#I never watched it until bec like I was like 10 when it first came out

[aaandbackstabbed]

I have just watched lady bird for the first time.

And what the fuck I mean what. the. fuck. why did no one warn me

[heartlilith]

My Placements and How They Manifest

Capricorn Ascendent:

My mother told me that when she gave birth to me, it was worse than my other 3 other siblings by far. She had to be induced because there was no sign of me wanting to come out into the world (lol). She said she was in labor for hours and when I finally came out, she started hemorrhaging. It wasn't fatal obviously because she's alive today but yeah, I kind of associate that with my Capricorn rising. Still to this day, change is very uncomfortable for me especially if I have no control over what's happening. My childhood was great until my mom divorced my dad and remarried, that's when shit went south! I had new siblings, a stepfather, and had to see my dad heartbroken while also battling melanoma and being laid off (2008 recession). My sister stayed with him and I went with my mom. They were always fighting and spiting each other but it was my sister and I that missed out. It was always "what is your father saying about me?" yada yada yada. Growing up, I was bullied by my sister a lot, in my opinion, it was more than the usual sibling fights. My mom also took a lot of her anger out on me; she ended up getting a divorce not too long after remarrying, became an alcoholic and filed for bankruptcy. Being a Capricorn rising and dealing with the backlash of that, I always have money saved, ALWAYS. I'm like a squirrel hiding nuts I stg. If I'm completely broke I'm an anxious mess. It's also why I strive to be independent and self sufficient. It's why I manifest being filthy rich. High school was terrible tbh and I battled with depression and anxiety. College was a lot better and moving away from my mom and chaotic family did me well, I went from a 2.6 GPA in high school to 3.85 in college. Rereading this it sounds kinda like a sob story and that's not what I'm trying to accomplish so I'm just going to move on.

1st House Neptune, Uranus, Lilith:

I made a separate post either on here or Reddit about how my features have changed so much over the years. As a child, my hair was blonde then it turned blonde/red in late elementary school. Since then, it's turned darker and darker through the years. Now it's dark brown. My eyes were dark blue as a child and now they're light green - I attribute this to Uranus and Neptune being on my Ascendent. In my opinion, I'm not photogenic at all (Cap rising?) and I think I look different in every picture I take or is taken of me. With Lilith being in my first house, I was sexualized a lot growing up by older guys/men. And also bullied by boys my age; I remember they thought I was "too girly". Guys, I shit you not after I had enough of it, I started showing up with boy shorts and those tank tops guys wear HAHAHA to be more of a "tomboy"... I'm not really sure what that is but yeah, I must've been 10 or 12 or something. People would always say "it's because they have a crush on you/because they like you!" and I would be so confused. Nowadays, I think I rub some people, specifically men, the wrong way and they dislike me for "no reason", or maybe they have a reason but they never come out and say it. My Uranus in the 1st shows up as being quirky I guess? I'm not really sure. Maybe it's that my parents were never disciplinary at all, I could do whatever I wanted. At the time I loved it but deep down I think I wanted to them to care, so I would act more and more reckless. Today, maybe that sets me apart. One last thing about Neptune/Uranus in the 1st is that I can't stand to see people treating people/animals/or what have you, the wrong way. I can't even watch Youtube videos of animals starting off abused... even if the videos end with them being happy and healthy, I CAN'T DO IT. It deeply disturbs me.

Side Note (1st House Lilith):

As a small child I was obsessed with being naked all the time and skinny dipping LMFAO like it was a problem. Luckily there were no creeps and I was fine but would this placement indicate that in anyway? Let me know because it doesn't really fit with my Capricorn rising.

(I'm really sorry this post is so long and detailed I think I'm having word vomit)

Virgo Moon:

As a child I was really reserved and "chill". I already talked about my relationship with my mom and she was critical and whatever. One thing that sticks out about this placement is that she would always push the idea on me to "stay pure" and to "stay innocent", especially when I was a teen. Always pushing this on me. Always telling her friends I was "naive" and yeah maybe I was in a sense. I don't know it's weird how that fits. My mom wasn't all bad though. She definitely had many faults but she was a great mom in certain aspects. Growing up, I realized she's just a human like me, with problems of her own. I don’t hold it against her. Today, my Virgo moon makes me sooo anxious and worrisome. I definitely see the negative qualities it brings but the good qualities out weigh them. I love buying people gifts and I'm a great gift giver if I do say so myself. With my Capricorn rising and Virgo moon, I hate PDA and it can be hard for me to be lovey dovey (even with all my Leo), so I show love by buying gifts - kind of like my dad. My parents were never there for me emotionally but they bought me great gifts hahaha, I guess that's why. Also I tend to "mother" my partners; I do their laundry, do the cleaning, make their doctor appointments, and take care of them in a sense - like my mom did for me. Writing this out I can now see why I am the way I am lol.

Moon square Jupiter, Pluto, and Saturn:

Ooooff. Well I won't dive into it too much. I will say it affects my mental health greatly and I've had a lot of trouble in that department. My Moon square Jupiter really makes my moods go up and down. Like high highs and low lows for sure. I try to look at it positively even though it's hard sometimes. Having the high highs brings out my inner child (Jupiter in the 5th). When I'm happy I'm really happy and giggling and silly. And of course the flip side is low low :( But I like the high highs so I deal. Also with this, I tend to avoid being sad at all costs. All costs. I'm a true escape artist when it comes to emotions. With Pluto and Saturn squaring my Moon, I am infact a MOODY BITCH. LOL, hey at least I can admit it. It brings intrusive thoughts, obsessive thinking, insecurity, and guilt with it too - all that great stuff. Moving on.

Cancer Mercury:

I like my Cancer Mercury a lot, even though it's paired with my all my Leo placements which can make me a ~smidge~ dramatic. I wasn't the best student in high school but I did take the hardest English courses they offered, which in hindsight saved my GPA lol. In college, I studied English with a concentration in creative writing. I mostly wrote and studied poetry which I loved so much. I'm a great listener and if I could write an advice column I would. I love how my Cancer Mercury makes me empathetic and how I'm able to put myself in anyone's shoes. One negative about this placement is that I get hurt easily (paired with Leo Sun and Virgo Moon esp), but I won't let you know I'm hurt, I'll just get angry and mean. I don't like that about myself and I wish I was more vulnerable in that aspect but it's easier to be angry than sad... right?

Leo Venus and Mars:

After talking about all the above placements, my Leo side is definitely my ray of sunshine in a way. I feel like with my Virgo Moon and the aspects it makes, it kinda settles my Leo ego. That's not to say I don't have an ego, I definitely do... just look at this post it's all about meee :) I have pictures of when I was 3-6 years old and flexing my muscles hahaha and I thought I was so strong I would go around and show everyone that I could pick my mom and older sister up. So weird. Other than that, when I dislike someone I tend to go on rant for awhile about everything I dislike about them. My least favorite thing is when someone makes me feel inferior or small, that will put me on 10 easily. I don't get mad all that much, it takes a lot but when I do get mad, I see red. Maybe cause I have Mars at 0 degrees. I do get over things quickly though, emotionally anyway, but I do hold a grudge. Also yesss, I have Leo hair. It's long and thick and hard to manage. Growing up, my mom would never let me color or cut it and I'm kinda glad now looking back on it.

8th house Moon & Venus:

This is why I hold grudges hahaha. In my opinion, the 8th house can be hard to understand/put into words until you experience it (in synastry, transit, natal, etc), then you just know. With Venus here, every person I'm romantically involved with transforms me but also takes a piece of me as well. In my experience with the 8th house, you can gain a lot of good things but it comes with a price. Whether its a mix of my placements or just these placements specifically, love really hurts! Break ups have put me in dark dark places. When I do love someone, I want to merge with them, like become "one" if that makes sense. So when it comes to an end, I have a huge hole left. In my life, this has manifested as when I ran away from home to a different state and ghosted my family and friends just to get back together with my boyfriend, all on a whim. I'd give it all up for someone I love. With Virgo Moon being in my 8th house, my anxiety mixes with my obsessive behavior which manifests as dermotillamania. I struggle with it so bad. I'm working on it but yeah that's kinda interesting looking from an astrological sense. Moon in the 8th house gives me great intuition though... I'm always right about the vibes. But this comes at the cost of feeling things extremely deeply.

Scorpio MC:

This is another placement that I like about my chart because my Capricorn rising makes me come off as intimidating and my MC makes people see me as powerful and mysterious. I don't know if people actually see me this way but even it being a possibility gives me like Olivia Benson vibes. I love her. Anyway, one thing I will say is I don't have social media anymore and haven't for years (besides Tumblr and Reddit) because I really value my privacy. I don't like people knowing things about me unless I decide to share it with them, even small things. Tumblr and Reddit are okay in my mind because I don't know anyone in real life. But even this post I'm already thinking of deleting and I haven't even posted it yet lol. When I did have social media, I would overshare and then delete the post an hour later. I was always deleting pictures and revamping my aesthetic. I became obsessed with likes and comments and scrolling that it was too much and I didn't like the power it had over me. Something else that I think manifests from my MC is that I love psychology, astrology, and things that tie into personalities.

5th house Jupiter & Saturn:

It always confused me on how to interpret having Saturn, the planet of limitations and responsibility, and Jupiter, the planet of expansion and luck, in the same house. I thought that they canceled each other out in a way, or level each other out... is a better way of putting it.  I actually messaged @astrosky33 and asked how they interpret it. Her (?) answer was interesting and made a lot of sense. Jupiter and Saturn in the same house gives off both energies at the same time (why didn't I think of that? lol). So for the 5th house, in terms of my hypothetical kids, I would be a parent that has fun and is silly but also strict in some ways and responsible. One way Saturn in my 5th house manifests is that I don't want to do anything creative unless I feel it's productive in some way, which I don't like about myself. Meaning, I don't want to read a book if the genre is fantasy, I would rather read non-fiction or a self help book; something that I can learn from. Also, I really like hobbies where I can produce something, like making candles or making spell jars. If I can make money from a hobby that I love then even better. Jupiter in the 5th house manifests as being child-like and also loving kids. If things are going well and I'm happy, then I can be excited and goofy like a child. If things aren't going well, then I can throw a tantrum like a child. I love kids because my early childhood was the best time of my life before life hit me upside the head (lol). This past Halloween, I made goodie bags for the trick or treaters and got so excited when the doorbell rang. I don't know, I just want to protect kids and shield them from the bad in the world. Kids, out of everyone, deserve to be happy.

Sun sextile Jupiter:

Things tend to work out for me, well, as of lately anyway. I struggled a lot growing up and I was always wishing my life were different. I couldn't wait to leave home. Now, I have a boyfriend who I love very much and we live very comfortably. I have a great job and I am so much happier than I was before. Of course, life isn't always perfect and there are problems at every turn. I wish I could go back in time and tell 15 year old me that everything is going to be okay, more than okay actually. I have a dog and two kittens who I love very much and I'm very fortunate to have the life that I do. I try to stay positive because there's no point in being negative and sulking all the time. Plus, you never know what can happen so be thankful for what you have, even if in your eyes, it isn't enough. I believe in being nice to people, you never know how far one act of kindness can go. Lord knows I needed it during some pretty tough times in my life.

Venus square Saturn (TW: Eating disorder, drug use, phobias):

Going back to having fear of abandonment and being uncomfortable with PDA... well here is the culprit. Or some of the culprit. Since Venus is in my 8th house, I feel like this aspect plays into my fear of my family dying, more specifically, my parents. Whenever I visit home and I see they look a little older, move a little slower, I get really sad. Their birthdays are supposed to be for celebrating but I can't help but get sad. It takes over me and I obsess about what I'm going to do when the day comes and they're not here anymore. I put on a brave face though and I buy them nice gifts and send flowers on holidays... but it's always in the back of my mind. This aspect also manifests as having low self esteem and growing up this was very prevalent. I didn't care about myself at all; I did drugs, I put myself into bad situations that I get anxiety just thinking about what could've happened. I had an eating disorder, dated boys that were awful. I'm fortunate that I made it out okay. I still have insecurities today but during that time in my life it was so intense because even as a teen without this aspect, you deal with insecurities. It was like double trouble.  

If you read this far, thank you. I hope it was semi-interesting and Im really curious to know what you guys think. Should I make a part 2? I’m feeling a little “out there” by posting this so I hope it's not too much. Thanks again for taking the time to read this.

(let me know what you think!)

[bechloeislegit]

25 Days of BeChloe Christmases - 2020

Day 25 - Secret Santa

A/N: I did my first batch of the 25 Days of BeChloe Christmases in 2017. This is one of my favorite stories from that series, so I thought I would use it as Day 25 since I've kind of lost my inspiration to work on Christmas fics. I hope you enjoy it.

Prompt from Electronis Zappa: "The Bellas do a secret Santa. Aubrey and Beca get each other's names. Aubrey uses it to set up Bechloe. You can do whatever you want for Beca's gift to Aubrey."

A/N: This is set the year after the Bellas won the ICCAs. Chloe is a senior again; Aubrey has graduated.

Now, on to the story. I hope you like it.

~~25 Days of BeChloe Christmases - 2020 ~~

"Hey, Bellas!" Aubrey called out as she entered the Auditorium.

"Aubrey!" yelled the girls and ran to say hi.

"Yeah, okay," Beca said. "I guess we're taking a break."

"Oh, hush, Beca," Chloe said. "Everyone's just excited to see Brey. And, I asked her to come."

"Of course you did," Beca said dryly.

"Brey!" Chloe squealed and ran to hug her best friend. "I've missed you."

"I miss you, too," Aubrey said. "I've missed all you girls."

"Not that I don't love you crashing our Bellas practice," Beca said sarcastically. "But, what are you doing here, Aubrey?"

"I told you I asked her to come," Chloe told Beca.

"Okay," Beca said. "But, why?"

"Because it's time to draw names for the Secret Santa," Chloe said.

"Yeah!" the Bellas all screamed.

"Yay," Beca said with less enthusiasm.

Chloe brings out a box and shakes it around. She holds it just high enough that everyone can reach in and not see anything.

"Okay, everyone's name is in this box," Chloe said. "We'll all take a name and buy a 'secret' gift for that person. And remember, the gifts have to be between $10 and $25. We'll exchange our gifts at the Bellas Only Christmas party in three weeks. It will be held at the Bellas house. We can assign duties later."

"Hey, Aubrey," Stacie said. "You're the guest. You pick first."

Everyone agreed, and Aubrey reached into the box and drew out a name. She opened the slip of paper to look at the name and then stuck it in her pocket. Chloe went next and drew out a name. She also looked at it and slipped it into her pocket. Beca was next, and she muttered a 'Shit!' when she read the name. She quickly looked around to see if anyone heard her and put the paper in her pocket. Everyone else drew a name and started gathering their stuff.

"Hey!" Beca said. "We still have another 90 minutes for practice."

"Oh, Captain, my Captain," Amy said, putting her arm around Beca's shoulder. "We all know we'll practice for 10 minutes, and then you'll call it quits because none of us are really practicing because Aubrey is here. We're just pulling the trigger early."

"Fine," Beca said with a huff. "Take the weekend off while Aubrey's here. But be ready to work twice as hard on Monday."

The girls all stood around looking at Beca. She never gives them the entire weekend off, even when Aubrey is visiting.

"Leave now, losers," Beca said. "Or start doing some cardio. Your choice."

Everyone started hustling to get out of the Auditorium. Beca hung back and started cleaning up. She was surprised when Chloe and Aubrey started helping.

"I figured you two would be the first ones out the door," Beca said. "Doing some best friend shit or something."

"I guess it's a habit," Aubrey said. "We were always left to clean up after everyone. We just thought it would go faster if we helped."

"Thanks," Beca said sincerely. "I appreciate it."

"Aw, look at the two of you getting along," Chloe said, wiping a pretend tear from her eyes.

"Shut it, Beale," Beca said with a small smile, causing Aubrey to laugh.

The last chair was put away, and all the trash had been thrown out.

"Hey, Becs," Chloe said. "Brey and I are going to get something to eat. Wanna join us?"

"Yeah, Beca," Aubrey said. "Come with us. We're going to that diner I know you like."

"Thanks for the invite," Beca said. "But, I'm supposed to have dinner at my dad's. Since I now have some free time before that, I'm going to work on a playlist for our Christmas party."

"Oh, okay," Chloe said. "Maybe next time."

"Sure," Beca said. "I'll see you back at the house later."

"Bye, Beca," Aubrey said.

Beca gave them a wave and left.

"You've got it bad for her," Aubrey said to Chloe as they walked toward the diner. "And, she's still oblivious."

"Yeah, I do," Chloe said. "What am I going to do, Brey? I can't seem to get her to notice me as anything more than a friend."

"She's a little slow when it comes to some things," Aubrey said. "You just have to ask yourself how long you're willing to wait for her."

~~ Day 25 of the 25 Days of BeChloe Christmases - 2020 ~~

Beca hurried back to the Bellas House. She felt bad lying to Chloe, but she had picked Aubrey for the Secret Santa, and she only had three weeks to find something to give her. She needed to start now if Aubrey was going to have anything to open.

"I could ask Chloe," Beca thought to herself after spending two hours online for ideas. "No. I need to figure this out for myself."

Beca sat at her desk and picked up the Bellas pitch pipe that Aubrey had passed on to her. She twirled it in her fingers and rocked to and fro in her chair. Suddenly, she got an idea and called her dad to let him know she wouldn't be able to make it to dinner. She then grabbed her laptop.

Later that evening, Chloe and Aubrey were hanging out with the other Bellas in the living room. They were trying to decide what movie to watch. Fat Amy and Jessica were making the popcorn and getting the drinks together.

"I'm going to see if Beca's coming down," Chloe said as she got up.

Chloe found Beca sitting at her desk with her laptop open. She was really focused on what she was doing, but she wasn't wearing her headphones. Chloe frowned. Beca usually only looks this focused when she's working on her mixes. She wondered what could have Beca's attention.

"Hey," Chloe said, just loud enough to not scare Beca.

"Oh, hey," Beca said, closing her laptop. "What's up?"

"We're going to watch a movie," Chloe said. "I was hoping you'd join us."

"Okay," Beca said. "Can you give me like five minutes? I just want to finish something."

"Sure," Chloe said. "See you down there."

"Okay," Beca said.

Meanwhile, down in the living room, another conversation is taking place.

"Okay, ladies," Aubrey said. "I need your help."

"You know we're here for you, Brey," Stacie said.

The other girls all agreed, and Aubrey asked someone to listen for Chloe. Ashley stood near the doorway and nodded to Aubrey to continue.

"I got Beca for Secret Santa," Aubrey said. "And, I want to get her and Chloe together. That's my gift to her."

"Yes, Bloe is on!" Amy yelled.

"Amy!" Aubrey said. "I don't want Beca or Chloe to know."

"Oops, sorry," Amy says and closes her mouth. She 'locks' her lips and drops the 'key' down her shirt.

"What's the plan?" CR asked.

"Honestly," Aubrey said. "I don't have one yet. That's where you girls come in. I need some ideas. Nothing too outrageous or outlandish, please. Just something that will make Beca declare her love for Chloe."

"What if we make Beca jealous?" Stacie said. "Set Chloe up with someone and make sure Beca sees them together."

"I don't know," Aubrey said. "I don't want to pull someone else into this. That will only cause problems."

"Hey, Chloe," Ashley said so the other Bellas could hear. "Is Beca coming down? I'm going to the kitchen and can grab her a drink while I'm there."

"Yeah, she'll be down in a few minutes," Chloe said. "She'll probably just want water. Thanks."

"No problem," Ashley said and went into the kitchen.

Chloe entered the living room to find the rest of the Bellas still talking about what movie to watch. Beca came down a few minutes later and sat on the floor. Ashley handed her a bottle of water.

"Thanks," Beca said.

"Hey, Becs," Chloe said. "Come sit here. I saved you a seat."

"That's okay," Beca said. "I know how you and Aubrey get. I'd rather take my chances down here."

"Oh. Okay," Chloe said, looking crestfallen.

Aubrey and the other girls shared a look. They all hated to see Chloe like this. Beca needed a wake-up call.

~~ Day 25 of the 25 Days of BeChloe Christmases - 2020 ~~

The movie was over, and Beca bid everyone a good night and was up the stairs before anyone could say anything. Chloe let out a sigh and said she was going to bed.

"You coming, Brey?" Chloe asked as she stood up.

"I'm going to help clean up first," Aubrey said. "I'll be there in a few."

"Okay," Chloe said. "Good night, girls."

The girls all wished Chloe a good night as well, and she went upstairs. As soon as Aubrey heard Chloe's door close, she turned to the other girls.

"I have an idea on how to get those two together," Aubrey said.

Aubrey quickly told the girls her idea and said she needed to get up to Chloe's room before she came looking for her.

"You all know what to do, right?" Aubrey asked.

All the girls nodded and smiled.

"Good," Aubrey said. "I'll see you all in the morning. Operation get BeChloe together is a go."

"Bloe," Amy said.

"BeChloe," Stacie said.

Aubrey just shook her head and went upstairs. She opened Chloe's door to find Chloe lying on her bed staring at the ceiling.

"This had better work," Aubrey thought to herself as she got ready for bed.

~~ Day 25 of the 25 Days of BeChloe Christmases - 2020 ~~

Two weeks later and the Bellas House was decorated for Christmas. Chloe and Stacie were putting the finishing touches on the tree when Beca came in.

"Looks nice," Beca said when she saw the tree.

"Wait until you see it all lit up," Chloe said with a big smile. "Tree lighting ceremony will be at 8:00 tonight. And I've declared it mandatory for all Bellas to be there."

"Got it," Beca said.

"Hey, Becs," Stacie said. "A package came for you today. I left it on your bed."

"Cool," Beca said and went running upstairs.

Beca ripped open the package and read the letter that came with it. She smiled and checked the box and put everything together, and wrapped it. She then put the wrapped gift in her desk drawer and locked it. She was so going to blow Aubrey away with this gift.

~~ Day 25 of the 25 Days of BeChloe Christmases - 2020 ~~

It was the day of the Bellas Christmas Party, and every girl at some point had snuck their Secret Santa gift under the tree. Aubrey arrived earlier that afternoon and managed to get her gift for Beca under the tree without anyone seeing her. Chloe was overseeing the food preparations in the kitchen with Jessica, Ashley, and Flo. Fat Amy and CR were on a liquor run. Aubrey, Stacie, and Lily were on table-setting duty. The plan was to have a nice Christmas dinner before the actual party. Beca got out of much of the preparation because she had a shift at the radio station. The girls were listening to the campus station while they went about their tasks.

It was getting close to 6:00, and final touches were being done on dinner. Beca came running in at 5:45 and was on her way upstairs when Chloe called out to her.

"Hey, Beca," she heard Chloe call from the kitchen. "Dinner's on in 15 minutes, so don't get lost up there."

"Yes, ma'am," Beca said as she continued upstairs.

Beca dropped all her stuff in her room and hurried back downstairs. She was actually excited about dinner and the party.

"Anything I can do to help?" Beca asked Chloe as she walked into the kitchen.

"You can help take the food to the table," Chloe said, handing Beca a bowl of mashed potatoes.

"On it," Beca said.

Dinner was done, and everyone was sitting around the table chatting. Beca stood up and started gathering plates and silverware. Stacie and Jessica stood up to help.

"Why don't the rest of you go claim your seats in the living room?" Beca suggested. "We'll take care of the dishes and be in to join you."

"That's a great idea," Chloe said. "Let's go, girls."

The rest of the girls got up and headed for the living room.

"Thanks, Becs," Chloe said and kissed her on the cheek.

Beca, Stacie, and Jessica put away the leftovers and loaded the dishwasher. Beca started hand washing the pots and pans and anything that didn't make it to the dishwasher.

"What's gotten into you tonight?" Stacie asked Beca as she took a pot to dry.

"I'm just really excited about the Secret Santa," Beca said.

"Wow," Jessica said. "You won the title of Grinch last year, hands down. What's changed?"

"I don't know," Beca said. "I guess Chloe's rubbing off on me. She's always so positive and bubbly. It was bound to happen. I have such a good feeling that tonight is going to be epic."

Jessica and Stacie share a smile. This was going to be an interesting night.

Beca, Jessica, and Stacie joined the rest of the Bellas. Stacie sat next to Aubrey, Jessica sat next to Ashley, and Beca sat next to Chloe. CR, wearing a Santa hat, was sitting by the tree. She would be handing out the Secret Santa gifts.

"Okay," CR said. "I'm just going to grab the gifts at random. Whoever's gift it is will open it and guess who the giver is. After all the gifts are opened, we'll reveal who gave what to who. The first gift goes to Ashley."

Ashley opens her gift to find an assortment of bath soaps, lotions, and shower accessories.

"I love it," Ashley said. "I'm going to guess Jessica or maybe Chloe."

"Next, we have Fat Amy," CR said.

Fat Amy opens her gift to find a gift card to her favorite candy store with a small supply of her favorite candy as well.

"Aw, yeah," Amy says with a fist pump. "I'm guessing, hmmm, Beca. She always knows my favorite candy."

"Next is Stacie," CR said and handed Stacie her gift.

Stacie opened it to find a personal manicure set with nail polish, remover, nail files, and the like.

"Ooooh," Stacie said. "I love my cuticle care. Um, I'm going to guess, Aubrey."

"Next is me," CR said and started opening her present.

"It's the new Rihanna CD," CR said. "I saw this the other day and swore if I didn't get it for Christmas, I would buy it myself. I'm going to guess it was either Chloe or Flo. They were with me when I saw it."

"Okay, next we have Beca," CR said.

Beca took her gift and opened it. Inside was a ticket to the Barden Christmas Festival.

"Oh, my God," Beca said. "This is so cool. I heard that David Guetta was going to be there. This is awesome."

"Who do you think gave it to you?" Amy asked.

"I'm going to say, Chloe," Beca said. "She knows how much I admire David Guetta."

"Next, we have Jessica," CR said and handed the gift over.

Jessica opened her gift.

"It's a cookie press and a cookie recipe book," Jessica said. "I've been wanting a cookie press and have all these great ideas for cookies I could make using the different designs. I'm going to say Flo or Ashley because they usually bake with me and know how much I love it."

"Lily, this is for you," CR said, handing over the next gift.

Lily opened it and found a book on surviving the apocalypse. Everyone looked around with some fear in their eyes.

"It's signed by the author," Lily said loud enough to be heard. "I'm guessing this came from CR."

"Um, okay," CR said. "Next, we have Flo."

Flo opened her gift to find a bottle of her favorite perfume.

"I love this stuff," Flo said, smelling the bottle. "I'm going to guess CR on this one. She knows I ran out not too long ago."

"Next up is Aubrey," CR said and handed over her gift.

Aubrey took it with a big smile and opened it. Inside she found an envelope with her name on it. She opened the envelope and found a letter. Aubrey started reading it, and tears came to her eyes.

"What is it, Brey?" Chloe asked.

Aubrey couldn't say anything, so she just handed the letter to Chloe.

"Can I read it out loud to everyone?" Chloe asked.

Aubrey nodded her head and wiped at the tear that fell.

"My dearest Aubrey," Chloe read. "As former Captains of the Barden Bellas, we want to tell you how proud your Bellas sisters are of you. You were the first to lead our precious Bellas to a win at the ICCAs. We all stand prouder today for what you have accomplished. You did something that none of us could do; you won it. And, no matter how many other ICCA titles the Bellas win, you will be forever known among your sisters as the first to do so. Please accept this small token as our thank you for bringing glory to the Bellas name. That's it. It's also signed by like ten different Bellas Captains from over the years."

Everyone in the room could see how much this meant to Aubrey. Aubrey kept her head down and wiped away another tear. Chloe rubbed her back.

"What's the token they mentioned?" Chloe asked Aubrey.

"I don't know," Aubrey said. "I haven't looked yet."

"So, look," Amy said.

Aubrey looked in the box and removed the tissue paper. She gasped when she saw what was in there. She took it out, and Chloe gasped as well.

"Oh, my God!" Chloe exclaimed. "Is that the original?"

"Yes," Aubrey choked out.

"The original what?" Stacie asked

"It's the original Bellas pitch pipe," Chloe said in awe. "It's been with the first Captain since the Bellas were put together over 40 years ago."

"Who do you think did this?" CR asked.

"I would say it was Chloe," Aubrey said. "But she seems just as surprised as I am. I honestly don't know who else would know how much this means to me. Maybe Stacie."

"Well, Chloe, your gift is last," CR said, handing her the gift. "The sooner you open it, the sooner we can find out who made Aubrey cry."

The girls all chuckled, and Chloe opened her gift.

"I got the same thing as Beca," Chloe said. "A ticket to the Barden Christmas Festival. I guess someone knows I like David Guetta, too. So, I'm going to guess it was Beca, or maybe Aubrey."

"Let's find out who gave what to who," CR said. "I'm just going to call out each person's name in the same order, and the giver will reveal themselves. Ashley."

"That was me," Stacie said.

"I guessed wrong," Ashley said with a chuckle. "Thank you, Stacie; I love it."

"Amy," CR said.

"That was from me," Jessica said. "Although I did kind of ask Beca for some help."

"Nice," Amy said. "Thank you."

"Stacie," CR said.

"I had Stacie," Flo said.

"Thank you, Flo," Stacie said.

Flo nodded and smiled at Stacie.

"I was next," CR said.

"You guessed right," Chloe said. "I had you."

"Thanks, Red," Chloe said.

"You're welcome," Chloe said with a smile.

"Beca," CR said.

"That was me," Aubrey said.

"Really?" Beca said. "Thanks, Aubrey. It's the best thing you could've given me."

"There's a second part to your gift," Aubrey said. "But, you have to wait a bit for it."

"Um, okay," Beca said and looked at Chloe with a raised brow.

"Don't look at me," Chloe said. "I have no idea what she has planned."

"Jessica," CR said.

"That was me," Lily said. "I really like her oatmeal raisin cookies."

"Thanks, Lily," Jessica said. "Those will be the first batch I make with my new cookie press."

"Lily," CR said.

"That was me," Amy said. "I stood in line for hours to get it signed."

"You met the author?" Lily said. "Thank you! You must tell me all about it."

"See me later," Amy said with a smirk.

"Moving on," CR said. "Flo. That one's easy. It was me."

"Thanks, CR," Flo said.

"Oh, my God," Ashley said. "That just leaves Chloe and Aubrey. And I know I had Chloe, so that means that-"

Every head in the room turned to look at Beca. Beca found the hem of her shirt very interesting and wouldn't look at anyone.

"You did that for Aubrey?" Chloe asked.

"Beca," Aubrey said. "I don't know what to say."

"Thank you is more than sufficient," Beca said, still not looking up.

"No, it's not," Aubrey said, getting up and going to kneel in front of Beca. "No one has ever done anything like this for me before. Not even Chloe, and we've been friends forever. So, no, a simple thank you is not sufficient."

Aubrey took a deep breath and lifted Beca's head by her chin.

"I'm going to give you the second part of your gift now," Aubrey said.

"You're not going to kiss me, are you?" Beca said.

"Don't ruin the moment, Beca," Chloe said and smacked Beca on the arm.

Aubrey looked around at everyone, and they all nodded. Aubrey took a deep breath and let it out.

"Chloe is in love with you," Aubrey blurted out.

"Brey!" Chloe yelled.

"Chloe's what now?" Beca asked, looking at Aubrey and then at Chloe and back to Aubrey again.

"Yes, Chloe is in love with you," Aubrey said. "That's why each of you only got one ticket to the Barden Christmas Festival, so you'd go together. And, you'd finally tell Chloe how you feel about her. We all know you both have feelings for each other. It's just high time you did something about it."

Chloe sat with her head in her hands, cheeks a bright red.

"I can't believe you did that, Brey," Chloe said quietly.

"So, it's true?" Beca said. "You are in love with me?"

Chloe gave Beca a sidewards glance and mumbled, "Yes."

Beca's face split into a wide smile. She grabbed Chloe's hand.

"Excuse us," Beca said and dragged Chloe into the kitchen.

"Becs, I'm sor-"

Chloe was cut off when Beca smashed her lips against Chloe's. Chloe let out a little squeak and began kissing Beca back. Beca pulled back after a few minutes and smiled at Chloe's flushed face.

"I'm in love with you, too," Beca said.

Chloe smiled and leaned in for another kiss. She pulled back and looked at Beca.

"So, do you want to be my date to the Barden Christmas Festival?" Chloe asked.

"Only if I can take you to dinner before we go," Beca said.

"Deal," Chloe said.

"I believe we should seal the deal," Beca said, inching closer. "With a kiss."

"I totally agree," Chloe said as she closed the distance and kissed Beca.

They broke apart and looked over to see all the Bellas in the doorway cheering. Beca and Chloe both smiled, and everyone returned to the living room.

"Beca said this was going to be an epic night," Jessica said. "She was right."

"Whose gift won as best of the night?" Stacie said. "It has to be between Beca and Aubrey. I mean Beca made Aubrey cry, and Aubrey made Beca finally declare her love for Chloe."

"She definitely won," Beca and Aubrey said, pointing at the other.

"You did, Beca," Aubrey said. "You gave me the gift of a lifetime."

"No, you win," Beca said. "The gift you gave me will, hopefully, last a lifetime."

"But, you went out of your way to get me the perfect gift," Aubrey said.

"Think we should stop this?" Stacie asked Chloe.

"I know just how to do it," Chloe said with a wink.

Stacie smiled and followed Chloe over to the two arguing Bellas. Chloe stood in front of Beca, and Stacie stood in front of Aubrey; they took their faces in their hands and lifted their heads. Chloe kissed Beca and Stacie kissed Aubrey, shutting them both up. After thoroughly kissing their respective loves, the two girls pulled back from the kiss, leaving Beca and Aubrey breathing heavy and speechless.

"I think we won that argument," Stacie said.

"We totes did," Chloe said.

[wannabe-bella]

Lo-fi

Jesse Swanson (10:24am)

Yo, so we met up with some of the guys from class, they’re chill dudes

Chloe Beale (10:33am)

Hey we’re waiting on you Bec :)

Beca’s eyes adjusted to the brightness of the phone screen as she stared down at the messages. She was confused for a total of 15 seconds before it registered with her that she said she’d hang out with her friends. Her gaze then fell onto the time.

11:00am

Well shit.

“Hey, sorry I was late-” Beca groggily stated 15 minutes later as she stumbled her way into the local café. Her eyes landed on the group of friends tucked away to the side of the room, each staring at her in amusement.

“She’s alive!” Jesse cheered with a goofy grin, taking a sip of his coffee.

“Haha...” Beca said, falling into the empty seat opposite him. Beside him were two of the guys she knew from class, Benji and Donald, and to the left, was Chloe.

“Hi Bec,” Chloe greeted with a smile from beside her.

“Hey Chloe.” The brunette replied, rubbing her eyes in hopes of wakening up. God, she was so tired.

“Late night?”

“Huh?” Beca glanced to her. “Oh... yeah, was working on something.”

“Here,” Jesse’s voice chimed in, making her look to him. He held out a coffee cup, “Thank me later.”

Beca gave him a thumbs up as she took hold of the drink. The girl stared at her coffee cup, breathing in the scent in hopes that it would wake her up somewhat. Taking a sip she relished in the warm liquid that soothed down her throat.

She thought back to the track that she was working on last night. The sounds just weren’t working, and it was bothering her big time. Because if she can’t work on a simple track how the fuck was she going to make it in the industry?

It’s bullshit, she thought. Creative block that is. It’s the cock block of her music. And if she could, she’d whack the shit out of it. But unfortunately, she cannot so she’ll settle for angrily tapping at her laptop mouse pad instead.

Taking another sip of her coffee, her mind wandered to the cliché café music that was playing. Some lofi kind of beat, the kind you’d hear on YouTube to study to. Maybe I could make something like that? She thought, tapping her foot the beat. It was simple enough. You add some electronic piano in and a groovy bassline and you’re good to go. Feels like a cop out though.

Taking out her phone, she noticed a message from her Dad.

Dad (11:25am)

I’ve been called into work, money is at home for dinner. Call me if you need anything

Beca (11:30am)

ok, thanks

Feeling a yawn come on, she tried to hold it in, but to no avail a loud yawn escaped her. The kind that makes you look like you’ve been crying by the tears that has showed up.

“Wakey, wakey!” She heard Jesse say, in a far too annoying tone. He ruffled her hair.

“I hate you,” she grimaced.

“So…?” He raised his eyebrows.

“So, what?”

“Are you up for it?” He continued.

“Up for what?” She took a large sip.

“You weren’t listening, were you….” Jesse stated more than questioned. He rolled his eyes before standing up, “One of you mofos fill in sleepy head over here. I’m gonna get some of that sweet, sweet cake they’re serving.”

They watched as he practically skipped towards the counter. If she were at least 80% awake right now she would have chuckled along with the others. But boy she felt dead.

She began to zone out again until she heard the horrid two words of bowling and movies.

“Wait wha-“

“We’re going bowling soon,” Benji explained, looking rather excited. What a dork. “And then we’re gonna go see that new horror film that came out.”

Beca paused for a second.

“I don’t remember signing up for any of this.” She deadpanned. The redhead beside her let out a little giggle.

“Oh come onnnnn,” Chloe teased, nudging her shoulder slightly. “It’ll be fun.”

“But I’m tired…” The brunette complained with a huff. “How about this, you guys go do that. And I’ll finish my coffee and head back to bed.” She nodded. “Deal?”

“No, no and no,” Popped up Jesse who sat back down, hearing the last part of the conversation.

“I hate you.” Beca repeated from earlier. Yawing once more, jesus Christ at this point, she unintentionally felt her head droop onto Chloe’s shoulder. Leaning it there, she felt herself almost drift off. “This is comfy.” God she was tired.

Seeing the girls exhausted state, the redhead raised her eyebrows.

“Maybe this one is a bit too tired for that today.” She piped up, looking to the boys.

“Nah, poke her with a stick and she’ll wake up,” Jesse chimed in, taking a bite of cake. Donald leant over to steal a bit, much to Jesse’s dismay, ‘go buy yourself some you dick.’

Chuckling Donald, chewed on it, “If the stick doesn’t work, we can throw a bucket of water over her.” He added.

“As amusing as that would be,” Chloe said, nudging Beca off her shoulder, “I think this one should head back home.” Standing she pulled the girl up from the chair. “Come on sleepy.” She hooked her arm through Beca’s.

Making their way to the door, she laughed as the boys mocked crying as they exited.

---

As Chloe was walking alongside the brunette, she realized something. This was the first time it was just them together. Usually, they would be with Jesse.

Her heart started pounding suddenly with slight nerves.

I mean… She had been crushing on the girl for the longest time.

Safe to say Chloe was a nervous wreck incase Beca found out somehow.

But what the redhead didn’t know is that Beca felt the exact same way about her. Fortunately for the brunette though, she was too tired to even think straight, so she groggily stumbled her way up the steps to her house.

Fetching out her keys, she put them in the door before glancing to Chloe who stood staring at the ground. She stepped back and forth anxiously.

“You’re more than welcome to make yourself at home,” Beca said, stepping in through the door. “My dad wont be back until this evening.” She added.

“Are you sure?” Chloe cautiously tip toed into the house. She’d been here before, but never alone, always with Jesse or someone else.

“Yeah of course,” Beca said making her way to the kitchen, Chloe following. “If you want we can put on a movie?”

“I thought you didn’t want to watch any,” Chloe bemusedly piped, accepting the juice pouch from Beca.

“I don’t,” The brunette replied, “But…” She drawled, “You were kind enough to bring my lazy ass back here.”

They both made their way into the living room, Beca half assed pulled up Netflix, before giving the remote to Chloe.

She tried to hold in a yawn but one escaped her.

They settled down onto the sofa, with Chloe starting up some cliché comedy movie. They chatted endlessly for about 10 minutes before going silent and watching the film.

Around 20 minutes, Chloe shifted in her seat as she heard heavy breathing. She glanced over to find Beca passed out, head laying against the back of the cushions.

Chuckling slightly, the redhead shook her head before glancing around for a blanket. Fortunately, one was on the sofa so she threw it around the both of them.

It wasn’t long before she felt herself drift off too, movie long forgotten about.

---

Beca woke up around an hour later with a weight on her shoulder. She quickly came to realize that is no other than Chloe Beale.

Chloe fucking Beale.

Her crush since middle school.

Was laying on her shoulder.

Beca remembered that the girl brought her lazy ass home because she was out of it.

Eyes darting around the room, she debated on what her next move would be. She didn’t want to wake up the redhead. Who, by the way, looked adorable when asleep.

Netflix was playing random movie trailers much to her dismay. She noticed the remote beside her so she switched the TV off.

She stiffened as she felt movement from the girl beside her.

“Mhmm… hi….” Chloe grogged out, voice full of sleep.

“Hey,” Beca replied in a soft tone. “I think we passed out.”

Lazily nodding, Chloe yawned, her head still laying comfortably on the brunette’s shoulder. “Yeah, I guess so.”

Hearing her phone go off, Beca reached for it. She had a few snapchat notifications from the boys. She opened Jesse’s. It was a video of them playing bowling and him getting a strike. ‘And that’s how you do it boys!’ he said in a sassy tone.

Benji had sent a snap of him and Donald with a weird filter. And Donald sent a random video of him zooming in on the bowling ball.

She felt Chloe giggle as she watched the snaps. “They’re such dorks,” She said, snuggling a little further into Beca’s shoulder.

God she’s so cute.

“Are you okay?”

“Hmm?” Beca’s eyebrows furrowed.

“Your heart,” Chloe said, “It’s beating really fast…”

“Ahhh…” Awkwardly running a hand through her hair, Beca glanced to the ceiling, “Uhhh… You know…”

“Uh hmm,” Chloe giggled.

Smirking Beca tipped her head to look at the girl, “What are you giggling at?”

“You,” is all the redhead replied with before using her sleepiness as an excuse to continue snuggling.

[terriblebloggerrob]

My CPA Journey

I originally decided to start my CPA (certified public accountant) journey in my senior year of high school in 2001. Unknown at the time, my inattentive ADHD derailed me in college. I still managed to graduate in 2009 with my B.S. in accounting and started work at a public accounting firm. Still needing about 20 credit hours, I enrolled in a B.S. in finance program in 2011 and in 2013 I was then eligible to sit for the 4 CPA exam sections.

My whole post high school life I was always reminded on how hard it was to pass the exam sections and since each section cost around $230, I didn't want to register for the exams until I was ready. With ADHD, I realized I would never be ready. When you qualify to sit for the exam you have to register and take at least 1 section of the exam within 18 months of being registered... so at the 17th month I took my first section, Audit in 2017. I failed. This was the section I was supposed to be an "Expert" in since I handled audit matters at my firm. This devastated me and drove me into depression.

In January of 2018 I purchased Rogers CPA review program that included video lectures, text book and practice exams. I took AUD again in October of 2018. I studied about 30+ hours watching mostly Rogers lectures and I passed! I didn't find out right away, after around 40+ days of waiting, I found out right after dropping my kids off with their Nana. I wish I'd found out just an hour earlier so I could have celebrated with them but nonetheless, I was so excited.

This left me with three more sections to pass (BEC, FAR and REG). I was motivated. When you pass a section, you have to pass the remaining three within 18 months or you lose credit for the one that you passed 18 months ago. Obviously, this meant I would quickly schedule the remaining exams ASAP.

Wrong... I waited about 8 months before taking another section, BEC and I failed. I studied less than 2 hours for that section. Then in October of 2019 I passed FAR (I studied 30+ hours). However, I scheduled my REG just two weeks after FAR and I was so burned out that I didn't study at all for REG and I failed it. So at this point I passed 2 exams out of 5 total attempts with my BEC retake coming up in December. I failed my BEC retake (studied 2 hours). Now I passed 2 exams out of 6 total attempts.

I was distraught, my window to passing the remaining two (BEC and REG) was quickly closing before I'd lose credit for passing AUD (meaning I'd have to retake AUD). I'd have to pass the remaining two by March of 2020 and if I failed just one of them, I wouldn't have enough time to retake them before losing credit on my AUD exam. I was depressed and demotivated, believing I was a crappy accountant and dumb as a bag of rocks. Compounding my negative emotional state was the fact that now my Rogers exam prep course subscription was now passed the 18 month window that I purchased a couple years ago. Additionally, the fact that I didn't really use Rogers that much in studying for REG or BEC prior to this point just fed into my depression. I called them and they graciously allowed me to have a 6 month extension. I finally took advantage of those video lectures this time!

I then changed my mindset, I went full throttle and scheduled my BEC exam for the middle of January of 2020 and my REG exam at the middle of February. I decided I was going to study 30+ hours for each, came up with a detailed study strategy and watched hours of the Rogers video and audio lectures while taking notes.

It takes about 20-30 days to get your score back after taking a section of the exam, this period of time was excruciating. My ADHD couldn't properly handle this period of time. My BEC score release was a day after the Super Bowl. I am a HUGE Chiefs fan, this is the Super Bowl they WON!! The very next day I found out I passed BEC with a total of 10 hours of study time. I was on cloud 9, I was motivated. I was happy, really happy!

This momentum propelled me through my study time with REG which I took on February 13th wearing my Chiefs dress shirt. If I failed, I'd have to retake not only REG but also AUD.

On February 24, 2020 I learned that I passed REG (with 20+ hours of study time). It took me 8 attempts to pass the 4 sections and yes, I know if I'd spend at least 30 hours studying for each of them then I'd most likely would have passed all on the first attempt. However, I'm not built like that, and working 50+ hours a week in public accounting at the time didn't help either.

To be fully honest, I didn't accomplish any work between February 13th and February 24th as I refreshed the score release website at least a million times. I've finally done it. This realization didn't sink in right away, I was so overwhelmed with emotion, joy and relief.

The process wasn't fully over yet, as I had to wait for the paperwork from the state's accountancy board and to finish the experience verification process and complete the ethics 8 hour CPE course. Besides the lack of publicly available information on this process as a whole that left me with huge amounts of anxiety, I found it very difficult to focus at work. Ethics exam was the worst part, having to get a 90% or higher just seemed tedious to me. Finally forced myself to take it in April and was officially awarded my CPA license on May 15th of 2020.

My only wish would be to have my Mother alive and with me to share in the celebration and because I know this would have made her so happy. However, some of my good friends here threw me a surprise party and I am so blessed to be surrounded by awesome people like them!

Normally this would result in me attending the initiation of new CPA members at the state Captiol but due to Covid, this was instead turned into a youtube digital video of just my picture and my name.

Looking back on it now, I am very proud of my journey. Finally accomplishing a goal that I've had for almost 20 years and at the same time seeing my beloved Chiefs win the Super Bowl is a memory that will never leave me.

My only advise for those trying to get their CPA is to take care of your mental health, be proactive in trying to avoid burn out and do not let the statistics intimidate your mindset. Use a study strategy that works best for you. For me, the video lectures was a far superior study method than spending hours on practice exam questions. But that's just for me and ignore the critics.

[missperfectlyfine13]

Kiss Me Like You Mean It

I’ve been in a real mood to write some bechloe fluff and since it’s pride month, I figured why not make it pride themed! I’ve been thinking a lot about my first experience at a pride event, and I thought it would be great to replicate that for bechloe.

Summary:  Beca and Chloe have been living in Brooklyn for about a year now and Beca is newly out of the closet. Chloe suggests they go to the NYC pride parade. Beca gets swept up in the moment, making a daring moment that could change their friendship forever.

Read below or on AO3

                                                 ************************

Beca stares at herself carefully in the mirror, she hopes she doesn’t look too crazy. She’s wearing light wash denim shorts, rainbow striped knee-high socks with her black chucks, a black tank top with a big rainbow heart on it, and her hair is pulled back into a high ponytail with an obnoxious looking rainbow scrunchie.

 She knows there will be plenty of people dressed far wilder than she is, but it’s so out of her comfort zone to be so loud…and open. That’s what pride is about thought right?

 When Chloe had suggested they go to NYC pride this year, Beca had been hesitant at first, but in the end she decided it would be fun. Chloe has always been open about the fact that she’s bi, but Beca hid her sexuality for much longer. It wasn’t until earlier this year that she finally came out to everyone. Chloe was the first person she told. She knew her best friend would be nothing but supportive and she wasn’t wrong. She smiles fondly remembering the cold, winter afternoon she told her.

 Beca is actually shaking, but not because it’s 10 degrees outside and their old apartment building is the draftiest building to ever stand, but because she’s nervous. Chloe should be home in a few minutes, and today is the day she’s going to come out to her.

She knows Chloe will be ok with it, she is bi herself, but that doesn’t make her any less (irrationally) worried about rejection.

Beca finally hears keys outside their door and her entire body stiffens in fear.

Chloe waltzes in like any other day, except that her thick winter coat is dusted with still sparkling snowflakes and her cheeks are cherry red from wind exposure.

“It’s so cold out there Becs! I thought I was going to freeze to death just walking back from the subway,” Chloe shivers, shedding her coat, hat, and mittens onto the hook by the door.

“Yea, it’s rough out there today, is it snowing?” Beca tries to distract herself with small talk.

Chloe shakes her head no, “Not really, it’s just windy, so snow is blowing off the rooftops. So, I guess it’s kind of like it’s snowing?”

“Huh, yeah,” Beca replies mindlessly, she didn’t even hear what Choe said.

“You seem off? Are you ok?” Chloe asks in a concerned voice.

The red head quickly steps out of her winter boots and moves to sit across from Beca at their little kitchen table.

“Yea I’m fine,” Beca replies, but her voice betrays her, quivering on the last syllable of her response.

Chloe quirks an eyebrow, “I don’t believe you, do you want to talk about it?”

Of course, Beca wants to talk about it, but she’s suddenly paralyzed with fear. She’s never been good at communicating her feelings or revealing things about herself. Telling Chloe right now, will be the first time Beca has even said it out loud.  

The other girl senses her discomfort and rises from her seat, “Why don’t I make us both some hot chocolate and you think about it. If you don’t want to talk after, we don’t have to.”

Beca nods, grateful that her best friend is so understanding of how she works. No communication is needed for Chloe to know what’s going on her head most days. It’s like she’s a mind reader…or a Beca whisperer.

A few minutes later, Chloe sits back down, placing a steaming mug of hot chocolate in front of Beca. It’s topped with whipped cream and there’s a candy cane left over from Christmas sticking out of the side. It’s so Chloe.

Chloe lifts her own mug to her mouth taking a sip, leaving a foamy mustache above her lip. Beca laughs and the red head realizes quickly, jutting her tongue out to lick it away.

“You ready to talk?” Chloe asks carefully.

Beca nods, she has no clue how the other girl always manages to make her feel so at ease.

“Ok what’s up?” she prods her, attempting to get the conversation started.

Beca toys with the handle of the mug in front of her, not able to actually look into Chloe’s eyes directly, “So, there’s something about myself…that I’ve been wanting to tell you about.”

Chloe waits patiently for her to gather her thoughts, sipping away at her hot beverage.

There’s no sense in her beating around the bush, so she takes a deep breath and blurts it out, “I’m gay.”

Chloe’s eyes widen and she carefully sets her mug back down before getting up and squealing excitedly, “Oh my god Beca that’s great!”

The red head moves to the other side of the table and scoops Beca up into a bone crushing hug. She knew that her best friend would be perfectly ok, this will probably be the easiest coming out experience she’ll have.

“I’m so glad you felt like you could tell me,” Chloe whispers into her shoulder, before letting her go.

Beca’s still shaking nervously as they sit back down, but Chloe looks overjoyed.

“So how long have you known, am I the first person you told?” Chloe’s enthusiasm bubbling over.

“You’re the first person…and I’ve known for about a year,” Beca says a little more calmly now.

“Well I’m honored to be the first and I’m so happy you’ve finally decided to come out,” Chloe lifts her hot chocolate back up to her lips, “if you ever need girl advice too, you know where to come.”

Beca’s cheeks burn at the thought of going to Chloe for help with other girls…Beca only wants Chloe, which just makes her cheeks burn brighter. If Chloe notices, she doesn’t say anything, just smiles pleasantly as she drinks from her mug. She knows how Beca gets about things.

“Thanks for being so great about it Chlo,” the reality of telling her was much better than Beca had imagined it.

“You know I love you no matter what! You’ll always be my Beca,” Chloe says it so easily, like she’s reciting facts from a textbook.

Beca truly doesn’t deserve someone as amazing as Chloe in her life.

 All the other Bellas had been just as supportive, if not more. Amy had dragged all three of them out to the bar after Beca told her, for celebratory drinks. All night the wild Aussie proudly announced to any relatively attractive woman, that her best friend is gay and single. By the end of the night Beca’s cheeks were burning red with embarrassment and Chloe had laughed enough for all three of them. She had managed to get a couple phone numbers from Amy’s crazy antics though, which was oddly reassuring, even though she never called any of them.

 Beca remembers how Chloe had sneered at the few women that did come up to hit on Beca that night, ultimately confusing the brunette to no ends. The incident still confuses her and her feelings towards her best friend, which might not be as one sided as she thinks.

 Beca is snapped out her thoughts, when Chloe makes her reappearance from the other side of the clothes rack dividing their small apartment. She had wanted her outfit to be a surprise.

 “So, what do you think?” Chloe asks, twirling around excitedly.

 Any thought she had about looking to crazy goes out the window when she sees Chloe’s over the top, loud and proud outfit.

 The red head is wearing a rainbow tutu over her white denim shorts and a rainbow tie dye crop top, which leaves a delicious amount of Chloe’s toned stomach on display, that’s a thought for her to unpack later. Her hair is pulled back into a ponytail as well, her hair tie is much crazier than Beca’s. Rainbow streamer like objects are attached to it, which lie against her ponytail in a way that makes it look like she’s got rainbow extensions. She must have used body glitter, because she’s actually sparkling. The only muted part of her outfit are the pair of white chucks on her feet.

 “You look like a rainbow threw up on you,” Beca laughs, and Chloe’s face falls slightly before she adds, “but it looks great.”

 Chloe’s eyes travel up and down Beca’s outfit, “I like your outfit too, we look aca-awesome. You could use some glitter though.”

 “That’s where I draw the line Beale,” she replies sarcastically, “we better get going, we don’t want to miss the beginning of the parade.”

 The moment they walk up out from the subway, the air shifts around them. There are so many people, all decked out in rainbow, cheering and laughing. Music pounds loudly through the streets. People flit by them happily carrying rainbow flags and she swears she sees a storm of bright confetti off in the distance. The energy immediately washes over them both. Beca looks to Chloe who is smiling wider than normal, cerulean eyes sparkling almost magically.

 Beca grasps her hand tightly and they walk forward, attempting to find a good spot to watch the parade from. As they move farther into the mass of people, the more in awe Beca is. Everyone is so free and open. She’s positive she’s never been surrounded by more people who are LGBT or supportive of them. The thought makes her swallow back a tearful lump back.

 “How about there?” Chloe points at a spot, still open right by the guardrail, which are set up all along the street.

 Beca nods and they squeeze their way into the action.

 “Isn’t this amazing?” Chloe asks, looking around in awe.

 It’s the first pride either of them has ever been to, Beca’s so glad they get to share this special moment together.

 “It is,” Beca agrees without even thinking, still floored at the scene unfolding in front of her.

 Beca’s stomach flutters with an unknown feeling when she sees a lesbian couple across the street share a kiss. She wishes she could lean over to Chloe and claim her lips just like they had. Beca is still uncertain about how the girl next to her feels though, her fear of rejection too strong to want to try anything.

 “Beca look!” Chloe tugs on her arm to get her attention.

 Beca turns her gaze to the end of the street where she can see the head of the parade arriving. Before she knows it, it’s right in front of them. It seems to fly by in a flurry of colors, sights and sounds.

  People dressed up in wild outfits, holding balloons and banners fill the street. Drag queens dance by, a parade of dogs dressed in rainbow gear walk through with their owners, earning a slew of squeals and coos from her best friend. Floats of all design go by. People on bikes and scooters buzz by with wild smiles on their faces.

 The storm of rainbow confetti Beca had seen down the street when they first got here arrives. It floats down into the air, landing on everyone and everything. It’s magical, like something out of a movie.  

 “Becs, let’s take a picture,” Chloe says excitedly, holding her phone out.

 “Yea let’s do it,” Beca says as they turn around so they can get the street behind them.

 They both smile brightly, confetti fluttering down around them still, and Chloe takes a couple pictures. Beca can see the red head’s face turn in the display, to place a kiss on her cheek. A selfie pose Beca has become accustomed to. Beca’s not sure what comes over her in the moment, but when Chloe’s lips are almost on the smooth skin of her cheek, she whips her head around in time to catch her best friend’s lips with her own.

 Maybe it’s how freeing this whole experience has been, Beca feels like she doesn’t have to hide anything about herself. Maybe it’s the vibrant energy surrounding them, breaking down all her normal inhibitions and fears. But it doesn’t last long.

 Their reactions are instantaneous and completely opposite. Chloe seems like she starts to kiss her back, but Beca pulls away like the other girl’s lips burned her.

 “Oh my god, Chlo,” Beca feels panic bubbling up in her chest, “I don’t know why I did that; it was so stupid. I’m so sorry, that was so dumb, I’m an idiot.”

 Beca’s rambling, she’s completely aware she is. Chloe on the other hand is still staring at the brunette completely dumbfounded.

 “Shut up,” Chloe says firmly, stopping Beca dead in her tracks.

 Before she can worry about her best friend being angry with her, Chloe’s lips are crashing down onto hers for a second time. Beca’s mind goes blank and she melts at the feeling of Chloe’s lips moving softly against hers. Beca kisses back eagerly this time, sparks flying wildly between the two best friends. Chloe pulls away after a few moments, since they are still in a large crowd of people.

 “We’re ok,” the red head says breathlessly, grasping Beca’s hand as they turn back around to watch the remainder of the parade.

 Beca nods and confirms the statement, holding the other girl’s hand tightly, “We’re ok.”

 Beca has a hard time concentrating on the rest of the parade, her mind entirely consumed by the kiss she just shared with her friend. It had felt so right and so good, just like how she always imagined it would. But, what did it mean? Does Chloe like her, or did she kiss her to make her feel better about what happened? She seemed like she enjoyed it though.

 Chloe must hear how fast her mind is running and she whispers into her ear, “We’ll talk at home, just enjoy the rest of the day.”

 It’s almost the end of the parade, when Beca looks over to see Chloe intently studying her phone. She leans over slightly to see what has is holding her attention. It’s the picture from before, the surprise kiss picture. Neither of them look surprised, it looks like the most natural thing Beca has ever seen, like it’s meant to be. Rainbow confetti is swirling down around them and their lips are pressed tenderly together, their eyes closed.

 She doesn’t want to make it seem like she was spying on her or anything, but Beca wants that photo, “Chlo, can you send me that?”

 The red head nods, now looking at her, “Of course.”

 Beca feels her phone vibrate in her back pocket and she pulls it out, immediately saving the picture and setting it as her lock screen wallpaper. She looks back over at Chloe and notices she’s doing the same thing.

 When the parade ends and people start dispersing, Chloe and Beca join hands and start walking back towards the apartment. There’s a new energy between them, Beca has a hard time putting her finger on it, but it feels electric. Just the touch of their legs next to each other as they sit on the subway, or their way their fingers lace together as they walk, sends sparks coursing through her. Maybe it’s because she knows what it’s like to kiss Chloe now or the anticipation or possibly becoming even closer. She’s not sure what’s going to happen when they get back home, but she’s excited to find out.

 It seems like years before they’re finally walking up the steps to their apartment. Beca slides the keys out of her pocket and opens the door. Both women are exhausted, but still riding the high of the energy from the parade. There are still little flakes of confetti caught in strands of their hair and smiles glued to their faces.

 Chloe slides her tutu down, so she’s just in her crop top and shorts now, “As cute as that was, it was kind of a pain.”

 “Yea it was worth it though, you looked really cute,” Beca’s face flushes at her comment, it’s like she’s not even in control of herself today.

 It doesn’t seem to phase Chloe though, who is stepping closer and closer to Beca, a glint in her eye, “You did too.”

 The older girl is standing so close to her now, she can feel her breath on her face. Chloe starts to lean forward, her intent clear, but Beca moves away before their lips can connect.

 “Wait Chloe,” she didn’t want to, but she has to know what this all means first.

 “Did I misread what happened back there?” Chloe looks confused and a little hurt.

 “Why did you kiss me back…what does it mean?” Beca asks clueless.

 Chloe looks like she’s going to laugh, “You really are dense sometimes Beca.”

 “What?” Beca blurts still confused.

 “I like you Beca. I’ve liked you for so long it’s not even funny and when you kissed me I thought you had finally gotten the message,” Chloe explains as calmly as she can, but Beca can feel the emotion behind her words.

 Chloe likes her. It takes a moment for the words to actually sink in, but when they do, Beca flies back forwards to close the distance between them again.

 Their faces are inches from each other’s again, before Beca kisses her she whispers against her mouth, “I love you.”

 Chloe gasps in surprise, but the sound is swallowed up by the force of Beca’s lips against hers. The kiss is all consuming and passionate and nothing like the one they shared at the parade that afternoon. Beca feels herself being guided backwards, until Chloe is lying on top of her on the mattress. The fire blazes around them until they are in the middle of their shared pull out sofa bed, clothes splayed around the room, bare skin on bare skin. Chloe’s body glitter is now over both of them and the bed sheets, a constant reminder of the day they had.

 As they shake together in the aftershocks of their pleasure, sparkling limbs a tangled mess, Chloe finally breathily whispers to Beca the words she was waiting to hear, “I love you too.”

[dinosaurtsukki]

across the sea | a bokuaka fanfic (act. II)

inspired by the movie ‘portrait of a lady on fire’ by celine sciamma which is sad and lesbian

pairing: bokuto koutarou x akaashi keiji

word count: 21.8k words

contains: historical setting (actually the setting is vague bec if i tried to describe it more it would take 5 extra pages), heavy angst, slight fluff, greek mythology references, implied smut

summary: when Bokuto accepted a portrait commission for the young, engaged Akaashi Keiji, he never expected him to be so beautiful. he knows it's a mistake to be attached, a mistake for them to fall in love in a time when they know it's impossible for them to be together.

a/n: i’m a sad gay who loves sad lesbian movies and portait of a lady on fire is peak film. a lot of the things here are based on the film so i suggest you check out this beautiful movie, but i added a few tweaks here and there to make it my own.

chapters: act. I, act. II., act. III

The next day, Bokuto found Akaashi in the kitchen, of all places, kneading what appeared to be a bread dough next to a distressed looking Kageyama. Bokuto paused for a while, standing by the kitchen door with his arms crossed and a smile on his face, as he watched the young master, who was probably forbidden from working in the kitchen, and the house butler, who was probably worried there were repercussions for allowing Akaashi to do what he was doing.

“Akaashi-san, please allow me to take over from here,” Kageyama pressed.

“Nonsense,” Akaashi chuckled. “I never knew bread-making was this fun. And the dough texture isn’t even near what you described.” Just then, Kageyama had discovered Bokuto was already there.

“Bokuto-san! Please tell Akaashi-san that I can handle preparing breakfast myself!” he demanded. Akaashi lifted his head slightly to greet him.

“Good morning, Bokuto-san. I hope I’ll be able to make you a good enough breakfast with my limited cooking skills.”

“I’ll be making breakfast!”

Bokuto chuckled and approached the wooden table where they were walking. “Kageyama’s right you know. You shouldn’t be the only one making breakfast.”

“Right,” Kageyama nodded. A look of slight annoyance crossed Akaashi’s features. Up close, Bokuto see that a corner of his cheek and a bit of his brow was streaked with flour.

“In fact, I should be helping Akaashi out!” Bokuto grinned cheekily at an even more flustered Kageyama. “Come on Kageyama. Sit this one out just this once. We won’t burn down anything. Promise.”

“And as owner of the estate, I demand that I get to cook breakfast in my own kitchen,” Akaashi backed him up.

“Alright, I guess I’ll sweep every inch of the manor,” Kageyama huffed.

“Nope, not even that,” Akaashi shook his head. “Don’t you have some kind of hobby?”

“Well… I,” Kageyama cleared his throat and looked away with a slight flush in his cheeks. “I suppose I can work on my embroidery.”

“That’s the spirit,” Bokuto grinned. Akaashi had finished kneading the dough and was now shaping it into a bowl on a wooden board. “I’ll scrounge up something to fry,” he said, heading into the larder. A moment later, he came up with some unsliced bacon and a basket of eggs.

“That should go well with the bread,” Akaashi remarked as he slid the unbaked dough into the oven before dusting off his floury hands on his apron. Seeing him without his usual jacket and scarf with the sleeves on his shirt rolled up had a certain charm that stopped Bokuto from looking away as much as he should.

“Would you like to do the frying?” he asked, plucking a knife from where the kitchen utensils were to slice the bacon into thick strips.

“You’ll have to show me how first,” Akaashi said. After slicing the bacon, Bokuto ignited the stove and instructed Akaashi to place a pan over it. As it turns out, Akaashi was a quick learner, even with Bokuto as a mediocre cook and instructor, and in a short while, all the bacon had been fried perfectly and all he had left to do was to crack eggs one by one into the pan.

“You’re not that bad of a cook yourself, Akaashi,” Bokuto commented. The two of them were standing next to each other by the stove, barely inches apart.

“If I’d have known I should have told my mother earlier,” Akaashi smiled wryly. “I feel guilty for saying this but I’m glad she isn’t around. I wouldn’t be here cooking bacon and eggs if she was.”

“Well, not be an instigator but…” Bokuto shot a sidelong glance at him. “Would you want to… do some things you wouldn’t be able to do?” Akaashi raised his eyebrows at him.

“I’m surprised you didn’t think I was already planning to do such things.”

After the bread finished baking and the eggs finished frying, they lay their breakfast out on the kitchen table and brought out plates and forks for everyone. Kageyama, who seemed to have finished a good amount of his embroidery and was no longer distressed, thanked them for the breakfast. Bokuto couldn’t help but watch Akaashi eat with his hands: picking up bacon with his fingers and mopping up egg yolk with bread. His master told him that hands were the hardest things to sketch so Bokuto spent an entire year on hands until sketching them became second-nature to him.

After finishing breakfast, Akaashi met Bokuto again in the dining room to continue the portrait. This time, Bokuto decided to paint more slowly, taking the opportunity to perfect mixing his colors. He hadn’t foreseen needing to paint a second portrait so he noticed that he was running low on oil. ‘I could ask Kageyama to buy some for me from the town nearby,’ he thought, before glancing up at Akaashi. ‘Unless…’

“What are you thinking about Bokuto-san?” Akaashi spoke up, as if reading Bokuto’s thoughts.

“I, uh…” Bokuto stammered. Akaashi cocked his head.

“You had that look on your face again,” he said.

“What look?”

“The one where you’re deep in thought and you raise your left hand to your chin,” Akaasi smirked as Bokuto realized that he was in fact holding that pose. “I do have an excellent view of how you work from here and while I’m not adept at painting, a lot of your habits have been noted down in my mind.”

“Most subjects wouldn’t even pay any mind to the painter,” Bokuto raised his eyebrows.

“You’re not just a painter,” Akaashi said simply. “Back to my question, what are you thinking about?”

“Well, since I didn’t prepare for painting two portraits during my stay here, I seem to have run out of oil,” he sighed, rubbing the back of his hair, no doubt leaving streaks of paint there, not that he particularly cared. “I was thinking about asking Kageyama to pick some up for me at the town tomorrow, but I’m also curious about the town here.”

“So am I, I’ve never been,” Akaashi said. Bokuto felt a smile play on his lips.

“Your tone suggests that you know exactly what I’m planning.”

“Kageyama would forbid it.”

“As if that’s going to stop you, Akaashi.”

“You know me well,” Akaashi chuckled. It sounded like music to Bokuto’s ears. “Are you always this chatty with the people you paint?”

“I do try to get into some casual conversation to put the model at ease,” Bokuto said, dipping his paintbrush in a lighter color to highlight the edges around the portrait. “And I can’t imagine how boring it must be for them to have to sit completely still for hours.”

“Just out of curiosity,” Akaashi cleared his throat. “Have you ever had to paint nude models?”

Bokuto chuckled. “Almost everyone asks that. And yes, I did. My master sent me to classes on nude painting with live models in front of us. Though, it’s not as erotic as most people think. At one point, while painting a woman, I found myself sobbing because it had been more than an hour and I couldn’t get the shadows right and I had run out of paint.” Akaashi laughed again.

“That certainly clears up a lot of mystery,” he said. “Although, I can’t imagine you a sobbing mess.”

“Oh, I was very moody growing up,” Bokuto grinned. “I’d easily feel down when I couldn’t do something right. And that was often.”

“How did you readjust your mindset?”

“Well, I took a step back to look at how far I’ve come. Once I remembered that years ago, I couldn’t even sketch an apple but had reached a point when I can paint one in less than 10 minutes, I knew I could do so much more with practice. And now, I’m here.”

“Now, you’re here,” Akaashi smiled. And Bokuto knew there wasn’t any place he’d rather be.

That night, they convinced Kageyama to let them go to town the next day and that Bokuto would know doubt watch over him and that they wouldn’t let Mikoto-san know. Kageyama agreed, and the next day, after breakfast that was once again cooked by Akaashi and Bokuto, the three of them headed out to town. Something about the day and occasion made Bokuto bring out his nicest shirt which was powder blue in color, with pristine, white buttons. Akaashi looked more casual in his appearance than usual dressed in suspenders and a light, cotton shirt that he had left unbuttoned from his chin to the top part of his chest.

The town near the estate was quite different from the ones Bokuto visited in the city. For one, it was much cleaner, less-populated, and less noisy. Most of the houses and buildings were low, at most three floors in height, and the pathways around town were in cobblestone. The townspeople however, were busy and hard at work preparing for what seemed to be a summer festival. ‘It is the first of May,’ Bokuto remembered and paused during their walk to watch a group of men erect a tall, twelve-foot maypole that had colored ribbons tied around it. Bokuto took a mental image in his head of the scene, eager to recreate it.

“It’s a May Day Eve festival,” Akaashi said, standing beside Bokuto. “Right, Kageyama?”

“Yes sir,” he nodded.

“Have you ever been to one?”

“My hometown celebrates it,” he said, a faint smile crossing his face. “We have a similar way of celebrating as the people here, actually. There will be stands serving blackberry wine and cold drinks. Special stew and fried food made with fresh, summer vegetables. The flower sellers would be weaving flower crowns and selling them for people to wear. And at night, the dances will begin.”

“Is it true that the young girls dance around the maypole?” Akaashi asked.

“Yes. It is a sight to see,” Kageyama nodded.

“If that is so, maybe we should stick around to witness it,” he said. Bokuto raised an eyebrow and smiled at the suggestion.

“But—”

“Come on, Kageyama. Even you want to stick around,” Akaashi nudged him, smiling playfully. “My mother is a boat ride away. The worst thing that can happen is that I get the flu again.”

“We’ll return home before midnight,” Bokuto added. A conflicted look came upon Kageyama’s face.

“Eleven o’ clock,” he finally said.

“Deal!” Akaashi said quickly before turning to Bokuto. “Now, where to?”

The festival was still hours away from starting so after Bokuto purchased his oil, the three of them roamed around town, being dragged off to wherever Akaashi pleased. But neither Bokuto nor Kageyama minded much, seeing as how happy Akaashi was to finally get a glimpse of the outside world. They visited dress shops, groceries, a woodworker’s studio, and florist’s shops where people had already begun making flower crowns. They lingered in a shop selling fabrics and yarns where Kageyama had perused and bought different threads for his embroidery before passing by a bakery to buy bread for lunch.

By the time the sun was close to setting, the town had come to life as the May Day Eve festival began. The town was lit with lanterns everywhere and a bonfire in the town square. “Well, it has started. Anything you want to do first?” Bokuto asked Akaashi.

“Well, the blackberry wine seems interesting,” Akaashi said, looking at one of the stalls.

“Have you ever drunk alcohol before?” Bokuto asked.

“I have the occasional glass of wine when my mother lets me.”

“Just, make sure not to get too drunk,” Kageyama muttered. But Bokuto was feeling mischievous and he was curious as to how a tipsy Akaashi looked like.

“You heard him, Akaashi. Let’s drink to our heart’s content!” he cheered, slinging an arm around Akaashi’s shoulder as they made their way to the stall with Kageyama following behind them. Bokuto had never tried blackberry wine but it was much cheaper than usual wine and sold by the bottle. He bought all of them one each. The wine was sweet, much sweeter than grape wine, but packed more of a punch. Kageyama only finished half of his bottle before retiring to one of the benches to sit down and most likely take a nap, leaving Bokuto and Akaashi to roam around the different stalls by themselves. They passed the rest of Kageyama’s wine between them and Bokuto was highly conscious of the fact that their lips were touching the same bottle. Bokuto knew that at some point, he’d have to stop drinking if he wanted to make it home with Akaashi and Kageyama, but it was a summer night and summer nights were dangerous and recklessness hummed through the air and Akaashi’s smile was dangerous and his hands were warm, and both of them ended up visiting the blackberry wine stall a few times.

By their third bottle, Bokuto found himself standing to the side and watching Akaashi peruse the flower crowns being sold by a vendor. Both of them were sweating from the summer heat and Bokuto could see that Akaashi’s cheeks were especially flushed by the alcohol. “Bokuto-san, how does this look?” Akaashi asked, looking up at him with a daisy crown on his head. Bokuto chuckled, noting that Akaashi seemed to be a bold, impulsive kind of drunk.

“This suits you better,” he said, gently removing the daisy crown and placing one of golden chrysanthemums on Akaashi’s head. “The gold brings out the green in your eyes.”

“You sure seem to like looking at them,” Akaashi scoffed. Bokuto could tell he was teasing him. The blackberry wine made him bold too, and two could play at that game.

“I’m supposed to. I’m your painter, aren’t I?” he raised an eyebrow, nearing closer to Akaashi’s face. By the way his eyes darted, he was caught off-guard for a second, but quickly regained his footing. Just as he was about to respond, a loud call echoed throughout the square.

“The maypole dance is beginning now. If you would like to join, come up front,” a young man yelled. Almost immediately after, people began skipping over to the maypole to claim one of its long, colored ribbons, most of them being young girls. But there were a couple of men as well.

“You should join,” Bokuto blurted out, nudging Akaashi with his shoulder. “To make the most of your May Day Eve festival experience.”

“You think so? What if I get the dance wrong?” Akaashi asked.

“You won’t,” Bokuto grinned.

“Alright,” Akaashi agreed, stepping forward, and turning around to say “But your eyes better be only on me,” he said, fixing Bokuto once again with that piercing stare of his. ‘Dangerous, dangerous,’ the insides of Bokuto hummed but he could only nod and watch Akaashi walk over to the maypole to claim a ribbon. He held it in his hand, taking position with the rest of the dancers. When the music began, Akaashi keenly observed the dancers’ movements, moving slowly at first to copy them, before slowly gaining confidence to not have to look at the others around him. As he danced close to the maypole before spinning outwards, Akaashi caught Bokuto in his gaze once again for one second, before smirking and turning around. Again and again, their eyes would meet, almost as if Akaashi was making sure Bokuto was looking at only him. ‘No, he’s definitely doing that on purpose,’ he said to himself. But with the way Akaashi looked tonight, he shouldn’t have even been worried about Bokuto looking at other people in the first place. His movements were graceful and elegant, especially for someone who had just learned the dance a few minutes ago, and the light from the lanterns and bonfire nearby made his tanned skin appear to glow.

Finally, the dance ended and Akaashi rejoined Bokuto. He was flushed, breathless, and his clothes were in disarray, but he looked more alive than Bokuto had ever seen him. “How was I?” he asked.

“It was as if you were on fire,” Bokuto answered.

They rejoined Kageyama by one of the benches and headed home, occasionally laughing and jostling each other like the young men on the way to serenade a woman. Only, Bokuto had never in his life been interested in women. Not even the most beautiful models that he had encountered during his apprenticeship. Rather, he found himself more drawn to men: those in famous paintings recreating Greek myths and stories from the Bible. His first time had been with a male model he had been working with. It was no secret among painters that homosexual relationships do occur, but it was scandalous enough to be kept secret and away from prying eyes.

Except now, Bokuto could tell that something was different about his feelings for Akaashi, the same way he knew to destroy his first portrait of him and delay the wedding. As a painter, Bokuto was only ever concerned about whether his paintings captured every lifelike detail of the model. But as he progressed through the portrait, he found himself constantly wondering whether Akaashi would accept the final product as a reproduction of himself. Bokuto found himself hating Mikoto-san and Akaashi’s arranged suitor, wherever in the world she was. How could they expect Akaashi to be married to someone who only saw a portrait of him? Especially one created by someone who had actual feelings for Akaashi.

“Akaashi-san, please be careful,” Kageyama said, helping up his master who had tripped once again inside the house. The alcohol seemed to have taken full effect as Akaashi could barely stand and his eyelids kept drooping. Kageyama put an arm around him and attempted to help him to the stairs.

“I can do that,” Bokuto volunteered, quickly lifting Akaashi in his arms. He weighed very little, most likely because of how sickly he was, and he groaned a reply before leaning his head against Bokuto’s chest. “It’s alright, Kageyama. I’ll put him to bed.”

“Alright, you can definitely handle him,” Kageyama nodded. “Well, good night, Bokuto-san,” he bowed, before leaving for his own quarters.

“Mmm… tired…” Akaashi mumbled.

“I know, I know. I’m getting you to bed now,” Bokuto said gently before going up the stairs. He struggled a bit with getting the bedroom door open with one hand before finally making it inside. Gently, he lay Akaashi down on his bed and lit the oil lamp on his bedside table to prevent himself from bumping into anything. Akaashi was still wearing the flower crown and Bokuto plucked it from his head and lay it gently on the table when Akaashi stirred awake.

“Bokuto-san,” he blinked, sitting up.

“You’re in your room now,” Bokuto smiled, lifting the blankets to tuck Akaashi in. “I’m guessing this is the first time you’ve gotten drunk.”

“How could you tell?” Akaashi raised an eyebrow.

“I can’t believe you’re still like this even though you’re drunk,” Bokuto chuckled and shook his head.

“This was the best day I’ve ever had,” Akaashi sighed happily, looking up at Bokuto with sleepy eyes. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” And, without him thinking, Bokuto found himself bending closer to Akaashi and gently stroking the side of his face. To his surprise, Akaashi didn’t pull away, rather, he raised a hand to press Bokuto’s against his cheek. It felt as if there was something he should say at this point, and so he said “You were an amazing dancer.” His voice was surprisingly hoarse and deep, even in his own ears.

“And you kept your eyes on only me,” Akaashi whispered in return, he was sitting up on his elbows and their faces were even closer.

“How could I not? You were the most beautiful one there.”

Bokuto had always read that summer evenings were wonderful, magical, and passionate. A time when the impossible crosses into the realm of the possible But, they were also dangerous. As dangerous as the look in Akaashi’s eyes, as dangerous as the heat that radiated outside and inside Bokuto. Not only were summer evenings dangerous because of the air of recklessness and impulse, but because anything good that happened lasted dangerously short. ‘I’m going to regret this someday,’ Bokuto knew. He could tell Akaashi knew. But that still didn’t stop them from closing the distance between their lips, for Bokuto to instinctively wraps his arms around Akaashi to pull him closer, for Akaashi to, in turn, wrap his arms around Bokuto’s neck. It was a kiss as passionate and dangerous as a summer evening, but nowhere near as short. When they emerged, both of them were as breathless as the maypole dancers.

Bokuto sucked in a breath and stood up, swallowing hard. Akaashi was wide-eyed, seemingly snapped out of the drunken state he was in. “I…” Bokuto stammered. “Should I…?”

“I think, it’s time we said good night now, Bokuto-san,” Akaashi nodded, sounding back to his rational self. Bokuto couldn’t agree more, muttering a hasty ‘good night’ before leaving the room, the summer evening’s kiss still on his lips.

…

Both of them were quiet the next day, even during breakfast that Kageyama woke up, earlier than both of them because he wasn’t hungover, to make. Bokuto couldn’t help but glance up sat Akaashi as he nursed his cup of strong, black coffee, only to find the young man distractedly looking out the window. ‘He couldn’t have forgotten about last night, could he?’ Bokuto wondered. He wouldn’t help but feel disappointed if Akaashi had. It couldn’t just have been the wine doing the talking, or rather, kissing.

Finally, it came the time for them to work on the portrait. Akaashi came into the dining room dressed once again in the same expensive suit with his hair fixed and yet, Bokuto couldn’t help but remember the wild-eyed, breathless Akaashi from last night. Wordlessly, the Akaashi in front of him sat down, got into his pose, and waited for Bokuto to start. Only, he was only able to get a few strokes of paint in before putting his brush down and confronting Akaashi.

“Are we not going to talk about last night?”

Akaashi’s eyes widened a fraction at the sudden gesture. “I…” he began and trailed off.

“Was it just… the wine?” Bokuto asked, feeling the wave of disappointment begin to wash over. “Because if you think that’s the case—”

“I was scared that you’d think that,” Akaashi suddenly interrupted him. There was a conflicted look on his face. This time, Bokuto waited for his full response. “I may have been drunk but, kissing you, that was fully intentional. I think, I think I wanted to do it for some time.”

“Y-you have?”

“I was just unsure if you felt the same way,” he continued. “That night, when you told me about you being a painter, I wanted to see if you befriended me because you saw me as someone worth being with. And when you said that you did it just to get the job done, I was disappointed.”

“I’m sorry, I lied,” Bokuto sighed. “I was, I didn’t want to finish the painting at that point. I thought it would be better if you hated me and I moved on from this whole thing.”

“But you didn’t finish the painting,” Akaashi said, a smile playing at the corners of his lips. “Why?”

“Because it wasn’t you I painted. It was so different from the you I know and it didn’t feel right for me to turn that portrait in,” Bokuto answered, stepping forward. “Why did you finally choose to pose?” he asked, walking to Akaashi. Although, at that point, the answers were falling into place.

“Because I didn’t want you to leave. I wasn’t ready for you to leave,” Akaashi said, his smile growing until Bokuto stopped in front of him.

“I’m here now.”

“I know.”

“Can I kiss you again?”

“You know the answer to that.”

And Bokuto did. Bending down, he cupped Akaashi’s face in his hands and kissed him. Gentler this time, gentler than their summer evening kiss last night. He felt Akaashi’s hands on the sides of his waist, clutching at his shirt as if he was scared of him letting go. Bokuto gently circled his thumb on Akaashi’s cheek, as if to say ‘don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere,’ and the grip on his shirt relaxed. It didn’t matter that what they were doing was taboo or that Akaashi was engaged. In this estate, one that villagers didn’t visit and was bordered by the sea, no eyes were on them. They were in a world of their own.

“Where have you been all my life, Bokuto-san?” Akaashi murmured once they parted, their foreheads pressed against each other. “It’s strange. One of the reasons why I’ve never run away from this place despite the engagement and the constraining feeling is because it felt as if I would get a moment of liberty if I just waited. And it has come, in the form of you.”

“I don’t know about that. All I know is you’re the most beautiful and hardest thing I’ve ever had to paint,” Bokuto whispered.

“That beautiful?” Akaashi laughed, his breath tickling Bokuto’s nose.

“They say you’re more beautiful than your suitor.”

“Who’s they?”

“The ferryman of the boat I came here in,” Bokuto chuckled and stood up.

“Is it true?” Akaashi raised an eyebrow.

“You are a self-indulgent man, did you know that?”

“And you are the one who indulges me,” Akaashi grinned. “I don’t feel like posing for the portrait today,” he sighed. “Can’t we do something else.”

“We did something else yesterday,” Bokuto said. “But I think an extra day can’t hurt,” he smiled.

“Can we go to the beach again?” Akaashi brightened.

“Of course,” Bokuto chuckled.                                

This time, when they walked to the beach, they walked hand in hand, laughing and talking, stopping once or twice to kiss again. Years later, Bokuto would find himself unable to recall what it is they were talking about and instead, remembering only sights and sensations, which was more than enough for him. By the time they reached the beach, instead of Akaashi exploring the tide pools and wading in the water with Bokuto sketching in secret, they both sat down in the sand and spread their jackets out to lie on. Akaashi rest his head on Bokuto’s lap and handed him the volume of Greek Mythology book that he had snuck out.

“Read it to me again,” he said.

“Demanding, are we?” Bokuto raised an eyebrow but opened the book nonetheless.

“Of course,” Akaashi smiled and closed his eyes.

“Any particular story you have in mind?” he asked, thumbing through the pages.

“Look for what interests you,” Akaashi waved. Bokuto shrugged and went through the book until he came across a beautifully illustrated picture of a man staring at his reflection.

“The Myth of Narcissus,” he read aloud. “Am I saying the name right?”

“Yes,” Akaashi nodded. “Read on.”

And so Bokuto read aloud, feeling much more confident now than when he first read to Akaashi. Maybe its because he knew that the young man lying on his lap enjoyed the sound of his voice, something Bokuto never thought he’d bring. After a good half hour of reading, Bokuto himself felt tired and lay back in the sand. “Your turn,” he nudged Akaashi’s shoulder gently.

“Me?” he sat up, smiling sleepily at him before laying down on his chest with the top of his hair tickling Bokuto’s chin. It was a welcome, warm, weight on his chest and Bokuto circled an arm around Akaashi’s shoulder, pulling him close.

“Tell me a story.”

“Another Greek myth?” Akaashi asked. “Which one do you want to hear? I don’t even need to read aloud from this book.”

“Hmm well then. I’ve never really understood that epic poem. The one about Troy with Achilles and Hector,” Bokuto said. “I tried to read it once to study on Greek myths since they were so popular with painting commissions but it gave me a headache.”

“Ah, the Iliad,” Akaashi said. “Well, I’ve read about a million times. You’ve come to the right person.” Bokuto planted a kiss on his forehead. “There are many ways to start the story, but I like to take it back to when the goddesses Hera, Athena, and Aphrodite appeared in front of a poor boy named Paris.” And so, Akaashi told the story of the Iliad. His voice was nice and calming, enough to make Bokuto’s eyelids grow heavy, but engaging enough to keep him awake. Akaashi colored the tale with his own inserts and opinions, sometimes going to into detail about a particular hero’s story. And then, they came across the part of the story when Achilles had heard of Patroclus’ death.

“According to the story, he mourned for days and days on end for his dead lover,” Akaashi told.

“Wait, his lover?” Bokuto jerked his head up in surprise. “No one told me that his lover was Patroclus.”

“Well, in most translated versions of the text they describe Patroclus as a companion and a close friend. In the original text however—”

“Wait, you know Greek?” Bokuto sat up, disturbing Akaashi from his resting place. Akaashi raised an eyebrow at him.

“I can speak quite a few languages, Bokuto-san. I didn’t just twiddle my thumbs right here.”

“I should have known then,” Bokuto chuckled. “Anyway, you were saying…”

“Right. In the original Greek text, or as much was restored of it anyway, Patroclus is described as Achilles’ lover. And in fact, homosexuality was quite normal in Greece. There was a special troop of soldiers who fought in pairs with their beloved. They say they were won of the best fighters out there, because they always fought for their beloved. Additionally, it was believed that unions of the same sex were the only true kind of romantic love since it is not based on procreation unlike that of a man and a woman. And let’s not forget Sappho’s poetry and the Island of Lesbos,” Akaashi enumerated.

“Wow. So, why have I never heard of it before?” Bokuto said.

“The usual. The Christianized, civilized societies frown upon the practice so they conceal it in the translations,” Akaashi shrugged. “But I’ve always liked Achilles and Patroclus.”

“It’s all the more tragic then,” Bokuto sighed.                                      

“Yes, but upon Patroclus’ death, Achilles wished for his ashes, when he died, to be buried with Patroclus’. So that they’d meet in the Underworld even after he died,” Akaashi smiled wistfully.

“So, that was after Achilles got shot in the heel, right?”

“You’re skipping ahead,” Akaashi nudged him.

“Tell me the rest of the story then,” Bokuto nudged him back.

“It’s getting dark,” Akaashi shook his head. And true enough, Bokuto looked up to find that the sun was just about to set. He always loved watching for sunsets and yet, he didn’t notice it.

“Tomorrow then,” Bokuto pouted slightly and stood up, dusting the sand off his trousers before picking up his and Akaashi’s jackets.

“Unless… you would be content with reading by the fireside in my room.” Akaashi had said it almost nonchalantly but even in the dim light, Bokuto could catch the hopefulness in his gaze. And who was he to refuse?

“Alright. But let’s have dinner first. I think we’ve worried Kageyama to death staying outside this long.”

Although, it seemed that Kageyama wasn’t worried one bit as he was doing his embroidery by the small fireplace in the kitchen when they came in. Bokuto wondered if Kageyama was doubtful of how much time Akaashia and Bokuto had spent together that day that wasn’t related to the portrait. Either he wasn’t that perceptive or he just didn’t care. Akaashi and Bokuto finished dinner quickly and locked themselves in Akaashi’s room. Instead of going to bed, he stretched out on the carpet by the fireplace and patted the spot next to him. ‘Just like the beach,’ Bokuto thought with a smile and stretched out across the carpet with his head tucked on Akaashi’s lap. He closed his eyes and felt a hand gently run through his hair.

“Aren’t you going to continue the story?” Bokuto mumbled.

“I may have decided to preoccupy myself with,” Akaashi hummed and Bokuto felt fingers lightly skim over his cheeks and forehead and down his nose. “I wish I had your eye and skill to capture a subject through a painting.”

“How do you know I have skills with painting? The first portrait was a ruined one and you haven’t even looked at the one I’m painting now.”

“I just know,” he felt Akaashi shrug. “What goes on in your head when you paint me?”

“Well,” Bokuto opened his eyes to look up at him. “First, I sketch a basic outline on the canvas, just so I know where everything is in relation to each other. And then, I pencil in your features. You have really delicate features so I try to keep a light hand,” he said, raising his hand to brush against Akaashi’s cheek. “And I spend as much time as I want to on your hands.”

“And then?”

“Then I start mixing my colors. That was always my favorite part when it came to learning how to paint. It’s how my master trained me too. I would sit for hours scrutinizing something and mixing the right shade,” Bokuto chuckled at the memory. “I take my time too when I mix the color of your skin. Browns and yellows and a bit of red. And then I make different shades from that color with white or mixing in a bit more brown for shadows, and a bit more red for that healthy flush on your cheeks.”

“At least I look healthy in my portrait,” Akaashi said dryly.

“You look absolutely stunning in your portrait,” Bokuto laughed as Akaashi playfully swatted at him.

“Once I have your healthy complexion, I move on to other bits. Like mixing the perfect color and shades to match your green robe. The dark brown for your hair. And then I paint it all in, adding colors and blending in shades so that it looks as realistic as possible. And by far,” Bokuto ran the crook of his finger near Akaashi’s temple. “Your eyes are my favorite thing to paint. Actually, I could spend hours just looking at you and sketching you.”

“Haven’t you already?” Akaashi smiled.

“Eveything I’m doing now feels slightly different though. I guess it’s quite task having to paint someone you love.”

The word left Bokuto’s mouth before he even knew what he was saying. He could feel Akaashi tense slightly under him and he sat up quickly. “I—I didn’t mean, I mean I did but—I’m sorry, let’s pretend that never happened,” he stammered, seeing the shocked expression on Akaashi’s face.

“There’s no need for you to apologize,” he shook his head with a slight laugh. “Actually, I thought I was the crazy one for thinking that.”

“Wait, you mean…?”

“Would it be crazy for me to say that I think I’ve loved you ever since the day we first met?” Akaashi asked. “I know it sounds crazy, but I’ve always had the feeling that you were someone I’ve always known would come into my life.”

‘What a naïve thing to think,’ was what Bokuto knew he and Akaashi were thinking of. But Bokuto had also witnessed it happening. There were friends he knew back at the studio or met in bars who would talk about the ease they felt when falling in love. ‘I’ve been with many women before, but this one felt coming home after a long journey,’ one friend had told him.

“When you think about it, what were the chances of me being chosen to paint you, out of all other painters? What were the chances of me having to paint you, out of all other subjects? What were the chances of me arriving here safely out of all the accidents that occur at sea? What were the chances of the days we’ve spent here happening smoothly in perfect succession out of all other outcomes?” Bokuto said. He saw his questions answered in the look on Akaashi’s faces. “Maybe we were meant to meet each other.”

With that, Akaashi leaned in close to kiss him again, and again, and again. It was no longer that summer night kiss but one of longing and elation of having met and knowing that they were both on the same page. Bokuto could feel Akaashi’s hands cupping his face and sliding down his torso, thumbs hesitating near the buttons of his shirt until Bokuto permitted them to undo each one. Meanwhile, his kisses trailed down from Akaashi’s mouth to the side of his jaw, down to his neck, and in the center of his collarbone, just under his throat, lingering like a question mark. Akaashi adjusted his position, lying back onto the carpet, and slowly undid the buttons of his shirt, baring his chest.

“I’m yours… Koutarou,” Akaashi whispered, beckoning him closer. Bokuto ran a finger tip down from Akaashi’s throat and down to his sternum. For once, he couldn’t imagine sketching nor painting this scene because there was no way it would be complete without the warmth and heat in their stares and beneath their fingertips. Sometime after Bokuto leaned down to kiss Akaashi and before they fell asleep in each other’s arms with only a thin blanket pulled from the bed to cover them, the image of the ghostly figure of Akaashi that Bokuto saw a few nights ago flashed in his mind.

…

The next few days were spent like so: Akaashi would pose and Bokuto would work on the portrait for a few hours each day before they’d go to the beach, or walk through the fields, or stroll through the town. At night, after dinner, they’d retire to Akaashi’s room with the door locked and their clothes ending up on the floor on more than a few occasions. Bokuto had never been happier waking up feeling Akaashi buries his face in the crook of his neck or waking up in the same position they had fallen asleep in when morning came. He’d always wake up before Akaashi did and held him tightly in his arms, praying that the sun would rise a bit more slowly or that Kageyama would wake up a bit later each day.

And the portrait was almost finished. Bokuto could feel himself subconsciously painting less each day or tweaking things like changing the color or painting over a finger again. He remembered one of the stories that Akaashi told him about Odysseus’ wife, Penelope, who had been left in their home island when he went to fight in the Trojan war. She was courted by many suitors and in order to delay having to marry someone until her husband came back, she excused herself by weaving her bridal train and unraveling the works she made each night. In the end, it felt pointless because delaying the portrait wasn’t going to do anything. Akaashi’s mother would return in a few days and leaving the portrait unfinished would just leave Bokuto without a job and having to cross the sea to go back home.

Bokuto took a small brush with a bit of the dark brown color he used to draw in details and scanned the canvas for anything left that he could possibly fix only to find nothing else. He was done. Bokuto stepped back and put down his paintbrush and palette.

“Do you need to take a break, Bokuto-san?” Akaashi asked.

“It’s…finished,” Bokuto shook his head. The look of concern on Akaashi’s face dissolved into his usual stoic expression. “Would you, uh, like to have look?”

“Alright,” he nodded, standing up from his chair and walking over to look at the canvas. Bokuto knew that it was a lot better than the previous portrait that he made and destroyed. While looking at it, he couldn’t help but feel that everything about the portrait was truly his because only he could look at it and know that he captured more than Akaashi’s likeness, but everything he had come to know about the young man over the past weeks.

“Is that really how you see me?” Akaashi asked.

“Yes.”

“I look beautiful.”

“You do.”

“Do you think my fiancée would be pleased?” he asked. Bokuto felt a lead weight in his stomach.

“She should be. I could imagine this hanging over your mantle in the parlor.”

“I heard she lives in Kyushu, the place where my Mother is visiting now. It’s quite far from here,” Akaashi kept talking, his voice sounding dead in Bokuto’s ears.

“I’ve never been to Kyushu but my master has. He says its beautiful during the springtime with all the cherry blossoms in bloom. There are wonderful art museums to visit and there’s a local theater nearby that places traditional music ensembles,” Bokuto trailed off when he saw Akaashi looking out of the window where the sea was.

“I know you’re saying all these things to comfort me Bokuto-san, but to me it all just sounds like you’re trying to console me. Like how mothers would talk to their toddlers about giving them a treat to stop them from crying,” Akaashi said.

“What else am I supposed to say, Akaashi?” Bokuto sighed. “You know as well as I do that this can’t last. The hate and the scorn we’ll have to experience. I could lose my credibility. Your family would disown you.”

“Then let’s run away! Can’t we? We could just pack our things and leave on a boat and get out of here,” Akaashi exclaimed. Bokuto saw so much hope in his eyes and was loathe to crush it. The world that he wanted to live in existed in the pages of a book.

“They’re going to do everything to find us. Do you really want us to live our lives on the run? And what will we do when they do? I don’t know if your parents would still force you into an engagement but they’ll throw me in jail for kidnapping you,” Bokuto argued. He didn’t notice that his hands were balled into fists.

“Why does it sound like you’re just willing to let this pass?!” Akaashi suddenly raised his voice, shocking Bokuto. “After all this you’ll still find someone to love and warm your bed, maybe in secret but you’ll still have that chance. Once you hand over that portrait to my mother, there’s nothing more for me!”

Bokuto stepped back. In front of him was the Akaashi who had grown up in a lonely manor surrounded by books, who had seen himself in the love that Achilles and Patroclus shared but knew that it was frowned upon in the world outside, who had purposely delayed his inevitable engagement by putting off any painters who came. “I’m—”

“I need to be alone,” Akaashi cut him off, walking around and past him to leave the dining room. With nothing left to do, Bokuto sat back in his stool and stared at the painting of Akaashi as if it would give him answers. He received no answers, only the knowledge that this may be the best painting he had ever created.

…

Akaashi had locked himself in his room for the rest of the day, and the day after that, so it came as a surprise when Bokuto saw him in the kitchen with Kageyama. The two of them were seated at the table, sifting through grains of rice to find tiny insects, rice weevils, that hid themselves among the grains. Kageyama looked up to greet him first.

“Bokuto-san. Dinner won’t be ready until an hour from now. Do you need anything?” he asked.

“No, it’s alright,” Bokuto shook his head, eyes unable to help themselves from glancing at Akaashi whose head was bent over in his task, before sitting down at the table. “Actually, I’ll give you guys a hand.”

“It’s not an immediate task. Although, I find it quite relaxing to do so,” Kageyama explained.

“I could use some relaxing,” Bokuto nodded, looking down at the bed of rice grains that had been spread out on a large platter made from woven leaves. He spotted a weevil, as small as a rice grain but standing out due to its black color, and picked it out quickly before crushing it in between his fingernails. Akaashi still said nothing.

“The madam is coming back in two days,” Kageyama said. “She didn’t entrust me to check on the portrait but personally I do wonder about how it’s doing.”

“It’s already finished. I think she’ll be happy with it,” Bokuto answered.

“I’ll definitely miss this place,” Kageyama hummed to himself as he sifted absentmindedly through the grains with his fingers. They were long and elegant too, but not as fine or delicate as Akaashi’s was.

“Where will you once we leave?” Akaashi asked, looking sideways at Kageyama. “If ever you need a job, I’m sure I can lend a hand.”

“Thank you, Akaashi-san. Actually, my family comes from Kyushu. My grandfather and older sister run a small bakery and I was thinking of working there from now on until I get bored,” he said.

“That sounds wonderful,” Akaashi gave a small smile. “I’ll be nearby then.”

“I was also thinking of working at a library.”

“A library?”

“Yes,” Kageyama nodded. Bokuto smiled slightly to himself at how chatty Kageyama was being today. Maybe it was all that time they spent talking to him and trying to make breakfast in the kitchen. “My sister works as a governess and she made the effort to teach me how to read and write. Sometimes I…” he glanced at Akaashi and blushed slightly. “Forgive me but, sometimes I borrow a few books from the library to read at night.”

“You don’t need to be ashamed about that,” Akaashi chuckled. “That makes me happy, actually, knowing that I’m not alone reading all those books.”

“I also browsed through your favorite book once. The Greek mythology one…” he added shyly.

“What was your favorite story?”

“The one about Hercules because it sounds so amazing,” Kageyama smiled. “What about you, Akaashi-san?”

“I have a lot of favorites,” Akaashi smiled wryly, picking out a weevil and crushing it between his fingers. “But the one that resounds quite a bit with me now is the myth of Orpheus and Eurydice.”

“I don’t think I’ve read that one.”

“It’s quite the tragic love story, actually,” Akaashi said. This time, when Bokuto looked up, he caught his eye and held his gaze for a few moments. “I could tell it to you if you like.” It was directed not only to Kageyama but to Bokuto as well, so he nodded his head almost imperceptibly.

“Once upon a time, there was a man named Orpheus. He wasn’t a man though, not really, because his father was Apollo, the god of the sun and music and medicine, and his mother was a Muse. Because of that, he was gifted with the art of music. He traveled with a lyre and his voice was so high and sweet that anyone who heard it couldn’t help but stop and look for where the sound was coming from.

“Now, Orpheus fell in love with a woman named Eurydice. But their love didn’t last long for Eurydice died from being bitten by a snake. Orpheus was distraught with the loss of his wife that he resolved to save her. So, he took his lyre, and plucking it with his fingers, he sang a song so beautiful that the ground underneath him opened and he could walk all the way down to the Underworld. He kept singing on the way down and his voice lulled Cerberus to sleep and kept the monsters guarding from attacking him, all the way until he came upon Hades, the God of the Dead and Ruler of the Underworld, and his wife Persephone. And Orpheus sang a song about them that was so beautiful, they both bowed their heads and let him pass to greet the ghost of his dead wife, Eurydice.”

“That sounds beautiful,” Kageyama said.

“But it doesn’t end there,” Akaashi shook his head. “Hades allowed Orpheus to travel to the surface with his wife and for her to come alive once they returned to Earth. But he gave one condition: Orpheus wasn’t allowed to turn around once during their walk on the way up because if he did, Eurydice would return to the Underworld.

“Orpheus agreed to these conditions and set off with Eurydice following behind him. As he neared the surface, his heart was overcome with fear that he was walking alone and longing to see his wife again. And in a single, tragic moment of weakness, he couldn’t help but to turn around to see his wife tumbling back into the darkness.”

Everything was silent for a moment, except for the shifting of fingers through the rice grains. And then, Kageyema spoke up: “That’s pretty foolish of Orpheus to do.”

“Maybe,” Akaashi chuckled. “But there are different versions to the tale. In some, they say that Hades tricked the both of them, not intending for Eurydice to be let go, and so designed an impossible task for them to fulfill. In another, Orpheus instead chooses the memory of Eurydice and so turns around to have one last look at her. And in another, Eurydice knew that the test was impossible in the first place and whispered ‘Turn around’ to see her lover one last time.”

“It’s a tragic story,” Kageyama said. Bokuto silently drew swirling patterns in the rice when Akaashi said,

“All the real ones are.”

…

This time, it was Akaashi who knocked on Bokuto’s bedroom door. It was nighttime, almost an hour until midnight, and they were both far from the shores of sleep. Bokuto wordlessly stepped aside and let Akaashi in. He scanned the surroundings of the room curiously before choosing to sit at the edge of the bed where Bokuto joined him. “I… wanted to apologize,” Akaashi spoke up. His head hung down and he played with his hands on his lap. “It was unfair of me to ask unreasonable things of you when both of us knew where this was eventually going to head. I knew it even before I kissed you. I just… wanted to hope, that’s all.”

“There’s nothing wrong with that. I wanted to hope too,” Bokuto reached over and took Akaashi’s hands in his. “I knew a fellow painter, we both attended classes together, who was caught sleeping with one of our male models. Both of them were kicked out of their respective guilds and blacklisted from ever being able to take commissions or enter another guild. I saw him in the street once with slurs being hurled at him while he begged around for alms.”

“That’s terrible,” Akaashi shook his head. Even recounting that memory left an acidic feeling in Bokuto’s stomach. He felt Akaashi clutch his hand gently with both of his, as if he was cradling a bird, and press it to his chest. Akaashi hung his head down and from the shake of his shoulders and the dampness on Bokuto’s hand, he knew he was crying.

“I don’t see what’s so wrong with us being like this,” he sobbed, his words coming out in hiccupped breaths. “I’ve had to deal with knowing this all my life and the one time I’ve found someone to love, it’s all going to be taken away again.” Bokuto wrapped both of his arms around Akaashi and pulled him close. Akaashi clutched at his arms and buried his teary face on Bokuto’s shoulder.

“I just want you to know that I regret nothing from these last weeks. Nothing at all,” Bokuto felt his own voice breaking.

“I regret locking myself in my room for so long. Who knew that an entire day could be wasted so, so much?” Akaashi hiccupped. Bokuto pulled away and brushed the hair that stuck to Akaashi’s forehead, cupping his face in his hands.

“Let’s make the most of the time we have left then,” he said, leaning in to kiss him. Akaashi’s mouth was soft and warm and wanting as they both fell down into the bed. They rushed through nothing, taking their time memorizing as much as they could of each other’s bodies and as much as they tried to fight it off, sleep came eventually.

…

“You know, you’re probably the only person who’ll ever get to touch me like this,” Akaashi said, breaking the silence of the muggy, summer morning air. It was the day of Mikoto-san’s return and they hadn’t left the bed yet. Bokuto wasn’t sure if he had really slept that night, only that Akaashi was continuously stroking his hair and their breathing fell into the same pace.

“I’m probably the only one who knows how to touch you,” Bokuto rolled over to press his face against Akaashi’s bare chest.

“Yeah, that too,” Akaashi said sarcastically. “If only we could stop time and let things just pass like this.”

“If only, if only,” Bokuto sang, propping himself up by his elbows on the bed to look down at Akaashi. His hair messier than usual, mostly due to Bokuto’s wandering hands, and there were a few marks on his collar bone, also due to Bokuto. He liked seeing him like this and knew he would keep this image in his head to save for his future mornings.

“I could draw you like this,” he mumbled, dragging his fingertip lightly across Akaashi’s cheekbone.

“Then draw me like this,” he smiled.

“Alright. So, I have something to remember you by.” He got out of the bed and walked over to where he kept his sketchbook and drawing charcoals before coming back.

“How do you want me to pose?” Akaashi asked.

“Just like that,” Bokuto smiled up at him as he flipped to a fresh page and started sketching an outline. Akaashi held his position: head propped up with his hand with an elbow on the bed, the curves of his body just barely covered by the thin blanket. Bokuto made sure to capture everything, going in with a heavier hand to make Akaashi’s facial features as stark as possible. He prayed that termites or insects wouldn’t eat at his sketchbook, that the charcoal lines would never fade, that the paper would never tear. Finally, he finished and showed it to Akaashi.

“It’s beautiful,” he smiled, running his fingers on the paper around the sketch, careful not to smudge anything. “Make one for me too. Something to remember you by.”

Bokuto unhooked the small mirror that hung on the wall above where he kept a basin of water for washing his face. Akaashi took it from him and held it steady in front of his chest while Bokuto peered at his reflection in between sketching. He had opened his sketchbook to a fresh page when Akaashi stopped him.

“Wait, can you sketch it here?” he asked, handing over his book of Greek Mythology that had somehow made its way to Bokuto’s nightstand.

“Are you sure?” he asked.

“I’m sure.”

Bokuto thumbed through the pages until he landed on one with a good amount of free space. He had been trained to create self-portraits and could do passable ones. This time, he took extra care in capturing the details of his features. It was the only thing Akaashi would have left of him, so Bokuto wanted to capture himself as accurately as possible. ‘Remember this, and everything that happened here,’ he whispered into his sketch. Finally, he passed the book back to Akaashi.

“Page 57. I’ll remember it,” he smiled, sitting up to kiss Bokuto on the lips. It was sweet and wonderful and made them both long for more, but they knew it was there last. “I’ll always love you. No matter what happens,” Akaashi whispered, taking Bokuto’s hand and pressing his lips against the knuckles. “My beautiful painter.”

After dressing up and going downstairs for breakfast, they passed the time playing chess in the library, barely speaking except for when Akaashi was teaching him how the game was played. Finally, they both heard a knock at the door, the sound of Mikoto and other people coming in, and knew that their time had come.

The rest of the events that happened were a blur for Bokuto. He nodded and smiled as Mikoto gushed over the portrait and praised his skill before sealing the canvas away in a wooden box, much like the one Bokuto traveled with. The sound of nails pounding into the wood to seal it shut made Bokuto think of coffins. Mikoto called Akaashi to his bedroom upstairs to present him with a gift. After making sure the portrait was safe and taken care of, he headed to Akaashi’s room to bid his goodbyes.

Before that though, he clearly remembered Kageyama approaching him to say goodbye. He had said something along the lines of ‘Thank you for coming here. Akaashi-san was happy these past weeks,’ to which he nodded and smiled, giving him a hug before saying his goodbye to him. Bokuto threw his things into his suitcase before finally going to Akaashi’s room.

What happened upstairs wasn’t a blur in his memory either. Bokuto remembered, knocking politely on the door, hearing Mikoto inviting him to come in, going inside to receive his payment from her. He was aware of Akaashi standing in the middle of the room but couldn’t raise his head to meet his eyes. ‘Aren’t you going to say goodbye to me?’ Akaashi had said out loud, calling to him. Bokuto could hear the slight crack in his voice. As much as he knew it would be more painful for him to do so, Bokuto walked forward, his eyes still downcast, to wrap his arms around the man he loved with all his heart. He closed his eyes to remember this last feeling of warmth before quickly disentangling himself and heading out the door.

His own footsteps thundered loudly in his ears, especially because of how little he could see in the dark interior of the manor. Bokuto almost slipped on the carpet but caught himself using the stairway railing. As he reached the bottom of the stairs, he was suddenly aware of another set of footsteps but it was only when he opened the manor’s door that he heard Akaashi speak:

“Turn around.”

He didn’t even need to be told twice. Bokuto turned around to find Akaashi standing in the middle of the parlor, illuminated by the single shaft of light spilling into the slightly ajar doorway, wearing a new, navy blue suit that his mother bought. The suit he was going to wear for his wedding. Akaashi’s eyes betrayed the words ‘Keep this memory.’

Bokuto let out a single, choked sob before leaving the manor, shutting the door, and losing Akaashi to the darkness.

[imagine-avengers]

Biker Part Four- Bucky Barnes Series

4/10 This is part four of my Biker Bucky series. The previous parts can be found on my masterlist, as will the other parts once they come out!

The week seemed to drag on but by Friday Elizabeth was completely settled in. Which is exactly why she had decided that it was finally time to visit her brother and his family. Driving over to Manhattan in Bucky’s truck wasn’t ideal for Elizabeth, as she hadn’t mentioned to her brother that she was in contact with Bucky again. Arriving in Manhattan, Elizabeth showed up at the small café that they had agreed upon.

“Aunt Liz!” Elizabeth heard the voices of the twins that were her brothers children as she entered the café.

“Timothy, Hannah.” Elizabeth grinned at the thirteen-year old’s, before hugging them both. “Gosh I missed you two.” Elizabeth then moved towards the table where her brother Adam and his wife Delilah were sitting. “Adam, Delilah.” Elizabeth hugged Delilah first before turning to her big brother and her eyes immediately filled with tears.

“Stop that, you’re gonna make me cry.” Adam said standing and pulling his sister into a tight hug. “Don’t you dare leave for that long ever again, do you understand me?” Adam pulled away as Elizabeth nodded wiping her tears away. The group sat around the table for an hour chatting before Delilah announced that she had to get the kids to their soccer game, she bid both her husband and his sister goodbye before leaving. “So.” Elizabeth stared at her sad salad in front of her.

“I’ve seen James.” She mentioned. “More than seen, I guess. We’ve talked.” She looked up at her bothers disappointed face. “Don’t look at me like that Adam.” She stated. “You knew damn well that the minute I moved back in four houses away from Steve I’d see James eventually.” She told him as Adam sighed.

“Well I had hoped you’d moved on and wouldn’t continue being involved with a gang that does illegal activities.”

“Adam, the stuck-up lawyer is coming out.” She teased at the fact her brother was a lawyer. “I’m not falling back into my old life Adam.” She told him. “But I do have to accept that I am still in love with James Barnes.” That was the first time since their breakup that Elizabeth admitted that.

“You still love him?” Adam asked as Elizabeth nodded sheepishly. “Lizzie, if you love him, really love him, be with him, hell there wasn’t a week that the man didn’t call me or my office to find out how you were, he clearly still loves you.” Adam stated. “Now, I may not like James Barnes and I never have,”

“That’s because you always lost the fights against him, brother.” Elizabeth grinned as Adam rolled his eyes.

“But he makes you happy and that’s all mom and dad ever wanted.” Adam smiled at his sister. “I have to get back to work, I have a meeting with a client. You need an escort back to the subway?” He asked as the two stood ready to leave.

“Uh no, I drove.” She stated.

“You drove?”

“Yeah, James doesn’t want me taking the subway, so I’m driving his truck as my car basically is totaled.”

“Wait, you’re driving his car?” Adam asked. “Elizabeth, no, you have no clue what he’s been involved in with that,”

“Adam.” Elizabeth cut her brother off. “I guarantee any ‘illegal activity’ is not done in that truck. The only thing even remotely illegal that has happened in that truck was the fact that I lost my virginity in the bed when I was seventeen and we went camping.” She stated causing Adam to groan.

“Lizzie tmi.” He whined causing Elizabeth to laugh.

“Liz.” Elizabeth heard the voice belonging to Clint. Turning with a sigh she nodded to her old friend.

“What’s going on?” Adam asked before Elizabeth could open her mouth. “You wouldn’t just show up here if,” Adam paused when Elizabeth touched her brothers arm.

“What is it Clint?” She asked stepping towards him, knowing the only reason he’d show up in Manhattan would be if something bad had happened. “What happened?” Elizabeth asked grabbing her purse and her coat and kissing her brothers cheek. “I’ll call you alright, love you.” She stated before she and Clint disappeared out the door.

“Nothing happened Liz.” Clint stated as they headed towards her truck. “We need you back in Brooklyn, things are tense with Hydra and it’s best you stay where we can watch you. He doesn’t want you leaving Brooklyn without an escort.”

“So, James sent you to be a babysitter.” She stated as they got to the truck. “You be sure to tell Bucky that you were a good boy, but he can shove it.” She stated before slamming the door of the truck and driving off.

Elizabeth spent the rest of her day angry that Bucky thought she needed to be watched. So, she humored him and stayed in Brooklyn inside her home. She did some cleaning around the house and organized the few medical supplies she had, knowing at some point Bucky or Steve would show up at her door hurt. Before she ventured down the street to visit Peggy. The two talked well past the time the kids went down for bed and up until Steve strolled in around one in the morning, they bid each other goodnight and Steve took her home before heading back to his wife.

Saturday was no different than any other day, Elizabeth sat around the house searching for jobs on the internet. She cleaned her house, cut her back lawn, and even fixed the leaky hose in the backyard before calling it a day and relaxing on the couch with a book. Around one in the afternoon she received a call from Steve letting her know they were having their typical barbeque at Bucky’s place. With a groan, Elizabeth readied herself for the day and took the twenty-minute drive to Bucky’s, walking in well after everyone else had arrived.

The backyard was spacious, you walked in through either the garage that opened to both the driveway and the backyard or through the side gate. In the center was an above ground pool and to the right of it was a small patio area where two separate grills were sat, Clint and Sam manning them. To the left of the pool were a few tables and chairs for everyone to sit at. All around sat the group of bikers, probably thirty to forty, all drinking. There were children running around playing, a group of teens swimming in the pool or playing on their phones, and toddlers playing in the corner where there were some toys set up for them.

“Lizzie!” Steve grinned seeing the girl enter through the side gate holding two cases of beer. “And you brought gifts!” He hugged her before taking the alcohol and passing it off to Thor whom took it and put it in the fridge. “We were afraid you weren’t coming.” He stated grabbing the two cold beers from Thor and handing one to Lizzie before leading her towards where Peggy was sitting on a small couch on the patio talking to Natasha and a few women you didn’t recognize.

“No way to get out of coming Stevie.” Elizabeth teased. “Peggy would have had my ass if I hadn’t shown up here.” She stated as they laughed. “Anyways, I wanted to come.”

“Good good.” He grinned as Elizabeth opened her beer and they neared Peggy, Steve passed Peggy the beer before winking at Elizabeth and disappearing into the crowded backyard.

“Hey gorgeous.” Peggy wiggled her eyebrows at Liz.

“Hey Peg, where are the kids?” She asked falling into the chair across from Peggy and giving a smile to the women around her before taking a drink of her alcohol.

“Sorry, but who are you?” A blonde-haired woman asked as she eyed Elizabeth’s choice in outfit, a white sunflower sundress and white gladiator sandals.

“Elizabeth Smith, and you are?”

“Fiona Gregory. Funny, I’ve never heard of you.” The women sneered as Peggy elbowed her.

“Play nice Fiona, this is Bucky’s girl.” Natasha stated leaning against her own chair. “Besides, she left before you came around. Fiona is with Pietro.” Natasha stated.

“Nice to meet you.” Elizabeth stated glancing around, her eyes unconsciously searching for Bucky.

“He isn’t here yet.” Peggy stated. “Ran out to pick up Becca.” Elizabeth’s head snapped towards Peggy.

“Rebecca is coming?” Elizabeth asked as Peggy nodded.

“Every week.” Fiona stated. “Bucky always goes to get her. You look sick.” Fiona noted as Elizabeth had paled slightly at the mention of Rebecca.

“Rebecca and I aren’t on the best of terms.” Elizabeth stated taking a long drink from her beer.

“What do you mean?” Before Elizabeth could answer Peggy, she was being tackled by Emma and James.

“Aunt Lizzie!” They grinned at her as the others laughed.

“Hey kiddos.”

“Liz Smith.” Rebecca’s voice came from behind. “Thought you weren’t ever coming back.”

“Go play.” Elizabeth ushered her niece and nephew away from her. “Wasn’t planning on it Becs, but things happen.” Elizabeth stood and turned towards the women that was once a sister to her.

“Yeah I heard you got fired. What was it for? Sucking your boss off?” Rebecca asked moving closer to where Elizabeth had been standing.

“You’re hilarious Becca.” Elizabeth said with a deadpan tone. “But as I remember that was actually you.” Rebecca moved towards Elizabeth.

“Rebecca. Enough.” Bucky stated touching his sisters arm before whispering in her ear, she disappeared in the crowd as Bucky stared at Elizabeth before nodding towards the house. The two walked into Bucky’s small living room, still decorated from when the two redecorated months before Elizabeth left.

“You kept them?” She asked scanning the wall of pictures, most of were her and Bucky, others of them and their friends. But the wall was full of memories. “You added some new ones.” She stated, her hand running across one that they had taken after they said their first ‘I love you’ to each other.

“It’s better to hold on to memories when you can’t hold onto a person.” Bucky stated as Elizabeth turned towards him.

“Buck,”

“No, you left for you reasons, I know, trust me.” Bucky stated leaning against the doorway that separated the kitchen and living room.

“You had Clint following me.” She mentioned continuing to look around the room, her eyes stopping at the small painting that hung on the wall, it was of Bucky, Steve, Peggy, and Elizabeth after the boys had taken over the club, Elizabeth had gotten it painted for she and Bucky’s anniversary. “I don’t appreciate it Bucky.”

“I need you safe Liz. There’s been some threats since you came back to town, they know who you are to us.” He told her with a sigh. “Steve and I think it’s best you guys don’t leave Brooklyn.” Bucky moved towards the fridge and grabbed himself a drink.

“You two think it’s best? And whom exactly are you tell me I can’t leave Brooklyn, and how do you plan to stop me?” She asked stepping into the kitchen where Bucky had been drinking his beer.

“I dare you to try leaving Brooklyn, you won’t make it out of city limits.” Bucky told her as Elizabeth smirked.

“And you expect me to stay away from my brother and my family?” She asked. “Adam doesn’t come to Brooklyn anymore, you know that.”

“I don’t care about Adam, Elizabeth!” Bucky’s voice grew before he turned to look at her. “I want you safe, and you can’t be safe where I can’t see you!” Elizabeth took a step away from Bucky as he rose his voice.

“You want me safe, fine. But that’s my family Bucky, my blood, yeah, you guys might be my family but I’m not blocking Adam out of my life because you don’t think it’s safe. If this threat is from Hydra, they know me Buck, they know my family, I won’t be safe if they aren’t.” Elizabeth stated. “Buck you never understood that, you never understood why I had to stand with my family. You of all people know I won’t leave my family behind, not again.”

“You didn’t leave your family behind,”

“No, you pushed them away from me! You pushed him away! You and the damn club! You threatened him,”

“Oh, hold on. Threatened?” Bucky laughed as Elizabeth’s hands were on her waist. “No, your brother borrowed money, he needed to pay it back.”

“And you broke his leg!”

“In my defense that wasn’t necessarily me,”

“No, you just set the order for Clint to do it.” She stated. Their arguing had been heard throughout the yard, thus causing Steve to enter.

“Knock it off!” Steve’s stern voice came up from the sliding glass door. “It wasn’t Bucky’s order for one, it was mine. Your brother, owed us over a hundred grand and was avoiding us.”

“So, you broke his leg? You’re both unbelievable!” She stated throwing her hands up. “If he owed you money you should have come to me about it Steven.”

“Figured you might want to know; he still owes about fifty grand.” Steve stated as Elizabeth groaned.

“I’m leaving, you stop me from leaving Brooklyn and you will never see me again, you got it?” Elizabeth’s eyes landed on Bucky, then Steve. “Stay away from my family, do you understand me, because if you don’t, we’re all done.” Both men nodded before Elizabeth turned and headed out the backdoor and heading towards the truck.

[hooned]

hi jelly! hope you're doing great ♥ i choose 1, 10 & 74 for the sweetheart questions!

beccaaa!!! hiii bb!!! 💙🥰 i am, i am, thank youu so much!!! i just woke up from a brief but vv satisfying sleep!! idk why i'm awake already and tbh i stopped questioning it a long time ago 😂 my sleeping schedule is a mystery even to myself hihi. but here we goo!! yey!! 😚

1. Talk about your first love.

uhm are u ready bb? coz this is going to be a looong one. ✨

ok so i mentioned it briefly here in this ask. so basically, he's a classmate of mine in high school and i met him freshman year where i was a transferee. one thing that i could describe him as was that he's really vv funny. the kind of funny that could crack me up just with one line from him. and he's good, like waaaay good, in playing the guitar. so hmm freshman year we're really just hanging out, playing and exchanging stories together since he's close friend of my best friend. and he somehow ended up sitting right behind me so we always greet each other good mornings and goodbyes. we eat snacks and lunch together. everything was good!! UNTIL!! the summer of that school year happened, when he told me he liked me. YOUR GIRL WAS SPEECHLESS BRUH COZ...it didn't even cross my mind that he would see me like that coz i was never the best looking in our friend group (tho i do have my charms. jelly stop downplaying yourself 2020. 👌🏽) but he said he was serious!! and that he'll prove to me that he is!!

then sophomore year came and that was when he became vvv bold in showing me he likes me. i would always catch him staring, coz he wasn't being discreet about it. he'd always bring an extra umbrella for me (bec. i am one forgetful lass and i never bring umbrellas back in hs), he'd tell me i look pretty, did not deny that he liked me when asked by our classmates and teachers. he was bold in showing his affection. and i know that he's a nice guy. vvv nice. he makes me laugh, he always makes me smile. i like it when he's beside me and my heart flutters when he does anything remotely cute or romantic to me. so i know i'm already falling for him as well. big time.

BUT!!!! here comes the but!!!

we were vvv young at the time. like 14?? 15?? and i was on top of my class, my parents always told me not to focus on boys at the time coz i'm still young. so to cut the story short, my parents does not want me to be in a relationship. at all. and a short intro as to how i was as a teenager: i never break rules. i don't do things that make my parents angry because i am afraid of being reprimanded. so at the time, it was stuck on my mind that no. i can't. we can't. and little by little, that showed in my actions and with how i react to the things he does. i always say no when he asks me out. i don't answer when my classmates and my teachers tease me about him. eventually he caught on. then one afternoon after class, we were on the same spot on the rooftop. and he asked me if it's really impossible — me and him. he told me if i want him to stop, he will.

and bb. when i tell you that was the moment in my life i wanted sooo bad to break all the rules and just tell him the truth. tell him i don't want him to stop. tell him i like him too. coz if i'd risk it all, i would rather risk it all for him....but i was young. and i didn't want to upset my parents. and so i told him yes, he can stop. and wow. his face when he answered, "yeah, i understand." and then he went ahead. suddenly i was left all alone on the rooftop, sun setting, as i felt that painful sensation of something tearing inside me for the first time. my first heart break.

junior year and senior year was even worse coz i had to watch him drift farther and farther away from me. which i understand because he needed to protect himself too. he wants to get over me but we see each other every day, so what he does is talk to me less and less each day. until during senior year, he only talks to me when he needs to. it was sooo painful for the young me. coz i still loved him. loved him like how i did sophomore year. and there i was, crying over my broken heart caused by no one but me.

graduation came and we were all tears and snot. remembering the best four years of our lives. and we were hugging each other one by one. then suddenly i saw him in front of me and realized that may be the last time i'll ever get to see him for a long, long, time. i don't remember who went in for the hug first, and tbh I don't think it's important. i just remember hugging him tight, crying, unspoken words and all. and then just when i was about ti let go, i heard him wish me well, and by the end of it i heard him say he loves me. and that it never changed. AND RIGHT AT THAT MOMENT I WAS THINKING what is there to lose? it's a goodbye hug. so i risked it all and told him i love him too. those were the last words we've ever said to each other.

i've never seen him again ever since. given that i was always away for uni and he was also in a different city following his dreams. so yeah. we never really saw each other after that. which is reaally funny bec. we live in the same city. and even our friends from high school always say it's bizzare how we never saw each other after graduation. but yeah. he'll always be my totga (the one that got away) haha. he'll remain as a vvv beautiful memory.

this was sooo long i am sorry but yep. 💙

10. Opinion on love?

love is a beautiful, beautiful thing. it makes one do things they don't normally do. every day can be special, every moment can be memorable. love can hurt but it can also melt the pain away. this makes me sound so much like a hopeless romantic and i guess i am 😅 but yeah. i believe in love. i do i do i do.

74. When was the last time you kissed someone?

i just kissed my mother last night when she came home hehe. but if we're talking about romantic kisses hmm july of last year. 🙈

+ sweetheart asks ❄️

[chinchinobcena]

The Day I Attempted To Kill Myself

Behind this smile is a story of a woman who attempted to end her life. Yes, I ATTEMPTED SUICIDE that’s why I got hospitalized. I’m posting this not for attention because when you’re depressed, all you want is to be alone in your bed or just be with very few people you trust the most and feel comfortable with especially just the love of my life (he was my family and made me feel like I was never alone). And it was hard for me to find the courage to share this because I don’t want to be judged. It’s just such a chaotic world out there… Anyway, I knew there was something in me for more than a year or two already. But I never faced it because I thought I can manage it. Mind over matter, right? Get a hold of your feelings, just do the things that make you happy, surround yourself with good people, stay busy with work that you’re passionate about, and inspire people the best way you can do… But at the end of the day, it’s still there. And as time went by, I got worse… I came to a point where I’m scared of so many things, I cry over people leaving as if they died. I felt so lonely (even when I’m not). When I’m around people I’m not close with, it suffocates me, I just want to go home or be on my phone. I feel so walled, I’m scared of everything and everyone. I always assume that everyone I meet will just leave anytime, like people just come and go… I always had a hard time sleeping so I’ve been drinking Benadryl before. But I’ve still been so anxious and sad even if it made me groggy. I had episodes—I was sad and crying, sometimes without a reason even. There’s just something inside me that I can’t control, AT ALL. There were months I couldn’t eat, and when I was just about to take a bite of my food, it makes me want to vomit. And then I helped myself get up again. And it became a cycle. I’d tell people, I was just on a diet…

I’ve been seeing a psychiatrist and was diagnosed with clinical depression. She first asked me why I was there and I said, “I’m tired of fighting this everyday and it makes me sadder how it affects the people around me especially the people I love.” My medicines have been working well and sedates me at night so I can sleep. I became my old self again—jolly, talkative, I don’t run out of stories to tell, annoying and makulit. It gave me hope and every day my boyfriend would remind me that I’m strong and I’ll get through it. He made me believe more in myself, he made me feel like I had a support system. But at the same time it makes me sad how I affect him and how he has to deal with me like this. He never made me feel like I’m a burden, but I always think that I am. He doesn’t deserve someone like me.

While taking medications, I looked for other things to do so I won’t depend on meds. I started playing games, watching netflix, reconnecting with old friends, and learned to rest. Because all I did before was to work—I only get up to work, go to events, take photos, finish deadlines, do unboxing, create whatever content. Yes, that makes me happy, but the pressure and knowing that it’s all work also drains me at some point. But I promise it’s my passion and it’s what makes me happy and keeps me going. I also like the feeling of how I make people happy and inspire them, all their messages on Instagram help me to keep going too. But then eventually, I felt like my body got used to the meds and it’s like I became immune from it.

Oct 31, my Tito and Tita went home to the province but I couldn’t cause I had work for Halloween. Nov 1, my body felt so tired, I felt sick too. The whole building was quiet, and all I saw on Instagram were people with their families. It was sad but I was still okay watching Dynasty. But every after a few hours I’d go to my bed and just relaxed my body and then watched again. It was only my boyfriend’s presence (through text) that didn’t make me feel lonely. I was so excited for him to be home so I can see him on FaceTime. He wasn’t my world (because I do so many things everyday and I don’t always get to see him), BUT he was my hope, he gave me hope, and he made me believe in so many good things in life. Everytime I see his face, I just get sooo happy and I make a lot of chikka to him that sometimes it’s too much that he couldn’t absorb everything anymore but I see it in his eyes how happy he is too seeing me lively and talkative and excited about my kwentos. Nov 2, I was so down and crying because idk maybe bec I’ve been in my condo alone for days or my meds weren’t working anymore, idk if I needed a higher dosage, but my mistake was I never messaged my psychiatrist about it. I called my boyfriend crying, I “needed” him again. And eventually, I couldn’t take being a burden to him or to anyone anymore. I can’t always be a burden to people I love. I love him so much and I just felt like he deserves someone better and I shouldn’t be his responsibility. I wanted him to have a better and happier life—everyone wants that. But at that moment, I just realized I’m already too much for anyone to handle. Too much for my friends, too much for all my loved ones. So I decided to take my life away…

I always thought that nobody loves me as much anyway, and maybe they wouldn’t even mind if I die. Cause I’m just a burden to people I love. And just always wearing a mask in front of other people pretending she’s that jolly funny talkative girl. I just got tired of myself and got tired of fighting… The normal dosage of my meds are Tab A (¼) and Tab B (1 whole), so I took Tab A (¼ x 48) and Tab B (1 whole x 10). I wrote a letter to my mom saying, “I love you… I will always be here…” and messaged her “I love you Mama.” Because we were never the cheesy type but I just really love her for whatever. And then I messaged my Tita that I overdosed myself. She and my Tito went all the way from Tarlac but I was already unconscious/sleeping idk when they arrived. I barely remember things because I took so many meds, all I remember was my Tito, Tita, Mom and my boyfriend were there in the ER. And lastly, that my boyfriend kept hugging me and kissing me on the forehead before he went home telling me to be a good girl and that he will message me. I held on to that... And that moment I realized there were people who really love me, that I actually mattered. I suffered so much in the hospital and until now. The feeling is just so bad. And I was having withdrawal syndrome, that I just wanted a successful suicide yesterday. I couldn’t find any reason to live. There was nothing else on my mind, but to end my life. My mind was vague because of the withdrawal, like it’s also withdrawing my brain (char). I just don’t want this to feel so heavy for you guys. But kidding aside, my friends had a hard time stopping and controlling me and they made me realize that what I was feeling was just the withdrawal and I shouldn’t let it get into me. I was still supposed to be in the hospital, but I forced them to discharge me because being there made me feel worse, sad, and sick. It’s like I’m in a cage and there was nothing that could make me happy. I want to heal naturally, choose to heal with a healthy mindset, but still see my psychiatrist of course.

All I wanted to avoid was to be a burden that’s why I wanted to vanish but I just ended up hurting the people who love me. I just became a total burden rather than not at all. All I feel right now is guilt, I hurt the people I love. And if I actually died, I would regret seeing them affected and carrying what I did for the rest of their lives. I just want to say sorry to everyone I’ve hurt, it was just really hard for me fighting my depression everyday and seeing people having the “responsibility” to make me feel better so I chose to end it all. To the people going through something, never be afraid to seek for help, and I promise you there are people who genuinely care. Don’t ever feel like you are a burden because if they truly love you, you never will and they will help you get through it without even asking for it. Because that’s what my boyfriend kept telling me but I just let my depression win me over. Please trust your loved ones more than that depression that kills you inside. Don’t let all the love and effort they did for you to be put to waste. The only way you can pay them back is to help yourself get better, trust them, and keep yourself alive even when it’s hard. Sometimes, if you can’t do it for yourself anymore, do it for the people you love, it helps to be strong for the people you love too.

I actually wonder why I’m still alive cause I really took a lot of meds to make sure it comes to an end. But as my friend told me, “Surely you’re not meant to die yet. Your life still has a purpose, there’s a reason why you’re alive.” And maybe this is it, sharing my experience and realizations to the world. Let’s all help each other and not only think about ourselves. Be positive even when it’s hard. But don’t bottle up your feelings, and let it out once in a while. Balance is key.

Never beat yourself up, you can still start over. Believe that it will all get better… You have no idea how much courage it took me to share this to the world so please, be strong… I just want everyone to believe that life is worth living. When things feel heavy, just look at the people who love you and it will all make a difference.

I’m sincerely sorry to all my loved ones for trying to take my life away. It was so selfish of me. When all my boyfriend did was to make me happy and help me get through everything...

To my boyfriend, hurting you was the last thing I would want to do or should I say I WOULD NEVER WANT TO DO and I fucked up, and made you go through the worst... It breaks my heart to know that I broke yours. I’m deeply sorry and I know it will never be enough. If only I can take it back to take away all the pain I’ve caused you, I would. I hope you find it in your heart to forgive me. I love you so much. And I will never put all your love and effort to waste, I will be better. (Just had to write it here, because messaging him directly won’t help him and won’t make things any better…….)

I don’t care about what people think of me now. If some of you are gonna be judgmental or whatsoever. Cause I tell you what, I never believed in depression before and I thought it’s all in the mind. And this life changing experience proved me wrong. But I know there are still people out there who have a big heart and I hope you could help people who are in need and make them feel loved, especially your loved ones. I kept this from a lot of people even my close friends because I didn’t want to be judged. I don’t feel embarrassed nor scared about it anymore. I accept myself for what I am. And I choose to pick myself up to be the best that I can be.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m still normal. I just have episodes of sadness especially when someone triggers it. That’s why I only surround myself with people I trust and I’m comfortable with. Their care just calms me and makes me happy.

Just 5pm today, for the first time, I went to a Psychologist. And this is what he told me, “You may not see it now but you’re in the process of seeing life in a deeper perspective. There’s a reason why you didn’t die.”

I don’t want anyone, in any way, to feel sorry for me. All I want is for everyone to learn from this whether you’re depressed, just around a depressed person, or none at all.

There’s still so much to say but I’ll end this here.

THIS IS ME, CHIN CHIN OBCENA, RAW. I AM CLINICALLY DEPRESSED BUT I SURVIVED AND I WILL BE BETTER.

[i-own-your-wifi]

Bechloe Week Day 8 - Softball

[AO3]

Beca Mitchell was the best pitcher on the Barden University softball team. She always held the other team to less than two runs and won player of the year two years in a row. When Beca first joined the team, their opponents would laugh at the tiny pitcher when the rest of the team was at least 4 inches taller than her. They would trash talk her by calling her a kid, or say that there was no way she could play, let alone pitch. They would always be confident that they would win until Beca struck out the first three batters before they could say game on.

 Beca’s reputation quickly spread and the other teams don’t underestimate her anymore. Game after game, they tried to find a way to beat her. They couldn’t figure out what made Beca so good. Beca didn’t listen to whatever anyone said about her. She only focused on the game and the next pitch to throw.

 The first time Barden played Georgia State, Beca was intrigued by a redhead who played for them. She seemed to be pretty unfocused on the bench, but on the field, she was locked in. Beca watched her fool around in the dugout and pay little attention to the game. Then, it was like she did a complete 180 and stayed completely focused in her position. She was a shortstop and no matter where the ball was hit, if it was between second and third, she found a way to get it. Times when Beca was sure her teammate got a hit, this girl was there to take it away. Beca was impressed.

 After the game, (Barden won barely, 2-1), the teams shook hands. Beca paused at the redhead.

 “Nice work.” Beca said, “You played well.”

 “Same to you.” She said.

 “I’ve never seen a shortstop make some of the plays you did.”

 The girl smirked. “That’s because you’ve never seen me play.” Beca raised her eyebrows, this girl was something else. “Throw me something good next time.”

 Beca couldn’t stop thinking about her. She didn’t even know her name, but Beca knew she wanted to know more. Barden had good fielders, really good fielders, but none as good as her. Beca kept thinking about her demeaner. How she was a complete distraction to her team when she wasn’t on the field, how she joked and pranked and bugged everyone, then suddenly lasered in when the ball was hit to her. Beca had never seen anything like it. There were players for Barden who were goofballs off the field but during a game, they focused completely. Not this girl.

 It was a few weeks before they played again. Beca wasn’t pitching that game, which allowed her to focus on the redhead more closely. The more Beca saw, the more she wanted to know. After the game, when the teams shook hands, it was the girl who stopped Beca.

 “I saw you watching me.” She said, “Do I look that good?”

 Beca shook her head. “Not why I was watching.”

 “You don’t think I’m hot?”

 “Wha – That – I didn’t… I didn’t say that.” Beca sputtered.

 “Well, Miss Pitcher, do you wanna grab a drink with me tonight? If you’re so interested in me.” The girl winked.

 “You got it, Shortstop.”

 “Hey there Pitcher.” The girl said when Beca walked up to her later that night.

 “Shortstop.” Beca saluted. “Do I get to know your name?”

 “If you’re lucky,” The girl lowered her voice and leaned close to Beca, “You might find out tonight.”

 Beca smiled. “Let’s hope I’m lucky then.”

 “You’re a little short to be a pitcher.” The girl said.

 “So I’m told.” Beca said, “But I think I prove that it doesn’t matter.”

 “Of course.” She said, “You stuck me out enough times.”

 “Maybe you’re just a bad batter.”

 “Excuse you!” The girl straightened up. “I have the best batting average on my team!”

 Beca raised her hands in surrender. “My mistake. I guess that means I’m a good pitcher.”

 The girl pursed her lips. “Perhaps.”

 “You are really unfocused when you’re not playing.” Beca said, “I watched you during the game. You fool around constantly unless you’re on the field.”

 “I like to have fun.” The girl shrugged. “I find it helps, I can’t spend every second of the game focusing on it. I let loose when I can and I’m able to focus better on the field.”

 Beca nodded. “To each their own.” Beca raised her glass and the girl clinked hers to it.

 They talked for a few more hours before Beca announced that it was getting late. The girl, who Beca was lucky enough to learn was named Chloe, asked Beca if she would like to go home. Beca, feeling bold, winked and asked who’s home she meant. Chloe smirked and lead Beca to the Uber she called for. Beca stayed at Chloe’s place overnight, since she didn’t feel like she could make it home after the workout Chloe put her through.

 Beca woke up to the sound of her phone ringing. Groaning, she picked it up without looking at who was calling.

 “What?”

 “Where are you?” Stacie asked.

 “What?”

 “Practice starts in like 10 minutes!”

 “Shit!” Beca sprang up and rushed to find her clothes. “Tell Coach I’m on my way and that I had an emergency or something.”

 “Where the fuck are you Mitchell?”

 “Um…” Beca bit her lip. “Georgia State?”

 “Rebecca Mitchell! Fraternizing with the enemy!”

 “I’ll explain later! Please cover for me?”

 “Yeah, alright.” Stacie said, “But I want details!”

 “Oh fuck.” Beca said after she hung up. “Fuck. Fuck.”

 “Everything okay?” Chloe asked from the doorway. Beca looked up to see Chloe standing with two coffees.

 “No.” Beca said, “I’m late for practice because I slept in.”

 “Oh dear.” Chloe said.

 “I’m really sorry to run out but I have to go.” Beca kissed Chloe’s cheek as she rushed past. “I’ll call you later.”

 Beca and Chloe began a very secret relationship. Their teams were rivals and they didn’t want to get in trouble. Even though they both knew that no one could really do anything to them, they still didn’t want to tell anyone just yet. Beca told Stacie she hooked up with a random girl she met at the bar and wasn’t planning on seeing her again and Stacie bought it. Beca and Chloe managed to hide it pretty well, whenever they hung out, it was either in one of their rooms or they went somewhere off both campuses where they wouldn’t see anyone they knew.

 The next time Barden played Georgia State, Beca was ready. She had been teasing Chloe that Barden was better and she was ready to prove it. So far, both teams had won one game against the other and Beca knew Barden could win again to prove to Chloe that they were better. Beca tried to act like Chloe was just another player, but it was difficult. Still, she was sure no one noticed.

 It was the fourth inning, and Georgia State was batting. Chloe was on first. Beca kept an eye on her. She knew Chloe could run and was always ready to steal a base. As Beca started to throw, she saw Chloe start to run. The batter missed the ball and the catcher threw a strike to second. It happened so fast that Beca didn’t see what happened. As the second baseman reached down to tag Chloe out, she fell or stumbled or something, and she collided with Chloe. She got up and said she was okay but Chloe stayed down. Beca felt her heartrate spike.

 “Get up.” Beca muttered, “Get up. Come on. Chlo, get up.”

 Chloe didn’t get up. She stayed down holding her ankle. It seemed like everyone was frozen in time. Beca didn’t realize that she had started running. She kneeled beside Chloe and brushed her hair off her face. She reached towards her ankle but Chloe stopped her.

 “Hurts.” She whispered.

 “Okay,” Beca said, “You’re okay. I’ve got you. It’s okay.”

 “Becs.” Chloe whimpered. She grabbed Beca’s hand and held it tightly.

 The coaches finally came running out with a first aid kit and started looking at Chloe’s ankle. Chloe didn’t let go of Beca’s hand. They concluded that Chloe injured her ankle and they were going to take her to get x-rayed to see how serious it was. Chloe didn’t want to let Beca go, but she had to. Beca kissed her hand.

 “You’re okay, I promise I’ll be right there as soon as I can.” Beca said.

 Both teams were giving Beca weird looks but Beca ignored them. The game continued and Beca tried to focus but all she could think about was Chloe. It was easily the worst game Beca played. She gave up four runs before she finally got the third out. She couldn’t focus knowing Chloe was in pain somewhere. The coach took her out in the fifth after she gave up two more runs without getting any outs. Beca understood. She couldn’t play anymore.

 She had to stay until the end of the game, but as soon as it was over, she grabbed her stuff and ran to her car. She quickly rushed to the Georgia State clinic where Chloe was. She forced herself to walk to the room Chloe was in. When she got there, she saw Chloe sitting on a bed with her foot elevated with ice on it. Chloe brightened when she saw Beca.

 “Beca!” Chloe said, “How was the game?”

 “That’s what you’re concerned about right now?” Beca asked incredulously, “Dude, how are you?”

 “I’m okay.” Chloe said, “It’s only a sprain, so I’ll have to rest for a few weeks but I’ll be okay.”

 Beca breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank god.” She sat on the bed beside Chloe and took her hand. “I gave up six runs.”

 “Ouch.” Chloe said, “How’s that ego feeling?”

 “Pretty bad, I think I need to be here more than you.”

 Chloe laughed. “You were worried about me.”

 “Of course I was! You could’ve broken your leg!”

 “It’s sweet.” Chloe kissed Beca’s cheek. “Although I think we might have to tell the teams about us.”

 Beca groaned. “Aw shit. I didn’t think about that.”

 “It was a good run, Pitcher.”

 Beca rolled her eyes. “Whatever, Shortstop.”

[bechloe-are-acadorable]

Butterflies- Bechloe (Pt10)

Part 10/?

Chloe and Aubrey snuck back into the Bella house to get ready as quietly as they could, so that they wouldn't attract any attention from the brunette. They didn't come down from Chloe's room until they could hear male voices downstairs, missing out on the customary Bellas pre-drinks.

Chloe spotted Beca almost as soon as she walked into the room, her eyes automatically scanning for the shorter girl as they always did, she walked over to the opposite side of the room and began to dance with Aubrey. Beca saw this, she saw how Chloe had deliberately avoided her and it made her heart hurt. She hadn't had a drink yet and knew that if she did she would do something stupid so vowed not to drink tonight, something the redhead had also promised herself.

Beca made herself busy, talking to guests, mopping up any spills and making sure everyone was okay, her eyes never straying from where the ginger was, checking she was okay. A few hours of torture later and Jesse found Beca in the crowd. "Beccaw!" He greeted her, clearly drunk and put his arm around her "Oh hey Jess" Beca saw Chloe look over before she left and made her way into the garden "Beca can we start again? Kiss me" He leant in slightly and Beca pushed him away "No Jesse, I don't like you like that, I'm sorry I've got to go" Beca turned on her heel and walked outside following Chloe.

She was going to talk to her. It was now or never. She walked straight up to her and was halfway there before she saw who Chloe was talking to. Tom. Beca's stomach flipped and she felt like she was going to throw up, she couldn't let this happen, she liked Chloe too much. She stormed up to Chloe and grabbed her arm spinning the taller girl around, here goes nothing she thought to herself and did the one thing she'd been wanting to do for weeks now. She kissed Chloe.

Beca put one and arm around Chloe's neck and the other on her hip and pressed her lips onto the redheads, Chloe's hand automatically snaking up to rest on Beca's cheek and the other around her waist. Beca couldn't believe that she was actually doing this. She was kissing Chloe and it felt so good. Chloe's lips were so soft and moved so gently against Beca's that she felt like she might die then and there.

Beca pulled the taller girl even closer to her as Chloe's lips moved in sync with her own. Beca felt goosebumps all over her body and her heart sped up so much, it felt like it may leap out of her chest at any moment, she had never felt like this before. Chloe meanwhile had only just got passed the shock as butterflies swarmed in her stomach, she had been wanting to kiss Beca for so long that she could hardly believe that it was happening.

Beca eventually pulled away "Woah" she whispered, gazing into Chloe's eyes "I know" she smiled back. It was at that moment that Beca became painfully aware of the guys around them gawping at them like some sort of exhibit in a zoo. Beca took Chloe's hand firmly and lead her through the Bella house and into Chloe's room.

Chloe was still panting slightly feeling adrenaline rushing through her body as Beca shut the door behind them and placed her arms around her neck and kissed Chloe again, more firmly this time. Chloe took the chance and deepened the kiss between them, sliding her tongue into Beca's mouth causing Beca to moan softly, almost making Chloe faint on the spot. One of Chloe's hands tangled in brunette hair and the other clutched her firmly at her waist, loving the feeling of finally kissing Beca.

When they broke away, Beca rested her forehead on Chloe's and stared into the bright blue eyes she had come to adore so much, they stayed in silence for a while, locked in loving eye contact. "I've wanted to do that for a while now" Beca confessed, eventually standing up normally, Chloe grabbed Beca's hand and led her to sit on her bed. "Well not that it's a competition or anything but I've been wanting to do that for a really long time" Chloe giggled "How long?" Beca asked her, intrigued. "Since the day I met you" Chloe shrugged nonchalantly as Beca beamed back at her "I knew my gaydar wasn't wrong" Chloe laughed as Beca pushed her playfully.

Beca looked back up at Chloe seriously "I'm sorry I've been weird recently, I just was trying to figure all of this out" she gestured between the two of them and Chloe smiled understandingly "I... I never liked another woman before you, so I didn't know what was happening" Beca confessed. "I turned Beca Mitchell!" Chloe crowed as Beca rolled her eyes "Dude I'm being serious here! I like you. A lot" Beca thought she had seen Chloe smiling widely before but she was wrong, Chloe's smile was so wide right now that Beca thought it must be hurting her face.

"I like you a lot too Becs" Beca smiled back before leaning in to kiss Chloe once more, placing her hands around her waist and pulling the redhead onto her lap, Chloe's arms automatically wrapping around Beca's neck. Chloe felt Beca smiling into the kiss and couldn't help but smile back, the pair pulling away, seeing each other's grins, this was the happiest either girl had ever been and they weren't afraid to show it.

"Want to go back down?" Beca asked the girl sitting on her lap who nodded in reply, Chloe stood up and took hold of Beca's hand and led her downstairs, weaving through the crowds. Aubrey rushed over to Chloe "We need to talk" Aubrey looked at Chloe seriously "Now?" Chloe whined as Aubrey nodded vigorously, Chloe sighed and turned, giving Beca a kiss on the cheek "Be back soon" Beca smiled at this small act of affection and watched the ginger leave, her heart still fluttering. "Damn Mitchell you have it bad for her" she muttered to herself.

"What's up?" Chloe asked once Aubrey had led her away, glancing over her shoulder trying to spot Beca in the crowd. "Tom's here" Aubrey smiled wiggling her eyebrows at her friend "I don't care about Tom" Chloe huffed impatiently "But you need to get over Beca and he's a good way to do that" Aubrey told her rolling her eyes. "No I don't" Aubrey looked at Chloe as if she had two heads, they had devised this plan mere hours ago, why was Chloe being so dense?

"Beca kissed me" Chloe couldn't help her face splitting into a massive smile "Aca-scuse me?" Aubrey could barely believe the words coming out of the redhead's mouth. "I was talking to Tom and Beca came out of nowhere and kissed me, it was magical" Chloe had that trademark faraway look she always got when she was day dreaming "Then what happened?" Aubrey almost yelled. "Oh yeah sorry, then we went to my room and kissed a bit more and Beca told me that she liked me" Chloe's cheeks were beginning to hurt with all the smiling she was doing this evening.

"I'm so happy for you, go get her" Aubrey said enthusiastically as Chloe grinned and left to find Beca talking to Stacey. Chloe came up from behind and lay her head on Beca's shoulder, Beca's hand immediately searching for Chloe's to hold, a grin appearing on her face. "Hey Stace what's up?" Chloe smiled and Stacey returned it "Not much just looking for Aubs, do you know where she is?" Chloe pointed her in the right direction before Stacey thanked her and went to go an find her.

Beca turned around and grabbed both of Chloe's hands in hers "Chlo, um..." Beca began to stutter "God you're cute when you're nervous" Chloe smiled "Well, I was wondering, if you hadn't planned anything or anything, but I know it's late notice so you probably won't be free but if you aren't doing anything if you'd maybe, possibly want to go on a date with me or something tomorrow?" Beca rambled, looking down at their hands, her face flushed red. Chloe used her finger to tilt Beca's head up so that she was looking at her "Of course I'll go on a date with you Beca" Chloe said before leaving a light kiss on Beca's lips.

Chloe and Beca spent the rest of the party together dancing and singing, Fat Amy saw them together and approached the pair "Glad to see you two back together Bhloe!" Fat Amy yelled as she walked up to them "Hey Amy, watch this" Chloe said before leaning in and kissing Beca, Beca flushed a red colour immediately but kissed Chloe back.

When the pair parted, they saw Fat Amy speechless for the first time in her life, her mouth open just staring at the two of them. Chloe giggled and kissed Beca's cheek as Amy managed to regain her senses "Oh my god Bhloe is real! I knew it! Way to go Shawshank!" She grinned and put an arm around each "I have to go and get the other Bellas!" She exclaimed and hurried away.

The pair laughed at Fat Amy's enthusiasm before dancing once more, waiting for the Bella's to come and join them. 5 minutes or so later Fat Amy had rounded all of the Bella's up and marched them over to the pair. "This better be good I was talking to this girl and-" CR began but was shut off by Fat Amy "Shush!", the Bella's all looked at them expectantly "What's going on?" Ashley asked. "Do it!" Fat Amy urged "We're not performing monkeys Amy" Chloe laughed "Screw it" Beca shrugged and grabbed Chloe and kissed her in front of all of the Bellas.

It was another slow, soft kiss that made Chloe melt, when Beca eventually pulled away Chloe was stood there with a dopy smile on her face, wanting nothing more than to kiss the girl again.

The Bellas all stood there, staring at the co-captains "I told you all didn't I? I said Bhloe was real but none of you believed me! Pay up!" Fat Amy grinned as CR, Stacey, Lily, Jessica and Ashley each handed $20 over to Fat Amy. "You put a bet on us?" Beca squeaked, Fat Amy nodded clearly thrilled with herself "I should have asked Aubrey, I would have made another $20" Fat Amy sighed.

"No you wouldn't, I knew that Chloe was obsessed with her the minute she laid eyes on her" Aubrey stated matter of factly, Chloe immediately went red "Bree!" she shouted "Aw she's been obsessed with me since we met, how cute" Beca teased pinching one of Chloe's cheeks, the girls all laughed at this.

"So, when's the wedding?" Stacey asked causing Beca to choke on air "Dude, we haven't even been on our first date yet" she replied "So when's that then?" Stacey prompted "Beca's taking me out tomorrow" Chloe beamed. The Bellas chatted for a while longer before Aubrey took Beca to one side "What's up?" Beca asked Aubrey, who was staring at her "I just want to know what your intentions are that's all" Aubrey said sharply, Beca panicked slightly at this "Dude you're not her father" Beca tried to joke but Aubrey looked at her seriously and raised an eyebrow.

"Okaaaaay" Beca muttered awkwardly "I just don't want to see Chloe get hurt is all, and she really likes you Beca" Aubrey said honestly, still eyeballing the younger girl. "Neither do I, I didn't just jump into this Aubrey, I like her a lot and the last thing I'd ever want to do is hurt Chloe, that'd be like kicking a puppy and what sick fuck wants to do that?" Beca replied, not breaking eye contact with the taller blonde. "Well then that's fine" Aubrey said now smiling.

Beca and Aubrey joined the group soon after and Chloe threw her arms around the shorter girl as if she hadn't seen her for weeks making Beca smile and the Bellas Awww. Soon after, the party guests began to drift away to the relief of Beca and Chloe who were both beginning to get tired.

After the last person left all of the Bellas made their way to their rooms, Beca walked Chloe to hers, stopping outside of the door. "So I'll pick you up tomorrow at about 10:30?" Beca said with a smirk and Chloe giggled "Sounds amazing" Chloe leant down and placed a soft, chaste kiss on Beca's lips before pulling away and smiling and the goofy grin on Beca's face. "Night Chlo" Beca said in little over a whisper "Night Becs".

Beca bounced back to her room and flopped onto her bed grinning like a cheshire cat "You alright there Mr lover lover?" Fat Amy asked smirking at her friend. Bec rolled over and propped herself up on her elbow so that she was facing Amy "So good" she couldn't wipe the smile off her face "Who knew the big BM would be so soppy" Beca threw a pillow at the Australian in reply "Nah but seriously I'm happy for you, I knew Bhloe was real! And I made $100 off the others so it's a good day for both of us" Beca rolled her eyes at her friend before getting ready for bed.

[tiny-maus-boots]

Soulmates AU pt 10

Summary:  Inspired by Soulmate(s) au, soulmate(s) au pt 2 , and Soulmate(s) au pt 3 hc by @fandom-heaux . An AU in which everyone is born with a smudged birthmark. As you find your mate in life the smudge forms their name when you’ve made an impression on them. In this world Beca doesn’t realize she has any, let alone three. FYI hc pt 3 is particularly important to Stacie’s reaction to her marks.

A/N: And a big thank you as always to @chloes-yellow-cup for reading this and posting in in places because I’m far too lazy to do it myself. She’s the bestest bestie. 

And no @rocketalana they are still not getting a dog

Beca

It felt like she had just gotten to sleep when the banging started. She thought at first if she ignored it that whoever the fuck it was would just go away. She’d gone to bed just as the sky was turning gray with the first rays of sun. They hadn’t stayed out that late but once she’d gotten home she’d found herself drawn to her work station. A melody she was toying with finally resolving itself into something real and tangible to work with. Something that had reminded her of the night she’d just had and the people she’d spent it with. It had burned in her brain until she was finally done with it and sometime during the third or fourth listen through she had passed out dead asleep at her table in the blissful slumber of the truly exhausted.

But now there was incessant banging and it was just too much to ignore. Beca rolled to her side thinking she was in bed and realized all too late that she was in her chair when the floor came up hard and fast to her face. “Son of a bitch.” Ow. Carefully she stood and blinked blearily at her phone to check the time as she shuffled to the door. It was just after 9 but she didn’t know anyone that would be trying to break her door in that early. She was already flinging the door open in just as much wild determination as whoever the hell was on the other side. “Alright, alright Jesus! Stop banging on my goddamn door like the fucking poli…” It took her a minute to process the image of Stacie dripping wet in only a towel on her doorstep. “Stacie, what the fu…”

“No! You what the fuck! What the fuck Beca? What. The. Fuck??” Before Beca had time to process anything that was happening Stacie pulled open her towel to expose her smudge marks. And most of everything else. “How could you do this to me?”

Beca’s eyes started to drift before she realized what she was doing and she brought her hand up quickly to cover them since Stacie didn’t seem to mind that she was mostly naked. “Dude! No! Why?” What was even happening right now? Stacie’s fingers wrapped around her wrist and struggled to pull her hand away from her face. There was a bit of a tussle and Beca was 95 percent sure boob touched her arm several times in the process. The door across the hall from hers opened abruptly and they both froze when her neighbor Luke cleared his throat.

“Ladies. I’m not exactly sure what’s going on here but I know I’m into it.”

Something rose in her chest in a hot flash and she yanked Stacie into the apartment, quickly shoving the taller woman behind her own body. “Hey! Keep it in your pants creepster!” He gave her a raised brow and she nodded feeling a hell of a lot tougher than she was. “That’s right. I’m talking to you. Keep it moving Bucko.”

Luke gave her a mild snort. “Yeah alright whatever. Tell your friend to call me when she wants it proper.”

Beca’s face crinkled in disgust at that. “Gross.” She brought her hand up to point to her eyes then his letting him know she was watching him then slammed the door shut. Her furious protective streak momentarily giving her amnesia so that she wasn’t at all prepared for Stacie to be standing stark naked behind her, hands on her hips and seething with fury. “Uhhhhh….”

“Beca!”

“Stacie!” She felt her eyes start to drift again and jerked them up to meet unflinching green eyes. “Did you just run down here mid shower?” Because that was of course the relevant information at the moment. Stacie’s eyes narrowed and Beca hurriedly squeaked out a plea for mercy. “Could you maybe with clothes or something?”

“NO!” It seemed the longer Stacie stood there waiting for Beca to look at her the angrier she got. She’d never actually seen her friend get mad before but if it was like this she didn’t much care for it. Nor did she care for being the target of Stacie’s anger.

Okay okay it was time to bite the bullet. Beca took a deep calming breath and opened her eyes to look at where Stacie was pointing. And okay her gaze may have taken a really quick detour before it rested on the smudge along the taller woman’s ribs. Beca. Oh. OH. OH FUCK.

Beca raised her hand and pointed at the offending mark. “What the fuck is that?? What did you do that for!?!” This couldn’t be possibly happening. At all. It wasn’t real, it couldn’t be. She’d just fallen asleep and this was some crazy fucked up dream she was having because she was horny and she thought Stacie was hot. That’s all it was.

“I didn’t do it! You did!” They stared at each other each breathing heavily before Stacie’s gaze broke, her lip quivering with the effort to hold back whatever was threatening to spill over and Beca felt a pang of hurt in her chest that she hadn’t expected. Stacie shook her head and wrapped her towel around herself tightly, her voice strained with the raw emotion. “I know I fuck around a lot but you were my first actual friend.”

“You um, you’re making that sound like we’re not friends now.” When Stacie didn’t say anything in denial Beca bit her lip and nodded. “Yeah that’s about the way it always is. Can’t believe this one time I thought…no, you know what? Doesn’t even matter.” Beca shook her head still not sure how any of this was even happening or why. She only knew that she had gotten used to being close to someone, caring about them and it hurt like a bitch that she had to give it up again. “For what it’s worth Stace, I didn’t know and I’m really fucking sorry.”

So sorry she didn’t even have words for it. Beca rubbed her forehead against the headache thundering behind her eyes. She backed up a few steps until she felt the couch against her legs and let them give out so she could sink into the sofa. Beca pulled her legs up and rested her chin on her knees waiting for Stacie to yell or scream or worse…leave.

There was a moment of hesitation before Stacie moved to stand directly in front of Beca. She could tell Stacie was torn between her hurt and anger and the desire to say something else but she wasn’t sure what it was until Stacie settled on the coffee table in front of her, for once taking great care in not flashing Beca more skin than was already on display. “I just.” The tall brunette let her shoulders slump and she shook her head. “I just got used to the idea that maybe it would be okay. Having someone. Even if I lost them, maybe it would be okay. Because I had you and you’re not supposed to be my mate. I’m not… I’m not supposed to lose you too Beca. And now…now there’s this and there is nothing I can do about it.”

It hurt in a way it shouldn’t have and tears stung at the back of her eyelids. “I swear to God, I didn’t know Stacie.” If she knew it could happen she wouldn’t have spent any time at all with Stacie. She would have just kept doing what she was doing before which had worked out fine for her. “If you don’t want to talk to me again I would completely understand. I don’t know what else to say except maybe it’s a different Beca? Maybe it’s not me at all.”

Even saying it felt wrong and she could tell by the way Stacie’s eyes went from green to a stormy gray that it didn’t sit right with her either. “I don’t know any other Becas and it’s logical to assume it’s you because you met Chloe, who is married to Aubrey, who is also destined to be my….mate. There’s definitely a connection.”

Beca looked up at Stacie when she caught the soft wonder-filled pause before she said the word mate. She smiled at the look on Stacie’s face, remembering the way her friend had been so careful with Aubrey. Or the way she had made them all feel at ease with one another, comfortable and relaxed like they had all known each other for years. It had hit her sometime after their third round of karaoke that Stacie made her feel happier than she had in a really long time and she wished that she could know what it would be like to belong to each other.

But she had also wondered that about Chloe. Because it was supposed to be safe. Because she was Beca and she didn’t have marks or a future of together forever. It shouldn’t be possible but here it was, now she was somehow linked to Stacie for the rest of her life and Jesus she wanted it so bad it hurt to think about. She had wanted to mean something to someone for her entire life and never thought it was something she could have. “Should I keep apologizing?”

“No.” Stacie sighed like a DMV worker on a Friday afternoon and flopped her hands uselessly in her lap. “I know your dumb ass didn’t mean to do…” She shook her head and closed her mouth, taking a second to think things through before she spoke again. “Look. All of this is weird and fucked up. I have three marks you have none, and one of my marks belongs to someone who already has a mate. And you’re clearly stupid in love with Chloe.”

Beca cleared her throat and shook her head. “M’not stupid in love with Chloe. I don’t even know her.” Lie. She knew Chloe, knew her soul, and for fucks sake could she get any cheesier?

Stacie leveled a quietly disappointed look at her and she sighed. “Really Becs? Look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t feel something for her?”

She couldn’t do it. Beca dropped her gaze and went back to resting her chin on her knees. “I think it’s pretty clear I have stupid feelings for people, don’t you?” Stacie gave a humorless chuckle and nodded. “So now what?”

“Now…now I guess I go upstairs finish my shower with cold water.” Beca raised both brows at that and Stacie shrugged. “Eh, I may have forgotten to turn off the water in my haste to kick your tiny ass into next Tuesday.”

“Sorry.” She didn’t even know why she felt compelled to apologize again but she did.

“No…I’m sorry. I knew you didn’t do anything…I just…it hurt yeah?”

Beca sat up straighter and tried to figure out how to say things she didn’t even know she understood fully? “Stacie…I know you don’t want to lose yourself or whatever. For what it’s worth? I wouldn’t want you to be any other way and if this is it…if this is real and not some fucked up cosmic joke…I won’t let anyone change you.”

Stacie looked like she wanted to say something else but she didn’t she simply gave a slow nod and reached out to squeeze Beca’s knee. Though to be fair Beca didn’t know if Stacie was comforting her or looking for comfort by the gesture. “Thanks Becs. I better go get ready. So should you by the way.”

“Uh…why?”

The leggy brunette stood and adjusted her towel again with a slight shrug as she headed for the door. “Aubrey and Chloe invited us over for lunch and we’re going.” She gave Beca a quick look as if she expected the smaller woman to argue but Beca just gave a slow nod.

“Sure, okay. But I mean…is that it? We just pretend like nothing is different?” Because it WAS different now. At least for Beca herself.

Stacie paused at the door and sighed. “I don’t know Beca. But I think ignoring it isn’t going to make it go away and if I’m right somehow Chloe and Aubrey are a part of this so talking to them is our best bet. Besides. Do you know anyone else we could talk to about this?”

That would be a big fat no. Until Stacie she didn’t even really have any friends. “Point taken. Meet back here in an hour?” Stacie gave her a half wave of agreement before she left the apartment. Beca watched her leave before she picked up her cell phone and dialed quickly. It rang several times before voicemail picked up and she sighed in frustration but put on an almost cheery tone. “Hi Mom, right I forgot you’re somewhere near Ecuador which is totally cool! If slightly…inconvenient. Kidding. Kidding. Okay well guess I called for no reason really. Just saying hi. L.A. is great, work is good. Yes the apartment building is still standing. So I guess that warning about a good strong gust of wind was wrong. Haha. Um are you sure I don’t have any marks? I mean. I’m asking for a friend? Okay whatever have a good time, be safe, and I love you. Tell dad I miss him. Don’t go to snake island!” She hung up before the message could cut her off and flopped back onto the sofa.

“Why do you like fucking with me Universe?” She was not in the least bit surprised when she received no answer.

[kakuzhu]

so, canonically, kakuzu had four partners preceding hidan during his time in the akatsuki, and he killed all of them. the anime/video game (I don’t know which anymore) showed one of kakuzu’s partners before he’s killed by a pretty purposeful looking blast from kakuzu. I have no idea which partner this was and I’m too lazy to figure it out even though the information is out there, because I’m making up my own order of how kakuzu killed his partners. while I actually think the idea of kakuzu blasting his partner just to be a jerk is hilarious and I’m going to take inspiration from that, it’ll be for his third partner in my canon. whether or not this aligns with the anime interpretation is of no consequence to me. similarly, the anime implied kakuzu’s main motivation for killing his partners was to take their hearts. while I am choosing to use this as a reason for one of his partners, I am not going to follow this for all of them, as I dislike the implication kakuzu was not already prepared with 4 extra powerful hearts already, nor do I think he would’ve been that interested in all of their hearts. 

I totally ignore the video games’ akatsuki recruitment plots, with the exception that kakuzu was one of the earliest recruits, because the timeline was just weird for it. it was definitely a fun sequence to watch though. 

I have no idea when hidan was recruited into the akatsuki, and basically all we know about it is that hidan was the most recent recruit before tobi. I make the (huge) assumption, therefore, that hidan was recruited anywhere between the latter half of the blank period to shortly before or very early on in part II. I say this is a huge assumption because, of course, this may not line up to other hidan players’ timelines, as well as the fact that this assumption is what I built the timelines of all the other partners around. obviously, I am happy to discuss more specific timelines should I write opposite hidans should it be relevant (or if you’re bored and wanna talk about how fucked the timeline is), but for the purposes of my canon, this is the assumption I am rolling with. 

kakuzu had partners one through three during the first half of the naruto timeline and further back, to the near-inception of the akatsuki. I headcanon kakuzu was one of the first members of nagato’s akatsuki, which in turn was created sometime after the third world war. the third world war is stated to have happened 10 years before the start of the naruto series (from what I’ve read, anyway), which means that, at maximum, each partner lasted an average of about 3 years each before kakuzu killed them. of course, less irritating partners were killed after a longer period of time, while more irritating ones were killed more quickly. in addition, depending on when the akatsuki was actually formed and when kakuzu was recruited in relation to that, the average would, obviously, lower. 

kakuzu’s fourth partner was assigned to him through the entirety or most of the blank period, which itself spanned 2.5 years and would be the maximum amount of time kakuzu spent with this partner. this would, of course, be cut short depending on when hidan was recruited.

actual brief descriptions of each partnership and their manner of death are below the cut. 

partner one: like all akatsuki members, kakuzu was not particularly enthused to be assigned a partner. notably, kakuzu was extremely vocal about wanting to operate alone, and was noticeably frustrated when pain did not acquiesce. therefore, kakuzu’s first partner had the serious misfortune of being assigned to an already pissed kakuzu. to further exacerbate matters, kakuzu had not worked with anyone else for decades prior to this, and he also considered his partner incredibly weak, so he was already not going to play nice in the first place. of course, believing his partner that weak was probably neither a fair nor accurate assessment---all akatsuki are strong, and kakuzu was probably too angry to give a reasonable evaluation.  regardless, because kakuzu was all too aware that pain could kill him without much trouble, kakuzu forced himself to put up with his first partner. kakuzu vehemently complained that his partner, however, was far too slow and dragged their progress too much, that kakuzu had to cover for him far too often, and was more or less a liability. kakuzu complained about his first partner to pain and to his partner himself, as well as disparaged him and undermined him at every opportunity during akatsuki meetings.  as one would expect, this began to wear and grate on kakuzu’s partner. while he started out the partnership as polite as can be expected, hoping to make the best of it, he quickly began barking back at kakuzu and often challenged his every move. kakuzu actually hurt his partner multiple times during their time together as well, which did not improve their relationship. whether or not this was purposeful remains to be seen---kakuzu has never specified either way---but most likely, while there were plenty of accidental incidents, the majority of them were totally on purpose.  that said, kakuzu never actually laid a hand on his partner physically. they fought a lot, and at times they sabotaged each other in battle in hopes to get rid of the other, but there were no explicit attempts at harming each other otherwise.  essentially, the only thing that stopped kakuzu from blatantly striking his partner down was the fear that pain would kill him in retaliation. thus, kakuzu suffered through his first partner for about 3.5 years. eventually, however, kakuzu’s impatience and rage overtook his self-preservation instinct; kakuzu brutally murdered his partner using his threads and made sure to make it painful. 

partner two: following his murder of his first partner, kakuzu was ready to run for his life, perhaps disappear for a few years until the akatsuki as an organization blew over. of course, before he could do that, zetsu tracked him down and, in combination with pain’s telepathy, informed him there will now be a meeting. upon joining this holographic meeting, pain confirmed with kakuzu that he had killed his partner, and then proceeded to go on a long-winded lecture on akatsuki guidelines and expectations, essentially telling kakuzu off in front of the rest of the akatsuki.  and the end of it, however, it was clear kakuzu was not going to be killed---but kakuzu still took this as a firm warning. he assumed there would be no other chances, and begrudgingly resolved himself to keep his second partner alive.  luckily, his second partner was much easier to get along with than his first. she was direct and practical and rarely complained. while she was not particularly prodigious, kakuzu could not explicitly complain about her skill, as she was better than his last, and she did not seem to mind the extra work of hunting bounties or additional mercenary work. they also traveled mostly in silence; they knew almost nothing about each other than their fighting skills, which was to both of their preferences. they really only spoke when in reference to business or to battle strategy---and kakuzu also had to admit her strategies tended to be sound. jobs were done with clearly laid out plans. kakuzu’s partnership here was likely the most efficient and amicable out of all of them---for as amicable as kakuzu could be. regardless, despite his general distaste for partners and working with others, kakuzu had to admit the arrangement with her was tolerable. he figured, ultimately, this was a small blessing; it would be easier to stay in pain’s better graces.  thus, as it happened, her murder, while by kakuzu’s hands, was more or less an accident due to unpreparedness on both their parts. the pair of them worked together successfully for over 4 years. however, during a commission they took, they were overpowered, and kakuzu was cornered, and his partner was captured by the enemy. understanding that they were partners, the enemy ninjas threatened to kill her if kakuzu did not surrender.  of course, kakuzu held little sentimental value to her, although he did think it would be a shame to lose such a partner. as it was, having been surrounded and with his back against the wall, kakuzu launched an array of indiscriminate, violent attacks against this small army using his mask jutsus. there were no survivors---including, of course, his partner. while, again kakuzu thought this was inconvenient to lose such a tolerable partner, he also reflected that, if she was so weak as to be caught like this and be put in a compromising position, then death was the least of things she deserved. uselessness never did sit right with kakuzu. 

partner three: as with his first partner, kakuzu was told off for killing his second partner, but was not killed. however, pain did observe that, if kakuzu tried, he certainly could have saved his second partner and both of them could have escaped with their lives. kakuzu only shrugged to this; he didn’t care about her, nor did he much care that the akatsuki would have to spend resources finding a new partner, nor did he really respect any of the burdens that came onto the akatsuki due to his own impatience.  this apparent lack of appreciation for their troubles prompted pain to drop kakuzu with other random pairs of akatsuki during the search for his third partner. now, instead of having to deal with one person, kakuzu had to deal with two, and there would always be at least one that would be mocking kakuzu about his public scolding from pain at some point or another. because it was often two against one as well, kakuzu could not as easily pursue bounties. this was clear punishment, and kakuzu did not appreciate being treated as a child by a boy decades younger than him---threat of death and the fact that he had little room to talk besides.  ultimately, kakuzu was assigned a third partner, although this time, zetsu regularly checked in to ensure he was still alive. kakuzu was now pissed---not explicitly because his partner was unskilled or weak, which were not true, but because he was being monitored wherever he went. he assumed that his role in money matters was about the only reason he had not been kicked out of the akatsuki yet (if not killed), which meant that he had some modicum of importance in the organization. if this was true, then he certainly did not enjoy being babysat. kakuzu tried to negotiate (i.e. demand) zetsu stop being sent after him to ensure he was not murdering his partner, but this was to no avail.  kakuzu tolerated this for the shortest out of all his partnerships during this ten year period. kakuzu, frustrated and petulant, killed his partner with a blast from his masks during a skirmish after less than 2 years. while it was obviously on purpose, kakuzu only said that perhaps his partner was too slow and did not explicitly claim responsibility. he was incredibly flippant about the entire ordeal, and was not interested in answering for it in any fashion. this kill was obviously a challenge and pushed kakuzu’s boundaries with the akatsuki. when kakuzu was once again not killed from losing this partner, he essentially lost almost all respect for akatsuki policy and began operating more as he pleased, although he did stay within akatsuki regulations and continued to bring in money for them, which was likely one of the only reasons he was able to maintain his position. 

partner four: kakuzu’s fourth partner was the strongest out of all his partners to date, and most likely was an attempt from pain to supply kakuzu with such an overpowering partner that kakuzu could not easily kill him. kakuzu, recognizing pain’s irritation with kakuzu, simply took this as a challenge. and, unfortunately, his partner’s strength also served to interest kakuzu for his heart, which meant kakuzu even had a sort of reward at the end of it if he figured out an expedient way to do away with his fourth partner.  in the meantime, this was around the time kakuzu became somewhat more lazy about fighting. while he still valued money and strong opponents, for those he deemed weak or not worth his trouble, he typically ordered or allowed his partner take them. if pain wasn’t going to kick him out for killing three partners, then kakuzu would not going to go to the trouble of trying to fight weaklings for paltry pay. pain could do with that as he willed.  this fourth partnership was very uneasy. pain made it clear to kakuzu’s fourth partner that kakuzu killed his previous three partners, and that he should be on his guard---but, of course, he was certain he was strong enough to handle kakuzu. kakuzu’s partner, of course, was confident that he could, because all strong rogues always so confident in their own skills regardless of what they do or don’t know about their opponents. their day-to-day was frigid at best, with kakuzu usually electing to stay silent save for grunting orders and his partner acquiescing often enough but making it clear that he was ready to fight at any point. it was a tenuous partnership to be sure, and neither of them really trusted going into battles together in any capacity.  eventually, kakuzu killed his fourth partner as well and, as originally intended, took his heart. while it was a tough fight to be sure, his partner did not fully appreciate the strength of kakuzu’s threads, which was ultimately his downfall. kakuzu successfully harvested his heart, then proceeded to report to the akatsuki himself that he had killed his most recent partner. he even implied pain should supply him a stronger partner so kakuzu could have another free heart---or, perhaps, to save resources, just let him work alone. 

of course, we all know that didn’t work out. eventually, pain assigned kakuzu an immortal in hidan, successfully giving him a partner that would stick. this, in combination with their opposing personalities, is likely why kakuzu is so disparaging to hidan at all times---because he’s pissed he lost the war of attrition---but, ultimately, the pair of them worked well together in combat, so apparently there was something decent that came out of it.

[youreallyshouldtalkmore]

A Rose by any other Color

You know I had no plans to write Valentine’s Day related fics but aside from M’Baku’s that cropped up this week, this oneshot cropped up in a day. 

Literally today on Valentine’s Day.

It started mostly because for some reason I really wanted a rose from a guy today. In lieu of that, I figured I’d get my rose. That is what’s Wakanda’s for after all. So this T’Challa fanfic was born…..and then it got out of control, lol….. .

Tags: @chaneajoyyy​

You couldn’t lie to yourself that you were disappointed as you hung up the phone.

It seems that your boyfriend T’Challa would not be able to spend your first Valentine’s Day together since becoming an official item.  You long ago understood that many times his work and duties would keep him away. You admit this was the first time you felt a slight sting from it. You had hoped to spend Valentine’s Day with him but alas.  

One thing to be said, you were not going to be one of those women who pestered and bothered her man because he wasn’t always around. You’ve never been one and you weren’t going to start now.

You sighed and stood up, slapping your cheeks lightly.

Oh well, here’s to next year. You giggled to yourself. You had no plans on letting the King of Wakanda go anytime soon so there was no reason not to look forward to next year.

In lieu of spending Valentine’s Day with your man you were going to treat yourself to some lovin. You grinned and nodded to yourself as you thought about it. You’d do your hair and your facial masks. That 10 step skincare routine that you reduced by half (and you barely did that on a scedule) you would do that evening. You’d pamper your own self, thank you very much.

Yeah, despite the fact that T’Challa would not be in town as both of you had hoped you were not going to let that deter you.

The next day came and went as you went to work and came home. It was exactly one week before Valentines and you were minding your own business when your doorbell ring. You frowned. Who would that be especially this evening? You had no company coming over and you weren’t expecting any packages. You moseyed over to your door and looked out the peephole. 

A delivery man stood with a long gold box.

“Who is it?” you asked.

“Uh, special delivery for a Mrs. (Y/L/N) from Amber’s Boutique.”

You opened the door warily and looked at the delivery man. He handed a tablet which you signed before he handed you the box. You thanked him before going back into your apartment, locking the door behind you.

You cocked your head as you placed the long gold box on your table. Raising an eyebrow you tried to think about what this could be. After a moment you figured this made no sense to stand here and try to figure out what’s in the box instead of just opening the box.

When you did, you let out a gasp. Inside was a single peach colored rose with a ribbon tied around the stem. You picked it up gingerly and sniffed. It was a real rose too!! You giggled. Who would send you this?

You then noticed a small card and picked it up. It was clearly printed on pretty paper and read:

A beautiful rose for an equally beautiful woman.

Thank you for understanding and I apologize once more for this.

I intend to make this up to you.

T’Challa.

  “Aish….” you drawled with a grin that threatened to split your face, “...this is so sweet of you.”

To say you were shocked that T’Challa had this done was an understatement. You were not expecting a thing.

With a grin that wouldn’t quite waver and while gushing all over yourself you moved around the kitchen humming while you found something to put your rose in.

Afterwards you grabbed your phone and sent him a text, “Thank you for the rose! It was really thoughtful of you.”

You went to sleep that night with a smile on your face.

The next evening, you were once again minding your own business when the doorbell rang again. You had a sense of deja vu as you wandered to your door and peeped out the hole. The same delivery guy was there and you opened it suprise clearly displayed on your face. The same transaction was made and you took the long gold box to your table.

It was another rose this time a lavender colored rose. It also had a ribbon tied to it. You picked up the card that came with it and it read:

The first time I saw you, my world stopped.

And when you spoke, it started again.

Since then, my world has stopped and started like the wheels of fate.

I hope that it will continue at this rate.

T’Challa

 Seriously?

Was this man a poet and you didn’t know it?

Aiiiii…..he was going to have to in a puddle of goo at this rate.

And for the next six days, you were in fact a puddle of goo. Everyday, leading up to Valentine’s, six roses were delivered to you each evening, all of them different colors accompanied by a card with a message from T’Challa.

The third day you got a blue colored rose with a card that read:

Everyday, I am astounded that you have chosen me.

That you continue to chose me.

That fact that I have attained a rare jewel is enough to sink me to my knees in gratitude.

It seems an impossibility to wake up and know that you are in my heart.

T’Challa.

 The fourth day you got a yellow colored rose with a card that read:

I never knew it possible to that a friendship could turn into something more.

I never knew I could fall in love with my best friend.

That our love could be more than just passion

You are my best friend and I hope you will forever be

T’Challa.

  The fifth day you got a red colored rose with a card that read:

But even with our friendship there is something deeper that burns beneath the surface

How can it not, with your beauty?

How can I not wish that someday I will be able to show your my passion?

To hope that one day I will be worth enough to be allowed.

T’Challa

 You’d admit that one, made you go get your hand-held fan to calm yourself.

And one the sixth day you got a red and white colored rose with a card that read:

  It my fevered hope and my fevered wish that one day you and I become one

It is a dream I have and a dream I plan

And I know without a doubt that you are my chosen

T’Challa

 Your vase kept getting rose after rose, until the day of Valentines was here.

You were lying to yourself if you said you weren’t anticipating getting a rose that evening. You were lying to yourself if you said that you were purposely waiting around for the time when the delivery man ring your doorbell.

But this time he didn’t.

You were also lying to yourself if you said that you weren’t disappointed by this and that you didn’t meander around your living room for at least a hour, hoping that maybe the door bell would ring.

However, when it was clear that it wasn’t going to happen, you picked yourself up and decided to start on your self-pampering night.  You started your skincare routine mixing up a turmeric facial. You turned on some music while waiting for it to dry. Then you got your shower and watched your hair, deciding to exfoliate your skin today as well. Afterwards, you slipped into your pjs which were nothing more than shorts and a sleeveless shirt. Then you threw on a nice robe that you like to lounge around the house in.

You had dried your hair and was about to rip the package for a one-time used facial mask, one of many you had around the house, when the doorbell rang. You lifted your head up and wrinkled your nose.

Really?

You poked your head out of the bathroom to peer down the hallway to your front door. With a sigh you dropped the small package and began to walk to the door.

A knock on the door followed.

“Deja vu...deja vu….” you murmured under your breath.

You eased up and looked out the peephole before a sudden squeal left your mouth and you had unlocked the door faster than humanly possible before throwing it open.

“My King?” you asked looking the familiar man up and down.

T’Challa blinked as the door was suddenly thrown open before a smile graced his face upon seeing you, “So I can take it as you are happy to see me?”

In your shock the only thing you could say was, “The devil you doing here?”

T’Challa lifted his hands and it was then you noticed a familiar long gold box, “I managed to get away. I know it’s quite late. Am I still welcomed?”

You wordlessly stepped aside, taking in your boyfriend. He shrugged off his black coat and you hung it up in the hallway for him. He also paused to take off his shoes as you did not like people wearing outside shoes inside.

Afterwards he turned to you with a smile, “How angry are you at me?”

You finally smiled, the reality registering in your brain, “Don’t worry. I’m not angry.”

T’Challa followed you into the apartment, “Oh yeah? I figured you’d be angry.”

You turned to him and folded your arms, “I understand you have duties, T’Challa. I’m not angry. I was little disappointed but I got over that right quick. You don’t have to worry.”

You moved towards him to place your hands on his shoulders. You felt the tension leave him, as his shoulders sagged.

You grinned, “Now...what’s in the box?” you sang.

T’Challa laughed and held up the box, “It shouldn’t be that much of a surprise, though.”

“You are the surprise, my love. I just want my rose!” you playfully snatched the box from his hands before setting it on the table.

You wasted no time flipping the lid open as you felt him wrap his arms around your waist, resting his chin on your shoulder.

This time was a pure white rose. You picked it up and give it your customary sniff before looking for the card. There was none. With a quirk of your lips you looked over your shoulder at T’Challa.

“Where’s my card?”

T’Challa looked innocent, “What card?”

You twitched, “Don’t play. Where’s my card?”

T’Challa looked at the box before picking it up and shaking it. Nothing fell out. He put the box back down, “There seems to be no card, my love.”

You were trying not to laugh, “I don’t care about all that. I want my card!”

“You are a very demanding woman”, T’Challa drawled releasing you.

You turned around to face him, “Yes, I am. Now, where’s my card?”

T’Challa gaze became hooded as he leaned forward suddenly, hands planted on the table on either side of you, trapping you between the table and him. Your breath hitched as you leaned back a little, both hands still clutching your rose. You absently toyed with the ribbon that was wrapped around the stem. T’Challa’s chocolate eyes bore into yours, the emotion there heavy that after a moment you had to drop your gaze, no longer able to hold it.

A moment passed before T’Challa tipped your chin with his finger, “You innocence captivates me and has since the moment I met you…..”

You swallowed at his words, his voice husky as he continued, his lips hovering over yours, “....Your purity is one that I would fight to protect and one that I hope to cherish for a lifetime. Longer, if you would allow it.”

And then he pressed his lips on yours softly, like the kiss of a butterfly’s wings. When he pulled back his eyes captured yours.  As you gazed into his eyes, time seemed to stand still.

Only when a grin spread over features did you come back to yourself.

T’Challa drawled, “How was that? Acceptable?”

You were aware that your voice was airy as you spoke, “200 out of 100!!” you exclaimed.

T’Challa raised an eyebrow, “It seems your math is off.”

“I know what I’m saying!” you cried making T’Challa laugh before pulling back straightening.

You took this time to dart around him to your vase, on the table in the living room, to put your rose in. T’Challa notice it then, that you had all the roses he sent in a vase, the ribbons and cards laying on the table.

“You know I’m going to  marry you, don’t you?”

You almost dropped the ribbon as you untied it from the rose. You used the time it took to put the rose in your vase to get yourself together. Finally you turned and looked at T’Challa who stood with his hands locked behind his back, chocolate eyes boring into you.

“Oh yea?” you mentally slapped yourself for the fact that your voice squeaked.

T’Challa nodded solemnly, “Naturally. There can be no other options. You will become my wife and then your purity will belong solely to me and under my protection.”

Your hands reached for the couch and you held it for a moment. You found you had no words for this, try as you might.

Finally it was T’Challa that showed your mercy by looking away. He noticed the bathroom light was still on, “I must have interrupted something…..”

You took his out and was glad when the emotion that seemed to thicken dissipated slightly and you nodded thankful that your voice was about back to normal, “I was having a self-spa day.”

T’Challa raised an eyebrow as he looked back at you, “Oh yeah. I can tell you seemed to have washed your hair.”

“Yeah, I have to oil it down and I was going to put on my face mask. As you can tell I really wasn’t expecting company”, you said by way of apology.

T’Challa shook his head, “Don’t worry about it. Perhaps you will allow me to oil your hair.“

You nodded suddenly shy, “I would like that.”

You meandered back into your bathroom to gather your oil and comb before shutting off the light. When you came back T’Challa was sitting on the couch.

When you handed him the comb and oil, he spoke, “You said something about a face mask? What kind?”

“Uh…..” you rushed back to the bathroom to grab it before coming back out, “Donkey milk. Apparently the same kind that Cleopatra used.”

“Indeed.” T’Challa said looking at the back of the package. He handed it back to you, “Have you ever had a donkey milk bath?”

You sniffed, “What? No.”

T’Challa motioned for you to sit on the floor, which you did, his legs on either side of yours. You opened the jar and held it so that he could get some to put on your scalp. He parted your hair put the first stroke on your scalp before speaking.

“Well, not to worry. When you become by wife, I will have such a bath prepared.” 

You swallowed your tongue at that and almost dropped the jar as  you momentarily stopped breathing. T’Challa held back his laughter, as he rested his hands on your shoulders. You were hyper aware of his hands as they kneaded your shoulders.

“Are you alright my love?” he asked solemnly as if that didn’t just happen.

“Just fine!” you winced. There was that squeak again.  

T’Challa leaned down, his lips close to your ear, “It seems when I mention the word wife, you stiffen.”

With great effort you folded your arms, stilling holding the jar in one hand and huffed, “I have no problem with the word wife.”  

You were happy to report you did not stutter over the word either.

“Hmm….” T’Challa hummed, “....then perhaps it’s when I refer to you as my wife.”

That was exactly it but you weren’t going to give him the satisfaction.

“Eh, just oil my hair!” you cried holding up the jar of oil.

T’Challa didn’t miss a stride as he dipped his finger in and put some on your scalp, “Like I said, you are a demanding woman.”

You just snorted.

“And you will make a demanding wife. I look forward to that.”

You were choking on air again, unaware that T’Challa was giving a wicked grin.  

But honestly,......so did you. 

A.N: This is the chart that I looked at for the meaning of the rose colors. When I had this idea, that’s when this fic took off. 

Plus this is a pretty chart to me.

Alright and with this ends my Wakandan Valentine’s themed fic fest!! I hope everyone has a great Valentine’s tonight!! 

[bloojayoolie]

Anime, Apparently, and Ass: File: furies ipg (405 KB, 1296x968) 631157670 631165562 >»631166037 Anonymous 07/29/15(Wed)08:18:07 No.631156939 Alright boys, sit down for a tale of the most Autistic kid I have ever had the displeasure of running into Wolfman Greg >Re me >Be 16, around 2000 a popular kid either Kinda did my cwn thing really >Shared World History with this kid >His name was Greg il from arace and into autism >Greg at this point was quiet, and reserved, never did anything to get bullied >Especially after Columbine >Fnday b g to change soon >That Monday >Apparently Greg's parents had bought him a computer, and an Intenet connection sHe hvigusly hadn't showered at all since friday >He didn't really pay attention during class and was mostly drawing in his notebook >His smell was palpable Grea collected his things and headed for the door >Not before he bumped into a guy named Mike kewas hot pleased with Greg's odor >Greg stood silent for a moment >And then he did it Mike iust ushed Grea out of the way and made his way into the hallway and walked to his next class >The rest of the kids gave Greq a strange room for the rest of the day 631160061 631160215 631165562 >631165642 631165921 Anonymous 07/29/15(Wed)08:26:44 No.631158773 File: 1437110427545.ipg (418 KB. 1955x2048) day Appars sinstead he bought a gray hoodie, and some cloth >And sewed some years to the hood >At least he showered this time Greg didn't do his homework the night before >The teac her was this really nice vegan lady from Oregon >She was a little pushy with homework but that was it really ork to be passed up front >She askd theirs >"Greg? Where's your homework? >Silence 3She anproached his desk >The room was stranoely tense, before this Grea was a good student >She was standing at Greg's desk 3She reached out for a niece of paper she assumed was his homework >And then he snapped at her >Not like screaming or yelling, but he he bite her >The teacher gasped >Grea just got up and Naruto ran out of the room hing before and we were really taken aback by him trying to bite the teacher, but the way he ran >No one saw Greg for the rest >Apparently he got on a table, curled up into a ball and tried to nap Indian man in charge didn't care enough to bother him of the day until one of the Stoner kids reported seeing Greq in after school detention Anonymous 07/29/15(Wed)08:35:48 No.631160463 File: 1432672843827 ipg (1.79 MB, 5000x5000) 631160790 >631161301631165562 >Wednesday >Greg apparently wanted to make it up to the teacher euse er rold broke down vcle SOneele >She had what was left of a bug on her cheek that she missed She walked into class ten minutes after class started >She apologized for her being late >Greg walked up to her >Hood up >Shitty cloth ears flopping >She looked at him puzzled ant to tell me Greg? She was probably hoping for an apoloqy >Greg grabbed her face paper in his hand He nad lold And licked her cheek >And the bug quts too Grea then tueked the nanor into her breast pocket and sat back down >The teacher, as a testament to her character, pretended that never happened >The class went on as normal verge of tears the entire time while we were talking about the Boxer Rebellion When the bell rang again, Greg bolted full Naruto style out of the room >His hoodie came loose and fell off hair >Revealing a really shitty attempt at anime >After school as I was walking home I saw our US History teacher talking to the school cop >With her equally vegan and upset boyfriend there too We didn't see Grea for two weeks after that Anonymous 07/29/15(Wed)08:47:48 No.631162869 File: Scared ipg (67 KB, 656x584) 631163694631164020 631164078631164239631165562 Thursday, two weeks after the incident >Grea was back >If you think he was bad after a weekend of early 2000s Internet, Greg has been SCARED He clearly hadn't showered, at all He looked like he slept, ate and shat in the gray eared hoodie He reoked very poorly made tail to the back d >By this time we we The teacher decided to hold class outdoors for once to demonstrate some things >As soon as we got outside, everyone put themselves up wind of Greg Evnthing was coing fine we were discussing the Battle of Somme in the gentle Arizona winter Greg, what are you doing? >All eyes shot to Greg to see what horror we were about to witness with one hand in th He didn't andwor >Everyone turned back to our teacher PAnd then the digging got more ferocious e grounds keepers worked really hard to grow that grass!" >No answer, he kept digging Greg!" tensified Grestop ar Still nothing Mike stood up and started walking towards Greg to stop him had a foot deep hole about square foot wide >Fvervone stonned >Their faces when >Greg tumed around SAnd started to poo >Oh God the stench Evione flinned and oot as far away from him as possible >Greg managed to fill the entire hole up >He then lifted his pants And then buried it >The 9/10 goth girl fainted Greg got sent to the office And was sent home for the day 631164732 631164845631164983 631165088 631165130631165135631165162631165268631165307 Anonymous 07/29/15(Wed)08:56.32 No.631164486 631185639 22631166136 File: XaviOda jpg (19 KB, 320x240) Friday >Greg was tolerable that day, nothing happened The following Monday to class >Like realy late >The poor teacher marked him absent >Half way through the treaty of Versailles quess who showed up >And the horrar >We didn't see it at first, or for the next ten minutes we heard it Acnch >And not the normal granola kind >Like the wet, gross kind iting into a bone would make >The girl in front of Grea turneod around >She flipped her shit Greg what the fuckl" SA half eaten bird >He was late bec ause of this l aleo wotod to throw because he managed to catch a bird, kill it, and partially eat it The teacher approached him and attempted >Greg wasn't having it rescue the poor avian creature from this kid >A had o landed a bite on her >Mike had enough of this shit >Before he could react though Greg through his meal at him >The distraction worked o over a desk >He failed and landed face first on the tile >Luckily he had enough time to get up, spit out some blood and Naruto run out of the room eneheied te wcks of school bec ause of an infection though 31166912631166935631166956 631167039 22631167068 631167080 6311 Anonymous 07/29/15(Wed)09:06:19 No.631166557 ile: 1437626420912.ipg (298 KB, 1024x768) >About a week into our poor teacher's absence >The substitute put us in the computer lab to research some shit: Thanks to her fatness and her odor, she was immune to Greq's smell barrier >Qur schedule was fucked that day >They were having a assembly for 8th graders that would be attending next vear >So we only had our first class that >For eight hours We broke for lunch, nothing weird happened with Greg, yet. Swhen we got back though, shit started happening >Evervone had the post lunch sleepies >Half the class was napping at their terminals was helping the 9/10 aoth gid work on her Horror novel >Wasn't too bad except for some grammar errors >And we were flirting >The substitute fell asleep at some point, leaving Greg free to do as he pleased >And he was really pleasing himself T happened to glance up and catch it >Grea was jacking it pretty hard >He must have just started because no one seems to have noticed yet ou stanng a- OH MY GOD >The aoth gid This in tum drew attention to Greg Who happened to start climaxing >The next five seconds was beautiful the Grea nanicked mid cu >Instead of tuning off the computer a pushed the monitor off the desk p getting cum every the tard wranglers e ended >He was transferred out of regular classes >But this was not the end of Wolfman Greg d)09:19.31 No.,631168892 250x213) 29. File: 14315458 10401 gif (1.5 MB We went a month without Greg shenanigans l even managed to sleep with the goth girl a couple of times outside of class >He didn't speak much, but we nicknamed him "8 Ball 8 Ball didn't take Greg's shit, except for letting him growl or whine once in a while the end of Junior year we thought we had heard the last of Wolfman Greg >None >l unch time l was sitting with the Goth Girl, Marian and her gaggle of dark brooding sisters tables were >We were talking about Poe when it happened >The doors to the tard building burst open was Greg I watch him sprint out, howling >8 Ball no where to be seen en Grea wondered around for a hit before singling out prev This noor shy gid named Marissa >He snuck up behind her >Oh God dher to the table >And pretended to mount her >He had his dick out and was rubbing it on the back Wing like a woll te cattered f her sweater This had to be the final straw >This went on for what felt like forever 8 Ball finaly ehowed un after getting Arby's >Greg was expelled after this and labeled a sex offender >Marissa dropped out >That was the end of Wolfman Grea for high school I have ONE more, this happened six months ago Anonymous 07/29/15(Wed)09.31:26 No.631171137 File: LTXeu.ipg (127 KB, 800x853) Greg was allowed to join our class. Not join me in hitting that sweet pale ass in the back, and n the hood of my old CRX. I can drop that green text if omvone's interoster Six months ago seeing Greg He had left my mind entirelv >Driving through my old town to visit my folks >Then I see it >is that? >No fucking way >Holy shit its Tucking Greg Lom in furkino aw that he's got a sweet scooter and I'm on a second had liter bike >Nearly rear end a taxi >He pulls up next to me sna lcan fucking smell him through my helmet l nearly puke >Manage to distance myself from him and get to my parents place >Decide to meet up with some old friends for a nde >Step outside fucking Vespa in the neiahbor's drive wav >No >lgnore it and go cruise w hours later sVesna still th >Please no >Greg lives next door to my folks now Facebook Grea's folks died and he inherted a large chunk of change >Bought the house next to my parents > Is a complete neet. 1/2 A File: 1427957849766 ong (97 K s 07/29/15(Wed)09:38:56 No.631172339M 460x470) 631171137 anything but browse the Internet probably and do Wolfman things >Try to not let this crush my soul and crawl into my old bunk bed to sleep for the night >As l'm drifting off to the though of making the Goth Girl of yesteryear swallow my cum and calling it st'e furking howling >God dammit Greg >My boner is ruined It's loud too ing howling keeps me up until 3am L finaly fell asleep Wake up the next moming 60 through the day with my folks a shell of my formor self >lt happens aqgain >The terror is replaced with rage no window This is it "Greal It's 11 o'clock at night! I have to >Slam window home tomorrow and I need sleep! SHUT THE FUCK UP" SFall asleep and leave the next moming >A few months later mom calls me The cops entered Greg's home due to a smell complaint >Crea was deod >I inadvertently got him to kill himself ut the bou tom don It's now an empty lot >But I, and hundreds of others still remember Wolfman Greg God speed, vou magnificent. early furry trash bastard. Wolf man Greg