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vintagexherry · 9 months

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Forget

Yandere!Miguel x Housewife!Reader

//Yandere, Manipulation, Amnesia, Implied kidnaping, Lying

A/N: Im not a doctor so idk how amnesia rlly works

Something doesn't feel right.

Something feels like you're forgetting something.

Something tells you, you're not supposed to be here.

Back track weeks ago, you remember weakly opening your eyes, and you find yourself on a hospital bed with buff, tan, and handsome man beside you.

Your body is covered in bandages and a heart monitor attached to you.

As you open your eyes even more, you see the man beside you his eyes.

"Y/N? Thank god- I thought I almost lost you, You've been out for so long." You glanced at the man who rambled on and on, seemingly worried and relieved at the same time.

Was that your name? Y/N? I mean, you can admit it's a pretty nice name.

"Who....Who are you?" You asked in the middle of his rambles, which you didn't have much energy to listen to

Miguel seemed to stop at his tracks, seemingly to take it what you just said.

Then something in him jumped in glee, something told him to take this opportunity.

He was silent for a while until he finally spoke.

"I'm.....I'm your husband, Miguel O'Hara."

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So now here you are stirring a pot of food for your husband who's coming home soon.

You remember your days in recovery.

Miguel would talk to you about several things, The Spider Society, The multiverse, your friends like Peter and Jess, and also your spider powers.

While you were exploring your powers with him, you asked why you didn't ever join the Spider Society with him.

He paused for a while and said that you did join, And before your mission you had you noted to him that it will be your last and your gonna retire for a bit, but during the mission you were fighting someone who you underestimated in strength and before you know it, you got blasted to a wall and had a concussion.

A concussion that severely made you lost your memories.

You winced at the story he told you, but he reassured you saying that he could protect you, that's he's there for you.

You wanted to join back but the trauma of losing memories isn't really nice.

You start to prepare the plates in the dinner table.

You remember, after recovery in the hospital, you and your husband go to your shared home where you took the time to explore.

You went to the bedroom and saw a handcuffs tied to the bed post.

You asked him about it.

"Well," he let out a nervous chuckle. "Let's just say we were adventurous in bed. "

You blushed at his implication.

During your stay with him, you re-learn recipes and ask many things from him. You also asked why it is that you're married, but you don't see any rings.

He said that since both of you do hero work before your retirement, he didn't want the risk of losing precious jewels, and you can't help but agree with him.

As time passes by, you learnt basic things already from your husband such as food, hobbies you do together, shenanigans you both face and how well he really is in bed.

One time, Miguel let you visit the spider society, and there you met Peter and Jess once again.

While Miguel is busy with work, you talk with the both of them with Mayday on your lap.

"You know Y/N, I'm surprised you gotten closer to Miguel, I remember you would avoid him any given chance." Peter commented

"For sure, and I'm more surprised he let you visit us since prior to your accident, It's been sooo long since we've seen you." Jess added

You were confused with their input, gotten closer? Of course, you were close to him. He's your husband, after all. And they didn't see you for so long? Well, maybe cus you retired, but then again, you noted it was supposed to be after the mission.

You cleared your head and replied.

"Well, of course I'm close to him. He's my husband....?" You ended in question since their the closest friend of Miguel, How come they don't know he's married?

But instead of feeling satisfied with your awnser, both Jess and Peter stopped and looked at each other as if realization hit them.

"Uh...Y/N? Do you-" Before Peter could finish his sentence, Lyla appeared next to you, you remember the first time meeting her again and you admit she's a very enjoyable person.

"Heyy Y/N, Big boss is callin for ya" Lyla notified you and you thanked her before she disappeared again.

"Well, you heard the floating lady, I gotta go, bye Pete bye Jess!" You stood up and handed Mayday back to Peter as you webbed away to the direction of Miguel's office, not knowing the horror in both of their faces.

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And you wished you listened to them more.

It's been months since your amnesia recovery, and you still can't remember your own memories, Doctor said that there's a chance you could still remember things on your own, it's said to be rare but a chance is a chance, plus everything you "remembered" was relayed by Miguel and you're felt bad for not remembering even your own husband. You talked to him about it but all he said is that it isn't a burden and that "It's feels like im falling in love with you all over again" You can't help but admit your heart flutter.

Plus, he wouldn't lie to you. He's your husband. You thought as you stared into the golden band of ring around your finger.

....

He wouldn't right?

You were about to think more until you heard a portal opening from the bedroom.

"Mi amor? I'm home!" Miguel called out.

You smiled, finally having your beloved be there at your side, you can't always rely on Lyla since she is a hologram and you mostly need a warm body to hug with.

"I'm in the kitchen!" You called him from downstairs, and as he came down, he greeted you with a deep, searing, passionate kiss.

"I see that you enjoyed my gift." He said as he took your hand to spin you around slowly, admiring the dress he got for you.

"Of course, why wouldn't I" you giggled at his antics.

As you both ate, he would tell stories about what happened during his mission and what shenanigans happened his meeting with the spider society.

You and Miguel brushed you teeth, and got ready for bed.

As you cuddled and listened to his light snores, you think back to your previous thoughts.

And you conclude.

Yea, He wouldn't.

The End

#atsv miguel #miguel o'hara #miguel spiderverse #miguel x reader #miguel spiderman #miguel x you #spiderman 2099 #tw yandere #amnesia #housewife

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ktvsf · 4 months

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boynextdoor receiving oral

legal line x gn!reader ♡ nsfw ; mdni! ; wc ; 700+

ahh it's my first time writing anything in the last 3 years i think sjsjshshs please let me know if you guys liked it or not!

sungho ; ahh sungho is the most loving and caring person ever, like i can never imagine him being even a little mean to you or going harder on you, he just doesn't want to hurt you but when you mentioned that you would love him to call you his stupid doll and fuck you like he's never before, he would be in utter shock; eyes flickering looking for any hesitation but when he saw none, his dick twitched in his pants at the image of you on all four, crying, not being able to form any clear sentence just because he's fucking you so good? let's just say that he would waste no time taking you to his bed and ripping all your clothes off of you but leaving your panties on cus you look cute.

riwoo ; I feel like riwoo would be a little shy at first, not that shy that he wouldn't even look at you but he would be a little embarrassed to make any louder noises other than quiet breaths and moans here and there. but that wouldn't last long, especially since in between sucking his dick clean, you would tell him how much you love to hear him enjoying himself, and that would send the poor boy into pure bliss, nearly finishing at that second. also please praise him after he finishes, make sure to say how good he is and how handsome he looks because I know this boy, out of all of them, would be in a very deep subspace to even think straight :((

jaehyun ; STOP because the way I need him is really concerning and it's not healthy for me :( anyways jaehyun getting his dick sucked? bro, he would be such a mess the second you put your tongue on his tip and your hands travelled on his bare hips and thighs. hands pushing your head to take him all, fingers tangled into your hair occasionally scratching your head, his body flexing every time his cock hits the back of your throat. he's a head pusher, and in the heat of the moment, he sometimes forgets how strong his hold on your head and hair can be but he never fails to apologize to you for hurting you in any way and even though you always tell him you don't mind being pushed and it doesn't hurt, he always makes up for it while going down on you, tracing his finger along your every curve, whispering how beautiful you look spread wide open just for him.

taesan ; he's handsome and he knows it and I do believe he has two moods while being sucked. one is soft taesannie who's not afraid to moan for you, tell you how pretty you are and how good your lips feel wrapped around his dick. he's literally so in love with you and he's gonna show it, making you stand up just so he can kiss your lips and wipe your tears, he literally looks at you with hearts in his eyes. but then, when he's stressed before an important award show or when he's angry at himself for making mistakes and not being able to write any good lyrics, he's gonna be a little mean to you, "fuck, keep going doll' his hand wouldn't leave your head also, "look at you baby, you love when I use you like this, huh?". when he's like that, sex would be a bit rougher and more aggressive but he won't forget to pamper you with kisses and cuddles after. after all, you're his babygirl so he wouldn't hurt you in any way.

leehan ; leehan is one cocky motherfucker, hands in your hair, small sighs and whimpers coming out of his mouth. at first, he would be, especially confident, saying how cute and pretty your mouth looks around his cock, but the longer you kept working on his tip, the more he couldn't believe how good you make him feel and all he could do was moan your name and whisper, the whole time, little incoherent sentences that only he could understand. overall, he didn't expect you to be this good, especially when we're talking about your guys' first time together, but you left him even more hot and bothered than before so you better prepare yourself for a long night. also imagine him looking down at you while smirking and thinking to himself how precious you are on your knees, mascara running down your cheeks and all this just for him

#boynextdoor smut #sungho smut #jaehyun smut #riwoo smut #leehan smut #taesan smut

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eats-a-berry · 18 days

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i think for me part of the struggle of enjoying toshiro is how his flaws are actually really interesting and i like to think about them as i analyze stuff, but its literally become the same as how it feels for people who like laios where like there's a gut feeling of being defensive... i want to be able to talk about this stuff and the commentary of his character without that looming sense of hate, where it feels that if i acknowledge if something is a flaw its just going to make people hate him more, instead of being interesting or sympathetic, yknow? it makes things harder when i'm trying to be objective about it, a sense of guilt almost, and it makes me feel sort of frustrated when people can't see the same things that i do, where the things i find compelling in a character might be the same reason people hate them... cus it really gets tiring, even though it's, y'know, its fine if people don't like him. the odds are pretty much stacked against his favor on here. but i feel like there's a difference in talking about his issues as someone who cares about him and knows his character inside and out and in people who can't seem to even get all the details lined up to have any sympathy for his situation. but its okay. because in my heart ryoko kui is speaking to me and thanking me for analyzing every last bit of her guy with care even with his very unfortunate spotlight

#dungeon meshi #shuro #toshiro nakamoto #idk i'm already hard to satisfy i already get mad when people who do like him get details wrong #i still feel like no one gets him like i do but not everyone is writing a 50k word essay #that you wont shut up about like you are Sydney

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02chois · 1 year

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HOW TXT COURTS YOU

pairing: OT5 (separate) x gn! reader

synopsis: they try to court you in their own silly ways

word count: 1.4k words

genre: fluff and nothing but fluff

content warning: may cause heart attack from cuteness /j, not proofread, non-idol au, university au, cheesy scenes

note: you can tell I had so much fun writing this lol

SOOBIN

Listen he's so shy but he will do anything just to see you so he will visit your class for a moment just to greet you. The man will make sure he'll see you smile for the upcoming day because it motivates him to do better :((

The first thing you'll see after class is Soobin waiting for you by the room's door and he's not just standing there, he's holding a bunch of flowers or food that he's sure you like

He'll have this shy smile when you thank him and he'll just nod and carry your bag for you so you can eat properly

LISTEN— he won't just wait for you after class, he'll also walk you home because he wants you to be safe! He's so sweet I swear

And tbh you won't need to get his parents' approval if ever you decide to date him because you're already loved by his parents by how much he talks about you to them

Despite his shyness he will try to make it known that he's courting you and he wants to make an effort because if he did decide to just admire you from afar he won't be with you like this everyday

Soobin's part of the student council so sometimes he's not there with you all the time, but still you'll see tons of notifications from him just updating you and asking about your day :') he'll even call you and let you talk about anything

Because of his lack of experience, he tries to ask his friends for advice in how to woo you but tbh he doesn't need to because he already has your heart hehe just being himself is enough

YEONJUN

Oh mister popular here is courting you but because of his reputation it's kinda lowkey? And don't get him wrong cus he's only protecting you from those who wishes to see your downfall

If people aren't so mean he'd yell out your name and tell everyone how much he likes you, but unfortunately you're not safe to those people who are jealous of you

But don't worry about his ways of courting being lowkey because he'll still show how he likes you through subtle matching things

May it be bracelets, necklaces, or shoes even because he wants to match with you and every time he sees you wear them it makes his heart melt :'D

There's also a reason why he wants to keep it low for a bit because he feels like you're still uncomfortable, also because he's quite an outgoing person and will tell everyone proudly that you're his (soon to be) partner

He's the type to give you his jacket as well like you own three of his hoodies at this point and they all smell like his cologne, and tbh if you like the scent he'll even gift you his cologne

Oh also he'll be so happy if you soft launch him in your social media, like posting a photo of him without showing his face? He'll d word from happiness and you're also keeping it lowkey and it's like this little cute secret of yours

And don't worry cus he'll soft launch you too, maybe too much cus he likes to post photos of you together without your face showing and he'll only show your face when you officially say you're comfortable with letting a lot of his following know who you are!

BEOMGYU

Oh ho he's your classmate so best believe he's going to do anything just to sit right next to you

And every morning you'll see a letter with cute decorations and written with such nice handwriting :(( not to mention he always makes sure to ask about your well being and if you're eating well, sometimes he'll give you a candy or two!! Especially when you mention you like it

Oh boy since he's your seatmate he'll also stop by and eat with you and your friends, he'll also sit next to you and try to impress you with anything he's got like pLS he'll even try to do tricks just to make you laugh

The rare times you're not in the same class, he'll walk past your classroom and look through the window and wave at you so make sure to look at the door's little window cus Beomgyu's there to see you <3

Listen again— LISTEN!! He'll say he's not worried but dude will wait for you at your house's front gate so you can go to school together and you're wondering if your mom knows him

And she definitely knows him cus everytime you go home by yourself and Beomgyu's not with you she asks you where he is :(( she assumes he's your bf aAAAAA and you say not yet (HE HAS A CHANCEEEEE)

And ya know there's events and festivals at uni, right? If there's a singing contest he will be there and he'll sing this really cheesy song because it reminds him of you so much 😭 he'll have this stupid grin cus the moment he sees you flustered it's a success hehe

TAEHYUN

He's a star athlete and part of the top students in your uni and you're wondering what made him like you so much to the point he's courting you???? But like dude's so head over heels

He'll ask you if it's alright for you to wait for him to finish practice and if he's in the middle of shooting a ball, he'll wink at you and he's so confident it'll shoot pLS and wHEN IT DOES— he turns to point at you and smile

Dude cannot contain his smile when you go and wipe his sweat off his face and give him his water bottle 😭😭 he's screaming inside and the teasing from his friends doesn't even help

He's lowkey your tutor too so visits to the library is quite common but it always ends up with the both of you as a giggling mess 😟

Taehyun would slide in flirting in between him tutoring you and later you'd set the notebook aside and entertain him so— it ends up just you two trying to fluster each other aAAAA

He'd take you out after his practice before taking you home so he'd either be scolded by your parents or assume you guys went on a date and have this knowing smile as he waits for you to go inside before he leaves hehe

Honestly?? Taehyun would still video call you even after his training cus he wants to hear you talk and just watch you do anything even in silence, and later you'll see him sleeping… bby needs his rest and you'd have a fond smile as you end the call and msg him "goodnight <33"

then the next morning you'll see "good morning beautiful" from him

HUENINGKAI

Fear not because his whole family knows you already and they already gave their approval cus of how much he talks about you to them like he literally won't shut up!!

But tbh he's not from your class and the moment he knew who your homeroom professor was, he always offered to help him with his things and he gets to visit your classroom just to get a glimpse of you

He heard you like plushies??? OH he has a ton he'll give a gift for you and tell you all about the ones he has and even lets you keep some of his and aASJNDSJ some of them smells like him bro?? It's so comforting :((

Dude will send you tons— I mean tons of memes as a form of a conversation starter, he doesn't know what to talk about so he always makes up an excuse to talk to you and even irl even if he doesn't have the same major he'll find a reason to study with you 😭

He's your number one hype man like?? He'd be so loud cheering for you and even if you fail he'll still be so proud sERIOUSLY the boy likes you so much that he doesn't care if you fail or whatever cus the most important thing to him is that you're happy

He's the type to spontaneously show up on your front door and ask your parents if he could borrow you for the day and they allow you to go cus wow who is this beautiful boy-

You like online gaming? Best believe you're always his player 2 and he would even teach you how to play, he'll encourage you too like pls!! Don't listen to the random players cus he'll protect you if you don't know how to play <33

#soobin x reader #yeonjun x reader #beomgyu x reader #taehyun x reader #hueningkai x reader #txt x reader #txt headcanons #soobin scenarios #yeonjun scenarios #beomgyu scenarios #taehyun scenarios #hueningkai scenarios

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hourglassfish · 8 months

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On Season 1, Episode 7 Part Three : Risottogate

OK look,

Go and get yourself an ecto cooler or something, cus this is long, OK? This is long.

You comfortable?

Alright, let’s go.

don't forget the Xanax!

Elevated Beef (stock)

There’s a connection drawn between Sydney and veal stock in the Bear. She spills it all over herself during Brigade. Claire interrupts Carmy purchasing veal stock for menu testing her bone broth idea at the end of 2:2. It’s an interesting ingredient to align her with: a staple of French cuisine, something you’ll find in a professional high end kitchen but not necessarily at home, a distinctive, practical component which provides a subtle, solid umami base for a range of dishes.

The first time this connection is drawn is during one of my favourite interactions: the ‘plum haribo’ story in Brigade. Marcus has decorated his work station (I love him), and despite the fact that Carmy says he’s having flashbacks (eeeeeeek), I think he is happy to see this coming together of his two worlds.

They start talking about this fancy plum dish, and a gelee component (which will reappear in Honeydew!) that had to have a very specific texture. Carmy has been talking about the dedication needed to make this dish work with pride, presenting the texture of the gelee as a huge challenge, something it took someone a year to figure out. Sydney cracks it in less than a minute. Veal fat. She knows what’s needed, and she knows why: it congeals when it’s cold. Boom!

Carmy’s response to this always amuses me. He is not…dismayed exactly. Not quite. After all, it’s a reminder of her brilliance, and also that that world is not so far away. That being said, she cuts across a punchline here; and what was a mystery to the best chefs in the world for a year is immediately obvious to her, to the extent that it’s not even really a flex on her part: she states it quite diffidently. Marcus’s gleeful ‘Mission Accomplished’ is very different from Carmy’s, which is a bit more ‘…oh.’.

On rewatches where I feel charitable, Carmy then implements the brigade cus he's been reminded that he has someone close by from that world, he has an ally that speaks his language, who is talented. On days when I feel less charitable, I combine this with him later talking her through the differences between stock/jus/demi-glace in front of Tina like an asshole, and see him handing the brigade over at that specific moment, in the specific way that he does as passive aggressive. Most days I’m with the former! Still…we’re back in the grey areas of Syd and Carmy’s dynamic. Where all the good shit is!

He's so glad she figured that out so quickly, absolutely not feeling a type of way about it, nope, not at all

I wanted to start with this story cus it opens up three things for me:

a) just a frisson, a hint, a delicious drop (!) of competition between Syd and Carmy

b) the question, beloved by fanfic writers everywhere, of what the dynamic between these two might have been if they had met in a different context.

c) a third, messier thing, about Carmy going away, tooling up, coming back and it needing to be worth something, that going way. As far as he knows at this point, It didn’t achieve what it was meant to achieve, it didn’t get Mikey’s attention. Maybe he didn’t need to leave Chicago to do it. Sydney's talent tickles that tension, as does Marcus's (trios, trios!). So what was it for? What were the past few years of his life for, if a bunch of this stuff was in Chicago all along?

Who was Carmy away from Chicago? Who is he without his family? We’ve only seen one flashback so far, very much from inside Carmy’s head. The way he tells it is very different from what we see. At Al Anon, he describes himself like this:

‘when somebody new came into the restaurant to stage, I’d look at them like they were competition, like I’m gonna smoke this motherfucker’.

But you're tall and sexy, so don't worry about it babes

Gosh. Yes Chef!

I don’t think Carmy holds anything like this level of aggression towards any of the original staff of the Beef: it would be absurd: they don’t have his training or experience. For the most part we see doing the work of pulling a team together, which explicitly involves putting that kind of competitiveness to the side.

I don’t think he has this energy for Sydney.

Not quite.

I do think it’s an important thing for us to learn about his character. I do think that we are told it at the beginning of Episode 8, after Sydney has quit, because there are ugly feelings around the risotto dish. I do think that those feelings drive a lot of how Review goes down, and that Carmy knows this.

This ferocious comparison and competition, used as a driving force, is a part of who Carmy is, and a part of the kitchens that he has come from. In another context, Sydney would have just been competition. And he’d have been trying to smoke her.

Let’s follow a humble bowl of risotto through THREE EPISODES, and about 5000 words, good GOD.

Tracing the Journey of the Risotto: Unanticipated

I tried to find appetising pics of her cooking the risotto but mostly it doesn't look very aesthetic, so here is Syd in my fave of her scarves.

A Risotto, playing on ‘tongue in cheek’ is first tentatively pitched in Sheridan, as an idea for a new menu that they have ‘spoken about’. Carmy is… noncommittal. He’s not into it, but he doesn’t say that, he just doesn’t really engage. I think there are a bunch of valid reasons to not be into it, tbh. I’ve ordered risotto to go. It’s always kind of gluey and disappointing. Sydney isn’t given a clear no, so she decides to cook it: it becomes something she has to convince him on.

He doesn’t get to try it in this episode as there are drugs to sell and about a million different fires to fight. We know that she dreams about this dish though. In this episode she talks about how thinking about her mistakes with Sheridan Road keep her up at night, but the last images of the episode are of her dreaming: beef… raspberries… cola… fire: there it is. Cola braised short rib. We’re back in the realm of deeply personal creative expression that I spoke about in part two. That anxious energy around failing with Sheridan Road? Is going somewhere else, is being transformed. This is important, and has the potential to be profoundly healing. This dish has meaning for her.

The dish returns in Ceres. Syd is an unstoppable force with the dish, and having said she wants to be listened to, is not listening to several requests from Carmy for more time. Stressful! He deals with it well, at first. He is calm, and polite and asks her to hold on. Which is not a no. But then -

‘I know everybody you used to work for, I called them before hiring you’

oooooh weeee.

There is nothing wrong with him seeking out references. His reasons are logical, and he’s transparent about them. Personally? I think it’s sensible to let employees know you’re seeking out references to avoid paranoia, but it’s not a legal requirement. People do it informally via whisper networks all the time, both purposefully and by accident. Gotta say though, the phrasing and the timing of this ‘reveal’ made me wince.

There are a million different theories of feedback, of how to give and receive it well. One argues that feedback must be asked for, accurate and measurable. If it’s not measurable, then you are nitpicking. If it’s not accurate, you’re hating. If it’s not asked for, or at least delivered in an environment where it’s anticipated, it is unlikely to be received well. Carmy, unfortunately, delivers a whopper of unanticipated feedback here: ‘me and all your old bosses (I know EVERYONE YOU USED TO WORK WITH)have been talking about you and they all agree on this flaw’.

YIKES

Would I let Syd stab me for a bowl of this? Maaaaybe. Maybe.

My reading is that he wanted to ask for her patience, and to say that his decision to pace out the changes is coming from experience, but he’s being backed into a corner, so he summons up the spectre of her old bosses for back up. Syd had opened up last episode, and is still very vulnerable about Sheridan, so he unintentionally wounds her here. We can read this in her response. He says her employers said she was smart, talented, green and impatient, she hears ‘me and everyone you’ve worked for think your business failed because you were green and impatient, that’s why you’re here, and why this dish can’t go on the menu’. This dish is getting entangled in so many other things about where they’ve come from.

He does take the time to reframe it: outlines his practical concerns, and starts to articulate that he wants to maintain calm before they make more changes -

And then Sugar is banging on the door, demonstrating his point.

At this point, Carmy is trying to build a parachute. They don’t have one when Jimmy comes to visit in Hands, but they do have one that becomes Richie’s bail by Braciole. Reserve building takes steady, dull consistency, but this isn’t communicated, and they don’t agree on a timeframe for the menu development, or even to come back to this conversation. This is small stuff, I know I sound nitpicky! But in my experience managing people, tension builds in the unknowns, in the places where there aren’t specifics, especially when you have a team member like Sydney who is ambitious and dynamic.

Sydney is firmly in the realm of the job that Carmy specified here. He is dialling business, she is doing everything else. If you’re a nerd and you zoom in on her CV, she has done menu development before. She is green, but not that green. She is impatient, but she also doesn’t have the same complicated relationship with change at the Beef that pretty much everyone else but Marcus does. The risotto is the first unofficial test of the impact of strain on their (messy ass) working dynamic, to Review’s much more official gauntlet.

Why would they write a proper CV and film it if they didn't want me to spend 5 minutes hitting pause repeatedly until I'd read it?

*squints* designed daily specials with complete creative control! At Alinea! A THREE STAR MICHELIN RESTAURANT! At the time they wrote this, it had held and retained those stars for twelve years! She is not new to this!

Tracing the Journey of the Risotto Two: Unmeasurable

They try again with the risotto later. She is a little more patient, initially. She makes the effort and he thanks her for it. He tries it, which she really wanted (surely that will convince him!), and she has modified her request, from to-gos, to trying it as a special. Her equivalent of baby steps. She listened. She’s trying. Lovely Angel and my main man Ebra come by, taste and support Carmy’s ‘tremendous’.

But here Carmy gives feedback that isn’t measurable. It’s not perfect, but he doesn’t say why, even though he knows, and it’s an easy fix! He’s nitpicking, because he doesn’t, for a bunch of practical reasons, want to put risotto on the menu, but doesn’t want to shoot her down. He asks her if she understands after she has explicitly said that she doesn’t (cus he’s not being up front), and then doesn‘t explain himself. He’s not really asking if she understands, he’s telling her to stop. It’s not really the dish that’s not ready, not really, it’s him, he’s not ready to make a new raft of changes, to think through the gap between the Michelin star excellence he has come from, and the budgetary, practical restrains of where he’s at.

I think this is really fair. Or at least understandable. Carmy just wants to catch a breath, and he has to have oversight on so many different things at once, adding something else to that must feel terrifying. But the way he communicates this shuts down and restricts: he switches the dynamic from one where they listen to each other (which requires that they both explain themselves) to one where he tells and she does. It doesn’t really give her anywhere to go, so her frustration is inevitable and also understandable. Measurable feedback! Clarity. If you don’t want risotto on the menu Carmy, rip the band-aid, and say it, and say why. Get her to work on something that is going to fit with the menu in a different way, in the way that you want, and be clear about the way in which you want to shape it!

He knows he’s not been great here. Carmy apologises for ‘being shitty’ later in the episode (as others have noted, it’s a shit apology) and he also starts his apology with ‘needs acid’ in 1:8. He knows that a lot of Review is to do with this dish.

When Carmy apologises about being shitty later in Ceres, she doesn’t mention that she put the dish out earlier. It’s framed as a little moment of.. if not revenge, then a little something for herself. I think she knows it’s not OK, not really, or she’d have mentioned it, and her face says a lot when she says it’s cool. I’m not a chef, I only ever worked FOH, but my instinct is that its dodgy and it fills me with unease. A grey area. A pop of tension.

Tracing the Journey of the Risotto Three: Hating

Whenever I think about the strikes, I think about the broader ensemble in this show.

The next time the risotto turns up, it’s being mentioned in a review. A lot happens here, so I’m gonna bullet point out all the references, then analyse some of them afterwards. I’m also gonna jump a whole bunch, cus I want to stay tightly focused on the risotto itself, and the dynamic between Syd and Carmy as relates to it:

Ebra reads the review out!

Syd has a lovely, gentle smile for Ebra as he reads it, her whole body relaxes as she taps at the tablet. This validation clearly means a lot to her. Ebra’s dynamic with both Sydney and Marcus is consistently a joy to behold. When he tells her in Dogs that she’s given Marcus a lot of confidence, she glows, and I think it’s something she really needed to hear. He’s subtle about it, but he never makes her life difficult when she implements the brigade. There’s something about the oldest member of the team, reading the review out, a little haltingly cus English isn’t his first language, that doubles down on the love that can be present in the Beef, making it all the more jarring when –

Carmy cuts across this and starts talking about the day’s opening with a ‘stop reading that shit’

Fam ‘that shit’ just described your food as elevated and elegant! In the foodie heaven that is Chicago! In your restaurant which is kind of failing! It’s your team’s first review since you’ve been there! So straight away you’re waiting for the other shoe to drop, because what has got his knickers in a twist?

Carmy is justified in being pissed off about Syd’s actions here. What he is not justified in, is not finding a way to celebrate the review itself with his team, who deserve to have this moment. It’s a milestone for them to get some external validation, and the restaurant, quite frankly, needs it. A five star review! Tina squeals with delight when she hears it. Before a new program and a busy shift is the perfect moment to read this out, and go into the work feeling good. A united, gassed up team? Would have killed those to gos.

Sydney is also responsible for this messiness though. In going rogue the episode before, something which could have been about the team becomes about her in a way that is sticky, and it becomes harder to celebrate. It was not her intention, but this is the outcome.

Ebra ignores Carmy

(cus he’s redundant and white JK JK don’t cancel me)

There is a double edged shout out to the team

‘the staff moves are next level’: this is such brilliant, important feedback from a team that has had to weather so much change! Also calls back to Richie: ‘Uh oh, Sydney making moves!’ in the car in Hands.

‘The sandwiches are so delicious as ever, but the standout dish that... that, that encapsulates all, this was the risotto with braised beef. The rice was luscious with a surprising ribbon of brine running through the sauce. The chef obviously knew what she was doing’

THAT REVIEWER IS A SNITCH

Did Syd know that reviewer was a reviewer? I dunno man. Maybe! She’s Chicago born and bred, knows the food scene well. It’s not outside of the realm of possibility that she’d recognise him. Maybe she just wanted some good immediate feedback, while she was feeling shitty! Maybe all she wanted was him to send a message back to the kitchen that’s like tell Syd the risotto was great: the impact of his Review but on a much smaller, less disruptive scale.

I think it’s genuine coincidence, which unfortunately looks… not like that. The thing is: the reviewer being a reviewer isn’t what the issue is. The issue is giving food not signed off by her boss to a customer. She'd have never gotten away with that at the places where she was before. Putting the dish out is going rogue, regardless of who she gives it to. It’s not a team move. If Carmy called in her old bosses for back up, she calls in his potential new customers. Eek. EEK.

Sydney desperately tries to get Ebra to shush, to no avail

(extremely funny work from Ayo, but also he’s pissed, and she either already knows it, or already antipates it – it’s hard to get a read on how long they’ve been in and when they learnt about the review)

‘river of brine, huh?’

Carmy, you little snark!!! This is very much his wheelhouse of expressing displeasure, he loves a little jab to the emotional solar plexus. My reading of his line is that what the reviewer tried and what Carmy tried are different, because if it had a ribbon of brine in it, I think that means that there was enough acid. Syd has two dishes, and she’s specific about Carmy trying one and not the other, so my reading here is that Carmy’s POV is not only did a dish go out of my kitchen without my sign off, but it was different from the dish I was given to try. Wince. Wince, wince, wince.

Sydney and Carmy have a fucking excruciating conversation.

Just the worst.

Carmy is not happy, but feels unable to voice this in a way that seems reasonable: he’s busy and stressed about to-gos, he hasn’t moved past the unreasonable feelings of resentment and annoyance to the clarity which enables you to articulate how you feel and why, and because Syd’s gamble paid off! It’s a net positive for the restaurant so it feels counterintuitive to reprimand her, but there is a conversation they need to have. He really does not want to have this conflict, because it’s complicated, and is, like most big blow outs over something small, about so much more than a plate of risotto. He breezes over the conversation, but you can’t start with that ribbon of brine opener and then tell me shit’s not weird.

Compare this to Brigade, when Sydney is asked what’s up, and she is brave enough and vulnerable enough to be like – here are the things that weren’t OK, here are my expectations, here are my boundaries.

On the other side of the conversation, Sydney knows that she has slipped across a slightly odd boundary, but doesn’t acknowledge this. It’s good he liked it! All’s well that ends well. Right? RIGHT? But if he hadn’t? Very different conversation. It doesn’t matter who he is! He could have been anyone - someone that left a weird Instagram comment later, or someone who didn’t finish the meal and complained. Whatever the case may be, giving it to him unofficially was not an act of partnership, or listening, even if the initial communication was shitty.

She knows she’s overstepped, but she doesn’t apologise and doesn’t acknowledge the specifics of what she’s done wrong, because she does not want to have the conflict that could come out of this either. She seeks affirmations that they are OK rather than trying to actually find out how Carmy feels and why, because at this point she doesn’t really want to hear it. She is seeking this conversation out 20 minutes before open! It’s not the time for a thorny, complex discussion.

Compare this to Brigade. Carmy knows Sydney is pissed, and makes the effort to speak to her, in private, armed with the peace offering of Ebra’s Suqaar. He is very careful in that conversation to ask open questions (‘what’s going on with you? Say more?’) that enable her to respond honestly. He persists despite her having her walls up around the fact that she’s pissed. Sydney does not do this. The power dynamic makes it hard, but still. If she wants the connection needed to power reconciliation, that bravery needs to be in play.

are you sure we can't just power through this with sexual tension?

Sweeps congratulates her and tells her she’ll have to tell her dad

Hope Mr Adamu got a newspaper clipping!

Carmy says the sandwiches are totally different and the reviewer is a fucking hack. Syd looks sad.

This moment is why I opened this essay talking about veal stock. We are back in a moment with a gap between what has been said, and what has been heard. The reviewer said the sandwiches were delicious as ever. That’s not a criticism at all! These are not words that justify being called a hack! Carmy is pissed because the reviewer says they are delicious and they always have been, that Carmy has not improved on the staple that was there before him.

And that shit hurts his ego!

His whole thing was going off to learn ‘how to be better than mom and dad’s piece of shit’. We know he’s changed a bunch of things about the sandwiches. In Hands, Sydney mentions that they’ve switched to market produce, which I’m sure is not unrelated to Richie’s ‘You’ve been here for two weeks and we’ve had money problems for two weeks’ in System. In Carmy’s time there, the bread’s changed, the method for cooking the beef has changed, the way they braise onions has changed.

To that customer? Delicious as ever.It’s not a dismissal, or an insult. It is a reminder that Carmy didn’t have to leave, and go through all he went through, that there was delicious food and skills to be learned and refined without it. We know Michael was a talented chef. Even now, with all of where he’s been, Carmy cannot surpass him or his memory.

The person that does surpass that? Is Sydney. With food his palate did not deem good enough! Sydney who has not had to leave Chicago and her family. Sydney who has found a way to be creatively free, even at The Beef, in ways that Carmy has not really been able to, because his primary concern has to be money. There is understandable resentment here. But there is competition to the way Carmy cooks, something to prove, someone to smoke. There are reasonable feelings here, but some of them are really ugly, too.

Tina describes Syd as Jeff’s friend

This is a strange little line – because we know that Tina respects Syd as a chef at this point, and she doubles down on it later when she asks Syd to teach Louis skills, like she herself has been taught. So why’s it there? My feeling is that it’s there to remind the audience of what Syd and Carmy’s relationship is usually like. I wouldn’t call it friendship, I think they operate in a weird place that defies labels, but they have this synergy which drives the business. Tina evoking that in this moment draws attention to the fact that they are not in that space right now.

He's just got a very sweet face, it's hard for me to believe he's in trouble at school

Richie has a loud, performative conversation with Carmy about many things, but for the purpose of this section, he states that they don’t do risotto, asks if they’re going to, and Carmy definitively states that ‘no, they’re not going to do that’ he also repeats Syd’s phrasing that it was ‘an accident’

She stabbed the wrong ass if you ask me!

Nah, but for real, this is nasty work. I’m gonna come back to it in the next (penultimate!) bit of writing about the Beef, the Bear, Richie & Michael, Syd & Carmy. For now, I will simply say that Carmy is doing up major pass agg here, and it’s nasty to watch. He’s really, really unhappy with her, and he’s struggling to hold it in, so it’s coming out in unhelpful and unpleasant ways that feel like humiliations in front of the whole team, and punishment.

There are really valid reasons for Carmy to be annoyed and to not want to talk about it right now. The problem is that If you don’t create a pressure valve you take responsibility for, you will end up a) exploding instead (lol) and/or b) releasing that frustration in unhelpful and harmful ways.

They move towards this with their ASL sorry in Season Two. But here, Carmy says and implies a bunch of things to Richie that he needed to say explicitly to Syd two episodes ago, and two minutes ago: that he has no intention of putting risotto on the menu, and that he thinks her saying it was an accident was bullshit. He wants Syd to know it’s not OK without the hard, painful work of having to engage in conflict with her. It’s shitty.

Sweet Louis asks what a ribbon of brine is

He seems like a good boy, bring him back!

A BUNCH OF STUFF THAT I WILL WRITE ABOUT NEXT TIME HAPPENS

Richie, Syd and Carmy, it’s delicious (a nightmare).

Syd attempts a second conversation with Carmy – having vented some frustration at Richie, and seeing how her workload is piling up and becoming untenable, she is much more open here. Carmy is not.

She’s blunt – we’re not on the same page. Carmy lies and deflects – we’re good, let’s get through the shift. He has his hands on his hips, with as much of his body turned away from her as possible, during this conversation, and walks off half way through it. Even if everything had gone right, this shift would have been a nightmare for Syd.

Everything is awesome!

The penultimate mention of the risotto is here. There is very little I can say that has not been brilliantly said by eatandsleepwell here - https://www.tumblr.com/hourglassfish/726487509540962304/eatandsleepwell-melonatures-this-one-second?source=share so I’m gonna link it.

That’s the last we hear of risotto for now, other than a quick reference to Syd as an arrogant and condescending ribbon of brine from Richie later. It doesn’t turn up on the tasting menu at the Bear, where it defo feels like a riff on risotto could have replaced one of their pasta dishes. That switch from rice to pasta feels pointed.

Spaghetti

Let’s treat The Beef as a character. If Sydney’s ingredient motif is veal stock, then The Beef’s is that family spaghetti.

Cheap and simple. Fucking delicious. Makes no sense and shouldn’t work, but was somehow the best seller on the menu. Distinctively Italian. Stuffed full of drug money(!). Always, always presented at the table with love, like a gift. You can elevate it if you want, but the fact of the matter is that even at its very best, it’s only gonna hit so hard cus it reminds you of simpler times, like the ratatouille (that is not a ratatouille!) from the movie Ratatouille.

Carmy rejects that meal at the top of the series. It ‘doesn’t make sense on the menu’, so he doesn’t care that people loved it. So far, so EMP. When he starts to cook it in episode one, it feels like a relenting to Richie’s bullying, and him throwing WHAT WE NOW KNOW WAS PROBABLY A FEW THOUSAND DOLLARS in the bin at the end of the episode feels like this exhilarating rejection of mediocrity. They change the lines for System, but in the pilot, Carmy literally cannot make the spaghetti, that last lesson from Michael is a real missing puzzle piece.

In Braciole, when he gets the recipe, he goes to cook it, for family. It’s really nice, that scene, feels comparable to Sydney making omelette. It’s quiet, and Carmy seems content, if wistful. The pork instead of beef panic of earlier is put to the side for now. The previous day, Carmy has gone to Al-Anon and confessed, unburdened himself. Then followed two quiet days and a blue hued night of atonement: he reaffirmed his commitment to Richie, paying his bail and keeping watch all night, gave Tina the night off, apologised to Marcus and acknowledged that his behaviour towards Sydney wasn’t acceptable, as well as speaking to her about her dish, like an adult. Carmy has to do all of this before he finds the money, before he gets the validation that he’s really longing for from his brother.

JAW getting his Emmy, his Golden Globe, his SAG Award, his Bafta, his future Oscar Winning role.

If The Bear at its core is about grief, and the void that Michael’s death leaves, then one of the big journeys of Season One is the subsequent death of the Beef, ready for its rebirth as The Bear in the following season. Review is the short sharp stab to the gut, of Sydney leaving, and taking any hope that it can be reformed as is, with her work. I don’t think the nature of a puncture wound, and the shortness of that episode are unrelated.

Braciole is more of a death rattle: Jimmy’s debt keeping them trapped in shitty work they don’t want to do, situations that spiral out of control and descend into violence, their parachute turned to bail money. But Michael wanted more for his brother than that, and he has left him a foundation. He does not have to burn the place down, there need not be smoke and hellfire. There’s another avenue for rebirth, one where ‘set this place on fire’ does not have to mean an insurance scam, but instead can mean an ignition of all their ambition and dreams.

To get there there has to be an ego death first, a moment of hubris that gets our protagonists fresh, and clean, so they can move to the new. Sydney sees and experiences the worst of herself (more on this in the final part!). Richie gets stabbed (more on this in the next part).

Carmy? Carmy has to encountera crisis where not only could his training not save him but many of the lessons he learnt while he was away and his reasons for going in the first place actively made the situation worse, and those that had faith in him and his preferred system turned away from him, deeply hurt. His ego gets in the way of connection, and it shatters the partnership that he needs to make it all work. He is clinging to old ways of being that has not served him, but he needs to move forward into what is new. And he does.

Well.

He tries.

SMDH

WHEW

Another long one, sorry fam. I’m almost there though. Am I sorry? No, I’m grateful if you read it, and I hope you enjoyed it.

I hope I’m pulling this together coherently, that I’m showing a sort of throughline to the way I view Episode 7. I don’t think Sydney is perfect! I do think her walking out is narratively and politically (the show wants better for the workplaces its drawn from) necessary, and I hate, hate, hate the simplification of that decision to ‘he shouted at her so she bailed’. Please, you can’t think this show is well written and think her decision is as simple as that, it doesn’t make sense. That exit is crafted so that it is inevitable, there is a movie’s worth of build up to it.

We’re looking at Richie, Syd and Carmy next time, fam. I am trying so hard to cut it down cus it’s currently sat at 15,000 words, but I’m gonna try really hard to edit down, OK? I’m gonna try really hard.

I can’t respond but I value reblogs and comments so much!

This is part of a five part series! You can find the rest here:

Expect More: Syd and Carmy's relationship,

I know you'll be listening: Marcus, McDonald's and Freedom

Risottogate

Hiring New Fucking Broads: Syd, Richie and conflict;

"That's Not You" The Moment Syd Walks Out

#the bear #carmy berzatto #sydney adamu #the bear meta

127 notes · View notes

yuu--dachi · 11 months

Text

a joy to be hidden, a disaster to not be found

hewwo! it's my first fic in a while and also the first fic on this blog. wahoo!! and it's.... an x reader fic which i've also never done before!! and also for genshin!! wahoo!!

ships: alhaitham x reader / you (gender neutral)

content: hurt/comfort, fluff, lowkey pining from alhaitham, reader experiences a panic attack, written in reader's pov but switches to alhaitham for a bit at the end, alhaitham says Sorry cus i like to make him do that 😎

words: 4k (help girl how did i let it get this long...)

synopsis: in which a haravatat scholar realises that everything is not as simple as it is, our body betrays us at every second of every hour, and the three times alhaitham finds you, no matter what.

this reader is for all the babygirls (gender neutral) out there who feel things so deeply and we are all crybabies. i see you, i hear you, and i love you!! we're all bad bitches who are easily moved and touched by the world around us and that's lovely!! keep shining your light on this world, friends!

i'm taking requests for drabbles and quick fics or poetry! whatever inspo strikes me 😴

---

the first time he finds you, alhaitham says:

“the solution is quite simple.”

and you find your fist in wanting of purchase in his face.

“this wouldn't be a problem had you realised your limits before your entire body broke down. surely, i don't have to cite research papers for you to understand that it is important to take note of one's mental health accordingly, as an adult with agency in your own life? then you don't have to find comfort in the mouth of a beer mug.”

he was surprisingly chatty today, and at any other time you would have loved to relish in making him speak for so much for so long. getting him to talk so much was like trying to scrape the bottom of the jar for the last smidgens of berry jam, and you savoured it just as well.

but not today.

“alhaitham, you're not in my shoes, so stop trying to make me walk down the same path you do.”

he tipped his head, confused. ��what's wrong with my path? i have no relationship problems—”

“because you don't maintain any.”

“—no financial burdens—”

“because you don't spend it on anything.”

“—and no personal problems.”

“because you don't bother with anything you don't care for,” you sighed out.

“if i didn't maintain any relationships, then why am i here? and if i didn't spend any money, then why is the bill under my name? and if i didn't bother with anything i don't care for, then why am i with you, right now, instead of reading at home?”

he flicks your nose; you sniffle in response and bury your face into the hard table, slightly damp from your tears.

“i don't know,” you whispered, the words leaving you without a thought. “why are you here, alhaitham?”

“if i follow your reasoning, it's because i'm bored, have money, and don't care to be anywhere else. does that answer satisfy you?”

a silence between both of you, even though the tavern was filled with the sound of chatter and the tinkling of dishes and cutlery. “...no.”

“then why upset yourself?”

you remove your face from the table and look at him, despite your eyes red and puffy from crying, nosy runny, and a wood grain pattern imprinted on your cheek and forehead. “i just wanted to hear you say it.”

he hums, thoughtful.

(despite his demeanour, he was rarely thoughtless about anything. even if he didn't make decisions you would've done.)

“because i care about you,” he let the words out slowly, like testing how they roll off the tongue. like learning a new language. “is that alright?”

you plant your face back into the table, all too-aware of your red eyes that must've sparkled, your lips that wanted to become a songbird in return for such simple words. “mm-hmm. thank you.”

“you're very welcome.”

***

the second time alhaitham finds you, you are under a table.

“go away for a bit,” the words come out of your mouth clumsily, like tripping over your own feet in haste. “this one's t-taken.”

your humour probably didn't land as well as you hoped. the stuttering of the heart in your chest beating like a butterfly's wings in flight, like it had ambitions of flying out of your chest instead of remaining behind your ribcage where it belonged. to your credit, it was hard to think of a joke in the middle of everything that was happening in your body. you would've rated yourself fairly well, all things considered.

alhaitham didn't seem to agree, although he didn't frown at you. he tends to voice out his disagreements vocally rather than through things like body language—you know, like a machine would when you press the wrong button?

if he knew what i'm thinking right now, he would probably say that it's one of the virtues of studying under haravatat—classic alhaitham!

instead of saying anything immediately though, he sat cross-legged in front of you, his eyes wandering, seemingly…. observing? what was he looking at? you're sure you could've tell if your mind was clearer, but you couldn't at the moment.

“does it not hurt?” he asked, then, from your face dipped over your hunched knees, you heard two raps of a knock on the desk. “this is the desk made with athel wood, isn't it? it's very durable, but it's difficult for the city craftsmen to make full use of them right now because of how hard it is. the edges don't look sanded enough.”

“i-it's fine,” you choke out, and then breathed in and out for a proper response. “i don't mind it so much.”

he raised a brow in return. oh, you think, so now he's going to use body language, is he?

too bad you couldn't savour it this time too.

“as long as it's pressing against me, i'm… okay.”

you hear him hum in understanding, like he does when he reads a well written proposal.

“is that why you chose this desk in particular? the others were too high and wide and you couldn't make contact with the wood?”

before you realised it, it was easier for you to speak now, even though your heart was still pounding, and your skin felt raw. you didn't usually try to talk when you were experiencing… whatever this is.

“yeah. i just need… to feel safe.”

before you realised it, your face was no longer tucked between your knees, but instead resting on them as you avoided looking him in the eyes.

“i see,” he said, and he paused before saying: “would you mind if i tried something?”

you hesitated, and your eyes finally meet. “i don't know, what are you going to do?”

“i'm going to hold you in my arms,” he said, and switched from sitting cross legged to having his knees tucked under him, arms open and his hands stretching for yours. “if you don't mind.”

in any other situation, you wouldn't have minded. you'd say: maybe it'll start snowing in the desert today! should we start preparing for the oncoming winter?

but now….

you were a mess—just like you were in the tavern that night, too. red ringed on your puffed-up eyes, sweat drenching your clothes and making your back feel as humid as the rainforests at night, and you could barely eke out a word before seemingly using up every bit of air in your lungs, like a newborn babe that only knew how to cry.

you didn't know how to tell all of this to alhaitham. sorry, can i go change into better clothes first? can i save this hug for another time when i'm completely sane and sober to take full advantage of it? can you wait till i ice my eyes so i can look at you properly?

instead, what came out of your mouth was: “i'm disgusting right now.”

he hummed, and you weren't sure if it was his i'm-considering-how-to-reply-to-this-idiotic-situation hum or i-see-where-you're-coming-from hum.

“i can see why you'd think that, but that's irrelevant.”

ah. so it was both.

“why do you want to hold me?”

“i want to see if i can do a better job than a desk,” he says, and you feel a smile ghost your face, only because you see him wearing one too. a small smile, simple like him.

“i probably smell really bad. i'm sweating so much right now.”

“that's fine. i'll stop breathing through my nose.”

“my eyes are really red too. it's not that i don't want to look at you, it's that i'm too embarrassed to.”

“i can just close my eyes.”

“my heart is pounding really painfully right now, and it's hard to talk.”

“i'll ask questions that are easy to answer then.”

finally, you relented. “...is it really okay?”

“yes.”

after you confirmed that he couldn't smell you and couldn't see you, you slowly inch from under the desk and into his lap, where he then wrapped his arms around you. not tightly or passionately, but a sort of reassuring grip—like he wouldn't let you fall.

“how does it feel?”

“you're probably better than my desk,” you laughed out, and the sound felt strange to your ears, just moments after you were alone and crying and hyperventilating under a desk in a room by yourself.

“glad to be of service.”

you laughed again. “i don't think even the other sages from the akademiya can ever get you to say those words.”

“because they can't. if any of them leapt into my arms asking for a hug, i'd redirect them to doctor zakariya.”

you laughed again, and you were glad you made him promise to close his eyes. the sight of alhaitham smiling slightly at you, and the sight of your smile looking at him would've convinced anyone that you were starstruck by him. you didn't feel up to being publicly humiliated at the moment.

the two of you spent the next few minutes—which felt like hours—in each other's embrace (well, yours in his, mostly), and soon your breathing steadied. from the high tides and low crests of your chest rising and falling asynchronously, it returned to the rhythm of the afternoon tides of port ormos.

although it was a difficult question to ask, you asked anyways. “are you not going to ask me what happened?”

“one of the six sins of any scholar under the akademiya is to interfere in human evolution,” he began, and you felt a smile coming before he even finished. “i assume it was your body's way of protecting you against a threat. although—”

he opened his eyes, and you would've tried to stop your smiling by any means before he could see you, but he was wearing a smile of his own, and you couldn't help but dig your fingers deeper into his arms.

“—the nature of the threat and it's scale remains unknown to me still. you have a way with handling problems, after all.”

you gave him a big smack on his chest, fists closed for maximum impact. “ouch!”

how did that hurt you instead of him?

“a good rule of self defense is hard parts against soft targets, and soft parts on hard targets. you shouldn't have closed your hand. a slap would work better.”

“how was i going to know your chest was literally rock hard?!”

“i thought you might have some inkling. i've noticed your stare a few times before.”

you wanted to throw yourself into the abyss.

you couldn't, so instead, you took his hand and bit his fingers as the next best thing.

a small ouch sounded from him, though you couldn't tell if it was genuine or for the sake of making you feel better. you laid your head back against his chest, arms now wrapped around him in return.

“thanks, alhaitham.”

“you're very welcome,” he muttered in response, and you almost didn’t hear him.

“you’re not going to tell me that the solution is simple, or that i was the one that caused this thing in myself?”

he hummed.

“no,” he started, and you wanted to collapse in relief. “i am a scholar of haravatat, not amurta. i don’t understand the subject matter enough to say in any confidence or plausibility that the way your—or anyone’s—body works is simple. if it was that simple, then we wouldn’t have an entire field dedicated to it. and i do wish it were that simple, sometimes. then perhaps so many scholars wouldn’t have written audacious sounding proposals that i’d have to read thoroughly just to reject.”

you snickered. “what does haravatat’s wisdom has to say about me?”

for a moment, you see his eyes soften, straying away from yours.

“that your body failing you is not a moral or intellectual inadequacy on your part. that we do not have full control of ourselves, even if we would like to. that, perhaps…”

“perhaps?”

his gaze returns to you. “...perhaps, we are all more fallible than we see ourselves.”

“only you see yourself as infallible. i know very well how my body betrays me every second of every day. it’s one of the things that comes with being in touch with my own emotions, don’t you know?”

the teasing was meant to be lighthearted, as you knew he didn’t mean anything he said before in a dogged way. his words was not thorny on purpose like a bramble bush, just rough to the touch like a tongue’s cat. there were days where his words striked too much like an arrow through you, and days where the coarseness only brushed your ankles like standing in sand. you loved and cared for him despite that.

suddenly, he pulled you tighter against him, and you squeaked. “alhaitham? Is everything okay?”

no answer. you shifted in your position to make yourself more comfortable, and with whatever left strength you could muster, you rub your hands over his back in calm, soothing circles. “there, there.”

your voice reverberated through your body, and you continued to hold him reassuringly, hoping that enough exposure to having him be so close to you would cure your racing heart and your voice, almost crumbling at his touch.

it was good how self conscious of yourself you were. then, you wouldn’t be able to tell that his heart was racing, too.

***

the third time he finds you, it was not so much being found as it was being chased.

it was just one of those days that went wrong in every way it could’ve gone wrong. you stubbed your toe after getting out of the shower, your research project was going nowhere despite your multiple reminders to your groupmates, and even the way the sticky-sweet baklava clung to your teeth annoyed you.

worst of all, you had a fight with alhaitham.

now that you think of it, it could hardly be called a fight. you’ve seen full-grown adults in akademiya gowns act pettier in a structured debate, and you were sure that if you had asked alhaitham—truly asked, with no contempt or malice—he would’ve presented to you a perfectly reasonable explanation why he didn’t act like an asshole and moreso sounded like one.

right. the only person that was taking things too seriously was you. it had always been you.

it wasn’t that you wanted to be less emotional. you had spent too much time in your formative younger years denying the fact that you simply felt things more deeply, more quickly, than others. it was difficult to accept that you simply had thinner skin than most people—that, on a bad day, the veil of privacy that stood between your emotions and the outside world was nothing but sheer silk that fluttered all too easily with an evening breeze.

the ‘fight’ was nothing spectacular, either. It wasn’t as if you two were having an intellectual discussion as two scholars, rigorously going through peer review on a research paper. it wasn’t as if neither of you would come out of it having respected each other a little less.

but, like the person that you are, so tethered to the heart that it kept your feet frozen sometimes, it had hurt you deeply.

it truly was nothing spectacular. you simply wanted to vent about your terrible groupmates, and you thought that it would be nothing more than a venting session over drinks, getting sober, and then buckling down to do the job once you were ready again in the morning.

but it escalated. he, also seemingly irritable that night, kept bringing up questions, solutions, to your dismay. at any other time, you would’ve let it slide and shelved it as simply alhaitham being alhaitham—a man who wanted life to be simple and easy, fixing problems before they sprung. however, what you needed that night was not a fixer or a tinkerer with all his haravatat wisdom. you needed alhaitham the drinking buddy, the one that would foot the bill, the one that held you in his arms and wanted to be of more comfort than the desk you hid under.

“i just wish you would just—listen!”

“i am listening. it’s just that it’s difficult to keep my words to myself, seeing as this problem can be easily fixed, if you weren’t so fixated on unnecessary things.”

“unnecessary? i don’t like them, but it doesn’t mean that i want to snitch on them!”

“what’s stopping you? they clearly don’t respect you. who else can they blame but themselves as the logical consequence of their actions if you do tell on them? they are adults in their own capacity, and the akademiya is not a place for people to loiter around, seeking for forgiveness for one’s own incompetence. their lesson is theirs to learn.”

“i have my own way of fixing things, alhaitham. you may not care about other people’s feelings, but i do! and i’d rather work it out clearly with them rather than resort to underhanded tactics just to have my life go a little smoother.”

“then tell me, why hasn’t your way of fixing problems worked? only an idiot would employ the same methods over and over again, hoping it’ll work the next time.”

he didn’t call you an idiot directly, but he didn’t have to. the insult found its way to you just the same.

even if you did, you couldn’t fully deny it either. in the perspective of alhaitham, perhaps everyone else other than him was a dimwit full of hot air. the thought that the same applied to you, who you thought had a pretty close relationship with him, stung the most.

he had tried to talk to you and reach out multiple times (although, by your estimates, his attempts were somewhat weak and clumsy), and you kept him out of your house with a badly made sign that said ‘TRESPASSERS BEWARE’ above an aranara carving that looked—in your opinion—pretty scary.

on these days, it was difficult. you couldn’t touch yourself, feeling so raw that you feared that wherever your hand brushed, you would come away bleeding.

there were at least some good news though: your groupmates finally decided to cooperate with you for the project, and you were extremely thankful for it. it turns out that they all had personal issues that made it difficult to speak out on, and now that they realised that you wouldn’t judge them for whatever excuse they may have, they confided in you, and everything went as smoothly as you could hope for.

the four of you celebrated at the tavern, drinks in hand at 3 p.m. in the afternoon. the boss, seeing this particular group of inebriated students, simply shook his head and smiled defeatedly. by the time the sky changed colours, only you were left sitting alone at your table after having escorted the other three to their homes to get some well-earned rest. you would have left soon after, if not only for the fact that you had ‘bumped’ into alhaitham and he ordered a drink to have at your table.

“i was right,” was the first thing you said to him, and you enjoyed the look on his face when the words left your mouth. “i was right. everything turned out like i hoped it would.”

he tilted his head. “surely you can’t expect for luck and fortunate circumstances to befall you every time?”

“i don’t. i don’t, but… i’ll keep doing what i’m doing. i like it when everyone is happy. things won’t always go the way i want them to, but i’ll keep doing it, because it’s important to me that i try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, that i don’t walk the easy road if it means i’ve passed by something meaningful just to suffer a little less in my own life.”

“you sound like kaveh.”

you chuckled. “that sounds like a compliment to me. thank you.”

when his drink arrived, alhaitham nudged it your way across the table. you raised a brow. “what’s this for?”

“to say i’m sorry.”

“words aren’t enough for you?”

“words are only enough for people who trust others to tell the truth,” he paused, then added: “and i don’t.”

you hummed, then leaned back in your chair. “pretend, then, that we are two people who trust each other to tell the truth, and that we would believe in each other no matter what. what would you say?”

his green-red eyes flickered, and you didn’t know from what. if it was with other people, you could hazard a guess, sure—but alhaitham was different from the people you’ve met, and you did not want to presume what his heart feels.

(even if he claims that it’s only there to keep him alive.)

“when i couldn’t see you, i still thought of you, and i didn’t know what to do. i want to apologise for insulting you with my words, even if i didn’t mean to. i failed to calculate the exact way they had sounded until it reached my own ears and i saw how hurt you were.”

you said nothing, but nodded slightly as a go-on.

“i like it when things are simple, but that didn’t mean i wanted you to be simple. i just wanted things to be simple for you, and i unreasonably tried to force my perspective onto yours and ended up hurting you in the process. and for that…” he seemed to have trouble wrangling the words out of his throat, and you would’ve laughed if he didn’t look so pained. you reached out for his hand on the table, resting yours atop his. “...and for that, i am deeply sorry.”

you hummed. another moment to savour.

there was still one more thing you needed to clear up, though.

“...do you think i’m an idiot?”

unlike mere moments ago, the words shot out of his mouth before he even tried to rein them in. “no. not at all. i’ve never once thought you were.”

you smiled at him, somewhat self-deprecatingly. “but you don’t like how emotional i am.”

“it’s not a matter of liking or disliking. your emotions serve a purpose in your decision-making. it’s simply that… i do not like the experience of having to see you go through things that hurt you, even if you’re willing to do so.”

ah, so that’s what it is.

“alhaitham, do you care about me?”

his eyes, previously unfocused, darted back to meet your unflinching gaze. “have my actions indicated otherwise?”

you couldn’t help it. you snorted. “alhaitham, the line between caring for a person’s wellbeing out of courtesy rather than concern is a very thin line. at least, for the rest of us who you might call ‘drama queens’ and ‘fake socialites’.”

maybe he didn’t realise it, but his brows scrunched under your scrutiny, and you couldn’t help but feel joy at the fact that you made alhaitham, someone so aloof and disenchanted, truly perplexed.

“do you not know the answer already?”

“i do,” you say, and you were sure that your smile was infuriating him now. “i just wanted to hear you say it.”

a silence between both of you, even though the tavern was filled with the sound of chatter and the tinkling of dishes and cutlery.

“i do care for you. deeply. does this answer satisfy you?”

“yep!” you smiled, and alhaitham wasn’t one to offer prayers of gratitude to the sevens above, but he was glad that you were so self-conscious of yourself to be blind to the way he leaned forward in his seat, his one hand tightly clutched under the table, and the way he wished he could bottle your smile and indulge in it on a rainy day, if he could.

ah well, alhaitham thought, tomorrow is another day without them realising.

#alhaitham x reader #genshin x reader #alhaitham x you #genshin x you #genshin fics: mine #alhaitham #alhaitham fanfic #genshin fanfic #genshin x reader hurt comfort

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yesloulou · 2 months

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Hi friend.

Actually just today, my friend and I was talking about Daniel after the race. He’s been watching F1 for way longer then me. I expressed my concern over the last two weeks even though this is only the beginning of the szn. He said and I summerised, currently DR can only be in midfield teams is cus while he dose have the skills, he’s too unserious for like SF or MER, but his unseriousness brings great publicity for midfield teams.

I think in some aspects this may be true. But It’s just, like, idk, thought of this hits me. I know this jester aura (?) often surrounded him and people saying it’s great for marketing and stuff, but isn’t that a bit unfair tho? Maybe DR is always DR, way before F1 he is DR, and now all of a sudden his a publicity stun.

(feel sad for millionaires)

Idk what will happen after this szn but I really hope he keeps racing.

You know when you look at someone and look at what they do, you just go like, yeah for sure that’s what they do? I look at Daniel and I have this feeling. He’s a racer, always have been and always will, maybe he’ll go to Indy or some other competitions if this doesn’t work out, but in heart he’s a racer, he belongs to the track and the speed.

That’s just how I feel, and don’t really know who I can say this to, so thank you for letting me vent.

Wish him all the best for home race.

this is so sweet (the way you worry for daniel's prospects) and '(feel sad for millionaires)' got me irl lol 😭 your friend sounds like he's watched f1 for a long time but i would disagree with his conclusion. i provide that:

allegedly ferrari decided to not go for daniel after seeing him dance with daniil kvyat in the pit lane to entertain fans during rain delay at usgp 2015. the situation first of all was fortunately and unfortunately more nuanced than daniel being "unserious". the ferrari at the time was also run by arrivabene during bernie ecclestone's f1 reign. the ferrari today, two team principles later and after liberty media's f1 takeover, has changed in many ways. for example, in 2022 they had charles and carlos do this tiktok trend which definitely, definitely flirted with "the boundaries" (whatever that means) way more. so no, even tho daniel doesn't drive for ferrari, i wouldn't say he is "too unserious" for them.

merc is considered a more "corporate" environment in f1, example is valtteri's change in public image after leaving mercedes. however given that at the end of 2022 toto went as far as literally wearing daniel's merch in an attempt to reserve him for mercedes, i'd say obviously they don't consider daniel "too unserious" either.

publicity in f1 just generally cannot be a bad thing. more people interested in watching a driver means more sponsors willing to pay $$$$ to put their names and logos onto their livery. and more $$$$ means better chances at making a faster car, which is a goal of every team's. one can argue that a successful and financially secure team like red bull or ferrari might not be attracted to the benefit of a driver's popularity as much. but again, sports rely on viewership to sell broadcasting rights and ad spots, and publicity just generally can't be a bad thing.

i know the first two races were not great but this season literally just started. nothing is real yet. and daniel at least ended this week on a positive note so even more reasons to look ahead. the thing about f1 is that there is one winner and nineteen others. so as long as you're watching you're basically guaranteed more bad days than good ones. we can't all be watching bc we all believe our blorbos will be wdc, right? we watch and hope that something good might just happen. like if you think about it even though daniel has been out here causing us stress all these years he still manages to pull off minor to major miracles every year or two. this hopefulness is very precious so i say we watch it for that.

anyways. i hope this made you feel better and more excited about the season ❤️❤️❤️

#season that we’re gonna watch together so worry not!!!!!#asks #*#daniel ricciardo #txt

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adelarsims · 3 months

Note

Hi XD

I actually do wanna learn more ab them! And I have a few specific questions if you don't mind!

How old are they really?

They seem a bit obsessed with looking young, is there a reason for that?

Why don't they use a wand if it helps keep their hands looking younger?

What changed them from a snob to a slightly more uhm personable person?

What do they teach?

Also here is your excuse to ramble about world building and magic cus I love this stuff

Another more vague one, you mentioned their childhood was rough, can you talk more ab that?

Finally because I feel like I'm overstaying my welcome, how did they discover they have feelings for Caleb?

1. let’s just say over a hundred. caleb once told cassie that 100+ years old feels better than 97 or something, because there's something romantic about being 'over a hundred', like straight out of a fairy tale, while 97 is just a really old grandpa :D

2. when they imagine looking in the mirror and seeing their hair grey and face wrinkled, they're terrified. it’s not a simple vanity - many spellcasters share this fear, when you don't see the constant flow of time when you look in the mirror, your image of yourself freezes like a fly in the amber - and going back into that flow gets more and more terrifying because it feels like suddenly the end nears faster. not all spellcasters choose to prolong their life, but those who do find it hard to stop. as for the youthful look... i think Morgyn just craves to feel at their peak, being the perfect image of themselves in everything. they were deprived of feeling worthy in their early years, so they keep proving and proving otherwise. especially after some discoveries about themselves that upended their understanding of who they are and thrown them into a deep identity crisis – they would grasp at all perfection that is still within their power to maintain. well... maybe it's also a bit of vanity, too.

3. it’s just more natural for them to cast with their hands and gives them access to much stronger magic. a wand doesn’t hold any magic itself, it’s like a laser pointer for magical energy, helps to focus and direct it. spellcasters need wands, innate mages don’t, though they of course can use them too. hand magic is raw, it’s more powerful but requires mastery and precision, and allows to weave spells that aren’t accessible to wand users, because wand is a single-channel magic focus, so to speak, and hand magic allows multi-channeling it (so basically, there's a limit that former humans who learned magic can do, and for innate mages this limit is very far, if existing at all)

4. oh no, don’t mistake a snob for an insufferable asshole. they were always personable. they’re likeable, cheeky, warm and affectionate to those they’re close with, especially those who appreciate and accept them, even though their position as a grand sage and academia headmaster naturally made them more reserved. and they’re still snobbish about magic, they know no one will do it better than them when it comes to spells, tend to nitpick mistakes in others' spellcasting, and get annoyed when someone is being lazy or unreasonably cocky with their magic. they just were hot-headed about people doubting their prowess as a student, but they have matured a lot and have good self control now.

5. mostly advanced elemental magic, and a few arcane disciplines i’ve yet to find names for. magic schools in my morgynverse are quite different from what they are in the game, for example, practical school isn’t about cleaning dishes. it covers healing, herbalism and potions, enchanting equipment, crafting amulets, like that. the new jewery creating pack will work so damn good for my story, i can’t wait!

6. i already gave bits and pieces here and there on this post. i can tell you a couple minor things if you want. there’s a plant that is used in potions, it’s called cyclop’s brain, it has huge leaves and massive seed pods, and tiny tiny seeds. also, every four years, on 29th of february, “the day that does not exist”, the academia holds a huge event called Masquerade of Mysteries, it’s grand and magical and everyone is allowed to go all out with enchantments and costumes, every student and teacher is looking forward to it.

7. i’m not sure how much i should say considering that i hope to start telling my story one day and it’s a spoiler, but let’s just say they weren’t really accepted for who they are and were considered dangerous even though they never gave anyone any reason to be afraid of their magic (it’s not simply about them being a mage, that wouldn’t be as much of a problem as their origin)

8. slowly. eventually. they were physically attracted to Caleb from the beginning, but it’s doing right by one another that truly brings people together. Caleb was there for Morgyn when they needed it most.

#adelar ask #adelar’s storytime #morgyn ember

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vintagexherry · 9 months

Text

Child's Play [4]

Part 3 here

YandereBully!Miguel O'Hara x Reader

//Bullying, degradation, mentions of bribery, Threating, Miguel being rich and a playboy, ooc Miguel, mentions of beating someone

Previously

You and Steven quickly leave the cafeteria leaving Miguel and his girl to go on their way but Miguel watches as you listen to him intently something about Egyptian gods.

And as you go further and futher away from him, not even sparing him a glance or a glare or anything, he swears he feels his eye twitch at what he just witnessed.

You and Steven gotten real close since that incident in the cafeteria

Miguel notices

Miguel doesn't like it one bit

Weeks pass since that day and you've been doing a good job at avoiding him now that you finally have a "friend" to go with time to time.

Although you and Steven aren't taking the same course, Both of you still bonded tightly, bonding over what you hate in the school, subjects that you both take, and Steven's strange fond with Egyptian mythological gods especially someone that's named Konshu.

You could admit everytime he talks about it, it is interesting learning about something you never paid attention to. But of course you can't bond all the time due to difference in courses.

Miguel notices

Miguel takes advantage of it.

Everytime you don't have your weird, shy, history freak of a buddy with you, he would always sit next to you, always comment about what you wear, kick you under the table cus he "feels like it" and of course degrade you for the little things.

He already does this since high school, but you hate it when he drags Steven into it.

"You two been fucking or what? Can't say I'm surprised with how much you two are getting real close, plus you've been smiling like some idiot."

You sighed, and tried ignoring you as you take down notes on what the teacher was discussing, but Miguel didn't like that since he kicked your feet under the table and you wince from the pain.

"You know it's rude to ignore someone who's talking to you."

You tried ignoring him again, and you succeeded since the bell started ringing.

You quickly got up, fixed your things, and followed the rest of the students out of the room, and as you went out, you already spotted Steven, who was fiddling with his shirt, waiting for you.

"Hey Steven!" You waved at him, and he waved back and started approaching you, but before he could reach you, somebody blocked his path.

None other Miguel.

"Y/N, you left your pen." You looked up annoyed to Miguel but he was right.

In front of you is a pen you probably dropped when you were fixing your things.

"Oh uh...Thanks?" You tried reaching for it, but Miguel quickly put it out of reach.

"Ah ah ah, you know the magic word"

You tried retorting but Steven intervened

"Y/N! let's uh...let's go, we can get another pen, and uh- Ha-have a nice day mate" Steven said to Miguel while dragging you by the hand to go to the cafeteria and you blushed at the skin contact and once again left Miguel to seeth at the interaction.

□■□■□■□■□■□■□■□■□■

As school continues you and Steven sadly didn't get to see each other as much as you like, but you can't blame him afterall, Exams are starting up and taking a toll on you and everybody else.

For all these months you and Steven were nothing but best friends and you couldn't even comprehend how happy you feel despite how much Miguel tortures you.

Speaking about Miguel, it seems like exams are also taking a toll on him since he lessened a bit on bullying you. He may be an arrogant and rich kid, but he knows hard work when he sees one.

Right now, you were in the library, studying over notes, writing additional words, and reading out lessons.

You suddenly hear a chair being pulled next to you, you turned to your side expecting to see Steven but instead you got Miguel who proudly set down a stack of books and pencils and sat down next to you.

"Wow, you look terrible." Miguel noted monotonously. "Anyway, I notice you took notes during classes, mind if I copy from them?"

"If I let you copy from them, would that you leave faster?" you retorted

Miguel chuckled, trying to avoid his twitching hand, begging to punch the attitude out of you.

"Little Y/N growing a backbone now, huh? Be thankful I didn't sell your panties to some hobo on the street or a perv in this school."

Never mind the perverts in this school, He's one of them!

....What

He still has it?!

Before you could ask about it, Miguel snatched the notebook closest to him, the strength almost ripping a page out.

"Wha- Hey!" you tried grabbing it back but Miguel is always too quick for you.

"Can you stop your attitude for a while? I'm surprised that Steven guy even tolerates you."

"Can you stop dragging Steven down? He's a great guy, so much better than you." You retorted, going back to your notes, ignoring the way he stares you down.

Miguel started to write down his own notes, copying yours.

"You know, after exam week, prom is gonna commence soon"

You know where this is going.

"I know what you said during the cafe before, but I think we're in a better place now yea?"

Better place???????

For all you care he's gotten worse since high school.

"So what do you think, hermosa? Don't worry bout transpo, I got it cov-"

"No"

Miguel pauses for awhile, his hands gripping the edge of the table.

No? You're saying no to the man where girls would beg on their knees to go out with.

You either really grew a backbone or your brain disintegrated away.

Miguel covers his shock with chuckling it off.

"Fine then, lost your chance. With that attitude, I don't really expect anyone to ask you out, You better be thankful I took the time to do it"

Miguel rambled on. At first, it was annoying, but then you thought, doesn't this guy have a girlfriend of something?

Then you also remembered the women he went out with only became people who can warm his bed and his cock.

No wonder you saw the club president girl crying over him last week.

You ignored him for quite some time, and the two of you got busy with writing, copying notes, and reading.

Until he breaks the silence again.

"If you can't go with me to prom at least go to the party im hosting after exams"

Oh hell naw

You know your morals and codes.

And your morals and codes tell you that a party with Miguel O'Hara is a no-no.

"Miguel I-"

"Say "no" one more time, and Steven gets it." Migeul threatened you while still looking down at his book, and you froze, knowing what Miguel is capable of under his influence and popularity, he could either.

1. With his physique, he could beat up Steven or with his bunch of friends who would jump off a cliff for him

2. With his influence, he could blackmail him or spread rumours about him, with his popularity that rumour is gonna last long enough to break him down.

3. With his money, he could bribe someone to hack into the grades of students and fail Steven.

All three scare you

Miguel scares you

You didn't know what to do, If you reject him, Steven is gonna get hurt from it, If you don't then there's a possibilty that you could get hurt from it, and you know that no one will defend you cus everyone wants to get on Miguel's good side.

To hell with it.

Steven is the only guy you could rely and trust on in this wretched place, and if he got hurt, you don't know what you'll do to your life anymore.

Miguel glanced at you, watching you rack your brain out, and he can admit it's cute the way your eyebrows furrowed, the way your lips turn into a slight frown, the way you think you could say "no" to him.

"Fine.....I'll go..." you let out defeatedly

"See? Isn't that easy? I knew you had a brain in there somewhere. Well, see you soon Y/N" With that he ruffled your hair, and then he placed your notebook by your side and left you sitting there.

Dreading on what's to come.

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