#I know I’m on some bullshit ok but just trust me

[sen-ya]

they have no right to be this tender

[piledrivemytombstones]

Why does my happy place (Tumblr for you page) have punk hate on it?

Tumblr was supposed to be the Punker (Gn) central. Haters have every other website to scream how ass he is and how hypocritical and shit he is. I don’t wanna see punk hate in every CM Punk tag

[propertyofwicked]

SECRETS part 2 - LN

lando x fewtrell!reader

no content warnings in this part, i promise the next part will have some actual fluff to it

previous part -> next part

masterlist the playlist

y/n was easily won over by chicken nuggets and a diet coke - a fact lando knew too well. both he and max had both spent almost hundreds on the food combo every time y/n was roped into one of their plans. whether she was lying to her parents to cover up where max had been all night, or even just being asked to hold a camera or a boom mic for a quadrant video, she was always rewarded with 6 chicken nuggets and a diet coke.

lando had in fact not included max in his late night plans, and very quickly made it known as to why.

“so, how’s uni?” he asked, warming her up for the incoming conversation, turning onto a side road and pulling the car to a stop.

“yea it’s good thanks, how’s driving?”

“could be better, i could be better,” he smiled sadly, but glad she asked about driving as she fell directly into his trap, “why did you stop coming to races?”

“lando,” she sighs his name, almost disappointed in him for even asking, “university’s a lot of work you know. i can’t fly around the world to watch you drive a car. and, i still watch the races - just from home.”

“so it’s nothing to do with me?”

“well ignoring me for a year doesn’t help your case, but no, it’s not to do with you. you know i’ll always be there when i can. when im invited,” the emphasis on invited hung like hot air in the car, and created and unsettling silence.

“lan, can i ask you a question?” she said, breaking the awkward atmosphere in the car.

“mhm, anything.”

“why did you stop talking to me? i know we’re not as close as you and max,” she adds, lando almost wincing at the mention of his best friend, “and i know you were busy being, you know, a superstar and that. but even over your break, i saw you like twice in passing.”

“im sorry y/n, honestly it wasn’t intentiona-”

“bullshit, try again norris. the truth this time.”

lando breathed in deep, as if to lock and load his next statement.

“max he, uh, he told me he’d seen some pictures of us. you remember that club in monaco?,” she nodded in response, remembering the encounter with lando that night in somewhat drunken detail, “he wasn’t happy with me. thought we had something going on behind his back. y/n when i say angry, i mean he was one step away from beating me up and then keying my car.”

“but there was nothi- i mean we weren’t d-”

“i know, i tried to tell him,” lando sighed, “he gets a bit, let’s say ‘over protective’ with you i guess. doesn’t trust me maybe? i don’t know.”

“so instead of letting me discuss it with him, you refused to acknowledge my existence for a year? yeah that’s mint, let’s do that,” she said, the sarcasm rolling off her tongue.

“i was a dick, ok - i’m sorry. but your brother is slightly terrifying when he’s angry. think he’s realised he was wrong - that’s why he let you come to the race im guessing.”

he was wrong - but was he? was max completely wrong to assume what he had? she thought the feelings were mutual but clearly lando had other ideas.

“can i drive your car?” y/n asked, smiling over to lando in the drivers seat. he’s started driving around aimlessly again, deciding to put an end to the conversation about where they stood with each other. his head whipped around to look at her, his eyebrows quirked up in a mix of confusion and immediate refusal. he wasn’t even driving one of his more expensive cars, as they all stayed in monaco. but of course, lando norris needs a high end car in every country.

“please, lan,” she said again, eyes widening in attempt to tug on his heart strings, “please. i miss driving, i haven’t driven since like, christmas since my car died and went to car heaven.”

“y/n, angel,” the nickname wasn’t something new, but it still flipped something about in her stomach, ”if anything, that makes me want to say no even more. besides, it’s automatic - you drive manual.”

“oh come on, it’s literally just a pedal for stop and go. please.”

“not tonight,” he said, looking at her to show his sad frown as if that would make her happy about the rejection, “if i get podium tomorrow, ill put some money towards getting you a new car.”

“lan, please you don’t have to do that.”

“i know i don’t have to. i want to. besides, if i get podium i think i owe my lucky charm something to show my gratitude, no?” he said. y/n knew this was an argument she wouldn’t win, so she smiled up at him, nodding slightly.

the car fell back into a silence, comfortable this time, with only the sound of lando’s music playing quietly out of the speakers, and the odd whooshing of a car driving past.

the car came to a still, the red light reflected on the their faces as they waited for the light to change.

“the stars look pretty tonight,” she said absentmindedly. y/n was never one to sit in silence without at least attempting to fill it.

“yeah, they do,” lando responded, although he wasn’t looking at the stars, moreover, he was staring directly at the light reflecting onto y/n’s face. his own mouth curling up into a smile when he saw your soft features grinning contently at the sky.

it was around 1am when y/n and lando returned to the hotel car park, casually discussing life at university and where y/n saw herself using her degree in the future.

“i think it’s better if we don’t tell max about this,” she mumbled, tilting her head to the side, catching lando’s eyes. her own eyes blinking slowly in exhaustion.

“i think so too. are you going to tell him what i said?”

“not right now. but i refuse to let him believe has any right to threaten his own friends in a bid to control my life,” she says, her body now twisted fully to face him directly.

“just,” he sighed, “dont get violent,” his hand reaching over to rest on her knee.

“me? violent? that is a bold accusation, norris.”

“y/n - i know you. just don’t be too harsh, he thought he was doing what was best.”

“thinking is always max’s downfall,” she responds with a snort. she turns her body back, arm reaching to grab the handle when lando catches her other arm, forcing her to look at him again.

“i’ll see you tomorrow, yeah?”

“i’ll be there.”

sneaking back into a room was usually y/n’s specialty, but she’d never attempted to sneak past max before. rather, her teens were spent sneaking back into the house with max. unlocking the door and pulling the handle down, y/n pushed softly on the wood, but the creaking was so loud in the silence of their hotel room. the floor boards to her bag of clothes seemed to have a vendetta against her today too, she could’ve sworn they did not creak when she had walked across them earlier.

the bathroom tap decided to splutter loudly and spit freezing cold water down her, and the door to slide back open and allow the stream of light to fall directly on max’s face.

“y/n?” her brother groaned, “you just come back in?”

“yeah, sorry - i tried to be quiet,” she whispered back, turning the bathroom light off and stumbling gracefully through the dark room to the sofa.

“it’s 1am? you were in the gym for 3 hours?”

“erm, yeah,” her voice wavered in the lie, “i got distracted on the treadmill. tired myself out though.”

max grumbled something in response, too sleepy to say anything further.

the next morning max walked down to the hotel lobby, passing the gym in his journey for breakfast.

open 7:00 - 23:00

hang on, he thought to himself, shut at 11?

where had his sister been? she couldn’t have been in the gym till 1am, so where had she been, and why had she lied?

★ ☆ ✦ ✧ ✩ ✶

tag list: @harrysdimple05 @scopeiguess @hiireadstuff @landosgirlxoxo @natt9598 @phantomxoxo @val-writes

[aajjks]

Toxic. (m)

synopsis. You can do whatever but you just can’t leave him.

warnings. yändêrê bëhävïöür, tôxïc rêlätïönshïp, ünst*ble bëhävïöür, ünhëälthy rêlätïönshïp, pösessïvēnēss.

Viewer discretion is advised.

He knows that he’s too possessive.

His way of loving you isn’t healthy at all.

But it’s just how he is. You’ve made him like this. It’s all because of you, you’ve put him in a trance. You have him so obsessed.

And he knows that he’s too toxic, jealous and suffocating.

But you can’t leave him.

“Yn.. how long is this going to go on? You know you can’t leave me.” He sighs, you have your back turned on him. He sighs, he doesn’t know how to deal with you.

He has tried everything.

Even blackmailing you, it doesn’t work anymore.

“What is wrong with you?” Jungkook clicks his tongue. You have been like this for the past week hours since he and you had a pretty big fight, all because he didn’t want you to go out with your friends.

He wasn’t wrong about that. Clubbing with your friends at night that’s just an invitation for trouble. He knows how men think. He wants to protect you. That’s not a bad thing, right?

Even if he has some fucked up ways to protect you.

“Yn come on please. Stop it.” He whispers, sitting right beside you on the bed. You don’t even budge. It’s like his words are falling on deaf ears.

Jungkook scoots closer to you. He has to get you to start talking to him because he’s going insane. “listen you just need to understand that I want what’s best for you. And those friends of yours oh my God they are whores.”

He rolled his eyes. “and they want you to become one too.” He tells you, “because why else would keep on telling you to break up with me?”

when you don’t reply , he gently slaps you on the shoulder. “ I deserve better than this treatment.” oh, he is so frustrated. “look at me.” He tries to get you to look at him by trying to make your body shift in his direction

“DON’T TOUCH ME.” he almost flinches at your loud tone, you finally turn.

“honestly, I am so tired of you.” You spit at him. Your eyes glaring holes into his soul. But he doesn’t mind at all. If anything, he resists to smirk.

“ at least you’re looking at me now and even talking to me so I succeeded.” he shrugs, and takes his hands off of you.

“ listen to me OK I’m willing to apologize for my behavior, but you have to understand that you shouldn’t go out to clubs or places like that especially with your friends.” he Gives you his best puppy eyes.

But they don’t work on you, his old tricks don’t work on you.

“Please spare me this bullshit.” You roll your eyes at your toxic boyfriend. Jungkook look at you with wide eyes. “ OK stop cursing at me” he groans, he feels so offended right now.

“it’s because of your fucking friends that you’re doing this to me.” he’s starting to talk in pout. You look at him like he’s grown two heads

You look disgusted .

“it’s not because of my friends Jungkook! Oh my God it’s because of you you are overbearing and fucking possessive!” You raise your voice once again, your eyes are filled with anger.

“I am tired of this. YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE TOO INSECURE BECAUSE YOU DON’T TRUST ME.”

You are so angry at him, that you’ve started to use your hands to elaborate . “ how can I be with a man that doesn’t even trust me, and sabotages my social life, talks shit about my friends and locks me up in the fucking house?” You furrow your eyebrows together.

He just sits there and listens to you . He’s missed your voice so much it doesn’t even matter about what you’re saying he’s not even paying attention to whatever you’re talking about.

He’s just focused on the way your mouth moves and you make these stupid expressions. He’s missed you too much.

“scream at me all you want.” He smiles.

You immediately stop screaming at him. “Wow, you are unbelievable.” you’re shocked honestly.

How unstable can he be?

How can he not take this seriously? You two are on the words of breaking up. This is what he’s doing.

“you can’t leave me.” he has stopped smiling. his eyes have stopped sparkling.

Silence falls over you.

It’s like he’s read your mind.

“you know I won’t let you, so why would I mind you screaming at me that’s the least you can really do, I’m willing to tolerate this. But as long as you don’t leave me, even if you want to you know you can’t.”

“please continue your lecture.”

[partitionis]

on the horror of fame:

something that I often find myself thinking about when I’m back in Taiwan and around people who are far richer than I’ll ever be [1] is how the day-to-day experience of being rich and powerful is actually pretty… dehumanizing

there’s a sweet spot where you’re wealthy enough that you don’t have to worry about money ever and still anonymous enough that you can pop down to the 7/11 without anyone knowing who you are, but once you’re famous enough that people on the street tend to recognize you? you’re fucked.

ok, you haven’t driven a car in a few decades because you’ve been rich enough to employ a driver and someone of your status isn’t really the type to drive themselves around. this is fine. except now your driver knows all of your business. that’s also fine, you pay him for his discretion. do you pay him enough? can you be sure that his institutional loyalty is enough to stop him from taking a tabloid payment? maybe you want to go somewhere spur of the moment. you could call your driver, and he’d drop whatever he was doing and be at your house to get you within fifteen minutes [2], but you know, maybe he’s with his kids or something. you could take the subway, except if you do that multiple people will recognize you and everyone will treat you like you have some sort of infectious disease [3]. guess you’d better stay in.

and every moment of every day is like this! being a famous man is great because women want to have sex with you and men want to be you. except mostly what everyone wants is access to the wealth and power you represent: people tell you half-truths to try to convince you to invest in some bullshit or they put their hands dangerously close to your penis in public social situations [4]. you— the person you actually are— are mostly treated like an obstacle to be overcome or a puzzle to be figured out. ‘what kind of currency do I need to put in to the old man to get what I want out of him’

so you have all of the things people want, but they’re poisoned by abundance. you can go anywhere and buy anything, but you can’t do it without feeling the eyes of the world on you. you have more friends and potential lovers than you know what to do with, but do you? one of the great privileges of being a regular person [5] is that you can generally trust that social gestures are genuine. I’m just a regular guy and the only benefit anyone gets from throwing me a birthday party or having sex with me is that we ate birthday cake or had sex. none of these things will unlock access to money or power because I’ve got none to give, but once you do, you invariably attract these people. they’re not all of your social circle, but they’re a lot of it, because competing for your limited time and attention with the people who are willing to grope you in public feels vaguely debasing

no wonder musicians are alcoholics! no wonder the people I know are all withdrawn and snappish. you’re just some guy, and you’re living a life so divorced from the rest of the world that you have more in common with the god-kings of old than you do with your own parents. is it worth it? I mean I won’t lie, sometimes it’s pretty sick; I’d never buy a $5,000 watch, but I can pretty easily imagine what I’d do with thousands of dollars of pocket change. but then I remember that one person I know refuses to tell anyone when his birthday is because people make such a big fucking deal out of it and I think, hm, if that were me I’d probably develop a heroin addiction [6].

[1] presumably

[2] let’s not consider how much it sucks to be the driver in this situation

[3] you are not the good kind of famous in this story, sorry.

[4] I’m sure this was titillating at one point but I’m also pretty sure it got old by the third decade, never mind what it’s like in the fifth

[5] unless you’re an Olive Garden manager who posts a lot about fake friends and backstabbers on Facebook or wherever the beleaguered Olive Garden managers of the world are posting today

[6] at least I’d be able to pay for it

[whyse7vn]

MIN YOONGI & KIM SEOKJIN

NICER:

“You know….” Jin looks over to Yoongi he’s sprawled out on a black couch thats sits in middle of the room they’re both in mindlessly scrolling through his phone. “It’s almost time to renew our contracts”

“So?” Yoongi replies his full attention still being held by his phone.

“Well, don’t tell her” Yoongi pauses “I told you this but y/ns been kinda on the fence about it all”

“About renewing her contract?”

“About being in the group all together”

Yoongi’s phone falls flat to his chest. Jin bites back a smirk.

“What?”

“Again don’t tell her i told you this but she said being in the groups gotten a little suffocating that we all argue too much and tha—”

“Bullshit”

“I’m not joking you know she comes to me about stuff why would i lie?”

Yoongi pauses for a moment. Why would Seokjin his good friend of over 10 years lie to him?

There are many reasons actually like that one time he took that sandwich out the fridge that was clearly labelled “JINS DO NOT EAT” and ate it right in his face or that other time when he tripped Jin up during rehearsals for no reason at all or that time—

“Trust me she was like really serious about it and—”

Yeah Yoongi doesn’t believe him, not one bit.

“So why are you telling me this shouldn’t you go talk to Joon about this stuff?”

“You know how Namjoon is can’t say no to her like… ever she would be gone before we know it and i thought about bringing it up with Jungkook but you also know how he is..”

“What about Jimin? Hobi? The fucking company, why me?”

“It’s just ‘cuz she said- never mind it’s not important forget i mentioned this”

“What did she say?”

“Nothing… i just i- i don’t want you to think it’s your fault or anything”

“So it’s my fault”

Yoongi now sits fully up right on the couch he was once slouched on with his eyebrows furrowed and gaze locked on Jin.

Jin bites back another smirk.

“No! not at all she just said some… stuff don’t worry about it!”

“What did she say” It’s not a question anymore.

“Well just that maybe you could uh.. be nicer or something?”

“Nicer?” Yoongi is now fully stood up one fist clenched and a head full of questions.

“Me? …Nicer?”

“That’s what she said” Jin shrugs.

Yoongi knows he isn’t the best to his fellow members often rejecting their various displays of affection and saying somewhat mean things to them on occasion. Sure he might of ‘lovingly’ punched a few of them a couple times called them some unkind names but not you! well he did call you a bitch once … or twice but you knew he was joking right? And he says sorry… sometimes, so Yoongi’s not even that mean, not at all, like it’s tough love or whatever. Yoongi can be nice. Yoongi is nice.

Yoongi stares back at Jin.

“Do you… think i could be nicer?”

There’s a pause.

“Well…”

Oh. Ok maybe Yoongi isn’t as nice as he thought he was. But it wasn’t that bad.

“…just considering she wants to leave the group because of it…”

Right. It’s is that bad.

Yoongi’s gaze drops the floor momentarily. He notices his phone that once held his attention now resides ontop of the fluffy carpet beneath his feet, but that’s the least of his concern right now. He feels a little sick and a whole lot embarrassed.

“Did she uh say anything else… about me i mean” He looks everywhere but Jin another wave of embarrassment taking over him as the question leaves his mouth.

Jin cocks his head at Yoongi in clear amusement, Not that Yoongi could catch onto it anyways too caught up in his own mind at the moment.

“How about we discuss this over coffee my treat! I think there’s a way we can sort this all out”

—

part 2 HERE

tags: @piw6n @92jinnies @birdie-vhs @blairebangtan @hob3loveofmylife @jujubiism @bloopkook @ratchetpizza1 @myntalks @arloo00 @watamotee33 @y2kcy3brz @taiwan0618 @freyadanvers @gguksbeloved @raetf @bbsantc @winuvs @medicinemybish @bxnnyhime @leleluvsbts @baetukki @zyaaaszn @thelilbutifulthings @jazminethecreator @k4ngelz @jmnscutie @threeopossumsinacoat @cynicalyoongs @lightningpussy54 @eunthv @gigiiiiislife @lowkeykin @elissasimp @socksfirstalways @knjlvr06 @lailaisarmy @thvkives @xstfudaisyx @xxxanimangxxx @solstice34 @ml8dy @hoeforseoks @futuristicenemychaos

[cranberryjuice-posts]

Im only human can’t you see

Parings - clarisse x fem reader!

Tw’s- uh reader smokes weed, toxic relationship

Summary - clarisse thinks your shitty girlfriend doesn’t deserve you

She was furious. This day was supposed to be a normal calm day but the universe said fuck that when you came running into the ares cabin crying over your girlfriend.

Once again Ashlyn had said or done something to ruin your day and at this point, clarisse was over it.

“Just break up with her already” Clarisse scoffed and wiped the tears away from your eyes. You sniffed and shook your head.

“I can’t just do that Claire. I love Ashley” You frowned. “I know she doesn’t mean to hurt me, she loves me and I don’t want to hurt her”

Clarisse just rolled her eyes and continued to comfort you. “Oh please that’s a bunch of bullshit. So you don’t want to hurt her but the second she does something to hurt you it’s ok”

“I didn’t say that”

“Well that’s how you acting” she sighed and cupped your face with both her hands holding eye contact. “You.. are beautiful and kind and so fucking amazing…. And someone like Ashley doesn’t deserve you, you know you're worth Y/N so Stop letting her hurt you. trust me there’s multiple women lined up at your door waiting and begging to be with you”

You wiped your eyes and nodded letting clarisse pull you into a hug. Though you’d never admit it you always loved the bear hugs you would receive from her, the subtle hint of pinewood and fire ash brought you comfort.

Clarisse was sitting near polishing her spear and talking to some of her siblings, she looked over and scowled at the sight. You were on the sand volleyball court laughing as Ashley picked you up. What made the scene even worse was you bending down and kissing her. Clarisse gagged at the sight not understanding how you could kiss someone with such a venomous mouth.

You pulled away from Ashly and sighed. “Babe what’s wrong” she asked chuckling, you shook your head but Ashly rolled her eyes. “That’s really fucking annoying how you constantly shake your head never wanting to talk” she spoke sourly.

“Ash you know I didn’t mean it like that it’s nothing”

“Ok sure, It’s Fine what do I care god fucking forbid I was concerned” Ashley scoffed starting yet another argument, however, this time Clarisse was on standby.

“Where do you get off talking to her like that” clarisse stepped in between you two and towered over Ashley.

“Fuck off clarisse this isn’t your argument to bud into”

“Of Yeah? Because it kinda did when you started cussing at my friend” Clarisse leaned forward with a misleading smile.

You groaned and pushed clafisse back seperating the two. “Can you two not.. look she’s just upset over me not communicating properly it’s fine” you sighed and gently placed a hand on clarisses arm watching her calm down.

“Yeah cussing out your partner really setting the bar high on communication”

“Oh fuck you”

You grabbed Ashly’s arm and walked away with her, however you looked back for a moment to see clarisse.

Some hours had passend since the argument with Ashley and you decided now would be perfect to spend time with clarisse. The wind softly blew as you and clarisse sat on the ares cabin roof.. you took a long drag from the blunt before gently exhaling the smoke.

You looked over and smiled slightly as clarisse shit talked Your girlfriend. “I’m serious y/n, Ashley doesn’t deserve you why the hell do you still put up with her bullshit”

“I still put up with yours” you joked which earned you a dramatic eye-roll. “..Ashley actually ended things with me” clarisse looked back shocked.

“What..”

“Yeah uh.. she said i was ‘to much work’ ” You spoke distastefully and put the blunt out.. “you know it’s ironic, I was only with Ashley because she reminded me of you”

Clarisse scoffed “I’m nothing like that bitch” you gave her a look which made clarisse continue to complain as you chuckled.

“Look.. What I meant was that, I guess I’ve always had a crush on you but I always figured you wanted someone else like silena so I picked the next best option, Ashley” you shrugged and looked over, hidden shame and hurt in your eyes.

There was silence for what seemed forever.

“Really..” clafisse asked quietly with a flat tone. You nodded confirming your statement. “So it’ll be ok I do this then huh” you look up confused but was met with clarisse softly grabbing your face and kissing you.

Her calloused hands made light friction against your skin and her chapped lips were a stark contrast to your gentle ones. The kiss was slightly bad as clarisse struggled to figure out what to do, you giggled against her lips before wrapping your arms around her neck and leading the kiss showing the girl what to correctly do.

Her hands rubbed circles onto your waist, adding some tongue while the two continued to make out.

You pulled away smiling. “Gods I really fucking hated Ashley” clarisse laughed still high from the adrenaline. She leaned in to kiss you again not wanting to let you go..

You walked into the dining hall with clarisse holding your hand, your relationship finally becoming official as of the previous night.

You kissed her cheek and gently squeezed her hand enjoying how clarisse tried to keep a strong appearance and not look weak.

“You slut”

Clarisse turned around faster than you expected. Standing behind you was Ashley. “What were broken up for less than a day and your already fucking with this piece of shit”

“Oh your one to talk you-“ you put your hand on clarisses arm stepping between the Two. A position you swore you found yourself in often. You looked up at her and gave her a look telling her to cut it out.

After she gave a resentful sigh clarisse backed up. You turned around facing Ashley and crossed your arms. “Yeah I am, because gods forbid that I actually want someone who appericates and cares for me the way I want than someone like you who only cares about themselves. I mean common what the hell is wrong with you- instead of throwing a tantrum because I have a partner who wants me maybe start working on yourself so your next girlfriend doesn’t have to deal with your toxic bullshit” your tone flat and serious. After a moment you grabbed clarisses hand and lead her away while Ashley just scoffed and started to shit talk with her friends.

“Damn.. that was actually kind of hot”

“Shut up larue”

[teddynivvy]

ik you dont write a lot for schlatt but you’re so genuinely my favourite person on this app and i cant think of anyone who could do it better

i can imagine a relationship with schlatt being like the song Rules by Doja Cat😭

OKAY LMAO THATS ALL LOVE YA BYE

thank u for the compliment omg <3 i love a schlatt request… and i’m obsessed with doja so i hope u don’t mind how i took this!!

ok so to me this song is v much like a relationship vibe where schlatt is basically obsessed with you hehe

it’s super straight up with the two of you - clear communication and no mind games, he’s obsessed with you and you’re obsessed with him

basically the power couple to end all power couples

he has no problem buying you gifts - lingerie, jewelry, whatever you might want, he just buys

pays for your nails and hair appointments too, and tells you what he likes before you go

in return you’re always there for him, the most supportive partner ever, basically gushing over him whenever you can

you help him with ideas for streams, ideas for the podcast, are essentially his business partner as well because he trusts you with it all

“y/n gave me this idea” “i told y/n about this” “oh yeah! i brought it up to y/n and…”

you often pop into his streams, and the chat always goes crazy because he’s so obviously obsessed with you

“i want a relationship like theirs” “schlatt and y/n are goals” “y/n’s so put together ik schlatt’s a good bf”

you gush about him and play with his hair or fingers absentmindedly, and he pretends he doesn’t love it but you can see him blush hehe

some people r really jealous of your relationship, and he usually just responds by taking your hand and kissing it, or slapping your ass in front of everyone on stream lmao

you don’t mind being touted around because schlatt is the sweetest bf ever, and you know at the end of the day his “big guy” persona is for the camera and he basically worships you irl

def shows you in the bedroom as well, bc the sex is always a “you first” mentality - he makes sure you’re taken care of before he even worries about himself getting off

just basically the best, no bullshit, obsessed bf ever :’)

[justmeinadaze]

Hi! I have this really REALLY angsty request that if you don’t want to do it okay, but since you’ve posted things with a similar theme I thought maybe you could write it.

So it’s similar to the pop star!reader x bodyguard!steddie, but this is just regular them Ig? So reader overdoses with some of Eddie’s stuff, and when the boys arrive, Eddie kinda gets flashbacks from when his mom overdosed. I’m just really a craver for angst, hurt, comfort fics

Thank you so much! I love your stuff!!🤍🤍

Steddie Asks/ Ko-Fi <3

Warning: Dark themes of drugs and overdosing, all three discuss an incident where the reader overdoses

The table is silent as you and your boyfriends pick at the food they had purchased after bringing you home from the hospital. Having grown accustomed to the balanced meal they provided, you were struggling to fully get through the heavy pasta in front of you. 

You hated this; the weighted energy that hung in the air. 

You would give anything to go back to how things used to be when you, Steve, and Eddie could just laugh and have fun but a line had been forever crossed. Trust broken in that one moment when you snuck into the metalhead’s things and found drugs that weren’t meant for you especially after you promised things were going to be different. 

“I know! I’m sorry! I don’t mean to go overboard. Everything is just so overwhelming and it helps me…breathe. I promise, I’ll slow down. I’ll get clean, I swear.”

You meant it at the time and every time after when you talked yourself out of buying a new supply. But when you were fired from your job for seemingly no reason, you needed to numb your brain. 

“Just one more.”, you had told yourself.

One more turned into another hit and then another…and another…until a couple of days later you woke up in an emergency room with your boyfriends clinging to your hands. 

“Do you want me to make you something?”

“Huh?”

“You’ve barely touched your food. If you don’t want it I can make you something else.”, Steve explains as his eyes scan you over. 

“Oh, um, no. I’m ok. I’m just not very hungry, I guess.” He nodded without saying another and you felt like you were going to explode. “How long are we going to do this?”

“Do what, honey?”

“Avoid the topic of what happened.”

“We don’t need to talk about that now.”, Eddie mumbled without even looking your way.

“I’d like to. I’d prefer it over this.” Neither man said anything as they continued to stare in front of them at their food. “Come on, guys. Yell, scream, throw things; I don’t fucking care just…talk to me.”

“Not right now.”, the metalhead repeated in a firmer tone. 

“When then, Ed?”

“Whenever Eddie chooses it seems.”, the other boy sassed throwing you off guard slightly. You half expected any hostility to be directed towards you but the way Steve said that…he was angry at his friend as well.

“Well go on. Out with it, Harrington. You’ve been fucking passive aggressive since we got to the hospital. Just fucking get it out, man.”

“Oh, it’s ok now? Now you’ll fucking listen to me. You didn’t listen to me when I asked you not to keep any drugs in this fucking apartment!”

“I didn’t expect her to dig through my things!”

“She’s an addict, you fucking idiot!”

“HEY!”, you shouted as Eddie rose from his chair, knocking it down behind him. “I said talk, not be mean. This isn’t his fault.”

“No, you’re right. It’s both your faults. I asked him not to bring drugs here because you were trying to get better, Y/N, but you were still struggling. I saw it every day you came home! You were always one step away from fucking breaking but you never said anything! Why!? Why didn’t you talk to us or hell even a doctor?! I don’t fucking care!”

“I didn’t know how…”

“Oh, fucking bullshit!”

“Because I didn’t want to burden you two! That’s all I fucking am! You both have enough going on than to deal with me.”

“So, this was better? Us finding you on the fucking bedroom floor?!” At Steve’s words, Eddie crossed his arms as he hugged himself tightly; the memory of that day hitting them both. “Did you think when we found you barely breathing, we thought ‘Oh thank God. One less problem.’? Or when we watched EMS poke and prod your pale, sweaty skin that we were thankful you did this instead of coming to us? That we would be proud that you feel better numbing yourself with that shit than being open with the men you supposedly love?!”

In anger, he flipped the dining room table making you jump and stand as everything crashed to the ground. The former jock had been holding this in for weeks and now that the flood gates had been opened, he couldn’t stop them. 

“I thought you were gonna die. You didn’t see what we saw, Y/N. All the color was gone from your face and you were so sticky with sweat…I’ll never forget that smell… You didn’t move or answer us. When EMS arrived, they were shouting a lot but the thing that stood out was ‘She’s not breathing.’”

Eddie’s own breathing stuttered and when you glanced his way you realized he was trying to control the tears that had begun to fall. 

“They asked what you took but when we told them we didn’t know but we know your history and they suggested what it could have been, I knew from his face it was something Munson brought in. I almost fucking killed him, Y/N.”

“Steve—”

“No. I’m not exaggerating or anything like that. It took all of my energy to not beat the shit out of him right then and there.”

“You think I don’t do that already?”, the metalhead growled. “You think I don’t fucking beat myself for what happened?! I stopped dealing the moment we found out about her vices. I gave Rick back everything I had because I knew that temptation would be hard for her. He needed someone to hold onto his stuff for a couple of days because Rick expected his PO to make a surprise visit. Steve, I swear to God, I didn’t think she would… I trusted her…”

After drying his eyes, Eddie squared his shoulders towards you both. 

“Maybe that was naive but she was getting better. That’s our problem, Harrington. I trust her too much and you don’t trust her at all!”

“I don’t and this is exactly the reason why!”

“I understand.” Your tiny voice cuts through their fury giving them pause. “When I get low like I did and the craving hits… it’s like being in a black hole I can’t crawl out of. I didn’t think about how my choice would affect either of you but especially Eddie. All I could think about was how I just needed the pain to stop. I am so fucking sorry. I-I-I understand if you want to take a break or some time away from me while I deal with this. I just—”

Steve cuts you off by stepping over the contents on the floor and yanking you to his chest. 

“You’re doing it again, honey. You don’t have to face this alone. We’re here to help you every step of the way.”

“Just because we’re upset with you doesn’t mean we stopped loving you.”, Eddie added before wrapping his arm around you both. “I’m sorry, Steve. I really am.”

“I forgive you. It’s going to take some time but we can get this and become better together.”

“I love you both so much and I’m so sorry for scaring you. Even if it takes my whole life I’ll make it up to you.”, you pledge as your voice is slightly muffled by the chest in front of you.

“Baby, all we want is for you to be happy. That’s all we’ve ever wanted.” Nodding, you push your face into the metalhead’s warm embrace as Steve released the two of you to pick up the table and the mess he had made. “Y/N, you remind me a lot of my mother. You are beautiful, funny, and sweet almost to a fault but when we found you… you were unresponsive like her… My dad abandoned her long before she passed but I promise, sweetheart, we’ll be right here with you every step of the way. You’re not alone.”

After kissing your forehead, Eddie knelt down to help his friend and both boys exchange a small smile before you follow his decent to help to. 

“Oh, Y/N, we got this—”

“Together, Steve. Any kind of chaos or situation life throws our way we handle it together.”

[lizandbo]

okie doks, so i would like a hc where bokuto, kuroo, and maybe tsukishima react to seeing their volleyball player! girlfriend play for the first time

i love your blog btw :) it makes me happy <3

Volleyball player!reader x kuroo, bokuto and tsukishima

I’m so so glad that my writing makes you happy, plus this ask is like 100 years cuz time management is not a thing for me

Masterlist

Tsukishima

Before I say anything else HE WILL LAUGH WHEN YOU MESS UP

When you tell him that you play volleyball he might not believe you until he sees it with his very own eyes

He would believe you but ✨trust issues✨

If you ever invite him to one of your matches he just either gives a glare and says a monotone “ok” or grunt in response 

But most times he goes to your games without you knowing 

Tsukishima wants to see when do your best without the pressure of people yk watching you

Cuz honestly I feel that wholeheartedly 

But man when he does see you?

Bros gonna explode from being flustered 

He thinks that you honestly look really hot, but he never ever gonna say that

Not even when he’s being held by gunpoint, which honestly who would ask that question if you were being held by gunpoint?

Anygays 

He just appreciates your work ethic in volleyball

Not being too annoying and obnoxious about volleyball or not giving a fuck with his standards 

Nice balance 

and at some point you motivate him to push on his own hobbies (more so volleyball)

When you catch sight of him you whip your head around to get a double take almost getting whiplash in the process

He just covers his mouth and snickers by the confusion of your face just now realizing that he did attend your match after all

You shuffled up to him half bashful half excited to see tsuki

You wrapped your arms around his middle and he stared back to, giving you a little headpat 

“Sooo how did I do? Since you’ve been stalking me like a dimwit”

“You did better than last time ig, moron”

“You were here last time too??” 

“Now see your the dimwit here since you didn’t even realize I’m coming to your stupid games”

“Awww tsuki I thought would’ve never be here:(“

“Your an official dimwit” tsukishima says with a blush darkening 

Bokuto

He knew you played volleyball cuz he always has asked you how was your day? Every single fucking day

Even before you were dating

It might get a lil annoying sometimes but baby boy genuinely wants to hear about your day

Prolly at some point interrupts you by accident but once he realized he apologizes so damn much 

But a simple “it’s ok bo” is enough for him lmao

ANYWAYS 

IS SO PROUD OF YOU WHEN YOU PLAY

ALWAYS YELLS LETS GO Y/N OR HEY HEY HEYYYY THATS MY S/O

Vvvv proud baby 

Whatever position you play he’s so so so supportive 

“Y/n! That’s such a great set im so proud of you”

“I KNEW YOU COULD DO SO WELL BABY”

“HEY HEY HEY! That spike was so accurate, you should have a kiss as an award! Come her baby”

“BLOCK THEM BASTARDS! YEAHHH”

When the match/ practice is over he’ll quite literally jump and attack you with a bear hug smothering you to absolute death

You guys go to your car him carrying you bride style  and finding a withered mess of half dead rose petals in the passenger seat cuz bo was so focused on seeing you than bringing the damn bouquet of flowers he was gonna give you

“Well… maybe I’m just distracted by incredibly sexy and hot partn-“

“OKAY BOKUTO, LETS JUST GET IN THE DAMN CAR”

“Your also very cute when you stammer like that”

“Booooo”

Kuroo 

Also a vvv proud baby

Found out by having the volleyball match delayed and you coming home late

Quite literally did the mom “and where were you?” Thing on you

But he was concerned for his baby cuz you could’ve gotten kidnapped

You told him that you were at a game of yours and he was appalled 

“And you never thought that I would like to go?” Pouts like a little girl in a playful way

“Well I just never thought you wanted to go since your always so busy”

“Bullshit, I’d do anything for you” he practically manhandled you onto the bed and cuddled there

“Oh really? Anything??” Your eyes sparkled as he met your eyes with a small smile

“Yes baby, anything. Your my one and only”

“Ok so would you do the dishes for me? Oh oh and cook dinner too that would be absolutely fantastic”

Rooster wasn’t too happy with that response smh

SKJDJDJD I GET SO DISTRACTED ANYWAYS

rooster baby would go to any games when he has free time 

Analyzes your movements a lot 

But he’s never deeply judging you in a negative way, he’s just observing 

Becomes your personal trainer but would never push you too hard 

Always after matches no matter if you win or not he’ll always have some version of “you did well baby, now drink some water I’m not letting you be dehydrated”

Always gives you a meaningful hug too

Kisses are also a definite must

One on your forehead, nose and three on the lips

It’s like a secrete combination just between the two of you

Even tho it’s not even like a lock or some shit

It always amazing him how you do certain things when your focused into your game

Sometimes laughs at how cute you are

Just being a proud parent boyfriend is all you need

[effy-writes]

Hii can I request Blitzø hcs with a fem S/O who always says she's ok and fine even when she's not, like she's sensitive but knows people are rude and shitty, so she keeps all her feelings in and doesn't speak up bc she doesn't wanna seem like a burden? Tyy!

ofc!! sorry this took so long

~~~~

blitz x f! reader who feels like a burden hc’s

• growing up you’ve always been told to keep your feelings to yourself because it’s a “hush hush” type thing (mainly because of your parents)

• even before you and blitz started dating you always kept things buried inside. you’re a typical yapper, but go completely non verbal whenever you’re going through some things

• blitz being blitz, he didn’t pay attention to it at first until he made a joke one day that may or may not made you cry in the bathroom

“thank satan you stopped talking, you were driving me crazy.”

you abruptly left the meeting room and locked yourself in the bathroom, leaving blitz to himself like, “wtf did i even say”

• later on he asked you about it, being like “did i say something orrr” and you told him you were already having a shitty day and that’s when the dots connected. “well if you ever need to spill your heart out you can.”

• you appreciated it, but didn’t want to feel like a burden to him since he already has his problems.

• years later, you two started a serious relationship. he trusted you already, so he wasn’t afraid to talk to you about his stuff (you had to pesterize him for it, but he did managed to tell you things)

• you on the other hand was still afraid of being a burden to him. you didn’t want him to think that you’re too much for him to handle so you kept things to yourself.

• blitz still caught on that you’re not being honest about your feelings, so he would ask you allll the time.

“i’m fine, okay? im fine. don’t worry about me.”

“just tell me what’s going on.”

“i’m just tired.”

“bullshit and you know it.”

•after arguing back and forth you finally told him what’s been bothering you, which consisted of people being shitty to you in the past and how their words still affect you to this day, your own thoughts haunting you, anxiety, etc.

• blitz understood 100% about what you were getting at and he told you that he won’t ever think of you as a burden and that you shouldn’t be afraid to talk to him about things

“but you already have your own stuff to deal with, i don’t want to be added on your plate.”

“and you were always there when i needed you and i want to be there for you.”

• he comforted you as many times as he could. whenever you’re not talking or slouching in chairs he’ll take your hand into his wherever you guys are at. in a meeting and sees that you’re not okay? he’ll sit beside of you and hold your hand while continuing to talk. ESPECIALLY when you guys are laying down on the couch or bed he’ll just flat out hold you, even if you don’t tell him what’s going on because eventually you’ll tell him.

• “want me to fuck those feelings out?”

“let’s role play, me being the therapist and you’re my patient. let’s sigmund freud up this bitch!”

• he really cares about you but has a weird way of saying it

• he offered an idea to where if you really don’t want to talk to him about when you’re sad/upset/any other negative emotions, you can lay your head on his lap facing his stomach so he’ll know if you’re not okay.

• you liked that idea, and the first time you followed through with it blitz kinda got confused but then was like “oh shit, she’s not okay”

you would bury your head against his stomach, wanting to get as close to him as possible. blitz combed your hair with his fingers and slightly purred, “ready to talk about?”

if you mumble no then he’ll just keep massaging your scalp or rub your back, but if you do start talking then he’s all ears and will try to make you sit up so he can hear you better, but if you still wanna bury your head against him then he’ll still try his best to hear you. “sorry say that again?…one more time…you’re not gonna believe this but you’re gonna have to repeat that.”

• long story short, blitz wants you to be up and honest as you can to him. he hates it when you don’t talk about what’s going on with you because he cares so much and doesn’t want to lose you. he’ll always reassure you that you’re not a burden just by speaking up on how you’re feeling

[jay7543]

therapist!reader and client!Konig??? I think it would just be so wholesome.

You and your therapist könig

M4m

18+

I like this idea a lot, does seem really wholesome. Won’t have many smut aspects but it will be a bit spicy but it will be fairly short, at least compared to my other stuff. I hope you enjoy!

This one does get in the feels a bit, so be ready for that.

Also, after writing this, I have realized i flipped the roles, I hope that doesn’t bother you too much, message me if you want them normal like you said. Or I might just do it anyway. I am truly sorry for the inconvenience

Feel free to make requests

Let’s be honest, you’ve had problems for a while. From depression and anxiety to worries about your sexuality. You also never thought a therapist would be a good idea. It was expensive and you were brought up thinking your problems were your own, not anyone else’s to deal with. After years of bullshit and deliberation, and a recommendation from a friend, you got a therapist. You’ve been seeing him for a few weeks now, not delving too deep into your problems but getting comfortable with him, it helps that he’s your age. He is foreign though, which is a bit odd to you, his name is könig, he’s an amazing listener and very considerate, at least after you got over how tall he was, and how handsome he was.

You’re now outside of his office, ready for your fourth session, preparing to talk about some real problems. You knock on the door.

König-“komm”

You assume he told you to come in. You like it when he speaks German a bit, but you still don’t understand it. You open the door with a weak smile and close it behind you.

Reader-“h-hey doc”

You say nervously, waking over to the seat next to him that you usually spend most of your time.

König-“ah, hello maus. How have you been since our last session”

You blush a bit when he called you maus, it always makes you feel so cute.

Reader-“I-I’ve been ok I guess. You?”

König-“I’ve been good. In fact I’ve been looking forward to this session. I think I’m finally getting somewhat of a read on you.”

He says with a smile. So warm and welcoming.

Reader-“well I….i wanted to actually bring up some real problems this time. I-I might get a bit emotional though, I-i tend to”

König leans forward in his seat, now taking your words much more seriously. He’s been waiting for this.

König-“go ahead. I’m willing to listen to whatever you have to say, and I don’t mind the emotions, I welcome it in fact”

You take a few deep breaths to hype yourself up before finally speaking

Reader-“well, one of my biggest problems is my self image, I feel like I’m not pretty or handsome enough you know”

You look down and play with your fingers for a minute, trying to get the nerves to go away. König just nods and writes in his notes, waiting for you to continue

Reader-“I uh, I also have trouble with my sexuality”

König’s eyes shoot back up at you, he wasn’t exactly expecting it but it’s a very welcome surprise.

Reader-“I’m bisexual but I’ve never really been in a relationship, I’ve also always been scared to tell people that. And it all kinda wraps around to the self image thing”

You both sit quietly for a minute, him taking your words in and thinking of how to respond, you waiting for him too.

König-“well, a very important question is where do you think those problems stem from, it’s very important to know that”

You think for a second and try to figure out a moment or moments that caused it

Reader-“how my parents were when I was younger I guess. They weren’t hateful or homophobic or anything, just….they didn’t make me feel like I could trust them. Made me feel like I wasn’t allowed to mess up, or do something they might not like”

König-“that’s understandable, a lot of problems stem from how parents have treated their children. A lot of parents don’t even realize that they’re doing it. Or how much they’re affecting their child.”

He says in a very soft tone, leaning in a bit closer, attempting to comfort you in some way. You nod

Reader-“yeah, I just…I don’t know”

You start to get a bit choked up, thinking about how you were as a kid, how carefree you were, how innocent you were. Then how you are now, how sad you are, the things you feel like you’re missing out on. It all comes out in a stream of tears.

König-“it-it’s ok to cry. Don’t feel bad”

He leans in and hugs you softly, and you latch into him like he’s the only one who’s shown you this kind of kindness. You’ve just barely opened up and you’re already crying, you feel pathetic, but he helps to get rid of those thoughts.

Reader-“I just feel broken. Like I can’t be me. Like I’m not good enough”

You cry into his shoulder, letting out all of those feelings of inadequacy. He leans in and whispers.

König-“none of that is true maus. I haven’t known you for long but you seem very nice, and considerate of others. You’re not broken, you can be you. You are good enough”

These words make you cry more. They’re the nicest things you’ve ever heard. And after he says them he leans in and kisses your forehead, which is more than a therapist should but…you like it, he makes you feel cared about.

König-“you’re very pretty, or handsome, or whatever word you want to use. You’re enough how you are, and I’ll be here to help you realize that”

Reader-“th-thank you”

You stammer out through your sniffles and tears. He hold you close, rubbing your hair and giving you soft kisses every now and then, until the end of the session. He cares…he’s the first one….he really cares.

[angstysebfan]

My Roommates Boyrfriend - Chapter 6

Pairing: Bucky x Female Reader AU: Modern

Chapter Summary: The next morning the reader reads something that makes her question everything. We finally get to Seattle! Warnings: Angst, implied Bucky being an asshole, cursing

Series Masterlist

--

You lay naked under the sheet, your head on Bucky’s chest, his right arm wrapped around you drawing shapes on your back with his fingertips, and his left hand playing with your right hand. He kisses the top of your head softly as you sigh in content. You've never felt so happy in your life. You were sure that you more than liked Bucky at this point, but you still didn’t want to do anything more until you spoke with Nat. You already went too far, but right now you didn't care.

“That was amazing,” you say softly with a smile on your face.

You hear and feel Bucky’s chuckle, “Yeah, it was. Best I've ever had,” He says kissing your forehead softly when you looked up at him.

You laugh, “I highly doubt that,” you say looking down at your hand in his.

Bucky lets go of your hand and cups your face so he can look into your eyes. “Really baby. I mean it,” he says before kissing you again on the forehead, nose, and then lips. 

You run your hand through his hair, staring into his beautiful eyes before snuggling into the crook of his neck. Suddenly your eyes start feeling very heavy. Before you knew it, you fall into a deep sleep in Bucky’s arms. 

You're awoken by the alarm on his phone. Bucky groans as he reaches on the night stand and turns it off. He then wraps his arms around you and nuzzles his nose into your hair placing soft kisses on your head. You blink several times, trying to get your eyes to stay open.

You yawn, “We should get going if we want to spend some time with Nat today,” you say. Suddenly you sit up in a panic.

“Oh my god, what're we gonna to tell Nat?” you shout in worry.

Bucky sits up slowly and rubs your naked back. “We'll talk to her. I know she'll understand. Trust me,” he says, kissing your shoulder.

You shake your head and cover your face, “I can’t believe I just slept with my roommates boyfriend!”

“Well technically I'm her ex-boyfriend,” Bucky says, grabbing your face to look at him. “Please don’t over think this. I know she'll be ok with this. If you wanna wait until further down the line when we're officially together then that's ok too,” he says.

You can’t help but smile, “You plan on datin' me when we get back to New York?” you ask.

He laughs and gives you a peck. “Oh most def'nitly! Though we should probably go a little slower than last night,” he says with a laugh, kissing your lips again. He feels addicted to your lips.

You both finally get up and go in search of clothes. You grab your phone to text Nat, to inform her that you'll be in Seattle in a few short hours, but your phone won’t turn on. 

“Damn! My phone's dead, and I wanted to text Nat to let her know we'll be in Seattle soon.”

Bucky threw his phone over to you. “Use mine. I’m gonna use the bathroom and change,” he said as he walks into the bathroom and closes the door.

You look down at his phone and realize he has a text message open to Sam. You want to quickly close it to open a new text, but his text and Sam's response catches your eye:

Bucky: You were right, I owe you $50.

Sam: Man I knew it! How far did you get?

Tears rush to your eyes. He made a bet on getting with you?! What the fuck kind of bullshit is that? Everything he said was a lie! Why? Was it to get back at you for the misunderstanding a year ago! You feel the tears blur your vision, but quickly wipe them away. You want to walk into that bathroom and punch him in the face, but decide to just finish the trip, go home, and never see him again!

You quickly sent Nat the text telling her you will both see her in a few hours and that your phone is dead, but you will charge it in the car. As you place Bucky’s phone on the nightstand, he comes out of the bathroom, giving you a warm smile. You look down at your hands for a moment, before walking back over to your side of the bed to finish packing your stuff. 

“We should get going,” you say sternly.

Bucky furrows his brow at you, “You okay?” he asks.

You look at him, with no emotion on your face. “I’m fine, can we just go please?” you say, putting your duffle bag on your shoulder.

You walk out of the room and head for the elevator, with Bucky’s hand on your lower back. You shrug away from him as you get into the elevator. 

“What’s wrong?” he asks concerned.

You ignore him, keeping your eyes on the doors of the elevator. Bucky starts to panic internally. Were you regretting last night? Did you blame him for what happened? Is this just your guilt? He decides to leave you alone for awhile to sort out your feelings, but he can’t help but be hurt with the way you're treating him.

–

You're an hour outside of Seattle, and you haven’t said two words to Bucky since the hotel. Once your phone was charged, you started looking up flights back home. Originally you were going to stay in Seattle a few days, but right now, you don’t want to be anywhere near Bucky Barnes. 

The earliest flight is 1 am this evening, which you quickly purchase. You know Nat'll be disappointed, but you'll just plan a solo trip out to see her another time. You feel Bucky glancing at you every few minutes, but you refuse to look at him. You just keep your eyes on your phone, or look out the window.

Bucky continues to have an internal war with himself. Should he confront you about the way you are acting? Did you hate him for last night? He really didn’t plan on sleeping with you, he just wanted to hold you again. But he definitely doesn't regret it, in fact he felt pretty good about it, until now. He hates that you're acting this way now. It makes him feel guilty and bad. 

When he can’t take the silence anymore, Bucky clears his throat, “Are you sure you're alright? You’ve been acting weird since the hotel,” he says carefully.

You don’t say anything, don’t even look at him. Bucky’s heart starts to race, and panic sets in. You're definitely pissed at him.

“Okay, did I do something to upset you? If this is about last night, I’m sorry. We can tell Nat, and I'll take the full blame,” he says.

You scoff, but still say nothing. Bucky starts getting irritated and pulls over to the side of the road. When he puts the car in park he turns his body to look at you.

“Y/N, please tell me what is wrong!” he begs.

You have your arms crossed over your chest and you keep staring in front of you. “I don’t understand what happened. We were great this morning! We had an unbelievable night that I never want to forget, and now you're freezing me out. Are you regretting last night?” he says, panic and frustration evident in his voice. 

Still you say nothing, but look down. Do you tell him what you saw on his phone? Should you give him a chance to explain? No! Why hear another excuse! You look at him for a moment then look back in front of you. “Please just get us to Seattle,” you say, emotionless.

Bucky continues to look at you with pleading eyes. He reaches for your hand, but you flinch away. His heart breaks. “You regret last night. I get it… I… I thought we were on the same page after our talk this morning, but I guess… I guess I was wrong,” he says sadly. Your heart breaks slightly at the sound of his voice, but you stand firm.

Bucky turns back forward and pulls back onto the highway. You hide the tear that falls from your face, but when you glance at Bucky again and see a tear fall down his. You want to reach up and wipe it away and kiss him, but all you keep thinking about is that damn text message. This is all part of his damn plan! He's a master manipulator and your done falling for his bullshit. You know once you got back to New York, he'd probably ditch you anyway.

Bucky decides to just give up on trying to talk to you, for now. He feels miserable. This hurts worse than breaking up with Nat, which says a whole lot on that relationship. He shakes his thoughts out of his head. Once they get to Seattle, he will have a few days to corner you and get you to talk about this. You have to tell him how you feel, you have to.

–

Bucky pulls up in front of Natasha’s apartment building. Natasha is there waiting, since you texted her telling her you guys entered the city. You can’t help the huge smile on your face as you get out of the car. You run up to Nat and you both embrace!

“I know it’s only been a week, but I’ve missed you!” you say into her shoulder.

She laughs, “I’ve missed you too!” she says.

She releases you and runs toward Bucky, giving him a big hug as well. Bucky keeps his eyes on you, and you can’t help but notice the sadness in them. When they release, she grabs both your hands and leads you up into her apartment.

“With my new job, I can afford a place on my own! I mean it’s nice to have my own space, but I miss having someone to hang out with all the time,” she says with a light laugh.

You smile at her as you look around the small one bedroom apartment. You walk into the living room and put your duffle bag down, and sit on the couch.

“Y/N the couch opens up into a full size bed and is comfortable, so you should have no problem sleeping there, and Bucky you can stay with me in my room,” she says looking between the two of you.

You and Bucky meet each others gazes for moment before you look back at Nat with a smile.

“I have the whole few days planned for us! You're both in for a treat! Tonight we'll go to a great restaurant downtown, and then this club for drinks and dancing. Tomorrow I found this cute brunch place we can try, and then–” 

“Oh, uh, actually Nat, I'm going to head home tonight,” you say softly. 

Nat looks from you to Bucky, who is staring at you in disbelief. You’re leaving tonight?! “Why? I thought you were going to spend a few days,” Nat says concerned.

You look at her and can’t help the tears that are coming to your eyes. “I-I know, but I got an email from work that they need me to come back sooner. I'll just have to plan another trip out here to party with you, alone,” you say.

“Bullshit!” Bucky says. You and Nat both snap your heads to him. “That's complete and utter bullshit and you know it!” he says angrily.

Nat puts her hands on her hips. “Ok, what's going on?” she says to both of you. You keep your head down, staring at your hands. You hear Bucky sigh.

“Look Nat, Y/N and I slept together last night. She's regretting it now and is back to hating my guts. I don’t know why though, because we were fine when we woke up this morning. But I think that's why she's leaving tonight. She wants away from me,” he says.

You glare up at him, before you look guiltily at Nat. She looks surprised, but you're shocked to not see betrayal in her facial expression.

“I’ll let you guys talk. I'm going to head down the street to that liquor store I saw,” Bucky says before leaving the apartment.

You look back down at your hands, not wanting to look Nat in the eye. Yes, you felt guilty about what happened with Bucky, but that's just the tip of the iceberg.

Nat sits back down on the couch and looks at you. “Y/N?” she says quietly.

You feel the tears sliding down your face and you choke on a sob. “I-I’m so sorry Nat. I'm sorry I slept with Bucky. I know you guys are technically not together, but I shouldn't have done it. And I guess the joke was on me because….” you can’t continue through your tears.

Nat slides closer to you and hugs you for a moment. You can’t help but sob into her shoulder. She rubs your back for a moment, which makes your feel worse. Why is she comforting you? You pull back and look at her, “Nat, I slept with your boyfriend, you should be angry at me, not comforting me!” you say.

Nat smiles softly at you and again wipes some of your tears. “Y/N, why do you think I had you both come out here together?” she asks.

You sniff and shrugging your shoulders. “Because you were tired of our fighting? I don’t know,” you say.

She nods, “Yea, I've been tired of your fighting for a long time, but it was because I knew you both had secret feelings for each other. There's no reason you both shouldn't see if something could come out of this,” she says. You look at her like she has 5 heads.

“Listen, if I was still home, I’m sure Bucky and I would have stayed together for a while longer, but he's not my forever. I know that and he knows that. I enjoyed my relationship with him, and, yeah, I'll miss him and his amazing body, but I’m not it for him,” she says.

“So because you know he isn’t it for you, you wanted to give him to me?” you ask confused.

She laughs, “Not exactly. After you told me how you were attracted to him that first night at the bar, I knew that you still had feelings for him. I mean he was an asshole to you, but I saw it in your face, and I saw it in his too. When he wasn’t looking at me… he was looking at you.”

You shake your head, not wanting to believe it. She sighs, “He told me about what Sam told him at the bar about you the other day after you talked to him about it. Of course I knew the truth and told him that, but that’s when I realized I was right. He was always meant to get with you that night.” 

You laugh, “Nat, seriously? You/re throwing fate into this? You know that's bullshit.”

She shakes her head. “Is it?”

You shake your head again. You're so confused, but glad Nat isn’t mad at you. She looks at you with concern, “So tell me the truth. Why are you really leaving early, because Bucky's right. Your excuse is complete and utter bullshit. Is it because you regret sleeping with him?” she asks.

You shake your head. “No, it’s not that. Th-this morning when I realized my phone was dead, he let me use his to text you. When I looked down I saw a test he had with Sam. He... he told Sam he owed him 50 bucks and Sam wanted to know how far he got,” you say, tears falling from your face again.

“He fucking played me! He lied to us both, because he doesn’t have feelings for me, Nat! He made a stupid bet that I would hook up with him!” you say.

Nat says nothing but holds you while you cry. She kept whispering it’s okay over and over. You pull back and wipe your eyes. You are so tired of crying because of Bucky Barnes. You just want to go back to New York and never see him again.

–

Bucky is walking back to the apartment with a small bottle of whiskey in his hands. He occasionally takes a drink from it, the burn feeling good as it goes down his throat. He hopes to God that your talk with Nat went well and that she'll talk you into staying. How was he supposed to talk to you about both your feelings if you're not here?

Just then his phone buzzes. He looks and sees it’s a text from Nat:

We need to talk. Now.

--

Chapter 5 / Chapter 7

Do you think the text is about the reader? Would you have reacted the same way? Feedback is appreciated.

Permanent Taglist: Permanent Taglist:  @rebekahdawkins @marajade1974 @missvelvetsstuff @phillygirl77 @pattiemac1 @winterslove1917 @vampire7595 @unkasworld @midnightramyeoncravings

Story Taglist: @unaxv @kandis-mom, @igotmajordaddyissues, @millercontracting, @thesoundresoundsecho, @kentokaze, @tornraltos, @bisexualnikkisixx

[shit-sorry-fuck-mybad]

Slider has always known, Slider has eyes and a functioning enough brain to realize that Ice is completely obsessed with Maverick, Slider knows things, he’s the guy that’s always there

The first time they properly met Maverick Slider could already tell that he would be a pain in his ass, Ice started that flirty teasing, Slider knew that Ice meant for it to sound mean, he wanted to rile him up and play his game, but something about it was just off, the tension was way too thick for it to go unnoticed, he always wandered if Goose could feel it too. Still, he didn’t say anything, Ice could figure it out later

The bite was just unnecessary, Slider could tell that Mav was just as invested in this as his pilot was, they were dancing around each other like a weird fucking mating ritual, then Ice decides to do a bite, he obviously meant for it to be threatening, he knows that, but to Slider it just looked really gay, but he doesn’t bring it up, he shouldn’t bring it up, right? Ice trusts him. He still tries to push it, he asks him if he’s ok, that he needs to be careful and concentrate on their goal, Ice looks at him like he’s trying to figure something out, he turns and says “don’t worry about me, I know what I’m doing”

He does not in fact not what he’s doing, he catches feelings, it’s not just attraction, it’s not about sex, no, Ice cares about Maverick, Slider sees it in the way that he looks at him, he sees how much Ice wants to comfort Mav, how he looks at him when they get in their planes, how he tries to make sure he’s ok, that he’s safe, he cares, not just as a pilot

They make it back and Ice and Mav get worse, he truly didn’t think it was possible, “you can be my wingman any time” “bullshit you can be mine” that shit might as well be a love confession, and Slider realizes that it’s not just Ice that caught feeling, they’re both in love. But they don’t talk about it, Slider doesn’t bring it up, Ice will tell him, he knows that when he’s ready he’ll tell him

Slider is getting tired of waiting, it’s been about five years since they graduated top gun and Slider is getting really tired of this bullshit, sometimes Ice can’t hang out because he needs to “do something” Slider thinks that’s a weird nickname for Mav, sometimes when they all get together Ice will sit next to Mav, close enough so that their shoulders touch and they’ll spend the night talking to each other, laughing at secret jokes and looking at each other like they’re the most precious thing they’ve ever seen, Slider decides that he’s limiting the time Ice has to finally tell him, he really can’t take more of this “we think we’re great at keeping secrets” little act

A year later Slider has had a enough, Ice is buying groceries and Slider goes with him and when he sees Ice pick up some disgustingly sweet cookies he knows something’s up, Ice doesn’t like those cookies, so he asks, and Ice casually says “oh, Mav loves them” and he snaps, this cannot keep going, so he grabs him by the shoulders and looks him dead in the eye and tells him “I swear to god… I swear to fucking god Kazansky that if you don’t tell me that you’re fucking Maverick then I’m going to walk away and you’ll never hear from me again, I’ve had 6 years of you two being all stupid and in love and I have reached my limit, why won’t you fucking tell me, just tell me, please” Ice freezes, he opens and closes his mouth several times before he takes a deep breath, nods and shrugs “I’m fucking Maverick” Slider let’s out a sigh and pulls Ice into a hug “thank god for that” and it’s finally over

It’s not over, Slider soon finds out that knowing about Ice and Mav without them knowing that he knows is way better than knowing about them and them knowing he knows, because now he actually has to play “best friend of your boyfriend”, he’s the guy Mav asks what to get Ice for his birthday, he’s the guy that Ice whines to about Mav, he’s the guy that has lied countless times for their asses, he’s the guy that needs to be there when Ice wants to propose, he’s the guy that has to endure hours of ring shopping with an insufferably nervous Ice, he’s the guy that has to execute their proposal plan to perfection, yes, even when Ice decides to change it last minute, he’s the guy that needs to make sure that their little backyard wedding is absolutely perfect, he’s the guy that has to write the greatest best man speech anyone has ever heard, he’s the guy that has to give all his parenting advices to Ice when Bradley comes into their lives, he’s the guy that has to tell Bradley all the embarrassing stories about them, he’s the guy that has to help Bradley sneak out of their house to go to a party, he’s the guy that has to be there for Ice when Bradley leaves, he’s the guy that has to help Mav deal with Ice’s cancer, he’s the guy that hugs Ice until neither of them can breath when he’s officially cancer free, he’s the guy that has to give an even better best man speech when they get married again, legally this time, he’s the guy that cries his eyes out when Ice gets his second diagnosis, he’s the guy that holds his hand when he’s dying, he’s the guy that has to be there at the funeral to make sure everything’s in order, just like Ice would’ve wanted it, he’s the guy that has to shake hands with people he doesn’t know because “yes he was a great guy”, he’s the guy that has to make sure Mav is alright after Ice is gone

He’s the guy, he’s always known and he’s always been there

[sockiess]

sam BEGGING you to let him give you a piercing. he doesnt care which one, he just wants to see you with a piercing because he thinks you'll look even hotter 😣😣

OMG YES I LOVE UR MIND

(imma do septum piercing because I have one)

Piercing

warnings: blood and needle mention

“Please babe” Sam begged me holding the needle and piercing tool in his hand. “Absolutely not” I cringed at the sight of the big needle. “It won’t hurt I promise” Sam whined. “Yeah that’s complete bullshit” I scoffed.

“Ok yes it’ll hurt but i’ll be here to take care of you.” Sam frowned. “please baby you’ll look so hot.” “Aren’t I already hot” I asked him climbing onto his lap. “You’re very hot” Sam replied rubbing my thighs.

“we’ll be a really hot couple all pierced up together” Sam said looking up at me with his big ole eyes. “Fine fine fine” I said

“Ok just lay down” Sam said softly, laying me down on the bed. “Sam i’m kinda scared” I frowned up at him. “it’s ok baby you can squeeze my arm if hurts to much” “okay..” I said raising my chin so he can pierce my septum. “Okay baby i’m gonna find the soft part in your nose it’s called the sweet spot.” Sam told me as he put on gloves. “ready baby?” Sam asked softly as he got the needle ready. “no but yes” I laid on the bed waiting for him to be down setting up.

“ok sweet girl i’m going to count to 3 and then pierce it.” “ok” I said as I took in some deep breaths. “1..” Sam said as he lifted my chin. “2..” putting the needle against my “sweet spot” as he called it. “3..” He said, pushing the needle in my nose.

“SAM OW WTF” I yelled as I gripped his arm like my life depended on it. “I know baby I know” Sam said softly as he finished the piercing and quickly putting a tissue on my nose so the blood wouldn’t get all over myself and the bed.

“how you feeling baby?” Sam asked softly scratching my head. “It hurts sammy” I said in tears. “I know baby, I know, you did such a good job my good girl” He said softly kissing my forehead.

“let me see baby” Sam pulled the tissue away and cleaned my nose. “There we go my perfect gorgeous girl” Sam starred at my nose with wide eyes. “What is it Sam?? Does it look bad?? Sam I swear to God if you fucked up my nose-“ I was quickly cut off by Sam “no no baby it looks perfect fuck you’re so hot” Sam said shifting around nervously. “Sam?” “Yeah baby?” Sam looked at me softly. “You’re hard right now aren’t you?” I smirked. “Maybe..” Sam replied softly kissing me. “I love you baby thank you for trusting me to do this” Sam said into my lips. “I’ll always love and trust you Sammy”

“we should pierce your nipples next princess”

“in your dreams”

THANK YOU FOR THE REQUEST I HAVE NEVER WRITTEN FOR SAM BEFORE SO I HOPE I DID HIM JUSTICE

AS ALWAYS IF THERE IS ANYTHING YOU WANT ME TO ADD OR CHANGE PLEASE LET ME KNOW🫶🫶🫶

[justagalwhowrites]

Yearling - Ch. 3: Noise

You start getting to know Jackson - and yourself. A continuation of Yearling ch. 1-2 found on Tumblr here.

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader

Warnings: Canon-typical violence. Attempted SA (not completed). No use of Y/N. Minors DNI 18+ Only 

Length: 6.5k 

AO3 | Chapter One | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Electricity had a sound. 

You’d never noticed it before but that had to be what it was. The buzzing. 

It felt loud in the small room, a constant whine that made your ears ring. Everything here was loud, it was so fucking loud. The people on the street outside, the sound of the lights and the power humming in the walls, the tick of a clock in the corner. 

Was the world always this fucking loud before? Were you just numb to it before? 

You closed your eyes and crossed your arms tight over your body. You were still in that man’s coat. Your legs were freezing, feet numb. Your fingers were starting to defrost and they hurt but your stomach felt oddly numb. The wetness of your blood was there against your skin but the pain wasn’t there. It should be but it wasn’t. You didn’t know if that was good or bad. 

“You’re a hard woman to keep track of.” 

You jumped back, away from the voice, eyes flying open, arms flying out and hands groping for something - anything - you could use for a weapon. 

“Woah, you’re OK,” there was a woman in front of you. She was older than you - you thought, anyway, you weren’t quite sure what year it was - and she had a gentle, kindly look to her. Her hands were up in front of her, empty except for a pen, a notepad tucked below her arm. “Not going to hurt you, you’re OK.” 

That seemed like bullshit. Everything in this fucking town seemed like bullshit, none of it made any goddamn sense. Your eyes darted but there wasn’t much here. It reminded you of a doctor’s office waiting room. A few couches, a coffee table with some books and old magazines on it - the kind of magazines your mom would put out, not the ones she’d actually read, shit with short stories and pictures of landscapes in it. Nothing you could really use as a weapon. Your best hope would be running. 

You should have just left when you had the fucking horse, you shouldn’t have listened to that man. It didn’t matter that he seemed strangely familiar and safe and beautiful you should have listened to your fucking gut and run, had you learned nothing since the outbreak? You don’t trust people, that’s how you get fucking killed or worse. People were dangerous, people were so fucking dangerous. 

And now you were in a town full of them. 

“Can you talk?” The woman asked, her brows raised, hands still up. 

“Yes I can fuckin’ talk,” you kept backing up until you were flush with the wall behind you. God this was fucking stupid how had you been this goddamn stupid? “Do I look like a moron to you?” 

“Absolutely not,” she said kindly. She was talking to you the way you talked with wild horses. Like she was trying to keep you from lashing out or taking off. “You just seem scared and like you’ve been through a lot. Sometimes people aren’t able or willing to talk after things like that and that’s OK.” 

“I’m fine,” you snapped. “Just need to get out of here…” 

“OK,” she said. “I can help you with that. Let me just take a look at where you’re bleeding and we can get you out of here, sound good?” 

“Why.” 

The woman frowned. 

“Why what?” 

“Why do you want to see where I’m bleedin’,” you asked. You were starting to feel the pain in your stomach. Your head was light, vision fuzzy on the edges. “What do you want with me?” 

“Just want to help you,” she said. “Promise. If you don’t get in bed soon I’m guessing you��re not going to have much say in the matter, you’d lost a lot of blood when you came in and you’re losing more. You’re going to pass out if you’re not careful. So just let me help you, that’s all I want to do.” 

She was right. You knew enough about keeping yourself alive that you knew when you were close to passing out and you weren’t far off from it. You couldn’t stay on your feet much longer, not without help. 

Help this woman was apparently offering. For whatever fucking reason. 

You tried to think of another option but your brain was fuzzy, too. Slow and sluggish, like working your way through the well worn pathways of survival in your head suddenly required swimming through Jell-o. 

But you wouldn’t survive if you tried to run now. Even if no one ran you down, you’d pass out in the snow and freeze in hours at best. That’s assuming no one else got their hands on you first. It was better to give in to whatever these people wanted and escape when you were stronger. Then you’d have a chance at making it. You’d stolen a horse once, you could do it again. And you doubted anything they were going to do to you here was going to be any worse than other shit you’d managed to live through. 

“You can look,” you said, relaxing back from the wall a bit so you were no longer clinging to the wood. 

“Thank you,” she smiled a little. “Come with me? It’ll be easier if you’re in my exam room. I promise, I’m not going to hurt you.” 

You didn’t trust that. You couldn’t afford to trust that. 

But she was probably in her late 60s, smaller than you and definitely weaker. Even injured, you could overpower her. That made it better. 

You didn’t say anything, you just nodded and followed behind her a small room with a padded table in the middle. She set out a step stool and patted the end of it. 

“Can you hop on up for me and lie back?” She asked. You kept your eye on her as you obeyed. You might be in here with this woman but you weren’t about to turn your back on her. The table was cold on your bare legs and you found yourself oddly thankful to the man who’d given you his jacket. You didn’t understand that either. “Just going to…” 

The woman opened the front of the coat and lifted the shirt, making you stiffen. She gingerly touched near your injuries and you tried not to flinch. 

“You pushed it too hard, honey,” she said, smiling a little sadly at you. “I’m going to need to repack these and you need to actually take it easy for a while, OK?” 

You looked back toward the ceiling and didn’t respond. 

“Let me know if something I do hurts too much, we can take a break,” she said, going to a cabinet and coming back with a tray of shiny medical equipment. She set to work around your stomach and your fingers dug into the cuffs of the man’s coat, the wool and leather of it comforting to the touch. “Want to tell me your name? I’m Carol Livingston, the doctor here in Jackson…” 

“What do you want my name for?” You clenched your jaw as you felt her pull something out of you. “What was that?” 

“Gauze,” she held up a wad of bloody fabric in a pair of tiny tongs. “Can’t stitch up a gunshot wound, had to try and make sure we’d cut off the source of major bleeding and then pack it for a bit while it healed. If you don’t do things like climb out a window and take off on a horse, it’s usually pretty effective. And I’d like your name so I know what to call you. Start a file for you since you’re here now, all that.” 

“A file?” You hissed it as she pulls more gauze from you. 

“Sorry honey,” she said. “Almost done. And yes, a file. You’re old enough, you remember before, you must have gone to some doctors, they had records. Going to flush this with water now, stay still for me, OK?” 

“I remember before,” you gritted your teeth and tried to think about something besides what she was doing to you.

“It’s important to have a medical history,” she said, sounding a little distracted. “And to keep track we need a name. Going to put more gauze in now, almost done…” 

It had been years since anyone knew your name. You hadn’t given it to anyone in decades.

The last time had been 2003. September 27, 2003, to be precise. 

Just a few days into the outbreak and you were already disoriented and uncertain about how much time had passed. But the first day was easy to remember. You rode Nike until she was foaming at the mouth, pushing her far harder than you should have. But you didn’t have another choice.

You stopped at a ranch, one that seemed quiet and still now. There were bodies, though. Flies were on them, gaping wounds in their chests and stomachs. One had a bite at their neck like Justin did. 

The ranch was big, one you recognized from the summer tourist season and taking rich people who wanted to pretend they were roughing it on trail rides. There should have been a lot of people here but they were gone. 

You were still quiet, guiding Nike slowly to the paddock, eyes wide open as you waited for someone - something - to come for you. Nothing did. 

You got off Nike for the first time since you’d left home, opening the gate and letting her in. The trough was dry and a horse in the corner lifted its head from where it was grazing to look at you, not paying you much mind. You looked around for a moment and found a water spigot and refilled the trough before pulling the gun from the waistband of your panties. The metal had all but carved a spot in your skin from where you’d been bent over it, clinging to Nike as you fled the chaos and the death. You crept toward the bunkhouse, so like the ones you’d fled hours before, when it was still dark. 

Pickings were slim when it came to clothes. You were the only woman rancher where you’d come from and there had been no women working on your parents’ ranch when you were a girl. You checked a few rooms at the bunk house before you spotted the main house through a window. If there was a woman living here - your best shot at finding pants and boots that fit - it would be there. 

You crept over the open land, gun in front of you and aimed at the ground, the sharpness of the earth snagging on your feet. The main door to the house was open and the table in the entry was overturned, broken glass from what looked like was once a bowl scattered across the ground. You tiptoed around it, hoping you didn’t cut your feet too badly, and went upstairs, whole body tense. 

It didn’t take long to find the bedrooms. There was a teenaged girl living here, one who looked like she was a bit younger than you judging by the posters on the wall and the canopy over her bed, but not much smaller than you. You raided her closet, focusing on things that could be a little tight but would still work - t-shirts and sweatpants. You emptied a backpack that had been tossed in the corner onto her bed and started packing. 

You found the master bedroom next. Thankfully, the rancher was married and his wife was closer to your size than his daughter. Another blessing, this rancher’s wife actually dressed like she lived on a damn ranch unlike your own mother. Her Levis were the same size you wore but a different cut than you usually went for. Her shirts would just about fit, and she had bras that were only a cup size off from your own. You got changed quickly and grabbed extras of everything. Her boots were a size too big, so you grabbed a few pairs of thick socks and layered them before putting them on. Being dressed again was a comfort. You hadn’t realized how vulnerable you’d felt because you’d been half naked, not just because you’d been attacked and everyone seemed to be losing their humanity. 

Next was the kitchen. You grabbed what non-perishables you could fit in the pack - a stash of Poptarts, cans of chili and soup - and gorged yourself on what was left in the fridge. You chugged sodas and peeled hard boiled eggs so fast that you knew you’d eaten some shell, too. You devoured the pears in the basket on the counter and added the apples to your bag before finding a canteen and filling it with water. There was a bottle of Advil in the pantry and you grabbed that, too. You tried turning on the TV in the living room, seeing if there was a news network that had information, but all that was being broadcast was an emergency alert signal, the sound so loud it made your ears ring. It said to stay inside. Like hell you were doing that. 

Overly full and no longer half naked, you made your way back toward the barn to look for tack for Nike. Once she’d had a rest, you planned to get underway again. It might be quiet now but you weren’t counting on it to stay that way. You’d feel better with some distance, at least until all this shit - whatever it was - got figured out. 

Once you were at the barn, you started at the gun safe. Lucky for you, someone had left the door hanging open in the chaos of whatever the fuck had happened the night before. There was just one weapon left - a shot gun - and some ammo. You grabbed all of it and put the ammunition and the handgun into a saddle pack you’d grabbed from the tack room. You loaded the shotgun and tucked it under your arm before you moved on.

You’d just found a saddle that would work well for both you and Nike when you heard the door creak. You spun, whipping the shotgun around into your grip, aiming it at the man standing in the doorway. He threw his hands up and froze. 

“Woah there little girl,” he said. You narrowed your eyes. “Not here to cause you any trouble…” 

“Then get the fuck out,” you said. “Shot two other men today, don’t mind makin’ you the third.” 

“You’re the one in my barn,” he said, still in the door, hands still up. “Takin’ my shit…” 

“This ain’t your ranch,” you looked him up and down. There hadn’t been a bedroom for a young man upstairs and he wasn’t old enough to have a teenaged daughter. 

“No but I work here,” he said. “Think I’m the last one left. Think that makes it mine. You’re not gonna lose your mind on me like everyone else here did, right?” 

“No,” you snapped. “Are you?” 

“Don’t think so,” he said. “But I don’t think they did, either.” 

You lowered your gun slowly, still watching him. He lowered his hands but stayed by the door. 

“That your horse out there?” He asked. “The filly?” 

“She’s mine,” you said. “Couldn’t get her tack before I left, wasn’t safe.” 

“You can take that,” he said, nodding to the saddle that you’d dropped in your haste to defend yourself from him. “Reins, bit and bridle, too. Whatever else you want… She broke enough for you to ride though?” 

You scoffed. 

“She’s dumb broke but I’m the one who got her there,” your fingers twitched on the gun. “Don’t need you fuckin’ her up for me.” 

“Sorry,” he said quickly. “Just never seen a girl rancher before, let alone one who breaks horses…” 

“I’ve been breakin’ horses since I was 13,” you stuck your chin out, defensive. “And I’m a champion bronc rider, too, so I can promise I can stay on the back of an unbroken horse a lot longer than you.” 

“Alright, alright,” he smiled a little. “Not tryin’ to call your expertise into question. I’m Leo, what’s your name?” 

You clenched your jaw for a second. Part of you was telling you to run, even if you didn’t shoot him, at least get the fuck away from him. 

But you were also alone. You’d never been alone this long before. You’d moved straight from your parents house into the bunkhouse. You had your own room but there was always someone just on the other side of the wall, always someone in the barn, always someone else working with a horse or repairing a fence or mucking a stall. You’d never been truly alone, not like this. If this guy hadn’t become an inhuman monster, maybe he never would. Maybe you didn’t have to be alone. 

You gave him your name. He stepped closer. 

“Nice to meet you,” he said. “Like I said, there’s no one else here. Everyone else is dead. Don’t think there’s anyone but you and me for miles. Stay. For a bit. You and I both know your mount needs some rest, not sure where you pushed her from but you pushed her.” 

“You would too if you were in my shoes,” you snapped and then sighed. “But she could use the rest…” 

“I’m just glad to know I ain’t the only person left who wasn’t some flesh eating monster,” he laughed once. “It’ll be good. Promise.” 

It was good, for a day. Nike rested. You and Leo went through all the rooms of the bunkhouse and the main house, taking inventory. You figured the two of you could hold out there for weeks at least while the rest of the world got its shit together. Plenty of time for things to calm down and some new kind of normal set in. You could figure it out from there. 

Your second night there, Leo raided the liquor cabinet at the main house. You recognized the labels from your dad’s own stash, the thick amber liquid in heavy crystal glasses as much a part of his identity as his belt or his hat. Leo poured you a cup and you got drunk around a fire, not far from the horses, the stars bright overhead. 

It felt good. You liked it. Until Leo tried to kiss you. 

“No,” you shoved him back, twisting your body so you could put your boot in his chest if you needed to. “Don’t fuckin’ touch me.” 

“C’mon baby,” he leaned closer but stopped when you gave him a warning look. “You really gonna tell me that I might be the last man on Earth and you’re turnin’ me down?” 

“Could be the last man in the universe and I couldn’t give less of a shit,” you snapped. “If that’s what you want, I’m leavin’.” 

You got up to go but his arms flew out, his eyes wide. 

“No, please!” He was begging, pleading. “Don’t go, please don’t go. I don’t want to be on my own here, I’m sorry I did that, won’t happen again…” 

You looked at him for a moment, eyes narrowed. But he looked sorry. He sounded sorry. And you didn’t want to be alone, either. 

“It better fuckin’ not,” you said, sitting down on the ground again, putting more distance between the two of you. 

He kept his hands to himself until you woke up with his weight on top of you. You could feel him through your jeans, your wrists in his hands holding you to the ground, his mouth by your ear as he moaned your name. 

You shrieked, making him jump, lifting his head enough that you could slam your forehead into his nose. It crushed beneath your skull and he yelped, his hands leaving your wrists and flying to his face as he collapsed next to you. You scrambled away from him, going for the saddlebag and grabbing the pistol from inside it. You aimed it at him, standing over him as he sobbed, holding his face, blood on his fingers. 

“What the fuck?” He was crying, his face red. “Why’d you do that?” 

His voice was thick. 

“Told you not to fucking touch me,” you snapped, panting for breath. Your heart was pounding, you could hear your blood in your ears. You were shockingly sober after all the whiskey you’d had earlier in the night. You aimed the gun at his leg and shot him in the thigh. He screamed. “Lucky I don’t fucking kill you.” 

You grabbed the backpack and tack for Nike, hauling it outside. You kept the gun easily accessible as you saddled her up before going back into the barn for one last check for what you needed. Leo was still on the ground, clutching his leg. You sighed and got the first aid kit off the wall, throwing it at him, before you got the shot gun and some rope from the wall. You tucked the pistol into your jeans, slung the rope on your arm and aimed the shotgun at him as you made your way to the paddock again. 

“I ever see you again, I will shoot you in the head,” you said. “Understand?” 

There was a trail of blood from his nose over his mouth, his chin, staining his shirt. 

“You’re gonna die on your own out there,” he snarled. “And you’re gonna fuckin’ deserve it.” 

“Better than living here with you,” you said, leaving him alone in the barn. You opened the gate and led Nike out before closing it and mounting up, keeping the shotgun accessible.

“C’mon girl,” you gave her ribs a squeeze as you pointed her in the direction of the mountains, away from the place you’d come from. “You and me, let’s go.” 

It was the last time you’d told someone your name. It was the last time you’d heard your name said by anyone who wasn’t you. It felt dangerous, sharing it, but you sometimes said it to yourself the first few years of the outbreak. First, middle, last. Just to make sure it didn’t fade into nothing. 

You hadn’t done that in years. 

But you did then, you said all three to the doctor as she gently put gauze into your body to soak up your blood. 

“See, not so bad to share is it?” She said, smiling gently. She got out more gauze and medical tape and put it over your wounds. “There, you’re all set. Want to see?” 

You nodded and she helped you sit up and got a mirror from a cupboard, holding it in front of your stomach so you could see without needing to bend as much. 

“You were shot twice,” she said, pointing to the spots covered in clean, white gauze. “We were able to make the worst of the bleeding stop and pull the bullets out without opening you up more, which is good. You have some other bumps and bruises but we’re pretty sure there’s no internal bleeding, which was a concern, and no broken bones that we could find evidence of. You’re just still down a lot of blood, hon, so you have to take it easy, OK?” 

Being shot sounded familiar. You knew there was a stretch of time you were missing. You remembered running, Cody helping you get out. You’d been on the run for three days - you thought, anyway - before they caught up with you, the fresh snow giving you away. You didn’t remember much after that. There was pain and red snow and something soft and warm that smelled woodsy and wild, like the coat you still had on. 

There was a knock at the door and you jumped, eyes going wide. The doctor smiled a little and tugged your shirt back down. You pulled the coat back tight around you. 

“Come on in, Maria,” she called, keeping her eyes on you. A woman opened the door, a pile of clothes in her hand. She was about your age, you thought, and pretty. She smiled a little at you. “She’s all set with me but I’d like to keep her here overnight, make sure she hasn’t lost too much blood…” 

“Sure thing, Carol,” Maria said. 

“I’m going to leave you in Maria’s very capable hands,” Carol smiled. “You’re OK now, honey. You’re OK.” 

She got up and left, closing the door softly behind her. You fought the urge to back away from the woman standing next to you now. 

“Hi,” she smiled gently. “I’m Maria. I’m sure you have a lot of questions and I’m here to help you. First thing, you’re safe here. You don’t have to be afraid of me…” 

“Not afraid,” you cut her off. “Just like knowing where I am and that I can leave when I want is all.” 

“Well, you’re in Jackson, Wyoming,” she said. 

You nodded slowly. 

“What part of the state is that in?” You asked. 

“Near the Idaho border, south of Yellowstone,” she replied. You nodded again. Not too far from where you’d been then. That was oddly relieving, knowing they hadn’t taken you that far. “And you can leave whenever you want. We’d just like you to not die when you do so we’d like it if you stayed with us for a little while, at least. You were picked up by one of our patrols a few days ago…” 

“This a QZ?” You asked. “There are a lot of people here…” 

“No,” she laughed a little. “No, we’re not a QZ. We’re a commune, just a few hundred people who have agreed to share the work and the benefits of living together as a community…” 

“So what do you want with me?” You frowned. You still hadn’t gotten a straight answer to that, not one that made sense, anyway. 

“Nothing at all,” she said. Her voice was so calm and even, you wanted to lean into it, to trust her. That alone made your chest tight. “Our patrol didn’t want you to die in the woods and we take care of the people who come here. You’re welcome to stay, if you want. We have houses, clothes, plenty of food. If you stay you’d have to pitch in but no more than anyone else.” 

You narrowed your eyes at her and she laughed. 

“You don’t look like you believe me.” 

“I can’t say I do,” you said. “That doesn’t… people don’t just do that shit, especially not now.” 

She smiled, a little sadly. 

“You were on your own for a while out there, I’m guessing,” she said. She was mostly right so you nodded. “We are an unusual place, I’ll admit that. But we’re good people and we’re proud of what we’ve built here. We won’t hold you prisoner and if you want to go, you can go. But I think you should at least consider sticking around. People aren’t all bad, you just have to find the right ones.” 

“And you think I’m one of the right ones,” you said, still skeptical.

She shrugged. 

“I don’t know yet,” she replied. “But honestly, anyone who tries as hard to live as you did is a good person to have around. And we have plenty of room here. May as well have you take up some of it.” 

You nodded slowly. 

“To start, let’s get you into something that isn’t bloody and a little warmer,” she said, holding out a small pile of clothes. “When was the last time you ate something?” 

“I’m not sure,” you said. “Don’t know how long I was running or how long I was out.” 

Maria nodded. 

“I’ll get you something small to start, see how you do,” she said. “In a day or two, when Carol says you’re up for it, I’ll give you the tour, get you settled into a house. Sound good?” You nodded. “I’ll leave you to it. Try not to hurt yourself getting changed, I’d rather not get on Carol’s bad side.” 

You smiled a little and waited for her to leave before you delicately shrugged out of the coat and peeled off the bloody shirt. She’d brought you a long sleeved t-shirt this time, a little oversized and pale blue. The pants were plaid, the same color blue in part of the pattern. You lay down to slide the shorts off and pull on the clean underwear and pants Maria had brought. Sitting back up took work but you were proud of yourself for getting there. You lifted the shirt and checked to make sure the gauze was still white, no signs of bleeding getting bad again. You shrugged back into the coat and were pulling on thick, wool socks when Maria came back, knocking once before opening the door with food in hand. 

“We’re starting you slow, don’t want to push it according to Carol,” she said. “But I have some soup, half a sandwich, an apple and some water for you. Eat what you can, OK?” You nodded. 

“Any questions for me right now?” 

“When is it?” You asked. She looked at her watch but you cut her off. “Sorry, no, I mean what month is it?” 

“November,” she said. “Early November, Thanksgiving is in three weeks.” 

Thanksgiving. You’d all but forgotten about Thanksgiving.

“What year?” You asked, brows raised, fingernails digging into your leg. 

“It’s 2025,” she said.

You tried to hide your surprise at that but it didn’t go well. 

“What?” She asked. 

“I’m younger than I thought I was,” you replied. It felt like you’d been with them for longer than that but apparently not. “Not that it really matters.” 

“You can say you’re even younger if you want,” she smiled a little. “Beauty of the apocalypse, no one is going to check your birth certificate. Just be 22 forever.” 

You laughed at that, hard enough that you felt the wounds at your stomach pull and you winced. 

“Sorry,” she said. “I’ll try to not be too funny. Anything else?” 

“Yeah,” you gripped the edge of the table. “Could you hand me that mirror? The one on the counter? I just… haven’t seen myself in a while.” 

“Sure,” she smiled tightly again and handed you the mirror, face down, before heading for the door. “I’ll see you again soon, OK?” 

You nodded and she closed the door behind her. 

It only took a few seconds before you could hear what felt like everything again. The room was tinged pink, the sun setting outside, and the electricity was buzzing. You lifted the mirror slowly and held it in front of yourself with your eyes closed for a second before you took a deep breath and opened them. 

Recognizing your own face was a shock. It seemed like, after everything, you should look different now. And part of you did. You were bruised and there was a cut on your cheek and you thought the signs of creases next to your eyes were more obvious now than they had been the last time you saw yourself. Your hair was starting to streak with gray. But your eyes were still your eyes. So were your teeth, your nose, your eyebrows. You were still you. You still looked like you. It was disorienting. It was comforting. You set the mirror down before you ate the food Maria brought you, suddenly starving but just a few bites feeling heavy in your empty stomach. 

Eventually, Carol came back and brought you to the room you first woke up in. The bed had been made with fresh sheets. 

“Here,” she smiled gently. “Why don’t I take that coat…” 

“No,” you said quickly, wrapping your arms tightly around yourself. She frowned. “No, I… I want to hold onto it, if that’s OK.” 

“Not going to try to run on us again are you?” She asked, brows drawn together. “Because…” 

“No,” you cut her off. “I just… it’s warm, I like it. I want to keep it. For now.” 

She looked at you, like she didn’t believe you. Which she shouldn’t. You didn’t want to keep it because you were cold or because you wanted to run. You wanted to keep it because it felt good. It smelled right. Your fingers tightened on the cuffs. You didn’t remember much about coming here the first time. All you really knew was because of this coat. The man had given it to you and when it settled over your body, the collar brushing your nose, the smell of it brought back a memory you didn’t know you had. One where you were warm and in a daze and swaying on the back of a horse with something broad and warm at your back. Safe. You liked safe. You needed the coat. 

“OK,” she said. “If you need a bathroom, there’s one right through that door there. I’ll be right out here if you need anything.” 

You waited until she closed the door before you crawled in bed. It was dark outside now but you knew it couldn’t be too late. Even so, you were exhausted, and you somehow felt safe enough to close your eyes and rest. 

*** 

“That girl is not sticking around,” Maria said as Joel sat beside Tommy in the mess hall at dinner. 

“Who isn’t?” He asked. 

“That woman you brought in from outside,” she replied. “She is skittish as hell, seemed fucking terrified…” 

“After seeing what she did to the men out there, we should be thankful she’s just skittish,” Joel said, starting in on his meatloaf. 

“What’d she do?” She frowned, looking to her husband. Tommy winced, bouncing his son on his leg. 

“Well, now, see, I didn’t want to worry you…” 

“Tommy,” she said in a warning tone. 

He sighed. 

“Well we found the other guys first,” he said. “One was just shot, nothing bad…” 

“OK…” she said slowly. 

“The other,” he sighed. “Well she’d damn near scratched his face off with her bare hands.” 

She startled back from him. 

“You didn’t think this was an important piece of information for us to know before we offered her a place to stay with us?” She asked. “Before you brought her into our community?” 

“Guy deserved it,” Joel said. Maria narrowed her eyes at him and he shrugged. “Well, he did. Did you look at her at all? Got the shit beat out of her. Looked like she’d been tied up, someone fuckin’ branded her….” 

“Jesus,” Maria shook her head. “Can’t say I looked too close, no. Too busy trying to keep her from taking off on me.” 

“Sure the fuckers we found deserved it,” Joel said. “We won’t give her a reason to do that to us so we’ll be fine…” 

He couldn’t be sure of that, of course. He didn’t know you, not really. But he felt like he did. Looking at you, it felt like he knew you. 

“Well it’s a moot point,” she said after a moment. “She’s taking off as soon as she’s able, mark my words. She’s terrified of this place.” 

Joel didn’t bother to respond. He knew what that felt like, coming into a place like this when you were used to something so different. It had been scary for him and he’d come here of his own volition. He’d known someone here. 

You were different. Of course you were terrified. 

Tommy and Maria left to go back home before he did and Joel sat there, watching for Ellie to come in with her friends. She usually did, about half way through dinner. If she came in the right door, he’d sometimes hear her laugh. That was worth sitting there for a bit. More than worth sitting there for a bit. That girl, her life, her happiness were worth a lot of things. He could justify damn near anything for her. 

But Ellie came in the door further from where he was sitting that night and he didn’t hear her laugh. She saw him watching her and shot him a glare as she crossed the mess hall. A warning message, of sorts.

“I’ll go back, but we’re done.” 

That’s what she’d said to him. She’d meant it. And that was OK. She was alive so he could live with that. But at least this way he got to see her. Even if it was just for a second. Even if she hated him through it. 

He was gone before Ellie and her friends were looking for a place to sit. 

It was cold out, without his coat. He stuffed his hands in his pockets, thumbs hooked on his belt loops. Going home sounded lonely. Lonelier than usual. He didn’t want to go bother Tommy and Maria, they had enough going on with a toddler at home. Getting a drink at the Tipsy Bison sounded miserable. 

There was one thing he felt like doing. It was just a bad idea. So Joel just walked for a bit, wandering aimlessly through the town, letting the cold bite at his exposed skin. But he kept finding himself back in front of the clinic, the light on in the front room. 

It couldn’t hurt anything, right? Just… he could check. Just check. 

Carol smiled when he opened the door slowly, the hinges creaking. 

“I can take a look at that for you,” he said, closing the door behind him. 

“Just a squeaky door,” she said. “Nothing much to worry about fixing. Can I do something for you?” 

“No,” he shook his head for a second, looking at the ground and cupping the back of his neck before he could bring himself to look her in the eye again. “I just… was hoping to check up on the woman I brought in. Make sure she’s alright. You know.” 

She smiled a little wider and shook her head once. 

“She’ll be fine,” she replied. “Just keeping her here tonight because she lost a lot of blood. But, as you know, she was up and about plenty today. She just needs to give herself a chance to heal before she tries to crawl out a window and take off on a horse again.” 

Joel laughed once at that. 

“Yeah, I’d say so,” he said. 

“I’m afraid I can’t give you your coat back, though,” she said. Joel frowned. “She’s still wearing it. Wouldn’t let me take it. I think you might need to go find a new one, Mr. Miller. I don’t think she’s giving it up.” 

“Oh,” he said. “That’s fine she… she can keep it.” 

He turned to leave before he stopped in the doorway. 

“Don’t tell her I came by,” he said. “Don’t want to freak her out.” 

“Sure,” she smiled a little. He nodded. “Have a good night, Joel.” 

“You too.” 

The night was still biting and cold but he felt a little better, walking home in it as he looked at the clinic window as he passed, the one he knew you were just on the other side of, wrapped in his coat because you didn’t want to give it back. 

He was still warm when he got home. 

Next Chapter

A/N: I'm so sorry this update has taken so long! I wanted to finish up Beskar Doll before I fully dedicated myself to Yearling and now I can settle into a comfortable writing space with this fic which I am so excited for.

Bambi has officially landed in Jackson and Joel has taken notice. I love that for him.

I'm also really enjoying this softer Joel compared to Lavender Joel. It's interesting to write the same character who is in such a different place in his emotional journey and I can't wait to explore both of them further! I hope you enjoy the ride as we do :)

I do have a taglist. Please comment below if you'd like to be added!

Thank you for reading! Love you!!

Taglist: @ashleymsnodgrass@planet-marz1@kalea-bane @juneswonderlust@ilovepedro @h-annahayy @starstruckmusiciansartghost@beccerjune@mumma-moonchild@netonetoneto@mellymbee@purplelye@n7cje@flugazi@evyiione@randomhoex@aliengirl99