#I relate to too many of the songs on the album and find them oddly relatable to me and my life

[gnomeniche]

SO. OKAY. "SILLY SAD DUCK" TALK BECAUSE IT HAS ME IN THE BIRDMANGELION MINES. welcome back to the corner where i spin conspiracy theories about duck.

so, "silly sad duck" was a bonus track from a dhmis album that was sent out to backers of the kickstarter in 2017. so it's pre-pilot and pre-tv show, which is important because i'm interested in this song in the context of the creators' ideas for where they could take dhmis and duck in particular.

this motherfucker's gonna get real fuckin speculative. and rambly. i'm very sorry i need to get all my thoughts out and it's the middle of the night so the structure's loose.

let's start out with some analysis of the song itself and the rest of dhmis surrounding it. the thing that immediately stands out is that this song, which is placed after every other song on the album, is about duck being "sad because he can't find his friends".

first of all. this was the last mental state we saw him in, and his fear of losing his friends keeps coming up in later dhmis media.

second of all. this kind of highlights how different his end was from his friends'?

like red and yellow were alive but isolated in relatively coherent false worlds, but as far as we know, duck just fucking died. and if he didn't, we don't know where he could have been. even the world he woke up in when he was being eaten was ambiguous.

a lot about his final moments were ambiguous. the metaphor is clear but the literal meaning of it is hazy. and he only appeared in the finale due to the machine glitching and bringing him out of... whatever limbo he went to after his consumption. this song's context, too, is ambiguous, and it makes significant use of audio glitches and distortion.

and like. this isn't the only time in post-original-series-dhmis that they've highlighted duck's existence relating oddly to the world's resets and the enforced narrative.

in the pilot he keeps repeating "i've lived in this town my whole life!" for seemingly no reason. this running gag is one of many reminders in the pilot that the three of them were somewhere BEFORE clayhill and they just can't remember. him insistently, dreamily saying it at odd occasions gives off the feeling that something about him has been thrown off. pilot!red gets flashes of awareness, but pilot!duck is strangely and pointedly unaware, as if he had been overwritten a little too forcibly. maybe due to both the shock of his death and how he disrupted the show so badly?

besides that, there's the connection between how he's pulled along by the antagonist of the pilot and how in the tv series he seems the least comfortable with throwing off the narrative. something about resets and death and punishments and replacements (though he's still the same even though he was replaced).

and SPEAKING of the whole replacement-but-does-it-really-matter thing, that's one of the weird interactions between duck's existence and the narrative in the tv show! along with that bit in the "electricity" blackout where there's his headless corpse next to a tv with a clip of him waving out at the screen that we've never seen before. which is another instance of duck in an ambiguous space. hm.

speaking of narrative, what's with the singer? who are they?

the singer acts like a narrator for the audience's benefit and maintains a warm, teacherly tone toward the student. the way they reads their lines gives the impression that they are doing the voice for duck; they inhale before the duck voice speaks its first line of gibberish. the dynamic of being a puppet on a show is extremely visible in this song.

to me, this gives off shades of lesley, our amiable narrator/puppeteer. i feel like this singer might have been some kind of precursor to her character. it could have been an early draft of an in-universe "show host" or "writer" presence, or it could have been a device that they used for this one song that later sparked the idea for the lesley character. but either way i think there's some kind of inspirational connection.

and the phrase "silly sad duck" itself... "silly" and "sad" are both fundamental to duck's character the way i interpret him. silly to deflect fears that may make him sad. however: how does the singer mean it? given how every other teacher in dhmis acts, they could very well be chiding him for being sad. saying that he's silly for grieving his loss? his sadness is silly?

and the singer's way of treating his loss as a cute little children's show (bc there’s a lot of these sweet-style little kids shows where a narrator speaks to an animated character as they do stuff! examples escape me rn though) might also serve to minimize legitimate pain in the characters as insigificant. which is a recurring theme with the authority figures in dhmis but i just wanna note its appearance here.

and the most important question: who IS that over there?

option 1: it's the other two! bc they came back once red pulled the plug and reset the show. he found his friends! the sweetness of this option IS undermined by the ominous deepening distortion of the narrator's voice at the end, but is the ending of dhmis not ALSO ambiguously sweet vs ominous. this does beg the question: is this song an in-universe thing. in the time between between his death and the plug pulling, was duck in some kind of puppet limbo where the meta of the show (where he's a puppet guided by a narrator) was a little thinner? if that's true, it would make sense with the increased meta associations of duck in later dhmis media.

option 2: it's NOT the other two. "who is it then" i don't know. but whatever it is, it can't be good. here's some sub-options:

2a: the audience? duck alludes to an audience a couple of times in a new series, and the clip of him on the tv in the blackout is waving at the screen and thus the watchers.

2b: a replacement? the first time his consciousness got transferred to another one of himself?

2c: another meta "puppeteer" figure like roy or lesley? maybe the featureless figures who are behind the cameras in "computers" and moving the puppets in "electricity"?

2d: a metaphorical thing of him realizing that the singer of the song is a separate person whose existence is weirdly enmeshed with his own? this one's probably too abstract but

so now we get to what i think it might mean regarding how the creators developed their ideas for the dhmis series. obvious disclaimer that i am not the creators and i cannot read their minds. this is just speculation.

this and the pilot are both two of the first pieces of post-original-series dhmis content, and they both show a strong focus on duck. which is very interesting to me. it couldn't have escaped the creators' notice that duck had a strange ending in the original series; both the pilot and the tv show constantly reference it.

this song focuses on duck's fear of being left alone. which is obv drawn from "health" (i've given up on calling it “food” bc the tracklist for the album calls the webseries 5 song "the healthy song"). but this trait keeps coming up in media released after this song was made? in the pilot, it's not explicit, but the way he's so easily able to be lured with the idea of keeping everything in the town secure could relate to this fear. and in the tv series, many of his negative reactions are spurred by his fears for his friends). and though we saw these traits in "health," what's interesting is that this song indicates a decision to keep and commit to this as a part of his character.

given this song's... everything... and how threads of its ideas keep running through the rest of dhmis, i really do feel like the creators have had the vague idea of something they want to do with duck's character development and and the narrative for a long time. in general, i think they've had many fairly consistent ideas for the direction of dhmis that they've been trying to shape across different iterations. like the whole "narrative is manipulating the protagonists and they will have to shatter it" thing

so, it's very interesting to me that duck's consequences of his own death, ambiguous existence within the world, and certain core character traits have seemingly been around for so long that they all come up in this bonus song from 2017.

just to be clear: i am not saying that the creators have had everything about dhmis planned out since the beginning. i truly do not think so. i just think it’s interesting to track the development of their ideas as they figured it out over time n what they decided to keep vs throw out. and i think it’s cool that you can kind of see it in these different stages of the show

anyway (pins all this up on a conspiracy board labeled with the words "get hype for birdmangelion" in huge block letters)

[milo-knight]

Did I tell you guys that I wrote over 2,000 words the other day analyzing Harry’s House and by analyzing it I mean giving my super subjective personal interpretations of the song alongside a list of my fav observations and parts of each song - cause I did - I did do all that

[chaotically-cas]

The Wall by Pink Floyd x Ponyboy Curtis Essay (part 1 of 2)

Umm first off I would like to say I know how dumb all of this sounds & I know this is far from intelligent or anything close to a thought I can articulate, so before I get hate for this, I know it’s dumb. So hush.

Anyways. 

Tw // talk of death, suicidal ideations/thoughts, trauma, (events from the book)

Like 2.1k words

Also I didn’t fully proof read this

- - -

One of my favorite albums of all time is The Wall by Pink Floyd. It is a two part album that tells the fictional story of a rock star named Pink, and his life and struggles. As it is my favorite album I couldn’t help myself but draw some very strong connections between the story of Pink, and Ponyboy. Pink and Pony both spent their lives building a metaphorical wall around them to help deal with the traumas of life. And I wanted to write this oddly formatted essay in connection with Pony and an analysis of most of the songs.

In The Flesh?: starts off right in the middle, the song is about someone mocking asking questions similar to ‘is this what you expected me to become’? I think this is about the time in Pony’s life when he is writing for his English class. In the song it says, “Tell me, is something eluding you, sunshine? Is this not what you expected to see?”. I think this is similar to Pony thinking about Johnny and symbolizing of how he is thinking to himself on how did this all happen to him and so quickly. Maybe even without his full knowledge. So I think the question the lyrics pose are just as much a genuine question to himself as a rhetorical one. Another lyric I think can show Pony’s reflection not only on the events of the past week but also him reflecting into himself is “If you wanna find out what's behind these cold eyes. You'll just have to claw your way through this disguise.” This shows how Pony feels himself aging and being changed but also wanting others to see himself for more than what’s in the newspaper. Pony talks a lot about only being seen as a greaser or a hood and maybe if people were to ‘claw through’ that disguise they could see what Cherry and Johnny saw.

The Thin Ice: this song is a flashback to the version of Pony before the events of that Sunday. Where he was not exactly innocent but wasn’t aged like he was after. The beginning of the song talks about a mother and fathers love for their child which is slowly being seen as less of a reality. This is the death of Pony’s parents. “Don't be surprised when a crack in the ice. Appears under your feet. You slip out of your depth and out of your mind.”, this can explain how Pony felt ripped to shreds and like the ice of his innocence has been broken from underneath him. The ice both represents his parents love and life, as well as his life before knowing death the way he does now.

Another Brick In The Wall (part1): I think this one is the most obvious. The first brick being placed in the wall. The wall being a metaphor of how Pony begins to mentally distance himself from others by building a metaphorical wall around himself, and him using different events in his life as ‘bricks’ to build it. The first ‘brick’ and event being the death of his parents, especially in a very traumatic way. “Daddy's flown across the ocean. Leaving just a memory” is quite literally about the death of a parent, making the connection to Pony’s situation go without being said. Additionally, I think the line “Daddy, what else did you leave for me?” can show Pony’s confusion with his life and him beginning to question who he is and what his place in it all is.

Another Brick In The Wall (part 2): something notable and worth mentioning in this part two of ABITW is how it says “youre” another brick in the wall. Instead of “its”. So we already know it is referring to a person, which in Pony’s case is Bob. It’s a bit of a jump from his parents dying but the death of Bob is what truly kick started the whole events of Pony’s story and the book. I think it is also worth mentioning that Johnny could also be the new brick in Pony’s wall. Seeing a kid like Johnny, only a few years older than him but being aged dramatically by his trauma, relating with Pony too now. So it is totally possible that Pony finding himself relating to the trauma and actions of Johnny, being another brick in the wall he is building around himself. Especially in the line “We don't need no education”, as it shows how Pony is starting to feel himself unwittingly starting to fit into the whole ‘greaser’ stereotype that has been placed on him.

Mother: Now this song is definitely in symbolism to his relationship with Darry. I think it is shown through many lines but especially in the overall meaning of the song. The song is about an overprotective mother figure that tries to dominate the life of the singer. Which is very similar to the way Darry begins to treat Pony after the death of their parents. The song starts off with the singer asking their mother all these questions and advice, which I think would be very similar to the dynamic of Pony and Darry shortly after the funeral. With Pony being lost in life and asking Darry for help. But as the song goes on the singer sees how toxic and overpowering the relationship has come in dominating his life. But before that point of view can be fully expressed, the mother takes over and is telling the son about how to feel once again. I think this is exactly how the dynamic between the Curtis brothers has shifted around the day of Bob’s death. Especially with Darry finally pushing Pony, and that being the last straw of Pony realizing the control he no longer wants Darry to have. Most importantly with the lines about the mother pushing her fears onto her child, which seems to be exactly what Darry is doing to Pony. Because Darry sees the same potential in Pony that he had. There are too many lines for me to analyze but I think the most important one has to be the very last line, “Mother, did it need to be so high?”. This is where Pony would be asking Darry why he needed to be and act the way he did, especially to him, and truly beginning the deeper questioning of everything.

Goodbye Blue Sky: this song starts out by a reflection of childhood innocence by the line “Look mummy, there's an aeroplane up in the sky”. This to me is when Pony is running away with Johnny, before going to the park. When his head is too cloudy and juvenile perhaps to think rationally. But then the song fades into questions about ‘frightened ones’ and ‘falling bombs’ which is Pony telling Johnny about how Darry had hit him and in a way he felt like this whole life had been starting to fall apart. The song even states a specific line about running for shelter, which is exactly what Pony does to Johnny. Another obvious connection is the ‘goodbye’ aspect of it. Where Pony and Johnny are running away, in a literal goodbye from Tulsa and their problems. “Goodbye blue sky” can be seen as them saying goodbye to the blue skies of life before the skies turned grey, in a metaphorical sense.

Empty Spaces: this song is by far one of the shortest from the album but I still think the connections are intense. A very powerful start off with “What shall we use. To fill the empty spaces. Where we used to talk?” which I think can be connected to the silence between Johnny and Pony right after Johnny kills Bob. Because Johnny and Pony used to have the best and most honest conversations, but not in this moment there is nothing but empty and painful silence between them as they realize what has just happened. And then the next line is more of Pony’s internal dialogue in my opinion, “How shall I fill. The final places? How should I complete the wall?”. I see it as him asking himself if this was the final event he needed to completely run away and distance himself from this life. From the pressure of ‘greaser life’ to the challenges at home and in his own head. He is asking himself if he wants this to be the final ‘brick’ in the wall of his life.

Young Lust: Now this song is when it is really starting to be expressed that Pony has almost completely lost himself from who he was just hours ago. “I am just a new boy. Stranger in this town. Where are all the good times? Who's gonna show this stranger around?”, is very indicative of Pony feeling completely lost and besides himself. Like a stranger in his own head, and one who feels in bad need of assistance because of how lost he feels. Especially without the guidance and overwhelming protection of Darry. In a sort of broken way of beginning to feel free.

One Of My Turns: In this song is can be connected to the conversation Cherry and Pony were having earlier, which Cherry eluded to the idea of the separate groups of Socs and Greasers not being so fundamentally different. In the line, “Day after day, love turns grey. Like the skin of a dying man” it can be seen as talking about Bob’s death. While it is quite literally referencing the skin of a dying man, I think it could also be metaphoric of how Bob’s death was like the beginning of a bigger thing. In a sort of, death brings even more tragedy than one body, sort of ideal. Also, “And night after night, we pretend it's all right. But I have grown older. And you have grown colder. And nothing is very much fun anymore” I think this is about Pony and Johnny. Pony feels like he has aged tremendously in one night, and seeing Johnny grow into a completely different and more ‘cold’ version of his best friend. The song goes on to discuss the singers feelings of numbness, regret, and horror in a series of metaphors and questions. Maybe in reference to possible suicidal ideations, much like the thoughts Johnny expressed earlier in the day.

Don’t Leave Me Now: I think don’t leave me now isnt as important of a song to the story line the rest but still worth mentioning because I see it as a conversation between Pony and himself. He is asking himself to not run away and telling himself that it doesn't have to be the end of the road, when deep down he knows that just isn’t true. He is conflicted about running away and staying to face life, even though he knows the decision he already made.

Another Brick In The Wall (part 3): And Pony finally deciding to run away with Johnny, with help from Dally, is the last brick in his wall. “I don't need no arms around me. And I don't need no drugs to calm me.”, can show the true numbness of the situation and how Pony has already adjusted in a way to how different he knew his life was gonna be after this final event and decision. But in a way he is also unsure if exactly what was going to happen now. I think this is best shown through the use of ‘think’ in the line “Don't think I need anything at all”. It shows that while Pony is trying to figure out where to go from here, he still has a bit of that child like innocence in him where he isn’t completely sure of what needs to happen next, but he knows it won’t work out in his favor. Because he knows that back in Tulsa people are bound to figure out it was him and Johnny behind it all, which would make them “all just bricks in the wall”, to Ponyboy.

Goodbye Cruel World: there isn’t no extravagant connection to be made or discussed in detail about this song, as it is just even more of Pony saying goodbye to life as jr knew it and the innocent child like version of himself. “Goodbye all you people. There's nothing you can say. To make me change. My mind” is exactly what I think Pony would have going through his head as he fell asleep on the train, especially in thoughts about Soda and how he couldn’t even stay for him, because that meant changing the entire outcome of the night. And in his mind nothing could change the fact that he and Johnny needed to go.

[youcantfiremebecauseiquit]

idk if u care but crispin gray recently had an interview about his entire career and it kind of changed my perspective of queenadreena…idk if for better or for worse lol. it was weird to see him so dismissive of a lot of his catalogue w katie except for ‘love your money’ just because that was the only remotely chart successful song. i get you want to be able to sustain yourself but jeez him and katie really had a weird back and forth relationship

Sorry i'm replying late, i've seen the interview pop up on Youtube but honestly i was too invested in university shit recently & generally not in the good mood for that but i'm planning to watch. How did it change your view on Queen Adreena, did he say something mean specifically on QA or Katie? I mean i gotta watch it but honestly? Not surprised in the slightest. A few years ago he was asked to describe fave songs he recorded throughout the years and he listed more of Daisy Chainsaw ones than anything else, with Love Your Money as number 1. The differences in their points of view are real something, Katie Jane absolutely HATED Love Your Money, same as Daisy Chainsaw. Kinda apparent he wanted bigger fame but DC dropped fast and QA failed to live up to their predictions.

i had a time when i liked to dig up old Queen Adreena interviews that are lost in the old internet & generally not available for years (which i planned to post on is-she-suffering but my investment in that site is... varied in its intensity). Also that was back in the days when i wrote Queen Adreena book during manic phase and tried to sell it but lost motivation Well since i don't do anything with that knowledge anyway i'll put what i know here as i love fan discussions

So they sure had/have odd back and forth love-hate relationship & that's the reason why their career went how it went. There's been a huge tension between them at some point. I'm sure you know she had a major mental breakdown (probably schizophrenic episode) after Daisy Chainsaw, or even beginning before her leaving, and then she went into isolation and lived with an old woman in Lake District for awhile. She left Daisy Chainsaw cause Crispin didn't want her to come up with her own songs (all of DC was by Crispin except for Lovely ugly brutal world by KJ).

They almost split up as Queen Adreena after Drink Me. The material for The Butcher and The Butterfly was written at different times, originally it was meant to be called Atom Bomb at Bikini but it was constantly delaying and they eventually recorded everything they've got live. So that's obvious right? But i was surprised to find out they were writing songs separately. Some of them (i forgot which though) were written by Katie Jane and Pete Howard's sons band (they're even credited) + some with Melanie Garside, Richard Adams + some other musician. Katie Jane didn't like it. They intended it to be their last album at the time. She also hated live at ICA show but they released it cause they were broke

But that's a digression. I just wanna say that at this point they were done with each other but kept pushing it. Katie had her own art projects and stuff, Crispin started Dogbones with Nomi and i just remember how vaguely pissed at Katie he waas in the interviews. Like he stressed that Dogbones is his number one priority and if Katie wants to do something with Queenadreena, she must wait til Dogbones have a break first or something, and it sounded oddly bitter.

RaCH and Djinn era are just so weird, they had opportunities but let them go in a way. I don't think many people know but they were huge demand in Japan. They entered album charts and were interviewed by 11 magazines and 6 (!)TV stations there (wtf happened to that material i want to know???). But they only played 5 times or less.

Katie said she considers the band dead but they decided they can try to play for a couple more months. But aside from that she 100% lost the interest in the band around Djinn. There's an interview where she says "the overall image is Crispin but the shape will change again at rehearsals". And you can hear it, it’s more blues rock than anything. IMO it's their worst production wise. Instruments are fine but Katie's voice is so badly produced that sometimes i find some songs fucking irritating, cause they didn’t cut out her breaths and the vocals are TOO LOUD, to the point of distorting. As if she stands too close to the mic. The album is fine but it feels unfinished.

And here we come back to Crispin... here's what he said after the QA split:

Why the Dogbones started? “I needed to work more than the previous band I was in was working, the previous band who shall remain nameless, haha… um… Queenadreena. I wanted to work more than the singer of Queenadreena wanted to work… so that’s why it started. Fine by me… but I really like to be in a band, I’m not a solo project kind of guy. The last album (‘Djin’) did come out in the UK, but it was so low key because Katie kind of disappeared so there was little point in promoting it. Personally it’s my favourite by far so it was a shame but there you go… So here are Dogbones, it’s not been an easy ride but we are trying very hard.

Ok so the bitterness is kinda apparent isn't it. I think there were two reasons why they argued so much, first musical differences. Katie at some point lost interest in loud rock music for some years and went the folk way in Ruby Throat. I have a theory that Taxidermy and Drink Me are more influenced by Katie Jane and Butcher and Djinn are more Crispin. During first albums i think Katie more actively took part in music composition and choosing arrangements. She wrote lyrics, melodies but also composed a lot of songs on some little electronic keyboard thing and 4 track (Heavenly Surrender, Pray for me, My Silent Undoing, all Lalleshwari +more). Plus she wanted more peaceful/dreamy sound on Taxidermy than full on rock, Crispin complained about it in some 00's interview, that he'd like it to be more rock. Then there are 2 versions of Drink Me, the original has rough and alt versions of songs (it was sold by Katie and it's leaked on FB and probably YT). Crispin Gray apparently really hated the final Drink Me. Now next album is The Butcher & The Butterfly and it's more standard blues rock, no more crazy dreamy things of previous albums etc., Djinn is even more blues rock but darker. Djinn was his favourite at some point while KJ hated Butcher, not sure about Djinn. So i think they had different views on where they should go, Katie made her weird simplistic creepy tunes (like Lalleshwari) and folk melodies adding that strange things to noise rock. Crispin probably wanted blues & rock.

Other than that, i’m convinced they are bitter exes, lol. There’s been rumours about them dating during Daisy Chainsaw for years, plus Katie had a history of dating band members. Crispin wrote X-ing off the days about her. I don’t know if they dated again in Queen Adreena. Then there’s this interview, timeline is unclear, either The butcher & the butterfly or later:

„Katie writes all the songs herself and often looks for melodies and structure with the drummer. With Crispin - her husband or ex-husband, which is not entirely clear to me - for almost three years she has no longer been in a room. "Sometimes we send him a letter with a new song and that's all we can do. All we have are our lungs and our musical talent and we have to do with it. It is repugnant difficult life, I know most of the time how I should deal with it." But Queenadreena will still remain even exist? "I think so, we are now pretty busy and I see where the ship aground.”

I always wondered what exactly happened after Djinn, i’ve seen Katie Jane say „i think they gave up on me” while others said she disappeared. Other times CG said there’s no bad blood between them but at the same time there’s been some weird tension.  As of recent i thought they reconnected somehow through the internet and had a good relation but who really knows.s

I get why Crispin gets irritated when people compare everything he does to „stealing from KJ” but honestly, he gave them good reasons, at least in the 90’s. I can believe Starsha Lee singer isn’t copying Katie cause she’s from Brazil or something and she didn’t know Queen Adreena before. But everything else… Crispin’s problem is that he doesn’t know what he wants. He spent 90’s chasing something, tried singing himself, had girl singer replacements and even one KJ copy. Dogbones was ironically his most original non-Katie band, even with all their grunge influences. In a way he wants to be a frontman and at the same time doesn’t. Idk if he’s very controlling, but Daisy Chainsaw shows he valued his songs/lyrics first & in Queen Adreena he had to step back a lot, cause Katie’s condition was she would be in charge of the lyrics. I don’t think he realizes how strongly Daisy Chainsaw issues affected Katie, i mean from her own words you can read that aside from media attention/hate, her being unable to write lyrics had a role in her breakdown. I think she now let go but for years she hated remembering Daisy Chainsaw and she felt kind of worthless cause she was only somebody else’s mouthpiece. I’m not trying to say he’s cruel or anything, but i firmly believe rock lyrics writers should sing their own songs or else there are problems.

They both were writers-composers with different vision and i have impression they struggled a lot while shaping their songs, cause they both stuck to their ideas. Hence 2 versions of Princess Carwash maybe. Katie once said that he „gets terribly upset with her” cause she writes her songs on a simple wind organ and uses a few chord buttons only. Clash of writer ways/personalities/egos and at some point they had to let go.

Maybe he prefers music/bands where he was 100% in control including lyrics (note he wrote/sang some lyrics in Dogbones too). Daisy Chainsaw achieved bigger success US and UK wise as they were offered to play Top of The Pops, and they’re more well liked/remembered by „general alt public”. Queen Adreena however is way more valued as a cult band, with cult following and admiration in UK & France. Most people think Pretty Like Drugs and other QA songs are his best work and he probably finds it irritating cause truth is, he never managed to be more successful than Daisy Chainsaw/Queenadreena. Love Your Money is ironically the least Crispin Gray/DC/QA sounding song in my opinion. I kinda find it irritating that he downplays Queen Adreena cause it was probably his best work in this band but whatever

So yeah sorry for the word spill, that’s what i can think of it right now but as i said, i haven’t watched the interview yet, it’s just this kind of treatment is in a way consistent for him

[80s-roger]

Flirty & Insistent

Pairing: 70s!Roger Taylor x Fem!Reader

note: female reader's ethnicity will not affect the person who reads it. She's just greek and she already has a name but the POV will be in second person.

also, i won’t post smuts/series as often as i did until next month, due to uni’s exams period. but i’ll reblog and stuff, u kno. I’ll work in the meanwhile your requests xx love you all 

ps i worked hard on this one, i hope you like it as much as i did. feedback will be massively appreciated.

requested by anonymous:

"Plss write something smutty about roger being a massive flirt and being soo cheeky the reader(after trying acting indifferent and unimpressed) eventually gives in to the temptation of letting him have his way with her?? 💕💕 "

masterlist // dialogue prompts

summary: you left your country a decade ago to study in the UK and after graduating you established in Mallorca, Spain to work as a mixologist. That summer night, you're working for a party arranged by Queen's management to celebrate their "A Day At The Races" era success. The blonde drummer notices you fixing drinks with confidence and doesn't lose the chance to flirt with you. He's just trying too hard because you play it uninterested until he has his way with you.

word count: 3,933

warnings: surface sex, slow burn (becauase they were talking a lot before, idk if it really is a slow burn tho)

A huge party was taking place in Mallorca, with the famous rock band Queen being the main guests of the event. You were one of the bartenders so all you had to do that night was fixing drinks for every person until they'd be shitfaced. The preparations were ready: the event was hosted at the beachside, opposite the calm waves and the golden sand. The sunset was magical to stare at, ready to welcome the bright moon. You had a moment to appreciate it before guests would come at any moment. It was the only thing that reminded you of your ex without feeling angsty about it; you gotta admit you didn't break up with good terms. It was toxic, yet heartbreaking. You loved that man but he left after cheating on you. It's been half a year and you needed to give yourself a break from dating and making out regardless of how social your job is and how much flirt you've received.

The guests arrived, minute by minute they'd get from fifty to hundred. Many people were coming to your counter to order drinks and cocktails. Beautiful women and attractive men would try to flirt with you but turned them down politely saying while you're working you can't do otherwise so they respected it. All these people were actually invited by Queen, their management and the entire record company. They were all celebrating Queen's "A Day At The Races" success and certainly the band which were yet to be seen until midnight.

You were working your ass for a couple of hours now until the band showed up. You could tell by the huge welcoming. The applause, the cheers and definitely women cajoling over them. Here they were standing in the centre of attention, thanking everyone for supporting them and buying their records. Their music was playing at the stereo and you couldn't prevent yourself from jamming to their songs.

When their speech was over, everyone was free to do what they wanted so your bar counter was full again with people chatting and drinking. You saw the entire fucking band coming to your place, obviously for an order. You tried to stay calm because hands-off, you liked their music and fangirled a lot when you saw them live last year in London with your boyfriend.

"Hello beautiful, can I have some Moet & Chandon, please? I really need to celebrate!" Freddie spoke first, carrying a wide smile on his face.

"Sure." You kindly accepted his offer.

"I'd like the same with Freddie." Brian interrupted when you moved behind to grab the expensive bottle and open it.

"So do I." John added and you nodded to grab three glasses, for now.

"And you?" You turned your gaze to the blonde handsome drummer who was already checking you out, focusing especially on your face.

"What do you suggest?" He asked with his eyes being totally flirty.

"Ah, darling, just give us the bottle. Roger is kind of undecided when it comes to drinks." Freddie felt the weird vibe growing between Roger and you. John and Brian giggled, looking whether at Roger or you.

"Eh, our waiter will do it for you. Just sit at your table and he'll take care of you." You kindly warned and he laughed.

"Oh, alright then love. We'll wait for our bottle." He laughed and left with his bandmates, leaving Roger and you alone.

"So? What do you suggest?" Roger turned his gaze back at your eyes.

"What do you feel like drinking? Something sweet, strong, alcohol-free?" You asked trying to help him but he was certainly not trying to find what to drink. He was clearly trying to flirt with you.

"Something to keep me up all night, I guess. But don't make me feel dizzy." He put on a crooked smile and hell, he was attractive as fuck. He knew how to play.

"Right, how does a mojito sound?" You recommended.

"Sounds nice and local." He smiled and you turned around to grab the ingredients. "Are you local? 'Cause your accent doesn't sound British to me." He asked, trying to start a conversation.

"Eh no, I am from the Mediterranean area though." You laughed after turning again to him.

"Italian?" He guessed.

"Greek." You answered.

"Oh, I've been to Greece twice." He started.

"Really? When?" You turned your gaze surprised. You had no idea he has come to Greece for holidays.

"Two years ago I was with my ex-girlfriend, in Santorini. The sunset there is amazing. And the next year I went with John and Brian to Crete. We needed a dose of some Mycenaean civilisation. Thankfully we weren't noticed by fans or anyone else. We were clearly there for tourism." He explained. You were impressed he's seen your country, visited two of the many islands your country has.

"Well, we had some political issues when you guys came to Greece. We were recovering from the junta and had some important historical issues by the end of 1974 so I doubt they'd run behind you, no offence." You laughed while fixing his drink.

"Oh, that's bad. But I understand. How come you're here in Mallorca being a bartender?" He asked and leaned closer to you. There was a nice conversation going on.

"Before junta ruled my country, I was sent to England to study because my parents thought I would be privileged. Now you see me in Mallorca because I work here and besides, I wanted to live somewhere that reminds me of Greece. Studying abroad has the privilege of learning a new culture, a new way of life and so on. Which is so wrong for the locals back home." You explained and cut a slice of lemon before having it ready for him.

"Wait, by saying it's wrong, you mean that..." his brain stopped working for a second trying to understand what you meant.

"Patriarchy is the keyword. They want women to get married at 18 and start a family. But obviously, women have to stay home." You were triggered at your words and internally thanked your parents for giving you the chance to go abroad.

"Cheers to your parents then. I wouldn't get the chance to meet you tonight." He was impressed by your short storytime. "How do I say bottoms up in Greek?" He laughed after you placed him his drink.

"It's pronounced áspro páto." You smiled after saying a Greek word. It must have been a year since you last spoke Greek. You haven't visited Greece for a long time. You found yourself in Mallorca. It's spiritually free and not restricting.

"So, I haven't asked you yet. What's your name?" Roger asked after drinking. He made an oddly satisfying grimace which meant he liked your drink.

"Oh, it's Ellen." You answered. His gaze was literally focused on you the entire time. He wouldn't give up this easy.

"So Ellen, make yourself a drink. It's a treat for you." He offered and you kindly accepted. It's not bad, you've been offered many times. Besides, you needed a drink to stay energised.

"Thank you, Mr Taylor." You thanked him and then his smile vanished.

"If you want us to be in good terms, it's gonna be Roger." His hand was warning you.

"Thank you, Roger." You slightly smiled. "It's just that..." you stopped and checked around if your boss is nearby. "We are obliged to speak to our guests in plural." You whispered and he nodded. Possibly understood the situation.

"So what are you doing later?" He asked after swallowing a sip of his mojito.

"We're cleaning the mess and we're heading homes." You said after drinking a shot. A treated drink.

"I'm not talking about your colleagues. I'm talking about you." He was straightforward. He was so into you, it was obvious.

"Oh well, I'll clean up the mess and I'm heading home." You changed the point of view trying to cut off his flirty attitude.

"When's that time? Dawn?" He guessed.

"Probably at the morning. It's a Queen party, I doubt people will leave before the sun rises." You rolled your eyes sarcastically.

"So..." he started. "Have you been listening to our music?" He asked.

"Yes, since your first album. It was brilliant for a newly formed band." You said with a huge smile on your face and he appreciated it. He appreciated that you didn't fangirl in front of him, having that humble and uninterested attitude. He liked feeling like a predator trying to catch his bait.

"What's your favourite song of A Day At The Races?" He asked. He likes talking to people about his music.

"Definitely Somebody To Love." You affirmed, feeling passionate about your answer, that it seemed you could relate your existence to this song.

"Oh, it's a band's fave too. Well, you relate to this song, don't you?" He asked and his body was closer to yours. The counter was the only thing beside you.

"I guess I do." You looked down for a moment, thinking of your ex but his hand touched your jaw trying to lift you up. Your eyes were looking into his and this is how you noticed how blue they eventually are. An ocean.

"Is it about a guy? I'm sure he doesn't deserve you." He tried to cheer you up with his soft smile.

"It's not that. It's..." you sighed. "Well, this is getting too personal." You pulled back trying to stop the situation. But he wouldn't abandon his try.

"Do you have any specific lyric of the song you relate the most?" He asked.

"Yes, there is that one: I've spent all my years in believing you but I just can't get no relief, Lord." You kind of explained the situation within a couple of lyrics. "He cheated on me. He had the audacity of saying it to my face and left without looking back or apologising." You nearly tore but tried to keep it for yourself. This is getting too personal and you're opening your heart to a stranger that you feel comfortable with. Maybe because you've been listening to him and his bandmates for years and you've seen him live too.

"You know..." he looked down for a second trying to find the words. "At least he was honest. He could keep you for his entertainment if things didn't work with the girl he possibly slept with." He tried to wake you, but he was right.

"I don't even know how long he was cheating on me. However, I did notice a weird behaviour in the last couple of months we were together." You answered.

"Be happy that you're not with him anymore. He took your love for granted. This is not how it works." He said with his eyes still focused on yours.

"You know, we once saw you live. Last year." You tried to avoid talking about your ex the entire time.

"Oh! That's great! Did I look nice?" He joked and he gained a laugh from you. That made him feel nice.

"Definitely, you always look nice." You took a moment to check him out. And hell, he looks and smells so nice.

"I'm flattered." He smiled and you pulled back again to do your job. You could see your boss staring at you. That wasn't good.

"You better get going, my boss is supervising us." You said and he got the hint. You were as cold as you could be.

"Sure, will I see you later?" He asked and stood up from his chair, ready to leave.

"No. I'll be too tired by then." You answered and he was saddened by your reply. He thought he had you. His flirting wasn't sufficient. Which means he had to try again.

He left and walked to his bandmates, they were there talking about their success until Roger joined their conversation but it changed as soon as he sat on the sofa next to Brian.

"So, how did it go Rog?" Freddie asked and they were all ready to hear.

"She seems so uninterested and hard to get, I have to try again." He took out one of his cigarettes, ready to smoke and think.

"Ah, your type of girls Roger." Brian laughed. "You like feeling a hunter don't you?" He added.

"Of course I do. But she recently broke up and I reckon she's still into him. How do women's brains work anyway?" He asked, frustrated.

"Oh darling, I don't see her as stuck with her ex as you think she is. She's been avoiding your flirting because she works here." Freddie had a point and John nodded.

"Just wait for her shift to end and make a move. She noticed you were flirting with her." John suggested and they all agreed to it.

"It's gonna take hours. She said it's possible for the party to end after dawn. She also has to clean up with her colleagues." Roger explained and turned his gaze back to you. But you were already looking at him and when you noticed, you turned back to your counter.

"Fine, then do it now," Freddie advised and Roger looked at you considered. "Wait where's she going?" Freddie asked after noticing your figure leaving your position.

"James, would you mind taking my place for a moment? I really need to use the bathroom." You called for your colleague who politely came to your counter.

"Sure, go ahead. I'll be here as long as you need." He smiled and you left for the bathroom to take a very needed pee.

"Shall I go after her?" Roger asked.

"Fucking go!" Freddie pushed Roger to run after you no matter how awkward it would be.

You walked in the staff-only bathroom, rushing to the toilet. After drinking a few shots, you needed to pee like a champion. When you pushed the flusher you unlocked your door and the very first thing you saw, was Roger standing at the wall.

"What the hell are you doing here, get out!" You were shocked by his presence and he wouldn't move.

"This is the only chance I have with you right now. Your boss can't see us." He came closer to you.

"No, but he'll get suspicious!" You tried to pull back until you reached the counter. Now you were sandwiched between Roger and the counter. There was no space between you. His face was coming closer to yours.

"I locked the door in any case." His nose tickled yours and his hands placed you on top of the counter, sitting now and having his bulge, against your area. That feeling is the shit.

"I work here, I can't..." you tried to refuse but the feeling of getting fucked couldn't stop you.

"I can't be in this toilet too, but here I am." His lips touched yours with passion and lust. His arms wrapped your waist and lowered down to your arse, squeezing it gently and your hands moved to his neck and his cheeks, trying to hug most of it. You haven't gotten kissed nor fucked for a long time.

Living on the west side of Europe had given you many opportunities. The situation you're currently now couldn't even be referred to Greek religious people as a joke. They'd freak out and tell you crap like you ashamed your honour, your family and your future husband. Your parents were too open-minded to let you live in West Europe and live your life as you wanted to. You had sex with your boyfriend at nineteen, with no need to be your first wedding night, you wear shorts on summers because you feel like it and now you're having a one night stand with a rockstar of a band you like and it's never gonna be the same anymore. You played it hard-to-get because you felt it was wrong. But it wasn't. It's just one more experience to add to your diary.

"Are you sure you want to do this, here?" He stopped the kiss for a second, to ask for your approval.

"Yes, but let it be fast, or I'll be in trouble." You checked at the door. "Are you certain the door's locked?" You asked.

"Yes, I am. It's just that..." he stopped.

"What?" You were scared he regretted it and he'd leave you like the mess you already are.

"I want to get more of you, but in this counter, I don't have the chance. I'll cope with it." He unbuttoned your suit while your hands tried to unzip his jeans.

"If you stay a little longer in Mallorca, you can get more of me." You winked and he smiled, thinking he has more chances with you.

"Works for me." He whispered and turned to your lips again for a passionate kiss.

He helped you with taking your suit off, now staying on your bra when your hands put his jeans down. "Mind taking your bra off?" He asked while his mouth travelled your neck, giving it soft kisses.

"I'd rather wear it..." you refused taking it off after gaining a lot of insecurities because of your ex-boyfriend. You remember him saying how small your breasts are and with that, no other man can see it. Your A-cups haven't be seen by any other man. Not even by your ex after the second time, you had sex with him.

"As you wish..." he didn't insist and pulled your skirt up, on your waist, with his bulge rubbing against your core and turning you instantly wet. "How long has it been?" He asked after noticing the humidity between your legs with his hand.

"Must be eight months. I'm out of practice." You sighed.

"Don't feel bad about it, I'll do the work. You're already wet for me. I like it." He bit his lower lip and turned to your lips again, for a deep kiss. "God, you are fat-bottomed aren't you?" He smiled between the kiss after squeezing your thighs and your small waist. "I'm starting to have a thing for greek girls." He complimented your body type and that boosted your low confidence level. With a simple move, he placed you against the mirror, taking your thong off your left leg to have clear access inside your wet area. His hand pulled his erected penis out of his black underwear, ready to thrust inside you.

"You better start before I cum untouched." You exhaled and balanced yourself at the counter.

He smirked and trusted inside you, feeling him completely weird inside you, maybe because you haven't had sex for more than half a year. The sensation was amazing and penetration was always the thing that released you from thoughts. His hands squeezed your thighs and each thrust was a try to pull you closer to his pelvis. You couldn't stop breathing heavily. You had to be quiet and so did he. It was a staff-only bathroom and the key was turned horizontally so no-one could break in with a spare key.

"Oh god, this is amazing..." you moaned at every pleasuring wave while your hands played with his blonde hair.

"Fuck, yes, you're so tight and wet for me." He tightened his teeth as he exhaled into your ear.

His thrusts were giving you the orgasm you haven't had for a long time. It was the tension between you, that made it more passionate but fast enough to make you come earlier than you thought. Soft whimperings coming from your mouth sent him the message that you were close enough and so was he. You could tell by his sharp thrusts, getting smoother and sudden. His gaze was focused on your eyes. Your sight was getting blurry and your legs began to shake; it happens when you reach your orgasm and it feels terrific.

"Ah, God..." you moaned and tilted your head behind, where the mirror is. "That was so refreshing." You gasped after wearing your thong again.

"Ain't gonna lie, but this WC shag was the best I had." He laughed and wore his underwear and jeans again.

"I can't make comparisons to it, I've only had two boyfriends in my life and this is my first time fucking a stranger at my workplace's restroom." You buttoned your suit and stood up from the counter to fix yourself.

"Stranger?" He asked confused.

"Stranger, Roger. I mean, I do know you're a rockstar, a member of my favourite band and I've seen you live once but it won't change the fact you're a stranger. I know you as a persona, not as a person. You get it?" You tried to explain how it feels.

"Oh, I see." He nodded. "Will I see you again? I want to know you as a person if you want that too." He suggested.

"Sure." You kissed his cheek gently, letting him take the lead. You wanted him to make the move. "I'll just walk out from the WC first and make sure no one sees you when you get out." You said and walked through the door until someone tried to get in. A knock on the door was heard.

"Ellen, are you still in there?" It was James.

"Yes, I'm coming." You internally panicked and hinted at Roger to hide in the toilet. "Hey James, is everything alright?" You asked after opening the door.

"Yes, I wanted to check on you. You were absent for a quarter. Are you okay? You look like a mess." James liked you for a long period of time but he wasn't your type. He's way too cute for your standards.

"Yeah, I'm fine... I just felt a little dizzy and wanted to wash my face with cold water. I needed it." You lied after checking your face in the mirror. You were red as a tomato.

"Oh, fine then. You should get back to your post. The boss has been looking for you." He pointed outside and you felt really bad about it. Your boss suspects you since the moment you started chatting with the blonde man hiding in the toilet.

"Alright, I'll be back in a minute." You closed the door to his face and rushed to the toilet where Roger was hiding.

"You're a cute little liar, aren't you?" He teased and gave you a little slap on your butt cheek.

"I won't be anymore if my boss finds out." You rushed, trying to leave the toilet.

"How will I reach you?" He asked trying to learn your phone number.

"Just come at my post and I'll hand you a drink." You declared and left the room, heading fastly at your post. You stared at the Queen members, looking at you all smiles and winks. They probably knew what happened a quarter ago.

You fixed another drink for Roger, trying to look calm and relaxed. But you weren't. You were tense and it could be seen. Two minutes later, Roger came to your counter again with a crooked smile on his face, waiting for the drink. He was looking whether at his bandmates or you. There was absolute silence.

"Here's your drink." You smiled and handed his drink with a small paper around the glass. He carefully grabbed the paper so it couldn't be seen and walked away, heading to the balcony.

He grabbed the paper, unfolded it and there was your phone number and a note in it: "thanks for giving me a good time Rog"

He smirked at your note and placed it in his pocket, anticipating the moment he'd call you.

[gyujeongfmd]

restructuring task 1 / changes *+10 ecp

1. assuming your muse has changed in some way, be it internally or as a result of a change of the external factors around them, how is your muse different? these can be as small as an opinion on a song they hadn’t released previously or as big as a major change in their background. (wc / 297)

if the spectrum lies in minjung not changing at all, and taejin doing a 180. then, gyu’s right in the middle. there are a few changes — one being that now he dances, and he’s no longer a main rapper. but the dancing portion isn’t something he trained on or necessarily has a passion about, but instead something that comes instinctively to him? he’s the opposite of a 몸치 aka he is the opposite of not having any sense of rhythm. that kind of stuff comes natural to him, and even when he was underground inside his hyung’s apartment — his dancing was above average for someone who’s never had a dancing skill. however, that becomes polished once he enters gold star.

another change is that he’s at gold star now — it came about when he tried to audition for show me the money as a young child, but instead got recruited (all thanks to his looks. but turns out he’s more than a pretty face). this meant he trained under gold star and they promised him a bunch of things? he believed it because he was still naive, and under the thought that he’d find some freedom by debuting as an idol (he had no idea what idols did prior to this, or a bad general understanding).

i’d say his general change is his attitude towards his group? knight was more focused on him not liking his group at all, but with platinum he feels in a way sorry though he doesn’t outwardly show it. there’s some sense of brotherly bond but not enough to tether him, but also not far off that it brings him to completely leave. as a result, he’s in limbo about how he is — still grappling with that one day at a time.

2. what does your muse think of their company and their group? (wc / 259)

compared to bc, gyujeong likes gold star. at least, enough that he doesn’t outwardly want to start a smear campaign about bang sunyoung like he did with kim byungchul. that being said, he doesn’t really like the company either — the noonas that recruited him promised everything and for a while, when he was a trainee he did get good treatment compared to the half basements he was living in with his hyungs. however, he debuted and he realized that this was all bullshit — everything they promised was gone and done especially when the songs he releases are complete shit and they rarely let him take a hand on it. (well, that’s because of his punishment).he realizes now that there’s no freedom in debuting, and a bit too late. it’s hardened him to the point where he blames gold star for his big downfall of being this new persona he wasn’t when he was a child.

as for his group? he doesn’t hate his group nor does he love his group either. the music they release, he thinks is corny for the most part — especially the ballady nature. however, he feels somewhat sorry for dragging them down in a way? he feels the shit they get is mainly because of him, and he feels some loyalty to his group especially because they’ve picked up on where he’s fucked up in the past. he’s still not letting them be all blood brothers, hugging and saying ilysm! lylas! but he’s learn to grow with them, and just take it as is.

3. is your muse on their first contract or their second? if they’ve renewed, what were their feelings around that at the time and what were their hopes for their second contract? if they haven’t renewed, what are their current thoughts on the end of their eventual first contract? (wc: 303)

gyujeong renewed his contract with gold star in 2018. honestly, he knows why he did it. but he regrets it to a degree — half of it, i’d like to say is the gold star pressure. they pressured him, basically giving him the lines of ‘what are you gonna do now? you have no career outside of platinum.’ which was true considering he had 0 solo opportunities back then. he was 26 at the time, so he was aged so even if he wanted to make his debut as a rapper, it’d be hard since he was getting so much shit for selling out to be an idol to begin with. plus, public hate surrounding him at that point was a high, and gold star basically made it like they were the only option to save him — his 26 year old ass was scared on the inside, as much as he hates to admit. as a result, he signed on for another year thinking he didn’t want to retire because what skills did he have to offer? he didn’t graduate high school, he didn’t go to college. he makes music, but if gold star decided to black list him then he’d be fucked with a 0 person fan base.

another reason he chose to sign on was because of his group. this is unknown but deep down he felt sorry for the shit he caused within his group — and seeing as how his group all signed on, he felt some sense of responsibility to carry on, especially because they’re a four person team. one person lost is 25%, and that’s a lot when you have more groups in the horizon waiting to take over whatever niche platinum is in. 

so, all in all, he signed on bc he had no choice / kinda felt guilty.

4. what are your muse’s goals and motivations? (wc / 324)

gyujeong doesn’t have many goals at all — at this point, he’s given up having any goals within gold star because he feels he’s been fucked over by them one too many times. he got a solo? which was great, and oddly well received by the public — but he also thinks those were pity listens, and not worth much. doubts it transfers over if he came back (he kinda cares). but realistically, his goals might be to release another album in the future? 

right now, his attention’s on fashion though. he’d like to get more global recognition for his line, far from the asia target market. he’d want to be known with the greats (that’s just wishful thinking lmao). but it’d be nice to house a fashion week set, or go at least. he’d want to carry on his relations with chanel because he truly loves the brand and everything it stands for.

motivations? he has none. he doesn’t know what love is, has basically no friends and a cat. he’s living life day by day and seeing what becomes of it — ideally, what he’d want to really have as a goal is to find happiness. corny, i know. but the happiness he once had as a child (void of any parental figures).

i’d suppose his goal right now is to stop writing music based on what his company wants. they know the tracks he touches usually are generally better received than the public, and because his ‘ban’ aka punishment for getting into scandals is over (ala a solo debut), gold star seems to want to make him use his creativity for platinum’s tracks. however, he doesn’t want to be a pack mule and wants to start creating music for the sake of him — basically, he’s exhausted from his solo debut doesn’t know if he wants to make a comeback at all or wait another ten years or just retire completely.

5. what is one conflict, internal or external, that your muse is currently dealing with, has recently dealt with, or will need to deal with in the future? (wc / 329)

he’s at a low — he has no real friends, minus hidden figures here and there. he has no music left on the table that gold star seems to want (they always tell him last minute and pick the songs he doesn’t want to release). he basically got told off by someone he loved to get over it — he has nothing left. he’s a dramatic little bitch, but what can i do? 

he’s dealing with how to handle these things one by one. 

career wise — he’s doing a lot in fashion? and that becomes a piece of confusion when he neglects music for fashion and gold star wants something released, and they can’t because gyu hasn’t touched logic or ableton in near months prepping for the next line of his work. he does it when inspiration hits and works at his own pace. then again, he can’t? because he has the guilt of having to carry the burdens of his past he doesn’t let show. it’s a recipe for disaster when it all brews internally and he doesn’t let it out and instead runs to different avenues for escape. 

he doesn’t know what he wants. he just wants to live life like kanye, but knows that he can’t because he’s not kanye.

he’s also dealing with the conflict of being pigeon holed into one genre. his earlier works focused more on being true to himself, and his core — into the new world, empty. etc. the more sentimental ballad-esque pop songs were when he was more carefree / optimistic about the world. however now, he’s been more hardened? and the scandals have left him more contained as to what gold star would let him do — aka, keep up the bad boy image the public seems to know him for. as a result, he’s not able to venture out or get back in touch in fear of what others may think / his underground buddies may think

6. if your muse has established career claims, what are their thoughts on their career so far? if they do not, how do they feel about not having individual activities yet? what would they like to do in the future, if anything? if they don’t have ambitions for individual activities, explain why. (wc / 384)

gyu’s established career claims fall under three categories — variety, modeling / fashion, and music. musically is the easiest as he’s released his solo album after ten years, lmao. i like that he hasn’t touched music in ten years just because gold star hasn’t let him release it — they finally let him off the leash after so much despite letting him work behind the scenes. behind the scenes, they let him work on a lot of things. his overall mood / 감성  when it comes to music is just that it’s soft and sensitive — hence why his first piece is into the new world. you’d never expect it to come from someone like him, but it’s really just the soft gentleness that’s part of his core hence why it’s one of the melodies closest to him as an individual. aside from that, he works on a lot of darker equinox tracks because that’s what his vibe is lately, and it’s that house clubby r&b funk that works with him, and gold star likes that enough to keep asking him for it. he’s worked more in-house than out-house, and not really looking to branch out into any territory. he just wants to make music for him : )

modeling / fashion wise — chanel picks him, and he picks chanel. a matchmade in heaven when he sports their bags and their tweed jackets like no other. it’s enough that chanel inspires him to create his own line otakgyu which he’s heavily involved with. that’s his focus for now, creating new pieces to appeal to his own fashion sense. he wants to create more pieces that are “edgier’ but also fall more into the androgyny of fashion. 

lastly, variety. he doesn’t even know how he ended up in this — yet, each time he appears on variety, more fans fall in love. i like to think of it like song mino and how stupid he comes across on variety which basically shatters his stage image of being more ‘hardcore’. aka, the public likes how goofy and silly gyujeong gets (unplanned and completely candid) on variety. it’s why he shows up and why gold star signs him up. gyujeong, on the otherhand, finds it more of a nuisance and an invasion of privacy as that’s one side he’d not want to reveal. 

[aion-rsa]

Bo Burnham: Inside Songs Ranked from Worst to Best

https://ift.tt/2JMbiJl

The musical of the summer was supposed to be a life-affirming celebration of one of New York’s most vibrant neighborhoods, full of color, romance, and big group dance numbers. Instead for many viewers, the musical of the moment was filmed and performed by one man, alone in isolation from the comfort (or discomfort, really) of his own home, with songs centered on techno paranoia, mental health, and the fear of aging. Maybe after a year stuck in their homes, audiences could relate to the existential dread and general anxiety on display in Bo Burnham: Inside more than a conventional movie musical.

Billed as a stand-up special, Burnham’s latest musical comedy endeavor finds the former wunderkind holed up and feeling more uncomfortable than ever. Writing, editing, directing, and performing from a claustrophobic studio, Burnham’s stand-up special skews more toward being a straight-up musical, and not because the special is light on jokes and missing an audience. Rather this has all the hallmarks of a musical narrative and plays closer to experimental cinema than sketch comedy.

Burnham expresses his characters’ inner-thoughts, fears, and desires via song throughout a contained narrative, in this case the narrative being one man trying to occupy himself during a pandemic. It has ballads, charm songs, comedy numbers, “I Am” and “I Want” songs, and a big reprise. By capturing his personal pandemic experience and putting the whole affair to song, Burnham has created one of the most compelling (and catchy!) accounts of life during 2020.

To celebrate the musical that we all needed after a year in our homes, we’ve decided to rank every song from Bo Burnham: Inside. You can stream along via the Inside (The Songs) album on the streaming platform of your choice.

20. I Don’t Wanna Know

Merely an interlude, “I Don’t Wanna Know” doesn’t quite work outside of watching the special itself. However, it is a clever way to address the fact that modern audiences do not have the attention span to sit through a film at home without checking their phone or complaining about a runtime.

19. Bezos II

While certainly meant to poke fun at the real-life Lex Luthor, it’s not that fun to listen to Bezos’ name repeated. Stil, Burnham does elicit a few laughs with his over-the-top mock congratulations. “You did it!”

18. Any Day Now

A Sesame Street-like mantra that plays over the credits, “Any Day Now” suggests this could all end either hopefully soon or on a depressingly vague far-off date that will never come. We’d like to think it’s the former, but it’s safe to assume what Bo thinks.

17. All Time Low

While this number gets docked points for its short runtime, it absolutely packs a punch with its four-line, single verse. After Bo admits that his mental health is rapidly deteriorating, he describes what it’s like to have a panic attack set to a chipper ‘80s dance backbeat. Unfortunately, we don’t get to ride the wave long enough, and judging lyrics, that’s probably a good thing for Bo.

16. Content

This strong opening number musically sets the vibe for Inside, letting us know that we’re in for some synth-heavy throwback beats that would be best listened to underneath a disco ball.  Also incorporating silly backing vocals, a hallmark of many of Inside’s best tracks, Burnham declares he’s back with some sweet, sweet content. “Daddy made you your favorite,” he sings, and he ain’t wrong. 

15. Bezos I

Unlike the reprise in “Bezos II,” “Bezos I” gets by off its increasingly deranged energy, with Burnham roasting fellow tech billionaires and working himself up into a manic frenzy by song’s end. Musically, it sounds like the soundtrack to an intense boss battle on a Sega Genesis game before ending with a sick little synth solo and Burnham hilarious squawking. It’s arguably the only acceptable thing that Bezos has ever been associated with.

14. Unpaid Intern

While “Unpaid Intern” is one of Inside’s shortest tracks, it absolutely makes the most of its time. The jazzy tune scorches the exploitative nature of unpaid internships before Burnham breaks out into a laugh-out-loud worthy scat routine. It unfortunately ends too soon.

13. Shit

Inside’s funkiest jam sounds like Burnham wrote the lyrics for a new Janelle Moane album cut. Bo show’s off his vocal dexterity and plumbs the depths of his depression in a surprisingly danceable fashion. Throwing in a little faux crowd interaction helps bring home the fact that we have all felt like this at one point or another during the pandemic.

12. Sexting

This slow-jam details the complications of sexting, throwing out hilariously too-true punchlines like “the flash makes my dick look frightened.” “Sexting” feels like one of a few songs that could most easily appear on previous Burnham specials. Proving that Inside’s musical textures do not come exclusively from ’80s synth pop, the outro of the song expertly mirrors modern pop trends by throwing in some trap-influenced “yahs” at the end of Bo’s lines.

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11. How the World Works

Influenced by comedian Hans Teeuwen and children’s entertainment in general, “How the World Works” finds Burnham going back to the well by playing the ignorant, smarmy white guy who is oblivious of the real issues plaguing nonwhite Americans. What’s even better though is Socko calling Burnham out on forcing others to educate him for his own self-actualization instead of doing the work on his own for the betterment of others.

Socko pointedly asks “Why do you rich f—— white people insist on seeing every socio-political conflict through the myopic lens of your own self-actualization?” Not to keep things too heavy, the song ends with an absurdist bit where Burnham returns Socko to the nether place that he goes when he’s not attached to Burnham’s hand. Scathing and bizarre, it’s a great piece of social commentary. 

10. FaceTime With My Mom

While most of the music of Inside feels directly transported from the 1980s, “FaceTime With My Mom” seems only inspired by the past decade’s musical trends, updating the sounds in much of the same way that the Weeknd and Dua Lipa have. This is Bo Burnham as a hitmaker, and his attempt is convincing. “FaceTime With My Mom” earns easy laughs by getting to the seemingly specific, yet universal things that all our moms do over video chat. 

9. Goodbye

Every good musical needs a good closing track, and Burnham nails it with “Goodbye,” pulling off a reprise that weaves in many of the special’s signature musical moments and touches on the special’s core themes. A forlorn piano ballad before it soars through Inside’s best motifs, “Goodbye” caps a triumphant musical achievement, coming back to “Look Who’s Inside Again” just to punch you in the gut one last time. 

8. Problematic

Addressing his past work and some aspects that have not aged well, while also skewering celebrity apologies, “Problematic” is self-aware critique by way of an ‘80s workout bop. From the specific Aladdin confession to the overall apology for being “vaguely shitty,” Bo has never made accountability sound so good.

7. That Funny Feeling

This is Bo Burnham’s version of Father John Misty’s “Holy Shit,” a laundry list of all the stupid things that are signaling the fall of culture and civilization as we know it. If Misty hadn’t gotten there first, we may have had this one ranked higher. Still, Burnham manages to come up with a sticky chorus that you’ll be humming the next time something makes you feel like you’re living in the uncanny valley.

6. White Woman’s Instagram

Perhaps the special’s most playful moment, “White Woman’s Instagram” uses the musical cues of an inspiring empowerment anthem to poke fun at the predictably, perfectly curated feed of a “girl boss” Instagram. The song is greatly enhanced by the accompanying visuals, which find Bo recreating the meticulously staged and glamorous portraits that women pass off as their everyday lives.

However, Bo always likes to sneak in some sentimentality, and imagines a genuinely heartfelt post to his white woman character’s deceased mother. Don’t worry, the emotional moment doesn’t overstay its welcome, and we’re soon back to laughing at horribly derivative political street art.

5. All Eyes on Me

The droning synth and pitch-down vocals make “All Eyes On Me” oddly hypnotic and beautiful. The song seems to be addressing Bo’s depression along with his need for validation and attention, a juxtaposition that many performers deal with. It becomes clear that Burnham isn’t addressing an invisible audience, but himself, trying to will himself up and out of his dreary mental state.

4.  Look Who’s Inside Again

A classic “I Am” musical song, “Look Who’s Inside Again” just may be Inside’s most emotionally resonant track that seems to hit closest to who Bo Burnham was and who he is today. This is the song that I will most likely regret the most for ranking so low.

“Well, well, look who’s inside again. Went out to look for a reason to hide again,” perfectly describes the cycle of depression and will, for me, be the special’s most lasting moment. The downbeat ending “come out with your hands up, we’ve got you surrounded” is heartbreaking enough to send a shudder down your spine.

3. Comedy

The special’s real first number is absolutely packed with hooks, from the “Call me and I’ll tell you a joke” bridge to the “Should I be joking at a time like this?” change-up. This is Bo really flexing how far he’s come as a musician, expertly utilizing autotune and a key change (us “stupid motherf***ers” can’t resist them).

“Comedy” also finds Bo comfortably in the lane that we’re most used to seeing him in, playing the egomaniacal white messiah with a wink. “Comedy” is the tone-setter and it’s so good that it lets you know that you’re in good hands for the next hour plus.

2. 30

Either I’m ranking this song too highly due to its personally relatable nature or the fact that I haven’t been able to get “All my stupid friends are having stupid children” out of my head, but I really don’t care. “30” is Inside’s biggest earworm and addresses the existential terror that comes with no longer getting pats on the back for being a young wunderkind.

“30” also examines generational differences, showing how 30 year-old people are more infantile than ever. However, at the end of the day it all comes back to those shimmering keys and that irresistible refrain. Apologies to my friends with children.

1. Welcome to the Internet

No matter how deep and emotionally rich some of Inside’s other tracks may be, “Welcome to the Internet” is the one that will live on the longest. If this were a traditional musical, this would the antagonists’ showstopper; a vaudevillian romp through the alluring chaos that is the internet. Speeding up and slowing down the pace to mirror the manic, addictive nature of surfing the net, Burnham pitches the negative aspects of online culture as they are: a feature, not a bug. Promising “a little bit of everything all of the time,” “Welcome to the Internet” is almost as enticing as the dark tool itself.

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[tillidontneedfantasy]

‘Fine Line’ - Harry Styles REVIEW: Finding His Balance

“When I played it for the label, I told them, ‘This is the first single. It’s two minutes, thirty-five. You’re welcome,’” Harry Styles recalls when discussing “Lights Up” in a track-by-track breakdown of his second solo studio effort, Fine Line, with Rolling Stone writer Rob Sheffield. Thank you, indeed. “Lights Up” was an excellent first single choice for a number of reasons, now all the more clear in the context of the album. Though oddly structured and not particularly radio-friendly, it’s interesting, catchy, short and to the point: as much as you try to hide who you are, once the lights are up, those watching will know, so you might as well shine; but do you know?

Just as importantly, does Harry? Fine Line is a vague exploration of the self, both personally and musically, filled with cryptic platitudes and slick guitar riffs. However, the one aspect of himself Styles seems to be most acquainted with, and thus most comfortable sharing, is the “dark running through” his heart that cannot be extinguished by all the lights; in fact, it is amplified. Perhaps Styles finds it difficult to be honest in his relationships, but Fine Line is sprinkled with dark confessions, most notably in a series in the middle of the album (immediately following “Lights Up”): “I can tell that you are at your best / I’m selfish so I’m hating it” in “Cherry,” a track of spewing bitter jealousy; “There’s no one to blame but the drink and my wandering hands” in “Falling,” a heart-wrenching ballad for the books; “I’m just an arrogant son of a bitch / who can’t admit when he’s sorry,” in the pleasant-sounding yet morose ditty “To Be So Lonely.”

Those confessionals are the strongest demonstrations of Styles’s songwriting potential, and are the meat and bones of Fine Line’s takeaway: losing someone you once loved can cause you to almost lose yourself. Hopefully, you find yourself along the road to healing; but Styles often leaves the listener wondering if he really does know who he is now or not. What we do know is two things: 1) The end of his last relationship caused a lot of pain and introspection and 2) The man likes to have sex. Understandable points. Good equation for a successful album.

BEST TRACK: “Fine Line”

The title track and closer, “Fine Line” immediately invokes emotion as soon as it begins, and it only intensifies throughout its six-minute and eighteen-second duration. As the song moves along, new elements are subtly and meticulously added, layered in with his low and almost careful singing in a way that sounds like nature. Around four minutes in, the song really starts to come alive, the instrumentation building and building towards an outro that reaches a crescendo at Styles’s final “we’ll be alright,” and then perfectly finishes with high-pitch vocal notes that feel like freedom before it drifts out with a few light piano notes. While its message about maintaining balance on the fine line between the extremes of love resonates, the real victory of this song is its ability to move you with just the music. Despite its length, it always feels like it ends too soon.

WEAKEST TRACK: “Golden”

While a pleasant-sounding opener and a good tone-setter for the rest of the record sonically, “Golden” could have been cut in half, with about twenty fewer repetitions of the title, and used as more of brief introduction or interlude instead. In contrast to the closer, “Fine Line,” which is the longest song on the album and includes just as much- if not more- repetitions of its title, it serves a purpose in that song, whereas in “Golden” it feels like filler. This monotonous track is the most prominent example of how often Styles’s lyrics seem to be lacking; he surely has the ability to improve, he just needs to access it.

THE IN-BETWEENS

Luckily for Styles, the production on this album is so outrageously good that it’s enough to keep you interested throughout. “She,” a six-minute psychedelic rock song is an epic trip (I mean, Styles’s guitarist, Mitch Rowland, wrote it on mushrooms, go figure) into a daydream with the perfect woman who doesn’t exist. “Canyon Moon” is a road-trip-ready, light, feel-good song where his musical influences are rather apparent; Styles cites Joni Mitchell and Crosby, Stills, and Nash as his muses, and another idol of his, Steve Nicks, claims it to be her favorite track on the record, a lovely feat. The pre-released singles “Lights Up,” “Watermelon Sugar,” and “Adore You” are sincerely all pop perfection, more mature and refined from his 1D days. The most experimental track, “Treat People With Kindness,” is interesting but falls short for a song that feels like years in the making, considering it has been a phrase Styles and his fans have claimed for the past few years. Although it is clear that Styles’s intention with the song was to spread a positive message which focuses on being kind and not taking life too seriously (though he proclaims that “if our friends all pass away / it’s okay,” and…I don’t know, is it really okay, Harry?!?) it feels like he could have done more with it. One particularly good line is towards the end of the track when he sings, “all we ever want is automatic all the time,” and perhaps he could’ve taken his own advice and given a song with such a grand title a bit more effort.

BEST PROSPECTIVE SINGLE: “Falling”

A close second to “Fine Line,” “Falling” is one of the strongest in Styles’s solo discography and more impressive considering he wrote it in about twenty minutes in a towel. In this beautiful ballad, Styles opens his heart, grabbing the listener’s in the process. “What am I now? / What if I’m someone I don’t want around?” he sings in a panic. This moment of self-reflection after the end of a relationship truly settles in as reality and you can no longer look away from your mistakes is painfully relatable. This track is the most honest of the bunch, and thus feels necessary. With all the previously mentioned pop jams already aptly released as singles, “Falling” feels like the wisest choice going forward to keep the momentum; listeners love a man openly grieving a heartbreak and taking responsibility for his actions (even cheating, I suppose, as is mildly implied in the first verse…I mean, this is your mans? Good thing his regret sounds sincere at least), and the unbelievable tone of his voice when he belts the last word of the bridge, “and I get the feeling that you’ll never need me again” is just the icing on the cake.

                                                                   ***

It is always a difficult task for a former group member to come into their own as a solo artist, and very few have done so with the admiration and reverence that Styles has accrued thus far. With his self-titled debut solo record in 2017, Styles made it clear, as most group-departing members do, that he had a sound different from that of his claim to fame in One Direction. His seriousness as a musician was now established through the positive reception of his debut, and thus his success allowed him to have a little more fun on Fine Line. It also allowed him to get a little more candid and authentic, knowing that the world has accepted him with open arms and has been begging for more. Styles mostly delivers with Fine Line, but in some ways it feels unfinished. The musical production is intriguing and exciting, and by far the best thing about this album, but is still somewhere between a regeneration of classic inspirations and a sound unique to Styles himself; all he needs is a little more time to find his own signature style (no pun intended) rather than just creating a conglomerate of musical elements from his influences and signing his name. But in the meantime, the music still holds up. The real conundrum is the lyrics, which are well and fine, but do not effectively communicate the truth hiding behind the sentiments yet give you just enough to let him get away with it. If he had given us just a bit more, Fine Line could have been a true triumph. However, this is only his second album, and being a confessional songwriting superstar while still preserving your right to privacy is, well, a fine line to walk (I had to, I’m sorry!), but I’m sure he’ll find his balance in no time. Grade: 3.5/5

DISCLAIMER – REVIEWER’S BIAS: I was a very casual One Direction fan during their peak of fame. I think Midnight Memories is a great pop album and I stand by that. I’ve always been more of a Niall girl, but I have never been able to completely resist Harry’s charisma; I’m only human. I listened to his debut album in 2017 maybe twice, three times at most, and just thought it was fine, but not particularly impressive. But since then it’s been impossible to deny his talent and star power. I was very intrigued by “Lights Up,” and with every single release I had found myself enjoying the songs more than I wanted to admit. I think Fine Line is a really great album. Sonically, it is in my exact sweet spot of the kind of music I absolutely love, so I was doomed to like it from the start. What stopped me from giving it a grade of 4 or higher though was that even with multiple listens I struggle to understand what the hell this guy is trying to say in his music. Many times, it takes me reading what die-hard stans say to understand what message he’s trying to send. Unfortunately, that is a failure to me. I know plenty of people love cryptic and ambiguous lyrics or poetry, but as a consumer, I want to be able to understand the story or the message with at least a couple of listens. Of course, lyrics can and should be left up to interpretation, but sometimes I don’t even know what he wants me to interpret! From my perception, this is just a reflection of Harry holding back from truly saying what he wants (with few exceptions, such as “Falling”). I think he is so talented and has so much potential but just needs a little more time unlocking it. I’m excited to see what he does in the future.

[migleefulmoments]

The speculation that the tinhats have been tossing around the last couple of days (Darren ghost-writing music for big pop artists) is exactly how their new “facts” get added to their list. They spend a few days making up some BS and then later they will refer back to it as if it’s a proven fact.

Anonymous said: What is this new nonsense about Darren ghostwriting for Mariah Carey and others? What did I miss? Are they high?

Anonymous said: Oh Abby, when will the lies stop? You're making up bullshit about Darren ghostwriting songs now? Where did this come up from? Must have been from the drinks you and your friend had the other night. A drunken conversation of 'What if's and How about's' that will keep your little coven hanging on to your every word for weeks. You're a liar, Abby. You have mental issues. You need help. At least this is fairly harmless, I mean, you're not saying anything Anti-Mia, but still you're lying. Ugh.

Anonymous said: Did the tinhats seriously imply that maybe Darren wrote Taylor Swift’s “Out of the Woods” song? And then when someone pointed out that Taylor writes her own songs (including that one) they decided that Darren used the phrase “out of the woods” because he relates to that song. Sometimes I think they have reached the pinnacle of insanity and then they make these absurd reaches out of nowhere. They truly do believe that the entire world revolves around Darren.

Anonymous said: "I have always wondered how D got out of his record contract and this just might be an explanation." Ok I can't make sense of what the heck she's even trying to say in the rest of this post but Naya, Kevin and Amber were all dropped by their label (I think it was Columbia) because execs didn't expect their albums to make enough money. I suspect the same happened to Darren. I really doubt that there's anything more to it than that.

1. This IS EXACTLY HOW batshitcrazy cc lies get turned into facts.  Roughedreconteur is nuts- their posts are always insane with tangents that nobody else would ever imagine.  Abby used to disagree with them as they don’t seem to actually like Darren but lately, they are coming in with things that don’t offend her and she plays along, pretending that Rouged’s nutjob ideas are valid- it’s the US media pretending that when Trump makes a statement that is an outright lie it’s ok to repeat it likes it true or makes sense instead of calling him out. This time Abby really got swept up in the idea that Darren said on his Text message that he was almost “out of the woods”. Those of us who live in reality know that “out of the woods” is a commonly used saying that many people use to contact they are almost done with the worst of it- whether that is an illness “Dr, is he out of the woods yet?” or work-related projects like Darren did or just like what Trump thinks is happening now that McConnell already said he was “lock-step with Trump” because he doesn’t understand that he has already been impeached and that won’t go away, ever or literally you are coming home from a hike and you almost “out of the woods"ba-dum-pa. It wasn’t a reference to Taylor Swift’s song.  Taylor does actually write her music, she started out as a writer when she was 15. Ironically, one of the tinhatters mentioned that Darren went to a Taylor Swift concert and her mom hugged him- that may have happened but I know for sure he went to a T.Swift concert and Taylor was walking down the aisle from her outer stage back to mainstage and she saw him and hugged him and I know this becuase I was there. This is the sum total of the evidence they going on to arrive at “Darren wrote ‘Out Of The Woods” and was referencing it.  

2. One only needs to spend 4 min with Wikipedia to realize that Taylor and Jack Antanoff wrote the damn song- not Darren Criss. 

3 Taylor’s Label was Big Machine Record, not Columbia

4. I am also pretty sure that Columbia dropped Darren’s album because they believed it wasn’t commercially viable.  Record labels don’t care if the singers like their albums. Lots of people have had music they didn’t like released anyway.  Record labels are out to make money and they will do whatever they can to recoup expenses they spent on making the album but putting out a nonviable album is even more expensive and sometimes they cut their loses.  Darren certainly didn’t have the power to shelf his own album or to cut some drug deal with the company to ghostwrite to what? Pay them back for the expense or to Ghostwrite until he’s paid off some arbitrary debt? But as you pointed out- the Taylor and Mariah weren’t on Columbia when Darren was (Mariah was at some point) 

5. As for how they got to Mariah Carey- Darren sang Mariah Carey on Lip Sync Battle and “he has no known connection to her” and according to Abby and Rouged, people always sing songs connected to them (I don’t watch it much but I’m pretty sure that isn’t true). It looks to me like Darren was slotted into a show that was clearly just a Mariah tribute. I suspect it had to do with timing and nothing more. Lots of people battle someone they are connected to but that isn’t a requirement. Rouged claimed the star he battled was LA Reid (It was Jermaine Dupri). Jermaine co-wrote and produced many of Mariah's biggest hits although Heartbreaker written by Mariah and Jay-Z and produced by DJ Clue.  Rouged argued that LA Reid is connected to Mariah Carey (he was- he was her label head for many years).  When someone pointed out that it was Jermaine, not LA Reid, Rouged’s excuse was she can’t tell the difference between LA Reid (who is 63 years old), Jermaine Dupri (who is quite short and 47 years old), and P Diddy (who is 50). Dude, those 3 men look nothing alike. 

6. Nobody even mentioned Rouged’s nonsense about how Ryan Murphy wanted to get song rights quickly so he had the cast themselves work their magic to obtain those rights  WTAF? I am quite sure that the process for obtaining rights was something the legal department did and it wasn’t like Ryan called up the singer and asked- it would have been something official done through their representatives.  Clearly, Chris Martin said “no” so we know they had input but it still wasn’t Ryan called Chris and Chris said “no” but later he said “yes” and that was that- no legal papers were signed.

7. Abby claims there us a “Mia figure’ in Royalties, not sure what the hell that means  

8. Abby and Flowers are trying to make Mariah’s butterfly thing and Chris’s Butterfly IGs into something so Abby claimed Chris posted a pic of himself in front of the butterfly mural “before the battle”. Well, yes he did...it’s dated August 2018 which is before Darren’s Jan 24, 2019, Lip Syn Battle...on that, she isn’t wrong LOL.  

This is honestly one of the most harebrained theories I’ve read to date as it relies entirely on multiple things that aren’t even real  

The actual posts under a cut because they are looong 

rougedraconteur asked: Whenever something really strange happens like the “cough hacking “cough” of an ENTIRE site to the point of shutting it down, that has had only minimal action from a questionable enterprise that has failed in most ways and has had at least one party sending desperate signals and the other acting like they had cut them off already, that means something, but probably not exactly what it looks like on its face. I think D’s response, saying HE, not WE, is “almost out of the woods,” is telling.

ajw720 answered: Look at that song again. Look how specific some of it is. Lying on your couch. The feel of your necklace around my neck. You put on the brakes too soon, 20 stitches in a hospital room. All the wolves, the ice and snow of being frozen out, attacked by the enchanted forest itself and caught by vines just when you had almost made it to the ocean. You get there, and find…yourself. Or just someone like you? The mirror image, what that journey made you into, or something else, more real?

So, I think it is possible that “Royalties” may spoof some very famous “songwriters.” That IS the premise, and D has set him and an M type “just ugh” up as a “songwriting team.” One that is, in THAT clip, not so great, and in fact terrible. But, D is in deep with the professional songwriters guild. THAT, is fact. But why, exactly? Is he “ghostwriting” for someone famous for writing ALL their own songs? Mariah just got into their Hall of Fame, gossip is she wrote nothing much, all ghosted.

So, Royalties? Will it make fun of that type power pop star? Will they be credited, or “ghosted” so the star gets all or most of the credit? Mariah is not the only power pop star D has been associated with, in strange but oddly significant ways. It is very telling that most celebs on Lip Sync Battle compete against a former co-star, “significant other,” or old pal. Not D, and that meant something. L.A. Reid has a long connection with Mariah. To the public, D has no connection with either.

So, when you do a Mariah tribute on a show as kitschy popular with superfans of celebs as Lip Synch Battle, you would OF COURSE pick L.A. Reid, who is a power producer of more than a little questionable reputation and no real entertainer on his own, really, but well connected as her long-time producer/rumored former lover/long time cheerleader and friend. And D. Who is WHAT to them both, exactly? That whole thing NEVER made sense, except that D BECAME Mariah, and stole that show. Hmmmm…

Who else does D know that is a huge star that writes their own songs? In fact, is known for that, even critically praised, well above her singing abilities? Tay/lor. He was at one of her concerts, and was greeted in the crowd by her mom. He has been behind her in another venue, they have crossed paths. At this point, she has certainly been managed, or managed herself, much better than Bieber, her male counterpart. IF she has ghostwriters, they would be well-hidden and tightly secured.

**************************************************

Hello @rougedraconteur. Cough, cough, hack indeed.  I will never believe some random person went and deleted posts and blocked people from a band’s SM that most people have never heard of. In my opinion, inside job, meant to send a direct message, which to us is unclear, but the recipient received it, of that i have no question (I have wondered if D has tried to withhold the new EP, nothing else much makes sense especially in light of his brother seemingly struggling to pay the bills).

Really interesting on the song reference in the tweet “once I’m out of the woods”, I have never heard that song, but wow, how close is this to what i perceive as reality? This could BE D and now that i understand the reference, just like i think he wrote the tweets from NYE  when he said “and here we are now, I made it, we made it. I’ve been looking forward to to this for a long time…the Soaring Twenties…seeing clearly in 2020”, I am starting to lean he wrote these tweets that indicated he was “tending to some other obligations” (which include a fake wedding, endless promotion for Swiller, Fashion Shows, Family Honeymoon in the Philippines, TB commercials and other endless adds, and promoting SK). Far too smart for the Jumping Jackass or PBB. And well, in combination, an interesting series of tweets.

For those other who don’t know the song:

Looking at it now It all seems so simple We were lying on your couch I remember You took a Polaroid of us Then discovered (then discovered) The rest of the world was black and white But we were in screaming color And I remember thinking

Are we out of the woods yet? Are we out of the woods yet? Are we out of the woods yet? Are we out of the woods? Are we in the clear yet? Are we in the clear yet? Are we in the clear yet? In the clear yet, good

Are we out of the woods yet? Are we out of the woods yet? Are we out of the woods yet? Are we out of the woods? Are we in the clear yet? Are we in the clear yet? Are we in the clear yet? In the clear yet, good

Are we out of the woods

Looking at it now Last December (last December) We were built to fall apart Then fall back together (back together) Ooh your necklace hanging from my neck The night we couldn’t quite forget When we decided (we decided) to move the furniture so we could dance Baby, like we stood a chance Two paper airplanes flying, flying, flying And I remember thinking

Are we out of the woods yet? Are we out of the woods yet? Are we out of the woods yet? Are we out of the woods? Are we in the clear yet? Are we in the clear yet? Are we in the clear yet? In the clear yet, good

Are we out of the woods yet? Are we out of the woods yet? Are we out of the woods yet? Are we out of the woods? Are we in the clear yet? Are we in the clear yet? Are we in the clear yet? In the clear yet, good

Are we out of the woods?

Remember when you hit the brakes too soon Twenty stitches in a hospital room When you started crying baby, I did too But when the sun came up I was looking at you Remember when we couldn’t take the heat I walked out, I said, I’m setting you free But the monsters turned out to be just trees When the sun came up you were looking at me

You were looking at me

Oh! You were looking at me

Are we out of the woods yet? Are we out of the woods yet? Are we out of the woods yet? Are we out of the woods? (I remember) Are we in the clear yet? Are we in the clear yet? Are we in the clear yet? Are we in the clear yet? (Oh, I remember)Are we out of the woods yet? Are we out of the woods yet? Are we out of the woods yet? Are we out of the woods? Are we in the clear yet? Are we in the clear yet? Are we in the clear yet? In the clear yet, good

Dare I hope that perhaps D is really optimistic about the year ahead?  Because add in the HW stuff (on 2 most anticipated queer shows of 2020 lists, the reference to SB being leaked, what we know about the other characters, what we don’t know about Raymond, and the otherwise silence about the show), things are, shall we say, interesting.

On R/oyalties, a/k/a the show that is used to pay out every user/leach in his life (SK, RR, PBB, Algorithm Winners, etc), my understanding, and it is limited, is that they are in fact writing songs for popular, mainstream artists. Unclear if they are named songwriters or if they will be “ghosting” for people and based on the fact that the first artist is played by CT, I would venture to guess that they talent isn’t that amazing, so yes in many ways, making fun of the talent and pointing out that behind most of these mainstream acts are writers we never know or see.

On D himself ghosting, quite possible right?  It could explain a lot.  Including, if he bought it, being pushed to buy a $3 million home for his beard (which could possible be an agreed upon pay out). I have always wondered how D got out of his record contract and this just might be an explanation. Perhaps he agreed that instead of releasing his own music that was not authentically him, he agreed to write music for other artists that may or may not include the above reference individuals?  No question, his spot on Lip Sync Battle was odd if there is no association to MC and yes, she has a clear and obvious connection to to L.A.  This is no question, something to think about and ponder.  He is an incredibly talented songwriter who, to date, has not released, that we are aware of, a ton of material. It would make sense if he is writing for others and I would guess ghosting would pay well.  You definitely made me think.  

mmack062. 1Just a quick correction, it was Jermaine Dupri (Janet Jackson’s former fiance) not LA Reid on LSB with D.

ajw720 Thanks @mmack0621!

flowersintheattic254 Only 2 things spring to mind here. 1. Was the run of butterfly posts from C prior to and after D’s lipsynch performance so maybe he has ghost written for MK and 2. Once ‘he’s out of the woods’. It may be a reference to a TS song, but considering the location for the sham was in the woods I would like to hope he’s near to escaping and out of the woods soon 😉.

ajw720  @flowersintheattic254 perhaps a double meaning then?

C posted this before the battle.

rougedraconteur. I like this, and I like Tay/lor, although that is a recent development, on my part,  but I think she is coming more into her own with more near total control over HER mammoth “overnight” breakout career than she ever had before. Remind you of somebody? Getting there, anyway. And yeah, some folks have to write under another name, for various reasons.

Butterfly IS a Mari/ah Car/ey Trademark, but it is for Tay, too.  She posted a giant butterfly on a wall in Nashville with her most recent album.  Not saying we are right, in either case or with the connections, but I believe you should look at everything and how it might connect, as a possible piece of this puzzle.  Mar/iah was recently inducted into Songwriters Hall of Fame, as a recent piece of gossip I saw stated, though she was unqualified for it.  Ghostwriters who CAN’T be revealed because the celeb and management won’t allow it, as detremental to the Big Star who is a MoneyMaker.

Can anyone verify that D’s old roomie Je/ff Jerni/gan, who went with D to Ka/tyPer/ry’s western bday party, around 2012 or 2013 maybe, during THOSE years, was with ASCAP in some “official” capacity, and that his sister worked in a big-sounding job with F/ox At that time? Connections.  I know JJ has moved on now, but D has always been involved with ASCAP and recognized as a SONGWRITER, even by Gl/ee and RIB, and hung around with other songwriters and big pop stars kind of above his pay grade at the time, if you get my drift.

Think of the swiftie songs both D AND C have sung or lipsynced to in their online posts.  They connect to at least some of her stuff in SOME way.  And that’s a fact.

ajw720 Just adding a few significant facts.  The Human EP was released on my birthday in 2010 (July 20) a few months prior to rocketing to stardom, seemingly giving him an even bigger platform to have his music heard.  Since that time, D has released very few original songs (almost 10 years) even though we know he was signed to a record deal with Columbia for several years and he has told us that he wrote and recorded many songs for an eventual album that was never released.  He even spent an entire summer in the UK writing songs  with people like B/runo M/ars.  And Columbia funded a summer tour to test his songs and popularity. A tour that sold out. So what has D released?

1 Solo EP with 4 original songs, one of which he claimed was written many years ago when he 1st performed it (untrue written during LU) and 1 of which he has given his brother credit for writing the chorus.

1 EP with his brother with 4 original songs, which he claims were mainly written by his brother

1 SK show back in 2011

2 original songs performed on G/lee

And 4 or 5 songs for the LU tour, none of which were released (I don’t count IDM as that wasn’t specifically written for the tour and only performed once).  And ONE of those songs was “ghostwritten” by wa/tsky (either Pheromones or PPG)

The songs he wrote for R/oyalties yet to be released

In 10 years, he has released FOUR solo tunes, FOUR, despite being signed to a huge contract. FOUR, on an indy label.  And I believe he only released them because he was forced by contract as he owed it to the Jumping Jackass (hence the name H/omework, a chore that has to be done).  And a total of, not including R/oyalties, maybe 30 including a musical for his theater group that was performed 9 years ago.  Where has all his music gone?  Now, I am certain he is holding back on solo tunes because he does not want them associated with PBB.  But still, it is a least worth questioning.

[fyeah-redvelvet]

[TRANS] Allure July Issue - Yeri

What do you think about most these days? I’ve become interested in film cameras so I’ve started looking up photo-related things and buying cameras. I think about how to take a good picture as well as contributing to music as well. 

You’ve released a self-composed song before. Did you participate in the latest album as well? Unfortunately, I didn’t get to participate in this one, but I hope to do so in the future. I think to myself that the chance will come. 

In your song ‘To Twenty’ there’s a memorable verse that says “A comfortable night filled with my thoughts”. What do you find important when you write lyrics? Lyrics are words I say, and words that I write. Despite it not always being 100% from my personal experience, they’re still words I wrote with my own hands, and I find that to be exciting. I get this question a lot, but my inspirations come from various places. I like to read books as well as watching movies and dramas so sometimes they come from there. I also think you can write lyrics just by staring at this ice cup in front of me. Being able to form a story from these individual things is fun. I’m curious as to what stories will come out as well as what stories I will continue to make in the future. If you’re asking for what I find most important, it’s probably ‘how sincere is this story?’. I always ask myself this. 

How do you feel when you hear ‘summer is Red Velvet’?  I think a lot of people say that because ‘Red Flavor’ and ‘Power Up’ did pretty well. I’m thankful and want to continue holding onto this title. However, even without the title, I think we’re just kids who want to come out in the summer and have fun. We’re just enjoying summer, so we’re thankful that people think like this. I want to try for other seasons as well (laughs). 

What is summer to you? Lots of good things happen in the summer. I have a lot of good memories which results in me writing a lot of lyrics during the summer. So to me, summer is a dream-like season. It’s my favorite season. 

What’s your favorite summer fruit? Peaches! I like soft, water peaches!

We borrowed a house for the shoot today. Did you have dreams about such houses? As soon as I arrived here, I was reminded of a movie with a similar house. It’s called ‘Charlotte’s Web’. I used to wish of living in a house with an attic. When I was younger, I would have dreams of it as well. 

You’re probably spent as much time with your members as with your family. When do you feel that you’re all family? Almost all the time. When it’s natural that we spend time alone as well as together. That’s when I feel that we’re family. 

Can you talk about your new album that will be coming out around the time of this Allure issue? I felt that it was new. Before I received the song and concept, I imagined something similar to our past images and moods, but it was the exact opposite; a fresh feeling. I hope people find it fun. It’s addicting, and moreover it fits the summer!

What makes your heart flutter the most about this upcoming album release? When it becomes summer, I look forward to the bright energy I’ll be receiving from people. Summer was always hectic and busy, but looking back at it, those summer days were lots of fun. So I want to spend this promotion period and this summer in a good manner as well. 

Do you have a b-side track you like? We have a song called ‘Sunny Side-Up’, and the lyrics have duplicity which makes it fun. I think a lot of people will find it interesting if they look at the lyrics while listening to the song. 

Is there a ‘spoiler fairy’ in Red Velvet as well? Wendy unnie likes to spoil. Recently, we were on Dream Concert’s red carpet, and she talked about wanting to sing the chorus of our new song. Eventually she did sing a bit of it, and it ended up being a spoiler. I don’t think anybody caught on though (laughs). Spoilers are fun though so I think everybody enjoys them. 

Is there a ‘keyword’ you try not to forget? It’s always the same. “That could happen”. It’s my life motto as well, but every time I repeat this to myself, my heart finds ease. Nevertheless what situation I’m in, when I say this, it really feels like it could just happen, and I can get over it easily. 

If you’re labeled as the youngest once, do you end up acting like one even when time passes? I don’t pay too much attention to it. I think ‘that could happen’. I’m thankful for those who view me as the youngest and those who view me as something different. 

If you have one summer day of freedom, and you could do anything you wanted, what would you do? I want to go to Jeju Island. The weather is so nice these days, so spending even a day there would be nice. It’s fine whether I’m alone or with other people, so just one day at Jeju Island!

You like to read, right? Is there a book you read recently? Or maybe one you want to read? There’s so many books I want to read so this is hard. The one that comes to mind right now is Natsume Soseki’s ‘Kokoro’. Depending on the book, there’s ones that I can fly through and ones that oddly take a long time. ‘Kokoro’ falls on the latter, so I want to try reading it thoroughly. 

Do you have a habit when you read? I like reading one book slowly, but if it gets hard to read in the middle, I just stop reading. Then when I want to read it again, I resume. 

How do you remember verses you like? Fold [the page], take a picture of it, underline it, etc.  I use my cellphone’s memo app a lot. I write my lyrics there as well. If I find a verse that I like while I’m reading, I’ll write it on my memo app which helps me when I come back to it while writing lyrics. 

Is the stage now as comfortable as your house? Or do you still get nervous before standing on stage? I was the type not to get nervous before on stage, but now I get the good kind of nerves. I have times when my heart feels electrified and pumped. I’m not sure if you can call it nerves, but whenever I feel that, I can feel once more that I find standing on stage fun. 

Can you see the fans well when you’re on stage? I can see them really well! In the past, I would be curious about the same thing during concerts, so I remember asking SHINee’s Minho oppa (laughs). Back when we were hosting Music Core together, I suddenly became curious. I asked him if he could see the crowd when standing on stage, and he answered that he can see them so clearly. When I got on stage myself, I realized I could see each and every single expression so clearly. I could even feel their emotions so it felt like we were bonding. 

What is dancing and singing to Yeri? In one word: energy.

trans credit: jinhee @ fyeah-redvelvet! original source: SCAN by SGSGOM @ TWITTER please take out with credits!

[maxmakkaroni-blog]

Me and fandom

In almost all of my 23 years, I can’t remember not being a fan of something. As the youngest one in my family I grew up with 2 cousins and my sister, all at least 4 years older than me. Growing up in rural Bavaria, my cousins introduced me to fandom before I could even talk properly, as they plastered everything in their rooms and themselves with merchandise of soccer clubs they loved. So, it is funny enough that I never even started to care about a single soccer club, other than my 5-year-old me assuring them that I was in love with Bavaria Munich in order not to get a wedgie. However, when I was old enough, I was allowed to tend for their neglected video game consoles for a limited time whenever I was over, which is the first time I really understood what fandom actually meant. Both cousins had games for the Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater franchise, games that focus on displaying semi-realistic skateboarding action with real-life brands, skaters and locations. The first time I was exposed to this type of media I became obsessed with it. I would call my mother over to read me the names of the skaters and levels, I started to recognize the brands in the game in real life, I wanted my cousins to tell me about this Tony Hawk guy. I even wished for an actual skateboard, a hobby that I still casually but passionately perform to this day even going to contests to see some of my heroes of the sport. This must have been in late 2000 however, so researching on the internet was not a real possibility, plus I was barely literate enough to write my own name. Luckily enough, some of my friends also started to get into video games via their older brothers etc., so there soon was a small community around video games, small in every sense of the word. It was mostly me and my friend Peter, who came from an even lower income family than myself and unlike me he was allowed to basically play video games all day, every day, so we used to sit in front of a television for hours, playing all sorts of video games and eating chunk food. For a long while skateboarding and video games of all sorts were my obsession. Franchises like the Tony Hawk’s games, Metal Gear Solid, Fallout, Need for Speed and many more were part of my daily life. As soon as the internet became more accessible and I was smart enough to wrap my head around it, I would watch videos about these games via pages like YouTube and spend a lot of time finding out more about my favorite skateboarders. While watching a compilation of the video game Skate 2, I found my new obsession, which was going to be music.

Though at this point the band that was playing in the video is merely a nostalgic guilty pleasure, Korn turned me into a full-blown music fan. No one in my family was ever even interested in music despite liking something that may have been on the radio, but this band had really touched me in a completely new way. I would get every album, watch every interview, learn about their instruments, analyze all their lyrics, buy their merch with my pocket money and generally annoy everyone out of their mind with this band. Oddly enough no one around me seemed to like the band all that much, but a lot of the community that came with it for me was on the internet anyway. As much as I don’t care for the band now, I’m still more than grateful to this band as they were the reason why I picked up the bass guitar and started making music, which is to this day still the biggest joy in my life. The pattern of passionately plunging into fan communities also established here. Even today, whenever I find bands, fictional universes, authors or anything else that tickles me in a certain way, I tend to immerse myself completely. For fictional universes I usually lose myself in endless reads on wiki pages about the happenings and characters of whatever I am into, trying to know absolutely everything about this universe, whether it is Harry Potter, Fallout or Elite. Being part of the fan communities is also a big part of enjoying the experience. For me, Reddit and YouTube are the places where I have the most interaction with other community members. Whether it is a discussion over lore on r/falloutlore or comments on a video about the latest patch of Elite Dangerous, I always seem to find time to stay in contact with people I will probably never meet, but have the same passion about fiction that I have. As far as fan fiction goes, by far the most contact I had, is with a more unusual approach to fan fiction, which is modding. Modding means modifying existing video games and adding new user generated content for others to enjoy. This can mean everything from improving graphics and mechanics of games, to using the game engine as a foundation for expanding the story, which is what I was always interested in. I consider this fan fiction in video games. Fans of a franchise take the existing narrative and either fill the holes or add more to it, all the while creating their own virtual places with new characters to interact with. For me, the games that I adored the most for this were the Fallout games, as they actively encouraged modding with every part of it. They are open world role playing games in a futuristic post-apocalyptic setting that still has a foot in 1950s America, that allow the players to go about the story at their own pace, making it easy for modders to easily add more and more without interrupting the pacing of the story. The mod community of these games are still as active as when they were brand new.

As far as my fandom in music is concerned, everything is a lot more personal and therefore much harder to describe. For me, the music that I listen to and the musicians I obsess over seem to always seems to reflect where I am in life. Not to say that I inevitably tend to lose interest in all the music I listen to at some point, there are certainly constants. Artists and bands like Mark Kozelek, Neil Young, Sufjan Stevens, Mr. Bungle and many more are always in my rotation of music that I love. Listening to music is also not the only way I enjoy it. Like already mentioned, I like to get to know the people behind the music, analyze the lyrics, learn the songs on my instruments, find out more about their gear, their creative process and pretty much everything around the music itself. Though it may not seem like it, I am a very different fan of music than I am a fan of all kinds of fiction. For one, the community aspect is way less pronounced, as music is a way more personal hobby unless it comes to my own music. Most of my friends don’t share my musical taste and it has pretty much always been like that, so I like to think of my music fandom as something that only exists between me and the music that I can relate too, which is more than fine by me.

It is safe to say that fandom is an enormous part of my life and I don’t think this will change much. Being a fan of something does not only mean enjoying something to a great extent, it also means being part of a community that shares your interests. Fan interaction takes mere entertainment and turns it into something far more personal, yet communal.  All the things I have been a fan of  left a major impression on me as a person, whether it is a video game series, a band or some fictional universe, and I certainly look forward to getting into new and interesting fandoms that further accompany me through my everyday life.

[uwu-boll]

An Open Letter to the Girl I Used to Love

Hey

I think the hardest part about doing anything in life is starting. Getting started, whether it was gathering the courage to tell you I wanted to kiss you all those years ago, or starting myself on the road to being single again, is always extremely difficult to me. Some see it as laziness - and to be frank, I am sure they’re partly right - but I see it as just being afraid to fail. Maybe that’s just a justification for a shitty thing that I do, but I guess that’s besides the point. 

We aren’t talking right now. I guess that’s both of our faults, but at the same time, it’s mostly mine. You reached out to me, and I didn’t really want to respond. I still don’t. I don’t think I ever will. I don’t know what could be gained from us being friends. You were right. As long as you’re there, and I am here, there is no way this - in any way - can work. Besides, I’m sure your new boyfriend probably doesn’t want you talking to your ex of nearly 5 years (you have SUCH a type, by the way.) I am not typing this out with the intention of you seeing it, ever. I am, however, typing this out so that way I can put to words how I am feeling now that I am 9 months post-breakup with the girl I thought I was going to marry ever since I was in high school.

If somebody ever told me right after we broke up that 9 months afterwards I’d have a semblance of direction in my life with actual motivation to change myself and be a better person, I would have laughed you out of the room. I was a fucking wreck. I’m sure you were, too; I saw the signs: the changing my name on our once joint-owned Hulu account to something along the lines of “WHY WHY WHY” to the strategic blocking and unblocking me on Facebook. It was clear you were in distress, and were crying out for help. I probably should’ve reached out, if I am being fair, but I didn’t, under the guise of grief over the death of the relationship I poured my everything into. I didn’t cry, but instead I sat down and I did what I always do during times of emotional distress: I sat there and I buried myself in my thoughts, and when those thoughts were too depressing, I distracted myself with my friends and work, (the very same friends and work who you were fighting with for my attention.) and when that wasn’t enough to content me, I turned to drinking. A lot. Before we broke up, I drank pretty often, because I could and it was fun. But after, I drank to excess. I was drunk most of the time. It wasn’t a healthy state of mind, but I don’t think I was in any point endangering myself. I was aware of what I was doing to myself but I had no motivation to stop it. I wasn’t wallowing in my self pity, mind you, nor was I trying to throw a pity-party. I needed to be distracted, and I needed to forget how I felt about you.

And so I did.

I boxed away all of your things. The whole cork-board that cataloged everything that we did over the course of 5 years was fit into a box and tossed in the garage. Everything on the shelf above my desk no longer explicitly relates to you. At first, it was jarring; my room was naked, and was missing a defining feature. Now, it feels more like it’s mine. I then proceeded to do everything in my power to not think of you. I buried myself in work and video games. I drank - as stated before - to excess, sometimes. I spent a lot of time with friends. I began smoking weed and began a curiosity-fueled adventure into psychedelics. Now I don’t drink (much) anymore and I have a new understanding on what it is I want out of life.

Now I don’t remember how I felt about you. Some bastardization of love, I think. It was distorted long ago. It wasn’t the fights that ruined us. It wasn’t the bickering or the condescension or the anger issues or the jealousy or the depression. It was how we loved each other. We stopped loving each other the way we did when we were kids, and by the time you left, we stopped loving each other at all. The only time we were happy was when we were together. But I don’t need to tell you that. You already knew this.  I’ve found myself reminiscing a lot, lately. You were - and in some senses, still are - the most important thing in the world to me; I spent every day of 2 years with a person that meant the world to me, I am bound to make at least a handful of memories. So, I did. As you know, I am very sentimental - you exploited this sentimentality of mine when it comes to gifts and I LOVED it - and it is in this recollection of our memories together that I’ve come to realize that, despite everything, you were ultimately a very positive experience in my life. Despite the indescribable pain we went through, and the trials and tribulations we had to endure just to end up here, I think we have ultimately ended up in a situation in which we were better off than before. We have too many memories together, but one in particular stands out, and I think you know what it is. 

The park in front of my high school at nearly 10 pm on a school night, in my car, listening to American Football and eating pizza. Hell, I can even add the church parking lot right before Becky’s house, where we would stop for an extra 45 minutes or so because we didn’t want to leave each other alone. I always find myself re-accounting the countless nights we did that. I can’t drive by that park or eat Little Caesars without thinking of those nights. 

And also, with American Football, I remember thinking it was odd that an album about high schooler’s failed love affair would be the anthem of the relationship between two kids, fresh out of high school. How oddly prophetic Never Meant ended up being. I suppose it’s oddly appropriate, but what a coincidence that the album that defined our relationship quite literally laid out the road-map for our demise. 

You’ve told me many times that you won’t want to listen to certain songs or bands again because you’d associate them with me. I hope that’s not the case for you, because I’ve been more or less able to enjoy music without resentment in my heart but rather with appreciation. 

Music was the centerpiece to our relationship. It’s how we met, it’s how we bonded, and it’s how we grew. Every musical experience we shared I recall being a significant bonding experience. Please don’t let how the relationship ended tarnish the memories connected to our favorite songs.

Ultimately, I hope you’re happy. It feels narcissistic to say I broke up with you with the intention of us coming out of it positively, but I more or less did. I had every intention of spending the rest of my life with you - I proposed for a reason - but in the end, it all came down to whether or not we would end up together, and there was no way we could develop with each of us tying the other down. 

Best Regards, and I hope I’ll see you at some point again. 

Me.

[ladyvialana]

Fic: Friday Night Revelations - Ch. 6

Final Fantasy XV fic. band!AU, pre-relationship Prompto/Noctis

Chapter Summary: Noctis and Regis always try to make time for each other.

Chapter Notes: Noctis POV, Noctis & Regis father-son bonding

Also on Ao3

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

The only reason Noctis was up before 10am on a Sunday and dressed in the sort of semi-casual clothes that wouldn't get him kicked out of a fashionable water-side restaurant was because of his father. Who was late. And leaving Noctis to the mercy of the small swarm of paparazzi that had got wind of their brunch date.

Good thing Noctis had something clean to wear and actually got up in time to do his hair.

Noctis kept his sunglasses perched on his nose and did his best to ignore the occasional snap as he lingered nonchalantly by the doorway to the old-fashioned building. The photographers were trapped by privacy and trespassing laws on the other side of the filigree iron wrought fence lining the entrance to the restaurant. A poised employee stood nearby behind a podium, waiting to escort Noctis and his delayed dining partner to their table.

The sudden increase of noise from the crowd on the street informed Noctis that his father had finally arrived.

A sleek black town car pulled over right in front of the entrance, where the photographers gathered. Regis opened the door and stepped out with a charming smile. He was dressed in one of his many suits—grey this time, with pinstripes, and a dark blue tie. He tapped on the top of the car with his ever-present cane and his driver pulled back out onto the road and drove away.

Though he didn't deliberately pose for photographs, he did nod to the small crowd and take his time walking to the gate, answering all questions posed to him with a simple, "I'm just here to meet my son for brunch. Any questions you have regarding my work or the artists I promote can be addressed to my agency."

A few tried to inquire further about the brunch date, asking pointed questions about Regis and Noctis' personal life that Regis ignored entirely.

Noctis tucked his phone away and wandered down towards the gate while this was going on and met his father as he walked in.

Regis' charming smile turned warm and familiar as he looked at his son. "Good morning, Noctis. You look rather nice today."

Noctis ignored the teasing jab he knew was as much for the paparazzi still lingering nearby as it was a comment on the fact that his buttoned-up black shirt was actually ironed for once.

Noctis pushed his sunglasses up onto his styled hair. "Hey dad." He reached out and wrapped his arms around Regis' shoulders, oddly comforted by the fact that his father was still taller than him even with his posture slowly worsening due to his cane and limp.

Regis returned the embrace, pulling Noctis in as close as possible with one hand cradling the back of his head. "Thank you for making time for me."

Noctis pulled back, fighting the smile he wanted to show. "I should be the one to say that."

Regis winced. "It has been a rather busy few months."

"For both of us." Noctis cocked his elbow out and Regis laid his hand on it, tucking his now unused cane under his arm, as they made their way into the restaurant.

"Ah yes, how were your exams?" Regis asked as the server led them inside and through the small restaurant to the tables on the balcony overlooking the water.

Noctis shrugged. "About how I expected." He pulled his father’s seat out as they reached their table then took his own. "I'm topping the composition class."

Regis smiled, delighted. "Noctis, that's wonderful! I'm incredibly proud of you."

Noctis ducked his head at the sight of his father's joy. "It's my favourite class," he said, trying to downplay the achievement.

"I'm not surprised." Regis chuckled. "You've always had a knack for tinkering with songs and playing with structure."

Noctis smiled down at his menu, embarrassed and pleased by the attention. "How's that new singer working out?" he asked, changing the subject.

Regis sighed. "The album is taking a bit longer than we'd hoped," he admitted and started explaining the situation with the young singer and the clash with her assigned producer and manager.

Noctis sat up and listened intently to his father's stories. Regis did the same when he found a way to segue back to Noctis.

They ordered a pot of tea to share and their usual breakfasts—Noctis a pile of bacon and pancakes and Regis a healthy omelette with chilli.

Despite the time spent apart, their conversation didn't feel stilted. Regis gesticulated wildly with his fork whenever he got excited and he chided Noctis for speaking with his mouth full. Noctis laughed easily, his smiles coming more naturally now that he wasn't being observed and whispered about by strangers looking to make money from him. They teased each other about silly familiar things like Noctis' overuse of syrup and the way Regis cut his food into minuscule pieces.

It felt like only days had passed since they last saw each other, not months.

They lingered after finishing their food, conversation still flowing strong, and ordered more drinks. A dark roast this time for Regis and a sweeter cappuccino for Noctis.

"Are you enjoying living with your new roommate?" Regis asked.

Noctis took a sip, considering his answer. He hadn't lived with anyone aside from his father (and mother) before this time with Prompto. Sometimes he had stayed with the Amicitia family when Regis was away with work when he was younger and occasionally Ignis would come over for a night or two, but it had been at least a month now living in a shared space with Prompto.

"Yeah," Noctis said, frowning as he drew out the word. "It's different, but it's good."

"Not at each other’s throats then?" Regis watched his son over the rim of his cup.

Noctis shook his head. "We were both a little worried at first, I think. Moving in with your best friend—it sounds great, right? But what if you start hating each other after like a week. It wasn't like that with us but ..." Noctis trailed off, frowning.

"But?" Regis prompted him.

Noctis shrugged, sliding down in his seat. "It was weird. Prompto was acting so timid. Like he didn't want to take up too much space—which, you know, before he moved in, he left his stuff everywhere. Half of the shirts in my wardrobe were his." Noctis sighed. "He got over it, I guess. I might have kept telling him that it was his house now too, he was allowed to make a mess so long as he helped clean it up. Must have sunk in. He’s still a little quiet sometimes."

"Give it time. It's better that you're both trying to be considerate of the other."

"Yeah, you're right. And maybe it's just because those first few days were spent rearranging everything too. We didn't get much time to just hang out like we normally did or work on any music until like a week later."

Regis hummed excitedly. "Ah, yes. Your musical endeavours. How is that going?" He leaned forward, eyes almost sparkling with eagerness to hear more.

"Actually ..." Noctis looked away from his father and started fidgeting with a stray napkin. "I wanted to ask you a favour." His eyes widened as he realised how that sounded and his head whipped back to his father in panic. "Not like a favour favour. Just like a dad favour."

Regis smiled. "I'm more than happy to help, as your father. Though I hope you know that if you did ever need any professional assistance you could always call me."

"I know, but I like doing things this way." It was genuinely comforting to know his father supported him, but Noctis really wanted to see what he could do on his own. "Besides, I don't think we're at that point yet. I still can't even get up on stage, which is probably more important to work on."

His father, better than anyone, knew how much Noctis hated being the centre of attention.

"You're not entirely wrong I suppose."

"That's kind of what this favour relates to." Noctis reached into his pocket for his phone. " Hammerhead has an open mic night every Monday. Prompto and I are aiming to get up one week soon just to see how we go. We've got a few songs prepared, but I just really wanted an outside opinion on the one I was going to perform by myself."

He flicked through his screen to find his recording app and lined up the song they'd recorded the night before. He slid his phone over the top of the table to his father.

Regis smiled as he picked up the phone and pulled out a set of earbuds from his jacket pocket. "I'm honoured to be the first to hear it."

Noctis looked away again. "It’s not completely finished or polished, but be critical anyway.”

Regis slipped the earbuds in and tapped the play button on the phone.

Noctis couldn't watch his father’s reaction—or, considering that his father was a professional, his non-reaction. He turned away to stare out at the water instead.

Seagulls dove over the sparkling water of Insomnia Bay and white sails dotted the horizon. The sound of the birds calling and gentle waves lapping against the wharf were calming. It was a beautiful cloudless day, if a little chilly. Noctis was glad for his jacket, even if the midday sun was hot on his neck.

Noctis finished his cappuccino as he watched a long yacht glide over the bay to dock nearby.

"Noctis."

Noctis looked over at his father, trying to read his face for anything.

"This is genuinely impressive."

Noctis let out a heavy breath. "Really?"

Regis nodded. "It's a beautiful song and both you and Prompto perform it well." He wasn't smiling, but somehow that made his praise feel all the more genuine. "As you said, it's unfinished. I think you need to work on the bassline and maybe add another instrument. It feels a little lopsided."

"I have a piano score written, but I was having difficulty threading it into the piece without it overshadowing the lyrics."

"Yes, I can see how that might be difficult. But the piano is a good idea to make the song feel more balanced." Regis tapped at the table. "Do you have any plans to involve other people in this?"

Noctis frowned. "Like, a manager?"

"Like more band members."

"I hadn't really thought about it." Noctis looked back out at the water, thinking it through. Part of him hated the idea of involving anyone else (look at what happened with Dino) yet his father always gave him good advice. Plus, he and Prompto couldn't play all the instruments live. "Maybe."

Regis nodded, knowing that was the best he would get from Noctis at this point. "Perhaps that's an idea for another day. For now, I think you should perform this song. It's more than good enough for an open mic night if you’re playing solo with your guitar. And, you might be surprised how helpful performing in front of strangers is for your creative process."

"Yeah, okay." Noctis smiled. "Thanks dad."

Regis reached over to put his hand over Noctis', sitting on the table. "I am so proud of you, Noctis. Your mother would be too."

Noctis smiled at the praise, hoping he could continue to live up to it.

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

[daggerzine]

Celebrity Mix Tape Party featuring Robert Vickers! (compiled by Matthew Kenneth).

Power Pop has always been the genre that might have been king. All the elements present in the commercially successful pop music of the ‘60s through early ‘70’s we heard on the radio can be found in Power Pop and yet the mass music consuming public, in their wisdom,  moved on and songs that would have been radio hits were been relegated to cult favourites in the late ‘70s and early ‘80s. This playlist  takes a look at the genre investigating some of its origins and best proponents while straying into crossover genres like Punk Pop and Indie Pop from the same period. It moves on into more mainstream alternative rock from the later ���80s and into the ‘90s but always with a nod to the roots of pop/rock. All with a bit of an Australian tilt for my benefit I assume.  I know some of these bands very well but one of the delights of these genres is that because of their low profile there’s always a new band to discover and delight.

It gets off the ground with a band from Australia that I was, in an early version, actually a member of, The Riptides. With roots in punk Tomorrow’s Tears is probably their most Power Pop single and it is concentrated burst of energy and melody that never loses its spark. The list then delves into a bit of Garage Rock with the grungy Scientists, also from Australia, and the mighty Fleshtones from New York. The Fleshtones were the first band I ever saw set up with the drummer in front (not that I’ve seen many).

In between some rather more standard New Wave of the time, The Gooch Palms, Translator  and Justin Trouble we find The Shoes, one of the greats of late ‘70s Power Pop. They were kind of band that could have been a success ten years earlier but flew well under the radar in their own time. It should be said though that despite their near perfect albums they did always seem to lack the one song that might have given them a wider audience. The elusive hit single or at least something sounded like one. In an earlier era perhaps they could have covered a great song by a contemporary artist that didn’t have a major label behind them but that wasn’t the fashion at the time; you had to write your own songs even if they weren’t quite good enough. This track, “Too Late” was as close as they got.

Also tossed in here is another Australian band, The Saints. These guys were from my neighborhood and seeing them become internationally recognized inspired me to join a band. They don’t really fit into this playlist exactly but if you have to get them in, this is the song. It was released just after the band split into two factions and I, like a lot of hardcore fans chose guitarist Ed Kuepper’s side. Here you have singer Chris Bailey who kept the name prove he could write a great ‘60s pop song and put it over as well as anyone.

We move on now to some classic British indie rock, The Jasmine Minks and Felt. Felt in particular were superb; intelligent lyrics with interesting Post Punk arrangements. They are one of my favourites of the period. With that we also have from Scotland, The Close Lobsters who were more Indie Pop with Power Pop elements. This is paired some interesting Power Pop from the US, The Paley Brothers, a fascinating duo who were influenced by East Coast Girl Groups, Phi Spector etc. in a way similar to the New York Dolls but with commercially acceptable image and production. Andy Paley ultimately found his greatest success producing  and co-writing (Brian Wilson’s comeback album) .Also the US Secret Service an obscure early band of a Power Pop/Indie legend, Mitch Easter who later played with Chris Stamey (more of him later) in the Sneakers then led the band Let’s Active. Like Andy Paley he too found greater success producing, in his case the early REM albums.

Then we have The Boys who are from the related Punk Pop genre that emerged a little after Power Pop and may be said to have ended up the more commercial genre given the success of bands like Green Day. Generation X were probably the best example but The Boys had a couple of strong singles early on, the 45s of which I remember fondly even if they don’t sound quite as good listening now.

Following up on that is one of the greats of Power Pop, The Records who’s single, “Starry Eyes” is perhaps the greatest example of the genre ever. This isn’t it but still a good song and the light melodic production is still a joy. No discussion of Power Pop is complete with a mention of The Records and it’s a high point of this playlist. Then we have another interloper, Be Bop Deluxe a Prog Rock group from English midlands in the mid ‘70s whose glammy singles toyed with the charts and always threatened to compete with Roxy Music but couldn’t quite rise to the occasion. An underrated band, certainly by me and I think a victim of the rise of Punk in the late ‘70s. Pairing them with Sniff 'n’ The Tears, a slightly later also glammy, progy UK band makes sense. Inferior to Be-Bop Deluxe but more pop and a better commercial fit for the New Wave that was then dominant in independent music at that time.

Now here is a legitimate challenger to “Starry Eyes” as Power Pop’s flag bearer. Bram Tchaikovsky’s bass driven “Girl of My Dreams” is another of those songs that should have been a mammoth hit if all the rules of popular music had remained in place. Bram Tchaikovsky came out of UK Pub Rockers The Motors but with more of a New Wave sound. It’s a juicy slice of classic pop that deserved to be better known.

The Sunnyboys, an Australian Pop Rock band who were another one that always promised more than they delivered in songwriting is next up. A great live band that thrived in the countries’ beer barn live circuit of the time they were never able to come up with the hit that you felt was their destiny the way another ‘60s based pop band, The Smithereens did in the US. A couple of newer Australian indie rock bands who have been said to owe a little to my old band, The Go-Betweens now make an appearance. One of them, RVG provide the thing most lacking in this playlist, a different  voice but also some excellent lyrics making them one of the most interesting new discoveries of this list for me. The other, Rolling Blackout Coastal Fever have already had some deserved success in the US. I don’t hear the GBs connection quite as strong in them but they are a fine rock band with the songwriting skill and musicality required for a long career producing quality albums.

We then have a couple of American artists in the mid-80s when indie was hitting its stride there. The Magnolias were from Minnesota where Twin/Tone Records had just begun to prove America could be about more than the coasts. It showed you didn’t have to leave your hometown to play and record music and the idea spread like wildfire. That helped create the network of venues across the country that made touring America finally possible for mid-sized bands from all over the world in the ‘90s. Chris Stamey, from another hotspot, North Carolina, was a real pioneer of quality songwriting, first with Mitch Easter in the aforementioned Sneakers and then with Peter Holsapple in the dBs. Oddly this track is an early (1978) single by the dBs that’s actually a cover of a Richard Lloyd of Television song that’s awfully close to Power Pop. Showing how little space there was between these genres at that time.

From there we move to the UK for four bands who well represent alternative pop music of the 90s in that country. First we have Primal Scream who used ‘60s pop arrangements to great effect to become perhaps the classic rock band of the era, at least in the UK. Then the hugely successful but short lived Stone Roses from Manchester. They were mostly too dancey for me but this track, “She Bangs the Drum” is one of the best pop singles ever. It proves if you have the melody you can get away with anything.  Also included is House of Love from the excellent Creation label who played intelligent psychedelic guitar rock. And finally we have someone I wasn’t familiar with, The Sun and the Moon who were formed out of a better known Manchester band The Chameleons. Well played and arranged post punk and another good discovery for myself.

We end with the Australian band The Church. They made beautiful albums by taking the melodic pop heard on ‘70s radio and combining it with more thoughtful lyrics creating an indie rock template that remains popular. They are a fitting end to this little journey through time and the musical museum.

https://www.mixcloud.com/matthewkenneth9/robert-vickers-mix-2/?fbclid=IwAR33Vyq9VmSZq6ef5i6l52B6fW1Ej54RsbO6FzOhwIL3zFiTIyYuLmPBwdo

[tokupedia]

The State of Sound 2018

Welcome to a new experimental annual segment I like to call The State of Sound. This is going to be a yearly status update on toku-related tunes that are available legally to the public. 

My hopes are that with enough support by giving yearly updates and filling the music industry’s coffers with cash, Tokusatsu music will be readily and permanently available to all who want it on iTunes, Amazon Music, etc. 

Let’s not waste any time and get started!

SUPER SENTAI:

Has suffered a severe blow. See, Nippon Columbia has removed all of the 35th Anniversary soundtrack volumes from iTunes!  It is annoying how we went from having 35 seasons worth of great theme songs and endings to nothing in just a blink of an eye, I regret not buying the entire set when it was available. Though you still can get a few scant songs on live performance albums from their original artists.

CD Japan or Play Asia is your best bet and struggle, as now you have to get the songs on your cell phone/mp3/computer the hard way by buying expensive CDs and ripping them into a playable format while bypassing region locking. 

Kamen Rider:

Kamen Rider is lurking about a bit if you search hard enough, as its digital music has a bit more to offer. Oddly, the official site for iTunes has more songs in the library than iTunes desktop...and you cannot buy them. Avex held a ban on selling their music online to “combat piracy”, which apparently failed as now they are posting their latest Rider song online. Switch ON!, Surprise Drive, Life is Showtime, Nobody’s Perfect and many more are region locked on iTunes to specific countries. 

The most infuriating one is EXCITE, millions of views on the official Avex Youtube channel and it isn’t available in the US (Though admin Digifiend can get his copy of the TV size version on iTunes as he lives in the UK, so you Britons can jam away!)

But with Be The One getting an official US release, hope springs eternal we will rock out to all our fave Rider jams! Til then, CD Japan and other stores and rip what you like onto your device. Or try Spotify, a few albums there you can listen to.

List of available official tunes:

Kamen Rider X: Set UP! Kamen Rider X is available on various live show albums with Ichirou Mizuki singing it.

Kamen Rider Stronger: Stronger no Uta (live version) by Ichirou Mizuki is on several of his albums on Amazon and iTunes

Kamen Rider ZX: Dragon Road (live version) sung by Akira Kushida!

Black RX: (21st century version) 

Den-O: Climax Jump (on Spotify and iTunes)

Fourze: Fourze Music States (only 3 songs available: Giant Step, ENDLESS PLAY and Saite. The rest are locked.)

Wizard: Music Magic Collection (Only has Missing Peace, Last Engage, Mystic Liquid and Alteration. All other songs are locked)

Gaim: Gaim Music Arms Album (Partially locked)

Drive: Don’t Lose Your Mind EP album

Build: Be The One by Pandora Featuring Beverly

Kamen Rider Girls: Roughly 75-90% of their entire song library

Kamen Rider Generations Final BUILD&EXAID with Legend Rider Original Sound Tracks is on iTunes, so you can get them snappy short orchestral bits that play when your favorite Riders are about to transform!

Kamen Rider Amazons: Armour Zone album (Full Armour Zone theme locked) Available on Amazon (duh!) and iTunes

Samurai Strong Style from Movie War Megamax

GARO

God bless ya Jam Project! This franchise is where digital scarcity is not too much of an issue, though you do have to do some album sifting to find them. There are still a chunk of entries missing such as the iconic SAVIOR IN THE DARK, but its better than nothing!

Garo songs on the Best Collection XII: B.B., Garo is HERE!, My Name is Garo, Guren no Tsuki

Garo song on Area Z album: Yaiba~ The Divine Blade

Zero: Dragon Blood: Dragonflame single album

Garo: Kami no Kiba: Fang of the Apocalypse

Zero Black Blood: S#0 by Dustz (On Spotify, Shazam! and iTunes)

Metal Heroes

High quality versions of the Space Sheriff opening themes are on one album called Kussy Damashii. It gets spotty from there.

Gavan, Sharivan and Shaider, are on the Damashii album.

Tokusou Exceeddraft and Winspector are on ITunes in live and remastered 21st century editions.

Some of the rest are available on the 2001 live performance album, Super Hero Spirits Tour Live.

Tomica Hero

Sadly, no Ryukendo themes or Burning Hero! by Rey.

Rescue Force

STORY and The Life by Camino

Kokoro Hakabu by Triplane

Rescue Fire:

Bakuchin Kanryou! Rescue Fire by Jam Project

Ultraman:

Just one, Ultraman the Rocks on iTunes and Spotify.

Kinda shocked there isn’t more on western e-music services but feel free to reblog if you find any.

Other Toku related music

Cutie Honey Tears EP

Shin Godzilla Soundtrack

Kaiju film soundtracks

Go! Go! Kikaider (Reboot ver.)

Niji wo Matsuhito from the Gatchaman live action movie by Bump of Chicken

So we are in okay shape on the digital front, but there is much improvement that needs to be done. Let’s see what next year brings and keep buying those tracks! 

[ktaebwi]

[TRANS] ‘WINGS’ Concept Book Interview - Rap Monster

© floofyjimin KRN - ENG © ktaebwi

『 Will we settle down here, or will we run more? There’s a visible limit of until where we can run, but settling down is, rather than right or wrong, not cool in my standard. I think it has become my vocation. We need to see until where we can go, we need to pave the way, I told the members I hope they would think about that, and thankfully they all related to me. I don’t know where is the end but we need to finish. 』

I heard the members were confused when hearing the title “Blood, Sweat & Tears” for the first time. “(laughs) After reconsidering for about a day I thought it sounds okay. Suga-hyung opposed it. That hyung opposed it at first. (laughs)”

Where did you feel like it sounds okay? “It’s not a colloquial expression in Korean. We normally say ‘shed blood and sweat’, ‘shed blood and tears’, we don’t use ‘blood, sweat and tears’. It sounds unfamiliar. I like a rapper called Ace Hood and he has an album titled <Blood, Sweat & Tears>. This is a commonly used expression in English and I thought if we take and change this to Korean, we could make it into one of our expressions. Also, I kept thinking about the phrase ‘blood, sweat and tears’ and the words’ feel is kind of uncomfortable. Feels like something is emitted. I thought about it for a day but other people would think it’s either sexy or dirty when hearing the title. It ended up not sounding dirty so that’s a success.”

How did you feel when you first heard the concept of <WINGS> will be based on <Demian>? “I enjoyed reading <Demian> when I was young. I just read without knowing anything. I only thought ‘It’s a cool novel’. (laughs) The only thing I remember was that it was cool and difficult, but I went to read again after knowing the concept of <WINGS> will be <Demian>. Hearing Bang Shihyuk PD-nim talking, I got to understand why <Demian> is a classic coming-of-age novel. The elements in <Demian> suit what we want to do and what was portrayed in the ‘Hwa Yang Yeon Hwa’ series too.”

You even personally recorded the English quotes in <Demian>. “This was Bang Shihyuk PD-nim’s idea. The reason why K-pop, combining various factors, can succeed is because of its organic storyline. BTS’ story is once again completed more strongly with <Demian> in <WINGS>. When people ask ‘Why do you like K-pop that much?’, ‘You should listen to Justin Bieber or One Direction, why do you have to like BTS?’, I think they can answer that it’s because of the storyline and the members’ fiction-like chemistry. Using my voice as another installation will make people immersed more. Besides, we are currently at the stage where we can’t only think of the Korean market anymore.”

How much did you participate in the repackage album <YOU NEVER WALK ALONE>? “I wrote chorus for the first time in the title song ‘Spring Day’. Until now our title songs’ choruses have always been written by professional composers so I didn’t hold much greed, but I happened to write this when I went to Saetgang Park one day. That day the dead leaves oddly caught my eyes. It reminded me of how I used to dry leaves, put in letters and sent. 20, 30 minutes later I came up with a melody starting with ‘dead leaves’. When I first heard the title song, I wished there would be a melody with such kind of feels. I tried combining with what I wrote that time and it sounded good. I have thought that this would definitely be great from the start and after bringing them, they all said it’s good and in the end it was approved without any change. It was an honor for me.”

Do you come to the park often? “I like parks and I also like coming to unfamiliar places. Sometimes I got to Jungnangcheon or Cheongnyangni Station for no reason, or basically anywhere. If I see any place I like on the car, I use the map on my phone and take photos so I can come there next time. I probably have gone to every place that’s worth visiting in Seoul. Now I’m planning to come to every place I haven’t gone to even if it has no special meaning. Like Gongdeok Station. Come and do nothing but just be there, seeing how people live, seeing them walking around. I’m curious how everyone lives in places I don’t know.”

It means indirect experience. “Yes. I tend to come to such places and relieve my stress. I come there and see, doesn’t this world have no connection to me? Everyone is busy with thoughts about work always linger in their heads. When I come to such places, look around and have some time alone to think, something will be resolved. Even if there’s none, it’s emotionally relieving. It’s hypocritical how I get anxious when I have nothing to do, but when I do I want to escape. So I want to keep going outside and blend in the world that has no direct connection to me, even if I have to force myself. No one interferes me there. I don’t have many chances to hang out and talk with my ordinary friends, so coming to those places and listening to people talking sometimes help with my work too.”

What you just said is the story of your solo song “Reflection”. “I wrote it when I went to Ttukseom. That time I had determined to write something and went out. Before I made ‘Reflection’, there was a good song too, but as I listen to it, it was too similar to the vibe of the artist I’m influenced by. I hated that. The company said it’s okay but I have my qualms of conscience. It’s not similar technically but to me it sounds obviously influenced by that person. We got our name on Billboard and other places too now, I hate making songs in that way. Anyway I have to make my solo song so I was going to use one I made before which I planned to put in my mixtape, but I hated that as well. It seemed to bend the album concept. ‘Then let’s just start over’, I thought, but I wasn’t sure what to do after deciding to start over, so I went to Ttukseom.”

What inspiration did you get there? “If you come in the evening, you can see people just sit there. Everyone is gathering but it’s dark so they don’t mind each other. It’s nice. I can take a can of beer and sit together with them and no one will know. It satisfies my twofold desire. I want to be with someone else, but at the same time I want to be alone. I decided to write the song I want to hear there so I recorded the sound of the subway passing by with my phone and put it in the beginning of the song. I originally wanted to title it ‘At Ttukseom’ but Bang Shihyuk PD-nim said it was unacceptable. (laughs) He said there was no way everyone else’s was ‘Lie’, ‘Stigma’ and only mine was ‘At Ttukseom’. People who listen to this song for the first time find it weird how Ttukseom came out of nowhere, but for me, putting it in the song is important. It started there and ended there.”

As BTS grows bigger, it’s slowly becoming more important to balance out with your personal life. “It’s really important. I don’t know if that’s why I go outside more often. If I’m too immersed in BTS only, I feel very empty. I would think ‘Is it real that I’m being loved?’ after I’m done performing or behind the stage. Maybe that’s why the only celebrity friend I meet outside of work is GOT7’s Jackson. Or Mot’s eAeon-hyung and (Kim) Yoonah-noona, I meet them sometimes too. Strangely, I don’t know whether it’s because of my image or it’s because people tend to either like or hate me, I don’t make any new friends in the entertainment world after debut. The ones whom I meet all the time are my high school friends. Meeting them and hearing them talking about enlisting and coming back or finding job make me happy. I often read newspapers and and watch news because, isn’t the world of BTS and our fans very solid? It’s like a way of trying to escape from it sometimes. I plan to adjust the balance of myself as a person and as a professional.”

What about as the leader of the team? “I have two thoughts, of where we should go next and of taking a little step back as a leader. There’s a part that I have to give ambition to the team. We have come this far, it’s time to make a choice. Will we settle down here, or will we run more? There’s a visible limit of until where we can run, but settling down is, rather than right or wrong, not cool in my standard. I think it has become my vocation. We need to see until where we can go, we need to pave the way, I told the members I hope they would think about that, and thankfully they all related to me. I don’t know where is the end but we need to finish.”

If there’s a role exclusively for Rap Monster, what is it? “Leading in official events and giving ambition to the team as I mentioned before, I consider these my roles. Actually, the other guys is better than me as an idol. Everyone has their own role so I think I’m taking a step back there. It doesn’t mean I won’t do it, I’m just working hard on what I do and trying not to dominate too much. It’s been 4 years since our debut, we have passed that stage. It’s good for the other members to show their talents too. We can no longer just blindly say ‘do it’, ‘let’s do it’ like before.”

Then what is Rap Monster’s topic or assignments in 2017? “The thing that keeps coming no matter how much we do is homework so… (laughs) Firstly, as team, it’s the tour. Should I say concerts and tour are like an assorted gift set to singers? It’s the final piece. We did many things for it. So right now, my biggest topic and also worry is how well I will do at the concerts and how much people will react to it. I have a lot of assignments for myself but the most important one is music. My work is reaching a plateau so I’m worried about how I should do next. I keep thinking in my head but maybe it’s because my body is too busy that my mind doesn’t move forward. Truthfully, I haven’t come up with an answer yet. I need to release many music in 2017 but, I don’t know. I’m a little scared, and I don’t know if I can meet up my standard.”

What do you think about when you need to overcome those times? “I think about how it feels when I look in our fans’ eyes at the concert. This person doesn’t eat today, doesn’t watch a movie today, they spent their time to come all the way here for us, I think. At the same time, it makes me feel I’m doing a significant work. It’s not something significant socially, but I’m surprised that we can share each other’s energy. There’s no way to perfectly realizing my childhood dream, but mostly I think in any way, my dream came true.”