gothamite-rambler

[gothamite-rambler]

Bruce should have a pavlovian trauma response to anything to do with Jason and the Joker and the other kids should 100% use it to their advantage.

Tim: *working in the batcave*

Bruce, walking in: Tim, you’re still here? you haven’t slept in four days, you need to take a break. get off the batcomputer before i lock you out of the system.

Tim:

Tim, blurting out of panic: -JASON’S GONE AFTER THE JOKER AGAIN!

Bruce, jolting up like a skittish deer: JASON NO-

Bruce: *jumps in the batmobile and speeds out the cave*

Tim:

Tim:

Jason, working on his motorcycle next to the now empty batmobile space: he literally said good morning to me like ten minutes ago. what the fuck is wrong with him that’s the third time this week.

Alternatively,

*Jason, walking past Bruce and Damian to leave the manor*

Bruce, chewing Damian out: -and this is the FOURTH TIME you’ve been suspended for fighting, if you can’t control yourself we’ll have to look at restricting your access to Robin-!

Damian: *gives Jason a pleading look over Bruce’s shoulder*

Jason:

Jason: *rolls his eyes*

Jason, as he leaves the front door: OH BOY, TODAY SURE IS A GOOD DAY TO TRY AND KILL THE JOKER!

Jason: *slams door shut and hides behind a plant*

Bruce, muffled from inside: JASON NO-

*crashes, Bruce barrels out of the house and rushes to get in his car and drive off*

Damian, watching him go from the doorway: you have my gratitude, Todd.

Jason, stepping out from behind the plant: anytime, kid.

[gothamite-rambler]

Catwoman: I don’t like your attitude!

Batman (insulted): My attitude?

Catwoman (mocking him): 'You’re just a jewel thief, so you wouldn’t know.' I am more than that! I go to church when it's Easter, I tithe with my own money, I work out, you think this body is natural? Like most is, but I have to exercise to look this stunning!

Robin!Jason: You look amazing too.

Catwoman: Thank you! I have layers okay! I'm not just a gold digger, I simply like jewelry!

Batman: You are a jewel thief! Your layers don't hide the fact you are a jewel thief!

Robin!Jason: I still stand by the point she can be a model, she's smart too and funny.

Catwoman smiled and handed the Robin a caramel hard candy for complimenting her. He ate it with glee.

Robin!Jason: She also carries candy and not in a weird way.

Batman: I don’t care how you got those candies. I don’t care if you’re conventionally attractive to some people, not me, but you are a criminal!

Robin!Jason (mumbling): Who dumped you.

Batman: I heard that! Shush!

Catwoman (poking Batman's chest): Instead of being so nasty all the time, maybe you could try being nice to me once in a while. Then maybe I wouldn’t find you so unlikable! As it is now, you’re as sour as a truckload of lemons.

Batman: THEN DON’T HANG OUT WITH ME!

Catwoman: FINE! When you wise up you can have this 5'6 Cuban perfection, but for now kick rocks!

Batman: Oh kick rocks? Kick rocks? Clever insult you femme fatale!

Robin!Jason: You... you realize you basically called deadly and beautiful, right?

Batman: You realize I can ground you, right?!

Robin!Jason whistled going quiet until Catwoman started to leave.

Catwoman stormed off, her hips swaying in her usual sexual way, but she was mad at Batman at the same time. Robin raced after her, shouting for her to come back.

Batman: Robin, get back here!

Robin!Jason: We need her help! Stop throwing her lifestyle in her face!

Batman: It’s not a lifestyle! She’s a criminal!

Robin!Jason: Who you have a crush on, and we need her help! Ground me if you want. Catwoman, wait, he’s just cranky, that’s all. He’ll be quiet, I promise!

Batman: I do NOT like her!

Jim (who had been silently observing the situation): If your kid notices, then you’re not fooling anyone.

Batman: You are not part of this conversation. Go smoke or something!

[gothamite-rambler]

I'll have to send my DC fan girl card to someone because. . . I like Nothing butt Nightwing and it's back baby! Yes, the title is dumb, yes it can be cringe and goofy at times, but damn it I'm gonna say it: I LIKE THIS COMIC SERIES! Yeah I said it. Who wants some? 👊 Lol I'm playing incant fight, but I've read the new chapters and still enjoy it.

I read mine on a free comic website btw

[gothamite-rambler]

Jim: Batman, your arm might be broke.

Batman: Oh, technically is. You see the bone popped out of place ... I'm in so much pain. Feels good.

Batman sighed contentedly, gazing at the night sky. Jim and Reneé Montoya looked at him with curiosity, wondering what he meant by that. Reneé leaned forward, glancing at Jim, then pulled back and took a drag from her cigarette, laughing softly.

Jim: You're in pain and it feels good? That doesn't make sense.

Renee (smoking a cigarette): Nah, I get what he means. There's just some types of pain you can replace with pleasure.

Batman: I learned it from monks.

Renee: Neat. You going to the hospital?

Batman (anticipation in his usually stoic tone): I have a doctor, but I can fix this here. Jim, grab my arm, the broken one.

Jim (reluctantly agreeing): ...I should ask why, but I want to see where this goes.

Batman: Smart man; grip my wrist tightly.

Jim grasped his friend's arm firmly. Batman steadied himself, taking several deep breaths, straightening his posture, and cracking his neck. Reneé stepped in between them, ready to observe what was about to unfold.

Jim: Oh, I'm definitely going to regret this.

Batman jerked his arm as Jim tightened his grip on his wrist, and a sickening pop echoed through the night air as a bone went back into place.

Troy, a new Gotham cop, arrived at the worst moment, hearing the sickening pop and the unsettling sound that followed. A faint, satisfied moan escaped Batman as he felt the tingling sensation of his arm realigning to its proper position.

Tony (cringing horrified): Jesus, Mary and Joseph! I didn't need to hear that! Why did he moan!

Reneé: Nice.

Tony: That was not what I needed to see tonight and I just got back from a crime scene for a man that was killed with a cinderblock!

Reneé: Oh, I forgot you used to live in Central City. Here's your welcome gift to Gotham.

Tony: God, the Flash's aren't odd like this, he's lucky the rent here is cheap!

Tony stormed off, muttering random words to distract himself from the unsettling sounds of the crack of a bone being reset and the satisfied moans of a man in a latex batsuit.

Jim (dropping Batman's arm): Yep... Yep... That moan is never leaving my mind. Ah well, we all have our kinks.

Jim sighed shaking his own hand that held Batman's temporarily broken arm.

Jim: The thing about kinks is that people outside the bedroom don't need to learn about them!

Batman (staring at the ground): Sorry about that... Jim. Whew, God that felt great. You know what, I should check on my girlf- I mean Catwoman. She's at her place. Needs protection from burglars in her neighborhood. I'll return to patrolling in an hour.

Reneé (seriously): Better make it two hours, Dark Knight.

Batman: You're right. If you see one of my kids tell them I'm patrolling.

Reneé: I got ya covered Batman.

Batman headed toward the Batmobile and drove away. Jim closed his eyes, tapping his forehead in an attempt to block out the sound and the image, but both were forever stamped in his memory.

Jim: I'm watching Terrifer tonight to block out what I just saw. Senseless violence should help right?

Reneé (handing Jim a cigarette): That or porn.

Jim: You're having more of an under reaction then I'm struggling to. You're younger than both of us!

Reneé: Jimmy, I've seen and been through my own exploits. I hooked up with Batwoman, this ain't nothing for me. I'm just glad he can turn the pain on himself and not on any of his kids.

Jim: That's reasonable. Troy, on the other hand might need to talk to the therapist tomorrow.

Reneé: He'll be fine. Come on let's get late night breakfast, my treat.

Troy paced around and covered his ears. Humming loudly to remove the sexual moaning from the Batman. The newbie wasn't aware this was the tame weirdness when it comes to being near Batman.

[gothamite-rambler]

A goon named Jerry, a mountain of muscle and scars, stood at the entrance, blocking Robin from entering. He refused the hero, who had a good amount of kills on his belt, entry.

Jerry: Batman, you may go in. No kid though.

Batman (not in the mood to have his son around many of his worse criminals again): Oh, thank you.

Robin: Hey, why can't I go in?

Jerry: No weenies allowed.

Robin (Damian) eyes widened and he twitched with anger. Batman sighed knowing where this was going.

Robin: I- I- I am not a weenie!

Jerry: Tiny, reminds me of my own child, weenie. Go to the car your father drivers.

Robin: No! Let me in!

Batman: Robin, go to the car.

Robin: I'm not a weenie! Tell him I'm not a weenie!

Batman: Will you go to the car?

Robin: Maybe... Tell him I'm not a weenie!

Batman: He's not a weenie. I can never escape references to that sponge show. This is the weirdest part of my night.

Jerry: How you think I feel? In Russia I never have to deal with child sidekick, especially one that reminds me of my precious son at home. He still a weenie though.

Robin jumped up and down shouting that he's not a weenie about five times. His voice got more high pitched with each shout. Batman sighed again then calmly picked up his son and walked off with him to the car.

Robin (pouting): I'm not a weenie! I’ve taken lives! I- I've got a kill streak. If I weren’t a hero now, I’d stab that lunkhead until he bled out!

Batman: Yes, yes, I hear you, your anger is... Valid. I do think it's best if you just stay here and keep watch of the car.

Robin: ... I'm not a weenie?

Batman: You're my son, of course you're not ... That.

Robin: Alright, I’ll keep guard outside. If anything happens, I’ll rush in to fight alongside you, father.

Batman: Works for me. Want a hug?

Robin: Yes, you give good hugs.

Batman and Robin hugged while Jerry watched from a few feet away. The tall body builder turned hired goon sniffled, wiping his eye.

Jerry: I have to call little one and wish him good night.

[gothamite-rambler]

Jason: When I took a seasonal job as a mall Santa, my girlfriend found what mall I was at, showed up and sat on my lap. She ... Did not bring a kid.

Tim (chuckling): What?! She actually did that and you were the boyfriend she was referring to?

Jason: Yes, sh- she told you about this?

Tim nodded chuckling.

Tim: Yep, she said she wanted to see how you'd react. What happened next? She was vague after-

Jason (interrupting, blushing): Oh, she left out the part where she was dressed as sexy Mrs. Claus!

Tim: Oh wow, seriously? Did she get a picture with you?

Jason: Yes, and she tipped me a lot... Kissed me, which thankfully my boss thought was cute... Whispered in my ear... said things my priest would scold me for and then she left. The positive... my lunch break started after that.

Tim: What was the negative?

Jason: I had to keep a red pillow on my lap for ten minutes thinking of things to make my... little buddy go down and that only gave me 20 minutes to get lunch. D- Don't laugh.

Tim silently took a sip of his boba tea quickly spitting it out and laughing hysterically. Jason sighed, blushing.

Jason: It's not that funny!

Tim: Yes ... Yes it is! Babs, did you hear all that?

Barbara (from the kitchen): Rose already told me, but I heard every detail. Ha! Jason, you are so shy!

Jason: I may be shy, but I didn't need to deal with that during Christmas. That's Jesus's birthday! Technically! Rose is lucky she's with a wild man like me.

Barbara: Bitch please!

Jason: Shush!

[gothamite-rambler]

You are weak, I am strong, so I let you win

Damian winning a fight with his grandfather without actually fighting, this was inspired by Dan Da Dan and while you don't have to agree, this is cute to see and I love interactions like this especially with a villainous family member and their good family member. It shows the villain is a bad guy, but not a 'bad' guy.

Damian: I don't bully the weak and elderly, so you win grandfather.

Damian laid down his fencing sword, then crossed his arms with a tiny smirk. Ra's blinked, unsure of what to say at first. A few seconds ticked by as Damian swayed back and forth, humming happily.

Ra's: Is that it?!

Damian: Yep, I concede. Good job grandfather, you won. I will give you golf claps accordingly.

Damian proceeded to give golf claps in the most conceding way, keeping a neutral expression as well. Jason cheered in the background like a golf fan from Happy Gilmore, making Ra's not only confused but now visibly incensed.

Ra's: That's it? You call me weak and just give up?

Damian: I wasn’t calling you weak, I simply don’t want to harm a frail family member like yourself. It's for your benefit.

Ra's: You did not just call me frail!

Jason: Hey bro, I don't think he knows what that word means! Define it for him!

Damian: Frail, definition: weak and delicate. Synonyms, feeble, fragile, infirm, decrepit.

Jason: And?

Damian (adding on with an effervescent tone): Slang terms doughy, geezer, fossil, old fogey.

Jason (instigating): Almost done.

Ra's (losing his patience): Stop being his damn cheerleader!

Damian: I'm almost done after this sentence. All of that is to say, you are not strong enough to endure strain, pressure, or strenuous effort.

Ra's: I… I… I… He used a dictionary of insults against me!

Damian: Grandfather, relax, you might break your pacemaker.

Ra's (enraged): PACEMAKER!

Jason: You know, the thing that makes sure your heart doesn’t stop. It’s for old farts like you!

Ra's: Okay, I can and will kill you if you don’t stay out of this!

Damian: Yes, Jason, you mustn’t anger grandfather. He’s a geriatric.

Damian patted his grandfather’s arm, only making the centuries-old man seethe with rage, steam practically pouring out of his ears.

Ra's: Fight me right now!

Damian (shaking his head): No.

Ra's: Fight me!

Damian: No, you’re weak.

Ra's (shaking with rage): I. Am. Strong!

Damian: Weak.

Ra's (clenching his fists): Strong!

Damian: Weak, frail, old. Bones break easily with you. Your knees pop in weird places. You were a teenager when the printing press was becoming a new invention.

Ra's took a few steps back, shocked to his core by that insult as he had heard it before.

Ra's: That Duke boy made that joke against me! Stop insulting me!

Damian: I’m just being honest.

Ra's: Spewing slander isn’t excused just because you call it ‘honesty.’

Jason (walking over to Damian): That’s ironic coming from you.

Ra's: I have taken down the strongest men when I was in my 60s! I can defeat my grandson in a fight! Now, spar!

Damian yawned, patting his mouth.

Damian: Nah, I need to rest.

Ra's (backing off when he saw Jason holding a knife): You… you… I am not a weak man... But you will fight me another day!

Damian: Oh, not today? Is it bedtime for you already?

Ra's: No! I’m ending this in a tie because you’re a child, and Jason’s holding a serrated dagger that he’ll use if I try to attack you. I can’t afford to sew that wound again!

Jason (closing said knife): Smart move.

Damian: That works for me. Jason and I are heading home now. Thanks for the sparring match. Make sure to take your vitamins.

Ra's: Get the hell out of here.

Damian nodded, resisting the urge to blow a raspberry since this was still his not-too-awful grandfather. He spun on his heel and left with Jason. His older brother handed him a fruit chew like he used to give when he was a little kid and Damian ate it happily.

Jason: Duke taught you well.

Damian: Indeed. I’ll thank him with a gift for that. And thanks for keeping watch.

Jason: It’s what brothers are for.

Ra's walked off, aggravated, defeated, yet oddly enough, impressed that his grandson had managed to win the match, not through fighting, but with reverse psychology. That was his blood, after all.

[gothamite-rambler]

Damian listened to music, the headphones blasting the song loudly while he sang to himself while reading. To him, he assumed his singing voice wasn't very good, but he wasn't completely alone.

Damian (singing): And I don't wanna learn another scent/ I don't want the children of another man/ To have the eyes of the girl I won't forget... I won't forget...

Damian hummed the rest of the song while his grandfather and father watched him from the opening to the Wayne library. Ra's, for a rare time, smiled with pride at his grandson's singing.

Ra's and Bruce (at the same time): He got that from me.

Ra's and Bruce glared at each other, then separated, walking down opposite ends of the hallway. Damian paused his music, peeking over his shoulder with a playful smile.

Damian: Hm, Jon was right, I do sound decent.

Damian shrugged, returning to reading and singing to himself.

[gothamite-rambler]

Red Robin: Which one of you goobers had a dozen pizzas delivered to my apartment! Red Hood: What? Oh my God Oracle, you actually did it?! Oracle: Did ya tip 'em? Red Robin: I had to! You could've at least got me plain cheese pizza over pineapple and meat lovers! Bernard (eating a slice): I'm not complaining. Oracle: Aww, I'm sorry... I also tipped the pizza guy, but told him not to tell you that. Red Robin (mad, but laughing impressed): You cheeky troll! Batman: I'm so sorry to interrupt this important conversation, but I would really love it if everyone got back to work! Oracle: Fun sucker. Batman: Get back to work.

Spoiler: I just had to explain to a mugger that I fell into a dumpster for tactical reasons. When I find which one of you messed with my grappling hook, you are going to become very well acquainted with glitter.

Oracle, through comms: *Snorts*

[gothamite-rambler]

Bernard: How petty can you be?

Tim: I once edited a Wikipedia article to win a debate I was wrong about.

Damian dropped his water bottle, his face turning red with rage.

Damian (shouting, pointing at his brother): SO YOU'RE THE BASTARD!

Damian charged at Tim but thankfully got restrained by Bernard. His arms flailed with rage as he attempted to grab Tim's throat.

Damian: I got teased for months by Jon for believing rhinos descended from unicorns!

Tim shrugged with a smirk.

Tim: It's not my fault Jon knew you would fall for it.

Bernard's restraint holding Damian didn't weaken yet, but he couldn't hold back laughing, which only made the former assassin angrier.

Bernard: I can only hold back your little brother for so long, don't piss him off more.

[gothamite-rambler]

Rose Wilson snuck into Jason's apartment through the kitchen window just as he was leaving the bathroom after a shower.

Rose (flirtatiously): You're already prepared.

Jason (clinging the towel to his waist): For what?

Rose (excited): Sex!

Jason (much confusion): Sex?

Rose: Yes! I'll be in the bedroom.

Without hesitation, Rose jumped over the counter and eagerly made her way to the bedroom, tossing her top out of the room as she got ready. Jason looked around, surprised at how quickly everything was unfolding.

Jason (pretending to talk to Rose): I took a shower after falling into a mud pit. Nah, I’m clean now. How are you doing? Good? Me too. Oh, want to have sex before I can even relax for the night? Sure, babe.

Jason sighed, rubbing his forehead, while his cat Austen meowed from the couch.

Jason: I’m not passing this up, just send a quick text first before sneaking in for sex. I am still a human man!

Rose (poking her head out of the room): Where's the fun in that? Get in here, Heracles. I’ll make it up to you.

Jason: You called me Heracles instead of Hercules. Damn, that was sexy. Fine, let’s do this.

Rose: Woo-hoo!

[gothamite-rambler]

The Titans had to recover important tech and a criminal who stole it without the Justice League knowing. They wanted to avoid lectures from the older heroes, especially Batman, for what was a genuine accident. While some of the Titans were heading back with the recovered items and the crook, Nightwing volunteered to keep the JLA from finding out what was missing. He was a champ at keeping secrets.

Kid Flash: Are they back with—

Beast Boy: They're close.

Kid Flash: Good. And how’s it going with the stalling?

Beast Boy: Batman hasn’t throttled his son yet.

Kid Flash: He won't, but he might throw a chair.

Meanwhile, in the meeting room, Nightwing was busy stalling his father and the other JLA members. Most were just annoyed and tired, but Batman was seething with anger that didn’t scare his son.

Nightwing (in the middle of a 6th story about his week): And then I did a double somersault that—

Batman (slowly losing it, shouting): Stop stalling!

Nightwing (pretending to be shocked): Whaaaaaaat? Stalling? Me?

Batman (poking his son's head): Yes, you are stalling and I don't know why but I want you to quit it!

Nightwing (innocently): I don’t know the meaning of the word.

Batman: You’re a smart person. You know what stalling means!

Nightwing (tapping his chin): Aww, papa, you do think I'm smart.

Batman blushed, ignoring the laughter from the other JLA members.

Batman: You're stalling while stalling to embarrass me? What are you up to?!

Nightwing: Stalling? I’m not stalling anything.

Nightwing (looking away with a smile): No, I’m not.

Batman (brows furrowed): Yes, you are.

Batman (chuckling angrily): Yes, yes you are, you’re stalling right now.

Nightwing (acting like he misunderstood him): I'm Joseph Stalin?!

Batman: That's not funny!

Flash's laughter in the background suggested otherwise.

Batman (poking his son angrily): Stalling!

Nightwing: I’m stalling?

Hawkgirl: Batman, we should just-

Batman (shoving Hawkgirl out the way): I got this!

Hawkgirl (shrugging): Sure you do, detective.

Batman (returning to his argument that he was losing): STALLING!

Nightwing (checking his nails for dirt): Stalling? I don’t know about that.

Batman: You’re stalling us!

Nightwing: No, I’m not.

Batman: You are!

Nightwing: I’m not, though.

Ten minutes later…

Nightwing (texting Kory): So… you think… I’m stalling?

Batman screamed and walked off to collect himself. Nightwing swayed on his feet, humming happily. His joy only angered his father more because he couldn’t figure out what Nightwing was stalling for or hiding.

Hawkman: Know what this reminds me of? Duck season! Rabbit season! Fire!

Hawkgirl agreed, laughing.

Hawkgirl: Nightwing, you’re precious, but are you sure you want to keep this going and not tell us what’s actually happening?

Nightwing (lying like a pro): I would if there was an issue, but since there’s no issue, I’m not stalling. I just wanted to talk to my papa and you guys. Papa’s been so busy lately, and that hurts my feelings.

Most of the league members: Aww.

Batman (pacing): You manipulative— AAAAH!

Green Arrow: Yeah, kids will get you to that point.

Superman: Oh, boy.

Superman sat down and pulled out his phone to read a Colleen Hoover book.

Batman: He's stalling me and I can't figure out how or why!

Nightwing: Stalling? That’s a funny word, papa. Not what I’m doing, though.

Batman (breaking): Oh my God!

Batman grabbed a chair and tossed it across the room. It hit a wall, breaking into pieces. Wonder Woman sighed, rubbing her forehead.

Wonder Woman: That was my chair. Batman, can you not break our stuff when your son is effortlessly stressing you out? That was a chair I brought from home!

Batman: Diana, I am not in the mood for your sass! Nightwing, move away from the door or you’re grounded!

Nightwing: Grounded? Grounded? Stalling and grounding?

Flash!Barry (snickering): Batman’s about to have an aneurysm.

Nightwing checked his phone and saw he received the message that the group had arrived with the stolen item, meaning he could stop stalling.

Nightwing: Okay, let’s go.

Nightwing left whistling to himself. Batman was too stunned to speak, and the league members could only laugh. They had no idea what was going on either, but Superman summed it up best.

Superman: He kept us trapped in this room for two hours, but it was all worth it to see you lose your mind.

Batman: Oh, shut up, all of you, or I’ll cut the power to the building!

Batman stormed out in a huff, with the other team members following, amused by the entire situation.

[gothamite-rambler]

Red Hood, Batman, Robin, and Red Robin stood in front of the charred remains of the former safe house Red Hood had reserved for emergencies.

What once was a nice cabin was now reduced to ashes, burnt wood and smoldering embers. Firefly and Red Robin had fought there, causing the house to ignite and burn down. Red Hood was furious; all his belongings inside were gone.

Red Hood: I bought that house when I first got to Gotham… my books were in there… my snacks… and now it's gone!

Red Hood spun around and stormed after Red Robin, fists clenched, threatening to hit him.

Batman quickly held him back.

Batman: This is not how we handle this!

Red Hood: You wouldn’t let me shoot Firefly, so let me hit him!

Batman: You’re not hitting him! Take a minute to calm down.

Red Hood: Oh my God, why did I agree to help you?! My second house is gone and I have to just let it go! Fuck all of you!

Red Robin: I'm really sorry, but to be fair Firefly was the one with the flamethrower.

Silence followed as everyone glared at Red Robin, mystified how he thought this was the best time to shift blame when, in reality, it was probably best not to fight so close to a wood cabin when the attacker had a flamethrower!

Robin: Even I know that's not how an apology works.

Red Hood seethed with rage, screaming as he placed a hand on his helmet, about to yank it off and toss it at his brother's head. He stormed off, cursing and shouting into the night. Robin looked at Red Robin and shook his head with an ashamed frown.

Red Robin: Yeah, this is not my finest moment. Should I-

Batman (interrupting him): He will shoot you if you do. Just give him some space.

Many minutes later, Red Hood was still standing alone, staring at the smoldering wreckage of his safe house, refusing to leave.

Batman: Red Hood, we have—

Red Hood (facing away from his father, cut him off): Fuck off!

Batman groaned in frustration and walked away. Red Hood sat on the ground, gazing at the night sky, silent.

Batman: I tried. He’s not going anywhere.

Red Robin: We could call Nightwing. Maybe Oracle could reason with him.

Batman: Nightwing might be our best option.

While Batman and Red Robin focused on trying to reach Nightwing, the bat phone ringing for a minute as Robin silently approached Red Hood. His footsteps were quiet and deliberate, unnoticed by Red Hood.

He moved close, standing beside his brother without a word. They looked up at the night sky together. After a moment, Damian gently placed his arm around Red Hood’s shoulder, crouching slightly and resting his head on Red Hood’s helmet.

A side hug, something Damian wasn’t usually fond of, but one of the few people he tolerated hugs from was Red Hood.

Red Hood (softly, sorrowful): Okay, I’ll go.

He had always been the positive presence in Damian’s life, especially during his upbringing by Talia and Ra’s. One of the few who showed him genuine kindness, or at least wasn’t a complete asshole.

Like Nightwing, Damian trusted him and loved him, though he’d rarely say it aloud. It was a small act of kindness, love in his own jaded way, and Red Hood accepted it.

Robin: Good. I was worried I’d have to drag you myself.

Red Hood (amused): You think there’s a chance you could drag me?

Robin: Yes, I’ve been bulking up.

Red Hood: I’ll choose to believe that.

Robin nodded, then stepped back to give his brother space. Red Hood stood, and the taller Robin patted him on the head. Robin’s smile, prideful and happy, did not falter.

Batman and Red Robin, observing from a distance, saw this moment, not hearing the conversation, and were surprised when Red Hood turned and headed back toward the Batmobile just as Nightwing finally answered his call.

Nightwing (whispering): What is it? I’m in the middle of a stakeout.

Batman: Oh, I forgot you... Thanks for finally answering, but it’s nothing. We fixed it. Didn’t need you.

Nightwing: Is Red Hood okay? What did you do?

Batman: It wasn’t me this time. Red Robin—

Red Robin: Oh my God, I said I was sorry, it’s not my fault Firefly set his safe house on fire.

Batman: You rephrasing that doesn't make it less your fault. You won't be getting your allowance for three months.

Red Robin: Oh come on!

Batman: Stop whining, you will have a paycheck from your day job and this is to help with repairs for your brother's destroyed safe house.

Nightwing: You burnt his safe house down?! Oh man he got that when he first got to Gotham.

Red Robin: Ugh, I'm aware! Firefly torched the- Ow!

Red Hood silently approached his family and smacked Red Robin on the back of the head. Robin snickered, pointing at Red Robin.

Robin: Don’t worry, Hood. I’ll buy you a new safe house and replace all the books he burned.

Batman: Oh yeah Ra's can probably help pay for this too. Red Robin you're paying him back regardless. That's the least you can do.

Red Robin: Yeah, yeah, at least he didn't shoot me.

[gothamite-rambler]

Goon (whispering): He's close... I can hear his voice.

Red Hood crept behind the man, singing quietly, but his voice was melodic as the goon felt his body lock in fear.

Red Hood (singing, menacingly): What do you believe when nobody is watching? What do you believe when no one is around?

His footsteps were quiet as he closed in on the man.

Red Hood (speaking with an ominous tone): I finally know what it feels like... to be dead. To have my... soul sucked out of my body. And you will know that feeling soon.

The last goon shook with fear as he stared forward.

Red Hood (singing, reaching out his hand to the man's collar): What do you believe when no one is around? What do you believe when no one is around?

Many hours later, said goon along with a few others were rolled onto an ambulance alive, but traumatized to say the least. Red Hood hummed to himself as he walked over to Robin checking if he was okay.

Red Hood: How you doing kid?

Robin (holding a coffee cup): Good, but where did you get hot chocolate?

Red Hood: I bring it when it's cold out. Where's Batman?

Robin: Behind you, he looks angry.

Red Hood nodded, then turned to face his father.

Red Hood (sweet tone): Hey, pops. Congratulating me on a job well done?

Batman grabbed Red Hood by the collar and started walking off to scold him, but Red Hood remained undeterred and suddenly began singing.

Red Hood (singing): You shouldn't be anything like me. You shouldn't be anything like me. You shouldn't be anything like me.

Batman (hiding his smile, muttered): Stop singing. Damn theatre kids.

Meanwhile, Robin stayed standing in his spot, sipping his hot chocolate and humming the tune his brother was singing while he was taking down a goon who had kidnapped him.

Robin (out loud): I should sing when beating up criminals... but father’s right about maintaining that scary, non-singing hero persona.

Batman (over the comms, overhearing his youngest): At least one of my kids gets it!

[gothamite-rambler]

I would like to post them in a spot that fits the most and turn a lot of these posts into those stories. I may never write for dc mostly because I can't draw comics, but I have stories to write and want to put the ones I liked the most on a site.

[gothamite-rambler]

Wally: If there ever is a vampire uprising, don’t hook me up to a machine after cutting my legs off. Just make me your lover.

Wally sat back in his chair, having successfully made his proposal. His smile remained as Dick stared at him, his eyes widened to the point that he looked like he’d seen a ghost.

Dick: I asked if you wanted to binge-watch horror movies with me and the guys tonight, and after you said yes… two minutes of silence later you started with that.

Wally (relaxing in his chair): Yeah, what's your point?

Cyborg: Now, hold on, if I may interject—

Dick: Sweet Jesus, not this again.

Cyborg: Hold on, let me cook. When I was at book club with Kory, she told me she already agreed she'd be his vampire queen.

Dick: Book club?

Cyborg: Yeah, me, Babs, and a few other heroes read romance novels together. Now Wally, you have some competition.

Dick: I just want to interject that this is a hypothetical that Wally started, not me, because there is no vampire uprising... and Kory did say she'd be my queen. Sorry Wally, you're out.

Beast Boy (eating vegan gummy bears): Objection!

Dick: I... forgot he was here.

Beast Boy (popping a candy in his mouth): Wally said "lover." That means he'd be his side piece. Extra ass, but with vampire lore you would have to make sure your metabolism doesn't make you crave blood faster.

Wally: Dude, I actually factored this in. Starfire might be able to help.

Beast Boy: Oh, cool. I read a lot of vampire books so I'm kinda an expert.

Dick: You read Twilight!

Beast Boy: That is one example. I read more than that for good vampire knowledge. Anyway, are you sure you want to be that dude?

Wally: I don't mind. I had this talk with my wife last night, and she was totally fine with it. She actually sees herself as the plus-one.

Beast Boy: Dude… goals!

Flash!Barry: Batman… no. No way. I'd rather he be with Arrow's son. A thousand no's! Wally, no!

Beast Boy and Wally high-fived while Dick stared at them, too stunned to speak. It didn't help that they were in a full meeting room with the older Justice League members. Flash's eyes shifted to an indifferent Batman.

Flash gulped nervously, running numbers in his head, and for him, he did not like the idea of being connected to Batman that way again.

Wally (pouting): Oh come on, look at him! He's like my pick and the wife's.

Flash!Barry: I kind of get that, but I do not want to be the father-in-law to the son of Batman. No offense to you, Nightwing, this is more aimed at Batman.

Batman: Okay, rude. I don't really care about a hypothetical vampire uprising, but if Nightwing turned into a vampire and left your nephew alive, I wouldn't mind them being together.

Dick: Hold on, seriously? You'd agree to that?

Batman: Yeah. But if you kill me, I'll be haunting you.

Dick: That's fair… very fair. Now I'm torn. My dad approves, your uncle doesn't, and I'd rather us be friends… but…

Flash!Barry: No, shutting this down! Wally, you can do better, gay or not. There's nothing wrong with being gay, but I don't want to be technically related to Batman!

Green Arrow: You'd rather be connected to me?

Flash!Barry: Honestly, yes.

Green Arrow: Awesome. I agree. This kicks ass, another win for me.

Dick: What was the other—

Batman: That he has a damn grandkid before me! My sons will have kids when they're ready. Nightwing, be ready in a year!

Dick: I'll ask Kory and maybe Barbara. She put me on the list as a possible donor.

Wally: I'd have a stepkid too? Awesome! Unc, I'm going to be a step-parent!

Dick laughed.

Dick: Would you knock it off? You're embarrassing me. Look, if I become a vampire on Buffy the Vampire Slayer levels, you can be on my team as my second-in-command.

Beast Boy: And boyfriend. Sexuality isn't even a spectrum with vampires at that point, I see vamps as pansexual, and I respect it.

Cyborg: I love when Gar talks about vampire lore. The guy does his research.

[gothamite-rambler]

Jason glared at a police sketch of him that made him look 40 years older with a tiny face. It was incredibly unflattering. (This is based off the bad canon drawing of Jason Todd btw).

Jason: They never get my face right? I get I'm a wanted criminal in Canada, but damn get my chiseled jawline and white hair stripe right. They made me look like an ex-con recovering from a meth addiction.

Roy: Hey, don't joke about that. Meth addicts at least have missing teeth... On a positive note, Henry is doing much better and has been sober for three years.

Jason: I still look busted and calm down, you red headed Fabio.

Roy: I should be annoyed by the flirting there, but I am handsome. Anyways, relax, dude. You know you're not ugly.

Artemis: Say it for the crowd in the back!

Jason: I appreciate the compliments, they're true too, but seriously I feel like Flynn from Tangled.

Bizarro: You watch... Disney movies?

Jason: Yes, I was bored and needed something to watch. You watch medical dramas!

Bizarro: Hey, Bizarro enjoys the storylines! Look on dark side Jason, you're not ugly like man on that poster. Nobody will tell you that guy. Cuz you uglier.

Bizarro let out a raspy laugh at his joke. His infectious laugh made Artemis and Roy laugh as well. Jason rolled his eyes with a smirk.

Jason: I swear ever since you've gotten better at talking the non-opposite way you've gotten better at insulting us.

Bizarro: It's a gift, is it not?

Jason (going to rest): I need a drink and Rose. I'm gonna text her.

Bizarro: Wash hands afterwards.

Jason: Shut up!