#I literally woke up at like 6 am so I could draw this

[miranita]

I’m obsessed with silver fox varric! 😩💖

[1shirt2shirtredshirtdeadshirt]

I woke up this morning and saw I had a message in my inbox on AO3, presumably about by new fic, and was excited to see the feedback.

When I read what they wrote it was a small comment that said "stop using sudowrite".

Had no idea what that even means, so I had to look it up and found out it's some form of a writing AI.

Absolutely fuming.

I want to make something abundantly clear right now:

I have not been hand writing and editing all of my own stories, hundreds of pages worth of personally hand written or hand typed content for the past 16 years, only to get accused of using any form of lazy ass writing AI now.

This is what I love to do. For fun.

I put in a lot of unpaid time, creativity and energy into my writing and editing. The only thing I ask for in return is participation from the fandoms I love, be it via thoughtful feedback or valid criticisms.

But this is neither of those things. This is just an outright, baseless lie against the art that I have worked so hard to make myself, and I won't be undermined or discredited.

There's anger, and then there's whatever space I am occupying well past it right now.

It's infuriating to pour hours of my love, thought and creativity into original content only to have someone come out of nowhere and try to tell me I've been having an AI do it, especially 16 years deep.

Bitch please.

I also found out that app came out in 2020 . . . As I mentioned, I published my first K/S story in 2008 as Ruby JW on the K/S archives, and my first fanfic on fanfic.net was published in 2007 as luigi_is_stellar.

I invite anyone to peruse my decades-long collection of independent content that I have single-handedly accomplished well before such an app even existed, then come back to me and try to tell me that what I do here isn't authentic.

I don't usually get spicy, but when it comes to the art I spend hours writing and drawing independently with my own blood sweat and tears, yeah. I'm going to get spicy.

I do far too much unpaid work out of passion and love for this fandom to have such a serious accusation flung my way out of nowhere.

It's the first time in my 16 years of writing for this fandom that I've ever been accused of plagiarism, and you best trust and believe that I don't take that accusation lightly. I work too damn hard to let someone discredit the work I do personally in such a baseless manner.

Anyway, that was discouraging AF. I am boggled to learn that AI writing is even a thing, no less someone coming out of the woodwork to try to accuse me of using it 16 years into story publishing when I literally teach academic honesty and writing ethics in my line of paid work as an English professional.

Genuinely: Do you know who you're talking to?

A bit of background on me:

I come from a not-so-wealthy family who could not afford to pay to put me through school -- I paid for that all on my own. I had to earn my University English degree, one of four University degrees I hold on my own work and pay alone, without so much as a tutoring session or handout from home.

Not once would I have jeopardized everything I worked so hard and paid for out of my own pocket as a poor ass uni student working two jobs and doing night classes just to phone it in plagiarizing, not on one ounce of my work.

That was all me.

I've handwritten 3 MLA essays in under three hour exams BACK TO BACK, immediately followed by back-to-back Biology exams & a final lab where I ALSO had to write multiple essays and switch from MLA to APA mode within the span of 6 hours.

Those were all bound in handwritten yellow booklets well before we ever had Google Docs, Grammarly, formatting suggestions, or even regularly brought/had access to laptops in UNI. I did my work by hand.

I earned my degrees in English and Biology AT THE SAME TIME before I even turned 24. I earned a double major handwriting my own work papers like my life depended on it, and you actually think I'm about to phone it in now?

Step to me like that again, young blood. I ain't the one.😂

Anyway, I digress.

Ya girl ain't here to fight BC y'all know I tend to be very easygoing, full of humour, and I love to joke around in the fandom. I'm pretty wide open to opposing opinions or even criticisms. But this is unfounded slander, and I won't be taking that on the chin.

When it comes to my work, I take that very seriously, and I don't play around. My late father once told me that "The work you do and the degrees you earn are yours and yours alone, they can never take that education from you." I live by that sentiment, and have done so by putting forth honest work.

Be it paid or unpaid work, it's my work. Periodt.

It is an unfathomably disheartening and insulting message to receive as someone who writes all their own stuff themselves, draws all their own fanart themselves, does their own photo edits themselves, edits their writing themselves, and has never even used so much as a single outside beta reader/editor for my work. Not once. The art, the writing, the editing -- It's all me.

Bottom line:

Say you do or don't like my work, that's cash money and we good, whether it's your cup of tea or not.

Butt know that it is my work.

I will not put all of this free time, effort and love into my work only to be accused of lazily ripping the content that I have spent hours writing and personally editing from somewhere else.

And on that note, consider my PSA rant ended.

[satellite-evans]

All I want

Pairing: Chris Evans x reader

Summary: your daughter Lily is the best gift-giver in the world.

Word count: 1.4k+

Warnings: FLUFFF

A/N: I literally wrote this in 30 minutes, so if it doesn't make sense, I'm sorry lmao

English is not my first language, so I apologize if I made any (grammar) mistakes. Feedback, requests, talks, vents, recommendations or just simple questions are always welcome.

Happy reading xxx

I do NOT give permission for my work to be translated or reposted on here or any other site.

Christmas was one of Chris’ favorite holidays. Not only was he able to take a break from work, but he also could celebrate it with the people he loved the most. Especially with you and your daughter.

The special moments you shared with Chris got more meaning when Christmas came around, happiness was sprinkled over the both of you like glitter, and the both of you couldn’t let the smile disappear on your faces during the holidays. And of course, Lily, the sun and moon of Chris, was enjoying that her father was home and could spend more time with her.

“Shhh, Daddy, you gotta be quiet.”

With Christmas pajamas and fluffy socks on, Lily tried her utter best to surprise you. Being pregnant and taking take of the house and a 6-year-old was difficult, even your daughter caught that. You got tired more often, easily forgot stuff you usually didn’t, broke a couple of glasses, and it was obvious that Chris wasn’t around and you needed a break. Since he came home from setting to celebrate Christmas with his family, Lily saw this as an opportunity to do something special for her mom.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, but these fluffy socks make you slip, huh?”

When Lily came to him to explain her little surprise for her mom, Chris felt psychically his heart grow a few sizes bigger. Here she was, only 6 years old, worrying about her mother and trying to make her feel better. In all honesty, Chris felt like shit. He always left with an uneasy feeling when he needed to fly for work, but now that you were pregnant again and had to take care of a child too, It felt like he was the worst dad on the planet. Of course, as the amazing woman you were, you always calmed him down on phone calls and made him sure that there was nothing to be worried about, that everything was fine. Even If it wasn’t, you would never admit that to him.

“Okay daddy, I am going to open the door and give you the sign when to come in, okay?” The both of them stood in front of the bedroom door you shared with Chris, where you were sleeping quietly, not knowing what was going on. Lily slowly opened the door, trying as hard as she could not to make a sound that could wake her mom up. While Lily tiptoed towards you, Chris was still waiting in front of the door with a plate of breakfast the two of them made.

Lily got on the bed and saw her mom peacefully sleeping. Not able to help herself, she bent down and kissed her mom’s belly. Since the moment she found out she was going to be a big sister, she was nothing but affectionate towards the baby. Showering your belly with kisses, giving you hugs, talking to the baby, and even drawing on your belly. Seeing your daughter being so kind and lovely made you proud as a mother, but also emotional. It felt like yesterday when you held Lily for the first time, and now she was turning into a little lady.

“Mommy, can you wake up for me, please?” Lily’s voice was so soft, that Chris almost didn’t hear it. She was always kind and soft when she was next to you.

“Mommy, please wake up. We have a surprise for you.” After trying to wake you up for a second time, Lily saw that your eyelids slowly opened and welcomed the sunshine that came through the window. After rubbing your eyes and looking left & right, you finally acknowledged the presence that woke you up in the first place, and a smile immediately appeared on your face.

“Good morning, mommy.”

You opened your arms, to embrace Lily in a big hug. She put her face in your neck while you put your face in her neck. The scent of strawberries filled your nose and a feeling of warm, fuzziness washed over you.

“Mhm, good morning, Lily. What is the surprise you’re talking about, sweetie?”

Lily immediately stood up, looked behind her, and give her father a thumbs-up, signaling for him to come in. When you saw that Chris wore the same type of pajamas Lily wore, you sat straight to get a better look and saw the plate he was holding. With a surprised face, you waited for them to explain what was going on.

“Good morning, honey. Look what Lily and I made for you.”

When Chris bent down to put the plate on your lap, he also put a loving kiss on your lips that made Lily grin widely.

The moment you looked down at your lap, you couldn’t believe your eyes. Chocolate pancakes, eggs, waffles, basically everything you loved, were on the same plate. Lily also didn’t forget to put a drawing of hers too, where she drew you with a belly, Chris, herself, and Dodger in a park. She also wrote ‘I love my big family’ in her cute little handwriting. Tears were already building up and with your pregnancy hormones, you knew you were going to cry about this for a while.

“I-I don’t understand you guys. What was the need for all of this? I am honestly lost for words for this nice gesture, and Lily, this drawing is the cutest thing I have ever seen, baby. Thank you.”

Lily gladly welcomed the kisses you placed on her tiny cheeks, and Chris took pictures of this lovely family bonding.

“It was no problem at all, mommy. You made me breakfast every day, so now I am going to make you breakfast every day. You deserve more. Oh! that reminds me, give her the other surprise daddy, come on, do it!”

She jumped up and down the bed, showing clearly how excited she was.

“Okay okay, give me a second monkey.”

He took an envelope from his pocket and handed it to you. You cleaned your cheeks first with your hands and opened the envelope. Chris was nervously waiting for your reaction with his hands on his mouth while Lily was still jumping.

When you saw what was inside, the only thing you could do was gasp. Chris booked you a relaxing trip to your favorite destination with saunas, massages, spas, and pedicures included.

“I-I don’t understand. What is this?” you truly had no words to describe what you were feeling right now.

“It’s a little getaway, honey. You deserve it. These last weeks were hard on you and Lily wanted to surprise you with something special. We hope you like it.”

Like was the last word to even begin to explain the feelings you were going through.

“And this was your idea, Lily.”

She nodded and gave you a side hug.

“I know it was hard to take care of me alone, mommy. And you’re pregnant. That can’t be easy! And I want the best for you, so I hope you’ll like it. I love you, mommy.”

There it was. That was all you needed to completely lose it and break into tears. You took lily close to your chest and hugged her tightly while you looked at Chris. Even though neither of you said anything, both of you knew how much you loved one another. He joined the hug and embraced the both of you, leaving a kiss on both of your heads.

“You guys are the best thing that’s ever happened to me. But I didn’t need this breakfast or a trip. All I want is you guys. I feel the most relaxed, the happiest when I’m with you guys.”

Lily felt the baby kick and broke the hug to give her sibling a big kiss.

“Even my little sister likes the gift!”

“Of course she would, baby. Her big sister is the kindest and best gift-giver in the world.”

She only hummed, hugging your belly once again while Chris could do nothing but leave another kiss on your lips.

“Did you really like it?” He whispered on your lips, staying close.

“I did baby, thank you. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

[fukurofanfics]

Fukuro Part 8: Making It Up The Right Way

A/N: I know it’s been a thousand years since I last posted, but get over it. Looking back, I’ve noticed that this story has mostly been sexual content so far, next chapter picks up with more of the storyline as opposed to Kaito just fucking everyone. Enjoy! (Also thanks for 100 followers. Shoutout to @ggidolsmuts, his reblog of part 6 really helped me)

Warning: This series contains graphic depictions of violence, graphic sexual content, and adult language throughout. It is not intended for persons under sixteen. Reader discretion advised.

(Also, I’m writing according to what I think the characters would be like in real life, so they might not always be in character. Some character traits are made up by me, such as Jiwon’s affinity with computers.)

Chapter 8: Making It Up The Right Way

It was a while before Yiren woke up, she slept for a good bit. Jiwon and I brought her down to my large bed and covered her up. Jiwon went away and I stayed with her.

I felt at peace then, with her slumbering next to me and me sitting there with her, watching over her.

Finally, she stirred drowsily and her eyes opened a fraction.

“Kai?” She mumbled sleepily. 

“I’m here, baby.”

She reached out a hand and grasped mine.

“Had a good rest?” I asked gently, scooting closer to her and laying down, pulling the blankets over myself.

“Yes.” She replied. “I was tired.”

“You came four times, I’m not surprised.”

“Was it four?” She chuckled softly. “I lost track, it was so good.”

“I know.” I said. “How do you feel about tonight?”

She smiled and snuggled up to my chest. 

“Good. I’m all rested up.”

“You know what we haven’t done in a while?” I asked on a completely random note. 

“Hmm?”

“Gone outside. Or done anything outside of this cube.”

“Kaito,” she said, in tones of a mother scolding her child, eyes still shut, “what are you planning?”

“I don’t like the thought of the risk, but it’s been too long since we did anything. We might as well while we can, before we’d be in mortal danger.”

I could literally (figuratively) hear the eye-roll and she smiled.

“What are you planning?”

“What do you say we go out tonight for dinner? Like, real dinner with actual people?”

“Sounds good to me. You sure we won’t get accosted by an eight-foot-tall behemoth with five-inch claws?”

I laughed.

“I can’t be sure, ever. They pop up in the most random spots. They can smell the toxin in my sword, they follow me everywhere.”

“If they can smell the toxin and they know it can kill them, why attack to start with?”

“They view me as a threat and want to take me out if possible.” I explained. “I don’t exactly make it easy for them, and to attack me is suicide. If they attacked one of you, I wouldn’t rest until I’d hunted down every last one or died trying. They’ve already taken my parents, I couldn’t stand it if they took one of you. They’d probably also hold one of you hostage to draw me in. They know I’d come for you, they’re very clever.”

“Well, let’s hope that doesn’t happen, then.” Yiren said.

Her soft, silky hair rubbed along my arm and shoulder and without a second thought I reached up and started stroking her head. She sighed in contentment.

“Maybe. I’ll see what the others think about it. This is very relaxing, by the way.”

I smirked. “It is for me, too. You know petting an animal, like a dog or a cat relieves stress and anxiety?”

“What, am I just your stress toy now?”

“Maybe you are my toy, just a different kind.”

“Oh, so I’m just a fleshlight.”

“Yeah.”

She snorted and slid her bare arm over my stomach. 

“Well, since when did a fleshlight want to be used?”

At the same time, I felt her thigh slide over my own underneath the blanket.  Some moisture was palpable closer to where her panties were.

“Been dreaming about that ‘usage’?”

She scooted over and settled between my legs, her back to my chest.

“Yes.” She didn’t even hesitate. “I was dreaming about you.”

“Yeah?” I said in a lower voice, sliding my hand over her leg. “What did I do?”

“You fucked me so hard I screamed out in pleasure,” she said seductively, hand slowly drifting towards my waist, further in. “I squirted all over you.”

“It’s not like I couldn’t tell,” I said, dropping my hand lower and drawing a gasp from her, “you were moaning in your sleep.”

“Was I?” She asked. “Makes sense.”

“It’s going to happen tonight.” I said sensually, teasing her already-wet pussy with two fingers. “You, Jiwon, and I are going to fuck. A lot. Both of you are going to squirt all over me.”

She did nothing but moan in reply at the finger swirling her clit. Seeing my opportunity, I plunged my fingers into her already wet pussy, and she bit her lip hard to keep from shouting out, as we could be heard. Among my feelings of intense arousal, it reminded me that I hadn’t seen Sihyeon or Hwang-ja since they had fucked. I supposed that would put an end to my plans to fuck her. I was not sad about not having to listen to Eun-ji’s words earlier all over again.

“Kai,” Yiren gasped, clutching at my arm as I mercilessly rubbed at her g-spot, making her cry out, “Kai, I’m gonna cum, I’m fucking cumming! Oh, I’m so close, don’t stop!”

Her words spurred me on and I pumped her pussy faster, bringing her to her fifth orgasm of the day full on and eliciting a muffled scream from her as she hastily turned her face into the pillow to stay quiet.

Surprisingly, I wasn’t really thinking about the here and now, I was thinking about Eun-ji. I still needed to talk to her, there was no use putting it off.

She was slowly returning to reality by the time I turned back to her.

“Sorry, Yiren, I’ve got to go, there’s some business I have to handle with Eun-ji.”

“You go, Kaito.” She replied, tracing her own abs with an idle finger. “I know what the ‘business’ is, Jiwon unnie told me what happened earlier.”

“Did she?” I muttered, getting off the bed and putting on my shirt, not that it would be needed for much longer. “Well, then you know what’s happening. I’ll see you later.”

My new earpiece suddenly filled my ear with the voice of Joonhon, my head servant and overseer of the entire bunker’s function.

“Mr. Kobayashi, sir, the voice activation in the elevators is fully functional and ready for use. We’ve finally gotten it to work.”

I pressed the speak button on the small device and said,

“Joonhon, if I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a million times. Just call me Kaito. We’re friends, I prefer to be called by an informal name.”

“Sorry, sir. Kaito.”

“That’s better.  That’s great, I’m heading to the elevator now.”

Yiren waved after me as I stepped into the elevator, and the last image I saw before it was cut off by the doors closing was that of Yiren’s adorable face looking back at me and winking.

“Floor three.” I said to the elevator, and a small screen lit up with green on black text and a photo of me: 

                                           Kaito Kobayashi

                                         Identity Confirmed

                                      Floor 3 Access Granted

“Confirmed.” The elevator’s automated voice replied, and the elevator started moving.

“Good job, Joonhon.” I said into my earpiece. “Very impressive.”

“Thank you, sir. Have a good day.”

“You too, buddy. Pyeonghwa.”

The elevators opened to reveal Yurim and Se-Rim doing their nails.

“Have either of you seen Eun-ji?” I asked, interrupting their giggles.

“Yes, I think she went up to the roof.” Yurim said. “Said she wanted some time to think.”

“A bit odd if you ask me,” added Se-rim, “but then again, we’re all pretty stressed out lately.”

“Okay, thanks.”

I headed back into the elevator and after telling it “roof”, it started to move. 

I arrived at the roof and the doors opened to reveal Eun-ji standing there, waiting for it to arrive to her. She gave a small yelp and jumped back, my appearance taking her by surprise.

“Kaito?!”

“Yes?” I said, taking a step towards the exit. “Were you going down?”

“Erm, actually, I was looking for you.”

“Me?” I said, truly taken aback. “Why were you looking for me?”

“I wanted to talk to you.”

I stepped out of the elevator and followed her over to the couch. Maybe I wouldn’t have to do anything, maybe she would do it all herself. I knew what she wanted to talk about, and there was no doubt she was going to want to make it up to me.

“So,” she said, swallowing, “I wanted to talk to you about this morning.”

“Yes, I figured.” I said. 

“I said a lot of things that I didn’t mean, that I regret ever even thinking of saying.” She continued. “And I wanted to apologize.”

I remained quiet, waiting to see where she took it. 

“I’m sorry, Kaito.” She said, looking me directly in the eye. I spotted tears welling in her eyes as she spoke, and her bottom lip trembled . “I really never meant to say it, I know you do care, that’s why we’re here. I know you care more than anything.”

She got off her seat and wrapped her arms around me, and the sincerity of her words vibrated in my bones. I knew she meant them. 

“Forgiven, Eun-ji.” I said into her ear, patting her on the back. “I’ll not pretend I wasn’t hurt by it, but I can’t pretend I never say things I don’t mean, either. Everybody makes mistakes, I can’t fault you for being angry. I know you didn’t mean it.”

She disengaged and sat back down.

“I still feel bad, though, even when you forgive me.” She said, voice choked up, a single tear running down her cheek. 

With that she just broke down. She flung herself into my arms and started crying, and to me it felt like some kind of emotional dam had burst within her. It felt like an eternity that she sat there and wailed into my shirt, and I found it very hard not to join her in remorse. 

It made me feel awful. Maybe I had been too hard on her this morning, but whatever it was I felt awful.

“I’m s-sorry,” she said, wiping her eyes on her shirt, “it’s just I’ve been so stressed and scared, and the thing this m-morning-“

She couldn’t finish the sentence and lost it again, sobbing into my chest.

“It’s okay, Eun-ji.” I said, making a supreme effort to keep my own voice steady. “It’s alright. I’m here, there’s no need to be scared.”

After a bit she fell into silence.

“I’m sorry.” She said once she had calmed down.It’s been so stressing since we came, I’ve just been keeping it inside. There are so many things I’ve just kept to myself, it just all flooded me. The thing this morning was the last straw, I just couldn’t take it.”

“It’s okay.” I said firmly. “Eun-ji, listen to me. You have nothing to be worried about. Nothing can reach us here. I would give my own life for any one of you, it would be over my dead body that the Fukuri would touch you. You’re safe here. As for the incident this morning; I forgave you. I know you didn’t mean what you said. You are an amazing person, and nothing you do will ever change that. I love you, and nothing you do will ever change that. Don’t keep your emotions away from me like that, it’s not good. I don’t ever want you to feel like you can’t talk to me. If you’re feeling down, talk to me. I’ve been through a lot in my time, I can understand what it feels like.”

She looked up at me, and the gratitude in her expression made me feel much better. She looked adorable, and her vulnerability in that moment strengthened our bond. 

“Thank you, Kaito. Thank you so much, for everything. For spending your time, money, and effort getting us here, for saving us, for being so understanding and kind. You’re a really great guy, Yiren is lucky to have someone like you.”

Her words to me were more heartwarming than almost anything I’d ever heard. She sat back from the embrace on her knees and looked at me. 

“So how can I make up for what I said?”

I returned her gaze, surprised. “What?”

“I said,” she repeated, “how can I make up for what I said? You’re extremely kind for letting it go so quickly and so easily, but I want to do something to make it up to you.”

“What do you have in mind?”

“Well…” she trailed off, and I noticed a blush growing rapidly in her tear-streaked cheeks. “I had one idea…because of the topic this morning…”

Understanding blazed though my brain and I was shocked, though it was what I came up here for in the first place.

“Wait - Eun-ji, you’re not suggesting-“

“Yes, I am.” She confirmed, starting forward.

“Wait!” I said hurriedly as she reached for my waistband and she paused, one eyebrow raised. “Stop, you don’t have to - I’m not asking you for - you don’t need to do this.”

“Well, that’s the thing.” She said, hooking her finger inside my pants. “I want to.”

What a change from this morning. A comparison from earlier, when she exploded because I fucked Yiren, to now, when she was trying to fuck me herself.

I paused. “You’re sure you want to do this? I don’t want you to feel obligated to.”

“I’m sure, Kaito. I deserve it for this morning,” she said, and put a finger to my lips when I opened my mouth to protest. “and you deserve it for being so understanding.”

“You’re absolutely positive you want to go through with it?” I asked in a last-ditch attempt to prevent it. I didn’t want her doing this because she felt compelled to because of this morning. I had to forcefully remind myself of why I came up here to start with. “If you go through with it, I won’t hold back.”

“Good,” she said lustfully, “I don’t want you to.”

With these words she yanked my pants and boxers down over my legs and to my ankles, releasing my partially-hard cock.

I took a deep breath. If this was what she really wanted, that’s what she was going to get, no mercy included.

She gave a yelp as I grabbed her head by the hair and pulled her face into my crotch. Her tongue nimbly darted out and ran along my balls. She had clearly had some experience with this. It wasn’t on Jiwon’s level, but still good enough that it felt incredible. She hadn’t even started sucking my dick yet. 

She let out a moan as she sucked on my balls, rapidly making me hard as a rock. Now that we started down the road, we weren’t going back. I hadn’t been kidding about not holding back. I lifted her head and pushed my cock into her mouth, spearing her lips open and gagging her at the back of her throat. But apparently that was just a taster.

She got up, walked around to the side of the couch, slid off her skirt, panties, shirt, and bra, bent over, and slid herself over my legs in a position that highlighted the curves and rounds of her ass, hips, and thighs. 

“I don’t feel obligated to do anything,” she said matter-of-factly, “but I need to be punished. And before you object,” she added, not even having to look at me to know I was about to dispute it, “nothing you say is going to change my mind on that.”

My objection fell dead on my lips and I sat unmoving.

“Well?” Her inquiry rose on the air. “Are you going to get on with it or am I going to sit here all day with my ass out, waiting for you to do something?”

I hesitated still. I didn’t feel like it was my place or my right to punish her for saying something she didn’t mean in the heat of the moment, especially in this way. But her alluring nude body was drawing me in like a fish on a hook, and I was finding it increasingly difficult to resist her.

She looked sideways up at me with a seductive look, turning to her pure sexiness for help. 

“I was a bad girl, and shouldn’t naughty girls be punished?” She said, intentionally making her voice lower and more breathy. “This girl needs to be spanked.”

“You know what?” I growled, primal instinct as always winning the battle against reasoning and gentlemanliness.  “Have it your way.”

She bit her lip and I gave her ass a hard, sidelong swat with my hand. She yelped in both pain and pleasure and I waited, seeing if she was alright. She gave her ass a wiggle, silently spurring me on. I smacked her three more times before deciding on a different method. There was a cabinet that happened to have a hairbrush sitting on it nearby, so I reached over and grabbed the brush, flipping it so the flat end would hit her.

She uttered a yell as the brush struck her, making her ass ripple on impact. I paused again, making sure she was still comfortable with it before going on.

“Spank me harder!” 

I gladly complied with her shouted demand, smacking her ass with the hard plastic again, and again, and again. I lost count of how many times I spanked her, her ass turning redder and redder. She yelped and moaned and shouted out, whether in pain or pleasure I didn’t know or really care. Occasional cries of “harder” or “more” came from her, and I let my instinct hotwire my brain. My hand briefly grazed her naked pussy and I was shocked to see how wet she was. Clearly the spanking was turning her on to that point. Her body quivered and her hands gripped the couch or my thigh each time the brush hit her, and she kept egging me on. 

“I’m about to fucking cummm-“ she moaned out, clutching at my leg. I tossed the brush to one side and slid my fingers down her pussy, ending on her clit and circling it swiftly. I ran the fingers back along it until I reached her entrance, which I slowly teased before plunging them inside. No hymen barrier blocked my entrance, so I knew she was not a virgin.

“Not a virgin, eh?” I said while she gave a pleasured whine, thrusting my fingers at a quick pace. “So you are a slut?”

“Only for you Kaito, only for you!” She whimpered. “I’ll be your slut, all of this is yours!”

“You’re fucking right it is,” I growled in her ear, giving her ass a hard slap with my free hand. “You’re mine.”

Something inside her snapped at my words and she climaxed with a scream as I jammed my finger into her g-spot. Her juices splattered my hand and coated my forearm as they sprayed out of her, and the tension relaxed as she fell limp against me, chest heaving.

“That was - fucking amazing,” she said, taking deep breaths, “you’re so good.”

I let her recover sufficiently before moving. I made her kneel on her knees, face resting on the couch. Her shining, sopping wet heat was facing me and I was still horny, so I positioned myself, lined up my tip with her entrance, and pushed in.

Where her face was, her mouth opened and a whimpering moan left it as her eyes closed in pleasure.

I slowly forced my way into her tight pussy, pleasurable resistance meeting me every centimeter of the way, until I bottomed out inside her.

“Fuck, you’re so tight,” I groaned through clenched teeth, my head tilting back as the feeling overwhelmed me. She was tighter than Jiwon by far, but not quite as tight as Yiren.

“Oh, it’s so deep,” she gave a soft, blissful hum as I filled her up, juices leaking out around the edges of my cock. She turned around and gave me that seductive stare, biting her lip. “Now fuck me.”

Raw, animalistic lust was the only thing I felt as instinct took over, and I jabbed my hips into her as hard as possible, a wet clap resounding around the roof. She cried out, reached around, and spread her ass cheeks, allowing for further view of my cock disappearing inside her. 

I took the cue and started fucking her hard and fast, going for pure power in my thrusts. Her body was like a drug, addictive and inebriating, and I leaned forward.

“I’m going to make you fucking pay for this morning,” I growled roughly into her ear, pulling her head back by her hair to let her hear me over her own cries.

“Yes!” She yelled, turning her head and looking at me with desperate eyes. “Make me pay, punish me! Fuck me like I’m your little slut!”

“You get me wrong,” I said forcefully, her lips brushing my cheek, “you are my little slut, like it or not.”

She gave no reply except a string of mindless moans, unintelligible whispers that still held more meaning than words.

I grasped the ponytail I had formed her hair into and pulled harder.

“Say it! Fucking say it!”

“Y-yes!” She screamed out, fingers holding the couch like a vice. “I’m your slut! Fuck me however you want, I belong to you!”

Funny how just a taste of my cock had reduced all three of the members I had gone after to screaming, moaning sluts who begged me to dominate the. Each had had a different way of phrasing it, but all had the same message. Make me your slut.

I let go of her hair and reached around to her bouncing breasts, squeezing and groping her and heightening her pleasure. 

Pulling out, I turned her over onto her back, and she gave a disappointed moan before I quickly plunged back into her, the moan turning to a breathy, satisfied shout. I let myself rest on top of her, driving my shaft deeper and deeper with each thrust. 

“Oh my god yes, yes, f-fuck!” She screamed as I bottomed out inside her. “Fucking pound me! Pound my little pussy!”

“Shut up and take my cock!” I groaned through my teeth, knowing she was trying to coax the cum out of me with her dirty talk. 

She bit her lip as I gave her breast a slap, eyes closed and hands gripping my back. I felt myself nearing my peak, and she was lasting longer than I thought she would but I could still tell she was close as well.

“Cum in me Kaito,” she gasped into my ear, bucking her hips up into me, thighs flexed around my waist. 

I let out a moan myself as her walls clenched around me, but the expression on her face, her eyes closed, eyebrows angled upwards, her mouth open, was what sent me over the edge.

“I’m - fucking - cumming - FUCK!”

I managed three words and one yelled obscenity before slamming my cock into her, as deep as I could, and blasting her walls with my cum, giving a groan through my teeth as one of the most intense orgasmic highs I had ever had hit me like a truck.

I felt her juices hit me, but no sound came from her except a tiny squeak as her voice failed her. Her nails raked my lats and her legs gripped my middle very hard, her entire body trembling in pleasure. Then as soon as it came it stopped. Her thighs relaxed, her hands fell limp to her sides, and her pussy relaxed around my cock, still rapidly pulsing along with her beating heart. 

We only got to enjoy the afterglow of our passionate sex for a minute or so before Joonhon’s frantic voice blasted into my ear again.

“Kaito!” He shouted. 

“Joonhon, what the fuck!” I said, waving away Eun-ji’s questioning gaze and rising from the couch. “What is it?”

“Sir, you remember Makoto Takahashi?”

“Yes, why?”

I did remember him well, he decided to devote his life to helping the Fukuri a while ago, and had tried to kill me. 

“He’s resurfaced; he sent our server a message.”

“What did it say?” I asked warily, knowing that this couldn’t be good.

“He wants to talk to you, in person.”

“Tell him I said to fuck off. I don’t associate with dickheads like him.”

“I’m not sure that’s advisable, sir. He’s threatening you. He has the Fukuri on his side, as I’m sure you know, and he says he’ll bring them to us if you refuse.”

I hesitated. I didn’t want to see him, but by refusing I was risking the lives of myself, Everglow, and everyone else in the bunker. I couldn’t do that.

“Get the guards ready, Joonhon. We’re going to meet this motherfucker.”

[moroser]

[incoming long and personal and dark post]

it dawned on me that it’s april and that means it’s been 6 years since i stopped doing drugs. big achievement. i did weed the whole time, thinking i needed it to keep away from the worse stuff, but i stopped that too, almost 2 months ago now. everything i’m about to talk about i did without anyone in my life (offline) noticing and all by myself.

my entire life has been unstable and so difficult. and i mean difficult and sad. i used to drink pretty heavily, but i stopped when i found pills. i was taking pretty much any opioid i could find, i even stole them. i was text book addict with pills. i had every excuse to keep going with it, it made sense to me at the time. i was in so much pain mentally, emotionally, and eventually, physically. taking them was reprieve. 

eventually, i was taking so many a day, quite honestly i should have died. my brain was blank, i lost my creativity and i stopped drawing, which is the one thing i love the most to do. create. even though i did not stop, the fact i felt nothing in that realm anymore was heartbreaking. i’d spent several nights staring at the ceiling practically waiting to die. i had one dream that i can remember while on drugs and it was of me staring at myself opened-eyed and dead on my bed. it shook me.

the drugs affected my ability to think, cry and feel, then one day on my way to work, after taking so many, i got so sick on the side of the road on the freeway several times. eventually i pulled off into a town i didn’t know and passed out in the parking lot of a gas station for who knows how long. i woke up dazed with the taste of puke in my mouth, and totally dehydrated. i missed work, i was embarrassed with myself. i have no idea how long i sat there for before getting out of the car to walk around. eventually i made it home but i felt like i wasn’t the same after that. 

decided to detox (after trying before, and failing), which was the worst events i’ve been through in my life. took days, nearly a week to get over the worst of the symptoms. i don’t think i slept at all. i was so sick, shakes and chills, vomiting, etc. i let spongebob play for the entire time, that sponge grounded me lol. i’d made it through that time. and i stuck too it, using my desire to feel my creativity again and wanting to be better to my body to stay away from relapse. 

2017 i cleared my system of alcohol, pills, energy drinks, pop, and the only thing i’d let myself use was weed because i felt it would stop me from everything else. and technically, it did. it aided me for a long time. but the passed ~3 years i’ve been so ill with stomach issues and nausea and throwing up that i decided to stop that too. 

so now i’ve been completely sober for 1 month and 21 days. for the first time since high school i have nothing in my system that is altering me the way substance abuse has. it’s been a major adjustment. my focus is shit, my sleeping is difficult and my dreams are insanity. it literally feels like i’m sleeping just to wake up somewhere else because my dreams are so vivid and clear. i wake up every four hours having to adjust and remember i actually live here, not in dreamland. i didn’t dream at all while on drugs or weed, so in a way, i welcome the vibrancy of them. 

looking back, none of those things helped me. they only broke and shrouded my spirit with a darkness i don’t want to feel ever again. i want to be healthy and i want to give my body the chances that it deserves. i want to heal properly. i want to live so much. i want to find someone to be with that will understand me and accept me even with my flaws and history. i feel better already, but i know there’s still a long journey ahead and i can only hope it gets better. i deserve better. i know i’m a good person. i know i have so much creative potential in me and it’s what i want to give my energy and soul to.  

thanks for listening, if you read this. i am proud of myself for getting as far as i have but the support from my friends and strangers online has been a colossal sense of communal help i’ve never had offline. sharing my art has been a big help and just people enjoying it means so much to me. thank you.  

[ln-stories]

Leviathan's Mc!

This is the third drawing and headcannons of my mini series with the obey me charachers and their custom mcs. Previously i did Mammon's mc if you want you can check my page. After alot of thought i decided to make Levi's mc next. I'm accepting request for the next characher reccomentations, Ty for reading and enjoy!.

(Apologies for any grammar mistakes.)

Third Leviathan's MC

Warnings: Spoiler alert of the lessons, small swear words.

Heacannons:

This mc (he/him)

Personality: energetic, optimistic, shy sometimes Really Forgetful, aloof, secretly a Weeb, sensitive (very sensitive if someone bully him about his horns. Protect at all costs.)

1)This Mc is a medium size fella not to big not too small. A perfect size with much floof. He always have a pink blush in his face, He doesn't know why XDDD

2)when he arrived at devildom he was the only one that was asleep. When he woke up he was thinking that everything was a dream (bad one since he was seeing demons surrounding him). Poor guy had an existential crisis when he learned that it wasn't a dream.

3)At first he wouldn't get out of his room at all. He was really scared. Lucifer assignmented Levi to guide him in the devildom since this Mc showed a very introverted nature with them. Lucifer also hoped that Levi would find a new friend since he was locked himself in his room. 

4)The first meeting was awkward.. VERY awkward, With Levi repeating calling everyone a normie including the mc. This backfired with a big surprise cuz this mc is secretly a weeb, as one manga comic of an anime series that the mc was watching fell on the floor.

5)After that they has a duel what realm has the better anime and games. The jealousy and tesion was so intence you could cut it with a knife XDDD. They had a big rivalry with eachother proving the superiority of their favourite series and games. (i imagine the MC doing jojo poses and Levi be like "WTF am i watching now???")

6)After the TSL showdown, Mc was really hurt with Leviathan actions, both of them took some time to cool off. Levi admitted that Mc won and decided to make peace with them, earning Leviathan pact. (the pact mark is visible on one of Mc's ears).

7)This mc had many incecurities and it turns out he was bullied alot in RAD. One of Mc's incecurities is that he didn't had any horns compared to other mcs of this series. 

8) Slowly both leaviathan and mc started hanging out exhanging games and anime series that they should try out. They bonded over the colorful characters and funny scenes to the point they turned thing into regular meetings in Levi's room.

9) Both of them failing classess Miserably since they spend alot of time together playing very late at night. They almost had to repeat a year.

10) Leviathan and Mc have a wholesome relationship mostly, thought sometimes Levi jealousy and incecurities gets in the way.

11) Levi and Mc had alot of deep talks with their gaming sessions. Levi always remembered that they were incecure about not having horn like the others. Sooo Levi decided to do something about it.

12) Since Levi is a premium member of Akuzon... He decided to buy secret magic horns for the mc as a token of appreciation for all the good times they had so far. (The mc loved them and wore them everyday, the bullies got real quiet after that XDD). Also gifts are also an often thing that Levi does to mc, whitch include manga and special limited stuff.

13) After some time Levi and Mc are inseparable, either they are hanging out to levi room, or Mc's room. Not anywhere near outdoors. (only on events with the others, otherwise outside? Big no)

14) Levi is getting jealous alot when the Mc is hanging out with someone else other than him. Overthinking alot that the mc doesn't care for him anymore. (whitch is not true). Well he is the avatar of envy, its literally his first nature.. 

15) Sometimes his jealous issues are getting severe alot sometimes he doesn't act upon them, sometimes he does.. and when it does he doesn't let mc out of his room, making excuses for "cmon one more episode mcccc pleaseee! It's about to get good!!".

16) The mc is guarding Levi rooms at times whenever he away so that Mammon doesn't steal stuff or money. One time Mammon tried to steal a limited edition ruri-chan figuring and it didn't end well for Mammon since Mammon's mc will drag his ass away and apologize for him to the mc and Levi.

17) Mammon's mc and Leaviathan's mc have a very wholesome bond. Kind of like a wholesome sibling bond. Whitch is soo cuteee.

18) Sometimes the mc with levi will play online with the angels luke and simeon. Lets say we all know who wins those online games XDDD. (poor luke and simeon RIP)

19)This mc is very forgetful sometimes, when events are coming up, Levi is always making sure to remind them and ask them if they wanna go together. (sooo wholesome and shyy)

20) After RAD ended The mc didn't wanna return to the human realm, He got too attached to the devildom. He visits the human realm from time to time but he usually likes to stay at the devildom with his favourite person Levi. He made connections with the others as well. (closest friendships Mammon, Levi, simeon, luke and Mammon's mc)

Thank you for reading! i'm accepting requests for the next characher and the custom mc. Have a nice day!

[loveon-venus]

𝚃𝚛𝚊𝚙𝚙𝚎𝚍 𝚒𝚗 𝖑𝖊𝖆𝖙𝖍𝖊𝖗. 𝙱𝙸𝙻𝙻 𝙺𝙰𝚄𝙻𝙸𝚃𝚉 𝚡 𝚁𝙴𝙰𝙳𝙴𝚁

Pt.5

The Balcony Scene

It’s been about 6 hours since Ally left so it’s around 1 am?

I turn around to face the clock on my studio wall to confirm, I lied it’s 12am. I crack my neck and stand up from my desk leaving my sketchbook behind. I walk around my house looking for a lighter. I remember I left it out on the balcony and walk towards my room. As I walk passed my nightstand I grab a joint left there since last night. When I open and walk passed the glass doors into my balcony my phone rings.

“Hello?” I place the joint in my mouth and quickly light it. “Helloooo ____ what are you smoking?” A familiar voice echoes from my phone. “A joint, any particular reason why you called so late Bill?” “Because I felt like it, and it’s not late. For your information it’s 1 am”

Guess it’s one 1 am somewhere.

“Bill that’s late” “Whatever isn’t it 12 over there?” “Yesss but that’s an acceptable time to be awake” “So is 1 am…So what where you doing earlier before I called?” “Drawing out some designs, what were you doing?” “Well I just woke up from a nap” “Oohh I was about to go to sleep actually” “What?! No you should stay on call with me for a little longer.” Mmmm I don’t know” “Come on please!” “Alright fine..” I open the glass doors of my balcony and quickly grab a blanket. “What are you doing?” “Getting a blanket so I can sit outside” “Oh okay, on your porch?” “No balcony” I quickly grab a couple more pre-rolls and walk back out to my balcony. I sit on a chair I have out there for times like this. “Wow I didn’t know you had a balcony” “Most people don’t” “I wanna see this balcony of yours” “Well when you come to London just call me you and the band can stay over if you want, I have more than enough space” His laugh sends a wave through my heart. “Yeah sure I’ll ask them if they’re up for that thanks!” “Yeah no problem” I smile.

Pretty sure he could see it dispite the hundreds of miles between us. We talked for the rest of the night. At some point he asked Tom for weed so he could get high with me. Around 5 am is when we both hung up and went to bed. Though literally 5 seconds after I started to pass out someone else decides to call me.

That’s it…bye (also have y’all noticed that the title names are ‘sometimes’ songs???)

[domesticmail]

you already know what it issss!!

i live a very lonely life, admittedly. i have two friends: my boyfriend rudy (not his real name can't remember if i've used a pen name for him already. same dude i've BEEN dating), and cat (not her real name), who i met on instagram when she invited me to hang out w her and her friends. months later here we are! we hang out sometimes. cool.

rudy has more friends than me, always has. recently he's become friends with ally, and i'm not really sure what to do. ally and him met through a mutual friend and coworker, brady. ally and rudy seem to get along well; like, really well. i don't know how to feel about this.

they hang out three times a week, according to rudy, for like 30 mins at most. they smoke and shoot the shit with each other, mostly about brady, a little bit about climbing. he walks over to her apartment during a gap in his classes; knows her roommates, her friends, who once apparently fawned over him and how "strong" he was when he was in good climbing shape.

we agreed to have lunch today, last night before going to bed. this morning i woke up, and mentioned having lunch together; rudy complained he hadn't hung out with ally in a long time (they hung out on monday). i said oh, sorry, just have lunch with her today instead. but it really bothered me that he would rather have lunch with her than me.

i guess i'm being jealous, insecure, and horrible. i can handle being that in the void of my unknown tumblr blog.

rudy and i live together. we've been together almost two years. we've had a lot of arguments; even broke up once for a week.

he thinks i don't want him to have any friends, and he yells it at me whenever he can. i don't feel like i'm trying to take him away from his friends; i have never said "Rudy, you're not allowed to go to that." i've never stopped him from being friends with someone, let alone just because i don't like them. i get that that's childish and incredibly immature; i have never told him to stop hanging out with ally or complained about how horrible it is that he hangs out with ally so much. and honestly, i literally don't care what he does, so long as he takes care of my needs appropriately & his are taken care of as well.

he is, interestingly, supposed to take me out twice a month. rudy is really busy; one of the perks of living with him is that i can kind of bypass the 'busy' and be around him at home a lot. one of the cons is that the time spent together at home isn't really "quality time" a lot of the time, because it's just rudy working while i do schoolwork/play a game/entertain myself. he will frequently go to classes at 8:00am, be back home by 2:00pm, and then have to work until 5:00 or 6:00pm. so even though yeah, theoretically i'm 'around' him from 2:00pm to 5:00pm, but we're not actually spending time together. that's just...being in each other's orbit.

i need to spend time with him that isn't just in his or my orbit; i need to be together with him sometimes. i don't know if this makes me entitled.

rudy has told me that it does time and time again. that since we spend so much time together in the day, i am acting greedy by asking to spend more time with him. i think, okay, you'd be hanging out with me on that tuesday night anyway if we saw a movie...

i think i may be drawing a false equivalence between my dilemma and his friendship with ally, though. ally is gay, has acknowledged me & our relationship plenty of times, and has stated her own disinterest in a relationship. i think she is very confident in herself, so i feel inherently insecure.

i don't know. rudy did say he's been trying his best, but he didn't take me on a single date in september, and he took me on one in october. i get that he's busy. i'm never his first priority, and i don't always make second, either. i just wish he would be fucking HONEST with me and say that his friends are more important to him than taking me on dates. at least then i could leave him knowing it was just because him and i are a bad match romantically.

instead he makes me feel like i'm such a huge bitch for wanting to have lunch with him in the first place, that i'll never be satisfied with the amount of time we spend together, that i'm entitled and i never shut the fuck up, etc. etc. etc.

guys, at some point i might just leave him. i know i might be in the wrong for all of the insecurities, for feeling jealous that he goes so out of his way to be around ally, but i'm almost at my breaking point with the insults. neither of us are perfect people but my god, being called entitled and told to shut the fuck up by the one person you love feels like shit.

i'll put a disclaimer for you here: I UNDERSTAND THIS ALL MAKES ME A BAD PERSON. I FEEL LIKE A BAD PERSON. I KNOW I'M A BAD PERSON. please don't come into my dms telling me i'm a bad person. you will just be deleted & forgotten about

[rottingsparrow]

Oh boy oh boy here it is my thoughts on Lore Olympus episodes 1-10 I didn't include any pictures because I'm figuring out how I wanna do this also im tired but here it is:

Episode One: Stag, You’re It

Why the title

Minthes hair like connects to her head without a line not bad just a comment

Hades’ sharp ass nose but I enjoy the colors, not super bright yknow

Hera looks so cool but also like snatched almost unnaturally

She is a god tho so

Zeus lets goooo such a solid color imo

Im sorry but artemis’ hair is a lil ugly

Love that all the main characters are snatched /s

Episode Two: Who is She?

And Persophone is now 3 shades lighter ok

Also like i hate the dress Artemis gives persephone it ugly

Persophones hair changed lengths like 2 times but maybe im seeing it wrong

Also artemis if she doesnt wanna be here leave wtf

How is. How is hades holding his drink

Zeus changed colors king

I understand lighting and shading but like. Damn

Ok so if Poseidon hates Odysseus does that mean the events of the Odyssey already happened

Ep 3: Who is She pt 2

LMAO what is hades’ nose

Why did she have random parts w/ no color not a complaint just curious

HER FOREHEAD SO LARGE IN THIS ONE PANEL

“Short sighted” Do we ever see him wear glasses again

Zeus’ lil. Hair thingies keep disappearing

“Honestly i think she puts Aphrodite to shame” wow comparing women/hj

Seriously tho like. why

Ep 4: Who is she pt 3

Idk why she does random scenes where the characters are all like just one color. Not bad per say but weird

Gives artemis huge boobs and in one panel they are either smaller or gone

Artemis bestie if that one thing distracts you from your friend you gotta get ur priorities straight

“Hey kiddo wanna have some real fun” ew

Omg purple eros

So much hair

Did she just give her hair powers so she could draw diff styles lets be honest

Ep 5:

Aphrodites hip angle is so sharp it could kill me

“Friggin” makes my mind go to supernatural and i dont appreciate it

Omg shes a cinnamon roll shes so adorable and gorgeous and yet sexy and *i get shot*

Mother emotionally guilting her son omg its my life

The listen panel. Haunts my dreams

Why does she have so many different painting/coloring styles

LMAO LOOK AT HADES ON THE BALCONY its. Its bad

Ep 6

W hy do they stand like that persephone pls

Love demeters colors tho

This is. This is the metaphor for the maidenhood thing right

Thats how i always saw it

Wow persephone you just woke up and you look so pretty wowww woww

Rachel rachel please does her hair have bangs or not just choose

I do actually like the panel with cerberus, persephone, and hades its nice

Ep 7

Cerberus is so cute

Hades shut the fuck up

The coat is cute

Persephone get off the counter this isnt ur house

Whos minthe? Stop being nosy damn

Didnt really have much to say bout this one

Ep 8

Why are both their eyes open i know they arent in love but that so weird right

Is his dick out or is she just naked on him

“Salutiations” old man

Every second i read persephones eyes get bigger

“I would pay you a salary to barge in on every single aspect of my life” is actually cute however. You literally just met her she hasnt even introduced herself

I dont understand why he thought she meant sex idk

I like that his business card has diff names for him

SHE WAS HOLDING HERS IN HER TITTY WHY

Ep 9

Persephone giggling over that is kinda weird imo but whatever

Persephone please pic a face shape

“Come here puppy” look. Look at her face. Wtf

Train ur dogs hades smh

We never see like any of these dogs fuck you rachel i want dogs

“Let the unionize see if i care” haha so funny haha wow so. So funny. Hades ur such a character

Why is her mouth so high up in this one panel

Hehe puppy

Man in bushes

Ep 10

Why does he have so many cars he doesnt need em

The little :p panel is cute

NOT HER FACE AGAIN RACHEL PLEASE JUST LOOK ONCE MORE

Stop yelling hades

Persephones hair is looking bad rn ngl

I love the colors of the underworld tbh

Rachel please go in depth on how you travel there between realms i am so curious

Artemis randomly gains bangs

I know her hair was flowing but her bangs are too short to completely disappear

Why do his eyes randomly turn red honestly

Goodbye thank god

[tsurugis]

i had my surgery last thursday!

he went ahead with a plan of putting me under and marking and prepping everything to do the thyroidectomy and full bilateral neck dissection, but first taking out the biggest lymph node and sending it to pathology. while they were doing that he took my whole thyroid out and based on those results he would either leave the neck dissection or continue. of course it came back malignant so he took fuckin eeeeverything out haha

woke up puking all over myself and having violent tremors and vaguely remember hearing a nurse trying to convince the other people waking up in that room that i wasn't fucking dying jfhfjgj

apparently I've had the most severe magnesium deficiency my surgeon has seen in over 30 years of practice lmaoooo and I've had it for a long time so i gotta figure out what thats all about and see a gi for probable absorption problems

my husband!!! is the sweetest!! most caring!! fucker ever!!!!!! really truly i love him so much he has supported me through this and everything so much it blows my mind anyone could ever love and care for me like this. and he has done such a consistent job of showing it that i don't panic and worry about him wanting to leave me for all this cancer crap and for the fact that now i look like a fucking toad with its head cut off and stapled back on lmaoooo

was in the hospital for two nights three days and not getting home until about midnight cause my iv spot lost its shit at the last minute and decided enough magnesium in the drip there halfway through my last bag it hurt like a biiiitch so we had to start a new iv but ultrasound guided because they had been drawing blood to test magnesium every four fucki g hours for the 2 nights and three days like even all night lolll and i was running out of good veins

anyways. got my drains out on monday which. were stuck as hell and they were really long and finally my surgeon had to come back in where the nurses were like wheh its stucck he just grabbed and braced himself and just jerked them out violently no hesitation on both sides i am so goddamn traumatized lolllllll holy shit it gave hard rip the skin borrowing parasite horror creature out of your throat before in goes deep vibes fukccckckkckc

staples out on the 28th and everything looks good just. huge ugly stapled ear to collar bone to ear line and worst of all the lymphedema happening under the chin and jaw is so bad still and may take 3 to 6 months to go down or it could just get. worse actually and i will probably struggle with it forever

gotta take hormone replacement every morning for the rest of my life. gotta get bloodwork done frequently for the rest of my life to monitor magnesium, calcium and vitamin d and the thyroid hormone

but i am so insanely relieved i had an incredible experienced and passionate surgeon did an impressively beautiful job avoiding damaging any of the important nerves and parathyroid glands etc so no major complications or even really minor ones as far as nerve stuff goes i am so so grateful. that could have gone way different but he did an awesome job and i also trust he more likely got it all, because pathology came back monday and the fucking cancer was all over both sides of my thyroid and in at least ten lymph nodes all over !!

i literally kept saying i hate being right when i was waking up from surgery cause i really had like just a knowing and sensing that was the case, so i was very prepared, even from the "oh honey most of these are benign don't worry about cancer" stage pfffff

so i do gotta also take the radioactive iodine pill and go through that drama to make sure we got everything but otherwise i feel the worst is probably over

[kiwistmnt]

Hey! I love your work and I was wondering If I could get a Bayverse match up, please?

Can you please write how my turtle and I met?? Please ? That's would be great.

My name is Gabriela, but my friends call me Gigi, Gabi and Raven. I'm 15 years old girl from Slovakia 🇸🇰, I'm Libra ♎, 5'9 ft tall and I am an ONLY child.

I have a Russian accent since childhood because I have ancestors from Russia. I speak Spanish and Russian perfectly and I curse in Russian a lot.

I have brown-green eyes, brown hair to my shoulders and slim figure 'cause I work out daily. I'm a bookworm. Literally I have a book in my hands 24/7.

I'm sassy, flirty, hothead, sarcastic, stubborn, impulsive and I start a lot of fights. I have really short temper and I love quarrels. I hate when someone is telling me what to do and I am introvert. I'm not afraid to slap or beat 6 ft tall people.

I'm shy, kind, sweet, smart, caring, loving, quiet, sensitive, empathetic, loyal, honest and I'm really good friend. I give people good advices when they need to and I am a good listener.

I have sleep issues. I can't sleep every night and I am awake all night sometimes. I always sleep max 2-4 hours. When I woke up, I'm not tired and I try to sleep at day but it's not working very well. When is day, I feel not good, I feel down and I'm not active but when sun sets, I feel free, amazing and I feel full of energy. That's why I go out at night every night.

Others call me: vampire, vampire girl or freak. Some people ask me if I'm afraid of light or sun and I'm so sad about that, because they don't know my big problem. They bullied me and they always laugh at me

I love to sing, dance, paint, draw and my BIGGEST passion is cooking. On September 1 I'm going to High school Hotel Academy.

I'm nerd. I love technique. My favorite is Hi-tech. I love to repair and invent things. I always help my family and friends when they need to. I love chem labs and I love library and museums. I love to sneak with my friend into the museum and pizzeria too.

I write songs and poetry. I love to sing in high notes like Ariana Grande and my friends told me that I have beautiful and powerful voice.

I play on accordion, piano, tamburine, harmonica, electric and acoustic guitar

I'm afraid of heights, spiders and rats. I'm afraid of heights, but I love to be on rooftops at night and play on my acoustic guitar and sing. I do this every night.

My grandfather died three years ago and it's so painful for me because we had a special relationship. I have a lots of break downs like I lean against wall crying, I go down until I touch the ground, sit down and crying because I random remebered him.

I wear mostly black or blue clothes. That's why I have nickname Raven, I love that nickname. I hate skirts and I always wear pants and T-shirts. I hate skirts and I always have mascara with some eyeshadow. I have always ring, bracelet and necklase. I love to wear choker.

That's everything. Thanks 💖😍. I can't wait to see my match.

I match you up with… Raphael!

You two will be either at each other’s throats or just making out in the corner. He loves your Russian accent and you love his Brooklyn accent. Honestly people especially bullies are afraid of you and Raph. You guys are the power couple whoever messes with one of you will get knocked out. Honestly thinks it’s hot when you fight back to him he just likes sassy girls! You talk Spanish too! OH HELL YEAH! Honestly Raph thinks he just met his soulmate this guy is in love love. Raph can relate to you of heights have you seen the Airplane scene man almost peed himself when he had to jump that height! Listens to you sing especially when he’s in a bad mood. Honestly you singing or just playing an instrument kinda calms him down and forgets why he’s mad. Thinks your voice is beautiful and would listen to it all day. Whenever you feel sad or upset when you think of your grandfather Raph is always there to calm you down with food/water, cuddles, etc. (I’m sorry for your loss) Raph doesn’t mind your aesthetic at all tbh he thinks it’s pretty sick and whoever talks crap about you will be getting a knuckle sandwich even if it’s one of his brothers or Casey/Vern. Loves your cooking so much and will eat anything you put on his plate! Hey food is food and if it’s pizza that’s a bonus! He loves you so much even if you guys fight or not he will always protect you and care about you.

[violentivy]

Late morning at a local beloved coffee house.

I come here biweekly at least to just kind of collect my thoughts into something that makes sense.

I've got basically 2 modes when it comes to change:

Don't you dare come near me! ANNNDD

Give it to me, ALL of it, Change everything!

I think it has something to do with whether or not I am controlling the changes that are occurring. If I at least have the illusion of control, that I am choosing this, that this new, scary, changey thing I'm doing is something I am doing to me, I'm usually ok.

If it is being thrust upon me, I have two choices: resist, or REALLY just lean in.

Partner person has a new job. He's had it for at least 6 weeks now, and they're at work when I'm not quite often. At first, I dreaded this. Once I realized that was my codependency rearing it's ugly head, I was cool.

This morning, it was a struggle. I woke later than normal. But, once I cleared out the cobwebs, took the allergy medicine I usually take at night but I forgot last night because *executive function is a pretty myth!*

Anything that appears to be executive function is just a ✨✨sparkling trauma response✨✨and trained coping mechanisms. At least for me.

And I'm lucky, at least that's a pretty lie I tell myself often. My parents knew the work arounds. They dealt with their very weird brains in a very normal world. My parents were not awful, but they weren't as good as they could have been of course. None of us were. None of us are .

This week, I've been letting go of the idea of perfection.

I feel like I try SO hard, I feel like I have to work so much harder just to fucking FUNCTION. I never could identify why I always felt like I'd come into various conversations in the middle, where I missed some important context.

Meanwhile I've had this diagnosis literally my whole life. It's so frustrating to hear people say "oh, yeah I do that too I must be Dyspraxic."

Like, maybe? At the same time it's refreshing to see others who have had the exact same life experiences I have and finally having a goddamn explanation. Like, how many Dyspraxic people got a UTI so bad that they nearly lost a kidney?

It's gratifying in some way to have a reason for low key sucking at everything.

But, when I tell you the realization that I hadn't outgrown it took my damn breath, especially after years of being told there's "nothing wrong with you, stop being dramatic."

Hey everyone!

I wasn't being dramatic, I literally am THAT bad at "insert task here"

It takes me longer to do shit. But I do it passably.

Sometimes even well.

I am Dyspraxic, but I was in 2 fucking ART shows. Take that! I suck but I'm STILL better than you. 🤣

Maybe I should enter something in the Burners without Borders show again this year.

I suppose I'd have to pull out my paints again...

All of my kids are very artistic, too. But, unlike their old lady, they're good at it. They'll never know how badly I struggled as a kid, as a teen, as a young adult. They'll never see me have to rub my hands because they are sore from drawing, or writing, or painting.

They never knew anything was wrong, they just knew Mom could paint an awesome slime if she took her time. What they didn't see was every failed attempt I had from kindergarten through high school in art class, in writing...

I wasn't supposed to graduate college and I fucking did that shit, too.

Because I'm stubborn. I never gave up.

Everything comes out in the wash.

In the meantime, the work can set me free.

[souscramble]

obsidian looks so tempting but im really intimidated to use it ... i noticed that it's not like Google docs where i can just send the link to someone and they can read it either. id need to publish it i guess and that's a specific service...

venting ahoy 🥶

it's 5:47am as i type so it makes sense that im tired but i can't help but feel unmotivated to write about my ocs... i just really idk . i know you're supposed to do art and shit for yourself but im not that fucking enlightened... if nobody is going to pay attention to it i won't do it, shrimple as that...

i could probably draw other things to practice my art skills right? but the only thing i NEED to draw are reference sheets for ocs.

i NEED to design a stuffed animal type character so i can commission these people if they open commissions. but i don't have a Sense of self so it's impossible for me to Even be satisfied with anything i draw. if i end up owning this thing irl how much will i care about it? because ive done this before without a proper ref and paid the price... i don't hate him but i don't love him either. pressured myself for paying 300 for a 20cm still from an artist i never even heard of nor did i like them or their style

i NEED to draw Rodney so i can finally have a reference for one of my ocs. he has a full backstory, side characters, relationships, and id like to talk about him, but only a small group of people actually know him bc i had a horse to represent him on ponytown and i actually roleplayed with him. my friends have a sense of his character. i can't talk about him with anyone else bc nobody would ever read a Google doc on a mf they can't see, but how ridiculous is it to put a horse up. i did that on my last doc in an attempt to do it for me and nobody else but let's be real it doesn't matter how much of a friend you are im sure it's embarrassing and cringe so i won't be sharing that doc again sorry for wasting your time, and my own time! he needs a proper ref but i can't draw his hair. i don't want him to have bangs but i jmgffhckydkfullufdul can't draw hair with no bangs. everyone i draw is too cute anyway. nobody would ever care if he was just in a cute silly style like i usually do for everything.. nobody would think he's a complex character. just a really lame design i should sell on DA

these are the only things i need to draw and everything else feels like a waste of time. i don't have time to practice to learn and change my style but even when i do have the time i just feel so fucking exhausted i don't want to live anymore like. just being anywhere is exhausting bc im always expected to clean up after others and it feels like nobody gets me... id really love to live alone if i could afford it but everywhere around here would probably suck even though i don't want to leave this neighborhood p

im just so tired maybe it's because i just woke up it's 6:05 i just want to be someone else if i were if o if i looked better id be more confident if i was more interesting and had better struggles growing up then id be interesting and have character and personality besides won't attention seeker. can't believe i got 0% histrionic on that test like no i need people. iv love my friends but i need strangers who don't even know who i am to admire me. i need supporters and fans that I'll never talk to i need to not be just a random person standing at a bus stop i need people to think im attractive and interesting and they want to get to know me and then they do and find out im talented and smart and interesting, not weird, introverted, and ugly, and yet i can't shut up about things nobody cares about. if i were handsome or cute im sure they would care about whatever bullshit i have to say. ugh

it's not fair why can't everyone just be beautiful and happy why do there have to be unattractive people in the world what the hell did we do to you why do we need to learn to love ourselves this literally sucks and it's detrimental to my health i wish i could go change my appearance and start my life over. would be fun to compare

[todayisawthewhxlewxrld]

Please I'm dying. I've been having Axel withdrawals 💔💔 But fr, I ended up staying with my family for a while and I JUST got home. My sleep schedule is FUCKED now, I spent all night on Christmas Eve painting this photo for my aunts boyfriend. I literally went to bed at 6 am, and its only been getting worse. I went to bed at 9 AM TODAY, LITERALLY WOKE UP AT 6 PM. I stayed caught up with Spellbound, thank goodness. It was the only thing keeping me sane at night. I'm like praying that I'll be put out of my misery, either literally or just actually sleep tonight. Though I did have a ton of fun with my grandma, and aunt. I could have done without my brother, but yk.. Beggars can't be choosers.

ALSO?? I GOT ED HARDY PERFUME?? I haven't had it in YEARS, but it spells just as good as I remember. I LOOOVVEE it omg, I'm genuinely so glad that I got it. It's fr the good stuff <33

Also, have you ever LOVED a character, but then come across something that made you cringe so hard over them you lost interest? Well, I've come across a umm... Interesting fic of Choso, and I JUST ABOUT LOST IT. I started grieving and started drawing him again, watching scenes of him, yk.. To gain my interest back, and I am PROUD TO SAY, the brain rot is back. But seriously.. Why would you make an... Incest... Fic of a character...? Pardon my language, but it made me physically fucking recoil. I was genuinely disgusted, it involved up.. Non consensual stuff too. I just can't..?? Had to sit and remind myself that it isn't canon 😭

GLAD TO BE BACK HERE, GLAD TO BE BACK HOME. MISSED THESE ANON ASKS

xoxo 👽 (I'm still scarred over the fic, I don't want to go explore the internet of Choso stuff anymore. I'd rather stick with creators I trust 😃)

ur sleep schedule progressively gets worse each ask u send in it’s crazy but so does mine dw ^_^ actually i think i might’ve just fixed it again who knows maybe i’m lying !

RIP UR SLEEP SCHEDULE BUT IM GLAD U AT LEAST HAD FUN WITH UR FAMILY 🫡 AND OMG ED HARDY PERFUME??? SLAYYYYYY

hm yes see i try not to yuck someone’s yum bc i of all people should not be talking but… i mean like… what’s even the appeal… and i fear… many… fics on tumblr… have that… but whatever i just keep scrolling they can live their life and i will live mine… 🐺

GLAD U R BACK!

[letrashbag]

I woke up at like 5:30-6 this morning and then I spent 2 hours cleaning my whole house, which is so therapeutic I cannot even, but now its like 10 o'clock and I have nothing to do.

Anybody else ever get that feeling of something just like itching in your skin so you have to do something, but the second you try doing anything it just gets so much worse. I am barely holding it together right now, actively typing this.

I can't watch youtube videos (short dumb videos aren't engaging enough and long serious videos are too engaging), I can't listen to a podcast (I need something to do physically with my body and the thought of listening to something while doing something else sounds like actual torture right now), I can't draw (I need to be listening to something and again the idea of having more than one thing take my attention sounds miserable), doom scrolling is out (I already reached my end point for tumblr and going down any other rabbit holes will only last a couple of minutes before I'll reach the point of wanting to tear my hair out), there's nothing I can clean or organize that will take enough effort to engage me but still be quick enough that I'll feel a sense of accomplishment for, I can't read an online comic because the words are so small and my eyes hurt, I can't read my webtoons because it's been a while since I've read anything and the idea of having to catch up sounds exhausting, any shows or movies I could watch are either too new and would take emotional effort to get invested in or are too familiar and won't be stimulating enough.

Basically I'm gonna die.

There are literally a million things I could be doing, and the idea of doing any of them sounds absolutely miserable. But I'm barely staving off the rising pressure by typing this out and I know the second I stop it'll creep up and I'll die.

Maybe I could go running? Except then I'd have to change clothes and my exercise clothes are disgusting. I can't do laundry cause my family's dryer is broken, so I can't wash my clothes yet. I also can't wash my towel so I can't take a shower.

Ugh, my hair is so disgusting right now. I have it all tied up in a weird way so that I don't rip it out of my scalp. I can't wait until I can shave my head, then I won't have to worry about this.

So I can't do my self care activities, and I can't accomplish a task that is very important to my everyday functions, and that's breaking me brain.

Noted.

Maybe when I rant like this I'll figure out what makes me feel this way.

I'm so tired, I want to take a nap, but I know I won't be able to fall asleep. I want to clean some more, but there isn't anything for me to do really. Especially since I have family members out and about getting in the way. UUUUUUUUuuuuuuuuuuugggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

It's fine.

I'm fine.

I'm doing great.

I'm losing my mind.

Maybe I should write poetry? I haven't done that in a while. But it sounds too involved. I already drew a bunch of angsty stuff after the fight with my mom. We're both just ignoring it by the way. I'm avoiding her as much as I can without making it obvious, and neither of us are addressing it. I only have one more week and then I'm gone. I'm so excited to leave.

Okay, I think this is it.

My brain is giving up on me.

I knew this wouldn't last forever, but it lasted for a bit, and for that I am grateful.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Okay, I'm done.

[eatslaypray]

Rachel -> Oliver's lucky day

Prompt: "2 week notice"

For CRWR 213! FICTION!

You guys have been missing by content, I know, I know but I have been busy as something truly life changing has happened to me within the last week.

I can finally sit down and provide by little #jollyolliefanclub with a very exciting life update!  On January 2nd 2023 I woke up and routinely said “this could be the day.” The day for what you may ask? Honestly, the “day” could consist of anything, as long as it's not like every day I have lived. I do really appreciate my jollyolliefanclub and my fame but I wanted something more.  For those who do not know, my name is Oliver and I am 54 ½ years old and I earn $15.65 hourly at London Drugs. On a daily basis I deal with cranky old people, obnoxious babies, teenagers, and my favourite… Kleptomaniacs. I hate every single person who walks through those greasy automatic doors. Well unfortunately at 6:30 am it was time for me to leave my mother’s basement and walk through those greasy gates of hell and start my long shift. Day started off like every other sub par day, stocking shelves, scaring babies, and chasing after teenage kleptomaniacs, which are considerably worse than adult kleptomaniacs. It was lunch time, and I got 25 minutes off and absolutely annihilated my Big Mac, and beat my last record of one minute. In order to wisely use up the remaining 24 minutes and 30 seconds, I fantasize about publicly embarrassing my manager and exposing that he has been cheating on his wife with a teenager for the past year. Mom always says “he cannot be that bad!” I just tune mom out when she gets like that. She’s been retired for decades and has Alzheimers she doesn't remember working. Within the last ten minutes of my break I ran to my local gas station and saw Lotto 649’s draw of thirty million dollars. Decided to buy one knowing the odds were not in my favor, but again today could be the “day” I had thought. I looked at the seven numbers on my ticket and looked up and saw the winning numbers were on my ticket. Embarrassingly shrieked like a little prepubescent boy but can you blame me? Called mom and she got so excited I heard her dentures hit the tile floor. I distinctly remember my first words I said to my mom on the phone, “mom! I can finally give my two week notice to my asshole manager!” Since then I decided to invest a large portion of my winnings and buy my mom veneers, so I don’t have to get hit in the face with slimy dentures.  Giving my two week notice of quitting was quite literally the best day of my life. What am I doing now? Living the best life I could live and volunteering a couple days a week at an animal shelter. Oh and sending hate mail to my old manager Gary. 

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