#I still have major depression but if I don’t order this costume right now it’s not gonna get here in time

[malleleothreesome]

Okay okay FINE due to popular demand (2 people) i'm proud to announce I'll be cosplaying tits out no thoughts in brain Dorm Malleus at Anime Expo 2024 see u there godspeed 🫡

[alch3mic]

in between. (drabble series)

chapter four (stitches.)

captain!sans x gender neutral reader. 3k+ word count.

please be advised for themes of anxiety, ideas of loss, depression, and self esteem.

* finally at the fourth chapter with our dear fellswap sans, captain! he also has no official fic yet but has his own tag here on my tumblr if you’d like to know more about him! thank you and i hope you enjoy!

A project. 

That's all this was meant to be.

Something to keep him preoccupied in his free time, now that he seemed to have more time on his hands than he knew what to do with.

Somewhere to put his focus, instead of thinking about things.

Instead of stressing about things.

Instead of.. worrying about.. 'things'.

Like this.. 'thing'.. attached to him.

...

"ya can't just keep pacin' around bro."

Sure he could. 

He could pace around as much as he wanted. It was his boat dammit, and he'd walk around it as he pleased, from the bow to the stern, topside and back.  

"Shouldn't you be resting?"

No. 

How could he? There was work to be done.

All his life he had filled himself with his work. It was all he knew.

Work.

Work.

Work 

Work.

Work 

From his time as a child, working to take care of his younger brother to ensure he was brought up properly to his time in the royal guard working hard every day to support them and make sure they both survived that horrid Underground. Even on the surface he worked and worked and worked, to regain his position as a monster worthy of fear and respect after the humans had stripped them of everything and leaving them to rot like strays on the street.

Every minute of every day he worked.

Most days he even dreamed of it.

Which is exactly why it was so difficult to sit still, even at your request.

"You really should just take it easy, Sans. Didn't Undyne say to not stress yourself out?"

She did, but it didn't matter. 

He was in a constant state of being stressed. 

Stressed was how he operated. 

Stressed was all he knew. 

His body could never give him the pleasure of just 'taking it easy', constantly buzzing, constantly wanting to be in motion. At times he envied his brother for being able to let things go and just kick back, but... that was exactly why he worked so hard wasn't it? 

So that his brother could relax without a worry in that thick skull of his..? 

Of course.. he knew Papyrus went through his own troubles.. it's just...

Gah.

This free time was now filling his head with unnecessary thoughts, even as he tried his best to busy himself by patrolling his own boat.

..Which was only adding to his stress...

"Lets try a hobby. What do you normally do for fun?"

Think of you. 

Well.. 

He didn't have to now that you were here with him.

He could just spend time with you instead of daydreaming about it.

And he did.

You humored him by relaxing together topside with him and Papyrus, enjoying the salty breezes of the ocean and the warm summer rays. The two of you would chat in his bed for hours, laughing and telling stories of the past as you laid close. You'd help him, by offering an arm when he wore himself out or when he needed help doing something that required two hands. Everything from opening jars to preparing dinner or even tying his shoes.

It was..

Ah, dammit it was so humiliating.

..And also made him strangely happy?

He was.. happily humiliated? 

..Humbled?

..Stars.

He never had anyone taken care of him before, so his pride was taking a major blow every time you offered to help. A part of him was glad you'd always ask first so he'd at least get to attempt at doing it by himself but.. it was also humiliating to give in. He was too stubborn for his own good, never having anyone extend a hand for him neither below ground or on the Surface.

Still you never seemed bothered. 

You never batted an eye when he'd turn to you. Sometimes all it took was a look from him and you just knew, without having any words be spoke. Having that kind of connection was.. 

Incredible. 

It had been something the both of you had obviously over the years, but only now it was showing itself in the mundane parts of your lives now that you were with him. Normally it had been when you locked eyes in a fight in the streets of Ebott, and he could see the whole encounter play out in his mind. How you'd swing, how he'd shoot. How you both would nearly hit each other both on purpose and on accident. 

Like a dance with death only the two of you could perform. 

And how beautifully you danced for him..

Now.. having that connection manifest positively, in quiet agreements and silent conversations that took only seconds to have, really drove home the fact that times have changed.

That he was no longer the skeleton he was before.

He had you now, which was different. 

You were his. 

And he was yours. 

Though.. in truth you always had a part of soul with you even if you never realized it.

And he always had Papyrus by his side. 

That could never change.

But now.. he also had..

That.

The 'thing'.

An arm. 

That.. didn't belong to him.

It was attached, sure, but..

It was foreign. 

Heavy. 

A burden. 

It was consequences of his actions taken form of something that use to be, but no longer was. Like a cruel symbol of mockery, forever attached to his own broken body. There was nothing but the tickling of a sensation of pain, like a phantom dancing across his bones, from a limb that was no longer there. The magic in his scapula hummed louder than the rest of his body, always catching his attention as it had been enhanced to support the weight of his new arm. It was irritating and constant, like a buzz he couldn't be rid of no matter how loud his thoughts were or tried to be.

Always there.

Always ringing in his skull.

It was driving him crazy, adding to the mounting stress.

"FOR FUN? EASY. TRAP MAKING. ANALYTICS. READING THE STOCKS AND NEWS."

"Well that's depressing."

"STAYING INFORMED IS IMPORTANT, DARLING."

"And so is your mental health, Sans. Ignoring this won't make it go away you know."

The metallic hand closed on a reflex when he felt your gaze upon it. 

He didn't like it, despite how incredible Undyne's work was. She had studied him for weeks while he recovered in her intensive care, all so she could make an exact replica of his now missing arm. It looked just like the real thing only casted in asatollite, a type of metal found in the Underground that could conduct magic. No wires. No heavy plating. Just an arm, moved by his own magic.

An impressive feat really, but he felt no pride in this.

..Only shame.

As someone who had lived their life known for cutting it close time and time again, this was now all the proof someone needed that they could actually lay their hands on him. There was a chance that someone could hit and do some serious damage. 

For some, that would be enough to push their determination over the edge. 

The proof that he couldn't dodge forever.

And here it was, glinting under the soft afternoon sunlight that filtered into his quarters.

This... was his decline wasn't it?

..He could feel it in his bones.

Here marked the end of his reign of terror as Captain, the scarred skeleton who ruled the docks of Ebott City with an iron fist. Now that once unrelenting grip which strangled the life of rats out of the marine failed to even grasp a pen properly.

It stung in such a strange way that he almost didn't know how to describe it.

It was a unsightly fall from grace, paired with happiness and misery.

He was muddled with complicated feelings that really didn't have proper words, and so instead of spending his days thinking about it while lying in bed, he paced around his ship. 

"Is there anything you've ever wanted to learn?"

He only learned what was necessary. 

Languages to properly communicate with associates, skills like learning to shoot with a gun so that he could avoid having his magic traced back to him, and cooking so he could make sustainable meals when he and Papyrus had nothing..

They weren't things he did for fun, they were necessary.

What else could he learn that was necessary?

"HOW ABOUT TEACHING ME TO CUT A BULLET LIKE YOU DID BACK IN THE 'SISCO EXCHANGE."

"I'm not teaching you that."

"AND WHY'S THAT?"

"I don't need to make you any more dangerous than you already are you bonehead. I meant something fun! Like.. maybe a sport?"

"I THROW DARTS. I ALSO SHOOT."

"I.. Okay I guess that counts," you said, glancing to the wall of his quarters where the board was set up.

It's true it was a dart board hanging on the wall, but it was littered with photos of thugs and politicians, a dart neatly nailed through their head. It honestly looked like more of an omen of things to come rather than a hobby.

"Anything else?"

...

"I PLAYED THE VIOLIN FOR A SHORT WHILE."

"You did?"

"YES. BACK IN THE UNDERGROUND. I FOUND ONE IN THE DUMP AND TAUGHT MYSELF TO PLAY WHEN I DISCOVERED PAPYRUS LIKED THE WAY IT SOUNDED. IT WOULD HELP PUT HIM TO SLEEP ON SOME OF THE ROUGHER NIGHTS."

"Aww. Maybe you could think about picking it back up. I'd love to hear you play!"

He would, eventually. 

For right now.. the task seemed so daunting now that he had.. 

...That.

"..But maybe not yet."

Another silent conversation, passed by only the glint in his eyesocket. Once again he was glad he didn't have to openly admit he might struggle with learning something like that again but.. a small pass of shame also washed over him. He'd love to play for you, to maybe even create his own music to reflect the feelings you gave him in his soul, but to move this metallic.. 'thing'.. to play would be..

He'd become frustrated, just like with everything else.

"AND WHAT DO YOU DO TO RELAX MY DEAR?"

"Me? I usually sew or knit."

Right. Costumes. That’s why you asked to have your own space in that free room on the ship. You had mentioned it once before, how you use to do costuming back in the day for plays and helped your father who worked as a tailor until...

Hm.

"YOU SELL YOUR PIECES DON'T YOU?"

"Just to a few people. I make dresses for Mr. Rose's granddaughter and Rumpelstiltskin still orders some pieces for his wife. I also send some more elaborate stuff the Prince's way every once in awhile and I even still get requests from Mama Bear even after they disappeared off into the forest. I think they might finally have a Baby Bear on the way because they asked about knitting a little blanket a few days ago."

...

He.. tried to not humor the thought of just sailing away from this city with you, like that lucky bastard did with his spouse when he took off into the woods. Of course he couldn't, he knew Papyrus would stay here with Happy and he'd never want to be far from his brother. 

Still...

It was a tempting idea.

"I could always teach you. It's a pretty good skill to just learn how to hand stitch to mend clothing and it really isn't too complicated."

He relented ...of course. 

Because he always did to you, with that smile on your face and the hum in your tone. 

.....

Learning from you had been everything he hoped for, with you sitting close to him as you taught him how to thread a needle. You were patient with him as he struggled, his hand shaking as he did his best to will his magic to move. You were gentle as you taught him to stitch carefully and slowly, following along side as you guided him every step of the way.

...He'll never forget the way you laughed at his first pass though. 

He had been so damn.. angry! 

Really, you had the nerve to laugh even when he did his best! 

You were the worst, which is why exactly he had to pin you down and tickle you until you couldn't breathe. At least he could use that wretched metal arm to press your hands above your head as you desperately tried to wrestle out of his hold until you were flushed and gasping for breath.

His next attempt was alone late at night, when even the stars on the deck above couldn't quell his thoughts. They ran wild in his head, stampeding and thrashing about.

At his failures. 

At his mistakes.

At the humming in his shoulder and the arm that ached despite not being there. So he tried to not think about it as he quietly threaded the needle under the dim yellow lights in his quarters. The quiet creak and groan of the boat was his only accompaniment along your soft breathing from the bed as you peacefully slumbered away.

In and out.

In and out.

In and out.

He timed his stitches with your breaths, pushing the needle through the felt and then back again as he sewed the two pieces of scrap fabric together. It was strange how difficult this was, willing his fingers to move while simply pushing and pulling a needle. His jaw would tense as his hand shook at times and failed to grasp the needle, and then he'd hear you let out a sigh and he'd relax again.

In and out.

In and out.

In and out.

Until the stitch was done.

Until he hushed the wild thoughts in his head and put his stress to bed.

Until he could no longer deny himself your company and he'd fall back to your side, finally delving into the depths of sleep.

He spent many days and nights like this, a fire ignited in his soul to hear your praise the first time.

"Seems like your stitched are getting tighter. Nice work there, Cap."

That was all he needed.

Your words. Your smile. The exigent that reflected in your beautiful eyes. You were proud of him, and it made him work all the harder as he sat with you in the room you had taken for your sewing. This place had been your sanctuary, something he once avoided entering to at least give you a little room for yourself on the ship, but now he found reassurance in it as well.

The whir of your sewing machine had become a comfort, able to drown out the buzz in his head as he worked beside you. Soft colorful fabrics lined the shelves in the wall and a half finished dress would decorate a mannequin or two. The both of you would drink coffee and chit chat as he tried to get lost in the motions of hand stitching pieces of scrap fabric together. 

He didn't want to constantly strain himself to move his arm.

He wanted it to be natural.

He wanted to use his hand without a second thought.

He wanted it to be like..

How it use to be.

But it could.. never really be like it use to be. 

And he struggled and struggled and struggled.

In the weeks that had dragged by, both you and Papyrus had picked up small gigs to help patch the hole his injury was leaving. 

Sans was... or had been.. the bread maker. 

He always prided himself on providing by running the docks, able to keep his rather lavish lifestyle alive by delivering cargo from overseas to sellers like the Fell brothers and the other croons of this city, but the two of you had insisted on him resting, so his businesses and trades had all but halted.

You were still far off from ever putting a dent in his savings, but the two of you worked regardless to ease his stress. 

..Because somehow, even having the back up funds prepared for events like this, didn't stop Sans from stressing.

The only part that annoyed him about it was that you had less time to teach him. You focused more on your commissions, so Sans would leave you in peace to your quiet room and stitch in his quarters.

He hadn't really decided what he wanted to work towards from stitching. It had simply become a tool to help train his fingers, so now that he could sew what was he suppose to do with the skill?

...

....

.....

It was a quiet afternoon in his quarters, the low hum of a forgotten radio on his desk as a deep voice rattled off the daily news mixed with a garble of static. Being so far out into the marine meant the reception wasn't good, but he could pick up key terms as the voice drawled on. Another murder on the west side, some more fights in the south and some re-election news. Not like it mattered who was in charge these days. The faces changed but at the end of the day these suits always lined their pockets with bloodied dollar bills. This city was rotted to it's core, just like it's people, and it'd stay that way until it was burned to the ground.

Sans' eyelights drifted down to the book in front of him.

'Stuffed Plushies For Beginners!'

The title almost felt condescending, just like the colorful pictures and simple wording that decorated each page. He still couldn't help but twist his frown deeper at the fact that you bought him a children's book of all things, paired with that sharp little grin of yours and that infectious laugher. It had been too much.. Which is why he snatched the damn thing out of your hands when you gave it to him. 

"To help decide what you want to do with your new skill! Maybe you can finally make something instead of just stitching scraps together you dork."

He would never turn down a challenge, especially from you, and he was eager to have your approval again.

"AND WHAT EXATLY SHOULD I SEW?"

"Just pick something you're interested in and sew it. They have a lot of animals in there! You do at least like one kind of animal, don't you?"

Dogs, because they were loyal.

Cats, because they could fend for themselves.

Birds, because of their freedom.

But making something based of them didn't quite appeal to Sans.

'Basic Plushie Pattern.'

...

"hey bro, i wanted to ask- oh my stars."

"AH-!" Sans inhaled, squeezing the doll in his grasp and nearly tearing at it with his claws. "YOU-! WOULD YOU KNOCK!?"

"you actually made a plushie of them. wow," his brother hummed, "and here i thought your obsession couldn't get any wo-"

WHOOMPH.

The pillow made direct contact with Papyrus' face, earning a laugh from the taller skeleton. Sans barked out a few more insults as his brother continued to giggle, admiring what he had finished so far. 

It.. looked like crap.

Some of the stitches were lopsided and others weren't uniform, but he wanted to see this through before his frustrations got the better of him. So with some encouragement from Papyrus he kept at it, finishing the body and then attaching the head.

"Pahahaha! Captain!"

"WHAT!?"

"You! Ehehe! You-! Of.. of me!"

"LOOK, JUST TELL ME IT'S TERRIBLE SO I CAN BE RID OF THE ACURSED THING ALRIGHT?"

"No! No. Absolutely not! I'm keeping this forever and you can never take it away from me!"

He gritted his teeth and attempted to wrestle the doll from your grasp but to no avail. You hugged it close and refused to relent, calling it precious and a testament to his efforts.

All of his hard work.. 

To a doll..

That looked like you.

"Are you going to make one of you?" you asked, letting out a few breaths as he finally gave up trying to grab the doll from your grasp.

"AND WHY WOULD I DO THAT?"

"Well I don't want them to be lonely."

...

How could he... ever argue with that.

So begrudgingly he sewed again, this time now more aware than ever of that 'thing' as it worked meticulously to create a replicate of itself. The doll's left arm, sewn together with a deep gray metallic fabric, now shared the same shame he did.

...

Strangely enough, it suited him.

...

"They look cute together."

"ONE ON THE RIGHT HAS SEEN BETTER DAYS."

"I still think he's pretty cute. He's trying his best, after all."

Well.. he certainly couldn't argue with that either.

[stars-are-just-ghosts]

Supernatural Isn’t Just A Show

I started watching Supernatural fifteen years ago, just like many of you. I followed the paths of two young men who hunted the evils in the world that the rest of us couldn’t have imagined on a good day. Vampires and demons and monsters. Greek gods, angels, Lucifer himself. The stories were heartfelt and humorous and dark and tender. They challenged us to see that monsters could be good, and being evil was a choice. They brought us into a reality of hope and fighting the whole world if it meant that your family was safe.

That’s what the show was really about, you see. The hunting and the laughter and the dark and everything in between was just the icing on the cake. The real story? That was family. Two brothers who came together and saved the world, again and again. Two brothers who fought side by side, and sometimes with each other, and always for what was right, even if the drawn line was hard to see. Two brothers whose devotion bled into the world around them and brought other amazing people into the fold. Two brothers who grew to have a circle of people who were the epitome of family, because ‘family don’t end with blood.’  Castiel and Charlie and Bobby and Kevin and Crowley and Jack and the list goes on. A list that extended beyond the characters, beyond the actors, beyond the show itself. One that includes you, me... JoAnn and Steven and Jeffrey.

Let me tell you about JoAnn.

Her daughter and I went to school together, a beautiful young woman named Sarah. Over the years I spent so much time at their house and with JoAnn that it was beyond easy to see them as family. And JoAnn became incredibly special to me. My mother and I have always had a strained, tumultuous relationship with very little in the way of affection. JoAnn, however, became the emotional mother I’d never had. We would laugh together (she had a killer sense of humor,) I would call her just to share something or vent (there was never a moment she wasn’t willing to listen,) she was able to hold all four of my babies after they were born (and they lovingly called her Auntie JoAnn.) And I even managed to get her addicted to Supernatural. 

She loved Dean, especially Dean’s rear end. (-wiggles brows-) 

Shortly before her first and only grandson was born, JoAnn became terminally ill and passed away. She never got to see her grandson, or hold him, or watch him grow up. I think about that all the time, especially when I see a picture of him that Sarah has posted. When I’m watching Supernatural, and Dean says something familiar or I remember a moment in the show that JoAnn particularly loved, I think about JoAnn and how much I wish she could have seen her grandbaby. And how much I wish her daughter, the lovely Sarah, could have experienced that, too. I wonder if JoAnn would have shared this show with her adorable little grandson. I miss that woman every day.

Now, let me tell you about Steven.

His father, Steve, is one of my best friends. I’ve known him for over twenty years. And when his three children were little, I used to babysit them. His son, Steven, was born with severe Cerebral Palsy. He was nonverbal, wheelchair bound, and was tube fed. But he was also the funniest, brightest, most happy boy I’d ever met. He had the most brilliant smile, and the greatest laugh. And whenever someone he loved or really liked walked into a room, his eyes would light up like stars. 

When Steven hit adulthood, I would help his Dad out when Steven was at his house. We liked to watch movies and tv shows together. And I offered up the suggestion of Supernatural. It became like tradition after that. We would all be there in the living room, Steven on the floor with his Dad, and we’d watch the episodes in order. It always made me happy, to be able to share that with them. 

About four years ago, Steven became ill, landing in the hospital. While there, his heart gave out. He passed away without ever having finished the show he had grown to love. Since then, his Dad hasn’t been able to watch anymore. It’s too painful. Too hard to think that Steven isn’t there to watch it with him. I understand completely. Because I’ll watch an old episode and remember Steven’s unabashed laughter. And I wish he was still here to watch it with us. I talked with Steve about giving it another try. He heard the show is ending soon, and I think he is finally ready to see it through, to finish it for both himself and his son. Let me tell you about Jeffrey.

Jeffrey has lived in NYC for over 20 years now. He is my big brother, and was diagnosed with different mental illnesses, including Borderline Personality Disorder. He’s still made a life for himself that makes him happy in a place I know for sure I would never survive in. (I’m a small town girl, through and through.) And it was because of my brother that I found out about GISHWHES. 

You have to understand, my brother doesn’t open up to people easily or step out of his comfort zone for just anyone or anything. But in doing this scavenger hunt? My brother walked around NYC in a robot costume, including taking the subway and walking crowded streets. He also wore a bikini made of lettuce, and not once was shy about it. He dove right in and gave it his all in order to help other people, and to this day I am still insanely proud of him for it. 

After everything he went through, from living on the subway for nearly two years (and never telling us) to going from corporate work (which he hated) to doing something he really loved (comic books, baby) to being hospitalized for suicidal tendencies to finally being diagnosed with things he had struggled with all his life but never had taken care of, and finally having a sense of mental health in a new job as a live-in dog nanny, this amazing man is finally happy. And when I think of that, I think of the video of him wandering around dressed as a robot because of GISHWHES.  Now, if you’ll bare with me... let me tell you about myself.

I am a pansexual woman married to my best friend with four amazing children. 

I have depression and anger issues that I have struggled most of life with. 

I have spent a good chunk of my adult life being a stay-at-home-mom and only now am going back to school to learn a new career. I have rescued and taken care of animals since I was 17, something my children have grown to love as well. And I am happier now than I have ever been. But it wasn’t always that way.

I had my best friend die in my arms when I was 12, that being my first experience with death and grief and unchecked anger. And I grew up a lonely kid who spent most of my time hiding how depressed I was, doing everything I could to take care of everyone else in my life, the majority of them never knowing how much I actually struggled with just living. The first love of my life was killed in a car accident when I was 16. My parents divorced when I was 17 and I dropped out of high school, working three jobs just so I wouldn’t be home with my mother. 

I was married to a selfish and controlling man at 18, had my first child at 19, second at 20, third at 23, and divorced at 23 with three small children and no job. I was terrified and didn’t know what I was going to do. Everything was up and down and inside out.

But I have a very clear memory of sitting down one night, after the kids had gone to sleep and the apartment was quiet and I was alone with nothing but my thoughts and the television… and a repeat episode of Supernatural (Season 2, Episode 16 – Roadkill) was on. (Spoilers ahead if you, by chance, have not seen this episode.)

In that moment, I was barely paying attention to it. I was a wreck, filled with guilt and fear. My face was covered in tears, and I was sobbing as I sat there and rocked with a pillow held in my grip (I oddly remember that pillow vividly because it had rough edges.) But as the episode progressed, I began to quiet. I remember listening intently to Sam and Molly as they sat on an old bed in Greeley’s home, looking at the letters he’d written to his wife. 

“It’s a love letter he wrote her… my God, it’s beautiful… I don’t understand how a guy like this can turn into a monster.” Molly said to Sam. I mirrored that sentiment, in my own way. (I know my situation wasn’t the same.) I’d married a man I’d thought I’d loved. A man I thought loved me. But his actions and selfishness lead to the downfall of our marriage, our family, and my (then) situation. But I had been the one to make the decision to end things, right? After everything he’d done, I couldn’t be with someone I couldn’t trust. And it wasn’t just about me… it was about our children. They needed a mother who was happy…

At the end of the episode, Molly is faced with the reality that she has been dead the entire time and that her husband David had already said his goodbyes, moving on without her.

“What am I supposed to do?” Molly asked, in tears.

“Just… let go. Of David. Of everything. You do that… we think you’ll move on.” Sam responded gently.

Isn’t that what I should be doing? I thought. Because by that point, I’d been stuck in grief and fear for months. I don’t think I knew it until that point, but I’d been holding onto it like a security blanket because it made sense, it seemed like I deserved it.

“But you don’t know where…” Molly responded, her voice still soft with tears.

“No... Molly, you don’t belong here. Haven’t you suffered long enough?” Sam asked. “It’s time… it’s time to go.”

I sat there in stunned silence. 

As odd as it sounds, it felt like he was talking to me. Because for years I’d tried to keep our marriage together because I thought I had to for our children. For years, I’d practically raised those three children alone. For months, I had sat in a holding pattern, waiting for my shoulders to finally break under all the weight from the failure I felt and the misery I was drowning in, doing everything I could to be a good mother with nothing to fall back on. But then I watched Molly walk into the light, tears streaming down her face, a smile ghosting across her lips, and I realized… I really had suffered long enough.

“You really think she’s going to a better place?” Dean asked after Molly moved on.

“I hope so.” Sam replied.

“I guess we’ll never know, not until we take the plunge ourselves, huh?” Dean said with half a smirk.

“Doesn’t really matter, Dean. Hope’s kind of the whole point.” Sam said.

And there it was. What I’d been missing. Hope. 

This show, these two actors, those two brothers opened my eyes to something that had been right in front of me the whole time. I didn’t know what the future would bring, I didn’t know what I was going to do next. But I was certain I had suffered enough. I was certain I needed to move on, for my children, for myself. And as the episode ended, I wiped my tears off my face, shut off the tv and kissed every one of my sleeping children a few dozen times. And I went to bed thinking about the depiction of that light, that hope.

Two years later, I married my best friend – the love of my life, a good man who never lies, never hurts me or my kids, lifts me up when I feel down, makes me laugh every day, treats me far better than I will ever think I deserve. We had a baby boy together, bringing our family to a total of four amazing kids who all call him Dad. We have our own home which we work so hard for, we have a plethora of animals who make every day adventurous, and I am finally on a career track I feel excited about. All because I decided to stop living in my suffering, and move on.

That is why this show is not ‘just a show.’ For me, anyway. Because of JoAnn and Steven and Jeffrey. Because of the hope I found with the show itself. And I know I am not alone in at least this sentiment.

Every season since, I have watched the episodes. I have followed the stories and witnessed the amazing things this fandom has done for each other and complete strangers. I have seen people’s lives changed by the show and the actors, I have been able to connect with other people I never would have known, and get closer to those I already did. I have shared this series with my children, who all love it and the main characters as much as I do.

And right now, as we get near the end of the series, I am not ashamed to admit that I am hurting. I feel a genuine heartache. A genuine loss. I feel like a part of my history is coming to a close. But like at that moment when my world was inside out and I was trapped in my own little hell, I have hope. 

I don’t know what waits for me. I never have. I don’t know what awaits any of us. But this show will never really die. The connections we’ve made, the way the stories and people have touched us… that never really goes away. 

Whether we watch Supernatural on repeat on a bad day, or follow the actors as they move on to new adventures, or get someone in our life to start watching it, this show will always be around. Just like hope. And… isn’t it like Sam said? “Hope’s kind of the whole point.”

So, hold on to hope. And message me if you’re grieving, if you need an ear from a fellow fan, or just someone to shoot Supernatural memes back and forth with. We’re a family. You, me, all of us. And I’ll always be here for you.

(P.S. I will ship Destiel till the bitter end.)

Love,

QuietDarkness (stars-are-just-ghosts)

[13dead-ends]

Chapter Three Dates and Parties

Henry Cavill x Named OC

Chapter Three of Blood Bound

Summary: Nina’s adjusting to life in London and to working as Henry’s donor. She starts to realize that there’s more than just fancy outings and parties that come with the pay raise.

Word Count: 6k

Warnings: mentions of blood, blood drinking, wrist biting/wounds, swearing, mentions and descriptions of a riot/protest, drinking.

A/N: Chapter three yay! I really hope you all enjoy it! @hellcaster901​ watched as i suffered through a block to get this out. If i missed any warnings on this chapter or any other chapter let me know! Happy reading :)

           I couldn’t go back to sleep again, so I went to the kitchen to start dinner. I found pasta and sauce. I thought about Henry telling me to eat a big dinner and then the dream. I groaned and shook my head. Stop thinking about that. I focused on my spaghetti and watched the clock. Irene would be calling soon too. It didn’t take long to make, and I ate while watching Netflix. I sighed, thinking about binging The Witcher for the first time with Irene, we ate dinner on the couch like this so many times. I looked at my clock and she still wouldn’t call for half an hour. I finished and cleaned up, and then it was right about time for her to call me. I laid in bed and stared at my phone, waiting for her to call me. Soon her drunk selfie filled my phone screen for a facetime.

           “Ello mate,” Irene said in a terrible accent.

           “Please no accents.” I laughed at her. “How are you?”

           “Good, lonely.”

           “Aw, Irene.” I missed her bad.

           “Just keep my mind of it by telling me everything.” I told her about the flight, Penny, and gave her a little tour of the apartment.

           “Wait, Henry Cavill saw that picture of me?” She groaned. I had told her about Henry’s random compliment of my costume.

           “Hey, we looked awesome.”

           “Yeah, but I’m in a fucking orange wig.” I snorted.

           “You’ll have to come visit me. Then he can see your real hair.”

           “Of course I will. We’ll have to plan it.” She smiled. “Okay, tell me about Henry, how was it today? Did he feed yet? Has he-“

           “Irene chill out.” I chuckled. “But yes, he fed today.” She waggled her eyebrows. “He was nice.” I couldn’t think of words for what had happened today.

           “Nice? Nice? You’re gonna have to give me more than that.” I rolled my eyes.

           “It was different than before. I don’t know.” She tilted her head.

           “He is a million times more attractive.” Thinking of him in that tank top, in between my legs… “I don’t know how you don’t just combust at the site of him.”

           “Me neither, girl.” I took a big breath.

           “Have you been putting on the moves?” I scoffed.

           “Irene, he’d paying me.” She rolled her eyes.

           “Well, I heard that Mark Strong, who’s with Positive, had a relationship with a donor.” I sighed. I wasn’t sure what the rules were with that. Well, I guess in all the paperwork I had to go through there never was any mention of that.

           “I don’t know. It could get complicated.” I sighed it was hard to tell how something like this could pan out.

           “But you can’t tell me you haven’t thought about it.” My cheeks burned.

           “No, I guess I can’t.” I muttered and she cackled.

           “I knew it!”

           “I fucking had a dream about him, Irene.” Her jaw dropped.

           “Tell me everything, immediately.” After talking with her for a while, I needed to go to bed and she needed to go to work. It didn’t take long for me to fall asleep after hanging up.

 I stared at my closet, looking for something to wear. It was still nice out, but it would turn into fall soon and I wanted to wear something summery before it does. Henry had finally gotten a full day off so, he was taking me around the city today. I basically got to be tourist for the day. I had told him I wanted to see The Crown Jewels, but that was my only must. I was curious to see what he’d pick for me to see. I found a skirt and shirt to wear, and shoes easy to walk in. As I pulled my shirt over my head my phone rang.

           “Hello?” It was Henry.

           “Nina, good morning.”

           “Good morning,” I smiled into the phone.

           “I’m leaving to come get you now, are you ready?”

           “Yes, I am.” I looked in my mirror, my makeup simple so it wouldn’t melt off if it got hot.

           “Alright, great.” I squeezed the phone in between my shoulder and ear and began putting on my shoes.

           “I’m excited.”

           “Me too. I’ll see you soon.”

           “See you.” I hung up and got my shoes on. I went out and made sure I had everything together. I was so excited that I was pretty much ready before Henry would get here. I sighed and sat on my couch.

           If you don’t send me pictures of Henry while on your date today, I swear.

           I laughed at the text Irene sent.

           I’ll try, and it’s not a date. Go to bed.

           I didn’t wait for a reply and just scrolled through my phone until Henry got here. He knocked on my door and I grabbed my bag, all but skipping to the door.

           “Hey, ready to go?” He smiled at me.

           “I am! Let’s go,” He held the door open for me as I stepped out.

           “Someone’s excited.”

           “Well yes, of course I am.” I grinned up at him and he chuckled.    

           “I’m glad I finally get to show you around.” He had a hand on the small of my back as we got to the elevator. My skin tingled underneath the fabric of my shirt. He pressed the down button and it didn’t take long for it to open.

           “Where are we going first?”

 I stared at the glittering jewels in the glass case. They were beautiful and I couldn’t believe they existed. “You’ll fog up the glass,” Henry’s voice was right by my ear. I jumped at his sudden proximity to me. I bumped into his chest and he steadied me.

           “You scared me.” I could see his smirk in the reflection of the glass.

           “Come on, there’s still more to see.” He pulled me away by my elbow and I looked back at the pretty gems one more time. We went through the rest of Westminster and then he took me to the Eye. A giant Ferris wheel on the Thames. I stared up at it, the thing was intimidating.

           “Are you scared of heights?” Henry had our tickets in his hand, he stood next to me.

           “I don’t think so,” I chewed on my lip. “But that’s pretty high.”

           “You’ll be fine.” He smiled at me. “Shall we?” We waited in line for a bit and then he helped me on to the compartment. It was a little glass oval, so you could see outside from all angles. After jumping on the moving thing, we made our way up. The view of the city getting bigger and bigger.

           “It’s amazing.” I got closer to the window to see everything. I took a picture for Irene.

           “It’s beautiful.” He was standing next to me, arms crossed. I looked around the compartment. There wasn’t a lot of people in it, and they didn’t really notice that Henry Cavill was in here. I pursed my lips. When I looked back out the glass, we were almost at the top. I gulped, looking down into the Thames. I let out a little gasp and Henry’s hand found a place on my waist. The same tingles from before we’re there this time, my shirt was a little bunched up and my skin touched his.

           “That don’t look down thing is pretty good advice.” I muttered and He chuckled. The wheel circled back, around and we got off, Henry holding my hand as I did. He let go once I was off completely. I let him lead me down the side of the Thames.

“How about we go get something to eat?” He asked.

“Yes please.” I looked over at the Thames and boat floating through it. “Where are we going?”

“I remembered you saying something about sushi,” I smiled. “I think you’ll like this place.” We didn’t have to walk far and being this close to the river the temperature was perfect. It was such a good day for this. When we arrived I could already tell this place was fancy. I caught a little sign on the door window that said vampire owned and ran. Inside was a pretty dark-haired women at the hostess station. She smiled at us when we walked in.

“Hello! How many?”

“Just two, please.” She grabbed menus and lead the way. In the dining room was the normal looking place, but all the booths had dividers so you could be separated from other people. A lot of places like these popped up. It accommodates the vampires who want to feed in private while their donors ate as well. He’d feed again today. It had been about a week since he was at my apartment. It was about time. “A booth would be great.” She took us to the booth and we ordered drinks. I just stuck to water and looked at the menu.

“Get whatever you like.” The sugar daddy part of this arrangement was really nice when it came to food. When we ordered, Henry didn’t get anything, and when the waitress left, he shut the curtain that cut off our booth.  I thought of how it felt last time and swallowed. I felt like Henry would catch every little reaction I had. I couldn’t think about him too much, or that dream.

“What did your family think of you moving?” He asked suddenly. I took a breath.

“Well, I’m not really on speaking terms with most of my family, so I’m not sure.” I forced a laugh to make it less depressing, but he looked at me with a furrowed brow.

“Can I ask why?”

“They weren’t really into the idea of me donating like this.” I sighed.

“And you still do?”

“There’s nothing wrong with it. It’s been a really good way to make money and pay off loans. I’m okay with it and that’s all that matters.” He nodded. “What’s your family like?”

“I have four brothers.” I raised my eyebrows. “And our mum and dad.”

“Wow, what a lady. Raising four boys.” He smiles big.

“Yeah she’s the best.” He looked away for a second. “Did you go to University at all?” I guess it was twenty questions time.

“Yeah, I majored in English and Journalism.”” His eyebrows raised.

“A writer? Why don’t you do that?”

“Well, I do. I write articles for a little website sometimes, but after losing two book deals after graduating, I just, I don’t know.” I shrugged. I still wrote like crazy sometimes but kept it in journals. I didn’t even type them anymore.

“Why don’t you get back into it?” I chewed on my lip.

“That’s a good question.” I sighed. “I still write on my own. I just don’t really have the confidence to put much of it out there.” His face softened.

“I bet if you did it would do well.” He smiled.

“Well, thanks, but you haven’t even read my writing yet.” I laughed.

“Still, don’t sell yourself short.” He looked at me, his blue eyes seeing right through me, but in the gentlest way possible.

“I’m not really sure if this is a comfortable question, but how were you turned?” I didn’t know much about how the change worked. I’m pretty sure it’s something to do with the way you’re buried. I never asked questions, but I felt like I could with Henry. “You totally don’t have to answer that.” He shook his head.

“That’s a long story. For another time if you don’t mind.” He didn’t look at me, and I figured it was a touchy subject. I wanted to know more, but if he didn’t want to tell me…

“Sorry,” He shook his head, his smile returning, but it was smaller. “Did it hurt? Changing?”

“It was kind of like falling asleep and waking up, just as something else.” I nodded.

“Is any of your family a vampire too?”

“No, just me.” He pursed his lips. “Did you ever ask your last client these questions?” I tucked my hair behind my ear.

“Not really, he didn’t talk that much.” I sighed. “Sorry, I’m grilling you. Just tell me to shut up if it’s too much.” He laughed.

“It’s alright. What’s this website you write for?”

“It’s just a little site, kind of like Buzzfeed. I write articles about donor news mostly.” He nodded.

“I’ll have to check it out.” I shook my head. “What? You don’t want me to?”

“No, yes. It’s fine.” I gave him the website and he pulled it up on his phone immediately. “Not now!” In a panic I reached for his phone and obviously he was too quick for me. The phone all but disappeared from my sight. He was so fast.

“I’ll look later.” He smirked at me.

“How fast are you?” My eyes were wide.

“Very fast and strong.”

“That’s why you do your own stunts.” I leaned my chin on my hand. “What else can you do?”

“My senses are the same as yours, if your senses were magnified by a 100.”

“Are they really?” I leaned forward.

“Yes, it’s like everything I see, or touch, is more intense than when I was a human.” I thought of the way he held my wrist when he fed. How did my skin felt to him?

“That must be amazing.”

“It’s overwhelming. At first.” Suddenly the waitress came by with our food and left quickly.

“I-“My phone ringing cut me off. I huffed. Who was calling me? “Let me see who that is.” I pulled out my phone and saw Irene’s picture. I furrowed my brows; she knew I was going to be with Henry all day. Plus it was the middle of the night there. She wouldn’t call unless she had to.

“Irene? What’s up?” I answered.

“Nina! Oh my god, are you okay? Where are you?”

“Yes, I’m fine. I’m with Henry. Why?”

“Have you not heard? There was a huge riot at the Positive building in London. I was binging a show all night and I saw news footage.”

“What?” Henry and I made eye contact. He pulled out his phone and started looking it up.

“Yeah, I wasn’t sure if you would be there today. I wanted to call.” She sighed.

“No, we haven’t been there today.” I had only been to the building once since I’ve been here. It wasn’t as big as the one in LA but had the same resources. “What did you read?”

“They were protesting the donors, shitting on vamps too. Then someone broke a window or something. Shit hit the fan and cops were all over. It looked kind of crazy.” I rubbed my temple. This was a normal occurrence in this line of work. People still didn’t like this.

“Thanks for checking on me.”

“I was just worried. I wanted to make sure.” I nodded.

“Well, you should get to bed, okay?”

“Okay. Text me later.”

“I will.” I hung up and took a deep breath. Henry was watching a video of the riot, now. He turned it so I could watch with. A large group of people holding signs stood in front of the building. The signs said things like donors are sinners and vampire whores. I cringed at them. They were directed at people like me. The front glass door suddenly shattered and the camera shook. Some of the protesters ran in, and others just stayed, yelling at who ever came close. I clenched my jaw and leaned back on the booth.

“Fucking psychos.” I mumbled. I crossed my arms.

“Did you deal with that a lot in LA?” I nodded, looking up. “It happens here every now and then.”

“It’s not that hard for them to mind their business.” I decided to focus on the food instead of the riot. I’d do my research tonight and probably write an article, but right now I didn’t feel like dealing with it. Henry put his phone away and sighed.

“How is it?” I smiled.

“It’s great! Thank you for bringing me.”

“Of course. It’s a good place.”

“Very private.” I raised my eyebrows.

“That’s what I like.” He smirked. “When you’re finished, I’d like to eat as well, if you’re okay with that?” I nodded.

“Of course.” I said mouth full of rice. I swallowed. “Sorry,” He just grinned at me, laughing under his breath. After getting my fill of the rolls, Henry stacked the dishes, pushing them out of the way. I held my arm out across the table, chewing on the inside of my cheek.

“Thank you,” Henry leaned forward and took my hand, just as delicate as before. He kissed the inside of my wrist. I kept my eyes opened as his fangs pierced my skin once again. The warmth from him came back and my toes curled. Chills ran up my back as I watched him take my blood. His eyes were shut and his hands were big around my arm. His lips were pillow soft on my skin. I let my eyes flutter shut for the rest. Basking in the feeling it gave me.

“Are you good?”He finished but my eyes hadn’t opened.

“Yep, I’m alright.” I opened them just in time to see him wipe a tiny speck of red off his mouth. I absently licked my lips. I took a long drink of water, I still felt the feeling lingering, the ghost of his lips still on my skin.

“What got you into this?” I grabbed a bandage out of my purse for my wounds.

“I girl in my dorm told me about it my first year of college. I would only donate at labs at first, and it got me some extra cash.” When started opening the band aid Henry held out his hand for it. I handed it to him and stretched my arm out again. “My last two summers I would get a lot of money for my blood specifically. I stopped after I graduated, but when I didn’t get a book deal, I came back.” Henry nodded, and stuck the bandage on, smoothing it with the pad of his thumb.

“There,” he smiled at me. “You ready to go?” I nodded and Henry paid and we left. We stayed away from the Positive building, there wasn’t really a plan to go there but now we avoided it. I was just happy to let Henry be my tour guide. He took me to local places I would’ve never heard of if he wasn’t with me. It was a fun afternoon.

“Did you have fun?” Henry was at my door; I had stepped inside while he had his feet planted in the hallway.

“Yes, today was wonderful.” I grinned at him. “Did you?”

“I did.” He smiled too. “I do have somewhere to be so I’m going get out of here. Good night, Nina.”

“Thank you so much for today, and goodnight.” I hesitated, but he walked off, so I shut the door and leaned against it. My eyes were shut, and I took a deep breath. It was such a good day. I went to my couch and turned on the TV. Of course, similar footage to the video on Henry’s phone splayed over my screen. I chewed on my lip. I had almost forgotten Irene’s frantic call. I turned up the volume listening to the reporter on screen.

“There was significant damage to the front windows of the building, but no one was hurt during the attack.” I sighed. That’s good to hear. “Police are investigating possible suspects.” I listened to the news for a little while, there wasn’t much information yet, just more videos and interviews with people who were there. I changed it eventually and just ordered food for dinner, my feet started to feel the effects of walking around all day. It was easy to fall asleep that night.

 A few weeks and visits with Henry later, I stared at myself in my mirror. I was wearing a black floor length dress with glittery sequins in lines down the entire thing. I had splurged for this evening party for the company. It was the London location’s 10-year anniversary and they were having a celebration. Sarah and Kari would even be there. Kari had emailed me asking if I wanted to be sat next to her. It was an assigned seats kind of party, so with Henry’s pay checks kicking in, I got a nice dress. I even curled my hair and winged my eyeliner. Obviously, employees and donors could go. What I didn’t know until this morning was that clients were invited as well. I was glad I got the dress. If there was a chance that he might be there I wanted to look good. I smoothed the dress down and took a deep breath. It’s okay if he’s not there. You got this dress for yourself. My phone ringing brought me out of my thoughts. It was my Uber, here to pick me up.

           The party was being held at a very fancy hotel downtown. It towered over me as I stepped out of the car. I walked up to the door and a door man held it open for me. I thanked him and gripped my small purse in my hands. Inside was a beautiful room with two large desks on both sides. A fountain surrounded by a few comfortable looking couches was in the center. I turned to a woman at the desk, she looked up at me and raised an eyebrow. I cleared my throat.

           “Could you tell me where the Positive party is?” I smiled at her.

           “Do you let those things bite you?” I stepped back at the bluntness of her question.

           “I-“

           “I’m so sorry, Ms, the party is down the hall on your left.” A man came from a door behind the desk, gesturing toward the hall. I only nodded and walked off. What the hell was that? I didn’t look back at the girl and just went straight to the open grand double doors. I heard light music playing from them and golden light spilled out onto the floor. I turned and saw a large ballroom. Chandeliers hung from the ceiling, and large white tables surrounded a dance floor. I blinked at the beautiful place.

           “Hi there!” I turned to my right to see a table filled with names and seat numbers. “What’s the last name?” A smiling women sat behind it all.

           “Locke.” I told her, trying to see if Henry’s name was anywhere.

           “Nina?” I nodded. “Table 17.” She handed me the number and I thanked her, then walked out to find the table.

           “Nina! Over here!” A few tables a head is where Kari sat, waving me over. I walked quickly over to her. “You’re next to me.” She patted the chair next to her. I sat down, admiring the pretty dishes set up in front of me. “You look beautiful.”

           “Thank you. So, do you.” She did. She wore a gown that fit her figure perfectly.

           “How have you been? Do you like London?” She smiled at me.

           “Yes, it’s amazing. How are you?” We did a little small talk and then other people came and sat down. A girl sitting next to me.

           “Nina, this is Abbey, another donor.” I shook her hand, she had pink lip gloss and blonde hair. “Abbey this is Nina.”

           “Hello, welcome to London. Kari told me you just moved.” She smiled.

           “Yeah, are you from here?” She nodded. “How long have you been donating?” I loved meeting other donors. I liked hearing their experiences.

           “Around five years.”

           “She’s Tom Hiddleston’s favorite.” Kari nudged me and my eyes widened.

           “You’re Tom Hiddleston’s donor?” She rolled her eyes at Kari.

           “Yes, he’s a good client.”

           “Oh, he’s more than that.” I furrowed my brows.

           “What do you mean?” I asked.

           “They definitely sleep together.” A man with curly hair came and sat on the other side of Kari. My mouth fell open a little. “I’m James by the way.” He smiled at me. “I’m a donor as well.

           “James is very mouthy.” Abbey glared at him.

           “I didn’t realize you were allowed to-“

           “Oh, the company doesn’t get involved with your relationships.” Kari told me.

           “Oh wow.” I mumbled. I looked behind me at the door and didn’t see him. I imagined myself giving in to the feeling his feeding gave me. What if I did? It wouldn’t matter contract wise. I shut my eyes for a second and took a breath. They began talking about their lives and I listened, getting served drinks and dinner as we spoke. James was a donor for multiple people, one including Lady Gaga. Before she was Tom Hiddleston’s donor, Abbey was a donor for a really rich engineer. He had given her yacht for her birthday last year. I couldn’t believe half the stories they told me. They gossip about other donors too, and I never realized how competitive it could be.

           “A lot of ladies were mad when they found out Henry Cavill had picked a donor.” I had told them who my client was, and everyone’s attention was on me.

           “Really?” I looked between the three.

           “Oh yeah, his profile was very popular.” Kari took a drink of wine. I wondered again why he picked me. “He wanted me to get it to you first though.” She looked at me. “Have you and him…” She nudged me and I shook my head.

           “No, nothing like that.” I gulped.

           “Is he coming at all tonight?” I had been looking at the door throughout all of dinner. He wasn’t here yet, so why would he show up now?

           “I don’t know. We never even spoke about this. I only just found out clients were coming this morning.” Abbey sighed.

           “Tom isn’t here either.” She crossed her arms over her stomach. “Filming.” Henry had told me he’d start filming soon. I wonder how that will affect how much I get to see him. The waiters took our plates and the dance floor was opened up. Abbey and Kari went out there and James was talking to some one who had come over from another table. I got up to get another drink. Maybe if I had something a little stronger, I’d be confident enough to dance. I held my dress up as I walked over. I ordered a screwdriver and a shot. I felt drained from the socializing. The bartender handed me the drinks and I tipped him. I took the shot and my face scrunched up at the taste.

           “Damn it.” I cursed.

           “Didn’t taste good?” I jumped and turned around. Henry was standing there chuckling at the empty shot glass still in my hand.

           “Shit, you scared me.” I set the glass down.

           “Sorry,” He smiled at me. “I’m not sure if the shot means it’s been a good night or a bad one?” I licked my still bitter lips.

           “It’s fine, it’s a good night. Being social just gets to be a lot sometimes.” I chuckled, my neck feeling warm from the booze. “How’s your night?”

           “Great, I’m glad I decided to come.”

           “Why’s that?”

           “I wasn’t sure if you were coming, and I would’ve been bored if you weren’t here.” I couldn’t help but grin up at him.

           “I’m glad you came too.” We stood at the bar and talked, I liked his stories better than the drama Abbey and James spoke about. He had started training for the next season of The Witcher, he told me about the moves he learned, and I was hanging on his every word.

           “So basically, when I turn around the sword will-“ We looked up as someone called Henry’s name. “Oh, that’s a friend. I’ll be right back.” I just nodded and leaned on the bar. I had got most of the drink down and hearing the music made me want to go dance. As I took another drink a beautiful, curvy, red headed women stood at the bar a few feet away from me. She was hard not to stare at, but when my eyes met hers, I froze. She was staring right back at me. One perfect eyebrow raised; lips pursed. If looks could kill.

           “Nina! Come on, you have to dance a little.” Kari had run up from the dance floor. She grabbed my arm and pulled me back with her. The girl flicked her hair over her shoulder and turned away. Who the hell was that? Kari didn’t give me time to think as she spun me around, forcing me to dance with her and Abbey. I don’t know how long I danced before the music changed to something slower. Almost from muscle memory I began walking off the floor, but just before I got to the edge I was stopped by Henry. He held a hand out to me.

           “Do you want to dance?” I smiled and took his hand. It was colder than mine. He pulled me close, a modest grip on my waist, but his touch felt good. He held one hand up and I placed my other one on his shoulder. My heart was racing.

           “I’m probably not very good.” I looked down at my feet as we began moving.

           “You were doing fine with your friends.” I looked back up at him and he was smirking at me. “Just relax. I can hear your heart beating.”

           “So, you can hear that.” He rolled his eyes. It felt like he was gliding me over the floor.

           “Yes, I always can.” He whispered and a shiver ran up my spine. “You look beautiful by the way. I don’t think I’ve mentioned that.”

“Thank you,” I looked back down at my feet, to make sure I wouldn’t step on him.

“Look up at me, don’t worry about your feet.”

“It’s not mine I’m worried about. I feel like I’m gonna step on you.” I laughed, and so did he.

“You’re fine. You haven’t stepped on me yet.” I nodded.

“True,” I tried to keep my eyes on him, but sometimes his blue eyes were hard to stare into. It made me feel vulnerable, but almost in a good way.

“I saw your article.” That’s when I almost tripped.

“You did?” I had written an article about the riot at the company. It became the top story on the site within a few hours. I was pretty proud of it. I wanted to lace the danger of the riot with my background of donating. I wanted to show how protesting something that’s my choice is wrong.

“Yes, it was amazing. It was very beautifully written. I could almost hear you reading it to me.” My face broke out into a grin and I forgot completely about my feet.

“Really? You liked it?” My heart felt like it was going to burst.

“Of course I did! I found other ones you’ve written as well. I loved them.” He never lost eye contact with me I knew he wasn’t just saying it.

“That means a lot to me, to hear you say that.” I wasn’t used to getting face to face feedback. Since moving over seas, I mostly communicated to the website online and through phone calls, plus the comments from readers were all on the website itself. Hearing Henry say these things out loud made me proud. “I’m surprised with how popular it got.”

“You shouldn’t be. It was a good piece.” My grin never stopped as he spoke. “I want to read more of your work.” He pulled me in tighter as another couple came close to my back. My chest was brushing his now.

“Can I ask you something?” Man, that shot must me working.

“Of course.”

“Why did you request me?” He tilted his head.

“Well, at first it was your blood type.” I nodded.

“I hear it’s very popular.” He chuckled.

“Yes, but something about your profile made me curious, plus you had experience. I thought it may be better that at least one of us knew how it was gonna go.” It made sense. “Not to mention you’re beautiful.” A blush rose from my neck to my face and my skin felt hot.

“Thank you. You’re definitely way more attractive than my last client.” He burst out laughing, stopping our movements for a second.

“Glad to hear it.” I laughed, the heat under my skin still not going away. The song ended and he lead me off the dance floor, my arm hooked in his elbow. “Where’s your table?” I lead him to it and he kept my arm locked through his, so close that my dress brushed his leg. I felt hyper aware of his closeness. At the table everyone was sitting down again, but a familiar red head was in my seat. I furrowed my brows.

“Nina!” Kari’s cheeks were pink and there was a few shot glasses stacked on the table. “You missed shots, but I see now that you were busy.” Everyone turned around, including the red head.

“That’s okay.” I smiled at them.

“I’m Lila, by the way.” She smiled and her white teeth blinded me. She held out her hand, but it wasn’t to me, it was to Henry. He let me go as he shook it she didn’t bother to offer a hand shake to me.

“I’m Henry, and this is Nina.” Henry touched the small of my back, a little lower than he did while dancing.

“Nice to meet you. You’re obviously a client, I’m a donor at Positive.” Lila finally decided to turn to me. “And what do you do here?” I blinked.

“She’s my donor, actually.” Henry cut in and I smiled at her. Her eyes narrowed at me.

“Oh isn’t that just-“

“Wonderful! Nina’s adjusting quite well to the company.” Kari rubbed my shoulder. “Aren’t you, Nina?”

“Yes, it’s wonderful here.”

“Anyways, Lila you’re in Nina’s seat and they’re about to serve dessert.” Kari ushered the women out of the chair.

“I’ll be seeing you around.” She said, only looking at Henry. When she was gone, I let my brow furrowed. What the hell was that?

“You better get to your seat as well, Henry.” Kari patted his arm.

“Come find me before you go?” Henry turned to me.

“Yeah, of course.” He kissed my cheek and walked across the room to his table. I sat down at mine and fiddled with a fork.

“Oh shit, you pissed her off.” James was giggling in his seat. “She hates you.”

“What did I do? Who even is she?” I leaned forward. I needed everything these guys knew about her.

“She likes to call herself high-profile. She only donates to people with money or fame. She’s just greedy.” Kari rolled her eyes. I’m surprised she would even speak about her like this. “She lost us two donors in two months because she wanted their clients.” My jaw dropped.

“As soon as Henry Cavill’s profile hit the website, she was on him. Obviously he picked you, so it didn’t matter, but she wanted Henry.” Abbey shook her head. “She’s just a bitch. That’s all I have to say.” I saw her a few tables over, red hair cascading down her back.

“So she doesn’t like me because Henry choose me and not her.”

“Don’t worry about her, Nina. She’s just petty. There isn’t much she can do anyways.” I couldn’t help but think that if Henry ever wanted another donor, he could have her. The thought made my stomach churn. She looked over her shoulder and smirked at me. I looked away.

“You and Henry looked good out there.” James winked. I looked around and found Henry already looking at me. He smiled as we made eye contact. I smiled back until he got distracted by somebody at his table.

“He’s such a gentleman.” Kari gushed and I wondered if Henry heard that. “You picked a good one Nina.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Taglist: 

@xxxkatxo @omgkatinka​ @thatgirly81​

thank you so much for asking to be tagged! Message me if you’d like to be tagged too!

[sincerelyreidburke]

Ok I don't mean to be dramatic but I love Quinn and I would literally DIE for him. I just want to know literally everything about him

Anon, SAME. Quinn is my child and I love him so much. You know how the other day, I had someone ask for Rhodey facts, so I made this post? I’m using your ask as an excuse……… it’s time for Quinn facts!!!!!!!!!

(The newest installment of the cricket series, which can be found right here, features Quinn’s introduction.)

Anyway!!! Facts time.

TW: addiction (not him but a relative); difficult family situation

- Quinn is from Grand Rapids, Michigan, and he’s at college on a full-ride academic scholarship. He wouldn’t be able to go to college without help, because he……….. sort of comes from a very broken home. He lives with his grandparents on his dad’s side, and while they give him a place to sleep, they aren’t the greatest guardians.

- The reason he lives with his grandparents is because his mom has gone off the map after several stints in rehab and his dad is serving a pretty hefty sentence in prison for something related to drugs.

- Quinn is a fantastic actor because he’s spent his entire life pretending everything is okay when it’s not. :)

- I’m so sorry. Okay, enough about his depressing home life. Or at least let’s make the transition out of it. Quinn emerges from a troubled childhood surprisingly stable in terms of his mental health, mostly thanks to the escapism that art like music and acting provided him with during his formative years. We won’t do a deep psychological dive on Quinn right now, but once he gets to college, he’s much better off.

Wooo! I promise this will get a lot less heavy. More Quinn facts under the cut!

- Quinn is deaf! There’s a tiny little tidbit in his introduction fic where Nando realizes he’s wearing hearing aids. This was a part of his character that sort of hit me out of the blue, and once it came I knew it was going to stick. He used to be able to hear a little, but his hearing loss got worse as he got older, so he can’t hear pretty much anything at all without the hearing aids in. He has a medically-mandated single dorm room, which may become important later, :), and he has a lot of really lovely ways of experiencing his other four senses which I’d honestly like to write an entire fic about, so more on that soon. I think.

- He’s a chemistry major, which comes out of left field when it’s the second thing you learn about his interests after theatre, but theatre for him is very much a passionate hobby that he could never see becoming a job. He’s very academically gifted, and his plans after college include medical school.

- Because I’m a headass, apparently, I’ve amassed a brief (non-exhaustive) list of roles Quinn has played in musicals, so, in no particular order:

- Barnaby in Hello, Dolly!, Seymour in Little Shop of Horrors, Bert in Mary Poppins, maybe even the Scarecrow in Wizard of Oz at one point, and then during his freshman year of college, because this is my party and I said so, he gets cast as Evan Hansen. I will write about that at some point because I need it in my life.

- Quinn is…….. sort of a pain in the ass, but in the most unintentional way possible. I mean this to say that he is small but mighty, and he’s sort of…. formal to the point of being a little fussy sometimes? He has Felix from The Odd Couple energy. Also Edna Mode energy.

- Like, seriously, if he’s on the crew for a show instead of the cast and you don’t have your shit together backstage and you’re holding up the productivity of the production, he will stand on a chair and chew you out.

- Not to be like, haha, spoilers, but since he and Nando do in fact become a couple, I can step in here and say that Nando is slightly terrified of grouchy Quinn for this reason, but in a healthy way. Quinn will, for example, chide him for trying to get into bed to cuddle when he still smells like hockey. Like, “no, no sir, not in my bed, Sebastián”—

- — and yes, by the way, Quinn refuses to call him anything but Sebastián.

- But anyway, Rhodey says Nando is whipped. This isn’t “Nando & Quinn facts” (I’ll do that if someone asks in a heartbeat, though), but Rhodey and Nando definitely have this conversation:

Nando: I am not whipped.

Rhodey: Dude, yes you are. If you look up ‘whipped’ in the dictionary, there’s a picture of Quinn dragging you across campus by the ear.

Nando: >:(

- He is extremely handy with a sewing machine (he made that Warbler costume!!!!!) and he can knit. He wears scarves religiously in the winter, and I mean religiously; you can’t find him going to class without one. He’s the kind of person who would wear dress shoes on a plane. (He hates to travel, but. You get the picture.) He doesn’t own a pair of jeans, and the most informal he will ever get is stealing Nando’s big hockey sweatshirt.

- He’s literally like five foot five.

- Nando can pick him up with one arm.

I definitely could have more to say about him, but I should stop for this post before it gets out of hand. My ask box is very much open if you want to say/ask anything or just shout at me about any of these boys. And I’m going to tag Quinn under “crickets” from this point forward, because, as we have discussed, he’s pretty much one.

Thank you very much for the ask!!!!!!!!

[hellzyeahthewebwieldingavenger]

Why (most of) the 2010s Marvel legacy characters didn’t work

For Marvel characters I think it comes off as profoundly undermining when they get legacies, at least in the specific way Marvel attempted this throughout the 2010s.

To explain this we need to actually first look at DC’s characters in order to compare and contrast why legacies for them tend to work out better than they do for Marvel.

Simply put back in the 1930s-1950s (if not even later) DC’s characters were almost always created as powers first, people second. Wish fulfilment fantasy figures over flawed mere mortals.

Consequently you could legacy Green Lantern and the Flash in the 1950s and then do so again in the 1980s-1990s because so so long as you had a guy with a ring and another guy with super speed you were retaining the essence of both characters, the fundamental point and appeal of them.

But the Marvel characters were the other way around and practically deliberately designed to be so. 

Thor was the story of the life and times of Thor Odinson. Spider-Man was the story of the life and times of Peter Parker. The Fantastic Four was never the story about a brainiac who stretched, a girl who could go invisible, a kid who could burst into flame and a guy who looked like a rock monster. 

It was about a stern scientist obsessed with his work. A nurturing young woman who loved him but was frustrated by his tendency to get lost in his work. Her younger brother interested in sports cars, girls, excitement and other typically hot headed teenage endeavours. And an average Joe who was tortured and depressed that he was no longer human. 

Ben Grimm could’ve looked like any kind of monster and the central point of his character would have been retained. The F4′s specific powers, complemented their personalities, but they were not the driving point unto themselves. 

In contrast let us consider Captain America, probably the Marvel character who’s done the ‘replacement legacy hero’ storyline the most (at least within 616 canon). How comes he  lends himself so much better to this type of story than the other Marvel characters? 

Simple, because unlike most of the big name Marvel characters you know of, he wasn’t created in the 1960s or beyond. Cap was the product of the 1940s and was a peer to those same early days super heroes from the Golden Age, including the original Green Lantern and Flash. Like them he began fundamentally more as a symbol and powerset than a person. 

But now flashing forward to the 21st century many (most in my view) Flash fans were upset (and continue to be so) Wally West’s ascension to the Flash mantle was undermined and ultimately undone for the sake of restoring Barry Allan to the spotlight. The reason for this upset when Wally himself had replaced Barry? Wally had proven himself a far more flawed, nuanced and complex character than Barry had ever been. 

He demonstrated a degree of characterisation in the Flash role that Barry never had. It wasn’t even that he simply had more of this than Barry, but that Barry, just like Jay Garrick preceding him, had little to speak of in the first place. Thus the contrast between Jay and Barry was mostly superficial but the contrast between Barry and Wally was as stark as comparing Spider-Man to 1950s Superman.*

But Wally West, and the entire DC Universe from Post-Crisis onwards in fact, were in that mould precisely because they were trying to be more like Marvel comics has been since the 1960s onwards. 

DC in effect began prioritising the people beneath the costumes over the powers.** But Marvel starting in the 1960s had pretty much always been like that with their heroes.

Consequently when legacies popped up and those new characters were pushed as being just as good, just as worthy, or (in some cases) lowkey pushed as being better  than their predecessors it naturally rubbed those fans with decades of emotional investment the wrong way. OBVIOUSLY  a woman or a POC can be just as worthy and just as capable as a man or a white person as a superhero. But series to series, character to character, it was almost like Marvel was taking away your beloved pet.

Imagine for a moment you had a pet named Rex that you’d known and loved for years. 

Then Marvel insisted on taking Rex away from you when there was nothing wrong with him. In his place they give you another clearly different pet with Rex’s collar, who gets Rex’s bowl, Rex’s food, Rex’s toys, Rex’s bed and even Rex’s name and asks you to treat them not as just a new dog but straight up the new Rex.

Except he isn’t Rex. Rex is Rex. The ‘new Rex’ playing with Rex’s toys, doing the same tricks as him or having his collar doesn’t change that.*** 

Because Rex was more than a collar, his toys or his tricks. He was an individual that you’d known and loved. And even if you know Rex is going to come back ‘eventually’ having Rex taken away from you at all, having the new Rex supplant them (especially if old Rex was screwed over for the sake of new Rex’s arrival) and having so many people insist new Rex is just as great or more great than old Rex (to the point where many people loudly proclaim they don’t even want the old Rex back and the old Rex was kinda lame and boring) is going to create a massive dissonance. Maybe you would’ve been chill with the new Rex is he was just another additional pet called Rover or even like RexY who was similar yet different to Rex, but not actually promoted AS Rex or as his replacement. 

Maybe you would’ve been okay with the new Rex if the old one got too old, died naturally or accidentally. But you aren’t okay with it because there was nothing wrong with Rex, you LOVED Rex and Rex had been with you and been around generally forever. So the new Rex felt like he was undermining him, especially undermining Rex’s individuality. 

That’s how I think most Marvel fans felt about practically EVERY legacy situation that’s ever cropped up from the 1960s onwards, not even the ones just from the 2010s. I remember  the outrage when Bucky was announced as the new Cap. I know there were people salty about Eric Masterson as Thor and the Spider-Man Clone Saga speaks for itself.

Compounding the situation is that more than a few media outlets (despite imo not representing the feeling’s of the majority at all) promoted (and in some cases still promote) the new characters as not just better than they are (see the dozen or so lists talking about how great Riri allegedly was) but along with many fans tear down the older characters whilst doing so. 

See every article ever talking about why Peter Parker in the movies (and sometimes in the comics) NEEDS to die for the sake of Miles becoming the new Spider-Man in spite of their rationales rarely making sense from a creative/financial POV and utilizing misrepresentations of both characters to varying degrees. Even fans that appreciate the social/political relevancy of the new characters are going to naturally be upset in response to that and angrily voice opposition when the character they love gets dragged through the mud like that. And that then gets exacerbated when they are labelled as bigots for feeling upset by the changes or reacting against the character they love being dragged through the mud.**** 

Especially considering they would’ve reacted the same way regardless of who was the replacement hero.  Again, fans at first didn’t take kindly to John Walker or Bucky as the new Captain Americas so the idea that backlash against Sam Wilson was entirely or primarily racist was itself profoundly ignorant. Especially when you consider black reviewers such as those on the Hooded Utalitarian were calling it out as bad storytelling and bad representation for black people. SpaceTwinks went issue by issue through Spencer’s Sam Wilson run and called it out as racist, ignorant and naive. NONE of which is me saying that there isn’t more than a little bigotry going around detractors of these new characters nor that there aren’t obviously bad actors.

But those people did not and do not represent the majority and framing the situation as though they do is disingenuous and highly unethical. In conclusion, the backlash against the 2010s Marvel legacy characters was entirely natural, understandable and for the vast majority came from a place of love for the original characters not a bigoted hatred for the new characters skin colour or sex. 

It was a testament to Marvel’s, and the wider media, misunderstanding the psychology of most comic book fans. 

P.S. In regards to that, though it isn’t exactly talking about what I’ve spoken about I’d highly recommend checking out this video which touches upon the disenchantment Star Wars fans felt over the Sequel Trilogy, which itself could be viewed as doing the same thing Marvel did with it’s replacement legacy characters.

P.P.S. The reason I think the likes of Miles Morales or Kamala Khan succeeded where others failed is chiefly due to their rise to the role of legacy replacements stemmed from their predecessors not  being sidelined for their rise to the spotlight. Miles never ever replaced the 616 version of Peter Parker, widely considered by most fans and Marvel internally as the true and legitimate version of the character. Kamala Khan meanwhile picked up the Ms. Marvel only when Carol Danvers discarded it and became Captain Marvel. She was still in the spotlight in her own right, Kamala simply got her own spotlight using Carol’s obsolete name. Which isn’t all that dissimilar to fan favourite Cassandra Cain’s rise to the Batgirl mantle now I think about it.

P.P.P.S. A possible counter argument to all I’ve said is the success of the Superior Spider-Man/Otto Octavius. After all why was he embraced when Sam Wilson and Jane Foster wasn’t? Was a double standard rooted in bigotry at play?

No, but the answer isn’t neat and simple.

I think Ock as the new Spider-Man was more embraced partially because Ock had been around essentially as long as Spidey himself. But more poignantly  pre-Superior Spider-Man was so atrocious that a sizzling and sexy idea like Superior (which generated tons of cheap novelty) felt utterly refreshing, even to people who had actually LIKED pre-Superior Spidey under Slott. It’s like how people praised the early Big Time stories despite their problems because compared to BND they were genuinely better.

Plus Superior, for all it’s god forsaken writing, didn’t exist to clearly workshop potential movie ideas or chiefly in aid of a social/political cause. Someone can agree that there should be more black or female superheroes but disagree that the older characters should be sidelined in the attempt to achieve that.

Especially when there were better alternative options such as introducing those newer characters within and alongside the established hero’s narrative or simply introduce them independently as has happened recently with the likes of Lunar Snow.

*This is also why I suspect Superman, Batman and Wonder Woman survived from the Golden Age into the Silver Age. Because they were the DC characters who (more than any of the other ones) had actual personalities/substance to them. **Of course this didn’t begin wholesale with the post-Crisis era. But noticeably the characters who had worked with this new shift in priorities prior to Crisis on Infinite Earths stayed generally the same thereafter (E.g. the Titans, Batman) whilst characters who had largely vacillated or struggled (e.g. Superman and Wonder Woman) were given fresh starts which proved critically and financially successful.  

***Not even if he does everything just as well as Rex did or does some stuff differently that’s still good (although the overwhelming majority of the time new Rex is clearly not as good as the old Rex).

****I’ve seen people be called racist and misogynists for calling out Riri Williams honestly ridiculous degree of competency as a hero/tech genius in spite of her age. This is not an invalid criticism, yet disliking the character because of those reasons is grounds to be labelled as something ugly by another (imo minor yet also vocal) contingent of fandom. 

Hell I was called a Trump supporting Breitbart reading bigot for calling out Marvel as two-faced due to never putting a black writer in charge of Sam Wilson as Captain America or a woman in charge of Jane Foster as Thor. It isn’t exclusive to comics either as I and other people have been accused of racism/misogyny for disliking the Last Jedi in spite of that film to my eyes being itself racist and sexist anyway.

[embrythecall]

Solid reasons why New Moon is a cinematic MASTERPIECE

Let me preface this post by saying when I read the books, Eclipse was actually my favorite of the books (i liked more wolf content in regards to quil and embry and imprinting stuff, the legends and backstory info, not the love triangle crud, for the record) followed by New Moon, Twilight and finally Breaking Dawn. Movies wise it goes New Moon first (obviously), Twilight, BD2, Eclipse, BD1. That being said... Buckle up! I’m about to tell you all the reasons I adore New Moon cinematically and why I think it’s the best movie of the franchise even though nobody asked me to!! 

I want to start off with the visual stuff first. Keep in mind I’m no film major or anything, these are all just visual shots and stuff i found to be cool in my own opinion with no knowledge of anything educationally. In no particular order: 

Obviously, the ‘Possibility’ depression scene. Nothing is more iconic in that book and movie in general. However, the WAY it was done with spinning around bella in the chair and showing the various seasons outside the window along with intertwining the music and her screaming from the nightmares and emailing alice... just the entire scene is absolute BRILLIANCE. I completely adored it. A+ scene adaptation. 

This may be a teeny tiny scene, but while Bella and Jacob are fixing up the bikes and “Shooting the Moon” is playing, Bella throws Jacob a piece of pizza and mid-air it changes from pizza to a wrench or some other tool (idk tools don’t judge me) and that is just SO COOL, okay? Like that’s a cool visual trick of awesomeness. You kidding me? Teenager me thought that was wicked cool in the theater then and 26 year old me STILL think it’s bomb now. 

The scene where Sam jumps off the cliff and the camera follows him is just really freakin’ cool and effective. Do i know why? No. Do i really appreciate it because it’s a unique and unexpected angle/shot? hell yeah.

During “Hearing Damage” when the wolves are running after Victoria there’s a shot of Victoria running from above and to display just how fast Victoria is running, they show her running at normal speed to US, but the bird above her appears to be flapping it’s wings at like half the speed and i thought and STILL think that is a really creative and fun way to show how fast she is moving without going the boring/typical route of the super speed blurry thing every other movie did to accomplish that effect. 

Bella in the woods as she lay on the ground and the camera instead of just coming up straight, the camera like spins in a circle as it comes up over her for a little bit. I thought that was cool, almost disorienting. (as a bonus, the music goes up the scale in this way i learned in choir that almost mimics the chromatic scale and i thought that added to the effect which made it real cool to me and i dug it)

(finally) When bella was in the water after cliff diving, i really liked how when jacob pulled her out and her hand brushed by edward’s vision self, it like, erased him. I know that isn’t necessarily a visual thing as it kind of happened throughout the whole film, but i thought it was more especially a thing compared to the other times it happened as it connected to bella more so than the other times his vision dissipated

Okay, .Now for some miscellaneous things I enjoyed that, to me, put this film over the top in comparison to the other films in the franchise. 

To me, the soundtrack is my favorite. Most people are probably going to disagree with me on this point and that’s fine, i get it. Twilight’s soundtrack is REALLY a tough competitor and I’ll admit, it is at a VERY close second in my eyes but when the New Moon soundtrack came out i played that thing so hard on repeat on my itunes, on cd, on EVERY PLATFORM i just forgot the twilight one existed quite frankly. It wasn’t until recently i even returned to revisit it but I’ve been listening to the New Moon one this entire time still. My all time favorite song from all the franchises? I’m a basic bitch, of course, it’s Rosyln. I fell in love with that song the INSTANT i heard it. My other favorites include, Hearing Damage.Sattelite Heart. Possibility. Slow Life. All I Believe In. Shooting the Moon. Done All Wrong. Those are just the ones I have memorized off the top of my head. 

Kind of a music thing still-- the SCORE. I am a score person i LOVE background music in movies and, particularily the scenes with Jacob, his theme in particular for me which is called “Dreamcatcher” which was composed by the ever wonderful Alexandre Desplat it just tugs at my heartstrings. It’s great. (Yeah, yeah, yeah, I also own the score album. I’m a nerd.)

I dig the blue light in twilight. It fits the movie aesthetic great and the book aesthetic perfectly in my opinion HOWEVER, so does the warmth that that yellow/brown light does for New Moon and i LOOOOOOOVE it. It makes me feel safe and warm and happy and it brings a lot to film. To me, it shows that Chris Weitz really knew his source material and knew how to transpose it to the big screen properly. 

I really like the costumes all around in New Moon. From Bella’s party dress to the clothes she wears (the browns, again, I just love them all) the earthy tones... everything makes me incredibly happy. Honestly I’d probably wear everything. 

Honestly, there’s probably even more things that I’m not thinking of at the moment, but this is all off the top of my head right now and I’m not in the mood to put the movie on lol 

Hope you enjoyed my random analysis xo

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #253

hope everyone is staying safe through this quarantine. wash your hands.

Which band do you have more music of than anyone else on your computer? Ozzy. Who’s your favorite philosopher? *shrugs* I don't know any's ideals well. How old were you when you learned how to read? I'm not sure, but I know I was exceptionally young. What’s the coolest Halloween costume you’ve ever worn? I don't think I've ever worn something rather cool. Who’s your favorite painter/artist? If we're talking about well-known, "popular" artists, I'm not sure. Maybe DaVinci. What’s your favorite song lyric- ever? ARE YOU??????????? FOR REAL?????????? Holy FUCK I get goosebumps from lyrics SO easily, this is like impossible. Probably an Otep lyric, though. I really don't like her personally, but goddamn can she write. What’s your dream tattoo if you don’t have it already? I've linked it before, so I'll just remind it's "Denialism" by deviantART's NukeRooster on my entire, upper left arm. I've already gotten her permission (I don't like just... stealing artwork to put on my body), now just comes the day I can pay for it by a top-tier pro. What’s the coolest screen name you’ve ever had? I don't think any have been necessarily "cool." Who do you think was the most badass serial killer? (Real life.) I'm not well-versed in serial killers honestly, but I can say Charles Manson was a C A S E. I think we can all admit he was... interesting. Just the epitome of weird. Most badass fictional serial killer? ig Jason; again, I don't know a lot off the top of my head, but I like him. How many bank accounts do you have? I don't have one. Have you ever been falsely accused of starting drama? Yep. Have you ever found a song that describes your whole life? Parts of it, sure. What kind of car do you drive? I don't drive a car, but Mom's is a... Honda? Kia? Idk. I'm bad with car brands. What kind of car would you like to have? Average size, pretty simple. Burnt orange or red. I know I want one of those screens you look into to see what's behind you when backing up. Have you ever been to Dairy Queen? If so, what’s your favorite thing to eat from there? mmmmmmmmMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM. So unhealthy, but I will destroy and Oreo Cupfection. Try. That. Stuff. Their milkshakes are also great. Which website do you email from? Outlook. Do you enjoy receiving souvenirs? Sure, it's nice. Have you ever had the flu? No. What about strep throat? Maybe once? Do you normally have a lot of homework, if you’re still in school? Kinda, yeah. Did you ever enjoy gym class? Fuck no. Even when I was healthy. What is your biggest insecurity? My body. Have you ever painted a room alone? No. How many huge secrets do you have? Huge? Uhhh, none, I think. Have you ever painted something and been impressed by it? Yes. Would you rather go out to eat or stay in? I prefer eating out because yummy food, but considering I'm working on losing weight, I avoid it. Do you have any younger siblings? One. Have you ever considered bleaching your hair? To the point of being snow white. Considering my hair is super healthy and bleaching so heavily would destroy it, I'll be avoiding that. I DO want to bleach my hair to do other colors, though. Brown hair sucks. Do you drink vitamin water? No. Are there any old movies you absolutely love? Oh sure, a good handful. The Outsiders probably tops it. Have you ever had a Big Mac before? No, doesn't appeal to me. I don't like veggies on my burgers... despite eating veggie burgers when I was vegetarian lmao. Do you think you attract the opposite sex at a reasonable rate? I doubt that. Have you ever filed a lawsuit on someone? No. Do you enjoy reading often? I'm finally back into it!! Lately all I've been wanting to do is READ READ READ. Have you ever had a deadly illness? Well, I consider depression (among other mental illnesses) to be very deadly, but on a literal level, no. I mean I have dormant MRSA, which can kill if active, but it never has been. Most people carry that dormantly anyway, if I remember correctly. Ever had food-poisoning before? No, thankfully. Where did you last eat dinner at? Mom bought Nicole and me Sonic. Have you ever had someone pick you up off the ground & carried you? When I fainted, yes. Are you a flirty person? Not really. A name you hate with a passion? Edward, to name one. Erwin. A lot of old names. What is your favorite type of water (ex. arrowhead)? Essentia mmmmmmmmmmmmm,, Have you ever been to Warped Tour? I WISH. :( Do you know anyone who wears fur? I fucking hope not, because I wouldn't associate with them anymore. When was the last time you were on myspace.com? Damn yo, millennia ago. How often do you cuss? Too much. I mean, I don't even believe "profanity" is a thing by our definition of "that word is magically bad," but still, it's like when people say "like" too much. Have you ever cussed out a teacher? No. What did you think of the movie Juno? I never watched it. How often do you eat meat? Sigh, more than I wish. What grade did you meet your best friend in? We didn't meet in school. Last time you cleaned your room? Couple days back. I'm honestly bad at dusting regularly in here, but that's gotta change with Mom having chemo now. Her immune system will be compromised so this house needs to be as pristine as it can. When you were little, would you have rather watched Cartoon Network or Disney Channel? Disney Channel. We weren't really Cartoon Network kids, actually. It was Disney or Nickelodeon. Do you shave your arms? No. Are you a big fan of the Harry Potter series? Never read a book, never watched any movies; the first one was playing in my presence once, but I paid no attention. How often would say you pulled all-nighters, if you ever do? Shit man, never, nowadays. I don't think I've had one for two years now. My youth is escaping. Has a friend’s boyfriend/girlfriend ever had a problem with you for any reason? I don't think so. How many times a day do you find yourself cracking your joints, if at all? Maybe not even once a day. Only my big toes and upper back can pop. Is there a particular sport you follow on a regular basis? No. Are you 100% over the last person you kissed? No. Do you put ketchup on top of your french fries or on the side? On the side. Who was the last person you talked to in person? Mom. Do you have a dog? Not anymore, thank fuck. Do you like orange juice? Yes. Are you one of those people who obsesses over Hollister? I never liked it. They're not inclusive at all towards fucking NORMAL bodies, nevermind plus size. Apparently even their rules on looks for workers are absolutely horrible. Ashley liked them though, so sometimes I just had to go in with her. If money was no object, would you change your wardrobe? My goth could finally  E S C A P E. How do you/did you get to school? My mom drives me. Have you ever had to have a pet put down? Four times that I remember off the top of my head. What candy cane flavor is your favorite? MMMMMMMMMM get the pink Starburst kind. Do you get angry when fast food restaurants mess up your order? It's annoying, yes. Angering when you've already driven away, especially when you really wanted something. What was your favorite elective class in high school? Art. Did you ever wish you could be homeschooled? Yes. I was homebound for a little while. Have you ever had a dream so realistic you could’ve sworn it happened? Yes. Do you have any mental disorders? I'm a walking mental disorder, lmao. Y'all know the biggies, and now ADD and especially DPD (dependent personality disorder) are being considered. Do you feel comfortable talking about these disorders, if you have them? Yeah, I really don't care. Where did you go on your last field trip? I want to say to a band competition in high school. Are you able to agree to disagree? Or do you have to have the last word? Yeah, pretty easily. Is there a cover song you like better than the original version? A whole lot, actually. Do you have a hard time talking about sex with the opposite gender? I have a hard time with anyone. Have you ever had major surgery? Major, no. Is there any food you don’t like that a lot of others do? Here in the South, everyone is most surprised when they hear I hate fried chicken. What was the last thing you bragged about? Hm. I'm not sure, actually. I don't make a habit out of doing that. Can you do a backflip? Hell no. Are you listening to anything right now? I have a video up of relaxing tracks from Silent Hill 2 + 3. Great shit. Has anyone ever tried to tell you you were adopted? No. How many doors are in the room you’re in? Two, but one's just the closet door. Have you ever been engaged and broke it off? No. Has anyone ever drawn a picture of you? Yes. Do any of your friends have children? Yep. Is there anything you’re craving right now? Not really. Who got married at the last wedding you attended? A family friend. It was the second wedding I shot. Is happiness something to be achieved and sought after or is it something to be retained and held onto always, no matter what happens? The former. You can't just stay happy when, like, your grandma dies. What gives you a peaceful feeling? Nature. Hearing water and birdsong, specifically. Are you a Toys-R-Us kid? Hell yeah I was. My sisters and I would go crazy if we had the chance to go there. We were SOOOO upset when it closed down. If you believe in Heaven, are there separate heavens for different animals (kittie heaven. dog heaven, bird heaven, etc)? I don't know if I believe in a "heaven," but some sort of peace after death, yes. I believe it's one, unified "heaven." When you sleep next to someone do they fall asleep first usually or do you? They always do considering it takes me ten years to fall asleep. If they do, do you watch them sleep? I have. Not in a creepy way, but rather a "wow I love this person" sorta way. What is your usual breakfast? Usually apple and cinnamon oatmeal What do your salt and pepper shakers look like? They're nothing special. The salt is a blue ceramic, and the pepper one is just what you get from the store. Have you ever had your car towed? I've never had my own car. What band or singer do you believe started rock and roll? I'm pretty sure Elvis is given that credit. Whose voice irritates you like fingernails on a blackboard? The female singer of Mother Mother's voice. Mom and I can't stand her singing. All I songs we enjoy feature almost solely the main singer. I can *tolerate* it in some songs, but. What do you contribute to society? Ha. Do you take naps? Almost daily. Do you have any cavities? Not to my knowledge. Do you believe that there has been a man on the moon? Yes, though I do believe the "first" landing was faked in competition with Russia. It sounds ridiculous, but I'm so serious, look into the theory - there's incredible evidence. Would you ever go into a sex shop? I'd be too self-conscious to. I'd just order online. Let’s just say your school team is on a winning streak. One of the cheerleaders cheers both for your team and the other team during games. Does it make you angry? I don't care enough about sports to even consider how I'd feel. Do you prefer carnivals, festivals, circuses, parades or faires? To be real, I only know the difference between parades and circuses. What even distinguishes the other three from each other. Do you believe in psychic ability or is it a sham? I lean towards no. What is your favorite classic rock song? You CANNOT ask me this question. Classic rock is some of the best music there is.

[fluidityandgiggles]

Dalton Big Bang day 11 - The Natural Next Step (coffee shop AU)

Writing Masterpost, AO3 Link

Notes: Sperril will not let me go, and so I shall write for them.

(Who cares? They're adorable)

Meeting one

"Logan, back me up here?" Charlie called into the break room, to his fellow barista, who was currently on break. "Your boyfriend is here!"

"Good!" Logan called back, pushing his glasses up without even looking at Charlie. "I'm having lunch."

"Okay!" Julian laughed as he saw Charlie come back and immediately turn to Dwight, letting out a loud "yeehaw!".

"Yeehaw?" Dwight replied, getting away from the cash register to join Charlie. "Yeehaw, yeehaw!"

"Yeehaw, yeehaw yeehaw—"

"You made your fucking point!" Logan almost screamed by then, getting out of the break room as the two Texans started laughing. "Yee fucking haw. Yeah, yeah. Fuck you too."

As Logan went to greet (read: kiss) Julian and get his order, and the others could not help but make fun of the two, Merril silently thanked them for keeping her out of it. They were her friends and she loved them all very dearly, but they could be a wild bunch when they wanted to be… and it could honestly sometimes be a lot. So these times when they all got this chaotic, Merril counted her blessings and smiled to herself.

She was in the middle of piping the meringue on top of a lemon pie when she heard another commotion outside, looking as Dwight ran into the kitchen to grab a cup of water.

"Are you okay, darling?"

"He's here."

----

Spencer Willis didn't think, not in a million years, that he would ever become a set designer for an off-Broadway show. He didn't even think he'd enjoy set designing at all, until getting discharged on medical grounds from West Point.

It took him a year to recover, spent while living with Justin in New York and not doing much more than physical therapy and just being dorks together, and then he applied to Syracuse. It was an easy choice to make - it's still in New York, so he could still see Sydney from time to time; he could afford it, between his parents and some scholarships and grants he could apply to; and best of all, it had a great art department, at least according to his research (and Justin's sister's friend Lucy who also applied).

Lucy Westwood was, for a lack of a better word, quite chaotic. The eighteen-year old costume design major quickly took to the twenty-year old art major, which didn't go unnoticed, and before Spencer knew it he was asked by his professors if he thinks theatre design would be a better major for him. Well, less asked and more told to try a couple courses and see how he likes it, and… in stage design he ended up staying. It was still art, and amazing art at that, but it was also a lot of physical, tactical work, and he fell in love with all of that.

It's been four years since graduating Syracuse. Four wild, wild years, where he got to meet and befriend Reed Van Kamp, get roped into the theatre world harder than ever before, and as of a few months ago and thanks to Reed's insistent pleas, also start working off-Broadway on a revival of Assassins.

He still couldn't quite wrap his head around how this happened, but somehow it just did.

"I saw Shane again last night," Reed told him and Lucy as they joined them for lunch, in the middle of a long day none of them could guess just how long it'll end up being. "He's so good! Lucy, he's so good!"

"Now you're going to tell us we need to come see Once On This Island," Lucy laughed, bouncing as they waited at the queue at the cafe they ended up going to. "You've told us that several times already."

"Mercedes Jones is a goddess, okay? And a literal one in this production! And Shane is really good as Daniel, and Jane, the girl who plays Ti Moune, is just… I can't praise them enough! I think I'm in love with a whole cast. Can you be in love with a whole cast?"

"I think you definitely can," Spencer answered them, watching as the cashier ran away into the kitchen. He started doing that after the third time Spencer and Justin came here, to meet with Justin's boyfriend Charlie, and they had a conversation about Cats that got the whole cafe involved in it. He always felt bad for the poor guy, but to each their own, he supposed. "Hey, Chaz."

"Oh, hi," Charlie chuckled as he came to the register for now. "I swear, Dwight needs to get over that Cats debate…"

"No he doesn't, he's fine."

As Reed and Lucy left the queue to sit down and Spencer stayed to order - "two caprese sandwiches, an omelet sandwich, two chocolate cake slices and three iced coffees, everything to-go so Reed won't hurt themself" - Dwight showed up again, being pushed out of the kitchen by possibly the prettiest girl Spencer's ever seen.

"...Spence? Dude, you're gonna pay?" Charlie even waved a hand in front of his eyes, and it's only after the girl runs back to the kitchen that Spencer shook back up, realizing he's been staring.

"Uhh… yeah, sorry. Yeah."

----

Meeting three

The depression hit Merril pretty hard about two weeks ago, and this was the first time in ten days that she left the house. She showered, changed clothes, cleaned her apartment somewhat, all in attempt to make herself feel better, but nothing really worked.

But… that nice guy from the c-- Spencer! Spencer asked her out on a date last time they met, and she'd never back out on this… not to mention she might seem like a flake if she does, and it's so unfair to him, he's so nice and sweet and, and…

"Merril, go home," Charlie told her the second she stepped into the cafe. "Honey, you don't have to work today, remember?"

"I'm here for a date," she reminded him, sighing tiredly and going to hug him. She could smell his detergent as she did so, calming down almost instantly. Charlie… smelled like home to her.

Then again, isn't that what he was for her…?

"You look beautiful," he reassured her, patting her head gently. "You bought this dress with Casey, right?"

"Mmhm."

"It looks very good on you. I'm so happy for you."

"Thank you…" She smiled into his chest. It's the first smile she managed in over a week.

"Get away from the counter now," he told her after a few moments of hugging. "Go sit down. You have a date."

"Who has a date?" Came the question from Logan, who came back from the break room, wiping his hands with a paper towel.

"Merril does."

"Oh, hello!" He smirked at her, in that uniquely Logan way of his, and she just had to smile back. "Who's the lucky fella, mom?"

"Don't you have band rehearsal today?" She teased back.

"Drew canceled in favor of meeting Alex's parents."

"Oh, poor guy… sucks to work an extra shift, doesn't it?"

Just as Logan stuck his tongue out at her, Spencer stepped inside the cafe, barely looking for her before just heading over and sitting down next to her.

"Hi."

She smiled at him, swatting at Logan to go away. "Hi."

----

Seeing Merril in that blue floral dress, with her hair curled around her face and her eyes sparkling so beautifully, Spencer didn't want this date to end.

But alas, he was needed back at work soon.

"So…" Merril twirled a lock of hair around her finger, sipping her iced tea. "You really don't mind dating me…?"

"No!" He called almost immediately, startling her. "Merril, you're… so out of my league. You're so beautiful and smart and nice, and-- and you're the baker here, so obviously you're talented, and--"

"No, no no no, Spencer…" She took her hand, her face falling. "Spencer, I'm transgender."

"Okay, so what?"

It took a second, but then she just looked at him so weirdly, like she can't believe his words.

"What… what do you mean, so what?"

"You… absolutely ruined my expectations in women. I don't care what your body is like, you're perfect in my opinion, I enjoy being around you, I would love to keep dating you, and I very much hope you would the same. So, so what? You're a girl that I like. I like you very much even."

Merril just laughed.

"What… what's happening--"

"I like you very much too," she told him, through sad laughter. "And I would love to keep dating you too."

"Oh, that's-- that's good! Can I kiss you?"

She laughed again, and nodded, and Spencer could swear he heard Charlie and the other barista cheer as he leaned in to kiss her.

He did too, in his own way.

----

Meeting twelve

It was Julian's birthday, and Merril could see Logan avoiding work and just hanging with him and their best friend Derek near a window. She was almost finished with his cake, just piping a small happy birthday on top of it, when Dwight ran into the kitchen.

"You need to stop doing that, darling. Spencer isn't going to kill you."

"He's a cursed man," Dwight told her, making her chuckle. "You're dating a cursed man, Merril."

"Oh dear… did you not know I like Macavity?"

It took him exactly three seconds to put his cup of water down and march right out of the kitchen, hollering "I HATE THIS FUCKING FAMILY".

"But I do!" She called after him, going back to finish the cake right afterward. Poor guy… She never meant to upset him, but…

Huh. Maybe it was just a touchy musical.

"I want to try something new," she heard faintly from the front, smiling a little to herself. On their third date, Spencer told her that he decided to try new types of coffee every day - he's an artiste, after all, so what's a little experimenting going to do - and that she should be prepared for some bizarre drinks. Of course, she reminded him she's not the barista, but…

"And what would it be today, Spence?"

"A cortado with lemon."

Of course.

She stifled a laugh when she heard that, almost dropping the cake before she even picked it up. She steadied herself, picked the cake back up and left the kitchen, watching Charlie hold back from beating himself up over Spencer's order.

----

"A cortado with lemon?" Spencer nodded as Charlie just stared at him. "Do you know what you're ordering?"

"Nope."

"...I'm fucking glad you're not ordering an iced pumpkin spice latte at least," Charlie sighed as he slid Spencer's card for him. "It's the middle of August."

"Glad to not disappoint for once."

As Spencer waited for his coffee, he watched Merril hug Logan after serving his cake, then come over to hug Spencer himself.

"Hey there, Gilear Faeth."

"Stop calling me that," he laughed. "But hi."

"You know a cortado is just an espresso with a bit of milk foam, right?"

"...what the fuck did I just order?"

Merril just giggled. "I can't tell you, I've never tried it."

"I'm going to die…"

"Spencer?" Charlie called after a bit, and he let go of Merril to go get his coffee. "Here's your poison, man."

"Gee, thanks."

"You're here late," Charlie pointed out as Merril ran to the bathroom, kissing Spencer's kiss as she goes. "What's the occasion?"

"I got two tickets to see Once On This Island. Reed finally convinced me…"

"That's their boyfriend's show, right?"

"Yeah. They finally broke me, and Merril's interested, so I got two tickets." He took a sip from his drink. "Oh god, this is disgusting."

"I'll replace it for you with hot chocolate for free if you stop ordering stupid drinks," Charlie laughed.

"I would like that very much, please and thank you."

Merril came back from the bathroom after a few minutes, dressed in a clean red dress instead of her black shirt and jeans, her makeup retouched, to see Spencer drinking a cup of hot chocolate instead of his absolutely random abomination.

"I'm ready. Are you?"

----

Meeting seventy-seven

Merril and Charlie were closing the cafe that day - well, more like Merril was closing and Charlie spent most of his time talking with his boyfriend (who just so happened to stay there after closing so he could "pick Charlie up") - when Merril found an envelope under the counter.

An envelope addressed to her.

"Charlie, darling, it's not payroll day, only tomorrow…" her eyes got dark as the boy turned to look at her. "What… what's going on…?"

"Mom, it's not what you're thinking," he was quick to say, but she was quicker to cry.

"I… I don't understand, what…"

"That… was supposed to be for tomorrow. Spencer asked me to help him surprise you…" She just looked at him confused. "It's nothing bad. Let's finish here, go home, you'll get to cuddle with your boyfriend and watch whatever cheesy show you two watch nowadays. Tomorrow it'll all make sense."

"Spencer adores you," Justin tried to add, looking quite worried. "This is a good one, we promise."

"I…" she took a second to stop shaking before putting the envelope back in place, feeling something hard inside of it. "Okay… you're his best friends, I'm going to trust you."

"Go home, Merril," Charlie sighed, watching her fumble. "I'll finish here. Please."

"...fine."

----

Spencer showed up for lunch the next day, ordering his omelet sandwich and iced coffee, and a slice of lemon meringue pie. It was a quick order, one made fully knowing that Merril would join him for lunch today.

"...and a chocolate cupcake, please."

"Sure thing."

Merril joined him after thirty minutes, looking grateful to be off the clock for the day as Dwight brought over a cup of green tea and an envelope, looking rather suspicious to be near the table.

"God save your soul, Spencer," he told the man before putting Merril's things down and leaving.

"...is he still about that?"

"I don't know, honey. We're working with him on it."

They ate lunch, talked about their day, but Spencer couldn't help looking at the envelope like it was about to kill him.

"...and then Dwight just-- Spencer…?" Merril kissed his cheek, making him look at her. "Honey, what's happening?"

"Can you open the envelope please…?" He looked off to Charlie, who gave him two thumbs up. "The anticipation is killing me."

"Oh! Oh… sure." She frowned as she opened it, too focused on making it neat to ignore Spencer getting down on one knee as a ring fell out of the envelope.

A delicate gold ring with a lovely blue stone in the middle of it, and three tiny diamonds on either side of it.

"Spencer…?"

"You're perfect for me," Spencer managed to say as he grabbed the ring, holding it up to her. "Merril Portman, you are perfect. I love you more than words can describe, and if I started listing the reasons why we'd be here until Sunday in fifty years."

"Spencer, I love you too, I…"

"You complete me, Merril. God, I can't tell you how much I've gone through that just seemed to… go away when I'm with you. So… this is just the natural next thing to do."

She started crying. Merril won't lie, she started crying. Prompting Spencer to give her a hand, squeeze it a bit, watch her smile through her tears.

"Merril Portman… will you do me the honor of--"

"Yes!" She laughed, still sobbing. "Yes, absolutely, I will marry you."

They kissed and hugged and kissed some more, to the cheers of everyone around them, and it didn't really matter how much Merril cried or how odd Spencer felt the rest of the day afterwards. This was just the natural next step for them.

[kali-tmblr]

Thoughts on RWBY7: Part 2 Characters

(Crossposted to Amino) As I said, if their pattern holds I'm expecting to see new threads and weapons at the start of Volume 7, a ton of exposition in the center, and a bit of character development and romantic pairing off towards the end. (Please prove me wrong, Rooster Teeth! Break the pattern!). We've covered the exposition, now let's talk about the characters.

Costumes: snow clothes. 'nuff said.

Weapons: Gambol Shroud needs to be repaired or replaced. I've never been comfortable with throwing a loaded Glock around and having it fire in midair. (Granted, you could probably only do that with a Glock, but still....)

Prosthetics: As this is Cybernetics Central, we may get some work on Maria's eyes and/or Yang's arm.

Character Development: using the principle of turn-based character development, Jaune, Ren, Nora, and Maria will probably sit this one out. So will Blake and Yang, unless it's related to Yang's PTSD (I'll write a separate post about that.) Ruby's potential for growth in this season is largely reactive, and depends on what her enemies (Tyrian, Cinder, Neo, maybe Penny's father) do. The anger she started to feel in V5 is something she will eventually have to learn to handle, but if they continue with the slow burn that won't really start to be a problem until the next leg of their journey. The characters we are most likely to see develop are:

Weiss: she's literally shaking at the prospect of meeting Jaques again. Until she no longer fears him, her character arc won't be complete. Now's the perfect time to work on that.

Qrow: Everything he based his life, his self worth, and his self-identity on just shattered. He renounced his family in favor of what he thought was a higher purpose, and that higher purpose just crumbled to dust on the snow. With the exception of protecting the kids, he has nothing left, and the kids don't need so much protecting any more. In Chapter 9 you could tell that he had already begun to question his life choices. "Every step I took, every choice I made, has led me here." What choices? I have no doubt he's done some questionable deeds as Ozpin's agent "for the greater good". Now he has to ask if they were really worth the price. Sometime fairly soon he or someone else is going to be having a very pointed conversation with him, and he will have another such conversation with Ozpin. Then he has to decide what he does with the rest of his life. Problems with the voice actor aside, this was always going to be a rough time for Qrow.

(One of the reasons I keep mentioning the uncertainty over plot order is that problems with the VA increases the likelihood things will get juggled. I think I know about a third of what's going to happen in the next three volumes, but not the order RT will choose to tackle it.)

Oscar: he's 14, has the weight of the world on his shoulders, and has been thrown into a completely different environment. Psychologically, there's no way to prevent him from developing.

Ozpin: he's been suffering from severe depression (and not hiding it very well) since Volume 1. Now he's had the root cause thrust in his face. Such trauma demands growth. Ozpin talks about rising to meet challenges. It's time he demonstrates it. He also owes both Qrow and Ironwood apologies and explanations. But that may get delayed to Volume 8 depending on plot order.

Also, if I'm right about one of the goals of the cybernetics program being to separate the Ozma entity from its host and give it a separate body, that's something whose implications Ozpin and Oscar will have to deal with.

Ironwood: Depending on plot order, we'll reach Ironwood either this volume or the next. When we do his trust issues are bound to be triggered.

Penny and Penny's creator: again, their development is coming, but whether it happens in 7, 8, or 9 depends on plot order. But Penny's creator is bound to have some issues with her erstwhile friends.

Atlas personnel: I'm sure we'll learn more about various Atlesians, but the only others I am expecting to show character development as opposed to character revelation in V7 are Winter, maybe Flynt and Neon, and possibly Whitley. We simply don't know enough about anyone else for it to qualify as "development" in V7. (I doubt Jaques is capable of growth, except as an asshole.)

Adam: won't be missed by anyone who knew of his recent activities. May be missed by those who didn't, especially if he originally came from Solitas. Blake has a general tendency to brood, but it was literally kill or be killed, and she will probably make her peace with that. Yang has no innate tendency to brood. If she has problems, they'll fall under the general PTSD plot. I'll write about that separately.

Cinder: does Cinder really think she can get back in Salem's (meager) good graces by engineering a technical foul regarding Salem's orders? That's egomania on a grand scale. Salem will see right through it. So, as Tai Yang asked, which way will she go?

Salem: a person confident of loyalty wouldn't keep bringing up the cost of disloyalty. Salem is increasingly getting thwarted, and that's starting to affect her minions as well as herself. Both she and her team only mention Atlas as a potential roadblock in the way of her plans for Vacuo. And Atlas itself has come up with an easy solution to that roadblock. **snip**

So the question becomes, does she value the Relics enough to retrieve them before cutting the cord? If her ultimate goal is to summon the gods to a world at war, yes. If not, no.

Tyrian: now has a personal interest in Ruby as well as Jaune. What we don't know is how disciplined Tyrian is. Will he put Salem's wishes over his own? Or, like Cinder, will he be out for personal revenge?

Neo: at present we have no idea how far she will go for revenge, and against whom.

Emerald and Mercury: will these two start to look for a way out? Maybe, but I am not expecting them to try anything yet.

Romantic entanglements: RWBY has never introduced a character and successfully paired them off in the same volume. So any bonding in V7 will probably be among pre-existing characters. That gives us a limited pool to work with. Potentials are:

Blake/Yang: after so much in V6 I'm not actually expecting anything in V7 -- with one caveat. With it's military culture Atlas is the perfect place to explore the deeper implications of Yang's PTSD, and the toll it takes on partners. I'm honestly expecting that plot to be the romantic development of 8 or 9. Again, I don't know what their order will be.

Qrow/Winter: Qrow's pretty broken right now, and Winter doesn't seem to tolerate weakness. It would be a major stretch on her part this soon. Maybe later.

Flynt/Weiss: I think this one has potential. Both of these people started off with such limited views of the other, and now they are growing. I think they could make beautiful music together.

Ruby/Oscar: if Ozpin stays quiet for a long, long time.

Of course characters might be introduced in V7 who pair off later, but that's my best bets for the current field.

PS: One thing I forget to mention in Part 1 is that we don't know how far Rooster Teeth is willing to go with Atlas as a metaphor for the United States. Between systemic racism and income inequality, issues with a closed border, an overblown military, a superiority tendency, and a sliiiiight persecution complex, there's plenty to work with.

Oh, and giant mechs. We're in Mech Central, so there's bound to be bigger and snazzier mechs than we've seen before.

[bugheadfamily]

Bughead Family Discord Member Spotlight

This Halloween week the spotlight is on our spooky admin, Tori ( @tory-b  )! Click the read more link below to get to know our member!

Spotlight by Mila, @jughead-jones | Graphic by Katie, @betty-cooper

Tori | @tory-b

Name: Tory or Tori

Age: 21 (but only for a few more months!)

Location: Western US

Any other languages aside from English people can contact you in?: I can read basic Japanese and German. I won’t be able to communicate well but I have like some understanding. (I’m just really bad at languages I’m sorry universe, i want to be good at them)

Favourite Riverdale characters and ships?: BUGHEAD! Jughead Jone is my son, I love that boy. But I’m also a big Archie girl you know? Like just in the ‘he is my big dumb son and he just needs to be protected at all costs.’ I’d probably kill for a Jarchie person.

Favourite moments from S1 & S2?: There are so many it makes it hard to choose from you know? But S1: the iconic “hey there, Juliet, nurse off duty” is just like…so cheesy and soft it makes it hard to not just be utterly in love with that big dork. S2: When Archie cuts Jughead’s chains in front of the building, and they have that shot where the chains are falling away and he looks just like a fucking mythical fallen angel. That moment is so powerful between the boys, but it’s also just such a beautiful image on screen. Like Riverdale’s cinematography is eh on the best of days but in that moment like wow just absolutely WOW

What are your hopes for S3?: All my hopes and dreams look like they’re coming true and I could cry. Betty has a therapist! Bughead is investigating! Josie is getting more SCREEN TIME. I really do want more Cheryl/Betty friendship moments but I’m not sure if we’ll get them. I’d also love a Jug/Cheryl friendship moment. Also if we could get our Jarchie kiss.

Other fandoms you’re into?: I was in the Miraculous Ladybug fandom for a little while, and the Voltron fandom for some time after that. I just kind of commit to like one fandom or I’ll be dead.

What are some of your favourite movies/TV?: My other go-to show right now (I’ve been rewatching) is RuPaul’s Drag Race because I’m Reality TV Trash. My favorite movie is tricky. I always tell my mom that I don’t watch many movies because I like that TV can show longer more complex plots than movies.

Favourite books?: Fever 1793 was my favorite growing up and sometimes I’ll still read through and cry like a fucking baby even though I know how it goes. I love historical fiction. BUT my absolute FAVORITE book is Crime and Punishment by Dostoevsky.

Favourite bands/musicians?: It is I, your friendly admin hipster who has a lot of vinyl, and my fave bands are Panic! At the Disco, Walk the Moon, and the 1975. Also I listen to an absurd amount of broadway musicals because I’m a theatre nerd through and through.

If you could live in any fictional world which one would you choose and why?: I was gonna say Riverdale but I don’t want to chances of me getting murdered to jump up to an absurd amount. I’m small and meek I’d die like Midge. Maybe the Miraculous Ladybug’s Paris because it’s soft and even if I get turned into a bad guy no one hates me and I get a cool costume.

Favourite food?: Strawberries! Specifically Strawberry Shortcake but anything with strawberries on it.

Favourite season?: Winter or Fall! Spring is amazing but it makes me sneeze because allergies.

Favourite plant?: Sunflowers!

Favourite scent?: Lime! It’s clean and fresh.

Favourite colour?: Pastels. Pink, blue, yellow!

Favourite animal?: Doggos! (I’d say cats but i’m terribly allergic to cats even though I love them).

Are you a night owl, an early bird, or a vampire?: My sleep schedule is garbage. I am a night owl who works early morning shifts and is forced to be an early bird.

Place you want to visit?: I want to visit more of europe, specifically France, see more of England, and very much Japan!

Do you have pets? If you do, tell us a little about them: I do have pets! I’ve got my sweet little Poppy. She’s a rescue mutt who I got on my 13th birthday. She’s probably 11-12 right now but none of us have an idea. She’s so soft and beautiful but she is absolutely a little bitch. I go to college so whenever I come home for holidays, she stares at me like I’ve just utterly offended her and turns away. She’s a Princess who is utterly spoiled.

Tell us a little about yourself?: Oh gosh. I’m not sure what to say in this really. I’m graduating a semester early with a double major in Psychology and Anthropology, which I think is really cool, even though I have no idea what I’m going to do with that frankly. I moved a lot growing up because my mom can’t stay still. I’ve got this skin condition called vitiligo so lots of my body doesn’t have pigment!

Fun or weird fact about you?: I can’t properly scowl. Like bring my eyebrows together. I have no idea why.

Asks for fanfic authors:

How long have you been writing?: Oh gosh. So I’ve been writing in notebooks since I was like 5, but I posted my first ever fanfiction (did you mean that Harry Potter fic I posted that I like to ignore?) when I was 10 or 11? I quit writing publicly from about 12 until…I was like 20?

Which is your favourite of the fics you’ve written?: One Last Chance. It was 12k of really just emotional catharsis. I cried while writing it and it just felt so good to write it. Whenever I read it I just smile because I think ‘wow i can’t believe I’m the person who wrote this’.

Favourite fic/chapter/plot-point/character you’ve ever written?: The plot points in What Happened on Elm Street are my favorite because they’re so twisty and turny!

Which was the hardest to write, and why?: What Happened on Elm Street is very difficult to write for me. It’s super complex and I can only give away a little at a time to keep some of the mystery in it. So I have to think a lot for each word I write.

How do you come up with the ideas for you fic(s)? (examples: Do you draw inspiration from real life? Listen to music? Get inspired by TV/movies?) Do you have an process to your writing?: It’s a combination of everything! It’s real life in some ways, like my college experiences, or with songs, like my oneshot I Hate Love Songs! It all depends. Sometimes it just comes to me, like I’ll be watching a movie and I go ‘yes!’.

Idea that you always wanted to write?: A Zombie Apocalypse AU. SO BADLY. But I don’t think it would be very popular, so I always sort of hang back and don’t write it even though I kind of have the first chapter of a WIP written for it. I just love that kind of angst and fear.

Favourite character to write?: Cheryl fucking Blossom. She is just…I love writing all her wittiness! Also apparently Jughead? Since all of my writing has been through Jughead’s POV lately.

Best comment/review you’ve ever received?: So I received a comment on the first chapter of 101 Ways and it was just “DOGGIES” which made me laugh out loud> I also had someone (her name is Cat, she’s an admin, not sure if you’ve heard of her) tell me she cried into her Taco Bell reading One Last Chance. That was iconic.

Best and worst parts of being a writer?: Best parts are absolutely getting to stretch my creativity. I have a lot of ideas and writing is just such a cathartic thing for me. Writing makes me feel unburdened and free and that means a lot to me. I use my writing to cope with some of my anxiety and depression, because I feel good about words and how well I can manipulate them. Worst: That fear. That constant fear of not being enough. Of not being as good. Of comparison. It comes with fandom culture I think, this need to compare yourself to other people. I don’t ever mean to do it, but I can feel it happening sometimes. I love being able to learn from other writers by reading things and being encouraged to experiment, but perhaps it’s just who I am but I do have a problem with comparison.

Do you have any advice to offer?: Experiment experiment experiment! If you like something in another person’s writing, like a certain style, how they use metaphors, etc, there’s nothing wrong with adopting things you like and evolving you're writing based on what you like to read. It’s so important to keep changing and evolving and the only way you can do that is by trying new things!

.

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This is the fifteenth instalment of Bughead Family’s Member Spotlight series. Each week, a member’s url is selected through a randomizer and they will be featured in a spotlight post. In order to participate, please join the Bughead Discord (more information found here). Thank you.

[douxreviews]

Charmed - Season Five Review

"My sister, the demon magnet."

A clear departure from the dark, mature tone of the previous two years, Season Five is where Charmed starts to go downhill. Following some network meddling to avoid the apparent doom and gloom of the previous season, there's a massive shift towards a lighter, and subsequently more banal form of writing. I do feel like I have to defend the first half the season to many, which features a few of Charmed's better hours, but the second half...not so much. Spoilers and, unfortunately, leprechaun discussion ahead.

You can kind of get why there would be an attempt to back track to the light-hearted tone of the early episodes of the series. Season Four was by all rights a bitter pill to swallow. With Prue's untimely death, and the Halliwells’ hard battle to rid themselves of The Source for good, things got pretty dark. Why not change tack and have a bit more fun? Sadly, for Brad Kern et. al, more fun means squeezing Alyssa Milano into the skimpiest costumes possible, and breaking the record for the highest number of irritating magical creatures in a single episode of television. Ugh.

Initially, the dress-up games aren't all that terrible. Sure, the Mermaid fiasco in the two-part premiere was questionable, but the decision to tie it back to Phoebe's pain and desire to escape the toxicity of her relationship with Cole was oddly affecting. Even the fairy tale absurdity of 'Happily Ever After' feels rooted in similar personal struggles. By episode 5, though, we get our first taste of the tackless dreck that will become signature in the series' later seasons. The results are a mixed bag, to say the least. 'Witches in Tights' is a great title for an hour that serves very little purpose other than to get the girls in a "theme of the week" get-up to liven up the WB promos. This tastelessness carries through to the end of the season with Rose McGowan's pain coming through in spades during 'Nymphs Just Wanna Have Fun', where she spends two thirds of the episode prancing around in rags like some brainless dodo. The costume party even runs into the season finale, where a potentially great idea is squandered by a need to ham up every single angle of the girls' transformation into Greek Goddesses.

The first half of the season does shine in a lot of ways. Julian McMahon's presence is still welcome, though Cole's return feels little redundant in light of the rather conclusive ending his vanquish gave us in Season Four's 'Long Live the Queen'. Regardless, we get some great character beats throughout the first 12 episodes before Cole's humanity is eventually lost and he has to be vanquished for the final time in the 100th episode 'Centennial Charmed'. Despite an unnecessarily extended arc, Cole was still an integral part of the show's growth and maturity and Julian McMahon will be remembered fondly.

There are some clear high-points elsewhere, too. A great guest spot from Melinda Clarke in 'Siren Song' helps to buoy yet another episode dedicated to the never-ending push and pull of Phoebe and Cole's now defunct marriage. 'A Witch in Time' is one of my personal favorites. With a fun time-travel element at its core, and one hell of a twist mid-way through the hour, it’s one of the rare examples of how smart the writing team could still be this late in the game. The 100th episode toys with the idea of an alternate reality without Paige around to save the Power of Three. It's played well for the most part, and effectively ties a nice bow around Julian McMahon's time of the series. 'Sense and Sense Ability' is also a bright spot in the otherwise depressing haze of nymphs and leprechauns in the second half of the season. Its full of fun gags and is home to a clever idea that ties neatly back to the strength of The Power of Three, an element that's oddly rare at this point.

For the most part, though, Season Five is a big disappointment with some really low lows. 'Lucky Charmed' is one the worst hours of the series, drawing on cliched leprechaun tropes, and tired demon drama. 'The Importance of Being phoebe' is a tacky mess, and is one of those episodes where you question how good the girls are at spotting when there's something clearly wrong with each other. What's so sad about episodes like these is that you have to endure them knowing there's material that’s just as heinous coming up later in the series.

In the face of some dreadful episodic content, you would usually be able to turn to the sibling dynamics that were almost always well crafted. Unfortunately, Season Five marks a point in the show where the writers begin to favor a more segregated approach to the girls' individual arcs, with lifeless love interests and silly new jobs taking precedent over genuinely effecting drama. Phoebe's time is spent floating from guy to guy and building her career as the city's biggest advice columnist, a career development that makes Prue's quick hire at 415 Magazine seem like a completely feasible move. It's great to see her mature, though. Paige makes a rather questionable choice to leave her job as a social worker, one that causes her to drift for most of the season with very little purpose. Piper's role is probably the better one this season, with her pregnancy, and the subsequent birth of her first child Wyatt, taking up most of her screen time. Unfortunately, her journey this year ends with one of the biggest mistakes the show ever made; the dissolution of her marriage to Leo.

For reasons that stem from lazy writing more than anything else, Piper and Leo are pulled apart in the finale in order to allow Leo to take up a bigger role "up there" with the Elders, and to make room for the time-travelling Chris, who pops up in the season finale and will continue to plague the series next season. It's a move that's just as frustrating as it is contrived, and almost appropriately messy as we enter Charmed's problematic sixth season. There were some attempts to shoe-horn in some martial discord before the finale, notably in clip-show episode 'Cat House', but those small scenes do little to shake the feeling that the writers are now driven more by major story beats, and are far less concerned with the characters that were so well drawn when we started this journey five seasons earlier.

Potions and Notions

Sam makes his first re-appears here since season two, and it marks the first time he comes face-to-face with his daughter, Paige.

There was a lot of build up to Wyatt's birth. The moment itself is actually rather sweet, but the show doesn't really use his abilities to their fullest extent right away.

Phoebe's premonitions start to become more vivid this season, which basically means they're less blurry.

Spells and Chants

Cole: "What happened to us, Phoebe? How'd we get here? We used to be so in love! Even without your sisters, it's not working... Why?" Phoebe: "I don't know... Maybe it just wasn't meant to be."

Piper: "Even if he can handle the demons, he must sense the tension, which means at the very best we end up with a neurotic infant." Leo: "Look on the bright side. Growing up with your sisters, he was bound to be neurotic anyway."

Best Episode: A Witch in Time.

Honorable Mentions: Siren Song, The Eyes Have It, Sympathy for the Demon, Centennial Charmed, Sense and Sense Ability.

Worst Episode: Lucky Charmed.

There are some admittedly strong elements this season, but it's mostly a disappointing year that feels like a disservice to the well written drama that came before it.

5 out of 10 leprechauns.

Panda

[huangels]

➧ 85 questions

tagged by: @jencto ty my love! ♡

rules: answer these 85 statements about yourself, then tag 20 people @ohdaddy-nct @dcyoungs @rxnjuns @reunjun @angelita-gordita @taeybear @taezhu @lycheechann and all who wants to do!! (only if u want too bbs)

↳ Last…?

1. drink ─ hot burning coffee that i almost spilled while driving to class bc it’s pouring outside

2. phone call ─ laura (my friend who just graduated high school !!)

3. text message ─ my mom (telling me to drive safe in the rain uwu) 

4. song you listened to ─ jump by shinee (the album = a whole ass bop) 

5. time you cried ─ oof i cry for the lamest and dumbest reasons but last night i was looking at nct fanart and i saw a cute ass noren one where jeno was dressed in a big moomin costume and wished renjun a good day w/ a ballon and it was all hella cute and shit lemme find it i rb on my personal (THIS ONE) it was,, so cute,, i actually cried,, 

↳ Ever…?

6. dated someone twice ─ oof i rarely date let alone the same person twice lmao yikes

7. kissed someone and regretted it ─ i kissed this huge asshole in high school for a dare and he wouldn’t stop saying we had sex for a whole ass week,, this is why i dont date

8. been cheated on ─ nope

9. lost someone special ─ yeah but that’s the circle of life i guess :(

10. been depressed ─ oof did you mean: my four years of high school 

11. gotten drunk and thrown up ─ uhh psh no i don’t drink underaged,,, mhm

12. fave colors ─ WARM TONES!! nudes (skin colors), maroon/burgendy (just like a dark bloody red), rose gold/dusty pink (the light shade of pink but not pastel), black (just bc), royal blue (the only cool toned color i like idhhdh) 

↳ In the last year have you…

15. made new friends ─ yO making new friends is my middle name (i love making new friends !!) 

16. fallen out of love ─ i’ve never BEEN in love... 

17. laughed until you cried ─ if it’s after midnight, anything will make me laugh and cry (also i laugh at everything so yes)

18. found out someone was talking about you ─ lmao hell yeah high school drama everyone was out for me bc i look like a bitch and people are so quick to judge ://

19. met someone who changed you ─ umm not really everyone’s pretty chill. my roommate, who’s also like my best friend, is a huge party addict so she brings me to many parties, so i guess i’m more out there ? idk moving on 

20. found out who your friends are ─ literally once i graduated high school and went to college, all of the snakes just left and now i’m surrounded by my real friends uwu :^] why tf is everything related to high school i don't wanna remember that

21. kissed someone on your facebook friends list ─ bruh i only have facebook so i can get extra rewards on iphone games ksjkdj 

↳ General

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know irl ─ refer to #21

23. do you have any pets ─ i, myself, don’t have one bc i live in a dorm, but back at home, i have a doggo. she’s a thai ridgeback and her name is 巧克力 (qiao ke li = chocolate) and i miss her vv much :’))

24. do you want to change your name ─ for the most part no, i like my name, but when people call me ‘ran-you’ or something of the sort, i question why i live in america

25. what did you do for your last birthday ─ i traveled around china alone (well with my two friends back in china) without my parents for the first time bc i was an Adult™ now

26. what time did you wake up today ─ i was supposed to wake up at 8am but i didn't roll out of bed until 8:30am but hey, i made it to my 9am class 10 minutes early somehow

27. what were you doing at midnight last night ─ looking at nct fanart on tumblr and wishing that i coud draw/paint like that :’))

28. what is something you can’t wait for ─ my trip to spain!! i’m traveling to spain for 2 weeks with my friend at the end of june to july and i’m so excited bc i haven’t hung out w/ him in forever

30. what are you listening to right now ─ i’m in my accounting 2 class rn,,, so my professor lecturing about debits and credits (yes i know i should be paying attention but i’m an independent learner so i prefer reading the textbook and taking notes,, i’m just here bc attendance is graded)

31. have you ever talked to a person named tom ─ my old high school teacher whose first lecture was about corn and how it’s in EVERYTHING that is mass- produced today,,, well his full name is actually thomas

32. something that’s getting on your nerves ─ it was raining as i was walking to class and even though i had an umbrella, somehow my pants are still all drenched and this lecture room is SO DAMN COLD and i’m shivering someone save ME

33. most visited website ─ my school website lol

34. hair colour ─ jet black but in the sun it turns reddish brown ?

35. long or short hair ─ super long, it reaches my waist lol 

36. do you have a crush on someone ─ does renjun count? jk kinda ?? but not really bc,, idk dating doesn’t really act as a major objective for me right now

37. what do you like about yourself ─ friendliness and outgoingness ?

38. want any piercings? ─ oof i already have a lot but i want more yes (i have 3 on both my lobes, 1 on my both cartilages, and on my right ear i have a snug ? is that what it’s called idk) lowkey highkey i wanna pierce my nose but we’ll see

39. blood type ─ o 

40. nicknames ─ all nicknames i’ve ever gotten: ren, renu (my baby cousin calls me that bc she can barely pronounce words), fish..., nyu, rennie, r, human fish, + many puns on my name

41. relationship status ─ single and tired

42. zodiac ─ scorpio 

43. pronouns ─ she/her

44. fave tv shows ─ the office, black mirror, we bare bears, law and order,  futurama, stranger things, bob’s burgers, bate’s motel, american horror story (i love the duality between cartoons and fucked up shows dsdkjh) 

45. tattoos ─ i want ones !! (prob small in hidden places) but um maybe once i graduate undergrad at least 

46. right or left handed ─ right handed

47. ever had surgery ─ no - kinda? i have a scar on my eyelid bc when i was like 3-4 y/o, i was playing hide and seek w/ my uncle and cousin in china and i was running around and i turned quickly around a counter the same height as me and the corner of the counter cut open my eyelid,, this is kinda tmi but i was so stunned bc blood was running literally out of my eye so i didn’t even cry, i just stood there like ‘oh...that’s a lot of blood...’ i went to the ER to get it stitched up but idk if that counts as surgery :p

48. piercings ─ refer to #38 

49. sport ─ currently i play volleyball and basketball for club, but played a lot in high school too

50. vacation ─ anywhere i love traveling !! also east asian,, mostly just china i miss my friends and family :’))

51. trainers ─ ?? uhh as in shoes? or the gym? idk,,

↳ More general

52. eating ─ as in what i ate today? if so, a bagel and a boiled egg for breakfast

53. drinking ─ coffee that’s now cold rip

54. i’m about to watch ─ uhh my professor continue talking about accounting and economics 

55. waiting for ─ this class to end so i can eat lunch 

56. want ─ a change of pants bc i’M WET AND COLD 

57. get married ─ i sure hope so

58. career ─ i want to start and own a fashion brand/company/line (i’m double majoring in international business and trade + leadership management right now)

↳ Which is better

59. hugs or kisses ─ both i just want affection ;((

60. lips or eyes ─ these are hard to pick but eyes !

61. shorter or taller ─ taller even though i’m pretty tall as it is 

62. older or younger ─ older or the same age ? (rip sorry renjun) 

63. nice arms or stomach ─ arms? i need you to be able to put me in a chokehold and KO me (not in a kinky way,,, maybe,,,)

64. hookup or relationship ─ relationship duh ?

65. troublemaker or hesitant ─ team too-lazy-to-be-either

↳ Have you ever

66. kissed a stranger ─ uhh prob not

67. drank hard liquor ─ no officer i don’t drink underaged mhm

68. lost glasses ─ i literally have like 6 pairs of glasses that i keep thinking i’ve lost but then find it again 

69. turned someone down ─ oof yeah sorry 

70. sex on first date ─ no i have standards 

71. broken someone’s heart ─ i hope not ! at least not intentionally  

72. had your heart broken ─ prob once or twice 

73. been arrested ─ in my good christian household?! (i’m not even christian tf)

74. cried when someone died ─ well of course i have a heart

75. fallen for a friend ─ all my friends are hot as fuck no lie

↳ Do you believe in…?

76. yourself ─ always :D !!

77. miracles ─ eh,,

78. love at first sight ─ maybe not LOVE but something similar

79. santa claus ─ i-is he not real... (i’m kidding dbksj)

80. kiss on a first date ─ sure why not

81. angels ─ renjun is a walking angel on earth

↳ Other

82. best friend’s name ─ vincent, alyssa (my two fave people) 

83. eye colour ─ dark poop brown

84. fave movie ─ i watch too many to have 1 favorite but for the sake of this tag, i’ll say coraline 

85. fave actor ─ i have a big gay crush on dilraba dilmurat also tom holland 

el fin

[nelliievance]

Learn to Soar With Christine Van Loo

“If you want to fly, you have to give up the shit that weighs you down.”-Toni Morrison

Christine Van Loo, Aerialist, Speaker, and Coach (http://www.christinevanloo.com/about.html)

Christine Van Loo is an elite athlete that started out as an acrobatic gymnast, a sport in which she was a 7-time consecutive US National Champion, female Olympic athlete of the year, and athlete of the decade. After retiring from competition in that sport, she married and settled into a new life that seemed complete, but something also seemed missing.

Christine performing acrobatic gymnastics

She went through a period of depression before coming up with a new challenge and reinventing herself as an aerialist. She has much to teach about pursuing our dreams and becoming all we can be, and now in addition to being an internationally acclaimed performer as an aerialist, she has a set of teaching dvds for aspiring aerialists, and also coaches the champion’s mindset. She uses the acronym S.O.A.R to summarize her philosophy:

Shape your success.

Overcome obstacles.

​Architect a satisfaction plan.

Reap the rewards.

I was fortunate enough to be able to interview Christine, an amazing athlete and human being.

I think a crucial part of your story is when you had retired from competition as an acro-gymnast, and were finding yourself not totally fulfilled. Then you came up with a second career as an aerialist. How did you come up with this idea, and how did you motivate yourself to pursue it?

After I retired from acrobatic-gymnastics I married my first boyfriend and we moved to Italy where I became a Navy officer’s wife and a housewife, roles I struggled to fill authentically. 

When we returned to the United States I worked as an instructor. I taught gymnastics to children, dance to gymnasts, stretch classes to an aerobics national champion, acrobatics skills to world champion ballroom dancers and fitness classes to the general public. But no matter how well I did as an instructor, I felt like I was waiting for my real life to begin.   One day, I went to watch a friend of mine audition for Cirque du Soleil at Brown’s Gymnastics, one of the places where I taught. I sat alone on the bleachers as dozens of dancers and gymnasts signed their names to a list before warming up on the gymnastics mat.   Suddenly my hands started shaking uncontrollably. As I gripped the bleachers to steady them my body started swaying back and forth. I clenched the bleacher so tightly my knuckles turned white, but I could not still my body.   That moment was an epiphany, an aha. A realization I was watching my real life from the outside. Those strangers were my family. This art form was my home.  Without thinking, my body stood up. My feet walked to the table. My hand signed my name onto the audition sheet.

During the seven hour audition we danced, tumbled, balanced in handstands, stretched, acted and were interviewed. I had no expectation they would choose me. It had been five years since that old life as a competitive acrobat. But a few days later a woman with a French-Canadian accent, Nicolette, called to offer you a two-year contract to tour the world with Cirque du Soleil’s ‘Quidam’.” My breath caught in my throat. My words went AWOL. My mind exploded with images of acrobats flying through the air. Of stages, lighting, costumes, music; of performing, traveling to exotic places, and stretching my creative limits. She was offering my perfect dream. Then my husband stepped into the doorframe and the dream shattered. “Who is that?” he mouthed. I found myself between two colliding worlds. The “real” world, in which I was a wife and an instructor with newly registered students, and an apartment renter with a newly signed lease. And the dream world of running away and joining the circus.

“I’m sorry Nicolette,” I said, “I can’t accept the offer. Thank you for asking me.” “I don’t understand, Christine. You should continue to perform. Performing is inside you.” I knew she was right, but I hung up the phone and watched my dream disappear like a train pulling from the station without me. Months passed. They seemed like years. I put myself on automatic pilot to make it through the days. It was not that my life was bad. I had no reason to complain. That only made things harder, so I accepted this was who I was. It wasn’t who I dreamed I could be, though, and that broke my heart.

Then a friend told me about a show in which I could perform at corporate events on the weekends then go home during the weekdays. I sent this company a video of me competing and they hired me to do a show two weeks later. I was only working as a background cast member but it was through this show that I discovered aerial artistry. When I watched aerial artistry it reminded me of when I discovered acrobatic gymnastics as a child. Both times I felt this excitement in my chest so large I thought I would burst into a supernova. I knew that this too was my calling too. It was never a thought of how to motivate myself to become an aerialist; I simply had to do it.

You were self-coached while learning to be an aerialist, so how did you teach yourself?

The first three skills I learned from a former teammate of mine who just retired from Cirque du Soleil. The majority of the rest I learned mainly through exploration and trial and error, which amounted to lots of torn skin, bruises, and even setting the back of my pant leg on fire doing a slack drop on the wrong kind of fabric. Even with a competitive acro gymnastics background, learning an aerial act on my own was extremely difficult. It also took a very long time.

How do you motivate yourself to go through the day-to-day discipline of training?

Our route to our dreams are paved and discomfort. It’s not comfortable getting up at five in the morning to train or to ask that special someone out for dinner and face rejection or to ask for a raise. When aiming toward success we are bound to face fear, stress, frustration, anger, disappointment and a whole host of other uncomfortable feelings. Believe me. I know. I have a PhD in discomfort.

Think of these uncomfortable feelings as cross roads. Discomfort is a dream killer. Discomfort can kill your dreams. The moment you quit in order to feel better is the moment your dream may die.

Toni Morrison wrote, “If you want to fly, you have to give up the shit that weighs you down.”

If you want to be successful and to reach your dreams then make space for discomfort. Instead of judging discomfort like an enemy, simply accept and embrace it as part of the journey. In fact, train yourself to associate the discomfort of your challenges with an outcome of success.

Don’t wait to feel comfortable to take action. Get up in the morning and do whatever it is you need to do no matter how you feel. This will make you stronger. Instead of running away from discomfort, choose your dream instead.

Can you go into more detail about the champion mindset and elite athlete habits you teach in your coaching? I assume these apply to all of us, regardless of our talents, we should still strive to be the best versions of ourselves.

I teach a host of champion mindset techniques such as creating your own launch team, emulating excellence, and simplifying your success, among others.

Regarding simplifying your success, most people don’t dream big enough. You know you’ve dreamed big enough when your dream seems impossible. But have you ever dreamed an impossible-sounding dream and then felt overwhelmed at the magnitude of how to accomplish it?

I wanted to be an aerialist more than anything, but I didn’t feel like an aerialist and I had trouble believing that I might achieve such a feat.

So I came up with a plan. I figured, if I can’t believe this ambitious dream of becoming a professional aerialist, what if I reprogram my thinking to just believe in the next step? So I converted my dream into mini-steps – and I just focused on one at a time.

I didn’t have to believe in becoming an aerialist, I just had to rent a place to train.

I didn’t have to believe in becoming an aerialist, I just had to buy two yards of costume fabric.

I didn’t have to believe in becoming an aerialist. I just had to believe in climbing the next climb up the rope.

By breaking my dream down into mini steps, I created a momentum of confidence through incremental wins.

My point is this – whether you’re climbing a circus rope or a corporate ladder, the rules are the same. You learn to believe not by taking a huge leap, but by believing in one step after another.

Good news is confidence is learnable, and as you learn, that crucial belief takes root and spreads into all parts of your life.

If you’re intrigued and inspired by Christine’s story, or if you want to see some amazing videos of her in action as an aerialist, please check out her website. In addition to performing, she does speaking engagements, and coaches (teaching the champion’s mindset and coaching aerialists). Her book Falling to the Top is coming soon (check here for updates).

Do you have something unfulfilled inside that makes you feel like you might “burst into a supernova“? Maybe Christine’s coaching can help take the next step.

Learn to Soar With Christine Van Loo published first on https://steroidsca.tumblr.com/

[quirklessnotworthless]

Deku, the Hero Stalker

Overview

Name: Izuku Midoriya || Villain Alias: Deku, the Hero Stalker

Quirk: Quirkless

Affiliation: [ verse-dependent ] / Underground Villain

Occupation: Info Broker (incognito) -- sells info on heroes / 1st-year High-Schooler in some other prefecture (public)

Age: currently 16 [ Default ] || 18 [ #v.18yrsold (sub-verse) ]

Height: 5′5.25″ (166 cm) || Blood Type: O

Birthday: July 15th || Zodiac: Cancer

Gender || Pronouns: Male || He/Him/His

Orientation [fanon]: Demiromantic Asexual

Personality: timid, diligent, analytical/strategic, keenly intellectual, insecure, self-loathing, paranoid, reserved, distrustful, asocial, introverted

Tendencies: overthinking, sometimes aloud (aka mutter-storming); being recklessly selfless in risk-taking self-sacrifices; excessive analyzing; prone to depressive episodes & disassociation; not taking breaks

Ailments: Clinical Depression (undiagnosed), Social Anxieties (undiagnosed)

Combat Style: Aiki-Jujitsu (invested) / Aikido (evasive); Krav Maga

Potential Combat Gear: Throwing Knives, Archery, Stun Batons, Poison/Tranquilizers, Grappling Hook, Traps & other useful gadgets/devices for getting away

Abilities Overview: keen observation & analysis, intuition & resourcefulness, high pain tolerance, prowess & physical parameters moderately above average, real-time tactician reflexes, potential spy/scouter

Likes: katsudon (pork cutlet bowls), tinkering with gadgets, programming, gathering data (especially on Quirks)

Interests: Quirks, biology/chemistry, technology/programming/hacking, support gear manufacturing, data/info-gathering, astronomy

The Diverged Backstory

Izuku mainly diverges from the canon story after the Sludge Villain Incident involving Bakugou as a captive --- instead of All Might praising his selfless act, he further scolds him over his reckless behavior, telling him that “having a heart of gold won’t mean anything in this day and age if you don’t have the strength to sustain it.” After weeks and weeks of shutting himself in his room, Deku finally comes to a realization how unfair this world has become thanks to its hero system being structured around Quirks. Hidden potential becomes overlooked. People are discriminated or ridiculed whether they’re Quirkless, bearing a ‘useless’ Quirk, or labeled otherwise. It wasn’t about wanting to become a hero anymore. Quirks are the reason why heroism and villainism have become skewed from their definition. Quirks have become everything.

Wanting to prove to both All Might and the world that this logic is wrong, Izuku, now taking on the alias of Deku: the Hero Stalker, takes on a personal vow in finding out just what will it take to expose this truth. Perhaps hopefully, he can contribute to the correction of this flawed foundation by taking the dark route... And if anything, Stain the Hero Killer gave him just the right amount of resolve for it.

Notable Canon-Divergent Details on Vil!Deku:

Not wanting to involve his own mother, Deku feigns an acceptance into some high school outside of his home’s prefecture. He’s moved out to live on his own in an apartment, much like canon!Uraraka’s living conditions prior to living in dorms, and made it so that apartment room he rented out was under his father’s name --- someone who isn’t even in Japan anymore as he works overseas (if he even is still alive out there).

Unbeknownst to his family, though, his way of paying rent just so happens to be in the form of shady underworld business as an info broker.

He does go to that school, though, if just to keep up with the guise. Majority of the skill assets he obtained by the time school started, however, are all self-taught.

Deku and Kacchan completely fell out with each other by the time middle school ended.

Deku stopped talking to Kacchan since the Sludge Villain Incident happened.

The talk between Deku and All Might after the incident occurred before Kacchan could catch up to Deku and tell him the usual “I didn’t need saving.” By then, Deku is already shattered (whether Kacchan noticed it or not is up for interpretation).

The remainder of his 3rd year in middle school obviously turned for the worse as he was further bullied and mocked by everyone there thanks to the incident. And because he no longer tries to be mentally resilient, it actually took an effect on him.

Deku has become even more reclusive than how he started out pre-UA status in the manga. He’s also more against physical contact, and will likely retaliate aggressively unless he’s warmed up to an individual enough. Despite straying from the hero’s path, though, Izuku is just the same if not more insecure and reserved.

Deku’s costume is still the same, just more well-equipped proper gears. Inko also made him the tracksuit like in canon, which explains why it still ends up with the ‘ears’. This costume is only used when he’s out on the field in search of heroes and villains to ‘force them to retire’.

Deku does also have an Incognito Attire as well, which is usually used to meet with clients outside of his hideout. Other than that, he can be found in his usual plain T-shirts if not the high school uniform of the school he enrolled himself in.

All of his All Might stuff were sold off. All of it. He’s no longer a fan of All Might.

Deku collects blood samples of every single person he decides to ‘hunt’, just in case it comes in handy for the future.

Deku does not have the same scars as in canon. He does, however, have self-inflicted scars on the wrists.

Fun Facts:

Deku has high interests in not just support gear manufacturing, but also in biology, chemistry, technology and programming.

That said, Villain!Deku’s expertise is in gathering data (especially on Quirks), manufacturing or at least designing support gear, and even so much as being a professional hacker.

Deku learned to make use of combat gear on his own time, and is quite skilled in throwing knives, archery, and using stun batons. It’s mainly because he watched the Avengers, and came to realize there are still ways he can fight in a world of super-abilities with the Black Widow and Hawkeye as a few of his inspirations.

He also delves enough into chemistry to create poisons that simply debilitate enemies, not kill. Many of them just need to be smashed hard enough for the vial to break and turn its contents into a gaseous state, but he does also carry a gun which shoots bullets containing liquid poison and paralyzing bullets.

It’s also because he’s self-taught that he develops high pain tolerance over time.

Despite turning towards villainism, Deku is more aligned as a vigilante due to the fact he continues to bear the same morals and targets both heroes and villains alike. He also prefers not to kill anyone if he can help it unless convinced otherwise.

In the yakuza-affiliated verse, Deku is actually very caring of Eri. It pains him to always see her being used by Chisaki, and does his best to try and make the process easier by volunteering to just do occasional blood draws on her.

By default, Deku prefers to remain incognito and off the battlefields. Depending on the verse and conditions in data-gathering, however, he's willing to step out of the shadows in order to contribute in any way possible. 

Since he’s an underground villain, Deku makes a reliable scouter in investigating hero-populated locations without seeming suspicious.

By default, he looks up to Gentle Criminal.

Deku has never nor ever will give his real name when going underground. He makes sure that his information is well-protected, too.

It’s also because of this that he avoids going to the hospital for injuries inflicted while under the alias Deku. Should he sustain any injuries as a villain, he relies on underworld doctors to patch him back up.

Anytime his mom asks about it, he either says it’s because of bullying or because he ‘happened to come across villains and ended up getting involved’.

Read More on Deku:

Available Verses

Headcanons

Stats

*** In accordance to the BnHA Official Character Book.

Power ✦✧✧✧✧ 1/5 E

Speed ✦✧✧✧✧ 1/5 E

Technique ✦✦✦✦✧ 4/5 B

Intelligence ✦✦✦✦✧ 4/5 B

Cooperativeness ✦✦✦✦✦ 5/5 A

*** Info obtained from BnHA Fan-Wiki ***