#I keep forgetting shes gone
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Me: Yes! Chaos Theory! Can’t wait🎉🎉🎉 Just three days!
Also me: Remembers Brooklynn’s dead* Maybe can wait🥲
#I keep forgetting shes gone#I hope she pulls a ben#jurassic world camp cretaceous#jurassic world chaos theory#chaos theory#jwcc#jwct#jwctcountdown#jwcc sammy#jwcc yaz#jwcc ben#brooklynn jwcc#jwcc darius#jwcc kenji
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Odypen definitely and equivalently adore each other BUT I weirdly can't see them as the type to actually say "I Love you".
They still definitely vocalize their love for each other but it's more so in "My Joy", and "Extraordinary Woman", "Strange Woman/Man", etc. And very cheesy lines (both say some cheesy shit in the Odyssey, and he definitely does in the Iliad as well. "Joy like a drowning sailor seeing land" bit???)
I could see "I adore you" but even then, that's probably during very specific moments but the actual "I love you"??? I just typed it just now for fic shit and... It weirdly just didn't feel right and I don't know why. 😅
Idk maybe it's kind of because I see them as over the top in ways, they love wordplay and riddles and I think they'd almost think "...That's not good enough >:( " about it??? I don't know???😂
#I wrote this last night. I'll do the asks I got later. don't worry! :D#I am the cheese god remember?😅#I think these two would try to “out-cheese” each other and whoever is left speechless first loses#“I would forget my own name before I would ever forget you” bullshit. CHEESY#And yes. “I sleep in our nest with you or outside on the dirt” stupidity >:D#I plan for Odysseus as a beggar to ask why she waits so long. As he's been gone a longer amount of time than the time they had together#(Simply asking as reassurance. He knows his answer. Calypso asked him. but what about Penelope?) but she gets mad at the#“Beggar” and pities him as he must be telling the truth about having a miserable life if he never got the chance to know such devotion#How what they have could never be sullied by#something as trivial as distance and years. How the years with him were the best in her life. Only made better by their son.#'My dear Joy made songs and poems about love a reality as that was simply the life we shared. Even separated our 'song' will always echo#no matter how long it's been. I'LL make sure it always does. And I know he's doing the same... That strange man used to say that#even if he died his corpse would drag itself back to us before he'd ever give up.'#...I'm not one for 'odyssey zombie au' but when I first heard it yeah. :'D Came up with this back then#“His eyes as hard as flint or horn-” Bullshit! The sad lil fuck is hiding sobs with coughs and telling her to keep away for fear of her#catching whatever “illness” he has. The nice thing about being disguised as old means sickly old man works.#...#I'm noticing that Odysseus has a lot of silly oneliners while I write Penelope with a shit ton of set up :'D#They are so silly and I love them so much#...I wrote a lot :'D#Mad rambles#shot by odysseus#my headcanons#odypen#yahoo!!!#sometimes I wonder if I should tag this with more things but I don't want to taint the regular tags with my bullshit :'D I KNOW I'm insane
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(OG post has Reblogs turned off. You can find it here!)
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Thinking. Abt this but with Bones. Like. Post-Tholian Web? Post-Mirror Mirror?
For AOS, could be after Into Darkness and/or Beyond.
A Bones who's just. So anxious. So stressed. So overwhelmed that it starts taking a toll on his health. Maybe he doesn't even realise - or maybe he does and tries his best to push through it until it knocks him on his ass. Kind of in the vein of "You don't actually know how tired you are until you stop. And then you just physically cannot start again." It becomes his new baseline, a problem that just brews and storms in the distance.
And he just carries on. And keeps going and going and going until one day he realises that 'Oh fuck, I'm not okay' and has about 5 seconds of warning before he straight up collapses, doesn't matter if it's on the bridge, in the madbay, on a planet - he's going down. (Maybe a repeat of Tholian Web where he just straight up faints into Spock's arms? Full whammy, why not)
Maybe it's a high-tension situation getting resolved that does it. The pure relief of it reminds him of how tired he is. How tired he's been for a while. His body sees that momentary rest and goes "More of that, please. And I'm not asking."
And he's so rendered by it that he doesn't grumble about being coddled like he normally would when he wakes up. He knows not to fuck with the medbay staff - they're just as firm as he is on recovery, and that's not by accident - and he knows that Spock and Kirk will be hovering, because they see any problem as something they, too, should shoulder the burden of.
...And because they're some of the most protective people in the damned universe. And that goes for pretty much all the people on board the Enterprise.
In some scenarios, it's just a case of letting his body and mind rest properly. In others, there's a lot more recovery involved than anyone initially expects. Luckily for him, he has a found family who are determined to be there with him at every step. It just takes a couple reminders, every once in a while.
#leonard bones mccoy#star trek tos#star trek aos#whump#back on my bullshit#aos bones fretting over Jim and Spock and their injuries; completely forgetting that hes also a little worse for wear#thinking back to dustykneed's post abt him being fucked up and grieving after ST:ID and. Lets just make it even more physical#After the issues they face from that; Spirk are more aware of Bones' tendency to brush things off. are more equipped to take care of him#when he needs it; just as he does for them. He's so stubbornly self sufficient and it worries them. But they're equally as stubborn and#loving. Unstoppable Force meets Immovable Object. I feel like post ST:ID is where they kind of Learn that Bones keeps shit on the down low#Because like. Bones will complain. Unless it's smth that's just affecting him. And then he suddenly keeps it to himself. When he complains#abt that whole fiasco he complains abt Jim dying. Abt Spock almost dying on that planet. About how they all almost died. But he doesn't tal#about how HE almost died from that fucking torpedo almost blowing up on him. Not a word. Jim forgot it had even happened until like. Carol#brings it up in passing. Maybe she has nightmares on the incident. But he realises Bones has just NEVER fucking mentioned it despite him#being the master complainer. That sets off the first alarm bells. And then maybe Uhura asks Jim how Bones is doing bc she knows that Bones#would just say he's fine. But Jim is like ??? Bc why wouldn't Bones be okay. And then she realises that HE HASN'T realised that Bones is th#kind of motherfucker to suffer in silence. and she's like Jim. Jim he literally ran himself to the ground trying to revive you. Jim. Are yo#kidding me have you NOT TALKED ABOUT THAT??? ANY OF IT??? Thus... Jim realises or maybe even Remembers what Bones is like#bc maybe at some point he DID know Bones well enough to know when he's fucking himself over. But all the Bullshit that theyve gone through#and the fact they work in entirely different parts of the ship kind of. Alienated them a bit. And suddenly hes like. Oh. Oh No. Oh FUCK.#because Jesus how the FUCK does he even approach this. But he manages it. And Spock gets in on it too as he slowly gets to know the doctor#And then post-beyond its like. Yeah. All three of them gang up on each other. That includes Spock and Kirk making sure Bones is as Fine as#he always says he is.#anyway. Yeah. I just think Bones probably stresses and overthinks too much but god forbid anyone comfort him. Self sacrificing bastard#wow this is a lot of alphabet soup im so sorry AHAHA
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Got some terrible news on Friday, and needed to draw something that made me happy to straighten my thoughts. Started this last night, but am not really happy with it. So I'm going to work on it off and on until it looks right to me. I'll post the full picture when I do.
#fanart#wip#Sky: Children of the Light#Sky: CotL#Season of Performance#Modest Dancer#Forgetful Storyteller#Forgetful Storyteller x Modest Dancer#Sky shipping#Performance spirits#someone I knew from work had passed away and we didn't find out until Friday#so my emotions have been all over the place#REALLY sad that she's gone#sad I never got to say goodbye#angry that my friend's daughter fucking ABANDONED HER and wanted to keep people from visiting her#not to mention that I kept a full breakdown bottled up after hearing the news#so if I go inactive art-wise I apologize#getting to hang out with friends in Sky helped me feel a little better though
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trying to keep all my clemviminnie thoughts contained until i get to episode 3 but
its hard
#telltale was CRAZY for this btw!! the drama of it all ALWAYS gets me#violet blaming herself for her gf/minnies death. clem helps her open up again. starts dating clem. finds out minnie is still alive?#saved violet telling clem she has nothing to worry about and she'll fight minnie if she has to to keep clem and her loved ones safe#kidnapped violet getting brain poisoned by minnie into turning against clem after feeling betrayed and abandoned by her#saved vi shooting minnie to save clem!!!!!!!!! but cant leave minnie behind because she already left her once and she cant do it again#vi begging minnie to stop trying to fucking kill them but shes too far gone. the 3 of them fight to the DEATH!!!#now add all that to the parallels and dark mirrors going on between clem and minnie in the A plot like the tension is off the charts#plus the parallels you can draw between clem and vi but those are less “you are my dark mirror” and more “we are the same i understand you”#HOW are the girlies not still talking about this#you know what i partially blame myself i dont talk about it enough either. i forget how many things ive left in my wips folder sometimes#UGH its all so good violets route just ads so much Flavor to the clem/minnie plotline its Delicious i couldnt imagine it Not being there#i neeeeeeeed to draw them fighting and being gay and maybe bloody even#if u cant tell i really want to get back to that wip i posted a few weeks ago but im Trying to Restrain Myself#i love forcing myself to take things slow sometimes really makes the brain shift into overdrive#twdg#violentine#it speaks
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hmmmm having angsty Lights Out thoughts
#i know when i post about it i usually make it Lighthearted if not outright Memey#but oh boy. this au is dark. like - like beyond the literal meaning#imagine being abandoned by your creators without so much as a warning#one day the lights go out and thats it. no answers. no comfort. no friendly faces or explanation#show's over. curtains closed. doors locked. they're all gone#it's just waiting in a pitch black room because surely the lights will turn back on. the next day will come#but it Won't. the next day won't come. it will never come. your friends won't open their eyes again. it's just you now.#you've always had company - friends and the comfort of feeling Watched Over by something beyond your understanding#but you blinked and its gone now. it's just you. no matter what you try or what you do - its. just. you.#days and weeks and moths and years of silence and a complete lack of color#burning matches down to your fingertips just to remember what shade of yellow your fleece is#its still wrong. firelight stains the color.#slowly forgetting the sound of your friends voices and what their smiles looked like and what the memories you made with them were#what was your best friends favorite joke? what was his hotdog order? how did he laugh? he used to pose for your paintings didnt he?#you can't be sure anymore. maybe the neighborhood was always dead. maybe You're dead. how can you tell?#you don't breathe. they don't either. they used to didn't they? you never did but they used to. ...right? you hope their dreams are sweet#one of your friends starts sleepwalking. you're so happy. she hurts you. you know she didnt mean it. you're scared anyway.#you can only see with one eye now. it feels... Wrong. all of your chalk drawings start coming out wrong too.#you keep missing when you reach for things. just one more thing to adjust to#were the lights ever on? or was that your own dream? you thought that was something you couldnt do.#you also thought the lights always come back. you were wrong about that. what else are you wrong about?#wh lights out au#wailing sobbing screaming etc over lights out wally... this poor little 12 apples dude...#aimlessly wandering through the town... walking through the buildings....#eventually getting so fucking lonely and desperate that you keep your best friend's severed arm for comfort#all you can do is protect your eternally sleeping friends from the Things crawling out of the shadows#mark another tally on the ground for each full circle the town clock's short hand completes#and wait for the day you fall asleep and join your friends dreams. it will happen someday.#you can feel it in the pitch seeping from your eyes and mouth. more with each decade that passes#just a little while longer. some more waiting. just you. in the dark.
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I need people to understand that my hyperfixation ships are limited to one thing: a man who is usually in full control of himself meeting 1 woman and losing complete and utter control over absolutely everything he does.
I just like to watch when they go full feral for a woman who could literally chew them up and spit them out, but choses to let them stick around because I don't know, it's nice to have someone carrying their bag or whatever.
#red queen#mare did this twice over so she gets double points#this is why I adore Marecal#I am forever feral over the line: I will protect you as long as I can#AND: I thought of you in the end I saw your face in the water#THAT MAN IS RIDICULOUS FOR THAT. He did not need to go around re-inventing love#cause I mean... man was a full blood prince with “responsibilities” and he seriously fell apart over a woman who was 5'2“#and dont even get me started On kanthony#I am unironically obsessed with the scene in the library and the line: AND IT IS NOT FAR ENOUGH#ridiculous that this man sniffed the air behind her as she walked by#like sir you are in HEAT stop it XD#and of course i could never forget about Delilah Bard and Kell Marsh#holy shit talk about a man with his life in order who met one woman and became so fucking smitten he spent a whole book low key crying#about her being gone and then getting stupidly excited over seeing her again#and then left his brother behind to go sail on a boat with her XD when she clearly only keeps him around for minimal purposes#I swear to god I went FERAL OVER “there is no where you can go” said the Antari to her prince “that I cannot follow”#SHUT UP she loves him so much😭😭😭😭😭😭 and she refused to admit it to him#a darker shade of magic#fragile threads of power
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its going great in fallen london so far
#maethyl has gone insane. in a maid outfit#<- fell into a mirror that lead me to the nightmare dimension which raised their nightmares to 'nightmares 8 - raving'#also lost all persuasion drinking the water. it dropped off the stats board#so mae has waterboarded themselves into forgetting how to speak (ties in with their lore of 'she forgor')#theyve also been paranoid this entire time and keep seeing encroaching mist in the corner of their eye <3#but something about the guests in this place make her welcome them nonetheless#lore rambling but where else do i have to do so....#maethyl fallow#fl ocs#an occurrence! you have gained 2 'new tags' - your count is now 2#fallen london
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when i die, don't look for me in the sunsets...
sirius — look for me in the sky. i know it's a cliché, but there is where you will see me. am i scared of death? no, of course not. i am endless, i am invincible, i am bright; i am the brightest star, actually. i will reach out for you, and i will light up your way. you will find me.
james — look for me in the sky. you will see the sun, bright and scorching. i will warm you up when you will grieve for me, and i will bring closure to you. i might be gone, but i haven't left you alone. i am here, still. and i always will be.
remus — look for me in the river. see the stones, smooth and cold. look at the water, running. its way is freedom, isn't it? it's all ended; it's over. however, that does not mean you can't go on. fall in love. live. without me. we'll meet again soon.
peter — look for me somewhere quiet. there is beauty in quiet, although some people can't see it. it's peaceful. come sit with me, won't you? death is imminent, of course; however, why won't we make the most of life?
dorcas — look for me in my lover's arms. i have been deceived so many times, death does not scare me anymore; it's the last bit of closure i have. look for me in the little things, where i hide. many do not see me, yet i am here. you just have to look for me.
lily — look for me at home. everything has a start and an ending, and i am always coming back. look for me where i can be myself, where everything is warm. look for me at home. maybe, one day, it will be ours to share.
mary — look for me somewhere bright. the sky, maybe. or somewhere colourful. it helps me forget how alone i am, really. i forget about the loneliness that aches in me. someday, i wish you'd search for me. for now, grieve.
marlene — look for me somewhere loud. it helps me forget. scared of death? of course, so i don't think of it. i let myself be washed away with adrenaline, pumped through my brain, and with a moment of pleasure. life is short, after all.
#aside this being an insight in the kind of people they are i think it is also an insight of the way they perceive death#sirius thinks he's for the most part invincible and endless and therefore no one can kill him#james knows he will die and he made peace with it however he does not want people to feel alone just because he's gone#remus knows people will grieve over him and he doesn't want them to. he wants them to continue living without them#peter is a bit scared of death and he would like to live to the fullest so when he doesn't die he can't regret not living#dorcas is not afraid of death and willing to welcome it if it means saving someone else from it#lily believes death and life are a circle that end/begin home and so it's her way of coming back to watch over her loved ones#mary knows she will be left alone in the end and she wants to forget it and shelter herself from grief and pain and so she tries forgetting#marlene is scared of death but would never admit it. so she keeps her mind busy. she knows she'll die but she's scared of the idea of death#anyways this got waaay too long in the tags sorry#sirius black#james potter#remus lupin#peter pettigrew#dorcas meadowes#lily evans#mary macdonald#marlene mckinnon#my writing
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oh they’re so gonna establish an Afterlife 2 where all the double dead cats have been this whole time aren’t they
#man. Man.#conceptually i don’t mind ivypool’s heart i think it’s definitely an interesting opportunity to portray a more realistic form of grief#because we just Don’t Know what happens as opposed to cat heaven being so super real#but at thesame time. ivypool was NOT close to bristlefrost and you can tell bc they’re just telling you she feels bad instead of showing u#every single time she does something they have to tell you it’s because she’s super sad lest you forget#anyway keep her GONE! or have her come back WRONG and FUCKED! not the same person!#ivypool’s heart spoilers
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grief is such a weird emotion bc i can be fine most of the time even if it think about it, but then sometimes thinking about it digs it up all over again
#in regards both to my cat and my grandma though i was mostly thinking about my grandma when i wrote this#i was fine the next day after she died bc like. it was expected. she was in hospice for several months#and a nurse had been staying with her 24/7 for the last 2 days. the nurse told us it probably wouldnt be long on the last day.#we knew it was coming so i didnt feel too bad right after it happened. it was only when the mortician showed up that it sunk in#but the next day i was fine. if she got brought up in conversation id get a bit sad but i was mostly fine after that day#and its been. like. a little more than 3 months since then#i havent been thinking about it much but idk. sometimes it just pops into your head and you get reminded that she isnt here anymore#sometimes i still feel like shes still there when i walk into that room. it still partially smells the same#i turn on the light and feel like im somewhere im not supposed to be until i realize that we cleared out her stuff months ato#you wouldnt know that someone was bedridden and in hospice in there just from looking at it#but sometimes i just get that mental image of her being in there. or when she was in a nursing facility for a time and mostly normal#when we thought she was just almost septic and not nearing the end#the stupid doorbell we had her ring when she needed something that made us all jump whenever we heard a similar sound#the fact that the last blanket she ever started crocheting is still in that room and never finished#her rocking chair that has been sitting empty for probably over a year now#the haunted lamp in what used to be her bedroom pre-hospice that keeps turning on#the fact that her cars no longer in the driveway#idk. thinking about it doesnt like. actively make me cry or anything. but it is like. a lurking feeling#like ive been aware and fine with the fact that shes gone. and has been gone#but sometimes i really... remember that shes gone#i still forget that its like. a permanent thing and that shes not just in the hospital again#i wouldnt say i feel too much grief about her dying. i feel more about my cat that died 8 years ago.#but it is a weird feeling to recognize. maybe i only felt sadder about my cat bc (to me) it was unexpected#idk.
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Day probably-twenty-something-time-isn't real: this flare is not going the fuck away. Still shitting blood. Meds aren't helping. Getting less able to stomach anything. Pain is getting worse. Can barely stand long enough to shower. Probably time to do a blood test and go to the doctor now.
#i don't wanaaaaaa#bc agoraphobia + executive dysfunction + money + hurts too much to move + 75% probability mfer will tell me to pop a painkiller huehuehuehue#inflammatory bowel disease#my sister: 'that doesn't make any sense. if you're in pain even after meds you should go to the hospital no?'#sometimes i forget that having gone no contact for four and half years means she has no idea what chronic illness is supposed to be like#(and then I remember i went NC because she didn't believe i was really sick for the years before that)#tried to explain that all the meds do is keep the inflammation manageable‚ make flares less frequent‚ and less intense than would be#and that this IS less intense than it used to be#i don't think she got it#ow#chronic illness#spoonie#ulcerative colitis#knee of huss
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I post a Tangy voice claim but it’s just a cat meowing into the microphone a bunch and then sniffing it (you hear the fur ruffling the mic and also the sniffing and purring. This is crucial.)
#day-2-day#this is a joke btw I couldn’t claim a voice even if I had a gun to my head abt it#it’s 3 am here… I’m having trouble sleeping… I’m still kinda recovering from that weird nightmare two nights back.#I can still hear/feel the leather + bone crunch is the thing that’s so off putting. the pains long gone but the sound? the sensation?#totally burned into my brain. also I think I need to put Chuu into a. thingy.#a centrifuge ! I gotta put her in one of those. the whole thing. she’s wandered too far in a direction from her starting point and I need#to wrangle her personality back where it belongs. it’s making me feel…… not great :T#I don’t desire advice about this I just keep almost saying something and bailing so if I just whisper this in the tags and then#close the app and forget about it I’ll have said my feelings in some way and I can work on the problem more actively :/#something about how I have to make up people to hold me accountable [if I say I need to do something aloud in some way it tends to make me#do it right away or soon rather than putting it off indefinitely with only myself to answer to. even if logically the person I said it aloud#to did not hear it or respond. it’s my own…. weird methods idk. it works well enough 96% of the time so I haven’t chased different avenues.]
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just played the most heinous evil little vampire man in skyrim but resurrected rogvir after his execution and recruited him as a steward for my farm so i feel very morally correct
#skyrim#i gave him some good armour and weapons too#actually it's a set of dawnguard armour because those shits keep coming after me and i collect their armour#as a trophy#and to be fair the only people i ACTUALLY killed sucked#that one bard in whiterun who talks shit about women? gone.#and then one guy from riften#maven black briar (i totally forgot i killed her in her sleep by draining her blood oops)#i forget what she does exactly but i know she's rich and kinda sketchy and my guy needed a little snack okay#and i have a dog and a pet goat#and a horse#would a bad person have a horse#i told my dog he was a good boy#i've also been using blood magic
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I honestly don't get a lot of the Janeway criticisms. 'Inconsistent.' wtf are y'all talking about.
#i don't really want to know don't tell me#imma mute this post lol#i can think of two times where i went 'wha?'#one of which is chalked up to the writers forgetting the kazon existed#everyone else did too except that one kazon guy good for him#people will also say she should have changed more and the show should have gone darker#can't keep anyone happy
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Funniest thing - "She's a voracious reader. Always has a book in her hand."
Amy read tons of crime novels to help create her plan. Nick noticed she was an avid reader, but never bothered to look at or ask her about what she was reading.
#such a cool detail#i like it better than him just not noticing anything at all during her unhinged research stage#that he never mentions her being such a fan of true crime#or suggests that might be where she got her ideas from#shows that he never looked at her books or tried to strike up a conversation about them#it would be such a natural thing for them to make small talk about given his aspirations to be a writer#so they were probably barely speaking to each other#she was just there in the house like the potted plant you keep forgetting to water#gone girl#sorry i am captivated
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