#I haven’t listened to anything but this album for four days

[call-me-maggie13]

When Reneé Rapp said “cause I’d kill myself trying, I’m not scared of dying” and “I’m too scared to delete all our videos cause it’s real once everyone knows” and “falling in love, no, it ain’t for the weak so don’t try this at home” and “cause maybe there I’d like myself work on my mental health” and “who am I kidding I’m addicted to the chip on my shoulder” and “I’d choose the devil I know over the heaven I don’t” and “when I was young, my problems were her problems were her problems now I don’t wanna cause trouble at all” and “don’t tell my mom I’m falling apart, she hurts when I hurt, my scars are her scars” and “at least in her mind, her daughter is fine” and “she’s dealt with this for years, I got it this time” and “I just want to say it, but I’m scared if I do, you weren’t looking at me the way I look at you” and “I’d rather keep on lying than to tell you the truth” and “I’d rather be angry than crushed” and “I get so sick of myself, can’t stop overthinking” and “I don’t forget too well” and “this shit’s persistent” and “‘cause you split my world in two, now I’m half the one you knew” and “but we’re looking at the same moon” and “how can I be dead to you when we’re looking at the same moon?” and “I’m just talking with your ghosts and dancing with your demons” and “all the stars make me feel alive” and

[justmeinadaze]

Ghost In The Machine (Eddie X You)

A/N: I wrote this a few days ago because I need it more than anything rn.

Title is based off of SZA's song "Ghost In The Machine".

"I give a fuck, I just wanna fuck, eat, sleep, love, happy Can you make me happy? Can you keep me happy?

Can you distract me from all the disaster? Can you touch on me and not call me after? Can you hate on me and mask it with laughter? Can you lead me to the ark? What's the password?

I need humanity You're like humanity"

They do text near the end. Eddie's texts will be in red.

Warnings: Daddy Dom Eddie X Stripper Sub (slight bratty) Fem Reader, SMUT, dirty talk, dry humping, phone smut, slight degrading if you squint, choking), Eddie is kinda mean at first, traumas are alluded to but not expanded on (Child abuse; bad past relationships), light FLUFF with my usual dash of the ANGST.

Word Count: 4060

Being asked to perform at parties like this wasn’t new for you and the other girls. Having the manager of a famous band reach out to your company for some “entertainment” wasn’t odd either. What was odd was that you were told Corroded Coffin had four band members and right now you were looking at three. They seemed content with the girls they had grinding and kissing on their lap so you decided to take a look around the mansion style home you guys had been called to. 

It was extremely beautiful with a bunch of rooms displaying different things. Your fingers grazed the wall at the bottom of the bands framed platinum and gold albums. Turning into what you assumed was a game room, you found a billiards table and a PlayStation with a mini bar in the corner. Around the area, shelfs prominently showed off the band’s awards and accolades with MANY pictures of them in different places. 

As you walked further down the hall, you passed an open-door smelling smoke and hearing light strumming of a guitar. Pausing, you took a couple of steps back to peer into the room, finding that missing fourth member.

He had headphones on over his long, wavy hair as a half-finished cigarette dangled from his lips. His eyes were closed as his fingers ran across the instruments strings as it leaned against his bare chest. His jeaned leg and barefoot tapped to a beat as he listened to his music. 

“Jesus Christ!”, he exclaimed as his eyes shot open feeling a change in the atmosphere. “What the fuck are you doing over here?! You girls are supposed to stay in the goddamn living room.”

“Hey there’s no reason to be rude! Your friends were preoccupied with the other ladies so I thought I’d look around.”

“Uh huh. To steal shit?”

“No! To look. I got bored, ok?!”

“Hm. A hooker who’s bored. That’s something I haven’t heard before.” His tone is dripping with mocking as he rises to his feet. 

“That’s no reason for you to be a fucking asshole!”

“You watch your mouth when you talk to me, little girl. I can make sure you and your ‘company’ never get another job again.”

“Oh, Mr. Tough Rockstar is oh no scary. Fuck you. I’ve handled way worse clients than the number 5 band on the billboard charts.”

The man’s held tilted to the side as he finally drank you in. You were visually different than what he expected when his friends had suggested reaching out to an agency to have some women come over to celebrate with since they were nominated for another Grammy. Eddie didn’t care about that kind of thing; he just wanted to play music. When he heard the car pull up, he immediately disappeared to his room to practice and write some new songs. Not that he wasn’t interested in “entertaining a woman”. This metalhead liked a challenge and he enjoyed even more a strong woman that wouldn’t just cater to his every whim. He didn’t want a woman who would get down on her knees no questions asked. Eddie wanted one who would tell him to fuck off but then after a few consensual activities would be dripping and begging for his cock.

Women were offered to him and his friends constantly. He wanted something he had to earn so that way when she finally submitted, it was all the more sweet.

“What’s your name?”, he asked in a much softer tone.

“Y/N. You?”

“Are you asking to be polite or do you genuinely not know who the guitarist of the band who is number five on the billboard charts?”

“Do you always make things this complicated?”

“Yes.” When he grins at you, you can’t help but smile back.

“Some of the other ladies find catering to a man’s ego really gets them going. I find it’s better to ask them questions, Mr. Munson, especially since most of our clients think we don’t care about them.”

“Do you? Care I mean.”

“Sometimes.”, you shrug. 

“You’re honest. I like that.”

“I don’t really see the point in lying if I’m probably never going to see you again.”

“Do you WANT to see me again?”

This time it was your turn to tilt your head. He said that with a lot of the sass he had been giving you since he saw you but something else was behind his eyes when he spoke, something lonely. Your palm reached out confidently, landing on the bulge in his jeans. You’d be lying if you said you didn’t notice his size. The part of him that was against your hand wasn’t even all of him and you gulped as you tried to regain your confident composure. 

“Do you want me to help you feel better now, Mr. Munson?”

“You didn’t answer my question.”, the guitarist mused as he stepped forward, placing his own palm against the wall behind you and trapping you against it. “I hate when my questions go unanswered.”

“You-you must be used to disappointment then.”

His nose grazed yours, grinning a big tooth filled smile before his eyes flicked down to your hand on his cock.

“You must be to, Y/N.” Slowly, his fingers trace down your arm and take hold of your wrist as he holds it still. “Be honest. Have you ever felt a dick as big as mine?” 

You licked your lips as his hips began grinding against your palm, trying to push down the moan that wanted to escape. 

 “Ooo someone’s confident.”, you jest. Something in his look changes as the hand on the wall behind you slides down to your throat. In most situations with your other clients this would be a time to panic but he wasn’t gripping you violently. When his fingers firmly pressed into your skin, your brain felt fuzzy as your pussy clenched around nothing. 

“I’d say I’ve earned the right to be confident. Now, Y/N, this your one warning. Answer the questions I ask you. Do I make myself clear?”

“Y-yes Mr. Munson. I understand. N-no. I’ve never felt a dick like yours.”

He smirked as he pressed your palm harder against him. “Good girl.” Your let out a sigh when he released his hold on your neck to push some of your hair behind your ear. “You really are beautiful, Y/N. Fuck and your hand feels so good. I can only imagine how the rest of you feels.”

“You don’t have to imagine. You can have me if you want me.”

Eddie’s smirk grows as he bites his bottom lip. “Honestly, sweetheart, I’ve never wanted anything more but…that’s not how I play. I don’t want you to fuck me because you’re paid to.” He leans in till his lips are right by your ear. “I want you to fuck me because you want to…need me to.” You hear his breathing stutter as he moves his hips faster, his grip on your wrist tightening. “Beg me to.”

“Oh fuck…”, you whimpered at his words. His movements become choppy and grunts before you feel dampness on his jeans. 

He leans back placing his forehead on yours as he licks his lips and softly smiles. “See, what would usually happen now is I’d make you cum to. I bet that pussy is just aching to be touched but see…you’re getting to paid to make us feel good…not the other way around.”

You’re honestly too stunned to say anything or fight back with your typical brand of sass. Right now, all you can think of his him and how bad you need something from him; anything. 

“Can…can I kiss you?”

When he nods, you waste no time connecting your lips to his. You immediately taste the nicotine but that undertone of him has you dizzy. All too quickly, it’s over as he pulls away. He doesn’t just move his head but his whole body as he backs towards his bed, yanking off his now stained jeans and boxers.

“How long are you ladies here for?”, he asks nonchalantly as he sits on the bed and picks up his guitar again. 

“Huh? Oh, um, 2 AM I think.”

He glances at his phone before handing it to you. “Time’s almost up. Put your number in there for me.”

Eddie said it like a command and your instinct was to say something snarky but as you looked down at him strumming his instrument without looking at you, you realized there was more to this man than meets the eye. Most men who begged for your number always watched you intently to make sure you actually did it, you assumed. Of course, you gave them a fake number or the number to the agency you worked for but with this man here his head remained lowered. It was almost like he was afraid you wouldn’t…like he really hoped you would and would be hurt if he watched you decline, giving the phone back. 

There was something about Eddie that you wanted to know more about. He wasn’t like everyone else you had been around. For some reason, you felt like you could trust him. 

After inputting your real number, you placed his device back on his nightstand and sat beside him. “We still have 45 minutes. Can I ask what you’re working on?”

His eyes shoot over to you as he cautiously scans your soft smiling face. “We’re working on this new album and Jeff has this song he wrote but I can’t find the right sound. I was just messing around and recording them to see if it sparked something.”

“May I hear what you have so far?”

“Um, yeah, sure.”

He reached over, grabbing an extra set of headphones and placed them over you head. You grinned as different guitar riffs and melodies began to play. 

“This is all you?” Eddie nods. “Wow. Mr. Munson, you are definitely talented.”

When he pauses the recording and you slide the headphones around your neck. “You can call me Eddie if you’d like.”

“Okay, Eddie.” After putting the headphones over your ears again, he pressed play and you both leaned back in his bed. 

He couldn’t help but be a little shocked that you didn’t try to touch him again. Anywhere he or his band went, people tried to touch his body whether it was meet and greets, walking through the street, or even on stage when overzealous fans would jump on and run at them. Any girl that was lucky enough to be in his bed would insist on touching him until she left as if she knew this would be the last time she saw him. That’s another reason he struggled to maintain any kind of relationship. Besides the crazy rockstar life, he never was keen on being constantly touched. 

He got enough of that with his career and when he was growing up when his dad would knock him around. With his last relationship, they fought constantly because there were times he would come home from a long day and just wanted a moment to decompress alone. He knew she meant well but even after nicely asking her to give him a moment she would still try and wrap her arms around him or try and kiss parts of his body.

What he didn’t know yet was that you understood that feeling all too well. Being in your line of work, men seemed to believe you didn’t even have a line they shouldn’t cross, always touching some part of your body until their time was up. When you were just a stripper at the company you worked for, men were the same but at least you had a bouncer to quickly pulled them back. When times got hard and you told your boss you were willing to sign up for the “side hustle”, it was just you and the girls. 

No one had ever gotten too physical like that but after your client came you just wanted them to roll over and crash or just leave you there till the timer was up. Personally, you chose to stay away from relationships knowing most men wouldn’t like your line of business. Men constantly offered to “save you” but you knew it was all talk. They didn’t really care about you. 

When you moved to the city, you promised you were only going to look out for yourself. You took care of you and had for a long time. The last time you relinquished control like that, you got burned and ran all the way to a new state. 

A small hand tapped your knee and you jumped before realizing it was one of the other girls letting you know time was up. 

“Ok, I’ll be right there.” You turn to Eddie and hand him his headphones. “I really like what you have so far. That last one was beautiful.”

“Thank you. Here, um, let me grab my sweatpants and I can walk you out.”

“Oh, Eddie, no. You don’t have to do that. It’s super late and in your gated front yard I don’t think anyone is going to jump us.”, you giggle. 

“Ok…I’m going to put on pants anyway though because I want to hug you if that’s alright.” Without waiting for an answer, he finds a pair on the floor and pulls them up just below his hips. 

“Do arms not work without sweats?”

“They do but I don’t want to be disrespectful by rubbing my dick on you and making you uncomfortable.”

“Didn’t I just…”

“You made that move, sweetheart. You put your hand on me.”, he grins as he places his body in front of yours. “May I hug you?”

When you nod, he wraps his arms around you and pulls you to his chest as your own limbs cling to his upper torso. This was a new feeling for you. It had been so long since you felt safe in someone’s arms. His hand petted your hair as he kissed the top of your head. 

“I’ll talk to you later to make sure you’re alright.”

***

You sighed as you entered your front door, putting away your things, and throwing yourself on your bed as you closed your eyes. A sudden ding on your phone made your eyebrows scrunch as you blindly searched for it on your bed. Swiping it open, you noticed it was from an unknown number but as you read the message, a smile slowly formed on your face. 

“Hey, sweetheart. Just checking in to make sure you got home alright.”

“Are you stalking me, Mr. Munson? Lol. I literally just walked in the door.”

Tossing your phone back on the bed, you figure it will most likely take him awhile to respond but as you go to your closet to change you hear that familiar ding.

“Yup. You caught me. I followed you home.”

“Shit. I just realized that’s probably not a joke I should be making in your line of work.”

“I was just thinking about you and wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“Lol Eddie! If I thought you were like that I wouldn’t have given you my number : ) “

“I’m alright though. Thank you for checking up on me.”

“Of course. I’ll leave you alone now so you can sleep.”

“I actually wasn’t going to go to sleep just yet.” 

You paused for a moment debating on if you should tell him what you were going to do before bed. You were hoping if you did maybe he would talk to you like he did in his bedroom. Hearing him murmur his words and what he said got you wetter than anything else. You could still feel your slick sticking to your legs after you changed your clothes. Hell, it couldn’t hurt, right?

“I just got back from spending some time with this long haired rockstar with a huge cock who got me all hot and bothered so I was going to relieve some of this pressure here.”

You watched the dots on his end appear and disappear. The longer it took him the more nervous you got. Had you crossed a line?

“Don’t talk like that. Be upfront and honest. Talk to me like a big girl. What were you going to do before bed, Y/N?”

You could almost feel his stern eyes through the screen as you rubbed your thighs together. 

“I was going to touch myself and think of you.”

His name suddenly popped up on your phone and you didn’t hesitate to answer the call. 

“Hey Eddie.”

“Are you still wearing what you had on here?”

“No. I’m naked now.”

“Liar.”

“Eddie, I’m not—”

“Call me back when you’re ready to be a good girl.”

Your jaw dropped as he hung up and you huffed as you called him backed. “How dare you—”

“I don’t play games like that, little girl, and I hate liars. I figured since I got you all riled up and you are no longer on the clock maybe I could help you out. I also thought it would be fucking sexy to hear what you sound like when you cum. But if you want to cop an attitude with me, I can treat you how bratty little girls deserve to be treated. Now…what are you wearing?”

“I’m wearing an oversized t-shirt with my panties from earlier.”

He could hear your pout through the phone and it was making him hard all over again. 

“Good. Good girl. Why didn’t you just tell me that in the first place?”

“I don’t know. I just… I always have to be SEXY; you know? God forbid I show any humanity.”

“Not with me, princess. I imagine you look just as sexy now as you did looking up at me with those big, beautiful eyes against my bedroom wall."

“Thank you, Mr. Munson.”

“Of course. Now tell me, baby. You said you were going to touch yourself and think of me. What about me?”

“I was thinking about the way your lips tasted when you kissed me…so good.”

“The cigarette taste didn’t bother you?”, he chuckled making you smile as one of your hands roamed up your shirt to touch your breast. 

“No. Not at all.”, you giggle back, biting your bottom lip. 

“That’s good. I’ve had some complaints.” You can hear him smile and your fingers run along your nipple as your exhale heavily. “What are you doing over there, honey?”

“I’m playing with my tits.”

“Mmm. You did have some perfect tits. Well, from what I saw under that tight ass tank top.”

That makes you genuinely laugh and his smile grows at the sound. “What else were you going to think about?”

Your hand slides under the waistband of your panties as your finger slides through your dripping folds. 

“I was going to think about your thick cock against my palm and the way you rubbed against it.”

“Yeah? You’re going to imagine me doing that right now between those gorgeous legs? Grinding my dick against your pretty little pussy.”

“F-fuck, Eddie.” Your eyes rolled back as two of your fingers breached your entrance. “Please…keep talking to me…like that.”

“You like the way I talk to you? Was that something else you were going to think about? Picturing me whispering in your ear like I did when you were here?”

You didn’t know but he was leading you somewhere. There was one thing he wanted, needed to hear you say on your own. As soon as he heard it, he was yours and he would do anything to make you his. 

“Yes, I liked hearing you say the things you said.”

Eddie could hear you touching yourself and your little moans were driving him crazy as he quickly pulled down his pants. 

“Princess, is it ok if I touch myself to?”

“Yeah, baby. Of course. A-are you—mmm—still a bit sensitive?” The sound of him spitting in his hand had you clench tightly as you whimpered. 

“Ah, no, baby girl. But with those sexy fucking whimpers and groans I’m not going to last long.”, he chuckled. “How many fingers are you using?” You barely heard him as you thumb began messaging your clit. “I asked you something, sweetheart. What did I say when you were here?”

“If-if—mmm—you ask…me…something I-I answer.”

“Good girl. Tell me how many fingers you’re using.”

“Fuck…two. Two, Daddy.”

Eddie practically growled with pleasure at the word that he had been praying would fall from your lips. 

“Jesus, yes. Good fucking girl. I want you to use three. You…you have to prepare that pretty pussy for… Daddy’s big cock.”

As soon as you did as he asked, the English language completely escaped your mind. 

“I…your…oh my…” He grunted in your ear reminding you of when he was pressed against you sending you toppling over the edge as you came hard. The sound was almost too much for him as he pictured your cunt spasming around him as you moaned his name just as you had. For the second time that night you made him cum as his spend shot out and hit his stomach. 

“Are you ok?”, you mumbled, drunk off your orgasm.

“Yeah, sweetheart. I’m alright. Are you?”

“I’ve never called anyone Daddy before.” You had no idea why you were being so honest with him. That wasn’t necessarily something he needed to know but for some reason you thought maybe the knowledge of that would make him feel special. You wanted him to feel good. 

“What made you say it now?”

You scoot your body further into your bed as you curl up into your sheets.

“I feel safe with you. I know that sounds so weird. We barely even know each other but I do…”

You listened to the soothing sound of his breath into the phone as he absorbed what you were saying. 

“I’m sorry I snapped at you earlier. I can be a bit of an asshole sometimes.”

“I can handle the asshole.” You smile when you hear him softly laugh. 

“On Friday, we’re going to be spending some time at the recording studio. Do you want come by and listen to us play?”

“I would love to but I have to work Friday night.”

“How about you come by in the afternoon and then go to work? Are you…um…”

“No, side business Friday. I’ll just be dancing.”

“Ok, cool. Maybe when we’re done, I can meet up with you after.”

“Eddie…I like you a lot but are you sure you want to do this? I strip and I have sex for money. I’m not proud of it but I’m not ashamed of it either. I’m doing what I have to do right now.”

He was silent for a moment as he thought about what you were saying. 

“Y/N, I’m not perfect. I’ve been arrested, gotten into fights with paparazzi, and like I said I can be a bit of an asshole. I like you a lot to but I understand that this is all new. You and I lead interesting lives. I’m not…going to harp on you and I’m not going to, I don’t know, offer to fucking save you or whatever other douchebags say.” You laugh making him smile. “But I would like to take care of you…physically, mentally, emotionally…financially.”

“I don’t know how to give up control like that.”

The way you say that makes him want to scoop you up in his arms and cradle you into his chest. 

“Do you work tomorrow?”

“No, not tomorrow.”

“Can I come over so we can talk? We’re doing this stupid photoshoot thing but I can come over after and bring some food. Of course, only if you’re comfortable. That’s all that really matters to me, baby girl. I want you to be comfortable.”

You don’t know why but you believed him when he said it. What was it about this man that had you breaking all your normal rules?  Not just rules with the business but in your life. You had been on your own for so long that you didn’t need nor want to become involved with someone. However, it would be nice to have someone take care of you for once…

“Okay, Daddy”

[inawickedlittletown]

Don't Make A Shadow Of Yourself (BuckTommy fic) - 5/8

Summary: "A man who's pure of heart...may still become a wolf when the autumn moon is bright" - Howl (F+TM)

Throughout most of his adult life, Tommy had dealt with what he was. The duality of being a man and also an animal…a beast. Werewolves weren’t born, they were made. 

Words: 3,136

Read on Ao3

Chapter One - Chapter Two - Chapter Three

Chapter Four

-

Chapter Five

Tuesday, Tommy drove to Evan’s apartment. He felt nervous and excited all at once. It’d been a while since he transformed anywhere other than at his house. Back when he was still with the 118, Tommy had been a little more adventurous. He’d drive out somewhere and transform and then run into a forested area, Even on his own, he’d gone on camping trips that left him somewhere in the woods where no one could bother him and he could transform and run around and then sleep under the stars and take another run in the morning before he made his way back to civilization. It had never seemed worth it when he wound up making the trek and then really only enjoying the woods as a wolf for a few hours. He didn’t like to think about how lonely it had made him feel to be out there all on his own. 

He sent a text after parking and feeling a little antsy, got out of the car to stretch his legs. He kinda wanted to shift right there and then to shake the feeling off. It didn’t take long for Evan to appear. He carried a gym bag with him and a small tupperware container. 

“Hey,” Evan said with a grin. “Ready?” 

“Here, let me get that,” Tommy said, reaching for Evan’s bag. 

They were on the road a few minutes later. Evan immediately connected his own phone to the radio rather than let the station Tommy wasn’t listening to play whatever was considered popular at the moment. It was only after he’d pressed play that he bothered to ask if it was okay. 

“Doesn’t bother me,” Tommy said. 

“Good. I should have made us a playlist.” 

“Are you a big music guy?” 

Evan shrugged. “I guess a little. I do own a record player so if I really like an album I’ll try to get the vinyl. Haven’t really liked anything new lately.”

They talked music for a while. It seemed like Evan had a taste that ranged through genres in a way that Tommy had somehow not expected. It was cute though, especially when Evan brought up going to a concert with Bobby a couple of months after meeting him. 

“I won these tickets from a radio station,” Evan said. “I think Bobby actually went with me out of pity. But we had a good time. So maybe not.” 

Tommy told him about Bobby’s first day as Captain. About how out of place he’d seemed and yet how he’d brought a different energy to the firehouse.

“Before Bobby we were the house that Captains went to retire,” Tommy said. “Well, before that we had Captain Gerrard. He made the 118 repressive and every bit of horrible that it could be for everyone that wasn’t a white guy that agreed with him.” 

“Hen and Chim mentioned him once,” Evan said. “Didn’t sound great.” 

“He really wasn’t. I, uh, I wasn’t all that great back then either. Just kinda went along with the crowd because the last thing I wanted was anyone looking too closely at me.”

He didn’t tell Evan that it was because he was gay and a Werewolf and that it was the being gay part that he was hiding more.

“You didn’t want anyone to find out,” Evan said. 

“I really didn’t,” Tommy confirmed. 

Halfway there, Evan popped his container open and handed Tommy a cookie. “I made them with Chris and Jee yesterday.” 

“You bake?” 

Evan’s cheeks flushed pink. “Yeah…sometimes.” 

The cookie was delicious. Tommy ate another. 

When they arrived, Tommy felt his nerves return. 

“Alright?” Evan asked. 

“I, uh, haven’t done this in a while,” Tommy said. 

He turned to look at Evan. “What?” 

“Haven’t come out to run in the woods,” Tommy said. “I have a big backyard.” 

Evan smiled at him. “That couldn’t possibly be the same as this.”

“It’s not,” Tommy admitted. 

“You’re not alone. It’ll be fun,” Evan said. 

Tommy hated it a little, how reassuring that was. He could tell that Evan was excited and that there was an ease about him. He was confident about this and Tommy could be as well. When they got to a good spot where they could stash their stuff, Tommy was already feeling better about it. They hadn’t seen many people around, and it didn’t take long for Evan to drop his bag and turn to Tommy. 

“Ready?” 

Then, Evan lifted his shirt up like it was nothing, his pale skin becoming unveiled. He was lean and muscular and Tommy had seen his shirtless pictures on Instagram, but there was nothing to seeing Evan with his own eyes. To see how his movement stretched and flexed his muscle, or how smooth his skin was. 

When Evan dropped his shirt atop his bag, Tommy had to make himself look away. He busied himself with getting his own shirt off and then his shoes and socks. He tucked those away and saw that Evan was already stashing his bag, camouflaging it among the leaves at the base of a tree. Evan was down to boxer briefs that hugged his thighs and his pert ass. Tommy turned away, taking his own pants off and stuffing them in his bag. His face felt too hot and he wanted to shift quickly. 

He put his bag near Evan’s and when he turned to look for Evan again, he found the wolf staring right at Tommy, ears perked up and his tail swishing behind him. 

“Turn around, Evan,” Tommy said. 

Even as a wolf, Evan could give a reproachful look. He made a yipping noise and he turned and walked towards the nearest trees. Tommy tucked his own underwear in his bag and then he transformed on the spot. 

—

It wasn’t fair how big Tommy was. Not Tommy as a wolf — though he was a big wolf too. Tommy in general was just big. Buck hadn’t meant to get stuck watching him after his shirt came off, but he just couldn’t help it. He was just so solid, built in a way that was almost intimidating and Buck…well, he’d always admired hot people and Tommy was hot. He looked literally like one of those marble statues and Buck had always liked museums. 

His first sight of him as a Werewolf left him breathless too. For one thing, he was definitely bigger than Buck. Thicker and taller with brown fur and as expected, gorgeous blue eyes that stood out even more on the wolf than on the human. His paws were somehow white and when the wind shifted Buck was hit by his scent. It was stronger as a wolf and Buck recognized it because it was Tommy, but also because he just smelled good and Buck wanted to bury himself in it. He’d thought that it had been a cologne the day of the barbeque, but it was just Tommy. Musky and woody but minty with something that could have been some kind of citrus. 

The closer Tommy got to him, the stronger the smell was and the more that Buck just wanted to nuzzle his snout into his neck so he could get a better whiff. Restraint was hard for Buck, but he turned and walked and tried to focus on the smells of the forest. Tommy followed and there was no denying that he was a bit more cautious as he walked. 

When Buck started to walk a little faster, Tommy matched his stride and then Buck started to run. He loved to run as a wolf. There was power in his legs, and he loved the way his paws dug into the soft ground. He couldn’t imagine not existing among nature as a wolf. 

Tommy chased him and they ran for a while, Buck always a little bit ahead which he was sure was only because Tommy allowed it. He only slowed when they got to a stream, the water gurgling over rocks and branches. Buck went right in for a drink. The water was cool and refreshing. 

It was weird to drink as a wolf. It had taken Buck some time to figure out properly how he was supposed to use his tongue to catch the water. He still nearly always managed to get his whole snout wet. Tommy looked messy too, dripping water off his fur. He shook his head, throwing off water in Buck’s direction and then he ran and Buck gave chase. 

Buck followed Tommy’s scent, captivated by the way that it mingled with the trees and the leaves and the earthy wet smell of the forest. He had never smelled something so good, something that he wanted to entrench himself in. 

When Tommy finally slowed down, Buck slowed with him, brushing his side against Tommy’s. Tommy turned to him, nosing at his neck and ears. Buck sat back and Tommy sat next to him. Wind rustled the trees above them, dropping a few leaves, but nothing could tear them apart.

Eventually, they looped back the way they came. Buck tried not to scare a small red fox, but then got to watch as the fox ran as fast as it could from them when Tommy snapped a twig. 

Only once did they have to hide amongst the trees when people appeared, walking the trail. They made it back to their bags a little while later and they both turned away as they shifted back. Nudity was a part of being a Werewolf and Buck was used to it. He and Eddie didn’t even care enough with how often they shifted around each other. 

Somehow it felt different with Tommy. Tommy made him nervous for some reason that Buck couldn’t pinpoint. It made him dress just a little bit faster and once they were both fully dressed, he felt like he wanted to jump back into his wolf and run out again just so that he could keep Tommy longer. 

“That was fun,” Tommy said, breaking the silence. “I didn’t realize how much I missed it.”

Buck tugged at his shirt, fixing it. “We’ll have to do it again,” Buck said. “Hey, uh, what are you doing at the next full moon?” 

“I usually just stay home,” Tommy admitted and he looked away. “Used to go to the Division sometimes years ago but it wasn’t really my thing. So, I…I made sure I had a big backyard.” 

To Buck that sounded more than a little sad. “Eddie and I come out here sometimes. Or a different spot. One time we spent it at the beach which was…well, not the best idea. You can join us. If you, uh, if you want.” 

He tried his hardest not to show how much he wanted Tommy to say yes. He felt it desperately, like he didn’t know if the full moon would go alright if Tommy wasn’t at his side and that…that was new. 

“Oh,” Tommy said and he couldn’t hide his surprise. “I wouldn’t want to intrude.” 

“You won’t be,” Buck assured. “Eddie will be excited to have another wolf and I really…I want to spend it with you.” 

He could feel the warmth on his face, but Tommy just smiled at him and it was a different smile than Buck had gotten before. It was pleased and just a tad unsure. Buck found it endearing. 

“Can I think about it?”

“Uh…yeah, sure. Sure. Of course.” Buck tried to not be too disappointed at not getting a concrete yes. 

On the drive back, they ate the remaining cookies. They’d been out there so long that they had skipped right over lunch and Buck was starving. His eyes couldn’t help but track Tommy’s mouth as he chewed, or how he licked up crumbs and chocolate from his lips. 

“How does Bobby deal with two of you being Werewolves?” Tommy asked. 

Buck looked away and gulped. 

“Oh. He, uh, tries to schedule us both off,” Buck said. “If he can’t, then we’re usually scheduled until a few hours before sundown. It’s not easy sometimes, but we’ve managed it. I only had to transform at the station once.” 

He saw Tommy’s eyebrow shoot up. “How was that?” 

“Well, not everyone knows. So Hen let me out and then I just left. She left me clothes out in the back for when I got back in the morning.” 

“Wow,” Tommy said. 

Buck chuckled. “I know, it’s a bit crazy. I was always waiting for the day when I lost track of time on a call and I had to just transform there and then. How, uh, how is it for you?” 

“They all think I’m superstitious about full moons,” Tommy said. 

“Really?” Buck said through a grin. “No one suspects a thing?” 

“Why would they? To the normal person, we don’t exist, Evan.”

He loved the way his name sounded coming from Tommy. It was why he didn’t think he would ever correct him on how most people called him Buck. Usually, he hated it whenever anyone used his first name — had hated it ever since he became Buck when there were three Evans in his class at the fire academy. He hadn’t known how much was attached to his name until he had a new name. Tommy just…he said it with care, like his name was important. 

“I know. Uh, you ever wonder about what else is out there?” Buck asked. 

“Like what, Vampires?” Tommy asked and since they were at a light, he turned to look at Buck with a perplexed expression. 

“Yeah. I guess. I mean, it’s not implausible is it?” 

Tommy sighed. “I guess not. Next thing you’ll tell me is you think unicorns are real.” 

“Hey,” Buck said, “you don’t know they aren’t. What if they went extinct.” 

He loved the way that Tommy laughed, how it crinkled the corners of his eyes. 

“Never change, Evan.” 

—

Tommy didn’t really go around smelling people. At least, not when he could help it. Sometimes colognes or perfumes were just that strong or worse it was bad hygiene and bad BO that could hit a Werewolf nose — even in human form — like a punch. He hadn’t known that Evan would smell so good. At first, he thought it was something else, but it was Evan. He smelled like something sweet, which, of course he did. His scent was warm, it was also earthy and Tommy thought lavender was mixed in too. It wasn’t until they were running and the wind was catching Evan’s fur that Tommy knew why he found it familiar. He smelled like tea. More precisely, earl gray. Bergamot. Evan smelled like Bergamot. 

Tommy had forgotten what it felt like to run with another wolf. How it felt to chase and be chased or how wonderful it was to lean against Evan and have his scent surround him. 

Afterwards, when they were back in his car, it was like he couldn’t stop smelling him. Really, it was that he didn’t want to stop. He knew he had never reacted to anyone like this. He’d never been something like obsessed with anyone’s scent before. Scent drunk, some Werewolves called it. 

By the time they were back at Evan’s apartment, Tommy didn’t want to leave him. Evan didn’t get out of the car. He lingered and then turned to Tommy almost nervously. 

“Are you hungry?” 

“We skipped lunch,” Tommy pointed out. 

“Pizza?” Evan asked and the way he tilted his head, smile on his lips was so puppy-like. This man was far too precious. 

“Sure,” Tommy said. 

Evan shot him an even bigger smile, as if he had thought that Tommy would turn him down. Instead, he followed him up to his apartment. He was impressed. It had a nice loft space and then the rest of it was open concept. Everything was neat and tidy. As nice as it was, he couldn’t imagine that it was ever a space where Evan could shift forms. 

“Uh, if you want to clean up a little the bathroom is through there,” Evan pointed at the half open door. 

“Thanks.” 

He wasn’t too messy. It wasn’t like they had rolled around in the mud or anything. Still, he splashed water on his face and ran his wet fingers through his hair. When he rejoined Evan, he found him in the kitchen with a paper menu for a nearby pizza place and two beer bottles. He handed Tommy both the menu and a beer. 

“I liked your wolf,” Evan said a while later, when they’d settled at Evan’s table. 

“Yeah?” 

He was blushing for some reason that Tommy couldn’t determine. At times, Tommy did think that Evan was trying his hand at flirting with him. He stared at Tommy enough. Still, he couldn’t be sure and he liked Evan too much to risk it and risk the friendship they were forming. If he was reading things wrong or if anything went badly, he didn’t think he’d be okay with losing Evan. 

Evan called their order in. 

“Twenty minutes,” Evan said. “I’m glad we can agree on something. Eddie is crazy and likes pineapple on pizza.” 

“That’s a choice,” Tommy said.

“It’s horrible is what it is,” Evan said with a shake of his head. 

Tommy took a few sips of his beer and smiled against the lip of the bottle. Evan took a sip of his own and then motioned for him to follow him further into the apartment towards the living room. 

“Uh, we could watch something? If you want?” Evan offered. 

Tommy would have done anything with him and to ease the awkward way that Evan reached for his remote, he grabbed it out of Evan’s hand. Evan gasped. 

“What is your favorite movie?” Tommy asked. 

He walked around Evan to sit on the couch. It felt firm but comfortable. Evan eased into sitting at his side. 

“Evan? Favorite movie?” 

“I really liked Star Wars,” Evan said, but he said it like a question. “What, uh, what’s yours?” 

“Love Actually,” Tommy said. 

“Never seen that,” Evan said. “Uh, I haven’t seen a lot of things. But we could watch that if you want? I mean, if it’s your favorite you like it so…”

Tommy let out a breath. This hadn’t been his aim in asking and yet, he didn’t hate the idea of sharing a movie he loved with him. 

“Okay,” Tommy said. “Just, uh, be aware we won’t be able to be friends if you don’t like this movie.” 

“Oh, that’s how it is?” Evan asked, settled further into the couch and brought himself closer to Tommy. 

Tommy busied himself figuring out Evan’s tv without any input from the man, but when he finally looked towards him he found a fond little smile and something like wonder in Evan’s eyes. 

[its-time-to-write]

ch. 3 - hustling for the good life

table of contents comments and tags give me serotonin otherwise i look like this 🫨

it could be love

“God, why did you let me do that?” Natalie groans as she clomps into your room. “I feel like I got hit by a truck.”

You grin as you continue putting on makeup. “As if I can control anything you do.”

“You’re my boss,” she grumbles, “You’re literally supposed to be in charge of me.”

You open your mouth to disagree, but are interrupted by a knock at the door. 

Natalie jumps. “Oh shit, I forgot Keeley’s coming over.”

“Lucky for you, I didn’t. Why do you think I’m so put together right now? I’d way rather be in my pajamas.”

Nat waves her hand as she heads for the door. “Nah, she wouldn’t care. Hey Keels!”

“Hi babe!” says a grinning Keeley. “Brought you coffee.”

“You’re a lifesaver,” Natalie groans. “Fuck me, that’s amazing.”

“I’m almost ready,” you call from the bathroom, “and then we can sit on the couch.”

“Take your time!” Keeley calls back.

You make your way to where she and Natalie are seated.

“Thanks for doing this, love,” Keeley says. “I haven’t done many interviews, so when your PR firm asked me to do one with you all freelance-like, I said yes before I had time to worry about being rusty!”

You laugh and say, “No worries. It’s nice your boss lets you do other things like this.”

“Oh yeah, Rebecca’s great,” she agrees. “And she’s a really big fan. She’s been following you ever since your first album came out. Think most of the team have, actually. The boys think you’re fit. I even caught Roy listening to your new album the other day!” She laughs. “That’s my boyfriend. He’s one of the coaches at Richmond. Oh my god, you don’t know what Richmond is, do you?” she asks in response to your vague confusion.

“I know Richmond the place, I just don’t know about whatever it is you’re saying. I assume it’s football?”

Keeley nods. “Yeah, they’re not half bad actually. Mostly. Well, they still struggle sometimes, but Jamie’s a ringer. He’s got half of Europe swooning over him.”

Right. Jamie. That must be the same Jamie you met last night. You make a mental note to google Jamie Richmond football later.

“You’re going to have to come to a match before you go back to America. You’re here for a month, yeah? That’s plenty of time to get you in. And don’t be intimidated by Rebecca, she acts all scary but she’ll be over the fucking moon to meet you!”

—

Keeley was not joking about Rebecca. She is tall with perfect hair and makeup, with posture that most chiropractors would envy. She sneaks you in the back of Nelson Road Stadium almost a week later for what she says is “proper football.”

It’s certainly entertaining. Jamie at least looks like he has total control of the field at all times, scoring two goals that keep Richmond at a tie with the opposing team. He can fake out other players and communicate with the other Richmond boys in a way that’s almost like a dance. You wonder what he would look like at the party the other night, and if his rhythm translates elsewhere.

The match is over, and Rebecca asks if you’d like a tour of the building. 

“We can wait up here in the box until everyone else clears out,” she says. “Or we can sneak into my office and raid the snacks I have hidden.”

“Snacks,” you reply immediately. “Definitely snacks.”

—

The trip to Rebecca’s office is one filled with giggles as the four of you do your best to make it through the building without anyone recognizing you. Your hat is pulled low over your eyes as Rebecca drags Keeley, Keeley pulls you, and you lock hands with Natalie.

You peek in the locker room on the way to the stairs and catch a glimpse of Jamie. You can tell it’s him by the hair. He’s shaking the shoulders of a grinning Sam Obisanya. You smile and continue on your way.

Rebecca locks the door behind you and kicks off her shoes with a sigh. “Oh it’s been a good day,” she says.

Keeley’s rummaging through Rebecca’s drawers and throwing snacks to you and Natalie on the couch. 

“Every day we don’t lose is a good day,” Keeley explains. “We’ve had this killer tie streak going, and the team hates it but I think it’s better than losing all the time.”

You nod and say, “I get that. Wouldn’t fly where I’m from, but I get it.”

You pass a good half-hour talking and eating, and it feels nice to be with people who don’t give much of a shit who you are. Keeley’s exposing Rebecca for having a consensual workplace relationship while telling stories of when she and Natalie were first starting out and sharing a flat with four other girls. 

“Fucking wild,” Natalie says with a shake of her head. “What my parents were thinking when they let me move to England at that age, I don’t know.”

You all dissolve into a fit of giggles, and almost miss the knock at the door. Rebecca catches it and calls, “Who is it?”

Probably Roy, Keeley mouths.

“It’s Jamie,” says Jamie. “Wanted to see if Keeley’s with you.”

You exchange looks as you silently debate whether or not to open the door. 

“Is now a bad time?” Jamie asks, voice muffled. “I can come back later. Keeley, if you are in there, Roy’s being a prick about dinner tonight, so can you tell him to fuck off and stop being a grumpy old twat? Fucking annoying. And I wanted to ask if you have any more parties with that one girl we were talking about? Anyway, I-” 

He’s cut off by Keeley unlocking the door and swinging it open. 

“Oh hi Keeley. Ladies.” Jamie’s cheeks grow bright pink to match the tips of your ears.

Fuck, when was the last time someone made you fucking blush? If you had to guess, probably Kyle Sandoval in high school, inspiration for your debut album and, apparently, Jamie’s favorite song. 

You’re so caught up in your reverie that you miss Jamie and Keeley’s conversation, only tuning in when Jamie says goodbye to you by name. You say bye in the softest, most not-you voice ever and pretend to ignore Natalies subtle jab into your side.

You allow yourself exactly fifteen seconds to watch him as he walks away, hair still damp from the shower.

Oh shit. Oh shit, this is so not good.

Keeley shuts the door behind her and zeroes in on you.

“So, what’d you think?” she asks with far too much glee.

She knows NOTHING, you remind yourself.

You feign ignorance. “About..?”

Natalie rolls her eyes and smacks your arm. “About JAMIE, you dumb bitch! You’re totally into him.”

Rebecca perks up and asks, “Ooh, have you two met before? Because I honestly could see you two together. The footballer and the singer,” she says, spreading her hands in the air like her words are written in the sky.

Calm. Be calm. You scrunch your nose. “I mean, we sort of talked at Isaac’s. He seemed nice, I guess. But it was dark and we didn’t really talk about much, and it takes a lot more than that for me to like someone.”

“But you think he’s fit,” Keeley interjects. “I saw you check him out as he walked away.”

“And you were blushing,” Natalie adds. “You totally were. I saw your ears and they were bright red.”

You shrug. “Alright, I’ll admit he’s attractive. But come on, he’s just another pretty, famous face. He’s probably on his way to have a one-night stand with some model then fall asleep dreaming about how glad he is that he has no commitment in his life. Or, he acts like the perfect boyfriend while cheating the whole time, then breaks it up when the public starts losing interest. It happens all the time. I’m not interested in that right now, plus I’m only here for a month. Then I go back home and start touring around the world. That’s some major commitment. Tell me, what footballer wants a girl like that?”

There’s a pause as Rebecca and Keeley look at each other, then back to you. “Jamie,” they say in unison. “Jamie would want that.”

table of contents

[niall-ate-mynamee]

note: well…here’s a little one shot for Nialler’s birthday (let’s pretend i didn’t post this 3 days after, yeah? ;))

hope you enjoy! <3

i haven’t proof read this, so any mistakes, please let me know!

It was Niall’s 30th birthday. He was alone. Sure, he had plenty of friends he could’ve invited over and drank until he passed out, but he wanted to be alone. He was missing his boys today. His boys.

Louis, the idiot, the prankster, his partner in crime. Oh, how he missed the laughs they had on and off camera. Louis was the one who could make him laugh in the midst of a breakdown.

Liam, “daddy direction” as everyone called him. His best friend. The man who had a heart of gold, but had demons he had been fighting and overcame. Liam would hold him tight when things got too much.

Harry, his younger-older brother. The man who Niall knew would always be loved by millions around the world and could be on tour every single day for the rest of his life and still have sold out shows. The man who would stay up all night when Niall couldn’t sleep.

Even Zayn, his brother from another mother. The man who protected Niall, no matter the circumstance or consequences. Who showed his love every single day. He would sit silently when Niall would rant and rave about the difficulties he experienced.

Niall missed them. Beyond anything. He knew they were all living their best lives and he was forever proud of everything they achieved. He’d follow their journeys. Their music was indescribable. He had all their albums, listened to them every single day. He’d watch back old interviews and One Direction videos just to feel closer to them.

But, all he ever wanted, was to see them again, hang out with them again, have a massive party, just the five of them. Was that too much to ask?

He was turning 30 now, and the only gift he wanted was them. Don’t get him wrong, the gifts, cards, texts and countless messages he’s received already from friends, family and fans are so amazing and he feels so cared about…but, there’s only four messages he’s yet to receive and if his heart is cracking every hour that passes with nothing, well, nobody has to know.

It’s nearing 5pm, the time his friends had asked him to be ready for because they have some surprise planned for him before they take him out for the night. Niall found it quite pathetic really, how a now-30 year old man was alone in his home moping about the past, but you’ll have to forgive Niall, because he’s never exactly been “normal”. He was always the odd one out.

When he was changed and ready, about to open up a beer to celebrate on his own before he would spend the rest of his day surrounded by people, there was a knock on the door. He bit back a groan, quickly taking a gulp from the bottle, while walking towards the door.

There was a second knock, and Niall rolled his eyes. Sometimes, his friends were so impatient. They knew he was in, and knew he was expecting them, so there was no need to knock more than once, dammit!

“I’ve told you before, if you keep knocking, I won’t-“ He froze as he opened the door, nearly dropping his beer, thinking he was going crazy, because there, standing right on his doorstep, grinning cheekily and arms full of gifts, and alcohol, were the only four people he wanted to see.

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY, NIALLER!” They cheered, holding up various gifts wrapped neatly, cards with his name on, Louis of course had enough beer for them all to spend the entire next 12 hours drinking, and every single one of them had eyes sparkling with joy and love.

“Wh-what?” Is all he could choke out.

It was Liam who explained, “You didn’t think we’d ever forget your birthday, did’ya, Ni? Your mum had said you were celebrating alone this year, and we couldn’t have that, could we, boys?” Liam threw a wink to Niall as the boys nodded, “Thought we’d drop by and make sure you had some company. After all, you only turn 30 once!”

Niall was shocked. He couldn’t believe his boys were really here and standing just merely inches away from him. He could feel the tears gathering in his eyes and he thanked the gods his house was protected from any public passer-by’s.

“We love you, Neil, and we miss you…can we have the honour of celebrating your birthday with you?” It was Louis this time, and Niall choked on a sob before nodding frantically and launching himself on them and bringing them all into a group hug.

He could hear their laughter as their arms wrapped around him and held up tight. His nose was hit with all their scents and he breathed them in, making sure it was real and he hadn’t just gotten so drunk that he was hallucinating.

“You idiots…I miss and love you so much,” He whispered, not letting go. He felt a pair of arms under his thighs and he jumped slightly, wrapping his legs around whoever’s waist and feeling them carry him back into his house.

By the smell alone, he could tell it was Liam he was clinging onto, and he started to blush. It’s been over 8 years since he last was carried around by any of the boys like this, but he didn’t care in that moment, because he had his boys again and he’d be damned if he was letting them go now.

When they made it to the lounge, he lifted his head from where it was buried in Liam’s neck, and looked around. Louis was putting all the beers on the table (the one Niall had already was amongst the bunch and for a moment, he wondered how it got there because he didn’t remember putting it down or even letting go), Harry was placing all the gifts they had brought in a neat pile in the corner of the room, Zayn was putting multiple games (board and video), DVDs and CDs he had with him in separate piles on the other table and Liam still had a hold of Niall.

“What did ya wanna do first, Nialler? We’ve got films, music, games? Or we can give you your presents? The choice is all yours!” He heard Zayn ask, and Niall finally let go of Liam to look around at them all. He grinned and wiped at his eyes, making sure to take it all in and laughed, truly laughed, head thrown back and eyes sparkling with so much love and joy.

“You lads better have got me the most expensive gifts you could find, after all, I’m your favourite Irishman ever!” He joked, and everyone burst into laughter.

“Nah, I prefer Bobby Horan!” Harry smirked, earning himself a playful glare before being attacked by Niall and the two “babies” of their group ended up on the ground, and the laughter was even louder.

Five boys who grew into men back together. Their hearts beating as one, once again. Niall wouldn’t change anything for the world, because even though they’ve moved on from their past, and are all doing their own things, they’re family. No matter what life throws at them, they’ve always got four brothers ready to catch them.

Niall spent his 30th birthday with the people who meant more to him than he could ever describe. Niall would never celebrate another birthday alone ever again. He had his boys there for him, and he’d forever be grateful.

Maybe one day in the future, they’d make music together again, maybe they won’t, but either way, Niall had four brothers who he’ll forever love and cherish.

note: Happy birthday, Nialler <3

sorry it took me slightly longer to post, writers block has hit me hard lately!

i hope you guys enjoyed this, anyways! it’s slightly different to what/how i usually write, so let me know what you think! :)

i’ll be working on some prompts over the next few weeks, so there’ll be more coming very soon!

[spade-riddles]

i don’t wanna keep this conversation going cause everybody has their own opinion, but last thing i’m gonna say. sorry, SR if this going back and forth.

from taylor’s songwriting we can tell that karlie wouldn’t have just “found another woman”. they are madly in love anon. they just clicked right away and had an unmatched attraction, you don’t just give that up like that. have you listened to The Great War, karlie had many opportunities to leave, but she chose not to cause she LOVES taylor.

also if you look in taylor’s discography as i said, hits different, question, dancing with our hands tied, etc etc that’s a person who is at ease with themselves when it comes to that specific thing. “you said there was nothing in the world that could stop it/ i had a bad feeling”

regarding the fake marriage, i get jerk is a criminal but i don’t get why would karlie at this point leave jerk and have another beard.. because maybe jerk was for her more of a secure, long term beard.

you see, not all celebrities love a long term beard, they just love to change and keep the wheel going. taylor was like this, but that was because she wasn’t in a stable relationship, she needed a long term beard to fit the love songs she would write about her hidden relationship so that people won’t try to know the truth. plus she wanted to bury her older “serial dater” reputation. and she successfully did.

so maybe karlie just felt this is suitable for the long run for her and taylor.

saying “why would karlie do that” makes me feel like you haven’t listened to taylor’s last four albums! 😅

also don’t forget how loud taylor was during lover then after the masters situation happened, she crawled into a hole again. do you think karlie has anything to do with that delay? it was all about taylor, not karlie.

also do you think karlie likes to be called a traitor, piece of shit, a crook who was caught etc etc? like what makes a human being want their reputation to be ruined except that they are in love and they have no other choice.

karlie had to burn herself to some degree to protect taylor.

taylor is a BIG entity. she is a brand and a company. i know she makes it look simple and fun, yet she is A WHOLE brand, anon.

karlie also is, but come on, is she on that level? ofc not.

also to the “brought jerk to the 1975” do you realize that they do that to make it look “less” questionable. taylor would have calvin around in so many places when karlie would be there.

plus beards hang out cause they are tied to a contract, anon. she can’t just ignore him. we wish, but karlie was signed to jerk before taylor.

also, i’m sure she had a “renew” moment and she did it cause there was no way they’re coming out and they just wanted to keep the image stable. it also makes karlie worlds away from taylor cause she isn’t bearding with an actor or musician. there would be very little chance that they could be in the same room.

also if taylor and karlie had plans of having a kid and it would be karlie who would get pregnant, she needs to be in a long term relationship to convincingly take that step with a beard. she won’t just do it with an artist she met 5 months before.

i’m pretty sure the jerk situation felt like the worst best choice for them to take so many step behind the scenes.

it’s fucked up, but it’s why they had.

all in all, i’m sure karlie has her fears, but i’m 1000% convinced she is more at ease with herself and would just take the leap, you know why?

cause she went with the fake feud plan and wasn’t scared it would make her lose support. i think she can face it.

ALSO “i should not be left to my own devices, they come with prices and vices, i end up in crisis/ i wake up screaming from dreaming, one day i’ll watch as you’re leaving/cause you got tired of my scheming, for the last time”

“you would break your back to make me break a smile”

“listen.. i hope i never lose you hope it never ends (..) baby i’m so terrified of if you ever walk away”

“i’m a mess, but i’m the mess that you wanted”

“what’s a life time of achievement if i pushed you to the edge but you were to polite to leave me and do you miss the rouge who coaxed you into paradise and left you there?”

“i cut off my nose just to spite my face and i hate my reflection for years and years”

i can go on and on, but those are some of taylor’s lyrics that scream “sorry i put you in that situation” and you know what? it’s okay if taylor isn’t ready, it’s fucking frightening, i understand. also karlie loves her and wants to support, so good for her.

[married-2-the-music]

K-pop Discography Deep Dives: NCT Dream

A Disclaimer: I was planning, when I first started Tumblr, to be a lurker, but then I began an office job and needed something to listen to to keep myself occupied. And then, I started going through entire K-pop groups’ repertoires, album by album, and jotting down my thoughts. And then, I stumbled into K-pop tumblr and decided, you know what, there’s at least four people on this hell site who would read in depth rants about these discographies and at least five who wouldn’t read it and then get mad because it’s kind of our job as K-pop fans. My lukewarm takes should be taken with an entire silo of salt and the knowledge that this is completely for fun and occupying my very bored, very neurodivergent brain. With that being said, enjoy!

So, we’re talking about NCT Dream today; here are my credentials. I haven’t been interested in them for very long, to be honest. It’s only been since around the beginning / middle of June, when I was recommended their videos. Since then, though, I’ve listened to a decent amount of their songs (mostly title tracks but a few b-sides too), and while I wouldn’t call myself an NCTzen, I would definitely call myself a fan.

They debuted in 2016, at around ages 14-16 (and now, no longer being those ages, I wince internally), with the song Chewing Gum, which I did like. It has a nice mix of hip-hop and singing, but it’s definitely not as much my style as their later work. For obvious reasons, it feels childish, and I’ve never been a fan of sing talk.

The other two songs in their first single “The First”, are My First And Last and Dunk Shot. My First & Last starts out with a surprisingly hard-hitting beat, reminiscent of SHINee, and I liked it a lot more than I expected. Dunk Shot is actually my favorite, continuing the SHINee vibe, which of course I loved, hence the blog name.

What stuck out to me the most in these early songs is how distinctive and honestly great their voices are, even as young as they were. (I know I keep emphasizing age here, but being a celebrity at 14…just let that sink in.) I can almost always tell who’s singing, even not knowing their voices very well.

The voices who stood out the most, though, are probably Mark and Haechan. Haechan’s voice has a great balance of nasality and chest voice, and as a singer myself, I think he has great control. Mark’s is very different from that, but unlike many rappers, I almost always enjoy his parts in the songs; his breaks are good, he has flow, and a good singing voice too. Renjun, Chenle, Jisung, Jeno, and Jaemin have good voices too (especially Renjun’s lower tones, which offer a good contrast)

The next comeback is We Young, which, despite its somewhat silly intro, manages to balance the youthful feeling and their talents well. It feels like a day at the beach or a road trip, and also a bit like Seventeen. Walk You Home is my favorite b-side from the EP, because I’m a sucker for acoustic guitar, but I also love the anthemic nature of Trigger The Fever.

I know I’ve heaped praise on them so far, but as a first year of material, these songs are really good. Unfortunately though, we then get to NCT Empathy 2018, and their song Go, which feels far more like an NCT 127 song than anything to do with Dream…which unfortunately isn’t a good thing. After all the beautiful harmonizing and the floating melodies, the hip hop beat and pop-trap mix feels especially harsh.

We Go Up follows the hip-hop sound that Go established, although the chorus, though less melodic than the other ones before, is alright. The b-sides are also less melodic but better than the title; Dear Dream especially is very sweet and makes me smile, especially the “I’ll be your home”.

Some of their best songs are the nostalgic, feel good, and somewhat understated ones, with a stripped back production that allows the Dreamies’ voices to carry the weight and harmonize together, turning something average into something quite good, like Candle Light, written when Mark left the group due to becoming an adult. (He did return, although not for two years, and his absence is clearly felt; the songs feel a bit less full.)

Fireflies is also sweet; the full chorus is a welcome return to form and it becomes an anthem in its later moments. Boom, meanwhile, returns to the hip-hop sound, and although the choruses are alright, it’s also not close to their best. We Boom (Boom’s album)’s b-sides are also (mostly) not it. They embrace the NCT 127 idea of uncomfortable sing talk and waste their great voices, Stronger especially. Dream Run is pretty good, though.

Ridin’ is not their best, and again I’m reminded that they have so much potential that isn’t being used. The chorus is almost great and usually I can articulate better, but something stops me from liking it more.

Hot Sauce marks….well the return of Mark (sorry), and as happy as I am to hear him bring more balance, I wish he could’ve gotten a better song for that. The sing talking is back in spades and its genuinely grating on the ears, which I never thought I’d say about an NCT Dream song. The b-sides are alright, with All Night Long, Be There For You, and especially Irreplaceable (which feels a lot like old Dream with its bright energy) as some nice hidden gems.

Hello Future is, at last, a title track that reflects the best of NCT Dream: upbeat, hopeful, and optimistic, It’s delightfully odd and a bit off-kilter, and manages to blend hip-hop, straight pop, and even a little bit of the dreaded sing-talk in to make an honestly delightful song, which isn’t an easy talk. Bungee is a great b-side from this album too.

But, of course, this can’t last, and we’re back to the sing-talk with Glitch Mode, which I’ll admit is marginally better than Hot Sauce but still gets on my nerves because it has a pretty good build-up in the pre-chorus, but just no pay off, which is one of my pet peeves, I’ll admit.

The b-sides are all pretty good (barring Fire Alarm), and I especially liked the sleepy warmth of Teddy Bear, the upbeat drive of Better Than Gold, the chill road trip vibes of Drive, and the electro / R & B influences of On The Way. In fact, their b-sides after Hot Sauce are almost all good, and even the ones that don’t end up on my playlist, I don’t usually find myself skipping much.

Candy is a cover of H.O.T., but I really like it. It’s very much a holiday feeling song, which surprisingly I, a certified Christmas cynic, don’t mind. It’s fun and doesn’t take itself too seriously, which is a must with this kind of subject matter.

Graduation isn’t technically a single, but since it has an MV (and because I’m biased but let’s pretend I have a legit reason), I’m treating it as such. In my opinion, it’s one of Dream’s best songs. What could so easily become just another easy listening b-side turns into an honestly lovely ballad with their voices adding sweeps of genuine emotion. Overall, I think that it’s one of their most honest songs, which makes sense if you know the backstory, and it reminds me of my own (quite imminent) graduation, which means I never fail to sing along.

Broken Melodies starts like an understated ballad, but soon spirals into an anthemic song with an earworm of a chorus, a great chorus, and excellent use of their voices, which sound imbued with warmth and better than ever. It’s no wonder that I became a fan after listening to this song.

ISTJ, the actual single from the album, isn’t as good as Broken Melodies, but it’s miles ahead of Hot Sauce and Glitch Mode; the chorus is sprawling and definitely has me tapping my head. I’m not a fan of the intro though. As for the b-sides, Blue Wave has a nice beachside beat, but my favorite is Like We Just Met, which was written by the band members themselves, and feels like a warm hug or a walk by the water.

Overall, again I’m super glad I did this. I’ve added a lot of b-sides and early songs of theirs to my playlists and gained a whole new respect for the members’ voices. I think after my deep dive, I can consider myself an NCTzen, at least of NCT Dream, although that doesn’t extend to the other subunits yet.

So my top five songs by NCT Dream are Graduation, Broken Melodies, Fireflies, Hello Future, and Trigger The Fever / Dunk Shot (because I couldn’t choose). Overall, NCT Dream gets an 8.5/10 from me, because they are pretty good most of the time but when they lean into the sing talk…well, I don’t need to repeat myself. I do really enjoy the greater part of their discography though, and when they stick to their strengths, they’re hard to beat.

See you next time for a girl group!

[thisaintascenereviews]

Bring Me The Horizon - Post Human: Survival Horror

Bring Me The Horizon is one of the most popular bands in the world, and they can thank themselves for that, because they started experimenting with outside influences and styles outside of metalcore and deathcore. They started off as a deathcore band that a lot of people hated; I remember the disdain in full force, as I was a huge fan of them around 2008/2009, back when they dropped second album, Suicide Season. Even with that, they went into more of a metalcore sound with that album, but they were very heavy. During the early 2010s, when metalcore was at its most generic and derivative, Bring Me The Horizon released Sempiternal in 2013, and that record introduced alt-metal, nu-metal, and hard-rock into their sound, whereas 2015’s That’s The Spirit properly utilized those sounds and they didn’t have as many breakdowns and heavier moments. Things really changed with 2019’s Amo, in which the band doubled down their outside influences by including pop and electronic music. I really enjoyed that record, as it was the first time I enjoyed a BMTH album in years, but I wondered where they’d go from there.

Well, that’s where Post Human: Survival Horror comes into play. This was supposed to be the first of four EPs, so who knows if we’re getting the other three, but this came out around the start of the pandemic in 2020, and I remember listening to it a couple of times, but I didn’t think too much of it. Fast forward a few years later, and BMTH are not only one of the biggest bands in the world, they’ve been steadily dropping new songs, the latest of which being “Kool-Aid” just a couple of weeks ago, I thought I’d go ahead and revisit this album. It’s not quite an album, I guess, but it’s 32 minutes, so I don’t know. I figured I’d revisit this, and spend some time with it, because I didn’t have anything else to sink my teeth into. I also think it would be worth looking at in retrospect, just to see how well it’s aged, or if it hasn’t.

Thankfully, though, this record has aged quite well, but that’s kind of because Survival Horror seems to be at a crossroads for them. This album reintroduces some elements of metalcore, surprisingly. If you’re a fan of their older material, you’ll like a few tracks here, especially the opener, “Dear Diary,” which is some of the heaviest stuff they’ve done in awhile, but they’re still moving forward in their sound with songs like the Babymetal-assisted “Kingslayer,” or “1X1” with alt-metal / nu-metal duo Nova Twins. Songs like these are both heavy and catchy all at once, but you do have some softer moments, too, such as “Obey” with Yungblud, where it does have some heavier stuff in it, but the backbone of the song is very pop-focused. I’m not personally a huge fan of Yungblud, and I’d say that’s the song that probably works the least for me, but its hook is still really solid.

Closing track “One Day The Only Butterflies Left Will Be In Your Chest” not only has a song title that sounds like it would have been in the mid-00s, but Evanescence’s Amy Lee is featured on this ballad, and my god, it’s gorgeous. This song sounds beautiful. Her angelic vocals add a level of gravitas that makes it work really well, but it’s such a great closer. It’s a great ending for a half hour record, and it never feels as though it’s too long or dragging. This record has the distinction of having songs that are memorable and are distinguished from each other, but they all flow together, nonetheless. Frontman Oliver Sykes is a good reason for that, too, and I haven’t mentioned him much here so far, but wow, he’s so good. His voice has gotten better over the years, and he has a good range within his clean vocals and harsh vocals, but the addition of harsher vocals on this record is a good one, because he handles it well.

The rest of the band is good, too, and the instrumentation is a good complement to him. This record isn’t all just pop hooks and breakdowns, either, but to be fair, the hooks are really good. Sykes and company are one of the best bands in this style that utilize hooks, and Sykes has a way with writing catchy hooks, and this record is no exception. I hadn’t listened to this album in a few years, and I remembered it quite well. There are a handful of really cool riffs and solos, too, and it’s surprising coming from this band, but I perked my ears up every time I heard something interesting and that did something cool, such as a solo, a really unique breakdown, or something interesting, but I enjoy this quite a lot. If you’re like me, and you jumped ship after a certain point with these guys, or you still like them and just want to see them go back to a heavier sound, you’ll probably like this. The best thing about this record is that it doesn’t feel as though they’re trying to pander, but they’re just trying to incorporate older sounds, and it works very well. If anything, and from the new songs they’ve put out, too, I’m excited for another record from these guys.

[groovesnjams]

4 / 50

"Entombed in Ice" by Avalon Emerson

DV:

If there's one thing I love about pop music above all else, more than singalong choruses and emotionally-wrenching details in the second verse and even synths themselves, it's nonsense words. Put "Da Doo Ron Ron" on my grave. So while MG and I both loved Avalon Emerson & the Charm's album, and we nearly put "Sandrail Silhouette," (which has a second verse where Emerson calls her friends' daughters "a reason for an optimistic view," an incredible line) on this list, that song was fundamentally outmatched when up against "Entombed in Ice" and its "Ba da da-da-da-duh." This song addresses someone, a former friend, maybe an ex-lover, fondly but without remorse for what once was. And it gives them direction, if not directions. This is a post-breakup song, maybe the year's great anomaly, full of love but not in love. It's a harsh message delivered in the gentlest way possible. "There are some things you can do for yourself now," repeats Emerson, leaving the things up to our imaginations. But only a little: "rotten hearts will decay" is where the first verse starts, and the blanks are easy to fill in. This song's subject has some shit to work through. But maybe they can! The bridge's "Ba da da-da-da-duh" echoes like freedom. It's possibility, not condemnation. Avalon Emerson stretches to the top of her range, echoing and melting into a short guitar solo, unencumbered by words and saying so much without them. We all have something we can do for ourselves; those syllables sound like they believe.

MG:

Avalon Emerson’s Soundcloud DJ sets are a staple of my household – like toilet paper, iced coffee, or a bed, she is both a necessity and a presence. But also! We only even made acquaintance with her work at the beginning of this very year via both Four Tet and Gorilla Vs. Bear putting “Sandrail Silhouette” on their playlists. I had no idea who she was but it felt like when I first got Napster and I’d search for something and only one, single user had uploaded it – you just know this thing that you haven’t even heard yet is cool. And yes, Avalon Emerson is very cool, so if that’s your criterion, please, stop here and make friends with the whole of & The Charm immediately. I wish I could be like “but if you must know why she’s cool, read on” but some of it eludes me to this day! Not in the emperor’s new clothes way where there’s no cool but I want to project cool on to her so badly that I’m making shit up, but in the way where you start scratching at the surface of a piece of art and it just starts yielding all these layers, some dense and some flaky and some immediately understood and some fleeting wisps of recognition. I continue to be stuck on this interview she gave to Pitchfork where she says (and I will quote the whole thing, not just the part relevant to me):

Since I’ve been involved in dance music, there’s been this arms race toward harder and faster, and it’s not really something that I identify with. This cathartic release that people seek when they go out clubbing, I get it and I respect it, and I participate in it as a DJ. But when I’m listening to music, my idea of a perfect record is a Cocteau Twins record, things that are soft and beautiful. I wanted to make this a soft, pretty record, but lyrically, the things on my mind are dark and sad, and very black-pilled at times. That juxtaposition is important, because something beautiful can also be coming from a place of pain. I think that’s where most good art lies, to be honest.

If anything, I find the way she describes her own ideas here reductive. But the part about it being a contrast to the “harder and faster” of club music is what’s relevant to me. I think “Entombed In Ice,” composed as it is of fragmented thoughts and ideas and sounds and bits that wander in and do their thing and dissolve into vapor or fade into the wallpaper, is a contrast to that club sound but it also does the thing that club music does, it provides a “cathartic release.” To talk back to Avalon Emerson, I’d say that as a culture we’re very hung up on this idea of catharsis as a WHOOSH or a BANG and then silence, nothingness, ending. But I think since we all keep going afterwards, since catharsis is an ending but not the ending, we must also listen quietly for those fragments and appreciate their soft approach and disappearance because that very gentle, loping cycle is also cathartic and we need little catharsis as much as big catharsis. Now back to you, reader. You have to keep listening to “Entombed In Ice,” you won’t get all it has to offer once through. That’s part of what’s cool about it, but just a part.

[thegreatandpowerfulversy]

For the fanfiction writing asks - how about 3, 13, and/or 43?

3. Do you share your fic ideas, or do you keep them to yourself?

In general I'd say I share most fic ideas I have, at least with a few friends on discord who I know are going to be into the relevant fandom or topic at hand. Most recently it was the idea for No Blazing Kin, which came about like this:

Completely without prompting, of course, the main idea/twist just popped into my head and so I had to inflict it on someone immediately. And then I managed to bang out the entire short (by my standards) fic in just four days and inflicted it upon the world.

Plus of course there's the fact that I know that I mainly write very long fics, and I just don't have the time to do 50-200k on every idea I get... so I might as well share, in case someone else wants to pick them up and run with them instead.

13. Do you listen to music while you write? If yes, what have you been listening to recently?

I'm almost always listening to music, whether I'm writing or not. I don't really have a specific "writing mood" playlist or anything, but I might have somewhat conditioned myself into wanting to / being able to write with certain music just by having it on enough while I'm working.

Lately my most common music while writing is a shuffle of the complete works of Brunuhville (bandcamp link), except that by going to the page just now to get the link, I realized there's a brand new album I've never heard of before... from 2018. Maybe not the complete works then, but I'm sure I'll be adding the "new" album soon as well. That's what I get for downloading mp3s ages ago and never checking for updates.

43. Is there a trope or idea that you’d really like to write but haven’t yet?

This is a tricky one. Obviously I'd really like to write the rest of all my unfinished works (and unstarted works later in planned series...) but beyond that I'm not sure.

I do really like complex time travel stuff with stable loops (I know, I know, terminal homestuckbrain) and so far that hasn't made it much into my published fics, just a little in d&d games I've run and this one MLP fic I've had technically "in progress" since 2015. There's a fair bit of time travel in Threading the Needle of Destiny, but only really as a side effect of someone trying to hop between timelines without fully knowing what she's doing.

And of course, there's always new forms of Extreme Lesbianism to write about. I've written girls kissing girls in normal, reasonable ways and situations. I've written plural girls kissing within the same brain and body. I've written horribly codependent identical twin girls kissing on a battlefield amidst hundreds of bodies of those they've killed. I've written a six-girl polycule and soon I'm going to add an AI girl to make it seven. But there's always more you can do. This, too, is yuri.

[lil-melody-moon]

Hi darling💞 for the Metallica ask game: 1, 5 & 20

Hello, darling <3 Let's go with it!

1. You win a Meet & Greet, but unfortunately you have time to talk to just one of the boys… which one do you pick?

Lars Ulrich. He's my favorite band member since forever and it's one of my dreams to see him on live one day or be able to meet him - dunno if I would have any topics to talk about with him, but it still would be cool! People can talk shit about him, but I love everything about him. And his drumming style? Perfection <3

5. Which Metallica song will get you absolutely rambling? Like, you listen to it and you want to talk abt it, to SHOUT about it from rooftops.

I have two like that. One being the "To Live is to Die", but intro only. Have you ever heard it? The intro is so good, like, so calm, but yet the drums are just BANG every time they are heard. And the guitar? OH GOSH, the single notes are making me go nutty - I even cut out perfect few seconds to make it my notification sound on phone, I love it that much <3 And the second being "Dyers Eve". I will only say one thing in this sentence: DRUMS. You have like one minute of normal thrashy intro and then Lars just goes INSANE with the tempo. This song is so fucking fast, I love it! And they slow down only in two parts if I am not mistaken? You can hear a certain drrrrrrrr at some moments when the drums are kicking to the insane level and it's just <3 Plus James's vocals in this one. Barking, angry fucking barking - one of the best of his vocals in the first four albums <3 See? I can ramble about them XD

20. There is something Metallica related that you absolutely want to buy, but still haven’t?

I haven't seen anything that would make me go bats shit insane to want it, but there is that set of Metallica's Funko Pop. I'm not a fan of those figurines, but... That chibi Lars is cute and I would like him to be on my desk, pretty pls

Thank you for asking <3

[livvyofthelake]

be controversial. rank midnights. <3

well since you asked <3 i like to group them into categories. 1) overhyped and quickly lost their shine to me. 2) overrated by swifties because they’re specific to miss taylor’s life. but can’t be related to anything else, you know, the way you’re supposed to do with music :/ 3) hidden gems everyone overlooks. and 4) grew on me like a strange mold or fungus

high infidelity- everybody knows i love this song and i love cheating and infidelity. literally your picket fence is sharp as knives. do i really have to tell you how he brought me back to life…. insane song. if julian fellowes heard this he’d spontaneously explode (<- guy who has normal feelings and no resentment about british drama downton abbey and it’s creator voice)

the great war- literally i didn’t appreciate her in the beginning i was so foolish i was so naive… literally all that bloodshed crimson clover uh huh sweet dream was over my hand was the one you reached for all throughout the great war… i love that she compared fighting with your lover to world war one. someone should make a riverdale core four amv to this

snow on the beach- i love this song right now. it’s simple it’s nice it’s a lovely little love song and lana del ray is doing her moan-singing in the background what’s not to like! also it makes me think about merlin and morgana which causes my brain to short circuit. i overlooked her when the album first came out but i’m back now i should never have left her…

question- i swear to god i’m not being biased because this one also makes me think of merlin and morgana. however it does. anyway i actually always liked this one but i forgot about it for a few weeks there and now i want to listen to it on repeat…

glitch- i love glitch. everybody hates glitch idk what y’all’s problem is i think glitch is fun. also it’s about my buddy kit herondale. if you even care. i don’t however like it as much as i did before i started listening to the above songs again. but i’ve always been a glitch defender

sweet nothing- i think it’s a nice and lovely little song <3 however i hate the parts that are Taylor Specific. but in general i like this song a lot, i remember saying when i first heard it it was a jabitha song and like. so true me it IS a jabitha song… they said the end is coming everyone’s up to something but all that you ever wanted from me was sweet nothing…..

lavender haze- i didn’t like this one initially because it felt too self referential but the “i’m damned if i do give a damn what people say” line goes crazy. i love how she sings that line i love the play on words i love how real it is. we literally are all damned if we do give a damn what people say….

vigilante shit- VERY much suffers from being too much about taylor’s life however it grew on me and EYE think it’s fun. also i am going to make a morgana amv to this. sorry i’ve literally mentioned morgana so many times already but what can i say midnights is a very morgana album to me

mastermind- mal descendants swag… i haven’t listened to this one much since the early days but i didn’t grow to dislike it at all it’s fine it’s just not my favorite

paris- i hate this song. i also am obsessed with it. it’s so complex. all i really know is that i actively seek out listening to this more than most on the album.

you’re on your own kid- has some good stuff going on but in general this is another Specific To Taylor’s Situation song and i don’t like that!!! i hate that so much of her music is unable to be applied to anything but her life it’s narcissistic and masturbatory and ridiculous. and swifites eat it up because they’re functionally in a cult. however the first couple lines of the bridge make me insane so.

karma- i don’t mind this song but i rarely seek it out to listen. also i hate when she says “spider boy” girl what are you even talking about there and are you sure there were no other words you could have used?

anti-hero- very much a taylor swift lead single in the sense that it is bad! i loved it at first honestly but i think swifties and tiktok made it so annoying and insufferable it ruined it for me and now i’m like ughhh yeah girl i get it you’re the anti hero whatever. i don’t hate it it’s a fun song. it’s a very blorbo song to me also obviously, but it’s also kind of annoying and also there was a period of like two weeks where i kept getting this ad on spotify with this song but it was just the part where she repeats it’s me hi i’m the problem it’s me and it just kept repeating and it made me lose my mind a little. i considered starting to pay for spotify because of that ad.

bejeweled- i liked this one and then taylor made it a single and i kept hearing it on tiktok and now i think it’s mildly annoying. it’s fun don’t get me wrong i still like it but. well you know what i mean

bigger than the whole sky- kind of a nothing song tbh. i remember really liking it back when it came out but what the hell was i thinking… i skip it so fast now…

midnight rain- kind of a nothing song to me. what the hell are you even talking about taylor. also jack antonoff’s production here pisses me off. it feels like she named the album midnights and THEN wrote this song to fit the theme and i don’t care if that’s true that’s how it feels and i don’t like it.

maroon- i. don’t like maroon. it’s lame to me. i liked it at first but the shine wore off now it’s just like. what the fuck does it even mean? outside the obvious red reference it’s a nothing meaning and it’s lame. i love that it features cheating tho!

would’ve could’ve should’ve- TERMINAL Specific To Taylor’s Situation disease!!! also i really don’t like the way the transition between the pre-chorus and the chorus sounds. i like the beginning when she’s singing in a deeper voice but as soon as she jumps to the higher pitch i hate it so much. i also don’t vibe when taylor tries to write religious metaphors. she’s not good at it and i can tell she didn’t grow up going to church every sunday and is mainly just culturally christian. taylor you’re not ethel cain stop trying to do religious references in your lyrics.

labyrinth- i literally listened to this once and i never want to do it again. boring! lame! i literally don’t even give enough of a shit to try to remember what it was even about. all i know is that when it comes on i press skip

dear reader- i don’t think i ever listened to this all the way through. it bored me to my core and it just immediately felt like a Specific To Taylor song and i didn’t care to find out. idk what the songs even about and i never want to because i don’t care <3

[alexanderking]

Another Top 20 Albums of 2023

“…And have I left anything out?” – albums of 2022:

E L U C I D – I Told Bessie: Elucid isn't a name I'd checked for since his 'Lessondary' days. To find out he's part of what I call the "Off-Kilter Hip-Hop Movement" was pretty welcome. 'Really enjoyed the flows and production but didn't come back to this enough...

EARTHGANG – GHETTO GODS: The Dungeon Family legacy lives on through this duo (not just them obviously). 'Some impressive flows, beats and messages. 'Another one I didn't come back to enough...

Ego Ella May – FIELDNOTES PT II: This chapter in the 'FIELDNOTES' series details the joy and excitement of a new relationship, only for it to end so soon. The slower, at times stripped down Neo-Soul vibe conveys this well...

Joe Armon-Jones & Fatima – Tinted Shades: A welcome collection of Jazz-influenced Soul from this partnership. An album would be welcome...

Joey Bada$$ – 2000: 'A (spiritual?) sequel to '1999'. I found the lyrics more relatable this time around (especially on a track like 'Survivor's Guilt'). The production isn't as strong, which makes it's predecessor more enjoyable for me...

Quelle Chris – DEATHFAME: 'Some great production on here. I didn't fully absorb the theme of the album though...

Lucky Daye – Candydrip: Lucky Daye continues his streak of quality modern R'n'B. The mood of this album does remain quite samey; I need to be in a certain mood to return to this project...

Phife Dawg – Forever: Darting effortlessly between more vulnerable, reflective topics and braggadocios verses, this project is truly bittersweet...

Sudan Archives – Natural Brown Prom Queen: This is slightly more pop-leaning R'n'B, which contains the bluntness of a SZA or a Summer Walker and some great violin playing woven throughout the 18-track run. I genuinely forgot to put this in my honourable mentions last year...

KingKlavé – KingKlavé: This is just awesome hip-hop influenced jazz fusion! This may have made #19 last year...

2023:

20) Terrace Martin & Alex Isley – I Left my Heart in Ladera:

Alex Isley takes a slight departure from the mellow, lo-fi sounds of ‘Marigold’ to deliver a deep R’n’B project with musician/super-producer Terrace Martin. At this point, you can generally depend on Terrace Martin to give us pleasing, west coast tinged melodies with a hint of 80s and 90s throwback. The centre-piece of this album brought a welcoming end of October for me. I’ve come back to this project a fair bit…

19) Alfa Mist – Variables:

Alfa Mist’s playing has only become more assured with each project. The explorative melodies are accompanied with confident solos, well-placed vocals and the occasional rap verse from Mist himself. I haven’t played this very often throughout the year, but each time I do I think: “Why didn’t I?!!!??!”…

18) Butcher Brown – Solar Music:

Elephant in the room (for me): The tracks getting shorter and shorter with each project is irksome. That being said, a lot of the music remains on the chipper, optimistic side, making this a particularly great listen when the sun is out. There are a couple of three to four track runs on here I often play through easily...

17) Gregory Hutchinson – Da Bang:

After hearing the 30 second sampler of 'Blow Your Mind / Take it Back', 'Da Bang' became one of my most anticipated albums of the year. Unfortunately this did fall a little' short of my expectations; a lot of the instrumentals are great on initial listen, but can overstay their welcome without a chord progression or a breakdown (despite some again, criminally short tracks on here!). Pieces like 'My Turn Now', 'Losing You' and the aforementioned escape this criticism. 'Still an enjoyable listen...

16) Mick Jenkins – The Patience:

This was a late entry to the list for me, literally hearing this on New Years Eve. The Chicago based emcee delivers a flurry of hungry, frustrated verses over his usual and more than welcome jazzy instrumentals. Despite my pedantry when it comes to this trend of short albums, 'The Patience' comes across as succinct, closing off nicely with the importance of remembering to take a breath and the value in learning patience...

15) Yasmin Lacey – Voice Notes:

If this isn't UK Neo-Soul at its finest, it's pretty damn near! 'Voice Notes' opens with the very relevant message of just creating and releasing the project, whatever it is! The subject matter from there covers relationships (family, friends and romantic), cultural legacy, uncertainty and the difficulty that can come with trying to let go...

14) Pedro Martins – Rádio Mistério:

This is my first venture into the music of guitarist Pedro Martins, outside of hearing his guest feature on Thundercat's 'It is What it is'. Needless to say I was not disappointed. A lot of the music harks back to the Jazz Rock Fusion era of the 70s, which works perfectly for me! Standouts for me include 'Liberdade', 'Estrela Do Rock n' Roll Do Planalto Central', 'Polos' and 'Kaya Noite'...

13) Kaidi Tatham – The Only Way:

I'll refrain from saying the thing I've said every time Kaidi Tatham has released an album (you'll know what I mean if you go back through these lists...). What I will say is that there are some awesome track progressions on here, something that has become synonymous with the 2000black sound. I found 'Alien @$^%' particularly inspired, reaching into the frenetic sound that the broken beat genre has provided over the years. Kaidi's output continues to be insane (this isn't the thing I'm referring to...)...

12) Cherise – Calling:

'Another anticipated album of 2023 for me! There are great soulful R'n'B pieces throughout this (solo) debut. While romantic love is a prominent topic on the album, the main theme for me is cultural impact and legacy, heard through the joyful thump of '2 Steppin'', the "barbecue during carnival" vibes on the title track and the various snippets of Cherise's grandmother telling her story...

11) Daniel Caesar – NEVER ENOUGH:

'NEVER ENOUGH' departs from the more syrupy sentiments of a 'Best Part' or 'Blessed' and comes across way more brash over this stripped down, folksy, guitar-laden collection of ballads and reflections. Much like Caesar's previous work, the melodies are on the slower side, a few of them quite subdued. However, the vocal arrangements make these pretty easy for me to sing along to. 'NEVER ENOUGH' has only gotten better and better with each listen...

P.S.: *mumble mumble* 2019 *mumble* apology *mumble mumble*...

10) Lil' Yachty – Let's Start Here.:

The first thing I noticed about the track listing was, the songs were actually over 2 bloody minutes!!!! The second thing I noticed when I clicked the sampler to the opening track 'the BLACK seminole.' was the psychedelic rock instrumental accompanying Yachty's vocals. The push over the edge was when Chris messaged me saying that this album was awesome. He wasn't wrong. Alternating between the more guitar and drum heavy moments of 'the BLACK seminole.' or 'IVE OFFICIALLY LOST ViSiON!!!!' and the poppy glide of tracks like 'running out of time' or 'drive ME crazy!', 'Let's Start Here.' marks a welcome turn for the once controversial emcee, although the question of why stepping away from the emceeing pillar of hip-hop is regarded as growth, is a valid discussion to have...

9) Kali Uchis – Red Moon In Venus:

If anyone asked me why it took me so long to get into Kali Uchis, it would be valid. With delicate (sometimes grandiose) melodies and gentle vocal stylings, 'Red Moon In Venus' offers a more tender side of R'n'B that has taken a break in recent times. This being the case, the subject matter hovers around romantic love by and large (although the title involving the word 'Venus' should be a dead giveaway)...

8) JPEGMafia & Danny Brown – SCARING THE HOES... Startling the Maidens:

JPEGMafia's off-kilter production style compliments Danny Brown's often frantic style of emceeing! Given the organised confusion (no pun intended...I think) of various sound bytes, harsh snares and the odd blast of synth, this album title is pretty apt...

7) Sampha – Lahai:

After a slew of high profile features, Sampha returns with his deeply personal sophomore body of work. Musically, 'Lahai' contains elements of Broken Beat and the more modal electronic sound you might associate with a Floating Points or a Kirk Degiorgio. My favourites include 'Suspended', 'Jonathan L. Seagull' and 'Can't Go Back'...

6) Black Milk – Everybody Good?:

Given the amount of projects that speak on the impact that the COVID-19 pandemic had on our mental health, I can't help but wonder if life has imitated art to an extent; I sometimes find myself referring to these kind of albums as 'Post-blip albums'. Black Milk reflects on how the pandemic has affected him and in doing so, gives us what I believe to be his magnum opus. The verses are succinct. The production is top notch, channeling the signature Detroit sound with higher chords conveying hope, a light in the tunnel and sometimes, surrealism. We also get a hell of a feature verse from Phonte at the back end of this project...

5) Gareth Donkin – Welcome Home:

After a slew of singles over the years, musical prodigy Gareth Donkin releases his debut project. 'Welcome Home' plays as a bit of the throwback record, the bouncy drum patterns and synths taking us to the 80s. I did find this a bit of a shame as earlier singles like 'Inside' or 'Catharsis' were less on the nose with it. Tracks like 'Til' the End of Time (Night Sky)', 'By Your Side' and 'Tell Me Something' is why this is so high on the list (although I think September bias played a part too...).

Side note: I'm glad Gareth Donkin dropped the 'Master Soul Boy' moniker...

4) Ta-ku – Songs to Come Home to:

Ta-ku wasn't a name I'd heard until I was looking for more music by ROMderful. That's when I came across the impressive opening single 'SMILE'. 'Songs to Come Home to' closes out a trilogy of 'Songs to *insert thing here* to' on a peaceful yet hopeful note. The subject matter remains mostly in the realm of romantic love, reflecting Ta-ku's own personal life. A lot of the music stays in the lo-fi vein, but the highs are just that. I found myself enjoying this the more I listened to it also...

3) Shafiq Husayn & The Dove Society – So Gold:

One of the reluctant musical heroes of the West Coast returns! 'So Gold' continues in the vein of 'The Loop', utilising patchy drum loops to compliment the pleasing melodies and occasional beat change. 'So Gold' also takes the time to critique the more stereotypical side of black culture with advertisement interludes that wouldn't sound out of place on a show like 'South Side'. There are also a couple of call backs to Miquel Atwood-Fergusons string arrangement from 'Shafiq En A' Free-Ka's 'Dust and Kisses', a definitive favourite of my mine from the Sa-Ra founder...

2) Incognito – Into You:

Despite Bluey's furious output with his other musical acts, the last few years have formed an Incognito shaped hole that I'd didn't realise was there until my excitement for 'Into You'. This album exceeded my expectations. 'Still fairly predictable, but recruiting Goldie collaborator Natalie Duncan and Soul/R'n'B act Cherri V keeps the sound fresh, while having vocal stalwart Tony Momrelle keeps it familiar. 'Into You' fits comfortably in the top half of an Incognito 'worst to best' list for me (I've been watching a lot of those recently)...

1)

Miguel Atwood-Ferguson – Les Jardins Mystiques Vol. 1:

The Brainfeeder label has Miguel Atwood-Ferguson pick up where Kamasi Washington left off, giving us a triple album of 52 tracks and three and a half hours of music. We are gifted with a wide range of compositions featuring an all encompassing roster of musicians, evoking many emotions ranging from reflective, subdued, hopeful, enchanted, intense, relaxed, going as far as nostalgic; seriously. The many synth-programmed solos have me thinking of Nobuo Uematsu's compositions for the 'Final Fantasy' series (specifically 'FFIX'). There's a lot to come back to on here as many of the pieces are revisited through the three-disc run. My favourites are...too many to count. I have played 'Kairos (Amor Fati)' a lot though...

Honourable Mentions:

Zeñel – 5ive: 'An unofficial favourite of the year! 'Boss Drum' and the 'Aliens' suite are fantastic...

Golden Mean – Oumuamua: 'More great contemporary UK Jazz from the Jazz Re:freshed family...

Ashley Henry – My Voice: I've got so much time for an Ashley Henry release. The vocal tracks on here are beautiful...

Terrace Martin – Fine Tune: This album unofficially continues the 'Sounds of Crenshaw' series for me. 'Some great compositions and instrumentals from the middle to end...

ROMderful – ICE CREAM CLONES 2: 'An enjoyable collection of tracks from the ever more self-assured producer/musician...

Armand Hammer – We Buy Diabetic Test Strips: I don't know if I'm quite there yet with the appeal of Billy Woods but I enjoyed this a lot...

Summer Walker – CLEAR 2: SOFT LIFE EP: This cemented my spring wonderfully...

Danny Brown – Quaranta: Danny Brown takes the time to share where he's been to get to this current stage of life...with much more rapping in his calmer persona...

Amber Navran – Knock on the Orange Door: Navran's talent shines behind the boards as well as on the horns, woodwinds and vocals...bloody hell!

Geneivah – Songs and Soliloquies: If self-care and self-affirmation were a soundtrack.

[goboymusic]

We’re about to enter an era where #AI will produce music that’s on par with anything a human can make. It’ll be interesting to see if people prefer to consume #AIgenerated music over human-made music. My guess is no, as we tend to look to one another for inspiration, emotional resonance, hope, empathy, etc, rather than robots, but who knows. Are we going to prefer having a beer and shooting the shit with #ChatGPT over another human? Are we going to prefer listening to a robot talk / sing about depression, love, sex, etc when we know they haven’t experienced it? Probably not. My guess is that it’ll result in some popular “music as a utility” services that do things like auto-generate a soundtrack to your daily life, and it’ll result in some services where you can enter ideas like “what if My Humps was performed by Nirvana” or “what if Chop Suey was performed by The Beatles” and the AI will generate it. I’ll definitely mess around with those. That sounds really fun.

”The #Rochester #Police” was a filler song. An upcoming release required a specific, self-imposed number of tracks, and it was one track short, so this song was tossed together over the course of a few days.

For the record, I am not necessarily against police. I don’t like it when musicians get political, so I won’t choose to be on either side of that fence. All that I’ll say is that this song was made when I was a brash teenager, and my opinions have changed as I’ve aged.

Some of the lyrics were inspired by a video of Zach Johnson from @iseestarsmusic freestyle rapping in the parking lot of a venue that he had just performed in. That band and its members had a big impact on me as a teenager, being a successful young musical group in Metro Detroit. In reflection, I’d describe them as a group of young prodigies at the time. Lightning in a bottle.

The lyrics and song title are inspired by a few run-ins that I had with cops in my hometown. Being a mischievous teenager, my mischief finally went too far, and I landed in some hot water. Trespassing, disturbing the peace, hindering, that kind of stuff. No felonies, but an assortment of four or five or six misdemeanors. Those issues slowed my output during the tail end of GoBoy 1.

The lofi vocal effect was a necessity. Without it, the vocals weren’t working in my opinion.

The vocal skipping effect is clearly inspired by “Stay Fly” by @three6mafia.

I remember listening to “The Rochester Police” in the car with a friend before releasing it and him telling me that he couldn’t understand the lyrics. Rather than altering the mix to make the vocals more understandable, I released it and moved on. Sometimes, for mental / creative health, it’s best to throw in the towel and move on to the next project.

“The Rochester Police” was part of an album titled “Drop Out University,” which makes me cringe so hard my face looks like a raisin. I went through a phase where I thought higher education was socioeconomic insurance, rather than a place to learn, as you could learn a majority of educational topics on the internet. I regret it, alright?!? (excerpts from posts 14 and 18)

Drop Out University consisted of songs 18-22, in addition to remastered versions of “Emily” and each song of the N3RD EP (songs 10-15) (excerpts from post 18).

Following this song, there would be a five month gap in releases, three of which were spent making a music video for “Throwback (Song 23).” More on that in post 23.

[erwinsvow]

𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐤 𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐫.

summary: eddie munson is smitten and you're a little clueless.

notes: a little pining, smitten eddie munson to ease the nerves <3 it's just cute fluff. first time ever writing for st so don't laugh at my dialogue. i love eddie that's all.

wc: 2.7k

Sweet. A word that Eddie Munson thinks is perfectly suited to describe you. 

He starts to notice the little things, things he never cared to pay much attention too before, but now can hardly escape his attention. 

The way Dustin Henderson never shows up to a Hellfire Club meeting without a packed lunch. The way you fit four to five teenagers into your tiny, beaten Ford Fairmont every other weekend, splitting so-called babysitting duty with Steve Harrington. 

He doesn’t miss the way you have a lot of affection—paired with concern—in your eyes when you wave hello to him, and watch the kids head out from the back of your car. Once or twice, you even call to him with a faint ‘Take care of them’  before you drive away. 

Eddie is smitten. It’s not a state that he often finds himself in, since his interaction with people that he could potentially be smitten with is fairly limited. He’s sold to some, sat next to others in classes, but this might just be the first time that he’s smitten. 

The writing love songs, playing guitar outside your window, spending his days and nights with you kind of smitten. 

He’s not used to this, not at all. 

A nagging feeling in the back of his head reminds him continually that if he was going to feel this way about anyone, it shouldn’t be Dustin Shithead Henderson’s older sister—but no, the heart wants what the heart wants. And for the first time in a long, long time, he knows exactly what his heart wants.

He wants mornings where he picks you up, evenings spent listening to the newest Metallica album that he’s trying to learn, and more unforgettable moments where his heart pounds in his chest and his hand twitches with the overwhelming desire to brush your hair behind your ear. Moments like this.

He stands in front of you, the kids disappearing into the background as they chatter amongst themselves. All Eddie can focus on is you, in front of him, looking lovely as always, if not a touch more concerned than usual.

Your eyes look a little tired—like you haven’t been sleeping enough. That’s strange since it’s the summertime and he would expect you to be more rested than usual. You should be well rested and content and happy—tan and maybe a little sunburned on your nose, doing the things you love and not being concerned about the little shithe-Dustin.

Eddie is suddenly so concerned with the idea of you worrying that he forgets to answer the question you’ve asked him, until you repeat it back.

“Eddie?” you ask, with a soft voice that feels hesitant. Almost as if you don’t want to bother him for the answer. “Do you know when you guys will finish today?”

“Oh-uh-” he stumbles over his words. He hasn’t done that in a long time. Damn it. “Not too late, I promise. I know the little shitheads make you come back here to get them.” You smile at that—mission accomplished. “Y’know, I can always drop them off, if you’re busy. With other plans, or something. I don’t mind.” 

He’s lying. He does mind. Actually, it’s a white lie—he minds them, and at the same time, he wants to do anything he can to make your life a little easier.

“Oh, no, I couldn’t ask you to drive all the way there just to drive home again. But thank you,” you say, and he knows your words are genuine. “It’s not like I have anything better to do.”

“Ah, come on. Pretty girl like you? I can’t believe that.” Heat creeps over your face and you have to turn away for a second. Flustered. Another victory.

“No, no, I’m serious. Just me and maybe another rented movie from Family Video since Steve gives us a discount.” There’s a little smile teasing on your lips that Eddie thinks is the most precious thing he’s ever seen. It’s a mix of sincerity and honesty—you’ll be watching a movie tonight, but there’s nothing wrong with that. 

“Sounds like a good time.”

“Really thrilling. I might even go out of my usual genre range tonight.”

“You’d dare to be so bold? I underestimated you, Henderson,” he says, and another laugh from you draws the attention of the other Henderson.

“Eddie! Hey, Eddie! Can you get your grubby paws away from my sister and come help us set up?” Dustin’s voice calls from the doorway. 

Damn kid. 

“Well, duty calls,” Eddie says, taking a step back. You fiddle with your car keys for a moment.

“Yeah, it does. I hope you have fun tonight.” The sincerity in your voice is close to killing him. He’s never felt so much affection for someone over something so little as a sentence uttered in a tone that makes him feel like his heart is being squeezed by a hand inside his chest. “I hope they’re not too much of a bother.”

“Nothing I can’t handle, Henderson. You have fun too, going crazy with your rented movie.”

One last smile and laugh from you before you head back into your car—a third glorious triumph for him today—and you’re taking off, and he’s heading inside. He can’t wait to see you next.

Eddie can’t remember the last time he acted like this—all clammy hands and anxious foot-tapping. He’s waiting at the counter of the Family Video, Steve and Robin discussing something or other in the background. His attention is fixed firmly on the entrance, since according to the two idiots behind the counter, you always come to rent a movie around this time on a Friday night. 

“Come on, you guys, she’s still not here—what if she has a hot date or something, huh? And I’m just the chum waiting here like a-a stalker or something,” he said, meeting Steve’s blank expression. 

“Well, when you put it that way,” Robin said, cocking her head slightly as if deep in thought. 

“What—Robin, you’re not helping, okay? If this doesn’t work, you know he’s gonna come bother us every single Friday night, right?” Steve’s reply is met with a laugh from Robin and a disgruntled look on Eddie’s face.

“Gee, Harrington, thanks a lot. Loving the help here, it’s really great.”

“Listen, Munson, getting a girl is not as hard as you’re making it seem. You just gotta have charm, y’know, be funny. And the hair—that helps a lot. I mean, it’s not exactly on the same level as mine, but it’ll do the trick, probably-”

“Still not helping, Harrington,” Eddie said, shaking his head again. 

How had he ended up here? 

That was right—Dustin not shutting up about Steve’s expert advice on all topics related to women—pursuing them, acquiring them, keeping them. So here he was, seeking that very same advice, until he suddenly had a thought.

“Wait, why are you qualified to give me advice about getting Henderson’s sister when you don’t even have a girl yourself?” 

“Hey!” Steve said sharply—offended at the mere idea of being labeled as such. “I can get a girl, if I wanted—I’m just picky. Robin, back me up here. How many dates have I been on in the last month, huh?”

“Well, how many second dates have you been on in the last month?” Robin replied, absentmindedly organizing a stack of movies.

“Still not helping, Robin, okay? And by the way, Munson, if you don’t believe in the effectiveness of my theory then why are you here wasting a Friday night on trying it, huh?”

Eddie didn’t have an answer to that. Steve’s three part plan consisted of some things that Eddie supposes wouldn’t necessarily hurt his chances with you. The first was accidentally—on purpose—run into somewhere you frequent, where he could strike up a conversation. That was his mission for today.

“Oh-oh, there she is! Eddie, get ready, act natural,” Robin spoke up, directing her attention to you. Eddie scrambled, taking off in the direction his feet led him in. His instinct told him to hide, for some reason, and so he did, behind a purple velvet curtain. He was gone so quick that he didn’t hear Robin and Steve whispering frantically after him—Not there! 

“Hey, Henderson!” he hears Steve call to you. “Whatcha looking for today?” “Hey guys,” you say, and Eddie can almost hear the smile in your voice. “I’m not sure yet, I’m just gonna look around. I’m gonna be crazy, maybe, pick a new genre or something-” and now Eddie’s the one smiling wide, leaning against a shelf. 

He doesn’t realize how he looks until a man walking by shoots him a strange glance. It takes about ten seconds for him to process which part of the Family Video he’s stumbled into—the 18+ section—before he’s running out.

“What the hell, Harrington, I thought this place was a Family Video!”

But Steve’s not in front of him. You are, with a slightly confused and surprised expression gracing your pretty face. The surprise seeps away as you take in that you’ve supposedly coincidentally run into Eddie at the movie store, but the confusion sets in as you notice which section he’s just come from.

“Eddie,” you say, mustering a smile and trying not to laugh.

Eddie nods nervously. This is not what he wanted. 

“Henderson.” 

You hold up the movie in your hands—A Nightmare on Elm Street II—and try your hardest to ignore the blush settling across Eddie’s face.

“I took your advice, I-I’m being a little more spontaneous than usual. Horror is not my usual genre.”

“I’m so proud of you, that-that is really something.” “Oh, I wouldn’t go that far. I’m just grabbing Breakfast Club as a backup incase spontaneity doesn’t work out for me.”

“Can’t go wrong with that,” he says, and suddenly his usual wit and general sentence forming abilities have disappeared. He must have left those behind the curtain in the adult section.

“Well, I’ll see you around, Eddie.”

“Enjoy-enjoy your movie. Movies, I guess.” 

You smile back at him one time before walking towards the desk. Technically, he had talked to you, and you had smiled, so he had partially done what Steve told him to do.

You walk out shortly after, and he turns to see Steve and Robin doubled over with laughter, nearly in tears.

…

“What the hell am I supposed to do next? How do I ever recover from that whole-” he gestures wildly in the air, “fiasco?”

“You don’t,” Robin says. 

“Thanks, Buckley. Real helpful.”

“It’s time for the second step, Munson, okay, using the resources you have available,” Steve says, tone as if he was directing his lead general in battle.

“What resources?”

“Okay, what does Henderson love?” Eddie stares blankly at him. “Her brother, you idiot. It’s time to make the little shithead do his part—y’know, some payback for free rides and shit.”

“I don’t think Dustin is going to be interested in setting me up with his sister, Steve-”

“No, no, we aren’t gonna tell him. We’re gonna play the kid like a fiddle, okay, he’s not even gonna realize that he’s helping us—”

“Us?” Robin questions, to which Steve stares back at her.

“You, okay. Helping you get the girl and maintaining my reputation, so here’s what we’re gonna do—”

In hindsight, Steve’s plan was a lot simpler than it seemed. For some reason—a reason Eddie could not grasp for the life of him—he could not maintain being a normal person around you. His words got jumbled, his hands got sweaty, and he managed to look like an idiot every time he was within ten feet of you.

The less than foolproof plan involved bringing Eddie to the Henderson household for dinner and using Dustin to sing his praises. Again, in hindsight, Eddie should have known it wouldn’t go as planned.

“Uh, why?” were the exact words Dustin uttered when Eddie asked if he could hang around for dinner. Damned kid.

“So I can, uh, y’know. Spend some more quality time with my favorite freshman. It’ll be fun.”

Dustin stared quizzically at Eddie. 

“Al-right, I guess. I’ll be back.”

Dustin takes off before Eddie can say something—yelling after his mom and you.

Eddie faintly overhears a snippet.

“What do you mean mom’s not here?”

“She went out, so it’s just me and you for dinner. What do you want?”

“Eddie’s staying for dinner too.”

“Oh.” Is that a good or bad ‘oh’? God I hope it’s a good one. “Well, what do you two want to eat then?”

“I don’t know, whatever’s fine, just call us when it’s done—” and before Eddie can pull his ear back from the door that he had pressed up against, Dustin’s back. He stares once again at Eddie.

“What are you doing?” “Me? Nothing. Listen, why don’t we go help your sister make dinner, y’know, so she’s not alone.” “She doesn’t need our help—besides, I thought we had stuff to work on for the campaign-”

“Shouldn’t we help, though?”

“If you want to help, go help, no one’s stopping you—” The attitude on this kid.

And that’s how Eddie ended up in the Henderson kitchen.

He’s pouring pasta into a pot while you cut up something on the counter. The silence is awkward, though not entirely uncomfortable. You both have the bright idea to start a conversation at the same time.

“You really don’t have to help-” meets “So how was your movie?” and you both fall silent.

You let out a laugh. Eddie’s blushing already. He feels his grip on the pasta box slip.

“I just—you don’t have to help with this. Really, it’s no trouble at all.” Your remarks have this quality about them—he believes every word you say, instantly. He doesn’t feel like an intrusion in the slightest. You make him feel like he’s exactly where he should be.

“Oh, well, what kind of a guest would I be if I didn’t try to help. And I mean, with these pasta-boiling skills, it’s a shame to let my craft go to waste.” You laugh again. Music to his ears.

“Unfortunately it’s nothing special when it’s just Dustin and me. I wish he had invited you when we were making something better.” 

“Whaddya mean? This is plenty special. I’m a big fan of-” he picks up the jar of pasta sauce. “Off-label, unnamed red sauce.” Another laugh. Either he’s America’s next big comedian or you might feel about him how he feels about you.

You reach over and take the jar from his hands, fingers brushing for a second. He wishes seconds lasted longer.

“I’m not used to company in the kitchen, okay, usually I’m just making grilled cheese or something.”

“Oh yeah, that kid’s a handful.”

“Yeah but he’s a freshman. Everyone’s like that when they’re fifteen.” A brief pause. “Thank you, by the way.”

Eddie is confused.

“For… what?”

“Y’know. All that stuff with your club and Dusty’s new friends and stuff. I know it wasn’t easy for him. I’m glad he has you as a friend. I think it’s helped a lot more than he lets on. And there’s only so much I can relate too, so, thank you.”

It takes every muscle in Eddie Munson’s body not to kiss you right then and there. 

“Y-yeah. Of course.” 

You smile at him before turning back to your chopping board. 

“The movie was good, by the way. I’m a real risk-taker now.” “Is that so?” Suddenly the food cooking for dinner and Steve’s three-step plan doesn’t matter anymore.

“Yeah, yeah it is.” 

“How would you feel about taking another risk?” He’s turned towards you, facing your back. You keep chopping as you reply.

“I’m not sure I've rebounded from this one yet, it might be a few days to make a full recovery. Why, what do you have in mind-?” you turn, just for a second, to see Eddie. He’s looking at you with big eyes, and a smile that you’re not certain you’ve ever seen on Eddie before.

“Go on a date with me, Henderson.”

You smile brightly at him, almost beaming—mission accomplished—and just as you begin to say yes, another voice interjects.

“Dude, gross. Wait—is this why you wanted to stay for dinner?”

[thisaintascenereviews]

Action/Adventure - Imposter Syndrome One thing I’ve learned as I’ve gotten older, and I’ve absorbed more music over time, is that opinions change. I’ve talked a lot about my feelings on pop-punk over the years, and how I’ve got very complicated thoughts on it; I used to love it, then I fell out of favor with it for a few reasons, namely the genre just not being interesting, as well as a lot of band members and musicians in the genre being outed as predators, and it just leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Why would I want to support something that breeds the worth of humanity? I realized after a handful of years, though, that the genre has changed a lot in the last five years, give or take, and that type of behavior is no longer tolerated, as well as there are new bands coming out or established bands that changed their sound. I just wasn’t a fan of bands moving into a grungy shoegaze sound, mainly because I find it boring, but it was all the rage in 2012. Nowadays, it seems like bands are pulling from the more pop aspects of the genre, pulling from hip-hop, R&B, and pop music itself, such as Magnolia Park, or the latest State Champs album. I haven’t mentioned the genre of easycore, and how that style of pop-punk has also fallen out of favor, but it’s not that it’s gotten bad, per se, it’s that no one really listens to it anymore. It was popular in the early to mid-00s, but now? It’s a shell of what it was once was, but a few bands are still going strong, like Four Year Strong, although a few new contenders show their faces every couple of years. Belmont released a new record earlier this year that I completely forgot about, and Action/Adventure also released their debut album quite recently. They just dropped their debut album, Imposter Syndrome, and I never a fan of Action/Adventure, but listening to the album, I don’t know why. Maybe their brand of pop-punk / easycore just never did anything for me, but this debut album is great. It’s not quite an album of the year contender for me, at least on the main list, but I would like to talk about this album in some capacity. This album is really good, but it does have some issues that hold it back for me a bit. Let’s start with what I like, though, and there is a lot. For starters, this band’s sound is really solid; they mainly seem to be an easycore band, which is the idea of combining pop-punk and hardcore (or just pop-punk with breakdowns), and there are a lot of nice breakdowns on this record, but there are a good amount of pop-punk tracks, so there’s a good balance and some variety on the album, especially when it’s only a half hour. The album ebbs and flows, but in a really good way. The sound is this album is quite nice, and should satisfy fans of the genre, whether you like regular pop-punk or easycore more. The latter is more important, because  there’s a new band to sink your teeth into, since new easycore bands are hard to find these days. That’s always a great feeling, right? These guys are definitely making a name for themselves in the pop-punk / easycore scene, and rightfully so, as this record is very solid. The only real issues I have with Imposter Syndrome is that it while it does a nice job of combining pop-punk and easycore, it also doesn’t do anything unique or worthwhile with it. It sounds great, don’t get me wrong, but you could just go back and listen to the “classic” easycore albums or bands, because they execute that sound a bit better. I guess it’s worth hearing if you’re a diehard fan of the genre, but if you’re a casual fan, or you’re not into it, you won’t get much out of this, I imagine. I had fun with this album, and it’s an album worth hearing to some degree, but it’s not the best of the album of the year. Not that it needs to be, though. I had fun listening to this, and that’s what matters most. It’s a fun pop-punk record with a good sound, and I didn’t mention the lyrics and vocals being pretty good, too, but there’s a lot of potential within this band. These guys have the potential to do really cool things in the future, and this is only their debut album, especially after only being around for the last handful of years. They haven’t been around super long, but I’m excited to see where they go next. They could totally change the game, just like all of these younger bands that are finally popping up and doing cool things. If you want some good pop-punk to go with your flannel, snapback, and pizza, I guess you can’t go wrong with this album, but if you want something more, let alone something that breaks boundaries a bit, you may want to look elsewhere. These guys have a good sound, but it’s within the pop-punk / easycore formula, and like I said, there’s nothing wrong with that, but I’ve heard too many bands that utilize that cliched formula, so I’m looking for something that thinks outside the box, so to speak.