#I sometimes like assigning songs to different dynamics and or characters I play around with and I've been recently listening to

[an-au-blog]

Oh, your love is sunlight

Happy (late) Valentine's Day (version without text ↓ +description in tags)

[felassan]

Some musing and insight on DAI from Mike Laidlaw. Thread continues:

The first is in Haven, when you get a chance to walk around and catch up with all the principal characters. Cullen, Cassandra, Varric, etc. What I don’t think a lot of people realized is that they have a lot of different dialogue depending on whether you imported a save from the Dragon Age Keep.

If you didn’t import at all, their dialogue was a lot more introductory and didn’t deep dive into a lot of extra questions about the previous games. If you did import any world state, though, they had a bunch of extra things you could ask about, including previous relationships. The reasoning for this was, basically, if you imported we could safely assume you were enough into the whole “state of the world” that the extra dialogue would be rewarding and an early sign that your previous choices were listened-to and mattered. 

While someone who hadn’t done the import was likely a new player, or not deeply enough invested in world state stuff to want to have those dialogues. As such, we could save those folks from clicking through a ton of possibly meaningless dialogues. Normally I’m not a huge fan of “hidden reactivity” as it often goes unnoticed, but in this case we wanted it to be unnoticed. We wanted a smoother, less confusing on boarding for new players and I think in the end it was a successful endeavor. 

The second thing that’s subtle but so cool falls largely on the work on a few key folks in design, sound, and localization. In summary: at the very end of the Trespasser DLC, no matter how many characters are referenced, no matter what languages the lines are played in, the credits scroll ALWAYS end exactly as Cassandra realizes “he put her in the book.” It was a matter of working backwards, and the designer assigned “lengths” to every possible comment Cass could make (which was quite variable, as some characters could be missed entirely and never met) by language. The total added “length” of each line that would fire was then added up dynamically for the player’s specific state and then as the credits played they would transition from the bard songs over Trespasser’s credits to Cassandra’s reading at the exact moment to stick the ending.

I guess all this is to say: there were some really brilliant moments in the midst of all the bullshit, and I think every game has those subtleties and moments of real artistry. I appreciate the teams who work so hard on them all across the industry... and I’m looking forward to being surprised myself sometime. ;) 

[jackdawyt]

Mike Laidlaw shared a couple stories of subtle things from Inquisition that made him really happy.

Mike Laidlaw, the previous Creative Director of Dragon Age: Inquisition and Dragon Age 4′s previous iteration shared some insights into Inquisition’s development:  “There will come a time (probably soon) when I'll feel weird talking about Dragon Age because it will be someone else's jam and I won't want to steal any spotlights, but I'm going to tell a couple stories of subtle things from Inquisition that made me really happy.

The first is in Haven, when you get a chance to walk around and catch up with all the principal characters: Cullen, Cass, Varric, etc. What I don't think a lot of people realized is that they have a lot of different dialogue depending on whether you imported a save from the DA Keep.

If you didn't import at all, their dialogue was a lot more introductory and didn't deep dive into a lot of extra questions about theprevious games. If you did import any world state, though, they had a bunch of extra things you could ask about, including previous relationships.

The reasoning for this basically was if you imported, we could safely assume you were enough into the whole "state of the world" that the extra dialogue would be rewarding and an early sign that your previous choices were listened-to and mattered.

While someone who hadn't done the import was likely a new player, or not deeply invested enough in world state stuff to want to have those dialogues. As such, we could save those folks from clicking through a ton of possibly meaningless dialogues.

Normally I'm not a huge fan of "hidden reactivity" as it often goes unnoticed, but in this case wanted it to be unnoticed. We wanted a smoother, less confusing 'on-boarding' for new players and I think in the end it was a successful endeavour.

The second thing that's subtle but so cool falls largely on the world on a few key folks in design, sound and localization.

In summary: at the very end of Trespasser, no matter how many characters are reference, no matter what languages the lines are played in, the credits scroll ALWAYS end exactly as Cass realizes "he put her in the book."

It was a matter of working backwards and the designer assigned "lengths" to every possible comment she could make (which was quite variable, as some characters could be missed entirely and never met) by language.

The total added "length" of each line that would fire was then added up dynamically for the player's specific state, and then as the credits played, they would transition from the bard songs over Trespasser's credits to Cassandra's reading at the exact moment to stick the ending.

I guess this is all to say: there were some really brilliant moments in the midst of all the bullshit, and I think every game has those subtleties and moments of real artistry.

I appreciate the teams who work so hard on them across the industry ...

... and I'm looking forward to being surprised myself sometime. ;)”

Source

[ambitionsource]

hi can we get some zaley friendship headcanons whenever you're free? ☺️

im not the best at headcanons just bc of the way my brain functions but im gonna do my best for you, sunny my friend. let’s go zay and riley let’s go!

thrift shop buddies!! one of the most common ways that they hang out is definitely going thrifting. considering they arguably have the two most eclectic wardrobes on the show, this makes sense. esp i fully believe they’re the perfect people to thrift shop with where they encourage each other to try on everything, even if it seems outlandish (and sometimes even more in those moments). that’s the only way to really get some good finds! and i feel like, beyond S1, when they wear items for performances in the show that are clearly unique / seem thrifted, it’s more than 50% likely the other helped them pick it out at some point

on this note, i think that they both have really good senses of what looks good on the other bc they spend this time together, probably better than anyone else (yes, including their significant others. not that that’s hard, since both of their significant others have notoriously bland fashion). like even when theyre not out together i can totally imagine them seeing something and being like “oh this is so riley / zay” and getting it for each other. they know each other’s sizes and have like an ongoing swap credit system gfJSKHJDLFH

riley and zay usually run performance by the other person before they perform them for the class / at an audition. like they find a specific time (usually during breakout sessions during class) to get in front of the other person and run them through their concept + do a run-through for them. they just really appreciate the other’s perspective, especially since they tend to complement each other -- zay is able to identify places where riley could heighten things or add some flair or just like... assert her talent more lmao, whereas riley helps zay pull back on some of his more overwhelming instincts when necessary or find the moments to truly lean in emotionally rather than blowing us out of the water the whole time

if we could actually Watch the show, i guarantee 9/10 times when riley or zay is performing, we would cut to the other enjoying the performance. like theyre always bobbing their head along and truly feelin the other’s performances. excellent vibes luv!

i also think they harmonize well with each other, which is why its kind of a shame they dont do more performances together within the context of assignments (as for why, couldn’t tell you... it might just be a weird psychological thing of like i have These people i perform with when it matters and these who are just for fun... like maybe zay and riley tend to see each other as easygoing comfortable duet partners and thats why they try not to overdo putting pressure on it). but yeah they absolutely have days where they just hang out in one of the rehearsal studios and play around on the piano and try to find ways to harmonize on their favorite songs. this is some of the best singing riley ever does, bc its so low stakes and fun

i also think that honestly, zay really helps strengthen riley’s vocals over the time they’re friends -- especially early on. riley is someone with good raw talent but she’s never thought about honing it seriously prior to joining aaa, whereas zay has been on a career mindset since he was little. so he is good at teaching her like small technique things or helping her expand her range and she really values that esp bc hes so selfless about giving it, but it doesnt come off naggy or unnecessary like maya’s advice often does

sometimes it can be hard for them to find songs they both wanna sing though bc their music taste is so different. i think they have like three small categories where their favorites overlap -- select big names (sza, chloe x halle), jazz / old-time crooners (frank sinatra, nina simone, and the like), and select musical theater. but i think this is mainly on zay, bc he’s much more picky about music than riley who will give anything a listen without much nudging. as we know zay likes to pick on his friends’ music taste (like charlie and harry styles / 1d) and i don’t think riley would escape this affectionate teasing. they exchange song recs and riley gives him like her usual piano ballad-y sara bareilles tswift rachael yamagata energy and shes like oh yes, another piano ballad and hes like STOP!!! JUST LISTEEEENNNN GFSJKLHJFDSKLHKDLFH

that said though, they’re definitely go-to friends when it comes to like checking out a new local artist or coffeeshop open mic nights. this is probably a typical zay / riley / yindra outing

zay doesn’t spend a ton of time watching tv bc “he has better things to do with his time,” but riley and zay are definitely the type to watch a show together. like not always Together, but they’ll try to keep up with each other so that they can talk about it (and riley has to try really hard not to keep binging and get way ahead of zay). theyre good at this bc they can have really intense and opinionated conversations about it but in a way where its like safe and neither of them feel like theyre actually being judged / are stupid if they disagree (something thats not common for riley, and zay usually is trying to discuss media with super strong personalities who aren’t great at Debating).

in general, though, they tend to agree on favorite characters / relationships. for example, they both hate rachel berry -- which always gets maya and farkle extremely heated if they’re around. i can only imagine why...

they’re also definitely safe-space vent people for each other. they don’t use the privilege all that often bc i think both of them try to like keep their cool and not get hung up about things, but if they really just have to pop off about something they know they can go to the other person and they’ll actually Listen and keep it under wraps rather than either spilling it to everyone else and/or immediately trying to problem solve rather than just listening to the Emotions. and it’s helpful bc for the most part, their friends don’t actually really overlap that much, so they don’t really like harbor the emotions the other person unloads on them or let it affect their dynamics with other people? like riley can talk about dasher and zay can talk about yingel without it having any ripple consequences bc theyre different circles.

for example, i can totally see riley talking to zay about how she feels like -- at first -- asher doesn’t really like her and won’t really let her in and like he doesn’t want her to join the friend group (even tho that isn’t really true). like she can’t talk to dylan about it bc she’s not going to put him in that position and she’s not foolish enough to think that’s a good idea, she can’t talk to lucas about it bc he like doesn’t get stuff like that gFJKHGLFJSDLH and also he has such a set impression of asher it would be hard for him to understand it from her perspective. zay has none of that, so hes a good person to listen to her nerves about it.

the only times this gets kind of complicated / janky is in the midst of zay x charlie stuff where riley is kind of unintentionally (or, sometimes, intentionally) in the middle. like, zay trusts her not to go telling charlie what he says about him, but he knows they’re good friends too, and its an awkward position to put her in. but still, i think when zay is really hurt or frustrated he’ll snap sometimes and just vent out all his anger about charlie to riley in one foul swoop, and she’ll just absorb it like a sponge without judgment and then not bring it up again. but you can also see little ways where this puts pressure on their friendship, like how when he was drunk in 304 zay expressed resentment towards the fact that riley also talks to charlie and sometimes he feels like she puts him first, even though that isn’t true. it’s just..... a very very complicated (and interesting, if emotional) situation with that trio.

that being said, when things are Good, i think that zay feels comfortable talking about his significant others (including charlie) with riley. he doesn’t really get too Detailed about anything personal or anything, but they definitely discussed charlie in s2 in the small window of time where riley knew and zc wasn’t actively imploding LMAO. on the flip side, riley doesn’t really talk to zay about her relationships, but only bc her relationship is lucas GJFSKLJHLKDJHFLDSH. like anyone else she’d be like okay sure this is fine but she knows zay finds lucas annoying 65% of the time and talking about him in a romantic context grosses him out so she respects that LMAOOOO. hysterical

in general, if they’re gonna hang out, they usually go to either a local coffee shop they like (like svorskis) or each other’s houses. its kind of a relief to have a person they can just take anywhere and have around their parents with no trouble at all, considering both of them are used to having a boyfriend who cant be seen in their house (for different reasons). and theyre comfortable enough that like i think when they hang out at their houses, they just spread out in the living area of both bc theyre not hiding anything, its like very lowkey and comfortable

that being said, riley doesnt spend much time in zay’s usual studio at school. most people don’t, its a place zay now likes to be alone (and it feels weird with someone else being there who isnt charlie)

as for how they come off to their families, the babineauxs love riley. jada has met her a couple of times and thinks she’s super sweet + zay could afford to learn a thing or two from her like how to chill the fuck out (cue zay going shut the fuck up). donna is excited that zay has another friend who isn’t batshit intense about stuff like maya / farkle, she figures yindra has the diva best friend role covered and zay needs more friends like nigel and riley to ground him. she’s right about this.

cory likes zay, but he also does have some prejudices from the teaching perspective about how zay doesn’t pay attention in class half the time and blows off his assignments -- but this isn’t partially because cory isn’t a great teacher and his assignments suck. so the feeling is mutual, tho zay gets along better with cory in a neutral, polite sense than say, asher and dylan, where it’s like guerilla psychological warfare. topanga has no opinion about zay bc riley doesn’t introduce her friends to her (wisely).

they’re still very common lunch buddies. essentially when riley isn’t eating with the techies (which is only when lucas is there usually) or bothering lucas in the booth once a week, she’s with zay (which usually also means nigel, yindra, and farkle, though not always)

ultimately, i think that when someone asks riley who her best friend is, her mind will always jump to zay first. not even because theyre necessarily the closest at any given time, but because he really was her first life raft at aaa and he extended that kindness to her in a moment where she was so used to being brushed aside, talked over, ridiculed -- and you don’t forget that. it stays with you. so when she thinks about her Best Friend, speed round answer, he will always come to mind first. i think she greatly admires his skillful balance of confidence and compassion, his sarcastic sense of humor, the way he gets so passionate about dance and music and how these elements come together, and his inarguable kindness that is at his core and so fundamental to everything he does (even when his more known reputation is a bit more barbed and witty).

on the flip side, i think riley came into zay’s life at the exact moment he needed it. we know he felt isolated in s1, and even though i think he thinks of nigel and yindra as his first-to-mind best friends, riley was a breath of fresh air who allowed him to be himself with someone who wasnt going to judge him on past decisions or impressions. just like he gave her the chance to define herself in his eyes with his extension of company on that first day, she does the same for him by not making assumptions about him and learning who he is on their terms. i think she’s also just a really great, measured system of support -- she’s not busting his balls or keeping him in check like yindra and nigel do (except when its really needed, like 304), but she isn’t as in awe / romanticized with him like charlie. i think he appreciates that he can go to her for an honest perspective, but she’ll take the care to deliver that honesty in a gentle way. it’s like, he’s tough enough to take a hit, but sometimes its nice to know you have someone who will be kind with you even then.

that’s what is at the core of their friendship overall. kindness.

-- Maggie

[kaypeace21]

I have a question but I just want to say first that I love your theories. They’re very well thought-out and interesting. Anyway, I wanted to ask if you could explain how Mike is queer-coded? I’ve seen you mention it and I’ve seen others talk about his attraction to androgynous El, but is there more? Thanks!

ALOT MORE! I talked about it here in the past- but without getting too much into s3 (since I’ve already talked about s3 byler extensively).I’ll just have links for everything I noticed in s3 at the bottom of this post. In regards to s1 and 2, Mike was heavily coded as queer. But most significantly this was done in s1- arguably he was more queer coded than Will ever was. I won’t get into all the details (we’d be here all day) but the highlights, at the top of my head are-

s1

- Mike in his his basement has a red heart being propelled by a rainbow.

- 4 separate characters said El looked like a boy, but Mike doesn’t care! Even one of the men thought El might be the missing ‘Byers boy’. When El loses her wig , Troy said “she doesn’t even look like a girl” to the cops. But Mike just calls her “really pretty”

-Nancy says “I thought you were acting weird, but I thought it was because of Will” And Mike responds “I thought you were acting weird too I thought it was because of Steve … Do you like Jonathan now”?” Nancy: “No, do you like Eleven?”. They literally compared the explicit love triangle between Steve/Nancy/Jonathan to the Will-Mike-El dynamic!

- Mike literally uses gender inclusive pronouns when talking about crushes using the word “someone” (3 times), and embarrassing himself because he can’t articulate the difference between friendship and romance. When he could of simply given the 80s heteronormative  answer of ‘when a boy likes a girl’.

Mike: “ you go to school dances with someone. 

You know someone that you like” 

El: “a friend?”

Mike: ‘not a friend uh … uh someone like a” (gives up and kisses her)

-Mike’s mom said “ What’s been going on with Will, I can’t imagine what it’s been like for you. I just … want you to feel like you can talk to me. I never want you to feel like you have to HIDE anything from me” (she even emphasizes the word ‘hide”  (which is heavily queer coded)

- when Will ‘dies’, “we can be heroes” by David bowie (a bisexual singer) plays,   “And we kiss as though nothing could fall and the shame” is the lyric that plays when Mike returns to his house and cries in his mother’s arms over the ‘death’ of Will. Do I have to explain how ‘kissing and shame’ are queer-coded . And how such a lyric is oddly romantic- if we’re supposed to see their bond as nothing but platonic XD

-his dad jokes “Absolutely not” *turns to wife* “our son with a girl?”.

- when Lucas makes fun of his crush on EL, Lucas gets down on one knee  and says “ I love you so much, will you marry me?” and literally 1s later, we’re introduced to the bullies and the idea (for the first time) that Will is ‘gay’, and Mike is in the forefront of the scene and unlike his friends he is THE ONLY ONE physically assaulted (like a gay-bashing) .  They leave Lucas and Dustin unharmed. Even though Lucas just proposed to another guy- which should have gotten him a beating by the homophobic bullies.

It’s supposed to subconsciously hint Mike is queer like Will, and likes Will. The first interaction with the bullies, they mention Will being ‘gay’ right after they mention Mike’s crush on androgynous El and have a guy propose to Mike. Mike says to “ignore them” ( the homophobic remarks) but is assaulted anyways. And when asked what happed he doesn’t want to tell El the details cause he’s ashamed . 

2nd time the bullies talk about Will, Mike is once again in the forefront, unlike his straight friends who are in the background . But this time Mike initiates the confrontation), as the bullies say Will is “flying in fairyland with all the other little fairies. All happy and gay”. Mike was literally on the verge or tears at this comment (despite being happy a few moments earlier , telling the others to ‘act sad’ because they’d look suspicious other wise). But this is the comment where Mike snaps and pushes Troy back (because he took it personally/wanted to defend Will). 

The framing of Mike once again being in the front and snapping at the homophobic remarks (these gifs don’t do it justice, just rewatch the scene -Mike eyes water at the remarks). Then the last time the bullies appear , Mike jumps off the cliff and “flies like a fairy” (like Troy said) thanks to El . Troy at the police station even uses the word “fly” not levitate.

- Mike proclaiming “I’m the only one who cares about Will!” Seems like something a kid with a crush might say ( because obviously his other friends care about Will). But he thinks he cares the most.

-Mike sneaking out to find Will, as Steve sneaks in to Nancy’s. They both even make eye contact (and pretend not to have seen each other).

- they share dinosaur toys , in s1 and 2 they appear to be the only ones with dinosaur toys.

- The s1 mom hug scene where Mike feels he lost Will is paralleled in s3 - signifying how he lost him a 2nd time.

- Mike in the 1st ep being the one to insist on looking for Will in the rain (callback to s3). But he never went looking for El when he saw her through his window? Even when Mike saw Will’s dead body, the second he heard his voice he convinced his friends to help rescue him!

- You remember the binder (from s1) that Mike keeps, filled with 100s of Will’s drawings, and how he caresses the drawing after thinking Will was dead. That’s totes platonic.

s2

- Will in all 3 seasons identifies as a wizard. But in s2 Mike (the paladin) says Will is a cleric. Meaning this reflects how Mike actually feels about Will. In d&d, they have similar moral values, powers, and generally need and depend on each other in the lore of d&d. Paladins have similar healing powers to clerics, but clerics have stronger healing abilities - which is interesting since Mike has always been viewed as the protector. But to Mike Will has helped him (maybe deal with the loss of El and other trauma) , just by being there. And if Mike says Will is a cleric,despite Will still identifying as a wizard in s3, it shows how deeply Mike actually feels about Will. It shows he views Will as one of the only people who understands him and views him as a healing presence and his moral compass.

“ strength of conviction gave many paladins a sense of common fellowship but did not always endear them to others. In many cases, paladins did not get along quite as well with other non-paladin adventurers, with the exception of clerics with similar beliefs.”

“A Paladin tries to hold to the highest standards of conduct, but even the most virtuous Paladin is fallible. Sometimes the heat of emotion causes a Paladin to transgress his or her oath (of honesty, courage, compassion, honor ,and duty). A paladin who has broken a vow typically seeks absolution from a cleric who shares his or her faith or from another paladin of the same order. After a rite of confession and forgiveness, the paladin starts fresh.

-Mike stands next to Will under the rainbow poster

- Mike forces Will to dance with a girl, but you literally see Mike’s shocked expression like  ‘what,why’d I do that ?’ And after this, they show Dustin looking sad about Max/Lucas dancing and then they have Mike get into the frame (next to Dustin) and look sad when Will/girl are dancing in the same exact frame as Max/Lucas. As they switch between these 2 shots.

- All the mileven byler parallels or byler scenes were almost ALL initiated by Mike. If the parallels were meant to show a one sided love triangle (on Mike’s end). They would of made Will the instigator not Mike! Parallels can be watched here , start at 6:50)

-Mike initiated the “crazy together’ line- and in s3 he said ‘blank makes you crazy’. So subconsciously he knew the line had romantic connotations.

-Mike initiating the hand hold (with a zoom in shot) and in the show this is only done for romantic pairings. Also Mike being the one to initiate the ‘arm thing’ which is generally romantic. But in s3 , Lucas also does this, saying “I am spending quality time with my girlfriend’

-Mike saying, asking him to be his friend was the “best thing I’ve ever done”

-Mike constantly following Will around, asking if he’s okay or biking to his house to check on him. In s3 running out to chase Will to the garage and apologizing, and running into a storm to apologize a 2nd time.

YOU SEE A PATTERN! Mike is whipped! And is the one constantly chasing and pursuing Will, not the other way around! Before s3, people always portrayed Will as the (stereotypical- problematic trope of ) a sad-pinning-gay in a one sided love with Mike. It’s like people didn’t even watch the show (and just assigned tropes/stereotypes they wanted, that weren’t actually there). Will (probably too shy or scared to- because of homophobic taunts) never initiated a single byler moment- it was ALWAYS Mike!!! If people were actually objective, they would of thought it was Mike who was the one pinning! I talked about it here. 

We literally only saw Will pine or be jealous in s3 when Mike was in a relationship with El/when they fought.  

The cannon Spotify playlists

called ‘Mike’s basement beats’- These are character playlists that Spotify and St worked on together after s2.

-his first song is “small town boy” an 80s LGBT anthem about living in a small town and being queer and bullied. Every band member was openly gay.

-his 11th song is ‘don’t you want me’ from a “celebrate your gay pride” album

S3

I’m not repeating my literal essays so here are the links to pretty much all my s3 byler meta.  (x) (x) (x) (x) (x) (x) (x) (x)

- brief s3 mentions) it’s implied Will and Mike go on movie double dates all the time (right after he makes out with El). He celebrates the holidays (generally associated with introducing s.os) with Will/El. The breakup with El is treated comedically - and all Mike does is complain and burp on the couch. The byler breakup is serious (with the backdrop of rain)while Mike was visibly upset he hurt Will and apologized twice almost immediately . Running to the garage and then into the rain and banging on his door (s2 callback). The “it was the best thing I’ve ever done “ shed scene was shot purposely more romantic than the pool shed scene of “you’re the most important thing in the world to me”. The fact he think “blank makes you crazy”,and he used a similar line on Will in s2. The fact that Mike equates falling in love with girls as a part of growing up and his love for El as something “old people” say. While his affections for Will , he believes are childish (like d&d) and something he has to grow out of. The “I love her” scene was treated comedically. The last Mike/Will exchange vs Mike having his eyes open and not kissing El back . Not remembering he said “I love her”, and dismissing it as something he said in the heat of the moment. Mike looking back at the Byers house , then flashing to Will crying, than flashing back to Mike hugging his mom. Then those scenes having a monologue about not wanting feelings to change but how it’s inevitable.

Also we see in s3 (in El’s room) the return of the heart being propelled by a rainbow.

No hate, but I’m honestly flabbergasted when people think Mike is straight when he’s literally MORE queer coded than Will. Is it just my autistic brain seeing things as obvious, that others easily miss- or just people refuse to see it … or heteronormativity getting in the way?

gif credit : (not sure about the first 2, tell me if they’re yours so I can give credit), last 3 by  eggogorgon , the last gif by cath-avery

[kim-lexie]

extra-ordinary you.

extra-ordinary you, also known as haru found by chance, is seriously a drama in a league all its own. it follows eun danoh, as our lead; however, she comes to find that she isn’t the lead in the story that she is living in but rather an extra character in the comic ‘secret’. it follows her desiring her own story and the ability to make her own fate which leads her to haru, the boy that can change her day. it has romance, easy-going-light-hearted scenes, as well as heartfelt moments that alter the course of our characters. there were lots and lots of tears, and dynamic character development. 

also i must say do not be deterred by the fact that it takes place in a high school, this is no high school drama (thank you lee jae-wook, my original reason for watching this drama). rather it acknowledges the cringe and nonsense that happens in the typical teenage-high-school drama plot. i would 100 out of 10 recommend. 

*now on to potential spoilers so beware*

the premise. the idea itself is something i have never watched or read before, i seriously loved it. it is nice watching a drama and being able to fall in love with the main storyline as something I’ve seen many times before and then seeing the slight deviations. however, with this drama i never knew what was going to happen. the life in the comic for sure, knowing that nonsense was going to happen such as namjoo’s mother going to be crazy and try to wreck jooda. obvious. but our extra’s storyline was never written, and i liked that aspect staying true to the unknown of an extra’s character. 

our characters. in general i loved how all the characters evolved even the ones that were not self aware of the universe they were in. eun danoh our girl, with the terminal heart condition. she was precious, and incredibly heartwarming character. looking at all her scenes and even behind the scenes cuts she literally embodies her character. the little nuances and slight hand gestures and facial expressions fit her to a T (thank you kim hyeyoon for bringing eun danoh to life). as she becomes self aware her self determination and drive to change her fate increases,  and i enjoyed seeing her create her own tomorrow. as different obstacles presented themselves she had her cry and picked herself back up which i love to see in a female lead. sometimes it’s so easy to just be like where is her boo to come help her out, she determined her own future and relied on herself and her friends to get her through. the freaking writer for some reason wanted to kill off this cute extra and i just don’t understand what it would have done for the storyline, so eun danoh had to fight for her life for the majority of the drama which was sad. and heartbreaking because you can see how badly she wants to live even if it is a broken record playing the stage for someone else. 

baek-hyeong my boo. his character seriously embodied second male lead syndrome throughout the majority of the drama, except for those few episodes where he was completely and utterly lost. i.e. when he was figuring out his feelings and when he deceived eun danoh at the end. but literally he loved her on the stage and off. he was angsty and the typically member of a trio of boys who rule the school. it was his assigned role and he played it well. i seriously loved the moment that eun danoh came to forgive baekhyeong because it is truly what he needed to hear to be able to be at peace with all that had happened. 

“although, i am merely a character made by the writer. however, before everything I’m eun danoh and you’re baek-hyeong. therefore, the eun danoh from “secret” is thankful for you. as for the eun danoh from “chinese trumpet vine”, she forgives you. that’s because it was the writers created baek hyeong to be. thank you. i really hope that you can be more of yourself. just like how i was able to find the true me”

literally weeped the whole freaking scene. they had grown up together in his world, when his character in their past killed her. the writer was so twisted. they just wanted to find themselves and grow into the people they truly wanted to become.

haru (freaking rowoon) seriously swoon. dreamy haru caught our danoh’s attention and together they developed first a friendship then something more. and turns out their fates met long before ‘secret’ but rather in ‘chinese trumpet vine’. 

loved all of their scenes and lines *insert instant gems*

“eun dan oh is my only beginning. so I’m okay if my role ends with her. “

“dan oh…every moment of mine is you”

“since my beginning and ending was you”

“call my name.”

haru is the definition of a precious bean at the start and i love how he gains himself and becomes more vocal with his opinions later on, but still has his moments of cuteness, like when he made them matching necklaces ). his previous life in ‘chinese trumpet vine’ then and now in ‘secret’ guided his every moment. she was literally the center of his world, and i loved his desire to help her and be able to be there for her. some notable moments that led to me weeping were: when he gave her the beautiful night sky in the art room, when he left her the journal after he disappeared of drawings of their moments together. there were too many but those are my two favorites. when eun danoh was in the hospital and they were unable to meet at their tree together was awful and heart-wrenching. their relationship was precious and i loved how it developed and grew. i also appreciated the friendship between dohwa, haru, and danoh because they were the three musketeers and they were adorable. 

the side stories were well done. sometimes i feel like we neglect our extras but i appreciated how we saw the majority of them through. dohwa and jooda, our poor second male lead who almost became first male lead off stage which i would have 11 out of 10 been behind, and still don’t quite understand her reasoning because namjoo would have been just fine okay. i also appreciated soochul and saemi’s (eun danoh’s friends) storyline and how it continued on into the next comic. 

an odd part of this drama was that the main antagonist was an aloof omnipotent writer, who drew out each storyline and was never actually physically present. it was interesting concept to try and wrap my head around. so many insane moments and tragedy that occurred was with the writer just going about the daily and wrecking it for our characters. the writer was seriously twisted, having danoh meant to be paired with baek-hyeong who ended her in the last comic. making haru, baek-hyeong’s side kick once again after their tragedy in the last. seriously twisted. it was interesting how when they were able to change certain aspects everything still fell in line but with other characters in place. i cannot even imagine how our characters felt because it was seriously ridiculous at times, and disappointing to be back at square one so many times. no matter how much time dedication and energy they kept having to go back to try and rewrite the story. 

the ending was unsatisfactory, it had me in a puddle of tears, when everyone started disappearing from the scenes. however i don’t know how it could have ended any other way. we all knew the comic had to end, just as dramas end. it could have ended mid sentence which could have happened knowing how cruel this writer was (serious bone to pick with this one, seriously twisted and they need therapy). but the start of a new drama with them both as extras gives them more freedom than their designated stories gave them previously. however, where was baek-hyeong in the ending or dohwa? that was so sad not seeing them in this world. it is fortunate thought that danoh and haru are self aware because that would have been another mountain to overcome and go through the process all over again. but now i have the opportunity to just hope they can live happily as extras in their later dramas. 

i would love to say, ‘yes please have a spin off in this drama to follow them as free extras, and their adventures’. but no way would i sign up for this torturous world again. my heart would not be able to take it. i was setting myself up for a scarlet heart ryeo ending with how the majority of this drama went with nothing going my way.

side note the music was so great. i loved so many of the ost songs, and just recently have i been able to listen to a few because there were too many sad emotions held with them. my top tracks: 

my beauty by verivery

첫사랑 by sondia

끝나지 않을 이야기 by Stray Kids (mainly the song i couldn’t listen to for two weeks afterward) 

now i know for sure that i am missing some of my thoughts, and i wish i kept a log after each episode, but you never know what dramas are really going to kick you in the gut until you know. i will probably rewatch this eventually once I’ve recovered a little more. maybe watch a few more rowoon dramas, and then i’ll make a log because literally every episode had something and left you with an imprint, and I'm sure i missed a lot the first watch.

i just really loved this drama and needed to process a fraction of my thoughts and feelings. it was just really good and i loved each episode. and i freaking love haru. once again 100 out of 10 recommend.

[feel199x]

to protect our district— 09

TO PROTECT OUR DISTRICT — CH. 09; THE DEVIL

I II III IV V VI VII VIII IX masterlist

♟ ceo!hwang hyunjin, mafia boss!hwang hyunjin, mafia!au

♟ summary: basically this vine

♟ warnings: trauma symptoms, minor character death, depictions of blood and fighting, angst, themes of sexism

♟ a/n: i’ve been gone for a while but!! as a gift, this chapter is twenty three pages long!! i promise i’m doing my best to update, there’s just been a lot going on! thank you for all the support, thank you for keeping my passion for writing alive!! ALSO trying out a new format!! let me know if u like it!!

♟ song rec: believe what you want, blue rose, & painting

 You gripped the side of your desk, inconspicuously shoving the slip of paper in your mouth. You weren’t stupid enough to throw it away, and definitely not stupid enough to keep it on your person. Were you going to go? You didn’t know, and you definitely didn’t want to have to make any more life-threatening decisions if you could help it.

 There was something sort of comforting about a monotonous life like the one you were pretending to live. Always knowing what was going to happen, doing simple things like organizing schedules, sending faxes, and making spreadsheets.

 You’d like to imagine you had lived the type of life and family dynamics that you had seen from time to time on television. It hadn’t occurred to you that this type of life wasn’t normal, not until very, very recently. How was it fair that most people’s problem consisted of what to wear, what they looked like, the drama between friends and what the latest text from their romantic partner actually means. You wanted that type of simpler life, you wanted more knowledge when you were a child. You felt stupid, you wanted to scold yourself and you want to yell and tell that child how stupid, foolish and utterly naive she was.

 But that child needs sympathy and protection, just like you still do.

 It was all getting too much the more you thought about, making your head spin.

 Your eyes were burning, and it could have very well been from staring at your desktop screen instead of actually doing anything. Something just felt wrong, and you didn’t know what. It was like a clock striking the final hour, and all it could say was wrong! with every chime. Your head was drooping, exhaustion lulling you even as paranoia consumed you. The sound of carousel music jolted you awake, making your desk chair squeak as several coworkers took a quick glance at you. And for a brief second, you swore you saw Sir Hwang and his record player. He was there, and then he wasn’t. Your sanity was slipping for you. You rubbed your eyes, shaking your head as your fingers hovered over the keyboard. Getting up, you smoothed your pencil skirt as you found yourself pouring yourself a cup of coffee, your eighth one in the span of two hours.

 You should’ve been off your rocker, being able to complete more than what was tasked to you that day. And you were- off your rocker that is, but in a different way. All this caffeine coursing in your blood made it impossible for you to sleep, even as your eyes drooped and your body begged. And yet, you were hyperaware. Every noise, the rustling of paper, the tapping of paper, the hum of the printers, all of it echoed in your brain.

 You watched as everyone leave for the lunch break, and you slipped into a leaving crowd of people who didn’t work on your floor. The elevator filled up with people and you crouched down, pulling a hoodie over your head and tucking your hair into the back. You moved your way to the front, your coworkers too invested in picking the restaurant that they should go to next. If they were suspicious of what you were doing, you wouldn’t have known. Not now, or later. You tagged along before swiveling into an incoming crowd, going back into the building.

 You’d never been in the surveillance room, and it was locked when you came across it. It was a lot better than having the guards actually in there because you had yet to come up with an excuse or more likely, distraction. You figured they must’ve been on patrol, but still, an uneasiness made your lips tight and chapped. You slipped in after playing with the lock for a minute or two, and you hurried to play with the security footage. Something felt off, definitely off, even if you were unsure of what exactly was wrong. You gave yourself some time to make it to Changbin’s desk, out and then into the building again as if you were returning from lunch with the rest of your coworkers.

 It took you longer than you had wished, and you knew that the guards would have been returning from their rounds. (If that was really, indeed what they were doing.)

   If anyone was to have information about the feds visiting, and more importantly, the trip that you were all soon about to take, it’d have to be him. Sure, he had said that he wanted to help. But you didn’t know if you couldn’t trust him. Hell, you didn’t even know if you could trust Hyunjin. You pulled your gloves on and went through his papers. Until finally, after looking over your shoulder more than a dozen times, you had found a few sheets of loose paper. And though some information was redacted, you rushed over to the copier. Glancing nervously at the ticking clock, there was a lump in your throat as you tapped your foot. Something was wrong. Something was clearly so, so wrong. And yet, you couldn’t make out what it was.

 The copier took forever, and with each somehow delayed second, you grew more and more panicked.

 To make matters worse, Hyunjin hadn’t even come in. You knew he couldn’t have been dead, his father was very adamant of securing his son’s place as an heir, even if that wasn’t what his son particularly wanted. You weren’t afraid that Hyunjin was dead, you were afraid that he was very nearly dead.

 It had only happened a few times before, but that was enough for it to stay lodged in your brain. A fervor hatred like gasoline to a forest fire. You’d never want to see you Hyunjin like that again, face swollen, his identity nearly shrouded with all the blood covering his face. His father had found out that he had skipped several lessons, to be in your company, no less. And he had still been smiling, crawling into your bedroom as you cleaned him up. He had made you laugh when he saw you cry at his pain, telling you not to worry as he winced from the alcohol as you cleaned his cuts.

 Later you had learned that his dad had challenged him to a fight, under the assumption that if Hyunjin had been skipping, it must be because he had surpassed the skill currently being taught.

 Looking back at it now, it made you even more resentful and anxious. So terribly, terribly anxious.

 Your bullet wound was beginning to stick to the inside of your blouse, and growing more uncomfortable as it began to wet your shirt, a growing humid and wet patch starting to grow on your blouse. But you ignored it, telling yourself you could stand it a while longer. Just a while longer until you could slip away and patch it yourself. This wouldn’t be happening if your first response wasn’t aiming to fucking kill you instead of you know, providing actual first aid. You pulled your shirt, swiveling your head to look for Chan’s desk. You couldn’t do much except for wipe the affected area off with tissues so that’s what you did, folding the paper into small squares as you tried to ignore the smell. You furrowed your eyebrows, remembering the last couple days as if it was some sort of fever dream instead of reality because it would’ve been much better if that was, in fact, the case.

 Before you could think- and sometimes you really wish you’d think your actions through- you found yourself walking to Chan’s desk with determination. You leaned over the wall that separated Chan’s cubicle from his coworker, an overwhelming itching sensation coming from

 “Hey, ____, how’s the wound coming? Do you want me to have a look at it later?”

 “Are you sure your boss is going to be okay with it?”

 He blinked, but didn’t miss a beat answering your question, even if he turned towards his computer. “I’m not sure what you’re implying, ____, we’re a team.”

 You placed your hand on his glass desk, sure you’d leave some fingerprints but you didn’t care- and leaned to face him, your face merely a breath away.

 “I’m not a fool, I know where your loyalties lie. But it’s tradition you know, district nine fights for answers.”

 “I’m not going to fight you, ___.”

   “Why not-?”

 He looked straight at you, teeth slightly clenched but his face otherwise blank, “Because you suffered a bullet wound less than a few days ago, and need I remind you- we’re-,” he paused with each word, “a fucking team!”

 “Some shitty team if you were ordered to give me fucking gangrene.”

 He clenched his jaw, furrowing his eyebrows at the computer. He tapped his fingers against his desk a couple of times, leaving behind oily residue from their pads.

 “You wanna fight? Fine. But not here. Have some fucking decency, ____.”

 He leaned back into his chair, pushing it away from you to continue whatever work he was assigned. He was right, in some sense, if you fought here- Sir Hwang would know.

 “But it’s not because I want to, or because I’m guilty of anything,” he said as he began to file a few sheets of paper, “But because I have a feeling you won’t leave until I agree to it. And maybe if you lose, you’ll finally understand that not everybody’s against you.”

 You walked away, dumbfounded. And sat in your desk chair repeating his words in your head until it was finally time to leave. You zoned out staring at Hyunjin’s office, your desktop going dark as your body was finally starting to give in. There was so much to be worried about, and it all felt like it was going to suffocate you. It would’ve been better if Hyunjin was here, just seeing him right now would give you an inexplicable type of comfort. Still, there was an air of guilt around the thought of Hyunjin. Should you tell him before it’s too late? You knew he was aware that something was going on, and you had never been one to keep things from him. It felt like you owed it to him, but you couldn’t be hasty. One wrong move and it’s all gone. It’s all over.

 Your body was beginning to shut down, your shoulder area throbbing and growing more uncomfortable by the second. You should’ve fixed it before everyone had returned from their break, it would’ve cost you this discomfort. But even the thought of someone seeing you walking out with a roll of gauze- the thought of someone seeing you vulnerable- that was too intimidating for you to even risk it.

 The office floor had cleared out without you noticing. Thankfully, you had gone somewhat on autopilot, typing up an email to another company the Hwangs wanted to collaborate with. Jisung leaned across the desk from you, a small smile as he took a peek at your screen.

 “Are you almost done? I didn’t want to leave without you.”

 “I’ll be right down, you can go on ahead. I’ll catch up.”

 “Listen…”

 His voice trailed off and you looked up after you sent the email, raising an eyebrow. “Yes, Jisung?”

 “I heard you were fighting Chan.”

 You grabbed your bag and rubbed your aching heels before slipping them into your flats. “And you think I shouldn’t do it.”

 He fluffed his hair nervously and looked to the side, “I’ve seen him train before, I don’t think it’s a good idea. Considering your condition and all.”

 “You’ve seen him train? You guys know each other?”

 “No- uh, not really? I’ve only sparred with him a couple of times before.”

 “How is that possible? The only other kid I’ve met is Hyunjin, I didn’t even know you guys existed!”

 He pursed his lips, “Listen, let’s talk about this another time. Just, don’t fight him, okay? He won’t think less of you.”

 “To the contrary,” you slipped under the strap of your purse, “he will. You will. Everyone will. There’s a lot I don’t know, but I promise I’m not as weak as you guys think. I’ll prove it.”

 He followed you anxiously, twirling the keys of the van. “I don’t think we should fight, especially not physically-!”

 “What’re you so worried about Jisung? Chan could’ve killed me, I deserve to know why.”

 He looked down, running his fingers along the grooves of the keys. “Just be careful, okay?”

 The tensions were high inside the car. Jisung and Changbin stealing nervous glances towards you and each other. You pretended not to notice. Chan, however, was as calm and poised as ever. He tapped the steering wheel along to the beat of the song. The sun was still to set as you looked out the tinted windows, the sky painted soft watercolors as day dripped into night.  No matter what happened, the world goes on. Everyone you see, holding hands with their lover and walking their dogs, their lives will keep on going. And you wanted to be like them, you yearned to walk a cute dog and hold hands with Hyunjin in a park. It was spring after all, and you’d had very few chances to enjoy it. Before you knew it, the flower’s petals would already have fallen. Summer would pass and the leaves would turn brown and the trees would become bare.

 And then it would come again, it would be spring then summer and winter all over again. Nature knew, nature was never changing and ever-changing all in one, and you? You didn’t even know what would happen within an hour from now. This was not what nature intended.

 You wondered, to yourself, if this was indeed a game. And if it was, were you winning? Right now, who had the upper hand? Who was making the smarter moves? At least in Chess, you could see all the pieces, but you weren’t even sure what your next step would really be.

 In the end, who would be saying checkmate?

 A surge of doubt came across you and you clutched the hem of your skirt, feeling the stitches on the underside. You bit the inside of your cheek. Was your goal in vain?

 The car came to a stop, the opening of doors and jangling keys taking you out of your trance. You didn’t have time to think about it, even if you wanted to. Jisung hurried off with Chan, giving you a nervous smile as he walked in. “We’ll see you in the training room in the west wing.” Changbin lingered behind, walking by your side. “You’ve probably never been by there, right? I’ll go with you.”

 You nodded, thanking him in your head. He followed you as you walked to your family’s small part of the estate, your hand was on the doorknob before you suddenly remembered.

 “Sorry Changbin, I just remembered I keep my training stuff in the North Hall. You ever been there?”

 He nodded, “Only a couple times, by accident. Do you really think you can win this spar?”

 The both of you hurried along, “I do. Or, at the very least, give him a hell of a time.” He gave you a small smile, keeping along with you as you broke into a run for the north hall. You reached the room where you were scheduled to train. Without having to ask, Changbin turned around as you stumbled around to change. You ignored the dizziness and nausea in you, chalking it up to repressed anxiety. “Aren’t you scared? Chan is quite big, and I’m sure Jisung has told you about his capabilities.”

 “Why is it that none of you are concerned about Chan’s well-being? How do you know I’m not stronger than him?”

 “Because, well-.”

 “Because I’m a girl right?”

 “That’s not fair, ___, he’s had more years of training and he’s just-!”

 “Just what, Changbin? You can turn around now, let’s go.”

 He sighed and put his hands up in surrender. “You’re right, sorry. But regardless, you still have a bullet wound. We’re in the mafia, we don’t exactly play by the rules.”

 You shrugged, fixing your shirt as the pair of you ran off to the West Wing. You ran, silently wincing with every jolt of pain that came when your heel hit the floor. Fortunately, Chan hadn’t arrived yet. You stretched for a few minutes, Changbin joining you in silence. “Bet you miss Hyunjin. Huh?” You kept a neutral face and nodded, you knew this was Changbin’s specialty. You felt so transparent with him, unsure if it was his demeanor and character or title and status within the group. “I’m going to check up on him after the spar,” you looked at yourself in the mirror, “Probably spend the rest of the night with him. I’m scared his dad hurt him.”

 You spent a minute or two in silence, abruptly broken by the opening of the door. Jisung gave you another nervous smile, throwing you a small hands up and Chan ignored your gaze. You got up slowly, pulling your shirt again. You had made sure to grab a loose, flowy one, but your wound kept sticking to it. Your legs were starting to feel weak, the floor seeming to ripple underneath you. Still, you were calm. Probably calmer than you should’ve been. You swallowed hard and faced Chan.

 He didn’t look at you, but instead, past you. He was a little less than neutral, a little more than blank. He seemed slightly annoyed, not angry- but instead gave you the sense that he wished he didn’t have to deal with this.

 “Let’s get this over with okay? Maybe I’ll knock some sense into you.” He finally looked at you, an intense gaze that could make anyone back down. And maybe it was the haze, maybe the lack of sense that had strung you this far, but you weren’t scared. Not agitated, or irritated either. Just calm.

“Thought you’d be above trash talking before sparring, Bang Chan.”

 “I’m not above anything.”

 “Lovely moral compass you have there.”

 “I wasn’t the one crying because my boyfriend would sacrifice me in a heartbeat.”

 You didn’t mean to, but you found his nose blood on your knuckles before you could give it a first thought.

 Now you were pissed.

 His eyes began to water, and he was startled, staring at you dumbfounded. He wiped his nose, the blood leaving a trail up the back of his hand. It was barely a second before he started swinging. You felt it hit your shoulder, a burst of sharp pain engulfing your shoulder.

 Dirty whore.

 You found yourself retreating, even though you had initially planned on staying on the offense. You needed a second, just one- to recuperate. But that wasn’t a privilege you had.

 You stumbled, struggling to keep a stance as the pain faded into an ache. He swung again and you slid next to him, and with both your legs you trapped one of his pulling his free arm down so he would fall. You kept pinned down, but you knew not to grow confident. He broke free of your grasp, using his leg to throw you over his shoulder. Your back hit the ground hard, but you rolled before he could keep you do. You were growing light-headed, the room beginning to spin but you went on. He had thrown you hard, and was not about to give you another chance to get him on the floor again. He hit you in the chest, propelling you back. He went in for the kill, but you countered, kicking him back and you struck him in the chest back. Taking advantage of the close proximity you tried to keep Chan in a chokehold, but he didn’t let you secure a hold on him.

 He aimed for your stomach next and then your throat, and you wheezed, but didn’t clutch your stomach as you stumbled back.

 You fell to the floor and slid between his legs, pulling one of them down and he stumbled, falling to his knees, but quickly spinning on them, and he lunged towards you again.

 Your hands flew to try and block his next punch, but it was too late. You ended up clutching his forearm as he hit you by your temple. You paced backward, straightening up, attempting to grow the space in between the two of you. He moved to close the space, and you feigned a kick, and as he moved closer to make it ineffective you turned and you pulled down his arm again, but instead of tripping him, you spun yourself up trapping his head in between your thighs. Involuntarily, he rolled, falling and following the motion of your force. You held his arm down, keeping him down between your legs. Your bad shoulder hit the floor and clenched your teeth, squeezing your eyes shut. Chan flexed and struggled to escape.

 “..9,10! ___, let go! Let go, ____, he can’t breathe!”

 Chan tapped your calves twice, and you nodded finally, unwrapping your legs from around his neck. You crawled away, limbs trembling from exhaustion. You spat blood, heaving as you clutched your throat. Your hair stuck to your face, you were a complete mess. Chan, by the looks of it, was too well off either, slumped up against the wall as Jisung cleaned up Chan’s bloody face. His eyes were closed, and his sleeveless shirt damp with sweat.

 “You’re bleeding,” Changbin said, pulling a tissue from his jacket pocket, “Wish I remembered to bring a first aid kit.”

 You threw your head up, squeezing your eyes shut as you sat in a more comfortable position. “I’m fine,” you muttered, “Don’t worry about me, okay, Binnie?” You looked back at him, and tried to give him a reassuring smile, throwing two thumbs up. “I’m peachy.”

 You turned your attention back to the two boys on the other side of the room. You stood, legs nearly giving out under you. “Chan?”

 At the sound of his name, his eyes fluttered open and Jisung backed away. Chan gave you a small dimpled smile. “I have to be honest, I didn’t expect you to win.” He straightened himself up, leaning himself up properly against the wall. He looked to the side, staring at the both of you in the mirror and chuckled to himself. He brushed the hair out of his face, “We look like hell, huh?” Chan sighed again, smoothing his shirt of creases, “Sir Hwang’s going to kill me.”

 You looked at him through the mirror, observing your kneeling position, looking into his eyes. There was a sudden weight of guilt that tagged along with his words, hiding in the letters and in between the spaces. “But tradition is tradition, right?” He looked down, and tossed his head back again. “Right, so-,”

 “You’re fine.”

 “What?”

 You stood up, tucking a loose strand of hair behind your ears. “I said you’re fine. If you don’t tell me, he can’t hurt you. We’re a team, right?”

 He smiled at you. “Of course, we’re a team.”

 Changbin guided you back to your family’s place in the estate, not that you necessarily needed him. Still, it was nice to have someone alongside you. And then, after you could no longer see him, you collapsed in your front door. You couldn’t hold yourself up any longer, you couldn’t pretend anymore.

 You crawled, crying out for your mom like a small child, like so many nights before. But as you walked into the room, lifting your head up.

 You realized you didn’t have a choice.

 There wasn’t much you could do when you found the tipped over chair in the living room except cut the rope with scissors, you tried catching the limp body before it fell, but fell with it as the chair tipped over, the back of it hitting your legs.

 You didn’t know what to do, so you dragged her to bed and tucked her in.

 It was a desperate moment as you kissed her forehead, pulling the sheets up to her neck. You wanted to weep more than anything, but you couldn’t bring yourself to. You sat at her study, staring at her for what seemed like hours, you were running again. You didn’t care who would’ve seen you, and most certainly weren’t going to stop. You let yourself in, Hyunjin was never one for knocking himself.

 He was down on the kitchen floor, the gas still clicking. You turned off the stove, cupping Hyunjin’s face. It felt like you were adolescents again. He furrowed his eyebrows and leaned into your touch, his shaking hand moving to hold yours. “C’mon,” you said softly, “Let’s go to bed, Hyunjin.” He fell into your embrace, going nearly fully limp. It took you longer than you hoped to get him to settle him into bed, he kept reaching out and insisting that you join him.

 “Come to bed, ___. Please.”

 “I have to clean you up.”

 Hyunjin wouldn’t be able to come in for several days considering the state he was in. You wish it was an exaggeration to say you had never seen Hyunjin in this bad of a state. His lip was busted, and his face entirely cut and red. He was all bruised up, wincing at the slightest of touches.

 “You gotta kiss me,” he pointed at his mouth, ”You have to kiss it to make it better.”

 “Jinnie, stop talking, you’re gonna make it worse.”

 “Will you kiss me if I stop?”

 “You’re such a dork,” you pressed your lips lightly against his, “But my dork, I guess.”

 “That wasn’t even a real kiss, it was a peck!”

 “I’m not gonna make out with you when you have a busted lip, Hyunjin.”

 “Coward. You only like me for my looks.”

 “You’re right. You’ve got me, I guess I should leave, huh?”

  He pointed his index finger, wagging it around limply in your face. “I’ve been gone one day and you get so bold, what happened to you?” You shook your head, throwing away the bloody wipes and putting away the first aid kit. “Are you gonna tell me what happened?” He reached for your hand, squeezing it. “Let’s just rest, you look like hell.”

 “Always such a gentleman, what a prince.”

 “Just for you. Now come to bed.”

 You sighed, crawling to his side. Without another word, he pulled you into his chest. Neither of you spoke for quite a while, and even though your eyes were on the clock, your body was starting to give in. Every once in a while, he would kiss the top of your head. The tensions in your muscles began to relax. Maybe you had lost your family, but at the very least you had your team. And most of all, you had Hyunjin. He had always been there for you, no matter how big or small the problem was. Things had definitely changed, even your relationship with him. You thought about the movies you would watch every once in a while. How the couple would hold hands in public places and go to coffee shops. They would fight about normal things. You wanted that, and it was silly, sure. But for some reason, that didn’t make you want it any less. You wanted matching outfits and to celebrate 100 days. You brought Hyunjin’s hand up to his chest, intertwining his fingers with yours.

 You wanted to be normal.

 You were thinking about not meeting up at the address, and maybe even skipping out on work when there was a rustling in the sheets. You felt cold, missing out on Hyunjin’s warmth. He sat away from you, head bowed and forearms resting on his thighs. You sat up, shifting your body weight and leaning to touch him when he shied away from your fingers.

 “Hyunjin-?”

 “You need to go.”

 “Why, what’s going on? Did I hurt you?”

 “Get out of my room, and stop coming to me.”

 “Hyunjin, I don’t understand-.”

 “You can’t even blame me, this isn’t my fault. It’s yours,” he paused, “Do you know how much trouble you cause. You’re not noble, ___. There is no greater good to fight for. You’re selfish.  All the shit that’s happened, it’s all you. I don’t want to be part of it anymore. It was just luck we met, I don’t even think I really like you. Even just as a person.”

 “Oh,” you slid over the opposite side, “sorry for the inconvenience. I’ll be going.”

 For a spring night, it was cold. There were no busses at this hour, and it’s not like you wanted to cry in front of a bunch of strangers anyway. You couldn’t pull yourself together. It wasn’t the fact that Hyunjin broke up with you, you weren’t stupid, his father obviously played a part in that. But he didn’t have to end it the way he did, nor did he have to say the things he said. What was the end goal here, what was the purpose of doing this?

 You got lost several times trying to find the address given to you. The people you came across were hesitant to answer the questions of a puffy-eyed and dried blood wearing stranger. It made you slightly angry, but you understood. You were just lucky that no one called the police. What explanation could you possibly give? Besides, you weren’t sure you’d want to help yourself either.

 You found yourself at the diner from a couple of days ago. The lady at the counter recognized you, and immediately bowed her head at you. To your surprise, she didn’t tell you to go away. Instead, she thanked you for helping get rid of the men and for your work in the police service. You weren’t sure why she thought that, but you didn’t question it either. It was better for her to think that instead of knowing the truth. Besides, you didn’t doubt that Sir Hwang had connections within the police force. You scanned the room finding no one you recognized, and no one that seemed like they were trying to meet you. So you just sat in a booth, unsure of what exactly you were waiting for.

 In the meantime, a waitress brought you some food. “On the house,” she said. You weren’t in any position to protest, and so you didn’t, silently thanking her for the food. You let your legs rest on the plush booth directly in front of you, silently musing at the nightlife when you felt someone slide in your booth.

 “C-?”

 He pressed a finger to his lips, signaling you to keep quiet and shook his head. He pulled out a pad of paper and started writing.

 I know you stole my files.

 Why would you say that?

 Your bag. He pointed. While you were fighting I saw the paper.

 Suppose I do have it. What are you going to do?

 I want to help. I want out.

 Who are you trying to fool?

 The question is, who are you trying to fool?

   Both of you left the diner, thanking the staff for their generosity. “Can we take a walk?” He nodded, slipping his hands into his pockets. “Didn’t you say you were going to visit Hyunjin?” You scoffed, crossing your arms and rubbing them. “I did.”

 “And something bad happened.”

 “Bad? To him, yeah. I guess you could say that. It’s not like I didn’t think something like this would ever happen.”

 “You broke up.”

 “Bingo.”

 There was a moment of silence between the two of you, and you sighed. You looked around, more out of habit than paranoia. “No one’s following us, I promise I checked.”

 “Then why didn’t you just come with me?”

 “Sneaking out is harder when you’re with anyone but yourself.”

 “Then why agree to the walk?”

 “You look like you could use a friend.”

 You knew he was particularly trained to observe people’s behavior, but it was scary and comforting at the same time to know someone was keeping an eye on your every movement. And yet, you didn’t deny him the role he wanted to play. You needed a friend, and he was willing to play one. Be one.

 You don’t know how long the fear of him turning against you will last, or if it will ever go away. And maybe it was your flaw, to be this human and succumb to this loneliness, but maybe that’s what separates you from this regime.

 Unexpectedly, you felt arms wrap around you tightly. You stumbled for a moment, and then fell into his touch. He held you for what seemed like a long time. He waited until you dropped your arms until he released you. There wasn’t another word said between the two of you, and you avoided looking back at Changbin.

 Admittedly, it was against your best judgment to return to the garden, but you wanted desperately to see the koi. The image of the apricot and pearl fish swimming in dark water kept fishing through your mind. You weren’t allowed to be up here, that much you knew, but it never quite registered in your brain. The gardens had always been your safe space, somewhere you knew that you and Hyunjin could always run to. Maybe Hyunjin was no longer here for you, but the koi still were.

 The smell of the elaborate garden was almost haunting, you could smell it long before you were up on the roof. It was always curious how you were never allowed to leave your side of the estate, but no matter how rich the Hwang family was- or was perceived to be, you’d never seen any signs of caution or security around these parts.

 Maybe it was the paranoia, maybe it was common sense- but either way, there was this undeniable, irrevocable feeling that you should run for it.

 You weren’t the most rational person, though.

 So you pressed on, finding yourself up on the roof. It was a bad night, a new moon and the stars nowhere to be seen. The clouds were dark, covering the sky in a blanket as it would just before a storm. You felt the air shift, tense.

 You could always smell the rain before a storm, and though you really couldn’t afford to get a cold- not in this state, you roamed the garden. You stilled, letting the pads of your finger caress the delicate petals of the roses. You could feel choked sobs bubbling in your throat, you wanted nothing more than to be able to cry.

 Everything changed that night.

 It took a deep breath and counting several times to ten to get you to move on from the rose bush. The path twisted and turned, it seemed to stretch out. Your eyes were drooping, burning. Every part of you hurt so bad, you wanted nothing more than to collapse right then and there. Finally, finally, you had reached your destination. Only to find a silhouette poised on the bench.  You knew better, you knew better so why did your breath hitch? Why could you feel the hair on the back of your neck rise? You knew that he knew you were there, so why did you freeze? Did you really think you could have run, that he wouldn’t have noticed you by some merciful god?

 No, god was never that kind.

 He raised his hand and motioned for you to come over. Biting the inside of your cheek, you complied, sitting next to him. You didn’t look at him, but you could feel his gaze on you, his arm stretched across the back of the bench.

 “What god do you serve, ___?”

 “None.”

   He clicked his tongue, lifting up your chin with his fingers. “Pity, such a dirty mouth. What use did Hyunjin have for you?” He gripped the sides of your jaw, “Wrong answer, dear.”

  “Enlighten me then, almighty.”

 He laughed, “Don’t get cheeky with me now, girl. The answer,” he paused, “Is me.”

 “You gave that up as soon as Hyunjin became of age, he’s the leader now. You’re rotting, just biding your time.”

 He kept a neutral face, even as he pulled your hair, “I should get rid of you, have you join your parents. Things would be much smoother, that’s for sure.”

 “High and mighty but can’t smite me down? What a lousy god you are. Why don’t you just do it?”

 Despite his experience, you watched as jaw clenched and he pulled tighter. Your legs bowed as he made you look at him. His face was red, tight with an emotion you had never seen painted on his face.  “Because I promised your dad I wouldn’t, but fuck, dead men tell no tales now do they?”

 He sighed, letting go of you to smooth his suit down and straighten his tie. He cleared his throat, looking to the koi instead of you. “Starting today you’ll be working on both my operations and Hyunjin’s, do you understand?”

 He put his hands in his pockets, turning to look at you one last time. “You’re going to work until you realize your life is not in your hands.”

 You sat at the edge of the koi pond for some time. Fingers dipping into the cold green tinted water, the pond rippled under your touch. Instead of swimming away from the motion, fearing your hand, fearing your touch, they circled around the edge. Even in the moonless night, where even the stars were in a seemingly deep slumber, the koi seemed to glow. Through the murky water, you could see the floating spectacles of coral and orange bled fish. They were beautiful, and even though the koi pond was considerably much bigger than a pond, you felt bad for them. Such beautiful animals swimming around the same cage for years, kept as decoration instead of having a life of their own.

 You couldn’t sleep. You’d much rather sit on your bed, eyes bloodshot than be plagued with nightmares. Every part of you ached or throbbed. You would take care of your wounds, you really would, but you couldn’t will yourself to move. It seemed like an eternity before the sun peeked through the blinds.

 So, until that happened, you reviewed the file you had stolen, er, borrowed. It was against your better judgment, like so many decisions you had made recently, but you pulled it all out in the open. You figured, if they bust your door open and dragged you back to that white room from last time, you’d have an excuse. How am I supposed to fulfill my duties if I’m not aware of what is going on within my team? Was it the best? No. But would it make sense? Absolutely. Even if they decided to dig deeper, which would be protocol, you’d just say you had taken it from Changbin during a meeting. There were no cameras in the conference room- how could there be? And with frequent checks for bugs planted by the feds, the entire room was a complete blind spot. So left with no way to fact check, they’d be resigned to believe you.

 You stared at the rather thin file for a while before opening it. It all seemed so normal, deceptively so. Important information all stored in a khaki paper file. What loomed more over you though, was the reality of your situation. You sighed, goosebumps covering your body and chills swimming down your back.

 Shipment scheduled to move from Eclipse Bay to Blood Bay. Security should be kept the same, and ordinary item cargo should be moved at the previously agreed on time.

 Being moved are several thousand kilos of rewind (see: previous deals).

 At 0300, Hyunjin and his team should be flown to Hong Kong for the festival. Along with Hyunjin’s established bodyguards (see: Han Jisung and Bang Chan), multiple armed men should be ordered to see the liftoff.

 Hyunjin is on his own, no interference by anyone. Observation only. Expected to win 100 billion won over the week, and multiple alliances with other families.

[2]

 Allied cops with the Hwang Family:

 Kim Wonpil

 Park Jaehyung

 Kang “Young K” Younghyun

 Park Sungjin

 Yoon Dowoon

 Hwang Yeji

 Shin Ryujin

 Lee Chaeryeong

 Shin Yuna

 Choi “Lia” Jisu

   Look into got7, this goes without being said, and connections with Kim Woojin.

[3]

 Interrogation scheduled for 0100. Lieutenant Wonpil.

 Suspected 02 of being a double, here’s the link for his file.

[4]

 New families have paid their way into the festival. Goes by the names of TXT and Monsta X, here’s the link to their file.

[5]

 Stakes are now higher. Families betting their entire estates and fortunes, along with betting valuable information, set to a series of predecided games. Winner takes all.

[6]

 Bugs planted by the feds have been found in these locations. Watch the sensitivity of your issues. They have not been taken out. Doubles have been found applying to the company. Order to observe all workers, you’ve been assigned to the twelveth and thirteenth floor. Rewards to be discussed.

 Granted, there weren’t many things written in the email transcripts. But the importance lied in the things that were indeed, not written. You scribbled noted all over the copy, the original text almost omitted from view. It didn’t matter though, all the information imprinted onto your memory. You knew that there were a lot of blanks that needed to be filled in yet, and that meant asking Changbin to fill in the gaps. There was an air of anxiety around that, but even without the information that could be given, this was a start.

 And what a hell of a start it was.

 You decided, in those couple of hours before dawn pulled and scratched itself up into the sky, making it bleed blue, that your first two steps would be to find out all you could about the corrupt cops and specifically, especially, Kim Wonpil.

 You stretched out, your back cracking in all sorts of different places. You groaned, heaving your dense and getting denser body from your bed. It was hours before you were scheduled to show up at the Main Entrance for work, but you needed something to occupy your mind. Sitting and staring at the ceiling until your alarm snapped you out of your trance didn’t really fulfill that purpose.

 Your wound was getting worse, obviously so. Your eyebrows furrowed in the mirror, a look of pain and displeasure slapped across your face. You pulled out your first aid kit, which was really so much more, and got started.

 It was ghastly. Tears brimming in your eyes as you cleaned the wound with alcohol. You were clenching your teeth, letting out strangled groans and gasps. And the worst part wasn’t even over yet. Your shaking fingers meant that it was a while before the thread finally slipped through the eye of the needle. Your vision was growing black as you tried to stitch the gaping wound. Legs bowing and falling over the sink, you toppled down to the ground. The needle pierced the palm of your hand, a thin stream of blood coming down your arm. You sighed, the cool tile of the floor and the sharp pain in your back bringing you back to your senses.

 You were almost glad you were alone, so that no one could hear your almost inhuman cries. Almost. You felt alone, so, so alone. The inside of your cheek was beginning to bleed, and that’s when your teeth let go of the tender meat. If there was any time to cry, it would be now. But you couldn’t let yourself, no matter how much your body begged you. Your brain wouldn’t. You clutched the edge of the sink, now stained with messy prints of your palms. You heard your alarm go off, and you weren’t even halfway done with your stitches. You finished the third loop before cutting the thread.

 Man, you looked like shit.

 The shower was quick, more to fulfill the morning routine than to actually make an effort to get clean. You were angry at yourself, thinking you should’ve pushed yourself harder, but you just couldn’t. Your hair was wet, barely free of all the knots and still dripping onto your blouse. Your state was deteriorating, and you didn’t know how to redeem yourself.

 At the very least, you were the first one to arrive at the Main Entrance. If one didn’t think there was a need to be competitive, even about the smallest things, they’d be wrong. Your fingers threaded through your hair, a shallow attempt to make sure that there were no remaining knots.

 To your surprise, Hyunjin was the second to arrive. He looked great, perfect even, not at all in the state you found him in last night. He kept his hands in his pockets, only moving from his position to check the time in his expensive watch. He didn’t shy away from your gaze, either.

 “Problem, ___? Please refrain from gawking at your superior like that.”

 A wave of annoyance splashed across your face, one that couldn’t help. You knew he noticed when he smiled at you. “I said, is there a problem, ____? I asked you a question.”

 “No, Hyunjin. No problem. Sorry.”

 “Sir.”

 “No, sir. Sorry, sir.”

 It felt so foreign to you, like you were haphazardly dropped into an alternate dimension. If it had been anyone else, you would’ve snapped entirely. But before Hyunjin, you seemed to sink into the ground. The back of your high heels pinching the skin around your ankle, your feet pressing into the uncomfortable sole of the shoes. The rest of your team arrived shortly after, but instead of being lead to the van, Hyunjin stayed where he was.

 Everyone stood around him, anticipating what was to come next. Hyunjin smoothed his hair, turning sideways and smiled.

 “It is my pleasure to announce that all of you, save one, have completed your individual missions to an astonishing degree, more than what was asked of you.”

   Your feet grew heavier, and you held your arms behind your back. Interlacing your fingers, you tried to self soothe. Usually, whenever you would tell Hyunjin about something stressful, he would always hold your hand. You kept your gaze level, refusing to look around even in your confusion. Your stare fell upon Hyunjin again, and he reached in the inside of his suit jacket.

 “Consider this a thanks from the Hwangs to you. To District Nine!”

 “To District Nine!”

 He gave all of the team members, excluding you, keys. Car keys. Luxury car keys. And you thought, you really thought that they’d be above this type of encouragement. They all chattered happily, jangling the keys and pointing at the logo embroidered on the black keys. You stood in the circle, albeit somewhat on the outskirts, and found your eyes falling upon Hyunjin again.

 He just smiled at you.

 And you decided, in that moment, that this was so much worse than his father’s signature neutral face.

 Hyunjin cleared his throat, and silence fell upon the boys. “I hope you find the car suits your tastes well. We have another meeting with Stray Kids today. Please prepare accordingly. In your cars, you’ll find another gift. Don’t worry about parking, you have your own spots.”

 He waved his hand, a gesture fit to dismiss the boys but you spoke up, earning a nervous glance from the boys.

 “And what about me?”

 “What about you?”

 “How am I expected to get to work?”

 “You’re a smart girl, ___. Aren’t you? If that’s too much to be expected of you, maybe one of your fellow team members would have enough pity to offer you a ride.”

 You bit the inside of your cheek again, feeling bits of metallic liquid seep into your mouth. “Of course, sir.”

   You just short of hissed the last word, and ignored Changbin’s calls after you as you walked out. You weren’t sure how it would be seen to prefer to arrive late rather than accept help, if it was petty or strong. But either way, you were still on a crowded bus to Central.

 You thought about the koi stop after stop, as people flooded the bus. It comforted you, somehow, thinking back to the bright orange fish in the murky water- how they circled around the rippling water. You felt someone bump into you, interrupting your mental image of the elegant fish but ignored it. You didn’t want to deal with this today, you didn’t want to make a scene. You were just so tired. So, so tired.

 You got off the bus the next stop, even if it was nearly a mile away from the building. The streets were busy, and as self-conscious as you were about walking bare feet for almost a mile, the blisters on your achilles’ heel couldn’t take it.

 You stared at the sidewalk even as you heard people whisper and stare at your feet. Your feet were dirty as you reached the doors of Hwang Headquarters. You walked quickly into the nearest elevator, almost forgetting that there was no ladies’ bathroom on this floor. It hadn’t helped that there was a light morning shower as you were walking here, and your wet clothes and the distinct smell of rain on you didn’t go unnoticed. As you reached your floor, the elevator had thankfully grown empty.

 With your wet hair stuck glued to your face, blouse sticking to your chest, and blackened feet, you stepped onto the floor. You went immediately to the bathroom, glad for once that you were the only female employee on this floor. You cleaned your feet, sitting less than gracefully on the sink counter.

 Man, you really did look like shit.

 You washed your hands quickly, the soap stinging the flesh your needle had pierced.

 “You’re late. Everyone’s already in the conference room.”

   You decided not to let Hyunjin get the best of you. Or maybe you were too tired, too exhausted to snap back. Still, you were never better to let a smark remark slip past.

 “Aw, look at the new secretary. Does that mean I’m the C.E.O now? About time, if you ask me.”

 You walked past him, and moved your hair out of your face. What you were doing was bigger than him, bigger than everybody in the room. You scolded yourself, you couldn’t let him get to you like that.

 You were across Jeongin again, he tilted his head slightly, asking you a question without words. You waved it away with your hand and shrugged. You could talk about it later.

 “Is there a reason you need to move up the meeting? We had one scheduled just hours later today.”

 “No, I just felt like being an asshole and calling you in earlier for the hell of it. It’s not like either of us have better things to do.”

 “Wouldn’t put it past you, Hwang. Could this have anything to do, by chance, with our alliance with GOT7?”

 Bang Chan sat up straight in his chair, hands folding over his lap. Hyunjin ignored the movement, spinning his pen around his fingers. This lasted for a few moments. “Always so efficient with time, Woojin.” He straightened, pulling his feet off the table, and put the pen in his pocket, all in one swift movement. You raised an eyebrow at the sudden use of first names. “You know, as part of our protection over you, we requested to know about all of your alliances.”

 “Protection? Is that what you call it, Hwang? Does your team not know about the things we’ve discussed? Pity. You’re more disorganized than your father.”

 “Oh, what we discussed? There are no secrets between my team and I, Woojin. Which is more than you can say.”

 Hyunjin walked to the other side of the long table, more leisurely than you thought a person could walk. His steps were slow and deliberate, and you watched intently. He placed a tape recorder in front of Woojin, pointer finger hovering over the play button. He whispered something lowly in Woojin’s ear and then turned to face everyone, a sweet smile plastered on his lips.

 “You wouldn’t want them to hear about that, would you?”

 “No, I wouldn’t. But you know what the feds would love to know? That their trusted Kim Wonpil is providing information about the investigation being held on you. Could you imagine the scandal? The media?”

 Hyunjin laughed, his hands slamming on Woojin’s shoulder. “Is this a game you want to play? Are you confident in the moves you are making?”

 “Does a fish swim, Hwang? But that’s not what we’re here to do. Your ego is suffocating everyone and everything, you’re no different than your father. Let’s get to the point shall we?”

 “Go ahead, Woojin. Fill in the blanks.”

 “GOT7 is up and coming, you know that, I know that. The best way to dismantle their current system is by alliance and infiltration, there are no losses here. They’re in no place to refuse.”

 “Then why not disclose that information?”

 “It wasn’t finalized at the time.”

 “Do you really expect me to believe that?”

 “I do. Especially if you want an alliance, and more so with the upcoming festival. You’re in no place to refuse.”

 Woojin stood up and smoothed his suit sleeves, ridding the luxury clothing of any wrinkles. He was almost imitating Hyunjin’s gestures, who was watching him amused back from his end of the table.

 “Seungmin, open the presentation. Minho, please distribute the files.”

 The rest of the meeting went until lunchtime, and you couldn’t bring yourself to be interested in financial talk. You wanted to contribute something, anything, but you were beginning to doze off. Your attention span was decreasing exponentially, and even as determined as you were to stay awake, your body was beginning to shut down.

 It was paused, briefly, giving everyone two hours for lunch. And you couldn’t be more thankful.

 “Let’s get coffee, Jeongin. Please.”

 For some reason, you had expected him to object. You didn’t even want to discuss your plans, you didn’t want to plan a huge dismantling of a system that went as far back as history could tell. You just wanted a friend. You just wanted to talk.

 “You seriously look like shit, ___.”

 “Hey!”

 “I’m sorry, and I mean that in the kindest way. You need some sleep. Maybe a couple of centuries.”

 “Justice never sleeps, Jeongin.”

 “Okay, Batman. I’ll go get us coffee and meet you in the park. Don’t run off into the night.”

 “I feel like you just want me to get out of your car.”

 “I do. Get out of my fucking car.”

   There was something about spring afternoons that you had never really noticed before. Was it risky to be here? Of course, it was. What part of your life wasn’t full of risk? But you didn’t want to think about that, you wanted to think about spring. The fresh breeze softened even as rose into the clear sky’s view. It felt good, calm. The older wood of the park bench pressed into the base of your neck as your head fell back against the top. It wasn’t long before you found tears escaping your eyes.

 “Jeongin.”

 “___.”

 “It’s good to see you.”

 He smiled and snorted, sitting next to you and handing you a warm coffee cup. He held his own cup in between his thighs, both hands resting on the lid as he looked up into the night sky. “How have you been doing?”

 “Shitty.”

 “What happened?”

 You found yourself jumbling your own words. Cutting off sentences short and running to a different topic as if you would run out of time or he would cut you off. “...things just haven’t been the same with Hyunjin since he got, er, promoted?”

 “Wow,” he said finally, “That fucking sucks.”

 You shrugged, suddenly embarrassed as you felt your face go hot. You hadn’t meant to tell him such personal things. You looked down, taking a sip of the latte. But to your surprise, Jeongin did the same.

 “Woojin doesn’t trust me,” he commented, “I mean, I get that he’s trying to protect me but I hate feeling coddled you know? I think he feels bad about the night at the warehouse, but it’s not like I’m mad about it.” He shrugged, and his voice trailed off before picking up in volume. “I’ve seen them kill people. It hasn’t even been that long and I’ve watched them do it. I’ve even helped-”

 “Jeongin!” Your hand clamped over his mouth as you looked around frantically. “Not here, never here.”

 His eyes widened, and he took a sip of his coffee cup.

 You sat in silence for a few minutes, just enjoying the breeze and petrichor. “You should eat,” Jeongin stretched out his legs, “We can stay here for a while, but we’re going to a restaurant soon.”

 “I thought you wanted me out of your car?”

 “Charity for the poor. I’m a generous man.”

 “Man? With that squeaky voice?”

 “My voice causes earthquakes, fool. Get in the car before I leave you here.”

 “You’re so mean to me,” you faked sobbing loudly, earning estranged looks from passerbys, “And I treat you with such kindness.”

 “Get up, dumbass. People are staring. I swear to god-”

 “Alright, alright. I’m going. I need the ringing in my ears to stop.”

 “God fills me with enough power to purge you.”

 “Oh, no. I’m so scared. Someone, please. Help me. Mickey Mouse is coming for me.”

 “Get in the car before I drag you!”

   Jeongin kept raising the volume of the music every time you tried to talk to him, a playful smile on his face. Less than ten minutes later, the car stopped in front of a lush restaurant. You felt almost out of place being here. Even though you were always surrounded and exposed to signs of wealth, the exaggeration of it all never seemed to stop amazing you.

 “Isn’t this a place a little...much?”

 Jeongin shrugged, “I doubt this is going to cause a financial concern for Woojin. Besides, this is the only buffet I know that has high-quality food.”

 “We could’ve just gone to a diner.”

 “Live a little. You deserve it.”

 Those words swam in your mind for a bit, repeating themselves like a broken record. You and Jeongin talked and talked. About everything and nothing in particular. And for a while, both of you forgot about your life outside the restaurant. You forgot about responsibilities, even your paranoia, your hypervigilance was kept in the back of your mind. For now, you could pretend that everything was okay. Because that’s how it felt.

 Your stomach was full, and you had long stopped counting plates by now. Jeongin was no better, still going on even after you slumped over in your chair.

 “You’re a coward.”

 “Oh fuck off, Jeongin. My stomach feels like it’s gonna pop.”

 “I said what I said.”

 You groaned, clutching your stomach. “I don’t even know why we made this a competition. Jeongin. Jeongin. I think I’m going to die.”

 “Shut up. I’m almost done, we’ll go soon.”

 You hid your face in between your hands, and started to fake cry again, just as loud as last time. “Quit it, dumbass.”

 Your crying got louder, your shoulders shaking as he kicked you under the table. “Oh fuck-!”

 “If it were not for the laws of this land, I would’ve slaughtered you. Let’s go. I paid while you made a scene.”

 “I love you.”

 “I despise you with every inch of my being.”

   The rest of the day went on without anything memorable happening. You were feeling better, much more energetic and happy. You knew you’d have to meet Jeongin later that day to discuss what was actually going on, but for now, you didn’t want to think about that. For at least a couple hours of the remaining day, you could pretend all you did was work a nine-to-five job. You could pretend that all you did was have lunch with a co-worker.

 For now, you could just pretend.

   “Hey, I’m Felix.”

 You looked up from your computer, tilting your head and looking up at him quizzically. “Hey, Felix. Can I help you with something?”

 “Uh, well not really. I just never talked to you, and I figured I should introduce myself. Personally.”

 “Okay, well, I’m ___. What do I owe the pleasure of this meeting?”

 “Boredom. Listen, can I ask you something?”

 “Ah, there it is.”

 “No, no! It’s not like that! Look,” he sighed, “I’m friends with everyone here but you. I just wanted to know if you wanted to get coffee sometime.”

 “That’s it?”

 “That’s it.”

 You watched the freckled boy carefully. “Oops, looks like I overstayed my welcome,” he looked quickly to Hyunjin’s office, wearing a playful smile, “I’ll take you up on that coffee soon! I’ve been told I can be very insistent.”

 “I can imagine. We can go for lunch tomorrow?”

   “Can’t wait.”

 You’re unsure of any of the between the lines implications, if there were any. But really, wasn’t there always? It was naive to think there were any purely good-hearted people in this setting.

 But for now, you could pretend.

 Woojin and his team left a bit later, Jeongin gave you a polite head nod as he walked past your desk and Felix gave you a warm smile, waving brightly. You waved back, unsure of what else to do in that situation. It’s not like you’d had much practice, anyway.

 Hyunjin left after all the common employees, but before you. You watched him bluntly, but he paid you no mind. You wondered if he had been listening into you and Felix’s short interaction. It was the kind of wondering that you were sure you’d never get much closure for, but it kept your mind busy as you made schedules and faxed papers. You missed him, you concluded. It was weird, not being able to talk to him and having his warmth. That was the thing about all types of relationships, wasn’t it? You’ll never really find another person like that. Maybe that was the point, in order not to go through the same pain. But you still loved him, and you knew that only time and patience could heal this kind of hurt. But you did, that was the truth. For today at least. Today, it was today’s truth. Maybe tomorrow’s will be different. There was really no way to know except to get there.

 You thought about a million little small things, how soft his hair was or the little beauty mark below his eye. You thought about the way he smiled and how he always clapped when he laughed. And then you thought about your dad, and then your mom. And your heart ached in a way it had never. This was a different kind of hurt. You wiped your teary eyes, and throughout the stained paper. What good did this pain do? All it had done was ruin a spreadsheet, and now you had to print another one.

 You wanted to stay in late, you really didn’t want to go back to the estate. You had no idea what Sir Hwang had in store for you, but you knew that it would be no good. There was nothing you could do to prepare, you didn’t know what to expect. That much power, yes, he did have over you.

 And you were right, you had no idea.

 Going to the main building for purposes other than given orders was prohibited. Mostly because no one liked unwarranted visitors, but you supposed that you had an excuse. A half hour passed, and then an hour came and went, and you gave up. Your feet hurt, and you needed a good shower. If Sir needed you, then surely, he could come get you himself.

 Night came and the sky deepened, and you started to relax. Maybe it was unlikely that he would have forgotten, but he was a busy man after all. Plus, doing and managing illicit activities was tiring, he could just need rest. Maybe you were off for the night, just for today.

 After a long shower and eating a subpar dinner, you passed out on the couch. You hadn’t meant to, really, you just wanted to rest your eyes. You were really nothing but human in the error of your ways.

 But your rest was plagued with nightmares, and Sir was the rat that spread disease. You were on the living room couch, sitting upright and before you were your parents. And Sir. He sat in the middle, on a simple black chair. Your father began to bleed from his head and torso, but he did not move, his expression blanker than a sheet of paper. Your mother sat too, in the same way, a noose around her neck and the tail of the rope sitting curled on her lap. You too, began to bleed. But from where, you could not tell. Your hands held a mess of blood, and with your vision hazy, you looked up at Sir. And he smiled.

 You woke up then. Not screaming, not thrashing. You just sat up. Your mouth was unbelievably parched, a jackhammer heart pounding into your chest, you were sure your chest was going to crumble into pieces. You felt so, so hot. You pulled at the collar of your sweater that stuck to your body like you had run through the rain. You pushed yourself up, pressing hard on your numb leg as the static pins and needles seemed to prick your leg. It was late, and you knew you had to meet Jeongin soon. You had to go over all the new information you both had, but you hadn’t done it earlier.

 You were annoyed at yourself, changing out of your sweaty clothes into similar sweats. You bit the inside of your cheek, already sore from your previous assaults. Instead, you resigned to bite your lip, which probably wasn’t much better, but at least it gave time for your cheek to heal. It didn’t take you much time to get back to the abandoned cafe. Well, abandoned was no longer the right term, it seemed. Construction tape and a new name that hung upon the storefront. You were early, so it was no surprise that Jeongin hadn’t arrived yet.

 But your stomach grew more and more upset as more time passed. The file you had hidden away in the inside of your shirt would begin to crease, and it probably wouldn’t smell too great either. Realistically, you knew that a lot of things could’ve happened. Maybe he had just overslept, and wouldn’t be coming at all. Maybe he was caught sneaking out, or maybe he had just forgotten. All of those things could’ve happened before the worst of the worst- and you weren’t even sure what that would be. Still, something from the depth of your stomach crawled and clawed. You felt dread, anticipating what couldn’t be anticipated.

 “Sorry, I overslept. I’m so tired.”

 You sighed a breath of relief, laughing at yourself. You relaxed, tensions unraveling themselves in your back and in your chest. There Jeongin was, cheerily holding up to coffee cups. “I got coffee, it’s different this time though. It’s-.”

 He was interrupted by a loud bang, and the cups toppled to the ground. A mess of green foamy liquid stroked the air like a paintbrush, and then splattered onto the ground. Jeongin was on his knees, holding his chest.

 You ran towards him, holding his anguished face before you noticed the man behind him.

 You don’t know what took over you, whether it was a moment of self-realization, or anger that had consumed you like no other. His face was becoming unrecognizable, a bloody pulp and yet, you couldn’t stop. You kept going, your vision hazy and breath labored. Was it you? Were you really doing this? You wiped your face, only to make it more messy, more bloody. The blood on your hands, quite literally, wasn’t yours. It didn’t matter that it wasn’t you, that you were impulsive. What mattered is that you wanted him fucking dead. In that moment, he deserved it, and to you, that was your gospel truth. Written in scrolls and tattooed on your back. You didn’t need to play god to kill someone, you could be Cain for that.

 “You’re gonna fucking kill him, ___, stop! Stop!”

 “He’s not dead! ___, he has a pulse! Fucking stop!”

 You could feel them grabbing at you and you felt animalistic, kicking and screaming. Were you crying? You don’t recall, but your face was wet. You didn’t even know who he was anymore as they pulled you away. You thrashed like an animal caught in a net as all the members of your team worked to drag you away. You couldn’t see straight, abstract figures of color swirling around you. Struggling to calm down, your breath was erratic, palpitations so strong you felt as if you were going to throw up. You were positioned against a wall, poised like a doll. Sweaty, lips chapped, hair sticking to your face, and decorated in blood like you’d just won the hunger games.

 Shit. Shit!

 You woke up in a room you had never seen before. Stark white walls and a lone painting of the Hwang family in the center of the wall before you. You heard movement and swiveled your head to the right, finding Sir Hwang standing straight from his leaned position in the doorframe. His hand pushed the door lever, he was on his way out as he paused, turning to face you. With a satisfied smile, he looked down at you,

  “I knew you had it in you.”

[ask-shakespearehigh]

Q&A post with the Mods!!!!

This is going to be a long one oh boy

How strict is the delineation of creative control vis-a-vis characters/plays between the mods? (@pedanticlecturer)

We generally have the plays split up along lines of “what we know”— we have a list at the very beginning of the blog. Sometimes we’ll draw the others’ characters (mostly me drawing some of Star’s…) but even then the final say on characterization is up to the “main” mod for that play — mod aster

what aster said -- mod star

What is your favorite play? What is your favorite character in terms of how they were written in the source material? (@pedanticlecturer)

I think my favorite play overall is Macbeth, just because I like the vibes (and the fact that I too could kill Macbeth), the fact that you don’t say it’s name in theatres, and the fact that it’s a play I did a full read through and analysis of in class. Favorite character? Puck from Midsummer. — mod aster

uhhhh,, hmm. ive always had a soft spot for midsummer since i saw it with aster esp bc of how fun the costumes were. of the comedies it has the largest potential to be the most visually pleasing bc of the concept of fairies,,,and im gay and dramatic so i love that. id die if i got to costume design for midsummer,,,or be in it,,,yeah. fav character. hmm. probably mercutio?? i recently saw a version of romeo and juliet where mercutio was played by a woman and oh my god it was amazing!!! not to mention mercutio’s portrayal in baz luhrmann's INCREDIBLE version of r n j!!! (I based my mercutio design on him) he just spends the entire time making dick jokes. love that. -- mod star

How do you answer asks so fast? I mean it's great but I'm impressed 😂 (Anon)

Personally, it’s a mix of: notifications on, quick drawing speed, and using the blog to avoid my class work — mod aster

aster is fast and (as you can see from all of my answers) im lazey -- mod star

Are there any elements/characters of the plays you're covering that you would have liked to work into this blog's plot, but couldn't due to the constraints of the setting or the synthetic nature of the blog? (@pedanticlecturer)

I wanted to make everyone gay but unfortunately due to plot constraints we have to have some hets but that wont stop me from making it lgbt as possible. -- mod star

I did want to make The Tempest more of a central play, but it just didn’t translate well. Similarly, other supernatural elements like the witches in Macbeth. This isn’t so much a constraint mentioned, but my own time/energy means that I want to show the Macbeth backstory, in a specific format, but I can’t right now— mod aster

Is there a hierarchy of import when it comes to each play's individualized impact on shakespeare high's general arc? If so, what plays are crucial to the foundation of the story? Which ones did you do mostly for shits and giggles? (@pedanticlecturer)

This is phrased like an ACT question and i might not answer it right so sorry in advance but: mod aster and i only selected a few plays for each of us to do given we dont know all of shakespeare’s works, but we tend to put more emphasis on the the more well known. But it also comes down to 1. How much we have plotted out for each play and 2. What the followers ask about most. Our two most popular are hamlet and macbeth bc people are familiar w those but around march caesar always becomes relevant again. I didnt even have designs for some of the characters until someone asked about them. -- mod star

I would say the same as star— it generally comes down to what people ask about. I will say that the overall plot is sort of separated into “has happened” and “is happening”. Like, the human potion of Midsummer, Julius Caesar, and Macbeth are all in the “aftermath” portion, while Twelfth Night, Hamlet, and Romeo and Juliet, among others, are happening. We’re trying to incorporate as much as we can, and I don’t think any of them were really put in without some thought.— mod aster

What personal significance does shakespeare hold in ur guys' lives? (@pedanticlecturer)

I go to a theater school rn and so ive dealt w shakespeare (although not all of them) it also helps that i was in loves labours lost last year as moth and that i read hamlet and r n j. Theres also a theater in my state that always does One Big Shakespeare per season and they always do them super well!!! My love for shakespeare probably started w seeing midsummer at that theater w mod aster!!! So. Theater kid rights!! -- mod star

To be honest, I got back into Shakespeare Because of the blog. I’ve been friends with some people that got really Pretentious about Shakespeare, and it kinda put me off of it. I did have a book of abridged plays (the plays’ plots written out in prose, basically) that I read as a kid, which is what got me into not only the plots of a lot of the plays, but also the idea of having them illustrated. And, same as star, the theater in state does the One Big Shakespeare— and they tend to do some really cool things with the costumes, setting them in diff time periods. I haven’t been able to see any lately since I’ve moved, but they still slap. — mod aster

🥰😘💙🥰🥰💜💟🥰I 😍💗💚😍😍LOVE🖤🖤 YALL ♥️♥️🧡💛💚💝❣️💕💘💖💗💓💞💝❤️💛💜 okay now i have a question i swear— how long have the two of you been doing art??? and what were your first shakespeare plays??? (@hellaghosts)

Uhh i started drawing when i was like idk 12 and i have the giant boxes of sketchbooks to prove it!!! I moved to digital art at abt 14-15 but mostly stayed traditional until this yr when i got a Neat New Tablet so some of my sketchbooks are sitting abandoned rip. My first shakespeare was either romeo and juliet or midsummer nights dream and i love both of them v much!!! I have a very old piece of art that i did for r n j for my freshman class assignment on it and it hasnt aged well alsdjfjafd circa 2016 i think??? -- mod star

Oh man. I started drawing when I was about 10, but it was Bad. I don’t think I got much into drawing again until I was about 14? Sometime around the end of middle school/beginning of high school. I would say I started getting into drawing as more than doodling/coloring edits sometime around 2015-16? I would draw on my iPad with my finger, then I got a tablet for my computer, and now I pretty much stick to my iPad with an Apple Pencil. My first Shakespeare play was….. uh…… probably Midsummer???? I have No idea. We would go to plays when I was little, so I honestly don’t remember if I saw others before. It may have been Romeo and Juliet— I had that book where it was the original and the “modernized” with the little dog that explained things— which, if you know it makes sense, but if you don’t is probably a bonkers answer. — mod aster

Do you think this blog has like? An overarching thesis (be it b/c intentionally or simply b/c ur own take on the world has bled thru to the point where u believe it’s central to the piece at this point)? (@pedanticlecturer)

Not gonna lie, I had to read that like three times AND dm you to figure out what you were asking from us and all I have is “be gay, respect women, write your own happy endings”. — mod aster

This blog started with an ides of march shitpost and you think we have enough brain energy to write a whole thesis? I projected feelings of found family onto my half of the blog but idk if that counts. Be gay do crime 420 69 -- mod star

What’s the nature/rough dynamic of ur relationship? How do y’all know each other? (@pedanticlecturer)

Met mod aster when i was like 4 and even tho we didnt live close we became like, best friends although the Best part didnt start until we were like 13-ish and eventually we talked like non stop (about anime and homestuck. Yknow. 13 year old kid things) and we didnt see each other a lot bc of Distance and now its even worse bc aster is in colleg.,e but we consider each other siblings regardless of family bc we’re adopted into our own respective families so that bled over into our friendship and it would feel weird calling him anything other than my brother now. We’ve seen each other at our best and worst and if you really want a good insight on what we’re like as siblings watch griffin and justin mcelroy’s overview video of catlateral damage wherein i am griffin and he is the long suffering justin. -- mod star

Star is basically my long distance sibling and functionally the only cousin I recognize bc like their parents are basically an aunt and uncle and like our dads look enough alike that we’ve both accidentally gotten the wrong dad for a hug or similar so like. Anyways yeah Star is the Griffin to my Justin, complete with our absent middle brother who we love dearly— mod aster

Dubiously relevant q but what kind of music do y’all listen to when u do art (if that is indeed a habit either of u partake in) (@pedanticlecturer)

It can depend on the piece? I was working on some (unrelated) oc prints that were song-focused, and for those I just listened to said song on loop. Sometimes I have playlists. Sometimes I’ll just be in a Mood and throw a song on loop. But a lot of time for the blog, I’ll listen to The Adventure Zone for the billionth time, because I have Too Much Attention. I’ve also, on request from Star, linked the most recent “loop song”.— mod aster

I tend to obsess over the same like 3 songs every few weeks so those get listened to on repeat but it also depends on the tone of what im drawing or who im drawing i might genre switch bc of that. If im drawing ophelia i stick to lana del rey and if im drawing hamlet its the neighborhood, horatio is sufjan stevens etc. i have categorized,. Most of the characters i draw into different songs/genres/energies of music but not like i ever follow that. Sometimes i just pull up a really long nonsense video and forget to draw. Essentially: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ -- mod star

How’d y’all come up with ur pseudonyms? (@pedanticlecturer)

I love space so much and my main blog is starryeydsailor space gay rights!! Im also tiny and full of energy and bright so basically i;m star -- mod star

Uhhhh i was like “hey i want to do uhhhhhh flower?” And then I google searched flower names until I found one I liked —- mod aster

How did you end up deciding the rough timeline of events in canon? (@pedanticlecturer)

It’s mostly determined by like. How we choose per story? If that makes sense. Like, we just take story by story, and decide “is it happening, has it happened, and when?” And then we fit them together in relation to each other just by dint of. All existing at once. Like, I knew I wanted Macbeth to be in aftermath, because like, even though there’s no murder, the way I’ve translated it to the AU is still kinda heavy, and it’s something that I don’t know that I could do properly if it were happening right now. Also, it’s more interesting IMO to have them at different times. Tl;dr we wing it per story and slot them together— mod aster (mod star agrees I just can word better, in theory)

If you could tell the story of shakespeare high in a different format than an ask blog, would you? Obviously y'all are making very good use of the format, but would you want to write this as a animated series or like? a comic book? or is the form inseparable from the story? (@pedanticlecturer)

I kinda wanted to do a webcomic or maybe to plot develop through like, animatics but the element of surprise comes from the asks we get and really makes us think so the blog is a good start. We didnt think we’d get this far -- mod star

Pretty much what Star said— there are certain elements where it’d be neat to do as a comic or as an animatic. Like, the fantasy dream is like, an anthology webcomic of each story, where you can like, see other characters in the background and stuff. But to be honest, we develop a lot by what we’re asked— there was a post about developing worldbuilding by being asked questions and then pretending you’ve thought about the answer, and it’s not far off. Personally, it’s hard to just lay out a story, because I have a whole WORLD and what’s relevant? What are people interested in? It’s by getting questions that I can then focus in on an area to develop. And yeah, we Super didn’t think we’d get this far lmao — mod aster

Any headcanons about your characters that you don't think will ever come up on the blog through asks or plot posts? (@pedanticlecturer)

I could make a whole separate post for this!!!!! Mostly its voice headcanons (and by mostly i mean like 1 or 2) or relationship hcs!!!! -- mod star

Honestly same. I don’t think I have voice headcanons for mine, though I bet I could find some. I’ve got a bunch of miscellaneous headcanons that just kinda float around, but like they’re scattered, too numerous for this post, and also not always things I’m sure are canon yet.— mod aster

[dweemeister]

South Pacific (1958)

With the 1955 movie adaptation of Richard Rodgers and Oscar Hammerstein II’s Oklahoma! proving to be a popular success a roadshow attraction, producers at the other Rodgers and Hammerstein Broadway musicals began laying the groundwork for cinematic versions. Oklahoma! was released by RKO, but the three R&H adaptations to follow were housed at 20th Century Fox. Within Fox’s domain, South Pacific followed Carousel (1956) and The King and I (1956). The stage musical South Pacific was based on a short story collection by James A. Michener entitled Tales of the South Pacific – the winner of the 1947 Pulitzer Prize for Fiction. In taking Michener’s work as inspiration, R&H implemented themes of racial prejudice that might have seemed groundbreaking upon the Broadway premiere in 1949 and the film’s late ‘50s release, but has become less norm-breaking in retrospect. Similar issues also affect The King and I. But when it comes to the theatrical releases, the craftwork and acting has assured The King and I’s place as one of the best Hollywood musicals. Shot on location in Hawai’i, South Pacific is an enormous production, but it contains less cinematic intrigue than other R&H adaptations.

Much of that is down to director Joshua Logan – experienced on the Broadway stage (the original runs for Annie Get Your Gun and Mister Roberts) not so much with movies (1955′s Picnic, 1956′s Bus Stop). Logan directed the original run for South Pacific for its five-year stay on the Great White Way. But the skillset for a successful stage director is not necessarily compatible with that of a film director’s. For example, when The Sound of Music first appeared on Broadway, it was not as universally acclaimed by audiences and theater critics. With its immortal 1965 adaptation under veteran film director Robert Wise, The Sound of Music surpassed its stagebound source material by embracing the Alpine scenery surrounding it, stretching images that makes possible what a Broadway audience might imagine.

Somewhere in South Pacific during World War II, the United States Navy and its Seabees are stationed, waiting for their next assignment. Aside from the usual tropical maladies, the most infectious affliction among the men is boredom. After an early song in which a local trader, Bloody Mary (Juanita Hall in yellowface; singing dubbed by Muriel Smith), describes the sexual mysteries of a nearby, forbidden island called Bali Ha’i, a few of the men find themselves aroused by the thought of easygoing dames. It is from here South Pacific establishes two storylines. The first centers around the love affair of Ensign Nellie Forbush (Mitzi Gaynor, the only major actor to do her own singing; her character is a nurse) and Emile de Becque (Rossano Brazzi; dubbed by Giorgio Tozzi) – a wealthy expat French planter with a guarded past – a past simultaneously hidden by time and in plain sight. The other subplot does not truly integrate itself until the second half, when Lieutenant Joseph Cable (John Kerr; dubbed by Bill Lee) visits Bali Ha’i and falls for Liat (France Nuyen).

Other significant characters include Luther Billis (Ray Walston), Captain George Brackett (Russ Brown), Commander Bill Harbison (Floyd Simmons), the Professor (Jack Mullaney), and Stewpot (Ken Clark; dubbed by the inimitable Thurl Ravenscroft). Elizabeth Taylor was considered by the producers for the role of Nellie, but, during her audition, she was so intimidated by Richard Rodgers that she could barely sing. It matters not, though, because Mitzi Gaynor’s performance is tremendous. Juanita Hall, as Bloody Mary, is the only original Broadway cast member to reprise her role.

Melodrama reigns. And melodrama, when paired with excellent filmmaking, can pack emotional wallops for even the steel-hearted viewers. Excellent filmmaking is not present here; far from it! The first appearance of major faults comes with Bloody Mary’s introduction, the song “Bali Ha’i”. Do not adjust the color configurations of whatever device you are reading this piece on – those saturated Technicolor filters blanketing the screen are present during many of the musical numbers and most dramatic scenes. During the film’s post-production, director Joshua Logan was concerned about how the rapid weather changes might appear in theaters. To mitigate that, Logan shot those aforementioned parts of the film through color filters – unintentionally mimicking the effects of mood lighting one might see on a stage play. Logan disliked the decision after seeing the final print, believing that the film processing lab saturated the colors to extremes. He requested reshoots but, because of South Pacific’s roadshow release schedule in which theater bookings were finalized months in advance, those never occurred. Logan reflected that the filters were the worst mistake of his filmmaking career, and I concur. Where these color tricks might work on stage, film is a different beast. As South Pacific is not a silent film, viewers do not expect tinting to that extent. Often occurring in the movie’s most romantic sequences, the oversaturation adds nothing to the poignancy onscreen. The filters are more suited for drinking games – not that I am giving you any suggestions.

Logan and cinematographer Leon Shamroy (1944′s Wilson, The King and I) botch the camerawork. The colorized filters interfering with the audience’s appreciation of the backgrounds, and this issue is exacerbated by Shamroy’s insistence on medium and medium-close shots for many of the musical numbers, as well as placing many props or foliage in the foreground. Shamroy sometimes carries over the same aesthetic and framing tendencies between musical numbers shot in the same general area (“There is Nothing Like a Dame” and “Bali Ha’i” in particular). The visuals, amid beautiful sights on Kaua’i, are frustratingly adequate given the on-location shooting.

As entertaining as South Pacific, it buckles with its gendered behaviors, questionable romance, and flawed arguments around racial relations. The secondary plot concerning Liat and Joseph Cable is grounded in the fears of Liat’s mother, Bloody Mary. With war raging across the Pacific and the fact that the economic presence of the U.S. Navy could disappear at a moment’s notice, Bloody Mary wants her child to enjoy the benefits of Western society and escape from the poverty of the islands. Liat, portrayed by Nuyen, has no agency and no choice of suitors because of her mother’s arrangements. Among their exotified neighbors, Liat, who does not speak a single word in this film adaptation (because apparently the worst sort of woman is someone who dares speak out concerning a man’s worst behaviors), embodies the Oriental feminine ideal pushed by artists over several hundred years: submissive, seductive, pale-skinned, giggling. Yet the musical and the film adaptation tends to play this for laughs, burying the narrative lede behind mother and daughter: the former preventing the latter from discovering love for herself, in the name of economic benefits (given how much money Bloody Mary claims she has made – and taking her at her word and inflation into account – their income probably far exceeds that of the average islander) and wartime expediency. Asian characters in Western narrative art – especially women – are often infantile, finding themselves at the mercy of underdeveloped, acquisition-hungry, and horny white characters. Where a musical like The King and I had its lead Asian and white protagonists on equal footing in terms of power and agency, that dynamic reverts to its stereotypical norm here. South Pacific has much to say about interracial romance – and not just with Liat and Cable – but its approach was and is regressive.

Not that the primary romance between Nellie and Emile is any better. From the moment they lay eyes on each other and an interested eyebrow is raised, Emile repeatedly engages in prevarication. He does this thinking that Nellie will not accept his truths – and really, too much of the drama in South Pacific occurs because of characters failing to explain their pasts or their reasoning (it’s tearing-hair-out-in-large-clumps stuff). Now, I’m all for forgiveness in leading one’s life. But Nellie, whose resentments are based on her personal racial intolerance and Emile’s history of obfuscation, forgives Emile too quickly, too easily to be believed. The two leads here are playing characters with an array of personal flaws that can be overcome. The resolution of those flaws plays out in the most dramatic fashion possible because, hey, it’s the Second World War and they have to put some war violence in there somehow!

It is my hope that you are watching South Pacific for its music, and not for the plot. Because the entire score from Rodgers and Hammerstein’s musical is intact, albeit many songs have been placed far differently from when they appear in the original stage musical. Credit to this film adaptation that the rearrangement of the song order makes greater sense here. Instead of jumping headfirst into Nellie and Emile’s romance, the film opts to introduce “Bloody Mary” and the Naval non-coms and Lieutenant Cable first with “There Is Nothing Like a Dame” – an enjoyable opening which establishes their longing for female company and restlessness. “Bali Ha’i” and the first appearance of the atrocious filters follows.

Soon after this the musical’s best works appear where in the stage version they were featured far too early. Nellie and Emile’s budding relationship is outlined by three songs following the other: “A Cock-Eyed Optimist” is followed by “Twin Soliloquies” and South Pacific’s signature song – “Some Enchanted Evening”. Also preserved in their spots from the stage musical are “I’m Gonna Wash That Man Right Outa My Hair” – the film unfortunately cuts two minutes from the song – and “I’m in Love with a Wonderful Guy”. The partial deletion of the former song speaks to how the filmmakers wanted to champion falling in love (as opposed to loving someone), but that does not make me adore the latter song any less. As an example of how poorly South Pacific treats its Asian characters, “Happy Talk” is featured in all of its glorious pidgin English embarrassment (the song is often cut in contemporary productions, including the 2001 television version). This is the only Rodgers and Hammerstein film adaptation in which all of the songs are intact – “My Girl Back Home” being the one addition (and it was cut from the original stage musical).

This review is based on the general release version which runs 157 minutes long and does not include the intermission. The roadshow version runs for 171 minutes; includes an overture, intermission, entr’acte, and exit music; and contains additional scenes. Both the general and roadshow versions are available on home media.

For South Pacific, various elements of this film version – from how it handles its two romantic subplots and its commentary on interracial romance and relations – have not aged gracefully. The Rodgers and Hammerstein score, even if this does not represent the height of their collective musical acumen, remains indelible. Forget the love declarations and probably one-sided relationships. Stay for the music.

My rating: 6/10

^ Based on my personal imdb rating. My interpretation of that ratings system can be found here.

[trivia-95]

Relationships;; [Bloom AU]

|| Summary || At one point in time, Min Yoongi had been a member of rising k-pop group BTS. However, life happened and now he finds himself behind the scenes as a producer for BigHit. When a new solo artist is brought on at BigHit,his life gets even more complicated.

Seokjin x Naree || Seokree 

Seokjin and Naree both love food. Naree isn’t the best cook, but Seokjin likes the food that she makes because it comes from a lot of different cultures. Since she’s lived in several different places, she knows a lot of different dishes.

Seokjin is the first person Naree meets at BigHit; he finds her while she’s lost in a hall on her first day. 

Even though he can be childish at times, he takes her under his wing and treats her as a little sister.

She was awkward with him at first because he’s so much older than her and she didn’t want to disrespect him with her lacking knowledge of Korean cultural norms.

Once she learned she didn’t have to be so guarded around him they became great friends. She likes his sense of humor (and laugh), while he thinks her nervousness is cute.

She helps him with songwriting since he knows she won’t judge him.

Naree feels overprotective of her ‘older brother’ since their fans often overlook him, even though he’s the leader.

She admires how hard he works to keep up with the younger members. Often, she’ll spot him alone practicing dancing or singing when the other members are relaxing.

Their duet song is: Still Standing

Hoseok x Naree || Nope

Hoseok is her ~*soulmate*~ even though they are polar opposites.

At first they didn’t talk much because Naree was nervous being around such an amazing dancer. She thought he was annoyed with having to teach her how to dance.

But then Hoseok found out about her Block B obsession. 

Now they always post videos together of them dancing to their different choreos.

He teases her about her obsession/ her bias [much to Yoongi’s annoyance]

He tells her about how he sometimes wishes BTS hadn’t broken up. 

She encourages him to release a solo mixtape on Soundcloud, instead of just releasing music with Yoongi and Namjoon.

Hoseok buys them matching Corgi Sweatshirts that he makes them wear in all their dance cover videos.

For Halloween, he got them two blow up dinosaur costumes and they covered the dance to Loveshot.

He always tries to speak to her in English just to make her laugh at how bad he is, especially when she’s having a hard day.

Their duet song is: 1+1=0

Namjoon x Naree || Najoon

Namjoon gets assigned to work with Naree as her exclusive producer, since he can speak English and she speaks better English than Korea. 

They immediately bond over songwriting and form a strong friendship.

He helps teach her Korean as they translate her songs.

He’s the person at BigHit that she feels most comfortable talking with because he understands her issues with communicating with the others.

He helps her get better at rapping, even though she only wants to learn for fun.

He always defends her at production meetings when people complain she writes too many ballads or love songs.

He meets her mom when she is visiting and her mom immediately starts referring to him as her ‘son-in-law’, but she does it in Japanese so 

Namjoon doesn’t realize this until later when he goes home and googles it.

Sometimes Naree falls asleep in his studio when they’re working together. Namjoon started making sure he had a pillow and blanket in there for her, for when that happens.

They’re the Dynamic Duo of BigHit.

Their duet song is: I

Jimin x Naree || Namin

Jimin immediately loves Naree because she is shorter than him and that means he can finally make short jokes.

At first they aren’t very close because Jimin continuously speaks too fast and Naree has a hard time understanding him. This made it so she never responded when he talked. 

He always thought she didn’t like him, until Yoongi told him to speak slower.

He gets upset when she and Taehyung start getting really close because at first he’s worried that he’s losing his best friend to someone else.

After a heart to heart, though, they all start hanging out together.

Naree thinks Jimin has the prettiest voice out of all the singers.

Whenever Jimin is feeling down, he always goes to Naree because he knows she’s a bad liar and she always has the right thing to say to cheer him up. 

He also doesn’t feel like she expects him to act a certain way, unlike the others.

Jimin is her hype man. While all the others support her behind the scenes, he is always SCREAMING for her at performances and mentioning her in interviews.

Their duet song is: Can’t Love You Anymore

Taehyung x Naree || Taeree

Taehyung loves Naree because she will sit with him and watch anime when no one else wants to.

She invites him to be on her vlog (where she translates K-pop songs to English and then sings them). 

For his episode she does Cypher pt. 4. He cries a little.

Naree is ALWAYS taking pictures of his dogs. Like, always. 

Taehyung drags her everywhere, whenever he can. 

He likes to take her shopping because they both share a love of oversized shirts.

She really respects how much love he shows for his fans. It inspires her and makes her want to be better.

She thinks he has the prettiest face out of JvJ (But don’t tell Jin)

Sometimes she finds it hard to spend time with him though because he always seems so social and energetic.

He always tries to crash her cooking lessons with Jin, but he usually ends up messing something up and getting banished from the kitchen.

She’s jealous of his relationship with Jimin because she’s never had a friend that understands her the way they understand each other.

Their duet song is: Love Story

Jungkook x Naree || Naekook

Jungkook watches Naree’s blogs so he can learn English from them. He always comments on them like a star student.

She teaches him things to say for interviews, since no one in their group really speaks much English. 

Similar to Jimin, he loves that she’s younger than him and he finally can call someone else Maknae.

They’re always playing phone games against each other when they should be doing something else.

Like, nonstop. They’re both competitive, so they get fired up over the stupidest things (but especially the 8-ball phone game). 

He accuses her of having Namjoon take some of her turns for her. 

People expected them to become a ‘work couple’ since they’re closest in age to each other, which makes things awkward for Naree because interviewers always ask her about Jungkook in interviews.

She makes fun of his shoe obsession, while he teases her about literally everything.

They’re chaotic together. Usually Naree is nervous around everyone, but Jungkook is who she has the easiest time talking to about random things.

She worries that he works too hard and never takes a break. He worries that Naree doesn’t speak up for herself enough.

Their duet song is: Starlight

Yoongi x Naree || Nangi 

When Naree first met Yoongi it was at her first meeting with BigHit and he was slumped over the table while drinking an Americano.

He’s immediately impressed with her talent but worries that she’s too soft spoken to be a solo artist.

Not gonna lie, he’s a bit jaded from his past with being an idol and this impacts their relationship at first.

Naree finds him the most intimidating out of everyone else but she also immediately looks up to him. 

Even though Namjoon is the producer she’s supposed to work with, she finds herself going to Yoongi more and more with the more difficult songs.

Yoongi catches Jungkook watching Naree’s Vlog one day and he joins in. 

After that he begins watching them whenever he’s in a slump or needs a mental break.

He’s the last person to get a feature with her, which really upsets him.

He gets jealous of her relationship with Zico, especially when they record Soulmate together.

When he starts to have feelings for her, he’s conflicted because of the age difference.

He tries to be sly about them, but literally everyone knows. 

He’s pretty sure he fell in love with her when she rapped his verse of Cypher Pt. 4 in her video with Tae.

He wrote Seesaw about her and it brings him a lot of attention on the internet, even though he’s only an ex-idol turned soundcloud rapper.

Their duet songs are: Suga’s Interlude, Eight, We Don’t Talk Together

Zico x Naree || Zina

He spots one of her vlogs on YouTube and likes her voice, so he invites her to record a song with him.

It becomes an all kill.

They become a pretty popular couple in the K-pop community, even though they don’t view each other that way.

They bond because they both have similar interests and work ethics.

When he releases Any Song and wants to film the dance for it, Naree is the first person he calls.

Honestly he’s just a background character that makes Yoongi jealous but he’s there!!

Their duet song is: Soulmate

Masterlist

[oniusagimaru]

[Akutagawa/Atsushi Fanfiction] Collide (5/?)

Title: Collide Pairings: Akutagawa/Atsushi, Akuatsu Author: Oniusagimaru Rating:  T Warnings: None Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters Summary: All it takes is one chance meeting and Atsushi’s life slowly becomes tangled up in Akutagawa Ryuunosuke’s. This has to be some kind of cosmic joke. A/N: In case anyone wants to know, the idol game in question is heavily based on THE iDOLM@STER Cinderella Girls: Starlight Stage because I’ve been playing it the longest

The day after Akutagawa had bolted from his apartment, Atsushi tried to confront him about what happened since it was a…strange turn of events. Instead of being ignored, the other had gathered up his things and moved himself to the other side of the classroom. He sat in stunned silence for the remained of class. As soon as everyone was dismissed, Akutagawa made a beeline for the door and didn’t bother looking in Dazai’s direction when he was addressed.

His teacher quirked a curious brow in his direction, and Atsushi could only hold his hands up defensively. He couldn't tell Dazai a thing when he himself hadn’t wrap his head around the other's strange behavior. The same thing happened three more time, and it finally clicked that Akutagawa wasn’t being his usual rude self when the other fled in the opposite direction once their eyes met in the hallway.

Akutagawa Ryuunosuke, the biggest pain in the ass Atsushi has ever had the displeasure of meeting, was avoiding him.

Atsushi would’ve found the situation far funnier if it weren’t for the fact that he and Akutagawa needed to communicate. So, after having himself a good laugh, he went about trying to solve the problem. Since Akutagawa was avoiding him like the plague, Atsushi had to go to the next best source for information: Gin. The downside to relying on her was that Gin’s visits on campus were random, so an entire week went by before Atsushi managed to see her again.

He explained the situation to her, and as soon as he mentioned Akutagawa’s odd behavior following the chipper voice that emitted from his phone, Gin damn near doubled over in laughter. When she finally stopped, she confessed that her brother had been acting strange for some reason, but to hear that she believed Akutagawa was avoiding him due to embarrassment caused Atsushi to stare at her in shock. What was there to be embarrassed about? She said her brother might have accidentally opened an ‘idol game’ without headphones, and Instead of telling him more, Gin pulled out her phone. Atsushi watched as she turned her phone sideways while pressing on an app.

Though the voice was different, he was still greeted with the same phrase that had caused Akutagawa to flee his apartment. A girl dressed as a secretary welcomed them back as she presented a ‘log-in gift’ consisting of a rainbow-colored gem and what looked like an energy drink. With a bow she disappeared, the screen changing to a picture of another girl dressed in intricate, colorful clothing striking a dynamic pose, and Gin’s right thumb tapped the ‘LIVE’ option on the menu without hesitation. She chose a song from the long list that popped up, one he’d never heard of, and the screen went black before a countdown began to flash.

Little orbs began to descend quickly from the upper part of the screen, falling in time with the beat of the song the girls in the background sang and danced to. What moved even quicker were Gin’s thumbs, and Atsushi was mesmerized combo score on the side of the screen kept going up well into the hundreds. By the time the song ended Gin had gotten a ‘full combo’, and Atsushi was at a loss of words.

It was hard to image that someone as irritable, aloof, and intimidating as Akutagawa would enjoy something that looked so upbeat. That might’ve been the problem; he’d accidently saw a glimpse of something personal to Akutagawa, and the other only saw fit to distance himself as far as possible from him. Unfortunately, that didn’t work in either of their favors. Atsushi told Gin of the arrangement Dazai had made for them, and after a moment of silence, she announced that she had an idea.

The coming Sunday would be her brother’s day off from work, so she invited him over so the two of them could (attempt to) work on their assignment. Atsushi rightfully freaked out, turning her invitation down politely because, well, Akutagawa would kill him. That day he learned Gin could be just as stubborn as her brother, and within a minute she had broken his resolve. They exchanged phone numbers, and before leaving she said it’d be all right if he brought his sister along.

She left zero room for him to protest.

The days leading up to Sunday were tense, because it was clear that Gin hadn’t told her brother about his coming visit since he was still avoiding him. He feared that one day he’d walk on campus and Akutagawa would pounce on him, beating him for daring to even speak to his sister again. To distract himself from the thought of his potential beating, Atsushi downloaded the idol game that’d been the cause of Akutagawa’s behavior shift. He knew of idols (a fairly popular group got their start in Yokohama that Kyouka liked) and rhythm games, but it was his first time seeing the two combined.

Gin made playing the game look easy, and even though Atsushi knew it was from practice, he wasn’t ready for just grueling the gameplay could be. Hidden behind the smiles of cute girls lied a game that tested one’s endurance and hand-eye coordination, neither of which Atsushi possessed. Any live he played above the easy difficulty ended with him barely making a combo or passing…at least the girls commended his efforts which eased the sting of how terrible he’d done. At one point he texted Gin asking if she could give him any pointers, but was shocked to learn that her brother played far better than she did.

He also learned that Gin really liked to use emojis.

When the day finally arrived, he invited Kyouka to go along with him, and his sister nervously fiddled with the strap of her shoulder bag the entire way. Atsushi had his own reasons to be nervous; as far as he knew Akutagawa didn’t know they were coming, and the dread of dealing with that confrontation made his stomach churn uncomfortably. ‘If I’m there, everything will be all right’ Gin had reassured him, but her words did nothing to calm him down the closer they got. Upon reading the find train stop, he was hit with a wave of anxiety that must’ve read on his face, because the next thing he knew Kyouka was tugging at his sleeve and asking if he was okay.

What an awful big brother was…His sister was clearly anxious, yet she pushed her feelings down enough to worry more about him, something he should’ve been doing for her. Yes, he feared Akutagawa killing him, yes, the unease of being invited over to someone’s place for the first time gnawed at him, but first and foremost he was should’ve been looking out for Kyouka. Atsushi took a deep breath before taking her hand, his lips quirking up into a small smile as he tells her he’s fine and that everything was going to be okay. She nodded slowly, her grip around his hand tightening as they left the station.

Atsushi did a decent job keeping himself calm for Kyouka’s sake, but as soon as he stood in front of the door belonging to the Akutagawa’s apartment, it felt like the ground disappeared from under him. He wanted to run, to be a bit selfish and say to hell with Dazai’s threatening assignment, but…abandoning the whole thing left an awful taste in his mouth. Sometimes he really was too duty bound for his own damn good.

With a groan he raises a fist to knock, only stopping once he hears something on the other side of the door. It was a high pitch…’boof’? He doesn’t have time to process it because the door suddenly swings open, Gin greeting the two of them with a bright smile. Atsushi feels Kyouka tense up next to him.

“You made it!” she says while stepping to the side, motioning for them to come in, “Ryuu should be up soon, so you can wait in the living room. Oh, and don’t mind Ra-chan.”

“A-Ah, all right.”

As he slips into the apartment, his sister close behind him, Atsushi wonders who this ‘Ra-chan’ is. Gin hadn’t mention anyone else joining them, but as he removed his shoes he notices Kyouka staring at something. Raising an eyebrow, he follows her line of sight, stopping once he sees a black, puffball like figure peaking around the side of the couch. Atsushi notes the skull shaped tag dangling from a light blue collar, and he doesn’t have to wonder who’d been responsible for that. Pointy ears twitch as Atsushi steps further into the apartment, and beside him he can see an unmistakable sparkle in his sister’s eyes.

Kyouka wants to the pet the dog so badly, and Atsushi knows it’s taking all her self restrain to not run over and do so. Truth be told, Atsushi can’t blame her…the dog is cute. He hears Gin give off an amused sound as she closes the door, his cheeks flushing slightly at how transparent he and his sister look.

“His name is Rashomon. He’s a bit wary of strangers, but I’m sure he’ll warm up to you in no time,” Gin says, and Atsushi can see Kyouka’s eyes ablaze with determination.

The now named Rashomon continues to stare, though his ears stand a bit straighter as he snaps his head in another direction. Atsushi watches as little paws scurry across the floor, and he can’t help but feel disappointed as the dog vanishes around a corner. He and Kyouka sit on the small couch as Gin briefly retreats to the kitchen, and she returns holding a tray of cookies and tea.

“Your brother said you liked bunnies, so I tried to make the cookies look like them. Although, I think some of them came out a little messy,” Gin says as she gives off a nervous laugh.

Kyouka looks surprised that she’s being addressed, but she quickly shakes her head.

“No, they look really cute,” Kyouka says while picking one of the cookies up. “The last batch I made fused into one big cookie when I baked them.”

“I’m sure they still tasted good.”

Atsushi can’t help but smile. His sister isn’t the most social person, and even though she was asked to be a stand in for sports clubs, he’d never once seen her take an interest in joining any. Kyouka never mentioned friends or even people she spoke to at school, and one of her teachers had even expressed to him that they were worried about how closed off she was. So, to see her easily talking to someone else, even smiling, makes Atsushi feel light.

That feeling is quickly replaced with one of utter horror as the sound of footsteps reach his ears. They’re being accompanied by the ‘tap, tap, tap’ of little paws hitting the ground, and it’s clear that Rashomon had disappeared to retrieve his other owner. Atsushi sucks in a breath as Akutagawa comes into view, the other yawning as he runs his fingers through his hair. He takes a step in the direction of the kitchen but suddenly stop, and Atsushi braces for what he knows is coming. Akutagawa slowly turns to look at him, eyes wide and face full of shock.

“…What the hell are you doing here?”

The shocked look on his face quickly turns to anger, and Atsushi wonders briefly if he can grab Kyouka and run for the door before Akutagawa decides to strangle him.

“I invited him and his sister over,” Gin says without missing a beat.

“What? Why-?”

“Because you two have an important assignment to do. You’re usually so diligent when it comes to your school work, so I was disappointed to find out you’ve been slacking.”

Akutagawa shoots him a heated look, but after a short while he clicks his tongue and averts his gaze. He hesitates for second once his sister tells him to have a seat next to her, and he lets out a frustrated sounding sigh as he does so, arms crossing as he mutters something inaudible. Atsushi knows this is great opportunity to start a conversation with Akutagawa, but the situation is still freaking him out. He nervously fiddles with his fingers as he listens to Kyouka and Gin talk about baking, but once the discussion turns to the two of them actually baking, he knows he needs to get his shit together and fast.

Maybe he could talk about Rashomon who’s lounging by Akutagawa’s feet, but there’s a chance the other will catch on that he’s far more interested in his dog than talking to him. Honestly, he’d much rather have a one-sided conversation with the dog. It’s then that he notices what Akutagawa is wearing, or more specifically what is printed on his black t-shirt. Across the bottom in bold white letters is the fictional production company name from the idol game, and on the right side of his chest is the signature of one of the girls. He squints to see whose name is written there, and once he finally makes it out, he sits up a bit straighter.

“You, um…like Satomi?” he says, and Akutagawa tenses up.

His fingers grip his shirt, and Atsushi acts fast before he can run, or worse yet, glare at him with murder in his eyes.

“I’ve only been playing for a couple of days, but I’m not that great at it,” he says while rubbing the back of his neck. “If you don’t mind, could you give me some pointers? I mean, I like the game, but it feels like I’m doing something wrong…”

Akutagawa is still silent, eyes downcast as he stares at Rashomon. His grips his shirt tighter, and Atsushi worries that maybe he overstepped. He knew it’d be a terrible topic to bring up, but it’s better to get the reason for him being there out in the open so they can deal with it. The last thing he wants if for Akutagawa to keep avoiding him, because if Dazai catches wind that they haven’t been working together, there might be hell to pay. Dazai might be a good teacher, but if the rumors are true, he is not the kind of person you’d want to cross.

He jumps slightly when Akutagawa gives off a frustrated sigh.

“Your phone…”

“Huh?”

“Get over here and let me see your phone.”

He practically hisses the words out, and Atsushi knows he needs to comply with the other’s demand. Quickly getting up, he fishes his phone out of his pocket before sitting down next to Akutagawa. He practically snatches it, and he pretty much ignores Atsushi’s sharp ‘hey!’. His annoyance almost gets the better of him, but Atsushi manages to swallow it down while watching Akutagawa unlocks his phone. The game is started up, and the other easily navigates the menu all the way to the options.

“Well, problem number one is that you have the animations for the lives on,” he says, finger clicking the ‘animations off’ button.

“Wait, why does it matter that they’re on?” Atsushi questions, especially since he rather enjoyed seeing the girls dancing in the background- …oh.

“It’s a distraction and it causes lag. If you want to watch the MV so badly, play hard mode to unlock it.”

“Um…MV?”

“…Music. Video.”

Akutagawa looks at him like he’s the dumbest goddamn person he’s ever met, but how the hell was he supposed to know what he meant? Groaning, Akutagawa asks him why he hasn’t changed the timing for the notes, and Atsushi says he thought the best option was to keep it at zero. He’s given that look again, and Akutagawa hand him back his phone, telling him to take the tuning test. Begrudgingly he does as told, and once he’s finished Akutagawa instructs him to play a song.

The difference is evident as soon as he starts. Instead of dancing, there are small versions of the girls in the background that don’t move. Once the notes start falling, he notices that he’s missing them far less than before.

“…Are you looking at the bottom of the screen…?” Akutagawa asks, and Atsushi can feel the condescending air around his words.

“O mighty master of rhythm, where the hell else am I supposed to look?” Atsushi shoots back, and from the corner of his eye he can see the other giving him a nasty look.

“Look in the middle of the screen asshole. You can look at the top where the notes fall, but sometimes they change direction by the time they get to the middle on harder difficulties.”

“Ugh, fine.”

Atsushi plays another song, this time trying to focus on the middle of the screen instead of the bottom. It’s a lot harder than before, so he doesn’t fair that well by the time the song ends. Two hours into Akutagawa barking orders at him and Atsushi shooting back with a smartass comment, Atsushi, as much as he hates to admit it, has gotten better. He’s no pro by any means, but he’d at least gotten himself a few full combos, which gave him a rush of excitement. He even managed to give Akutagawa a smile, who in turn just scoffs and looks away.

“Despite you being a pain in the ass, you’re actually a decent teacher,” Atsushi says while rearranging his party.

“If you weren’t so damn stubborn and listened to me the first time around, maybe things could’ve gone smoother,” Akutagawa says as he fiddles with his own phone.

He gives him a half-hearted ‘yeah, whatever’, and it’s then that his fingers stop moving. He isn’t sure when it happened, but at some point he’d stopped feeling nervous around Akutagawa. It probably helped that the other wasn’t radiating hostility, and simply seemed annoyed with his behavior rather than his very presence. It’s kind of weird. Chancing it, he glances over at Akutagawa who still has a frown on his face, but he looks…a little more relaxed.

“…What? Is there something on my face?” Akutagawa asks, and Atsushi in turn jumps at being caught staring.

“U-Um, no I,” he stutters out while he tries to think of an excuse, “could I…get your friend code?”

“My friends list is full.”

“Then can I get your phone number?”

The words tumble out of his mouth so quickly he doesn’t have time to process them until it’s too late. Akutagawa looks at him with wide eyes, almost comically so, mouth slightly open as he almost drops his phone. He hears a snort from the side of him, and with a quick glance he sees Gin covering her mouth, shoulders shaking as she attempts to contain her laughter.

Oh god, no, no, no.

“Just so I can text you questions about the game!” he says quickly, and he prays his words aren’t a jumbled mess.

The shock on Akutagawa’s face morphs into irritation, and Atsushi feels like kicking himself. Had he chosen his words better, the light mood around them wouldn’t have come crashing down.

“…I swear to god if you text me random shit-”

“I won’t,” Atsushi says, because he knows Akutagawa will delete his number without hesitation if he did something like that.

His phone is taken again, but this time Atsushi makes a small noise of protest since he knew it was coming. Akutagawa types in his phone number before handing it back, and Atsushi in turn texts him his number so he can save it. Now that he thinks about it…Akutagawa’s number will be one of the few he has in his phone. Of course he has Kyouka’s, as well as his job’s, but as for someone outside of family and work…he’d be the first. It gives him a weird feeling, one he can’t place a name to, but it isn’t…unpleasant.

A half an hour later the sun begins to set, and Atsushi thinks it’s about time for him and Kyouka to head back. Gin gives them a bag of the cookies she and Kyouka made, saying if they ever wanted to come over again, all they need to do is ask. Akutagawa makes a face at his sister’s words, but doesn’t say anything to deny her invitation to them. If fact, he just silently stands by the door. Rashomon even allows the two of them to give him a goodbye pet, and Atsushi has never felt more honored in his life.

On the way to the station, Atsushi reflects on the afternoon’s events. Even if he’d driven him up a wall most of the visit, at least Akutagawa was speaking to him again. So, things had worked out to a certain degree, and even though he hadn’t probed the other for information, a few interesting facts had fallen into his lap without him having to ask. It still isn’t enough to complete the paper, but now he and Akutagawa have common hobby to serve as a bridge to other topics. It’s the most progress they’ve made in a while, and Atsushi can’t help but mentally sigh in relief.

Spending time with Akutagawa no longer fills him with dread, and for him that’s a step in the right direction.

[virtualhavenmag-blog]

Pit People Review - Another Hit From Behemoth

With hilarious dialogue, addicting gameplay, and hundreds of creative quests, Pit People is most certainly a success, living up to the standards set by Castle Crashers and BattleBlock Theatre.

Pit People is the latest release from indie developer Behemoth, tackling the strategy genre with their signature style. The company’s move from a 2.5D action game to a side-scrolling puzzle game to a top down strategy game shows they are willing to try new things with every release.

Story & Characters

In Pit People, players take control of Horatio, a man seeking to get his child back from a giant space bear. Horatio travels around the world fighting, looting, and capturing enemies in an attempt to strengthen his squad and save his son. The base story isn’t all that important, but the dialogue and situations that unfold are incredibly charming.

Once again, Will Stamper shines as the narrator in another Behemoth game, and is as hilarious as he was in BattleBlock Theatre. The bizarre conversations between him and the characters are hysterical, especially the way regular folk speak gibberish. It’s amusing to see the narrator do something awful to Horatio and then witness Horatio angrily respond with a string of made up words. This is even funnier considering that there is occasional coherency in these words, as certain things don’t sound like gibberish and sound slightly similar to English.

There are also a lot of small jokes in the world, characters, and dialogue. The game is mostly successful at making jokes anywhere it can, but it occasionally falters. The common poop jokes for instance were never very amusing.

Gameplay

Players travel around a modestly sized overworld and take bizarre quests from bizarre individuals. Either that or you can accept the story missions back at the hub and go along with the main content. No matter which route you go, these quests are incredibly creative, fun, and engaging. The most intriguing aspect of the game is that even the side missions feel as thought out as the main ones. The story quests do have a bit more style, but the alternative ones are just as well made.

When it comes to the actual combat, the player commands their characters to move to specific spots on the map. If they’re next to multiple enemies, they will randomly decide who they’re attacking.

For example, if you move Horatio to a spot where four enemies surround him, he will randomly choose which one to attack. This can be problematic, but it adds a layer of strategy because it forces you to move to spots where your character won’t be surrounded, allowing them to focus on a single individual at a time. This is also the case with bows and cannons, as it’ll randomly select people to shoot within range. Thankfully, the range on these characters is so unpredictable that you can usually move them into certain spots to target specific enemies.

Thankfully, the game gets even better with a friend. Certain titles only allow you to play portions with someone else, but all of Pit People is accessible with a friend. Not only that, but it’s balanced well for co-op. The game doesn’t get too easy or too hard during multiplayer, which mainly has to do with the level design. Sometimes, players focus on specific tasks that have them on different sides of the screen. Other times, both will be work together to take down a fearsome boss.

Customization & Leveling

When a battle is over, the player earns gold, armor, and weapons. This is where the game allows a lot of personal choice in how you build your character, as certain weapons have wildly different effects. For example, I’m personally addicted to an ice mortar that freezes enemies from a long range. It’s very different from any of the other ranged weapons, and possesses high utility for intense battles.

This customization system works incredibly well, especially when you add the many different enemies you can capture. Towards the end of a battle, you can capture the final enemy and put them in your squad. From pixies to spidaurs and giant cyclopes, any new member changes how the game plays entirely.

Putting a swordsman with high damage output on top of a spidaur with high defense creates a destructive nightmare. You can go even further with these additions by adding swift kobolds, regenerating zombies, unicorn snipers and more. The character customization and team member diversity creates a dynamic that makes Pit People feel fresh from the slightest change.

However, the big problem is that there’s not much incentive to keep any of your characters. Even if you get attached to a specific character, there aren’t any skill points or unlockable abilities to make characters feel unique. Everything about each character is too broad, as the customization solely relies on equipment anyone can equip, and this is even worse considering there’s a level up system.

This level system provides slight bonuses but doesn’t matter as much as it could. It would’ve been great to be able to choose how to build character’s stats or customize minor abilities. Having the game choose where those stat bonuses go isn’t any fun. Even then, leveling up is a great lifesaver in combat. If a team member is about to die, they can instantly heal to max HP upon reaching a new level. This mechanic saved many lives throughout my playthrough.

Overworld, Marquette, & Misc.

Unfortunately, the overworld is annoying to travel through. The obnoxious gas always blocks your view, making it genuinely uncomfortable to see. The world is also gridded, which seems visually contradicted by the smooth animations of the moving cart and walking enemies. It also makes shooting awkward when you’re auto-locked to a certain grid point and the enemy is moving normally throughout the grid. Additionally, the coins that you can find on your travels feel pointless, as they don’t provide enough incentive to collect.

When it comes to the Marquette, there’s not much there. You can purchase new party members for a large sum of money—which is not worth it—and you can buy a randomly assigned item on display. Aside from that, there’s the shop which allows you to only purchase practical items like a revive potion and a campfire, which heals all party members in the overworld.

Overall, the currency system could have a lot more to it. The only reasonable thing to purchase are these practical items which are dirt cheap, almost always causing the player to have a lot more money than they should. Similar to the level up issue, it would be interesting if additional abilities or special skins could be purchased. Pit People simply needs an additional incentive to spend money.

Throughout my first three hours or so, I used a keyboard and mouse to play. However, this became extremely obnoxious considering some of the controls. It was difficult to precisely select characters with a mouse wheel, as it would often go to the incorrect one. Not only that, but moving the cart felt robotic and hard to control. These are small issues, but it was enough to make me switch to a controller.

As the name suggests, you can also fight in The Pit. This is a combat oriented arena where you can battle other players or take on a tournament against NPCs. Fighting other players is a ton of fun, and going through the tournament provides many rewards for the victors. Even then, it’s pretty strange that The Pit isn’t as significant as the game title would suggest. It’s not a problem, just interesting to think about.

Visuals & Sound

Pit People takes on a classic Behemoth visual style with goofy humor embedded in its art and silly designs for its characters and world. This works very well for the most part, as certain hats and weapons are genuinely hilarious.

There’s nothing more amusing than using a trash can as a shield, throwing letter blocks at enemies, and attacking people with a stick of meat. The player can also travel to a giant toilet town, adopt a poop mascot, and give their cupcake medic a soldier’s cap. There’s nothing serious about the way the title is designed, and it’s a relief.

When it comes to its soundtrack, Behemoth impresses again with more bizarrely styled tracks. Some of the music seems genuinely experimental, using random sounds to put together a piece. Even with these tracks, the songs themselves sound great, creating intense, hilarious, or weird atmospheres when appropriate.

Verdict

Pit People is amusing, addicting, and an absolute blast to play. It’s a strategy game full of content, with the studio’s twisted humor embedded in everything. Thanks to incredibly diverse quests, hundreds of customizable options, and incredibly funny dialogue, Pit People is another hit from Behemoth.

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Score

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Good Bad Hilarious Dialogue Annoying Overworld Creative Quests Bland Leveling System Fun Capture System Keyboard and Mouse All Content Accessible With a Friend Underdeveloped Marquette Addicting Gameplay Great Soundtrack Quirky Visuals

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- 8/10 -

[symbianosgames]

Yonder: The Cloud Catcher Chronicles An Episodic Audio Journal, Episode Two: 40 Species of Noise

The following blog post, unless otherwise noted, was written by a member of Gamasutra’s community. The thoughts and opinions expressed are those of the writer and not Gamasutra or its parent company.

Yonder: The Cloud Catcher Chronicles An Episodic Audio Journal

Episode Two: 40 Species of Noise

 I love open world games and I find myself observing the environments in detail as I travel around exploring. But I often find myself thinking about how they compare to the real world. I spent three years living in Japan, 12 months in Tokyo and 2 years in Aomori Prefecture, one of the main things I noticed in Japan was how the environments changed both due to seasonal changes and location.

Spring and Summer time are vibrant seasons in Japan; birds are very active, but the really noticeable aspect of these months from a sound point of view is the insects. Millions of cicadas during the day and crickets during the night saturate the Japanese landscape with their song. What many travellers to Japan do not realize is that the various species have very specific song types as well as very specific locations in which they live. This means if you travel from southern Japan up to Tokyo, and then north to Tohoku you will be able to hear different insect sounds. And the insect sounds will also change from season to season. Once I realized this I was able to watch a Japanese movie and if there were insect sounds I could identify where it was filmed and what time of year it was.

We often ask our audience to spend hours inside our game worlds and we design complex terrain with various biome types. And yet sometimes we craft the audio for these environments with much less detail than the visuals. I wanted to not only add more life to the world of Gemea, but to create a living world that would highlight the changes of day and night, summer and winter, sunshine and storm.

Yonder: The Cloud Catcher Chronicles has the sound of over 40 species of birds, insects and frogs. Did I go overboard with this? Perhaps, but the result is a world that has a dynamic ecology that reflects various states of change. But each choice and its implementation is also designed to support the overall narrative of exploring the land of Gemea.

Palette To start with I wanted to select as broad a range of content as possible. I have a massive SFX collection as well as my own personal recordings. I have also recently been working on restoring some older recordings and making them suitable for game implementation purposes. Working through sound recordings is like selecting which instruments you want to compose for. Each sound has character and texture and a quality that suits certain emotional states. Selecting the most suitable Cicada sound is no less important than choosing which wind instrument to write a solo for.

I had created a first pass of the dynamic environment system months ago, it worked and it sounded effective in the game from a technical standpoint. This was a series of basic bird and insect sounds that functioned appropriately for the game world. I will go into the details of the system in a minute, but the selection of source content is critical, so I want to focus on that for a second. By putting in placeholder sounds it meant the system could be tested. As the world grew and the artwork became more finalized I was able to spend many hours in the world. Most of this time was spent implementing other sounds or performing constant ongoing mix balancing, but sometimes I would just play and explore and I would listen and I would “feel”

When it came to selecting the second pass content I knew the biomes very well and I knew what I wanted. I would go through my raw SFX material, often not looking at the names and I would listen with an open mind, I would allow the sound to take me wherever it would. Some sounds were lush and full of life, others seemed sparse, and some would invoke a feeling of hot, dry, arid landscapes. In most instances this is because the sounds were from a creature that lived in the appropriate environment in the real world, but instead of working with names and descriptions I worked with feelings and I think this allowed for some nice choices of content.

We have been using the State System in Wwise to control various aspects of the sound and music. We already had a day and night state, but I wanted to expand on this. So we added dawn and dusk states to create transition points between the main day and night states. This is used for both music and SFX, but for the species of birds and insects I crafted each one individually to align with how they made me feel. Certain bird sounds just didn’t sound to me like I would hear then immediately at dawn. They had more of a feeling of circling overhead at noon. So these sounds only triggered once full day state was active. Some insects I implemented to trigger right at dusk and others not until full night had fallen.

So in this example the insect sounds will be active at dusk and during the night, but fade when dawn arrives. And this particular species is only active during the Spring and Summer months.

The dynamic structure for the birds used individual bird calls triggered at various rates depending on exactly which species I was working on. Smaller birds tend to twitter more often than larger birds. This system also allowed me to alter the trigger rate dynamically. So at dawn and dusk I could create the “massed chorus” effect of many birds all singing more often. Over the course of the day the trigger rate would drop off so that at noon when the day was hottest the birds were barely present.

From a Seasonal point of view I set many birds to be most active in Spring time when many creatures are mating, then slightly less active in summer and in some biomes completely replaced with noisy summer insects. In some regions the same bird species is active through spring, summer and autumn and then they fall quiet during the cold winter. In other biomes a specific bird may only be active in spring, and then through other months different birds or insects become more vocal.

The Grasslands_Birds consists of four species and in this example the BellsVireo has been expanded to show it has 16 sound files that make up the full pool for that species. Each bird has a varied number of sound files depending on the type of bird and what sound files I had available for that species.

The advantage of the Wwise state system is that I could easily assign and tune each species object to be unique but also so they would blend and dovetail nicely. The other useful implementation technique was to add all my biome specific sound objects into a single event. The main game objects I used for implementation into Unity were the biome specific trees. Each biome had its own tree species. As birds and insects generally gather in trees this was logical from a narrative point of view and provided objects spread throughout the game world as emitters. This also meant I had to sync only one event to a tree Prefab and it would be instanced across the whole world. (This was important because the player can collect plant seeds and place them anywhere else in the world.

Initially I had both a bird event and an insect event attached to each tree Prefab. Then I realized I could simplify this. A Wwise event can contain multiple sound objects. So I could place each of the different bird and insect species that I wanted to inhabit a biome into a single event and attach that to a tree prefab. The State system meant that even though there might have been 4-6 sound objects in the one event, each would only play at the specific day/night and seasonal state defined for it. Each of these objects could have unique effect and attenuation behaviour. So again the drop-off range of species could all be tuned to present unique behaviour within the world.

A single Event can contain all the sound objects I need to produce the spatialized environment sound for a biome. Each of the objects in this event will only trigger when their appropriate states are met. So even though there are 6 sound objects here only one usually plays at any one time. This makes implementing into the game much simpler once the system is defined.

As you walk through the world there is a true spatial environment around you. Trees may include 2 or 3 different species of birds within it and each species had a range of bird calls, so the entire system generates a spatial dynamic environment. If you chop down a harvestable tree it stops emitting its related sounds. If you deforest an entire biome its environmental audio will reflect this.

Each biome also has birds in flight. These are very basic animated shapes. But they also have sounds attached to them so they sporadically emit a bird call as they fly past. This final element really helped to sell the feeling of a dynamic alive world.

The weather system for each biome is also unique. So while there is a general wind sound through all biomes, the forest also has a wind-through-leaves sound that is attached to the tress and emits from that location. Rain in forest areas is the sound of rain on leaves, while in the grassland is it a lighter rain on ground sound. Alpine and desert areas have very different wind sounds to other environment types. All of these choices were made with the same “how does it make me feel” approach to help support the overall narrative.

Making the audience feel cold in the winter months and in snow biomes and hot and dry and in the desert can be achieved more successfully when the audio fully supports the visual effects. In fact often the audio can be more evocative to trigger emotional feelings in the audience than visual changes. Keep in mind that apart from the basic flying bird shapes, none of these birds or insects exist in the game as objects, they only exist as sounds. So the world is vastly populated with a great and diverse selection of lifeforms that exist only because of the audio. In this regard I got to decide and create much of the eco system of the world of Gamea and this helped create a lush environment without having to create dozens of models and lots of complex code.

All of the techniques that I applied to creating the environmental audio for Yonder: The Cloud Catcher Chronicles were taken from my experience doing research for VR/AR/MR implementation. For the New Realities we are striving for more detailed and precise surround spatial environments; we want to immerse the audience into these worlds and make their experience more engaging. But I realized that many of these techniques were just as valid for a "traditional screen" format game world. So movement of the camera produces a similar “world rotating” effect in the audio that head tracking does in VR. This is because all the weather sounds such as wind and rain are set at four compass points and all of the environmental birds and insects are localized throughout the world inside the trees. So Gemea is a dynamic virtual environment in many ways and the player’s experience should be far more engaging and enjoyable because of it.