#I judge based on how people treat the most vulnerable

[veilkeeper]

Halsin: For a while, after the shadow curse was lifted, I felt hope in a way that I hadn't felt in years. I thought that nature would heal, and balance between it and civilization could be restored, once and for all... Yet since we neared the city, I have seen more and more signs that I was being naive. Refugees, orphans, the downtrodden... all being left behind. Perhaps the Shadow Druids were right, in their own twisted way. If such sorrows are the fruits of civilization, perhaps there can be no true balance between it and nature.

Halsin: Societies should be judged based on how they treat their most vulnerable. Baldur's Gate may deserve harsh judgement, from what I've seen so far.

man he is not having a good time in the city, huh.

on one hand, i sort of agree with him - so far, rivington/baldur's gate has been terrible, especially to the refugees. but also... so was the grove, when kagha was in charge. we don't need to be in a city/civilization to find terrible people in power who stomp on the poor and unfortunate.

we'll get you out of this slump, buddy.

[little-sw33tie]

Who Framed Roger Rabbit.

I'm unsure whether the living conditions of the Toons would fall into race stratification, as they're less their own race than their own species? In any event, there's plenty to cover.

Most if not all Toons have jobs in the entertainment industry, not only because it comes naturally to them but also because it's essentially the only jobs they can get outside of Toontown. "Gender" plays a role too. Characters like Jessica Rabbit work in what are essentially Gentleman's Clubs as it's all they can get as a job due to the way they're drawn, which is viewed as oversexualized by the humans in the world (and the viewer). They cannot control how they are drawn, nor perceived, but it determines their status and role within the world. I put gender in quotation marks as the Toon characters do not seem to value gender or sexuality as appealing/attractive/of note, so much as the ability to make someone laugh.

Toontown in its entirety, the place where all Toons live, is owned by Marvin Acme. The plot of the movie follows attempts to secure Toontown so it does not get turned into a highway. This makes the Toons a vulnerable and marginalized group. Their society, from the small amount covering the topic, seems to fall the most into the Elite-Mass Hierarchy System, though not quite perfectly. The land they live on is less governed by one person than owned, but while Acme owned it they did have equality of opportunity.

What is certain is that the Davis-Moore thesis would not be "correct" in this context. There are higher paid Toons, even though they're nearly all in the entertainment industry. Work isn't entirely skill based, but also has to do with a Toon's very makeup- they have certain abilities from birth. One of the characters is a huge movie star because he remains a baby, even though he is a full grown man. This is not really a skill or talent so much as just profiting off of his appearances, and yet he is rewarded highly for it. This aligns with opposition to the theory centering around "hey, this doesn't really take race, class by birth, gender, etc. into account" (to put it simply).

I'm not sure what the filmmakers are trying to convey about social stratification. It almost falls more under Hegel's views about interdependence and a slave-master relationship. There's a blatant power imbalance, but also a lot of interdependence. The Humans provide the jobs, and control Toontown, but the Toons desire the amusement of the Humans. The Humans give them jobs. The movie is hard to fit into a certain lens because Toons are treated as a strange mix between people, property, and characters. The rules of their very living and dying is different- bludgeoning one wouldn't kill it but making it laugh to death works. How do you apply the gravity of starvation and poverty to a "hobo" cartoon caricature which is made to be poor? Is it even suffering? Are animal Toons to be considered less than Human if they look and act like animals.... but are sentient? Dumbo in the movie is paid in peanuts! Is that fair to him, when his costars are making real world money? What is of more value to an elephant? Is the whole issue of Betty Boop and Jessica Rabbit working in a Human Gentleman's Club to be ogled even though it's not applicable to Toon culture and values considered exploitation of "Women" (do they even count as women or are they just perceived as women by human society?)

There's more nuance to overthinking this movie than you'd imagine. There's certainly many angles you could view it from.

Anyhow, movie stars like Roger Rabbit are high up in the "layers of rock" so to speak. They have a lot of money, a lot of publicity, and rank even in Human society. He and his wife Jessica are celebrities, after all! Big name characters like Bugs Bunny and Mickey Mouse are also in this category. It's hard to judge standards of living amongst Toons. Eddie, the detective (Human) is shown to be on hard times. He experienced downward mobility after his brother died. This resulted in him becoming an alcoholic and he neglected his duties, stopping engagement in his detective work. So desperate for money (and presumably below the poverty line) he takes a job far below his skill level (a snoop job (taking photos of Jessica "cheating" (playing literal patty cake)), despite having been a well respected detective). He would, at this point in the movie, likely fall into relative poverty. He is still eating, still has the agency and as such a home, etc. but he's not living comfortably by any means. This is also probably an example of anomie affecting a person.

Whose theory is the most applicable in explaining social stratification in the movie? Probably neo-Marxist Erik Olin Wright. Because there's so much nuance in what's happening due to the complexities of Toons existing, a perspective that asks a lot of questions is important. You cannot be black and white when some of the "people" you're talking about are literally drawn in black and white. There's a lot of power dynamics to be discussed, and a lot of oppression that can be viewed in a semi-Marxist lens (particularly since the main plot of the movie sort of centers around the destruction of public transport in favour of highways and all that entails).

Might I have your hand in platonic marriage?

[ohmotherwhereartthou-if]

Hi!! How exactly will phobia of men work with male mc?

Hello!

(there is a rant in the middle of this ask, I am so sorry. Please skip if you'd like, my actual answer is below the rant.)

So this is tricky for me to answer because I am basing the androphobia in my game based off of conversations with people who I know that have it. All whom of which, happen to be women.

The panic/fear/dread that comes with any phobia when your shown the thing you fear, is based off of how I feel when I see the object of my intense phobia.

I do a lot of research on areas I can't pull from personal experience or through conversations with others, and what I have found out is that most men who have androphobia; don't freaking talk about it!

Small personal rant incoming (jump down to next purple line of text to skip):

I'm going to be talking about some fucked things so if you're easily triggered (and your surprisingly reading my sad ass story lol) read at your own risk.

The most I have found is men anonymously asking the internet for help without any context about why they feel the way they do. Which I mean, I'm not judging because opening up about trauma isn't easy. I just think it's immensely sad that most men don't feel like they can talk about these things and bottle it up.

I don't believe in toxic masculinity, I think that there are just toxic people. And very sadly I have grown to see that men opening about their problems often either get shut down or shunned. They get told to be emotionally vulnerable only for it to be used against them, I have personally seen it so often and it makes me so freaking sad. I have a wonderful dad, awesome uncles and the two best little brothers in the world; and all of them have been either betrayed, abused, or sexually assaulted. And they NEVER talk about it. Almost all of it caused by women that also never got punished for it and rather had people defending them while the men practically got told , "get over it" or "you enjoyed it". It makes me so mad people gloss over how much men can suffer just as women do and rather choose to downplay their pain.

Androphobia obviously often comes from trauma caused by men, but even little boys who experience it are reluctant to even bring it up because they get seen as weak. I have seen guys open up about their past and insecurities only to be seen as weak by both other men and women. It's seen as unattractive and again, very weak. Which is so sad when everyone keeps trying to tell men open up, because when they do the same people get turned off or start to see the guy differently.

Ugh. I'm so sorry, I know this is hella off topic but even as a girl myself it hurts me so fucking much to see guys I care about be treated like this then told to keep it to themselves and just be strong.

End of rant (sorry, it's a personal subject for me):

But anywho sorry, I'm not here for PSA's I'm here to write a story. I'm going to keep digging on the internet for men who also have experience with this phobia and if I can't find any accounts for it, I will unfortunately have to treat it just the same as a female experience with the phobia. Which I'm sure there is a difference between how guys experience it but I don't want to force guys to talk if they don't want to about it, as most phobias sadly come from personal trauma. 😢

[quranwithsehar]

Why is it crucial for us to speak out against injustice (zulm)? Why shouldn't we stay quiet? What happens if we stay silent when we see someone being treated unfairly? I really want to discuss this, so let's explore these questions together today.

Whoever among you sees an evil action, then let him change it with his hand [by taking action]; if he cannot, then with his tongue [by speaking out]; and if he cannot, then with his heart – and that is the weakest of faith. Sahih Bukhari

Abu Bakr RA said: I have heard Messenger of Allah SAW say: 'When people see an oppressor but do not prevent him committing sin, it is likely that Allah will punish them all. - [Ibn Maajah]

This means that if people witness someone doing wrong but don't stop them, it's possible that Allah will punish everyone. This means that not taking action against wrongdoing might lead to consequences for everyone.

A group of companions went to Abyssinia during the migration, and the Prophet SAW said, tell me the strangest thing you saw in Abyssinia. So a group of them said, Ya Rasulullah, one day we were sitting, and one of the nuns, or one of the elderly nuns, was walking by, and she had a jug of water on her head. A young man walked up to her, put his hand right on her chest, and shoved her. And so she fell to her knees, and the water jug broke. And the man laughed at her, and no one did anything about it. So they let this young man bully this elderly woman, and no one did anything about it. And the sahaba said that the woman said to him, “How will it be, O foolish young man, on the day of judgment, when Allah brings the first and the last of His creation, and Allah judges between us, you will then know of your situation and my situation. How will it be?”

So the Prophet SAW said, sadaqat, sadaqat, sadaqat, she told the truth, she told the truth, she told the truth. How can Allah honor an ummah that does not protect its vulnerable from its strong ones, from its powerful ones, that does not protect the weak from being exploited by the powerful of that society? The Prophet SAW didn't blame the young man alone. Who did he blame? The society. He blamed the society that normalized that type of behavior, which made it okay for that young man to feel like he could go up to that old woman and push her and not be held accountable. It's society's fault that allows that. It's not just the young man's fault. The young man is the product of a facilitating institution.

Aisha RA says that I asked the Prophet SAW, “Will we be destroyed and we have righteous people amongst us?” He said, Yes if filth is made rampant. Ibn Hajar says Filth is al maasi, filth refers to sins as a whole. The ones that are ugliest, the nastiest, the ones that are most base, and the ones that represent the worst of immorality. So the Prophet SAW said, “Even if you have righteous people amongst you, if those things are allowed to thrive without anyone saying anything about them, then everyone suffers as a result of them.”

Silence is considered wrong, or haram, under three specific conditions. Firstly, when you are absolutely certain that something is evil, this means having no doubt about the wrongdoing you wish to address or correct. Sometimes, you might not fully understand the situation, or you might not be in a position to know all the facts. Reflect on the example of Musa (AS), who assumed something without having all the information. So, the first condition for silence being haram is when you are certain about the facts of something.

Secondly, silence becomes haram when you are sure that the wrongdoing has occurred. In the Quran, it advises believers to verify information when a wicked person brings news to them. This means it's not about rumors, gossip, or hearsay, but about having first-hand testimony or strong evidence that the act has truly taken place.

The third condition is that there is a greater likelihood that speaking up will help eliminate or reduce the wrongdoing. If there's a good chance that your words can make a positive impact in removing or lessening the evil, then keeping silent becomes inappropriate.

So, speak the truth! Do not remain silent. In whatever capacity you can, but speak.

[omennatural]

Coffee theory & the hate it elicits

I recently saw someone discuss coffee theory and had literally come to the conclusion that it's a disservice to Aziraphale as a character, minimizing his complexity. Their words, a bit shortened, but still.

(If you don't know what coffee theory is, girl where have you been? Take a look here, you're in for a treat. Or Aziraphale was, maybe. )

I, wholeheartedly, disagree with this. We can debate coffee theory's validity as far as whether it happened or not, I certainly will get into that, but when has vulnerability cheapened the complexity of a character? I daresay it adds complexity? And I don't think you can separate the conversation of Aziraphale's complexity in relation to coffee theory without talking about what happened there. On the assumption now that his coffee was miracled, I don't think that was all it was. The Metatron manipulated Aziraphale, the link goes into the different ways in which they bridge the gap between rank, importance, status, to include not just Aziraphale, but Crowley, making Aziraphale more comfortable, more receptive, and the things they said to him.

And if coffee theory is wrong, I have two things to say, one being that Aziraphale was so heavily manipulated, The Metatron pulled his strings in such a way that was clearly very effective and that it worked to where we see him doing the very things he was literally willing to kill a child over in the first season (there's no sugar-coating that, he pulled the trigger on the thundergun and was intending to kill Adam Young to prevent armageddon), and if that's not vulnerability then I don't know what is. And secondly, what the fuck was the point of the coffee for? The show only has six episodes, Neil isn't just putting emphasis on "does anyone ask for death" and the specifics of a coffee, the insistence he drink the coffee, for fucking funsies. There's a reason.

The question is just, was it miracled, or was it a physical sweetener to bridge the gap between himself, an angel so important that what is said to him is said to God, and an angel labeled as a traitor.

I'm describing what happens to Aziraphale as vulnerability because I really think that's what it is. He's vulnerable because he's a victim of Heaven, of the morally gray acts carried out in God's name (Job, I'm lookin at you buddy), he lies to thwart the will of God because he knows what God commanded wasn't right, not in his moral compass. He's vulnerable to manipulation, most people are. I mean look at how Shax coaxed a semi-confirmation of Gabriel's whereabouts out of him in Edinburgh. A strong character, someone who is only strong, who cannot fail or fall short, is flat. One dimensional. But Aziraphale makes mistakes, sways one way and sways back the other way, he learns from (some) of his mistakes. He's so complex, an angel whose been fraternizing with a demon for a millennia because he's the only kindred spirit, because this demon isn't the black to the white, he's also gray, he's flawed and a little bit at heart a good person despite being cast from Heaven and deemed unforgivable in God's eyes. He's selfish, charitable, pissy but kind, he's withdrawn yet completely open, he's gluttonous, he covets, he judges and lies and he tempts humans when Crowley can't be bothered to do it himself. Aziraphale is the absolute most hypocritical character this show has simply because he's what we get most of, the most of his supposed virtues and his real sins. And I love him so dearly much. So yeah, being vulnerable to just base manipulation from The Metatron wouldn't be surprising, he gave Aziraphale a lot of big headlines in his new job title, made the gig sound too sweet to pass up, hoping he couldn't see the fine print. And he knew Crowley would, he knew no matter what that Crowley would refuse. He knew what would happen and he wanted to separate them, because if Aziraphale separates from Crowley, he's that much easier to sink the claws of Heaven into.

But, why not physically, too? On the basis of coffee theory being true, why can't Aziraphale being literally vulnerable to a miracle of Heaven? We see miracles being performed on angels a few times. For the love of God, Aziraphale and Crowley literally put up a no-Gabe blocker that clearly worked on every single occult and ethereal being it came across. Crowley getting up on the chair to touch the border seemed to signify it was a physical thing localized to the bookshop premises (outside included, for the Gabe giving himself up to Shax point), that Gabe needed to be in there. I wonder if he left, would it have still worked? Or if not localized to the bookshop, is the forcefield on him?That seems like a good inbox question for Neil. But the point is, the miracle, though a large one popping off at 25 Lazarii (forgive me if that's off, I'm referencing my brain and am not going back to check), but it worked on everyone. Is it because it was so powerful? As The Metatron, I would his miracles could be that powerful, to affect Aziraphale in a sort of drugged, made compliant and receptive manner to ideas/The Metatron's will. Which, that, is a whole other post.

But no, being vulnerable physically or emotionally isn't a disservice to a character, it adds to their complexity. Because yes, Aziraphale could make the bad decision to go to Heaven on his own, no miracle influence needed, realize how wrong it was and fix it, but he made the choice to drink the coffee anyway without any help. In a way without the miracle, he fucked up. He shouldn't have taken the coffee, he shouldn't have assumed it was harmless. Heaven has done enough up to this point, he said he'd made his position very clear, but immediately took a step toward a line of relatability by taking the damn coffee. That in itself was The Metatron manipulating Aziraphale, the beginnings of "oh, I've ingested things too, it's alright, it's not as bad as you think it is" and he fell for it. He began giving Aziraphale the thing he's wanted for thousands of years–that the way he is isn't bad, it's not worthy of falling, that he's right, not to belong on the side of Hell because Aziraphale still believes in goodness and love and everything Heaven is supposed to be, and what Aziraphale wants is to not be worth falling, while still making morally correct choices to help and bless humanity. He wants to be right for himself, but the only person he sees himself in is Crowley and that scares him, scared the hell out of him after Job, didn't it?

He doesn't have to make the mistake of Heaven on his own to be complex, he's hitting his low, all good characters have them–a point where they're making all the bad choices. And wouldn't it be something for his character arc to have to be strong to fight whatever that could be becausse he's not got Crowley by his side. He hit a low with Job, but what's lower than being so foolish as to accept Metatron's offer simply because Heaven, the archangels, The Metatron, they can't be trusted and Aziraphale thinks that The Metatron, the angel whose existence seems to be intertwined with God, would surely know God's will and him behind the wheel would be a big chance for change, and we all know Heaven dearly needs it. This is a new low, a low without friends surrounded by falsities and being manipulated. He's gotten himself into a bad situation, or he's been scooted along into it. Either way, he's gonna have to grow and dig his way out of it.

Do I believe in coffee theory? I like to think so yes, but also no.

I think the cup matters too much to be ignored, the sound, it being in the title sequence.

But I also think what if it was just a manipulation tactic.

But it almost seems as though Aziraphale almost says no before he leaves the bookshop, like he's taking his decision to go back.

But then I remember how Michael almost seemed to recognize Gabriel under the cloaking miracle and how everyone got a heavy dose of Jane Austen at the ball, but Nina seemed to wonder what the fuck was happening more than anyone else, like some powerful/strong wills can resist miracles more than other.

And I think of how easily he tried to leave the bookshop behind before Crowley kissed him and left and he had to face actually leaving, the same guy who was going to shoot a brick at a child and kill them so he could continue eating sushi and pretending he wasn't in love with a demon in a shop with painted walls the same color as those demon's eyes.

I may need more time on whether or not I believe in it or not, but I certainly don't agree with the opinion that it's a disservice to Aziraphale, to take away his choice.

Heaven doesn't give you choices.

Not when you're acting on the will of God.

[die-mitri]

Some Pre-DvK2 Bakugou Analysis!

Word count: ~4,100 (sorry lol, TL;DR at bottom)

Reading time: ~15 minutes

Note: I made lots of words bold, italicized, or colored and with a lot of paragraph breaks to make this more readable for the bitches with ADHD out there. I see y'all and I can't read either. Sorry if this makes it harder to read for others 🤷🏽

I'm in the process of trying to start a bkdk fanfic and make it as in-character as possible by trying to relate to the characters and get in their heads. While I relate heavily to Bakugou, he's also a character that's very hard to understand.

What I mean is that I relate to a lot of Bakugou's base instincts and thought patterns, but the things he gets upset about in-canon make little sense to me. To try to get into his head I've had to do a deep dive on myself and all the things I've been upset about in a similar way he has been, as well as to understand why I've felt justified acting so similar to him. Considering most people act in ways they feel justified in, I need to analyze what about Izuku would make me so bothered by him, that I would treat him the way Bakugou does. If I can tap into that feeling and try to distort my thinking and apply it to his specific situation, then I’ll have an easier time writing this mostly canon-compliant fic.

I'm gonna use myself as a reference for his behavior and will be talking about a time when I was much a worse person. I've since grown a lot and realized how wrong I was, so please keep that in mind and try not to judge 12-15 year old me too harshly. The stories I use will have fake names for the people involved to help you keep track of them.

None of this is meant to justify the way Bakugou treated Izuku, and is only meant to try to understand why he did it in a more relatable/realistic, less anime-dramatic nonsense way. Mostly, so I can replicate his thought process for accurate fic writing.

I'm gonna address this analysis in 5 different bits: fear, anger, pride/shame, building a persona, and the conclusion.

Let's go!

FEAR!

Bakugou struggles with being seen as weak/incapable. It's DIFFERENT from his superiority complex... Although connected.

It's my belief (backed up by canon) that Bakugou's relationship with his mom has affected his perception of strength and worth; and that because of her, he's attached his identity to his strength, which he felt made him more secure and better than other people. To be weak, is to be pathetic, is to be humiliated. To be clear, I don't think he did this consciously. It was just that kind of thing that seeped into the way he thought and because of it, he tried to fortify himself against any and all vulnerability. Which leads to the bullying/ “Better to hunt than be hunted” mentality. As well as his black and white thinking. If his way is right, everyone else’s must be wrong and anything that challenges his limited world view is a threat to his very being. If his strength doesn’t matter, or isn’t the best, then who is he? That’s a scary thought to me too.

It's a similar story with me, just switch the parent. My dad is a man of principle and one of his principles is that you should not be a pussy and always be the smartest person in the room. I attached my identity to being right all the time and always standing my ground. I’m sure you can guess how fun I was at parties.

So I refused to let others see when I'd actually been hurt and hated the idea of being seen as pathetic or weak. I also couldn't accept that I needed help sometimes. I wanted to be unshakable and plow through everything. 

A ridiculous outcome of that, is that I used to hate apologies in any direction. "Don't apologize to me, I don't need your help getting over this. I won't apologize to you bc that means I was thinking about feeling bad about what I did and you can't know that." 

In truth, I didn't mind being wrong, just looking like I cared. 

That’s the heart of it. I cared a lot less about the values I had, and a lot more about how scared I was to be seen not fulfilling them. It’s embarrassing.

Another, much stupider example of this in my life is that I hate being babied. Even by people who look up to me or respect me as equals.

Once at summer camp I had some friends fuss over me about something. I can't even remember what it was anymore, probably wearing sunscreen. I just got so upset. I was like "I'm not a fucking kid, I can take care of myself. Don't try to help me bc there's no reason I'd ever need help." In retrospect it was seriously not a big deal, and they're both friends that I love dearly, but my own issues with having people take care of me got in the way of me perceiving their affection like a normal human being.

Bakugou is the same about needing help and would rather die/lose than be seen as pathetic/vulnerable. Like he said during their dual exam that not even having the choice to destroy himself in order to have control win would be unbearable. If his strength isn’t enough on its own, then he is not enough.

I think this particular issue is made worse by his poor impulse control in regards to Izuku... (With everything else, he's very calculated, which I talk about more in the "creating a persona" section).

In general, I think Bakugou is just very scared/uneasy about his place in the world (that he’s not enough or that he’s been wrong the whole time [see: kacchan vs deku part 2]) and he covers it up with…:

ANGER!

Bakugou doesn't have a hard time not just being mean, but being cruel. There's little hesitation in going for the throat when it comes to insults and mind games. The same goes for me BUT only when I really dislike someone.

There was one time I was mean to some kid who was weird and pushy with me because he thought I was cool. He was not a bad guy, he just couldn't take a hint and wouldn't leave me alone. Let’s call him Liam. One day Liam made some joke and no one in class laughed. He said something like "tough crowd", and without hesitation I told him he just wasn't funny. It's not exactly bullying, but he probably felt bad about that for a bit.

It was mean tho, right? I did it cuz at the time I just wanted Liam to dislike me enough that he'd leave me alone. Sounds familiar, huh?

It was not the first or last time I acted like that. I want to highlight that I did these things feeling justified (even though I probably wasn't), which is the key component to understanding why Bakugou was so mean to Izuku in the beginning. It wasn't so much about power, as it was about getting Izuku to leave him alone for good. To get somewhere he didn't have to worry about being bothered by him ever again and follow his dream at the same time. You know, like UA? The last possible place you'd find someone without a quirk?

I think it needs to be made INCREDIBLY clear that Bakugou sees Izuku as a fundamentally different person than we, the fandom, do.

To him, Izuku was some weirdo who wouldn't leave him alone, made him feel nervous/stupid, was generally uncool and annoying, and acted like he was better than him. (let’s not forget that Izuku was quite the stalker for a while??) It doesn't matter how wrong Bakugou was, Izuku still made him feel that way and that's a good enough reason to try to get someone to leave you the fuck alone. I know I would. I mean I literally have.

There were multiple kids at my school who freaked me out/ made me uncomfortable and I wasted no time in getting them to fuck off as quickly as possible. I'm sure most of us have similar stories and definitely seemed like one of the bad guys from their point of view. (Especially given that a lot of these annoying kids were probably well-intentioned and just made you uncomfortable)

The following stories are unnecessary to understand my point, but I just wanted to tell them. Feel free to skip over it.

There was one kid in my grade who was around me a lot. Let’s call him Isaac. We walked home the same way and had a few classes together. There were two times I remember getting annoyed enough with him to actually snap at him.

One time was when Isaac tried to hide behind me in a gym class during dodgeball and he touched my shoulder or something. So I turned around and shoved him to the ground and told him not to touch me. He slid on his ass for a sec. I'm sure he was a bit embarrassed and looking back, it was mean. I could have just asked him not to do that politely.

The other time I remember, we were in science class and we were always sat at the same table because the teacher said I was best at handling the "annoying kids" (which is kinda a crazy thing to say to another student). Regardless, Isaac wouldn't stop talking and just overall bothering me. I might be misremembering this part, but I'm pretty sure he had come behind my chair and touched my shoulders again. So I got up and yelled at him. I told him to leave me the fuck alone and stop being weird. My teacher came to check up on me, not him. Asked if I was okay and if I needed help to beat someone up (jokingly ofc). But maybe I was the bad guy here. I could have asked a teacher to reseat me or told Isaac he was making me uncomfortable, but I didn't. I did what would make him leave me alone the fastest. And he did after that. For the most part at least. We still ran into each other on the walk home and would make conversation. Isaac annoyed me, but I didn't hate him, I wasn't close enough to him to. HOWEVER, had he been annoying me since I was FOUR?? I'd probably beat his goofy ass up just like Bakugou did.

AND If I found out later that he was like secretly the president's son and was only letting me push him around to hide his identity? Not only would I be mad, I'd feel so fucking stupid and embarrassed. AND IF HE FOLLOWED THAT UP WITH SOME BULLSHIT LIKE: “no, no, I was only recently adopted by the president bc I'm destined for a future greater than yours.” Are you kidding me??? I'd fuck some shit up. Punch some walls or somethin.

Like what makes you of all people think you’re better than me? You’re just some kid with ideas of grandeur. Get away from me or get hit bitch. 

I'm not saying Bakugou's right, only that I get it. He uses anger to cover up all the feelings that make him feel unsafe/uncomfortable/embarrassed. As do I. Annndddd a lot of it is about… (say it with me…)

PRIDE & SHAME!

The infamous superiority/inferiority complex. This is mostly spelled out for you in canon, so I’ll only talk about the parts that interest me the most.

We already know Bakugou doesn't like being looked down on. It enrages him. It's a pride thing. Pride is inherently attached to shame. You care less about using pride to cover up your shame the less shame you have to cover up.

No matter how hard he tries, Bakugou can't be all he expects of himself. He cares that the anger he uses to hide his discomfort makes people dislike him. He's embarrassed that he cares at all and it makes him feel like he's weak. Only a loser would let that get in their way... That vulnerability eats him up and makes him feel stupid and it all becomes a circle.

Gotta be strong > uses force to exert his strength > ppl dislike him for it > he feels hurt > he shouldn't care what they think > need to get stronger to handle it.

THEN he lost to Izuku several times, got kidnapped, AM lost his powers because Bakugou needed saving, and failed to get his hero license.  (AND HIS MOM PICKS ON HIM ABOUT IT WHICH DOESN'T HELP) He had to reckon with the fact that his way is wrong. But he's so caught up with attaching himself to the part, that it's very hard to let go. He'd have to change his entire world view and identity.

This post discusses the way he reckons with the cognitive dissonance that comes with his strength having nothing to do with what’s “right”. I'm a really big fan of the concept of Bakugou trying to use his physical strength/lack thereof, to make sense of his emotional weaknesses and lapses in logic.

I didn't want to cheap out on you and leave you without an embarrassing personal story for this bit, so I really had to dig for a story mostly about pride/shame because I feel like this section is mostly about what causes the fear and anger. Pride/shame is a common denominator rather than its own point… but here I go anyway.

When I was 14 I made my math teacher cry. She was kinda a bitch and deserved it a little bit, but I still feel kinda bad in retrospect.

I’ve always been a shit student, which didn’t bode well with the whole “smartest person in the room” deal. It was embarrassing to know that it didn’t matter how smart I was, I could never sit still and think long enough to finish my school work. And yeah, you bet my dad made me feel like an idiot for it. So I took some of it out on my teacher. 

It felt justified making her cry because she had always had it out for me. She was rude the moment I walked in the door, she refused to sit me up front so I was never able to read the board, she resented us because she wanted to teach the “smart” kids, and she always made sure to tell me how much I sucked in front of the whole class.

Now the thing about being the rowdy annoying student (especially in the lower level classes) is that most of the kids in class agreed with you. The teachers normally assume the worst about lower level students and were complete dicks, so you can be sure there was almost always animosity and distrust in class. Every time I gave a snarky response or talked over her, I was met with snickers and fist bumps. Maybe she, my Dad, my shame made me feel stupid, but the attention from the kids in my class sure fed my ego.

As bad as I feel for making her cry, I still tell the story with pride. She didn’t break me, I broke her. 5 years later and it still feels good to know that I walked away mostly unscathed, and she quit her job. I was so sick of feeling stupid, but I still do, otherwise the story wouldn’t feel so good to tell. It might not be a thing I’d do to a teacher ever again, but that doesn’t mean I don’t wish I could sometimes. Shame is more powerful than the shield of pride; and both of them are nasty habits.

I think pride and shame would be the hardest traits for Bakugou to let go of. Truthfully, I don’t think he will ever fully abandon those traits. They’re fundamental to his character and are the driving force behind his pursuit of being the number one hero. Which is also a primary factor in what pushes both Bakugou and Izuku to grow as heroes. They wouldn't be themselves without it.

Conversely, part of what drives them to grow as people is Bakugou being honest and letting go of…  

THE MASK HE MADE!

Perfectionism, control, and the persona he created...

There’s the way that Bakugou is and the way he wants to believe he is.

Most of fans think of bkg as the person he wants to believe he is. This fake version of him is undeniably strong, laughs in the face of danger and hurdles, is mean without regard because he doesn’t care what anyone thinks of him, and knows EXACTLY what he wants.

Let’s talk about the mask I made which I'm just starting to let go of.

I’ve run away two times in my life. Once when I was 12 because I hated my life, and the other time when I was 17 and wanted to make my dad angry and worried. Both of them had to do with fear, anger, pride, and shame. But both were done to break away from the mask I made. 

The first time was done because I was scared I’d be stuck with my Mom and siblings forever, always taking care of everyone and managing all the emotions in the house. I was angry that it was all my job and I had to do it all alone. I was an idiot to think I could handle the world alone as a runaway but I was impulsive and stupid. I wanted to be seen as a loose canon. Too often – and because I had gone out of my way to be seen as such, I was seen as dependable; like I could just keep taking the pressure and never crack. None of it was true. I was scared and weak and I was collapsing under the weight of my family’s problems. So I took everything and left. I just finally wanted my Mom to see that I wasn’t okay. In the end, it didn’t work, so I moved away from it to live with my Dad… Which caused its own set of issues.

The second time I ran away was the day of my high school graduation. I hardly got any days to celebrate myself. Including my birthdays, which were often excuses for my Mom and sibling to invite their own friends over. Once my birthday was forgotten all together. All that to say, I was excited to have a day for myself. As I’m sure you can guess, the day didn’t go as planned and I was sidelined for the entirety of it. When I finally got home, I went to vent to my Dad about it which didn’t go well. To summarize, he told me I was pathetic and dramatic. So I was like “Fine. Clearly no one here gives a shit about me. I’ll just leave without a word.” So I left the house, called a friend for a sleeping bag, and set up shop between a garage and some train tracks for a night.

My intentions are still a bit unclear to me, but from what I remember, It was fear that I truly wasn’t cared about, anger for all that I had lost in order to protect the mask, and shame that I thought they’d care; as well as the fact that I was hurt by how little they cared. Above all, I wanted to make my family feel bad for pushing me to the point that I thought that running away would be the only thing that got to them. It didn't. I came home the next day and no one said anything.

I had given so much energy trying to be steadfast, confident, strong, but on the two occasions I had broken those patterns no one noticed or even really cared. It put me in a weird position. Was I just supposed to give up on those things? Live my life in accordance with my true feelings? It seemed nothing mattered and in the end I did little to change.

Change I certainly did though. I gave up trying to be emotional support for my parents. I started to voice my true feelings a bit (only a little bit) more often. I even stopped trying to act any specific way in front of my family. 

Despite all that change, however minor in outward appearance, It’s not like I had let go of those values. I just reevaluated how I interacted with them. I'm still steadfast, I know what I want for my life and plan on letting nothing get in the way. I’m confident that what I’m doing will be best for me, instead of good for maintaining a persona of strength, and now I try to put the anger into standing up for myself and my truth. 

In all honesty, It’ll never stop hurting me that no one cared when I tried to show them the truth about how I felt. And I’m not sure I’ll ever stop being embarrassed that I care what they think. I still want to believe that I’m above everyone and above feeling sorry for myself, but I’m not. I’m a hurt kid who’s slowly figuring out how to live with it and become a better person.

The best parallel I can pull here is Deku vs. Kacchan 2. Bakugou’s been holding a lot of feelings in for a very long time and a huge part of his mask is hiding his true feelings. It’s true that he shows anger, but that’s part of his mask, not a crack in it. During this whole scene he’s using anger to cover up his pain and self-doubt. Just the fact that it’s a fight instead of a conversation proves this. 

Bakugou choosing to have this fight was a call for help. He needed Izuku and All Might to see that he wasn’t holding it together as well as they thought he was. This was like me running away in that it was a drastic, desperate attempt to escape the mask all while giving himself enough leeway to come back to it if he felt too vulnerable with his newfound freedom.

As a side note, I think that Bakugou sees maintaining his mask in front of Izuku as most important. To the point where he'll let himself get hurt/hurt people he normally wouldn't want to in order to keep up the performance. Izuku is the last person he wants to let see all the vulnerabilities and if getting beat to shit/spewing the most hateful things he could think of will make sure Izuku never sees them, then it's what bkg must do. (which is why the impalement and apology are so important to bkg letting his walls down)

In MHA, as well as in my life, leaving behind the persona you made takes a long time and a lot of baby steps. It’s humiliating and terrifying. I’m not sure if all of you quite understand the amount of trust Bakugou is putting in Izuku following DvK2. To Bakugou, he felt like he had bore his soul to Izuku with the intention of marking this as the beginning of his attempt to become better – as a hero AND a person. 

I see DvK2 as the first major step they took together towards reconciliation, friendship, and eventually, love.

IN CONCLUSION 

Bakugou made a loud and abrasive personality to hide his insecurities and fear. While he tried his best to maintain it, it became an impossible feat once he finally had to face that he wasn’t as strong as he thought. His rigidity, once his superpower, became is downfall. He used his fight with Izuku to break from the persona he trapped himself in, and in taking his first step away from his mask, he started a new journey to become a better person for himself and for Izuku.

TL;DR

I used personal, embarrassing stories that reminded me of Bakugou in order to pull back the curtains and try to make sense of the way Bakugou behaves in a way that's less dramatic and hopefully easier to relate to. The reason he's bitchy is that he’s a bit delusional. But me too bitch. I hope you all see him as a bit more relatable now :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This was the first of ~4 character analyses, as I want to cover what Bakugou and Izuku would need to change about themselves in order for them to fall in love with each other. As it stands, there’s very little the people in the stories I used as reference could do to make me respect them enough to consider an actual friendship with them, much less love. I’ll have to do a lot of speculation once I get there (which you’ll be able to read here once I’ve written them), but it’s the best I could do, seeing as I didn’t know these people well or long enough to have stories to speak confidently of in the following analyses.

[androgynarcissus]

you know i think what i find the most truly haunting about the second vincent's whole story arc is the fact that he is so separated from his obviously more beloved counterpart and it shows so clearly even if he was never that aware of it.

nearly everyone around him had met clyde and treated him accordingly: assuming things that he wasn't a part of, becoming puzzled as to why he was acting differently, etc. i feel like there was a distinct sense of alienation that showed each time an interaction like this happened, and his confusion and often frustration felt palpable as people kept alluding to this person who wasn't him, and it only grew increasingly uncomfortable to be judged based on people's perceptions of not-him. this is especially so considering how much he clearly believed in presenting himself so intricately and how that slowly started to unravel as it was rendered useless by anyone who claims to have met him before.

and don't get me started on the underlying notion that of his usefulness; there was always a sense that he was going to die, even if he never had a full enough view of the situation to put the pieces together. as soon as he stepped onto the page, it was instantly clear that he wasn't sticking around for very long, both due to his self-concerned tendencies and attitude and his place in the story. the reader would have already been aware of the extremely specific problem clyde was facing, and it would only be a matter of time until this perfect vessel could be put to use. his entrance following the whole deal that clyde needed a body was a slap in the face; who could be better to inhabit than a perfect copy of your previous self? he was introduced as a character you were meant to recognize as tragic, which made his journey all the more effective knowing his fate and dreading what would eventually, inevitably come to pass. he was introduced specifically to die, and you have to just hold your breath for every second waiting for it to happen.

and all of this makes me look back upon how it ended, which makes me utterly sick to my stomach every time i think about it. he was so ignorant of everything that was going on around him, making him such a vulnerable target among pre-established characters who had a sense of what goes on in the circus. he fell into every trap he could, going in blind and arrogant and untouched by dangers he was completely separated from in the real world. maybe he was lucky, managing to find company with nene/aphro and mell, who could at least steer him on the right path, but he was truly blind to whatever could have happened until it was too late to be taken back.

and what really gets me is the fact that he ended up so truly alone. by the time he'd stumbled out of the maze and into the jaws of the beast once more, he was both physically and socially completely alienated from everything around him. the people searching for him didn't even particularly like him, and one of them specifically knew the connotations of his presence in reference to clyde- who knows what would've happened if they were present during the last bit! he'd lost his primary means of communication and a distinct part of his identity, something that must have been so dehumanizing on his end along with the fact that he couldn't even express his grief in a properly cathartic way. the fact that he was physically by himself in the theater hall just hammers in how alone he was. his breakdown was suffocating, having to manage how overwhelming it all was and be effectively unrecognized through it all, so insignificant to the passive observer because of his lack of sound and to anyone aware of his situation because they already had the sense that he was doomed. nothing worked in his favor, and nothing could have because of the sheer separation from humanity he was faced with as soon as he stepped foot through the gates. and his grief was so palpable because of that, only exponentially worse because he didn't know what was going on. he might've realized a little too late what was so dangerous about the circus, but he never got to know how condemned he was in the first place.

and in the end, i think clyde knew that. i think he understood- if only through catching a glimpse of the end result, sharing his sorrow and passion and hopelessness -how isolated he must have felt, even if he was always meant to kill him in the end.

[rockislandadultreads]

Nonfiction Recommendations: Mental Health Awareness Month

Emotional Labor by Rose Hackman

We’re tired. A stranger insists you “smile more,” even as you navigate a high-stress environment or grating commute. A mother is expected to oversee every last detail of domestic life. A nurse works on the front line, worried about her own health, but has to put on a brave face for her patients. A young professional is denied promotion for being deemed abrasive instead of placating her boss. Nearly every day, we find ourselves forced to edit our emotions to accommodate and elevate the emotions of others. Too many of us are asked to perform this exhausting, draining work at no extra cost, especially if we’re women or people of color.

Emotional labor is essential to our society and economy, but it’s so often invisible. In this groundbreaking, journalistic deep dive, Rose Hackman shares the stories of hundreds of women, tracing the history of this kind of work and exposing common manifestations of the phenomenon. But Hackman doesn’t simply diagnose a problem—she empowers us to combat this insidious force and forge pathways for radical evolution, justice, and change.

You, Happier by Daniel G. Amen

Happiness is a brain function. With a healthier brain always comes a happier life.

After studying more than 200,000 brain scans of people from 155 countries, Dr. Amen has discovered five primary brain types and seven neuroscience secrets that influence happiness. In You, Happier, he explains them and offers practical, science-based strategies for optimizing your happiness. Dr. Amen will teach you how to

discover your brain type based on your personality and create happiness strategies best suited to you;

improve your overall brain health to consistently enhance your mood;

protect your happiness by distancing yourself from the "noise" in your head; and

make seven simple decisions and ask seven daily questions to enhance your happiness.

Creating consistent happiness is a daily journey. In You, Happier, Dr. Amen walks you through neuroscience-based habits, rituals, and choices that will boost your mood and help you live each day with clearly defined values, purpose, and goals.

Emotional First Aid by Guy Winch

Although we have bandages for cuts, chicken soup for colds, and ice packs for bruises, most of us have no idea how to treat day-to-day emotional injuries such as failure, rejection, and loss. But, as Guy Winch, Ph.D., points out, these kinds of emotional injuries often get worse when left untreated and can significantly impact our quality of life. In this fascinating and highly practical book he provides the emotional first aid treatments we have been lacking.

Explaining the long-term fallout that can result from seemingly minor emotional and psychological injuries, Dr. Winch offers concrete, easy-to-use exercises backed up by hard cutting-edge science to aid in recovery. He uses relatable anecdotes about real patients he has treated over the years and often gives us a much needed dose of humor as well.

What Happened to You? by Bruce D. Perry & Oprah Winfrey

Have you ever wondered "Why did I do that?" or "Why can't I just control my behavior?" Others may judge our reactions and think, "What's wrong with that person?" When questioning our emotions, it's easy to place the blame on ourselves; holding ourselves and those around us to an impossible standard. It's time we started asking a different question.

Through deeply personal conversations, Oprah Winfrey and renowned brain and trauma expert Dr. Bruce Perry offer a groundbreaking and profound shift from asking “What’s wrong with you?” to “What happened to you?”

Here, Winfrey shares stories from her own past, understanding through experience the vulnerability that comes from facing trauma and adversity at a young age. In conversation throughout the book, she and Dr. Perry focus on understanding people, behavior, and ourselves. It’s a subtle but profound shift in our approach to trauma, and it’s one that allows us to understand our pasts in order to clear a path to our future—opening the door to resilience and healing in a proven, powerful way.

[raviosprovidence]

I posted this rant in discord already so if you have seen it, you have. But recently, I got a ps5. And I got ff16, which is my first final fantasy game ever. The only things I know about it are from two of my very close friends who do play final fantasy. And while I haven't beaten the game, I noticed something about the story that sort of rubbed me the wrong way.

Spoilers for FF16 under the cut, and try not to spoil too much for me since I haven't beaten the game yet.

So this whole story is about freeing the world from magic, and the struggle of bearers being oppressed for using magic. So why the fuck aren't there any actual important bearer characters in the story? Most of them are just npc's who either die horribly to make the bad guys look more bad/make the good guys feel bad, or random questgivers who ask Clive to do shit and are miserable in the world

My friend pointed out that this is a story more about fate and whatever but then why include an entire plot about freeing an oppressed people from their shackles? It feels like the bearers aren't even important in their own quest to freedom. I know they're not supposed to be that powerful so most of the important players are Eikons, but we couldn't have one or two npc bearers we can fight alongside? There are even more important, normal humans along side clive and crew! It's good to show that there are humans who don't agree with people's treatment of bearers, but where are the bearers in their fight for freedom???? Sure, we get that once scene in the desert lands where they tell Clive off for making things worse for them, but they're portrayed as "poor, oppressed people who don't know what's good for them".

It makes it even more complicated when Clive was marked as a bearer when he isn't one. Sure, he's treated awfully in the first part of the game, but he's not really oppressed. Nope. He's super special and important. it's kind of difficult to nail down the name of this sort of trope so I can't say how popular it is, but it isn't the first time I've seen it. There are much smarter people out there who have probably spoken about how this sort of trope is problematic, but I digress.

This whole plot element makes it feel like we're supposed to hate those being bigoted towards Clive, but because they're actually wrong and he's a lord that is blessed by phoenix. He's not actually a bearer, so all the ire towards him is unjustified because of that. It's like those Dhar Mann skits where people are mean to poor people but surprise! those poor people are actually rich people in disguise. so the message for both is telling you "don't judge a book by its cover" rather than "oppressed/vulnerable people deserve respect too".

Not to mention this revolution is being led by eikons, people who are revered and to be loved, rather than...the oppressed people. That also feels very steven universe-y with the whole pink diamond thing of "pretending to be the oppressed class in order to leave a revolution." It's obvously not the same, since Clive's circumstances were much different, but at the base level, they are very similar.

So those are my thoughts! Feel free to reblog/comment because i definitely want to see people's different opinions on this

[rhube]

Possibly the worst take I have ever seen. Quite apart from the WHOLE RANT I want to make about how behavioural therapy is literally what you give people when you can't or won't invest in mental health treatment, because it's cheap (and often ineffective of even damaging)... USING AI... TO VIOLATE YOUR MENTAL HEALTH PRIVACY... and potentially JUDGE MENTAL HEALTH BASED ON FUCKIN' TWEETS... to decide how to treat/manage the most vulnerable people.

It is a fucking nightmare scenario and I want OUT OF THIS HELL HOLE.

The things people want to do with AI are so much worse that we ever imagined.

I'm looking at my 50,000 word unfinished android novel and thinking I need to throw the whole thing out, because humans are gonna do things SO MUCH WORSE with AI than I ever dreamed.

Stop the world, I want to get off.

[collectionoftulips]

I loved hearing your process around Chapter 4 for the Strictly AU - I did think Anthony’s reaction was quite extreme to get into his thoughts was interesting.

Will there be much fall out with the producers? I’m a big Strictly fan, and a pairing shouting at each other feels like something that could leak to the press, but also I would imagine people stepping into make sure everyone was safe.

There was a thing years ago with Anton (now a judge) and a partner who he said a racist slur to and made cry over something else. Obviously Anthony hasn’t been racist, and we understand his thoughts but in terms of what it looks like to the outside . . . A man shouting at a woman for seemingly no reason

I get his frustration to an extent as it’s hard to form a partnership with someone who is closed off to you, but I imagine some of their journey to being better is learning that? Not to mention spending 12 hours together most days of the week (I think some dance every day) is always going to create closeness, hence the strictly curse being so common haha

As someone who doesn't really have a temper at all, I agree that his reaction seemed at least by my own behavioural baseline very extreme, but in my experience, at least for the people I've met in my life with the kind of hotheadedness that Anthony has, they keep so much bottled up that sometimes they just snap and react at seemingly small things, so that was what I was going for. Plus, with Anthony's fear of vulnerability and just general adherence patriarchal norms, he hasn't really developed healthy ways of expressing himself and his emotions (which I'm not offering as an excuse, rather to explain why I wrote it the way I did).

He didn't really outright yell at her very loudly (but maybe I wrote that really badly), so I think it wasn't fully seen by producers at the time, but other contestants surely noticed it and there will be (spoiler alert, I guess) some conversations with Kate, but ultimately he's not going to be reprimanded by producers (but he will get a warning). It will however affect his relationship with Kate a fair bit, especially going into the first live performance.

All of this is definitely to serve an overall journey in their relationship. The way I see it, Kate isn't really that closed off, but Anthony can tell that she's holding back and treating him a bit at an arm's distance, and why that frustrates him is because he does like her, so he's just kinda craving that closeness that he's never really had with anyone before but can see with Kate. Anthony also by the nature of his job is a little bit more gregarious while Kate is a bit more in her own head and very protective of her heart.

The Strictly curse is so definitely a thing and it's so incredibly understandable. I also think that amount of hours really allows you to see so many different sides to a person in a way you wouldn't really under other circumstances - you will share joy, sadness, hardship, stress, anger, frustration and every emotion in between, and partly what's kinda underlying my philosophy of this story. I'm kinda interested in the idea that, for example, Kate more or less doesn't bother hiding her flaws etc in the hope that it will push Anthony away; but it is those flaws that Anthony appreciates about her, and some of them he shares as well. I, in general, quite like romances where the romance doesn't flourish from these idealised constructions of who the other person is, but romance that is based on very clear, level-headed understandings of who the other person is, and I think that very much informs how I write this ship (in non-toxic ways of course, I'm not one of those 'love conquers everything!' kind of people).

(I didn't know this thing about Anton, really not great of him. I'm fairly new to the world of Strictly, even though researching for this fic is definitely giving me a crash course in it a little bit)

Thank you so much for your really lovely ask ❤️

[sublimeloverstrawberry]

I thought about it for a while there She.

Apologizing to you. Acknowledging you. Writing you a letter, so here it is. The letter I promised to write.

I don't like you. I don't like your content. I don't like your passive aggressive tone on your Facebook and how you have no personality on Instagram. I might be er go viral, be famous, or get 1k followers. That isn't my goal, to fit in with someone who shops, or gossips and manipulates photos to get attention.

I grew up with a mother like you, a cousin like you, a brother like you and it is safe to say I see their patterns in you. They are further from me than you are, and I've watched them from a distance and I plan on keeping that distance from everyone who makes me stomach tense.

I find you two faced and manipulative based off of social media. But what's worse is even if you don't know what your soul did at the beginning of the year, I can't forget it. I know when He was disassociated, and when I saw the GODDAMNED video of you using his body and trying to make an ass out of him, that's when you lost my respect as his girlfriend. Most people act, he doesn't. And his bewilderment matched your frustrations. You tried to shame him publically again and I cannot stand women like you.

Throw me under the bus because I'm older than you, done more jobs than you, lived a life you only read about. Shame me because I survive and it shows on my face and the c-section cut I have on my abdomen. Gossip about me because I'm more spiritual and logical, and emotional than you will ever be. Laugh at me because I can express vulnerability.

I don't care about you. If you thrive or die. I just care how you treat Him online and bitch, I hate you for that. His ultra was amazing, and so what it happened so close to your birthday, your edited dark photo to gain pity and attention. An ultra marathon is a feat, and you made it how you were surrounded by friends on a patio but he is your only reason to fucking smile? Get a life.

Shopping at Aritiza, Simon's, Guess because you have genetics. They get you attention but you lack the capacity to understand how to keep it with respect towards others. Your dog seems so understimulated, in the 2 videos I've seen of it. It's a goddamned husky, intelligent and high energy. It's not cute to see a dog jumping at someone's face, or buring its face in the snow begging to run. I'm surprised such a beautiful animal isn't all over your instagram at the cottage, or Cross-country skiing, or walking on a lake. No puppy photos, no growth photos, just a few stories of a hyperactive dog. You don't have my respect when it comes to respecting your pet.

Most people will assume I dislike you because I'm jealous. I don't want your body, mine gave this world 2 children. I don't want your face, because it doesn't come with history dating back to dynasties. I don't want your work ethic, because I've done 60 hour weeks and paid for my own trips, apartment, and everything that makes me happy. I don't want your lifestyle because I don't want to fit in and have the attention of thirsty men. I want one thing, the love you've recieved unconditionally for the past 3 years. And I want it from the person who freely gave it to you, because I know how to fucking refill it when things get bad.

I don't judge you because you're half naked. I judge you because every photo he has shared since you entered his life is fucking staged, and the smile that used to reach his eyes and make them sparkle has been all but lost. He has a body but he is so much more than that, he is creative, kind, outgoing, thinks outside the box, charismatic, and a giver. You can't even capture what makes him alluring to other women.

I don't need to be liked by you. And I accept the gossip you've spread about me because I did tarot readings and I have lived with your personality before. I don't need your validation, because we're not running the same race. You want popularity and I want tranquility.

As for the instagram expressing myself... Those were my opinions based off of what you posted, and tarot cards. I've gotten much better at reading the energy and I know shit you haven't had the skill to brag about yet. I can't wait to see how you twist Our truth against your web of lies.

I know you stalk me.

You're too insecure not to. I am everything you wish you could be under your mask. Sure you judge me, but based off of what? Social media? Man, that is just 3% of my personality, and who I am. It is a fraction of my day I decide to share.

What about you? Who cares enough about you that you want to update them daily because they actually care? Who cares about your health, who cares about your happiness, who wants to hear your vulnerability, who loves to sit quietly with you and just be with you in serenity?

I am closer to the experience of nature than you are you poised princess. Chaos is like ivy crawling along the forest floor, avoiding and chasing sunlight. You are like an indoor plants curated and perfected with manipulation. You can bring a piece of ivy inside and it can adapt, but you will never see a bird of paradise thriving in winter, outside.

I'm not in competition with you. I'm in competition with myself. Who can I be with what I've been given, that I never needed to ask for, or expect from others.

Happy?

I've addressed you and I won't apologize for having an opinion after all the damage you've done to my reputation. Anyways, I wouldn't assume you would genuinely apologize for everything you've done behind my back. So why should I for existing?

Sure autumn I fucked up, but you took it further. I should have been blocked in winter by you, or you could have let him go, but you decided to play mental games. Why would someone like me respect someone like you?

[funkymbtifiction]

Frustrated Nine

Hi, I’m an INFP enneagram 9 and I’ve been feeling a bit frustrated with the way my nine traits are perceived.  People can be so patronizing sometimes.  People say to me, “Omg, sweetie, you said no to someone!  Finally you learned some boundaries!  Someday you’ll be more confident.”  But I’ve never heard anyone say to an enneagram 8, for example, “omg sweetie, you shared your feelings with someone!  Finally you learned some vulnerability!  Someday you’ll be less aggressive.”  People seem to treat me like a child..  They judge me as weak and unassuming without stopping to consider the reasons I might have to act this way:  to my knowledge, nines can have the same amount of fear and inner-wounds as other enneagram types, they just deal with it differently.

People encourage me to be strong and to assert my needs, but in the same breath treat me as though I am weak and don’t know my own mind.  They seem to assume that nines are pleasant, empty husks rather than real people with interesting thoughts and feelings who simply cope with the world around them by, for better or for worse, numbing themselves to unpleasant feelings and avoiding conflict. 

Anyway, sorry for my frustration.  I guess my question is, are these common problems for nines?  Or is my frustration just clouding my judgement?  

I really enjoy reading your blog, and thank you so much for the work you put into it.

... if someone said that to an 8, they might get punched in the face. ;)

Do these people know about the Enneagram? If so, they are being a little patronizing to you while trying to be supportive of you learning to assert yourself. If not, they are just treating you based on their perceptions of you being amiable and getting sucked into situations that you don't want to be in, because you have trouble saying no. Most people judge you according to what you 'display' to them -- how you act around them/others, what your consistent problems appear to be, etc. It's not a judgment on you not having your own mind, but an assessment of how you go along with things to avoid conflict.

If you want to change people's perceptions of you, you have to alter your behavior to fit the perception you want them to have -- in other words, if you want them to know you have your own mind, and not assume you have none of your own opinions -- assert them more often! :)

[anarmorofwords]

Hi! You're probably not going to like this ask, but before getting into it I'd just like to say that this isn't meant as Kamala hate or anything, and I don't really want to offend.

Having said that, wouldn't it make sense that we get to see how Kamala treated Anna after she came out? It's in all likelihood one of the things that's weighing on Anna the most.

Obviously Kamala had her valid reasons: her parents aren't as liberal as the Lightwoods, she believes (knows?) their love is conditional as she's adopted, she's not white and not being heterosexual could further any treatment she's suffered from being different... Her reasons have already been listed multiple times by multiple people. Kamala has the right to stay in the closet and fear coming out. And while that shouldn't be villianised, we can't forget that closeted people can harm those around them.

If Kamala had kept treating Anna like a good friend, rumour would've sparked, and even if it was denied, she'd have been harmed by merely associating with Anna. Especially with the life Anna began leading; she could have been labelled as one of Anna's 'conquests' by the Clave. That, as we've established, is detrimental for her safety.

But at the same time, it would create a breach between Anna and Kamala. And Anna had the right to be hurt by it and weary of it when Kamala said she wanted a relationship.

If we look at it from that perspective, Anna's actions (though inexcusable in how they treated Kamala --who was also at fault for not accepting a negative for four months) make sense. Kamala wasn't only a fling of a week*, but also the girl she lost her virginity with, who asked her to be her secret (until she married Charles, after which Anna's affections would be discarded), who hid her sexuality for two years and sat back while Anna suffered from homophobic commentary, and who now wants a relationship hidden from most of the people that know her.

Kamala shouldn't be forced to come out; but the harm that can do to the women she may engage with is reflective of what happens nowadays. I can mostly think of examples with gay men, so my apologies in advance. But how many women have seen their marriages ruined by their husband having affairs with men?

Creating characters that reflect a toxic part of the 'hidden' LGBT community shouldn't be seen as hating or villinifying. Thomas isn't out and he isn't labelled a villain by the narrative --because his actions don't harm anyone. The hate Alastair gets in-universe is because of his past as a bully, not because he's gay. Matthew's not fully out and he isn't villianised --like Thomas, because the decisions he makes to keep his sexuality hidden don't impact anyone negatively.

I'll even go as far as saying that not even the narrative villianises characters like Kamala and Charles. If it were, they'd be seen more like Grace in Chain of Gold. We'd see how Kamala's actions are affecting Anna's in more ways than anger (that in itself put the fandom against Anna), and the characters would note so. We wouldn't see scenes were Cordelia empathised with Charles, nor Matthew said he loved him.

Be it as it may, Kamala and Charles represent ugly parts of being closeted that can naturally occur when someone is in their position. LGBT people are human. Humans, when put into very difficult situations (and Charles risks his career; Kamala her safety), can make decisions that harm those around them. Consequently, the people they're harming have a right to feel, well, harmed in whatever range of ways --this goes mostly for Alastair, and very partly for Anna, whose treatment of Kamala was horrible.

Readers need to understand what is pushing these 'villianised' characters to harm (again, mostly for Alastair) the more prominent characters and go beyond how they are instantly depicted. Because these are complex characters based on complex real people influenced by very ugly realities we will move on from someday, but sadly not yet.

By the way, Charles and Kamala's situations aren't that similar beyond the closeted thing, but I crammed them together because of a post I saw you reblog.

Please understand I'm not justifying Charles's actions; that I understand the pain he's put Alastair through, and know that he shouldn't ever be near Alastair. Nor am I trying to justify Anna's actions nor hate on Kamala.

I'll just finish my pointless rant by adding that I do think cc has sensitivity readers. I think she asked a gay man to go through tec (I don't know if he still revised her other books, though), and know she asked POC's input when writing someone for their culture. I don't know much beyond that, but I doubt who revises her stuff is up to her. Wouldn't that be something the publisher is responsible for (honest question)?

*I've also noticed people using the argument that they didn't know each other long enough for Anna to harbour such ugly emotions towards Kamala, but Kamala also remembered Anna pretty deeply and is 'in love' with her. I just wanted to say that considering cc writes (fantastical) romance where someone can ask a woman they met two months ago marriage, stressing over time spaces doesn't make much sense. Just my take.

hi!!

alright, where do I start? probably would be best with stating that while I can analyse Kamala's situation with what I know/see/read about racism and discrimination and reasonably apply things I've read/heard from PoC to the discussion, as well as try to be as sensitive about it as possible, I'm still a white woman, so not a person that's best qualified to talk about this.

that being said - if someone wants to add something to this conversation, you're obviously more than welcome to, and if there's something in my answer that you don't agree with or find in some way insensitive or offensive - please don't hesitate to call me out on that.

back to your points though: (this turned into a whole ass essay, so under the cut)

I don't think Anna shouldn't be able to reminiscent on Kamala's behaviour/reaction to her coming out, or be hurt by it. what bothers me is the way CC talks about it - I can't remember the exact phrasing, but the post where she mentioned this suggested something along the lines of "you'll see how Kamala sided with the Clave and didn't defend Anna after her coming out", therefore putting the blame on Kamala and completely disregarding the fact that Kamala wasn't in position to do much at all. It suggest that their situation was "poor Anna being mistreated by Kamala". therefore I'm afraid Kamanna's main problem/conflict will remain to be portrayed as "Anna having to allow themselves to love again and forgive Kamala", while Anna's shortcomings - and Kamala's vulnerable position - are never discussed. I think it would be possible to acknowledge both Kamala's difficult situation and the possible hurt her behaviour caused Anna without being insensitive towards Kamala's character, but it would take a really skilled - and caring - author to do both of the perspectives justice. CC would have to find a balance between being aware of the racism/prejudice Kamala faced/ writing her with lots of awareness and empathy, and still allowing her to make mistakes and acknowledging them. As it is however, I'm under impression that she's just treating it as a plot device, a relationship drama.

I'd say no one expects characters of color to be written as flawless or never making mistakes, it's mostly the way these mistakes are written and what things these characters are judged/shamed/

And that's - at least in my understanding and opinion - where the problem is. it's that the narrative never even addresses Anna's faults, and portrays Kamala as the one that caused all - or most of - the pain, without ever even acknowledging her problems and background.

White characters in TLH make mistakes and fuck up - because they're human and they're absolutely allowed to - but the thing is, non-white characters aren't afforded that privilege. Anna's behaviour is never questioned - none of it, shaming Kamala for not being able to come out, dismissing her desire to be a mother, or any of the questionable things she did in ChoI. Same with Matthew, James, Thomas. Alastair and Kamala however? they're constantly viewed through their past mistakes, and forced to apologize for them over and over, forced to almost beg for forgiveness. Moreover, those past mistakes are used as a justification of all and any shitty behaviour the other characters exhibit towards them now, which is simply unfair and cruel. They're held to a much higher standard.

So I'd like to say that yes, Kamala was in the wrong to keep nagging Anna after numerous rejections, and she was in the wrong to not inform Anna about Charles prior to them having sex - but that doesn't give Anna a free pass to constantly mistreat Kamala. And let's be real, Anna isn't stupid - while at 17 she could be naive and uninformed, I can't imagine how after years of hanging out with the Downworlders and numerous affairs and being out and judged by the Clave she's still so ignorant about Kamala's situation. I definitely think she's allowed to be hurt, but to still not understand why Kamala did what she did? Anna isn't blaming her for not telling her about Charles earlier - which would be fair - but instead for refusing to engage in an outright romance with her. She's being ignorant - and consciously so, I think.

Overall, I think you're definitely right about how coming out - or staying closeted - can be messy and hurt people in the process, especially in unaccepting environments/time periods, and I've seen enough discourse online to know there will never be a verdict/stance on this that will satisfy everyone. I, for one, would really like to refrain from putting all the blame on a single person - but, at least the way I see it, CC is pointing fingers. maybe not directly, but she is. Kamala, Alastair and Charles have no friends or support systems, and the only people in the narrative that defend them are themselves (ok, Cordelia does defend Alastair from Charles, but not from shitty takes about him and his "sins"). Also, sorry, but I don't like how you say "hid her sexuality for two years and sat back while Anna experienced homophobic comments" - it sounds very much judgemental. Kamala had every right to do that? The fact that she slept with Anna doesn't means she owed her something, and certainly not coming out and most probably destroying her life, or even defending her at the - again - expense of her own reputation, or more possibly safety.

As for Charles - it's a different issue here, at least imo - I fear that it'll be implied that his refusing to come out will is his main "sin", and therefore not something he can be judged for, which ironically, will be villainizing, but mostly will mean his actual sins are dismissed. This is where the scene with Cordelia feeling a pang of sympathy for him comes into play, and it worries me. I've never hated Charles for not wanting to come out, but rather for, let's see - grooming Alastair, disregarding Alastair's needs and feelings, disrespecting his mother, being a sexist prick, being low-key far-right coded "make Shadowhunters great again" etc.

As for sensitivity readers - I'm no expert, so I don't think my input is worth much. From what I've gathered from multiple threads/discussions on twitter, tho it is probably consulted/approved by the publisher, many authors push for that - and authors less famous and "powerful" than her. I'm not a hater, but seeing fandoms' opinions on much of her rep, I think she could do better. Because if she does have sensitivity readers, then they don't seem to be doing a great job - maybe they're friends who don't wanna hurt her feelings? Or maybe she thinks a gay guy's feedback will be enough for any queer content - which, judging by the opinions I've seen from the fans, doesn't seem to be true.

Again, these are mostly my thoughts and I'm more than open to reading other opinions, because *sigh* I really don't know how to handle this.

Bottom line - I really really don't want to be hating on the characters in general, playing God in regards to judging the struggles of minorities, or even criticising the characters too harshly for being human, flawed etc. What my main issue is is how CC handles those complex and heavy topics.

I hope I make sense and this answer satisfies you somehow - I also hope someone better equipped to answer might wanna join this conversation.

* I desperately need a reread of TLH before I engage in any more conversations like this, but I didn't wanna leave you hanging. So yeah, I might be remembering things wrong. Again, let me know, I'm very much open to being corrected as well as to further discussion.

* I use she/her pronouns for Anna because that's what she uses in canon

[ahtsumu]

Hm. Take your favorite boys, what do you think they're insecure about?

i wrote for oikawa, atsumu, ushijima, kuroo, and tendou! sorry for the length i just love them so much lol

OIKAWA TOORU: 

not being good enough. this one’s clear as day and everyone knows it but i think there’s another layer to this. i think it’s two-fold. so first of all, he’s insecure about the limits to his skill compared to the monster generation, which is his own problem. but then he’s also insecure about people surpassing him in skill. so not only is the insecurity about something internal, but it’s also affected by external factors. and then you see how his self-hatred (self-hatred may be strong but that’s what the essence of insecurity is, right?) spills over to the way he treats/views others, turning him into this bitter, calculating guy who would work himself dead just prove that he is good enough.

his volatility. listen, for someone as smart as oikawa, he definitely knows it’s not normal to be utterly consumed by the need to even be just a sliver of a bit better than his opponents. and it makes him act in questionable, erratic ways. underneath that calm, put-together facade is a tsunami of ugly emotions that oikawa is highly aware of. i think he’s afraid this side to him will hurt others and makes him a burden, hence his overdone, saccharine, charmer persona. it keeps people at a distance–– emotionally. i think he’s definitely a sweet guy on the inside and genuinely kind to people he doesn’t view as competition (and he actually really appreciates his fans), but because of how he’s scared of exposing his scary side, he overdoes the flamboyant airheadedness. by doing so, he weeds out the people he doesn’t think would stay with him through thick-and-thin anyway.

i like to think that post-timeskip oikawa has dealt with these demons and found a way to just be satisfied. maybe he just needed to expand his horizons. maybe he found a team that was already really good and he, with his setting style, made them great–– better than seijoh could ever have been. olympic gold-medal worthy. he deserves it.

MIYA ATSUMU: 

firstly, i don’t think atsumu’s insecurities are as crippling as oikawa’s. if we factor in his personality based on his volleyball playing style, he’s not the type to overthink or scheme or calculate like oikawa, so i also headcanon him to be less “in his head” and more “in the moment”. this means his insecurities play a smaller role in shaping his personality and are less visible in the manga/anime.

he’s rough around the edges. his speech is coarse (the accent, the slang, the insults) and he fights with osamu in public and he definitely doesn’t shy away from provoking people he barely knows. i bet atsumu sometimes wonders if other people look down upon him because of that. like they might feel like he’s too wild. but i don’t think he dwells on this because he’s also a very confident guy and proud of where he comes from. it’s just a passing thought that sometimes puts a damper on his mood for a bit, and then he’s back to normal.

he’s unlikeable. atsumu has a strong personality–– goofball, airhead, loud, brutally honest, cocky... and he was abandoned by his middle school teammates and classmates for being “an arrogant jerk”. and judging by his behaviour in high school, his middle school years shaped him into a “so what if they hate me?” kinda guy–– meaning, he doesn’t care what random people think of him. what he does care about, though, is if these traits of his impact the way his friends view him or feel because of him. he didn’t grow up with many friends and he probably knows what loneliness feels like. i think he’d hate to feel it again, so he’s a lot more careful about his negative traits around friends. the people who matter.

vulnerability. atsumu’s been shown denying the fact that he was crying even though he was touched by kita’s kindness. that, and how he’s got this huge (and i think purposely overdone) overconfident/brash persona kind of builds a wall of strength around him. in reality, he’s a softie. atsumu’s definitely afraid of people coming into his life and then just leaving because, again, his personality’s an acquired taste and he’s been abandoned before. in his eyes, his softer side is his weaker side because he’s more susceptible to getting hurt.

USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:

letting people down. ushijima lives to be reliable. he wants to be, like his dad described, the ace that makes everyone think “if i toss to him, he’ll definitely score”. he shoulders on so much responsibility and it’s because he needs prove that he is the guy people can depend on. and a lot of it has to do with making his dad–– whom he rarely ever sees–– proud, but a lot of it also has to do with the genuine desire to be strong for others. so to be the exact opposite, to show or maybe even suggest that he isn’t as sturdy as he is (which he definitely has done before, probably with all the team’s losses), i think that’s the one thing that gets him most insecure. or i guess you could say this is his greatest fear: to no longer be reliable.

honestly, i think ushijima is one of the least bothered people in haikyuu, which is why i can only confidently headcanon one insecurity. he’s got amazing tunnel vision and he doesn’t let himself get carried away by emotion. that being said, he has emotions. he’s just able to compartmentalise and focus on what’s important: getting better. if he loses, he doesn’t wallow in self-pity–– he does 100 serves. ushijima turns his insecurities/flaws into strength.

i’d suggest maybe his family situation as a possible soft spot, but by the way he openly answered tendou’s questions it’s clear that he’s not exactly torn up over his parents’ divorce. i think he’d be insecure about getting into a relationship, though. it involves a lot of vulnerability and dedication/time, the latter of which he’s not sure he can take from volleyball. i genuinely believe he never dated in high school because he was way too focused on going to nationals for that. so that lack of experience would also make him just a little uncomfortable about dating as an adult, i think. but he’s also not the type to dwell on these things. he’d probably just go for it. he’s a straight-forward, logical, clear-minded guy.

KUROO TETSUROU: 

his baggage. based on the canon information about his parents being divorced and him not seeing his sister, and then the fanon stuff about him growing up listening to them fight endlessly… there’s a lot of trauma that comes with a dysfunctional family that undoubtedly made him into the self-preserving and cunning captain he is today. he has to be able to figure people out and protect himself in order to survive, but that also means he’s a lot more guarded than most. he’s that guy who gets along with everyone but he wouldn’t call most of them his friends. kuroo likes to keep people at arm’s length to protect them and himself from getting hurt. there’s just too much trauma for another person to deal with, unless they really show him that they won’t just leave him high and dry. even after he’s let them in, i don’t think kuroo would talk much about it.

not knowing what romantic love is supposed to be like. and by love, i mean the act of loving–– not the emotion. i find that with kids who’ve grown up in dysfunctional families or are children of divorce, they’re either extremely hesitant to enter relationships or they impulsively dive into them. i think kuroo’s the former. he’s very intelligent and patient, so i can definitely see him being scared to get involved with other people for their sake. after all, he knows that what he’s experienced in reality about love is not correct–– but at the same time, that’s all he knows. he just doesn’t know what a relationship is supposed to look like. is it a lot of independence? or are you supposed to be attached at the hip? how do you get that comfortable around someone? i think this lack of knowledge makes him insecure about getting into relationships.

TENDOU SATORI:

his appearance. we also all know tendou has had the most trauma being bullied and “overcame” the bullying by embracing the demon persona (just on the court!!), but i highly doubt he’d want to be loved for that off the court. the way he treats his friends shows that he’s a very loving, soft, and playful guy. and he’s more resignedly accepted the fact that everyone’s first impression of him will always be the sadistic, scary-looking demon, but i’m sure it affects the way he interacts with people he believes to be conventionally attractive. like maybe he feels just a little undeserving/unsuitable to be around them.

going over the line. tendou is a really sensitive guy with high emotional intelligence–– partially because of how he’s been forced to learn to read people to figure out their intentions, and partially because he never wants to hurt the people he loves. for example, tendou apologised when he kept badgering ushijima about his father and realised it could be a sensitive subject. but i also feel like because he’s such a rowdy, high-energy guy, sometimes his teasing and mischief can go a little far. maybe it’s a text that reads too rudely, followed by a lag on the receiver’s side. and maybe that’s when the overthinking kicks in. like, “that was really mean, satori. that was too far. you should apologise. what if they were really hurt by that? what if they don’t like you anymore?”

being overlooked. tendou pretty much only exists in relation to ushijima and even though he loves ushijima to death i’m sure sometimes he just feels a little down about the fact that he lives in his shadow. he’s always “ushijima’s friend” or “the middle blocker on ushijima’s team” and he’s rarely recognised for his own existence. i think he’s also accepted this, as shown by when he told ushijima to tell all the future reporters that they were friends. tendou had already accepted how ushijima was destined for attention, no matter how in-your-face he himself was. what i love is how furudate kinda inverts this trope by making tendou the famous guest of a show and talking about ushijima instead. it doesn’t change how much he loves ushijima or how much he’ll continue singing his best friend’s praises, but i think some part of him will always wonder if a new person is only taking interest in him because of his connection to ushijima.

[vkelleyart]

Thoughts on fandom: inclusion and engagement.

(Art credit to the kindhearted @penpanoply​!)

There’s been some stuff floating around on Tumblr about strife in the CO/WS fandom, and though I haven’t been explicitly named-dropped on anything public, my DMs have been... active. lol Rather than rehash what’s been said already, I just want to impart a little wisdom and perspective in the hopes it may soothe frayed feelings and offer a way ahead for cultivating a respectful community. As someone who has been an active participant in online fandoms since the mid-’90s, which was the advent of online fandom content creation (shout out to my fellow X-Philes!), and who has also spent a chunk of her professional life managing social media for the federal government and for activist groups, I can promise you it’s all gonna be okay.

Here’s some context for why strife happens and what we can do to create a more inclusive and communicative fandom environment. 

1) It sounds cliché, but fandoms go through growing pains. 

In the case of the Simon Snow fandom, what was once a small and cozy space untouched by cataclysmic events (such as the release of *gasp* a sequel) has grown exponentially in a relatively short amount of time following the release of Wayward Son. Newcomers are eager to find a home in this space at the same time as folks who’ve been here a while may be consciously or unconsciously wary about widening their circle, and It’s important to remember that this is not necessarily an expression of bad behavior on either side but just human psychology doing its thing. 

The byproduct, however, is that tension and stress builds over time from the lack of meaningful communication across the divide, which subsequently fuels misunderstandings. Ironically, the interfaces we use to communicate don’t help with this because any existing communication about the tension happens in tiny vacuums until a trigger goes off and bad feelings go public. 

Way Ahead: These moments of destabilization are opportunities to see where we can be more self aware about how we engage with fandom and the kind of community we want to be. Can you promote, support, or befriend someone trying to gain a foothold? If yes, please do! Each person must reach their own decision about what they can do within the confines of their available energy, health, and time, but a little self awareness goes a long way as long as you’re honest with yourself and others if applicable about what you can contribute. Anyone who judges you for it isn’t worth the strife.

2) In a fandom comprised of vulnerable/marginalized people, it’s more accurate to say that cliques are “bubbles of trust.”

This one's important. Just by nature of the source material, the CO/WS fandom includes fans with a wide array of backgrounds and experiences, especially when it comes to those who identify with the characters’ queerness, mental illness, and/or trauma. I really believe––based on individual conversations/group chats––that the difficult lived experiences that so many of our fandom peers have endured has produced one of the most open, aware, and accepting fandoms I’ve had the pleasure of participating in. Our vulnerability is, in a real way, our strength.

That said, a community of survivors also has the side effect of cultivating small circles of engagement that I call “bubbles of trust.” When you’re a survivor of abuse, marginalization, mental illness, fill-in-the-blank, it’s often quite hard to risk casting a wide net and expanding your circle to include new faces––which can subsequently be internalized by equally sensitive and vulnerable newcomers as rejection, judgement, or inadequacy.

Way Ahead: First of all, there may indeed be gatekeeping and exclusion going on. But before internalizing someone’s cagey behavior as gatekeeping or purposely exclusionary, ask yourself if you have all the information. Many people are private (I include myself in this assessment) because life has regrettably taught them to be this way, and so they may insulate themselves to a small group of people who have earned their trust. Some people might also triggered by certain content (case in point: smut triggers my anxiety) so they don’t engage with it. Others might have something in their pasts that define how they handle certain subjects (for example, a person of color should not be tone policed for getting angry when confronted with a racialized microagression, however accidental it was). You just don’t know what you don’t know. 

The solution here is to regularly check your privilege and ask questions in a private space if you sense you’re being treated unfairly by someone. If you go public with your grievances in hopes of mobilizing the mob, you may accidentally find yourself stepping into the role of the aggressor instead of the victim.

3) Social Media is not built to help you get engagement. It’s built to help itself make money off of you.

Repeat after me: Hits/likes are not a measurable indicator of talent or worth. There are ridiculously talented folks on Tumblr and elsewhere who, for whatever reason, haven’t had their viral moment, and it’s not their fault. Loads of factors come into play where things like likes, reblogs, and comments are concerned, among them being posting frequency, subject matter, the time of day, the day of the week, the week of the month, the month of the year, the current administration, the stock exchange, the concentration of middle class users, who just won the Superbowl, a madman trying to steal an election and undermine the democratic process, a PANDEMIC, do you get where I’m going with this?? lol

At the end of the day, my humble successes have been helped along by good luck, good timing, high profile signal boosters, and an absurd amount of work. (This is why I try to signal boost new work whenever I get a chance over at @vkelleyshares.) 

So while you cannot control Tumblr’s interface, trends at large, or your fellow users, here’s what you can do to ensure you give your work the best possible chance of exposure.

Have an image ready to go with your post. Tumblr is a visual platform (no matter what it says about being good for text). Not good with images? Set up a Canva.com account and get access to free graphic software with a gazillion templates to create whatever attractive image you want to attach to your post.

Keep the outward facing text brief and easy on the eyes. Too long and eyes will glaze over. Put excess text behind a “read more.”

You may think you’re being cute when you do this, but don’t put yourself down in your posts. (Don’t put yourself down in general, of course.) Doing so acts as engagement repellant. If you don’t believe in your work, no one else will.

Related: Be your best cheerleader. Confidence is a magnet, and if you don’t have it, go ahead and fake it until you start to convince yourself you are worth the buzz. So promote yourself! You have gifts that only you can impart. Use that knowledge to fuel everything you do from your art/fiction writing to your outreach with other content creators, and by golly, if someone’s done it already, acknowledge that contribution and then tell the world that this is YOUR unique take on it.

Treat your fellow fandom creators as human beings, not art/fiction/content boosting machines. I cannot count how many times I’ve had folks slide into my DMs with offers of friendship only to disappear once they realize I’m not available to draw a picture for their fic. It hurts because it’s manipulative and it makes me want to hole up and not signal boost anyone. Creators who truly support each other will not give off a transactional vibe. I want to help you reach more people, but not if that’s all I’m good for in your eyes. 

The long and short of it: Lead with compassion, do your best with the opportunities at  your disposal, and remember that fandom belongs to everyone in it. ❤️

What saves a fandom made of sensitive and vulnerable souls from imploding when it goes through growing pains is radical compassion from those who can offer it. Begin with the assumption that your fellow fandomers are not trying to harm you, and wade into the water knowing that your insight into the lives of your peers is limited by default and you may need to temper your words or actions accordingly. If you’re a content creator, save compassion for yourself as well, as there are indeed challenges to gaining an audience, and lack of engagement does not mean you lack talent or skill. Be your best advocate, and if you have the bandwidth to lift up a fellow creator and make a new friend, please, go ahead do it! 

And finally, fandom belongs to everyone, and no one has a monopoly on characters, tropes, or themes. Create and consume what you love (with respect for your more vulnerable peers), and bask in the variety, my friends!

That’s all I’ve got in my head at the moment, although I’m sure there’s more I’m forgetting. Thanks so much to @penpanoply for letting me use her art for this and to everyone else, hang in there and try not to judge each other too harshly. These are unprecedented times, and most of us are doing our best in circumstances that are pushing us to our limits. 

As always, if you have questions or want to sound off on anything, shoot me a message or an ask, or ping me on Discord. It might take me a second to respond (thanks, Covid) but I’ll get to it! Love, love, and more love to all.