up with just two or three adjectives….because whatever role he’s been designated in a particular fic……that’s it for him, most of the time. As in…..he doesn’t at any point break out of that very specific and definitive box the fic puts him in because its been slated as the role/place/designation he’s most ‘useful’ to the plot and the other characters and the story over all. So whatever he is in that fic….he’s usually JUST that one thing. His actions are usually perfectly in sync with whatever the other characters expect those actions to be, his mood is fairly consistent throughout with very little variation, and his motivations are usually fairly superficial and don’t require a lot of digging under the hood to see what’s really going on deep down beneath his surface level.

*Shrugs* Anyway, that’s my take on all that, and the various contradictions that all conversations about him are practically immersed in, all at the same time. Granted, I’m biased as hell and who can say if I’m actually on to anything there or not, but for me the most telling and pertinent question about fandom’s perception of Dick Grayson is:

When one of the few things everyone can agree on about him is that he’s a natural performer and the face he presents to people around him is often just a mask hiding his true thoughts and feelings….

Why on earth aren’t more writers interested in pulling back the mask and seeing, writing, revealing or expanding upon whatever might be underneath?

Cuz the way Dick’s primarily used in fics literally only makes sense to me if you’re prioritizing his role in fics based on what the plot or other characters require.

Looking at him purely on a character level, in terms of archetypes? “Eternal secret keeper who even (successfully) keeps secrets from the rest of a family made up entirely of people who are both adept secret keepers themselves and adept detectives”…..

Like how the hell do you tell me that archetype’s only narrative appeal lies in advancing everyone else’s plots? For all intents and purposes, Dick is essentially the trickster archetype within the Batfam, innately predisposed to constantly come into conflict with his chosen father figure, given that Bruce in contrast embodies a stern lawful judge type archetype. Thus with the two of them operating off of entirely different world views that nevertheless can overlap just often enough to make that not quite a given….given that trickster archetypes, by their very nature, have flexible alignments and can go in entirely different directions from one story to the next, all while still being true to themselves and their core archetype.

Then you have Jason, with it being hilarious to me that people so often write Jason as being convinced Bruce will never understand him the way he does Dick, that they could never have the kind of bond Bruce and Dick had in his eyes…..with the funny part about this IMO being that Jason is one of the Batfam MOST similar to Bruce, archetype wise. Because Jason also operates almost entirely off of his own convictions, based entirely off his own moral code….WHICH IS THE EXACT SAME THING BRUCE DOES….the only part they actually disagree on is the precise specifics of their two differing moral codes.

Jason has always had FAR more in common with Bruce than he realizes or cares to admit to, and if you look at Dick as a trickster archetype forced reluctantly into the role of arbitrator or peace-keeper purely because there’s no one else stepping up to do the job, even though its not a role he’s ideally suited for because of how it constantly forces him into shapes and actions that are contrary to his own nature and thus result in so much of Dick’s personal conflicts ultimately being with HIMSELF….

….eternally torn between trying to be true to himself and who he wants to be, while at the same time trying to be what his family needs him to be because he’s the only one of them with a track record showing he at least is willing to bend to try and accommodate all their conflicting viewpoints, whereas they all tend to try and just bulldoze each other into submission instead….which never works because they’re all equal parts Immovable Objects AND Unstoppable Forces at the same time…and each too stubborn to admit that their siblings/father/children are just as stubborn and willful as them so they could easily stalemate each other indefinitely, if they didn’t have a mediator present, who has enough flexibility to contort himself into whatever configuration is needed to find some kind of bridge or common ground between two conflicting family members who each refuse to budge even an inch….

Well anyway, my point with that little random offshoot was just that personally, I think Dick gets fed the fuck up with both Bruce and Jason at times and just wants to knock their heads together because its so frustrating to him that neither of them can see how alike they are and thus how they’re always THIS CLOSE to finding common ground, they literally just need to like….each move an inch to the right and maybe pivot like five degrees or less…..lolol.

Anyway. I kinda got carried away there with unnecessary narrative analysis and archetypes and whatnot that literally nobody asked, but umm, in response to your actual message itself….err…yes. Agreed. As a preference, I too find bwuh????? to be the most accurate response to the frigidly cold take that ‘Dick is the emotional support pillar for the Batfam but also Dick is massively dysfunctional and a disaster baby who is literally the worst of the Batfam at taking care of himself and not just dying because his favorite pizza place doesn’t deliver on a Tuesday and he doesn’t know how to get food another way so he’ll probably just starve I guess.’

Oh well.

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