#I made this like 4-5 months ago and wanted to post this immediately but my sociophobia had other plans

[helldenizen]

Fanart of @sporesgalaxy ‘s OC Addison King. I just think that this pathetic man is neat. And snakes are cool too.

[bad268]

Burn

Aftermath Affair Pt. 4

(Oscar Pisatri X Reader + Ex! Lando Norris X Reader)

Fandom: RPF/Formula 1

Requested: Nope, happy 5 years!

Warnings: Airing dirty laundry lol, that's about it. Based on the song from Hamilton (not Lewis)

POV: Second Person (You/your/They/them)

W.C. 1710

Chapter Summary: Y/n L/n posted a new video, and everyone's hearts stop.

As always, my requests are OPEN

MASTERLIST // HITLIST

<-Part 3

~~(^Both from Pinterest)

You moved in with Oscar that night. All you took were your clothes. Everything that Lando bought you now burned you, and you couldn’t give a fuck less about what he bought you. You wanted nothing to do with anything related to Lando. He reached out once, asking where you were. All you said was, “Ask Ava.” He understood then. At least, you assumed he did because you blocked his number and every social media account he had before he could respond. 

You heard from Oscar that Lando was a wreck. You laughed it off because he did this to himself.

Your subscribers noticed the change. Your personal channel content changed from video games to vlogs. You were going out and doing things, in London they learned, and they loved to see it. You still played games, but fewer racing games and more random games you always wanted to play. Your subscribers also noticed how happy you were. They were convinced you and Lando got engaged.

Little did they know, you were falling for a different man.

Your subscribers were thrown for a loop when your shared channel with Lando was deleted. You decided it was time to delete it. They bombarded your socials almost immediately, asking what’s going on. They tried to see if it was rebranded or saved anywhere, but it seemed like your entire relationship was ripped from the internet. Your Instagram was void of Lando, your channel no longer had videos with him, and you didn’t follow him anywhere anymore. They didn’t even notice until then.

~

Y/n L/n just posted!

“A Letter to Lando”

“By now, you will have all seen that the shared channel is gone,” You opened the video. You were sitting in your new recording room. It was more open than your last one, more bright. You had a large window that brought in a lot of natural light, and it was more your style. The last one was just Lando’s recording room that you borrowed, so you couldn’t change it. When you moved in, Oscar told you to make this space yours in any way you wanted. It took a while, but you felt at home for once. “I deleted our shared channel because I am erasing myself from this narrative.“

“I’ve filmed this video at least three times at this point,” You took a breath as you felt tears well up in your eyes again. It’s hard to talk about what happened. Not only the way in which you found out about the cheating but also how you reacted. It was one of the darkest times in your life, and it took a lot to come back from. “I’m sorry, but it’s been a struggle trying to find the words to share this. As many of you have seen on Lando’s Instagram, Lando and I are no longer together.”

Oscar still had to follow Lando on Instagram for team purposes, and that’s how you saw that he posted a hard launch with Ava. 

You still did not know how you wanted to tell everyone what happened. You looked off at the wall. Your viewers couldn’t see it, but there was a picture of you and Oscar from a few months ago. You went out to celebrate 1.5 million subscribers. Oscar insisted, saying it was a huge milestone, and you didn’t want to make it a big deal. He insisted and dragged you out of the apartment. The picture was taken right after you accidentally knocked ice cream onto his nose. Lando wouldn’t even celebrate 1 million with you. Remembering the happiness with Oscar made you smile.

“Clearly, we’re not together anymore,” You sighed as your smile faded. “I’m not going into details, but I hope they’re happy. My friends always said he would do what it took to survive, and they were right. I was blinded by his words and his actions. That’s on me.”

“You talked about how long you have been in love with her, and how you didn’t believe in true love until you met each other,” You let out a breath as you thought of your next words carefully. “You told the world how you brought this girl into our bed, and in explaining your love story, you have ruined our lives. Do you know what my friends said? They called you an Icarus! That’s how my friends reacted, so I’ve decided that I’ll let you wonder how I reacted when you broke my heart, when you tore us apart.”

“I kept every letter you ever wrote to me,” You chuckled lightly as you pulled out a few pieces of paper. “The letter you first asked me out with because you were too scared to ask me face to face, the letter you wrote when we hit each milestone, random letters where you just professed your love, and letters that I would have cherished forever. I also kept the letter I wrote to you when I found out. I thought about reading a few lines out,” You insinuated by opening one of the letters before pulling out a lighter. You had already opened the window and had a bucket of water by your feet, and Oscar was standing outside with a fire extinguisher just in case. You chuckled lightly as you skimmed the loving words that had now turned sour in your eyes. At that moment, you decided you wanted to watch it burn. “I’ll let you all wonder how I reacted when he broke my heart.”

Your soft smile as you read slowly turned to a scowl before you lit the corner of the paper and looked directly into the camera. “Lando, you don’t deserve to see how I reacted. You don’t deserve anything from me. The world has no place in our bed, and they don’t get to know what I said. I am burning the memories, the letters that might have redeemed you. Lando, you can sleep in your office with only the memories of when you were mine.”

You lit all of Lando’s letters one by one before dropping them in the bucket once they were destroyed. Then you grabbed your letter to Lando. You skimmed through the multiple pages of it, remembering the feelings before lighting the corner. “You didn’t give me the decency to tell me yourself. I had to learn of your affair from your friend, so you forfeit the rights to my heart. You forfeit the place in our bed. I hope you’re happy with yourself, Lando.”

You threw the last letter into the bucket and gazed at the camera. Finally, you felt at peace.

“One last note to Lando Norris,” You paused, allowing a small smile to envelop your features, “I hope you burn.”

~

The reactions were almost instant. You sat on the couch curled up against Oscar’s body, rewatching Sex Education. It was one of your favorite shows, but Lando hated it, so you never got to watch it. Oscar binged it once, so he was always down to rewatch it with you. You heard your phone going off, so you pulled it out of your pocket to check it. However, Oscar immediately took it out of your hand and powered it off. 

“Hey, what’s that for?” You chuckled as he moved your phone away from you. “I was gonna check that.”

“Shhh, the show is playing,” He whispered as he leaned toward your ear before turning his attention back to the show. 

“You’re insufferable,” You laughed as you turned your attention back to the screen. It didn’t hold your attention long as you looked back over to Oscar. You were leaning against his chest with your arms wrapped around his waist, so you were looking up at him. He had an arm around your shoulder while the other rested against your thigh that was lying over his lap. You got lost in your thoughts.

Oscar was everything to you. You felt more free whenever you were with him. At first, he gave you the space to refind yourself. He even supported you throughout the journey. Any game you wanted, he bought. Any new hobby, he tried it with you, so you wouldn’t feel alone. He never pushed you to do anything, but he did support you in everything you wanted to try. 

You never felt this supported with Lando. Looking back, he was toxic. He only wanted to play racing games or stupid games. You wanted to try other things, and he would be condescending. He always pushed you to fit the cookie cutter mold that other racing drivers’ girlfriends fit, but that was never going to be you. Oscar encouraged the change because staying in the same thing for too long can burn you out. It was true.

At some point of your staring, Oscar looked down at you with a smile. It wasn’t until he left a kiss on your forehead that you noticed.

When you first moved in, Oscar was very respectful in giving you your space to heal. He made sure to give you multiple spaces where you could retreat to including your own room and recording room. As the time moved on, you slowly migrated into his room for movie nights and late-night binges, and it eventually became you two staying in the same bed all night. Oscar never pushed you away. He wanted you to know that he was there for you whenever you were ready, and he was willing to wait as long as he needed for you. 

“Penny for your thoughts,” He said with a quiet tone, not wanting to disturb the peace.

“I think I’m ready,” You replied in the same tone. You moved to sit up a little more before grabbing Oscar’s hand, “I’m ready to give us a chance.”

“Really?” Oscar asked as he started getting excited before calming back down, “Wait, I don’t want to rush you if you aren’t ready.”

“That’s exactly why I’m ready,” You laughed as you leaned back into him. “You gave me the space to become comfortable again. Oscar, I don’t think I’ve ever felt this comfortable and free with someone in my life! You have been everything but pushy, and I’m ready to try us.”

~~~ Part 5 ->

~

Tags- @barcelonaloverf1life

~~~~~

© BAD268 2024. DO NOT REPOST WITHOUT PERMISSION.

[444m777]

15 years ago today…

I was roughly three months fresh of turning 17 years old. I felt indifferent about that number and sort of wished I could stay 16 a little longer but I knew I was getting closer to being considered an “adult” and in that case it was exciting because I would be moving abroad and living on my own once I graduated from high school. There was nothing really special about that day. I was home alone after school. Took off my shoes and just did what any regular-degular teenager would do, watch TV.

Aside from plotting how I’d ever make it to London without ever traveling that far before I figured one could dream like I always did. Like I had to because I had the kind of parents who did not like the fact that I was (still am) a Michael Jackson fan. They saw it as an obsession and basically it got to a point where I was “banned” from mentioning his name, listening to his music even though I didn’t own any CDs at the time. The only thing I had growing up as a little girl was the Moonwalker VHS tape and I almost destroyed it because I watched it a billion times for years. My parents would always make sure we had a movie night and as soon as they asked for suggestions everyone would butt in before I could get a word out, “WE ARE NOT WATCHING MOONWALKER! Anything but that!”. As a little girl that shit tore me apart.

My parents introduced me to the world of magic that is MJ. They showed me Thriller. And I innocently referred to the female ghoulish monsters as my grandmother (oops…🤪) everyone burst out in laughter. It was cute I was maybe 3-4 years old at the time. But when I turned 5 I was allowed to watch the whole Moonwalker movie and my own mother told me she regrets getting it and showing it to me. I was maybe 9-10 years old when she said that to me out of anger. She read my diaries at the time and saw all the newspaper clippings I had of Michael because they just wouldn’t let me buy any merch/CDs. And in it I wrote how I felt about him and how I wanted to be with him at Neverland Ranch. Mind you this was also the time where it was super uncool to be an MJ fan. Like, you’d get DISOWNED from your friend group, family etc. it was THAT bad. Coming from a Black Caribbean background. I virtually had no one to talk to about Michael. Hence, the diaries.

I, in some way, related to how lonely he felt. In my innocent child’s mind I just felt really close to him and I felt he would understand me better than my own immediate family would. Anyways, I CLINGED to my Moonwalker VHS tape until I somehow broke it from watching it a trillion times too much😅. My world SHATTERED. It was the only MJ thing I had before I got the newspaper clippings because of the allegations. Whenever we went to a music store or an airport that had a music store I wasn’t allowed in the section that had Michael’s music. I’d get dragged away. It was ROUGH for little fangirl me😕 I don’t know how I survived it. And I’m not even trying to sound dramatic but I was a sensitive, PAINFULLY shy, introverted and moved to tears EASILY kinda girl. I had (and still have) very BIG feelings and I had no one to help me navigate them. Maybe I’ll make another post about my journey as an MJ fan on a super tiny island and how I “made it work” but really I want to focus on how as a teenager I found out he passed.

Flipping through channels I came across a news channel that claimed he died. I immediately took it as a hoax and switched to another news channel and they didn’t report anything. So I remember pausing the TV (we had DVR at the time) and went upstairs to shower. I kept telling myself this was all a sick joke. I came back downstairs and pressed play and forwarded to real time and they said he really did die. So I did the one thing I thought was smart and decided that if CNN didn’t report he died then he didn’t and everybody from the smaller news channels were in on some terrible lie to generate views because of his concerts coming up in London. But I finally switched to CNN and it was written so boldly on the screen I wasn’t even sitting but something told me to sit because my body felt weak and I plopped down on the couch. It took a while to register and then I was hysterical. Home alone yet living with people who banned me from talking about him and getting caught listening to his music or writing about him. I had a secret stash of MJ related things. I had a friend who took her mother’s Dangerous cassette tape and borrowed it to me to listen. My sister’s best friend’s dad had the History Album and she gave it to my sister to give it to me. That’s honestly the one thing my sister did for me that felt super profound. Because she was also told not to fuel my “obsession”. She didn’t care for MJ but she wasn’t mean about it either. But we both lived under our parents’ house and rules and as a Black girl with Black Caribbean parents… let’s just say you don’t question or go behind their back if you know what’s good for you. Once just ONCE my dad let me buy the Dangerous dvd. We were at the airport and he was hesitant. I remember it like it was yesterday… “you KNOW your mother doesn’t want you getting anything MJ related! I’m not letting you buy this”. But at the last minute he still let me get it and he said “it’s just the music videos I suppose this is fine…” oh, how it was not. That got taken away too. So you see I had to hide whatever anyone could spare. I was not even allowed to read the newspaper at one point because my mother found I would cut out pictures of him. THE NEWSPAPER Y’ALL!!! If I needed the newspaper for school work I’d get it with pages removed. Or my mom would pull out the pages I needed.

Back to being a total mess on the couch… my parents came home and I wiped my face and tears. I remember opening the door. I figured I’m older now. He passed away. It should be okay to at least say something about it. I remember opening the door and I could barely get the words out. I said “did you hear the news about Michael?” And she responded “yeah… jammer”. I come from a Caribbean island that’s been colonized by the Dutch so we use Dutch words in our creole language, Papiamento. But the way she said jammer (what a shame) was in such a nonchalant I-don’t-really-care way. Her tone was evident. I almost slammed the door shut in her face but I let her hold the door and I ran upstairs and was hysterical again.

I remember my father coming up to check on me but he stood in the door way. I was just curled up in bed crying and he left me there. Both of them left me there. I was a mess for DAYS. WEEKS. I became depressed. And again, I had no one to help me navigate these very BIG feelings. And it pained me. I didn’t have friends who were MJ fans. So I couldn’t talk to them. All I heard at school was “good riddance” or worse. As an adult I realized I just wanted someone to sit with me. Hold space for me. No one helped me through it during 2003 to the 2005 trials. No one helped me through it in 2009. I had to do it on my own and it SUCKED! You’re either met with “but you never met the man!” or “he was XYZ anyways so why does it matter, he’s dead!”. I was a CHILD! No one thought “damn… this is having a huge effect on our highly sensitive daughter and she’s clearly depressed. At the very least let’s hold space for her” NOPE! I learned very young to keep secrets. To never share myself like that with people in fear of being ridiculed. I hid myself, my passions and my thoughts. Despite growing up and excelling in anything that had to do with art (because I wanted to be like Mike lol). I kept it a secret. My grades showed it but anything else I kept it from my family. My friends kinda knew but they didn’t know what or WHO the driving force was. Where the inspiration came from. I always had to come up with some other story or muse. I wouldn’t dare mention Michael in fear my mother would appear out of nowhere and would “discipline me” for saying his name. He was my real life Voldemort and in my tiny kid brain I had to defend him in my mind because there was no way I could go up against anyone else let alone adults. My family but mostly my mother really did a number on me…

I’m writing this to say that what my family did and how the world negatively responded left a stain on my soul. Turned me from introvert and shy to soooo painfully shy I didn’t want to leave my room. Didn’t want to express myself in fear of being asked where the inspiration came from. Ironically as an adult my parents have been asking me why I’m not being creative and for a very long time I wish I could tell them it’s because they snuffed that part me, ever since I was a child, out! They couldn’t nurture that side of me and chose to see my devotion as blind obsession.

But this year and even more so today I had a huge breakdown earlier in the year and I realized I wanted to express myself and my thoughts more and speak freely about Mike. Mind you, I moved out at 18 and lived and studied in The Netherlands, Indonesia and Thailand. Still I kept that part of me which was and is a HUGE part of me, a secret. I brought it up once with a guy I had a date with and like I said, BIG feelings kinda gal, I broke down crying talking to him about Michael. And I apologized profusely and figured he’d never want to see me again. And yet he held me and comforted me. He did the one thing I craved the people who loved me should have done when I was a child. I swore on that day I’d marry that man. I did not… yet. We’re still together 7 years later and today too and every day since he has held space for me. Allowed me to be the fan I always wished I could’ve been even if it was in private with him. He lets me talk about anything MJ like he’s a fan himself (he is not but he has an immense amount of respect for Michael). And he’s always encouraged me to reach out to the MJ community but like I said the trauma, and again, not trying to be dramatic but to be told as a kid up until I left the house that I can’t talk, listen, watch nor dance to Michael was like being told I wasn’t allowed to eat, was DEEP and it made me associate expressing myself as a bad thing, a dirty thing. Because liking Michael was seen as gross. So I never engaged online for fear of my mother somehow finding me on the internet. Yeah… it was that bad😖

But it wasn’t all bad. And I’d like to share more about that in the future😌. I’m done feeling like my mother or anyone else for that matter has a say in how I feel and how I choose to express my love for Michael. That man pulled me through so many things throughout my life. I know this is a very heavy and sad day. It’s really tough for some to see the bright side. Because Michael being alive was the bright side. Even if he chose never to show his face again in public but to just know he was alive, safe and in good health probably would’ve been more than enough for fans to handle than knowing he’s truly gone. Unfortunately, that’s not the case and his life ended tragically.

I still choose to use this day as a reminder to myself of his tireless yet bright FIRE that he had and how he went against the grains of racism and ignorance, and striving to innovate, to push the envelope and go beyond. The sky was never the limit. I, too, want to use that energy and look past my upbringing and connect with other likeminded fans/people and truly engage the way I wish I would’ve years ago after leaving home. No more hiding. No more shaming myself and most certainly no more apologizing for speaking about Michael. I’m doing myself a disservice and I want to honor his memory by keeping on with the force! 🕺🏾

I love you so much Michael and I miss you like crazy and I’m so grateful for your presence and your passion for sharing your gift and life’s work with us. I feel you in the air and especially in the trees and in the animals. You solidified my belief in magic and wonder. I am so damn happy I am breaking free from these chains and really celebrating you OUT IN THE OPEN WHOLEHEARTEDLY. To the fans out there struggling I have you in my thoughts. And if you ever, EVER need someone to talk to because it’s difficult to talk to anyone else out there, you got me. I don’t ever want any of the fans to feel isolated and stuck. Especially the younger fans. You are the generation who will continue to keep Michael’s legacy going. Not only that you are the future in general and young kids/people need to be protected, loved and guided. Not the opposite and especially not made to feel like your feelings are invalid. Your mental health is so important even when you’re a fan of someone whom you’ve never met. And it is equally important to talk freely and openly in a safe space without being made to feel like you’re a criminal.

Anyways… if you read up until here, wow, thanks! Sending you all lots of love, hugs and heehees💫

[mrszeoxin]

A Date with Death

This is a game I found on TikTok through the developer of the game. I was very intrigued because it has a fully customizable MC both physically and with names and pronouns which I thought was really cool. You can also customize MCs room, and the game is free to play! There were also some other fun aspects about the game they posted on TikTok that really interested me. Of course I originally saw videos about the game months ago before it came out, but luckily I did see the post from the developer when it came out a few days ago and I couldn’t wait to play.

About the Boy

In this game you romance a grim reaper who’s after you (technically your soul, but still). And although he is smart, confident, and a literal vessel for death, he is also absolutely adorable! He’s not very knowledgeable about humans, can be easily flustered, and is super fun to tease!

Truly such a cutie!

So he’s a classic long while hair, red eyes anime boy and we love to see it. It’s not my ideal type, but he is in fact adorable, and has a great outfit so I can’t complain. I love how many facial expressions they give him, often I feel like visual novels don’t change them enough so it was really refreshing to see.

I really liked his character! He really is babygirl.

First Run

My first try I went in and tried to only do the non-DLC responses (I bought the DLC so I had some extra options) since I wanted to see what the free versions were like. It was soooo fun!!! I was kicking my feet and giggling so much! I got Ending 3 my first time for reference. I don’t want to spoil too much, but oml it’s such a fun and cute game! You should definitely check it out especially because it is free, so what is there to loose!

Definitely super fun if you enjoy sarcasm, witty banter, teasing, and being a bit of a brat. I loved it so much! It took me about 4 hours to play it once through.

Second Run

This time I used the DLC choices, and it was super fun. It just adds more fun ways to tease him in addition to an extra ending which I got (Ending 4).

Very fun! I recommend getting it if you can afford it and want to support the developers! But also I think you can have a lot of fun just playing the free endings too.

Third Run

I originally planned on playing for a third time after posting my thoughts on here, but I was so excited that I caved and played again immediately because after looking at the achievements I realized my first time playing I was right between two endings, so I had to get Ending 5. So I played using my first run answers, changed a one on day 6 and got Ending 5! It was so cute! I love this game!!!

Overall Thoughts

I loved this game. It’s pretty fast for a dating sim/visual novel, but the pacing is really good. It has 17 achievements for you to unlock, and 5 possible endings(?). So far I’ve done 3 endings, and 14 achievements. I definitely would play it again sometime! The only endings I didn’t do are the mini bad ending (no CG), and the real bad end (CG), because I don’t like playing bad endings. These two ending would give you another two achievements, and the last achievement is also easy to get but it made me sad so I didn’t. I know I’m being pretty vague, because I like to avoid spoilers, but especially because this game literally came out like 4 days ago I really want to keep what happens a surprise.

But it was so fun. It really feels like your choices matter because things you say affect things you can or can’t say later, it’s way more dynamic than any other otome game. I really loved that about the game, because it really feels like you’re there and what you say and do matter.

It’s literally free to play on Steam and I really can’t recommend it enough! Especially if you like cute flustered guys and lots of flirting and teasing you will for sure love this game! I loved it so much and genuinely it made me laugh and smile so much!

[andorerso]

Answer the Questions and Tag 5 Fanfic Authors

thanks for the tag @mosylufanfic <3

1. How did you get into writing fanfiction?

I started reading fanfiction when I was very young, maybe 10-11? and it pretty much immediately made me want to write my own stories. early attempts were... unsuccessful, but I always had a lot of ideas and I just wanted to get them out there... so I did

2. How many fandoms have you written in?

in reverse chronological order: Rogue One/Andor, GoT/ASOIAF, She-Ra, Grisha-verse/Nikolai Series, The Raven Cycle, American Horror Story, Reign, Pretty Little Liars, The Vampire Diaries, Supernatural, Twilight

and some I have never published but did write for: The Witcher, Dishonored, Magnificent Century: Kösem

so that's 14 fandoms total

3. How many years have you been writing fanfiction?

well, my first attempt was at 14 but I pretty much immediately abandoned that story after posting. I tried again at 16 and have been writing pretty consistently ever since. so it's been more than ten years, almost fifteen

4. Do you read or write more fanfiction?

lately I'm writing more than I'm reading, however in general over the years, it's definitely read. I've consumed so many!

5. What is one way you’ve improved as a writer?

I think my action has gotten better recently? it's still far from my strength but being forced to write some action scenes in recent stories definitely improved that area... who would have thought?

6. What’s the weirdest topic you researched for a writing project?

I've researched many weird stuff over the years but idk, I'm blanking on specifics

7. What’s your favorite type of comment to receive on your work?

I love it when people yell and curse at me <33

8. What’s the most fringe trope/topic you write about?

idk if I've ever written something truly fringe... actually maybe the dildo fic?

9. What is the hardest type of story for you to write?

smut! which is funny because I've spent the last month writing nothing but that. but smut is hardddddd

10. What is the easiest type?

I'm seconding modern AUs, that's my comfort genre, and I'm also very well-versed in anything paranormal

11. Where do you do your writing? What platform? When?

I switched from Word to Scrivener a few years ago, and I haven't looked back. Word would probably still work, but Scrivener is just very convenient, I can have all the things in one place, and it makes things so easy

12. What is something you’ve been too nervous/intimidated to write, but would love to write one day?

well, sex pollen belonged to this category, but I've just gotten over that! other than that, I've been going back and forth about this apocalypse/zombie exes to lovers longfic for months now, because it's intimidating as hell for many reasons, and it would be a lot of work which I may not have the time for currently, but there's so many parts of it that I love and want to write. mainly this very specific scene that will not leave my brain, but absolutely would not work without the proper background and build-up.... sigh

13. What made you choose your username?

here or on ao3? on ao3, it's wintersend (winter's end) and like. I can't even remember why I picked it. it's so random, I've never used it before and never since. I think it may have had something to do with the fact that I'm a winter child, and I was also into GoT at the time... I genuinely don't know

and here.... hmmm idk if I should tell you guys.... it's very niche, you wouldn't get it

tagging @frostbitepandaaaaa @quarantineddreamer @fulcrumstardust @flythesail @luciechat

[ofliterarynature]

MARCH 2024 WRAP UP

[loved liked ok nope dnf (reread) bookclub*]

Supernova • The Last Unicorn • Cahokia Jazz • (Heartstopper Vol 1)* • The Hero of Ages • Godkiller • Humanly Possible • Traveller’s Joy • The Well of Ascension • Babel-17 • The Final Empire • Loot • The Death I Gave Him

Finished: 11 books (9 audio, 1 print, 1 ebook)

Not many books this month but by god I read THREE Brandson Sandersons, so -

I guess I may as well start with Sanderson while we're here. I promised a mutual years ago (who's sadly left tumblr) that I would read Mistborn and it's probably been at least half a decade but I did it Lourdes! I've read a few one-off Sandersons before, but nothing I fell in love with. The Final Empire definitely had some issues, some things felt a little off, but overall I think I liked it! Except those things did not then improve in the next two books, and by book 3 I was dragging and solidly decided that I wouldn't continue past the original trilogy. I was so mad at that ending y'all, and if the mixed vibes from the copy for the next books wasn't enough that definitely sealed the deal lmao. Happy for the people who like him but it's not really my vibe. (but god, did it remind me how much I love big, grand, epic fantasies. I really need to find a good one). 3 stars

Babel-17 (3 stars) - idk, I think I found this on a rec list for sci-fi about linguistics? Which it sort of was, maybe, ostensibly. It was weird in that old sci-fi way and I kind of wish I'd DNF'd it when I originally considered it.

Traveller's Joy (5 stars)- look I will never say no to more in the Greenwing & Dart series, especially if it's my good good boy Hal. Not to mention more info about the immediate post-college times, and an outside POV on Jemis (Jemis my dude I love you so much but you are not a reliable narrator). Victoria picked a great piece of canon to explore!

Humanly Possible: Seven Hundred Years of Humanist Freethinking, Inquiry, and Hope (4 stars) - I've been wanting to read this since I first heard about it (and Humanist thought in general), and while it was interesting and I'm glad I read it, I found my attention drifting a lot. It spent a lot of time in the early/distant periods of humanist thought, which ended up not really being what I wanted - I think I'm more interested in the modern Humanist movent, but at least I know I'm on the right track!

Godkiller (4.5 stars) - It was great! It was kind of idk, epic fantasy with fairy tale and D&D vibes sort of? My brain is throwing out T Kingfisher and Robin McKinley for comps, but I'm not sure if that's accurate. A great one for fans of less-than-benevolent voices in the back of your head that are nonetheless very concerned for your well being! A solid 4/4.5 stars from me, it switched pov a little to often and didn't stick well in my head as well afterward as I'd have liked. Can't wait to get the next book!

Heartstopper (5 stars) - so cute! at least half the people who have ever come to book club at some point have said they loved this, so since we're in our graphic novel era it just made sense! I read a good chunk of the comic online ages ago and it's still great (and much easier when not fighting my wifi to load pages lol)

Cahokia Jazz (5 stars) - y'all I lost my fucking MIND OVER THIS ONE. Absolutely going to be one of my top books of the year. I'm such such a sucker for books about an outsider trying to find themself, their place, and reconnect with their culture, and hnnnnnng it was so good! Not always easy, but I loved it. I sobbed over that ending so much, I had to get up at work and go hide in the restroom for a bit and couldn't stop tearing up for the next week. Warning that the opening is pretty gory/crime novel/these-cops-are-corrupt vibes that *did* almost make me dnf (GASP), but it gets so much better I promise. Give Joe a chance, he's got hidden depths.

The Last Unicorn (3.5 stars) - It was ok? I didn't really get into it and was glad it was short, but I'm sure if I'd gotten my hands on this as a kid I'd have read it 10x times. I've also never seen the movie. I'm debating if I want to keep my copy for future niblings, but probably not.

Supernova (3 stars) - finally, I am DONE with this series. I admit, the second book almost got me and had me reconsidering if I should keep my copies after all, but this one yanked me back to reality. The undercurrents of ethics/morals/philosophy? to this series are fascinating, but uh, I'm not sure the author is aware of them as much as I was? Because the ending was fine, but all of these questions it felt like the series was raising were just ignored or pushed past. Not a bad series, just don't think about anything too hard.

DNF's

Loot - I was here for the automaton tiger and clockmaking, but that wasn't really the focus? I'm not quite sure what was, actually, I dropped this pretty quick between that, not liking the writing style, or the narrator's voice.

The Death I Gave Him - I was SO sad to give this one up. It's told through excerpts and transcripts and all sorts of things pieced together that hint at events in the future, which is one of my favorite things!!!! Except I don't know shit about Hamlet, and it was giving more psychological-thriller vibes and less murder-mystery, and I wasn't really having fun. It made me want to reread Sarah Gailey's The Echo Wife.

[my-beloved-lakes]

1, 4, 5, 10, 17, 19 for Forever, and 1, 5, 9, 15, and 19 for White Collar?

Forever:

1. what got you into this story?

We have @ghostlyarchaeologist to blame thank for this one. Saw them posting about it several months ago and was actually in the mood to try watching a new TV show (which is rare). Out of all my mutuals, I think I trust them the most to have good taste in TV, so I decided to give it a try

4. assign this story a hyper-specific genre name, e.g. "inspirational religious semi-horror sci-fi western" (yes, that's Trigun)

Um... Idk I'm bad at this. Romantic comedy modern-fantasy crime-drama?

5. do you have a favorite character? who?

I mean they're all so great it's hard to choose but I gotta say Henry, followed shortly after by Abe.

10. if you made an amv about this, what song would you set it to?

@we-have-a-flying-sword pointed out to me the other day that Twenty Long Years by Lord Huron reminded her of Henry. It's not perfect and there are other songs that might work better, but it's a song I love and I do think it works really well.

17. compare this story to your usual tastes. how does it differ from what you've already enjoyed?

Honestly, aside from the fact that it's the first show about a medical examiner I've seen, it's pretty on brand for the kind of shows I like. Nice balance between funny lightheartedness and serious stuff.

19. pitch an idea for a sequel or spinoff novel for this story!

Gosh! I think it'll be a long time before I stop fantasizing about this show getting a reboot. I guess a reboot would start with a recap of what happened immediately following the last scene in the show. Then like, just more of the same I guess, only now there's more trust and transparency between Henry and Jo. I'd like to see them get together. It'd be a long time coming, but they had to wait till they had all their individual issues worked out.

White collar:

1. what got you into this story?

It all started with the show Chuck actually. Matt Bomer played a character in that who was pretty easy to dislike but at the same time I wanted to like him. I just couldn't. Later I decided to look him up to see if he was in anything that looked interesting where he played a more likeable character. I found White Collar and remembered that one of my sisters had said it was pretty good so I started watching it.

5. do you have a favorite character? who?

As I'm rewatching it now I'm remembering how much I love Sara Elis. But also Elizabeth Burke is and always will be absolute wife goals! Mozzy's great too... and Neal. I love a lot of them, really.

9. give the most UNHELPFUL and/or SILLY summary possible.

Tired FBI agent tries desperately (and kinda fails) to keep his crime child out of trouble.

15. what time are you most likely to be found reading/watching this story? (time of year, time of day, season of life, whatever makes sense to you)

Time of day: evening or night cuz I almost never watch TV during the day.

19. pitch an idea for a sequel or spinoff novel for this story!

I don't know what they have planned for the reboot that is actually happening but in a perfect world: Neal found Sara in Paris. (That's why he chose Paris, duh) (Wait she did go to Paris right? Idk it's been a while since I've seen it. I could be miss remembering it) And they are now living happily as a semi-normal couple. Neal is using his unique set of skills and knowledge to help Sara with her insurance recoveries and also doing a little crime on the side. Mozzy has found Neal and is there helping out and encouraging Neal to do more heists/cons. They keep in touch with the Burkes and visit them in the states all the time. Peter let's the world continue to believe Neal Cafrey is dead cuz he knows Neal deserves to be free and that's the only way for that to happen. But any time he needs help on a tricky case he'll call Neal for some unofficial help.

But Honestly I don't want there to be a reboot or spinoff. I liked where it ended and I feel like bringing it back now is a bad idea cuz it'll ruin what, in my opinion, was a satisfying and happy conclusion. I'm really not jazzed about the fact they're working on bringing it back, especially since Willy Garson won't be in it. What's the point without Mozzy!? And apparently Hillary Burton won't be in it either, so that ruins my idea stated above.

[imkillerbae]

Enemies to Lovers Part 5 (Valorant Yoru x GN!Reader

Part 4 here.

Been a while since I updated this oneshot that accidentally gained a plot. But I think this will be 7 parts in total? I've written part 6 already but I dont feel like posting it immediately after this. Hope you enjoy!!! And feel free to request something!

tagging: @swiftyangx12

It’s been two months and a half since your first meet up with Yoru in the shooting range. And somehow, it became routine.

It was an unspoken rule that you and him would be there after noon.

Sometimes he was first there, sometimes you were. When one of you were on a mission, the other would still show up.

Somehow the day wasn’t complete for the both of you if you didn’t meet up.

The day would feel empty. Even Yoru felt the itch to at least peek by the windows to make sure you were there, practicing your aim.

He would never admit it to you or himself, but he felt very proud of your improvement (mainly because he was the one who taught you). It was an ego boost that he was teaching someone something that came so naturally to him.

Whenever he wasn’t there, you somehow found yourself easily distracted looking around the place.

While this went on, some people caught a pattern. Cypher, of course. And so did Jett, Neon and Phoenix.

Cypher was intrigued by the rendezvous you both had often, and as a married man, he saw something that even his cameras could not detect: chemistry.

You and Yoru complemented each other.

He was arrogant and spiteful, you were calm and optimistic. Together, you balanced each other out. You helped him to be more empathetic (after your little outburst before), and he taught you not to take shit lying down anymore.

He taught you how to aim, defense and attacking tactics, as well as game sense, and you helped him realize that there was more that he can do with his skills even away from the battlefield: he could teach.

Lastly but definitely not the least, at this moment in his life, Yoru sees you as his anchor. Something routine, something that is constant. In his life where nothing and no one seems to stay, you always showed up. In that little hideout, he felt like you were someone he could always…go back to.

In that room he always felt like he was needed, wanted, and maybe even…

And as for you, from despising him, Yoru became someone you looked up to. He was skilled, and much more knowledgeable than he let on. He was cutthroat but his method made results. People don’t give him enough credit for it. He was proud, sure, but now you know that there is bite behind that bark of his.

Cypher laughs from his room, smirking under the mask. “How about I play cupid for a little bit, eh?”

He waited for a day where Yoru would be late or absent from your regular meet ups. He then slithered his way in the shooting range.

When he entered, you thought it was Yoru so you might’ve said something embarrassing.

“Wow, you’re late. I was starting to miss you,” You joked as you reloaded.

“Ah, I’m sorry to disappoint. I am not the one you are missing.” Cypher giggled, walking with his hands behind his back.

“Oh shoot. Sorry, I thought you were…”

“Ryo? Ah, I’m afraid he is somewhere else. Although I hope you don’t mind my company?”

“Oh, of course, not! It’s been a while anyways, I don’t see you as often anymore,” you smiled. You liked Cypher. He was a mellow guy.

While both of you talked, somehow the conversation went to Chamber.

“I’ve seen the guns he makes. They are beautiful, too bad they’re such a pain to calibrate. Yoru’s been coming back here non-stop, fine tuning that damn thing.”

Cypher’s brow raises as you continue. “You’d think Chamber would be quick, but it is him so maybe he likes things perfect, even if it takes a while.”

“You are mistaken dear. The gun made for Yoru was finished a month ago. He has a different client now.” He interjects.

You gave a questioning look. “Are you sure? Yoru’s still fiddling with that thing and talking about how it’s taking a while with Chamber. He just said that he’d bring it back to him yesterday.”

“My darling, I see everything. Plus, I am his new client. He does not multitask between projects.” Cypher shrugs, tracing his gloved fingers over the golden markings of the gun he is using. “It takes Vincent a week to make a gun perfect for the user. Amazing, no?”

His comment falls on deaf ears as you processed what was happening.

Yoru was lying about the gun he was using. He wasn’t finetuning it. All this time, you thought he was coming back to the range just because of that damn thing.

You’ve connected the dots: He was going here on his own volition, on his own accord, willingly spending his time here teaching you his tricks. All those reasons he gave you were lies.

He wanted to be here with you.

Cypher wondered. How about the other three that noticed something? Were they also playing cupid?

[foggyworksbutbetter]

one final character analysis of silver spoon

ah, we’ve reached the end. 6 months ago, i posted the first, 5 months ago the second, and i think i finally want to delve into his final bits of character development in the finale. as always, ignore how jumbled my thoughts are, i write as it comes to me.

i made a lot of predictions for the finale, but unfortunately none of it came true. i expected candle to flat out die after iii18. i saw the reference to s1 and mephone being unable to save bow because he died when she did as foreshadowing for smth similar happening to candle, since mephone was debilitated. i also backed up my theory with the idea that candle activating her inner flame left her outer flame very vulnerable, since it seems to grow brighter when she uses her power. tldr, like her inner flame was on the outside. strangely, silver straight up murdering candle wasn’t brought up AT ALL. she was recovered offscreen. such an odd decision by the writers.

silver’s inner flame is eluded to in iii16 and fully realized in 17-18. as i mentioned in my earlier posts, the inner flame is an allegory for the soul. like candle, somebody who is very in touch with themselves and their surroundings can access their inner flame and use it for some kind of power boost + flight and telekinesis. not sure if that’s all it can do, but that’s everything we’ve seen candle or silver do with it. (candle’s ability to see the future and predict a teammate’s betrayal might also be related to the inner flame, but i’m not sure) as silver, with candle’s help, learns about himself and becomes more in tune with what he wants he unlocks this power. when he shows this power off at the final vote to gain support, candle is reasonably upset. “[the inner flame] isn’t some party trick to be strewn about to boost your own disgustly self-inflated ego.”

silver rejects cabby’s attempt to comfort him right after this and says he doesn’t need her vote if he can gain enough votes from the others. he’s regressed, and candle sees that. she saw it in him the moment he used his power to make himself look better in front of the voters. even though silver put on a brave face, we know he cares about candle more than himself. when he attacks her, he has a few lines about how everything he’d done was because he trusted she believed in him. another voice whispers over everything he says that only gets louder right before he kills her. his own arrogance leads to his downfall again. he finally felt like he’d gotten control—which he says himself—after a game of either being constantly undermined or doing anything candle says to please her, because he doesn’t trust himself.

he realizes that despite how much he has grown, he still has a long road ahead of him. his blindness to that leads to him hurting the people he holds dearest. he learns from his mistakes and doesn’t try to use the inner flame again, but a lot of the damage is done. candle is dead, and thats how it should’ve stayed, in my opinion. she’s used as a plot device to push silver’s story arc most of the time, so permanently getting rid of her forces silver to learn to grow and change on his own, like when she was eliminated. on the topic of that, i also think springy shouldve died for good too.

a bit shorter than my other analysis posts, but i did most of the heavy lifting in those last ones. them not showing silver and candle in the library was an absolute crime against nature. i still think blueberry getting immediately eliminated was a terrible writing decision. the show is quite flawed, but the characterization and community keeps me sticking around. cant wait to see whats next on inanimate insanity. hopefully taco gets her redemption arc or whatever they plan on doing, theyve got a lot to wrap up in 4 or so episodes.

[suratan-zir]

Remember I shifted the responsibility to you? Y'all got me into trouble.

this is yet another post about rats, I'm sorry

About a week ago, I was feeling exceptionally anxious and overall unwell, so I did what I typically do to make things even worse. I looked through the rat ads online and found what I was looking for. In a city next to my town, a classic case of a rat in a tiny prison cell. Most likely bought for a child who got bored of it, either because it's not as cute anymore, its claws are too sharp, it smells bad or whatever the reason is. I've rescued quite a few of such unfortunate rats in the past. My most beloved rat of all times, Bambook, the little guy on my user icon, once was rescued from these conditions:

(yes, I keep the old screenshots because I'm sentimental like that)

So when I saw this post, my brain went like "this will be Bambook number two, same age, same conditions, even at the same price! I'll save him, love him and finally, after over a year of grieving, will let Bambook go"

(mind you, this rat is only 4-5 months old, very skinny and weighs 300 grams. Adult males can weight from 600 to 700 grams on average. Yet in this cage he looks big because of how small it is)

I went to that city, two teenage girls, who were looking kinda scared for some reason, handed me this tiny boy. I was asked to bring "a box or something" because "the cage is sold separately". I brought a carrier that was probably bigger than the torture devise they call a "cage".

I could barely talk to them, they started almost running away immediately after handing me the rat. Initially I didn't think much of it, I'm sort of used to people being scared of me. I'm told that I have a weird gloomy, unfriendly look on my face. But they probably wanted to get rid of him before I notice...

On the way home the rat was sweet and gentle, licking my hands and enjoying being petted. But when we got home…oh boy. I always knew that male rats can exhibit hormonal aggression, especially at the age of 6-8 months. But in the years of keeping rats, I never ever encountered such aggression towards humans. Guess I was just lucky.

At first he's cute and cuddly, calm even, then something switches inside his brain and in an instant he goes into killing mode. He attacks not only hands, he bites even knees and thighs, basically every body part he can reach. Then he calms down and demands pets again. He not only bites, but thinks I'm his bitch. After what he did to my hands and knees, they might be pregnant… The girls mentioned that he lived with another rat before they moved him to that cage. I assume it was a female and he mated with her, which made him even more hormonal.

So, everyone, meet Skritch. He went to horny jail and they stole his balls.

Also, the photo where he's stoned is the best photo I have of him, because he won't stop moving.

Skritch is smart, sweet and very friendly whenever he's not attacking me.

He was neutered only yesterday, so it is too early to judge the changes in his behavior. But he no longer bites my hand in the cage, even when we wrestle, which is a huge improvement. But unfortunately, he still didn't pass the couch test. (couch is the place where he gets most aggressive, probably because of the smells of other rats)

He attacked me only once today, the result you can see on the video, it's not nearly as bad as his bites were before. And after that, as always, he acted all innocent and affectionate and fell asleep by my side.

I already love him so much, even if he's a menace. But I am so not looking forward to introducing him to my other boys. Something tells me it's not gonna be easy.

[scarisd3ad]

And I love you, Evangline. - Promptmas day 5

Pairing - tteab!daryl Dixon x tteab!reader

Warnings - none

(A/N) - still don’t know when this takes but def after Glenn’s death. Also so sorry for the delay in yesterday and todays posts I had been so busy on Sunday I had entirely forgotten to write days 5 and 6

Promptmas ‘23 masterlist

Main masterlist

Taglist

After the world had ended, Christmas was quite different. There were no stores to buy gifts from, no mall Santas to take pictures with, and most traditions had died along with the old world. However, with two children in the house, we made an effort to keep the traditions alive. There were still gifts under the tree, and we left out cookies for Santa. Casey even wrote a note telling Santa all she and her new little sister wanted that year.

Evangeline Sophia Dixon was born just a few short months before Christmas and was the absolute light of our lives. She had bright blue eyes just like Daryl. her hair was bright blonde just like Daryl’s had been when he was younger.

-

We all sat around the tree, Casey closest to the tree with 4 presents in front of her, and Daryl and I am little further away with the baby cradled in my arms. 2 of the presents in front of Casey were from Daryl and me, 1 was from Carol, and the last was from Glenn which was just handed to us yesterday by Maggie. She said he must’ve gotten it for her just weeks before his death. “Can I start? Can’t I start?” Casey exclaimed excitedly as her eyes flicked between each gift. “Yup, go ahead,” I reply with a nod. She immediately goes for the biggest box, which was from Daryl. when he put the large box under the tree two days ago. I asked, “What is it?” and he just shrugged before walking away. So, I still did not know what was in said box. She shakes it a few times before excitedly opening it. She gasps as she peers into the box. “Really?” she looks up at Daryl, her eyes wide with excitement. He gives her a nod before she pulls out a kid’s sized crossbow.

I don’t even know where he got it from, let alone one small enough for her. “Daryl” I muttered disapprovingly. She already had five million weapons. She had a gun, more knives than she could even count, and now a crossbow. “Will you teach me?!” she asks, as she examines the crossbow in her hands. “Yup.”

After opening the three other presents, which included some new clothes from Carol, a stuffed bunny from Glenn, and more toys from Daryl and me, we moved on to Evie’s gifts. Most of the presents for Evie were from Carol and Maggie. Each present from Carol was magnificently wrapped with the words “To Evie Sophia from Aunt Carol” written on them. Daryl unwrapped each present and then showed them to Evie, who was sitting on my lap. Though Evie didn’t seem to care about any of the gifts, Daryl still made the effort to show each one to her, cooing, “Look, Eve, it’s socks.” After Carol had told him that it was good for babies’ brains to talk to them as much as possible, he started talking to her about all sorts of things.

It was cute watching him take up the role of a father. Though he had been taking care of Casey for a few years, I had never seen him in the baby stage. He was so nurturing and caring, which was surprising to see in a man like him. Evie had already stolen his heart, even though she was just a few months old. It was truly adorable.

-

Promptmas Taglist

@nezukos-number1fan @thatemophoenixgirl @gleefuleve @narryl0ver @syynnaaah

Tteab taglist

@rivversin @soul4death @furiousheartpoetry @silicone-bonez @nezukos-number1fan @your-shifting-gurl @maziejay08 @oi-itse @rhaenryawhore @kimbunnysstuff @blipblopper @ramielll @ilyhannah @daryldixonnn @delicatebearpandaopera @crypticmushroom @daryldixmedown @duckybird101

[retaurd]

So sorry if this is an annoying or repetitive question, but I’m in a similar family situation and I was curious if you experience maternal feelings toward your brother? Or if the knowledge that he is your brother and not your son is enough to stave this off? I’ve read accounts from surrogates where they develop a maternal attachment during pregnancy that makes the handoff of the baby really difficult. Was it easier since you’re not really being separated from your brother after birth? Again I’m sorry if this is something you’re tired of explaining, one of your posts about it floated across my dash and scrolling your blog for a while I haven’t seen any posts about it that could answer my questions without directly asking. Have a good one

hi! happy to answer, especially if it helps you in some way

to clarify, just in case: what i did isnt considered a surrogacy, but a gestational carry, because my own eggs were not used in any way. surrogacy, from my understanding now (because i had no idea there was a difference or that surrogacy entailed horrors when i started this ~1.5yr ago) is when a woman gives her own genetic material in the creation of the child, carries it, then the child is removed from her and raised by someone else. what i did was have a lil test tube guy, a week old fetus basically, implanted into me, a fetus that belongs(ed? he ain't a fetus no more) to my parents. all i did was help my mom out with gestating him. basically.

anyway to answer you: i've had a heavy hand in raising all of my siblings since i was about 12 years old so i think i have a weird relationship with maternalist feelings but i'll do my best to answer as clearly as i can because for me those waters are a bit muddied. for me the most clearly maternal i felt was immediately post-birth and i will explain. the entire time i was pregnant i was fine, i had a wonderful peaceful easy pregnancy (im pretty sure comparably, aside from a couple gallbladder attacks) without much stress or anxiety mostly, but the minute i saw him, and specifically saw other people, medical professionals, touching him, i got extremely emotional like rapturously overjoyed and then also extremely anxious. they had to take him a few times for a few tests, some examinations, a bath, et c., and i remember getting overwhelmingly anxious and upset that he was apart from me and that they could possibly hurt him because a lot of them are dumb as fuck but that's a separate grievance for another time

im lucky in that i have him half of the time, im with him during the night and early day and my mom is very very freely giving with him and i am as much involved as she and my dad are, just like with my other siblings. the first night i was home he was with my mom and i couldn't sleep just weepy and wondering what he was doing. literally. wondering what a newborn was doing lol. but after a few days for me this wore off as my hormones settled and my anxiety and worry relaxed about him getting hurt, that was a constant fear for the first like 4 or 5 days for me. sleeping helped my body and mind return to normalcy, i had a c-section so i am still recovering from that and my physical inability at the time also had something to do with my fears i think, i had this sense of inadequacy that i would fail him and being physically vulnerable didn't help

overall now, im fine i think. ask me again in a couple months though, who knows about then. i definitely get all the time with him i want or need. my mom from the beginning has been discussing the possible difficulty with me and i think ive organized things mentally well enough. i never thought of him as anything but my brother so i think that helped as well, i think if i wouldve basically poisoned myself into considering him to be my child it would've made things a million times harder as well as that being biologically untrue.

my parents trusted me to do this extremely important thing for them because i volunteered several times over the course of years and have worked to prove my responsibility to them. so it really felt like an act of love for me, i love them, i love my other siblings, i love the baby, i love everyone. all i wanted was to give more. and from the beginning my parents told me this isn't just their baby, it's 'our' baby, as in my whole family. thinking about it that way helped me too.

i hope this helped. i was very scared at some points and very nervous or fearful but nothing was ever as bad as i thought and i was never presented with anything i couldnt handle. please if you need or want to, come off anon and talk to me. im here for you if you need it, even if it is still anonymous but we are able to talk privately and i can do whatever i can to help, i'd be more than happy to. thank you for coming to me, i hope with all my heart that you're okay and your family too

[coffeeallaloneandlord]

.

got out my laptop to write a vent post like it's 2014 idk i'm just like ruminating on every breakup i've ever had and realizing after 15 years of trying to fit the role of girlfriend that is really just not for me lol! like i really thought i was on that path but if there's been any theme to my life so far it's that my path is not straightfoward like i transferred high schools i transferred colleges i moved to a new state without knowing anybody lost my housing immediately in a pandemic and still made it fucking work now i manage a restaurant which i could have NEVER seen myself doing 4 years ago even tho i always wanted to. the first most significant relationship i had when i was 18/19 was with a really genuinely great guy, i broke up with him because i knew somehow that i was too young and had a lot more to experience. it sucked because i loved him deeply and still did for years afterwards to a painful degree lmao. that colored a lot of my subsequent relationships thru college and beyond, which mostly: sucked. and they sucked because they all paled in comparison to the great relationship i had given up in order to have the freedom to have shitty relationships lol. so then i had some shitty relationships, interspersed with periods of girlbossing, then when i was 26 i started dating someone (long distance that i met thru a friend) who was really a perfect match for me in so many ways and i genuinely thought like this is it. literally had king of my heart on the relationship playlist, baby all at once this is enough. but then over time the realities of what it would take to really build that relationship, especially if it meant marriage, actually sank in for me and all that i would have to give up about myself, the life that i've built here, that i fought so hard to build. also i've said it before and i'll say it again.... this grown man let his mother do his laundry. this red flag represented more family dynamics that i won't get into for his sake but it was like once the puzzle pieces fell into place about what i was being asked to sign up for re commitment and marriage it was like omfg no. i will not be doing this man's laundry in 5 years' time fuming and resentful. so i ended that relationship which sucked because all my breakups SUCK i can never have a half decent breakup to save my fucking life, but i was still of the mindset that he wasn't the one for me and i needed to keep looking/waiting. i've dated here and there since then. but what took months and months to sink in the aftermath of that breakup was that the little details like the laundry and the distance that caused that breakup and not the underlying cause of all my breakups since i was 16 which all boil down to i don't wanna do this anymore lol. some people think the term honeymoon phase is controversial or whatever but that has been the case for me in every single relationship ive had that's gotten off the ground. relationships that don't get off the ground are a completely different story lol the only similarity is that every breakup ive ever had big or small sucked ass. to the point where it would lead to me staying in relationships way longer than i should have to avoid a traumatizing breakup which as we all know only makes the breakup worse [[laughing emoji x 13]]. so now like thinking about a guy a like and care about and him hypothetically asking me to be his girlfriend and i can't think of anything fucking worse. like no shade to the girlfriends out there. but my experience of being a girlfriend, even of a guy who treats you well, is that they are using the experience of possessing you to feel good about themselves. all guys do this. the guy who wanted to marry me treated me like aphrodite and worshipped the ground i walked on. and i believe he truly loved me, in a way no one ever has. but it felt perverse after awhile, like in the end it was really serving him. my laptop may die and i don't wanna lost this post, if you're still reading tysm for reading my stream of consciousness <333 if you didnt read this far sorry for not being perfectlol

[bearboiferer69]

Fishing fanatic

My father is a fishing fanatic. Half of the flat is littered with fucking fishing rods, it's horrible. Roughly once a month someone steps in a hook lying on the ground and have to go to the hospital cuz they're barbed at the end. In my 22 years of life I had this procedure done 10 times. A week ago I went to get some random checkup done and when the receptionist saw me she immediately told me to take my shoe off cuz she tought that it's the hook again.

The second half of the flat is fucking packed with Polish Fisherman, World of the Fisherman, Super Carp etc (polish fishing newspapers). Every week my father drives to every kiosk in the town to get every single weekly fishing paper. I was foolish enough to teach him how to use the internet cuz I tought that we would save some money on these papers, but now not only he buys them, he sits on old fishing forums and spins shitstorms with other fishermen over the best bait etc. He can scream into the monitor or throw the fucking keyboard out the window. One time he made me mad so I made an account on that forum and I started trolling him writing in his threads some random bullshit like "Carps eat shit". Mom wasn't cooking hunter's stew fast enough for him to calm down. Oh, and on that forum he has the CATFISH rank, for making 10k fucking posts.

When it's warm he fucks off to fish every weekend. For 5 years, every fucking sunday, I eat fish for dinner and my father yaps about how beneficial eating these watery fucks is. When I got into college my father kept saying that it's because of these fucking fish, cuz they have phosphorus in them and my brain works better.

Every week he and his friend Mirek wake up the whole family at 4 AM cuz they make a ruckus packing fishing rods, making sandwiches etc.

While eating he always talks about motherfucking fish and everytime the topic eventually comes to the Polish Fishing Association, dad keeps getting more and more mad and gets unreasonably angry "hurr durr they don't put enough fish they only steal hurr durr", he gets all mad with all of this and gets up from the table cursing, and goes to read the Big Encyclopedia of River Fish to calm himself down.

This year on Christmas he bought himself a pontoon. Of course he couldn't last until the 24th so he unpacked it yesterday and inflated it in the living room. He dressed up in that whole fishing outfit and sat in it the whole day, in the middle of the flat. He ate dinner (carp) in it too.

If they let me near every fish in Poland at the length of an arm I would fucking kill them all.

Some time ago, in primary or middle school, on my birthday, my father, as a present, took me fishing. Great fucking gift.

We went somewhere way off, far away from the city, we get closer do the lake and my dads eyes are already glistening and he licks his lips in excitement. He unpacked all the gear and we sit at the water and look at the bobbers. After five minutes I got bored so I turned on my discman and my dad fucking bashed me on the head with a fishing rod, because "the fish can hear the music from my headphones and are scared". When I wanted to scratch my ass he started screaming in whispers for me to stop moving cuz the fish can see me move from the water and are running away. I had to sit in complete silence and no movement for 6 fucking hours and look at the water like in some fucking Guantanamo. My birthday's in November so on top of all of that it was cold like a motherfucker. At some point dad got up, walked a couple meters into the forest and farted. He explained to me that you need to fart in the forest cuz otherwise the fish can hear and smell.

I mentioned that my dad has his friend, Mirek, whom he goes fishing with. Some time ago his fishing buddy was Zbyszek. A man the shape of a ball with a mustache, wearing a BOMBER vest 365 days of the year. They were like brothers, him and dad, he would come with his wife Betty to us on Christmas etc. One time on my dad's birthday Zbyszek came over to hehe "drink". They got piss drunk and, of course, talked about fishing all the time. I was sitting in my room. At some point they started fucking screaming over which is better, catfish or pike.

-DON'T FUCKING PISS ME OFF ZBYCHU, HAVE YOU SEEN THE TEETH OF A PIKE?! CHOMP, ARM GONE!

-FUCK OFF TED, CATFISH IN POLAND WEIGHT 80 KILO, YOUR PIKE CAN SUCK THEIR DICK.

-WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING, TALKING ABOUT CATFISH, WHEN YOU CAN BARELY PULL A BLEAK OUT OF THE WATER. THE PIKE IS THE KING OF THE WATER, LIKE THE LION IS KING OF THE JUNGLE!

And it ended with them wrestling on the living room carpet and me and mom had to separate them. From that point onward they lost contact. Last year Betty called to let us know he passed away and that she's inviting us to the funeral. Mom picked up, said her condolences, put the phone down and tells about it to dad, and he replies:

-That's fucking fantastic

That's how much he hated him over that catfish.

I also mentioned my father's archnemesis, that being the Polish Fishing Association. It became his utter obsession and when, for example, they talk about some earthquake on tv, he always says how they should say something about those motherfuckers from the PFA. He stopped reading non-fishing newspapers too because he got mad that they're not writing about polish fishing or any PFA affairs.

The head of the local PFA branch is mr. Adam. For my dad, he's the epitome of evil done to all polish bodies of water by the Association and father had a war with him for several years. One time he went on some fishermen meeting where mr. Adam was and father came back home with a ripped shirt cuz they had to remove him with force, that's how much of a problem he was causing.

After loosing in hand-to-hand combat with the private militia of the PFA dad started a partisan movement online by insulting the PFA and Adam on the forums of local newspapers. He was spewing some bullshit like how Adam was a secret UB agent (communist group, kinda like the FBI), or how he saw him scratching someone's car with a nail on the street etc. I didn't teach my father how to use TOR so cops were called and father had to pay Adam 2000PLN.

When he was paying that he was unbearable for a week, father kept insulting the corrupted courts, the PFA, Adam and the whole world in general. I could deduce from his ramblings that the PFA are some kind of fucking masonry that rules the whole country, pulls the strings and has their people everywhere. He counted that 2000 in fishing rods, hooks or boats and got an absolute headache over , for example, how much vanilla bait he count buy for those 2k (a couple hundred kilo).

Last year father said that we absolutely need to have a fishing boat because apparently renting is too expensive and everyone wants to scam him.

"sonny, on the water is where the real ones fish! That's where the element's at! (it makes no sense in original text either)"

But he couldn't afford it nor did he have a place to store it and he wasn't some hehe loser, so he wasn't gonna pay someone for keeping it, and so he met some local fishermen, they bought a boat together, it's gonna stay at some dude's place, because he has a house and not a flat like us, on the driveway on this guy's trailer and they were to share the boat or fish together.

At first this cooperation went well but one weekend father got sick and couldn't go with them and had a temper tantrum over this. To top it all off, his friends called him to say that fish are catching like crazy so my dad was just lying there, crimson red from anger on the couch and kept panting like an animal. The worst part was that he had no one to blame, like he usually does. Finally he came to the conclusion that it's unfair that they're fishing without him because they bough the boat together and saturday evening, when these dudes came back from their trip, he suddenly left the home.

He comes back an hour later and tells me to help him with something in front of the block. I go outside and I see our car with the trailer and boat. I asked him where did he get it from and he replied that he fucking stole it from that dude's house because they scammed him and told me to grab the boat and bring it into the flat. My explanations that it's gonna take all the space in the living room were fruitless. Luckily the boat couldn't even fit through the door to the staircase so dad decided to just leave it in front of the house.

Using some chains that he found on the boat and my bike lock he chained it to a lamp post and satisfied with his work he wants to go back to the flat when suddenly 2 cars roll up, with co-owners of the boat inside, because they put 2 and 2 together and realized where their property might've gone. An unreal fight started, co-owners are screaming why did he steal the boat and to give it back, father's screaming that they scammed him and he payed 500 PLN and didn't even swim this weekend. I tried to calm them down so that dad wouldn't get beat up because it was really close.

After several minutes the situation was as follows:

-My father lying on the ground, clutching the trailer and screaming that he won't give it back

-Co-owners screaming that he has to give it back

-One co-owner has a broken nose because he tried to pull father away from the boat by the leg, and he got kicked with the other

-Two officers are pulling father by the legs and saying that he's going to the station cuz he beat someone

-Neighbors are watching from every single window around

-My mom is crying and begging father to leave the boat and the policemen not to arrest him

-Me sadfrog.psd

Finally cops ripped dad away from the boat. I gave the co-owners the bike lock code and they took the boat, throwing 500PLN at dad and saying that he no longer has any right to the boat and it's better for him not to meet them on any fishing trip. Mom managed to convince the cops not to arrest dad. The dude with the broken nose said that he's not wasting his fucking time walking to police stations and that he doesn't care, he just doesn't want to see father ever again.

Dad to this day is spinning shitstorms on fishing forums because they made a thread there where they warned everyone about making any deals with my father. I was following that thread and watched as my father ineptly made troll accounts.

Steven54

Posts made: 1

This thread was made by morons! I know user anons_dad for a long time and he's a great dude and an incredible fisherman! They want to slander him because they're jealous of his catches!

Later he would use these troll accounts to stalk his old boat buddies. When one of them made a thread he would fucking burst in on that account and say that he catches shit fish and everyone can see that he can't fish.

From the same accounts he would post replies to his own posts

"well catch! I see you're an experienced hunter!"

and then he would get all happy and force me and mom watch how they cherish his presence on these forums.

[fallingdeeperintothispit]

10 characters/10 fandoms

Thanks for tagging me @dirtbag-linecook-kyloren! Let’s get into it 🦆

We’re gonna go chronologically just like the post I was tagged in because it’s late and I have no original thoughts!!

1. Kirishima Eijirou / Boku No Hero Academia

So sweet. My boy. And so criminally underrated. I feel like I really connected with this character back when I was in the fandom, because for those who don’t know his origin story was that he was super boring and bland in the (Japanese equivalent of) middle school, and when he got to high school he had completely changed his personality and flourished. I wanted to be him in a way, strong and brave. (Was this where issues with gender began? Maybe.)

2. Pitch Black / Rise of the Guardians

HOOOOH BOY. So many people identify Jack Frost as their first animated crush, but goddamn it if I didn’t immediately start being totally obsessed with Pitch. Now, as the years have passed, it’s become difficult for me to tell if I wanted to be with him or /be him/, but I always thought that he deserved much better than he got.

3. Sokka / Avatar the Last Airbender

Sensing a pattern? Yep it’s another unappreciated side character used for relief that I identified with and stuck to like a cactus. I actually really liked his character when I first watched the show, and now am an avid Zukka fan! Will I ever write a fic for that? Maybe. But don’t worry, Kylux will forever and always be my main source of inspo. Those blorbos were made for each other.

4. Runaan / The Dragon Prince

Listen. LISTEN. I started watching this show years ago and it is SUCH A COMFORT. I adore it. As I watched the show, of course I immediately connected with Soren, but something about Runaan’s character and the fact that he was so powerful and cut off but also a father and a lover and he NEVER GOT JUSTICE,,, it impacted me. I’ve read every SCRAP of fic I can about his life pre-TDP. Love him to death. Save my boy next season please!!

5. Saiki / The Disastrous Life of Saiki K.

Something about a generfluid aromatic main character just hit home for me. The fact that it was so normal that Saiki was born a girl and just changed his gender and no one cares is such a tiny moment in the show but it introduced the idea of “this is ok” to me. I hold that show in a special place in my heart. Doesn’t hurt that it’s also hilarious.

6. Muriel / Good Omens Season 2

We come to the present! Or, well, a few months ago present. Loved the kiss scene. Cried at the ending. Something about Muriel made me want to protect them. They’re so,,, blorbo. Kinda reminds me of Mitaka, now that I think about it 🧐

7. Jim / Our Flag Means Death

Oh boy. OHHHHHH BOY. Him. I love him. I want to be him. Just,,,, JIM. His origin story, his love interest, his bloodthirsty personality, that one scene with Spanish Jackie… just a chef’s kiss all around.

8. Armitage Hux / Star Wars - Sequel Trilogy

SAY IT WITH ME: “HE WAS DONE DIRTY!!” He had so much potential and they just SQUANDERED IT. He could have been the next Thrawn! He had the brains for it, and the wit. I don’t know why Ylasmirs aren’t used more in Star Wars cannon. Did I mention that Hux was a GENIUS?! He built a better, more powerful Death Star and was killed by A CHARACTER THE FANDOM HAD JUST MET. Also, he was the spy??? REALLY?? …I’m so normal about him.

9. Clyde / Logan Lucky

Recently watched this movie with my family and adored it. It’s up there in my list of Perfect Heist Movies! I feel like Clyde’s character was really well executed, and at no point was he made lesser for being an amputee, which I really enjoyed. Also, with the Ferrari movie coming out, maybe another heist is set to happen 👀

10. Stensland / Crashpad

Listen. This movie. This fucking movie. It was SO BAD. And kinda misogynistic? But… I really enjoyed Domhall’s acting. Stensland was lovable and dumb and my heart ached for him when he got rejected. Does that excuse the movie’s weird ending? No. But I still like the character.

Honorable Mention: Captain Phasma / Star Wars - Sequel Trilogy

I love Gwendolyn Christie. I love a woman who can beat the shit out of me. I love a woman in armor. Need I say more? Also, that character’s death was very anticlimactic and I feel like she should have been in TROS.

No-pressure tags! @fridayincarnate @dragonflies-draw-flame @ironsoulmaker

[abiiors]

to make everyone feel better about the supposed “5 year break”

1. this tour isn’t selling as well as ATVB it’s obvious that they would market it as the last tour for a while to gather hype.

2. the only person to say a “few years” was Jamie once in a group chat with fans, and we know that man isn’t always true to his word. most people on reddit have said it’s just a marketing technique, cause only jamie has said that once. people were going crazy to get ticket for the eras tour cause people on twitter started a rumor on twitter that this would be taylor’s last album/tour before retirement. and she’s just recently confirmed that she’s still working on music at the moment. maybe jamie just wants to build up hype around this being the last tour for a few years and after the tickets sell well they will confirm that they aren’t going anywhere.

3. they’ve already started hinting at the next album with deleting all their post and showing a more green color scheme before archiving everything.

4. they’ve done albums every two years since 2016. so probably another album mid - late 2024.

5. most of notes was made during touring abiior. it’s not impossible for them to already have majority of the album done, specially cause matty has talked about being in studio with george (and jack) multiple time. (first time he mentioned they started their 6th album was in february i believe.)

6. matty has said something to the effect of “your favorite band, throughout every era of your life we will be here, no matter what.” at most shows.

7. after SATVB ends they will probably take some time off maybe releasing their album later 2024 nov - dec. and touring it 2025. (which would be almost two years since SATVB started, kind of boosting the “few years theory” isn’t as long as you think.

8. other possibilities is matty releases a solid album 2024/25 and tours it on his own but i doubt he could sell as well without the 1975 name behind him (no offense obvs.)

9. they’ve been best friends since they were 13, they might take a break from touring (a well deserved one) but their not splitting up entirely. why would they have already started album 6, months ago if they had any intention of breaking off in to a hiatus for 5 years.

10. (just a bonus theory)

it could be their last tour as THE 1975 (for a few years.) matty loves to be cryptic. it’s possible they might tour as drive like i do since it’s been implied heavily that he wants to return to that name one day.

i know some of these are a little delusional but i hope it put a end to some of your anxieties (everyone)

we know matty is insane sometimes, he fully well could announce his solo record or the next 1975 record in the next few months if he wanted to. plus People was released in like 2019 while on tour, it’s possible their next era will start soon or as already started (with them deleting all their post and stuff.)

that's all really well thought out and after my initial panic lol i do think you're right.

yes, they've talked about the sixth album and i'm sure you're right about most of it being done too but then again i won't be surprised if they did take a break longer than 2 years or didn't immediately go on tour for the sixth album?? like adam's kid is still so young and i'm sure he wants to be much more involved. g and charli have talked multiple times about getting married.

their schedule is so insane that sometimes it feels like they have been putting their personal lives on hold for it which is obvs not good.

if matty does decide to release a solo album and tour it, i'd be really excited to see how that goes like even if he does it on a smaller scale it would certainly be an experience <33