#I think about Jensen's answer A LOT

[drulalovescas]

Fan: Why does Dean call Jack half-angel in the last episode but anti-christ and other bad names before?

Jensen: In the beginning, he could only see Lucifer in Jack, now he sees Cas.

I am gonna be sick 😭😭

[mydemonsdrivealimo]

I feel that how Bryce takes care of his car depends on the car itself:

If it’s an old, rusty, cheap one then everything goes in there

But once he’s been an attending surgeon for years and is finally earning enough money to buy himself a shiny new sports car? You bet he’ll take better care of it than himself. In fact, he won’t let people touch it with their bare hands

yeah i can see that!! bryces car is a pos but it gets him from point a to point b decent enough. i also hc that he likes the pretty sports cars but has not a fucking clue how to take care of it mechanics wise (like if anything sounds wrong or a new light on the dash is blinking he shrugs and moves on which drives jensen insane but anyway)

in my hc instead of a sports car he gets a jeep bc,, idk it seems like him but yeah it def stays cleaner and if it gets smudged or there's a hand print on it he Will notice. also bc if he leaves shit in there it will all fly out when he takes the doors/roof off so,,

[itskindnessinfinite]

SINCE WHEN COULD DEMONS BE TRAPPED IN A RING OF SALT

[ohtobeleah]

Was It Over? // Jake Seresin

-> Chapter Eleven: [The Man]

Summary: When Jake and Jensen go head to head over who means what yo you, things escalate to new heights, so much so that Jake lashes out and says something that may not be forgiven.

Warnings: Sick!reader. Breast cancer diagnosis. Jake Seresin x F!reader. Angst, hospital & medical inaccuracies. SLOW BURN ROMANCE/ Inaccurate medical information. Relationship turmoil. Mentions of religion. JEALOUS JAKE!

Word Count: 5.6K

Author Note: This chapter brings the total word count of this series to 50k....I cannot believe that an idea that began as a one-shot has turned into this. Thank you all so much for your support on this one. xxx

Series Masterlist | Main Masterlist

There was a brief moment right before your shower where Jake was able to step out into the hall to call his sister Jasmine. He knew the call he was about to make was going to be neither short, nor pleasant. But he also knew that deep down, you weren’t mentally prepared to tell your children you were sick. But the pair of you had to start somewhere. And that somewhere was Jake’s sister. 

“What the FUCK is going on!” One single ring. One dial. That's how long it took Jake's sister to answer, hell, Jake thought it would have been sooner but he gave her a little good grace for potentially having to step out of whatever family dynamic she found herself in. “Mum said Y/n’s sick?” 

“Did she say it like that?” Jake replied unamused as he found an empty chair to sit on in the waiting room area down the hall. He didn't want to stray too far away from your room. Although he knew that you were with the nurses, he couldn't find it inside himself to leave. If Jake tried hard enough, he could still see your bed socks at the end of your hospital bed. 

“Uh–” Jasmine's apprehensive silence confirmed all Jake needed to know. “She may have said it with a little hope in her chest, mentioned the words dropped and dead in the same sentence of wishful thinking.” Jake couldn’t say he was surprised after the way Janeen had spoken so poorly about you directly to his face. He couldn't really imagine what she’d been saying to other members of the Seresin family. “But what's going on? I'm keeping an eye on the kids as much as I can but holy shit mum's just on a warpath–” 

Fuck: Jake knew leaving the kids behind was a bad idea on his behalf. The guilt of running off on his children in the middle of the night was beginning to eat him alive. The idea of lying to them about your condition only made that guilt harder to rationalise. 

“Okay, can you just promise me you won’t tell the kids?” Jake groaned into the phone. “Y/n doesn't want them to worry so she doesn't want to say too much.” 

“Jake–” Jasmine's voice changed, the serious nature of the conversation at hand was beginning to shine through with ease. “She's alright, isn't she?” Jasmine asked as Jake let his elbows rest on top of his thighs. This whole situation, the newly found world of which you were living in was begging to give Jake the head spins. Keeping up was exhausting, but this wasn't about Jake now was it. “This is Y/n we’re talking about, she has to be alright.”

Unbeknownst to you, Jake had been reading all your files, all your reports, everything and anything he could get his hands on about your diagnosis. After all, he had been named your emergency contact not long after showing up. He’d made a convincing case. Jake knew a lot about your current situation. He knew the odds, chances, risks and possibilities. 

“She's been diagnosed with Stage three A, triple positive grade three invasive doctoral carcinoma.” Jake explained to his sister who on the other end of the call, sat watching his youngest try to eat the sand from the sandpit Jake himself used to shit in as a child. “The oral chemo they had her started on caused a stroke, apparently it's a common side effect, to me they shouldn't be pumping people full of that crap if its gonna cause a fucking stroke forty percent of the time.” 

Jake knew the silence on the other end of the line was due to an overload of information getting caught in his sister's cerebellum. It was a lot to take in, hell Jake still hadn’t really been given an opportunity to take it all in. since he found out he’d been go go go. He knew an impending moment of weakness mixed with overall exhaustion was coming. When that moment would come he wasn't sure. 

“You’re lying–” Was all Jasmine said. Jake wished more than anything he could say he was. 

“Fucked up thing to lie about Jas–” Jake responded softly as he listened to the hustle and bustle of the hospital wing his sat in. “She hadn’t been feeling well for a few months, Doctors say it's aggressive, feeds off her hormones and stuff.” Jake didn't understand a lot of it, but he was trying his best to navigate a field he wasn't an excerpt in. “She's in for a preventative double mastectomy on Christmas Eve. It would've been earlier but the strokes kinda set her back a few days.” 

“Jake– I don't believe you, the kids–what about the kids, what do I tell them?” Jasmine couldn't comprehend the devastation this would cause on the already struggling family dynamic. You and Jake were meant to be, everyone knew that. But this whole separation, the miscommunication and overall fractures within your marriage were all major contributing factors as to why love just couldn’t be enough.

“Don't tell them anything, please, for the love of God Jas don't tell them anything, I just–” Jake let out a sigh of frustration as he ran his hand free hand through his hair. God he needed a haircut. “We just need a little time to process what's going on and Y/n–she's been doing this for too long on her own, I can’t keep letting her down so just, take a moment to breathe for me.” 

“Holy fuck you aren’t kidding about any of this are you?” Jasmine with all her good graces and problematic marital issues of her own, looked over at where her husband sat with hers and Jake's father. The sight was enough to send a shiver down her spine. The man who raised her was not someone who Jasmine ever wanted her brother to become. Losing your wife to such a disease that was as unforgiving as it was inhumane could potentially be an origin story bubbling under the surface of Jake's skin. 

“Jake–You don't get to turn into dad if this ends anything less than Y/n walking away from this cancer free Jake, your kids deserve to have a dad that won't treat them like burdens and mistakes.” 

***~***~***~***~***~***~**

“Watch your step alright?” Our skulls are designed to cushion our brains. Our rib cages are specifically moulded to guard our hearts. The human body is built to protect our most vulnerable parts. At least, that’s how it’s supposed to work. 

The way in which Jake helped to guide you out of the bathroom with his hand pressed firmly against the small of your back made your heart skip a beat. You held tightly onto his forearm with one hand and in the other? Was your IV poll, still pumping you full of antibiotics and fluids. 

“I got it.” You tried to focus on just putting one foot in front of the other. That's what this whole thing was about right? This battle, this fight. It was all about putting one foot in front of the other. With Jake by your side, albeit with some underlying resentment still to be discussed, you felt as though those steps, small but meaningful in their own right, were made with intent and purpose to keep fighting. “Shit the air-con feels so weird on my head.” You chuckled to yourself as Jake shut the bathroom door behind the both of you. 

“Yeah holy shit it's like–” As Jake's eyeline faltered from you to the figure standing over near the door, his heart sunk into his stomach. His face turned to stone as the green in his eyes, usually an emerald colour, darkened to something more pine-like. The half finished sentence that left your husband's mouth and tailed off into complete and utter silence was what got your attention the most. It wasn't like Jake to not say what was on his mind. 

“What's up?” As you turned your head slowly, you saw the man who had been nothing but a pillar of support for you to lean on since your diagnosis. It was the man who had kept you above water when you felt like you’d been drowning in a sea of unprecedented mortality. “Jensen–” The shock and excitement in your tone was something Jake couldn't miss no matter how much he wanted to. “You came?” 

Jake made no attempt to move as you shuffled forward, he stood still with his heart hammering inside his chest. He stood completely still as his thoughts carried him away into a world where nothing made sense to anyone. Into a world where he didn't have you, a world where for the last year he’d tasted of that very misery and hated every last second of it. 

“I uh–” Jensen held out the bouquet of sweet peas, peonies and pansies he’d brought for you. The overwhelming colours and signature scents captivated the entire room with their freshness. “I wanted to stop by, see how you were doing, hope I'm not intruding?” 

The body tends to adapt quickly to new circumstances and pressures it’s put under. It knows how to protect itself. But it can’t close off completely, or well—we’re not really living are we? Biology tends to override our fears, so we leave the door open, just a little…hoping like hell that it's worth the risk. 

“Oh no, no we just finished up some DIY haircuts.” You beamed, the smile that ignited across your face was a smile Jake hadn't seen in years. A smile so pure and full of love that it couldn't ever be faked. “Jake, this is Jensen.” You introduced the two men who had played significant roles in your life, having no clue that they had both already met one another in the hall. “We met at the doctors office, as unfortunate as that sounds, it's been really nice to have someone who just, knows.” Jake slowly but surely aided you over to your bed before he made his way over to where Jensen stood watching idly. Assessing the situation unfolding before him. “Jensen convinced me to go to a few of those CCA meetings, although not my cup of tea–it's nice to know that that support system is there.” 

Jake eyed Jensen and his bouquet of flowers off as he stepped closer and closer with a look Jensen couldn't quite read in his pine green eyes. The betrayal of love often has boundaries that people end up living with for the rest of their lives. For Jake, his betrayal and the consequences of his emotional ineptitude inside his marriage was starting to play out right before his very eyes. 

He saw the potential that there was in fact another man. And oh boy did he hate it. 

“And Jensen, this is Jake, my husband.” Jensen took subtle notice of the way you introduced Jake to him as your husband, not your ex-husband like you'd been referring to him as since the two of you first met. Something had changed, Jensen could sense it. But for as much as Jensen could sense the chemistry between you and Jake, Jake could see the way your eyes lit up with overjoyous surprise when you realised that the flowers Jensen held in his hand were in fact for you. “Are those, are those for me?” 

“Oh–yeah.” Jensen beamed as he walked a little further into your room. “I thought they might bring a little light into your room but it seems that you have it pretty well decorated.” It was the small nod to the Christmas lights that hung around your room that made you smile even brighter as Jake made his way back over and helped you into bed. You could tell there was tension brewing just from his quietness alone. “And the new haircut suits you, good thing you don't have a weird ass head huh?”

“Hey Jarred–” Jake interrupted before you had a chance to reply, the way he intentionally called Jensen by a different name rubbed you the wrong way. The frown that cast itself across your face left little to Jake's imagination, but as he made sure you were as comfortable as could be in your bed, he kept going. “Nows, probably not a good time–” 

Jensen looked around your room carefully, he knew the system well and what times were more common than not for nurses to do their daily rounds and check-ins. He knew that by the looks of things you had just showered and were probably settling in for the afternoon. If Jensen was correct in his assumption as he looked back towards where Jake stood at your bedside, he would assume that he couldn't have picked a better time to drop by. 

“Seems like a pretty good time to me man, besides, why don't we let Y/n here make that call.” Jensen replied calmly as he went about finding a place for your flowers to go. Jensen could have played the safe card, he could have chosen to be the bigger person and not mention it, but he didn't really have a hell of alot to lose. After all, he was a dead man walking. What was the harm in stirring the pot a little where he still could. “Honestly, I didn't expect you to be here if I'm being completely honest.” Jensen smirked as he turned back to face Jake. You felt like your heart was about to explode right through your chest as you looked back and forth between the two men who had seemingly gotten into a mines bigger than yours contest on either side of your bedside. “Didn't think you knew your wife was sick–” 

The silence was deafening as Jake thought about all the ways he could kill a man in one single motion. The rage he felt inside his chest was red hot jealousy. Jensen could practically see the steam spewing out of Jake's years. 

“What my wife decides to share with me has nothing to do with you–” Jake growled, you could just see the way he was grinding his teeth. Jake's jawline had never seemed more profound. His knuckles were almost entirely white as he leaned against the railing of your hospital bed. Lowered down for convenience of getting in and out. 

“It does when I’ve been the one listening to how much she wishes you loved her the same way she loves you.” Jensen shrugged. “Come on man, don't play this game, don't pretend that I don't know what been going on–” 

“Enough!” You couldn't have shouted it slider if you tried. “Both of you, my god we’re all supposed to be adults here?” You sighed as you looked at Jake and then over to Jensen. Something was off with him, this wasn't the Jensen you knew. He seemed off, very off. “Can you two just back up, let's start over.” However, it was a plea that fell on deaf ears.

Remember that impending moment of weakness mixed with overall exhaustion Jake mentioned earlier? Yeah– about that. Guess it was coming around the corner sooner rather than later. 

“Nah–” Jake shook his head as he let out a sigh. This was bullshit, you really had him fooled. He really did think that there was a possibility here that maybe, just maybe, the two of you could fix what he had unintentionally broken while focusing on your health. “Nah, I'm not gonna put up with this dickhead.” Jake hissed as unclenched his hands from the railing on your bed. “I'm gonna go get a coffee, try not to catch each other's cancer cells while I'm gone.” 

“Jake, don't leave!” You begged as you sat up a little straighter in your bed. “Please—“ The panic that followed was something otherworldly as you watched Jake round out of the hospital room that had become your home away from home. “Please!” 

Jensen was if anything, enraged. He hadn’t helped the situation but he never would have left your side after making a remark so thickly lacquered with jealousy. He didn't think Jake would react the way he did, so quick to make assumptions. The small gift Jensen still held in his hand was quickly placed on your bedside table. 

“I’ll go talk to him—“ Jensen pressed his lips together as he let his hand fall gently to your shoulder. “My fault, I shouldn't have said what I did, I'm sorry.” Jensen didn't pretend to not see how upset you truly were. He understood what it was like to feel the weight of the world crushing your spirit. “He didn't mean what he said Y/n.” 

“He did–” You sighed as you wiped away your tears. “He asked me when he came to take the kids to his mum's house if I was seeing anyone–” 

Ah, Jensen thought to himself as he stood by your bedside and listened. 

“He wants to get back together, fix what's broken, change.” You sighed as you looked over to the open door that Jake hadn't long before walked out of. “He probably thinks you're more than a friend.” In another life, perhaps Jensen could have been more than just a good friend. In another universe somewhere he hoped that maybe you never had this unforgiving disease. But this wasn't another reality, this was right now. 

“All the more reason to fight for his girl.” Jensen cooed as he leaned in to kiss the top of your now very smooth head. “I'll go talk to your husband.” 

You caught onto the not so subtle subtlety of the way Jensen teased that title. Husband. Jake Seresin was still very much your husband. He was the very definition of a man who was supposed to be at your side through thick and thin. But right now? You were doubting his ability to fully comprehend what was happening to you. Jake’s focus shouldn’t have been on Jensen and who he was to you. But yet you couldn’t not defend him. 

“He’s not a bad guy, he’s really not—“ There was an awkward silence that lingered in the room as Jensen chose to take in what you’d said. “This is all just so much for him to take in.” 

“You don’t need to explain your relationship to me.” Jensen wanted to say that if Jake was such an alright guy, then you wouldn’t have left. He wanted to remind you of all the conversations the two of you had had over the past few months. All the times you’d cried about the man who didn’t value your time, your energy, your love. “But a woman like you should never have to beg a man to stay.” 

“I left him.” You felt the need to remind the man who stood at your bedside with an ora surrounding him you didn’t recognise. “I stopped begging him to love me a long time ago and you know that.” 

Jensen could have thrown the fact you just called out after Jake back in your face, that you’d begged your husband not to leave. But he wasn’t that mean. He was just looking out for you. Someone had to. Someone had to make sure this Jake guy had his priorities in check and that you were at the very top of that list where you belonged. 

“I know—“ Jensen pressed his lips together into a fine line. “But that guy just walked out the second things got a little more complicated, what’s gonna stop him from throwing in the towel if your health declines more than it already has?” Jensen shrugged his shoulders like he wasn’t being nasty. It was his version of tough love. 

“I’m sorry—“ You scoffed as your face contorted into that of a frown mixed with frustration. “Are you, are you testing Jake?” 

“Cancer is one of the world's most leading causes of divorce.” Jensen added like it was a statistic you should have known. He knew you knew it. “I just wanted to see how well he handled a little external pressure.” 

“You’re—“ Before you could finish your sentence, Jensen was smiling down at you from ear to ear. 

“A menace, I know, but I’m a menace that only has your best interest at heart.” Jensen explained as he sat down beside you for only a brief moment. “Your fight isn’t with Jake right now, he shouldn’t be fighting you or anyone else in your life that may come and go.” 

“Jensen—“ You knew Jensen hadn’t been well, but he hadn’t explicitly told you how bad it was. There was something in his eyes though, the way he looked at you like he was looking at you for the last time that had you worried. “What’s going on with you?” 

“I’m just making sure if you’re letting that man back into your life that he’s gonna stick around when things don’t go the way he wants them to.” Jensen smiled softly as he picked up your hand to bring towards his lips. He left a fleeting kiss upon the palm of your hand and let out a sigh he wasn’t aware he was holding in. “I’ll go track down your sook of a husband, make sure he’s aware that you’re hopelessly devoted or whatever you wanna call it.” 

“Please be nice—“ You pleaded gently as Jensen stood from your bedside. “Please.” 

“Anything for you Y/n.” Jensen replied, he knew that this would be the last time he ever saw you apart from in his own version of heaven. “Anything for you.” 

***~***~***~***~***~***~*

Jake Seresin had never been a fan of hospitals. That mentality first started when he broke his leg in kindergarten and needed a full cast, but it grew with him well into adulthood. Jake had never liked hospitals, even when all three of his children were born he still hated them. Not even the love he had for his children could override the hate he felt towards the sterile environment that gave far too many infections to people to be considered ‘normal’ 

“Seresin.” But Jake had never hated hospitals more than he did the second he heard his last name being called from just a short distance down the hall. Called by a man who Jake would happily like to never see again. “The hell is your problem?” Jake caught the sight of the man who’d brought you flowers coming right towards him with a fire burning in his eyes. The man you had kept somewhat a secret from Jake. Much like your diagnosis. 

“My problem is asking me what my problem is.” Jake groaned as he took a sip of his shitty ass hospital coffee. “Don’t you and my wife have things to talk about?” Jake asked as he took a few steps away from where Jensen had stopped in his tracks. “Things I’m not privy to as it seems? Like her health or new love life?” 

“You don’t even know who I am to your wife!” Jensen barked loud enough to have Jake stopping in the middle of the hall. The six foot something aviator turned slowly on his heels to give the almost matching in height bald dude the time of day he seemed to crave. “But I know all about you, because I’ve been there for Y/n while you’ve been busy playing part time parent across the country.” Jensen had nothing to lose, he was just a dying man who had no time left to cherish. 

Jake wasn’t about to stand here and take this. He didn’t need some guy who’d stepped into your life to tell him what to do. You were the mother of Jake’s children, you’d always be that to him regardless if he could fix what he broke. 

“Get out of my face before you need a plastics consult.” Jake growled through gritted teeth all the while Jensen grinned. He was standing his ground as Jake continued on his defensive. “Because so help me god, you may feel like god right now with your self-righteous heart and knight in shining armour attitude, but you sure as hell won’t feel all high and mighty when you meet him.” 

Jensen didn't want to fight with your husband, but he did want to make it known that time was forever fleeting, and if Jake kept going the way he was there would be no time left to fix what he broke. You needed someone to be there for you, Jake had to be that person. 

Because Jensen couldn’t be that guy for you anymore, he had no fight left to give you. He had no fight left in himself. 

“You know I sympathise with you Jake, I do, it must be hard being the guy who broke your own marriage to a woman who loves so fiercely and so much.” Jensen started as he let his elbows rest atop his sweatpants clad knees. “And now having to deal with the fact that said wife is dying must be a lot to work through.” 

Jake remained speechless as his eyes lingered down to the man who was almost out of breath from his walk through the halls. He held his half drunk coffee cup in his hand with enough rage coursing through his veins that Jake was actually surprised he hadn’t crushed the flimsy cardboard vessel. 

“But you know what the worst part of all that is? Is that your priority isn’t your wife, or fixing your marriage—“ Jensen continued on. “No, it’s on the guy who your wife chose to confide in when you were nowhere to be found.” 

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.” Jake replied with a hiss in his tone that mimicked the deadliest of snakes. “I couldn’t give a shit who you are to her or what you want, because she’s my fucking wife—mine!” 

“And yet here you are arguing that point with me in the hall when you could be at her bedside appreciating all the small moments you’ll be lucky to look back on one day.” Jensen grew more heated as Jake took a few strides his way, towering over where Jensen sat. “You threw a fit the second I stepped into that room without using any critical thinking skills you aviators claim to have in the heat of the moment.” 

“She told me she wasn’t seeing anyone! Come to find out that that’s—“ Jake didn’t get a chance to finish his sentence before Jensen intervened that train of thought. 

“She’s not! You’re wife fucking love’s you!! She kept her prognosis from you because she was so scared you didn’t love her back enough to fucking care! And you’re hung up on the idea she’s seeing someone? Me!?” Jensen scoffed as he stood, the few strides he took towards Jake were made with intent behind every single one. Enough to have Jake stumbling back every so slightly. “Here’s a concept for you man.” Jensen pressed his index finger into Jake’s sternum. “Maybe, just maybe, if I was sleeping with your wife, she’d remember her worth.” 

“You really don’t know what you’re talking about.” Jake sighed, there was no way he was entertaining this delusion any more than he already had. “I think you should leave.” The idea of you being with another man sent Jake into a blind rage of jealousy that saw no reason. But at the end of the day, he was the one who walked out on you. He’d strayed too far from your hospital room and couldn’t see your bed socks anymore. 

Fuck….

“Maybe, maybe I should—“ Jensen agreed. “And hell I don’t even know you at all, but from what I’ve managed to piece together? it’s that you're a crap husband who doesn’t have the emotional capacity to handle the fact his wife could lose this battle.” Jensen retaliated with a stone cold expression. “But something I do know is that no amount of prayer or candles or begging will reverse time, so put your ego side and focus on the fact your wife needs you now more than ever before and if you leave her side the way you did today ever again, trust me when I say you’ll regret it every day of your life.” 

“Y/n isn’t dying—“ Much like Jensen was taking his fear of the unknown out on Jake, Jake was just about ready to let loose on the guy who was picking apart his very character. Sure, Jake recognised he wasn’t the best husband, but he also knew you weren’t dying. Not right now, not while he wasn’t by your side. 

“I wasn’t either, but as it turns out we all have an expiry date.” Jensen replied. The atmosphere and energy surrounding the two men who were going head to head suddenly shifted. “Some sooner than others, but we all have one, and when yours is up yours is up and there ain't nothing you can do you extend it.” 

“You’re—“ Jake couldn’t bring himself to say it. 

“A walking corpse.” Jensen finished the sentence he knew Jake was trying to speak into existence. Although he didn’t care to beat around the bush. “So trust me when I tell you that wishful thinking does shit when your body decides it’s had enough.” 

“Does Y/n know?” Jake's first worry was how this news, how this detrimental turn of events, would affect you. His heart forgot how to beat inside his chest when he watched Jensen shake his head in response. 

“She needs to focus on her own journey, and before I go I need to make sure she has a support system because for a while there I was all she seemed to have.” Jensen explained. There it was, the truth of the matter. 

Jake saw it clear as day, the care, the worry, the intention to make sure you had someone there for you because Jensen wasn’t going to be there anymore. You may not have slept with the guy standing before Jake but if Jake knew anything, it was the look of a man who was unequivocally in love with you. He saw his own reflection of Jensen's eyes. 

“Go back, apologies, and you fix your marriage man because that woman? That electrifying woman who sees the good in everything doesn’t deserve to go through this alone—and you turning your back on her the second someone made things a little difficult for you isn’t a good representation of the husband she deserves.” 

“You love her, don’t you?” Jake asked as he took a second to truly take in Jensens whole argument. The world seemed to go on around them, with doctors and nurses carrying out their daily duties and rounds. Family members walking to and from rooms visiting loved ones. But for Jake and Jensen? The world stopped when it came to you. “You’re in love with my wife, say it.” Jake couldn’t hide the pain in his voice. “Tell me you love her, then this all makes sense.” 

“Maybe—“ Jensen tried to play his love for you down into something that was just a social construct. “Maybe I love her, but I don’t get a chance to explore that, you do though.” Jensen was truly trying to hide the pain in his eyes, but Jake could see it all too easily. Jensen knew that. “So if not for yourself, for her, pull your head out of your ass man—“

“I never stopped loving her though.” Jake sighed out in frustration as he sat down on one of the plastic hospital chairs that lined the hallway. Jensen followed soon after, both men decided that the heat of the argument was settling into something more valuable. “I just—I lost sight of what I had.” 

“That’s just not a good enough excuse.” Jensen replied as he let his head fall back against the wall. “Listen, I don’t plan on coming back after I leave today.” 

Jake didn’t respond, he simply waited for Jensen to explain. But the explanation never came and Jake never pressed. If anything he was kind of relieved in a selfish way. 

“If you truly want to fix what’s broken, if you really want to fight for her and be by her side when she needs you the most, you’ll get up and you’ll go back in there and you’ll be the guy who gets to hold her like no one else does.” Jensen pauses momentarily before he continued on. “Because there’s better guys out there Jake, and she shouldn’t have to settle for one who doesn’t appreciate what’s right under his damn nose.” 

“Is this your way of telling me you’re a better man than me?” Jake asked cautiously, a part of him didn’t want the answer to be yes. But Jake needed to know what the man sitting beside him truly thought. You saw something good inside him, inside both of them.

“I’m not a better man than you Jake—“ Jensen sighed as he stood from his chair. It was getting late, he had said his peace, he had put the fear for a dying man inside Jake Seresin. There wasn’t much more Jensen could contribute to your life besides what he had already given. 

The body tends to adapt quickly to new circumstances and pressures it’s put under. It knows how to protect itself. But it can’t close off completely, or well—we’re not really living are we? Biology tends to override our fears, so we leave the door open, just a little…hoping like hell that it's worth the risk. But for Jensen….He was ready to close the door and lock it shut. 

“I’m just a man who’s run out of time and has nothing left to lose.”

***~***~***~***~***~***~

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[deanscherrypie69]

You left without saying goodbye |DW.|

♡Dean Winchester X Female Reader♡

♡Warnings: Mentions of Y/n picking up an alcohol addiction, no use of Y/n. (Maybe like twice) Langue and mentions of blood. 18+ pls minors DNI!!!!!♡ please do not post my fics anywhere else expect tumblr, you have been warned! Also most of this was written on my phone 😭

♡Feedback is appreciated! Comments and reblogs are appreciated!!!!♡

My inbox is open!

Dividers by: @cafekitsune !!!

A/N thank yall sm for the love and support on the first part of the fic! It means the world to me!!! And as yall requested. Part two! Pls don’t hate me it’s a long one so buckle up✋🏽🥲

Also Happy bday to Jensen!!! Love you v much!!🤠🤎

♡Part one♡

It had been three moths since that night with Dean, it had played over and over again in your mind when you went to sleep every night.

You swore you could feel his lips on yours, or the sounds he made when he was moving in and out of your body.

You hated it so much, you hated him. With his stupid eyes his pink lips you hated him.

But you took all of that rage out on, the monsters you’d hunt. Shooting them stabbing them. Anything you could think of.

You had come back from a bad werewolf hunt with Bobby, one of the wolfs clawed your abdomen trying to save Bobby.

So here you were nursing a bottle of whiskey as the old man stitched you up.

Oh yea and you forgot to mention you kind picked up a drinking habit over the last few months.

“Do you have a deal death with or something?” The old man asks as he threads your skink back together.

“No.” You hiss as he pulls the thread in and out of you.

“You’re not a very good lair.” He says grabbing the scissors to cut the string.

You raise your brow, “you aren’t a very good nurse either.” You say standing up. You grab stomach with a groan as you walk to the kitchen.

Bobby watches you struggle to walk away. He begins to clean the blood off his hands with a towel.

Bobby never bought it up because it was never any of his business. But. He cared about you a lot. You were like his daughter he’d never had have.

That day when he picked you up from the hotel. There was something wrong. You hadn't said anything to him about it since then. It has been three months and Bobby had grown curious.

Bobby takes a sigh and sits in his chair in front of his desk.

“What happened that I had to drive almost three hours out to pick you up from a motel?”

Bobby saw your body stiffen with the questions, he knew he had struck a nerve.

You grown and begin to walk up stairs, not wanting to answer his questions, “Good night Bobby.” You groan.

Bobby rolls his eyes “damn kid.”

This had been the worst sleep of your life by far. You couldn’t sleep you were up all night tossing and turning. You groan as you flick the covers off of your body.

You look over at the time on your alarm clock, it was almost 12 in the afternoon.

You groan and begin to rummage through your pile of clean clothes you had just washed.

“Please tell me you have coffee on and some painkillers.” You groan grabbing your stomach as you walk down the stairs

“I really could use some.” You say rubbing your eyes.

When Bobby didn’t say anything you remove your hands away from your eyes. And when you opened them you did not expect to see someone you haven’t seen in three months.

“Dean?” Your voice was barely above a whisper. You were angry.

You turn to the old man who was sitting across from him, “What the hell is he doing here?” You question, not looking over in Deans' direction.

“He’s here because he got a weird call, someone pretending to be Sam.” He says “just wanted to know if we got the call that’s all.”

You roll your eyes and clench your stomach, you don’t even look his way, he had left you after sharing an intimate moment, he left you vulnerable.

You scoff and walk over to the coffee pot, you poor yourself a cup, Bobby looks between you and Dean.

Dean had his eyes glued to your back, waiting for you to turn around and look at him. But you didn’t. He watched as you grab the painkillers from the top cabinet with a groan.

“I’ll be upstairs.” You mumble.

Bobby nods as he watches you carefully disappear upstairs.

“Are you gonna talk about it?” Bobby questions.

Dean huffs and leans back “nothing to talk about, just came here to see if you got that call that's all.”

Bobby let’s out a chuckle. “You came here to see if she was here.”

Bobby states.

Dean rolls his eyes. “No i didn’t,” Dean argues.

“Bullshit, something happened between you too.” Bobby says looking at the green eyed man.

Dean nods his head “it did but it was a mistake, we both were missing Sam.” Dean rubs a hand down his face.

Bobby cuts Dean off “Does she know that?” Bobby questions. “That girl has had a death wish for three months. I made her stop hunting, I don't know if you noticed, she has a pretty bad injury."

“Whatever you did you need too clear it up.” Bobby says.

Dean stands up from his chair “There’s nothing to clear cause nothing happened, it didn’t mean anything, not to me anyway.” Dean grabs his jacket.

Before Dean reached the front door he saw you at the bottom of the stairs, with your bloodied bandages that you had just switched out with new ones. In your hands

He didn’t miss the way the tears in your eyes welded up. He give you a small smile the exits the house,

“How much did you hear.”

You swallow hard, “Enough” you walk into the kitchen and shove the bandages in the trash. And once again you had disappeared up the stairs.

It has been three days since Dean had come. Bobby wasn't home, he hasn’t been home for a few days he was cleaning up a ghoul hunt in Ohio. You were left alone reading lore books. About monsters.

Your wound on your abdomen, still hurt like hell, you felt like it was keeping you from hunting and you hated it.

You were bought out of your thoughts when there was a frantic knock at the door, you carefully get up from your spot and make your way to the front door.

“Who is it” you say.

“Y/n? It’s Sam open the door.”

You raise your eyebrows.

“Thats impossible you’re in hell.”

You hear a loud sigh coming from the door, you watch as the bottom lock jiggles and then the door opens, it opens up enough to see the tall hunter standing in the door way.

“Sam?”

He rolls his eyes and squeezes past you, “That’s what I’ve been trying to tell everybody.” He huffs closing the door behind him

“How.” You watch as the tall man makes his way through the house as if he was looking for someone? “Where’s Bobby?”

“Ghoul hunt.” You say watching him,

“Dean? Did he go with Bobby?”

You shake your head ‘no”

“I haven’t talked to him not really, not since-“

Sam nods at your words

“How did you-“ you point

Sam shrugs “I don’t know.” He chuckles. Sam stops and looks at you. “Give me your phone.” He says

You raise your eyebrows in confusion, reaching into your back pocket you fish out your phone, handing it to the tall man.

Sam smiles he clicks the screen a few times.

You sigh and walk past him, into the kitchen.

You listen as Sam mumbles a quick 'bye' into the phone.

Sam walks back to you handing you your phone, "Who'd you call?" You hum tucking your phone back into your pocket.

You had already knew the answer to that question. You didn’t even know why you asked.

Sam reaches beside you and opens the fridge, he reaches in and grabs two beers.

"Dean." He says handing you the bottle.

You don't say anything expect, you pop the top off and throw it into the sink. Sam sighs as he watches you knock back the beer in a few sips.

"Did something happen between you guys, when i called he thought it was you." Sam says.

You set the empty bottle down. "It did, but according to him, it didn't mean anything." You state. You take a shaky breath, "He left me, without saying goodbye Sam. I don't even know where he's been for the last three months."

Sam notices a tear slide down your cheek, "He's been playing house, with Lisa. Seems like when shit hits the fan he keeps going back to her."

"What?" Your voice was shaky. You don't remember anyone in Dean's life named Lisa. But then you rack through your brain.

"The dark-haired lady? With that kid named Ben?"

Sam nods.

You remembered them both, You three were working on a case when Dean had knocked at the door, and she had answered, it was her son's birthday.

"He was in love with her?" You question. Sam nods. "I guess he still is."

You sigh, you wondered if you were Dean's second option.

'I'm going to- take a nap." You say looking down at your watch.

Sam nods and rubs the small of your back,

Walking into the living room, you had grabbed a blanket that was. Draped over the back of an empty chair, you always liked sleeping on the cot Bobby had by the window, it was peaceful hearing the birds chirping, pulling the blanket up you quickly fall asleep.

it had felt like you were sleeping forever but that was until you felt someone shaking you.

Opening your eyes you see Sam, "Hey.” he says, “Bobby called, and told me you needed your bandages switched out."

You yawn and rub your eyes. Sam helps you sit up. You lift up your shirt with a wince.

He grabs the bandages that had been on Bobby's desk.

Sam pulls a chair up.

You had been hardly awake for that long when you heard the side door open. "Hey." Sam says not even looking in that direction, he had been placing the new bandages on you.

You knew who it was, you had been hoping. That he wouldn't had come tonight you didn't want to have to face him.

You watch and he walks in the room where you and Sam where, his eyes glued on you, he had a fresh beer in his hand.

Sam pats your leg motioning you pull down your shirt. "Thanks." You mumble. Sam smiles at you, he walks into the kitchen past Dean to wash his hands.

You pull the blanket back over your body.

Dean watches you stare out the window, it had remined him of that night- before he left.

He sits in the chair that Sam was just in. His beer resting between his legs. "Please go." You sniffle not wanting to look at him.

When Dean didn’t listen you turn to look at him, your breathing was harsh. You were mad.

The anger that you had built up for the past few months was just begging to come out.

“So Lisa huh?”

Dean opens and closes his mouth.

“Did you decide to go be with her before or after you fucked me!” You spat, throwing the blanket off your body you sit on the edge of the bed.

Your chest heaving up and down.

When Dean didn’t say anything you continue. “You left me Dean, you didn’t call you didn’t text, for all I could’ve know you could’ve died. But no you were playing house with some whore.” You spat

Dean licks his lips, “don’t talk about her like that.” He grumbles

You roll your eye, I’ll talk about her however I goddamn please.”

You and Dean stare at each other.

“Was it a mistake Dean?” You question.

Dean blinks a few times. He had forgotten you heard his and Bobby’s conversation.

Dean shakes his head, he had convinced himself it was a mistake the day he left you and went to Lisa.

But he knew deep down it wasn’t. If it was he wouldn’t have been the first one to kiss you.

“No, I thought about you everyday for three months when I left.” Dean was telling the truth weather or jot you decided to believe it or not.

He dreamed about you daily. He could still smell your perfume. He could hear you little moans. When he hit that sweet spot inside of you.

He didn’t know why he left he was scared.

Scared that maybe you would’ve regretted it too.

But it turns out, you were far from thinking that.

You scoff, “Bullshit.” You spat. “I was your second option Dean. You got your fix and left me. I’m nothing to you, and I never will be.”

Tears stream down your face, Wiping your hands doen your face you get up from your spot on the cot. “You Sam and Bobby don’t need me,” you say grabbing your jacket. You reach into on of the draws that Bobby have in the kitchen, it had sets of car keys in it.

You take a random one and walk out the door.

Dean chases after you.

“Y/n stop!” Dean shouts.

You had stopped in your tracks, you turn around to face Dean.

“I’m leaving Dean You can’t stop me.” You say.

You hit the car alarm on the key fob and one of the cars that were sitting in the lot begin to light up. Turning the alarm off you hop into the car.

Dean watches as you pull away in the car.

Something in the back of Dean’s mind told him to stop you. He wanted just to talk it over with you maybe. Just maybe it could have a different outcome.

It was just one big misunderstanding.

He watches as you pull out of the driveway.

Your car begins to move slowly. It was like you wanted to come back. But you kept driving.

Until. Another car coming from the opposite direction, came speeding down.

You tried to get out of the way but it was too late.

Dean watches as the car rams into yours with full speed.

“Y/n!” Dean shouts as he begins to run.

Dean ran, it felt like forever. When he reached the car you were in he sees your body hunched over. There was blood all over you face it was coming out of your ears and nose.

The wound on your stomach was open, there was so much blood, Dean had seen nothing like it.

This was not happening hew knew he should’ve stopped you. He should’ve stopped you.

He scoops your body up in his arms. He looks down at your face, your eyes begin to flutter open.

“I’m sorry-“ was all you say before it all went black.

“I’m gonna get you help sweetheart, you ain’t leaving me.” Dean says putting you in the back of the impala.

But Dean sees your eyes closed.

He was not going to let you die, not in his watch.

Fic tags: @emilyroxy @preciouscupcake @aylacavebear @suckitands33 @nescavaneck @rockstargal @star-yawnznn @constancelynn @deangirl96 @sacrosankta @tomorrowseverything @brightlilith

Thank you for all of the support!! Love you all!!!

[embrosegraves]

𝔻𝕠𝕟'𝕥 ℍ𝕒𝕥𝕖 𝕄𝕖

(request) Fernando Alonso x Reader Enemies to lovers, forced proximity.  “He loves you, y’know? He’s just afraid of admitting it."

Warnings: heavy use of explicit language.

1.9k words

For as long as you could remember, Fernando Alonso has hated you. If you had to be in a room with him, he was as far away as he could get. Oftentimes you would try and talk with him, try to understand why he didn’t like you, only for him to ignore whatever it was you were saying. 

Eventually you gave up. Why should you put in all this effort just to be pushed aside and ignored? If he thought he was good at being an asshole, you were going to be better. If he thought he was bad, you were going to be worse. There was a lot of tension between the two of you. Everybody could see it. Nobody wanted to talk about it around you, or even bring it up to you. Nobody except a good friend of yours, Jensen Button. Who just so happened to also be Fernando’s teammate. 

“Okay, I literally can’t keep up with this anymore.” He said to you. FP2 had finished a few hours ago and the interviews that occurred afterwards were full of snide comments and poorly veiled insults between you and Fernando. “What the fuck happened between the two of you?” 

You scoffed, “When you figure it out let me know.” 

Jensen looked at you in disbelief. “You mean you don’t even know?” 

“Look, Jense. All I know is that he snubbed me whenever I tried to talk to him. He’s ignored me and made comments about me for my entire career in this goddamn sport. So if he wants to be a dickhead with the only female driver in however many fucking years, I’m gonna give as good as I’m getting.” You stormed off before he had a chance to reply. 

Jensen stood there as he watched you get in your car and start driving, presumably to the hotel the drivers were put in. He had to get to the bottom of this. Turning on his heel, Jensen made his way back to the paddock in search of Fernando, who he knew would still be here. 

When Jensen found him, Fernando was humming an old Spanish song while he folded the little laundry he had in his driver's room. 

“Has your woman gone home?” Fernando asked, seeing Jensen standing there in his peripheral. 

“Not my woman. She’s basically my sister.” 

“But she has gone to the hotel, yes?” 

“Why do you hate her?” Jensen ignored Fernando’s question in favour of asking the one thing he set out to find the answer for.

Fernando frowned and paused what he was doing. Setting down the clothes, but not turning around, he asked Jensen, “What makes you say I hate her?” 

“Well, in her own words, you snubbed her everytime she went to speak with you. You’ve ignored her and made comments about her for, and I quote, ‘her entire career in this goddamn sport’.” Jensen walked further inside Fernando’s room, gently closing the door as he went.

“She has been doing the same to me, no?”

“Yeah well, she told me she was only giving as good as she was getting, so.” Jensen shrugged, “She seems pretty set in thinking you hate her. I’m only here to figure out what’s going on between you two.”

It was silent for a few minutes before Fernando spoke up. 

“She intimidates me.” 

Jensen wasn’t sure if he had heard his teammate correctly. 

“I’m sorry? She intimidates you?”

Fernando had turned around to look at him now. “When I heard about a female racer that was bulldozing through the ranks, I started to follow her career. Every interview she gave, every race she drove, I kept track of it all. I was impressed.” He walked over and sat on the small couch. “The more I watched, the more I followed, the more enamoured I became with her. That’s what intimidated me.” 

“So she’s not the one intimidating you. Your own feelings are.” 

“Yes. I was scared. For so long I was comfortable with not having a partner, not having a family. I was scared to suddenly want these things with a person I have never met in my life.” 

“So you thought the best way to deal with that was being a dickhead? That was smart.” It was Jensen’s turn to scoff now. “That has to be the stupidest thing you’ve ever done.” 

“I know. I was afraid of what I would say if I spoke to her directly. So I stuck to what I know how to do, play up my media persona of being arrogant.” 

“That’s not arrogance, Mate. That’s plain and simple stupidity.” Jensen let out an exhausted breath and opened the door. “I only hope that one day, you can somehow overcome that.” 

While he walked away from Fernando, Jensen promised himself that one way or another, he would bring an end to the issue between you and his teammate. 

His opportunity came the next day when he saw you walk into your driver’s room after qualifying. He knew that you would likely want to be by yourself, especially because you had only just managed to get into Q3, but he was damned if he didn’t use this opportunity. 

As quickly as he could, he made his way over to Fernando’s driver’s room, grabbed his wrist and started dragging him through the paddock and towards you. Because you and Jensen were so close with each other, he knew that your door would be unlocked. So when he got there with Fernando, he quickly threw the door open, shoved Fernando inside and closed the door. Using his body as a barricade, he stopped Fernando’s attempts of getting out of the small room.

Until now, you had been too shocked to properly react to what was happening, but as soon as you registered that Fernando of all people was inside your driver’s room and that Jensen had been the one to put him there, you got angry. 

“Jensen I know you’re outside the door, what the fuck do you think you’re doing?!” You yelled. Having never heard you genuinely angry before, Fernando had stopped his attempts of pushing the door open to get out. As much as he could, he quickly moved out of the way when you started to step over to pound on the door and continue yelling at your best friend. 

“I’m not opening this door until you sort your shit out with each other!” Jensen yelled back. 

“You’re a piece of shit Jensen! I swear to god if you don’t open this fucking door, I’m never fucking speaking to you again!” 

“I think I’ll live!” 

You yelled out in frustration and fury. Turning around, you saw Fernando looking at you in shock. “What!?” 

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you that angry.” His voice was a whisper. Almost as if he was scared of you. 

“Well aren’t you lucky?” You were no longer yelling, but the anger was still evident in your words. “Listen, I could care less if you hate me, but could you at least explain that to Jensen so I can leave?” You punctuated your sentence with a solid kick to the door, where Jensen was still using his bodyweight to stop you from leaving. 

“I don’t hate you.” 

You laughed. Doubled over hands on your knees, you laughed as if he had said the funniest thing in the world. “That has to be the funniest fucking thing I’ve ever heard you say Alonso.” 

It was Jensen’s voice beyond the door that made you sober up quickly. “He’s in love with you! He’s just too pussy to tell you!” 

You practically gave yourself whiplash turning your head to look at Fernando’s face. “You what?” 

“I-” Before Fernando could get a word in edgewise, you had turned back to the door, pounding your open hand on it. 

“Jensen, this isn’t funny! You can’t do this to me, you can’t play me like this! Please just open the door!” The amount of emotion coursing through you made your voice crack as you pleaded to be let out. 

“I promise you, Buggy, I’m not doing this to hurt you.”

“What do you mean?” Fernando had asked you. 

“Years ago, before we were ever teammates and before she got to F1, Y/n told me that she was the most excited to meet you. She’s always admired you. She was gutted when you acted how you did the day you met. Ever since, she’s tried to understand what was wrong with her. Wouldn’t listen when I said it had nothing to do with her.” Jensen said loud enough for you both to hear him. “I have to do this, Buggy. I only ever want the best for you and if that means I have to make you confront this, then so be it.” 

At this point Fernando had slowly made his way over to where you had practically run to. The look on your face broke his heart, so he slowly and clearly moved his arms to hold you close to him. 

“Let go of me! Let me go! You- You hate me! You don’t like me, please just let go..” You had tried prying yourself out of his arms before deflating in defeat and crying. 

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I ever made you feel that way. Lo siento. Lo siento mucho.” He kept hugging you close, gently his hand over your head and shushing you like one would when calming a child. 

Jensen’s heart broke as he heard you break down. He knew this needed to happen, but it still hurt to hear his best friend, his little sister, crying her heart out. 

Fernando managed to gently guide you so that the two of you were sitting on the floor. He didn’t want to risk you falling because of being too overwhelmed. He started explaining to you how he had followed your career since you had been in Formula 3. He spoke about how he admired just how driven you were, which had earned a small, wet chuckle from you. Eventually, you had calmed down enough to stop crying, though neither you nor Fernando made an effort to move from the embrace. 

After a few moments of silence, Fernando spoke. His voice whispered, “He’s right.” 

“Who?” Your voice was still wrought with emotion. 

“Jensen. He was right when he said I was too scared to tell you I love you.” 

“But why?” 

“Why was I scared?” he wiped a stray tear from your face, “There’s a lot of reasons I guess. I mean-” 

You cut him off. “No, I mean why are you in love with me? You haven’t spoken to me directly ever since I got here, so why would you love me?” 

Fernando gently squeezed you. “A lot of reasons. I guess the biggest one is that I saw how determined you were, fighting to be on the top step after every race. I saw how you never let anybody tell you how to act. You’ve always had a fire in you and that attracted me the most. El hecho de que seas tan hermosa también ayuda.”  [The fact that you're so beautiful helps too.]

A small part of your brain clocked onto the fact that Fernando had no idea what languages you spoke. “Can I tell you something?” 

“Of course, Guapa.”  [Pretty]

“Tomé clases de español de niña, hasta que tuve fluidez.”  [I took Spanish classes as a kid, until I was fluent.]

Fernando placed a lingering kiss on your forehead, “Every word I said is the truth.” 

“Thank you.”

Kinda struggled writing the "Enemies to Lovers" part of this but overall I think I did pretty good.

I hope you all enjoyed!

MUAHS <3

[jinkieswouldyoulookatthis]

Anti-destiel Wank (sorry but I have to)

If you hardcore ship Destiel, please just scroll on by. Please.

Ok, I'm gonna get myself in trouble, I'm sure, but I gotta get this off my chest...

Destiel may be a perfectly fine ship,

but,

IT'S JUST A SHIP.

In the actual context of the show there IS NO ROMANTIC OR SEXUAL TENSION/RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN DEAN AND CAS.*

Full fucking stop.

Subtext can be interpreted in ANY WAY YOU WANT. It is subjective. You will find whatever you look for in it. Please stop waving subtext interpretations around as if they were objective facts, they aren't. Subtext, by its very definition, relies on implied meaning and understanding, this means it is a subjective interpretation of the media that varies from viewer to viewer. The inherent variations are what make it fanon/headcanon instead of canon.

If you see tension of that sort there and it makes you happy to postulate the what if, then go ahead, that is what fanon and head canon and fan fiction is all about. But if the fact that the tension you think you see isn't being addressed in actual canon makes you grumpy, maybe you need to take some of the fanatic out of your fanning. If you are beginning to think the show creators are actively trying to repress Dean's "true sexuality and feelings" because they are evil, you might need to consider that you've dug in too deep.

Because, like I ship wincest. Yeah, I said it. But I am aware that canon doesn't actually include any level of sexual or romantic (in the modern sense) relationship between Sam and Dean. Wincest is not canon.

Now, are Sam and Dean the real "love" story of the show? Yes, yes they are. That has always been 100% the entire point of Supernatural, the great love story of two brothers struggling to save the world together. It's about family and everything that means, but at its heart, it is about Sam and Dean WInchester. Not all kisses and cuddles and sex kind of love, but love nonetheless. Full stop.

Now, the fact that Destiel is such a popular ship is not surprising to me in the least. Jensen and Misha are two gorgeous guys who share a lot of chemistry on screen and off. And, it is canon that Cas loves Dean. That has been evident since Lazarus Rising (4x01) when Cas was introduced. Castiel's love of Dean Winchester has been his character's main motivation all along and culminated with Cas sacrificing himself to save Dean, after telling him that he loved him in Despair (15x18)

But Dean's main motivation has always been to watch out for his brother. And though Castiel became Dean's best friend, he still comes second to Sam. Nothing against Cas, he just isn't Sam.

So why are so many people so absolutely convinced that Destiel is so real within the context of the story?

Well, I'm pretty sure that it is the same reason that they are so opposed to the idea of wincest.

As we all know, incest is bad, mmmkay? Incest is probably one of the biggest, strongest, cultural taboos we have. So it makes perfect sense that the idea of two blood-related brothers having sexual or romantic feelings for each other is considered icky. It's so off putting that it is a complete no go for even fantasizing about for most people. And that's probably a good thing, tbh, incest should be taboo. But where does that taboo spring from? Why is it so deeply off limits? There are several reasons, but the two main ones are:

That incest can lead to inbreeding.

That incest too often involves molestation or rape of children.

Both of these are seriously bad enough that we all pretty much collectively agree to avoid incestuous relationships. But, do either of these two reasons really apply in the case of Sam and Dean?

The short answer is no. Primarily this is because they are fictional characters that are being played by unrelated actors. But to humor the objectors we'll look at it closer.

We can take the first one right off the table. As two cis men, neither of them is capable of becoming pregnant, so outside of the mpreg (male pregnancy) or gender bending subsets of fanfic tropes, this is not applicable.

The second reason only becomes an issue when talking about the characters earlier in their lives, pre-show or flashbacks. Weecest or teencest, or whatever, are things, but these typically have separate ship names for a reason, because even when dealing with fictional characters this squicks a lot of folks who are otherwise down with the wincest ship. So most content is tagged or labeled as its specific flavor, so anyone can find it or avoid it. But wincest that involves adult Sam and Dean (the specific pairing I'm referring to in this post) doesn't apply to the second reason listed above.

So there really is nothing morally wrong with Sam and Dean having sex with each other. I know that statement is going to bother a whole lot of people, but it is true. Just because something is taboo does not automatically make it morally wrong. Being gay used to be taboo in our culture, and is still taboo for way too many people, even though there is nothing morally wrong with homosexuality.

Now, I wasn't in the fandom back at the beginning of the show, but I've heard tell that the very first Sam/Dean fic was posted just a few hours after the pilot episode aired. A few hours, that's all it took for some highly motivated fan to type out a story where they were more than just brothers. The story is called Reunion. If you watch the pilot, even with your anti-incest goggles on, the chemistry between Jared and Jensen is palpable throughout. There is a reason the show lasted for 15 years, and that reason is that Sam and Dean just work on screen so well together. So if it only took one episode for that ship to be born, what did all the future destiel shippers do? Well I imagine they felt somewhat uncomfortable for the first 60 episodes.

Flash forward to season four and the introduction of Castiel. Finally there was another male character for fans squicked by the notion of sweet, sweet brother loving to focus on! Cas was clearly fixated on Dean more than Sam, which followed the plot since Cas had been instructed to rescue Dean from Hell. As it would turn out, the brothers were destined to be the meatsuits that Michael and Lucifer wore to the big prize fight to determine the fate of the world. Prepping Sam for Lucifer involved him consuming demon blood, which made most of the angelic host view him as an abomination, a factor that Cas had to learn to get past in his relationship with the younger brother. But Dean was ready to go right out of the box, no assembly required for Michael. Castiel, and many of his angelic brethren, as well as a lot of Demons, seem to be drawn to Dean in a way that they just aren't drawn to Sam. Is this fair? Hell no. But I mean, look at him! Jensen has sexual tension with literally everything he comes in contact with, people, food, his car, the man oozes sexual attraction. Don't get me wrong, Jared is a sexy fucking ball of sunshine, and our Sammy is a damned attractive man, but he tends to be more repressed and less openly sexual than his brother, so it is what it is.

Where was I going with this? That's a good question. I got a bit distracted, sorry. Oh right...

At its root, destiel is a reactive projection. There is undeniable tension between characters in the show. Since all of the main cast are male, that tension is highly homoerotic. The two main characters, who are undeniably emotionally enmeshed and co-dependent with each other (a very well established canon fact btw), happen to be blood-related brothers. Oh no! Where is all that tension coming from since we cannot admit or accept that it's coming from them? Ah ha! Here is a new male character that we like, yes, it is obviously coming from his interactions with one of the brothers, even though he wasn't in the first 60 episodes. Yes, it all makes perfect sense now, all that tension was merely foreshadowing.

I've read through all the destiel subtext posts. I've gone back and watched all the scenes they reference multiple times with the express purpose of finding destiel. I'm telling you it is just a fanon ship. Which is 100% fine and good, ship that ship, just stop declaring it more canon than canon, because it's not.

And if you don't like fictional incest, cool, cool, you don't have to. But the underlying sexual tension existed in the first 60 episodes prior to Misha being cast on the show, so it was coming from somewhere. And it'd be cooler if you learned how to scroll past people shipping wincest, like I'm sure you do for all the other weirdass, squicky shit that people post all over the internet. But if it makes your heart beat a little faster to imagine that Dean and Cas have eyesex but that Dean and Sam don't, that's fine. I think it's delusional because neither ship is actually canon and both are 100% A-Ok in fanon, and honestly Jensen doesn't seem to be able to control his eyes, which is not something anyone should feel bad about (it's fucking marvelous) but you do you.

*Castiel does love Dean. He confessed as much, but Dean did not reciprocate. What I am referencing is a mutual romance or attraction, which does not exist.

[dean-winchester-is-a-warrior]

Love and Lying Pt. 2

This will fill the Rumors space on my @jacklesversebingo card.

(P.S. I switched out one of my squares to "I want you to leave marks." That square's gonna be filled by an extremely smutty MOC!Dean fic - so be on the lookout for that soon. ❤️)

Summary: Will Y/N and Jensen love each other or live in lies?

Warnings/Explicit 18+: Jensen Angst and Reader Angst. Implied smut. Brief mention of semi-public sex. Jealousy. Discussions of emotionally abusive relationship.

Pairings: Jensen Ackles x Y/N

Word Count: 6,657

A/N: This is the second (and final) part of my little Love and Lying series. (Psst! It was supposed to be a one shot. *le sigh*) I wanna thank @envyaurora95 and @candy-coated-misery0731 for inspiring this fic with their request and that hot af picture at the top. It was so appreciated. I really enjoyed writing this. It's a different version of Jensen from what I usually write. So, it was a fun challenge. Hope everyone enjoys this second part.

A/N 2: As always, of course this is a Jensen from another part of the Multiverse, who is single. This is an absolute work of fiction.

The beautiful dividers used here were created by @saradika

Part 1 can be found here.

May (6 weeks later)

Jensen took another sip of his watered down whiskey and then stretched his mouth into a smile as he surveyed the room. It was a studio party, meaning there were basically the same ten or twenty people he knew, surrounded by a couple hundred more he’d never met in his life. The ten or twenty he knew, he didn’t really like. But it was all part of the business, this gladhanding. He used to enjoy it more, or at least be up for it. 

But these days everything just seemed stuck in perpetual slow motion. The days dragged, the nights were…empty; empty of everything except memories. 

“What’s got you frowning like that?” 

Jensen turned as Tara walked up beside him. She looked absolutely beautiful in a shimmery white dress, cut low enough to be sexy, but high enough to be modest. He knew she’d spent hours in a salon that afternoon to make sure her hair and nails, and makeup were all perfect for tonight. She really was stunning.

But it still took a lot for him to smile down at her as she slid up against his side. He kissed her cheek and felt a kick in his stomach as she beamed up at him.

Fuck I’m an asshole, he thought to himself.

With that admonishment in mind he gave her an extra squeeze and tried to make his smile real. But he still ignored her question. “So, how’re you enjoying the party, darlin’?”

Tara’s eyes lit up like a little kid at Christmas. “It’s amazing!” She said with a little clap. “I actually ran into Lauren Graham in there.” She said, thumbing towards the restrooms in the back. “She asked me to pass her a towel to dry her hands.” 

She paused and her brow crinkled. “Hmm…now that I think about it, she may have thought I was the bathroom attendant.”

Jensen barked out a true laugh, and then felt guilty again as Tara smiled wide, so happy with his happiness. He pulled her into his side again and kissed the top of her head. “You look far too beautiful to be mistaken as a bathroom attendant, darlin', I promise.”

She beamed up at him again, and he did his best to smile at her warmly. But something caught his eye across the room that froze him, making the smile dissolve quickly. Tara noticed and looked in the direction he was staring.

“Oh, hey. Isn’t that your friend…uh…Y/N?” Jensen nodded, and Tara asked the question he was most desperate to know the answer to. “Who’s that ridiculously hot guy she’s with?”

He shook his head. “I dunno.”

Something primal seemed to take over his body, making his blood pump and his fists clench. His logical brain was screaming at him to settle down, reminding him that he had a date too, standing right beside him.

You were the asshole who walked away, dipshit. The coward who took off before she even woke up. Did you think she was gonna stay single for the rest of her life?

He was only vaguely aware when Tara spotted someone else famous across the room, and took off to meet them. He nodded and smiled, but didn’t hear a word she said.

He was fixated on the couple across the room. 

He felt his body harden, and fire surge through him as he stared at her. She was in a short red dress that hugged every curve perfectly, and she wore a pair of black heels that made her legs look delectable, reminding him of every time she’d wrapped them tightly around his waist. She was laughing at something her date said, her smile bright. He could almost hear her laugh over the loud din of the crowd - that full, throaty laugh that never failed to make others around her smile too.

She had both her arms wrapped around her date's bicep, and she was pressed tight to his side. As he watched, the man leaned down to whisper something in her ear and she blushed and hit his arm.

Rage surged through him again. He was obviously whispering something dirty in her ear. Jensen was sure of it. He'd seen that look of guilty pleasure on her face before. Less than a year ago…at a party much like this one, in fact.

The scent of her perfume had made his head spin as he leaned close to her ear. He'd felt her shiver as he spoke, his voice quiet, but ragged. “You’re so fucking gorgeous in this dress Y/N. Stunning. But all I actually wanna do is rip it off with my teeth.” He’d let his tongue trace over the shell of her ear and then had to bite his lip to stop from groaning as she whimpered quietly.

His voice was rough and needy as he whispered to her, “We need to get the fuck out of here. Say goodbye and meet me at the coat check.”

The memory swirled in his mind now, reminding him that they’d never actually made it out of the coat check. Hidden by hundreds of hanging coats, he’d simply lifted her leg to his hip and fucked her standing - one hand braced against the wall and the other over her mouth to keep her moans and cries of pleasure from giving them away.

His black dress pants were getting uncomfortably tight as the memory played on a loop in his mind. His jaw ticked and his fists clenched, even as he told himself he was being a fucking idiot. But he couldn’t help it. He desperately wanted to break every one of the fingers running softly up and down Y/N’s arm.

Suddenly Tara bounced back to his side. “This party is amazing!”

Without even pretending to smile, he grabbed her hand and practically dragged her across the crowded floor.

“What are we doing?” Tara asked in bewilderment, trying to keep up with his much longer stride. Realizing this, Jensen slowed slightly, but continued determinedly across the room.

“I gotta get out of here.” Realizing how desperate that sounded, Jensen amended his words. “I mean, I’ve got an early call tomorrow.”

Jensen felt guilt pierce him again; he could feel Tara’s disappointment rise up and cover them both. But it was either leave her feeling a bit disappointed, or end up being arrested for gross bodily harm when he snapped every single finger on the hand that was touching what was his.

Not yours, asshole! 

His voice was loud in his head, shouting the truth at him. But rationality had no place alongside the anger inside him - anger that was masking something much darker and sadder, something Jensen denied immediately, heaping more anger on top to keep it buried.

Two weeks later

“David! Jesus, you’re slow!” Y/N shouted toward her bathroom where her best friend was getting ready. 

David popped his head out of the hallway. “What can I say, for some of us, beauty takes work.” His bright blue eyes twinkled at her before he disappeared to return to her bathroom.

Y/N snorted. “Yes, well beautiful boy, your husband is going to be here in less than five minutes and he’s not exactly patient.”

David’s voice was muffled slightly behind the bathroom door. “Well, he’s just gonna have to learn that you can’t rush perfection.”

Two minutes later he emerged, looking just as perfectly gorgeous as he always did. “What do you think?” He asked Y/N with a small spin. His suit was dark and sleek and very sexy. 

Y/N gave a wolf whistle and David grinned and took a little bow. “Thank you, thank y - oh!” He dashed back down the hallway. “I forgot the cufflinks Adam gave me.”

Y/N stood up and wandered into her bedroom where David and Adam’s suitcases were. She’d insisted they take her room while they were with her for a couple weeks, assuring them that her couch was very comfortable, and that she’d spent many a night sleeping there.

She didn’t add that she slept on the couch whenever the memories that were inextricably tangled with her bedroom became too much to handle. When she could practically smell him on her pillows she’d drag herself out to the couch and try to ignore the ache.

Now she watched David trying to wrestle with his cufflinks one handed and chuckled as she pushed his hand away to take over the task.

She smiled up at him. “You know, I’m really happy for you, Davie. Adam is really someone special. I hate that I couldn’t make it out to Connecticut for your wedding last year, but I’m so grateful I could help you celebrate your first anniversary in style! I'm gonna miss you both so much when you leave on Sunday.”

David leaned down and kissed her cheek. “We'll miss you too, sweetie. Thank you.” He beamed at her as she finished. “And Adam IS so amazing. I’m just so happy!”

Y/N couldn’t help catching his enthusiasm and grinned up at him before patting his arm. “K, well let’s get this show on the road then. Your other half will be here momentarily!”

David nodded and then disappeared into her bathroom. “Yep, just one more minute.”

She rolled her eyes and chuckled before heading back to the living room. She settled, crisscross, on the couch and picked up her phone. She scrolled for a few minutes and was about to call out to David to try, once again, to make him get a move on, but then her finger stopped scrolling on an instagram story that made her gasp and stare and then begin to feel dizzy. 

She shook her head. It was just a stupid gossip site that popped up in her feed sometimes. They’re not reliable, she thought, it’s not true. 

She was desperate for it not to be true. She searched out one or two other entertainment news Instagram accounts and found the same story on Entertainment Weekly’s page. She read the article, numb and breathing shallowly.

Is one of Hollywood’s most notorious and sought-after bachelors finally off the market? Rumors say (sorry ladies!) YES! Sources tell EW that the Supernatural and The Boys star, Jensen Ackles, was spotted in a famous LA boutique, shopping for rings. Though there has been no official statement from Ackles’ camp, the source claims that the ring was 24K gold, with a 2 carat diamond, and cost in excess of twenty thousand dollars. Phew! With a price tag that hefty, must be true love. 

Who's the lucky lady? We can't be 100% sure, but we're speculating that it's the lovely, mystery blonde he's had on his arm at quite a few parties recently. Whoever it is, as always, we wish the talented Mr. Ackles nothing but happiness.

Y/N sat staring at the old photo of Jensen the article used. He was smiling brightly, sunglasses covering his eyes as he moved along a red carpet somewhere. She couldn’t make the words make sense.

David came out of the room, looking down to sweep away some invisible speck of dust on his immaculate suit. “Okay, this time, I’m for real ready.” His smile broke off as he looked up to see how pale Y/N was.

“Y/N? Sweetie? What’s wrong?” David strode forward to grab her phone out of her hand. He read the screen and then sucked in a breath. He looked at Y/N and she could feel his pity stretch out towards her, even without looking at him.

“Oh, honey.” He said softly as he sat down beside her. “I’m so sorry.” 

She sat silently for a moment more before she shook her head, attempting and failing miserably at producing a smile. “No, it’s…it’s okay, just took me by surprise.”

There was a knock at the door, and Y/N pushed at David’s arm and stood up, taking her phone back from him. “Hubby’s here.” Her smile wavered but stayed on this time.

David stood too, and grabbed her hand. “No, don’t worry about it. We’ll stay here with you.”

Y/N scoffed. “Yes, what an amazing anniversary celebration that would be.” She shook her head when David tried to protest again. “No really, hun, I just…” she blinked back tears. “I think, I need some time alone anyway, you know?”

David sighed deeply and then nodded. “Okay, sweetie. But we’re just a phone call away if you need us, okay.”

But Y/N shook her head. “I’ll be fine, go. And happy anniversary.”  David kissed her forehead and then reluctantly walked out the door.

Y/N waited a full two minutes to make sure they weren’t coming back before she fell onto the couch and let her shaking sobs take over. 

One week later 

Come on, it will be so much fun!

Y/N read the text from Briana and shook her head before texting back. 

Really, I’m sorry. Just still feeling under the weather. Next time, though.

She could practically hear Briana sigh as she read her next text.

Okay, but we’re getting coffee on Friday and I’m not taking no for an answer. You’re gonna have to be on your deathbed to get out of going to a Starbucks with me. 

Y/N smiled in spite of herself.

Deal. See you then. Have fun tonight.

Briana answered with a heart, and Y/N tossed her phone down on the coffee table. She picked up the quart of Haagen-daz Butter Pecan Ice Cream, and shoveled another spoonful into her mouth before picking up her remote. 

Netflix bong-bonged onto her screen, and very soon Gene Kelly was singing a silky, romantic love song to Debbie Reynolds as she stood on a ladder and pretended it was a balcony.

Singing in the Rain was one of her go to comfort movies, but even the catchy music and fancy footwork of the three stars couldn’t take away the hollow feeling in her gut. So she eventually shut it off. She didn’t want to ruin the movie for herself by associating it with this terrible feeling of emptiness.

She sat in the semi-darkness of her apartment for far too long, just staring at the wall. She knew she had to get over this, over him. It was ridiculous. He didn’t deserve her time and heartache. She told herself that every day, and every day it felt like her heart crumbled a little bit more.

Y/N spent hours trying to occupy her mind with books, television, even doom scrolling social media, but it was all useless. Her mind was firmly planted elsewhere.

It was nearly three in the morning when a knock came to her door. Y/N sat up and stared at it as her stomach clenched tightly. She shook her head. It couldn’t be. Probably just some drunken idiot knocking on the wrong apartment door. The knock came again, a harder banging this time. 

And when she heard his voice, she froze completely. “Y/N come on. I know you’re in there, just open the door.” Silence, and then another hard knock. “Please, just open the door.”

She stared without moving until another flurry of loud banging was followed by the sound of her neighbor calling into the hallway.

“What the hell, man? It’s three in the morning.”

Y/N ran forward and yanked the door open. She saw the older guy across the hall scowling at Jensen. She looked at him and held up a hand. “I’m so sorry.”

He frowned and shrugged. “You okay? Need help?” He asked, giving Jensen a once over. 

Y/N smiled at him gratefully. “No, I’m fine, thanks. He’s just an inconsiderate asshole. Sorry.” She said again. She smiled at her neighbor and he nodded and went back inside. She spun back to face Jensen and felt her heart hammer like it was trying to burst from her chest. 

God dammit! Why does he always have to look like this?

He was just wearing jeans and a white and red Nirvana t-shirt but it never mattered what he was wearing, because it was all just decoration for the stunning, sexy son of a bitch underneath. 

His thighs were thick and powerful in the dark blue denim, and his biceps bulged under his short sleeves. The soft cotton stretched tightly across his chest and shoulders and made her desperate to lift it up and run her hands over his warm skin. She itched to feel the way his lower abdomen muscles tensed and hardened when she trailed her nails through the light, reddish blonde hair that sank below his waistband.

Looking at the Adonis in front of her she was suddenly, acutely, aware that she’d spilled ice cream on her t-shirt earlier, and the pajama bottoms she was wearing were incredibly comfy but very worn out. Her hair was a mess from being pulled back in a ponytail all day, and she was wearing mismatched socks. Her one saving grace was that she’d forced herself into a shower earlier that evening. 

All her thoughts raced and jumbled and tripped over themselves as she stood just inside the threshold of her apartment, staring at him.

He remained silent now, and she started getting angry. She looked into his beautiful face, and saw the same calm mask he wore all the time. That calm made her anger turn to fury. She gritted her teeth and shook her head.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing here?” She raged.

“Y/N…I need to…”

Y/N’s glare darkened. “You need? I don’t give a damn what you need!”

She realized she was the one loudly disturbing her neighbors now, and lowered her voice to a growling whisper. “Get away from me.” She felt tears prickle at the back of her eyes but refused to let them fall with him standing there. 

For a split second she saw what looked like pain enter Jensen’s expression before he shielded it away again, but she wouldn’t let it sway her.

Jensen took a deep breath and then exhaled slowly. “Please, Y/N I just need to talk to you.” He nodded and pointed around her into her apartment. “Do you mind…could I…”

He trailed off as Y/N’s eyes widened at the gaul of him. His eyes closed in a grimace when he realized he was just repeating himself from the last time he'd shown up at her door.

Y/N’s voice was ice. “You have got to be fucking kidding me.”

Jensen nodded, acknowledging that it had been a dumb request. “Look, I know you have every right to be pissed, but please hear me out.”

Y/N was already shaking her head. “I don’t wanna hear you.” She gritted her teeth, furious with herself when two fat tears escaped to roll down her cheeks. She dashed them away immediately. “Why don’t you just go home and talk to your fiance? Maybe she’ll listen to your bullshit.”

Jensen frowned slightly and shook his head; he seemed slightly confused. “No, I’m not…I’m not engaged.”

Y/N felt her stomach swoop, but she shook off the feeling. “Yeah right.” She said, loudly once again. She could hear movements from her neighbors’ apartments, so with an incredibly frustrated growl, she grabbed onto Jensen’s wrist and yanked him into her apartment. She locked the door and then leaned against it.

She shot him a disbelieving look. “So, you’re telling me that all the stories about you buying a ring, those were just what, rumors? Just a half dozen websites all deciding to lie about it, make it up?”

Jensen shook his head. “No, not exactly.” He looked down at his shoes for a beat before looking back at her. “I was shopping for a ring.”

Y/N felt her insides shredding, her stomach ached and her chest burned. Silence reigned for a moment before Y/N cleared her throat. “Lucky Tara.”

Jensen shook his head. “No, I broke things off with her.”

Y/N refused to let that sound like good news to her. It wasn’t. “Poor Tara.” She amended, her voice bitter. “I know how she feels.” 

Y/N inhaled deeply and pushed away from the door, moving into the kitchen to start making herself a cup of tea. I may need to add a few drops of brandy, she thought.

As she poured water into the kettle, she gave a humorless laugh. “Okay, so at least now I know what you’re doing here.” She put the kettle on the stove and turned on the gas before turning back to face him, arms crossed over her chest. “You couldn’t commit to her either, so now you’re back here to charm your loser ex who’ll let you back into her bed in a heartbeat.”

Jensen frowned deeply, his forehead creasing. “Of course not.”

Y/N just scoffed. “Well, why then? Why did you come back and bang on my door?”

Silence greeted her question and she assumed he was trying to come up with a plausible reason that wasn’t just, “Cause I wanna fuck you.” Eventually Jensen raised his gaze to hers, spearing her with it; his stare was intense and unblinking. 

“Because I love you. And I’m sick of lying about it.”

Y/N swore her heart stopped beating for a moment before restarting, hammering hard against her ribs. A lump formed in her throat and there was no way she could stop the tears this time. 

She shook her head and her voice was whisper soft and filled with pain. “How could you…? Why would you say that? Just to get into my pants? How could you lie to me about this?” She put her hands over her face and spun away from him. Damn him for making her weak in front of him again. 

She sobbed brokenly for a minute more, and then tried desperately to push the tears away. Suddenly she felt his hands cupping her shoulders and she jumped, turning around to face him. She shrugged off his hands, but he just moved them to cup her cheeks and thumb away her tears. 

She looked him in the eye at last and saw that his eyes were slightly moist as well. She felt her heart sway towards him but then beat the feeling down. 

He’s a fabulous actor, remember? She reminded herself.

His voice was gentle, soft, and achingly sad. “I can never make it up to you for hurting you so badly. For breaking your heart to the point that you’d truly believe I’d tell you that I loved you, just to get you into bed.”

Y/N stared up into his kelly green eyes and felt herself being reeled in as he lightly swept his thumb across her cheekbone. His gaze flickered to her mouth and he swallowed. Her mind was screaming at her not to be a fool - screaming that was quickly punctuated by the kettle’s shrill whistle, announcing that it was ready.

Y/N quickly stepped away from Jensen, removing the kettle and shutting off the stove. She didn’t make her tea. Instead, she moved back into her living room, trying to put some distance between them. 

Jensen respected her need for space and stayed in the kitchen, leaning against the island. She sat down on the arm of her big chair, facing him. She was going to prove to herself that he was lying. “Okay, you claim you love me.” She let disdain color her words so longing wouldn’t. “If you love me so much, why has it taken you this long to tell me.”

Jensen looked up at the ceiling for a moment before sighing and shaking his head. “I told you, because I’m a liar. And I haven’t lied to anyone more than I’ve lied to myself.”

Y/N folded her arms and gave him a look, eyebrows raised, that said to keep going. Jensen nodded and then moved to sit on her couch and Y/N shifted on the arm of the chair so she was facing him again.

“So, you know I was married before, right?” It was a rhetorical question and he continued without waiting for an answer. “And you know it ended badly. But…” He shrugged. “The truth is it just…existed badly.”

He sighed and rubbed his palms over his thighs; it was a tell that he was nervous, that he was having a hard time talking about this. 

“I was really young when I met Caitlyn. Just a kid, really, barely able to drink. But she was a few years older, and just…” Y/N could see him searching for the words. “...magnetic.” 

He shook his head, and his voice got distant, lost in memories. “She was like no one I’d ever known before. Beautiful yes, but so…charismatic and beguiling. She just pulled you into her. I knew at least a dozen guys in my circle who were madly in love with her. But…” He smiled a sad kind of smile. “She picked me.”

He shook his head again, ruefully. “And I fell - just hook, line, and sinker. I loved her.” He said, and then amended his words. “No, I worshiped her. I followed her around like a puppy, and I’d do anything she asked, without question.”

He was quiet a moment, rubbing his fingers absentmindedly over his lips, before he continued, his voice a little bit sharper. “But as it turned out, on top of everything else she was, she was also just…mean. Manipulative.” 

He looked into Y/N’s eyes and she could see the remembered pain reflected there. “She cheated on me.” He scoffed. “A lot, actually. But every time I’d confront her about it, she’d tell me it was my fault. That I forced her into his arms because I didn’t show her that she was loved. She’d cry and tell me that all she wanted was my love, that she craved it.”

Y/N felt her heart break for the younger Jensen, and she began to understand his response when she’d told him she loved him and was leaving because he wouldn’t love her back.

Jensen gripped his hands together, the knuckles turning white. “So, I worked harder to show her how much I loved her. I would literally do whatever she asked of me, I would be anyone she wanted me to be, just so she’d know I was devoted to her, that she was everything to me.”

He ran a hand over his face. “I’d like to say that I was smart, that I eventually caught on to her games and her deceit and left her. But,” he shrugged, “no. After three years of marriage, she left me. I paid her alimony until six years ago when she finally remarried. Some doctor from Beverly Hills.” He exhaled a laugh. “Good luck, buddy.”

He stood up and began walking around Y/N’s living room and kitchen in a loop. She got dizzy trying to watch him, so she sank down onto the seat of the chair and just listened. 

“For years after our divorce, I was heartbroken, devastated. I had no idea what I’d done, I obsessed over what I could have done differently to make her stay. Took me a long time, it was years after she left, before I started to understand just who she really was, and that I’d never been anything but a game to her. So, I made a vow to myself.” 

He took a deep breath. “I swore that I would never fall like that again. That I would never let myself love someone like that again, never let someone control me that way.”

He finally stopped pacing and walked into the kitchen. Y/N turned her head to watch him and realized quickly that he was making her a cup of tea. The gesture made her heart squeeze. He continued speaking as he poured the boiling water over the tea bag. 

“And for over a decade, I succeeded at keeping every woman at arms length. We could have fun, I’d take them to openings, or parties, and we’d have a good time. But that was it, I never wanted anything more, and if they began hinting that they might, I said goodbye and moved on.”

He poured cream into her tea and stirred it, bringing it to her before sitting down across from her on the couch once again. He smiled, warm and wistful, as he caught her gaze. “Then you walked onto set.” He shook his head. “You were so unbelievably beautiful, and funny, and unfailingly kind to everyone. And I started to panic. And that’s when I started to lie to myself. I thought, ‘Hey, we can be friends - I’m allowed to have female friends.” 

He gave a rueful laugh. “Then I kissed you at midnight on new year’s eve, and proved that was a lie. I kissed you, and I instantly wanted…” His gaze turned warm. “...wanted more.” He looked down at the ground and continued. 

“But after I left you that night, I went home and swore that that was it. Nothing else was going to happen. It was just a kiss. You were beautiful, it wasn’t crazy that I wanted something physical with you. But that was it, that’s where it ended.” He closed his eyes briefly before continuing. “More lies. I knew then that it was so much more than a physical connection, but I was a very determined liar. Then the next day you asked me what the kiss meant, and did it mean we were gonna try and be together. And I said yes, without thinking, without hesitation.”

He crossed his arms. “And that’s when the fear really set it. You’d managed to get me to change my mind about us immediately. When you asked, I immediately caved. Just because I wanted to be with you, and because I wanted to make you happy. That feeling, of wanting to do anything to make someone smile? That feeling scared the holy hell out of me.” 

“So,” he rolled his eyes, “I began a whole year of lying to myself, and to you. A year of telling myself I could hold back from you, I wouldn’t let you get under my skin the way Caitlyn had, I’d keep you at arms length.” He shrugged. “All lies. Because you were already burrowed so deep under my skin there was no way I was getting you out. But also…”

He stared at Y/N for a moment, before getting up and moving to sit on the coffee table right in front of her, picking up her hands and holding them in his. 

The whole time he’d been talking Y/N had remained silent, looking for the signs that would tell her he was lying, that he was exaggerating, or embellishing. But she couldn’t see any signs of dishonesty. Her scarred heart was still echoing a warning, but it was becoming more and more distant. As he held her hands in his she felt her pulse pick up again. 

God, he smells good.

“Mostly I was lying to myself that you were anything like Caitlyn. I was lying to myself, warning myself to avoid a danger that didn’t exist. It took me until about a week ago to figure that out.” He closed his eyes and shook his head. “Cause I’m a dumbass.”

Y/N couldn’t help the small, watery laugh that escaped her lips. He smiled gently at her, and then cupped her cheek again, running his thumb across her bottom lip and making her shiver. “You’ve spent the entire time I’ve known you, two years now, showing me over and over that you were nothing like her, you even told me, the day you left, that you weren’t her.” 

He squinted. “I hadn’t told you much of anything about my marriage, so I was so surprised to hear you say that. How did you know?”

Y/N shrugged a shoulder. “It wasn’t hard to glean that someone had hurt you. People don’t usually fight that hard to keep from being hurt unless they’ve already felt the pain of it.”

Jensen gazed at her in awe, his eyes roaming all across her face. “God I love you.”

This time when he said it, Y/N’s tears were all happy. She believed him. She believed he was a dumbass. She believed it took him two years to figure out she loved him without strings. She believed that now that he’d figured it out his heart was free. And she believed him when he said he loved her. But her heart still rejoiced when he continued.

“I mean it, Y/N. I love you. I love you completely. You are everything to me, and that doesn’t scare me at all anymore. Because I know I’m safe with you.”

Jensen’s expression turned worried and remorseful. “But I also know how badly I hurt you by running away like a coward last time. I just panicked again at how easily you could grab hold of me and make me forget everything. I was laying there with you, and you were so peaceful and so supremely beautiful in my arms, and I just started to imagine my life with you, and the joy I felt thinking about it,” he sighed, “made me bolt.”

He brought the back of her hand to his lips, kissing each knuckle in turn. “But I’m so sorry, sweetheart. I’m so sorry.”

He looked up at her through his lashes and his pleading gaze was irresistible. “Forgive me, please?” He turned her hand over and pressed his lips to the pulse point on her wrist. “Love me again?”

Y/N’s breath was shallow as she shook her head. “It’s not possible to love you again.” She paused for a heartbeat and then smiled and ran her free hand through his soft, silky hair. “Because I’ve never stopped.”

The relief flowing through Jensen’s body was so palpable she could feel it. He grasped the collar of her t-shirt and pulled her forward. He paused, hovering his mouth over hers.

“Can I kiss you now?”

Y/N didn’t hesitate to nod emphatically and Jensen chuckled as he settled his lips on hers. 

He kissed her deeply, as he’d kissed her a thousand times before. His mouth was sinful and wicked as he slid it down her neck, before he pulled off her t-shirt and groaned at the fact that she was naked underneath.

Before long, he scooped her up and carried her to her room. The scene was reminiscent of his last visit to her apartment, but that didn’t worry her now. Because she realized something as he laid her down on her bed and his hands moved over her, palms rough, fingers strong and talented, sending waves of goosebumps rippling over her skin.

She realized that every moment he’d spent with her like this, every single time they’d been together, his every move was calculated to give her pleasure. He was never selfish. He never took her to bed without showering ecstasy upon her. Every moment he was with her, he was touching her in soft, gentle ways, and sometimes not so gentle ways, but always bringing on climax after climax, and making her feel absolute bliss. 

As he brought her to new heights and pushed her over the pinnacle yet again, she understood that he’d never been lying in these moments. These moments were the times that he’d shown her over and over just how much he actually loved her.

***

Hours later Y/N was laying in Jensen’s arms, satiated and glowing; Jensen was rubbing his big hand up and down her back, as she snuggled into his side. Suddenly a thought occurred to her, and she just had to know.

“Hey, what was it that finally made you realize…well, everything you realized? I mean what shifted for you?”

Jensen growled a bit and Y/N shifted so she was looking at him as he answered. “I saw you with your date.”

“My date?” She asked quizzically. 

“At the studio party three weeks ago. I was there, I saw you with that…guy.” He said, and Y/N heard the jealousy.

“At the Warner Brothers party?” She clarified.

“Yeah, I saw you with him, and went a little crazy. I started thinking about how he was going to end up with you, how he was gonna have everything I wanted. That was when I realized just how badly I’d been lying to myself, and how delusional I’d been about the person you were. Made me realize I was gonna miss out on the best thing in my life cause I was such a dumbass.”

He looked at her, concern creeping into his eyes. “I’m gonna assume since you’re here in bed with me, that you’re not with him anymore?”

Y/N felt like laughing, but instead she shook her head solemnly. “No, sadly it didn’t work out between us.” She raised an eyebrow. “His HUSBAND wouldn’t have approved of him dating me.”

It took Jensen a minute to catch up. When he did his eyes widened. “Oh!” He said, and then broke into a huge smile. “I really am a dumbass aren’t I? I’m gonna assume that was David? Your best friend from high school, the one that got married last year?”

Y/N pursed her lips and nodded. “Yes. It was.” She rolled her eyes, and then narrowed them. “Anyway, which one of us has the right to be jealous here? You, over my gay best friend? Or me, over you and your almost fiancee?”

“Hmm…” Jensen shook his head and then leaned over the side of the bed, rifling through his clothes on the floor. Y/N shifted off of him, sitting up and tucking the sheet around her nakedness to shield her from the chill of moving away from Jensen’s warm skin..

When Jensen sat back up he held something in his closed fist and wore a sheepish grin. “Actually, Tara and I were never really exclusive, and I broke things off with her completely the night of the WB party.” He shrugged. “I didn’t go ring shopping until a couple weeks after that, little over a week ago.”

Y/N was frowning, slightly confused, but her heart was leaping and her stomach was doing somersaults.

Jensen chuckled. “Took me all of this last week to work up the courage to come here and try to get you to give me another chance. I brought this along with me, just in case I was really lucky.”

He opened his fist and laying on his wide palm, was a small gold ring with a large diamond on top.

Y/N’s eyes bulged and her throat bobbed up and down as she swallowed a million times, still unable to stop the flow of tears streaming from her eyes. Jensen caught her gaze, and she’d never seen him so open, every defense had fallen, and all his vulnerability was on display as he picked up the delicate ring in his big, thick fingers and held it out to her. 

“I love you more than I can ever properly express. And I don’t deserve it, but I’m gonna ask you anyway. Please, Y/N, marry me?”

Y/N was nodding wildly, a simple “yes” quite beyond her capabilities as she held out her left hand for him to take. He pushed the ring onto her fourth finger and it fit perfectly, as though it had been just waiting to slide home. 

Y/N screeched and jumped at Jensen. He caught her, laughing, as her arms wrapped tightly around his neck. She ended up losing her sheet in the process - leading to another chance for Jensen to show her just how much he loved her.

1 - Jensen RPF + Any/All characters Jensen plays. @lyarr24 @deans-spinster-witch @impalaslytherin @maggiegirl17 @akshi8278 @candy-coated-misery0731 @deanswaywardgirl @slytherinlyn314 @globetrotter28 @jensensgirl @perpetualabsurdity @tristanrosspada-ackles @djs8891 @muhahaha303 @kayyay1219 @emily-winchester @recoveringpastaaddict @maximumkillshot @mimaria420 @sacriceria @envyaurora95 @lacilou @jc-winchester @spnwoman @mimi-luvzyu @jackles010378

3 - Any/All Fics (regardless of fandom/character.) @kazsrm67 @sexyvixen7 @alexxavicry @nancymcl @spalady26

4 - Everything (includes fan vid/DOOL edits as well) @unabashed-lover-of-fictional-men @maliburenee @supernatural4life2022 @spn730015 @kickingitwithkirk @waywardbaby @foxyjwls007 @deanwanddamons @deandreamernp @deanwithscissors @myloversgone @snowlovespie @leigh70 @all-alone-he-turns-to-stone @charred-angelwings @hopefuldreamers-world @jensensgotyoudean @thoughts-and-funnies @magssteenkamp @princessmisery666 @eevvvaa @mishkatelwarriorgoddess @waynes-multiverse @mrsjenniferwinchester @bernasaurus @jensenslady79 @courtn92 @avanatural @ellie-andthemachine @this-is-me19 @roseblue373 @katbratsupernaturalwhore @fanfic-n-tabulous @k-slla

[my-proof-is-you]

Now That We Don’t Talk - Part 1

Summary: When you started dating Jensen Ackles, things were damn near perfect. You were so compatible, and you fit into his life seamlessly. After Supernatural ended, though, Jensen got a new job. Pretty soon, Jensen also got a new life. And you no longer fit in it.

Jensen x You

Inspired by the song Now That We Don’t Talk by Taylor Swift

Masterlist

You

You sat the last box down in your living room with a grunt. You’d been lugging boxes into your new apartment all day, and you were exhausted. You let your tired body fall back onto the couch, sinking into the soft cushions. 

You looked around the room filled with cardboard and the few pieces of furniture you had. You could feel the tears threatening to fill your eyes, and bit your lip to stop them. You pulled out your phone, tapping the name of the only person you could think to call at that moment. 

“Hi, baby, how are you doing?” your mom answered on the second ring.

You sighed. “I’ve been better,” you replied, rubbing a hand down your face.

“This really is for the best, you know?” she said, and you could almost picture the sympathetic look she’d have on her face. 

“Is it? Cause right now it feels just…horrible.”

“Yes, Y/N, it is. He changed, and you are not the only one who noticed.”

You sighed again. “Thanks, Momma. I better get unpacking. Love you.”

“Love you too, Bug. Pour yourself a glass of wine and just try to relax.”

You smiled as you hung up. Your mom truly was your best friend. You’d called her right after you broke up with Jensen and she’d talked you through it the best she could from nearly a thousand miles away. 

After you’d moved to Austin to be with Jensen, you saw your mom a lot less than you’d liked. It was tempting to move back home after the breakup, but you had a job that you really loved, and you just couldn’t bring yourself to leave it. 

You had friends nearby, too. The only problem was that Jensen was the one who introduced you to them, which made you feel a little uncomfortable. Gen had already reached out to you. She’d left a message wanting to get together to hang out. You hadn’t responded yet. You just weren’t sure if you could handle the inevitable conversation she’d want to have about the breakup.

You pulled out your corkscrew and a wine glass from your box labeled “kitchen” and opened the bottle of white wine you’d gotten on your quick grocery trip earlier in the day. As you took your first sip, you sat down again and let your mind wander to the beginnings of your relationship with Jensen. 

Two Years Earlier - You

It had been by chance that you’d met the green-eyed actor at a coffee shop in your small town of Salida, Colorado. He’d been on his way home from a fan convention in Denver and had taken a wrong turn. He’d wanted to make the long drive alone to clear his head, and you’d learn later how stubborn he was about using the GPS on his phone. 

He’d come into the coffee shop you frequented to get some caffeine and directions. You’d recognized him, of course, since you were a fan of Supernatural. You’d always kept up with the show, but you weren’t a big enough fan to have gone to the convention. 

“Excuse me, miss,” you heard, looking up from your laptop in surprise. Though you’d noticed him enter the shop immediately, you’d never expected him to talk to you. 

“I’m on my way back to Texas, and I think I’m a little lost. I don’t have any service on my phone, but I’m using the Wi-Fi here to look at Google Maps.”

You nodded, listening to his explanation while still wondering why he was talking to you of all people. 

“Can you take a look and tell me if this is a good route back to I-25?” he asked, giving you a dazzling smile. You returned it, and took his phone. 

“Sure,” you said, looking at the route his phone was going to take him. It looked fine, which only added to your confusion at the question he was asking you. Surely the app could tell Jensen what the fastest or easiest route was.

“That is a good option,” you said, handing him his phone back. “And when you go through Trinidad, there’s a great little barbecue place off Main Street you should check out. Awesome pulled pork and even better cheese fries.”

He nodded, his eyes surprised. “Thanks—“ he paused, stretching out his hand in an invitation to shake yours.

“Y/N,” you responded, placing your hand in his calloused one.

“Y/N,” he repeated. “I’m Jensen.” 

“I know,” you said with a smirk. He let out a chuckle and stood there for another moment, as if deciding something. 

“Would it be weird if I asked to buy you a cup of coffee?” he asked finally.

“Hmm, I have coffee,” you replied, glancing at the paper cup in front of you. He seemed to deflate a little, and you quickly continued. “But I would love a scone.”

He smiled again, giving you a wink as he headed to the counter. After he bought your scone and his own coffee, he returned to your table where he asked if he could join you.

You made small talk for a little bit. You told him you liked his show; he asked you about your life in Salida; you joked easily with each other. Before you knew it, a couple of hours had gone by. 

“Well, I really should get going. I have a long drive ahead of me,” Jensen said, leaning back in his chair. 

“Yeah, good idea,” you responded. You had really enjoyed your talk with him, even if it was just a random moment in your life and you never saw him again.

“Do you think I could see you again?” he asked, looking a little nervous. It was very cute, especially since he was a famous actor. 

“Might be a little tough, what with living a thousand miles apart,” you said with a smirk. You saw his shoulders sink a little. “How about I give you my number. If you ever want to talk, I’ll answer.”

“Hmm,” he said, nodding. “It’s not ideal, but I’ll take what I can get, sweetheart.” 

You smiled coyly and put your number in his phone. “It was great to meet you, Jensen. I hope we meet again.”

“Oh, I think we will, Y/N,” he said confidently. You shook your head with a smile as he backed away from the table and out the door.  I will never hear from him again, you thought as you watched him get into his car that was parked on the street. Little did you know, one day later he would prove you wrong.

Forevers:

@divadinag @lynne1993 @awesome-badass-cafeteria-sauce​  @onethirstyunicorn @sammykb1994 @lilulo-12 @mellorine-paprika @tranquility-or-chaos @collette04 @hoboal87 @chevyharvelle @miraclesoflove @defenderrosetyler @babypink224221 @calaofnoldor @beatifuldisaster018 @coffeebooksandfandom @supernatural3002 @lainxcas @mylovelydame21 @mrsdeanfuckingwinchester @lovely-lynns-likes @ppeachygemss @screechingartisancashbailiff @metalfangirl @vicmc624 @polina-93 @hobby27 @sexyvixen7 @unnuevosoltransformalarealidad @lyarr24 @amelia-song-pond @donnaintx @spnbaby-67 @traceyaudette @gh0stgurl @fiftyshadesgrl @tapedeck-hearts @lacilou @foxyjwls007 @stoneyggirl2

[evansbby]

𝐬𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐭 𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥 {𝐩𝐨𝐲𝐭 𝐝𝐫𝐚𝐛𝐛𝐥𝐞}

𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: dark alpha!Steve Rogers x naive omega!reader

𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: smut, dark!Steve, daddy kink, misogyny, alcohol consumption, mentions of: inebriation, dubcon, noncon, innocence kink, thigh riding, dry humping, public sex, a/b/o dynamics.

𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: Steve takes his omega to her first college party. (A drabble for my fic, preying on you tonight. This drabble is set after Steve mates with omega, but before she finds out she’s pregnant.)

“Steve, I’m kind of scared.”

The words fall past your lips in a soft whisper, and you clutch harder onto Steve’s hand, practically burying yourself beside him as you both make your way towards the frat house. Already, the party seems to have spilled out onto the lawn – there’s beer cans littered everywhere, a pool filled to the brim with half-naked people and even two alphas fighting while a crowd forms around them. You’re scared to find out what’s happening inside the frat house.

Steve snorts, “Why would you be scared? Haven’t you ever been to a party before?”

Your silence is enough to answer the question – and you can’t help but feel embarrassed. Already more than halfway through your first year in college, and you haven’t even been to a frat party. But it barely seems like your kind of get-together anyways.

“What if people make fun of me?” You ask him, your other hand reaching up to clutch his muscular bicep.

“They wouldn’t make fun of you, omega. You’re with me.”

You grimace, looking down at your outfit for the night. You didn’t really own any party clothes, or anything even remotely sexy like a bodycon dress or the pretty crop tops that you see the girls around you wearing. And earlier, Steve had barged into the bedroom, announcing he was taking you to his friend Thor’s house and barely giving you any time to pick a proper outfit.

You were dressed in your white cashmere sweater and matching pink and white pleated skirt – something Steve had picked out for you to wear to the lecture that morning, and certainly not appropriate party attire. Already, you could see some girls sneering at you, and laughing, and staring, and –

“Can’t do this, Steve.” You stop dead in your tracks, anxiety rising like a tidal wave from within you, and you look up at your alpha pleadingly “They’re gonna laugh at me.”

Steve looks bored as he tugs you along, “If they do then I’ll kill them with my bare hands,” He says casually, pushing you forward so that you’re standing in front of him with his palm pressing against your lower back, “Even if it’s a girl.”

You have no idea what to make of his casual confession that he’d beat up a girl for you, so you just keep your lips pressed in a thin line and let him guide you to the front of the frat house. Scratch that, the place might as well be a haunted house with how fast your heart’s beating as you both approach the door.

Standing silently under Steve’s arm while he greets his alpha friends is easy enough. They’re loud, obnoxious and misogynistic – much like Steve himself. Some of them don’t even acknowledge you, others give you leery looks when they think Steve isn’t looking. A freshman – same as you – who you recognise from the football team, is one of the few alphas who greets you.

“Hey. How’re you doing?”

You’re about to open your mouth to answer, heart pitter-pattering because someone’s actually spoken to you, but Steve beats you to it.

“Jensen, stop fucking flirting with my girlfriend.” Steve seethes, a look of pure irritation on his face as he wraps his arm around your waist and yanks you closer, “In fact, don’t even look at her. Go stand in that fucking corner over there. No, not there. There.” He shakes his head in disapproval, watching as Jake obeys his orders, “I swear, that kid is fucking useless. God knows how he got on the team.”

“He wasn’t flirting, Steve. He was just saying hi.” You murmur, feeling bad for the guy. From what you’ve seen, Steve tends to pick on him a lot.

Heated blue eyes look down at you, “Do you want to fuck him?”

Aghast, you shake your head, “What? No! No, I don’t–”

“Then don’t fucking speak on the matter. You know you’re not allowed to talk to any other guy and they aren’t allowed to talk to you.”

You bow your head, squeaking out an apology because you don’t really want to see Steve get angry right now. And the blonde immediately relaxes once he sees your display of submission, slipping on his charming smile how one would slip on a mask, leaving you wondering how exactly it is that he does that…

Steve’s friend Thor looks friendly enough, but still intimidating with how he’s got a beer can in each hand, one of which he offers to you. And Steve doesn’t seem to have a problem with Thor speaking to you, maybe because the other alpha has a redhead next to him who he introduces as his girlfriend, Natasha.

“No, thank you.” You answer politely as the huge blond holds a beer up to your face, “I don’t drink.”

Thor rumbles with laughter, “You’re in your first year, kid – of course you don’t drink. That’ll change soon, mark my words.”

Natasha slaps her boyfriend on the chest, “Oh, shut up, babe, stop trying to act all wise.”

You gape at the two of them, waiting for Thor to reprimand her but all he does it throw his head back and laugh. You can’t believe it! How has Natasha gotten away with talking to her alpha like that? You can’t imagine ever telling Steve to shut up – he’d probably spank your ass raw before you even got the first syllable out.

Steve pulls you into a secluded corner, pushing you up against the wall, “You don’t drink, huh? I didn’t know that.”

You shake your head, “Alcohol is scary.” Your mind momentarily flits back to some of your mother’s old boyfriends, the stench of alcohol on them, how mad they would get… You blink several times to get rid of the memories, “Plus, it doesn’t taste very nice.”

“So your tolerance is probably very low, huh?” Steve licks his pink lips, grinding his hard crotch into yours and you feel your face getting hot.

“Um, I guess…”

“Bet I could give you one of those fruity drinks – a cocktail with a cute umbrella. It’d taste like juice and you’d be none the wiser…” His lips are at your ear, and you can’t understand why he’s suddenly so hard over the thought of giving you a drink. You feel his teeth grazing against your ear lobe, his hand slipping down to grab your ass, “Bet you’d be all needy and stumbling all over the place after three sips…”

“P-Please don’t do that.” The thought of being drunk in front of all these people, of not being in control of your body and conscious – you can’t think of anything worse.

“You’d be completely dependent on me,” Steve presses his hips against you again, practically humping into you as your skirt begins to ride up and you squeak and scramble to pull it back down. “I mean, you’re already completely dependent on me, but just imagine how slutty you’d become after just one drink.” He licks the shell of your ear, “I know from experience that omegas get horny when they’re drunk. Bet you’d let me fuck you right here in the middle of the party – in front of everyone.”

“N-No, don’t want that!” You mewl softly, hating how you’re soaking through your panties as you listen to his words, feel his hand grope its way up your cardigan and past your bra.

“Mm, I think you do want it.” He peppers kisses up your neck and jaw, “Maybe on top of the snooker table? And fucking Jensen would probably cry, I know how bad he wants to fuck you.”

“P-Please stop, people can see us!” You beg him when you feel his hand going up your skirt, skimming over your panties which are completely drenched.

“C’mon baby, let daddy give you a little drink. One won’t hurt,” He teases you softly, “Don’t you trust me? Don’t you trust your alpha?”

Did you trust him? You weren’t too sure, not when he’d just revealed his plan of inebriating you and fucking you on the snooker table in front of everyone. All that did was scare you and make you want to run for the hills.

“Hey Steve, Thor and the other guys are calling you.” Natasha pops up, seemingly from out of nowhere, and you can’t help but breathe a sigh of relief. Steve, however, looks irritated beyond belief.

“Fuck off,” He says, not even dignifying her with eye contact as he continues to kiss your neck, “Can’t you see I’m busy?”

Natasha shrugs sweetly, “The guys wanna play beer pong and they need you to make it equal teams. And anyways,” She looks at you now, “Me and your girlfriend could get ourselves better acquainted.”

“She doesn’t want to be friends with you,” Steve answers for you, and you wish he didn’t because Natasha seems – cool. And fearless, the way she’s talking to the alphas as if she’s not afraid of them. How is that even possible?

But surprisingly, he gives in. And after pressing his lips against yours in the most possessive, head-spinning kiss he’s ever given you, he makes his way over to the other end of the room, immediately declaring himself captain and handpicking his beer pong team-members.

Natasha chuckles and shakes her head, “Steve’s bossy, isn’t he? Even for an alpha.”

Your breath catches in your throat, not wanting to say anything bad about Steve. The bond you share with him has also given you an unwavering loyalty to him. But you’re also scared that if you do agree with Natasha, and it somehow gets back to Steve, that he’d be mad.

The redhead grabs your arm, “And you’re ever bit as shy as Steve is outspoken.” And then she’s tugging you towards the stairs, “C’mon, let’s go upstairs. The music’s so loud down here, I can barely hear you.”

You let her pull you upstairs, heart thudding because what if she’s mean to you? But she seems nice enough, way nicer than the other girls who fraternise with the popular alphas. You look back to take one last look at Steve, and somehow, across the room filled with people, he seems to look back at you at the same time. But then Natasha tugs you upstairs and into one of the rooms.

“This is Thor’s room, but I’m here most of the time so it’s kind of my room too.” You can tell, the room has an omega’s touch. Flowery sheets adorn the bed, as well as tons of blankets and pillows, meticulously folded and arranged. Your hands itch for your own nest, packed with your own pillows and an assortment of Steve’s clothes and, of course, Steve Junior.

“It’s nice.” You say softly.

“Mmhm,” The redhead looks you over, “Cute outfit.”

“Thank you. Although I know it’s not party appropriate.”

“It’s still cute. I could see about five different guys staring at you when you and Steve walked in earlier.”

You gulp, “That’s not true.”

Natasha flops down on her bed with a loud thud, “Girl, please. Look at yourself. You’re like an alpha’s wet dream. No wonder Steve mated you as soon as he got the chance.”

You bite your lip, scrunching your eyes shut momentarily as memories of the forced mating come rushing back. Instinctively, your hand reaches up to touch your mark, which throbs as if on cue. Suddenly, Natasha’s next to you, arm around you.

“Sorry,” She whispers, “I can tell you don’t wanna talk about that.” And then her voice brightens, and you know it’s in a bid to change the topic quickly and you’re appreciative of that, “Hey, wanna play dress-up?”

“D-Dress-up?” You swallow harshly again, looking down at your outfit which your alpha handpicked, “Steve wouldn’t want me to.”

Natasha wrinkles her nose, “So? Honey, men don’t know what they want. That’s one of the ways us ladies can control them – with our bodies, our clothes.”

“C-Control them?” The idea seems so far-fetched, almost comical. You control Steve? You can’t picture it, not in a billion years.

“Yes. For example, this preppy outfit you’ve got on now – you could have half the alphas at this party eating out of the palm of your hand with how cute you look.” Natasha walks you forward till you’re standing in front of the full-length mirror, stroking your hair as you look at your reflection, “As for Steve, I’d love to see his reaction if you wore something totally different and risqué.”

You press your lips together as you regard the idea, “I don’t think I own anything risqué.”

Natasha grins, “Don’t sweat it. I do.”

Within the next twenty minutes, Natasha has you decked out in a black bodycon dress, tight and ruched, almost like a second skin, with the neckline dipping down to reveal more than a hint of your cleavage. She’s even done your makeup: a smoky eye and berry-coloured lip. And wow, you actually feel… sexy.

“Fuck. You’re genuinely so hot.” Natasha whistles, and for a split second, this awful feeling courses through your veins. What if this is all a cruel practical joke? But Natasha’s smile looks so genuine, you can’t help but relax.

“You think so?” You ask her softly.

“I know so.”

“Thank you.”

But your confidence seems to dwindle when you and Natasha make your way downstairs once more. What if Steve didn’t like your new look? What if he yelled at you in front of everyone? Called you a slut like how he used to? You can feel your palms grow all sweaty, but the redhead pulls you back into the main room anyways.

“He’s gonna have literal hearts in his eyes, trust me.” She whispers in your ear, “I’ve worn that dress for Thor and he loves it.”

Steve’s team has won the beer pong game, and he’s currently downing a bottle in celebration when you make your way over to him. It’s crazy, but in the twenty or so minutes you’ve been upstairs, you’ve actually missed him, your body yearning for him as it always does. You tug at his sweater, wanting to feel his heavy arm around you again.

“Hey, baby, you missed the best game–” Steve cuts himself off, jaw slackening slightly before he quickly closes his mouth, blue eyes open and alert as he looks you up and down, gaze so fiery and intense, you feel like he’ll bore holes straight through your body. “What the fuck are you wearing?”

Any confidence you may have had seems to dissipate almost immediately, and you shake your head, backing away, “I-I’m sorry, I know it looks stupid. I’ll go change–”

But he grabs you, beer forgotten as the bottle clatters to the floor, and then he’s dragging you back to the secluded corner, one hand covering your cleavage and the other one tugging at the hem of your dress, trying to pull it down over your ass. You’d find it almost comical if you weren’t scared out of your mind.

“You look…” He slams you against the wall, licking his lips and it’s as if he can’t tear his eyes away from your body, looking you up and down, up and then back down again, paying special attention to your cleavage, “You look so fucking hot.”

Oh.

You barely have time to squeak out a thank you before his lips are on you, latching onto your neck and straight to his favourite spot – your mark. Tonguing it, lathering it with his saliva before grazing his teeth against it, almost as if he wants to mark you again, mark his territory.

“But I didn’t give you permission to dress like a slut, did I, omega?”

“N-No, but – Ah!” You gasp when you feel his leg between yours, parting your thighs and your already wet core throbs at the contact against the rough denim of his jeans.

“My slutty little baby omega,” Steve coos, sponging kissing up your neck as he begins to move his leg against your pussy, making you gasp and moan and whimper in the process, “You like that everyone’s staring at your hot little body, don’t you? Your body which belongs to me?” His palm collides with your ass with a loud smack, “I mean, look at Jensen, over there in his corner. Bet that little douchebag’s busted a nut in his pants after seeing you in this little outfit. Do you like that, huh? Done being all meek and shy? You like being a slutty, attention-seeking omega now?”

“N-No!” Your words keep getting caught in your throat with how good his leg feels as it drives up against your pussy, the denim catching onto your clit and creating the most delicious friction, “W-Wore it for you, Steve! Th-Thought maybe you’d like it.”

“I’d like it better on the floor,” He whispers hotly in your ear, hands coming down to rest tightly on your hips as he begins to move you on his thigh. And your body is so compliant to his hold, the dress riding up till it’s practically bunched around your waist, your panties pushed to the side by his impatient fingers, your bare pussy leaving streaks of wetness on his jeans but neither of you seem to care.

“Want me to rip this slutty dress off you, huh, omega? Embarrass you in front of everyone at this party, make you walk out of here in just your panties? Since you suddenly like to show off your body so fucking much?”

“I…I thought you’d like it – ah! – something different!” You pant.

Fear ripples through you at his threat, mingling with the pleasure already coursing through your veins as you ride Steve’s muscular thigh. The lights are dim, but you can see over his shoulder: at least five pairs of eyes are staring at what’s going on. You recognise Jake, Andy and – of course – Bucky, amongst them.

“Where’s my sweet and innocent little omega, huh?” He tweaks your nipple through the thin fabric of your dress, and you can feel your climax looming closer and closer, “Where’s daddy’s baby, who’s so shy, she didn’t want anyone seeing her body?”

You’re already fucked out, but his hypocrisy shines through – because aren’t all the dresses and skirts he makes you wear to lectures almost just as slutty? They’re just more pastel-coloured and cutesy. Oh, to understand how Steve’s mind works…

“I like this slutty dress on you, omega.” Steve presses his lips against yours, before drawing back, “But I don’t like how everyone’s staring at what’s mine.” He gives your ass another hard slap, driving you forward and making you grind your pussy harder on his leg, practically dry-humping him for all you’re worth. “But don’t worry baby, daddy’s gonna buy you more dresses like this. You can play dress-up at home, too. In the privacy of our fucking bedroom.”

He begins moving his leg, grinding it into your sensitive, soaking pussy. Your clit, so engorged with pleasure, is almost overwhelmed by the sensations, and you bite down on Steve’s shoulder to keep from moaning out loud. You can’t believe it, never in a million years did you think this would be you – getting off on Steve’s thigh in the middle of some frat party that’s in full swing.

“That’s right, baby. Make yourself cum on daddy’s thigh. Not even a drop of alcohol in you, and you’re still acting like a fucking slut. But I know deep down you’re still my cute little baby omega, who dresses in the cute outfits your daddy buys you. My sweet girl, aren’t you?”

“Mhm, yes, daddy!” You can’t help but whimper as your orgasm crashes over you, and you continue to hump against his thigh as you ride out your bliss, the entire roomful of people forgotten, the pairs of nosey eyes watching you all forgotten too in your release, moaning his name over and over as you wet the denim of his jeans even more.

“That’s my little baby,” Steve praises you, practically holding you up against the wall as you go lax in his arms, “My baby in this fucking dress with your hot fucking body on display. God, I don’t know whether to fuck you or punish you.”

Either or both, he seems to have made up his mind that the night is over. Without saying goodbye to his friends, and not even giving you a chance to say goodbye to Natasha, he half carries and half drags you out the door, and you can’t help but breathe a sigh of relief, the veil of anxiety lifting off your heart as you get away from all the people.

“You really put on a show tonight, didn’t you, omega?” Steve remarks as he carries you over to his car, “Can’t wait to order some more slutty dresses for you, so you can give me a private show.” He gives you a kiss before opening the door and placing you into the passenger seat, and you smile faintly until you hear his next words:

“Oh, and you’re not allowed to speak to Natasha anymore. Clearly, she’s a bad influence on you.”

THE END

a/n: omg, someone stop me from writing poyt drabbles! but they’re so much fun to write ahhhh! forever in love with steve and omega’s dynamic, and i wanted to explore them doing normal college things like going to parties! PLEASE, please do tell me what you think! your feedback means more than the world!!! thank you so much for reading! love you guys xx

[disabled-dean]

...what did misha do this time?

Tldr he's not being normal about gay people but also telling us he's an ally with the biggest, wettest eyes.

No it's part of the con thing where it seems like he's kind of split down the middle with giving thoughtful, earnest responses about destiel and queer baiting, and making jokes about how he and Jensen couldn't actually film any content because Jensen's dick would get hard about it. Which is. Uh. Not a punchline.

But it is also an insane way to fumble the opportunity to show how much of an ally to queer rights and queer rep he can be.

It's hitting people different, but as a bisexual "man" personally I'm like, you know what actually I am more interested in hearing about how Misha, as a straight man and ally to the queer community, would navigate filming an intimate love scene with a close male friend. Particularly after years of push pull between queerbaiting and homophobia from the network, and the way that that has probably affected their experiences on the show and their relationship with eachother. That's an interesting challenge to conceptualize for an actor, and it's an opportunity for him to be totally normal about this question and answer it the way he would if his costar was a woman.

Because the jokes *can* sort of throw a wink to the audience like, I get it I'm in on the joke, I'm cool with gay stuff, and a lot of people do just take them as fun and silly, but it's very much also behaving like real life homosexuality is not within the circle of "normal".

Imagine if Misha Collins was answering a question about filming a kiss with- let's say Daneel- and his response was something like, "oh Daneel couldn't handle that because everytime we hug her p*ssy gets wet (insane thing to type. Insane thing to say). AND he said it on stage at a convention- it would come off as a super not normal response to that question.

So it's like, "othering", right? This idea we have in dynamics of privilege and power where some people are on the inside of the circle and some people are on the outside. And joking about that does acknowledge the outside, and it's better then being like, "fuck those homos", but its not the same thing as representing queer people as like, people. To show like, I can answer this question in a normal was because queer experiences are normal.

But taking it in this other direction, of like, humor and shock value. Sure it makes Misha Collins trend and we have fun on the internet about it, but it also contributes to this very widespread and still growing belief that being queer is different. It's illiciate. It's titillating.

And the joke specifically about like, I can't film a scene with Jenses because his dick would get hard, sure a lot of us hear that and are like, "haha cockles" or "haha cockles (platonic) and we give Misha a lot of leeway because it *feels* like he's giving us representation with that, but what he is actually saying, what people who do not think "haha cockles" are hearing is, "I cannot film an intimate scene with my male co star because his dick would get hard about it (derogatory)" which unfortunately is like a pretty straight shot towards gay panic laws and shit like that.

Do I think Misha personally believes that using someone's sexuality is a justifiable defense for manslaughter? Absolutely the fuck not. But I also believe that he's smart and informed enough to make those connections himself. To he able to see how, on a larger scale, saying that your coworker getting a boner is a reason not to do a scene with him, feeds into homophobic propaganda that results in real life violence towards gay people, interpersonally and legislatively. And I think he's informed enough to see that, on a small scale, it just kind of puts us seperate from him, whether or not we think that's endearing or funny.

For someone who has demonstrated a knowledge of allyship over his career through the queer campaigns he champions and donates to, the way he's spoken out against homophobia and against the blacklisting and queer baiting of destiel particularly, AND in saying he was "sick to his stomach" at the thought of co-opting the struggles of the queer community by accidentally coming out as bisexual, I think he's definitely falling prey to the desire to grab onto the spotlight instead of consciously acting in the best interest of the community consistently.

And does he need to do that? No. Unfortunately, no actor has to. But he's *telling* us that he is, which raises the bar for him in a way he isn't passing. Because he actually *is* sort of co-opting queer spaces, and what he's saying is, "Ew, gross. Penis."

[mydemonsdrivealimo]

Is this a top Jensen would wear?

LMAO i love it but no i dont think he would

[winchester-reload]

I have a few thoughts about the Winchesters finale, and though I wasn’t gonna weigh in on this, it turns out I needed to write this down to get it out of my head, so here we go.

I understand that Misha was approached to be included on the show and that there was a “scheduling conflict” that included multiple conversations with Jensen. Here’s my interpretation of that: 

I believe Cas was supposed to make a cameo in episode 13 to tee up the confession resolution—this was always the episode where they were going to crack open the “surprise twist” even before learning they would only get 13 episodes total. In the original scenario, episode 13 would have been the hellatus episode rather than a finale, leaving room for everything to come to a head with episode 22 instead. It’s then they would have given us the actual Dean and Cas reunion. This would have wrapped both stories nicely with each group going off into their own respective sunsets—their own happy endings, while still leaving all the room for the new crew to explore more seasons; all along, we see, The Winchesters was about Dean and Cas as much as it was about Mary and John.

When they didn’t get the back half of the season picked up, I assume they feared it would be more dangerous to show a Cas cameo without getting to address the confession, so Misha likely opted to be left out instead. With the only hint to Cas being Dean’s line that he was looking for his family when he found the Akrida, then directly drawing the parallel that Jack and Bobby were “family.” The core crew for Dean has always been Bobby, Sam, Jack, AND Cas. And he wasn’t looking for Sam because he was still on earth. So who’s left? You might be compelled to believe he was window shopping AU versions of his parents, but he confirms he ran into the Akrida in this world and then sought to interfere with the order by approaching John in an effort to prevent it from spreading to Sam's world. (Why Cas would be AU hopping, idk. The boy is really afraid of being shot down, I guess.)

It goes far to explain the vast narrative parallels we saw reflected in the Monster Club crew if it was intended as a setup for the confession payoff. It honestly doesn’t make a lot of sense otherwise. There’s no reason these people should be living Dean's experiences and regrets every episode unless the writers wanted the viewer to be thinking about the lessons and resolutions in how they relate to Dean too.

Additionally, as this has been a largely uncontested take, this is Jensen's well-funded fanfic come to life. Complete with the embracing of many of our favorite fanfic tropes and emphasized by Dean’s own words throughout the season. Because this is an obvious embrace of that “write your own story” fan side, I believe the reason Dean couldn’t even say Cas’ name in the episode is because they were going to change the spelling from “Cass” as it was in the show proper to the fan-adopted (and more accurate) spelling of “Cas,” which would have appeared in the subtitles and later the script pages.  And even that little thing right there would have been a huge giveaway to the whole game. And a very dangerous thing to do if there wasn’t going to be enough time for follow-through. 

But the truth is, this isn’t a game for many people, and the harm that can be caused by good intentions is just as real. It also begs the question: why should this be so difficult? The answer is it’s not. Edging forever isn’t fun. It’s torture. I understand there’s an art to storytelling, but your audience is weary, and trust has been violated too many times. Even still, the flip side of that coin is honest to god respect for DeanCas endgame means taking the story and the reveal seriously. It’s a tightrope walk. And one that Robbie somehow managed to keep balanced after the finale, without it falling either way.  Also we also need to consider the possibility that Jensen did pitch a full-on destiel love story spin-off but got shot down, opting to couch it in a more CW-branded world instead. He’s mentioned over half a dozen pitches were rejected. It's up to you whether you want to give him the benefit of the doubt on that.

But, I’m gonna be honest here, I don’t know that we will ever get that resolution we crave. Even Robbie confirmed The Winchesters were always meant to “go it alone” after the first season. It’s hard to imagine Dean popping in there to fuck around again after that handoff. But the dude is clearly a very restless sea-faring*, swoopy-haired mofo right now, so I’ll leave that one up to the SPN multiverse and the new Mr. Superwholock’s magical universe-traveling impala. (This show used to be about what again? *looks at notes*.) And FWIW, if they do get green-lit for a whole second season or are allowed to move networks, I believe a good-faith effort will be made to tie the narrative parallels we saw in season one to some real Dean and Cas resolution. If there gets to be a world where John *might* not turn into an abusive dick, then this possibility has to be true too.

For the record, I enjoyed The Winchesters, all the new characters, and the doors the finale opened for the possibility of more. I would have been fine half-watching it with no promises, empty head no thoughts, but I got my clown** suit on again, and though I mostly kept quiet, unlike last time, I did regrettably manage to drag a few friends down with me yet again.  Though the spec sessions were epic, and we did get some art out of it—it still rocks the boat when the base level expectations were only 1. Dean alive, and 2. seeing Cas again. 

But for anyone, like me, upset by the (likely unintentional) Cas-baiting or anyone still reeling about why this stuff can hit so hard, here’s an interesting article about the way our brains respond to fictional characters. Tl;dr: There’s nothing wrong with you. This is science. And while you’re at it, take a look at this article about the very real power of disenfranchised grief over character loss.

Ramble on, fam. And take care of yourselves.

<3 Jackie

*Um hi he appears as a sailor? Literally, on a show with a story Dean is writing whose audience is looking for a resolution to a conversation between two people who’re famously the “most shipped” characters of all time? That’s not an accident. That’s intentional. And it’s another reason why there might be a bitter taste in your mouth. These nods came without resolution, so it still feels dirty, despite the brilliant Easter egg.

**I hesitate to say “clown” here because the lesson on episode 12 was that the clowns were the ones who chose a self-induced limbo rather than face some personal hard revelations. That sounds more like a certain closeted character than it does the people cheering him on, and that felt like an intentional nod too.

***obviously, this is my own rambling spec as I try to reorder my thoughts in the wake of the finale.

[lucidlivi]

Chosen For Pleasure (VII)

Series Masterlist/Warnings

Tag List: @ladysparkles78 @suckitands33 @little-x-wolf @stoneyggirl2 @creative-writing92 @jc-winchester @mrsjenniferwinchester @lessons-of-red @jamerlynn @deans-baby-momma @willow-sages @ritz-hell-hotel @perpetualabsurdity @mhessellund @itzabbyxx @chriszgirl92 @abbybarnesstuff @larrem88 @commonsenseishard (we are growing bigger and bigger! if you would like to be added to the growing list, please send me an ask or a message so I can keep track better! xoxo)

I’m making this part extra long as appreciation for all the love you’ve shown me and this story, (over 100 followers already, over 100 reblogs.. that’s crazy!) it will also help move the story along…I’m so sorry for this…. ya’ll ain’t ready!

“call me as soon as you land so I know you made it safely.” Stella says giving me one last hug.

“I will.” I said squeezing her.

I was boarding my flight to California to see my mom. I thought that Jensen would have at least said goodbye, but he was really busy and I understood that. It wasn’t a terribly long flight to Santa Cruz, I kept my mind occupied with a book. As soon as I got off the plane I saw a familiar face waiting for me. I smiled dropping my bag and ran to hug my mother.

“look at you, you look so different.” my mom said placing a hand to my cheek.

“mom it hasn’t been that long.” I laughed.

“I know, I just mean you look happier, you’re glowing different.” she smiles.

I returned her grin grabbing my stuff and following her to the car.

“Richard is so excited to meet you.”

“you look happier too mom.”

I pulled out my phone to text Stella as I had promised. I furrowed my eyebrows seeing I had a missed called from Jensen. I quickly dialed him.

“thought you forgot about me for some surfer dude already.” He joked as he answered.

“a surfer dude? nah that’s not really my type, I prefer the uptight actors turned businessmen.” I shot back.

“woah woah I am not uptight.”

“just a little.”

“not at all.” He defended.

“whatever you say Ackles.”

there was a moment of silence.

“I uh wanted to tell you to have a good time with your mom, I meant to call but I’ve been trying to negotiate this deal for a new property but uh she’s not biting.”

“she?” I said hesitantly.

“the seller, she’s kind of stubborn, reminds me of someone else I know.”

“I am not stubborn.” I defended quickly.

“just a little.” He laughs mocking me from just seconds earlier.

“okay maybe a little.” I laughed.

His laughter grew too.

“but I can admit my flaws.” I huffed.

“yeah I think I’ll save that conversation for another time, but hey I gotta go, meeting in five minutes.”

“Jensen?”

“Yeah?”

“Thanks”

“Say hi to your mom for me.” He said before hanging up the phone.

I could feel the smile on my face get just a bit bigger. He was trying.

Before I knew it we were pulling in to the driveway of my mom’s house. A man stood there waving at me. I watched my mom hop out wrapping her arms around Richard. He leaned down kissing her lips. I was really happy for her. I got out of the car walking to him.

“I’m so happy to meet you, I’ve heard so much about you, I’m Richard.” He said pulling me in for a hug.

I was nine when my father passed, I remembered him fondly. He was warm and kind. Richard kind of reminds me of him. I could tell I was going to like him. Once I got settled we had dinner, my mom and Richard were telling me the story of how they met. They looked so happy. So in love.

I thought back to Jensen. I wasn’t sure where we stood, we’re we dating, we’re we truly just friends with benefits?I was trying to be patient like Jared said but it was really hard when I felt like he was holding a lot back. I found the more I was with him, the harder it was getting to stay away. I was falling in love with him, and that scared the hell out of me.

Nightfall had come quickly. I said goodnight to my mom and Richard, settling down for the night. I couldn’t stop thinking about Jensen. I pulled out my phone sending him a text.

:california is boring without you… but lately everywhere is boring with you.

I bit my lip waiting for a reply. When it didn’t come right away I started to overthink. Was I getting too close? Was that too clingy? I saw the chat bubbles pop up as he typed a reply.

:having dinner with the seller tonight, hoping to finish deal.

:oh, like just you and her?

:don’t worry about it.

I sighed setting my phone on the night stand. Once again he pushes away when I try to get close. My phone buzzed on the side table prompting me to pick it up. I saw it was Jensen calling. I didn’t bother to answer. He told me not to worry, so I wasn’t.

****************************************************

I awoke to the warm California sun shining in to my eyes. I checked my phone seeing three missed calls from Jensen. I sighed about to redial him when my mom burst in to the room.

“get dressed, we’re going to the country club for breakfast, they have the best mimosas you’ve ever tasted!”

I laughed at her antics.

Jensen could wait. I needed a drink.

I threw on a simple sundress meeting my mom in the car. I took in the beautiful sights as she drove. I had never been to a country club before, but this place was pretty nice. We sat down ordering two mimosas.

“so, tell me about this guy.” my mom smiled sipping her drink.

Of course she wanted to talk about Jensen.

“what do you want to know?” I asked taking large gulps of mine.

Damn these were good.

“I don’t know, everything.”

I scoffed choking back a laugh. So would I.

“Uh there’s not much to know, he’s kind of closed off.” I said before chewing my bottom lip.

“what do you mean darling?”

“I mean, it’s complicated mama, one minute everything’s great and the next he shuts down. It’s like he’s afraid of me getting too close, so he pushes me away.”

I sighed chugging the rest of my drink. I definitely needed this.

“maybe he is, did I ever tell you that your dad was engaged when I met him?”

“no, what happened!?”

“long story short she ended up cheating on him, he was broken, he couldn’t trust anyone, not even me. It took awhile to break down his walls, but I knew your dad was special, so I kept trying. If you think this Jensen is worth it keep trying.”

I was quiet as I took in her words.

“I think I’m going to need another one of these.” I laughed holding up my empty glass.

A waiter brought me another mimosa. I took a big sip pulling out my phone to call Jensen back. Suddenly a text came through making me choke on my drink.

:might want to go easy on those mimosas, don’t want a repeat of last time you drank.

“holy shit.”

“what’s a matter honey?”

“It’s Jensen, he’s here.” I choked.

At my words Jensen walked up in his usual suit and tie attire.

“what? how?” I asked sitting my drink down.

I could see my mom smirk as she looked up at him.

“Ma’am it’s a pleasure to meet you, Jensen Ackles.” he said shaking my mother’s hand.

“nice to meet you.” she said.

she looked between me and Jensen.

“I’ll give you a minute.”

I watched her walk away before turning to him.

“what are you doing here?” I asked picking up my drink again sipping it.

“you didn’t answer my calls, I thought something happened to you.”

“no Jensen that was called me ignoring you.” I said rolling my eyes.

“okay I deserved that.”

“how was your dinner?” I sassed.

“very productive and professional, I closed the deal.” He said laughing at my jealousy.

“well then congratulations I guess.”

“and I’m here to take you out to celebrate.”

“wait what?”

“just come with me, I promise you won’t regret it.” He said offering his hand.

“where too?”

“It’s a surprise.” He laughed.

“I think I met my quota on surprises. Plus I can’t just leave my mom.” I spoke.

“of course you can…” she said popping up out of nowhere.

“of course you can.” Jensen repeated once again extending his hand.

I looked between him and my mother heaving a sigh as I grabbed his hand.

“I promise to have her back before dinner.” Jensen said winking at my mom.

He led me out to a rental car, I was surprised to see Cole waiting with the door open.

“you brought Cole too?” I asked giving Cole a smile.

“Ms. (L/N).” He said nodding his head as I climbed in the backseat.

“I mean he does work for me.” Jensen laughed.

“Poor Cole.” I smirked as Jensen rolled his eyes at my teasing.

Cole started to drive. It was quiet as Jensen rested a hand on my knee. I can’t believe he came all this way to see me.

“Jensen why did you come here?” I asked biting my lip.

“Ouch you’re not happy to see me? Is it the surfer dude? It is isn’t it?” He jokes turning towards me.

“you know I’m always happy to see you, I’m just surprised is all.”

“I told you to celebrate.” He said not meeting my eyes.

“you came all this way to celebrate.?” I asked not believing him.

“yeah, a good thing happened to me and I wanted to share that with you.” He said simply.

I thought my heart was going to burst out of my chest.

“I think that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever told me.” I said smiling.

“Yeah well don’t get used to it.” He smirked.

I playfully slapped his chest. I looked out the window as the car stopped.

“a dock?” I questioned.

“come on.” He smiled pulling me out of the car.

I saw a big yacht docked in the water.

“we’re going on that?” I asked smiling.

“yep.” He said pulling me onboard.

He pulled me on deck letting me look around. I had never been on a boat before so this was a new experience for me. Jensen disappeared down in the cabin, trading his suit and tie for just a pair of board shorts.

I swallowed looking at his toned chest. I had seen him naked already but somehow it still always got me flustered. He smirked at me before going to the wheel.

“wait you’re sailing this thing? I laughed coming to stand beside him.

“yep, and you’re going to help me.” He smiled starting to depart from the dock.

“I don’t think you want me to help, I mean do you want to crash?” I joked.

“It’s okay, it’s a private bay, can’t crash into the water.” He said.

The boat picked up speed as he sailed further and further into the bay. I felt so at peace as the wind blew through my hair. I couldn’t fight the smile that I donned. I noticed Jensen watching me intently.

“come on, you’re taking the wheel.” Jensen said pulling me in front of him.

“no I can’t.” I laughed nervously.

“I got you don’t worry.” He said placing a soft kiss to my neck.

He put his hands on top of mine, showing me how to sail the ship.

“Jensen don’t let go.” I laughed.

“I have too, you’ll be fine.”

Jensen moved his hands settling them around my waist as he held me against him.

“Oh my gosh I’m doing it!”

He laughed pecking my cheek. He took the wheel again slowing the boat to a stop. I walked to the edge looking at the beautifully calm water. Jensen came to my side, climbing over the railing and standing over the edge.

“what are you doing?”

“swimming.” He said jumping off in to the water below.

He submerged only for a second before popping back up.

“well what are you waiting for?” He asked calling up to me.

“you’re crazy.” I yelled.

“please for me?” He called smiling.

I bit my lip, finally letting my secret slip.

“don’t laugh, but I can’t swim.” I said my cheeks heating up with embarrassment.

He didn’t laugh.

“Don’t worry I got you.” He said for the second time today.

I sighed shaking my head before pulling my sundress over my head so I was just in my bra and underwear. I nervously looked at the water.

Was I really doing this?

I closed my eyes jumping in feet first. In an instant my body was engulfed in the cool water. I panicked momentarily before I felt warm hands go to my waist. Jensen smiled as he pulled me towards him. I wrapped my legs around his waist as we floated in the water.

“see you’re okay.” He said holding me up.

“you’re crazy.” I laughed my hands gripping his broad shoulders.

“Me? You’re the one jumping in to the ocean when you don’t know how to swim.” He joked giving me a wink.

“I find that my logic usually goes out the window with you Mr. Ackles.” I whispered.

“is this more?” He asked bringing a hand up to cup my cheek.

“huh?”

“At Jared’s you told me that you needed more, is this more?” He furrowed his eyebrows like he was really concerned what my answer would be.

I thought back to that day. I didn’t think he was really listening to me, but it turns out I was very wrong.

“so much more.” I smiled wrapping my arms around him and hugging him.

I pulled back to see him staring at me.

“what is it?” I asked feeling a blush come to my cheeks.

“I just like seeing you smile.” He whispered looking in my eyes.

I swallowed nervously as his gaze shifted between my eyes and my lips. He leaned in resting his forehead against mine. I could hear his breathing become shaky. He gulped as he moved his lips a little closer. I parted mine waiting and desperate for the contact but he quickly pulled away looking embarrassed.

“I’m sorry I can’t, just not right now.” He said turning his face away from me.

I grabbed his chin quickly making him face me again.

“It’s okay, you don’t have to apologize.” I said running a hand across the back of his neck.

I could see behind his eyes that someone really hurt him, it killed me to not know.

“what was her name?” I asked hesitantly.

He didn’t answer just swallowed nervously.

“who did this to you? who made you feel like this?” I asked getting emotional.

“It’s in the past now. Come on it’s getting late, we should start heading back. He said swimming over to the ladder at the side of the boat.

He helped me on, pushing me up so I could pull myself out of the water. He pulled himself up with ease going back to the wheel. I sighed pulling my sundress back on. Jensen was silent as he sailed us back to the dock. I walked up behind him, wrapping my arms around him, leaving a trail of kisses on his back up to his neck. Once we docked the boat Jensen turned around in my arms pulling me in to a bone crushing hug.

We stood there a minute in each others embrace.

“thank you for this, and for not making fun of my inability to swim.” I said offering him a smile.

He chuckled a little. He opened his mouth to reply but his phone ringing caught him off guard. He quickly answered, eyebrows furrowing with worry at whoever was talking.

“yeah, okay I’ll be right there.” He spoke before hanging up.

“everything okay?” I asked concerned.

“yeah just something came up at work.” He said grabbing my hand.

“come on Cole can drop you back at your moms house.”

****************************************************

“are you sure you can’t stay one more day sweetheart?” my mom asked as she hugged me for what seemed like the millionth time.

“I wish I could mama.” I said giving her a kiss on her cheek.

I pulled away wrapping my arms around Richard.

“take care of her for me won’t you?” I whispered in his ear.

“of course darling.”

I gave my mother one last hug before boarding my plane. It was another quiet plane ride. I was exhausted and just ready to be home. I was surprised to find Cole standing in the airport holding a sign with my name on it.

“did you think I wouldn’t recognize you Cole?” I asked laughing.

“Mr. Ackles requests your presence at his estate.” Cole said taking my bag from me and leading me out to his car.

“Is everything okay, what’s going on?” I asked nervously.

“I’m afraid I can’t discuss anything Ms. (L/N).”

“Is Jensen okay?” I panicked.

“He’s a little preoccupied I’m afraid.”

I got sick with nerves as we drove to his house. Everything seemed fine when he left. I jumped out of the car before Cole could bring it to a complete stop, running inside.

“Jensen?” I called.

I was relieved to see him sitting on the stairs, hunched over with something in his lap. I walked over closer to him.

“Jensen?” I said placing a hand on his arm.

He quickly shrugged it off, standing up and glaring at me.

“what’s going on?”

“you tell me.” He growled dropping a newspaper at my feet.

I picked it up, shocked to see Jensen and I on the front page. We were standing on the yacht wrapped up in each other. It wasn’t just that but under the picture was my name printed clearly.

“so the paparazzi caught us..?” I asked trying to understand the situation.

“It was a private bay they shouldn’t have been able to, unless of course someone tipped them off.” He said glaring at me.

Did he seriously think I would do something like that?

“Jensen you can’t be serious, I didn’t even know where we were going how could I have possibly done that?” I asked crossing my arms over my chest.

“I don’t know (y/n) how did they get all that information in the paper huh? How did they know I introduced you to the cast? How did they know I won’t kiss you huh? How did they know about our arrangement? HOW DID THEY KNOW?” He yelled in my face.

I shrunk back as he raised his voice. I never did well with people raising their voice at me, but when he did it, it felt like knives going into my chest.

“I don’t know but I didn’t say anything Jensen I swear.” I pleaded, tears running down my cheeks.

“God I’m so stupid. You’re just like her. Fuck.” Jensen growls grabbing a vase of flowers angrily hurling it against the wall.

The vase shatters on impact making me jump.

“Jensen please you have to believe me.” I begged reaching my hand out but he stopped me.

“you’re just like her.” He said the hurt evident in his eyes.

“Jensen I have no clue what you’re talking about because you don’t tell me ANYTHING. I’ve tried to be understanding but this is crazy. I would never sell you out to some sleazy journalist.” I yelled feeling my emotions on overload.

“I think you should leave.” He said sitting back on the stairs and putting his head in his hands.

I could feel my heart breaking.

“I’m falling in love with you.” I whispered desperately wiping some tears that fell.

He glances up at me quickly before glancing back down.

“well you shouldn’t, this was never a relationship.” He huffed.

“If I walk out that door I’m not coming back.” I said taking a shaky breath, the tears flowing like a waterfall.

He didn’t respond, just continued to stare at the floor. So I did the last thing I wanted to do.

I left.

I left without another word, without looking back.

I left.

Author Note:

I’m so sorry for breaking your heart! Butttt we’re getting a glance in to why Jensen is the way he is! We ain’t done yet so please stick around for more! And as always if you’re enjoying please let me know with a heart, reblog, comment or a follow!

xoxoxo

Part (VIII)

[jarchaeology]

I'm a huge fan of your blog! Just curious, why the sole emphasis on young Jensen? Not that I don't find him adorable, but we shouldn't overlook how seriously hot grown-up Jensen is!

the short answer: attractiveness has nothing to do with it! research projects get more interesting the narrower your focus is.

20th-century jackles is so fun because it is so difficult. despite what people say, nothing lasts forever on the internet. the same can be said for printed materials and video footage. finding stuff from 10 years ago in the spn fandom can be difficult. think about how hard it is for a soap event held in a small town back in 1997. for people who like research like i do, that shit is exciting.

another reason is cause i saw an opportunity in the fandom space. there are tons of accounts dedicated to jensen's recent career. they're very impressive and display levels of organization that blow my mind! and yeah, people have collected young jensen stuff for as long as he's been on tv, but they weren't easy to find. fans hoarded the bits and pieces they found and a lot of this stuff was trapped in almost unnavigable sites like fanpop and pinterest. i decided to end the gatekeeping of the young jennny materials. what a noble cause, lol.

once i started, i realized that there was a lot more to find. that was in june of 2021, and i'm still swamped with leads and projects i have't had time to get to. i'm uncovering new shit all the time. so yeah, i agree, grown-up jensen is hot. but it's not about that.

[blanketforcas]

wait now i’m curious where deancas came from/when it shifted bc i was here when it was exclusively destiel and coming back i was a bit confused that there’s… more widely used ship names than there used to be lol? since that doesn’t usually happen once a ship’s name has been settled it sticks. was it just to distance from destiel or what that seems insane to me (i’m of the “solely using destiel” crowd)

i'm also a destiel girlie and i haven't been in this fandom long enough to know the answer to this so i'm inviting anyone to add their perspective!

what i *think* might be going on, is that a lot of young people joined the fandom late/after nov 5th right when people involved with the show seemed to be even more weird about destiel than usual now that the cat was out of the bag. and in response to the accusation (lbr, jensen def contributed to this) that fans "sexualize" destiel, they wanted to be like "see, we aren't freaks" and emphasize the fact destiel are also friends ("just more, but also still friends!!1!!1! -> deancas). i think it's an effort to make destiel seem more palatable (read, ultimately less gay and less sexual) in order to be taken seriously. i also think gen Z style purity culture might've had somewhat of an impact here but maybe that's stretching it

so yeah i'm not a fan of it, because of what it looks like (to me!). you might be reading this thinking "girl it's not that serious" and yeah, it's not. but also i can't shake the feeling it's indicative of something

again, if anyone knows more pls feel free to add to this! i'm probably missing something