#I just had a lot of thoughts about that lyric from O Holy Night that I had rattling around my head for some time

[daughters-of-liberty]

For some reason, this time of year always draws me to God more than any season. Maybe it's all the Christmas songs, particularly the religious ones like Silent Night or God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen (which is actually my very favorite non-secular Christmas song) bringing a bit of Christian imagery to the mundane. You're grocery shopping, eating pancakes at Perkins, getting your oil changed, doesn't matter, there's a Christmas song playing and something in the air shifts whenever a religious one comes on. I can't describe it.

Someone I follow posted some lyrics from different hymns and whatnot, but the first one was the opening verse from O Holy Night:

O holy night, the stars are brightly shining,

It is the night of our dear Saviour's birth.

Long lay the world in sin and error pining,

'Til He appeared, and the soul felt it's worth...

I have often thought about this verse, particularly the "soul felt its worth" bit, even in the deepest of my pagan days. Something about that sentiment carried an extra weight that could be felt by someone who had never read the Bible and hadn't gone to church or listened to a sermon since I was like 10.

So often, people bring up eternal damnation as a way to try to scare people into believing in God. But I can honestly say that simple lyric "long lay the world in sin and error pining, til He appeared, and the soul felt it's worth" did more to turn my heart back toward God than any fire and brimstone rhetoric.

Not that I ever hated God, don't be mistaken. I actually thought God hated me, or at the very least, strongly disapproved of my life choices. Being a dedicated pagan from about age 8, but with definite pagan ideals and concepts–such as ancestor veneration and reincarnation–incorporated into my belief system from my earliest contemplations on matters such as death, I thought I was an outcast...though I didn't know why I felt that way at the time.

Several years later, I had gone through so many books on paganism, desperate to quell this hollow feeling I had on a soul deep level, this longing to belong with no respite, only to come up not only empty-handed, but also angrier and angrier. I had hoped that some book–any book!–would give me further insight. But everything just became progressively dumber and dumber and more and more infuriatingly so. And every Christmas season, when angels are everywhere and bells are tolling and a choir can be heard inside and outside of every store singing "come and behold Him, born the king of angels", and people are unusually kind and charitable...there's something there. A filling to that hollow feeling.

Now, don't get me wrong, this isn't the Redemption of Bee, I'm not a prodigal daughter. Not entirely, anyway. But, after learning more about God and Jesus, and the full context of Jesus' time on the cross and what He did for us (going literally to Hell and back to save all of humanity from our sins is frickin metal, I don't care who you are), and reading Genesis and seeing exactly how much love God has for us, and how well-meaning and genuine He is (don't blame me, I kinda bought into some atheistic rhetoric about how cruel God is in my teens), the non-secular Christmas songs don't make me cringe anymore. Heck, Christian rock doesn't make me cringe anymore (Crowder's Crushing Snakes is a banger, change my mind).

But what used to make me ponder about Things when I was a pagan, the line "and the soul felt it's worth", now really struck a chord with me. To the point where contemplating the full scope of that simple little line inexplicably brings me to tears. On my journey, winding though it may be, I didn't listen to preachers or priests or anything like that. I mean, I tried to, and only really liked Father Mike Schmitz's approach to talking about things. But mostly, and feel free to judge me for this, I listened to a lot of Andrew Klavan and his musings about God and Jesus and the meaning of life and death and questions of morality. Say whatever you will about him, I found a lot of his takes very comforting, like talking to your father about God. Because I never really talked to my dad about God, except when I came out as pagan to him.

One thing Andrew Klavan talks about a lot in regards to Christianity, is that God is forgiving. God is loving. Yes, sometimes he can be cruel, but that's usually to teach a lesson that's falling on deaf ears, like your father taking away a toy as a child because you disobeyed him. But, one thing he especially highlights, is that God loves you. It doesn't matter if you hate Him, if you blame Him for every little bad thing in your life, He loves you and He forgives you. And should you ever find your way back to God, he will embrace you with open arms and say "welcome home". Even if you've sinned. Jesus ate with the sinners, and counted them more dearly than the Pharisees.

In some ways, my period of paganism felt like the period before Christ's birth. I waited for a very long time, in sin and error, pining for that feeling of belonging, of worth, of acceptance, of order, of gratitude. Of sheer unconditional love. And I waited and waited, until God and Christ kind of nudged their way into my psyche, and then into my life. And the soul felt it's worth. My existence wasn't meaningless, my life has a purpose, and no purpose is too small. I was hopeful, I rejoiced, a new and glorious morn broke. I didn't hate myself anymore, and realized God never hated me. How can I go forward not completely revitalized by that notion? That concept that even when all seems lost and hopeless, there is always hope.

“Turn your face from the green world, and look where all seems barren and cold!” said Gandalf. Then Aragorn turned, and there was a stony slope behind him running down from the skirts of the snow; and as he looked he was aware that alone there in the waste a growing thing stood. And he climbed to it, and saw that out of the very edge of the snow there sprang a sapling tree no more than three foot high. Already it had put forth young leaves long and shapely, dark above and silver beneath, and upon its slender crown it bore one small cluster of flowers whose white petals shone like the sunlit snow.

[fictional-other-tarot]

S/I Name : Gloria / Cosvin

F/O Name (+pronouns): Eddie Munson (He/him)

Relationship status: romantic

Preferred terms for S/I: Sweetheart, cutie, sweet pea, if being poetic: witch of the night (I call him my sunshine r sunlight sometimes?), goth princess? (or just princess idk i do get flustered on that tho)

Nsft : yes (if theres any from him lol)

F/O writing style: maybe his writing is slightly sloppy but i noticed his handwriting looks nice though...

but again not sure- anything goes alright tho.... he can be sometimes poetic w/ medival stuff... he likes dnd and any fantasy related things...

Other quirks / habits : ends sentence with his name, maybe with horns idk,

Topic : it could be him reminding me that i shouldnt be hard on myself? or idk,, could be anything that he has to say with the tarot... ive been lately trying to talk to him in my mediation and also anubis, but yeah... ive been wondering what message he may have for me, wanted to see if it responated of course- from what i tried by divination.

Letter theme : loving (with tarot) encouraging, advice, reminder

Ending note : could be his name with or without horns idk

Extra info : any adition info you think I should know:

he likes dnd, lord of the rings (idk much abt lord of the rings tho but haha)

he somehow likes wild animals... just remembered a headcanon where he picks up a random possum.. 😂😂 and hes like 'look at this fucker! :D '

he loves the gremlins movie sometimes, but also likes horror

kinda likes the idea of how i do my magic,,, (due to dnd themes) though of course- i do crystal healing in gen, set out insences for luck

he sure does say 'jesus christ' or 'holy shit' p much he someitmes cusses but in surprising statements though...

hes an ENTP

he likes metal bands like Mercyful fate, Judas priest, (DIO dio dio of course dio-) metallica, slayer (dont know much of the songs tho)

since mentioning uhm mercyful fate we sure do sing the songs (mercyfuk fate has lately been my favorite band tho...)

after mercyful fates album his guitar his named 'Melissa' after the album (and yea theres times we sing the lyrics from the album saying witch related like.. 'come come into my coven!' idk we always have fun singing the songs.. : >

if theres anything vampire related in the cards... for sure maybe its him though...? as much as i wouldnt want to spoil stranger things of his almost death. i feel hes already a vampire of sort though...

let me know if you have questions in mind omh... i wont hesintate to help specify more

Four of Wands

The Star

Nine of Wands

Knight of Cups

Page of Pentacles

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

My beloved Gloria,

You're not allowing yourself to feel the joy you could feel, sweet pea, why are you so hard on yourself. Even small moments are there to be celebrated. Small goals reached are still goals reached, my sweetheart.

You're healing yourself though, sweetheart, slowly but surely you're letting your light shine, holding onto hope in times of darkness too. Like fuck, sweet pea, I thought I had a lot of acceptance for how life went, with all the shit that has happened to me, but you have already made such progress in healing yourself, more than I'd ever could on my own.

But I'm here to remind you, princess, it's okay to take a stand and guard yourself from those that harm your joy. I know it's hard for you to be assertive but I believe in you. You don't have to keep the peace or lead with love all the time, it's admirable you want to, but it's not needed. Let yourself enjoy things at your pace, you don't have to let others dictate what you can and can't do.

You have always been the studious and curious kind. Seeking the divine and inner truth. Seeking clarity at every way. You want to understand the people around you and I love that about you. You are just perfect to me, goth princess.

I love you, my witch of the night.

- ^Eddie Munson^

[jennathearcher]

Me listening to all three Sleep Token albums for the first time:

Take Me Back To Eden

Chokehold - by far the most lore-oriented song I've heard so far?? lyrically this is just the band's mission statement and it's SO good

The Summoning - THE iconic song :P I had this thought while vibing to it again, the title is SO apt because this is the song that essentially summoned LEGIONS of fans 8D

Granite - this song has me ALL kinds of fucked up?? this was the point where specific lyrics started to have me SCREAMING, like, "you gave me nothing whatsoever but a reason to leave" HELLO??? not to mention "we'd rather be six feet under than be lonely" THAT HITS

Aqua Regia - MMMM THE VIBES THEY ARE IMMACULATE I believe the title translates to something along the lines of "ocean queen" but don't quote me on that XD I genuinely cannot cite just one lyric that makes me feral IT'S THE WHOLE SONG

Vore - AS A MONSTERFUCKER I AM FEELING VERY SEEN IN THE CLUB RIGHT NOW. TIS IS A MONSTERFUCKER ANTHEM. VESSEL. VESSEL P L E A S E.

Ascensionism - I was told this song would make me cry I WASN'T PREPARED FOR HOW REAL THAT WOULD BE. "Make it real, cause anything's better than the way I feel right now" HOOOOOOOO. This entire song is POETRY.

Are You Really Okay? - I....have A LOT of feelings about this song. Holy shit. From Vessel's lips straight to the ears of my soul. God DAMN.

The Apparition - and now we have the self-shipping anthem :P VESSEL XD "Why are you never real" !!!!!! "Just let me go or take me with you" !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DYWTYLM - lowkey I always love when artists genuinely abbreviate song titles like this it's really cute and stylish :P THIS SONG IS S O CUTE??? OH MY GOD the sheer amount of genres this band covers is AMAZING; plus this is another song where the lyrics are DEEPLY SAD but the beat though :P

Rain - from what I'm aware of this might be an underrated song??? instant fave from me 8D IT'S SO ROMANTIC!!! "the vicious cycle was over the moment you smiled at me" I'M SO!!!!!! SOFT!!!!!!

Take Me Back To Eden - TRUE TO ITS NAME THIS SONG IS A RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. but also among a million incredible lyrics "I'll take a pound of your flesh before you take a piece of my paystub" has me CHEWING THE BARS OF MY ENCLOSURE OH MY G O D

Euclid - I have deduced that ST is the masters of ending an album with the most unexpectedly BEAUTIFUL song OH MY GOD. All the nods of their previous songs?? So much TECHNOLOGICAL imagery all across this album too tbh??? "So if your wings won't find you heaven I'll bring it down like an ancient bygone" SCREAMING!!!! and of course "the night belongs to you" I AM EATING THIS

it is at this point I begin to swiftly realize I am listening to this in reverse order which makes a lot of things hit different but REGARDLESS :P WE PRESS ON

This Place Will Become Your Tomb

Atlantic - not only is this song ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL but the lyrics are just.....w o o f. it hits harder the more you think about it.

Hypnosis - I can't get over how this song is ACTUALLY hypnotizing to listen to :P

Mine - ONCE AGAIN TRACK THREE IS WHERE I START CLIMBING THE WALLS XD both of the other albums have direct lyrical connections to this song, and it's also just HOOOOO INTENSE IN THE BEST KIND OF WAY 8D plus the "wasted years" lyric got me thinking about Phantom of the Opera which y'know feels appropriate :P

Like That - this song reminds me of Granite with just how VISCERAL the feelings are when connected to a toxic relationship??

The Love You Want - biased cause I've had this song on repeat but HOOOOO!!!!!! "TOO MANY SWALLOWED KEYS WILL MAKE YOU BLEED INTERNALLY SOMEDAY"!!!!! "MAYBE YOU BELIEVE THAT IN THE END YOU WILL BE BETTER OFF THAT WAY"!!!!!!

Fall For Me - *incomprehensible shrieking* "WON'T YOU FALL FOR ME, FROM REALITY" *somersaults out of window* "MY INSECURITIES SURROUND ME LIKE LIONS IN THE DEN" *puts head through wall*

Alkaline - I am now intimately familiar with the emotions of the girl absolutely losing her shit in the background of the concert video in which I first heard this song XD Another song with one of those verses where every single line is ABSOLUTE POETRY and also :P HORNY. HORNY HORNY ENERGY. VESSEL YOU MENACE I LOVE YOU.

Distraction - at this point I am all but tearing my hair out over how ROMANTIC this is and how it can perfectly encapsulate such a simple idea and make it absolutely HEART-ACHING?????

Descending - ohhhhhh myyyyYYYYYY GOD!!!!!! "YOU COME CRAWLING BACK TO ME BUT I'M ALREADY UNDERGROUND" !!!!!! "AND WE ALL KNOW THAT TALK IS CHEAP SO COME ON AND SAVE ME NOW" !!!!!!!!!!!!!! "AND YOU WONDER WHAT I BELIEVE BUT YOU DON'T WANNA BE AROUND" "SO WHAT WOULD YOU DO FOR ME?" !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Telomeres - another song I fell in love with on the first listen :P much like Rain it's just so DEEPLY ROMANTIC AND EMOTIONAL??? "I know as you collapse into me this is the start of something" MMMMMMMMMMMM

High Water - I am OBSESSED with this song lyrically, just "it seems my hell is your high water" that's SO!!!! GOOD!!!! but also just the absolute gutpunches all throughout this song; "you are still a perfect reminder of what all these scars on my arms are for" !!!! "I know you still bear the weight of your own existence and you'll never bear the weight of two" I'M SO?!?!?!?

Missing Limbs - I legit GASPED when the soft guitar started???? and the last verse just absolutely destroyed me HOO. The whole song has Bon Iver vibes but better tbh

Sundowning

The Night Does Not Belong To God - it was here when I started to really lose my shit over all the lyrical parallels across the three albums :P SO GIVE ME THE NIGHT!!!!!

The Offering - "YOU'VE GOT DIAMONDS FOR TEETH MY LOVE, SO TAKE A BITE" OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!

Levitate - THIS IS THE ONE of course I find a song that contains the lyric "your body is mostly blood" to be HELLA ROMANTIC :P also very apt considering how ST's music makes me feel like I'm the one levitating XD Saint Maud up in this bitch ahem

Dark Signs - ANOTHER INSTANT FAVE 8D the fucking bassline!! EVERY SINGLE LYRIC HOOOOOO JUST THE PICTURE IT PAINTS!!! also "tear off my arms" sounds like a direct parallel to Missing Limbs don't mind me!!!

Higher - "I AM GRANTING YOU MORE THAN THE DEBT THAT I OWE" *sound of underwater screaming sounds* also idk if it's been said but Vessel lowkey reminds me of Corpse Husband in a lot of ways; I love my faceless anxious endlessly talented cryptid boys!!!

Take Aim - this one had my Archer sensibilities making the eyes emoji :P personally this one really makes me think of the Greek myth of Artemis and Orion but THAT'S JUST ME XD

Give - AND NOW WE HAVE A DARK ROMANCE ANTHEM MMMMMMM DELICIOUS. THIS IS MY ENTIRE AESTHETIC 8D

Gods - THIS SONG IS SO A N G R Y I LOVE IT SO MUCH!!!!! but also "you want to watch me beg cause I beg so well" VESSEL PLEASE :P

Sugar - PURE HORNY ENERGY. B O N K, TO HORNY JAIL WITH YOU. NONE OF THESE THOUGHTS ARE IN THE BIBLE.

Say That You Will - GOOD LORD I DIDN'T THINK IT WAS POSSIBLE BUT WE HAVE GOTTEN EVEN MORE HORNY literally "is that a knife in your pocket or are you just happy to see me" but way more poetic than that XD

Drag Me Under - Once again, the vibes, they are IMMACULATE 8D have I mentioned how much I love all the religious imagery in ST's music because ohhhhhh my god

Blood Sport - I knew I was gonna love this song after seeing part of the live performance of it from last weekend's show <3 This song is absolutely BEAUTIFUL 8D I know Vessel cried while performing it live but I was NOT expecting the actual song to end with him crying too??? I WANT TO HUG THIS WEIRD LITTLE CREATURE MAN SO MUCH!!!!!

So far this is the extent of my journey but I'm definitely going to check out their earlier singles and EPs soon as well <3 I have also listened to the covers they did as well and I need more Vessel doing acoustic covers in my life PLEASE AND THANK YOU :P

[gyokujyn]

@stuckyfingers Sincerely hope this was a prompt because I ran with it.

Both Catholic and Jewish wedding ceremonies have a lot of music involved, so I blended the two into one playlist and barely shrunk it down to 10 tracks.

Prelude Two Men in Love by The Irrepressibles

This song, along with others, would be playing while everyone is waiting for the ceremony to get started. I picked this mostly because of the lyrics (I had trouble deciding which lyrics to grab for the preview below) which reflect actively asking each other to stay, talks about hiding and running from each other, and finally acknowledging that they're in love.

If I asked you now Would you be my prince? Would you lay down your armor And be with me forever?

Wedding Party Erev Shel Shoshanim by Harry Belafonte

This is a fairly traditional choice in Jewish weddings to accompany the wedding party processional as they take their places for the ceremony, but it's also just really beautiful and I thought Harry Belafonte would fit with the old men in love vibe.

[translated from Hebrew] The night falls slowly A breeze of roses blows Let me whisper a song to you quietly A song of love

Processional and Circling Kumi Lakh by Zach Mayer

In Catholic traditions, the bride would be walked down the aisle separate from the rest of the wedding party, whereas both bride and groom are escorted with the rest of the party in Jewish tradition followed by the bride circling the groom 7 times under the Chuppah. If they decide to have their processional separate, I envision this song accompanying the second processional, but mostly this is for the circling tradition. Winter is past.

[translated from Hebrew] O my dove, my undefiled, let me see thy countenance, let me hear thy voice. For, lo, the winter is past, the rain is over and gone; For, lo, the winter is past.

Offertory Ag Críost an Síol by Seán Ó Riada

Catholic tradition includes Mass and an open offering of communion. I think Steve might struggle to feel he should take communion, but I also think it would be important to him. This song would be during the preparation and setting of the Eucharist for Mass. I chose this arrangement in part because, despite being an Irish hymn based on an Irish prayer, it sounds like it draws from some of the Semitic roots of a lot of hymns which felt in keeping with the blended ceremony.

[translated from Gaelic] From Death to the end Not the end but a rebirth, In the Paradise of Graces May we be.

Communion Be Thou My Vision by Narrow Way

Once communion is prepared, this song would be for the taking of communion. I couldn't find my favourite translation/arrangement of this song which is even more fight-oriented than this one, but this still feels like a good fit. Be my Shield and my Sword feels very coded to our boys. This is another old Irish hymn, translated from the Gaelic Bí Thusa 'mo Shúile.

Be Thou my Buckler, my Sword for the fight; Be Thou my Dignity, Thou my Delight; Thou my soul’s Shelter, be Thou my high Tow’r, Come raise Thou me heav’nward, oh Pow’r of my pow’r.

Presentation of Flowers to the Holy Mother A Mhuire na nGrás by Fionnuala Gill

I feel like it would be important for both Steve and Bucky to invoke their mothers at their wedding, but I feel that they would both especially want Sarah Rogers to be recognized here, so I selected another old Irish hymn for presenting flowers to the Blessed Virgin Mary. The lyrics here are so very much appropriate for Steve and Bucky, too, that I'm just going to include the whole translation.

[translated from Gaelic] O Mary of Graces And Mother of God May I tread in the paths That the righteous have trod. And mayest thou save me From evil's control, And mayest thou save me In body and soul. And mayest thou save me By land and by sea, And mayest thou save me From tortures to be. May the guard of the angels Above me abide, May God be before me And God at my side.

Recessional I'll Get By by Harry James, Dick Haymes

There are so many Harry James songs I associate with these two, but I'll Get By (As Long As I Have You) just makes too much sense to follow them as they leave as newlyweds. Til the end of the line.

I'll get by, as long as I have you Though there'll be rain and darkness too I'll not complain, I'll live with you Poverty, may come to me, that's true But what care I I'll get by, as long as I have you

First Dance There, I've Said It Again by Vaughn Monroe

Their first dance as a married couple could go any number of ways, but I wanted to find a song they would've heard as young men and maybe look back on it fondly. This one came out in February of 1945 and was number one on Billboard's National Radio Airplay right up until Bucky fell from a train in the Alps, so it might've been popular enough to be one of the last songs he heard before his presumed death.

Forgive me for wanting you so But one thing I want you to know I've loved you since heaven knows when There! I've said it again

Hora Od Yishama by Schlomo Carlebach

I'm gonna be honest with you, I just wanted any song for the hora that wasn't Hava Nagila, only because it's so over done (and a good hora is like a bajillion songs long, so they'll probably still have Hava Nagila in there somewhere, lol). Anyway, I am picturing their friends trying to lift these two massive super soldiers on chairs while dancing and Tony's gotta be in the suit just to make it happen and Thor has no idea what's going on but he's got the spirit and I'm giggling.

[translated from Hebrew] Yet again there shall be heard In the cities of Judah And in the streets of Jerusalem​. The voice of joy and the voice of gladness The voice of the bridegroom and the voice of the bride.

Last Dance Francesca by Hozier

The final dance of the night couldn't be anything else in my mind. I wanted something modern, to reflect them moving into the future, but still calling back to their origins and everything they've been through to find each other again. This song is a perfect fit.

If someone asked me at the end I'll tell them put me back in it Darling, I would do it again, ah, ah If I could hold you for a minute Darling, I'd go through it again, ah, ah I would still be surprised I could find you, darling In any life If I could hold you for a minute Darling, I would do it again, ah, ah [...] I would not change it each time (I would not change it each time) Heaven is not fit to house a love (Heaven is not fit to house a love) Like you and I (like you and I)

The playlist in its entirety can be found here: Barnes Rogers

[twilightmalachite]

Christmas Live - Line to Line 4

Author: Akira

Characters: Chiaki, Kanata, Tetora, Midori

Translator: 310mc

JP Proofer: Mika Enstars

EN Proofer: ryuseipuka

"Huh? Where’d this come from…? I’m Ryusei Black, aren’t I?"

[Read on my blog for the best viewing experience with Oi~ssu ♪]

Season: Winter

Location: Park’s Live Stage

Tetora: Here you go, Midori-kun; the green-colored outfit’s for you…♪

Midori: Uuu, so I’m also gonna participate in the end…? I’m not a fan of the green-colored Santa-san costume, since it kinda makes him seem like he’s an impostor…?

Kanata: how [colorful]~ it looks like a [coral reef]. mine will be~ blue…♪

Midori: Ah—Shinkai-senpai, you were sleeping this whole time, but you’re awake now, huh…?

Are you doing alright, health-wise…? If you’re not feeling it, how about we go home together…?

Kanata: ufufu. i do not want to be the only one [left out]~ let’s work hard at this job… okay, midori? ♪

the five of us together are ryuseitai, you know…♪

Kanata: chiaki~ chiaki will be [red] as always, right? here you go~...♪

Chiaki: … …

Kanata: what is wrong, chiaki? you do not seem energetic…?

did you catch my [cold]...?

Chiaki: Ah, no… Nagumo, would you like to wear the outfit for Red this time?

Tetora: Huh? Where’d this come from…? I’m Ryusei Black, aren’t I?

There’s a black Santa outfit here, so I’ll be wearing this one, yeah~?

Chiaki: No, it’s just that I thought it’d be a good opportunity for you. After all, you seem to admire Kiryu—...admire Akatsuki. Plus, you’d much prefer the color red over black, right?

And yet, you’ve constantly had a color that barely satisfies your wishes pushed onto you. I’m sorry, I also had my reasons why I couldn’t just give up Red, but…

I’ve had you bear with it all this time, and I apologize for that.

Tetora: Mm~... Well, yeah, I couldn’t stand a single bit of it at first. Every time I put on the black outfit, I felt so pathetic and frustrated with myself.

But the black spots on the sun are where the temperature is lower. And that’s what I am.

I’m still inexperienced, and I was lacking in lots of different areas. That’s why I couldn’t get into Akatsuki—That’s all there is to it.

So that one day I can burst into red flames… I’m currently getting a share of everyone’s coal and heat.

I’m still a greenhorn who can’t yet reach Taichou’s level, let alone Taisho’s.

And when the day comes that I wear the red outfit… I don’t want it to be just ‘cuz “the opportunity for it has come”; I wanna wear it once I personally feel satisfied and ready for it.

So, is it alright if we put this talk off ‘til next year?

I’ll be sure to grow strong by the day you graduate and leave, Taichou.

As for Santa-san, he always comes dressed in the color red.

And Red, the leading actor… is definitely you, Taichou. I appreciate how you feel, but I’m just not capable enough yet.

Right now, Ryusei Black suits me just right. I’ll gladly wear this outfit.

So you don’t have to be considerate over stuff that nobody asked for, y’know~? It doesn’t suit you at all to be like that, anyway.

Chiaki: Ah, I see… You’ve really grown, Nagumo. May I hug you?

Tetora: No, I don’t want it. What’s with you today? You’re kinda acting gross. You sure you didn’t catch a cold?

Chiaki: Ah, no, sorry… Thank you, Nagumo—For growing up to be so big and strong.[1]

Aaalrighty then, I’ll wear the red outfit with much gratitude!

I’ll sing with all my might today, as Santa-san! For the sake of bringing dreams to all the kids out there! Fuhahaha…! ☆

Kanata: … …♪

Midori: Shinkai-senpai, your face is red… If you’re still not feeling well, please make sure to rest, okay…?

Kanata: no, i am [alright]. i feel [nice] and [warm] somehow~...♪

o holy night… the stars are brightly shining… twinkle, twinkle~♪[2]

[ ☆ ]

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Chiaki says something similar to Tetora a year later, in Motor Show, Epilogue 3.

He’s singing the lyrics from kiyoshi kono yoru, also known as Silent Night.

[mariacallous]

like @thehours2002, I decided to listen to Sheryl Lee Ralph's christmas/holiday album.

Here are my comments I shared about the first two songs released back on Thanksgiving:

I've only started to listen to Sleigh but it's...not the best, for sure. The problem is that she's not the primary focus, at least with Sleigh - the backing vocals and the music and other audio elements swamp her, and there's too much going on in general for what is a "Jingle Bells" remix

okay Holiday Cheer is really bad - it suffers from the same issues as Sleigh but also a lot of the lyrics are just...Bad. Really Bad. And the "slightly naughty hinting/double entendres" in them don't help.

Sheryl deserves so much better than...these.

It's almost like she knows it's overproduced and not great (at least these two songs) and I don't feel like she's really...committing or showing the impressive talent and skill that we know she has

Holiday albums are generally not great to begin with, in my opinion, and this (so far!) helps reinforce that

It's just too busy! And some of the lyrics are kind of nonsensical! And she's not the focus.

And these are basically the same thoughts I had with the whole album.

The "traditional" Christmas songs (God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen, Silent Night, Little Drummer Boy, Sleigh (the Jingle Bells remix), Hark the Herald Angels Sing, O Holy Night, O Come All Ye Faithful) tend to fare better? (which I think, barring Sleigh, is because of the general lack of lyrical adjustments, though O Come All Ye Faithful has some Choices with the featured artists and their lyrical contributions) but otherwise they're all overproduced and busy - the emphasis, for whatever reason, seems to usually be on the music and other non-singing audio, then on the backing or featured artist vocals, and then on Sheryl? There's a lot of lyrical and verbal flourishes which take up audio space and attention but which generally aren't done by Sheryl. And when she *is* the focus, it's with the original songs and the lyrics are not great ("We be playing Uno and things/Taboo and things/Life ain't so bad at all" for whatever reason has really stuck out for me, from Holiday Cheer (We Made It) along with "We dressed so nice and we look so cool/Out in these streets (Ay)/Headed to the mall (Ay)/Pickin' up these gifts (Ay)/'Bout to deck them halls (Ay)/Halls (Ay)/Bout to wreck them halls (Ay)/Pour that rum punch (Ay)/Joy to one and all" from the same).

Additionally, the traditional songs tend to be shorter, and I would have preferred longer versions (Hark The Herald Angels Sing being a particularly notable one) of them, and honestly some other traditional ones would have worked better. When they aren't shorter (like O Come All Ye Faithful, which could easily be a minute and a half shorter without the weird featured artist contribution in it near the end) it's because there's both featured/guest artists and either weird sound-editing choices (there *is* like almost a minute of silence between the last note and then the end of the track at the end of Little Drummer Boy? wtf) or too much backing and musical additions

It's like she's the featured or guest artist on her own holiday album, which is such a weird impression to get and such a weird outcome for someone with her talent and skill and career.

Several tracks are, as @thehours2002 pointed out, are spoken word, and are usually short. They're okay, and the one with her mom in particular was the best.

I think the biggest issue is that, apart from being a holiday album, there's not a lot that distinguishes or stands out as Sheryl - and she should be the main focus, with no need for all the additions and extras.

[marshmallowloves]

I KNOW you're in tht pkmn mood so give us 🎧, 💿, 🎼, and 🕺 with any of ur pkmn faves and ur si :3c

asfkdjdfh you clocked me… that's pretty much all I've been doing lately >u>

honestly I kinda wanna do these with both Maxie and Arven because I got brainrot on both fronts kdjfg

(also I am SO sorry I answered this so ungodly late. I kind of realized, uh, wow. I know so few songs about faves… holy heck this was. kind of hard actually so it took me a long ass time kdjfhg also I just. really suck at communication sometimes i'm sorry ;_;)

🎧 - Your f/o just found your music player! What song do they find playing on it?

ARVEN: probably one of the tracks from Sinnoh - either the lake theme, Canalave City (or the night version), Eterna Forest or the Pokémon Center (night). When he sees it, he figures Cici probably misses home a lot. Don't mind him as he nonchalantly scours every recipe book in the school library for Old Gateau…

MAXIE: Uh. this one is kind of…inexplicable. Maxie also has a hard time wrapping his head around his Admin's taste in music. He was so certain he'd find soft piano pieces, or that sparkly-sounding j-pop that's certainly an anime OP/ED. What is this vulgarity, and what are these images of his Admin that flash in his brain during the chorus for some reason. why the FUCK is he confined behind his desk right now. He will absolutely blame Team Aqua (and specifically, the friend she has over there) for tainting his proper and civilized Admin with their filth. after he. takes care of this thing.

💿 - give us a song that fits your f/o's vibe!

ARVEN: I know you mean like his whole vibe, like his character, but for some reason all I can think of is this when he's talking about Cici dkjfhg

Okay but answering seriously (cause I thought of it just now) - for some reason I really feel like Apt. 102 fits. It sounds cozy and casual and…domestic…?? Like two people hanging out in a living space and doing chores or cooking together or something... u//v//u

MAXIE: See I WANT to say Bionic Man because it's one of the only lyrical songs I can think of for a calculated man (even if it is kind of weird)…but that's…probably more fitting for a different f/o honestly. (cough N. Ginsdjf no go away this is a pokemon post)

Okay tbh I've been racking my brain forever for this and all I can think of is THIS which…is a little weird considering it's literally the theme (in name, at least) for ANOTHER F/O… but it's all I can come up with atm i'm sorry dfgh. But I think it fits the vibe tbh, it's got the imposing strings, the tiny beat and synth beeps, and the little bells give kind of an air of superiority and…maybe smugness?? Like he's about to verbally decimate the fuck out of you dskjfg

🎼 - give us a song that matches your s/i's vibe!

I am not gonna lie to you I am having the hardest time with this one. Both of my S/Is are pretty much exactly the same with the only difference being who they fall for. It'd probably be easier if she had like…a THEME about her personality or design or whatever, but she's pretty much just "me, but with Pokemon" and as a regular-ass human being I am. very multifaceted and can't pinpoint anything dkjfg

SO! I think I will instead just…repeat the answer to a previous question and say Canalave City (her hometown) or the Lake theme (for the fact that her love of mythicals originated in Sinnoh). And possibly Snowpoint City (I was hesitant to list that one bc as much as she loves Ice-types, she doesn't have any on her team, but...come on. It wouldn't be Cici without snow somewhere dkfjg)

🕺 - what song would you and your f/o dance to?

ARVEN: <<< SPOILERS FOR THE SV DLC (sorry I can't like, put a filter over text so this is the best I can do dkjfg>>> if I'm being perfectly honest. he probably would denounce any and all dancing for a while after the whole mochi debacle cause he was so mortified of how he acted sdkjfg. If he was somehow persuaded to dance it would be completely impromptu (as in, he probably doesn't actively participate and it's mostly just me swinging him around djgf) and to something lively like this or this.

MAXIE: Something like this - classical, a refined vibe, and something where he wouldn't have to do any rigorous movement OR a waltz-sounding song like this (could only find it on soundcloud dkjfg). Maxie is really not a dancing man - he has an image to uphold, after all! (admittedly it's a pretentious one DFJKDG) But…if he WERE to ever dance with his Admin, it would certainly be behind closed doors, and only to remind her that he's not all stuffy and serious all the time - see, look, he's perfectly capable of having """fun.""" And if anyone caught him, they would probably be fired immediately.

Either that, or like…the fuckin. safety dance or something. idfk honestly. for the memes ig (and cause he's old KJDFHG)

[ray-ray-writings]

Okay I’ve been recently getting super into Karl’s streams because I just adore his puppy energy but, hear me out here.

Reader and Karl are friends right? And she goes and hangs out with him a lot and eventually one Saturday she convinces her BF, Techno, to come with her. He follows, mostly cause he’s bored and she’s persistent, they get to Karl’s place, Reader knowing instantly what to do gets up near Karl, grabs something Techno can’t see from where he’s standing, spins and belts out a song for Karl’s Karaoke. (The song playing in my ears right now is Talk Too Much)

Cue Technos surprise as he hears his s/o sing for the first time, grinning like a maniac. Reader tries to get him into it but he refuses until he watches Karl and Reader do a duet together (they’re best friends your honor) cause no one else would duet with him and he just gets up very bored my, lumbers over and snatches the microphone from Karl and does some soft deep number. Nothing energetic it’s gotta be deep and soft. (First thought is resting on Achilles Come Down)

After the singular song he doesn’t get up to sing again and you think he’s hated the whole experience but next Saturday you find him by the door ready to go with a bag in his hand. It isn’t til halfway through the time when he does his weird standing up, snatching the microphone from whoever was singing, setting it back in its stand and grabbing his bag before Reader realizes he brought a fuckin violin. Tommy or maybe Ghostbur get jazzed because “I REMEMBER WHEN MY BROTHER PLAYED THAT” and just-

GOOD SHIT!!!

With love- 🌻

Holy shit 🌻 you have my entire heart. This is so amazing. So so poggers. (Also, this is the only post for tonight! Hope you enjoy!!) 

So yes, you and Karl are best friends and you two hang out a lot. But as more and more things happen on the SMP, you find yourselves spending less and less time together, which makes you sad. So as a compromise, you two decide that the two of you would hang out every Saturday night. No exceptions, no excuses, Saturday is for Y/N and Karl. And it works very well with you guys, sometimes you have dinner and talk or you play games and yes sometimes even karaoke. Even when you and Techno got together and he, Sapnap, and Quackity got together, you two never missed a Saturday. Sometimes though, Sapnap and Quackity tag along which is just fine with you. And if you could convince Techno (you never could but just in case haha), Karl would be fine with that. But everytime you ask Techno, he says no, he doesn’t want to intrude and he doesn’t really want to do some of the things you two do. 

But that all changes on fateful Saturday. Techno had been gone for a majority of the week and had only gotten home in the early afternoon of the Saturday. You two had been cuddled up in bed, just cuddling, kissing, and catching up because you’d missed each other so much all week. But it gets to be that time and you try to leave your bed, but Techno has an iron grip on you. “Tech, babe, I’ve got to go” you whisper, pressing a few kisses to his face before landing one on his lips and smiling at him. Techno only pouts at you, “No you don’t. I just got home. You could stay here with me.” he grumbles, attempting to pull you closer to him, but you don’t let him. “I know baby, but you know Saturdays are spent with Karl… If you want you can come with, Sapnap and Quackity will be there so it won’t be awkward. We can have a fun time. My best friend and his s/os and me and my s/o. It will be fun, come on baby,” you murmur, running your hair through his pink locks causing him to sigh. He pretends to think for a moment before giving you a nod. You smile at him before easily weaseling your way out of his grip, pulling him with you. He steadies himself on his feet as you reach up and press a kiss to his lips before bouncing out of the room. “Come on baby, we’re going to be late.” 

The two of you leave the house and make your way to Karl’s house. You throw open the front door without second thought, “Karl! We’re here!” There’s a bit of noise from further in the house before Karl calls back, “We’re??” you can’t help but laugh as you shut the door behind you and Techno before pulling Techno arm along with you as you move to where Karl’s voice was coming from. You make your way into the living room and find Karl hunched over what you know to be the karaoke machine and Sapnap and Quackity curled up together on the couch. “Yeah, we’re” you answer from the doorway causing all three men’s gazes to snap to you two. A huge smile grazes Karl's face at the sight of you two, Quackity gets a little nervous but is quickly comforted by Sapnap’s smile and a quick kiss. “Hey Techno! It’s great to see you!” Karl, ever the charmer and the kind heart, greets your boyfriend. Your boyfriend gives the man a small wave, “Hey Karl… Sapnap………….. Quackity.” The other two give the pink headed man a small smile and wave before turning their attention back to Karl. You pull Techno around the side of the couch and usher him to sit down and before you can sit next to him, Karl has grabbed your arm and pulled you to the machine. “Karl, I wanted to sit and relax with Techno for a moment,” you complain to your best friend. Karl just grins at you and shoves a microphone in your hand as music begins to play. You roll your eyes at how well your best friend knows you and he moves to sit next to his fiances. With all eyes on you, you decide to have fun. You belt out the lyrics and dance around just having fun. (This is the song! Talk Too Much by COIN!). Every once in a while one of the fiances would let out a cheer, edging you on. Techno though would just be staring at you with wide eyes, he had never heard you sing before, well maybe once but never this carefree. 

The four of them clap in excitement after you finish and then bound over to the couch. Once again, you move to sit next to Techno, but are instead this time pulled down onto his lap with your back pressing against his chest and burying his face into the place where your neck meets your shoulder. “I didn’t know you could sing like that” he murmurs into the skin. You can’t help but melt a little bit as you relax further into him. “It’s just something we do for fun sometimes.” you murmur in response, your eyes watching as Karl stands up and picks out a song for himself to sing. “It was nice” That was the last words before Karl began his own song. 

The two of you watched as each of the fiances sang their own solo. “Do you want to sing something?” You murmur, leaning back and turning your head slightly to talk to your boyfriend. Techno let out a huff and tightened his arms around you for a moment, “No” he answers simply as Sapnap and Quackity step up to the mic. The three of you watch Sap and Quack do a very cheesy duet together causing you and Karl to laugh loudly and Techno to hide his chuckles in your shoulder. When the two were done, they were pouting. “Hey! Stop laughing at us!” “Yeah we sang a very serious duet together” And when neither of you stop laughing Sapnap and Quackity plop down on the couch and fold in to each other, “Fine, see if either of us sing a duet with you Karl” Sapnap juts out, poking his tongue as his fiance. Karl immediately stops laughing and begins to beg his lovers to sing with him, but the two don’t budge. So Karl does the next best thing he can think to do. He turns to you with a wide pout on his lips and puppy dog eyes, and who are you to say no to your puppy dog eyed best friend? You let out a sigh before carefully removing yourself from Techno’s arms, despite the grumbles of protest, and join your best friend by the machine to sing a duet with him. Karl wouldn’t let you see what he picked but as soon as the music began, you almost lost it. Of course he would pick this song. It is not only about two “best friends” it is definitely bound to make his two fiances just a bit jealous. (It is the Bro Duet haha. Find it here)

The two of you goofed around and sang your hearts out, changing every “no homo” to “no hetero” Karl sang the first part and you sang the second. Throughout the song, Sap and Quack, although amused, were admittedly a little jealous, that should be them up there singing about how much they love each other. Techno on the other end of the couch was a little confused and a little jealous. He couldn’t help but wonder to himself if this had actually happened. Had you and Karl one time gone to the beach and you had to give Karl CPR? Had you gone to an amusement park and started choking on a turkey leg and Karl gave you the hymlick? Had the two of you fallen in love with each other? What the hell was happening? Toward the end of the song, Techno found himself standing up from the couch and walking toward you two. It surprised you, because Techno had literally told you he did not want to sing. But here he was, grabbing the microphone from you… in the middle of a song no less. Karl and you stopped singing as you stared at Techno who now held the microphone close to his chest. Almost as if reading his mind, you took a step forward and gently cupped his face, “It didn’t actually happen Techno. It’s just a song.” You comfort your boyfriend. Techno’s shoulders did a big relax at your words. “Sorry” he grumbles out, “Didn’t mean to interrupt your song.” You can only give him a warm smile at that. “It’s okay lover. Do you want to sing something now?” And to your surprise, Techno walks over to the machine and begins looking through the song choices. So you and Karl share a look before making your way back to the couch and sitting down. Karl was immediately engulfed in a huge hug by his fiance’s while you curled into the still warm spot that was Techno’s. Soft cello music rang from the machine as Techno awkwardly stood in front of you four, his eyes dancing around the room. Techno took a deep breath before his beautiful bass voice rings out into the room. His voice completely encaptures the four of you sitting on the couch and not even Quackity is making a single noise. Techno sings a beautiful rendition of Achilles Come Down, it quite literally brings tears to your eyes. But once he’s done and the song is over, Techno sets his microphone down and immediately walks over to the couch and sits down next to you, wrapping an arm around you and pulling you close to him. You try to tell him how good it was, but he kisses you to stop you. Later that night when you two go home, you try once again to tell him how amazed and impressed you were at his song, but he brushes your compliments off and kisses you again before cuddling you to sleep. And so, you figure he absolutely hated it and never wanted to do anything like it again. 

So the next Saturday, you know is another karaoke night and this time Karl had invited the whole SMP to come. You were fine with it and you knew not everyone would show up. So when it was time to go, you looked everywhere in the house for Techno so that you could tell him goodbye but you could not find him. You were about to just leave when you hear your name being called from the front door. You rush to the door and find Techno standing there with a bag in his hand. “There you are. Are you ready to go?” Deciding not to question it, you give your boyfriend a smile and a nod before the two of you head out for Karl’s. When you arrive, there are quite a few people there, but not it’s definitely not everyone. You quickly find Karl and greet him with hugs before helping him get completely set up for the night. Techno hovers around you two, not really helping but not wanting to go around and socialize. Eventually he spots Philza and leaves your side briefly to greet his father. 

Finally everything is set up and ready to go. So Karl calls out to everyone to please take their seats, it’s go time. I would like to say that you go first and sing another fun and upbeat song to get everyone hyped. (I do not have one in mind for this time) But it’s great and a total banger, we stan. So then when you’re done, everyone claps politely and Karl moves to take your place. So you bound over to Techno and sit on his lap. One after another, people went up and chose a song and sang their heart out. You don’t expect Techno to get up and sing. You thought he hated it last time so why would he do it again? But he surprises you, of course haha. But after listening to Quackity screech out a song that you honestly cannot tell what it was because of how much he was joking around and not actually trying his best to sing, Techno had had enough. He carefully moves you off of him, grabs his bag, and moves to the front of the room, snatching the mic out of Quackity’s hand. “Hey! I wasn’t done singing!” Quackity protests, reaching for the mic again. “I was done listening… we are all done listening” Techno shoots back. Quackity glances around the room, lets out a sigh, before shuffling over to his fiances and curling into their arms. Techno very quickly turns off the music and a sigh of relief sweeps over Karl’s living room, which makes you snicker behind your hand. You’re surprised when Techno doesn’t pick another song from the machine, but instead he opens his bag and pulls out a violin. You haven’t seen him play that violin in so long and it melts your heart to see him pull it out and bring it up to his chin. You watch in awe as he brings his bow to the strings and begins to play so beautifully. “Oh I remember when my brother played the violin! He was always so good at it! We used to play together all the time. He on violin, me on guitar… It was amazing,” you hear Ghostbur exclaim from somewhere else in the room. And he’s right, it is amazing. It’s even more amazing when Techno opens his mouth and lets his beautiful bass voice ring out into the room. It’s really truly an amazing thing to see. Techno not only playing the violin, but also singing. The room is dead silent and all attention is on Techno as he sings about his time as king, as the Blood God. Please find the violin cover here and the song he’s singing here. Song is Fallen Kingdom…. Yes that fallen kingdom hahahah).

When he’s done, the room is so silent you could hear a pin drop. Techno glances around the room in a panic and you can see his face flushes. You know the voices are going crazy, trying to convince him that he just fucked up and everyone hated it and hated him. So you slowly stand from your seat and begin clapping. Heads snap to you as you clap. Philza quickly joins you, standing up and clapping. Slowly everyone joins you, and then everyone at once. Techno gets a standing ovation from the crowd. This makes his blush even harder and he quickly takes the violin off his shoulder and puts it back into the bag. You don’t let him get off the makeshift stage though, you quickly walk up to him, grab his now empty hands causing him to freeze and look at you. You just simply leaned up and pressed a sweet kiss to his lips. “That was amazing Techno” you mumble against him. He hums in response, kissing you back. “Oh it was nothing” he murmurs back. After a few more moments, the two of you pull apart and you give him a small smile, “sing a duet with me?” you ask him as the applause dies down. Techno looks hesitant, but one quick glance around the room at the encouraging smiles, he decides one more song couldn’t hurt. He lets you pick out the song and his heart almost melts at the choice. (Here is the song. It is Come What May from moulin rouge). Your voices meld so well together and it doesn’t leave a single dry eye in the house. Again, once you’re finished the room is roaring with applause. Literally everyone is crying. Like it’s so obvious you two love each other and that you two mean the words you’re singing in the song. You two end the song with another very passionate kiss as everyone claps so hard they’re all sure their palms will be red and sore the next morning. You and Techno pull apart and you have matching grins on your faces as you set down your mics and move back to the couch to cuddle again. It takes a hot minute for anyone to step up to the machine, not wanting to follow that amazing performance, but slowly Karaoke night gets back on track. Neither of you two get up to sing again though. You’re just content to sit in your boyfriend’s lap and he’s just content to hold you. As you snuggle into him, Techno thinks over the past two Saturdays and he decides quietly to himself that maybe spending Saturdays with you and the fiances wouldn’t be so bad… I mean he actually had fun. He deserves to have a bit of fun every once in a while.

[tyrantisterror]

I did a four part series of trivia posts when ATOM Volume 1: Tyrantis Walks Among Us! came out, and that was pretty fun!  You can see that set of trivia posts here if you’d like.  I thought it’d be fun to do another now that ATOM Volume 2: Tyrantis Roams the Earth! is out - just one this time, because a lot of the trivia I talked about with Volume 1 still applies.

I’m gonna divide this into two sections: non-spoiler trivia, for things that really don’t give a lot of plot points away, and spoiler trivia, for things that DO give away major plot points.  I recommend not reading the spoiler trivia until after you’ve read Tyrantis Roams the Earth!, for obvious reasons, and will put the spoiler trivia under a cut.

Ok, let’s go!

- So if you read ATOM Volume 1, you probably noticed that the book is split not only into chapters, but “episodes,” which consist of four chapters a piece.  It’s kind of a nod to how the series owes a great deal of its DNA to various monster of the week shows, with Godzilla: the Series and The Godzilla Power Hour being obvious influences.  It also allowed me to pepper in some illustrations and cheesy b-movie style titles into each volume.

- The first “episode” of Volume 2, Tyrantis in Tokyo, pays explicit homage to the giant monster movies of Japan, perhaps even moreso than the chapters that came before it.  Given how much Japanese media influenced ATOM - from tokusatsu like the Godzilla, Gamera, and Ultraman franchises to anime like Digimon and Evangelion (hell, the title of this episode itself is a tip of the hat to Tenchi Muyo by way of one of its spinoffs) - it kind of felt obligatory that Tyrantis visit Japan and pay his respects.

- Tyrantis in Tokyo also fits in a tribute to another staple of Atomic Age pop culture: Rock and Roll.

- Kutulusca, the giant cephalopod that appears in Tyrantis in Tokyo, is one of the oldest kaiju in this series, dating back to the first iteration of Tyrantis’s story that I put to paper back in 2001 or so.  It’s changed a lot since then, but its fight with Tyrantis goes more or less the way it originally did.

- Old Meg, the giant placoderm/shark, and Nastadyne, the bipedal beetle, both owe their existence directly to Deviantart’s Godzilla fandom.  Old Meg originated as a dunkleosteus monster I submitted to a “create a Godzilla kaiju” contest held by Matt Frank, while Nastadyne is based on a Megalon redesign I made during the “redesign all the Godzilla kaiju” phase of DA’s kaiju fandom.

- The second episode, Tyrantis vs. the Red Menace, gets dark as we visit the USSR, which had enough REAL horror with atomic power in its history to make creature features seem a bit defanged by comparison.  It’s probably the episode with the strongest horror elements - ATOM’s always been influenced by Resident Evil, and this is probably where that influence shows the most strongly.

- It also features the first fully robotic mecha in the series, the mighty Herakoschei!  Its name is a combination of “Heracles” and “Koschei the Deathless,” with the former part being added by its Russian creators to make it seem a bit more international as they offer it to the U.N. in hopes of gaining aid for a very extreme kaiju problem they’ve developed.

- Most of Tyrantis vs. the Red Menace takes place in the Siberian Monster Zone.  Its name is a reference to the Lawless Monster Zone in Ultraman, which is such a cool fucking name I wish that I wish I could go back in time and steal it.

- The next episode, Tyrantis’s Revenge, is... full of spoilers, so we’ll move on for now.

- The penultimate episode, Tyrantis vs. the Martian Monsters, is a love letter to MANY different sci-fi stories that involve life on Mars, though the most prominent of them is of course The War of The Worlds (one of my top 3 favorite books) and its various adaptations.  From its tentacles sapient martians, the tripodal leader of the titular monsters whose name includes the word “ulla” which is uttered by said sapient martians, the plant monster made of red vines, the cylinder-shaped spacecraft the Martian monsters are sent to earth on, the copper-skinned stingray-esque flying martian who shoots lasers from its tail, and the fact that every chapter title in this episode is a quote from the book, the H.G. Wells influence is STRONG.

- The final episode, Invasion from Beyond!, is shamelessly inspired by Destroy All Monsters, although there’s a dash of “To Serve Men,” Godzilla vs. Monster Zero, and The Day the Earth Stood Still mixed in as well.  It’s also sort of a tribute to my first “published” bit of a kaiju fiction - a rewrite of Destroy All Monsters that included EVERY Godzilla monster that had appeared at the time, which my middle school self wrote back in 2002 or so for Kaiju Headquarters, a kaiju fansite I’m not sure exists anymore.  Invasion from Beyond! is just as ambitious (but hopefully better executed) as my DAM Remake, with dozens upon dozens of different kaiju duking it out, earthlings vs. aliens.

- There were three different documents I made to outline the final battle of Invasion from Beyond!  It’s the largest episode of the series so far and more than half of it is that fucking fight.  My inner child is pleased, though, so hopefully you will be too.

Ok, that’s all I can share without spoilers.  READER BEWARE WHAT FOLLOWS BELOW THE CUT!

JUST MAKING SURE you know that SPOILERS will follow from here on out.  Read at your own peril!  YOU WERE WARNED!

(I’m gonna start with lighter ones just in case you scrolled too far and want to turn back)

- There’s a number of explicit Spielberg homages in ATOM Volume 2, from a “we need a bigger boat” joke during a chase with a giant shark to the fact that Invasion from Beyond! opens with a group of people flying to an island of monsters to review whether or not it should get more funding.

- When Tyrantis appears in the first chapter, I snuck in modified lyrics of The Godzilla Power Hour’s theme song.  “Up from the depths”... “several stories high”... “breathing fire”... “its head in the sky”... Tyrantis!  Tyrantis!  Tyrantis!

- The two rock bands in Tyrantis in Tokyo have real life inspirations ala Gwen Valentine, albeit a bit more muddled than hers.  The Cashews are inspired by The Peanuts (see what I did there), while The Thunder Lizards are a mix of The Rolling Stones, the Beatles, Buddy Holly, and the Big Bopper.  I wanted The Thunder Lizards to be more akin to the myth of a famous rock and roll band than the reality - less the real Beatles and more the Yellow Submarine cartoon version of them.

- The song The Thunder Lizards write for Tyrantis was written to fit the tune of “The Godzilla March” from Godzilla vs. Gigan, though ideally if someone made an actual song of it it would be its own song.  I got the idea from Over the Garden Wall, which used the Christmas song “O Holy Night” as a a starting point for “Come Wayward Souls.”

- Perry Martin, UNNO reporter and peer of Henry Robertson, is a nod to Raymond Burr, with his name being a combination of two of Burr’s most famous roles: Perry Mason, and Steve Martin from Godzilla King of the Monsters (1956).

- Dr. Rinko Tsuburaya is a few homages in one.  Her name comes from Rinko Kikuchi (who played Mako Mori in Pacific Rim), while her last name is obviously in homage of Eiji Tsuburaya.  Her being the daughter of an esteemed scientist is inspired by Emiko Yamane from the original Gojira.

- Nastadyne’s Burning Justice mode is named after a similar super mode from various Transformers cartoons, though it’s more directly inspired by the Shining/Burning Finger super move from G Gundam.

- Martians sending kaiju to different planets via shooting them out of cannons (with or without cylinder spaceships around them) is another War of the Worlds shoutout.  So is martians living on Venus after their homeworld was made uninhabitable, actually.

- Kurokame’s vocalizations are described as wails in explicit homage to Gamera.  His name can be translated as either “black tortoise” (a reference to the mythical guardian beast Genbu, which can also be construed as a Gamera reference thanks to Gamera: Advent of Irys implying Gamera and Genbu are one and the same) or a portmanteau of the Japanese words for crocodile and turtle - “crocturtle.”

- Burodon’s name is just a mangling of “burrow down.”  It also sounds vaguely like Baragon, who Burodon is loosely inspired by.  AND, since Burodon is sort of a knockoff/modified Baragon, that kinda makes him a reference to various monsters in Ultraman!

- The final battle of Tyrantis in Tokyo is sort of a hybrid of the finales of Ghidorah the 3 Headed Monster and Destroy All Monsters.  

- The Japanese kaiju teaching Tyrantis the art of throwing rocks at your enemies is both a joke on the prominence of rock throwing in Japanese kaiju fights AND the tired trope of an American hero learning secret martial arts from a Japanese mentor ala Batman, Iron Fist, etc.  In this case, the secret martial art is throwing rocks at people.

- When introduced to Herakoschei and its pilot, we are told that the strain of piloting this early mecha is so intense that many pilots have died in the process, with the current one passing out on more than few occasions.  This is of course a Pacific Rim homage - sadly, no one invents drifting.

- Herakoschei’s design is a loose homage to Robby the Robot and Cherno Alpha, because big boxy robots are cool.

- The Writhing Flesh and ESPECIALLY Pathogen are both hugely influenced by Resident Evil and The Thing.  Giant body horror piles of raw flesh, tendrils, mismatched mouths and limbs may be a bit outside the main era of monster design ATOM homages, but they fit the themes and bring a nice contrast.

- I came up with Pathogen long before Corona but MAN it definitely feels different in 2021 to have a giant monster whose name is a synonym for disease driving other creatures crazy in a quarantine zone than it did when I plotted out the story in 2016.

- The chapter title “Hello, Old Foes” is a riff on “Goodbye, Old Friend”

- Minerva, the kaiju-fied clone of Dr. Lerna, is meant to be an homage to Attack of the 50 Foot Woman, which is a genuinely good giant monster flick.  I am sure many of you will also believe I included her because I’m a pervert whose into tall women, but you’d be wrong!  I included the seven foot tall Russian mecha pilot Ludmilla Portnova because I’m a pervert whose into tall women.  Minerva’s inclusion was just coincidental, I swear!

- Since Promythigor is a play on the archetypal ape kaiju to contrast Tyrantis as a play on the archetypal fire-breathing reptile kaiju, their fight has a lot of nods to King Kong movies.  Promythigor attempts the famous jaw-snap maneuver of Kong (with less success), J.C. Clark paraphrases the “brute force vs. a thinking animal” line from the King Kong vs. Godzilla American cut, and Tyrantis slides down a mountain to knock Promythigor off his feet in a reversal of Kong doing the same in King Kong vs. Godzilla.

- Tyrantis sliding down a mountain on his tail doubles as a Godzilla vs. Megalon homage.

- Though Promythigor is the archetypal Ape and Tyrantis the archetypal Fire-Breathing Reptile, I think it’s fun to note that in some ways, Promythigor is the Godzilla equivalent in their matchup, and Tyrantis the Kong.  Promythigor has a slight size advantage, was scarred by humans performing unethical weapons technology, and is associated with violent explosions.  Tyrantis is a good-at-heart prehistoric beast who humanized in part by his unlikely friendship with a human woman.

- Of course, in the context of the famous quote from the American cut of King Kong vs. Godzilla, they remain in their archetypal lanes.  Promythigor is the more intelligent of the two (though not necessarily wiser), and Tyrantis is in many ways a brute reptile.  Their battle is a rebuttal of sorts to the assertion that Kong is the “better” animal because he is closer to human.  Promythigor’s near human creativity and emotions don’t make him the kinder/more benevolent monster, but instead fuel a very self-centered and destructive attitude that makes him the far more dangerous threat.  On the other hand, Tyrantis, who is less intelligent, limited in communication with others by his reptilian mindset and instincts, and simple in his thoughts and desires, is nonetheless a sweet creature that is easily dealt with when others consider his animal needs and mindset.  There’s a quote from Hellboy I love that probably sums up all of my writing thus far: “To be other than human does not mean the same as being less,” and that’s what the matchup between these two in particular tries to illustrate: the “less” human Tyrantis is nonetheless more benign than the “more” human Promythigor.

- Kraydi the psychic lizard began life as a soft sculpture I made of the Canyon Krayt Dragon from The Wildlife of Star Wars.  The sculpture didn’t look much like the illustration, but I liked how it came out, and so I made it an original monster named Kraydi (see what I did there).  Figuring out an explanation for that name in ATOM’s world was possibly the most difficult kaiju naming task in the series, but it worked out in the end.

- Kraydi and Promythigor having psychic powers is a result of my time on Godzilla fan forums in my middle school years.  Most of the forums had OC kaiju battle tournaments, and SO many of those kaiju had a wide array of beam weapons and psychic powers just to win the tournaments by beam-spamming and mind controlling their foes into oblivion.  There’s a special kind of rage you get when your original creation is beaten by “Fire Godzilla” because he has a genius level intellect and the power of unstoppable telekinesis.  Kraydi began as (and still is I suppose) my attempt to do a psychic kaiju well, while Promythigor’s villainy being tied to psychic powers being forced on him is sort of my passive aggressive commentary on people foisting powers on a monster without any real thematic reason for them.

- Henry Robertson and Dr. Praetorius chewing out the laziness of people giving kaiju completely unaltered names of mythic beasts will probably be seen as a jab at the Monsterverse and/or the numerous writers in the kaiju OC scene who do the same, but it’s ACTUALLY a jab at my past self, who had DOZENS of kaiju whose names were just Greek mythological figures verbatim.  There are dozens of kaiju named Hydra, Scylla, Charybdis, Chimera, etc., past me, try to make the names stand out!  Oh wait you did.  I mean, don’t pat yourself on the back too much, you still went with “Mothmanud” as a canon name and never came up with something better, but, like, good on ya for trying I guess.

- Dr. Praetorius takes his name from the evil mad scientis in Bride of Frankenstein, who basically has all the wicked traits that Universal’s Frankenstein downplayed in their take on Dr. Frankenstein.  Ironically, ATOM’s Dr. Praetorius is a bit less evil than his fellow mad scientists in ATOM.  I really like how his character turned out, he surprised me.

- Isaac Rossum, the pilot of the USA mecha Atomoton, is named for Isaac Aasimov, whose robot stories are to robot fiction what Lord of the Rings is to high fantasy.  His last name is a reference to Rossum’s Universal Robots, which is where the word “robot” came from.

- The unfortunate pilots of MechaTyrantis in ATOM Volumes 1 and 2 are all nods to Jurassic Park.  John Ludlow = John Hammond and Peter Ludlow, Ian Grant = Ian Malcolm and Alan Grant, Dennis Dodgson = Dennis Nedry and Lewis Dodgson.

- A good way to pitch Invasion from Beyond! would be “what if the staff and monsters were able to fight back when the Kilaaks tried to take over Monsterland?”

- Ok, here’s a fun joke that no one will get but me because it requires a very specific chain of logic based on some obscure and loosely connected nerd bullshit.  There’s a rocker in ATOM’s universe named Sebastian Haff, right?  One of his songs, “Darling Let’s Shimmy,” is referenced right before a mothmanud larva emerges from the ground in both ATOM Vol. 1 and 2.  Ok, so, in the Bubba Hotep, an aging Elvis impersonator named Sebastian Haff claims he is actually the real Elvis Presley, having changed places with the real Sebastian Haff as a sort of Prince and the Pauper deal that went wrong.  Got that?  Ok, so, in UFO folklore, a common joke is the theory that Elvis didn’t die, but was rather abducted by aliens (or he actually WAS an alien the whole time - the whole “Elvis didn’t die, he just went home” joke in Men in Black is a good example of this).  Ok?  Ok.  So, in ATOM’s universe, we can surmise that their equivalent of Elvis, whose name is Sebastian Haff, WAS abducted by aliens, and that his song “Darling Let’s Shimmy” is subconsciously influenced by his repressed memories from his time aboard the Beyonder spaceships, which is why it accidentally awoke a Mothmanud larva in Volume 1.  There’s a lot of bullshit jokes I put into ATOM, but this is perhaps the bullshittiest of them all.

- One of the most common bits of feedback on ATOM Volume 1 I got was “I kept waiting for something to eat Brick Rockwell, he’s such an asshole.”  And I had to smile and go, “Oh, yeah, guess he never got his, huh?” the whole time without letting on that he was going to die here all along!

- Dr. Lerna and Brick Rockwell’s nature as foils to each other is probably most apparent in Invasion from Beyond!, where both are given fairly similar situations - a nonhuman approaches them with a solution to a global crisis - and react to it very differently.  I worry that some people may think they both made the same choice and got different results, and that that’s hypocrisy on my part, but I hope I wrote it so you can see how their choices and situations actually differ in key ways, and why their decisions, while similar on the surface, are ultimately very different, and thus result in almost opposite outcomes.

- So, when I planned out this book in 2016, I swear I didn’t know about the Orca from 2019′s Godzilla King of the Monsters.  Having the plot hang around Dr. Lerna deciding whether or not to use a sonic device to rouse all the kaiju to save the earth was not INTENDED to be a Monsterverse reference - it came about from me looking at Pathfinder’s take on kaiju, who are all explicitly influenceable by music, and thinking, “Oh, wow, music and songs DO have a major connection with kaiju in a lot of media, I should do something with that.”  Whem KOTM came out a few days after Volume 1 came out I realized I was kinda fucked here, because the comparison was definitely going to be made, but I’d also set this all up already and you can’t just change suddenly to avoid looking like a copy cat and make a good story, so... I dunno, I leaned into it a bit, but it is what it is.

- While most people will probably think they’re a reference to the Reptoids of UFO folklore, the Reptodites are more inspired by the Dinosapien of speculative evolution fame and, even morso, by the Reptites from Chrono Trigger.  Me wanting to avoid the “lizard people control the government” conspiracy theory trope is one of the main reasons why Reptodites have this non-interference clause with humanity.

- Lieutenant Gray is a bunch of different humanoid aliens rolled into one - a little Hopskinville goblin, a little classic gray, a little this one weird alien with five-fingered zygodactyl hands, etc.

- There’s some Beyonder Mecha in this volume that are basically kaiju-fied versions of the Flatwoods Monster.  The species that built them ALSO engineered the Mothmanuds, because connecting Mothman and the Flatwoods Monster is fun!

- Pleprah is, obviously, a one-eyed one-horned flying purple people eater.

- Tyrantis’s brush with death, in addition to being so very anime, was inspired by my dad outlining how mythic heroes often have to travel to the underworld/land of the dead before they can finish their journey.  It’s one of the plot points that I’ve had planned for this series since middle school.

- I’m sure some will view it as hackneyed and corny, but as a person who’s battled with depression for decades, having Tyrantis’s choice to live be the big heroic turn of the finale was very important to me.  Tyrantis incorporates elements of a lot of imaginary friends I made as a kid, and in many ways he’s kind of the face of my more positive side in my head.  He’s been telling me to choose to live for a while, and while maybe to an outsider it may seem hackneyed, it’s just... very Tyrantis.  He chooses life and kindness in the face of pain and struggle.  That’s Tyrantis.

- Tyrantis’s powered up form is called “Hyper Mode,” which is another Gundam reference.  Originally it was a lot gaudier and involved him turning gold like a fuckin’ Super Saiyan.  I opted for something a little more toned down here.  

- Also, speaking of KOTM references, I decided to make Hyper Mode Tyrantis’s final duel with Pathogen be a sort of foil to Burning Godzilla’s final bout with Ghidorah in KOTM.  Instead of ravaging the city, Hyper Tyrantis’s pulse of energy rejuvenates his fallen allies, and as a result he is “crowned” not out of fear for his supremacy in the wake of killing a powerful enemy, but in gratitude for his kindness.  See?  Leaning into it!

- And now I can finally reveal that Yamaneon is ATOM’s equivalent of The Monolith Monsters - that is, a kaiju that is also a mineral.  I took the “strange continuously growing rock” thing in a very different direction, though, as unlike The Monolith Monsters, Yamaneon is actually alive.

- At various points in the pre-writing process, either Promythigor, MechaTyrantis, or both were going to die fighting Pathogen.  I ultimately decided to let them both live, with MechaTyrantis even getting his flesh and blood body back, because I think it’s more interesting and thematically consistent that way.  They get a chance to heal their wounds by changing their ways.

- The Great Beyonder and Dorazor both almost didn’t make the cut, as I felt they didn’t have the same pull as villains that Pathogen, Promythigor, and MechaTyrantis did.  But then I thought that could actually be the gag - build them up as the final boss, only to have Pathogen take their crown.  I want to explore post-face turn Dorazor a bit more, though.  We’ll have to see about that in a later volume.

- Volumes 1 and 2 make up what I call “The Ballad of Tyrantis Arc” for ATOM.  I call it that because Tyrantis’s storyline in these two volumes was patterend after Chivalric ballads like Yvain the Knight of the Lion.  Tyrantis, a heroic warrior who is kind but dumb of ass, learns of strange goings on outside his home and investigates.  During his journey into the unknown he falls in love with a powerful woman, whose favor he tries to win.  Through happenstance he is separated from his love and, distraught, wanders around fighting various foes to prove his worth, before finally returning to his love a better hero.  Invasion from Beyond! could even be seen as a sort of Morte d’Artur, with Tyrantis and a bunch of other kaiju heroes (including Nastadyne and Kemlasulla, who are built up as Hero Kaiju of Another Story) take part in a huge battle that threatens their idealic kingdom (of monsters).

- Volume 2 isn’t the end of ATOM, but it’s designed to work as an ending if you want to tap out here.  As a reader I feel a definitive ending is important, but as a writer I’m always tempted to revisit my beloved characters, so I feel giving closure while leaving a few doors open for possible future adventures is a good compromise between these positions.  There will be more ATOM stories, some (but not all!) following Tyrantis and Dr. Lerna, but if you want to know that Tyrantis and Dr. Lerna get an ending and the resolution to their arcs such a thing promises, here you go.  An ending, if not THE END.

[i-dont-want-your-hysteria]

The Leppard Albums: A Summary

(inspired by Every Beatles Album)

Happy Saturday night everyone

The Def Leppard EP

Joe is 19 and just wants to ride a motorcycle okay

Groupie fantasy

Zeppelin lyrics meet Rush with an underappreciated bass line

On Though the Night

IT'S!!! ROCK!!! N ROLL!!! BABEY!!!

Joe is 20 and just really doesn't wanna work in a factory anymore okay

pls D; girl D; stop D; hiding D; your D; pain!!

another... groupie fantasy... I think? ...???

Leppard in Space

Joe is 20 and just wants to write something edgy okay leave him alone

STEVE 👏👏👏 FUCKING 👏👏👏 CLARK!!!! 👏👏🔥👏🔥👏👌👌

the original groupie fantasy but it's been re-recorded

girl?? make up?? your mind???

let's be mysteriously edgy ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Zeppelin lyrics meets Rush but it's been re-recorded (but don't worry they still kept the underappreciated bass line)

High N Dry

everyone in this band is a slutty bottom and this is the song that proves it

we have Mutt Lange now and this is the song that proves it

drONK TIEM

betcha didn't think we could write a ballad, did ya ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

STÊVË!!!!! 👏👏👏👏 FÜCKÎÑ!!!!!! 👏👏👏👏👏 C L Ã R K!!!!!!!!!!!!! 🔥🔥🔥🔥👏👌👌🤙👏👌🔥👌🎉🎉

underappreciated and that's all there is to it

noooo don't go you're too mysterious and sexy hahhaha

oh god Dx oh god no Dx we don't sound like this anymore we swear Dx

betcha thought we stopped writing Beowulf-esque pop songs didn't ya ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

🚫🚫⛔👎🚫🙅‍♂️👎🚫⛔🙅‍♂️⛔ *Joe tearing his throat up for 2 solid minutes*

Pyromania

IT'S ROCK!!!!!! N ROLL!!!! BABEY!!!!!!!1!!!!1!!1!! AGAIN!!!!! 😆😆😆

the Classic Rock Fandom™ in a nutshell 😓

INTRODUCING PHIL 👌👌👌 FUCKING👏👏 COLLEN 🔥🔥🔥

betcha thought we abandoned the idea of doing a ballad didn't ya ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Joe's back at it again with the edgy songs and is getting a lot better at it too

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ∆ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Gunter 🙃 Glieben 🙃 Glauchen 🙃 Globen

the most underappreciated song on this whole entire fucking list sorry I don't make the rules

Alright, WHO in this band wants to be in a porno >:C

Joe's back at it yet again with the edgy songs but it's even BETTER this time

Hysteria

Girls Girls Girls ALL WOMEN ARE QUEENS ANAKIN

🎸we!!! fucking!!! love!!!! glam rock!!!!!! and african drum rhythms!!!!!!!!!🥁

we're not furries we swear we're just kinky D: also fuck you DJs here's some false endings

we haven't made a ballad that HURTS yet so here we go (with an underappreciated bass line)

the song that invented "( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)" (AKA when you cram for a test the minute before and end up getting 100%)

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)😏( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)😏( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

S T E V E 😭👏👏 F U C K I N 😭😭😭 C L A R K 👏👏👏😭👏😭

nooo don't shoot me you're too kinky hahaha

a song about rioting and being #punk, but the only crime the man singing it has ever committed was getting a speeding ticket when he was 19/20

oh. oh shit. oh god. holy shi- I can't believe... ...we just accidentally made the most perfect song to ever exist :o like seriously- people are achieving nirvana as we speak I'm not joking I think we went too far with the perfection this time guys

THIS SONG IS ABOUT S E X AND WE AIN'T BEING SHY ABOUT IT EITHER LET'S FUCKIN GO BABE-

Don't 👏 give 👏 me 👏 love 👏

Adrenalize

gkKLglldlflhlADKSLALLFLSS 😆😆😆

I fucking love my wife uWu

fkKMglgllsLLslgflephpGLDLPT 😆(͠≖ ͜ʖ͠≖)😆

We're just gonna get extremely romantic and passionate for 4 minutes and 3 seconds if that's alright with you (͠≖ ͜ʖ͠≖)

this album was the most painful thing any of us have ever had to do, so here's the most serious song we've ever done to date. Steve ✊ Fucking ✊ Clark ✊ -n-

now that our mental breakdown is over, we're gonna get extremely passionate and romantic again but for a lil longer this time aiight 🤙

one of us has a protection/ownership kink but we're not gonna tell you who

you know what this album needs? a little bit more pain

we're layin down the line (and by that we mean we want sex)

we're layin down the line pt.2 (we still want sex btw)

Retro Active

Beowulf songs are back babey 🤙

I'll say that again if I have to^

we!!! still!!! fucking!!! love!!!! glam rock!!!!! we even covered something to prove it!!!!!!

Joe has now officially mastered ballads

I fucking love my wife part 2: she's a badass top

While Joe was off mastering ballads, Phil studied the blade

We covered something else bc again!!! we fucking!!! love!!! glam!!!

We rewrote Joe's motorcycle song bc we now realize it was cringe af (and it was an excuse for Joe to talk to Ian Hunter so that made him happy)

Joe has now officially mastered edgy/serious songs

it's a total bop but oh god. No. Please. No. Oh God. No. Don't. Please. No. Pls. No. Oh god. Don't.

This should've been on Adrenalize and you can Fight Me On That

Phil studies the blade (electric version)

Joe masters ballads (electric version)

Vault (there's only one new song on here so that's all I'm doing)

babe nooooo D';

Slang

Epic edgelords part 1

Epic edgelords part 2: Phil wrote it this time

everyone in this band is a slutty bottom and this is the song that proves it Volume 2: Electric Bugaloo

soft breakdown :'c

hOT DOGGITY DAMN JOE'S VOICE HOLY HELL TAKE ME N- *clears throat* I mean introducing Vivian Campbell :3 aND THERE'S A BASS SOLO MMMM 🤤🤤👌 THIS SONG IS JUST SEXY FUCKIN LIFT ME UP AND-

Phil's marriage isn't going too well

in fact, no one's marriages are going too well

severely underrated bop

We're still not over Steve's death and we never will be :c

Joe makes edgy ballads his bitch yet again 👏👏

severely underrated banger 🔥🔥🔥

Euphoria

wE STILL MAKE FAST BOPS IN CASE YOU FORGOT 🤘🤘🤘🤘🤘🤘🤘

Holy shit I didn't know Joe could hit a note that high

The 90s sucked for us but we'rE STILL HERE BICH ����

Can we pls give Sav more songwriting space on albums thx 😭💗

everyone in this band is a slutty bottom and this is the song that proves it Volume 3: Even Sluttier This Time 😏

totally different from everything we've ever done and WE 👏 MADE IT 👏 OUR 👏 EDGY 👏 BITCH

uwu but it's sad so it's actually umu

partying like it's 1999- oh wait, it actually is 1999

*hugs Viv and scREEEEEEEEAAAMMS*

Phil studied the blade and attacks you with it

*gets escorted into the back of a police car* IM GUILTY!! I'M GUILTY!!! I'M NOT INNOCENT!!! 😫😫😫

whatever edginess we couldn't fit into Paper Sun we put into this song instead

we're entering the new millennium as Kings and there's nothing you can do about it 👑🖕

X (Ten)

Stand on a balcony at sunset when you listen to this one

(insert Vizzini saying "INCONCEIVABLE" here)

the big UwU

I got ghosted and it’s actually a lot more dark and depressing than I thought also I wish I was never awake

soft and edgy and sad acoustic dads

F-U-C-K SPELLS F- I mean L-O-V-E spells love uWu

babe nOOOooO I'm sorry I suck so much DD;

this sounds like out if Work It Out and Day After Day had a kid

we're gonna have a Funky Good Time whether you like it or not 😎

E D G E L O R D S 2 0 0 2

we can't decide if we want this album to be edgy or uwu so we're gonna make it both

the same passion as Tonight but less sexy and more (you guessed it) uwu

E D G E L O R D S 2 0 0 2 P A R T 2

Betcha thought our emo phase was over didn't ya ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Yeah!

bops have been and will ALWAYS be something we have mastered- even if the song we're playing isn't ours

SAV'S TIME TO SHINE

betcha thought we couldn't cover a Blondie song, did ya ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Phil's just getting nostalgic about London it's fine 👍

don't worry joe's still sCREAMIN

in which we make this song a million times better than the original

WE LOVE ROXY MUSIC SO MUCH WE CANTEXPLAINWEJUSTLOVEHEMRMFLGPHPH

we're letting Joe have his moment ok just let him have this 👨‍🎤

yeah we like Free- so whAT??

okay NOW we're letting Joe have his real moment- he's been waiting for this moment ever since he was like 12 okay just. let him. have this just. this one time. pls.

in which we confuse literally everyone by making them think this is a song that we wrote

we just need ONE more bop, okay? Just ONE more we swear then we'll stop being fanboys (for now...)

we'll be right back, it's Bow Down To Thin Lizzy Hour

*Phil tearing up his throat for 4 and a half solid minutes*

Songs From The Sparkle Lounge

this one's actually kinda dark and heavy? :o

honky tonk time 🤠🤙

FINALLY ONE OF SAV'S SONGS IS THE MOST POPULAR SONG OFF AN ALBUM 🙏🙏🙏🙏😩

FINALLY WE HAVE MORE SAV MATERIAL I LOVE IT SM ;∆; !!!!

Phil's songs are severely underrated tho pls give them more attention

it's time for one (1) badass religious song and if you don't like it then you can Fuck Off kindly 🙃

This whole album is "Songs That Were Written By Phil and Viv and Sav" heaven

I think sometimes people forget that we, even as a band, are fans of the Classic Rock Fandom™ too, and we feel the same pain as the other fans :'^)🤙

Joe's three minutes of fame on this album

Joe's three minutes of fame on this album part 2

Viv's songs are severely underrated tho pls give them more attention

Mirror Ball (bonus tracks)

we grabbed fate by the balls and screamed fUCK YOU 🖕🖕

We are still Kings™ in case anyone was wondering 👑🖕

✨PHIL BELIEVES!!!! IN!!!!! LOVE!!!!!!!! AND!!!!!!!!!! BELIEVING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!✨

Def Leppard (Self Titled 2015)

Is this song about playing a live show? Probably. Is it also about having a fight? Is it also about angry sex? The world may never know.

Okay this one just absolutely SLAPS, periodt.

bootleg Another One Bites The Dust

*SOBBING* THEY'RE ALL SINGING LEAD I'M-

being badass, That's The Power Of Love

don't worry, we still know how to be Poetically Edgy

iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii'm *bump bump* hooked on a feeeeling

I've Got a Spiritual Romantic Boner

Can't Keep Away From The Flame edginess gets crossed with some Zeppelin charm and badassery

someone in this band is fucking piSSED 😠😠😠😠

we're gonna @ someone tonight fellas

sAV OH MY GOD BABYYYYY 😰😰😭😭😭😭 DO YOU NEED A HUG

what if we tried to cross newer Metallica with Nickelback 🤔

what if we turned this into We All Need Christmas three years from now... 🤔

Bonus: Personal Jesus/We All Need Christmas

Viv really wanted to cover ABBA but everyone said no so he settled for cowboy goth™ instead

What better man to write a warm and fuzzy Christmas song than the warm and fuzziest man alive (Sav)

[mybunnyparadenme]

(This is my edgy blog btw) Ship: bunny duh Prompts: 3, 11, and 12 I couldn’t choose so you can pick one if you don’t want to do them all!

Sorry it took me so long! I managed to combine all three prompts and here’s the result! Hope you like it~

#2 Things you said too quietly/#11 Things you said when you were drunk/#12 things you said when you thought i was asleep

Kenny couldn't think of a better way to spend a Friday night. He and Butters were hanging out in Butters' bedroom, listening to sugary sweet pop music and drinking McDonald's iced coffees that Kenny had picked up on the way over. They weren't drinking just any iced coffee though. Butters had nicked a bottle of Kahlua from his parent's liquor cabinet, and the two of them had been adding it into their coffees all night. Kenny already had a good buzz going, and Butters had just gone past that judging by how loud he was talking.

"You can't hog it all, Ken!" Butters pouted, reaching for the bottle with grabby hands. "Give it here!"

"Dude you've had more than me by now." Kenny said, laughing when Butters pouted even harder. He handed it over easily though, Butters deserved a night to let as loose as he wanted.

Instead of pouring more into his drink, Butters brought it straight to his lips and swallowed down several mouthfuls before he pulled it back with a grimace. "Oh that's strong!"

"You should've mixed it with your coffee!"

"It's pretty much all Kahlua at this point." Butters said, swishing around the contents in his half empty cup. It was much darker now than when Kenny had presented it to him. He looked up and gave Kenny a wild grin. "Besides, I can handle it. Waterin' it down is for pussies!

Kenny laughed again, the full kind of laugh that only happened when you were drunk enough that every little thing became the funniest thing you ever heard. He was so glad Stephen and Linda were going to be gone until tomorrow afternoon. The two of them could enjoy this time without having to worry about getting caught with pilfered liquor. Speaking of being caught though... "Okay, so how grounded do you think you'd be if your parents walked in right now?"

"Um." Butters paused, looking worried for a split second downing the remainder of his drink. He shook his head and raised his fist in the air with a shout, "I don't know and I don't care! You're looking at a guy who doesn't give a fuck about getting grounded!"

"Holy shit, drunk you is a badass." Kenny said, a slow smile forming on his face. He felt more attracted to Butters in this moment than he ever had before, but then again being attracted to Butters wasn't really new to him. Still, he couldn't deny Butters saying he didn't care about getting grounded was really fucking hot. He grabbed the bottle of Kahlua, hoping a strong shot would clear his thoughts, and found that it was almost empty. "Damn, we almost finished the whole thing, Butters. We're gonna have to fill it up with something before your folks come back."

"Do we have to?" Butters asked, his eyebrows furrowing together. "They get enough from me already, fuck them and fuck their booze!"

"Hell yeah, fuck those tyrants!" Kenny said, but mentally he told himself to brew some coffee and vodka together later. As much as he loved this new side of Butters, there was no way he was letting Butters get grounded into oblivion over one night of fun.

"And if they try anything we could run away together!" Butters said, looking excited now. His eyes were bright and dreamy. "That would really show 'em. Ooh, we could really piss them off and leave a note sayin' we went to Vegas and are getting married!"

"Huh?!" Kenny had been about to tip the rest of his iced coffee into his mouth, but hearing that last bit shocked him so much he ended up spilling it all over his sweater.

Like a light switch flicking off, Butters' bravado fell away into concern. "Oh no, I'm sorry for getting so carried away and startlin' you Kenny! We gotta get that sweater in the wash before the stain sets in."

"It's... it's not that bad." Kenny murmured, hoping the heat rising to his cheeks looked more like a drunken flush. "I can just rinse it off in the sink when I go home."

"And catch your death of cold? Uh-uh, we're getting that cleaned right away. Give it here." Butters leaned over and started to lift it off of Kenny's body.

It took his alcohol addled brain a minute to realize that Butters was actually undressing him right now. Kenny couldn't help the long 'nice' that went through his mind as the sweater went over his head, but immediately afterwards their eyes locked and the full awkwardness of the situation finally hit them. Kenny's arms were over his head and tangled up in his sweater's sleeves, Butters' nose an inch away from his. He was close enough to a kiss...

"Oh sweet Mary." Butters breathed as he pulled back, his cheeks blazing. "I-I'm sorry, I shouldn't've done that."

"No big deal!" Kenny quickly reassured him, his heart was slamming against his ribcage. He slipped his sweater the rest of the way off and held it out in front of him, keeping his eyes locked on the ground. "Here."

"Thank you!" Butters squeaked, standing up way too fast. He swayed on his feet, but managed to stay upright. "Y-You can go ahead and grab one of my shirts while I get this washed okay?"

"Okay, I will. Thanks." Kenny said, standing up awkwardly. He felt so exposed without his sweater, goosebumps rising all over his arms. He could feel Butters eyes on him even without looking up.

"I'll be back soon!" Butters said before bolting out of the room.

Kenny let himself wallow in embarrassment for a few seconds, but then the cold got to him and he made his way over to the dresser on the other side of the room. He picked the first long-sleeved shirt on, a pale green one that smelled like citrus detergent. His heart skipped a beat when he recognized it as the scent that always seemed to cling to Butters' skin. He brought the sleeve up to his nose and inhaled deeply, then buried his face in his hands when he realized what he was doing. The alcohol, he blamed this on the alcohol.

A few minutes later Butters came back into the room, still looking a little flustered. "O-Okay, it'll be ready in a little while."

"Cool." Kenny said from his spot on the bed. The tension was still thick between them, and it was high time they brought the mood back to what it was before. He put on an exaggerated grin and casually asked, "So what'd you think of my tiddies? They were pretty great right?"

"Oh my god!" Butters giggled, all of his nervousness fading away as he laughed. He let himself sink onto the bed next to Kenny, their shoulders brushing casually. "My honest opinion? They were a little flat for my tastes.

"You wound me, Butters." Kenny sighed, placing a hand over his heart dramatically.

"But I thought your freckles were neat. I never realized these were an all-over thing." Butters said, tapping the tip of Kenny's nose.

"Yeah, they... they're usually hidden underneath my clothes." Kenny said, his heart leaping at that easy touch. He hoped it wasn't just the Kahlua making him do that.

"You should show them off more often." Butters smiled at him. He said the next part softly, almost too low to hear. "They're really cute on you."

Cute? Butters thought he was cute? Kenny chewed the inside of his cheek, fighting back the smile that was threatening to give away how happy hearing that made him. Holy shit, Butters Stotch thought he was cute!

"I feel like dancin', don't you Ken?" Butters asked, as he rose to his feet again. He moved over to his nightstand where his phone was still playing pop songs. "Pick something fun for us to dance to!"

"Uhhhh, play some Katy Perry!" Kenny blurted out as he stood up too. "The earlier the better!"

"Got it!"

A minute later the two of them were belting out lyrics about getting hitched in Vegas, laughing and jumping around so much that Kenny was sure the floor was going to collapse underneath them. The room was spinning and the Kahlua and coffee mixture was sloshing around in his stomach, but Kenny felt better than he had in a while just being here with Butters. He always felt better when they were together.

They danced for half a dozen songs, shouting gibberish when they forgot the lyrics or just plain didn't know them in the first place. They were out of breath by the time they shut the music off and fell onto the bed in a tangle of limbs, giggling from both exhaustion and the alcohol still coursing through their bodies. Butters had a smile so wide his cheeks had to hurt.

"That was a lot of fun, Kenny." Butters said, reaching up to brush Kenny's hair from his sweaty forehead. His eyes were shining. "Thanks for coming over today."

"Thanks for inviting me." Kenny said, leaning into the touch with a sigh. "Hanging out with you is the best."

"Yeah?" Butters closed his eyes, a sleepy smile forming on his face. "I feel the same. You're my best friend, you know."

Had he known that? Kenny thought back to all the time they spent together, just the two of them. They were close definitely but... best friends? God that was freaking profound. Was that just the alcohol talking? Would Butters even remember saying it in the morning? God he wanted Butters to remember this.

"Butters do you-" He started, only to cut himself off when he saw that Butters' eyes were closed, his breathing even like he was fast asleep. He reached up and waved his hand in front of his face, holding his breath until Butters' eyes fluttered open.

"Mm? What is it, Ken?" Butters murmured, his eyes soft with slowly fading consciousness.

"You meant it right?" Kenny swallowed down the nervousness from earlier that threatened to steal his words away. God his eyes were the palest shade of blue. He wanted to tell Butters how beautiful they looked.

It was silent for a moment, long enough for Kenny to worry that Butters had fallen asleep with his eyes open, but then he reached up and patted his cheek softly. "'Course I meant it. You're my sunshine guy."

Kenny wanted to melt into this moment. Butters' fingers were warm on his heated face, and surprisingly rough with callouses. Probably from all the chores his parents had him do, but it was comforting all the same. Butters eyes drifted shut, and without the eye contact Kenny felt brave enough to reach up and place his own hand on top of his. He could feel his whole body relax as this quiet moment stretched on, and sleep started to overtake his consciousness. Just before he drifted off, he let himself murmur, "You're my best friend too Butters... light of my life. I love you so much."

He was asleep before he could hear the soft gasp that followed his confession.

[dentalrecordsmusic]

The Resurrection of My Chemical Romance: MCR’s Dark Catholicism

Words by Cae Rosch

On October 31, 2019, My Chemical Romance rose from the grave.

Resurrection isn’t a new theme for them, whether it’s in the salvation narrative the band was founded on (“We’re here to save kids’ lives”) or the pervasive undead monsters and heroes throughout their body of lyrics. The Return is another step in their decades-long salvation narrative. And that salvation narrative, one in which death is intimate and impending and necessary, one in which we come alive by shouting out our sorrows and sins like a cathartic confession to rock and roll, is deeply intertwined with a darkly Catholic perspective on the world.

It’s not new to talk about MCR as, on some level, a Catholic band - there’s already great writing about this. But the band took it to a whole new level even just with the concept of The Return, and so we have to take talking about it to a whole new level too.

We know the core members of the band come from Catholic backgrounds (specifically, for the most part, Italian-American Catholic, which is uncontestedly the most melodramatic mode of modern Catholicism). And like most people from Catholic backgrounds, there’s a complex and painful relationship there. As Gerard Way has said, “I was raised Catholic, which turned me off from religion because I had a very bad experience.” Yet in the same response, he remarked that he believed in God, even if it wasn’t in quite a Catholic way.

But that’s the thing: for the sake of this discussion, it doesn’t fucking matter if anyone believes. Regardless of the belief system you grow up to have, Catholicism isn’t something you just shake off, because it’s not simply an ideology - it’s a full-body, five-sense aesthetic world. It never fully departs your subconscious. Something, however small, lingers on your soul. That’s just as true of MCR as it is of your average Catholic or former Catholic on the street. And we can see it throughout their whole body of work.

The imagery is obvious. Song titles reference the Virgin Mary revered as Our Lady of Sorrows, lyrics are addressed to nuns and set in churches and graveyards, entire photoshoots center around Gerard Way as a rock and roll priest. The underlying narrative and its accompanying implied worldview, however, are a lot more subtle. 

C.S. Lewis, though not a Catholic, was operating within a Catholic context when he wrote in Mere Christianity, “The Church exists for nothing else but to draw men into Christ, to make them little Christs.” In the salvation narrative that began as soon as the band did, MCR act as little Christs themselves. But they act within one very specific moment in Christ’s own narrative: at the moment Jesus hangs on the cross, the ninth hour, when he cries out, “Ηλει ηλει λεμα σαβαχθανι” - “Eloi, Eloi, lema sabacthani?” My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? MCR’s dark Catholicism hurts.

At the very beginning of MCR, Gerard Way thought of it as a “mission from God” despite his own troubled relationship with Catholicism. He writes, “I even firmly believed in creating MCR… The mission involved helping people and battling the forces of evil, by using word and the purifying flames produced by Marshall Halfstack amplification.” This is a saintly mission, a mission of sacrifice. It shows clearly in their early lyrics.

On their first album, the two most Catholicly obvious songs are also the two most relevant to the band’s salvation narrative. Here, in “Vampires Will Never Hurt You,” the singer embraces the necessity of sacrifice to the point of death to save a beloved from the threat of a very Catholic monster. Vampires have a relationship with Catholicism nearly as fraught as MCR’s - Catholics make excellent monsters in the Protestant culture of early vampire literature, given their literal blood-drinking, yet Catholic iconography is also the most powerful weapon against vampires. Similarly, when Way sings, “And if they get me and the sun goes down into the ground / And if they get me, take this spike to my heart and… / You put the spike in my heart,” he becomes both savior and villain. He dies to himself and becomes a monster, abandoned by God (“Someone burned the church.”) 

The only hope for others’ salvation is for him to die. Yet similar to the forsaken Christ, he still desperately cries out for his own salvation when he sings, “And someone save my soul, tonight / Please save my soul.”

“Our Lady of Sorrows,” unsurprisingly, further emphasizes the band’s drive toward sacrifice in its depiction of sainthood (“the patron saint of switchblade fights”) as an act of defiant death for the sake of salvation (“Oh, how wrong we were to think / That immortality meant never dying.”) The violent juxtaposition of that switchblade imagery with the idea of sainthood shows an intense focus on the agony of salvation - fitting, in a song named for Our Lady of Sorrows, who is depicted weeping, with seven swords that represent the seven great agonies of her life piercing her heart.

Salvation is just as painful on Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge. The album and its associated era are extremely heavy on Catholic imagery in general (see the video for “Helena” and that one priest photoshoot, you know the one).

The album’s “Interlude” is a literal prayer for the intercession of the saints (“Saints protect her now,”) and it’s immediately followed by a song directly addressed to a nun - “Thank You for the Venom.” As in “Vampires Will Never Hurt You,” the singer accepts that his sacrifice will be painful when he sings, “So give me all your poison / And give me all your pills / And give me all your hopeless hearts / And make me ill.” He takes all this onto himself to the point of violent death - “If this is what you want / Then fire at will.”

But just as the figure of Christ, forsaken on the cross, shocks us with the sudden pain of his sacrifice, the singer once again juxtaposes religious and violent imagery to force us to be aware of the complexity of the saving act - sure, his sacrifice is saving people, but it’s fucking excruciating to die. When he sings “I keep a gun in the book you gave me / Hallelujah, lock and load” in the same song as a command to “fire at will,” we can’t see him as simply accepting his sacrifice like the complacent Jesus it would be simpler to remember. Instead, he is a “little Christ” to the Jesus who calls desperately for his father as he suffers and dies. “Give me a reason to believe,” Way cries, and we feel that same desperation.

This dynamic - MCR as the abandoned, agonized martyr violently saving people - builds up through their first two albums. In the 2006 single release of “Welcome to the Black Parade” and “Heaven Help Us,” it explodes.

It’s fitting that these songs are a single and its b-side because they express the two attitudes whose tension drives MCR’s entire narrative of martyrdom and salvation. “Welcome to the Black Parade” embraces the heroic aspect of the savior, victorious through and beyond death. “Heaven Help Us” is its tortured dark side - the savior’s moment of absolute pain, isolation, and loss of faith before that victory can begin.

“Welcome to the Black Parade” is the most explicit expression of the idea of salvation, beginning almost immediately with the request: “Would you be the savior of the broken / The beaten and the damned?” With this single release, MCR becomes completely upfront about how the thematic martyrdom in their lyrics matches up with the band’s verbalized desire “to save kids’ lives.” MCR know their fan base. Their fans are the bullied kids, the depressed kids, those struggling with trauma and addiction and anxiety - everyone society calls “broken.” It’s clear who’s stepping up to be those kids’ savior.

Though “Welcome to the Black Parade” doesn’t include the kind of explicit Catholic imagery that MCR’s previous records did, lyrics like “Do or die, you’ll never make me / Because the world will never take my heart / Go and try, you’ll never break me” demonstrate a profoundly Catholic attitude toward saving hearts and souls. No matter how much pain (and there’s clearly a lot) happens in this world, the heart persists. This song is about joyous suffering enabled by a heroic savior, about a defiant march past earthly oppression and into eternal victory. That’s pretty Catholic, my friends.

“Heaven Help Us” is about the actual pain that that savior must experience for “Welcome to the Black Parade” to have its victorious end. It’s the darker side of an already dark song.

It’s no accident that “Heaven Help Us,” while just as thematically Catholic as its A-side, is far more obvious about its Catholic imagery. Catholicism knows how to show us pain in a way that’s both beautiful and shocking. When your relationship with the Church itself is alienated and painful, that imagery comes out even more. 

“Heaven Help Us” begins with a melody that eerily parallels the classic Christmas carol “O Holy Night.” But it subverts the idea of a hymn, instead almost luxuriating in sprawling religious abandonment. Its imagery is viscerally bloody - “‘Cause mostly I’ve been sprawled on these cathedral steps / While spitting out the blood and screaming / Someone save us.” The lyrics invite sacrifice (“‘Cause I’ll give you all the nails you need / Cover me in gasoline”) but also call out with the desperation of the abandoned (“And the punchline to the joke is asking / Someone save us.” 

“Heaven Help Us” is a cry born from fear and resignation to abandonment. “Would you pray for me / Or make a saint of me?” becomes horrifyingly ironic when we remember how fast the path to sainthood is for martyrs - it’s almost automatic once they’re murdered. This singer isn’t the defiant hero of “Welcome to the Black Parade.” This singer is dying, alone, prayers unanswered.

And the thing about Catholicism is that both of those figures are equally Christ. Seeds of MCR’s dark salvation narrative persist throughout their discography. Even on Danger Days: The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys, “Save Yourself, I’ll Hold Them Back” offers salvation through sacrifice right there in the title. The release of “Welcome to the Black Parade” / “Heaven Help Us” harvests what those seeds all grow up to become - the image of Christ, forsaken. It’s the moment where the pain of fraught relationships with Catholicism crystallizes in support of the band’s mission: going forth into the world to save kids’ lives. But apparently, it wasn’t enough to leave it there.

When MCR formed, the US was a horrific place to live for a whole lot of people. The band started in 2001, and so did the shift of the Bush administration into outright pseudo-fascism. Take it from me, a young teenager of the 2000s - that was not a good time to be a depressed kid, a gay kid, a traumatized kid, any kind of religious or ethnic minority. That was a very specific cultural context, one in which MCR needed to mold themselves into the salvific figure of an alienated rock and roll “little Christ” to save a world of equally alienated kids.

They’re now reemerging in the renewed horror of the Trump administration: the Bush administration on steroids. There’s a whole lot of alienated kids who need saving. And now, at least this one savior is back.

We may not have any new music, but the imagery of MCR’s Return situates them firmly back in their dark Catholic milieu. They announced their return accompanied by a photo of Pasquale Rizzoli’s “Cella Magnani,” a funerary statue in which an angel draws the soul of a dead woman into the celestial blue of its mosaic backdrop. The new logo, in which the letters “MCR” are written in a medieval Protogothic script, situates us back in MCR’s familiar black-and-white color scheme. In combination with “Cella Magnani,” it also places us in the medieval mode of memento mori - an aesthetic practice beginning in medieval Catholicism in which actively remembering your death helps you prepare your soul to die in a state of grace. (Side note: “Welcome to the Black Parade” is included on a popular memento mori-themed playlist curated by a nun.)

A lot of the effectiveness of memento mori comes from the Catholic perspective on the resurrection of the dead - the idea that someday, Christ will rise again and enact ultimate, perfect justice, giving everybody (and every body) exactly what they deserve. So in light of that, MCR’s Return narrative is itself a Catholic salvation narrative. MCR might not literally mean it that way, but in their own small way, this Return lets us hope that someday real justice will come. Someday, someone we trust will come to judge everyone and not even death will stop it. 

With their return, MCR’s dark Catholicism helps us remember that this is a band bent on saving lives - our lives. For people like us, MCR has spent 18 years building up the idea of a forsaken-Christ figure that exists specifically to save our lives - and that idea rising from the grave is pretty comforting.

Cae Rosch has been listening to MCR since 2004 and cries about Our Lady of Sorrows (the religious figure and the song) at least 18 times a day. Follow her on Twitter and Instagram.

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[charmingturkeysandwich]

fireworks (that went off too soon)

Hey there! This is a CS one shot. An AU in which Killian is the lead singer and songwriter in a band that sounds suspiciously like Fall Out Boy...

Summary: Emma and Killian were friends in college, but haven’t spoken in 9 years. Killian’s band’s new single changes everything.

Words: 4400ish

Rating: Teen? (Swearing, References to Sex)

Also on AO3

Big thanks to @awkwardnessandbaseball​ for reading this over, correcting all my dumbass mistakes, and helping me polish this up pretty :) (The title comes from my favorite Fall Out Boy song, Fourth of July. It’s heavily featured in the story sung by Killian’s band.)

---

It was 3pm on Friday the 13th – also a Full Moon – when Emma Swan finally had the meltdown she’d pressed “pause” on about nine years earlier.

(Nine years, three months, more accurately, but who was counting?)

The work week was winding down. The get this done today or be fired tasks had been completed and all the emails had been answered and it was about time to start doing the bare minimum to run down the clock to 5:01 when she could, without regret, run screaming from the building and put her god forsaken job out of her mind for two days of rest, relaxation, and rum.

(Definitely the rum. Or maybe it had been upgraded to a tequila weekend.)

It was Pandora’s fault, really. (A fitting name for opening up an emotional box inside her soul that had been sealed for quite a long time and with very good fucking reason.)

Usually Emma listened to wordless music – movie scores, Vitamin String Quartet and the like – so as to keep the creative juices flowing without breaking her train of concentration. But having reached the procrastination part of the afternoon, she thought, what harm could there be in listening to a little regular music?

Emma had always had a soft spot for pop/punk/emo music. It brought her joy even when it wasn’t joyful, which is either a sentiment only shared by lonely foster girls or perhaps all emo kids, but did it matter? It was her kind of music. Long before she met Killian Jones.

But then she met him. He was an insufferable ass at least 2/3 of the time, but for the other third of his life, he was sweet, funny, and musically a goddamn genius. His voice was smooth and warm, he could play guitar like it was in his DNA, and his lyrics were both relatable and completely original. She was half in love from the start, so of course she pushed him as far away as possible.

(Love is patient; love is kind. Love is slowly losing my mind)

He was aloof. At best. They were college kids who shared a dorm building and not much else, not until their roommates fell in love with each other. That’s around the time they started spending an inordinate amount of time together. He was fucking anything with brown eyes and tits and she absolutely did not care and everything was fine. They were friends, kind of. She was a fan of his band, but not in the groupie way. She had no intention of being just a notch in his bedpost or a line in his song.

(As it turned out, she ended up becoming both. Eventually.)

When he wasn’t playing shows in dive bars (or fucking freshmen girls in a shower stall of their dorm hall’s shared bathroom), he spent a lot of time in Emma’s room. Mostly to avoid Mary Margaret and David in his room who were, as he called it, “the most sickly sweet love story this side of the Atlantic” and “a complete buzzkill to complex song-writing.” And she was OK with it. She loved when he would compose while she read. And they had the best conversations. They challenged each other on everything from politics to pie flavors and she’d never been so stimulated by someone of the opposite sex in her life.

Intellectually stimulated. In the brain.

By junior year, the two pairs of roommates had moved off-campus, opting to share a three bedroom house while they finished up school. Killian’s band was starting to actually make something of themselves, but he vowed to get his degree (this pretty face won’t last forever), and Emma played tutor for him when he skipped class for weeks on end so he could play some gigs on the west coast.

They were friends. They were equals. They meant so much more to each other than “just” friends or study buddies or housemates or anything, because the past three years had been the most stable years in either of their lives and it was all because of the support they received from each other in the darkest nights and the brightest days and seriously.

Fuck Pandora.

It had distracted her when she was in the middle of perfectly pleasant procrastinating. Now she was getting off track. Frazzled. Fucking pissed.

With her work mostly finished, she had decided to listen to Panic! At the Disco’s station. It was a safe zone – the best of two different genres: emo and pop. She bopped along to Blink 182 and “the Ballad of Mona Lisa.” She swayed and swooned a little when “Secrets” by One Republic played. And she got a good laugh at “I’m Not OK (I Promise),” remembering the days she’d scream “I’m not o-fucking kay! [trust me]” every time she got into a fight with the foster mother she now loved so very much.

But then there was a dramatic twist and a cinematic sweep and that voice and before she could switch the station, some warning popped up at her, removing all the buttons and controls and displaying the error message of SOMETHING WENT WRONG and all she could think was no shit, Sherlock.

Killian’s band got big when they were 21. And stayed big. The band broke up once, briefly, but they’d been dancing around the American Top 40 for at least 6 of the last 9 years and as much as it hurt her to hear his voice through a radio and not through a wall of their shared house, at least the lyrics of the songs never stung her before.

Because they’d never been about her before.

It was the summer before senior year, late that June, and Killian had just returned from a little pop-punk festival in Seattle. She’d picked him up at the airport in Portland (Maine) and had been chatting his ear off about how much better “our” Portland was from “theirs” (Oregon), but Killian had been largely silent.

Which was out of character to the extreme, his little creative writing/song composer mind always racing and his far too pleasing voice always spilling from his stupidly attractive lips.

“What is up with you, Jones? I just said that they have better lobster in Oregon and you didn’t even react.”

From the passenger seat, he played with the window controller, the air whooshing in and stopping to the rhythm of Seven Nation Army AKA the world’s most overplayed song that wasn’t sung by Ed Sheeran or Taylor Swift.

“Hmm? Oh, it’s nothing, Swan. A problem for a different day, to be sure.”

His voice had been quiet, unsure. That wasn’t him either. This was the asshole who could start a trend with a typo and who claimed to have made a girl come with nothing but his voice. His level of confidence was infuriating, but unshakeable.

(He made forgetting the words to his own songs look attractive. And that was an eventual Buzzfeed headline, not Emma’s own assessment. Obviously.)

“Killian, what’s up? Did the festival not go as well as you wanted? From what I saw on YouTube, it seemed awfully successful.”

“Aye, love.” He perked up just a bit, finally turning toward her and smiling. “It was grand.”

“And you’re brooding because, what, you’re worried that feeling happy for too long will sap you of your emo energy or something?”

Her attempt to lighten the mood didn’t seem to take, though, and Killian turned back out the window like he was practicing for his very own music video.

When they got back to their house, Emma grabbed his clothes and Killian lugged the musical equipment and neither of them said a word.

Fog had rolled in, or maybe it was on its way out, and if it weren’t for the green leaves, it might have felt like October. But there was something about his expression that was a hell of a lot more December. Something ending.

They were lingering almost awkwardly in their kitchen, Emma trying to casually wrack her brain for how to pull Killian out of his little funk, when he interrupted her with an overdramatic clearing of his throat.

“Ahem! Fancy a drink, Swan?” Killian extended a shot glass to her, a dark liquid inside that couldn’t be anything but spiced rum.

“What’s the occasion?” she asked hesitantly.

“Perhaps… perhaps it’s a celebration.”

“…of?”

“Your business sense, of course!” He lifted his glass toward hers for a clink and then downed the shot faster than she could even raise hers to her lips.

“What kind of business are we talking here? I’m not sure if this is the setup for an idiot joke or a reference to lyrics you swear you told me you wrote but never actually did.”

“Ah, love, no. Not that, this time anyway. Actually – actually, it’s about the band. And ‘Grand Theft Autumn.’ They loved it like you said they would.”

“They being?”

“The record company. They loved it. And they want it. And us.”

Holy shit! She knew it. They were going to be famous. Killian deserved it so much and they were going to be huge and everyone was going to love him just like she did and –

Wait.

“When you say they want you… do you mean, like, deferred acceptance so you can finish college or…”

“No, love. The boys and I … we’re packing up and moving to LA.”

She was dumbfounded.

“LA?”

“Aye.”

“When?”

“Monday.”

That’s right about the time her stomach dropped to her heels and the rum threatened its way back up her throat and perhaps onto Killian’s perfectly rumpled white shirt.

She just – wasn’t ready to let him go.

She could hear his honey-smooth voice drift through her head, his own lyrics seeming oddly relevant to this dramatic turn in her life.

Maybe he won’t find out what I know; you were the last good thing about this part of town.

So they drank. And drank. And drank some more. They were more honest with each other than they’d been in three years. She told him how much she hated that he thought setting his clocks early would keep him from being late. And he told her that he didn’t truly think that… it just had fit as a song lyrics and he felt like he needed to “make it authentic by living it.”

She called him pretentious and he called her painfully adorable and neither were true and yet somehow they felt like the perfect identifiers for the characters they were trying to be when they weren’t with each other.

So of course she fell into bed with him that night. Her bed. The twinkly lights hung around her ceiling were flickering as he kissed a trail down her neck and she tugged off his way-too-tight jeans and dear fucking lord if she thought the only thing he could do with his tongue was sing, she was officially wrong.

But come morning she was officially gone. As the sun rose on a rainy June Sunday morning, she slipped out of her bed, slid into whatever clothes she could reach without making noise, and jogged all the way to David’s brother’s frat house to hide until Monday came and went and when exactly did her life turn into an emo song?

When I wake up I’m willing to take my chances on the hope I forget

September. Friday the 13th. Pandora malfunction. Her brain was reeling and her heart was shattering all over again, because the song pumping through her pathetic tinny Dell speakers was, on first blush, just another of his melodramatic fictions, a series of sentiments that sounded good together but that he’d never actually experienced (he’d admitted the best songs were much like Hey There Delilah… a lovely story and 0% real).  But she could hear something genuine in that still so attractive voice. And then… a few familiar thoughts.

I’ll be as honest as you let me

I miss your early morning company

If you get me

You are my favorite ‘what if’

You are my best ‘I’ll never know’

She’d turned off her phone the morning she’d left him in her bed. Kept it off until Tuesday. And blocked his number the minute she turned it back on.

Goodbyes were bad enough. To have been reduced to his very last college-one-night-stand? She couldn’t face it.

(Especially because she’d realized mid-fuck she’d kind of always wanted to be his forever, or whatever overly-romantic hyperbole he’d scoff at before writing it down in his notes.)

She hadn’t let herself think of him for longer than the span of one of his songs since that day. Even then, she’d usually change the channel. It was just too hard.

But could this one actually be about her? And if so, what the fuck was she supposed to do with that? Cry? Scream? Sue his sorry ass for slander?

(Not that one.)

She’d made a lot of mistakes in her life. He’d never been one of them, not until the end. Is it possible that didn’t need to be the end at all?

My 9 to 5 is cutting open old scars

Again and again til I’m stuck in your head

He’d probably had a lot of almosts. Maybe he’d just gotten better at faking genuine emotion in his songs. There’s no way he still thought about her. Even for lyrical dramatics.

I wish I’d known how much you loved me

I wish I’d cared enough to know

I’m sorry every song’s about you

The torture of small talk

With someone you used to love

Well there you had it. Small talk? They hadn’t talked in years. And she already knew every song was total bullshit, made up longing. Some of his best lovelorn pandering (that she admittedly loved) had been written when he claimed to be incapable of actual love. When he would only sleep with dark-haired, dark-eyed girls who didn’t want anything more than a good breakfast the next morning.

(I’m not looking for a soulmate, darling, just a beauty without a gag reflex, he’d repeated on many occasions. Sometimes literally to the women he was hitting on. And yes, they did usually blow him afterward and he would inexplicably tell her and she Did. Not. Care.)

(Until the day she realized she always had.)

A week after he’d moved to Los Angeles had been the 4th of July. It being summer and most of her friends working various jobs, she didn’t think there would be a huge party. James had insisted, though, that they needed to celebrate the fact that their friends were getting famous. David had pointed out the irony that the band – Killian, Will, Robin, and Graham – were all from outside of the USA. And yet they were being celebrated on America’s birthday.

“Stealing things from others is the American way. Now drink, little brother!” James had shouted just before his frat brothers lifted him into keg stand position and he chugged.

Emma wasn’t one for keg stands, so she’d opted for drinking straight liquor instead, and from what she could extrapolate from the massive headache the next morning (in addition to the vomit in her bedside garbage can), she had likely drank that bottle in its entirety.

After the opening of Pandora’s box that fateful Friday the 13th, Emma couldn’t think of much else but her almost-maybe-something Killian Jones. Suddenly his stupid band was everywhere and that stupid song was everywhere and she was feeling a deep longing to connect with that girl who had two whole albums by two different bands written about her to see how the fuck she coped with old wounds being opened every fucking visit to the grocery store.

(Then again, Brand New and Taking Back Sunday weren’t quite so mainstream. Maybe that’s how she survived.)

(Is that what you call a getaway? Tell me what you got away with, cause I’ve seen more spine in jellyfish; I’ve seen more guts in 11 year old kids.)

She’d taken to keeping the radio off at all times, and humming the Star Spangled Banner when she couldn’t escape Killian’s stupidly attractive and all-too-familiar voice gracing the airwaves.

Ruby asked her out for drinks, and alcohol was exactly the cure for her current tumult, so she agreed on the very specific request that they hit the country bar downtown instead of their usual Rabbit Hole escapades. Which worked out great for avoiding song-specific reminders, but sadly didn’t keep all Killian talk at bay.

“By the way, how have you been holding up?” Ruby asked, probably in response to Emma’s downing two shots – one of which that had been intended for Ruby – in the first minute or so at the table.

“What do you mean, holding up?” She wasn’t that transparent, right?

“Well the song… the one Killian wrote about you. It’s, like… huge. Weird how he waited this long. Did he warn you first or anything?”

… what? It wasn’t about her. Sure, it kind of, a little bit, had some moments that seemed like they could be inspired by her. But it had been nine fucking years and she hadn’t seen him since the morning she slinked away from their house and it’s not like he’d ever reached out or anything (or at least he didn’t try very hard, because blocking a cell phone number wasn’t like blocking a whole-ass person),  hence her nine years of denial and shoving down her feelings like the very opposite of the emo kid she once was.

She probably looked like that stupid meme of the lady thinking about math and her heart was beating nearly out of her chest, but somehow the only sound that made it out of her mouth was, “huh?”

Ruby, bless her heart, was much better at dealing with, you know, life than Emma was. And sorting through feelings and coping with unprecedented situations that Emma had so far only seen odd iterations of in Hallmark movies or … emo music videos, probably.

“The song. Fourth of July. It’s been a while since he wrote a song about you and I mean usually they were about pining for you, which is a little more tolerable, probably. But this one… I don’t know. I just figured you probably didn’t appreciate it, and that’s why you were drinking my shots.”

Another lame, dumbfounded response: “What? Killian’s never written a song about me.”

Ruby’s eyebrow shot up to her hairline (the way Killian’s always had when she said something silly). “So all that shit in college was…?”

“Made up! Ruby, he was a creative writing major. He just made up characters and then wrote songs as if he were them. He never actually wanted to date anyone. Just fuck anything that resembled Megan Fox.”

Ruby didn’t say a word. She stood, walked to the bar, ordered two drinks, and sat back down with Emma a few minutes later.

“Sweetheart. You sure are dumb for a smart girl.”

And that’s how Emma’s Enlightenment began.

As it turns out, Killian’s creative writing skills were great, but not quite as great as his love for his best friend.

Yep, love. Apparently he’d loved her.

There was a reason he’d really only fucked girls that looked nothing like Emma.

There was a reason he had valued her input so much in his music.

There was a reason he’d hung out with her so often and it had nothing to do with Mary Margaret and David’s grossness.

Keep quiet; nothing comes as easy as you. Can I lay in your bed all day?

Fuck.

“Why didn’t he tell me?!”

Ruby laughed at her, which was totally uncalled for, but also kind of made a lot of sense if she had the ability to think of any of this objectively.

“Oh, honey. He told you every goddamn day in those songs. And how he acted. You’d have to be blind to not realize how much that boy loved you. So he assumed it was a ‘no’ from your side. And then after you slept with him and then he poured his heart out to you and still nothing? That was kinda it for him. But I mean, it’s been so long. I can’t believe he released a song about that now.”

At that, Emma’s jaw dropped. Hard. There was an audible pop and damnit, she was going to have to ice that later, probably.

“How do you know I slept with him?!”

“… because you had a fight about it literally in front of every person you knew?”

HUH?

The buzz of the alcohol was nothing compared to the stinging behind her eyes and the pain in her gut and seriously had the past decade actually been a very different reality from what she’d been living?

And how had Mary Margaret, AKA the Secret Spiller, never told her that A) Killian loved her or B) that Emma had apparently had a blacked-out fight with him in front of everyone?

Emma’s Enlightment continued.

Apparently no one spilled the secret because no one knew it was a secret to start. Much like Killian had, everyone thought that Emma knew his feelings, but that she just wanted to be friends.

And after the blow up on the Fourth of July, they just assumed she didn’t want to talk about it.

While David and James and a bunch of their friends were playing beer pong and Mary Margaret and Regina were trying to find another pair to play cornhole, Emma had been nursing a bottle of Jack Daniels from the roof of the frat house. She’d crawled out of Jefferson’s window, much to his annoyance (he worked in the morning and needed to sleep), and she just watched. Everyone was having a good time. The best days of their lives were now or even tomorrow.

But hers were yesterday.

So she drank and she drank and she drank until the boys were lighting off fireworks and Belle had started a chant of USA! USA! And out of nowhere she saw the floppy brown hair and scuffed-up leather jacket she’d been wishing for every minute of the last week.

“Swan! I need to speak with you!” he’d called up at her, perched on the Lion statue at the front entrance.

But, of course, he’d been pulled in a thousand different directions as soon as everyone else saw their about-to-be-famous friend. So Emma drank and drank and drank some more, not prepared to actually have to say goodbye this time.

Ruby wasn’t sure how long it took until Killian made it onto the roof with her. She did know they’d only been talking a few minutes when Emma started screaming at the top of her lungs about thanks for the memories, even though they weren’t so great. That seemed to have really upset him, because then he started screaming about why the bloody hell did you sleep with me then and Emma had cried but ultimately said she didn’t mean to and he needed to just leave because that’s what he was going to do anyway and there was no reason to feel sorry for her.

There had been more screaming that wasn’t quite intelligible (thank goodness), but when all was said and done, Killian had told Ruby that he laid it all down on the line, how much he loved her, how he wanted her to go with him to LA, how he really would burn down the whole city just to show her the light, but she’d said no. Emphatically.

Before crying so hard in Jefferson’s closet that he threatened to take her to the ER.  When Emma passed out, Killian had carried her to his car (the only sober one) and carried her into her room when they got to his now-former house, leaving her with a kiss on the cheek and his later assurance to Ruby that at least he had tried.

And Emma didn’t remember.

“I think I’m going to be sick,” Emma muttered to Ruby.

Was there anything worse than finding out something that could have changed your life nine fucking years too late? She had never loved anyone like she’d loved Killian. It had been the easiest relationship of her existence. She’d never felt more safe, more valued, more… loved. But she’d thought it was friend-love.

(Even after the amazing sex.)

What a fucking dumbass she was.

Ruby left her to gather her thoughts/sulk in the corner for at least three line dances before she came back over to their table, bringing Emma a nice tall water as she cleared the un-drunk Long Island Iced Tea from next to Emma’s slumped head.

“I don’t think I can ever un-fuck this up,” Emma whined into her elbow before sitting up to chug the glass of water.

“I do have his number,” Ruby offered.

Hey um Ruby gave me your number and apparently I have a lot to apologize for

Congratulations on the fame also by the way I loved you every minute of every day

This is Emma, remember me? Apparently your song about me is doing really well

Hey Killian, I was wondering if you ever made it to this side of the country any more

I don’t know what to say except I’m sorry

After about 15 failed attempts to send him a message that would convey the depth of her regret, she nearly gave up. Hands shaking, legs bouncing, lunch threatening to make an encore appearance, she pulled up the lyrics to his new song, took a screenshot,

And all my thoughts of you

They could heat or cool the room

And now don’t tell me you’re fine

Oh, honey, you don’t have to lie

And added:

I’m not fine.

It was a very painful 26 hours before she received a response, a screenshot with an addition as well.

I said I’d never miss you, but I guess you’ll never know

Where the bridges I have burned never really led home

Can I come home?

They met outside the old frat house (now shut down) a week later, staying awake until sunrise just catching up on all that had happened since they last saw each other (and a little bit of what happened when they did). She brought sparklers and he brought nine years of unreleased song lyrics.

And when his band’s next single was called Opening Pandora’s Box on Friday the Thirteenth, well, everyone but Emma just thought they were being their usual melodramatic selves.

Yeah, songs about her weren’t all that awful after all.

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 243: Happy New Year

Previously on BnHA: The government was all “shit what are we going to do about Shigaraki Tomura and his Actual Fucking Army of villains, oh I know, why don’t we draft some child soldiers” and so they brought back internships and made them mandatory. Class 1-A had the Christmas party to end all Christmas parties, featuring 20 unique custom-tailored Santa costumes, enough chicken to feed Tomura’s entire Actual Fucking Army, and one (1) giant sword that somehow made its way into the hands of Eri, First of Her Name. Tidings of comfort and joy were had by all, and to cap things off, Shouto invited Bakugou (who by the way was having a lot of thoughts about how Best Jeanist asked him to reveal his new hero name the next time they met, because Horikoshi knows what kind of angst I like) and Deku to come intern with him at the motherfucking Endeavor Hero Agency and make everyone’s OT3 dreams come true.

Today on BnHA: Deku visits his mom on New Year’s Eve and the two of them ball out at the Make Me Cry Olympics. There is a whole plotline all about Hawks getting coffee, and I’m trying to figure out if it’s really just coffee or if THE ENTIRE SERIES SECRETLY HINGES ON THIS ONE SCENE omg. The next day at the Endeavor Hero Agency, Endeavor is all, “welcome! fuck you,” which may or may not be setting the tone for this whole arc. There’s a brief flashback to All Might congratulating his sons on their internship and saying foreshadowing things like “your new quirks probably won’t go fucking apeshit again” and “you’re a lot like Endeavor, this internship will be good for you!” Back in the present, Endeavor dramatically leaps over a railing and blasts off to go fight Monk Gyatso with the disaster trio hot on his heels. Hawks then shows up out of nowhere and the text is literally all, “WHAT’S HAWKS DOING HERE?” and seriously though. What are any of us even doing here. This arc has only just started and I already have no idea what’s going on and I fucking love it.

(All comments are my unspoiled reactions from my initial readthrough of the chapter. I did a quick edit for grammar and clarity immediately afterward, and added a few ETAs in the process, but aside from that there are no changes.)

loooool

is she going to be all right

-- also! WE’RE GOING TO SEE THE PARENTS AGAIN HOMG YES. HORIKOSHI YOU’RE ON FIRE WEEK AFTER WEEK YOU MAD DOG

(ETA: literally the only way he could end his streak was by going on fucking hiatus. son of a.)

oh shit I forgot that they had the cover and a color page this week! this is great

by the light (ba da dum ba da dum) of the silvery moon (ba da dum ba da dum) I want to spoon -- holy shit, what. do you ever look up the lyrics to a song you vaguely remember from your childhood twenty-five years later in order to make a bizarre joke in a manga recap and you’re like “!!?!?” lol what the fuck. this shit is from 1909. old timey pervs

anyways this may be my favorite Jump cover ever. colors are amazing, art is super cute, it’s the whole package. Aoyama and Iida are killing me. I need that Iida ball in real life, I would seriously pay real money

and now the color spread!

where can I buy that U.A. hoodie. I’m not kidding, I need it in my life. the U.A. logo is great because it doesn’t scream “LOOK AT ME I’M AN ANIME FAN” unless the other person also watches said anime, in which case that’s awesome because the two of you can become best friends and bond over how you’re both nerds with impeccable taste

Kacchan out here holding a fucking root beer like we don’t all know the truth. yeah tough guy you go to bed at eight-thirty and you’re third in your class at the top high school in Japan. but you keep on trying to preserve that image. also this kid is singlehandedly making wifebeaters high fashion I swear to god. it’s a talent

Kirishima looks so good in v-neck shirts yes you go Kiri!

Mina is here!! Mina is part of the main character squad now, everyone! that’s right!! Iida Tenya was booted out after he refused to partake in this photo shoot due to moral outrage over the fact that they’re shooting this at what appears to be a crime scene. a vacuum cleaner was murdered in cold blood omg

Ochako not smiling is such an unusual look for her (and Mina and Kirishima too for that matter) but holy shit. I like it

TODOROKI I’M TRYING TO REACH THROUGH THE COMPUTER SCREEN AND UNBUTTON YOUR TOP BUTTON. HOLY SHIT HOW CAN YOU EVEN BREATHE. RELAX

so the new character book is out October 4, eh? I think we knew this already, but maybe this time the date will actually stick in my mind. anyways, so doing the math, that leaves Kacchan three more chapters (including this one) to reveal his hero name. boy you have a deadline get to work!

YESSSSSSSSSSS

MY NEW YEAR’S ARC MAY NOT BE HAPPENING, BUT AT LEAST WE STILL GET TO SEE THEM RING IN 2217 HOORAY

damn that’s a lot of narration in the first panel

“while accompanied by guards” oh shit. and yet, I get it. I like how they refer to it as “the chain of events that led us to move into the dorms” rather than “that time Bakugou got fucking kidnapped.” they are not letting that happen again. good

IZUMAMA YESSSS

at least he’s being open with her about it! come on Inko, push through this. he’s already got 240 other things he’s still not telling you, don’t give him any more reason to keep being secretive

oh my god now Deku is like “anyways do you remember Eri?” and he’s reaching into his pocket now, holy shit?? WHATEVER HE’S PULLING OUT IS GOING TO BE SO FUCKING CUTE, ISN’T IT

oH MY GOD!!!!!

THIS SON OF A BITCH IS JUST GONNA KEEP ON AMASSING A COLLECTION OF ADORABLE AND HILARIOUS LITTLE KID LETTERS, ISN’T HE. LISTEN HERE DEKU YOU MOTHERFUCKER!! THAT PIC OF “MISTER DEKU” IS -- I’M -- !!!!

“I was hardly able to do anything for her” ?? you SAVED HER LIFE?? you BODYSLAMMED OVERHAUL INTO THE GROUND?? YOU GOT US ALL OUT OF THAT ACCURSED BASEMENT? listen here you modest little shit you need to stop doing this. you even taught her the true meaning of quirks for crying out loud. you are the actual best

god the way he is staring at this letter is giving me too many feels for a Thursday afternoon. these are like Saturday night feels. this manga never goes easy on me

same Inko same

oh my god now Inko is launching into a speech about Deku’s sad childhood I can’t with this, MA’AM PLEASE

“covered in bruises” oh my problematic ship. oh this nuanced manga with its intricate layers of feels. this is the lasagna of mangas

hello page 3 is just one big assault on all my emotions and I would like to report this to someone help I am being besieged

oh my fucking god Midoriya family. I’m trying to process all of this and just!!

like. she’s known all this time how big his heart is and that he doesn’t care about himself and just wants to protect others. but for the longest time he was powerless to do it. but still he kept dreaming and she kept looking on waiting for that day he’d finally give up, ready for his heart to break, bracing herself. and then this miracle happened and he got a quirk and all his hopes came true and he got to go to his dream school, and now he’s training to become a hero just like he always wanted

and everything special she always saw about her boy is shining so brightly now, and everyone can see it, and he’s become so strong. but also he’s growing up so fast. he’s gone from being someone she had to protect to someone who’s strong enough to protect not only her, but everyone. strong enough to carry the world on his shoulders

just. can you even imagine. how much pride she must feel, in addition to the relief she’s expressing now. but also the loneliness of knowing she can’t hold on to her baby boy forever and he’s on the verge of going out into the world and leaving her. in fact he basically already has. anyways I came here today for some Three Musketeers antics and now I’m sitting her with Izumama empty nest feels, what is this

-- yo, what?? he’s starting the internship on New Year’s Fucking Day? U.A. doesn’t fuck around, goddamn

(ETA: seriously, no rest for the weary here. both Endeavor and Hawks are as busy as ever too. poor Hawks, who never wanted to be a hero to begin with, spent New Year’s Eve undercover trying to drown his sorrows in sugary coffee. of course, Jeanist is spending his New Year’s either in hiding or dead, so.)

anyways so he’s bidding his mom goodbye and getting onto a bus, and he’s all bundled up in a scarf but can’t be assed to wear a jacket, apparently. whatever Deku

AHHHH WHAT IS THIS NOW

AND OH MY GOD LOOK WHERE HE IS

THE LEAGUE OF PLIFF’S HEADQUARTERS AT THE OL’ OVERLOOK HOTEL. watch out for the elevators. Toga probably really likes them though

“where did you run off to number 2” um, he’s still a top ranked pro hero? what, do they just expect him to never do his job ever again? even if they think he’s on their side, they must realize that he needs to maintain his so-called cover

anyways, fucking Slidin’ Go is back, guys. when is someone going to punch this slippery bitch in the face

wow he’s seriously chewing Hawks out for flying off without permission. can someone please just deck this mouthbreather already

oh my god

this motherfucker really truly believes he is Hawks’s senpai. imagine having the same power as a fucking banana peel, and being so deluded you actually think you outrank a double agent of indispensable value, who also just so happens to be Dabi’s best friend, and oh yes, THE NUMBER TWO FUCKING HERO. I don’t even know where to begin with you, Slidin’ Go

oh snap but he’s immediately being called out on his BS lol this is great

twenty microdevices?? holy shit. that’s gonna make it really difficult for him to actually report back to the heroes

maybe if the PSC gives him twenty of their own little spy cams. then the only challenge is for him to try and remember which are which

lmao look at this little metaphorical drawing

isn’t this the Hyrule Castle level from Breath of the Wild

anyways don’t mind me, I’m just sitting here trying to figure out if there’s a double meaning to these two panels

is Skeptic just really bad at making small talk, or is there something here that I’m totally missing?? did he witness something during Hawks’s coffee run?

(ETA: this seriously reads to me as some kind of coded threat, but it makes no sense given the rest of the conversation. he goes on and on about how useful Hawks will be in helping them spy on the heroes, but then calls attention to him sneaking out to buy a single can of coffee. in conclusion I am probably overthinking this way too much, but it’s odd. maybe he really is just trying to be nice and coming off as weird and creepy.)

now we’re flashing back to Hawks’s last report to the PSC

if this is after he met up with Dabi then why does he still have the bag? WHEN WILL THIS STOP HAUNTING ME. I’M SO TIRED OF WAKING UP AT NIGHT IN A COLD SWEAT ONLY TO SEE HAWK’S BACKPACK STANDING THERE RIGHT NEXT TO MY BED, WATCHING

-- SDLKGHSLDKHFL

lmao this scared the shit out of me. Enji what the fuck

yesssss it’s mah boisssss

wow, he’s pretty weirdly enthused about the whole thing, huh? I expected him to bitch about it more. since Shouto basically offered his friends the gig all on his own without any consultation whatsoever. that’s called nepotism Shouto but it’s okay I forgive you

anyways. so are the Endeavor offices located in THE FUTURE. or what. is this Epcot

DKFJWELKFJL

LOL THAT’S MORE LIKE IT. FOR A MOMENT I THOUGHT WE HAD SLIPPED INTO SOME WEIRD ALTERNATE UNIVERSE

hahaha exactly

well I’m glad I’m not going crazy, at any rate. anyways though, Endeavor trying his best to be a good dad and caving in to his son’s ridiculous demands because he’s trying to make up for TWO DECADES OF BEING COMPLETE GARBAGE is pleasing to me as always. deal with it Endeav

HE SAID DEAL WITH IT!!

oh my god Katsuki is saying something holy shit, the next few panels will set the stage for what could be the sleeper hit character dynamic of the year. ghghkghhhhhh

( ⁰ o ⁰ )

oh my god

(ETA: Katsuki I have written whole essays about how perceptive you are and then you just. sob. now that he’s finally starting to ease up on the whole Angry Asshole thing, his inner dumbass is really shining through.)

YES HE IS AND THERE’S NOTHING YOU CAN DO, YOUR BOURGEOIS SON HAS FALLEN IN WITH THIS CHURLISH ROUGHNECK FROM THE HOOD, DIE MAD ABOUT IT!!

lmaooo

that mental image omfg. HE WILL PUT UP WITH THIS SUFFERING IN ORDER TO GET CLOSER TO HIS GOAL. what a sacrifice. the pros outweighed the cons. it’s logic. I can’t, I

and Endeavor being so fucking mad that Shouto picked this asshole to be his new best friend sob. YOU CAN’T STOP THEIR BROMANCE IT IS UNFOLDING BEFORE YOUR VERY EYES

anyways I love everything and I’m all set for the mentoring to begin. bring it onnnn

so now Deku is being surprisingly earnest and thanking Endeavor for accepting them into his agency

and we’re getting our first glimpse of Deku’s Upgraded Feelings About Endeavor oooooh juicy

Deku is so good at seeing into people’s hearts. and so forgiving. we already knew he was -- the inciting event that led to the whole fucking series wouldn’t have even happened if he wasn’t -- but I’m honestly still so impressed every time I see it

(ETA: and also, this means that he still went and told him off during the sports festival even though he was scared of him. kid is the fucking role model to end all role models.)

also I’m already sensing that this chapter (and indeed, this entire arc) is going to prompt more Discourse up in the ol’ fandom. that’s going to be fun. anyways, I’ve already essayed more than once regarding Endeavor’s redemption arc, so I’m not going to spend too much time hashing out the same old points. but basically my stance is I’m fine with it. I think it’s good to show that people can change no matter how far they’ve gone down the wrong path. it may not be easy, but if they’re genuinely remorseful, and if the desire is there, then why not? I’m not gonna get up in arms because someone is trying to become a better person. the alternative is that they stay terrible, and that doesn’t help anyone

anyway, so now we’re flashing back to what appears to be a conversation with All Might, and oh my god

but you guys. listen. Katsuki is there, again. they’re not even discussing OFA this time and he’s still there! elbowed his way into this mentorship like the determined little shit he is, and now he’s not leaving and you all just have to deal with it. oh my god it’s everything I ever wanted, someone please pinch me is this real??

lol and now they are discussing OFA, but that’s okay. it’s only natural that would also be on the agenda

really, All Might?

you consider that “just fine”? that bloop? just as planned?? I know you love your son, but maybe consider raising the bar for him just a little bit. he is capable of so much more, and now of all times is not the time to go easy on him

and he’s still talking about the SIXQUIRKS as though unlocking more of them right now would be a bad thing. I really think this is the wrong approach. maybe I just want to see Deku go buck wild and fucking lose it though, idk

Katsuki has no patience for this either

“I don’t doubt it.” please Deku we’re not worthy of you and your wholesomeness. and he’s so sincere, too?? how does Kacchan continuously absorb all of this shameless admiration and affection day after day, week after week. how is he not humbled by it

anyways time to shut up about that though because All Might is now mentoring Bakugou directly and this requires my full fucking attention

yessss let the character development commence! I’m so excited ddhkshl

and now we’re back in the present and the conversation is taking a very interesting turn!

YES! HE DID! DO YOU REMEMBER? YOU WEREN’T REALLY PAYING ATTENTION BEFORE BECAUSE YOU WERE STILL IN ASSHOLE MODE. what do you have to say about it now?

...

mysterious

what

(ETA: “is he always like this?”)

lol what

hahaha. this arc is off to a fucking hysterical start

oh snap y’all look at this

100% chance Deku is right fucking behind him lol. probably they all are

YEP

BITCH, WHO THE FUCK DID YOU THINK YOU WERE DEALING WITH. YOU THOUGHT THESE WERE JUST ANY OLD INTERNS?? FUCK YOU, THESE ARE PREMIUM, CLUB-LEVEL, OCEAN VIEW INTERNS, YOU UNAPPRECIATIVE LOUT. YOU INGRATE

lol but he’s not missing a beat though, and he’s ordering them to stay behind and watch him oh shit. what is even going on

now we’re cutting to some fucking yogi bobbing around town in a lotus position screaming about a divine revelation he received from fucking space. okay

AHHH WHAT

HAWKS IS ALREADY GETTING IN ON THE ACTION, JESUS CHRIST. DOES THIS FUCKER EVER PUT ON THE BRAKES?? THIS ARC IS LIKE TWELVE DIFFERENT PLOTLINES INTERSECTING ALL AT ONCE AND I CAN BARELY KEEP UP. THIS SHIT IS A TRAINWRECK WAITING TO HAPPEN AND I’M STANDING HERE MESMERIZED

BUT!!!

cue Celine Dion’s “All by Myself” while I fall down dramatically nooooo. the lord giveth and he taketh away. YOU OPENED A DOOR AND CLOSED THE WINDOW YOU BASTARD sob why

well shit. and that means that Katsuki has only one chapter left to reveal his hero name, too. (ETA: keeping track of the important things here lol.) and somehow I don’t see that happening unless the focus of the next chapter takes a very dramatic shift, since we seem to be launching into full plot mode before any of us even have our seatbelts on. not that I’m complaining about that because sdkljk

anyways. see y’all in two weeks I guess. the My Plots Academia arc sure is off to a crazy fucking start

[the-yerkes-dodson-curve]

SO LET’S TALK ABOUT THE NEW SANDERS SIDES VIDEO

This is gonna be a long post. I have a lot of thoughts about this episode. There is going to be some serious talk about my own personal experiences with violent intrusive thoughts and also me just appreciating this amazing episode. 

I was one of the people that was convinced it was going to be about depression. I am so glad it wasn’t. A lot of people have talked about depression, but no one, at least as far as I know, have really touched upon intrusive thoughts. I had the exact same dilemma as Thomas last year where I thought I was going insane because I couldn’t control my own brain and I had a horrible mental breakdown and I was convinced I was a horrible person because of my intrusive thoughts. I cried and talked to people about it and through doing so it was made clear to me that these intrusive thoughts were just that, thoughts. Nothing more. They hold nothing over me. I still suffer from them, but now I know what they are.

I was also certain there wasn’t going to be another side introduced. It’s been a year since Deceit was introduced, we’ve only just gotten to know Deceit a little better, there won’t be another side. BOY WAS I WRONG

The episode starts with Thomas, Virgil and Patton trying not to think about the intrusive thoughts he was having that kept him awake. I have intrusive thoughts like that all the time. I vividly imagine my family members dying, or even myself dying. I vividly imagine someone breaking into the house and killing me. My brain does what Virgil and Patton do, freak out and try to think about something else. This video has made me realise how much I repress thoughts like that.

My anxiety also makes me have intrusive thoughts. Whenever I have an anxiety attack I vividly imagine myself killing myself in gory detail because I’ve gotten into this cycle of hating myself whenever I have an attack. I get scared, what if I lose control one day and these thoughts become reality?

I love how the audio became muffled and the intrusive thought creeped in. I like to think of the mind like a radio, tuning in and out of different frequencies, and sometimes, or most of the time like for me, you can’t control the frequencies it jumps to. And suddenly you’re imagining your loved one being killed or dying.

I SCREAMED BLOODY MURDER WHEN THOSE HANDS CREEPED OUT

I WAS NOT EXPECTING A NEW SIDE AT ALL

I WAS SO TERRIFIED

HOLY SHIT THAT CHARACTER DESIGN I AM IN LOVE STRAIGHT AWAY 

BUT AAAAAAAA WHAT ARE YOU DOING WHAT THE HELL

When he smacked Roman in the head and knocked him out I was so shook, this Sanders Sides has stepped into totally new territory

LOOK AT HIM OMG HE HAS A MOUSTACHE I WASN’T EXPECTING A NEW SIDE TO HAVE FACIAL HAIR HOLY SHIT 

THE DUKE

HIS VOICE

HE HAS A DIFFERENT VOICE

THERE IS NO ENDING TO THOMAS’ TALENT

The way the song starts is eVeRyThInG

THESE EFFECTS I CAN’T DEAL AAAAAAAAA

I FUCKING SCREAMED

HIS SIX ARMS I LOVE IT REMUS’ SASSY STANCE I AM LIVING FOR IT

If you shared those musings with your friends, I doubt they would forgive you.

Gosh. I relate to this too much. I was so scared that I would somehow reveal these bad thoughts to people and they would hate me and everyone would hate me and think I was an awful person.

Even though everybody sins, everybody dies.

FAVOURITE PART OF THE SONG HANDS DOWN THOMAS’ VOICE IS AMAZING AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Why deny yourself knowledge, say, knowledge of yourself!

These lyrics are amazing. They encapsulating what I was thinking when I had really bad intrusive thoughts. I still have them, but when I first started noticing I had them I spiralled so far down. “What if this is who I am...what if I’m not the nice person I think I am?”

hELP I LOVE HIM BUT I HATE HIM BUT I LOVE HIM

I always love the villain. I hate everything they’ve done and don’t condone any of it, but I absolutely love them, especially if they are as fabulous as the Duke Remus.

These sorts of things are only thought in the mind of a man whose soul is truly rotten.

Oof. I relate to that thought process.

So let all your hopes of heaven be forgotten, ‘cause your head’s not in the gutter, pal, it’s in hell!

I wasn’t expecting religious imagery. I really love that. I don’t relate to the religious ideas brought up in this episode as I am not religious, but I do love the fact that he talked about them. Also, when Deceit said, “Wow, Thomas, it seems that your moral compass is pointed south, towards hell!” that was definitely foreshadowing for Thomas to spiral into this. That’s why Patton reacted so viscerally to that comment.

Remus: Juicy butthole!

Me:

Me:

Me: what...what is happening in this Sanders Sides

THIS FACE I LOVE IT

THE JAZZ HANDS AND THE HIGH VOICE AAAAAA WHY DO I LOVE HIM AND HATE HIM

Patton did a real good job!

Oh my goodness, this precious boi.

How about...DEMENTED?

I  C H O K E D

What is my deal? Um, bitch? What is YOUR deal?

My exact thought process. “Am I actually a horrible person because I’m having such awful thoughts like this, there’s definitely something wrong with me...but I can’t stop it...”

Oh no....oh no!

My heart broke at the horror and sadness that washes over Thomas’ and Patton’s face.

another good remus screenshot

Oh my goodness, the way he tortures Logan throughout the episode was awful for me to watch cause MY BABY LOGAN, but I love how Logan doesn’t react. I love Logan’s determination.

You bastard.

IT WAS A LONG TIME COMING HELL YES VIRGIL

I’d love to see the bloopers for this bit, oh my gosh.

Ooh! How fun! You know who could help us with that?

AWW MAN YOU GOT MY HOPES UP XDD

That’s what repression is!?

I love Patton’s reaction, cause I had the same reaction. Repression is so easy to do cause you often don’t know you are doing it.

This is not about me wanting to be listened to. You all are not listening to Thomas.

THIS CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT OH MY GOSH

Virgil: But what if he’s lying?

Logan: I can assure you, he’s not. You’re just para- expressing an unhealthy amount of concern. Thank you for being on guard. But for now, you must listen.

I love this part so much. It calls back to when Roman almost called Virgil paranoid, but then switched it to vigilant. Logan realised he was getting too worked up and angry and so stopped himself. This is great development from when he lashed out at Roman in Learning New Things About Ourselves. Calling Virgil “paranoid” is destructive and will make Virgil not feel listened to. He is aware of that. He is making sure Virgil still feels like he’s a valued part of Thomas’ mind.

another good remus screenshot

THAT IS WHY I SAY IT!

GOSH I LOVE LOGAN SO MUCH YES LOGAN GO OFF

I love being given two d’s at once!

Me:

Me:

Me: ...again what is happening

When Logan revealed that the problem was within Patton and Virgil, my heart dropped. I wasn’t expecting that.

Record scratch!?

I LOVE HIM AAAAA

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN AM I COOL DOES THIS MAKE ME COOL

OMG PRECIOUS BOI AAAA

I WAS SO SHOOK WHEN HE SAID HIS NAME JUST LIKE THAT

ALSO THAT SLY DIG AT VIRGIL AAAAA

oof. this sad boi. :”(

Oh shut up, Nerdy Wolverine!

OMG I JUST REALISED THIS IS WHAT ROMAN SAYS AT THE END AAAAA

I  S C R E A M E D

we just witnessed a side die guys

the angst fanfiction is coming to life

The Duke only has power over you because Virgil and Patton believe that he does.

Hit me hard. I’ve never related more to a Sanders Sides episode.

This. THIS. So poignant and brilliant! This is how it feels!

good logan screenshot

Virgil was right. Not all thoughts are meaningful.

This idea is what helped me better deal with intrusive thoughts. Your brain just fires random thoughts at you, they don’t necessarily mean anything.

I mean, look at him now! He barely got any rest due in large part to you two chastising him all night!

I love how Logan tells them off. UGH I LOVE HIM

And that is why the Duke feels like such a threat, in part, at least. The feeling that you may be a bad person who doesn’t have control over yourself or your destiny, causes you to fear that you may actually act on these thoughts.

Gosh this episode is hitting me hard. 

It’s okay.

Everything is okay.

Logan’s soft voice as he said that made me emotional. His whole speech here is so lovely and helpful. It is okay to have these thoughts cross your mind. You are not a horrible person.

His talk about going to therapy is amazing too. It’s so inspiring. It has encouraged me to want to go back to the therapy because of my recent increase in violent intrusive thoughts.

Oh my goodness, Patton’s realisation and development. This is lovely. 

You tickle me, emo!

...was that a tickle me elmo reference

Good seeing you again, Virgil! It was just like old times!

Me:

Me:

Me: wAIT A MINUTE--

Oh shut up, Nerdy Wolverine! NO! Ugh...I mean...I’m sorry, Logan. I didn’t mean that.

THERE’S SO MUCH CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT IN THIS EPISODE I CAN’T DEAL

Thomas: You’re really...cool.

Logan: ...heh.

Me: ACTUALLY SOBBING

THESE TWIN BROTHERS OH MY GOODNESS YES

It shows you...everything you don’t want to be.

There are some really hard hitting lines in this episode.

I’m a little disappointed in myself.

The others. I thought I knew how to handle them.

Yeah, but, I should know better.

Because I was one of them.

Virgil being insecure about his power and how much he can protect Thomas almost makes me cry. That last line...oh my goodness. Thomas and his team really know how to write a narrative. It seems that we’re gonna get some lore and backstory at some point after all.

Thomas and his team have done such a good job with this episode. It is my favourite Sanders Sides by far because of the fact that this topic has not really been talked about much, and they talked about it and showed what it’s like so brilliantly. I respect Thomas so much for pushing the boundaries of his channel to talk about this. Thank you, Thomas. I and and so many people needed this.

I realise that I need to go back to therapy. Thank you, Logan for encouraging me.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #272

“i don’t care what you have to say - it makes no difference / it’s all because of you, we’re fuckin’ infamous.”

How many children are in your family? I have a big extended family, so uh... and what is the age cutoff for "children?" My simplest answer is three, that being my older sister's kids, but I do have a half-sister with some young-ish children, but I know none of them. Oh, and my other half-sister has kids too, but again, they're not that young, and the youngest son I've never met. What is something you and your parents used to argue over often? Money. What was your first word? "Dada." A fast food restaurant that you hate with a passion? Arby's is fucking disgusting. Give me a song that is underestimated/not well known. Probably like half of Otep's songs. "Lords of War" comes to mind first. Which one of your friends knows everything about you? Sara knows the most. Who is your favorite teacher that you have this year? N/A Have you ever solved a Rubik’s Cube? No, I don't have that kind of patience. Like I've fiddled with 'em before if they're right at my disposal and I'm just sitting and waiting or something, but I've never gotten far. Who do you think is the easiest to talk to? It depends on what I'm talking about, but probably Sara. Or Mom, idk. Do you have a favorite metal band or do you not like metal? Ozzy, of course. Metal is my favorite genre. Are you talking to anyone right now? No. What’s your favorite kind of science? Genetics. Do you walk home or take a bus? From school? Well I'm not in school anymore, but for almost the entire time I was, my mom drove me and picked me up. I only took a bus for some of Jason's junior and all of his senior year to his house afterwards. Who did you last go to the movies with? My dad, I think. If you could see anyone (dead or alive) in concert, who would you pick? I'd probably choose Metallica so long as my mom could come. She laughed/cried hysterically when she found out they were finally coming here I think two years ago, but we couldn't go. She fucking adores Metallica, maybe more than I do Ozzy. She's always said that she only needs three things in life: God, her babies, and Metallica. Who’s the cutest person you know? Define "cute." The cutest fucking thing I have EVER seen was Sara when we went to a reptile expo together; she was a kid in Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory. I could not stop smiling at her, jc. "Cute" as in who I feel most fits the traditional definition, my old friend Alon. I think I'll always answer "Alon" to questions like this lmao. How about the funniest? GIRT. Oh my FUCKING god, Girt. I've had my biggest and most frequent laughs with that guy. Have you ever had acne? I sure did going through puberty. It wasn't the worst in the world, but I definitely had it. Where is your biggest scar located? I think the scar from my surgery, but I can't see it so I can't *really* tell? Look up what a pilonidal cyst is to figure out where that's at, oof. Where did your last hug take place? A hotel room. Recently, Mom, my sisters, and I saw my grandmother for probably the last time. She was with her husband and Mom's brother passing through. She's quit chemo for pancreatic cancer as now it's just become unbearable, and it's obvious she doesn't have much time left. It was... weird, seeing her in such a skin-and-bone, very frail state. We've had a rocky relationship, but I'm going to miss her regardless. What is your current desktop picture? My favorite picture of Teddy. Do you still think of that Gwen Stefani song when you spell "bananas?" HA HA yes! Do you like the way your hair naturally is, or do you change it? I love how healthy my hair is, but I'm definitely not a fan of how quickly it becomes oily. And I wish it knew how to hold some damn dye. Do you know anyone who died accidentally by doing something stupid? Not personally, but yes. How many different languages have you taken in school? First I took Latin, but I SUCKED at it, and then I took German for four semesters and loved it. If your cell phone broke, would your parents make you pay for a new one? No, considering I don't have a source of income. Are your parents still married? No. Are you in a monogamous relationship? Not currently, but I'd only go into one that's monogamous. Have you ever met your favorite band? No. Have you ever drawn on someone's face while they were sleeping? No, I'm not an asshole. Have you ever fallen down a hill? No, but I've certainly rolled down them as a kid. Would you scuba dive in shark-infested waters if you had the chance? I hate the term "shark-infested." It's where they live. But anyway, I don't think I'd swim with sharks, but maybe. What is your favorite slow song? BRO idk there's so many. Do you believe in karma? No. If there were aliens on earth, would you be afraid? It would depend on their demeanor. If your best friend died, would you be able to speak at their funeral? I'd sure as hell want to, but I'd have a hard time getting through it. Are your pets asleep? Roman is probably snoozing by the window in the living room, and Venus probably is, given she's nocturnal. Have you ever wished you were an only child? No. Have you ever hurt someone on purpose? As a kid I got in huge trouble for smacking my sister before. As an adult I haven't. What is your current favorite song? I'm pretty obsessed with NateWantsToBattle's cover of "Feel Good Inc." Is there something you do on a regular basis, that you don’t enjoy doing? Why? The person I copied this from answered "shower" and big same. Like of course I do it, but boy do I hate it. It's a chore to me and especially when I'm depressed, I'll put it off. Have you ever felt jealous of anyone else’s success? Yes. When it comes to success, I can be very envious. Never in a hateful way/wishing the person wasn't where they were at, but nevertheless, still envious. Who did you last speak to in person? Mom. Have you ever had a one-night stand? If you have, did you regret it afterwards? Never had one, don't plan to. Have you ever done something that you said you’d NEVER do? Yes. What was the last thing you asked for help with? Who did you go to for help? Uhhh... probably something from Mom, though I don't remember what. I've avoided that since she's recovering from surgery. Who was the last person to text you? Sara! If your significant other had several other sexual partners before you, how much would that bother you? Would you worry about being compared to the others? How many previous sexual partners do you think is acceptable? If they were serious relationships genuinely based on love, it wouldn't - to a degree. I have to be honest with myself and say like if my s/o had a large number of past sexual partners at our age, I'd be wary about their loyalty and dedication to one person. Idk what I'd consider "too many" exactly. For me, maybe like... six? Who was the last person of the opposite sex to send you a message on Facebook? What if you had a baby with that person? My friend Ian, and whoa buddy, we're just above acquaintances. How many people of your preferred sex have hurt you? Just one seriously. Have your friends ever talked to you about the forms of contraception they use? What form of contraception do you prefer? It's been casually mentioned, sure. I'm not sexually active so don't take any right now, but if I was, I'd be on birth control and demand condom usage because FUCK the chances of getting pregnant. If you told your parents that you were going to be a parent, how do you think they would react? I think they'd both be terrified for me. I have NO business raising a kid when I'm barely a proper adult. They'd also be confused as fuck about who the dad would be. You find out that the person you love/like is having a child with someone else. What do you say? If I found out somehow that Jason was going to be a dad, I can 100% GUARANTEE you I would faint, vomit, and have an emotional breakdown. Literally all three. I wouldn't be able to "say" anything. If I found out Sara was, I'd be pretty speechless and beyond terrified for her. When was the last time you said something and thought “Why the hell did I say that?” What exactly did you say, and who did you say it to? How did the person react? Hm. It's funny, I'm both very impulsive with what I can say if I'm upset or angry, but otherwise I seriously think twice about what's coming out of my mouth. I can't remember the last time the former happened. NO WAIT. So my chronic nightmares/terrors, right? A few days ago I woke up from one growling, "I'll break your fucking neck too, bitch," and it was to my very own mother, as she was choking me for some reason I don't remember. I was disgusted when I woke up. In these nightmares, I am SO much more aggressive than I actually am and it really scares me. It's gotten to the point that I'm genuinely scared of what I may be capable of. Who was the last person outside of family that told you they loved you? Sara. What song reminds you of your first boyfriend/girlfriend? My first real one, holy fucking shit, a lot. For where we currently stand, "Another Life" by Motionless In White haunts me. Not only is it his favorite band, but the lyrics just scream him and me. It's one of those that sometimes makes me tear up. I hate that I love that song. Outside of family, who were the last three girls you talked to? Sara, Summer, and Chelsea, I think. Outside of family, who were the last three guys you talked to? Uhhh Ian, my grandma's husband (he's not my actual grampa), and my sister's husband, probably, or nephew. Who is/was your strictest teacher in school? Mrs. P-something in 7th grade. I didn't not like her, she was just very strict. Have you ever felt so ill that you literally didn’t know what to do? Oh yeah, emotionally at least. At your part of the world, is it summer now? Yes, ew. What’s the warmest it can get over there? How about the coldest? Around 110*F; coldest, around... sub-20*F on rare days. Is there a bad habit you’re trying to break right now? I need to lay off the soda. Is it easy to find a job in your preferred field in your home town? FUCK no. Have you ever played the original Mass Effect trilogy? Nope. Have you ever made jewelry? The kiddy kinds with beads and stuff, yeah. Which app do you use the most on your phone? Umm Facebook or Dragons of Atlantis. Did you learn to play an instrument as a kid? If so, which one? In elementary school, we all learned the recorder. From middle school to my junior high school year, I played the flute. What is the best part of your most ordinary day? I don't even know anymore. If you learned that you suddenly needed an aid of some sort to do something that you normally don’t need (glasses, hearing aid, etc.) Would you comply or would you put it off until there was no choice anymore? It would definitely depend on the issue and its severity. What’s the strangest saying you’ve come across? Please tell me it's not just the South that says "it's colder than a witch's titty" lmao. Do you read any web comics? No. Which social media platform do you use the most, if any? Facebook. Which game did you play the most as a kid during recess? Does anyone remember "Four Square?" I don't even remember the rules, but my friends and I played it all the time. Are you one of those lucky people to own a walk-in closet? No, not that I need one honestly. Is there a random object you own that has a huge personal significance? I’ve told the story of my pebble from my partial hospitalization program many times. Besides that, something really random? Uhhh. There’s probably something, seeing as a lot of the things I keep mean something deep to me, but I don’t know about another truly strange one. Are you one of those people who chew two pieces of gum, not one? Usually. Do you have a wall calendar? In the kitchen. Have you ever been to Canada? No, but totally serious, I want to move there. I just realistically won’t because I don’t want to leave my family. Do you believe in superstitions? Nope. When was the last time you took a taxi somewhere? I’ve never been in a taxi. Would you ever join the army, airforce or navy? Hell no. How old is the person you last kissed? 22. What was the most embarrassing thing you've had to buy? Nothing. Have you ever mistaken a person's gender? Yes. What was the most expensive thing you've broken? I don’t know. Have you ever been in a car accident? Yes, but thankfully it wasn’t severe. Can you focus well in high-stress situations? FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK NO. Without the aid of mascara, do you have long eyelashes? Yes. I think I’ve shared before that in 9th grade, my teacher like deadass stopped her lecture just to point that out lmaoo. Is there anyone you dread going into public with? Not generally. It can sometimes happen with Dad just because he’s brutally honest and doesn’t have a filter, but it’s more like a discomfort than dread. Are you easily frightened? It depends on the situation. In most instances, yes. Do you have a favorite model? No. What's your current facebook display picture of? It’s just a headshot of me with my skull necklace and a tank top. Is there anyone whose hair you envy? Peoples’ whose actually hold color. >_> Have you ever dated someone who was extremely shy? No, I’m the shy one. Or have you dated someone who took things too fast? Yes. Do you or anyone you know have an account on Deviantart? I have one, and I know a few other people who do. Do you listen to Daughtry? Not really, except “No Surprise.” Do you get your eyebrows waxed? Not anymore. Is there a pet that you desperately want? A tarantula, preferably a Brazilian Black. I’ve gotten soooo into tarantulas, but it’s a “hell no” from Mom about having one in her house. Would you ever get your bellybutton pierced? No. My stomach isn’t “pretty” and I know it sure wouldn’t look flattering. Are you one of those people who are always pushing their limits? I wish I could say yes. Have you ever made a totally amazing snow fort? No. I didn’t have the patience for that as a kid. All we really made out of snow were snowmen and balls to throw. If you draw, what's one thing you always have trouble with? Proportions. Is there someone you know moving away any time soon? I don’t believe so. Is there a garbage can in the room you’re currently in? No. Have you ever been snorkeling? No. Who was the last person you apologized to? Mom, probably. Do you throw things when you’re frustrated? No. People who throw shit scare me. Do you prefer sharks or dolphins? Dolphins. Before meerkats, they were my favorite animal. What was the last piece of furniture you purchased? Purchased, I don’t know. A lot of what we have now is second-hand. Has anyone ever told you that you are too picky when it comes to the people you date? What about not picky enough? No one has said either. When was the last time you went to a bar? Never. What three things would you change about your life? Number one, be mentally stable. Two, my body. Three, be financially stable. Was there anything unusual or unique about your birth? There was an ice storm that Dad had to drive through lmao. What was the best conversation you’ve had recently? Man, idk. I don’t talk a lot to begin with. What is the next book you are going to read? Wings of Fire: The Dark Secret should come in the mail today!! :’) Describe the hardest decision you have ever made. I had to choose to either let Jason go or keep him in my heart until it killed me/I killed myself. I can almost 100% absolutely promise you if my life was continued how it was in 2016, I would NOOOOOOOT still be here. I think it’s pretty clear by now some scars are buried too deep to heal, seeing as he is literally faintly on my mind every day, but at least I know how to be happy without someone who didn’t believe in my strength. Why did you last see the doctor? I thought I broke my foot. Turns out I just tore a ligament, but badly. I think it’s been… one and half-two months and it’s only JUST starting to feel truly better. Day one, I couldn’t even walk. Days after, I had to have help. Then for weeks it was nothing but walking at a snail’s pace on the side of my foot. I’m so surprised it wasn’t broken. Post a recent picture of yourself. WOW what timing considering I took a picture yesterday, and I barely ever take any. I EVEN PUT MAKEUP ON!!!