#I know I'd get nothing decent done

[why-the-heck-not]

at that weird stage where like ik it'll take only couple more hours and I'll be pretty much done with this thesis, but ohmygod. It's the boring "I'll cross that bridge when I get to it"-stuff. And now I got to it and the bridge is so boring !!!!!

[seresinhangmanjake]

Forgetting

Jake Seresin x reader

Summary: Jake forgets to pick you up at the airport because of his ex, and for the first time, you think maybe you and Jake aren't mean to be.

Notes/Warnings: Angst, but ends fluffy. Fighting. Cursing. This was a request that I said I'd have done in a couple days and it took me a week and a half. Sorry about that. Also, please be gentle. I haven't written for Jake in what feels like a millennium.

Words: 2700

Jake Seresin Masterlist / Main Masterlist / Tag List

As much as it would kill you to know that he could be hurt, you hope he’s hurt. You hope he’s on his way to the hospital to receive life-saving treatment because if he’s not hurt, if he’s not receiving life-saving treatment, then he simply forgot about you. And that makes your heart want to claw its way out of your chest and scamper across the floor until it’s well out of your range to catch it. 

Your call goes to voicemail for the fourth time. You send your twelfth text: I hope you’re ok. I landed an hour ago. Please call me. Nothing different than the eleven other messages that have gone unanswered. Forty-five more minutes pass of you sitting on a bench by the airport exit before you finally surrender your last shred of hope and call Bradley to come save you. 

Within the hour, you’re sighing in relief, the sight of a friendly face almost bringing you to tears. He approaches you with open arms and you fall right into the embrace, comforted by the hug that should be in your boyfriend’s arms, and the warmth that should be from your boyfriend’s body, and the forehead kiss that should be from your boyfriend’s lips. 

“Please tell me he’s ok,” you say against your friend’s chest. 

A heavy palm rubs up and down your back. “No one could get ahold of him.”

Your head jerks back so you can meet his eyes. “Oh my god!”

“I’m sure he’s fine, kid. Don’t worry.”

“How can you say that? He was supposed to be here and he’s not and–” You pause when Bradley looks away from you, and a hefty stone settles in your gut. You know your friend well. He’s a good man, honest but sensitive, and when that honestly meets that sensitivity, it results in his inability to look someone in the eye if he thinks the truth might hurt them. You’ve seen it a hundred times, but never with you. 

Your posture wavers with your lengthy exhale. “What aren’t you telling me?”

Another great thing about Bradley: he doesn’t make you play any games. You don’t have to jump through hoops. You don’t have to ask the right questions in the right way in order to get what you need out of him, unlike many men, your boyfriend included, who recently has found ways to skitter around telling the full truth. 

“Javy said he saw him a couple of hours ago,” Bradley says.

Your back teeth clench. Your mind shoots to one conclusion. “With her?” you ask. Bradley’s eyes drift from yours again and you nod, a tear at the ready to leak down your cheek. “He forgot about me because he’s with her.”

“We don’t know that for sure, and–”

Your hand scrubbing down your face cuts him off. Your fingers pinch the bridge of your nose before you suck in your whimper and say, “Rooster, why did he even ask me to come here?”

“Because he…I mean, we thought he–”

“You thought he gave a fuck about me.”

“He does,” Bradley says, stressing his words in an attempt to reassure you. “He never shuts up about you.”

“Sure,” you say. “He gives so much of a fuck that he forgot about me to be with his ex. How can you explain that?”

Rooster sighs. His hands slip into his jeans pockets just to have something to do with them. “I can’t.”

“Exactly.” 

No one can explain it. Not you, not Bradley, not Jake. Everyone you know back home would be telling you to run for the hills right now. They were already wary of this ‘Navy guy’ that they’d only met twice around the holidays, who lives a decent distance away from your entire life and who constantly requests that you be the one to hop on a plane rather than the other way around. 

For the duration of your time together, you’ve been understanding of that sacrifice. You know his schedule doesn’t allow impromptu trips out of state, but that hasn’t made it any less exhausting for you. And maybe that’s a sign. Another sign. A nail in the coffin. Maybe you and Jake aren’t meant to be. And why would you be? You met him on a brief vacation to visit a friend who doesn’t even live in the same town anymore, and somehow, during those few days, he convinced you to take a chance on him. So you took the leap. But being that bold doesn’t guarantee you won’t fall flat on your face, and you think that’s exactly what’s happening. You’ve tripped over a guy only to realize he doesn’t care about you to the same degree that you care about him. 

However, you’re not the type to avoid confrontation. If Jake Seresin is going to mistreat you because of his ex, then he is going to do it to your face. He’s going to look you in the eye when he shows himself to be the liar he is. It may hurt more to go to him rather than get on the next plane home without so much as taking in a breath of fresh Californian air, but you’re too upset to let that thought fully develop, and a moment later, Rooster is following your stomps out the door. 

—

You find him at the Hard Deck, standing at a hightop with a beer glass in his hand that clinks against the one in his ex’s before he takes a sip. Bradley’s comforting hand lands on your back in solidarity. You only met him because of Jake, but the two of you bonded despite their differences, and having him by your side now makes him nothing short of a life-saver. 

He helps guide you through the crowd to the table, and when Jake spots you, he chokes around the liquid going down his throat. His blown-out emerald eyes rival saucers and his mouth gapes like a fish, but then his stare flicks to Bradley, and those eyes shrink into narrow slits. His face heats to a boiling red. 

“What the fuck!” Jake snaps, shocking the composure right out of his ex’s poised stance. Bar patrons close by turn their heads but quickly return to their own conversations. Jake steps away from the table, coming to a halt in front of you and his squadmate. “What the hell is this?”

You figured he’d be bothered if you showed up with Bradley in tow. And good, that’s what you feel he deserves. Jake’s been wary of the other Dagger’s closeness to you for a while, and even though you know—as does Bradley—that it’s an asinine concern, you have no problem using it against him now. But still, the intensity of his reaction manages to surprise you. You didn’t think he would be this angered by the sight of you with another man that it would have him overlooking his mistake of forgetting you.

Your arms cross. “This is your girlfriend and the guy who saved her when her damn boyfriend left her stranded at the airport.”

“Excuse me?”

Jake’s ex’s prying gaze tugs at your attention, but when you glance over his shoulder to catch her in the act, she quickly looks away—just more proof that whatever the fuck she’s doing with your boyfriend is something to be ashamed of. 

Bradley’s saying something. You can’t quite hear him over the anger-induced fuzzing in your ears, but you’re pretty sure it’s a scolding based on the twisting of Jake’s features as he shoots back his own words of aggression. And then your hand is in his and you’re being pulled through the bar, out the back door, and onto the deck where the only intrusive sound is the lapping of waves on the shore. 

“Why are you here?” he asks. 

You scoff to mask the heartbreak that comes with that question. “Because you asked me to be here.”

“Tomorrow.”

“What?”

“It’s Wednesday,” he says. 

“It’s Thursday, Jake.”

“No, it’s—” he freezes, and you don’t know if he’s tipsy or stupid, but it takes him a minute to come to the same conclusion: it is indeed Thursday. “Fuck,” he mutters.

Your lower back meets the edge of the railing, and you sigh, thankfully keeping in the tears. “What are you doing with her?”

“What the fuck are you doing with Rooster?” he returns much more forcefully. “Why didn’t you call me?”

“I called, I texted, I left voicemails,” you tell him, “But clearly, she was more important.”

Jake’s hands pat down his pockets, mouth setting in a frown when he can’t find his phone.

“Don’t bother. Phone or no phone, you forgot about me because of her. Last time I was here, you were late for one of our dates because of her. You spent fifty percent of our time together stepping away to take her phone calls,” you say, trying and failing to avoid the bitter taste on your tongue. “Just fuck her, Jake, if you haven’t already. I only came here to tell you that she can have you.”

You’ve never seen him fall apart the way he does. You’ve never seen the blood drain from his cocky face. You’ve never seen his features break and crack and contort into the vision of pure devastation as they do. His parted mouth must’ve gone dry because his next words come out slightly hoarse.

“You don’t mean that,” he says, but it’s more of a plea than anything. “Why…Why would you–” He swallows. A wrinkle forms between his brows and he shakes his head. “You love me. You didn’t mean to say that.”

You do love him—terribly so—but you’re willing to be one of those people who won’t view love as enough if it also means laying you out as a fool. “Jake–”

“Take it back,” he says. His steps are quick, and then you’re trapped where you stand, his hands on either side of your body, gripping the rail. Eyes drill into yours, and for a second, you feel a pang of guilt. “Please, baby, take it back. She doesn’t mean anything to me.”

“And I mean less.”

“No!” he says. “That’s not true. You’re everything, ok? You mean everything to me. She was just helping me, that’s all.”

“Helping you,” you mimic with a roll of your eyes. “Helping you what? Get off?”

With a little whine, Jake’s head drops between his shoulders, his blond hair brushing your collarbone. “Please. Please quit saying things like that.” His hands slide closer to your body and land on your hips. You don’t push him away—you can't—and his touch softens you ever so slightly.

“Then tell me the truth,” you say. “Right now. I’m giving you one shot.”

His head snaps up. His eyes flick back and forth between yours, ironically searching for your honesty, as if you’re the liar on trial here. 

“It was a surprise,” he tells you. “She’s a realtor now, and for the last few months she’s been helping me find a new place, one that’s bigger than what I’ve got because I was going to ask you to move in with me.” Your heartbeat stutters. A layer of goosebumps coats your arms. When you don’t respond, he continues, “I hate missing you. I hate how unfair it is that you’re always the one to come here because I can’t fly out at the drop of a hat. I know it’s a big step, but I figured if I had a place, I could show you how great things could be. That’s why she and I came here. We were celebrating because I’m signing on a house first thing tomorrow,” he says. “Well, that’s why I’m celebrating, anyway. She’s probably celebrating because she just made a decent commission.”

It’s almost unfair how that new information doesn’t make you feel any less of a fool. Had he told you that under any other circumstances, you’d be leaping into his arms, kissing him like you’ve been deprived of him for years, repeating ‘yes’ over and over between those kisses, but you can’t. You can’t because his explanation doesn’t fix everything. 

“That still doesn’t change that it’s Thursday, not Wednesday,” you say.

“I know, baby. That’s my fault. I was so excited, and I was thinking how perfect the timing was that I would be able to pick you up tomorrow and drive you by the house now that it’s officially mine, but I fucked it up.”

Jake’s thumbs press into your hips, and you’re instantly reminded of each moment in your relationship when you’ve felt that same light pressure on your skin. A gentle claiming. The same pressure you felt when you agreed to be his girlfriend. The same pressure you feel whenever you’re in bed together. 

You sense eyes on you other than your boyfriend’s, and when you turn your head, you find his ex staring right at you, an expression on her face that you wish you could say wasn’t one of distress, but it is. And worse, it’s obviously not distress for herself, but for Jake, as if she’s hoping she wasn’t just a contributor to a bomb dropping on his life. 

Jake’s busy staring at you despite your averted gaze, and in a monotone voice, you say, “She feels bad.”

He doesn’t follow your eyes. “Because she knows I’ve been doing this all for you.”

You blink. Your hand runs down your face before sifting through the strands of your hair. “You really want me to live with you?”

“Of course I do,” he tells you. He’s shaking his head, but you know it’s because he thinks any idea that he wouldn’t want you to be blasphemous. His hand cups your chin. “I love you.”

With a sigh, you push aside the rollercoaster of emotions, the misunderstandings that lead to frustration and hurt, and look him directly in the eye. And where moments ago you thought you saw lies, you see honestly. Where you thought you saw betrayal, you see love. 

“Can I see it?”

—

It’s small—a two-bedroom with a little driveway, the shingle siding painted a blue-gray shade that is more blue than gray; bundles of flowers bloom in the boxes under the windows; a bay window protrudes from the side of the structure facing the beach. And it’s perfect.

You can imagine building a life here. You can picture a dog that you’ll have to build a fence for and children years later that will have you reinforcing the fence because they’ll probably be like their father, and Jake didn’t choose to be a pilot because of his lack of adventurous nature. You look at this house and you can see the core of a family. A house that, no matter how far you go for Jake’s job, will always be home base.

Jake is leaning around you so you can both watch the house from the passenger seat window. “I’d offer to show you around, but I don’t get the keys until morning.”

“It’s ok,” you tell him. “I don’t need to see inside.”

When you say that, he falls back into his seat. The back of his head presses against the headrest. His fingers squeeze the steering wheel with his sigh of defeat. “You don’t like it.”

Shifting your body to face him, you say, “Jake, I love it.”

Just like that, his eyes brighten like a pouting child who was just offered a lollipop, and you can’t help but chuckle. You can’t help but forget everything that happened earlier in the night, all of it seeming so insignificant now, even though you know it’s not, and you both know that if he ever makes the same mistake again, he’ll have hell to pay. But something tells you that won’t be a problem. 

“Enough to live with me?” he asks.

You nod. “Enough to live with you.”

---

A/N: Thanks for reading! Comments make my entire world, so if you liked it, let me know? Thanks :)

[rottenbologna]

Three wishes

Pairings ~ Ona Batlle x Bronze!reader

Genre ~ angst

Warnings~ brace yourself?

Ona expected that you might scream, cry, demand answers or even slap her across the face but none of that came you were just frozen in the doorway completely silent, so she waited but nothing came. You were just silent.

Ona stare into your eyes that would normally tell her everything she needed to know but now they were just empty. No sadness no anger just..nothing. The silenced in the room stretched for an eternity, but y/n stayed silent which killed ona as she waited for something. Anything.

The soft click of the door is all she gets locking the scene of her in bed with other women. The other woman being y/n’s older sister that laid with widen eyes bed sheet pulled to her chest to hide her shame.

“y/n i.. please I’m sorry. It’s not…I never meant to hurt-‘

‘stop’ y/n cut her off shaking her head after resting the steaming beverage that’s in her cup back on the coaster. “it doesn’t matter.”

Ona looked like she selfishly wanted to cry but y/n couldn’t bring herself to care. Not anymore.

“can I ask you both something?” y/n’s voice is distant almost like she was in a different room altogether and never once did she ever meet her girlfriend or her sister who joined them now that she was decent in the room.

They both looked at each other unsure the aura of calm leaving them uncomfortable but they considered they both committed the ultimate sin in both their relationships with y/n and knee they had no choice be to indulged her.

"I want you both to grant me three wishes."

Lucy blinked in confusion while Ona paled gravely. "What..what do you mean three wishes."

"I'm sick." The words tumbled out of y/n's lips like it was nothing. "I've been sick for months and I've kept it a secret. I don't have much time left." Y/n didn't wait for them to react. "I don't want to leave the earth with any anger in my heart so please can you grant me three wishes?"

The room is silent as lucy choked on her quite tears and ona trembled. "What? Cat got your tongue or did you leave it in my sister's." A smirk that almost resembled one of a sadist graced Y/n's lips before it dropped back to a neutral smile.

Ona tried reaching out for her girlfriend but the girlfriend just stepped back out of her reach.

"I knew about all of this." Y/n gestured her hands between them "I'm not stupid but It's done and the least you both can do is grant me three simple things."

"What is it that you want?" Ona says after a long pause voice barely above a whisper.

"Three days." Y/n says simply further the girls confusion. "Three days of doing whatever I want."

"OK."

○●○●○●○●○●○●

When Y/n asked for three days lucy and ona expected to be put through the worst kind of torture just to make up for half of the pain they had caused.They Spent two of the three days waiting for an argument to burst out or pleds for answer but it never came. The guilt and sorrow ate away at them as the granted every wish.

The last day Y/n requested to spend the day alone with her older sister at the beach. She did as much as her condition would like her before they both sat staring at the sunset.

"Listen y/n i-"

"It's fine lucy."

"It's not! How can you be so cool about this how could you just have us do these stupid things like everything is normal?" Lucy stood up in her rage pacing as the gravity of the situation finally settles on her chest.

"Let me remind you im the victim here and however I choose to process that is now of your concern. You made your bed now lay in it." Y/n eyes never once left the sun patting the space next to her and her sister sat back down in defeat.

"I knew about you two way before three days ago like i said before. I'd be blind not to notice it. The way you both looked at each other, the texts and late nights. But I also knew I was sick and I knew I didn't wanna be alone so I let it go..I had my time for anger and sadness and right all I want is peace and if not that. Quite." I'm too tired for the what if's." Y/n sighed the exhaustion clear in her voice.

Lucy brought her knees to her chest then wrapped her arms around them to control her shaking. "I never meant for things to go this far..I never meant to hurt you."

"I don't need you to apologize luce the fact remains that you did hurt me and I just wanted you to know i wasn't blind to it. But like I said no apologies let's just enjoy what we have left."

Lucy slightly agreed and sat with your head on her shoulder till the sun went down after the moon took the suns place she felt the shift it was colder and much quiet than the silence from before she tried to deny it with all her but there was no changing it.

You were gone...

[airybcby]

It's Nice to Have a 'Friend'

( soft launching with the haikyuu boys )

a / n — these are fun to make so i thought i'd do one for my favorite boys. find the blue lock version here !!

content — haikyuu characters x gn! reader, takes place during timeskip, fluff, tried to make it as gn! as possible, but the photos have women, lmk if i missed anything!

synopsis — soft launching with the haikyuu boys <3

✿.｡. “ sun sinks down, no curfew, ” .｡.✿

has a great following for being 'aesthetic' even though they rarely try. most things they post have photos of things they've done in the week like pictures of their food or them working.

their followers are used to aesthetic photo dumps with 10 photos each that have no rhyme or reason to them, so when they get online and see a post from their favorite account with only 3 photos and the caption

" my love " with the song 'my love mine all mine' by mitski attached? there was immediate reactions, some trying to find out who this mystery person is while others seemed to be happy with just these little snippets of the relationship.

theyluvmeee: OMG?? anyone know who this is??

↳ anon2001: it's a soft launch for a reason. that's like- common sense i fear.

they don't think of themselves as a 'content creator', they just like posting their photos. however, they did like how much strangers on the internet would stand up for them and your relationship.

°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･ AKAASHI KEIJI, ennoshita chikara, ARAN OJIRO, daichi sawamura

has a decent amount of followers, mostly just people they'd known in high school and family, but there were a few hundred people who followed for the cute quotes that they would post before one of their chaotic photo dumps.

their usual feed was filled with the first picture being a quote that really made you think and then the craziest pictures. them face down in a puddle after a night out? yep it's there. pictures of them at a scenic dog park? also there

people began following them for the stark contrast that showed in every post they made, but when they posted something with no quote and it was a soft launch? their fans had immediately blown up the comments.

volleyballfreak: A SOFT LAUNCH? with who? omg.

and they had replied to almost every comment asking just who you were with...

' my lover <3 '

oh he was down bad.

°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･ YAMAGUCHI TADASHI, aone takanobu, SUGAWARA KOSHI, osamu miya, NISHINOYA YUU, kita shinsuke, TANAKA RYUNOSUKE

so so so sooo many followers (that came with being a professional volleyball player you supposed) many people who didn't even enjoy volleyball followed them because of the silly stuff they posted.

their fans watched their stories where they would post memes and such, something that many pros didn't do on the daily...because they had a reputation to upkeep. to be fair, all of their followers never knew them to be the brightest, so nothing they posted caused up a stir.

until they posted photos they took with, what was supposed to be, some mystery person with the caption ' a soft launch on MY minecraft server ? '

and it would have been an AMAZING soft launch...if they didn't tag your PERSONAL ACCOUNT on every. single. picture.

you weren't a pro volleyball player, you weren't an actor, you weren't even a manager, nope! you were just some normal person who lives an everyday normal life.

they had the spirit, just not the execution, but that's why their fans (and you) loved them <3

°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･BOKUTO KOTARO, atsumu miya, HINATA SHOYO, KANJI KOGANEGAWA

didn't get a chance to soft launch you before the paparazzi put out the tabloids of the both of you. the titles always saying something like "STAR VOLLEYBALL PLAYER WITH MYSTERY LOVER??"

the article was posted ten times over on every single social media platform there was, with many people with many different reactions replying to it

MSBYmomma: ur joking. he's literally mine

goofgoob: thank god one person on this team is in a loyal relationship.

the two of you hadn't even gotten the chance to open your own social medias before hundreds of texts invaded both of your phones. only from the people who knew of your relationship and were worried about the both of you.

so what did they do? reposted the photo on their story with two simple emojis...

"👍❤️"

°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･ USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI, kageyama tobio, OIKAWA TORU, sakusa kiyoomi

✿.｡. “ twenty questions, we tell the truth. ” .｡.✿

i love soft launches and haikyuu <3

likes, comments, and reblogs are appreciated!

[dark-lord-of-awesomeness]

I saw your tags from the post about Stanley not breaking Ford's project. I just wanted to add: imagine if Ford realized the truth years later when Crampelter told him that HE broke his project. Like "I'm a changed man and I want to get this out my chest: I'm the one who broke your project in high school. But since your life seems to be good, then it probably didn't matters hahaha— why are you having a breakdown right now?"

Oh Ford would be so devastated, especially because there was a whole second half that got cut in the tags when i hit reblog:)

For those of you interested, here's the OG post

(Also, if anyone knows how to make the link smaller, i'd appreciate it. I don't know why its so big)

I had a whole thing about Stan, getting accused of breaking Fords project and no one believing him when he says he didn't do it (not even Ford), goes back to school and finds evidence that he wasn't responsible, like a video or someone else fessing up to it. Only Ford doesnt want to hear it, too stuck in his own hurt to listen to what Stan has to say. They have a whole argument that ends with Ford shouting at Stan to actually own up to something for once in his life and grow up.

Cue hurt feelings.

Well, since Stan knows he's innocent, and therefore owes Ford nothing, and Ford doesnt want to hear about said innocence, he's going to use his hurt feelings and anger to fuel his petty ambition of one upping Ford. Ford wanted to ditch Stan and become a famous scientist? Well now Stan's going to do that. He goes to school, manages to scrape enough passing grades to graduate and works in the evenings to feed himself, graduates, and goes to college. Its not Backupsmore, for two reasons.

This is not a college reconciliation story

Stan's college is actually halfway decent. Its not great, but its not bottom of the barrel, for a reason that will become important later.

Stan's now in college, working to get any kind of fancy science degree, where he meets (Drum roll) Emma-May! She becomes his new BFF and helps tutor him, through their shared love of pettiness and crime. They meet by both breaking into the same terrible professors office, Stan to cheat and mess him up because he's a jerk, Emma-May to riffle through his files and also mess him up because he's a jerk. Stan's a great partner in crime, and together they manage to graduate and get their degrees. Stan doesnt have a million phds like his brother surpress-a-lot, but he's got maybe one and a grant to study what he came to school to study.

Anomalies.

Ford was always going on about them, so Stan's going to discover something, publish it, and become super famous. Finds the perfect place to start and everything! He's got a place, money, a friend (who, aw dang, couldn't make it to her wedding because he was working/studying or whatever, but he sends her a card and calls to congratulate her).

Then four years after getting kicked out, he moves into his new house/lab/base of operations in Gravity Falls. Surely this is where he'll one up Ford! He's going to shove his success in Fords face and then who will be sorry for ever doubting Stan's ability to grow up and get things done!

Cue pikachu face spiderman meme in the grocery store as the new scientist Dr. Pines meets the new scientist Dr. Pines. Their labs are either on opposite sides of town or right across from each other, and now they are racing to be the first one to discover something truly grand about Gravity Falls. Stan would have published in year one but he knows if he does it too soon with something small beans Ford will swoop in with something more impressive immediately just to mess with him. Both of them summon Bill and Bill pops up to both because its hilarious, but Stan clocks him immediately, then goes to Fords house the next day and says 'oh i bet you fell for that triangles tricks didn't you! LIKE THE SUCKER YOU ARE!!" and Ford can't admit that he did so now he only talks to Bill to vent about Stan but also knows Stan's probably right but he has to prove him wrong! Meanwhile Stan just gets angrier and angrier, because Fords using every opportunity to show off how smart he is, and can't even let Stan have this one thing. Fords a genius! He can do whatever he wants! Stan fell in love with looking at all the strange and cool things in the woods and this is all he has going for him, and Ford's being a jerk by not backing off and finding some other field to excel in.

The portal never happens, because both of them are too busy spying on what the others doing and trying to out do them in some manner. Stan makes fun of Ford for going to Backupsmore, both as a proud alumni of a better college, and to really drive it in that Ford could have done better with his better grades and smarts, but went to the worst out of some sort of 'if i can't have the best why even try for anything good' mindset. Ford hate's it because Stan very much has a point.

SO if Crampelter ever came forwards and admitted to Ford that he broke his project, Ford's world immediately drops as he realizes he is now the bad guy in Stan's story. Stan was innocent, told him he was innocent, found some kind of proof 10 years ago about being innocent, and Ford turned his back on him and trusted the words of everyone around him that his brother was a scoundrel who was jealous of his success. He didn't see his brother for four years over this, and their pa kicked him out. He's spent the last 6 in some kind of weird science off competition, growling about how Stan's a con man who lied his way into a degree for the sake of petty revenge (which he's sure Stan did! He's sure! Stan's a trickster and a liar and-and)

And his twin brother, who's been his neighbor for six years and maybe even tried holding out an olive branch once or twice that Ford snuffed because it was never an apology like he wanted. Because Stan was never going to apologize, because he never did anything to apologize for.

Anyway Ford would drag his feet over to Stans, apologize and tell him Crampelter confessed, then immediately get punched because really? Stan's been telling him for years that he didn't do it, and Ford only believes it because the truth came from someone else? Anger! Anger towards brother a hundred years!

Now the shoes on the other foot as Ford's scrambling to figure out what he's supposed to be doing about all this while Stan's a pile of misery over Ford trusting their childhood bully more than Stan himself. No idea how this would shake out long term, but its what i got.

[just-null]

*gives null his favorite things in hopes of thinking about this*

What if, from all the stalking the Hantengu clones had done to their darling, their darling develops a lot of paranoia and doesn't let anyone near anymore?

Or maybe their darling has a lot of trauma from man going awful, unspeakable things to them?

((I don't know if I should refer to their darling as female or male and that's my first time ever asking a favorite creator of mine, please don't judge me))

((the Darling can be whatever you want them to be, but I'll always be as neutral as possible, so don't worry! 🐸💖))

Considering that these men are also horrible, it's not surprising at all to find yourself going insane! I wasn't sure whether not letting anyone close included the boys or not, so I did both!

[Cw! Yandere behavior, unhealthy dynamics, obsession, manipulation]

Your sudden shift was wonderful at first! They finally had you all to themselves, and it gave them so much more time to evenly spread your attention between themselves without getting into usual fights.

When finding out about your paranoia, they feed into it, affirming your fears about others just to have you rely on them further. Never stray too far, not like you can, but it's better to be safe than sorry.

Do you want to go out but you're too scared? Wait, right there, they need to decide who goes first to clear the way while the others stay close by!! that way no one will bother you!

Their favorite hobby is stealing—er—borrowing! so you don't even need to worry about something as silly as money or finance to get what you want again!! All you need to do is ask, and it's yours.

Their bias is prominent. Where hantengu would yelp and shout, they'd laugh and scold, but if you were to do the same, they'd comfort and coo. It's cute.. do you want them to get rid of something for you? Hold you? Comfort you?

Nothing really annoys them (aside from each other) now that you fully rely on them. Be as clingy and jumpy as you want, and they'll coddle you. Being spoiled rotten is the goal as long as you continue to cower at the sight of another soul or the thought of being alone.

They almost seem like decent lovers at some point, solely focusing on you and your needs. Jealousy is at an all time low now that they don't have to worry about anyone else. They even begin to hide their violent tendencies, too happy that you're with them to care.

It gets to the point where THEY had to be the ones to leave for important tasks lest they be.. "scolded" by a man you don't need to stress over.

It's devastating when they separate from you.. When they fight, their attacks are ruthless. Brutal. Bloody.. Even Urogi and Karaku are more productive because the image of their beloved all alone and trembling has their unbeating hearts aching.

Even with all this, they're still scummy rats who work together to make sure things go their way.

Sekido doesn't rile up your paranoia unless you insist on going somewhere alone. "Be careful, don't wander off. Yell and I'll go get you, who knows what's out there." He's content with your fears already. In fact, he's.. sweeter. He doesn't get as mad as he used to, only slightly irritated. Seeking him out to protect you from something small gets the most blissed out expression from him momentarily. His hold is still as firm as ever, but he doesn't insult you as harshly. Quiet grumbles like "Such a baby.. what is it this time?" are frequent, yet he does whatever you want. Karaku is NOT helping at all. Ever since he noticed you got jumpier, he thought it'd be fun to make you squirm, though he probably teases too much and makes you cry.. Pointing and gasping at nothing, making noises from other rooms, asking, "Did you hear that?" until you're visibly shaking from every little creak. But it's okay. He opens his arms every time and pets your head, cooing at you, "D'aww, don't start the waterworks, c'mere. I'll knock it off, I was just playing..! Even if I wasn't, you really think I'd let something get you? Never!" Urogi probably will give you terrifying heart attacks. Because you're so dependent on them now, he can't contain his love for you the second he sees you. One second, you're conversing with one of the boys, then the next a blur of feathers and glowing yellow eyes barrels towards you, toppling you to the floor. He can hear your heart beating through your chest as he presses his ear against it. He loves the sound!! "Did I scare you again? Hahaha!! You know it's only me who does this to you!! Anybody else would be dead before they even made contact. I love how warm you are, the thump of your heart, the feel of your skin, everything about you makes me too happy!!" Aizetsu is your worst enemy.. He needs a damn bell! Each step is too quiet, and he knows this. it's purposeful. You need to remember why you're paranoid in the first place, so he lurks around, letting you find him if he's feeling kind or giving you that feeling of being watched if he's not. He doesn't do it for long, preferring to be the one you hold instead of watching the others make an opportunity out of his methods. When he lets you find him, he pouts, tilting his head as if you're the one who intruded on him. "Dont mind me, I'm making sure everywhere is safe. Did you need something..? Or did you feel how much i missed you? Oh, you're so nice to me.."

———

But then.. you began growing distant towards them.

They're not sure what happened. Honestly, they might take it as rejection at first and double down until they notice you're TERRIFIED. They pause and regroup, planning their next course of action.

They do a 180 and fight often when alone, blaming others, then each other for being too much on you. Their muffled yelling and thumping from fighting are loud enough that you hear, though they try making it up to you later.

They're not as aggressive, just confused and hurt. Attempts to be considerate come off very stiff, but they're trying. They can tell you're not faking it. The terror in your eyes is undeniable.

Even if they're extremely upset about it, they put their feelings aside for you. There's no use talking to someone who won't listen.

Their attitudes get a lot more cautious but desperate. They've dealt with Hantengu's jumpiness and constant crying before, but being the cause in your case makes this more complicated..

They attempt to give you your space, and insist you stay home. Don't like the home you have? They'll find you a new one, a better one, and promise not to get too close. Give them some time. After that, they get rid of any external factors that could be harmful to you.

Unsurprisingly, they can't help themselves and will try to approach and speak to you, even if behind a wall or at a distance. Probably set up a wall divider just so you don't feel as scared to speak to them.

They're desperate and want what they once had with you.. please don't shut them out. this wasn't how it was supposed to go.

Emotional reassurance isn't their strong suit (ironically). They never comfort anybody, not even Hantengu. Combat is their expertise! In their mind, fixing the problem outside will fix the problem inside ..At least, fingers crossed that they do.

It's because of those villains out there that you're so scared in the first place. What kind of disgusting shameless bastards assume they get the privilege to think of you, much less be near you?! The second they know what these "men's" faces look like, their insides will decorate the ground and-!

Ahem—

Let's just say they took a page from Akaza's book and treat men a little meaner than women. As in, making sure at least one bone of theirs is broken if they so much as breathe in your direction.

During the attempt at rehabilitation, they fall into roles according to how they handle you.

Sekido is your bodyguard that makes sure the others behave and you're taking care of yourself. His once long fuse shortened since he began blaming the others for your paranoia. He can't help but be protective. As much as he hates it, he won't focus on anything if he knows you're unwell. He doesn't say much aside from grunts and scoffs in hopes of not scaring you further. Karaku tries to lighten the mood and fills the silence with stories about what he's seen throughout his life, excluding the violent and aggressive details. Maybe even random stories he's heard, just to try and get your mind off of whatever is troubling you. He doesn't speak directly to you but around you so that you'll probably overhear. Urogi is the material comfort, bringing you gifts that the others check before they get left outside your room. The gifts aren't as ripped or scratched as they would usually be, but that's because he's trying extra hard to give you something that'll hopefully make you feel better! With his talons and excitement, Urogi doesn't see you as much anymore unless it's through the window when you're asleep. Aizetsu is the one who frequently speaks to you. He loves gathering information about you and hearing you speak in general. It's a pity you speak less, and when you do, there's a slight tremble.. it's cute, but you sound so miserable.. His airy, soft voice and gentle attitude grow sweeter when announcing himself, "How are you feeling? it kills me to see you like this.. please, tell me what to do to make everything better.”

The eyes you feel get worse since they're overprotective of you. At least they're not as secretive about it! They're insistent and happy that you avoid other people all together, though it'd be much better if they were an exception!

[fungateshortcakes]

It was nice while it lasted

My (now ex) best friend just ended our four year friendship, said she didn't see any future in it because we weren't chatting as much as we used to. She was my best friend, but i wasn't hers. I probably haven't been for a while. My birthday is this sunday and I wished she hadn't done this just two days before my birthday. I need comfort, so here is a short Logan drabble♡

Pairing: Logan Howlett x mutant!reader

Wordcount: 1k-ish, maybe a bit less

Warnings: english isn't my first language, none, just fluff, and a bit angst, friends to lovers, implied chubby reader

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

You sniffled quietly as you looked down at your bright phone screen. I'd like to break off contact. You read it over and over again. You had hoped you would never have to see these words, not with her. You were so stupid to think that your friendship would get repaired somehow.

You lived at the x men mansion, she lived far away in another city. So meeting each other was rare. The first time you met, she slept over in the mansion. Everyone liked her and you both had a great time. You would have done everything to get that back, that time, these moments when everything seemed like it was just how it was supposed to be.

After she finally found a job after searching for months, everything changed. She didn't answer your texts anymore, only if you were lucky. You tried to reach for her, tried to talk to her. But her replies were sparse and often dry. Said it was because she didn't know how to answer your texts and that she was so tired every day from work.

You tried to be understanding, tried to reassure her that it was alright. But when you saw pics of another girl on her instagram and later some random guy that turned out to be her new boyfriend, you felt it. That ache. You weren't her best friend any more. She could easily live without you. You were the only one suffering. You needed her, but she didn't need you.

You sat on your bed, wiping your tears. Why were you so damn stupid, you should have seen it coming. You were no ones favourite, you never have been. You weren't the number one for anybody, no one would chose you in a room full of people. You knew that, and that hurt.

Suddenly, the door to your room opened. It was Logan, he had a plate loaded with your favourite food in hand. He wasn't looking at you yet. "I got you some food, bub. Why weren't you down for dinner-" he started to ask but as he lifted his head and saw your tear stained face, his brows knitted together on his handsome face and he strided over to you with purpose, putting the plate on your beside table. "What's going on, bub?" He asked in the softest voice he could muster.

Your voice was hoarse and you just couldn't get a word out. He climbed into bed with you, sitting next to you and wrapping one arm around your shoulder to pull you against his side, his head on top of yours as he let you cry and shake in his arms. He wore that grey oversized sweater with nothing underneath. The fabric was so soft under your cheek. And so warm, smelling like him. You shoved your unrequited feelings aside, trying to calm your racing heart as he hugged you.

As Logan let you sob, his gaze shifted to your phone that laid abandoned on the sheets. I'd like to break off contact. He read the name over the chat and it dawned on him. He didn't need more information to know exactly what happened. You had always talked about your best friend and he had even met her one time. She was decent back then, but you would always come to him to vent when your best friend did something that hurt you. He had always told you to drop her, that she wasn't good for you, that you had so many friends and people that actually loved you around you every day. With people he meant himself. He loved you so much but never spoke up.

There was a time where he thought you and your best friend were together. Back then you'd get that question a lot because you were just that close. He was a bit salty about it and secretly hoped you would break up. When he found out you weren't actually together, he was awfully happy about it, a kick in his step.

As bad as it sounded, he was glad that the horror was finally over. He had witnessed your mental health worsen every time you beat yourself up over your best friend. He was frustrated when you blamed everything on yourself and wouldn’t see how bad she was for you. Still, he understood your tears. There had been a time where she really was your best friend and you loved her, you could tell her anything back then. And that was the version of her that you missed, the version you still held onto.

"I know this sounds rough, but you are better off without her" he mumbled against your temple, planting an experimental kiss there. As you didn't back away, he saw it as an invitation to leave his lips pressed against the side of your head. You hiccuped, nuzzling even further into him. "Why...why does it always happen to me? Why can't I keep friends, why do I always get so attached when I am worth nothing for the other person?" you questioned, voice thick from the tears. "All I want is to be loved by someone just as much as I love them" you muttered, swallowing the lump in your throat, but it didn't seem to budge.

He loved you. He loved you like you loved him. He did, so badly. But both of you didn't know. And it was eating you up inside.

You pulled back to look into his eyes "Am I unloveable, Logan? Don't lie to make me feel better" you asked him. You always told you that you couldn't be loved. But slowly you really started to believe it. I mean, who could possibly love someone like you? You were chubby, pretty introverted and didn't dress like the average. You had been bullied all your life for your looks, your personality and your mutation. The fat funny friend is who you were, the one that got asked out as a joke and was told, that they couldn't imagine you in a relationship. It was something you never truly learned to live with. You tried to hold onto the illusion that was love, hoped that one day it would find you like in the sappy romance movies you watched. You doubted it.

Your question hit Logan like a ton of bricks. "Unloveable? Are you even hearing yourself?" He asked and you had never seen him this shocked. You couldn't understand why. You had expected him to agree with you, allthough you never wanted to hear that from him.

Ever so gently, he held your soft face in his hands, wiping your tears away with his strong thumb. "You are the most easiest person to love, trust me on that"

Unbelieving, you shook your head. "I said don't lie-" you started but he shushed you quickly, your head secure in his grip as he forced you to look at him. "Look into my eyes and tell me that I am lying. Come on. Say it" he urged you on, his gaze intense and burning that it took your breath away, silencing any words you might have had. Even though you didn't correct him, he knew you weren't believing him.

He sighed, it would take a while to get all these insecurities out of your head. And your heart. But you were worth that effort.

"Let me show you just how much I love you" he mumbled before your heart threatened to jump out of your chest as his lips landed on yours. It was everything you had ever hoped it would be and you could almost not believe that this was real, that you weren't dreaming.

Pulling away, more tears spilled over your cheeks and Logan panicked. "Oh- shit, I'm sorry, that wasn't right of me" he coughed, his neck burning red in embarrassement. He was taking advantage of you, wasn’t he?

But before he could slide off your bed, you pulled at his sleeve. "No, no, it was alright. You couldn't have reacted any better" you giggled through your tears. His breath hitched as you zipped down his hoodie to snuggle against his warm, bare chest. You could feel his heartbeat quicken underneath your ear, though Logan quickly eased against the contact.

He zipped his hoodie back up behind you, keeping you close to him as you cuddled and kissed on your bed with this newfound information of you both having pinned for each other for years. You felt warm and safe and for the first time in a while, you felt like everything would be okay.

As long as he was with you.

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This was painful to write and incredibly personal in some aspects. I know that this probably won't gain as much attention because of that, as it may not be relatable for most.

But still, if you are going through something similiar, you aren't alone. There are many people that struggle, that feel this way about themselves. And while knowing that this doesn't really sooth the ache, it will get better. One day. I hope.

[bluewxrld07]

love ain't so pretty (Luke Hughes)

Warning(s): angst, gold-digger accusations, self-doubt, insecurity

Summary: Y/n is a hard worker. She may not come from a family of wealth, but she doesn't let that define her. Until Luke says something inn which that something is said in a way he can never take back.

She was so overstimulated. She was tired, she was sweaty, she had stains on her shirt from a spilt coffee mishap.

Yet she still had that smile on her face as she greeted and bid farewell to regulars and other newer customers. Y/n wiped the sweat dripping from her forehead away as she finished wiping down one of her last tables for the night, pocketing the leftover generous tip she was left.

As she brought the dishes to the back and hung up her apron, she saw one of her closest coworkers, Grayson, making his way towards her.

"We're going out tonight if you want to join? Just to Don's down the street." he tells her as she helps the chefs with putting dishes in the sink.

She purses her lips. "Not tonight-" her coworker groans. "I promised Luke I'd come home tonight and watch the rest of the Frozen four game. UMich plays tonight, so he invited some of the guys over and wants us all there to watch it."

Grayson puts his hands on his hips and looks her up and down. "Girl, you are absolutely smitten by this man."

Y/n rolls her eyes, feeling her skin heat up. "He gets me what can I say. He's the first guy who likes me as a person. Not as just something with tits and ass." She jokes, earning a playful shove from him.

They laugh. "Hey those guys back then were fine as fuck and you know it." He shoots, earning a defeated sigh from her as she grabs her belongings.

"Yeah yeah, that was back then. I'm happier now," she chuckles, giving Grayson a hug. "Tell your man of the night hi for me though." she jokes, earning a snort.

"Oh you'll bet hearing about it tomorrow don't you worry." Graysons calls out to her as she walks off.

As she drove home that night, she felt more of the fatigue slipping in from her twelve hour shift, her feet beginning to slowly throb from being on them nonstop.

She knew she would regret taking another twelve hour shift for the fifth day in a row, but in all fairness she knew her paycheck was going to look super nice. Not that she minded working anyway.

Y/n has never had things come easy to her. She came from a family of the lower class, and she had done what she could to support them while also getting her education.

When it came to college, she knew that she wanted nothing more than to graduate with her Bachelor's degree in health science. That all came to an end when her mom died, and her father was struggling to pay bills. So she put her dreams and scholarship acceptance letters aside, putting her family first and working her ass off.

Now she was working as one of the partial owners of a very beautiful restaurant, making a decent amount of change and ignoring what everyone had said about her decisions of not going to college. Sure she still wishes she could have experienced the college life, but she knew that this life was better than spending the rest of her life paying off student loan debt.

She worked hard to get where she got to, and working where she does is what caused her to meet her now boyfriend of almost three years, and she would be damned if she would let Luke be the only one making the money in their relationship.

He has always made comments about how he could be their income, but it always needed with her saying she wanted to make her own money. As well as knowing she would get bored not doing something with her life, and she couldn't face the thoughts of him thinking she would become too reliant on his money.

She snapped herself out of the darker side of those thoughts, knowing she does work hard.

Y/n lets out a sigh of exhaustion as she made her way up the stairs towards her and Luke's shared apartment, the sounds of the guys voices being heard as she got closer to their place.

The girl opened the door quickly to not disturb their conversation being had in the other room, shutting it quietly as she took off her shoes.

She set her keys and purse on the rack, making her way down the hall and pulling her hair into a knot on the top of her head.

The guys chuckles and conversations dying down a bit as she cam into view, everyone giving her warm welcomes and 'hello's. She exchanged a few hugs and greetings to the Devils players in her household, soon making her way behind the couch to hug her boy from behind.

Luke lets out a chuckle as he felt Y/n bury her face in his neck and place a kiss there, his fingers caressing her wrists that were around his neck.

"How was work, baby?" he asks softly, she hums.

"Busy. Long. Grayson asked if I wanted to come out with him and the rest of the crew, but I just could not. I'm so tired."

"How many hours did you work today?"

"Close to thirteen. I covered for Miriam because her son was sick." she sighs, laying her chin on his shoulder.

Luke places a few chaste kisses on her cheek and temple. "You definitely deserve a drink or two though."

"Yeah, but I wanted to come watch the game with you and the boys. I also don't get paid till tomorrow, so I'd rather just keep the money spending to a tighter budget." she explains, earning a grin from Luke.

"I could've sent you money, love. You never go out really," he assures her, but she shakes her head and stands straight. She squeezes his shoulders.

"Not the point, baby. I don't need you spending your money on me. I make my own money, I don't want to rely on you, you know how I get with you spending money on me." she says, placing a kiss on his head.

Luke just sighs, and looks up at her. "Why don't you go shower, and I will grab you a drink and something to eat for when you get back out here?" he suggests, she grins down at him and nods.

Y/n walks off to their shared bedroom and into the bathroom, shutting the door behind her to strip down.

The warm water instantly helps sooth her muscles and pains, earning some decompressing sighs of relief from her as she washes herself clean.

Once she is done, she steps out and heads towards the mirror to do her nightly routine. She shrugs on some cropped sweats and Luke's sweatshirt that was hanging up, brushing her hair after.

As she opens the door that goes back to their shared room, she sets her towel on her desk chair and goes to place her phone on the charger.

She pauses when she hears something from one of the guys, in which it makes her frown.

"Why didn't she go out tonight?"

She hears Luke sigh. "I don't know. She said something about not getting paid till tomorrow and being tight on her budget."

One of the guys snort. "What does she do?"

"She's a partial owner and full-time manager for that nice restaurant down the street overlooking the bridge."

It's quiet for a few seconds. "That's it? Nothing special?"

"Really? I thought she did something else," one guy chuckles.

"Nope, she's just over there." Luke answers quietly.

"No wonder she is tight on money. I thought she went to college and got a real job or something."

"I didn't know you'd stoop down to lower-class type girls Lukey," a guy jokes, making Y/n's insides churn.

"I don't that's the thing," Luke laughs, Y/n instantly getting closer to the doorway to hear what else he has to say. "She could definitely use the money I make here and there. She doesn't make shit compared to what I get."

Y/n's blood runs cold.

She knows she is not professional sports player, but she does make a decent amount, so hearing Luke say that makes her heart ache. The man that was supposed to stick up for her and love her regardless was saying things like this when she wasn't in the room. Who knew what else he was saying when he wasn't around her.

"Wouldn't you be worried about her becoming a gold digger though, man?"

Luke scoffs. "I mean yeah of course, but she's got this thing where she needs to prove to whoever that she can make money. So she will never accept a dime from me. She barely pays for our rent here, she pays a good forty percent. But without me around who knows if she'd have a roof over her head."

Y/n didn't even realize she was crying until she felt the drops hitting her toes, the girl instantly wiping at her eyes.

She couldn't listen to any more of their conversation, instantly heading towards their closet and grabbing whatever she could fit into the duffel.

If he was going to say this about her, making her sound like she could be so broke and so homeless if he wasn't around. She didn't want a man like that in her life.

Y/n grabbed her phone and charger, slipping on a pair of socks and her jacket before walking out of their bedroom.

She stormed down out past the group sitting in the living room, noticing Luke in the kitchen in her side view. She beelined towards the hallway that led to their front door, putting on her shoes as she heard Luke say her name.

"Where you going? I just finished making you your favorite!" he says in an excited tone. Luke's smile falters as he sees her puffy and red splotched face.

"Baby? What's going on?" he asked, as he began to walk towards her.

She just shook her head, grabbing her purse and keys. "I can't do this." she scoffs with a sniffle.

"Do what? Hey, hey, hey," he says, grabbing her waist to turn her back towards him as she begins to open the front door. His face falls completely at the sight of her broken one.

"I won't be some fucking charity case for you," she snaps. Luke's face frowning. "What?" he asks.

"I make more than enough money to be financially stable on my own fucking feet. I don't need you feeding some fucking lies to your so called friends that I can't pay shit. You chose the rent split percentage. You chose how much you wanted me to pay because you wanted to spend more on me."

Luke's face was white. "Y/n I-"

"No. I'm done Luke. Go fuck some high-class bitch that can afford everything you can and more. We're over."

Before Luke could get another word out, the door slammed in his face.

Luke backed away from the door silently, his figure coming into view to the boys who heard the door slam.

"Luke you good?"

He ran his hands through his hair, his eyes still locked on the door in hopes she would come back. Tears threatening to spill in his eyes.

"Luke?"

He turned away and towards the kitchen, swiping the glass on the counter away and letting it shatter on the fridge.

"I fucked up. Big time."

[skyahri]

So..? |Kakashi Hatake X Civilian! Reader| HC

Summary: Kakashi finally musters up the courage to ask you out.

Warnings: Nothing, really. Pretty tame. Civilian reader.

Masterlist Ko-fi

- - - - -

You worked in the hospital. It was nothing spectacular; the shifts are long, it can get a bit over crowded, and sometimes you don't even have time for a meal, but it's honest work.

You were decent with medical ninjutsu. You could heal cuts and bruises, but anything more was outside your skill set.

You have your fair share of regulars, Kakashi being one of them.

Sometimes, he's in and out - just there for a few stitches or a mandatory check-up after a long mission. Sometimes it's longer, like after his battle with Itachi or the Kazekage's retrieval.

You scold him every time for being reckless.

"Kakashi, you know what happens when you overuse your sharingan. Can't you at least try to be a bit more careful?"

He always dismisses you, promising that everything he does it put of 100% necessity.

You roll your eyes and fix him up regardless.

Its a lucky thing that you always end up taking care of him, or at least you think it is.

He's actually using his social pull to end up wherever you are. Kakashi Hatake, the copy cat ninja, is very well known and has earned more favors than he could ever cash in.

He remembers the first time he met you - it was several years ago, in this very hospital. He'd been injured during one of his Anbu missions and needed some critical care.

The hospital was swamped that day, and you were new. He could tell by how anxious you were. It was lucky that you had ended up with him, someone who wasn't picky about his treatment and wasn't bothered by nerves.

There was something about you, though he wasn't sure what. Yes, you're pretty, but he's seen lots of pretty girls. Maybe it was the confidence you emitted despite the cluster of the environment. Maybe it was the gentle way you touched him as yo wrapped his arm or the feeling of your chakra on his skin.

Either way, it stuck with him, and all the feelings he felt have only intensified over time.

Which is where we are now.

Eventually, he sees you outside of the hospital. A rare sight, really. He's perfectly healthy, between missions, and not being dragged around by his students for once.

Your last shift of the week just ended. You're carrying home your weekly grocery haul when he spots you and basically demands to carry some most of your bags.

He tries to chat you up, along about work, hobbies... potential partners?

"So what have you been doing outside of work, hm? Interesting... I see. And you do all of this by yourself, or..?"

You laugh, knowing he's fishing for specific information. He already knows you pretty well after seeing him so often at work. Maybe he forgot that fact in his stupor.

However, slick Kakashi thinks he's been all this time, knock it down by 60%.

You may not be a shinobi like him, but you're very well aware of people.

"No, Kakashi, I don't have a boyfriend."

He plays it off. Shoving his hands in his pockets and pretends not to be borderline giddy at this newfound information.

Once you reach your apartment, you have no problem allowing him entry so he can set your groceries down on your counter.

He looks around while you put things away. Everything embodied you perfectly. The plants, the color scheme, the decor. It was perfect.

Once you're finished, he becomes nervous again.

"So..."

"So?" You ask expectantly.

"Would you wanna meet up with me sometime? As a thank you for all you've done for me over the years, of course."

"Of course," you mock him lightly, crinkling your nose.

"I'd love to."

He let's out an animated breath.

"I'll pick you up tonight at 6? We can head to..."

The plans are set. Now, it's just a matter of patience before this long-awaited date.

Although you've been looking forward to this day for so many years, the anxiety is still there, and you're wondering how it'll go and if he likes you.

Little did you know he's having the same thoughts.

What if you didn't like him? What if he just damaged your friendship (could it even be called that considering how confined they had been to the hospital?) and now he's lost someone else because he's stupid?

Only time will tell, so may as well just shove down the nerves and prepare for what could be the beginning of something great.

[quokkaholic]

Confession and Cuffs s.c

Warnings/tags: suggestive fluff, cop hate lol, cussing duh, y/n aggressively flirty low key would be harassment irl. Lightly edited

Synopsis: You are a notorious criminal that is very familiar with your local police force. Detained on a faulty warrant and interrogated for hours, you give them nothing but sass and harsh criticism. That is, until you meet Detective Seo.

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You remain in the same sterile interrogation room you have been in for hours, stainless steel chair bruising your tailbone and digging into your spine. With an adjustable lamp clamped to the edge of the table turned off, the lighting is dim but you can still see the reflective surface of the one way glass opposite you. Even though you are alone, and have been for a while, there is no mistaking the feeling of eyes on you monitoring and examining your every move, every breath, every blink. You feel like it has been at least an hour since the last officer was in here with you demanding a confession to a crime you, for once, didn’t commit; even if you had, you’d never spill your guts to them. The only reason you are here now, is they arrested you under the guise of a warrant out for not paying a speeding ticket you received years ago as a teen. You know for a fact you paid it and got it expunged from your record, but it was so long ago you no longer have proof of the transaction. On top of that, it's a Friday night so the records department won’t be up and running again until Monday. These pigs orchestrated the whole thing to get you in their custody, and you aren’t even the perpetrator in this case.

Since your arrest, it has been a revolving door of officers trying different tactics on you. They’ve made offers of food and lenient sentencing. Tried to coerce you to sell out your compatriots. The last guy practically just screamed at you for half an hour, voice screeching and droplets of spit flying from his red hot face, trying to scare out a confession, but all you could do was laugh. He must be new, you thought, despite being a criminal, you have gotten to know and are on decent terms with a lot of the more reasonable officers. After having to release you on the grounds of no evidence countless times, many of them have accepted that your actions tend to only harm other members of the seedy underbelly of the city.

That is the case for most of the force, but obviously not the next officer that walks in. You can tell by his demeanor that he is going for bad cop as he saunters in with an expression of disgust and accusation when he looks your way. He avoids eye contact, maybe because he wants you to feel lowly and beneath him, but it's more likely he knows you will see through his ruse if he lets you meet his gaze.

“We know it was you” he spits flipping through a folder labeled evidence that is without a doubt filled with blank pages. While you usually give ambiguous answers or simply remain silent, you’re over messing with the investigators at this point,

“Hmmm no you dont” you hum out matter of factly

“Quiet! We’ve got you this time,” he must be really committed to the bit, raising his voice and ordering you around.

“Really? What dirt do you have on me? Go on. I wanna see.”

“It's in the evidence storage for the night,”

“You don’t have photos in that conveniently marked folder you've got? If I’ve told you dipshits once, I've told you 100 times,” you pause to squint at the name badge on his chest,

“Skinner, I’m not your guy” shouting back to get the attention of the people that are without a doubt recording, before leaning back in the chair that feels like a bed of nails at this point. Not allowing your discomfort to show, you continue,

“You're a bad liar, Skinner. If you had something real I'd have been arrested for a real charge and not some backhanded bureaucratic nonsense. I’m done talking” your statement punctuated by the crossing of your arms over your chest. The goose bumps on your skin are impossible to ignore; it's a damn icebox in here, another tactic to get you to admit to this crime you played no part in. Despite your refusal to engage, he went on accusing you and shouting garbage before stomping out like a frustrated child.

A while later, you are beginning to doze off with your head resting on the frozen table, but the sound of the locks being opened shakes you from your drowsiness. In walks a hunk not in the typical uniform. He’s got on a white button up that hugs his thick arms so perfectly accentuating his toned form and a black vest over it and pressed black dress pants with a key ring and badge clipped to the belt. You turn to the mirror and attempt the make eye contact with the people on the other side before blurting out,

“Oh so we’re doing sexy cop now? That's new,” before looking back at the man entering the room. He puckers his lips and presses his tongue to the inside of his cheek trying to fight back a smirk while dropping his file on the table across from you.

“I’m Detective Seo. I’ve been assigned to this case, and I just wanted to ask you a few questions” He says with confidence but politely as he pulls out the chair opposite to you and takes a seat.

“You and every other pig in this pen.” You say coldly before allowing your grimace to shift into a cheeky grin, “Don’t worry, I can kid around with them. We’re all close; I practically know them all by name” feigning sincerity in your tone.

“I bet you do” he lets the words slowly fall from his mouth as he mocks you for your seemingly endless unofficial record, opening the thick folder,

“I’ve checked out your file”

“Oooh a fan I assume?” you question, heightening your tone to speak more sweetly staring up at him through your lashes. He looms over you flicking on the table lamp. If he wasn’t so jaw droppingly handsome, you'd be irked by his attempt at asserting dominance over you. You like the look of him above you, but it ends all too soon as he pulls out the chair on the other side of the table and gracefully and controlled lowers himself into the seat drawing your gaze to his muscles straining against the fabric of his button down.

“You could say that,” he mumbles seemingly unimpassioned. His eyes skimming the papers in his hands,

“I can’t lie, I’m impressed. Life long career criminal and not a single conviction”

“I don’t know what this criminal nonsense you speak of is, but you're damn right, my record is as clean as a whistle. Well, I guess until today,” you aren’t trying to maintain an ere of innocence. Everyone here knows what you do for work, and you aren’t oblivious to that, but you’ll be dead before they get audio of some half ass admittance of guilt they can spin and manipulate to finally take you to court.

“We both know this charge is bullshit, and you’ll be set loose on Monday,” he nonchalantly muses and he peers over the top of the papers at you. His warm eyes would be mezmerizing in any other circumstance, but you have to remain sharp.

“You sound sad, babe. We’ll work hard to make the most of the time we have together,” you tease. Leaning forward to rest onto his elbows,

“I know I will,” he assures you then asks,

“So why did you do it?” he asks. You give an exaggerated disappointed huff before answering,

“So so handsome, but unfortunately just as dense as your mates,” clicking your tongue before continuing,

“Just as I told your last goon, and the one before that, and the one before that, and I’ll say it again just for you, babe, I. Didn’t. Do. It.” Holding unblinking eye contact you lean forward closing the distance between you, your voice becomes a cooing whisper as you go on,

“I don’t know how else to put it, love. Why can’t you understand me?” drawing up your eyebrows and slowly shaking your head to convey distress continuing to draw closer to him.

“My name is Detective Seo,” He mutters trying to correct you as he seems to struggle to keep his eyes from drinking in your approaching features.

“Oh I know, baby” whispering for only him to hear.

He has remained strong, not letting your seductress intimidation technique win out over his macho demeanor, but as you near only a foot of nose to nose separation he pushes back not only his upper body but his whole chair from the table causing a smug smile to spread across your features. His slight fluster is impossible to hide due to the pink rising to his cheeks and his lack of grace as he gathers his documents before heading to the door. Soon the feeling of watching eyes fall back over you, and you hope so deeply that they are his.

Despite the painful furniture and frigid temperature the only thing on your mind is Seo. He’s there when you’re awake being grilled by other cops or just staring at the damn wall, and when you get brief moments to rest, he's in your dreams.

You’ve long lost track of time in the windowless room, another way they are trying to disorient you to let your guard down. With some sweet talking, you convince them to allow you to use a private bathroom as opposed to the grimey stalls that the other detainees use. While you are lucky to be affording this luxury, you have ulterior motives. As your escort guides you through the hall passing cubicle after cubicle, you get a glimpse out the window. The light is dim and dusky; it must already be Saturday evening. Your romantic daydreams have done wonders for making time fly by. After a few turns down corridors, you see what you’ve been looking for, not the bathroom, a rich wooden door with a window covered neatly by a curtain, and just to the right a gleaming placard. Detective Seo Changbin. Such a pretty name for such a pretty man. You commit the path to his office to memory for potential future use.

They graciously let you rest for just a bit longer before starting up the interrogations again. Without fail you continue your typical slough of jesting and snarky comments without revealing any semblence of guilt, but unlike usual, there are some requests for the handsome detective sprinkled in. This continues late into the night and you can assume early into Sunday morning.

During a particularly kind session of questions, more like pleading on their part, you had just had a scrumptious meal hand delivered by your favorite officer; you are feeling generous. After some careful deliberation, you decide to throw them a bone but only on your terms.

“Bailey, you know me. You know I work alone and what little evidence you have points to a group of at least two. The fact that you guys won’t drop this line of questioning after hours of getting nowhere is making me question your sanity, lady,” you chide with a mouth full of food.

“I feel bad for you, hon. So bad, in fact, that I want to help you guys. I’ll share…” her face lights up as if what you're about to say will free her from this never ending game.

“But only to Seo” and her giddy face shifts to one of despair before one of determination as she rushes out the door pulling out her phone from her back pocket as the door slams behind her. Not an hour later, the man of your dreams is pushing open the thick door. Equally as confident as last time, but he has ditched the tough guy demeanour for a more flirtatious one to match your own.

“I heard you were begging for me all night” he humors with the corner of his full lips pulling up into a sly smile.

“Oh baby that wasn’t begging, that was negotiating, but I'll beg if that's what you want.”

He moves close, foregoing the chair and sitting on the edge of the table forcing you to tilt your head back to keep the steamy eye contact that makes a heat rise in your stomach. He sends you a wink and opens his mouth to speak, but you cut him off,

“Getting you here is only part of my request. I'll help you, but in exchange, I demand a date with you once I’m released”, his sultry look quickly shifts to a genuine smile and red cheeks as he breathily chuckles, shaking his head in disbelief,

“Before you go on about it being unprofessional, this is all just a big misunderstanding on record, babe. Remember, there was simply a glitch in the system that put out a warrant for my arrest. I am perfectly innocent. Actually, this is a massive mistake on your part and a major inconvenience to me. It truly is the least you could do”

“Oh really? I don't think innocent is the right word,” he leans down a bit, eyebrows raising knowingly.

“How about blameless? I'm just a blameless woman held hostage by a mismanaged police force, the least you could do is take me to dinner.” jokingly sticking out your lower lip to pout. He gives his best attempt at a disappointed sigh, but no matter how many times he attempts to release his tensing cheek muscles, they keep returning to a full smile.

“Fine, now who was it?”

“You think I’m that easy, Changbin?” pulling back clutching your imaginary pearls with one hand in faux shock,

“I'm not doing your job for you, plus I can't be on record selling out a coworker can I? Now, you promise me to take me out Monday after we clear up this silly clerical mistake, and I'll tell you where to look, you just have to trust me, yeah?” Caused by the name drop and your outlandish proposal, the shocked look on his face is genuine unlike yours.

“Trust you!?” he chokes out the question, but you just look back expectantly waiting on his response.

“I promise, y/n, to take you on a date this Monday” This the first time hes had a serious look in his face since he walked in.

“No take backs detective Seo” you warn. His flush brightens hearing you say his title for the first time after only calling him pet names.

“The old storage units on the west side of town”

“The owner? No way Mrs Lee had anything..”

“Let me finish!” you yelp, holding hand up to stop him.

“The owner of unit 87. Me and Mrs. Lee are actually members of the same book club, and I have it on good authority that the owner of that unit hasn’t paid his dues in three months”

“So he's the…” you once again interrupt him trying to jump to conclusions.

“No! I said I'm not doing this for you! However, your cute looks and eagerness make me want to help you extra. His kid has some unsavory affiliations, and they have been using said unit to store some… things. I'm not saying it's them, but what I am saying is the stuff you find there will lead you guys to the perp as long as one of you has even the barest minimum of reasoning skills. I know that can be few and far between in this line of work.” You just had to slip in that last jab, “Now, there's your in. You're welcome in advance, baby” He is a whirlwind running out the door, but before it shuts he shouts back to you

“See you tomorrow!”

They keep you in custody for the majority of Sunday, but no one enters to question you further. Only a few familiar officers pop in to chat or share a meal as you're finally able to drop the smug persona since Changbin is hard at work clearing your name. He returns to finally have a normal conversation with you and iron out the details of your date before your release. While it is policy to keep suspects cuffed on your way out the door, they usually never do, but Changbin insists. Both enjoying it a bit too much as he locks your wrists together before guiding you with a gentle hand on your shoulder. You stop before the main entrance of the station for him to remove your restraints. While your conversations have been respectful and polite ever since you gave the crucial information in solving the case, his smirk resurfaces as he twists the key.

“If you behave for me, maybe I’ll bring these tomorrow night.”

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A.n- I can’t be anti authoritarian; one of my best friends is a cop! Thanks for reading! I felt particularly delulu writing this one. Wanted to name this ‘If you’re bad cop, and I’m good cop, who is sexy cop?’. Also, what the hell else do you call a smirk? Lots of smirking in this one. I can only alternate bt smile, smirk, and grin so much before I start feeling silly

-mo (acab)

Masterlist

[madridfangirl]

Tit for Tat

(Jude Bellingham blurb)

It was evening in Madrid & morning in San Francisco when Jude's phone pinged.

'Hey.'

It was his girlfriend. One of his few silver linings in this otherwise shitty year. Jude smiled & picked up the phone immediately.

'Heyyy wassup.'

'You tell me. Wassup with you?'

'Not much. Had an okay training. Not looking forward to this weekend's game. Gonna be shite, all our backline is out.'

'Hmmm.'

'But only a few games to go. Then hopefully we rebuild. That's what we are telling ourselves.

'Hmmm.'

'To lift the spirits you know. And to keep going.'

'Your spirits seem to be fine.'

Jude thought it was a compliment. In their 1.5 years together, he had learnt to read sarcasm in her voice but was still catching up on text.

'Yeah well, someone needs to keep it cheerful in the dressing room.'

He smiled to himself while typing back. But when she didn't respond for 30 seconds, that was his first clue that something was off.

'Not just in the dressing room.'

His mind started whirring at supersonic pace. What was this about? He went to Twitter & searched his name. Most hits were about the game from a day before. He had actually done decently well in the match. Not great but not bad either.

When nothing came up, he had to ask.

'Umm what?'

She sent him links to two post match photos. With fans. Girls.

And Jude stiffened. But tried to downplay it. Coz there was nothing there, not really.

'What about them?'

'You tell me.'

'Just normal pics with fans.'

'Are they? Normal?'

'Yes.'

'The face you're making in the second one? BOTH her arms around you? Normal?'

Jude tried calling her but she disconnected at first ring. He sighed & went back to typing.

'She was just really excited to be there. Die hard long term fan. Like you. She was just giddy with excitement so we took a goofy photo. That's all.'

He knew she wasn't the kind to get jealous easily. She actually gave him a fairly long rope and understood some aspects that came with his job. Something must have really ticked her off about these ones.

The silence from her was making him jittery. He looked at the second photo again & something clicked in his head.

'It's the cheeks, isn't it?'

'What do you think?'

Yeah it was the cheek touching. Clear as day now.

He tried video-calling this time. Same result. Disconnected.

'Pls dove, lemme see you. Let's talk.'

Few seconds later, she called back. Audio call. That was all he was gonna get.

'Heyyy. So listen - like I said it all happened in a blur and I didn't realise that...'

'...that she's wrapped around you? And you're humouring it?'

Jude took a deep breath. Her tone was calm, too calm for his liking.

'Babyy....'

'Don't baby me.'

'I don't know what else to say really. Like...I hear you and I'd try to be more mindful but honestly...in that moment it was just normal. Harmless. Like you needed to be there to feel it.'

'The first one was harmless too?'

Something in her tone threw him off. It looked perfectly harmless. The photo. Then how could she possibly know?

'What do you mean?'

'Oh stop playing dumb. You know what I mean. Did she try something?'

Jude scratched his head. Literally. Because how the hell could she possibly know? Maybe female intuition was really a thing.

'Ermm...'

'What...did she do? Out with it.'

Jude felt like a schoolkid being reprimanded in the principal's office.

'Kinda...pressed her...herself...into me...a bit....but I pulled away soon.'

Ananya was quiet. She just felt that vibe from her instantly. Like many others who didn't shy away from trying with Jude. Perfectly ok to be a one night thing or a side squeeze for him. Shooting their shot even when they knew he was taken. The absolute lack of self-respect pissed her off. Sadly, there were too many to count. So much, that she was losing her faith in women in general.

'Bab.....dove, say something pls.'

She didn't. Coz she was mad.

'The first one was not my fault. I swear. Like I pulled away. I swear.'

She believed him on this. Could sense it from his tone. But these photos on her feed is what she woke up to and that made her cranky. Mostly at others but a little bit at him too. For being so delectable that everyone just wanted a piece.

The second photo continued to irk her though. For fuck's sake, her & Jude had an exact photo like this. Cheeks squishing & all. And she knew that Jude knew he was flirting with the line there. He knew it, but still made that fucking face, humouring that stranger.

Naah, he wasn't getting away with that.

'Hello hello. Earth to dove - you're freaking me out & you know it.'

'Maybe this could be a life lesson.'

Her tone changed, even calmer now. Jude sat up on the couch, his video game on pause, his snack forgotten.

'Like how?'

'Like every action has an equal & opposite reaction.'

Ok, this was NOT good.

'What are you plotting?'

'Plotting? Ooh such a harsh word. I was just wondering, since you find that photo soooo normal, it's only fair if I get one too right? With another man?'

Pin Drop silence. Heavy breathing. Just like she expected.

What a joy it was to give him a taste of his own medicine. So much fun. So she doubled down.

'Remember the guy who sits next to me in economics, the one who came to drop by the notes to my apartment when you were here? He's quite friendly. Maybe I'll go thank him today with a hug like that. And capture the harmless moment.'

Still silence. On second thoughts, she should have taken the video call. To see his face right now would be precious.

'Fine, you made your point. Let's drop it. Now.'

His tone turned deep. Authoritative. And that pissed her off even more. He didn't fucking have a leg to stand on right now & he had the balls to dictate things to her? To hell with that.

'Oh you'll know when I have made my point. You'll SEE it.'

'ANANYA - Be reasonable.'

'Naah that's boring.'

Jude shut his eyes & exhaled loudly, nostrils flaring, composing himself.

She was so fucking far, on a fucking different continent. If she were close by, he had multiple ways to resolve an argument like this, to shut her up creatively and make her forget everything else other than his name. He was itching to grab her right now but sadly, he couldn't.

He knew confrontation won't work, it would push her to do something STUPID. So he had to try a different tactic.

Tool 1: logic.

'I didn't go & do it myself. It happened to me.'

'Things can happen to me too. Many things. I just don't let them. By drawing a line. It's quite basic, not rocket science.'

And just like that, his logic went out the window.

On to tool 2: emotional blackmail.

'Dove, you know I'm trying. You know I can be stupid at times when I don't mean it. You know I love you.'

Now that would have worked in other situations. But she was on guard today. Plus, the impact of it would be magnified with a classic Jude hug, him clinging to her, nuzzling his face into her neck. But distance didn't allow that & it made her not fold.

'It's fun to be the stupid one at times. Wanna see what it feels like.'

Last tool in his arsenal: guilt.

'So you'll hurt me knowingly, yeah? That's what you wanna do? Hurt your baby?'

'Oh...you little.....I HATE YOU.'

This was the window he needed. The chink in the armor he was waiting for.

'And I love you.'

'You bloody ass. I know what you're doing. Don't think you'll win like this.'

'Win? How could I possibly win when you're so far away? When I haven't held you in 2 months? Fuck that win.'

'Fuck YOU.'

'Pls do. I'm dying out here.'

'JUDE BELLINGHAM....'

'Okay okay I'm sorry. How about this? You wanna get back at me? Fine won't stop you. But do it when you're here in 3 weeks for your field trip. When I'm around, when I can come get you if needed. Just....give me that.'

'I'm a big girl, I can take care of myself. Don't need my prince charming to come save me.'

'I know. But just for my peace of mind? Am sure you can find someone here.'

She was tempted to say 'what if that's someone from the club?' but she held back. Jude had no sense of humour when it came to her & she knew it won't go down well. It was a step too far. She didn't wanna hurt him that much. Just a tad bit.

For Jude, it was a calculated bet. It bought him time. And even if the thought was still fresh in her head when she came to Madrid, he'd fuck it right out of her senses. All he needed was to get his hands on her once.

'Fine.'

'You're the best you know.'

'I do know.'

'That's my girl.'

'The jury is still out on that.'

'The jury has already announced my punishment. Can we put this behind us now? Wanna see you.'

'Getting late for class.'

'I'll wait.'

'Class is for 4 hours back to back.'

'That's fine.'

'You have training in the morning.'

'Dove I won't be able to sleep till I see you properly. So call me when you're back, I'll be up. Need this.'

'...Ok.'

'I'm waiting.'

'Ok.'

'Bye love.'

'Bye Jude.'

......................................................

Don't ask me why I wrote this? Even I don't know. Just happened 🤷‍♀️

[luanna801]

Funnily enough, Jin Guangyao's "Even if he hadn't been murdered, A-Song still had to die" line is actually a significant part of what makes me think he didn't kill him. Because if we assume he's lying through his teeth and totally did murder his son, and he's just saying whatever lie will calm Qin Su down and put her off being suspicious of him... why even admit that much? Why not keep pushing back as hard as he can against the accusation, double down on "Of course I would never have hurt him, I never even considered such a thing, he was my son and an innocent child and I loved him, how dare you even suggest otherwise"?

It just seems like a really weird and counterintuitive move, if he's trying to falsely convince Qin Su he had nothing to do with this, to go the "I didn't do it, but if I'd done it, how could you tell me that I was wrong" route.

(More thoughts under the cut.)

It's not totally out of the realm of possibility - I know of real-life murderers who said roughly comparable things about their victims (see, for example, this infamous statement from historical murderer Richard Loeb, who looked a reporter dead in the eye and said "Yeah, actually, that kid is exactly the victim I'd pick if I was going to murder someone" about the kid he did in fact very much murder). But I don't really think it fits Jin Guangyao's MO - he's not an arrogant braggart seeing how much he can get away with, he's someone who's incredibly careful and doesn't just go blurting out incriminating things about himself.

I guess he could be hoping that if he convinces Qin Su it was ~totally all for the best, actually~ she'll just drop the whole line of accusation and stop feeling like she needs to dig into this any further. But again, that doesn't really seem like his strongest argument if he's just going to lie here anyway. Despite how upset and horrified she is here, he still has fifteen-odd years of her knowing him as a kind, seemingly? decent person working in his favor. I don't think that view of him would have entirely evaporated in an instant (although it's clearly severely shaken by the things she's learned).

So I think if he'd stuck to insisting he was horrified at the very thought and outraged she'd accuse him of such a thing, she might well have backed down and possibly even apologized for thinking he'd go that far. By contrast, him acknowledging that he did think Jin Rusong needed to die, even if he simultaneously claims not to have actually killed him, is just likely to make her feel like she's on the right track by suspecting him and he's probably just trying to downplay his culpability.

It's also true that it's a very emotional conversation that he does not handle well in a lot of ways, so like. He could be lying but just doing it in a really dumb way because he's panicking. But everything else he says in that part of the conversation (about being grateful to her for accepting his background, wanting to lie to her so she'd be shielded from knowing the awful truth, etc. etc.) seems to be an attempt at actual honesty, however warped and incredibly mishandled that attempt is.

And I think it makes the most sense to me that the "A-Song had to die" line is more of the same. He's genuinely trying to explain his perspective to her and get her to understand how he's constructed this in his mind, not getting that this is only going to understandably horrify her even more. And that is very much a thing you see in his confrontations with other characters, for all his ability to lie - he's just as likely to respond to accusations with at least some form of how he genuinely justifies things in his mind, even when it's something the other person is not remotely inclined to accept and ends up backfiring spectacularly (see for example also his confrontations with Nie Mingjue).

So to me, that's the reason that makes by far the most sense for why he'd say this. If he was going to lie, it would make more sense to claim total innocence and deny that such a thing had ever so much as crossed his mind. It's only if he's actually trying to be honest, in his very messed-up way, that saying he thinks this death was inevitable and maybe even for the best makes sense as a thing he'd willingly admit in that moment.

[mendessi]

things i say when you sleep | chapter fourteen

multi chapter bodhi durran x fem!oc

word count: 7.5k

chapter summary: After returning to Basgiath, Ania and Bodhi explore their free time together.

content warning: iron flame spoilers

AO3 masterlist

twelve | thirteen | fourteen | fifteen | sixteen

Xaden spends the better half of the day warding my door. I wish I knew how to show my gratitude because I know he'd rather spend his last hours at Basgiath with Violet. 

"Things are going to be different without me and Garrick here," Xaden says, entering my room. Only he and Bodhi have free access. Everyone else would need to be pulled through.

This morning, I'd been sure we were going to die. It's not every day you hear your own name read off the death roll. I'd just been thankful that Xaden's plan had worked through and through. 

"We'll be in charge of drops, I know," I reply. "Thank you. I know you'd rather be with Violet." 

"You're important to me too," He assures me as he closes my door behind him. "I wouldn't be here if you weren't." 

It feels wrong, finally being on better terms with him just for him to leave later tonight. He swears he'll write to me, but I wish I would have just made use of our time together here. I know I needed the space to grow into who I am today, but there's still so much that could've been different if I'd just listened to them in the first place. 

"I want to apologize," I say, but nothing else follows. 

He leans against the door, waiting for me to finish. "You don't have to apologize for anything." 

"I should," I reply. "You did your best with what I gave you this year. I made it really hard. I guess I should also say thank you. For caring enough to make sure I lived." I'm rambling at this point, but I've never been good at expressing my emotions. Which I suppose is why I ended up an empath. 

"Regardless of whether our relationship was on better terms or not, at this moment, I would've done whatever I could within my power to ensure you remained safe." He folds his arms over his chest and the corner of his mouth lifts. "But it is on better terms." 

"Yeah, I guess it is." I smile a little. 

"Are you still cut off?" He means by Gleigeal. 

"Until further notice," I reply, standing up.

"What happens if they pull you for interrogation? If Dain gets his hands-" 

"Dain is taken care of. I don't think he'll come for any of us after you embarrassed him this morning," I tell him. 

That surely was a sight to see. I didn't expect Xaden to make such a spectacle out of it, but I guess he had a point to make. 

"You can't shield with no power," Xaden says. 

"I know. I'm already decent at shielding, and as soon as I'm not cut off anymore, I'll practice with Bodhi." I reassure him. "Gleigeal would never put me in a position where I couldn't shield if I needed to." 

"I know he wouldn't." He nods curtly. "I just..."

"You worry." I finish for him. "You have plenty of other things to worry about. Don't add me to the list." 

"It's impossible not to add you to the list." He sighs. "The celebrations are starting soon. You should get ready." 

I cross my room and open the door. "Thank you for warding my door." 

"Anytime, little Alistair." He exits, and I follow him into the hallway. I have nowhere else to be, but being locked up in my room doesn't sound pleasant. "I'll see you soon."

He'll be back for the occasional weekend with Sgayel to visit Tairn. Luckily, that would take a lot of weight off our shoulders. 

We stand in front of my door, and I fold my hands behind my back. I stare up at Xaden, taking in the man in front of me. The person he's grown into is somebody that, in the best way, I don't recognize. He doesn't have to carry Fen's legacy, but he does. He carries the revolution on his back without anything to show for it. One day, when this is all over, there's a chance that nobody will know it was possible because of him. 

"What's wrong?" He asks. 

"I don't know if anyone has told you, but I'm proud of you," I say softly. 

He shakes his head briefly, and before I can think, I wrap my arms around his torso. He tenses under me, but I don't let go. Within the next second his arms are around me, squeezing me tightly. Tears threaten to spill from my eyes, but I hold them back. 

Xaden and I have shared countless hugs in our lifetime, but this one might be my favorite. This one, I know, is the most important. 

At this point in our lives, as adults, we share the weight of what we know about the world. The weight of knowing what we just went through in Resson is something only a select few can understand. But also, I'm realizing now that Xaden is and has always been a brother to me. Accepting the reality that he fought for me to welcome him back into my life and what that means moving forward. 

"Take care of yourself, Ania." He says when I pull away. 

"You too," I whisper.

Watching him walk away hurts in a way I didn't expect it to. 

The sun is beginning to set, and the end-of-year celebrations are kicking off, but I can't be bothered by celebrating tonight. It wasn't just my name that I heard on the death roll this morning; it was Solei's and Liam's. Two people that should be here celebrating with us. 

Liam hurts the most. His death is something I'm sure I will never get over. Knowing that his pain is something I'll carry with me is devastating. As I pass the gathering hall, I see the remainder of my squad sitting together at a table. At least Violet can bring herself to drink tonight. Maybe it wouldn't hurt if I had a few. 

"I've been looking for you." Garrick steadies me when I nearly collide with his chest. "Let's take a walk." 

I catch Ridoc's eye just as we walk away from the gathering hall. I barely spoke to any of my squadmates in formation, let alone after. 

"Why aren't you with them?" He asks once we make it into the courtyard. After eighteen hours on Gleigeal's back, I have an undeniable limp. 

I shrug, "Just wanted to be alone, I guess." 

"You shouldn't cut yourself off from your squad." He says. "You need them now more than ever." 

"I'm not," I argue. 

"Then why aren't you celebrating with them?" He says, gesturing back toward the gathering hall. 

"I don't see what there is to celebrate. You and Xaden are flying off to combat while I'm stuck here." I shrug. 

It's deflection. Something I've grown to be extremely good at over the years. It's not that I don't want to have these conversations; it's just that sometimes I can't. Xaden and Garrick are leaving. Liam is dead. Venin are real. I almost died. And I'm supposed to just proceed through my second year lying to the people I've unfortunately grown to care about. 

"Do us both a favor and keep yourself surrounded by the people who care about you." He rests a hand on my shoulder and offers me a smile. 

"I like this one," I fight the urge to roll my eyes as Gleigeal's voice enters my head. "He makes a lot of sense."

"I'll try." It is the best I can do. 

"I'll see you sooner than you think, little Alistair." He shoots me a wink before hiking the strap of his rucksack high up on his shoulder. 

"Take care of yourself," I call after him as he walks away. "I mean it, Tavis! Stay out of trouble!" 

"I know you do." His laugh echoes off the stone walls, but he doesn't turn to look back at me. 

Seeing him head for the flight field leaves me with a sense of sadness. It really was just me and Bodhi now. What happens when he graduates and I'm left here by myself? The thought is shoved to the back of my head, another thing I can't bear to think about right now. 

Taking Garrick's advice, I make my way back to the gathering hall. Violet is exiting, and by the look of the shadows, I'm sure she's on her way to meet Xaden.

"Hey," I say in passing. 

"You look like you need a drink," She replies, barely giving me a second look. Her time with Xaden is limited, and even though they're not on the greatest of terms, I know she still wants to see him off. 

"Look who decided to join us," Sawyer grins when I take a seat next to Imogen. 

"I was convinced you'd stay locked up in your room for the rest of the night," Rhiannon says. 

Imogen slides me her mug of wine, and I don't even hesitate before taking a sip. The taste is sweeter than I expected, but I don't mind. I quietly thank her. She looks at me like I'm as fragile as the pitchers the wine rests in and I'll break if dropped at any moment. 

It's apparent upon further observation that everyone in the gathering hall is either entirely wasted or on their way to it. I suppose this is what the next five days will look like while we prepare for the next Conscription Day. Maybe I should take advantage of the time being placed in front of me and use it to forget. 

"Imogen left the battle with a split lip. How did you get your limp?" The question from Nadine catches me off guard, and the way I recoil is visibly noticeable. 

"Maybe I've had it all along." I ignore her and down the rest of the wine from Imogen. She pours me another glass to the brim with ale this time, and I'm eternally thankful. 

There's no telling how many glasses of ale, wine, lemonade, you name it, I've downed within the hour. I'm positive that I've never drunk this much in my life, and I'm colossally regretting it when I try to get back to my room and stumble into the wall. The alcohol was supposed to numb the ache of what I've felt since leaving Resson, but all it's done is amplify it. All I can think of is the life leaving Liam's eyes while I drained the pain from him. 

"Woah, Ania." It takes a second for my vision to focus, but eventually, Ridoc's face comes into view. He's got my face in his hands, and he's saying something, but his words sound muffled. It takes everything in me to listen to what he's saying. "Come on, I'll take you to your room." 

He lifts my arm over his shoulder and helps me to my room. How I somehow managed to drink more than Ridoc Gamlyn astounds me. Once we're in, he lies me down on my bed and takes my shoes off for me. 

"What is it?" I feel the bed dip next to me with his weight as he pulls the blanket over me. His thumb brushes my cheek, and it's then that I realize I'm crying. 

I shake my head, knowing there isn't anything I could tell him that wouldn't give away the full story. "I don't know why I'm crying."

"I know why," He says quietly. "We don't have to talk about it now. But I'm always gonna be here for you, Ania." 

He's a good friend, and it hurts that I can't be honest with him. All he knows is that we saw battle. He'll never know the true extent of what we went through in Resson, and there's a chance I'll never be able to tell him. It's just another thing I'll have to carry. 

"I had to dismount Gleigeal," I whisper, unable to stop the word vomit threatening to spill out of me. "That's why I have a limp. It should go away soon."

His eyes narrow as he tries to process my words. It seems like he realizes that I'm circling back to Nadine's question from earlier because he brushes the hair that's fallen onto my face. The interaction is sobering. 

"I'm sorry," He says. 

The tears flow uncontrollably at that point, and the weight of everything from the past week comes crashing down on me like a landslide. Everything I've forced myself to not feel is overwhelming me all at once, and the sobs that rack my chest are something I've never felt before. I've had panic attacks and anxiety attacks but the way I'm crying now isn't from either. 

It's grief. 

Something I don't think I've ever allowed myself to feel in its pure form. Not since my parents and Beckett. The weight of Resson sitting on my chest. Soleil. Liam. 

I will be grieving him for the rest of my life. Grieving the time I should've spent more with him. Grieving the time I should've had left with him. He was so young. He had so much life in front of him. 

My heart fucking aches and throbs and refuses to stop. It genuinely feels like its being split in two, tendon by tendon. 

It could just be me finally coming to terms with what I went through the past week, but I know it's so much more than that. Going home to Aretia might've been the cherry on top of it all, but the way it hits me all at once leaves me gasping for air. I can't even reach into my head where the Riorson House library is to try and control my own emotions considering I've been shut off from my dragon's power. 

"What can I do, Ania?" Ridoc asks, slightly panicked. I'd feel embarrassed if I had half the mind. He climbs onto the bed, pulling me into his arms allowing me the breakdown I should've given myself years ago. 

My eyes are stinging, my cheeks wet from the nonstop flow of tears spilling from my eyes. My throat is so tight that it hurts to breathe and all I can do is cling to Ridoc's tunic for some sort of semblance that he's still here with me. 

"It's okay," He strokes my hair and it dawns on me that he's not the person I want here. "You're okay."

I'm eternally grateful that he's here to steady me as much as he can in this moment, but he isn't who I want. He's not who should be holding me. 

I've nearly cried myself to sleep, hiccuping, and barely any tears are left with Ridoc gently rubbing my back. The door swings open and I know better that only a select few have the privilege of doing so. 

"Get out." My head turns, and the broad figure filling the doorway gives me a sigh of relief. 

Ridoc doesn't hesitate, standing from my bed after gently removing me from his arms. I grab his hand just before he's far enough and he turns to look at me.

"Thank you," I whisper. It shouldn't go unnoticed that he was here for me. 

"Of course, Ania." He gives me a small smile before making his way toward the door. He and Bodhi seemingly size each other up before Ridoc whispers something that I can't hear. He's barely into the corridor before Bodhi slams the door shut behind him. 

He kicks off his shoes quickly and climbs into bed with me and I immediately wrap myself around him. My body fits perfectly into his and he smells of vetiver, sandalwood, and home and he's everything I need. His arms slide around my waist, pulling me tightly into his chest and the sobs force themselves out of me once more. 

"I'm sorry," I cry, keeping my face pressed into his shoulder. 

"Don't be sorry. It's okay. It's alright, sunshine." His voice is soft as he pulls my face away to look at me. He brushes the present tears off my cheek. 

"Sunshine," The word conjures so many emotions within me when I repeat his nickname for me. "How did you know?"

"Gleigeal told Cuir that you needed me," He says quietly. His fingers trace patterns up and down my spine, easing me back into a calm state.

I feel pathetic. Riders are supposed to be strong. Yet I'm crying the most I've let myself in years. Not once since I entered the quadrant have I seen a single tear shed by anybody in public. 

"Never feel ashamed for what you feel. If you must cry, then cry. I warned you that shielding yourself from your emotions wasn't healthy." Gleigeal's voice startles me. "I've told you several times, that you were chosen to be my rider for a reason. I knew the person you'd grow to be."

"Why was Ridoc here?" He asks me after a few moments of silence. It's not accusatory in the slightest.

"I drank too much and he helped me back," I reply. "Nothing happened." 

"He worries that Cadet Gamlyn has different intentions," Gleigeal says. 

"What? Ridoc and I already tested those waters and trust me. They're cold." I say down my bond.

"Does he know that?" He's referring to Ridoc. I have the urge to hide myself from the embarrassment at the memory of me kissing him after Threshing. But we both agreed that wasn't a path we should go down. We're better as friends and that's not something I'd ever be willing to put at risk.

"I know," He smiles down at me, kissing my nose. 

"And I never slept with him." I finally admit. "Ridoc is just a good friend." 

"Oh, I know." He says matter of factly. 

"What do you mean 'you know'? You made such a big deal out of it last year." I'm on the defense now. 

I had been so angry with him for assuming Ridoc and I had slept together. Sure, I know it didn't look the best to have him scrambling out of my room without his shirt or the handful of times I'd left his room in the mornings after we platonically shared a bed, but he never even asked. 

"I mean I know you, Ani." A light laugh leaves his lips at the disbelief on my face. "If you slept with him, you would've just said so. The way you danced around it told me you weren't telling the whole truth. You forget we grew up together." 

"I implied it." I scoff. 

"And I saw through the implication," He smiles. "Feel better?" 

"Yeah, I just..." I sigh and try to form the words. Even though things are the way they are between us, opening up still seems like a chore and it draws a lot from me. 

"Take your time," His thumb brushes against my cheek. I realized then that his arm, previously in a sling, was now in a cast. He was supposed to be getting it mended today, that's why I didn't see him at all. 

"Um..." I take a deep breath and sit up, folding my hands in my lap. I'm just now getting the feeling back into my fingertips, I can't imagine how long it'd take if Brennan hadn't mended the nerve damage. He sits up with me, his hand reassuringly resting on my knee, reminding me that he's here for me. "I was thinking about Liam. Then my parents and Beckett. And Resson. I think I just cracked under its weight." 

"I want to be here for you," His thumb circles gently on my thigh, "You don't have to carry this alone. Let me help." 

When I turn to look at him, there's a shift in everything I've been feeling. Just the sight of him eases the intensity of every emotion I've gone through tonight. The simple way his eyes scan mine for any certainty that what he's doing is helping. The gentle brush of his fingertips against my skin. The warmth of his body enveloping mine, making everything better. As a rider, nothing will ever be perfect again in my life, but as long as he's here, I have all I need.

The idea of it scares me, needing him more than he'd ever need me. There's a chance that one day this will all disappear. He could decide he doesn't feel the same way, or worse considering the line of work we're entering, I could unimaginably lose him.

There are not enough years left in my life to make up for the time I deserve to spend with him. He's been there for as long as I can remember, since before I could walk. There isn't a world where he's not irrevocably mine. And I his. This had been in the cards for us all along, whether we'd been betrothed or not. Our paths had been set to intertwine since our childhoods. 

"Come here," He cups my jaw between his thumb and forefinger and pulls my lips to his in a gentle kiss. 

My fingers instinctively tangle into the dark curls at the base of his neck. He somehow manages to pull me closer, his arms sliding back around my waist. He pulls me down onto his chest as he falls backward into my mattress. I laugh softly against his lips, pulling away so I can look at him. 

He pushes my hair over my shoulder so it's out of my face and pecks my lips, "We have so much free time over the next five days and I intend to spend just about every second of it with you." 

"Is that a threat?" I tease, running my fingers through his curls. 

"That's a promise, Cadet Alistair," He tilts his head up, kissing me again. He flips us over and presses his weight onto me. "Hey." 

"Hey." I smile softly, unable to keep myself from sniffling. My eyes feel puffy in the aftermath of my breakdown, but he doesn't seem to notice or care. 

"I love you." He says and the way his eyes flicker down to my lips is unmistakable. 

"Tell me you mean it," The words come out barely above a whisper as I trace his jawline with my finger. He takes my hand into his and kisses the soft skin of my palm.

"I've never meant anything more," His eyes don't leave mine.

The next morning Bodhi and I wake up before the first bell, my bare chest pressed against his, the sun just peeking through the windows. I reach my fingertips out and watch the light stream through my fingers, sighing when I feel nothing from it. How long does Gleigeal expect me to live without my power?

"He's not punishing you, you know," Bodhi says, sleep laced through his tone. His morning voice is too attractive to put into words. He reaches his hand up and laces his fingers through mine, bringing the back of my hand to his lips. 

"What do you mean?" I ask.

"You feel like Gleigeal is punishing you by taking your power. The reality is that he's protecting you," Bodhi tells me. He sits up before I can argue and kisses my forehead. 

I use the sheet to cover my chest as I lean against the headboard and watch him gather his clothes off the ground, redressing himself. "It feels like punishment." 

"I promise you, it's not." He winks at me, glancing at himself in the mirror before he makes his way toward the door. "I'll see you tonight. Meet me in the gathering hall when the party starts." 

Preparing for the first years might be more annoying than the chore duty I had before Threshing. However, having the rest of the day to do whatever I please is quite nice. I utilize most of my free time hidden away in my room, catching up on sleep. You'd think a week after burnout I would be feeling like my normal self again, but sleep is the easiest thing to find. 

It's my last official free day before Orientation and I want to take advantage of it. 

I'm halfway back to my room from the flight field when Ridoc stops me in the courtyard. 

"Are you gonna avoid us forever?" There's a slight annoyance in his tone, one I've never heard before. 

"I'm not avoiding anyone," I fold my arms across my chest and lean against the wall. 

"You haven't come to any of the parties this week except after graduation. You haven't eaten with us. You're not meeting us in the gym. What's going on?" He lists off the number of things I've intentionally done this week and I can't help but sigh. "Look, Ania. Whatever you're going through, whatever you went through, we want to help you and be there for you. But we can't if you keep shutting us out." 

"I just need space right now to sort through my shit. That's all." My guard has been set in stone since we got back to Basgiath. I haven't even so much as had a chance to talk to Violet which is who I probably need to see the most. 

"Space? That's bullshit, Ania, you know it." He laughs in disbelief, shaking his head. "Don't say you need space when the Section Leader has spent every night in your room since you got back." 

"I'm not doing this with you," I push my back off the wall. Bodhi will not be a part of this argument.

This is not an argument I'm even willing to have. Not when there's no way for me to ensure I won't say something I regret. Ridoc is pissed and I'm on my way to being equally as pissed as he is, but not once since I've met him have I ever seen him angry. 

"Look," He grabs my wrist and I immediately pull away, "I will never understand what you and Violet went through. But I want to try. I want to be there for you. You're one of my best friends and when you didn't return on time, I was so worried that I lost you guys. Please, just let us be there for you." 

I run a hand through my hair and watch the way hurt flashes across his eyes. Guilt rattles me to my core. Keeping the truth from those who want to do nothing but care for me is ridiculously hard. Not only are they my squad mates, they're my friends. I can't avoid them and shut them out forever. 

"I'm sorry," I say truthfully. "I'm just having a hard time processing everything." 

"I know you may not be ready to talk about it and that's one hundred percent fine, but don't shut me out." He rests his hands on his hips. 

"I burnt out," I tell him. "After I dismounted Gleigeal, I burnt out. And I almost died. Bodhi... he was there for me and made sure I lived."

That part feels freeing to say. He doesn't need to know how or why, but it's just a sliver of the truth that will hold him over and make it easier for me to move through my day-to-day. 

"I had no idea," He whispers. He hesitates before pulling me into a hug and I allow it after tensing for a moment. 

Ridoc was easily one of the first people I considered a friend in the quadrant and he may be one of the best I have. It's not fair to him for me to not reciprocate what he's giving. Not when he's doing his best to make it work. 

"Then I should thank him. For bringing you back safe." He says when he pulls away. 

I wrap an arm around my midsection and then pinch the bridge of my nose with a sigh. 

"Bodhi and I... well Xaden and Garrick too, we all grew up together," I tell him. Hopefully, he takes the news better than Violet did, but that was a completely different circumstance. 

"Oh." Is all he says.

"I'm sorry for keeping that from you. I honestly wanted nothing to do with them when I got here, but things changed." I explain. 

"No, no. I don't blame you. It's just... it makes a lot of sense now." He nods. "So, you and Bodhi are like a thing now, then?" 

"It seems that way," I don't know how to say it with Gleigeal's words replaying in my head. 

"As long as he treats you right," Ridoc says and I immediately nod.

"He does. I swear." 

Realization settles in his gaze and it makes my heart pound. I don't want to think about the way that this could've possibly hurt him. I always just assumed the night of Threshing we both agreed and felt the same way that friendship suited us. 

"Okay," He nods once more. 

Ridoc walks me back to my room and I'm grateful when Violet is exiting her's. 

"Hey, do you have a second?" I ask before she can turn away from me. She nods and I grab her hand pulling her into my room. "I'll see you later, Ridoc."

"See you later," He smiles. "That's pretty cool, by the way. Who did that?" He gestures to the door. 

 "Xaden," I reply. His lips form into an O shape and he nods. 

"Right." 

With that he's turning on his heel and down the hall. Violet sits in the chair at my desk and I sit on the bed. I almost don't know where to start with her. We barely spoke in Aretia and on top of that prior to Resson I'm convinced she hated me and considered me a liar. 

"How are you doing?" The words awkwardly tumble out of my mouth. 

"Good, I think. You? You kind of just keep hiding in here." She says, folding her hands in her lap. It's slightly comforting to know she feels just as awkward as I do. 

"I'm tired," I answer honestly and then pause. "But hiding in here makes it easier to lie to them."

"They don't exactly have an instruction manual on lying to the people you care about. 'Selective truths' is what Xaden said to me before he left," She says. 

Selective truths. 

Exactly what I just gave Ridoc. That's all we can give our friends until further notice. The chance that they never accept the truth doesn't sit right with me. 

"Are you fully recovered?" She asks and I laugh lightly. 

"My hip is fucked up, but I think it's just about healed. I also don't feel as tired as I did when we got back. Normal, I guess. Slowly getting back to normal," I don't know why it feels so hard to talk to her after what we just went through together. 

"After Liam," she swallows and I understand, "I saw you and Gleigeal with the wyvern. Then when I saw you and that venin, Gleigeal was nowhere to be seen and I was rightfully terrified. When I woke up and remembered everything, I was scared Xaden would tell me he buried you too. I knew that was something he wouldn't survive." 

Words refuse to come out, mostly because I simply can't arrange them into a proper sentence. I do my best and even though it takes a moment, they eventually materialize. 

"Well, I'm told we survived because of you and Xaden," I offer a small smile. "So thank you." 

"We'll get through this, Ania," She tells me, "There's no right way to navigate it, but we'll figure it out. Together."

"Together." I nod.

"Where are we going?" I laugh as Bodhi drags me through the forest. There are a few hours til curfew and I can barely see in front of my feet with the sun dipping below the horizon. There's a small amount of natural light left. "I'm not gonna be able to light the way once it's dark, you know." 

"Just be patient. You've never been patient, Ani. It might be your fatal flaw." He glances back at me and my lips part in a dramatic gasp.

"I am too patient," I argue. "I might be the most patient out of all you boys." 

"You know who was the most impatient?" He asks.

"Beckett," We answer at the same time with a laugh. 

Remembering him these days is an easier thing to do. His memory no longer brings me to anger. I can simply remember him and be grateful that I got to have him as a brother. 

He leads me through a clearing next to the lake and I have to stop in my tracks when I see a circle of dimly lit mage lights surrounding a blanket with a small basket that seemingly is filled with food. 

"What is this?" I ask, looking at him. 

"I figured it was about time I took you on a date," He smiles cheekily. 

"Bodhi," His name is just above a whisper off my lips and I let him pull me to the blanket. 

"Ani," He mimics my tone, his hands sliding around my waist as he kisses me. 

My arms wrap around his neck as I stand on my toes to deepen the kiss. My fingers brush through his dark curls as his tongue slips past my lips and glides against mine. Gods, he's perfect. 

"This is the sweetest thing anyone has ever done," I say, observing the scene in front of me. 

"My lady," He teases, gesturing me to sit down. I sit next to him with my knees tucked to the side as he pulls the basket toward us. "You should've seen me trying to sneak this out of the kitchen."

"I can only imagine," I smile as he opens a small pack of fruit. "Bodhi, I'm serious. This is... I don't even know what to say." 

The way he feeds me the piece of fruit is cliche but I don't mind. Once the sun fully sets and the only light besides the mage lights gifted to us is the moon, and after we're full from the fruit and bread he's brought, he tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. 

"I love when you wear your hair down," He tells me. We're laid out, both of us propped up on our elbows as we face each other. 

"Enjoy it now because after tomorrow it'll be up for most of the year," I tell him. "Speaking of... Orientation was today. RSC?" 

He takes a deep breath, "It's tough, I won't lie to you. But, your squad is ridiculously tight-knit, more than any that I've seen in my time here. You guys are going to be fine." 

The warmth of the July air clings to my skin and I annoyingly tug at the collar of my long sleeve tunic I've been forced to wear since our return. Bodhi stands up and tugs his shirt off, followed by his boots and pants, til he's left in nothing but his briefs. 

"What are you doing?" I laugh as he pulls me to my feet. His hands slide under the hem of my tunic and he slowly pulls it over my head. 

"We're going for a dip," He tells me, his fingers deftly unbuttoning my pants. He tugs them down my thighs and helps me step out of them, taking a moment to kiss the scar where Fionn had stabbed me at Threshing. 

The water is at a comfortable temperature and is so refreshing that I vocalize a sigh once the water reaches our necks. He pulls me to him and I wrap my legs around his waist, resting my chin on his shoulder. 

"Thank you for tonight. It was really special," I say quietly as I watch the reflection of the moon ripple with our movement. 

After the Apostasy I never imagined that I'd find myself this comfortable with someone again. Let alone Bodhi Durran. Yet, here we are. He's everything to me and more. 

"Does this mean I can call you my girlfriend?" He pulls back slightly so that I can look at him. 

The question makes my cheeks heat up. I'd been a girlfriend one other time in my life and I hated the person I called my boyfriend. I'd dated him out of spite and boredom and we broke it off after four months. The sex hadn't even been good. The mere idea of being a girlfriend to Bodhi Durran has my stomach tied in knots but in the best way. 

The way the moonlight softly illuminates his features is nothing more than picturesque and I want the image ingrained into my memory forever. Paint it on my tombstone if one must. I trail my finger down the bridge of his nose, a feature of his I remember him being insecure about as a preteen, though it's one of my favorites. 

"Hmm, let me think about it," I can't help the cheesy smile that plasters my face. 

"It's settled." He shakes his head and leans in to kiss me right before he holds my body flush against his and dunks us both under the water. 

"Vile. Just vile," I laugh when we resurface as he uses his thumbs to brush the water from my face. 

I try to pull away but he grips my hands and pulls me back to him. He holds my wrists under the moonlight and I jerk backward. The discoloration didn't take long to become my least favorite thing about myself. 

He notices my discomfort and lets my wrists go, his hands finding my waist once more. He holds me under the moonlight and a comfortable silence settles over us. 

Conscription Day has already been slightly more brutal than the last. Between Liam's sister, Sloane, hating Violet and me, and picking unnecessary fights with my new wingleader, Dain fucking Aetos, it feels impossible to get through the rest of the day without anyone getting on my Gods damned nerves more than they already have. 

"You're one step away from the anger issues that plagued you last year," Gleigeal says and I roll my eyes.

"Oh, is that why I'm still cut off?" I reply annoyance laced through my tone."Being bitter with me will not aid you in getting your way," He grumbles. 

I'm placed between Ridoc and Violet in formation as Panchek's voice fills the courtyard like nails on a chalkboard. The day hasn't been that bad when you think about it, I'm just irritatingly on edge today for some reason. Watching Dain try to fill the role that Xaden had last year is almost laughable, but I can't help but wish Xaden were still up there. 

When the wingleader's dragons join us in the courtyard, I hardly pay attention. The reaction of some of the first years pushes me farther past the point of agitation that I'm already sitting at. I just want us to be dismissed so I can find myself in bed for the rest of the night. 

"Are you okay?" Ridoc asks, glancing at me. 

"I'm fine," I sigh. My fingers dig into my palms and I realize that one of the reasons I'm so pissed off is because of how fucking hot I am. I'd be surprised if this long sleeve didn't have sweat stains down my back. It just reminds me why I have to wear it and the memories of Resson flood my mind. Catching sight of Sloane in the corner of my eye nearly pushes me over the edge. She looks so much like Liam. I tug at the collar and force myself to take a deep breath.

Control it. Don't let it control you.

"You don't seem fine, Ania," He whispers. 

"Ania, calm down." Violet's voice is quiet but firm as she grips my wrist into her hand. 

Now is not the time for a fucking panic attack. What the hell has gotten into me over the past couple of days?

"Show me you can ground without magic and then we'll discuss reopening the channel," Gleigeal says. 

Anger shakes me to my core. No way he's using this as a lesson. My breaths are deep but shaky and I hyper-fixate on the way that Violet has my wrist in a death grip. I cannot do this in formation, not in front of the entire quadrant. 

My focus is pulled when a group of first-year scrams by. That just pisses me off more, knowing that they're seconds away from being torched. 

"Eyes forward," Gleigeal's voice is filled with panic. My head snaps to the front of the formation and my eyes land on a large Orange that I don't recognize. I let my gaze drop for a second and notice Bodhi, who shakes his head slightly. It's hard to tell from this distance but he looks worried. 

Bodhi's eyes widen as he takes off in a run just as Violet's scream fills my ears. He's forced to stop when the Orange curls his tongue.

"Get down!" She lunges for Sloane and before I can even think to move, Ridoc pulls my chest to his, throwing us both to the ground. 

I cling to him tightly as he does his best to keep his arms around my head. I squeeze my eyes shut tightly doing my best to drown out the screams around us. My breath is hitched in my throat and I refuse to let it go, knowing if I do, it'll be my last. The blaze against my back is scorching and I'm grateful that Ridoc protects my head. 

I finally let myself breathe when Ridoc helps me to my feet. I don't even want to look at the remnants of what just happened behind us. I wince when Ridoc turns me to look at my back. I watch as Violet pulls her shirt off in her hand and wish I had the scales she does. 

"Gods, Ania," He sucks in a breath and I don't even want to know what it looks like.

"Ania!" Gleigeal shouts. 

"I'm fine. I think," I reply down our bond. My eyes find Bodhi who is in the same place I last saw him in, relief written over his face when he sees me standing. My skin feels nothing short of melting and I have to hold on to Ridoc to steady myself. I'm thankful when I see that the sleeves of my uniform are still intact hiding the gray prints pressed permanently into my skin. The cool air against my skin tells me the back of it is no longer there.

"Get back in formation! Riders do not balk at fire!" Panchek screams over the chaos. 

Violet steps toward me, pulling Imogen with her as we fall back in line. 

"Ciaran is dead," Imogen whispers, and my stomach hits my feet. 

I let my eyes find the pile of ash where I know he'd previously been standing and nausea takes over. 

"Conspiratize later. I need your focus at one hundred," Gleigeal snaps, knowing where my brain is headed. 

Bodhi finds me immediately after formation is dismissed and I'm grateful when I think that Tairn might've bought our squad some sort of protection after his conflict with Solas, the orange who torched a large chunk of the quadrant. 

His hands cup my cheeks and he looks me over. "Your back, Ani." 

"It's fine. Violet's too." I say, looking around for her but she's already disappeared, likely to the healers where I want to be. 

"Violet has scales." He tells me as if I don't already know. He turns to Ridoc who hasn't left my side. "Thank you. For protecting her."

"No need to thank me," He shakes his head once. "She needs a healer." The way Bodhi's jaw tightens tells me he's doing his best to not roll his eyes at Ridoc.

That night, after three hours in the healer's quadrant, Bodhi is sitting criss-cross on my bed, gently spreading healing ointment into my skin. I can barely feel his touch with the way the pain meds they gave me have me feeling nearly entirely numb. I sit up when he finishes and take a deep breath when I study his face. 

"Something is going on, something we don't know about," He finally says, reaching for my hand. "With you being cut off, I don't think it's a good idea for you to come on drops." 

"What?" I raise my voice. "That's not fair."

"It is fair and it's not an argument. Until you have your power back, you're not coming. I'm not fighting with you about this." He snaps and I close my mouth. "You and Violet stay here. Stay out of trouble and don't draw attention to yourselves." 

"What happened today was intentional," I say quietly. Saying it out loud makes it real. 

"I don't want to say that's what happened, but it seems that way." He replies, cupping my cheek. 

Surviving second year just got a lot harder.

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[snoringkitty1]

Figured why not, might be fun. Sebastian Solace, Pressure.

𐙚

• Sebastian is, of course, not a fan of touch, naturally after all he has experienced, so if he does not trust you enough, I'd advise you not to let your hands wander from his hands, yet.

• He is very lonely down there, being fueled only by spite and revenge, but he ultimately has learned how to survive with minimal positive interactions.

• Visiting Painter can at times be more of a chore whenever the depressed AI is feeling extra depressed, it only serves to bring his mood down exponentially.

• He slept maybe once every other day until you came along? He didn't feel comfortable leaving the shop unattended for even a few hours, he didn't need Expendables to wander in even with the vent grate on and steal what Research he had and any of his items regardless of whether he got them back or not.

• When he trusts you enough, however, the shop will be in your care while he sleeps. You aren't as intimidating as a giant mutated snake fish man, but if any problems arise he was a light enough sleeper to have his gun ready and waiting.

He has resorted to cannibalism to survive, eating whatever is left of expendables or operatives, there is no food down there after ten years, at first he struggled to force it down, wanted to retain the smallest amount of his humanity but, at the end of the day, it was that or starvation, or wall dwellers, which weren't much better and harder to find.

If you also have to resort to cannibalism, which you probably will if you're stuck down there with him, a long cuddle session will probably follow, with both of you probably crying like babies at what you'd done, even if for survival, even if they were criminals, even if they were trying to kill you.

• When you two have spent enough time around each other to be a little more comfortable, he'll slowly but surely lose bits of clothing, sleeping in all of that can be incredibly uncomfortable, so he likes stripping down when he feels comfortable enough to do so and knows none other then you will see it.

• Because at the end of the day, he is insecure about himself. He knows there is nothing to be done about the way he is now, it's been too long to reverse it if Urbanshade even would, and he wouldn't let any of their surgeons anywhere near him ever again.

• He misses being human, having the dexterity of ten fingers, and feeling your legs get weaker after running for a while. Perhaps he envies you, for retaining a humanoid figure, though he wouldn't admit it.

• His mama raised him right, he would never treat his lover wrong, especially if said lover was there for him in the hell that is the Blacksite. He won't do anything to hurt you and will do anything to keep you safe.

• On that note, he is very gentle, he knows how strong he is, and the last thing he wants to do is to somehow harm you in some way. So his hold can be loose, at times, not out of distaste, but concern that if he squeezes too hard, he might hurt you.

• He likes to lay in rooms with Sea bunnies, the cozy comfort of the curious and sweet little life forms makes him feel comfortable. When combined with you he might just fall asleep like a baby.

• He might try to limit your interactions with other expendables, he doesn't want them to know he plays favorites...

• Ultimately, as a boyfriend, whether Human or the way he is now, he is gentle and loving. He is there for you if you are there for him.

• We all know this guy misses his cigarettes, I bet he would get them before he set everything free. Sure he had to spend a decent bit of what little money he earned to feed his addiction but it eased his stress and helped him think, probably helped him think up how he would fuck everyone over.

• His love language is probably a form of mean banter, calling you names with a lopsided grin while actively patting your head or holding you. If you indulge him and play along, or call him names back, he'd probably be a little dramatic, act soooo wounded over your words.

• He's a silly dude like that

• He probably calls you an idiot or moron on occasion, and flicks the side of your head now and then, before grinning like a bastard when you get annoyed with him.

• His lanky serpent body is definitely a comfortable heater, never have to worry about being cold if he's sleeping with you. Though there might be times his tail will end up on you in your sleep, and might make it hard to breathe.

• That's why his favorite position to sleep in is on his back, with you lying on his chest. He couldn't care less about being your mattress if it meant he always knew you were ok in your sleep, able to feel your heartbeat if he pressed on your upper back a bit.

• He stresses over your well-being quite a bit, who knows what random things could happen, he might be no doctor but he will do his damn best to make you feel 10x better.

• He is sorta 'afraid' of mouth-to-mouth kisses? Believe it or not, he isn't very experienced. He has spent his life as an adult in the Blacksite after all.

• With some assurance he'll give kisses more often after a while, though his favorite place to kiss is probably your head or hands.

• You gotta be careful if you end up swimming with him. If you don't pay enough attention you might accidentally get smacked by his tail, it's hard to keep track of where the whole thing is at times otherwise he wouldn't let that happen.

• He misses his mom, we all know this, he misses home-cooked meals and his bed. Wanting to play guitar again like he used to, he wants to feel the warmth of sunlight again, though he knows he may die before that ever happens.

• He does not cry, if he does, he will do his damn best to hide it from you, or anyone for that matter. If you catch him in such a state, however, he probably doesn't have to will to push you away, so give him a hug and some love, it won't fix everything, but it will make everything a little better.

Now for the freaky headcanons.

He is still gentle in bed, if he was rough in any regard he'd be too scared of hurting you.

Because of snake DNA, i do think he has two, i don't think there's enough female angler DNA to really effect that too severely. To accommodate his height, it is defffffffffinetly monster cock but, hey, monster fuckers exist.

The snake DNA really pulls through, i reckon his tongue is decently longer then a normal persons, nothing too big but the difference is noticeable, i think it might also be why he's afraid of kisses initially.

Sharp teeth make it hard to leave behind any marks that don't bleed, so hickies aren't really his thing as much as he would probably love to mark his lover up.

I think he has decent libido, though his sex drive isn't the highest, once you get him going he is gone.

Switch energy personally, it depends on how he's feeling at the end of the day. Whether he's been tired all day, or if he's had the opportunity to rest at some point, all depends on his energy levels.

I do think most of the time he is a top though, he's a little controlling, position and such will be up to him unless you straight up tell him no.

He definitely dirty talks, with a voice like his??? Bro, me personally i think i would lose my mind. He'd speak low and softly, a whisper that'd rumble in his chest and send shivers running up and down your body, leaving goosebumps in their tracks.

In terms of aftercare, his options are very limited. There isn't really warm water he can supply to ease any soreness left behind, and if he lingers too close to you, you'll probably get too hot.

So at the end of the day, or round, he'll lay with you and tease and mess with you until you fall asleep listening to his playful or sly remarks. It's the best he can do with options so limited, it's not like he can cook a decent meal either.

[colourme-feral]

Translation notes for Miseinen: Mijukuna Oretachi wa Bukiyo ni Shinkochu / Our Youth ep 7

*Midway through, I gave up doing screenshots of the gaga subs and then cropping them, so half of the gaga subs are typed out.

Note: Transferring of schools is basically an admission of guilt, which is why they would expect Haruki, who is supposed to be the one behind this, to be transferring, not Kyohei

You don't seem to have any friend who would be especially hard to leave Ah! Do you actually have a lover? Note: The word she uses isn't gender specific

What did you do. That's some extravagant spending (the ice cream). Who is it thanks to that you can (afford to) eat that?

Because there is no place where you belong!

From what point did things go wrong? Even though I'd wanted to live decently. Even though I'd wanted to live differently from my old man lived. No. In the first place, if I'd been a more decent person to begin, then things would not have happened this way. If I had not been me then…

He's not moving.

What should I do if I get arrested? Why would you get arrested? Because I left him alone. What do you mean? Because at that time, I didn't check on him properly. At first, he was still alive, you know. And when I saw his face, I thought, he should just die as it is. Note: Another definition of "leaving him alone" is abandoning, which probably adds to Haruki's guilt.

If you have anything to do with me, you'll become unhappy. It's better that you too, don't have any relations with me. That's not true… It's in my genes/genetic inheritance, isn't it? It's not your genes/genetic inheritance. I am my father's son after all, so! That's not true! Don't say that. It'll be fine. You've done nothing wrong.

Little by little, the waves that break on the shore and retreat are taking you further from me.

Miseinen / Our Youth translation notes・Other translation notes

[thehusbandoden]

Hey, I really like your writing and I wonder if you cen make Bakugo x OCD y/n. I have that and i need a serious comfort lately.

I thought that such a relationship between someone who was really mentally and emotionally delicate and someone with such a hot temper would be good to read.

(TW:SH) Just details that I'd be happy for you to include, but you don't have to if it makes you feel uncomfortable; For example, setornnsitivity if a book/sketchbook get tear or wrinkled pages can seriously keep me awake for hours. or even if you just get hit by a door in the hand, it should also be the same on the other side in an uncontrollable obsession. Even of you get cut by a knife too. If you're preparing food, then seriously, you're cutting your other hand too without control. It's as if your brain is blocked and acting as it pleases.

Oops, I wrote more than I intended.

A/n: Heyyy! I love your request and love the personal detail you offered me. I was in the middle of class writing this, but I hope it meets your expectations!

Also if any of the trigger warnings trigger you pls let me know and I’ll rewrite it!

Bakugo Katsuki x OCD!Reader

Warnings!: blood, cuts, unintentionally inflicted self harm, OCD, I think that’s all? Lemme know if I missed any! <33

General info:

Wc: 498 | genre: comfort | reader: not specified | posted: 05/14/25 | requested

You lift your head as the front door opens, your beloved Katsuki walking in after a long day of work. It was almost midnight, and he had been gone since early in the morning. A smile touches your lips, you've been anxiously waiting for him to get home all day.

"Welcome home baby." You greet, crossing the living room to welcome your beloved home. He grumbles something under his breath, a greeting of his own you assume. "I missed you." You whisper when you reach him, quickly pecking his lips.

His face softens, and your smile brightens. "Wanna shower? I'll get you some dinner real quick." He nods, kisses your cheek, and walks towards the bathroom.

You could have sworn you heard a quiet "thank you" under his breath, but there was no way to be sure.

~~

Katsuki walks back out a towel draped across his broad shoulders as he hovers behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist, his hands resting on your stomach. "Hey," he murmurs, nuzzling his cheek against your neck as you cut the meat.

"Hey," you respond, turning your head for a kiss. As his lips find your cheek, you stop paying attention to what you're doing and the knife slides past the steak and into your finger, causing you to hiss in pain as blood immediately pools at the wound.

Katsuki moves to take the knife from you, but before he can you replicate the cut on the opposite hand, you don't mean to, you don't even remember processing the thought, but the damage was done and you stood there decently bleeding from both hands.

"Y/n!" Katsuki snaps, snatching both of your hands in his larger ones. He immediately puts pressure on both of them before taking them to the sink, turning on the warm water. "Lemme see baby" he grunts, pulling both injured hands under the water, causing you to hiss in pain once more.

Once the blood is cleared he pulls them out, quickly checking the depth of both of them.

Sighing in relief, holds your hands in one hand and reaches to grab several sheets of paper towel in the other. He puts light pressure on both of the cuts before grabbing the medkit.

"Why did you do that?" He snaps, his voice gruff with worry and pain at seeing you hurt.

"I can't control it Suki." You murmur, watching him clean and apply ointment to the cuts before bandaging them up.

"How does that feel? Too tight?" You shake your head, both hands had equal amount of pressure.

"I'm sorry..." you murmur, hiding your face in his chest as he gently caresses the back of your head.

"Shhhh you're okay, just scared me is all."

"You're not mad?"

"No y/n, I know you can't control it. I'm just worried about you."

You say nothing as you bury yourself in his arms, taking in deep breaths as he holds you, making you safe as this man always did.

~~~~~

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