#I prefer being sad over dead gay wizards

[vqlfstar]

If The World Was Ending

Regulus used to wonder how the world would end.

More importantly, Regulus wondered what he would do if the world was ending.

Would he finish the books he had been putting off since before the war?

Would he send an owl for Pandora?

Would he cook up a last meal?

Would he visit Draco one last time?

Would he take up Barty and Evan on their offer to finally to run away?

Would he finally leave everything behind and go to Sirius?

Turns out all those thoughts were meaningless.

Because now Regulus' world was ending and all he wanted to do was see the sun one last time.

His sun.

James.

Jamie.

His beautiful James.

As his lungs failed him, and the small hands pulled him deeper, Regulus wished he could see the sun one last time.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #414

“mirror, mirror, tell me who you see  /  am i you or me?  /  i can never remember”

How many people have you kissed? Four. Ever kissed someone you weren’t dating at the time? No. Of the people you’ve kissed, how many do you regret kissing? Two. Ever been kissed by a legal adult when you were a minor (or vise-versa)? Yeah, with Jason, but it was only a two-year difference. Ever kissed someone on a dare/as part of a game? No. Where’s the most public place you’ve ever made out with someone? Nowhere public. I wouldn't do that. Can you snowboard? Never tried. Have you ever made a mixed cd for someone? No. Do you use recycle bins at your house? Yes. Do you own more than one bathing suit? No. Have you ever kissed someone who smokes weed? Jason did occasionally with his best friend, but he stopped for me. How are you right this second? I'm all right. Last night was pretty rough, so I'm just glad that's over. My body is just tired. Is there anything you disliked about your last birthday? Honestly, I barely remember what I did on my last birthday. I just remember it was fine. Oh wait, actually, on the way home from going out to eat, we had to call the cops while behind a car whose driver was obviously drunk or high OFF. HIS. ASS. He was swerving like crazy and almost hit SO many cars. I was having an absolute panic attack. I pray to God that guy was more than just found and fined. Do you keep a diary or journal (offline or online)? No, unless you count surveys, I guess. What were you like a year ago? I was the unhappily the same. Is someone on your mind right now? Fucking always. Having a warm dream about him last night didn't help. Who was the last person you sat next to? My mom. What do you currently hear right now? My screen is split so I can watch John Wolfe play some indie horror games. What’s something you need to go shopping for? I need to get new bras baaaadly because I'm tired of none fitting properly. What’s the last thing you ate? I had a donut 'cuz Mom stopped at Dunkin' for coffee. Do/did you do good in school? I did up to college. Then I just... sucked. Do you always get along with your siblings? I mean I don't see/talk to them every day or anything, not even very regularly even, but we generally get along fine now as adults. We disagree about shit for sure, but keep our mouths shut. Or probably talk to Mom about it while I'm not present. I don't even think they like me half of the time. Are you frustrated with anything? So much. Why did you fall for the last person romantically? There were/are a lot of factors. Just she as a person is phenomenal. What’s your younger sibling’s name? Nicole. Can you speak in a different language conversationally; if so, which language? A tiny bit of German. Do you ever fear of falling asleep? With my nightmares, I used to dread it. Now, thankfully, my APAP mask has prevented them from happening, mostly; I've only had two in the month that I've had it, and I ordinarily had them every single night. Do you have an idea of what kind of profession you’d like to have? I do, but I honestly doubt I'm going to succeed in even making it a part-time job by this damn point. Which beach would you say is your favorite? I don't have a favorite. I don't even like the beach very much. What kind of cookie is your favorite? Chocolate chip. Have you ever had a churro? Yes. Too crunchy and ridiculously sweet, not a fan. Truth be told, are you more into looks or personalities the most? A good personality beats good looks any day. How is/was your chemistry class in high school? I actually didn't take chemistry; my graduating year, physical science was offered as the alternative, which I took. How does alcohol affect you? I get hot, and my face flushes badly. It'll make me more talkative. Have you ever tried lemon brownies? No, and I don't want to. I don't like lemon-flavored stuff like that. What was the last type of meat you ate? Beef. Have you taken any medication today? I have prescriptions I take every day. Have you ever watched Parks and Recreation? I've seen some of it at Sara's house. What is your favourite kind of pasta? Just spaghetti with tomato sauce and meatballs, really. I've been on a major chicken pesto kick lately, though. Have you set an alarm today? No. Think of a random person, and give them a message here, no names: Literally just the chance to say "I'm sorry" would be fucking amazing. Just two fucking words. What if there were two of you? Would the world be in trouble? No. That'd be a waste of space, though. Not like I'm contributing much to society. Would you prefer an ice cream sundae or an ice cream cone? I dunno man, it depends on my mood and what I want in the moment. Do you watch movies with the subtitles on? No; I find it to be distracting. Is the last person you kissed yours? I hate this saying. She's her own person that belongs to nobody but herself. But to just go along with it and answer the question, no, we're not together. Do you think you will be married by the time you are 25? Welp, I'm halfway through 25, so. Do you have siblings over the age of 21? All of my siblings are. Do you have a hard time admitting you’re wrong? No. Especially as I've aged, I'd say I'm pretty quick to accept if I've fucked up. Who has the ability to hurt you the most emotionally? Jason will probably always have that power, even if he's not in my life. Would you ever be a stripper? God no, nobody wants to see that. What are your plans for tomorrow? Just get through the day, man. Do you owe anybody money? No. How would your parents describe you? Reserved, shy, a deep thinker, animal lover, uhhhh... What is the most you have ever weighed? Let's not. Would you ever work at McDonald's? No. I'm never working in food service. If you aren't already, would you go vegetarian or vegan? I want to be a vegetarian and being a vegan would be perfectly ideal for me, but I really don't think I can healthily accomplish either. I am FAR too picky to where I'd almost definitely become malnourished. To make it even worse I absolutely cannot "suck it up" if I don't like a food, so it's not like I could choke down stuff I don't like. Not to mention I'd be pretty sad without any yummy food to look forward to, aha. Coolest person you've ever met? Uhhhh I don't know. Do you wear boxers? No. Girls, how old were you when you first learned how to put in a tampon? I don't remember. Would you ever attend a gay pride parade or festival? I would absolutely love to. Did you see Paranormal Activity 2? I think I've seen all of the movies. I liked them, given paranormal horror films are probably my fave. What would you do if an old man grabbed your ass? Kick him in the fucking balls so goddamn fast and probably slap him across the face at the same time. Probably cry later from feeling violated and having my fear of men aggravated. Do you like moustaches? It depends on the person, but I'd say I generally prefer an attached beard and a mustache versus JUST a mustache. Could you hack into someone's computer if you tried hard enough? No. I have no idea how to do that. Have you ever smoked a cigar? No. Do you go out on Black Friday? Hell no. NOT worth fighting people for deals. Do you have curtains in your bedroom? No; I have those blinds that you can close upwards or downwards. Did you like the Spice Girls when you were little? Yeah, I did. Can you sing the entire Fresh Prince of Bel-Air theme song? I think I can. Do you get heartburn? I'm literally on an antacid prescription, or else I get insane heartburn every day. Are you scared of elevators? To a moderate degree, yes. I'm terrified of it getting stuck. Have you ever seen a dead body in person? Yes, at an open-casket wake. Have you ever seen The Goonies? I have. If you're white, do you ever wish you were black? Or vice versa? I'm fine being Caucasian, but ultimately don't care. Do you bake cookies all the time around Christmas? I don't bake. Do you like your hair pulled? Uhhh... I'm assuming you mean this in a suggestive context, in which case no. Never pull my hair, actually. What kind of jeans do you like? Ripped skinny jeans. What do you think is overrated? Who really cares. Let people enjoy what they enjoy. And what are your goals for the remainder of this year? Lose lots of weight, find a job, get back into old hobbies and develop new ones... Name a city that starts with A in your state/province etc. Asheboro. Name a landmark that starts with M in your state/province etc. I'm blanking right now. When was the last time you gave a horse a carrot? Been years. I think I've only done that once, and I can't even remember where it was. Have you ever had to shovel snow? No. How many seasons is your favorite TV show in so far? MM was just revived for its fifth season! :') Where would you most like to go in your state, etc. that you haven’t been? NC actually has this really old Wizard of Oz theme park! It's on the other end of the state, though, and NC is one wiiiiiide state. What was the last bird you saw? A robin, I think. What color was the last thing you drank? Green. Has a wild animal ever been loose in your house? Besides insects, no. Well wait, scratch that, once or twice we had a small mice problem when we lived in the woods. What’s the name of the bookstores in your city? The only one I know off the top of my head is Books-a-Million. Where do your parents live? I live with my mom, and Dad lives in the same city as us. Have you ever seen or touched an iceberg? No, but that would be cool. What colour are your father’s eyes? Brown. If your ex turned up on your doorstep now, with nowhere else to go, would you let him/her stay? Well one, this isn't my house, so I can't make that decision. My mom being who she is though, she'd let pretty much anyone stay the night. If it was Sara, Mom would let her stay as long as she needed. The last time you cried, was it connected with someone of the opposite sex? Ugh, yes. My PTSD was BAD last night. Delicious warm brownies or a giant cookie? I'll take the brownie. Have you visited a haunted building or area before? No, but damn I'd love to. Have you been to North Carolina? Ayyyyeeeee that's my home.

[mchanv]

(DFYaH) Chapter 7: Midnight Anger

[Originally on AO3]

Summary: I’ve always wondered what Draco Malfoy’s side of the Harry Potter saga was, that’s how I came up with this idea. It is not possible at all to be canon, due to the inability of certain magical items in the story. It runs alongside the books very closely, so some dialogue or actions can come directly from them.       Draco Malfoy goes to Hogwarts for his first year. After being sorted into Slytherin and the night had fallen, a strange silvery bird gives him a message. The bird, seemingly a Phoenix, belongs to Albus Dumbledore, his Headmaster, who gives Draco a book upon his arrival in his office that same night. Draco has no idea what the book meant, but decides to go through with what Dumbledore has asked of him.

Ship: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, Marcus Flint/Oliver Wood (background)

Genre: Adventure/Romance

Word count: 2,974

—————

Draco paced up and down his dormitory, deep in thoughts. Earlier that evening, he had challenged Potter to a Wizard’s duel. He wasn’t planning to go, never had that intention, but he had the feeling Potter would and that had kept him busy for a good hour already.

    Pansy exhaled deeply from her place on Draco’s bed. “Stop the pacing and read the bloody book if you want an answer,” she half-shouted in irritation. Honestly, how would you feel if there was someone walking in front of you for an hour?

    Draco looked up at her, his eyes wide. “Why didn’t you say that earlier!” he exclaimed, hurrying towards his nightstand and grabbing the book. Pansy raised her eyebrows.

    “Did you really not consider it?” she questioned, looking incredulous at Draco. Draco sighed and sat up against the headboard of his bed.

    “No, I did not, Pansy. And I would appreciate it if you’d let me read,” he said and started reading as Pansy didn’t do more than huff.

    A few minutes later, Draco gasped at a line that read: ‘“Sniff around, my sweet, they might be lurking in a corner.”’, catching Pansy’s attention.

    She turned to him and asked, as if in a hurry, “What? What is it?”

    Draco raised his hand and read a few more sentences before looking up at the girl. “I have to tell Filch they’re coming,” he half-whispered, as if in shock. Come to think of it, he might have been in a slight state of shock at that moment.

    Pansy looked at him incredulously. “You have to do what?! Tip them off to Filch? What good comes from that?”

    Draco shrugged, but showed a sudden desperation. This was what the book wanted him to do, so this is what he would do. He looked at Pansy and said, “I’m going now,” before leaving the room and walking through the common room, out in the corridors of the dungeons.

    There he started his search for Filch. He didn’t have to search long as all he had to do was follow Mrs Norris, who had luckily found him quite soon, right to him.

    “Mr Filch?” he called out as he was in earshot.

    The caretaker turned to him with a disgruntled look on his face. “What’s the matter, boy? Painting fallen? Toilet flooded? Spit it out.”

    That took Draco aback slightly but not for too long as he answered only mere seconds later. “No, nothing of that kind. I only wanted to inform you of a meeting from a couple of first-years in the trophy room at midnight,” he finished quickly, feeling slightly bad and guilty about handing them — mostly Potter — over.

    This time, it was Filch who looked taken aback. It took him a short moment longer before an odd, lob-sided smile formed on his old, tattered and ugly lips. “I shall see to them, boy!” he exclaimed before turning around and stumbling away.

    It was with a deep feeling of guilt that Draco went to sleep that night, and he could hardly think of the problems Potter would get, not knowing since he hadn’t finished it yet. Sleeping was even worse since his dreams were solely about Potter! Potter this, Potter that! It was starting to seriously annoy Draco, and he sleepily wished for the morning to come soon. —————

And so it did. Draco woke up early the next morning and looked at the clock to see the arm at five. He sighed and sat up, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes with his hands. He quietly crawled to the end of his bed, towards his trunk, and opened it to take out freshly washed robes. He soundlessly got dressed, pocketed his wand, and grabbed the book and the other things. He sat down behind his desk and started reading, reminding himself to immediately write the important pages so as not having to reread the chapter.

    Draco had to sustain a gasp as he slammed his hand in front of his mouth when he read about the danger in the third-floor corridor. His eyes filled with worry, he willed himself to continue reading, silently hoping Potter, of all people, would come out unharmed. Draco didn’t even question the superiority Potter had in his mind at that moment.

    Draco let out the breath he didn’t even realise he was holding as the group got to their dormitories unharmed. Draco knew that he should feel sad about them not getting caught or — Draco shuddered at the thought — eaten by that giant, three-headed monster. His father certainly would not approve of his behaviour; but he was in the back of his mind while Potter was up front.

    He read on, by far more relaxed, even laughing at the reaction of the Fat Lady.

    A few sentences later, the last one of the chapter, Draco accidentally let out an audible gasp. He looked up with his eyes widened alarmingly as he heard Blaise roll over in his bed mere metres away. He sighed and read the end once more, smiling. Smart, Harry... That’s where it is... he thought, finding himself caring less at the use of the Gryffindor’s first name than before.

    He turned to the start of the chapter, grabbed the notebook, pencil and parchment with the important pages, and began to note the information. His next meeting with Dumbledore would be that Saturday, the next day, so he finished the chapter quickly.

    It still took some time since he had to stop every time a boy would wake up and look like he wasn’t doing anything suspicious, like reading a blank book or something. Theodore Nott had been the first to wake up at a quarter past six, a full fifteen minutes later than the first week of school. Seems like school’s worn him out, Draco had thought as he had watched the boy’s morning ritual while trying to not seem like a complete pervert. It’s not like he was gay, after all.

    Blaise had soon followed at half past, only to have been followed by Crabbe and Goyle around seven. Draco was convinced they only awoke early to eat more. He sighed once he was alone again and finished the last part in a little under an hour. He grabbed his stuff for the day and trotted out the dorm, common room and dungeons, up to the Great Hall for breakfast.

    Draco was grateful for having read ahead the next chapter as far as he could. That way, he knew to put on his best surprised face as he saw Potter sitting at the Gryffindor Table when he entered the Hall. He swiftly took his seat next to Pansy and filled her in on everything that had happened in a low whisper.

    All she could do was look at him in awe, her eyes showing she lived with the victims that had had to meet that monstrous ‘dog’. She patted his back and gave him a soft, warm smile before they both returned to their food.

    Later that morning, Draco realised he absolutely despised Snape’s way of teaching. Yes, he was his godfather, but that’s no reason for why he can’t hate his teaching method. And Snape’s teaching method was downright unacceptable, hate-driven and preferred praising, most of which seemed to be to the wrong people in Draco’s mind.

    On the outside, he had to look like he backed up his every word, obviously, but on the inside he apologised over and over to Potter, and sometimes to his friends and even less to the other Gryffindors. Just like that morning, Potter had this strange, superior position in Draco’s mind and he had no idea how the Gryffindor could earn him that place.

    He dismissed it with a smile he played off as being glad Snape had just taken a point from Granger for knowing the answer to a question again. In his mind, though, he silently thanked her for helping him figure out the fact only he could read the book.

    The rest of the day went by relatively quick and Draco spent a lovely evening with Pansy. He was genuinely glad to have such a great friend and made sure to never make her forget what she meant to him.

    He went to bed early and quickly fell into a peaceful, dreamless sleep, the golden writing on the book glinting in the left-over light that fell into the dorm-room. Only visible for his eyes.

—————

Draco awoke late that Saturday morning by Pansy, calling him out of his bed. He hastily got dressed and continued his day quite relaxed. Daytime mostly considered of studying. They had one quiz and three essays that Monday and finishing them all on Sunday would be impossible.

    Draco was glad to have Pansy keeping him company throughout the day, but a little less glad that he would have to be making his way up to his Headmaster’s office at a quarter to ten that evening. Pansy had tried to get him to relax, but to no avail. Draco shuddered while wondering what Dumbledore would say if he found out most of the things that Thursday had happened because of him. Would he still be allowed to read the book?

    Or, even worse, what would happen when he found out about Potter and his friends entering the out-of-bounds third-floor corridor? He was scared to dead by the time Pansy nudged him to get ready to leave. But not wanting to anger Pansy, did so. He rushed to get ready and, after she had pulled him into a last, comforting hug, quickly fled the common room.

—————

Draco sighed while making his way through corridor after corridor. Nothing really happened, and his horrible thoughts luckily didn’t become reality like he thought they would. Draco found that the last two weeks felt too good to be true. Nothing terrible had happened, only good things. But Draco found out after rounding a corner that that would soon change.

    Usually, Draco had an excuse for being out after curfew because of his meetings, but he had been strolling aimlessly through the corridors and Draco guessed it was already past midnight. His excuse had faltered and he would have to pay the price the horror around the corner had brought to him.

    He didn’t notice it at first, only a slightly odd feeling of a mysterious presence in the corridor, until he looked down. There, on the ground, stood Mrs Norris, looking up at Draco with her yellow cat eyes. Draco’s breath hitched as the cat turned tail and ran away, obviously getting Filch.

    He was in for it now, he decided, but turned around none the less. He ran for maybe a full minute before a dark figure ran out a corridor in front of him, blocking his path. Draco heard a shrill laugh and his eyes widened horrified when he noticed who it was.

    “You foolish boy! No meeting with the Headmaster now, have you?” Filch, the Caretaker, taunted, walking closer to Draco who stood there, as if petrified. “You shouldn’t be in this corridor either way!” Filch pointed behind Draco and he turned around, looking right at the third-floor corridor.

    He looked back at Filch and gulped; knowing he was about to get the same faith as Potter where he’d have to decide between a three-headed dog or a one-headed slave terrified him. Luckily, Filch caught him before he would enter because, just like the Gryffindor, he’d chose the latter.

    Another hollow laugh from Filch shook him out of his ‘day’’dream’. “Follow me, boy!” he screeched, turning around and walking towards the dungeons. The walk was silent, leaving Draco alone to his thoughts.

    His thought were racing, though, and Draco was scared. Not scared of what kind of punishment Snape would give him, though. Severus was his godfather and the most he’d do is take off a few points and a detention. And that was already the most. So, no, he wasn’t scared of that. He was scared of what Pansy would say the next day...

    Earlier, he had told Pansy it wouldn’t take too long. Draco guessed she’d be waiting for him down in the common room. At first, he had planned to return immediately, but got caught up in his thoughts and took a wrong turn. In took him maybe half an hour to find his way back.

    After that, he just continued walking through the school, as if he were mapping everything. The castle was enormous, he soon found out after he got lost a second time. He guessed it would take at least half your time at Hogwarts to know where everything was.

    He looked up when he heard someone knock on wood and was shocked to see they were already in front of Snape’s room. A second later, the door opened to reveal Severus, in his nightwear. He looked from Draco to Filch, his gaze showing his obvious annoyance of being woken at such a time.

    “There was a student out of bed, sir,” Filch started. Snape raised his eyebrows and looked back down at Draco. Okay, this was a lot scarier than he had imagined. “This boy here,” he said as he gave Draco a little shove.

    Snape nodded. “You can leave, Argus,” he stated simply, his stare still stuck on Draco. Filch scoffed before turning around and leaving. When he turned around the corner, Snape let out a long, disappointed sigh.

    “Care to tell me what you’re doing out this late, Draco?” he asked, Draco shifted nervously on his feet, staring at the ground.

    He took a deep breath and looked back up at Severus. “I...” he started, deciding to just tell the truth, “I had a meeting with the Headmaster at ten and I started wandering through the castle... I’m sorry, sir, I lost track of time...” Usually, a Malfoy would never even think about sincerely apologising, if it wasn’t to save their own skin, but he knew Snape and Severus knew him and no-one was around so he figured I’d be all right for once.

    Snape sighed. “First, Draco, no formalities when we’re alone. Second, that is five points from Slytherin and I would like you to return to your dormitory this instant,” he finished scolding. Draco always forgot Snape was still his godfather in situations like these, and that they only needed to be formal in another’s presence.

    He nodded and turned around, saying, “Don’t worry, it won’t happen again, Severus.”

    “I sure hope it won’t, Draco. Don’t think the book can get you out of all your trouble,” Severus scolded. Seconds later, Draco heard the door fall shut, and he took a deep breath before turning around and going further down the corridor towards the Slytherin Dormitories.

    Upon going through the door, Draco saw a shadow rising from its seat in a dark corner of the room. The figure hurried over to Draco and his eyes widened in panic and slight fear, though he’d never admit that, when he noticed who it was. Pansy Parkinson. Oh Merlin, he was going to get hell.

    “And where do you think you were out to this late at night?!” she scolded as she came in earshot, suddenly being only an inch or two from his face with hers, Draco saw her eyes burn with anger. “It’s nearly one o’clock! You said it wouldn’t take too long!” she continued, her voice showing just how furious she was.

    “Pansy,” Draco started uncertainly, “c-calm down, okay?” That... was the most wrong thing to say to a girl ever! The fire in her eyes only blazed stronger. Draco was sure to remember to never ask or tell a girl to calm down. Ever.

    “Calm down? Calm down! Calm down my arse! Apologise for your tardiness right — this — instant!” she bit. Draco backed away slowly until his back was up against the wall.

    He swallowed thickly. He swallowed his pride and muttered, “S-sorry, Pans... I-i got lost once... o-or twice...” Honestly, this was scarier than his father being angry at him for laughing too loud in front of guests, this was hell and Draco was sure to remember just to never anger her ever again.

    She visibly calmed down after the apology and went in for a hug. Draco hugged her back hesitantly, fearing another outburst. But there wasn’t one, instead a soft whispering against his ear. “I’m sorry for getting angry. I was just worried about you...” Pansy whispered, Draco wondered if he imagined her voice shaking.

    He hugged her fully now, enclosing her in a strong embrace. “It’s fine, Pans. But I’m tired now so I better be off to bed.” He pulled out of the hug and smiled up at her. She wasn’t much taller, but the height difference was obvious this up close.

    “All right,” she said, hugging him one last time and turning around to the girls’ corridor. Right before disappearing, she turned to Draco again. “Goodnight!” she exclaimed, suddenly a lot more cheerful. And she turned around and vanished for real.

    Draco sighed. “‘Night,” he said, but wasn’t sure she heard it. He made his own way to his dorm and hastily did everything needed and soon fell asleep. He only hoped Pansy would have mercy on him tomorrow and let him sleep until at least nine. He hoped.

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(Text Copyright © 2020 MChanV)