#I have a lot of boredom avoidance and fear

[daysleftofsecondterm]

Hi, I'm back!! Apologies for the short absence, I'm studying in sydney and ended up spending two days inside avoiding the bomb cyclone and having bad wifi connection (don't worry, no flooding or damage in my area, just a lot of rain, wind, and boredom). But fear not, the cats are still photogenic. Enjoy the girlies!

(bonus photos because I missed a few days lol)

Heavens, don’t worry about it, your education comes first and foremost! Stay safe over there, glad to see the girlies are still adorable and beautiful! Hi ladies! Hope to see you both through the next 1,297 days left!

[virgothozul]

I feel like a poopbag. Real world can’t fill my heart, but CJ can. So more photo study made into fictional gays.

[alwayscorvus]

Hello, can I request Brant from Wuwa who had an argument with male!reader and the reader kinda give him space by avoiding Distancing himself from Brant.

When they both cooled down٫ reader is getting hit on by some lady and Brant swoops in and tells her that's his man :)

Jealousy and yearning

malereader x Brant, fluff; love this! couldn't wait to write this. thanks 4 the request! when I read it, it sounds different than usual, but let's see if you can enjoy it Fck I should focus on the scene that people ask me to do and not make long openings... But I can'ttt

-You always take it out on me!

-I’m just worried about you

-You question my decisions! - Brant threw his hands up in frustration.

-I just think that it’s not the best idea for you to go there. Especially alone -you tried calmly. Though his sharp voice, definitely contrasting with your softer, more composed one, was starting to get on your nerves.

-I won’t be alone!

Not good. As if you were talking to a wall...

-Yeah, you’ll be with some guy you just met

Brant put his hands on his hips, turned his head towards you, and gave you a look filled with something between contempt and boredom.

-Oh please, don’t be jealous

Jealous? You? Was he even serious?

You were probably starting to get angry.

-Don't be silly, i'm not jealous, i just-

-What?! Maybe you want to be a captain yourself?!

He didn’t even let you finish. Only yelled like a madman.

-You know that’s not what I mean -you said, trying hard to keep your voice calm and measured.

You wanted to act mature. Responsible.

You wanted him to understand your point of view. To realize that you didn’t mean any harm.

-But on the other hand, you don’t accept that I am the captain! You knew what you were getting into when you started to go out with me!

Andddd-... that's it.

Your patience has just run out.

-And that's the only reason why I should let you put yourself in danger now!?

You couldn't stand it. Where did your Brant go? Who were you actually just arguing with?

-I was never afraid of risk. If you didn't like it then there was no need to ask me out!

You replied to the loud shouting with visible irony:

-Oh, im so sorry that I fell in love with you

-Yeah! You should be!

...

Ouch.

That hurt.

What was that actually supposed to mean? It didn't make any sense at all. Like the whole argument.

Again, another quarrel. You were young, naive. Full of lively emotions. You often happened to exchange opinions. This stirred up the atmosphere a bit, woken up passion. Sometimes such exchanges were just healthy. You were able to get to know each other's perspectives. Come to some sort of agreement-

But not at this point. Today you crossed some boundaries. Neither of you wanted to compromise. Neither of you wanted to understand the other. Only to make his own stand.

You hated when Brant put himself at risk. When he gambled his life. You couldn't bear to see wounds on his body. To endure his groans of a pain. The thought that you could lose him pierced your heart.

And he didn't understand your fears. He grew up alone. He always knew how to manage himself, how to get out of any trouble. How to survive. He was strong, resourceful. He knew how to take care of himself, without anyone's help. Eventually, from nothing, he became the captain of a great ship. He was capable of a lot.

But sometimes he just forgot that now he didn't have to do it all by himself anymore. That he had you. Someone who wanted to take care of him.

He couldn't understand that your fear didn't come from a doubt in his abilities, but from pure love and a desire to help.

But his words… he certainly didn't mean it. He was surely throwing out random thoughts in emotion. He just wanted to annoy you. To win an argument. And at the same time he wanted for it to hurt.

You couldn't bare it. You didn't want to hear it. You didn't need any more insults.

You also didn't want Brant to go too far. For him to regret later. He would scold himself after and walk around with scolded face.

Despite all the hate and anger you just felt, you loved him so much. You cared about him an his well-being. You had a soft spot for him.

That's why you made the only responsible decision at that moment.

You got up and left.

With a slight slamming of the door.

Despite everything, you were angry. And a hint of immaturity told you to assert your “dominance”. At that moment it didn't sound as silly as it did in the next day.

On the way out you made another decision. That you would give him some space. To let him cool off a bit.

… And also to let it hurt a little.

And that's how your whole morning passed.

And noon…

And afternoon…

And then, the evening came. A tough evening.

It didn't take much for Brant to miss you. He was practically inseparable. You did everything together. And thanks to the fact that you were his right hand on the ship, you weren't even separated by work. While he was behind the wheel, you were studying maps right next to him, consulting with him about next destination of your voyages.

While you were delegating tasks to young sailors, he was watching you with curiosity, sitting cross-legged on a large wooden barrel.

While he was negotiating deals with some suspicious visitors, you always stood beside him, sending them a threatening look as a warning.

Together you checked out new merchandise. Together you went on escapades in new territory. Together you fought and together you spent all your free time.

It's almost surprising, that Brant himself wanted to go on a mission without you. After all, whenever he returned from such tasks, he fell tearfully into your arms and swore that he would never leave you again, because he misses you too much.

Or rather, he made you promise to never to leave him. He felt so helpless without you…

But you guess that history liked to repeat itself.

Brant liked to break off the leash sometimes, driven by sudden emotions. However, he was quickly caught by the abandoned puppy syndrome.

Exactly as in this case.

He didn't notice it at first. The fact that he was eating breakfast alone. The fact that no one was answering crew's stupid questions for him. The fact that no one followed him like a second shadow.

He completely forgot about you.

In the afternoon, however, things began to change.

Something stopped to fit right. Whole situation became suspicious. It was as if something had messed up his routine.

Standing alone on the dock, he didn't know who to smile at. Eating lunch, he had no one to ask for salt. Looking through papers in the office, he had no one to ask for a magnifying glass.

Same goes with performing. In rehearsal, he felt no joy in playing. As if the most important person in the audience was missing and thus the whole point. He didn't feel that piercing gaze following his every move. He didn't hear whistles or applause of satisfaction. Warm words after a good performance or a few longed-for remarks, necessary to improvement in the future.

He began to wonder. He furrowed his brow, walked absent around the ship and bumped into random people. Generously apologizing afterwards.

Some of his comrades asked what happened, if everything was okay. And he just waved his hand at them. They even began to wonder where you were, they wanted to ask for your help. They knew that only you could bring Brant back to normal. However, after meeting you and seeing your firm stare, they didn't even dare to ask. They turned quickly on their heels and forgot about the subject. Allowing you to work out your own problems.

Hours passed. Bloody difficult hours. And Brant finally understood.

All these things were done for him by one particular person. A person who loved to pamper him. To be kind and helpful to him. Even when he was whining. Someone who always made him laugh, listened to him and drowned out the boredom that Brant hated so much. That person was you.

But after all, you couldn't take a grudge against him forever. Right?

Brant decided to show you mercy and help you a little in your attempt to win him back. To give you an excuse to smooth things over so that things could go back to how they used to be.

Proud of himself and with a confident smile, he proceeded to execute his plan.

A small dramatic turn. A fake stumble. And a spectacular fall down the stairs into the abyss of lower deck. Perfect opportunity for you to move from a place not far away and be able to rush towards him. To catch him in your arms.

He specifically chose the right time and place just to feel your strong embrace and security of your closeness.

But he didn't hear any stamping of feet. Only terrified sounds of his companions with definitely poor reflexes.

Shit.

At the last moment, he used his forte to release some rope and grab onto the railing above.

Apparently, today he had to act as his own hero-

Fair enough.

After all, he told you that he could take care of his life and health. It would be foolish to question that now. But after all, it didn't apply to small things…

So he tried again.

But what was his surprise when, while dropping his compass beside you, he failed to get your help.

Only a loud clang and his gasp.

As if you didn't care at all.

Brant looked dumbfounded at the small object lying alone on the wooden boards. Why didn't you pick it up? Why didn't you hand it to him with a warm smile after which Brant could roll his eyes and, after faking seconds of thought, forgive you and let you return to his side? Why didn't you even look in his direction? Why you just walked past, busy talking to other sailor?

Okay.

Disasters happen. Maybe you just didn't notice. Maybe he should sign you up for a medical visit with that poor hearing of yours...

But you certainly must have noticed when he squeezed between dining room table and a bench on which you were sitting. Deliberately arcing his back. So inviting... Exposing his curves that you were so fond of. Just to encourage you- tempt you- make you lose control.

Orrr-… you could.

Things were beginning to call for drastic measures.

But after all, he couldn't apologize. Definitely couldn't. He had too much pride for that. Besides, you taught him this yourself. Brant didn't have to apologize. He wasn't just a captain, he was also like your little bratty princess.

Okay maybe not so little. Mostly not bratty. And for calling him a princess in front of the crew he probably would have thrown you overboard.

But-

You were always the one who made the first move. You liked to do things for him and couldn't stand the thought that he was sad. It was enough for Brant to send you eyes of a beaten up puppy from afar, asking to be taken in, and you were already running towards him and making all your misunderstandings go away.

But not this time.

Dear Jue. Why did you have to be so stubborn.

Especially now. Brant couldn't stand it.

He missed you so much-

He just wanted to soak in the silk sheets and be pampered with kisess by you until all his stresses from today were gone.

He will no longer go alone on any mission. He swears! Just take him back-... Please

Night has come. A period of celebration. That moment when Brant ordered time off for the entire crew. To relax a bit. Too bad that it didn't apply to him as well.

At least not today.

You decided to have some fun. Entire senior staff. You headed out to town, to one of nightclubs. The one with a shaddy reputation.

Rinascita's elite have always fooled around here. Golden spoon generations and those who knew how to crash.

Music here was loud and lights were colorful. Almost like any club, but in that air you could sense that aristocratic shabbiness. Laughs more fake than usual. Ostentatious clink of crystal glasses. And the drops of decades-old liquors that were falling prudently.

Splendor of expensive pearls and precious rhinestones competed with the beauty of personalities not tainted by work. It wasn't hard to feel on oneself mirroring gaze of others. Some searched for the best victims. Hoping to turn one night into a ring on a finger. Others oozed venom into their competitors. Whether they were hoping for a good candidate to settle down or just one for a passionate fun. Everyone was a rival here. Everyone was trying to be the most beautiful. Throwing on their best furs, tight outfits and putting on themselves the best make-up to highlight their features as much as possible. They batted their eyelashes, clicked their heels, playfuly curled hairs on their fingers.

Brant didn't need any of above to draw crowds. Or at least he didn't need to make such an effort. Even without expensive accessories, he unknowingly attracted plenty of suitors.

However, he wasn't thrilled with all the attention. He dismissed all pushy admirers with just a wave of his hand. Normally, he would probably get into a chat with them, make a joke, learn something interesting, maybe tease his boyfriend a little by that…

Today, however, all the whispers in his ear, all the nudges on his shoulders and every attempt to buy him a drink, bounced off him like off a wall.

He was in no mood for playing. And all his attention was focused on one person.

On you.

You were on two opposite sides of the room.

You were seated at a glass table, on a large, red, rounded sofa. He took his place on a modest bar stool, leaning his elbows against the bar top to which his back was turned. Abyss of glittering dance floor separated you both. From time to time the view of each other got blocked with bodies spinning in the dance.

Brant looked at you intensely, while you didn't even grant him with a single glance. It was as if you didn't know he was there at all. And that's probably exactly what happened.

While you were enjoying yourself at your best, drinking another purple drink, he was on tenterhooks. Debating whether to finally break through and approach you.

But he couldn't. His pride wouldn't let him.

Wasn't his presence enough? Didn't just the mere sight of him make you want to pounce on him? After all, it used to be like that… Did you manage to get bored of him already?

Brant bit his lower lip slightly. This situation was beginning to frustrate him and make him start to doubt himself.

He had had enough. These slimy people sticking to his body, this music piercing his eardrums. This club, you and himself. He already wanted to go home and bury himself into a bed. Crying quietly into his pillow and cuddling up to where your body should lie.

At the same time, however, he didn't even have the strength to get up. As if something was depriving him of will to live. Suddenly the vision of returning home alone in black night began to seem frightening. He sneaked down the dark alleys many times, escaping from The Order who tried to capture him. What's more, he always succeeded. And even if… he could walk out of each confrontation unscathed. After all, he was a big man. Postured, strong and persistent. Heck, he was the captain of a ship! After all, that's why you argued in the first place.

But now-…

Now-…

Now he just wished for you to hold him.

Brant lifted his head up, wanting to give you one last longing look.

And then-

Then he noticed something strange.

More specifically, someone who shouldn't be in your company. Someone who was definitely not a part of your crew.

A long-haired blonde woman, in a tight burgundy dress, with far too deeply cut neckline. She smiled flirtatiously at you. As if confident of her success.

With smooth movements she leaned towards you.

Brant felt how it began to boil inside him. And it wasn't due to the crowd of people or poor ventilation.

He took several deep breaths. Tried to calm himself down.

It's not that he couldn't trust you…

But her legs…

Her damn long legs in too high heels that she just threw on your lap!

Oh no. Definitely not!

You sat slightly troubled, feeling the piercing gaze tracing your lips. Gaze of someone you didn't want to feel.

But how did this happen?

At one moment you were chatting with your friends about your latest trip, bragging about your recent catch. And the next, you heard their immature, sneering whistles, suggesting the arrival of someone new.

This someone must have definitely been beautiful and phenomenal if they met with such a reaction.

You were hoping for Brant. You no longer cared about which one of you would apologize. It never mattered to you. You just wanted to feel him snuggle into your side, pretending that nothing had happened and joining your card game. Acting as your best charm and also the perfect source of distraction for your opponents.

Unfortunately. You could only dream. Instead of your confident boyfriend. His tangled sea hair, stunning, playful smile and beaming, curious eyes. You saw some stranger. A woman. Not much different from everyone else here.

That's how you found yourself in this situation. Blonde introduced herself to you by some local name. However, you didn't pay too much attention to it. You wanted to get out of her bony grip as quickly as possible. It wasn't easy though, you didn't want to be rude or make a scene and the only way out was blocked by your friends. Who apparently had a great laugh at your discomfort.

You felt as she traveled over your exposed shoulder with her long red claws and at the same time how she tried to fix her wavy hair. Apparently, this was supposed to be arousing, but for you it only caused unpleasant shivers. Like when you were suddenly attacked by some predatory echos in the wilderness, who tried to get they claws into you.

Woman tried to draw your attention to her colored lips, right after she saw your lack of interest in her exposed breasts. To her misfortune, all her disrespect of your personal space only turned you off.

In your head, you started making up some excuses. Arranging words in a way that wouldn't hurt her fragile ego. Despite everything, you were a gentleman.

You didn't take into your head what she tried to whisper to you. Promise of an unforgettable night, proposal to go to a hotel-

The only place you planned to go after leaving that club was to your boyfriend's bedroom.

Suddenly you felt something on your knee. Something that shouldn't be there. A foreign leg that you planned to push off as quickly as possible.

However, you didn't have enough time.

Loud gasps of your companions rang out all around. Terrified. They already knew how it would end.

-Hey! That's my man

You suddenly heard a firm and confident voice. So familiar to you.

Shocked, you lifted your gaze up at your partner. He stood proudly with his arms propped at his sides and with an unusual aura around him. Not just superiority. Something more emanated from him. Pure, natural beauty.

He didn't need skimpy clothes, cheap tricks or surgical touch-ups to be breathtaking. He was naturally bloody handsome.

Startled woman sprang back from you quickly. She looked horrified at the new company.

You could see the way she kept closing and opening her mouth every now and then. She probably wanted to argue, but she couldn't. It was as if she sensed that she was no match for her rival. You knew subconsciously that she must have launched herself on taken guys more than once. But the sight of Brant was overwhelming for her.

You weren't surprised with her reaction. You also could feel a shiver. Though for you it was more of a thrill of excitement. The way he was fussing about you was almost hot. Your adorable boyfriend, all flushed with jealousy. He glared at the intruder with deadly look. With a hatred stronger than when fighting the toughest opponent. On the battlefield, Brant at least tried to show his enemies some respect. Here, he showed only contempt.

You couldn't lie, you were really proud of your boyfriend. Or that you could be called his partner.

A sort of soft glow radiated from Brant's posture. Something like a warning. Any person who only dared to touch him right now could expect to get knocked down. Same applied to the violation of your person. Everyone present at the table felt that one inch movement in the wrong direction could make Brant snap. In his visions, he was already going for blonde's throat. Proudly fighting for what was his.

She tainted your body, her sultry touch left behind a filth that Brant would have to erase for a long time. He had an overwhelming desire to show this woman where her place was.

After all, he was the only one who was right for you…

But this woman didn't deserve it. She didn't deserve any extra minute to be wasted on her.

Brant didn't need revenge now. He needed you...

So before blonde could summon the courage to make one last gesture of cheekiness. Brant leaned over the table and extended his hand in your direction.

With a broad smile, you took his palm in yours. A pleasant warmth spread through your body. Brant reciprocated your happiness and this time rather pleasant, laughed sincerely. This soothing sound echoed through the room, drowning out the noise. You looked deeply into each other's eyes and everything around you began to fade away. Disappearing into the darkness, as if there were only the two of you. People, music, lights. Nothing mattered when you had each other.

You felt a sudden squeeze and pull towards your lover. Brant clearly wanted to kidnap his boyfriend, and you didn't plan to resist. Squeezing through the space your crew cleared, you let yourself be carried away by the strength of your partner.

And then you just ran.

Ran far ahead.

Laughing loudly and trying not to bump into any obstacle or break your legs on the steep stairs.

With the corners of your mouth raised high.

As long as you're together.

As long as you kept moving forward.

You felt a push towards the bed and a swish of sheets that raised into the air as a response to your rough siting on the edge of a mattress.

Brant looked at you with bent neck and made a small pouty face. Your heart began to beat faster, and you felt yourself slowly melting. You couldn't stay angry any longer. Especially after what he did in the bar. It was hard to hide how madly you liked it.

You spread your arms in an inviting gesture, and he didn't hesitate for even a second.

In the blink of an eye, he crossed the distance separating you both, and in a clumsy manner climbed up your thighs, straddling you. Out of habit, he snuggled into the crook of your neck.

You looked down. At his beautiful, closed eyes, highlighted with a soft pink line. At his heated skin, worn out by the run and heat in the club. At his unbuttoned shirt, perfectly exposing what you found so hard to resist.

You felt his weight, his gentle trembling. The way he wriggled on top of you to find the perfect spot. The way he arched his back and poked your arms trying to get your attention and seek your touch.

He was exactly where he belonged.

Completely swayed with this, you locked him in a gentle embrace and with slow movements began to roll circles on his back. Brant murmured satisfied at this and inhaled the scent of your cologne. Warm and heavy smell of sandalwood surrounded his senses. Man felt as his muscles began to slowly relax, and he unconsciously started to drift off to another realm. Nothing relaxed him more than your scent - scent of home.

-Don't leave me - he eventually muttered with authority into your shirt, to which you only responded with a questioning nod. You also were about to fall asleep from the feeling of high temperature of his body.

-I said don't leave me - he objected louder this time, pulling himself out of your neck and once again squirming in your lap -Don't leave me alone. Not now nor never. Especially for some blond-haired floozy. I am definitely better than her

His statement was more than serious, and you didn't dare question it. Especially now.

-Oh yeah, you are definitely better. I am much more attracted to blue-haired beauties

Brant didn't seem to sense this subtle irony. Or maybe he didn't want to… He breathed a sigh of relief and returned to his spot. Snuggled in tighter, like a cuddly koala. He was arranging himself as if he was planning a short nap on you.

And then you remembered something… You couldn't pass up an opportunity like this. An opportunity to have a little more fun.

Especially when he was so cute and vulnerable, exhausted after a full day of experiences.

-And what about your Rover?

-[M/N]~!

Brant scowled with that pouty face of his, and you snorted at this with genuine amusement.

You couldn't annoy him any longer.

-Okay okay. I'm sorry - you grabbed his cheek and looked deeply into his eyes - I promise I won't leave you again for more than five steps

When you thought that this would more than satisfy him, Brant furrowed his brow clearly displeased.

-No more steps. You must be close

Shit... what had you done to deserve him.

Without waiting any longer, you straightened up and saluted.

-Yes, captain! -you laughed again at the adorable groans of your sleeping boyfriend- No steps. I will be glued to you, so you won't be able to get rid of me

With a smile on your lips, you approached him, as your promise stated, and placed a sweet kiss on his forehead, sealing your words.

[helslastangel]

Vesta in the Signs

Note: This post will be updated consistently until all signs are included, so feel free to comment your Vesta sign and follow the post so you'll know when I add yours. <3

Vesta in Aries

A lot of people talk about looking out for #1, but you? You actually do it. You're highly independent and focused on your personal goals and achievements. It feels good to be on the move towards a worthy destination. Sitting around being stagnant isn't an option as far as you're concerned, and frankly? If other people decide to get in the way, you're quick to tell them where they can go and how to get there.

Your main priority is you.

Vesta in Taurus

When it comes to spotting and producing quality, no one can compete with you. Maybe others just pose as being the eagle-eyed, discriminating type, but you're 100% about that life. If something won't be made well, you'd rather it just not be made at all. If you're going to make or create something, it's not seeing the light of day until it's worthy. The gift of patience and persistence is yours. You can't be rushed and you're not one to give up on anything you've started. Once you find a comfortable routine and get in the zone, you're good to go.

Your main priority is to get results.

Vesta in Gemini

You're a lifelong student of the world. Without new opportunities to gain knowledge, you might just wither away. 😶‍🌫️ That is a fate you will avoid at any cost. So, over the years, you've become good at pulling information out of people and places that others wouldn't dream of. You live to know, rather than settle for knowing just enough to live. Your greatest fear could be anything, but boredom and isolation are far higher on the shortlist than death itself. Life for you is a series of teachable moments and intriguing experiences.

Your main priority is to learn.

Vesta in Cancer

Your home is your castle. Literally. You value your peace and are devoted to establishing a safe space for yourself and your loved ones. You're highly protective of your energy and anyone invited into the privacy of your home is usually someone special and trusted. It's an honor that you have no issue revoking if it's taken for granted. Creature comforts are never too far away when you're nearby. You enjoy nurturing others and are usually the mom friend in some way, regardless of gender. You're emotional but others usually overlook this because you're so caring.

Your main priority is your home & family.

[howlsofbloodhounds]

hello howl! do you have any favorite hcs of killer that you or someone else created? do yap if there's a lot, my brain is deprived of killer🥺

Alright, this are mostly about Stage 2 because he’s on my mind. Feel free to add on with yalls own killer hcs.

1. That Killer has ADHD. Probably a stereotype born from fanon killer’s personality, but I like it if it’s done well. (Which i rarely see, but that has been changing recently!)

2. That killer is some degree of blind or in general has a hard time seeing. Makes me think his other senses would be a lot better than his sight—especially his vision worsens depending on what Stage he’s in.

3. That he and Chara did pinky wears and the pink swears were sacred—not capable of being broken or the other has the right to kill or torture the snitch however they want. (My HC.) (Alexa play secret)

4. That Chara gave Killer Asriel’s half of the heart locket/golden locket, the one that said “bffs forever.” Especially if Killer has come to associate it with control, and it’s the only way to gain control over a Killer who has been stuck in Stage 4.

5. That his SOUL is a record player of all his victims dying, fearful, hurt, painted, angry, hateful and frantic words. Or at least Killer thinks it is—as he constantly hears them in his head whenever he attempts to resist killing or hurting anyone in Stage 1, and the constant flood of internal degradation is overwhelming enough to trigger Stage 4. The last part seems be somewhat canon, but the record player isn’t.

6. Cannibal Killer, started by me, holds a little place in my heart.

7. Cathearted and Angelkin Killer. Love it. Angelkin was @justanidiotartist’s idea.

8. Princess Killer. As in there is a timeline where he and Chara overthrew Asgore’s rule and became the royals of the Underground for a time.

9. That a part of Killer’s conditioning and training was being taught royal etiquette by Chara. It was framed and hidden under the disguise of learning something new, and a game— a way to keep Killer entertained and avoid boredom, therefore keeping him stable while implementing further rules and structure—but of course it had its typical violence and the use of Resets was often if Killer ever made a mistake or forgot a single thing.

He was taught to hold himself and carry himself as “something more,” above the others in the Underground, but never above Chara and not as real as anyone else.

His spine is always straight, trying to maintain a composed demeanor even when leaning into his silly behavior and extroverted mask. He eats his food in a very specific practiced manner without conscious thought, using his hands and utensils in a specific way.

He only eats when the “Queen” (Chara, Nightmare) eats, and stops when they stop—regardless of if he’s finished or not. Sarcastic, overly exaggerated bowing and signs of deference towards Nightmare—“Your Majesty,” “Your Highness,” in a deadpan, sarcastic manner.

And this one’s a bit more canon, but he copies and mimics Chara’s ways of speaking in a formal manner— such as how he says “greetings” instead of “hello” or “hey.” Often more obvious when addressing those he views higher and above him, or when stressed.

Maintaining old habits of perfectionism and cleanliness despite appearing outwardly apathetic, as if he doesn’t really know why he does it, he just does. His spaces are to be ordered and clean, all gear and weapons done in a certain way, and it’s probably more than once he’s corrected the others gang members postures and manners of eating or speaking.

One thing Chara never managed to make him stop doing was putting his hands on the table. He did that then and he’ll keep doing it. (Somewhat canon. Bro always has his hands on the table.)

10. Killer has the same fascination with the number 9 that Chara does. My HC.

11. Killer with schizoid personality tendencies. My HC. (Bit more complicated than that.)

12. Killer is subconsciously drawn to heart imagery—especially upside down hearts. He will often absentmindedly trace them on his bones/carve them, or draw on paper. It calms down his body. Especially after having failed some type of mission—both when killing or refusing to kill.

13. He stims. They’re small and not noticeable if you aren’t looking, easily dismissed as something else, but he stims. My HC. (I like to think his whole clasping hands over the soul/chest in prayer gesture is a happy stim and a nervous one. And also finger guns.)

14. He is a romantic. But only in his own head and fantasies.

15. Golden flower tea..yum.

16. He treats his weapons and animals better than he treats actual people or himself.

17. Stage 2 will blatantly ignore you if you try to call him Sans. (Somewhat canon.)

18. Stage 2 is mostly apathetic and indifferent but also distrustful of children. My Hc.

19. Chara and Killer’s relationship has been through just about any type of dynamic you can think of. Creator/creation, parent/child (both have played this role), teacher/mentee, enemies, friends, partners. Anything but equals.

20. He is actually very good at knife tricks. Will only fail when he wants to cut himself on purpose, or wants to make someone laugh.

21. Actually a pretty good caretaker, at least physically. Mentally and emotionally tending to a patient needs some work.

22. GNC fashionita.

23. Believes having no needs will make him invulnerable and free.

24. That a more humanized Killer would have long black hair he styles in many different ways. Also that he has a hooked nose and still doesn’t look entirely human.

25. The idea that he gives himself something like tattoos that remind him of Color in his Good Ending. Gradient flaming heart rainbows like Jinx’s blue cloud tattoos. My HC.

26. Catlike behaviors. Yeah. Including being very petty and causing problems for no obvious reasons.

27. Various forms or presentations of pet or age regression depending on the Stage.

28. Hates feeling too exposed physically. ✨ body issues ✨

29. Would’ve thrown the comfort plushie Color gave to him for when he’s Stage 1 away if it the plushie didn’t have an excellent texture. (Is the reasoning he gives.)

30. Acts of service. Just come to him instinctively. Very parentified eldest daughter coded I think.

[osleeplessflowero]

//Content Warnings: Blood, Violence, Drinking//

* Notes: - Gender Neutral Reader - Determination Soul ❤️

~"Knife" To Meet'cha🔪🌹~

The chill in the night air causes you to shiver as you hold your jacket closer to your body in an attempt to keep warm. The cold isn't the only thing giving you chills, however. Your eyes dart around, an uncomfortable feeling unable to be shaken no matter how hard you try to.

You can feel it..eyes on you in the shadows. Someone watching, waiting for the right moment to strike and catch you off guard. But they won't get you..not if you have anything to say about it. You pick up your pace, briefly spotting a silhouette walking behind you. Their speed picks up as well, sending you into a panic. You sprint under the streetlights, hoping you can find a local business that's still open to hide in.

"Running is just gonna make this worse for you!" The figure calls, making you furrow your brows. You take a few turns in an attempt to cut them off, frowning further when you realize you've hit a dead end. Of course this would be your luck.. you reluctantly turn to face the group of three men standing before you.

They're tall, intimidating. People you're all too familiar with around here, people who you've been told to avoid at all costs. And now you're face to face with them.

"We heard you were the one that killed our business partner. Our boss wasn't too happy about that."

"It was in self defense, he attacked me fir-" You're cut off.

"You wanted his money. That's always what it's about." The tall figure in the middle takes a puff from his cigarette. You scrunch up your nose at the smell. "I don't see why we shouldn't get payback for him..a life for a life."

"You wouldn't kill me out here- n-not where people can see you. It's stupid-"

"Call me a fool, but you're dyin' one way or another- I don't give a damn who sees."

Your eyes widen as they begin to close in on you, cornering you. You look around, praying to someone above and asking- no, pleading for a way out of this encounter.

A knife is thrown from above, landing at your feet. You look down at it in shock, trying to see who threw it, but unable to spot anyone amongst the shadows. Not wanting to waste time, you pick up the blade.

Killer has never grown tired of the air of the city hitting his clothes, making them flow as he soars over the rooftops, doing a bit of parkour and showing off as much as he'd like. Of course he has business in this universe, assigned personally by Nightmare to kill a target and spread negativity while he's at it. A typical Tuesday, in his eyes. Nothing too out of the ordinary. A few minutes prior he managed to successfully kill his target, and now was just..well, looking for trouble.

He kneels on the edge of one of the higher buildings of the city, looking for people to kill in order to invoke fear in those around them. There's not a lot of people out due to how late it is, making the chase harder.. He huffs, annoyed that there's nothing fun to do out here. Well, other than be a super cool guy, but that's all the ti-

He spots a group of humans chasing another, raising a browbone in curiosity. Oh? Gang stuff? He wonders what the person being chased could've done in order to piss three people off at the same time. Narrowing his eyesockets, he decides to do a CHECK to see.

Now that's interesting. Seems they've got some blood on their hands.. a pity they're about to die. Or..hmm. What if he just slightly interferes? Purely out of boredom, of course. He can kill somebody else later. Summoning a random knife, he holds up his arm, carefully aiming before throwing the blade down. Call it an experiment. He certainly hasn't done one of those in ages.

You spot the knife when it lands on the ground, picking it up with a Determined expression. Now this'll be fun..

You move one of your legs back, entering a fighting stance. The man in front of you spots your weapon, and upon trying to grab it from your hands, is met with a slash across his chest from you. Your eyes illuminate with a bright shade of red, an indicator that your Soul is ready for battle. It all happens so fast, you don't even realize how quickly and swiftly you're moving.

Charge, dodge, counter, stab.

One of the men cries out when you stab him somewhere fatal, knocking him onto the ground with your foot and finishing him off.

Charge, dodge, counter, slash.

You turn your head rapidly, slashing one of the other men that attempted to sneak up on you from behind. You continue the motion until he is no longer able to stand. Backing up a bit, you look confused as to where the biggest of the three had went-

"hey, heads up!" You hear someone shout from above, jumping out of the way of a massive blow to the head. Thanks, stranger.

Tightening your grip on the knife, you lunge at the man, pushing yourself up on his shoulders and launching into the air. He lets out a gasp of shock as you rise, Killer grinning wide as you fall rapidly down, plunging the knife through his head and sending you both to the ground. Pulling the knife out, you come back to your senses..your eyes returning to their natural hue. You drop the knife instinctively, leaning over and debating throwing up or not.

"not too bad."

You look over immediately, spotting a skeleton monster leaning against one of the closest buildings. He looks over you with a smug grin, a browbone raised. "a little amateur, but pretty good nonetheless."

"..You gonna snitch?" You ask, cautious around this stranger.

"nah. i'm not a snitch." He chuckles. "i'd like my knife back, though. i like keeping track of them, y'know?" He uses magic to bring the blade back to him, cleaning the blood off of it.

"..So it was you? You gave it to me? Why?"

"well, i like to cause a little chaos from time to time..and it seemed like you could use some help, so naturally i had to chime in." He twirls the blade in his hand with ease. "you're welcome, by the way."

You roll your eyes. "Whatever..I need a drink after all that shit."

Killer hums at that. He really doesn't wanna go home right now.. there's such a chill vibe to this city. Maybe he could..stick around just a little more..

"hey, how about i join you?" He suggests, earning a brow raise from you. "two people who know a little more than they should, just getting a drink together..how's that sound, human?"

"...I..guess that's okay. It uh..it can be to thank you for saving my ass back there. What's your name?"

"killer."

You look at his knife. "Well, that's a given, I suppose."

"got me there. so..where to?" He raises his browbones with a smug smile, earning a sigh from you as you turn back to the bloody corpses on the ground.

"Hold up a second. I gotta get rid of these before somebody finds them. All I need is another case on my hands.."

He grins. "allow me to help you with that."

"How?-"

He raises the bodies with magic, leans his arm back, and throws them as far as he possibly can. "tadaaaa."

"They- they can still be found out there-"

"trust me. they aren't reaching those bodies." He grins, holding an arm out for you. "c'mon, stop worrying so much. let's go get some drinks."

"Well..alright, I guess." You take his arm, walking with him to the nearest open bar. Would've been nice to know that was there earlier.

.

.

.

Surprisingly, Killer's..pretty easy to get along with. Even before you started drinking you found the guy to be quite a charmer, for a..well, a Killer. But you can't really say anything. You've become one yourself.

"oh my god, and don't get me started on my boss. he's so strict, like all the time- i just need a break from time to time, y'know?" He takes a sip of a drink he ordered. "like..it's just a lot sometimes."

"Yeah, I get that. They just keep pressuring you and pressuring you to get stuff done..how is anybody supposed to work under that much stress?" You swirl your drink of choice around in a glass. "It just makes your progress slow."

"THANK YOU." He gestures towards you, letting out a laugh. "somebody gets that! i just..don't understand why he doesn't."

"Maybe you should try talking to him about it sometime."

"yeah, that's like jumping into a tank of sharks. no way in hell. but..well, at least i can take breaks on missions from time to time, like this one."

You nod, looking down at the counter beside you. "So..are you going to be coming back to this universe?"

"i usually don't go back to universes i've already been through unless my boss has business." He looks to you, a curious glint to his empty eyesockets. "why? would you miss me?"

You avert your eyes. "No."

"bullshiiit, you're starting to like me. i can see it on your face. c'mon, throw me a bone-"

"Was that a skeleton joke?"

"ugh, i still do it by habit sometimes. ignore that. 'sposed to be the others' thing.." He frowns, earning a laugh from you.

"Well. I guess I would miss you." You look over at him. His browbones raise in surprise, not expecting you to agree. What a pleasant surprise. "You're..interesting company, to say the least."

"aww. wait, what do you mean by-"

"If you came back, well..I wouldn't be opposed to opening the various locks on my front door for you to come hang out." You smirk, causing the skeleton to blink in surprise, before mimicking your expression.

"yeah?" "Yeah."

"well, i uh..i suppose i'll see what i can do. if you don't change your mind by then."

You both continue to converse, before Killer gets a call, frowning as he finally hangs up.

"i've gotta go. but uh..see you around?" He points finger guns in your direction, earning an eye roll from you.

"Sure. Don't fall into the tank when you get back."

He lets out a laugh, giving you a playful nudge before shortcutting away. You revert to a bored expression once he's gone, paying and walking out of the bar, thankfully not too drunk to walk home yourself.

You've killed four men in the span of a week.. you're not quite sure how you feel about that yet. Entering your apartment and greeting a pet, you walk to your room and pass out on your bed, deciding to let the guilt and fear catch up with you when you're fully sober in the morning.

[headshotters]

my experiences with emotion.

i feel like a lot of people have a strange misconception that people with ASPD dont feel emotions, so im going to be explaining how i experience various emotions. feel free to share your experiences as well, either in comments or reblogs, i think its interesting to see how other people experience things

happiness - happiness for me is like... "i enjoy this situation" i guess?? like i wouldnt say its necessarily fun or entertainment but just a situation that i enjoy and find positive, usually not an intense feeling for me but not super dull either, intensity levels can vary ofc

sadness - more of a feeling of disappointment, i think? like "ohh that sucks" kinda?? idk i dont really ever get deeply sad, not to the point of hopelessness like some people i know do, more just a disappointment that i can quickly move on from

fear - not much of an emotion as it is activation of fight or flight, theres generally not much emotion or thought behind it, just instinct. i dont really tend to get anxious either, although i occasionally can overthink

anger - probably one of the most intense emotions i experience, its all consuming when i feel it, and physically will feel like hot ice rushing through my veins, impulsivity will also get harder to control

boredom - also one of the most intense emotions i feel, i feel bored most of the time, its like a soulcrushing lack of stimulation. like... being so understimulated that its overwhelming. usually leads to impulsive behavior because i really only feel entertained when there is risk involved

love - love is something i rarely ever feel, i can only think of 1 person in my life who i can say i love without a doubt, for me when i love someone ill find the persons presence calming and they will make me happy to be around, to the extent that ill sit around doing things i find boring just to be around the person. i also notice that when i love someone ill actually consider them a lot more in my decisions, usually im apathetic to most people and dont typically care how my choices or actions will impact people around me, but if i love someone i will go out of my way to not harm them (even if it means avoiding doing something i want to do)

hate - hate is like... caring about someone but in the opposite way of love. i generally disregard my actions impacts on others, but if i hate someone, i will try to hurt them if at all possible. theyre considered in my decisions but in the opposite way of people i love. being around people i hate will make me angry and impulsive

empathy - i dont experience emotional empathy at all, the closest thing i experience to any form of empathy is being able to determine what someone is feeling and sometimes a possible reason as to why. it doesnt mean ill care that theyre upset (in a good or bad way, as in i dont want them to be upset or find it good that theyre upset, but i also dont really feel bad that theyre upset) or even agree that the situation should be upsetting, but i can recognize that they are. depending who they are and how i feel towards them, ill either try to help or just ignore them

guilt - i also dont really experience guilt, the closest thing i can experience is regret i think?? i can acknowledge that i should not have done something because it had a consequence that i dont like, but i dont really feel bad about it, its more of "damn. whyd i do that. now i have to deal with this." instead of an actual guilty feeling. i think my lack of guilt makes it a lot harder to actually learn from my mistakes, because even when something i do has a consequence i dont like, i usually just feel mild disappointment or irritation but not strong enough to keep me from doing the same action in the future

[cryingbluez]

Artwork wip of my new Monster Hunter Stories (2) oc. (Not in the same world as my other oc)

Haku's main monster is an Abyssal Lagiacrus called Zanka. Zanka specifically has a dive mechanic, so be able to explore underwater areas.

Kinship stone shares same colour as his eye. The armour isn't any know in-game armour, but a combo/fusion between several different armour sets. e.g. Cheval in mhs2 has custom blue ratha armour. So I wanted to give Haku custom armour.

He's not the main protag in the world, but travels alongside them. Though occasionally he splits off to do his own thing.

(more under cut)

_____

Very short version of his story:

Born in Lulucion (Lamure) to a hunter family, he didn't want to be a hunter, due to having an intense fear of monsters. He wanted to do research on things over actually deal hands on with monsters. Due to reasons he ended up exploring a lot of ruins, making him decide he wants to be someone who learns about ancient civilizations. And due to a particularly rough patch with his family he got into a boat and tried to sail to Pomore Gardens (for the Felyne Village), but got caught up in a storm and ended up at Hakolo Island.

Haku was after a few days found by a scout of Mahana Village and was taken there and Chief Gara took Haku under his wing and raised Haku. Haku didn't want to become a rider, but would still listen to any teaching Kayna gave him, mainly out of politeness. Haku wasn't allowed out of the village much without someone to protect him, or a monstie (which Haku didn't want). (In this time he also gets along with the main protag, haven't made an oc to fill that role yet)

Due to boredom Haku went to go explore the beach (he had snuck out the village) where he had first washed up since he remembered seeing some ruins there that he wanted to check out and raid for any interesting items. He ended up finding a discarded kinship stone, and then got attacked by a Green Nargacuga, forcing him to hide in the ruins.

The oceans tide also began to rise, which Haku knew it would drown him since the ruins will be taken underwater. During his escape he found an egg. And accidentally hatched it (see post about how i think kinship stones work) via the stone unintentionally shining on the egg.

The monster was an Abyssal Lagiacrus, Haku remembering Kayna's teachings about always taking care of a monster, no matter the situation, and the fact he kinda forced this egg to hatch, not wanting to leave a baby to fend for itself, picked up the Lagi and escaped the situation with it.

He was obviously told off for sneaking off and getting into a dangerous situation, but most punishment was avoided due to everyones confusion about the Lagi. The whole entire time the Lagi had never stopped staring at Haku. Which made Haku feel bad when he was deciding what he wanted to do with it. Kayna suggested to him that he could use the Lagi to explore underwater ruins, and be one of the first few people to do so. Which would allow Haku to work on his dream job while covering an area that was yet to be explored.

So Haku ended up keeping and naming the Lagi, Zanka. Haku would train with Zanka and train to dive, hold his breath and learn about the underwater world.

_____

The main story events take place a year or so later. But I will talk about that when I finish his ref. His age is 15-16, main protag is around 14-15 (basically a year younger than Haku).

I also talk a little bit more about Zanka in his full info as well, and I talk more about Haku's personality too.

_____

The armour inspo, thou a lot of these things I ended up not using.

[paperlifted]

When it comes to the age-old (haha) debate on the 2k3 turtles and the age order, I ultimately come down on the side of there being no meaningful 'age' order. Whether or not they hatched at exactly the same time, the show is pretty clear about them being mutated at a very similar developmental point, and then raised together under the same conditions by the same parent. They call each other brother often; they refer to Splinter as their father occasionally; they never throw around any 'big bro's or 'little bro's, and Splinter never introduces any of them as his eldest or youngest. Literal, physical age doesn't factor much into their family dynamic.

A mix of temperament and assumed individual responsibility absolutely does, however, and this is what tends to make Leo and Mikey fixed points on either end of the spectrum and leaves Raph and Donnie playing eternal switcheroo in greater fandom discussions. Leo and Mikey sit very firmly in their niches; Raph and Don can be a little more situational, I think.

(More blah blahing below.)

Mikey's easy. Mikey doesn't want any of the hassle that comes with being A Responsible Person. He's a classic enneagram 7 in a lot of ways, unwilling to experience real pain, fear, or boredom if he can avoid it - and he puts effort into avoiding it! Mikey doesn't get away with things because the rest of the family can't help but remember him as an adorable baby and want to spoil him; he gets away with things because he's a conniving little shit (affectionate) who has guaranteed there are consequences for asking Michelangelo to do anything he doesn't really wanna. "Would you rather have Mikey happy, or Mikey bored?" Bored Mikey is making it everyone's problem. He whines, he sulks, he goofs off, he deliberately does jobs badly so people won't ask him to help... and every now and then he has to eat crow when the rest of the family dismisses or knuckles down on him as a result.

It's not a mindset that can really develop without some amount of enabling, of course, and Mikey wouldn't be Mikey if he didn't have three brothers and a father exasperatedly willing to take up at least some of his slack. He accepts their lead because leadership is earned, and he'll cheerfully shrug and admit he's never tried to earn it; they have, and he trusts in that with so little question it borders on hero worship at times. The pushbacks he gives are the pushbacks of his entire life philosophy - does it really have to be this serious all the time, dudes? is carrying around all that worry and anger really helping any of us? - but he's self-aware enough to be able to articulate the reliance he has on his family to shoulder stresses for him. It softens his selfishness: he respects his brothers, the disciplined Leo most of all, and his faith in them is a powerful thing. When things get dire, they're the ones who'll know how to fix it, and he'll do the part he's assigned.

Leo is similarly fixed in his position through both nature and conscious choice. "Tales of Leo" shows us a kid who was already the hall monitor of the family, the reliable one, the worrier, more inclined to reinforce the rules than break them and forever keeping an eye on the others. He takes himself pretty seriously, for both good (a hard worker who has genuinely mastered his art and has depths of emotional resilience to draw on) and ill (a condescending bossypants who experiences failure as a blow to his core self-identity), and it seems to have been that way well before the show began.

We never see the moment Leo is officiated as The Leader, so we don't know for sure how much nurture was involved leading up to to it: whether there was a point in their childhood where Splinter often used to leave Leo in charge when he was away on trips, whether he always planned for one of the brothers to step in as head of the family in preparation for the inevitability of his own passing, or whether it was strictly meant to be a hierarchy for above-ground excursions and the risk of conflict that slowly became more of a norm than Splinter ever expected. Whatever the case, by the time we meet him Leo himself has clearly accepted that he is the leader and spends the rest of the show actively pursuing that role. Because they're a team and a family, the more Leo grows into this position - and he does grow into it! check out how much pushback he receives from his sibs in the very first episode versus after "Tales of Leo" - the more the others accept it as part of their domestic hierarchy as well, though there's always room for some ribbing if Leonardo starts leaning on them a little too heavily. They're unsettled and upset whenever the role is vacated. They rely on him to be who and what he is, and support him from their own places.

Don and Raph, meanwhile... in my early fandom days it was very widely accepted that Raph was the 'second eldest', and that's not without reason. Unlike Mikey, Raph does want to be in charge for at least a little while, it's suggested he's stronger and possibly bigger / bulkier / hardier than the others, and even after he concedes the role of leader he maintains his niche as protector. The responsibility Raph takes on himself is very simple: this is his family and no one messes with it (except him). Doesn't matter if the threat is physical or emotional, external or internal - if something is seriously fucking with his family then he ain't having it. He'll slap down killer robots and sibling self-recrimination with the same unflinching determination. It makes him a sturdy shelter the others can turn to in times of distress, and a quick responder in a crisis.

What holds him back is that he frequently shirks the responsibility to take charge of himself. Raph rides the highs and lows of his emotions without brakes, and it makes himself reckless and impulsive in ways that could be genuinely dangerous - if he didn't have three brothers there who'll usually check him before it gets to that point. "Raph's free not to think," Mikey points out, and it has to be acknowledged he takes liberties with that freedom, the same way Mikey takes liberties with his license to slack off. Sometimes he's the one who's messing with his family, and sometimes he's aware of it, and sometimes he doesn't do as much about it as he could. Raph undermines his own value as a 2IC every time Leo has to devote his focus to yanking him back into line. It's definitely something that improves as they all grow up, but it's also just an accepted truth in the family hierarchy: someone has to be ready to keep Raph from going off half-cocked.

On the flipside, Don has taken on a huge amount of self-appointed responsibility as the family technician - he maintains their home, builds their equipment, and provides invaluable advice in the field. I've referred to Donnie as the strategic 2IC a few times because, genuinely, he knuckles down with Leo a lot to hash out their plans, be they the rare times they get to actually lay out a strategy or on-the-fly reactions to the strange things they encounter day by day.

At the same time Don, like Mikey, doesn't really seem to want the specific responsibilities of leadership. His inventions are a passion, not just a necessity, and he likes to have the time and space to devote to them, and to his learning, and to his friends. He doesn't want to be constantly keeping an eye on everyone, or always having to be the voice of fretful reason over the voice of 'that seems kind of fun, though'. He outright abdicates from intervening in family conflicts sometimes, a la his iconic "ooh, I'm not touching that one" moment. Leo and Raph are fighting? Don and Mikey are rolling their eyes at each other about it. No thanks. Not his bag.

I wouldn't call Raph and Don twins myself, but I also don't know that I'd portray them as having the same kind of consistent hierarchy with each other as they do with Leo and Mikey. It's complicated! Raph's role as protector makes him more of a watchdog by simple nature, consistently covering Don's back on the battlefield, worrying about his emotional state, being the one turned to in a pinch (the equally iconic, "Raphie, we've got trouble down here..."). Don will take charge, though! He and Splinter call a lot of the initial shots in "Shredder Strikes Back Part 2"; he drives most of what they do in "Return to the Underground"; he is calling the hell out of those shots during "H.A.T.E". And Raph doesn't object when he does. Don's smart; if he says this is how it has to play then, well, most of the time Raph goes with it unquestioningly. There's some real admiration there.

The fall of the Lair in "Prodigal Son" is another interesting insight into their dynamic. Don effectively decides that they need to retreat, but he won't do it without Raph's agreement. It takes both of them to make a call on that scale, and though Raph clearly takes on the ultimate burden of being the one to pull the trigger - and thus carries the most anxiety about the consequences - he needs that check from Don to be able to do it. He needs that reining in from his own aggressive impulse.

Long story short - they're a weird family! Trying to wedge them too hard into any sort of pre-determined dynamics like "older" or "younger" is always guaranteed to risk flattening out some of the finer nuances that arise when you're a quintet of mutants living isolated in a sewer. It's still really interesting how they all play off each other.

[cave-n-dish]

The Spectacled Beholder

Name: Doctor Emon Cavendish

Gender: Left it on the surface (he/they))

Height: 6'2" (188cm)

Occupation: Enquirer, working under the Honey-Addled Detective’s wing.

Prominent skills: Watchful, Shadowy, Persuasive

Prominent quirks: Subtle, Heartless, Hedonist, Steadfast

Reputation:

Dr. Cavendish hasn’t been in London long but they’ve surely been busy. It isn’t uncommon to see them skittering through alleyways and avenues alike, keen eyes flitting this and that way in search of opportunity. Not much is known for sure about them, just that he came from the surface and took to the city like it was his to begin with. However, there are rumours about a brother they apparently have on the surface, about their previous life being an overly sheltered one, or even about their academic pursuits being a front for activities tied to The Great Game. For now, the doctor hasn’t sworn allegiance to any faction yet, and their intentions remain a bit of a mystery to any prying eyes.

Personality:

SUBTLE; despite their eccentric appearance, Cavendish is nothing if not discreet. They’ve apparently spent a lot of their life avoiding people’s scrutiny and they prefer to be a fly on the wall rather than the centre of attention.

HEARTLESS; simply put, Cavendish doesn’t much care for the wellbeing of others. They’ve seen what it does to people, caring too much, and they’d rather avoid the hassle. Close relationships are quite alien to them due to this fact, but he’s amused when people try to form one (and someday, someone might sneak through one of his cracks)

HEDONIST; on the surface, the good doctor was said to be a bit of a shut-in, rarely leaving his family’s abode unless strictly necessary. Those restrictions are far behind them now, as they set out to sample all that London has to offer (especially the honey that their Detective friend is so fond of).

STEADFAST; despite their many faults, Cavendish is known to be a person of their word. That word may be bought with coin, secrets or favours, but outside of exceptional circumstances it is a matter of first come, first served.

+bonus: ALLERGIC TO BOREDOM; Cavendish has curiosity in spades as well as an overactive mind that can’t go very long without entertainment. A discerning mind will realise that this is the prime reason why they struggled in high society and why they decided to delve into Fallen London instead. Their smile is brightest when discovering something new and slightly scandalous (perhaps a bit too bright). Due to this they are also quite attracted to all manner of non-human beings found in the Neath.

Example Dialogue:

"Miss Bean,

If we are to cooperate in our investigation I must INSIST on getting rid of those wounds all over your person. I am acquainted with matters of the flesh and its rending (as I am sure you garnered from the scar across my own face, hah!) and I know that leaving a wound untreated is sure to cause unnecessary bleeding at the most inopportune time. If you were to leave a dripping trail of blood behind us right as our investigation is coming to its climax, why I fear I would have to abandon you there and then! And I would so miss your charm. Meet me in my lodgings within the next three days, I have some medical supplies left over from my latest errand for the Department of Menace Eradication.

Ever your servant,

Dr. E. Cavendish”

[lyn-and-lucky]

Enough Isn't Enough (SMG4 Fic)

My retelling of what happened during and after the events of "You Shouldn't have Done That" and "Enough is Enough", from Three's P.O.V.

CW: Blood, Injuries, Depictions of a panic attack, lots of swearing(?)

Three felt like he was going crazy.

He wasn't- hopefully- but the feeling wormed its way into his brain, burrowing deep and refusing to leave. The constant buzzing of the fluorescent lights overhead certainly didn't help. Neither did the hushed murmurs and sobs coming from others nearby. Complete strangers, yet Three couldn't help but wish they would shut up. You think you have it bad? My (guardian!) partner is being treated for horrific injuries right now, and we don't even know if he'll wake up! Nothing could be worse than what he- we are going through!

Three knew he shouldn't be thinking like that. Everyone in this damn waiting room was the same- they all sat in the same cheap chairs, breathed the same stuffy air, waiting on the news that their loved ones were okay- or dead.

The clacking of old keyboards made his hands curl into fists. The grating sound from a line of apathetic receptionists, typing down who went in and out of emergency care. I wonder where Four is on that list... I wonder if he's a high priority. He better be, or else-!

The creaking of the entrance alerted him to a newcomer. He expected another stranger, but was instead met with a familiar face. "Meggy?"

Meggy's face lit up when she spotted him. In only a second, she had pulled him into a crushing hug. "SMG3!"

"Wha- let go of me you damn squid!" He tried in vain to push her off, but she was impressively strong. She eventually released him, worry laced in every feature.

"I was told SMG4 was here?" She tapped her foot, glancing around. "Is he okay?"

"Obviously not," he snapped. He immediately regretted it. "Just- the doctors took him, and I haven't heard anything since."

Meggy crossed her arms, holding herself in a way. Despite her obvious fear, she maintained an optimistic outlook. "That's good news then! If something went wrong, then the doctors would have told us he was... he was..." She couldn't force the word out.

Three sat back down, offering up the empty seat next to him. The other people tended to avoid him, giving that he was glowering at anything and everything in this god-forsaken place. Meggy was an obvious outlier, choosing to join him. "So... what happened?"

Three sighed. "Four got injured... somehow. It looks like it was caused by an explosion- not one of mine of course!- and he was generally in a horrible condition. We called the ambulance right away."

"I know that part. Well, not the explosion part, but still. I was wondering how it happened?" Meggy kept her eyes fixed on the clock, watching it tick away.

"I don't know exactly," he admitted. "I only have bits and pieces. Nothing remotely helpful."

"Then tell me what you do know." Meggy rested her hand on his shoulder, now looking him right in the eyes. "I can't stand just sitting here with no clue as to what happened or how to help."

"Alright," Three surrendered, "But it's a long story. It started about an hour ago..."

One Hour Earlier

It was a boring day in the castle. Three was on his break, and decided to spend it playing "Mario waits for the Bus". Not the most exciting game, but it'll do. Anything to cure the unrelentless boredom.

Three could tell he was nearing the end of the game. Even though it wasn't fun in the slightest, at least he could have the satisfaction of winning. At least, he thought he could, before he was oh-so-rudely interrupted.

The first issue came from outside. A rumbling growl was the only forewarning before a huge crash came from the front door. He heard what he assumed was a car driving inside the damn castle, before crashing once again. Three couldn't be bothered to check what was going on. Probably just Mario being a dumbass, as per usual, he grumbled in his thoughts.

That theory was quickly dismantled by the sound of shouting coming from the room behind him. Someone, distinctly not Mario, was absolutely raging. A second voice, easily recognizable as Four, yelled back, but in a much more fearful tone. Three couldn't tell if Four was being genuinely threatened, or if he was just being a wuss again.

The former turned out to be true when Four was thrown through the damn wall and landed on the same couch he was on. Three stared for a moment- silence- before resting his feet on his friend. When life gives you lemons... 

His excitement was short-lived when Karen burst through the door and stood in front of the screen. Her fur was spiked up, tail lashing like a whip, and breathing heavily. What was most concerning was the amount of pure rage in her eyes. She was certainly not one to be messed with- and Three decided to go exactly that.

"Dude, outta the way. I'm gaming!"

Karen hissed, matching his glare with one a thousand times stronger. She slammed her paw into the console, breaking it beyond repair.

"HEY! I was gonna win!" 

"WHERE ARE MY KIDS?!" Karen was suddenly much closer, screaming right in his face. It was infuriating, to say the least.

"How should I know?!" Three got up from the couch, stomping over to face Karen head on. "Maybe if you spent less time yelling at me, and more time being a good parent, you wouldn't have lost them!"

Karen gasped, anger draining from her face. She looked horrified. Had the thought of not shrieking at random people not occurred to her? Fucking asshole!

Three grabbed Karen's arm and Four's overalls, before heaving them both out of the room. "Now LET ME GAME!!" The slam of the door cut out his view of Karen struggling to her feet. In the next moment, he could hear sobbing coming from outside. Three felt a pang of guilt, but quickly pushed it down. It's not my fault she lost her kids! Why should she get to take it out on me?!

Three rummaged through the room, looking for something else to play. He pretended not to eavesdrop... but if they wanted their conversation to be private, why would they have it right outside of the room they know I'm in? Who cares, they aren't even talking-

"My kids..." Karen weeped, "...they're... gone..." Nevermind.

"Hey c'mon, it'll be okay..." The hell? Why is Four helping her, didn't she just drive a car through his house and throw him through a wall? Three scoffed. He was always too kind for his own good...

"You know how kids are, I'm sure they're just goofing off somewhere!" Four tried his best to reassure Karen. "In fact... Beeg SMG4 usually hangs out with your kids, right? He might be able to help!" Strong sniffing sounded nearby, alongside Beeg's signature pufferfish sound. "He's got one heck of a honker. He'll sniff 'em out no problem!"

A beat passed, with no response from Karen. "We'll find 'em Karen. Don't worry..."

Three couldn't tell what was going on, with no one talking. The curiosity was killing him. He pressed an ear to the door, listening to the vague sound of rustling. Footsteps came next, fading off into the distance. Once he was certain they had left, Three peeked outside. The entrance had been left wide open, and he just managed to spot them running off into the distance.

Three groaned, trudging up to close the doors. Between the skid marks on the floor and the massive hole in Four's wall, the castle wasn't looking too hot. I do have some cleaning supplies in my cafe...

Hold on! Three began to pace as he argued with himself. Sure, I have nothing else to do, but that doesn't mean I'm going to help out! Even though relaxing is boring as all hell... goddammit, am I really going to clean someone else's house on my break?

30 Minutes Earlier

The answer was apparently yes.

Three stood back, looking proudly upon his work. The floor had been polished to perfection, not a single tire mark in sight. You couldn't even tell a car had driven through here! Well, if you ignored the broken wall, that is. He had removed the debris, but there wasn't much he could do about the hole itself. Overall, the castle was clean as ever!

That was, until Luigi burst through the door. Covered in grime from head to toe, tracking in mud. Three could smell the sweat from where he was, on nearly the opposite side of the room. Whether it was from running or his clear panic, Three wasn't sure. 

The latter seemed more likely, given how distressed the other looked. His hands were fidgeting like crazy, and his breaths were quick and shallow. His eyes, darting from side to side, quickly landed on Three. "I-!"

"Seriously?!" Three interrupted him, stomping up to Luigi. "I just cleaned in here, and you completely fu-" His tirade was halted when Luigi violently flinched back. "...dude, you good?"

"I- I-" He tried and failed to get his breathing under control. "Mario is- is- he's in trouble. Where-"

"Woah, okay, hold on." Three interrupted him, but this time for a good reason. "You've gotta breathe."

Luigi shook his head, as if vehemently against the idea. "Where i- is he?"

"Not here." Three tried to remember whatever breathing exercises were helpful for panic attacks. Is this a panic attack? Probably. "Now, back to breathing-"

"Four?" His voice cracked. "Is he here?"

"Left a bit ago." Three grabbed Luigi by the shoulders, which was probably a terrible thing to do to someone having a panic attack, but comforting people wasn't exactly his specialty. "Just- copy me, okay?"

Luigi finally obliged, imitating Three exaggerated breathing the best he could. The first few breaths were as shaky as his hands, but both got better as time went on. Three used the same techniques he used whenever he had panic attacks- A very rare occurrence!- and they obviously worked for Luigi too. After what felt like forever, he had calmed down. As calm as that coward can be...

Now that he was close-up, Three noticed a few things he hadn't before. The grime was still very much present, but a large amount of it was actually dust, as if he had ended up in some abandoned place. His overalls were scuffed up as well, frayed and ripped in several spots. Most concerning of all was the electrical burn, right between the eyes. It looked almost too... deliberate to be an accident. "What the hell happened to you?"

Luigi's breath hitched, but he shook it off. "No time. I need to warn Mario!"

"Warn the guy who gets lethally injured daily?" Three resisted the urge to slap him. "Unless it's something with meme energy, he'll be fine."

He paused, slowly coming to his senses. "He... he won't die, but he could still be in pain!"

"Half the time Mario doesn't even feel pain!" Three threw his hands up. "Not to mention he'll forget anything that happened by tomorrow. So, just tell me what happened!"

Luigi fidgeted with his sleeves. "You- you might want- uh- want to sit down for- for this."

"Sure, whatever." Three gestured for him to follow, leading him to the random couch in the middle of the room. They sat a distance apart- the duo weren't the closest of friends, to put it lightly. But I'm the only one here for him now. Alright Three, let's put that psychology degree to work. You chose to be a good guy, after all.

"I was- uhm, this happened just earlier, and- so, I was gardening, when uh- Karen, you know her, right?" Three nodded. That's the cat lady Four ran off with. "Karen- she, uhm, came up to me, and knocked me out."

"Well that escalated quickly." He realized it probably wasn't the time for jokes. "Anyway, what happened next?"

"I- I woke up somewhere dark. I was tied up too, and I saw- there were- I saw guns hanging on the wall, and knives, and-!" He cut off, taking a moment to steady his breathing. "Karen was- she asked me where "he" was but I didn't know w- who she- I didn't know, and she had a generator, and- and a cord-"

"Karen did that to you?!" Three pointed at the burn on Luigi's face. He nodded, turning away. 

"Karen seemed... really angry, and it- she only did it once-"

"She fucking electrocuted you, Luigi!" Three stared at him in disbelief. "Any amount of torture is still torture!" I can't believe he's making excuses for her. He's way too soft... just like Four. Three tensed up. Four ran off with her- fuck, is she going to hurt him too?!

Luigi's gaze was still anchored to the floor, so he missed the look of horror on his friend's face. "She, uhm, used my phone to track Mario... I managed to untie myself but I couldn't- I didn't know where..." He was trembling again.

Three placed a hand on his shoulder. "It'll- uh- it'll be alright." He was still panicking internally, but he knew putting it all on Luigi wouldn't help. Feeling bad when other people feel bad... this sucks. I hate being a good guy sometimes...

Luigi finally met his eyes, a smile gracing his face for the first time since he came here. "Thank you, Three." But the feeling of helping out... that makes it all worth it.

Three grinned as well. "You're wel- GAH!" He doubled over, searing pain exploding through his back. He gritted his teeth, the tensing of his jaw adding a dull throb onto the mountain of fire that was his body at the moment. He could've sworn his bones were cracking under an invisible pressure. He could barely hear Luigi's frantic questions through the ringing in his ears. The pain flared, and then-

It was gone.

Three froze in his position. All of the pain was gone. Not even an ache left in his back. "The fuck?" He whispered, slowly sitting back up again. Had I imagined all of that? Am I going crazy?

"Three?" Right, yeah, Luigi was talking to him. "What's wrong?"

"I..." Three frowned, turning to the other. "Nothing. Not anymore, I guess."

"...what?"

"Something just happened to me..." Three rubbed his back, still devoid of any pain. "For a split second, I felt all this pain, and now-" He cut off, slowly moving his shoulders and such, trying to see if he had pulled something the worst way possible. No matter what he did, the result was the same- nothing.

"Uhm..." Luigi glanced around. "Do you want pain meds?"

Was he even listening? "Nothing hurts, so no." Three sighed, rubbing his face. "Let's just get you bandaged up, yeah?"

"Oh-!" Luigi's hand drifted to the burn on his face. "Right. Yes, that would be nice."

"Stay here, I'll get the medkit." Three got up from the couch. A walk will clear my head... even if it's just from this room to the next. "We'll get you fixed up in no time."

15 Minutes Earlier

Three was proud to say his medical skills were still intact. He had to bandage himself plenty of times when he was alone, so bandaging another person was a piece of cake! All he really needed was a bandage patch, but still. 

Luigi was in much better shape now. He was calm despite it all- maybe he's less of a coward than I thought. Three shook his head, clearing any distracting and/or introspective thoughts from his mind. "You should probably get cleaned up. I know Four has a bath around here... somewhere..." Should I have waited to bandage him until after the bath? Shit, maybe my skills aren't as sharp as I thought.

"A relaxing bath sounds wonderful..." Luigi trailed off. "But I still can't stop worrying about Mario. It's almost like I can hear his screams..." He shuttered.

Wait.

Three frowned. "So can I." Sure enough, the familiar shrieking of their favorite red italian grew louder and louder with every passing second. But it didn't sound like it usually did- there was something raw and desperate laced into every decibel. The duo stiffened, eyes darting to the front doors.

With enough force to knock both doors clean off their hinges, Mario burst into the castle. A faint smattering of filth covered his entire body. With ragged breaths, his eyes locked onto the two. But Three didn't notice. All his attention was focused on the figure in his arms.

"FOUR!"

In half a second Mario was up by them, giving them a closer look. The person in his arms was barely recognizable. Soot and ash stained his classic clothes near-black. His outfit was torn, singed, and in some places, completely burned through. The few places his skin was exposed, save for his face, were covered in scrapes or burns. One of Mario's hands, placed between his shoulder blades, was tainted red with blood, where the wounds were likely the most severe. Worst of all, he wasn't moving. He wasn't even breathing, as far as Three could tell. Four looked like a corpse. Please don't be dead, please don't be dead-!

-the pain I felt, it was our connection, I should've-

-electrical burns, like Luigi's-?

-why isn't Mario hurt-?

-Karen did this, I'll fucking kill her-

-please don't leave me-

Three forcefully shoved the thoughts from his head. In a dream-like daze, he took Four from Mario's arms and placed him on the couch. Mario, surprisingly enough, let him go without any resistance. Luigi was frozen, staring at Four with widened eyes.

"Luigi! Mario!" Three's voice snapped him back to reality. "Call an ambulance!" With how many injuries he has, we need as much help as we can get.

The brothers jumped into action. Three, meanwhile, kneeled in front of the couch where Four laid down. He tore off one of his gloves, pressing two of his fingers beneath the other guardian's jawbone. Please, please, please-! The steady but weak thumping of Four's heart sent relief crashing through Three. Next, he checked for breathing. Albeit faint, it was there. Thank god, it's not as bad as it seems... 

Three flipped him onto his stomach, the blood staining his back barely visible through all the grime. He tried to pull the other's shirt up to access the worst of the damage. Normally, he would be petrified at the very idea of doing this, but seeing the blood seeping from guardian partner's back, he figured it was justified. He tugged at the shirt, but it seemed it was stuck to the blood and burns. Three tugged at it harder, only to be stopped by Luigi grabbing his wrists.

"Don't," Luigi warned. "You might hurt him even more."

Three couldn't rein in his temper, ripping his arm out of Luigi's grasp. "I can't just leave him to bleed out!"

Luigi seemed... surprisingly calm, despite everything. "Help is on the way. He'll be okay, Three." The sound of his own words repeated back to him only pissed him off more.

"Okay?! OKAY?! HE LOOKS LIKE A FUCKING CORPSE!"

A hitched breath sounded from behind Three. Mario was frozen in place, still as a statue. Considering his inability to stop moving for even a few seconds most of the time, it was especially concerning. He looked like he was about to burst into tears any second. Three chalked up his behavior to being nothing more than worry.

Either way, he had no more time to ponder over it. The wailing of sirens threw him into motion. He scooped Four back off the couch, taking off towards the entrance. He burst through the open doors, nearly blinded by the daylight. He refused to let himself stop.

Paramedics flocked around him, taking Four from his arms after a moment of resistance. Three moved to follow them into the ambulance, only to be stopped by one of them. "I'm sorry sir, medical personnel only."

Three stared up at them, an obviously unsettling look on his face by the way they backed up. Before he could do anything drastic, a hand landed on his shoulder. "I'll drive us there." Luigi gestured to Mario's car, which certainly wasn't safe for three people, but it was the only option they had. Three, after much deliberation, nodded. Fading footsteps signaled the brothers going to the car.

Three watched as the ambulance pulled away, taking Four with it.

Present

"...and now I'm here."

Three waited with baited breath, mood sobered even more. The faint buzzing of the electrical lights and the mutters of strangers filled the awkward silence. Meggy took his story in, fire lighting in her eyes. "I can't believe Karen would do that to Luigi! She better have a good reason for this..."

"I'm more upset with what she did to Four," Three scoffed. 

"Wait-" Her eyes widened; It was like someone had poured gasoline over the flames of her anger. "Karen was the one who did that to him?!" 

"Duh!" Three threw his hands up. "Four leaves with her, she electrocutes Luigi, and then Four comes back with a shit-ton of burns! It's pretty obvious."

"I mean... did Mario see her do it?"

"Uh- about that..."

"What?" Meggy's face furrowed. "What did he tell you?"

"That's the thing." Three shook his head. "He didn't tell me anything."

"Why?"

"I don't know! He hasn't even spoken once. Normally I'd be overjoyed that the idiot finally learned how to shut up, but..." He glanced away, unable to meet her eyes. "Something about this feels wrong."

Meggy put a hand on her chin. "Maybe he just doesn't know anything."

"Then why wouldn't he just tell us that?" Three crossed his arms over his chest. "I was hoping you could get some information out of him."

"Me? Why not Luigi?"

He resisted the urge to snap at her. "He got tortured in an interrogation, remember? He's hardly in any condition to do the same." He sighed, meeting her eyes again. "You two are like brother and sister. If anyone can do this, it's you."

Meggy brightened up again, allured by the idea of being helpful. "I'll try my best!"

"You better," Three joked. "I'd like to know exactly what Karen did before we go after her."

"Before we what?!"

"What?" Meggy was looking at him like he was the crazy one. "You seriously don't want revenge? She could end up hurting another one of the crew if we don't put a stop to her!"

"But we don't know if she was the one who hurt Four," she argued back. "All we know for sure is that she hurt Luigi."

"And hunted down Mario," Three added with a raised brow. "Not to mention, is torture really not bad enough for you?"

"I'd like to know all the facts before we do anything drastic."

"Fine, whatever." Three didn't bother to hide his glare. "But don't think I'm the only one who's after vengeance. I know Saiko will back me up here." He had seen Saiko earlier, comforting Luigi with Tari by her side. The look of pure bloodlust on her face... the memory alone made him shudder.

"Listen, Three..." Meggy placed a hand on his shoulder. "I'm as worried as you are, but-"

"Worried? I'm not worried!" Three huffed, brushing off her hand.

Meggy raised a brow. "...as I was saying, I'm as worried as you are, but we should focus on helping our friends instead of exacting revenge."

"First off all, not my friends. Second, vengeance is very helpful!"

She sighed. "I'm not going to be able to convince you otherwise, am I?"

"Nope."

"Fine." Meggy stood up, giving him one final glance before she left. "I'm going to find Mario. Tell me if anything happens with Four, alright?" Three gave her a non-committal grunt in response. It was apparently enough, seeing as she disappeared out the entrance door. 

The silence was stifling, filled with only the faint but grating sounds of the hospital. Three cast his gaze to the floor. His guardian connection flared up as he focused. Four, if you're hearing this... please tell me you're alright.

There was no response.

[donnerpartyofone]

I saw this post a few weeks ago that was like a chart from a psychology text that described how different sorts of childhood trauma can produce different dysfunctions, one of which was (I *think*) Emotional Neglect -> Magical Thinking. I was so intrigued by that. Magical thinking is sort of an umbrella term for the belief in a causal relationship between two unrelated factors; it can include wishing on a birthday cake candle; the feeling that The Universe is telling you to call your ex because something reminded you of them; OCD-type rituals that you believe will ward off misfortune; the deeper meanings mis-assigned to mundane events that can be produced by schizo-affective disorders; and also religious convictions to some degree, although those are rarely considered a clinical problem as with anything that helps or doesn't seem to hurt the participants. There seem to be as many potential causes of magical thinking as there are forms of the thought pattern itself, and trauma is an interesting one.

It might be better to think of "trauma" as "helplessness" here. Magical thinking can help impose a feeling of organization where there is chaos and loss of any sense of significance. There was a lot of magical thinking going around in the gritty, depressed town where I'm from, and I often thought it was because of the persistent economic pressure. It's relatively normal for kids to be susceptible to spooky ideas, but many of the adults were also full of ghost stories and superstitions. I have one very sensible friend who is smarter than I am, who grew up there too, and we often reflect on this, which helps me know that this isn't strictly an idea I have due to my own social choices. My friend doesn't live in that town anymore either, but she's always digging up interesting stuff related to it, and one day she showed me the website of someone there offering his services as a paranormal investigator. He was in his 20s, and the site included a lot of unconvincing photos and a long, vigorous testimonial by the guy's mom. Part of me was dying to put it on tumblr, but it would only have resulted in unnecessary cruelty. I was as much a victim of magical thinking as anybody, and I think even when I was pretty young I was aware of what motivated me to be so naive and gullible: that a world full of ghosts and vampires and UFOs and such was preferable to what I normally experienced, which was a consistent sense of boredom and meaninglessness and drudgery and embarrassment and pain and suffocation in an ugly, flavorless universe whose nicer side was not going to be available to me. I had a lot of really damaging friendships with manipulative assholes and pathological liars because I was so very willing to believe the crazy things they told me, just in case any of them were true, because such a truth could change my whole life.

Sometimes I think it's amazing that I never wound up in a cult, although I guess those relationships were sort of like little one- or two-person cults. Once in a while I read about some crime involving young people who think they're vampires or something, and I have a deep feeling of pity, because I think I know what they were going through (except for the part where they think they can do whatever they want to other people). The sad story of Shanda Sharer involves a whole group of badly abused and underprivileged teens, some of whom thought they were witches or vampires, and it just makes so much sense to me that they would be overtaken by these fantasies of secret meaning and power. Recently I watched Bad Vegan on Netflix, something that I avoided at first because I thought it was just about rich douchebags humiliating each other--which is like, what else is new--and to some degree it is, but actually it's way more disturbing than that. Ambitious young raw food entrepreneur Sarma Melngailis was manipulated, isolated, and ultimately kidnapped by this sadistic freak who preyed first on her loneliness and financial fears by pretending to be a rich suitor who could solve all of her problems; then he preyed upon her feelings of personal insignificance and failure by convincing her that he and she had been selected by a cabal of extraterrestrial illuminati who would make them immortal. Sarma seemed completely broken down to me, and I was amazed by her courage in describing the scam she fell for, that she must have known would invite derision. Part of the documentary explores her youth as a kid who always believed she could become something special, and then mundane tragedies like her parents' divorce brought her back down to earth in a painful way, and it seemed like she spent the rest of her life haunted by the idea that she might just be an ordinary failure of a person. I think that's part of what made her so vulnerable to this psychopath, that he was able to access her secret dream of having a special destiny. I got one of my friends to watch the show and she was very frustrated by it because she just couldn't figure out what Sarma's problem was that would cause her to ever believe the things she was told. I tried to reiterate what I've said here, but it didn't seem to mean anything. Ironically this friend is a practicing witch with formal beliefs in the supernatural, including that people can awaken special powers within themselves, but I guess one man's magical thinking is just um not another man's magical thinking.

I still have a lot of magical thinking going, but it doesn't have the same character it once did. I tend to think of it more as "symbolic thinking"; I have a hard time accessing senses of meaning and hope, let alone any kind of self-belief, and sometimes symbolic gestures and concepts can provide that access better than my own direct, practical attempts ever could. It helps that I have a basic agnosticism about the invisible structures of the world, like it's easy for me to believe that there is more to life than what comes in through the five senses, even if I don't pretend to know entirely what that "more" is. That may help me believe that "anything is possible" and I shouldn't give up, even if I direly want to and I know I'm being kind of irrational. Magical thinking can be a double-edged sword, but maybe it's better than nothing.

[poeticcannon]

For fun, could the A Little Vice take on the bosses and threats in Limbus Company? I'll do by canto boss, intervallo threat, and speculation on canto 9

Canto 1: Golden Apple. Yeah, simple enough. They probably avoid the sneak attack it does when playing dead, but if it gets a civilian and uses their face and voice, they most likely freeze

Canto 2: Baba Yaga. They have good mob clearing capabilities, they can escape.

Canto 3: Kromer. Ho boy. I think they can keep the acids way with their elemental powers. Kromer is a chonker, but I think they can get through her

Canto 4: Farmwatch Dongrang is powerful, he might be at the level of the Saints after their power up. Unfortunately for him, he is outnumbered and has little combat experience. They just gotta watch out for the seeds mechanic and avoid getting stuck in trees

Canto 5: The difficulty picks up. Ahab may have sacrificed her allies, but she got an ego (though it might be less developed than farmwatch) and a lot of combat experience. As gasharpoon spends her allies to grant powers, the Saints have to adapt to the changing strategies and cope with the horror

Canto 6: No way. Even the protagonists had to pull off that Clear All Cathy move to stop the Erlking and Every Catherine. Every member of the undead army keeps coming back, though the Saints can use their powers to keep them away or stuck, like under stone. Still, the Erlking and Every Catherine are potent, with the former having his command of lighting, sorrow/madness and the coffin. Every Catherine was pretty much unstoppable

Canto 7: Well, hopefully their own idealism touches Papa Quixote's heart and makes him pull his punches a bit. Still they're leading with an elder vampire controlling the constructions of an amusement park, plus throwing vampire minions, blood lances out of portals, blood shields. And ripping out their blood though wounds. Inessa gonna have to work hard to incinerate the blood to deny reosurces, and fire seems good for vampire hunting. Temperance using the vampires' fear of water would help a lot, but Dad Quixote probably overcame that fear rather well.

Canto 8: Jia Mu has not fought in a long time. The bolus gives her a lot of potent combat features, but the Saints have experience with monsters. A big enough flood of water rips out the worm and Golden Bough, and she can be sealed by water pressure. All she has going for her is sheer power, and I can't really measure how the powerscaling goes from limbus to ALV

Intervallos: Hell's Chicken: Either the Saints or Michael should be able to communicate with Papa Bongy. From then, tehy just gotta cook, Ida and Chiro probably got this in the bag. Then fight him in the fathoms of ego, and give him a pep talk

SEA: They can fight the crabs, even teh giant one. I just think the boredom of staying in that place would bother them deeply, and eating endless variations of crab would drive them mad, specially Temperance

Miracle in District 20: Simple enough to kill the Gnomes and Santata. If they'd realize he will release a burst of acid on death, or react quickly enough to protect themselves, is another story

To be continued

[xandermatthews2290]

My rankings on how likely I think all 13 remaining students killed Arei

I’m sure this will age perfectly fine, and I’m not about to be shut down when the series comes back

*Added some photos to make it more visually appealing, searched them up in my gallery and chose the first for all of them

13. Teruko, I don’t buy that the protagonist is gonna die this time and it’s fairly clear her character is gonna be here until the end

12. Rose, a lot of this murder seems to have been handled rather sloppily, the rope being under the spinny thingy, the note being in the trash and not flushed down a toilet or burned, while Rose has demonstrated a lot of awareness of minute details like how old painted walls are

11. Nico, their attempted murder of Ace was pretty poorly planned and I doubt they would have had the time to plan out Arei’s killing specifically, I also doubt their ability to beat Arei in a fight/knock her out, to snap her neck

10. David, oddly enough I don’t think breakdown boy is our killer, he seems to have no idea how the murder was committed and it doesn’t feel like he’s being setup to die until at least chapter 3, admitting to it at all is bizarre and there’s also his bonus scene of stopping MonoTV from releasing the murder motive, if he’s the killer then these are massive mistakes that he shouldn’t be making

9. Ace, him getting attacked by Nico is a pretty big reason I’m ruling him out early, I don’t believe he’d have been in the condition to kill Arei, hang her up on the swing set, all with a freshly sliced open throat wound , him withholding information is bad but it honestly feels in character for him

8. Arturo, admittedly the one I’m the least sure about, most of his scenes this chapter are him obsessing over Mariabella Rosales’ daughter, however his secret was one of the most in danger of being revealed, Eden being alive is the biggest argument against him since his secret got out regardless. Similar to Rose in the way that someone who’s smart enough to be a plastic surgeon should be better at disposing of evidence and not revealing his near murder of Eden

7. Charles, the dark horse for this case from my viewpoint, he had an incredibly negative reaction to his secret being revealed by J, and this murder involved 0 blood which only he would have a reason to insure that there wouldn’t be. Breaking her neck is an odd choice when blunt force and stabbing would be more accessible, stabbing in particular if Veronika’s priming claims from the first trial come back up. He seems to have taken over the traditional sidekick role for Teruko which is concerning considering both him and Eden seem to be struggling for that spot.

6. Eden, certainly one of the more popular culprits, but I have pretty different reasons personally, the biggest knocks against her surviving for me is that there are some things she’s been involved in that haven’t been explained, her fear that someone’s been following her when she meets up Teruko in the dressing room only for items in that room to become relevant in the form of the starchy hall of clothes. She also has the biggest spike in screentime this chapter with her getting the opening scene. However she is on the small side, and I question if she’d be able to commit a murder, much less for a secret she didn’t really care about.

5. Veronika, surprisingly both higher and lower on this list before, her secret hasn’t been revealed which is a decent knock against her, however her fear of boredom seems like it’s setup for later. Then there’s the issue of her being the main user of the theater room which lies directly adjacent to the playground with MonoTV calling out how you’d basically just need to break through the wall, Ace & Arturo avoid it since Ace gets easily scared and Arturo would be dealing with Eden and his secret so she would have the opportunity. She was also one of the most affected by Min’s execution which makes you wonder if she’d really risk her life the same way.

4. Whit, the darker horse for killer choices, his secret hasn’t been revealed and he’s taken credit for one that Rose threw away, it’s fully possible he’s telling the truth just really questionable to wait until it cycles back to you. He spends a lot of time around Charles and has an alibi which for me is a worse sign, if we’re going for a sad execution then Whit would probably be the saddest for Charles who could break away from him and become closer to Teruko for story purposes.

3. J/Julia Rosales/Moreno, I’m worried for her mainly because I feel like she hasn’t done much yet, she’s in the opening description for the chapter, has questionably similar proportions to Arei, and most notably the whole “not all that glitters is good” hasn’t come into play yet. Her only big scene is Arturo revealing her secret. She’s definitely a wild card and a lot of the crime scene involving ropes, gripping tape, flooding the room feel like they’d be easier for an effects artist. She’s also more likely than most to be near Arei prior to her storming into Arturo & Eden’s conflict.

2. Hu, I’m not super concerned for her being the one that killed Arei, however that isn’t exactly the merit for how the killer is determined, it’s whoever is the “most mastermindy”. She’s scarily close to David and her blowup about “giving her heart to him” feels like a very out of place scene unless there’s more we don’t know about. With about half the remaining secrets involving self harm/suicide, it isn’t out of the question for me to see her helping David kill someone for the greater good, admittedly it’s harsh but she’s also seen Xander, Nico, and Min all engage in their own murder attempts, wouldn’t it be better to get ahead and not risk Eden ripping Whit’s heart out of his chest in the meantime, and just help David the “inspirational speaker” back into the world to help more people. I do doubt her for a few logistic reasons like the fish and potentially flooded room, but if she just came up with the plan she would be the blackened according to MonoTV

1.Levi, and my official killer pick, it’s obviously not my favorite choice but he’s had a large presence in this chapter, and has been involved in several scenes with Arei. Him having her secret is suspicious to me, Levi has shown an ability to mask his frustrations before suddenly snapping, as seen during the first trial against Ace. He’s definitely strong enough to have killed Arei with the method Arturo claims to have been used, the setup could be entirely designed to make it look like it doesn’t need to be someone physically strong. I also question if he’d be the kind of person that would believe Arei’s suddenly face turn into being a nice person. His increased presence in chapter 2, connection with Eden and Arei, unrevealed secret, and overall limited room for growth makes him the most likely killer candidate.

[aziraphales-library]

Hello, hello, First of all, thank you so much for your work! Your library has helped to find so many awesome fics! :D There is just one question/fic idea I haven't found yet, even though I am sure something similar has been done before: Do you know any fics where Aziraphale and Crowley have sex, not (only) because of desire, but simply because humans make it look like fun and they're curious, want to try it out and they do it with each other because it seems like, idk, the most logical thing to do, or because they're already in love or something? Again, thank you for your service and have a nice day! :)

Hi and you're welcome! You may be interested in our #inexperienced aziraphale and #inexperienced crowley tags for similar fics to this. Here are some when one or both are curious about the human experience of sex...

A Little While Longer by IneffableToreshi (E)

In the Garden of Eden, a demon fell hard for an angel. Later, the angel is upset, and the demon thinks he knows a way to cheer him up...

When a Demon and an Angel Make Love, They Forget They Aren't Human by boredom (E)

Aziraphale has realized that with Heaven no longer controlling his every move, he's now free to do what he wants. And he wants to do Crowley.

Crowley, of course, is ecstatic and more than willing to fuck Aziraphale into the bed. Perhaps they shouldn't have forgotten they're not human, which means human structures may not be strong enough to support them.

Earthly Pleasures by AstroGirl (E)

Aziraphale has always thought that human sex looks like a great deal of fun. Perhaps now it's something he and Crowley can enjoy together.

Five Times They Weren't Very Sexy and One Time They Aced It by ZehWulf (E)

“Have you ever wondered what it feels like?” Crowley asks while contemplating the dregs at the bottom of his wine glass. He’s aiming for philosophical but fears the faint wheeze at the end of the question might have given him away.

“Have I ever wondered what ‘what’ feels like,” Aziraphale asks finally.

“Sex,” he says, much louder than intended or reasonable. They both wince. 

“Oh, have you never…?” Aziraphale asks with polite disbelief.

“You have?” Crowley demands.

Look, when you're largely inexperienced sex-favorable asexual ineffables, it takes a bit of practice, a lot of communication, and some bull-headed persistence to get your sex life in commendable working order. Or, five times things got (hilariously) awkward during sex, and one time after they've got it mostly figured out. A companion fic to "Scratching That Itch." (Sex acts, such as they are, tagged per chapter in chapter notes!)

The ducks and the bees by Yoite (E)

"Um", the angel cleared his throat. "Well, as we know, when humans like each other, sometimes, they, er, give each other a.. special hug."

"Are you asking me to sleep with you?"

Aziraphale wants to investigate what this whole sex malarkey is all about, but nothing goes according to plan.

Chemistry by Twilightcitysky (E) (WIP)

Aziraphale and Crowley have been living among humans for 6000 years, but there have always been parts of the human experience they've chosen to avoid (like allergies, head colds, and having to use the loo).

They've also never let hormones get in the way of making rational decisions, because they didn't have any hormones to speak of.

That's all about to change.

- Mod D

[kyokutsu-sama]

IM IN LOVE with your volg and the way you write the characters ♥️💖💗

I have two requests but you can do only one of you want too, it's up to you: The captains reaction to a reader who is always sleeping being a monster on the battle field and/or a reader who is half hollow that has a personality like Nezuko from demon slayer

A/n: I hope you're well and I also wanted to say that I am very happy that you are enjoying my writing. This inspires me a lot, thank you❤️🥰

Of the two requests you suggested, I decided to write about the first one. I hope you like it.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Shunsui :

He knew you were ruthless and that the battlefield was something you loved. Both personalities contrasted with each other: Him for being calm and avoiding fights and you for being serious, always looking for a good fight and making the most of every minute. He couldn't help but smile every time he saw you sleeping so peacefully that sometimes he had to wonder if it was really you there. Your change in personality sometimes left him speechless. He trusted you enough to know that you wouldn't drag a finger on him to hurt him, but as a precaution, he avoided being close to you when you arrived from a mission with your blood still hot. He preferred to let you calm down over time and only then come to you. He feared you a little. "Y/n is a menace, I'll wait until everything is calm" He said seeing you enter the room

Kenpachi :

So, I think we know that this wouldn't be a problem for him since he's just like you on the battlefield. He would really be happy to know that you have the same bloodlust as him when you fight someone. That makes you two a wonderful duo. However, he himself is surprised to see that you always sleep most of the time like a little angel. Until you wake up… He smiled whenever he saw you all curled up on the mattress, waiting for someone strong to come and call you to fight and guess what? He'll be the one doing it just to get out of boredom. "I really didn't want to have to wake you up like this, but you really look good enough to start a good fight"He said, giving his typical sadistic smile He wouldn't miss an opportunity to do so.

Gin :

This man, in addition to appearing to have a cute and adorable air, won't miss the moment to make jokes about the subject. That's why I love him. He knows that you are tough to fall and that you are always on the front line when there is a fight in which everyone is present to fight an enemy. He doesn't stop admiring you for that. But when he sees you always taking the afternoon off to spend it in your room sleeping, he can't help but chuckle, seeing your personality completely change into something so fragile. He thinks about approaching you so he can caress your cheeks, but he refrains. "It's better to let her sleep, she might wake up and cut my hand" He says leaving your room and closing the door

Jushiro :

He's a cinnamon roll and even though he knows you're like that, he's always friendly with you. He admires your strength but at the same time fears it, especially if you lose control during a fight, something he can't help but shudder at. Because he's a peaceful person, he loves seeing you have a little of that side too, especially when he sees you sleeping like a log when you're not fighting. "So calm that it doesn't even look like the same person"He giggle Because he fears you, like Shunsui, he tries to keep his distance from you when you come back covered in blood and sweat. He likes to leave you alone for a while until you cools down and then he will come to you to offer you tea.

Shinji :

This man plays with fire much more than he should. Just like Gin, he will also make a little joke here and there just to see you look at him sideways, which he responds with a mocking smile. The knowledge that you were a beast didn't stop him from approaching you, unless you were fighting completely out of your mind or when you were sleeping so well that he was afraid to make a sound. He smiled and took a moment to see you lying down and looking so innocent that it didn't even seem like you would kill the first person who appeared in front of you just because you felt like it. "Wow, look! Looks so cute now that doesn't even look like it's a danger in person" He laughed If you woke up at that moment he would certainly run away so quickly that his shadow would be left behind.