gothamite-rambler

[gothamite-rambler]

The years of the first Robin annoying Batman... It all started with a virtual meeting because in DC Skype technology existed early and actually didn't look like potato quality footage.

Batman was in the middle of a video meeting with members of the Justice League, discussing pressing world matters. Meanwhile, in a nearby corner of the Batcave, Dick, dressed in his Robin suit, was seen climbing the dinosaur statue.

Batman: The issue is—

Robin!Dick (shouting): Batman! Batman!

Batman (ignoring his son): The issue is—

Robin!Dick (standing on the dinosaurs head, shouting): Look! Look how high I climbed! LOOK AT ME!

Batman paused, sighing silently, clasping his hands together as he silently prayed his son wasn’t doing something dangerous.

Batman (whispering to himself): Don’t be on the dinosaur.

He turned around in his seat and saw what he feared. He let out a scream, causing those in the virtual meeting to stifle their laughter.

Batman: Damn it, Robin! What did I tell you about climbing that?!

Robin!Dick (sitting on top of the dinosaur’s head): I gotta wear knee pads when I climb.

Batman: Alfred told you that! You’re actually wearing them?!

Robin!Dick (patting his bike helmet): Yep, and a helmet, aren't I a good boy?

Batman: Get off the dinosaur!

Robin!Dick: No. Climb up here and get me!

Batman cursed under his breath, then reached for the emergency grappling hook and some rope.

Batman: Raising kids was supposed to be easy, I said. He doesn’t have that much energy, I said. Why is this my life? Hold on, everyone!

Batman excused himself and headed toward the dinosaur, while the Justice League members watched, entertained.

Wonder Woman: He’s going to fall before the kid gets down.

Green Lantern!Hal: Five bucks says he’s got a mat underneath that dinosaur because he’s definitely falling off.

A minute later, Batman had climbed up the dinosaur, but Robin kicked off the hook, causing Batman to land on the conveniently placed mat below.

Batman: Alright… now I’m mad.

Superman: Almost got him?

Batman: Eat a cactus!

Robin!Dick hummed happily, pulling out a Granola Bar and snacking while Batman moved to the front of the dinosaur, securing the rope to his side and using suction cup hand grips to climb higher.

Reaching the left side of the dinosaur’s head, Batman grabbed Robin by his own head and forcibly slid him down the dinosaur’s neck.

Robin!Dick (eagerly jumping): WEEEEE! Again!

Batman: No, not again! Grounded!

Batman then slid down the dinosaur’s tail. Robin!Dick swayed with an almost too-sweet grin. Batman exhaled heavily, visibly enraged at his disobedient son.

Robin!Dick: Your face is all red… Are you mad at me, Papa? I love you.

Most of the Justice League could be heard ‘aww’ing at the wholesome manipulation, but Batman wasn’t falling for it. Three minutes later, he was back at his desk, continuing the meeting with his son next to him, tied up with rope.

Robin, however, wasn’t upset. He simply rocked his feet and hummed a few songs.

Batman: Do you have anything to add, Robin?

Robin!Dick: Hmm… We should get better climbing gear. I kicked off the grappling hook with ease. Sloppy, Papa. Very sloppy.

Robin chuckled as he watched his father cover his face and grumble under his breath.

Robin!Dick: I also request that the Justice League buildings have vending machines with popular snacks and water.

Superman: That’s actually a good suggestion.

Batman: Do not entertain him!

Aquaman: This probably won’t help you feel better, Batman, but your son untied himself.

Batman sighed in defeat, realizing his son was jumping rope… with the rope he was tied up in. He shrugged, took a long sip from his coffee, and the members of the Justice League erupted into laughter instead of focusing on their serious discussion about world affairs.

[gothamite-rambler]

Former robins singing together much to Batman's annoyance

The four male robins (singing): Just let me take you to a better place. I'm gonna make you kiss the sky tonight. Yeah, if you let me show the way-

Tim (talking, interrupting the singing): Someone is flat.

Damian (lying): Not me... Must be you.

Dick (scolding tone): Damian.

Tim: I can sing, you're going through puberty.

Damian (cracking voice): I am not!

Jason: Damian, it's normal to have your voice crack unless you're Dick. Let's keep going.

The male robins started singing again as others in the building hear them, at one of the Justice League headquarters.

Male robins (singing): I'm so excited to see you excited, I'll take you to a better place, yoo-hoo! And, baby, you can love me on the way. We're flyin' up to outer space! I'm so excited to see you excited, yeah.

Stephanie was with the team and silently snuck over singing along.

Stephanie (singing Justin's part): You like the bass down low, I wanna lose control, I wanna dance all night, you like it nice and slow.

Jason (singing JC part): Don't want it any other way, tell all your friends you're gonna stay. When we're together, you know that we do it better.

Both (singing together): I don't mind if the world spins faster. The music's louder, the waves are gettin' stronger. I don't mind if the world spins faster, faster, faster, faster.

Batman (ruining the fun): What is going on?!

Stephanie (talking, knowing smirk): Right on cue. I knew he'd storm in and ruin the fun.

Tim: That's why you joined in?

Stephanie: Obviously.

Green Arrow: Um... I'm hopefully speaking for the room, can you finish the song?

Batman (shocked): What?

Flash!Barry (bringing a chair): Batman is right, we need to sit for this. At least I do. Alright, you can start whenever.

Batman: That's not what I implied!

Flash!Barry: Who votes on them finishing the song?

Flash and every other JL member who entered the room raised their hand. Batman sighed, accepting he was outnumbered.

Batman: Well the crowd has spoken, finish the stupid song.

Stephanie: Wait, wait, wait, I vote we start over since I just joined.

Dick: That works, we needed a soprano.

The five robins began singing, with their new audience enjoying the mini concert and some recording the moment. Batman sighed, but pretended he didn't enjoy the show his kids were putting on.

Song: Better Place from the trolls movie

[gothamite-rambler]

Red Hood prefers to cope with his situations in Gotham and during missions by singing, especially to avoid killing. Being a theater kid, he can sing well, Talia even helped him improve his skills. Batman disapproves of this, believing it makes them seem less intimidating. He's also tired of Jason using lyrics from Epic the Musical to taunt him.

Here's the thing: Jason actually enjoys the musical, loves singing, and enjoys irritating his father. This often leads to many moments where he sings loudly and proudly, especially when Batman demands he stop.

...

Red Hood grasped a megaphone and boomed out a challenge to his adversary.

Red Hood: Hey, Cyclops!

Black Mask (insulted): Rude.

Undeterred, Red Hood launched into a passionate, sung tirade, his voice echoing through the streets.

Red Hood (singing): When we met, I led with peace, while you fed your inner beast. But my comrades will not die in vain, their memories will forever remain.

Batman, standing beside Red Hood, glared at his son's impromptu performance.

Batman: Why am I stuck with you when you sing?

Red Hood (improvised singing line): Cuz I can't kill while I'm in Gothaaaaam!

Batman: Give me the megaphone.

Red Hood swatted at Batman's attempts to grab the megaphone, continuing his song.

Red Hood (singing): Remember them the next time that you dare choose not to spare! Remember them! Remember us! Remember me!

Black Mask raised an eyebrow, seemingly impressed despite himself.

Black Mask: It's not just the singing pissing me off, it's the fact he's got a damn good voice too!

Gary his henchman nodded in agreement.

Batman (trying to intervene): Ignore the singing, he's doing this because I won't let him kill you. Give me the megaphone! Give me the-Ow! Stop slapping me!

In a bizarre fighting, Red Hood and Batman slapped hands together, leaving both their allies and enemies perplexed. Red Hood quickly shoved Batman away, finishing his song with vigor.

Red Hood (singing): I'm the reigning king of Crime Alley, I am neither man nor mythical. I am your darkest moment, I am the infamous… RED HOOD!

Batman: He already knows who you are!

Red Hood hung the megaphone from his shoulder, a smug grin spreading across his face.

Red Hood: You don't have a flair for dramatics, and it shows. That's a you problem.

With a flourish, Red Hood turned and walked back to his car, a few of his goons applauding his performance. Black Mask, on the other hand, let out a disgusted groan.

Batman groaned walking to his car as the cops dealt with the criminals.

Black Mask: I hate that guy.

--------------------------------------

Red Hood (singing): The line between naïveté and hopefulness is almost invisible. So close your heart. The world is dark and Ruthlessness is mercy...

Red Hood faced the goons his malicious leer concealed by his helmet.

Red Hood (coldly): Die.

Three hours later when Jason has returned after saving his brothers.

Bruce: You fucking sang a song before gunning them down?! Who does that?!

Jason: I do! Feels great!

Bruce: Don't be proud of that. You did not have to kill them! We've been over this!

Jason (while eating chicken): I took no pleasure in their pain. We only wanted to escape.

Bruce (shouting as he pinched his forehead frustrated): STOP QUOTING THE SONG!

Jason (chuckling): Nope. I agree with your whole "I don't need to kill every criminal" thing. I usually can avoid taking a life when dealing with you guys, but these men were about to kill my brothers. They're my boys. I will protect them at all costs. Ruthlessness brings mercy upon—

Bruce: Zip it!

Jason took a sip from his wine glass after Alfred poured him another glass.

Dick (icing his head): Honestly he has a pretty good singing voice and he did save us.

Bruce: Oh, would you shut up! You do the same nonsense. No one will take you seriously when you sing at random!

Dick (sarcastically): You wear a latex bat suit, have a former cat burglar girlfriend and monologue to look smarter than you are!

Jason (adding to that): Let's not forget to add that he has monologues pre-written to use.

Dick: Yes, so Bruce while we do love you have several seats.

Jason: And shut the hell up or you're done for!

Bruce: My monologues are necessary and- That last line was another song line?

Jason: Yeah, I love the musical so much! It's not entirely accurate to the novel, but I enjoy the different interpretation.

Dick: And the song lyrics you use really annoy Bruce.

Jason: Right? It's a double win!

Bruce sighed in frustration, rubbing his forehead as the song lyrics kept running through his head, impossible to get rid of.

[gothamite-rambler]

your the 5th acc that i found that had one of your dc posts put in a minecraft parkour tiktok. thought i should let you know •^•

This is like the third tiktok that does that. I'm not sure how to feel, I worry some people hate me for the stuff I post but lol can't avoid that.

Thanks for the heads up though. 😊 I feel silly putting in the "the bastards that voted for Jason to die are still living." I was being hella petty.

[gothamite-rambler]

Jason Todd entered the gas station in the middle of a robbery. One customer was on the ground, clutching a gunshot wound to his stomach. A little girl was sobbing in fear, the cashier was nervously stuffing money into a bag, and the gunmen was pacing and panicking.

Gunman: It wasn’t supposed to go this way! I just wanted the money and to leave! It’s your fault for screaming!

The gunman aimed the gun at the young girl, making her freeze in horror.

Gunman: I wanna die. I wanna die!

Jason: I think you should.

Gunman (turning to Jason): What?

Jason: You’re of no use to society. You’ll waste innocent taxpayer dollars, abuse the weak legal system, and enter a cowardly plea of insanity to a morally bankrupt defense attorney. For what?

While Jason waited for a response, the young girl took a few steps to the side, away from the barrel of the gun, already pulling out her phone and recording the tense standoff.

Jason: Nothing to say? I figured. Oh, and once you're incarcerated, you'll cost taxpayers around 47 thousand dollars a year. So, you know what, make sure you point the barrel of the gun to the back of your throat.

Gunman (aiming the gun at Jason): I think I just changed my mind.

Jason (already drawing his gun): That is so not an option.

Jason shot the gunman once in the shoulder, then aimed for his head, causing the man to fall to the ground dead. The young girl gasped, slightly terrified, but that fear was pushed aside by relief at being saved.

Wounded man: That was... an awesome speech. I’m losing a lot of blood, but solid speech and shot, though.

Jason: Thanks. You can post that video, kid. Are you okay?

Little girl: Traumatized, but that’s Gotham for you, right? On my tenth birthday, I saw the Joker launch a weather balloon filled with wasps... that was not a fun day.

Jason: Usually isn’t when he’s escaped. Anyway, I need smokes. Do you have Newports?

Cashier: Uh, sure. You have to stay here and talk to the police, though. I’ll vouch for you, but I don’t want to be blamed for this guy’s death.

Jason: That’s fine.

[gothamite-rambler]

Bruce and Duke were in the Wayne kitchen, Ra's and Talia paid a visit, but Duke remained distrusting of Ra's Al Ghul's presence. Bruce enjoyed this so the two were having a chat that involved trash talking the man.

Duke: Ra’s came from a time when a woman wearing a skirt above the knee was a stoning offense.

Bruce: He lived before France said it was okay for women to wear pants.

Duke: When he was alive, slavery in America was still going on, and that old bastard did nothing to stop it.

Bruce: When he was alive, I’m pretty sure books were just starting to become a “popular new item.”

Duke (laughing): When he was alive, Einstein was being born.

Bruce: Typewriters were—

Ra's Al Ghul spoke up, having listened in on the entire conversation and silently entering the kitchen.

Ra’s (shouting, fists clenched): I am standing right here!

Bruce (dryly, indifferent tone): You are... Thank you for making your presence known.

Duke sprayed Ra’s with his super soaker gun, labeled "Holy Water" on the front. Ra’s shouted Arabic insults as water sprayed in his face.

Ra's (shouting): I am not Satan you buffoon! Demon's Head is just a title I gave myself!

Bruce (crossing his arms, enjoying the show): He might be lying Duke, spray him again.

Duke obliged with a smirk, Ra's raised his cane, but Duke was prepared

Duke: I dare you to strike me. I double dog dare you, and I will whup your ass!

Ra’s: You lay a finger on me, and—

Duke (dryly): I’ll burn from touching your demon body.

Bruce covered his mouth chuckling. Ra's gave Bruce a side ways glare.

Ra’s: I should’ve seen that coming. Bruce, stop enabling this behavior.

Bruce: You're not my boss.

Duke: That's right, and I follow the Lord. You don't scare me old demon man.

Ra's: I will only say this, I am not old not the devil! I simply have more experience than both of you!

Duke: When you were a young adult, was your idea of fun writing on papyrus or having story time by the campfire?

Bruce: Was it normal to call a free-thinking woman a witch when you were Duke's age?

Ra’s: I never agreed with accusing women of being witches and burning them! Campfire stories are a timeless activity, and you both are children compared to me!

Duke (raising his water gun): Were you friends with the snake that cursed humanity?

Ra’s shook with rage, ready to strike Duke with a mallet, but quickly changed his mind when he remembered his grandson actually cared about Duke.

Ra’s (whispering): Your grandson likes him. You can’t kill him. Your grandson likes him. You can’t kill him.

Duke: Bruce, does he low-key scare you sometimes?

Bruce: When I was younger, yes. But then I married his daughter, that got annulled, and his grandson is my son. A lot of that intimidation and mysticism faded during all of that.

Duke: Makes sense... Does Talia have a sister?

Bruce: Not a likable one.

Duke: Dang it… Hey, Damian, does your mom have a hot cousin who looks like her but is my age?!

Damian, having overheard that from the kitchen, hurried over holding a small baseball bat. Bruce grabbed the bat before it made contact with Duke’s head.

Damian (shouting angrily, pointing at the young man): Stay away from my mother and cousins! Father, make him stop! It makes me angry!

Bruce: He’s just messing around.

Bruce shooed Duke away with a knowing smile, hinting that he knew Duke wasn’t joking about dating a family member of Talia. Duke nodded, whistling a happy tune as he walked off.

Bruce: He made Ra’s angry, if that helps.

Damian (pouting angrily): It does a little.

[gothamite-rambler]

Hey just jumping back in to add to this reblog first to say that the person who added this stuff 100% agrees with almost everything really. I especially like the whole Dick Grayson became a cop because of the corruption and Bludhaven it actually makes a lot of sense and while I could see his family not agreeing with it ... it makes sense that he would become one and to add to my reblog

Barry Allen is not the original flash but he is a scientist and actually super smart.

This is not really a Canon but I feel like Superman enjoys cheesy terribly written romance novels.

Stephanie Brown 100% hates her father and the only reason she doesn't kill him is because Batman was able to stop her from doing it.

Lady Shiva may not be the best mother but she is 10 billion times better than Cassandra's father which isn't saying much but still.

Bruce is actually super close to Cass and when he finally got her to move in with him he let her be adopted when she was 17.

Hey guys just a daily reminder as a DC fan:

Hal Jordan wasn't intentionally written to get with that alien girl and the guy who changed it to that got arrested for, say it with me now, being a diddler. We hate him not Hal.

Grant Morrison has admitted regret for retconning Talia as a rapist and it can be argued it's not canon but if it's not...

You don't have to accept every canon, the writers sometimes don't.

Zatanna is canon closer to Bruce's age.

Roy and Oliver have made amends.

Batman is canonically Jewish on his mother's side.

Talia and Ra's are Arab and Chinese and have brown skin.

Jason Todd wasn't the angry Robin.

Bruce Wayne and Jason did have a good relationship and there wasn't something that secretly matter with him.

Jason was NEVER mad at Bruce for not saving him. Just for the Joker still living.

The bastards who voted for Jason to die are still living.

Jason actually does forgive and forgave two face for killing his dad.

James Gunn is handsome... That's mostly for me.

Anything you want to add comment or reblog!

[gothamite-rambler]

Hey guys just a daily reminder as a DC fan:

Hal Jordan wasn't intentionally written to get with that alien girl and the guy who changed it to that got arrested for, say it with me now, being a diddler. We hate him not Hal.

Grant Morrison has admitted regret for retconning Talia as a rapist and it can be argued it's not canon but if it's not...

You don't have to accept every canon, the writers sometimes don't.

Zatanna is canon closer to Bruce's age.

Roy and Oliver have made amends.

Batman is canonically Jewish on his mother's side.

Talia and Ra's are Arab and Chinese and have brown skin.

Jason Todd wasn't the angry Robin.

Bruce Wayne and Jason did have a good relationship and there wasn't something that secretly matter with him.

Jason was NEVER mad at Bruce for not saving him. Just for the Joker still living.

The bastards who voted for Jason to die are still living.

Jason actually does forgive and forgave two face for killing his dad.

James Gunn is handsome... That's mostly for me.

Anything you want to add comment or reblog!

[gothamite-rambler]

Stephanie: I read Vixen Tomfoolery in my Spicy Gals Book Club. It went like this.

Fifteen minutes of the most smutty, raunchy, and weird alien men having sweaty, strange sex with horny women later...

Stephanie (chill tone): It had an Ice Planet Barbarians vibe, but not as spicy as I hoped. I loved it regardless.

Jason (hugging himself, feeling grossed out): What is wrong with you?!

Stephanie: I read crazy smut, don’t judge me!

Jason: I’m not. Read what you want. But why was there so much finger play?

Stephanie: Because it stimulates the—

Jason (covering his ears): Lalalala! I don’t want to hear it again!

Stephanie: Oh, grow up. I’m not keen on fingers in that area, but I did enjoy the spiciness, if you know what I mean. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge.

Jason sighed, laughing as he remembered he hadn’t even mentioned his own book yet.

Jason: Beach Read wasn’t as hot and heavy as yours, but I did enjoy it.

Stephanie, giving him a doubtful eye-roll, sat back on the couch, taking a few sips from her purple tumbler.

Stephanie: Give me the details of your book. It might not have my kind of spice, but I’m curious about the plot.

[gothamite-rambler]

Catwoman walked down the alleyway, humming to herself as a gym bag was slung over her shoulder. She was tempted to be caught, yet also eager to slip away. Why did he have to be so alluring to her? She wondered about this ever since meeting him. She silently scolded herself for being attracted to a man in a batsuit, but it wouldn’t be the weirdest relationship she’d had.

Catwoman: I only stole a statue from a museum, every artifact there is stolen I'm just rese—

Robin!Dick (jumping from a hiding spot): Hi!

Startled, Catwoman took a step back, then sighed with a soft laugh when she saw it was Robin.

Catwoman: You startled me. I thought you were the Joker.

Robin!Dick (10 years old): I am a threat to be feared, but not that scary. Hi, Catwoman.

Catwoman: Hello again, little Robin. Are you still fighting crime with Batman?

Robin!Dick: Yeah! We’ve been on so many missions, fought evil aliens and everything.

Catwoman: That’s good. And he’s not hurting you, is he?

Robin!Dick (shaking his head): Nope. He’s always had a jerk attitude, but overall, he’s a good teammate.

Catwoman (sweet tone): Alright. Remember, if he’s hurting you in any way, find me. I’ll cut off his… leg for you.

Robin!Dick: That’s morbid, but I respect it. You’re crazy, but nice. My mama was nice too… I miss her.

Catwoman (hugging Robin): Aww, you poor thing. I bet she’d be proud of her little one.

Robin!Dick: Mm-hm, especially because I led Batman right to you.

Catwoman sighed, accepting that this was just how things would go. Once she pulled away from the young sidekick, she turned around, and froze when she saw Batman standing behind her. His towering height, usually intimidating, was just a faint shadow tonight, and she couldn’t help but give him a playful boop on the nose.

Catwoman: You used your sidekick as a trap? Clever, but it made me more suspicious of you.

Batman: You give me headaches.

Catwoman: That’s not the only head I can give you.

Robin!Dick: What?

Batman (blushing): She means flipping a coin. Catwoman, you’re under arrest, and I’m not abusing my son!

Robin!Dick: Aww, Papa, you couldn’t if you wanted to. I’d squeal to CPS super quick.

Batman: Robin, be quiet, or you’re grounded.

Catwoman: You don’t ground this angel. He’s smart and adorable. And I brought him cookies.

She reached into her gym bag and handed Robin a box of Girl Scout cookies. Robin took them with an eager grin.

Robin!Dick: Peanut butter sandwich cookies… my second favorite! This is the best night ever!

Catwoman: I had to pay for them, too. Those Girl Scouts don’t mess around. Even you can't handle them, Batman.

Batman was too busy covering his face to respond. Catwoman pretended to sneak away, but the Dark Knight anticipated her move, yanking her back by her sewn-on tail.

Catwoman: Any other man pulling my tail usually won't walk away unscathed, but for you, I’ll let it slide.

Batman: I don’t like you like that… Get your mind out of the gutter.

Robin!Dick (munching on cookies): Didn’t you call her a “stunning vixen of the night” when talking to—

Batman: Grounded! Grounded! Catwoman, under arrest, and you’re grounded too.

Catwoman giggled, playfully swiping her claws in the air, while Robin laughed at his embarrassed father.

[gothamite-rambler]

Jason finished up a job, and he and Roy were cleaning up the mess, mostly using bleach to scrub blood stains, when a knock at the door interrupted them.

Jason (after opening the door): Um, hello?

A blonde pizza girl stood at the front door, her eyes widened for a second. The initial rush of fear faded quickly when she saw Jason.

Roy (whispering): Why would you open the door?

Jason (pointing at the pizza): They have food. Hi.

Angie (Delivery girl): Hi, I have a large pizza for—

Jason (finishing the sentence): Jared?

Angie (peeking behind Jason): Yeah, um, not to be nosy, but he’s dead, isn’t he?

Jason: Yep.

Angie (nonchalant): I figured his time would come. He was a huge creep, but he never went to jail. Apparently, they couldn’t charge him without evidence. The guy got caught in ladies bathroom at the mall, holding cameras, but that wasn't enough for the cops.

Jason (laughing angrily): Oh, the evidence was on his computer… lots of files. He even separated them into subjects and that was the tip of the iceberg. He’s dead now. Did he leave a tip?

Angie: Never does, but he did pay over the phone. So… here ya go.

Jason opened the pizza box, it was Hawaiian pizza, and unlike most people, Jason enjoyed this kind of pizza.

Jason: Pineapple and ham on pizza with bacon bits… Yeah, I’m eating this.

Roy (staying hidden on the other side of the door): That’s for you, brother. I don’t eat pineapple on pizza.

Jason: Tomato sauce is already on pizza! It already has fruit, this is just a sweeter addition. Sorry ma'am I'm talking to my friend and we gotta get back to cleaning. This is for you.

Jason pulled out a hundred-dollar bill and handed it to the pizza girl.

Jason: For your troubles, and because he never tipped.

Angie: Oh, awesome! I won’t have to deliver to him anymore, and I get a hundred bucks tip? Thanks, dude. Have a great night!

Jason: You too, ma’am.

Jason closed the door, then walked over to the dead man’s body and headed to the kitchen. Roy shrugged, frustrated he'd have to clean along for the next twenty minutes while Jason ate pizza.

Jason: I’m taking a snack break. I wonder if this guy has a Dr. Pepper.

Roy (mopping the floor): You and him have the worst food tastes.

[gothamite-rambler]

Tim talking to his younger self

Tim traveled back in time and found his younger self, a new Robin. Seeing his younger self’s bright eyes, genuine smile, and living parents calmed Tim. He wasn’t angry or resentful, just calm. The younger Tim perked up at the sight of his older self.

Young Tim: Wow, you’re me! I didn’t think this would ever happen!

Adult Tim: It’s… happening.

Young Tim: You look so cool! We didn't get any taller?

Adult Tim (shaking his head): No, sorry.

Young Tim: That's okay in this case. We still look cool. We should probably not hug or shake hands, it might cause a time rift.

Adult Tim: That's what I've been thinking too. It's best to avoid any physical contact anyways, I don’t have long here. I have to hurry back to my time. Um, it was nice meeting... me.

Young Tim: That’s fine. I just have one question, my parents, will they ever be proud of me as Robin? Will Batman be proud of me? I don't want to disappoint any of them.

Adult Tim: I'll be honest when I tell you this... They’re going to be proud of you. They all love you and while this is going to sound cheesy, you'll always have a family that makes you feel... sane. I promise.

Young Tim: That’s all I needed to know. When you get back make sure to do something funny with Dick. Say it's from past Tim. I’d say “see ya around,” but I’ll be you. So… bye?

Adult Tim (smiling with a wave): Bye.

---------------------------------

Later, when Tim returned to his own time, he sighed contentedly after meeting himself. Dick walked over and placed a hand on his brother’s shoulder.

Dick: So, did you freak out seeing a baby-faced you?

Tim: Nah. I gave him some tips for life and told him something he needed to know?

Jason (teasing): That you wuv us?

Tim (lying): No! I told him to invest in Apple when he gets older.

Jason (eavesdropping while reading): You fool. You should’ve told him to invest in a couple of ETFs. That advice probably went over his head. Because you're both idiots.

Dick: Jason, read the Iliad silently if you don't have anything nice to say.

Tim (shrugging): He's fine. I’m glad I was nice to myself. And Dick, I love you.

Dick: Aww, I love you too.

Tim: Nut check.

Tim punched his older brother right in the groin, causing the ironically named Dick to whimper in pain and hunch forward. He groaned, but it earned a laugh from Jason.

Tim: That's from past Tim.

Jason: That’s family, right there. Always gotta hurt you to show they love you.

Dick silently agreed as he staggered over, knocking Jason out of his chair and flicking Tim on the forehead before pulling him into a hug.

Dick: You guys are assholes!

Tim: That’s just another way of saying we’re brothers. I love it.

[gothamite-rambler]

Batman in his 20s when he was depressed, but had the energy and body of a man who felt invincible (introduction of my OC, Angela Ito, Bronx born Korean on field reporter)

Batman (staring from the ledge of the GCPD station): Do you think if I jump from this height, I can land on my feet?

Jim (smoking): Have you since gained cat-like powers?

Batman: No.

Jim (flatly): Okay, then no.

Batman (standing on the ledge): I'm gonna do it.

Jim: Don’t.

Batman (crouching to stretch his legs, stoic tone): Oh, I’m gonna do it.

Jim: Batman, don’t!

Batman: I got this.

Jim (panicked): No, you don’t!

Batman suddenly leapt off the ledge, causing a shocked Jim to run over, terrified.

Jim: Ah, son of a—

Jim paused his panic when he saw Batman had already shot his grappling hook gun, the line already fired. Batman’s feet landed on a nearby window, then he lowered himself smoothly to the ground.

A young on-field reporter, Angela Ito, bored with the lack of news in town, was nearby and witnessed Batman’s impressive feat. Angela looked at her cameraman/boyfriend, Izzy, her eyes wide in shock.

Angela (chewing gum, Bronx accent): Did ya get that?

Izzy: I did! Holy parkour, I got that on camera!

Angela spat out her gum, then put on her best reporter voice and turned to the camera with a confident smile. Izzy gave a thumbs up that she was live in the studio.

Angela: Angela Ito, Gotham’s number one on-field reporter, here at the scene with Gotham’s latest hero!

Angela stepped closer to Batman, then spun around, microphone in hand.

Angela: Mr. Batman, excuse me! Over here! Batman!

Batman (pointing at himself?: Me? Yes?

Angela: Yes you! If you don’t mind me bothering you, I just wanted to say, your landing was astounding! It is wild to see you outside the tales from Arkham prisoners. We thought you were a myth!

Batman (prideful tone): Well, as you can see, I’m very real. Thank you. Hold on.

Batman turned toward Jim, who was on the roof of the precinct, waving faintly with a weary expression.

Batman: Hey, Jim! Did you see that?

Jim: Yeah! Did you do all that just to show off your grappling gun?!

Batman (holding up the tool): Partially! I made it myself. I’ll be back up in a minute.

Jim (accepting it): Yeah, okay. I’ll be up here, smoking… What is this life I have now?

Batman walked over to Angela, towering over her shorter stature, but she wasn’t passing up this chance, she signaled for her cameraman to step back.

Angela (reporter voice): I’m here with the so-called hero of Gotham! The- You’re Batman, right?

Batman nodded.

Angela: Gotham’s Batman! You performed an impressive landing with a grappling gun you modified yourself. Do you have any words before you sneak off into the night?

Batman: I should leave. But I do want to talk about this crazy crook I just defeated… Yeah, I got a minute. His name is Penguin…

[gothamite-rambler]

Zatanna (waving her wand around): I cast maid outfits for men!

As Zatanna's words fell, a puff of smoke materialized, and all the male heroes were in maid outfits with colors matching their hero suits. Flash yelped, crouching slightly as he tried to cover his hairy blonde legs.

Green Lantern!Hal: Hm... Neat. Figures I'd look good in it too. Sorry Jon.

Green Lantern!Jon rolled his eyes, unfazed. He wasn't mortified, more annoyed since it was cold outside and he was in a skirt.

Flash!Barry (hiding behind Green Arrow): Damn it Zatanna!

Batman (shrugging, indifferent): This look actually works for me. I have the legs and arms for this.

Wonder Woman was doubled over in laughter and unable to respond. Hawkgirl smirked as she looked at Hawkman in his maid outfit.

Hawkgirl: You surprisingly have the legs for that skirt too.

Hawkman nodded with a proud smile.

Superman (crouching, blushing): Zatanna, can you switch our outfits back! I don't like this pleated skirt! I like long skirts now.

Zatanna (amused tone): Didn't expect you to be so modest. Fine, after the female heroes take pictures I'll recite the spell.

Green Arrow sighed, blushing while his wife took pictures of him in his maid outfit, while Flash kept using him as a shield.

Flash!Barry: I wouldn't be as mad if I had time to shave my legs!

[gothamite-rambler]

Carrie Kelley (in her Robin suit), Jon (in his Superboy suit), and Lian (in her archeress Maid Marian suit) stood together, watching a figure fall from the sky. It was Damian (in his Robin suit), having been pushed out of a plane and descending quickly toward the ground.

Jon: Where is he? He said he's close and I can hear him screaming.

Carrie gasped and pointing to the falling person a few feet away from them.

Carrie (adjusting her glasses): What’s that falling from the sky?

Jon: Is it a bird?

Lian: Is it a plane?

Jon: Dad, you’re right here.

Clark (squinting): That’s Robin, falling from the sky.

Jon: Oh no! Don’t worry, best buddy, I’m coming to save you!

Jon flew up into the sky, catching his friend with ease. Damian crossed his arms, his expression blank.

Damian (snide tone): Took you long enough.

Jon (sarcastically): Oh, it’s actually pronounced 'Thank you'!

Damian (mumbling): Thanks.

*in my fanfic and story Lian became a hero like her father and grandfather. Her costume is a purple girl's version of a Robin Hood costume with bows (not the arrow kind) on her suit, purple armbands and a purple eye mask. DC will never do anything with her, but in my canon she's a team member with Damian and Jon. Carrie Kelley is a real character from the Frank Miller Batman run.

[gothamite-rambler]

Damian (worry in his voice): I just found out that cow tipping is a thing and ... Is it real? Don't let it be.

Bruce: It's an urban legend. One person can't knock down a cow, but it started as a rumor because people thought cows sleep standing up. Cows and horses both can and do sleep laying down.

Damian: Yeah, but what does that have to do with wanting to knock them down?

Bruce: It's mostly used to insult country people. Basically they have nothing to do so why not tip a cow? That's also not true, people who live in the country aren't going to harm cows... Like that at least. Is this about Batcow?

Damian (frowning): Yeah... I don't want her to get hurt.

Bruce (reassuring tone): I wouldn't worry about it, cows are usually difficult to surprise and they're not statues. I promise you four people could try and a cow still wouldn't fall down.

Damian: That is a relief to learn. I'll go tell Batcow this. Thank you baba!

Bruce (happy to be called baba): Your welcome.

Damian ran off to the area where Batcow was laying on the grass and relaxing in the sun. He hugged his pet cow with a smile.

Damian: Good news, no one will be able to tip you, but just in case, remember it's perfectly fine to kick strangers who try to attack you.

Batcow mooed in agreement. Damian gave her gentle head pats in response.

Damian: I love you Batcow.

[gothamite-rambler]

Jayrose fic #1 due to the fact I forever ship them together (but the other ships he has are fine by me)

Raven, Rose, and Garfield were at Rose's townhouse having brunch together. Rose paused her chatting to text Jason, making Raven roll her eyes in disgust.

Rose: You guys are going to have to head out in forty minutes. Jason is back from his mission, and we’re going to reconnect, if you know what I mean.

Garfield (correctly guessing): Sex?

Rose: Making love, but sex is just another word for it.

Raven (pushing away her pancake): I wasn’t hungry anyway.

Garfield: Raven, they’ve been dating for almost a year. Stop being a hater.

Raven: I don’t trust him, and he can be such a jerk.

Rose: Aww, Rachel, he thinks the same about you. That’s why I’m glad I have you as my bestie.

Raven: Whatever. Let’s talk about something else. What’s the first thing you usually do when you get back to Gotham?

Rose: Jason Todd.

Raven: I… I meant what activities do you do? Not who you meet up with.

Rose: Yeah… I answered the question. Jason.

Garfield (intrigued, clasping his hands together): Does it usually start with bedroom fun, or do you guys hang out in town first?

Rose (stirring her tea): Usually I surprise him at his place. Sneak in, dress up as a ninja, fight him, then we have sex.

Garfield (supportive as heck): That is… goals! Do you win the fight, or do you let him win?

Rose (crossing her legs with a playful smile): Oh, Garf, either way… I’m winning.

Raven (burying her face in her hands): Oh gods.

Garfield: This is going to sound super personal, but do you guys do oral on each other?

Rose: Personal? Garf, ypu can ask me stuff. Yes we do, but he does it more. Such a gentleman.

Garfied: That’s how it should be, right, Ray?

Raven (shaking her head): I’m trying to mentally check out of this conversation.

Garfield: Oh, aight. Anyway, Rose, Jason likes books, and there’s this big book fair in Gotham. You should take him there.

Rose (pulling out her phone): Tell me more. He’s a huge bibliophile, and I want to support his hobby.

Garfield: Okay, to start, there’s a website that can send him books every month.