#I now headcanon that Dick isn't even remotely scared of how his father might react to stuff like this

[gothamite-rambler]

Nightwing (prodding his father's arm with his shoe): Batman? Batman? Hey, Batman?!

Batman (lying on the dirt ground in pain): What?!

Nightwing: You're clearly too… um, sore to drive. I'm going to take you home.

Batman (weakly raising his arm): You… can't drive the Batmobile! You're not equipped.

Nightwing: I’ve driven it before, you had me drive it when I was fourteen. Then I would take it for a joyride around Gotham when I was a teenager.

Batman: You what—? Oh, I felt a pop in my spine.

Nightwing (shrugging with a smile): I did a lot of things as a pre-teen and then when I got my license I really enjoyed taking the car for a spin. Did you know about the time I tried mushrooms with Roy?

Batman: What?

Nightwing: It was a crazy night. I’m definitely glad I tried shrooms once—never again. In the mix, I tried heroin; I can’t remember how—probably snorted it. Just know it didn’t go well. Thankfully, right?

Batman (surprised): You tried heroin? I knew it was odd that you could taste it.

Nightwing laughed, nodding.

Nightwing: Never did that again. It did give me a better reason to want to help Roy. It took time to help him, you know that whole song and dance.

Batman (exhaling as he spoke): No.

Nightwing: Whatever you say Dark Knight who took a drug called venom to become OP. As for me, I ended up in the hospital. The doctor was nice that night. Whew, glad I got that off my chest. Oh, and remember the time I snuck Kori into the pool house? When we first started dating, and then again when we got back together? The second time? Way better. Fun times!

Batman (staring at the sky, wondering if this was a nightmare): This can't be real. I must be hallucinating.

Nightwing: It’s very real. Don’t worry, this last confession isn’t that bad. Sometimes I would use the Batmobile to take Jason out for ice cream. People think we hated each other when he was a kid. It wasn’t like that; I was just going through a phase. But the ice cream always made things better. He was just a little kid back then!

Batman: He was fourteen! Why are you telling me all of this?

Nightwing helped prop up his father on his back and began to walk him to the Batmobile.

Nightwing: Because you’re too sore to stand up and scold me. I'm not afraid of you anymore either. Like, I was a teenager; I did teenager stuff.

Batman: Trying magic mushrooms and heroin isn't "teen stuff"!

Nightwing: Alfred told me you smoked weed while traveling to Germany at seventeen.

Batman sighed, clearly annoyed.

Batman: The keys are in one of my pocket. If you can just get me into the passenger seat, I’ll pull them out myself.

Nightwing: Awesome! Ice cream is on me.

Batman (begrudgingly): I want rocky road.

Nightwing: I knew you'd say that.