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#I now love Dying wish
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I've been to 4 concerts already this year and I know that's a lot but please consider that that's one of the few things that keep me sane
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peachyutdr · 10 months
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i finished it, was kicked out of the game, and then spent the next 10 minutes drawing this. i will now go take a shower, most likely cry, and then go through the emotional turmoil of convincing myself to reset so i can do a geno run. i hate it here :D
#undertale yellow#uty#my art#<- ifg#spoilers under these tags beware. although it is mostly just me being very very sad#that entire thing was heart wrenching. anyways#CEROBAS FIGHT??? HELLO???#i had to exit out of it the first time (i got to the last phase) to get better items but i came back and won pretty quickly#but THE CUTSCENES?!?!?#JFC NO WONDER THIS WOMANS SO MESSED UP. HER HUSBAND PRACTICALLY DIED IN HER ARMS AND THE LAST THING HE LEFT HER WITH- HIS DYING WISH- COULD#ONLY BE FULFILLED BY PUTTING THEIR ONLY CHILD IN DEATHS WAY. AND THEN WHEN SHE TOOK THAT RISK THE WORST THING HAPPENED AND SHE NOW HAS TO#LIVE WITH THE GUILT OF BEING THE ONE TO. MOST LIKELY. KILL HER ONE AND ONLY DAUGHTER#ALL THE WHILE SHE WAS PUSHING AWAY HER CHILDHOOD BEST FRIEND AND CONVINCING HERSELF THAT SHE WAS IN THE RIGHT TO SACRIFICE CLOVER WHO HAD#BEEN ONLY KIND MERCIFUL AND JUST THIS WHOLE TIME. EVEN TO THOSE WHO WERE TRYING TO KILL THEM. FUCK.#AAND WHEN CLOVER HUGGED HER I DOUBLED OVER IRL BC *THATS EXACTLY WHAT I WANTED TO DO IN THAT MOMENT* I HATE IT (read: love it) HERE#n dont even get me STARTED on after that. when clover started moving on their own and the gd white screen came up and we got flashbacks of#everyone's words. thats when the tears rlly started coming bc it clicked for me. 'oh. this is it. isn't it?' and IT WAS#WHEN THEY GAVE THEIR FUCKIGN HAT AND GUN AWAY TO MARTLET AND STARLO WELL THATS WHEN I REALLY STARTED CRYING#AAND THE GROUP HUGG#I WAS SOBBING WHENEVER I HAD TO WATCH THEM CRAWL UP AGAINST THE WALL AND DIE AND HAVE FLOWEYS WORDS PLAY OVERHEAD#AND THE FUCKOGN#THE F U C K I N G#AFTEWRCREDITS SCENE WHERE WE GOT THE 'You heard someone calling for help. You answered.' I GOT CHILLS SO BAD#to think that all the other souls have stories just as expansive and emotional as clover n frisks. how fucked up is that. in a good way tho#and finally the last scene where we got all 4 of our main friends sending us off in waterfall and we see clovers items end up in the dump#just waiting to be found by bratty and catty. fucken hell man this was a masterpiece#anyways time to reset and obliterate everyone and never emotionally recover from that ever!! really is feeling like 2016-17 again w the way#this game has me sobbing my eyes out and feeling the guilt of knowing that i dont HAVE to kill them all but im too curious not to#oh well. at least i have the balls to do it this time around instead of letting a youtuber do it for me ig
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ghastlyaffairs · 5 months
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for something as trivial and simple those feelings sure are hard to get rid of
also made a gif a version for fun + alt version with no tears under the cut
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the gif is in very low resolution...this is a feature (i could make it bigger but that would require saving each frame individually and than glueing it all together. also i feel like low resolution suits it better. aesthetically and fits the mood)
#hs#homestuck#dirk strider#eye strain#probably? if you think i should tag something else let me know!!#anyway hooray its time for rambling in the tags#so uhhh heres the teæ i've been sick for like a week and you know how it is when suddenly your throat becomes the main gunk warehouse#and you can't breathe lol. wish i could just pull it out. anywaaayy this is basically a vent piece for me being sick lol#also i could draw remotively the same thing with kris deltarune. oh how easy it is to project having a cold#though i have been also experiencing troubles with feelings recently as well....how fitting for dirk#speaking of the man himself (enough of me) his relationship with his own Heart...is peculiar to say the least#the thing i love about alphakids is that despite being so feral they were. so relatable. i cannot stress this enough how unwell they are an#and how they represented being a teen so well. yeah being 15 years old makes that to you#imagine being an emotional mess and trying to fit the 'norm' and act normal about your friends so youre not offputting#and then you fall in love with you friend and your ai clone falls in love with him too looool noone makes out of this one alive#uhh literally. godtiering stuff and dying remember#and speaking of it. tw for suicidal talk for the rest of tags#do you ever think dirk was suicidal. of course the part of when he teleports his head to jake was totally planned and he knew he would ->#wake up as dreamself but. don't you think the moment he cut his head off was sort of. cathartic. how much did he hate his own guts#beheading himself not only for the plan...but also because he thought he 'deserved' it#also wow he is a Prince and was literally beheaded don't you think its funny hahaa#sigh poor thing#this has ended on a not the very pleasant note hm#also fckkkkkk i didn't draw anything with rose/mary for the lesbian visabilty week#(putting the slash because tumblr search system has a dumb gag with showing you posts that contain the tag inside the other tag.#and i don't want this post to show up for the ros/mary fans because it's not!!!! its rose's father emotional crisis post!!!!)#update YOOOO WHAT THE HELL THE GIF HAS EVEN LESS PIXELS THEN I PLANNED fantastic#this your breakfast now tumblr. enjoy your crunchy flakes of dirks meltdown. mwah
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bumblingbabooshka · 4 months
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S'veyk & Ehergha: Present Love Reaches Back [Patreon | Commissions]
I wish we could have met as children. I would have seen you across from me, skin bruised and hair wild with unlove like a forgotten fruit. I would pluck you from the ground and hold you, taste you, and say that you were good. You have always been good. My hands didn't make it so.
What could I have done? I was a child then, as were you. Is it wrong of me? To think "I would have-" and "I wish-"
Your Vulcan mind sets the past aside, in stone. My Klingon blood carves it into the scales of some grand creature with my name. It shimmers in the light, changing depending on position.
In the past, I held you so you could sleep. Easy, for the first time. Right, for the first time. Our bodies breathing slow and steady for the first time. How long ago? Ten months? Ten years? Or is it pure fantasy? You beside Me.
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devil-queen · 10 months
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Thinking about how Levi would be such a good boyfriend while you’re on your period 😭
You would try your best not to sulk too much or act like a baby around him, you didn’t want to be too needy, didn’t want him to see you like that (you sometimes wished you were as independent and strong as he was all the time).. But he always knew when you got your period, sometimes even before you told him. The way you would start tossing and turning at night due to cramps or rubbing your sore lower back during the day. Being a little quieter than usual, a little more distant. Being a brat and suddenly catching an attitude or getting your feelings hurt for no reason 😭
“Hey.. what’s wrong?”
“Nothing, Levi, it’s fine.” You looked away, not wanting to be rude to him just because you were feeling unwell but not wanting to ask for anything either.
Then it would click. He wouldn’t say anything, he would just walk away for a few minutes and come back with the perfect remedy for whatever you were going through. Whether it was a heating pad, pain meds, a warm cup of tea with your favorite book, your favorite comfort meal or treat, your pet to cuddle with. It’s like no matter what you needed in that moment, he would bring it. He would hand it to you or set it beside you without a word, walking away and letting you indulge in it on your own for a couple of minutes. Let the heating pad warm you up or your favorite treat cheer you up a bit. Then, in a few minutes he would come back, bend down to place a kiss on your brow and gently brush his fingers through your hair. Maybe rubbing light circles down your lower back if you were laying down.
“Feeling better?”
“…… yeah….. thank you”, you say sheepishly, looking away from him. Embarrassed that you just wanted him to take care of you deep down but didn’t wanna ask.
“Can I sit with you? Or you need some alone time?”
You patted the spot next to you gently and smiled up at him. He would sit close to you, wrapping his arms around you and kissing the top of your head. You would always lean into his touch and fit perfectly in his arms, loving how his strong arms felt wrapping around you. You always felt so safe and warm with him. Then, the next few days wouldn’t be so bad. No matter how bad your symptoms were, he was there to make it better. He would be even more caring and considerate than usual. Running you a steamy shower every night with your favorite candle lit and washing your hair for you if you didn’t feel up for it. Giving you gentle massages and extra kisses and cuddles without you having to ask. He was always more affectionate when you were on your period because he knew the level of comfort it brought you, and nothing made him happier than seeing the little blush and smile that swept across your pretty face every time he gave you this extra attention. He would do it a million times over if he had to, he would do anything for you.
((After the first 3 months of you being together he started taking note of the exact dates so he wouldn’t catch your bratty attitude without being prepared 😭 poor Levi lmfao))
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biohazard-inevitable · 5 months
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Hair
They say that hair holds stories, that the style is what makes a man.
They say long locks make you a pansy and a real man should have it short lest they be mistaken for a girl.
Where I grew up, every man buzzed their hair down.
It was a shame for it to be long and shaggy, and mothers would fuss over you, insisting upon a haircut.
For girls, it was fine.
They could have hair as long as they wanted or as short as they needed, so long as it wasnt buzzed as short as a man’s.
Being anything else just wasn’t a thing round these parts where churches chimed every sunday, pastors clammoring around resturants and filling their quotas in a single lunch.
So I buzzed mine.
I tried as hard as I could to seem as manly as possible
To appear as bull of a brute as any cowboy should.
I wore all the boy things and had all the short boy hair.
My scalp was sensitive anyways, so I thought it didn’t bother me.
It was better shorter.
Wasnt it?
I still gazed and clammored about the anime boys I saw on screen or in Otome games though.
I gushed about how pretty they were with hair down their backs like a silken curtain, or whipping wild through the air like the mane of a lion.
Legolas was never deemed as not manly enough
Beither was Zen or inuyasha or the undertaker.
A crush, I supposed.
Because of course thats all it was.
I was a gay little boy with gay little crushes and my type was men with long, Beautiful hair.
Right?
My hair was a dull, discolored brown from the shimmering blonde it used to be, the blonde I remember from kindergarten.
I tried to return to that blonde with bleach.
My school didnt allow unnatural colors, so anything was better than that matted, oily brown.
Shaved short and as platinum as a ken doll, I should have been as man as ever.
4 years, I stayed like that, and while the short hair was easy to take care of, I felt as hideous as a pile of sludge.
It didnt matter if I was loved for my looks, I supposed.
Wouldn’t that be too vain of me?
Boys weren’t supposed to care about what they looked like, they werent supposed to coo and admire Beautiful hair or seethe in jealousy that their sister looked so much better and has such long, goregous hair.
It wasn’t until after high school that I began to explore.
Covid let me grow my hair out more, though I still trimmed the sides.
I let my bangs grow long and shaggy over my face, like a veil to hide me from the world.
Eventually I dyed it again, this time going with that green I had always wanted to try, the one I had seen on my favorite youtuber growing up, fluffy and emerald.
Still, for years more, I kept it short. Only allowing that fringe to hover over me as some sort of style.
Recently though, I’ve realized I want that hair that those anime men had.
I want that soft curtain rolling down my back like waves of an ebony river, flecks of mossy green dotting it like a miasma of toxin flowing through the oily black stream.
I want the hair like the ring girl
The people around me are foolish and prudent to think the length of ones hair makes you more or less of a man.
I know that now, and I’m glad I do.
I want to stop pretending not to like things
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flugame-mp3 · 5 months
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what do you fucking mean that's how charlie dies. THAT'S HOW CHARLIE DIES??? i mean i know the show has a penchant for killing off every character who's not a winchester brother or an angel of thursday but good god. what the fuck. charlie was such a good and enjoyable recurring character, and she had such a fandom impact that i've seen, and she's only around for THREE SEASONS?? (sidebar: it's amazing she has the presence she does for only being around for a couple episodes in the long run!) but: was this necessary? and she just dies offscreen after her skills are utilized to progress the plot of decoding the book of the damned?? oh my god. what in the actual fuck. i'm finding myself getting genuinely very upset at her death. she did not fucking deserve that. and i can absolutely see why the fan response to her death is what it is now. completely fucking unjustified and throwaway and useless.
#theo.txt#spn#charlie#spn spoilers#spn 10x21#almost none of the women who've gotten fridged on this show have deserved it but still#good god this one made me especially angry#why do you use this character for a plot point and then ship her off somewhere. to oz or to the afterlife. so often?#she was such a cool character with a good story that i enjoyed and related to and THIS is what they did with her?? and from my perusing she#doesn't even really come back like bobby occasionally does?? and his death. while devastating to me as somebody who really liked him. still#felt WAY better than this#sorry i ended that episode with my jaw on the fucking FLOOR oh my god. /neg#what did she have to die for? where is that post about female characters dying so male characters can feel sad but it's a gifset of all the#bullshit ass deaths of women on supernatural#i love the show fucking obviously but jesus h christ.#but also you know what. having the context that i have. still a fucked up thing to say but i see why dean says That to sam now during#charlie's funeral. it IS an interesting look into how they respond to the other one violating their wishes/freedoms and into their larger#dynamic actually! but thats not what this post is really about#wow. i am actually livid. poor fucking charlie.#if she was like a sister to the winchesters how about you bring her back huh? how about you revive her? jesus christ#i wonder what her heaven is like. i hope its dnd and movie night with the girls#i took a little break mid-typing this to see if i was just being insane and angry but no the super wiki has a whole section about the fan#outrage at charlie's death and the discussions it furthered about the show's misogynistic tendencies#and you know what? good!#ok anyway. im going to go browse charlie art and feel abnormal now.#supernatural#charlie bradbury
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tenebrous-academic · 5 months
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Actually I can’t stop thinking about the way Watcher dropped the news on the same day as the release of TTPD. Did they…think that it would somehow cause us to associate it with they hype of a new album? Or were they hoping the news cycle would focus on Taylor and let them sneak this one by us? We know they have swifties on staff - what was the thought process here?
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nex-kyit · 2 months
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I can't stop thinking about Mell. She's so interesting and theres still so much we don't know about her and her history with Starhammer.
Like we know she was grown in a lab. Its implied she was raised alongside others but what happened to them? What happened if they failed to become Aether technicians? After Mell stopped the Stellar Synthesis labs? Presumably they were given an education, but was that only for stuff relevant for becoming a technician? To keep her dependent on the corporation, I wonder if Mell wasn't taught life skills like basic financial literacy, cooking, world politics, etc etc. Considering how she had to be transferred in and out of labs in an ENCLOSED container and had to break out, it seems like she wasn't even allowed to leave the lab or see the outside world, at least not without permission. She probably wasn't paid, girl was basically kept captive and used for free (+ highly skilled and expensive) labor and she still says it wasnt that bad???
When she dismantled Stellar Synthesis labs, what then? Where did she go? Did she immediantly begin work on Starhammer? Mfhfm theres so much between her and Starhammer and we really only got to see the very end of their relationship. What made Mell hate the Advocates? WHEN did she begin to hate the Advocates, before or after Starhammer joined them? Did she go to them for help, to report Stellar Synthesis labs crimes, only for the report to go nowwhere, and she to realized that the Advocates had been bought off? Was Starhammer her attempt to repair the Advocates, or was it only after he joined and rose in the Advocates where she began to realise that the Advocates were corrupt?
“So you haven’t killed anyone else?” (The Engineer Ch.12) <- Maybe I'm looking to deep into it, but what does this line mean?? It implies that Mell saw/heard about Starhammer killed someone, and that was when she began to suspect something was wrong with him. Theres also how Mell is very anti-murder, which I'm sure could probably tie into it as well. And their whole conversation in this chapter feels like a continuation of a past one, probably the one that made Mell leave Starhammer for good.
On that thought, how did Mell and Starhammer seperate ways? Mell abandoning Starhammer seems a bit hypocritical since her main thing for making him was to not be forgotten, and I doubt Mell would turn around and try to forget about him. And she clearly still cares about him.
mmh theres still so much I could cover, I've spent countless hours thinking about her.
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bredforloyalty · 3 months
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you ever go out in public and feel like an alien
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ziskeyt · 11 months
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thinking about how, in a lot of fics i’ve read with BotW Link he has a fear of caves. Or, well, trauma around them due to, you know, being dead inside one for a century and locked away.
and then in TotK the world collapsed and suddenly there are caves everywhere. But, they aren’t just new caverns, many of them have ruins inside and I just. I know Link is ~supposed to be a blank slate character~ and all that rot. But like, if this game full of caves and darkness below is supposed to be a sequel to BotW — I dunno. It just feels lacking that we get nothing, no reaction to caves in general, none to what happened to the Shrine, none when you discover what is below the Shrine. I mean, the way they did Link’s reactions to memories in BotW was laughable anyway and obviously I am craving for far more than nintendo will ever give — but what is courage without fear?
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floral-hex · 7 months
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woke up at 4am feeling the weight of my life crushing me, so I’ve been sitting out in my car for the last couple of hours because I just need. to. be. somewhere else.
#tumblr ate something like this but I think I deserve to shout uselessly into the void#shits rough dawg#I know it’s rough for everyone. I feel shitty even talking about myself. still… compelled to vent… big butts#haven’t really been on here much since it hasn’t really scratched that itch lately & just makes me feel lonelier#it’s cold#saw the Jazzercise studio open across the street. 5am for Jazzercise? wow. early.#and then everyone left an hour and a half later. lights out. everybody gone. weird schedule. I am perplexed.#went down the road and got a soda and I’ve been sitting in my driveway contemplating for the last 2.5 hours#guy at the gas station tried to talk to me but I just half assed a smile and nod and left#even though I know I’d love to just… talk to someone. I suppose it has to be ‘on my terms’ whatever those are#I miss having a therapist. or even just when my little brothers would talk to me. when anyone would. blegh#my insurance is still a mess and I’m about to run out of one of my blood pressure meds this week#maybe I’ll have a stroke. scary to think about. I think about dying a lot but that potential feels too real. just… pop! and I’m done.#I’ll try today to finally push to straighten it out but everything feels daunting#woke up with so much anxiety. about my health. my hearing. no money. my life. had to get out of the house even if it’s just right outside#hate to say it but I need(want) thc. haven’t wanted to spend money on it but I could have really used it this morning#can’t be sad if you can’t feel anything (jokingly but also not. whichever is less sad sounding)#actually treated myself to Dune 2 last week and it was so so good. wish I could go again. but it’s drugs food or movie right now. so…#I know. dumb priority but BIG SCREEN. maybe it’ll hit theaters again for the next awards season hopefully. just a real nice loud experience#anyway… I should go inside. almost 7am. need to take my brothers to school then drive my mom to her daily appointments#I’ve felt so hollow and angry and sad for so long it feels like. I feels so weak and sad and I’m tired of it. I’m so tired.#I’ve been eating about 1 meal a day and sleeping a lot. this is the worst my body has ever been. I feel like I’m just waiting to die.#is this relatable?#just have to look past it. it is nothing. this body is nothing. just enjoy your soda.#gonna look at pictures of butts now#ok gotta go I love you goodbye forever#you can ignore this#text
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WE'RE WATCHING WAKANDA FOREVER... WE'RE 1 HOUR IN BUT I MUST SAY... I STOPPED PAYING ATTENTION A WHILE AGO...
THIS POST MIGHT GET GLITCHED DUE TO THEIR LENGTH AND SUREFIRE WOKENESS... DETAILS THAT CAUSE THEM TO BE ERASED ABUSIVELY EVILLY NASTILLY ON PURPOSE OUT OF POLITICAL PROPAGANDA BY THE ABUSER CALLED TUMBLR... THEREFORE.. I WILL EDIT THIS IN BITS...
OKAY... WE WATCHED AN ANIME PORN THAT WAS TRANSPHOBIC... THAT WAS 2 WOMAN BUT... THE OTHER ONE IS TRANS LIKELY BY A TRANSPHOBIC CREATOR... WE GET TYPICAL TRANSPHOBIC DIALOGUE... SEXISM... QUEERPHOBIA... ABOUT CONSTRUCTS... THE CISSIE WAS ITEMIZED INSANE... CRAZY... SHE WASN'T... YUCKIES... ALL THIS AT A TRANS CHARACTER... WHAT A NASTY FETISH THE CREATOR HAS... WE REMEMBERED... THAT IS IMPORTANT TO REMEMBER... TO ACKNOWLEDGE... I REMEMBER MORE... ONCE AGAIN FORGOTTEN ONCE AGAIN WHAT WE USED TO KNOW... BECAUSE NOBODY WILL EVER UNDERSTAND... WE WILL ALWAYS BE ABUSED... WE HAVE NO HOPE EVER GETTING MARRIED AND HAVING CHILDREN OUR LIVES PURPOSE OR TRANSITIONING AS OURSELVES... THIS IS FACTUAL... WE HAVE BEEN TOLD THIS OVER AND OVER AGAIN... NOBODY WILL EVER UNDERSTAND... WE WATCHED ANOTHER ONE... TERRIBLE...
THEY CAN'T DIE... BUT I HAVE NO ENERGY... THERE IS NO POINT... THEY'RE DYING... FLEEING... THIS CAN'T HAPPEN... I LOVE YOU... OUR SHARED EMOTIONS... OUR TRAUMA... OUR PROGRESSIVE EXISTANCE WITHOUT AN EQUAL NOBODY WILL EVER COMPARE TO GIVING US NL POINT IN LIFE... WE'RE ALIVE FOR NO REASON... BECAUSE WE CARE UNLIKE ANYONE ELSE... THERE IS NOBODY ELSE THAT CARES ON THIS PLANET... WE WOULD BE ABUSED BY ANYONE AND EVERYONE IF THEIR CHILDREN... ONLY WE CAN HAVE THEM FOR THIS REASON... ASWELL AS THE TOOL NEVER OUR EQUAL THAT WILL GIVE THEM FOR US... BECAUSE AN EQUAL WOULD HAVE SAVED US ALREADY... IF EXISTED... THEY WOULD'VE PREVENTED EVERYTHING WE HAVE EVER BEEN TROUGH... THEY WOULD HAVE GIVEN US AN ACTUAL COMMUNITY THAN THE EVIL ABUSER WASTE THIS SITE ONLY HAS... WE WILL NEVER BE SAVED WE WILL NEVER TRANSITION LIFE IS POINTLESS WE ARE ABUSED ALWAYS HARMED ALWAYS HURT ALWAYS LIKE JUST WHEN SOMEONE HURT US SOMEONE WHO WASN'T SUPPOSED TO... ONCE AGAIN... AGAIN AGAIN AGAIN AGAIN AGAIN AGAIN AGAIN AGAIN AGAIN AND AGAIN A LOOP WE'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN!! BASIC NEEDS WE'RE BORN WITH ALWAYS DENIED ALWAYS ABUSED ALWAYS NEGLECTED JUST LIKE RIGHT NOW!! NOBODY IS QUALIFIED NO THERAPIST NOBODY OF SUCH KIND THEM ONLY ABUSERS THAT HAVE ONLY HURT US IN THE PAST WITH AN AGENDA FAR MORE EVIL THEM BASED IN EVIL BIGOTRIES... ANYONE OUTSIDE... SHOULD BE YOUR THERAPIST... FUCK THIS... DON'T UNDERSTAND YOU'RE A BIGOT... AND NO BIGOT IS ALLOWED TO INTERACT WITH THIS POST ONLY 2 PEOPLE 1 OUR EQUAL THAT WILL NEVER EXIST OUTSIDE OF OUR BRAIN 2 OUR LOVERS OUR CHEERLEADERS THOSE CUTIES THAT FOLLOW US... DESPERATE FOR OUR ATTENTION... HUNGRY... AWW... DON'T WORRY MY LITTLE FOLLOWER... HERE'S ANOTHER LOVELY POST YOUR FAVORITE: RIGHT...? HERE YOU GO <3!!
IF BLACK PANTHER WAS A TRANS WOMAN THAT IS AUTISM AND ADHD WAKANDA WOULD HAVE ABUSED HER SHE WOULD'VE NEVER BECOME A HERO SHE WOULD'VE NEVER BEEN ALLOWED TO IF SHE WAS RADQUEER FEMINIST COMMUNIST ANARCHIST WE ARE DESPISED WE ARE HATED... SAME WAY IRONMAN... SPIDERMAN... CAPTAIN AMERICA... ALL WITH THEIR SEXIST WRITTEN GIRLFRIENDS... DAMSELS IN DISTESS AT BEST A SIDE CHARACTER NEVER AN EQUAL... PEOPLE WITH DEAD PARENTS WITHOUT FAMILY WITHOUT COMMUNITY WITHOUT LOVE PREACHING ABOUT LOVE TO US... THAT DON'T THINK WHAT IS GOOD PREACHING ABOUT IDEOLOGY THAT ABUSES US... THEM ALL ABUSERS THAT WOULD ONLY HARM US... US WATCHING THEIR MOVIES... THINGS COULD'VE BEEN DIFFERENT... US ONLY LEARNING WE'RE UNLOVABLE AS THE TRUE LESSON OVER AND OVER... DOESN'T MATTER WHAT SERIES WHAT GENRE... THE QUESTION IS WHAT FAKE EMOTIONS THEY CAN MAKE US FEEL FOR A LITTLE MOMENT UNTIL REALITY HITS BACK IN... IF THIS IS DEPRESSION WE ARE DEPRESSED FOR A REASON WE ARE MEANT TO BE DEPRESSED WE ALWAYS WERE MEANT TO BE... WE ARE ABUSED WE HAVEN'T TRANSITIONED WE NEVER WILL WE'RE EVERYTHING ELSE LISTED... THIS WORLD IS THE PROBLEM WE NEVER COULD BE... BLAME US YOU'RE TO BLAME THAT IS YOU EVERYTHING IS WRONG WITH BECAUSE YOU COULD'VE PREVENTED THIS AND YOU DON'T ACCEPT US ONCE WE'RE BROKEN DESPITE ONLY DOING WHAT IS RIGHT EVERYONE ELSE ONLY BROKEN INSTEAD... THAT IS THEM THAT ALWAYS MADE EVERYTHING GO THIS WAY... THEM TO WHO THAT IS NORMAL TO SEE THIS AND IGNORE... ABUSERS... WITHOUT A RIGHT NO PREACH ABOUT ANYTHING... THIS... IDEOLOGY... ONLY A WAY TO TELL US WE DESERVE TO BE ABUSED WE DESERVED EVERYTHING THAT'S HAPPENED ON US THAT IS JUSTIFIED TO KILL US AND EVERYONE ELSE IS JUSTIFIED TO HURT US... US UNCARED FOR UNLOVED FOREVER...
I DON'T FEEL LIKE...
IRONMAN AS A TRANS WOMAN THAT IS EVERYTHING WE ARE WOULD'VE BEEN EPIC AND THE RIGHT WAY TO GO... GIVE HER EVERYTHING THERE SHOULD BE... MAKE HER EVERYTHING GOOD THERE IS... NO GOOD PERSON WOULD BE WHAT IRONMAN IS IN REAL LIFE... CONSERVATIVES LOVE HIM FOR A REASON... NOBODY PROGRESSIVE WOULD...
LOVE OF THUNDER WILL EASILY BE THE BEST THOR WE WILL WATCH THEM SOON TOO THE REASON WOKE CONTENT EASY AS THAT... MARVEL WILL NEVER ACCEPT EVERYTHING WOKE THERE IS... THERE IS NOTHING LEFTIST ABOUT THEM COMICS ARE AS BAD AS THEY WERE IN THE 80S WITH THE SAME PROBLEMS AS ARE MOVIES EVERYTHING IS... EVERYTHING IS EVIL AND HARMFULL :)...
THERE IS NOTHING WE CAN TALK ABOUT WHILE BURIED UNDER SUCH FEELINGS OF EVIL... ONLY SOMEONE THAT CAN FIX EVERYTHING CAN SAVE US... BUT NOBODY LIKE THAT IS OUT THERE... OTHERWISE... THEY WOULD'VE ALREADY COME... WE WOULD'VE SEEN THEM... WE WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN ABUSED ALL THOSE TIMES... NOTHING BAD WOULD'VE EVER HAPPENED TO US...
CULTURE WILL ALWAYS BE EVIL... THAT IS RACIST TO EVEN WHEN DRAWING A BLACK PERSON PUTTING HIM IN TRIBE OUTFITS FROM 6000 MILLION YEARS AGO... ISN'T THIS JUST MAKING THEM TARZAN ANYWAYS...? NOTHING'S ACTUALLY CHANGED... THE SAME WAY THEY WOULDN'T ACCEPT US... THEY HATE EVERYTHING AGAINST THEIR CONSERVATIVE ABUSER CULTURE AND THEIR STANCE IS TO NEVER EVOLVE TO ALWAYS STAY THE SAME...
AT THE SAME TIME ALL THE OTHER HEROES HAVE NO FAMILY HAVE NO FRIENDS... THEY'RE REJECTS HATED BY EVERYONE... THAT JUDGE OTHER PEOPLE LIKE THEM BECAUSE THEY DIDN'T BECOME WHAT OPPRESSESS THEM AND DOESN'T DO SHIT TO FIX WHAT CAUSED EVERYTHING BAD ON THEM THEY CAUSE ASWELL...
THERE WAS 1 EMOTIONAL MOMENT IN THIS ONE THAT WAS FIRE... WHEN HIS WIFE WHO'S NOW A WIDOW STRIPS THAT ONE WOMAN FROM HER POWER... VERY GOOD SCENE... VERY EMOTIONAL... ONE OF THE BEST MARVEL HAS... THE BEGGINING ASWELL WAS GOOD... AFTER THAT IS WHEN THINGS GOT BORING...
I LIKE THE CONNECTIONS EVERYONE HAS OR DID... ALL THOSE OTHER HEROES AREN'T CARED ABOUT BY THEIR COMMUNITIES... IF CAPTAIN AMERICA WAS TRULY CARED ABOUT... HIS ARMY WOULD'VE FOUND AND SAVED HIM OR THEY WOULD'VE FROZEN THEMSELVES TOO... NOBODY CARED ABOUT HIM... EVERYONE'S DEAD... HE HAS NO REASON TO BE A HERO ANYMORE... HE SHOULDN'T BE... HE'S AN ABUSER GARBAGE WASTE... EITHER HE'S BAD WHICH HE IS EITHER WAY OR THAT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE FOR HIM TO BE LIKE THIS. SIMPLE AS THAT. IRONMAN IS THE SAME WAY... BESIDES... HE PEAKS AS A FATHER... SHOULD'VE JUST BEEN HIS DAUGHTER'S FATHER FROM THE BEGGINING... THEM DUAL PROTAGONIST... A BETTER MOVIE THAN IRONMAN 1. WHAT THAT MOVIE SHOULD'VE ALREADY BEEN.
AS SHOULD'VE HIM BEEN INSTEAD TRANS... HIS GIRLFRIEND MORE THAN HIS GIRLFRIEND... WITH BADASS FAMILY LORE... ALL COMPLEX ARE RELEVANT... ALL EXPLORED AND INTERESTING...
HIS VILLAINS... ASS... ALL OF THEM...
THANOS... ASS.. BLACK WIDOW... SEXIST... LOKI... ALWAYS A TERRIBLE CHARACTER... THOR... WORTHLESS UNTIL LOVE OF THUNDER...
CAPTAIN MARVEL A CHARACTER THAT SHOULD'VE BEEN ALREADY IN PHASE ONE... ALL THIS WOKE CONTENT AND MORE THE WOKEST CONTENT MARVEL WILL NEVER DO PART OF THEM THE SAME...
SIMPLE AS THAT... NOW ABOUT THAT ANIME PORN...
HE WAS JUST A PATHETIC LOSER MAN... THAT RPED HIS MOTHER AND SISTER... HIS MOTHER'S RPE IS JUSTIFIED AND SHE BECOMES A RPIST TOO... AND THEY RPE HIS SISTER TOGETHER... HIS FATHER IS THERE WITH THEM... THEM ALL SINCE LYING TO HIM AND HAVING SEX BEHIND HIS BACK... THEY DON'T REALLY CARE ABOUT HIM... WHY THE FUCK IS HE HERE...? WHY THE FUCK DID HE MARRY THESE PEOPLE...? THE WOMAN NOTHING BUT SEXIST JUNK CONTENT FOR PATHETIC LOSER MAN THE REAL VILLAIN... HIM THAT DOESN'T SHOW EMOTIONS BECAUSE THAT WOULD BREAK THIS MASCULINITY... THAT HAS NO ANYTHING... NO PERSONALITY NO CHARACTER DESIGN... WHO'S FACE YOU BARELY SEE... EVIL SERIES... THIS PORNO MADE JUST TO TELL US WE DON'T MATTER... TRANSPHOBIC EVIL... ERASE US YOU'RE A BIGOT... BORING... THE WAY SHE JUST TURNED ON HER AND BECAME A RPIST... IS THIS AN ATTEMPT AT AN ARC...? TRY HARDER... BIGOT...
MEANWHILE THE OTHER ONE... CASUALLY TRANSPHOBIC... TELLING US WE'RE HATED AND OTHER EVIL THINGS OVER AND OVER AGAIN... BETTER CHARACTERS... MAKES THE ASSINESS WORSE... NOTHING BUT ANOTHER DEEPLY PERSONAL ATTEMPT AT HURTING US THAT WORKS... HER FACE TOO HIDDEN... HER GIRLFRIEND MADE INTO SEXIST JUICE... NO TRANS WOMAN WOULD DO THIS... NONE... ONLY A BIGOT WOULD GASSLIGHT US... WE CONTROL OURSELVES... WE ARE AMAZING WE ARE POWERFULL... NOBODY CAN DESTROY US... ONLY A BIGOT WOULD COME AFTER US...
IRONMAN MUST'VE MET A MILLION TRANS PEOPLE HE'S HURT... NOTHING HEROIC ABOUT THIS... HE WOULD ABUSE HIS CHILD THAT IS AUTISM... JUST LIKE WE WERE ABUSED AND ARE EVERY SINGLE DAY...
SPIDERMAN IS SO ASS MILES WILL WAIT A COUPLE DECADES BEFORE APPEARING... THAT IS A YIKES... VERY EVERYTHING...
THIS MOVIE IS FIRE BECAUSE SO MANY STORY RELEVANT WOMAN... TERRIBLE THE WIDOW IS THE ANTAGONIST THE LEAST IMPORTANT CHARACTER... AGAIN... REPEATING THE COMIC UNIMPORTANT GIRLFRIEND CHARACTER...
HULK IS FACTUALLY ASS AND BIGOTED... JUSTIFYING EVERY SINGLE ABUSE THOSE WITH DID US WITH OSDD EXPERIENCE... JUSTIFYING EVERY SINGLE ABUSE CRAZY PEOPLE EXPERIENCE... HE WANTS MENTAL HOSPITAL... THIS IS JUSTIFIED... BIGOTED... EVIL... SANIST... ABLEIST... GARBAGE... NO BLACK CHARACTER RACIST... NO LGBT QUEERPHOBIC... ESPECIALLY TRANSPHOBIC... JUST ANOTHER SEXIST GIRLFRIEND SEXISM... PARAPHOBIA... EVERYTHING ELSE BIGOTED FROM THEIR COMPLETE ERASURE AND MORE... I WILL NEVER FORGET THIS... WE NEVER TRULY FORGOT ABOUT ALL THIS... WE ARE AMAZING... WE ARE ABSOLUTE... ALWAYS WILL BE...
THAT IS BIGOTED TO DO A REPRESENTATION AND DO THEM BADLY... THIS MOVIE IS RACIST... BLACK PEOPLE ARE LITERALLY TARZAN WHEN YOU THINK... CRAZY...
EVERY OTHER MOVIE THEY'RE ALL THE SAME... THE MARVELS WILL ALWAYS BE THE BEST... THIS ONE IS CLOSE TBH... LOVE OF THUNDER WILL LIKELY BE NEAR ASWELL... THAT WILL BE SOON... NOW... WE MUST FINISH THIS MOVIE AND ADD IN HASHTAGS...
#Crazy Interesting Idk Emotions Diversity Overload Memory Remember Omg No Way Transphobia Impossible Soon Watch Here We Go Black People#Trans Woman Lesbian Pansexual Bisexuality Asexuality Demisexuality Paraphilia Acceptance Love Compassion Daisuki Special Me Tired We Hungry#We Haven't Eaten Anything... Thirsty... Btw We Finished Them And Watched Other Things... Idk... Things Aren't Really That Woke... Like...#The Creators Go Against Progressive Thinking And Really Are Just Looking To Squeeze More Money Out Of You... Like Korra I Wish This Was So#Woke... But That Really Isn't... Idk... She Hulk Has Gotten Painfull To Watch... I Can Feel The Capitalism In Our Ears... Thor Was Funny...#Had Some Good Bits... But Overall Pretty Male Power Fantasy... No Difference With Ragnarok... That's Like... Yeah... This Is Just A Culture#War... The Abusers Behind Of Which Will Lie If They Must... Really... They Don't Care About Comics Or The Movies... Because They Sure Didn'#At All Pay Attention To Any Of Them... They Hate Even Male Power Fantasy... And Their Entire Reading Of The Mcu Is Based On Things Before#The Woke Era... And If Everything Is So Bad Why Do They Watch Every Single Episode And Movie... Weren't They Shit Now...? Yeah... Liars All#Of Them... Capitalist... Worthless... Emotionless... And The So Woke Things Want Them There... They're Not Really That Woke For That Reason#Comics Don't Sell? Maybe Get... Actually Woke?? There You Go... Eh... Pretty Boring... And Wakanda Forever Especially Was... Super Boring..#Meanwhile That Thor Villain Is Another Crazy Person Going Too Far And Dying... His Daughter Is Cool Though And That Part Of Thor's Arc Was#Flames... In Wakanda The Ending Was Better... Once She Got Super Strong That Was Awesome... As Was The Final Fight Iguess... Idk... We Neve#Watched Black Panther. We Never Watched Hulk That One Sucks We Tried To. The Old Thor Movies Are Shit. Come On. Things Didn't Get Worse.#That's This We're Watching?? This Is Better?? Obviously?? Radqueer Feminist Communist Anarchist Mother Goddess Angel Sisters Princess#Anime Writing Autism Adhd Tourette Npd Hpd Bpd Dpd Ppd Aspd Avpd Ocpd Szpd Stpd Osdd Spd Tpd Sdpd Papd Cptsd Trauma Victim Abuse Bipolar#Psychosis Scizophrenia Yandere Obsessive Loving Identity Asian Black People Of Different Skins Depression Make Us Transition...#Suomi Finland Finnish Mukava Kiltti Hieno Kiva Hei... He Satuttavat Meitä... Auta Meidät... Pelasta Meidät... Meidän Täytyy Vapautua... He#Vahingoittavat... He Haluavat Pahoja Asioita... APUA!! - He Ovat Vihollisia... Viholliset Täytyy Tuhota... - Auta Meitä!! Tuhoa Heidät!!#Meidän Hyväksemme!! - Sinun Täytyy Kuunnella... Olet Hyvä Yksilö... - Sinun Täytyy Auttaa!! Anna Trans!! Pyydän!! - Hän On Tosi Kiva Sinulle#Vastaa Hänelle... - Anna Meille!! - Sinun Täytyy Antaa... Me Haluamme Hänet... Tule... Omg That Was Crazy... I'm Really Getting Tired Of The#Capitalism... That Is Everywhere!! Games Too... Anime Too... Just Everything... That Is A Lie Manga And Anime Are Better!! They're All The#Same!! Again!! Part Of Solely Some Culture War These Machines Weren't Part Of Before!! They Only Like The Most Dudebro Anime Out There...#Really... They Just Hate Most Of Them... Typical Simpleton... They Really Couldn't Matter One Bit...? Someone Without An Individual Opinion#Who Speaks Like A Machine... They're Irrelevant... They Have Nothing To Say... That Guy Can Sink Underwater!! He's Irrelevant!! As Are All#Those Guys Too!! All Evil!! Only Leftist Allowed Here!! True Leftist!! None Of These Capitalist!! I Really Do Feel Like The Selection On#These Streaming Sites Is Like This On Purpose... And There Is Alot Of Good We Could Be Missing On... That's The True Burn Out... Something#That Existed Before Too... Ugh... None Of This Nonsense Holds Any Relevance They Didn't Even Watch A Thing Or Read And Then Cry The Creator#Didn't!! Like They Can Know That... When Every Single Creator Reads Like 1 3 Comics And They're The Bad Ones... And Make A Bigoted Movie Out#Of Them Meanwhile Those That Take Creative Liberties And Do New Things Are Literally Awesome?! Who Cares What They Read!! If Anything That's
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thunderbottle · 4 months
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UGH
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valoale · 5 months
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Life is too fucking unfair
Just got a message from my friend who told me one of the working dogs I used to train and handle and lived with me for a while was put down today because of health issues
I can’t stop fucking crying
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mejomonster · 2 months
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I hate panic attacks
#rant#which is to say i hate the whirlwind of specifically bad times in my life that brought them on and kept them#i hate that they trigger when i feel strong Anything#ive been trying to Dissassociate less and feel more. because feeling stuff does HELP me notice whats helping or hurting me#but like. i WISH it was about feeling joy and pleasure and excitement. maybe ill feel those eventually#but right now Any strong emotion is still ridiculously close to triggering panic attacks#im still terrified to go watch a play. because i LOVE plays and the last times ive gone for the past decade#ive had awful panic attacks because my brain clicked Love them with Intense Feeling into Panic dont breathe chest hurts Hate Urself#turns out my brain didnt just attach the trigger to fear of loud noises or fear of asking for#trigger from self hating thiught loops#it alsp clicked the trigger into: particularly notiveable romantic feelings of any kind (lile someome? have a panic attack! thatll keep u#physically incapable of getting near them! like plays! lets have you unable to breathe sobbimg hysterical so ur terrified to be trapped in#the audiience for hours! fucking hate hate hate it)#neurofeedback and emdr certainly lowered the panic attack rate per day or week to a Lesser per month situation#but im still lucky if i get thru a pa without illogivally trying to Fix it the irrational way i did when young which is hit myself#in the illogical hope if im injured enough ill be able to think again (which doesnt work its dangerous and makes the panic attack last#longer a pa just does Not let u think rationally untol its over u CANNOT try and fix it while in it and dping that makes it much worse)#if i get thru a pa without a concussion ive done much better than usual :/ i dont want any more#im so tired man. i want to go see a play!#i dont want to Try and then end up hyperventilating and crying with my brain imsisting i Need To be Dead for 2 hours#im the parking lot because it triggers when i park. or worse it triggers when i drive and i have to pull over and im trapped x place for#hours. either way i miss the play i wanted to fucking see!#i hate how panic attacks feel like a trap. not even a trap i can fight. its my own limitation. goddamn ive been fatigued ive been dying#in a hospital a few times. panic attacks feel worse to me. at least dying i can do something (eventually) to stop#altho i guess dying for hours in hospital until i got helped was similar. but ill hopefully only go thru that 1-2 more times in life#and i had like 5 panic attacks during that hospital visit since a heart rate so high like 200 cant calm down anyway
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