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haikyuu-scenarios-drabbles · 4 years

Text

Shower Friends (Miya Atsumu x F!reader)

The dorm you live in has co-ed bathrooms. Why that’s remotely a good idea is beyond you; and recently, your precious shower time is being interrupted by a certain blonde haired setter for the volleyball team. When he lies to his teammates that he has a girlfriend, somehow you get roped into his scheme.

genre(s): college!au, fake dating, angst, fluff, mutual pining, enemies to lovers (kinda), eventual smut (maybe) words: 3.5k

a/n: ah the sweet sweet smell of mutual pining. also 3 more chapters are planned, not written yet though bc i just decided i’d be writing them lmao. hopefully can get started on that this weekend and post them next week 🤗

taglist: @apollochjld @kurosarium @vicassa @carbs-need-more-love @underratedmage @idek-at-thispoint @wtfeverbrandi @food8me @yikes-buddy @ntimacy @nyxiie @oikawasbooty @chocolate3010 @sugawarabby @greenyiplier @kritiiiii @tokyosdawn @youstydiaa @h3llok1ttygirl

one | two

Chapter Three

“You want me to help you with what?” You ask, a bit stunned when he showed up at the door, a terribly annoying but also cute pleading expression on his face.

He groans, his shoulders hunching forward in exasperation. “Ya really gunna make me repeat it?”

You peer closer at the top of his head and see that he’s being serious. The roots of his hair growing in are a dark brown and it had never even occurred to you that he dyes his hair the blonde color you’re so used to. “No, but why do you need my help?”

This is so embarrassing. Normally his roommate or a teammate can help him but none of them are available today and he’s already let the roots grow longer than he likes. But when one of them suggested you help him out instead, something inside him rebelled. For some reason, the thought of having you dye his hair for him made him uncomfortable, like he’s showing you an intimate part of him. This hair has been a part of him so long he can’t remember the last time he’d let it grow out.

“I can’t see if I got everything,” he admits. It took a lot of pacing around his room and staring at his roots for him to get up the courage to come over here to ask you. He can’t really explain why he was so against it, especially since you don’t seem to mind after you got over the initial shock of realizing this isn’t his natural hair.

A wave of relief washes over him when you sigh, conceding, “Alright. Just let me change into something I can get bleach on. I’ll meet you at your dorm.”

While he waits for you, he busies himself with mixing the dye together so it’s ready for you, and when you arrive in a t-shirt and shorts with paint splatters all over them, he mentally kicks himself for thinking about how even wearing something so simple you still look better than anyone he’s ever seen. Crossing your arms, you motion for him to take a seat at his desk. Before he does so, he reaches behind his neck to grab at the collar of his shirt and pull it over his head.

You stand there dumbfounded for a moment, it taking you a second to process that he’s now standing before you shirtless and you’re free to ogle his muscular chest and arms to your hearts content. He doesn’t pay any attention to you, knowing if he meets your gaze, he won’t be able to stop the heat threatening to crawl up his neck. Instead, he wraps a towel around his waist to protect his shorts and sits in the chair to wait for you.

Except now, you have free reign to stare at his back, which is just as defined as the front of him and you need a few more seconds to reel your thoughts back.

“Whaddya waitin’ for darling?” He drawls, throwing you a glance over his shoulder, not expecting you to be standing there frozen, eyes pinned to his now bare chest.

He opens his mouth to tease you further, but your eyes snap to his and you practically shout, “Do you have another towel?” He just cocks a brow and then points to his closet where another towel is hanging on a hook. Snatching it, you return to him and drape it over his shoulders, hiding most of his annoyingly toned body. “Don’t want to get any bleach on your skin,” you explain, no way in hell ever admitting to him that you’re finding it hard to focus with him on display like that.

Absentmindedly, he hands you one of the clips he bought a long time ago, one that’s almost completely bleached itself and you start running your fingers through his hair to section it. He closes his eyes, focusing intently on the soothing sensation of your fingers on his scalp, doing his best not to groan out loud at how good it feels. With anyone else, this isn’t anything special, normally he sits as patiently as he can whilst trying not to annoy whoever is doing his hair (lest they decide to ‘mess up’ as punishment). But with you, it’s a different feeling entirely.

It's jarringly intimate as you clip his hair back and reach over him to grab the plastic gloves that came with the dye. Lathering up the applicator brush, you start slathering it onto his hair, trying your hardest to make sure it’s evenly distributed and surrounding each strand. As you do so, you ask, “How long have you been doing this?”

He resists the urge to shrug, not wanting to jostle you, replying, “Osamu and I started in middle school.”

“Osamu dyes his hair too?”

“Yeah, he goes for gray. But I’d heard blondes have more fun so—here we are.”

He grits his teeth as your fingers skim over his scalp, glad for the towel you wrapped around him to hide the goosebumps skittering along his bare skin.

“Let me guess,” you muse. “You guys did it because people couldn’t tell you apart?”

“That,” he laughs, “And we thought it would look cool. The first time we did it, it looked like shit.”

Your answering laugh warms his heart as you unclip a section of hair and keep working. “I can’t imagine your mom being too happy about it.”

“Livid. We got bleach everywhere.”

You laugh, continuing to move through his hair methodically. It doesn’t take very long as you’re just dying his roots and they weren’t that bad to begin with, contrary to what Atsumu thinks. When you finish, he gives you a sheepish look and has to swallow his pride to ask you to help him wash it out. Every time he’s tried to do it himself, he always ends up leaving a huge chunk of bleach somewhere.

You oblige, following him to the bathroom, not bothering to care about the looks you get along the way. If they want to stare at a shirtless Atsumu and then glare at you for having that all to yourself, that’s their prerogative. It does wonders for your confidence, regardless that all of this is a ruse.

Luckily, the bathroom is empty and Atsumu dutifully bends over the sink to let you start washing the dye out of his hair. He’s immensely grateful his eyes are shut, and his face is shoved into the sink to hide his flushed cheeks as he thoroughly enjoys your fingers running through his hair. The sensation of your fingernails lightly scraping over his scalp makes him ball his fists as he has to bite his lip to keep from making any sounds.

You’re unbothered, until you notice the towel has slipped from his shoulders and with the way he’s bracing himself against the counter every muscle in his back and arms is on display for you to see. It’s an effort to continue your task as if nothing is wrong and force yourself to look off into the distance instead of eyeing him up.

It’s no easy feat. Especially when you finish and he rises, scrubbing at his face with the discarded towel before moving on to his hair. You press your lips into a firm line and let yourself indulge just a little bit looking at the way his muscles flex with the movement, droplets from his damp hair trailing down the planes of his chest towards the waistband of his shorts and—your attention is broken at the sound of him chuckling and you snap your gaze to his.

You find him staring at you with mischief sparkling in his eyes, so you speak before he can tease you. “Is that it?”

“We have to actually dye it now.”

“Oh.” You turn on your heels desperate to escape his gaze. “Let’s go then.” A smirk plays across his lips, but he refrains from teasing you, solely because he very much enjoyed the way you were looking at him and doesn’t want you to stop.

And yeah—sue him if he thinks about your hands in his hair for the rest of the day. In the end, he might be a little grateful no one else was available to help him.

When mid-semester break arrives, it comes as a surprise that you actually miss each other. What surprises you even further, is that he’s the one to bring it up. Within the first night, he video calls you, a sheepish expression on his face, explaining he needed someone to complain to.

“What do you mean?” You teased. “Sounds like you’re getting stuffed with good food from Osamu and you have plenty to brag about.” You winked, smiling devilishly at him and pointing to yourself. You’re only joking. Slightly. You aren’t sure what will come about if he tells his family about you, or if that’s even a good idea. It’d be much easier to break this off cleanly without the involvement of each other’s families.

He sighs, flopping down on his bed and scrubbing his face with one hand. “They’re just dyin’ to meet you now.”

Your brows lift, half-expecting him to have tried to keep this a secret. “You told them?”

“I wasn’t gunna,” he explains. “But apparently some college sports news channel caught um—,” he coughs awkwardly, remembering very vividly this day, yet the two of you haven’t acknowledged it since. “Our—uh—celebration.”

Eyes widening, you stare at him a moment before the both of you burst out laughing. Between your giggles you manage to say, “Oops.”

Laughing alongside you, he grins, despite the pang in his heart at the voice in his head desperately trying to remind him all of this isn’t real. You aren’t his girlfriend and the moment all of this ends, you probably won’t bat an eye at him ever again. He hates how much that hurts.

Forging onward towards his demise he discloses, “I am now a very proud owner of a very jealous brother now, so thank you.”

That only makes you keep grinning, setting a hand on your cheek and dramatically saying, “What? Of little ol’ me?”

He fights the urge to tell you that yes—jealous of little ol’ you. The girl who is slowly becoming the girl of his dreams. The beautiful, funny girl who deals with him and everything that comes with him. He swallows all that, keeping the mood and saying, “He refuses to let me try any of his onigiri. A crime, really.”

“Of the highest caliber,” you agree, stifling your laughter. “Though I’m sure you steal some when he isn’t looking.”

“Yeah, but he caught me and hit me on the head with his spoon.”

“How dare he. Lucky for me, my family is clueless.”

“What do they think yer doin’ right now then?”

Shrugging you say, “I told them I had a project to work on with a classmate. Which isn’t entirely a lie, I do have a project to work on. But someone interrupted.”

He smirks. “Wonder who that could be.”

“Beats me.” His responding grin does something to you that’s been happening a lot more frequently lately. Making you feel like all the air has been punched out of you and like your heart is going to beat out of your chest. Though, you’ve gotten quite good at hiding it.

In the distance, you hear someone calling his name. He panics, it’s bad enough his family knows about you now, but he isn’t sure if he’s ready for them to meet you. Especially Osamu, who he has the sinking feeling is already suspicious of this. It’ll be a miracle if he can slip this by him.

“Gotta go!” He says quickly, and before he ends the call, he hears you chuckle and say, “Beware the spoon.”

Every day his situation only gets worse.

The next night he can’t get Osamu off his back. Enough that when he tries to retreat to his bedroom to give you a call, pathetically missing you again, Osamu bursts in when he’s about two minutes into the video call with you. He tries to shove him out, embarrassed and afraid Osamu will see straight through him. But Osamu is stubborn, and he hears you laughing on the other end of the call before saying, “Aww, Atsumu won’t you at least let me try to charm the pants off him?”

He grits his teeth, the thought that he wants you to charm the pants off of him, not his brother flitting through his head before he can stop it. But he relents, letting Osamu sit backwards on his desk chair to join the conversation.

He isn’t sure how, but somehow you get Osamu to believe this is real in a matter of minutes. You have him laughing and talking about culinary school and he almost feels jealous that your attention is now on Osamu instead of him. It’s a ridiculous notion, he knows it, but it doesn’t stop him from keeping the camera on him as much as possible.

When the call ends, Osamu looks at him seriously, and for a moment Atsumu thinks he’s just been pretending to believe you this entire time. However, he breaks into a smile and smacks him on the back saying, “Got yerself a keeper, there.”

Atsumu tries to grin with as much sincerity as he can. Yeah—he knows he does. But that isn’t going to stop this from ending.

That night, both of you go to bed feeling like you’re getting in too deep.

And as per usual, when school starts back up again, neither of you bring it up. You’re happy to keep ignoring it, hating yourself for liking this arrangement and him more and more every day. It sad really, how much time in your day is spent thinking about him. Wondering if there’s any possibility that the two of you could just transition to a real relationship. Because to you, that’s already what this is. Nothing would change, but at least you’d stop feeling guilty every time you enjoy his hand in yours or the soft press of his lips to the top of your head.

A few days after returning to school, you find yourself alone with him in his dorm room studying. He’s sitting at his desk, hunched over a textbook while you lay on his bed, head propped up by an elbow. You can feel your eyes drooping, the words blurring together, it becoming harder and harder to stay awake. His bed is too comfortable and smells overwhelmingly like him, a scent you’ve come to enjoy every time you’re pressed up against him. A mixture of his body wash and the ever-present faint smell of the volleyball court. Eventually you’re powerless against the solace of sleep.

When Atsumu notices you, his heart jumps into his throat. You look so serene and peaceful, your chest rising and falling ever so slightly, part of him wants to crawl in beside you and press his face into your neck and fall asleep right along with you.

But he too has begun to feel like this game has gone too far. The moment he had to tell his family, lie to Osamu, he knew he’d crossed a line. It isn’t fair to you. No longer does he need to pretend for his teammates that he can have a serious relationship, there isn’t a reason to torture himself and keep you tied to him anymore.

Yet, thinking about not being without you, no longer eating lunch together, studying together, or having you in the stands at his games wrenches his heart in such a way he actually feels like it’s crumpling inside his chest. He hasn’t been able to admit it, but at some point along the way, he thinks he fell in love with you. And it just hurts too much to keep pretending. Especially when you’re only doing this for peace and quiet during your showers.

For you, he shouldn’t drag this on any longer.

So, a couple days later, you texted him telling him you were in the library and can join him anytime if he wants. A harmless text, one you’ve sent him many times since this whole thing started, but this one makes his heart sink. Knowing this is the opportunity he’s been waiting for to talk to you. He tries to not think about it, trying to let volleyball take over his thoughts, but it’s futile. All he can think about is saying those words to you, and how it’s quite possibly going to utterly destroy him.

But you take it well, as he expects, squashing the hope that you might feel something for him too.

That night in the library feels particularly lonely. There’s no quick-witted remark from the boy who carved himself a place in your life, no one there to make you laugh when you’re struggling with a problem. Instead, you’re met with nothing but the darkness and silence of the library. It’s almost too much to bear, and once the silence starts closing in on you—you force yourself to leave, refusing to let yourself wallow.

The next weeks are hard. He never imagined that he’d think that after all of this was over. He keeps showering in the mornings to avoid you and uphold the deal you two struck months ago. He ignores the empty hole in his chest when he eats lunch without you, or studies late alone. The most jarring thing is your absence at his games. He constantly finds himself searching the crowd for your face, before remembering you won’t be there. He misses that intense gaze he could always feel on his back, the one that kept him awake at night when he let his thoughts run wild.

He feels as though something has been ripped from his life, leaving nothing but a gaping hole behind that seems intent on devouring him whole.

The same can be said for you.

Who knew you’d ever miss his teasing remarks while you shower? Or miss how you could complain to him endlessly about classes and then have him comfort you in the warm solace of his arms? Even the little things like walking to class together, now that you do it alone, it feels like there’s something missing.

The two you go on like that, thinking of the other every night before sleeping, tossing and turning with the thought of what could have been.

And eventually, you reach the point where you’re over it. Over pining after him day after day, peering out your door to make sure he isn’t around, or taking detours just to avoid him in the hallways. You’re over it. Enough that you’re willing to swallow your pride and confess to him, even if he doesn’t feel the same way—maybe you can fucking move on then.

Before you can talk yourself out of it, you stomp to his dorm room, his roommate opening the door; his eyes widening upon seeing you. Immediately, he grabs his keys saying into the room, “I forgot I need to go to the store Atsumu, see you later.”

He leaves no time for Atsumu to protest, out the door in a matter of moments, leaving you standing in the doorway. Atsumu is just sitting in his desk chair, looking dumfounded at you, having fully expected to never see you again.

The gears in his head grind to a halt as you say, “This is stupid.”

He gives you a bewildered look, unsure what exactly you mean by that.

You steel your courage and press on. “I like you. And you like me. I think. And all this pretending that we don’t is stupid.”

After a few moments, his lips curve into a smile, the mischievous one you used to hate but now feel relief seeing. He can’t help the joy building in his chest at your confession. How many sleepless nights thinking about this very moment did he endure?

“You said it,” he teases.

Despite giving him a look, you do nothing to stop the grin rising to your lips. “Well, it didn’t seem like you were going to.”

His smile only widens, and he motions you into the room. “Get yer butt over here already.”

You move on instinct, striding into the room and climbing into his lap, settling your legs on either side of his you wrap your arms around his neck. The overwhelming sense that yes—this is exactly where you want to be, washes over you. He smirks up at you, his large hands resting at your waist, waiting for your next move.

“I can’t believe I actually missed that stupid smirk,” you say, lowering your lips to his, fingers slipping into the short hair at the base of his neck.

His smile hasn’t faltered, muttering against your lips teasing, “Does this mean I can shower at night again?”

A laugh bubbles out of you, but he smothers it in another kiss and refuses to let go.

#miya atsumu x reader #haikyuu x reader #atsumu x reader #haikyuu reader insert #miya atsumu #miya atsumu imagine #miya atsumu scenario #miya atsumu reader insert #haikyuu imagine #haikyuu scenario #haikyuu

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tanoraqui · 5 years

Text

tanoraqui

Still thinking about an au in which for some reason WWX and the Wens are left to just live peacefully on the creepy death mountain - some detente wherein they don’t leave the mountain ever and in exchange no one tries to visit ever. Borders patrolled by corpses and sect disciples. So A-Yuan grows up raised kind of collectively but mostly by WWX and Wen Qing (the one most likely to tell WWX that he’s doing it wrong), and learns healing-focused spiritual cultivation AND demonic cultivation, and then at some point starts sneaking out to be the terrifying force of righteous kindness he was always going to be

tanoraqui

Righteous kindness but also, like, having picked up WWX’s cavalier confidence (or at least some of the ability to fake it) and Wen Qing’s general attitude of Do No Harm But Take No Shit

Like IMAGINE

tanoraqui

In this au, despite the strict border-by-mutual-agreement that’s the only reason somehow no ones tried to attack, LWJ sneaks in like one a year so he and WWX can make eyes at one another but not actually say anything ever, and Wen Qing and LXC are both EXHAUSTED bc both their dumb little brothers (WWX is a sibling by adoption now don’t @ me) mope for like a week after EVERY SINGLE TIME THIS HAPPENS, and it’s been /over ten years/.

tanoraqui

Meanwhile Jiang YanLi and JZX are FINE, and JYL somehow keeps up some sort of correspondence with WWX - or at least, he’s faithfully managed to send a birthday present for Jin Ling every single year, and every time, JYL makes her son write a thank-you note and bribes some series of people to get it smuggled back to Yiling

tanoraqui

...which means, honestly, that Jin Ling is probably wildly curious about his uncle the evil demonic cultivator kept trapped within the terrible ghost mountain by the forces of Good and Right, and WILL sneak out one day to try to visit. Optimally, obviously, at the same time Wen Yuan is sneaking out to see the non-mountain world

tanoraqui

The optimal plot is that Wen Yuan ropes Jin Ling into helping him set up WWX and LWJ, because he, too, is exasperated at this point, and Jin Ling ropes Wen Yuan into arranging like a parent trap reunion for the Jiang siblings, and obviously there are monsters and undead to complicate it all

tanoraqui

They kind of acquire Lan Jingyi somewhere, somehow. He’s having a blast

There is a 100% chance that the first Adult(TM) to find them is Wen Ning and they just kind of rope him into whatever the hell is going on at the time

...you know what, I think this is just a good au where JGY fucking died at some point

tanoraqui

Maybe someone threw him down the stairs again and he just broke his fucking neck. WWX is still vilified but between Jiang Cheng not really wanting to attack and Jiang (Jin?) Yanli being AGGRESSIVELY against it, and dragging JZX along with her, they’re left in peace.

tanoraqui

Oh man and Jin Ling has YOUNGER SIBLINGS in this...

Hey for u: Jiang Cheng/Wen Qing can accidentally happen while the Teens are trying to get everyone else to meet

Today at 8:42 AM

@professorsparklepants

I love this it's so goddamn wacky

tanoraqui

I just want teenager-based shenanigans ft. surprisingly competent teenagers and all the adults running around like chickens with their heads chopped off

professorsparklepants

Jingyi: why are you two more calm about this than the literal adults

Wen Yuan: have you met my dad?

tanoraqui

Also to be clear it is not at all hard to convince Wen Ning to join Team: Teenage Shenanigans, bc literally ANYONE in the Burial Mountain village would probably be down if you were like, “we’re engaged in a conspiracy to make Wei Wuxian fucking admit that he’s in love with that Lan guy who visits a couple times a year”

professorsparklepants

"This is my father, and this is his sugar daddy."

tanoraqui

I kinda wanna say he goes by “Wen Yuan” more often bc he’s 100% the baby of the entire remaining Wen clan there, but his adult name or w/e it’s called IS Wen Sizhui, because WWX asked LWJ if he had any suggestions and LWJ said this while maintaining eye contact

professorsparklepants

OH MY GOOOOOOD

tanoraqui

They meet LXC and he figures out what’s going on in like 4 minutes, despite the teens’ best attempts at obfuscation, and instead of calling anyone’s parents is like, “okay, I’m in”

professorsparklepants

#1 wingman...

tanoraqui

Jin Ling and Wen Yuan are definitely both traveling under false names, too? Wen Yuan obviously can’t admit to being a Wen and Jin Ling is making a privileged but slightly helicoptered teen’s rebellious bid for freedom

professorsparklepants

His dad is panicking at home and Yanli is like "boys need their freedom :)"

I saw a post forever ago about how Yanli would be the most hands off parent & Zixuan is an only child who would panic every time his kid fell down

tanoraqui

With a side order of “my mother is the only one who’ll say nice things about the Yiling Patriarch and she always looks sad when she does so I’m going to sneak into the Burial Mountain and either drag him out to see her or force my parents to come get me”

professorsparklepants

"I'm gonna beat up the Yiling Patriarch" "why" "he made my mom sad" "okay proceed"

tanoraqui

^ actual real conversation with WenYuan

professorsparklepants

A-Yuan then repeats the same thing to Wen Qing and she has the exact same answer, verbatim

tanoraqui

Side note: Wen Yuan has never been scared of the undead in his entire life, and probably this will lead to getting into severely life-threatening situations when he doesn’t have more backup than 2 other teenagers

professorsparklepants

Oh absolutely

professorsparklepants

He's so used to tuning out the sound of sentry corpses that one jumps on him and almost punches his lungs out

tanoraqui

Also what if he took WWX’s sword, so he looks like a proper normal cultivator - honestly, what if WWX gave him the sword when he turned 12, or whenever one customarily gives a child a sword in this world. He also has a flute stashed in his robe somewhere but he does know how to use both

tanoraqui

But also, while obviously it’s very important that this is the sword he inherited from his father, it’s never OCCURRED to him to, like, strongly associate it with WWX, in terms of “this would be a recognizable weapon”? Chenqing the flute, obviously, but WWX just left the sword on a shelf all the time

professorsparklepants

He's very good at fooling people into thinking he's a normal rogue cultivator until he busts out the flute

LOL YES

tanoraqui

So the first time someone looks at him and is like, “That is WWX’s sword” he achieves, like, “Who’s Morales? [NOT THAT DUMB]” levels of blank-brained

professorsparklepants

It like, doesn't even occur to him that this stick named whatever will be recognizable to people until it actually happens

"this is the Yiling Patriarch's sword!" "... I've never heard of him"

tanoraqui

“What sword?”

professorsparklepants

KDJAKSNJS

tanoraqui

“Oh, THIS sword? I...found it. In a stream.”

tanoraqui

Also...at some point...once the teens have admitted their identities to one another...and possibly gotten into a couple other increasingly public shenanigans...they run into a bunch of concerned people searching from the Jin or even Jiang sect - JC being there would be PERFECT - and Jin Ling is like, “aaahh, no, I don’t want to be dragged home... kidnap me.”

WY: what?

JL: pull out the flute, summon a couple corpses, shout that you’re the dread son of the Yiling Patriarch, and pretend to kidnap me

WY: ...yeah okay

AND THEN THEY DO THAT

professorsparklepants

The dumbass energy...... off the CHARTS

tanoraqui

They’re 15 and neither of them has ever faced consequences but in...actually not too different ways

They’re 15 and neither of them as ever faced consequences nor most of the real world

Oh my god is Lan Jingyi the most sensible person here

They’re going to DIE

professorsparklepants

JXHAKAJAKKQHSJA

JC and Yanli immediately see through this probably

"dumbass kid just doesn't want to go home. I'll break his legs."

tanoraqui

I think Yanli does but I have minimal faith in JC’s ability to think logically at any time

He’s still angry at WWX for leaving

professorsparklepants

Stomps to Yiling to demand his nephew back & wwx's like "lol, A-Yuan left two months ago"

Okay my shift is starting later

tanoraqui

/snort

Though, bold of you to assume that WWX isn’t also running around anxiously somewhere like “oh god, oh no, my son is missing; I must find him”

professorsparklepants

Sizhui is a responsible boy, I don't think he would leave without telling at least ONE person where he was going

tanoraqui

Ok but it was Wen Qing who thinks it’s good for WWX’s health to stop brooding and go run around like a headless chicken instead, optimally if he runs into his totally-not-a-boyfriend-Hahahaha-why-would-you-say-that

Alternately it was, like, Granny, which, ditto

No one on this mountain is going to stop WWX from going out to cause trouble and hopefully get laid, is my point

tanoraqui

Also, the cultivation world has been basically at peace for 13 years and the reason is that this is an ideal AU where JGY is dead and whenever trouble starts to stir politically, NHS and JYL meet eyes across the room and mentally Rock Paper Scissors over who has to manipulate everyone into calming the fuck down

Neither of them actually wants this job; they’re just good at it and recognize both those aspects in each other

professorsparklepants

LOLOLOL

That is.... so goddamn in character

tanoraqui

concept: JYL and NHS are friends and no one else understands it, or attributes it to JYL just being that nice, bc NHS still generally acts useless

professorsparklepants

Nhs actively wants to be useless and life is conspiring to make sure he can't

tanoraqui

a little less dramatically useless, but why ruin a good thing when you're having fun and it's useful

professorsparklepants

Lol

tanoraqui

but JYL fucking identified him as Actually Competent one time when he couldn't hide it, so now sometimes they get tea together and bitch about politics and stupid people

professorsparklepants

He's the only person who can correctly identify when she's talking shit about people, because it's VERY subtle and her brothers & husband are too busy thinking she hung the moon to notice

tanoraqui

JYL striding into Nie sect HQ (whatever it's called) and tossing her coat over a chair. "You would not BELIEVE what my brothers are doing now."

NHS: *probably knows, because he's found that the minor investment of effort in maintaining a very good spy network pays major dividends in helping him avoid greater work* *immediately sits up and pours her a cup of very expensive tea* Oh, girl, dish.

professorsparklepants

Question: are they also friends with lwj...

tanoraqui

yes but he's obviously not invited to hte political gossip sessions

professorsparklepants

I'm trying to imagine lwj making eye contact with them at some meeting his brother dragged him to and both of them struggling not to break into hysterics

tanoraqui

but they both know that he sneaks into Yiling to visit WWX a few times a year, and every single time, JYL sits him down within a couple weeks and aggressively debriefs him as to her brother's condition

professorsparklepants

I'm sure she tried to get him to take treats in

tanoraqui

for sure

it's hopeless, though, bc there's no really predicting WHEN he'll go? It's basically just "every 4-6 months when LWJ's resolve breaks"

professorsparklepants

Too bad she's not a stress quilter instead of a stress baker

tanoraqui

she gets him to go at an actual arranged time, bearing pork soup, like once, for WWX's 30th birthday or something

professorsparklepants

tanoraqui

omg lit brain: LWJ of course is hte WORST for getting gossip, but JYL has pieced together a reasonable amount about the people her idiot baby brother (#2) is now living with. And she's mildly despairing as to idiot baby brother #1's ongoing refusal to get married and have an heir or three. So she, if not actively connives, then certainly siezes the first available opportunity to set Jiang Cheng up with Wen Qing

tanoraqui

basically, this au is PEAK romcom

tanoraqui

...also, for max happiness, i'd like to think that WWX made some strategic raids to rescue additional Wen refugees and bring them back, so there's a properly populated village and they didn't all just die

professorsparklepants

!!!

Good... Good thoughts

Good because 1. more people die and 2. The Yiling Patriarch will attack your village and steal your people away!

tanoraqui

(romcom being exclusively adults-focussed; the teens initiate it all but Jin Ling and Wen Yuan are both so delighted to have an Additional (But Cooler) Family Member that they comfortably cousinzone each other instantly)

professorsparklepants

*nice*

tanoraqui

...i feel like i keep characterizing Jin Ling as an only child, when really he ought to have a small horde of siblings

maybe they just...couldn't conceive more. shit happens. pregnancy is hard.

professorsparklepants

That happens sometimes

#mdzs #the untamed #ficlet #my fic #lan sizhui #jin ling #lan jingyi #(not actually here much; rip)#wen ning #wei wuxian #lan wangji #jiang yanli #nie huaisang #lan xichen #wen qing

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fenristheorem · 3 years

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Lance finding out that Gardienne killed herself? After a while of her being in the HQ again, he has fallen in love with her. She just couldn't bear those seven years, having lost that many people and being here just to save this world by suffering.

He wanted to tell her he loved her, he knocked her door, he worried bc no one answered, and he finds her hanged up.

I know this is really specific, it's just kind of my OC ending😅😅 anyway, I'd understand if you weren't comfortable with this.

So I’m going to talk about the boundaries of what I write for a moment, starting by saying that I will write this BUT I won’t write detailed suicide scenes due to the sensitive nature of it.

This ask isn’t asking for a detailed scene, it’s asking for the effects the decision has on Lance, and because it’s asking for the long-term effects and not a scenario I’m just fine with writing this.

Thank you for asking this, Anon, genuinely. Being this specific was probably what gave me the push to write this in the end because I know you were looking for the reaction and not the actual scene. This is a good example of a post that walks along the lines of what I will and won’t write so anyone requesting future asks with a similar subject gets a better idea of what to ask.

Also, I apologize for how long this took to write. This ask was, unfortunately, the one that spent the most time eaten in my drafts folder so I couldn’t work on it until about a week ago. Fortunately that gave me a lot of time to think over how to best write this, so I think this’ll be appropriately written considering the subject.

*Warning / Note: This post contains heavy depressive themes and suicidal mentions, as evident by the ask and what I wrote above. I’m aware that this is a very sensitive subject and I intend to treat it with appropriate seriousness. This is not a happy post, please only read this if you know this won’t lead you down a dark path. To me, writing is another form of art, meant to express and draw out emotions from the audience, so I won’t subside the intensity of my writing even with this being a sensitive subject. I don’t intend to drive anyone to harm themselves, but I do intend to write with the intensity that I always do because this is my artform; so please prepare for heavy themes or don’t read if you’re not comfortable with this. On a side note: I care about everyone, I really do, so please take care of yourselves. If you’re feeling depressive or suicidal, talk to someone, please. There is always someone who cares about you.

Technically Guardienne's death may have a major adverse effect on Eldarya due to her link with the crystal, but for the sake of this ask I'll ignore any possible effects like that.

~Under the cut~

Lance’s reaction to Guardienne’s suicide:

Lance had seen a lot of terrible things in life and had done many terrible things in his life, but this reached a new type of fucked up for him. Not because it's truly disturbing - although it is deeply disturbing - but because it fucked him up even more in a way that he neither thought could be possible nor that he could bear.

He’s convinced that he’s cursed; everything that’s happened to him has been his fault. He started the war within Eldarya, destroyed so many faeries’ lives, killed his own brother, and now the woman he loved is dead because of him as well. Sure, he wasn’t the one to tie the rope around her neck, but there are signs for these sorts of things. Was he truly that blind that he couldn’t see that she was in pain? Did he ever truly love her if he couldn’t see the pain? Would she have done anything differently if he wasn’t there to constantly remind her of everything that was lost?

Lance believes he deserves this. He’s caused so much pain and agony for everyone, it only makes sense that he should be the one in pain now. Lance won’t try to fight the agony he’s in, he’ll let himself drown in it for nights on end to wake up - or not even sleep to begin with - feeling exhausted, reckless, irritated and - overall - worthless. He’s sure to emerge from his room in the morning without the slightest hint that he’s been sobbing quietly with the feeling of a dagger twisting itself over and over within his chest all night, and he’ll refuse to answer any questions about if he’s alright after the recent events. He was the one to find her after all; it would make sense that he was hit the hardest...

In the daytime he’ll be rough and withholding, keeping the Obsidian guard in a tight hold to reflect how he needs to hold himself tightly to keep from falling apart. It’s one thing for him feel and express emotions, but this feeling is an entirely different thing; this is something that should not be released into Eldarya. He realizes it and knows that this feeling - something that he recognizes all too well from his past - threatens to destroy everything that he worked so hard to gain in the past seven years.

Mathieu will notice Lance’s change in temperament immediately, and being the kind man he is he’ll want to be there for the dragon, but Lance won’t be looking for comfort; he’ll be looking for something that will change the past and take back everything that happened. But that’s impossible - he knows that - and so he’ll be stuck in a state of limbo, deemed to mourn for his unknown, unrealized love until... something happens to change him.

Ice cold fear will wash over him some days as he recognizes the familiar feeling that haunted him in the past, and while he’ll be aching to reach out to lean on someone for support - afraid of this feeling overwhelming him again - he’ll feel that he can’t lean on anyone. He doesn’t deserve that support at this point after all he’s done, and there’s so many others who are busy grieving; the guard needs him to be strong now. However, on occasion - when he has a clear mind - he’ll grieve gently with someone who’s somewhat close to him, sharing kind memories of Guardienne and gently advising them to spend time around friends if his co-worker feels it’s needed. He’ll never completely break in front of anyone though, he can’t bring himself to.

However, Lance falls apart immediately when he’s alone, sometimes even lingering in the conference room for a few minutes after a meeting to allow himself the private time alone to recollect himself. Grief will randomly hit him throughout the day, constricting his throat, burning his chest, and glassing over his eyes - and every time he’ll excuse himself from his company to isolate himself until he regains control again. This, of course, is taken into notice by a few others around the guard, and slowly there’ll be people who realize that Lance is not fine.

This becomes a further issue over time as his grief slowly turns into anger and disgust, and this is when that familiar, ominous feeling from his past really rears it’s ugly face. He should have seen something. Was he really that terrible to her that she felt she couldn’t trust him? Was everyone really that blind to not see her hurting?

Lance finds that he begins to choose to isolate himself, mentally and physically. He’ll leave the guards members alone that have stated they need time off, but he won’t be very forgiving with those who have chosen to continue their work but seem to be slacking. His mentality is that if you can’t handle continuing on, then don’t offer your service as it’ll become a hindrance, and this quickly becomes a major issue.

Huang Hua - knowing how important Guardienne was to Eldarya, and the guard especially - has let it be known that if anyone needs a break from their responsibilities, then it’ll be allowed, but she will stress that those who feel they can continue to function please try to do so, and be lenient and take on a few responsibilities that aren’t usually asked of them if they feel they can. She can read other’s auras and sense intentions and emotions of sorts, so she can generally get a good read on how someone is doing, but she can’t consistently do that with everyone, so while she’ll use this ability when necessary to enforce that someone take a break so they don’t fall apart, not every unstable case is known to her. This is the main reason why she slightly overlooks Lance for a while. When he first found Guardienne, he panicked immediately, rushing her to Ewelein and not even truly believing her death until many days after the event. Huang Hua - having sensed his shock and panic blocking out any other emotions - let it go for a few days; everyone goes through their own grieving process, some immediately and some not until many years afterwards. There was nothing that anyone could do for him until Guardienne’s death hit him fully. However, she also knew from her abilities that Lance was in love with her, or at very least had a deep liking for Guardienne, so the instant a few members of the guard come to her expressing serious concerns regarding Lance’s recent aggression and distance, Huang Hua knows immediately that it needs to be dealt with. This grief was an unknown factor in Lance’s new life - but his past with this type of grief shows clearly that this can really fuck him up - so it needed to be discussed, otherwise he risks spiraling back into the same place he was seven years ago.

She’ll approach him when he’s alone, or if they’re in a relatively public space she’ll take him somewhere private, sensing all the while the breathtakingly painful feeling of agony, anger and distress that’s clouding his mentality. It was just the same as when he was Ashkore, how did he not yet break? He’ll refuse to follow her if he knows she wants to talk about his emotions - ironic since he’s always been open to sharing his perspective and thoughts - so she’ll just tell him that she needs to talk to him in private regarding a few anonymous tips from some guards members if he happens to ask why.

Being alone with an unstable, emotionally distraught dragon with a history of violence while under heavy states of grief does unsettle her a bit, but she knows the outcome of this will be much worse if he truly feels isolated. He’s not going to reach out for help by himself - he doesn’t know how to, nor does he probably want to - so she needs to be the one to reach out to him and help him stabilize himself before another situation like Valkyon’s death occurrs.

She’ll consider first talking alone with him in his room - where he’d likely feel most comfortable - but considering he’d likely be defensive, that could then translate into aggression in his own territory, and that may lead her to being forced out of his room for her own safety. Lance has certainly changed in temperament, but heavy grieving emotions can blind someone, so there’s really no promising that nothing... destructive may happen, no matter how much he’s changed in patience.

She then considers talking with him in the conference room, but there isn’t a whole lot of privacy there. The conference room is more for business, rather than personal, private, emotional conversations. The last thing Lance needed in this moment was for his emotions to be treated even slightly like a business confrontation and not as an important part of his being. Frankly, even on a day where he’s feeling just fine he would never accept anyone’s emotions to be treated like a business issue, so the last thing she wanted was to imply that by bringing him into a room that could do just that.

Huang Hua then thinks over the idea of talking to him in her room; it would likely be safer, after all. He probably won’t become territorial or aggressive as it’s not his territory, and it’ll be a gentle reminder that she’s happy to welcome him into her personal life to help comfort him (therefore defeating the concern that it could seem like a business confrontation), but since it’s her territory he might emotionally shut himself down. It can be uncomfortable to fall apart in someone else’s room, especially knowing they’re higher ranking and could be interrupted at any moment to deal with something else...

Then she wonders if she should bring him outside of the guard to speak with him - somewhere that’s private and on neutral ground. That way they’d both be in strange territory and may not be interrupted, and if they are they’d receive prior warning by noticing that someone was walking their way.

Of course, Huang Hua then realizes that - no matter how much she’d like to think that she understands what would make Lance most comfortable - she truly doesn’t know what would help him best, but she can be there to provide support at very least, regardless of where they are. At the end of the day, Lance would probably know where he’d feel most comfortable, so when she approaches him to talk, saying that it’s an important but private conversation, she’ll ask him where he would rather talk. He’ll be slightly hostile, especially when he picks up on the fact that she’s going out of her way to word things carefully and prioritize his comfort, but he’ll decide to talk somewhere private outside the guard, where no one is around.

And that’s how Huang Hua finds herself in the middle of the open plains, far away from the guard to talk to a dragon who might as well be stabbing himself with his own dagger with how he’s been allowing himself to feel as of late. She’ll start off gently, telling him the recent concerns of a few anonymous guard’s members and Lance will stand a few feet away and listen coldly with a blank expression until she suggests that he take a few days off. He’ll debate things with her then, and it’ll escalate slowly until Lance is clearly distressed but still unmoving in his decision to remain active, and Huang Hua will know then that she can’t be gentle anymore...

“Lance, take a few days off, for your sake.”

“No.” His tone is harsh and cold as he snaps at her. “The guard needs me, there’s so much I need to do - so much I need to repay-” He didn’t mean to let that last statement slip - after all, his actions certainly couldn’t be made up for, right? - but emotions can be a powerful thing, can’t they?

“You won’t be able to do any of that if you’re destroying everything you’ve helped rebuild in the process.” Lance is pacing, keeping his eyes trained to the ground. Huang Hua - despite her anxiousness at the dragon being so stubborn on decisions made under heavy negative emotions - tries to keep a comforting, open atmosphere to avoid furthering any issues. “You know the pain you’ve cast upon on others, you’ve felt that same sort of pain now and you need to take time to be able to recover from that.”

“I can’t take time, it’s not something I can just accept! Everyone I’ve hurt before never had time to accept the situation before I made it worse, but they still pushed forward! There’s no reason for me to have it any easier!”

“And where would we be if we treated you the same way you used to treat the world? Would we be any better than how you used to be?”

Lance stops pacing but his eyes remain on the ground, his throat constricting as his thoughts run rampant. Would they be the same as how he used to be if they allowed him to keep running himself this way? He’s done terrible things, but he’s spent many years trying to keep that from happening again. Certainly he’s an asset to the guard now, so would it be cruel of them to ignore his distress? Or would it be justified payback for everything he’s done?

“Lance, you’ve done wonderful things the past seven years, and we want you to continue that and I know you want to continue that as well. Take some time off so you can do that without destroying yourself or your environment. Don’t ignore your pain like it’s nothing - it’s not nothing, and you have the resources to deal with it in a better way now. Use those resources, Lance, it’ll help you work your way through this.” Huang Hua’s tone is gentle and soft as she pleads with him, hoping that her blunt words will reach his common sense.

He tries to argue this, stuttering the beginning of sentences to try and disprove her point, grasping for any reason as to why his pain is invalid. However, Lance finds that there’s no sound argument against Huang Hua’s words, and constricting panic, horror, and then heavy tides of grief will hit him as he realizes that he is, in fact, dragging himself into his own downfall. He is his own worst enemy, once again.

In any manner, this is all his fault - his past actions, Guardienne’s distress of what’s changed that lead to her death, his emotional isolation, and disruption of the guard is all because he doesn’t know how to deal with himself and his abyss of emotions. How did this happen to him? He was never the type of person to deny and hide away his emotions, so how is it he ended up caging himself like this when under personal grief? Is it because the situation is so personal to him that he has a hard time allowing himself to seek comfort in others who likely couldn’t understand?

Lance will fall apart at this, closing his eyes and turning towards the ground to keep himself together, but falling apart all the same as grief overwhelms him one final time in a push that throws him over the edge. He’ll clench his fist and bow his head, bringing it over his mouth as he desperately tries to steady his breathing, to no avail as tears find their way from his eyes and his chest heaves in quieted sobs.

Huang Hua will lurch forward to comfort him, but stops as Lance whirls around to step back and snap at her - he didn’t want comfort, he wanted her back!

“Where were you for her!? Why didn’t anyone else see her pain!?” His eyes are tragedy and desperation underneath the weakened cold anger of ice blue, a faint few tears streaking down his face as his voice - thunderous and howling - cracks and breaks alongside his crumbling rage. If he couldn’t have fixed this, then someone else could have - why didn’t anyone fix this!?

“You know it’s not morally correct to monitor everyone’s private emotions all the time. What kind of leader would I be if I didn’t allow my people their privacy?” Huang Hua stills and clasps her hands together at her waist, understanding Lance’s outward anger. However, she realized his statement signaled something else as well; Lance could no longer fight why he should allow himself to grieve, so he was desperately clinging onto some semblance of needing to be distant by turning it to be someone’s fault - someone that he could hate. “You are right in a way; of the many people who knew her, someone might have been able to catch how torn up she felt, but people who wish to hide their pain, or spend so long hiding their pain that it becomes a part of who they are, learn how to hide their pain in ways too complex for others to realize. And, Lance, if she didn’t want anyone to know about her grief, there wouldn’t have been much that I could have done anyways.”

“You could have helped her!” The dragon’s voice was weakening as he spoke, distant anger being replaced by a cold, hollow emptiness as he realized the truth in Huang Hua’s words.

“Only if she was ready for that help. You can’t force someone to accept help, you can only wait for them to allow themselves to be helped.”

“She wouldn’t want me to find relief during this time...” He looked away toward the ground and hung his head, blinking rapidly as he began to heave for breath. There must be a reason why he shouldn’t be allowed to feel this way .

“Do you think she would have wanted everything good you did - whether she knows what you did or not - to be destroyed because of your grief for her?” Lance’s eyes squinted closed and he tilted his head a bit further away from the phoenix. It seemed as though every reminder of everything good he’s done continues to leave him with a hollow chest. “I think if she witnessed firsthand everything you’ve done the past seven years she would have thought very differently about you now than what she did when first having woken up from the crystal.”

Lance turns to face his back towards her, resting a palm on his forehead before brushing his fingers back through his hair as a tremble rolls through him. He could feel pressure rising from his throat as he bared his teeth in an agonized snarl before parting his mouth to silently gasp for air. His head tilted back to look at the sky, only for a few tears to fall from his eyes when he releases a shaky breath.

“Lance, your situation with her was very unique - no one else could begin to understand exactly what you’re feeling from your history with her. Take some time so you can understand it - and fix, or do, or feel whatever you need to - so you can carry forward knowing yourself better.”

He wanted to fight her statement, but his moral compass argued with his resistance on this as well. If anything, of whatever terrible things came as a result of her death, there should be some good sought from it as well. What’s the point of accepting a tragedy if not to learn something from it as well, even if it’s something quiet that no one else knows you learned?

For the first time in a long while - if not ever - Lance allows himself to break and be comforted. He lets himself embrace the burning, stinging pain that rises in his chest as he turns his head back to the ground and collapses on his knees. Huang Hua immediately reacts and is by his side in moments, on her knees and laying a gentle hand on his shoulder as she leans against him slightly. Sobs escape his throat as his body tenses and curls forward slightly, bracing a hand on the ground to steady himself as tremulous waves of emotions - any and all emotions that could possibly be named - wash over him and leave him gasping for air.

“I miss her, too.” Huang Hua’s voice shakes now as she leans further against the dragon, bringing her arms as far around him as she can while her head rests against his shoulder, away from the spines on his pauldrons. Lance brings his other hand up and tightly grasps the forearm reaching across his chest.

Huang Hua had spent so much time trying to help others through this that she had completely forgotten to make sure she was alright as well, and seeing Lance - the man she least expected to be torn apart by this situation - completely break and fall apart before her eyes reminded her of the true depth of their loss. They didn’t just lose Eldarya’s savior, they had lost a friend, a great warrior, one of the last angels, someone who was pure at heart and wasn’t afraid to face the darkness of life without so much as a blink of hesitation. They had lost someone who gave everything for the world, and suffered because of it.

Minutes merged until they were unsure of how long they spent in the fields, but in time both of them calmed down. Lance - now able to think clearer on the subject - began to reflect on the situation.

“This wasn’t her fault... the blame is on all of us, for not having seen anything... but she must have known that someone would have been there for her if they knew how much she was hurting...” He murmured this quietly, waves of shame washing over him again as he realized he was perhaps pinning some of the blame on Guardienne. Was there really anyone to blame here? She must have known that someone would have been there for her if she sought help, but it’s not right for others to pry into the personal life of another if the intrusion is unwelcomed, and who was to say she wanted help in the first place? Had she given up? Would anyone have been able to stop her to begin with? Who was to blame, if there was anyone?

“There’s nothing we can do now except honor her and move forward.” Huang Hua whispered back with a shaky voice and Lance faintly nodded his head. There were many things that worked together to lead to this happening, and in between there also were moments where something could have helped deter it, both by her doing and by others. At the root core, everyone and anyone could have helped stop this in some way, even if it was by giving her a small passing smile that could have helped remind her that there is good and hope in the world, but there’s also no guarantee that anyone could have stopped it. Regardless, this is how things happened. They can’t change the past, but they can move forward with her in mind and learn from this.

Lance - despite his heavy grief and complex emotions on everything - begins to soften himself to the situation. He’s not the only one grieving. His situation may have been the most complicated, but he’s still in the same boat as everyone else. He doesn’t feel the need to sob alongside the others anymore, but he does find that whenever the group he’s in begins to fall apart into wailing, he’ll bow his head and won’t hide the obvious pain that he’s in at the reminder of his lost love. His feelings for Guardienne will be kept quiet, and he won’t openly say how he felt about her - it could still be seen as wrong in the opinion of some people for him to have fallen in love with the same woman he hurt so much, especially knowing her pain is what led to her death - but he won’t deny the truth of his feelings to those who caught on somehow. Lance will find that he’ll slowly begin to mend after this death, many months after of course, but it’ll happen, and in some ways this will help him move past his brother’s death as well. After all, in the end both Guardienne and Valkyon came to accept their final moments in life before allowing Lance’s past actions to bring about their end, and although one chose to die to help mend him and the other chose to die to help relieve herself, the root issue of the situation that led to their death was still very similar. He’ll have a hard time allowing himself to move past the fact that his actions played a major part in both deaths, but he realizes in time that that’s what happens when someone has a violent past. It’ll haunt for many years, and the effects of it can never be reversed, but in the end this only inspires him to work harder to provide a better world. Maybe he can’t erase what he did, but he can make sure it doesn’t happen again and work to provide Eldarya with as much good as he can provide now.

Without a doubt Guardienne’s death hits him hard, but he’ll be sure to come back twice as strong from this.

I hope you like this, Anon! I feel Guardienne’s suicide would definitely hit Lance hard and remind him subtly of Valkyon’s death, but I don’t see Lance being held down by this for too long. He’d heavily grieve for her for a good while before he eventually finds himself standing on two feet again and powering his way through life, if not for his own sake then for the sake of others, both alive and dead.

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#Eldarya ANE #eldarya lance #fenristheorem writing #askfenris

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iamanartichoke · 3 years

Text

[please blacklist spoiler tags: #loki tv series spoilers, #loki series spoilers, #loki spoilers]

Yes, I did just watch episode 2 at 5:30 in the morning.

No, I am not sorry. Not at the moment, although when I inevitably crash later this afternoon, I will be.

Just some very, very quick - and scattered and messy - thoughts: That is a straight up lie; they’re definitely scattered and messy but not very quick at all.

Under the cut for spoilers and length.

I’m going to start with Loki’s characterization. My honest opinion is that Loki’s overall characterization feels like a fic characterization. He definitely is not Avengers Loki, like, at all. I don't know if Tom just, like, forgot how to play that Loki or ...?? That, or Loki was so much more mind-controlled than we realized and getting hulk-smashed just completely reset him back to zero but also fucked him up a little bit and affected his personality, kind of like how some people completely develop weird new personality quirks after a traumatic brain injury.

… yeah, I think that’s where I’m gonna land for now. TV series!Loki feels like a more-or-less canon version of Loki, but if that Loki got hit in the head really hard and now he’s just a little bit fucked up but overall no worse for the wear. Which - it may be that it’s so early in the morning, but that’s actually really fucking funny to me, lmao. God, I kill me. It’s not funny.

No, but, that’s pretty much how I feel. He’s ooc but he’s also ic, and the reason I’m not particularly bothered by the inconsistency, for lack of a better word, is because that’s what pretty much every fic Loki already feels like to me? (Including my own, so I’m not, like, saying that in a derogatory way.) Which is why I say Loki feels like a fic!Loki and to try to explain it better - there is always, for me, a little suspension of disbelief that I employ when I read fic. The reason for that is because the context, the plot, and the dynamics of the fic are usually pretty different than what we ever get in canon, so it becomes a matter of taking film!Loki and, like, bending him a bit in order to fit him into the perimeters of the fic.

The result ends up being that I don’t see the exact Avengers!Loki or TDW!Loki, and thus by definition the portrayal is ooc, but the version that I do see feels like a genuine extension of the canon version, possessing enough of Loki’s overall traits and characteristics that he feels authentic, albeit a bit pretzeled for the new context.

I honestly think that’s something that’s unavoidable, just due to the fact that in fic - and now, in this series - there are a lot more variables at play than there are in the films, wherein Loki is not just a supporting character but also the villain/antagonist and is therefore very limited in what he does/what the narrative allows him to do. When those limitations are taken away, what are we going to see? Probably a lot of different things, and yeah, a lot of them are going to feel a little ooc. And, like in fic, even if the characterization mostly lands, there are definitely bits and pieces (some fics more than others lean this way) where the author didn’t stick the landing or got carried away or otherwise probably forgot for a while that they were writing Loki, not their own OC.

That’s the point where it strays into cringe territory for me (and where the ‘heh, he’s Loki but with a brain injury’ aspect comes in), but while I had to consciously decide to just ignore those moments, overall the tone in this episode felt a bit more balanced between the new, the old, and the cringe, and less whiplash-y from the beginning of the episode to the end.

… I have no idea if that makes sense, but what I’m basically saying is that while I am enjoying this version of Loki, I do recognize all of the ways he’s ooc but, unlike how I feel about Ragnarok!Loki, the ooc-ness feels genuine and unavoidable rather than just a fundamental and careless misunderstanding of the character altogether. In other words, I feel like any ooc-ness here is happening despite the writers taking care to do their best, and isn’t just a result of Loki being lazily written by a person or persons who just doesn’t want to bother with him at all.

Again, I don’t know if that makes sense, but fuck it, there we are and I’m moving on.

I liked all of the little details, including again, things that felt straight out of fic, like Loki asking Mobius why he has the jetski magazine. (Also, if any of my thorki friends read this, was I the only one who noticed that when we see Loki reading the magazine, it just happens to be open to a page with a picture featuring a jet skier who looks like Thor? l.m.a.o.)

Loki interrupting things to explain the difference between illusions vs the other power (I can’t remember which one, off hand, and if I stop writing to go look it up I will lose my train of thought and not finish this) was great, but his overall input and contributions to the missions inspired very mixed feelings for me. On the one hand, I loved that the narrative, via Loki, is reminding us of all these things that he’s capable of that the films generally left out or brushed aside or ignored - but, every time he spoke, he was met with eye rolls and sighs and just a general feeling of “someone please shut this guy up” and I didn’t like the narrative treating him that way.

But also, it’s understandable bc none of the people on his team are actually on his team. None of them want him there (story of Loki’s fucking life), none of them trust him, and none of them are particularly interested in hearing what he has to say. So it’s like, I understand why they reacted the way they did, and I don’t think their reactions are meant to support an overall narrative undermining of Loki’s skills and input - but, the tone is hard to read for me bc I am very defensive and protective of Loki. I can’t quite determine the line between the TVA agents being unreliable narrators (ie, they’re annoyed by Loki bc of who he is to them, but that doesn’t mean the audience is supposed to feel the same) and the TVA agents validating that Loki is just being a nuisance (and, thus, the audience is supposed to feel the same).

That is, I know how I am consuming the narrative (that they’re unreliable narrators), but I’m not sure if that’s how tptb are intending for me to consume the narrative - and I guess it doesn’t really matter, but it’s worth mentioning.

In general, I really liked, again, Loki existing in his own space and watching the way he carried himself. I especially found it interesting that his hands were almost always in his pockets - for one thing it's a stance I tend to imagine him taking often in fic, but also it’s kind of a weird choice bc pockets don’t seem to be a thing in Asgardian clothing. It makes me feel like Loki is the kind of person who never knows what to do with his hands but is always conscious of them, as is common among anxious and self-conscious people, and I just find that relatable on a weird level.

I am really kinda torn on Mobius in this episode; when not interrogating Loki, he’s much less antagonistic toward Loki and therefore I’m more inclined to take-him-or-leave-him but I’ll go ahead and take him I guess. Yet at the same time, bc he’s not interrogating Loki he’s also not trying to put on a show for Loki and when you take that away, he really doesn’t seem to like Loki at all. It supports that Mobius only wants what Loki can do for him and doesn’t actually particularly care about him as a person, which is fine and more or less what I figured, but it contributes to me not really being able to decide how I feel about him in general. Idk, though, I kinda like their dynamic? Like I want them to end up friends?

Regardless, Tom and Owen have amazing chemistry and it’s really funny to me bc (not to be a jerk) I honestly didn’t know Owen Wilson could act. Like, I’ve never seen him in a role where he wasn’t just playing Owen Wilson. So for him to not only be playing Mobius so well but also having such chemistry and a sense of holding-his-own against Tom Hiddleston is like, color me surprised but pleasantly so.

I like B-15 a lot, even though she obviously hates Loki, so idk why I like her but I do. I like Renslayer less, but meh. (Side note - when I was in undergrad in Syracuse, I took the Amtrak from Syracuse to Boston and back more than a few times, for reasons that aren’t relevant, and that route always had a layover at Albany-Rensselaer and every single time I see Renslayer’s name, I want to call her Rensselaer instead.) Shout out to the guest appearance by Casey, sorry Loki stole your juice lmfao.

The moments from the trailer that were very cringe were less so in context (though still kinda cringe, tbh). I think we’ve seen most of the content from the trailers in the first two episodes now, though, which means going forward, it’s going to be like 95% previously unseen material (aside from the brief apocalyptic shots and so forth).

One thing I fucking loved was how Loki, reading about Ragnarok, was visibly affected and even teared up a bit, and you could tell he was in his feels about it, but then later when Mobius expresses sympathy, Loki is just like, “Uh huh, very sad, but anyway.” It was a subtle (well maybe not that subtle) but effective way to remind us that what Loki presents to other people is more often than not a mask and he keeps his true feelings close to the chest. It makes last week’s breakdown have even more of an impact, I think, bc clearly Loki was at the end of his rope to allow himself to show that much raw emotion and vulnerability, but also - for me - there’s a niggling little doubt there that wasn’t there before, in that there was probably more performance in it than I thought.

By which I mean, I think his reaction to the film of his life when he was alone was genuine but, while I previously thought his admission to Mobius later was also genuine, I now think was probably half genuine and half performative. I know others already figured that out, but I’m a little slow and, also, I don’t mind changing my opinion and interpretation from week to week.

Along the same lines, I wasn’t exactly surprised to see that Loki is “undercover” in the TVA, but it was nice to see it acknowledged fairly quickly. Not sure I buy that Loki wants to overthrow and rule the TVA - it’s still a little too “Loki only wants a throne” for me, but again, just because that’s what he told the variant doesn’t mean that’s actually what he’s after.

And, finally, I like the variant, I love Loki’s reaction to seeing her, and while I realize that the show has acknowledged Loki’s gender fluidity and we’re meant to assume that Lady Loki (I guess? Not sure if we’re going with that or not here) is Loki, I saw a theory somewhere about how this is actually not Loki-Loki, but - I wanna say her name Sophie but that’s the actress, again I can’t go look it up bc I will lose my train of thought - but it’s a character who is similar to Amora and who was created by Loki and models herself as Loki but she’s actually someone else.

Ugh I can’t remember the details of the theory, but I am kinda going with it bc I don’t think that Loki would look so - not surprised but just kind of “oh, well, I wasn’t expecting that�� if he were seeing the female version of himself. Like, he doesn’t seem to recognize her the way I assume he would recognize himself, male or female. Not only does that make me feel like she’s actually someone else, but also not recognizing her as the female version of himself doesn’t necessarily mean Loki doesn’t recognize her at all. He may very well recognize her as this other Amora-similar character and, if so, I really want to see how that character fits with MCU Loki (as I think she’s a comic book character but, again, I’d have to go back and find that theory).

Edit: I found a version of it here.

Overall score, B-. Mostly solid, but needs moar Loki breakdowns and tears. (That's just me, don't fucking judge me.) Also, I really hate that we have to wait a week between episodes. I wish they were following Netflix’s method of dropping the entire season at once but, then again, if they did that, I’m not sure any of us would survive.

I gotta get ready for work and I deleted and rewrote so much of this and it still seems nonsensical to me, lmfao fml. Anyway feel free to interact/send me asks/whatever, it’s going to be a long fucking day with all of this on my mind. I’ll be working my way through my dash as best as I can.

Oh, also! Loki is so fucking pretty in this episode! The TVA suit is ugly, but he makes it work, and his hair's combed nicely and he looks like he finally got an opportunity to sleep and shower and eat something and, yknow, it's working for him.

#loki tv series spoilers #loki series spoilers #loki spoilers #loki pokey artichokey #also thought it was interesting that as soon as mobius gave him the jacket #loki barely took it off and didn't go anywhere without it #lending even more credence to the fact that he likes to be as covered up as possible at all times

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phoebehalliwell · 3 years

Note

christy in law school...so, you'd have to fudge her age a bit, but imagine christy in law school/maybe just graduated in season four meeting paige right after she becomes a witch. and maybe we never had a phoebe/cole thing, so christy's the first demon we see trying to infiltrate the charmed ones using paige and her inexperience as a way in. only, whoops, she might be catching feelings for the witch she's supposed to be spying on.

(and then if you want an additional wrinkle, sometime after she turns good - or maybe even the reason she turns good - christy tracks down her birth family only to find her former demon masters murdered her parents and orphaned her pre-teen sister, and she scoops billie up and hightails it back to san fran and paige all "i need you and your sisters to help me fight some demons and i need you to help me raise billie bc i know nothing about kids)

okay but like if we are putting christy + paige closer in age can i literally pitch at some point in high school paige and christy committed arson together???? like? like some really kinda you know fucked up crime crime but like a fun one (arson) like haha just girls being girls you know,, lighting stuff on fire 😗✌ only for you know christy to find paige years later and not only is she at social services which woah what a turn around but holy fuck is she a whitelighter too?? wait okay actually in an au where paige and christy are the same year but we can say went to different schools like paige is def a public school girl but you know if christy is the ultimate power being groomed by demons all that we're def going bougie private school but idk they meet through their fellow hedonistic evil teen friends they don't date but they do at least once 1) hook up & then of course 2) commit arson together. the point is christy fresh out of law school and a little too smart for her own good is trying to look up on her family and like the place for her to start is gonna be social services and wow this girl looks really familiar and then the other shoe drops. and then it's just like. catch up. get some coffee i guess? long lost sister? okay. they're working together. prue dies and paige becomes a charmed one. she's working with christy when piper and phoebe coming kicking down her cubicle for one reason or another and paige is like haha yeah speaking of long lost sisters as it turns out i've got a couple of my own and christy looks up to see The Motherfucking Charmed Ones????? Paige Is A CHARMED ONE???? okay. okay i guess i can't take her to the firm's christmas party.

i also think if we still want like a really young billie just for dynamic's sake, then billie could be christy's half sister, and it could even be like. well now i'm just really fucking with canon but from billie's mom side we have a latent witch gene she's unaware of and christy was a teen pregnancy with a guy whose name she can't even remember (but unbeknownst to her,,, he was a demon!! unbeknownst to said demon he fathered a child whoops lmao) so for a while it was just christy and her mother the two fending for themselves you know they're actually making it pretty well christy starts developing powers her mom remembers all the stories her grandmother used to tell her and realizes christy's a witch (the demon part never clicked until like. well into christy being raised by demons). then, l8r, christy's mom meets billie's dad & they start to fall in love now get this okay so here me out billie's dad is half whitelighter. not a whitelighter-witch. just half whitelighter. his mom was a future whitelighter who fell in love with her whitelighter, not knowing he was you know A Whitelighter. she got pregnant and her whitelighter cloaked her from the elders but idk the elders still found out and like recycled him or whatever so he wasn't there to see his son born. But. since billie's dad has no latent magical gene, the whitelighter side goes unactivated. blah blah blah Then billie is born, as a whitelighter-witch. the ultimate power is specifically a demon and an angel who share the same blood. and then we get billie/christy's tragic backstory where like. idk christy's in middle school or whatever but it's her job to walk lil billie to kindergarten every morning or something they're at the bus stop in the early morning san francisco fog when they hear rustling and billie's scared but christy's like it's okay i'll protect u as long as i'm here you're gonna be safe okay and this one'll be our red herring it's just some evil mortal who tried kidnapping them and christy like lights him on fire and the like runs away unclear if he lives or not but fuck that guy i hope he dies. But. this display of her powers has marked christy as a demon to other demons who like within a week or two do kidnap her (on halloween! bc that's lit.) so boom. there's our tragic backstory and our billie/christy split, in which billie ends up entering the charmed one's lives as a fellow witchlighter who needs to learn the ropes.

#charmed #christy jenkins #paige matthews #billie jenkins #this is literally so far severed from canon but it could be fun #💌

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dreamiehrs · 5 years

Text

deskmates ➛ n.jm

genre: fluff, high school au, deskmate!jaemin, kinda strangers to friends to lovers, reserved!y/n

pairing: jaemin x you

requested: yes

note: this was requested by this lovely anon! I felt a string pull in my heart when you said that the reader isn’t a touchy person bc... I’m the same! so I was really excited to write this hehe o(≧∇≦o)!! hope you enjoy it! (gif credit: @minhaes)

tomorrow is your first day of junior year and to say that you were nervous was... an understatement

even though this was your third year in high school and you should be used to it by now you just!! couldn’t contain the butterflies in your stomach when you thought about it

schedules for your classes had come out a few days ago and you had immediately checked to see if you had any friends in your classes

unfortunately... you didn’t TT

at least you had lunch with all of them though ( ᵕ̤ ‧̫̮ ᵕ̤ )

you spend the rest of the day buying school supplies because you’re... that person

but all of the supplies you buy are really adorable so that’ll motivate you to get your homework done!! and to study!! get on your game y/n

anyways, tomorrow finally comes and you’re super close to pretending you’re sick so you don’t have to go but... you have to get that education ya know?

sophomore bestie jisung picks you up and can see that you’re about five minutes from bawling

he just pats your back and says: “get it together, y/n. it won’t be that bad. I can’t believe I’m a year younger than you and telling you this right now.”

“okay okay, thanks jisungie.” you focus on your breathing during the ride and eventually, you calm down thanks to your friend’s words

“no prob,” he mumbles under his breath and hands you the aux cord “wanna play something to cheer yourself up?”

you excitedly nod and plug the cord into your phone, jamming out on your way there

you guys arrive and when you walk in you meet up with your besties!! aka the dream team as you guys called yourselves

your friend group consisted of ballet dancer and artist huang renjun, soccer player lee donghyuck, ice skater park jisung, boxer lee jeno, and pianist zhong chenle

your conversation is filled with laughter as you guys walk each other to your classes and luckily, you, renjun, and donghyuck are all on the same hall for homeroom

they speedily walk you in your homeroom and you go to wave bye to them but they’re already gone

...such good friends (;¬_¬)

you scan the room for empty seats and see two right next to each other on the far left, middle row and you make your way towards them

you sit down in the desk closest to the window and rest your head on your palm, waiting for the bell to ring

you almost doze off until you hear an angelic voice from beside you “excuse me?”

you flinch to the max and turn your head to the right to see a smiley boy standing to the desk beside you

“y-yes?” you stutter out and you mentally slap yourself in the face

his grin grows wider at your bewildered state and you feel your eyes go wide in embarrassment

“is this seat taken?”

you shake your head side to side, not willing to talk anymore after reacting like a fool

he takes no time to put his bookbag beside his now desk and situating himself in his seat before resting his head on his palm like you were once before; staring at your face like he’ll never get tired of it

“what’s your name?” he softly questions you

he can see the blush on your cheeks and how you’re quietly jumping your leg up and down, but he doesn’t pay too much attention to it as you catch his attention once again by moving your hair out of your face

“my name’s y/f/l/n. what’s yours?”

“I’m na jaemin. it’s nice to meet you.” he emphasizes ‘you’ in his second sentence and outstretches his hand towards you

“likewise.” you glance at his hand nervously before taking it in yours, giving it a firm shake

you two retract hands and you visibly cringe about how clammy yours was

while jaemin’s were... soft, warm, safe

his chuckle rings in your ear and you peer up at him “what?”

“your hands are very clammy.”

this was your face right now: (๑･▱･๑)

you dearly wished for one of your friends to save you from this class TT

jaemin didn’t sense your dilemma and kept on driving you mad instead: “are you nervous?”

“yeah... even though I’m a junior the first day never fails to give me jitters.”

his ears seemed to perk up when he heard the word junior “oh? you’re a junior as well?”

“yes I am... wait a second...” you take a good look at his face before continuing “were you in my sociology class last year?”

“I was!! I sat all the way in the back. you?”

you wrack your brain and you can see him in your mind... sitting in the back, occasionally talking to the person beside him... always asking the teacher questions

wow, this was unexpected

“I sat in the very front. woah, that’s crazy.”

the bell had finally rung for the class to start, and he gestured for you to come closer and whispered: “I thought you looked familiar when I walked in. all the more to get to know you, right?”

you had a hard time paying attention to the teacher after that interaction

after homeroom, you may have bolted out of that classroom as fast as you could, not hearing jaemin suggesting to walk you to your next class

you clashed into renjun and he could just see your expression and wondered... what happened??

you started rambling incoherent things and he just looked at you like you lost your mind... he decides that this isn’t the best place to discuss things and wraps his arm around your shoulder before pulling you along somewhere else

meanwhile, jaemin just watches all this by his locker, unknown to you and renjun

you only have enough time to mention to renjun that a boy sat beside you in your class before you have to head to your next class but he looks... kind of angry? more like peeved

he looks like he’s ready to fight jaemin tbh

renjun was pretty protective of you and the rest of the dream team... so if anyone was causing you trouble he’d be right beside you, ready to deck them out

time skip to lunch!! finally, you get to see all your friends (^-^*)/

except, you have an additional person seated at your regular table and that person is... you guessed it! na jaemin

you quietly grumbled as you plopped down between jisung and renjun

they give you a concerned glance and jisung opts to ruffle your hair to try to make you feel better

it’s not like you disliked jaemin or anything it’s just... this morning he made your heart kind of... explode... it’s not like you have a crush on him or anything... you barely even know the guy

“y/n! my new friend! how’s your classes?” jaemin removes you from your moping, you glance up at him with a fry sticking out of your mouth

you hear jisung chuckle and you gently slap his shoulder

“they’re good. except, I don’t have any of my besties in them.” you pout as you look at your friends at the table

jaemin mimics you, and you hear renjun cough from your right side

“are you okay? I’ll grab you some more napkins.” jaemin leaves the table and renjun looks at you pointedly

“...is that the guy that sat beside you in your homeroom?”

“yeah.” you answer back before picking up another fry and tossing it in your mouth

“oh, I invited him to our table because he’s in my history class.” jeno speaks up from beside jisung “is that okay?”

“n-”

“yeah! it’s fine!” you squeak out, interrupting renjun who just grumbled beside you. you rested your hand on his head before ruffling his hair like crazy, him swatting at your arm in an attempt to make you stop

the rest of the day went by in a blur, and as the week went by, you learned more and more about your deskmate, jaemin

the two of you would text every day, sharing things you found hilarious, talking about your days, and gossiping

renjun was protective as always, but after a while, he got used to jaemin and his front slowly faded

he quickly became part of your friend group and to be honest, it felt like he was always meant to be there, you know?

if you had met him sooner, you would’ve totally introduced him to the guys earlier

the two of you would sometimes abandon the rest of the dream team to go on your own adventures, which consisted of going shopping, watching the stars, stuffing your faces, and/or hanging out each other’s houses

...and yes, sometimes you would give in to letting jaemin cuddle you because he begged you so much, although you weren’t a really touchy person to begin with

your hangouts with him were all careless fun until renjun pointed out to you one day ―

“I think jaemin has a crush on you.”

your brain immediately went on lockdown when those words slipped out of his mouth

“injunnie, that’s not possible. we’re just good friends.”

“friends who hang out 24/7 and can’t seem to get enough of each other?”

you roll your eyes at him. “as if. he probably sees me as his little sister or something.”

he lightly slaps the back of your head. “do you know how ridiculous you sound right now? don’t act like you don’t see the stars in his eyes when he gazes at you.”

“injunnie, don’t rope me into your romantic fantasies.”

“just see for yourself, then.”

after that convo with injun, you couldn’t stop thinking about what he said... no, no. jaemin looked at you like any other friend, not in a gushy, special way

jaemin was already a touchy person as he is, but when he was around you, he seemed to get even clingier

obviously it was something you would have to get used to, but whenever he touched you, you could feel a warmness spread throughout your stomach

....y/n, no. you don’t like jaemin. you would say to yourself

but as the weeks passed by, you found it hard to believe that you don’t like him romantically

“y/n! y/n! how about this movie?” jaemin snapped you out of your thoughts as he hung out at your house one day after school

you took a quick glance at his phone before mumbling “sure.”

you could hear him huff beside you and you glanced at him to see a pout playing on his lips

“what’s wrong?”

“I just feel like you haven’t been interested in anything I’ve been saying today...”

you feel your heartache as he peers at you, trying to search your eyes for a hint on how you feel. “that isn’t true, jaem, I―”

“no, it is true, y/n. something’s been bothering you recently, something big.”

you just stayed silent, proving jaemin right. you look down at the bed underneath you, not wanting to look into said boy’s eyes beside you because if you did, your heart would be gone for good

the two of you stay like this for a while, him gently playing with your hair when you finally decide to speak up. “jaem, I―” you glance at him and he nods before you continue “I think I have a crush on someone..”

he just hums at your confession and you turn to look at him, but his smile is sweet as ever as he looks off into the distance, pondering

you take his silence to explain more in-depth. “I’ve only been best friends with him for a month or two, however, he’s extremely important to me. he’s shown me many new experiences, and at this rate, I would say that my feelings for him undermine the word crush. it’s love, jaem, and I don’t know what to do with these feelings anymore.”

“are you comfortable enough with them to confess your feelings?”

“...I don’t know... I feel like I just did.”

to your surprise, jaemin’s face turns bright red. “a-are you saying that I’m the person you love?”

“yes, jaemin. I’m in love with you.”

you hide your face with your hands and you can hear him moving beside you, which tempts you to peak out from your fingers

he has a heartwarming smile on his face as he opens his arms

you inch closer to him and he gives you a bear hug, holding so tight onto you that you can hear his pounding heartbeat against his chest

“I’m in love with you too, y/n. I’ve been since the first day of junior year.”

you feel your cheeks grow hot as you nuzzle your head into his shoulder

so after this, it’s safe to say that jaemin never fails to give you a heart attack every time he touches you or whispers something sweet into your ear

the next day at school, he drives you to school and you guys walk in, your fingers interlaced as the rest of the dream team look at you two like you’ve grown another head

“what did I say, y/n?” renjun asks with a big smirk on his face and you roll your eyes before a smile reaches your face

“wait, what did he say?” jaemin whispers beside you

“ahem, more importantly, if you ever hurt y/n, you’re going to get messed up real bad by the rest of us, got it?” renjun announces and the others nod their heads in agreement

“also, if you ever make her uncomfortable with your touchiness, just know that we’ll be banging on your door.” jeno states and the others hum along with him

“I understand. and besides, I’m pretty sure y/n is used to my clinginess by now, right, y/n?”

he squeezes your hand and you feel your veins fill with excitement at his touch

you giggle before squeezing his hand back. “right.”

#requested #nct dream imagines #nct dream #nct #nct jaemin #na jaemin #jaemin #jaemin imagines #jaemin scenarios #jaemin blurb #jaemin fluff #nct imagines #nct scenarios #nct fluff #nct dream fluff

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we-are-the-rebellion · 4 years

Text

Everything Is Gonna Be Fine - File 003

Date: 3/5/215

Incoming signal: Hello? Hello? Can anyone hear me? Is there anyone in the wasteland listening to me? Fuck, this is hopeless... We don’t even know if people are alive out there, we’ve never left the region because of the horror stories we’ve heard. CeeCee are you sure? ...Yeah, right. Ahem! I’m Nate, I’m from the Eastern OQ region, and for the last ten years I’ve been fighting in, well to put it lightly, a pretty nasty civil war. The group I was with has been mostly killed or captured and our leader is missing, presumed dead. Please, if someone is out there and can hear this, we need supplies. Wait what’s- Shit! CeeCee get down they found-

Outgoing message: Nous vous entendons. Sur routre chemin.

__________________________

Date: 28/4/215

Location: Wasteland

Kenji had been out in the wasteland for three weeks now. After he had finished reading that repulsive public broadcast, he had stolen some gear and had gone over the wall. It was... Scary. He hated admitting it, he thought it made him look like a child watching a spooky film. But what else was he supposed to feel in that moment? He had grown up with stories about the radioactive monsters that lived in the wasteland beyond the wall. When someone died of The Sickness, their body was thrown over the wall so as not to contaminate anywhere else. That was what the wasteland had always been; radiation, horror stories and disease. That was the only reason he had never run, never jumped the wall and escaped the horrors of living as one of Toronto’s lower class citizens. When Jesse had appeared from the west, it marked something new, something interesting. Jesse was proof you could be in the wasteland and survive. Now obviously, Jesse had had state of the art anti-rad equipment and survival gear, and he had been driven or flown most of the way, only having to walk for the last 400 or so kilometres. But still. “Only 400 kilometres” was still 400 kilometres, it was only small compared to the 4000+ kilometre journey from the Yukon-BC Region to the Ontario-Quebec Region.

Kenji was not a survival expert like Jesse, and he didn’t have state of the art anything, (popular to contrary belief, having a state of the art “resting bitch face” didn’t count) but he wanted to try. After all, he couldn’t stay in OQ. The rich hated him for being the rebel leader, and the poor would no doubt turn on him now that the rebellion was effectively crushed and the elites would start cracking the proverbial whip on their literal asses. Where could he go but the wasteland?

It was frustrating, to say the least. Kenji had always prided himself on his perceptiveness and spacial awareness. He recognized landmarks better than anyone he knew, and he could navigate the streets of every city in the region with ease. He had even memorized the streets of the ruins of old Toronto, back when it was nearer to the lakes, and that area hadn't been inhabitable since the end of the war. But out here in the wasteland, everything was new, and the goggles he had to wear to protect his eyes were so broken and filthy that he could barely see. He assumed that he had just been wandering in circles for weeks, and honestly wanted to keep it that way until he could get better gear. The unfortunate truth, however, was that might never happen. He was stuck out here.

__________________________

Date: 1/5/215

Location: Wasteland

As Kenji started to come around, he could hear voices. He closed his eyes and groaned in pain, covering his eyes with his hand. Fuck, he was in so much pain. His head...

"Where am I..." he muttered. The voices around him got closer.

"Tu te réveilles maintenant?" one asked. Kenji blinked, trying to focus on something in his surroundings.

"My head..." he moaned, turning over. The voice sighed and turned away to babble to its companions.

"Il ne parle pas français. Non." Wait... Were they speaking French? Fuck... Of all the places to end up, of course it was here.

The French person snapped their fingers at him, making him focus back up at them. They had long, dark brown hair and thin, distinguished features. They seemed female, but also just androgynous enough to make him unsure. He had also been told that he shouldn’t assume these types of things.

“Me comprenez-vous? Comprenez-vous ce que je dis?” they asked him. Kenji knew just enough about the French language from Lewis that he almost understood what the person was saying. Almost.

“No. Fuck off.” he spat. The person seemed to understand that phrase, and they roughly pulled him to his feet. He stumbled, a wave of nausea passing over him. Life his head was killing him.

“Parler.” they snapped, jerking him forwards. Kenji snarled defensively. He knew talking to them was going to be useless, so he didn’t bother. Instead, he did the only other logical thing; Muster up all his remaining strength and punch the person in the face.

__________________________

Kenji was thrown out, but thankfully they didn’t knock him out again. He remembered what was going on now. He had been looking for food, shelter, etc, and had briefly taken off his goggles. He had found a shielded area in the ruins of some old house, safe from the wind. He assumed he would be safe here from the wind blowing anything into his face. As he was crouched behind the wall, cleaning his goggles, someone had come up behind him and ambushed him. Typical. Of course he would find the only shred of remaining human life out here and they would be hostile. He couldn’t blame them, really. It was just annoying.

What was even more annoying was the fact that he was currently tied to the trunk of a very large tree, unable to move and incapable of fending for himself. His head gear was still off, seeing as his francophone captors hadn’t been kind enough to bring his goggles with them when they tried to crack his head open. He was, figuratively speaking, completely fucked.

Footsteps sounded from somewhere nearby. Kenji groaned.

“Back for round two, assholes?” he snapped. “Or are you some huge, lumbering, mutant beast come to eat me and use my ribs as toothpicks? Either way, bon apetite you piece of shit, waste of space, rancid, ugly, motherfucking-”

“Kenji?”

That took him off guard. That was Lewis’ voice, wasn’t it? The radiation had gotten to his brain, he was sure of it.

“No, it’s Carson fucking Pryce.” he muttered sarcastically. “Just kill me already, put me out of my misery.”

The thing making the footsteps came around the corner and into Kenji’s field of view.

“Holy shit! Kenji! You cantankerous old bitch, what the fuck are you doing out here?” Lewis exclaimed, rushing over to free him of his bonds.

“Getting the best blowjob of my life. What does it look like?” Lewis stopped.

“I didn’t think it was physically possible for your personality to get worse. You are full of surprises.” he muttered.

Kenji was positive he was hallucinating, either due to the concussion the French fuckers had undoubtedly given him or the radiation, and so he wasn’t taking anything seriously.

“I doubt that I could surprise you.” he said snarkily as Lewis tugged at the ropes tying him to the tree. Lewis squinted.

“Sure.” he muttered, finally undoing the knots and setting him free. Kenji didn’t stand up. “Hey, you gonna get up?”

“This is a hallucination, I can’t go anywhere.” Lewis groaned and put his face in his hands.

“Oh so you’re stupid now? That’s it you’re stupid now? Fuck me.” Kenji scrunched up his face indignantly.

“Prove me wrong.” he snapped.

Lewis exhaled sharply and kicked the older man in the shin.

“Ow!”

“There’s your proof, you belligerent geriatric.” Kenji grunted and begrudgingly accepted that he was stuck in a radioactive French wasteland with the most obnoxious child in the world. Life, he wished it was a hallucination. He stood up.

“How are you not dead?” he questioned skeptically.

“I am dead. I’m a spooky ghost here to haunt you for your sins. Ooooh.” the young boy responded sarcastically, waving his hands in front of his face. Kenji elbowed him in the shoulder sharply.

“I’m serious. You were in one of the explosions on the west side, nobody else survived. We took out a fucking city block, for world’s sake, people don’t just come out of that a-fucking-okay.” he pressed the younger individual. He hesitated. Did he really want to tell the next part? “I... Nate blamed me, he refused to talk to me for months.”

Lewis’ expression changed, becoming remorseful and tired.

“I’m sorry, but I couldn’t come back. The soldiers tossed me over the wall with all the other bodies, I was more dead than alive honestly. But somehow I didn’t die, and some wastelanders picked me up. I’ve been too injured to go anywhere, I only recently got strong enough to walk around.” he said with a sigh, rubbing his forehead. “What happened to you to get you tossed out?” Kenji’s stomach twisted.

“None of your damn business.” he hissed, starting to walk away.

“Hey! You can’t just walk away from this!” Lewis shouted after him. Kenji ignored him. He needed to go back to that abandoned house and find his gear. “So what, you’re gonna abandon your friends? Let them fight for you while you sulk and pity yourself from the safety of-”

“They aren’t my fucking friends anymore and there won’t be any fighting!” Kenji shouted, whipping his head around to face him. “You want to know why I’m here? I fucked up. I fucked up our chance to finally beat the elite bastards once and for all and I jumped the wall so I wouldn’t have to face what I did.”

Lewis was shocked for a few moments before his face darkened in anger.

“You’re a coward!” he snapped. Kenji laughed, turning away once more.

“I know.”

__________________________

tag list: @thereasontherumisgone @germanmetal

//author’s note: I do not speak french! sometimes I forget what “bonjour” means. I am so sorry if these halfassed translations suck, I tried to stick to simple phrases that would be easy to translate but I don’t know how accurate they are. I’ll try to not write for the french characters too much.

#everything is gonna be fine #dystopian world #original world #Original story #original content #dystopia #dystopian #mike shinoda fine #rebellion #ocs #canada #mike shinoda #kenji hirayama #lewis spiorad

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yoyoplisetsky · 7 years

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I was sick for like half of this week which probably explains why this list is so long? Unfortunately didn’t write much, bc a lot of what i’m doing is behind the scenes stuff with no visible results rn (working on my shitbang fic, working on a few things that I haven’t finished yet). However, I read like 20+ super amazing fics??? As always, pls rec me any you’ve written/enjoyed, because I want to read them so much!!

What I Read This Week (7/9-7/16)

I Don’t Know ‘Bout Me but I Know About You - ouroboros - @ouroborosbites - Set at the GPF a year-ish pre-canon. JJ, having a sexuality crisis, propositions Victor, who, having not found his direction through Yuuri yet, is enough of a mess to accept. (My review: JJ/Viktor? And I enjoyed it? No, seriously, surprisingly good!!)

Let Me Sail Across the Sea for there is Never One Who Loved You More Than Me - tothebatcave53 - @tothebatcave53 - Victor has always loved the ocean, he is drawn to it's beauty and it's power. He sets out, a simple day in a simple boat with a simple desire to just exist in peace out in the ocean. When Victor wakes it is to the turmoil of the waves, desperate to sink him and his tiny boat into it's murky depths. It is only the most beautiful hallucination that keeps Victor sane in what he assumes are his last moments. (My review: AHHHH guys i always need mermaid aus i’m fricken screaming this one is so a+ everyone read it)

i’m someone you maybe might love - xylophones - @xyloophones - Viktor sighs. “It’s nothing. It’s just––you never look at me like this.” / “How am I looking at you?” / “Like I’m someone special. Like I’m someone you might love.” / Yuuri frowns. “You are someone I love.” / Viktor shakes his head and laughs, just on this side of bitter. “Not like that, Yuuri.” / (Or: Viktor is not as observant as he thinks he is.) (My review: this is a super precious high school au that i would suggest to everyone because it’s so many amazing tropes wrapped up in one fic)

come with me and escape - La_Temperanza - @teekettle - Viktor meets a hypnotizing stranger dancing in the club and, well, things just naturally progress from there. (My review: hooooo boy nsfw viktuuri week is a Treat. yes. i love this. this is a good trope)

For Your Eyes Only - opalish - tumblr unknown (pls tell me if you know?) - Yuuri once told Victor that Phichit was the only foreign skater he considered a friend. Yuuri lied. He's been Seung-gil's dirty little secret for well over a year. (My review: O H MY GOD so that art of seunggil and yuuri being friends is one of my favorites so i’m ??? so glad someone acted on it)

black box (Ch. 1) - SKnight - @sephknight - The entire world is thrown into madness when all the best actors team up for a new TV show about... skating? Doesn't matter, all the fans know is that this means roughly 273.15% more ice cube jokes, the potential resurrection of some dead memes, and 9999% more Victuuri to scream about and die from. The fans have been thirsty for more Katsuki-Nikiforov co-starred content since 2011, and this oncoming show about ice could just be the thing to quench that thirst. ...Oh god, the bad jokes are already starting. (My review: look we all know i have a Thing for fics with fake social media and this one is ALL fake social media so i’m pumped to see more)

third time lucky - katsukiy - @yuriplisetsk - This year, for Tanabata, Viktor decided to wish for something a little different. (My review: not even double but Triple yuuri!!! oh god we all know here that i have a Thing for multiples, but this is so good)

Dinner For Two - Yuripaws - @yuripaws - Viktor dreams of two delicious bowls of katsudon only to find that he isn't invited to dinner. But he is invited to the show. (My review: MORE. DOUBLE. YUURI. guys i’ll never be sick of this trope and this one is so a+ with our desperate viktor mmm yes)

love’s not a competition (but i’m winning) (Ch. 1) - LittleLostStar, spookyfoot - @iwritevictuuri, @katsukiyuuristrophyhusband - Victor Nikiforov is the leader of the best burlesque revue in the city, and well on his way to achieving his dream goal of a Upper-Level Lesser Kardashian-level stardom, complete with his own reality TV show. So when rival burlesque dancer Yuuri Katsuki scoops Victor's theme night and refuses to back down (or fire those hips that will not quit), it doesn't take long before war is declared—a tense and glittery battle featuring anarchic stagehands, orange light gels, fake eyelashes...and some occasional hate-sex that may not be hate-sex at all. (My review: give me more glitter or give me death! you can expect nothing else from spooky and star than just the absolute best and that’s this.)

Here Comes The Sun - henrywinter (bakkhant) - @bakkhanalia - Written for YOI Catfish Prompt Party 2017, for the prompt ‘apocalypse au with it being their last day on earth!’. This...probably isn't what you wanted. (My review: ahh such a cool au!! i love the take on the prompt they had and it was so well written :))

Partner, Let Me Upgrade You (Series - Parts 1-4, Ch. 1-6 (Part 1), Ch. 1-2 (Part 3) - cuttlemefish - @cuttlemefishwrites - Z’s Popstar AU (My review: z, i was going to rec all of these individually but then my rec list would hvae gone on for like 50 years. but asfkl; i finally got around to reading it and i’m dying for my Extra sons)

Baby, I’m Preying on You Tonight (Ch. 8) - cuttlemefish - @cuttlemefishwrites - Yuuri and Phichit registered and named the pet shop when they were drunk. They didn’t exactly expect it to become the most popular pet shop in Seattle. (It was only supposed to be a front to fund Phichit’s (undercover) animal rescue missions.) Enter Viktor Nikiforov, the man with the pink Cadillac and the giant brown poodle (that's stolen Yuuri's heart), and Yuuri might have lost his mind, because apparently he keeps flirting with a client – and he never even notices. (My review: the jjs will never cease to slay me. viktor and chris especially cute in this chapter)

patellofemoral pain syndrome (Ch. 3) - seventhstar - @pencilwalla - It’s just…does Viktor not get bored with doing it the same way every night? Doesn’t he want to spice things up? Is Yuuri being unreasonable? He’s pretty sure that if Viktor told him his performance in bed was unsatisfying his soul would flee his body for a more merciful plane of existence, but…Viktor is thicker-skinned than he is. And so here they are. Viktor’s bed is wide and soft, and Yuuri is lying there with wet hair and ratty boxers while Viktor absently trails kisses over his shoulder. It’s nice. It’s soft. It’s good. Viktor’s headboard is enormous and Yuuri keeps thinking about Viktor’s wrists bound to it, black rope over white skin. Fuck. He should say something. (My review: mmm arthritis porn except nuri didn’t give me porn this chapter)

conjecture - seventhstar - @pencilwalla - The first is that he and his new husband are now alone, and will continue to be alone until they reach Yu-topia. Yuuri has never been gregarious, and finds it difficult to make prolonged conversation with strangers at parties; he dreads having to speak to Viktor for so many hours. If his aunt’s description of him is accurate, the only thing they have in common is a love for money, and that is hardly wedding night conversation. The second is that when Yuuri finally looks at Viktor, rather than looking anywhere but directly at him as he has been, he realizes that Viktor is… (My review: have i mentioned that i love this series? i have, but.... it’s just,,, so good.)

By Anointment Only - La_Temperanza - @teekettle - He starts with the feet.It makes the most sense. After all, a figure skater’s greatest commodity is often their feet, taking the brunt of the damage required to hone their craft. He knows whatever tender loving care he gives now isn't enough to erase years of self-inflicted abuse, not in a single session. But it doesn't mean he's not going to at least try.So, Viktor starts with the feet. But the thing is, he rarely gets much further than that. (My review: FOOT FETISH i hate feet and this story was still a+)

The Katsulanont Guide to Surviving College (Rice Cooker Required) - xylophones - @xyloophones - It’s Phichit’s fault. It’s always Phichit’s fault. (Or: A friendship told through three hamsters, a rice cooker, and the resurrected trade-and-barter system.) (My review: i think i laughed like 3/4 of this story it’s just,,, so in character for them and ridiculous)

Colored Pencils and Markers - RainyTea - @rainyteawrites - Viktor finds Yuuri’s poster collection, but there’s another surprise in there too. (My review: yuuri’s poster collection with a twist ;) ;) loved it)

Wanted: Skating Lessons - slightlied - @forovnix - Wanted: Skating Lessons / Hi. I am Victor and I need to learn how to skate before Saturday. My parents have been paying for me to get skating lessons every week for the last fifteen years but I never actually attended any of the lessons and I spent the money on marble busts instead. Now they want me to perform to ‘Stammi Vicino’ at their wedding anniversary on Saturday. / If you can teach me, be here at Ice Castle tomorrow at 7:27am with an extra pair of skates. I am a fast learner (well, at least my dog Makkachin is–it took me only two weeks to teach him how to roll over) so I am pretty sure I will pick it up quickly. In return, I can teach you how to say some pick-up lines in Russian or tell you some facts about my love life. Whichever you prefer. Not both, though. / Yours sincerely, / Victor / PS. I’m a size 8 --- Or, Yuuri answers an ad he sees on Ice Castle's community board. (My review: THIS WAS PRECIOUS asdfjkl i loved it so much and i know it’s been around for a while but i just found it and like,,, i’m glad i did)

Meet Your Idol! - RoseusJaeger - @roseus-jaeger - Ryuugazaki Rei has been a fan of Katsuki Yuuri since he was in grade school, admiring his beauty and grace on the ice. It's Katsuki's last season on the ice before his marriage to Victor Nikiforov and Rei would do anything for an autograph before his official retirement... or at least he thought until his boyfriend, Nagisa Hazuki, actually plots to get him an autograph at the NHK Cup. (My review: what you probably sort of know about me is that i love free! so this was a great read and roseus did so well with all of the character and i loved it)

(Let’s Get Married) At First Sight - cuttlemefish - @cuttlemefishwrites - Yuuri is just your average medical resident trying to survive an emergency room rotation at a large, city hospital, when a perfectly gorgeous stranger interrupts his after-work coffee break with the assumption that Yuuri is his blind date. What’s Yuuri to do? – Pretend he’s definitely on a blind date, too! Or, the "I know you're on a blind date and I'm not the right guy, but it's been a while and now I don't know how to tell you that you sat at the wrong table. Call me?" AU. (My review: this is so super precious asfdsljlk i love that yuuri just went for it instead of correcting him)

He Just Up and Ran Away (So I’m Never Going Back) (Ch. 1-2) - cuttlemefish - @cuttlemefishwrites - The back of the silver card reads Fantasies by Lilia, and Viktor lets his thumb brush over it with intense scrutiny. The name on the front winks at him with the glint of danger: Alex. “Oh, Yuuri, are you cheating on me?” Viktor whispers to himself, crumbling on the bed with the onslaught of a panic attack. Yuuri is Viktor’s everything; the first boyfriend he’s had in almost a decade, after years spent too busy lost between circuitry and code. But then he notices that there’s a stack of similar looking cards that read Celeste, Adrian, Robert, Michael, and Yuuri. All of them read Fantasies by Lilia. Or, welcome to the story in which Viktor discovers his boyfriend Yuuri is a high-class escort who takes on different identities and lives for different clients, including Viktor, who thought he was saving a stripper by putting a ring on his finger. (My review: i hvae read like maybe 1 escort au in this fandom bc i’m always very,,, eh about it but i’ll try anything z does nad it’s??? so good)

Katsuki’s Pet Needs (Ch. 1) - nerdlife4eva - @n3rdlif343va - Yuuri Katsuki owns a small pet store in a little town on the coast. He loves running his own business, and especially loves Sundays when his best friend, Phichit, runs adoption events for his animal rescue organization in his store. Victor Nikiforov has always wanted a dog, excitedly attending the scheduled pet adoption hoping to find his first furever friend. Another universe where these two find each other, this time with a little help from the brown fluff of Makkachin herself. (My review: THIS IS VERY PRECIOUS. if you want shameless fluff, read this!!)

Hunter of Eros (Ch. 4-5) - LalodyBear - @lalody - Lord Eros is perhaps the oldest of all living vampires and a legend among hunters. For thousands of years no-one has been able to slay him and stop his evil reign. Victor Nikiforov is the greatest hunter to have ever lived. ~ After seemingly endless sightings of newborn vampires appearing across Japan, Yakov's hunters are sent to put a stop to it. During a hunt, Victor Nikiforov has his first ever innocent witness to a slaying - Yuuri Katsuki, an utterly adorable local. After being cornered into staying with the group of Russian hunters, Yuuri just prays Victor doesn't find out his secret and slay him in his sleep. (My review: ahh it’s been so long since this updated, and i’m so glad i’m patient because i love this au so much. i don’t even care it took so long like ?? take that long always if you’re gonna give me quality content like that (which i’m sure you will))

What I Wrote This Week (7/9-7/16) (nothing on ao3, only tumblr this week)

the latin fic (I’m a shameless classics major)

the headcanon posts (Cary’s excuse to write crack fics while disguising them as headcanons)

the gum fic (#MoreExtraThanExtra)

#yoi fic rec #yoi fic #yuri on ice #fic rec #thishasbeencary #my fic

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poppunkdee · 5 years

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3-5, 28-30, 35-40

whoa okay everyone sorry for the long post someone decided to give me a million in one ask.

3. okay so this person idk what to even say about them anymore I hardly know who or what they are like now but I guess ill talk about them when I was irrationally in love with them. They had a way to make me feel at home no matter how far from home I was. That person was super smart (to me) they had a charisma that allowed them to creep into your life and later your heart, and had you liking them even if at first you thought they were just another fake person trying super hard to be “cool” they had a way to get under your skin, to make you laugh until you’re crying and hold your attention in a way that you never really thought they might be able to. Honestly this person made me feel so many things and not all of them were good, in fact looking back now I realized that I excused so much shitty behavior towards me because of a fancy dinner, or a cute poem, or a dozen roses. God i was so in love with them and its sad really how now its just a faded memory of a person who never apologized for the hell they put me through.

4. the thing I regret most so far is not going to the ivy league school I was accepted into bc it meant I would be far from the person mentioned above.

5. Oh fuck. Honestly I have not had any like “amazing” birthdays. My most memorable birthdays are seared into my memory bc I was either in a funeral home, in a hospital watching my cousin fight cancer, or I myself was in the hospital bc a car almost killed me(yay 24th birthday!) really I have most fun when I celebrate my birthday alone at disneyland, which I do every year although not on my actual birthday bc it seems that on my actual birthday I’m always caught up in some kind of hospital, or receiving bad news.

28. honestly idk if i have any like crazy out there fetishes, like dirty talk and rough sex is cool but like idk if i really have like one odd thing. I mean one of my exes and I got hella drunk one night and decided to do all the shit we had wanted to do and lemmi tell you that was a full weekend of endless orgasms and take out food. It was amazing. I had rope burn on my thighs and was sore for a week after and he had like a million hickies from his neck to his dick.

29. okay turn ons so like these depend on the person im seeing, like for one person their voice as they whisper in my ear might end me while for another the way they bite their lip and run their fingers through their hair might have me thinking of how those fingers might feel on me. so really I don’t have like one singular set of turn ons they just vary depending on the person.

30.OHHH TURN OFFS THO. so these will literally dry me up like the Sahara desert and make me grab my shit and leave kyle’s house. If I say "men are trash” and the guy replies with “well not all men.... “ yeah ya cancelled. okay this one is shallow I know but its there and i really cant get past it, bad dental hygiene. the white ppl who try to have dreadlocks but really they haven’t washed their hair. ANY NON BLACK PERSON SAYING THE N WORD. I can go on really bc I’m super picky with the people I sleep with and i have actually mid thrust have told a guy to stop, got dressed, left and blocked him.

35. Things i wish I could stop doing, okay so like as yall know my anxiety gets the best of me sometimes and I wish I could stop the nail biting. Also I need to stop expecting my body to go back to how it was before my car accident, like my spine is forever hurt and i really have to learn to accept that there are somethings i just cant do anymore and its not my fault there are limitations on my body so i should stop expecting to be able to go back to the gym like i used to, or do all the adventurous activities i used to do, also I wish I could go back to driving like i used to without the PTSD fear running through me every time a big rig is next to me on the freeway.

36, okay so as of rn my guilty pleasure is that I read the twilight books bc my roommates got me into it and like holy shit i went through the whole saga in less than a weekend and I now need to rewatch the movies. honestly thank god for this gay twilight renaissance I’m living. But really tumblr is full of my guilty pleasures so like just scroll through my blog bc its all there, half of this shit is not on any of my public social media,.... or wait actually i think it is, i don’t really hide who i am so like it definitely has affected the way people judge me before they really know me but i know the people that are my friends after seeing the shit i post kinda really like me.

37. Damn okay so this is kinda, ugh, okay so im sure my best friend is tired of me running back to this person but like i like ppl who ruin me i guess. So this person and I started dating after i had gone through like a horrible breakup, AND I got the news that my uterus is like a war zone for new cells(make of that what you will). Anyways here I am five months into a depressive episode i cut off all the people that i had thought were friends but who turned out to abandon me when i needed them the most. so here enters this person with their puppy dog love and gives me wonderful dirty kinky sex along with the hugs, cuddles, after care and takes me to these cool experiences in the city I thought I knew. They support my dreams and help me work towards them, honestly it was a great three months, but this person told me they loved me one night while at a night club and i thought hey youre drunk pls don’t do this and honestly it was mostly cowardliness that drove me to end it bc i didn’t feel the same way and i felt like i didnt deserve this new pure love i was receiving. Anyways we hooked up a bit after we broke up and then they started dating someone else and we just kinda saw other people but would come back to each other after our different flings ended, until they got into like a real relationship with some one else and like I was cool like they deserve it, could have used a heads up but like i keep my space like the respectful person that i am, although lately this person has told me they are not into the person they are with and has been hitting me up and like the part of me that thinks im in love with them is really pushing for me to go for it but also they ARE STILL IN A RELATIONSHIP AND ITS NOT OKAY THAT THEY ARE SENDING ME MESSAGES LIKE THIS!! so anyways i think im more in love with the feeling they brought me those few months we were together bc i was just so fucking depressed and they helped pull me out of the hole i was in. So not really in love with the person but with the feeling i guess.

38. songs that remind me of people. oh god, yall can i just make a spotify playlist and link it later bc theres so many. I have a few songs for like everyone that I know that i can make playlists for individual people so like i’ll just link a playlist when get around to it pls remind me later.

39. OHHHH BOYYY. things i wish i had known earlier. i wish i had known men are trash earlier in life so that i would have been somewhat prepared for the men that caused trauma in my life. I also wish i had known how little time i had with certain people. (people i regret not making more time with) Also wish I had known about the accident that had me in a hospital on my birthday bc a year later im still plagued by nightmares, PTSD, and anxiety on the road. I also wish I had known about my cousin’s accident. GOd if there’s one thing i’ve had to learn the hard way this past year is that we never know when it will be the last time we see our loved ones and that we have GOT to tell them we love them bc we NEVER know when it will be the last time.

40.okay last one, the end of something in my life. I wanna talk about a good ending bc i feel like yall got some insight on bad shit so like good endings i’d say is when i left socal for norcal. I come back literally anytime im homesick but like it was a huge step for me to take to leave, I was given a full scholarship to the wilderness and an apartment thats a ten min walk to the beach. It was definitely hard leaving all my friends and family behind but it was also kind of refreshing to be able to go out on my own to make my own path and do something i love. im back in socal for the summer and although im so happy to be back in the warmth of LA im definitely looking forward to my small apartment that constantly smells like a mix of sea breeze and damp forest.

#Personal #asks #ask me shit #this was really open #remind me to do the spotify playlists #or ill forget

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bootisimo · 7 years

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ok so i dont care if im spamming my personal shit bc this is fucking tumblr & i need to just talk abt things

so im going to talk abt my best friend audrey. i havent had a best friend since around 7th grade (I’m a graduating senior this year) & my overall friend group has been really unstable & changes a lot, so I didn’t realize it at the time, but I haven’t made any deep connections in high school and it’s kinda sucked. Pair that up with me being super insecure because everybody talked about me behind my back in middle school and literally nobody outside of my group of 5 friends could stand to be near me (which I only learned around 2 months ago & it’s fucked me up so much, especiallyl because i was so oblivious & for all i know the same thing could still be happening), so I’ve felt very isolated and alone without realizing it for basically all of my scary developmental years. & then this new girl comes to school, and I meet her a the beginning of senior year! & she’s so wonderful and we click so well and after knowing each other for barely any time i felt so close to her and I was essentially drunk off of finally being close to someone again and she was all i ever thought abt bc i loved spending time with her so much! ((that sounds weird and obsessive but i promise im exaggerating i just kinda accidentally started idolizing her and absorbing her mannerisms bc thats what i always do)) & following my stupid fucked up pattern for people im clsoe to, i was all over her for a few months then i started doing that isolating thing and i convinced myself that her & the rest of my friends barely tolerate me (it didn’t help that this is senior year & shit actually did happen w two of my other close friends so my friend group is shrinking rapidlyl and i dont want to put effort into roping it back together), so I became really unhappy without realizing it bc i repress everything and i literally have so much trouble processing and actually feeling what’s going on around me . thats where my problems with derealization come from, because it crosses the line into literally not being able to say if im awake or in a dream, or if i exist or not, so how the fuck would i be able to know if i was happy or unhappy? im realizing tonight that ive been actually, truly depressed for an indeterminant amount of time, and that really scares me with the whole bipolar issue bc ive figured out that i cant live life without control. i need independence and control over my entire sense of self or i can’t cope, and its super unhealthy but its the only way i know how. and if im bipolar like im starting to believe i might be and like my therapist thinks is a definite possibility, then kind of by definition that means that i don’t have control, over my actions or my moods or my life, especially if it’s bad enought that i need medication. and judging by just how bad things have been recently, right when i start being able to feel my emotions without automatically shutting them down (so I’m feeling them to the full extent that i shielded myself from, in other words), i don’t think i can succeed, or even survive, on my own if this is what my daily life becomes. I’m losing my control right before I’m really going to need it, right before i turn 18 and go to college and actually need to take care of myself, and I’m so anxious about it that I constantly feel like I’m going to vomit, and like there’s a dumbbell sitting both on my chest and at the bottom of my stomach. when I repressed everything, i was always relaxed. i literally could not make myself stress or feel bad about anything, which is super unhealthy, but now it’s like i can’t make myself not be stressed, and i can’t reverse it!! I’ll try to feel like I used to because not feeling is so so so much easier than feeling, but it’s like I’ve forgotten how!!

anyway part of the reason my relationship with audrey is so good and so bad is bc it’s super hard for me to actually talk to her, because I always struggle with guilt because of how easy my life is compared to my friends. feeling like i have things better than anyone makes me feel so guilty that i want to die, which is probably a part of the depressive episodes, so I’ll go through periods where I’ll talked to audrey but i literally wont’ say anything to her bc i feel so guilty about how much she has to deal with, and then it’s like we aren’t even friends anymore and its 100% my fault because I consciously pull away and just think about dying for a week or two and convince myself that i dont need or deserve any friends or anyone to talk about the issues im having with. when i actually do share things with audrey, i lover her even more, because she never makes me feel guilty for having things she doesnt, and she always reminds me to that im trying to be conscious of the differences in our lives, and she always makes me feel so good about myself because that’s the kind of person she is. she’s been through so much more than most people, and I don’t even know a lot of the details about her life. its amazing though not just because she went through it--it always pisses me off as a trans person when people tell me i’m “brave” just for living and transitioning, and i know she would feel the same if i thought she was amazing just bc she’s survived so much. but she’s amazing for how she deals with it, mostly. you can tell she has a lot of problems coping but she still always makes an effort to make people feel included, and to better herself, and to be fucking kind. I’m always so amazed by how kind she is and how little she deserves all the shit that life throws at her, and I dont say that to her bc it’s always uncomfortable when people tell you that, but I’m really starstruck by her. i very often just start thinking about what a genuinely caring, selfless person she is--not like me, who does everything because of the reaction that I anticipate from other people. when she’s kind, you can just tell that it’s because she wants to be kind and doesnt care about the consequences. she is a good person far deeper down than I am and its amazing to see that at work. I’ve actually been standing up for my beliefs and saying something when I think someone’s in the wrong just because I’ve been around her and I’ve seen her do that

but the worst thing is that we met so close to the end of graduation. we just found out we’re all staying in the area next year but with my habit of suddenly dropping people for no reason, I can’t guarantee we’ll stay close, and that makes me so so sad because I genuinely think the more time I spend with audrey, the better a person I become. it’s hard to balance because I also make all my bad decisions with audrey because we fuel each other because w’ere so similar, so that makes it hard to. (haha we’re both geminis after all, and i dont believe in astrology but the idea that two geminis always have short, intense bursts of relationships, so they’re hard to make last, seems super accurate for us, and I’m afraid that tha’ts whats going to happen)

anyway I’m just typing a lot because dear audrey gave me an adderall to take so i could last the night & not die, and it’s more than I normally take, so my focus on this post is so intense, and adderall makes you rambly anyway. it’s good to take a lot every once and a while though because just thinking things through in this focused, controlled but optimistic and basically unbiased outlook that adderall gives you can be super helpful--typing this out has actually been pretty similar to my therapy sessions, except nobody has to ask me questions and prod at what I say to interpret my thoughts. damn i hope i can get a prescription because i feel like this is exactly how people who can actually ge their work done and not drift off constantly feel like, and I feel like now that I know how adderall feels and how homework is actually feasible when I take even a small dose, like half of a 30mg pill, I can’t expect myself to keep fumbling through my academic life once it costs 20k per year, and when I’m not on adderall, I’m always, always fumbling and confused, no matter what I’m doing. I feel like I’m just realizing how much I need it, and the people around me aren’t as surprised because they’ve always seen it, because it’s literally always been there, but they just assumed I was disorganized and spacey, and when I say “I think I have ADHD,” theyre’re jsut like “oh, I never thought of that but now that you’ve said it I absolutely believe that, I can’t believe I didn’t see it before.” It’s inhibited me enough in my life, especially in school, that in my freshman year all of my teachers called my parents in and told them to test me & my sister for ADHD, and the only reason it never happened is because there was a miscommunication and my mom thought the school had screend us for free, when me & emma have never ever seen a doctor about it

things are jsut bad rn bc it’s like i stand on both edges of a really small planet. on one side is the adhd stuff, and the realization that if I get treatment, life could be a lot more possible for me than I ever knew it was possible to me. on the other side is the emotions that I’m not able to repress anymore (maybe it’s the bipolar vs the adhd, maybe not--again, not diagnosed, and definitely not self diagnosing). these emotins that I’m actually starting to be able to process are a lot worse than I ever realized they were, and it’s promising the opposite of the adhd side--that things could get much worse than I ever knew they could get, and that they’re already headed that way.

sorry for making you all scroll past this thing, but it’s been really helpfulto be able to sort my thoughts out like this. I definitely feel like i just prepared myself to make progress in my therapy session on friday, at the very least. maybe things can actually be ok after all

#personal #really fucking personal #also very voluminous personal jfc #i just spent 40min typing this instead of doing math homework #nice

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wolf-skins · 7 years

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evens for that talk abt meme except if they're gross :((

Alrighty!

I’d answer two but I feel like I’ve done that story 10 times and it’s tiring to try to explain it.

4. Talk about the thing you regret most so far.I mean, I have so many so I can’t write a story for this, so I’ll go all emo and say my existence.

6. Talk about the worst birthday you've had.Honestly don’t know. Never did anything big for my birthdays except once, and that was a really fun night. Otherwise all I’ve done mostly is go to the movies.

8. Talk about the thing you are most proud of.When I was like...... 10 or 11, I wrote a 47 chapter book on flying unicorns. It was partially plagiarized from a friend and some of the chapters were a single page long (it was all handwritten tho okay), but it was my first real foray into writing so nice.

10.Talk about the biggest fight you've ever had.lmao okay so there was a ton bc Abuse and a lot of times I didn’t fight back but my proudest moment (and a turning point) was when I fucking took no shit and just didn’t care. Not a big fight at all compared to pretty much all of them but iconic. So my abuser and I had a stupid thing where we both got our own separate boxes of cereal (yes, I know, but he stole everything from me) and this way we’d both have our own thing that no one would steal or eat all of it on the other.

Needless to say, my abuser owned everything, in his opinion, so he was eating a bowl of my cereal, and it just fucking pissed me right the fuck off. I think I said something, and naturally he just probably told me in one way or another to fuck off, so I walked straight up to him and flipped the bowl of cereal on him. It was hilarious. He, of course, responded as always, and came up to me to punch me, but I actually dodged and he only grazed the top right of my head. I was laughing so hard. My mom sent him up to his room and I had to clean up the mess but it was gr8. Fucker. That’s what happens after enough of it, you just aren’t afraid of the fuckery anymore.

I love the revenge, so good, so sweet.

12.Talk about the worst dream you've ever had.Shit I’ve had so many, but this one’s kinda weird but has actually like Scarred me. When I was a really young kid, that ALF (I never watched it but like my dad likes it or something) se/xu/all/y ass/aul/ted me and he just looks fucked and creepy and disturbing and I CAN”T STAND THESIGHT OF THW|AT FUCKING CREEPY PUPPET FUCKIGN THING it’s disturbing ok

14.Talk about a vacation.Once, in Florida, my abuser and I were running around (we reeeeally young, like I had to be.... god idk 8 or younger) trying to catch geckos bc they’re cute and fucking fast as hell. My dad caught us one SOMEHOW and we put it in a jar (no lid) and showed all the old people around (bc we’d stay at my grandparents’ little rented house which was like an Old People Retirement neighbourhood) and then we released it and yeah that was cool. Unfortunately abuser was there and he marrs literally every nice memory I possibly could have lmao.

16.Talk about the best party you've ever been to.lmao I honestly don’t know?? I don’t go to parties really unless like.... small ones or birthday ones or some shit. The few that were house ones or something were always a hot mess.

18.Talk about something that happened in elementary school.I got pantsed falling off the top of a human pyramid. I was always the tiniest one so I always was put up as the “point” and no one kept their balance so I fucking fell and somehow my pants came off and I was mortified.

OOO but we also went to this cool place, Muskoka Woods, and I had a great time hanging out there and doing all that fun shit. I did the Flying Squirrel (but not the Big Swing bc it broke, unfortunately). It’s when everyone grabs one side of a rope and you’re hooked up to like... idk a part of it or something? Idk man but like you’re hooked up by harness to a rope to this contraption thing and a bunch of people pull a rope and you go flying upwards. And since I was tiny I went. It was fun.

20.Talk about something that happened in high school.Did anything good happen in high school? Ah yes, one thing. My friend, Danielle, and I did fuck all in the grade ten science class (and a couple other classes lmao we did so much fuckery together in high school idk how we passed anything). Our science teacher was a bitch and the class was boring bc we didn’t get to do any experiments, it was just notes and textbook questions. So we never did it. Always ran away to Tim Horton’s any time we got together to do the work lmao.

ANYWAYS, so this one time no one’s doing anything. It’s almost end of class, and our lunch was next, so people are standing around. We don’t have any friends in this class, mind you. So we’re ignored. Idk how, but one of us got a piece of chalk. Danielle used it to make a mark on my uniform pants (Catholic school, so uniforms, and our pants were navy blue that day) which meant it wouldn’t rub off. So I made one on hers. And then somehow we just end up wrestling each other for it, and then we full out started tackling one another. Our desk (in this class we had desks that sat two people next to each other) was shoved forward into the desk in front of it, our chairs were fucking back against the wall (we sat in the back bc duh).

And we’re just full out wrestling for this stupid piece of chalk. And no one even really looked our way. Our teacher didn’t glance up at us, which is wild bc she was one of Those teachers, and the other kids just ignored us like always. And we just ended up chasing each other around during lunch and it was so much fun.

Skipping 22.

24.Talk about something someone told you that meant a lot.I’m lucky to have several friends who write me when I ask what’s likable about me and such, and on a few occasions have gotten an essay. But generally any time someone tells me I mean a lot to them (and bonus points when they tell me why), it’s like........ air for me. Can’t live if I’m not worthy to.

26.Talk about things you do when you're sick.Lmao I just got over the flu a couple weeks ago so this is ironic. I usually bundle the fuck up, turn on the fireplace, and wrap myself in blankets, and just sweat it out. One time when my dad and I had reeeeeally bad flus, we spent the entire day with the fireplace on, me in my fleece pjs (which I only wear when sick bc they’re hot), and wrapped in large blankets, and I sweat so much it felt good. Which is the opposite to myself any other time. So I make sure I sweat now as often as I can.

I often watch t.v. or maybe, depending on how I’m doing, game a little. But usually I sleep, whether sporadically (like the time just passed - I slept a few hours, woke for a few, continue) or for hours, and drink lots of ginger ale. And not eat much at all, except sometimes soup. Mhm. Ginger ale feels really nice to drink when sick actually, esp on your throat. We used to get it as kids bc of the ginger in it, but there’s not much to be of any use, so I just drink it when sick now bc it’s cold and the pop’s syrupy enough to coat my throat, which you wouldn’t think but yeah. Also tea is nice.

The next few are meh and I’m tired so I’m not gonna answer any more bc girl you always send a lot. Thank you!

#about me #zetsumei-shuuto #ask

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meanderfall · 7 years

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//tornadoes thru ur window, completely shattering the glass: for the writer meme, 5 - 6 - 8 - 10 - 15 - 21 - 25 - 27 - 28 - 29 - 30 - 34 - 36 - 39 - 45 - 47 - 48 - 49 - aaaand 50: how long do you usually let an idea fester in your mind before you're like, "okay, i'll write you down u little fucker"? ALSO IM AWARE THIS IS A LOT, LMAOOO

LDJF;KFGSKGF ADRI MY LOVE, MY WIFE, MY KNIGHT, MY SUN AND MOON, THANK YOU OMG, I HOPE YOU’RE READY FOR A NOVEL OF AN ANSWER LMAO

5. How much writing do you get done on an average day?

LMAO I ACTUALLY HAVE THIS CALCULATED PER HOUR just bc that’s how long my train ride is. So I can do about 400-500 words in 50~ minutes.anyway tbh, I write almost never, but when I do, I try to get around 1000 words done??? that’s usually when i lose steam too. (though i guess if i did 500 word spurts instead throughout the day, i’d get more done) (TO CLARIFY, the only reason it’s so much is bc i only write when I know /exactly/ what the scene is gonna be and im motivated. if u sat my ass down in front of a computer each day and told me to write, I’d probably only get 100 in two hours, less even.)

6. Single or multiple POV?

I’m a multiple pov hoe. I’ve thought before of writing something in entirely one pov, but tbh i dont think i could do it if the thing is longer that a 2000 word one shot.

8. Oldest WIP

I HAD TO PULL OUT MY USB FOR THIS GODDAMN

Okay so, my oldest wip ever, is an original story I started in, I think, 2011 and wrote throughout the year. It’s got about 22k words down, but tbh i dont think im ever gonna touch it again.fanfic-wise, my oldest wip is a harvest moon fanfic, that’s around 6k words i think? and i was planning on re-writing it bc i didnt like the characterization of one of the characters and i wanted to fix that, but it’s been like five years now, i dont think it’s ever gonna be done. (I still want to though). (and u can find said wip on my fanfiction.net account)

10. Do you set yourself deadlines?

My guy, i’ve never set a deadline for myself in my entire life. I think I tried to do it once, and i completely let it pass by. (Though the fanfic i mentioned previously, im pretty sure i updated once a week before i fucked up)

15. How do you deal with writer’s block?

I either set it aside (and never pick it up again lmao) and let it stew in the back of my mind until I get something else, oR I POWER THROUGH THIS MOTHERFUCKER, and I’ll probably only write 50 words and hate every single last one of them, but I got it done and it’s better than nothing and hopefully tomorrow i’ll actually have something. (also, sometimes when powering through, what i write ends up inspiring me and im like “oh of course!” and i blaze through it)

21. Who is/are your favourite character(s) to write?in case u havent noticed yet, about 99% of all my characters are snarky to some degree. I need a character with a wry sense of humour, and I’ll usually stay in their pov a lot. The only other character “type” I have are the sunshine pure cinnamon rolls who care and love everyone. Oh, and I guess also the ones who are pissed and bitter at the world at large. (I should.... probably... try to get out of this comfort zone...)

25. Favourite part of writing

okay tbh, my favourite part is when I’m winding down from a good writing session, and I just feel so proud and alive, because I was productive and I created something with my own two hands and mind, and there are very few things that are as incredible as that imo

27. Favourite line/scene

okay so this was hard to pick??? not to mention it’s all crap you’ve seen before but whatever.

There’s this one:

“McCreewas abruptly reminded of when he was nothing more than a teen, snarling andfurious at everyone around him, not willing to trust anyone. And he wasreminded of Gabriel Reyes who stayed calm and collected in front of his fury,gently rebuking him when he crossed a line; who praised him when he did welland willingly trusted him to have his back even though McCree didn’t trust him;who seemed to quietly understand why McCree acted in certain ways, accepted it,but encouraged him to choose better. Gabriel Reyes, who had faith in him whenhe wasn’t even sure he liked himself.“

And this one:

“IfWash’s head was a ghost town, then the Meta’s was a fucking wasteland.

Butthe worst part wasn’t the scorched earth and completely lifeless landscape, norwas it the stormy brown clouds above. No, the worst part was the lava that wasslowly inching its way up the mountain. It bubbled and simmered an awful sicklyorange as it creeped up bit by bit, not fast at all, but inexorably to the topof the mountain, going against all laws of physics. It was so awfully wrongthat he honestly felt sick witnessing it. Not helping was the sizzles it madeas it burned through whatever little vegetation there was and (he had no ideawhy he knew this, maybe it was because he was connected to the Meta’s brain?),it felt like the lava was actually gouging the earth, opening cracks andseeping inside, corrupting and destroying what lay within.

Wasthe Meta even a person anymore?”

(I proooobably would’ve picked something from the tuckington au but.... a lot of my favourite stuff is dialogue, or snarky narration, and idk it’s hard to choose and there aint a lot of depth to it)

28. Favourite side character

OKAY THERE’S THIS ONE SIDE CHARACTER IN ONE MY ORIGINAL STORY IDEAS WHOM I ADORE (even though he has no name yet lmao) BUT HE’S BASICALLY REALLY SWEET AND CARING AND HE’S TRYING HIS BEST TO BE HAPPY AND SUPPORTIVE FOR ALL HIS COMPANIONS BC THEY’RE ALL GOING THROUGH HARD TIMES, BUT IT’S REALLY HARD FOR HIM AND HE’S INWARDLY SUFFERING SO MUCH BUT HE KEEPS SMILING FOR PEOPLE ANYWAY AND FLDG;DKHGFKG I LOVE HIM

29. Favourite villain

I’m... cheating for this, I’ve never written a villain ever actually (and tbh what the fuck??? how??? i have so many original story ideas and none of them are villains??? what the fuck (maybe the true villains were the friends we made along the way))

okay so, originally, this character was gonna be the villain alright. She was mean, cruel, snarky, cunning, and manipulative. But as time went on, and I started exploring her character, wondering why she was like this, what her goal is, and I changed and shifted the plot of the story around she... sort of... became the main character. woops.

30. Favourite idea you haven’t started on yet

IM ONLY GONNA USE ORIGINAL STORIES FOR THIS BC HOLY SHIT

Honestly, I’d probably have to go with this idea I had of a living person picking up the scythe of a Grim Reaper and becoming one and having to learn the ropes of the job.

Okay, I lied, it might actually be this detective series idea I had, wherein the main character, a police officer, has to investigate cases that, for the most part, are reminiscent, or re-imagined versions, of Quebec folk tales, and she has to figure out why the fuck this is happening.

34. What was the hardest scene you ever had to write?

FIGHTING AND ACTION SCENES I HATE THEM SO MUCH OH MY GOD THEY TAKE FOREVER AND I ALWAYS FEEL LIKE IM FUCKING THEM UP HORRIBLY I HATE THEM (I could give u a specific example, but i dont want to)

36. Last sentence you wrote

“Shut up.”

(this is actually how chapter 2 of my tuckington high school au ends lmao and there’s nothing to gain from it have fun adri)

39. Weirdest character concept you’ve ever had

OH SHIT I ACTUALLY KNOW THE ANSWER TO THIS QUESTION, okay so the i have no clue where the idea came from, but for some reason i had this idea of a character who’s mental stability or whatever was linked to these bracelets she wore??? but it was more like she became more primal and animalistic the more bracelets were taken off until she lost all sense of identity, and i think it’s because she was being controlled or used by an organization or whatever. This was just a random idea that I had and okay i know it’s dark af, but it’s honestly the weirdest one. (tbh…. im not sure i have one that could be considered weird…)

45. How much world building do you do?

all of it. just. all of it. I need to know clothes, food, architecture, cultural norms, the history of the world, how the fuck people can communicate when there are multiple countries and multiple languages, and this is why absolutely none of my original stuff has ever been written

47. Best way to procrastinate

Day-dreaming scenes and ideas instead of writing them

48. What’s the most self-insert character/scene you’ve ever written?

W O W ADRI U WANNA CALL ME OUT THAT BADLY HUH?

honestly it’s probably that main character/villain i mentioned previously, bc i just gave her all of my self-loathing and she was supposed to sacrifice herself heroically in the end and there was gonna be an entire speech about why she was the right person to do this. (if it makes u feel any better, I’ve modified it so she doesn’t actually die and everyone is like “wtf? NO!”)

also the protagonist in story, i just gave her my depression and general lostness in life. (most... of my characters... start off with a part of me I want to explore, but over time, as I flesh them out, they become their own people, and actually have nothing to do with me anymore tbh)

49. Which character would you most want to be friends with, if they were real?

THAT SWEET CINNAMON ROLL I MENTIONED BEFORE OMG YES, I WOULD PROTECT HIM WITH MY LIFE

50: how long do you usually let an idea fester in your mind before you’re like, “okay, i’ll write you down u little fucker”?

*LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY* OH MAN ADRI U HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU’VE JUST ASKED DO U OMG WAIT UNTIL U HEAR THIS

okay so u know that story with the cinnamon roll and main character/villain? The basic plot of that story has been in my brain since around 2011. I still haven’t started to write it. (though, to be fair, that story has changed so goddamn much since 2012 holy shit, and for the better tbh)

tbh adri, ur like 80% of my impulse control, and by that I mean you make me impulsive enough to actually write things instead of letting them ruminate in my brain forevermore. Hell, I’ve only started to get back into writing fanfiction because of you, okay, if u weren’t around I’d probably just give up on writing ever, and let the idea of being a novelist be nothing more but a fantasy i daydream about.

#aroacedrienne #about

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sassyhottubstrawberry-blog · 6 years

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