#I like! The! Crumch!

[keydekyie]

"Iceburg lettuce doesn't have any nutritional value" Yeah well nutrients aren't crunchy !!! Let me feel joy dammit!

[ms-scarletwings]

This is the one thing I hope the devs of Subnautica never ever ever change

[77ngiez-archive]

wait so if divine luck means u can do fucking anything w/o any real repercussions that means u can eat like. crayons or some shit. tide pods. satsuki and haru going crazy over the fucking tide pod craze and yukis like Hehe.. and fucking Eats One. and tsurugi goes batshit (worried abt his bf) and the sunshine quartet also goes batshit (tries to eat tide pods) and nikei writes an article about it and i forgot where i was going with this. yuki & utsuro can eat all the forbidden foods. crucnh.

[transangeliccowboy]

in the meantime here's a house on fire I painted for 2 hours today

[dicktat]

Headcanon about Aiden and food wrappers just reminded me of this one I had for months lol.

So like one day Ciro Rahim and Aiden (in my collage roommate au) were taking about fruits and Aiden went “yeah never liked bananas/oranges” and Ciro was like don’t you dare and pulled out an orange out of his backpack peeled it and forcibly fed it to Aiden and Ciro asked how is it you Vitamin C deprived bitch and Aiden just finished chewing and whispered “…oh you need to peel them.”

[evrensadwrn]

mmm spider

[0venatrix]

My dumb ass ate a handful of raw rice. I was hungy and impatient, what ya gotta do?

[devildomwriter]

Obey Me As Tumblr #25

Satan: What are some good cities?

Solomon: Owl

Satan: Too many fireflies, infested

•

Mammon: Scary how fast someone can mean so much to you

Leviathan: Scary how fast you can mean nothing to someone

MC: Scary how fast I switched my car insurance to geico

•

Leviathan: Dead leafs? That’s card yard salad now, and it’s the new food trend

Raphael: Leaves*

Leviathan: Where are you going?

•

Mammon: I got some many love in my souls

Luke: Why do you have more than one soul?

Mammon: Irrelevant

•

Diavolo: Assert your dominance by calling your friends by their student ID number

•

Simeon: Homework? Decent grades? The Bible said Adam and Eve not Adam and achieve

Belphegor: I almost spit everywhere

•

Leviathan: Fanfic titles be “we have not touched the stars (nor are we forgiven)” and then you look at the tags and the first one is “anal fisting”

Satan: I choked

•

Mammon: I can’t believe clowns are real what the fuck…

Belphegor: DID YOU JUST DISCOVER MIRRORS?

Mammon: SHUT UP!!! SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

•

Beelzebub: You ever get a bus driver that drives like they’re running from god

Solomon: You’re really complaining about the discount roller coaster?

•

Beelzebub: Due to plaque build up, human arteries are sometimes crunchy. Also, the arteries themselves are made up of a smooth, elastic (possibly gummy?) type of tissue. Therefore I imagine that eating a diseased human artery would be a similarly experience, texture-wise, to slurping one of THESE babies

*picture of a nerds rope*

Raphael: May the only thing that dampens the flames of hell for you be God spitting in your face

•

Leviathan: So, do seahorses read fpreg?

Lucifer: Seahorses are illiterate. A quality I wish I had so I didn’t have to read this post

•

Mammon: Laying an egg hard and loud

Solomon: Will the person who tagged this “Stephen Colbert” please approach the bench

•

Satan: Someone in my younger siblings class said they were “yandere for them” and my sibling responded “first of all cringe, second of all red flag” and no phrase has entered my daily lexicon so fast

•

Mammon: I go to Home Depot

Beelzebub: I eat the tools

Satan: Stop it

Belphegor: Crumch

•

Mammon: There’s no crime in being a thief

Lucifer: What a thief does is steal someone’s property without their permission, which is a crime

Asmodeus: Not when I do it. I’ll steal your heart and you wouldn’t mind

Solomon: …

Satan: That was very smooth

Leviathan: I’m gonna steal both your organs and money

•

Diavolo: What do teens like?!? Is it memes? Memes about skeletons? Piss? Communism?

Solomon: This post is 20x funnier if you imagine a CEO shouting it at his board of directors

Last • Next

[plaguedocboi]

I asked my friend to name all the jobs on a ship and this is her official list

First hand man

Captain (first hand man’s bff) (looks like captain crumch)

Person in the birds nest (might be dead)

2 people to clean

1 or two cooks

2 sail men

3 bodyguards

One who literally knows where you’re going (could be captain or not) (the captain doesn’t know where they’re going)

A scientist

An animal (mascot)

Kind of like a guy you don’t know what his job is but he’s just kind of there below deck and we don’t know why he’s there

Jester

One person who’s really old and one person who’s really young and they’re in cahoots (they’re the main characters)

[cursed-40k-thoughts]

The Primarchs armor all had very small grav cushion generators that allowed them to walk on regular surfaces without breaking them

Before a battle, they had to take them off (lest they slip-slide and tumble most comic'lly) (like Jedi doffing their robes) so when two Primarchs face off the last thing you hear before they go at it is the soft, heavy crumch of two multi-ton war gods dropping from an inch off the ground to straight onto it.

See, this is funny, but I also really like the inherent dramatic flair of enabling your own tonnage for combat

[eating-the-inedible]

ROUND ONE: Nail polish vs. Raw fuckin cactus. alive

Propaganda:

Nail polish:

forbidden goop

Raw fuckin cactus. alive:

lookc crumchy. its a vegetable. i wanna bite. wdym itll stab me

cartctus is plant. is green,. like celery. i wnna justfuckin crumch but nooooooooooo its forbidden >:( evil ass knife plant

[thatoneluckybee]

pinned post time

Hey, I’m Bee!

Minor

She/her please!

ADHD, trichotillomania, (potentially autistic? doing research at the moment)

Christian

I try to reblog donation posts. However, I do not answer asks submitted asking for donations UNLESS I can verify them. I'll try to check any I receive to ensure they're real before posting. Please donate to verified fundraisers to help Palestinian families if you are safely able to and money is not a concern. Free Palestine 🇵🇸

AND THE FANDOM/ORGANIZATION STUFF

I don’t even know I’m hyperfixated on right now. YTTD and SBG and Homesick are fighting to the death, PJSK/Vocaloid is trying to sneak in again but failing, and I am suffering help. What is my brain. Will\ go on mass reblogging sprees of random other topics/fandoms

Said fandoms are MAINLY Your Turn to Die, School Bus Graveyard, Homesick, Space Boy, Not So Shoujo Love Story, Surviving Romance, Realta, Castle Swimmer, the One of Us Is Lying trilogy, Morgana and Oz, Silent Screams, Marionetta, Danganronpa, Cursed Princess Club, Suitor Armor, Nomads, and the like. I read way too many Webtoon series, expect a lot of those lol. I’m also a huge fan of Winchifrost and Marina and The Diamonds!

I have no idea how to use tone tags but I'm trying to figure it out!

Finally have a Pronouns Page!

I don’t have a consistent tagging system, I use whatever comes to my heart. HOWEVER, I will USUALLY try and tag posts like memes and fanart with the fandom name (and, if I reblog or a post about a fandom a lot, FULL character names! For example, I will tag “nao egokoro” instead of just “nao yttd.”) I do have a couple tags I use a lot:

rambles: My rambles. Original posts or reblogs I have a decent amount of commentary on or changed in some way.

fambles: Rambles but specifically fandom related. This is a new tag I may forget to use it but I need to separate original from fandom lol

important: Anything that’s genuinely important (usually!) Much of this will be about topics I feel more strongly about. For example, a post about ableism I think is a good find would be tagged as important.

shenanigans: That’s… yeah, shenanigans.

Bee Hall of Fame: I’m stealing this tag from a beloved mutual. Favorite things that has something to do with yours truly <3

crumch: I don’t even know. Crumch. Food related. Biting people affectionately. Something that would be Entertaining or Horrific to consume.

yeah: This evokes such a specific and visceral emotion in every inch of my being that I am unable to comprehend or fully articulate in. Just yeah.

girlsuffering: Ow. I don't vent per say but if I'm theatrically complaint about a headache it's girlsuffering

Bee plays PJSK: HI I finally got the game and I’m playing, so these posts are just me going through the stories and getting used to it and suffering

Thanks I love you and GOODBYE!

[ms-scarletwings]

Not being able to absorb what’s happening on the screen whenever the tallests are eating because all I can think is “goddamn they make that shit look good” and then I get hungry for alien snacks

Like LISTEN to the way this burrito crumches

[spacefinch]

Pokemon Incorrect Quotes: Sinnoh Edition

Team Galactic Grunt:AAAAAAaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAaaaaaaaAAAAaaaaaaHHHHhhhhh!

Looker: Why are you running? WHY ARE YOU RUNNING?

Dawn: I'm in me mum's car, vroom vroom.

Johanna: Get out of me car!

Dawn: Aww.

Barry: *handing out Drifloons* I have no soul. Have a nice day!

Cyrus: I don't have one either.

Dawn: *filming*

Professor Rowan, walking into his lab every day: 

"Hello."

"Hello."

"Hello."

"Hello."

"Hello."

Lucas: See this man? He’s a magic man. He’s gonna touch this hot fire.

Flint: *touches electric fireplace*

Lucas: Oh man, he’s a magic man.

Looker: Why don’t we just relax, or turn on the radio? WOULD YOU LIKE HAM, OR—

Fantina: Hi, I'm Fantina and I'm your freestyle dance teacher.

Looker: *slides down a ramp* Good evening.

Dawn, Lucas, and Barry (gathered around a lettuce): Cabbasu, cabbasu, cab-a-su, LETTASU, LETTASU, LETTASUUUUUU!

Barry: We actually have the chip reader now.

Lucas: Oh yeah? *pulls out Dorito* hmmmm….

Barry: Oh it’s not gonna work with that kind of chiiiiii…….

Transaction completed.

Barry: I go to Home Depot

Barry: I eat the tools

Palmer: Stop it

Barry: Crumch

Cynthia: I swear, the next one of you to say "weird flex, but okay" is going to regret it.

Bertha: …

Flint: … 

Aaron: …

Lucian: Preposterous boast, but alas.

Cynthia: *facepalm*

Lucas: Early to bed, early to rise, Burger King burger with Burger King fries

Dawn: Later to rise, later to bed, Burger King burger on Burger King bread

Barry: Eat at morning, eat at night, I participate in a Burger King fight

Volkner: Normalize replying to emails with "what."

Lucas: Hey did you hear that Joe contracted ligma? They had to do a surgery on his updog.

Professor Rowan: Who’s Joe? What’s ligma? What’s updog?

Lucas: *inhales*

Dawn: Non-binary people don't owe you androgyny.

Barry: One does owe me money, though.

Dawn: No offense but…

Istanbul was Constantinople

Now it’s Istanbul, not Constantinople

Been a long time gone, oh Constantinople

Now it’s Turkish delight on a moonlit night

Every gal in Constantinople

Lives in Istanbul, not Constantinople

So if you’ve a date in Constantinople

She’ll be waiting in Istanbul

Even old New York was once New Amsterdam

Why they changed it I can’t say

People just liked it better that way

Lucas: asadsfjdsglgjlks

Professor Rowan: What is that?

Lucas: It's a keyboard smash

Rowan: How do I do that?

Lucas: Just press any key lol

Rowan: 7

Barry: How long does someone have to be dead before it's considered archaeology and not grave robbing?

Cynthia: As an archaeologist, I find this a VERY AWKWARD QUESTION.

Barry: Answer the question, grave robber.

Barry: Before you leave the house, think of the acronym "WOWEE:"

Wallet

phOne

Wkeys

Egg

Egg (backup)

Volkner: You don’t have to "ship" things… just a reminder.

Lucas: Yeah, you could deliver them inste94q0ugpwsb nglsjki/rrhxbijbvnldkzOLHLNF>O(PJFVD

Volkner: Poor thing… walked right into an electrical fence while speaking…

Looker: *banging on door* OPEN UP, IT’S THE POLICE!

Lucas: It’s okay, I’m innocent.

Looker: THE FASHION POLICE!

Lucas: *looking down at sandals over socks* Oh no.

Fantina: Spirits, if you are here, speak to us.

Roark: JUST A CITY BOY, BORN AND RAISED—

Volkner: *reading AA battery label* Aaahh.

Volkner: *reading AAA batteries: AAAAAHHHH.

Volkner: *reading AAAA batteries:* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Palmer: Barry, go put those popsicles back.

Barry, grabbing all the popsicles and sliding away: YOU CAN'T MAKE ME DO ANYTHIIIIIING

Cyrus: We all die someday.  You either kill yourself or you get killed.  Whatcha gonna do?  Whatcha gonna do?

Barry: Really? EVERYBODY was kung fu fighting? I find that hard to believe. Stop feeding me these lies.

Lucas: Well it was really hard to see if it was everyone, you see they were as fast as lightning.

Dawn: And to be honest, it was a little bit frightening.

Lucian: Coca Cola can remove rust from metal, imagine what it’s doing to your body.

Byron: Pfff, getting rid of the rust, idiot.

Lucian: THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS!

Byron: Hmm... I've been drinking cola and my body's rust free... not sure where you're getting your facts from...

Cyrus: Team Plasma is going to change the world.

Jupiter, Saturn, and Mars: For the better?

Cyrus:

Jupiter, Saturn, and Mars: . . . For the better, right?

Flint: We can bake these cookies at 400 degrees for 10 minutes, or 4,000 degrees for 1 minute.

Cynthia: No, that's not how you make cookies.

Volkner, zipping into the room: FLOOR IT!

Flint: How about 4,000,000 degrees for 1 second?!

Cynthia: You're GOING to burn the building down.

Flint: I'M GONNA HARNESS THE POWER OF THE SUN TO MAKE THESE COOKIES!

Volkner: DO IT!

Cynthia: NO.

Roark, in front of a fence with Cranidos behind it: Even the babies are some of the most dangerous animals in the world, so I built this cage to keep them secure and there's no possible- OH MY ARCEUS

Byron: *hands Barry a harmonica*

Byron: you play it, you get a million Pokedollars, but a million people will die-

Barry: *furiously plays harmonica*

Byron: BARRY NO-

[theworldofkirby]

i adore you, noble haltmann… (president haltmann x reader fanfic)

A/N: hai guys i wrote a haltmann/rader fic as a kind of sequel to the dedede dating simulator bc i dont feel like coding another game to make a haltmann dating sim so take this haltmann x reader fic instead

ok so like u are in dream land right??? well :) it was taken over by capitalizm!!!!1 omg

you, (y/n) the SEXIEST freak in planet plopstar is almost crushed by one of those leg things on the haltmann works company star dream thingy ok? yea so you dodge that and like… there's a window or somethin and a guy falls out of there

you watch as he falls. he falls for like 10 minutes. but then he lands on the ground next to you and you hear a crumch.

"ow" the male says

"omg!!!!! are u ok" u ask the masculine man

"i think i broke my pelvurouscula" he says

"omg no……" u say and hold him gently. u have magic healing powers so u heal him

"gasp" he gasped. "i don't feel like dead anymore"

he gets up and u cant help but admire he. his beautiful egg shaped bod and wicked pinstripe suit. and his luscious hair and mustache.

"newayz my name is haltmann. max profitt haltmann" he said with not a trace of happy

"haltmann….. my name is (y/n)" u smile

"ok" he says. "i have to go home. bye"

he goes into his headquarters but u follow him. u keep talking to him "um so wat are u doing? i almost died" u frowned

"oh no" haltmann says. "did i accidentally park my plant on u"

"ya" u nod

"im so frickign sorry" haltmann starts crying. "i'm such trash i cant commit capitalizm without almost killing peopel"

u frown at the egg's sadness. "dont cry haltmann…" u say comfortationally

"no it's not okay i'm shaking and crying rn. i might throw up" haltmann starts crying

haltmann cries and opens his office door and runs in and throws himself onto his bed dramatically like a sad disney princess. u enter his office and hear some haunting lyrics…

"I pull away to face the pain

I close my eyes and drift away

Over the fear that I will never find

A way to heal my soul

And I will wander 'til the end of time

Torn away from you

My heart is broken

Sweet sleep, my dark angel

Deliver us from sorrow's hold

Or from my hard heart"

u turn off haltman's ipod. "Haltmann" u say

"no my music" haltmann sobbed

"haltmann." u say again but more like… asssertively

"ouuu" haltmann screams into his pillow. "first i break my airpods and now my music is dead"

"HALTMANN" u grab him and sit him up

"what" haltmann sniffs

"whats wrong" u ask

"u see (y/n) i lost someone in da past… i forget who that was tho… but like someone died ok? and now im sad" haltmann explaines

"halmann" u look into his deep blue orbs. "i…"

"yes (y/n)?" haltmann blinks his beautiful sapphire saucers at u

"i…" u blush "i…"

"..." haltmann …ed

"i think u need to seek therapy" u gently stroke his bangs

"omg… ur right" haltmann tears up. he gives u a hug. "thank u (y/n)"

"ur welcome" u smile

"im so tired of depression. i will defeat this evil inside me. thank u (y/n)"

u get on his computer and start googling local therapists in dream land. "here's one," u say. "call them and see if they're accepting new patients"

haltmann gets his sexy cellphone out and calls the therapist. "hi mr. therapist, my name is max profitt haltmann and my friend (y/n) says i need therapy"

"ya we can take u in" says the therapit. "we will have u do an intake next month ok"

"n. next month." haltmann starts to tear up

u look at haltmann ernestly. "better late than never, haltmann… ur patience will be rewarded"

haltmann sighs haltmannly. "ok. we will do next month"

haltmann finishes scheduling his therapy appointment. u look at him with a pleased look on ur face. "that was kinda sexxy of u haltmann, working towards self care like that" u smirk and wink

haltmann blushes "haha yea i guess that is pretty sexy. um, not that i'm trying to be cool or anything" he stutters

"hey u can call urself sexy and cool all u want," u laugh. "ur epic even"

"(y/n)..." haltmann blushes. he leans in and gives u a kiss. his cute little mustache hairs tickle ur upper lip.

"teehee" u giggle. "ur mustache is so cute"

"thank u" haltmann says. "star dream says its ugly"

--

2 MONTHS LATER

haltmann knocks on ur door. u open it

"hi (y/n) my sweet honey bunches of oats" haltmann wraps his hands around u and dips u for a kiss

"h-haltmann" u blush "where did this come from"

"so u see, i followed thru with therapy like u suggested. little did i kno this would change my life" haltmann says. "going to therapy made me realize that i wasn't treating myself with respect, and if i want to feel respected by others, i need to develop respect for myself. without respect for myself, i won't be able to recognize gneuine respect from my friends and employees. and i cant live being so cynical anymore. i need to love myself, (y/n). i need to be my own bestie becuz who will be there for me when everyone is gone? i need to be there for myself"

u look at haltmann like this:

"haltmann… u… u mean…"

"yea. i love myself, (y/n), and its thanks to u…" haltmann kisses u again. "sory i didnt talk to you for the past 2 months btw i was depressed amd busy with therapy lol"

"its ok haltmann i love u no matter what" u stroke his egg head

"yea" haltmann nods. "um btw i like need some new music to listen to bc my therapist says i shuld stop listening to such depressing music if it makes me wallow in sadness more"

"say no more" u say as u smirk and take out of ur bookshelf a CDs of Hannah Montana 3 and the High School Musical Sountrack

u and haltmann spend the night picking out the best disney channel songs to boost his self confidence. soon enough its morning. "omg its morning" haltmann gasps

"it was nice spending the night with u haltmann" u blushed "we should do it again someday"

"no, (y/n)" haltmann gives u an onion ring "we will do it again today. marry me"

"ok" u blush

u and haltmann have a beautiful wedding with the stupidest most extravagant dress and cake bcuz hes rich. ur live happy ever after the end

[forestshadow-wolf]

Another roach hc but it's random. He takes ice cubes and chews them as snacks. He'll be like "I'm gonna get a snack" and you hear a loud ass crunch and he's breaking his teeth on ice cubes. There isng even ang flavor, it's not really a snack, it's actually his way to get hydrated.

YES!! I SEE IT SO WELL

I am enlightened

The someone walks into the kitchen or something at 3am and bugboy is just sitting on the counter crumching on ice

He's like that cat crunchy on food meme- hang on