#I just have a lot of feelings about specifically sensory needs being accepted and accommodated for

[pavel-chekov-appreciator]

I’m obsessed with spirk fan art where they have wedding rings and Spock wears his on a necklace chain. Because wearing it normally would probably be a weird sensory experience for him. And instead of him just Dealing With It, or them not adopting the tradition at all, it feels very right that they would just change it a little to accommodate for his needs.

I don’t think Spock is very used to people accommodating for or accepting his needs when they fall outside the norm, whether that’s Vulcan norm or Human norm. And so this little thing ends up feeling almost like a microcosm of their relationship in a way? Like, Jim is one of the few people who doesn’t seem to try and pressure him into choosing one culture over another like most people do, he understands that Spock is never going to be (and never should be!) completely Vulcan or completely Human. Neither of them wants to change a thing about each other. And that means a lot of things, and one of those things is a very human wedding ring worn on a necklace chain to accommodate Vulcan-sensitive fingers.

[cynical-crypt]

Autism ask meme

(originally by @autie-j​)

Here's an ask meme specifically for autistic people

How old were you when you found out you were autistic? 5

Do you have any other autistic people in your family? Or are you the only one? most people in my family are autistic or have some kind of other neurodivergence

Do you have any comorbidities? Or just autism? severe adhd and “very likely bpd,” as my psych put it

Are you LGBTQIA+? yup

What do you wish more people knew about autism? that it makes it hard to exist around people and also that it doesn’t automatically make you “dumb”

Have you ever been in a relationship? quite a few

Do you find it hard to make friends? yes, unless we have several things in common

If you have any, what are your special interests? fall out boy and anything i was really into when i was little

What was your first special interest? prob warrior cats or lps

What are your most common stims? rocking fwd/side, bobbing my head

If you could give any advice to your younger self, what would it be? keep being cringe its ok

Do you headcanon any characters as autistic? If you want, tell us why you headcanon them as autistic. a lot of characters if they remind me of myself in the autistic ways

Tell us an autistic person that you really look up to. kittydog. shes also my friend but shes one of the people that inspired me to start animating

Are you currently in school? does reading wikipedia pages for 12 hours straight count

Have you ever received any accommodations for your autism in either school or work? my teachers let me listen to music but thats about it

Do you have any autistic friends? i dont think i have any that arent autistic

Do you own any stim toys? Which is your favorite? i have plastic straws to chew on

Do you find it easier to get along with other autistic people? depends on whether or not theyre annoying in the “everything is offensive to me!11!!” way but generally yeah

What kinds of things are sensory hell for you? plastic anything being crinkled and more than one person talking to me

What kinds of things are good sensory wise? music i like and silence

How open are you usually when it comes to being autistic? i mean i told my teachers but they also knew i was trans so

Would you say you're proud to be autistic? yeah i guess so. i see the world differently and i think thats neat

What's the longest you've ever has a special interest for? 10 years i think. i still like homestuck but its not a special interest anymore. i take that back ive liked httyd since it was in theaters

Do you have meltdowns? yes but not publicly

What about shutdowns? really frequently yeah

Do you avoid eye contact? yes unless im doing it to annoy my friends. then suddenly im amazing at eye contact but otherwise if i look someone in the eyes ill be on the verge of tears and i will want to run away

Do you have any vocal stims or echolalia? does singing a single verse over and over again from whatever song im fixated on count?

How long do your special interests usually last for? 2-3 years

Are your friends and/or family accepting of your autism? yeah my mom and i watch people and be like “thats so autistic. theyre like me look theyre making the me face” and we do that for hours

Favorite canon autistic character? hiro hamada, mothflight, all of them...

Do you have a comfort item? If you feel comfortable with it, then show it to us. too lazy to take a picture but a wolf plush my dad gave me when i was 7 i absolutely cannot sleep without it

What are your same foods? microwave meatloaf and chicken alfredo

Foods you are sensitive to (maybe because of bad texture for instance)? pickes, taste is too jarring... also anything chunky in a certain way

Do you enjoy hugs? Or are they sensory hell? depends on the person but i dont like being touched in general so

Have you ever used a weighted blanket? yes theyre great i need one so bad

Do you have routines that you have to follow? What's in your routine? i have to pick up my cat and pet her every single day or else i will be angry the whole day and wont want to talk to anyone

Do you enjoy holidays or are they sensory hell to you? i dont like them. i hide in the bathroom or in the corner the whole time

How good are you at detecting sarcasm? terrible. i either take EVERYTHING as sarcasm or nothing as sarcasm no inbetween

What's the most comfortable/sensory friendly outfit you own? old mental hospital pants and this one specific hoodie ive had for 12 years that somehow still fits me

Do you collect anything related to your special interest? yes

If you date people then would you prefer to date other autistic people? yes

Tell us something about your special interest. eevees. adobe flash. dance dance by fall out boy and let’s dance by five

If you could have any item related to your special interest what would it be? warriors figurines but theyre all how i see them in my head

Who are your favorite autistic bloggers? Say something nice about them. i dont think i follow any neurotypical people if i do i sure as hell dont know about it. i love all of you keep posting

Favorite autistic celebrity? 田尻智。pokemon destroyed my life and im glad it did

Are you generally a loud or quiet person? quiet i suck so bad at verbal speech that i just dont talk 99% of the time lol

Do you happy flap? on occasion

What is your favorite special interest related item you own? Show it to us if you want. all of my toothless (httyd) and bnha merch. i have so much

What's something you find hard to do because of autism? anything that requires extended attention that im not interested in

Free question. Ask anything you want! Any topic at all! can i go to bed...?

[20dollarlolita]

So I did ask about pickiness in the lolita community and ur response was great.

In my original ask i actually forgot to ask the specific type of pickiness i had in mind though, which is 1000% my bad.

The problem I have is pretty much one I have with every fashion style I'm into, which is fabrics. I have severe sensory processing disorder (spd), and a solid 90% of fabrics super do not agree with me, of which a lot of lolita pieces and guides use the worst ones for me (i can give more details about fabrics i can and cant wear but plz dont ask about why i cant wear em bc spd is pretty nasty for me) Tulle is among the worst, so I use a crinoline instead, which honestly gives better shape than any petticoat ive tried.

I actually dont have many issues with skirts, since the fabric often doesnt touch you much, aside from petticoats, and own a lot of legitimate lolita skirts, mostly from lolita wardrobe.

Blouses on the other hand. The main problem is a lot of fabrics i find wearable are visibly lower quality than lolita usually has, and it often feels like it ruins the whole coord. For the longest time my go to was just a tank top and cardigan bc even finding non lolita blouses is hard bc of spd, and ordering online is worse bc I cant even feel the fabric beforehand. I could sew a blouse myself but again, the fabric would look visibly different than a normal lolita blouse, even if it was the same pattern used, and I'm scared that that would make it not count.

I actually already have a lot of stuff and have been wearing lolita ish stuff for years, i just dont post pics or go to lolita specific events, because my main fear is that my absolute inability to wear a lot of fabrics leads me to be unable to legitimately participate, no matter how much I try with the rest of the coord. Even wearing a crinoline instead of a petticoat I've seen ppl argue about.

Its less that I'm new and scared and more that I feel like due to spd I am barred from ever getting good, ya feel? And it just feels pretty unfair if that is the case. Im not gonna stop wearing what i wear but I feel lonely sometimes.

Thank you so much for what you do though i love the guides you post and I save pretty much all of them ���

So, for starters, I'm going to speak to everyone reading this first:

Saying, "tennis shoes aren't allowed in lolita but it's okay if you're disabled," is not disability inclusion. It's shitty. You deciding that disabled people can be held to lower standards than abled people is discrimination. Abled people deciding what is accommodation for disabled people is not inclusion. If you want to be disability-inclusive, you need to listen to people asking for the accommodation and you need to meet them on their terms.

So, to anyone who is inclined to answer this with, "Well, if it's a disability, you can wear whatever you want, and anyone who says it's not lolita is wrong because you get a free pass because they can't hate you for being disabled," that's the wrong way to look at the question.

Because OP's question was about if they can find acceptance in the lolita community because they deviate from the norm due to a disability, and the answer of, "just explain your disability to every single person and hope that they're accepting of it," isn't a good one.

.

So, to actually address the asker.

First of all, you personally are allowed to say, "I just will not wear <x fabrics> because it is not possible for me to be healthy and comfortable in them," and then accept that it's the foundation you need to base your lolita fashion off of. It's completely unfair for someone else to decide what your ability level is. However, understanding where your physical, emotional, and mental limits are, and then working to enjoy the things you want to do without crossing those limits? That's just self-care. That's being responsible.

However, as someone who is disabled, I'm kind of going to say how I feel about situations like this and then hope that it's similar to how you feel. We have different illnesses and conditions and so we might not feel the same about this, so I'm just sharing my feelings for a second.

Because, to me, while saying, "I'm making this exception for myself for the sake of my health," is a completely fine option that I know I can use, I still want to wear elaborate coordinates and celebrate this fashion that I love, and I still want to find some kind of acceptance in the community. Part of this is because I don't want to be required to explain to every single person who could judge my outfit that I need to be different because of something I can't control. It's both completely exhausting and totally terrifying. I have to hope with every single person that I talk to about this isn't a nutball who doesn't think disabled is a real thing, and that they aren't the kind of nutball who wants to take advantage of someone's disability for personal gain on entertainment, and that they aren't the kind of nutball to explain to me that <real one I got:> tantric massage can treat hearing loss.

Also, i wear lolita fashion because I love lolita fashion. Even when I'm making outfit changes that step away from the norm, I still want to be wearing lolita fashion. I don't want to go to my lolita events wearing pajama bottoms and a crop top, even if I think my community will still like me as a person, because I go to lolita events to wear lolita fashion. Even when I'm required to make accommodations for my health, I still want to be wearing lolita fashion. I wear it because I want to wear it.

Thank you for letting me project there. I can't know that you feel that way, but since you asked me, there's what I feel.

And that's a long way of explaining why, even though, "you're allowed to recognize what health and safety accommodations you need to make for yourself, and then keeping to those things is healthy," is a complete answer, I'm still going to keep talking.

In a couple of my other posts, I've talked about the "faking it" cards that you get when you're building a first coord. Generally, when your'e new to lolita, people will say, "ballet flats are okay shoes for your first coord," or "it's okay if your first coord doesn't have a petticoat; just hold your skirt out" or "it's okay if your first coord has a pointed collar on your blouse," and leave it at that. What people don't say is that there's a limited number of "it's okay"'s you can get before it's not really lolita anymore. You only get a few with that first coord before you've gone from "EGL" to "waitress who lost her apron".

What people don't talk about as much is that the "faking it" cards don't go away. You don't hear about it as much outside of newbie communities, because a lot of more experienced lolita-wearers do it without really thinking, but there's always an element of "can I get away with this?" in your coordination, no matter what your level is. People talk about balance in coordinates all the time. There's a lot of bizarre guessing and faking of things and experimenting (my ILD coord this year was me trying to find a way to wear a black bow with a navy dress).

From the way it sounds, you've got legitimate lolita skirts, so if you want to use your "faking it" cards on your blouse, there is probably a way to incorporate things you're able to wear into a lolita look. You mentioned cardigans, which are pretty common in lolita (and as long as you're not taking it off, the visual difference between a cardigan and a cutsew and a cardigan and a tank top isn't really all that big), so it sounds like you're familiar with the lolita guidelines and you're already learning on how to make those guidelines safe for you to wear.

I could go on a little bit longer about the why but this has gone on for a while so I'm just going to say that the community's response to someone who has actually studied and decided to try wearing lolita, but who has to make health accommodations is going to be very different from the response that they have to people who have no experience and demand that the community cater to that inexperience.

[autie-j]

30 Days of Autism Acceptance 2021

Rules: Answer the prompt of the day on your own separate post. You can answer as many or as few of these as you like. Answer with as much or as little detail as you wish. Some questions this year have an alternative option that you can do if you prefer. You can answer just one or both of them. And make sure to tag it as #30daysofautismacceptance and #2021. And feel free to do this on any other social media platform that you want as well. Please help me spread this before the start of April!

Note: This year for the prompts I collaborated with my friend @lesmiserabby to make them. Half of the prompts were made by her and the other half were made by me.

April 1st: Introduce yourself. Talk about who you are as a person. Your age, hobbies, special interests, family, etc. Anything you feel comfortable sharing.

April 2nd: Post your redinstead photos today. Alternatively, you could talk about what autistic pride/autism acceptance month means to you.

April 3rd: How do you feel about dating/romantic relationships? Have you dated in the past/are you currently in a relationship/do you eventually want one? Do you feel that your experience of autism/stereotypes around autism and relationships impacts this?

April 4th: Are there any topics regarding autism that you feel don't get discussed enough?

April 5th: What was school like for you, or what is it currently like for you if you are still in school? Elementary, high school, post-secondary?

April 6th: Are you able to drive? If so, was it difficult to learn? What was difficult about it? If not, do you use any alternatives?

April 7th: How are you with sarcasm and/or metaphors/figures of speech? Do you interpret things very literally?

April 8th: Talk about friendship. How important are friends to you? Do you find it hard to make and maintain friendships? Are your friends generally supportive? Is there anything about having friends that confuses you?

April 9th: How has the pandemic impacted you? Has it changed routines? Do you like or dislike masks? What do you wish allistics and neurotypicals knew/understood about how the pandemic is impacting autistic people?

April 10th: How important is representation to you? Is the representation that is out there generally good or bad? What is your favorite piece of representation? What you like to see more of in autism representation? What would you like to see less of?

April 11th: What are your thoughts/feelings about masking (a term for when autistic people hide their autistic traits)? Do you mask?

April 12th: Is there anything you find hard to do because of being autistic? Is there anything that you find easy?

April 13th: How much preparation and planning do you need before doing new things, or even for familiar things? Do you need to be totally prepared ahead of time or are you more comfortable with being spontaneous/just going for it? Does it vary for you depending on the thing or the day?

April 14th: What do you like about being autistic?

April 15th: Do you work? If so, what is that like for you? Are you open about being autistic at work? Alternatively, how open are you about being autistic? Do you tell a lot of people? Or just a select few? How do people normally react when you tell them? If you don't tell people, then why?

April 16th: What did it feel like when you interacted with other autistic people for the first time? What does the autistic community mean to you? How important is it?

April 17th: How do you feel about terms like "special needs"?

April 18th: Talk about identity. Is being autistic an important part of your identity? What does being autistic mean to you? Which do you prefer: identity first or person first language and why?

April 19th: Do you enjoy music, or do you find it overstimulating? If you do like music, what kind of music do you prefer?

April 20th: What are some things that allistic people do that you find confusing?

April 21st: Do you stim? If so, what are your favourite ways of stimming? What does stimming feel like for you?

April 22nd: What are some things allistic people can do to better support/accommodate autistic people?

April 23rd: How specific is your routine? Does it vary slightly from day to day? Do things have to be at the exact same time, or does just the order matter? How important is having a routine to you?

April 24th: Are there things that seemed to come naturally to others that you had to try to learn over time?

April 25th: Do you experience executive dysfunction? If so, how often? What is it like for you? What do you wish neurotypicals understood about it?

April 26th: Talk about special interests. Do you have special interests? If not do you wish you did? What do your special interests mean to you? What are your current special interests? What are your past special interests?

April 27th: What is your favourite form of media? For example, do you enjoy books? What format do you prefer for books (physical, e-book, audiobook)? Did you love reading as a kid but find it challenging as you got older? How about movies, tv, or video games? Do you have a favourite series?

April 28th: If you could give advice to someone who just found out that they are autistic, what advice would you give?

April 29th: How do you feel about shoes? Are they good sensory? Bad sensory? Are there certain types of shoes that you find more or less comfortable? Do you struggle with replacing shoes when they're worn out?

April 30th: What would you like your overall message for autism acceptance month to be?

[an-anxious-gay-mess]

Here's my headcanons of what neurodivergencies the lab rats (and leo) would have if I had been allowed to write this show

Adam: 

-ADHD and Dyslexia  

-"What do you mean the letters aren't supposed to move around?"

 "Uh" 

"Are you telling me most people don't have to read the same paragraph six times???" 

"Uh-"

 - After he got diagnosed he actually became a bit more interested in learning! It helps that most people are actually working with him now instead of just reassuring him that he's dumb -Chase especially feels really bad for teasing him so much without realizing how hard Adam had to try and researches ways to help people like him study 

-Adam still doesn't go out of his way to do well though, he's fine as long as he's passing his classes 

- is almost never standing still. He loves swivel chairs and will spend hours just spinning back and forth completely zoned out before he realizes he should probably eat something that day  

-the only time you'll see him completely still is when he's sleeping or super upset about something. He gets RSD pretty bad sometimes and will just shut down completely when upset

Chase 

-Autism, baby!! 

-Gets really bad sensory overload and has a lot of meltdowns if he gets too overwhelmed 

-he gets frustrated with himself a lot when he gets sensory overload and will try to ignore it, which usually makes it worse 

-He has a lot of stims but he typically will only do the more visual ones when he feels safe (mostly when he's alone or with his family if he knows they won't make fun of him) 

-Just. Constant info dumping. If you're going to start a conversation with him make sure you have at least 15 spare minutes to learn about the history of needle work (or whatever he's been researching that week)

-hates eye contact but will force himself for the sake of being Professional, to the point where he makes himself do more destructive stims (like pulling at his hair) or even having a meltdown

-(his family yells at him for doing this A Lot "Chase please just put on the goddamn headphones why do you do this to yourself-") 

-he was kind of embarrassed about being autistic at first and still tries to hide it most of the time to prevent people from bullying him about it, but after a while he learns to accept that it's not his fault people want to be dicks, and that autism isn't something to be ashamed of

Bree:

-dyslexia and anxiety 

-She's the one I have the least amount of headcanons for whoops-

-i think unlike Adam she's really embarrassed about being dyslexic and goes out of her way to avoid talking about it

-this is partially because of her anxiety too: she doesn't want to bother her teachers or anyone so she never mentions anything about getting accommodations 

-because of this she struggles a lot in some of her classes, but she spends a lot of time worrying about them and studying too

-she's had a lot of panic attacks at 3 am over trigonometry 

-after a while of her grades getting worse the school guidance counselor probably pulls her aside and is like "you know we can give you extra time to do tests right?" And basically gets her all the accommodations she needs 

-Bree is like "wow glad I spent 2 years building that 5 minute conversation up in my head and making myself worry so much I threw up multiple times" 

-she generally tries to not let anxiety control her too much, and once she gets some help from her teachers she gets way fewer panic attacks over school work

-she even tries to over compensate by trying to appear like nothing worries her even though Everything does

-she hates when her brother's occasionally go on missions without her (like if she's sick or injured), and her anxiety will scream at her the whole time they're gone

-they're always willing to reassure her that they're okay, though, and will even update her over headsets when they can 

-she also worried a lot that people around her are secretly mad at her or don't like her. Her family is usually willing to reassure her that they love her, but it does tend to put a strain on relationships she forms outside of them 

-also I think part of the reason she latches onto texting so much (besides the stereotypical Teenage Girl thing) is because spell check is a godsend 

Leo

-OCD and autism 

-tasha: uh hey buddy what are you doing?

6 year old leo: idk stacking these blocks 

Tasha: oh, okay, why don't we work together to make a big tower?

Leo: no. There must be Exactly Six blocks in each tower 

Tasha: okay buddy that's great :)

-the lab rats are initially very confused by some of his rituals 

-for example: when he turned the lights in a room on or off, he had to flick the switch 5 times. Or at night, he had to check to make sure the door was locked three times 

-they asked him if that was something that most people did in the outside world, and he explained to them what OCD was, and eventually told them about a bunch of other neurodivergences

-"wait so you said you have something called autism too?"

"Yeah, it's what makes me do that thing where I flap my hands sometimes. A lot of people with autism will know a lot of stuff about a few specific topics and will hate eye contact and other people touching them, but everyone is different"

Chase: "tell me more right now."

-that's how they end up getting diagnosed too!

-Leo tells them about different disorders (including ones they don't have) and they immediately launch onto the feeling of Are You Telling Me Other People Do This?

-they go to Big D about it and he's pretty accepting right away 

-they debate a lot at first whether they want to get professionally diagnosed, but then they decide that it would be a lot easier to get accommodations at school with a doctor backing them up

-where was I going with this I'm completely spiraling

[cherrybombfangirlwrites]

Hi Anna!! Happy Blorbo Blursday!

Time for a fuck ton of asks, as is my trademark. <3

Which of your OC's are neurodivergent? What would their diagnosis be in modern times? What are their neurodivergent traits/tendencies?

Which OC's are cat people? Dog people? Both? Niether?

Who can ride a horse well, and who can barely stay in the saddle?

Tell me about Captain Cassandra. Anything you want. As much as you want.

Tell me everything about Raven. (I am head of his protection squad now, btw. /lh)

Tell me about Triveya and her relationship with her magic.

For the entire main cast: what are their Fatal Flaws? (bonus, are they aware of it?) (idk if I've asked before, but it's my all-time fave question, so here it is again.) (LIST if you need it)

That's all for now! Have fun!

~ Morri (@memento-morri-writes)

Morri :DDDDD!!! Happy Blorbo Blursday!!!

As usual, all of your questions are fantastic and I will be answering in detail under the cut:

Which of your OC's are neurodivergent? What would their diagnosis be in modern times? What are their neurodivergent traits/tendencies?

!!!! Neurodivergent characters YESSSSS !!!! You bet your ass I have nd characters! (I like to write nd as a shortcut for neurodivergent btw)

Because I am nd myself all of my characters end up being nd coded, but I do write quite a few characters with explicit disorders/disabilites in mind.

Triveya is Autistic and has ADHD (and she's a burntout former gifted kid), Raven is autistic (he masks a lot), Princess Hestia has an anxiety/panic disorder, Sapphire has ADHD (she doesn't mask much), Prince Kaye has OCD, and the whole FSF crew has trauma and mental health issues on top of that. Now I shall talk about each of my specifically nd babies in detail:

Triveya- she has a very bubbly personality, and is a super compassionate and kind person. Being raised at a boarding school, she suppresses her other autistic and ADHD traits, like stimming, and having no control over her body language, lack of auditory processing, and facial expressions. She rarely drops the mask, even when alone she masks so hard it takes a physical toll- until her new friends help her feel safe and accepted enough that she can let go and unmask a lot more. She struggles with executive dysfunction, lack of dopamine, memory, sensory issues, social cues, and starting/finishing tasks. Her favorite stims are fiddling with the charms she wears, making swirly colors and little fireworks with magic, and making clicking noises with her mouth or humming. She can and will infodump everything she knows about magic at any moment, as magic itself is her special interest.

Raven- similar to Triveya, Raven masks a lot, which is due to his military training and just society in general. Though he does take more breaks to let himself unmask when he's alone, and makes accommodations for himself unlike Triveya. His new friends help him unmask even more, especially around them. He struggles with social cues, has a ton of sensory issues, and he stims a lot. His favorite stim is braiding anything and everything, hair, leather strips, flower stems, all of it. He also helps Triveya with the autistic struggles, is her biggest supporter, and the leader of the Triveya Defense Squad. Sometimes he hyperfixates on the people he loves (namely Sapphire) and will shower them with 10x more affection during a hyperfixation period (but he doesn't let it turn him into a creep, he respects boundaries).

Princess Hestia- her anxiety tends to manifest as anger issues, and when she starts to panic she is most likely to lash out at everyone in the room or area then isolate herself in shame. Elliot, her servants, and the others help her of course, and she starts to gain more control over her anxiety and resulting anger issues throughout the series, while feeling less anxious over time. When she's anxious or having a panic attack, her powers will start to act up, and she bites her lips/nails/cheeks until they bleed, and also ends up twisting and tearing the fabric of her clothes if they end up in her hands. The others help her with better coping skills so that she stops accidentally hurting herself in her panic. Max and Prince Kaye are the leaders of the Princess Hestia Defense Squad.

Princess Sapphire- she is that ADHDer with a golden retriever/chaotic gremlin personality. She gets excited very easily, is very hyperactive, and is almost always up to some kind of chaotic gremlin shenanigans. Because she was raised in the castle with very few other kids and her parents were only concerned with keeping her safe rather than behavior- she doesn't mask much at all. As a result, she rarely masks, so her ADHD traits are always front and center, and she doesn't care what others think. She struggles with impulsivity, dopamine instability, and getting overwhelmed and going into shutdown mode. Her stims include dancing, twirling around so her skirt flares out, talking about anything and everything, and just in general keeping active and constantly moving. She also helps Triveya out with her ADHD struggles, and is co-captain of the Triveya Defense Squad.

Prince Kaye- he is a very anxious person, and he has a ton of intrusive thoughts about bad things happening or hurting and even killing others due to his OCD. Because his parents raised him with the exception that he would be a bloodthirsty warlord like him, this makes Kaye's anxiety and feelings of shame about his thoughts even worse. He wants to love his parents, but resents them for treating him the way they do. He loves his siblings for supporting him and not expecting him to be like them. Princess Hestia and Max, who are also very anxious people, are his biggest supporters and leaders of the Prince Kaye Defense Squad, alone with his supportive and protective girlfriend Tris.

Which OC's are cat people? Dog people? Both? Neither?

Team Cats- Prince Kaye, Lan, Max, Princess Hestia, Elliot

Team Dogs- Tris, Cassandra, Erica, Sapphire, Triveya

Team Both- Prince Monty, Raven

Team Neither- No one? they all seem like animal lovers to me... idk :/

Who can ride a horse well, and who can barely stay in the saddle?

I'll do you one better and rank all of my MCs based on if they can ride a horse or not :D

1. Raven - He's a knight with military training, boy can absolutely ride a horse. He can ride a horse while firing a crossbow and braiding Sapphire's hair. HE CAN RIDE A HORSE 2. Princess Snow- she grew up joining the knights on hunts and marches and such, so she can ride a horse and do it well. She can't do it as well as Raven, but she does have a little combat specific horse training, so she can ride a horse and fight at the same time. 3. Lan- not as good as Snow cuz they're just not very combat inclined, but they can ride very well, going on the same adventures with the knights as Snow because they've been besties since they were kids. 4. Prince Kaye - He doesn't really like it because he was always trained with combat focused horse training, but he can do it and do it well. 5. Max - Not trained for combat at all and doesn't ride horses much, but he does have the royal training, so he can do it and at least stay in the saddle without any trouble. 5. Princess Hestia and Prince Monty - Same as Max, though they struggle a little bit with staying in the saddle, they can ride a horse and stay upright on it. 6. Tris - She's never really done it before, and would probably struggle for a minute before figuring it out and quickly becoming a pro. 7. Triveya - Also never done it before. Her learning curve would be a little bit longer than Tris's, but she eventually figures it out and does pretty ok once she's got it figured out 8. Cassandra and Erica - Never done it, and they're more accustomed to sailing on the ocean. They can figure it out and at least stay in the saddle with a whole lot of stuggling, but it's going to take a while to learn. 9. Princess Sapphire - Girl can't even get ON the horse. She's too short and doesn't have an ounce of patience, as well as a lack of object/depth perception (so she thinks the saddle is closer to the ground than it actually is cuz of the ADHD). And even if she can get in the saddle with some help, she's not staying in it- without holding on for dear life at the very least. Good thing she can ride with Raven.

Tell me about Captain Cassandra. Anything you want. As much as you want.

Oh yes! Captain Cassandra! She's so cool and a deaf queen! So, she's the little mermaid in my little mermaid retelling. When he story picks up, it's about four years after that prince left her, and she has since settled into the pirate life with a sturdy ship and loyal crew. The spell the sea witch gave her is still very much in effect- she can't talk and walking feels like walking on knives for her, but she's used to it by now- she can communicate with sign language or writing stuff down, and the pain in her feet is more of a dull ache most of the time. However, she's still trying to get over the prince by not addressing those feelings at all and trying to bury it and forget about it- which she doesn't realize actually isn't helping her heal at all. About a year prior to the events of The Little Pirate, she also lost most of her hearing to an explosion on the high seas- her left eardrum is completely shot while her right still works kinda but all the noise is really muffled and hard to make out on that side. The deafness she is still getting used to, but it's getting a little easier to manage each day. Cassandra is plus sized, has wild bright orange curls, icy blue eyes, and is a very determined, tough, and formidable pirate. Because of her first love leaving her, Cass is a very closed off person, tending to push away people she loves before she gets attached so that when they leave it won't hurt as much, and she thinks that she doesn't deserve love anyway. She's a clever pirate, and knows a lot about the islands that surround Eltya from the three years that she's explored them with her crew. Her crew is all girls, (except for her grandfather, who also gave up his tail to come on land with her so she wouldn't be alone- except he cut his tail off and replaced it with mechanical legs and he can talk), and her first mate is a girl named Felicity- who is also her main sign language interpreter. The other crew mates know some basic sign language, as does her grandfather, but Felicity is the most fluent. In the first chapter of the book, Cassandra meets our girl Erica (who yes I did name after the Disney prince, what of it), when they quite literally crash into each other as Erica is being chased by some dangerous pirates that clearly want something she has. Cass immediatly falls hard for not only Erica's gorgous looks, but her deeply caring and hopeless romantic personality and very hot skills with a sword. Once Cass realizes she's caught feelings, she very quickly pushes Erica away, thinking that this beautiful amazing girl will leave her like the prince did. I don't want to spoil anything, but by the end of the story Erica does prove Cassandra wrong and by the end of the series they confess feelings and kiss and become super cute, plus sized, horny, and protective pirate girlfriends.

Tell me everything about Raven. (I am head of his protection squad now, btw. /lh)

Raven. My son. My kin and blorbo. My boy. I love him so much and want him to suffer- You can absolutely be the head of the Raven protection squad, you have my approval :) Anyways, Raven. You probably know already that he's Princess Sapphire's super protective bodyguard, that he's autistic, that's he's morally gray, and all that good stuff, and I'll probably mention it again but it's fine- Raven is the biggest simp ever, for Sapphire. He's literally staring at her with heart eyes 99% of the time. He would do anything and everything for her, no questions asked. She is one of the things that can get him smiling and laughing in seconds. She's very different from what he's used to- before her, he dated people that were more like him. She's very different than he is and is kind of outside his comfort zone, but nothing is more worthy of leaving that comfort zone for in his eyes. And while he has this tough knight facade around everyone else, she's one of the few people he drops the facade for and becomes soft and sweet around. And he is so protective, let me elaborate: there is no limits to what this guy would go to for the people he loves, especially Sapphire. He chops a dude’s hand clean off, he fights the Witch Queen with no magic of his own multiple times, he traveled hundreds of miles by wagon and then carried her up a mountain just on the mere chance that this spell could wake her up from the sleeping curse. He would fight the King of the Underworld to the death just for her if it came to it. He would kill, he would burn down the whole world with no hesitation or regret just to get one last goodbye, one last chance to tell her he loves her. He can and will protect her from everything (even though she's very much capable of protecting herself in most cases) and it kills him that he can't do anything to protect her from the nightmares after he brings her back Also! He is so affectionate. Usually through physical touch, but also by just spending time with the people he loves and giving them simple but very meaningful and thoughtful gifts. Before the sleeping curse, he and Sapphire are really shy about showing physical affection, but after, they're both scared of one of them getting ripped away again. So they become super clingy and are making physical contact as much as possible, not caring if people are around: holding hands, hugging each other from behind, braiding each other's hair while listening to the others talk, holding hands under the table, forehead and cheek kisses, etc etc etc. He has three little sisters back home, and loves them all dearly. Those girls are also the reason he's so good at braiding, and he can do super fancy and intricate braids <3 He's also super protective of his little sisters and would 100% beat up or threaten any bully that dares mess with them. And that's all I can think of for now (but there will always be more!)

Tell me about Triveya and her relationship with her magic.

I've said this before but: Triveya is a former gifted kid who was mainly raised at a boarding school that teaches magic, where she was a 'gifted kid' very talented in magic- so... she kind of has a complicated relationship with magic to say the least. She loves it because it's her special interest, but it's also the one thing that causes the most burnout and stress in her life- this is because she feels ashamed of accommodating herself even though that would prevent a lot of stress, meltdowns, and burnout. She loves learning about magic, but dreads practicing it because of how hard it is for her. Triveya can and will infodump about magic at any given moment, but she frequently struggles with starting a spell, finishing it, and dreads doing the tasks required to do magic a lot. She's also very forgetful, leading her to very often forget important stuff about spells- which then causes them to backfire or not work at all. It's frusturating, and she's constantly beating herself up over it. But, her arc is all about her learning to cut herself some slack and accommodate herself, so by the end of the series she has a better relationship with magic and can actually enjoy practicing it again. And she becomes a former gifted kid that's messy, doesn't give a fuck, and actually lets herself do things the way that's best for her rather than conforming to everyone's expectations of doing it the neurotypical way.

For the entire main cast: what are their Fatal Flaws? (bonus, are they aware of it?) (idk if I've asked before, but it's my all-time fave question, so here it is again.) (LIST if you need it)

Probably have answered this before but idc. Tris: She has this very sanitized perception of the army in her kingdom, and thinks that everyone sees it the way she does and that everyone wants to be warheroes like her. I wouldn't say it's a fatal flaw necessarily, but it is the biggest flaw she has that she has to overcome in order to change how the kingdom is run. And it's a very jarring wake up call when she gets to the tournament and finds that a lot of girls there are scared and don't want to be there. All of this forces Tris to take a step back and re-evaluate how she sees things in her kingdom, then change how she thinks. After that, she consciously has to deconstruct everything that the kingdom has brainwashed her into believing about the army and how they treat the citizens.

Prince Kaye: He's not good at standing up for himself, and thinks that he's an awful person for having the thoughts that he does. Again, not a fatal flaw necessarily, at least not physically, but it is a mentally fatal flaw that kills how he thinks. He knows it's a problem, but has very few tools to deal with it.

Princess Snow: girl needs to stop letting people walk all over her and stop giving excuses for people when they treat her like shit. Now this is a very fatal flaw, because Snow's stepmother uses this against her and attempts kill Snow several times. Deep down, Snow knows that it's a huge problem that could get her killed, but she doesn't want to admit that to herself or anyone else.

Lan: loyalty. they are loyal to fault, and this flaw combined with Snow's is what gets them killed. They know it's a problem, but they care so much about their bestie they can't help it.

Captain Cassandra: she's afraid of loving someone only for them to leave. it's not her fault, the flaw is a trauma response to how the prince left her, but it's still a problem. it's not fatal necessarily, but it does keep her from living a happy and full life to the fullest when she falls for someone. She doesn't realize it's a flaw until it's too late.

Erica: loyalty again, especially to Cassandra, and it quite literally gets her killed (but she's brought back later). She knows it's a problem but isn't about to do anything about it.

Max: refuses to see problems that are there when he can and should fix them, refusing to stir up trouble and not be in the middle of any drama or danger. it's not what gets him killed but it could. He knows it's a problem but is too fearful to do anything about it.

Prince Monty: A little too curious and too eager to jump into an adventure without assessing the danger first. He knows it's a problem but can't stop himself

Elliot: ... I'm actually not quite sure what it exactly is yet. all I know is that he has to learn how to be brave and stand up to the people he tries to seek approval from. he might know that it's a flaw, but be too scared to do anything about it.

Princess Hestia: girl is so anxious and doesn't have the tools to cope. she also lashes out at people, then shuts them out and isolates herself in shame. She knows it's a problem, but she has no idea how to deal with it or fix it.

Raven: his fear of leaving his comfort zone and taking risks, even when they're necessary and even good. it doesn't get him killed but it does get someone else put under a sleeping curse ;) He doesn't realize it's a problem until it prevents him from saving someone he loves

Princess Sapphire: takes too many risks, and ignores the fact that she's not invincible. it doesn't get her killed exactly, but close enough ;) she doesn't realize it's a problem until she falls under the curse and is trapped in the underworld between life and death

Triveya: OVERACHIEVER MUCH- Girl pushes herself waaaay too hard.

Thank you so much for all of the questions @memento-morri-writes , wonderful ask as always and you're amazing <3

[swamp-spirit]

Am I Depressed or Just Lazy?

It’s the question that haunts most disabled people, whether the disability is physical or mental. Is it my fault? Am I just not trying hard enough? How do I know? 

It doesn’t help that everyone has their own opinion, opinions your accommodations and aid depend on. Do you need help, or do you just need to try harder?

Well, here’s my answer for you, an answer that has been very important for me: The question is wrong.

To get into why, let’s discuss different kinds of limits. (note, many disabled people have more than one, if not all of these. this is not an attempt to ‘rank’ disabilities, and all come with their own unique range of issues)

OBJECTIVE HARD LINE

This is something you can prove. You can go into the doctor, do a test, and have them clarify that this is a fixed, provable limit. For example, if you are paralyzed from the waist down, that’s a hard line. No amount of luck or willpower will let you walk that day. You might have a form of aphasia that makes you incapable of forming coherent sentences. If you allergic to gluten, you’re allergic to gluten.

SUBJECTIVE HARD LINE

This is a consistent, predictable limit that you know, but is not an exact, easily proven fact. For example, ‘if I hear about a car accident, I have a panic attack’. It’s more difficult to prove to external sources, but fairly easy to recognize internally.

UNPREDICTABLE HARD LINE

You know your disability has a clear, observable consequence, but you can’t say exactly how much you can handle before it hits. For example, if you walk to much, your hip freezes up, but you don’t know how much walking will cause it. You may know going to crowded events give you sensory meltdowns, but not know how much you can handle. There is no “I can go to your party for exactly eleven minutes”. 

SOFT LINE

These revolve around energy. Maybe your executive function issues make it hard for you to do homework. Maybe your chronic pain means going shopping leaves you tired. This is where spoon theory becomes popular. Everyone has physical and mental struggles and limits.

-----

The problem is, everybody has soft lines. Everybody gets tired if they push their bodies. Everybody gets stressed or sad or overwhelmed. There’s no exact measurement. 

It makes a lot of us push ourselves towards our hard lines. For example, I struggle with chronic pain and exhaustion, and, at a certain point, faint. After years of being told I was faking it, being dramatic, just needed to push through, starting to actually collapse was the first time people began to realize there was something wrong. I still don’t know how to believe my own body, I don’t know how to forgive myself for not pushing, so I push for the limits. Once I faint, then I’ve finally proved I’m trying, that I’m not just being dramatic or lazy. Mental illness is particularly hard to quantify, and many people are driven to self harm trying to create some proof that their pain is real.

Disabled or lazy? 

What do we do if the answer is lazy? We don’t want to be one of those bad disables who uses our health as an excuse and doesn’t make changes.. Maybe you can just push through it. Maybe if you just HATE yourself enough, you’ll be the person you want to be.

On the flipside, maybe it’s your disability. Not your fault. Out of your hands. No point in trying to fix it.

Obviously, neither of these are healthy places to stay, but if the two options are ‘it’s my disability and I have no control’ or ‘it’s my fault and I could fix it if I cared’, what else can you do? It also makes us lash out at hope. After all, if you can get better, isn’t it... kinda your fault that you aren’t? Aren’t you choosing to stay sick?

Because here’s the core problem: You are like this for a reason.

What is lazy? There’s this attempt to boil ourselves down to what’s ‘us’, the core traits open for moral judgement, and what’s ‘not our fault’, experiences outside us that shape our actions. It’s particularly obvious in the way we discuss criminals.

But we’re all the way we are for a reason. Every asshole has mental and social reasons to be an asshole. Nature and nurture, baby.

So what? None of it’s our fault and we should do what we want and blame other factors?

Of course not, but the reverse isn’t any better! Let’s look at a common issue:

I don’t clean as much as I want. Is it my disability, or am I lazy?

If you’re lazy, what do you actually do? Well, you stop being lazy! You buck up and Do The Dang Thing!

But if wanting to do it was enough, you wouldn’t be worrying about it in the first place. Maybe you’ll force yourself to clean for ten minutes, but the real thing you ingrain is self loathing. Stop being lazy. Stop being lazy. Stop being lazy. Hate yourself healthy.

That’s not constructive because you’re fixing the wrong problem. So what do you do? How do you give yourself agency without basing it around guilt? How do you change without shame?

. Instead of asking if your problems are ‘real’, here’s what I recommend:

1. Why am I not acting the way I want to act?

Don’t accept any answer that has moral judgement. Cut the word lazy. It’s useless. Don’t ask if it’s ‘your fault’ you have Type II diabetes, if you ‘should be able to’ pay attention in class. Cut moral judgement from the process.

Actually understanding why you act the way you do might take time, research, and thought, but changing behavior does!

Example: Why am I eating so much junk food when I know it’s making me feel worse?

Bad answer - I’m depressed

Worse answer - Because I’m a glutton with no self control

Good answer - My depression makes me seek out temporary highs from food because long term highs aren’t working, and I have self control issues that mean I often don’t act in my own best interests.

2. What are my barriers?

Once you’ve identified what’s stopping you, get into more details. If you find doing dishes overwhelming, why? What parts of the process do you find overwhelming or uncomfortable?

For the more general answers (motivation, energy, etc), what are your barriers to the solutions? What steps might help with your depression and what’s stopping you from taking those? Why don’t you do your physical therapy?

3. Is this something I can change? Is this something I can change now?

Earlier we talked about hard lines. Those come back in here. Some things, even with unlimited time and resources, remain fact. It’s not ‘giving up’ to accept a hard ‘cannot’. That said, be careful not to listen to mental illness ‘cannots’ in this situation. For example, I have been told by professionals I will probably always need psyciatric medication to be functional, no matter how good my self talk and lifestyle is. Accepting that, I think, is healthy. It would not be healthy, however, to decide that I ‘cannot’ have a good life.

But you do not have unlimited time and resources. When I said ‘what are your barriers’, plenty of you probably went “MONEY! IT’S MONEY, YOU ASSHOLE” Sometimes it means knowing an issue can’t be addressed until you have money/time/surgery. 

It’s okay to put things on the backburner. If you’re trying to figure out ‘how do I keep from being homeless next week’, you might decide ‘how do I eat more vegetables’ is not your most pressing issue.

You can also decide a fix isn’t worth the cost. Maybe you could afford knee surgery, but you don’t think the amount it would improve your life would be worth the expense or risk. Maybe you could take the stairs to class, but it would leave you too exhausted to pay attention.

Sometimes you realize ‘I want something more than I want to fix this’, and... that’s okay. Sometimes you aren’t ready for a change. Sometimes you don’t need to change. But if the change really is something you want:

4. Make a plan that directly confronts your barriers?

You’ve already broken your barriers into small, objective issues. Now you can start working on those issues. 

If you know you need to eat better, and your main barrier is impulse control, don’t plan to ‘stop eating junk food’. Figure out healthy, easy snacks you like and leave them in plain view.

Find ways to make chores easier. Learn to cook while seated, try playing music while you clean, find what works for you. If it doesn’t work, try something else.

Talk frankly with the people in your  life. Try to help them understand what your barriers are and make them allies in overcoming them. “I know it’s important I do this, and I am trying. Here is the specific element I am struggling with. Do you have advice for that?”

I particularly love this conversational tactic with doctors. Here is a conversation I had with a lot of doctors:

Doctor: You need to fix this habit. Me: I know. I’m sorry. Doctor: It’s really important. Here’s why it’s important.

I would get upset and defensive that the doctor seemed to think I didn’t care, and that the solution was just shaming me into caring more. The doctor would probably see me as unwilling to change.

Here is the conversation we have now:

Doctor:  You need to fix this habit. Me: That’s a priority for me too, but I’m really struggling with x and y hasn’t helped. Do you have any advice that helps people with x?

This either gets me advice on my actual problem instead of just being shamed for not fixing it, or it forces the doctor to change the topic and perhaps redirect me to somebody with more experience.

Write down lists of issues you want to address with your doctor. Focus on concrete steps and goals, and celebrate every win. People might not see how hard your fight is, but if getting out of bed in the morning is a fight, you have every reason to celebrate it.

But your barrier is NOT that you are lazy. It is not that you are bad or stupid or worthless. You cannot hate yourself healthy.

Your struggles are real, and the steps to overcome them are based in understanding, agency, and support, not self loathing.

[singlethread]

this is a bit random but I wanted to say that I really admire you, and your relationship with your autism is very inspiring to someone currently struggling with accepting the potential of being on the spectrum, and struggling with the confusion that comes along with it and overlapping diagnoses. like, am i binge eating or am i stimming with this specific food? am I sensitive to sensory input because of autism or because of OCD? or both? I think I've internalized a lot of negative perceptions of autism and so I'm scared of how other people will perceive me differently because of this label even though I haven't actually changed at all. anyways, basically you inspire me to be more accepting of whatever my diagnoses may be and to live more authentically and not necessarily feel like I have to be masking something all the time

As someone who’s recently made this discovery about myself this means so much to me. Thank you so much for sending this. If you’re autistic that’s great and if you’re not that’s okay too. And if things that are happening are because of ocd or autism or just because that’s who you are that’s okay. I’ve been hearing a lot lately that if certain accommodations helps you then that means that you need those accommodations and you should use them. So if something like noise canceling headphones help with what you think might be sensory overload then that’s great. Your authentic self is amazing and I’m glad you’re starting to feel like you can accept it more. I know my life has gotten easier the more I’ve accepted my true self. And if anyone treats you differently because of a label they’re the ones in the wrong

[newhologram]

I know only a few of you are on IG so I wanted to give an update here on the past few days. I am doing this knowing the potential risk but I need to also record where I'm at right now in case anything weird happens.

My week has been like this so far. Sunday: Family Member 1 misplaced their Xbox controller. They kept asking me if I knew where it was, each time growing more and more aggressive. I don't have an Xbox, I reminded them. I have my own controller for my PC. But they kept knocking loudly on my door. They followed me outside where I was vaping and tried to accuse me of I don't even know what. Pawning off their controller? FM1 said, "Is there something going on that you're not telling me? SOMEONE'S messing with me!" Later that night they and their gf were making dinner. FM1 suddenly knocked harshly on my door and said aggressively, "WHAT DID YOU DO WITH THE OVEN MITTS" in an angry voice. I was already stressed from them harassing me earlier about the controller. I came out of my room, heart racing, and told them I had not used them that day. I helped find the mitts, which had fallen behind the trash can because the hanging hook had broken. I went to bed on edge, feeling unsafe and targeted, wondering why my family member was suddenly acting so paranoid and accusing me of misplacing their things... Something they actually have done to me my whole life, denying it until the moment my item is found, when they suddenly remember they did move it there (or accidentally throw it out/destroy it). The controller ended up being some random place in the living room. Monday: I went to leave for my acupuncture appointment. My booster seat/pillow thing was missing from my car. Not in the trunk or anything. I cannot drive without it. I'm too short to see over the steering wheel. I called FM1 and they have no idea where it could be, despite the fact that they drive my car every day. FM1's gf helped find it, in the garage. But I still had an epic fucking meltdown, sobbing the whole way to and from my appointment. I just cannot handle people moving my shit and disrupting my schedule like that. And it just hurt so much more knowing that FM1 was so awful to me the day before about their stuff being misplaced. I'm always having my personal belongings, my feelings, my personhood, disrespected. It hurts deeply. When I got home I stressed to them that this is my car, and my accommodation should not ever be removed from it under any circumstances. It was after this that I decided it was time to hold a family meeting. I called Family Member 2 and 3 over to the house. I read a long letter to them in which I told them about the talks I have had with my therapist, psychiatrist, and another psychologist. Even though I cannot be formally assessed and diagnosed at this time, I am being treated for autism. I detailed to my family my entire life of trauma that is traced back directly to my autistic traits, and my needs not only not being met, but being outright denied. I was denied empathy most of my life for my sensory issues, my pain, everything. A big part of this is gaslighting. Even if it's unintentional or not malicious, gaslighting is incredibly traumatic. Especially when it comes to my sensory issues. I have had even more problems with overstimulation the past year which means I can barely sleep, so my daily naps are even more important. I try to coordinate my naps when there is less activity in my house. But if I'm in a ton of pain and extra sensitive and ask for quiet, that's when I get in trouble and a fight happens. That's when FM1 tells me I "need to be realistic" and "can't expect the whole world to shut up for you"... when I'm literally saying "I have a migraine and need to rest, can you please not play loud music or slam cupboards in the kitchen for a few hours?"

I was emotionally neglected and abused by both parents. A lot of it is just the result of their own trauma that they have not dealt with... But I have also been physically threatened and assaulted by them at different times, though it only happened those specific times. (They won't ever admit to it though.) The emotional and mental abuse still goes on in my home. I am not allowed to have emotions. I have been told "STOP. WHY ARE YOU CRYING. LIFE'S NOT FAIR. WHEN YOU GET OUT IN THE REAL WORLD YOU'LL HAVE SOMETHING TO CRY ABOUT" over and over--like... in response to me crying about my pet dying, or in response to me crying bc I'm in horrible pain from my chronic illnesses, or crying after my usual yearly ER visit. I am also not allowed to have boundaries. I have tried to communicate with FM1 that these things hurt me deeply. And their response is basically, "YOU'RE SO UNGRATEFUL. I PUT A ROOF OVER YOUR HEAD!" and threats such as "BETWEEN TAKING CARE OF YOU AND GRANMDA, ONE OF THESE DAYS I'M GOING TO DRIVE OFF AND YOU'LL NEVER SEE ME AGAIN!" or "I'M THE ONE WHO SHOULD KILL MYSELF BECAUSE I HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF YOU"-- y'know, in response to having a disabled child. Ouch. The message is clear: I am nothing but an inconvenience and a burden to my family. I still have nightmares about them abandoning me, or abusing me more. I think in their heads they think that they love me. But this isn't love. If I try to talk to them about how dangerous it is for them to say things like that to me, they say "I never said/did that." Which brings us back to the gaslighting: I said that every time they gaslight me and tell me that my emotions/thoughts/experiences aren't real, it triggers me so badly that I self-harm and become suicidal.

I was very clear with them: I said that I can no longer have that in my life because one day it will kill me. I don't wanna die that way. I want to live. I have very bad PTSD and it's something I have worked on for 8 years but it has been worse the past year with so many disruptions and FM1's worsening narcissistic traits. I gave the choice to them. I said if they gaslighted me again that they were making the decision to not be in my life. Because this is about preserving my life. I'm trying not to die here. I'm literally trying to save my own life, even if that means not having a relationship with my family. They accept that I am autistic... But they then took turns gaslighting me. When I pointed out, "that's gaslighting. that's exactly what I just said in my letter. What you're doing is gaslighting" they went even harder on it. They said my experience and my trauma is "not in line with reality". They also said I "need to be reasonable" with the boundary that I'm setting (meaning: they don't believe in boundaries at all). They tried to guilt trip me with, "you can't cut someone out of your life because what if they DIE and then you FEEL GUILTY??" (I mean, what if I killed myself because you keep hurting me? Wouldn't you feel guilty about that?) They also guilt tripped me with "well we TRY to invite you to family stuff, and we try to include you, but you never want to go..." um... I guess they forgot I am chronically ill? Sorry if I don't have the energy or pain tolerance to drive an hour each way to a loud family party after I've worked all week? I cried and cried, I said this is exactly what I told you that you do to me and how it endangers my life... and you're doing it... while telling me you don't do it to me... They were all weird and told me "we love you and would do anything for you!" except... I guess, not gaslight me constantly? Idk. I felt so trapped. I felt so hopeless. I was up all night crying. I wondered, "Why is the idea of me having distance from them somehow worse than me being dead? Why would they prefer that I die rather than set a boundary that will save me?" And then I remembered: I had set the terms. They broke them. You do this, you're out of my life, because me being alive is more important than us having a relationship which will eventually kill me. I'm not trapped. It doesn't matter if they think they can prevent me from setting this boundary because they can't. I'm in charge of my boundary. So I blocked them on social media, as well as their phones. I have to unfortunately keep FM1 unblocked bc I live with them, they drive my car, and they look after my cats while I am at work. If I didn't have so many great things happening behind the scenes, if I didn't have my cats, if I didn't have amazing friends and followers who are supportive and kind... I can definitely see that I would have ended my life that night in some alternate timeline. That is how much pain I was in from them doing that to me. Them literally trying to gaslight me into not setting a boundary. I mean it would've been so ridiculous on their part, can you imagine? Me: Hey family, when you gaslight me, it makes me suicidal. I don't want to die, so either you stop doing that, or we can't have a relationship. Family: UHH NO *gaslights me anyway* Me: ok *kills self* Family: *surprised Pikachu face* Like???? Would they really have been shocked because it seems like they should have known since I told them directly? And that just shows that they really don't take my pain seriously at all. They think I'm overly sensitive and that my trauma is not real. That would have been a painful wake up call for them. I told my therapist all of this. And she agrees that this is good, this is going to not only ween them off of me but also allow me to focus on all the good stuff I have going on. I have to get moving. So much stuff has been lagging because I'm constantly recovering from them triggering me. I'm going to focus, and heal, and gtfo of here. Thank you for your support and for never invalidating my pain.

[asterekmess]

Werewolves and Why I Love Them

So, hi, my name is Tali and I’m a werewolf addict.

I’ve been pretty much obsessed with werewolves since right around the time I turned twelve. The entirety of Teen Wolf aside, I’ve loved them for years. I wrote my first novel about them. I dream about them regularly (like two days ago, for instance). The majority of my original fiction is about werewolves.

For the longest time I honestly didn’t understand why I loved them so much. I mean sure, I’m in love with nighttime and am fucking entranced by full moons. I guess that helps. But it always felt like so much more than that, to the point that I used to wish desperately that I would find out I was a secret werewolf and just hadn’t changed yet, in the same way other kids wished they had magic powers. My husband and I joke pretty often about how I’m just a lil more wolfy than is probably normal. Or catlike, we can never decide.

There’s a reason for that, that I’ve found makes so much fucking sense???

I’m neurodivergent. Specifically, I have ADHD. I’ve always had it, bc that’s how it works, but you’d be surprised at how much elementary school’s strict structuring and constant supervision can keep a people-pleasing, terrified of rejection, neurodivergent kid under control. I masked most of my symptoms and I masked them well. Even at home, to the point that although I was diagnosed really young, my mother was insistent that I had no need for medication or therapy to help me deal with the altered development of my brain.

Then came middle school and my rebellious stage, where I finally stopped acting the way other people wanted me to act. Boom. ADHD symptoms galore, and my mother was flabbergasted. I was about Twelve.

Cue the werewolf obsession.

It was only once I started learning about all the symptoms I’d just assumed everybody was dealing with and figured out how to examine the ways that my neurological disorder effected my life, that it all started to make so much more sense.

Dude, werewolves are basically hyped up embodiments of ADHD.

Now, do not misinterpret me. I’m not comparing ADHD people to dogs or animals of any kind. That’s not what this is about.

This is about werewolves being almost painfully realistic representations of many ADHD symptoms from inside the ADHD person’s head.

You see ADHD people onscreen rarely, and usually when they show up they’re presented in much the same way Stiles is in the first episode. Jumpy, Distracted, Hyperactive, Addicted to meds. It sucks. And even when there is good representation, what the audience sees is almost always the neurotypical point of view rather than the pov of the actual ADHD person. You see them doing things for seemingly no reason, reacting to nothing or getting worked up over tiny things. Even the good rep doesn’t really encapsulate what it’s like to be inside that person’s head.

In my experience, werewolves get that shit right, even though it’s on accident.

There are so many things we relate to werewolves that actually express ADHD symptoms incredibly well.

Noticing sounds that other people can’t hear. (The buzz of a lightbulb or the hum of the fridge)

Getting hopeless distracted by other people’s conversations, even if they’re all the way across the room, just because you latched onto their voice.

Having strong reactions to scents and tastes and textures, that leave you nauseous around certain foods and keep you from being able to walk through the chemical aisle at Wal-mart (or is that just me?).

Impulsivity that makes you do things even you can’t fully understand, including things that you didn’t actually want to do.

Emotions that run so high you don’t know what to do with yourself.

That constant buzzing under the skin that says be more do more be more do more until you just want to run until you exhaust yourself.

Zoning out and losing literally all sense of time, occasionally with a bout of memory loss.

Constantly being on guard in public and adjusting everything from your behavior to your personality just so you can seem “normal.” Until it’s like you’re two different people.

Being unable to properly express yourself with words and it getting so fucking frustrating that you want to just growl and bite and scream (howl) to make them back off until you can think again.

Having things about yourself that some people call gifts but that others call a curse and not knowing which one to believe.

Right down to routines (wolves are on a monthly routine) and meditation or focal points (anchors) being the only way to deal with the sensory overload and calm yourself down.

Lots of ADHD people I know are really tactile. It makes perfect sense. Touch releases happy chemicals and we are perpetually lacking the happy chemicals. I myself love tactility, if only from literally one person. The concept of “puppy piles” is so fucking nice I can’t even describe it. It gives me a fucking serotonin high just thinking about it.

The reassurance that the concept of “packs” brings, a community of people just like you who accept you and let you be yourself? People who will accommodate you without blaming you for making their lives more difficult? That is so much harder to find than you think, even amongst other neurodivergent people.

Not to mention, when a werewolf freaks out about the loud noise or jumps at the slam of a door across the house? People just accept it. No one questions it, cus’ “They’re a werewolf.”

Werewolf shows or books or fanfic show a werewolf acting in a way that ‘normal’ people would find incredibly weird, but from their point of view. They let the audience hear the noise that made the wolf react. They alter the lens (sometimes really badly) so that you get a visual representation of the wolf’s vision tunneling so they only think about that one thing right now and none of the rest of the world matters.

No calling them ‘obsessed’ or ‘sensitive’ or ‘paranoid.’ No viewing them as ‘That annoying character who freaks out at nothing.’ Now the audience can see the cacophany of having that mindset and those feelings. They actually understand.

When I read about werewolves, I feel like I’m reading my own fucking thoughts. Yes, my dude, I totally feel you. The squeak of that person’s brakes might not bother anyone else because they can tune it out, but you can’t and it feels like the loudest sound in the world. No one else can smell that scent on the bed or the couch from like three weeks ago, but by god it’ll give you a fucking headache when you’re trying to sleep. Running off all that energy must be nice. I too lose my temper at the tiniest things for no discernible reason and have feelings so intense that I can’t breathe. I feel you about there being too much going on all the time, and I can’t get my homework done either.

It’s no fucking wonder that Stiles fits in so well with werewolves.

For ages I thought I was a total freak for being so obsessed with werewolves, but it’s just because I relate to them so damn much. Mystery solved, I can go back to my fanfic in peace.

Tldr; Werewolves are good ADHD rep and you won’t change my mind.

[urghost-andurboo]

accessibility products i’m in love with

eye buy direct in general - just ordered pink tinted lenses to see if they help with light/screen time migraine triggers

triple bristle tooth brush

shower chair

large rolly cart for groceries and laundry

comfy shoes

ninja blender

costco pre packaged snacks (especially clif kids bars, guacamole cups, yogurt and yogurt drinks. trying to like trail mix and cheese sticks but it’s def forced at this point)

salt lamp, string lights, nightlights, lamps

lower brightness feature on roku tv display

weighted blanket

comfort objects, very in love with small stuffed animals right now

multiple journals and many pens

tarot deck and book

tent

coloring books

really just. books. i love books so much

organizing my house to be adhd and spoonie friendly (this is a work in progress but basically putting things as close as possible to where i actually use them)

simplifying my wardrobe and relying on a specific set of clothing that fits different sensory needs while still matching my style enough (also a work in progress)

social media in general. tumblr for memes and silly expressions of my thoughts. messenger, signal, snapchat, text for pictures or just talking or making plans. zoom and teleparty and facetime and phone calls for hanging out. reddit for disability and queer’s very vague sense of solidarity. i hate instagram but i might start using it again for sharing artwork.

ipad

youtube, academic journals, google, books for learning health information

procreate and notability

different thicknesses of socks, lots of different kinds of shoes to slip on

a pop socket with lip balm - that way i always have chapstick bc i always have my phone

heat wrap and ice packs

yoga mat, blocks, yoga wheel

these aren’t products really but just things that help:

cats

rats

a cuddly partner and a lovely introvert roommate friend who understand + accommodate my access needs

physical touch in general

financial stability, stability in general — generous grad student financial aid and good insurance from my parents

being part time in school

acupuncture

therapy (individual and group)

psychiatry, neurology, endocrinology

general self knowledge, empathy, compassion

knowing what makes my pain worse and better. knowing that chronic illness is an illness that i can’t control. i can make it easier but i can’t make it go away. accepting and appreciating that life is worth living always, despite the rough times.

being forced to stay at home because of pandemic

i made a little box of low spoon activities to do (a crossword book, coloring books, tarot deck, kids book)

i made another smaller box with a little journal, a pen, one comfort object and one stim toy, and two pill bottles — one for holding positive affirmations and another for putting away dark thoughts (i feel like dried herbs could amplify this actually. i’m thinking rosemary and chamomile, for remembering kind words and soothing energy for first pill bottle, and garlic for banishing bad thoughts for the other.) ((side note: i think it would be such a fun project to apply herbalism/kitchen witchcraft to dnd magic items and spells))

special interests, media in general

hobbies

creativity

school is something i care about and want to learn about and like learning about. and it’s directly applicable to a career i’m interested in. and it is online which is so helpful

living outside of the city - it is so quiet and we have so much space

things i want:

to find my headphone charger so i can use my favorite headphones again 🥺

extras of everything. but especially pens and another glucose monitor

more chapstick

continuous glucose monitor !!!!!

headphones i can sleep in

a cushion that somehow makes sitting on the floor comfortable (is that a thing?)

more organizational space. maybe just shelves that fit in the hall closet!!! or just intentionally organizing things using the storage things we already have

easier access to migraine meds

to not have the looming anxiety of losing insurance and therefore access to meds and treatment that have allowed me to make my life so comfortable

[theworldasiveseenit]

Autism asks 1-50. For 50, what do you look like?

How old were you when you found out you were autistic? 27

Do you have any other autistic people in your family? Or are you the only one? Probably but no clear diagnosis

Do you have any comorbidities? Or just autism? I probably have adhd, more to come diagnosis in progres.

Are you LGBTQIA+? Bi and Non-Binary... so yes.

What do you wish more people knew about autism? That we can speak for ourselves about our sexual orientation and gender identity (specifically the autigender piece!)

Have you ever been in a relationship? Yes

Do you find it hard to make friends? not casual friends, but I don't make close friends.

If you have any, what are your special interests? Star Wars (specifically the bad ass ladies of Star Wars like Princess Leia), Rubik's cubes, Legend of Zelda, Twin Peaks, and Horror Movies

What was your first special interest? Star Wars

What are your most common stims? "The Calculator" whenever I think hard, my right hand moves like it is on a keyboard. Odd head movements. And a noticeable handshake

If you could give any advice to your younger self, what would it be? You are autistic, and stimming is awesome!

Do you headcanon any characters as autistic? If you want, tell us why you headcanon them as autistic. Uhhhh, Barney Stinson from How I met your Mother and Archer from Archer

Tell us an autistic person that you really look up to. I don't really have one. I don't look up to people.

Are you currently in school? Nope (Thank the Goddess)

Have you ever received any accommodations for your autism in either school or work? I am allowed to wear noise-canceling headphones or ear defenders at work and to work from home when needed.

Do you have any autistic friends? Yes, quite a few.

Do you own any stim toys? Which is your favorite? SOOOO MANY!!!! Rubik's cubes are my go to.

Do you find it easier to get along with other autistic people? I find I like them better, but I get along fine with allistics because I was raised as one.

What kinds of things are sensory hell for you? Loud noises, touches with people I don't know, screechy sounds, and wet cloths (even like a few drops of liquid on clothes and I have to change)

What kinds of things are good sensory wise? Being in water, controlled sounds (like tv shows I've seen a billion times), the smell of a book, the feel of skin of someone I like (not romantically but like as a human person)

How open are you usually when it comes to being autistic? Well, I presented my autistic experience at work to my coworkers and started a whole ablism employee resource group so I guess a little open?

Would you say you're proud to be autistic? Fuck yeah!

What's the longest you've ever had a special interest for? My whole life basically, Star Wars!

Do you have meltdowns? Yes.

What about shutdowns? Also Yes.

Do you avoid eye contact? I want to but I reflexively don't because of being hit a lot while growing up for not doing it. I'm getting better at not making eye contact for my comfort.

Do you have any vocal stims or echolalia? Yeah, I like to sing specific songs (Happy Ending from Ana and the Apocolypse and I don't want to be an Asshole Anymore by the Menzingers(

How long do your special interests usually last for? About 2 years

Are your friends and/or family accepting of your autism? Friends yes, family not really.

Favorite canon autistic character? Uhhhhh, none.

Do you have a comfort item? If you feel comfortable with it, then show it to us. My Lucky little Chicken. He is a little stuffed animal that goes everywhere with me.

What are your same foods? Pepsi and Cheerios (not together though)

Foods you are sensitive to (maybe because of bad texture for instance)? Peppers, not the flavor but the texture. I cook with them in the food but I can't eat them. Onions if they are too smooth. Tomatoes. Oh man, this list goes on for a while so I'll just say if it feels smooth in my mouth, It is the end of the meal.

Do you enjoy hugs? Or are they sensory hell? I love hugs, but only if I know you.

Have you ever used a weighted blanket? Yeah, I love it.

Do you have routines that you have to follow? What's in your routine? Everything is routine. Wake up at 5:15 AM, get out of bet at 7:30 AM, work at 8:00 AM. Everything is scheduled I'm not going to keep going here.

Do you enjoy holidays or are they sensory hell to you? Holidays are the best... but then I'm Wiccan and my coven celebrates in ritual that is very structured and controlled.

How good are you at detecting sarcasm? Is this sarcasm? Because no.

What's the most comfortable/sensory friendly outfit you own? I have about 2 dozen black Calvin Cline shallow v-neck black shirts and 6 pairs of perfectly cut Lucky Jeans. Stretch fit Columbia belt. and slippers.

Do you collect anything related to your special interest? Rubiks cubes, I have so many.

If you date people then would you prefer to date other autistic people? I prefer people with ADHD, the Autistic status is unimportant.

Tell us something about your special interest. My best Ao5 (average of five) 3x3 rubiks cube time is 13 seconds. It was a good day and I doubt I'll ever get that fast again

If you could have any item related to your special interest what would it be? The new Moyu AI cube

Who are your favorite autistic bloggers? Say something nice about them. I don't really have any. Don't have time for that.

Favorite autistic celebrity? The guy from Prison Break and DC legends of tomorrow. Wentworth Miller.

Are you generally a loud or quiet person? Both? Yes Both.

Do you happy flap? Yes, but I'm still working on not holding it back reflexively.

What is your favorite special interest related item you own? Show it to us if you want. My X-man Tornado V2, its a cube you don't need a picture

What's something you find hard to do because of autism? Connecting with people.

Free question. Ask anything you want! Any topic at all! Right now my hair is really short because it was bothering me and the clothes are listed above. I'm white, and just generic I guess.

[babysizedfics]

I know the dark sides kinda accidentally bullied Virgil for regressing but did they know/realise that he has autism? Did they know how to help his sensory issues or did he just have to try and cope himself?

EDIT 31 oct 2020: this info is slightly outdated now as i have decided vee does not get diagnosed until he is 14

This is a little bit heavy so scroll past if u want fluffy happy stuff!! mention of internalised ableism

Janus was basically his father so yeah he definitely knew Vee was autistic and accommodated him to the best of his ability at the time - but he wasn't the most educated on the smaller aspects of autistic life, he knew the big things like meltdowns (which he was adequate at getting virgil through) and stimming (he actively encouraged it but did tease virgil about being embarrassed about it which only made v more embarrassed) and vee not liking certain textures or bright lights (not necessarily an issue in their house) but he wasn't that aware of the things that go unnoticed like small sensitivities to food and poor emotional regulation and other things i can't think of atm.

He was guilty of thinking Vee was simply picky and fussy as a child and didn't really click that it was just another part of being autistic and should have been taken more seriously. Also Janus thought it was standard for Virgil to have a proper meltdown every week, but once vee moves to the light sides its more like once every 4 weeks because its a much more accommodating environment

Also he is canonically pretty selfish, I'm not sure he would have actually sat down to research accounts of autism from autistic peoples persoectives, he probably researched just the standard medical info and considered that enough

(quickly mentioning here that janus is not bitter that virgil left. he was at first but when he saw how much better virgil was doing in the other house he was satisfied that virgil was where he belonged, even if it was still upsetting to him that it wasn't with him. it's not until he wants in on the regression family dynamic that he recognises he COULD have helped virgil feel better in the dark sides house, and begins to educate himself on virgils specific needs so that he wont make the same mistakes again as nana janus)

back when vee was a child Janus explained to remus what autism is and Remus was pretty indifferent tbh he didn't really listen and janus didn't explain vee's specific needs in detail. remus was not very considerate or observant, so tended to accidentally trigger virgil's sensory overload by being loud and stuff. occasionally he felt a little bad about it but would just roll his eyes - but he wouldn't do any loud pranks for at least a few hours after. he never made things harder for vee on purpose out of cruelty, he just wasn't necessarily willing to adapt his behaviour for the sake of virgil if it meant he wouldn't personally have as much fun.

as much as janus knew how to get virgil through a meltdown, virgil had to deal with all the smaller details on his own. he had to pick certain foods off his plate and wear ear plugs when the others refused to turn down the volume on their horror movies and he struggled a lot with internalised ableism because no one helped him with these things so he thought it would be burdensome for him to ask for help but he also realised he wasnt coping well on his own and really wanted help, he just wouldnt let himself ask for it

in conclusion, they were aware of his autism and didnt make fun of it in any way because thats mean. Still, they weren't very educated on it or considerate at the time and didn't adapt the environement much to make it easier for virgil to cope, which is one of the things that led up to virgil moving out

I want to point out again that these are realistic experiences that explore a family who did not have the tools to effectively make things easier for Vee at the time, it is not abuse and it is not "unsympathetic", though it was undereducated and inconsiderate - A lot of the reason things were so bad in the house was because the dark sides just dont communicate effectively.

janus and remus are awkward with feelings, their idea of a heart to heart is grumbling a slight reassurance veiled in 8 layers of sarcasm then immediately calling each other names to brighten the atmosphere. theyre the friends who say they thoroughly hate you when you make them laugh and they threaten to decapitate each other as a form flattery. and they dont need to change that about thrmselves, some people are just like that, to janus and remus thats their favourite way of communicating and showing affection and it makes them happy. its just a bad match with virgil who is very sensitive to even the slightest insinuation that someone doesnt like him. janus and remus arent bad people they just are not the right people for virgil to live with

I am basing this specific storyline/concept on my experiences with my family and their gradual acceptance and understanding of me being autistic. Yes it would be nice if every family instantly knew exactly how to make things easier for someone who is autistic but it's just not always that idealistic. It's not black and white, it's not either 100% supportive or 100% abusive. it's not always a linear line, sometimes families make mistakes and accidentally make things worse at some point, but what matters is they recognise and acknowledge them, apologise sincerely, educate themselves and unlearn misconceptions, and work to be better in the future!

[insanetwocubes]

So what exactly is so hard that you can’t do without?!

I need to spend time alone for extended periods of time in order to recuperate from the sensor overload of every day life!

...So? How is... I mean. You don’t... You already do that.

I need people to understand I don’t look at them when they’re talking because of sensory problems, not to be rude.

...I .... don’t know how to solve that for you.

I need people to understand that I’m not doing things on purpose to piss them off.

...I... again.... I....

Don’t know how to solve it. Well, this is my proposition.

I don’t think it will solve it.

Me, either. It’s the first step.

Lyke I don’t understand, what, are you lyke gonna wear an “I love my autistic self” t shirt and then what?

Then people will know without me having to tell them.

Then people will /know./

Flare, that’s the fucking point!

That is the fucking point!

Flare! What are you so scared of!

I’m not fucking stupid! And I’m not disabled! And I’m not some vegetable who isn’t able to achieve her dreams!

You’re! Not! Able! To! 

Yeah, I am!

Are.... are you against me?

No, of course not....

....

Then why would you say that.

Because I think the only way to get where we want to go is to utilize accommodations. Take advantage of things that already exist so we can thrive.

We don’t need those.

I do.

No, you don’t.

Yes, I do.

No. You’re better than that.

*facepalms* It’s not about being better, Flarichka.

Then I don’t understand.

I’m trying to explain.

Then explain it again.

....

Okay. Where do I start? Are you even listening?

*shrugs* I don’t know.

I mean... we’re not....

What.

Vegetables.

No.

.....

Okay.

We can do some things.

Yeah! We can do some things!

But we can’t do it all.

....

Pf. Do you think we can do it all? Alone?

.... kinda.

I think. Here’s the way I see it, right. I started out fronting wanting to do it all.

...

And it’s been a few years. And not much really happened.

....

What. What do you say to that?

What? No, nothing. It’s probably lyke bad luck. You didn’t get the right opportunity yet. You can still do it. Just too many things keep getting in the way.

Like what?

Uh.

Like what?

Uhm.

Why haven’t I done it all already?

.... 

Say it!

I don’t know! I don’t know! I don’t know!

Flare. Am I lesser-than?

Of course not.

You’re- you’re the best, most amazing thing that ever happened to me.

Thanks. So. If I’m so amazing, then what happened? If I’m really so much better than the rest of them?

Of course you are so much better than them.

Then what happened?

I don’t know. Problems. Mental problems. We’re fucked up.

What mental problems specifically?

I don’t know. Depression? 

Hasn’t been me.

Inability to effectively communicate with them? They keep pushing us off course.

Good. Good. I can’t talk to them properly, right? It results in a lot of problems?

Yeah, but... I can’t change you. And I can’t change them. So I don’t know. I’m sorry. We’re just in the wrong world.

No, no, don’t be sorry.

...then what?

So you said you can’t change me.

I don’t want to. You’re the best as you are.

I know lol So what’s the problem?

With what?

Why do we clash?

Misunderstandings? Distaste? 

So why is this communication thing important?

Well If you could just get them out of the way and find people you’re on the same page with, it will all be good. Right?

Exactly. So this communication thing is important. Yet misunderstandings happen. So why do you think misunderstandings happens?

Well, like you mentioned a lot of the time they think you’re doing something intentionally when it’s just an accident.

Why do they think I’m doing something intentionally? People make social faux pas’s all the time.

Well, the things that you’re competent at don’t match up with the mistakes. Lyke to them they’re not on the same level.

So why do they think that?

Well-

....

Uh.

Why do they think that, Flare.

Because.... we’re just different, I guess?

Okay. Let’s say we’re just different.

Okay.

But the communication thing is a problem.

Communication is something we can get better at.

Flare. Focus.

It’s relevant.

I thought you said I was the best just as I am.

You are.

Then how could I have room to improve in order for us to /function./

Uh.

Back on track now. So let’s see what we have. We’re different. That’s okay. But they’re the majority. And we have communication problems.

Right.

But it’s not a normal thing to have communication problems. Is it?

.....I don’t know. Why are we comparing ourselves to other people anyway? We’re different.

Yeah, we’re different, but we have goals that need achieving.

....okay.

And we need them to be able to achieve it.

.... okay- But do we really? Can’t we just do everything alone?

Can we?

N.....I... guess...not......

That’s.... strange. We should be able to.

I know.

But something is missing.

I know.

It’s lyke. All these things that other people do. We can match them intellectually but when it comes to ability....

That’s...

Something is off, right? We’re kinda different. Aren’t we.

Y....yeah.

So what’s.... up with that?

Our brain just doesn’t match up, Flare.

I mean we’re not dumb.

No, we’re not.

So... what.... happened?

Nothing happened. We’re just a little different.

I’m not being punished or anything.... right?

Nope.

So why....

Born that way. I think.

Either way, it doesn’t matter.

....

Can we accept that we’re just a little different?

I guess. 

So. Okay so should we... lyke...how.... what....?

*nods* Yeah.

Do you think that will help?

I don’t know but I think.... the problem is important enough and strong enough that we need to start taking advantage of the humans’ ability to..... bridge gaps in ability lol

But lyke. How is that fair?

Why does it have to be fair?

Cuz I’d feel guilty?

Don’t.

Uhm lol.

Do you feel like you’re incurring a debt you can’t repay?

Yes! Exactly!

Right. So what debt? We already acknowledged that we need them. Or did you change your mind?

I guess.... we do need them.

I know.

....Hm.

So we need them then we need them, isn’t it.

It’s just not.... a normal thing... y’know?

Yeah, but we’re different. Even if just a little. (Or a lot.)

I.... okay. I kinda get where you’re coming from.

~Flare

Eyyyy. Good talk, Flarichka. I love you.

~Four

[camp-counselor-life]

Working at camp with autism

I’ve gone back and forth on writing this post. Sometimes people can be...less than kind on the internet. But I do want to share this post with you, especially since it is autism acceptance month.

I am autistic. I am pretty good at masking and most people don’t suspect anything until I tell them. A lot of kids like me because I’m “weird like them” and adults just think I’m quirky or eccentric, and really enthusiastic about camp. Camp and Girl Scouts developed into a special interest over the years, and I was lucky that I was able to work them into my life even when they didn’t fit well and eventually make a career out of it.

Is it possible to work at camp if you are autistic? Yes, it is. You do need to consider what that will look like for you though. Some things to consider are:

Consistent schedules and routines. From meals to weekly all-camps, there are routines and rhythms to camp. I also describe camp as chaos sometimes, which is it, but there are often still underlying routines that I have found to be helpful. I feel like many camps have this, but there are probably exceptions.

Accommodating sensory needs. Some sensory needs are harder for camps to accommodate than others. For food, there may be different options (one summer I ate PB&Js for 1-2 meals a day), and most camps will let you bring your own to supplement, same as they would for vegans or allergies. Sunscreen was an issue for me, so I wore a lot of layers and did activities in the shade. But everyone is different.

Break time. My camp does one two-hour break a day. Co-counselors will usually let you tap out for a couple of minutes if you need to, but not necessarily all the time.

Communication with co-counselors. As a counselor, I usually preferred to not have a co-counselor but instead have a small group of kids (area-wise small camps, we weren’t far away from others and I had a walkie talkie if we were). Sometimes peer communication is difficult for me, so this worked out well. As ad-staff, I was in a supervisor role and that changed the dynamic of communication a bit. But considering how you would approach some scenarios.

Stims. I’ve seen that many younger kids either ignore stims or just move on. My CITs have never said anything. I’m not around the middle school age range a lot, so I can’t really say what their response is. I haven’t had many comments from staff either to be honest. But every camp is different.

ADA accommodation s. Workplaces, at least in the US, are legally required to provide reasonable accommodations. The meaning of this is flexible. However, if you have a disability such as autism, you can get accommodations to help you do your job. It varies on what this looks like. I haven’t gotten accommodations for autism specifically, but I have for other disabilities. At camp I only asked to be able to carry an anxiety medication with me for panic attacks, which was in my backpack with me at all times and locked. In my current position I also get scheduling flexibility. Your accommodations will look different depending on your individual needs and the camp. You can read about ADA accommodations here.

The general camp counselor concerns - sleep, stress, children being children, etc

Please remember, you’ve heard from me, but I am one autistic person. I do not speak for all autistic people and they may have had different camp experiences than mine. I have never been to a camp specifically for autistic people, nor have I worked at one. If you’ve had a different experience working at camp, that’s also valid. 

Also, disclosure is a very personal decision. I have disclosed my autism to one person at work, despite disclosing my other disability to many others. I have a lot of friends that I haven’t told as well. It’s up to you whether you want to disclose a disability or other health concern at work.

I wrote this post last year with some suggestions of helping your autistic campers be successful at your camp. It’s here.

And, in closing, it’s autism acceptance month, Autism $peaks is not a good organization, don’t “light it up blue,” and use #redinstead.

[and-i-uh]

6? 22? Any other number you wanted to answer?

6- i dont have any stim toys, ive never really delved into that stuff, i was never really given the chance to explore stuff that would help me out with stimming and such. I also dont think i would like stim toys? Maybe i just have to try some but idk.

22- idk any specific songs i stim to. But ive stimmed while listening to mcr, and honestly i just stim to alot of the general songs i listen to. I really like singing along, i think thats a stim of mine, and some songs just listening to them is like stimming (anything with drums and/or guitars)

2- i like blankets a lot. Even if im hot and dont really need one, ill subconsciously grab the blanket on the couch and put it on my lap, and on my bed. There was one day i grabbed a pocket-sized beanie baby and put itin my hoodie pocket, and just knowing it was there made me happy. Also when i was with my friends one of them stuck their hands in my pocket and i panicked and like moved it out of their reach bc i was scared to get made fun of lol, it ended up being fine. I sleep with stuffed animals a lot. I think thats it

3- my school experiences were,,, not fun at all. Theres a lot to unpack there. My schools all had this thing called a “504 plan” or whatever. And it’s supposed to help people with certain disorders/disabilities. Mine only acknowledged my adhd as far as i know. Maybe my anxiety too. Some of the things that were supposed to ‘help’ were moving me to the front of the room, i got extended time to complete stuff (supposedly), extended time on certain tests (which i only saw on the act, literally i got no other extended time to do anything else. And after i got extended time on the act my scores shot up. Imagine the potential if i was given my actual extended time shit) and the meetings were hell. They started to have meetings with me in middle school, sixth grade i think. Having an administrator there, and my parents, and at least one teacher was terrifying to me. I think i cried every meeting. Honestly it felt like an interrogation to me, esp with all the damn eye contact and shit. My dad asked me if i wanted to continue it this year and i was immediately like fuck no nuh uh not happening. And whether or not I actually needed to be in the front of the room depended on the class, teacher, the people in there, but a lot of the time i would just be moved to the front and i would hate it. In eighth grade my math teacher moved me from the back of the room (a favorite seat in that class) to the front of the room in the middle of class for like a week. It was honestly humiliating and the only time i was eventually able to express my opinion on the 504 shit. Actually my freshman math teacher did that too. Ahaha moving on now before this gets too long.

4/5- three negative and positive things about being autistic.

Pros-

(1) i dont really have a chance to not have a hobby. Ive always got an interest to keep me entertained and i like that.

(2) stimming is nice, i like it, im not afraid to let myself stim. Makes me feel better.

(3) im unique and shit. I have a different pov than other people and that allows me to have different ways of thinking. I think outside the box ig. I also have this weird version of confidence and objectivity that I appreciate in myself

Cons-

(1) its hard to feel like i belong somewhere, bc im so different. Im getting better at it but im not good at getting close to people.

(2) i also like,, dont have certain permanence? Like object permanence? A lot of the time i dont really miss things/people unless im somewhere that reminds me of them. Idk if it’s negative really but its something,, even a spin, like bts, i dont really miss them that much until i do. Theyre still very important to me but yeah

(3) people dont really get me the same way other people get other people. And its hard for me to explain it to people. And theres certain people i get more than others. Its weird.

7- people need to give autistics a chance to be heard. Apply the accommodations you “give” them. Dont put them in the spotlight and give them space when needed. We are what you might call “picky” too. Eating, learning, socializing, we have our own things we need to be able to do shit. Learn them. Let us stim. Encourage us to learn about ourselves and remind us that youre there for us. But dont try to help us unless we ask or we actually need help. Dont trigger meltdowns on purpose, stop using the r word even in passing like its not a big deal. Be more than aware of us, accept us, appreciate us. Dont be a bystander.

8- i dont have much experience with meltdowns? I think? If i have i didnt have chances to recover. I had to go back to class or something. Idk how to recognize them in me either.

10- showering. Thats a big thing that even though i kinda need i forget to do. Except during school. I had a whole routine in the morning and i was super punctual. If i didnt shower i would be late, miss the bus, forget something.

12- meat. The way it feels. Disgusting. How do people eat it and not feel like dying? Same with lettuce. Spinach is fine but every time i try to eat lettuce I almost throw up. Bell peppers, pickles, vinegar, mayo, eggs usually, cheese sometimes. Just off the top of my head. One time i tried putting lettuce on my burger, was feeling adventurous, and after biting down i had to just take the lettuce off. Another time, my stepmom (newly married to my dad) made slads for us, and i was skeptical. There was white stuff all over the salad and she wouldnt tell me what it was. I tried eating a little carrot stick thing and almost vomited. Thats when she learned I cannot eat mayo. Even if idk that its mayo i still cant fuckin eat it. She forced me to eat bell peppers one time. Didnt go well at all. At all.

(Not gonna do the spin one bc ive already talked about them and if i do again itll be too long)

15- yes! I only do big stuff(?)(like yelling n shit) when im completely alone. Like if im home alone. Bc i get so loud. Sometimes ill hum in my room or sing to myself in my room though. Its so fun. As for phrases i repeat, ill repeat anything i find interesting. In a movie or song, or even something a friend said. One time my mom said the phrase “tough titty said the kitty but the milks still good” and i went around the kitchen repeating it until she got annoyed. Also sometimes something in the room will have a constant sound and ill like think a phrase to that sound repeatedly. Idk how to explain it lol. Idk if thats echolalia either

16- rocks. Typical i know, collecting rocks. But i just cant help it. I see a rock i like, i pick it up, take it home. I used to collect sticks. And when i was in elementary school, i used to pick shit up off the playground. Beer bottle caps was a favorite. Apparently the school called my mom about it bc they found my stash and thought it was from home and my parents were drinking excessively. 😬 oops

18- introverted?

19- kinda depends. Idk. I really cant tell wow. I would probably say hypersensitive. Just cause i have a ton of sensory issues and a lot of stuff bothers me. Like types of clothes. And how things are resting on my body. Yeah i guess i am hypersensitive.

20- i used to struggle with self love a lot. And sometimes i still kinda do. But in the past few years ive really started appreciating myself and trying to learn a lot about myself. Its going well id say.

21- empathy. Hmm. I think im very empathetic, actually. I can always tell when someone is feeling uncomfortable in a situation. And when i should tell people to back off of them if they wont say it themselves. And im very uncomfortable when theres secondhand embarrassment. And bullying, in something im watching or reading. Yknow, I actually cant watch mean girls. I just. I tried, i had to walk away bc I couldn’t take it. It also kinda triggers me so theres that. Bc of the bullying. But yeah im very empathetic. Otherwise socially im not good at that.

23- nope. Ive got like no support system other than tumblr and online friends. Apparently my dad refused to acknowledge im autistic and hes my favorite parent. Thats his big flaw though. And if i “came out” to him and said it myself he would probably come around. I know hes not completely nt either. My Opa has ocd, so nuerodiversity runs in the family ig.

While making this i got distracted and went on insta for like an hour oops lol

24- steampunk cosplay? Or college dorm tips? The steampunk one was freshman year, and the college dorm one was fifth grade. It lasted well into sixth grade and seventh grade.